#i love you anon i love you so much
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findafight · 2 years ago
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Why do you (personally) think so many Steve fans loathe the idea of him becoming a dad? becoming a parent is the only dream we know he has, but it's thrown in the trash in most fics. I keep reading about steve being childless by choice, because the party is enough for him, which I really don't get, they're only 4 years younger than him, their relationship is brotherly, not parental, and they have their own parents who raised them. I love found family, but it's not the same as raising children
Oooh. Anon you are so bold giving this to me, a person who has an elaborate studio era lavender marriage au where Steve and Robin just. Get adopted by children who break into their house AND one where Steve becomes brotherdad to his half sister. A person who clearly also doesn't know why people have future!Steve childless. Man attracts kids like the pied piper.
But let me try. I have some ideas.
First off there's less space between Steve and Dustin than me and my little sister, but more than me and my big brother, so I can for sure say, you definitely become more friends less caretakery with your siblings once you/they are not fourteen. Still protective though. Maybe many people writing those don't have close sibling relationships with moderate age gaps? Like, there's a point where you feel comfortable letting your little sibling do mostly whatever, because they're big, but you're not gonna let them get hurt if you can stop it. There's also never a point where you stop looking at your older sibling to help you. That doesn't mean my big brother is like my dad?? It's very different, and that's important!! The Party for sure has a sibling-like relationship with Steve, especially Dustin, and Max, and I'd say Lucas (he has a little sister, but no older sibling, and Steve and Erica are scoops troop bonded so. Bonus brother for Lucas!)(will and Mike have their own older siblings. El and Steve interaction WHEN!!!!) and they all have actual parents. So yeah. Steve has a gaggle of little siblings he'd fucking die for, and his kids are going to have so many uncles/aunts/non-binary sibling of parent (there is no good word for that)
So. I think it's possible that because a lot of people headcanon Steve as queer, that immediately makes "having kids" a bit more complicated given the state of things for queer folk in the 80's. That's fair.
With that, possibly people sort of...transfer Steve wanting kids and a big family to working with kids. Which isn't that big of a leap for Steve! He obviously does well with the Party and Erica, and he canonically worked as a lifeguard, which almost definitely means he taught swimming too! (Small pool def wanted duel certs. Trust me). He likes kids, works well with them, and wants them. These are three things that are separate, but blend well with each other.
However I don't really agree. Obviously being parents was harder for gay/queer people in the eighties, especially men. But it wasn't unheard-of! I think saying that because he's queer and in a relationship with a man in the eighties that he'd have to give up on his dream of being a dad is rude. There would be obstacles but, really, I think Steve would see it as totally worth it.
Another reason I think people don't want to give future Steve kids is. Listen it's been a while since I saw it but. His little speech was pretty embarrassing. Mostly because it was to Nancy. And that he followed up on the way to vecna and said he thought it would be her there too... Literally any other character would have made it not awkward, but because he and Nancy haven't talked about anything other than the upside down since season 2, it was awkward and bad. If it was ANYONE ELSE it would have been so cute (it still kinda is just. Ignore that they tried to give stancy development without actually giving them development) like if Robin was there? If Dustin or Max? Erica? Lucas? Were sitting in that seat, it'd be Steve sharing a dream of a big family he had, trying to lighten the mood, of opening up to people he cared about. They'd tease him, but the implication of him wanting them there as well would be clear and very cute. Adorable.
Because those are characters that don't have the same baggage in their relationship with Steve, but the six nuggets speech was made to Nancy so immediately it's already a bit off for people who want the characters to actually, y'know, talk about the past and move forward from it. Nancy and Steve's relationship is so messy and interesting and if they wanted me to get into actually rooting for it then maybe they should have an actual conversation about it!! And have Nancy break up with Jon before!! Not just half dreams of the future while her bf isn't there!
People also try to use it as saying Steve assumed Nancy would? Just be a Sahm? Or something? When that was never the implication? Maybe Nancy would have interpreted it that way, but I didn't. Steve wanted a big family who spent lots of quality time together having adventures. Six kids is a lot, but I betcha if Steve thought that much about having that many kids and road tripping to the ocean, he was probably imagining being the primary caretaker of those lil nuggs. He was daydreaming about first day of kindergarten and tearing up for real I know it.
Also I think people are cowards if they don't think Robin and Steve would get convenience married and adopt a couple kids even tho Robin is slightly terrified of toddlers (they are fast and they BITE) and Steve would be Robin's trophy husband who's a stay at home dad that wages physiological suburban warfare by being a Wife Guy and the envy of all early nineties housewives.
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egophiliac · 9 months ago
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What do you like about the Diasomnia boys if I may ask?
I always love hearing about the different reasons people enjoy characters.
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I mean, c'mon. he has split custody over Sebek okay
also, Lilia in particular has maybe the best timeskip character development of all time
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#art#twisted wonderland#twisted wonderland spoilers#twisted wonderland episode 7 spoilers#twisted wonderland book 7 spoilers#twisted wonderland episode 7 chapter 4 spoilers#twisted wonderland book 7 chapter 4 spoilers#stage in playful land#i hope this is legible whoops#anon i am sorry but you made the fatal mistake of asking me to talk about diasomnia#insert 'i just think they're neat' jpg#i do like the other characters a lot but they are definitely my favorites#they just hit a lot of my favorite things in characters i guess!#yes even you sebek even though you keep shrieking NINGEN at me#(it's okay he gets Character Development™ later)#and their dynamic! it's great! these guys frikking love each other SO much and they WILL have terrible terrible angst about it#ohoho delicious#give me all your emotional hangups baybeeeee#also somewhere in there i went from 'i like them all equally (but lilia is the most fun to draw)'#to 'lilia is absolutely my favorite (and still the most fun to draw) (EVEN MORE fun now thank you swishy ponytail!)'#(it was probably when his candy coating got a little scratched and whoops all the tragedy fell out)#(where's that 'get loved loser' post because i need to staple it to lilia's forehead)#i am extremely bad at putting things into words so please don't ask me to explain it any further#just know that the diafam is everything to me and if we don't get more episode 7 soon i'm going to crumble into dust and blow away#we'll be getting the crowleytimes on monday and maybe there will be. idk. some foreshadowing or something in his groovy#probably not but LOOK i'm desperate
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polinsated · 5 months ago
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Tell me what to do. I will do everything. No. Tell me.
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gayford · 2 months ago
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strabismus fiddleford is real
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strabismus fiddleford owns my heart .. i need to see more of it in the world
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fanaticsnail · 6 months ago
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Sanji in his little "Kiss the Cook" apron.
Is it romantic? Starting as a joke with kisses on the cheek and temple until the two of you end up full on making out?
Or is it platonic? With the straw hats giving him little kisses in passing, starting with Luffy and spreading through the crew until even Zoro relents? Because what's better than kissing the homies goodnight?
You tell me snail, what's the move?
-♡♡ lots of love
"porque no los dos?"
Kiss the Cook
Masterlist here
Word Count: 1,700+
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Synopsis: Sanji was gifted an apron from Nami after returning back from town. Every member of the crew aside from Zoro and you have followed the embroidered instructions written on his chest, and he wasn't happy about the lack of kisses from you. You finally relent and give him what he wants.
Themes: platonic kisses, fluff, implied f!reader - but can be read as gn!reader, sanji has feelings for you, you have unspoken feelings for sanji, idiots in love, Sanji has lost that 'line-cook rizz'.
Notes: This has been in my ask box for less than a day. I don't know what it is about you, anon. As soon as I see those two little hearts I'm just overtaken by something. I blame the "kisses". @chikariart on twitter.
Tag list: @mfreedomstuff @daydreamer-in-training @sordidmusings @since-im-already-here @indydonuts @feral-artistry @gingernut1314 @i-am-vita @writingmysanity
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“Could these onions misbehave any more?” the chef grumbled under his breath, gritting his teeth and clamping hard down on his cigarette, “C’mon, now. What have I gotta do to get your layers off? Talk dirty to you?” He used the steel edge of his knife to attempt to pry the brown outer layer away from its fleshy underside with shaking hands. 
Sanji’s nerves were ignited, his whole composure on edge and waiting for the next intrusion in his kitchen and potential distraction from his work. 
When Nami brought the frilly pink apron his way, he was initially ecstatic at the notion he was thought of enough to be given a little gift. But as the red embroidery with white stitched hearts expressed consent for his body to be given sweet kisses at all times, he was truly alert. With an assault of affection from all who approached him each time he adorned the fabric in its wake, he was finding it difficult to focus on each mundane kitchen task. 
In this case, peeling onions was the bane of his existence. As the flickered peel almost withdrew from the circular bulb, it split and only chipped off a small amount of the outer layer. 
Sanji loved kisses, adored kisses: all the cheek, forehead and shoulder kisses he'd received from the crew. Cheeky Nami kisses, soft Robin kisses, and nibbled toothy kisses from Chopper were his favorites. 
He was less enthusiastic about hulking, wet kisses from Franky, nor the hungry cheek kisses from Luffy which was used to depict the state of his appetite. Usopp was the middle ground, his kisses were a tease on his shoulder with a rough clap and a gaggle of laughter immediately thereafter.
Brook’s kisses were actually quite funny to the blonde cook. As the skeleton man had no lips to kiss with, he resigned himself to the notion of simply walking past him, and taunting him with a melodic hum of the words: “kiss,” “kisses,” or an emphatic “mwah,” as he did so.
Of the members of the remaining crew, he was happy that the stinky moss-head kept his lips to himself. There was no way he would allow him the closer proximity to his body without starting a sparring match. He was, however, not so happy that you were yet to place your lips sweetly on the apple of his cheek. 
Sanji adored you, wanted to treat you with the utmost respect and dote on you alongside the other members of the crew. You were special to him, and he rationalized that his small crush was why he was craving a scrap of your attention so much. As he continued cursing at the onions, he heard a soft tap on the doorway to the kitchen. 
“Need help, cook?” Sanji looked up, noticing you leaning on the side of the door. He smiled softly at you, biting back his smile and gulping his insecurity. 
“Oh, beautiful angel,” he managed to turn away from the counter and look out the window as he resumed his battle with the onions, “I'm all good here, don't you worry yourself. Go relax with the others.” You clicked your tongue and stepped closer to the bench and stood a few feet away from the blonde cook. 
Noticing his posture, you knit your brows in puzzlement. He was twitching while he was going about his peeling, finally managing to coax the shell away from the exterior and sigh in relief. His cheeks were tinted a soft shade of pastel pink, his nose the most darkened by the blushy hue. 
Looking down, the frilly pink apron with ‘Kiss the Cook,’ held the final piece of information as to his nervous composure. You smiled softly at him, looking to where his hands skillfully minced the onions and threw them into a scorching pot with molten butter and aromatic herbs. 
He rinsed his hands in the sink, lathering them with soapy froth and soaking the suds with glassy water. The scent from the pot of sweetened onions with rosemary, sage and thyme had your mouth salivating in anticipation of what was to come. 
“What's cooking, good looking?” you smiled at him softly, gesturing with your chin to the pot on the stove. He froze up, his ears tinting darker with the shade of pink. 
“J-Just a mirepoix,” he stuttered out, prompting you to shake your head and offer him a soft laugh in response. Taking the extinguished cigarette out of his lips, he placed the butt in the bin beneath the sink. 
Noticing the tension in his body, you reach up and place a hand on his shoulder to urge him to turn to face you. He meets his gray orbs with yours, a sheepish look on his face as you gaze up into his eyes. 
“You've been off the line for too long, Sanji,” you scrunch your nose up playfully at him, “Lost that flirtatious kitchen charisma and banter, blushing like a bride at the most simple of compliments. What's going on with you?” You graze your fingers along his jaw, leaving a rising layer of goose flesh in its wake. 
“I-It’s-...” Sanji gulped his nerves back, hanging his head with a soft laugh and subtle shake in response, “...It's this stupid apron.” You look down at the apron with a smirk. 
“What about the ‘stupid apron’, Sanji?” you ask with a raised brow before gazing back into his eyes, “Not your color?” He continued smiling and shaking his head at you before looking up through his eyelashes into your questioning and puzzled eyes. 
“To be honest with you,” he sucked his bottom lip between his teeth to halt his words from sounding too eager, “I actually love it. Even though it started as a joke, it has actually made a big difference the way I’ve been feeling lately.” He shrugged, turning his eyes back to the ground and snickering, “Stupid, right?” 
Cupping his face, you elevate his head and hum at him in deep contemplation. 
“Not stupid,” you shrug at him, darting your eyes between his and flickering your gaze down to his lips, “Not stupid at all.” His breath hitched in his throat, eyes beginning to fill with hope as you drew your face ever closer to his. 
Closing his eyes, he parted his lips and anticipated feeling yours brush with them. His heart beat in his throat, his ears hearing that drum of hope ringing with his elevated pulse. As he drew his face closer still, the balloon of anticipation was instantly deflated as he felt your lips brush with the apple of his cheek and linger for less than a single second. 
As you withdrew from his cheek, Sanji was left feeling like a complete idiot. He stared vacantly, directly ahead with unblinking eyes and his ego completely deflated. His heart fizzled out like a flame being snuffed by a wet blanket. 
Looking at his vacant expression and the soft blush on his cheeks, you couldn’t help yourself. A single, timid kiss was not enough of an indulgence to grant to the blonde cook, in your opinion. You leaned forward once more, pressing a soft kiss on his angular jaw before pressing another on his neck above his pulse and beneath his ear lobe. 
Sanji’s breath hitched, his hands opening and closing in clenched fists and shaking extensions. Gasping, he leant his head to the side and whimpered at the soft touches you were pressing into his skin. His pulse quickened, his breath hitched, and his eyes clenched tightly shut as he argued with himself where to place his hands on you. 
Trailing your lips down to his collarbone, you pressed a sweet and gentle kiss against the bone before clamping your teeth down onto the flesh. Sanji mewled in pleasure at the attention, throwing his head back and drawing up his forearm to his face to catch the damp blood from exiting his nose. His head was dizzy, his lips parting and whining as he felt your tongue swirl around the soft bite to his collar. 
Pulling away from him, you sucked your lips into your mouth and bit-back your smile at his reaction. He slowly drew his eyes down to meet yours, the irises eclipsed by blown pupils and his desire. Giggling at him, you tilted your head to the side and clasped your hands behind your back and rocked on your feet. 
Sanji surged his body forward, claiming your cheeks beneath his hands and carding his fingers through your hair the moment his lips descended onto yours. You squeaked in response, immediately placing your hands on Sanji’s hips as he pinned you against the sink with his hips. His kisses were needy, desperate and full of desire. 
As he rotated his chin to deepen the oscillation, you reached up to his shoulder and tapped it twice while gasping in his mouth. He tugged himself away, looking down at you in shock with wide eyes and panting breath.
“I-I’m sorry, I’m sorry,” he began to hastily relay his apologies, “I didn’t mean to do that, truly. The other kisses I get from the crew are usually a little more hasty and less indulgent. I didn’t want to make you uncomfortable or anything, honest-.”
“-Sanji,” you laugh at him, looking up through half-hooded lashes and brushing your nose with his, “Your mirepoix is going to burn.” 
Immediately, Sanji broke himself away from you and stomped over to the large pot. He grumbled as he stirred the aromatics with a wooden spoon, growling under his breath, “This stupid apron has been nothing but a complete distraction.” You giggled at him as he aggressively began stirring at the pot to salvage the caramelizing vegetables. 
“That’s it,” he tore the apron away from his chest and cast it to the side, “No more kisses in the kitchen. I refuse to have good food spoil because I’ve been getting distracted by soft kisses… sweet kisses…” he trailed off, fishing around in his pocket for a cigarette after he rotated the vegetables within the butter. 
Shaking your head, you go and retrieve the apron from where he cast it aside and hung it over the kitchen table. Eyeing him over mischievously, you walk over to him and hold his hips firmly from behind and place one more soft kiss between his shoulder blades. 
“Come find me when you want to put on that stupid apron again, hm?” you utter, releasing his hips and making your way over to the kitchen doorway and out of the room with haste. 
Sanji shook his head with a warm smile and a dark blush. Looking to where you had just left, he sighed deeply and began to focus solely on the meal preparation with no more cause for distraction.
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callieisto · 4 months ago
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I need every thought on Sam Winchester you have STAT bc u are SO correct he is SUCH a munch to the point I think he forgets about the rest of sex sometimes like he just wants to make you feel good AAAAAA
HE DOES FORGET ABOUT THE REST OF SEX!!!! He will literally be down there until you remind him that he, like, actually also enjoys being taken care of.
I don’t think he’s that into receiving oral (he won’t turn you down, but he would much rather do something else!), but I think he looooooooooves seeing you covered in his cum.
He has a breeding kink too but I think he likes to finish on your stomach/chest first and then go a second round because his refractory period is a bit shorter than most AND he is the king of overstim. On you, on him, he doesn’t care, if you’re having a good time he’s having a good time!
Younger Sam especially, though, I think is more adventurous? If that makes sense. He’ll finger you in a graveyard for a quickie or eat you out in the hotel room or, on one very very memorable occasion, bend you over the hood of whatever car he can find and fuck you real good!!! Older Sam wants to keep that all to himself but he would definitely make you ride his thigh if he was lounging in the library/living room of the bunker and everyone else was out.
Iiiiiiii don’t think he necessarily enjoys being called anything other than his name or ‘baby’/‘babe’ etc.? I think hearing you say his name boosts his ego a lot in bed, in that breathy tone when he’s getting ready to push inside.
Sam only uses condoms if he’s having a one night stand or he doesn’t want to make a mess (or, if you can get pregnant and you’re not on the pill. He doesn’t want to bring a baby into… you know. All of that. But he DOES want a baby he wants a baby real bad and I think that after the events of the show he FUCKS YOU LIKE HE WANTS YOU PREGNANT! Breeding kink king I fear 😔)
He talks to you real sweet I think! All up in your guts and cooing at you like “oh, I know you can take it, baby, you have before, haven’t you?” “So pretty, so fucking pretty, love you so much, angel.” “You’re so pretty when you take me all the way in. Can you feel me in there? I’m riiiiiight abouttttt… here…” and then he presses down on your stomach with a little giggle.
The KING of giggly sex I fear, he wants to giggle and kiss you breathless and play wrestle you for dominance and then kiss you slow while he worships you the way you deserve
Sam Winchester the man that you are…
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macbcth · 6 months ago
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what your favourite dunmeshi ship says about you
farcille: you're classic, you make sense, you like to see the lesbians winning and also you're a bit of a monster fucker: you may or may not specifically have a wing kink
chilshi: you like your men hairy and fat, also you are not immune to panty-shot propaganda, your love language is acts of service
chilaios: you have a size kink
labru: you prefer mlm ships over any other pairing, you think character foils should fuck, you may be a sucker for blue eyes
laimar: your favourite trope is friends to lovers, also you like to see the bisexuals winning, you're also.. what the poets might call.... weird
marchil: your favourite trope is enemies to lovers, your love language is banter, and you're the kind of person who says 'i can fix him' far too often
kabumisu: your ship could burn down the world and violate the geneva convention and you would still call both of them babygirl, also you like angst
laios x monsters: you like tentacle porn
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borgialucrezia · 7 months ago
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I don't want Naples yet. I want my sister.
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tubbytarchia · 7 months ago
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jimmy stream watcher here i havent watched most of this stream but he did run into glass. like a bird
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amazing. I'm so proud of him
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coffeebrownn · 3 months ago
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the way you draw Chris Redfield makes the neurons in my brain jump with joy
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thank you!! i love him so much!! :' D
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kosherkept · 2 months ago
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at the very least, leftist antisemites can actually be really funny sometimes. getting on the internet to celebrate the deaths of over a thousand jews only to deactivate your account because you're "feeling really overwhelmed and need to take a break from harassment :/" because like one jew told you "hey thats bad actually." ???? HILARIOUS
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xxplastic-cubexx · 18 days ago
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Snap: *draws a Megaman-inspired Magneto*
Me: ...Perfect modernization.
wait now that its not 3AM i can do you one Slightly better
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bonus:
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#xmen#xmen comics#magneto#erik lehnsherr#erik magnus lehnsherr#max eisenhardt#snap sketches#this is legitimately the most self indulgent thing ever ive been wanting to draw magneto like a robot master for months vjAELKJAE#i thought about adding the little 'ears' robot masters/reploids have but not this time#whats funny is that during my initial redesigning i WANTED to pay homage to erik's trench coat look buuuutt i couldnt figure how#so thank you sigma for. letting me steal your shit vjELKAEJ#i havent drawn megaman characters in like. years good lord- whats funny is that magnetman Was one of my faves to draw#which doesnt mean much since i loved drawing pretty much all the robot masters equally LMAOOO#i remember some freak got pressed at me for doodling metalman during class once like dawg what is your problem#bruv leave me ALONE let me draw you are not my mom#anyway. as i said last night i dont have my usual evening class so i figured id fill the time doodlin these#they didnt take long- i think thats why i like drawing This magneto outfit so much#reminds me of my megaman doodlin days ... also it's genuinely just quick as hell WHICH. makes sense#all that done im done megaman-inspired posting thank you for the opportunity anon im glad you appreciated it :]]#im gonna go eat now my tummy rumblin. theeeeeeen i guess ill drive home ???? i guess.#it's almost saturday so that means i get to post more asks- ive been hoarding them throughout the week#so i apologize if some people have been waitin i PROMISE i havent been ignoring i just wanna draw somethin for it </3#ok im eating now BYYYYYYEEE
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frownyalfred · 14 days ago
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Combining your Bruce's metal implants post plus the post you made a while ago about Clark's Kryptonian gut biome affecting Bruce:
What if that's how Bruce finds out about how the whole sharing bacteria via kissing and more ;), has strengthened his immune system, fixed old wounds, made him more resistant to diseases, etc. At this point, him and Clark have been together for a while, something happens that causes a metal implant to be removed but Bruce notices he is nowhere near in as much pain as he should be, if there even is any.
Bruce holding three of his titanium implants in his hand, now possessing a full mouth of natural teeth again for the first time in 15 years:
Clark:
Bruce:
Clark: look --
Bruce: do you know how difficult these were to get?
Clark: ....you're welcome?
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daily-spooky · 6 months ago
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Thank you for making this blog
My pleasure
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basketobread · 7 months ago
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my dumb fuck ass just spent 30 minutes trying to find Save Us White Girl and caved and "help white girl bg3" immediately returned it via google,,,,, had help white girl, white girl help stuck in my head,,,,,
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THIS MADE ME LAUGH SO MUCH TBH I CANNOT BELIEVE IT CAN IMMEDIATELY BE FOUND LIKE THAT???? everyday this comic finds its way back to me and i'm unsure if i'll ever be able to outdo it... it might be my magnum opus, i fear... (this is a good thing)
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yayll · 3 months ago
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~ a little something about Beast Dazai and his inability to let you go ~
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Your hand trembles as you're about to knock on the massive office doors and you wonder if you're about to make the biggest mistake of your life.
You got too close working for this terribly lonely man, and now you're knocking at his door with the only solution you can think of to put an end to your silly infatuations that have gone on for longer than you'd want to admit and can possibly handle. You open the door slowly, and walk into the elegant and massive office space, your eyes falling right onto the dark haired man in all black hunched over the desk, scribbling away as if he didn't hear you come in. You walk quietly, and when you reach the wooden desk, your voice comes out soft and firm.
"Dazai, sir? I wanted to speak to you about something sensitive, if I may."
You chew on the corner of your bottom lip, but quickly compose yourself when you see the face of the man you've spent so much time with, the unfortunate love of your life. if it weren't for his Maroon scarf, he'd look like nothing but a black void. A burnt Black cat. He looks up, narrowed eyes scan you as he takes a sip of his tea, replying in a monotonous tone.
"What is it?"
"After much consideration, I think.. I need to leave the Port Mafia. We've worked together for quite a while now, and I can assure you it's not about the quality or enjoyment of my work. You don't even have to acknowledge this beyond me simply saying it, I just have to confess something that makes my heart ache. You make my heart ache. I know how unprofessional that sounds and that you have no use for such affections, but I can't keep pretending. It's why I think it's time for me to move onto something else otherwise my work will become disrupt-"
A lifted finger is shoved into your face, signaling you to stop, and so you do. Of course you do. You always had a habit of word vomiting when you were anxious. Dazai is staring down at his tea, and he stays quiet for a long time, trying to pick what emotion he can mask his real outraged ones with. Finally, he flashes you an unbothered look, his eyes half lidded as they taunt you. A cruel smirk curls onto his lips.
"Oh? What an awful time for your honesty! I'm currently drowning in work and responsibilities, ones that you're supposed to aid me with, actually. Thus, I have no use for your confession." He simply says.
You can feel a sinking feeling in the pit of your stomach. You expected this. Looking down at your shoes, you chew on your lip again.
"I had to tell you.. Like I said, you can just forget about it."
"Well you see, that's the problem. I can't forget it. The moment you uttered those nasty little words to me, I realized I have to carry the weight of finding a new secretary. And I resent that."
He looks away for a brief second, his words are bitter and laced with what sounds like remorse and irritation.
You cross your arms and sigh, your voice comes out lower than your confidence.
"I just thought that we were... I suppose I should have never dared to assume you'd ever see me as more than a-"
He instantly leans over his desk, now placing a finger on your lip, his voice just above a whisper.
"... And though these feelings you have for me may be inconvenient, it doesn't mean that they're unwelcome."
He lets his finger rest on your lips for just a second too long, meanwhile you're frozen in place feeling like your chest is going to collapse in on itself. His voice becomes softer.
"Sit, please."
You sit down, now facing each other. It's quiet for a few moments as you both study each other's expressions. This form of intimacy was unusual to everyone else but the two of you, having spent countless hours in the past working across one another without uttering a single word, yet communicating in perfect sync. You were a part of each other's routines, a never ending spiral. Dazai feels himself teetering on the edge of something dangerous, something peeling away at his very soul. He's usually so arrogant and domineering, but in this instant, he suddenly feels an exhaustion wash over him trying to keep that going. He's kept it going for so long, he forgot that he doesn't like doing it with you. You don't deserve to be a part of all of this, and he doesn't deserve to want you.
Oh how he loathes his true identity: A simple man. A human man. Your man.
When he can't take it anymore, he slowly creeps his bandaged hand on top of yours, applying light pressure, but his eyes don't dare look into yours. Not yet. Finally, you break the silence, staring down with furrowed brows at the way your hands fit around one another. You mutter under your breath, tired of being vague.
"What are we to each other, Dazai? I mean really?"
"Do I really need to spell it out for you?" He snorts, trying to cling to the last of his cruelty but failing as he lets his emotions sway his judgement.
You sigh, flipping your hand over so that your fingers can fully intertwine.
"I just don't know how I could ever take up any space in your mind. I didn't think you noticed whether I stayed or left."
He looks up, flashing you a mildly offended look, his sharp eyes narrowing. He scoffs quietly, dropping your hand and standing up from his desk. He walks over to you, his full height now looming. He bends down and scolds you.
"What an obscene thing to say. You're invaluable. You have always been occupying my mind, every minute, every second, every microsecond. I always notice. I'd notice even if I was on my deathbed."
Your breath catches in your throat, and you finally manage to swallow the lump that's building up as you stare up at your reckoning.
"I just- I'd never try to leash you, sir."
His eyes soften, and he tilts his head slightly. You drive him mad with the way you don't realize what a dog he is for you. His voice comes out strained.
"You wouldn't need to. And don't call me that. You know my name, and as your superior l'm ordering you to address me properly."
Your cheeks flush, and you part your lips, letting out the breath you can't stop holding. A faint smile appears on your face, and you stand up slowly to meet him.
"You're like the moon, you know? You control everything like the tides. You control me, Osamu."
He shakes his head, and sighs deeply. If only you could see how wrong you were. He steps closer, moving his hand up your arm gently as he trails his way to your collarbone with ghost-like strokes.
"Did you know that sometimes when I'm laying in bed, all alone after a long day of controlling things, my only thoughts are about you?"
He confesses, sincerely. Dazai brings his face inches from yours, his voice now becoming a pleading whisper. His hand travels down to your waist, gripping it gently.
"Do you find it hard to believe that you bring me to my knees, the big scary Port Mafia boss? Because if so, you're a great fool! I love spending my time with you. I quite literally need you by my side in my times of need and at any random and mundane moment that passes. It brings me unimaginable joy when you nag me to get more sleep, especially when I don't listen because I can't wait to hear you say it over and over again. I don't like it when you have plans, or when you report to anyone else but me. I want you to stay with me tonight and every single night after and I don't care how awful this sounds. I don't care about you having a life outside of me."
Your throat feels tight, eyes wide at the fervor of his words alone. You reply with a shaky breath.
"Every single night after?"
"Every. Single. Night. After..."
"As if we were together?"
"We are together." He declares as if it were obvious this entire time.
Hearing Dazai be so blunt makes your mind fog over quickly, a whiplash of feelings that you never thought would ever see the light of day suddenly surface. He feels the same, realizing how much he's given away to you in such a short amount of time, but for him it's been rotting inside for years. He's been held together by the glue of your support too long not to kneel for you now. It's over for him, he's run out of masks to wear. He slowly guides your body backwards towards the opulent leather couch at the center of the room. You stop when you feel yourself backing up into the cool pebbled hide, and he slowly lowers you down onto your back with his arms supporting you. He delicately hovers over you, looking deeply into your eyes as he takes in the way your bodies feel against each other. For a moment he worries he might actually be trembling.
His breath hitches when you place a hand on the bandaged side of his face that covers his left eye. You stroke the fabric lightly, eyes twinkling with unfiltered adoration. He thinks about the only other person who's ever looked at him with such reverence, and how painful it is not to be able to tell his best friend he's in love. He leans into your touch, humming softly and closing his eyes as he molds his lips deeply into yours. It's not a kiss of sexual desire. This is a kiss born of romance and intimacy, a mutual oath of surrender. cold bandaged hands instinctively wander your body, starting at the waist down to your hips, and slowly exploring the plush of your thighs, kneading them. He runs them higher, lightly tracing your ribs with his index finger while the other hand cups your face. Dazai's mouth moves gently, and slowly pulls away from yours with a soft whine. His fingers trace your jawline as he stares at you. You taste like milk and honey. Like the moon and rain. He smiles at you, eyes sparkling like the night sky. You feel his heartbeat against your body. Every single pore of your skin is connected.
"Please— don't leave the Port Mafia, and don't leave me alone... Not tonight. Not ever. I'd become a tyrant without you."
"Is that also an order?" You murmur in between shallow breaths, dreamy eyes trained on him.
His eyes flicker over to your lips for a moment, then return to your eyes. His voice drops to something that resembles a soft whimper.
"Noo. No, it's not. I could never demand anything from you. But if you'll allow me to act selfishly, I just want to make you happy, to see you smile. I want you to keep greeting me with that tea you make every morning before our meetings. I also never want to hear you call me 'Sir' again. I am not your boss or your friend... I'm so much more than that. We've always been together. We will always be together— Is this too much?"
You shake your head, smiling uncontrollably at the way Dazai rambles in this moment, it's a side of him you've never seen in all the years you've known him. A stark contrast from the detached and cruel presence that frightens others on an almost daily basis. This seems like a person pretending to be the boss of the Port Mafia, an almost perfect imitation. You're not sure what barriers within him had to break for him to become the mushy and needy mess you see before you and what it all means in the long run, but you dismiss it for now. You get the feeling this might be the real Osamu Dazai. And that excites you.
"Never too much. I'm here and I'm staying. I would always stay."
He chuckles, it's a broken shaky laugh bordering on a sob. He buries himself in your neck, smiling against your soft skin, nibbling on it. He lightly runs his tongue against the mark he leaves, and slowly lifts his gaze to meet yours
"... I know you would. You always do."
You tilt your head, and hum in mild confusion at his odd little comment.
"Do you know something I don't?"
He flashes you a knowing smile and speaks prophetically as he lightly traces a finger over a large vein on your neck, following it down to your soft chest. He murmurs lazily while bringing his lips down to where he won't be able to get them off for the rest of the night.
"I know everything, silly.~"
The Port Mafia can wait, he's going home first.
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