#i love him so much i'm gonna throw up
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[Gale of Waterdeep]
Another try to understand colouring. I struggled so much with the face symmetry it wasn't funny anymore.
#laufxson#baldurs gate gale#baldurs gate fanart#baldurs gate 3#baldur's gate 3#gale dekarios#bg3 gale#bg3#gale of waterdeep#my nerdy husband#i love him so much i'm gonna throw up#still haven't completed a single playthrough#i'm 180 hours in send help#my tav be twirling their hair n shit everytime they hear gale call em 'my love'#i melt everytime he calls me that. i have so many screenshots#the amount of freckles this man has me asdkssdfddsk#his autistic nerdy rizz got me so good#he's so pretty and intelligent ~
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the dialogue choices in this game should be more diabolical
#i love akechi but i sometimes i wish you could bully him like no matter which dialogue u pick it sounds like ur flirting back w him#“i'm going to be completely honest with you. i've always hated you” why can't u say smt unserious back#like “sorry i have a snatched waist and correct opinions on everything.” or like “ur loss lmao”#hate playing darts with this bitch bc i play on a steamdeck and i don't have a fucking gyroscope so like#it's trying to replicate how the joycons or pro controller would throw AND ITS SUCKS SO BAD#like i just see akechi get a hat trick every single fucking time with three bulls in a row and meanwhile im struggling to line the thing up#and then after u finish he's like “hmm i see. that's an interesting way to play it” WHAT THE FUCK THERES LITERALLY NO STRATEGY HERE SMARTAS#I JUST MISSED. IM NOT STRATEGIZING. THERES NOTHING “INTERESTING” ABOUT IT.#i hate going to penguin snipers so much i hope i can get this stupid game on switch so i can actually rank up akechi's baton pass#and not waste like 1000 yen every night bc i refuse to not let a party member be on rank 3#akechi fuck yourself why can't we play 501 like we do with everyone else. why do u have to make everything abt this stupid rivalry#im gonna kms i hate akeci and i hate darts#persona 5#persona 5 royal#p5#p5r#goro akechi#ren amamiya#akira kurusu#shuake#akeshu#lotus draws
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The Spirealm 致命游戏 (2024) | Ep. 32
#the spirealm#致命游戏#kaleidoscope of death#ruan nanzhu#lin qiushi#xia zhiguang#huang junjie#cdrama#cdramasource#kodedit#userhanyi#*gifs:mine#the sweetest scene i love it so much#the way nanzhu knows lingling is feeling down so he makes him laugh AND tells him he cares about him all at the same time🥺🥺🥺🥺#i'm gonna throw up i love them so much
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what is your favorite thing about charles and your favorite thing about erik? separately, as in what you like most about their characters :]
a devious question this one is, my friend!!! it's hard enough for me to explain my thoughts cohesively, but having to pick ONE thing i particularly love is difficult. with characters like charles and erik, theres been so much done with their characters over the decades and so they have so many components to them that make them so interesting and fun to observe. BUT I TRY FOR YOU TODAY. under the cut i kinda ramble and the size of this text box makin me anxious
i think if i were to be simple and broad, what i enjoy most about charles is his determination to help others, even if he isn't really thanked and/or if people don't even like him. ofc, this isn't to say he hasn't done wrong- to be honest, the fact he does wrong/questionable things at times is another aspect of him i really enjoy, maybe because- broadly speaking- he's meant to be altruistic (intent vs outcome and all that). i don't know if that's super exciting to most people, but it is for me
as for erik, my reason for liking him is easier to explain tbh. To Be Simple And Broad, his progression from villain to antihero over the decades has been fun to observe (as much as i have so far anyhow) and analyze. i think to be a bit more specific, him using his rage and pain as justifications for his villainous actions is definitely what compels me the most: hurt people hurt and the sort, an idea i've always found interesting (something something vicious cycles and the like). yet now, he recognizes this wasn't really. A Just Thing To Do and is beginning to change that, which i enjoy
#snap chats#may you forgive me anon i always feel awkward explaining things AVELKJEAKLJ#i feel esp awkward cause i haven't read toooo much of the comics yet- like ive read. an ok amount so far krakoa wise#can you guys tell im fighting god himself to Not write a fuckin. NOVEL#im so sorry i have an over-explaining problem my mom was mean to me growing up but anyways#i definitely want to read more and more outside krakoa. the more i read the more im fascinated by these two and their history#but to continue my prattling. as if the three paragraphs above arent enough This Is Not A Thesis RELAX#i think a. 'poignant' moment i think adds to what i like about charles too is that soliloquy where he recognizes people dont like him#yet he could always be worse- like if he's bad now to others imagine if he really just said Fuck It All#it's simple but so am i whaddyagonnadoboutit. i mean that point itself could be discussed but i'm trying to keep this brief bear with me#i so bad want to know what issue that's from tho all i know is that it's from krakoa but i neeeed the whole context#i think like. an additional bullet point to charles i also like is his loneliness#and i say this cause- I Say From My Amateur-Psychology Armchair- it's a component of why he's so earnest to help#but im keeping this point in the tags until i can confidently verify that with myself after some more reading#Unfortunately a favorite pass time of mine is psychoanalyzing characters like why else you think i major in psychology smh#im going to force myself to cap the post here because i ended up typing like 20 more tags just rambling#and as i said id like to keep this simple and clean !!!!! i have sat here for like four hours answering this ngl#ignore the fact half that time was spent getting distracted by solitaire and riffling cards ok I Am Very Easily Distracted#but fr when it comes to charles and erik- charles esp imo#i feel like i need to write a whole paper just so i can mention the nuances of the characters and like. EVERYTHING#because again six decades is A Lot of time for writing decisions to be made and for their characters to change over time#im a glazer but i wanna be a nuanced glazer yk. is that glazing at that point-- w/e anyway#its a lot. so today you will have to tolerate a very Blah answer from me which i must apologize for#down the line once ive read a comfortable amount more varying from multiple eras maybe ill revisit this question more in depth#as of right now tho .... chat i wanna get legion of x so bad i skimmed it and hhhhhhhhim gonna throw UP#i need to shake charles like a ragdoll BUT ANYWAY. bye bye for now lovelies !!!!!!!#please forgive me if i didnt answer your question efficiently ..#here i am saying i wanted to keep the tag count brief and yet !!! jesus christ. shut up My God I REACHED THE TAG LIMIT
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As cute as satosugu is, it's SO important to me that no matter how much they loved each other (romantically or platonically idrc to argue w/ ppl) they did NOT tell each other. That they lost their chance bc they were young and strong and full of hope and they thought they had all the time in the world to tell the other how they felt, y'know, like how teenagers are supposed to feel about life. But they couldn't be together, they couldn't have each other's company the way they really wanted. Their youths were forcefully taken away from them their emotions that they were still not fully settled on forced out of their hands because they had bigger more grave things to worry about now. It's so important to me that they were always doomed no matter what.
#satosugu#like not even bc I like angst ir anything their youth is just... a small preview of the story as a whole#it's so important to me that even though they loved each other they left without ever being able to say it#bc they were so isolated and so traumatised and not given the time or tools to deal with it all that they would end up here no matter what#even if riko hadn't met her fate the way she did even if toji never showed up#something else would#because that's the terrible world they lived in and that's the future the elders have built for the next generation#bc everyone is doomed by the prejudice and arrogance of weak shitty dusty old people that would rather you be dead than give up their power#I have.... a lot of thoughts about satosugu and sukugo#like of course the only people that ever made satoru happy were people deemed too monsterous by jujutsu society#of course it was the rejects of the system that could even begin to understand his dehumanisation and maybe bring him out of the lonliness#like just... ughhhhhhh#I'm thinking about jjk again I'm gonna throw UP#they loved each other so much but they left each other with nothing but unresolved and unburied ghosts to no fault of either of them really#it was inevitable for them
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i have so many thoughts about arcane but I'm so tired because it's 5 in the morning and I'm starving because i didn't eat and my brain is functioning at about 2% and all of my insides feel like mush.
#i need to rant so don't look in the tags if you don't want spoilers#it's funny because#I actually really liked a lot of stuff in the episodes#the one thing i didn't really like#is whatever they're doing with viktor lol#uuhgffffnnn you know I'm still holding out hope that everything will circle back#and his lore won't be like. really weird hextech jesus guy LMFAO#I'm attached to machine herald vik. okay. i must say it#and it's only the first three episodes so a lot could happen#but when I think about them completely changing him#and his character won't be anything like what i got attached to anymore#it makes me feel sick with anxiety lol#duuuuude sometimes having fixations is really difficult#i can't focus on the episode because I'm just worried about what they're gonna do with him 😭#i wouldn't really care if I didn't like arcane that much#but the thought that they could completely change him in the game#and all this old lore that I've invested time and love into#uuuuuuuggggg....... gonna throw up#I just need them to rip the bandaid off and release all the episodes and show me his vgu#before I make myself crazy waiting#I want to enjoy the episodes but!!!! he worries me!!!!!!!!!!!!#my intricately crafted self insert oc lore!!!!!!!! please don't touch it!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
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Do you have any Zhongli/Zhongchi fic recs? I haven’t found any that are nearly as good as yours 😔😔
funnily enough someone already asked this, but it was quite a while ago and tumblr is a mess to search old shit thru so here, this is the post this was asked during the ao3 crisis of- .......last year? i can't remember. either way, the post starts w me saying i don't have all the names and links but dw, after ao3 came back up i edited the post so you should see all authors and links in the recs.
i have to admit that for reasons unrelated to the fandom i haven't been reading many zhongchi fics as of late? so like- bear in mind i don't have an updated mental picture of any of the recs after the post was made. so if one went off the rails or if one of the WIPs finished, i'm not aware;; i also mention in the post that i'd add more recs if i had access to ao3 (which i didn't at the time bc it was down), and while that is true, it's been so long since i read any of them that i wouldn't be able to confidently reccomend them outside of 'i somewhat remember the plot and i remember liking it'. also i don't remember half of their names. so uh- yeah that's the list i think
#also there are plenty of fics that i'd have loved to recomend but that ended up either going off the rails towards the end or that just-#left me disappointed#complete tanget but what is it with people making holy angst and then completely missing the point of said angst#as in#the resolution they give to the angst is sometimes more infuriating than anything#like by that point i'm rooting to have no resolution LMAO#which is why angst resolution is always like my n°1 concern in my fics#last thing i want is for the angst to be super good and then for the resolution to leave y'all like-#that's it?#not in the sense of payoff for the angst#but in the way the issues brought up by the angst get handled#i don't want to point fingers obviously i'm not that much of an asshole#but i vividly remember a fic that set up childe being bullied horribly by a bunch of adults for something that was outside of his control#and that he couldn't have possibly known#and so he just flees bc i mean poor guy i'd flee as well. plus they backed him into a corner with no other way out#like- think public proposal except childe didn't even know he was dating zhongli. and when he was confused about it#all the onlookers started berating him for being stupid#which like- it's one thing being dense. and it's another thing being unable to communicate w eachother (this was zl's fault)#anyway. so he flees. the resolution to the angst is him getting dragged (against his will) back to liyue and zhongli just saying#sorry i forgot to say i loved you please never leave idk what i'd do without you#and like off-camera he did almost kill the 'onlookers' that bullied childe#but like#that's it#there's no further apologies from everyone; childe retains no issues from a highly traumatic event (it was portrayed that way);#everything is solved by zl saying actually i love you if you leave i'm gonna be depressed forever#like????????????????????????#obviously i'm being very vague about it#that's not exactly how it goes in the fic#don't want to throw hate at it the rest of it was really good#it just left me with a growing dread of 'this isn't going to be handled well by the author isn't it' as it went on
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hi uncle nina! it's my birthday today and u don't have but will u pretty plz consider reposting that part of ch6 of rm where raven in on the phone with kenny b4 his hate with jers? i thought it was super cute and i really wanted to read it :3
awwww, happy birthday, darling! i hope it's as lovely as you are!
and i--sigh.
okay.
i hate complicated feelings surrounding chapter six ( aka the introduction to the iconique ravesey hate that i deleted from stress ) because i actually did love it...i just rushed the hell out of it, didn't plan it out very well and it was a mess. it could have been a lot better.
part of why i deleted it was actually because of that ravenstan/kenny phonecall because i felt worried that i revealed too much about how not cool and actually boy-failure-y stan was too early and could have kept the suspense going longer but aaaaaa i just wanted y'all to see how CUTE he was, like??? and how nervous! AAAA!!!
buuut considering the cat has been out of the bag, or rather, the raven has flown the nest for some time now...and it's the beauteous day you were born...i will humbly present you with this b-day present in the form of my incompetent idiot girl ramblings/writings, though, i fear it is not at all as grand the gift of your life is.
so, without further ado darlings, here is the endearing, embarrassing phone call ( it was over discord actually ) that ravenstan had with kenny prior to showing up to blondie's for his little hate-date with jerseykyle. it's a mess and unedited, but regardless, please know that from whatever hurts or harms you, i hope you heal, please rem(ember) to smile, pendejos,
and to now, as always, angels:
please enjoy the very, very...
worst part of your day. ;)
-uncle nina <333
#hlkshdlf i am self concious about this#but it is your birthday and rs was very cute in it#it's also your birthday and you deserve to celebrate#it is a momentous occasion my love! so heres some pre-hate#again idk what this really sounds like i have not read it since i wrote it and hit and run posted it on ao3#but smh can u feel kens jealous rage thru the phone disguised as thinly veiled teasing i am crying fml sorry kenny#its ok i give them the gift of marjorine very soon i swear#but oh my god stan is so stinking cute!!! it was too early but all we had was mean scary jersey pov and only really saw raven#as a massive smarmy rockstar assholes with glimmers of his humanity coming through a rare awkward stammer#and hes actually gods sweet fucking angel shdlskd anyways this reveal was much more iconic when u didn't know that#but i hope u enjoy this sorry its not the best also everyone say we love u raven hes gonna throw up deadass the whole time#stans fkn catboy gamerboy headphones i love him so bad in his lil suit and his combat boots and his blonde ass hair#KENNY WAS BEING SO OUT OF POCKET AND NASTY also i was a little too nasty in this im sorry ew go to jail nina#mans was thinking abt jerseys lawyer voice TOO MUCH#the light cartman and chef reveal...very spicy to me xx#ravenstan is so hey baby i heard you like bad boys...well i'm bad at everything ;) *winks and leans seductively and falls over*#i love the stannish half mexican stan my beloved <333
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where do i even start
#tomgreg#stay tuned for a special thing at the end#FIRST OFF CAN I JUST SAY. thinking about my own various skills and abilities tom says as he MOVES CROTCH FIRST TOWARDS GREG.#and he's just told greg his skills. he's got a big dick and fucks fast and hard. so like. there's that.#i'm either to assume he's already showed said skills off to greg and referring to it or he's literally being suggestive#either unconsciously or consciously.#also he wiggles his crotch a little. like. we get it you wanna fuck greg so bad it makes you look stupid.#ok so we've got the tom not tiptoeing around this like he did with shiv and straight up saying i'm not fucking happy#with you going off with somebody else. i don't like it. why are you happy and i'm not that's not fair.#you're mine. i'm not jealous tho haha#we've got them going through what looks like a wedding arch.#we've got them full on acting like a married couple with greg making excuses for tom and holding him back a little. acting like his wife.#we've got tom switching chiding greg for saying something and the ''don't say that!!'' and then greg agreeing#and saying that actually no tom is a lovely man. oh don't mind my husband he's just grouchy!#and then the WAY tom says you've ruined it like he's about to throw up or cry. or both.#and then greg being like ?? how i have ruined it?? and tom ''idk you just HAVE'' all petulant like#and you know what i'm gonna say. a schoolboy.#he's like thanks i hate it#it really is so much this episode. so much.#i have an idea from it of what fic i could write so there's something at least. a
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so in juniper's campaign we've just found ourselves in a high-stakes situation that I as a player do frankly find stressful and am anxious about, but hey hi also the DM was like 'okay here are the exact mechanics of how this is going to work because I don't want to surprise you with serious repercussions, also here are all the options you will have to try to do something about the situation-- [affected player] what do you think? honest feedback, I don't want it to feel unfair, I want to be clear that I am not just trying to kill your character, and if it ends up being badly balanced we can revisit it down the road' and oh my god I could COLLAPSE and WEEP with gratitude
#[tears in my fucking eyes] WHAT IF DND WAS GOOD!! WHAT IF A DM THAT'S GOOD!!!#LIKE I've said actually MOST of my DMs are good but because of the way this situation was presented specifically#where-- as NOT the affected player-- it does feel like the way it came up was a little unfair and I AM worried about the stakes--#I REALLY SPENT SO MUCH OF THAT ABOVE-TABLE TALK GOING OH WOW I FEEL LIKE OUR FRIEND ACTUALLY LOVES US AND WANTS THIS TO BE FUN!!#I DON'T KNOW THAT I AGREE WITH WHAT HE'S DOING HERE BUT I TRUST MY FRIEND AND IT'S SAFE FOR US TO TALK ABOUT THINGS LIKE THIS PLAYER TO DM!!#WOWIE THAT FEELS RELEVANT TO MY DND EXPERIENCE RIGHT NOW LMAO!!!#'I've looked at your stats and inventories to try to make this serious but balanced but if it doesn't work we can retool it'#'I want to be extremely clear that this situation could kill destal so I want to be extremely sure that you're comfortable with that--#-- and with how the mechanics are designed around it'#I am fucking. on my KNEES WEEPING. at the contrast with how punishing and DEEPLY unfun felix campaign has relentlessly been the whole time#and how little of a fuck it feels like THAT DM gives when he's like 'this random rolltable encounter was deadly :)'#'you guys didn't get hit last time and got all your spells back right?' uhhh wrong and wrong and we TALKED about that last time#are you gonna revisit the balance on your fifth in a row 'if you fail you'll TPK' scenario? no? yeah I figured lol#christ knows HE'S never invited feedback on his DMing. you KNOW I don't feel safe to say 'hey this doesn't feel fair or fun' with him#AND LIKE!! WITH A DM I TRUST I FEEL SAFE ENOUGH TO REALLY PLAY WITH SOMETHING TERRIBLE HAPPENING!! YAY YIPPEE STAKES AND PATHOS!!!#I don't just want nothing bad to happen ever! but I don't want it to feel careless or heartless or just... Not Fun#anyway. grasping william's hands so tightly. my beloved friend. my wonderful friend. what a relief to have a DM that's good#after the shit we've been through in our now most-frequently-run campaign#the thing I'm mad about is that destal has been making a mystery saving throw every night-- but this was imperceptible to the characters#so we weren't acting on it#and now that he's failed it three times the situation is 'okay NOW you will be maming a con save every night and accumulating exhaustion'#'which can't be removed by sleeping' [six levels of exhaustion Kill You]#so like!! well okay I wish we had had ANY way of knowing how urgent this was before we got to 'now there's a deadly countdown' BUT OKAY#but like I said. he clearly put a lot of thought into the math for the mechanics#he made sure that we DO actually have ANYTHING we can do to mitigate the condition and outlined several options specifically and clearly#he checked in with justin about whether that seemed fair and opened it for future retooling if necessary#so I'm just at 'that was kind of a rugpull dude :/' instead of DESPAIRING lmao#this is a level of Oh Shit that's juicy! this is a level of Oh Shit that might force dramatic character choices out of desperation!#THIS IS AN OH SHIT WHERE WE STILL GET TO PLAY DND ABOUT IT AND HAVE ANY AGENCY WHATSOEVER. WHAT A CONCEPT.#ANYWAY!!! GOOD DND SAVE ME!!!!!!!!!
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Can somebody hold my hand and tell me without explicit spoilers just how much Gustav I have to endure. Like. I know Alfonse has some voice lines about it, and talks about him a bit during his 40 convo. I haven't even touched Forging Bonds yet. It's so dark in here.
#at. my fucking limit about it LMFAOOOO#i'm. so sorry. i try so hard to not be a hater.... i always wanna see the silver lining i always wanna have a conversation w canon#i always want to glean like. even if i don't like the direction taken here. i want to ask myself What's the greater picture here?#like what does this say about alfonse? what story does it tell? and i always want to examine it i always do#i def. use both alfonse and sharena as filters for. my own bullshit. if that isn't like Abundantly Clear LMFAOOOO#but for me alfonse is much easier to look at directly bc he's something i'm not. even as a man i'll never be a cis man#i'm able to see through the looking glass about it. the way parents can feel this weird sense of ownership/kinship over their same sex kids#and when their kid makes a decision they personally wouldn't make they don't understand. like. you're Like Me aren't you?#it just. gets so i'm gonna throw up about it when you're trans. they literally cannot fucking comprehend that.#bc They wouldn't Do That. why are You doing that.#needless to say you probably see what i'm on about here. there's the literal part of it where alfonse is meant to take gustav's place#should he keep at it. which he does. something that was preordained but also a choice he wanted to make.#but also i cannot with the cycles man. i cannot. it's just like when aaron west's sister catherine said#'you paint dad like a damn saint / and you know that i loved him too / but he drank himself to death the same way'#<- LITERALLY BARELY LIKE NOT EVEN VAGUELY LIKE THAT. but it Is. to me.#literally i'm gonna start crying just reading those lines. what the fuck ehat is fucking wrong w me LMFAOOOOO#it's. so dark in here.
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I love my cat sm
#💭 — ⌗nervo rambles . ★#tw vent#putting that there .....#but I went down a negative spiral and whenever I do that gender dysphoria kicks my ass#and Tuxiedo wasn't on my bed so all I could do was hold on to my plush and cry#but I felt him come and jump up on my bed from my window#and I turned around and he pretty much immediately came to lay on my chest#ik that he doesn't know something/someone putting weight on my chest rlly helps me when I get like this#(it helps with me not feeling hyper aware of my chest and is just a general comfort thing for me that rlly only my cat does)#but just having him do that comforted me a whole lot#and since he got off I'm just hugging said plush to my chest to try and help#which it does#but it's also led to me not being able to move even an inch bc I always get hyper aware of my chest#It always happens#I stay frozen when it gets rlly bad and I just just wanna throw up my insides and rip my hair out sometimes and I just hold my plush close#too much? probably#I get kinda violent to myself with my thoughts#very gorey would not recommend#but I'm not gonna say them in detail here#but yeah Tuxiedo getting up and comforting me was rlly nice#I love him :33#and my bad for getting negative on main fellas 🙏🙏#need to shower but who knows if that'll make my current horrendous gender dysphoria worse#(it will bc I have to look at myself in the mirror every time I go to get in the shower and I get sick just looking at myself)#also Over & Over by Rio Romeo rlly had to start playing during this 💀💀#“Over and over I fuck myself over” lyric hitting more than usual 💔💔
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ANYWHO goodnight tumblr i'll be back on the art grind tomorrow i think 🙏
#haunted ecosystem#i'll take a burst of creativity in a different form than usual than the burnout slump i've been in for a few months#<- part of why my fandom stuff has taken a smidge of a backseat#dont get me wrong i am still very excited about my fandoms im just having fun off in oc hell (affectionate)#its nice to just be able to create and not really worry about perception. and also i feel Less bad about just throwing ocs into the wringer#((blame the fact i've been REALLY interested in whump recently and i have been. fixated. on one of my characters.))#and ALSO i've been! rekindling my flame for wtds. i've been putting off thinking about it since that fic got.#nothing bad happened? but it was still very devastating that somebody who i considered a friend from that fic just. evaporated.#but i'm gonna finish that fic for him :) even if it takes a year. even if it's the one thing i finish ever. it'll be wtds.#for where its gotten me and the fact its what got me out of my shell and is the reason i trust that my writing is good!#i used to really hate rereading my work. i catch flaws that are obvious to me. but that fic. i just think about how *good* the story is#that story means. a lot to me? as a person? like the main character is not a good person. but people care about him anyway.#and there are so many little things. so many sentiments. so much that is a love letter to people who've done bad but learnt to do better#because. god knows i wasnt a good person even just a few years ago. and maybe i see myself in him a bit.#he came from a place of paranoia and fear and pain. and maybe its a good thing that i've found it difficult to write him recently.#because god. i've been HAPPY. even with the rough moments and bad days. i've been happy. i mean fuck.#my birthday's what. ten days away? god damn man. i'm going to be 18. that's an achievement.#i want to look the kid who thought it was over at half my age and tell him we fucking made it. and there are more years to come.#there's a life ahead. even if it's going to be a bitch. even if it's going to be tough. there's love in your heart and people who care and#you're going to fucking live and you're going to feel better one day. you have people to meet properly and thank and cherish.#because for every day it feel like the world's ending there are a dozen more where the sun shines just the right way through the rain#and you can't help but smile because it's just so god damn beautiful.#and fuck it. you're sick. your hands hurt and your legs don't work right. and it's tough sometimes. but you have people who understand.#you have people who honest to god love you for who you are and appreciate your company. and 18 is the first step.#you've spent half your life unlearning things and you've spent half your life relearning how to be what YOU want to be#and if you're a mediocre artist and passionate writer then you'll be fucking great at that. taking the time to learn when it strikes you.#and maybe this is for me. but its also for anybody reading it too. please god if there's one thing you take from this let it be that#somebody out there cares. *I* care. god i care. even if we've never spoken proper i care about you.#i practically have a list of everybody i see in my inbox. i love seeing familiar names show up. i.#i dont know how to neatly wrap up this tag ramble. but. i am so damn full of love it hurts sometimes. its scary to be happy but thats ok!
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you know i've got it bad when i come back to tumblr to rant about my fucking stupid baka life. i am just. i'm chewing and munching and crunching on my own limbs. i had therapy where i talked about [redacted] and that seemed to help it a bit. but i feel like a big stupid idiot that talks too much and lets too much info slip. i feel so vulnerable and i don't even get to be held and loved. i'm getting nearly all the anxiety and pain of being vulnerable and honest in love WITHOUT THE LOVE. i literally want to fucking choke myself out. i want to run into the woods and bite trees like a fucking beaver. i hate how much bigger he is than me because every time i think about it i feel like i'm going to die because i KNOW. i know. how good it would feel to be his little spoon. his hugs are already insanely good. they already make me feel small and held. i just lay here every single day. every single night. and just fucking Yearn bro. i just. imagine. being spooned. and i feel like crawling out of this 3rd story window so i land head first on the concrete. then i might be put out of my gay misery. i shouldn't have to suffer like this, during PRIDE MONTH. catching feelings is homophobic
#i am insane. this is making me insane#genuinely i told my therapist like#i know so much about my brain and my trauma and have all the answers so much of the time#but with love? romance? nothing. zilch. nada.#my life has not been one full of relationships#for various reasons#i've been working a lot on myself in therapy and in transitioning y'know#so i've focused more on that and getting myself to a place where i feel like i can love and be loved without doing or receiving harm#or at least as much harm as i would've when i was less stable/sure of myself#but as a result i have so much unresolved unexamined romantic bullshit#and being fucking in love with someone like this? someone unattainable? yet who keeps doing shit that fucks with that notion???#it's like. this is psychological torture. i swear to god. he's not and i know he isn't because he's so kind but i STG he's fucking with me#like i stg he knows i like him and is fucking with me to see if i'll take the bait and ruin oir friendship#see if i'm the kind of jack ass to make a move on a man in a relationship#i'm not. so i keep trying my best to be chill. then bro looks me up and down and touches me and it's like WHAT! ARE! YOU! DOING! BRO!!!!!#i'm going to bed man i'm gonna fucking throw up this shit is killing me i'm so serious rn
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Found more really cute images of him
#he's so beautiful i'm gonna throw up#i'm gonna kill everyone who hurt him too. btw#nothing bad can ever happen to the man I adore#i mean if someone physically hurt a loved one of yours really really badly you'd probably feel violent too right? bc I do. seeing that one#man. he makes me so mad. I would NEVER treat my beloved that way. never ever.#(tbf my ship w him is pretty sad but that's not the point. our relationship being lore-accurate does not stave off my purely positive#daydreams !!!!!!!!!! we are kissing and holding hands in my head <3 in the plot too but mostly after a lot of blood and tears. literally.)#(i love making things lore-accurate but this game is too sad fore me bc I love the main character too much :I and bad things constantly#happen to him. of his own will for the most part but I want to save him from his self-destructive tendencies.)#(not even R/ei is super gentle with him. okay thinking about this is making me sad moving on)#mwaaaaaah mwah mwah mwah kissa him#kissa him sooooooooo much <3333333333333333333333333333 he's so pretty I'm going to pass away#img#Phoenix.txt#Gallery#R: Sour Switchblade#(ignore the new f/o tags. I'll do a full tag re-haul later. once I've finished my s/i page)#SI: Don't fear the reaper#for the lore drop. heh.#drugs
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