#i make myself sad writing these

[embersofhope-if]

ok for the notes ask! what about a note from mc to ash (beyond the grave). bonus points for following up on the ash to mc letter!! god i love ur angst

Ash,

I get it now. I mean, I get what you what you meant by how painful grief is. It's so easy to drown in it. I thought it was something that I would be able to manage; something that I could push through, but I can't. I knew you were strong, but I never realized till now how strong you really were. How did you do it? How did you get through the day without feeling like the entire weight of the world was on your chest? I don't think I've been able to take a full breath since the day of the reaping. I'm trying Ash, I really am, but I can feel myself crumbling. I can't sleep. I can hardly eat. I spend most of my days stuck in a daze. My parents upped my dosage of whatever pills they're giving me now. I have no idea what they're supposed to do, but they're certainly not making me feel any better. I don't think anything will if I'm honest. I've already broken so many promises that I made to you, and I'm sorry. I've never been very good at keeping my word, have I?

I have kept one promise, though. I'm trying my best to do what I can for Osian and your Mom, but you know how your Mom is. She'll only take what is necessary, and even then, it's not much. I want to just fully take care of them, but even if I was allowed to, I think she might take it as more of an insult than anything. You weren't lying when you said she was strong. Out of me, Osian, and your Mom, I think she might be functioning the best. I don't know how. Im sure she has that same ache in her chest that I have, but she still manages to keep going. Maybe it's just a Fairchild thing. You're all so strong. I'm almost jealous.

I miss you. I wish I could be angry at you for not coming home, but I can't bring myself to it. I could never be angry at you of all people. I'm sorry that there are so many things in your life that you never got to see. I wish I could go back in time and trade places. Make sure my name is the one called out instead of yours. You deserved to have the time that I have. You, of all people, should've been allowed to live a full, happy life. I'm sorry you never got to see your forest. It shouldn't have been like this.

I love you,

[[Name]]

[pinkeos]

we all know jing yuan is immortal, he's lived for so long and remained as one of the key figures of the alliance. but with his long life span comes with memories that would sometimes grow hazy

however, aside from his old friends, there's one more person he'd never forget and would never allow to slip from his mind; you. his mortal lover who had passed away centuries ago

unlike him, you aged. and with age, comes with inevitable death. he could still remember how hesitant you were at first when he asked to be your lover, because you knew his life would last longer than yours, and he'd end up alone

you'd joke multiple times that he'd probably fall out of love when you start growing older, but he never did. he stayed by your side, held your hand as wrinkles slowly appeared on your skin. he still pressed kisses on your face, brushed your grey hair and reintroduced himself whenever you started forgetting who he was

he'd tell you stories of the years you spent together, all the heartwarming memories and even the disagreements you've been through. his heart still skipped a beat when your weak chuckle echoed in the bedroom, a bittersweet smile still plastered over his face when it was your turn to retell the memories you've shared

like he told you before, he still stayed by your side even when you breathed your last, his heart stabbed by a million daggers with how you tried so hard to remember him even before you left. whispering a declaration of love and his name as your eyes fluttered close

even after your death, he'd still keep you close to his heart. even death won't be able to keep you apart

he'd talk about you fondly to anyone who's willing to listen, a smile of adoration and longing very much visible on the general's lips. it doesn't matter how many years had passed, or will pass, it will always be you that occupied his heart while he waits until he reunites with you again

and by a twist of fate, his eyes met your familiar ones when his hologram came to meet the guests from the astral express

even in a different life, that smile and that presence, everything about you... it was still you

[actuallyitsstar]

grief is not a feeling, but a neighborhood. this is where i come from. everyone i love still lives here. // (insp.)

[walkingstackofbooks]

a year or so after the war, a young, recently-graduated doctor gets off the shuttle on ds9, very excited to begin working in a proper medical team in a proper space station as an actual, proper doctor

and they're so eager to learn and so starry-eyed and so full of enthusiasm and have so many things they want to do and ideas they want

and they're used to people finding them a little annoying in all their talkativity, and certainly they're not quite sure what doctor bashir makes of them because while he's very patient and kind, he doesn't smile that much and has a strange sort of look in his eyes whenever they start rambling on too much

but a number of the staff seem to take to them quite quickly and at some point they start overhearing themself being compared to doctor bashir? and not in like, a medical way, which would be ridiculously exciting because doctor bashir is extraordinary and they'd love to be thought of as that intelligent--

but no, it's more... well, it's like people think they've got a similar personality? and they just don't see it. sure, he's very passionate and dedicated to his work, but... excited? eager? not really.

they mention it to a friend, a bajoran nurse who's also recently joined the station. "lieutenant commander mayfield called us two peas in a pod," they say. "and I heard colonel kira joke that "whether or not he has too much work, cloning's supposed to be illegal". are we really that similar?"

"You're practically identical," their friend replies, taking them aback before they realise she's just being sarcastic. "On one hand, a tight-lipped, serious, solemn genius-war-hero, and on the other a bubbly, impetuous, far-too-excitable idiot doctor. Yes. I see the resemblance."

"Exactly," they reply, feeling vindicated.

"... Hey!" they add a few seconds later, realising they'd just been insulted.

they do wonder, though, why they continue to get these comments from anyone who's been serving on DS9 for years. maybe the doctor had been different when he was younger, but no-one can change that much, right? 35 seems practically ancient (well, at least decently middle-aged), but even so, they can't imagine growing up to be anything like their new mentor

it's a mystery

[deoidesign]

My comic is so pretty...

The hiatus is letting me take a little extra time on these episodes, and I'm definitely putting it to good use!!!

[atlasblue85]

home is where you've called my name - buddie - 3k - rated G

Buck plays a game with himself. It goes something like this: for every house Eddie outright rejects, he adds an item to his list of why Eddie shouldn't move to El Paso. He doesn't know what the threshold is, that magic number that will make him finally speak up and express his thoughts to Eddie, but until he finds it, this is how he's coping. They're up to nine so far. Nine perfectly good houses, nine reasons Eddie shouldn't go.

written for @winterofbuddie week 6 - games galore

my other entries: week 1 week 2 week 3 week 4 week 5

[sneak-pieck]

Just making myself sad dw about it.

Has anyone ever thought about the whole Zeke and his euthanasia plan thing in a different manner? About how this poor boy grew into the man we get to see while constantly drilling into himself the knowledge that building a family is nothing short of pain, abandonment and disappointment. Passing through life, making sure he himself knew that he had no chance at a normal life. And I find that beyond sad, for I know he would have been a good father- given what he has been through. He would have made sure to never allow his child to feel as pressured into things as his father made him feel, and he would've done everything in his power so that said child would not feel unwanted- not even for a second.

I find it sad, because just like almost everyone we get to see, he did not have the chance to live a normal life. Knew damn well he would not be allowed to grow fond of people, to fall in love, to grow with someone in any manner other than a collegial one.

So yes, he was aware of what he was getting into, he was sure he wished to continue Tom Ksaver’s legacy and fulfill his vision, but what about what could’ve been? What about the life he might have had had he been allowed to grow like any normal child- What if in the back of his mind there is the tiniest of boxes that contains the smallest of wishes he had in this cruel life?

Becoming a father. Growing old by someone’s side, and watching as he broke the horrid chain Grisha had wrapped around his throat. Holding his newborn with a smile the sky and the sun and the whole world had never before seen- simply there...on his lips. Hearing his child’s laughter echo through the peaceful and safe home he’d created for his family. Watching it grow and mature and exhibit his and his partner’s behaviors. Something that would melt anyone’s heart. Seeing the innocent eyes of the beautiful life he’d brought into this world, unaffected by war and hate and pain and suffering.

Maybe in the couple of moments he had up there, attached to the reminder of his brother’s betrayal, he thought of that. Even if just for a split second, he thought… he wondered…and he remembered he was never meant to have a happy ending.

[soupandsorcery]

A letter, written in a de Riva cipher and sealed after the fall of Weisshaupt, delivered to The Cantori Diamond one week after the disappearance of Nicolo de Riva into the Fade

Viago:

I've got a joke for you. Two Crows and a Warden walk into Weisshaupt and almost don't make it back out again. There's not really a punchline, actually. Just an Archdemon and a giant fucking face in the clouds. Weisshaupt was probably the scariest thing that's ever happened to me, and there were a lot of times when I thought I wasn't going to make it out of there. That made me start thinking about my life and things I wished I'd done and said. Which made me start thinking about you.

I know we don't do emotions or talking about feelings or whatever it is normal families do, but I'm just going to say this. If you end up reading it, then I'm probably dead anyway, so you can't scowl at me.

Thank you. I could go down the whole list of the whys, but let's just say I owe a lot to House de Riva—and to you. I wouldn't have made it this far without your help and your weird way of showing your faith in me. I figured out a while ago that you're hard on me because you want me to live up to my potential or whatever. And I tried, Viago. I really did. I saw this contract through as well as I could for as long as I could, and I tried to be a credit to my training. To you. Ask Lucanis if you don't believe me. It kept me going when I didn't think I could, imagining the look on your face if I gave up. So thanks for being a bossy nag too. I guess most good older brothers are, and I know there aren't that many good older brothers in our line of work.

Take care of Teia. Tell her I love her and she's always been the best of the Talons. Let her take care of you sometimes too. You deserve it.

Love you, Viago. Sorry I never said it to your face.

—Nico

[marvel-starwarsfangirl]

It’s missing Tech hours again 😭

[icarusfallingg]

Dropped from a burning plane in the middle of hostile land, running for days with barely any food. Getting captured, dragged through a broken apart city with his brothers in arms. Watching them all be beaten and shot, killed in a flurry of rage and grief by simple german citizens. Getting beaten bloody himself, thrown on a cart with the rest of those he travelled with to be buried in a mass grave. Escaping by a hair, only to be captured again and thrown in a musky cell with scratched out walls. Being interrogated and having to hold himself together at the idea of Gale being dead, and a simple German interrogator withholding the information of his safety from the tortured man.

Eventually being dragged to Stalag |||, already the shell of the man he once was.

Simple words, a simple call. One he would have been so familiar with, especially from that voice. And yet, as he walked through the gates into the stalag he had never felt happier hearing them

“John Egan! Your two o’clock”

Etched on the inside of his eyelids was those words, Bucks expression, the feeling of his warm embrace in the cabin afterwards. In that moment, Bucky couldn’t have; wouldn’t have felt any better.

In moments alone, he would remind Gale of the moment. ‘Best moment of my life’ he would say, even after they had settled into eachothers embrace properly; firmly.

To Bucky, Gale meant the whole world. That day, seeing his friends? Wonderful. But the moment he heard the familiar husk and western drawl; the moment he turned to meet the familiar blue eyes that often haunted his dreams he knew he would never feel better.

He fell after that, but he fell because he knew his Buck was there to catch him, to stifle his fall. The entire time they were pulled apart from each other Bucky had to hold himself together with the fragile memories of fleeting moments spent together in the dead of night. Secrets whispered to each other in their barracks.

Bucky was a shell, held together by tape weaved by the careful hands of Gale W. Cleven, the tape proved fragile when touched by those same hands but to be fixed, and restored sometimes you must break wholly and entirely in order to return to what you once were, even if it’s a mere reflection of it.

There was countless things against the men; laws, war, distance, jobs, a fence put up by senseless Germans, and yet Bucky knew he would push through anything in order to even have a chance to ask if he could hold Gale the way he held countless women

[dreagine]

Aroace ink sans I love you…………….

[laurancezvahlslefteyebrow]

His Choice

Laurance Version

based on this v

basically what if Laurance sacrificed himself to save Garroth and kill Zane instead of Aaron

Edit: the fic is up

[topaz-witch-tea]

Do you think Jing Yuan prays to Lan every night, pleading for Yanqing not to be taken away from him?

He’s lost so many loved ones in his life and now he has a child that yearns for the battlefields. For the first couple missions where he couldn’t accompany Yanqing for the purpose of building his independence, I imagine he stayed awake all night in case news came.

[sunny374940]

Don't leave me, please

And poor Rook is suffering in the Fade prison. Come suffer with him.

Here on ao3

Here are my other stories

And if you want a continuation from Emmrich's pov it is here

Babes, it is finished @mercars-musings, @starfleetteddybear, @lavender-tea-fling, @redheadsramblings, @sorrowsfallallaround

Rook landed on his back with a thud, hitting his head against the hard stone. He lay there, too dizzy to get up, so he just stared up at the grey churning sky. He remembered Ghilan'nain dying, Lucanis lying motionless not far away from her. Emmrich was yelling at him to get the dagger and then… he was falling? His head was still spinning, it was hard to think… What was he missing? Oh, yeah.

Solas. The fucker.

Rook was so going to kill him once he got out of here. He got up gingerly, trying not to fall over right away from the waves of nausea running through him. His eyes finally focused and he really didn't like what he saw. This was where he talked to Solas. But back then he was over there, across the gaping chasm, and now he was… he was fucked, that's what he was. Solas couldn't manage to break out of here by himself and now Rook was here and he was alone.

He hoped the others were safe. But Bellara had been taken and Harding died and Lucanis was probably dead too. What if something happened to Emmrich as well? Rook left him behind again, even though he promised not to after that time the Venatori kidnapped him. It was the first time Emmrich got truly angry with him, and Rook vowed to himself not to let them get separated again and he fucked it up so bad.

But he couldn't stand there moping, he had to get out. He started walking, taking a random path upwards and there were voices, tangling together so that he couldn't make out a word, but someone was here, maybe Solas leaving kept the prison open somehow… he took off running, desperate to get closer to them.

“Why did you let me do it, Rook? I thought we were friends, why did you let me take down the wards? Elgar'nan will kill me and it'll be your fault!”

It was Bellara's voice, but he couldn't see her anywhere.

“Did you even think about Taash when you sent me to lead the distraction team? They loved me and now I'm gone because of you!”

And Harding! There was no way she could be here, was there?

“You let me die, Rook. I finally wanted to live and now I don't get the chance!”

Lucanis sounded so angry and Rook didn’t blame him. He should have protected them, what good was he as a leader if he couldn’t?

“You failed us all.”

He was turning around, trying to see where the voices were coming from, but there was only the same dull greyness everywhere. But he couldn't let them get to him, he had to get out and this was what the prison did, it would trap him in regretting the choices he made today, but he wouldn't let it!

“No! We all did what we had to do! You're not them! Shut up!”

The voices quieted down, but he still wasn't any closer to finding his way out, so he just picked a random direction and started walking.

It must have been days, at least. Or maybe weeks? Or hours? The never-changing greyish light didn't allow for any guesses about the passage of time. He did doze off a few times, curled up against a boulder, but didn't feel any better afterwards.

Rook was trying to navigate the winding pathways once again, when he heard footsteps coming from behind him, a familiar measured gait. He whirled around, hoping that he was right about who this was.

“Emmrich! How did you get in here?”

Rook was running to him, elated at finally, finally seeing him. It'd been too long, he was so worried about him, but he was here! He came for him!

“You left me again,” he said, his tone accusing, and his eyes were so cold it almost made Rook shiver. “You said you wouldn't, yet here we are.”

“Emmrich, I'm so sorry, Solas took the dagger and I couldn't-”

“Excuses, darling, that's all you ever have.”

And he turned and walked away into the misty darkness, leaving Rook standing there, unable to move.

“No, Emmrich, please, don't leave me here!”

His voice echoed in the emptiness. It wasn't Emmrich, just another creation of the prison sent to torment him, but that didn't make it hurt any less. And it didn't stop him from hoping that it would be him next time.

It was quite long before he saw him again.

“Please, stay with me,” he whispered, tears falling from his eyes. “I don't want to be alone.”

“Why would I? Don't you remember when the Venatori took you? You sent me away and you'll do it again.”

And Rook was left standing there, reaching out with a shaking hand to try and keep Emmrich from going.

He dragged himself through another round of futile search among the now familiar rocks. His stomach was hurting constantly from hunger, his throat was parched, but he didn’t seem to be dying just yet. Although he caught himself wanting to, after around the tenth time he encountered Emmrich.

There was no way out of here, no way to get back to the world and the moments of desperate hope that this time it would really be him and not some Fade illusion were unimaginable torture. He stopped going after him, no matter how much he wanted to. Not coming close was better than the unfeeling eyes.

He'd been trying to fall asleep after scouring the place once more for some crack that would let him out, when Emmrich appeared again and this time he came to Rook, who wasn't even able to get up and retreat. He was mocking him, spitting insults, denying his love for him and Rook just cowered on the ground and no amount of telling himself that Emmrich would never say those things would make him feel any better.

He'd had enough of the place. He decided to try the last thing he could think of doing to get out of there, the one he'd been putting off, because there was no telling what would happen if he failed. But he didn't care if he failed anymore.

He took off running to the edge and leapt. Maybe Fade rules were different and he would jump further than he normally could and maybe Solas wouldn't have thought of trying such a fucking stupid thing and that's why he was locked here the whole time and maybe he would succeed and finally be free. Or maybe he wouldn't succeed, but he would get peace at last.

He was at the highest point of his jump when he realized that he definitely wouldn't be reaching the other side and then he was falling, the darkness below swallowing him whole and he hit the ground hard.

Rook opened his eyes (when did he even close them?) and he was back in the same fucking spot as when he first got here! He choked on a sob. And another, and then he was crying, curling in on himself on the ground.

He heard footsteps, but he couldn't look up, he had no strength left to face whatever abuse he was meant to endure this time.

“Hey, kid.”

Rook started at the voice and risked a glance after all. Varric was settling himself down next to him and Rook couldn't quite manage to stamp down the hope that was traitorously growing inside him again. He sat up to study the dwarf and he looked healthier than he remembered him, the braces on his arm and leg were gone. That was weird…

“Varric? What are you doing here?”

“I think you know, don't you?”

Did he? Suddenly a wall he didn't know was in his mind came crashing down and the memories flooded him, making him sob again. Varric was here because he… wasn't, not really. He was dead. How could he have forgotten that his friend, the one who gave him a name he actually wanted to use for himself, was dead? The tears kept flowing, Varric patted his shoulder and Rook couldn't even remember the last time someone touched him with kindness.

“C'mon, enough with the waterworks. What's done is done,” Varric said, and he was watching him with a small smile that had Rook's heart breaking.

“I- I'm so sorry, Varric, it was my fault, I-”

“Shut up, kid. I might be short but that doesn't mean I'm a child. I made my decision, just like you made yours, and sometimes our decisions are fucking stupid, but we have to live with them. Or die, in my case. But you can't be stewing in your regret forever, that's not helping anyone.”

“I- you're right, but… I'll miss you.”

“I'll miss you too, but that's life for you.”

Rook heard voices again, but this time they sounded urgent, making him stand up to look around. Varric was standing up too and he grabbed at Rook’s arm, pointing at a pinprick of light glowing brightly in the grey landscape.

“Now get the hell out of here and do what you do best.”

“I don't even know what that is anymore.”

“Be you, Rook. And cause chaos, you're good at that.”

There was a flash of greenish light and the pinprick grew into a crack and a hand thrust its way through, searching for something. The clink of the bangles was unmistakable and if this was another trick of the prison then Rook thought he would die on the spot.

“Go, they need you. And you need them.”

“Thank you, Varric. For everything.”

“Anytime, kid. Anytime.”

And then Varric was gone and Rook caught Emmrich's hand and let himself be pulled out into the blinding light. They fell to the ground together and Rook knew that he was staring at him, but he wasn't sure that he believed this, not after all the times his hopes were so cruelly dashed. Was it really him? But Emmrich was warm and smiling at him with such joy that it had to be true, he couldn't even entertain the possibility that it wasn't.

Emmrich was sitting up carefully, treating him like a cat that might spook at any moment, and Rook definitely wouldn't allow himself to be dislodged now, so he resettled himself to sit across Emmrich’s lap. He'd missed his place there so much. He looked up into Emmrich's face and he looked awful, for lack of a better word, eyes bloodshot with dark circles under them, exhaustion evident in every line of his face.

“How long was I in there?” he asked, because there was stubble on Emmrich's cheeks and it didn't look like it happened just overnight.

“A few weeks, darling, but what matters is that you are here now.”

A few weeks? It felt like much longer, like he'd been there forever, but now he was out and Emmrich came for him, even when he'd lost all hope.

“I- I thought I'd never see you again.”

And Rook was crying, holding onto him with trembling hands, and he was finally safe with his love.

[gen4grl]

you would think after all the yapping i do about these losers i would have a plethora of art uploaded … no… so here is my first kantrio post lol

i did these over the last month while watching the olympic weightlifting and jamming to kpop (stan red velvet and kiss of life BTW!!!)

[deoidesign]

Btw just want to be clear that Time and Time Again is set to, and will if I don't pause, conclude in May 2025!

Webtoon didn't want to renew or give me any extra episodes so I'm trying to work with what I have. I'm sorry it's ending sooner than I'd like, it's been difficult to come to terms with and challenging to condense my plans.

You deserve a solid conclusion, and I've spent months writing to try and reach that. If there's anything you'd really like to see before it ends, do let me know in case I can (and want to) fit it in.

I'd rather not work with them again, and I hope I won't have to! But coming off of years being overworked and underpaid does not make that easy, to say the least...

I'm doing my best, and I hope you like what I have coming up.