#i mean i’m older than 15 so it doesn’t matter but i still think that estimate is too old

[eve-is-a-terf]

desktop part is untrue 👹 not to be that gen z sorry

this can't be true can it

[crazylittlejester]

Hehe hello hello

Would you be interested in yapping a bit more about Warriors and Time's/Mask's brother relationship?

Please plase share more headcannons with me

HELL yeah dawg I gotchu, these two are my favorites I can yap about em all day every day (sorry for answering late I wanted to save this for after my exam alskddkd. also my apologies if this makes ZERO sense, and my bad for spelling mistakes or oddly autocorrected words 😔)

So, this is just my personal headcanon and a bit about how I write them and I’m just taking this as an opportunity to ramble hehe but here you go, a peak inside my brain!!:

One thing that’s super important to me in writing is names. Names carry with them identity almost, and while Time and Mask are one person and Wars and ‘Captain’ (because i hc that’s what Mask called him instead of Link all the time) are also the same person, they are very different in the sense that trauma and recovery and just aging in general impacts identity and shit. They are the same exact people, but their relationship with each other was pretty different at different points in time and the way they view each other has changed

'Captain' to Mask was a father figure, an older brother he argued with and teased, but ultimately someone who he looked up to. He didn't WANT 'Captain' to ever be wrong about anything, and he COULD see his flaws and his arrogance but he didn't want to acknowledge it because he just so fucking desperately needed a safe adult who could always be right no matter what because after so long of being lost and overwhelmed, some part of him really just wanted stability. He’s not one to blindly trust nor is he stupid, but a part of Mask ignored how arrogant Link got because he needed someone to be perfect

Mask is 'Captain's' kid almost, that's how he views him. That's his child, he doesn't think of HIMSELF as a father, he thinks of Mask as a little brother, but that's his kid nonetheless. He doesn't want Mask to see him struggle, he doesn't want Mask to see he's not okay, he doesn't want Mask to realize how absolutely AWFUL his life is because he's hell bent on giving his kid a good growing environment despite the fact they're in a war

Time, now in his thirties, is able to look at Warriors and see his flaws, he's able to look at him and see a very hurt, very traumatized young man. He's reached a point of emotional maturity and confidence where he doesn't need to have a person who can just be safe for him all the time. He does still find safety and comfort Wars, but he doesn't like, NEED it the way ‘Mask’ did. Because Mask was (to me) like mentally 15 years old living in a 10 yo’s body at the start of that war and he was just so goddamn tired he just needed someone else to call the shots sometimes. That doesn’t mean he wasn’t still a bit argumentative, or that Time still doesn’t like being bossed around, but Time has had time to chill and sort his life out and it’s easier for him to take a deep breath and use his brain than it was when he was a kid. (I did a whole post ages ago on depression and how it commonly manifests as anger in kids and yeah something something I do think Time has a short temper still but he has coping mechanisms now and he’s better at dealing with it)

Warriors is able to look at Time and still see his kid, he still sees Mask, but he can also acknowledge that Time spent 20 years growing up without him and is now a good decade older than he is. He can realize that he doesn't HAVE to hide everything from Time, Time can be a safe person for him to lean on because he’s no longer this traumatized child Warriors has to ‘protect’. He can be a hell of a lot more real with Time than he ever was with Mask because he no longer feels guilty about trauma dumping on a child. More real smiles, more real emotions, more real tears. They help each other heal, it's no longer as one sided

But despite this separation and distinction they are still able to recognize the other as just one person. Separate, but one at the same time. Wars can think of his brother and in his mind refer to him AS Mask, but (in a stable mental state) completely acknowledge that as Time. Calling him Mask is literally just a force of habit, he can call him Mask and still acknowledge this is a 30 something yo man. Time can call Wars 'Captain' and be aware he's talking to the 27 yo in front of him and not that poor kid trying to be hero and guardian at the same time.

However 'Captain' in Time's mind became almost like... a character...? That's his big brother he rambled on and on to Malon about. That's his big brother he loves more than anything in the world. That's the person he looked up to even after having left the war. It's almost a version of Wars that's not even real because it’s the version of him that was presented to Mask and then preserved after they parted. It’s Wars through the eyes of a child who adored him. But it's not like the way the people in Wars's kingdom idealize him. The people in Wars's kingdom look at this child and see a knight in shining armor come to save them, or a brat who started this damn mess. They turn him into something he isn't and kinda dehumanize him because it makes it easier for them to send a child to war. Whether they like him or not, they have an idealized version of their hero in their minds, based off what front Warriors himself put up or their own dislike. But Mask’s old version of ‘Captain’ was born from pure love for his brother, like those hero essays 3rd graders write about their personal heroes and they choose to write about their dad and how they see him. ‘Captain’ was a hero to Mask in a MUCH different way than he was for everyone else, and meeting Wars again was a huge shock for him because was forced to look at this person through the eyes of an adult

'Captain' is his big strong older brother who will always be there for him and who is bad ass and epic, Wars is just... a man, and Time HAS now put them in his mind as the same person. His captain isn't as perfect and infallible as he thought he was but thats okay he doesn't give a shit he loves him anyway. This pillar of strength for him, his captain, is cracked and has been this whole time despite his younger self’s inability to see that completely (because he DID know something was wrong, just not the full extent of it), and maybe even directly because of how his view of his brother has changed, he’s able to love and support him even more

For the most part in my writing Time only ever refers to Warriors as “Captain” or “Link”, even in the LU ‘present day’, not because he can’t see how he’s changed but because that title to him carries more of a realness to it. Despite how it was that title he’d associated his idealized version of his brother, Warriors himself views himself more as a captain than a hero. Because he IS a captain and that’s a rank he earned for himself, but he doesn’t feel right calling himself a hero. Similarly Wars rarely calls Time ‘Time’, because in my headcanon Mask didn’t reveal himself as the Hero of Time. That’s a huge ass title to live up to, and he felt like people would be disappointed to know some scrawny kid was the huge historical figure they’d created perfect versions of in their minds. ‘Hero of Masks’ brought safety with it, and while Wars rarely calls him Mask (less frequently than Time calls him Captain), that name feels more like who he actually is. Not only was it something his brother called him, but it just feels safer and just- More intimate I guess. And him calling Wars ‘Captain’ is also partly instinct and more his title than anything else, every time Time calls him that it’s making the real version of his brother more permanent in his mind, with all of his flaws and all the little weird things about him that Time had forgotten over the years

AGAIN SORRY IF THIS MAKES NO GODDAMN SENSE I LIKE TO RAMBLE AND MY HEAD HURTS AND I STARTED SPACING OUT A BIT SO IDK HOW MUCH I REPEATED MYSELF BUT THANKS FOR THE ASK I LOVE TO YAP ABOUT THESE TWO

this is just them to me :)

[nights-at-crystarium]

Fragments - episodes 19-22 author notes

You can find similar breakdown posts on older episodes in my pinned!

Obligatory ShB spoiler warning.

First off, the two panels that took a silly amount of time just because I wanted to reflect Vivi’s impressions on the city.

Episodes 18, 19, 20 open up with Vivi being concerned with the most pressing matters:

Can’t fight if you ain’t pretty (or got just 1-2 outfits to be pretty in, that won’t do either)

I still really like the panel above, especially their pose. Episodes 19-22 show how they gradually get rid of physical boundaries. They didn’t even touch back when they first met (episode 15).

Vivi’s casual about physical affection with friends, just one of his core things.

Of course Vivi would trust and choose the company of a pixie, a supernatural being, over a (presumably) human who only reinforces Vivi’s worst opinions on humanity at that point in time, concealing himself and swimming in secrets. Get rekt nerd.

At least Vivi isn’t openly hostile, just.. Dismissive? I saw some other WoLs who outright hate Exarch for abducting the Scions and almost getting themselves, the WoL, killed at Ghimlyt Dark. Vivi, however, just wants to be left alone.

Tfw the love of your life is being stolen by your dear friend. Or vice versa? Or both at the same time? Anyway, Vivi and Feo Ul form a new cool kids' club and Exarch isn't invited.

Can't relax in your favorite secluded spot for a godsdamned moment without some pesky dragoon randomly popping out of nowhere.

While I hc Exarch being able to sense living presence around the Tower, imagine doing that 24/7 for every person. I like to think that he learned to filter it out, turn off/on at will. And while he's in a public place, with his glamour up, he doesn't need to upkeep the "radar", he's just chilling and is possibly lost in thoughts, and that's why Vivi startles him.

This scene bears more symbolic meaning than plot importance. And, uh, some foreshadowing? Forelighting? x'D While Vivi doesn’t fall (heh) for his savior, he’ll reflect upon this at a later time.

Vivi’s normally careful and stately. Yes he’s an elf but he do be carryin’ himself like a cat. There’s a lot of control and assertion behind his trademark nonchalant posture. So, NORMALLY, this wouldn’t happen. Maybe he got distracted by the shiny? And where’s Feo Ul?

Exarch, however, the man that chokes on air unprompted, in a moment like this acts before he could think. As some people correctly noted, the old man’s QUICK. The “screentime” stretches out as Vivi’s life almost begins flashing before his eyes, while for Exarch it's gotta be a mere second or two.

I’m extra proud of the colorwork here. As if blood’s gone from Vivi’s face, as if his entire body went cold, but life slowly returns to him, starting with that hand. You bet this’s brimming with subtext.

Exarch uses his left hand over the right, for better friction and probably because he doesn’t like the attention to his right hand.

I like that this panel’s caused confusion, it worked as intended :9 An all too vague dark joke that almost cost Vivi his life. In his head it went like “yeah anyone can fly once, when they’re about to go splat”, but he wasn’t only preoccupied with the jumps, but also didn’t KNOW yet that he HAS TO speak with a fae like almost with a child, or a lawyer. Simplest terms. No ambiguity. EVER. They’ll misinterpret you unwittingly, or on purpose.

And so they did. Or didn’t? Feo Ul’s spent a long time offscreen, but whether they chose not to help, or even gave Vivi a little push, will forever stay a mystery because why not.

Lesson learned.. On both sides.. Hopefully. Also, fret not, Exarch WILL say fuck one day, one day~

Vivi's lucky. Incredibly so. He's aware of it, doesn't see it as anything special, like you don't see anything special in being able to read this. Perhaps jumping up an unknown structure while being accompanied by an exceedingly curious and mischievous creature is risky even for his kind, but Vivi's so used to getting away with so many things that he doesn't stop to consider it for the tiniest moment.

The first genuine exchange of smiles.

Silver lining: now they have better chances at getting along and returning to that world-saving duty.

Update from January 2024: I came back here to tell you something that took me so long to realize about episode 20′s description:

And all he saw was the Light, and then he knew that Death wore white in this world.

I randomly popped off with this prose, which on itself is a cool thing, but now I realize the extra meanings it could take on. Thinking about 5.x and Elidibus has me feeling unwell in the best way. THAT VIVI ALSO WEARS WHITE HERE IS UH. A coincidence. But it also kinda works as the Warrior of Darkness becomes somewhat of a local Reaper in the First, and then, well, then we have that Light corruption arc :3c

Vivi's calm and tender enough for a pixie to trust him with their wings.

Feo Ul ate and drank several times their size, and all that hero talk.. Ugh. Time for a nap.

Drawing this made me yawn at least 3 times. You’re not immune either.

He’s activating his scanners :>

Vivi's definition of nice is "not nagging, begging or preaching, and using bare facts and logic to convince the hero to do the hero thing".

Literally the next page if you’re reading in order :’> Riiiiiiiiight. That hero thing.

We don’t question whether Vivi invited his loveliest branch, or if they invited themselves. The fact is, they’re there and Vivi’s totally cool with it.

Exarch must be watching. And probably foaming at mouth as Feo Ul keeps leading in the race for Vivi’s heart. They don’t only earn the hero’s trust, but get in his bed and, gasp, brush his hair.

Vivi's getting comfy in his role somewhere between a disney princess and Feo Ul’s pet.

A writing-related tangent incoming, but, since you’re here, I assume you’re already somewhat interested in this kinda stuff.

So, there’s the script, the plain text that waits to get illustrated. The screenplay, if you will. I don’t just sit down and draw enough random things to fill a few pages, I approach this as an actual cohesive serialized story.

I changed a good half of this episode when I began storyboarding it. In the initial script from some months ago, Vivi said "I slept so well". Something about this didn't sit right with me. It’s the most basic mistake of telling instead of showing. I asked myself, would he, a person who takes good sleep and dreams for granted, say that out loud? Nah. I removed that bit, and drew him stretching deliciously. He also asked Feo Ul if they guarded his dreams, they smiled vaguely but warmly just like in the finalized version, but then Vivi simply muttered "I could get used to this" and gave them headpats. I decided to elevate this scene by adding this tiny rollercoaster, which brought Feo Ul's greyness to the forefront, and thickly hinted that Vivi doesn't only sleep well, but has nice dreams that he probably starts cherishing after this.

To be fair, this isn’t super important for the main plot, I just wanted to highlight the difference between Vivi and Exarch, the latter being in a hate-hate relationship with sleep. Vivi’s affinity with dreams is a door I like to keep open for the possible future story (talking post-EW events).

Now you know this’s the face they make before going apeshit.

Imagine if this prank didn't exist and instead Vivi simply said "I slept so well, this's so important to me". I’m proud of the writing muscle I’m growing on the fly ;w;

Ardbert's chance to act and feel normal, thwarted in the next few seconds.

I'm so glad that people are picking up on this!! “Hey man” is Vivi’s way of providing whatever comfort he could. An illusion of normalcy. He’s emotionally intelligent when it matters.

..But he should’ve also considered that Feo Ul can and will ruin the vibe :’>

Another screenwriting thing: this episode lacks an establishing shot, i.e. the obligatory zoomed out view on everyone in the room, but I think this’s a rare case of “less is more”. Along with the light vs shadow, it reinforces the feeling of separation. Vivi and Feo Ul are shown together, interacting, doing cute stuff, while Ardbert’s alone. Sorry not sorry for the hurty :’>

This’s all I’ve got for now. Thanks for reading and paying so much attention! People start to notice and analyze the things I’m weaving in, and it’s the best kinda interaction I as a creator could wish for.

[ourloveisforthelovely]

Bad Ideas (Part 15)

Regulus Black au

Summary:  It started as nothing now it’s something. Voldemort has been defeated but that doesn’t mean the wizarding world is still a good place to be.

Pairings: Regulus Black x Reader

Rating : M

Link to Part 14

_____

The following weeks were some of the longest of your life. It was harder than you expected getting Regulus used to the new changes that his body was going through. While you were well versed on what to expect, that didn’t mean that you were necessarily ready to see the man that you loved going through his new personal hell.

Thankfully, you had Remus in your corner. You had never been more thankful to have him in your life. When Regulus’ temper was going off of the charts and the smallest thing seemed to tick him off, Remus seemed to know exactly what to do or say. Multiple people in the house (Sirius in particular) had a knack for getting on Regulus’s last available nerve. There had been many days that you had to simply tug Regulus out of the room before he tried to rearrange his older brother’s face.

You had to have many talks with Sirius about easing up on Regulus when he started to get annoyed.

“Sirius, I know that normally he would just give you a snarky response but now it's different. Just give him some peace.”

You felt as if you had that conversation with Sirius at least once a day. After you had that conversation, you were calming Regulus down. Once you got Regulus lying down with his head on your lap, you could usually soothe whatever was raging out of him.

“Do you want to talk about what you are feeling?”

Regulus lay with his head on your lap. Your fingers were delicately tracing through his hair playing with each little curl.

“I don’t know what I’m feeling. One moment I’m happy then the next I want to scream. I know what is happening with me, Y/n but I don’t like it. This wasn’t supposed to happen…not to me.”

You were quiet a moment before speaking.

“I know you are struggling, darling, and I can’t pretend to know what you are going through. Sometimes things happen that we don’t expect nor can we adequately prepare for.”

Regulus was quiet a moment before his grey eyes rolled up to your face.

“Crap storms happen.”

You thought back on that conversation sadly. When Regulus commented on crap storms happening, you couldn’t help but note the venom in his voice.

“We will make it.”

You said as you filled the cup in front of you with water.

“Y/n!”

Your internal brooding was interrupted as Ginny came in with Harry, Ron, and Hermione behind her. All four looked happy so you decided to push your inner hell back. Your brother and friends had been a huge source of emotional support for you over the past few weeks. They deserve to speak with the normal version of yourself from time to time.

“Hey, what are you all into today?”

You asked, sitting down at the table. Ginny grinned before looking at Harry with a wide smile.

“We have some news!”

Hermione nodded, eagerly.

“Both of us do. Ginny, do you want to tell her?”

Ginny grinned.

“Hermione and I are both pregnant!”

You couldn’t help the smile that automatically spread to your face. It was only a matter of time before someone decided to take the next steps in building their lives.

“Really? Wow, this is surprising! Congratulations!”

You said happily before forgetting your tea and moving to hug all of your friends. Harry gave you a bigger smile before squeezing your hand.

“We all want you to be godmother to our kids. It only makes sense.”

Harry was relieved to see a genuine Y/n happy smile on your face. It seemed like it had been so long since Harry had seen you smile.

“Of all the titles that I have, I think that one will be my favorite.”

You said, cheerfully.

“How far are you both?”

“About 8 weeks.”

Hermione said. You chuckled.

“We all really do everything together, don’t we?”

Ron sat down laughing to himself.

“I think Minerva will be retiring when she gets a load of this news.”

You mentally envisioned poor Minerva McGonagall running to her calendar and making a big red X on a date in the future.

“I don’t think she can handle going from the Marauders to us to our children. She will take up drinking. I really wish that I could be a fly on the wall when she gets this news. Hey! I have a great idea! So, at the hospital, we have the machines that the muggles use to have a look at their baby while still on the inside. Would you lot like to have a look at the babies?”

Ginny was practically running to the door before saying yes. Hermione nodded eagerly too as you stood up and grabbed your bag.

“This will be fun.”

You said to Harry and Ron before following your friends out. With the past few weeks that you had, you could definitely use some light-hearted fun.

Half an hour, you sat running the monitor over Hermione’s stomach. Watching your normally serious friend’s face light up was enough to bring complete joy to your soul. Ron sat at her side with an awe-filled expression on his face.

“There is the baby’s head and look at those little feet.”

You said. Seeing the happy expressions on your best friend’s faces was a reminder of why you did what you did. It wasn’t all putting people back together after catastrophic accidents. There were also those small happy moments that you would remember for years to come.

“I have never seen a more beautiful blob.”

Ron commented, mesmerized. In all of his years, Ron had never felt more like his father. If it hadn’t been for the muggles and their technology, he would never have been sitting here getting a look at the baby on the way.

“Give it a few more weeks and you will be seeing cool stuff.”

You murmured before squeezing Hermione’s hand. Leaning back in your chair, you looked between Ron and Hermione with a smirk

“What?”

Ron questioned as you shrugged.

“I was right.”

“About?”

Hermione chimed in. You chuckled before pressing your lips together.

“That the two of you would end up together and have kids. I told you both in first year and you both called me mental.”

Ron and Hermione both laughed at that as Harry sat down.

“She did tell you both.”

“Yeah, yeah…you were right. Congratulations.”

Ron said in a cocky tone before leaning down to kiss Hermione’s forehead. Ginny meanwhile was busy looking at the screen.

“Hey, Y/n, can I try? You make this look fun.”

You glanced over your shoulder making sure the lot of you were alone in the room as Hermione sat up.

“Sure, why not? Here try it on me. You have already seen what a pregnant woman looks like. I’ll give you a go with an empty uterus. This is what it will look like when we are looking for other problems.”

You lay back and instructed Ginny on what to do.

“Um…Y/n?”

Ginny questioned. You poked your head up noticing the stunned expression on your friend’s faces.

“Why the hell are you lot looking like that?”

Harry’s mouth dropped as he looked closer at the screen before turning back to you.

“You’re not exactly…empty.”

Ginny carefully turned the monitor around. Your mouth dropped at what was most definitely a baby. At that moment your world came screeching to a dead ass halt. This was the absolute last thing that you EVER expected!

“Give me that!”

You half yelled before taking the probe from Ginny and copying her once gentle movements.

“Bloody hell.”

You choked out as Hermione clapped her hands together.

“You’re joining our club!”

You had hardly heard Hermione as you moved the probe over your stomach. There was no denying that you were pregnant.

“Is that a second one?”

Harry stammered. With those five words, your shock was magnified by a million times….two…twins…that you had no idea about.

“Yes, Harry. That is a second one.”

You commented. Ginny and Hermione were busy chattering about how happy they were to have you in their “circle” now. Harry and Ron gave each other a careful look before Harry moved to sit beside you.

“Didn’t you have any idea?”

You ran a hand over your face as you considered Harry’s question. Thinking over the past few weeks there were signs. You had been extremely tired and sick to your stomach but you had accredited that to dealing with Regulus and his new condition.

Regulus

You immediately winced thinking about how you were going to spring this news on Regulus. He had already been through so much over the last bit. Add being the proud new dad to twins was going to most likely be the “straw that broke the camel’s back.”

“I just thought it was the fatigue from dealing with Regulus and working so much. Oh shit, Harry, I have to tell Regulus. He is not going to handle this well. With everything that’s going on…now this.”

Ron appeared a bit annoyed.

“If he is man enough to have sex with you then he is man enough to be father. If he starts shit, I’ll take him out back and beat him.”

You didn’t have the heart to tell Ron that Regulus would wipe the floor with his face.

“Thanks for the offer, mate, but I don’t want him to kill you. I’m sure that he will be fine after the initial shock wears off. Hell, the shock hasn’t even worn off for me so I can’t really speak for him.”

Ginny came to join you on the bed.

“You know, love, as much as I want to be an aunt…if you feel this isn’t right for you…there are options.”

You squeezed Ginny’s hand before shaking your head.

“I know. I’m sure I’ll be fine once I process this a little more appropriately. Look when we get back I need you lot to do me a solid and not let it slip.”

Arriving back home, you tried to act like it was just a normal day. Maybe you could trick Regulus and everyone else into thinking that you were just tired.

“It's good to have a dream, Y/n. He knows when the smallest thing is off.”

You frowned at the little voice in your head. Regulus could pick up when your mood was off even if you were being a master at hiding it.

“So, where have you been?”

You nearly screamed the moment Regulus wrapped his arms around your waist.

“I was at the hospital. Hermione and Ginny wanted to see their baby. Oddly enough, there is a machine for that.”

“Apparently everyone was having sex at the same time.”

Regulus commented before moving to sit on the couch. He didn’t look up right away. When he did the expression on your face made him raise an eyebrow. You hadn’t moved from your place by the door and were looking at Regulus as if you were expecting him to go to pieces at any moment. Over the past few weeks Regulus had gotten used to you looking at him carefully but this time…this was just weird.

“Yeah..looks like it.”

You replied, internally cringing. Little did Regulus know how right he was.

“So, what's with you? You seem off.”

Regulus questioned as Sirius walked in and plopped down on the couch. He didn’t notice the weird expression on your face.

“Oh…nothing…just tired.”

Sirius looked up at that comment. He looked at you carefully.

“Yeah, I’m not buying that.”

Regulus said. Sirius was busy looking between Regulus and yourself. He hadn’t really experienced an argument between the two of you and really didn’t want to start today.

“Sirius, are you seeing this?”

Regulus questioned.

“What’s wrong, sugar?”

Sirius questioned, sounding like his normally jovial self.

You are going to have to tell him. It's better to just drop the ball.

You thought. As much as you didn’t want to listen to the “voice of reason” in your head, you knew that you needed to tell Regulus. The longer you waited the more annoyed he would be when he found out that you had been gatekeeping that information so secret.

“I need you to keep an open mind.”

The expression on Regulus’ face told you exactly what he was feeling. He was now on edge. Were you about to leave him? Was there something more happening that he didn’t know about?

“That depends. Y/n, you know that you can tell me whatever it is. Did you accidentally kill somebody? Like Fenrir Greyback, perhaps and I didn’t get a swing in?”

You shook your head.

“No, love. I know better than to off him and not let you do some kind of damage. I want you to look at this and tell me you see.”

You handed Regulus the sonogram picture and watched him frown as he looked it over.

“Baby A…Baby B…looks like someone is having a baby. Hermione and Ginny are having babies.”

“They aren’t the only ones.”

You added as Regulus’ eyes went wide. He looked up at you before looking back down at the pictures.

“Y/n.”

“Regulus.”

Regulus was dead silent for a moment. He ignored Sirius who gasped in total shock.

“We’re having a baby?”

“Yes, we are having a baby. We are having a baby!”

You nearly yelled. Regulus’ mouth dropped.

“What is this baby A and baby B thing? Is it different angles…or is this what I’m thinking?”

“It's twins. Please tell me that you aren’t angry.”

Regulus didn’t say a word for a moment. To say that he was stunned was an understatement. Was it a bad time to be having a baby? Not, necessarily. There was no longer a dark lord on a death mission. Was it inconvenient due to Regulus’ current condition? Yes.

“Hell, I don’t know what to do with a baby! I was the baby! What the hell am I going to do with two of them? What if we lose one?”

Regulus’ head was going into a tailspin but he forced that to stop the moment that he focused his attention on your face.

“I can’t hurt her…not now…now like this."”

Regulus forced his inner turmoil away as he quickly moved to wrap his arms around you.

“How could I be angry about something like that? I did help get you into this predicament. Everything will be just fine. I’m only shocked.”

You were instantly relieved when Regulus’ voice resumed his normally calm tone.

“Promise?”

Regulus nodded.

“Of course. I guess it's safe to say that we were all doing the same thing at the same time too. Why don’t you go wait for me upstairs? I would like to have some privacy with you.”

You kissed Regulus once before leaving the room. The moment that you walked out, the soft smile on Regulus’ face vanished and was replaced by a horrified expression.

“What have I just gotten myself into?”

Regulus thought as Sirius came to join him.

“You have to be the most extra person that I have ever seen. The two of you just had to go and make a litter.”

Regulus didn’t move for a moment before running a hand through his hair.

“I really hate you right now.”

____

@geeksareunique @jessyballet @knreidy1 @fific7 @dumbbunnys-safes @mimisparkle12 @teletubiswszpilkach @siriuslyceleste @justfinishthis @spideyxalmighty @lucasfilms77 @rubyroscoe1 @readtomeregulus @i-love-scott-mccall @s-we-e-t-t-ea @taylor-will-be-the-death-of-me @iluvthe-marauders @woohoney @abaker74 @regulus-black-223048 @saramaple @missgorldafirst @millies0bsimp @dumybitch @stelleduarte @gugggu6gvai @jag9000 @bennyberry @f4iryluvy @panpride @haroldpotterson @mentally-unstable-hoe @goldensunshineshit @padf00ts-l0ver @marichromatic @ravenhood2792 @playmore-zeppelin @ell0ra-br3kk3r @rogue-nyx88 @ad-astra-again @regulusblackswhorecrux @livshifts @coffeeaddictednymph @authoressskr @emiwrites3reads @knight-of-gleefulness @summer-novak @wontlookaway @shaylybaby2032

[the-cookie-of-doom]

KimChay still happens despite Kim sleeping with Porsche. As much as they care for each other, there are no deeper feelings. This isn’t a forever relationship. It’s sex in exchange for protection that morphs into fond companionship, but that’s as far as it ever gets. 

Chay is ~14/15 when Kim joins the family. Kim is ~18. This means that while Kim is acting out being rebellious and thinking he’s more mature than he is, Chay falls into the Annoying Little BrotherTM category. And he really… doesn’t leave that mental image Kim has of him until they’re both much older, and Kim realizes oh no, he’s hot. 

But until then! Some canon KimChay things happen, like the guitar tutoring! Kim doesn’t get the chance to become Wik in this AU, but he still has his love of music. It’s his primary coping mechanism for *gestures at everything*. He nearly cries when Porsche rewards him with a guitar a few months into their arrangement. Then at some point Chay catches him playing, likes what he hears, and pesters Kim into teaching him until he finally gives in. 

Chay is also a naughty little gremlin with a cute crush on his brother’s sex slave, and maybe kind of wondering if they’re like. Exclusive? Or if it’s more of a “Kim sold himself to the family, for anyone to use” kind of deal? And if maybe he has a chance? (He doesn’t. He’s too young, he’s been firmly little-brothered by Kim, and Porsche would kill him for trying. But a guy can dream, okay? It doesn’t help that he’s seen Kim in compromising positions way too many times not to fantasize about being the one to put him in those positions.) 

Anyway. There’s the context for this scene. 

-

Chay is still turning his guitar while Kim idly strums on his own. He has a little monitor sitting on the table in front of them, flashing red and green lights to let him know when he gets it right. Kim hasn’t managed to teach him how to tune by ear yet. He hates the monitor; Kim vows to break Chay of that filthy habit eventually. 

“Who taught you how to play guitar, P’Kim?” Chay asks, in that sweet voice of his. He’s staring down at his guitar with a little furrow between his brows, carefully twisting the frets in miniscule increments. Kim’s getting frustrated just listening to it. He wants to tell the boy he’s at least two full turns off, and the glacial pace he’s taking is excruciating. 

“My brother,” Kim answers, and doesn’t say anything more, even when Chay gives a curious little hum. Of course, Chay is never one to exist in silence. 

“Do you ever miss him?”

Only when he let himself. 

“No.”

“Aow, really?” Kim nods once, tightening his grip on the neck of his guitar. He isn’t strumming anymore. “I don’t know what I would do if I left hia. I think I’d miss him so much I would die.”

“My brother and I weren’t close.” 

“You came here because of him, right? To protect him? You wouldn’t do that if you didn’t love him.” 

“You’re right, Kinn is the reason I’m here. Because of his stupid decisions. I don’t want to be here.” Kim fights to keep his voice even. He isn’t going to snap at Chay. He isn’t going to encourage this line of conversation, either. 

Chay stopped trying to tune his guitar.

“Do you hate it here?” 

Does he? 

Kim isn’t mistreated. Porsche has never once forced himself on him, and didn’t punish Kim when he killed three guards for attempting to. Porsche has held up his end of the bargain to shelter Kim from his father’s wrath. He never leaves the compound, but not because it’s forbidden; he has more freedom than he expected to, when he first offered himself to Porsche’s mercy. 

“No,” Kim eventually answers. He takes Chay’s guitar from him and begins to tune it. 

“Do you want to leave?”

“I don’t have anywhere else to go.” 

“But if you did, would you?”

“Maybe. I don’t know. I haven’t thought about it.” Kim doesn’t see the point of perseverating over something that won’t happen. These are his circumstances. They aren’t going to change. It doesn’t matter what he would do if things were different, because they aren’t. 

Chay takes back his guitar, now tuned, and stares down at his hands on the strings. 

“I’m sorry, P’Kim,” he says, standing. “That sounds like a very sad way to live.” 

Kim watches Chay leave without another word. He feels like he should call the boy back. He doesn’t. 

[archivalofsins]

Common Amane Innocent talk because no I won't shut up about her and nobody can fucking make me. Look at all the prisoners wielding weapons in the new minigram that they all have access to within the prison!

Scissors something everyone canonically has access to due to Amane's voice drama.

A fucking icepick?!

Why the hell is this here? Oh, the minigrams aren't canon, some will say. They aren't canon to the timeline we're in currently. However, the prisoners are still the prisoners, and they are still in Milgram. Also, Es has confirmed there is a supply closet with an unknown amount of items in it in Amane's second voice drama. All of these are things that would commonly be found in a supply closet or a toolbox that would also commonly be found in a supply closet. Explaining how they managed to fix the sprinklers and make sandbags when the water malfunctioned in that one minigram.

Literally, everyone here, including Shidou, has access to everyday tools that could be used as weapons. Which is fucking wild considering Mu is shown to kill someone with a box cutter that is shown to be a common everyday school supply she carries in her bag. Like everyone is literally screwed this intermission and voting anyone guilty twice in the hopes of getting them restrained could very well lead to that prisoners death.

It's important to think about both Amane and Mikoto's cases seriously.

Restraint doesn't just mean they can not hurt others but that they can not defend themselves as well. Something that is necessary for both of them as they've both had their safety threatened by Kotoko,

20/06/18

Amane: Thank you very much for teaching me. ……but, though I realise it’s strange me saying this after I asked you, I must admit it’s kind of unexpected. You give off the impression of someone who wouldn’t want to get involved in things like this.

Kotoko: ……well, you’re not wrong. I’m surrounded by people who could all be murderers, so I don’t plan on going out of my way to talk and make friends. I can’t let my guard down. But I like ambitious people like you. If you want to study more, then I’m happy to teach.

Amane: I see…… You look scary at first impression, but I quite like the way you treat everyone equally regardless of whether they’re older or younger than you. You don’t just treat me like a child or anything like that.

Kotoko: Treat you like a child? Hah, you’ve got to be kidding. Back when I was your age, I was already the person I am today. I don’t have any plans to let you get away with something just “because you’re a child.” ……remember that. There, I’ve finished marking. 83%. How do I put it… Even though you act like this, it’s not like you’re super brilliant at studying or anything, huh.

22/12/15 (Kotoko’s Birthday)

Mikoto: Ah, Koto-chan. It’s been a while. Both of us have kinda split off from the group, but how’ve things been? A lot’s happened, but fr now let’s try to get along. I mean, it’s your birthday today, right? I got the feeling nobody else was going to do anything, so I came to celebrate.

Kotoko: ……how carefree. It doesn’t matter, a villain like you won’t be forgiven next time either. And when that time comes, it’ll be the end for you. I’ll make sure of it myself.

Mikoto: Ahh?? Just try and do it, you nutjob. I’ll crush anyone who hurts me…… You’re gonna be totally beaten at your own game……!

[TN: The word “me” here uses first person pronoun “boku”.]

Kotoko: Hm. The border between the two is getting a lot vaguer. Your entire existence is a crime. And I will see you’re punished for it. That is what Milgram, and Es, and I have chosen.

X

And, they are surrounded by multiple people who have been implied to have killed individuals their age. From the beginning of Milgram.

From Shidou saying it's fitting that a child would be the one to judge him in his first voice drama, seeing Haruka's statements on not being good with children Amane's age turning into I'm no longer afraid of children along with being visually shown his victim was a little girl. Combined with his statements regarding Amane in his first voice drama, it is implied that his victim was around or Amane's age. Kotoko jumps a guy who doesn't seem much younger or older than Mikoto and is shown attacking people older than herself. Everyone here has killed, and they all have access to weapons.

So, I find it very interesting to see who's treated as a threat and not by the fandom.

[island-in-the-shadows]

Thank you for the very detailed reply! You’ve given me a lot to think about from a legal perspective. Follow up questions (feel free to ignore if I’m pestering you) in the hypothetical scenario that Felix simply tires of Oliver the way he did with Eddie, does Oliver still react the same way? If their friendship had ended on more amicable, gradual, mundane terms, is Oliver still pushed over the edge to the point that murder is on the table? I think his first instinct would be to crank up the lies, but if Felix doesn’t bite? He’d still be heartbroken, but would he be as angry as he was at “you make my blood run cold”?

Had Felix lived, do you think he would’ve eventually grown into a stiff upper lipped snob? After all, Elspeth was also a party girl who fraternised with rock stars and then look at the version we meet.

This is an unpopular opinion I guess but to me the heartbeat of the movie was Felix. I know Oliver is more popular, especially on Tumblr, but I was completely smitten with Jacob Elordi. What are your headcanons about him? Mine is that the reason he was found so quickly is because Venetia raised the alarm. I think she was very very attached to him (maybe to an unhealthy amount the way a lot of people seem to be) and no matter how busy things got she always had one eye on her brother, making sure he was okay.

My pleasure to answer, Anon! 1. In the hypothetical scenario that Felix got bored, Oliver would continue to try to find ways to hook Felix back in. The only way he would then act with more murderous intent would be if there were no going back whatsoever. No way out but this. Oliver, in the moment where he decides to give Felix the bottle, is a hurt animal backed into a corner. So he reacts impulsively and emotionally. Outside of that context, he will continue to do anything that he has to do to continue to be interesting to Felix and to keep himself in Felix's orbit while not harming Felix as long as he does not believe that there is no other way. I do not think there would be a reason for Oliver to let it go. He would keep at it and never let go. And it's evident that he would continue to get at it since, in film canon, it has been 15 years and he continues to view Felix as his God, worthy of his love and idolatry, despite being dead. If I may quote NBC Hannibal for a moment, Dr. DuMaurier tells Will Graham (now having accepted the dark parts of his nature and desirous to act chaotically in order to free his would be lover): "You found religion. Nothing more dangerous than that." Though I won't get into the dissection we could make of that line in the context of its source, I can express that, to Oliver, Felix is, essentially, his religion. And Oliver is nothing short of devout. Yes, even sacrificing Felix falls into a sense of idolatry because he has forever frozen Felix at the height of his perfection through Oliver's eyes. The way Felix is framed in the opening and closing montages of the film, through Oliver's eyes, tells us as such. Felix is forever perfect. Given that this is how Oliver sees Felix and feels about Felix regardless of all the foibles that Felix certainly has, he would NEVER let Felix go. Ever. He would keep trying to hook Felix or he would die trying.

2. I do speculate a bit about this more in my fic than I have in proper meta, but...Felix would have an immense amount of pressure on him to confirm to fit a specific mould. Despite that Venetia is older, context clues in the film (such as Felix having the conversation with Farleigh in regards to money for Frederica) indicate that it would have been Felix to inherit the estate and the title that goes along with it, certainly. This means that while some deviation from the "standard" picture of stiff upper lip aristocracy might've been tolerated, it would not have been permissible and allowed in its entirety. @leiflitter covers bits of this in their wonderful You're Almost Home series which, if you've not read, I strongly recommend. In their story, an adult Felix still retains bits and pieces of the vibrant personality that makes him him, but parts of it have been dampened by the circumstance of him having a quickie marriage to a woman he barely knew because she got pregnant, becoming a parent (especially becoming a parent very young), and eventually becoming the Master of the Estate and, if I'm not mistaken, a baronet. Per the rules of the aristocracy, there was no way that Felix could simply not marry a girl he got pregnant. He had to marry her to cover the scandal and the baby serves as an heir which would be expected of him. Even if we go outside of this wonderful fic, and go back into canon meta, Felix has expectations on him: marrying a woman, having heirs, inheriting and managing Saltburn. It doesn't seem like a lot and it does come with gargantuan wealth but, you said it yourself, Elspeth used to run around with musicians and was probably wild back in the day, but she became a house cat, so to speak, when she became the Lady of Saltburn. And Elspeth would arguably have had less expectation on her. She needed to marry rich and birth heirs and be the picture of quiet civility. She is likely, as we know her, a dampened version of who she was before marriage. Felix has just the bit more of not only perpetuating the system to which he belongs but managing it. It's a lot of responsibility to put on one person. And, I think, he's already keenly aware of the responsibility that will fall onto his lap even before his father dies. It's why he buries his emotions in alcohol, drugs, and (terrible) sex with girls he couldn't give a flying fig about. So, while I do think some who 20yo Felix is survives an adulthood in the aristocracy, we're looking at an adult Felix being kinda like his mum in some aspects and kind of like his dad in others (dampened, stiff upper lip versions of who they probably really are).

3. I don't know that it's an unpopular opinion, actually. In my opinion, the film itself tells you it's about Felix. It's often misinterpreted (specifically by shit critics and YouTubers) as being a bad "Eat the Rich" movie with Oliver being the wild bisexual who just wanted the Cattons' riches. However, the first line is about Oliver "not" being in love with Felix. And, we know from Emerald, that is a lie. That Oliver was in love with Felix. It's evident from how the camera frames Felix. It's evident with the fact that the light goes from rich and golden while Felix is alive, to stark and white in a post-Felix world. Felix is Oliver's religion, and he is the story. He is, as you said, the heartbeat. What happens is that Oliver is a lot more fun to dissect than Felix is. I say this as someone who continuously dissects Felix and have put a lot of the dissection of his character into fic. But, Oliver would not be Oliver without Felix. He didn't really exist before him and we wouldn't have the film or any of the events without Felix being this Apollo coded figure. Also, yes, Jacob Elordi's subtle performance as Felix often goes unnoticed, but it was absolutely wonderful.

4. Ok so one of my head-canons would be this (another long post because it's how I do when I really get into it). Venetia is his older sister, so I agree that she is very protective of him (Again, something I explore more in my fic than I have in meta but I could do a whole post on the sibling dynamics). I have other small ones like Felix repeatedly took his shoes off and threw them when he was very little, that his guitar playing is subpar but he knows how to play Oasis' Wonderwall and probably played it for Ollie, that he could not pick out India or Annabel out in a police lineup (I just don't think he really views them as people), that he has a MASSIVE sweet tooth and prefers "girly" cocktails to more "manly" drinks but doesn't order them because he doesn't want people to judge, that he has comfort clothes and wears them until they're beyond repair (like the blue sweater at the beginning of the film having holes for example), etc. Felix is lovely and we know so little about him and I do adore him. I get why Oliver lost his mind over this big himbo.

[spicybylerpolls]

Cafe anon is SO REAL for sharing their story. You’re not alone. I think that’s the elephant in the room not just here on spicy byler tumblr, but in any coming-of-age media contexts, so I applaud anon for directly facing the elephant.

And thank you spicybylerpolls for giving us a platform to express our unfiltered thoughts!

I remember they tried to cancel gracie abrams for saying something similar even though she was (a. not that much older than Finn, and b. correct lol). Even to this day people on twitter won’t let her live it down, even though it shouldn’t even matter cause Gracie and Finn are, you know, both legal adults now and within dateable range.

I think in anon’s case, being older than Gracie was at the time, it makes sense that they were especially freaked out by their “less than kosher” thoughts at the time since they were inherently scandalous. But any therapist will tell you not to dwell on your shocking thoughts as they don’t define you. They don’t make you a bad person. They just are what they are, shout out to Ke$ha.

In our world we have lines, and these lines are good cause they protect real-life kids from harm and abuse. I think we can all agree with that! But they weren’t created to protect us from our OWN thoughts. They CAN’T really do so. They don’t have that power. Cause then it becomes a maze of, “Your thoughts are bad and you need to be fixed and re-educated” which isn’t healthy. I feel like a better approach is to reflect and mediate on the potential deeper reasons for things.

In cafe anon’s case, she and her friend noticed something w/out any filters, and then they had to make sense of what they noticed cause it raised their alarm bells. Did it make them a “creep?” I don’t think so. I also feel like a true “creep” wouldn’t freak out. They would just be creepy.

I like the explanation of this not being a case of perving on a 13-year old actor and actually wanting to be with them in a tangible sense, but rather an act of putting yourself in your past teenage shoes. Speaking for myself, I know I constantly have dreams where i’m 14 or 15 again, and maybe even dreaming of someone I used to have a crush on. In my mind, they are still 14. We are both still 14. Is that weird? Some might argue that it is, but is it really? I think it’s normal.

But I also think this is a deeply psychological subject that gets at the heart of what we’re comfortable with, and what we SHOULD be comfortable with, and there’s no doubt it’s controversial. But if you can’t be controversial anonymously on an already anonymous platform, where can you be controversial? Nowhere.

Many are uncomfortable with this convo cause they conduct themselves in such a way that no incorrect thought EVER slips in. The more filters you put in, the less you allow yourself to ruminate and reflect upon all aspects of human psychology, the less familiar anon’s admissions will be. But a part of art, a part of being an artist, is to embrace the gray area, no? Is this a slippery slope? Maybe. But slip n’ slides are also fun.

It doesn’t mean dwelling on it, ofc. It’s wise to stick to age-appropriate crushes. Please don’t misinterpret my words. My point is that it’s totally normal to have thoughts you shouldn’t have from time to time. That’s called being human.

There’s this idea that everyone is a perfectly upstanding citizen and no one ever goes where they shouldn’t in their brain, and if you do you’re a creep and the FBI will knock down on your brain’s door, but that’s silly IMO. I applaud café anon for unpacking her physiological reaction to the photoshoots and then moving on with her life.

Of course, not everyone has the same filtering system or comfort level. Some us needed the clear line of demarcation of S4 byler to think spicily, and some of us have no such filter have no such filter and have always been thinking spicy thoughts about these characters, aged-up ofc!

I think now though, I’m so glad that more and more of us are recognizing the clear sexual innuendos and subtext the Duffers have placed into the show. And I hope we will approach S5 and the potential consummation scene with maturity! The Duffers aren’t creeps for telling this story. And you’re not creepy for noticing it.

Many would say that 13 is too young to use terms like “hot” even if you recognize their potential/recognize their cuteness, and I’d agree. But then the question becomes, where is the line? Lots of us here believe Finn and Noah are “hot” now. But at what point did they become hot, hmm?

Obviously on their 18th birthday and not a second before, you degenerates /s

I think if most of us are being honest, even if we wouldn’t say it out loud, we know that isn’t true. You grow into what you become. It doesn’t happen overnight with a birthday. And no one should be attacked for being honest.

Honesty isn’t a crime.

Thank you sharing your thoughts! There's a lot to unpack here. I agree that no one should be attacked for their honesty. And I agree that those who still try to cancel Gracie Abrams are ridiculous.

[depressedhouseplant]

🔞 In Darkness I Found You 🔞

Chapter 17

Tags: None

“Are you okay?” Yoongi asked the next morning when he brought Jina in for her morning feeding.

“Yeah, I just had a super early morning. A couple of the horses needed more exercise than usual,” Hobi said.

“I was wondering where you were when I woke up around 5 to feed Jina,” Yoongi said.

“I, um, can I ask you something? You don’t have to answer,” Hobi said.

“Okay,” Yoongi replied suspiciously.

“How did you end up at the farm, like, in the first place?” Hobi asked.

Please let it be a lie. Please.

Yoongi dropped his head and Hobi saw him slightly tighten his grip on Jina.

“I ran away from home when I was 15 and made some pretty bad choices. I met Jimin one day and he told me that he could help me. He could give me a place to stay and I wouldn’t have to worry about living on the street anymore,” Yoongi replied.

“Did you ever…?” Hobi started.

“No, never. I think he just trolled those areas for Omegas he thought he could trick. He tricked me,” Yoongi replied.

“So you weren’t a virgin when you went to the farm?” Yoongi shook his head. “Why lie to me?”

“What was I gonna say? I ran away and sold myself for almost a year until Jimin found me? That I’m a whore and I killed Jina’s twin,” he started to cry. Jina started to fuss because Yoongi was getting upset. “I’m sorry, little one.”

“Here, let’s take a breather,” Hobi gently took Jina from Yoongi. He tucked Yoongi under his arm and rested Jina on his chest. “I’m not judging you, love. It doesn’t matter what happened. We’re here now. We’re a family. I’m sorry I asked and that was wrong of me. Nothing more to worry about.”

Yoongi was sobbing into Hobi’s shoulder. Hobi felt like a complete jackass. He shouldn’t have said anything. He should’ve just let it go. But what Jimin had said wouldn’t get out of his head.

“I didn’t mean to upset you. I love you, Yoongi. Please know that I love you no matter what,” Hobi kissed the top of his mate’s head.

“I love you, too,” he sniffed.

“And I love you, Jina,” Hobi said to the squirming baby on his chest. “I think your uncles are trying very hard to give you a little cousin. They’ve made the house all kinds of stinky.”

“Do you want another one?” Yoongi asked.

“Honey, she isn’t even a month old yet. Let’s worry about more pups when this one is a little older. Right cutie?” The baby made a cooing sound. “She agrees with me.”

“Thank you,” Yoongi said.

“You’re welcome. For whatever you’re thanking me for,” Hobi replied.

“Can I still blame my hormones?” Yoongi asked.

“Absolutely,” Hobi held them together like the Alpha he was supposed to be. His hurt, ashamed, and exhausted mate and a pup that wasn’t his. Hobi didn’t care. He didn’t have to question if he would kill to protect them. He already had. The SWAT team arrived on time to discover Jimin’s dead body in the pen with the Omegas. They were taken into police custody to see if any of them had been reported missing. Hobi wasn’t thrilled with that idea, but Namjoon assured him that he’d personally see that they were taken care of. When the SWAT team asked what happened, Namjoon simply shrugged and said “Guess he got too cocky.” Hobi had rushed home so he didn’t have time to talk to Namjoon about what happened. He made a mental note to call him later.

“Hobi?” Yoongi’s voice snapped him back to reality.

“Hm?” he noised.

“I asked if you wanted to go for a walk. Yuna and Tae said I need to move around more,” Yoongi replied.

“But it’s cold,” Hobi protested.

“We can bundle up. You’ll live,” Yoongi grinned.

“Fine, let’s go for a walk. Whose side are you on?” he looked down at Jina. She balled up one of her tiny fists and brushed his chin.

“Punching me already? You are gonna take after your Omega Daddy.” Hobi teased.

“I’ve never punched you,” Yoongi stuck his tongue out. You might if you knew what I did.

“Alright, let’s go,” Hobi got up and went to get everyone bundled up to walk around a 50 acre horse farm at the end of November.

As they were walking, Hobi’s phone dinged. It was a text from Namjoon.

Namjoon : Can you talk?

“Who is it?” Yoongi asked.

“Namjoon. Guess I should see what he wants,” Hobi replied. “You two keep going. I’ll catch up with you.”

“Okay,” Yoongi sounded suspicious but left Hobi to detour into one of the barns.

“What’s up?” he asked when Namjoon picked up.

“Just wanted to update you on the status of the Omegas we found,” he replied. “A couple had been reported missing, but most were runaways or former street hookers.”

“And?” Hobi prompted.

“They aren’t too happy with the fact we took them away after they…you know,” Namjoon said.

“So what? All they wanted was new management?” Hobi asked.

“I honestly don’t know. I wanted your opinion before I did anything,” Namjoon said.

“What are the options? I assume going back out on the street isn’t one of them,” Hobi replied.

“Some former farms have been converted into surrogacy centers. They’re heavily regulated and monitored for any shady behavior. It’s cheaper than adoption and there’s no actual sex involved. The Alphas donate sperm and the Omegas are impregnated that way,” Namjoon explained.

“You think they’d be open to that? Where are these centers?” Hobi wasn’t sure this wouldn’t devolve right back to what it was before.

“Most are urban, but they’re considering expanding to more rural areas for the couples who can’t make it to a large city regularly,” Namjoon told him.

“Would they actually recycle that prison?” Hobi was beginning to feel nauseous.

“Not that location exactly, but in a similar area. I think this is a good compromise. The ones who either don’t want to go back or don’t have anywhere to go stay in a controlled environment. No Alphas are allowed on the grounds unless they’re medical professionals or couples picking up a pup. I need your support on this, Hobi. After what happened I don’t want to do anything that will start the cycle all over again,” Namjoon was bordering on desperate.

“Who monitors these facilities?” he asked.

“I can become an Investigator pretty easily. Then I’m allowed to pick my team. I wanted you and Tae,” Namjoon told him. Hobi thought for a moment. This seemed like the best option for the Omegas who had nowhere else to go.

“You swear it wouldn’t go right back to what it was?” Hobi asked.

“I visited one this morning. It was clean, the Omegas were well fed and in good health, and the staff was more than willing to show me every area. Some of them were definitely Breeders before because I saw some…obvious…injuries. Please Hobi? You’re one of the few I trust to help me with this. If Jin, Yoongi, and Jungkook are up for it we can even let them tour the facilities to make sure they don’t see something that we miss,” Namjoon said. Hobi sighed.

“Sure, I’ll help you,” he replied.

“Thank you! I’ll start filling out the paperwork when we hang up,” Namjoon sounded practically giddy.

“Send me the information and I’ll sign it when I get it,” Hobi said.

“I promise you won’t regret this,” Namjoon said.

“I hope I don’t,” Hobi replied. When he hung up the phone and turned around, Yoongi was behind him with a blank look on his face.

“I knew you wouldn’t listen,” he said.

[skatiet]

On Grief and Loneliness (Excerpts From My Journal Since My Dad Died)

content warning: grief, loneliness, family member death, family member illness, suicidal ideation, existential crisis, loss of childhood home, animal death (nothing particularly graphic; just being thorough)

December 26, 2022

One month later… I miss him. That’s all there is to it, really. The immediate trauma of it all–seeing his face every time I close my eyes, hearing myself call out to him–has passed for the most part. Now it just feels like there is this empty space in my life. I keep half expecting to see a text or missed call from him, keep wanting to check in, even though I know he’s not there. Going back home and having him not be there… I try not to think too long or hard about it. It’s been a lot of that lately, just choosing not to think too much about it.

Christmas was low-key. I didn’t feel much of the magic of the holidays. Part of that is just because of getting older, I think. Next year, I want to be more festive. I just want to live life to the fullest to the extent that I can. I know my dad would be proud of me no matter what, so now I just want to make a life that I can be proud of, too.

I’ve had a few moments (or days) of really bad anxiety/depression, feeling like nothing is going right and it’s not worth it to keep trying, but I keep going, still. I am trying to be present and feel things as deeply as I can, especially the good things, and hopefully, I can find a balance between burying my sadness and feeling it to the point where I feel hopeless.

January 14, 2023

Often, grief is found in the little things, just like joy or love. I drink his tea and remember making it for him when he couldn’t do it himself, when standing was too difficult, when I was desperate for him to have something in his stomach. A splash of milk and a spoonful of honey or sometimes sugar. How he said I made it extra sweet. How I was adding as much milk, honey, and sugar as I could get away with, trying to give him as much energy and strength as I could. How he would fall asleep waiting for it to cool. How I had to remind him to drink. Reheating it again and again. The desperation those mugs held. Now, it is warm and comforting.

March 17, 2023

My dad loved Ireland and Boston and the town we lived in (all the places he was from). He loved rock music. He loved hiking. He loved stamps and antiques and magic tricks. He loved pizza and sushi and steak, lobster rolls and burgers and desserts. (He really loved food. He even liked trying vegetarian options and eating them with me.) He loved cats and dogs and owls. He loved people; he saw the good in everyone. He loved my sister and me. And we love him.

March 24, 2023

The wind is loud, and everyone is safe inside their homes, and I am safe, too, but this doesn’t feel like home.

June 14, 2023

It hits me that I’ve lost so much all at once– a family member, a home, so many things that used to be mine. I’ve lived so many places that it feels impossible to settle in, to feel secure. So much of my life has been spent on the outside, always feeling like an afterthought, never a first choice, and I wonder if I’ve ever belonged anywhere.

June 15, 2023

I’m not a holiday person. At some point, I realized that assigning too much meaning to one particular day is a great way to end up disappointed. It doesn’t matter what I think, though. Every calendar will still tell me what I’m meant to be celebrating, or what someone is meant to be celebrating who believes in something I don’t. I don't believe in much, actually. That never felt more true than after my father died. I told my mom I don't believe anything happens to people when they die, that I think they are just gone, and she cried. I don't cry much, either, especially not when other people do. I cry because I’m frustrated, because I’m stressed, because I’m tired. I cried when my dad died, but not as often as I felt I should in the days that followed. I know grief is individual and no way of grieving is right or wrong or normal. That doesn’t make me feel any less alone when my grief isn’t crying, isn’t seeing signs of him or talking to him, because to me, he isn’t there. He is gone. My grief is anger. It’s frustration that I will never see him again. It’s missing him, and it’s aching, and it’s emptiness. It’s a hole in my life where he used to be. It's the time I spent on phone calls now allotted to something else. It’s one less text message to send, one less person to tell stories to. It's the unsettling feeling that my life has already been the best it will ever be, because he will never be in it again. It's listening to songs and looking at photos and feeling something that doesn’t feel like enough. It's wanting to comfort the other people who lost him because they are sadder than I am. It's having regrets about how it all happened and then realizing it’s pointless to feel that way because it’s over. There's no changing any of it, only learning from it. And feeling like nothing matters because everyone I know will die, and I will die, and what’s the point of anything anyway. I'm terrified to forget anything about him. I write down every memory that comes up so I won't lose it. I hold tightly to the things he gave me and the things I have of his. I am halfway waiting for it to hit me, to feel some overwhelming wave of sadness, too late for anyone to understand it, but I also think maybe it will never come.

July 13, 2023

Grief spirals outward. Hope spirals inward. But I don’t want the grief to lessen. It makes me feel real. It makes me feel human.

August 26, 2023

Buyer beware–I don’t believe in ghosts, but the last two owners died in this house, and I know a part of me will live here forever.

September 1, 2023

Four bedrooms. Four names in permanent marker on the workbench in the basement, four letters each. Four cats buried out back by the property line.

December 4, 2023

A year passes, and every change creates a new version of me that he’ll never know, and how different can I become before I’m no longer the person he knew at all?

May 15, 2024

I feel like I’m cursed to forever be running in this race where no matter how hard I try, how fast I move, I will always be in second place (if even that). Never the first choice, never the favorite. They think they know what loneliness is, but they are discussing it with each other while I watch from afar. I can grow and reach and try and try and try, but I will never be enough.

May 19, 2024

How am I supposed to be a grown adult but still have the same feelings as when I was a child? Is this just going to be my entire life, never feeling like anyone actually cares about me? I don’t want to give up on people, but I am so fucking tired of trying and never getting what I want in return.

July 2, 2024

I’ve tried to make it sound pretty, tried to make it sound wise, twisted and turned the words around in my head, but I can only come back to: the only person who ever made me their first choice is dead and gone forever. And I don’t know how to make that sound nice.

[konoa-t]

Uhhh for the ready set novel thing, do 3 for Yumi. 15 for Reuben. 19 for Dawn, Reuben, and Yumi.

Also do 6 and 13 for whoever you want.

Ok so lotsa text so I'm putting it behind a cut

[CW: Profanities]

Yumi:

3. …There was a moment of silence between the two. Yumi was now face to face with what looked to be a younger version of herself. She wondered if this was some kind of sick joke, or perhaps a trap laid by her enemies. The younger version cocked her head to the side, visible confusion on her face.

"... Who are you?" She asked, eyes fixed on the older Yumi’s rather decorative mask.

"…” Yumi remains silent, still trying to process what was occurring.

“And,” the younger counterpart continued, “what’s with that goofy mask? Are you celebrating Mardi Gras or something?”

This was all just too much. The older Yumi’s mind was reeling, though soon she opened her mouth to speak.

“I… I think that we… might…” she muttered.

“… Huh?”

“…You. What is your name.”

“Uh…? It’s Yumi…. Why do you ask?”

“That’s… It’s as I thought…”

Just then, the older Yumi pulls off her mask, revealing her face to her younger self.

“Wha… You…!? Why do you… Look so much like me…!?!?” Younger Yumi flinches and backs away, visibly shocked and distressed.

“Judging by your armor, I assume you’ve just been promoted to elite knight?” Older Yumi says, scanning over her counterpart’s outfit.

“!? How… Do you know that? What are you, some kind of mimic…!?”

“I don’t know how to put this gently, so I’ll just say it: You are me, and I am you. Somehow, we’ve managed to run into each other.”

“Wh… what…? That… That doesn’t make any sense. You can’t just run into yourself… I demand you show your real form!” The younger version shouts, pulling out her sword. Though her voice sounded fierce, there was a hint of fear in it.

“Put your sword down… This isn’t something you need to get so worked up over. I’ve heard of the time-space continuum getting hiccups like this before.”

“You’re lying…”

“Does it look like I’m lying? The evidence is right in front of you, isn’t it? Stop being an idiot and use your brain for a second. Besides, even if i was a mimic, what good would freaking out like this do? Were you not trained to remain calm at all times? Or is that just another thing you screwed up?” The older versions voice suddenly became harsh.

“What..?”

“No, I… Sorry. Just… Forget I said any of that, alright? You do need to stay calm, though. If you have any questions, then i’ll answer them.”

“Questions? No, I… Wouldn’t know where to start… There’s no way this can be real… I mean, why… how…?”

“I don’t know. Maybe it was just some freak accident, or maybe some kind of sorcerer is messing with us. Who knows.”

“Hey… Y… You…”

“…What?”

“Your eyes… They’re so… empty… If you’re really me, then just what happened…?”

“That…” The older Yumi hesitated. “… that’s not important. Anyway, focus, would you? We should figure out a way to get back to our respective places in the timeline.”

“But how? We don’t even know how we got here…”

“We’ll figure it out, just like we always have.”

~~~

19. Yumi doesn’t collect anything, though I could picture her having a collection of homemade brooches. She once made one for Oron when she was younger and he really liked it! If she wasn’t in the military, I could picture her opening up a shop for all sort of accessories she made herself. She’d probably start this collection because she wanted to lean into her hobbies more.

Dawn:

19. Dawn collects pretty much anything that Jamie gifts to her, no matter what it is. She still had the wrapper from the first valentine’s day chocolate she received from her… Other than that, I’d say that she also collects tomes and spell books! She collects all of these things because they carry great usefulness or sentimental value for her.

Reuben:

15. Facebook thread…? (Couldn’t think of a date so imagine that it takes course over 7 days)

Reuben: Today is a great day :D Got to have my wafers and no new casualties! (5 likes)

Ackley: 👍 good job bud

Reuben: Thank you!! :D

Mort: What the hell are you guys doing. Get back to work.

Ackley: Wow sometimes i forget that you technically can talk through typing too haha

Mort: I will see to it that there is suffering in your eyes.

Reuben: Guys pls stop :(

Reuben: Lovely flower I saw today! :) (image) (3 likes)

Dawn: ohhh how pretty!

Reuben: Right? Have a great day :D

Dawn: thanks! you too! <3

Yumi: That’s a flower? I thought it was some kind of bug for a second

Reuben: It’s not a bug!!! :((((

Reuben: I love sunsets! (Image) (15 likes)

DEWitch67: I don’t. get fucked

Reuben: Stop it! :((((

Metus: What made you think that people wanted to see this. What part of your minuscule brain thought that this was what people care about. They could easily just walk outside and look at a sunset themselves. This image is a failure. You are a failure.

Reuben: Why are you guys so mean to me!! D:

Ackley: dont worry bro i think its cool

Reuben: Thank you!! :D

19. Reuben collects medical supplies :D He always tries to stay stocked up and prepared! He also just likes to collect all sorts of colorful bandaids :D

EXTRA:

6. First kiss

Ackley: Ah, my first kiss? Wasn’t very eventful, but it was with a girl named Flora. We were sitting in her room just watching some movies after a day at work. I turned to her and asked if I could kiss her and she said yes.

13. Article (Decided to make this one a surprise! OCs DO NOT BELONG TO ME HERE, THEY BELONG TO @kachikirby )

Local child absolutely OBLITERATES council of Mirror Realm

Last Tuesday, a local grey child known as Dark Sieg was seen causing chaos throughout Mirror Realm, soon toppling the Mirror Realm government, causing chaos and anarchy to reign. Dark Sieg’s mother, Mirror Fettuccine, had this to say about the incident:

“He’s such a cute child, don’t you think? Sure, he can get out of hand, but I really think that he was trying to make a positive change for the Mirror Realm!”

The Mirror Realm has now fallen into complete lawlessness. While she was being interviewed, it was noted that Mirror Fettuccine seemed a little more nervous than usual. Dark Meta Knight, the father of Dark Sieg, seems quite pleased with his son’s recent act of chaos, saying how it “reminded him of the old days”. Will the Mirror Realm ever gain its balance again? Only time will tell.

[adonis-koo]

All of the asks that didn't get responses were from the very first few chapters. Maybe 1-5. It would have been late 2022 or early 2023 as that's when I binge read it. I looked at Wicked's masterlist, and I found the story around Chapters 14/15 I think. It was around the time of them training her to fight and the fight itself. I remember you responding to the ask that I sent in shortly after JK and OC got together (I can't remember the chapter number). I asked if the story was winding down now that the two main leads were together, and you replied no that it still had a ways to go. I don't think there is a way to see what asks I've sent in. I wish there were. Tumblr eats too many asks. It would be nice to have them saved in a place so they can be resubmitted.

I don't review anonymously. I always put as much thought as I can possibly put into my review, and I stand by everything I say in my reviews 100%. So I feel no need to review anonymously.

I don't think it's entitlement to ask for interaction with your readers. I think it's just nice to have readers that want to interact with you as a writer. That's why I said there is nothing better to me than when a writer wants to talk to me about their work. I've made a few writer friends on tumblr and they've bounced ideas for their stories off me several times. I always give my honest opinions on their ideas. I like interacting with them. But I do also agree with you on the part that you do this because you chose to. Because you like doing it. And interaction can't be demanded. Is it nice to receive it, yes. But it shouldn't be mandatory to leave a review on everything you read. Sometimes I read something that I really enjoyed, but I don't have anything to really say about it in a review. I'm not the type of reviewer to just say "oh this was really great, I loved it." You'll never see me do that type of review. lol When I review, I like to write book length reviews, and to write a book length review, I need to have a lot of thoughts and feelings on what I read. Some stories/chapters, I just don't have a lot of thoughts and feelings on, so it's hard for me to leave a lengthy review. So I just choose not to. Doesn't mean I don't like it. But I do always leave a like at the very least, and sometimes a short comment.

I always tell writers to write for themselves. I know it's an overused expression, but it's true. As long as you like what you wrote, then nothing else matters. It doesn't matter if 2 people reviewed it or 100 people. The important part is whether you like it. Some writers on tumblr are happy with 50 likes and a couple comments. Others want 2,000 likes. There's nothing wrong with either option. The writer just needs to figure out what level of interaction they're satisfied with. If they don't hit that, they shouldn't be disappointed. It doesn't mean their work isn't good.

I completely understand what you’re saying, I don’t really have much to say myself though. Other then I think I’m just in a really weird slump and already struggling with other things, writing use to come so much easier to me when I was younger, but the older I get the more it becomes a mental chore, which I hate! Because I still love witting and I always will.

I’m sure we have all read fics at some point and not left a review, I think it’s inevitable, but my vocalizing was directed at people who are avid readers, who do binge read an insane amount of fanfiction and have nothing to say, even if they thoroughly enjoyed it, I’m just venting personal frustration because at some point when you know you have thousands of people reading, it’s disheartening to see.

But I do chose to write for myself, I have been a big advocate of this advice my entire stint as a writer; but it doesn’t make taking it any easier, especially when it has been years of continually being disappointed and having to repeat it, there is no right or wrong way to want something. I guess for the longest time I just didn’t understand why writers retired from this website.

But I’m almost at that point myself now, and I fully understand the way they felt and their love of writing slowly fading, at least in this context. Anyways I do appreciate your words and your thoughts! Thanks for reading and supporting my blog because I truly do appreciate it

[so-ive-been-thinking-that]

already wrote about it in my journal but i had a 3 hour brunch with lisa and it was so good for my soul. i guess i keep writing about it because i don’t want to forget it. i mean ive already lost a lot of the exact words we said. but remembering the gist of it and especially the way it made me feel. seen. understood. not judged at all even if there’s disagreement. safe. like things are going to be okay. like i’m worthy and valuable and capable. like i have a(nother) friend.

im so glad she was able to have time to sit. and im really thankful she stayed for as long as she did. i don’t know if she genuinely didn’t have anywhere else to be or if she decided that our time was more important than the other things in the moment. but either way im grateful. i feel like she sees through all my bullshit. understands me in a way no one else does. not that no one gets me as intimately as she does. just not in the same way as her.

i forget that though i assume mom knows everything about me 1) she doesn’t and 2) but she kind of does have a sense of it all. but i can talk to lisa in a way that i can’t talk to mom. maybe it’s harsh, or not quite the right way to say it, but i think it’s because if lisa ends up leaving or disagreeing beyond agreement it doesn’t matter to me. not that it wouldn’t hurt like hell. but moms my mom. i can make friends with other older women or people in general. i only get one mom. so there’s a level of vulnerability im willing to have with someone like lisa that im not yet able to / comfortable having with mom. i’m closer to it with dad. i don’t know why. he’s softened up quite a bit in the last 10-15 years. mom continues to sweep things under the rug / not talk about things.

i actually had not one but 2 very vulnerable conversations with dad this week while i was home. the first one he was very present in and reassuring but still kept things simple. maybe i caught him off guard a little. maybe not completely, but a little. the second time he didn’t really seem as involved. maybe it was the timing. maybe he didn’t want to get emotional. maybe he was brushing off what i was saying as the same anxieties from the day before ie felt as though we had already covered those things. but it was still a hard conversation for me to start. but i did it. and i felt better after it. and both times mom came home at the end and i promptly washed my face to try to hide the tears. i don’t know if it worked. probably not. but she didn’t ask any questions. to me anyways. idk if she asked dad why i looked like i had been crying. i’m sure if she did he would’ve told her. not sure how much detail he would’ve given. how intentional he would’ve been about level of detail vs just saying an amount he figured was enough. but if all those possibilities aligned then mom still hasn’t let on to me that they did ie hasn’t asked me if i’m ok or about work or anything. so. anyways. back to lisa

i didn’t mean for this post to be so long. i just wanted to log this experience to give it some permanence somewhere. feeling seen so powerfully by someone. maybe that brunch was a religious experience after all.

[talesfromasnarkylisa]

Lacey: Chapter 11

August 15, 2023

After the initial onslaught of drafts passed onto me for Music Refined, I finally had a bit of a break. I did still get two pieces to go over, but they were both rather short at under 500 words. Turned out, Lacey also had some spare time - though less than mine.

Lacey Hannah (08/15/23, 7:00 PM): Hey Archie

Archer J (08/15/23, 7:02 PM): Hi.

Lacey Hannah (08/15/23, 7:04 PM): How’s being a beta reader for you?

Archer J (08/15/23, 7:05 PM): It’s tiring. But I have less stuff to go over now.

Lacey Hannah (08/15/23, 7:08 PM): Same. Anyways, wanna hear some fun news?

Archer J (08/15/23, 7:09 PM): Tell me.

Lacey Hannah (08/15/23, 7:11 PM): I submitted an article to Artsy Carolina. Not only did she accept it, but I also got a link to her semi-private Discord server! We’re hitting it off pretty well right now.

Oh, I thought to myself. Yay. Totally disastrous for my plans to ruin her damn reputation. Sure gonna make things awkward.

Archer J (08/15/23, 7:15 PM): Congrats, if that’s what you want.

Lacey Hannah (08/15/23, 7:17 PM): Why wouldn’t I want it? Folkin’s a great publication for amateur music analysts like me. Not to mention Artsy and the editors are so nice. Way better than Music Refined, for sure.

Archer J (08/15/23, 7:19 PM): Good for you, I guess.

Lacey Hannah (08/15/23, 7:22 PM): You were there once, right? Wasn’t it fun?

Archer J (08/15/23, 7:24 PM): Correct. Look, I really don’t want to talk about this.

Lacey Hannah (7:25 PM, 08/15/23): Sorry.

Archer J (08/15/23, 7:27 PM): Don’t worry about it.

I realized I hadn’t bothered to ask Lacey about Writer’s Delight in a while. This mixed bag was crucial to my plans, so I had to get back on track.

Archer J (08/15/23, 7:28 PM): Have you started drafting a piece for Writer’s Delight yet?

Lacey Hannah (08/15/23, 7:30 PM): Sorta. I’ve had a lot on my hands for a while, so I kind of forgot to finish up my submission for that.

Archer J (08/15/23, 7:32 PM): Alright. Just saying, they have a pretty good acceptance rate. Don’t overthink your writing.

Lacey Hannah (08/15/23, 7:34 PM): I get what you mean, but they do have editorial standards. I still have to put effort in. 

Archer J (08/15/23, 7:35 PM): True. However, I think you’re a great writer. Do your thing and I’m sure you’ll be fine.

Lacey Hannah (08/15/23, 7:36 PM): Thanks for the advice

Archer J (08/15/23, 7:37 PM): No problem.

Later on, I checked the two drafts I got. One of them was about Black artists in punk. The other analyzed the evolution of dance-pop music. Micah told me I could only send one to the main editors.

I made the tough decision of rejecting the first one. Well, officially it would just get ignored. The end result would’ve been the same, though, so why use different terminology? It wasn’t because it was bad or plagiarized or heaven forbid, the writer used ChatGPT. Rather, I had to appeal to the editors’ biases.

It’s not that people like Micah, Tate, or Theodore were bigots or anything of the sort. They weren’t even racially insensitive like the Writer’s Delight editors often could be when it came to media and others’ campaigns. 

The former’s problems were an over reliance on good grammar and mass appeal. “Good grammar” always meant that writing outside of standard American newspaper English would strike down the piece no matter what. “Mass appeal” really translated to appealing to the most reliable audiences. Perhaps due to its near-monopoly on free starter publications, the Writer’s Delight crowd significantly overlapped with the Music Refined one. And that required taming anything social justice related - especially when it came to race.

Sucks? Sure. But Medium doesn’t really seem to care and neither do a lot of readers. There are also a dearth of free and accessible publications. As long as most of these apply, nothing changes.

August 16, 2023 (Morning)

It’s my birthday. Technically, I was born at 12:05 PM. But legally, it doesn’t matter. I’m a year older all the same on my birthday no matter the time.

I didn’t really have huge birthday parties as a kid. With few friends and mostly estranged family, when it came to people other than my parents, there was little point in having large festivities. Either it was my mom dumping sugar onto one of her leftover muffins and calling it “cake” to give to me, or I had to buy a few cupcakes myself for Darian and me. 

I still don’t really party much nowadays. I have some casual friends at Yale, but having a summer birthday means that they won’t bother to come over for a get-together - let alone a party. The most they’d do would be to wish “happy birthday” to me. Not that it matters anyways. I’m too broke to party all that much.

Darian texted me early in the morning.

Darian Stewart (Wed, Aug 16, 5:57 AM): Wishing the happiest birthday to the coolest broski out there! Wanna come to my dorm after work? I have a little surprise for you.

He sent me a Doge meme to go along with it.

That’s nice of him, I thought to myself. Getting up this early and remembering my birthday.

I found it far more palatable than Lacey’s and Augusta’s tastes for cuteness or even Corianna’s fascination for crudeness. After searching the Internet for a response image, I sent Darian my thanks.

James Hill (Wed, Aug 16, 7:00 AM): Thanks, that really means a lot. And I’d definitely like to come over!

Corianna also messaged me after I finished breakfast, so I messaged her back.

Artsy Carolina (08/16/23, 8:00 AM): Happy birthday, my dude. Thanks for being a great friend these past few months.

Archer J (08/16/23, 8:05 AM): No problem. Have a nice day.

What I didn’t expect, though, was to see something from Lacey.

Lacey Hannah (08/16/23, 7:31 AM): Happy BDay Archie! You’re such a wonderful guy to be around. 

She was online, so I messaged her back. Work only started at 9:00 AM, so I had a decent amount of time.

Archer J (08/16/23, 8:10 AM): Thanks.

Lacey Hannah (08/16/23, 8:12 AM): Anyways, I wouldn’t want to disturb your birthday. But there is one little thing I want to ask you. Are you still in Writer’s Delight?

Ughh, not that trainwreck of a publication, I silently sighed.

(Wattpad version: ​​https://www.wattpad.com/1494001627-lacey-chapter-11)

[demigodofhoolemere]

CULPRITS:

KELSEY:

DAISY:

SIMBA:

These animals have all lost their minds.

Kelsey is 15 years old and, while in fantastic physical health, has become more and more mentally out of it, which means that I chalked up her repeatedly going to the bathroom inside the house lately as just not being mentally with it enough to understand that she can’t suddenly start doing that just because the humans and the cats go inside. She has peed and pooped across the length of the basement more times than I now know, no matter how on top of it we are about getting her out into the yard to do her business. It’s not about desperation because no one is letting her out; we MAKE her go out more than she asks for at this point, in the hopes that she’ll take the opportunity to go then instead of when she comes back inside.

We’ve set up a baby gate at the basement door so that she’s no longer able to come downstairs without supervision, and the cats can still slink through to get to their litter boxes. This had seemingly solved the problem.

And yet, the other day, there was poop on my bed. Kelsey can’t get up there and Simba was with me the whole time, so it had to be Daisy. Why on earth she would decide to go to the bathroom there, I have NO idea. She’s had an easy time getting through the gate so it’s not like this should be out of protest for being somehow blocked from the litter box. I can’t help but wonder if her awareness of Kelsey relieving herself in random spots has made her believe she can, too. Obviously, I had to change the sheets and clean the spot as well as I could, and air-freshened the crap out of it (literally).

That was weird enough. Now, in the wee hours of the morning, Kelsey has apparently decided that if she can’t go in the basement then she’ll still go inside the house rather than just asking to be let out, because there was dog poop on the floor of the living room. So now there’s concern that even the gate hasn’t stopped her weird new habit, if she’d still rather do her business inside regardless of not being able to do it on her preferred level of the house. I don’t know what’s possessed her to suddenly decide she doesn’t have to go outside to do this, and she doesn’t seem to have incontinence that she just can’t control this nor does she seem to be in any pain when she goes to the bathroom so it doesn’t appear to be a UTI. I don’t know what to think.

On top of the two girls deciding to do their business in random parts of the house, soon on the heels of Kelsey’s upstairs poop, Simba decided to join in on the animal bathroom shenanigans by peeing on my bed. This is the weirdest one of them all to me. I really wouldn’t have expected this of him, he’s never had any incidents in the house and he also more often than not sleeps in my bed with me at night, and cats don’t generally relieve themselves in the same areas that they sleep in. I’m completely baffled by this coming from him. Whatever remnant scent of Daisy’s poo must have enticed him to that spot as a bathroom spot, but I don’t understand why he wouldn’t just go to his actual bathroom as usual (nor do I understand why Daisy didn’t in the first place as well, for that matter). He’s seemed slightly more inconvenienced by the gate than Daisy, I don’t think he likes it being there, but it hasn’t stopped him from going in and out whenever he wants, either, so I don’t see why it would be him feeling like he can’t get to his box or protesting the very minimal obstacle.

I don’t know what the heck is wrong with all of them. Or at least the cats; Kelsey’s brain hasn’t been at full power for quite a while and she’s gotten weirder in her older age, so I can’t question her too harshly. But the cats deciding to get in on it is baffling, and we have no idea how to stop them all from this behavior.

To the animal parent community: HOW does one deal with this?! How can they be trained to cut this out? Does anyone have better ideas as to what’s been causing this in each of them and what to do about it, how to help them stop? And can anyone recommend the best method for deep cleaning a Purple mattress to remove pee that’s inevitably sunken down in? I am open to any and all ideas. We’re all at a loss.

TL;DR: All of my pets have started going to the bathroom in random areas of the house and I have no idea what’s going on with them or how to put an end to this.

[binabees]

Is 3:11 in the morning. I’m restless and awake. And I think of this boyfriend I had. If you could call him that. Our relationship was the torturous strung out romance every queer person of color must endure with a maliciously well meaning white boy. There isn’t a name for that other than “pain” other than “I still love you”

In older 3:11s I’d call and he’d answer. He never slept at night his anxious mind roving about his basement room. He’d only sleep falling asleep to my stories. Back when to be an “only” felt like gold and less lonely.

It was this kind of cruel and silly trick id play on my myself. I’d call him so I wouldn’t be alone in the dark. 17 years sharing a room makes you ache for a snoring sister in her absence. And I’d call him. And I’d tell him stories. Half-truths and tall tales. And he would fall asleep. And I’d still be in the dark. Alone. Blue light of my phone screen staring up at me in silence. Alone. I’d listen to him just breathe for far too long. Alone. And I’d say “G’night Tiger”. I’d hang up. And by good night I’d mean “I love you”. By I love you I mean I didnt know what that meant. By I love you I mean I’m not sure what my 3:11s were like before you. I think I could only fall asleep to my own stories too. Stories like “one day being with him wouldn’t feel like being alone”. And by that I mean my circadian rhythm still has not recovered from the time my sunflower mind mistook you for the sun.

… is 3:15

And At 3:15 I wonder who tells you stories now. It doesn’t quite matter I suppose. I don’t care. By I don’t care I mean “I still know your number by heart”. I mean I fall asleep wanting to call you. By wanting to call you I mean “At 3:15 I’m lonely enough to hold you again even if it means you’ll hurt me again”

And by that I mean I blocked your number. And by that I mean I’ll think about you like Roman Empires before I ever see you again. By that I mean this poem isn’t about you.

I mean that.

…it’s 3:29

By that I mean-

I think I mean goodnight Tiger.

-b.a.bennett