#i mean a lot of bits are incomplete and there are time jumps bc i like to write different bits depending on my mood

[halojalex]

i should really start working on the chaptered fic i’ve been planning for over two years

[elkian]

An incomplete list of thoughts I have playing Fallout 4 so far:

Whoever decided VATS should default and solely slow time instead of stop time is my enemy and I WILL take them down.

Yes I’m mourning my spouse, child, and entire world BUT this thing has Donkey Kong!

Yes I was by all accounts a soft civilian suburbanite but sure I can just... murder a dude and steal his clothes.

And that doesn’t even go into taking Radroach meat in the Vault, like that’s something a pseudo-50s-housewife-type is gonna do without impetus or comment.

I found a dog GOTY

The dog is my friend GOAT

The laser gun has to be pumped whose idea was this.

After I find the VATS fucker I’m coming for whoever decided Grenades should be Like That.

Sometimes hot keys just straight up don’t work even if I’m standing still. I have to punch them like 3 times to get a result. At least New Vegas is known to be buggy and janky, what excuse is there for this?

Very convenient in fights.

Yeah, this isn’t actually an RPG.

I do like the settlement system but MAN I wish there was some kind of eagle’s-eye view to work with instead of just walking around.

Yes it makes sense for houses in a suburb to be similar or even literally identical but, and I cannot believe I’m saying this, I wish the game had avoided this bit of realism.

It’s all fun and games until you lose your own damn house 5 times.

W...what do you mean fabricated doors can’t fit into the existing house doorways what???

The very first real conversation I had in the game (post-bombing anyways) involved the subtitles failing, and then failing AGAIN when I had to reload bc I messed up.

The way conversations work in this game is like the suburbs thing all over again: yes, it’s more realistic, but that doesn’t mean it actually improves the game.

Sometimes I talk to someone and just straight up get nothing from them.

This is fun when trying to barter.

You know that post about Jurassic World with the T-Rex posing in front of the erupting volcano with music going as a more thematic, dramatic experience that felt superfake? Anyways my level 2 character killed a deathclaw with a minigun after a car exploded.

I don’t hate the Perks-Skills-Leveling system but it’s very strange.

I legitimately tried to keep to the main story bc that was my plan going in but honestly -fucks off into the wasteland-

The difficulty curve is completely incomprehensible so far, sometimes it’ll be bloatflies and roaches and then it’ll be raiders with turrets and absurdly strong grenades with no apparent pattern to the matter.

The mole rats exploding from the ground is kinda cool but it’s also really annoying waiting for them all to pop.

Too much of the settlement system is me going “Why can I THIS but not THAT??”

i wandered into a random shack, killed a bloatfly, and turned around to find a Super Mutant attacking Dogmeat. It’s the only SM I’ve met so far and immediately after we were attacked by... 3 more bloatflies.

No more Super Mutants yet.

I respect the new Feral Ghoul design decisions. I’m not sure I agree, and they’re more unsettling that NV’s in some ways, but I respect it.

You know that post about the skeletons being left around in places frequent even though that would be ridiculous? Yeah one of the only trading posts in the area just has a skeleton chilling 3 feet from the door.

None of these weapons feel good. I like the concept of the modding system and I liked modding but it feels kinda inconsequential when i can get 13 of the same base gun and 4 of the same modded version by killing a pack of Raiders.

The jumping also falls under “more realistic, but worse”

The radstorm and variable weather in general is pretty cool!

This has been p negative so far so here’s a compliment: this is visually improved A LOT. I especially like the level of detail in character creation.

Now back to complaining lol

The game, past the first two or three areas, feels really bad at leading the player anywhere. I basically got tired of the main quest and fucked off to explore pretty quick.

Also: there’s a lot of landmarks close together that... feel like they should interact more?

Hello little farm do you want to talk about the raider corpses over that away? no? hey is this trunk full of *checks pipboy* chems and body parts belong to you? no? even though it’s in clear view of your farm and an area you should theoretically control?

I actually love the little icons for areas on the Pip-boy, it’s a nice touch and generally more helpful than just the flags while not feeling intrusive.

Some of the little animations are pretty great.

Okay but fr who said “you know what this game needs? It needs you to worry about a companion running off and attacking things while you try to use a workbench”

JUST LET ME FREEZE TIME AGAIN, BETHESDA

Ironically, they gave the player-character a voice in a game where I have nothing meaningful to say.

I bartered with someone and left the convo and she cussed me out for ‘wasting her time’ A+ dialogue branching.

A lot of the vistas and locations are pretty damn cool looking.

The sound design hates me personally - by which I mean the sound is directional but not in a way that actually correlates with the game world. I’ve heard raiders talking in my left ear and turned... only to realizing I’m facing an outside wall and there is literally no way anyone is over there.

This is especially noticeable and heinous bc there is some really good music and decent voice lines.

It’s not all bad, but I gotta say... aside from the settlement thing (I WISH NV had the ability to break items down into components, that’s really cool), pretty much no part of this game feels good. Combat feels bad - frantic, I have weight and yet my shooting is super floaty, and the lack of GUI affecting targets makes it much harder for me to spot what I want to shot. I don’t even get a target name without VATS in some situations. The sprint is good, but jumping feels ridiculous. Every conversation makes me want to chew on my arm. I know this isn’t an RPG but that makes the RPG veneer so much worse. It makes me think I can do things that I can’t. And I spend a lot of time asking “why CAN’T I do this?” and “why is this like this?” (that is my most-asked question by far).

Ultimately, it just doesn’t actually feel like an improvement enough anywhere to justify existing. But I’m only 8 hours in so I guess we’ll see.

[phoebehalliwell]

don't know if you answered this before but in what order would you rank the endgame couples - piper/leo, phoebe/coop, paige/henry? very curious

oh hmm i actually have never been asked this!! hmm this is difficult. okay so like. obvi before we begin i must offer a disclaimer here. i am a paragon of bad taste. let’s not forget my entire valentine’s theme was dedicated to prue & jack. we’re starting at rock bottom here. i also love projecting my own idea onto incomplete pieces to fill the gaps. like. like i get how there’s not a lot to love for paige and henry and phoebe and coop but in my lil brain they are all very complex and like fleshed out and i gotta a lotta beliefs. in fact. like. hmm. no i’ve already said i have bad taste like piper/leo are probably gonna sit at the bottom of the list for me just because i cannot craft them how i want bc they’re already solidified in canon. like. idk they’re an adorable couple all that the full nine yards or whatever but like. well for starters they’re not my favorite ship tropes and then on top of that again There’s A Lot Of Canon. and i am a narcissistic diva okay i wanna be able to fill in these gaps. so like. hmm at the top based solely on coupleness and the versions of them that live in my noggin it’s

phoebe/coop bc like hear me out man they’re like the embodiment of love. we’ve been hit over the head so many time how they’re the embodiment of love and like salvation and rebirth and renewal like!! like part of me wishes that we had introduced coop in s5 and given him more skin in the game but also if they fucked up this relationship i would have been so bummed bc it really is. it’s love!! like it is the embodiment of falling in love like phoebe is stone cold right and she’s kind of starting to accept that maybe she just doesn’t get it you know. maybe that’s it. she gets her column and she gets to help people find love and see like piper and leo at peak domesticity and like engage in love, but like, remotely.because it’s not for her. and then here comes this cupid who’s like no i’m gonna find you love which is a cute gesture but like she genuinely doesn’t believe she’s made for love she genuinely doesn’t believe she gets to have love but then you know like. like her eyes get reopened to the world around her yes she engaged with love remotely but she had become so far removed from it that it lost the feeling. she saw it but she saw the individual brushstrokes and then here comes coop and he helps her take a step back and see the painting. and like!!! it’s beautiful. and then of course there’s the added trope of like. falling in love with coop he’s supposed to help you find love and now you know what the hell you’re trying but like. you’re in love with him. but you can’t be but you are. like!! and then on coop’s side you know he’s a cupid he’s been doing this for centuries and his love for humanity is obvious and his love for love is obvious but this is new. and he doesn’t know what it is!! like he knows love obviously but he’s never like you know fallen in love. and he can’t recognize it because he thinks it’s impossible but the next think you know he’s got all those lovesick symptoms he sees in the couples he puts together and oh my god he’s in love with phoebe. and then of course both believe the other won’t reciprocate bc it’s out of the realm of possibility. but then the other does reciprocate!! they also just like. i mean all three couple do but like phoebe and coop maybe the most. seem like the type of people who just kinda get lost in watching their partner work. like when phoebe is having trouble with a letter for her column she like paces and mutters the letter out loud to herself like she’s the one asking it and like bareface in pajamas like a crazy person is just repeating the same thing over and over again and coop’s just fucking in love with her like look at her!! and vice versa i don’t think coop has really spent that much time being human i think he takes absolute delight in small things phoebe has just forgotten about but to see coop’s face light up like at so flea market or something finding something that was undeniably crafted with love like he can feel it imbued in the item and his face just lights up and he wants to tell everyone how like it’s love!! love!! it’s all around us it’s in here can’t you feel it and phoebe just looks at him and remembers how pure love itself is and just how happy she is that you know. this is her life. and she gets to fall asleep and wake up next to this man like hello?? hello??!???! and then i’m gonna go 

paige/henry bc like i feel like they’re criminally underrated again bc we spedrun what should have been a slowburn but they gave me the legos and i will built the death star like. like these are two people who struggle with family and identity so much who have learned against their nature to lean into and grow with one another. like what we see of paige is a woman who loves her independence and loves her freedom and yesh has a complex relationship with family bc she was given up at birth but it didn’t matter because she found a loving family so who needs the ones who gave her up not her but she couldn’t help but wonder but she didn’t care she had her family. until she didn’t. until she was seventeen alone and scared and what are you supposed to do with that?? and let’s not even get started on the fact she only gains her new family through death as well. like. there’s so much there there are so many reasons to stay guarded and fearful and just overall pessimistic about the concept of family especially as something built to last. and then henry!!! who never knew his birth parents and on top of that never got a home like paige paige got a home she got a family who loved her hell she actually got two henry never had that henry always had nothing and like he kinda grew up in that shell said he didn’t want to leave when people started getting close he had to push them away bc he didn’t know who he was if he wasn’t alone and paige is like hey hi?? you wanna be alone so bad be alone but i actually fucking like you and i know you like me too so don’t just push me out because that’s what makes you feel "comfortable” when you know you’re miserable in your comfort. and she’s right but it’s still a hurdle for henry and it’s this push and pull of the tides where bit by bit they kind of have to learn that it’s lonely up on the pedestal of independence and it can actually be nice to be vulnerable with somebody yes it’s fucking terrifying to just like show yourself to someone honestly because like!! they can turn away what if they turn away but to experience the rewards of love we must first subject ourselves to the morifying ordeal of being known. and it’s a painful process for both of them but the fruits of those labors man it’s well fucking worth it and it’s a relationship especially on henry’s side that is plagued with external insecurities other people telling him that he is not cut from the right cloth to be with paige but like. it’s like he’s already torn down his walls to be with her and she’s done the same and he realizes he loves her like He Loves Her like. like!! who gives a fuck what anyone else says he loves paige. and then paige reciprocates omg!!! haha fuck yeah. and then like i also think henry’s just super fuckin corny levels of domestic like makes french toast every sunday and fingerpaints with his kids and is in the dad’s club at the elementary school and just does all the things that he fuckin prayed for as a child  just a constant stable feeling of home of love and like. like!!!! i’m gonna bite someone like. paige&henry man.

piper/leo though as previously established is like Thee charmed couple you know they are there all eight seasons they get points for that but obviously from reading my first two ones i kinda just fill in a lot of gaps there which i am able to do bc each couple probably checks in at 150min of screentime total. piper and leo don’t get that so like i don’t get to do that. and like. the origins of them i just don’t quite get you know which was really just cause it was such a new show and this was a new lil relationship they weren’t sure what they were gonna do with it and then again like issues with canon and the whole whitelighter thing but what i would have loved to see more in the early stages is just like why. like obviously they both found the other cute but we never really got the Moments bc it was all so preferrial and then next thing you know leo’s dying in the attic and piper loves him like i would have loved the in between and a bit more of the internal monologue the jump then fall especially on leo’s part which is like canon’s fault but like. you know like why if he was a whitelighter and knew the rules blah blah blah and it was because the writers didn’t know but like. still you know. and then s2 was bogged down my dan and i just really didn’t care for it that much because like. idk i didn’t love a lot of leo’s vibes early s2 were he was trying to keep it strictly professional and just ended up coming across as weirdly bitter and possessive however i Loved him bonding with dan in pardon my past that was a nice touch. of course later seasons pleo really makes up for the lackluster of the early seasons bc they are just so domestic like they know each others strengths so well and leo loves piper’s cooking and they’re corny n cute and they have their little moment and i do mostly like their relationship therapy bits i like that that was incorporated bc like. it happens man it’s not something to keep taboo it happens. but i do feel like that shit was often resolved too quick and then the same shit dredged up ten minutes later like some one trick pony. i also love how ride or die they are points for that. leo’s like i killed an elder and piper’s like alright. they’re really in it through thick n thin n i respect that

[tirednotflirting]

you're the one to help me get to sleep // maybe i fell in love when you woke me up

oh boy that title looks a lot longer on tumblr than it did on ao3. anyway.

i got stressed out yesterday and finished some fluff bc that’s what we do here at tirednotflirting. forgot to post it here yesterday though so i am doing that Now post-first cup of coffee of the day and halfway through the french toast i made. 

random side not but i’ve been listening to my time capsule playlist on spotify and i highly rec checking yours out bc this is So Fun.

here is this on ao3 if you wanna read there.

The sun is just beginning to set over LA and Alex is in love.

The day had been long but good. One of those California summer days that stretched on long enough that it made him wonder if the sun would ever start heading toward its resting place below the horizon. Warm but not hot, the slight breeze allowing them to spend the afternoon writing outside instead of stuck up in the studio. 

He’s out on the balcony now, already changed into pajama pants since they decided they would stay in for the night, and a glass of wine dangles between his fingers in between sips. The city is somehow quiet from his spot above it though he can tell it must be loud from all the activity he can see on the street. It’s nice, Alex thinks, to find peace among the blaring white noise of Los Angeles. Today had been his last full day in the city, his flight back to the farm and his furry friends sometime in the early afternoon. He has his boarding pass loaded onto his phone and could easily wander back inside to find his phone and triple check the time so he could make note of when they need to be up in the morning but he’s not quite ready to start thinking about how he has to leave again yet. 

Jack would also just immediately kick him back out to his current spot if he tried heading inside right now anyway. Over coffee that morning Jack had declared he would be making dinner for Alex’s last night (It’s romantic, Al, and I only have one more night to romance the fuck out of you). At the time Alex had assumed it was the still half-asleep side of Jack speaking but when Alex arrived back at the apartment after spending part of the afternoon writing, he’d been handed the glass of wine currently resting in his hand and ushered to the balcony door by an apron-clad Jack. 

It was rare for Alex to feel this much peace on his last day of a trip to see Jack. Usually there was some element of sadness or anxiety over the impending time apart until more band things or another trip to either coast. But as he tips back the last of his wine and stares back out toward the last bits of light in the city sky, all Alex can feel is a fullness in his chest. 

He decides he’s going to want more wine with dinner and given the time, he figures Jack must be close to finishing things up. Alex pulls himself up and pushes the sliding door open to call out toward the kitchen. 

“Jack, babe, am I allowed into the kitchen for more wine?”

Jack’s head pokes out from the kitchen with a pout on his lips. “Five more minutes, Alex. You have to give a chef space to work.”

“Bring me the bottle then, please,” Alex says in his sweetest voice, his lashes fluttering. He can see Jack’s dramatic eye roll from where he leans against the door frame before he steps back into the kitchen, emerging a few seconds later with the bottle of white he had poured for Alex earlier.

“Here you go, you lush,” Jack says while passing over the bottle once he’s close enough. Before he has a chance to step away, Alex pulls at the front of his apron to briefly press their lips together. Jack drops a hand to the bottom of Alex’s back to hold him close, his fingers pressing into his skin through his t-shirt. 

“I like the apron. It’s cute.” Alex compliments as he smoothes out the wrinkles in the fabric.

Jack’s hand runs up and down Alex’s spine as he hums. It’s an action that mimics the way Jack had been waking him up most days, and a lazy smile pulls at Alex’s lips at the memory of the fond moment. “Thank you,” Jack muses. “I only wore it because I figured you would think that, so it’s nice to know I was right.”

Alex laughs. “You wore something just because you thought I might find it cute?”

“I like being told I’m a cute boy. Sue me,” Jack says, his hand wrapping more securely around Alex’s waist. “Now go back out. I’m just putting things into bowls, I’ll be out in a second, handsome.”

Alex feels himself blush as Jack leans forward to press his lips to Alex’s temple before spinning on his heel and heading back toward the kitchen. As he steps back outside, Alex can’t help but hope that they never leave this phase of their relationship. This not quite honeymoon but not quite settled phase, where they’re so damn comfortable being with each other (in a way Alex used to spend hours awake at night worrying they would never find the path to) but compliments like the one Jack’s just thrown his way still make him blush. It’s a nice spot to be in for now, he thinks.

He pulls the cork from the wine and gives himself another generous pour before leaving the bottle in the middle of the table they’re meant to be eating at. The sky is just fading into dusk, the city draped in a blanket of purples and blues when the light above him clicks on. Alex turns from his spot to find Jack sliding the door open mostly with his foot, two bowls somewhat precariously balanced in each of his hands. Alex jumps up and ignores Jack’s whines as he takes the bowls from him and wanders back to set them on the table while Jack jogs back through the apartment to return with plates and silverware and another wine glass.

“Alright so if this sucks, we’re blaming my mom because she basically walked me through the whole thing step by step,” Jack says once they’re back at the table while he pours wine into his own glass. “Also the caprese salad was her idea since I wasn’t feeling leafy but I feel like romantic dinner date is incomplete without salad.”

“You called your mom to have her walk you through a recipe?” Alex smiles as he lets his head drop to rest in the palm of his hand while he watches Jack spoon some kind of pasta onto the two plates.

“Listen, you know I’m helpless in a kitchen,” Jack says while pushing one of the plates in Alex’s direction. “And it’s your last night here and I wanted to do something nice for you, damn it.”

“That’s very cute,” Alex replies before taking another sip from his wine glass. “You’re very cute.”

“You already told me I was cute. You gotta get more creative with your adjectives, Mr Songwriter.”

Alex shakes his head in mock protest. “I said the apron was cute before, not you.” Jack scowls at him while gently kicking his ankle. “Hush, I knew what you meant.” A smile pulls at Alex’s lips when he notices how Jack leaves their feet all tangled up together under the table after the kick. It’s silly, he knows, to get all blushy over such a simple, nonchalant action but he can’t help it.

Jack points his fork across the table at Alex after taking a bite. “Also my mom said to call her when you get back. She wants to catch up and probably bug you again about when you’re going to propose.”

Alex laughs brightly. “Well my mom was asking that I get you to Facetime her when you’ve got some free time likely for the exact same conversation.” He gestures down to his plate with a nod. “This really does not suck, by the way.”

“Our mothers really ought to be more strategic in their approach on this,” Jack says while shaking his head. “I mean it’s completely impractical that we both propose. And thank you, I try.”

“I think they figure if they double the effort they have a greater chance of success or something.”

“Fair enough, I suppose.”

The banter back and forth over their meal continues well into the night. After a while, Alex insists on clearing the table and taking things inside. He quickly cleans the dishes before grabbing another bottle of wine from the fridge and clean glasses and heading back out. Jack has moved over to the couch he keeps out there and has a blanket pulled over his bare legs, the nighttime breeze dropping the temperature enough to call it a cool night. Alex fills their glasses and leaves the bottle on the table before wandering over to where Jack has decided to lounge. 

“For you, sir,” Alex announces while handing over one of the glasses. He takes a seat next Jack, scooting closer to his side to steal some of the blanket and drops his head to rest against Jack’s chest.

Jack hums his thanks as he takes a sip and wraps an arm around Alex’s shoulders. His fingers immediately move to play with the sleeve of his t-shirt as he sighs. “Is it selfish to ask you to cancel your flight and stay longer?” 

“Not selfish but also not really a possibility, my love,” Alex says while tilting his head up to press his lips to Jack’s jaw. “I’ve got animal friends to attend to and you’ve got that trip out to see Zack to pack for.”

“Mmm, yeah you’re right,” Jack says while swirling the wine in his glass. “The goats and Zack need cuddles too, I guess.”

“Exactly.” Alex sighs as he lifts his shoulder, asking Jack a silent question that he thankfully knows the answer to. Jack drops his hand to rest in his lap and Alex reaches over for it, his fingers slipping into the spaces between Jack’s and squeezing to press their palms together. He smiles lazily at the action. It’s the little things about time with Jack that stick in his brain when they’re apart. The weight of Jack’s hand in his own, the steady sound of his heartbeat below Alex’s ear, the tapping of Jack’s foot against the ground since even in the quiet, still moments Jack has to find a way to expel the extra energy he always seems to possess. It’s all so familiar and warm. Alex isn’t sure what life would be like without the small details that make up them.

He isn’t sure how long they sit there, sipping and resting against each other while staring out at the light polluted LA night sky. Long enough that Jack eventually lets out a yawn that breaks Alex out of the daze he’d fallen into, the gentle rising and falling of Jack’s chest beneath his head acting as a lullaby of sorts.

“Bedtime?” Alex asks with a gentle laugh. He lets their hands fall apart in favor of moving to cup Jack’s jaw. His thumb runs across the top of his cheek, just below his sleepy eyes. 

“Think so, yeah,” Jack slurs his words slightly as he leans into Alex’s touch. “Don’t you need to pack? We’ll probably need to head out at like eleven since your flight is at one.”

And of course Jack remembers what time his flight is at when Alex hasn’t bothered to check all night. He’s always taking care of him in the little ways. In the ways that Alex didn’t realize he needed taking care of, really. 

Alex moves to stand and smiles at Jack’s pout when he reaches to pull him up with him. “I can pack in the morning. Right now I just want to cuddle my boy.”

Jack grins at his words and rises without any more protest. They gather the glasses and shuffle back inside. Jack steals them away from Alex once they reach the stairs and gestures for him to head upstairs while he goes in the direction of the kitchen. Alex pouts at the action and leans against the railing to wait for Jack to round the corner again. 

Jack jumps a bit when he finds Alex in the same spot he left him. “And you thought I was a sleepy boy?” Jack laughs, something warm and soft behind his gaze. Jack takes a couple steps up, his hand reaching back to loosely link with Alex’s to guide them upstairs.

They get ready for bed quickly despite the half asleep state they both drifted into and soon enough Alex is crawling beneath wrinkled sheets. He’s just barely plugged his phone into the charger when a pair of arms pull him toward the center of the bed. 

“How are you always so warm?” Jack mumbles into the back of Alex’s hair as his arms wrap more fully around Alex’s middle. He turns in his arms and Jack settles against his chest. “Not that I’m complaining since it’s freezing in here. But still.”

Alex laughs as he tries to keep his eyes open while Jack nuzzles his cool nose against his collarbone. He reaches a hand up to thread into the hair at the back of Jack’s neck. “Somebody’s got to keep you warm.”

“I’m glad it’s you,” Jack mumbles almost incoherently. Alex waits for him to say more as he continues drawing short patterns through Jack’s hair but he only softly hums and nestles further against his chest.

Alex is moments away from falling falling falling to a peaceful rest when Jack’s hand settles against the bottom of his back beneath the sweatshirt he stole from his closet, the extra layer of Jack’s familiar scent providing some additional security on his last night in this bed. Alex feels Jack’s sleep steady breath puff against his neck and in his final moments of consciousness, all he can think is Jack Jack Jack. His gentle laugh and warm gaze fills Alex’s mind as he lets his eyes finally flutter shut.

And maybe that’s what love is, falling asleep already in a dream.

*

It’s pouring down rain in Maryland and Jack is in love. 

He’s only just woken up, his mind still cloudy from sleep and his eyes still locked shut. Jack isn’t sure what time it is but given that he’s rising naturally and not from an alarm or kisses being pressed against his cheeks, he assumes it must be pretty late into the morning hours. 

It’s his first morning on this visit out to the farm. His flight the previous night had gotten in before dinner so Alex had declared it date night (Is every night we’re together not date night, Alex? Romance mode 24/7, baby.) and insisted they stop at the store for ingredients before heading back to the house. Once they were at the farm, they tended to the animals (or Alex did while Jack sat on the floor and let the goats chew on his hoodie strings) before heading back inside where Jack sat at the counter and told Alex stories about his airport adventures while watching him cook. They had tried to start a movie after food but Jack kept falling asleep every few minutes with his head in Alex’s lap so it wasn’t long before he was being pulled in the direction of the bedroom.

He sighs as the last moments of sleep drift off and he settles back into the land of the living. He’s yet to open his eyes in case the sun is peeking in anywhere in the room since he knows he’s not yet awake enough for true daylight. Two thoughts enter his mind almost immediately though: it’s cold as hell and there’s coffee brewing in the kitchen. Both of these things are a result of a third thing that Jack notices and it’s that Alex has left him alone in bed.

Jack would get whiny about the third thing but he knows that given where they are it would be pretty selfish of him. Mornings at the farm are loaded with more responsibilities than mornings in LA, and Jack knows the animal friends deserve breakfast and Alex’s bright, sleepy smile just as much as he does. Plus, his boy did make him coffee. 

Jack takes a deep breath and catches the scent of dark roast mixed in with the scent of Alex (his cologne and the same laundry detergent he’s used since his mom would pack it for him on their early tours) before finally pushing himself up from the mattress and opening his eyes. The room is thankfully still dark since Alex left the curtains closed for him but he can hear the rain beating down against the windows even through the heavy fabric. Jack pouts then, suddenly worried about Alex having to wander around out in the January rain by himself. 

He finds a hoodie and the slippers his mom gifted him for Christmas a few weeks earlier on the floor beside the bed and pulls both on before shuffling from the bedroom. Jack immediately pulls at the sleeves to cover his hands and considers going back to the bedroom to steal a shirt to throw on underneath the hoodie but the coffee hits his nose again and he continues in the direction of the kitchen.

The only light on in the room is the one over the sink and because of the rain, the kitchen remains pretty dark despite the clock on the microwave reading that it’s a little bit past ten. Jack wanders through the room to the drying rack by the sink to get his mug (the one he found in some little thrift store somewhere in Texas with the painted butterflies) before turning back to the island. He fills the mug from the mostly full French press that must have been made pretty recently, Jack thinks, as he burns his tongue a little on his first sip. Fresh coffee means that Alex has already been out to the stalls for the morning so Jack turns then, having a good feeling about where Alex may have wandered off to, and lets his hip rest against the edge of the counter.

From where he stands leaning against the kitchen island, Jack can see Alex’s head poking out from the back of the couch out on the front porch. He’s got a blue beanie pulled over his head and Jack can see his hands cupped around a mug and he can see the steam rising against Alex’s face. He pulls his phone from his pocket to check the temperature and rolls his eyes at the number shown on the screen but it doesn’t stop him from lifting his own mug to head in the direction of the front door.

Alex looks over in his direction as Jack pushes the door closed behind him to join Alex out in the cold morning air. The rain had settled mostly and a thick fog blankets over the property, the trees at the end of the road and pasture just barely visible. A soft smile pulls at Alex’s lips as he pats the cushion beside him. Jack returns the grin as he takes in the crinkles beside his boy’s tired eyes. Sometimes Jack forgets they’re getting older but then notices a gray hair when he’s looking in the mirror while brushing his teeth or notices Alex’s laughter lines deepening ever so slightly and it reminds him just how long they’ve been on these wild adventures together.

He takes the spot beside Alex and pulls the blanket he’s got covering his lap over his own before letting his head drop to rest against Alex’s shoulder. Jack turns to press his cold nose against Alex’s neck and smiles when he hears a soft whine in response to the action.

“Why are we having our coffee outside when it’s nearly freezing out?” Jack mumbles against Alex’s skin. He feels a hand reach up to card through his bed head and smiles at the feeling.

“You’ve been in California too long,” Alex teases. “We would have been calling this a warm morning back in the day.”

“Jesus, are we really old enough for things to be back in the day now?”

“We’re definitely getting there, love.” Alex laughs before pausing to take a sip from his mug. “Anyway, I finished up feeding everybody and wanted to keep listening to the rain.”

Jack figures that’s a fair enough answer (at least coming from Alex) so they sit in silence for a little while. They sip from their respective mugs and Jack cuddles impossibly closer to Alex for warmth as he searches for patterns in the sound of the rain against the roof. Jack notices the shapes Alex has been drawing through his hair change suddenly and he sits up a bit to see his face and pouts at the expression he’s met with.

“What are you thinking so hard about, huh?” Jack asks as he reaches a hand up to rub away the lines across Alex’s forehead. “Is everything okay?”

“Do you want to move in together?” Alex asks in a somewhat rushed voice while his hands pull at the ends of his sleeves. “Like here? On the farm?”

Jack’s hand falls from Alex’s forehead to cup his cheek. “What?”

“I mean, you should probably keep the place in LA since we’re over there enough for work stuff. And I’ve just been thinking that this feels like a good place to settle down and,” he pauses to take a breath and looks up to meet Jack’s gaze. “And I don’t know if I’m moving too fast but I want to settle down with you.”

“Al, I’ve known you for like, half my life. We’re not exactly operating on a normal relationship timeline here. I’d love to move in,” Jack says into the space between them and he can’t help but lean forward to brush their lips together when Alex’s eyes widen. “Though you’re going to have to teach me how to actually be helpful around this place rather than just sit and look cute while petting the goats.”

“Having someone to sit and look cute with the goats is an essential part of farm maintenance, Jack. Don’t sell yourself short,” Alex says while reaching to cover the hand Jack still has against his cheek. “But don’t worry. We’ll teach you to be a proper farm boy. Get you some boots and everything.”

“I want a cowboy hat, too. But sounds perfect.” Jack says before leaning in to press their lips together again. Alex pulls him closer and Jack feels himself smile into the kiss. Alex’s warmth almost makes him forget about the cold winter air surrounding them and his mind is flooded with the thought of a future where everyday is spent with the eternal summer’s day that is Alex Gaskarth.

Alex pulls away first and a giggle leaves his lips as Jack whines at him. “Guess we should go ahead and actually get the day started then?”

“Has to happen eventually, I suppose.” Jack sighs as he sinks further into the couch. 

Alex laughs as he stands up, his hand reaching down to link their hands together. “Come on. We’ve got brunch with the mothers in an hour and now we’ve got good news to share with them. Moms love good news.”

Jack allows himself to be pulled up from the couch and in the direction of the front door. He leans against the wood once they’re back inside and pulls Alex into his hold while his arms move to hang over his shoulders. “We smell like farm and wet dog. And since we’re going to be sharing a home now, I think it only makes sense that we try to conserve resources. What do you think?”

Alex rolls his eyes and slides his hands up to rest against Jack’s chest. “Thank you for the invitation but I figured I would make up another pot of coffee for us while you go get ready?”

“What did I do to deserve you?”

“I keep asking myself the same thing.”

With a final press of his lips to Jack’s cheek, Alex heads off to make the promised coffee. Jack watches him head into the kitchen from where he stands in the front hall. He sees Alex leave the mugs on the island in favor of pulling his phone out to connect to the speaker next to the sink and a second later a song starts playing that immediately has him bouncing on his toes as he fills the kettle from the sink. Jack smiles as he leans against the frame into the dining room while he watches Alex dance around and softly sing while scooping new coffee grounds. He turns then and Jack is caught as Alex smiles and winks in his direction, a mouthed Go while pointing in the direction of the bedroom being his parting gift. 

Jack blows a kiss and starts making his way down the front hall to the stairs. He pauses for a moment at the table where Alex had left a mess of different holiday cards he’d received throughout the season. Bright colors and happy smiles meet Jack’s eyes as he spots friends and their families and pets. He sighs and continues down the hall after a moment, wondering if maybe they could get the goats to sit still long enough for a holiday card sometime next fall. It’s a swirling, dreamy thought, but he spends the rest of the morning stuck on the idea of seeing their smiling faces and well wishes mixed into their loved ones’ piles of cards.

And maybe that’s what love is, waking up to the beginning of another dream.

*

[kuronekonerochan]

The laziest compilation of thoughts about the mess that was Alice (spoilers)

I finish a lot of shitty dramas. Like a lot. I could review them, but I won’t bc there’s too many and I’m too lazy (when you ff some dramas from 45min to 5 per episode it doesn’t really count as watching too many dramas bc it’s really a commercial break, lol). Some I watch for the so bad it’s good content, or love hate watching or just to have something to watch while I eat, even if they’re boring af. It’s also a tiny bit of ocd bc I need to see how they end (even the ones I drop I check out the finale). I only drop the ones that as Marie Kondo says *Do Not Spark Joy, more specifically...annoy me and make me cranky.

I sometimes bitch about it on DMs with ranty spoilers without structure and that reference other unrelated dramas or shows, because ADHD and my mind refuses to stay on topic, which would make it probably unintelligible except if you are in the niche who happens to have watched the other unrelated dramas, so it’s probably useless as a review.

That said, here are some random disconnected thoughts about Alice.

MAJOR SPOILER ALERTS BEWARE

(this is like partly copypaste of DM rants bc I am that lazy biatch. Also, fair warning I will seem super harsh or this drama because that’s the thing about a bitching dm versus a proper review... I am not bringing up all the points and talking about the good and what I liked as well as the bad, it’s just the bad...and although the drama is imo a mess, it does have some good in it. So if it were a review I’d always argue pros and cons...ranty thoughs who cares about pros? boring..I will not be bothered with devil’s advocate).

This was fascinating to watch, interesting but not good... but like a trainwreck.

I continued watching this mess despite the headache inducing convoluted plot (I watched a lot of timetravel stuff and I love it...encompassing all the theories about it, from butterfly effect, to effectively changing the future (with characters forgetting it or keeping it in memory because “eye of the storm” theory, the “efforts are futile and you can try to change it but the future is set in stone”, to “small changes can be made but big events are fixed points in time”, to “every change creates a new time line” and multiverse, etc... and trust me, all of them can be done well when well written or turn out a confusing illogical mess and that has nothing to do with the theory chosen, but with presenting how time travel works for that story and what the basic rules are and sticking to them...or when something happens that contradicts them, come up with an explanation as to why that happens.

 I don’t mean the drama should be an exposition borefest with too much pseudosciency jargon...but this drama gives you too little in the way of rules and the viewers sort of figure out how timetravel works (which is not bad per se, huge fan of show don’t tell...but there’s a limit to how much they cannot tell or the characters chose not to ask just for the sake of plot and not without any logic to it). Anyways, the little “rules” that we gather along the way...the writing doesn’t stick to them and keeps contradicting itself without addressing or explaining it and hoping we’re so confused we don’t notice. Some dramas you just say “eh, forget it, it doesn’t make sense, let’s turn off our brains and enjoy it”, but here if I wanted to try and follow what was going on at all it required “brain on” mode for their convoluted plot twists...which also made me aware of so may plotholes the time road should have looked like Swiss Cheese. I could go into them...but I cannot be bothered and the list would be extensive and still incomplete, so I will just put 3 here bc I can’t help it:

 1) Hot Daddy with emotional turmoil the entire drama of “Oh no, I abandoned her in 92 and regretted it, it happened 1 year ago for me, and now I find out she died in 2010. How was she, did she suffer? What did she know? Oh god, if only I were a time traveler eventually going rogue who could show up and talk to her any time in the timeline between 92 and 2010...Alas, I have to live in misery with the consequences of my actions...there is just ABSOLUTELY no way of solving this. I guess I’ll just keep making unauthorized time travel journeys from 2050′s time agency back to the year of 2020 and only 2020 to constantly be blindsided by murder attempts on everyone everywhere without having a clue to what’s going on when I could simply go back to before 2010 and talk to the one person who is proven to know what is going on.” Here is where there could be a bullshit reason as to why he could go only go to 2020 and not before, but the drama didn’t even bother.

 2) They say Tae Yi’s mom was originally a time traveler who settled with her physicist dad in the past, eventually making way for her to discover time travel herself. The mom is missing and this is never addressed again. 

3) The book...who wrote it? Because I have guesses but they never outright answer it... and if the biatch author knew that stuff why the alice in wonderland stupid analogies?

 Coward, or petty, or both.... or maybe just a chaos gremlin godlike entity who wanted to watch them all squirm, like the author from Extraordinary You...and that I could get behind, but sadly they don’t go that metaphysical/theological with the plot...which is honestly the main problem with this drama. It seems ambitious in concept but it’s never explored decently in any way, not in the pseudoscience, not in the philosophical sense of the meaning of time/space/existence, not even in its relationships, with the constant back and forth and weirdness of it.

Besides the timetravel migraine, we had the weirdest directing, that made the relationship between the leads feel a bit too incesty...which was the main reason I kept watching this drama...morbid curiosity of how they wrapped up this mess of a plot AND especially the relationship payoff...would it keep being weird with trope romance drama scenes like the female lead and second female lead facing off and being jealous, or that weird hair washing that felt more sensual than maternal? I knew it wouldn’t happen but my inner chaos gremlin wanted kdramaland to grow some balls and go full “predestination: oedipus edition” with this mess. Alas they sort of did, mostly didn’t. Even that angle was a whole inconsistent mess: there were times where it felt too romantic, then for a short minute I misguidedly shipped the journalist friend, then it seemed the dude was ace, then they calmed their tits with the whole weird romantic vibes and it got platonic cute, then with the memory merge thing finally motherly vibes, then I shipped the journalist again for 1 sec only...and then the ending:

Alice ended with the lead solving every problem by shooting himself (technically) in the head...and that's the second meta perfectly fitting ending for a drama with a good cast and terrible writing that drove itself into a corner this year, after the sleepless princess ended with the leads jumping off a cliff. I don't think it's a self aware choice of the writers, or an admission that they themselves know it was bad, but the irony is delicious.

Spoiler for the ending: he undoes timey wimey stuff from when his mom first got killed in high school and closed the time travel door. So he became an architect and new Tae Yi just woke up in her bed remembering everything, but in reality she had just come back from a conference abroad and had never met him. So mom TaeYi didn't die then, but never got back on screen after the time undo so who the f knows what happened to her. 

Also, if new Tae Yi remembers, does that mean hot daddy from the future does as well, but he is just stuck in the future without a time door to ever see them again? The drama doesn’t care answering that and forgets his character is even a thing...I will miss you, my fave who looked emotionally and literally constipated 24/7 (it doesn’t care answering much at all tbf... a little known fact about the time travel paradoxes according to the physics of this world is that besides doppelganger chickenpox it induces severe lazy writing).

Anyways new Tae Yi went looking for architect (? okay...I guess) ML after she woke up, at first he didn't remember her, but it ends with him meeting her, apparently remembering her and they stare at each other... you know, like any bad traditional romantic kdrama finale....so there is still THAT vibe. 

Honestly, the usual romantic ballad score for scenes between the leads WAS NOT the most intelligent choice for this drama in specific but boy did they stick with it (not to mention the ending song... that goes, in english “we be like Bonnie and Clyde we ride or die...which...k, sure)...so technically the ending was exactly the cliche post amnesia running back to each other and staring for the final scene while romantic music blasts trope. Take it as you will.

[learnbywords]

The Bold | Sapiens: A Brief History of Humankind

It’s a bold move for Yuval Noah Harari to write a synopsis of all sapiens history. He starts with a timeline of all history, even before humans existed. I would’ve liked to highlight some of those events, but how do you choose important events reaching back to 13,800,000,000 years ago? The timeline begins at the Big Bang, the point at which the Newtonian laws of physics makes its first steps. I knew the age of the universe before reading this book, but it’s still awe-inspiring when I consider it. Homo Sapiens is the scientific term for our own species (I’m assuming only Homo Sapiens are reading this), but the author points out that human refers to all species under the genus Homo. Other human species are Homo Erectus, Homo Neanderthalensis, and Homo Australopithecus. Harari focuses on the only species that aren’t extinct, Homo Sapiens.

This isn’t a book summary. I’d want people to try to read it on their own. I feel that doing a summary would stifle that goal. This post is just about the thoughts that this book inspired.

Creatio ex nihilo:

There’s this Latin phrase we have in Christian circles: Creatio ex nihilo. It means creation out of nothing. It refers to God creating the universe out of void. The idea gets ridiculed a lot, but I think there’s something to it.

The book talks a lot about language. It points out that Homo Sapiens became dominant on earth because of complex language. Many animals have a simple language: apes have calls to warn others of predators, ants use chemicals to direct others to food, and birds sing to find mates during spring. But our complex language allows us to do more; we can share imaginations together. People around the world can unite around common ideas like religion, human rights, nations, and even sports teams. I’d have a hard time having a productive friendship with someone on the other side of the world, but we can work towards a goal if we share a common idea.

I brought up Creatio ex nihilo because, like the Christian God, humans use language to create. God speaks the universe into existence. He says, “Let there be light,” and there is. Of course, humans create things like religion, economics, and psychology with language, but I think we also create things within ourselves. There’s an old memory that shows itself in my mind often. My mom is driving us to a Burger King to pick up food. We order and wait in the car. She tells me to go inside to get the food once it’s prepared. I do just that, bring the food back into the car, and crumble into tears. She asks me what’s wrong, but I can only express myself through raw emotion. It’s not that I didn’t know why, but I had no words for it.

I was sensitive to the way that my mom spoke to me. Her words felt harsh and took me by surprise. I was fine right before this event. I was comfortable and doing my own thing, and my mom’s words punched me right in the gut. It hurt me. She didn’t mean for it to, but it did.

Language defogged that memory and made it refined and new. Words helped me to categorize, reason, and discern to create a memory that I could understand so that it’s no longer baggage on me. When God speaks, he creates material worlds. When we speak, we create worlds within our own conscience. That childhood memory became a bit more real to me when I used language to explain it. Creatio ex nihilo.

Admitting Ignorance:

Have you ever thought about what maps looked like before anyone had travelled across the world? They were actually… full! Before the 1500s, not one person had made a trip across earth, but people still thought they knew what all the earth looked like. The direct surroundings were drawn well, but if any navigator used these world maps for long-distance travel, they’d get lost faster than Gen Z’ers would without GPS. One of the most insightful things Harari points out is that the scientific revolution was sparked by an admission of ignorance about the universe. Humans said, “we don’t know everything,” and accepted that they could be proven wrong. That admission swung open the door to knowing more.

Welcoming our blindness led to unbelievable leaps in humanity. If a peasant living in 1000 AD time-travelled 500 years into the future to 1500 AD, he’d feel the world is still familiar. If he jumped ahead another 500 years to 2000 AD, he might have a heart-attack from seeing metal boxes on wheels, moving lights on a hand-held rectangle, and how needlessly fancy brunch and coffee are. Here are some more examples Harari uses to put our world into perspective of the not-so-distant past:

A single battleship today could eradicate all the navies of the world during Columbus’ time.

A small flash drive could hold all the scriptures in every medieval library.

A large bank contains more money than the wealth of all premodern kingdoms put together.

We’ve come a long a way only because we recognized how behind we were. We’ve got to know that we’re dumb to get smarter. I’m sure we could all use a healthy dose of honesty by admitting we don’t know the world as well as we think we do.

How to View Sin

This section might get more flak than the previous ones, but it connects with the Admitting Ignorance theme. People discovered that human knowledge was limited. With that discovery came a yearning to learn of what we didn’t know. If we have an incomplete map, wouldn’t you want to adventure to complete it? The thought reminds me of the Zelda: Breath of the Wild. You start the game with this map:

You eventually want to get to this:

(The red outline marks that map that you start with).

There’s a desire to dive into the unknown parts of the map. However, the real world is not as black and white as Zelda’s world. Instead of harming goblins and Ganon, people often harmed each other in the process of exploration. Imperialism and conquest. These aren’t fun words today. They’re sin in today’s world (which is right to a certain extent). But the results of these sins aren’t all bad.

The Indus Valley civilization is one of the earliest human civilizations that we know of. Evidence tells us that it existed from about 3300 BC to 1300 BC (a whopping 2000 years!) and was located around northwestern India and eastern Pakistan. The remnants of these people were first discovered around the 1920s. Will anyone debate that this isn’t a wonderful discovery? Is it not a good thing that we know more about human history from this ancient culture? Of course, it’s good! The thing is no one cared much for the Indus Valley ruins until British rule came to India. None of the Indian rulers or sultans of ages past had records of what the Indus Valley civilization was. The people who lived there would pass by the relics regularly but pay them no mind. It was a Brit who took an interest in Indian history and started the Archaeological Survey of India. That led to the research and preservation of the Indus Valley civilization artifacts. In this case, imperialism and conquest partook in the unearthing and conservation of this extinct culture.

Is there right and wrong? I’m certain the world would be worse if there weren’t, but life is complicated. Right and wrong must be clear and defined. At the same time, individual humans aren’t clear and defined. Bad actions can lead to good things, and good actions can lead to bad things. I’m sure we can all think of a bad experience that made us stronger people. Sin is always bad. People are always a combination of good and bad. I don’t think we should accept the bad actions people do. However, I do think we should try to understand why people do them and what results from them.

Conclusion – 2021

I started working on this essay way before the end of 2020, and I started reading Sapiens: A Brief History of Humankind waaaaay before that. I didn’t intend on writing this at the end of the year, but here we are. All in all, this book made the world seem bigger and my own time feel shorter. For me, that means taking on a humbler position going into 2021. What does it mean for you?

[comradeocean]

I haven't read Arya x Gendry in like ... 6 years. I caught up a bit this week. Here are some I really like! 

[30 some fic recs after the jump]

post 8x01 Arya keeps looking for reasons to visit Gendry in the forge. - mmh post episode askbox fic

Somewhere to Begin, MissAtomicBomb (mrs_nerimon) The Stark sisters share a moment in the wake of some impactful reunions. - lmao my most frequently used GoT tag was "westeROS" (remember Ros???) followed by "Stark famly dynamics." So Stark sisters hashing things out... my kryptonite

Beautiful & Deadly Sharp, vlaurie17 Learning to fight with a sword were some of Arya's best memories. Sansa, however, was hesitant. “What do I do with it?” “Stick ‘em with the pointy end,” Arya smirked. Sansa just rolled her eyes, “Obviously." - also Stark sisters revisiting being Vengeance-made-girls together and practising to knife someone

I'll sing for you, Ravenclawpride06 Set post 8x1. Gendry wants it bad. Arya wants it worse. Was going to more explicit but I left it vague, felt it fit better in the end. All the pining! - I’m soft for the pining

This is my wish, crazychipmink "As he studied the drawing she had given him, he slowly began to let himself believe that she was real and alive and well. He had thought about Arya so many times that the memory of her was worn in his mind. Fragile and faded, like a piece of parchment that had been read too many times. To tell the truth, sometimes, he couldn’t even remember what she looked like, only that she was the only thing he ever wanted, ever wished for.” - season 8 episode companion fic series - ao3 tag: weapons design processes are long and require many iterations - “Davos assumed he was waiting to play his part in the great war to come, but in reality, Gendry was waiting for the next remarkable thing to happen to him. Perhaps if enough remarkable things happened to him, he would finally let himself believe that the most remarkable thing that had ever happened to him had happened.” wow ok

Who are you waiting for? crazychipmink [incomplete] "She had Arya’s face and Arya’s voice and even Arya’s smile. But despite all that, he felt like he had just spoken to a ghost. An unnatural ghost of Arya, pretending to be the girl he was in love with. Gendry had traveled to the end of the world to find her, but now that he finally had, she was gone." - the angst universe evil twin version of the fic above - we will take it bc we love to suffer - and also bc the author promises "fluff" and "eventual romance" ok sounds real but ok

the thing with feathers, yanak324 If anyone is capable of bringing the old Arya back, it’s this man in front of her, which is precisely why she must walk away. - a more (immediately) optimistic read of how Arya's in episode enactments of being No One might have gone

and in the end, jeeno2 [incomplete] Five times Gendry Waters is an idiot and the one time he figures things out. - Gendry being dumb is kind of a thing and I'm not always the biggest fan of how it plays out in fanon but this is sweet!

 The She-Wolves of Winterfell, vixleonard The pack survived. So has the Stark habit of keeping secrets. - 2nd generation Stark girls. Arya's daughter matter-of-factly saying "Stark women don't get married" - a whole ass mood.

Mid-Battle, Mary_West Sandor has something important to say to Gendry - if only Gendry can live long enough to hear it.

season 8 AU My Lady sanctuary_for_all Gendry and Arya find each other again. (AKA the plotline Gendry deserved in 7X07) - fic convention I am 100% here for: Arya scrabbling around Gendry's face looking for the seam. fic convention I am 100000% here for: Arya throwing off her glove in order to do so and then holding her hands against his cheek

Nights are for You (or Five Times Arya Visits Gendry in the Forge and One Time Gendry Visits Arya in the Castle) ASwornStark She hasn’t visited the forge since Jon returned home with the dragon bitch (the Stark sisters’ favored name for her) and him in tow. - reunion fic

season 7 Before We Jump, MissAtomicBomb (mrs_nerimon) Arya Stark's bastard boys bond on their way to the Wall. - anything for some good rowing references and bastard subjectivity

earlier laughing 'till our ribs get tough (that will never be enough), belasteals "Gendry took one look and laughed so hard that wine came out of his nose, until Harwin gave him a thwack alongside his ear." - A Storm of Swords, Arya IV (or, Gendry's POV on Acorn Hall) - real ones can't get enough of book canon and Acorn Hall.

Butcher, elephant_eyelash Gendry and Arya by the fire, discussing jacket potatoes and thinking murderous things. - perfect meditation on food and hunger and care

Dissimulo, Somnio, jeeno2 She is no one, now. But still the boy with the black hair haunts her dreams. - honestly the showrunners are cowards for not going there. let No One be Vagina Dentata Personified 2kwhenevertheBraavosiseasonsaired

post canon/canon divergent Charcoal, elephant_eyelash All about winter and feeling the cold. - weird how I'm obsessed with self-loathing and wintry alienation and the weight of history and ancestry but also devotion also love. super weird totally unexpected

Five Things Gendry Only Says in the Dark, jeeno2 Where no one else can hear him. - loneliness, shame, self-loathing. the important emotions. oh and spoiler alert some joy.

Like Wenda, Furious_Winter "...she could ride with Gendry and be an outlaw, like Wenda the White Fawn in the songs." - my favourite canon AUs are Arya and Gendry with the Brotherhood and my absolute favourites of those are when they are apart (who's ever heard of a marauding smith??) but have some of miserable bittersweet understanding and they glower at each other and make each other jealous and everything is unspoken but this is it this singular love they have for each other that doesn't quite work out. I've just realized that most of these recs are highkey angsty oops. anyway, this fic is like the most complete and perfect distillation of everything I want. - also this is so richly detailed and complete in itself. immensely satisfying. - yeah ok Furious_Winter is actually the master of post canon together but not Arya/Gendry love is not always enough fics. I'm just going to recommend all of them: - The Wolf's Head Helm [The Starks are back in Winterfell and Sansa is Queen in the North. One day, Arya receives a gift from an old friend... - Arya is in Sansas's queensguard.]  - A Means To An End (incomplete) [Arya Stark has returned from Essos and has been staying at the Inn at the Crossroads. Things are not nearly as simple as she sees them. - fuck this one hurts so good] - A Bastard At Heart [Arya and Gendry marry other people for the good of the kingdom 'cause they're self sacrificing like that. the last line took me outtt]

the truth is, baby you're all that I need, belasteals “You were jealous,” he laughed, almost shocked. “Arya Stark of Winterfell, jealous of a whore.” - sirens This One Is Not Angsty sirens

A Girl Meets a Boy, Hotpie A girl takes a face; a girl takes a lover. - possibly my favourite Crossroads Inn fic. love the Faceless Man stuff. love the detail of Needle having a smallest spot of rust, from Braavosi Steel Pox and Arya feeling a ways about it. love picking up the Melisandre thread.

So Easy To Love, Val_Creative She misses Gendry's complaining, too enthralled with staring. "You smell like Dennett's underarms," Arya murmurs, leaning in, going for blunt honesty. Gendry opens his mouth, beginning to laugh, turning uproarious and smiling. She's never seen anything more beautiful than this. More kissable than Gendry's mouth. - the summary makes it seem like it's all kissing when there is actually a big chunk of plot - in service of eventual kissing, yes, - but! spoiler alert! they don't even get to it in this fic! not exactly - maybe why I love it a lot??

With Bells in Her Hair, semicolonlife [incomplete] The further south they travel the more Gendry starts to wonder if he truly knows this woman who wears Arya Stark's face. As he begins to doubt himself more and more, Gendry becomes obsessed with the strange bells she wears in her hair. - ruthless slightly wonky Arya is my favourite Arya.

Wayfaring, Rainfallen An accidental series centered on the same basic headcanon of how Gendry found himself in the North and how Arya found her way back to it. - wolf girl Wolf Girl WOLF GIRL

Seen, sanctuary_for_all Being important matters less than who you're important to. - He wasn't sure what that verdict was, however, until she returned the unfinished sword to rest position with a deeply satisfied expression. "I am going to kill so many people with that sword." It was probably a bad sign for his long-term sanity that Gendry felt deeply complimented by that. "Happy to help." my useless heart: pikachu face - see! I like fluffy HEAs too

Hearts, sanctuary_for_all Arya comes home to her family. (Future flash) - look, I just think it's really important that even married and with children, Arya continues murdering people uwu

other AUs/misc I'll Run (Run To You), belasteals “You would rather marry a lowborn knight than a high lord, then?” She grinned, all bared teeth and sharp eyes. “I’d rather marry no one at all, else I'd not play at this mummer’s farce.” “What about the man who outruns you?” “Nobody outruns me.” (Greek mythology fusion: Arya as Atalanta, Gendry as Hippomenes. Arya vows only to marry the man who can outrun her in a footrace) - Atalanta, Mononoke, Arya. same energy.

[kyuala]

monsta x in são paulo (19.07.19)

hey y'all this post is to tell my experience during my concert and hi touch event of the we are here world tour last friday night 🤩 so buckle up bc its a LONG ONE but i divided it into categories so u dont have to read everything if u dont want to!

the concert in general: ok so the concert was ABSOLUTELY AMAZING. there were about 7 songs i didn’t really listen to a lot or liked before the concert but even those were amazing and had me jumping and screaming and going crazy. they’re all SO much more beautiful irl which is like !!!!!!!!! HOW. and they’re so so SO talented all the choreos were incredible and their voices!!! sound even better irl. hyungwon asked minhyuk to sing a little bit of play it cool acapella for us and his voice 😭😭😭 so sweet it’s like honey. they brought hero back to life which was. an experience to see live tbh. i got to the venue line at 9:30am (10.5 hours before the concert) and i was about maybe 15? rows away from the stage (bc i had to go pee real quick as soon as they let us inside) but im like 158cm (5'2) tall so even tho i was standing on this little protection thingy to be taller i still couldn’t see them that well :( i dont think i saw any choreos in full bc of that but it was still amazing to see them do it irl. they all introduced themselves in portuguese during the first ment it was super 🤩 adorable! most of them only said “oi, eu sou ___” (“hi, i am ___”) but some of them had longer phrases prepared (maybe kh, jh and ck? i believe) which was so awesome to see!! during the second ment, hw talked about how some of their songs were composed by their own members and he did that to introduce “our maknae’s song” (aka mohae) and my soul left my body. after jealousy there was the first vcr which was like a youtuber au vcr and it was so!!!!! cute hyungwon, minhyuk and wonho giving us styling, skincare and exercising tips respectively, jooheon making a burrito he named "honey-to", kihyun and kyun teaching us how to make coffee and how to speak english resp and of course nunu's famous asmr mukbang 🥰🥰🥰 it was honestly superrrrr cute and funny i remember hyungwon trying to spell a word in english and just going "..........ne" after the first two letters and then kyun snickering skejdkksdk and jooheon making fun of ck for something and ck laughing the fakest laugh i ever seen in my life lmao and i also remember ki telling us to be careful about a lot of things but most of all our hearts bc he's gonna steal them 😷🤒🤕 but yes i loved it it was v cute and v funny and i loved how they were all interacting with each other even tho it was separate videos. after the unit stages, hyungwon revealed that joo had actually changed up his routine for a more samba-like beat specially for brazil 🥺 he confirmed that and we went INSANE and started showing them our own beat (a classic carioca funk "tchu tcha tcha tchu tchu tcha" that we fo with our mouths/words) and at first they were all like ??????? but then they LOVED IT and joined in on the fun. mh and kh were dancing to it the most and it was so funny. hyungwon or minhyuk then asked jooheon if he could incorporate our beat into his beatboxing and he said it was possible and then we were all just going TCHU TCHA TCHA TCHU TCHU TCHA while he was beatboxing along and he said it was difficult skdjkekddk around five or six different times they told us to take steps back and step a little bit away from each other so we wouldn't hurt ourselves or feel ill (hyungwon did it the most, he actually spotted a girl nearly fainting in the front rows and brought staff's attention to her and he only stopped talking about it/got more relaxed when they did something about it). during this same ment they talked about sn's and wh's different choice of clothing for their unit stage and said it was more daring and sexy and shownu said that kihyun actually chose those clothes for them lmao and ki said he chose them bc he knew us brazilian mbbs would love it and we were like wow. They Know we're whores love that. then someone was like "u chose that?? ur kinda conservative tho????" and ki said he's been "open-minded since birth" KDJSKFKDK rip conservative brothers but the way the lady translated it accidentally kinda made it sound that he was like. open for romantic/sexual advances and we were all like 👀👀👀 OKAY. oh also sometime during the concert one of them slipped and nearly fell doing something stupid (i think wonho or changkyun) skndkskdk the second vcr was the seven deadly sins themed and wow. the PRODUCTION. the absolute ARTISTRY of it all. wheres their oscar. it was honestly super cool but minhyuk was the only member that hadn't appeared yet and the only sin left was lust so we were all like 👁️😏 but then it said AGONY. ????????? it was kinda confusing but amazing nonetheless kyun wanted to shoot hyungwon but then he didnt bc the underlying message was that they all committed sins and blamed themselves but managed to find forgiveness by being together aw <3 a random moment that i dont remember when it happened was when kyun was speaking portuguese to us and he was trying to say "vocês querem curtir?" (which is something like "do you want to have fun?") but he messed it up a bit and accidentally said "vocês querem cu...?" which means "do you want asshole?" and we were all like BOY DKEJDKEJDIDKFKS i dont think he knows what it actually means but he corrected himself real quick and moved on to the next song 💀 for the second to last ment they tried to convince us the concert was ending (lmao) and there was only one song left, so we were all shouting "não" ("no") and they were like "we cant go??????" and we were like "no!!!!!" and they were like :/ oh well guess we gotta stay kdnskdjs they had the brazilian flag up there for some time but they also somehow got an lgbt pride flag there too for the pics??? before the ending ment kihyun said that they all have strengths, as i recall kyun's was writing cool songs/lyrics, shownu's was being fun, i think minhyuk's was having a voice like honey? and i dont recall the rest but when he got to hyungwon he just said "being very tall" and we were all like LMAO SAY SOMETHING ELSE ABOUT HIM!!!! and then he said an actual compliment lol for the actual last ment they each said goodbye to us, i specifically remember wonho telling us that the energy we had and him performing on stage for us reminded him of why he was a singer and why he had to be on stage 🥺🥺🥺 and shownu agreed 🥺 kyun(?) said even though he's going back to korea he's gonna feel incomplete bc he's leaving brazil, ki said he liked us so much he could have another 6 concerts here bc our energy would be enough to keep him going and then said something really greasy that i dont remember but obviously loved at the moment. and then they said they're coming back next year 🤩 and they told us to take care of ourselves and wait for them and come back next year (in a bigger venue, they said!) and they all had their pinky fingers up and were saying "promete" ("promise", but as in the imperative verb) to us 😭😭😭

the songs: i was going to put my videos in this post but there’s a video limit so i’m gonna post them separately later but the first song was shoot out and unfortunately i didn’t get to film any of it because i was in SHOCK that they were REAL PEOPLE and RIGHT THERE u know dkjskdkd then was hero and it was INSANE to see it live??? seeing them do the “i can be your hero i can be your man” move IN REAL LIFE????? not to be a kihyun stan but i had kihyun tunnel vision during the entirety of the song lmfao then it was trespass and the energy was INSANE everybody was going absolutely crazy to it esp during the chorus and jooheon’s “excuse my charisma"s!!! after the ment they performed party time and we had this fan project and the people in my area had yellow cellophane on their phone lights and the people in the back had green ones (brazilian colors) and we had them on during the entirety of party time bc they mention brazil in the song and it was just so 🥰🥰🥰 such a vibe! one of the only songs i actually danced to lol party time was next and also a ~vibe~ we all danced a lot to it and after it was over, during the ment, hw asked mh to sing a little of it for us and he was sooo happy to see us sing along and sing the entire chorus even after he had stopped! it was super cute to see him smile so proudly like that. and then it was the loml, my fave mx song, a booty call anthem that somehow moves my heart, miss mohae and as soon as i heard the first few beats i SCREAMED and i was the only one doing that before everybody else realized the song had already started but i didnt even have time to be embarrassed bc i was literally tearing up. honestly hearing it live was one of the best moments of my life bc i have this huge emotional attachment to the song and it was just all super special, i was screaming the lyrics at the top of my lungs and dancing and jumping and yelling. seeing kyun’s rap live was amazing and you could actually SEE how proud he was seeing so many people sing a song HE composed you know? he let us rap most of his part bc he was just in awe and wanted to see us sing it back to him. and hyungwon tried to rap jooheon’s part but he got it all messed up halfway through it was SO CUTE and jooheon had an arm around him and was BEAMING WITH LOVE the entire time 😍😍😍 everyone was fonding HARD at him. and the crowd was SO loud during the "don’t kill my vibe, i be on your way, i be, i be on your way” part it was actually deafening. i only recorded one of the choruses bc i wanted to enjoy the rest of the song but here it is! the next song was one of the other lomls, miss jealousy!!! it was absolutely STUNNING!! and yes the crowd went crazy when wonho mentioned shownu and yes that hyungwon+changkyun part IS as overwhelming to experience irl as it looks. after the youtuber vcr came the unit stages and oh. my. god  mh, hw and kh came out first and it was just. so sexy and elegant. and the vocals? 10/10 LOVED that men in suit shit. then was jooheon's and changkyun's stage and HOLY. FUCKIN. SHIT. absolutely my favorite performance of the night it was EVERYTHING to me. the energy was super fuckin cool and we were all jumping around and screaming while they rapped in sexy robes over a cool ass beat it was awesome. in the middle of the performance joo tried to flip a water bottle (???) and he actually failed lol but we were so hype we didnt even notice/care we just hyped him TF up. he later apologized for it during the next ment and the real time translator lady said "desculpa" ("sorry") and changkyun said "yeah, desgupa" immediately after 🥺 then jooheon had a drum solo which ??????? i had zero fucking idea about i was just kinda standing there in shock while he absolutely murdered that drum set right in front of our eyes. AND THEN ck came back and started to rap along to his drumming and i know im saying this a lot but it was SEXY okay i have no other words they were both in muscle tees just out there being their sexiest selves UGH. and AS IF THAT WASN'T ENOUGH then came wonho and shownu's stage and uhhhhhhh wow. SEXY AS WELL but also kinda angsty? idk but i loved it they absolutely killed it with the dance and they were wearing see through shirts and the crowd went insane. after that there were the songs i didn't listen to a lot or liked before the concert but they were all still amazing to me!! honestly, i do love u, white sugar and no reason were all SUPER cute!! AND THEN. miss myself came on and oh my god. it was a spiritual experience to see it live. absolutely amazing and breathtaking even though it's so simple. like it's just so elegant and moving. i had to close my eyes a couple times to feel the moment and it was an amazing sensation. also!! a few girls gave us free banners to lift after kihyun's high note and they said 주변을 돌아봐 내겐 다 너니까 꿈이 아냐 (shownu's line, "turn and look around, because you're everything to me this isn't a dream") and it was SO emotional to see a sea of these red banners showing them our love!! 

it was amazing AND THEN. dramarama oh my god it was so freakinggggg cool! to see the performance live, jooheon milly rocking right in front of my eyes... amazing. everyone went insane during rapline's first part. one of my fave performances for sure!! next song after the ment was oh my and IT WAS AMAZING!! the choreo was just stunning and the energy!! everyone was just jumping around and screaming the lyrics, esp kihyun's line before the last chorus!! and im absolutely obsessed with the choreo, honestly. then special and fallin' were SO COOL, just like the other upbeat songs, the energy was amazing, everyone was jumping around and screaming the lyrics. fallin' was especially hype as hell and minhyuk did this funny low voice dkjskdkd then it was alligator and listen. i hated it when it came out but when they performed it i had never loved a song so much in my life. it was CLEAR it was one of the performances they were working the hardest on and their talents were really shining through 😔 i had ki and shownu tunnel vision unfortunately i missed kyun's iconic hip thrusts sksjdks but theres always next year i guess! so they had just convinced us it was their last song but after a few mins hyungwon came back out and we met H.One hehe i didnt think i would like it bc i thought it would be mostly edm and i dont really like edm but it was just some really good remixes?? he played taki taki and mi gente and everybody went fuckin insane like i remember my knee hurting super bad during this part and he was just. chilling on the stage sjejdjsk BUT THEN CAME THE TRUE GO CRAZY AAHHHH GO STUPID MOMENT OF THE CONCERT: RODEO. boy was it a fuckin ride. truly the time to fuckin wild out at an mx concert. i think it was during this song that minhyuk (?) put a brazilian flag around jooheon's shoulders so we were even more hype!! last song was by my side and it was super calm and bittersweet and like a "goodbye, ily" song :( we had these paper hearts someone gave us and we kept them up for them during the entire song, it was so lovely

the hi touch: ok so the concert ended and we waited around 50 mins for the ht event to start and we were all in a single line that went behind a curtain and THEY WERE ALREADY BEHIND THE CURTAIN SO THERE WAS NO WAY TO PREPARE FOR IT KDJDJDJD they were all standing behind a table and on the other side of the table was some of their staff on a single line to keep people from taking pictures of them and we had to go through the line of staff and the table to see them/touch their hands. it was SUPER rushed i dont think i spent 3 seconds there. my brain absolutely froze bc it was my first time at a hi touch (or first time meeting a celebrity, ever) and it was like 7 people i love and admire all at once so i couldn't manage to say more than "hi" to them and just look at them in shock and i was going faster as they (staff) told me to go faster (stupid) but they were also telling us to use only one hand and not touch their hand with both of ours but fuck that lol so in general they are all real people which is insane??? but also they ARE all SO much more beautiful in real life. like they literally glow. my friends told me they would seem taller and skinnier than i thought but i honestly didnt have the time or the brains to think about that or notice any of that. hyungwon IS tall as fuck though

kihyun: just my luck, my first bias was the first one of the line. as i walked behind the curtain there was a taller girl in front of me in line so i couldn't see much so i had like no time to process anything ksjskdks as soon as i saw it was him i went "oh my god, hi" (yes in english bc i know he understands basic english and doesn't speak portuguese lol) and he was SO sweet like it was literally half a second but his face softened and he said "hiiii" back and gave me the sweetest smile :( hes an angel on earth and i can prove it ok. hi touch aside, he's VERY confident onstage and also VERY greasy lmao he was shooting greasy stuff at us left and right and we ATE IT ALL UP. but he's also incredibly sweet and funny but like we been knew. every time he said something greasy he would expectantly wait for the lady to finish translating so he could see our reaction and afterwards he ALWAYS had that smile where he gets those dimples below his eyes :( he's one of the most talkative members!

shownu: mistre hyunwoo was second in the line and i was still in shock from seeing the loml so all i said was "hi" and he honestly seemed confused that i, a brazilian, was trying to speak english to him, a korean DJJSKDKD but he said hi very quick and had this small smile. he's taller than he seems?? i think? at least onstage and he's also very bashful no matter what he's saying lol unless it's serious stuff like him agreeing with wonho during the ending ment

wonho: ok so i dont remember the order exactly after the first two bc i started to like. have brain death but i THINK it was wonho but i saw him VERY quickly. idk if it's bc i saw him right after shownu or if he was bending forward or what but he's actually shorter than i thought he was. he had the HUGEST smile on his face and was super excited to say hi back to my dumbstruck face lol he's also?? surprisingly commanding?? like he's not imposing or anything bc he's super gentle but he told us to be quiet while he was speaking (.......lol) bc we were screaming and when he started to speak again this group of girls continued screaming and he looked at them DIRECTLY, FROM THE STAGE, IN THE MIDDLE OF THE MENT, POINTED AT THEM and deadass went "i have already told you to be quiet twice" and everyone was like??? in shock bc we didn't know if he was serious so we were just like 😳😳😮😮 it was very bizarre honestly a surreal moment to see wonho talk like that to any monbebe ever (for the record im not saying he was rude or anything, it was just very surprising to see that happen). i clearly remember these 3 older ladies referring to him as "primo" ("cousin") for some reason during the entire concert and idk why but that's so funny to me? it's kinda stuck in my mind now im gonna start calling him primo. he ripped his shirt off a total of two (2) different times, maybe three, one of them unprompted and unrequested, during a slow song. love that for him

hyungwon: oh boy. here we go. when my friends told me he was the most different one irl and that he was incredibly prettier i was like ok and then i saw him on the stage and was like yeah alright he's a little different but nothing too exceptional but holy. crap. he was never my type but when i saw him face to face i think my mind literally blacked out. like my body was still functioning but my mind just completely shut down when i saw him smiling at me and saying hi. like that didn't happen with kihyun, one of my ULTIMATE BIASES, but it happened when i saw HIM, that's how beautiful he is. im not using any of these words lightly, but he's beautiful, pretty, stunning, overwhelmingly handsome, an angel. he's just indescribable. his hair is so long and pretty and his face is just so soft and beautiful and he has the prettiest looking lips. has heavy vampire boyfriend vibes also. one of the quietest members, i barely have any pics of him bc he was rarely ever on the big screen bc he didnt say much. tall as hell too

minhyuk: listen i am SO SAD about this i was so overwhelmed by hyungwon's face my mind completely blanked when i got to minnie and i have no idea what i did, i don't even know if i said anything or if i just stared at him dumbfounded sjejjdjsd i have no recollection of his face at ALL like my mind was not able to process anything after hyungwon BUT i know he is pretty as hell (wbk) and he's also even sexier on stage!! like his presence and his moves are just very sensual and he is one of the most talkative ones too! we already know that but he is SUPER funny he never missed an opportunity to do something completely bizarre i just love that funky lil cowboy HE HAD A COWBOY HAT OVER HIS CAP DURING RODEO AND HE ALSO WORE THE FUNNIEST BRAZILIAN FLAG SUNGLASSES DURING HIS ENDING MENT HERE HE IS

jooheon: yall. he is SO. so so so SOOOO much prettier irl like he doesn't LOOK any different like hyungwon does but he's just even more beautiful up close and he also looks taller than i pictured? his whole face was just lit up seeing us and he was super excited to be saying hi to me it was so sweet :( like i am actually even more in love with him now after experiencing that i even dreamed about him that night lmao and oh god I cant even describe how cute his eyesmile + dimple combo is irl 😔😔😔 he talked a lot too and he literally speaks in POUT whenever he said something most of the time it sounded like he was whining it was so cute jdjdjfjd but when he's performing he's a BEAST his stage presence is un-fucking-paralleled he definitely has the strongest one in the group. his mere being there just commands you to pay attention to him in awe it's just very inexplicable. he's just super cute and nice and an angel 

changkyun: oh god I didn't wanna write about my experience with him during the hi touch jsjsjdjs but im gonna try to keep this as neutral as possible. so after i got to jooheon he was the last in line (which was my ideal situation, my two biases - ki and him - in opposite ends so even if i did freeze when i saw one id have time to get over it before the other one) and when i got to him he didn't look at my face, he was looking at the beginning of the line (???) for some reason, so even though i grabbed his hand and said hi i dont remember if he even said it back and i didn't get to look him in the eyes like all the others, which made me really angry as soon as i walked out and then really upset bc i spent 110 reais to see them and one of my two faves didn't look at me when i was right in front of him, but u know it is what it is. i dont think he did it on purpose or that he's an asshole or anything like that, it's just something that happened and upset me. but aside from that, the thing that stuck with me the most out of the entire concert: HE IS INCREDIBLY!!! SEXIER IN REAL LIFE like all my friends who saw mx say hyungwon is the most different but for me it was kyun. he's SO MUCH MORE HANDSOME than in the internet, pictures really do not do him justice. and he has this really hot careless, cool guy attitude in general, like when they/we were hyping him up bc of mohae he was like 🤙🏼 he stared at the floor a lot while the others were talking and like. he knows he's hot thats VERY clear lmao. he's surprisingly talkative. he's very effortless with his moves when he's dancing and that's not saying he doesn't put in effort he just makes it seem so. easy and nicely flowing idk. he was wearing a cap during the hi touch and holy fucking hell he has the nicest profile ive ever seen. thats all

sidenote: PLEASE be careful when camping days before a concert or even hours. a LOT of the people who had spent too much time in line to be closer to the stage had to leave the concert halfway through bc they were literally about to pass out after having spent so much time with poor sleep and unhealthy eating/drinking. enjoy your concert but also take care of yourselves!!

[magical-agatha]

god my fuckin temperament is too weak to handle thinking about inguinal hernias anymore today. this: http://transhealth.ucsf.edu/trans?page=guidelines-testicular-pain is still the only link i can find that has any confirmation of it as a danger to trans women who tuck. but it doesn't go into detail about how the actual hernia is occurring and what the relationship is with tucking. but at least it confirms a correlation so i know that it is in fact a danger and not just wild speculation or something based solely on one person’s experience, which may or may not reflect the rest of the community. from what i can guess its probably like? pushing the testicles into the inguinal cavity is distending it and weakening the muscles, which is allowing the intestines to slip through into the cavity. i wonder if theres like, something in this to do with like, physical exertion, bc it could also be that tucking is creating a weakness that is getting exacerbated by a moment of physical exertion? or maybe by moving in a way that like, affects the muscles in there? idk. there really isnt a lot of info about this and im not a doctor so the best i can do is speculation. but i dont think the idea that tucking is distending the inguinal cavity which is weakening the associated abdominal muscles is too extreme of a jump. this is one of those times where i really really wish there was more medical information and research about trans bodies, bc most of what there is is sporadic and incomplete and the rest is sourceless uhh, whats the word, when its just based off a persons experience being recounted without any like, reliable research or info. starts with A. im very tired lol. point is i wish there was more info out there cuz there really isnt a lot and im scared ppl are going to get hurt bc of that. this is also like, opening my eyes a lot about how uncertain the information i have in general about like, my body and the bodies of other trans women. bc im finding inconsistent info about things i thought were facts, like for example tucking has always been held up to be perfectly safe, but ive never been able to do it without it hurting, and apparently like?? the whole ‘hrt will turn you infertile’ thing might be inconsistent too? apparently it happens to some but not others. and the thing about like, ‘you WILL lose the function of your dick’ (with the implied ‘but thats a good thing’ that has always pissed me off) and my dick still works, it works differently and i cum and orgasm differently than i did before hrt but it still very much works, it just seems to follow different rules? and i still cum and i can still get hard, both of those things were supposed to stop happening but they didnt. it just like.. went through a process of being reprogrammed so it behaves differently now. cuz there was a period where i couldnt orgasm and i couldnt cum, but then i could again, and now my orgasms are totally different than they were when i was pre hrt. instead of it being like, sudden and intense and overwhelming, it builds up slowly to a peak, then gradually declines from there and leaves you feeling warm throughout and very very soft. and my hen leaks precum constantly when im aroused, and then when i cum it shoots a little bit out then like, leaks goo for the next half hour, not a little bit either. its a mess.

there was something else i wanted to say here but i forgot it. all in all im just. mad that the only ppl who care about the health of trans ppl are some doctors and trans ppl themselves. and that information about our bodies is inconsistent even between professionals. i cant be sure that my doctor actually knows how my body works and whats best for me. it makes it so much harder to trust doctors and feel safe when i see them. what a nightmare. i want to help ppl. i want to find and compile info about our bodies to keep us all safe but i can barely look after myself and i cant commit to doing that. i have to focus on myself. so all i can rly do is like, give advice and try to warn ppl of potential dangers and do what research i can. which is what we’re all doing. the danger is when personal biases conflict with caring for the safety of other ppl, which is the root of all the problems with trans medical stuff i think. whether its doctors enforcing their biases on trans ppl thru medical advice/medicine, or trans ppl themselves giving advice that is warped by their personal beliefs. it leads to misinformation and inconsistency and thats dangerous. that means people getting hurt. so i have to be careful when i give advice to be aware of my own personal biases. such as like, i hate tucking, but i cant tell ppl to just not tuck bc its not my body, i dont know if theres a way to tuck safely or not, so instead i have to tell ppl to be careful and to be aware of potential risks, and to listen to their body bc pain and discomfort are important indicators of harm being done. but im scared that will be lost in the tide of ‘tuck or you arent a real trans woman, you need tucking to pass, it cant hurt you’ that has been spread among us for a really long time.

i feel like this is like, tied to another big problem which is the like, necessity and obsession with passing. which are two very different things. necessity is like, passing to be safe, which i feel like has room to accept that tucking might not be totally safe and comes with certain risks, because it isnt about affirming self worth or identity, only about staying safe. then obsession, which might not be the best word but it will do for now, by that i mean ppl who feel they Have to pass at all costs, bc they think that if they dont they arent a real woman or something like that. they tie passing to self worth and identity, if they dont pass they are worthless or incomplete or like, inferior to cis women, and they will do anything to pass, with little to no regard for personal safety. they will do risky things like skipping meals or tucking unsafely bc they want to pass at any cost. but they spread their perspective on this through advice to other trans women, telling them they need to tuck and they need to wear makeup and they need to do voice training and get implants and srs and all manner of things or they are a trender. a faker. they put insecurities into other trans women and bully each other to propagate their personal biases and force other trans women to conform. most trans women pre hrt are extremely vulnerable and lost, which is when these obsessive trans women give them bad advice and twist them to their world view. that happened to me. i got sucked into that when i was trying to figure out my identity and needed validation. luckily i got out of that and i know better now. its really fucked. ive talked about like, versions of this idea before. that there are two kinds of trans ppl, those who love being trans and those who hate is and want to be cis. and i think as im getting a bit older and learning more and getting further thru my transition im starting to put together a bigger picture of the interplay between all of this stuff. like, the interactions between cis society and its expectations of trans ppl, how trans ppl deal with those expectations and how they deal with living and moving in a cis society thats hostile to trans ppl. this is all one big mess. and thats not even touching on the interactions between terfs, transmeds, and the various levels of trans communities both online and irl. its an absolute nightmare. and then as well there’s like, further interactions with like, nb and gender diverse ppl, gay vs straight trans ppl, intersex ppl, exclusionists, and the mess that the current lgbt+ community online is. i could write a book about this. im living in a nightmare. a massive roiling chaotic community thats fighting itself and the world around it and trying to survive and destroy the parts of itself that it thinks arent ‘valid’. which sounds like a metaphor for my experiences as a trans woman. god and theres more i keep forgetting. im so scatterbrained tonight. i havent had enough sleep to be trying to talk about something so complex as this. and im destroying my hands by typing this much. time to stop. i can sort all this out later. what a mess.

[luxrayz64]

hmmm for the salty ship ask: 3, 6, 7, and 9 for the bnha fandom (which I'm not even in, but I enjoy watching from afar with a smoothie sometimes)

most amatonormative ship trope:

am I allowed to list more than one? bc the concept of hanahaki disease is p damn overdramatic and soulmates are. questionable in that whole "you are incomplete w/out this random stranger" way. but fucking hanahaki disease, ur not gonna get a terminal illness from rejection calm down (altho I do like the aesthetic of it, but I wish it had a different cause)

What ship makes the most logical sense to me and how many people actually ship them: probably kiribaku or maybe tododeku? I mean they both have valid reasons for being shipped, and they both had emotional moments between them,, they're also the most popular ships in the fandom. and yet I honestly can't read kiribaku as anything but platonic just yet haha bakugou is not far enough into his development for a romantic relationship kirishima is literally the first real friend he's ever had let them chill

Which ship discourse is the funniest?:

tbh there's nothing funnier to me on this earth than people who ship clearly abusive ships trying to explain that no, bakudeku isn't abusive, bakugou just bullied him relentlessly for ten years and told him to jump off the school roof but it's not abusive they've grown!!! ok my dude.(usuk from hetalia rlly takes the cake tho just bc they're obviously brothers yet it was the most popular ship for a time and half of its fans refuse to see that and the other half doesn't care that incest is inherently bad) (also whatever the fuck is going down in voltron at any given moment) and maybe that's not the funniest kind of ship discourse but fucking hetalia rlly made me a bit immune to Bad ships. after watching people fight over whether incest is actually bad for two years at some point u've just gotta sit back and watch it all go down yknow?

If you could choose one ship to be obliterated from the earth, which one would it be?

HOO BOY there's a lot

But for the bnha fandom specifically, definitely bakudeku. it's just. it's not good. they fucking hate each other can I add two people properly hating each other who get shipped together to the most amatonormative ship trope one and again, bakugou relentlessly bullied deku for ten years straight, and even at UA bakugou came 👌 this close to actually killing deku on the second day.

but uhhh yeah

[twdmusicboxmystery]

Titles Meta, Part 2

Good morning! I wanted to get the second part of my titles meta posted today before I post my thoughts about the MSF, because I think what I say in this post will help shed some light on my thoughts about the MSF.

Check out Part 1 of the Titles Meta HERE.

Remember that @thegloriouscollectorlady and I collaborated on these titles metas. While Part 1 was mostly my thoughts with a few of hers sprinkled in, this post is the opposite: mostly her thoughts with a few of mine sprinkled in.  

Today I want to focus on specific groupings of titles, including titles that begin with a similar letter.

In Part 1, I say that we always see a pattern of three or more episodes grouped in the middle of the season, which deal with something different than the first episodes dealt with, and often the back half of the season is about dealing with the fallout of these three episodes in the center. 

So, for example, in S4, we had episodes 6-8, which were all about the Governor, and culminated in the downfall of the prison. Those three episodes were very different than episodes in the first part of the season, that dealt with the virus. Then, the back half of the season (4b) dealt with the fallout of the prison's loss. We've seen this pattern at least loosely in all the seasons since S4.

C-Titles:

I mentioned in Part 1 that in season 5, we have three C-Titles right around the MSF where Beth was shot: Consumed, Crossed, and Coda. And remember that Crossed was originally called Straight, but was changed for unknown reasons. I'm sure it was because they were trying to brand those three episodes around Beth's "death."

So while talking about this, we tried to figure out what the C stood for. My first thought was that it was "Christianity" because Beth is the Christ figure. I also considered the title Conquer, which was the final of S5, and the last time we saw the music box. So I thought maybe the C could stand for "conquer" or "victory, " because if Beth is alive, there's some kind of victory in each of those episodes.

Then after hearing @katkhaos's theory about Morgan being the coda, we realized we'd missed the most obvious meaning of C: Coda.  

So our working theory is that every episode that begins with C is directly related to or about the coda structure of the story. Of course there are other things going on in those episodes as well, but the episode is most focused, through symbolism, character development, and/or plot on the coda aspects.

So in S4, we have Claimed. In this episode, Rick escapes from the house where the Claimers come in. It's one of the biggest foreshadows of Grady we had in S4. He's imprisoned, has to go through a window, does so with scissors in his hand, then reunites "up the road" with his family (Carl and Michonne). There are also foreshadows of the wolves and the Alaska theme, which I'll talk more about next week.  

Then in S5, we have Consumed, Crossed, and Coda, which are obviously all related to Beth's arc and the coda. Conquer was interesting because it's specifically the episode where Morgan reunites with TF. I'll talk about Morgan more tomorrow, but he was kind of the "first" coda. The first character to disappear, first in S1 and then return in S3. But obviously his story wasn't over then. We were really left hanging in that episode. Now he's returned again. And when/if ever he dies, I'm sure it will be in a way that closes his arc entirely, just as they did with Sasha. Remember, everything gets a return. So if Morgan reuniting with TF in 5x16 is a template for Beth, obviously that has everything to do with the coda structure. We also saw wolves stuff in that episode, and hints at the Sasha/Tyreese stuff from the missing 17 days, all of which revolves around Beth.

The only other episode we may be able to relate to this is The Cell in season 7. That was obviously all about Daryl, but had major callbacks to Beth, especially through the music (X), and major development (in a negative way) for Daryl. Obviously that could be related to the whole coda structure.

Let's move on to A, I, and F titles.

First, though, check out this line that jumped out at me while re-watching 7x13 this summer:  

After Benjamin is shot, Gavin yells at Ezekiel saying that from now on he will deliver his offerings to the saviors on time and it will all be there, or else. He says, "It's As or Fs, no Is." I'm assuming that means letter grades. A would be the highest or top of the class. F would be failing. Is would be "incompletes" which the saviors won't accept. Just keep this in mind while we talk.

I-Titles:

All I titles without exception come from S4. Infected, Isolation, Indifference, Internment, and Inmates. There have been no other I titles since S4. At one point in 4a, Rick says to Hershel, "was that indifference?" When talking about how he'd stepped down from leadership and been a farmer. So I've always thought the I-titles meant having some kind of negative attitude toward the situation at hand. But based on Gavin's line in S7, maybe the I-titles represent something being incomplete. That's interesting because there are a lot of things from S4 that have never been explained.  

A-Titles:

Before we get started, check out this info @katkhaos found:

1. Atlanta used to be called Terminus.

2. There’s a phoenix statue in Atlanta.

3. Origin of the name, Slab Town (from wiki):

I didn't know most of this. I knew that Atlanta was originally called Terminus, as that was highly circulated back when S4 aired. But I didn't know the other details, especially about Slabtown. How many times have I said that Slabtown is a weird title? Obviously it was put in purposefully and with intent that makes sense, given what was going on at Grady.  

So we've gone over a lot of things we think the A in the titles might represent. A has been a big visual symbol in the show throughout the seasons, as well as a frequent letter for starting titles. 

We've talked about it meaning trials and death, because A block was where those sick with the virus were put. It was "death row." And every time we've seen As it's been in conjunction with major trials, such as the train car at Terminus, the A on FG's church, which was when Bob died and the Termites attacked. We saw it at Alexandria around Sam, who later died, and Carol saw it specifically after the wolf attack in 6x02. Then there's the A on the back of Daryl's shirt at the Sanctuary.  

We've also discussed it meaning "first" bc it's the first letter of the alphabet. So TF = the first family of the apocalypse. (Hey, it could just mean Apocalypse, right? ;D) I've also thought it might mean reunion, because in 4x16, the A train car WAS a reunion for most of TF. Beth wasn't there, but nearly everyone else was. And many of the As we've seen have been right after the group as a whole or specific characters came back together.

But given the info above, perhaps A means Atlanta. Perhaps all episodes that start with A point back toward Atlanta in some way.

So in S4, we have After, Alone, and A. Obviously the group was still just outside Atlanta at that point, but obviously Alone and A are very Beth-heavy. Alone: obviously. A because we had the sheriff's hate flashback in it. After is less obvious but we do have a lot of Beth/Carl parallels in that episode, including scissors and bats, and the fact that Carl goes off on his own and survives. So they do all point to stuff that happened in or around Atlanta, both literally and symbolically. 

The only other A title we have is in S6, Always Accountable. And that has SO much Beth symbolism in it, including the Cherokee Rose, so it's really interesting if this episode is meant to point us back to Atlanta.  

F-Titles:

I wanted to touch briefly on these bc of Gavin's line. If F = fail, then maybe all the F-Titles (and there aren't many) have something to do with a failure on TF's part. There are none in S4. In S5, we have Four Walls and a Roof. They conquered the Termites, but with a great deal of brutality. Plus Bob died in this episode. So where TF's humanity is concerned, it might be considered an epic fail.

In 5b, we have Forget. The fails are much smaller here, but I’m thinking of both Daryl and Sasha. They are two of the three characters from Them who were very lost at this point in the story. Daryl tried to go in to the dinner party, but couldn't bring himself to do so. Sasha went, but had a bit of a meltdown while there. So the Fs may stand for when TF or particular characters try to do things, but fail. (There's also the "try/trying" theme to consider, though we don't see that in the titles.)

In S6, we have First Time Again. I think that title is mostly about the beginning of the retellings, but we do have Operation Lead the Walkers Away to consider. Overall it was not a success. Half the herd broke off and went toward Alexandria, so you could call that an epic fail too.

There really aren't any other titles that start with F. There is "The First Day of the Rest of Your Life," but that actually begins with "the" and I'm going to talk about "the" titles in a minute, so I'll come back to that one.

S-Titles:

We have quite a few S-titles. @thegloriouscollectorlady noticed that, specifically in S7, the S Titles seemed to revolve around TF searching for guns for the war. So we have Service, where the guns were taken from Alexandria by Negan. Swear, where Tara finds Oceanside, which is where TF will eventually take a bunch of guns for the war. In Sing Me a Song, while Carl is at the Sanctuary, Rick and Aaron are out searching for supplies (to give the Saviors) and Michonne is on a mission of her own, searching for the Sanctuary. In Say Yes, Richonne is specifically looking for guns. In Something They Need, TF goes to Oceanside and filches all their guns.  

So while in S7, most of these revolved around guns, I'm going to make the assumption a little broader and say that S-Titles are about searching for something. Something they need. (S = search.) The reason is that there are other things besides guns they search for. And then let's look back at other S Titles:

S4: Still. Wow. I could really go down the rabbit hole with this one. I could go on and on about Daryl and Beth were emotionally searching for a lot of things. For each other. Freedom from their negative pasts. A way through their grief. A way to let go of the tragedy at the prison and move forward. In terms of plot, they spent a lot of the episode searching for supplies, and for booze.  

And @boltthrutheheart and I have had extensive convos about how interesting it is symbolically that the moonshine is a much stronger drink than the peach schnapps Of course Daryl was totally looking down his nose as the fruity drink, but even in terms of alcoholic percentage, moonshine has a MUCH higher proof than the schnapps did. And that's interesting because of Beth's, "I am strong." She COULD have drank the schnapps of course, but she needed to be stronger than that. And was. So moonshine was much more her drink symbolically. She held her liquor very well. Almost unrealistically well given that it was her first drink.  

Okay I'll stop. But definitely things being searched for in Still.  

In S5 we had Strangers, Slabtown, Self-Help, and Spend. In Strangers, TF looks for food at the food bank, you could argue FG is looking for redemption. But most important is Daryl looking for Beth. This is the episode where he and Carol take off for Atlanta (A). 

Slabtown was Beth's episode, so I doubt I have to explain it. In terms of searching, she's searching for a way out, searching for her own emotional strength, and searching for her family, though she doesn't get to do so very actively bc she's imprisoned at the hospital. 

In Self-Help, they're looking for D.C. in order to figure out the cure, which doesn't work so well. (You could also argue that in all of these S-Titled episodes, they hit major walls while searching for things.) 

Finally, there's Spend. Plot-wise, in Spend, they're looking for micro-converters for the power grid (Lamp Theory). And of course Noah dies, so we get a lot of phoenix symbolism from this episode.  

In S6, we have Start to Finish. Tons of Beth symbolism in Sam's room at the beginning. I almost need to re-watch this to figure out what's being searched for here. Sam's searching for his courage, which he never really finds. They're searching for a way out because they're surrounded by walkers. And I know Deanna talks to Michonne about figuring out what she wants out of life. (2 episodes later, Richonne happens, which is really NOT a coincidence.) 

I already went over S7 S-Titles. In S8, we have Some Guy, the most recent episode. In it, they are still trying to get a hold of the weapons/guns. Carol almost got them but let them go to save Ezekiel. In the end, it seems Rick and Daryl finally got them by running the jeep off the road.  

"The" Titles: 

We've noticed that any time a title starts with "the" it tends to focus on the development of one character. It's not always a bottle episode, but at some point it focuses on one character's reaction to things. 

So in S4, we had The Grove, which was obviously all about Carol's arc. Ty was there too, of course, but the focus was on Carol, and it affected her the most moving forward. 

In S5, The Distance. Again, most of the characters are in this, but it focused on Rick's eyes and what he heard before going into Alexandria. So it focused most on his development and whether he could accept this new community. 

In S6, there's The Next World and The Same Boat. Both of these, imo, focus on two characters. TNW was really about both Rick and Daryl, with slightly more emphasis on Daryl. But I think it was about both of them because in this episode, we saw a reversal. In 6x01, Daryl was advocating finding more people to bring in and Rick didn't want to. Here, we see Daryl saying Rick was right and Rick saying Daryl was right. But it also focused on Daryl staring forlornly out the window, so this was one episode where they showed us his sadness. 

Similarly, in The Same Boat, I think the episode was about both Maggie and Carol, but with more emphasis on Carol of the two. Also interesting to note that both episodes had a lot of Beth parallels.  

In S7, we have The Well (Carol episode) and The Cell (Daryl episode), and The Other Side. TOS focused on both Sasha and Rosita, with perhaps more emphasis on Rosita of the two. But it also led directly to Sasha's death, which included about a billion Beth parallels. Just saying.  

The First Day of the Rest of Your Life is harder to pin down. It's a "the" title, but I'm not sure who it focuses on in particular. Possibly Maggie because she got the final speech. Possibly Sasha because it was her death episode. It's kinda on it's own because it's so long. So many words. Much longer than just, "the well."  

So far in S8, we have The Damned. Again, hard to say who the focus was on in this episode until we see how the rest of these arcs play out. Overall, I'd say Daryl both because of the handcuffs and also because of the brutality we saw from him in this episode. Rick's reaction to his brutality put emphasis on it. But you could also argue the emphasis was on Rick because of Morales. Again, we'll just have to wait and see where it goes. 

There are other, smaller patterns in the titles. For one thing, the titles Last Day on Earth, The Day Will Come When You Won't Be, and First Day of the Rest of Your Life are all related. And all of them, I think have to do with the end of Glenn's arc. The beginning of the end, his death, and then a final homage to him in 7x16.

I'm sure there are others as well, but these are the major trends we are seeing. I'd love to hear if anyone else has picked up any other title patterns!  

[daisyslain]

*   FANDOM QUESTIONS.

repost,   don’t  re - blog.

FANDOM  :   scream. FANDOM  AIR  /  PUBLISH  DATE  :   june ‘15. FAVOURITE  THING  ABOUT  YOUR  FANDOM  :   i love the little details that were put into each character to make them fascinating and to make them stand on their own.   with a show that’s literally about killing the characters off,    it’s really important to establish who these people are quickly before they.. you know.. die.    a good example of this is tyler,    who we only see one scene of with no flashbacks,   but we know things about him like the fact that he’s adopted and that he was the ‘ wild boy ‘ and it helps us resonate with who he was a little more.   each death hits a little harder when we start to learn more about them,   especially with the way the focus is subtly drawn to them right before their death,    like will finally coming to terms with the wrongs he has done and doing his best to get his redemption to prepare for his inevitable death,   etc.    honestly,   a lot of the characters on this show,  i don’t like as people,    but i LOVE as characters because they’re all written well and in a way that they can really fit into any scenario.    it’s one of my favorite fandoms to mix with crossovers because it’s so easy.    their characters aren’t tied down to just be about the murders;   there’s so much more to all of them. FAVOURITE  CHARACTER  AND  WHY  :    scream is a show that even when i don’t like a character as a person,   they’re still really well written characters which is why i’ve been so hooked on this show so honestly ???  i’ve got a top four?    audrey,   haley,   maggie,  and stavo.    audrey was my favorite from the beginning because her vibe is so similar to my type of favorite character,   but she really became my favorite when she was exposed as having to do something with piper.   and even though we didn’t get the full story with her and piper and it’s still so open ended,   i still love the way audrey deals with her guilt especially because it’s not at all how many of the other characters would and i think that’s what sets her apart from characters who typically deal with a guilt complex.   she’s not a good person but she’s damn good at getting her way out of blame in most circumstances and i love seeing how much crap she piles on herself because of it.    anyone who knows me knows exactly why i stan haley so much and it’s because of her purpose as a character.    with shows like this depicting tragedy and grief,   it would be incomplete if we didn’t see ALL sides.   haley is scared too,   she just deals with it all in a very wrong way and it’s interesting to see how she plays off the others’ grief because of it.    maggie is a favorite mostly because of how she got here.    i love the way she believes in brandon so loyally   (  me too bitch!!  )    because so many people have painted him as a villain for 20ish years and she’s still here preaching about him being innocent,    and to have gone through what she went through and be shunned to ever think positively of him yet still be so adamant about believing in him??    that takes an insanely strong person,   not to mention how much of her life she was forced to keep private even when she felt like she was disrespecting brandon by doing so.    stavo is a favorite character because of who he is as an individual,    and i feel like him being in the scream setting doesn’t do his character justice.    his mind is so intriguing to me and i constantly want to know more about him,   especially in terms of what happened with his friend’s death.    there’s so much we don’t know about him and so many answers up in there air,   but i think that’s part of why i like him so much.   he has a unique perspective on everything and he’s not afraid to tell people the truth   (  i.e.  warning noah that publicly looking for the accomplice might put a target on his back,  etc.  )     i’m also extremely interested in his art,  what it means,  the way his father shuts it down,   etc.   and i’ve said this before on tracy’s blog,    but his character seems to match so many of my headcanons for her,   so i just naturally really fell in love with who he is.   OVERRATED  CHARACTER  :     i’m going to softly pass on this UNDERRATED  CHARACTER  :   stavo!!   so many people are quick to hate him because he hooked up with brooke and finally i have a place to rant about this,   so...   it’s not his fault that brooke moved on with him?   in fact,   it’s extremely ic of brooke to try to ignore her grief by jumping into bed with someone to distract herself rather than deal with her own tragedy.   she had done it multiple times on the show.    it’s uncomfortable because of how quick it happened,   but it seems like he gets shit on all the time because of something that was entirely in character for brooke to be doing,   and everyone makes this some kind of competition between stavo and jake when it shouldn’t be like that at all?     i’m constantly left wondering if anyone would give him a chance if he wasn’t attached to brooke because it seems like that’s why he gets so much hate.   he definitely is as shady as he seems,   perhaps even more though we’ll never find out,   but i think he deserves more of a chance and an understanding from the fans rather than a shit storm of hate just because he was with brooke as if that wasn’t her choice at all when...  it was. OTP  :   clark / maggie,  brandon / maggie.    i guess i don’t really ship a whole lot of the canon ships on the show but these are two that own me.      i also like the idea of brooke and audrey but i’m a lot more interested in that ship in season 1 and favoring their friendship instead in season 2. NOTP  :    i’ll only say it since it’s not canon but ??  audrey  /  emma,   which again,   anyone who has spoken to me about this ever knows how i feel about it.    emma has already dated a stream of people who lie to her.    i’ll keep my canon notps to myself.    although i’m sure no one will charge at me with torches for saying maggie and kevin publicly BROTP  :   audrey and noah,   maggie and brandon.  OVERRATED  SHIP  :   again,   i’ll keep it to myself yikes UNDERRATED  SHIP  :    clark and maggie!!!   and noah and zoe.   i know most people favor noah with riley but i don’t really think these two relationships are comparable at all.    i feel like riley was someone noah could have loved,   while zoe was someone he got the chance to love,    and i think once they could truly work past the weird jealousy and roundabouts,   they would have been something really strong. WEIRD  SHIP  THAT  YOU  HAVE  :   don’t @ me but i love the idea of piper and kieran solely for the way he spoken about her and i think they would have been interesting as hell to see together.    my heart also ships tyler and riley. SHIP  YOU  DIDN’T  EXPECT  TO  LIKE  :   i can’t think of any right now!!  CROSSOVER  SHIPS  :   i have a dream of haley and noel kahn  /  mona so :/   but otherwise,   i really like the crossover scream ships i have with my gf @perfectevil because theo works so well with characters in that state of mind even if those relationships aren’t exactly.. Real,   they just vibe well together.     FAVOURITE  PLOT  LINE  :   maggie getting pregnant with brandon james’s baby and being forced to hide it from everyone for the rest of her life against her will while she had to pretend that brandon wasn’t a good guy even though she believed he was...   then to be bit in the ass by it when piper came back to kill her because she believed the lies maggie’s parents forced her to tell.   what the fuck!!!   and also audrey being so desperate for revenge that she found a half sister emma didn’t know about and became close friends with her while telling her to make emma + co pay,  then in turn being the prime target for piper’s real accomplice in season 2 because she was so easy to bait and be framed as the killer.      PLOT  YOU  WOULD  HAVE  LIKED  TO  SEE  :   obviously,   i would love to see audrey’s plot play out truthfully and the way it was intended from the beginning.    it rubs me the wrong way that she got out of it all and everyone just seemed to forgive her so easily even with the evidence in front of them that there was more to it than the story she gave them.     and i’m forever upset that we’ll never see a reveal that brandon james wasn’t the killer and that someone else  (coughkevincough)  was actually guilty. FAVOURITE  VILLAIN  :  piper.  i love me a petty murderer.   i also loved the way she hid behind journalism and i could talk about that for so long.     and haley,   though i’m not really sure she fits in the villain category..   she’s more of a nuisance to the other characters than someone of any real threat.   and i’m going to softly add audrey to this because...  she pulled some Shit LEAST  FAVOURITE  VILLAIN  :   i don’t really hate the villains tbh????   as people,   yes,   but as characters i like the way things went.    i know kieran gets a lot of shit but uh ? he was crafty as FUCK and we can’t deny that  WHO  WOULD  YOU  BE  FRIENDS  WITH  IF  YOU  WERE  IN  THE  FANDOM  :   audrey and noah.    i’d just never wanna get on audrey’s bad side FAVOURITE  FIC  :   i don’t really read fics but i love reading other scream roleplayers write these characters because they’re all so important to me LEAST  FAVOURITE  FIC  TROPE :   i don’t think this really counts as a trope but basically every time i see characters miraculously surviving i get irrationally stressed because the entire plot is such a domino effect  SONG  IN  THE  FANDOM  :   the songs on scream are all such BOPS!   but fun fact my most played song of 2018 was actually pray by bishop briggs,   which is the song that plays when kieran is taken into custody and emma and audrey hug it out  SONG  THAT  REMINDS  YOU  OF  YOUR  FAVOURITE  CHARACTER  :   same as the last!! 

tagged  by  :    the beautiful @asperad tagging  :     @perfectevil because i know a bitch has a lot to say,    but everyone in the scream fandom pls bc i love all these characters thanks

[adoptabledogs]

Bardi is re-listed on 12/1/19.

12/1/19: added videos.

11/24/19: added video.

11/19/19: updated in-shelter observations.

11/18/19: added bio.

Bardi

Hello, my name is Bardi. My animal id is #80514. I am a female white dog at the Brooklyn Animal Care Center. The shelter thinks I am about 3 years 2 weeks old.

I came into the shelter as a stray on 11/2/2019.

Sorry, this pet is for new hope partners only.

Bardi was placed at risk due to behavioral concerns; Bardi has been observed to escalate to defensive aggression when approached or attempting to handle her. Bardi warms up readily toward novel handlers but would be best set up to succeed if placed with an experienced rescue partner who can allow her to acclimate and decompress at her own pace, prior to reassessing her behavior in a more stable environment and seeking permanent placement. Bardi is otherwise healthy.

You may know me from such films as...

https://youtu.be/kIA-mmgYUcQ

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=aeea0Tx4qbo&feature=youtu.be

https://youtu.be/ag0tOJiaFhk

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qNby9OvGj2w&fbclid=IwAR2qECfGmRvlIMFg7SC4T7yiQBN1_ydBgbA7kpQIe3FA5UPb113AjeIRpSM

Let's get to know each other a bit more...

A staff member writes : I wanna party with Bardi !!! this cutie pie is just awesome !! Bardi was super shy in the beginning and stood to the back of her kennel . We would go on walks and she would just remain calm and cool walking perfectly on the leash . When she was ready to show me just how amazing she was , she blew me away !! This little lady has great energy!! from wanting to play ball , to dancing with her favorite staff members , to running and jumping as high has she can . She takes treats so so gently and loves to get lots of pets and back scratches. Bardi is just the perfect dog no matter what the vibe is , if its a chill vibe you want she will snuggle right next to you . If it fun vibe you want she is the perfect part animal for you ! so come give this beauty a chance to wow you !!!

My medical notes are...

Weight: 58 lbs

Vet Notes

11/2/2019

[DVM Intake]

DVM Intake Exam

Estimated age:2-3y

Microchip noted on Intake?n

History:DOH

Subjective:bar

Observed Behavior - limited exam, whale-eyed, muzzled and resistant to a lot of handling

Evidence of Cruelty seen -n

Evidence of Trauma seen -n

Objective

T =

P = 120

R = nsf

BCS 4/9

EENT: Eyes clear, ears clean, no nasal or ocular discharge noted

Oral Exam: incomplete assessment, but no overt lesions around mouth

PLN: No enlargements noted

H/L: NSR, NMA, CRT < 2, Lungs clear, eupnic

ABD: Non painful, no masses palpated

U/G: FI - very prominent mg and vulva

MSI: Ambulatory x 4, skin free of parasites, no masses noted, healthy hair coat

CNS: Mentation appropriate - no signs of neurologic abnormalities

Rectal:ne

Wood's Lamp Exam:neg

Assessment: 2-3 yr fi large mixed breed dog

1) apparently healthy

Prognosis:excellent

Plan:

1) ovh and placement

SURGERY:

Okay for surgery

Details on my behavior are...

Behavior Condition: 3. Yellow

Behavior History

Behavior Assessment

Upon intake Bardi was walking around but allowed limited handling. She started to growl and bark hard when the counselor attempted to put a leash on her. Counselor was unable to collar.

Date of Intake: 11/2/2019

Spay/Neuter Status: Unknown

Basic Information:: Bardi was surrendered to BACC as a stray dog. She was found tied to a post.

Previously lived with:: unknown

How is this dog around strangers?: Bardi is shy and allows limited handling around strangers.

Energy level/descriptors:: medium

Behavior Assessment

Date of intake:: 11/2/2019

Spay/Neuter status:: No

Means of surrender (length of time in previous home):: Stray, limited history

Previously lived with:: Unknown

Behavior toward strangers:: Initially growl; Warms up, allows handling

Behavior toward children:: Unknown

Behavior toward dogs:: Unknown

Behavior toward cats:: Unknown

Bite history:: 11/2/19: Finders reported Bardi to have had a recent bite incident with the resident nine month old puppy (King). King was reported to approach Bardi when she entered the home, displaying soft and loose body language and attempting to engage in play. Bardi was observed to growl, bare her teeth and rush forward before biting and holding King's left leg before shaking him. The finders were able to separate the two dogs and surrender Bardi to the care center. This bite incident resulted in three punctures to King's left leg.

Summary:: Leash Walking

Strength and pulling: Mild-no pulling

Reactivity to humans: None

Reactivity to dogs: Focuses on novel dogs encountered during her walks on-leash; Readily refocuses

Leash walking comments:

Sociability

Loose in room (15-20 seconds): Neutral and loose, tail wagging, panting, tense head, ears erect, stays near door, jumps up, whining, vocalizes/hard barks, somewhat distracted; Warms up, approaches readily, accepts treats softly,

Call over: Approaches then moves away, distracted/displacement; Approaches with some coaxing

Sociability comments:

Handling

Soft handling: Neutral-soft, tail neutral, panting, ears back, moves away somewhat, accepts contact, lip licking

Exuberant handling: Neutral-soft, tail neutral, panting, ears erect, accepts contact

Handling comments:

Arousal

Jog: Engages in play with handler, soft and loose, tail high, some huffing

Arousal comments: Some whining prior to start of jog

Knock

Knock Comments: Follows assistant toward door as she exits, panting, whining, sits down near door; No response to knock; Approaches assistant readily, soft and loose, tail wagging, panting, lolling tongue, ears erect

Toy

Toy comments: Minimal interest; Somewhat distracted by assess-a-hand; Grips and relinquishes

Summary:: Bardi was surrendered as a stray so her past behavior with other dogs is unknown.

11/8: Due to Bardi’s DOH status only a gate greet was conducted. She is introduced to a novel male and she greet him with a tense before walking away to seek attention from known handlers.

11/15: Bardi greeted a novel male with a softer posture today. But she kept to herself and ignored the male for the duration of the session. When the male approaches Bardi for a face to face greet, stiffens, but does not escalate. Bardi sought attention from known handlers.

Date of intake:: 11/2/2019

Summary:: Pacing; Allowed limited handling; Growled and hard barked when attempting to place rope on her

Date of initial:: 11/2/2019

Summary:: Whale eyed, resisted handling; Muzzled; Limited handling performed

ENERGY LEVEL:: Bardi has been observed to exhibit a medium level of energy during her interactions in the care center. We cannot be certain of her behavior in a home environment, but we recommend that she be provided daily mental and physical stimulation as an outlet for her energy.

IN SHELTER OBSERVATIONS:: 11/19: Although Bardi is fearful around novel people, she becomes comfortable when offered treats. She enjoys fetch and always returns the ball and drops it. With familiar handlers, she allows petting and sits next to them. She displays a soft, wiggle body and engages in play with them.

BEHAVIOR DETERMINATION:: New Hope Only

Behavior Asilomar: TM - Treatable-Manageable

Recommendations:: No children (under 13),Place with a New Hope partner

Recommendations comments:: No children (under 13): Due to Bardi's observed handling sensitivity, fearful behavior and anxiety, combined with her recent bite history (dog), we feel she would be best set up to succeed in an adult-only home at this time.

Place with a New Hope partner: Although she has shown significant improvement since her admission to the care center, Bardi has been observed to escalate to defensive aggression when approached or attempting to handle her. Bardi warms up readily toward novel handlers, but would be best set up to succeed if placed with an experienced rescue partner who can allow her to acclimate and decompress at her own pace, prior to reassessing her behavior in a more stable environment and seeking permanent placement. Force-free, reward based training only is advised when introducing or exposing Bardi to new and unfamiliar situations, as well as utilizing guidance from a qualified, professional trainer/behaviorist.

Potential challenges: : Handling/touch sensitivity,Fearful/potential for defensive aggression,Anxiety,Bite history (dog)

Potential challenges comments:: Handling sensitivity | Fearful/potential for defensive aggression: Although Bardi displays social behavior, she exhibits initial fearful behavior when introduced or exposed to new situations, where she has been observed to escalate to growling and hard barking when approached or uncomfortable. Bardi has also exhibited similar behavior when attempting to handler her, although settles readily after some time. Bardi has shown significant improvement during her interactions since her admission to the care center, but should never be forced to interact or approach if she is not comfortable. Positive association should be paired with anything Bardi displays fear toward. Please refer to the handout for Decompression period and Handling/touch sensitivity, as well as the handout on Fearful/potential for defensive aggression.

Bite history (dog): Finder reported Bardi to have had a recent bite incident with their resident puppy in the home, resulting in three punctures (SEE BITE HISTORY). Please refer to the handout for Bite history (dog).

Anxiety: Bardi exhibits anxious behavior during her interactions in the care center, where she has been observed to pant, whine and exhibit some displacement behavior. Please refer to the handout for Generalized Anxiety.

[meganlpie]

Teacher

Requested by @iwillbeinmynest :Hey Lovely! May I request a Jefferson x Reader fic? Maybe she's his daughter's teacher and he falls for her? I hate being overly specific bc I get worried that it will hinder your creativity. Maybe Grace tries to set them up or purposely gets in trouble so Jefferson has to go down to the school? Idk, shape it however you wish! Have fun with it!!

Here’s your one-shot, lovely! I do not own Jefferson or Grace. They belong to abc’s Once Upon a Time(and I honestly wish they’d come back!)

Warnings: Awkward fluff!

Pairings: Jefferson/Mad Hatter x fem!reader x daughter!Grace 

When Jefferson got Grace back, he expect to have some struggles. After all, they had been separated for over twenty-eight years. He knew it would be an adjustment for his daughter to come home with him after living with another family for so long. What he didn't expect was for Grace to start getting in trouble at school.

               Jefferson's brows furrowed when his phone rang. No one ever called him except Emma on occasion. "Hello?" Jefferson was even more confused when a small feminine voice replied, "Papa, can you come to the school? I got in trouble." Jefferson froze. "What do you mean, you got in trouble?" He could hear shuffling on the other end of the phone. "I got in trouble for talking in class and not turning in my homework." Jefferson sighed. That wasn't like Grace. "I'll be there soon."

               Jefferson raced to the school and practically broke your classroom door down. "Jefferson?" you asked in surprise. Jefferson glanced at you and noticed confusion written all over your face. The face that Jefferson had come to adore looking at. He had a major crush on you, like a love-sick teenager. "What are you doing here?"

               It was Jefferson's turn to be confused. "What do you mean? Grace called me and said I needed to come get her. Something about being in trouble." You laughed. "Grace? In trouble? Jefferson, are you sure we're talking about the same Grace?" Jefferson crossed his arms across his chest, clearly unamused. "I just know what she said." Your brows furrowed. That really wasn't the Grace you knew.

               "Hmm...Jefferson?" He glanced at you. "Has Grace been adjusting okay?" He nodded. "I think so." You pulled out your grade book. "I mean, her grades have improved since the curse broke, but lying about being in trouble is strange." There was silence between you as you both thought. Then Jefferson had a thought. "She has been asking about my love life a lot lately. Whether I see myself getting married. Things like that."

               "Funny. She's been asking me similar questions. Jefferson, I do believe your daughter is trying to set us up." You bit back your laughter. This was a first for you. "I think you may be right. The question is why?" You stood up and came around your desk. "I think Grace just wants you to be happy. You have her back, but I can guess you still feel a little...incomplete." Jefferson shrugged. "Maybe."

               The room was suddenly filled with awkward tension. Jefferson cleared his throat. "Well...I should get going. Thank you for your time. I need to go find my daughter." He headed for the door, but your voice stopped him. "Jefferson, wait!" He glanced over his shoulder. You smoothed your top as you felt your face heat up and said, "I wouldn't want to disappoint Grace. So, maybe you'd like to go out sometime. We could grab dinner or go for drinks."

               Jefferson grinned. "How about breakfast at Granny's with me and Grace this weekend? It might make things a little less awkward." You couldn't fight the smile making its way to your lips. "I'd love to." Jefferson left the room but looked through the little window on your door to see you doing a happy dance. He had to fight not to laugh out loud at how cute you were. He was definitely looking forward to breakfast with you.

               That weekend, you walked into Granny's and scanned the little diner. Jefferson waved you over. He was sporting a bright smile that reached his beautiful blue eyes. "Hi, Ms. Y/L/N!" You smiled at Grace. "Good morning, Grace. Thank you for inviting me out to have breakfast with you." You slid into the booth across from Jefferson. At first, it was really awkward, but by the time your food came, the three of you were chatting happily.

               "I need to go to the bathroom," Grace said suddenly, bolting from the booth and running toward the back. You shook your head at her with a soft smile. Glancing back at Jefferson, you saw he was already looking at you. "Thank you, for this. Maybe I can take you out just the two of us next time?" You nodded. "Yes. Absolutely yes. I've really enjoyed getting to know you and learning a bit more about Grace."

               The two of you continued to talk for a few minutes before Jefferson glanced at his pocket watch in confusion. "She's been in there a while." You frowned. "Yeah, she has." Suddenly, Jefferson chuckled and pointed behind you. You looked back and saw Grace sitting outside with Henry. "She did it to us again." He nodded. "Yes, she did. She's very stubborn." You reached over and placed your hand over his. "I'm glad," you whispered gazing into his eyes. "Me too."

               You and Jefferson ended up going out again that weekend, this time without Grace. After that, you saw each other whenever possible. As time went on, Jefferson fell in love with you and you with him. Then came the day he asked you to marry him. You couldn't say yes fast enough. Then, there was one more big surprise.

               "Grace, can you come in here please?" Jefferson called from one of the many rooms in your large house. Grace's hurried footsteps echoed through the house as she came barreling into the room. "Papa? Is everything alright?" You and Jefferson exchanged a glance. "Everything's fine, Grace." You cleared your throat and gestured for Grace to come closer.

               "Grace, I want to thank you. For being such a wonderful daughter. I have two questions for you." Grace nodded, her face a mask of seriousness. "How would you feel about having a little brother or sister?" Grace grinned and began jumping in her seat. "Really?! You're having a baby?" You nodded, tears coming to your eyes. "I'm going to be a big sister!"

  ��            Jefferson rested his hand on your shoulder, indicating that you should continue. "I'm glad you're excited." She stopped, remembering something. "What's the other question?" You exhaled loudly. "I know that a new baby can take a lot of care and attention, but I don't want you to feel as though I love you any less than the baby just because I'm not your real mother. So, your father and I wanted to ask you if you would be okay with me adopting you?"

               In a fraction of a second, Grace's arms were wrapped around your neck. "Yes! I would love it! Thank you, Mama!" You really were crying now and so was Jefferson. His eyes watered as he watched the scene between his two favorite women in the world. His heart nearly burst with the love he felt for all of you. You, Grace, and your unborn child. His family.

(a/n: I hope you like it!)

Tagging: @fairytalesexistxx @brewsthespirit-blog @learisa

[itskimtaehyung]

I Miss You(ngi)

Anonymous said: I miss yoongi 😣💙💜 can u write a quick fluff senario [sic] for yoongi?? 

A/N: So this is neither quick nor a scenario bc i got carried away oops. Also the title..... I couldn’t help myself I'm sorry. Also it was originally 2299 words but i couldnt have that so i added one

Pairing: Yoongi x Reader

Summary: Yoongi is away on tour and you miss him terribly. However, he checks up on you whenever he can and makes sure to call everyday. 

Genre: Fluff

Word count: 2300

Content: Cute phone conversations, really fluffy stuff, numerous uses of the word “asshole”

Sneak Peak:

“Hey, babe. I just got off stage. Have you eaten yet? Did you watch the broadca—”

“Your dog hates me,” you interrupt. Holly still refuses to come out from under the couch.

“He’s just shy. Give him a some time to adjust,” he laughs.

“It’s been two weeks! He still avoids me and rips up my stuff. Yoongi, I miss you. Are you sure you can’t come home for just a little bit? I don’t want to be spending the holiday alone.” You pout even though you know he can’t see it.

BARK BARK BARK.

You look over your shoulder to see Min Holly jumping frantically and barking up a storm. You get up from your desk where you had been studying to see what has him so startled.

“What is it Holly? What do you see?” You ask the small, brown puppy.

Holly continues barking and jumping up, clawing at the TV screen that you had forgotten to turn off before starting your study session. That’s when you see your boyfriend, Min Yoongi, up on stage, performing with the rest of BTS. You unmute the program so that Holly can hear his father’s voice. This silences him, and he sits back on his paws, mesmerized by the show.

“Don’t worry, little one. I miss him, too.” You pet Holly on the head and scratch between his ears. “Sadly, he won’t be home for a few more weeks. It looks like you and I are going to have to spend the Lunar New Year with each other.” Holly lets out a quick bark and squirms from under your hand. “Hey! It won’t be that bad! Do you really not like me that much?” He runs away and you try to chase him, but he darts under the couch before you can catch him.

You love Holly, and when Yoongi asked you to watch him while he was gone, you were more than happy to oblige. The feelings, however, were not mutual. You have no idea why this dog could have so much disdain towards you. Or how this cute little being could be full of so much hatred. You guess it might have something to do with the fact that, in the weeks leading up to the tour, Yoongi wanted to spend as much time with you as he could, and stayed most nights at your place, leaving Holly back home. Or maybe because you had only met Holly a handful of times, and suddenly he was moved from the comfort of Bangtan’s apartment, to the unfamiliarity of yours. You tried being friendly, giving him treats which he snatched out of your hand to take under the couch where he would finish enjoying them, or letting him sleep on your bed, which still faintly smelled of Yoongi from the last night he spent at your place. Holly, however, would not relent. Sometimes you would come home to ripped up pillows or books pulled off the shelves. It’s not like you could really do anything. You could never hurt another creature, especially one as cute as Holly. Even the squirt bottle seemed too harsh for you.

Once the program ends, you switch off the TV and leave Holly to nap under the couch by himself.  You’re about to get back to studying when your phone rings, the Blood Sweat and Tears instrumental filling the room.

“Hey, babe. I just got off stage. Have you eaten yet? Did you watch the broadca—”

“Your dog hates me,” you interrupt, with Holly still refusing to come out from under the couch.

“He’s just shy. Give him some time to adjust,” he laughs.

“It’s been two weeks! He still avoids me and rips up my stuff. Yoongi, I miss you. Are you sure you can’t come home for just a little bit? I don’t want to be spending the holiday alone.” You pout even though you know he can’t see it.

“I’m sorry, Y/N, I miss you too. We’re going to be in Indonesia for the new year and Japan until the middle of February. You know if I could come home, I would.” You can tell he means it, but that doesn’t make you miss him any less.

“You’re going to be gone for Seollal and Valentine’s Day? You’re the worst boyfriend ever,” you tease.

“I know, I know. I suck. But the company is really pushing the promotion for our japanese album right now so they’re trying to get us to do as many shows as we can.”

“Yeah, I know. I just miss you so much.” You feign a sniffle.

“Yah, Yoongi-hyung! We’ve got to get going!” You hear Jimin scream on the other side of the line.

“Okay I’m coming! Give me a sec!” Yoongi replies, then turns his attention back towards you. “I miss you a lot too, Y/N. Don’t worry. I’ll still call you everyday like I’ve been doing. I’ve got to go now, but I love you.”

“I love you, too.”

“Good night, my love. I’ll talk to you tomorrow.”

“Good night.”

Around midnight you try to fall asleep with no success. Holly has since come out from his hiding place and is now sleeping on one of Yoongi’s sweatshirts that he pulled out of the closet. You reach over to the nightstand to grab your cellphone, it’s bright screen illuminating your face as you scroll through your contact list until you find the number you’re looking for.

“Hello?” You hear his groggy voice through your phone. You suddenly feel guilty for waking him from his sleep which you know he hasn’t been getting much of lately.

“Yoongi?” You say hesitantly.

“Mm? Babe, what’s up? Are you okay?” He mumbles, still not completely out of his slumber.

“Yeah, I’m just having trouble falling asleep. When I said you were the worst boyfriend ever, you know I didn’t mean it, right?”

“Hm? Mm yeah yeah, I know you weren’t serious.”

“Okay good.”

“Is that why you couldn’t sleep?”

“.... Maybe.”

“You don’t have to worry about that, silly. I know you love me.”

“I do. I really do.”

“I love you, too. Now get some sleep. You don’t want to be too tired for school tomorrow.”

“Yoongi, it’s Friday.”

“What? Oh, right, right.” You kind of feel bad for him. He’s probably so overworked that he doesn’t even remember what day it is. You want nothing more than to be there with him to take the stress away.

“It sounds like you’re the one who needs the sleep. I’m sorry I woke you up. With all the shows and promotions and stuff, I know you guys don’t get to sleep much.”

“It’s not a big deal, Y/N. You know I love talking to you and hearing your voice.”

“Yes, I do. And as much as I love talking to you too, I also care about your health. So I’m going to hang up now and you better get some rest or else once you get home I’m gonna whoop your ass.” You hear him chuckle lightly on the other end.

“Okay. Good night, Y/N. I love you.”

“Love you more. Good night.” With that, you hang up and drift off to sleep.

The weeks pass slowly as you complete assignment after assignment and have to buy new pillows way more than you want to only to have them ripped up by Holly when you’re not looking. The end of January approaches, and you start seeing decorations for the New Year pop up all over Seoul.

The first day of the Seollal celebration falls on a Saturday. You wake up to a silent apartment that seems colder than usual. Yoongi’s absence is more noticeable today. You and Yoongi always spent the New Year together, so being without him on this holiday feels incredibly foreign. The previous years, you two would sleep in until the daylight pouring in from the window makes it impossible to stay asleep any longer. Then one of you would drag the other out of bed for brunch. Since the Bangtan apartment was often quite hectic this time of year, with family members visiting and the overall excitement of having time off, Yoongi opted to spend Seollal with you at your place. He liked your place a lot better than his. It was quiet, clean, and had a spacious kitchen.

Though neither of you were very good at cooking, it had become an annual tradition to attempt making tteok-guk as good as eomma did. Of course, being from different regions, the two of you could never agree on what constituted the best tteok-guk. Yoongi thought simple was best, and insisted that the two of you make it with just beef stock and rice cakes. “It’ll save us a lot of work,” he argued. But you, being from Busan, felt that the dish was incomplete without some kind of seafood.

“Should we even bother with the tteok-guk this year?” You ask Holly when you get out of bed and walk to the kitchen. “I mean I really don’t see a point without Yoongi here.”

Holly’s ears perk up at the sound of his father’s name, however gives no other reaction. You sigh and give the dog his food before pouring yourself a bowl of cereal. You’re eating your cereal and watching cartoons on the couch when you hear a knock on the door. You wonder who it could be, since all your friends went home for the holiday.

You set the cereal bowl down and walk over to the door, not bothering to look through the peephole before opening it. You swing the door open to see the elderly couple from a couple of doors down.

“Hi, darling.” The wife greets. “We heard you were spending Seollal alone this year and we just wanted you to know that we’re having a small gathering with our family down the hall and that our door is open if you want to join us.”

“Oh, no, Mrs. Kim. I’m quite alright on my own. I have to watch over Holly, anyway.” You gesture toward Holly who is in the kitchen, still scarfing down her breakfast. “Thank you for the offer, though.”

“Well, the both of you are welcome if you change your mind,” Mr. Kim adds.

“Thank you.” You bow to them before closing the door.

Later that night when Yoongi calls, you had long ago fallen asleep in front of the TV. You wake up at around 4am to see that he left a voicemail.

Hey, Y/N. Just calling to check up on you. Sorry again that I can’t be home with you for Seollal. Judging by the time, you’re probably asleep already. Did you have too much fun without me? Drink till you passed out already? No, I’m kidding haha. I know you’re tired from school and work and all that. Also, having an asshole like me for a boyfriend probably takes a toll on you, too. Speaking of my assholery, our Japan promotions have been extended, so I won’t be home until March. I’m really sorry. Both for being away and for having to tell you over voicemail like this. Anyway, I love you. Always remember that. Even when I forget to call, or seem rushed when we talk. Remember that I love you. Good night, Y/N. I’ll talk to you soon.

You want to cry. Three months without seeing Yoongi is too much. If it weren’t for school you would fly out to wherever he was and join him, much like some of the other members’ girlfriends were doing. You’re too tired from this whole situation so you decide to just go to bed and deal with your feelings in the morning.

This year Valentine’s Day falls on a Tuesday. You’re so worried about your chemistry exam that afternoon that you nearly forget about the holiday until a couple your friends tell you they’re going to dinner with their boyfriends, and that you could tag along if you wanted. You politely decline, not wanting to be the fifth wheel on their double date.

Thus you spend your Valentine’s day much like you spent your Seollal: on the couch watching TV. You haven’t heard from Yoongi all day, but pay no mind to it. His calls have been becoming less frequent lately and you assume it’s because of his insane schedules. You’re starting to doze off when you hear a knock on the door followed by a voice saying, “Delivery!” You open the door to see someone standing there, holding a big bouquet of red, heart-shaped balloons that cover the top half of his body, including his face.

“Delivery for Y/N?” The balloons say.

“Yeah that’s me.”

The delivery boy lowers the balloons to reveal his squinty eyes and gummy smile you know and love.

“Yoongi!” He sets down the balloon bouquet and you throw your arms around him as he pulls you in for a long awaited hug. “I missed you so much. Oh my god, I’m about to cry.”

“Aww, Y/N. Don’t cry. I’m here. I’m here.” He says softly into your hair.

You pull back to look at him. “Yeah, why are you here?” You raise an eyebrow at him. “I thought you were going to be in Japan until March?”

“Um… So, I kind of lied. Ow!” He rubs the arm that you just punched. “What!? I wanted to surprise you!”

“Min Yoongi, you’re an asshole!”

“I know, I know. But I’m here now. And I’m your asshole.”

“God that’s so cheesy, stop!” You laugh and finally kiss him on the lips for the first time in two and a half months. “I missed you. I missed you so much.”

“I missed you more.” He says, folding you back into his arms.

“Not possible,” you reply.

“Totally possible.” At that moment Holly decides to interrupt the two of you and starts pawing at his father’s legs. “And I missed you, too, Holly.” He says to the small brown thing.

You watch the two of them get reaquainted when you suddenly remember, “Wait. Does this mean you’re done with promotions? You’re here to stay? At least for a while I mean.”

He looks at you with the love and fondness you so missed and says, “Yeah. I’m here to stay.”

[plotmaster]

psycho pass/yoi crossover

I try not to post incomplete things on here, but someone on my dash mentioned a psycho pass/yoi crossover, so here’s general idea boiling (thanks to @kiiyoshi for chatting through this with me) it may be a bit confusing because this is just ideas: 

I think if I did write the crossover it would have Yuuri as an Enforcer/former Inspector bc on a stressful case anxiety kicked in and he fucked up and his CC shot up and has stayed above 120 ever since, but he's still good at the job so they kept him in the team. Phichit was his partner Inspector, is currently the Inspector in charge of the Division, they trained under Celestino at some point. 

Victor could either be an antag that wants to coax Yuuri away from the MWPSB because they had an encounter years back when he was still an Inspector that Yuuri remembers jack shit about but makes Victor want him on his side (and in his bed, because it's them). Yuri and the rest of the Russian team could possibly be from a Russia-based terrorist cell that's dreadfully interested in taking out the System?

They want someone that has a lot of know-how on how the System works, so what better way than to get one of the dogs of the system on their side?

Victor: it's a totally logical decision, guys 

Yuri: NO YOU'RE THINKING WITH YOUR DICK AGAIN AREN'T YOU 

Victor: Yuuri Katsuki is what we need- 

Yuri: no you NEED TO GO DROWN IN THE SEA TO DEAL WITH YOUR THIRST AND THINK STRAIGHT

 Victor: but I'm not straight 

Yuri: WHY ARE YOU THE TEAM LEADER FFS

Guang-Hong is a babyfaced Enforcer with a high CC for unknown reasons and is proficient with hand-to-hand general beating the shit out of people if he's disarmed, Leo is another Enforcer. Minako is their analyst. 

Yuuri could have been an ice skater sanctioned by the System but he lost some of his passion for it (no Victor to inspire him) and decided to become an Inspector instead, he met Phichit and the Training Academy and they've been friends ever since, Phichit finds it awkward to boss Yuuri around so their Division actually works okay with one Inspector because he trusts Yuuri with responsibility. Phichit is a Good.

Victor and his team have been stationed in Japan for almost a decade, making connections and getting information. Yuuri used to ice skate before he took the aptitude test, and Victor would watch his stuff and was a fan and was hugely disappointed when Yuuri dropped off the figure skating radar. Years later when the team is starting to ramp up their activities (cultivating rebel groups/sympathies among citizens) Victor finds out that Yuuri became an Inspector. Team starts making more blatant strikes at the system like spreading drugs that made readings unstable so that innocent people ended up being put in confinement to spread public outrage (almost like the Talisman incident with a bunch of innocent people getting arrested, there was a bunch of outrage afterwards)

Victor finds out Yuuri is an Inspector because his team showed up to handle that incident, and he's been stalking Yuuri's case work ever since. Fortunately the case which tipped Yuuri over the edge was not directly because of Victor. Maybe It was a serial murder case - no someone poisoned several water system pipes (it was a plumber) and it was just incredibly difficult because so many people were getting admitted to the hospital and CCs were increasing because of stress and Yuuri broke. They still solved the case but afterwards he was put under confinement for six months and was offered to become an Enforcer.

Russia team made plans to break Yuuri out of confinement and get him to join but the System beat them to it??

Plot would be relatively lighthearted, I think. Yuuri is suddenly running into this hot guy during missions, Victor is blatantly basically trying to seduce him. Victor also checks out from being a suspect because his CC is low- he's probably not involved with these various cases. And Victor actually isn't involved in  these cases... he's just stalking Yuuri.

 Eventually though the Russia team concocts this huge plan that sends the city into chaos for days on end (helmet riots like Makishima did) and Yuuri is running around trying to keep things under control. At some point the hot stranger approaches him and offers him freedom from the system. It's the perfect time for Yuuri to run away, but he refuses because he has a duty to help these people. Cue an epic knife fight between Yuuri and Yuri (who jumped outta nowhere, had tracked Victor, was planning on killing Yuuri if he said no) and Yuuri escaping. Everyone yells at Victor for endangering the plan because now Katsuki knows and he's not joining them, Victor you fucked up.

But Yuuri managed to tell Victor to meet him again? He'll listen to what Victor has to say at least. Later when there’s no angry blonds trying to kill him. 

Second meeting ends up suspiciously like a date while Victor tries to seduce Yuuri to their side. 

Third meeting, Victor breaks down why the System is horrible and is very surprised when Yuuri snaps at him that he knows. 

Victor: oh

Yuuri: but just because the system is terrible doesn't mean that your methods are right either!

Victor: I'm not denying that what we're doing is wrong, and that our methods aren't good. But if you join us, you'll be free from the System, and you can make sure that our methods don't stray too far. 

Yuuri contemplates his friends. Phichit, Leo, Guang Hong. They'll miss him. They'll have KOS orders on him if he leaves. But he also remembers his horrible time in solitary, other people's screams.

And he takes Victor’s hand. 

Helmet Riots take several days to clean up, and since Phichit trusts Yuuri, Yuuri was able to run around doing his job with no handler, other than required check-ins on his status- and his watch is tracked, of course

So the meetings take place during the Helmet Riot cleanup. Victor trails behind Yuuri and helps him out while they talk

Their second/third meeting/date probably involves at least fifteen people being Paralyzed and arrested. Yuuri's modus operandi was to knock helmets off and shoot them, Victor makes things easier by knocking them off for him

Yuuri: you do realize this is YOUR fault //shoots another rioter

Victor: well yes, but I'm helping you, aren't I? 

Yuuri: I should punch you once this is over. 

Victor: if it means that I'll get to hold your hand later okay :D 

Sybil System is only in Japan, but in the movie they start trying to spread it to other countries so Russia wants them to Stop That   

Russia team  fakes Yuuri's death. he feels terrible when someone tells him that Phichit and his Division have been visiting his grave 

I would probably end it with Yuuri settling in with the Russia team and being together with Victor and them vowing to take down the System together. Maybe an epilogue years later: The truth has been revealed, and people are in shock. Phichit is hiding in his house not going to work because there's no point. 

And the door opens, and it's his long-dead friend.

"Hi Phichit. I came to pick you up."    

In summary: Division 5 is lead by Inspector Phichit Chulanont. Enforcers are Katsuki Yuuri, Guang-Hong Ji, and Leo de Iglesia. Okukawa Minako is the analyst.

Russia wants to take out the System because in the movie, the Sibyl System starts to spread to other countries. Let’s say that this is before that point in time, and Russia has heard of the Sibyl System wanting to spread, so they’ve sent the team to undermine it in order to prevent the System from spreading. Team consists of Victor Nikiforov, Mila Babichiva, Yuri Plisetsky, Georgi Popovich. Christophe Giacometti is a free agent from Switzerland that is aiding them. 

I have other thoughts on this AU but this post is long enough lmao.