#i love john mulaney

[wearebackbagels]

I dont have an account on AOooo so i will write stuff here, it wont be entertaining, it won’t even be good but it will be something to pump up the paddy x augustin tag.

[dreamsandconstellations]

[oh-theatre]

Writing scene descriptions:

Writing dialogue:

[corpusdiem-seizethedead]

Angel: *contemplating a fancy bottle* Hey, d'ya think this is alcohol or perfume?

Husk: *grabs bottle. drinks all of it*

Angel:

Husk:

Angel:

Husk: It's perfume

[starlitvick]

Odysseus of Ithaca, King of Ithaca, Lord of Lies, Husband of Penelope, Father of Telemachus, and Master Traumadumper

Odysseus: (to the court of Phaeacia) I have had a very long decade. I am very tired and I have no money. So you can imagine the kind of stress I am under.

[forgetful-nerd]

2012 Baxter Stockman talking about the 2012 turtles essentially:

The 2012 boys really bullied a 30-something year old man.

[professor-doc-emeritus]

I love the dichotomy we get between jinshi and the emperor that shows off how the traits that make jinshi a great prince, boss, friend (husband 👀👀👀👀) are the very same traits that will make him a terrible emperor.

His hard working streak that lets him handle his weird assignments with grace and manage the clashing egos of the inner palace is what will get him killed by overwork as emperor since he has no real head for delegation. It took 11 volumes and the intervention of most of his immediate family just to get jinshi to hire a secretary. The emperor always being free to host parties, sleep with the consorts, and bust jinshis balls in-between it all is, much like lakan always being free to annoy maomao, actually a sign of him being god-like at delegation and organizational management.

His lack of ego and willingness to look the fool if it gets the job done is great for avoiding political snafus and getting to the truth of things. It's genuinely the thing that makes all his expeditions to the western capital so wildly successful: he really doesn't gaf about how he's seen by the public, so long as the job gets done and his friends aren't in immediate danger. It's also the exact opposite of what you need from a head of state who's legitimacy is not-insignificantly based on the public perceiving you as an instrument of the will of heaven. The emperor being willing to kill people and their families over slights jinshi (and most sane human beings) would be willing to let slide is cruel and inhuman, but it's also what keeps the populace at large from being able to organize against him and challenge the imperial power.

Jinshis compassionate streak, his urge to save as many people he can and find the best solution for everyone possible, makes him great to work for. He'll give you assignments that match your hyper fixation, work around your crippling social anxiety, give you a post that just-so-happens to involve you staying with the love of your life for a few months. More over, he isn't gonna risk his life and your position over petty ego or greed when he can find a peaceful solution instead. But the hesitation he feels at using people like tools, and his unwillingness to act if it means throwing people under the bus, is what will lead to death and destruction if he's the emperor. Especially in a time of war. The current emperor is willing to ruin lives and crush nations if it reaches a goal, advances an agenda.

Finally, jinshis loyalty, I'd say even more than his looks, is what draws people to him. He loves his toys, can't stand to give them up. It makes him a great romantic figure. But when you're the emperor, and you need to be willing and able to marry someone for political ends, produce as many heirs as possible regardless of who with, and set aside the feelings of those women for your own sake, that loyalty is poison.

Idk, so often in stories with these systems they sorta follow the logic of "if he's a good person he'll be a good leader." I think it's cool to have a series talk about how being a leader involves being EXTREMELY comfortable with being an asshole, for a myriad of reasons, and how someone being pleasant to work for wouldn't make them an effect monarch.

[capseycartwright]

i fear it’s a skill issue to not enjoy eddies bitchiness because buck does and one day he’ll proudly be like. my boyfriend eddie is a bitch and i like him so much.

[incorrectvtuberquotes]

"The One Thing You Can't Replace" - Ex-Niji Version

AKA the closest I'll ever get to discourse-posting. But if you have quotes for Mint, Doki and the rest, by all means send them in!

Maid Mint: Another story I heard about myself... This one happened in Nijisanji. We had this boss, Mr. Tazumi, and I had a kouhai who went to our agency, Rosemi Lovelock. She was in Obsydia and I was in LazuLight, so she was a gen behind me.

Mint: So Mr. Tazumi was an asshole. And one weekend, he and his yacht decided to leave town, which you should never do if you're an asshole. And Rosemi decided to throw a party at the HQ - hooray! So everyone around Niji heard about it, and we all got up individually and said:

Quinn Benet: Okay. Let's go over there and destroy the place.

Mint: I walked into this party. Everyone I had ever met was there, and everyone was drinking like it was the end of the world! We were drinking like it was the Civil War and a doctor was coming to saw our legs off. It was totally unsupervised. We were like dogs without horses - we were running wild.

Mint: I walked down... I walked down to the basement. They had a pool table in the basement.

[Cut to Michi Mochievee, jumping onto the pool table]

Mint: One kid took a running start and threw her body onto the pool table and broke it in half.

[Cut to Kuro, plotting mischief]

Mint: Another kid found out which office was Tazumi's and went upstairs and took a shit on his computer.

Mint: So the party was going great.

[Chat cheers]

Mint: I'm standing in the basement, and I'm holding a red cup - you've seen movies - and I'm standing there, and I'm starting to black out. And I guess someone said, like...

Sayu: Something, something, managers.

Mint: And in a brilliant moment of word association, I yelled:

Mint/Pomu: FUCK THE MANAGERS! FUCK THE MANAGERS!

Mint: And everyone else joined in! Three dozen drunk EN children yelling "Fuck. Da. Managers." with the confidence of guys who have, like, already been to jail and aren't afraid of it anymore - you know, that "I served my nickel! You come and take me!" confidence. But EN children.

Mint: The reason someone had said "something something managers" was because the managers were there. So an Anycolor manager walked down the stairs and got to the bottom in the basement, and looked out over a sea of drunk toddlers yelling "Fuck the managers!" in his face! And he was almost impressed! He was like, "Wooooowww..." And then he leaned into his walkie-talkie and went: "Get the paddywagon!"

Mint: And my friend Matara - who is now a mother, this woman has babies - she grabbed a 40, smashed it on the ground and yelled:

Matara: SCATTER!!!

Mint: And everyone ran in a different direction. We all ran in different directions. It was like that scene in Rat-tat-touille when the humans come in the kitchen and all the rats go in different ways - we all ran in different directions.

Mint: I ran into the laundry room and I jumped up on a washing machine, and I crawled out through a window into the back alley, and now I'm running through the back alley and there was this big chain link fence. And I thought:

Mint/Pomu: I have never climbed a fence that high before!

Mint: And then I woke up at home.

[Chat laughs uproariously]

Mint: On Monday, I went to work, because that's what we did back then. And I'm walking into the collab, and who do I see but Rosemi Lovelock. And she says to me:

Rosemi: Hey, were you at my party on Saturday?

Mint: And I said no. You know, like a liar. And she said:

Rosemi: Things got really out of hand. Someone broke the pool table. Someone took a dump on Tazumi-san's computer. But the worst thing is, someone stole these old antique photos of Tazumi's grandmother. And our bosses are freaking out about it.

Mint: And I had that thought that only blackout drunks and Steve Urkel can have: "Did I do that?"

[She pauses as chat reacts]

Mint: I figured no, I wouldn't have done that. But I was never sure - until, a year later... Relax!

Mint: I'm playing video games with this kid named Dokibird, that we also went to Nijisanji with. A year later, we've graduated by now. We're playing video games for a couple hours. And then Doki says to me:

Doki: Hey, come here, I wanna show you something.

Mint: And she takes me into her bedroom, and then she takes me into a side room off of her bedroom - never a good thing to have.

Mint: And she shows me a tiny room that is covered wall to wall in stolen antique photos from Nijisanji parties over the years. And I said: "Why? Why do you do this?"

Mint: And Doki said:

Doki: Because it's the one thing Tazumi can't replace.

[Chat erupts into laughter and cheers]

[oh-theatre]

Tim: *explaining an incredibly meticulous and thought out plan*

Tim: what about you guys, any ideas?

Bart, Kon and Cassie:

[curesforwritersblock]

john mulaney presenting chappell roan on saturday night live is doing something for a very specific annoying demographic on tumblr

[blenderenvy]

I love you irredeemable villains

I love you ugly villains impossible to sexualize

I love you villains who don't give a fuck about anyone else

I love you villains who has a good childhood

I love you villains who are capitalist

I love you lil jack horner

I love problematic horrific villains who disregard others for the sake of money, because they are the most true to life of all villains

We don't all have tragic backstories sometimes people just suck

[lucytears]

i drew the ship of all time Farcille

i love these two SO BAD and i tried using a reference for this one...not sure how i like how it turned out though

oh well!!

[whereisthebigstabbyman]

Baby J (2023)

[standupcomedyhistorian]

Good morning!

I know it's been a long time since I've posted (I've finally settled in to my new home with my boyfriend Jeff), but I had to write about my new favorite comedy thing right now:

EVERYBODY'S IN L.A.!

There have been two live episodes so far (Coyotes and Palm Trees), but the chaotic and absurd nature of the program has been an absolute BLAST to watch, and I am totally digging John Mulaney's new look lol.

If you're a fan of improv comedy or just want to see some of your favorite comics sitting in a 1970s living room set getting snacks from a roving robot (Saymo scared the SHIT out of Jon Stewart last night on multiple occasions lol), then I urge you to watch.

The episodes are live at 10pm ET, and there are four topics left:

Helicopters

Ghosts

Earthquakes

LA

And so many fun guest stars will be showing up, including my boys Gil and George! (Oh...HELLO)

Have you been watching? What do you think of John's talk show format? Doesn't it sound similar to what he proposed about interviewing experts in that ill-fated 2020 GQ article?

But I always wanted to do a talk show where the guest is always someone from a job that I don't understand. I'd love to interview a dog catcher and be like, "What is that like? How do you feel about yourself? I'm not judging, but I am a little. How do you feel rounding up dogs and taking them to the pound?" I had two ideas for a talk show once. And by ideas, I mean I thought about them in the privacy of my own room. One would be just interviewing people who do anything that interests me. And I don't mean like on the ground and I'm watching them do their job. It would be like a talk show set and they'd come out and there'd be a band and so forth.

Anyway, I hope you all enjoy the rest of the episodes, and keep it here for more comedy fun! ✌🏼🐔

[willow-bone-art]

it's every 5 minutes with this man i s2g