#i made the felt friends myself!!
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🎷When you use your mind, take a step at a time, you can do anything, that you wanna do!
#hey! :)#ive been working on this one for a while#i made the felt friends myself!!#the star one is me as a felt friend :D#the new blues clues is great!#i love the new movie!#this advice really will take you where you wanna go#one step at a time#agere#sfw agere#age regression#kidcore#mine#agere game#age regression game#blues clues#age regression moodboard#agere moodboard#Spotify
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the most difficult thing about growing as a person socially, as in getting out of your shell and noticing that you are, is that there will still be times when it doesn’t feel like you’ve grown at all! times when you can’t really connect with anyone around you, times when you fail to enter into an existing conversation, times when you say the wrong thing (or nothing at all when in hindsight you probably should’ve). but that’s also kind of the best thing, because that’s the thing that helps you realize that sometimes, it’s not you or your lack of skills or any shortcoming. sometimes certain environments just aren’t for you and certain people aren’t your people, and that’s okay. that’s human. it’s okay to not feel the progress you have made all the time.
#and that goes for every type of growth#backstory of this post:#after I came back after a few months of doing my international internship I felt so much more confident#it was easier making friends and walking up to people#i took more chances#and generally just heard it a lot from those around me who kept telling me how much i’d changed#this was further supported by my first office job that went pretty well#but then came my grad internship. and while i love the work and have met some great people I noticed it was difficult again#there was one office lunch where no one spoke to me at all! it was my first week and I didn’t know what to say#if i should even say anything#we were all sitting at the same table#not one person even glanced my way#it made me doubt myself; i was doing so well before#was that even real? why can’t I just speak up? this is not the way to connect with people#especially in my first week!#but you know what#i was still doing well. i just had to factor in the fact that these were all middle aged people talking about reality shows i didn’t watch#and bikes i knew nothing about#as well as people who knew i was the new intern yet didn’t speak to me at all even though I’d introduced myself to them all individually#and even so#people I couldn’t really talk to about MY interests outside of work either#my point being:#it’s okay to not feel a connection with everyone you meet#it’s okay to fall back into old habits even though you’ve developed new ones#it will never unravel the process you’ve made and the connections you’ve built#you’re doing fine#after this internship I will surround myself with people who reaffirm that belief#growth in the self#self love#positivity
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Hey guys I think The Last Unicorn is such a Scott book
#Hate Jimmy's anatomy here. whatever. throws it at you guys anyway before I stress myself into offing myself#quote is from The Last Unicorn ofc!! I drew unicorn scott and then me and my friend went insane about the book + Scott's character#flower husbands#scott smajor fanart#trafficshipping#trafficblr#need to reread that book desperately#so many moments and quotes I remember from it are SO Scott guys. I swear to god#it being a book all about this unicorn who is turned into a human and thus starts experiencing emotion. and flaw and love and and#and the unicorn is stressing but realizes that even if she were turned back into a unicorn. She has already felt. She no longer belongs#And I view Scott's character as tending to deny himself those kinds of feelings as if they were a weakness. As if they'd get in the way#He allowed himself to love and be loved in LL and then never again. Turned around and ostracized Pearl. Sorry going insane#and then ofc this quote made me think of Jimmy. I cannot get into my reasoning here though I will either die or get killed#tubby art
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Sam and Max if they were cool /j
#sam and max#crunchchute art#my art#somehow this shitposty art piece made me emotional while drawing#i miss highschool and my friends and just going on school trips and stuff listening to shitty scene music like botdf#and playing the songs on a phone close to our ears or sharing an earbud on the bus#and being fucking cringy and shit man i wish i experienced more of that#perhaps i wasted my teen years on stress and worrying so im dressing like this now to make up for it#i know you wont see this D and im sorry i was being awful to you sometimes but i liked teasing you as if you were my sibling#i really miss those times. and i know i could always reach out to you but you moved on and im still stuck so i wont. but im thinking about#you from time to time! and the little fun we had back in hs. i really felt like i could be myself when hanging out with you#and i thought about you making this piece. me as max u as sam that would fit lmao#<- hes getting sappy missing the idea of his friends 10 years ago that only exists in memories now because everyone except him grew up
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– who could ever leave me, darling?
#because i felt personally victimized by del's posts about him yesterday#honestly made myself sick to my stomach with the 'started out friends' transition lol#rhett abbott#rhett abbott edit#lewis pullman#lewis pullman edit#outer range#outer range edit#ames makes things
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🤡 ⭐️ funny little cardigan 🌙 ❤️
maybe I'll actually dress up and style an outfit or something
#bo posting#my art#crochet#granny square#FINALLY TOOK BETTER PICTURES!!!!!!!!! AUGH#im still unbelievably proud of this#enjoy me never shutting up about it#its the first thing ive finished.... in months#and i feel like crying#ive been so envious of everyone around me being able to even hold a pen#and i had to chanel my creativity elsewhere and that was in this and this only#i was tired and felt guilty for how sick it made me feel to be in artistic spaces#or seeing my friends draw#like??? unproductive. helps no one?? 🗞💥🧠#so this was my solution#its the only creative thing thats made me happy in a long time#its the only creative thing that ive done for myself lately too#doing something creatively for other people has been hard#wahhhhhhh#i want to put my creative energy ive put into crochet into more things. i dont like how hard thats been#idky i havent been able to talk about it#like articulating it properly is one thing but like? never... even tried#i think it hit when it was the only thing i could tell my therapist that i could do that made me happy rn#the only expectations were my own#wow i did NOT intend to vent but hey thanks for reading 💏💖💋💞
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I think what might actually help the families of trans loved ones is to actually engage with where the trans person is at - especially if the family isn't quite understanding yet. When I came out, I was completely alone in figuring out my manhood. I had peers and I had exposed myself to so many trans people who explored gender, and while it was amazing, it isn't quite the same at times. I grieve quietly, sometimes, about all the missed opportunities that might have just made it easier for my family to have seen how utterly happy I was. It took them a very long time to actually notice that I was happy, especially once I got on testosterone. I'm lucky that they saw that happiness eventually, and slowly accepted it. My manhood is completely detached from their influence, both to my relief and chagrin. It's sad to me that I learned to shave from a kind online stranger, somebody who didn't even have a father and yet, I do. I have a father. I grieve at the loss of a potential shared experience. I grieve about the pain I went through when I was in that stage of transition, especially because it was raw and vulnerable. I grieve that many trans people today are traversing the path I had to, because it's sometimes lonely (even when you do have other forms of support).
It's hard to know that I will never have gotten my sense of being from my family. In many ways, it has severed a lot of connection with them because there were so many times that I was begging them to see happiness when they were focused on the idea that I was almost in a state of purgatory - flesh which felt warm but held no familiarity to them. I don't harbor ill-will toward them, I hope I don't leave the impression that I despise them. I understand what they felt, even if I can't conceptualize it myself. However, it's a raw wound in my heart, and I don't want to leave anybody else feeling that way, either.
#trans#transgender#lgbt#lgbtq#ftm#mtf#nonbinary#ally advice#i'm thankful that my manhood is the way it is. but it was a painful journey to get here and i did it partially alone#i absolutely am grateful to have had my friends and the trans people who made themselves known though. i owe these people my life#i still think it's not unreasonable to have wished for my /family/ to have been part of that journey sooner especially when i was young#sometimes it seems like parents who believe their child has died after they express their transness make that a self-fulfilling prophecy...#...in that the parent often aloenates themself/themselves from their child in a variety of ways...#...i was alienated from my dad when he threatened my transition - it became a self-fulfilling prophecy in that i shut myself down...#...i retreated inward and in a way became a ghost - corporeal to the touch but a spirit who may not be seen...#...in many ways i felt in limbo between life and death. it was a cycle of purgatory#and that is something i think is best avoided. it's lonely and scary and it makes it hard to imagine a future#i need to emphasize that even though this was shitty i am still lucky in so many ways#i just faced a lot of undue shit even so - shit i don't think was conducive to a good environment or well-being
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the other day i walked around the golden lake w my love and the sun was setting hot and orange and we watched a brown duck preening through the weeds, ducking her head under the dark water. the cool lake swallowed up my tired feet to the ankles and we counted the dog walkers with their curly panting doodles and their handsome german shepherds and their whip smart little terriers and we admired the careful construction of a sand castle whose moat held determinedly against the lapping of the waves. we could feel in our chests the persistent thunderous thumping of celebratory music at the finish line of the lakeside 5k, welcoming each gasping runner across its bounds. and i felt like crying. i felt like curling into myself and crying. we walked through the swamp of the bird sanctuary afterwards and listened to the woods sing and croak and groan and then we went and got ube and yuzu gelato and devoured it suntired and sweating on the couch in our living room. and i was so overcome w a deep and true unshakeable happiness and a sort of confused grief that i wanted to sob and sob and sob.
#i am so happy for the first time in my entire life#a consistent and true joyfulness#i am in love w my life#i want to stick around to see it#and i mean that w my entire being for the first time in my whole life#and to say that means confronting the first 24 years of my life where that wasn’t true#where i was miserable and heartbroken and unkind and dishonest and cruel#and i didn’t want to be alive#even when i was doing well i still didn’t want to be alive#for 24 years.#i had no fucking idea being alive could be so easy. i had no idea.#i want to hold myself and tell them i want to wrap myself up and say it will be BETTER#it will be so so far from perfect but it will be so so good you just have to hold on#i am so happy but i am mourning#i don’t know how to articulate it at all i just feel#happy but grieving#i LOVE this new city we live in i LOVE it here#i like my job enough to stand it for enough hours a week to get by#i have the time and the energy to throw myself into hobbies like knitting and cooking#i watch one or two good movies a week#i eat delicious food i’ve made and from restaurants we want to try#i’m IN LOVE. with my girlfriend in a way that’s so overwhelming and unlike anything i’ve ever felt that words don’t do it justice#i have friends who are gentle and patient with me when it’s hard for me to reach out#i am fighting agoraphobia tooth and fucking nail and i’m seeing the world and experiencing it#i laugh every day!!!! every single day!!!!#i have a goofy wonderful dog and an incredibly sweet cat#i talk to my baby brother all the time and he tells me he loves me and he’s graduating college soon and i’m so fucking proud#i wish i would’ve known how good it would all become#i wish i could’ve known#personal
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Anyone else just not feeling like a real person much lately?
#'lately' he says#as if he's not been feeling this way for the last 28 years#idk man#maybe it's bc I'm getting older and so are the people i hang/chat with#but it feels like everyone else has a real life and real interests and experiences and things to say#and I'm some kind of hollow scarecrow person just full of memory loss and sadness#i feel very stupid and very boring#which i know is too harsh. and i know i should be kinder to myself bc life and covid and shit can't have helped the brain situation#and i should absolutely believe my friends when they say they wanna hang with me bc it's mean not to take them at their word#but I'm still like... why though?#genuinely what's the appeal of being around me. my head is empty i have nothing to add and I'm not interesting or that funny#it's been creeping up on me. this feeling like i just genuinely have nothing to offer.#i don't even know who i am#except for a person who like. lives vicariously through fictional characters experiencing feelings I've never had cause to feel#i can relate to emotions SO vividly except i myself haven't even felt the half of them#i just sort of quietly exist somewhere on the spectrum between content and discontent#with occasional drops into the despair zone#and even if the stuff i think is keeping me here went away tomorrow. like if mum stopped being an issue and i was free#like... what would i even do?#i don't even know how to want something#anyway. this has been morning mental breakdowns with newt#I'm going to go make some made up guys live the life i haven't now#mr. bees speaks#negative
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anyone ever think about how kit is literally ty's best friend? like kit was the only one who ever showed that he truly cared about ty as a friend, that he accepted him exactly as he is. he's the only one who laughed with him, not at him and the one who understood that ty works differently than others and didn't view him as weird or strange because of it, but rather loved him for all of those things?
nope? just me? okay then
#and ty never thought that kit would leave bc their friendship just felt so different from all the others#like i bet when kit leaves ty remembers all the times people who claimed to be his friends turned away from him#and i know that kit leaving hit so much harder bc of it#like it actually broke ty in a completely different way#bc he was convinced that this time it was different and so special and-#oh no im making myself cry goodbye#side note: ofc ik livvy is ty's best friend <3 but she is also his sister so it's different from other friendships#i hope i made this clear! like ofc SHE gets ty in a completely different emotional way (they make me so freaking sad </3)#but others who have claimed to be his friends have hurt him so badly until ✨kit✨ came along :(#thats what i call friends-to-lovers <3#god pls dont let them be parted for much longer#i am going insane#kit herondale#ty blackthorn#kit x ty#kitty#the dark artifices#the wicked powers#tda#twp#tsc
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depression is really weird actually wdym i spent 2.5 years of my life in bed
#and wdym that lifestyle changed so quickly into being out and about and an active member of the world??#very proud of myself#and i mean it wasn't that quick of a change#it was like 1.5 years primarily depression bedrotting with occasional school -> primarily depression bedrotting ->#primarily depression bedrotting with 3-9 hours of work weekly -> straight into 31+ hours school+9-12 hours work weekly#so there was somewhat of a gradual progression#but still#also wowza i wake up 7-7:30am every morning now. 1pm was an early wake up for a not so insignificant amount of time#i mean of all fundamental growth years to miss out on the ages like what 12/13-15 aren't too bad? they would suck in a different way if i#had been socially involved#anyway it's just. yea i'm proud of myself but it is a crazy lifestyle change#and even when i was deeply depressed in a horrible routine i feel like i learned a lot. how to regulate my emotions and cope well and find#the joy in everything. bc if i stayed in bed all day then i would at least be happy about the sun or whatever#and for the while of being not at school at all i WANTED to be at school i just could not find one bc our school system is so cute like tha#(basically every school is at capacity and the local school that has a guaranteed place for me would have been an all boys or girls 😭)#but i miraculously found and got into this school and miraculously made it work so well for me socially and now academically#it's also a good time to get back into school for my education bc any later and it woulda been pretty bad for all my certifications and uni#ive missed out on so much maths that its not worth it to me to try and catch up but my teacher knows that#but ive always hated maths regardless i only ever understood it for the first half of yr 7 then my attendance dropped#and after my recent exam i decided to try harder at school. but i still got an A on the exam i didn't study for!! academic weapon fr#i'm just idk thinking back to myself in the past few years#and how hopeless it all felt. but i got out of it!! i beat the depression and social anxiety and found a good place and made the most of it#and during the peak of my depression i remember i went out someplace near my old school and panicked so so badly about seeing#kids from my old school. and the friends at the time didnt really check on me when i went to shake and cry in a side street lmao#i kept the best of that friendgroup and have better friends now. but anyway now i take a bus each morning with some kids from my old school#and you see these hands? they look like they're shaking to you?#anyway yeah it's just cool i got to this point :) i really had no hope for so long but now i have a life i'm living and a future i'm build#--ing towards#which is funny i just decided some random day last november after watching some better call saul 'huh actually lawyer would b pretty cool'#and will i get there? we'll see but i do have hope now
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I NEED A WAY WE CAN DREAM ON ... ⤿ for @kimtaegis ♡
mixed media collage: sketch paper, map of the soul: 7 photobook, jotter pad paper, digital photos and editing.
#happy birthday my love my beloved my bestie !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!#i love you so much thank you for being a part of my life thank you for being one of my closest friends thank you for being who you are#i wish you nothing but the best i hope you like this little thing i made !!!!#took a page out of my fave editor's book (YES THAT'S U) and while this is barely as out there i wanted something that felt like u#and a little bit like me ...... hence the textures u knowww how i am#jimin#park jimin#bts#btsgfx#pjmdaily#annietrack#scan cr: myself LMAO#*gfx
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I WANNA GET HIS NUMBER
#sou's thoughts#hi here to give context down here#i've been going to this badminton club#and there's this super sweet guy who i admire sm#bc i don't speak chinese at all and people keep assuming i do but never remember that i don't#BUT HE REMEMBERED I DON'T and even goes as far as speaking english for me and translating#like this lady started speaking to me in chinese and i was so lost BUT HE WAS NEARBY AND TRANSLATED FOR ME#school starts soon so tomorrow's my last day#since wechat won't work (mf won't let me sign up) i'm gonna ask for his number#also i wanna try do more small talk !!#idek his age yet and what he does i just know how long he's played#but he's super fun to play with so i want to invite him if i ever book courts during the term#he's literally my role model#i wanna make someone feel that welcome bc before i spoke to him i felt so left out#and kept telling myself that i should just push through and make use of being able to play with new people#now i've been so excited to go and speak to new people#anyways long ass ramble but wish me luck !!#ngl last time i made friends outside of school i did it by trading parent numbers#SO LIIIIIKE#i'm nervous
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Prongsfoot Week 2024 day 3
Favorite Canon/Potentially Canon moment - IE, something like Sirius comforting James after the DADA OWL and Lily’s reaction or (even though it’s platonic) the moment James asked Sirius to be Harry’s godfather.
I think, because I am a sucker for angst, it might be Sirius's best man speech at the wedding. This all falls under potentially canon, heavy on the potentially. But I imagine Sirius was in love with James, and James loved Sirius. Because there's just no world where they don't love each other. It's just that James loved Lily too, and in the 70s/80s one of them was a more acceptable choice than the other. And it never really hit him that what he was doing with Sirius wasn't exactly fitting within the box of 'best friends'. He just loved Sirius, and that would always be true. And then his parents got sick and wanted to see him happy before they died, and James wanted to have them there for as much as possible, and he'd never questioned what his future would be and he didn't then either. He'd always known he'd marry a beautiful woman and have children to run around the house with their toy wands. And he did love Lily.
Sirius loved James in every way someone can love someone else. So it wasn't even a choice for him; if he didn't get to have James romantically he would take the pain of that rather than give up all the rest of it. He didn't tell James he would never love someone else. He didn't tell James he was in love in the first place. Instead, he encouraged James to go after Lily. Because Sirius loved James in every way someone can love someone else, and more than anything he wanted James to be safe and happy out in the sunshine. And he could only ever have the shadows with Sirius. Something hidden and shameful and illegal. And they could be best friends. Sirius loved him like that too, and it could be enough. Only, as one does, James's speech at the wedding was all about how lucky he was to be marrying his best friend and when Sirius stood up to speak not long after he could only hope everyone would believe the tears were just nostalgia and happiness for his friend.
I imagine he stood up and looked down at the man he loved, and the wife that Sirius had grown to care for. I imagine he wished them well, and meant it with his whole heart. I imagine he told stories about James asking Lily out and being turned down, about how James grew up and they actually got to know one another. I imagine he spoke about James's nerves before the first date, and didn't mention that Sirius sucked him off to soothe them. I imagine he didn't say how that was the last time they ever did anything like it, that he didn't say how much he wished the world was different and he could be the one in white. I imagine there wasn't a dry eye in the room, I imagine Sirius sighed with relief that they were all smiling too. I imagine he looked at Lily and asked her to take care of James for him. And I imagine if he'd looked at James he would have seen the heartbreak as he realised Sirius loved him in every way a person can love someone else, which James hadn't known until that very moment was even an option.
#Prongsfootweek2024#Yeah this is probably not canon anymore but here we are#I made myself cry with this but it could have been worse#My runner up was Sirius opening the door to James and Lily's house and finding James dead in the hallway and shattering#only to hear Harry crying and pulling himself together with strength he didn't know he possessed for just long enough to comfort the boy#and when Hagrid arrived to take Harry - Sirius let him because Harry needed a safe adult#And Sirius wasn't any longer. Not with James gone. Sirius wasn't sure he was even human without James#He was breaking apart at the seams and the only thing he could find to hold him together was rage#rage because his friend did this - his friend who he loved and trusted.#And as long as he felt that hatred he didn't have to feel the grief#Only then Sirius was arrested for the murder of his best friend - and he didn't fight. Didn't argue. Because he deserved it#Peter had been his idea - and what was the point anyways when there wasn't a James to fight for. There was nothing to fight for anymore#And maybe the Dementors would take the memories away. Maybe then it would hurt less#Prongsfootweek#Prongsfoot#cw homophobia#homophobia#period typical homophobia
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Finding out folks’ respective opinions on the end of DA2 for the past few weeks while we all discuss whether DATV has been Good, Bad, or The Same has been a massive surprise for me.
I guess my perspective had been that Hawke didn’t fail to save the city, since Anders is not their dang legal dependent and potentially they’ve truly done their best to be there for him and support him while he’s been going through a particularly fucked-up time (at least in my worldstate). And since Hawke hasn’t been elected the Anything of Anything, and didn’t agree to take full responsibility for the entire city when Meredith or whoever named them Champion. Like yeah, okay, cool - this is probably ceremonial, right? They didn’t campaign for it and weren’t elected. And since they actively fight to put down immediate threats to the city in the final act - Meredith and (for some dumb reason) Orsino, and succeed at that and prevent as much loss of life as they are physically able…how is any of that sincere effort a failure? I’m not saying it isn’t possible to try your hardest and fail either, but in a situation that was never in Hawke’s control in the first place, that’s not what I see from the game’s ending at all.
A Hawke who isn’t purposely evil and doesn’t torture their companions or punch down maliciously on their community and acts in good faith has NOT failed to save anything, imo. There were always going to be circumstances beyond their control, and part of what makes them a hero is how much unnecessary pain and responsibility they willingly shoulder to try and protect anyone/everyone. If they fully supported their friends, with the exception of a potential DLC character, they all fight to save those who can’t save themselves, and they and the people they care about make it out in one piece.
There are multiple inevitable “failures” Hawke is set up to experience in the narrative, but the ending, fighting to defend others and living on another day with your family of friends, always felt like winning to me. I’ll probably replay DA2 multiple times over the next few years in search of hope or comfort.
Veilguard has not felt that way to me at all, because it’s intentionally not written with “your friends make it out” as an achievable win condition. Aside from the development hell resulting in a much shorter/more narratively limited game, I don’t understand how this feels similar to DA2 to some players.
#veilguard spoilers#datv spoilers#dragon age critical#‘the theme is REGRET everybody’ no the theme is clearly trying to force players to sympathize w solas and his terrible decisions#by shoving us through that meat grinder of an act 3 and gaslighting us the whole way there w some horribly OOC writing#DA2 didn’t feel like a goddamn bummer and a chore from start to finish#it felt like RESILIENCE and SURVIVAL#specifically the survival of a queer friend group that clung to each other as the world collapsed around them AND MADE IT OUT ALIVE#veilguard feels like something i literally can’t bring myself to play right now#sorry for all the negativity i meant this to be a purely analytic comparison i’m just still so upset about the design choices
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fav hobby: saying things that make people go
and then going
in response
#marzi speaks#i love saying bizarre or outlandish or straight up freaky sentences#and i love getting reactions outta ppl it’s my bugs bunny instinct#fav thing in the world is when i say smth and everyone who heard it slow turns at me. and i go ‘:3 haiiii’#i once managed to disturb a spencer’s manager. which i consider to be quite an achievement#(i was there with a couple friends around christmastime. we saw a magnet of santa and mrs claus fucking bc. spencer’s)#(one of my friends made some sort of joke and then i went ‘where do you think they got the elves?’)#(turn around to see that employee balking at us. my friend goes ‘congrats mars you freaked out a spencer’s employee’)#(and they corrected: ‘you freaked out a spencer’s MANAGER’ and i felt soooo proud of myself)
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