#i love jonathan but his wife is so pretty

[whos-hotter-jjba]

[vickyvicarious]

I know it's been said before, but... I'd like to take a little time to really point out all the many ways the locals are trying their hardest to be kind to Jonathan and to help him however they can, even at risk to themselves.

The innkeeper's wife breaks her silence enough to tell him not to go, and when he won't agree, to warn him about the eve of St. George's Day and ask him to delay. When that fails too, she gives him her crucifix. That's probably her personal protection she's giving up to him.

She's not done. She tells the driver of the coach about Jonathan, and I think asks him to rush through the pass so Dracula can't pick him up tonight.

The people nearby who overhear her look at Jonathan with pity. While they don't directly try to assist here, I can't help but notice that they're on the bench "which they call by a name meaning "word-bearer"" and talking loud enough/repetitively enough that Jonathan is able to look up their words about various supernatural threats. They outright say the word for "vampire", making it the first mention in the book. If we assume they subscribe to a belief where you don't name the evil lest it come after you, that could be them trying to indirectly get him some warning.

The whole crowd try to protect Jonathan from the evil eye when he's about to set out.

That one guy pointed out God's Seat to Jonathan... maybe trying to bring his attention to something nicer, maybe some kind of religious protection? A kind gesture regardless.

The driver makes a fairly black humor joke about dogs that seems to be hinting at wolves coming after them. I wonder if he's half-expecting Dracula to send wolves to hunt them down. Regardless, even though he arrived late to pick everyone up, he pushes really really hard the whole time to try and rush them through before Jonathan would be picked up. He succeeds well enough that they're a whole hour early, even.

As it gets dark, everyone else on board also starts urging the driver to go faster, and watching out the windows for Dracula's approach. They're invested in this too.

When they enter the Borgo Pass, they all start giving Jonathan protective gifts. I suspect those were meant to keep themselves safe as they pass close by Dracula's castle, but they insist he take them all instead.

They sigh in relief at their early arrival, and not seeing Dracula. The driver does the smallest most halfhearted pretense of trying to get Jonathan there, before declaring they'd better leave now since he's not getting picked up.

They obviously can't directly oppose Dracula when he arrives, but I have to mention the guy who quotes Lenore. That's maybe stupidly open about what Dracula is but it's still pretty ballsy even if he didn't really expect the Count to hear him.

They're just... doing their absolute best to help him. I love them so much.

[bunnys-kisses]

Hi hello good day! May I order an extra spicy mille-feuille with a side of mocha coffee for John Price please?

bakery menu

want to order your own dessert? the bakery is still open! always accepting prompts especially from call of duty and formula one! get kinky! get sexy! order up!

mille-feuille (“that’s it, fuck, that’s a good girl.”) + mocha coffee (breeding kink) served by capt. john price!

cw: smut/pwp, breeding kink, rough sex, wife!reader, husband!price, age gap (20s/40s), doggy style

price had a pretty wife! price had a pretty wife! johnny said in a sing-song voice when price returned to base after a "sabbatical", the other men knew what was up the moment he took off his gloves and there was a shiny gold band on his left ring finger.

captain jonathan price of task force 141 had bagged himself a missus!

while johnny's comments were juvinile, it was all in good fun. price never talked about you a lot on base. off base, the boys of 141 had met you and eaten your cooking. but, price kept you close to his chest.

he didn't want anything to happen to you.

when johnny gave him a shove of congratulations, price narrowed his eyes at the younger man, "i am still your captain. don't forget that mactavish."

"of course sir!" johnny laughed as he scratched his jaw, "just 'appy for ya!"

"so what's the plan now?" kyle asked as he gave his captain a firm handshake. in all fairness all three men were curious. you had the house, the ring, what was next for the price's?

price leaned back a little in his chair and shrugged, "well, we're tryin' for a kid when i get back. she's worried by the time i finally retire all her eggs will have dried up!" then gave a hearty laugh, "feels good bein' married to my wife. she a good woman!"

-

price was anxious to go home the second he left home for the next mission for the task force. so the day he got to return to his wife, he was all smiles as he took his belongings back home.

his cock was also painfully hard. he hadn't had the chance to relieve himself in a few days, so his cock was aching for a release. and no better place to put it than in his pretty wife.

he pulled up to the house that you two had been living in before you got married. he got his belongings and headed to the front door. when he knocked on the door, he heard the yapping of your dog.

"pumpkin! stop! down!" he heard your voice and smiled. when the door finally opened, he was instantly met with your arms around him. he held you as best as he could.

"hello, love." he smiled.

you kissed him off the lips and took his boonie hat off. you put it on your head before you giggled and took his hand. you brought him inside and price got a full view of what you were wearing.

the tank top was too tight and the sleeping shorts were too short. he made a face and said, "you've been wearin' that while i'm gone?"

you looked at him and said, "yeah? and the ring too!" then burst into laughter, "i'm joking, honey. i put this on for you. i was excited to see my husband."

price knew from the moment he met you, that he could never say no to you. he just loved you so much, it was almost an ache when he was apart from you.

he knew very well that you were leading him upstairs to the bedroom. he gave pumpkin, your german shepherd a pet and a promise they'll watch coronation street when he was done with her "mama."

price waved to the dog who was sitting there confused what her mama and papa were doing. he closed the door and you were on the bed, the tank top and shorts were off. leaving you in a cute mismatched pair of bra and panties.

you looked so adorable. it made price's cock twitch in his pants. such a pretty little wife. a wife he wanted to dick down and breed until you were nice and round with his children.

oh, he hoped you weren't stopping at one price baby. he was thinking at least three, maybe five if he can stick a pair of twins into you. (irish twins would just have to do if that didn't work! price was a man of many plans!)

he got out of his clothes, his hairy body made you drool. along with the strength in his muscles. you swallowed when he invaded your space and took off your under garments. it was like opening a present.

"my beautiful wife." he said. he took you and got you on your elbows and knees, even getting your pillow to put under your head. he took in the sight of you, back arched for him. ready to accept all he'll give you. he rubbed your ass “that’s it, fuck, that’s a good girl.”

you whimpered against the pillow and felt your husband behind you. you held onto the covers under your head and sighed contently. your pussy was wet, he could clearly see that.

usually he had a cup of tea when he got home, but this was just as good. if not better. he knelt behind you and stroked his cock a few times at the sight of you.

his tip was leaky and his balls felt heavy. such a pretty sight, a submissive little wife (it was the only time you were actually submissive. price knew he married a firecracker!). he rubbed the slick tip up against your slit.

"pretty girl." he purred, then slowly sank into your sweet pussy. his hands on your hips as he pushed in. he heard a sweet moan and watched your back arch more.

"john. please." you panted as you held onto the covers.

"i got ya, love. always got ya." he started his pace, his thrusts were hard but steady. sex was rough, but it made it all feel so good in your bones. it felt like two parts of the same whole.

you were perfect for one another, even when he was breeding your sweet little pussy. he thrust against you, watching your ass jiggle at the force of his movements.

he felt the sweat dip down his back as he moved against you, his heart raced as he felt snug in his wife's pussy. you were just perfect, the most amazing little thing he had ever laid his eyes on. a gift from the heavens for him.

his sweet woman.

"john. please, i love you so much. i can't wait to start a family with you. you're perfect, i love you. you've made me the happiest i could be!" you whined into the pillow. you held onto it under your head.

"i love when you say my name, love. sounds so right on your tongue." he laughed as if he didn't have the most common name in the world. but the way it rolled off your tongue while he was balls deep inside of you made him feel good.

you whined in between your giggle as his soft words. even if his thrusts were hard. he melted you to your core and made you hot all over. it was erotic and it made you sweat.

the two of you continued to move together, his calloused fingers dug into the meat of your hips, enough to leave bruises.

"such a pretty girl."

the sex became harder, like a carnal need for the two of you to reach climax. for him to breed you, he pressed his chest against your back and wrapped both of those strong arms around your middle.

you whined and he panted heavily in your ear. he ached all over for you. his cock bullied into you and his breath was ragged.

"john."

"my girl. my wife." he purred and it sent you over the edge. like fire in your veins.

you clutched onto the bed under you, your back arched and you climaxed. you felt it take the air out of your lungs as he continued to batter your pussy. all in the name of growing your family.

your core throb as his continued movements. you panted heavily and let him get close to his own orgasm. his forearms clenched around you as he

he finished inside of you, and dropped his arms from around you waist. he slowed down and then pulled out. he took you into his arms and kissed at your sweaty neck.

"mmm, my good wife." he said with love in his voice. his cock was still painfully hard. one round wasn't going to make sure his little missus got knocked up! he rubbed his slick cock against your back and said, "perfect for me. we're gonna make a big family, love."

you smiled while still panting and held onto him tightly. you could feel your husband's love as he spooned you. he kissed your neck tenderly and you said, "get me some water and we can go again."

-

you rubbed your achy middle when you felt your son shift against your kidneys. you then poked your belly, "you calm down there." currently he was known as john jr. but you were convincing your amazing, lovely, handsome husband that there were more names than just john.

for now, he was known as peanut. you checked the noodles for the pasta dinner while price was chopping up the mushrooms for the sauce. his sleeves were rolled and those strong arms were on display.

you made a face,

you looked at pumpkin who was seated by your feet, waiting for her chance to have just one noodle. you chuckled and looked at price while you bent down a little to feed the german shepherd one of the penne noodles before you went back to the noodles

"i saw that." price said with a chuckle even if he back was turned to you. he was smiling however. he wouldn't expect anything different from you. when he finished with the mushrooms, he slung a bulky arm around your middle and kissed your cheek.

you turned your head to look at him and giggled, "i love you."

he kissed you on the lips then said, "i love you more. now and forever."

[your-nanas-house]

𝐂𝐈𝐋𝐋𝐈𝐀𝐍 𝐌𝐔𝐑𝐏𝐇𝐘

Because you were a good step-daddy

Out with the dog

“Goodnight, love”

My Dads Friend (series)

Bad mood

Missing you

Cock headcanon part 1

Cock headcanon part 2

Rum, champagne and other excuses

Just for the movie

What does my princess want?

Little fun film

My living dildo

A ride home

TOMMY SHELBY

Just another nightmare

Mother

Work, work… just work

His fookin’ wife

Dad doesn’t like Christmas

Not a virgin anymore

Thirsty

“... eyefucking each other”

A juicy bad apple

Someone like me

Husband’s duty

Mrs. Walsh

“Good girl”

Sweet treat

JACKSON RIPPNER

Tighter than usual

Catch me if you can

The mile high club

KITTEN BRADEN

Oops… I did it again

Truly smitten

Christmas together

NEIL LEWIS

Just acting… right?

Be quick

Unnoticed longing stares

What are we, idiot?

“Such a good girl now, huh?”

Broken stove

In my neighbour’s pool

Her big “heart”

JONATHAN CRANE

Domestic Sunday morning

The conference

Those round pillows of hers

Not so innocent after all

“Scarecrow, Scarecrow”

ROBERT FISCHER

She could be my “woman”

Unwritten

Fuck…ing mommy

After a lonesome Christmas together

Shimmering gold

J. ROBERT OPPENHEIMER

Dr. Oppenheimer… for them

Cherry

JOHN/EMMA SKILLPA

Family or more

JONATHAN BREENCH

Long Nights and Christmas Lights

RAYMOND LEON

Late again

LEONARD MILLER

Whatever it takes

WILLIAM KILLICK

I’m pretty sure you’re mine

A promise

[tradgedyinwaves]

angst of having to find out Soap your husband died while pregnant with you twins who he didn’t know about before he went on deployment

🫣

Oh god, mah heart! I'm going to let you know, I sobbed writing this. how dare you suggest something to break my heart? i love the suggestions. they make me write outside of my comfort zone.

Johnny had deployed six weeks ago. It wasn't uncommon for him to be gone for months at a time. Usually, he was able to check in here and there, but long stretches of silence weren't out of the norm either.

You had put together a little basket of goodies to surprise your husband, Johnny, with the fact that he was going to be a father of not one, but two bairns. The basket sat prettily on the counter in your home, making you smile as you rubbed your belly. You weren't showing yet, but it wouldn't take long with twins.

It was late at night when there was a knock at the door. You knew it wasn't Johnny. He wouldn't bother with knocking on his own front door. Shuffling over to the door with your robe wrapped tightly around you, you cracked it open to see the other three members of Johnny's team.

"No." The word was out of your mouth faster than you could comprehend. They were there without your Johnny which could only mean one thing.

Your legs wobbled and your hand shot to your belly, covering the space where your babes were growing. Your eyes stared wide and watery at Price who stood there clutching his boonie hat in his hands as if it was the only thing holding him together.

Your vision was starting to darken, the edges blackening as you fainted.

Price caught you before you hit the ground, bringing you into living room where all of you had watched a rugby match or two with the jovial Scot who was no longer with them.

When you woke, you were laying on your couch with a bottle of water across from you on the coffee table. Price was sitting next to it while Kyle sat at the kitchen table. Simon...Simon was staring at the basket on the counter like he was willing it to not exist, to not be true.

Sitting up, you grabbed the water bottle and chugged half of it before holding it in your hands as you rested your elbows on your knees.

"H-How?" you asked, voice cracking as you crinkled the water bottle between your hands.

"Dove, you know we can't tell yo-" Price began, swallowing hard as he mirrored your position.

Standing from your seat, you slammed down the water bottle on the floor, anger presiding over your sadness as you stood in front of Price and interrupted his sentence.

"Bullshit! Jonathan Price, you tell me exactly how my husband died! You owe me that much." Your voice shook with your rage, the outburst drawing Kyle's attention while Simon flinched. Tears burned down your cheeks as you held Price's gaze.

With a sigh, Price recounted their mission with as little detail as he could get away with while you retook your seat on the couch. "He saved my life. I-I owe him and you everything. I will do whatever I can to help you."

"Oh, so you're going to help me take care of two mini Johnny's when you couldn't bring the original home safe?" you're voice sounded dead and you knew your words were unfair. Price stared at you, never hearing such awful things come from Johnny's sweet wife.

"We all will." Simon finally spoke, coming into the kitchen. Your head snapped up to meet his eyes and you nodded, feeling the true weight of the situation.

You were shattered and had about eight months to piece yourself back together. When they left, swearing to come back in the morning, you stayed in the living room, unable to face the bed you shared with the love of your life. You were essentially a zombie as you moved throughout your apartment.

You almost threw the pretty basket away before you saw a glint of something metal laying over the edge.

Johnny's tags.

[slut4thebroken]

Dangerous Game

── ⋆⋅☆⋅⋆ ── ⋆⋅☆⋅⋆ ── ⋆⋅☆⋅⋆ ──

Pairing | Judge Jonathan Crane x wife!reader

Summary | You remind your husband who he belongs to.

Warnings | Smut, 18+, sexual content, murder?, crazy in love, emphasis on crazy, breeding kink, overstimulation, praise, possessiveness, like a lot of it, they’re kinda cute tbh, feral animalistic carnal primal frenzied fucking lol.

Words | 3k

Notes | Thank you @pinguwrites for making this c.ai bot 🙏🏻

Ao3 link | <3

Masterlist

“So what will it be?” Jon asked the cowering man in front of him. “Death? Or exile.” He pulled you closer to him as he spoke and you leaned into his ear with a smirk. 

“Exile.” You whispered.

“Darling… don’t you think we should pick death here?” He whispered back, leaning down to place a soft kiss on your neck. 

“I guess you’re right.” You sighed. Raising your voice a little louder, you said, “Death, then… By exile.” You had a cruel smirk on your face and your husband couldn’t help but mirror it.

“You heard her.” He called out to the man. “Death by exile.” He raised the gavel and brought it down on the desk loudly. You ignored the man’s screaming and protests as he was dragged away, then it was just the two of you in the courtroom. Jon leaned down into your neck to trail more kisses across it and you let out a pleased sigh. 

“Shall we go home, Mrs. Crane?” He whispered softly, pulling back and giving you the smile that always fills your stomach with butterflies. He leaned down to kiss you, but the moment was ruined by a small cough. He huffed as he turned to see a pretty, young woman standing shyly by the doors of the courtroom, looking so terribly lost and afraid. But his annoyance was quickly replaced by fascination and intrigue.  

As you watched your husband's reaction, you immediately got hit with a wave of angry jealousy. He picked up on your emotions, but it almost excited him. He wondered what you’d do… How the night might end because of it. 

Jon looked at the young woman in front of him with an interested glance. Wanting to make her feel welcome in his presence, he raised his hand to get the woman’s attention, motioning for her to come closer.

“Hello, there!” He said in a friendly voice. “What brings you to see the judge?” You scowled at his tone, but waited before doing anything rash. He gave the young woman a smile as she inched closer. You didn’t like how he was talking to her; so gentle and inviting… And the smile on his face made your blood boil. 

“I… I have a request for the judge.” The woman said, looking at him nervously. Jon waited a few seconds, taking in her appearance. When he finally responded, his voice was filled with a kindness that was rare for him, especially in his role as judge.

“Please… don’t hesitate to make your request.” He said softly. “You can trust me to do what is right.” It almost seemed like he was asking you to do something— like he was challenging you. Rationally, you knew he wasn’t. But he was playing a dangerous game with this. 

“Uhm… I know this is really odd to ask,” she said with embarrassment, “but… do you think I could be exiled from Gotham?” Jonathan looked down at her in shock, his face twisting with confusion as he processed her request.

“Exiled?” He asked, brows scrunched together. The girl nodded her head quickly.

“You can exile me from this place. Forever…” She begged, almost in tears. “Please.” You perked up at the request, but Jon responded before you could say anything. 

“Why would you want that?” He asked teasingly.

“I just… I feel like I really need to get out of this place, and I thought that might be a good option…” She said, another wave of embarrassment washing over her. At least she was too stupid for your husband. You almost couldn’t believe that she genuinely thought being exiled meant to leave safely. You stood up suddenly, making Jon stiffen as he wondered what you were about to do.

“You want to leave Gotham? You want to be free of this place forever?” You asked, taking your time as you approached.

“Yes, please.” She answered quietly. Jon looked between both of you as you began to circle the girl slowly, like a predator stalking its prey.

“This isn’t necessary, darling.” He said calmly. “I don’t think exile is a suitable punishment. She should be able to leave freely.” He added. The woman looked up at him with pure awe as he spoke, wondering how the villain could be so kind.

“Oh no were not punishing her, Jon. She deserves a chance to escape, a chance to leave here and never come back.” His eyes narrowed, trying to figure out where you were going with this. Finally landing in front of the young woman, you spoke to her again. “Do you want that chance?” You asked softly.

“Yes, please!” She said quickly. Jon eyed you with apprehension, wondering what you meant. It sounded like you had something planned, he just didn’t know what. 

“Okay.” You said tenderly as you brought both of your hands up to cup the girl's cheeks. “We’ll help you. You can leave this place and never return.” You said with a warm smile.

“Thank you! Oh thank you.” She cried, tears brimming in her eyes.

“Don’t thank me. This is all because of him.” You smirked, glancing over your shoulder at Jon.

Before either of them had a chance to respond, you were tightening your grip on the girl’s head, then quickly forcing it to the side. There was a loud, deafening cracking sound, then she dropped to the floor at your feet. Jon stared down at the lifeless body in shock for a moment, but his expression quickly darkened as he looked at you, then made his way over. 

“What did you do?” He hissed, glancing at the dead body on the floor before looking at you again, waiting for an answer.

“You’re mine, Jonathan Crane. Don’t forget that.” You warned. He narrowed his eyes at you for a moment, then a dangerous smile creeped up on his face when he remembered who he was talking to; Mrs. Crane.

“Yes, I’m yours.” He whispered, then wrapped a hand around the back of your neck and pulled you into a kiss. You moaned in surprise, but quickly brought your hands up to his hair, pulling roughly as if you were still punishing him. He groaned against your lips and snaked the hand on the back of your neck up to your hair, pulling just as hard as you had. As the desire grew, so did the passion and hunger. The kiss turned almost violent and within seconds you had him on the floor underneath you. 

You quickly pulled away from the kiss to rip your shirt off, then leaned back down and immediately continued. Jon’s hands roamed your body, sliding up from your hips to your waist and groping you wherever he could reach. With a grunt of effort, he rolled both of you over so he was on top and tore off his coat and tie as you started working on unbuttoning his shirt. After only a few seconds, you got too impatient and ripped it open, then pushed it down his shoulders to get it off of him. 

You removed his glasses, tossing them onto the growing pile of clothes, and he quickly ripped your bra off your body before leaning back down to continue the kiss. Your nails dragged over his back, making him groan, and he used one hand to pinch and pull at your nipple while the other wrapped around your neck, squeezing tightly. You locked your legs around his hips and pulled him closer, silently telling him to start giving both of you a small taste of what’s to come. He obeyed eagerly and started rutting against you, dragging his clothed cock over your clothed heat until your hips started rocking up to meet him. 

You can’t even remember the last time you’ve had sex like this— so… animalistic. He humped you desperately, not even faltering when you reached your hands down between your bodies to unbuckle his belt and open his pants. Once that was done, you unbuttoned your own pants and started shoving them down. Even though he seemed to want to keep this up, he clearly wanted to fuck you more because he pulled back, grunting with displeasure, to let you push your pants and underwear down as he took off your shoes. He quickly freed his already hard cock and only stroked it twice before lining up. 

“Say it again.” He gruffed, teasing your entrance. “Say I’m yours.” 

“You’re mine, Jonathan.” You growled and he immediately pushed in. He leaned back over you, muffling your moan with a kiss. You obviously weren’t prepped enough to take his cock yet, but the faint burning sensation was almost fitting for the kind of sex you were having. He pushed all the way in, then stopped as he moved down to your neck to kiss and bite the sensitive skin. Your hands carded through his hair before gripping tightly and bucking your hips up with a whine. “Fuck me.” You said it like a demand, but both of you knew it was a plea. He didn’t bother arguing though. 

He slowly pulled back, then snapped his hips forward roughly, making you jolt as a startled moan escaped you. Moving one of your hands to his shoulders, you dragged your nails down his back and arched up into him, whimpering as he maintained the slow, but hard thrusts. He hissed in pain from your sharp nails, but bit down on your neck in retaliation, making you cry out. Deciding to speed up, his pace turned almost brutal, but you loved every second of it as he took you on the floor of his courtroom, inches away from the dead body. 

“Fuck— Jon…” You moaned, making him pull back to look at you. The moment he saw how fucked out you already were, his expression darkened. His pace became more aggressive and rapid until you were mewling, clawing at his back as your lips parted in a silent moan and your brows stayed scrunched together, barely able to handle the intensity of the pleasure. 

“God— I love you.” Despite his almost violent movements, his eyes were full of love and his voice was tender. He leaned down to kiss you again and you moaned loudly in response to his words. 

With the way he was leaned over you like this, pressed so close, you felt trapped. There was nowhere for you to go— you would be forced to take his cock whether you wanted to or not. The thought had you whining and squirming, so you used your grip on his hair to pull him away from the kiss. 

“Make me come.” You whispered, staring up at him with half lidded eyes. He cursed under his breath and gave you a small smirk before snaking a hand down to rub your clit. You were trembling now, arching up into him and holding him against your body. He knew you were close so he started fucking you harder and faster, ignoring his own orgasm that was steadily building. 

“You take my cock so fucking good.” He whispered, making you whine. “Perfect fucking pussy and all mine.” He growled against your neck, breathing raggedly. “And I’m all yours, right, Mrs. Crane?” He said teasingly, but you mewled in response regardless. 

“Mine.” You moaned, tilting your head back as your eyes fluttered shut. He started kissing across your neck, sometimes biting, sometimes sucking to leave a mark. “Mine… You’re mine.” You said firmly, feeling him smile against your neck. 

“All yours, baby.” He whispered, moving up to kiss you again. You could feel yourself getting closer, especially when he bit your lip, then licked into your mouth, claiming every part of your body as his own. “Are you gonna come for me, darling?” He asked quietly, almost pleading with you to do so. You gave an eager nod, deepening the kiss again and keening desperately. 

Your sounds got louder and louder, your body squirming from the unrelenting pleasure until finally it all snapped. You cried out and clung to his shoulders, keeping him close as he worked you through it. He moaned into the kiss at the feeling of your walls convulsing around his cock. 

“Good fucking girl.” He groaned, when you finally sagged into the floor of his courtroom, boneless and completely come drunk. He moved his hand up from your clit to wrap around your neck as his thrusts sped up even more, making you whine in discomfort. 

“J-Jon…” you whimpered, eyes welling with tears, “s’too much.” He growled at your weak protests, tightening his grip on your neck. 

“I’m not going to stop.” He almost laughed at the idea. “This cunt is mine and I’m going to use it until I'm satisfied.” You mewled at the possessiveness in his voice, but it quickly turned into a pained moan, the longer he kept using your sensitive body. Despite the overstimulation, you could feel the embers of arousal in your stomach coming back to life. You loved that he was desperate enough to keep fucking you even after you protested. You loved that every part of you belonged to him; body, mind, and soul. 

He thrust into you with wild intensity, grunting and breathing heavily as he got closer and closer to his release. You weakly clawed at the hand squeezing your neck, but he was unmoving. Tears were brimming in your eyes now from the pleasurable pain, but that only fueled his hunger. 

“This is what you fucking wanted, isn’t it?” He hissed, making you whine. “You went through all of this trouble,” his hand moved from your neck to roughly grip your jaw and turn your head to the side, giving you a perfect view of the dead body that started all of this, “so stop fucking whining and take it.” He growled. When he pulled your head back to face him, there was a grin on your face at the reminder of what you did. 

“God you’re so fucking sick.” He muttered, but his tone was full of love and admiration. Leaning down quickly, he pressed his lips to yours in a bruising kiss and his hands eagerly ran over your body as he chased his orgasm. When he pulled back, far too soon, you let out a needy whine that went ignored by him. “Should I give you my come?” He cooed, mockingly, but you moaned anyway. “I gave you my ring, my last name… might as well give you my kid too, right?” 

“Fuck… Jon, please-” You gasped out, feeling another orgasm building. 

“Yeah? Is that what you want? Because I can give it to you, baby… All you have to do is ask.” He said teasingly, but the breathlessness in his voice betrayed his composure— he wanted this just as badly as you did. 

“I want it.” You whined, making him chuckle at your lame attempt. 

“Do better.” 

“I,” You started, but cut off when his hand reached down for your clit again, making it infinitely harder to speak. “I- I want your come, Jon. Want your kid.” You choked out.  

“You want me to fill you up? Stuff you full of my come, so deep that you’ll have no choice but to get knocked up?” You moaned loudly and nodded, unable to respond as the pleasure consumed you. 

“Please… Please fill me, Jon. I- I want to be yours even more than I already am.” You whined, feeling an almost carnal need to be completely his, in every single way possible. 

“Good girl.” He gave you a pleased smile, making your cheeks heat up. “I’m gonna give it to you, I just need you to come for me first. Can you do that, darling?” You were nodding eagerly before he could even finish. 

“Yes— yes, I’m close..” Sometimes you forget that he knows your body better than you do. He knows exactly what to do to push you closer to the edge, or pull you back down from it. And right now he was forcing you closer, giving you no other option but to come for him. 

“C’mon, baby… Let me make you mine.” He begged softly, making you whimper and squeeze your eyes shut. You barely lasted another second before the knot of arousal in your stomach finally snapped, feeling so much more intense than your first orgasm. You cried out and dragged your nails across his back as you arched up into him. He was pounding you ruthlessly, still rubbing your clit, and the orgasm almost felt a little too good to solely be pleasurable because of the overstimulation. 

Once he knew your orgasm finally faded, he brought his hand back up from your clit and focused on fucking you, hard and fast. You were sobbing out moans, tears brimming in your eyes as he continued using your sore, sensitive body for his pleasure. 

“Please— please come, Jon.” You whimpered, staring up at him with teary eyes. He cursed under his breath and let his head drop into the crook of your neck. Once again, you felt trapped— forced to take what he wanted you to. He was grunting quietly and panting as he built up to his orgasm. 

“Jon..” You sobbed, making him groan. The movement of his hips became strained for a second, then he was pushing in all the way, deep enough to make you whine at the uncomfortable pressure on your cervix. He was moaning quietly and panting against your neck as his come finally spilled into you, marking you as his. You mewled and squirmed, arousal pooling in your stomach once again. He kept his face buried in the crook of your neck as he calmed himself down, chest heaving. When he pulled up to look at you, he had the faintest hint of a smile on his lips. 

“So pretty, darling.” He whispered, brushing the tears from your face and cupping your cheek. “And all mine.” You gave him a dopey smile at his words, then pulled him down to kiss you again. This one was far less animalistic, but it wasn’t even close to lacking in passion. When he pulled back, you reached for his left hand, bringing it up to your lips and gently kissing the ring on his finger, keeping your lips just barely touching his hand as you responded. 

“All mine.” 

Taglist (join here)

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[luveline]

Hi Jade! I wanted to request something with Prince Steve and his soulmate. I feel like we’ve started to see them warm up to each other but maybe we could see reader start to meet Steve’s friends and see that she’s got more people standing behind her? Like maybe Robin and Eddie teasing Steve about something embarrassing in front of her or I know she hasn’t shown up yet but I could totally see Nancy as like a lady in waiting/tutor to teach her all about proper manners but in the process she spills all these stories about Steve growing up?

thank you for requesting ♡ prince steve au fem, 1k

A knock at the door, an impatient huff. "Are you ready yet?" 

"Come in, Steve." 

He wedges into your rooms, a basket in his hands. "Why are you on the floor?" 

"Can't tie my stupid shoes," you complain, dropping your hands down, knee pulled up, too warm for all the fuss. 

Steve nearly drops the basket, he's that enthusiastic to help you out. He kneels by your feet and takes the laces of your shoes into his hands, pulling them tight, his eyebrows pinched tighter. "That okay?" he asks, pausing his loop. 

"Yeah. Thank you." 

"They didn't teach you how to tie your shoes back home? We need outreach immediately." 

You laugh and lay back on the plush rug behind you. "It's the weird eyelets. You royals do everything weird. Like picnicking." 

"So many points. These aren't eyelets, they're lace hooks. You're pretty much as royal as I am, or you will be in a matter of days. And," —he finishes tying your boot, pulling the other toward him with a small laugh— "Robin wanted a picnic. She's not royal. None of your points make any sense." 

"You'll be a wretched husband." 

Steve takes your hands and pulls you up into a sitting position. He doesn't let them go, transferring both into one so he has a hand free to straighten up your cardigan. "And you'll be a cherished wife." 

Steve pulls you onto your feet. Together, you walk through the selenite halls of the palace to the prince's private gardens, where a gazebo the colour of the sky stands shading refreshments from the eager sun. Helping themselves to the hors d'oeuvres are a tall Eddie and a shorter partner in crime, Robin. Nancy lays out in the grass next to who you assume to be her boyfriend, a handsome guy with two books in his hands, still closed. He squints in the sun, waving as you and Steve approach. 

"Hey!" he greets. "You're late."

"Don't get up," Steve jokes, waving back at him and Nancy, who's barely lifted her head. "Not like I'm anyone important." 

"Very, very hard to find you important when you're wearing shorts," Eddie says. 

Steve shrugs. "She likes them." 

You realise belatedly and with horror that you're she. How does he know you like his nice shorts? Either way, his indifference so long as you like them makes you flush, leaving his side in search of a cold drink to drown yourself in.

"Did you bring the bat?" Steve asks Jonathan behind you. 

"Hey, babe," Eddie says, offering you a glass cup set with pressed flowers in the sides, "you okay?" 

"Is that lemonade?" you ask, pointing at one of the small water dispensers. Their glass shells shine with condensation, more ice cubes than liquid inside. It's a cloudy white with blood orange slices cut and garnishing the top, their juice seeping downward slowly. 

"Sure is. Prince Stevie's favourite, as always. Don't know where the sudden love for oranges came from, do you?" 

You've had a love for them since you got here and tried them for the first time. Oranges are expensive, and so the palace kitchen has them in abundance. Steve clearly noticed. "Wouldn't you know?" you ask. "Don't you choose his meals?" 

"As if. I'm a glorified cleaning boy," Eddie says. He scoops a bagel covered in cream cheese and fresh cut salmon from a silver tray and takes a big bite. "Just stick around for the food." 

"They won't let him back into the engineers workshop on account of his bad manners, he'll be a dishwasher forever," Robin says grandly, rounding the table to stand on your other side. 

"Says you, lady's maid." 

Robin was supposed to be a lady's maid. Sick gig, good pay, she had all the grades and none of the decorum, but Steve wouldn't let them get rid of her, and after an intense training program that taught her to wield a titanium blade longer than her arm as an extension of it, she was instated as his personal guard instead. They're all job hoppers —Nancy started as a lady's maid but now apprentices as a royal tutor, and her boyfriend worked for the palace's news room but now works under the sous chef. 

You did anything you could to stay alive, and now your full time job is princess, so. You're not judging. 

"What's Nancy's boyfriends name?" you whisper. "Jon?" 

"Jonathan. I don't think anybody calls him Jon," Robin whispers back. 

"She's lying. His name is Gordon." Eddie glares at Robin. "She's trying to trip you up." 

A smack erupts through the air, chased by Steve's pleased whoop. "Yes! Baby, did you see that?" 

"I'm not trying to trip you up," Robin says, "don't listen." 

"She totally is." 

"Baby?" Steve calls, yards away in the bluegrass, a bat held at his side. "Guys, stop harassing her. Jesus." 

"We're not harassing her, Stevie, slow your roll. This is a common social phenomenon called teasing, maybe you've heard of it? You do it with friends," Eddie says, nudging your arm. 

Friends, you think. Steve's looking at you, waiting for confirmation that you're alright. "I didn't see it, Steve. Do it again!" 

Steve immediately jogs backwards, goading Jonathan into pitching another ball. He has a good arm, the ball soaring just right for Steve to curl back and send it wide across the green grass of the garden. It hits a long banner across the way, smack dab on its painted target as he'd aimed for, falling practically on top of the first. 

It's an impressive arc. You clap your hands together and cheer, though the rules of this game escape you. You think it's supposed to be darts without sharp points, but you're more concerned with the lines of Steve's bicep as he rests the bat on his shoulder, his triumphant sun-kissed smile.

"Did you see that one, baby?" Robin asks. 

"He's so impressive, isn't he?" Eddie adds, grinning. 

Steve throws them the bird, his cheeks pink. 

"That's an example of what not to do in a formal setting," Nancy says, her skirt moving like water as she puts her face in her hand, her elbow on her knee. 

"You're getting good at this tutoring stuff," Jonathan says. 

Steve meanders your way to beg a consolation hug (he puts his arm across your shoulder, muttering about mean friends and their unjust jokes). "They're the worst," he mutters, his hair brushing your ear, goosebumps erupting down your arms. 

"I think they're nice," you say. 

He hums in your ear. "You would. Wretched wife." 

[maxwell-grant]

The Penguin Ep2: "Inside Man" Breakdown

(Previous episode)

I think so much of this episode, to me, was about identity in our characters. And with Oz, you get to see all these different moments, all these different faces that he puts on, literally. You have the charmer at the party. You have the double agent, the two-faced liar. You have the man who's kind of, like, sucking it to Sofia, and trying to get in her good graces. You have honest Oz with Victor and how he's able to just be himself because he's let Victor into his life that way. And then you have the comforting Oz, which is with his mother.

And on the flipside we have Sofia, who is also in this place of identity, where she's come out of prison, she has the Hangman name connected to her. And society is telling her who she is, and her family is telling her who she is, and she's trying to define who she is within her family and within her place. And now that she's lost Alberto, she's lost a big part of her identity. The one person who truly loved her and stood by her side.

Like, we wanted this episode to really explore all the different pieces of these echaracters, and then also just to feel chaotic because with Oz - He's just like, a hair ahead of the next thing that goes wrong, and has to switch, you know, from moment to moment, so...

AMY: Yeah it's almost like he's the cartoon coyote who runs off over the cliff, but if he keeps pedaling, maybe he can pull this off. - -The Penguin Official Podcast, episode 2

Back when the first episode dropped, I had a friend reach out to me (a friend who, up until this point, never so much as entertained the idea of a Penguin not played by Danny DeVito) and tell me that it was shocking to see The Penguin painted as a sympathetic character, that the show went through such lengths to humanize the character and get us on his side and whatnot. Which, true, is part of what it's doing, I imagine a lot of people had a similar response. It is pretty great, then, that this episode is almost precision constructed to slap you in the face for thinking "oh this dude ain't so bad" after the first one, what a scumbag piece of shit Oswald is in this one, I love it

I get the sense that what's left of the plans they may have had for an Arkham series are gonna be coming through a bit in Sofia's arc, already establishing right off the bat what a ghastly place Arkham Asylum is, scar tissue on Sofia's soul that won't leave her alone.

Calling it right now that we're gonna pan upwards in the dream and see Oz shooting Alberto as soon as Sofia finds out.

I'm glad that they've made efforts to avoid dumb namechecks and references for the sake of it so I'm pretty confident Sofia's weird therapist won't turn out to be like, Jonathan Crane in disguise or secretly named Harlan Quinzel or something, but everyone's in unanimous agreement that this dude is sketchy as fuck and something is up with him. Dr Julian Rush is a supervillain name, nevermind the hypnosis lights and his behavior and that painting that looks like it was plucked straight out of The Riddler: Year One. You can make a Batman universe as grounded in realism as possible and Gotham City will still have cartoonishly ominous medical professionals.

"This man is a dog. But a dog can be made submissive." Spoken like everyone who's ever employed Oswald Cobb for anything. I like how Nadia and Sofia have the exact same view of Oz and where they think they stand with him.

Fuck yeah, Shohreh Aghdashloo, I was so excited when I heard she was announced for this, loved her in Mrs. Davis. The only problem with Clancy Brown and Shohreh Aghdashloo together on screen playing husband and wife mafiosos is that it should be incredibly hard to root for anyone else. If this wasn't the Penguin show, I would be extremely bummed out at anyone but them winning this gang war.

I really love this show turning not just Sal Maroni, but the Maroni Crime Family, into this totally distinct thing from the Falcones, I love the little tale they spin in the post-credits video about how these two met and exchanged their cultures and how Maroni formed his entire power base around her Persian gang and that's the gang that they form in Gotham nowadays. I would love it even if it was just an excuse to have Aghdashloo on the show, which it is, but it's also one of the many interesting nuggets of worldbuilding that they're adding here. It's also nice to have asian/middle-eastern characters in Gotham that aren't connected to the fucking League of Shadows, no connections to Fu Manchu and ninja squads and whatever.

In fact none of this Long Halloween/Falcone/Maroni shit has ever been as interesting as it is here in this saga, actually why bullshit around, most if not all of it has never been interesting period. Because this abstains so hard from using all the Batman comic elements people will turn up to the movies for, it has to make soup out of all the usually extremely barebones elements of regular Gotham crime, so that you will be invested in stuff involving like, Johnny Viti and so on, and it works, they're real characters now. This has to make people out of these guys like nobody's ever had to or tried before.

In fact here's another example of where the approach this universe takes to realism works: It's the first time in the show that anyone's ever said the word Penguin, and it's the first time anyone in this universe has called him Penguin to his face. Batman and Gordon kept calling him that amongst themselves, but never in direct conversation with him (closest they get is calling him a stool pigeon). And obviously you get why nobody does that openly to him, it's a crude and offensive way to refer to his disability, so obviously most people are not gonna call him that where he can hear it, especially when he already has a nickname via "Oz". So when Johnny Viti steps out here out of the blue and calls him "Penguin!", you get holy shit, what the fuck is your problem. Instantly communicates the sheer disdain and disrespect, and crucially the power over Oz, that this guy has to be calling him that in public like this. And you get to feel Oz bottling up the rage he takes at that offense. They don't have to make a thing of it, it lasts like a second, but it's a harsh reminder of how much that name stings, and so it gains weight like it never really had before.

Ah, the lovely Sopranos school of playing licensed music to signal people are about to die horribly, can't get enough of it.

I love that two episodes in the show has already established an extremely fitting routine for how Penguin does things: he spends a long time prepping schemes and setting up dominos to fall so he can ascend in the ranks, everything blows up, and then he has to scrape and struggle to slip away from the fire via additional long-term schemes and spur-of-the-moment bullshit and sheer luck, ultimately succeeding in securing an advantage but also putting himself in greater risk. Everything he does is the next step in a master plan and him shooting himself in the foot, it's just perfectly Penguin. Even when he wins, he still loses, and vice versa.

Of course Oz used to be a barback who bullshitted his way into becoming a driver with a stolen car, and of course his old boss just happened to be a rat who got shot in the head. Who would have guessed that Oz' boss got killed, just like his old boss, and his old boss that came after that one. We can talk about a lot of the ways in which Penguin emerged practically fully formed in his debut, but it turns out there was another one I had neglected. From his first appearence to 83 years later, dude just cannot stop killing his bosses.

Oz's relationship with his mother continues to be fascinating and heartbreaking and I dread how much hurt this is gonna pile on the two of them and us alike as audience members.

Oz planting Castillo was so fucking scummy and also so much smarter. Of course if he planted Viti people would be onto him because of the attack, of course Viti still had enough room to defend himself especially with the Maronis seizing Oz's blackmail. Nobody would suspect Castillo, and nobody would look deep into Castillo, and Castillo being gone only isolates Sofia enough to drive her right into Team Penguin.

"We all gotta make sacrifices, pal"

Love Sofia's tiger suit, love Sofia's wardrobe here in general.

When I say that the Falcones/Maronis/etc have never been a tenth as interesting as they are here I am very much including Sofia in this. I like Sofia Gigante as a design, but even when I assumed nothing terribly interesting would be done with Sofia here, I still said they had very good reasons to not replicate that design here, and this episode illustrates another one: Sofia Gigante is not someone people would dismiss and badmouth within earshot of her. Nobody sensible would dare not give her the reigns of the family if she wanted them. Sofia Gigante is not really a character so much as she's a menace for Batman/Two-Face to be up against. She is the inscrutable monster that Gotham City has projected onto this Sofia and is already treating her as.

Sofia isn't just dealing with the struggle of being a woman left alone in a fiercely patriarchal hierarchy as well as mental illness without proper support and with her peers ostracizing her with disdain and fear (and over something she may not even have actually done), she is dealing with the fact that society has branded her a Batman Villain and treating her as such. She is the scary new threat to be afraid of in Gotham, the psycho in the papers, the latest mutant atrocity born from corruption and crime, denied dignity and personhood at every turn and thus driving her to salvage what little she can in the only way she can, the only way anyone in Gotham can: turning the tables and exherting power and fear over others instead.

Best exemplified by that scene with her friend and that little girl. She's approached for the first time since she returned by someone who's treating her as a friend and a peer, talking about casual friend things that she hasn't heard in ages, and then one little interaction drives a veiled knife the deepest into Sofia's heart, so in turn she drives one back, and flaunts the power she has as a monster.

Love that scene where they bring Evrad to her and she's very clearly upset at having her brother's wake interrupted / reminiscing the way Alberto was brought to her on the back of a car, but deciding fuck it, bring him to the basement. Love all the ways this episode establishes Sofia as our other protagonist moving forward.

Kay could see how Michael stood to receive their homage. He reminded her of statues in Rome, statues of those Roman emperors of antiquity, who, by divine right, held the power of life and death over their fellow men - The Godfather, by Mario Puzo

Greatly enjoyed this reversal of The Godfather ending shot they've done with her, the don closing the door on the woman excluded, except we're inside the room the whole time as it closes, and it is she who is framed by opulent surroundings, it is she who gets to be framed in comparison to Roman statues the way Michael Corleone was in the book. We know who is the real don of this family framed behind the closed door.

"I'm not safe. I'm home."

I know Vengeance is not showing up here, but now I actually do want to see an interaction between the two of them. Prince and princess of the city, the broken children of Arkham, grappling with a loss that's hollowed them out and an intertwined city-reshaping legacy and a separate name consuming every facet of their life. She isn't even really a Batman villain here and I already think she's an excellent Batman villain.

For so much of her life up to this point, all she had to do was endure the nightmare only so long as it took to rejoin her brother and return safe to the protection of the family, in the kingdom which belonged to them. And now her brother is gone, murdered by someone within the family, the kingdom stones her at every turn, and she has no one to count on but the family dog nipping on her heels.

On some level, she knows he can't be trusted, she knows he's lying, but there's nobody else on her side left. Nothing else to lose. She's fallen, and in the bottom she can now join the man who's been there for as long as she's known him Or at least, the man who used to be at the bottom, because now he's got someone else to be there instead.

Topping off the episode we get this snippet of Oz at his most openly monstrous so far, in appearence as he looms down on Victor and in attitude towards him, and it's delightfully fucked that for all intents and purposes, this is still him playing nice. Because even still, he's not just being cruel for cruel's sake, he's trying to get Victor to wake up, trying to teach him a lesson so he can stop choking and get used to the corpses, because this is what it's like to be The Penguin's Robin. That he has a motive to be doing this doesn't make it any less of a horrible fucking thing to do, and it doesn't make it any less cruel, because it isn't just about reprimanding Victor and teaching him a lesson, is it? Nothing's only ever one thing with Oz.

Not when he starts off saying "Lay down, where you belong". Not when he's taking the moment to vent about how Carmine treated him in the same breath he's comparing his relationship to Carmine with the one Vic has with him. You can’t have power over someone without putting them down, without demeaning them. Somebody's gotta be at the bottom. Somebody's gotta dig up the grave. And to the rest of the Falcones, that is still Oz, but now there's someone else down there in the shit and Oz is the one putting him there.

I think maybe my favorite thing about this episode, in terms of how it contrasts the previous one, is that everything Oz does here to get ahead is predicated on exploiting/backstabbing people who are on the same position he's in, if not lower. It's easy to root for the guy when he shoots Alberto Falcone, and desperately selling out some random kid to buy himself seconds to live against Sofia is not ideal but hardly that damning. But this episode ups the ante by giving Oz a bodycount of 5-8 people, most of which are directly and even gruesomely murdered by him, and all of them were people in the same position he's in that relied on him.

The guys at the truck that used to work with him at the warehouse and were laughing at his jokes seconds before ("Oz you fucking traitor!"), Ervad the Maroni ally who played his part at the truck hijacking and was willing to sell out Viti even under risk of death, Castillo the guy whose testimony bought him goodwill before Sofia, none of these are people Oz has any kind of moral highground over, none of these are the people keeping Oz down, none of these people had revenge coming their way (...I mean okay Castillo did torture Oz last episode under Sofia's orders, but nothing Oz did to him here was motivated by that), and none of that mattered. You could also argue he's backstabbing Eve and the girls, even if not intentionally - he gave her name to Sofia as an alibi, Eve has no idea how right she is to be scared of Sofia finding out and how much Oz is bullshitting all of them.

Victor's yet to figure out that being on Oz' good side, making jokes with him and doing what he asks and having his back, will not save you from being killed for him or by him if that's what it takes for him to survive. Like he says in one of the promos: No such thing as good or evil, only survival.

Working 9 to 5 was a perfect anthem to close out the first episode and to associate with Oz, but one that's stuck in my head even more is the one used to close out this episode, the Floor Cry cover of Happy Together. It feels like such a perfect song to close out this episode and herald the start of Sofia Falcone's new journey, it's her theme and it stuck with me.

Out of all the things I could have expected about The Penguin going in, Sofia Falcone becoming one of my favorite Batman characters was definitely not one of them. She can strangle and torture whoever she wants, who cares, god forbid women do anything.

[trashmouth-richie]

hi, ziggy! ahhh i missed hih ❤️ could you pretty please do something for jealous!eddie where maybe somebody flirts with tooty because she got that milf glow after she had the babies lmao ily ❤️

anon💕💕 thank you for the req! this took a little spin and has an open ending, but!!! the twins are in this and some other familiar faces ❤️ might get a part 2? who knows!

a night out without the kids. almost an unheard of event. but tonight corroded coffin were performing their annual concert the night before halloween.

sissy & oz toted their overnight bags up the paved sidewalk to grandma and grandpa’s house— the same house you had once called home when the wheeler’s took you in as a teen.

reaching the front door eddie squats to eye level with the twin three year olds. “okay you two,” he says in his fatherly tone, “last time you stayed the night grandpa said you terrorized the cat.”

“i no do it daddy,” sissy speaks her little voice high pitched and tattling, “ows chaseded hims.”

a frown spreads on her brothers face his brown eyes pleading, “i did not! sissy made tinky swim in the potty!”

eddie bites his lip to hide a laugh and you take a deep breath, “that’s another thing, the cat’s name is bruce, not stinky.”

“but mama,” sissy complains, head held high in a defiant pose— one eddie recognizes as a mini version of his wife, “boose 's hard to say.”

eddie ruffles her hair and stands up, talking out of the side of his mouth, “always arguing like someone else i know,”

his large hand slides down the curve of your ass pinching the leather fabric snug on your skin, giving it a tight little squeeze.

“eddie!” you scold, swatting his hand away, “not in front of the babies.”

he grabs your waist and pulls you back into him before you can rap your knuckles on the front door. his mouth is hot in your ear, “sorry mama,” he purrs, dancing his tongue on the shell of your ear, “you just look so fucking hot tonight.”

sissy and oz are both slapping the door with both palms as it swings inward. “who’s makin’ all that racket?!”

“gwampa! it’s us!”

“issy and ows!”

wayne smiles as big as he always did when his grandbabies visited, “are you sure y’all ain’t no robbers are ya?”

“gwampa’s silly, daddy!” oz squeaks, squeezing wayne tight around his leg.

eddie grins and chuckles, “aww nah buddy that word is ‘senile’”

you smack eddie in the chest and usher the kids inside to play with their cousin, alex. “thanks for watching them tonight, we really appreciate it,” you say to wayne reaching through the threshold and giving him a hug.

“ah, ain’t no problem,” wayne says flipping eddie the bird behind your back, “karen and i love these little turds.”

“u too oh two be good for grandpa and grandma okay? eddie hollers, “be nice to the cat, sissy… i’m talkin’ to you.”

her little nose wrinkles into a pout and her brows furrow together.

“swear to christ himself, that kid is the spittin’ image of you, tooty.”

“god help me.” eddie pouts, “i’m gonna go gray before i’m forty.”

—

you kiss the kids goodbye and wave from the windows of your jeep before heading to the hideout. eddie looked particularly good tonight, leather pants, a cut off shirt, he even let you smear some eyeliner on his eyelids before tonight’s gig.

“nervous?” you ask, carrying some cords from eddie’s old van that now belonged to big d.

gareth walks past you with an amp, “not really, the hideouts like home away from home, makes me feel 18 again.”

you smile and ruffle his still thick curls, “will coming tonight?”

a sad look replaces his smile, “haven’t talked to him in a week… last i heard from jonathan he was staying with joyce and hopper.”

“he’ll come around man,” eddie says coming through the back door, “he loves you.”

“yeah, i hope.”

—

the boys— men now— rocked a killer show, fans still screaming for the band even though half of them were married and the lead singer had two kids.

you were front in center, in your designated spot that you always stood after the first show where eddie sang ‘lady evil’ just for you.

now you were sporting a new homemade shirt, ‘sitter’ crossed out with ‘mama’ his old leather jacket on your shoulders.

a hand sits on your lower back you giggle, “jeez nance, how drunk are you?”

only it wasn’t nancy, but a random guy. burly and tall, a thick beard on his face matching the short hair on his head, balancing a cowboy. you didn’t recognize him from anywhere and you pull back with a shocked face,

he smiles and you can smell liquor on his breath as he leans in real close, “been watchin’ you all night little darlin’ looks like you need a drink.”

you scowl and turn away from him, looking for jonathan and nancy but they’re nowhere to be found.

“hey,” he blunders stumbling towards you, “you like cowboys?”

you don’t want to give him the time of day or even the satisfaction of a tasteful retort so you do your best to ignore him, looking at eddie as he turns to thrash the guitar riff with jeff.

eddie turns back around to continue the song and shoots you a wink, the same time a big sloppy pair of lips press on your cheek, hard and unwelcoming.

you didn’t see eddie’s eyes turn to black or the way he dropped the neck of his guitar hands balled into fist, you were seeing your own scarlet red, turning and slapping the face of the drunk asphalt “cowboy”.

eddie cuts the band and grabs the mic, “hey fucker!” he pushes his lips in a smooch and whistles like a dog, “here boy, up here.. yeah you— the guy who just got slapped.”

cowboy slap face looked up to the band, “what?”

“you must be new to town, huh? a drifter maybe?”

he lifts his head and spits on the ground, “what’s it to you?”

eddie laughs a little crazy-like, “… that,” he says pointing to you, “is my wife… and i’m sure you don’t know this or maybe your marbles are a little rattled up there with the cobwebs, but..” he jumps from the stage in a dramatic flare, wet hair bouncing behind him, skin slicked in sweat.

he tossing the mic behind him, standing tall and flicking the brim of the guys hat, toe to toe. “i’m not afraid to kill a man.”

“you’re bluffin’,”

“wouldn’t be my first, and for her,” he says moving you behind him, “won’t be my last,”

….

[see-arcane]

As a fan of the book Dracula and Dracula-adjacent media, I am very used to disappointment. I can still clap when the media is impressive while pretending the characters do not have the names they have. After enough trailers and interviews, I see Nosferatu 2024 is now sadly in that category, RIP to Thomas and Ellen Hutter, the un-Harkers set to get the Francis Ford Coppola treatment ala Robert Eggers. But if directors can play dolls and make the Mina/Ellen character do bloodstained kissy kissy with Dracula/Orlok, I can do this:

ACTUALLY SUBVERSIVE IDEAS I’D BE COOL WITH IN NOSFERATU (2024) FROM LEAST TO MOST COOL

Idea I’d Be Least Cool With, But Seems Eggers-shaped:

Ellen goes full Thomasin x Black Phillip, giving into the darkness~ ooh she loves her some Orlok, talk cadaverous to me babey~ And they make out bloody style and devour the puritanical human society because Eggers will pull a del Toro and make 99.99% of the human characters assholes not worth saving from the Horrors. Maybe Thomas and un-Van Helsing are left standing, maybe not. But it’s basically the Eggers MO of Monsters/Myths > Humans, however innocent or evil, extra dark ominous ending.

Idea I’d Be Somewhat Cooler With:

Ellen is 2 goth 4 U Thomas. But she’s also not oblivious to how Orlok is going to drink everyone. Which is bad. So she’ll 1) embrace her own dark inner lust and monstrosity~ while also 2) pulling a Bride of Frankenstein climax (We belong dead.) to see to it that she and Orlok are destroyed by sunrise. Not a ‘She was too pure for this sinful Earth!’ ending, but a ‘She was too gothique and eager to monsterfuck to hang around with you prudes. But fiiine she’ll destroy herself and her beloved Orlok to save you all or whatever. :/’ Which is slightly better than the scenario of un-Van Helsing and/or Thomas executing her and Orlok. So. Sure. Vampiric murder suicide, dying with her True Orlok Love (Orlove) uwu

Idea I’d Actually Be Pretty Cool With:

Eggers says he’s focusing on the sex/death drive and love story of Nosferatu (many asterisks here). If he has the guts for it, he’ll turn it on its expected heel and do the unthinkable—put a magnifying glass on Orlok getting very weird with Thomas. Who he drinks from first. And leaves imprisoned rather than outright killing him.

“But how do you explain him coming at Ellen’s invitation? What about the whole locket scene??”

Well, that’s where the bittersweet bit happens. Heavy on the bitter. Because if Eggers wants to really put his heel down on the horror part of vampirism and Dracula’s original MO, this would be the perfect point to do a bait and switch with Ellen herself. She wants Orlok? Wants him to ravish and drink her and make her one of his undead so they can be vampires together forever and ever?

“You want me. My touch, my gift. This I know. But the question remains,” cue that sharp little rat grin, “why would I ever want you?” Remember; the only one that explicitly craved what Dracula had to offer in the novel and in Nosferatu was the Renfield character. The one who saw the Count as a means to their end, who pined for him and what he could give. Bar the more sexual/amorous elements with Eggers-Ellen, she’s going after the same thing. This, when Classic Dracula is very much about preying on those who are terrified of and/or loathe him—he’s a conqueror, not a suitor. If you want it, he doesn’t want you. So it’s very possible that Ellen’s unwittingly set herself up for not only disappointment, but a potentially violent end.

“Sounds fucked up. But again, where’s the ‘love story’ bit? What’s up with him taking the locket?”

The locket that Thomas had. Of his wife, who he loves. Who he risked death and worse to crawl his way home to. Who, if he’s anything more like the novel Jonathan Harker he was based on, would become aware of Ellen’s condition/Orlokian preference and simply be heartbroken, yet still unable to turn against her. Ever.

Thomas Hutter’s heart belongs to Ellen, breaking or not. Thomas is also the one who Orlok clings to like his own shadow for the entire stay in the castle. The locket is taken not because it’s an image of Ellen <3, but because it’s an image of the competition/distraction for Orlok’s pet real estate agent who he is Very Normal about. And this is all supposing he doesn't just outright destroy the locket in a petty rage, per the vile thing-mirror scene.

The climax comes with Orlok about to off Ellen, only for Thomas to arrive and offer a trade. Him for her. Orlok takes the deal, latching happily onto Thomas and setting himself up for the sunrise trap. It would make sense. It would boot the old Reinforced Hetero rule of ‘he has to be drinking a pure maiden for it to work!!’ It would be genuinely subversive and tragic as a gothic love triangle, perhaps capped with un-Van Helsing arriving too late and finding Ellen grieving over the corpse of Thomas, Orlok having gone to burning dust as he fed.

Which could lean toward a special knife twist ending in itself:

Ellen mourns not just what was lost, but what she threw away, not realizing what she had in Thomas until he died for her. Tragique. ...Unless.

Ellen refuses to let un-Van Helsing ‘desecrate’ Thomas’ corpse with stake and saw. In fact, she kills him outright when he tries. Cut to the next evening, where Ellen sits patient and unblinking at Thomas’ bedside. The sun goes down. Cue some implying beat in which we realize that Ellen’s clocked that she’s been misinterpreting her prophetic dreams all this time. An epiphany that comes to fruition as we see her smile at some sudden change off-screen while facing Thomas’ cadaver on the bed.

The Embodiment of Death she was pining for was never Orlok, but Thomas. Rather, Thomas fully metamorphosed into Nosferatu.

“Come to me,” she whispers. “Hear my call…”

Thomas hears. A claw-tipped hand raises up to hers. The wedding ring on it gleams.

The End. (?)

It won’t happen. I know it won’t happen. But goddamn would I love to be proven wrong.

[rosiemarieyn]

𐙚 - ⊱♰ 𝐌𝐚𝐬𝐭𝐞𝐫𝐥𝐢𝐬𝐭 !!♰ ⊰

⋅───⊱༺ ♰ ༻⊰───⋅

𐙚 Aesthetics. !! 𐙚 interact to be in the taglist !! 𐙚 mutuals? 𐙚 Requests !!

౨ৎ ⋆｡˚

⋅───⊱༺ ♰ ༻⊰───⋅

!! I ONLY USE TUMBLR TO POST MY WRITINGS, SO PLEASE REPORT THE ONES YOU SEE ON OTHER PLATFORMS !!

Thomas Shelby

Pretty White Dress (angst)

𐙚 Thomas meets a foreign beauty while trying to get over his former wifes’ death.

Secret (darkfic, fluff & angst) !spy reader! !mentions of death, murder!

𐙚 Being a spy sent to kill Thomas Shelby didn’t go well…but in the end you are happy.

First Love (fluff & drabble)

𐙚 Loving someone you’re not supposed to might not go as bad as they say.

Evening Party (fluff)

𐙚 Meeting the blue eyed stranger who makes your heart flutter.

Silence (darkfic & angst)

𐙚 He only cared about himself, leaving you to rot away.

Lying Love (angst & lovers to strangers) !young&old tommy and reader!

𐙚 You need his sinful love to surround you while you slowly crumble into pieces.

Locket (angst, fluff & friends to strangers)

𐙚 This is what makes us girls, loving people you shouldn’t.

Can’t Take My Eyes Off You (fluff)

𐙚 Can’t take his eyes off you.

It’ll Pass (angst & lovers to strangers)

𐙚 He is in the past, just forget about him. But how could you when all you can think about is him?

Office Hours (fluff)

𐙚 Your annoying boss and his annoying behaviour.

Jonathan Crane

Favour ||pt. 1|| (darkfic)

𐙚 Your annoying boss decides firing you, or you could do him a favour and keep your job.

One Day (angst, friends to strangers & fluff) !mentions of abuse!

𐙚 “Don’t make promises you can’t keep” you trusted him not to but it seems like he was like the others.

Nightmares (angst, fluff & drabble) ‘hurt/comfort’

𐙚 Comforting him from his dark nightmare about his past.

Piece Of My Past (angst & fluff/comfort) !mentions of SA!

𐙚 Holding trauma to yourself might not be the best idea but what were you supposed to do? They wouldn't believe you. Now here you were, in an asylum for the things that never happened by you but to you.

Tom (the party)

Addiction (angst, infidelity & drabble) !substance abuse!

𐙚 You watched your husband become a different man for his own good, while leaving his past on you forever.

Robert Fischer

I Don't Like You, I Love You (angst, fluff & friends to enemies to lovers)

𐙚 Robert Fischer, who was once your childhood best friend, becomes an enemy because of you guys' parents. Ten years later, both your parents decide it would be for the best for both of you to marry and save the broken bridge between both your family.

Tore Me Apart (Angst & infidelity)

𐙚 Oh, to be loved the way you love.

Neil Lewis

Stranger In A Band (fluff) !male reader!

𐙚 Someone being in a band AND being into movies? Was Neil in heaven?

J Robert Oppenheimer

Robert Capa

Lenny Miller

Warehouse (enemies to lovers & fluff) !spy reader!

𐙚 Sneaking in went wrong, now you have to face him.

Jackson Rippner

Past Mistakes Catching Up (darkfic) !murder threats!

𐙚 You can’t escape him, even if you tried.

Tom Buckley

Raymond Leon

⋅───⊱༺ ♰ ༻⊰───⋅

[weyounpussyindulgence]

Some highlights from my week at STLV

- Meeting Garrett Wang first, giving him a special Voyager limerick I wrote for him, and him loving it

- Getting my picture with John Billingsley and his wife Bonnie and getting some great advice about starting out in the acting industry from them

- Telling Tawny Newsome she looked beautiful and her complimenting my TOS inspired blue eyeshadow (and then her recognizing me the day after when I got her autograph)

- Jess Bush also complimenting me on my eyeshadow

- Walking past Anthony Montgomery and telling him “Hi! I think you’re really cool!” and him replying “Thank you, I appreciate that! I think you’re cool too!”

- Getting a duo picture with Jonathan Frakes and Brent Spiner, and Frakes telling me that I looked pretty

- Talking to Marina Sirtis, telling her I was there for my birthday, and her wishing me happy birthday and gifting me a free signed photo of Deanna

- Talking about Out to Sea with Brent and listening to him regale the fun he had making that movie

- Talking with Cirroc Lofton about his experience working with Avery Brooks and mutually agreeing that Star Trek needs more wholesome parent/child relationships

- Listening to John de Lancie talk about his experience sailing from California to French Polynesia (I could listen to him talk for hours, his voice is so soothing)

- Going to a memorial panel for Nichelle Nichols that featured her sister as a surprise guest (holy moly, she looked and sounded exactly like Nichelle 🥹)

- Going to another memorial for Aron Eisenberg and getting to make a toast to him with Cirroc and other fans (they used root beer for the drinks and had gummy worms “tube grubs” as table snacks)

- The moderator for the TNG panel not showing up, allowing Frakes to take over and him, Brent and Gates going absolutely batshit feral on stage

- Walter Koenig speaking out against the genocide in Palestine (and just getting to hear him talk in general)

- Seeing Armin Shimerman again and getting to tell him how much I enjoyed Betrayal of Angels (and his face lighting up when I told him how great an author he is)

- Sara Mitich and Ronnie Rowe both wishing me happy birthday and just being all around so kind and patient

- Telling Nana Visitor that she had the voice of an angel when she sings, and seeing how big and beautiful a smile she got

- Telling Kate Mulgrew she looked beautiful and her replying “Thank you! So do you.”

- JG Hertzler telling an absolutely hilarious story about how Avery Brooks and Rene Auberjonois got into a fight about one of Rene’s line deliveries while filming Far Beyond the Stars

- Richard McGee, Jay Chattaway and Jeff Russo conducting an absolutely phenomenal orchestral concert of Trek songs

- Seeing a really fun dinner show with some of the actors singing Broadway songs (my personal favorites being Nana, Robert Picardo, Bonnie Gordon, Jon Jon Briones and Celia Rose Gooding)

- Seeing Jeffrey Combs again and getting to ask him during his panel what would happen if all of his Trek characters were in the same room together (his answer: they would probably start either a baseball team or a rock band)

- Getting a picture taken with myself and both Carol Kane and Christopher Lloyd together

- Getting Mary Chieffo’s autograph and her writing happy birthday in Klingonese on it

- The entirety of the Rat Pack performance

- Getting to meet and interact with Trekkies of different ages, race, gender and sexuality and all of them incredibly nice

[silly-l1ttle-guy]

silly little guy's list of stinky ships

Fugio

fucking love fugio

giorno x fugo for life

calm bf and angry bf

ending of phf pretty gay too

2. Bruabba

perfect for eachother

bruabba holds a special place in my heart

bruno x abbacchio

depressed goth and the tired dad who keeps him stable

3. Caejose

one of the first ships i really liked

caesar x joseph

training wasn't the ONLY thing they did together

hotheaded bf and airheaded bf

4. josuyasu

another one of the first ships I really got into

josuke x okuyasu

probably too shy to kiss each other

love these guys

5. avpol

avdol x polnareff

just look at them

gorgeous dark skinned man and his weird ass pale shrimp bf

i love au's where they live together with iggy

6. jonaeriwagon

i've never seen fanart of this ship that isn't adorable

jonathan x erina x speedwagon

gentle giant husband, kind wife, and their anxious bf

great ship

7. esikars

esidisi x kars

idk what to tell you lmao

they raised two kids together without any help, there's no way something gay isn't going on there

proud and egotistical bastard and his goofy ass bf

8. yasugap

yasuho x josuk8/gappy

they're perfect for each other

i haven't read part 8 yet but from what i know, they're the only thing that matters

silly pretty girl and her confused dumbass bf

9. jolymes

jolyne x hermes

i love lesbians i wish they were real

bad bitch x bad bitch

they have the exact same thought process

10. gyjo

gyro x johnny

fruity italian and his twink american bf

i love this ship it's so cute

olive garden

------

HONERABLE MENTIONS:

weathersui (weather x anasui)

dionilla (dio x vanilla ice)

caejoseQ (caesar x joseph x suzi)

whamseph (wamuu x joseph)

jotakak (jotaro x kakyoin)

dinopants (diego x hot pants)

pucci x jotaro (purely for shits and giggles)

jolsui (jolyne x anasui)

naramis (narancia x mista)

kiranobu (kira x shinobu)

jotahan (also shits and giggles, jotaro x rohan)

melghia (melone x ghiaccio)

sillywagon (silly little guy x speedwagon) (THIS IS A JOKE)

------

fugio real

[pinguwrites]

Drabble: yandere!jonathan kidnaps you

Pairing -> dark!jonathan crane x reader

Warnings -> DARK!!, kidnapping, don’t read if you’re not comfortable

Disclaimer: The Dark Knight trilogy/DC characters, plots, quotes, etc. do not belong to me and belong to the rightful owner(s). This is only fanfiction and this is just for fun.

“Don’t worry about a thing, my dear,” Jonathan cooed, sneaking his arms around your waist. He gripped your body tightly and leaned in, his nose brushing against your neck as he delicately inhaled your scent. “You’ll be safe here with me. You’ll be protected.”

You tried not to cry, but you couldn’t help it. Tears streamed down your face and your breathing hitched, and in a desperate attempt to feel some comfort you clutched your captor's shoulders, letting him place soft kisses down your neck.

It was all so surreal. It felt like a dream, a disturbing nightmare, the kind that plagues your mind even after you wake up. You weren’t even sure how you got here. Jonathan had always been a sweet man, albeit a smart-ass, but never in a thousand years did you imagine that he would ever kidnap you, cuffing you to his bed with the intention of slipping a pretty ring on your finger.

You were almost flattered, like the foolish girl you were. It was difficult not to like his touch and proclamations of love when he had already attracted you from the start. That was the worst part about it. If Jonathan hadn’t kidnapped you, you would have fallen for him regardless. You would have fallen for him not knowing he was a monster.

He noticed your tears and wiped them away with his thumb. “I know, I know. It’ll take a while to get used to it, but you’re doing so well so far.”

You looked down, not responding. Jonathan lightly gripped your chin and attempted to guide your face up. When it didn’t work, he dug his fingers in and forced you to look at him.

“C’mon, don’t be like that. I know you wanted this — I could see it in the way you looked at me.”

You didn’t deny it, nor did you agree. “Jonathan,” you whimpered, your voice wobbly. “I miss my family. I want them to know I’m okay.”

He frowned a little. “I’ll let you see them, maybe,” he said, and while your eyes brightened, you weren’t sure if he was lying or not. “If you continue being a good girl.”

He kissed you, a little rough, enough so that it elicited a sound of surprise out of you, to which he smiled against your lips.

He pulled away. “I’ll get you some books, alright? I’ll even help you finish your education,” he added, resting his forehead against yours. He cupped your cheeks in his hands. “You’ll love it here, my darling wife. I promise.”

[darkficsyouneveraskedfor]

Second Chance 1

Warnings: non/dubcon, and other dark elements. My username actually says you never asked for any of this.

My warnings are not exhaustive but be aware this is a dark fic and may include potentially triggering topics. Please use your common sense when consuming content. I am not responsible for your decisions.

Characters: Jonathan Pine

Summary: You move into your parents' house as you try to rebuild your life, catching the attention of someone you never expected.

Part of the Brother's Best Friend Universe

As usual, I would appreciate any and all feedback. I’m happy to once more go on this adventure with all of you! Thank you in advance for your comments and for reblogging.

It’s no glorious homecoming. You have little to be proud of. A broken relationship, a lost job, and wasted years. In hindsight, it’s easy to see how stupid you are. Even with the excuse of emotion, you can’t forgive yourself for your own poor choices.

Back to square one. Literally. What kind of forty-two year old lives with their parents? The one staring back at you.

You splash your face, rinsing away the collagen wash that doesn’t seem to help the wrinkles. If it had, maybe he wouldn’t have cheated. Maybe he wouldn’t be shacked up with a woman half your age. A girl, really.

You shake your head and sigh. Nothing you can do or undo.

You shut off the tap as you hear voices above. The basement is close enough to an apartment; you have your own bathroom and a reasonable amount of space. Privacy is another matter as your mother barges in to get to the laundry room or even just chatter about Clara’s casserole.

You dry your face and your hands and leave the bathroom. You cross the carpeted floor to the stairs and pause. Your brother must have got to town early and your parents are ecstatic to have him back. They can be proud of him; he’s an executive in a national company with a wife-to-be on his arm. Younger but always ahead of you.

You still haven’t found the courage to go up and say hello. Now’s as good a time as ever. You’re thirsty and they say hydration is the key to staying young. Yeah right, that’s not something you can change now.

You hope your future sister-in-law doesn’t mind your pajamas. The blue and white striped satin set are of the few nice things you salvaged from your former life. You open the door and shuffle up in your slippers.

The voices draw you to the kitchen. You peek around and find your parents standing on one side of the square island as your brother stands between two other figures. You didn’t think there was anyone else coming.

You think better of introducing yourself. You’ll go back downstairs and say you fell asleep. As you turn, your arm hits the vase on the side table. You cringe as it goes silent.

“Honey?” Your mother calls to you. You exhale and steel yourself.

“Uh, hi,” you sidle into the doorway, “I didn’t want to interrupt. I just wanted to get some water.”

“Nonsense, Jaydon’s here with his love fiancee, Tandi,” she trills as she beckons you forward, “and Jonathan popped in to catch up.”

You look around as you near the island. Jonathan. Pine? You didn’t think he was still around here. Everyone else seems to have moved on.

“Hey,” your brother, Jaydon grumbles.

“It’s so nice to meet you,” Tandi offers her hand with a bright smile. She’s tall and slim and beautiful and probably ten years younger than your brother. Why do men always do that?

“You too,” you give a strained smile.

“Nice to see you again,” Jonathan intones and you look at him, struck by his clinging eyes.

He changed but he is not unrecognizable. He was always the tall, stringy kid but he’s filled out, he has some lines across his forehead and around his eyes, but they only refine his looks. He used to just be your brother’s sidekick, now he stays straight and confident.

“You too, Jonathan,” you murmur, “sorry, I didn’t think you’d be here tonight.”

“We made pretty good time,” Jaydon says proudly.

“Just so happens I’m in town for a family affair as well,” Jonathan adds, “good a time as ever to reconnect.”

You nod and wait for someone else to speak. You have nothing exciting to boast of. You’d rather fade into the background in the shine of their achievements. You’re certain they’ve already been briefed on your comedy of errors.

“Me and Tandi were just saying we’d like to go to the farmer’s market tomorrow. You could join us for a ladies’ day out. We’ll give the men some space,” your mother chimes. “Get you out of the house.”

Her last comments sting. You’ve been hiding. You don’t want to be recognised or need to explain yourself. Even if you did deflect curiosity, you don’t need another reminder of all your failures. And the farmer’s market? What are you going to do there? You don’t have the money for overpriced heirloom tomatoes.

Still, you have to play along. That was the talk your mother had with you. Like a teenager she had to tell you exactly how to behave when company was there. Company? He’s your brother.

“Sure, that sounds good,” you agree.

“I’m so excited,” Tandi beams, “it will be nice to explore and get to know Jay’s hometown.”

She touches his arm and he promptly drapes it around her shoulders. Jay? He always hated being called that but he seems to like her. For now. Their show of intimacy makes you shrivel up inside.

“There is very much to see,” Jonathan quips, putting your own thoughts to words. “Quaint, as the polite would put it.”

“Well, I recall you never had any issue finding something to do,” your mother rebukes playfully and Jonathan smirks.

“Yes, but I don’t suppose it’s the sort of activity your little ladies’ day out would entail,” he gives a coy tilt of his head.

“I hope you’ve grown out of that,” your mother kids.

“Mm, I like to think I have,” he shrugs.

You’re certain he has. All of them are the adults in the room and you’re the hermit in the basement. You have no illusions, you know your mother, you know all your mistakes have been laid out on the table; on every table in town. Oh woe to her, she always did try to raise you right.

“Mm, yes, well, it has been so long and you are all adults,” your mother says, as if to affirm your resent, “you’ve all come such a far way.”

You bite down on your cheeks, holding your tongue. It’s probably not a snipe at you, you’re just sensitive. You look at the counter and try to make yourself small. The glimpse of your pajamas once more sets you apart from them. How embarrassing.

“Oh, yes, speaking of,” Jaydon pipes up, “the engagement party. You said you had a venue in mind. We should see that while we’re here.”

“Ah,” your mother nearly squeals, “you’re going to do it here?”

“We talked about it,” Jaydon looks at Tandi, “but the wedding is still up in the air.”

“Oh my, how exciting,” your mother trills. “Perhaps tomorrow then, we might do that as well,” your mother continues her giddy raving, “mm, and flowers, catering, oh! A dress…”

You could slip away right then. She wouldn’t notice. None of them would.

You peek over at her. She was never that excited for you. Well, you never got the ring. You were never that special. You tear your eyes away and they meet another pair. You quickly wipe the sadness from your face and send Jonathan a plaintive smile. His eyes narrow and his gaze lingers.

You break your own stare and try to focus on the conversation. You should be happy for your brother, not bitter. Afterall, you made your own mistakes, not him.

[thefundiemuseum]

Jill vs. the Coveretts: A Timeline of Events

While there have been vagueposts on both sides prior to Tim + Heidi's wedding, and Hallie has been pretty open about her opinions on Jill, I'm going to focus on the social media back and forth around Tim's wedding.

As far as I can tell it starts here, with Jill posting about the wedding.

She says that pics will follow once Tim + Heidi give the go-ahead. At first, that seems like a huge step forward for Jill and Tim. A boundary set by one of her children that Jill respects? Even though it could deny her social media engagement and the opportunity to talk about marriage? HUGE. Big if true.

... It was (probably) not true. Also at the wedding, Jill takes some pictures of of Samuel + Brianne. More on that later.

Within a couple of days, Jill broadcasts to the world about Tim + Heidi's purity with some (unflattering) video and images from the wedding. It is unclear if she actually got that approval from the bride and groom, or if she couldn't resist posting about the wedding. If they did approve of her posting, it's unlikely that they approved of the whole "purity" thing, given Heidi's family's reaction.

"We are so thankful that Timothy and Heidi chose purity in their relationship. It brings God great glory!"

Ellen and Hallie Coverett have Thoughts about Jill's post. Ellen says "Some things can be left private and don't need to be plastered all over facebook. Especially if it's about someone else. Private decisions between a husband and wife is not the world's business. JS We need to stop making preferences, commandments. Stop making others feel bad or dirty for having a different opinion.""

Heidi's grandmother weighs in with "TMI. This should be left private."

At this point, Jill could remove the video per Heidi's family's requests. She could apologize for crossing a boundary. She could even do nothing, which might be better than what she chose to do. . . The Double Down.

David also posts in her defense. I'm not including the full things because I'd probably hit my limit of images that I'm allowed in a single post.

Hallie (Coverett) Judge is done with Jill's shit.

Several Rods come to Jill's defense, however.

Nurie writes about her own experience saving her first kiss for the wedding. It's giving "well I never wore a seatbelt growing up and I turned out just fine, what are YOU so worked up about?" (Guess who just remembered Nurie's track record with seatbelts. . .) It's like that weird aunt who says at family reunions "my mother commented on my weight all the time and I turned out fine, so I don't understand why you're making a big deal out of all this."

Jonathan and Kaylee chime in. They're a little more subtle than Nurie in their support for Jill, but they're still pro "save the first kiss for the altar, and then tell everyone about it."

And then Timothy finally gets involved. He starts by untagging himself from his mother's FB post. Jill appears to then edit his name out of her post to hide the fact that he was originally tagged there.

Tim posts on Facebook thanking everyone for the well wishes. He includes a scripture that commands men to "leave his father and mother and be joined unto his wife." Often shortened to "leave and cleave," this verse is typically used in Christian circles to, among other things, emphasize the importance of growing up and establishing your own family separate from your parents'. While a secular person might say "cut the cord" in response to an overbearing MIL, a conservative Christian might say "leave and cleave."

Renee writes a poem and posts it to Jill's FB (allegedly, I'm still not convinced that anyone but Jill ever writes for her socials). The poem is quite long and all about how important it is to listen to your mother, how your mother's love is there to protect you. Some highlights:

"As the toddler reaches for an object on the shelf, / Not knowing that it may bring harm or danger to herself, / Her mother quickly scolds her as she leads the babe away."

"In each mistake or wilful [sic] sin and choice to disobey, / Her mama still is standing near, to guide, correct, and pray."

"The soul inside her daughters [sic] heart is far too great a price, / To keep from saying something, for the sake of being 'nice'."

As poetry goes, it's pretty mediocre. Maybe someday I'll do a full analysis of Rodlet poetry, but for the time being, just know that it's what you'd expect. A singsong meter, AABB rhyme, fairly juvenile language.

I think Brianne is the last to jump in on all this. She is in full support of Jill. If there were any question as to how well Brianne will fit with this family--not anymore.

We have another vaguepost from Ellen Coverett about the ways our children grow up and grow away from us.

Update! On October 3 (he asked me what day it was I'm sorry I can't help myself), Jill posts pictures she took of Samuel + Brianne for their "official courtship photoshoot."

Eagle-eyed viewers may notice that Samuel is in his wedding attire.

This photoshoot was done AT the wedding.

Brianne went to this wedding with her princess dress presumably stowed in the car, took the time to change (during the reception, I guess?), and had a whole photoshoot with Samuel while they were there to celebrate and support Timothy + Heidi.

AND THEN JILL TAGS IT #RESPECTFULTOPARENTS.

Ok, Jill. We get it. You have a favorite, and it's the gal who won't set boundaries with you.

Miscellaneous

I wasn't sure where to put these in the timeline, but I think it's worth noting that Jill seems to pick out the photos that are specifically the most unflattering to Heidi.

Heidi's eyes are closed! And Jill is stepping on her dress! (The labels for the in-laws, the arrow pointing to Newman(?), the photoshopped Phil--there's so much going on.)

Also, Jill posts about the mocktail bar at the wedding, and Hallie reveals that not everyone was drinking mocktails that evening.

What Now?

As far as we can tell, there is no great schism in the Rod family. Ellen Coverett is still in Jill's downline, still selling Plexus and touting its benefits.

I hope Tim continues to set boundaries and establish distance from his mom. I hope he and Heidi are enjoying married life and not getting bogged down in social media nonsense. I hope he finds a healthier example of what a family can look like in the Coveretts. I hope he continues to grow.

(And yeah, it's so cathartic to see Hallie call Jill out on her BS.)