#i love not giving a fuck anymore
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you’re really defending a “county” that murdered thousands of children?? it’s not about antisemitism it’s literally just basic human decency and empathy. You’re not helping the jewish community, you’re a shame.
1. i’ve quite literally not mentioned israel in almost any of my original posts. you don’t know my stance on the conflict, but you DO know my opinions on antisemitism. so perhaps sending me this ask on anon is… how you say… antisemitic?
2. this is blood libel. hope this helps!
3. if talking about antisemitism and pointing out the double standards and dehumanization in how israel, israelis and jews are treated makes me a shame to the jewish community, then i hope to be the biggest shame in the world. also, who the fuck are you to tell me i’m a shame to my community? are you jewish? come off anon and tell me directly what you think of me and my community.
4. and for the record, i will never blindly defend any country or government entity but i will always defend the right for jews to exist and have autonomy in their homeland. cope!
#i love not giving a fuck anymore#like please PLEASE try and bring up real arguments about whatever is happening#i swear i’m capable of talking about this and arguing about it#i actually have fhe education now lol#but THIS?? this is all you got? lame boooo tomatoes throwing tomatoes#anyways ur lame do better#antisemitism#judaism#jumblr#israel
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The internet is funny in that here you can just rant about and block people who like certain media but doing such a thing irl would be just fuckin wild
#i love not giving a fuck anymore#not that i'm interacting much with anyone on the internet. like social media.#outside of the people i'm already interacting with. that circle really hasn't grown#but image telling someone in your class or at your job how sorry but if you're a fan of x i'm not talking to you
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he's so crazy we can't take him anywhere 😭🤣
#how atlus felt making the black mask design by far the most visually disturbing horrific thing witnessed by human eyes#what the FUCK is he wearing. what is that fucking OIL SPILL#didnt even BOTHER looking up a reference bc it was so hideous i didnt want to see it again.#“a persona users outfit reflects their desires and the manifestation of their persona” IS LOKI SUPPOSED TO BE A FUCKING ZEBRA???????????????#I CANT TAKE IT ANYMORE THEY DID HIM SO DIRTY#ONLY GOOD THING ABT HIS OUTFIT IS THE SEXY SERRATED SWORD THAT COMES WITH IT#anyway i genuinely dont give a fuck if this isnt the canon design i refuse to draw that one#there is no way this bitch was the one behind all the mental shutdowns he looks like he cant even hold a sword 😭😭 stupid femboy twink😭😭#anyway i digress i loved watching his sanity rapidly deteriorate as he got the deer in headlights stare when he looked at you#anyway akechi flopped with this one 0/10 don't come back like this again#imagine dying in this fit not even the flames of hell would burn hotter than my unadultered rage 💀💀#persona 5#persona 5 royal#p5#p5r#goro akechi#akechi goro#lotus draws
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oh shit it’s life is strange season
please click for full resolution!!
#video games don’t give camp like this anymore#and it’s fucked#life is strange 1 will always be a comfort game#i love my girl max#life is strange#life is strange fanart#lis fanart#max caulfield#chloe price#life is strange 1#fanart#digital fanart#fanartist
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do any other artists feel like. yeah you're a 'good artist' because you draw things that look nice, but like. TECHNICALLY? you're really not great
i really hate that i can recognise that yes, my art is good, but is it VARIED? is it dynamic?? is my anatomy good? is it full of texture and colour theory? do i know how to do This? can i do That? no, not really. and that's quite painful actually
#ramble#yes this is the artist's perspective bs and yes this is anxiety because it's 1am#and yes i'm forever learning and growing but also#aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa.#drawing my little guys is fun but i am not good enough for the industry right now and that fucking sucks#i really feel like if i walked into a studio with my portfolio right now they would laugh at me#one of those days where i wish i'd done a more useful degree y'know#i'm going back through the phase where i don't know what i'm going to be anymore and it's scary#some days i really want to give it up and never draw again and do something worthwhile because i Know my life would be easier#and i hate that something i love so much makes me feel so hopeless#signs that i should go to bed ^^^^#i will resume my pity party tomorrow
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Megumi Rant bc I'm So Tired
I was gonna talk about 271 and the ending chapters of JJK in general, specifically focusing on how Shonen Jump puts a hard end date on each series it publishes (which are based on conversations with the mangakas, sure, but with no leeway once it’s determined because SJ wants to keep cycling through new publications in order to keep making money - and those hard line end dates cannot possibly account for, say, sudden illness that would prevent a mangaka from releasing a chapter) and how it’s the best end to the series that many fans could have asked for given that info, but I’m tired and I don’t feel like yelling at a wall, so here’s a rebuttal aimed at a lot of Megumi hot takes™ I’ve seen since, really, 269 dropped.
Obligatory thing up front bc I know the JJK fandom hates reading and critical thought more than anything in the world, and that it operates on a very "but what about me" mentality: It's totally fine if you are dissatisfied with JJK in general or even just the ending. It's totally fine if you have mixed feelings about the way the story was wrapped up. It's totally fine if you think it could have been handled better even given the above information in the link above on how SJ operates. I'm not telling you to feel a certain way, but I'm walking you through the end of the story (read: Megumi's character specifically) bc I am so fucking tired of reading bad takes about "Gege hating Megumi" or whatever.
Holding everyone's hands as I go through these. Let's take these steps in shedding directionless rage together.
(Forewarning that this is long as hell. Gomen.)
Common Argument Number 1: Megumi didn’t have a character arc/didn't grow as a character
The first thing that needs to be understood to realize why this is wrong is that all of the characters in JJK have arcs based around power - gaining it, losing it, being overwhelmed by it, and so on. This is not new information as of the last few chapters; we've known for years now that JJK isn't a story that's focused on deep introspection nor prolonged emotional development. Power. Cursed Techniques. That's where Gege kept his focus. However, it's impossible to write a story with heavy themes of loss and fear and love without touching into a character's emotions at all, some of which become central enough to turn into arcs. (We'll circle back to this in just a moment.) The second thing that needs to be understood here is that, in the general sense of All Media (and not just JJK), not all character arcs have to span the entire length of a story. A full and complete character arc (which is to say, the movement that happens while a character is actively changing) can happen in half of a story or less, and it is no less satisfying for having done so. Now, what does all of that have to do with Megumi? Very explicitly, it means that Megumi not only experiences growth as a character, but that he also goes through not one, but two character arcs. ((He's not the only character with two arcs, but he's the reason for this post, so you guys can track down the others on your own.)) Both of his arcs are complete, in my opinion, even if they're not 100% satisfying. But satisfaction isn't the argument here, so we can touch on that later. Maybe. Megumi's first arc (his power arc) starts right out of the gate, but it doesn't begin to take shape until the chapters at the detention center (I would argue it specifically starts to become an "arc" [which is to say, experiences movement] right at the point where Yuuji dies - this is the inciting incident in Megumi's story), and it concludes during the Culling Games (the exact place of it's conclusion is a little waffle-y for me but it's between either the moment he is able to use his technique to beat someone solo within the depths of his shadows OR the exact moment that Sukuna looks at him and thinks that he's strong enough now to be Sukuna's vessel). This arc follows Megumi coming to terms with the reality that if he wants to save people, he needs to get stronger and he needs to get more in touch with the side of himself that is/creates his CT. And he accomplishes that. Is there more growth in this department that he could have had? Yes, absolutely. Taming Mahoraga, a fully realized domain expansion, etc. All of that could have happened, but none of that needs to happen in order for this arc to be complete. He sought power, he got power, and he used it to save people. That's a fully realized and completed arc. Megumi's second arc (his emotional arc) happens during the time Sukuna is wearing him like a suit. This arc has nothing at all to do with anything that happens before this point in time (it has nothing to do with power, nothing to do with fighting, nothing to do with saving people). Before this, Megumi's emotional state is fairly stagnant; any goals and/or momentum that he has outside of wanting to become stronger are usually skipped over or not acknowledged at all. Once his bodily autonomy is stripped from him, all that's left is emotion. And we get to see a complete emotional arc here - starting in stagnation, inciting incident of being possessed, and then the slow chipping away of his resolve as Sukuna kills his sister and performs a ritual to suppress Megumi's soul completely. Megumi is at his lowest point here, but he overcomes it and chooses to live. That's a complete arc. That's a conclusion. No amount of wanting him to mourn Gojo or of wishing for This, That, or The Other things change the fact that his arcs do in fact reach natural conclusions within the story.
Common Argument Number 2: Megumi didn't have a satisfying conclusion
I think this argument is a bit of a pull from a misunderstanding that revolves around argument number one. People are looking for an arc that is wrapping up in the final chapters, and they're upset that they're not finding it. And the reason they're not finding it is because, as mentioned above, Megumi's arcs concluded before he regained consciousness post-Shinjuku. Also, this may come as a shock to some people, but "satisfying" is relative. Which also means that I can't exactly argue against what people are feeling, because in this specific instance, it's all feelings based. But that doesn't mean I'm not going to try!! I already covered that Megumi fully concluded both of his arcs, so it's not that he's lacking in power or emotional development. I think what people get stuck on is what Megumi says before he begins to fight back against Sukuna: that he wants to try to live for someone else. A lot of readers seem to take this as a step backwards for him, a return to who he was before everything in the story, but I disagree. I think it's actually a large step forward for him and, beyond that, I think it's realistic beyond simply satisfying the narrative. At the beginning of the story, Megumi is living for nothing. It's common for the fandom to think he's living for Tsumiki, but she's fully comatose and cursed; I doubt that he's living for her. At most he's living just in case a miracle happens and she wakes up, but that's not living for her. He's in what I think of as a transitional space, and he's stuck there. He's the only one in his year at Jujutsu Tech, he's not trying to develop his CT, he's just existing - going on missions and rolling his eyes at Gojo and doing school work. At the end of the story, Megumi actively chooses life. He had a way out, he felt that in many ways he was already dead - or at the very least, that he was irredeemable and better off dead. But he chooses to live. He chooses to fight back. And, more than that, he chooses to become an active participant in life. Yes, for him that means living for Yuuji, but even that still requires wanting to keep going, wanting to keep putting one foot in front of the other. He wants to face the world and all it has to offer - despite all the bad, and maybe in spite everything he went through. That's a satisfying character conclusion in my eyes. Everyone wants realistic representation of the struggle surrounding mental illness and how victories with them are not as "grand" as for neurotypical people until they're actually presented with realistic representation. Then all of a sudden it's "bad writing" and "unsatisfying" because the character didn't end the story without any gaps or holes and with a perfect little bow wrapped around their neck. God forbid there be an implication that a character gets to continue to live and grow beyond the last page. Anyway, just because he didn't have the conclusion you wanted for him that you built up in your head after years of living with the fanon version of Megumi you created doesn't mean his conclusion was bad or unsatisfying.
Common Argument Number 3: Megumi's characterization went right back to how it was during the Culling Game arc
...Duh??? I mean... where else was his personality and his behavior supposed to go? He spent a month completely suppressed by Sukuna. The only thing he was going to do without intervention is regress, not progress. What happened to Megumi when Yuuji reached out to him was him coming back to himself - and the only "himself" he had in recent memory was who he was immediately before Sukuna took over. Character progression cannot happen in stagnation, and stagnation is all Megumi had while he was suppressed in the bath™. Expecting any of that to change him for the better or to push him in any "forward" momentum is, quite honestly, ridiculous. The only direction Megumi could have gone is backwards, and he is (which means also we are) just lucky that he was able to be dragged into the version of himself that had already grown and that was waiting for his return.
Common Argument Number 4: Megumi didn't do anything during the fight against Sukuna
What gets me about this stance is that it seems to be the only one shared between the "shonen bros" who only read manga for the fight scenes and the hardcore Megumi stans who wish so desperately that he was the main character of the series. But like... what do you want him to do, here, exactly? Somehow find within himself the urge to get up and fight what seems to be a losing battle after watching his own hands kill not only his sister but the most prominent adult figure in his life? Resist all on his own (with no prior arc moments to support it) whatever mystical magical bs makes the bath™ work in keeping his soul suppressed? Do you want a good and well-structured character arc with logical emotional weight, or do you just want your favorite character to defeat a villain that is not "his" villain? I'll wait. Megumi's struggles during this story arc are internal, and his inability to fight is reflective of that. If he were to be resisting against Sukuna the whole time - trying to wrest control of his CT back or attempting to attack Sukuna's soul himself - then we would still be sitting in his power arc during this time. Megumi's inaction is physical representation of the inner turmoil and struggle that he was in during the fight, and I don't think that's very hard to understand. He is fighting; it's just that he's fighting himself. And he wins that fight. And he does do something in the fight against Sukuna. I firmly believe that Megumi choosing to live sealed the deal on Sukuna's death. Why else would Sukuna have been panicking so hard and doing everything he could to keep Megumi depressed and stuck in the ruts of his mind? If Megumi hadn't chosen life, hadn't decided he wanted to keep fighting in that moment, Sukuna would still be kicking. I don't think it's a stretch, actually, to say that Megumi delivered the blow that weakened Sukuna to Yuuji's kill shot. Megumi was integral to the fight - he just needed to go through his emotional arc first.
I'm sure I'm missing things, I'm sure I forgot things. But this isn't college and I'm not writing for a grade. What I am is tired of both Megumi hate and Gege hate. Megumi is a well-written character who is good representation of depression (at minimum), and who is also not the fucking main character. Like, I'm sorry that the character you project your mental illness onto acts mentally ill, and I'm sorry your favorite character is a side character who is written like a side character. These things tend to happen.
Yes, obviously, more could have been done with him and the wrapping of his character (and all of the characters) if the ending wasn't rushed, but that's not Gege's fault. Blame capitalism if you want to point fingers. JJK isn't the first manga with a rushed ending for exactly that reason, and it won't be the last.
Okay, I have to force myself to stop talking or we'll be here forever but:
The ending of JJK is not "bad writing," it's the best outcome that could have happened given the time constraints and publication constraints.
I agree that it would have been nice to see acknowledgements from the characters of the trauma they went through, but also I think that those things realistically take time. I don't think it's unreasonable that their first instinct would be to pretend that everything is normal for as long as they can. However, Megumi was not handled poorly, and he was not abandoned by Gege, and Gege does not hate him. He was well-written start to finish, and he was given a lovely ending that leaves his future wide open for possibilities.
Take a deep breath and stop trying to be the loudest voice in the room. Look at the text and supplement it with reality and the hard truths of a really shitty work culture, and understand that being upset is valid, but it's not valid enough to justify seething hatred for a mangaka whose entire work you probably read for free <3
#jjk#jjk manga spoilers#jjk spoilers#jjk meta#fushiguro megumi#argue with a wall i'm so tired of reading incorrect and irrational emotionally driven takes that are presented as deep literary analysis#everyone is so fucking loud about how much they 'hate gege' and i don't think it's a funny bit anymore i think you fuckers r serious#anyway i love megumi. so much. and none of y'all give him the respect he deserves#it's 2am and i'm tired so take this as it is <3
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isn't it a little messed up that in orv your story is you. your soul. your sense of self. your life. and your relationships
isn't it a little fucked up that yoo joonghyuk thought that his story came to an end when the lone reader went away. that his life ended when kim dokja left. save me from this hell
#joongdok#orv#the fact hes giving emphasis to his reader but not his author urghhh#when he cant handle it anymore he goes to her so that he can die#when he wants to die he goes to his author but when he wants to live he seeks his reader im gonna be sick first thing in the morning#and he wants to live more than anything despite his tragedy#fuck you orv (affectionate)#yoo joonghyuk#kim dokja#i swear i love them a normal amount (lie)
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i hate james vowles so much for acting like this big papa bear like hes protecting logan at the beginning of the season just to be the most disrespectful motherfucker like 10 minutes later. every week it was a new thing about logan’s replacement and him underperforming and all that shit when he didn’t have the same car as alex for half the damn season and it was very clear that the team had no faith in him as evidenced in australia. the whole 45 seconds of cheering at sainz’ signing?? jesus it’s just so disrespectful if i were logan i would leak anything i could get my hands on just to get an inch of revenge for everything that team put him through.
#also the whole kimi antonelli replacing him saga??#i fucking hate james vowles and i hate williams racing#posing as a big family and then logan is the black sheep#thank god to american sponsors for forcing them to give him another season so all this shit could be exposed#and james can’t pose like a nice guy anymore#ugh i remember posting about how much i loved him at the beginning of the season#f1#logan sargeant#williams racing#formula 1
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Chuuya was a fiery person.
He learned that the only way to be truly respected was to be irritable and commanding — it worked. He was right. Being weak and folding to other people's will was not part of him anymore, he was Chuuya with a capital C and he was the untouchable executive of the Port Mafia — he didn't need anyone else, he had himself, respect, relative safety, and a stupid mackerel to kill.
Oh, and he had you.
OR
chuuya nakahara's loving written by a chuuya kinnie projecting herself into her work.
Warnings: nothing much, just chuuya's thoughts on love and himself. A dash of angst if you really think about how lonely he is...
Chuuya was a fiery person.
He learned that the only way to be truly respected was to be irritable and commanding — it worked. He was right. Being weak and folding to other people's will was not part of him anymore, he was Chuuya with a capital C and he was the untouchable executive of the Port Mafia — he didn't need anyone else, he had himself, respect, relative safety, and a stupid mackerel to kill.
Oh, and he had you.
And the untouchable executive had to rest, too.
Chuuya had his arms wrapped around you while your head laid against his chest, and his on the pillows. He was so tired, you could feel it when you were this close to him — but you could also feel he was content with just being here with you, holding you in silence.
He couldn't begin to imagine how he even got himself here. He loved you so much, he was so sure of that — you were everything to him. You understood him so deeply, sympathized with him, cared for him, been there to listen to his shitty childhood, been there when he was drunk and tired and mean. Been there through both his best and his worst.
There was a silence he couldn't fill with words. He didn't know what to do with these feelings half the time. You were just so, so precious to him. He didn't want to lose you. He couldn't lose you, it'd ruin him forever. Losing you now would be like dying.
He'd sacrifice his life for you, he'd dedicate his soul to you, and if the world was against you — then he was sending a goddamn planet out of orbit. But Chuuya knew you didn't even want that. You wanted him to love and to be loved — to be human. He never had someone like you before, you proved to him so many times you didn't want his power, or his position, or his potential. You wanted him, you liked how human he was despite of what he was. You commented on his care and loyalty and his compassion — you separated him from the other vile humans, you said he was so much more than them. You loved him without obligating him to love you in return.
You were his proof of humanity. What a joke. Did you even know what you were getting yourself into? What it meant to love someone like him — someone who was just lines of code, stuffed into skin and bones? Someone who had accepted that they couldn't be truly loved long before you? Someone who's very existence flawed them? Someone who wasn't even human? Didn't you know — or did you not care?
Chuuya sighed against you now. He could feel you were asleep in his arms. He needed to protect you, he needed to keep you close to him — you made him feel human. You were proof he could love, he could feel, he could live. That he didn't have to feel guilty for existing. He didn't have to have a purpose — he could live and laugh and love without being useful. It sounded like a fever dream to a boy who was made to be a weapon.
Chuuya started lowly humming a tune into the cold air of the room. The song was familiar — his mother had sung it to him. He could barely remember it. He definitely had a life before this. He probably had a mother, a father, old childhood friends, even siblings —
— but this was okay, too.
He couldn't believe you were here with him. He couldn't believe he had someone that could accept him. Someone who didn't just tolerate him, or use him — someone who loved him. You loved him so genuinely and deeply that you would sacrifice your happiness just like he would his own. You gave him more than respect, you gave him stability. You gave him the feeling of home he had never truly felt.
Chuuya Nakahara was a fiery person.
But he had always yearned for a gentle love.
║Ⓒ reapkusho on tumblr. 2024. all rights reserved. refrain from translating, copying, or stealing in any way, etc.
#—reaper writes.#bsd#bungou stray dogs#bsd chuuya#bsd chuuya nakahara#bungou stray dogs chuuya#chuuya x reader#bsd chuuya x reader#chuuya nakahara#ok notes time#this is totally me projecting the type of love i want#but never received of course#chuuya and i just want to be loved. unconditionally#is that too much to ask chat#CHAT PLEASE#anyway#i literally cant simp for this guy normally because i keep relating too much#lets fucking go? i guess??#idk anymore#also chuuya gives me autumn vibes#(thered no autumn where im from)#writing#chuuya nakahara x reader
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They want each other's comfort so bad, but they're both too stubborn. T_T
#critical role#tlovm spoilers#tlovm s3 spoilers#tlovm#tlovm s3#raven watches s3#vaxleth#why do I keep putting myself through the emotions that Vaxleth gives#i fucking love them so much. it's borderline not healthy anymore.
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and tattoo #2, on the inside front of my bicep (photo angle was awkward). i. yknow. part of me feels like i have to justify myself here, explain my reasoning, but i don't think i do, actually.
#isat spoilers#in stars and time#i will do a little bit of explaining in the tags here#i can feel the difference between 'i'm obsessed with this purely because hyperfixation brain chemicals good'#and 'i'm obsessed with this bc it has changed me on a fundamental level'#like. i've put 3k hours into ark and never once considered an ark tattoo.#i know if i had ever gotten an xiv tattoo i'd still love it despite not playing anymore.#the fact that i've had this exact idea on my mind for the last month continuously is enough justification for me#it's a reminder to. be a little kinder to myself. give myself some grace for Fucking Up. and to ask for some goddamn help once in awhile.#to be less terrified of what people will think of me if i do something strange or different. idk.#thoughts that i know will stick with me for a long long time.#ANYWAY HAHA TIMELOOP GAME TATTOO GO WEEEEEEEEE#thank you to that one post about having a right to do what you want with your body as much as your future self does#extremely reassuring
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First day of Pride and I just want to shine a light on all the trans people who are unable to transition, especially those who aren’t fresh faced university grads. Those who don’t live in a supportive or even just accepting home or community. Those who aren’t well off, those who aren’t good at or popular enough to crowd fund. Those who can’t afford transitioning. Those who can’t even transition socially or need to stay in the closet for your safety. Those who rely on benefits or unforgiving jobs to just pay the bills. Having to hear day in and day out you’re just GNC, that your pre-transition body is “ugly” and the ways you can express your gender are “cringe.” Every trans person who’s been told they aren’t “trying hard enough”. Those trans people who won’t even get to imagine transitioning for years.
I see you. I love you. You’re so undervalued and under appreciated in a world where being a white, well off 20 year old on HRT and getting surgery is more common to see than people who work full time and just don’t have that privilege. It sucks, so much. But you are loved and you are seen.
Happy Pride Month to trans people who aren’t where they want to be. The world is better with you in it. We all need each other.
#nobody seems to give a fuck about trans people who haven’t ‘started’ (fuck that word btw) before they turn 20 honestly#like we just don’t exist to you#so if no one is going to tell other trans people who are ‘too old’ that they’re loved and important and deserving of support#fuck it I will#all the trans visibility goes to people who meet the right criteria who fit society’s idea of Trans#fuck that. y’all are wonderful and handsome and beautiful#and if you never get to transition YOURE STILL TRANS AND YOU STILL DESERVE JOY#I don’t fuck with queer groups anymore coz they cannot be normal#you ostracise your most vulnerable#because fuck poc poor disabled ‘old’ trans people amirite#iswtg the trans community here is so weird about age too#you’re 30 and still have your legal name and long hair and visible breasts and a high voice? faker obviously. don’t want it hard enough.#THIRTY?!?#yeah get fucked#sorry for being so pissed but seriously#grow up if you think all trans people have their shit sorted by 24 and are living comfortably as themselves#pull your head out of your ass and go TALK to trans people other than your rich circle of teens at your GSA#I’ve not been terribly positive on this positivity post#pride month#transgender#ftm#mtf#nonbinary#every single one of you is braver than any us marine and I FUCKING MEAN THAT#we all stick through this together#trans awareness
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"Can you speak English, please?" I don't know how to speak English, I'm sorry.
#my smartass kinggggggg#he does not give a fuck anymore hes sick of ittttttt#lmaooooo#i love him#kim seungmin#stray kids#skz
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im bored of animal crossing will be drawing gj again will be mental illness-ing once more.
#women make less than men because we dont know how to ask for more!!!!!#and thats so fucking true my ex manager had to coach me how to ask for more#and then i entered the call and went oh u want to give me less than what i asked for great okay sure love you bye#!!!!!!!!! *looking at myself in the mirror* i hate u#the noise my cat makes when hes frustrated#or really really excited i cant tell which is which anymore#my ex manager is also like lawyer core#ie not a lawyer but loves reading contracts for some uknown reason#and he was pointing out all the stupid phrasing#and i was sitting there like sir to be completely candid i do not even comprehend what the line is saying#let alone what it is suggesting and its implications#apparently when you get those emails like this is confidential dont share it!!!#u can u can like totally share it its not enforceable#the sender even knows its not enforceable they just put it there anyway#what are you gonna do with that info heck if i know!
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ok i swear i'm not going to talk about my breakup forever but the thing that just keeps bothering me:
i know that not getting what you need in a relationship is a COMPLETELY valid reason to end it but also. i feel like having a very vulnerable moment where i opened up about my struggles with intimacy and being relieved that i didn't have to keep doing things i wasn't comfortable with, then being dumped a YEAR later because of my lack of intimacy. is something i should be allowed to be very hurt by???
#ramble#sorry i'm currently in a phase of 'of course this happened' and 'oh i deserve this because i didn't give him what he wanted'#like he knew i was grey ace since the start. and he let it go on for SO long after i said i might be vaguely aro as well#if that's a dealbreaker for you bc of your love language then FINE but NIP IT IN THE BUD#he said he put it off because he didn't want to hurt my feelings but it only hurt me MORE#like you're an adult. grow the fuck up and communicate like one#holding your negative feelings in hoping somebody notices you're hiding them is what TEENAGERS do#and also i told him VERBATIM: i didn't think anyone would ever love me because i'm not comfortable with xyz. and he just confirmed that#idk i still feel like i'm being selfish because how could i expect someone to be in a relationship with me when i can't give them anything#also tmi but it's not like we did NOTHING. we still held hands/cuddled/were close. he just didn't have his tongue down my throat anymore#so obviously i'm assuming by 'missing affection' he just meant sex and as an ace person that just fucking sucks#also oh my god i HATED how much he would imply we were going to have sex. i would have to keep SAYING 'i don't like doing this'#he always spoke like it was inevitably going to happen and it didn't click how GROSS i felt about it until recently#also ALSO not to go there but i never told him WHY i struggle with it (it's sensory issues)#and like. what if something had happened to me that made it hard for me and i just wasn't ready to tell him. and then he did this#again sorry to overshare this is still just a lot for me and i have no idea if i'm being unreasonable#if you're ace and in a relationship please let me know bc i'm starting to think it'll end this way every single time
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The worst part about trying to figure out what Crocodile's deal is that because he's so fucking irredeemably evil in Alabasta... Like... Yeah he's just irredeemably evil. Like I love him but he did cause countless casualties, a ton of pain and suffering and literally attempted to blow up a million people
Like no amount of theoretical "trying to do it to save his son from the Government" or "trying to stop the Government from hurting anyone else" or just "doing it for the greater good" is going to make him any less of a mass murderer
But also Robin absolutely 100% helped with all of that shit simply because she wanted to read the Poneglyph for herself.
No amount of her intending to betray Crocodile from the begining and sabotaging his plans erases the fact that Robin also caused countless people to starve to death and die in the civil war. Her sabotages only succeeded out of sheer luck, and only spared the lives of the people at the final battle. She has the blood of countless innocents on her hands. Because she wanted to read history.
But her crimes were swept under the rug because she has a sad backstory and her sabotages worked out just at the nick of time by sheer dumb luck
So Croc??? Just??? Is there a chance??? At all???
But also he did literally intend to sell Buggy into slavery
Like, fuck Buggy, but jesus
What's also killing me is that we like. Don't know what Luffy thinks of Crocodile right now. Which really is like. The thing that will decide how we, as the readers, are supposed to feel about Crocodile. Luffy is our POV
Like we don't know what Luffy's opinion of Crocodile is after he helped save Luffy (and spared Ace once) during the Summit War. Like Luffy clearly fucking hated the man in Impel Down and the two interactions they had during the War weren't like positive (in the sense that Luffy himself didn't think of the interactions as particularly positive. Defending Whitebeard from being attacked once and then being like "wait what HIM?!" when Crocodile defended Ace. To be fair, in the midst of the chaos, there wasn't much time to spend on Pondering On Such Things because Ace needed to be saved, and Oda goes out of his way to not show us what's going on inside Luffy's head, because it's all meant to be out in the open anyways. Regardless, these weren't like "yay it's Crocodile! :)" moments for Luffy is what I mean)
But also Luffy was very grateful of Law for saving his life and was willing to put his trust into Law for their alliance- of course, they weren't explicitly enemies to begin with, rivals at most, but still. Luffy respects those who help him.
But also Luffy grew during the timeskip. Like he's not that clueless anymore (like he finally understands Hancock is in love with him etc), and similarly Luffy gets that Buggy is an absolute loser now. But also Buggy did also help save Luffy's life (even if it was by accident), and while IDK if Luffy is aware of that, I don't think that helped improve Luffy's impression of Buggy
So like. The fuck does Luffy think of Crocodile, at this moment? Even with the Cross Guild reveal, he didn't even really comment on Croc and just focused his energy on being confused about Buggy being "the leader" of CG. IDK it feels almost intentional or something, that we don't know what Luffy thinks?? Especially since we did get Zoro's opinion on Mihawk in the situation?? Or am I delulu?? (Sidenote. I'd love to know what Robin would have to say about Crocodile helping save Luffy's life. What Jinbei might think of the final words Crocodile left him with before blasting them out of Akainu's reach. But mainly just Robin's thoughts)
Like IDK my best guess would be that Luffy still hates Crocodile just the same but is like grossed out by technically owing him one??? In the classic
-kinda way, you know? And that he'd be just kinda confused about it?
Because I can't fucking imagine Luffy being like "oh we're cool now" with Crocodile, let alone "Yay Crocodile :) He saved my life!". But also like. Luffy does kind of owe Croc one. Kind of. And Luffy is usually very respectful of that kind of thing. Aaaaaaaa???
(Also does. Does Luffy even know it was Crocodile who yeeted him and Jinbei out of Akainu's reach to begin with. 'Cause he was unconcious. Knocked the fuck out. Does. Does Luffy even know. Did anybody tell him???)
I just.
There's the reasonable part of me that knows Crocodile is an irredeemable evil dickbag and everything he has ever said and done up to the most recent chapters support that. He is too far gone.
And then there's the absolutely delulu part that loves a tragic villian who gets a heartwrenching redemption that's looking for any fucking sign that could indicate Crocodile could maybe be one
#Moon posting#OP Meta#OP Spoilers#Sir Crocodile#Crocodad#Haunted by thoughts of one (1) evil middle aged man#IDK I was rereading Punk Hazard today while on the train and just. God there's like no difference between Alabasta Croc and Ceasar#I mean there is but no there isn't. Dude was doing essentially the same shit just this time with much more child abuse#And we all agree that Ceasar is scum of the earth and irredeemable.#But also he was doing everything PURELY out of self-interest without ANY sad backstory to counter balance it#I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO THINK ANYMORE MAN I AM LOSING MY MARBLES#Kuma Flashback I Love You but I need to know what the fuck is happening with Crocodile so bad pleeeaaase#There's also like that note about Kuma saying he'd be wiling to make a deal with the devil just to protect his daughter#And If Crocodad Real. What a greater evolution of that but being wiling to BECOME the devil himself to protect your child#Also sorry about the Buggy slander but also not sorry. All that man is good for is being a punching bag for comedy as far as I'm concerned#He's very funny I'll give you that. And I'm looking forward to him and Shanks getting married
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