#i loved the first alien vs predator but we will not talk about that second crossover

[pinkbelugacollective]

i watched prometheus years ago and fell asleep and never really watched it again cuz i prefer the predator franchise, but recently i saw an article about jesus being an alien in alienlore, and now im going to attempt to rewatch this movie and maybe watch the franchise out of order simply bc….. i want to know how alienjesus came to be.

[lotusss-flowerbomb]

Dark Knight

Part 1

Bucky x reader

Warnings: violence, 18+

Word Count: 2,484

********

"Hey, slow down!" You yelled at the two children. Your four year old daughter and nephew continued running past you as if you hadn't said a word. You just shook your head and continued to prepare their lunch.

The doorbell rang and you wiped your hands confused as to who would be visiting unannounced. Then you rolled your eyes when you realized who it probably would be.

You looked out of the peephole and your suspicion was confirmed. You opened the door and stared at your child's father.

"Bucky, I thought I told you to call before you came over here?" You leaned against the door frame.

"I did. You didn't answer," he said back with just as much attitude as you were giving him.

You remembered leaving your phone in your bedroom on the charger.

"Jordyn, your dad is here," you yelled and turned away from the door. He followed you inside.

You and Bucky had a very emotional break up 7 months ago. He didn't really give you a reason, he just came home after a mission and told you that he'd be staying with Steve for a while.

After weeks of silence and then only coming by to see Jordyn and ignoring you, you finally gave up trying to talk to him.

After four months, your friends convinced you to go out on a date. Somehow, Bucky found out about it and after scaring the guy off, he started coming by the house unannounced and staying much later than he should. 

"Dadddyyy!" Jordyn screamed as she and your nephew Braylon ran towards you.

"Hey, princess," he scooped her into his arms. "What's going on, Bray, you watching over the girls today?"

"Mmm hmm," the young boy nodded his head while giving Bucky a fist bump.

"Come on, daddy," the little girl squirmed out of his hold and grabbed his hand, "we're about to eat lunch." She started towards the kitchen.

"Go wash your hands, please," you said to them as you set their places at her kid's table.

You and Bucky didn't speak. He stood by quietly and made sure to stay out of your way. You'd catch him watching you, but he wouldn't look away. He didn't care that you knew.

Once the kids sat down to eat, you took a seat at the island with Bucky and grabbed a bag of chips.

"You know, you should really eat better." 

"Says the human garbage disposal? Worry about yourself." You stuffed another chip in your mouth.

********

Bucky was playing outside with the kids. You watched out of the window as they took turns swinging from his arm. This is exactly how you pictured your life at one point. 

He must have felt you watching. He looked up at you and smiled. You quickly looked away and stepped out of view. You shook your head willing yourself to snap out of it. It's never going to happen. He made his choice.

You heard the door open and Jordyn came running inside.

"Momma, momma!" She yelled excitedly. 

"Yes, Jordy?"

"Can you come out and play tea party with us?"

"I'm sure your dad and Bray don't want to play tea party. Why don't you play something else?"

"But they're already at the table waiting. Daddy told me to invite you," she informed you.

You looked out of the door and sure enough, they were both sitting at the table on the deck in top hats. You couldn't help, but laugh. Big bad Bucky Barnes was sitting at a table playing tea party with his little girl and nephew.

You grabbed some cookies, a pitcher of sweet tea that was already in the fridge, because making some would leave the guys waiting too long, and your phone. You walked outside to Bucky and Bray speaking to one another with terrible British accents.

"What are you doing?" You giggled. 

"We're having a tea party," Bucky said.

"But why do you need the accents?"

"Because we're — are you recording this?" He asked once he noticed your phone.

"Absolutely, I may need this for blackmail at a later date. You look so adorable in your wittle hat."

"No, stop," he grabbed at you, "delete it."

"Absolutely not," you laughed and ended the recording.

You sat down with them and poured tea while Jordy handed out cookies. As you all sat around and enjoyed your snacks, Jordy started telling Bucky about your weekend movie nights.

"Daddy, you should come this weekend, so Bray isn't the only boy. We're gonna watch the Alien Vs Predator."

"You let her watch stuff like that?" He raised a brow at you.

"Yes, she knows they aren't real," you shrugged.

"Yeah, daddy, not like the Chitari or anything. Besides, uncle Tony dusted them, right? Peter said they blipped away right before his eyes."

"Who's Peter?" Bray chimed in.

"Alright fine," Bucky jumped in before she could spill the beans. "I'll come. Is it okay if I come?" He turned to you.

"Pleeeaaaassseee, momma?" Your daughter looked to you with those big blue eyes just like her father's. 

"Yeah, please, momma?" Bucky jumped in. They both batted their eyes at you. Bucky whispered something in her ear and then they smiled.

Damn it.

You were powerless when it came to those smiles. He knew it and so did she. You just shook your head and laughed.

"Fine," you bit.

"Yaaaayyy!" They celebrated their victory together.

"Wow, you got played, auntie," Braylon said to you.

"Big time, kid."

********

You were preparing snacks when you heard the doorbell. You told the kids to go and open it since you knew it was Bucky.

"Hey, need me to help with anything?" He offers once inside.

"Um, if you could just get the kids in their pj's and grab their blankets, that'll be great. Jordy likes to sit on the right side of the couch and it's Bray's turn to have the remote."

"Got it," he turned to complete the task you'd given him.

While he handled the kids, you set their snacks up on the middle cushion. Bucky came down the stairs holding a kid under each arm like a sack of potatoes.

You opened the blu-ray and put the movie in, but left it open, so Braylon could close it. They enjoyed controlling the TV on movie night. Jordyn snuggled down on her side with her favorite Bucky blanket and Braylon did the same with his Sam Wilson blanket.

"Bray, I can't believe Sam is your favorite superhero, he's not even cooler than me," Bucky rolled his eyes.

"He can fly. Can you fly uncle Bucky?" He asked.

"I see how it is."

"You're still cool, daddy," Jordyn whispered.

"Thank you," Bucky kissed her forehead.

"Alright, are we ready kids... And Bucky?" You said as you took your normal place on the love seat, tucking your feet beneath you making sure to leave room for Bucky.

********

Midway through the movie you looked over to see both kids drifting off to sleep. You stretched your legs out and put them on Bucky's lap. He took that opportunity to switch his position and lie his head in your lap.

"What are you doing?" You froze.

"I'm getting comfortable," he replied nonchalantly.

You tried to keep your breathing even, but your heart rate increased anyway. You knew he could hear it, but he kept watching the movie. You wanted to run your fingers through his hair the way you used to. Just when you were about to cave, your phone started vibrating.

You picked it up to see that you had a text from someone you'd recently met. You responded and held the phone waiting for him to text again.

After a few messages back and forth, Bucky finally asked, "Who's texting you?"

"Um, none of your business." You sent your last message and put the phone on the table.

When another notification came through, you felt his body tense up.

"Can you grab a kid and help me put them to bed?"

"You can go ahead and get yourself ready for bed. I've got them," he moved off of you and grabbed Braylon first.

You scooped up your phone and followed behind him. You texted the mystery man back, put the phone on your dresser and went into the bathroom.

Once you came out of the bathroom, you heard Bucky talking to Jordyn. You tip toed to the door to watch them.

"But daddy, can you stay? I know you can't sleep in mommy's bed, but you can stay in mine." You heard her sleepy little voice. It brought tears to your eyes. You never wanted this for her. Sometimes, she understood that mommy and daddy didn't live together and other times, she just didn't want to accept it.

"No, princess, your bed is too small for me. I'll stay with you for a little while," he said and smushed his large body in the bed with her. The sight would've been hilarious had you not been feeling emotional. You walked away and back down to the kitchen for a glass of wine.

By the time you finished your second glass, Bucky still hadn't come down. You were tipsy and tired of waiting, so you went back upstairs, but when you peeked in on the kids, Bucky was gone. You were confused until you saw a bright white light coming from your dark room.

"What are you doing?" You walked up to him and snatched your phone from his hands. You saw that he'd been looking through all of your text messages.

"How long have you known that Andrew guy? Where did you meet him?" He fired off.

"You have no right to ask me those questions and you have no right to invade my damn privacy! How did you unlock my phone anyway?"

"I do have a right if you're going to be bringing these men around my child."

"Bucky, get the fuck out of my house," you said fed up.

"This is my house." He walked towards you and wrapped his arm around your waist to pull you closer once he finally reached you. "And if I ever catch any of those men here, it won't end well for them, so be careful," he said in your ear and then placed a soft kiss on your neck.

"You forfeited your place in this house when you decided to leave," you pushed him away, "now get out."

"Okay," he put his hands up in surrender.

He turned to leave and you waited until you heard his car start before setting the alarm. You paced back and forth. How dare he go through your phone? Who the fuck does he think he is threatening a man you hadn't even been on a date with yet? Then he had the absolute audacity to kiss you??

"And you," you pointed to your wet pussy, "you're a fucking traitor. One little tiny kiss and you're weak for him? No!"

You grabbed your phone and texted Andrew to meet you for coffee soon. He agreed and you both said goodnight.

********

You'd dropped the kids off over your sister's house. She wanted Braylon to come home for a few days and of course Jordyn packed her bag and tagged along. You went by the coffee shop to meet Andrew after. Seeing him again started out nice, but then he asked a few odd questions that put you off and you started looking for reasons to leave.

A few days had gone by and you'd stopped answering calls from him and would keep replies in texts short. 

Today, you were taking the trash out when you heard a familiar voice call your name.

"Andrew??"

"Hey, you, uh, you live here?" He asked.

"Yeah, what are you doing here?" You looked around.

"Oh, I have a friend who lives just up the road and I was headed home when I saw you come out," he explained.

"Oh, I see... Well, I'm —"

"How are you?" He cut you off, "I haven't heard much from you since we met up last."

"I've just been busy with some stuff is all," you lied.

There was an awkward silence that surrounded you for a moment.

"Can I come inside? Maybe we can sit and chat for a while," he suggested.

"No, I don't think so. I barely know you, Andrew." You stepped up on to the porch and opened the door. When you turned to say goodbye, he was right behind you.

"Just give me a chance," he pressed.

"Back up," you sounded stern, but your heart was racing.

He took a small step back, but he was still way too close for comfort.

"Who were you visiting?" You asked.

"Excuse me?" He was confused.

"You said you saw me, because you were leaving a friend's house. Who is your friend?" You were now visibly shaken. His lack of an answer told you everything you needed to know. You knew there was something off about him a few days ago.

You tried to run into the house and shut the door, but he was too close. He ran in behind you and grabbed your top. You picked up a lamp from one of the side tables and smashed it over his head.

"Ah!" He yelled, "you crazy fucking bitch!"

He pushed you into a wall. Your back hit so hard that it knocked the wind out of you. You hit the floor gasping for air. Your brain kept telling you to scream, but nothing was coming from your mouth.

He grabbed you up by your hair and forced you to look at him.

"Was that really necessary?" He spoke through clenched teeth.

You could feel the tears stinging your eyes, but you blinked rapidly to keep them from falling. You would never let this psycho see you cry. 

Of all the days for Bucky to not randomly stop by, you thought to yourself.

Bucky. Your eyes widened at the thought of him.

"FRIDAY, call Bucky!!" You yelled quickly.

That made Andrew pause and gave you an opportunity to strike. You punched him in the stomach hard enough for him to buckle and he let you go. You smashed your knee into his face as hard as you could. The crunch sound from his nose breaking was far more satisfying than it should have been.

"Leave now and you might get to live," you warned him.

"I'll take my chances," he charged at you.

He threw you to the floor on the pile of glass from the lamp. You felt a piece tear through the skin on your upper arm. For the first time you were able to scream.

"Don't scream now, I tried being nice to you, but you wanna be a bitch and force my hand," he said just before wrapping his hands around your throat.

[bexterbex]

A Soul to Mend His Own | Ch. 3

A Kylo Ren x Modern! Reader in a soulmate au with some canon divergence. —————————————SLOWBURN————————————–

He is already the Supreme leader, searching the universe to find you, his Empress. Your name on his wrist has been the only constant in his life, while you have doubts about his existence and his acceptance of you. He isn’t in the database and why did the name Kylo Ren cover Ben Solo?

Originally posted on my Ao3 Crystallclover. If you missed Chapter 1, Click Here

Chapter 1 | 2 | 3 | 4 | 5 | 6

Chapter 3: Of Speculation and Anticipation

Summary: “In fifteen minutes we will hear from the Prime Minister with more information about the First Order and what we as citizens are expected to do. Please stay tuned to CBC News for updates.” And “Tonight at 7 PM Eastern Standard Time First Order Supreme Leader Ren will address the public for the second time.”

_______________________________________________________________________

You arrive home and park in your building’s ramp. You see Carter pulling into the guest parking zone. You wait for them.

“Want to order something for lunch,” asked Carter.

“Sure, does curry sound alright,” you asked. Carter nodded and you both headed into your building.

You both took the stairs up to your floor and you unlocked your door. Both of you took off your shoes and you pulled out your phone to do your usual curry order

“So this thing with the First Order. What do you think? How many people are out there,” Asked Carter.

“I don’t know what to think. This all feels like some weird Sci-Fi movie. Why is this the first time we have been contacted by some sort of ‘alien’ race? This is just weird,” you responded. You pulled out your laptop and set it up on your small kitchen table. You set up a live feed to the CBC News broadcast and plugged your laptop in.

“What if they are really peaceful and don’t mean any harm. You heard that man, the Supreme Leader I think that’s what he’s called, as long as we follow orders we should be fine,” responded Carter.

Suddenly you both get a text in your group chat from Hayden asking, ‘What’s up with this alien invasion thing 👽? Spooky 👻’

“Should we invite him over,” asked Carter.

“Yeah, let’s see if I can add to the lunch order,” you responded while Carter texted Hayden back.

“Damn it, it won’t let me. Let me check if I have any salad or anything to go with it,” you told Carter.

“Why don’t I text Hayden that if he plans on coming over now he needs to bring something,” asked Carter.

You nodded with approval. Although Carter texted Hayden separately he is always the type to respond in the group chat. ‘Coolio, I’ll pick up some drinks and chips and hummus 😂’

“Why he does that I’ll never understand,” you stated. Carter nodded in agreement.

The live stream on your laptop flashed so you unmuted it.

Live from Ottawa

“In fifteen minutes we will hear from the Prime Minister with more information about the First Order and what we as citizens are expected to do. Please stay tuned to CBC News for updates,” said the blond anchorwoman. You turned down the volume on your laptop to a background noise level.

“Dang. Hopefully, he has more information as to who they are. I have been checking the government website all day and no one really has anything. Their Supreme Leader is a total mystery,” said Carter.

You both then went to minding your phones. You scrolled through twitter. Everyone was talking about #alieninvasiondc and #firstorder. No one had any real news, just speculation from what you could see. Ironically the #raidarea51 tag was trending again talking about how this is what the U.S. government was hiding.

There was a knock on your door. You went to open it. The delivery person was there with your food. You paid him and he went on his way. Almost immediately after you shut the door there was another knock. Hayden this time with the drinks and chips and hummus.

He walks in without taking off his shoes and said, “aliens man who would have thunk.”

“Take off your damn shoes I don’t know how time I have to tell you,” you scolded Hayden who made his way back to the door.

“Ok jeez it’s not like your apartment is huge. It won’t take long to clean it,” Hayden responded.

Carter just rolled their eyes at the two of you. Hayden was the more relaxed, and slobby of the three of you. You were more type A, where everything had a place and you like things just so. He was definitely the extrovert of the group, someone who could have a 3-hour long conversation with a bartender about their life. Meanwhile, you were more of an introvert. Carter was the perfect balance for you two. Ever the optimist but an ambivert none the less.

Hayden loved conspiracy theories. Always talking about a new one here or there. He was the least adult out of the three of you. You had your habits and the way you liked things. Being a minimalist you liked the things you liked the way you liked them. You needed to be efficient and precise in order to survive your home and work life.

“My apartment may be small, but if it bothers you why is it that we always end up here, hmm?” You responded sarcastically.

Hayden just shrugged and went about preparing himself a plate of curry, rice hummus and chips while grabbing a cider from the six-pack he brought.

“I don’t know if you heard but the Prime Minister will be speaking in a few minutes, hopefully with more information on this First Order stuff,” said Carter trying to distract you two from your usual petty disagreements.

Carter was the glue to your friendship. The rock to keep you three together. Despite Hayden’s extroversion, there were still some prejudices against the unmatched. He could easily find someone to go home with after a night at the bars but had a hard time making lasting friendships until he found Carter.

“Cool, love seeing my man Trudeau,” said Hayden.

Just now your laptop screen flashed with the news report. You turned up the volume.

Live from Ottawa

The Prime Minister started to speak, “as you all know yesterday there was a visit to Earth by a then-unknown group who we now know to be the First Order. Earlier this morning the U.S. President spoke to everyone on behalf of the United Nations. I myself and many others are in agreement that the First Order have come here in peace. I ask everyone in Canada to act peacefully and follow all instructions that you may receive from the government or the First Order.

You will be able to register at all public government offices like the housing department, the post office, the motor vehicle registration office, the social insurance number office, the immigration office and more. In the upper parts of provinces and in major cities there will be temporary registration stations. Please check the government website canada.ca to find any more places to register.

We ask that all citizens of Earth remain calm and proceed to be registered. Earlier the President said that citizens may be reassigned to duties within the First Order. This will only happen with your consent and only to positions, the First Order may need. You also may have the choice to temporarily be reassigned to help with registration.

The First Order will also be removing all standard currency and will be shifting all current wealth into the galaxy’s credit system or galactic credit. No citizen will lose any portion of their wealth and all physical currency will be able to be exchanged at any bank, credit union, or any government office and all digital currency or any currency currently kept at a bank or credit union will be converted automatically. This will happen 3 days after the trade deadline. By the end of the month, Earth will join the galactic trade economy and will be able to set up trade with any planet within the First Order rule.

Tonight at 7 PM Eastern Standard Time First Order Supreme Leader Ren will address the public for the second time. It is important that all citizens tune into the news and all employers are mandated to allow all employees the opportunity to watch or listen to Supreme Leader Ren’s speech. Thank you.”

All three of you sat stunned looking at the laptop. Carter was the first to speak.

“Is he human, Supreme Leader Ren I mean? You saw that helmet thing I wonder what's under there” asked Carter.

“I don’t know maybe he’s got like a tentacle face like Davey Jones did from that Pirates of the Caribbean movie. What do you think Y/N,” asked Hayden.

“You both say the videos of last night’s landing right? There was a ginger man with them, maybe they are human, but there is probably some sort of mix within their ranks. You’ve both seen Star Trek and other Sci-Fi movies. There is a possibility all of the First Order with helmets are some other species. Maybe they brought that ginger man to calm us all down so we don’t have an alien vs predator thing,” you said.

Both Carter and Hayden seemed to nod in agreement. For a little bit, you all went about eating your food.

“Hey, this might be one of my crazy theories but what if your guys’ matches are some weird alien species,” said Hayden. “Like think how cool that would be!”

“I will love whoever or whatever they are. The universe thought it was important enough to put their name on my wrist so that is all I care about,” said Carter continuing to eat.

You just simply looked down at the names on your wrist. You secretly hoped that Kylo/Ben wasn’t going to be disgusted at you being human.

[idreamtofmanderleyagain]

Hellraiser Fandom and the Invisibility of Women’s Abuse

I’m starting to come to terms with why the Last Drive In interviews stuck with me in a bad way.

It kind of eluded me for a while, but to give you guys the emotional lead-up to what was underlying my sense of discomfort and irritation, let me explain a few things. When I heard the interview was going to happen, I watched some portions of a different Last Drive In episode to get a sense of what the whole thing was about. It’s your standard hosted horror movie show. 

It’s also awkwardly sexist. They have a character on it, Darcy The Mail Girl, who as far as I could tell in my first viewing, basically exists on the show to be ogled and be the butt of sexual humor. The men filming would even break the fourth wall to snicker and whistle when she would say something sexual. In 2020, it was extraordinarily cringe-worthy to watch, and I’m at a loss that we’re still living in a world where this is normalized. It was like watching something from the 80′s. She is extremely objectified on the show. 

I don’t blame her for this. Apparently, she was the victim of some awful bullying and body-shaming fairly recently, and I don’t want to put more suffering on that girl’s shoulders. I respect her. I think she respects herself. The circumstances surrounding a woman being in a position like this are complicated, and I do not pretend to understand her situation. She’s also allowed her own feelings about what she can and cannot handle, and what is and is not okay with her.

Nevertheless, the segment I saw in that other episode with Darcy was alienating and even rather upsetting. I felt a second-hand humiliation and pain. I didn’t feel like Darcy was put in a position where she was in control of her own sexual expression. Perhaps Darcy’s actress disagrees with me, and that’s fine. But as a female audience member, I was already feeling a sense of unease and unwelcome.

So I was obviously primed for discomfort before the interviews even started.

Joe Bob Briggs (the host) said a few things that did not sit quite right with me. Quite frankly, he repeated some more annoying fanboy statements that tend to stick in my craw. His rather basic interpretation of the film, juxtaposed against the awkward, stifling feeling of watching Doug and Ashley try to explain the deeper concepts that eluded him reminded my of my own frustrations listening to the male fans of these films’ constant comprehension failure.

How many times does Doug have to repeat the words he’s basically memorized by heart regarding the tragedy and complex nature of Pinhead? Why does this get forgotten, glossed over, even retconned so much?

Why does it always feel like Ashley gets disregarded? Every time we see an interview with her (which is comparatively rare), nobody really speaks to the deeper thoughts she expresses on her character or the narrative, but every man in the comments has something to say about her hotness level.

When we got to the point that Ashley tried to explain to Briggs that she thought Pinhead was fair in a certain scene, and that Pinhead was speaking to Kirsty’s accountability for her own desires, Briggs responds incredulously; “You think Kirsty OWES Pinhead?!” 

Ashley had spent a portion of the interview having to dismiss the relevance of characters like Steve and Kyle in Kirsty’s life, and was now suggesting a deeper subtext in her interactions with Pinhead that both A) did not cast Kirsty as pure and sexless and without culpability, and B) did not cast Pinhead as her aggressor but as her psychological mirror. 

This is the subtext that is most often disregarded by casual fans and some hardcore fans alike, that Kirsty may not be the innocent and sexless Final Girl, and that Pinhead may not be the predatory Slasher monster intent on using a sharp weapon to penetrate her violently for his own gratification, and that dynamic may not be the be-all-end all of their relationship for the rest of time.

I’ve been turning Brigg’s incredulous response around in my brain for a while. And it’s made me realize something about how men experience Hellraiser’s narrative, and why it differs so greatly for many women.

Doug has more than once spoken to the fact that women react to Pinhead very differently than men. He was of course speaking of the sexual interest he would get, but he has remarked upon the fact at least once that he’s not entirely sure why that is, exactly.

It’s...not that strange to me that women desire rather than fear the character, or that Ashley would have a more positive response to Kirsty’s relationship with him rather than her relationships with the seemingly benign boys of the films. 

There is an order to which women first learn about sex. For some it’s a little different but I believe this is a fairly common experience: The very first thing we learn is that it’s going to hurt (but maybe also feel good after). The second thing we learn is that boys will want to take it from us and will manipulate and lie to us to get it, but that it’s supposed to happen in a loving relationship. The third thing we learn is that we want it too, but we aren’t supposed to because it’s dirty and wrong for us to want it. 

Women grow up with an inherent anxiety around sex, an anxiety that is complicated by our own desires.

Everything in Hellraiser is perfectly reflective of a reality that men clearly do not have the context to fully comprehend, because women’s real experiences of desire, and of male violence, are a blind spot.

The men who hurt women don’t have pins in their head and wax gothic poetry about suffering. They don’t wear dark capes and turn into bats and hypnotize women from their windows to drink their blood. 

The men who hurt women look like Frank, or J.P. Monroe, or Trevor, or Channard, or every bumbling aggressive fool Julia seduced home. 

They look like Larry and Steve. 

Larry let his wife scream “no” and “stop” several times before he responded, regardless of the true reasons she was screaming those words. And when he finally did stop, it was out of anger rather than concern. This is, as far as I’m aware, the most common form of sexual violence a woman can experience - a man they give their trust to suddenly doesn’t respect a “no.”

So, so many times, I have heard men say how badly they felt for Larry, how innocent poor Larry was. 

Men live in a fantasy world where it’s more comfortable for them to imagine characters like Larry as good man, a victim of Julia’s callousness who isn’t in Hell not because he never touched the box, but because he is inherently innocent. They live in a fantasy world where it’s odd that Steve abandoned Kirsty the minute something deeply traumatic happened to her (Briggs remarked upon this). Raise your hand if a man has done the same to you when the cards where down.

Steve’s response to Kirsty getting too drunk to stand properly was to “jokingly” tell her to lie down in this sleazeball way that indicated he was insinuating taking advantage of her intoxicated state. Also one of the most common forms of sexual violence a woman can experience.

The men who Julia took home would respond aggressively when she chickened out of sex, either blindly or in an attempt to shame and guilt her into proceeding.

Should we talk about the fact that Kyle is a psychiatrist who shouldn’t be romancing a traumatized patient in his care who’s parent was just fucking brutally murdered? Or does that feel too petty in comparison?

The men who hurt women are more typically their friends, their fathers, their uncles, their boyfriends, their husbands.

What’s so funny about all of this is that Pinhead somehow does better at consent than these men, at least in a manner of speaking. He’s the only man who legitimately listens to Kirsty, and responds to her “no.” No matter what he threatens, he always stops to hear her out, lets her do what she wants, is always talking about her desires and pleasure, and in the end always ends up destroying the men abusing her rather than going through with ever harming her. 

Briggs seemed keen on viewing Pinhead as a Satanic figure. Historically, what is the role of women who are in a position to encounter the devil? Usually, they are witches, wanton women who gain magical power through sexual communion with the devil. A framework of propaganda that men have historically used to persecute women.

The men who hurt and oppress women in real life don’t look or act like Satan, but they sure as hell are ready to write narrative after narrative of Satanic figures menacing women while they save the day, and they sure as hell like to blame women for preferring “bad boys” and “assholes” over the “nice guy.” 

It’s more comfortable for men to imagine Pinhead as this cool figure of pure evil with no feelings or capacity for mercy, because they can live vicariously through his violence (particularly when they’re writing him doing it to half-naked women, looking at you H3) and yet simultaneously distance their moral identities from him. 

It’s more comfortable to compartmentalize what good vs. predatory masculinity looks like in a way that benefits their self-image and the status quo. This is a lie men tell themselves.

It’s safer for men to point to Pinhead and say, “this is what a predator looks like,” while curiously never speaking of the callous, scummy and predatory behavior of every single other man in the films, even to the point of occasionally discussing the perceived tragedy of fucking Frank’s spiral into darkness long before they can feel entirely comfy imagining Pinhead as having a past where he was a good man with sad feelings, or regard his act of self-sacrifice for Kirsty as anything but a moment of weakness that was “bad writing” and therefore should never have happened.

There is an extraordinary irony in a man arguing with Pinhead’s own actor over the nature of his evil, while running a show where a female character’s fuckability is her main characteristic and it’s okay to behave as if she doesn’t even have real feelings.

All this nonsense in the spaces I go to have fun, while we’re dealing with the background radiation of a President who’s sexual abuses are swept under the rug, his masculinity praised regularly and his violence against our people gaslighted. While we’re dealing with the mass-recorded aggressive violence of police - white men in positions of authority whom we are supposed to trust to keep us safe. While men make other men laugh about the violation of girls so they don’t have to deal with the reality of one of the “nice” funny guys being a predator.

Fuck you. I’d rather burn.

[janiedean]

Do you think hollywood will ever get out of its “woke” phase or will it only get worse from here?

... I sat on this for a while and I honestly don’t know how to take it, because woke means absolutely nothing put on like that and it’s not like if movies address social justice issues or start caring about accurate representation or whatnot or what we mean for woke it’s automatically a bad thing, but like the problem with any hollywood production is that hollywood makes movies thinking about money first and artistic value later unless we count a handful of directors/people who can go a good movie that will make money (spielberg/zemeckis etc) or who are at a point in their career where their CV is so out of this world good that they can afford to do whatever they want and/or are huge names who made history who have their own money/circle/clout or their own production company (scorsese, clint eastwood etc). also the second contingent problem is that most people only watch mainstream movies that were released recently which means that everything that comes out these days is supposedly groundbreaking when in truth it’s not 99% of the time.

ps: this rant has very vague spoilers for the 2019 joker so like... thread carefully but it’s really really vague xD

now, since I apparently decided to go at this pseudo-seriously even if I think the question means all and everything, I’ll try to, but basically:

if by woke we mean performative representation/performative social justice themes/*insert-token-character-here*, it’s a 100% question of what the studios think the audience wants vs what makes money vs milking the thing until it’s dry. I mean, I’m talking in general about a genre no one on tumblr cares about, but as someone who loves bad/trashy testosterone-driven action movies every single time I see one with the Badass Female Character Inserted By Force Because The Studio Said They Needed At Least One Quota Because Otherwise People Say It’s Not Feminist I roll my eyes a lot because if I’m watching a genre which is the male equivalent of the female empowerment romcom (ie: if romcoms are the-empowerment-fantasy-for-girls the trashy action movie is the same for guys) I don’t need the Fake Strong Female Character in it because I’m not watching it for the feminism, but until people will worry about the bechdel test as the ultimate proof a movie is good then we’ll get the token character that makes no sense, but since these days the hype is there, you’ll get it because the studio wants the money;

on the other side, if we mean people want actual representation and should push the studios to have it/not whitewash characters etc it’s an entirely legitimate complaint and I don’t think hollywood should *get out of the woke phase* or whatever, but my issue is that most of the time it ends up turning performative as well. as in: you know the dark tower movie? (yeah, yeah, I hate it, I earned the right to trash talk it) when they racebent the lead everyone was screaming at how woke and progressive it was... except that they didn’t wanna hear/didn’t want to discuss the fact that the only reason they did that (imvho) was that they adapted seven books in one movie, cut the female disabled character who’s also mentally ill who’s actually black in the original canon and since they didn’t want to get called out on having done that, they racebent the lead so they looked progressive, but do we really think that doing that rather than adapting the actual black character they had which would have required at least some effort is more progressive? idk but I think it’s not. anyway: i’m all for people pushing for this, but they need to be coherent. in the sense that for all I don’t agree with clint eastwood’s political views, if you watch gran torino where the protagonist becomes friends with his vietnamese hmong neighbor, all the hmong characters were actually cast from hmong actors and if you look at interviews online with hmong people about that movie the opinion is that even if the script could have been better for some of them, they were delighted that he cast from their community and didn’t cast from another asian ethnicity that for any producer would have meant the exact same thing because figures if producers gaf about accurate casting when it comes to that. but like, hollywood won’t gaf about that until people are vocal about needing good and specific rep and not just generic ‘as long as it’s X it’s fine’;

that also goes for wanting more movies with minorities having a role - hollywood will go for giving minorities roles as long as it gives them good money/clout, but it won’t care for good movies about minorities or minority actors having good roles until people are vocal about it and/or it means money loss if they do it wrong;

(caveat: this obviously excludes actors from minorities whose work transcended that - meaning, for example will smith gets cast 85% of the time based on part and not on his skin color because he’s uber famous and he made his name in a specific genre and so on, but like we’re talking about the people who made the Upper Level of Superstar Hollywood)

anyway tldr: hollywood american movies were always 95% made for the money and reflect what they think the audience wants to pay for, which means that if hollywood producers think that people want fake woke movies then they’ll give them the fake woke movies.

this also goes hand in hand with the other problem I mentioned ie that people don’t watch movies that aren’t recent so hollywood can get away with pretending to be original when it’s actually not. now since we don’t wanna diss anything, i’ll mention a movie I actually did like *drumroll*... joker.

or, to specify what I mean:

tldr, I thought that joker was a very well-executed and planned and shot movie which had a good idea and went down well on it and was basically the batman movie nolan dreamed he was doing with the black knight and whose point was telling you that a sick system that abandons the weakest people in it (poor, mentally ill etc) and mocks them as if it’s their own fault that they aren’t better than that eventually breeds chaos and hurt and crime and it’s the fault of the system/the people in charge who don’t see it. now: that’s the least original idea in existence and I’ll go on it in depth later. except that..

when I go look at recs especially from american media, there’s a polarization between ‘OMG THIS INCITES VIOLENCE IT’S HORRIBLE IT’S DANGEROUS’ and ‘OMG THIS IS A NEW MASTERPIECE I’VE NEVER SEEN ANYTHING LIKE IT BEFORE GROUNDBREAKING AMAZING NO ONE EVER DID IT BEFORE’, which to me is imvho showing very clearly where we have the issue;

as in, issue one: OMG IT INCITES VIOLENCE BLAH BLAH it’s the oldest excuse in existence that has been disproved over and over and it’s just another proof of how puritan/calvinist is the viewership because the point is not inciting violence, it’s showing that as stated not giving a fuck about people who need help means growing discontent that then explodes... which again, you don’t need to read freud’s theory about the masses to know that if the majority of the population lives in shitty conditions you get revolutions;

issue two: the only original/innovative think joker has going for itself is that it’s a movie that has a way wider audience than usual *and* an actual comic book/genre film to discuss the aforementioned issue going in depth into it and not sugarcoating it. but other than that... the deconstruction of the hero/villain in a corrupt world was already in watchmen if you want a genre movie and there have been endless others pointing that out except not that mainstream (because again everyone knows what batman is and who’s the joker, watchmen is a lot more niche), the spectacularization of THAT THING on television was already in network that came out in the year of the lord 1976 and the entire movie was basically an homage to taxi driver when it came to how it was filmed/structured and I guessed 95% of what was gonna happen in the first fifteen minutes. it’s nothing groundbreaking whatsoever, but apparently everyone thinks it is because they haven’t seen either of the above movies or any other that predated this one;

now, joker is a movie I actually liked so I don’t see the lack of originality as a bad thing because that wasn’t the point, but like just to say one, hearing people say that mad max fury road was revolutionary feminist action movie and nothing else ever happened before it when there have been four alien movies before, the valid terminator movies (one and two obviously), kill bill and so on, as in stuff that existed in the eighties was honestly meh because I did like MMFR but again it was hardly groundbreaking (maybe it is for this decade and for other reasons but not for the plot). now, both of these are good movies, but like....... 95% of nolan’s movies are hailed as top originality masterpieces and imvho he’s good but not that good and if people think dunkirk is the best war movie ever it’s because they haven’t ever seen an actual effective war movie (like I can’t even believe some people said it was like two hours of saving private ryan’s first twenty minutes, five minutes of SPR were endlessly better than all of dunkirk and SPR is hardly the best war movie out there), same for about anything he does. now, that’s way beyond the wokeness discourse, but the point is that if people don’t watch other movies and then think that hollywood’s performative woke stuff is peak progressive movie when it really really really is not then hollywood isn’t going to bother producing better stuff that’s both progressive and quality (which can happen I mean have we all seen philadelphia, even if that is like... not exactly mainstream hollywood and it was a risky movie to make but anyway not the problem). tldr: people need to stop acting like the last ten years of movies have been the only era in cinema where you got progressive movies because it’s not true and for one I can 100% assure you that for all its faults tied to the era, the defiant ones is a lot more seriously woke and effective when it comes to discussing racism in the US than 85% of the contemporary stuff I see.

so, idk what you meant with the original question, but imvho: hollywood will produce fake-performative woke movies until the audience contents itself with fake-wokeness instead of actual good material or until people decide to finally stop watching only blockbusters and also give money to indie filmmakers or like nonamerican filmmakers and anyway hollywood goes where the money goes.

which mean that if the activism irl doesn’t stop being performative and becomes serious and therefore automatically turns into people asking for serious rep and not the token character/plot, you’ll keep on getting fake woke movies. (also the day people stop saying GO WATCH THAT MOVIE BECAUSE IT’S WOKE without having even seen it and having read the summary on tumblr will be amazing, but that’s not the day.)

that said, since the idea behind a lot of the fake wokeness is actually right (ie: we need more women/minorities of every kind in movies or television/we need more rep that aren’t blonde blue eyed tall white guys/we need to cast ethnical minorities properly etc) we can hope that people actually grasp the message and we get more and more movies that cast people correctly or who have good rep for the good reasons and I’m all for it because that is a good thing. fake wokeness is not. 

but anyway: hollywood stops being each single trend it is when that trend stops selling. that’s your answer. and until we all think that the oscars are top cinematography choices in existence, it’s not gonna happen.

to end it all: no one is obliged to watch hollywood movies. actually, it’s highly advised to spend your money on either foreign movies or indie movies or independent movies or riskier projects rather than hollywood blockbusters if you don’t want fake progressive stuff also because those movies usually gaf about the issues they touch and if they get money maybe it means more of them get made.

and this was my rant, idk if that’s what you wanted to hear but I guess that’s what I had to say on the topic.

[lgbt-i-guess]

1-170 for those honest asks

1: How tall or short do you wish you were?

idk 5′5″?

2: What’s your dream pet? (Real or not)

snaek

3: Do you have a favourite clothing style?

I rly like darker clothes

4: What was your favourite video game growing up?

alien vs predator

5: What three things/people do you think of most each day:

bf

my friend Caitlin

kai

6: If you had a warning label, what would yours say?

emotionally unavailable for a while

7: What is your opinion on [insert person/thing here]?

u didn't insert the thing

8: What is your Greek personality type? [Sanguine, Phlegmatic, Choleric, or Melancholic]

phlegmatic

9: Are you ticklish?

very

10: Are you allergic to anything?

not anymore

11: What’s your sexuality?

atm I'm going for gay ace

12: Do you prefer tea, coffee, or cocoa?

cocoa

13: Are you a cat or dog person?

cat

14: Would you rather be a vampire, elf, or merperson?

vampire honestly

15: Do you have a favourite Youtuber?

callmekevin, graystillplays, or rtgames

16: How tall are you?

5′1″

17: If you had to change your name, what would you change it to?

like legally? either spencer cade or kai

18: How much do you weigh? [Only ask this if you know the user doesn’t mind!]

idk? i think abt 57kg

19: Do you believe in ghosts/spirits?

yes

20: Do you like space or the ocean more?

spaece

21: Are you religious?

not rly

22: Pet peeves?

leaving the door open when ive asked to close it

23: Would you rather be nocturnal or diurnal [opposite of nocturnal]?

nocturnal

24: Favorite constellation?

orion

25: Favorite star?

idk

26: Do you like ball-jointed dolls?

not rly?

27: Any phobias or fears?

bugs that fly

28: Do you think global warming is real?

yeah

29: Do you believe in reincarnation?

yeah

30: Favorite movie?

idk rn

31: Do you get scared easily?

kinda

32: How many pets have you own in your lifetime?

47 if u consider every animal thats lived in the house

33: Blog rate? [You’ll rate the blog of the one who’s asking.]

5/10 ig ur anonymous

34: What is a colour that calms you?

blue

35: Where would you like to travel and/or live?

i wanna see mountains

36: Where were you born?

england

37: What is your eye colour?

blue

38: Introvert or extrovert?

introvert but also i have no shame

39: Do you believe in horoscopes and zodiacs?

yeah

40: Hugs or kisses?

both is good

41: Who is someone you would like to see/visit right now?

bf

42: Who is someone you love deeply?

bf

43: Any piercings you want?

ears

44: Do you like tattoos and piercings?

I DO

45: Do you smoke or have you ever done so?

i have not but my mum did

46: Talk about your crush, if you have one!

aaaaaaaaaaaa okay so

ive mostly been able to ignore this crush bc we dont talk much but hes so good im love him and idk what to say s o

47: What is a sound you really hate?

scrapping

48: A sound you really love?

bf laugh

49: Can you do a backflip?

i can not

50: Can you do the splits?

i can not

51: Favorite actor and/or actress?

tom holland

52: Favorite movie?

idk is this a repeat question

53: How are you feeling right now?

hungy

54: What colour would you like your hair to be right now?

blue. bright blue.

55: When did you feel happiest?

idk i think when my bfs and i started dating

56: Something that calms you down?

hugs

57: Have any mental conditons? [Only ask this if you know the user doesn’t mind!]

yeah i have:

- depression

- autism

- adhd

58: What does your URL mean?

well i was remaking my blogs after the age purge and i was making the discourse one and went “okay what is this about” and thought “idk lgbt i guess”

59: What three words describe you the most?

idk

60: Do you believe in evolution?

yeah

61: What makes you unfollow a blog?

not much

62: What makes you follow a blog?

interesting

63: Favorite kind of person:

idk

64: Favorite animal(s):

canine

65: Name three of your favourite blogs.

@shutthefuckup-terfs @official-cisphobe @purgatorian-princess

66: Favorite emoticon:

idk

67: Favorite meme:

idk

68: What is your MBTI personality type?

idk

69: What is your star sign?

aquarius

70: Can your dog roll over on command, if you have a dog?

she can if its my brother asking

71: What outfit out of all your clothes do you like to wear the most?

i have one outfit

72: Post a selfie or two?

im p sure i already have

73: Do you have platform shoes?

no

74: What is one random but interesting fact about yourself?

idk

75: Can you do a front flip?

i can not

76: Do you like birds?

i do

77: Do you like to swim?

i do

78: Is swimming or ice skating more fun for you?

swimming

79: Something you wish didn’t exist:

trump

80: Something you wish did exist:

dragon

81: Piercings you have?

i did have my ears pierced but they healed

82: Something you really enjoy doing:

reading

83: Favorite person to talk to:

bf

84: What was your first impression of Tumblr?

it was rly nice

85: How many followers do you have?

232

86: Can you run a mile within ten minutes?

i cant run ten metres

87: Do your socks always match?

sometimes

88: Can you touch your toes and keep your legs straight completely?

i cant stand w my legs straight

89: What are your birthstones?

amethyst

90: If you were an animal, which one would you be?

idk

91: If a flower could aesthetically represent you, what kind would it be?

blac

92: A store you hate?

m&s

its nice but the sound is bad

93: How many cups of coffee can you drink in one day?

i dont

94: Would you rather be able to fly or read minds?

fly

95: Do you like to wear camo?

yes

96: Winter or summer?

winter

97: How long can you hold your breath for?

10secs

98: Least favourite person?

family

99: Someone you look up to:

idk

100: A store you love?

euro pizza

101: Favorite type of shoes

slippers

102: Where do you live?

northumberland

103: Are you a vegetarian or vegan? If so, why?

no

104: What is your favourite mineral or gem?

quartz

105: Do you drink milk?

i do im a milkdrinker

106: Do you like bugs?

no theyre demons

107: Do you like spiders?

no

108: Something you get paranoid about?

being watched

109: Can you draw:

kinda

110: Nosiest question you have ever been asked?

idk

111: A question you hate being asked?

idk

112: Ever been bitten by a spider?

no

113: Do you like the sound of waves at the beach?

yesss

114: Do you prefer cloudy or sunny days?

cloudy

115: Someone you’d like to kiss or cuddle right now:

bf

116: Favorite cloud type:

idk

117: What colour do you wish the sky was?

purpura

118: Do you have freckles?

i do not

119: Favorite thing about a person:

idk

120: Fruits or vegetables?

fruit

121: Something you want to do right now:

idk

122: Is the ocean or sky prettier?

ocean

123: Sweet or sour foods?

sweet

124: Bright or dim lights?

dim

125: Do you believe in a certain magical creature?

idk

126: Something you hate about Tumblr:

bigots

127: Something you love about Tumblr:

art

128: What do you think about the least?

idk

129: What would you want to be written on your tombstone?

“bastard at heart”

130: Who would you like to punch in the face right now?

brother

131: What is something you love but also hate about yourself?

clingyness

132: Do you smile with your teeth showing for pictures?

sometimes

133: Computer or TV?

computer

134: Do you like roller coasters?

no

135: Do you get motion sickness or seasickness?

no

136: Are your ears lobed or attached?

attached

137: Do you believe in karma?

yeah

138: On a scale of 1-10, how attractive would you say you are?

5

139: What nicknames do you have/have had?

idk

140: Did you have any pretend or imaginary friends?

yeah

141: Have you ever seen a therapist/shrink?

yeah

142: Would you say you are a good or bad influence on others?

idk

143: Do you prefer giving or receiving gifts/help?

idk

144: What makes you angry

disrespect

145: How many languages do you speak fluently?

1

146: Do you prefer boys, girls, and/or non-binaries?

boys + boy nbsz

147: Are you androgynous?

yeah

148: Favorite physical thing about yourself:

idk

149: Favorite thing about your personality:

idk

150: Name three people you would like to talk to right now in person.

bf

other bf

idk

151: If you could go back into time and live in one era, which would you choose?

idk

152: Do you like BuzzFeed?

unsolved yeah

153: How did you meet your spouse/girlfriend/boyfriend/partner? [If you have  one.]

i joined a discord server

154: Do you like to kiss others’ foreheads or hands for platonic reasons?

kinda

155: Do you like to play with others’ hair?

yeah

156: What embarrasses you?

why would i tell u

157: Something that makes you nervous/anxious:

idk

158: Biggest lie you have ever told:

idk

159: How many people are you following?

1215

160: How many posts do you have on your blog(s)?

3343

161: How many drafts do you have on your blog(s)?

1

162: How many likes do you have on your blog(s)?

2272

163: Last time you cried and why:

idk

164: Do you have long or short hair?

short

165: Longest your hair has ever been:

waist

166: Why do you like, dislike, or have neutral feelings about religion?

for the most part its dislike when it comes to organised religion but if its just personal its fine

167: Do you really care how the universe and world were created?

kinda

168: Do you like to wear makeup?

sometimes

169: Can you stand on your hands or head for more than thirty seconds?

nope

170: Did you answer the questions you were asked truthfully?

yeah

[ahouseoflies]

The Best Films of 2018, Part II

Part I is here. Let’s keep it moving. ENDEARING CURIOSITIES WITH BIG FLAWS

103. Zama (Lucretia Martel)- In this movie there's a motif of Zama, an officer of the 18th century Spanish Empire, starting a scene by talking to someone or staring at someone off camera. After a minute or two, the camera cuts to some servant and disorients us. There's a person there, always there, to serve him, and it doesn't really matter who it is. It's a brilliant way to get at the colonialism that the character depends on but is still trapped by. So I get a little bit of what the film is trying to do, but it's boring. I'm an ignorant person who doesn't know how to watch Lucretia Martel's films or have any context for South American history, but I know what boring is. 102. I Feel Pretty (Abby Kohn and Marc Silverstein)- I like that Schumer tried something different instead of falling back on her persona, but there isn't enough new or interesting here for me to recommend--besides National Treasure Michelle Williams, of course. The film nearly displays "Do you see that she's turning her back on her real friends now?" on the screen. 101. A Simple Favor (Paul Feig)- At times cheeky and sexy and juicy, but it still wears out its welcome by twists ninety-one and ninety-two. 100. Double Lover (Francois Ozon)- Diverting until it gets silly, then so silly that it gets diverting again. There are about five too many twists, and I'm still unclear on how seriously the film takes any of those twists. More importantly, I don't think there's much of a takeaway from any of it. Ozon seems to have found a real muse in Marine Vacth though. 99. Borg Vs. McEnroe (Janus Metz Pedersen)- As a Shia Pet, I felt obligated to see his portrayal of Johnny Mac. I didn't learn anything that I didn't already know from this mediocre biopic though. Watch the documentary McEnroe/Borg: Fire & Ice instead. 98. Ralph Breaks the Internet (Rich Moore and Phil Johnston)- There's some clever visualization of the the Internet, such as the way that a link shuttles an avatar off in a transparent car or the way that shady newsboy types whisper about pop-up ads. And I liked a lot of the Disney tie-in stuff that critics are wincing at. As far as textbook screenwriting goes, it's great at that idea of making you think that the protagonists will accomplish their goal very easily, only to have them be re-directed to square one. The voice acting is top-notch. Why do these movies get so plotty though? I felt as if the internal logic started getting inconsistent about halfway through--at the same time that the first one got bogged down with candy stuff instead of 8-bit video game stuff. And if there are so many lovable characters from the first entry, why do we get such tiny servings of them here? The movie's too long already, but what I wouldn't give for an occasional cut back to Fix-It Felix raising some kids.

97. We the Animals (Jeremiah Zagar)- The Tree of Life is one of my favorite movies, and on its face, We the Animals is a really similar impressionistic memory. So why do I like it half as much? Are lighting and music that important? Is Jessica Chastain? Is latent racism? All I know is that this felt like a story I had seen before pitched at the same intensity for a running time I was happy to see expire. 96. Kodachrome (Mark Raso)- The three leads are all pretty good. (Ed Harris does this bashful, pulling-on-his-eyelid thing that killed me.) But with mathematical precision, the film matched each element I liked with another thing that infuriated me. Specifically, the whole plot hinges on one scene, and that scene is preposterous and alien to human behavior. 95. Deadpool 2 (David Leitch)- The pacing of these movies is bizarre to me; they're half-over before they really get started. No one else is bothered by the fact that Cable has no motivation or backstory for the first hour? Some of the connections to X-Men felt more forced this time around, but I thought this entry was much funnier than the first, even mixing in some more subtle visual gags. (The exotic locales montage ending in Biloxi really got me.) I have to give credit to the X-Force parachute sequence, which is audacious and unexpected. And clear out for Zazie Beetz, who is a huge star in the making. 94. At Eternity’s Gate (Julian Schnabel)- Something about Van Gogh was essentially unknowable, which is a great reason to make a movie about him and a terrible reason to make a movie about him. I'm not sure that Julian Schnabel got to the bottom of the man any better than anyone else has, though maybe that's an unfair expectation. To his credit, Schnabel yada-yadas the ear business and Van Gogh's death in favor of his more poetic understanding of the artistic life. The movie doesn't coalesce for me, but there's a banger of a scene between Dafoe and Mads Mikkelsen about the responsibility an artist has toward God. That short nested inside makes the whole thing worth seeing. The conversation I had afterwards with one of the two other people in the theater, an art historian, was a solid three stars. 93. Bohemian Rhapsody (Bryan Singer)- Some biographical movies do a good job of compressing time, and their supporting characters don't feel sacrificed or glossed over. For many other mediocre ones though, including this one, I submit the Three Scene Rule. Three scenes is kind of the minimum for a character to register an arc and for an actor to present any kind of dynamic performance, so in a lot of these true story movies, that's all that a supporting character gets. If you're looking for it, it's glaring. (Watch Hidden Figures again with the husband and boyfriend characters in mind. I'll wait.) This movie has a few characters that matter: Freddie Mercury, obvs; the other Queen members; Paul Prenter, the unfairly composited villain; and Mary Austin, the platonic love of Mercury's life. The movie spends way too much time on her, as if to tease the audience with the idea that Freddie might be straight. As for everyone else? Three scenes. Ray Foster, the record executive played by Mike Myers (!): A. "Look, guys, I like formulas. This opera stuff you're talking about? That sounds crazy." B. "The opera stuff is crazy. I ain't making that the single. You can walk out of here for all I care." C. [hangs head in shame after being proven wrong] Jim Hutton, Freddie's partner for the seven years this movie doesn't care about: A. "Look, pal, I may be a waiter, but you can't just grab me like that. On second thought, let's talk. You should learn how to love yourself." B. "Oh, hey. Glad you tracked me down, slugger. You love yourself now? Sure, let's go meet your parents." C. "Guess I'm your boyfriend now. Looking forward to the show." Freddie's Parents: A. "You go out every night! What are you doing out there? Why can't you be a good boy? What's up with your new name?" B. "Why can't you be a good boy? What's up with your new name?" C. "You're a good boy, I guess, even if you're gay. Guess that's your name for real." I like the idea of reproducing the Live Aid performance in full, and the movie comes alive during its musical sequences. But I wish that the same attention given to, like, the number of Pepsi cups on the piano was also given to the nuts and bolts of the storytelling.

92. The Predator (Shane Black)-  I get why other people don't like this. The final fourth feels obligatory, and it seems cut to the verge of incoherence. But if you don't get a little tingle out of a game cast saying Shane Black things like, "Predators don't just sit around making hats out of rib cages," then we are very different moviegoers.

91. Sorry to Bother You (Boots Riley)- I admire Boots Riley's ambition, the way he's taking many of the ideas that drove his music and channeling them into film. But there are too many ideas and, strangely, too much plot to cohere. I liked some of the jokes, especially the Robocop-py TV clips laced throughout. I think my main problem, however, is Lakeith Stanfield as Cassius. He's a fascinating actor, but his energy is completely wrong for an everyman lead like this. I don't think he was the right choice to carry it. 90. Thoroughbreds (Cory Finley)- The repartee at the beginning is sharp, and there are some engaging elements of style. God knows I've never complained about rich, sad, nubile brunettes with strange eyes. But there are pieces missing in that forest-for-the-trees way that happens sometimes with debuts. Like, how do these privileged girls not have access to a gun when our national nightmare is based on all young people having access to guns? Or what is the exact motivation behind the crime at the center? Lots of great characters have been spurred by a violent curiosity, but a zinger here and there doesn't make these girls Raskolnikov. 89. White Boy Rick (Yann DeMange)- Even if this isn't it, I think Yann Demange has a great film in him. There's some urgency to White Boy Rick's politics, and it looks interesting. If nothing else, it succeeds in making the surroundings seem as gloomy as the characters all acknowledge them to be. But this isn't a great film in either of its halves. It's motivated by plot until a crucial event that I don't want to reveal, then it veers much more into character. I would normally sign off on that, but this movie grinds to a halt in the change and never recovers. McConaughey pulls his weight, but Richie Merritt is pretty bad in the lead. 88. The Strangers: Prey at Night (Johannes Roberts)- Despite some striking images and a welcome lack of explanation for the menace, Prey at Night doesn't reach the heights of its predecessor, mostly because the characters are too paint-by-numbers. 87. Ant-Man and the Wasp (Peyton Reed)- Probably the first Marvel movie that would benefit from more action. Some of the material is genuinely funny thanks to Michael Pena and Randall Park, but I got a little drowsy during the middle hour of talk about phase-shifting and the quantum realm. Get back to making things big or making things little, Dr. Molecule! 86. Creed II (Steven Caple Jr.)- The pieces are there, but it's a problem when Jim Lampley, who has one hundred times as many lines as the fifth lead, explains to the audience what they literally saw an hour earlier. If nothing else, this movie proves, through his absence, how good of a director Ryan Coogler is. I would be lying if I said I didn't get the chills at some key moments. Stallone’s performance and Jordan's muscles are good. But there was a dark, honest way for this movie to end, and it went directly against that ending into something more Hollywood. 85. Let the Sunshine In (Claire Denis)- Like Taxi Driver if Travis Bickle just wanted the guy to get him a glass of water afterwards. The film does have that kind of myopic focus--the sexy, ever-candid Binoche is in every scene--but it's far more elliptical, progressing only through character, never through plot. Let the Sunshine In is unique in a way that is different from Denis's other unique works: No one talks like an actual person, and she acts as if you should know all of the characters instead of properly introducing them. It's not supposed to be funny ha-ha, so excuse me if that's what I wanted.

84. Revenge (Coralie Fargeat)-  like the style of this film, the color palette, the synth score, how far it's willing to go with the gore. But if it's called Revenge, and it's clear who the hero is (hint: not the rapist), then the whole thing feels like a fait accompli. We know exactly who's going to be the last woman standing, and we even know the order of the people she's going to kill.

PRETTY GOOD MOVIES 83. The Rider (Chloe Zhao)- This movie is trying to be a poem, but the parts I like the most are prose. It's a promising piece of filmmaking with heartbreaking moments, but I found it most effective when the storytelling spelled things out. It's an all-hands-on-deck independent film, so the amateurism of the piece shines through in the performances from non-professional actors. The relationship between Brady and his autistic sister is interesting because she speaks with that sarcastic cadence that can be learned from only children's programming. It's unlike what we usually see because, you know, she's a non-professional actor and real autistic person. So what do I know? 82. Unfriended: Dark Web (Stephen Susco)- Pretty tight from a storytelling standpoint and definitely grisly enough to get under the skin. But these laptop flicks move with such alacrity that it's hard to believe them whenever they ask you to buy something like love, since they paint it with the broadest strokes imaginable. Not that I would want a two-hour version of this anyway. 81. Juliet, Naked (Jesse Peretz)- Charming enough, arriving at a more realistic place than I expected, Juliet, Naked does nothing to make me revoke my charter membership in the Rose Byrne fan club. What an odd shape this film has though. The inciting incident happens at the hour mark, and it races obligatorily to an ending at an hour, thirty-seven. 80. Ocean’s Eight (Gary Ross)- It sets its marks and hits them adequately, with most of the charm that made the other Ocean movies fun. But there's something lifeless about Ocean's 8, both in the direction and the score. Take, for example, Richard Armitage's bland, sort of lost performance as an old flame/mark. It's such a nothing part that I began to think that it was a thesis: The men are just chess pieces, and they shouldn't take attention away from the women this time. But then James Corden emerges in the last half-hour and shines. So maybe Armitage was just bad and directed poorly? This movie exists for the Movie Star interplay though, and it delivers on that level. Cate Blanchett was good for so long that she's popular, and Sandra Bullock was popular for so long that she's good. Rihanna has to dress like a janitor at one point as a disguise, and she proves how absurd it would be for her to ever blend in. Anne Hathaway is the funniest of the bunch, balancing on a highwire of how big she's supposed to seem. Helena Bonham Carter gets the "and" hammer for all my credit fetishists. 79. Mary Poppins Returns (Rob Marshall)- I saw this on Christmas night with my family. The original Mary Poppins was the first movie my mom ever saw in theaters, and it's probably my wife's favorite. To the extent that insulting it is kind of insulting an important part of who she is. So I couldn't be the guy coming out of the theater like, "The Bankses definitely deserved to lose their house." Between you and me though, it's just fine. Entire sequences could be cut without damaging anything--do we ever come back to the bowl that Meryl Steep is supposed to be mending?--and most of the conflict feels manufactured. These legasequels always end up feeling like boxes being checked. We all know that the guys with the cannon had to come back, right? But some of the numbers are so joyful or stirring that even this grinch snuck a few smiles at his daughter as she pointed to the screen and said, "That's so silly." It's a good movie to see on Christmas night with your whole family. 78. RBG (Betsy West, Julie Cohen)- This movie is designed to make the viewer who would seek it out go, "What an American hero." It does that, I suppose, and there isn't a whole lot wrong with it. Yes, she is a very impressive person. But the film has too much untapped potential and too few teeth to recommend beyond that rubric of achieving its goals. For example, what about half of the population that would sneer at the notion that Ruth Bader Ginsburg is an American hero? Besides the inclusion of some radio clips over the credits, the filmmakers aren't concerned. "Look, she was friends with a conservative!"

77. Searching (Aneesh Shaganty)- Since I've seen thousands of movies that don't take place inside of a computer, there's still some novelty to the handful that do. On one hand, there are four or five twists too many, and the film isn't consistent with its own rules. On the other hand, it gets intriguingly dark for PG-13, and it never stops moving. 76. Uncle Drew (Charles Stone III)- The attitude toward women is retrograde, and to call the plot cookie-cutter would be an understatement. But this works, mostly because of the sunny, natural performances. Kyrie Irving, whose handles are even more of a marvel on a forty-foot screen, has to act through pounds of makeup, but he pulls it off. With only commercials to his name, he has to carry scenes of, like, standing at someone's grave and apologizing, and he has the presence and confidence to do it. I also should mention that Nick Kroll has a nothing-to-lose, galaxy brain performance for which probably zero of the lines were written ahead of time. "Shout-out to Oberto, shout-out to Aleve, the number one pain reliever in the game right now." I have to extend some of the credit here to Charles Stone III, who has made a calling card out of coaxing performances from newcomers. 75. Christopher Robin (Marc Forster)- Cute. 74. Unsane (Steven Soderbergh)- What seems to be a B-movie hitting its marks gets elevated by one fantastic scene that makes it seem timely and vital. I can't help but think Steven Soderbergh is punching below his weigh class though. I'm glad that an experiment like shooting a movie with an iPhone gets him up in the morning, and I know he doesn't want to make another Traffic or Out of Sight. But maybe, here's an idea, audiences might? 73. 22 July (Paul Greengrass)- The first thirty minutes are harrowing, in part because of their disciplined cross-cutting and Anders Danielsen Lie's chilling stoicism. The mistake that Greengrass makes is thinking that, later on, the three strands of story are equal in importance. He cuts away from the court case at its apex to see a kid trying to walk again or a prime minister demanding that his administration get tougher. Some moments are powerful, and Greengrass's composition and editing have mercifully softened, but this becomes a grind at a certain point. 72. Solo: A Star Wars Story (Ron Howard)- I hate to state the obvious, but this feels like multiple movies stitched together because that's exactly what it is. On one hand, we have the foggy opening, featuring an airtight inciting incident and setting up Emilia Clarke as that rarest of things in a Star Wars movie: a character with unclear motivations. But as the film goes on, it reveals why Han doesn't work as a protagonist. (Ehrenreich is bad, but the storytelling sinks the movie more than his performance does.) Everyone else in the movie drips with charisma and comments on the action while Han is left to connect the dots. In other words, the other characters get to be Han Solo, and Han Solo doesn't. By the time we get to the marauders, past the two hour mark of a movie that shouldn't have been more than two hours, the narrative crumbles under its own weight. These movies are way too competent to fail--I can list five or six moments that transcend the flaws--but each of these origin stories has a way of erasing the myth of Star Wars with a pen. 71. Bird Box (Susanne Bier)- This is a genre film that you've seen before in one way or another, so your expectations (and filmgoing experience even?) will dictate what you think of it. There's a metaphorical reading available, but that doesn't make the picture more artful automatically. Trevante Rhodes is a Movie Star. Here's what I can tell you: We need to appreciate John Gavin Malkovich while we can. Delivering the apotheosis of the selfish dickhead survivor character, he a) asks why the group can't stay in the grocery store forever, b) points shotguns at people when they try to let in strangers, c) drinks as he's telling people matter-of-factly that this is the end of the world, and d) (sort of) explains why he is the way he is. And-he-does-it-all-with-the-deliberate-cadence-that-you-are-doing-in-your-HEAD-right-NOW. I'm not saying the guy should win Best Supporting Actor or anything, but I admire his career more than any that would get a Best Supporting Actor.

[sufficientsucker]

Your Friendly Neighborhood Pool Guy cp.2

“I think something life changing just happened.” The woman beside me turns onto her back and faces me.

“If by that you mean we’ve had sex four times today then-” Vanessa looks amazing like this all sex tired and fucked up. Just perfect.

“No, I don’t mean that. I think something somewhere just happened and that the world will never be the same again because of it.” She doesn’t seem all to impressed with this new information and turns onto her side deciding sleep sounds better.

“What time is it anyways?” She sighs into the pillow.

“4:20 pm.” I answer easily.

“How do you do that?” She turns her head to stare at me in wonder.

“It’s a gift.” She hmms and turns back to the pillow. Vanessa is just like that. Content to mind her own business and not think about anything else. She told me once that it really didn’t matter to her what was going on in the world because had had never mattered to the world. The girl is all hard edges and exhausted hope, much like myself, which is why being with her seems so easy and natural. Through all my past relationships I’ve never found someone who just gets it like she does.

“‘What are you thinking about?” She whispers, but doesn’t look at me, pretending like she’ll actually fall asleep.

“You.” I answer honestly.

“What about me?” She’s smiling into the pillow case shyly, like I can’t see it.

“Just about how awesome it must have been to have had shoes as a kid.” She laughs wholeheartedly pulling my arm closer around her and sighing afterward.

“What about you and your underwear?” She makes a face. “I would have loved to have had underwear!” I push my face into her hair and feel a warmth rise unannounced in my chest. It’s suffocating, but not in a bad way, in a fluffy you’re in lo-

“I love you.” It’s a stain on the universe now as I say those few traitorious words. I feel vanessa tense up next to me. Every bone in my body screams at me to pull away and run because shit like this doesn’t end well when your name is Wade Wilson, but my masochistic heart begs me to stay. To breath in the scent of her hair again and build a home there, in her where I feel- safe?

“Wade.” She breaths after what feels like a lifetime, and she turns quickly in my arms and I’m no longer drowning as she takes my face into her hands and stares into my eyes. She kisses me in a way I’ve never been kissed before. It’s needy in a whole new way, and so fucking sweet, nothing like the desperate nights we’d spent together before but it feels so right and good that all thoughts of running fade. “I love you too.” She smiles into the next few kisses and something within me settles into this warm feeling that has my toes curling.

Loving Vanessa is a completely new adventure, a feeling all it’s own. Just a huge whirlwind of sex and fighting and then make up sex, but it us. Before Vanessa there wasn’t anyone who could or would deal with Wade Wilson, even Weasel needs days off but Vanessa keeps coming back for more. I’d do anything for her and so when Christmas swings around like it does every year there’s only one thing I can think of to get her.

She’s lovely in that horrendous Christmas sweater, though I’m sure I can’t look much better myself. Like a spot of bleach within the black filter of my life, ever present with a halo around her. Just as she was always meant to look. And for a moment I believe there’s a god, because that’s the only explanation for her that makes sense. Maybe he did forsake us before but he’s making up for it now. In all the memories we have together now.

“Wade, As Above So Below or Alien vs. Predator?” Vanessa asks.

“Well now that’s a hard how’s about,” I fall to one knee feeling all kinds of- of feelings. “You marry me?” She jumps in surprise of the last part and turn to me leaving the tv on some random channel that’s showing a ad for prostate care. In the silence that follows an older man talks about how his ass started hurting or some shit and if that isn’t the greatest soundtrack to the most stressful moment of your life then what is am I right?

“Your serious?” She asks looking at the ring pop in my hand.

“Huh, yeah? I mean, I don’t usually just drop stuff like this out of nowhere.” There’s tears filling her eyes.

“Of course I’ll marry you.” I breathe out fully for what feels like the first time in a year and feel the grin pull over my lips. She gets up from the couch and collides with me both of us laughing in joy. “We need a picture.” She pushes up and off of me, and I follow behind her knowing her destination and unwilling to be apart from her just yet. The polaroid camera she pulls from the makeshift shelf that’s really just the unfinished wall of the shit apartment we’d found a month ago.

“Okay,” She squeals excitedly, which is something she’s never done before and so as she grabs my face ready to take the picture all I can do is stare at the absolute goddess next to me in awe. Everything in my life suddenly feels- fine, right even. All the shitty stuff I’ve had to deal with doesn’t feel as shit anymore. My heart's fucking a peace for the first time ever. Whatever I did, be it in some past life or this one, to deserve the woman beside me I can’t be happier I did it and that it lead me here.

I take a moment to memorize the moment, nuzzling into Vanessa’s hair I smell the shampoo we both use because it just makes sense. We haven’t taken a shower separately in god knows how long. I sit there for a long time listening to her talk about all the people we’re going to have to tell and when we should do it, how. All the things I never thought I’d have to think about but here we are. I can’t keep the smile off my face as I hold her close. Closer than I’ve ever held anyone. It’s less physical and more mental as I think about how much she really means to me.

She’s defined all odds and somehow gotten the Wade Winston Wilson to want to settle down. I want to start something real with her. A family of our own. Shit that’s scary, but sole it sounds so fucking fantastic. I can imagine it now. Little Wade’s cashing little Nessa’s, how happy we’ll all be.

“What do you think we should do?” She asks me suddenly.

“Hmm?”

“How do you want to get married?” She laughs grabbing my nose and pulling lightly.

“Doesn’t matter to me. Hell we could go down to the court house right now.” Her eyes go wide at the suggestion, a look of disbelief on her face. “Should I not-”

“We can do that?” The wonder in her voice is breathtaking.

“Yeah if you don’t mind not having a real wedding.” I nod.

“Wade, do I look like a girl who needs all that fancy stuff? All I really need is a Groom right?”

“Or another Bride, Ness, don’t go getting homophobic on me.” She swats at my shoulder.

“You’re a dumbass.”

“But I’m your dumbass.” She smiles brightly at that and pushes off me.

“If we’re doing this we need to get dressed now.” It doesn’t take long to get to the courthouse, though it does take some time in line to get to the front where we’re greeted by this grotesques old hag, who really is just darling. Asks Ness a bunch of questions, and can’t help but take glances at me not that I’m not used to getting second looks from older women who miss bring in their prime. (wow that sounded rude, but trust me when I say I am not opposed to a little age gap on either side.) It take a few more long minutes of talking before Ness’s being handed a packet of papers to fill out.

We take them over to the obligatory waiting area and start filling them out. Most of the stuff Ness already knows so she fills it in for me while I sit and people watch. Mostly just a bunch of old people looking to renew some shit of another, a few cocky ass lawyers talking about law things and their wives, or husbands. No one seems bothered by the very real life changing situation I’m in right now, and suddenly I understand what Ness was saying when she said that she’d never mattered to the world. Because here we are changing it while nothing and no one seems to care.

“I should have known life wasn’t going to be this good forever.”

“Did you say something?” Nessa asks.

“Me?” I look at her.

“Yeah?”

“Did I say something?” I ask her.

“Wade are you feeling okay?”

(The next few chapters are going to be from Peter’s point of view just so his timeline can catch up to Wade’s which is in December while Peter’s in September.)

cp.1

cp.3

[pass-the-bechdel]

Marvel Cinematic Universe: Thor (2011)

Does it pass the Bechdel Test?

Yes, three times.

How many female characters (with names and lines) are there?

Three (21.42% of cast).

How many male characters (with names and lines) are there?

Eleven.

Positive Content Rating:

Three.

General Film Quality:

The fun:boring ratio tilts considerably depending on audience mood and/or desire for originality; the majority of the story is generic in the extreme and can be tedious as a result, however those elements which are more unusual and intriguing arguably save the overall product. 

MORE INFO (and potential spoilers) UNDER THE CUT:

Passing the Bechdel:

Darcy asks Jane if she can turn on the radio. Jane tells Darcy to drive into the anomaly. Jane tells Darcy to stop talking about her iPod.

Female characters:

Jane Foster.

Darcy Lewis.

Sif.

Male characters:

Eric Selvig.

Odin.

Loki.

Thor.

Fandral.

Hogun.

Volstagg.

Heimdall.

Laufey.

Phil Coulson.

Clint Barton.

OTHER NOTES:

“But I supported you, Sif.” Good to know that Thor supports non-traditional gender roles, despite being such a macho cliche.

I’m really very concerned by Jane’s driving. Someone revoke her licence. 

“Son of Coul.”

Heimdall does not get enough credit for being the MVP of Asgard. 

Loki’s suggestion that maybe he’ll pay Jane a visit himself is clearly intended to goad Thor into fighting him and as such need not be taken seriously, but it’s still totally uncool. Of all the goading methods he could have used, we really didn’t need to go for the implied rape threat.

I thought they might manage a Bechdel pass between someone other than Jane and Darcy for a moment there at the end of the movie, but Frigga doesn’t actually get referred to by name in this movie, and she and Sif only talk about Thor anyway. Disappoint on both counts. I kinda also thought Jane and Darcy might do some more/better passing in general; it’s better than nothing, but the three passes they got were pretty freakin’ weak.

When it comes to uninspired, generic origin stories, this movie kinda makes Iron Man look like an innovative goldmine by comparison. ‘Arrogant man takes a humble, learns to value his power and earns it back through selflessness’, it’s...been done. A lot. And while Chris Hemsworth’s Thor is watchable and not without charm, he’s not an especially charismatic actor and the predictable arc of his character doesn’t offer much scope to impress, while the typically-excellent Natalie Portman suffers a similarly bland fate with prescription-love-interest Jane Foster. The chemistry between the two is pretty nonexistent, and frankly it’s easier to believe that Jane is a slightly-amoral scientist essentially using Thor for her own gain, rather than buying that she’s becoming genuinely enamoured. If the film had leaned into the idea of Jane Foster: Amoral Scientist a little stronger, they could have built a more interesting (though less comfortable) narrative and perhaps even a more believable romance as the two bond over their shared moral learning curve. But, that would require Jane’s character to be more of a priority beyond finding excuses for her to be in Thor’s presence and develop ~feelings~, so. Not shocked they failed to deliver there.

Pretty much every person who has ever seen this movie (and probably some who’ve only read about it) agrees that Tom Hiddleston’s Loki is where the fire’s at, both as an individual character and in terms of the plot he facilitates and inhabits. It’s not hard to understand why: while Thor has his dull human journey in the desert on Earth (the majority of which is spent just going places and talking to Jane and occasionally having a comedic ‘not from around here’ moment), Loki is a trickster God with magic powers living in the mythological land of Asgard and playing out a long con to win both the throne, and his adoptive father’s approval. Anything about the film that is clever or different or interesting, visually engaging, or emotionally poignant, it’s going on in Asgard, in the part of the plot where Thor is absent for the bulk of the film. Unfortunately, Thor’s absence from that thread means that we don’t get to spend nearly as much time enjoying it, and that’s why even the film’s best qualities can’t necessarily save it from the generic trash-pile. It’s easy to reach the end of the film in frustration, wondering how the Hell the strongest elements of the story (Shakespearean tragedy on alien worlds!) wound up as background noise to an unconvincing snooze-fest romance in Nowheresville, USA.

Broken into its component parts, Loki’s story isn’t that unfamiliar either; ‘jealous younger brother vies for older brother’s birthright’ has been done a fair bit (The Lion King being the most well-known example, let’s not kid ourselves), as has the juxtaposition of entitled brat vs scrappy underdog, as has ‘driven mad by envy’ and ‘power corrupts’ and pretty much any other trope being invoked in Loki’s lane. However, it works through 1. Hiddleston’s dynamic performance, 2. any and all majesty/intrigue/gravitas supplied by the setting, and 3. the additional factor of Loki discovering his adoption and true Frost Giant heritage. While it should not be ignored that Loki’s machinations for the throne predate that revelation and therefore it is neither an influence on his overarching ploy nor an excuse for him devising that ploy, Loki’s struggle with learning that his life as he’s known it was built on falsity and the way that complicates his desire to prove himself provides him some all-important nuance and pathos that gives the audience something to latch onto and identify with, even if only as empathetic understanding (one hopes that no one is going so far as to identify with the attempted genocide or the successful patricide; most of us can identify with betrayal/abandonment/daddy issues to some extent or another). Even if his ultimate decisions are plainly reprehensible, Loki’s journey to that point is littered with appreciable miseries, and that makes it an obvious emotional narrative standout compared to Thor’s paint-by-numbers excursion.

The villain narrative being the highlight of a story isn’t entirely unusual (though films in which this is unintentionally so tend also to be poorly conceived), but what’s really unfortunate is that Thor’s character motivations are not second in complexity to Loki’s; the criminally underused Heimdall is actually the next-most nuanced character around (and look at that, he’s also on Asgard and not bore-ing it up on Earth). The thing about Thor’s arc is that it’s not just predictable, it’s not just generic: it’s also barely there. We perceive the arc because we’re so familiar with the trope, but we don’t actually watch Thor learn anything, we don’t see practical signs of the degradation of his arrogance and his transformation into a wise warrior who understands restraint. Beyond causing a ruckus when he first arrives on Earth, Thor really doesn’t display any aggressive entitlement, he settles into pleasantly-strange-fish-out-of-water mode pretty much immediately, and he seems to ‘learn his lesson’ spontaneously after being told that his father is dead. He appears to mourn the implications of his inability to lift Mjolnir more than he is bothered by being told of Odin’s demise and that he can never go home; those latter revelations instead trigger his instantaneous reformation (insofar as he says the words “my father was trying to teach me something only I was too stupid to see it”) and that’s it. Confronting the destroyer and being ‘killed’ by it prompts the return of his Godhood, but refusing to shrink from a fight isn’t a change of pace for the character we saw at the beginning of the film; all in all, there’s no actual clear-cut learning in this process, there’s just a complication-free acceptance of his apparent new state of being, and that means he’s worthy of kingship now? Were they too afraid of making him dislikeable by playing out an excess of arrogance on Earth, so they softened him up immediately and in doing so, downgraded his character arc to just the concept of one rather than an actual presence? If there were more of a distinct process to his experiences on Earth, they’d be less damn boring, because we’d be following an actual story instead of just waiting for them to hit each predictable beat, and maybe they’d also generate some real characterisation of any of the Earth characters while they’re at it (instead, we have completely-useless-to-the-plot-comic-relief Darcy, and surrogate-dad-exposition-master Selvig, comprising the whole of Jane’s illustrious company). Thor’s clutch of friends back home may be a one-dimensional quartet defined almost entirely by their most obvious single descriptors (the female, the Asian, the fat guy, and...Sir Didymus), but at least they have a clear trajectory of plot-relevant motivation, even if they do become inconsequential by the end of it. Yeah, this isn’t a very good movie.

I said at the top that audience mood may be a deciding factor in the success or failure of the film, and I mean that in the sense that this is a movie that may prompt vastly different responses in the same person over different viewings; speaking for myself, I have watched it and been basically entertained and appreciative of the visuals and at least some of the characters and story elements, but I’ve also watched it and been overwhelmingly bored by the trite predictability and the flat characterisation of most of the players, and unimpressed by the soft-focus CGI of Asgard. Caught in the right mood, Thor’s inexplicable laid-back Earth persona can hit just the right note for casual comfort viewing. Caught in the wrong mood, Loki’s Asgard shenanigans feel over-hyped and not engaging enough to save the movie. Is Jane too bland, or full of shades of untapped character potential? Is Darcy funny, or painfully annoying? Is Heimdall intriguing, or too nebulous to matter? It all comes off very conditional, little of it anchored solidly or fleshed out strongly enough in-text to be considered an absolute. The plot floats, dependent on the aura of various cliches rather than categorically declaring itself in any unequivocal ways. It’s not particularly messy, so at least it has that going for it, but even that is a conditional statement. The film is rarely subtle enough to develop any depth, and the shallow invocations of the idea of a narrative arc lack the conviction necessary to make simplicity a virtue. The end result? I guess the best word for it is ‘forgettable’. 

[attract-mode-collective]

Scorpion Vs. Elon Musk’s Mom: FIGHT

Yes, that is indeed Elon Musk’s mother up there. And no, I do not have a bigger sized version of the pic. Guess we could always ask captain-price-official if one does exist.

Or perhaps make your own? Here’s Elon’s mum by herself (and in higher res)...

And with that, it’s time to see what else I tweeted during the first half of March! So, sticking with fighting games: which Street Fighter character does lighting better? Ryu, via the animated movie (via settei)...

… Or Bison, via the live action flick (via toghomevideo)...

I absolutely love win quotes from rom hacks (via bison2winquote)...

I have a massive backlog of games, yet Tekken 7 just shot straight to the top of the list, thanks to the knowledge that you can accurately recreate Dynamite Headdy characters (via mysterious0bob)...

This Hatsune Miku X Space Channel 5 figure is v. nice (via nendoroidoftheday)...

A friendly reminder to everyone that A. I'm a massive fan of Seaman & B. my birthday is about a month away (via nutastic)...

This scene at the beach with a Figma of Link, from A Link Between Worlds, feels more like Link's Awakening than anything else (via vyntic)...

Toys and models are no longer just for reenacting memorable in-game moments, they can also reproduce famous IRL events that surrounded the games themselves (via 8bitcentral)...

So what's the going rate for ET for the Atari 2600 that was supposedly dug up in for that so-called documentary, Atari: Game Over? Which I recently re-watched and still can't believe people think is real. At any rate, am assuming the autograph from Howard Scott Warshaw gives it some actual value (via it8bit)...

And what's the going rate for Chinese Famiclone karaoke carts, primarily one with Jackie Chan on the label. Am also wondering if it's cuz his songs are included... you are aware of his successful career in music as well, right? (via ulan-bator)...

Been struggling to come up with a zinger for the past 10 minutes, but ain't nuthin gonna beat "Welcome to the Velvet Room y'all!" (via jatayu)...

To be filed under: it's funny cuz it's true (via doctorbutler)...

So the weather has been awful around these parts, lots of rain & snow, which gets in the way of imagining a giant tetromino in the sky (via uvula.jp)...

When playing Super Mario Galaxy 2, please keep in mind that somewhere out there, despite being out of view, is the ghost of Luigi floating through vast stretches of empty space, with zero destination or purpose (via suppermariobroth)...

Speaking of Luigi, and Supper Mario Broth; they’ve taken the adventures he talks about in Paper Mario: The Thousand Year Door and illustrated them in the form of a comic that closely adheres to the style of the game...

Also a friendly reminder of that rift between Mario & Luigi for a few years (they'd eventually make up & resume doing games together, as everyone knows) after Mario discovered his brother being all friendly with the enemy in Super Mario World (via peazy86)...

Yet another obscure Mario factoid: the move he uses to defeat Bowser in Super Mario 64 originates from an old furikake commercial that predates the game by about a decade (via suppermariobroth)...

Yet another random gif of Mario from the 80s, this one from a video guide from Super Mario Bros; I miss the days in which his look was not yet standardized (via suppermariobroth)...

And here we have a completely unlicensed Dr. Mario, unless Nintendo gave him the OK to brush up on his doctoring skills by assuming an alias at a family clinic in Houston TX (via suppermariobroth)...

It's funny how, when it comes to obscure Mario games, everyone brings up Mario Is Missing or Hotel Mario, but what about Super Mario Bros. & Friends: When I Grow Up? (via kazucrash)...

Mario gets his own breakfast cereal.

Luigi? Booze. (via @carolynmichelle)

A question that I posed on MAR10Day (via retrogamerblog)...

It's not Super Mario Bros, but simply…. Bros (via therubberfruit)...

I've never wanted something "bootleg" to be official as much as as this Dark Souls fan art. And if the actual game somehow looked like this, that would be... gladly welcomed (via gamefreaksnz)

Oh God, Nier is amazing and all, but I would SO be down for a yelling & screaming match with Yoko Taro on this point (via @Avisch_)...

Behold my fave Twitter thread in recent memory: "You see, that was taken from Africa, but it belonged to the Keyblade Masters. Imma take it off your hands for ya."

"Nah, It was taken by British soldiers in Africa but it's actually from Gaia. A sword far heavier than any sword has rights to be, yet a true 1st Class will wield it with ease. Don't trip, I'm gonna take it off your hands for you."

"Nah, It was taken by British soldiers in Africa but it's actually from Hyrule. Originally crafted by the goddess Hylia herself. Only a true hero that is pure of heart and strong of body is capable of wielding the sacred blade. Don't trip, I'm gonna take it off your hands for you."

Naturally the star of Home Alone 1 & Home Alone 2 has both a NES Classic and Famicom Mini, like all Hollywood bigwigs (via @SimonParkin)...

While discussing Ready Player One with a colleague, was reminded of the dude who was so inspired by the book that he turned his apartment into an arcade (and then his fiancé broke up with him; via nydailynews.com)...

Recently there was some kind of event at Sega HQ, I think? Details are basically nonexistent due to the language barrier, but far as I can gather, 16 super fans were invited to come by & party (via @SEGA_OFFICIAL)...

... If you check out #セガ公式アカウントオフ会 you'll see numerous pics from the get-together, though the one thing that stands out is the assortment of Sega hardware (via @KK__Cy)...

... MIA, cuz no variants were on display, is my fave alt ver. of the Mega Drive: the Wondermega. But @yu100s took one of his own… with the ugly ass US Sonic 1 NOT FOR RESALE cart inserted, Jesus fucking Christ...

The Sega logo in katakana looks pretty hawt (via @Exciteless)...

... Yet the Sega logo in Arabic which is official, is even hawter (via boingboing.net)...

Please enjoy your daily recommended dosage of an erotic hospital-management sim (via @topherflorence)...

NCSX makes the fidget spinner comparison, though the fidget cube seems a bit more appropriate; behold the fidget game controller...

Toy Fair recently took place, and naturally I took tons of pictures. You can find all of them on my personal Instagram, though a few are worth re-posting here. Like the latest in NECA's line of classic movie characters, as they appeared in video game adaptations...

Though in the case of their take on the Alien vs. Predator arcade game, they even included Capcom's original characters...

Unpainted, pre-production figures from Reflection's upcoming Ghost 'N Goblins line, sporting the oh-so popular Kenner-eqsue retro look...

Pint-sized arcade cabs, available this fall for $400. They’ll come unassembled, though dead simple to put together; the construction of the assembled mini cab was surprisingly sturdy, plus the screen wasn't bad (contrary to the picture that my iPhone's camera paints). Though the controls were shit; no word on whether the parts can be swapped or not...

Was delighted to not not only see Cuphead merch at Toy Fair, but more than just one instance (though this was the only time I was allowed to take a picture)...

Came across a producer of infant goods that had a selection of Super Mario baby bibs...

I asked the rep if this was their first foray into video games and the answer was "Yes." And when asked who's been mostly buying them, was told "Video game collectors, who don't even have children… it's so bizarre!!!"

Sticking with bibs, here's a set that tied to Dragon Quest (via miki800.com)...

... I asked on Twitter what they said and @alexfkraus was kind enough to provide translations, here and here.

Was so inspired by @MinusWorld listing which characters he'd like to see in the next Super Smash Bros that I decided to cite a few of my own:

- Mona from WarioWare - Nester from Nintendo Power’s Howard & Nester comics - Link from that Japanese A Link To The Past commercial - A deck of Hanafuda cards

... BTW, had no idea Ollie also mentioned a Hanafuda; I only saw his initial four, initially! Anyhow, my second round of choices:

- Ashley from Another Code - The "who are you running from?" guy in the Game Boy Camera - Lucas from The Wizard - The 4WD from Stunt Race FX (since Fighters Megamix with the Daytona USA 2 car clearly ain't ever happening)

I alas forgot to include BoxBoy, much like how I got these Uniqlo shirts when they were on sale last year (via minusworld.co.uk)...

Here we have my fave reaction on Tumblr to the Nintendo Direct with the Smash 5 reveal, if only for the punchline (via mendelpalace)...

And here we have my fave reaction on Twitter (via @redford)...

This one is also great because wrestling (via @SteveYurko)...

Speaking of wrestling, remember that time Tazz, while commentating for Smackdown, was also playing a game of Final Fantasy X-2… or so he thought? (via defjamvendetta)

"hey quick question whoever's developing the wwe games now: what the fuck"

"It helps him eat small fish"

"better question: why isn't this an option in every game ever"

"FAIR POINT" (via snoozlebee)

Whereas most publishers in Japan, during the 80s & 90s, had festivals (or carnivals) centered around shmups, Asmik's was based on women's wrestling (via oldgamemags)...

It's not for a video game, though the illustration is by someone who has been involved in a few; it's by Satoshi Yoshioka, of Snatcher and Policenauts fame (via videogamesdensetsu)...

It's not for a video game that actually exists, but is instead a completely fictional instructional manual, one that makes you wish it was real (via tomeccles)...

Just when you think you've seen every ultra, wacky & obscure video game box art there is to see out there (via @CoolBoxArt)...

I have a serious soft sport for the usage of video game imagery among early 80s musicians (via siryl)...

... What the final product looks like BTW/FYI...

A. so there's a VR version of Fruit Ninja, did not know that, & B. if you like watching people play it (for whatever reason), yet wish you could actually see a person swinging a sword and not just some abstract swiping motions… here ya go (via prostheticknowledge)...

Playing games in VR is so 2017… Handling your collection of games in VR? Now THAT is very 2018 (via mendelpalace)...

Lots of friends are playing the new DBZ fighting game, though I'll give it a shot once it hits the arcades and is also in a cab like this (via @Fotosdecomics)...

I absolutely need to get my hands on this S.H. Figuarts Shinya Arino (via tinycartridge)...

Available right now, some Altered Beast, Bare Knuckles, and Rent-a-Hero resin kits (via miki800.com)...

Cursed? More like blessed amirite (via @Pretzel_Pup)...

I know Yoji Shinkawa is best buds with Hideo Kojima, but would he be open to doing another gig at Konami? Cuz him art directing a reboot of Twin Bee would kinda be the best (via @SESKOU)...

There's money on the table with this Metroid X Pepsi mash-up, am confident of this (via ryangilleece)...

Cuz even someone like Samus Aran needs a good stretch every once in a while (via jon-bliss)...

And this third piece of Metroid fan art in a row is very much related to Metroid 3, aka Super Metroid (even though it technically depicts the ending to Metroid 2; via mmillus)...

Awakening indeed (via brookietf)...

For those who have asked, yes, I have seen the hack that connects the Switch to an itty-bitty black & white TV...

Though I'm only really interested in tiny b&w CRT TVs if I can play Duck Hunt on them (via arcade-crusade)...

I not only dig teeny-tiny displays for light gun games, but also for driving games as well (perhaps some of you might remember the following from this)...

Back to tube displays; seeing Zelda on a CRT also reminded me of how Dark Souls look on a CRT, aka CRT Souls or 480i Souls (which again I'm hoping regular readers of the blog remember, especially since the original post has fallen victim to a Tumblr bug)...

"while playing king's field just now i died in the magic cave of fire and when i warped back there were beautiful graphical glitches everywhere" (via mendelpalace)...

Some landscapes, filled with beauty and mystery and terror, are accidental (see: the graphical glitches from before)… whereas others are completely deliberate, as in the case of Atlantia (via obscurevideogames)...

Once again, I REALLY need to figure out a way to play some PC88 games (via obscurevideogames)...

Here we have a semi-common Space Invaders sighting for the time, in an episode of Battle Fever J, one of the earliest Super Sentai shows (via himitsusentaiblog)...

And here we have a rare Game Gear sighting, in old OVA anime, Starship Girl Yamamoto Yohko. Hell, it’s a rare Game Gear in anything sighting; the only other example that comes to mind is Rumble In The Bronx (via @TheOtaking)...

And an equally rare Sonic on the runway sighting (via kotaku.com)...

I normally watch a video in its entirety before making a recommendation. Yet when it came to this overview of Last Bronx's legacy in Japan (and lack thereof in the West), hearing the main theme to Beat Takeshi's Violent Cop near the 3 min mark was all I needed (have since watched the whole thing, and as expected, it's another awesome Kim Justice production)...

And finally, a friend notes: "subzero's right arm is real close to trump's spinal column

just sayin" (via @jbillinson)...

[alwayssunnyprompts]

Can you write a fic, or short story, or oneshot, or anything like that about a sick scenario? Like, Dennis being sick and Mac taking care of him? Or the other way around. Sick or anything with like vulnerability? (Also the way you describe sounds in your work is great I love it a lot so maybe stuff like that?) if you don't want to that's totally okay I understand. Thank you! xo

Thank you so much! This is one of my favorite asks I’ve gotten and I loved writing it! Set while Mac and Dennis are still living together, maybe around season 5. Enjoy some very sick Mac and very caring Dennis!

Dennis glances at the clock for the third time in half an hour. Mac should have been back 15 minutes ago.

Not that he’s counting.  

Outside is the worst blizzard that’s hit Phillyin a while. There’s almost a foot on the ground already, double what there’d been a couple hours earlier when he’d sent Mac to buy movie night provisions. 

Mac finally trudges home at 8:30 pm, bursting in with a groan, shivering and covered in melting snow. He tosses the grocery bags haphazardly onto the kitchen counter and plops down on the couch next to Dennis. He’s breathing heavily, his head resting on the back of the couch andhis eyes shut. Dennis can see the redness of windburn on the tip of his nose and his cheeks. 

“Hey, bud,” Dennis says cautiously. 

“Bro, that place was insane. I forgot people got nuts when the weather gets bad. Everybody was running around like it’s the end of the world. Some shelves were just totally empty. Ugh, it was a mess,” he coughs a little, “come on, let’s just watch some movies." 

Dennis smiles, clapping Mac on the shoulder. 

"Sure, pal." 

Four hours later, they’re still going strong. Well, Dennis is. Mac’s spent the last 10 minutes nodding off, forcing himself awake. They’re finishing up Alien vs. Predator when he decides that he’s done for the night. 

"Dennis, I’m exhausted. I need to go to sleep, bro.”

“C'mon, man. What kind of lame excuse is that? Just one more!” Dennis rolls his eyes. 

“I’m serious, Dennis. I feel weird. My joints are super stiff and I can’t breathe very good. I think I might be coming down with something." 

"Well, then stay the hell away from me, dude. I’m not letting you get me sick. One sneeze and you’re on your own. Understand?” Does he really mean that? Probably not. However, the idea of getting sick is not only time-consuming and disgusting, it’s uncomfortable and stressful and he wants nothing to do with it. 

He looks back at Mac, who sways a little, seeming unfazed by Dennis’s remarks. 

“I–I have to go lay down,” he mutters,“I’ll see you later, Den." 

He starts to walk to his room and loses his balance, leaning on the arm of the couch for support. Dennis is at his side ina second, all previous thoughts of abandonment and quarantine forgotten. He rests a hand on the small of Mac’s back. 

"Hey, you good?" 

Mac looks pale, but more alert. 

"Yeah, yeah. Sorry, dude. I must have tripped." 

Dennis doesn’t have to look at the empty living room to know he didn’t trip on a damn thing. 

"Okay. Well, how about I help you so youdon’t trip again. How does that sound?”

A blush colors Mac’s cheeks and he nods, leaning into Dennis’s side. He grabs around Mac’s waist and leads him to the bed. 

“Do you want to change?” He’s still fully clothed, winter jacket and all.

 He looks down at himself, considering the outfit. 

“Yeah, I probably should, huh?" 

Dennis sighs, and grabs Mac some pajamas from his dresser. He grabs his robe too, partially because he might get cold, but also because he likes seeing Mac wear it. 

"Here. Do you need…help?”

Mac grabs the clothes from his hands.

“No, dude! I can do it myself." 

Dennis can hear the congestion in his chest, and see his legs quivering under the pressure of standing. He rolls his eyes. 

"Okay, fine, asshole. I’ll be right here if you need me, though." 

Watch Mac struggle to the bathroom is as hilarious as it is pathetic. He finally makes it, swinging the door almost-shut behind him. Dennis hears him breathing heavily, and grunting as he takes off his layers of clothes. A full 20 minutes pass before Mac emerges, sweaty and exhausted. He drops his street clothes in a rumpled pile on the floor and collapses onto the bed. 

"Ughh, Dennis, I think I’m dying.” He groans, rolling over to sprawl out. Dennis can tell he’s getting worse. His nose sounds clogged and gross, and his chest is making crackling noises if hetakes too deep of a breath. He groans, burying his face in a pillow. 

“Dennis?" 

"What is it?”

“I think I might get a migraine. I feel that pressure you asked me to watch out for.”

Dennis feels a pang of anxiety. Ever since Mac had crashed Dee’s car trying to fake his and Charlie’s deaths, he’d been getting debilitating migraines. They weren’t frequent, but a few times a year he’d be totally out of commission. The rest of the gang didn’t know about it. He’d been doing so well, too—it had been more than six months since his last one. Dennis doesn’t think they have any medicine left in the apartment. 

“Okay, we’ll deal with this,” he liftsMac’s quilt and motions for him to get under, “come on, you should get as comfortable as you can.”

Mac scoots slowly under the covers, grabbing one of his pillows and holding it against his chest. 

“Dennis, what are we gonna do? I’ve never had the flu and a migraine at the same time. How does that even happen? Jesus Christ, this is bad, dude.” He grips the pillow tighter. 

“Hey,” Dennis lays down on his side, so he’s face-to-face with Mac. He reaches over and ruffles his hair gently, “we can deal with this. It’ll be okay. We’ve done this before. Right?”

Mac nods. “Yeah." 

"Do you want the hot or cold pack?" 

"Not yet.”

“Alright. Try and get some sleep, okay?You’ll need it. I’m gonna go look for some meds and food for when you wake up. Call me if you need anything." 

Mac nods.

"Okay…thanks Dennis.”

Dennis leaves the door open just a crack, enough that he’ll be able to hear if something happens or Mac yells for him. 

Aside from his own meds, their cabinets are virtually empty. They have a few cough drops, some ice packs, Band-Aids, Mac’s hot pack, but not a single painkiller to speak of. Dennis drags a hand over his face. He thought they were better than this. At the very least Mac’s overprotective nature should mean there’s at least a Tylenol or two somewherein the house. But he’s not seeing anything. He glances out the window, the piles of snow illuminated by the street lights. There must be a couple feet at least, and it’s still coming down. The roads are covered now too. Neither of them are getting out of the house anytime soon. 

He goes to the kitchen and pours a glass of water, and searches the pantry. He takes out some tea bags, honey, and a few cans of soup (the shitty chicken noodle that Mac loves so much) that they keep on hand for situations like this. He sets it on the counter and goes to lay on the couch. He lets his eyes close for a little while.

When he opens them again, his mouth feels like cotton and his back is aching.

“Jesus,” he mutters, stretching.

The clock in the kitchen reads 3:45. He’d slept longer than he’d planned to. He stands up and gets a glass of water, and then shuffles over to check on Mac, peeking into his room silently.

Mac is curled in the fetal position. He’s shivering, his hands resting limp on the blankets in front of him. Dennis sits down on the edge of the bed as quietly as he can, reaching over to brush sweaty strands of hair from his face. The darkness under his eyes looks reddish and bruised, and he’s burning up. Dennis’s fingers brush against his forehead and he shudders at the touch, unconsciously moving closer. He whimpers softly, shifting with discomfort.

“Mac?” Dennis tests the waters. He really doesn’t want to have to wake him up, but if something else is wrong, he needs to know. “Mac?”

Mac moans, his eyelids fluttering as he looks up at Dennis as best he can. His eyes are dazed as hell.  

“Den?” He sounds absolutely awful. His voice is rough and quiet, like even talking takes a tremendous amount of energy. Guilt settles like a stone in Dennis’s chest.

“Hey, asshole,” he whispers affectionately, trying to push past his discomfort and worry to smile reassuringly, “how are you feeling?" 

He keeps his hand gently stroking Mac’s hair, pausing for a few seconds to rest it against his forehead again, and his cheek, feeling the heat radiating off his skin. Mac still looks zoned, taking time to process the answer. A weird expression is spreading across his face. But, to Dennis’ surprise, he simply sniffs in response. At first, he thinks it’s just because of the virus, then he takes a quick breath in, sniffling again. In a few seconds, he’s gasping and sniffling and… goddamnit. Tears start to fall, dropping over where Dennis is still cupping his face. 

"Ah, shit,” Dennis says under his breath, moving to brush the tears away as they fall, “shh, no… hey, it’s okay, sweetheart. I’m here. Tell me what’s wrong." 

The words slip out so naturally that he doesn’t realize what he’s saying until he’s said it. If Mac hears the term of endearment he shows no sign of it. His breath hitches and gives way to a wet sob and he brings his hands up to cover his face. The shaking returns. He presses his body against Dennis, his head putting pressure on Dennis’ thigh. The sobbing alone is broken and pathetic, but on top of it, his lungs sound like shit, mucus-filled and wheezing with every breath. 

Despite himself, Dennis finds his own throat tightening and his eyes misting over at the strangled, congested sounds. Mac doesn’t cry often, and when he does it’s never this random and uncontrolled. It’s usually soft and stifled after a nightmare, or a few tears escaping if it’s been a particularly hard day for them. But this is different. 

Dennis can see angry red blotches forming on Mac’s cheeks as he rubs at his eyes violently, his breathing starting to sound erratic. Dennis swallows his welling emotions. 

"Mac,” he takes his face in both hands, “look at me." 

Mac rubs at his eyes one last time before lowering his hands. Tears are still flowing steadily, and Dennis can see that tiny blood vessels have burst under his right eye. The rest of his face is pinched and pale as he continues crying. 

"Is it your head? Or something else?”

Mac nods. 

“Both?”

Another nod, quicker this time. 

“Okay. Come here.” He opens his arms, gesturing. Mac slowly crawls onto his lap, burying his face in Dennis’s shirt. He’s hot as a goddamn space heater and he’s heavy as shit. Dennis can feel his legs aching under the weight of a full-grown man lying on top of him, but he sure as hell isn’t going to say anything about it. 

He can feel Mac blinking against the crook of his neck, his breath hot and fast against Dennis’ collarbone. He wishes they had something he could give him. Even just ibuprofen or some shit that did enough to dull the pain that he could calm down and get a couple hours of uninterrupted sleep. 

He runs a hand up and down Mac’s back, pausing togently rub the nape his neck and then reaching with both to stroke his temples. Mac immediately recoils from the touch. 

“It hurts,” he chokes out. 

"Mac, don’t be–” he pauses, takes a deep breath, “I know. But, it’ll make your head feel better, I promise. If it doesn’t, I’ll stop right away. Okay?" 

"Okay.”

He pushes himself into a better position and places his hands back on Mac’s temples, massaging so lightly he’s sure that it isn’t helping anything. Mac gasps at the pressure, his eyes starting to well up again. He works with a little more purpose, and Mac closes his eyes, tries to breathe around the gunk in his lungs. His chest is heaving with exertion.

“Dennis, do you hate me?” His voice is so quiet. 

“Where did that come from? Wh–Mac, that’s…” he sighs, “that’s ridiculous. Of course I don’t hate you.”

He knows it’s just the pain and the fever talking, but it’s more than that. There’s genuine sadness behind the delirium. His heart pounds as he holds Mac’s head with the gentleness he’s reserved only for him, wishing he could transplant his feelings directly into Mac so that he’d be able to understand. He presses his cheek against the top of his head. 

After a few minutes, Mac sags against him. Dennis carefully lifts his hands and pulls him closer, holding him as his eyelids droop. He murmurs something unintelligible, head nodding against his chest. 

“What’d you say, buddy?” He asks softly.

“I love you,” his words slur together like he’s drunk. 

Dennis’s heart swells, and he feels a hot blush color cheeks. He chuckles.

“Of course you do. Close your eyes try to go back to sleep. I’ll be right here." 

[petty-crush]

An open letter/retort to the “honest trailer” for “Alien Covenant”

Of course people can disagree and of course this is a sarcastic video. But since this contains a lot of knee jerk, being negative for views comments, (and because people may get fooled by just watching this video)I think this is a good place to dissect frogs.

My bias; I think “Covenant” is a truly great film. Spectacular in ideas, behaviors, visuals, and pure fun. I loved it. I am clearly willing to die on a hill for it

The main gap is that it’s really a different series, under the mask of the “Alien” series. It actually veers closer to the 1932 film “Island of lost Souls”. Ship of survivors representing normal veer into uncharted territory; a mad scientist bending the rules of biology encounters and clashes with them; the monsters he creates go to war with the ship. And in this film evil wins.

It also contains genuinely great performance(s) from Fassbender, grand sketches of gods wrecking the cosmos, humanity abandoning its children to go after unanswerable questions, and more that harken back to Mary Shelley’s “Frankenstein” sandbox of sci fi.

To me, this film is all about David. The humans are cannon fodder for them. Which justifies their characterization. Also, he’s clearly a stand in for Ridley Scott and the work + wonder of being an artist, film director in particular.

I love this. I can see others liking it less, but is beautifully realized, staged, and executed.

So what are people looking for? Well…

[quotes around their words, mine by themselves]

“From Ridley Scott, one of the best directors… And one of the worst”

-first off, I think an artist is judged by their best work, not overall average

Scott can be quite varied. I personally favor going to cosmos than staying in your lane. Sometimes that make mistakes, but interesting ones.

Make no mistake though: “The Counselor” is a first rate film, acidic in the extreme, but so totally gonzo that it makes you breathe a different air. It’s the kissing cousin to “Covenant”, and both show a director willing to try new ideas and tones, and pulls it off spectacularly. Both have no interest in making the viewer feel good or flatter them, which definitely pushes some people away

“There are now more bad alien films than good ones”

-first off, where is “Prometheus”? Isn’t it an alien film? If not, and “covenant” is clearly a sequel to it, then maybe this film should be judged apart from the Ripley saga.

-I have wondered at times if calling it “Prometheus: Covenant” would have cut down on the confusion

-“Alien 3” is a spectacular film. It fully commits to the idea of Ripley having courage and purpose to her life as she knows she will die. It is completely different to “Aliens”(which may have been its problem concerning reception,as we will see) and “Alien”, it forms a perfect trilogy. Fincher may hate how fucked he got by the system, but it is a beautiful and wonderful film

“Alien resurrection” less so. But it is an odd, French splatter cartoon; certainly worth watching, not at all bad.

The “vs predator” films are largely minor, and I have no qualms with considering them less successful films.

-What makes the alien series great is that with each film the xenomorph changes to be what the film needs it to be. It’s flexibility storytelling wise is impressive. The problem comes when a audience only wants one type of story done

“When Ridley Scott wanted to talk about the meaning of life, he wanked for two hours”

-“Prometheus” has nothing to do with life, and everything to do with death. The characters in the film want to know about life (particularly Shaw since she can’t give birth) but they are punished at every turn, showing the universe to be uncaring.

Disagree with that statement or not, that is the rule that “Prometheus” and “Covenant” is abiding by.

Hell the first shot of “Prometheus” is an engineer killing himself. “Covenant” starts with life and realizing how the creator will die. There is consistency in this film universe.

And it also totally vibes with “Alien”.

“Save the philosophical stuff for ‘Blade Runner’, I want a short haired girl, in a tank top, fighting a xenomorph, who kills it by sucking it into the vacuum of space”

-and now we come to the real discussion/thorn in the side; this film isn’t a damn thing like “Aliens”

One thing that makes the alien series so fascinating is how it allowed two totally different filmmakers to make their masterpiece.

Also, it’s the rare series where the sequel brought in a bigger and wider audience.

I bet money that most people really only like “Aliens”. And that’s no shame, it’s a brilliant film. It’s strengths are the set pieces, the use of xenomorph as locusts, and characters that are simple but snappy and endearing.

In comparison to “Alien” which is cold, weird and slow moving (and brilliant) “Aliens” charm is more warm and dynamic. It doesn’t ask you to wait, it asks you to hold on. It gets kids in the door with Newt, it sets up a deep chord with Ripley giving her mother like affection , and it also makes Ripley more feminine and kick ass (she was wonderfully butch and joyfully selfish in “Alien”)

Cameron said it best in his critique of “Covenant”; “ I don’t like films where you invest in a character and they get destroyed at the end.”

Some people share that opinion. Ridley Scott does not. (Nether do I)His films generally have had the protagonist go through hell and often destroyed them. I admire that in him.

But that point of view explains why “Aliens” is so successful; it makes us love the characters and be sad when their friends die. Cameron is a genius, and is warm with his characters. Scott is also a genius, and picks their wings off like a cruel child.

Every alien film post “Aliens” has had to bear that cross, of creating such lovable stock characters. “Alien 3” didn’t give a shit, and made a impressive gathering of detached male prisoners. “Resurrection” came close with goofy space pirates, but were weird as shit.

In my opinion, if “Alien” came out after “Aliens” it would have not been as warmly received, because, got damn, is it cold and weird and hurts its people. It’s suppose to. The reaction to “Prometheus” and “Covenant” shows that all too clear.

Finally, Scott clearly does not give a shit about any alien film after his. I don’t think the Prometheus saga will show the queen alien because it came after Scott and he considers it invalid.

With this in mind, I can see how people are upset. Cold, hateful, sadistic are what “Covenant” are. And I love it for that.

I love mean films with a purpose and artistic flourish. And the Prometheus saga does it so well.

If you came to “Covenant” to root for its human characters, you are fucked (and kinda an idiot). Scott is making big budget sci fi epics about the mass murder of nature and survival of artists.

You can hate that, but call a spade a spade.

“In a franchise full of unforgettable characters”

(Shows only “Aliens” characters)

What about Dallas? Ash? Clemens? Golic? Call? Elgyn? Gediman?

There exists good characters other than the second film, guys

Once again, this love for “Aliens” blinds people to everything else

“Forget the humans”

Duhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh

-but also, that slipping on blood part was (intentionally) hilarious

“Freshman philosophy class…two versions of same pretentious professor..flute”

-why do I get the feelings that the people who say stuff like this never study philosophy and just consider anything even slightest bit about talking about feelings and ideas just stoner shit, because they are the only people that talk about those subjects they let in their social circle?

I dunno, the idea about humanity killing its children for vague reasons, someone trying to better himself against cruelty and going mad himself, and finally having the courage to create something even when everyone else tells him to stand down sounds pretty universally relatable and human to me.

And even if it was pretentious, that is what art is, to subtract the distractions, and focus on what you want the world to be

-to me, David is sad Walter cannot create, like Scott is upset younger directors don’t get to make original universes and material. But David is also a fucking maniac who will stop at nothing, to whom other lives means nothing. That kind of grand vainness is perfectly at home in the world and its what art leisure to create out of whole cloth

But all of this gets in the way of watching strong men blow things away with guns, doesn’t it? (“aliens” did this to show how ineffective the marines were, not to worship them)

-the flute adds to the fantasy element, of the pied piper trying to lure others away, to their doom

Plus, it’s just fucking funny

“Snickers at 'I’ll take care of the fingering’”

See? This film is just so much fun

“I was not expecting this much flute playing”

I love it when films surprise me. I adore it when filmmakers follow their strange urges and give us scenes I never saw coming.

I love the scene of David tempting Walter with the flute.

I marveled at the scene where David drops his black plague on the engineers(who look totally different).

I looked around as David played the fucking theme to “Prometheus” on his flute. I starred at the other audience members, as if to ask “is this the real life?”

I laughed uproariously as just when you think it’s safe the xenomorph tracks the two pilots shower sexing, like it’s 1982 slasher time.

As soon as the humans delver us to David, I could see who this film was about. And really, the humans are just for showing his gentle and different Walter is.

Ridley Scott delivered a new horror classic, with a eye towards the 70’s and 30’s, but both feet in the present, with the score and design to make it work.

The first victim convulsing and back blood shooting. David acting as satan. Terror of trapped in the sick bay. The aforementioned shower scene. The cross bearing xenomorph rejects. The puppet master pulling the strings of the first post face hugger.

This is a brilliantly conceived, written, directed, and persevered treat for horror fans. I loved every second of it.

“Thrill of seeing the xenomorph move. In full daylight. Which just looks…wrong”

This is the best point of the video, though I disagree with the conclusion.

It is weird and against the vibe of the Ripley saga for the xenomorph to be a servant. But clearly these creatures are the hounds to mr burns. Satan. Evil mad dr Moreau.

It definitely gave the the film a totally new vibe. As did all the green life. But isn’t that what films are about, showing new images?

It just looks so damn different. I like different. Different and great-even better.

“Cgi Ripley?”

That would be pretty weird. But since I more or less wash my hands of any continuity, why not?

It’s probably just a spur of the moment statement. But also incredibly funny

“It asks [x] questions but leaves you wondering [y]”

Mac, the real question is, do you like to create? That’s all this film is about. The joy of creation. Of weaving something new out of something old.

Like, Ridley is literally exploiting his own creation. It’s surreal and the best.

“Compares terminator series to Alien series”

This is more apt, but in a different way.

For both series, The first film is a stand alone classic. A low key masterpiece. The second is an expansive blockbuster which really really skewed expectations for future films.

The comparison ends there though. Sigourney Weaver has way way more character to work with. Poor Schwarzenegger had so so directors to work with, while the Alien series put down the work of real filmmakers making challenging art.

I enjoy the terminator series, but it’s clear that it’s so much the work of one man (James Cameron) so no one else can make it work. But the fluidity of the xenomorph makes every single film worth watching and honestly essential.

The second film in both series cast a long shadow. But while the following films in the terminator series really don’t hold up if stand alone, the following xenomorph films all showcase a different side to hubris and death

Which is honestly the best way to approach this film. Something new, vibrant, and bizarrely personal

Respecting and knowing horror and monsters films for what they do helps too

“Me at the idea of six more alien films”

I love it. I usually get tuned out after a few films, but this Prometheus saga just works. The possibilities are endless.

Ridley Scott deserves the highest kudos for turning this series into greatness

In a certain way, “Alien” is “Halloween”, perfect in its execution and of its singularity.

Prometheus saga is Friday the 13th series. Messier, off to an odd start, but a snowball of its own delights that fosters an utterly nihilistic universe. Like Jason, David is too good for just one film, and we need those eight films of him. It may indeed prove to be the essentials space monster-mad scientist series, just like Jason is the essential slasher killer.

Is this pizza to a steak? Yes, but each have their own pure delights, and like a certain pie, it just gets better and beautifully blurrier with each dizzying bite

Long live Prometheus saga; may it rule in hell for an eternity. Just as “Covenant” does in my heart.

[the-master-cylinder]

SUMMARY A father and son go hunting in the mountains. Before they can begin hunting, which the son does not want to do anyway, they are killed by flying jellyfish-like creatures, which penetrate their skin with needle-tipped tentacles.

Some time later, four teenagers, Tom, Greg, Beth and Sandy, hike in the same area, ignoring the warnings of local truck stop owner Joe Taylor (Jack Palance). A group of Cub Scouts is also in the area; their leader (Larry Storch) is also killed by the alien creatures, while his troop runs into an unidentified humanoid and flee.

The teenagers set up camp at a lake, but after a few hours, Tom and Beth disappear. Sandy and Greg go looking for them and discover their bodies in an abandoned shack. They drive away in their van, while being attacked by one of the jellyfish which tries to get through the car’s windshield. After they get rid of it, they arrive at the truck stop. Greg tries to get help from the locals, but they do not believe him, except for Fred ‘Sarge’ Dobbs (Martin Landau), who is a mentally ill veteran. Meanwhile, Sandy encounters the humanoid and flees into the woods, where Joe Taylor finds and returns her to Greg.

While they discuss the situation, the sheriff arrives, but Sarge shoots him and begins to become more paranoid. Greg and Sandy leave with Taylor, who reveals he has been attacked by the humanoid before and secretly keeps the flying jellyfish as trophies. They search for the shack and once there, Taylor goes inside to only find the bodies of Tom, Beth and the cub scout leader. They discuss waiting for the creature when Taylor is attacked by another “jellyfish”. The young people run once again, leaving him behind as ordered. They stop a police car and get into the back seat, but find Sarge driving. He abducts them, believing them to be aliens. Greg plays along, telling the deranged man that an invasion force is on the way, thus distracting him enough to toss him aside, run away with Sandy and jump from a bridge.

They make it to a house where they find new clothing and try to relax. In the night, Sandy wakes up and goes looking for Greg, only to discover that he has been killed by the alien, who is still in the room. She flees to the basement and the creature is about to get her when Taylor arrives and saves her. On the way to the shack, he tells her about the creature: it is a tall extraterrestrial (Kevin Peter Hall) who hunts humans for sport to keep as trophies, using the living creatures as living weapons against its prey.

They wait at the shack to ambush the hunter with dynamite when Sarge shows up, almost spoiling their plan. He and Taylor fight, and Sandy is about to hit Sarge from behind when the alien arrives and kills Sarge. Taylor then shoots the creature, with little to no effect. Realizing the last chance of success, he lures it to the shack, which is then blown up by Sandy. She alone survives the horrible night.

DEVELOPMENT It was Satan’s Cheerleaders (1977) co-producer Mike McFarland who came up with the idea for Without Warning (originally titled Alien Encounter, and also released as It Came… Without Warning), Clark’s 1980 sci-fi/horror effort. In a theme later picked up by Predator, Without Warning’s bubbleheaded alien comes to Earth on what amounts to a hunting expedition. After the script spent years floating around Hollywood, Clark reworked it and helped get it into production.

“McFarland hired two teams of writers to flesh out his idea, and besides myself I had another writer, Curtis Burch, come in to help revise the script when I took over,” Clark recalls; neither he nor Burch, who served as an associate producer and the film’s editor, wound up taking credit for their rewrites. “Originally, the alien hunted with a bow and arrow. I wanted it to be a little more unusual than a weapon we could have here on Earth, so I came up with the flesh eating creatures that the alien flips like a Frisbee at its victims.”

BEHIND THE SCENES/ PRODUCTION Shot in California during December. Without Warning was filmed almost exclusively at night, which Clark feels “adds tremendously to a film’s atmosphere,” but also caused its share of problems. “At night it would get down to the low 30s. That’s cold for Southern California. The entire crew wore ski masks, and with the dark and the masks, I couldn’t tell one crew member from another. My cinematographer was Dean Cundey and let’s see, this was my seventh picture. When I wanted to talk to Dean Cundey, I would have to go up to each of them and say, ‘Dean? Are you Dean?’”

“This picture was made for $150,000, including $75,000 for Palance and Landau,” he reveals. “That left me with 75 grand to shoot the picture, edit, do the post production and everything else. So when I agreed to do it under those circumstances, I realized I had to make it in three weeks.

BEHIND THE SCENES/INTERVIEWS Besides offering the obligatory don’t go-near-the-woods warning, the forceful appearances of Palance and Landau serve notice that Without Warning isn’t just going to be a movie about kids in peril. Throughout, there’s a running tension between the young and old characters, and the film ends up being at least as much about the craggy old dudes as the naive, attractive youths. This young-vs.-old dynamic is brought home in a long and impressive scene fairly early in the movie, when two of the kids stumble into a country bar in their retreat from the alien’s flying weapons, finding not only Landau and Palance inside, but also such cinema vets as Sue Ane Langdon, Neville (Eaten Alive) Brand and Old Hollywood star Ralph (Food of the Gods) Meeker in his final role.

“I had used Jack Palance in a previous picture, Angels’ Brigade (1979) and I’d used Ralph Meeker before and worked with Neville on, I guess, two pictures previous to this,” recalls Clark. “I always like collaborating with professional people like them whenever I have a chance. The more experienced an actor is, the less you have to direct him, and I’m able to work quicker because they know what I’m trying to do. My experience with performers of that caliber is that they’re eager to help the director, and very, very good to work with.”

Brand had a not-unfounded reputation as a boozer and brawler, but according to Clark, by the time the two shared a set, Brand’s problems had ameliorated. “He was an absolute sweetheart to deal with,” Clark recalls. “You know, he was the second most decorated hero, behind Audie Murphy, of WWII. He’d had some really tough times, and he’d talk about the fact that he’d had problems drinking and what have you. But when I worked with him for the first time, in 1977, he was completely sober. In fact, in the scene in the bar in Without Warning, he said, ‘Greydon, I’ll do anything you want, but you know I can’t drink.’ And I said, ‘Neville, I never have alcohol on the set. This beer is apple juice with a little bit of spritz water in it to make it foam.’

“So he was wonderful. He was a terrific guy, and always on top of his game. Again, the experienced actors know that they have a job to do. They’ve done it many, many times, and they come prepared, and it’s easier for everybody on the set.”

Landau returns the compliment. “Greydon Clark knew right where we were going with that story before we ever started shooting,” the actor says. “Now, Jack and I might have taken things off in some unexpected directions, what with our tendency to ham it up, but we always had that anchorage that we could rely on.”

Landau and Palance, the two principal veterans in Without Warning’s cast, were hardly nursing-home geezers. Palance was barely past 60, and Landau had yet to turn 50. But careers age in Hollywood with unnatural speed, and at the time the picture was made, both found themselves down a few rungs from the place they had once stood on fame’s endless ladder.

“Yeah, I was one of those washed-up has-beens who found himself mired in a mess of low-budget horror movies and foreign-market exploitations for a long while there,” Palance told us, five years before his 1996 death. “Me and Martin Landau and Cameron Mitchell and Neville Brand and Ralph Meeker, and good old Larry Storch, in the case of Without Warning. But I loved the experience. Maybe not so much at the time, grateful though I was just to keep on working, but certainly in the bigger perspective of having a showy, aggressive role that somebody might notice and appreciate.

“The only direction for us from Without Warning was straight up!” he added with a chuckle. “But us old mavericks, Landau and me and the boys, knew the job was dangerous when we took it-acting, I mean, trying to get away with being movie stars in a land where talent is a disposable commodity—and a hot temper, like I used to have in the early days, was pure damned career suicide.”

Clark has similar praise for Landau whose Dobbs is ultimately revealed to be a shell-shocked wacko who believes the alien has somehow taken over the kids’ bodies, à la Invasion of the Body Snatchers—and the actor returns it. “Greydon Clark is a godsend,” says Landau. “He believed in me—not just in me, I mean, but in a lot of us aging near-burnouts who’d had our day in the fickle major leagues and he offered roles that were neither demeaning, like I’d seen happen to Lon Chaney Jr. with some of those low-budget guys, nor otherwise false. Just working actor stuff, meaty bits of business that allowed us to slice the ham as thick as we wanted. In fact, Francis Coppola told me that he had sought me out for Tucker [1988] in light of that over-the-top stuff I had done for Greydon Clark. It served notice that I still had the chops.”

“I’d like to tip my hat to Marty Landau,” Clark says. “We were on a very, very short schedule, so some days we had to work really long hours. When you’re at a location you only have for a single day, a 12-hour shoot is a short one. We had some 16-, 18-, even 20-hour days.

“This was the first film I’d done with him, and that night, when we were finishing with him, I had to say, ‘Marty, you’re scheduled to come back in about six hours. It’s relatively short, and I can have you out in a couple of hours, but because of scheduling problems, I need you in first thing. You know that I’m supposed to give you a 12-hour turnaround, according to the Screen Actors Guild, but I don’t have the budget to pay you the penalty that’s required by the guild.’ And Marty said, “No problem, Greydon. I’ll just come in and sign in at the regular time.’ ”

Clark pauses. “This is a guy who’d been around. I believe he told me his first film was North by Northwest (1959), Hitchcock’s film, and of course he’d done two or three television series. Again, I’ve been so lucky in my career that all the ‘name’ actors I’ve directed have been just remarkable, and very cooperative and helpful. I know Neville Brand and Palance had a reputation for being difficult, but I found just the opposite to be true. The picture I did with Jack before Without Warning, Angel’s Brigade, had a lot of very, very young people in it, inexperienced people, and he would work with them and rehearse with them, and showed a great deal of patience.”

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  SPECIAL EFFECTS

Seven-foot actor Kevin Peter Hall, who made a career of performing in monster suits, tallied his second film appearance as the barely glimpsed human-hunter. “McFarland had already contacted Rick Baker about creating the alien, and Rick had somehow found Kevin,” the director explains. Baker’s involvement ended when Clark took over the production, with Baker protégé and future Oscar-winner Greg Cannom ultimately responsible for the creature and its gruesome handiwork.

“As a producer/director, you’re responsible for everything, really, and I always like to blame somebody else if it doesn’t work and take the credit if it does,” he says with another laugh. “So I don’t want to use the word ‘created,’ but I came up with the idea for the little Frisbee creatures, in the scripting stage. The original concept was that the alien had come here and was hunting with a bow and arrow. That didn’t do it for me, so I was kicking around ideas of what I could do. I wanted to have a live creature that it hunted with, almost like sending dogs out, except that it would be a flying thing that he threw. So I started sketching one day what they might look like, and then I brought in my effects people, and we created this little guy with teeth, and hair around it, and tentacles and so forth, and I believe it works pretty well.”

RELEASE/DISTRIBUTION Selling the film to a distributor seemed easy at first, but quickly became complicated. “I made a U.S. distribution deal with American International Pictures (AIP) and within a few weeks of finalizing the deal, Filmways purchased AIP and announced they were not going to distribute any more of those AIP exploitation pictures,” Clark said. A potentially lucrative sale to cable-TV and to CBS, which premiered Without Warning on its Late Movie, depended on the film’s theatrical exposure. “I had to threaten them with a lawsuit to get Without Warning distributed,” Clark said. “They gave it a minimal release across the United States and the picture, much to their surprise, was well-received and did substantial box-office.” In some territories, the film was released as It Came Without Warning. Clark sees it differently. “Without Warning was released around the world in the spring of 1980 and received positive critical response and strong box-office,” he says.

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CAST/CREW Without Warning (1980) Directed by Greydon Clark Produced by Greydon Clark Tarah Nutter as Sandy Christopher S. Nelson as Greg Jack Palance as Joe Taylor Martin Landau as Fred ‘Sarge’ Dobbs Neville Brand as Leo Ralph Meeker as Dave Cameron Mitchell as Hunter Darby Hinton as Randy David Caruso as Tom Lynn Thell as Beth Sue Ane Langdon as Aggie Larry Storch as Cub Scout Leader Kevin Peter Hall as The Alien

Cinematography Dean Cundey

Makeup Department Greg Cannom … special makeup Alistair Mitchell … makeup artist

Music by Dan Wyman

CREDITS/REFERENCES/SOURCES/BIBLIOGRAPHY Fangoria#150 Fangoria#271

Without Warning (1980) Retrospective SUMMARY A father and son go hunting in the mountains. Before they can begin hunting, which the son does not want to do anyway, they are killed by flying jellyfish-like creatures, which penetrate their skin with needle-tipped tentacles.

[prowlingthunder]

Top 10 fave Fanfics of All Time

I got (un)officially tagged by @badwolfgirl01 who apparently wants to know where my interest lies. Oops.

Let’s start with one of my old favorites, yeah?

daddy's gonna buy you a looking glass and a wish to assimilate the world by Fahye can't really be read separately, if you ask my opinion. The first (and currently only) parts of Looking Glass, they're Ouran High School Host Club fanfictions shipping the best Fivesome with a side of Honey/Mori. I suppose you can call the fics a little dated (2007 and 2010 on Ao3 respectively) but they still read super shiny to me. It’s a really good fic of a multi-person relationship.

Back in 2014, AvocadoLove started, and finished, Every Villain Is a Hero (in his own mind) - where Iron Man is a villain in New York, who habitually comes to blows with Captain America. Only, alas, during the Issue of the Week and a team up between the two, Iron Man doesn’t make it home. Incidentally, Steve and Tony were married... but didn’t know about one another’s secret identities. And I am a sucker for pre-established relationships and identity reveal.

After suffering through Resident Evil 6, I ended up very, very attached to Sherry and Jake. The friendship and maybe more that they had. (I also grew pretty attached to Piers and anyone who knows the game knows how well that ended for me.) So I needed to go find magical fics that elaborated on this relationship. And I found Only By You, wherein onthewayside gives us Sherry/Jake and copious amounts of flowers.

Past the Point of Safe Return by Jedi Buttercup is short, but worth the read if you’re into Alien vs Predator things. You don’t find a whole lot of fics about Lex (though once upon a time I did see a Lex and Scar cosplayer duo, and the Lex cosplayer confessed my mother and I were the only ones who’d recognized her) and you find even less about the Survivors as a collective. It’s nice to see it touched on, and this particular fic has lingered with me for.. years.

So we had flowers earlier-- you want dancing now? Let’s go over here to O Brightening Glance by Emamel. Attack on Titan/Shingeki no Kyojin, extrapolating on local culture and characters. I am an absolute sucker, this is me. I love little fics like this, things that aren’t grand epics but are important all the same. The world building that goes into tiny details is so.. precious.

And speaking of precious, let’s take a momentary sidetrip away from Ao3 to date myself on Alydia Rackham’s FF.net with What the Room Requires. Alydia writes some of the best fics, and the best books, that I have ever seen-- and this fic is what brought me to her. A confrontation between Harry Potter and Draco Malfoy leaves the latter fleeing for safe harbor-- and Hermione chases him all the way to the Room of Requirement. Friendship and romance ensues.

AWOL, an NCIS and Hetalia crossover, is a little under 2.5k words from Lisse, wherein America goes missing and Canada goes to Gibbs for help, because where else do you go when a Marine goes missing? Nowhere. This fic also contains one very interesting database error and a great deal of wait, what? from the NCIS crew... and the readers. Trust me. It’s worth it.

From Far and Wide is another Hetalia fic that sits really nice with me (I swear, I have not actually watched all of Hetalia, and I have learned more about the show from osmosis via fic than I care to admit.) This one is written by Eerps captures a number of times that, although Canada is chiefly invisible, the other Countries have not in fact forgotten him. #6 is still my favorite.

Who Watches the Watchmen Themselves? by appending_fic is not, in fact, a single story, but a partnership: Heroes and Guardians and The Guardians in the Shadows. Ever wanted to read a fic about the Justice League not-interact with the Guardians? Here you are: have two. Bridges is a series of Buffy the Vampire Slayer and Stargate: SG1 by Tassos, wherein Jack O’Neill gets a phone call and a child in the span of about thirty seconds. About six months later, Xander gets a decent father. Life is good. I love this universe. (Honorable mention to everything Vathara has ever written in her life. You can’t pick just one of her fics over the other. It’s too hard.)

(Honorable mention also to @badwolfgirl01‘s i would have followed you Lord of the Rings fic for making me cry, but that goes beyond my 10 fic limit, so.) I was also going to rec this old HP fic I read once upon a time ago but I couldn’t find it anywhere. I’ve gone through three computers since then and it turns out it’s not in my old favorites for FF.net... or at least the FF.net I actually remember having things in. I feel like I had one before my current one but I... honestly don’t remember what it was? If anybody could help me find it, that’d be great. 

The plot was basically that Harry was actually (secretly) Snape’s son. Due to the war at the time, and having made peace with Lily and James, they offered to do a spell/ritual with Snape so that if he died in battle there would be an heir to carry on his bloodline. He ended up-- nearly dead, close enough for the spell to take, and then about a year later he came back to visit. Lily and James decided against telling him that the spell had been successful and instead used a.. form of blood magic to... kind of transfuse Harry into being James’ son, biologically, until the spell began to wear off in his teenage years. Bloodletting caused the spell to degrade faster (as evidenced in fic when Harry split open his head trying to knock himself out so he didn’t have to talk to Hermione.) 

I recall one scene where he’s talk to Fred and George, dressed in dragonhide boots, and quizzing them on Wizard Fashion and Customs. There was.. also a study of Dark magic, and in the second to last chapter, after Snape has been kidnapped, Harry and Draco decide to go rescue him-- but Harry refuses to take Draco along unless he swears (loyalty? obedience?) to him, to which Draco readily agrees. Dumbledore and company had a minor freakout when the rescue turned out to be successful and only relaxed a little when Harry explained that the ritual was due to run out at sunrise.

...I don’t think there was shipping but there was an excellent discussion about how close Slytherin and Gryffindor character traits really were. There was a Halloween dance party where Harry decided to dress in clubbing gear and confused the faculty because “You go hunting in that?!” (There was another fic where his father was Voldemort that I was reading about that timeperiod but it wasn’t nearly as good.)

Ideas? I’m certain it was on FF.net.

[theycallmetiger-blog1]

Out of Chaos: Intro

Alien: Convenant Fanfiction

Spoiler Warning! For those who haven’t seen Alien: Covenant.

Introduction:

Based on elements created by the following:

Ridley Scott, Dan O'Bannon & Ronald Shesett

James Cameron, David Giler & Walter Hill

Jon Spaihts & Damon Lindelof

Jack Paglen, Michael Green, John Logan & Dante Harper

Creative Rights:

I do not own the Alien universe created by Ridley Scott, Dan O'Bannon and Ronal Shesett. I am but inspired by these artists and visionaries to which I only seek a creative outlet to share stories floating around in my own head for no monetary gain or profit. Any novel ideas or characters I create as part of this fiction I take no ownership of and seek no permission to be used by any party. If you'd like to use elements of this fiction please make sure you give homage to whom it was first inspired from.

No one can hear you scream...

I was about 6 when I saw my first Alien movie. It was late at night, way past my bedtime. Often when my parents thought my siblings and I were sound asleep, they would put on a movie only they were allowed to watch. Sometimes we wouldn't be sleeping and would sneak downstairs to hide behind the couch, peeking around it to see the forbidden film.

Of course my sister and I were no ninjas and were quickly discovered. Only this time instead of being told to go back upstairs, my dad relented and told us that this was a scary film and if we watched it we'd have nightmares.

I'm pretty sure the only thing my sister and I heard was that were were allowed to stay up and watch the film.

My parents were watching Aliens, the second film, and being as young as I was I had no clue what I was watching. There was no doubt I was scared out of my mind as I snuggled between my mom and my sister. There was even one point I knew I couldn't take anymore and ended up back behind the couch.

I can only really describe my feelings for the movie as both fear and awe. I do recall a few things because to this day when I watch Aliens with my family they always bring it up. I had thought Ripely was a boy and that Bishop was a wizard. I had no idea the progression of the film took place on another planet and in outer space. It was more a fantasy, a story of a hero saving a young girl with a wise and magically man along to assist. The alien queen wasn't a queen, but a grotesque beast the hero had to destroy.

A few years later, I really have no idea exactly when but, I was trying to figure out the movie that scared me so horrifically as a child. I asked my parents if they recalled the movie with the wizard and the girl that fought a big black skeleton-like monster. It took quite some effort and explanation but my dad finally realized I was talking about Aliens and literally couldn't stop laughing. And to this day it is one of the more favorite inside jokes of my geeky family.

Aliens has always been apart of my childhood and now adulthood. I've seen all the films, read some of the comics and played the various Alien vs. Predator video games. The original film is by far my favorite and I have rediscovered it as of late. I like the simplicity it now embodies and the unanswered questions it leaves the viewer with.

I am a bit sad that the recent films are now trying to answer those unanswered questions, the origins of the xenomorph, since the mystery is what drives my hunger and love of the story. I do like the new films and the idea of creation and being able to create. The question of if we should all but erased by we already have. Now what?

I like this mature approach to franchise older than myself and I love the twist of a human creation, creating something to destroy humans. That's where my idea took root. When you complete a circle you have to break it so, I broke it.

In my humble opinion, I broke it so good.

This fiction was started on May 22, 2017 and is still in progress.

Introduction: Out of Chaos

Prologue: Dream with Open Eyes

Chapter 1: The beginning is always today.

Chapter 2: The agony of feeling.

Chapter 3: A steady purpose.

[dumbestpersoniknow-blog]

The Path to Avengers: Endgame. Part 6 of 21--The Avengers

Observations and opinions. Feel free to disagree. I ain’t trying to convince you of nothing.

This movie starts with Loki coming to Earth and snagging the Tesseract from SHIELD. He needs it in order to open a portal for his rented army, which is bivouacked on the other side of the universe, to be able to advance upon New York.

I've always been a sucker for crossovers. They are inherently fun. As a kid, Arnold and Willis meeting Tootie and Blair was event television. John Munch has appeared on 10 different TV shows -- making The X-Files, Law & Order and Arrested Development all exist within the same universe. How 'bout them fun apples?

They say this is a first for this kind of thing. Joss Whedon said, “What we’re doing here is completely unprecedented. Marvel is taking the characters and bringing them all together in a team franchise movie experience which has really never been done before.” Even though he apparently has never heard of Roger Rabbit, The Avengers is the biggest crossover ever, only to be surpassed by its sequel, which was surpassed by Captain America’s sequel, which was surpassed by The Avenger’s sequel’s sequel.

I’ve never seen Alien vs. Predator or Freddy vs. Jason or King Kong vs. Godzilla or Etcetera vs. Etcetera. Those movies always seemed gimmicky. The Avengers, although well planned, seemed to have grown organically. With a Maria Hill exception, all of the main characters, along with many minor characters, were introduced in the five previous movies. The DC Extended Universe introduced most of its main characters in its second movie (Batman, Alfred, Wonder Woman, Aquaman, Cyborg and The Flash), which has been problematic for them. The wider Marvel universe seems well thought out — and yet they seem to be making it up as they go. Kind of like going to good a concert. As fans, that’s what we want.

Trivial observations:

--There’s a couple scenes where Agent Coulson talks about seeing a cellist. We learn in Agents of SHIELD that he’s talking about Amy Acker. Pipe dream: I would love to see Amy Acker in Endgame. I would love to see Ming-Na Wen’s Melinda May in Endgame. I would love to see any TV shows referenced in a movie. Pipe dream.

— A little girl deceives Bruce Banner into thinking her father is deathly ill in order to lure him amidst a firing squad of armed men hiding in the shadows. Natasha had paid the little girl to do this. Natasha and Bruce must be made for each other. That’s adorable. That’s the kind of meet-cute they’ll enjoy telling their grandchildren about.

--Natasha takes Bruce onto a Helicarrier where he meets Steve Rogers. This is the first scene with two title characters together.

--Thor thought Loki was dead. What else is new? Well, this is new. But it’s the first of a few.

--Thor says the Earth is under his protection. Loki laughs and says, “Good job" and talks about  humans slaughtering each other. How does this jive with Iron Man successfully privatizing world peace?

The Avengers has countless fun moments, but it is too self-aware of itself for its own good. Loki’s plan involves breaking up the Avengers before they are even together. The characters sometimes talk about teamwork like they know it is the theme of the movie they are starring in. There’s a long portion mid-movie that is very dialogue heavy, scene after scene. It’s a slog.

Even with all of that, seeing these characters come together for the first time is a joy. It’s fun to watch them be friendly. It’s even more fun to watch them not getting along. It’s a fine bit of entertainment.

Stan Lee Cameo— A man-on-the-street interview, “Superheroes in New York. Give me a break."

Mid Credits Scene— Hello, Thanos.

Post Credits Scene— Shawarma. This scene was shot between the movie’s premiere and its wide release. Crazy. Chris Evans has a prosthetic cheek because he has his Snowpiecer beard on. Crazy.

Returning Characters — Iron Man, Captain America, Thor, Fury, Black Widow, Hawkeye, Hulk, Loki, Pepper Potts, Agent Coulson, Selvig, JARVIS, Agent Sitwell