#i may be making a lot of assumptions

[tamedgod]

i like to think , at least , things can't get any worse . // from kouei but to haru !!!

florence & the machine 《HEAVILY accepting》

chin resting in her hands, she's contemplative as he speaks, listening to his lament in silence. grey eyes watched him closely, analyzing his expression and movements. while the two had grown close throughout the years, haru found that getting a true read on kouei was akin to untangling a ball of yarn; for every knot undone, another one laid not far behind it. however, the difficulty of understanding the reality of the other's thoughts and feelings was nothing compared to haru's unending curiosity and tenacity — truly it was catnip to her nosiness.

and so with absolutely no hesitation she pushes up from her seat at the table, smoothly hopping straight over it to land in the seat beside kouei, now directly shoulder to shoulder with him. she purposely tilts over to lightly bonk her head against his own, leaving herself leaned against him as she heaved a sigh.

"...well, even if things do get worse, you have me, dummy." spoken very plainly, as if he might have forgotten such a fact. "xiao, too — but you and i both know he is more than capable of making things worse all on his own."

a small, gentle smile shows itself upon her features as haru lifts her head from kouei's, turning to really study him again. stormy grey eyes search his impossibly blue ones, attempting to see past the dead look that seemed to plague the other. she cants her head to the side as she stares at him, before reaching up to brush some hair out of his face. she opens her mouth to speak, voice soft and tone sprinkled with genuine care and concern.

"you always have something going on in there, don't you?" she gives his forehead a couple light taps. "even if you don't always show it."

[butch-with-a-deep-voice]

Me: Trans masc/trans man butches are sacred and deserve a space in the sapphic community as much as any other butch Also me: Can I please have a single post on this site about butches that refer to me, a butch, as a girl? As a treat? I really don't like being called a boy

[anderscim]

✦ another (even wilder) theory with bagel

similar to my teruko theory, this one also has a lot of room for rebuttal. to be honest, a lot of the evidence i have for this is quite flimsy (_ _;)

this theory is mainly about mai akasaki’s connection to the cast, and how it relates to the killing game in general.

take this with a grain of salt as always

//spoilers for up to chapter 2 part 1 of drdt

//additional spoilers for bonus content, such as the bonus episodes and the new “literature girl insane” MV

there shouldn’t be any tally5 spoilers if i’m not wrong ( ・∇・)

here’s one question i have for you all: how many members in the cast, right now, actually know mai akasaki?

it’s definitely implied in the bonus episodes and the quotes on her character page that she’s connected with everyone in the current cast, but there was a paradox i noticed—if it even is one, that is (-.-;)—that led me to think that this question…may actually be a lot more complicated than it seems.

let’s bring up the bonus episodes first. min’s bonus episode is definitely during their time at hope’s peak. they’re literally at the school, studying about it, discussing min’s “role” as an ultimate compared to the other students, etc. basically, many details point to min and “unnamed classmate” (who is presumably mai, based on the flowers in the dialogue box of the bonus episodes matching up with those on mai’s tattoo) being students of hope’s peak academy in the united states. though there’s no physical evidence or exact basis for this, i would personally like to think that xander’s bonus episode is placed during spring break at the academy. he is talking to his “classmate,” after all—and in that case, it would also chronologically line up with min’s (whose bonus episode takes place a week before spring break).

presumably, the other bonus episodes will follow a similar pattern, and we will see mai/UC talking to other members of the DRDT cast to get to know them more. i will assume this means that the whole cast, not just min and xander, have been to hope’s peak before—and attended class as students there. after all, it would be the only way the bonus episodes would make sense.

however, the dialogue from the first few episodes of the series suggests something else.

as implied from the dialogue, all of the students believe they are only entering the entrance ceremony of hope’s peak as freshmen, and had no previous affiliation with the school. including xander.

obviously, this means that at the very least, their memories have been tampered with to remove anything regarding their experience at hope’s peak academy.

— sorry, very quick side tangent (*'▽'*) going by this theory, if the drdt cast genuinely went to hope’s peak, it’s very likely that they had to do a bunch of paperwork and submit a lot of information for their enrollment—which probably includes medical information and any accommodations that were necessary for their well-being. additionally, if we assume that the cast attended hope’s peak for a year or a few years, it’s likely that whoever the mastermind is, they had the time to know the rest of their classmates well enough to be able to identify their preferences either way, this would actually be a pretty strong explanation as to why many components of their environment seem to be extremely fine-tuned to their preferences and necessities, despite no recollection of sharing that information with anyone involved in the killing game. though i bet this was already obvious, i felt like it was something i probably should bring up.

—

in that case, however���how would it affect their memories with mai?

as i can’t exactly speculate for the other students, i’m going to trace back to what i know. at the very least, it seems to be implied that min only met mai after being admitted into hope’s peak academy. min essentially drove her entire life around schoolwork, and studying for the “ultimate contest for eminent students,” the test that allowed min to receive her title—it’s likely that before then, she never surrounded herself with friends nor had any time for herself to explore her own hobbies. which probably means that she wasn’t acquainted with mai before enrolling into hope’s peak.

her backstory is really sad, by the way. i really wish she lived longer ( ´△｀)

as for when it comes to the other characters, i would like to remind you that hope’s peak scouts across the country for their students—so it’s more logical to assume that many of them resided in hometowns that were very far away from each other. so unless mai’s talent was the ultimate traveler or something, i think it would be very improbable for her to know everyone in the cast before their admittance into hope’s peak.

taking this into account, and assuming that the cast’s memories of hope’s peak were completely erased, there’s a possibility that the cast doesn’t remember mai akasaki, despite her connections with them. the only exception would be teruko, who clearly remembers mai—and seems to have been helped by her when enrolling into the academy in the first place, pointed out by this theory here by @laly-481.

…or at least, that’s what i thought at first—until someone decided to kick in the door while holding a new music video.

i guess in that case, the biggest question i should answer is this—why does david remember mai?

getting into very, very wild theory territory here. take what i’m about to say with a grain of salt assuming that the music video is really a reflection of david’s worldview and thought process, please ignore the fact that i’m acting like the antithesis of occam’s razor right now, then there’s no reason for mai akasaki to be featured in the video—much less have a photo of her placed in a wooden frame—if he didn’t remember her.

yet, there she is, on the right:

she even has a little description about how she was “someone dearly loved,” which fits perfectly with her character and the secret quotes on her profile page.

this is indicative of the fact that david remembers mai—and knows her well enough to even make an accurate statement about her. but, how?

obviously there’s the simpler explanation of “david knew mai before they went to hope’s peak,” which is of course a totally valid explanation—however, some details about the new music video made me consider a possible, different theory.

a grain of salt? more like, a mountain of salt from here on out

when i was watching the “literature girl insane” music video earlier, i noticed something interesting about this frame: 

here, xander doesn’t have his eyepatch. though i’m not throwing away the possibility that this was just a technical error on the artist’s side—personally, this could be a indication that david knew xander before the killing game. 

seeing as all of the cast are connected by the unnamed “classmate,” after all, it’s a likely possibility that the current participants of the killing game were originally in the same class at hope’s peak academy. which means, they all probably knew each other before this whole killing game went down. 

in an earlier theory, i talked about how xander may have been the person in the opening prologue cutscene, and how he probably had his eye injured at that time. given that the person speaking during that scene is aware of the killing game (and is expressing their desire to end it), this event likely happened right before the killing game started—otherwise, it would be pretty imprudent for the mastermind to announce it and then wait for an entire month to set up everything, then make everyone fall unconscious, then remove their memories, etc. 

what i’m trying to get here is that the cast, had they still retained their memories from hope’s peak, would definitely remember xander with both eyes. however, we know this to not be the case—from his introduction, we all see that xander had already lost his right eye from the beginning of the killing game. therefore, for david to remember xander from before he got his eye injury, he must’ve had at least some partial memory of hope’s peak—otherwise, it would be highly unlikely. this would give a possible explanation as to why the frame of xander without his eyepatch appears in the “literature girl insane” music video. and maybe give a possible explanation as to why david cared about xander despite only knowing him for ~three days. and defended him passionately during the first trial even after a lot of evidence pointed to him attacking teruko.

this also would explain why david remembers mai—assuming they were in the same class, since mai likely had incredibly close connections with the cast (including david), it’s more than likely that david cared about mai and possibly (vaguely) remembered her even after having his memories tampered with.

well, the “no-eyepatch” deduction completely hinges on the assumption that xander didn’t like, take off his eyepatch in front of david like he did with teruko, so i may be completely wrong about this. however, it is interesting that such a small detail was included in the mv.

so is this one:

i don’t know how it is for you guys, but that fork seems suspiciously similar to the fork in the prologue (which i theorized to be the item that caused the injury to xander’s right eye). additionally, the fork literally stabbing the “face” of the clock is… quite symbolic. it may be just me. i’m not sure. (-_-;) though, it could suggest that david remembers that scene—and perhaps knows about the “possible escape” of killing teruko? i highly doubt he was the one who wrote the note (rather i think that was xander himself), but it may account for that 2nd vote for teruko in the first trial.

my personal (unhinged) theory (with really no way to back it up) is that david may have retained partial memories of his experience at hope’s peak—but probably only a little, definitely not all of them. this may explain why he remembers mai and seems to recall xander before his eye injury (despite xander seemingly not remembering that they’ve met before)—but hasn’t called out the true mastermind nor seems to remember an escape yet. also, though his current behavior in the 2nd trial may imply that he’s trying to end the killing game early via wrong vote, i personally think he’s just breaking down and acting suicidal without that objective in mind, based on his actions.

little side note at the end: it would be absolutely amazing (and ironic) if the two people with the most distant character relationships with the rest of the cast (as of now) happened to remember the single person that had the closest relationships to all of them.

minor clarification/add-on: i just realized that i never said this, really sorry about that. m(_ _)m but basically, i don’t think david has any sort of clear memories regarding xander and mai at hope’s peak—rather, when i say “partial memories” i meant more along the lines of “vague nostalgia you can’t quite place.” he might somewhat recognize their faces at most, but likely not any clear sequences of events. and honestly, what i wanted to talk about more in regards to this theory is more about the fact that only teruko (and maybe david) remember mai in the first place—the rest of the cast probably can’t, with the way their memories were wiped.

uh, this was quite the ride. i truly felt like the antithesis of occam’s razor as i was writing this

however—this theory likely has a lot of points that can be argued against, as well as many other possibilities i didn’t consider. please, don’t be afraid to drop them in your reblogs or comments, i would love to read them!

and as always, take this with a (larger than usual) grain of salt

[wonder-worker]

"Among their complaints [in 1460, the Yorkists] specifically blamed the earls of Wiltshire and Shrewsbury and Viscount Beaumont for ‘stirring’ the king [Henry VI] to hold a parliament at Coventry that would attaint them and for keeping them from the king’s presence and likely mercy, asserting that this was done against [the king's] will. To this they added the charge that these evil counselors were also tyrannizing other true men* without the king’s knowledge. Such claims of malfeasance obliquely raised the question of Henry’s fitness as a king, for how could he be deemed competent if such things happened without his knowledge and against his wishes? They also tied in rumors circulating somewhat earlier in the southern counties and likely to have originated in Calais that Henry was really ‘good and gracious Lord to the [Yorkists] since, it was alleged, he had not known of or assented to their attainders. On 11 June the king was compelled to issue a proclamation stating that they were indeed traitors and that assertions to the contrary were to be ignored." - Helen Maurer, "Margaret of Anjou: "Queenship and Power in Late Medieval England"

Three things that we can surmise from this:

We know where the "Henry was an innocent helpless king being controlled and manipulated by his Evil™ advisors" rhetoric came from**.

The Yorkists were deliberately trying to downplay Henry VI's actual role and involvement in politics and the Wars of the Roses. They cast him as a "statue of a king", blamed all royal policies and decisions on others*** (claiming that Henry wasn't even aware of them), and framed themselves as righteous and misunderstood counselors who remained loyal to the crown. We should keep this in mind when we look at chronicles' comments of Henry's alleged passivity and the so-called "role reversal" between him and Queen Margaret.

Henry VI's actual agency and involvement is nevertheless proven by his own actions. We know what he thought of the Yorkists, and we know he took the effort to publicly counter their claims through a proclamation of his own. That speaks louder than the politically motivated narrative of his enemies, don't you think?

*There was some truth to these criticisms. For example, Wiltshire (ie: one of the men named in the pamphlet) was reportedly involved in a horrible situation in June which included hangings and imprisonments for tax resistance in Newbury. The best propagandists always contain a degree of truth, etc. **I've seen some theories on why Margaret of Anjou wasn't mentioned in these pamphlets alongside the others even though she was clearly being vilified during that time as well, and honestly, I think those speculations are mostly unnecessary. Margaret was absent because it was regarded as very unseemly to target queens in such an officially public manner. We see a similar situation a decade later: Elizabeth Woodville was vilified and her whole family - popularly and administratively known as "the queen's kin" - was disparaged in Warwick and Clarence's pamphlets. This would have inevitably associated her with their official complaints far more than Margaret had been, but she was also not directly mentioned. It was simply not considered appropriate. ***This narrative was begun by the Duke of York & Warwick and was - demonstrably - already widespread by the end of 1460. When Edward IV came to power, there seems to have been a slight shift in how he spoke of Henry (he referred to Henry as their "great enemy and adversary"; his envoys were clearly willing to acknowledge Henry's role in Lancastrian resistance to Yorkist rule; etc), but he nevertheless continued the former narrative for the most part. I think this was because 1) it was already well-established and widespread by his father, and 2) downplaying Henry's authority would have served to emphasize Edward's own kingship, which was probably advantageous for a usurper whose deposed rival was still alive and out of reach. In some sense, the Lancastrians did the same thing with their own propaganda across the 1460s, which was clearly not as effective in terms of garnering support and is too long to get into right now, but was still very relevant when it came to emphasizing their own right to the throne while disparaging the Yorkists' claim.

[shesmore-shoebill]

i know we talk a lot about amangela/courtmanda/courtmangelarasha but how do we think can shourtmanda (or even shourtmancer) ‘happen’ in the rpf universe we’ve built into hour minds

OOH interesting. hmmm. okay. my standard "F in rpf is for fiction, none of this is real or intended as speculation about actual people or their relationships, etc" disclaimer.

Also some additional disclaimers- the first is that i actually dont touch shourtney a lot in my rpf worldbuilding or characterizations, partly BECAUSE it's real, and as such has like. Such extensive and documented IRL "history" that I either would prefer to scrap that history entirely (at the cost of "inaccuracy", whatever that means in rpf lol), or I fear I'd start to start edging into something that feels like investigation/speculation territory about the actual relationship/people. Which I don't want to do.

Its a very specific weird distinction i like to keep in my brain with rpf where i dont like verging into writing/speculating/analyzing something that tempts into speculation about a real life relationship. vs like IRL Amanda has a husband so anytime i write without her husband we're already clearly in fake world territory. personal thing for me at least. So i love having Shourtney as background dynamic but havent thought a ton about JUST them in the rpf world. 🧐

Also re: both shayne and spencer, i respect and appreciate them both as people and i vibe with Shayne on a LOT of the takes we see from him. But I Do Not Swing That Way, at least last I checked. Tragically. Not at all opposed to writing/fleshing out characterization about it, or speculating on what it COULD look like in the rpf, etc, but. Everyone be nice about factual inaccuracies or oddities for characterizations/descriptions of attraction on that front, ok. Im doing my best off of incomplete info lmfao.

Anyway, all that said, I think I'd feel most comfortable with a Shourtmanda that starts with either Shaymanda or Courtmanda (again, fully wiping out history). I think Shaymanda starting out could be very fun and compelling. Shayne and Amanda getting close with the podcast is something that has a lot of potential! Amanda as an at-times intimidating figure who Shayne gets to know better; Amanda maybe assuming Shayne doesn't like her much until she gets to know him better. I think anything with Shayne in my rpf characterization has to go like. Respect/friendship first, if that makes sense. I think even if he found her attractive early on it would be like. a low priority thing compared to just trying to get to know her as a person. Amanda in my rpf world, i love but I dont think she would have been attracted AT FIRST- but as she gets to know him better it sort of. takes over. Two people getting to know each other better and uncovering facets they really like and respect....

Amanda makes the first move. Of course. I think it would take that for Shayne to properly consider liking Amanda as even a Thing, even if he thinks she's attractive. But once she acthally expresses attraction/desire to try something out... things get interesting. I think it would be pretty responsible and healthy in general, though. Clear communication probably.

As for Courtney getting looped in, lets see. I think Courtney is close enough with them both that she would be in the loop about feelings before both of them are. Probably from Amanda's side first. It might start as fun jokes between friends but over time.... Amanda maybe worrying about it/coming to Court to get their opinion on like- hey. I actually do really like Shayne. how do i do this without fucking it up. I'd love Shourtney as an established friendship where Shayne and Courtney know each other well and trust each other, but Shaymanda are the ones to take the plunge first- with Courtney aware and even helping. And maybe as things progress, maybe Amanda helps Shayne realize some of his feelings, or Amanda keeps looking at Court but feels guilty about it, and Courtney maybe feels... odd about them getting together even though they helped it happen..... anyway. is the vision here clear. i like this idea.

OR. Courtmanda first. THIS is fun. Communication would not be as clear from the start, because I think similar to all my other Courtmanda AU's. There's already the flirting. There's already the attraction. So much fun potential for them to Not Be Communicating Cleanly and have confusing feelings mixed in. We could have messy FWB Courtmanda with Shayne freaking out bc some of his closest friends are. Making Choices. about each other. OR Courtmanda could take their time getting together, both talk about Shayne, and then poor Shayne experiences both Amanda and Courtney DUAL flirting with him while he panics about disrupting their relationship (they are both aware and fine with the other person's flirting but they maybe forgot to make that clear to Shayne). Courtmanda first with Shayne as a close friend to both Courtney AND Amanda has so much fun potential though. Shayne being protective of Courtney towards Amanda....... many options. very fun.

Shourtney first is easy, in some ways, even if I dont find it as fun to consider. Shourtney first, and then just. Their work wife. its the jokes about work wife and its Courtney flirting with Amanda and Amanda flirting with Shayne and its all fun and jokes till its not. Ill let people who are more Shourtney knowledgable take over that one tho haha.

anyway this is getting kind of long. I'll be honest I don't have particular visions for Spencer in my rpf world so I'll leave that for others. I do love spinning Shaymanda/Shourtmanda in my head though. Very Fun. Much to consider....

[rawliverandgoronspice]

re: my last post, but I kind of have a good serving of criticism in my heart about the whole "gerudos as men r*pists*" trope that I've seen bouncing around in fandom since like 2008 at least (and before that I assume), but it's. not a particularly fun topic. so.

[cosmojjong]

it is just beyond me how people have the audacity of claiming hongseok got himself discharged from the military by pretending to be suffering so he doesn't have to be there. there's even a scandal account making his discharge pass as a scandal and people qrting with nasty comments. are we serious right now? he was medically discharged. a professional assessed that he would need to end his service. changing units is common, but completely being discharged isn't. this is quite telling of how severe it got for him, to the point they decided he just couldn't keep receiving treatments and serving simultaneously. in addition, hongseok had not posted once through the eight months since he enlisted, although he could. everyone who knows how active hongseok is could definitely tell his silence wasn't like him. how can someone know the specifics of the disorders he is battling with and still make malicious and hateful assumptions about him? (and i hate that they had to go into details or else people would doubt it, it is not fair that such a delicate matter is public to everyone). i am so angry for him.

[arson-09]

The Vibes of my fanfic through songs

An ongoing mini series of lyrics from songs that relate to the fanfic im currently writing. The fic is still unpublished but i am working on it :)

From Eden by Hozier

Babe There's something wretched about this. Something so precious about this. Where to begin? Babe There's something broken about this. But I might be hoping about this. Oh, what a sin

Honey, you're familiar like my mirror years ago Idealism sits in prison, chivalry fell on his sword Innocence died screaming, honey, ask me, I should know

I slithered here from Eden just to hide outside your door

It seems to me that every relationship (platonic or romantic) that Tamlin finds himself in starts because he’s curious about them, drawn to them. Rhysand, Lucien, Feyre. Maybe it will end well this time

[wavesoutbeingtossed]

Keep thinking about the coping mechanisms references in the betty speeches last spring and summer and the discussion on the dash today about the ways in which the pandemic/relationship breakdown was affecting Taylor and maybe even in ways that didn't feel like it until she was out of it and just the, you know, context clues, and the insinuations we're picking up about behaviours and actions that may be difficult to process on the new album, and just a little sad/uneasy/ thinking about what some of those coping mechanisms and behaviours probably were 😵‍💫

[hahaheart1]

You know how Evoloution is the Youthful Naturalist's ambition?

I wonder if it'd be possible to rewrite it as if the Naturalist was a player doing a preset ambition. Like how someone plays, say, the "Bag a legend" ambtion etc.

I'll probably work on this the moment I get time because it seems like a fun project tbh.

[candlebel]

I cared. I still do. I still think of you and I still cry over you. You were importat to me. You still are.

[anotherpapercut]

this dude got off the bus at the same time as me and was kind of following me so I like kept an eye on him but kept walking and bopping to fall out boy until I didn't see him anymore. then a minute later a car drove up beside me and asked if I needed a ride and I told him I was ok bc I'm like a half a block away and he said "oh ok I just wanted to make sure you were ok cause I saw that guy yelling at you" and I was like he was what???? bc I had my music up so loud I literally just couldn't hear a guy who was following me yelling. luckily he apparently got tired of me not responding and turned down a different street lmfao

[seafoam-taide]

You know I thought for awhile that I was just a rare type of person who sure, liked people well enough but was okay being alone didn't necessarily need anyone and NO. NO. NO. OH MY GOD . YOU GIANT DUMBASS. NO HAHAHA NOOO NOPE

[magentagalaxies]

i really want to start making a table collecting statistics on the audience demographics i'll perform my aubrey material for (like what generation most of the audience is, whether i'm performing in a predominantly queer space, etc.) and how well the jokes land bc like. i need to collect more data points before i can properly present my findings but the results so far have been fascinating

[1overbaby]

You are the creator and the creation.

I am unsure of how to convey this, but I’ll do my best with examples <3 It’s something that clicked for me, and brought me peace and helped me realise I am the creator, I am the one, I am above all and I am on the pedestal.

You are the: I am, the desires, and the self.

When imagining, it is all you. It is only you who imagines and no one else. There is no one else in imagination except you. So, when you imagine another person, they are you. They are you and a reflection of you. Therefore, the entire experience in imagination is you.

I’ll dive straight into the examples to try and convey my perspective. I will use a materialistic desire as an example, and a specific person too.

Example 1: a home

I desire a home. This home has an indoor swimming pool, and a large kitchen with a beautiful island and a glass window touching from the floor to the ceiling.

I imagine this home. I feel what it feels to have this home right now, as mine. If I am able to create and imagine and experience this home, then I am the creator of it. Not the builders, but me. If I am able to desire and imagine such grandeur and luxury, then I myself am grandeur and luxury. I am abundant, I am wealth. These qualities exist in me - they are me - and I pour this into the things I desire. I am God who creates such luxury. I take a piece of my grandeur, my abundance, and I give it life in form of a home in my imagination. It is all mine. The materials to make this home was: I AM + wealth/abundance. This added together = I am wealth and abundance, that is why I have such a beautiful home that I call mine. That I own. Because it is all me. So when I imagine myself swimming in the pools, cooking lovely meals in the kitchen I so beautifully created, I am able to claim all of these because they are mine. They are my creation, they are a reflection of me, they are for me to experience. If I know imagination is the only reality, and the physical realm mirrors this, then this home is mine. This home means something about me, it reflects me and my qualities. Whomever you share this home with, or whatever experiences you experience in this home, you are the gift that created them!!

Example 2: specific person

I desire a partner. This partner takes me on cute dates where we have candlelight dinners, or sometimes we go bowling. (Lmao)

I imagine this partner. I feel what it feels like to have another be so excited and willing to take me on romantic dates, and fun dates. I am the creator of this. Now, yes they are their own person but they are also a reflection of you. Knowing you’d love these romantic dates and that you deserve to experience them means that you are so loved. In this scene, it’s not exactly about the fact that yes this person loves u so much to take you on dates, but it’s more about knowing - I am so loved, and so exciting to be around, they love taking me out on dates. You are creating this scene, you see!!!! When imagining these experiences you are literally going ‘wow omg i am such a romantic, look at me creating this scene!! Wow i am so loved here, this is amazing!! Let me also experience people showering with me love, so many love letters ! Wow i am so adored here, i am the one :)’ because you can imagine yourself being the one. Wanting to receive love letters means you lowkey know you deserve them because you know you are adored. Its not ‘i wish i received love letters, why do people never give me them?’ To me that makes no sense. In these romantic imaginal acts, you are the one declaring yourself to be the one. You are the one choosing to be adored with love letters. You are your desires - you are the sp!!! You are the prize. Look at you gifting yourself so many romantic experiences and love??? This is amazing! You are so adored because this is your creation! You go bowling with them and imagine yourself giggling with them - you are so free! You are so at peace! You feel safe and secure in your love!! Your inner child feels so healed!! Now who is creating this experience?? YOU!! Not another outside of you, and not your partner! This is all you. Look how loving you are to yourself. Claim it all. Because it IS within you! It is you! We just clarified that !! And imagining cute dates with another? They are so lucky, you create such lovely experiences and memories for you both because you are love! You created this gift! Maybe you imagine them proposing, but who created this scene? YOU. Because you know you are the one!!

Now yes, you are the abundance. You are your mansion. You are your partner. Now this will, by law, be reflected out. A mansion in the 3d? That’s you being abundant and successful and secure and fancy !! It is yours. Your partner in the 3d? That is a beautiful soul who sees how beautiful your soul is, how loving your soul is, and reflects it. They are you, you are them. They are your companion that you share life with. That home is your shelter that you can always return to, your abundance and your security.

I am not sure if i really got this across well but you are the desire! You are the creation! It is not reminding yourself that you own a home, or that you have a partner. It is reminding and persisting in the fact that you are abundant, you create so much wealth, luxury, and freedom, and security. You remind yourself that you love yourself so much to desire and feel deserving of these romantic experiences that you gift them to you, and your partner is you being full of love, being adored, being chosen, being the one because you can feel yourself to be it. You are whole and complete. Your partner is an extension of you, and a life you share.

[strayslost]

When Kyouka thinks about the people she's killed... it hurts. She feels sick to her stomach. Yet even now, she's keeping all of that inside.

She knows that Atsushi has accepted her. ...But she can't talk to him what she feels. Because- she thinks that Atsushi still sees her as a victim. Just an innocent girl, captured by the Mafia and forced to kill against her will... and she knows he's not entirely wrong, but-

She still killed those people. Even though she was raised as a normal girl, even though she knew it was wrong - she chose her own life over the lives of 35 innocent others. She thought she deserved to die, and yet she chose life anyway. There were no delusions in her mind about what was right or wrong... she just chose to ignore what she knew, and shutting off her emotions was all too easy for her.

But she wants to be better. She wants to do good. Even if... she'd throw all of that away in an instant, if it were to protect the Agency...

Does Atsushi realize what kind of girl she is? It's unfair of her to have these thoughts. She knows he's not naive. And maybe all of her assumptions are totally wrong, but...

Today is a harder day. She's been asking herself the tough questions, with no answers in sight... but being like Atsushi like this makes it a little easier. She treasures the happiness she's gained, appreciating every moment, and it eases her mind to be with him, just spending time together like this.

"Are you hungry? You didn't eat much... here."

@atsushima ( starter! )