#i love her so much im gonna throw up
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nemona my absolute beloved
#i love her so much im gonna throw up#and her sygna suit is so perfect aaaaaaaa#nemona#pokemon#nemona pokemon#pokemon sv#pokemon scarlet and violet#pokemon masters#saalts art
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siren
#bakuspecial#cw: nudity#cw: body horror#monster#siren! I think. they're bird to me#I think this has been brewing since that stream mim did of drawing dnd monsters only from official text description#and when the official art for the sirens were shown I was like. oh thats just a woman with wings#lmao like. granted. its an official dnd book available for all audience. you cant make it too Bad To Look At#(I do not agree with this but it wasnt about me. if its about me its gonna be about very few people lmao)#but yeah. after that I got slightly too into the idea of putting more bird into birdwoman#but I also do genuinely love monsters that are Rearranged Human Parts so. I couldnt commit too much to the bird scales Im so sorry#I wanted the fleshiness. the feel. textural experience of holding her hands and being like oh that's a human#even when ur eyes tell u otherwise. mmm#...I looked to my right as I was typing these tags and saw. the fucked up pikmin I tried to sculpt the other day along with the pin#and got startled#its so. its so fucked up. gods. dusty white naked grainy parsnip#I used to have that one doll I butchered wanting to customize in a box next to me and thats way less upsetting than this. man#its perfect actually I will never throw this thing away. anyways#now. now I go to bed. its sleep time for the baku#have a good night lads! you CAN have it both way easily you just need a big bat
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last year i did like. my fav costume based off of if i knew what it was or not so this year i just felt like drawing ones i thought looked cool… rip i was gonna draw the joey ramone one too but i ran out of room,, maybe l8r
#just some (colored) doodles so theyre kinda iffy looking but. whatever#one day in jellos already drawing their wife somebody take this challenge away from me#i didnt know how to not make the one in the right just look like run lola run fanart so. oops.#also im gonna try 2 avoid gijinkas for the most part i just wanted to redraw a screenshot from the movie that i though looked cool and she-#kinda needs hands for that. so.#inktowbew#doodles#homestar runner#h*r#marzipan hsr#marzipan#marzipan homestar runner#im gonna fucking. throw up. oh my go d i love her so much
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now how do i normally go about my day after having read this
#warrior nun#avatrice#warrior nun cast#wn txt#'breath her in' they said and alba understood it to be 'look at her with the most yearning of eyes with a treat of an almost kiss'#alba is fucking insane she almost let her intrusive thoughts win#i owe her my life actually#every acting decision she has made for ava is so crucial and profound to her characterization#im so fucking thankful simon fought for alba as ava#no one can portray her like she does and no one can ever fill she shoes#now back to this unhinged information???? wtf jcndjndjd theyre chemistry is so intense they have to be like 'ok wait chill not yet'#also thinking about that time kty said there was supossed to be another kiss in the last ep#so ur telling me we could have gotten a total of 3 kisses?#im gonna fucking throw up#i love this cast this crew this director this whole team so much#no one can do a show better than them
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Gotta love that we have nearly all the named konoha kunoichi (minus Tsunade, Kurenai, and a few other even more minor kunoichi)
AND YET. the guys still outnumber them.
Still. 5/12 is still way more than we usually get (since it's normally teams of like 1/4 to 1/8 or so)
Wow the female characters ratio in naruto is absolutely atrocious.
#speculation nation#fanny watches naruto#still tho. im happy to see these 5 here. i'll savor the Almost half of the whole group ratio while it's here#of course 4 out of 5 of the girls are on the sealing team bc they have 'better chakra control'#aka 3 of them are medical ninja. and then theres hinata who's a gentle fist user.#naruto even comments on this. says girls must just have better chakra control. then points out that Tenten is Not on the sealing team#bc she is Not as good at it. that girl's a weapons nut. thank you.#i do love this anime so dearly but the misogny in the writing is so continuously vexing.#like better chakra control sounds like a good thing. except then you realize that's because they lack the brute force of the guys#even sakura and tsunade. known for their super strength. it's because of chakra control rather than pure muscle.#and this turns into many of the girls being healers (because it requires chakra control)#which means they end up shoved to the back and out of action Most of the time.#if they do get a moment up front it's very brief and they end up injured.#hinata who became a captive in that crystal. ino who ultimately did very little in the Avenging Asuma plan.#and ykno Tenten is here at least instead of being ignored like she is Most of the time#but her fighting ability is still far too basic. she's on a team with Neji and Lee for gods' sake! the taijutsu freaks!!!!#her entire thing is physical attacks. kenjutsu and shurikenjutsu. why not taijutsu too??!?#bc that would have a girl fighting with her fists rather than just throwing weapons. and we cant have too much of That.#sakura's most of the allotment to that. hinata should be doing that too but she just kinda sucks shit in battle.#shes trying her best but Wowza. kurenai is Not doing a good job at training her.#we have all these female characters but most of them r gonna be busy sealing#and i bet most of the fighting is gonna fall right back on the guys. frustrating.
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nothing sad but i need to bitch and im tired and need to frow up
#someone's eating mcdonalds on the train. oh the guy next to me actually. i really am gonna throw up#anyway killing god for not giving me perfect pitch ig we're just doing some pathetic sight reading today#then again its not like the third lady is much more than pretty much just a continuous bass line but there are Words too and quite Fast#and idk why im so nervous about Not Being 100% prepared if none of these people ever do their fuckin job.#and i love the third lady more than anything but i do think its a bit of a dick move to make me learn the entire second lady part last time#when i literally begged for the third one. and NOW to be like 'you're doing third lady btw. oh and the queen of the night too btw'#and god i WISH it was because of my incredible primadonna assoluta skills and amazing vocal range lmao#but its just because those other teletubbies cannot be fucking trusted to learn their shit :)))))#the first lady is just. the melody obv so its hard to fuck that one up. and the second is the least important lets be honest#why im suddenly jumping to the queen in the finale is beyond me tho and like sure its nice to finally be allowed to sing a soprano part 🤡#but its so stupid. there's zero consideration for our voice types really. also im tired of doing everyone's job#'oh our zerlina didnt learn her part can you cover for her. oh the soprano is sick but we have a spare mezzo#so can you do norma instead of adalgisa today? yes i know you never sang it before. can you cover the cenerentola too next week?'#DO I LOOK LIKE A FUCKING HORSE#and most of all. do i SOUND like im a good fit for ANY of these roles really? 'oh you know idk what they're telling you but to me it sounds#like you're a beautiful lyric coloratura mezzosoprano' NO SUCH THING BUT THANK YOU.#'you're not a mediocre lyric soprano you're a magical unicorn that shits rainbows' this is what you sound like.#its not about my skills its about me knowing all this shit by heart and being willing to be used ig and it's just. god.#im not even getting paid for this 🤡🤡🤡🤡🤡🤡🤡
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A girlie and her uniform variants👍
OH MY GOD Y....YOU DREW THEM ALL.......????????🥹🥹🥹🥹🥹🥹🥹
#miu himawari#sleepy nurse#my sona#art for me#I LOVE THJIS SO MUCH OH MY GOD....................#THE DEDICATION TO DRAW THEM ALL IS INSANE HOW DIDY OU JUST DO THAT#AND FOR ME.......? FOR FREE?????🥹🥹🥹🥹🥹🥹#i wish i could give you all atleast 500€ right now AUGHGHGHHJHJHTUH#IM GONNA CRY /VPOS 🥹🥹🥹💖💖💖#SHE LOOKS SO CUTE IN YOUR STYLE REMINDS ME OF CHIBI#I WANT TO GRAB HER..........AND THROW HER#AUHGHUEHEHG(E()H()H()H()HJ£T()J#THANK YOU SO MUCH I LITERALLY CANT EXPRESS HOW THANKFUL I AM RIGHT NOW#i just woke up from a 10 hour slumber im just....................OUGH#THANK YOU AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA#ASDFGHJKLòàù
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having to budget for food an b careful w food an not having a lot of space to put my food can b pretty annoying but when my roomates are throwing away 3/4 of their groceries that i cannot touch it makes me feel like im going insane
#at least throw away the food ur gonna throw away in a timely manner so i dont have to watch it decompose on the counter for five days#i would jus throw it away for them but like. ive seen my roomate reheat pizza that had been on the counter for literally like 12 hours#so i dont wanna piss them off by accident sfjgsdlfkg#i would ask if theyre making too much when their cooking or whatever#but i have had zero pleasant interactions w these people. an being the fat person in a house full of skinny ppl i just dont feel comfortabl#asking that#so it just. goes to waste#my lease ends in fuckin MAY#incredibly jealous of my friend who has roomates who keep a clean kitchen an give her a designated shelf an spot in the fridge#an take a day out of each week for everyone to cook an eat together like. y couldnt i have had that. cmon man#i would LOVE to cook for them too but they jus . have not been approachable. if theyre even here when im cooking#most of them jus show up fuck up the kitchen leave a perfectly good meal sitting out and then dont show up again until ive gone to bed
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cw post / tags. sorry
i don't even know if i have the words
to express this
she's gone
and its all my fault
#~ . 🥀#half my brain wants to scream to cry to do something#the other half wants to lie here forever and wait til i go numb#im in such a state of shock rn i .m gonna throw up#for context#2 hours ago as of writing this i received news that a loved one committed suicide#i was one of the only people that knew she was severely depressed / suicidal i shouldve seen the signs#i shouldve helped her more or called her or told someone#i was a coward. i couldn't.#and because i willingly did nothing to stop someone from dying#i am compliant. therefore . its my fault shes dead#.#this isnt some story where you can rewrite the ending#this is real life#and now i watched someone i love die and will have to live with the guilt of knowing i couldve done something but chose not to#the worst type of person.#i didnt deserve to be friends with someone like her.#no one did. she was smart and witty and oh so stubborn (affectionate)#we both loved the same bands. i don't know if i can ever listen to those bands the same way again#god i cant think#im actually gonna throw up#this is the 2nd time in my life something like this has happened. 3rd if you count all COD not just suicide#knowing something is wrong with a loved one but being too much of a wuss to tell anyone or help them or do anything useful#god im fucking worthless#my friends and family will vent to me and share their problems with me and ill say i care and tell myself i care#but givenmy behavior i don't think i can ever say i can#idoly standing by while people i love suffer#fuckin pathetic#this was a deliberate choice i made. this is all my fault#this is all my fault
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I feel like such a broken fucking person lol
I talked way too much in the tags don't read them
#fighting off the ideation like my life depends on it!! bc it does!!!#been good about not thinking certain phrases but F U C K am i feeling it. i want to turn into a pile of dust#i am so desperately trying to work on myself and change my patterns and bad habits and perspective but it feels like i always fall short#i try not to talk about it online but I'm just. having a very hard day with N because we experience our feelings in different ways#i isolate myself bc i struggle with regulating my reactions and tones when im having an episode but she needs me to talk through things and#i sometimes just. can't. bc I'm not done experiencing the negativity and am not in a place to have a productive convo bc shame spirals etc#we just spent a long time talking and being patient and i thought i was understanding and explaining myself well but i just. idk.#i don't know how to explain that of course i love her even if I'm isolating myself. of course i love her although I'm nonverbal today. i jus#t can't *make* myself talk when I'm like this i don't want to be nonverbal i don't want to isolate i don't want to be a distant partner i do#n't want to fall back into these patterns related to my grief i want to be better i am trying to be better i am working so fucking hard on#being better. i just feel so defeated bc this all spiraled from me not wanting to decide what to get for lunch n using a poor tone about it#I'm about to talk with her some more but I just. kinda don't want to exist right now. fuck dude. it feels so fucking awful when i upset her#like i love her so much she is so important to me and it breaks my heart that our entire day is shot bc i was tired and cranky#i just don't understand how that equates to me not loving her bc she is my whole world dude. I'm going to throw up#i also don't know how to explain to her that scrolling on tumblr is comfortable to me I'm not ignoring her it's just the SM that i scroll on#like we're hanging out watching tv together I'm gonna scroll a little bit. it's just not insta or anything#idk my mind is scrambled I'm crying I just want to be a better person who can calmly communicate my thoughts and emotions#today has just beat my fucking ass dude. i isolate so those feelings don't get translated into my interactions with others#i don't even know what i typed in these tags I just don't want to off myself or think about it I'm fighting myself so much 2day#rAMbles
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Me for the last two weeks: I gotta clean my fucking room before Christmas
Me every day for the past two weeks: not today. I got time
#marquilla#i just give up shgdgdgd#no one is MAKING me clean it by then it's just my aunt and her judgy ass family are coming over and just the off chance#of them seeing my room and how cramped it is bc my bed takes up so much room it stresses me out man#i have a laundry basket ive been digging out of all week on the floor. TWO of those tiered supply carts (i have 3 but one is in the kitchen#bc it holds my art shit and i work at the table when i paint) anyway FULL OF SHIT#easter bucket with peeps i refuse to throw away bc hey i MIGHT want them! maybe!!#it took me til October to throw away last years Christmas candy im not even joking#next to my bed is my nest (and supply cart) got my bed nest. and my food stash#rn it's: cheerios. corn chips. cookies i really loved last year and cannot stomach this year. bread. and usually cake#unless i ate it already#ANYWAY im tired and i have no energy and im gonna blame it on compounding stress/grief + fibro + cfs and im gonna.#add in passing kidney stones bc well we just dont know if im all done :)#me to anyone who will listen: WANNA SEE MY STONE?!
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I'm very much a, "fuck yeah and fuck you, I don't need validation! I'm me, cunts!" kinda fella, but sometimes I could use support.
#today i fucked up by reactivating my fb account which i haven't done in 2 yrs just to check on some folks id been sending good thought to#place is depressing everyone is miserable and everything feels fake and my mind is like#LOL this is why we left bitch byeeee#so i deactivated again went to work and idc what anyone says there are folks like me that can and do feel the energy and emotions coming of#people and it can fucking suck especially when so many are disregulated so i got a sensory overload and boss was nice enough to let me take#a bunch of breaks today and even scream in her office cause She Gets It (TM)#the weather is rainy and cold i'm getting so many fibro flares idk how i'm moving anymore#ive missed so many days of work already and it's not even fully winter yet i still have my job and im thankful i have an understanding team#but that doesnt pay the bills im still trying to find a way to pay for that doctor appointment coming up#graduate courses began for college and i think i'm gonna be okay but damn did they throw too much info all at once at me and that made#my adhd brain go WELL SHIT#ive been feeling incredibly lonely and not wanted in so many spaces that im struggling to even communicate with the few that i know do#love me for me and nothing else im trying so so so hard to keep being there for people and to keep loving#people that need it cause i don't ever want another human being to ever feel as miserable and unwanted as i have felt#but im also tired because i feel like thats all anyone ever sees me as just this being that can take their woes away and make them feel#amazing and i love that i can do that and listen to so many traumatic stories and help folks process that trauma my boss and many throughou#life have told me i have a gift for healing people and a vibe to me thats different than most and it feels good being around me but today i#just felt like people keep taking and taking and taking and i dont expect anything back thats not who i am id rather give than receive#but damn it i just wish someone could just give me the biggest hug in the world dont even have to say a thing just hold me and be present#and hold space for me to just feel weightless id cherish that more than anything in the world right now#on a positive note...#my dinosaur vo stuff got traction im getting a new cosplay put together i havent done that in 4 years i got to pet a wild deer i made#a coworker laugh so hard his juice went out his nose and my boss peed a little#im slowly taming another wild flock of turkeys and i got a bag of my favorite takis the guacamole flavor#i got a lot to be thankful for and i acknowledge it#but damn it im tired#thank you for coming to my Ted Talk rant and rave#if you made it this far: you're an incredible human being and i love you#please go treat yo self to something nice and know i love you for you
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i think i hauve covid
#wot read#guys i cant actually describe this hug. It goes on for like 4 minutes and they cant stop touching each other#WHY ARE YOU TOUCHING EACH OTHER SO MUCH. IT'S NOT A NORMAL AMOUNT OF TOUCHIGN#the way he's literally cryyinnnnggggg im gonna throw up on everyone#i actually do think rand is straight but he does love mat and mat is in love with him. So#nothing has since disproved me of this. no i will not read book 5.#also im sorry for what i said i actually think since ep 4/5 this season has gotten pretty good. things are picking up#i LOVVVEEEEEEEE what theyre doing with moiraine now that she isnt having a depression arc with lan her sister stuff ROCKS so fucking hard
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aaaaaaand it's starting. mom's bestie just texted me asking to come over this weekend cause it's Bad and it's probably the last chance to talk and maybe say goodbye to my mom's husband and i need to take care of her. god. i wont get through this weekend unless im high or drunk istg.
#time to slightly overdose my depression meds again ig lol#anyway. it is a little better with me these last two weeks. turns out the meds do work when you actually take em regularly#but first my best friend's break up that she's blowing up to unimaginable size#acting as if she just got divorced with the love of her life after 20 years#and not ended a few months long relationship with a guy who's been the source of most of her troubles since the moment they started dating#(ofc she's valid and id never tell her that because like. i get it. some people feel stuff more deeply. but its hard to be supportive#when you genuinely feel like this is the best possible outcome for her and that the relationship was only dragging her down all this time)#and now this. and this is gonna be infinitely worse. and then it's gonna get a million times worse when he actually does die.#and i feel like the worst most selfish person ever which like. probably am. but i did tell my cousin who actually knows my mom really well#and she said she understands and that my fears ARE valid because SHE'S terrified of how she's gonna handle my mom#and she wouldn't wanna be me in that situation cause it's gonna be so much worse for me lmao#like i feel like people who know my mother casually really dont understand just how unhinged emotionally she is#anyway. i feel so overwhelmed. i cant handle this jesus.#but im also emotionally unavailable and refuse to actually confide in another person because i dont want to be a bother <3333#god i love tumblr. i can literally type anything in those tags lol it's the perfect form of venting since you can just scroll by#but i will still have let it out of myself anyway uwu i literally dont need that therapy fr#anyway. i feel so unbelievably fucking lonely and on one hand it's my own fault for withdrawing and refusing to ask for help.#but on the other hand. i AM alone. like there's no one who can help me in this particular situation.#i have no siblings. obviously my dad isnt gonna help. it all falls down to me. good god. i wanna throw up.
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holy shit im so mad.
!!!SPOILERS FOR SEE YOU IN MY 19TH LIFE KDRAMA AND WEBTOON!!!
(disclaimer-sorry if any of the characters names are spelt wrong or need a hyphen, i get things confused between the kdrama and webtoon)
i read the webtoon way before the kdrama came out and i am still, to this day, so emotionally attached to it like, its one of the most amazing things ive read and i still cry when i think about it too much.
so, imagine my excitement when i find out its getting a kdrama and my absolute dissapointment when i find out that they changed literally everything (this is an exaragation) that made the webtoon so amazing.
when the show came out i was basically begging my sister to watch it with me (since she hasnt read the webtoon) and we are currently seven episodes in because we had to go on holidays however, we will continue watching it (even though i spent a good hour and a half contemplating whether or not i would actually be able to watch it without combusting after i read what they changed) until the end.
so, like the the overly anxious person i am, i searched up the ending just to make sure they hadnt changed anything else apart from min-gi's character and adding han-na (who we will discuss later) and proceeded to rip my hair out after reading that they made the female lead LOSE ALL OF HER MEMORIES ABOUT EVERYONE SHE LOVED.
but before we get into that i want to talk about the things they actually did well, for example, the cinematography, casting and scenery were actually so amazing and its definitely so much better than the webtoon (however the webtoon does still have a special place in my heart) and i think possibly the only good plot change they did was make han-na the reincarnation of seo-ha's mother. as someone who despises sad/bittersweet stuff i love that they made his mother reincarnate and keep her memories even if he doesnt meet her (which i dont know if he does because im only on episode seven) because its so sweet to think that she got a chance to see her son all (sort of) happy and grown up. i also love the fact that they added more depth to her past lives and showed up more scenes of them as, in the webtoon, im pretty sure the only things we got that related to her past lives were- her and min-gi's friendship, her and doyun's 'relationship' in her first life and her being ae-kyung's uncle.
now, onto the things im sad they didnt keep in but that i could deal with, which is mostly min-gi's character as a whole and the convinience store scene with ji-eum and min-gi where they recognise each other from their past lives (which im assuming they dont do since they changed his whole character). apparently, in the kdrama, min-gi and ji-eum used to be rivals/enemies in their past life or whatever so he decides to like hunt her down and basically stalk her😭😭 and then proceed to tell her that she needs to stop speaking and being around people from her past life because it hurts them (something i will talk-type?-about in a bit).
the reason why im so mad at this is because they straight just basically made him antagonistic instead of HAVING HIM AND JI-EUM BE FRIENDS IN THEIR PAST LIVES AND HAVING HIM SAY THEIR LITTLE SECRET MESSAGE AND HER BEING LIKE 'omg someone actually remembers their past life other than me?' AND THEN HIM JUST TRYING TO HELP HER NOT REMEMBER HER PAST LIVES ANYMORE BUT BEING A LITTLE BIT MISGUIDED BUT THEN THEIR STILL FRIENDS AND THEY TALK ABOUT IT 😖😖😖. like, they just ruined his character potential so much my changing that and adding the stupid motherfucking thing about how interacting with people from your past lifes hurts them.
finally, the things i hate, buckle up folks because this is going to be as long as my dick/j. first of all, the ending and THE STUPID 'YOU CANT INTERACT WITH YOUR PAST LIVES' BULLSHIT. i think the ending and the knowing about past lives hurts people is just absolute boiling garbage because 1-it just doesnt make sense 2-it doesnt make ANY fucking sense and 3-why the fuck does she need to forget but the people from her past lives dont forget who she was as ji-eum and as her past lives??? like i would rather they all forget but they're still happy and her and seo-ha are still dating/married and they're all still close but whatever. second, the whole fucking plot change like they apparently made this whole thing that made ji-eum think seo-ha murdered her sister for some fucking angst instead of the perfectly reasonable (and just as dramatic) thing with doyun where she thinks they were married so she distances herself from seo-ha but it turns out they were sisters and her and seo-ha still get to be happy AND THE WHOLE THING ABOUT THE DEAL WITH GOD (which also relates to the ending) BECAUSE IN THE END SHE ASKS GOD TO MAKE HER STOP REMEMBERING HER PAST LIVES AND SHE GRADUALLY STARTS TO FORGET THEM BUT SHE STILL KNEW SHE HAD HAD PAST LIVES AND SHE STILL REMEMBERED EVERYONE SHE CARED OUT AND THEN (if i remember correctly) SEO-HA REFUSES GOD'S OFFER TO REMEBER HIS PAST LIVES BECAUSE HE DOESNT WANNA HAVE ANY OTHER LOVE APART FROM HIS AND JI-EUM'S😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭(not sure if thats what he actually says but you get the gist) AND THEN THEY GET MARRIED AND LIVE HAPPILY EVER AFTER INSTEAD OF HER FORGETTING LITERALLY EVERYTHING AND EVERYONE SHE EVER CARED ABOUT AND HAVING TO REBUILD HER RELATIONSHIPS WAAAAAAAAA I LOVE THEM SO MUCH
THEY ARE EVERYTHING TO ME.
in conclusion, the see you in my 19th life kdrama was absolute trash and i think they should remake it. In this essay i will
#see you in my 19th life#crying screaming throwing up#i love them so much they are my life source you dont get it#petition to remake the kdrama RN‼️‼️‼️#rip my sister after listening to me rant about this for the 18462754th time#but im seriously gonna make her read the webtoon#and if she likes the kdrama more i will gut her/j#kdrama#rant#rambles
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Holding my boyfriend down in the dirt while its raining and dripping rain water off my hair and into his eyes and mouth while making him say over and over please dont kill me please dont kill me
#Yakuza loveblog#feels unethical but its fine he'll be fine he loves being brutally axe murdered in the woods alone at night#luka is curled up so compactly that i accidentally rested both my feet on her and didnt even realise it was her#i was just like whys there a hairy footrest by the bed ...... and she didnt even move or nothing .. .girl you can say no#wish i had long hair so that it could get into both our mouths while im wrestling kiryu need long hair so he has something to grab when hes#trying to pull me off his body like a tick and just like a tick i leave my decapitated head and teeth stuck on his skin#i know its just playing a game but it really feels weird that hes letting me kill him ... throw some punches lover... dont just lie there#... hee hee . just kidding its cute .. now how do i tell him ... how much i like him.... hee hee#hey can we go into the woods to talk ... and then i start firing my gun at him and laughing hysterically and i chase him until he feels#like hes gonna cough up his lungs hee hee dont be scared hee hee ... he didnt even fight back hes so cute... he just let me scare him into#submission ... he wouldnt even stand up when i told him to ... now im sitting on himm should i do it should i go in for the kissy#im sure out there theres a universe where i kill him and another where he kills me .. hee hee ... well i dont know what he does with my#body but i know what i do with his .. i have s
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