#i love horsey sauce

[housecow]

i need an excuse to go drive off and get fast food 😭😭

[naritaren]

Whichever person at Arbys put 6 packs of horsey sauce *and* 6 packs of Arby sauce in my bag is a hero. I hope both sides of the pillow are cool and you never hit a red light again

[shitpostroundhouse]

1:40 am December 16, 2022

[xiaoluclair]

for the folk who think OPs thinking this w/o a shred of self-awareness, i just want to add that they did start by acknowledging it:

and making it clear it was preference for something they understand is made up anyway (see: "prefer to live in my delusional lestappen bubble"). full picture etc etc.

edit (from a tag that was added on a reblog):

^ agreed! the only reason OP shared it on main was bc they were asked directly about why they don't like lando via anon ask. otherwise they never mention anything of him usually or talk bad about any driver on their blog much at all actually.

some lando fans on here are genuinely so fucking pathetic when it comes to max and lando’s friendship grow up lmao

[theehorsepusssy]

I do love me some Horsey Sauce

[lovelytsunoda]

under the mistletoe // alexander albon

summary: alex has the perfect answer to his girlfriend's seasonal sadness: keeping things festive and decorating the entire house, with a little bit of help from the cats, of course!

pairing: alex albon x female reader ( grumpy x sunshine! )

warnings: *sparkles* seasonal depression *sparkles*, alex being the bestest boyfriend in the world, cats trying to play with christmas ornaments, bad mariah carey-oke, alex thinking he's doing a proper striptease but really he's just making a fool out of himself but he manages to be sexy anyways :), daddy used in a non-sexual content (because alex is being a cat dad)

author's note: seasonal affective disorder is a bitch. why must i be unreasonably sad when it gets cold outside, huh? anyways, i think my mood would greatly improve if i had an alex albon, and that is all for today.

the bed was empty when she woke up, alex's side of the sheets still warm as she rolled over, burrowing further under the festive throw blanket that alexander had gotten down from the closet the previous afternoon. she dreaded leaving her bed, for reasons that she couldn't explain.

she didn't even want to look out the window, knowing that all she would see was the sad, bleak excuse of a british winter. if she was lucky, it would be dry outside. if she wasn't, it would either be damp as hell, or the saddest snowfall she had ever seen.

she could hear alex moving around downstairs, and she could smell breakfast wafting up from the kitchen. still unable to bring herself to leave the warmth of her bed, she curled up in the remnants of her lover's body heat, cocooning herself in the festive blankets as she tried to have a few more moments of peace.

there was s oft knock at the bedroom door, followed by the telltale added weight of a cat plodding across the bed before horsey nuzzled in to her chest, alex following closely behind with a mug of hot chocolate piled high with whipped cream and chocolate sauce.

"what's this for?" y/n asked, trying to sit up without disturbing the cat that seemed determined to make a home on her boobs.

alex sat down next to her on the bed, kissing her softly before he passed her the mug. "i know how you get when it gets cold, love. you've seemed. . .off, the past few days. i don't like seeing you like this."

she took a sip of the hot chocolate, just the perfect temperature. "thanks for being here, alex." she reached across horsey, who was mewling softly as he stretched his paws, still spread out across y/n's lap, so she could take alex's hand in hers. "sorry for bringing down the holiday spirit."

the williams driver shook his head, reaching to comb his lover's hair behind her ear. "darling, you're not ruining anything."

"i just know that you wanted to start getting all the christmas stuff out, and i'm not exactly in the mood to do that right now."

"that's okay, y/n. really. we don't have to do all of the decorating today, but i thought a little bit of festivity might help cheer you up a little. it worked last year, didn't it?"

she laughed, a small smile forming on her face. "what, you mean watching you and charles sing the justin bieber christmas album at george's holiday party? babes, that would put a smile on anybody's face."

"look at that, you're smiling already!" alex beamed, proud of himself for cheering up the light of his life, even if it was only for a fleeting moment. "breakfast is ready. i'll be downstaris when you're ready. take all the time that you need, love." he got up from the bed, pressing a kiss to her forehead before silently slipping out of the bedroom and gently pulling the door shut behind him.

she stayed in bed for a few minutes longer, cuddling the cat in front of her and finishing off the hot chocolate alex had made her. the first winter that they had spent together, she had been a bitch because of her seasonal depression. alex was a little shocked at first, worried that he had done something wrong when his girlfriend was suddenly quieter, bags appearing under her eyes. and once he found out about her disorder, he had done piles of research into how best for both of them to cope with it together.

when alexander found out that chocolate released happiness hormones, he took it upon himself to make sure that y/n was given at least one hot chocolate with whipped cream and chocolate suace every morning before she went to work (against patrick's better judgement, of course, with the performance coach suggesting that alex's master plan might also have been a way for alex to smartly get around the diet plan that he was on for training reasons).

it was something they were both getting used to, the seasonal sadness hovering over the two of them with each holiday season. but they were learning how to work around it, to work together. at the beginning of the year, around january when the winter was a little harsher than normal, and it was a little darker outside, y/n had impulsively dyed the money piece in her hair deep red, an endeavor that she thought would keep the sunday scaries away for a little longer. a decision that ultimately resulted in alexander also changing his hair to match. they'd walked into the paddock in march with bright smiles and matching hairstyles.

last christmas, y/n found that keeping her attention focused on the holiday spirit had been a welcome respite from her usual seasonal funk. because how can you be sad when buddy the elf is on your tv screen? alex had been an angel, organizing regular holiday movie marathons, sometimes roping in the other divers and their girlfriends.

she's never laughed as hard as she had after watching lando norris' impression of bruce willis' 'die hard' character. not shockingly at all, lando also thinks that 'die hard' is a christmas movie, a fact that y/n wholly disagrees with.

she slowly got out of bed, trying not to disturb horsey. it was a futile task, with the cat jumping off the bed and following her as she made her way to the walk in closet. alex had the closet put in just for her, or so he had always claimed, but his clothes took up a little more of the closet than hers did. one wall was covered with a floor-to-ceiling mirror, polariods of the couple taped to the mirror's reflective surface.

she got dressed, lifting the cat into her arms and scratching him under the chin as she made her way downstairs, where alex was humming along to taylor swift's rendition of 'santa baby', unpacking a box of christmas decorations and trying to stop the two cats by his feet from playing with the balls on the end of the santa hats he was holding.

"these aren't toys, gucci." the brit insisted, pulling the velvet hat over his scalp, the ball at the end resting on his shoulder. the hat was royal blue, a gift from the team when they had filmed their secret santa video back in abu dhabi. "but doesn't daddy look great in it?"

y/n laughed, looking down at the cat in her arms. "i think that your dad should a) stop referring to himself as 'daddy', because it's just weird and neither of us are into that, and b) should stop referring to himself in the third person. again, just weird."

"you're no fun. you hear that, goose? your mother thinks i'm weird?"

they held their straight faces for a minute before they both burst out laughing, horsey pawing at y/n's arm as he begged to join goose and gucci on the floor.

some days, y/n thought that alex took the cat parent thing a little far, especially when he referred to himself as 'daddy', but she understood why. alex wanted a family one day, three little kids running around. but they were both still young, with so much life to live before kids even came into the conversation. right now, the plethora of cats owned by the albon siblings was enough. seriously, who needs twelve cats?

"i'm glad you came to join me." alex said, eyes full of nothing but love as he held his lover close, his warm hands a reassuring presence on her waist. "you're just in time to watch me set up the tree."

"oh sweet jesus." she laughed, resting her forehead against his. "that's a four person job, alex."

alexander knew what he was doing. he knew that he would struggle with the tree, and he knew it would be hilarious, because he could make just about anything in this world amusing.

and his only goal for the day was to make y/n smile.

"sit down and have breakfast, then put your feet up and watch the show." alex insisted, taking her hand and leading her to the table "oh, and i have something for you!"

he came back moments later with another santa hat in his hands, which he tossed at y/n. "come on, try and be a little festive today. for me?"

"you're lucky i think you're hot." she chuckled, shaking her head as she pulled on the hat. "are you absolutely certain that you don't need help with the tree?"

"i'm fine!" alex replied, opening the large box as the song on the radio changed over, a ditzy nineties pop cover of 'christmas wrapping'.

"is this the spice girls?"

"is it?"

"um yeah. you should know, you worked for ginger spice's husband for what, a season and a half?"

alex laughed, beginning to set up the large tree. it was seven feet tall, with lights pre installed. no ornaments were ever hung on the bottom of the tree, because last year the cats had decided to play netball with the jack skellington ornament and almost brought the whole tree down.

"i'm just messing, babe! of course i know it's the spice girls!"

she picked away at the pancakes and powdered sugar with nutella that alex had made, laughing at the driver's attempts to assemble the varying parts of the christmas tree. for every little struggle, or moment where the expanding tree branches hit him in the face, or the moments where it looked like the entire tree was going to come down on him, she offered to help, constantly getting shot down.

she appreciated that alex was attempting to do everything himself out of respect for her boundaries and not wanting to push her if she wasn't in the mood, but alexander albon had a way of cheering her up with the smallest of actions. like trying to put up the christmas tree.

"alex, stop trying to stop me from helping. you're going to trip over one of the cats." y/n laughed, getting up from the kitchen table to rush over and help alex with the top piece of the tree, standing on a chair to help him slide the piece into place.

she connected the wire for the lights together before stepping down and putting and arm around alex's waist, her head on his shoulder.

"the living room looks much better with the tree, doesn't it?"

alex kissed her forehead softly. "feeling better?"

"much. thank you." she turned her head slightly, pressing up on her tiptoes to press a kiss to his soft, warm lips. "have you opened the ornament box yet?"

"i was waiting for you, love. ready to decorate?"

"more than ready."

they got to work, unwrapping ornaments and feeding christmas tree hooks through the loops at the top, starting their decorating spree at least halfway up the tree so that the cat's wouldn't have anything to play with that could wreck the tree. y/n was putting a scale model ornament of alex's 2022 williams car on the tree when a very familiar song began playing, coupled with alex's off-key singing.

"i don't want a lot for christmas, there is just one thing i need."

when she trurned around, she couldn't stop herself from laughing at her boyfriend, who was using the star that adorned the top of the tree as a microphone.

"come on, darling! i know you knoe the words!"

"fat chance, alex. i don't sing, remember?" she laughs as goose and horsey meow in discontent before diving underneath the couch. "and it looks like the cats aren't big fans either."

"you know you love it." alex grinned, reaching for her hand as the chorus began to ring out.

"yeah, yeah i do." she grinned, singing along at a much quieter volume, a bright smile on her face.

alex beamed back. he was always so proud of himself when he made her smile. they were the living embodiment of the grumpy x sunshine trope that y/n adored so much, and he was more than happy to bring the sunshine into her life.

the tree was done, the maine's 'santa stole my girlfriend' playing softly as the duo played rock paper scissors to decide who got to put the star at the top of the tree. y/n won, alex securely clutching her waist as she stood on the kitchen chair to reach the top branches.

"babes, i'm fine." she chuckled, looking at the look of pure concentration that alex had on his face.

"nonsense. i'm supposed to look out for you, you know? alicia and my mother wouldn't be very happy with me if i let you fall off a chair trying to put the star on the tree."

she took a moment to grin before double checking that the star was on securely. "right, love, can you turn the lights on?"

alex flicked the tree lights on as y/n stepped off the chair, the entire room feeling a little more shiny and bright form the rainbow array of lights. the display even enticed all three cats back into the living room.

three cats who were promptly disappointed at the lack of ornaments they could play with.

"merry christmas, baby." alex said softly, kissing his girlfriend in the shadow of the tree. "i love you."

"alex, it is november."

"never too early to be festive!" alex insisted. "go sit on the couch, love. let me do something for you."

"oh god." y/n laughed to herself, making herself comfortable on the couch as one of the cats came to join her, curling into her side in a futile mission for body heat.

when alex came back, the top three buttons on his shirt had been undone, the flashing bluetooth speaker in his hand. he placed the speaker down on the table, music beginning to play as alex started to dance, swaying his hips and shoulders in a way that he thought was seductive.

he had watched hours of magic mike clips on youtube, as well as the sexy santa competition scene in bad moms christmas in preperation for this moment.

and the shitty dancing and gyrating and stripteasing was all worth it when he watched the way her face scunched up when she laughed, or the way that she glowed when she smiled.

"alex, baby, what the hell are you doing?" she managed to say through laughter.

"making my beautiful girlfriend smile." he laughed, taking off the santa hat and throwing it in her direction.

y/n just laughed, reaching to cover gucci's eyes, muttering something about how the poor cat didn't have to watch his dad embarrass himself like that.

"come on, it has to be at least a little bit sexy." alex insisted, extending his hand for y/n to take.

she took his larger hand in her smaller one, laughing as she allowed the driver to pull her off the couch so they could dance together.

a dance that ended with alex carrying her back upstairs over his shoulder in a cloud of giggles and laughter. the pair would not emerge from the bedroom for another hour and a half, time that the cats spent plotting the best way to get to the ornaments on the tree.

Tags: @daydreamingleclerc @magnummagnussen @flannel-cures @sidcrosbyspuck @diorleclerc @libraryofloveletters

[imthefailedartist]

Fish & Chips.

The fish was good, but what I want to brag about is my tartar sauce! It was banging.

Mayo, mustard, onion (minced), pickle (minced), pickle juice (splash), lemon juice, apple cider vinegar (splash), dill weed, chives, pepper, horsey sauce, old bay (dash)

In the beginning, it was tasting like flavored mayo, so I kept adding more of the traditional ingredients, but it wasn't working. So I added a capful of acv. It cut some of the mayo taste but not enough. Horse radish would probably give me the bite that I want, but who keeps that on hand? I was like, wait, don't we have a packet of horsey sauce lying around? We did. It did exactly what I needed it to do. It added a sharpness that helped cut the rich fattiness of the fried fish. I do think I will buy fresh Horseradish next time. And Dijon or whole grain mustard instead of yellow, I bet that would add great flavor.

I wish I would've air fried the fries. It was too much grease for one meal.

Tell me why I forgot to season the fish before the flour dredge. I had to triple up on seasoning the beer batter.

My third time cooking fish. It's gone swimmingly 2 of 3 times. I don't like fish. I mostly did this because my parents love fish (eat it 3 too 4 times a week). I've got leftover batter and an onion. Hmm. . .

[icantbelieveitsnotbankocracy]

Thanks for the tag bby!!!! I too, love to lie!!!!

Last Song: Ya'll Want a Single (Say Fuck That) -Korn

Favorite Color: Indigo or Velvet Black

Sweet/Savory/Spicy: Spicy. I'm just built different ig. Just dangerous like that.

Currently Watching: Jacob Two Two for the nostalgia lmao

Relationship Status: Taken (kill me)

Current Obsession: Meditation (and what about it????? Literally sue me??????) Idk I've been looking in to economy alot recently too and why our society's economy is projected to fail so drastically in the next century. Also Arby's Horsey Sauce and making seasonal lock screen collages.

Nine people i'd like to get to know better:

Tagged by: @bell-of-indecision, thank you so much for tagging me <3

Last Song: Gmfu by Odetari,6arelyhuman

Favourite colour: Dark red, violet, pink

Currently watching: Death note, ep6

Spicy/Savoury/Sweet: Spicy

Relationship status: Single

Current Obsession: Mbti types and cognitive functions.

Tagging: @somin-yin @a-cloud-for-dreams @axepen @hinsaa-paramo-dharma @basic-bitch-alkali @rhysaka @blackknight-100 @squishywizardd @reykalot

[soysaucevictim]

On a whim, while out to pick up some meds... bought a dark chocolate bar with crystallized ginger in it... And. IT’S DELICIOUS.

[trivialbob]

Today goes in the win column.

This morning I got a super duper urgent email from my boss. There was a problem. Could I document why I had made a certain change in a database?

Short answer: No.

Long answer: It happened in 2014. Documentation standards were different then (seems like those standards change a lot). Also, the company doesn’t let us keep email more than three years. So I gave her my best guess why the table was set the way it is. Trust me you guys, it was a very good guess. I didn’t ask why it took seven years for someone to question this.

My boss liked my answers. She punted the matter back to the person who was making an issue of it and told me not to worry about it.

After work I took the dogs to the park. I was delighted to see a Boeing 747 fly over the park. Four-engine jumbo jets are rare sights around here nowadays. From the time I was a young child until my first years working in downtown Minneapolis I loved watching the Northwest Orient/Northwest Airlines and KLM 747s flying over my house or above my office building. This particular plane belongs to UPS. What can Brown do for you?

Last night my check engine light went on. My experience with this is it’s not a huge deal. But it still drives me nuts. One of the auto parts stores in town let customers borrow an OBD reader (for free!) and find out what triggered the warning light. Mid-day today I drove over there.

The guys at the store were really nice, even chatty. When I brought the device back inside an employee plugged it into his computer, then explained the reading. It won’t be a big deal to fix. My truck is still under warranty. “Dude, I won’t even try to sell you the part you need, have the dealer fix this under warranty so it doesn’t cost you anything.” He then printed the results for me. I left with a big smile on my face.

On the way home I stopped at an Arby’s drive through to get lunch for Sheila and me. The car in front of me had two women who were apparently catering a small event with roast been sandwiches and “I need more Horsey sauce!” Every attendee apparently had special dietary needs. Highly detailed instructions AND lots of rude behavior. Ladies, seriously, you do that to people who handle your food?

[misseffect]

Rules: tag a few people you'd like to get to know better or catch up with, and add three bonus questions for them to answer.

Tagged by: @diaphanouso @ninanirina and @possumteeths - thank you! 💕

Favourite colour: khaki-type greens

Last song: the way we say goodbye / circa waves

Currently reading: the voyage out / virginia woolf and (wait for it) easy peasy puppy squeezy / steve mann

Last movie / TV show: Inventing Anna

Sweet, savoury or spicy: savoury mostly but I'm also a chocolate fiend

Currently working on: my mental health :'))) tNDA is currently on semi-hiatus while I do Big Girl Shit

And bonus questions from @ninanirina!

Favourite dish/dessert to cook: halloumi stew! it's a bastardised recipe from a student cookbook that I apparently don't have anymore (I looked) but it's basically a very reduced tomato sauce with ras el hanout spice mix, chunks of stewed red pepper and courgette, fried halloumi and crusty bread. i make it every weekend; it's dead easy and DEVINE.

Most hated house chore: dusting. it takes SO long for so little payoff and the dust doesn't even really go away?? it's just moves around a bit

Favourite smell: not to be too Weird Horse Girl on main but the feed room of a stable yard. I think it's mainly the sugar beet pulp smell that I like but they always have this lovely warm, slightly sweet, haylage-y, horsey (sometimes garlic-y) smell.

I like the bonus questions idea so - if you like - please tell me about:

1. Your favourite item of clothing

2. The last thing you bought

3. Your favourite snack

Or pick one of the bonus questions I answered (or neither!)

Tagging @otemporanerys @shepgarrus @drumsandwaves and @oneterribletruth if you fancy it!

[recurring-polynya]

I never thought "Fast food AU" would be something I want that much but thanks to you, this is happening! I'd love to read it: it sounds terrific!

In case you missed it, this is a reference to this post, which as predicted, I promptly forgot about.

Anyway, yes, I, too would like to read it, so, here, Anon, I wrote you a drabble. It’s less of a Fast Food AU and more of an everyone-works-at-the-mall-in-the-year-Polynya-graduated-high-school, but you get what you pay for.

Izuru works at the Squad 4 Arby’s, tho, so it counts.

“Ma’am,” said Shuuhei, in an extremely serious voice, “this is a fantasy gaming supply store.”

Rangiku dissolved into giggles.

Izuru stuffed his nose deeper into this month’s Dungeon Magazine, which he had absolutely no intention of purchased. He was trying to ignore Shuuhei draping his arm around Rangiku’s shoulders next to him, or more accurately, trying not to imagine Shuuhei’s arms draped around his own shoulders. Maybe if he smelled like Cinnabon, like she did, instead of Horsey Sauce, he’d have a better chance. 

“They didn’t publish it this month,” Shuuhei informed him.

“Publish what? What are you talking about?” Izuru stammered, shutting the magazine self-consciously.

“You sent in a module, didn’t you? I can tell your style, and none of this month’s looked like yours.”

“Liches, bitches!” Ikkaku cackled from the back corner where he was perusing the Gundam kits.

“Other people write campaigns about liches,” Izuru snarled. 

“But so few include haiku about phylacteries,” Shuuhei sighed dramatically.

“Takes up a whole four syllables, power move if you ask me,” Rukia mumbled from behind A Clash of Kings.

“Anyway, I wouldn’t send anything into a magazine, that’s dumb,” Izuru pressed, hoping his cheeks weren’t too pink. To date, he had sent seventeen submissions to Dungeon Magazine. Eleven of them had been about liches. Two had been published, under a pseudonym of course. He hadn’t told anyone.

“Speaking of which, are we playing this weekend?” Rangiku whined. “I can’t have the car back for another three weeks, because of my report card, so I need a ride. “Shuuhei, can you pick me up on the bike?”

“I mean, I can, but we’re playing at my house, so that seems a little dumb. Izuru, how’s the Festiva running?”

The Festiva was not running. The Festiva was a brick. The Festiva needed $1200 (which Izuru didn’t have) of work, or possibly just Renji to hit it really hard again with the crow bar.

“KIIIIIIIIIIIRRRRRRRAAAAAAA!”

Speaking of the devil, a tall gangly mass of limbs and red hair in a referee’s jersey came barrelling into the gaming store. 

“He’s back here!” Rangiku called, unhelpfully, as if they weren’t always all packed in on the old shitty couch in amongst the WWII rpgs.

“I knew I would find you here!” Renji yelled. “I need you to go back on shift! Isane won’t give me my senior citizen discount and I need Beef’n’Cheddars! I got soccer practice tonight!”

“Reeeeennnjiiiii, will you give me a ride to D&D this weekend?” Rangiku whined. “I’d rather ride in the Camaro than Izuru’s Festiva.” 

The car-shaped pile of rust that Renji insisted had once been a Camaro ran even less frequently than Izuru’s Festiva, but at least it was very loud. 

“If you give me gas money,” he agreed amiably.

“Maybe instead of trying to scam discount sandwiches out of Izuru, you should try to get Omaeda to give you a discount on sunglasses instead,” Shuuhei suggested helpfully. “He’s not such a bad guy, as long as you agree with whatever he says. His house is really nice, too. They always have a million leftovers in the fridge.”

“I’m not saving up for sunglasses,” Renji protested. “I’m saving up to ask--” he trailed off suddenly as Rukia’s eyes surfaced above the top of her book; he clearly hadn’t noticed her small, black clad form curled up in the corner. “-- for college.”

“Fuck off, you’re not going to college, you’re gonna work at Foot Locker forever,” shouted Ikkaku, obvious as usual. 

“Better than the fuckin’ Sbarro,” Renji snapped back.

“You shut up, Sbarro rules, and at least I get free food!”

Izuru sighed and heaved himself up off the couch. “I’m back on shift in ten anyway. Let’s go get you your sandwiches, Abarai.”

“Thank you, thank you, thank you!” Renji smashed him on the shoulders as they headed back into the mall, toward the food court. “Hey, Izuru,” he hissed, when they were out of earshot. “Have you read those George R. R. Martin books? Are they any good? They’re huge.”

“I’m pretty sure Rukia is just hate-reading them,” Izuru reassured him.  “I’ve read them. They’re great, if you don’t mind your favorite characters dying. They’re never gonna get popular, though.” He wasn’t sure he’d ever seen Rukia unironically enjoy anything. He had no idea why she hung out at the gaming store with all the broke-ass part-timers. She worked in the high-end clothing boutique that her super-rich family owned. Surely, there was a better class of people she could be hanging out with. “Why don’t you just ask her to prom already? She might say yes.”

“Because I’m broke, dude, I just outgrew my cleats and I had to buy new ones and the only way I’m ever going to college is on a soccer scholarship, so I gotta--”

Izuru waved his hand. He’d heard it all before, and it’s not like his own prospects were in any better shape. “Just go thrift a suit. Pretend you’re doing it ironically. I tell you Rukia would go for that.”

Renji’s jaw worked nervously, contemplating the idea. The big jock was usually a pretty chill friend, but not when it came to the subjects of money or college, and especially not the subject of Kuchiki Rukia. “Are you gonna ask Shuuhei?” he demanded suddenly. 

“No!” Izuru gasped. “I could never!” he hissed under his breath.

“You always act like he’s some sort of movie star. So he owns Doc Martens and wears a vest with a bunch of anarchist patches on it and sleeps through class a lot. He’s also on the school newspaper club and yearbook. Were you there the time Iba gave him a cigarette? It was bad. It was real bad. He’s just as big a dork as you are.”

“No one is as big a dork as I am,” Izuru hissed. “Also, he likes Rangiku, I’m pretty sure.”

“Yeah, well, who wouldn’t?” Renji agreed. “She smells like Cinnabon all the time.”

[hemogobbler]

Date Night

Catra and Adora go on a romantic date in Bright Moon’s commercial district. Swift Wind is also there. G - 1.4k // Read on Ao3 or after the break!

===

Cobblestone lines the streets of Bright Moon’s commercial district, lanterns tempting passers-by into their warm glow, pulling them from the night into the many restaurants and bars that promised good food and good times. 

Exotic cuisine she’s never heard of, chalkboards noting “happy hours” that would be more appealing if Adora wasn’t in charge of all their collective money, and a leaderboard of times outside a particularly lively bar for something called a ‘rodeo bull’?

Catra studied each and every shop-front like she was scoping out targets for an artillery strike. The walls would never hold up under concentrated fire. She tries to relax but people keep staring at her. Adora’s jacket suddenly settles around her shoulders. 

It helps. It smells nice. 

“What’re you doing?” Catra asks her; Adora looks flustered.

“You looked… cold?” Adora says and then squints like she’s realized how bad she is at this.

“I wasn’t.” 

“Oh.” 

“Now I’m too warm.” 

“I’ll just take it b - ”

“No, no it’s--it’s fine. Thanks.”

Adora takes a breath and squeezes her hand. “You okay?” 

Catra looks down at their hands and smiles. She squeezes back. 

“...Yeah. Never better, actually. But, people are watching us.” 

“People are looking at the saviors of Etheria? No way?” Adora is grinning.

Catra punches her.

“Probably thinkin’ they can’t trust me. Here I am, the evil Lord Catra, seducing ol’ legendary She-Ra, Etheria’s last, best hope for peace, about to give her a hangover that’ll knock all the glory right outta her.”

“I promise you they’re not thinking that. And She-Ra doesn’t get hangovers.”

Catra groans. “Of course. Princess of Power. Lucky you.” 

“Lucky you.”

Adora takes both her hands, now, and they stop in the middle of the street. Adora faces her, tenderness gracing her pretty blue eyes. She gives Catra a careful kiss, touching her face softly while keeping a hand pressed at her back. People watch Catra go beet-red as they part, smiling.

“Lucky me.” Catra catches her breath and savors the feeling of joy making her heart dance.

“If you don’t wanna walk, we don’t have to.” Adora offers.

“Ooh, moneybags over here gonna spring for a carriage? How romantic.” 

“At those prices? Hell no. I’ve got something better.” 

Adora clears her throat and looks up to the sky. Catra watches her in confusion. The princess puts her hands around her mouth and shouts:

“EQUINE RIGHTS!” 

In the distance, trumpets can be heard, sounding a glorious chorus of revolution that reaches every star in the sky. A silhouette of a winged angel appears before the moon, which descends from heaven slowly, gracefully, but perhaps with one too many loop-de-loops, and then Catra realizes it’s just Swift Wind.

His hooves clip-clop along the cobblestone in a way that is immensely satisfying as he reaches the duo with a wide horsey smile. He shakes his orange mane out and Catra has to admit it is pretty majestic. 

“ADORA! Is it finally time to unite our be-saddled brothers and sisters and cast off the reins of servitude? Horde Prime may be defeated, but I’m afraid the evil of late-stage capitalism is as pervasive as ever here in Bright Moon! Have you seen those poor carriage horses?! Hours spent slaving away for naught but hay!” 

He looks at Adora expectedly, with great excitement in his voice. She pokes her fingers together awkwardly and rubs the back of her neck, sucking in air through her teeth.

“Uhh… yeah, about that… we kinda... just need a lift…” 

A nervous laugh trails away into silence. Swift Wind looks from Adora to Catra and back again. He puts on a smile but the oomph in his voice is clearly diminished as the fires of revolt die back down.

“OF COURSE! I would be thrilled to use our sacred bond to be your taxi for the night.”

“Thanks, Swifty. I owe you.” 

Adora pats his neck and they climb up on him. Catra’s nails dig into him and she mutters her apologies before retracting them. 

“Yes, you do!” 

---

“Stop singing.” 

Catra deadpans, high in the sky, locking her arms around Adora’s waist for… stability. 

“As long as you rate me five stars! Haha! A joke, but the state of wage-slavery in Etheria is no laughing matter! Horses will not eat if they don’t meet the stringent requirements of their so-called ‘masters.’ It is an outrage!” 

The rest of their flight is spent in relative quiet. Catra actually finds it charming. Beautiful, even. 

Below, tiny homes and tinier lights twinkle like the stars above. Galaxies shine throughout the cosmos, faint clouds cut through by dazzling moonlight. Adora’s light hair flows into the night, blowing back into Catra’s face. She doesn’t mind. 

Catra notices her shivering and realizes… her jacket! They were so high up and it was already cold out and Adora wanted her to have it! There are goosebumps along her gorgeous arms, the sweet baby. She decides to keep her toasty in its place. 

She wraps the jacket around them both, draping her arms over Adora’s shoulders and snuggling into her neck. Adora leans into the touch and is rewarded with a long, loving purr. Fur meets skin, creating genuine warmth and laughter that resounds through the air. 

Catra adds her lips to the equation, tickling Adora’s neck with little wet kisses. Adora holds Catra’s head to her, running fingers through wild hair and stroking her freckled cheek on the way back down. Catra thinks they’ve left the atmosphere and stumbled upon heaven, and that no fancy dinner could ever be as sweet as this moment.

Adora turns her neck and tenderly touches her forehead to Catra’s. Over the wind, Catra hears her say ‘I love you’, and now, she’s sure, they’ve found paradise. She repeats the words and holds her tight, promising to never let her go.

On their descent, they allow Swifty his song, and he makes it count, belting out a love ballad just for them. 

“When the moons hit your eye like a sweet oatcake, why, that's amore~!” 

---

When they reach the fancy restaurant, the waitress isn’t thrilled by Catra’s lack of shoes, peering at her bare feet for an uncomfortably long amount of time before allowing them in. 

They’re seated by a fish-tank, and when she’s informed that they can eat whatever one they want, she goes ballistic. The servers fail to stop her from reaching in herself, selecting a red fish with a lot of fight and sending water everywhere. 

They are now seated by two wet floor signs, but Catra gets to keep her fish because She-Ra. Her fish is served with eel sauce (which is way better than it sounds) and delectable greens, while Adora opts for a chunky t-bone. 

Throughout it all, while people might occasionally glance over at the couple devouring their meals in a way that would disgust even Huntara, Catra finds she doesn’t mind it as much. They go back to their dinners, their own laughter, and conversations, and she finds, through mouthfuls of fish, she can go back to hers. 

Adora’s even more beautiful when her cheeks are filled with steak… somehow. In the glow of the restaurant’s lighting, Catra finds Adora’s hair poof disheveled from the flight and tucks in a loose strand for her with gentle fingers.

They eat better than they ever have in their lives, and it shows on the bill.

“I’ll pay,” Catra says, determined.

“You don’t have any money,” Adora counters. 

“And whose fault is that? Scorpia told me I should offer to pay.” 

“Aw, sweet. It’s okay, pretty sure I get a She-Ra discount.” 

The server comes over and Adora asks, flashing the remnants of her sword-bracelet, “She-Ra discount?”

The server looks at her long and hard but says nothing. Adora sighs and transforms upon which her head immediately collides with the ceiling, leaving a hole bigger than the one in their wallets. Catra laughs at the big doof rubbing her head and, now, all eyes are on them. 

She-Ra sits back down, embarrassed, and the chair snaps under her. This is Catra’s best day ever. She helps her up off her ass and flicks the after-dinner mint square in her mouth. Catra winks at the server, who sighs a long, long, painfully long sigh.

“We’ll pay for all this… tomorrow--ADORA, RUN!” 

Catra grabs her by the hand and yanks the giant woman out of the half-destroyed restaurant, who screams, over and over through peals of laughter:

“EQUINE RIGHTS, EQUINE RIGHTS!”

[thequantumqueer]

i love it when food ratios come out cleanly

3 boiled eggs make a satisfying small meal/large snack for me, and i just learned that 1 packet of arby’s horsey sauce is just the right amount for 3 eggs

[icarusthelunarguard]

This Week’s Horrible-Scopes

Aries

Things may be a bit confusing this week. It might be even more confusing than that night in college, with your bio teacher and that tank of nitrous oxide... Time to send the pay-off checks before you become a trending topic on Facebook again. 

Taurus

A sneeze will nearly cripple you on Monday. Then you'll throw out your back eating a taco on Tuesday. Wednesday will be your old Wrestling injury flaring up from the weather. Thursday… well, just don’t fix the trash compactor or the garbage disposal. And Friday… I’m in love. See? These Horrible Scopes are The Cure for everything! 

Gemini 

Something will slip out of your hand and break your foot tomorrow! Most likely it’ll either be a dumbbell while exercising or an aquarium tank. Either way you’re doing it wrong. Dumbbells should only be used as the counter-balances for your home-built trebuchet and that aquarium tank for growing your own fish for your Friday Fish Fry. Or just raise beavers.

Cancer 

You need a pet. Go ask someone to pet you. It’s OK, we won’t judge you. Hell, we could ALL use some contact time - like how a collection of cats will all just lie on each other and take a nap together. Remember, the kitten on top of the pile has all the power, because you can never disturb it once it’s on you. We humans know this rule, so do they. It’s the one universal constant on the planet.

Leo

You will be eaten by coyotes. And by “You” we mean “sheep”... so that “You” at the start of this listing should be “ewe” and not “you”. You’re following us right? I mean, EWE are following us. Look, this whole thing is just an excuse to sneak in a “Lion and a Lamb” joke. If you missed it, well, you’re obviously not the Self-Absorbed Leo we thought you were. 

Virgo

An unusual kangaroo will play a pivotal role this weekend. She’s never been to Australia, but she comes from Sydney. That’s her dad’s name. She thinks she’s a watchdog for some reason - might be that she keeps a pocket watch in her pouch. So, if you see Sydney’s Daughter, the kangaroo with a pocket watch, go up and say “HI!”

Libra 

We know you’re sick and tired of all these job placement ideas because you keep failing at the jobs, but we’ve SERIOUSLY got the right one for you - even YOU can’t screw it up. Ready? Radio Show Ventriloquist! Come on the show and show your voice into a little mannequin dummy. No one will be able to see your lips move while you’re still practicing, so it’s a win-win! And if you think this ISN’T a real one, just ask Edgar Bergen and Charlie McCarthy. 

Scorpio 

You thought everyone forgot about it, but they didn't. You tried to forget, but it’s been haunting your dreams for years. And finally, we have the answer for you. Are you listening? Good. The Arby’s condiment called “Horsey Sauce” does NOT taste like what you’ve always thought it did, even if the colouring was close. Now don’t you feel better about your friends who love the stuff?

Sagittarius 

Seriously? You're wearing that? Look, we’re all for putting on whatever helps you to stay comfortable, but GEEZE! 6 inch stiletto heels with locking ankle straps in WHITE?! BEFORE Easter?! What were you thinking?! At least you’re finally getting to use that punk-blue hair colouring… it’s only been expired since, what? 2017? 

Capricorn 

You’ve folded so many times, you look like an origami model of a black hole. Which is funny because most people just take a sheet of newspaper, crumple it up into a ball, light it on fire, take the ashes, put that inside ANOTHER crumpled up sheet of paper and burn THAT over and over again. Our design might be more accurate, but you’ve got the artistic aesthetics.

Aquarius 

Listen carefully! We have some words of wisdom for you to remember…. It’s all fun and games until someone suggests playing UNO with the online jump-in & stacking rules - then it’s a table-flip challenge. It’s all fun and games until someone loses an eye - then it’s a scavenger hunt. It’s all fun and games until someone calls the police - then it’s a game of Keep Away. It’s all fun and games until someone calls a lawyer - then it’s a deposition. If you put all the sentences' first letters together, you’ll find the ACTUAL secret meaning. Or weren’t you paying attention?

Pisces 

This whole self-isolation thing is a huge help for you. You do nothing but piss-off everyone you come in contact with because you are a self-aggrandizing, opinionated, snobbish prick with a superiority complex. Don’t believe me? Just look around at your other Pisces friends and try to guess which one of them heard that and thought, “Yeah.. but I’m the BEST at what I do, right?” Chances are, they can picture YOU feeling that for yourself.

[jaybaumans]

talking about horsey sauce i love how Jay just. went from creepy weirdo roles (dudebros, feeding frenzy or other old stuff) and Nerd (good ol' dex) to Sweet Prince (hitb) and alien villain (space cop grigg). Mike really has a good eye to choosing both Jay's and Rich's roles tbh, plays to their strengths

Yeah I love how as awkward and stinted Jay tends to act in real life (or at least what we see on HITB and BOTW) he isn’t type cast as that kind of charcater. He’s actaully not a bad actor and has some dynamic to him! And yeah ike does have a great character sense. Just like how Rich is great at building sets and props and Jay is just a movie expert that understand structure. It all fits together like a puzzle.