#i mean did you think i would do anyone OTHER than paul??

[guardian-angle22]

Tarlos Wedding Celebration Event [Week 13] -> favorite friendship(s)-> (tarlos+paul)

[petew21-blog]

Revenge possession, part 2

"So what is this game called again?" I asked out loud with Devon's voice.

Devon in the back of our mind:"Dead by daylight. You play either as a survivor or the killer. Depending on the role you have to escape or kill all the survivors."

I chuckled a bit:"You don't see how that's ironic?"

Devon was silent. "I'm so sorry, man. Jesus, I didn't think this through. Haha. Well... you should be good in this game right?"

Me:"Not really. I kinda didn't even know I was being hunted. Your parents just picked me up and then tortured me in the woods. I didn't have much of a chance to even run."

Devon:"Oh... I'm so sorry for that, man. My parents are horrible people."

Me:"Yeah. And I know they killed much more people than just me. That's why it needs to stop"

Devon:"So are you sure that killing them would be the best revenge for all these years of their murder spree?"

Me:"What else can I do? It's not like I had much of a choice. Few days ago I didn't even have a body. Now I co-share yours. Yeah, stealing their sons body is good revenge too, but you're a good person. And I don't want to take over your life."

Devon:"Not what I was aiming for. I honestly love having you here with me. You're like a second voice/brother/best friend inside of me. Oh shit. I just figured. I keep calling you bro. What's your real name?"

Me:"Paul. Took you long to ask, man. Not cool"

Devon:"Sorry, haha. So... Paul. You're like 40 now, right?"

Me:"I would be if your parents didn't kill me. But I died when I was 21 like you are now. So my mind basically stayed 21 I suppose. Except for roaming the country I didn't have much fun through all these years. These past few days as you, just chilling here, playing video games, jerking off and talking to you is the most fun I had over these 20 years."

Devon took control over his body to let go of the controler and to flex his biceps. The sweat hitting his nose.

Me:"What are you doing? I thought we were gonna play?"

Devon:"Nah, just reminding you what body you're in"

Devon:"Look at me man. I have beautiful abs, massive arms. These thighs could crush a melon between them. I appreciate that you picked me and that you like my body, but you gotta do something about this. We gotta go have fun. With another living being."

Me:"Devon... I really am happy how you treat me in your body, but... I don't think we have the same type of dating pool"

Devon:"I don't care whoever you fuck. I'm straight, or atleast I think I am, but very accepting. And if my man inside of me wants to fuck some handsome man, I will be more than happy to help you out. Bros gotta help each other"

Me:"But it's gonna be your body, man."

Devon:"So? You could do much worse with my body and you didn't. Getting fucked or fucking someone in the ass is not so bad."

Me:"Ok? So what place do you suggest?"

Devon:"Gym. We can show everyone what this body can do. Lot of people observe me there, so you can pick whoever you desire"

We arrived to the gym. So many hot and sexy people in sight. Devon took control to do his normal routine. It sucks that I could also have a body like this, but back in the day I wanted to see the world. I wanted to be myself in a world that hates my kind. Twenty years later, the world is so much more accepting. It's not ideal, but wow. How things gave changed

I still can't believe that Devon let's me stay in his body. I mean, look at him. He could be anything, have anyone. And yet this hot piece of meat is depressed with his easy life, being alone most of the time. I guess that's what happens when your serial killer parents move your family every now and then. You don't have any friends and those that you did might already be dead by their hand. How horrible... I honestly can't wait to see them. To look them in their face. With their son's face and to kill them. I hope Devon will forgive me. I know he says he wants to stop them, but it's his parents. I just have to make sure that he will not stop me when the time comes

Devon was just finishing up, when a cute twink approached us.

The guy:"Hey, I hope you don't mind that I was watching you"

Devon:"Nah, it's ok man. You need a hand with lifting?"

The guy smiled. "Oh I do need a hand, I just don't know If I asked the right person"

Devon sat down, looking all confused:"That depends if..."

I stopped Devon mid sentence. "I think that's a cue for me to take over, ok?"

Devon now in the back of my mind:"Sorry man, I usually don't respond to guys hitting on me. Go on. Have fun"

I smiled at the guy and casually finished the sentence

We headed to the showers. The owners must be probably sick with all these guys hooking up here. But we didn't care. We made out passionately. The twins was all over my muscles, as I would be in his place too. He was a bit smaller. That gave me a sense of dominating him.

I stopped and smiled at the guy. "I... just gotta let you know that I am a virgin"

Devon:"What!!! Dude, you never had sex with anyone?"

The guy looked at me from top to bottom. "You? If good looking people like you are virgins, then I have no idea how world works."

I chuckled nervously. It was true. I was 21 when I died, but back then it was much harder to date a find gay guy. Now you can just download Grindr and in a few minutes you got yourself a guy in your bedroom

Twink:"Well in that case we can go to your place and have some fun there. This isn't a very nice place to have your first time, don't you think"

I just smiled and nodded in approval

We were now in Devon's messy room. The guy was really shocked to see such a straight man cave, but didn't say a word. We made out. He took off my shirt soaked in sweat from gym. His lips now kissed my neck and went to over my pecs, down the middle to my waist band. He took my hard dick into his hand, squeezed hard and looked me deep into my eyes. His look was so full of lust, yet I could tell it was superficial. This guy isn't looking for romance. He just wants to be fucked hard. So let's give it to him

I took a bit of control of the moment. I grabbed him by the neck. Turned him around and pressed him against the wall. He was now moaning in pleasure as I was rubbing my hard dick hidden beneath the layers of my clothes against his ass. I was still holding him, choking him.

I pulled of my shorts and his just low enough to get my dick in there. I wanted to push it right in there. As hard as I could

Devon suddenly screamed out from the back of his mind:"Condom dude!!!"

I left the guy, moanjng against the wall, reaching out to the condom on the shelf. I was struggling to find which side to pick to put it on my dick

Twink:"Wait. Let me" it was obvious he jas done it a few times. The condor was on in a matters of seconds. "Do you have any lube?"

Devon intervened again:"Top drawer. Give him more attention, man. You're making it all about yourself"

"Shut up" I said out loud as a response to Devon, but the guy looked confused. "Oh sorry, not you. I'm just nervous. I have lube right here."

The guy went on Devon's bed on his back. His clothes were now gone and his ass was welcoming my dick. His legs wide open.

I pressed lightly my dick with a ridiculous ammount of lube on top.

It went smoothly so I tried to went all the way. This seemed to hurt the twins. "Hold your horses. I'm good, but not that good. A bit slower, cowboy."

I went in slowly. The pleasure got to Devon too. The way this guys ass was tight around the head of our dick was sending our minds to heaven.

I picked up the pace. The twink was moaning in pleasure and in pain at the same time. I grabbed him by the next to choke him. My other arm pressing his thigh.

Twink:"Harder!" I thought I was going as hard as possible, but I didn't think he could take it much more

Twink:"Harder!!!"

Devon:"Oh, jesus. Let me do it" Devon took over. I was in the back of our mind again. Still feeling everything.

Devon was like a beast, but the twink was really enjoying it.

I could feel all the cum building up. Ooh there's gonna be tons of cum.

Devon was biting his lower líp and furiously pounding this guy's ass. Sure, "Straight" my ass.

Devon:"I'm cumming!!!"

Twink:"Fill me! I want it all"

Devon shot out the stream of cum into the condom. The wave of pleasure was so overwhelming. So much, that I lost control for a moment. I didn't know what was happening.

I opened my eyes. Still as Devon. Good. But I was back in control. But I was alone here. I couldn't feel Devon

"DEVON?!?"

Twink:"Right here. You pushed my soul out of my body, dude. If the guy here wasn't as welcoming you would have me erased or something"

Me:"I'm so sorry. I didn't think that would happen."

Devon:"It's fine. This guy's soul is asleep or maybe gone? I don't know. But I can't hear him now. Dude! I could feel my body's orgasm and his orgasm at the same time. I can assure you, that this is definitely the best I'll ever feel. So overwhelming."

Me:"Shit, dude. We gotta figure out how to get you put of there. Or you might be stuck"

Devon:"What if we wait for a bit? I kinda wanna try having sex with my body."

Me:"Kinky. You wanna get pounded too?"

Devon:"Guess I'm not so straight anymore, right?"

After our first fucking session, Devon passed out from all the sex. We still didn't know where this guy's soul was, but we would figure that out soon. I was just happy that I was finally alive. And I even have a boyfriend now? If that's what I can call Devon. Not to put labels on our relationship or anything

I grabbed the first pair of shorts from the floor I could find. Still sweaty from the sex, I headed to the kitchen to get myself a drink of water.

I was interrupted by a dark figure in the corner of the room

"Hello, son"

I was full of rage. But I can't fuck it up now. If I kill him, I won't know where his mom is and that would take me another decade to find her.

"Hey, dad. How was your holiday"

"Oh wonderful. Rome is your mother's favourite place to visit"

I tried to act as much as possible. Devon was in his room in a wrong body, so that wouldn't help me.

"Did you go to Colosseum this time?"

"Oh, we sure did." The father responded. But in the matter of seconds his expression changed. He was now holding a gun pointed at me

"What are you doing, dad?!"

"Devon knows we went to Bahamas"

Fuck. So he knew all along that I'm not Devon. But how?

"Me and my wife found out that the folk like you, who want to have your revenge for what we did, come back as ghosts to make our lives a living hell."

"So I'm not the first one?"

"Hahaha. Of course you're not. The first one came when Devon was 2 years old. Of course he doesn't remember, but that was a nasty one. All the paranormal stuff. We didn't know what we were dealing with back then. But now, oh we are used to deal with you. But possessing Devon is a first. Some possessed us and tried to kill us, but obviously failed."

"How can you tell that I'm not him? Besides the question."

"Oh it's an aura thing. Once you have the experience and a good guidance, you can just tell when a soul isn't in their rightful place."

"Now, tell me. Did Devon put up a lot of fight? Your answer will change the course of your torture."

"Devon is ok. He's in the body of the guy downstairs. It was an accident"

"Sure it was. That would make sure that we couldn't kill you or him, right? We're not so stupid, mister. Although I will not enjoy killing my son, there is no other choice."

"If you kill me, I will go after you even more. I have for the past 20 years and I will even after you die. My soul will not rest until you burn in hell"

"Sure you can do that, but it will take you some time to get out of this thing."

He was holding a wooden object with symbols

"What is that thing?"

"That mister, is your prison. It will bind you inside, until it breaks, or someone opens it on purpose. Which happens rarely if you ask me."

"You're doing a big mistake. Devon is in his room in a different body. Let him atleast get his body back."

"I can't take that chance. Me and my wife have a life to live up to and we won't stop just because our son got himself in some trouble and can't handle it."

"It's your son! You would kill him just so you can continue your killing spree?"

"Oh, definitely. Having a child is a great thing, but taking a life. That's something you won't ever forget about. The control it gives you."

"You're sick. No parent would ever do this to their child"

From the hallway a second voice spoke:"Oh these two are a chatty couple, right honey? So chatty chatty. But we need to hurry up, so get on with this" the mother said towards her husband

I could feel a horrible pain in my chest. Feelings very similar to the ones I felt 20 years ago. This couple was killing me again

"Sorry Devon. We couldn't have done anything" father said

"Devon hates you too!" I screamed out

"You're talking too much" and then nothing.

I don't know for how long this continued. I don't even know what they did with Devon's beautiful body. How they got rid of it.

Soon I started to feel walls around me. Walls? As a ghost I wouldn't be able to. Except if this is their prison that they were talking about.

I opened my eyes. There was only darkness. Nothing else. I looked around and on the other side of my prison was someone sitting, crying.

I got up to approach this person. He looked up

It was Devon. He was crying

"Paul! They killed me. My own mother slit my throat. I told her it's me. But she just killed me and trapped me into thus thing."

"I'm so so sorry, Devon. I never wanted any of this. I wanted revenge for them. But they were ready. They knew. Your father didn't listen to me too. He didn't care. I told him about your soul. But they are more sadistic then I thought"

"Paul, I'm dead. My parents killed me. My OWN PARENTS!"

"Devon, they are horrible people. And we will get our lives back. Maybe not our old lives, but we will. But first we have to get out of here. We're gonna get through this together. Ok?"

Devon collapsed into my arms. I was just glad that I could hold someone even if I was a ghost now. We were gonna get out of here, but I had no idea how

Outside of the ghost trap, the world went by.

Devon's father held the trap tightly as he watched his old house burn. His wife held her head on his shoulder.

"Ahhh, I think I might miss Devon. He gave our life some order"

"He limited us. We couldn't ve ourselves all the time. Now we can. What do you say we go pick up some hitchhiker?"

"Ohhhh, that's a lovely idea. Get rid of that box, it gives me the creeps"

And as the two of them were laughing while leaving, the box was sinking deeply into the river below the bridge until some human would find it.

If Paul and Devon would know what was happening to then right now, they would be devastated.

[dyns33]

His Dark Sun

Time for me to post a bit more about Feyd Rautha.

"I dreamed of you."

First strange sentence from her betrothed when they met. Not really what Y/N expected from a Harkonnen, but not from anyone either. There were probably few people in the universe who would have dreamed of marrying her.

Children born under a dark sun were not highly regarded in most cultures. Bad omen, the certainty of something bad coming.

Absurd, according to the Bene Gesserit, who had often repeated that this had no impact on genetic heritage.

This kind of belief could serve them, like disrupting their plans.

This was almost the case following Y/N’s birth. Her parents, from one of the last great families of the empire, were afraid of her. They even wondered if it would not be wiser to kill her immediately, or if that would not risk bringing even more misfortune to them.

But they were also afraid of the witches, who ordered that they not touch the girl. She could be very useful in the future.

This was certain when Lady Jessica gave a son to Duke Leto Atreides. It was planned that she would only give him daughters, one of whom would marry one of the Harkonnen descendants, to ensure peace between the two families, but also for more confused projects.

Since it was not possible to marry young Paul to the Baron's heir, a new wife had to be found, because the lineage had to be assured.

The people of Giedi Prime worshiped their beloved Black Sun, so they were not the type to think that those born under an one were a problem. All their children were like this.

Under other circumstances, parents might have been reluctant to marry their daughter to a Harkonnen. They didn't really have a good reputation.

But at the same time, they remained an important family, one of the richest and most powerful in existence. In addition to forming an interesting alliance, they also allowed their clan to get rid of Y/N.

They could do whatever they wanted with her, even kill her, it would no longer be their problem the moment she left their planet.

As the eldest, it would have made sense for her to be given to Glossus Rabban, the Beast. But Baron Vladimir had favored his younger brother as his heir, and so she came to this dark city praying that Feyd Rautha Harkonnen was not as terrible as the rumors said.

He was more handsome than she expected. Anyway, as handsome as a Harkonnen could be, with no hair, eyebrows or eyelashes, his skin pale and his eyes icy.

Calm, polite, he advanced towards her before his uncle or brother could speak, making it clear that he wanted no one between him and his future wife.

"I've dreamed of you. Many times, since I was young." He said, kissing her hand to welcome her, his voice trailing slightly. “I suspected a witch.”

"I did not follow the teachings of the Bene Gesserit."

"I know."

The Harkonnens did not like witches. They had little esteem for their order and only respected them out of political concern, seeking every means to circumvent their authority.

It had been a surprise to everyone that the Na Barron would agree to a marriage they had orchestrated.

But Feyd Rautha was a man of honor, intelligent, ready for anything. On top of that, he had been intrigued by this story of black sun. He had inquired, he had seen a portrait of Y/N, and then declared that she was his.

Y/N had never dreamed of the Na Baron, and his attitude seemed strange, frightening.

She didn't believe in destiny. This was just another legend used by the Bene Gesserit for their own gain, nothing more.

But the Na Baron looked at her with amazed eyes, convinced that she was special.

It was very proud that he killed several prisoners in her honor in the arena, tearing out the heart of the strongest to offer it to her with fervor in front of the cheering crowd, delighted by the spectacle and the discovery of their Na Baroness.

Secretly, she thought that he could kill her like this the day he understood that there was nothing special about her, despite everything he might believe.

Y/N tried to make him understand it on their wedding night, afraid of what he was going to want to do while being convinced that she could accept anything from him.

"I am not as strong as my noble husband. I know that you have… You have particular tastes. If your expectations of me were too high…"

“Everything will be perfect.”

"Husband…"

"Say my name. Without shaking. My wife doesn't have to be afraid of me."

"… Feyd."

He didn't know how to be gentle, that was obvious, but for her Feyd Rautha did his best. At every nervous reaction from Y/N, he stopped for a moment to contemplate her, checking if she was just anxious because she was ignorant, or if she really didn't like what he was doing.

All her life, she had been mistreated, by her family, by other nobles, by her people. They were too afraid of the curse to touch her, but she had suffered greatly.

She never would have thought that the first person to treat her with tenderness would be a Harkonnen.

“No more tears for my Na Baroness.” whispered her husband, kissing her.

He didn't talk about it, but Y/N guessed that they had a past with similarities. It was common knowledge that young Feyd had been taken by his uncle to be raised on Giedi Prime, rather than staying with their parents.

In gratitude for this sacrifice, Glossus had killed their father, and his brother had killed their mother.

The slanderers claimed that they had acted on the Baron's orders, or with the aim of securing his favors.

But Y/N knew. She knew this bloody, dark desire that she had suppressed for a long time while standing next to her sleeping parents' bed. It would have been easy to slit their throats and be freed.

Feyd remained a prisoner, and not being able to kill his jailer, he attacked those who had allowed him to put him in a cage. Revenge, pure and simple.

Everyone had heard of the Baron's love for children. Why wouldn't he have loved his own nephew ?

He didn’t talk about it and Y/N didn’t force him to talk about it. Before each meeting with his uncle, he took her hand as if to give himself courage, and afterwards he avoided her for hours, days, because he did not wish to soil her.

Either he took out his rage in the training room and the arena, or he went to see his concubines.

He would have killed them all if Y/N had asked him to, just as he would have killed everything that had made her suffer.

But she saw that he cared about these creatures, obedient, without judgment, whom he could torture as he pleased knowing that that was all they were waiting for. There were things he couldn't do with his wife. He didn't want it, and neither did she.

So the Na Baron could continue to have his fun, while making sure his wife was happy.

The only time Y/N dreamed of Feyd, he was on a yellow planet. Sand everywhere, the sun beating down, and blood. A lot of blood. Bad omen.

Y/N could have said nothing. It was just a dream after all, nothing more, as all of Feyd's dreams meant nothing either, but he had been good to her, and she felt she had to talk to him.

He looked at her for a long time in silence, before nodding.

"Witches say there isn't just one path. Only possibilities. I saw us, ruling Giedi Prime, side by side, with our children. Your smile being the only thing that gave color at this place."

"… You think I saw your death."

"On Arrakis. My uncle just gave it to me. Rabban has failed, I must restore order there."

"It was very blurry. Feyd, I…"

"I will be careful, my Na Baroness. My sun. Now that I know of this possibility, I will be careful."

If she hadn't told him, no doubt he would have died with the Baron and his brother. Y/N could have said nothing, and she would have been freed from the Harkonnens, sent home where her family only wanted her dead, deciding to become the Baroness, or running away, far away.

But she had made a choice, and her husband was very honored by it. If she wanted him to live, then he would live, even if it meant some sacrifice.

He hadn't seen himself as emperor in his dreams, although he wouldn't have minded.

When a champion was asked to face Paul Atreides, Muad Dib, it was terribly tempting.

But he thought of Y/N, he thought of the dreams, and he bowed, knowing what awaited him if he accepted the fight.

In response to the emperor calling him a coward, he sneered that the old man should only take a sword and fend for himself.

Just before his uncle's death, Feyd had several tons of spices evacuated, to ensure a significant stock, while sending a message to the other great houses concerning the Imperium's betrayal of the Atreides.

Muab Dib had looked at him as if he were crazy, then something had changed in his face, a revelation, and all traces of judgment disappeared.

"… You dreamed too." he whispered, his face turning slightly towards a young Fremen girl, but his eyes not leaving Feyd, before quoting him. “Your pet.”

"My wife." the now Baron corrected him with a growl, refusing to let the Atreides compare Y/N to this savage he was going to betray to marry the Emperor's daughter. “My Baroness, who is waiting for me.”

"For her sake, I will let you go."

“Wise decision, because if you try to hold me back, I will cut your throat.”

And if they both knew the outcome of a fight for power, it was not certain that Feyd would not be capable of killing the young Duke with the motivation of finding the woman of his dreams again.

Both clever, none of them took the risk.

[ghastlyfilters]

Hi! Saw you were taking Lost Boys requests...

I have a lot of silly concepts or ideas but my favorite is poly!Lost boys with a partner (I usually prefer fem reader but whatever ur comfy with is all good) who loves stealing some of their older clothes. Like, reader is smaller than them so the clothes are really comfy. Especially the older stuff cus decade+ old fabric is so soft.

reader stealing the lost boys’ clothes!!

pairing(s): implied poly!lost boys x fem!reader

warning(s): aside from paul and marko definitely paying attention to your curves, none!!

(now if i was the reader here i know damn WELL i would be stealing their clothes too. each one of their styles is literally perfection and to see that shit on vampires? HELLO? also i may have gotten a bit too carried away with thinking about all their clothing designs.. but thanks for this cute request<3)

gifs not mine! (if you know the original owner please tag them!)

HEADCANONS

• Stealing your boys’ clothes is by far the EASIEST thing anyone could do. The reason being? They quite literally never change out of the fits they’ve had on since 1987.

• The boys don’t have much of a scent, seeing as they’re all undead. So a washing machine doesn’t exist in their little world anymore. Which means they will now forever be outfit repeaters.

More fun for you. 

• All of the boys have the most random shit scattered around the cave. They’re the worst hoarders you have ever encountered. Cough cough.. Paul.. cough cough..

• But the amount of clothes they have laying around is shocking. Boots, band tees, jackets, jeans, leather trousers, gloves, shirts, man you name it. They have it. Every fucking decade.

• The band tees are by far your favourite thing to run around with. Paul has a shit ton of Môtley Crüe tees, and Dwayne has so many shirts with The Doors on them. (Jim’s face is literally everywhere in the cave now. They sure as hell ain’t Christians, so if they’re selling their souls to anyone it’s the horned god below or their icon Jim Morrison.)

• They did let you away with wearing their old band tees until Marko told the boys about EBay.

When Paul found out a vintage Mötley Crüe tour shirt was going for over a grand, the mf was ecstatic..

So much so, he decided to put his own vintage Mötley tees up for bidding.

“Two thousand… three thousand.. FOUR THOUSAND… FIVE THOUSAND FUCKING DOLLARS!!!”

Poor Paul’s bubble was burst however when David told him there was absolutely nothing they could do with the money aside from unlimited Chinese food for the next few months.

• David’s old clothes are much different from what the others have. He was the first to be turned, therefore he’s lived throughout the most eras.

• He’s got a LOT of leather jackets and trenchcoats. Paul and Marko always joke about him being Jack the Ripper, but you see a different side to his style. There’s been many nights you actually sat down with him and asked where he’d gotten the majority of his old items. Some were by Spanish designers that had been gifts from Max whenever he’d provided David with different clothing, others were from when David had fed off multiple store owners and casually picked out what he fancied afterwards.

• It saddens you that he doesn’t wear any of these anymore. The only reminder he ever gets of them is when you put on the soft wool Trenchcoats that go right down to your ankles, almost looking like a cape. Marko makes mini conspiracy theories that maybe you’re the real Dracula.

• Dwayne’s load of clothes is FILLED with leopard print designs. He’s been a 70s boy even all these years later, and he misses that era so dearly.

• There’s this one satin leopard print shirt that actually fits you quite well in his eyes. It’s still a little baggy.. yet oddly attractive to him. You’ve claimed it as your own now, wearing it like a pj set.

• Aside from the satin shirt, literally nothing else Dwayne has fits you. He’s a muscular guy.. and a vampire. So trying to get his baggy ass clothes to even have a slight loose fit is not for the weak 😭

• Marko however, this is where the real fun begins. You can borrow anything from Marko.. ANYTHING.. and it’s guaranteed to fit.

• He was a big crop top collector. When he used to find a good shirt that wasn’t cropped however, he’d cut it up and make it into a crop top himself. And these are what he adores you wearing. They cling nicely to your curved body, and whenever you wear them you can never get both Paul and Marko to stop staring at your breasts. Assholes.

• Marko’s clothes are by far your favourite pieces out all the boys. Much like the crop tops, he really enjoyed designing all his other outfits when he wore them. And he was pretty damn good at it too. Marko can be a crafty little thing when he wants to be. He’ll even help you design your own outfits too! He’ll cut, sew, stitch, glue, draw, paint, anything you want Marko to design, he’s down. He took so much pride in his unique outfits back in the day. And if you want yours spiced up, Marko’s your man.

• You wear his old belts a lot. One time, you were rummaging through the boys’ old stuff again, and immediately fell in love with this black latex belt Marko had. He’d drawn on perfectly shaped skulls with a white acrylic pen, and added different studs around the buckle. Ever since that day, Marko pretty much customises everything you own now.

FIRST TIME WRITING FOR THE LOST BOYS!! hope you all enjoyed these headcanons and my requests are open for any lost boys related ideas you may have!! <33

[no-144444]

Hello!!! First of all, I love your writings♡ Second of all, May I please request a fanfic of Paul Aron with reader who's like bestfriends with his sister and reader is like unsure of how to feel about Paul's crush on her cause yk hes got a bit of playboy vibes to him, but Paul's actually in love with her and can it lead to eventual smut?

I'll give you my first born for this fic 🙏💗

playboy- p.aron

summary: you've been weary about paul and his advances, a confrontation changes everything.

pairing: paul aron x reader

a/n: no need to give me your first born :)

୨ৎ⋅୨ৎ⋅୨ৎ⋅୨ৎ⋅୨ৎ⋅୨ৎ⋅୨ৎ⋅

“Looking good, Y/n,” Paul winked at you. He was one smug bastard. 

You rolled your eyes, not giving him the time of day (for once), and his smirk dropped. 

“Getting sick of me?” he mused. 

“I’ve been sick of you for a while Paul, you just didn’t care before,” you scoffed. You weren’t sick of Paul, you never would be. You’d been… weary of his advances for years. Paul had more than a reputation. He was known for hooking up with girls and discarding them, the typical playboy you had avoided your whole life. You were getting a bit annoyed with the fact that he was still trying to get with you, even though you were his little sisters’ best friend, someone who wouldn’t leave his life if you two broke up. The worst part? You’d overheard him speaking with one of his friends. He was talking about what he wanted with you. 

“She’s so hot, you don’t understand. I’d do anything to get with her.”

And what else were you supposed to think? There’s no way he actually liked you for you, just for your body. 

He frowned. This wasn’t you. He was used to playful banter and flirty smiles. He was used to ending up with either a headache or heartache from being around you all night (usually heartache when he saw you going off with some other guy). He liked it that way. He liked that he had your attention, even when you didn’t want to give it to him. He liked that he annoyed you. A negative emotion is emotion all the same, and it meant you cared. He cared a lot. He wanted you, more than anyone, he wanted you. 

He grabbed your arm, holding you back from walking on with the group. “What’s up with you?” 

You pushed him off, trying to walk on, but he got a grip on your waist this time, and he was holding on tight. “What do you mean?” you asked. 

“You won’t talk to me, you barely look at me, and you’ve been in a mood all night,” he listed. “What’s wrong?”

“You should stop flirting with me,” you told him. “Some people aren’t into being used for sex and then discarded. Go find your casual hook-up with someone else-”

“Stop, what do you mean?” he questioned. 

“I heard you talking with Ollie. A-about me.”

His face drained of colour. “So then… you heard.”

“Yeah,” you scoffed. 

“And you don’t feel the same?”

You stared at him for a moment. “What do you mean?”

He stared back, equally confused. “What? You heard me saying what I said, yes?”

“I didn’t hear everything-” you admitted. He slapped a hand over his face. 

“Y/n I was telling them I was in love with you, that’s what I was doing!” he stressed. “And if you don’t feel the same that’s alright, I just-”

You stopped him, actually clapping a hand over his mouth. 

“Ouch,” he said, muffled. You ripped your hands off of him, apologies falling from your lips, he chuckled and took your hands, putting them by your sides, and wrapping his hands around your waist. “I’m fine,” he told you. “I-”

“I li-love-like you too!” you blurted out. He chuckled and gently pressed his lips to yours. It felt… right. He was soft and gentle, but there was no doubt in your mind that he wanted you. You pulled back. “This is a relationship, right?”

He nodded. 

“So no more flirting with random girls we meet, yeah?”

He pressed a kiss to your cheek. “I only did that to get your attention.”

You rolled your eyes. “Such an idiot.” “Your idiot,” he smirked.

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navigation for my blog :) (masterlist)

[ellie-r2]

Book Curtis Brothers hcs

because I won't leave you guys hanging just because it got second place

Darry:

-He'll do anything for his brothers even if he hates the thing. (first scene in the book when Pony says he could've just called Darry to watch the movie even though Darry hates them)

-He tries really hard to be gentle when physically comforting people but he's always too rough without meaning to be.

-Genuinely believed Ponyboy hated him for a good while and it would actually keep him up at night at times which added to his stress levels.

-Always makes sure the house is stocked up with first aid supplies for the boys.

-He asks Soda to talk to Pony for him to make sure Pony knows he loves him because he thinks if he were to do it he'd just say the wrong thing and it would go bad.

-The five days Pony was gone were the worst of Darry's life even more so than the death of his parents because to him at least then he got the news the same day but for Ponyboy he had nothing letting him know if he truly was okay.

-Says he would've been okay if Ponyboy never spoke to him again after the slap because he would've deserved it but in reality he wouldn't know how to live with it.

-Hated when people would confuse him for being his dad's brother instead of son because he hated that people thought he looked older when he's only 20. (which doesn't get better now that he's taking care of his brothers)

-Technically this is canon but adding it anyway he is insecure about the fact he didn't get to go to college because he did want a chance to leave tulsa and pursue a career in football.

-Stays by Pony's door until he falls asleep whenever he wakes up screaming from a nightmare to ease his nerves.

-Only irons Soda's shirts because he knows even if Soda has time he won't do it himself.

-When Ponyboy was in denial of Johnny's death he and Soda made sure no one ever mentioned anything about Johnny around Pony.

-He asked Tim to have Curly tell Ponyboy stories about reformatory to scare him from being sent there.

-Used to consider wanting to reconcile with Paul so he'd still have other friends outside the gang. After the rumble happened he stopped thinking about it.

-Apart from his brothers the person he's closest to in the gang is Two-Bit since they're closest in age and he's the only one he truly trusts to leave alone with Pony.

Soda:

-Used to hate being the only blond one of his brothers until his parents died because he liked having his mom's hair color.

-Ever since basically moving into Pony's room because of the nightmares he now uses his old room as a storage space or offers it to the gang if they want to sleep on a bed instead of the couch.

-Will defend his brothers to the ends of the earth over literally anyone no matter who it is (I mean according to Pony the only time he was ever mad at Steve was when he said something about Darry).

-Took everything in him not to tell Darry that he suspected that Dally knew where Pony and Johnny were and almost slipped by wanting to ask him to proofread the letter.

-Slept in his room the days Pony was gone because it didn't feel right to him to sleep in there without Pony but he still didn't sleep well anyway.

-Plays football with Darry even if he's not the best at it just so Darry can still play his favorite sport.

-Contrary to popular belief while he is named the the crier of the brothers it is actually Ponyboy but he lets himself be called that because he knows Pony doesn't like being seen as "weak".

-Even though Sandy cheated on him and everything he couldn't find it in himself to hate her not even a little bit.

-Despite what Pony may think about comparing Soda and Steve to Bob and Randy, Soda would actually be the one to fight even harder and be angry if Steve were the one to die while Steve would be the one to not fight.

-Will gives massages to Darry when Darry works long nights at work because while his brother won't admit it, he doesn't take care of himself as much as he should.

-Misses the days when Darry was just his brother and not guardian because while he gets let off more than Pony the change in relationship between himself and Darry is still noticeable to him.

-Will cling to anything or anyone that is near him when sleeping.

Ponyboy:

-Is quite literally the little brother of the gang even though he thinks it's Johnny. (Everyone including Steve will drop everything for him).

-(pre book but after their parents died) Desperately craved attention/affection from Darry but didn't know how to ask for it.

-He has drawn every member of the gang + Curly but hasn't shown them any of the drawings. His favorite to draw was Dally.

-For the purly/papercut fans (me). Pony is the only one who can keep Curly from getting into too much trouble. (Like we know from Tim that Curly has talked about Pony and even calls him a good kid.)

-After Johnny and Dally's deaths he hangs up his drawings of them in his room. He also keeps Dally's jacket in his room even if he never wears it.

-Tried to finish reading Gone with the Wind after Johnny died but couldn't.

-Has nightmares of him being the one who was stuck under the beam instead of Johnny and being the one who died and wakes up terrified because he truly thinks it would have been better if it was him.

-Makes Darry go into the room with him at doctor's appointments and looks at Darry whenever they ask him a question. He'll also clutch Darry or Soda's arm because he hates being there.

-Quit smoking or is in the process of trying to quit post book because of guilt of potentially starting the fire and because it's not good for him being on the track team and all.

For all 3:

-Darry and Soda go to ALL of Pony's track events.

-Post book they all try to have one day of the week where they all do something together for the other. For Darry, Pony and Soda play football with him. For Pony, they go watch a movie together. For Soda, Darry lets him take them out racing but sits in the back with Pony to keep him safe if anything.

-When they were younger Darry would give shit to anyone who would say anything about his younger brothers having weird names. While Pony and Soda would give Darry shit saying he's the one with a weird name. "seriously DARREL"

-They all sleep in Darry's room together the night before if they know the social worker is coming in fear of separated.

[eightdoctor]

my eda recs :) for anyone interested in getting into this series

i am prefacing this post with the note that i am an avid completionist and generally dislike telling people to skip certain books unless it's a john peel novel or placebo effect. however i understand telling people to read 74 novels is not at all accessible and i need you all to read. these books. please. please

this post is going to be long as shit i know it so i'm putting it ↓ here. books that can be skipped because theyre a bit shit will be colored red, ones that you Can Skip but are good/have some important character or plot bits in will be orange, and ones that are sooo good and necessary and the best books ever will be green. unfortunately i think a lot of the ones colored orange should be colored green but i know restraint. i can stay my hand. kind of

also i should say that i primarily read these for the characters - the plots themselves come second. so lots of my opinions come from the standpoint of which books have good characterizations. basically some of the ones that i color green would probably be skippable if any normal person were reading them but i'm insane!! and this is my list so fuck you!!!

The Eight Doctors by Terrance Dicks: ah my color trichotomy has bitten me in the ass on the first book. because truth be told i still haven't finished this one (nor have i really felt the need to yet), yet it introduces the first companion in the series, sam jones, and contains some other entertaining parts like the doctor getting caught with cocaine. as far as introductory books go it's meh

Vampire Science by Kate Orman and Jonathan Blum: this book. i truly can't sing my praises any louder than i already have. orman & blum took the character of the eighth doctor as portrayed by paul mcgann in a few measly minutes of screen time into a fully fleshed out, compelling and complex character. if you're a fan of the eighth doctor but aren't interested in reading all of the EDAs you have to read this one at the Very Least. it begins, as all good stories do, in a gay bar. it features vampire squirrels, the doctor with kittens, and the doctor infodumping on the beauty of science in a speech? conversation? that still touches me to this day, four years after i first read it.

The Bodysnatchers by Mark Morris: this book is Gross, and i mean that positively. mark morris held nothing back when describing how disgusting and putrid london was in the 1800s (he's primarily a horror writer, and that comes through rather clearly in this book). i genuinely enjoyed this novel a lot, but i know it's not for everyone because again, it's quite gory and disgusting

Genocide by Paul Leonard: don't you just want to see the doctor in a sun hat? being tortured for weeks on end? don't you want to examine his morality in termsof what species he thinks needs to be saved or doomed? jo grant is there

War of the Daleks by John Peel: fuck john peel all my homies hate john peel. for some reason all his books in this range contain daleks and it’s like…why. get some creativity. everyone else did. bitch

Alien Bodies by Lawrence Miles: this novel is So Good. it introduces faction paradox, the war in heaven plotline, humanoid tardises, and a couple of the most interesting & fun side characters in the whole range (homunculette and marieeee <3 cousin justineeee… aaaaaaahh). I shan’t spoil the entire conceit of the story but just know it’s. insane and fucked up and so so funny

Kursaal by Peter Anghelides: this is just a solid doctor who story, really. i wouldn’t call it imperative to the overarching plot of the novels (as tenuous as it is early on), but it’s an enjoyable enough read. it’s about an ancient race of alien werewolves underneath a theme park. what more can i say

Option Lock by Justin Richards: i recall enjoying the doctor and sam’s characterization in this one, and the story is like doctor strangelove meets, well, doctor who. it’s skippable, but i had fun reading it, and that’s really all you can ask for

Longest Day by Michael Collier: this is the start of the arc where sam gets separated from the doctor. actually the most tense and stressed i’ve been reading the edas was reading this and the next three books. it’s so dire, but it’s so so good, with incredible character moments from sam and the doctor. plus you have anstaar, nashaad with his metal legs, and some really fucked up body horror involving Time messing with people’s existences and driving ppl mad and stuff. people tend to either love this one or hate it from what i’ve seen, and i’m solidly in the former category. would definitely recommend 

Legacy of the Daleks by John Peel: ughhhhhhhh… ughhhhjhhhhhh i guess you have to read this one. i guess you have to. it’s definitely an improvement on his last book but still. daleks again john? really? whateverrrrr.. some important stuff happens to susan is in this one though. and the master as well. so if you care about either of those characters you should read this i suppose

Dreamstone Moon by Paul Leonard: a general rule of the edas is paul leonard always writes excellent books (in my opinion, anyway), and this is not the exception. sam and the doctor are still separated, but they’re in the same place and keep missing each other and its like UGGHHHH!!! UGHHH!!! but you have interesting commentary on capitalism’s exploitation and effective revolutionary action and all that stuff. also aloisse is an incredible character and i love her

Seeing I by Kate Orman and Jonathan Blum: HOLY SHIT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! FUCK!!!!!!!!!!!!! GOOD LIRD!!!!!!!!!!! kate and jon do it again, those crazy bastards. you know how every author loves torturing the shit out of eight? these guys take that and run with it in the opposite direction, asking the question what if the worst thing the doctor could go through isn’t agonizing torture, but rather just a lack of enrichment in his enclosure? what if he had to stay locked up in one building for three years and couldn’t escape for the life of him? meanwhile sam, now a refugee with no social support (as she technically shouldn’t exist in this time and location), has to deal with homelessness, and has to decide whether it’s better to have a stable, yet soulless corporate job - or do something that’s meaningful and benefits society. she’s at her best in this book for sure

Placebo Effect by Gary Russell: throws up. don’t read this because it is actually rhe worst book in the whole range and i’m not joking. sorry gary you’re a nice guy but i thought the arguments against evolution that went on for like 3 pages were extremely egregious and also plain wrong. you may look at this book and think “oh cool! Stacy and ssard from the comics are in this one!” well they’re there for like a paragraph and don’t do shit. so

Vanderdeken's Children by Christopher Bulis: really fun novel that’s pretty much the epitome of the classic doctor who question “wouldn’t that be really fucked up and crazy?” it also established the fact that the doctor told sam his real name which is really fun and awesome

The Scarlet Empress by Paul Magrs: much like paul leonard, paul magrs Never disappoints. this book is just so fucking fun. in essence, it’s a road trip story. they drive across a planet listening to abba and visiting lots of kooky places and picking up lots of wacky characters. it also deconstructs gender and self-identity and what it means to be an individual. a cyborg and a giant spider get lesbian married. aewsome 👍

The Janus Conjunction by Trevor Baxendale: i really debated on making this one skippable, i did. because while it doesn’t continue any of the established plots or themes or whatever, it does show the doctor breaking the laws of time to save his companion’s life, and that’s really cool we love that. there’s a lot of fun body horror too if you go for that sort of thing. and more giant spiders but these ones are different 

Beltempest by Jim Mortimore: ok honestly? i didn’t vibe with this one. i know some people really liked it but i felt as if the characterization was Off. some wacky wild stuff happens to sam though

The Face-Eater by Simon Messingham: <-doesn’t remember much of this one cuz i was high while reading it. i think it was a solid story though? 

The Taint by Michael Collier: yayyyyyyyy fitz is hereeeee my babyboy… lots of people don’t vibe with this one but i do. because i love fitz and everything he’s in and him and the doctor are such bastards to each other in the beginning it’s great. their repartee is genuinely so entertaining and really elevates the book for me, even if the plot itself is a bit mediocre. either way even if you don’t like it you have to read it because it introduces fitz. so there

Demontage by Justin Richards: telling you to skip this one would be a disservice. because technically it Is skippable, but it has some absolutely hilarious moments that really drive home the fact that fitz is Cringe. they’re on a space casino called vega in the far future and fitz dresses in a (from everyone else's perspective) old-fashioned tuxedo. he smokes indoors and everyone gives him nasty looks because he’s in the future and no one smokes inside. he asks for his cocktails shaken not stirred and the bartender fucking hates him. and he also accidentally gets involved in an assassination plot. but i suppose if you must skip it then go ahead… 

Revolution Man by Paul Leonard: mr leonard does it again. this is an excellent novel for both companions that begins with sam and the doctor engaging in leftist discourse with an anarchist and ends with the world almost ending. it happens.

Dominion by Nick Walters: you have to read this one just for the doctor’s first gay kiss. sorry i don’t make the rules. also it  just features a neat concept imo and has a great moment where the doctor punches a pillow in frustration and then sadly apologizes to it

Unnatural History by Kate Orman and Jonathan Blum: this book is one that i think every doctor who fan who’s ever gotten mad about canon not making sense should be forced at gunpoint to read. it’s a novel that’s essentially one big metacommentary on doctor who canon & why it Doesn’t Matter At All, Actually; the doctor was birthed and he was loomed and both are equally true and untrue. also features the iconic paragraph calling the doctor a (verbatim) “backrub slut”, as well as wrapping up the ongoing arc with sam jones hinted at in alien bodies and a few other books in a way that’ll have you side eyeing moffat very suspiciously

Autumn Mist by David A. McIntee: this one’s pretty good and has a couple great moments (fitz calling himself james bond, for one), but is, i think, ultimately skippable unless youre a world war 2 buff

Interference Books 1 & 2 by Lawrence Miles: nothing i can say will adequately put into words what these two novels made me feel, you hear me? absolutely nothing. good fucking god. jesus christ. holy fuck.. if i sat here listsing all the important and iconic moments in these books we’d be here all shitting day and this post is already obscenely long. read these 2 books. then read them again. 

The Blue Angel by Paul Magrs: ok i know i just said this but HOOOOOO..WHOA NELLY! the blue angel is easily in my top 5 edas. it literally heavily features a canon domestic au wherein the doctor is a “middle-aged gay man”. fitz says he wants to get laid by the doctor. the doctor’s mother is a mermaid. there’s off-brand spirk. someone turns into a giant squid. literally this book is so good they wrote a screenplay adaptation of it and a spinoff short story that you should also read

The Taking of Planet 5 by Simon Bucher-Jones and Mark Clapham: you’re going to be hearing this a lot from me but we Are entering the part of the series where it really takes off and gets sooo fucking good. anyway this novel is sooo fucking good and quite important to the plot and establishes stuff about the war in heaven and gallifrey so. read it. also there's ELDRITCH BEASTS!

Frontier Worlds by Peter Anghelides: i can’t tell you to skip this one because it’s so good. fitz goes by the alias frank sinatra & also talks like him for a solid portion of the book. we get excellent compassion moments. great doctor moments (including that Hot and Sexy dream he has about the tardis!) and all in all it’s a wonderful story

Parallel 59 by Stephen Cole and Natalie Dallaire: lots of stuff happens in this one, especially to fitz. by that i mean it gets referenced quite a bit later so i would recommend if you want to catch all the references. also a woman worked on this one so you already know eight is going to be written phenomenally and very sensually. 

The Shadows of Avalon by Paul Cornell: rather important development happens to compassion in this book (understatement). but it’s also a really good story in general with lots of memorable bits - paul cornell wrote one EDA and did a great job and then vanished from the range. it also has the BRIGADIER and his ROMANCE with MAB the BIG BOSOMED CELTIC QUEEN so like.. read it?? 

The Fall of Yquatine by Nick Walters: a pretty important thing happens to compassion in this one too (another understatement). also withnail & i references galore, fitz has a bad time (has he had a Good time for the past few books? questionable!), and the doctor spends time with a gay baker/contraband parts dealer

Coldheart by Trevor Baxendale: you could skip this one but why would you even want to? it’s literally one of compassion’s best stories and has plenty of excellent doctor and companion moments. it’s just fun and engaging and an outstanding doctor who story. and, as always, fitz is effortlessly cringe as ever <3

The Space Age by Steve Lyons: this one’s just boring and kinda stupid. nothing big or important happens and you can tell steve lyons didn’t care for writing compassion at all. skip it

The Banquo Legacy by Andy Lane and Justin Richards: Big Plot Developments in this one - mostly in the beginning and end. also the only (?) mention of irving braxiatel in the whole run! it’s written from the POV of two Normal people not on the tardis so it’s interesting to see how they perceive the doctor and fitz, and how this contradicts the way they define themselves in other books where we’re privy to their internal monologue 

The Ancestor Cell by Peter Anghelides and Stephen Cole: AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAGHHHHHHHHHH AAAAGHHHH AAAAAAAAAAAAAAUAAUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU HFHOA8U8OIA AOUIY4P98 YT39 7UGHYIB3!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! FUCKKKKKK!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! this one drives me insane and there are parts of it i reread nearly every day. because i’m CRAZY. it’s a controversial novel in the doctor who fandom because of how it handles gallifrey and faction paradox lore but WHO FUCKING CARES? FATHER KREINER IS BACK BABY

The Burning by Justin Richards: this is the start of the Earth Arc, so it’s the first portrayal of the doctor stuck on earth without any of his memories. it’s a bit slow at the beginning, and as a normal doctor who story i would consider it subpar, but the characterization of the doctor really carries it i think. you see how losing his memory impacted his restraint with things such as hypnosis and Other Stuff I Shan’t Spoil

Casualties of War by Steve Emmerson: this has the first appearance of the Note, so it’s especially important for that reason. but it’s also just a neat story that has way more elements of a fantasy than a sci fi and again, seeing how the doctor acts now, stuck on earth without his memories, and juxtaposing that with how he acted before, super fun and neat

The Turing Test by Paul Leonard: if i could graft this book onto my DNA i would. i already KNEW the circumstances surrounding alan turing’s death and yet i still cried about it while reading this!! paul leonard’s portrayal of turing as both a gay and autistic man (though the latter is never explicitly stated) is INCREDIBLE and i really can’t recommend it enough just based on that. but the story itself is amazing and really delves into the doctor’s Differences and his desperation to leave earth after being stuck there for decades. 

Endgame by Terrance Dicks: people really like this one and i guess i had fun with it but i just can’t really get into terrence dicks’ writing style. that being said it features the doctor listless and just so sad and depressed so you kind of have to read it. if that’s not reason enough there’s a fat gay alcoholic spy who absolutely rocks

Father Time by Lance Parkin: i hate that this is green. i hate it. i hate this fucking book. i hate lance parkin also. but this is where miranda (the doctor’s adopted daughter) is introduced so alas, you must read it and imagine a version of this book thats infinitely better in your head. sorry! 

Escape Velocity by Colin Brake: this one’s mid but it’s the end of the earth arc and fitz and the doctor reunite and ANJI KAPOOR IS HERE!!!!!!!! FINALLY!!!!!!! so if you read this and get a lil bored just know it’s about to get so fucking good you guys

EarthWorld by Jacqueline Rayner: genuinely can’t say enough good things about this one. it’s funny. it’s angsty. it’s all in all just a really fun book. and it’s the shortest one i think so like you have no excuse to not read it

Fear Itself by Nick Wallace: this is technically a PDA because it was written after nine was announced, thereby making 8 technically a “past doctor”, but who give a shit. read this one are yoyu kidding me. read it read it read it read it READ IT. there’s a twist in it that rendered me absolutely catatonic for about a week 

Vanishing Point by Stephen Cole: don’t skip this one even though it’s orange. are you listening to me? don’t fucking skip it ok!!! steve cole is the #1 fitz/eight shipper and this really shines through here. also maybe i’m just easily entertained by reasonably accurate science in my doctor who books but i liked all the genetics references

Eater of Wasps by Trevor Baxendale: trevor you sly dog you did it again. you mad bastard. not only is the storyline in this one soo gripping and also Quite horrifying but the characterization?? hoooooo boy. this is the book where “you really love him, don’t you?” “well, i like to think we’re just good friends.” comes from and so even if it was dogshit you’d have to read it just for that like cmon

The Year of Intelligent Tigers by Kate Orman: holy. fucking. shit. good grief. the doctor has a boyfriend and they go on picnics and drink chocolate martinis together. the doctor becomes a catboy for a few months. this story takes place on a colony world whose culture is predominantly centered around music, so you have the doctor playing his violin (hot). you have scientifically accurate zoology/xenobiology. you have a Mysterious lost civilization. most importantly you have fitz’s song he wrote for the doctor

The Slow Empire by Dave Stone: this one’s just FUNNY okay. dave stone has such a characteristic way of writing prose it’s just kind of a joy to read. if you get the hard copy all of the bits from a side character’s pov is written in comic sans. while some of the characterization is a bit meh and anji didn’t Really live up to her full potential in a couple scenes i’d still recommend it. there’s footnotes

Dark Progeny by Steve Emmerson: this is another one i colored orange even though i whole-heartedly recommend it.. it’s a commentary on corporate apathy and greed and how it destroys entire planets and just a really engaging story besides. not to mention we get a “fitz fitz fitz fitz fitz!” bit from 8 <3

The City of the Dead by Lloyd Rose: i can’t even talk about this oine lest i lose my mind… not joking when i say lloyd rose writes some of the best and juiciest angst in the whole series like some of the scenes in there made me feel like i was being helplessly entrapped in flowing grain for a month

Grimm Reality by Simon Bucher-Jones and Kelly Hale: i really do sound like a broken record at this point but this is another one of those books i could never say enough positive things about. there are two novels in this series that genre-hop and this is one of them. the tardis lands on a world where everything runs on logic straight out of the brother’s grimm (hence the title). there’s magic cloaks and evil stepsisters and giants, and the doctor, fitz, and anji all have their own separate adventures so it’s super interesting to see how each character deals with being in a fairytale. not only that but there are parts of the book written in the style of those old fairytales and i really do get a good kick out of  gimmicky stuff like that 

The Adventuress of Henrietta Street by Lawrence Miles: buckle the fuck up everyone and get out your highlighters and sticky notes because this one is so fucking dense you’ll have no choice but to annotate and take notes, sorry! it’s written in the style of a historical nonfiction which occasionally falls flat (where’s the fucking works cited, lawrence???), but the story is fucking crazy. you got arcane rituals, prostitutes doing sex magic that summon great apes, sabbath is here, the doctor is weak and sickly (always awesome), sabbath is here, the doctor gets married so he can save the earth, sabbath is here,

Mad Dogs and Englishmen by Paul Leonard: this is the petplay book featuring multicolored poodles that have human hands. need i say more? 

Hope by Mark Clapham: not the best book but it’s got some pretty crucial anji moments in, and we all love love love anji so much so we’ll read mediocre novels just for her!! (but we also see the doctor struggle with only having one heart so that’s fun too)

Anachrophobia by Jonathan Morris: literally my top 3 book in the series EASY. it takes place on a planet ravaged by a time war (as in a war that fights with weapons that fuck with time. not like That time war), yet despite that particular futuristic conceit the entire atmosphere of the book feels like something out of the 40s or 50s  - almost like the aesthetics of fallout, but instead of nuclear radiation it’s Time. most of the story takes place in this sealed off bunker that’s doing experiments to try and develop time travel, and while they’re successful in going back in time the guinea pigs who volunteered for the trial develop an illness that fucks up their personal timelines so bad they literally turn into clock zombies. and it’s contagious. but no one can leave because theres fucked up time outside uh oh!!! if you liked the themes of war profiteering from boom in the new season you’ll LOVE this book

Trading Futures by Lance Parkin: fuck you lance parkin i can’t stand your ass! you can’t fucking write for shit!!! i’d recommend this book if you want to see anji referred to as ‘the asian woman’ more than her actual name :) and a southeast asian character with a name that might as well have been taken right out of a book written by  jk rowling. really the only good part of this book is when anji almost calls the doctor an otter-fucker

The Book of the Still by Paul Ebbs: this book is a WILD fucking ride. this book is fucking insane in the most positive of ways. paul ebbs writes an absolutely top tier eight that manages to encapsulate all the development he went through in the series as well as evoking the characterization from the 1996 movie

The Crooked World by Steve Lyons: this is the second book that does a genre-swap, but instead of fairytales this time the tardis lands on a planet dominated by saturday morning cartoon physics and logic. but the doctor & co being there begins to introduce Real Life concepts such as death and sex and swearing, so all these wacky cartoon characters who’ve spent their whole lives doing wacky cartoon things like blowing each other up with sticks of dynamite or hitting each other with big hammers suddenly find that these actions actually have very very serious consequences, which really kicks off when this story’s equivalent of tom rips off this story’s equivalent of jerry’s head, killing him instantly. idk i just watched a lot of saturday morning cartoons as a kid so seeing the parodies of wacky races and scooby doo was very enjoyable. to me

History 101 by Mags L Halliday: to put it simply this book is about leftist infighting. to put it more complexly this book is about the spanish civil war and how differing opinions and principles can alter one’s perception of history - and what happens when history actually starts being changed in accordance to these differing principles. there’s also the subplot featuring fitz’s homoerotic, yet very traumatizing, travels with a guy named sasha as they journey to guernica so they can watch it be bombed

Camera Obscura by Lloyd Rose: this is where sabbath and the doctor’s relationship really reaches it’s peak. this is The Esteemed Toxic Old Man Yaoi Novel. but also remember when i said lloyd rose writes the best angst? this holds especially true here. i won’t spoil it for you but Something Crazy Happens to the Doctor! haha. haha

Time Zero by Justine Richards: this is just quantum physics: the novel. while fitz goes on his doomed siberia expedition with the geologist boytoy george in the 19th century, the doctor investigates some strange readings in siberia like a hundred years later, and some crazy confusing hijinks ensue! the events in this book kick off the arc that’ll continue for the next few books until sometime never where the multiverse is collapsing and the doctor has to fix it. even though he doesn’t know how. ALSO TRIX INTRODUCTIONNNNNN!!!!!!!!

The Infinity Race by Simon Messingham: this one’s whatever. the sabbath characterization is wack but there are a few good moments. you think it’s going to be mostly about a cool boat race but sadly that comes secondary -_-

The Domino Effect by David Bishop: this book is ASS, both plot-wise and characterization-wise. it also just seems like the author was trying to be needlessly edgy when he developed the setting, and there are just some baffling moments where characters say and do things i frankly think they would never say 

Reckless Engineering by Nick Walters: the events in this one center around a tragedy that is fucking batshit insane. the universe this takes place in features a post-apocalyptic earth. i shan’t say what this apocalypse was because finding out what happened is all apart of the fun guys. i can’t spoil everything for you

The Last Resort by Paul Leonard: what if a corporation discovered TIME TRAVEL and set up RESORTS all across human history? what if there was a mcdonalds in ancient egypt and advertisements for microsoft in the original version of the bible? also what if something just soooo fucked up happens so many times <3

Timeless by Stephen Cole: anji’s last book. sobs.

Emotional Chemistry by Simon A. Forward: idk what it was but i just didn’t really vibe with this one. it’s not awful by any means and there’s a bit of plot carried in from the last novel that continues into the next but the actions that surround it don’t really matter i think. honestly i’d just read a summary of this one and continue on 

Sometime Never... by Justin Richards: the culmination of the multiverse stuff. i liked it - miranda makes a reappearance, and the fact she’s written by someone other than lance parkin is already a plus. my only qualm is i don’t really like how it handled sabbath but that’s sort of how i felt about all the books post camera obscura… sigh

Halflife by Mark Michalowski: ANOTHER EASY TOP 3. i’m simply obsessed with all of the concepts and tropes in this book, not to mention it’s where fitz’s infamous Ass Dream can be found. there’s commentary on racism, colonialism, and religion, and it also features cannibalism as a metaphor for love :D

The Tomorrow Windows by Jonathan Morris: another case of me coloring a book orange even though i think you should read it anyway. it’s positively saturated with so many interesting alien planets and creatures and societies you’d be missing out if you didn’t read this one tbh. it’s also the first novel ever to feature the ninth doctor!

The Sleep of Reason by Martin Day: this one ok. it’s another book written from the pov of an outsider and her insights into the doctor, fitz, and trix are interesting (and their characterization when they show up is outstanding!) but it feels like they’re rarely in it & this close to the end of the series i just want to see more of my guys you know...

The Deadstone Memorial by Trevor Baxendale: i loved the atmosphere in this one. it’s more of a ghost story with sci fi elements, and the stakes involved aren’t Bigger Than Ever like they tend to be nowadays, but instead surround the wellbeing of a family of a single mom and her two kids which i appreciate - the doctor isn’t saving the Whole Universe and World; just a family from a small town; it’s effective in getting the point across that the doctor thinks everyone’s important and worth saving 

To the Slaughter by Stephen Cole: this one’s fun and goofy and steve cole wrote it solely so he could fix an error from a fourth doctor serial in which the doctor got the number of jupiter’s moons wrong. that being said the reason it’s not colored orange is because the last book of the series is written by lance parkin and i want to help you procrastinate reading his godawful prose for as long as possible. your welcome

The Gallifrey Chronicles by Lance Parkin: fuck you lance parkin

[fashionteahouse]

Could I request a Paul x reader where she previously had a baby with embry in high school so now her and Paul have to co parent with him

ooo will there be drama?? hope you enjoy :)

who? what! - paul x reader

Trips to La Push have been made, knocks, no, bangs, were made on Embry's front door. Things were fine before. The phone call to tell him the big news wasn't as nerve-wracking as you thought it was going to be. You both were still young with the future stretched out ahead.

"We're going to be good parents." Embry's voice said to you on the other end of the line.

You smiled, happy that not only he was understanding, you both got to share this moment together.

You went into labor, you tried to call him. Your parents tried to call him. No answer. It wasn't until the baby was in your arms until he burst through the door late, peering down at the small freshly born child. He gave you a look. You knew after that look, things weren't going to be the same.

After that, he barely kept in contact with you or the baby. Visiting La Push wasn't easy, banging on his door just to not receive an answer. The calls would fall into the voicemail operating system.

Stepping off of the porch, you sigh heavy, with thousands of questions swirling in your head. You made your way into a small diner, just to get a coffee. The tiring nights made you yawn so much, your jaw was a tad bit sore.

Your baby was sound asleep. You reach over to grab your cup but the baby's bottle falls out of the bag that you brought, making it roll. You get up to get it, but a tan hand grabs it. He pushes his arm out, giving you back the item.

"Thanks." you tell him.

"Up all night?" he asks.

At your cue, you yawn, cover your mouth with a hand and nod while doing so.

"Is it because of the little one?" he slightly points, in a teasing tone.

"Yes," you say chuckling, "A full night's rest would be so awesome right now."

"I don't mean to be in your business but..Does the dad work a lot or something." he asks curiously.

"I wish I knew. I could barely catch him around." you say, frowning a bit.

"The rez is small. What's his name?"

"Embry Call."

"Embry? Embry?" he asks for clarification, he couldn't believe his ears. He simply refused to believe that Embry had a child. How come he hasn't said anything to anybody?

"Yeah..." you say, eyeing the guy's confused face. You walk to sit back down, but he follows you.

"He.." he starts to say but shakes his head, not wanting to say more than he should.

"What? What's wrong?" you ask him, wanting him to continue.

He musters up the words, "He never told any of us he had a kid." he says the statement and allows his eyes to attach themselves to the sleeping baby.

You sit there, dumbstruck at the fact that he hasn't told anyone.

"Who are you?" you ask him.

"I'm Paul." he says.

"Lahote?" you finish?

He nods.

You shake your head and mutter under your breath, "Unbelievable."

He fixes a scowl on his face, "I was just trying to help out. My bad."

You raise your eyebrows a bit and blink, "No..No, I'm not talking about you. It's just that it's unbelievable that I had to find out from a stranger that.." you gesture your hand to the baby.

He brings on a look of understanding and sighs and points to the empty seat. You nod.

"I don't have to be a stranger. I can also tell him you've been looking for him." he offers. You give him a kind smile and nod.

You don't know what Paul did or said, but you finally received a phone call from Embry and you answer with quickness.

"Hey." he just says.

"Hey? Embry where have you been? I didn't know I had to raise a child by myself." you say to him with irritation.

"Look..I'm sorry..." he sighs and continues, "I don't think I would be a good parent." he says.

You scoff on the phone and quietly say, "Wow."

"I'm not ready, Y/N. We're still in school. I just.."

"You should've thought all about this before telling me how great parents we would be." you say, a spike is in your throat and tears are threatening to spill over. He broke your heart. You take a glance at the baby who is snug and sleeping in a bassinet. You sniff.

"I'm sorry." he says again.

"You're right. You are sorry." you hiss at him and hang up the phone.

"That's all he can say?" Paul asks you as he sat on the couch, gently rocking baby who's stirring. You told him everything.

"Yeah." you say as you flop down on the couch next to him, with such defeat.

"Tsk...You can at least get some sleep while I'm here. I'm not in a rush to go anywhere." Paul tells you and you look at him as if you couldn't believe it.

"It's okay, Paul. You don't hav-"

"Y/N. Sleep." he says.

You slept. You slept and felt so refreshed.

You always felt refreshed since then. With Paul's help, you were able to get caught up with homework and walk across the stage to get your piece of paper.

You both decided to try to make it work. You were hesitant at first, fearing that he would run off but he made it known that he wasn't going to do that to you. You knew he was serious by hogging up the baby. You had to tell him that you were the mother and he should let you hold them. You often chuckled how excited he would get to hold the small child.

Walking out of the newly found house that you and Paul were set to move into, laughs and plans were made.

"Y/N." you hear a familiar voice call out to you. You turn around and see Embry in a car, with his window down. He pulls over and gets out and takes a look at the scenery in front of him.

The baby of course was in Paul's arms and you were holding two sets of keys. One for the car you were going to get in and the other one for the house behind you.

"Paul, what are you doing?" Embry asks.

"Stepping up."

"You? Stepping up? The hell do you know about parenting?" Embry says and looks him up and down.

"More than you obviously."

"Seriously, Y/N?" he asks you, trying to reach your understanding.

"I have someone to help me out."

"Who? You're telling me that Paul is a good help?" Embry asks in disbelief.

"It's a shame the baby knows him more than they know you." you snap at him. You didn't want Embry to downplay Paul's help and his heart.

"What? I can't believe you're really believing that Paul is going to be great at co-parenting. I don't want my kid around him!" Embry hisses.

You scoff, "He's certainly doing a way better job than you." You push past him, angry and upset at his audaciousness.

Paul safely straps the young, small child in the car seat and you both make your way back to your current residency.

Embry looked at the car leaving. He wouldn't have bet one cent on Paul being good at raising a child. He couldn't deny the words that spilled from your lips. The baby looked healthy, he himself haven't came around as much as he should. He felt ashamed. Ashamed that he didn't buckle up to be there for his own child in their earliest moments on Earth.

[bambi-kinos]

A few more questions about our mysterious Paul, or more like his mind and his views. I know you get many asks and if you already answered this, just post a link (You might even be Paul j/k )but I do enjoy reading your thoughts) Ok so what do you think he means when he talks about John and their relationship was like. When he says things like he's so obviously straight because of all the girls he's had, John wasn't gay, or that if he was a girl maybe he could go out and do something about John being with Yoko, "in bed" etc. Or John. (Don't think he had lots of gay phobia too despite what "they" seem to think now. Or what George, Ringo or any one of his age would think about it. Obviously Paul and John too Don't seem too clear what they where. Still never really heard anyone else talk the way they do about partnership if there wasn't some love happening. Also did Liverpool men that time really lived that tough, not hugging each other. Wasn't it a bit known for a gay town? Or is that maybe later) sorry for spellings and grammar typing stuff my phone isn't used to. Lol Hope you understand my ask. Love your posts.

I'm given to understand that men from the Northern half of the UK are actually very affectionate with each other. Lots of back slapping and chuffing and affectionate punching and so forth. @scurator has talked about it a bit and is a better source than I could ever be. But the evidence points towards Northern men actually being very chummy and expressive with each other, especially Liverpool. Sailors are passionate by definition, of course the quintessential international sailors' town will be like that too. It is Paul's specific personality defects that have him saying bonkers shit like "we didn't show each other physical affection" while there are photographs of Paul and John pressing together, bumping shoulders, clapping each other on the back, etc. Which are all typical guy-things that men do to signal "I care about you, you're important to me" to each other. Paul would lose nothing by admitting this when the evidence is clear in front of our eyes. But Paul is Paul, so he can't.

When it comes to Liverpool being a "gay town" what that really means is that Liverpool is a port city with a high population of sailors. Houston Texas, where I grew up, is the exact same way. It's a hive of international traffic with thousands of dock workers and sailors running the joint. Sometimes I used to go down to the port to watch them load and unload shipping containers. There are look outs where you can sit with a pair of binoculars and just watch them go. Liverpool has the same set up with the same population of international sailors running around. It isn't necessarily a "gay town" so much as it is a horny as fuck town that is exploding with vibrant international populations all with different ideas about what is sexually permissible and what is not. Lots of sexual openness and promiscuity that is out of step with the rest of the country, vibrant LGBT+ population despite the curtain of conservatism that strangles the rest of the region, very intense artsy culture that lives cheek to jowl with a macho blue collar population...

Now am I talking about Liverpool or Houston? Lmao. Let me put it this way, sailors will fuck anything that stands still long enough and that culture of sexual adventurousness rubs off on the people who build their lives around the international port industry. Paul and John grew up with that too. And if you're thinking that might screw with your head a little when you grow up being filled with all sorts of malicious lies about sex and relationships...oh boy does it.

When it comes to Paul insisting on heterosexuality regarding him and John: IMO this is a manifestation of his greatest fear, that someone may catch on that he fell in love with another man. I don't think Paul was ever truly ashamed of it when push came to shove but that doesn't mean he wants people to know. It's private and Paul doesn't have a lot of privacy left.

Paul is also sharply aware of how dangerous it is to be gay. Paul knew about men being killed for homosexual activity, he was raised to despise it, he was raised to think there was no future in it, that only monsters and predators were homosexuals, all of that was browbeaten into him by Le Society and most likely his family. Remember that Brian Epstein would regularly get the shit kicked out of him if he propositioned the wrong man and sometimes even the right one. Paul wasn't encouraged to embrace Liverpool's seedy underbelly, that would be lunacy. As far as Paul's family knows he did the proper thing and got a girl pregnant out of wedlock (which must have been a big relief to them.) If he ever indicated that he had romantic feelings towards John then he would be lucky if the worst thing that happened to him was getting kicked out.

(That does not necessarily mean that was the reality of his situation. It's hard to know what Jim would do in that situation and I don't think he was blind. But that was what Paul and John were both raised to expect and that is the soup they boiled in while waiting for adulthood.)

And there are bigger things than just Paul and John's privacy and sexuality going on. There are trillions of dollars at stake when it comes to The Beatles.

So when Paul is professing his heterosexuality, when he's saying John wasn't a homosexual, when Paul leans on his experiences with women in interviews, that is what he is thinking of when he does it. Regardless of whatever actually went down between him and John, he has to protect that image while still projecting authenticity. It doesn't matter if it's actually real because John and Paul learned no one wants the real John and Paul. But he can still use his experiences to color his stories and protect John and himself, as well as the legacy of The Beatles.

And it should end there. Yeah?

Of course it doesn't. Or we wouldn't be here. Paul said bonkers shit about being a woman who could have stepped in between John and Yoko. That he was jealous of her and didn't like having her around. That it was a deep relationship with a lot of heat. That they went through a divorce. And then he eventually caved and start talking about how there was a deeper love between him and John, something neither of them had the understanding or vocabulary to express.

Even in death John has the power to undo Paul completely and force him to be vulnerable. Paul gets going out of nowhere it seems like, starts ranting and has to actively fight himself to make himself shut up. Now that he's older he can't really do that anymore. And probably doesn't want to, hence he randomly inserts anecdotes about John into conversations that have nothing to do with him. John has that effect on everyone he meets, he can demand total honesty from people. Paul isn't immune to that. So Paul will talk more and more honestly about himself and John, that they loved each other. And even if all he owns up to is the platonic aspect of it...well, that's a big deal for Paul.

It's hard to say if things will stay this way. Paul often seems like he's on the verge of saying something, isn't he? In the most recent documentary about the first Ed Sullivan appearance, he underlined John and George being his brothers and that he loved them. But that wasn't what he was saying when Now and Then came out and that wasn't what he showed us when he released Eye of the Storm and printed photos of John undressed and preparing for bed while Paul took photos of him. (Probably while Paul was naked in a bathtub if the cloth fringe over his camera lens was any indication.) Do you remember the furor around Now and Then and how the entire rock journalism industry seemed to be holding its breath for something? There's a reason why @frodolives made that point about "they're gentrifying McLennon."

Yoko will die sooner than later. Sean recently sold the Dakota condo and probably moved her upstate to that farm she bought in 1979/1980 so she could be in care. The diaries Fred Seaman stole and fenced were only partially recovered and there's online chatter that Paul's allies are safeguarding the remaining diaries and other resources that Fred managed to smuggle out under Yoko's nose. Peter Doggett's book "Prisoner of Love," which contains the unifying theory about WHY John stayed in the Dakota for so long, was spiked after advanced readers' copies started going out.

Something has changed behind the scenes and we're feeling the faintest tremors of it. I'm sure that we're only just getting started with regards to revelations to come.

[get-back-homeward]

Peacock: Can you tell me about the first track, “Let ’em in?”

Paul: It was half-written with Ringo in mind actually. He asked me to write him a tune and there was that one and another one. In the end, I told him I was nicking it and he could have the other one. I just got this idea for a song about someone knocking on the door, someone ringing the bell, and then in the middle, I got into the idea of naming people, just sort of symbolic of a crowd coming in… Sister Suzie, Brother John. Who’s Brother John?

Peacock: I was wondering…

Paul: Whoever you want it to be really, Uncle Ernie? Keith Moon flashing, I suppose, but the trouble with talking about things like that is .. that’s you’ve got to make an excuse for it all after. Someone says, “What did you mean by that?” And really I don’t know. It just comes into your head. Brother Michael — that’s obvious — that’s my brother Michael! Auntie Jin — I’ve got an Auntie Jin, Brother John — that could be whoever you want.

Peacock: Do you get fun out of the thought that people are going to sit down trying to work out the meaning behind lyrics like that?

Paul: It would be great if I wasn’t the ultimate authority on it. It would be just like “Match of the Day” watching them all go around delving into who the Walrus or Brother John is. I mean, to me Brother John is John Lennon, or Linda’s got a brother called John. I suppose it’s anyone’s brother John, but to me, it’s John Lennon. But not in any weird way. It just came out like that. So rather than hide it or change it, I left it. But now, they’re going to ask me. That’s the only problem, that’s the reason it’s not so much fun as it could be because there’s always someone coming up saying “What did you mean by…” or “Linda is Venus, you’re Mars — right?” Wrong, they’re planets, remember?

Peacock: Do you ever take things out because they might be misinterpreted?

Paul: No, I don’t think I ever do that, because normally when it’s writ itself then it’s writ. I don’t really much around with it too much. It’s like most things — you do a painting and think it’s not quite right so you do it again and it’s worse. Like a record — you can go on beyond the right take, but it’s never better. No, I don’t take things out for that reason, in fact, I’d leave things in because people were going to talk about them.

April 3, 1976: Paul McCartney talks to Steve Peacock for Street Life (Vol. 1, Issue 12, Apr 1976)

[therealcocoshady]

Ok sorry for blowing up your asks, but I have one that might be right up your angsty alley…

Marshall is having a particularly hard time on one of the anniversaries of Proof’s passing…🕊️ He’s super vulnerable with reader and she has to comfort him 😔🥺

DIFFICULT 🕊️

Eminem x Assistant Reader

Synopsis : Em is nowhere to be found as you're waiting for him for an important meeting. Turns out... It's the anniversary of Proof's passing and he needs you.

Tags : Vulnerability - Grief - Angst - Comfort

Author's Note : Thank you for this Ask ! I low-key love that you thought of me when it comes to angsty requests 👀. I got inspired and ended up writing quite a bit but I'm afraid it's all over the place. I hope you like it nonetheless. ❤️

Do you know where he is ? Paul asked, visibly unnerved. He should already be here ! 

He’s coming, you assured the manager. I reminded him of this meeting on Friday, don’t worry, he’s going to show up. 

It’s your job to make sure he shows up on time, Y/N, Paul added sternly. That’s what personal assistants are for. 

He’s never late, you said. I’m sure there’s a good reason. Something must have come up… 

It was unlike Marshall to show up late to a work meeting, especially when it involved music. In the past year, since you had started working for him, he had never shown up late anywhere. If anything, he was a bit neurotic about punctuality. « Early is on time, on time is late » he always said. And when it came to anything regarding his latest album, he tended to show up extremely early, polishing details up until the last minute. Except that, today, he was almost thirty minutes late and you were facing Paul and Dre on your own, and there was only so much small talk you could make. 

Look, if the album’s not ready for me to listen to yet, you guys just have to say so, Dre said. 

No, it is, Paul assured him. I mean, you know Marshall, he’s always trying to polish and tweak little things, but we have a version that’s more than ready for you. We wouldn’t have you come from LA otherwise… 

I’ll try an call him, you said. 

You got up and went to your office. You were starting to be a little freaked out. You didn’t want to be dramatic, but you were starting to feel scared that something terrible had happened. One time, he got into a car crash and was not even that late. Thirty minutes late for Marshall was basically four hours late for anyone else. You got out of the room and tried to call him, but he didn’t pick up. Had he lost his phone ? You knew he hated the iPhone you had convinced him to buy - to replace his more than ancient Blackberry - and he used it as little as possible, but him losing anything was unlikely. And he knew about this meeting. You had specifically reminded him of it. He wouldn’t show up late to a meeting with Dre. He had way too much respect for the man. You nervously checked his iCloud calendar, thinking that maybe he was confused about the time. Unlikely but not impossible either. You remembered adding the event « Meeting with Dre - ALBUM VERSION 1 » for this Monday, 9:00 AM a while ago. But it was nowhere to be found. Had it been accidentally deleted ? Had you dropped the ball ? No. Impossible. Not to toot your own horn, but you wouldn’t screw up like that. It was probably a bug. You checked the week’s other events. Deleted too. You knew he had other meetings and studio sessions planned, but they did not appear on the calendar. Weird. Especially since last week’s event were still appearing, and the following week’s too. It looked like someone had cleared this week’s schedule and you knew it wasn’t you. It had to be Marshall, then, since he was the only other person to have access to his calendar. You were worried. He would not clear a whole week’s schedule, especially not when he was nearly done with his album. Something had to have happened. Something awful, by the looks of it. Your mind immediately went to his family. They were the only people he would clear his schedule for. You decided to call Hailie, hoping that nothing awful had happened to her or her sisters. 

Hey Y/N, you heard her soft voice say as she picked up the phone. How are you ? 

Hey Hailie, you said nervously. Are you alright ? 

All good, she said. Why ? Are you ok ? Is there anything wrong ? 

Um… I don’t know, you said. I'm trying to reach your Dad. Have you heard of him ? 

Not since Thursday, I think. He told me he was spending the weekend with you. What’s wrong ? 

He’s just a little late to a meeting, you said as you tried to sound casual. I was worried that something had happened to you, your sisters, Nate… 

No, we’re all good, she said reassuringly. Look, I’m in Chicago, but I can try and call him… 

Don’t worry about it, you said. Enjoy Chicago.

Thank you ! See you ! 

Hailie didn’t seem too worried, so there was at least that. However, you were a little bugged off. You absolutely had not spent the weekend with Marshall and, frankly, you were a bit shocked that he had lied to his daughter about it. Not that you never spent the weekend together - in the past six months, it had happened quite a bit - but he was not the type to lie to his daughter. It was odd that he would use you as a lie, especially since your relationship - if you could call it that - was still in the developing stage. As far as Hailie was concerned, you were the closest thing her Dad had to a girlfriend but, in actuality, it was a bit more complicated. It wasn’t necessarily serious or committed, and there most certainly wasn’t any label on it. You were his personal assistant, whom he occasionally fooled around with. The only reason Hailie saw you as his girlfriend was that she had walked in on the two of you making out with very, very few clothes on. Thank God, she was an adult and didn’t really want to know anything about it. No one ever mentioned the incident but she assumed there was something between you and Marshall. And there was. In a way. But he wasn’t really the kind of guy to put a label on it and you knew it. He was extremely guarded and, even though you knew you were one of the people closest to him, you didn’t expect much. He was a really great boss, amazing man and more than satisfactory lover, but you knew him enough to know it would never evolve into anything serious. « I don’t do relationships, you know » he had once told you. And you didn’t mind. You enjoyed things just the way they were. The way you saw it, the sex you sometimes had - usually on work trips or late nights - was a perk to your job, along with the generous salary and health benefits. But regardless of all that, him lying about spending the weekend with you was extremely odd. You tried calling him again, but were sent straight to voicemail. You sheepishly went back to the conference room. 

Did you talk to him ? Paul asked. 

No news, you said. That’s odd. I’ll go to his place and if he’s not there, I’ll try the hospitals. I’m sorry. 

I hope he’s ok, Dre said. Keep us posted ? 

Of course. 

You made your way to your car and drove to his place. Security knew your car and plates and saw you often enough to let you through the gates. You parked in front of Marshall’s house and immediately noticed that the car he used the most was parked out front. He was home. Thank God, you didn’t have to worry about a car crash. You rang the bell but no one came to open it. Maybe he had slipped in the shower and injured his head ? Or fallen down the stairs ? No. You often joked about him being older but he wasn’t geriatric either. Still, you were worried so you used your spare key and let yourself in. 

The house was unusually dark and messy. You checked downstairs, the living room, kitchen, office… It was messy, like someone had rummaged through things, but Marshall was nowhere to be found. You tried every room upstairs, every closet, every bedroom, but he wasn’t there either. You decided to try the only remaining space you hadn’t checked : the basement (you doubted he was in the garage - he liked his cars but not enough to cancel a meeting about music). That’s where you found him : in one of the dimly lit rooms he had converted into a home music studio, laying on the carpet, eyes closed, headphones on his head. You gasped and almost thought he was dead. You immediately rushed to his side and checked his breath. As soon as you approached, he slowly opened his eyes and groaned. 

Marshall, are you alright ? You asked. Are you hurt ? 

No, he said in a raspy voice before sitting up. 

You examined his face : he looked like a zombie, or at least like someone who had forgotten what sleep and food were. And judging by the smell, he had also forgotten about showers. You usually enjoyed his masculine scent but now he was smelling as rank as a teenage boy addicted to video games. 

What are you doing here ? He asked. 

I came to check you weren’t dead, you said. You missed the meeting with Dre. Paul is furious. 

Wait… What day is it ? He asked in confusion. 

Monday, you said. April 12th. 

Fuck. 

He rubbed his eyes and scratched his beard, and you inspected him closer. His eyes were bloodshot, with huge dark circles. The beard he usually kept well-trimmed was all over the place, so was his short hair, and his breath smelled of energy drink. He had always had a penchant for soda and Redbull, but it usually wasn’t to the point of smelling like a candy factory. Well, if you added the smell of sweat, it was more like someone who ran a marathon in the Redbull factory. Marshall looked at you without saying a word. 

Are you alright ? You asked. 

Does it look like I’m alright ? He groaned. 

Not really, you admitted - not really knowing what to say. 

Why are you ask, then ?

If you hadn’t been so worried, you would have snapped at him for behaving like an ass, but it wasn’t him. You sighed and looked at the CDs he’d been listening to : « Searching for Jerry Garcia » and « I Miss the Hip Hop Shop » by Proof. That’s when it hit you : today was April 12th and April 11th was the anniversary of his best friend’s passing. The both of you were sitting on the carpet, not saying a word. He knew that you knew. 

Do you… Um… Want to talk about it ? You asked tentatively. 

I need a shower, he said. 

Yes he did. He definitely did. You got up and waited for him to do the same but he simply groaned as he tried to move. You gave him your hand and helped him up as he let out a moan and held his back. You wondered how long he’d been laying there, listening to music and losing track of time. He seemed to have trouble even standing up. « God, he must be exhausted », you thought. 

Need help ? You asked. 

Y-Yeah, he said. 

Shower ? 

Yeah. 

Without a word, you helped him to the nearest bathroom where he started undressing without even waiting for you to leave. You could feel your cheeks burn. You’d seen him naked before, sure, but this different than the two of you shedding your clothes in a passionate moment. Now, you had the feeling of seeing something you weren’t supposed to. It felt a bit weird. You watched him step in the shower and went upstairs, to his closet, to pick some clothes for him to wear. You grabbed boxers, some sweatpants, a wife beater and a hoodie and put them in the bathroom, near the sink before opening the windows to let in some light and fresh air, as you tidied up a bit. You’d spent some time in his house before but you had never seen the place this messy. 

Thanks for the clothes, Marshall said as he emerged from the bathroom. 

Feeling better ? You asked. 

Yeah.

When was the last time you showered ? You asked. 

I don’t know, he shrugged. 

Last time you ate ? 

Fri…Sat… I don’t know, he replied. 

He seemed gaunt and, even if the shower seemed to have done some good, Marshall seemed like a corpse. He was standing there, staring at you, not extremely responsive. You had never seen him like this and it was definitely a far cry from his usual self. Ever since you had met him for the first time, you had found him to have an impressive presence. Whenever he walked into a room, he naturally drew attention to him and he had such charisma that he seemed bigger than he actually was. But for the first time, he looked weak and lost. 

Are you hungry ? You asked. 

A bit, he replied. 

Sit, you said. I’ll prepare something. What do you want ? Pasta ? 

Whatever, he said. 

He sat on the couch and you made your way to the kitchen. Being the one responsible for his shopping, you knew the pantry like the back of your hand and knew exactly what was in there. You decided to make some homemade spaghetti, using Mom’s Spaghetti sauce with homemade garlic toasts. His lazy comfort food. When you brought his plate to the living room, he was manspreading, looking at the ceiling. 

Thanks, he said as you handed him the food. Chips would have been enough, you know ? 

You need to eat a real meal, you simply said. 

He nodded and started to eat. You noticed he was avoiding your gaze. He usually didn’t have much trouble maintaining eye contact, except for when he was ashamed, or sad, or tired. In this case, you knew it was probably a mixture of everything. There was no doubt as to his exhaustion and sadness, and you knew he would feel ashamed for missing an important work meeting. You looked at him and left the room to go and call Paul. 

So ? He asked. How is he ? 

He’s… sick, you lied, knowing full well Marshall wouldn’t want you telling people how you had found him. 

Sick ? The managed asked. What does he have ? 

The flu, you said. It’s pretty nasty. I cleared up his schedule for the week. He needs rest. He’s really sorry about the meeting. 

Alright. I’ll call him later, he said. Dre has to leave today, we’ll have to set up another meeting. 

I’ll let him know. 

You also texted Hailie to let her know you had managed to get ahold of her Dad. When you got back to Marshall, he was looking at a picture frame of him and Proof. From the looks of it, you guessed it was from 2005-2006. You sat next to him in silence. 

The flu ? He asked in a raspy voice. 

Couldn’t come up with anything better on the spot, you said. At least, it buys you the rest of the week so you can rest. 

No need, he said. I can… I can work. 

Bullshit, you sighed. 

He stared in your eyes for the first time all day and sighed. His eyes went back to the picture frame and you could see hum swallow dryly. 

Went was this taken ? You asked. 

March 2006, he said in a breaking voice. It’s the last picture of him I have… 

His breath was shaky and you could tell he was on the verge if tears. You placed a hand over his and gently stroked his skin. 

It’s ok to cry, you know ? You said softly. 

You weren’t too sure why you said that. Of course it was ok to cry. A man in his fifties, especially your boss, did not need your permission to cry. Or so you thought. Because as soon as the words left your lips, the tears started to flow and he started sobbing. You put a hand on his back and tried to soothe him while you saw his face redden and scrunch up, his tears wetting his face. It was painful seeing him like this and you wished there was something you could do. If that were possible, you would gladly take his pain and make it yours. 

Fu-fuck, I-I’m sorry, he said after a while. 

You have nothing to apologize for, you said gently. It’s ok. He was your best friend. It’s ok to be sad. 

I-I fucked up…

It’s just a work meeting, you reminded him. We’ll set up another meeting with Dre, I’ll move a couple of appointments, it’s fine. 

No, not… I-I…

He was trying to speak but he wasn’t making much sense. He was stuttering, his voice cracking, changing pitch… You put your arms around him, half-expecting him to push you away but he didn’t. You kept running a hand up and down his back to soothe him a bit and it seemed effective. 

Thank you, Y/N, he said. 

Were you like this all weekend ? You asked. 

Yeah… 

Is that why you told Hailie I was spending the weekend with you ? 

I… Yeah, he said sheepishly. I didn’t want the kids to see me like this. 

I see, you said. So… what ? You listened to his music, looked at pictures and lost track of time ? 

I guess, he shrugged. I… I tried to go to his grave yesterday but it was packed. 

I guess a lot of people miss him, you said. 

No, it was… I saw them and they were wearing… My tee-shirts. My merch. They were my fans. On his grave. And it drove me fucking mad. Because I couldn’t even get out of my car, and I had to see these people pay respect but they were fans. They didn’t know him. And I saw the posts on social media. And people keep on making it about me. 

His voice broke again. You had often had conversations with him about fame and how he was dealing with it. Most of the time, he was grateful for it, though he often gave the impression that he didn’t really get why he was famous and how people could look up to him so much. « It’s just me », he often said. Deep down, he only saw himself as a guy trying to make it in hip-hop, trying to be the best emcee. Fame was never really part of his plan, though he was grateful for the success and love of people granted him. But the way he was speaking, it seemed like less of a blessing and more of a curse. He explained to you that he felt guilty for people making Proof’s death about him. Sure, he was his best friend, but he was so much more, and he just wished people would respect his legacy and everything he meant to the hip-hop culture. He also felt guilty when he thought about Proof’s family, who didn’t only have to deal with a tragic loss but also his own fame, and always being asked questions about him. 

His wife… She always hated me, you know ? He said. She hated all of us. Proof was never home, always either getting in trouble with us or trying to keep us out of it. Now we don’t speak too much and… I mean, I get it, I was his friend, not hers, but… I don’t know. I was supposed to be an uncle to his kids, you know ? I’m supposed to be there for them, not make things difficult. I’m supposed to be the one sending flowers, not receiving them in their place. 

Do you keep in touch ? You asked. 

I try, he said. I mean, if the kids need something, they know they can call. Sharonda too. She never would, she’s too proud but… Yeah, I just wish I could do more, you know ? 

I know, you said. You shouldn’t feel guilty… 

No, I should, he shrugged. When he died, I was a massive asshole about it… I mean, I guess I made it a lot about me. But now it makes me so mad. And sad. And I miss him so much and I just wish I could apologize to him. 

For what ? You asked as you stroked his hand. 

Everything, he shrugged. For being ungrateful and not seeing everything he did to hold down the fort. Proof… He was strong when I was weak. And I never got to tell him how thankful I am. If it weren’t for him, I’d still be making burgers. 

I’m sure he knew how much you loved him, you said softly. 

I hope, he said. He was everything to me… Like… We didn’t love each other like that, you know. Like, no homo or whatever. But sometimes I think he was the love of my life. In a platonic way. Like, he was my other half, the one who made me a better person. And now that he’s gone… I’m just me. And it’s hard. 

You’re still pretty great, you said. And I know he would be proud of you. 

I… I don’t know, he said. 

He seemed lost in his thoughts. You realized you had been stroking his back the whole time and stopped. He turned to you with his eyebrows furrowed and he didn’t even have to ask for you to resume. It was the first time the two of you had such a prolonged physical contact without it being sexual and you wondered if he noticed, too. He closed his eyes and you looked at him some more. He was clearly exhausted and you weren’t too sure how long he would need to sleep. Probably a long time. 

You should go to bed, you said softly. 

I guess, he shrugged. 

You need rest, you insisted. I’ll do the dishes and go home, ok ? You can call me if you need anything. 

Can you stay ? He asked nervously. I… I don’t feel like being… alone. 

Sure, you said with a hint of surprise. 

Ok. 

He got up and headed upstairs. When he noticed you weren’t following him, he turned to you with a raised eyebrow. 

You don’t want to come ? 

Upstairs ? You asked with your eyebrows furrowed. To your… room ? 

You said I needed to sleep, he pointed out. I’m not sleeping on the damn couch. 

You shrugged and followed him. That was new. You had slept over a couple of times, but never in the same bed as him. The only circumstances in which you had seen his bedroom were strictly sexual. But as soon as the deed was done, he wouldn’t sleep in the same bed as you. And even when you had slept with him during work trips, you’d been back to your own room after. It was one of the many ways in which he could be guarded and you knew it had nothing to do with you. He just had his quirky, peculiar ways. He got in bed and looked at you intently. 

Come, he said. 

Ok, you said as you sat next to him. 

Remove your socks, he instructed. 

I’m not removing my socks, you said. My feet are cold. 

You’re not getting in my bed with your dirty socks, he pointed out. 

I just put them on this morning, you said. They’re not dirty. 

It’s a pet peeve, he said. Just… Socks off, ok ? And get under the covers. 

You scoffed. If he was in a good enough state to be oddly specific - as he often was about practically everything in his life - it was a good sign. You took your socks off and sat in bed, under the covers. It felt weird but Marshall didn’t seem to pick on it. He simply laid there and stared at you. 

You’re not laying down ? He finally asked. 

Um… Sitting is fine, you said. 

Can you lie down, please ? He asked. 

You looked at him with a raised eyebrow but still did as you were told. As soon as you laid down next to him, he closed his eyes. Given how exhausted he looked, you half-expected him to fall asleep right then and there but he didn’t. Instead, he kept on tossing and turning. 

What’s up ? You asked. Do you need anything ? 

I think it’s the Redbull, he said. I haven’t drank much else in days. It’s keeping me awake. 

Oh, you said. Let’s talk, then. 

About what ? He asked. 

I don’t know, you shrugged. We can talk about anything. What’s up with the cleared schedule on iCloud ? Did you do that ? 

Yeah… I don’t know, he said sheepishly. I… I went to the cemetery yesterday and when I couldn’t go and had to go home, I guess I lost it. There were these thoughts in my head and… I’m not sure I can do it anymore. Without Proof it’s… too hard. 

Tears were welling in his eyes again. It had been more than fifteen years since Proof’s passing and Marshall had put out quite a few albums in that time, but the wound still seemed fresh. It wasn’t a matter of his technical ability to do it without Proof - of course he could - it was about whether or not he wanted to. 

Ok, you said. 

Ok ? He asked. 

What do you want me to say ? You asked. Do you want me to plead for you to keep going ? I’m not going to. If you want to quit and retire, that’s ok, you’re allowed. 

Really ? 

I mean… Yeah, you said simply. It’s your decision. If you think you don’t have anything else to bring to the table, that’s fine. You’ve had a good run and a career people can only dream of having. If you decide to put an end to it, that’s fine. 

Wait… No, he said. I mean, your job is to talk me out of it. Is that some reverse psychology thing ? 

It’s Paul’s job to talk you out of it, you clarified. Me, I’m just a personal assistant. My job is to manage your schedule and make life easier for you. Whether or not you put out music, my job’s fine as long as you need me to do your shopping, come to football games with you and remind you of your dentist’s appointments. Next one is in two months by the way. 

He chuckled and you couldn’t help but smile. His face was still puffy and he still didn’t look his best, but hearing him laugh - however lightly - was good. He was a great person and you hated seeing him like this. Of all the people you had ever met, he was the one who had suffered the most, and deserved it the least. He was a good, hardworking, honest and generous man, on top of being one of the most talented people ever. His sadness was breaking your heart. If his career was making him sad, if keeping on going without Proof was too hard, he should be allowed to quit. He had earned it and, in your opinion, he didn’t have anything left to prove to anyone. 

So you don’t care whether I end my career or not ? He asked with an amused look. 

As a fan, I think it would be tragic, you said. Especially If you don’t put out that last album. It’s your best work so far. But as a person… What I care about is you, Marshall. I’m in the front row, seeing how hard you work every day. If you say that’s too hard, then that’s too hard and I trust you on that. If you think you’ll be happier doing something else, just enjoying life with your family and focusing on your charity, you should do that. 

Proof would kick my ass for thinking of quitting, he said pensively. 

I think Proof would want you to be happy, you pointed out. 

He hummed and looked at you. He brought a hand to your face and stroked your face as a single tear rolled on his cheek. You smiled and wiped the tear, letting your hand cup his face. You stared at each other in silence. It was unusual but, oddly enough, not uncomfortable. 

Thank you for staying, Y/N, he simply said before letting out a small yawn. 

You should really try and get some sleep, you replied softly. 

He nodded and closed his eyes as you heard him take deep breaths. A couple of minutes later, he was asleep. You could hear him snore lightly. You looked at your phone to check the time. It was only 1PM. You figured you’d stay there for a while and let him sleep while you answered a couple of e-mails. After a couple of hours, Marshall was still sleeping soundly. You thought you might as well do some tidying up in the house, but as soon as you tried to move, you felt his arm around your waist, bringing you closer to him. You smiled to yourself as you realized it was the first time you actually cuddled with him - and you enjoyed it more than you probably should. Your back was against his chest and you could feel his heartbeat. This and the sensation of his arm around you were incredibly soothing and you allowed yourself to close your eyes for a minute.

(…)

Marshall groaned as you gently shook his shoulder to try and wake him up. He scrunched up his nose and let out a few obscenities. He looked pissed off as he opened his eyes. 

What time is it ? He groaned. 

About 7PM, you said. 

You better have a good reason to wake me up, he sighed. 

I think I do. You have clothes on your bed and ten minutes to get changed, ok ? 

I’m not getting dressed, and I’m not going out, he said with an eye roll. 

And I’m not giving you a choice, you said with a smile. Get up. Please. You won’t regret it. 

You made your way downstairs and prepared a bottle of water and a snack for Marshall as you waited for him. When he arrived, he looked a bit puzzled. He was still clearly tired but he looked a lot better. You made him get in your car and drove to the cemetery. You had called ahead of time and asked if they would do you a favor and keep the place open for a couple more hours. You used the « Marshall Mathers » card, which always worked when it came to getting a table at a fancy restaurant, borrowing a private jet or keeping a store open when Marshall needed to shop for his daughters’ birthday. 

What are we doing here ? He asked as you parked out front.

You know what we’re doing here, you said. It’s after hours and you get to pay your respects in peace. 

You… You arranged for this ?

I did, you said. They’ll be open until 8:30PM. I’m sorry, I didn’t find a florist open, though. 

He looked at you in shock and immediately engulfed you in a hug before whispering a « thank you » in your ear before getting out of the car. An hour later, you were leaning on the hood of your car, smoking a cigarette when Marshall came back. He seemed more at peace. You could tell he had cried - as people often do when they’re visiting someone’s grave - but he seemed alright nonetheless. He walked up to you and took you by surprise by kissing you. Contrary to all the kisses you’d shared until now, this one wasn’t greedy, hungry or passionate. It was tender and soft. Intimate and emotional. 

A-Are you alright ? You asked. 

Yeah, he hummed. Thank you for taking me. 

You’re welcome, you said with a smile. 

Ready to go ? He asked. 

Almost, you said as you pointed to your cigarette - knowing full well the hatred he had of your smoking habit. 

The drive home was a bit weird. You had kissed before but this felt different. You had always enjoyed his kisses but this one was, by far, your favorite. You felt a little guilty for enjoying it so much. If you were honest with yourself, it was a little scary, too. The only reason you had managed not to catch feelings for Marshall was because he was usually guarded and there were a lot of boundaries. But after today, after seeing him this open and vulnerable, you weren’t too sure you could go back to having casual sex with him. It would be too dangerous. 

Did you know Proof’s family would be there ? He asked as you parked in front of his place. 

Were they ? You asked in surprise. No, I didn’t. 

The cemetery must have called them, then, he shrugged. 

I’m sorry, you said. I insisted that you have your privacy… 

It’s fine, he said. I talked to Sharonda. Nasaan was here too. 

How did it go ? 

Pretty well, he said. I’m seeing them later this week. Over dinner. 

That’s great, you replied with a smile. I’m happy for you. 

Thank you Y/N, he said emotionally. For everything you always do for me. I mean, I wouldn’t be able to get through life without you. You put up with me, you make life bearable… And… Thank you for today, especially. 

You’re welcome, you said with a small smile. 

He cupped your face and kissed you again. You leaned into the kiss more than you should. A part of you knew that you should push him away… But you couldn’t bring yourself to do it. Not after he had such a hard day. So you kissed him back and enjoyed the sensation of his tongue caressing yours, of his fingers in your hair. 

Now, you should go and get some rest, you said softly. 

Are you coming ? He asked as he stroked your cheek. 

Do you need me ? 

Y/N… I always need you. 

And just like that… You knew you were screwed. You felt an army of butterflies in your stomach and your brain was nowhere to be found. It had left the chat as soon as you heard Marshall’s soft voice say he needed you. You were unable to think so your emotions took over as you exited the car and got inside the house, his hand in yours. 

[m1ssunderstanding]

Understanding Lennon McCartney Rewatch Part 1.4

Oh, John. It's hard because I'm like “fame was not good for that man” but I'm also like “he would've gone crazy with self-loathing if he didn't have the fame.”

John and Paul start to answer a question at the same time. John: no, go on, you can say it. They're seriously so married. 

John's schoolboy flirting is cute, but what's more noteworthy to me is a) how happy Paul is to be shoved and b) how he instantly leans back into John. It's like they're bungeed together or something. 

John gets me. Look how much he loves Paul bringing out the forced confidence shield to protect him. He's so in love. So turned on. 

Here's my question about the death threats. Did the other Beatles actually receive them and tell Brian about them and keep them from John? Because that would be incredibly sweet and noble of them, but also, in that case, surely John received death threats too. Meaning he just didn't care about his own life and assumed the others were being left out of it because they hadn't actually said they were bigger than Jesus. Or did they have people filtering all their mail by that point? And Brian had been keeping the death threats from all of them? Because that could be interpreted as both protective and selfish of him. Does anyone know?

Again. I just love how Paul goes to bat for John over and over during this tour. Batting his eyes and playing with his hair and shouting down any and all criticism of John speaking his mind.

This moment is so telling to me. An interviewer who was up front at several concerts points out the looks and smiles between John and Paul which you can only see from the front and asks, “is it really that much fun every time?” The easy answer is, “Yeah. We like what we do. It's fun!” But Paul gets cagey. “Oh well the thing is you know with things like that it's probably…” and he makes up a bullshit story about messing up on a song they haven't performed in a year. Why do that if you don't have something to hide? (Even if you're subconsciously hiding) That right there is a tip-off for me that they're not normal about each other. 

Interviewer: are you guys breaking up? John, immediately and emphatically: No. Paul: "Depends what you mean by breaking up, you know . . . Because we can't go on forever like this, so we've got to think now and prepare for, you know, if it did happen. The time has come for us to break up, but we've realized the possibility . . . Of breaking up as a natural progression." Literally shut the fuck up right now, you're going to give John an aneurysm.

I understand. I know. I don't relate to Paul much but I do relate to his hyperactivity and his avoidant attachment. I make sure constantly that I'll be okay when all my relationships end. But you don't talk about that in front of the other person. Especially someone like John whose worst fear is being left. Come on. Think. 

See, now look what you did, Paul. Here's John's answer the next time they're asked about breaking up. 

And yeah, the klan being the ones to “stand up against the Beatles blasphemy” really proves my point from the last post I think. It's just masked racism. 

It actually seems like Paul's more vocally political at this point in time than John is. I wonder what happened to change that? Was it just the influence of their respective wives? Was it just easier for them to play up the roles they'd been assigned for the most part?

Okay on this round of “are you breaking up” they look at each other first before they answer and then Paul goes “all together probably.” I wonder if they talked about their previous answers together and admitted – however cautiously or however veiled – that hearing the other say they might leave hadn't been fun. Who knows, honestly.  

Paul and John often talk about making a radio show together apparently. Gosh if only they could've done that now. I'd make them my token white boy podcast. It'd be great. They'd be so lame and so adorable and they'd talk about recipes and politics and they'd gossip and rank other people's music. But anyway, what really gets me is the often bit. So they really did plan their post-beatle future together. Enough that it was a frequent topic of discussion between them. They planned to be together forever. 

Ugh it always guts me that Paul brought a girlfriend to Paris with him to meet up with John.

Okay my tin hat is glued to my head for this but. But. Hear me out alright? So John starts filming on 09/19/66. He's there for 6 &½ weeks. Putting the end at the beginning of November, right when Paul goes in disguise and alone to Paris. Do we have tabs on John for those dates? John just talked about going around Paris in disguise. What if  they met up by themselves and in secret? What then?

 No fucking wonder John was exhausted with him. Damn. He takes a month and a half to write strawberry fields, shows it to Paul, then...

Interviewer: the songwriting team will keep going whatever happens will it? John: yeah, we'll probably carry on writing music Forever. It's just so ‘Obviously. Might as well ask me if the sun's going to come up tomorrow.’

His friend – try dangerous drugs with and take home to daddy type “friend” – just died brutally and suddenly two days ago, and this is what he looks like and talks like and he's going in to work like it's nothing. I just. Compare that to John talking about Brian's death? Obviously two very different relationships but still… Paul's upbringing really fucked him up so hard. He thinks he's not allowed to be human. What can I say? It's a drag.

AKA the happiest 6 months of John and Paul's lives. 

I find it fascinating that Paul alone is asked to compose and record what would eventually become the carnival of light and that he just went ahead and included everyone in that. Really makes me wonder if he got a vibe off John that him doing the family way alone was hurtful or if they maybe even talked about it? Or maybe he just didn't like doing the family way without John.

Actually quite a lovely, forward-thinking, humble speech. Imagine being John, though. Watching that from home like “why the fuck is he philosophizing to the world without me?” Because you know John shares all those sentiments and might even have got there first. It would be infuriating.

“A lucky man who made the grade” is an interesting way to describe Tara and I can't help but wonder if it has anything to do with Tara being cool enough for Paul to associate with him. And Paul is many things but stupid is not one of them. He's going to at the very least wonder if this verse is about John laughing at his friend's death. Right? Like I know Paul's the repression CEO but seriously I don't think even he is that good. 

Maybe that Leopold and Leob quote isn't just about tearing people down verbally. Maybe Wooler genuinely got a vibe of a sense of superiority and therefore lack of empathy with Lennon/McCartney.

I mean he really does sound like he's describing sex though, doesn't he? Emotional, loving, romantic sex. Followed immediately by Paul's “I'd love to turn you on” lyrics and the “down with pants” and “sword swallower” pins. Alrighty then. 

What I would call my Beatles bio after watching this. "They Touched Dicks: The Only Logical Conclusion."

[ghoastixx]

Hello!! Do you think you could do a poly!lost boys x male reader, where the reader gets their tonsils removed? Like, he get it done during the day and hadn’t thought to tell the boys so when night falls he doesn’t meet up with them at the boardwalk so they go to his house, thinking he’s finally finished with them, (trust issues galore, I swear) only to find him resting in bed, drugged up and sore.

Fluffy cuddling and a bit of a delirious reader who gets upset a little and cries from the soreness of the surgery. Comfort.

Please and thank you!!

Poly!lost boys x male delirious reader

notes: OH MY GOD I'M SO SORRY THAT I WAS AWAY FOR SO LONG. SCHOOL STARTED AGAIN AND MY COLLEGE ASSIGNMENTS ARE BEATING MY ASS!!!!

author's notes: I haven't written anything for the lost boys in a damn hot minute so this will probably be shitty.

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Everything. hurt. That's all you could think of as you lay in your bed, listening to the waves of santa carla luring your pain to sleep. Despite such peacefulness for you, a certain group of boys were..quite restless tonight.

"Where is he?" Paul huffed impatiently, fiddling with one of the bracelets he nicked off a pretty little thing after bleeding her dry a few weeks ago. "Did he say anything about not being here yesterday?"

"I don't think so," Marko responded, bored out of his mind. David was smoking a cigarette, seemingly somewhere else in his mind as Dwayne kept his eyes out for any sign of their human pet boyfriend.

"Do you think he's mad at us?" Paul all but whined,

"For what? We didn't do nuthin'" Marko all but barked back, which caused a sharp glare from Dwayne.

The boys were only so patient, waiting around their bikes for an hour before they came to a conclusion. You didn't love them anymore.

So, jumping onto their bikes, they drove to your place, deciding that you would have to face up to the facts of your loss of love. You should tell them damnit! Besides.. you knew too much... surely you'd taste sweet..

You sat up in bed, thinking you heard approaching bikes and the sound of boots on the wooden floors. A few scrapes at your window, taps on the walls. All it took was a whine coming from your form for the boys to quit their antics, stepping into your bedroom.. god you smelled so sweet.. The sound of you so distressed was unusual, usually you were a bit more tough, something was obviously wrong.

The boys felt relieved whenever you eased up at the sight of them. "Boys? What're you doing here?" You murmured, a bit sleepy. David spoke up before anyone else could, still a bit skeptical.

"You didn't show. We got worried about you." You tilted your head a bit which Paul found adorable, he strolled right over to your bed and sat his pretty little ass down onto it, he always adored your "nest."

"Did I not tell you guys?"

"Tell us what?" Dwayne asked, he could all but sense the pain that was zipping through your body.

"Got my tonsils out today, wasn't gonna come out tonight."

"Your tonsils out?" Marko questioned,

"No puppy, you didn't tell us." David spoke a bit gruffly, coming off a bit more blunt than intended.

"Had us worried about you." Dwayne backed him up.

What none of the boys expected was for you to start...sniffling? Paul instantly perked up.

"oh no no no, baby- what's got you so upset?"

"I'm sorry," your words slurred, "didn't mean to make you guys upset- don't want you mad at me-"

Marko, frowning, went and joined Paul in your bed, flopping down onto it and playing with your hair. Dwayne walked over, touching your cheek.

"How many drugs do they have you on?" He all but mumbled.

"Hurts-" was all you had to say for David to finally cave, coming over to your bed with the others, sitting down on the side of it.

"I know, bub, just lay down, we'll make it go away."

The waves of santa carla's beaches were quiet against the sound of four purring vampires and one sleepy human sandwiched between them. When you woke up the next morning, a note from Dwayne was left on your bedside table.

"Don't strain yourself. Be back tonight,"

[huggybearhughes43]

Call me?

John Marino x Fem!reader

Summary- John is away for a hockey game against the canes and all he wants to do when he gets back to his hotel room is to call you, his best friend.

Warnings- smut, phone sex, masturbation (m), dirty names, Johnnys sharing a room with someone (😇), itty bitty daddy kink

Words- 1.1k

John had been so busy with his schedule with the NJ Devils that he almost never had time to spend with me. Us two had been best friends since High school then Harvard and were pretty much inseparable since then. Even his twin brother, Paul, considered me family. Today was no different for his lack of time for me. He traveled to Raleigh, North Carolina for a game against the canes. Growing up, I always watched the Canes because that was my family's team but now that I’m so close with John, Itend to only watch the teams that he’s currently on. First the Oilers, then Penguins, and now the Devils. 

Even though I am seven hours away from him at the moment I still turned the game on the tv and watched for John. The game was insanely tight and nerve wracking, going into overtime still 0-0, I knew John would be upset. What made it even worse was the winning goal, the winning goal that the opposing team got. The buzzer going off and sirens going off to let everyone know that the Canes won. I sigh softly and turn off the tv. I pick up my phone and text John to call me when he’s back at the hotel.

I go about my night, laying down for bed, scrolling through my phone in the darkness as I wait for my best friend to call me. I turn on a movie and in about fifteen minutes I hear my phone ring softly. I pause the tv and pick up my phone, my face being softly illuminated by the tv. John looked as if he had just gotten out of the shower, presumably in the bathroom with water dripping out of his curly hair. 

I spoke up first, already knowing how he felt about the game. “Johnny” I smile softly, “I watched the game. You played so well.”. He laughs and shakes his hair then runs his hand through it. He sits his phone on the counter and I become aware that he’s shirtless and just has a towel around his waist. I’m suddenly so glad my face is barely lit up, I knew he couldn't see my face change to a softer red color. “Didn’t play good enough.” he sighs then looks in the mirror, looking disappointed but then he looks at the phone and grabs it, walking out of the bathroom. 

“How was your day, y/n?” he asks in a hush whisper. His face could no longer be seen on facetime, only a dark screen. I just assumed the player he was bunnking with had already gone to bed and he didn’t want to disturb them. I smile softly and start off from the beginning, like John always told me to do. He always wanted to know every detail, boring, exciting, he always wanted to know if I met anyone new or if I saw a pretty sunset. He especially loved hearing about my days when he was away for a game.

“Nothing much, same old same old.” I start off, “I got coffee this morning then went straight to work…” I think for a moment. “Kinley”, my work best friend, “introduced me to her new boyfriend. He was okay I guess, she’s had worse. I got off of work early and went out to eat with my mom at this fancy restaurant down by the coastline.” I smile at the memory, “It was freezing.” I trail off. “I ate those leftovers for dinner and I watched the first two Twilight movies… I’m on the third one now.” I laugh softly. I realize that Johnny has gone quiet but he’s ever this quiet when I talk about my days, he normally comments all through it. 

“Why’d you stop talking?” He asks in a light, breathy voice. I knew something was up and I rolled my eyes. “Thought you got bored of my day.” I smile. “No. K-keep talking.” he tells you and you raise your brows. “I- um, well I mean I watched the game but other than that I didn’t do anything else. You did play well, Though.” “Yeah?” he asks breathlessly. “Yeah.” I responded, “You looked good in that fight too.” I tease and laugh softly. I hear what sounds like a whimper come from his end of the call. “You okay, Johnny?” no response, seconds later he lets out a soft groan. “Johnny?” “Keep talking” he nearly moans out, “Please?”. I finally realize what he’s doing. 

“You could’ve just told me”. Me and John never dated but we were each other's first everything. First kiss, first smoking buddy, first fuck, basically first everything that counts. I sigh and lay back down on my bed. “I could’ve sent you something to help you” I say confidently. “Fuck, y/n… you can’t just make empty promises like that.” He moans, then bites his lip so his roommate doesn’t wake up. “It wasn’t empty… still need help?” “y/n, baby, please be a good girl and help me.” He bites back another moan. “Yes, sir” I say jokingly and set my phone down and pull off my shirt swiftly. I lay back on the bed again but this time I angle the camera so I can show off my bare breasts this time. “Better?” I ask innocently.

He moans out a ‘fuck’ and groans softly. “y/n, baby, I wish I were there to mark those pretty little tits, to cum on them… such a good girl f’me, hm? Like being a good girl for daddy?”. I smirk mischievously, he hasn’t said anything like that since college and it made a pool of wetness form in my panties. “Love being a good girl for you daddy.” I keep my smirk as I move my hand up and squeeze one of my tits, pinching the nipple and rolling it in my finger. “Fuck Johnny,” I whimper, “miss you s’much, wish it were you here doing this f’me.” I slur my words and my lips form into a soft smile as I hear a raspy groan from his end and I knew he was close. “Come on, daddy,” I egg him on, “Cum f’me, pretend you’re cumming in me… god, I wish you were.” I bite my lip and look straight into the camera. 

The flash suddenly comes on his camera, and I get a clear view of his abs twitching as he cums all over his stomach. “Made me make a mess” He huffs teasingly. I laugh softly and readjust the camera as I put my shirt back on then I bring it back to my face as it was at the beginning of the call. “Johnny, baby, get some rest. You gotta travel all the way to Seattle tomorrow.”. He groans in protest, “What about you? There’s no way you aren’t horny right now.” “Guess you’ll have to make it up to me when you come home for the game against the kings, hm?”

~

~

Yall, I kinda ate this one up

[sgiandubh]

Hi sgiandubh! Happy weekend!

Have you seen the clip of the interaction between Sam, John, and Cait at the New York Comic Con photoshoot? It seemed like Sam didn’t like how John was behaving towards Cait and got a bit possessive.😉 Obviously all was well a few minutes later when they walked out on stage for the panel 😊, but it seemed like a purely instinctual reaction by Sam to get a little possessive of her for a second.

You seem to really have a knack for analyzing body language so that’s why I wanted to ask! Thanks for answering!

Dear Interaction Anon,

I am sorry for the delay. I am in the middle of a very busy week: while it is true I took the bulk of my leftover paid leave and I am currently at home, I also have some very important and urgent things to sort out, so it is what it is.

I think you can find some very decent explanations on some other blogs and I also think @the-sassynach did a fabulous job with her more than clear gifs (https://www.tumblr.com/the-sassynach/764677465702645760/lmfao?source=share).

Particularly this one, if you ask me:

You may think of any number of reasons why that photoshoot looked a bit 'off' (jealousy, possessiveness, uxoriousness, being drunk, being sassy, etc). The fact is that despite the 'look relaxed and spontaneous' brief, they managed to show us the exact opposite. They looked tense and fake, completely unlike what they were supposed to do. Why?

Because you can control many things in life, spare Paul Ekman's facial micro expressions. There are 7 of them: happiness, sadness, anger, disgust, contempt, fear, & surprise. And all of these are universal, which means you can't fool anyone on this planet, regardless of the culture the person hails from - they would get the schtick of it immediately. And they are impossible to control, because they express an emotional, immediate response to an outside stimulus, the person might even be completely unaware of.

The most interesting game would perhaps be to see how many of them can you see in @the-sassynach's gifs? Once you do this, boom: the story writes itself.

Here is a very useful breakdown of Ekman's theory, illustrated: https://www.osc.org/microexpressions-universal-language/. I think you, along with many, will find it very useful and perhaps enlightening. And while some might think it's bullshit, let them: reading body language is a core competence in business intelligence, for example. I know what I am saying, because let's say I am no stranger to it.

[factcheckingmclennon]

banana milkshakes in paris: fact or fiction?

"John and I went to Paris on birthday money he received from a relative. He must have been fond of me to spend that money. He let me have all the banana milkshakes I wanted." -Paul McCartney

this quote goes around a lot. so...

did paul mccartney say john "let (him) have all the banana milkshakes (he) wanted?"

rating....

no, this quote is completely fake. however, there IS a real quote about the banana milkshakes. let's get into it!

first let's get into the fake part.

the oldest source of this quote online seems to be this deviantart post from 2011. it's full of other pretty bizarre quotes, including john saying him and paul had sex, and after that it's only turned up on tumblr/other forums. (disclaimer: as it's over 10 years old, i'm linking directly. if you are this user and you want me to take down this link, let me know please! and if you know this user, don't harrass them. it also has a collection of some other quotes that get passed around. i haven't deep dived into any of them, though i do know the quote about sex and love from john IS real as there's video of it, but take a gander and take the rest of these w a huge grain of salt if you see them around as well.)

so the quote itself???

but as for the real quote, it's actually still pretty similar so idk why anyone would make this up honestly. possibly just this user misremembering this quote & paraphrasing without saying they were paraphrasing? anyway.

from a 1987 interview with julia baird (john's sister):

PAUL: We went to Paris – we were supposed to be in Spain, but we couldn’t get past Paris, we enjoyed that so much – on the strength of his hundred quid [given to him] when he was twenty-one. We went hitchhiking. We kind of said, “Well, look, I mean, we can get to Spain on this,” you know, a hundred quid, and he was kind of um… I mean, I don’t think he was funding me as much as he was spending. JULIA: Yeah, yeah. PAUL: And I’d be there for the banana milkshake. [Julia and Paul laugh] You know, I’d just happen to be there while he was spending. I think I kind of paid my own way. But we hitched, we hitched out. And we used – we realised that in – hitching, in those days, was much safer, obviously, than it is to hitchhike now – and we realised that we had to have a bit of a gimmick. So we both had these leather jackets and we had bowlers, we got bowler hats. We thought that’ll take the edge of the kind of hoodie look, you know, that sort of ruffian look, in these bowlers. And you kind of go, “Hey!” and people would stop, you know, because this is just a couple of daft guys in bowler hats, they don’t look like a threat.

(source) (sidenote, yes that source is my blog, but since it's audio, that's something i'm willing to buy from blogs. same with video. there's really nothing too mclennon-y about this audio, so there'd be no reason to go through all that trouble faking it. i just saved it on archive.org for when i inevitably change my url on my main.)

so, did john buy paul banana milkshakes in paris?

(also, quick shoutout to @beatlesbabytrapping for correcting me on this one back on my main! i originally thought it was completely fake but penny came in clutch w this audio)