#i love the idea of them just keeping their normal mindset despite it all

[the-travelling-witch]

au where yuu is originally from a pokémon region, so when crowley goes “you’re our beast tamer now” they just shrug and think to themselves “alright, unconventional name but business as usual i guess” until they realise there are no pokémon here

yuu throwing a pokéball at overblot riddle and watching it bounce off: …

riddle: …

ace, deuce, cater, trey: …

yuu: see normally this solves like 99% of my problems, so idk what you want me to do here… grim, use flamethrower

[thurio-edau]

SBG GANG MENTAL ANALYSIS

yup, him for part two. funny thing despite Aiden being my favourite character I'm most excited for the other three posts I'll make, especially the last one. there's a lot to unpack here so

also im writing this with a migraine pls read it-

Part 2: Aiden Clark

ah, yes. the obviously-mentally-ill from the start fan favourite Aiden Clark. let's go.

first, I want to start with something I find really important about his character, what makes him heavily mischaracterized in the fandom. the 'psychopath' cliche.

the terms 'psychopath', 'insane' and 'unstable' are often confused with each other due to media stereotypes, such as Aiden here. one, he is not a psychopath. psychopath literally means a self-centered person who lacks sympathy, affection and care; making them far from most other characters in their franchise. their lack of sympathy/empathy often makes them criminalized, here

disturbing content warning, for an example of a psychopath.

let's take Gressil from Homesick for example since a lot of SBG readers also read Homesick. so, here, Gressil is a perfect example of an actual psychopath. his lack of empathy makes him torment others, he's very self-centered. and when asked why he's doing this? he says he was bored. let's look at Aiden here. what does Aiden do when bored? probably dumb ideas or annoy Tyler. not torturing people for fun. Aiden is just a boy who likes thrills, but he has a sense of empathy, care and justice.

you wanna see a psychopathic Aiden?? the canvas is it

(our local Logan hater is publishing the canvas eps go checc beachy out)

but that's him, not our Aiden. canvas does not equal originals y'all

alright, now since we got that cleared out!! firstly, ADHD.

I think everyone in the fandom is already aware that Aiden is ADHD but I'm still going to talk about it just like Ashlyn's autism. Red has also said that she wrote Aiden with ADHD in mind but hadn't canonically confirmed anyone as neurodivergent. let's start with the main symptoms of ADHD, also known as Attention Decifit and Hyperactivity Disorder.

I know about 5 different ADHD people myself and did some research, it probably won't be extremely accurate since I'm not ADHD myself, but I'll try to do whatever I can. first with the AD part, Attention Decifit.

now as seen, he doesn't exactly have any problems with theorizing itself. but the problem is that his attention just goes away easily.

i mean cmon bro was making memes on the job

he tries to do work, but can't. he has a low attention span which makes him not able to concentrate. he can't keep it up for long, he'll get distracted or bored too easily about things that doesn't interest in specially.

it's just distracting. what his attention is on constantly changes, there's more to that after the ADHD part but we're here for now.

the hyperactivity... it's a lot more apparent. but I should explain the insane-unstable thing before that.

insane means that someone's mental health is not in an okay situation, where it prevents the person from thinking normally, acting rationally, very often found together with delusions. the person is seriously mentally ill where it might count as a disability.

unstable, however, where someone is prone to psychiatric problems, has moodswings etc. they're not exactly the most sane person, but they aren't insane either. Aiden here, obviously falls on the unstable side. maybe just a little bit insane if you squint. this will be brought up later too, but it mixed well with his hyperactivity too.

and as we all know, our boy isn't exactly the most stable person. (sorry for the collages, but since there is a tumblr picture limit i have to keep on collaging. yes i learnt from the last time) his hyperactivity mixes with his unstable mindset which makes him incresingly vulnerable to danger- which he likes. from when the first shift happened, he's been really careless about stuff but it's been all about his love for thrill.

and it irritates Tyler, too.

the main subplot about his character is that he's a person of excitement. guess what? ADHD people like the excitement, they like new things, they like the adrenaline and thrill. now, Aiden's main characteristic of being unstable mixed with ADHD makes him an even more reckless person. another thing mixing with the hyperactivity, is boundaries.

this part will mostly be about Ashlyn since the boundary issue only happens with her.

I talked about this on Ashlyn's side on my Ashlyn analysis, now it's time for Aiden's side.

he's really annoying to her at first. Ashlyn is someone with lots of boundaries, like high walls. and who tries to climb them with his dumbass? Aiden of course.

she kept rejecting his efforts to befriend her for some time, until the night they stole the jeep. then she managed to actually bring the walls down, and accept them all into her life. but damn was she blunt.

felt that honestly

and Aiden understands her that night, too.

Ashlyn was hesistant to hug him, yes, he was aware. but she still did which made him realize she was also trying. i have to tell you, people with ADHD and people with autism either have trouble getting along, or go perfectly well. my ADHD sibling for example, I have to push them away for a lot and tell them to lower their voice. but once they remember my boundaries it actually becomes a normal, even pleasant hangout. which, Aiden realizes and tries to get along with. he tries.

seeing his efforts on her boundaries makes something click in her mind. and she starts to be a lot nicer when they hang out in the arcade.

Aiden eventually learns and remembers what she's like and what she loves to do. he already tried to watch her ballet sessions once -got slammed-, he's been to her room where he remembered the mat from and her fighting makes it obvious. I'm sure he knew he'd get cooked by betting that. but he still did,

because he knew it'd interest her. which he succeeded, he saw her smile again. the arcade day went great until Barron and his gang pulled up, but if we ignore that part it all went well. Aiden started to understand and respect her boundaries.

anyways then Tyler fucking dies

he knows that Ashlyn feels guilty. Aiden wants to comfort her through it, but also do it correctly. without going over any boundaries. which makes him really,

really,

really surprised when she responds.

also including this pannel cause its hilarious

here we see that he's still trying. hell, I'm sure he spent minutes thinking if he should come close physically to help her. that's probably why he just nudged her softly before anything else. he's not used to it, he has to conciously make an effort to not cross said boundaries. keeping his voice lower, try to not be so reckless, not doing anything physically close unless she reciprocates. wow how i wish another someone i knew irl tried that hard instead of blaming it on me cOUGH COUGH COUGH

also other small things to include

he's yapping a lot

he has a comically large amount of puzzles in his backpack for one single trip

and sticks his head into lamps for some reason

but that's just Aiden and his little neurodivergent brain for ya.

now the part I wanted to get to the most.

Borderline Personality Disorder.

first, what is Borderline Personality Disorder?

shortened as BPD, borderline is when someone's mood is inconsistent and swinging. think of it's name; the person's mental state is in the border, in the border line, switching up fastly. the most easily understood and common type is when the person goes from a depression to a happy state. but no matter which state they are in and/or go to, one thing stays the same: it is unstable.

one thing about borderline is that it is frequently mixed with bipolar. however bipolar is a neurodivengercy which means it is what someone is born with and cannot be changed. but borderline is obtained later in life. it usually happens with depression. bipolar is much more random and the episodes last longer in comparison. it may last up to hours, and the person's memory might have trouble remembering their episodes. borderline, on the other hand, is a short-lived mood swing.

now here. here's the catch; people with BPD during mood swings can have reckless behaviour, suicidal thoughts -in his case as far as we know, lowered sense of protecting himself- or a loss of understanding danger. sounds familiar?

borderline's recklessness and dangerousness, sometimes self-destructive acts combines with ADHD's love for thrill and excitement, combined with Aiden's own personality all make up for a great condition of instability.

Aiden's behaviour constantly goes crazy, I think his most frequent mood swing might be his normal self (at least, as normal as he could be) to this more maniac way of acting. I noticed it from his eyes, when he's in a more calm-ish normal state his pupils are a bit more dilated. in the pictures above, you can clearly see that he's still in the episode; filled with the adrenaline, the unstable way of thinking.

but, what causes that? surely a mental illness such as borderline doesn't happen on it's own.

right?

cause it didn't.

it never works that way.

but it can get better.

eventually.

but what happened to him?

personally, as much as a large amounnt of people seems to believe it's something like family abuse I don't think so. maybe neglect, maybe withdrawal, maybe maybe. but we've seen his parents. I don't think they would hurt him like that. I can't put any more pictures, but this is the last part anyway. his parents seem to be kind and gentle, despite that picture in his house. I'm thinking the picture was only for the dramatic effect. his parents said that he used to be really calm and quiet during Lily's birthday, and both Aiden and Ben seem comfortable around them. they were happy taking Ben in too, any kind of abusive parent wouldn't do that at least that's what I believe. also there is that Aiden got serious and concerned when he learnt that their parents were also in the facility, most likely worried for his own as you would have thought.

there was a post that I've been trying to find for like half an hour, I commented on it but I can't find the post now. the person talked about their own theory. if I remember correctly it was that when Aiden was depressive as a child, his parents took him to a thrilling activity like the ones he's been talking about (bungee-jumping, skydiving etc.) and the thrill made him actually get excited. which is why his parents allowed him to go even more reckless, because they are aware of how prone their son could be to the depression.

what happened? let's ignore the parents factor. someone can have a loving family and still be traumatized, someone can be taken care of and still feel abandoned, someone can never have confronted a situation they are terrified of.

one of my theories is that, the loneliness. it must get to a child heavily considering children need to not be left alone, but Aiden was. he didn't have any actual friends since they always moved from one place to another from his parents' business, and they might have not had enough time to make for him (which I believe is bullshitting, every child deserves to be taken some time out for. some people quit their jobs entirely for their child.) and be unaware, and that doesn't change that he was still depressed and alone. his depressive state was seemingly before Ben was taken in. now here one thing with borderline, at least from my experience, is faking actions. smiles, laughs, friendships, conversations... almost as if there's two different lives; one fake, and one real. you keep on switching, you keep on swinging between the sides where you're yourself and where you're just mimicking 'normal human behaviour'.

it starts from faking a happy state during their depression, and by time you're faking it it becomes an automatic adition to your personality. to your mind. once it furthers, it becomes the disorder. Aiden we see is always smiling. it becomes a habit that only breaks sometimes. now, I'm not saying his smile is fake- I think his face is literally just stuck like that. it breaks ever so slightly sometimes. fake it till ya make it yanno? that kind of thing. and when he swings from his calm mood to his borderline-d mood, his pupils get small and his smile gets worse. noticably worse. I'll be rereading the series (AGAIN) and this time look at all the small details since Red loves putting them and I love theorizing so

which, wraps up the Aiden thing! im actually really proud of how i could put my thoughts into text which i never could. i'd love any additions because i love other opinions as well.

and you know what? im glad Ash and Ai are out of the place because the rest are what I'm actually looking forward to >:)

...and i should sleep. really.

(wow sorry yall i finished this hours ago and said 'alright reread to make sure its good before sleep' and fell asleep through it lol sorry for 4 hour delay ig)

(leaving for school rn see yall 8 hours later 🫡)

[ivestas]

Thank you for writing my request, I loved it!! I have another idea but it's a deeper subject so I understand not everyone is comfortable with writing about it. Could you write about a younger reader and the team see self harm wounds and scars while they were injured or while they were changing? (Something along those lines) and what they would do/ react? Xx

what is most precious to you?

Summary: The 141 discover a part of you that you’d wanted to bury.

Tags: TW s/elf harm scars + sui/cide and talk of it, please read carefully/don't read if this topic triggers you, platonic!141 x medic!fem!reader, reader implied to be mentally ill, younger!reader, descriptions of blood and injury, canon typical violence, soap + ghost focused, unedited

Word count: 1.5k

Notes: im glad u enjoyed the previous req anon! i hope I'm able to do this req justice too 🫡

You’d been a part of the 141 long enough for the others to know and trust you.

An esteemed medic that knew medicine and all things fixing like the back of her hand, despite your age—it was a natural skill, it seemed. Your hands were always so damn fast with a gauze—hell, even a dirty rag you’d make use of in an instant. 

You were just good. Reliable. Consistent. Seemingly just a normal young lady whose only eccentricity was the job she chose to be: a medic for a merc group. 

Soap often liked to joke about that normalcy that clung onto you. 

“Bet when you’re on leave you work a 9 to 5 and sleep right at 8. I’m right, aren’t I?”

You snorted. “No, I’d sleep at 9.” 

“Ohhhhh, daring! Don’t be too crazy! Ya might just lose a leg!” 

Even Ghost would sometimes jump in, adding his own joke occasionally. 

“Should I get you a planner for your birthday? A nice, minimalist one with neutral stickers to match.”

You’d scoff and jab back, whether it be at Ghost’s mask or Soap’s current and past hair-styles.

But they never gave you a tough time about it—they were glad that one of them was able to blend back to civvy life with ease. 

Price even said it was his favorite trait—”sometimes, you need the practicality and mindset of a normal lady to get shit done.”

“Thanks?” 

The guys all had a similar image of what your childhood was like: middle-class, parents all stiff-like and old-timey, your favorite hobbies probably were things like football or reading, things like that. 

However, that image shattered during a post-mission intermission. 

Things went wrong, completely askew—the enemies were clearly prepared for the attack, because landmines were everywhere and the area was crawling with hostiles.

It was a resounding loss—many casualties, wounded, etc. 

You could hardly keep up, trying to patch up as many as possible, even when the sky rained of bullets and the air tasted thickly of gunpowder and death. It was like a place between purgatory and hell, a constant flow of shouts, screams, explosions.

It was too late for you to noticed a bullet grazed your arm; it was deep enough to be visible, but luckily it wasn’t aimed low enough for it to shoot into your arm. 

You had ignored the wound—in your mind, it only made sense to focus on the soldiers who were fighting for their lives and riddled with bullet wounds. 

So you just did that: focus on them. 

But, due to the constant movement and strain, the graze only worsened, almost tearing. The adrenaline numbed the pain, but you knew it was gonna hurt like a bitch soon enough. 

Luckily though, Ghost shouted in your ear through the comms. 

“Bravo-1, retreat!—fuckin’ hell—everyone, retreat!”  

You did just that—retreat. 

Huffing and puffing, you were quick to run to the distant chopper you recognized as the 141′s. A haze of sand was the only saving grace as it covered you from the enemies direct line of sight.

Soap pulled you into the helicopter with a quick grab of your wrist, completely unaware of the graze that arm sustained. You let out a sharp hiss of pain, feeling the skin tear just a little more. 

The entrance of the helicopter shut, and with both of you heaving, the plane finally shot back into the air, rocking back and forth the slightest bit. The sound of bullets slowly melted away into harsh whirring and mechanical buzz. 

You took a moment to collect yourself, inhaling sharply before you got up, arm still bleeding. 

But, strangely, you felt it drip along your arm and into your hand, running along your finger—ah, it should’ve been obvious, the sleeve of your wounded arm had completely torn. 

You lifted the arm, examining the wound. 

Scars of varying sizes, textures, and freshness—some having strange bubbly dots, others consisting of messy lines. Some of the fresher scars had torn a little, causing thin lines or red to rise. 

Your blood ran cold. You glance up, hoping—praying—that Soap didn’t see, or even understand the implications. 

But you could see he was staring, the cogs in his mind slowly snapping together. 

You put your arm away to your side, hiding it from his view. 

“Lass—“

“I need a medkit. We have one on the plane?” 

You loathed the look of sadness, of pity that shone in his eyes, pulled at the muscles of his face. 

Don’t. Stop.

I’m not weak. Don’t—I’m not weak! 

A chorus of words, feelings, of palpable dark was what filled your mind now. Insecurity, self-hatred, all of it—you’d been working on it, trying to regulate, to reason with the miasma that had taken ahold of your consciousness.

But, fuck, you’ve revealed it to Soap of all people—he felt bad, didn’t he? Disgusted? Worried? He was gonna tell Price, wasn’t he? That your unfit for the 141, that—

A hand rested on the top of your shoulder.

“Can I patch you up?” Soap asked softly. 

You grit your teeth. Moving away from his hand, you shook your head, glaring at the floor. A small splatter of blood was there. “I can fix it myself.” 

You expected—wanted—him to berate you. 

But he didn’t. He was kind. 

“Sure, kid. I’ll just get ya the med kit—stay put.” 

Another wave of shame rocked you. You sat on one of the small seats connected to the walls of the heli, rubbing away the small bits of dried blood. 

Consumed by your thoughts, you didn’t hear Soap murmuring to Ghost. 

“The kid—she, ah...” He ran a finger along his wrist. “Catch my drift?” 

“Cutting herself?” Ghost said bluntly. 

“Sometimes I wish you had a little more tact, L.T.” 

Ghost ignored him. “They fresh or old?”

“Both,” he sighed, grabbing a med kit from one of the plane’s various compartments. “What’re we supposed to do? Don’t wanna scare off the kid, but don’t wanna leave her on her own devices hacking away at ‘erself!” 

Ghost grabbed the kit from his hands. “I’ll handle this. You sit down—go near the Captain. Try to leave us some privacy.” 

Hesitantly, Soap nodded. “Work your magic, sir.” 

Ghost made his way to the other end of the helicopter where you were. You were hunched over your wound, a deep frown on your face. It’s uncharacteristic, but he knew it was a part of yourself you’d prefer to be shrouded in dark. Suffering wasn’t a nice look, was it?

But it was human. Denying your own right to feel it—it made Ghost frown too.

He sat beside you, kit in his hand. You had finally looked up then, alarmed. 

“Gimme your arm, kid.” 

You opened your mouth.

“Not leavin’ till I patch your arm up, so don’t even try.” 

Shamefully, you lifted your arm slowly. 

He took it with gentle but firm hands, a thumb running along a faint scar. 

Ghost opened the kit haphazardly with another hand. 

“When I was your age—maybe a little younger—couldn’t find much meaning in everything.”

He lifted his hand from your arm and grabbed alcohol and a small cotton rag. Dampening the rag with alcohol, he drew it to your arm, rubbing away the excess blood and cleaning the wounds. You didn’t make any noise, only breathing raggedly. 

“The suffering was pointless, in my eyes; thought, ‘this isn’t bloody fair’. Born in a shitty house with a shitter father, food hardly ever on the table, my mind deteriorating, and the world cast in deep gray.”

You nodded. 

Ghost grabbed a bandage gauze, unravelling it and wrapping it gently around the graze and the scars. It was calming, watching him work away, even if the wrapping was a little clumsy. 

“The harsh reality came a little while later, and it’s that people like me—us—we gotta work hard for shit to change. That this weight forced upon us, it’s only we that can shed it off. It’s still not fair—frankly, suicide is easier. Thought of doing it for the longest time... But...” 

He shook his head. “In my eyes, it’s a coward’s way out. We should never die by our own hands—there’s always something to live for.”

“What are you living for?” 

“Mmmm.... For tomorrow’s pint.” 

You laughed. 

He grabbed a safety pin and pinned the end of the gauze. “...now, I know it’s ‘silly’ to say, but you know we’re here for you?—the 141′s got your back, kid—how about this, let’s make a deal.”

“Yeah?” 

“You ever have the urge to cut yer arm, you come straight to me, or the others. They’ll listen. They care.”

They care.  

It’s weird, but hearing the words said out loud, it hit you. 

They really care. 

You took in a shaky breath. “Thank... you.” 

“It’s no problem at all, kid. Stay strong.”

AO3

Masterlist

Requests are open

[mama-qwerty]

Thinking about Dread again.

Was going through my saved images and came across these, from the third season.

My deranged beloved has become a sad little meow meow.

So pensive. So frustrated. So defeated.

(My favorite image of him in this scene. I love that pose, it's so natural and conveys so much about his mental and emotional state.)

I still think the way they handled his 'redemption' completely missed the mark, and could have been done much better had they planted a few seeds to begin with. But the pacing of the whole series felt so odd, and I wonder if they had something different planned before Netflix (possibly) cut their time shorter.

(For the record, I think that's part of the problem with the Knuckles series. It felt like there should have been more in that, but Paramount told them they only had 6 eps to do what they wanted in 12.)

But Dread? My beloved little gremlin of a pirate? Oh, he had so much potential. He could have been this wild card, this character who continued to be him despite everything, who was so anti-Knuckles it was entertaining and fun and just a joy to watch him have so much fun being a bastard.

I get that they couldn't keep a Knuckles as an absolute asshole, but watching this delightful character go from this

To this

without seeing anything in between was jarring. The last we saw of Dread before season 3 started was him fighting with Ren as Sonic and Nine took the shards away. He was enraged to have lost his Beauty. Again. We have no idea what happened after that, but this descent into depression seemed sudden and out of character.

But considering how he behaved after his first loss of the shard (when he lost his first ship and crew), maybe this isn't that much of a stretch. He ran before, jumping nose first into denial, and tried to cover his feelings of defeat by being a party pirate. Now his Beauty is lost once again, and he's in a strange city, on another planet (in another universe!) and has made himself at odds with the people there. (With his other him.) He couldn't even contact his crew because he'd turned on them before leaving.

So here's Dread, completely out of his element, the one thing he'd lusted after his entire life gone. It would figure that he'd maybe have a bit of Ren's depressive state, and fall into a "What's the point? What I want always seems to be just out of reach. I'll never have my one true desire." mindset.

And maybe, since the shards were all gone, he's feeling some kind of mental shift. I've theorized that the shard's energy was what made Dread so batshit, and now that it's gone, maybe he's starting to think a little more clearly than he'd ever done before. Instead of that drive to "FIND HAVE KEEP" that gem, he's feeling like a failure for not being able to fulfill that quest. That duty. Because maybe to him, it didn't feel like the normal greed of pirate plunder, the urge to just take and steal and collect as much booty as possible. Maybe to him, because he's a Knuckles and they're hard wired to protect, it was something more personal.

That shard, according to his instincts, was his to protect. And now that it's gone, he's a failure and feels empty. He's coming down off that energy, the inexplicable hold the shard held over him, and is essentially going through a withdrawal of sorts, and dealing with the possibly conflicting emotions it dredged up.

There was so much potential for him. And the writers wasted it, by having him simply join in on the attack on Nine without examining his (very likely) ulterior motives. I don't like that they used that Jack character to draw Dread's selfish desires back out - those should have still been there! The whole agreement to join in should have been a plot to simply get him near his Beauty so he could pull a double cross.

This made it seem like Dread didn't even think about his Beauty during the whole battle. WHAT?? Being near it should have made him almost feral with the want to get to it. I would have loved to have seen him be another obstacle to the shard, so the heroes didn't only have to deal with Nine and his endless army of bots, but also this deranged pirate who was overcome with treasure lust.

Missed opportunity.

Ah well.

Just lookit this handsome bastard.

My beloved. Dread is possibly my absolutely favorite variant of Knuckles. I just love him.

[papers-pamphlet]

The long awaited (?) Claudia lore (and, who is Josephine von Segensfeld ??? What went down in Germany ??? 🤨🤨)

Shit guys I've been letting all this fester in my head for so long but now that I finally posted that comic I can finally dump it all here yipeeeee

Okay so first off, Claudia. Well, to begin we should start with her father and his born family. Leone Difiori was born of a wealthy noble family in Italy, but was kicked out and disowned for "incompetence" among many other reasons. In other words, he's kinda stupid.

He married a commoner woman to gain some sort of standing. Then, Claudia was born the first of five children. Things were looking hopeless though, Leone worked tirelessly every day and it really wasn't going anywhere.

Then, both mother and father came to the idea --- have Claudia marry to a rich family once she grows up ! And then she'll rescue us from poverty ! So, they raised her just for that.

Despite growing up with such pressure, Claudia couldn't refuse it. She had no reason to resent her parents for anything, her father was a bit of an idiot, but he was trying, and her mother was so sweet and pitiful. She felt it her obligation to marry a man, be a good wife, and help her family.

Once Claudia grew up, her father began his game plan for marrying his daughter off. He then began correspondence with the Segensfeld family in Germany (using his former nobility standing to his advantage and not revealing that he was utterly broke and disowned.)

So the father of the Segensfelds gave him the okay, and so Claudia's father had brought her along with him to Germany for an arranged marriage !

Now let's talk a little more about Josephine von Segensfeld .

As previously stated, Josephine grew up very freely. She was the youngest and her father spoiled her and let her do as she pleased without much pressure on her. (It is here that I realize that Josephine is kinda the polar opposite of Joseph Hayes and that was completely unintentional but still hilarious 😭😭)

She was pretty. Many men tried to take her hand in marriage, she refused. A few times her family tried to arrange marriage for her, she threw a hissy fit and they never spoke of it again. (Girl is a lesbian woah)

The day the Difioris arrive at the Segensfeld manor, she's immediately interested in the daughter because she's pretty. The Difioris stay as guests in the manor while they discuss the arrangements. During that, Josephine makes her first move and gains Claudia's friendship.

So almost immediately, Leone is found out as a fraud and was about to be kicked out of the manor by the father until Josephine pleaded to him for them to stay because she likes Claudia so much 🥺🥺 "father pleaseeeee the daughter is so sweetttttt would you allow at least her to stay ????? 🥺🥺🥺"

Never being able to refuse his daughter, he accepted and lent the Difioris some money for them to get an apartment to stay.

Often Josephine would send for Claudia to visit the manor and they would simply spend time together doing normal friendly things. And then one day during a party, Josephine not being able to keep it in anymore, makes the first move and kisses her while they were alone.

Claudia, despite knowing how "unnatural" it is, goes alone with it. She's not sure why.

So . Things happen and they begin to regularly have this explicit love affair -- but it's still completely undefined to the both of them.

Josephine is smitten hard. She spent so much time with her, gave her so many gifts (even had a certain miniature portrait of Claudia painted so that she would be able to see her likeness wherever she went) and so was Claudia, but she couldn't understand that for her mind was too wired to that mindset she was raised with.

Eventually Claudia had to remember what her purpose was -- she couldn't keep this up any longer. It was unnatural (no matter how much she enjoyed it -- enjoyed Josephine's company and affection), she had to be with a man. These feelings couldn't be real, no? It can't be.

One day, another gathering is hosted at the manor and Claudia goes to Josephine in her room to tell her it's over. The noble was completely livid over this. How could she break it off after all this ??? (She couldn't understand why Claudia was so deep in self-denial for she didn't know what it was like) So they have this big argument and Claudia ends up storming out. Both were angry, crying and bitter.

And then, Giles found Claudia. They marry. Some years later Leone dies of illness, her siblings grow up and get good enough jobs to support her mother. What was even the point ?

During the war, Giles' absence... Claudia had been receiving letters from Josephine once more. She tried to ignore them. Burn them, even. But she was just so lonely. (And she had to see her again eventually.)

Her judgement is poor and Josephine sails to England and visits Claudia this time. What happens is almost a repeat of last time. Nothing would change unless Claudia would just stop lying to herself.

@steph-schuyler @hamalicious-soup @lil-gae-disaster @marsfingershurt @imobsessedwiththeatre

[blues-valentine]

So when do you think Ricky subconsciously and consciously fell in love with Gina? And if not for the drama with Mack this season when do you think Ricky would have said I love you to Gina?

I believe he fell for Gina subconsciously since Season 1. He already felt such an strong sense of connection with her but there were so many things he needed to realize and his mind wasn’t in that space yet. I don’t think Ricky on Season 1 was fully aware of his feelings for Gina. And it makes sense. He was scared of all the changes coming to his life and wanted things to remain stagnant. And so holding onto his relationship with Nini, who represents childhood, and what he once knew was a priority. Gina represents the opposite of that. Gina is change. And Ricky loved Nini and no one denies that but a lot of the reasons why he did were coming from the wrong reasons. By the end of Season 1, Gina leaving meant that he didn’t have to face them.

Even by Season 2, I feel Ricky still didn’t fully understood his feelings for Gina. He was with Nini and he was trying to hold onto a sense of normalcy and familiarity but their relationship just kept on getting worst. Ricky was the most emotionally overwhelmed. His mom started a new life away from him. His dad was dating Miss Jenn (and the drama club was a safe space from all family drama for him) and things were weird with Gina, who had been his friend and someone he could just tell things to. And her presence was also a reminder that there’s an unspoken issue between them. It was totally normal the way he was acting around Gina. He had a girlfriend and he was trying make it work but he knew his interactions with Gina were not platonic and crossed boundaries. This is why he felt a sense of guilt when Nini called and he was with Gina. But he wasn’t there yet. He needed to let go of Nini (and his childhood) to fully get a sense of the the impact Gina had in his life. Because loving Gina is embracing change. And Ricky only gets almost there at the end of the season, before that he was in denial and aloof.

Ricky needed to get thought all of those things he did on Season 1 and Season 2 to get it. Once Ricky’s mindset starts to change on Season 3, when he is ready to embrace new roads and he isn’t blinded by his desire to keep everything stagnant is that he wakes up. That’s when he consciously falls for Gina. He starts to get what everything meant and how he let her slip through his fingers. But he wasn’t ready. He said it himself to EJ, it was summer camp that he realized he had real feelings for Gina. Not just a crush, but like legit strong feelings for her. Key word being realized because those feelings were always there he just didn’t know how to process them at the time. But at that point he thought it might be too late to act on them so the best thing he can do is be there. This is why Gina’s initiative was so important.

And I don’t think Ricky felt the need to say I love you to Gina because of “all that Mack drama”. He was going to say it to her eventually. Mack wasn’t even the real issue. It was about Gina finally achieving one of her dreams but those dreams meant the idea of her walking a different path — and for Ricky who’s constantly experiencing people to not choose him or be enough of a reason to stay. It felt like he was already losing her. Ultimately, he said I love you simply because he wanted her to know he loved her despite their journey taking different paths.

[thevalleyoftriumph]

hi!! saw your post of DID Chosen (am I allowed to call it that??) and I have been curious ever since, apologies if any of these has been asked before https://www.tumblr.com/thevalleyoftriumph/757624875107090432/so-um-for-those-who-arent-in-the-ava-community?source=share ^ Post I'm referring to just in case What are your characterisations of Chosen, Beast and Killer like? Going off of Killer not recognising Dark in the post, it was Chosen fronting in AVA3 yes? Who was fronting during showdown? Going once again off the post Beast is non-verbal/ mute/ straight up doesn't know how to talk, is that why he resorted immediately to violence upon returning from Alans PC? Assuming that was Beast Was Chosen co-conscious during showdown? Simply watching as someone else used his hands to tear his best friend apart? Or did he come back to find his life destroyed, and best friend killed, with no idea how any of it happened Also, what are Chosen, Killer's and Beasts pronouns? I assume they differ from eachother. And are your Chosen and Dark siblings? Sorry I'm aware this is an insane amount of questions, apologies if it is overwhelming Final thing, all I know about DID is from DissociaDID (may be spelled wrong) on YouTube, and I have no idea how trustworthy of a source they are, nor have I watched them in years, so apologies if any of the terms/ information I have here is out of date or proven false Anyway, that's all, hope you have a good day :]

hi oh my god anon i love you. sorry i just really adore getting asked about stuff i love yapping and youve offered me a LOT to talk about, please expect a MASSIVE wall of text. like i mean it the wall is huge and took me like, an hour or two to type up. you opened the floodgates anon.

FIRST THINGS FIRST ☝ never apologize for being curious it is the most wonderous trait a person could have. i have spoken about some of these before but mostly in the replies or dms of people and thus it is perfectly okay by me to ask for me to repeat them here. secondly your questions are not at all overwhelming in fact i got very excited to answer once i realized how much youve asked. thirdly your phrasing is pretty accurate yes! ones you used are def pretty common, and i appreciate the willingness to be corrected - lots of phrases [though not specifically the ones you used, i mean more generally] are picked up and dropped by people for a whole variety of reasons ranging from comfort to accuracy to current knowledge, so being open to being corrected is a wonderful mindset to have when going into something youre unfamiliar with ! <3

anyhow, answers to the questions, numbered to each, under the cut ^_^ and just for ease im also going to actually type like a normal human being just this once lol. last warning here if you click "keep reading" youre in for a MASSIVE wall of rambling!

1: What are your characterisations of Chosen, Beast and Killer like?

I'd say my characterizations aren't anything too far from common interps, mostly regarding Chosen.

Chosen is a relatively soft spoken and monotone individual. He's prone to getting lost in thought a lot, especially when in conversation - he likes to think things through very much before speaking. A stick of few words, he likes being simple and blunt. He has a very hard time trusting people, but when he does, he trusts fully and deeply -- he is a very, very loyal person once that trust is earned. Even if someone he trusts does something to cause him to become upset with them, such as with Dark, he is willing to hear them out. Despite this, he's also very rash - much as he loathe to admit it. He may not speak without thinking, but he very much acts without thinking, sometimes even doing something without realizing it at first. This leads to a lot of things bad - such as him shoving Dark from the console in the flashback. He acts in ways he thinks he should, consciously or not. He's also got a bit of Dark's stubborness - once he sets his mind to something, it's a very difficult task to get him to back down.

Killer is, despite their name, very different from what you'd assume. They're a relatively happy person, all things considered, and despite having trust issues of their own, often tries to see the best in people. They're also a more ""casual"" fronter, bordering on co-host, as they usually end up in front for more minor things, or even just incidentally after they wake up. They're quick to adapt, usually masking as Chosen in these cases, but are equally quick to relax in safe environments and be more themselves. They're very talkative, and love learning about any and all topics that interest them. They also fidget a bunch - often with the ends of the body's scarf, or with their bracelet, gloves, belts, whatever is closest. Despite all this, they're also quite jumpy - they are primarily responsible for internal things, especially regarding their memories, and thus holds quite a few negative feelings and memories that they'd all rather not have. And yet, somehow despite all of that, they have a hard time with people. Like shown in the comic, Killer isn't always in front, and doesn't have access to nearly as many memories as you'd think for someone with their "role." In fact, they had no idea Dark existed until the very moment in that comic, which in my mind takes place years after Dark and Chosen ended up living together. How on earth they managed to go that long without meeting him, well your guess is as good as mine. I'd say it's a mix of good timing [or bad, depending on how you look at it] and generally "better" circumstances not requiring them to switch in as much as they previously had to.

Beast... Beast is a whole other can of worms, honestly. It's a general wildcard. The result of being treated inhumanely and without compassion, Beast is someone who is stuck in fight or flight mode for it's whole life -- and it's response is anything BUT flight. It is aggressive to anyone outside of the system, and anything it could see as a threat to their safety. Like I mentioned, it doesn't really speak - internally, it can't, and externally, it just forgets that the body isn't limited like it is, so it ends up silent. This leads to a lot of body language - it is incredibly expressive, and has a bit of a staring problem when it's not actively trying to maul something. Honestly if I drew sticks with eyes it'd totally do that thing that cat eyes do in the dark where it just looks at you super ominously from the shadows lol. Anyways, despite this, as I will always reiterate when talking about Beast's personality, it is not malicious. It is not evil, and it is not trying to hurt people on purpose. It is, first and foremost, protective and scared. It does not know HOW to calm down, or how to feel safe, because every time it's ever fronted, it has been faced with progressively worse and worse circumstances. It is determined and protective, and willing to go to great lengths to protect the system -- and perhaps, one day, if it can heal enough to trust others, it would do the same for them. If you thought Chosen was loyal, then you haven't seen Beast at its absolute best.

2: Going off of Killer not recognising Dark in the post, it was Chosen fronting in AVA3 yes? Who was fronting during showdown?

You'd be correct, for the most part! During the beginning of AVA3, when Chosen was still imprisoned as the ad-block, it was primarily Beast - thus, the chains on it's design, and its seeming unawareness of them. Then, once freed, Chosen had essentially force-fronted into co-front with Beast to fight his way out, eventually allowing Beast to sorta "pull back" out of front over the course of the episode - probably when Chosen and Dark team up. [And for clarification - when I mean "pull back," I mean sorta slowly being pulled from front in a switch. I'm not ever really sure how to describe what it feels like to slowly not front instead of being forcefully switched out, but this is how it makes the most sense to me. I'm sorry if it makes absolutely zero sense to anyone else lol]

As for who was fronting during Showdown, I'll admit that I haven't entirely decided. Initially for sure, during the flashback, it is 100% Chosen. Even during the early fight scenes it's primarily him - he's not being completely overpowered or even threatened with complete death [as, at the very least in my interp, Dark never intended to kill Chosen, just incapacitate so that he could go through with his plan. He only started striking to kill with the CG, but not Chosen - never Chosen.]

However, I'd say Chosen and his systemmates were, after a point, REALLY fucking blurry for a lot of that episode. Rapid switches that left them disoriented and dizzy and much slower to react than they'd usually be. When Chosen goes back to Alan's PC, that is when it's not necessarily unclear anymore. I'd say at that point particularly, Chosen has pulled away enough for the sorta blurry mess in front to be exclusively Beast and Killer, with Killer being busy masking as Chosen to get rid of the Virabot, but Beast being sorta hovering ominously over their shoulder internally thanks to the SEVERELY negative associations with the desktop. Killer's masking would probably have slipped a bit at seeing the CG, mostly out of personal shock at learning about them, but they would've left back to the Outernet before they could really think too hard about it.

The rest of the episode, especially when Chosen is seen overpowered by Virabots, is totally 100% Beast IMO. The situation of being contained, restricted, overpowered and in danger - life threatening to them, even if Dark never intended for it to be that way - it was much too similar to their early days on the desktop. Thus, Beast VERY solidly force-fronted and in doing so with taking complete ""control"" made it so neither Killer NOR Chosen were there for the ending of Showdown. A lot of the actions done once TSC came back were just done out of shock, and a very rare show of trust - TSC had shown Beast that they were willing to fight to protect them, collectively, even if it was really in response to their friends being harmed - protect one, protect them all, if that makes sense. TSC had removed the threat, and thus, Beast had sorta filed them away as one of the very few ""trustworthy"" sticks - even if it's not necessarily trust, it's the closest thing to it.

3: Going once again off the post Beast is non-verbal/ mute/ straight up doesn't know how to talk, is that why he resorted immediately to violence upon returning from Alans PC? Assuming that was Beast

Beast totally had a hand in it, yeah. Despite it and Killer being relatively equally "there" so to speak during the return to the PC in Showdown, Beast did have a MASSIVE influence on their collective actions. Killer fought because it knew it had to prevent bad things from happening, while Beast fought because it was the ONLY thing it knew to do to prevent bad things from getting WORSE. That is to say you're pretty spot on there lol

4: Was Chosen co-conscious during showdown? Simply watching as someone else used his hands to tear his best friend apart? Or did he come back to find his life destroyed, and best friend killed, with no idea how any of it happened

As briefly explained previously, Chosen wasn't the only fronter for a lot of it, and got completely booted out of co-consciousness after a point. Thus, while he knows logically that he fought with Dark, and when he DID front again, he could connect two-and-two together and realize that Dark got fucking murked, you're right to assume has remembers VERY little of the in-between and the specifics.

In fact, quite a few memories from even the co-conning were instead "given" to Beast and Killer. That's not exactly how it works but it's the best way I can describe it, based off my own experiences with co-conning with others -- sometimes you just don't end up getting the memories if there's multiple people in front, for one reason or another.

Anyhow, yeah, most memories of that day are kinda stuffed in the metaphorical closet. Chosen knows something happened between him confronting Dark and him ending up at home on the couch with a hole in the 2nd floor walls, but he just.. doesn't remember any of it. He can make the connections - he can look out the window and see the result of TSC's final blow to Dark from their house, after all. He can tell Dark isn't just hiding out somewhere. He's forgetful, not a fool. But he doesn't know what happened in the fight, or necessarily who killed Dark, and honestly Chosen's internal communication with his systemmates is absolute shit and there's no way in hell Killer OR Beast are leaving notes about a Really Traumatic Event in a journal for him, so his ass is NEVER finding out unless someone tells him.

[Which, to explain why he knows of TSC's powers in Wanted in that case, on some occasions memories do get ""passed"" from alter to alter. This is usually done in the case of "filling in" for the host, for example, where the alter requires information that another alter had taken in. This is commonly seen in situations where, for instance, a system is out at the store, but whoever entered had switched out for one reason or another, and the new fronter needs to mask as the other one to finish their task without "giving away" that something happened. This isn't the most common thing for Everyone I'd say, but it happens with my system sometimes, and also happens with some of my system buddies too. Thus, in my mind, it happens to Chosen too sometimes. It doesn't ALWAYS happen! Ie, that time Killer had no idea who Dark was. But it Can and so I'm portraying it here lol.]

5: Also, what are Chosen, Killer's and Beasts pronouns? I assume they differ from eachother. And are your Chosen and Dark siblings?

They do, yeah! While I've seen some systems sorta default to one or two sets of pronouns collectively, a lot of alters DO have preferences for pronouns pretty commonly. I mean, I myself vary wildly from some of my systemmates, a lot of whom, for example, use she/her, but I myself don't at all! It's honestly pretty interesting to see the differences, from a curiosity standpoint.

Anyways, back to Chosen. I would once again like to state that these are my personal headcanons and also I don't own Killer OR Beast, I'm just giving them character, and thus not everyone may agree necessarily.

Chosen: He/him primarily, but doesn't mind they/them too. He's kinda like that one tweet that's like "I think I'm nonbinary but I have a job so idc about that right now" in a way lol

Killer: They/them. Has a very wavery sense of identity though, so it's not like they'll get mad or anything at other pronoun usage. They honestly encourage people to get a little fun with it.

Beast: It/it's. Not in a dehumanizing way, but in a reclaiming sort of way.

Lastly, in my interp of Chosen and Dark, they are indeed siblings, yeah! I really adore the headcanon of all 4 hollowheads being siblings, it makes me incredibly happy, so it's like that in pretty much all of my interps/AUs. If it's work done by me, you can probably assue Chosen and Dark are related lol.

anyway yeah that's about it i'd say :] once again i love you so very much for asking questions, and i hope these answered them and didn't just run you in circles for twenty minutes ! i do have a bit of a habit of just yapping on and on and not being very clear, so if anything doesn't make sense or if you want me to expand on any points, or even if i've just repeated or even contradicted myself, then feel free to point it out or ask anything else! ^_^

[whumpsday]

Kane & Jim #44: Sweet 116

Masterlist

content: recovery, comfort, vampire whumpee, whumper turned whumpee, whumpee turned caretaker, fluffy compared to my usual

-

Kane woke up one hundred and sixteen years old.

It felt like it had been ages since his last birthday, since he hadn’t been aware of its passing since his 110th. He’d honestly thought he was older than this, back in his cell. It felt longer than five years.

He hadn’t celebrated his birthday in a long time, even the ones where he’d been aware of the day passing. They were a bitter reminder that his family didn’t care, after the extravagant parties he’d been thrown as a young child turned into not even being wished a happy birthday. He and Bellamy used to have their own little events, just the two of them, but those stopped after Bellamy left.

He wished he could apologize to Bellamy for treating him so badly. Kane knew he’d been a bad friend. But it was probably better this way: Bellamy had his own life now, he was flourishing, and Kane was okay now too. He had to just appreciate their childhood friendship for what it was, and accept that it was over.

Jim wasn’t his friend, certainly. Kane had abused him for years, and now he was currently held captive in the man’s house. But he was something almost like a friend. More than a friend in some ways, a god-like savior who’d dragged him out of a torturous nightmare.

He was okay. He didn’t need a friend, and he didn’t need a birthday. He just needed to be safe, and he had that, now. He smiled at the thought. His first safe birthday in five years.

Jim came downstairs with a fresh bowl of blood. “Hey, man. Happy birthday. Hundred sixteen now, right? Sheesh.”

“Oh. You remembered.” Kane said, a little shocked.

“’Course I remembered. Gotta be on top of that shit if you’re gonna be staying here. Speaking of which...” Jim held out the bowl, but it was a new one, one Kane had never seen before. A ceramic bowl designed to look like a cake, a human food he knew was traditionally used to celebrate birthdays. Jim had taught him that.

“Saw this and thought it might be fun to use on your birthdays, since obviously you can’t eat actual cake.” Jim said with a goofy grin.

Birthdays. Plural. That could only mean one thing, that Jim intended to keep him for years. Kane’s heart soared, elated. He was being promised safety for years.

“Thank you so much.” Kane gingerly took the cute little bowl. “I love it. Thank you for the bowl, and the blood, and, and for letting me stay. Thank you for all of it.” He teared up a little, overwhelmed with emotion.

“Aw, well, you were always nice to me on my birthdays.” Jim pointed out. “You always got me cake and a present. Never hurt me or anything, ‘cept for the bite, even if I was doing stuff you’d normally hit me for. It was the only time I really felt safe.”

Guilt flooded him. Jim only felt safe five days out of the five years Kane had him, and he still made every effort he could to make Kane feel safe now despite it.

“I’m glad you’re safe now.” Kane said softly.

“Right back at you.” Jim patted him on the back. “Laken’s coming over later and we’ll have a little party. Assuming that’s cool with you? There’s still time to cancel it if you’re not into the idea.”

Laken was a hunter. It was hard to get out of the mindset that humans were dangerous by default, let alone hunters, but they’d been over to visit Liz’s a few times when he and Jim had stayed at Liz’s place a few weeks ago and they’d only ever been friendly toward him. He supposed that the only options Jim had to invite to his vampire’s birthday party were them and Liz, and Liz was definitely not a fan of him.

Kane hadn’t had a proper birthday party since he was ten years old. It seemed almost childish at this point, but... unbelievably sweet.

“That sounds great. Thank you.” He held the bowl to his lips and drank.

-

Jim’s present to Kane served two purposes: it was something he knew the guy would love, and it would give him time to decorate. It was a strategy he had employed for Liz on multiple occasions. Give her a gift she’d have to leave the house for, then set everything up while she’s away. He could have just done it while Kane was asleep, but he wanted to make sure he actually wanted something. Jim knew he was weird about birthdays.

He had to get creative this time, since he couldn’t send Kane to the arcade or roller rink. Kane was over the moon about the fancy bath stuff Jim got him, breaking out in a delighted fanged grin.

While Kane spent what Jim was sure would be an hour in the bathroom trying out fancy soaps, he strung up some simple decorations. Some balloons, streamers, and in a moment of unprecedented genius, a ‘SWEET 16′ banner he’d drawn an extra ‘1′ into to make it say ‘SWEET 116′. He giggled as he tacked it up.

He was sure it was nothing compared to the kinds of parties hundred-millionaire vampires would throw. Hell, it’d be nothing by human party standards, the guy couldn’t even eat cake or get wasted. But hey, Kane seemed pretty jazzed about it so far.

It was a good distraction. Jim tried not to think about it, but tomorrow was the anniversary of the night Kane took him. He realized it a few minutes after Kane had told him his birthday. Was that what he was? Kane’s birthday present to himself, a shiny new human?

He pushed the thought out of his head. It didn’t matter. He didn’t want to think about the fact that tomorrow was the 15 year anniversary of the day his life ended.

Jim was glad he had the excuse of Kane being scared of Liz to not invite her: she’d definitely try to comfort him, because she knew him way too well, and then he’d have to think about it, and maybe even talk about it.

And then he’d be a terrified 19 year old boy again, back in that lonely little room in Kane’s house where nothing was safe, and he didn’t want to be that anymore.

Now Kane was in his house, and neither of them were miserable. It was fine. Though it was hard not to think about it at least a little bit, with what Laken wanted to give Kane as his present.

Kane came downstairs smelling like roses. “You weren’t waiting to put the cuffs back-”

He looked around, taking in the decorations. Another smile. Kane had been smiling a lot more these days, he noticed.

“You did all this for me?” He sounded choked-up.

“Yeah, man. It’s your birthday. First one you’ve celebrated in five years, right? Gotta do something.” Jim patted him on the back. “And no cuffs today. We can be a little lax once in a while.” Plus, there’ll be a hunter here most of the time just in case.

“One hundred and six.”

“One hundred and six what?”

“This is the first birthday I’ve celebrated in one hundred and six years.” Kane clarified. “Or, ninety-nine years if you count the little celebrations that were just me and Bellamy. Just shy of a century.”

“Fuck, man. You’re making me too sad.” Jim shook his head. Guess that explained why he was so cagey about his birthday. “Well, good thing I snapped you up before it could get to a round hundred. We’ll fit a birthday party in here for you yet.”

“Thank you, Jim.” Kane said, sounding touched. “That means a lot.”

-

Laken arrived shortly. Kane froze up as they hugged him, not having expected it, but relaxed once he realized they weren’t hurting him.

“Happy birthday, you little grandpa!” they laughed, glancing at the banner. “Excellent.”

“Thank you for coming.” he replied. Laken’s hug was different from Jim’s. There was no tension, no fear that Kane could sense. They just held him, carefree. He wanted it to last forever, but they pulled away to hug Jim next.

They strolled inside and turned back around. “Jimmy, get outta here. I’ve gotta give Kane his present.”

Laken didn’t appear to have brought anything with them, Kane noted with confusion.

“Y-yeah.” Jim was suddenly nervous. “Just, just come get me when it’s done.” He scurried up the stairs to his room.

Kane was growing more anxious by the second. Jim being nervous was bad, but being apart from him was worse, and being alone with a hunter even worse than that. Even if they were the nicest hunter he’d ever met.

“Chill out.” Laken ordered, patting him on the head. “Jim’s just a little sensitive about this stuff. I’m not gonna hurtcha.”

“O-oh. Um, then, then what?” he asked.

Laken held out their arm. “Go on and feed some. Double portions today, and this one’s straight from the source, nice ‘n fresh..”

Kane stared incredulously at their outstretched arm. This had to be a- a trap of some kind, it had to be.

He could still remember the searing licks of the sun on his skin, in his mouth, unable to get away, burning burning burning for an entire week, the nights never long enough to heal more than the smallest bit before the next day devastated him again. And that had been for just trying to bite.

There was no way a hunter was telling him to bite them.

“I’ll be good, s...” Kane thought about it a bit, unsure what the proper title would be for a ‘them’. “...sir?” he decides anyway. “I’ll be good. I know better, I, I’ve learned. You don’t need to test me.”

“I’m not gonna pull pranks on you on your birthday, dude.” Laken shook their head. “Or ever. That sounds about as good of an idea as pulling pranks on Jim. Maybe even worse. Nah, I’m serious. Go for it. Have a little treat.”

They were serious. Kane glanced up the stairs. “Jim’s okay with it?”

“Yup, got pre-approved and everything. Listen, if you don’t want it, I can use the blood draw and you can drink it out of that bowl Jim was so giggly about on the phone, or we can just forget about the whole thing if you wanna. It’s your call. You’re the birthday boy. But hey, I’m offering.” They waggled their eyebrows.

Blood did taste really good straight from a human. It didn’t get any fresher than that. And... it could be his test, too. He was starting to really trust that Jim wouldn’t send him back, or hurt him on purpose. If he did this, he could see if Laken is really telling the truth, and maybe he could trust them, too. If he refused, he’d never know.

“Okay. Yes, please. Um, have you ever... been bitten before?” he asked.

“Pssh, oh yeah. A billion and a half times.” Laken assured. “I’ve been hunting for like, a decade. You guys’ve got like 5 things for combat, and teeth are one of ‘em. Never been really fed from, though. But I’m curious!” They waved their arm in front of him again.

Kane was glad they were offering their arm. He was sure that Jim would have an intensely negative reaction to seeing his mark on Laken’s neck.

He nodded trepidatiously. “Please let me know if you want me to stop.”

He bit into their forearm, sweet, delicious blood flowing into him. The base taste wasn’t as good as Jim’s abnormally-delicious blood, but it was so fresh that it truly was a treat. He had already had a meal today, but he fed enough for an entire second meal. It was his birthday, after all.

When he was done, he licked the wound closed. “Thank you. That was, that was wonderful.” He waited anxiously for their reaction.

“Haha, so weird. Glad it did it for you.” Laken said casually.

They’re really not mad. They’re not going to try to punish me.

“I’m gonna put a bandage on this so Jim doesn’t flip his shit.” they added. “You wanna go get him? Knock first.”

“Okay!” Kane agreed, invigorated by his apparent success. He jogged up to Jim’s room, initially minding his ankle chains before realizing they weren’t there, and knocked.

“Jim? It’s done. Are you okay?” he asked.

“Yeah.” Jim opened the door, looking a little less than okay, but not awful.

“I-”

“If you’re about to say you’re sorry, can it. It’s your birthday and you didn’t hurt anyone. Was it nice?” Jim asked.

Kane was surprised by how he’d predicted what he was about to say so easily. He guessed Jim just... knew him better than anyone else, at this point.

But that street went both ways. Seeing Jim look all nervous, he was suddenly reminded that he’d taken Jim the day after his 100th birthday.

“It was nice. Thank you for allowing it.” He hesitated, hoping he was saying the right thing. “Um, I know that tomorrow is probably... an uncomfortable day for you. I’m sorry. Just let me know if there’s anything I can do? Like if you want me to stay downstairs or something.”

Jim startled a bit, then smoothed his hair down. “I dunno. I kinda just wanna do everything like normal. Don’t wanna make it weird or anything.���

“Okay. Whatever you want.” Kane agreed.

“Hey, did Jim faint up there or something?” Laken called.

“C’mon, don’t turn into Liz, I’m not that fragile! I wasn’t even the one who got bit!” Jim called back. He bumped Kane on the shoulder, racing back down.

Kane laughed, following behind him.

-

sorry i’ve been slacking on posting new chapters / november was kind of a wash! you can expect a lot more activity in the latter portion of december.

drabbles posted in between #43 and #44:

Drabble: Mirror

Drabble: Fuck you

also started K&J x MMSS, a series of crossovers between my guys and the guys of Magnanimous Moonrise & Savage Sunset! there’s like 30k words of writing in there now

taglist:

@annablogsposts

@badluck990

@barebarb

@cc1010foxy

@ceph-the-writing-spook

@cicatrix-energy

@crying-wings

@crystalquartzwhump

@cupcakes-and-pain

@cyberneticfire

@darlingwhump

@deluxewhump

@down-in-the-whumps

@elrysdoesstuff

@emcscared-whumps

@extemporary-whump

@extrabitterbrain

@iamtheshriekingguineapig

@icyheart-and-friends

@inpainandsuffering

@interdimensional-chaos

@kira-the-whump-enthusiast

@lactose-intolerant-egg

@lilac-and-lemon-whumps

@littlespacecastle

@little-whumpee

@lost-in-labradorite-halls

@magziemakeswhatever

@melancholy-in-the-morning

@morning-star-whump

@myhusbandsasemni

@mylifeisonthebookshelf

@neverthelass

@nicolepascaline

@nine-tailed-whump

@no-terms-and-conditions-apply

@not-a-space-alien

@nyooom

@octopus-reactivated

@oddsconvert

@onlybadendings

@owencarvourenthusiast

@pigeonwhumps

@pumpkin-spice-whump

@quietly-by-myself

@quirkykayleetam

@ramadiiiisme

@redwhump

@scp-1296

@secretwhumplair

@the-whumperfly-effect

@the-whumpers-grimm

@thecyrulik

@thegreatwhodini

@themarlo

@thingsthatgo-whump-inthenight

@t0rture-me

@vehan-tikkun-olam-and-stuff

@whuarri

@whump-blog-reblogs

@whump-cravings

@whump-for-all-and-all-for-whump

@whump-me-all-night-long

@whump-my-heart-away

@whump-queen

@whumperfully

@whumpthisway

@whumpilicious

@whumpshaped

@whumpwillow

@whumpworld

@whumpy-writings

@whumpycries

@whumpyzombie

@whumpzone

@wits-and-wrongs

@wolfeyedwitch

[morningstar-chronicles]

do you have any agreste family headcanons for your dr?

definitely! but what kind largely depends on the DR, i think. i only have one miraculous DR listed on my pinned, but i have several kicking around in my head. so i'll just give you all of my headcanons! keep in mind i stopped watching the actual show a long time ago lmao

case #1: adrien and julian

despite adrien actually being older, julian acts older. adrien is still very much in the mindset of "i want to make my father proud!" and julian is kind of trying to act as a better role model for adrien to aspire to.

julian frequently dyes his hair loud colours and pierced his septum against parental consent (this is actually how he got the bull miraculous, which is a nose ring. master fu is the one who pierced julian's nose).

adrien wants to be a good role model for julian, and julian does want to look up to him to some extent, but their dynamic is very complicated considering how differently they feel about their father.

julian has wayyy more freedom than adrien (mostly because last time gabriel said no to something, julian pierced his septum. adrien would never).

julian models casual lineups for gabriel, and adrien models business and formal stuff. julian would have a lot more fun modelling for marinette though, since his style just doesn't match gabriel at all, and would probably completely turn on gabriel fashion as a company for one chocolate chip cookie. he absolutely fucks with marinette's ideas though- especially anything inspired by jagged stone.

despite looking like he would listen to emo or punk rock music -which he definitely does- he also hardcore vibes to taylor swift and other pop songs. once he stops doing things exclusively to piss off gabriel (i.e. once gabriel is dead) he gets into indie music and everything about him completely softens. he's a huge puppy dog.

julian gets perms. he also wears glasses (his father prefers him in contacts and makes him wear them for photoshoots).

adrien and julian are often forced to go to galas. their father doesn't attend with them. julian only goes if he can bring a friend, otherwise nathalie will have to drag a ragdoll julian into the car, and then julian lays on the floor of wherever the gala is until nathalie drags his ragdoll ass back home again. it's just a really bad look for the agrestes, honestly.

julian doesn't like felix. felix loves him like a brother. sometimes felix pretends to be adrien just so julian will tolerate him for a day. truthfully, julian doesn't like felix because he sees a lot of the things he doesn't like about himself in felix. he doesn't want to end up like that.

case #2: emilie's fertility treatments

this DR/AU stems from the popular headcanon that adrien is a sentimonster (did they make this canon??) because emilie had trouble conceiving- except instead of using dark magic, emilie just went to a fertility clinic like a normal person.

this resulted in five kids- the triplets (adrien, chase, and beau), and the twins (julian and emmy).

emilie was super excited to have all these kids, but died pretty promptly after the twins were born, so now they're all gabriel's problem.

adrien is the sweet summer child we all know him to be, and julian is of course julian.

emmy is julian's twin sister, and the only agreste girl. she's sporty and she's fun, and she's always nice to everyone. she and abby would be good friends!

chase is like adrien if adrien was kind of a dick. like, chase isn't actually rude or mean or anything, but he has sort of that energy to him where he probably would have been a bully in middle school and then grown out of it later in life. that is, if he ever went to school.

chase is a full-time model, and honestly has no interest in doing anything different. he's a nepo baby at it's finest. the only reason he would ever go to school is to make friends his age, but the condition of that would be keeping his grades up. besides, chase and chloe actually are good friends.

beau on the other hand is super interested in learning, but has no interest in making friends. he's extremely introverted and prefers to work on his own. he also doesn't go to public school.

adrien and chase are both models. beau is not. when he was little, gabriel tried to get them in triplet photoshoots and beau bit him. chase thought it was funny and considered also biting gabriel, but he actually likes all the attention he gets from modelling so he didn't.

adrien likes to braid emmy's hair. he learned to do a bunch of intricate styles so she could feel pretty even while they're not modelling.

emmy and chase model sports clothing, adrien and emmy model formal, business, and casual clothing, and again, julian models the most casual lineups.

gabriel cannot force all five kids to go, especially with no handler adult present. adrien, emmy, and chase go. sometimes julian goes just because he wants to bring me with him to impress me lmao 😭.

bonus: general headcanons, applicable to any miraculous DR

gabriel is a natural brunet. his hair is just white because he's old.

nathalie is working with gabriel because she's in love with emilie, not actually gabriel himself.

adrien views nathalie as his stepmom because he thinks she's in love with gabriel (gabriel also thinks this, but they're both wrong).

gabriel handed the butterfly miraculous down to lila because he views her as an apprentice. not quite like a daughter, because he does actively akumatize her and let her be in danger frequently, but he views adrien as a mirror of emilie and lila as a mirror of himself, and wants to be able to live vicariously through them. it's really weird and messed up.

hot take- i feel like emilie also wouldn't have been all that great of a parent. adrien is super attached to her obviously, but she would have been super fake and treated her kids more like accessories or therapists than kids. so, marginally better than gabe, but... still a pretty fucked up dynamic.

adrien has dimples, which he inherited from emilie. felix also has dimples, which he inherited from amelie. the only differences between them physically are that felix is slightly paler and adrien's hair has a slight wave to it that felix's doesn't have naturally. felix is also ever so slightly taller- only about a half-inch. only marinette and kagami can spot these differences.

this is either way more than you were expecting or not what you were looking for, but i had fun writing it!

[mengyao]

☔ for the ask game!

Is there a fic concept you have that you'd like to just explain and share because you're not sure you'll ever write it? If so, what is it?

I have way too many WIPs as it is so idk if I'll ever get to this but I have the dregs of an idea for a SQX + SWD fic set during their adolescent/young-adult transient waif cultivators-in-training era that's just............ extremely dire. abuse cw for like, all of this below jkdfhg

my vision is something from SWD POV that really gets into the muck re: what exactly one's mindset towards one's sibling must be in order to do... the things... that he does. and exploring the idea that like. in the way of many abusive dynamics, the relationship is structured around the idea of "you need me, you're weak and fragile and can't manage on your own and it's a good thing you have someone like me who loves you more than anyone else ever will and protects you from all the things you couldn't handle," but in fact the more dominant party is the one with the fragile ego that's dependent on having this lesser status person to provide for on conditional terms. like, they achieve feelings of agency and personal power through being in control of this other person, and they can't bear to consider that their lesser status person could actually manage as a whole human being without them--that would undermine their whole worldview and sense of self.

I have no actual plot ideas, I just keep getting my interest captured by the pre-ascension life-on-the-run period where SQX is living as a boy/young man after a childhood of being raised by a girl, and the variety of crossed streams and places of internal confusion about how to understand their self-concept and navigate the relationship with SWD now, while SQX is trying really hard to seem Normal to the outside world despite all the turbulence going on around them... but all of that filtered through SWD's eyes, I guess????

genuinely the main reason I have not put pen to paper wrt this in any way is that all the reasons I find it super compelling and fascinating are also reasons why I would find it quite hellish and upsetting to write... also like, oh the joys of writing something that is not "shipping fic" and has no obviously "over the line" events but where it would also feel irresponsible to not give it an incest content warning because there's enough of a radioactive vibe i feel like it could be triggering in that regard anyway

there are certain kinds of dark content i find neutral or even fun to write because i feel in control of the events and can do thought experiments about "extreme" emotions or situations and it just feels quite "safe", but this falls into a different category of being emotionally realistic enough and distanced enough from the more elevated "genre"-y elements that i think it would be cathartic to write but also super draining and dredge up a lot of Stuff !

[movedtodykedvonte]

Spamvil - 5, 12, 15

5. Who does what chores?

Bold of you to assume either does chores. But if I had to say Spamton would be do a lot of the cleaning; vacuuming, mopping, laundry and just a lot of the stuff revolving around keeping the house clean. I feel like Spamton likes having absolute control of the environment he'd be in due to the lack of control he had in his life previously. Organizing and having things his way and by his standard would be relieving, more so that it is directly by his hands and actions. Also, after living in the trash for years I feel like he'd be a bit of a neat freak after knowing he isn't forced to accept the filth he lives around. By extension he does a lot of the decorating in his and Jevil's shared space because he likes to make himself feel established in a place. Jevil can recommend stuff and add things but he finds Spam's unique decorating style amusing.

Jevil on the other hand would be like in charge of cooking and lawn stuff. If they had a pet of some kind, maybe walking and training it. Jevil was locked away for years, isolated without many outlets other than occasional bouts of violence for overzealous visitors. He does not need to be around chemicals to mix them into mustard gas but I feel like cooking would be fun for him. He can be experimental and wild with it as there's really no rules in cooking besides having fun and enjoying what you make (and not starting a fire). Spamton wouldn't care at all cause eating whatever Jevil makes would be infinitely better than the garbage he's been eating for years. Same rules apply for lawn stuff as I feel as if Jevil would fuck up a hedge and a pet gives him a reason to play and work off all his energy.

12. Who gets up the earliest? Who has the worst sleep schedule? Who is the sleepiest?

Ok as much as I like sleepy Jevil headcanons I like the idea the guy has to be tired out and then he sleeps like a log, like I feel like he rarely slept during their years in captivity due to understimulation. Too much pent up energy and just running around the cell in hopes to quell it. As such, he has objectively the worst sleep schedule as I feel like they won't sleep for days and then crash and sleep for a week. Sometimes they nap, but in like really light sleeper way where it's likely they are just waiting for you to get close so they can bite you.

Spamton is the sleepiest but more in the sense of constantly being tired due to everything he's been through and it weighing on his mind and body. He wakes up early and tries to set good habits but he's kinda over it but still wants to feel normal. I feel like he takes a lot of naps and Jevil just hovers around him in this state, they don't want to sleep but they like how the tension seems to melt off of Spamton when the puppet allows himself these moments of rest. I also like to think Spam likes to wake up early due to businessman standards.

15. Do they go on vacations together? Where is their favorite place to visit?

Spamton likes to travel, Jevil does not. I feel like Jevil doesn't care fro the idea of having to learn the rules and manners of a new place, preferring to cause havoc in what he considers his own domain. You'd think after being locked up Jevil would like to see a lot more but I feel it's the opposite. Jevil wants to regain a familiarity because all in all, Jevil's mindset is heavily surrounded by convention despite actively trying to defy it. Spamton on the other hand loves the idea of traveling. The guy has a weird dependence of proving purpose and life outside himself and moving around and seeing how he exists and is real in new environments would provide an odd comfort. Plus, it reminds him of how he got to travel as a big shot.

Seeing this conflict, and how they probably can't visit each of their home dark worlds anymore (answering this as if its after the fungang) they are limited to castle kingdom or maybe if they could get to the light world, hometown. So everything is probably just a staycation. I feel like if they could Spamton would just like sight seeing, looking around and just taking in how things are existing. I feel like he'd like parks or busy streets where he can both be a spec and in his own world. Jevil also likes this because these places are effectively blank canvases to him to goof off in. Another good contender is

I feel as every date staycation activities goes as Spamton trying to be normal about things and failing but in a way that won't get them kicked out, like listing horribly inaccurate facts about fish as an aquairim, while Jevil decides to get him a gift from the shop but the shop he went to was just the great white's tank.

My goal is to slightly subvert every ship cause I feel like we have not seen ever angle these fuckers are making out hard at.

[okage-kirana]

Yeah a Shadows House AU about the life of a child shadow born from two Unified Shadows sounds interesting

Instead of the Great Grandfather,we got the Great Grandmother. What if when two Unified Shadows gave birth to a child and they would be a family for a time until the child reached a certain age,about Kate's age when she started her life in the Manor,the child will be sent to a "boarding school" called Shadows Academy. They have teachers working for the Shadows House,an academy doesn't sound so far fetched at all

The child would be told it's mandatory for the children of their big "family" to go to the Academy when they reach a certain age by their parents

Man this scene can be fucked up,if the parents only viewed their child as a mere needed product for the House then they would probably sweetly lied to the child and said if they did it good, they can see their parents again and be deservedly rewarded, however if they don't succeed,they'll be abandoned and discarded as "Mother and Father do not need such a useless Son/Daughter"

It's feudal Europe, it's normal behaviour then it's still normal now though not really recommended by experts these days. Not to mention, Shadows House was originally a Japanese manga so Asian parents tendencies also work, this is also coming from me who's an Asian

It would be still be real sad angst if the parents grew attached to the child and grew to love their own offspring. They will probably try to make going to the Academy sounds fun, like you can new friends and meet your cousins from your 'aunts' and 'uncles',they can only hope that their child would be safe and sound when they're sent off,being traumatized isn't gonna be an option at the Academy

The Headmistress is also called the Great Grandmother. The House really emphasize family despite it's always "survival of the best" mindset when you live in the Shadows House

Also imagine the PARENTS-TEACHERS MEETING / INTERVIEW !!!!!

Teacher: Ma'am I'm sorry to tell you this but your child is getting bad grades

Mrs A: Oh my god!! *Literally fainted*

Mr A: Oh my god,honey wake up!!!!

---------------

Mr B: See I told you my child is much more better than that brat of yours!!!

Mr C: GODDAMN IT!!!!

---------------

_When the parents are invited to watch their children at their final exams:

Mrs D: IT'S OKAY SWEETIE MOMMY'S HERE!!!!

Teacher: Ma'am you can't go out there when your child is doing his/her test!!!!!

Could be similarly to the Debut system. I don't think the parents are allowed to personally visit their children unless they're invited. After all the first lesson the Academy would teach the new students is how to be independent from your parents and the "nest"

Quite a detailed AU ideas you got there www

Maybe you should really write it down and flesh it out more! It has potential, I can see the Shadow Academy part being used to really hammer down the absence of parental love within the Shadow Clan, that children truly have to prove their potentials or powers to be acknowledged as part of the family-- Just like how nobility seems to be.

(Man, Shadows are using 'nobility' to keep appearances but now that I think about it, they do have a mindset or system that acts similarly to an abusive nobility house.)

I'm very drawn to the idea of a pair of Shadows giving birth to unique Shadows. I'm sure most will be treating it just as another duty of a Shadow, but imagining some Shadows being very attached to their children yet having to let them go to survive by themselves are terrible. The amount of emotional crisis they'll be going through is something I want to see.

Also, at certain points, they will need to distinguish which children are born from married unified pairs, pure Shadow hybrid, or the normal ones with Living Dolls.

It's a gold mine for experiments. Just like how the Great Grandfather wants it.

[lunapwrites]

September Readings

So, the other day I did a whole ass Celtic Cross reading for September, instead of my usual 5 card pull. Just wanted to get a little extra context and direction. But also, I wanted to take some extra time with it this month and really, really sit with what it was showing me. And I think that was a good call.

For context, I started with more of a general question than I normally might have: what's our general outlook over the next 3-6 weeks? (I prefer to give CC readings a time frame so I can differentiate better between the future and outcome cards lol.) I then touched briefly on the main points I wanted to focus on: home renovation projects, writing, relationship stuff, etc.

It was... a lot of Swords. I don't normally get them a lot in readings, so when I do it tends to make me a little uneasy - especially cards like Ten. But contextually, I think the overall message here was actually rather positive (and gently scolding lol.)

So first... the cross...

Ace of Swords crossed by the Ten of Swords: we've got a lot going on right now! Lots of projects starting that really needed to be started, lots of stuff that's really engaging our brains - where are things going? How are we going to redesign our space? Will it work better? Will it work at all? It's taking a lot of planning and creativity to make happen. However, we've had a TON of setbacks and general negative bullshit happening to us throughout the process - issues with contractors, things breaking (or arriving pre-broken), shipments getting lost, a car accident, etc. It's all been getting to us a bit, and we've been kinda wallowing in our own misfortune to varying degrees, which isn't really great for keeping your brain engaged on the things you're working on. What this combination is asking us to do is quit stumbling through the streets, wailing and rending our clothes because One More Bad Thing happened, and to just get on with it - even if it sucks.

Queen of Wands in the Subconscious position: this loops back to the context of our Ace of Swords above, as this position kind of sets the foundation of the querent's mindset and position in the situation. In this context, she speaks to focused energies. We are committed to our path, and we're going to put everything we have into getting what we want. No flakiness to be found here - which considering this is an ADHD house, is amazing to hear lol.

Two of Cups in the Recent Past position: this particular card really is what cemented the idea that this reading is aimed at both of us for once lol. This card is usually a symbol of romantic love (especially new), but it can also represent partnership. Everything we're doing now is the result of joint decisions, and mutual support and effort. No one is in this alone. So despite all the bullshit, we've got each other to lean on, and that's huge. (This plus the Queen signal that we're working off a very strong foundation, and that we've at least started off in the right direction.)

King of Swords in the Crown position: so this is basically like... the aspirational self. And in the past, I might have seen this card and handwaved it away as only representing my partner (who does frequently show up as the Kings in my readings, FWIW) but it does go a little deeper than that this time. This card represents logic and intellect above all else. In short, the need to make firm, well-researched decisions before moving forward. In other words, right now we're trying to do a ton of reading and measuring and comparisons before we move forward with anything. That seems like it's been serving us well so far.

2 of Swords in the Self position: okay so this is where my deck starts calling me out for filth, because this card has to do with choices, or rather: indecision. This is something that I struggle with a ton in general, but also particularly with a lot of these changes we have going on. I get so hung up on what ifs and on others opinions that I freeze up and wait for someone else (namely my partner) to pick. That's not really cool, and it's definitely a source of some tension right now (I'm not the only one in the house suffering from executive dysfunction and decision fatigue.) I'm reading this as asking me to basically just shut up and pick one, and if it's the wrong choice, deal with it then, because...

7 of Pentacles in the Future position: I have been getting this card a LOT lately, which makes sense given the projects we're working on and the goals we're working towards - even with my writing. Progress is SLOW but it is STEADY and we are laying the groundwork for success. As long as we keep at it, we will succeed. But more importantly for our dopamine-chasing lizard brains: while the fruits of our labors are not going to be immediately evident, we're going to see some results soon. OR, worst case scenario, the proper foundations will have been laid.

Now for the staff.

8 of Swords in the Environment position: the whole point of this card is about feeling stuck, but not actually being stuck. All I have to do is try and I can most likely solve a lot of my problems myself. But anyway this one goes hand in hand with the Two, supporting the idea that I need to just do it. Adjustments can be made later, but you can't adjust nothing.

Eight of Pentacles in the Hopes and Fears position: this is a very encouraging card overall. It represents slow but steady progress, hard work, and building towards success. We're most likely on the right track, and we should keep up the good work. :)

Ten of Cups in the Outcome position: this is hands down one of the best cards to get in this position. Tens typically symbolize a sense of completeness, whether it's the end of a cycle or the achievement of a goal - and the Ten of Cups is no different. It's the happy family card. Lots of joy and contentment here (and honestly if the way I felt after I reorganized the pantry I now have was any indication, then this tracks lol.) Also, the timeline lines up with our family vacation, so... there's that lmao.

So what does this all mean in the context of the month? Basically, that it's gonna get off to a rough start, but gradually get better - so long as we actively work to make it so, and don't let ourselves wallow in the bad. Fair enough!

As for the runes and Oracle cards...

Kenaz: light, creative fire. For once, not showing up reversed lol. Might be that the brain gremlins are looking to behave!

Ansuz, reversed: communication, or rather a lack thereof in this context. There's going to be some breakdowns.

Berkana: new beginnings, growth. Lots of stuff getting set up now that mean we can actually put plans into action this month, so here's hoping!

Death: despite the name, this is similar to the tarot card in that it is more about change and transformations - consider the moth! As well as the moon (cycles.) Things are ending and beginning.

Protect: this one I'm admittedly a bit fuzzy on, but worth noting that it includes the planetary symbol for Earth. Could also include the sun, but tbh I'm getting more holy mother and child here. Gotta think about how that one fits in.

Anyway, that's September's reading (posted several days late lol.) Let me know in the comments if you've got any different reads on this than I do. :)

[notdrifting]

some quick notes on my portrayal of lady d and shipping under the cut - ah, also ? please be mindful and respectful that me sharing my own hcs and portrayal do not necessarily mean that i claim that other hcs and portrayals of other muns are wrong. everybody is entitled to their own hcs and understandings of characters, there’s literally no right or wrong there.

as i have mentioned before  i do not accept nor ship maidens/lady d, she wouldn’t fuck nor fall in love with her own food - with that being said, shipping with her is complicated.  and i feel compelled to express my firm stance against endorsing or engaging in any romantic plots or shipping involving lady d and the maidens under her employ. i see such relations as deeply problematic due to not only the inherent power imbalance in their dynamics and the exploitative nature of their relationship. as much as a queer icon as she is to us all, it is crucial to remember that alcina is and will always be ( except perhaps in aus, of course ) a cruel vampire who feasts on human flesh and effectively keeps these girls as pretty much prisoners/slaves, considering them far beneath her and her daughters in the food chain, depriving them of their autonomy and personhood. with that in mind, romanticising such a relationship could not only perpetuate harmful tropes, but also normalize abuse ( which is a big no no as you can see in my rules ), and i don’t want any of that here. alcina's callous disregard for the well-being of the maidens is an essential aspect of her character, and any attempt to force her into a romantic relationship with them would pretty much undermine her consistency as a character and the gravity of her actions. furthermore, this sort of relationship portrayal may lead to a faux idea that abusive dynamics can be redeemed through love, a notion that can be harmful and manipulative. i am always eager to explore alternative storylines that empower the maidens though, allowing them to break free from their oppressive situations, form supportive bonds, and assert their agency. so yes, i am steering clear of romanticizing these harmful relationships, however in case anyone wants to explore other dynamics i’m 100% here for it. lady d probably would never fall in love or be attracted to a human, that is a regular human, as she finds weakness ( and she deems all humans weak ) disgusting. to get her attention they need to be powerful but not enough to pose as a threat to her or her daughters.

i write her a sapphic demisexual demiromantic as, to me personally, it makes sense considering what i saw of her and the other hcs i have for her - although most hc ( and i say hc because it wasn’t formally confirmed nor denied by capcom itself and despite one of the writers giving his opinion on it in a rather jkr w/ albus fashion, as it is re8 is a collaborative work and in the end the decision to make something canon or not is capcom’s ) her as a lesbian and i have no issue with that,  as a fellow queer i do find the entire man-hating-lesbian trope to be rather harmful. my main issue with this trope is that it follows patriarchal, hetero-normative ideas that often refuse to acknowledge the idea that a relationship between two women can exist on its own without having anything to do with men  ( as most hcs that i have seen are deeply linked to her misandrist personality and the mindset that just because she hates men she is automatically a lesbian ), the trope is flawed, simple minded and rather disrespectful to the sapphic community ( the trope suggests same-sex relationships are rooted solely in disdain for men, trivializing and undermining genuine emotions and love within them ). now, does that mean you cant hc her as lesbian? of course you can! her being lesbian or not is not the issue, hcing her as a lesbian should have nothing to do with this bad trope and we are all free to hc whatever we want that makes sense and relates to us individually, but let us all be mindful of the sexist tropes the fandomTM and the media loves to apply to female characters. as it is, since no official announcement has been made by capcom regarding the character so far, i will write her within the aro/ace spectrum for my own comfort, which i will  explain best in the next section

although she is within the aro/ace spectrum i don’t necessarily belive her to be sex repulsed per se,  though it is worth noting she is nowhere near inclined on having flings or one night stands at all -  ever since day one that she called the attention of the re fandom and from all sort of people, sadly as it usually goes with attractive female characters in media, she was painfully fetishised to no end. that makes me severly uncomfortable and has driven me off from writing her in the past. my portrayal will not focus on her sex appeal to the point of objectifying her, if at all. i want to go beyond that and bring out  depth and authenticity, exploring more than just her appearance. lady d is a lot more than just “tall vampire mommy makes me go brrrr”  she's complex and fascinating, that's why i think it'd be awesome to showcase her forming deep emotional bonds before experiencing sexual or romantic attraction ( if any ). this adds a whole new layer to her identity, and while i'm totally down for some fun shipping, it will be handled it with care. i’m all about respect and creating inclusive fan content that celebrates her character and explores different aspects of her life and relationships.  so while her natural despite for men in general still remains and her usual cruelty to those women who serve her is also present, she'll be free to explore relationships within her demi orientation in case plotting happens. of course some lighthearted flirting might appear every once in a while, but they will be nothing but crack. for actual shipping severe plotting is necessary.

[fangaminghell]

Hnnnng I have no idea if this'll make sense BUT

Leo and Blair go on the Ho-Oh and Lugia quest together. Leo goes after Charlotte and Blair goes after Saphira. Before this, on the way there, poor Blair experiences the desert for the first time and fucking hates it. Xe hate it so much.

Anyway, with Charlotte and Leo, two younger siblings with trauma,I don't exactly think they're going to really bond over it? Like they are binding but not about their traumas. Leo is in the mindset that he's complaining about his own trauma, and doesn't want Char to feel worse. They do bond over being younger siblings, however. Suraya is brought up briefly, however. Not for long, since it's clear that Leo doesn't want to think about it. Richard isn't even brought up either. I think Charlotte is more in her own feelings to really ask about him, outside of a quick jab ( though Leo shoots her a glare for it). She already feels sucky, she doesn't want to think of the douche bag that Leo's dating.

For Blair and Leo they actually talk a lot. I mentioned before how these two parallel each other: dragon and ice,both of them raised themselves to believe they are a certain thing and they are only good for that one thing. Saphira was a protector of her family, and Blair for the longest time thought xe had nothing. And yet, Blair was seemingly able to heal more than Suraya-I don't think that's the case. Blair is better, of course: xe found xyr passion, found xyr sister, even got to beat up xyr abuser. But despite all that, xe have no idea what xyr doing. Things should feel secure but they just don't. Xe suddenly have a younger sibling to take care for, something xe aren't super equipped for. And there's them studying to be a pokemon professor on top of that. And the anomalies!!! So what I'm getting at is that Blair 100% gets Saphira's struggles. It's just that xyr more stuck in this weird limbo of looking to the past, present and future. Xe just don't know what xyr doing, stumbling along as xe go.

Blair and Saphira also talk about Leo and Suraya. For Leo, xe both express xyr concern for Leo and disdain for Richard. I feel like both have tried to talk to Leo about it, but between Leo's defensiveness and the other twos not so great communication skills, it all ends in a bust. Saphira would mention her hatred for just sitting back and watching their relationship go on, and while Blair agrees, xe think it's the best thing they can do, outside of getting Leo to go on missions without Richard ( which has been getting increasingly hard). Arclight, by this point, has seen the damage and feels absolutely terrible for it, and agreed to try and make Richard do more shifts to keep the two apart ( Arclight wouldn't fire him, sadly).

They also talk about Suraya. Obviously, they do. It's kinda a big elephant in the room. They both loved her ( Blair platonically and Saphira romantically, but she has kinda been burying those feelings for revenge which is no longer obtainable). Saphira never properly mourned her and while recent events have led all of them to believe she's still out there,she still isn't. It devastated her more than she wanted to admit when she found out she was gone. That combined with everything else just led to a lot of bad. She wonders if Suraya would have been disappointed in her, seeing her act out the way she did. Blair doesn't know. Xe do know that she still accepted him even when she knew he used to be an assassin. Still valued xem as a friend. Blair don't doubt that Suraya would stop loving Saphira for her behavior. Worried? Yes, absolutely. But no hatred in her body....unless you've done something to piss her off.

Saphira: "She's too kind"

Blair: "She really is"

I....I think Saphira cries during their talk. Blair does too. Saphira is thankful for Blair's comfort, but is bitter that she lets xem in rather than her own sisters. Blair says that she can work on it. They both can.

After that, the quest goes on as normal. Afterwards, I can see Saphira and Blair growing in friendship. That get each other a lot. This does mean that Blair has to make sure Saphira doesn't murder Blake, yes. But honestly I think their friendship is truly beautiful :).

[capsule-novak]

When I was eleven or twelve years old I had an idea for a story that took place in a Victorian-era European city, where girls were all forced to be blindfolded once they turned 10, and were raised completely separated from their fathers or brothers to be taught how to be obedient slaves and housewives to the men that would soon buy them at auctions once they turned 16. They were forced to live their lives blinded because it made sure that absolute power was kept in the hands of the men in that city. This was seen as normal in that story, and the main character was going to be a man who fell in love with a girl bought by his father, and how he, with her influence, helped slowly destroy the system from the inside and helped his lover escape the city with dozens of other women.

I told my mom about the story because I wanted to post about it online. She told me that it was interesting, but that people my age probably wouldn't like it, and it was very likely that people were going to judge me for it. 'Its just a story' I told her, 'its not like I actually want this to happen. That would be stupid.'

She told me "I know, but other people will assume." I didn't get it. I posted the short world-building paragraph I wrote onto a DeviantART journal.

Of course my friends and peers, who were my age (between 11-16) had varying opinions on it but very clearly knew that this fake story was not a reflection of who I actually was as a person. I very clearly remember a comment from a friend maybe a year older than me saying; "It's interesting! The slave stuff made me a bit uncomfortable, but I would read something like this for sure :D I want to know what happens, so keep writing it!"

I was pretty happy to see my friends talking about what parts of it intrigued them and what parts didn't!! But then the next day I had gotten a slew of comments from someone who I looked up to- someone who was already dipping their toes into the animation industry, who I admired for years and wanted to befriend so badly- telling me to delete the journal post.

"What you've written is disgusting and sexist and wrong, and if you decide to pursue the story and keep this up, I'll have to reconsider our friendship."

Cut to me, eleven years old, not even knowing what the word "sexist" means, absolutely PETRIFIED at the idea of someone who I look up to so much no longer wanting to be my friend. This grown person, leaving multiple different comments not only on the journal itself but on my main page, on my recent art work, all telling me to delete it and "rethink your mindset" or else I would face the consequence of no longer being someone they considered a friend. I was so fucking sad and angry at myself. I deleted the story and never touched it again, even when a mutual friend of mine (he was maybe 13) asked to write a short story based on the world-building journal I put up.

I didn't even know what sexism or misogyny was because I was ELEVEN but I still ended up exploring these morbid themes anyway, because it interested me, and the idea of such a dark world was so novel to me. My peers, my mother, they all encouraged me to write it despite what they thought of certain themes... But one single person who I thought very highly of snuffed out any motivation I had to pursue it because I was scared of what they were saying and I didn't want them to hate me.

I just think about it a lot nowadays, how if I was still eleven, and wanted to post that story online, how I'd immediately get flamed not just by someone I looked up to, but probably every single one of my friends and peers as well. How I could be threatened and called a disgusting creep, called even worse things than simply "a sexist misogynist" by an adult who didn't know me at all.

All this discourse has me remembering things

Like, how as a young kid, before I had the words for it, I was writing HELLA darkfic. Like at 10-12 years old, I was writing the most fucked up shit I could think of. Stuff antis would consider “pedophilic”, such as (real example, trigger warning) a world in which young girls were raised in isolation, given numbers instead of names, sold to adult men as soon as they hit puberty, and losing value with each year they gained, ABS eventually being killed at 17 if they’d not yet been bought.

Yeah, it’s really not any wonder that I ended up destroying all of these writings, never sharing or completing any of them. At 10 years old, long before I was aware of this debate, I was already ashamed of myself for exploring these topics and thoughts in the only way I knew how. Possibly the only healthy option for me at the time. I feel so bad for kids like me who are growing up on the internet, seeing confirmation of their fears that people will see them as a bad person for creating that type of fiction. For even entertaining those ideas in your head. I hope they turn out okay and reclaim some creative liberty for themselves.

And honestly? I may need to nourish that ashamed little kid inside me too. I haven’t written in years; I lost all motivation some time in 2020. And when I think back on everything I’ve ever written, when I think of those dark fics, I hate to admit it, but they’re the only thing I truly ever wrote for myself and myself only, without showing anybody else. And that’s important I think. I want to rediscover my creative process, and uncover all the little things about myself I’ve been pushing down for years.

Art is healing and art is discovery. Antis can stay mad that we’re doing these things through obscene means. It only encourages me more. And I hope to do the same for others.