#i love it so much i cant keep it just for myself
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I have bothered my friends about this enough so now I'm posting my ramblings to tumblr so i don't annoy anyone. This is primarily about being disabled.
I love Viktor so much. I love seeing disability rep in media, especially the way they talk about Viktor within arcane. I will phrase this in the most vague way I can - at the end of season two when Jayce talks to Viktor about it I wanted to implode. I would kill for someone to say that to me. I relate to him on an insane level. Starting off with something i find amusing and unrelated to disability - my eyes are actually fairly similar in color to his, specifically when I’m outside/in natural light. One of my friends called them dark honey one time which i think is really cute. Now onto the disability part - I am physically disabled (I have hypermobile ehlers danlos syndrome) and often walk with a limp due to pain and have to use braces a lot. While I am dealing with my flare ups reading fics from Viktors pov is really therapeutic because they make me feel like I am not alone in my pain. They help to distract me from the pain too. Something within the fics--the ones that have his pain as a central element--that i love is how much the other characters (namely jayce) care about him and just see him. People who aren't disabled probably don't know how hard it is to ask for the help you need it during flares for fear of being a burden or being weak. When people just offer help, even with small things like getting a blanket or making a cup of tea, it truly means the world. I have been in a flare for three days and have been virtually on my own with it because I don't live with people i like much or even care to know that well and cant really physically leave once the flare is active. I have been living off of crackers, cheese, and cereal because I cant make myself food which sucks. I am lucky i had put my mini fridge next to my bed so i don't have to walk to get ice packs or cheese. I just read Viktor fics (jayvik to be more specific because season two is ouchy) and listen to the same song on loop for hours (the song is Fantastic - Cait and Vis song) just wishing I had someone to care for me like what I am reading. I read one where Jayce makes Viktor his favorite soup and brings it to him and that's exactly what i wish I had right now. I love living vicariously through the fics but god would it be nice to have this stuff irl. Anyways, my legs feel like they are being pulled apart, one muscle/tendon/bone at a time, so I am going to keep reading fics until I have to hobble to a friendsgiving. If y'all have any fic recs please let me know.
#viktor arcane#jayvik#jayce talis#ao3#fanfic#arcane fanfic#jayvik fanfic#arcane act three#arcane act 2#arcane act one#disabled problems#disabled#disability#hypermobile ehlers danlos#chronic pain#flare up#disability representation#arcane#my body hates me
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HOLA! ❤️ First of all, dropping some kudos because I love you and your art so much (basically my blog can be your side blog too at this point!) ❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️
Second, from the character ask, I'd like to know about 3,4 and 20 for both Eloise and Leo 😁
Hope you have a wonderful day/night!
HOLA MI ITALIANA FAVORITA💓 I APOLOGIZE IN ADVANCE FOR ALL OF THE YAPPING I'M ABOUT TO DO🤭 will this get you to finally visit me🥺
I'm going to answer these for Eloise SINCE I already did 3 for Leo & I have someone asking me about 4 for Leo as well🥺💓
3) What was the first thing you decided on, the character's name, appearance, personality or their role in the story?
This is a tricky answer…just bc my evil gremlin mc in the game has NOTHING to do with Eloise in my writing. I guess I would say her name? I was just thinking of what would be the most British sounding name I could think of when I started playing in December🙂↕️
But then my imagination took hold of me…I started thinking about Eloise’s backstory…and when I thought of how all of her family dynamics/how she grew up would influence her personality I started to be really dissatisfied with the game and the lack of choice we have while playing. SO I gave up on the game completely after the restricted section quest and started to use my free time to write my fic in January🥹🫶 but her backstory, personality, and role in my story are definitely the most interesting things about her to me!!
Bonus: my first ever drawings of her in January!!! Bad quality bc it’s an insta story screenshot😆💓 (I redid one for my fic🤭)
4) And reverse, which one of the four things did you struggle with the most?
Hmmmmm😭😭 I think her personality is what I struggled with the most and continue to struggle with as I write!!!! I always want her to feel like a *real* person with flaws, but ALSO convey to the reader why they should love her as much as I do. I think I’m successful bc I get comments/messages a lot from people telling me how much she resonates with them (and she’s some people’s favorite???😳💘) but I STILL CANT HELP BUT FEEL INSECURE ABOUT IT !!! It’s so hard sometimes keeping in mind how she is and how she thinks, and I never want her to be wishy-washy or doing things out of character for her. It’s a fun challenge but a challenge😭💓 (also her appearance changes like crazy in my art but whatever I’m learning😆)
20) bonus: share any additional thoughts, art, favorite scenes, anything you’ve been waiting for a chance to ramble about.
DES YOU REALLY WANTED ME TO YAP WHEN YOU SENT THIS MESSAGE😆😆😆😆😆
I really, REALLY want to yap about the foreshadowing and scenes I’m working towards in my fic BUT IVE ONLY TALKED TO LIKE ONE OR TWO PEOPLR ABOUT MY PLANS ( @choccy-milky & @kay9leo 🤭🤭) AND I DONT WANT TO SPOIL ANYTHING EVEN THOUGH I DONT HAVE MANY READERS😆😆😆😆😆😆😆 maybe in the future…
This is me redrawing the chess scene from my fic bc I’m really dissatisfied with how Seb looks in the original (he’s probably my LEAST FAVORITE TO DRAW BC IT’S IMPOSSIBLE !!!!!!!)
And ummmm….hmmm Eloise is DEFINITELY not a self-insert character to me, but I DID give her aspects of myself. Things like…we have the same birthday (January 31) and eye color (dark green), and I tend to overthink a lot and can be in my own head maybe too much, but I’m ALSO a lot more assertive and gremlin than she is😆😆😆😆 I love the fact that she’s so soft and sweet💓💓💓 & I just want to wrap her up in a big hug and never let go of her🥺🤲
(Imelda is my self-insert tbh…and this moment in my fic was ME😤:
At the sight of Imelda's worried face her throat contracted - Eloise found she couldn't speak - and she burst into tears again. They were rolling, hot and salty, down her cheeks and she hid her crumpled face back into the crooks of her arms. Imelda immediately wrapped her arms around Eloise, and she melted into her friend's embrace. Hands gently stroking her hair as she cried and cried and cried, murmurs whispered in soft Spanish to the top of her head.
She was overwhelmed, desolate, lonely.
I feel really bad for Eloise at this point in her story, but I also find it really interesting to keep poking her to see when she finally snaps and decides that she NEEDS to stand up for herself and what she wants. She hasn’t quite realized that she’s the only one who’s ultimately in charge of her life & I’m really really enjoying watching her become the person she’s meant to be🥹🫶🥹🫶
#omg it’s embarrassing to talk so much😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭#but you wanted it…🤭#posting without proofreading😌😌😌😌😌😌😌😌😌😌#anyways ummmm I still have a LOT of asks to get through😆😆😆😆😆#slowly but surely!!!!!!!!#hogwarts legacy#hogwarts legacy fanart#hphl#hogwarts legacy mc#hogwarts legacy oc#eloise babbit
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Happy Pride!! Have a header (credit is appreciated if used)
#i love it so much i cant keep it just for myself#everymanhybrid#emh habit#emh#everyman hybrid#habit emh#habit everymanhybrid#pride month#header
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sry i have chronic only draws megumi disorder the doctor said it's terminal :/
#my art#jujutsu kaisen#jjk#fushiguro megumi#megumi fushiguro#fanart#jjk fanart#megumi#me: 'i like yuuji and megumi Equally :)' also me:#i cant help it hes so fun to draW hes so easy to draw i love you i love you i love youuuuuu#also this is kiiind of me making good on that poll i did forever ago saying id draw catboys . so as promised here is A Catboy :3#hes sooooo meowmeow hes so gd CUTE god i love . fushiguro mEGUMI#to b fair i Do like yuuji and megu equally ffgsdjfdjh#sometimes u just gotta spend the whole entire day fully rendering what was supposed to be a megu sketch sheet#but now it is . just a char sheet by talos this cant keep happening#this all started bc i still want to practice/tweak the way i draw faces but it would appear i cannot control myself#also been loving drawing the cat megumi plush gddff fushiguro mewgumi is my favourite animal crossing villager#anyway so much for working on speed this was a fun 10 hours#its ok . i do it fr him <3 geto voice i dont mind being killed by you
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And I just have to tell you that I
Love you so much these days,
#homestuck#dirk strider#bgd#brain ghost dirk#jake english#dirkjake#hs2#homestuck^2#homestuck 2#hsbc#homestuck beyond canon#homestuck epilogues#candy epilogue#admin draws#fanart#i cant even pretend im normal about my own art or this song im sorry#im tryna think of something to say abour this and i keep thinking about the lyrics and i GRGRHHHHFHFJG#i dunno man. i love plastic beach. i cant say anything here that is not gallbladder-achingly cheesy#but just. i dont know.#jake keeping a little bit of dirk in his heart all those years. even if bgd is 'all' jake hes still in the memory he carries#when i listen i find myself stuck between which singer/verse should be jake and which should be dirk. but the answer is simple#theyre both both.#jake thinks hes the one singing abour getting abandoned. but really hes the one losing himself in the substance#and dirk. dirk is the one watching him lose himself. but since hes just a part of jake. yeah.#'i have to tell you that i love you so much these days' both as something jake is saying to dirk and what jake wishes dirk was there to say#hes so alone in that reality. even if he might not admit and go so far as to imagine dirk saying it. its something that deep down#he aches to hear. the man who has deemed himself unlovable and incapable of love. he still wants to hear it despite himself#he still wants to say it despite nnot being able to bring himself to even process that emotion#sigh. see what happens. i cant talk aboht it bc a single line turns intoTHIS
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Call me crazy for reading so much into a show like House MD but I think the main theme of House is that despite doing everything perfectly and being a good person, shit happens.
Sickness and pain will be inflicted on you and your loved ones and there's nothing you can do about it, but to persevere, to fight for your life, to keep living despite it all - to love is a part of the human condition; our capability of love is what makes life worth living, despite all the pain that you will inevitably experience.
This show exemplifies the pain of living and the needs and desires of human beings to keep going despite it all
And idk... There's something beautiful about how a show with so many stupid whimsical dumb scenes can impart something so profound in my stupid little brain
#im crying btw#ugly crying thinking about how much i love this show#shit happens and its normal and itll be okay#heph is being sappy again#this show giving house 1000 bad omens and giving him happiness only to rip it away and im just sitting here#house md#malpractice md#hatecrimes md#it is of course not the only theme of this show#but its the main one#theres also everybody lies#and theres also YOU CANT! ALWAYS GET! WHAT YOU WA AAAANT#anyways the yaoi is great but i love the interpersonal relationships between the doctors in my doctor drama show the most#its easy to obsess over hilson but like#its not just about hilson for me#heph.txt#btw im still on s4e13#im scared of the season finale everyone keeps telling me to brace myself#also even from the start this show is very much about pain (house and his physical pain and also his emotional scarring#and every season and episode we watch him cope with his pains with drugs and destroy himself and it hurts so much :[#houseypie
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just finished malevolent relisten. needless to say the obsession has been rekindled tenfold its previous magnitude
#im so fucking isnane about this podcast#ok notable reactions:#john.. Oh my god. It’s so insane to go back and hear how much he’s changed in the way he talks and reasons and treats arthur#i love you john doe malevolent#fav trans allegory ever!!!!!#definitely relate to him a normal amount (liar voice)#and then. S2. I really need to make that animatic with lonesome dreams#godddd i forgot how painful the ep18 divorce was#and then!!!! the canna mentions helping noel escape!!! completely forgot about that part#s3. oh my god. absolute fav season. soooo many crazy moments.#like coda??? “You want him back.” “I want him safe.” You want him baaack.” “I want him back”#KAYNE I FUCKING HATE THAT RAT BASTARD.NEED TO BASH HIS HEAD IN WITH A ROCK BUT HES A FREAK AND HED ENJOY IT SO I CANT#piece od shit#and then 23/24??????? arthur’s happy cry-laugh???? dead#part 25. “I killed myself. For a voice in my head. Do you know how mad that sounds?” what if IIII killed myself#26. god. Then 27. And 28. Literally my fav season ever#followed closely by s4#ohhhh my god i forgot how hot the butcher is like genuinely#i completely forgot prelude somehow???? giggling kicking my feet twirling my hair the whole time#i need to be this homicidal gay irishman hes so hot oh my god#the 29 divorce. with the movie lmaoo#i need to draw them going on a night out and seeing a movie and getting dinner and drinks and dancing and (gets shot)#gooddddd i remember listening to 31 for the first time and being so fucking confused#PART 33. HIT ME RIGHT IN THE EMOTIONS. OH MY GOD. BELLA SALTZMAN I COULD’VE TREATED YOU SO MUCH BETTER#34….. i can’t speak about 34 without barking and howling like a rabid dog#dog. Is that a butcher refere(gets shot for the third time)#NOELLLLLL MY DARLING WIFE I LOVE HIM SO MUCH#this has just inspired me to keep writing hofth with ella tbh#lowkey don’t even get the obsession with oscar tho i can’t be talking#to each their own or whatever
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i have played hollow knight for approximately 80 hours in the past 11 days
(alternate version with autism creature eyes/face as requested by my friend below cut)
#this was GENUINELY my best fucking attempt at little ghost i redrew their head Several fucking times and also the entire them once#i love them so much but i cannot give them what they deserve#decided to not even try drawing the hollow knight. they have Too Many Joints#but if i did their caption wouldve been something like ''third more fucked up sibling''#would they be the eldest sibling? probably right? i could make an eldest sibling trauma joke too#the abysmal size difference here is Hysterical to me btw. it was Not on purpose i just cant proportion but its hilarious im keeping it#z talks#hollow knight#i did draw the autism creature face myself#no copy pasting here#also hornets legs are just lines bc i tried to make them more like in game but i coulnt make it work . so
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i fear my isagi hating tendencies will eventually lead to my death but i really do not like this boy 😭😭
#something about the way he acts angers me in ways i cant explain#its not even my fault he’s doing it on purpose#im loving the neo-egoist arc sooooooo much but everytime isagi is crashing out on the field im just like …. eughhh#:////#sorry isagi mutuals i adore you all#usually i would keep the haterism to myself but the way he’s acting in this chapter has me so . pdjdldbdn#he’s my annoying little brother and i need to pummel him into the ground#ari noises ✩#tw isagi hate
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"Not I," I said, "I love you."
Yet when blood was on your face I knew you not.
"Would you follow me, my child? Even in the dark?"
But when the light blew dim I fled.
You told me of the future, and of a joy to come
You loved me and you taught me
"I know your heart, my child."
When you were weak and weary where was I to comfort?
When you cried out for the Father I hid my face.
I saw you. I saw your eyes and anguish.
O how it pierced me. How could I abandon you?
"Not I," I said, "I love you." But how could it be true?
I turned and left my lover.
Weak and twisted is the heart that claimed to live for you
How can it be, how can I live? I wish to love you.
Yet it is a dead heart that saw your face among the crowd.
A light flew across the distance. On the wings of your suffering.
O how it pierced me. My eyes have opened.
I don't deserve to be here, to sing and see the dawn
Lord let me live and love you
How I was meant to all along
#poetry#poem#poems on tumblr#poemblr#easter poem#salt and light#easter thoughts#text#writing#my writing#mini ramble hold on#growing up i heard the concept 'if youd been there youd be in the crowd cursing him and spitting on him' kinda deal often#and not that i think its Wrong exactly. or that it cant be good for meditation. but i don't know if it worked for me#it just really confused me like. but....i know jesus why would i suddenly go Evil...what about the people who knew him...they weren't#what about mary who was crying while everyone else cursed him?#as i got older i realized that i felt myself much more it Peter's place. being one who knew jesus. who loved him. who said you'd follow him#and yet... keeps messing up. so these are just my thoughts on that
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It's missing my father hours rn so imma just dump a bunch of pictures here and cry
( sorry i don't know the source of anything I just had them on my phone)
(also dont read the tags i just need to let it out lol)
#I just realized I can call him dad easier than my real dad and now I understand why am I so damn attached to him#I always knew he was a parental figure for me#but now I connected the dots#How when u have an absent dad and a d34d mom a guy shows up in ur life#that tells u life advice that both of ur parents failed to do so#and makes u feel safe the first time in ur life#ofc ud become attached#i know for sure its unhealthy how much i love and miss him#he occupies most of my thoughts honestly#But how could i not cling to him so much when he was the only one who gave me hope in life#i try to keep going and even tho he is not here i keep telling myself whatever he taught me. i keep reminding myself he wants us to live an#bloom and be free#and that's what ill try to do#but you know somedays i wish i could just disappear and be wrapped in eternal happiness#its so fucking hard to pull yourself out of the slump man im so fucking tired im so so tired#somedays i wish id have the courage to off myself but i know that deep down i want to live and ive always wanted to live but i have no idea#how to live. i feel like i finally found a purpose and someone i love. but at the same time im always doubting myself and im scared of losi#g this little hope again and i know i should cherish and use it instead but each day i have this anxiety because rn i have nothing else if#lose this i seriously will lose everything atp. but ill still try bc rn its this or death so i should try im just damn tired yes anyways#sorry for being depressing some days just dont work out but thats okay#yes at the same time i want to get out of my head and try to find some friends but i cant deny that im highkey fucked up and i just cant le#go of my past and i still feel like that helpless unloved kid and idk how to form relationships this way. i dont trust myself at all so idk#how to trust others. and i feel like in order to find ppl that would love me i have to overshare abt my whole lifestory bc it still dictate#my life heavily. and since i met this band its better cuz im learning to deal w it and i want to heal from everything but yes at the same t#me who would wqnt to be friends w. someone that has like a year of life experience and 18 years of depression lol#so yes its complicated. bc i have friends but im like the funny friend. the one that is as shallow as puddle and has no problems but honest#y im genuinely sufferint qnd have been sufferinz all my life so i want to come out of my funny friend role. but that wojld mean i have to t#ll the shit i went through to all my friends but tbh it would be so random so ye. i do have a plan though. how it could work. But yes im ti#ed have been tired for 7 years now. But this time around i hope i can successfully get out of this torture cycle lol.#ok sorry this is what happens after puberty guys i could beva research case for a damn mental institute atp xdd
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When you first see Sakusa, it’s at a regular coffee shop.
He stands tall, intimidatingly towering over other people as he reads the menu with a disgruntled expression. You take notice of him while you wait for your usual drink, and you can tell you’re going to think about the attractive stranger at your favorite coffee shop for weeks.
His mask conceals most of his face, but his eyes catch your attention. The striking pools of onyx scan the menu rapidly as he seems to lose patience, his frown growing more by the second.
You don’t stare at him for longer than five minutes, knowing that you wouldn’t be able to overcome the embarrassment of being caught. But the outline of his figure burns in your mind as you turn to follow the worker who’s making your drink, a Mari who you’ve befriended during the frequent visits to this shop.
You think about whether he’s just having a bad day or if he’s always like this, whether he’s going to order from here or not, whether he’s ordering for just himself or others as well— friends or a girlfriend. Or someone he just likes, no tags.
You don’t hear the sound of someone approaching you over the sound of your own thoughts; in fact, you don’t even notice his presence over your shoulder until he clears his throat.
Turning to face him, you feel caught. Your cheeks warm in embarrassment, as if he could hear all the obsessive thoughts you were having about him. He stares at you blankly, and you realize his eyes are not only nicer up close, but also sharper. Being close to him also allows you to take notice of his other features— like his moles, the curve of his eyebrows, his cupid’s bow.
He leans down to your level, still keeping a safe distance like you’re carrying an infectious disease. Must be a germaphobe, you think. Getting the hint, you turn your ear to him.
“Do they add nuts to every drink on the menu?”
His voice is pleasantly deep and the whisper-tone makes him insanely attractive to you, but he asks the question with such genuine distress that you have to suppress a giggle. You turn your head back slightly to face him with a smile.
“Yeah, they’re big on the nuts thing. If you’re not a fan, you can ask them to not add nuts to your order, that’s what I do.”
He nods, still seemingly unsure, and you reflexively continue talking.
“But the coffee is really good, trust me, it makes up for the nut craze.” He stares at you with a blank expression, “trust you?”
You pale slightly, feeling like you’ve overstepped with the friendliness. But thankfully, Mari comes up to the counter, chiming in with your drink. “Here’s your usual,” she chirps as she hands you the straw.
You smile thankfully at her and she gives you a questioning look as her eyes shift between you and the tall stranger. She smiles slyly at you and you ignore her as you grab your cup.
“Well, uh, it’s up to you really.” You turn to him one more time, “You’d be the one missing out after all.”
And then you’re out the door as fast as you can. When Mari calls you that night, she’s disappointed to say the least, but she provides you with crucial information: he ended up asking for whatever you had.
The second time you see him, it’s on the court.
You learn that the guy you crushed on in a coffee shop is actually the outside hitter for MSBY Black Jackals, Sakusa Kiyoomi. Mari, who sits next to you during the game, nearly screams when she recognizes him.
She jokes about how you could’ve asked for his autograph or became a micro celebrity by dating him if you had a single romantic bone in your body; you tell her you have plenty of romantic bones in your body but he was just too intimidating.
The teasing goes on throughout the game as you both continue to be completely oblivious to the volleyball game around you. The tickets to this game weren’t cheap, and if Mari didn’t beg you to accompany her because her cousin plays for one of the teams and bought her tickets, you would’ve never found yourself seated at the front row of a volleyball game.
Granted, it’s one of the least violent sports and it’s entertaining to watch for a while. But you just couldn’t be any less interested in adult men throwing a ball around.
This game, however, seems to be much more interesting to you. Whether that’s because Sakusa is unreasonably gorgeous on court, or because Mari makes really entertaining comments on the game, you couldn’t really be sure. But watching Sakusa play was a life altering experience, you’d think about him in those shorts for months to come.
Your eyes follow him the whole time; you take notice of all his physical assets and find yourself giggling like a schoolgirl with Mari about all the athletes’ physical builds by the end of the game. She teases you about having a favorite and you can’t find anything to say in denial.
When the game ends, you’re almost disappointed that you can’t watch Sakusa in action anymore.
Later, when you’re standing outside the huge stadium as Mari talks to her cousin, you spot Sakusa’s team celebrating their win, circulating around him like a tornado. He stands in the middle of the chaos rigidly, and his ability to not crack a single smile around such cheery people astonishes you. You smile to yourself at the thought of how practice goes for the team if this is how it was when they won.
While MSBY’s blond setter (you were too focused on Sakusa during the game to catch anybody else's name) is aggressively throwing an arm around him, speaking loudly over the others, his eyes fleetingly meet yours. Your throat constricts at the brief eye contact and you reflexively stand up straight. When his teammate has moved on from annoying him, he looks back at you, and this time, the stare lingers.
He’s so intimidating and yet so breathtaking to you— standing in the middle of his friends, he seems to stick out like a sore thumb. You wonder if there’s any emotion behind his stare, if he’s judging you or if he thinks that you’re hideous and that you coming to his game is an insult— or if he finds you pretty and intriguing the way you do him.
You wonder about his dating history and his type of woman.
Before you’re too far gone in the land of delusion, Mari is back with a wide grin and mischief written all over her face.
“You should really talk to mr.loverboy at one point. I’d like to attend a wedding once in my life.”
You laugh at her as you both walk to your car. Turns out both of you are already too far gone in the land of delusion.
The third time you see him, you’re not doing too well.
The walls of Onigiri Miya are terribly familiar to you because you find yourself in the same spot every few weeks. In your mid-twenties, you’ve discovered that one of the few things that lighten the burden of existence is food— good food, something that the gracious Osamu Miya always offers at his shop.
While the world constricts around you, the place offers you the kind of comfort that only a warm meal could. Your stomach is full even if your heart feels empty, and that makes you feel a bit better.
Your monthly breakdowns at the onigiri restaurant aren’t new to you.
What you didn’t plan for, however, is the unfamiliar voice that calls your name.
You push your head off the table with a grunt to look at the caller and you’re, once more, facing the beautiful stranger that you stumbled across in a coffee shop— Sakusa Kiyoomi.
His eyes widen slightly at your face and you suddenly feel self-conscious, you don’t particularly look your best on a night like this. Out of all the times to actually meet him. The surprise on your face must have offended him because his expression reverts to his usual frown.
He stands rigidly with his hands in the pockets of his coat. His mask is pulled down for a change and you finally see the rest of his face at a closer distance; if you weren’t in emotional shambles, you’d be much more thrilled right now.
His frown is heavy as he looks at you, almost like frowning helps him think.
But before either of you have the time to think, the blond setter from the game you went to barges in on your moment and casually swings an arm around Sakusa’s shoulder. Sakusa shoots him a deathly glare but he doesn’t waver. Must be pretty good friends, you think.
“Hey omi-kun, who’s your little friend?” he asks, eyeing you with growing interest, a crooked grin on his face.
“She’s not my friend miya, get your arm off my shoulder.” Sakusa grumbles as he attempts to shake the blond’s arm off, but it stays planted on his shoulder firmly as they begin to bicker like an old married couple. Yeah, definitely good friends, you smile to yourself despite the gloomy cloud hanging over your head.
You realize that the guy Sakusa not-so-affectionately called Miya looked similar to Osamu, and you vaguely remember Osamu mentioning a brother before— a twin to be exact. The puzzle pieces come together and you’re amazed at the way fate connects people. The restaurant you visit frequently is owned by the twin brother of Sakusa’s teammate.
How many times did you come close to meeting?
Osamu comes out of the kitchen and the bickering evolves into sibling arguments as you zone out in the corner. The familial scene with Sakusa in the middle makes you bite back a smile, who thought that something so silly could be so entertaining? And entertaining enough to distract you from the things weighing you down.
The blond twin suddenly turns to you and you instinctively flinch, realizing you’re about to become part of the conversation unwillingly.
“Are we annoying you, doll?” he asks.
You hesitantly shake your head and the blond jumps to grab a paper bag out of Osamu’s hands, “See?” Osamu gives him a blank look, “you literally pressured her.”
“Did not. Now come on Omi-kun, we’ve got places to be. Everyone must be starving.” You turn to look at Sakusa (Omi-kun, as you know him now), only just realizing that he’s standing closer to you than before.
He gives the blond a stare that you’re oblivious to, and they share a moment of silent communication. Osamu looks between them and momentarily at you, seeming to understand something you don’t.
The blond twin, whose name you still haven’t discovered , slowly smirks at you with recognition. “Oh yes, I’ll go ahead. Don’t take too long now Omi.”
Then he’s out of the door, and Osamu retires to the kitchen with a knowing smile. You wonder what secret they were sharing in front of you.
Now that it’s just you and Sakusa in a nearly empty restaurant so late at night, the realness of the situation hits you like a cold gust of wind. You slowly turn your face towards him only to find him already looking at you.
Unsurely, you smile politely at him. He doesn’t return it, but he doesn’t seem like the kind to anyways. Instead, he drags the chair across from you back and plops down in front of you. The fact that you’re sitting across from the mysterious attractive guy you saw in that coffee shop is surreal.
His face finally relaxes and you notice how much prettier he looks when he’s not frowning. In this state, you don’t find it in yourself to look away from him. The dim lights of the shop illuminate his face and he’s almost god-like with his pushy brows and sharp eyes.
He seems okay with the attention you’re giving him, and you’re not sure if it’s the midnight paranoia but you swear his cheeks go pink at one point.
You’re too engrossed in admiring his physical features to notice how he hesitates to talk.
“You’re.. are.. are you okay?” His question brings you out of your lavender haze and you don’t process the question at first.
“Am I okay?” you retort in confusion.
He nods reluctantly.
Your hand comes up to cup your cheek when you realize that they’re wet, and suddenly you realize what he’s asking about. Your cheeks grow hot in embarrassment.
“Oh yeah yeah, I’m fine. Or I will be.” That explains why he was surprised when you lifted your head.
He observes you with interest and it’s your turn to feel embarrassed at the attention.
The intimacy of the scene isn’t lost on you. You sit like old lovers who never fell out of love, admiring each other in a public place that feels like it only contains the two of you. You sit together like you’ve known each other for years. You want to salvage the intimacy of the moment but a burning question comes to the front of your mind.
“How’d you know my name?”
He blinks at you, seemingly confused by the question.
“When you got here, you called out to me.” You continue unsurely. “We’ve never spoken before, how do you know my name?”
He blinks at you again as the gears in his head turn. When he realizes that he did in fact call out your name despite never asking you about it, the tips of his ears turn red. You observe the changes in his face with a slowly growing smile; you’ve noticed something he hoped you wouldn’t.
“It was on the cup. Caught it when you were leaving.”
The cup. The cup of coffee you ordered at the coffee shop you first met at. When you ran away from him. You raise your eyebrows in amusement, how did he manage to catch that? Moreover, how did he manage to remember it for weeks when you’d barely talked.
The thought of Sakusa having an interest in you since the first meeting makes you feel like a teenager getting asked out for the first time.
You look at him across the table, observing his face and everything you’ve grown to like about it. Suddenly, you think about meeting him like this more often, about getting to see him much closer than this, about being the kind of woman he’d date, and about tracing his lips with something other than your eyes.
When you notice his eyes traveling across your face, you wonder if he possesses any similar thoughts, any burning urges to reach across and touch you and set off the reaction that's been brewing for weeks.
It's so close you can almost taste it.
You lock eyes and you slowly realize that neither of you are ready to jump straight into anything. He's as hesitant as you are, maybe even more. But, if you've got to start somewhere, you know exactly where to take him.
“Sakusa," you start, already smiling, “would you like to get coffee with me sometime?"
#sakusa you are so HARD to write for#but youre so bewitching i just cant resists#now listen. i didnt edit this as much as id like to because i could feel myself slowly giving up on it#i needed it out before it was scraped for good#before it just made me give up on being a writer#so im posting it in its not so final form with the hope of coming back to edit it at one point#i still loved the idea enough to keep writing it#i mean...#word count : 2.5k#inspired by all the artists who draw sakusa like he's the definition of beauty#haikyuu sakusa#sakusa kiyoomi#sakusa x reader#sakusa fluff#sakusa scenarios#haikyuu x reader#haikyuu!!
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I've been playing World of Horror a lot lately
#indie games#indie game fanart#fanart#anime art#video games#world of horror#junji ito#horror#horror art#tw blood#cw blood#art illustration#i am running out of tags to add#you know what would be funny#if i were to defeat the manifestation of my deepest traumas with ithottu flame spam#i love playing as miyuki so much#i like the idea of defeating lovecraftian gods with loyal simps#id be such a simp for kana arima#thats is entirely unrelated#i wish world of horror was as popular as fear and hunger#my brother keeps suggesting I draw FaH fanart but uhh i just cant get myself into the game as much#i do think the lore is hella interesting#the idea of moonscorching is as interesting as Mimi's little experiments
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so hey guys i finished dungeon meshi yesterday and i'm still thinking about it
#ria.txt#i spoiled myself so at first i was like 'this is bonkers wtf are they doing in those last few chapters?????'#but then it was like. yeah. i see#love those ch when it's just clearly putting the squad into Situations#also. izutsumi#what i really liked was how tightly the protagonist and the deuteragonist were wound up in the overall themes#the plot the themes the conflict the characters it was very neatly connected#hence i am also now accidentally invested in whatever going on between laios and marcille#not just platonic not romantic not enemies i just think they work well tgt and deeply care for each other its great watching them develop#it's the leader + most trusted advisor / anxious girlfailure + the annoying freak she's somehow attached to vibes#haha that rabbit chapter with marcille. hahha i was like what the fuck man. it was funny and then boom whump [tears streaming down my face]#those shapeshifter chs were sooo much fun esp seeing other chara's perceptions of each other. stealing that#the changeling ones were great too elf senshi is the fucking funniest he looks sooooooo unserious#marcille's evolving perception with death starting with saving falin and saving the squad and her nightmares of outliving everyone-#-and her dad and her 'temper tantrum' and UGH when at the end she said she was fine with falin not coming back.... WAAA. OUGH.#i think dunmeshi handled the trope of 'prophecy of chosen one becoming king' pretty well and it makes sense why laios is the protag#the worldbuilding is so thoughtful as well i liked seeing different characters with different worldviews interact#very solid and well rounded series wooo#the main 4 has such a fun dynamic together#anyways. dunmeshi au.....#more like borrowing the worldbuilding bc charas are too nuanced for a one to one comparison#ren is like some prince of his own species but he's like 34th in line and no one cares about him so he fucks off to eat monsters#which is why he's both snobbish AND a total freak when it comes to his food taste#false is originally in for the money from ren and plans to scam him but unfortunately the cringefail swag captures her#martyn is Obnoxiously Clueless and thinks he's smart but he's not. he's resourceful but also pathetic and crazy#stress cant cook but she thinks she does so everyone goes (≖_≖ ) when she picks up a pot. they delegate her to killing and chopping duty#the mvp is iskall who keeps on saving everyone's asses and somehow has resources for everyone#i think ren is actually aware false is going to scam him but he has too much money to spend anyway and he thinks shes cool so he lets her??#and somehow she doesnt take the money and run. and goes back to eating monsters w/ the party. everyone is crazy
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The funniest thing about the Sohm Al dungeon is that when I did it for the first time I did it with the NPC party- Ysayle, Alphinaud, and Estinien. It was all going swell but I, a dragoon main, CONSTANTLY found myself trying to outdo Estinien??
like GIRL calm down he's just an NPC 😭 what's he gonna do, gloat about how he's going to kill all the dragons and pull out all the stops and use all the limit breaks?
...
HE FUCKING USES THE LIMIT BREAKS
THE LITTLE SHIT
AS SOON AS WE FILL ALL THE BARS HE JUST SAYS SHIT LIKE "TASTE MY LANCE" AND WHIPS OUT THE LIMIT BREAK AND I'M THROWING MYSELF HEADFIRST INTO THE GROUND SCREAMING BECAUSE YOU BASTARD I WAS GOING TO USE THAT ON THE FINAL BOSS
#no i did not actually die to the final boss im just being melodramatic#anyway temporary friendship with estinien is OVER#i cant believe i have to go through the Estinien Unbearable Varlineau arc before i get babygirl estinien#this motherfucker..... so fucking flashy all the time.... bitch i have more moves than you........#it's only because of the level sync that sets me down a few skill levels otherwise i would be decimating this entire dungeon by myself#WITHOUT MR STINKY DRAGOON FUCKING IT UP !!!!!!!!!!!!#save me ysayle..... save me..... ysayle save me#but other than that i am genuinely having so much fun in heavensward. i love the little group we've made#ysayle and estinien at each other's throats <3 alphinaud trying to keep them from killing each other <33 wol just standing around#estinien varlineau#estinien wyrmblood#ffxiv#ffxiv wol#ff14#ff14 art#hyur midlander#hyur#elezen#artoftheagni#agnigames
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#good grief im gettin a lil tired of seeing 'DONT DO THIS' kinda art videos#i very much understand its a youtube thing and that clickbait names and thumbs get the views and attention needed#but it doesnt mean it doesnt annoy me or that I cant be annoyed by it#sometimes i just see it in tutorial pictures too#but the large DONTS with red Xs near the supposed ''wrong'' way of drawing is so demotivating#people start and draw in many ways than one#its what makes art their own#but when videos or tutorial posts are made and show the ''WRONG'' way to go about it#its like scolding the new artist or long time artist with that style that they're doing it wrong and that its bad#no matter the intention its not the way to go about helping artists learn to draw#and in my personal opinion#the click bait ''DONT DO THIS WHEN DRAWING'' thing is what keeps me from actually watching the vids#i get theyre probably helpful but i don't like that I have to feel some NEED or DESIRE to click on a vid cause I feel like I did a thing#wrong or that i never should have done it at all#i wish i could see more 'here are some tips that helped me#kinda vids cause yes i would love to learn what helped you rather than being or feeling wronged for drawing in a way that isn't theirs#im rambling but i have been seeing a lot of 'DONT DO THIS' NEVER DO THIS' 'IF YOURE DOING THIS STOP NOW' kinda art vids#im speakin for myself here#but im an artist sifting through art youtube or spaces always willing to learn new ways of improving my art#i dont need to feel click baited like the next 3am don't this kid to learn how to improve my inking skills#if it was more a 'this is my personal preference and I wanna share it with my audience and maybe teach some things' kinda vid#id watch that too#but im just so tired of seeing art youtube going down this need to tell folks 'YOURE DOING IT ALL WRONG. THIS IS THE RIGHT WAY"
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