#i love the interpersonal relationships in the book

[batmanisagatewaydrug]

Hello!! I hope you're doing well! Do you have any recs for books about twisted/problematic relationships but with woc? Obviously there's our queen octavia butler but unfortunately for me i've finished reading all her books so i'm desperately craving for books that scratch this itch. Thank you for this blog btw i really love reading all your thoughts & reviews ♥️

goddd okay this list is not going to be nearly as long as I wish it was but it is extreeeeemely varied, so at least we have that going for us lmao. and hopefully you find something interesting in here:

right out of the gate if you're chasing that Octavia high, Rivers Solomon's novel Sorrowland feels very very in that vein. it starts with a teenage girl escaping from a Black separatist fundie cult while heavily pregnant with the cult leader's twins, deciding to give birth to the babies in the woods and raise them there. and boy, does it get crazier from there! there are some eventual transformative body horror sci-fi elements that I shan't spoil, but it's a time. the relationships are pretty secondary and genuinely not the most fucked up thing here, but our main girlie Vern is very much into girls and trying to figure that out on top of all the other horrors.

The Hundred Thousand Kingdoms is the first book in a fantasy trilogy by specfic queen NK Jemisin, and the first book in particular is really like. problematic relationship city. the protagonist is called to be an heir to a dying emperor and IMMEDIATELY gets embroiled in a love triangle with two of the gods that her family enslaves for power??? crazy shit.

I just kicked off this year reading a book called Darknesses by Lachelle Seville, which ALSO features a young Black woman fresh out of a cult (this one loves self harm and anorexia). and then she meets another Black girl who casually drops that she's Dracula, and oh boy do things get weirder from there. this book is like kind of Not Good but it is very entertaining; at a certain point you just have to turn off your brain and go with the vibes. it's sweeter than a lot of examples but listen, obsession and bloodlust are obsession and bloodust no matter how much your gf Dracula respects consent. there's a lot of murder!

this one doesn't have any supernatural bullshit afoot and is instead just regular degular #problematic, but Raven Leilani's Luster was one of my favorite books last year and follows an absolute shitshow of a young Black woman's extremely loaded and weird relationship with her older white boyfriend and his insane wife, as well as their adopted Black daughter.

anther no magic entry: I really love Oyinkan Braithwaite's My Sister, The Serial Killer, which is about exactly what you think it's about! the narrator is a put-upon Nigerian woman whose beautiful, beloved sister has murdered her last several boyfriends and has come crying to her dutiful sister to help her clean it up each time; the plot kicks in when the murdery sister sets her sights on the narrator's boss, a doctor to whom the narrator is also attracted. I know it's a sibling relationship instead of a romantic one but you didn't specify so! I am counting it!

this one is like very very very niceys compared to everything else I'm going to put on this list but it's also pretty hot so I have to mention it: Little Rabbit by Alyssa Songsiridej is about a young, bisexual Asian-American woman struggling to get a writing career off the ground falling in love with a Notably Older and wealthier white man and figuring out how to navigate the subsequent problems both within their own interpersonal dynamic and in how their relationship is received by others.

honorary mentions: books about fucked up white women that are written by women of color who Know!!

Under the Pendulum Sun by Jeannette Ng is a Victorian alternate history in which the English discovered the fairy realm and promptly did what the English did, ie, sending missionaries to teach the fairies about Jesus. the novel follows a woman traveling to the fairy kingdom to look for her missing missionary brother and promptly going insane as fairies gaslight gatekeep girlboss from all sides, complete with a side of everyone's favorite gothic horror trope: repressed sibling incest!

My Nemesis by Charmaine Craig is another very lowkey and grounded example, comparatively, but I thought it was neat and worth a mention! it's told from the POV of truly insufferable white woman writer whose emotional affair with a philosopher gets thrown for a fucking loop by the philosopher's wife, an enigmatic Chinese woman whose motivation the MC cannot guess literally at all. it's not the most exciting read in the world but the reveals hit hard and the reveals at the end made me YELL.

also for short story collections by WOC that can bring the #yikes factor in big ways I heartily endorse Roxane Gay's Difficult Women and Carmen Maria Machado's Her Body and Other Parties.

I wish I had more to throw you here; please if anyone has something to add to this list I am LISTENING

[cozy-the-overlord]

Rereading Wicked is wild as an adult because the first time I read this book I was a ten year old child who had basically no historical context and practically no knowledge of sex and so I read it and enjoyed it but also didn’t understand anything — I hadn’t even seen the play or listened to the soundtrack at that point, I just loved the original Wizard of Oz book series so much and was really curious about Wicked, so I had basically no context for any of the sociopolitical commentary 😂 I was just there to get excited when obscure characters from the original books (but who were cut from the film) like Boq or Ozma were mentioned.

So now, rereading it and seeing all the things that went waaaaaaaay over my head as a kid is wild

[aroaessidhe]

2024 reads / storygraph

What The Woods Took

YA horror

a girl and boy are both kidnapped from their beds and taken to a wilderness program, to hike across the wilderness for 50 days with 3 other traumatised teens

when their two adult counselors are gone one morning, they aren’t sure if leaving them alone was part of the program - or if something more sinister is going on. especially when they start seeing things that cause them to turn on each other…

butch lesbian mc

[unproduciblesmackdown]

no context no details "these days ppl can't Work Through Conflicts or they don't Try hard enough & this is why Communities are broken :(" how is it meaningfully different from "look at the divorce rates Today vs in the '50s :( everyone just throws marriages away. Women aren't having Kids everyone just throws Families away"

"oh these days people can think about their experiences as Trauma or Abuse simply if they Want to :( you can't even talk to anyone anymore, if you make them uncomfortable (through no fault of your own. they're too sensitive & i'm simply always Being Normal) they'll be crying victim :(" how is this meaningfully different from "ugh how can a man talk to a coworker woman anymore or even look at her. how can men try to flirt with and date women anymore :( everythinnng's misogyny ohh harassment assault oppression because you breathed in her direction :("

[femmefaggot]

youd think i read a lot more than i do based on the everything these past couple weeks. i am NOT a fan of books except when i am. you have to decide whether i think something is good or im just kinning. went into the deep end with this one i will not lie. i barely read average sized books <3 epic war fantasy time.

[optimisticllamathing]

to be completely honest I like reading Harry Potter fanfics that have quidditch games and that is the primary reason for most of what I read in this fandom. in the main series there’s always some Plot that disrupts the games and even the canon divergent stuff continues that trend, so I read marauders fanfic, and my favorite ship? james potter and regulus black, the two characters who give the most fucks about the sport in the entire setting AND have opposite team drama. plus different positions, so writers typically describe what both of them are up to!

[daisywords]

Well I finished The Hands of The Emperor, and well it was by no means a perfect read or my personal favorite ever, I did enjoy it immensely. My main takeaway is that more books should be allowed to be really long and character focused and about retirement-age adults and have a bajillion little subplots

[gideonisms]

I love it when genuinely strange women make art. Huge fan of listening to songs by a woman who has felt out of place in every circumstance since birth and reading books by a woman whose interpersonal relationships have clearly been complicated enough to be basically indescribable with modern terminology

[lamaery]

soooo, as one sometimes does in the last few weeks I found myself foraging the swamp that is ao3, my mind finding relaxation in how the light reflects prettily on the murky depths. There is just something fascinating about churning through iteration upon iteration of similar stories and varying interpretations of the same characters. The Harry Potter books get a bad rep these days, understandably connected to the horrid influence their author had on the ugly transphobia in our society. And the books themselves are definitely not beyond critique in many ways. Nevertheless there is a lot stuff about them that's fun and so I enjoy to see what people take and twist and extrapolate into their own versions of the world and the characters. Also because I've been up to my neck in a job, I haven't done a sketch dump in ages. At last, this Fanfic broke the dam Cauldron Full of Hot, Strong Love by @aibidil I liked it, since the fic features PoVs for all four of the main characters (each of them gets a chapter), which was refreshing and it gave all of their interpersonal relationships a lovely depth. Also it effectively weaves in muggle things and current topics with the world and characters. And it just managed to be extremely funny and endearing, despite the heavy topics which are discussed in it.

So please excuse my little indulgence here. I'll be back to whatever counts as my regular stuff here... (god, I hope I manage to get back to Stormlight this autumn *winks in Inktober*)

also any fic that gives the due diligence to the best character of the series does something right in my book. Drinks with Min! Indeed!

[qweerhet]

the tired and repetitive discourse over age gaps in romantic/sexual relationships always feels like gamifying spotting abuse whenever i encounter it. "the Abuser is a creature that does This Action and has These Attributes" like we're talking about identifying birds or some shit. the reality is that abuse is a qualitative distinction of harm, mainly consisting of recurring and systematic abuse of power--social, legal, financial--over another person, and it can happen in any situation where a party has enforceable power. it isn't an inherent trait of a person, it's a trait of a relationship, it doesn't occur due to ontological facts about someone's personhood and someone can simultaneously have both abusive and healthy relationships.

"the Abuser is a Man who is 45 Years Old and sleeps with anyone under 30" does this make you feel safe? do you feel secure in your ability to recognize a predator by their feather coloration? do you feel superior to those who don't have your birdwatching book? does it comfort you to go down a checklist of individual traits and assign the ontological label to anyone who racks up enough points?

the reality is that assessing abuse requires assessing the material reality of any given relationship, and there's like... patterns in dynamics that more easily give rise to abuse (i.e. if you have legal authority over someone, it's so difficult for that not to become abusive in the context of an intimate interpersonal relationship), but quite frankly assigning ontological qualities of Abuser to individual people's traits commonly found in those dynamics like they're pokemon types is. counterproductive, i'll say that kindly. it blinds you to the reality of abuse and it blinds you to the reality of people you love and enjoy the company of and have genuinely healthy relationships with being capable of abuse. it blinds you to how your best friend, who's emotionally intelligent and self-aware and kind, who has none of the Abuser Qualities, can be abusive towards someone who's the same age, gender, set of marginalized identities as them, simply because they're letting that person crash on their couch and not being cognizant of how control over housing puts them in a position of power over that person. how they can be kind and trying very hard in that situation, how they can not have a malicious bone in their body, but still are committing abuse because they're not acting with the awareness that they have material power they simply Do Have.

[topazadine]

How to Kick Ass at Worldbuilding

Worldbuilding. You either love it and spend all your time dreaming up rules rather than writing, or you hate it and try your best to avoid it despite writing fantasy or scifi.

Or you are in the middle, which is where you should be. You have a healthy appreciation for what makes worldbuilding so special, but you also don't obsess over it.

Worldbuilding does not need to be complicated to be effective, as I've harped on a few different times now. So how do you strike the right balance? Let's take a look.

As always, this is just my opinion based on my own efforts creating The Eirenic Verses. You can disagree and that is fine. However, I hope you'll consider thinking about what I offer here as you craft your own world.

A lot of what people focus on when worldbuilding is not what the audience cares about.

Very few people like to read a book littered with random terms they have to keep track of. We want to build a unique world, but we also don't want to throw such an extreme amount of lore at our readers that they tune out.

When worldbuilding, we want to consider the cognitive load on our audience. This is how much information the reader needs to remember throughout your story so that they can follow along.

Cognitive load includes things like:

Character names and appearances

Relationships between characters

Place names, such as cities and countries

Unique mythological creature or fauna

Backstory, including mythology and folklore

Language names

The general plot (who is the protag, who is the enemy, etc)

Magic usage (who has the power, how they acquire it, any conditions it comes with, etc)

Power dynamics between characters, countries, and so on

Political systems, if included

Even in the most barebones fantasy story, this is a lot to remember. As such, we need to consider what is most important for our readers to generally understand the plot and emphasize this, letting the rest serve as background information that is not quite as essential. The more emphasis we put on something, the more we direct a reader's attention.

At the same time, we want to create a world that feels lived-in and interesting so that readers want to know more. How do we do this?

Consider what you think about foreign countries in our world.

Most of us will have a general concept of a country but only will think about the specifics if it is currently relevant.

Let's take Japan for an example. (I'm a bit of a weeabo, okay?) Here is what I personally think about when I imagine Japan, in order of what I consider important.

Japanese cuisine (sushi, ramen, ochazuke, sake, lots of rice dishes, seafood)

What the people are like according to my own stereotypes/cultural perceptions (polite, quiet, respectful, hardworking, punctual)

Climate and geography (temperate, island country, volcanos, mountains, beaches)

Unique flora and fauna (cherry blossoms, flowers, Nara deer, giant salamanders, pretty birds)

General landmarks, but not necessarily specifics (castles, temples, busy cities, red bridges, torii gates)

Clothing styles (kimonos, school uniforms, business suits, kawaii fashion)

Cultural icons (samurai swords, samurai armor, Shinto shrines)

General overview of the history (samurai, daimyo, feudal system, bushido, Meiji restoration)

Language, but not necessarily specifics of the language (Japanese, kanji, hiragana)

Religion (Buddhism and Shintoism)

Folklore (ghosts, kami, tsukumogami, evil spirits)

Any festivals I might know of (cherry blossom festivals, moon viewings, Obon)

Your own list may have these in a slightly different order, but it's probably what you most think about.

Notice that you will likely not think about these things:

Political system

Specifics of the language

Interpersonal hierarchies

International relations

Specific landmarks

Specific historical events

Famous figures

So why do we think like this? Because in real life, we also have a cognitive load that we must balance with things that are more relevant to our everyday lives.

If I tried to memorize specific details of every country in the world, I would go insane. I have better things to do, so I create a general image of a country based on pictures I've seen, people I've met, food I've eaten, and so on. You do the same thing.

To be realistic, you do not need to be specific. You need to approach worldbuilding the same way people generate their world knowledge: basic concepts and visual imagery.

What to emphasize in worldbuilding

So let's break this down on what you want to think about when creating a world.

Food is one of the most accessible elements of a culture.

Food is how many people learn about different cultures for a simple reason: if you have the ingredients, you can cook food from anywhere. You don't need to be introduced to it by a native of that culture.

Plus, humans tend to like food. We kind of need it to exist.

Think about these things when considering national cuisines and eating habits of your fantasy world:

Do they have spicy food? Bland food? Heavy hearty dishes?

Is most food served hot or cold?

What kind of spices and vegetables do they use? Root vegetables, beans, cinnamon? Salt?

What type of meat do people eat (if any)? Seafood, poultry, beef, pork?

How is bread prepared? What is it made of? (Look, nearly every culture has some sort of bread, we love carbs)

What about pasta? Does that exist here?

Are desserts important? What are they made of?

What kinds of drinks do they have? Coffee, tea, milk, lemon water?

Is alcohol a thing? What kind of alcohol? How often do people drink? Are there bars?

How often do people eat, and when? Do they have the typical three square meals, or do people eat kinda whenever they feel like it?

Do people prepare food at home or are there restaurants?

Are communal dinners common?

Cultural stereotypes provide tension and can help craft your characters.

Are people in your culture known for their boldness? Their cunning? Their resilience? Their standoffishness? Their fiery tongues, or their passive-aggressive jabs?

You can play with a lot of this, either confirming or denying the assumptions through your characters.

Landscape gives us an idea of where we are and what to expect.

Landscapes are some of my favorite aspects of worldbuilding rather than intricate magic systems and political concepts. Readers get a good sense of environment when you focus in on landscape and how it impacts the characters. You can also build a culture off your landscape, such as how certain geographic features may influence peoples' attitudes and lifestyles.

For example, a coastal landscape will have beautiful views of the ocean, sparkling beaches, and maybe tall cliffs. Being a fisherman may be seen as an honorable but dangerous profession. People might cliff dive for fun.

Mountainous areas may produce cultural enclaves, especially in a fantasy setting where everyone is more isolated. One mountain town may have a completely different vibe than the town over.

Flat, wide-open plains mean people can spread out, but since moving from one place to another is easier, there may be a more cohesive culture.

An area with caves will have a sense of mystery and fear; there may be a lot of superstitions about the caves.

A swampy area can also be very mysterious as there are so many places to hide out and a lot of dangerous animals.

Climate influences how people behave.

Hot climates make people need to conserve energy, so they may take afternoon naps in the worst of the heat. They might value relaxation and calm over industry and productivity because bro, have you ever tried to even walk outside in the Florida heat? Shut up and get me air conditioning.

Cold climates make people need to stay active to stay warm, but they can also produce a sense of isolation. Think about how outdoorsy the Finnish are but how they looove their personal space.

Temperate climates are probably a bit more even-tempered, but as weather changes get more extreme, people will vary their behaviors based on the seasons: spending more time outdoors during summer but holing up during winter. The culture may emphasize hospitality because people need to rely on one another to survive, and they have time to meet their neighbors during the summer.

I am very partial to temperate climates, being from the American Midwest. We're known for being nice and hardy people. You should come visit.

Flora and fauna help the world feel real.

When I worldbuild, I often base my cultures on a real place and what kinds of animals or plants are there. For example, Breme is based on Mongolia so I have herbivores, big raptors, and a lot of grasses.

A warm climate will have lots of reptiles. Sea life will be important in a coastal area. Swamps might have big predators. Mountains will have hardy creatures that can climb. A savannah area will have huge herbivores and fast, hungry predators.

General cityscapes or villages are great for providing a sense of place.

Do people build low spread-out cities or tall rickety homes? What kinds of building materials do they use? Are there lots of markets, bars, apocetharies, temples or churches? What do homes look like here? What are any unique architectural features?

This gives a sense that we are in a different but specific world that has a rich culture.

Clothing tells us what people prioritize.

Cold places will have lots of layers. Hot places will have soft draping outfits or very skimpy outfits. Natural materials that are easily available will make up the majority of the clothing in a fantasy setting. You wouldn't have people wearing cotton in a place that doesn't grow cotton. If there are lots of sheep, people will wear wool. If there's lots of cattle, people will wear leather.

You can also think about adornment. Is jewelry common? What type? Why is it important? Is it a status symbol, a way to keep wealth, or perhaps ways to honor ancestors?

Cultural icons demonstrate what the society values.

A warlike culture will prioritize weaponry. A pacifist culture will think about art and music. A nomadic culture may have a rich oral tradition. An agrarian society will emphasize farming rituals.

Think of a few things that symbolize your society, whether that's musical instruments, weaponry, textiles, statues, or jewelry. Consider how those traditions could have come about and why.

Folklore and mythology offer an offbeat but important sense of history.

Folklore is often tied up with many other factors of a society, such as their religion, landscape, history, and overall values.

For example, the Japanese believe items survive for over a century gain a kami, or spiritual essence. This shows that the Japanese cherish their long history and their material culture, and it also infuses their Shinto belief into folklore.

You can also think about cryptids or ghost stories. Isolated and difficult terrain often makes people think of monsters lurking in the woods. Areas with lots of caves will have myths about what is down there. Coastal areas develop myths about ghost ships.

Idioms, turns of phrase, and gestural quirks tell us more about the culture without overwhelming readers.

This one can be more challenging (I haven't done much with it) but if you can manage it, you'll have a very rewarding story.

I'm not talking about making a whole new language here, but rather about idioms and turns of phrase. Think about all the fun idioms that English has, like "beating around the bush" or "break a leg." Without cultural context, you can't understand them, so you'll have to incorporate an explanation without actually stating it.

For example, you can have a character say "the horses are running fast" as they look out the window to see a sheet of rain. We can guess from this that the idiom is rain = horses, so lots of rain = fast horses. We'll understand from this that this culture probably loves horses; maybe they're a formerly nomadic race.

Gestures, like whether people give thumbs-up, point with their index, or bow with their hands to their chest all give us a feeling of the culture without being overwhelming.

What not to emphasize

Now that we've gone through some things to focus on, let's talk about what you don't need to make up for your world.

A whole-cloth language

Please, you don't need to create brand new words for things that exist in our world. You can reference a language, but do not make people memorize nouns they don't need.

Don't even make up the language at all. Say there's a language and then write the rest of it in English.

Made-up languages are irritating for readers because they want to focus on the characters and plot, not mysterious words they need to translate.

It's possible to make languages interesting without going into specifics. For example, the Bas-Lag trilogy by China Mieville has a species that communicates in clicks but the species can also learn human languages if necessary. There's a language called Salt that's basically the common tongue blended from everything else.

Do we need to know how Salt works? No. Doesn't matter. We're told someone is talking in Salt, or they're learning it, or they switch to it when meeting someone from a different culture. That's plenty.

Specifics of a magic system

You're not going to instantly summon up all the rules of magical realms when you visit a new country; you might not even know them. And your readers won't be too interested in them either.

For example, in The Eirenic Verses, I have High Poetry. Readers will come to know that this was a magical system where certain people given the power can recite a poem and whatever they speak comes true. Every poem can only be used once.

It was given by the goddess Poesy to a specific woman, Saint Luridalr. It was so successful that the goddess started giving it to more women and a whole religious system arose.

I don't need to explain exactly how it works because no one cares. Someone makes things happen by coming up with a poem: that's about it. We don't need to question whether certain rhyme schemes or meter or punctuation impacts anything. That's too technical.

If you've got pages and pages of notes on all the intricacies of the magical system, you have too much. Pare it down.

Political systems

Unless you're writing a fantasy where politics are absolutely critical to the plot, you can just reference the political system in passing and maybe elucidate a few key elements, like who the leader is, how power is transferred, etc. You don't need to go into all the specifics because most people are not going to care.

Hierarchies

Please don't lay out the entirety of an army's ranking system or how someone is promoted. Make up something consistent and stick with it, but don't go into exhaustive detail. People aren't going to sit and question whether a captain is above a lieutenant or how long it takes to become a general.

We'll know that a general is a big deal if the characters make it a big deal. We'll know who the head of the army is but we don't need to know how they got to that position.

Exact city layouts

You do not need to tell us where everything is in relation to one another. Tell us characters are moving from one landmark to another. You could say "this is across a bridge, this is up in the mountains, these buildings are right next to one another, these two buildings are in opposite ends of the city." That's plenty.

If somewhere is very far away, just show them travelling there and how long it takes. You don't need to measure it in miles or leagues or whatever. We will guess that if it takes them a week to walk there, it's pretty distant.

Economic systems

We just need the basics here: mercantile, capitalist, bartering, etc. We don't need to know if the coinage is pegged to a certain precious metal or if people invest their money or how people are paid. That's boring.

In my world, I have two currencies: quillim for Breme and barnals for Sina. What's the exchange rate? I don't know and don't care. How much is one quillim worth? One quillim is not a lot but 2,500 quillim is. How much is the average person paid? Doesn't matter. Do people keep lots of coins on them? No one is asking that. It's not important.

Transit systems

Tells us if the roads are cramped, spread out, nonexistent, poorly maintained. Tell us if there are road blocks or toll booths. Tell us if there are roving bandits. The more physical and sensory you can get, the more real it feels.

Few people care about the specifics of even their own transportation system. I know highways are fast, I know tollroads are expensive, I know parkways are pretty, I know some cities have weird turnabouts and dead ends. That's exactly what I need and what I care about.

That's what I've got for you today. If you liked this, maybe you'll consider checking out The Eirenic Verses series, which follows most of these principles.

I've been told that my fantasy writing is very approachable, even for those who don't usually like fantasy, specifically because I don't get too insane with my worldbuilding. So maybe you'll enjoy it too!

[blessphemy]

I love Thiago so much he’s so fun. Problem Human Of The Week, but unlike your usual Problem Human, Murderbot wants to like him and it wants him to like it. and therein is the tension. otherwise it could just write him off as just another irritating disappointing client who causes issues and doesn’t listen and thinks negatively of SecUnits.

he’s part of the Network Effect™️ of human relationships! Ok! he’s an example of of Murderbot’s more mundane challenges re: social/society integration, the very typical challenges involved with like. professionalism. family dynamics. etc. and the issues between Thiago and Murderbot are very much these more mundane issues, like “I don’t trust your security calls because I don’t trust the culture that gave rise to you and put guns in your arms and I don’t like how anxious Mensah is and I think you’re contributing to her anxiety.” as opposed to “yikes SecUnits scary.” which tbh I don’t get the sense is really on Thiago’s radar. he’s like so sheltered that SecUnits aren’t part of his experiences really.

and yeah he fucks up at the start of the book but he learns also? he listens to Murderbot when they talk it out later and reconsiders his opinions when new information comes up about the danger Mensah was in? and by the end of the book he’s fully advocating to protect Murderbot from people crowding it and pushing Feelings Talk on it while it is fucked up (rescued after squashed by ag-bot and strung up in alien pit etc). I mean he’s overridden by Ratthi who is a level 10 Murderbot Friend who understands that this Feelings Moment (letting MB know just how much ART and everyone care about it and went to rescue it specifically because he knows Murderbot has Emotional Issues and could benefit from a reminder that everyone really cares about it). But like Thiago had the spirit. He was just level 1 or 2 at this stage.

that’s character and relationship Growth! Thiago is not #1 man (Ratthi is #1 man) but he’s an important part of the team and he’s got his own hangups and idiosyncrasies and willing to learn and grow.

me seeing fictional characters navigate interpersonal drama like adults: now this is the real escapist fantasy. oh also sick killware clone baby.

[max1461]

I guess I just feel like nobody appreciates physical things enough. Like, there's your concept people, right, your concept lovers who think about everything as a concept. Like what if everything was Geist from Hegel, or what if everything Bayes Theorem from math book, and so on. Your concept lover. And then you've got your drama lovers where everything is drama. Like everything is, you know, individuals, characters. There's this guy and that guy and what do they think, how do they feel about each other? And this guy said to that guy blah blah and then he said to the other guy blah blah blah and was that fair? Was it right? Or should he have told the first guy first that's drama, that's monkey business, you know, chimps, they love that shit, good thing we don't usually tear each others limbs off like the chimps do.

Well so I think concepts are important, and I think interpersonal relationships are important. I mean I'm a human, I'm a chimp with a math brain, I'm a zoon politikon. I think about concepts and relationships all the time. Two of the most important types of thing to me for sure!

But I do feel like the culture at large has insufficient appreciation for objects. You know, things, specific things, that you can hold, feel, do this and that with. Objects. It's like crass or something to be into objects as such. But objects are great! I spend so much of my life dealing with objects, you know, and I like it. I'm happier when I'm dealing with a good object and less happy when I'm dealing with a bad one. I like natural objects and man-made objects, all kinds of objects, and I think objects are important. Too many have forgotten the joys and virtues of objects. You know, internet lives are not lacking in concepts nor in drama, but they are lacking in objects. I think this is what touch grass is about. I think it's desirable to spend time physically interacting with the world, you know, everyone should spend more time doing objects.

[logarithmicpanda]

The Burnished City (Davinia Evans)

I feel like this series is so, so underrated! I have to say, it's just shy of being truly great but it is one of the most solid fantasy series I read in the past few years, consistently good. I rated the first two books 8.25/10 each, which is why they didn't appear in my "best of" lists but the series is worth its own separate review!

Also prefacing this by saying my expectations going in were entirely wrong. I somehow thought this was going to be a YA fantasy regency romance (in the same vibe as Half a Soul) but it is not that. At all xD if anything, it's adult high fantasy in a byzantine inspired setting. We follow three protagonists: Siyon, from the lower city, who is desperately trying to claw his way into the ranks of the alchemists, and Zagiri and Anahid, two sisters from the higher class who each find the restraints of high society grating in their own ways.

The most notable feature of the first book, Notorious Sorcerer, was its total lack of desire for hand holding. You're thrown into the story, and you pick the Worldbuilding up as you go, which is something I love and miss in so many fantasy books these days, but might be an obstacle for other readers who expect it to be YA. That being said, the inner workings of alchemy are left rather confusing, though I'm willing to forgive that for the sheer coolness of how the magic feels in this series haha

Without going too deep into the plot, I found each tome to have its own, separate narrative arc, while also making an overarching thread move forward. Each of the book also focuses a bit more on the arc of one of our three protagonists. The story always takes its time to unfold, but I enjoyed the balance of tension and the general atmosphere of the series. The plot managed to surprise me each time, while remaining foreshadowed in hindsight

Finally, the romance aspect of the book is truly understated. Relationships unfold subtly (and to be honest I would have loved a bit more payoff on that front) but the true depth is really in the interpersonal relationships between the protagonists and the rest of the cast, not so much as the romances. With that being said, the world of the Burnished City is queer normative in a way that feels refreshing in high fantasy (which usually tends to deal with the topic very grimly or not at all)

The last installment of the series delivers a solid and satisfying conclusion, and I will definitely keep an eye on the author's future endeavors 👀

Rounding up to 8.5/10 for the series because it is just consistently good!!

[iridessence]

I would like to take a moment to acknowledge myself and say that I am elated and proud to have manifested some of my major goals since 2018-2019. Basically before then, 2014-16 I struggled with depression and suicidal ideation quite frequently due to not having steady income, as jobs in retail seemed the only available and “safe” options, but long shifts standing at a registers or posts were damagingly hard on my body. In 2017 I got a desk job that set me on the path of financial stability and reduced physical load, which did absolute wonders for my mental health but it was an absolute blight to my existence over time due to terrible management and the usual corporate garbage. I knew that staying there was fine for a time but not sustainable in the long run, so change must come eventually.

also around then, I continued to explore self portraiture and personal style but I really wanted to perform/create Burlesque acts and book them, and invest in and actually have choreography/technique and beautiful costume pieces that looked like the visions refining themselves in my head through research. I was also perpetually struggling in the dating sphere with the deficit of romantic fulfillment that I deeply wanted. and while they weren’t hostile, things were definitely weird with my family (dysfunctional, literal small town energy, upset that I didn’t want to be around them more in the suburbs but lots of interpersonal toxicity and lack of emotional growth).

I knew that in the coming years I wanted to…

quit my soul sucking job and set out to be a full-time or at least professional level burlesque performer, creating the qualitative and classic show girl acts I dream to see on stage

work on the floor at a boutique or mom-and-pop type shop that sells goods or services that are interesting to me, especially aesthetically, such as an antique shop or a jewelry boutique etc., but a place where I could sit intermittently as needed for my physical disability. Also, ideally it would be a position where I could express myself through style at my choosing and it would be received well, and also my hours would not be very early or very late.

find a loving and supporting partner who I could lavish equal amounts of love and support on to, live with and hopefully marry

Achieve/maintain financial stability enough that I have a reduced risk for homelessness and sometimes treat myself to things that I enjoy.

Figure out why the relationship with my family was such a struggle and do things within my power and desire to fix it.

In a world that isn’t a corporate machine devoid of empathy, none of that seems like a tall order to ask… but I live in America so… It took some time, but I’m starting to see the fruits and returns. Honestly sometimes things feel like a blur and I’m not exactly sure I could say there was a huge system to what I did overtime to make it work, but I know the work was there.

As of today, September 9, 2023:

I am a respected professional burlesque performer with costumes I figuratively gag over and acts that come closer and closer to hitting the aesthetic nail on the head for what I want to embody. (I quit that shitty desk job at the beginning of 2019 and haven’t looked back since. Sent a whole ass company wide message with a long and detailed “fuck you” too.😂🙈)

i’ve managed through burlesque, social media work, donations and savings, and —since the global pandemic—,odd jobs and grants/minimal loans, to continuously pay rent and ward off homelessness 

I live with the love of my life, to whom I am engaged and actively planning our wedding (we looked at a venue yesterday!)

I’ve helped my mom on the growth of her emotional intelligence and commitment to learning more about values under the race, gender, and sexuality umbrella, as well pushed her to examine the enabling and entitlement dynamics with her adult children that take advantage of her. While my relationship with my brother and sister is not great, my relationship with my mom has been steadily getting better since the pandemic. we had a breakthrough at the beginning of this year where she acknowledged and apologized for guilt tripping me for not being around the family more, when I was (she quoted) “actually protecting myself like she should have been.”

and litcherally within the past week I was offered the job at a local boutique I interviewed with a year ago and didn’t get, and I signed an offer letter to begin work within the month. 

To say I’m happy with the way things look right now is an understatement. The world still terrifies me, but I have no choice but to carve out a sliver of its beautiful experiences for myself, and I am doing just that. It may not be perfection, but it’s pretty damn good and I’m going to do everything in my power to keep it that way and make it even better. I am living my ancestors' wildest dreams!!

for anyone reading who might be struggling right now to make things work, I hope you hold on to hope that it can get better. A beautiful life is possible even on this hell scape, even for the marginalized.

[sugarushwriting]

“don’t blame me, love made me crazy.”

“looks like an angel while sleeping.”

just a little jay drabble/oneshot. different than my usual writing.

not proof read.

trigger warnings:

obsession: the state of being obsessed with someone or something.

stalking: stalkers use a variety of tactics, including (but not limited to): unwanted contact including phone calls, texts, and contact via social media, unwanted gifts, showing up/approaching an individual or their family/friends, monitoring, surveillance, property damage, and threats.

voyeurism: voyeuristic behavior is when someone derives sexual gratification from secretly watching others undress or engage in sexual activities. voyeurs are also known as "peeping toms"

₍ᐢ. .ᐢ₎ ₊˚⊹♡

every where you were, jay was there too.

a coffee shop, main library on campus. any cafeteria or food center on campus. anywhere and almost everywhere.

it didn’t matter how many different options were available, you both always ended up at the same place at the same time.

yet you both only had 3 classes together on campus.

philosophy intro to logic, abnormal psychology and interpersonal communications.

“will you be okay?” you friend asked with extreme concern.

“yes, i will be okay, ryunjin.” you reassured.

she was worried because for your abnormal psychology class you were partnered with jay for project.

“maybe yall should study him, because he’s definitely abnormal.” ryunjin whispered.

you playfully swatted her arm. “jay told me to meet him on the fourth floor.”

“why the top floor? so no one can hear you scream?”

“it’s the quiet floor and that’s where he reserved a study room for us.” you said. “please stop being like that!” you huffed.

ryunjin rolled her eyes but went to the second floor where her other friends were as you rode up the elevator to the fourth floor.

you were the one to actually suggest the fourth floor and jay reserved a room for you both based on that suggestion.

getting off the elevator, you found the study room off to the corner with ease, seeing jay set out needed materials on the table.

when he saw you enter he smiled. “oh hey!”

you smiled and waved. “hey jay. ready to get this project knocked out?”

he laughed, “absolutely, but it should be fun. abnormal psychology is one of my favorite subjects.”

“mine too.” you smiled.

︶꒦꒷♡꒷꒦︶

almost an hour later, you both decided on the topic of how personality disorders impact intrapersonal relationships.

you had actually suggested the topic on obsessive sexual fascinations like fetishism, voyeruism, and exhibitionsim, however, jay wasn’t too sure that would even get approved by the professor.

“why not?” you had asked. “is it not a part of abnormal psychology and human behavior?”

“it is but—,”

“you’re not comfortable, it’s okay.” you teased.

ryunjin would probably say it’s because it would mean studying his pattern of behaviors and people don’t like when they get caught.

during the next hour you both jotted down some ideas and found a few psychology papers and articles you all could use.

“we would also need to make sure we find examples.” jay said. “like in movies, shows, plays, things like that.”

“sounds like an easy task! we could use the movies like scream, when a stranger calls, or even—,”

jay chuckled. “and how do these movies relate to our topic?”

“are you kidding,” you laughed with a chuckle, “those people were cray cray. they had to have some kind of personality disorder. sure i can find out with some research.”

“when’s the next time you’re available to work on the project?” jay asked as you both started packing your belongings.

“i am pretty open. i don’t do much but hang around friends or stick to myself.” you shrugged. “how about tomorrow?”

“that’s fine. but i think we’ll have to find a new spot, if i remember correctly the library study rooms are booked up.”

“that’s okay, since we need somewhere private, maybe mine or your apartments?” you suggested, putting your bag over your shoulder.

jay nodded. “either is fine.” he smiled.

“we can do my place! i have plenty of snacks.”

︶꒦꒷♡꒷꒦︶

“are you insane?” ryunjin scolded you. “that guy is is messed up in the head, you know he’s stalking you, yet you invite him to your place? what are you, crazy yourself?”

it was the next day, and you were telling ryunjin your plans with jay to work on the project at your place while you both stopped by a coffee shop earlier in the morning.

“he asked for my address.” you stated.

“of course he did! he can’t get caught.” ryunjin narrowed her eyes at you. you rolled yours, and walked out the coffee shop, her right behind you.

“you know i am just looking out for you, right?” ryunjin sighed. “i mean, you’ve told me how you been finding flowers at your doorstep, and jay would randomly pop up where you are, almost everywhere, you were.”

“i could be overreacting.”

ryunjin scoffed. “oh now you say you’re overreacting? babe, a stalker is a stalker.”

“i actually never said he was a stalker.” you defending, back tracking.

“you legit told me, ‘ryunjin, jay from my class is stalking me!’”

“i don’t recall.” you shrugged it off.

you did recall.

you remember telling ryunjin how flowers were showing up at your door step, the same flowers from a flower shop jay worked at over the summer.

you remember telling ryunjin how anytime you were at the mall, you saw jay there and he would be staring at you wide-eyed, then quickly walk away.

same at any coffee shop, cafeterias on campus and so forth.

you remember telling ryunjin how you always felt someone was watching you as you undressed.

later that evening you prepared a variety of snacks for jay, and spread out all materials that would be needed for the project.

he had texted you and stated he would be at your place by 7:00 pm.

it was 7:05 pm and you got worried, negative thoughts clouding your mind. was he hurt? did he forget? did he stand you up?

at 7:10 pm a knock came to your door, and you giddily got up from your spot on the floor in front of the coffee table and took big strides to open the door.

you opened seeing jay with a smile. “sorry i’m a bit late. uh, something popped up.”

“oh no, is everything okay?” you asked with concern.

jay seemed frazzled and out of sorts than how he usually presents himself or how you see him.

jay shook his head, “i’m good. just probably all in my head.”

“great, let’s get to work!”

you invited jay in your apartment, showing him were you set up the coffee table for working on the project.

“wow you really do have a lot of snacks!” he chuckled. he picked up a few, “and many are my favorite?” this came out more as a question and surprise, his eyebrows raising cutely.

“really? they’re my favorite too!” you giggled. “should we get started? i have a few personality disorders we can explore.”

“sure! what are some you have in mind?”

“well i was researching,” you began, and took a seat on the floor and jay did the same. “some personality disorders that can affect relationships and communication include antisocial personality disorder, borderline personality disorders, histrionic personality disorders and narcissistic personality disorders.” you listed with a smile. “but those are just cluster b that i think have the highest affects.”

“you seem to know a lot about personality disorders?” jay chuckled.

“i should, it’s an interest of mine. like i mentioned, abnormal psychology is one of my favorite subjects. i would love to work with populations most wouldn’t.”

“like who?” jay asked as you piped his interest.

“serial killers, stalkers, criminals, people like them.”

jay nearly choked on his own spit. “why is that?”

you smirked and your hand landed on his shoulder. he looked at your hand nervously, “i just think most are misunderstood.” you smiled widely. “i also just believe the way they think is so interesting and unbelievable.”

jay watched you talk about your passion with not only interest but something more. maybe he was looking at you strangely? looking at you with concern?

“well, this project should be breeze then.” he laughed nervously. he was more than ready to leave.

as you all continued to work on the project at a good pace, you and jay couldn’t help but still glances at one another.

two and half hours later, jay stood with a stretch, “it’s getting late, i should go.” he stated. “thank you for the snacks.”

he started packing up his things, as you began cleaning up a little. once his backpack strap was over his shoulder, he looked into your kitchen seeing a vase of flowers, a tag that clearly showed it was from the flower shop he worked at over the summer.

jay got nervous and fearful. he quickly adverted his gaze before you caught him looking. but unknown to him, you saw him out of the corner of your eye looking at the flowers, but you decided to keep quiet about it.

“so, i’ll see you tomorrow?” you asked hopeful.

jay’s voice shook with nerves, “um, i’ll text you. i forgot i have something planned with my friends tomorrow.” he smiled politely, but quickly bid goodbye and left your apartment.

︶꒦꒷♡꒷꒦︶

jay laid in bed after showering wide awake for a while. his nerves had gotten the better of him.

you had showered and put on some comfy clothes to enjoy your favorite show after jay left.

jay soon fell asleep, and one thing about jay was he was a heavy sleeper. almost nothing could wake him up so easily. his friends would tease him about it, but it was just who he was.

you weren’t a heavy sleeper on the other hand. which is why to every small noise you would awake, or had almost a third sense of being over cautionary fearful someone was always watching.

the flowers in the trash looked at you almost mockingly, and you closed your fist so tight, your nails were sure to dig into your knuckles.

such an angel while sleeping. so peaceful.

yes jay was. you smiled lovingly looking down at him as you watched him from his doorway as he slept soundly. you stepped quietly closer to him to get as close as possible, when you took out your polaroid camera.

after watching your favorite show which starred jay, him getting undressed and redressed, you were hot and bothered and couldn’t wait until you could finally make your move.

but it would take time. he wouldn’t understand you, or your habits, or how your brain worked.

you could see he was judging you earlier about the way you spoke about your passion.

but he would come around. he had to.

you knew he got stumbled by the flowers in your apartment. if he questioned, you would’ve just waved it off as a coincidence you got it for yourself, or maybe tell him you had a secret admirer to see if he would get jealous.

would he? you had a feeling he would be the jealous and possessive type of what belongs to him.

you sure were. possessive, jealous, of any girl that he talked to. he didn’t know better, but those women should! you thought, they couldn’t compare to you anyway.

when it came to your tactics, you had to be careful. you didn’t want to scare him off too soon. so this project was a great way to wiggle yourself into his bubble.

you fantasized so much about your future with jay. it blurred the line between fact and fictitious, and you were so deep into the obsession, you didn’t understand or even see the line anymore.

you didn’t want to blackmail him—not yet. the flowers were enough for now.

your love for jay made you crazy.

no one could blame you. that’s just how love was, right?

“don’t blame me.” you whispered to jay as you ran your fingers lightly through his hair with a smile.

₍ᐢ. .ᐢ₎ ₊˚⊹♡