Uh-oh! You are like, SOOO awkward!!
You're so awkward that it is occasionally mildly uncomfortable for people!
You're so awkward that sometimes people are confused by you and then there are awkward silences!
You're so awkward ...... that ultimately no one is harmed!!
Oh damn!!! What a vile crime you have committed! What an unforgivable thing it is to make a fellow human briefly confused!
Why, if *I* were ever briefly confused and kind of uncomfortable as a result, I'd be devastated.... by the absolute net zero change in my happiness and health! - From which I might never recover!! Yes indeed! No punishment can ever be enough for you!!
So you better absolutely hate yourself for it.
Better be SO MEAN to yourself about every single missed social cue so you don't forget your horrible crime! Meaner than you'd ever dream of being to someone else for the same thing! This is YOUR responsibility!
You need to show the world that you KNOW you are bad by punishing yourself constantly! After all, think of all the people who BENEFIT from you punishing yourself! - No, really! Think about it! Think about who benefits from your pain.
Think of alllllll the definitely-good people that your definitely-necessary self-torment definitely helps! I mean, you can't just cut off their definitely-life-sustaining supply of your suffering, right?? Sure, everyone else has a breaking point, but you're probably the only person in human history who doesn't, right? Best not to question it probably. Sure, it's a symptom that billions of people with trauma have had, but who knows? You could be a one-in-seven-billion exception. Anything's possible!
Instead, better just accept that idea that bullies carry like guns in holsters - the idea that people who have trouble with social cues deserve to suffer. Better carry on the burden they placed on you until you drop. Aid the cause of the callous by enforcing shame and suffering upon yourself extra hard; try your best to do their work for them. They're very busy.
Better not recognize that you need patience and kindness to heal from your trauma. Better not find out that it was trauma rather than personal weakness filling your head with self-hating thoughts. Better not find out it wasn't your fault.
Better not find out that awkwardness is not inherently harmful or unkind, and, in fact, the people who act like it is *are the ones enacting harm and being cruel.*
Better not get righteously angry when you realize just how much unnecessary damage this has done to you. After all, if you get mad, you might realize you deserve better. You might even feel brave enough to DEMAND better! You might build boundaries that keep you safe! You might make other people think they deserve to feel safe too! And we obviously can't be having that, so...
Better not show yourself even a little kindness a little bit at a time.
Better not make a habit out of it after all that practice.
Better not get confident.
Especially if you can't first wipe out every trace of awkward. (And you probably never will. Because people who experience absolute social certainty at all times tend to be insufferable assholes that enforce the status quo. And you just don't have the stock portfolio for that.)
Better not be confident and awkward because then you might confuse and delight people
- you might accidentally end up making other people feel less shame for their social difficulties
- you might make isolated, traumatized, and shy people feel like they deserve to be included in social situations
- you might even make them feel they can be themselves around you
- you might start loving the effect you have on a room
- you might enjoy conversations more
- you might forgive yourself and bounce back from shame more easily and frequently
- you might come to enjoy some of those moments of harmless confusion you cause because NOBODY expects the Confident Awkward, and that can genuinely be an advantage in social situations
- you might stop apologizing so much.
- you might find that socializing is like a video game: it requires practice but also a safe space for it to be fun and positive.
Or if you can't become assertive and confident, better not remain awkward and shy and quiet, and then love and forgive yourself anyway!
Why, it would be carnage!!
In either scenario, you run the risk of finding out that it's not your fault that safe spaces full of kind people can be really hard to find, create, and nurture. You could end up building a skillset that helps you do those things if you're not careful!
If you start giving yourself even the tiniest amount of grace at a time, you will find that you've accessed a gateway drug with extreme long-term side effects:
- You might realize that it was never your fault that it took so long to like yourself.
- You might realize that you were always worth talking to, even when you didn't like yourself and communication felt impossibly difficult.
- You might realize that you'll still be worth talking to even if communication becomes harder as you age and/or experience disability.
- You might come to know that you deserve to be heard even on bad days when words come slow and blurry.
You might discover that you were always deserving of kindness, first and foremost from yourself.
So. As you can see, it's FAR too much of a risk to start granting your awkward self free pardons for your many heinous and harmless crimes. Better to just leave it there.
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Considering that ArtFight begins in 6 hours, I feel that I should elaborate more on my plans for it.
This year, I am doing what I'll be calling the SQUIPening. I am going to draw every single BMC SQUIP oc on the ArtFight website within the month even if it kills me halfway /j
If you own a SQUIP oc and its on the artfight website I will end up drawing it. Feel free to dm me anything youd like me to do with them I'm down (on here or on artfight)
More complex OCs will be in my traditional style mostly (but i might do some digital)
Simple/simplified OCs will be in digital mostly
Silly art of your SQUIP will also probably be attached along with the serious attack
Be prepared. Nobody is safe from these hands (and ill share my target list when i wake up since im abt to sleep)
My AF is @falldragonet. Message me on there too ill love u forever trust
Good luck to any other artfighters. Whether I see this through to the end of the month is up to chance but i will do my absolute best to draw every SQUIP. It is on sight. I will attack
Idk if anyone actually cares abt this but i had to put it somewhere lmao
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god i've been out of it so long i forget how unhealthy webcomics is until it's in front of me again lmfaooo. sorry about all that today yall
left the posts up all day with minimal reblogging while folks passed them around but anons have tapered off and nobody's come forward with anything since I officially extended the offer to listen, it's distracting jumping at my notifications and i have shit to do so i'm privating the posts in case i need em again some other time ᕕ( ᐛ )ᕗ
closing statement is i think i don't need a closing statement, people got irritated about not having access to promotion by a hobby blog with 400 followers and decided to direct it at me instead of their publisher, that's more telling than anything else lol
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Rhaenyra is the rightful heir, do u support team green also because you think that aegon's claim is stronger because he is a man?
honestly, succession doesn't matter all that much to me, I'm not a political person even when it comes to fantasy shows. but let me have a spin at explaining my take.
Rhaenyra was the true heir, she was the first born and she was the named heir, I agree with that fully. but with the way we see her act, I personally don't think she would have been a good queen. she tends to expect a lot of others, give little in return except she she's desperate for aid, and picks self benefit over what's best for the realm (having multiple bastards, "killing off" her husband in place of another that will weaken her ally ship with the velaryon's, running of to dragonstone, etc.) and then will harm those who threaten to topple her house of cards (putting the blame and wanting the torture of a child after her own son cut out his eye, asserting her son onto the Driftmark throne even when he had no claim, killing an innocent man who stated a simple fact, etc.). I think she would have ruled with fear and very irresponsibly. at the end of the day, my thing is, is that Rhaenyra was never prepared for the throne and was coddled (that's Viserys's issues) and she was unfit for the throne because she could never seem to out the realm before her and her children. Daemon is also insanely cruel and rouge and Rhaenyra refuses to put him on a fucking leash which is another massive problem (if he could stop killing people that would be great in my opinion)
Now, do I think Aegon has a better claim cause he's male? no, I think men and women are equally capable of ruling. do I think Aegon would be any better? no not really. I do think that with the counsel of his mother, who served in Viserys's place for years and always thought of everyone else (the court, house, allied houses, and the realm while also thinking about image, money, etc), his wife (who was beloved by the people and had their interests in mind), Aemond (who was an excellent warrior and was well studied for the task of being king), Otto (if he could pull his head out of his ass was one of the best hands. key word, if, but it stands for something. he understood and played the game of politics for years), and Criston (he definitely wasn't made to be hand, no matter how much I love him, but he was always a good inside ally to the greens) could help him rule much better than Daemon could for Rhaenyra and many of her allies were similarly not well suited (most not all). again, Aegon and his court would be far from perfect, but they were much better suited for the task in my opinion.
but at the end of the day, the Targaryen dynasty was crumbling, rotting away day by day. I don't think either side could have saved it, I think both had flaws that were ingrained to their core. while Aegon's line might have kept it alive a wee bit longer, it wouldn't be substantial. war and bloodshed was biting at their heels and total death and destruction hovered over their shoulders.
neither was fit to be heir. Rhaenyra being the rightful heir by both birthright and by claim through Viserys doesn't make up for her not being fit. Aegon having a cock doesn't make up for him being unfit. that's the moral of the story.
I'm not pro green cause I think Aegon deserved the throne, I'm team green cause they're more interesting in my opinion, they also just happen to be my pick if I'm forced to pick a side in the war.
in a perfect world they would have come together as an actual godforsaken family, say their overdue apologies, strengthen the house as a whole, made up for the years of infighting and ruled together through Rhaenyra, that personally what I want, but it'll never happen in a million years. so yeah, that's my take on the succession war. throughout the whole timeline I may shift closer to one side than the other, but 90% of the time I was with team green, even when I wanted nothing more for Aegon to be allowed to run away to essos
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