#i love having Brain Diseases. very cool

[sedgwickpdf]

someone showed up late to zumba chewing gum and i scratched myself so hard i bled and had to leave class halfway through. lol

[bacchuschucklefuck]

[todayisafridaynight]

YEA U CAN CALL ME MAS it feels like it could also be short for masato which is the highest honour honestly. shit. damn. im so glad to find ppl who Get him and how unreasonably frustrating and a massive betrayal it was to kill him off 🙃 ANYWAY HI IM ALSO SEASIAN ???!!!!?!!?! UR THE BLOG OF EVER

I DIDN'T EVEN REGISTER IT COULD BE SHORT FOR MASATOJALJKL well there you go MAS welcome to the fam 😌

ALSO SEASIAN GANG RISE UP 🗣️🗣️🗣️

[tyunni]

┈➤ I LIKE YOU SO MUCH!!! (when ENHYPEN like you...)

enhypen masterlist | library

genre: fluff, fluff, fluff! warnings: i'm not sure if any specific gender is mentioned but keep in mind i do tend to usually write fem!reader, enha r kinda losers, mentions of being drunk in jakes part, isnt proofread so if you see any mistakes.... oh well! wc: 2.6k+

a/n: good lord, i haven't written anything in MONTHS so i'm a bit rusty 😭 i started writing maknae line first im p sure you can tell i put more effort in them and then i started getting tired, sorry😭😭😭

☆ — LEE HEESEUNG

who would've thought the cool, the chill, the awesome lee heeseung would end up being such a loser. a lovestruck, foolishly in love loser.

your fingers lightly grazed his hand when you walked past him in the hallway today, a touch that lasted a mere second, yet heeseung's heart exploded, and so did his friends' group chat when he boasted about your interaction like you had just asked his hand in marriage. he knows being lovesick is lame, but so what?! he can't help that he melts into a pink puddle of adoration whenever you make small talk, or when he closes his eyes an image of you pops into his head and makes his palms feel sweaty. yes, he feels his knees go weak at the mere mention of your name, and he's willing to endure his younger friends teasing him every time they spot you hanging out with your own group of friends.

so what if you're the only thing on his mind every second of his day. it's completely normal to make playlists for your crush, giggle, and roll around in your bed when you let the lyrics sink in and fill your head with the thoughts of the one you desire.

it's also totally normal of him to write down little compliments on a piece of paper and put them on your desk when you're not looking. he giggles like a little girl when you open the note and read not even a third fraction of what heeseung truly thinks of you and wishes to tell you one day. his smile grows wider when you finally read the initials written on the note, LHS, and you look over to his desk with your cheeks dusted pink, widened eyes looking into heeseung's.

(rest of the members under the cut!!)

☆ — PARK JONGSEONG

jay is very fond of you, he accepted that quite quickly. you're cute. he likes cute stuff, that's something new he has discovered since he started to fancy you.

"jay, are you serious?" - riki turned towards the older with a blank face, tired of his friends new shopping addiction, - "you have like 4 hello kitty stuffed toys in your bedroom, you don't need another one."

ah, innocent, naive riki. he doesn't know having a crush makes one forget about any form of rationality and make every decision without giving it another thought. jay is the number one victim of the 'everything reminds me of them' disease, he feels every wrinkle of his brain smoothen whenever he thinks of you, so it's not a surprise that he can't control his hand as he swipes his credit card and buys himself another plushie with a lovestruck grin on his face.

"are you even listening to me?" - the younger complains, jabbing jay's arm with his elbow to get at least a little reaction out of him. if anything else but you were on jay's mind this would've worked and he would've scolded riki by now, talking his ear off about how annoying he is, clicking his tongue and rolling his eyes at his childishness. but it doesn't work.

"you're such a cheeseball, y/n has made you soft, jay, she's ruining you!"

but riki's words fall on deaf ears the second jay's eyes land on another cute stuffed animal that had reminded him of you as he grabs his friend's arm roughly and drags him into yet another store.

☆ — SIM JAEYUN

oh, he's down bad. jake would do anything for you. yes, even walking all the way from his house to the party you were at just to pick you up and walk you home, making sure you reach your house safely.

you called him in the middle of the night, the buzzing of his phone waking jake up. he groaned at the brightness of his screen flashing his newly opened eyes, yet at the sight of your name he rubbed the sleepiness off them, quickly picking up your call.

"jake, i'm drunk!"

and that's all it took for him to jump out of his bed and run towards his destination. surely enough you were waiting outside for him, a big smile growing on your face at the sight of him.

sure, he was extremely tired and out of breath, his voice was still groggy from waking up around 10 minutes ago, the cold, chilly night yet to have its effect on him and wake him up completely, yet he still let you ride on his back when you started complaining about how your heels hurt your feet.

you had been talking to him about something, even though you had no idea what you were saying with the way your words were slurred, your voice muffled by his jacket. jake was nodding his head, humming after a few sentences to make sure you knew he was listening, even though he didn't know what he was listening to. you started off by talking about the party, and somewhere along the way you got lost in your own words and so did jake. his soft hums and the steady rhythm of his feet lulled you to sleep, and when he felt your eyelashes close against the nape of his neck, your breath falling onto his skin as your cheek rested further upon his shoulder is when he finally let out a breathy laugh, shaking his head, stopping in his tracks to close his eyes and think to himself:

"fuck, i love her, don't i?"

☆ — PARK SUNGHOON

sunghoon is desperately in love with you. he can't help it, butterflies swarm his stomach when he thinks about you, a sheepish grin makes its way onto his features when you talk to him, his eyes dart across your face every chance he gets so he can burn every second spent with you right into his memory.

"sunghoon, do you think this looks good or should i try on the blue sweater?"

to be completely honest, even if you wore a trash bag he'd think you looked gorgeous, and he hadn't been paying attention to any outfit you had shown him so far, your smile which grew wider with each compliment he gave you the only thing on his mind.

"you look beautiful, y/n."

"oh, come on, sunghoon! you've been telling me this about every outfit!" - you groan, yet a grin is still plastered on your face at his sweet words, "you have to help me!"

sunghoon tries, he really tries to hold himself back. his teeth sink into his tongue in hopes of biting back the words that were about to slip out, yet they still do. and so does his little secret.

"it's not my fault i'm in love with you!"

☆ — KIM SUNOO

sunoo is a sweet guy. everyone likes him: the teachers, the students, his friends, and complete strangers. his smile is contagious, his face is soft and beautiful, his eyes crinkle up when he smiles, and he's kind, helpful, friendly. who wouldn't like him? well, you, apparently.

it's not that he's intrigued by your cold attitude towards him, he's simply determined to make you like him just like everyone else. it's quite difficult to get to know you though, you don't speak to anyone except a select few. if your friends don't come to school you usually sit alone, either mindlessly scribbling in your notebook, or sleeping. you always have that look on your face. one of pure boredom, uninterest, that "why are you even talking to me" face.

sunoo thinks it's stupid. how could you not be thrilled to talk to the people around you? how is it even possible to not want to get to know everyone, to grow your circle, have new people to talk to and share experiences with.

you know who sunoo is. everyone knows who sunoo is. when he walks past you down the hallway he's always waving at someone, stopping in his tracks a few times to have a little small talk, then quickly picking up his pace once the bell rings so he gets to make it in time for class. it doesn't matter if he's late though, the teachers adore him like he's their own son, and he hasn't gotten a single second of detention. sunoo has the sunshine privilege. that's unfair. you don't like when things are unfair. you don't like the sunshine privilege. you don't like sunoo.

so you avoid him.

but he somehow still finds his way back to you.

"she totally hates you, dude, get over it," - sunghoon groans, shoving another loaf of bread into his mouth, and threatening to shove some into sunoo's mouth so he stops talking about you for the fifth time today.

"but why?! i didn't even do anything to her, i tried talking to her every single day since she moved here, i'm nice, i'm helpful, i'm a great guy, what am i doing wrong?!" - the younger boy whines into his palms, head buried in his hands, trying to come up with a way to win you over.

one of his other friends chimes into the conversation, taking a seat in between his friends and playfully wrapping his arm around sunoo, - "it's okay, man, there must be a way to get your little crush to like you!"

sunoo whips his head towards the boy, eyebrows furrowed so deeply that you'd think they'd merge into one another any second. - "heeseung, it's not a crush!"

sunghoon chuckles at his oblivious friend, - "is too!"

"... is it?"

you are kinda cute. your attitude, although not sunoo's style, makes you look even more adorable. you have pretty lips too, although you're always frowning. he thinks you'd look better with the corners of your lips turned upwards though. he wants to see you smile. he wants to make you smile. he wants to make you his.

☆ — YANG JUNGWON

jungwon thinks he's a pretty chill guy. he's always been levelheaded. most of the time he's the only levelheaded person in the room, to be completely honest. he knows what to say and when to say it. although he resembles a cat, the saying "cat got your tongue" had never applied to him. so why is he standing in front of you, his crush, ready to have his very first conversation with you, without a single word coming out of his mouth?

"oh, hey! jungwon, right?" - you ask, sending a soft smile his way.

you know his name. you know his name. you know his name.

"huh? yeah... i'm jungwon. um..." - his confident smile fades instantly when it really sinks in that he has no idea what to say to you. he always knows what to say, how could this happen to him?! this is ridiculous. if he weren't standing in front of you right now he'd slap himself in hopes of rattling his brain somehow.

your eyebrows furrow at the awkward silence taking over, - "do you need anything, jungwon?"

his name falls past your lips so gracefully that if hearing you say his name followed with the three words he wants to say to you the most means he must sell his every worldly possession, he will. but he can't tell you that. he can't tell you how pretty your eyes are either, he can't tell you that he wants to hold your hand, or wrap his arms around you and keep you in his warm embrace for a little while. or how he wants to bury his head in the crook of your neck and bask in your warmth, or that you're the most beautiful person he has ever laid his eyes on and it'd be an honor to take you out on a date. yeah, he definitely can't say that.

"you're the most beautiful person i've ever laid my eyes on, it'd be an honor to take you out on a date..."

it's over. he's a goner.

the way you twiddle with your fingers at his confession goes completely unnoticed despite his big round eyes growing wider at his own words. he's too far gone to see how a warm smile had made its way onto your face.

"sure, i'd love to!"

it's not over. in fact, it's just getting started.

☆ — NISHIMURA RIKI

riki is quite good at hiding his crush on you, considering how the overwhelming feelings have such a weight to them that he's sure his heart doubles at the mere mention of your name to make room for the intense emotions that'll start kicking in. you two aren't dating, although he wishes you were, and you're most definitely not best friends. he knows you, you know him, you think he's nice, he thinks about you every second of every day, y'know, the usual...

"riki, hey!" - you push through the crowd of students walking around a narrow hallway that could only be described as a jar filled to the brim with tiny little ants, very studious one's at that!

his friends' heads immediately turn your way. a girl, talking to riki?! although their eyes don't stay glued on you for too long, they quickly glance at riki. the sight was hilarious, his long fingers were brushing through his disheveled hair, free hand tugging at the hem of his hoodie to smoothen out any wrinkles. there's a soft tint of pink spread across his cheeks, nothing too noticeable, although the burning red glow of his ears was far from discreet.

"y/n, hey!" - he grins, the hand combing through his hair now scratching the nape of his neck to try and play it cool... very smooth! a muffled laugh escapes from one of his friend's shut lips as their orbs dart between the boy and you.

you reach into your pocket, rummaging through the various things you keep inside. crackling of your house keys and noises of crumpled-up paper can be heard before you take out something. riki's eyes try their best to tear away from your mesmerizing features so he can see what you're trying to show him with your arm stretched towards him and a big grin on your face. he notices a little something lying on your palm. it's a duck keychain. if you were any other person he'd look at the item in your hand with a disgusted look on his face, eyebrows knitted together, eyes squinting in pure horror. but you're you. you're the love of his life. that's probably why riki can feel his heart thumping against his ribcage, a stupid smile tugging at the corners of his lips as he tries his best to fight it off, yet the inevitable happens.

"take it, it's a gift! i saw it on the way to school and it reminded me of you!"

he quickly takes the keychain from your palm, ensuring his fingers stray as far away from yours as possible. even the slightest bit of physical contact and he feels his heart will explode for good. he mumbles out a thank you before you turn on your heels and walk away, completely oblivious that the butterflies in his stomach now make their way towards his throat, making him swallow dry.

"hey, riki, what's that?" - jungwon nudges him with his elbow, eyeing the item riki's holding between his fingers. a smile makes its way onto jungwon's lips as he glances up at his friend who's currently grinning from one red ear to another, rosy cheeks like pink buttons on a sweater made with love and care.

"i thought you hated ducks," - sunoo adds, sly hands reaching towards the keychain to try and pry it out of riki's hands, but instead the tall boy clutches harder onto the item, bringing it to his chest.

"well i like this one!" - he adds, furrowing his eyebrows and glaring at his nosy friend.

riki never knew he could like ducks this much.

©tyunni please don't copy, translate or repost any of my work!

taglist: @geombyu @junityy @uygmoeb @sunghun @eternallyhyucks @pshjae @marknaeroni @feyregels @neos127 @koishua @echo-of-a-writer @w3bqrl @duolingofanaccount @goldenhypen @sungniverse @hittoki @acciomylove @soobin-chois @anik-4 @yjwfav @ja4hyvn @ddeonubaby @deafeningballoonnacho @squiishymeow @odxrilove @iyeonjuni @nyaforniki @kittyeji @pinkyyyujin @addictedtothesummernights @love-4-keum @luveill @enhastolemyheart @kpop-kitkat @kageyama-i-want-tobiors @str4b3rizz @solvgume @nishislcve (bold means i can’t mention you, if you want to be a part of my taglist fill this out!!)

[chrisairgames]

When in Rome

Right, so I write for Mothership RPG, yeah?

It was basically a professional obligation for me to go see Alien: Romulus on its opening weekend.

Short review: Cool. Though I wish directors would make a new alien horror movie instead of new Alien movies.

Lemme tell ya, I might have designer brain disease, but this movie really is a series of problems for a sci-fi adventure, haha. My favorite thing about this movie was the smart, player-skill level problem solving the characters came up with. I was actually impressed. The film made me want to put my friends through the same ringer, and write up a similar scenario.

So I did.

When in Rome is a 20pg Mothership RPG adventure module with two player handouts, obviously heavily inspired by Alien: Romulus. I started last weekend, and released it yesterday. (What’s wrong with me, right?). That is: writing, playtesting, Mothership 3pp approval, peer review (thanks Josh Domanski, Christian Sorrell, Iko and Allen Hall!), hiring Brandon Yu “Chaoclypse” for the sick art, revising and putting into layout.

So yeah, this module is basically an adaptation of the film, but it does have some very notable (read: legally distinct) differences.

It's free for the next five hours, and I would love to hear what you think, and how your PCs fare on Caesar/Augustus.

Click here to download the module on itch.io. Note that I’m still working on the plaintext file and VTT asset updates. I would love to hear what you think, and how your players’ crews fare on Caesar/Augustus.

Good luck.

[mourningsbane]

Okay this blog and the story has been circulating slowly in my head for days now and I feel like tossing out a theory because I never theorize but here I am

So. Tanglefern’s greatest mistake. I believe that he may have poisoned Honeyspring in some way. If not a direct poisoning, he was at the very least aware of and partially involved in Honeyspring’s rapid death. But I also think he was not aware she was pregnant. I do not know if the kits were not quite right because they were too early in development, some kind of curse stuff, or because of the poison/illness. Either way, it seems Tanglefern wished them no ill will due to the intense despair he felt when the crude surgery (is it surgery if on a corpse?) failed. Another note; I’m not fully sure Tanglefern meant for/wanted them to die. ‘There’s nothing more I can do for you’. And it seems very heavily implied that Rootstar ordered the c-section, which is where the ‘no respect for the dead!’ Line comes in from Bearface. Along with this, I’m like 99% sure Honeyspring and Flaildrizzle were in a romantic relationship and were planning to raise those kits together. Honeyspring looked so soft in her dream, maybe they were trying to look less spooky as to not scare Flaildrizzle?

I do not believe Honeyspring is ‘evil’. She is scared and oh so alone, and is lashing out because of it. She just wants help, as I believe that is what the messed up mouse is huffing at Tanglefern, and potentially Sweetkit too. Tanglefern even wonders why StarClan won’t take them, implying that in life she never did anything evil enough to warrant going to kitty cat hell. At least, not that Tanglefern would know. And, seeing how their mere presence is warping the prey, I think she could have killed Sweetkit if she wanted, but they didn’t.

A very out-there theory is that Honeyspring may have been kept from StarClan because of the rage fuelling the end of her life (towards Tanglefern?). In my opinion, she seems aware that her death wasn’t natural. Their first headshot reference says ‘I will never forgive you’ which I believe is specifically aimed at whoever orchestrated or at least played a part in her death. Her second reference says kind with a question mark in brackets, which means they were at the very least kind in life. Not being able to communicate with anyone, those who see her being terrified, not being allowed into StarClan, they must all tear at their mind and likely their overall stability. I honestly don’t think she’s as malicious as we seem to be getting led to believe.

This may also be me grasping at straws but with the ‘there’s something underneath the ground’ and the description of her disease-reeking blood seeping into the dirt floor I wonder if that’s something. Definitely not I’m reaching but meh it’s fun.

Finally, I’m not fully sure that, whatever Tanglefern’s involvement was, he intended for them to die. ‘Distantly, some raw part of him, carbed open like the body before him, realized it was all for nothing’ now while it’s likely this is just in reference to the c-section, I feel this could also be the fact Honeyspring died and may not have been meant to. There was some kind of plan, I’m just not sure what it was’

Basically a summary I believe Tanglefern had an influence in Honeyspring’s sudden demise but was not aware of the kits, Bearface was NOT happy about the c-section, Flaildrizzle and Honeyspring were a couple and going to raise those kits, Honeyspring wasn’t evil in life but is now losing stability due to being so isolated, and Tanglefern may not have intended Honeyspring to die. I may be super off I am not good at theories and it is very late. But hey. All in good fun.

Anyways giving Honeyspring a big hug I love them and she is spinning around in my brain like a rotisserie chicken 24/7

also omg sorry this got so long i got lowkey rambly here but my brain is going whir because oh my god this is so cool-

Worry not, I do not mind receiving long post! I, too, tend to get rambly when talking about things, so I certainly don't blame you. Plus, I love reading theories! It gives me insight into what people think, and I don't want any lore elements to feel like they came out of nowhere! <3

As for your theories, you are very close! Tanglefern gave Honeyspring Mourningsbane instead of Clottingroot when treating the injury on her hind leg.

Honeyspring and Flaildrizzle were mates, and you're right that Honeyspring tried to look "softer". The time is soon, and Honeyspring didn't want to startle her. Honeyspring is weak and intangible at the moment, but not for long. And you're on the right track with her "disease-reeking blood seeping into the dirt floor"; her rotting body taints the very soil.

I agree that Honeyspring is not a villain in the stereotypical sense! She was very well-liked in life, and had a lot going for her! I would say that she's both a victim and a perpetrator.

[monsterblogging]

So, it finally clicked that while the average person does in fact broadly comprehend that people are neither good nor evil - they're good and bad, and have free will - they also can't understand why some people would fully commit themselves to completely awful causes or to being a terrible person throughout their entire lives. They can't really picture how this works, because they can't imagine themselves choosing to die on a hill of Being A Terrible Person.

This void in their comprehension is where the myth of the Ontologically Evil Person is very likely to come and settle in sooner or later, because it seems to finally provide an answer that makes sense of otherwise senseless cruelty and violence. Agonizing questions like "Why would my boyfriend spend so much energy on making me feel like shit and breaking me down?" "Why would this historical figure decided to kill all of these people?" and "Why would this guy go start a cult and murder everyone?" are finally given an answer, and the formerly-bewildered person finally has some peace of mind.

Because of this, the myth of the Ontologically Evil Person is incredibly hard to get out of people's minds once it takes root. For one thing, bad ideas are like bad habits; it doesn't really work to tell people to Just Stop With Them, because without something else to take its place? They're going to fall back on it.

And if somebody's been traumatized from abuse? The last thing they want to hear is that they're basically dehumanizing their abuser and that's not cool, because it feels to them like the other person is taking their abuser's side and telling them to get fucked. Even if this not what's happening, the survivor's brain is currently operating on fight/flight/fawn/freeze mode, and a brain operating fight/flight/freeze/fawn mode is keyed to making snap decisions to try and remove you from the danger as soon as possible, which means categorizing everything into black and white. This person couldn't care less about the history of eugenics right now; literally all they care about is being safe.

"Okay, so if the Ontologically Evil Person doesn't exist, how the hell do you explain those fuckers over there?" some of you are probably asking.

Here's the deal. Literally every human being alive can and will do terrible things if they're sufficiently scared and desperate. They're in no position to appreciate that nearly all asshole behavior can be explained by a lack of critical social and self-management skills, or by a lack of access to self-improvement (including being too traumatized to trust means of self-improvement).

People who are scared, insecure, and under high levels of stress will often cling to anything that makes them feel better, because they want to feel safe and secure and not in psychological and/or physical agony. (Stress does an absolute number on your body, too.)

Being reliant on a shitty behavior, belief system, or product for some measure of feeling secure and safe is how you get people saying things like "If I didn't act mean, everyone would just walk all over me!" or "I was really depressed before I found this, so if I gave it up I'm going to get depressed again, and I might hurt myself." (And there might be some truth to this one! This might indeed happen if they give it up cold turkey, and without finding an alternative!) It's how you get people conducting """scientific""" studies to """prove""" that their bigotry is totally justified and not at all irrational. ("Well of course these people are genetically inferior, they wouldn't be poor and disease-ridden if they weren't... what do you mean, systemic inequality and uneven healthcare access? No that's obviously fake and made up by More Bad People.")

People also act in unhealthy ways to deal with personal insecurities implanted by parents or society. You have people out there whose parents drummed it into their heads that second place was for worthless losers, or that no one would love them if they didn't look or act a certain way. You have people who absorbed the idea that acknowledging the basic humanity of shitty people means that they have to forgive them and personally help them get better and just suffer through the abuse in the meantime.

This is how people choose to die on the hill of Being A Terrible Person. They weren't ontologically evil. They were scared, and they thought they saw a fortress on the top of that hill that would keep them (and perhaps also their loved ones) safe.

[lambilegs]

♡ *ੈ✩‧₊˚ ♡

♡ *ੈ✩‧₊˚ ♡

modern!au lee harker headcanons (part two)

finds those asmr vids like get ready for me before bed really relaxing and sometimes listens to them when she's tossing and turning

she does extensive research on her autism all the time LMAOOO

same with if she catches a cold and has some physical symptom -- she'll sink into a wormhole of diseases and get so nervous :((

organizes spotify playlists through blunt genre titles lol (ex. "pop," "indie," eventually caves and makes a playlist for you that's just your name)

she secretly listens to pinkpantheress and charli xcx

always has the sound block setting on her airpods/earphones

definitely listens to podcasts on her drives, which are usually about international ongoings, history, mythology or folklore. I feel like she might also be into psychology/sociology podcasts, esp when she wants to do some research/reflection on smth regarding herself (mommy issues)

is extremely perceptive and good at detecting scams in her DMs, and sometimes tries to take it into her own hands and investigate who's doing it 😭😭

online shops to death. she fucking hates malls LMAOOOO

secretly loves those apps where you can raise a little pet and take care of it + its growth through games

LOVESSS DERRY GIRLS -- catholic humour absolutely fucking kills her LMAOOO

definitely loves playing little games on her phone, whether she's bored, wants to work her brain and/or is anxious and needs distraction. these range from puzzle games, to virtual scrabble, to hidden clues games, to those word-type (?? idk what these are called I'm sorry LOL) games

doesn't take many pics on her phone apart from scenery and/or aesthetic places. I feel like she'd find those really cool, and would definitely have an album dedicated to them. or also just weird/interesting stuff she sees in public, like street art, or public posters. isn't big on taking pictures of food, and only really takes pictures of people she's superrrr close to. otherwise, she feels too uncomfortable taking pictures with/of people she's still learning to navigate socially with

OH AND SPEAKING OF SELFIES LMFAO probably feels SO fucking uncomfortable and awkward taking them, so a lot of the pictures her close friends have of her are candid and when she wasn't focusing. even if she does catch them in the middle of it, she probably doesn't bother to fake a smile, which results in lots of straight-faced pictures of her (hot)

when she's with people she's not comfortable with, she'll probably force on a tight-lipped, very unnatural sort of smile. but, sometimes, when she's in a silly mood with people she's close to, I can see her hitting the 😛 blep or a faux-smoulder (probably is high when she does)

probably loved shows like totally spies when growing up, finding the investigations so interesting and loving to see girls as spies (both for lesbian reasons and future-fbi-agent reasons LOL)

probably didn't get a phone till a bit older than her peers, due to her mom struggling to afford one. but, it was okay, since she probably also didn't feel super inclined to it, and was more into reading and taking photos as a child. was never, and still isn't, into the social aspect of technology, so never really felt excited or wanting for a phone

[humanoidluv]

being so serious i love how (in atleast the batfam & dbda & sandman communities, since those are my main communities atm) the dc fandom is so casually accepting of queer and disabled and poc characters. sure there's obviously some people who arent accepting of these things, and there are some odd people, but for the most part ever since i've been a kid there was always at least one or two or three casual poc characters and atleast one casual disabled character in the shows i used to watch. in the fandom, now that ive officially entered it, its extremely casual from where i'm interacting as well. i havent seen anyone berate tim and question how tim could be a hero without a spleen, being immunocompromised, and sure its not really brought up aside from jokes, its still.. wonderful.

it makes me happy because i'm disabled and have a blood disease that would make me need to be extremely careful if i were a hero.. so people just beinf casually accepting of shit like timothy drake who's at a far worse risk than i would be, its really fucking cool. it gives me the belief that (pushing my other issues aside) if i became a writer for dc or something and put in a hero with a blood disease then i would have 0 (or very little) qualms fandom wise. i had a lot more words in my brain while i was at yoga but i unfortunately forgot half of them so have.. whatever this is.

[silly-lil-scribbles]

Introduction post!!

FREEEEEEE YEEHAW

status: cleaning

lyrics that fit the current vibe: permanent jet lag, please take me back please take me back, im a stray dog sick, please let me in

current chance of a response if you dm me*: 30%

* does not apply to mousie cuz its my emotional support friend

- My name is Finn! You can also call me scribbles, soup, or really any dumb nickname will do. it/he <3

woah look at that.. its me.. on another website!! slight flash warning for spacehey btw ^^

if you havent read this in a while, i would suggest reading again cuz i update it a lot <3

- faggy but in the most aroace way possible

- as far as gender, boy-ish

- I MADE A JAIL ACCOUNT SO IF IM JAILED I MIGHT BE OVER THERE ‼️ @soup-has-been-imprisoned-noooooo

- I POST ABOUT BUGS A LOT! if you dont wanna see that …. sorry? i always tag if op didnt but just proceed with caution yk

- I post about the magnus archives/protocol and my chem frequently, though I also just reblog a ton of random shit. may be nsfw. Also I forget to tag for spoilers a lot so just know that there are magpod spoilers in general on my blog.

- Music artists I like: mcr, lemon demon, will wood, dazey and the scouts, cavetown, fob, mother mother, nova twins, that handsome devil, noahfinnce, qbomb, gum disease, sparkbird, mischief brew, poppy, be your own pet, pierce the veil, specimen, faetooth, the mechs, rabbitology, scene queen, she/her/hers, femtanyl, leathermouth, baby queen, pansy division, the spook school, the crane wives, the used, and slutever

overall i really enjoy a lot of punk and emo and dark cabaret

- Shows/Podcasts/Other Media that I like! DANGER DAYSS, Malevolent, The Magnus Archives, Stranger Things, Welcome to Nightvale (though I haven’t finished it yet), the Osemanverse, Nimona, Adventure Time, Gravity Falls, ATLA, LOK, It, Hilda, Camp Here and There, Radio Rental, warrior cats, the silt verses, dead end: paranormal park, the saw franchise, the thankskilling franchise, invader zim (just now getting into it im only on s1 rn), arcane, also im a big fan of horror movies so id love suggestions

- my blog is super messy so all of my art is under the tag #scribbles draws a thing and my original text posts (not the short personal ones typically, just the one i actually want people to see) are under #scribbles says shit.

- my body hates me very much (in other words im physically disabled)

- surprise, my brain also hates me very much! And yes also undiagnosed!

- tone tags are appreciated <3

- i post a lot! if you left an anon ask please check my #scribbles asks tag if you cant find it, sorry ‘bout that

boundaries n stuff:

- not ok with sexual or romantic comments

- platonic flirting is ok if we’re moots

- feelings on sex fluctuate a lot but im usually pretty indifferent, same for romance but usually averse

continued:

- i have a tmagp fic i just starting writing! If you wanna know more, posts related to that are under #electric desires have unraveled all my wires :(

- I have 4 cats and a dog, also a gecko

- i have a queerplatonic partner!! hes awesome and swaggy and writes so much. so. much writing. wow. not saying wow in a bad way im just genuinely impressed. chou if ur reading this i love you <3

- SURPRISE i have another queerplatonic partner too!!!! its super fun and cool and pathetic /vpos. my favorite excitable soggy cardboard box ilysm <3 (if ur a regular around here im sure ur familiar lol)

- i love them both so much holy shit guys aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa

- coyotekin therian !!

- i love bugs!!!!!!!!!!! please show me bugs!!!!!!!!!!!!

- My favorite colors are hot pink, cyan, neon green, and red

- I love interacting with mutuals and getting asks! plspls send me random shit in asks im begging

- I’m creating a cartoon called Catlantis (still in progress)

- I have a love hate relationship with writing but i do it anyways so oh well

- Frogs.

other tags i use a lot are:

#soup poorly draws gay people out of obligation; my series of promised dyhard drawings.

#soup gets pathetic about friendship; me when im a sappy bitch about my friends or partners

#objectives list; save file for when i say im gonna do something so i dont forget about it

#catlantis save; hoarding info for catlantis

#insomnia induced rambles; i cant sleep and im making it your problem

#our lady of sorrows; not the song, my mcr inspired goddess i made up for my dnd character to worship

#scribbles asks; asks

#info save; good to know

#scribbles liveblogging tmagp; exactly what it sounds like

#art save; resources for doing art

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[tomatoluvr69]

Helene floods diary/blog entry 10/11/2024.

Mentions of severe disaster, death/child death, burials/funerals, and of course a splash of deep illness and ed. TLDR it’s very very hard here but I’m more or less ok.

Hi everyone :-)

Greetings from [Appalachian town absolutely shattered by Hurricane Helene floods]. Slowly crawling my way out of the indescribable wreckage. No idea when I’ll be back to work, but received word that every one of my students survived the storm, which is a huge, profound relief. I’ve changed my post-storm efforts from direct mutual aid stuff to burial. Lowered a stranger into her grave and then filled it in manually. No family could be present. There are more next week. Every single day is so hard. Drove with a friend who lives in [one of the hardest hit towns— this place is GONE.] to mourn and get some supplies— he was stranded in his home without information or ability to cook hot meals for over a week. I used to live on the outskirts of that town— I really cannot sum into words how disturbing it is to the core of a person to see places you know so well in utter, severe destruction, soldiers crawling throughout. It’s like trying to describe the color purple to a worm or something. These floods have changed me. Yesterday I went to drop off a load of hazard protection gear in Marshall, NC, where signs read, “WARNING: MUD IS TOXIC. May cause: Disease, Fatigue, Dysentery, Headaches, Lung Infections, Staph Infections. Please Decontaminate Before Going To Kitchen Or Eating.” And on our way back home through downtown (google the downtown, seriously. These are places I went in the before times, visiting with friends, buying groceries, going to friends’ gigs at a now-obliterated bar called Mal’s) we forgot to roll the windows up, until a cloud of dust hit our eyes and lungs. Feeling okay so far, but god only knows.

But my work at the ecoburial sanctuary feels like a respite. There are just a couple people at each burial, proxies for the decedent’s loved ones who can’t come in because of the severely damaged infrastructure and lack of places to stay. The entire city has been without water for over two weeks now. Power is an unreliable commodity, as is internet and phone service. I feel honored to have this opportunity, and grateful for a way to be useful— I was struggling with the executive functioning necessary to carry out my supply runs, to budget the donations and read the lists, then sort and organize drop offs. My brain is genuinely impaired from what I’ve seen. But I see the community at work and trust the people in my network to continue that work. To lower caskets and shovel earth feels better. On Wednesday, the day of my first burial, I went the entire day without the gaping, gnawing dread, sorrow, fear, and stress that’s been my constant companion.

There are learning centers cropping up around the city, schools still being out indefinitely, and the school I work for will likely establish one over the next few weeks in an outlying town that gains water service— likely a few makeshift classrooms in a disused church or fire hall, something like that. And I’ll rejoin as soon as I can, many of the staff having young children they’ve had to evacuate. I work at the elementary level, and I miss my students, I want to provide the stability of a familiar face, but I also sort of can’t fathom returning to work. To bury people is wordless, your body knows what to do. There is no thought required. I can let the boundless grief and sorrow pool within me, and ease it with every thrust of the shovel. It’s getting cool here in the mountains, but the days are still warm enough— crisp October skies, autumn foliage, all that stuff. A gorgeous time to be buried. I would do it every day for a year if I could. But life here is making awkward, creaking lurches towards normalcy, and schools are vital. So I’m soaking in this strange, sacred interlude while I can, laying a stranger’s flood-bloated remains to rest, lowering my head to the mourner’s Kaddish or Nicene creed, grieving tremendously.

Furthermore, the outpouring of support is drying up. You see disaster relief convoys leaving, meal distros shuttering, October rent coming due in full. You get screamed at in traffic, your roommate’s car gets rear-ended by an internet cable repair truck, in the midst of his mourning a family of four. Now comes phase two: the community is still shattered, but you’re expected to function as normal. And you cannot even shower or defecate at home. No one cares anymore what’s happening to Western NC/Eastern TN, and I understand, as I understood when a mass shooting killed 11 at a synagogue three blocks from my childhood home while I was away in NC, as I understand with guilt each time a distant tragedy lands and is forgotten— no one has the bandwidth for everything. It’s simply not possible. But it is surreal to stumble around a shattered world and know that you’re in an island. I already have given up trying to relay what things are like to people outside Helene. Maybe one day. But there aren’t really words for such a visceral trauma. The things I’ve seen will be with me, cluttering my dreams and thoughts, until I die myself. I’m uninterested in making myself heard. I’m alright and I’m not. What I can do for right now is try to feed myself and my community, try to make sure I visit a toilet at least every other day, and show up to the graveyard. I really will be okay. But it’s so surreal, and terrible. Please, for the love of god, if you can help it, never ever live next to a river, and don’t cross floodwaters. The homes, the family members, and the friends people here have lost. It’s unfathomable. I’m gonna try to track down a shower today. All you can really do is move forward. I feel like I’ve finally passed the stage where I was catatonic for hours at a time, which feels nice. I’ve been there before even pre-flood, but it’s so much harder to crawl back from when the things you need, like hygiene, sleep, routine, hydration, and healthy foods are all intermittently accessible and tremendously hard to acquire. But I’m trying now, which is something; I have the goal of two meals a day, two jugs potable water, two showers a week. I’m doing okay again. I’m in financial ruin, it’s really fucking hard. And my ED troubles are back with a vengeance— again, all the measures I have to combat this stuff are prohibitively difficult. I may have to finally cave and go to a grocery distro myself, just to get some healthy foods. Even though grocery stores are open, I am genuinely too traumatized to handle them right now. When im not proactive, which is often, im freezing cold and faint, hyperconvinced all foods are poison. There are times when I could get a hot meal at one of the distribution sites but I cannot eat it because of how triggering and uncertain it feels.

So it’s hard to take care of myself. But I don’t know that layering my trauma of my involuntary hospitalization from my teenage years over my flood trauma and food trauma is possible. And even then there’s no real way to get help right now. All the health centers are either closed or booked out indefinitely. So what, I’m gonna drive to Charlotte for care? Or get telehealth when there’s no place to even do a video call? It is what it is but hey, it’s not great. But I’m ok. Got some fruit and bread, made some rice. I have to remind myself I’m very sick, of course I can struggle with this flood more than, say, my well roommate out chainsawing roads in Swannanoa every day. But every meal really is such a struggle. I got a banana outside a church earlier while I was trying to find a water truck and now my next task is get some dinner. A normal person in my circumstances would be fully equipped to eat healthily by this point, we can refrigerate and cook now. But I’m unwell and it’s hard. But maybe I will let my friend pick up some stuff soon, some bananas and tofu and milk. It’s also hard because we have to use our extremely hard-gotten potable water to wash cooking dishes, so it’s hard to like batch cook a huge batch of dal which is what I usually do when I’m struggling to feed myself, because it means having to do another big water run a lot sooner. But this is a chronic condition and I know its contours, I’ll be ok, even though it’s severely challenging. I have got to work on invalidating myself less, and telling myself my chronic condition isn’t worthy of aid. But the guilt is too overpowering to take advantage of it. So many people lost their entire homes. And even though I’m in dire straits financially and have invisible disabilities and illnesses, I still can’t let myself receive help. But I have hard days and easier ones and if I’m proactive I know how to turn them into easier days. It’s just hard. It’s so much easier to lie in my bed and watch the light on the wall shift for hours. So I fall into that trap sometimes. Especially now that temperatures are falling into the forties and fifties at times, and my window got shattered, and I can’t eat so I’m cold all the time, it’s just so much more comfortable to lie in bed and then I get trapped lol.

All that sounds very grim but really, I’m okay. Part of me still really acutely yearns to get out of WNC for awhile but I don’t think I could be cut off from my community right now, and the closest person in my life is enduring tremendous grief (four people, drowned! Two boys under ten! Bodies found all the way in Tennessee!) and I cannot conscionably leave him, even if I’m struggling to manage my illness here, even if he’d urge me to go, I wouldn’t want that. We tried for a couple days in Durham and it was profoundly terrible in its own way.

So I’ll go back to the cemetery, and then I’ll go back to work at school, whenever that may be. And one day the shower and the toilet will be back, and the grocery stores will have safe foods I can eat. And I’m very acutely aware of all the people, especially in Gaza and Sudan and displaced by imperial interests from which I benefit, who will not regain that stability— my disaster is, at least, the whim of nature, theirs is manmade. I’ve been carrying the trauma of destruction & feeling grief for Gaza in an even deeper way. WNC will pull through, if deeply scarred— i at least have that consolation. It almost feels as if I’ve endured nothing at all. I’m incredibly aware that the water truck I can go to is provided by the same government bankrolling unfathomable death and despair of people in an even more brutally shattered world. The scale of trauma is just beyond imagination. My fury has only increased.

I hope everyone on here is well— I’ve really loved having this space over the past few years, it is such a tremendous mental respite even in antediluvian times, and I am anxiously awaiting having power and internet restored so I can regain that sense of normalcy as well. I fucking miss scrolling, yall. I’m at a Buddhist monk’s house to download some forms I have to fill out and wanted to blog a bit. Please everyone have a really nice hot shower for me and watch a good movie, have a glass of wine with a hot dinner. And give a few bucks to relief efforts in Gaza. WNC will rebuild, Gaza cannot. Much love, your favorite natural disaster survivor ❤️

[huntershowl-moving]

Positivity hour! Tell us about your favourite RP partner and your favourite thread! <3

OOH! i love positivity hour! cut for length because WORDY BITCH DISEASE STRIKES AGAIN APPARENTLY!

i don't think i could pin down just one favorite because i'm so incredibly lucky to have so many amazing partners during this sephblog golden age. this is only a few of the ppl who have touched my presence here and live in my brain rent free rn, i wish i could remember all of them but a shortlist will have to do o7

i will shoutout @harerazor and @tewwor for being my OGs, my rp besties, the truest mfs who always stick around through my year-long (sometimes years-long) absences and whenever i come back to discord or the dash, it's like we never left <3 AND for following me into my hyperfixation zones omg. writing windbreaker and jjk muses would be so much more lonely without u two in my life. <3

on the topic of OGs, @spiritcrown, @never-surrender and @bcdomens are the CREW!!!!!!!! THE FIRST PPL I EVER WROTE WITH AND SOME OF MY FAV FOLKS ON THIS HELLSITE you guys are the best. ily. connecting with u guys again felt like coming home.

@favorskill has ascended past the title of rp partner and into the title of friend. rio is one of my favorite people ever, genuinely, he's so cool and so skilled with writing/worldbuilding/watching his DICE MAKING SKILLS GROW has been so amazing too??? i care u so much rio. biting u. even when my brain is hopelessly deep in the fixation hole i am thinking about u and ur muses always <3

also shoutout to my wife @vsagis / @theixth (bc ik uve been on this one today) for just being like??? overall such a lovely person and an amazing writer??? our main dynamic is so deep and expansive we're starting to develop an extended universe for them. i love them i LOVE THEM TO DEATH. alex u match my freak ily i hope i get this job so we can hang out irl <3

speaking of matching my freak, @koseigu and i get along like a house on fire, and i don't think the world is truly ready for us. the more dynamics we develop, the more dangerous we become. everything we do with geto & sephsho ROCKS and i am terrified (excited) to see where seph and sukuna lead us in our newest explorations. we get up to some absolutely nasty (hot) shit with our creatures and it's always an amazing time. hehe

@chaoslulled hol you are so so so special to me. i owe u so many things and im so sorry omg but i literally never stop thinking about our threads & dynamics they're soooo good. i think you're one of the only partners i've actually been able to maintain Main Threads with over a long period of time?? there's something about the way we write together that makes that actually work in my brain which is super unusual JSDKJDHJKD i'm not complaining though, i love it so much. also your ocs are spinning around in my head on a daily basis, especially char because seph, chiaki and geto all like her very much. <3 ALSO. U ARE THE REASON I WRITE GETO. I HATE IT HERE HE WON'T LEAVE ME ALONE HOW COULD U DO THIS TO ME (affectionate). ur satoru is always the one he and seph come back to first because he is the original.

@quillheel and i have been mutuals for a while but didn't start regularly chatting until recently, and geto has been keeping me hostage in our 1x1 server over the last week or so, it's a problem, please help me. please. my crops are dying. also ur my current record breaker on "most fucked up start to an rp dynamic" with sukuna and rusa and im gonna be real i think u might hold that title for a while KJSDHIUSDHSJDHSJKDHJSKDH

@hinodae gray i think i would follow u to the ends of the earth. our little accidental threads have been some of my favorites ever, and i love to PIECES every one of our ship dynamics so far. thank u for being just as much of a slut for ships as i am, i feel like we match each other's energy and vibe so well!! TUMBLR BETTER UN-SHADOWBAN U SOON OR IM GONNA THROW HANDS >:'O

@eraserisms and @rcguish u two are like a package deal in my brain. D.A., the fact that we exist on the same chef wavelength always makes me so happy. i love seph and shota so much, they make me Hurt in all the best ways and i'm lookin forward to getting more into todoroki's voice so we can keep building out shota becoming his dad i mean mentoring him! and rys!!! i know ur absolutely going thru it rn so we haven't been talking as much lately, but i'm still just as feral for our dynamics as ever. seph and shouta's broken friendship. shou and orion's blossoming romance. seph has so many feelings and thoughts about silver that i don't even know how to articulate but that might need its own separate post. blowing u kisses.

lastly but not leastly, @gomannakami we only connected recently but we've already got this absolutely TRAGIC AND BEAUTIFUL set of pairings going on. satoru and chiaki are so stupidly cute and so so sad. seph and suguru are still in the beginning stages but i LOVE writing them sort of dancing around each other, the mutual pining is so spicy and delicious.

AS FOR THREADS!!!!!

ooh. hm. fuck. i think my first thought is always gonna be my longer-running threads with @chaoslulled — the one that stands out the most in my mind rn is the thread where satoru found seph on the brink of collapse after a hellhound kill. it was only the second thread we ever wrote together, and i ACUTELY remember how nervous i was that it was too intense and i was gonna scare hol away with it because that's happened so many times before. SJDHKSJHD

another one that comes to mind is one of my first threads with @tewwor's litho, which started with the simple inbox prompt "can't sleep?" and ended up turning into one of our longest threads to date and spiraling out into the longest fucking slowburn of this blog's career. i loved it. i'll never stop thinking about that apple.

[justkidneying]

Shock

SHOCK! Everyone loves writing about it, so we're gonna talk about it.

What is shock? Shock is a condition in which the blood flow in your body is no longer able to sustain the function of critical organs. We call this hypoperfusion. Blood carries a lot of stuff, but most importantly, it carries oxygen. When your tissues don't have oxygen, they're hypoxic. If they're hypoxic for long enough, they die.

What does shock look like? The patient might have hypotension, syncope (fainting), chest pain, abdominal pain, cool fingers/toes, shortness of breath, and/or altered mental status (I know you guys love that last one, lol).

What are the stages of shock? Trigger Insult -> Compensated Shock -> Uncompensated Shock -> Irreversible Shock (organ failure) -> Death

Not all of those stages are obvious in every patient, but that is the general progression. So, what does that all mean? It means that first, something is going to happen (trigger insult). This could be trauma, sepsis, anaphylaxis, heart attack, etc. Something has gone wrong with the normal blood circulation (we'll talk about what in a moment).

Next, the body will compensate to maintain perfusion and keep blood pressure normal. This can cause an increase in heart rate, constriction of blood vessels, rapid breathing, stress, and cool extremities.

When the body can no longer compensate, shit goes wrong. Mechanisms are failing, blood pressure is falling, and the organs are in dysfunction. You may see confusion, syncope, weak pulses, and metabolic acidosis (that's actually deadly but not as fun to write about, lmao).

Finally, when shit has gone very, very wrong, you get organ failure. If there were no interventions in the previous stages, the organs will begin to shut down. Heart rate, blood pressure, and respiratory rate will freefall. The patient will no longer respond to interventions. The nervous system's electrical activity will fade, and the patient will go into a comatose state. Then they die.

The Five Types of Shock

Distributive: this is from the dilation of vessels, which drops the blood pressure to unacceptable levels. This can be do to anaphylaxis, sepsis (bacterial infection), or adrenal crisis. One thing to note with this type is that the skin at the extremities will be warm, not cold.

Cardiogenic: the heart is not working correctly. This can be do to heart disease, heart attack, arrhythmia, etc. This leads to low cardiac output but constricted peripheral vessels. This may present with pulmonary edema.

Hypovolemic: this is from low blood volume. This can be due to hemorrhaging, severe vomiting (or, on the other end, pissing out your butt), or severe dehydration. The patient will have cold extremities and may be pale. Usually, this type of shock is easy to spot because there's either blood everywhere or some other type of trauma causing internal bleeding.

Neurogenic: this is due to nervous system failure from injury to the brain or spinal cord. Note that this type of shock does not have a fast heart rate. Since the autonomic nervous system is non-functioning, there is no response mounted to the shock.

Obstructive: this is a blockage of circulation to the heart. There are two types, pulmonary and structural. Pulmonary is due to increased pulmonary circulation resistance. This can be due to a tension pneumothorax or a collapsed lung. Structural is due to resistance in the heart, such as with cardiac tamponade (fluid in the pericardial space). This case of shock requires you to realized that there is clinically a right and left heart, as the blockage of either side will result in vastly different symptoms and require different treatment.

How do you treat shock? For treatment, it really depends on the type of shock. For all types (except that caused by pulmonary edema), you should give the patient a saline IV to increase blood pressure and volume. Then, it really depends on the case as to what you do next. For distributive shock, you want to give the patient vasoconstrictors (like norepinephrine or vasopressin). For cardiogenic shock, give them inotropes (to increase cardiac output). For hypovolemic shock, fix whatever was torn up and give them IV fluids. For neurogenic shock, you can give fluids and vasoconstrictors. For obstructive, fix whatever is wrong, like breaking a clot or draining the pleural cavity.

Okay, I hope this is a good guide. I think hypovolemic and distributive shock would probably be the most fun to write about, but I mean you could probably make any of these pretty interesting (except obstructive, maybe). Let me know if you have any questions in the notes (is that what the reply thing is?? or are they called comments??)

[badlydrawnmanic]

baldur’s gate 3 has once again taken over my life and i low key wanna draw the playable characters as mobians because i have crossover / furry brain disease + edits

to no one’s surprise astarion is a bat because, well. vampires, and his secret isn’t exactly hard to figure out before the reveal cutscene. he himself may not be associated with bats but you get it

gale is kinda tough for me to pin down because he’s both plain but not at all at the same time. his personality doesn’t fit cat despite his light association with them through tara, but hedgehog is seemingly considered a default even to the sonic series itself much like human is in dnd, so that might work. his hair is also kinda makes me think of a lion and that has a bit more character to it

karlach is undoubtedly my favorite. outside of fire one of her bigger unique design bits is her broken horn which i’d wanna keep fairly the same. sheep would fit the curled shape but she doesn’t really have a soft vibe that comes along with sheep. maybe some sort of cow-like animal. big and powerful. friend suggested she be a boar instead of minsc which i could roll with. confused for a hellsboar by wyll

lae’zel is supposed to be markedly different from the other characters, so i’m thinking either some kind of reptile / amphibian or something entirely alien in that it’s a beast from the dnd universe. while they aren’t associated with the githyanki there’s gremishka in the creche and that might be just interesting enough to work. big ears. friend also suggested a skink specifically and people seem to think she's very frog even if i don't see it lol

shadowheart is also relatively normal. was thinking wolf for a time but honestly she had cat vibes + that would sort of play into her and lae’zel being kinda similar despite being from fundamentally different places / backgrounds. friend suggested a squirrel? will consider

wyll feels like he’d be some kind of dog given the general good boy-ness of him, loyalty, etc, plus it kinda plays into how mizora talks about him. naturally his “you didn’t kill karlach” form would be a hellhound. friend mentioned fox but i think dog is more fitting

halsin is a bear and there is nothing difficult about this whatsoever

i haven’t done an evil run yet where i recruit minthara but i know she’s a lolth sworn drow and they’re associated with spiders and that would be kinda cool. friend suggested wolf for her also

minsc would probably also be a dog. even though repeats are a bit lame, he was a protagonist in another group of characters from another baldur’s gate so it’s fine. one of those stupidly huge breeds that look more like lions than dogs. if not a dog than maybe a boar. friend suggested a ferret but i think he needs beef to him. wolverine maybe?

jaheira also being from the other baldur’s gate game could probably be a repeat too. slightly cranky old cat but she loves you in her own way. would also contrast with minsc. if not a cat then i could see her as a deer i think. i somehow forgot that the game's ai defaults her wildshape to a panther when you're battling alongside her in moonrise towers so panther it is

[mrs-snape5984]

“'Cause in a sky, 'cause in a sky full of stars I think, I saw you…”

“'Cause you get lighter the more it gets dark. I'm gonna give you my heart.” (“A sky full of stars” by Coldplay)

One of the very few and little acts of freedom in my life, which is restrained by the confines of my disease ME/CFS, is my habit of stepping out to my balcony at nights, whenever I can gather enough strength to leave my bed for a moment. Sitting out there, staring at the night sky whilst a cool breeze is caressing my feverish cheeks, is one of the most soothing sensations in my current life.

After some time, it became my routine to take pictures of the stars in order to send them to my friends. Especially those people, who are living in much bigger cities, seemed to be stunned by the beauty of the firmament above my small town. I can’t wait to show my beloved friend @vulnus-sanare this sensational view in person soon and I can’t wait to have you here for your long planned visit at my place. Damn, I’m counting the days, sweetheart!

So, for this beautiful artwork, I commissioned the incredibly talented and lovely @severus-snaps to create a scene of Severus and my OC Jules (yeah…it’s practically me, I know!) laying on the ground at night. Severus explains the stars to her…but she only has eyes for him. You’ve done an excellent job with this project, my dear! Please take my apologies for taking so long to write this post, but my brain fog and some other issues made it hard for me to bring my thoughts to paper (or better to screen). Thank you for everything!

🖤Severus & Julia🖤

🖤Sevy & Jules🖤

[justpinkazure]

Lighter | Elinor Walker

CW: it's just a sad character backstory with some violence closer to end

The girl with red curls looked at her mother in fear. I watched as she dropped to her knees and tried to contain her own fear, hugging her daughter to her. The woman called her father's name several times so that he would look at them just once and immediately leave the room. Elinor heard him swearing as he searched for his phone while her mother calmed both him and her. And she tried to calm herself down too. However, the girl did not feel anything. For her, this is an ordinary day, like any other. They gave her a bike, and she immediately rode it down the slope. Eli remembers the moment of the collision so clearly. Blurred vision, some discomfort in the hand and blood flowing to the fingers. Hot, it cooled down very quickly, causing unpleasant goosebumps to crawl across the skin. But the most unpleasant thing is how the parents argue at such moments. Like it's her fault. You wouldn't even call her clumsy.

Elinor has suffered from congenital analgesia since childhood. Her brain is unable to receive pain signals. She feels only slight discomfort, constraining her movements. Father's genetics played a cruel joke. His sister and great-grandfather had this disease. Maybe that's why he's so strict with his daughter?

Despite her illness, Eli grew up to be no ordinary child. Yes, in addition to constant health problems, the girl constantly brought a lot of problems with her difficult character. Stubborn and persistent. Eli was unable to make long-term friends. In rare moments of reconciliation with other children, sparks of hope flashed in the eyes of the family, disappearing after the next call from the director. Elinor missed junior school. Not even a month had passed before she was transferred to home schooling. With such a disease and disgusting behavior, the parents did not want to take any risks.

If the child’s brain cannot detect pain, then let him learn to avoid its occurrence and look for the prerequisites for possible injuries. Her older brother helped with this. The years passed, and while Wallace grew closer to his sister, parents moved further and further away from her. This upset her. It happened that she could deliberately crash into a table top or sofa, but no one else came to help. The father never tolerated this, and on top of everything else, he put pressure on the mother, trying to save her from endless empathy and regret. He loved this woman and could not watch her cry. He also hated his sister, Aunt Beatrice, who once took all the attention in the family with the same deviation. This explains why she comes to visit so rarely.

The family is quite exemplary. Father is a surgeon, mother is a lawyer. The eldest son is going to follow in his father's footsteps. At the same time, both parents are constantly on the road. When the nannies and caregivers were tired of fussing with the capricious Elinor, and it was too early to leave Wallace in charge, Aunt Beatrice came. She was that sweet auntie, so understanding and cheerful. The wrinkles only embellished this woman’s smile. She understood Elinor like no one else. During all those rare visits, the girl learned so many useful things for herself. She was so pleased by Beatrice and so unbearably angry by her father, who looked for every opportunity to avoid getting involved with her, and her aunt, who lived for years with his resentment, understood everything and tried not to interfere with her brother’s family. I can't believe they are of the same blood.

As for the brother, Wallace Walker, well… He's perfect. Exceptional in almost everything. Studies, appearance, character - he was always the center of attention wherever he found himself. Even at home. This didn't bother Elinor much. Considering how demanding his parents were, she even felt somehow sorry for him.. He is the pride of the family and must achieve everything that is expected of him. Having taught Wallace to be a nurse for Elinor, his father increasingly persuaded his son to become a doctor. In response, as he grew older, the guy began to increasingly curse his choice of life path. He liked helping the girl, but the stress from his parents was pressing more and more on his chest.

When he became an actor, Eleanor would become the director for all the films in which Wallace would star. They will be inseparable like DiCaprio and Tim Burton. Such a funny fantasy distracted her.

In such a family there is so much time for oneself. Too much. It was too early to wander through abandoned buildings, to smoke and to study for a license, but she was lucky to get acquainted with film distribution. Of all the genres, it was horror that reverberated with fervor in her chest. Feeling no pain, she jumped every time fake blood appeared on the screen or when she saw fake weapons stabbing into actors. A strange emotion struck her every time while watching it. It was impossible to take your eyes off the cruelty on screen. An emotion that is impossible to experience was shown in all colors on the faces of the actors. Is it true that the pain is so unpleasant? Is she really like that? Various questions flashed through her mind so often that they forced her to take more and more discs with interest and follow the release of new slasher films in cinemas. How far can directors go with their cruelty? How she wanted to see more. The thought that in the future she herself could participate in horror filming warmed her soul.

A strong interest in cinema prompted Eleanor to earn extra money. The girl accidentally started buying CDs with her favorite films, gradually collecting a unique collection. Not as expensive as her father's cabinet of designer folding knives, and not as unusual as her mother's constant migraines from working too much. Any job available to a teenager was hers. Pocket money from parents was still only enough for lunch. With her purchases, they would never let her buy it all, let alone spend money on it all. Blu-ray editions of her favorite films took pride of place on the shelves in her room. Informal clothes, with edgy jewelry and creepy chains, took up residence in the darkest corner of Elinor's closet. Mom bought all her clothes. Over time, the closet stopped being so pink, but wearing boring floral blouses and skirts became unbearable. The girl often asked her brother to share his belt or shirts. And this guy definitely had style and a good heart. It was he who, through swearing and quarrels, was able to get his sister her personal, small, pot-bellied television. A gift she had never been able to save up for. This was the only birthday when her parents gave her exactly what Elinor wanted, and not what they thought was necessary. Whatever the thought behind this act, it did not improve the relationship, only inclining the girl towards greater isolation.

At school.. Don’t really want to talk about this part of her life. Elinor tried to get into any sports club, but her parents and teachers categorically prevented this. Teamwork was not for her at all, and her father and mother simply did not want to deal with another set of injuries. Sport is dangerous for Elinor. She only managed to get into an elective in physical education, which was already considered a victory. Anything that prepared him for a zombie attack or an escape from some abandoned place made Eli a little happier and his life simpler. What did the opposite was relationships with peers. Attempts to make friends ended in quarrels and even fights. Her classmates avoided her for many reasons, most often absurd and far-fetched, which is why she had to constantly prove that they were wrong. This did not lead the girl to success, only to the director’s office. Every day it became more and more difficult to be in society, feeling every non-existent gaze on myself and hearing the condemning vile whisper of my own self. She had to become an outcast, smoking outside the school walls from the constant tension pressing on her chest.

Maybe she would have spent her entire school life like this, completely alone, if Samantha had not appeared.

Oh, Samantha, this is an individual case. She is gentle and playful in character, like a rose. She wasn’t popular, but she didn’t remain completely without views either. One day they crossed paths at a disc rental. The conversation started on its own; Elinor was extremely puzzled to see such a sweet girl in the horror section. Samantha turned out to be no less interested in such films. It's a pity that she liked ghosts much more than maniacs. Meeting after meeting brought them closer together until the two were sitting at the same table at lunch, discussing various nonsense. Eli considered her a gift from above and often asked if her friend was a hallucination, to which she only laughed and played along with her. Here she is, a person who finally understood her. Not literally, of course, but this girl was glad to spend time with her. A little communication on the way home - what more could you ask for?

That's how the days went by. Despite her distant parents, she has a wonderful older brother and an equally wonderful friend, as well as a collection of the best slasher films of the decade. Elinor believed that she didn’t need more; what else could she dream of? Life couldn't get any better.

Until she turned sixteen.

Wallace is graduating this year. Final and entrance exams will be the peak of parental pressure. And while it was gradually growing, as luck would have it, my brother fell ill. A purulent sore throat took the guy by surprise. It was partly his own fault, carelessly drinking ice-cold drinks at the beginning of autumn, but even the guy did not expect such a loud scandal. Elie listened quietly on the steps, clenching her hands into fists with anxiety. In a hoarse voice, Wallace tried to defend himself while the same things that were obvious to everyone were repeated to him. The father cursed louder than usual, saying how the guy was trying to retreat at the very last moment, how he wanted to disgrace himself and destroy his wonderful future… A lot of stupid things were said in his direction, but he still tried to fight back. When his brother finally left the kitchen and went to his room, he immediately noticed Elinor. He tiredly patted her on the head and walked past, knowing that she would follow him.

— Wallace? — I'll spend the night at Max's. He lives on the opposite side when looking from the school. Do you remember? — I remember. — Can you handle it? — Can I handle what? Them? Wallace, you'll be back, won't you? This question sounded unusually frightened. Wallace stopped and turned to his sister. — Of course, — he smiled, — I need a little peace and lie down. A little sleepover won't hurt anyone. His calm and tired appearance begged to be believed. Girl hugged him goodnight as tightly as she could. That night she did not sleep and perfectly heard her brother leaving.

How wrong he was.

Things only got worse. Elinor had no idea what a strong wall her brother was between her and her parents. All the anger and irritation of her family began to be dumped on her. And it wasn’t just a showdown in the kitchen with or without cause. The girl received the attention she dreamed of and was jealous of, but at what cost. The family constantly clung to clothes, to grades, to the lack of friends, to the girl’s hobbies. The habit of defending oneself with aggression played a role here too. No, she couldn't build arguments like Wallace did.

— Why were you rummaging through my room? — Young lady, you shouldn’t have secrets from your parents! — said her mother, while father flipped through the dirty notebook. It fell onto the kitchen table with a slam. — Amazing… Who told you that you would become a director? You can't even imagine how much it takes. — A little imagination and a camera? — Tell me, which of these do you have? Knowledge! Knowledge in various fields is necessary for any person, and even more so for a film director. I can count on one hand the number of school subjects you have no problems with, and even that number of fingers would be too many! — So how useful is damn drawing to you, dad? Are you making beautiful seams now? Or maybe you think that you have the right to call the patterned handles of fucking knives art?

The loud bang and swearing stopped. With a red cheek and rapid breathing, the girl looked at her mother.

— Don’t you dare swear in my house, ungrateful one. And don’t you dare contradict your father!

She didn't even listen. Ears began to ring due to fear. She staggered and immediately ran out of the house. Her legs themselves led her to a crossroads, where Elinor became exhausted, squatted down and began to cry.

The arguing in the house did not stop. Stress and pressure only grew, and Elinor herself once again hung the poster in her room, covering the dent from her fist. She was so easy to piss off. Unfortunately, Samantha also managed to fall under the hot hand. Both girls never talked about personal things, about life. Perhaps it was worth raising this topic at least sometimes. Samantha had always noticed her friend's impulsiveness and temper, but lately Elinor had started to get angry out of nowhere over little things. Any little things. It wasn't good. Every hit of the vending machine, clap, throw, and even a glance from her friend made the girl jump in place and automatically cover herself with her hands. She was so afraid of being next. One day she even dared to ask if Eli could have hurt her? To which the girl said in surprise, «No way! Samantha, why do you ask?» In response, she could only smile awkwardly and change the subject.

— Elinor, — Samantha whispered, standing in the main doors of the school.

She looked guiltily at the floor when Elinor turned to her, and then pressed one button on her mobile phone. The puzzled girl heard the notification and immediately read the incoming SMS. The way she looked at Samantha made her shrink and step back.

— Is this a joke? Samantha, are you joking? — Sorry. I really thought I could fix you, — the gentle voice quickly trembled, — but I can’t do that anymore. — I'm sorry. — Samantha, I would never… Please, just listen. — Don't come near me! Stop! Don't!

Elinor didn't even take a step in her direction. All in tears, the girl ran out of the school. Devouring the back of her ex-friend's head with her eyes, she simply couldn't believe it. Was she friends with her out of pity? Her insides twisted, how unbearably disgusting it was to realize all this. She had nowhere to put all that she was experiencing. The angry voices were so loud that the girl did not remember how she returned home. Collapsed on the bed, she wrote a message to her brother. Another one that he will answer very late. Wallace was at school, calling his parents, he definitely didn't run away, but she didn't really want to go after him in front of her friends. Even though he still had a cold, he looked more alive. Short conversations with him after class gave her hope for the best. He said he would be home by Halloween.

It's mid-October. Elinor's favorite holiday is getting closer every day. But she isolated herself. I stopped attending classes and could barely move around the house. Insomnia was disrupting her sleep patterns. Elinor wandered aimlessly through the forest at night, through abandoned buildings, and during the day she slept for a couple of hours in order to continue wasting time. There were questions about missed lessons, but she had no idea how her parents solved them. Never cared about it. Often, she would go into her brother’s room and sit on various forums at his computer. Users shared new movies, leaked posters, and shared stories, but in her current state, Elinor was flipping through completely different threads. Violent and dark discussions could last for hours. She believed that this was an alternative way to cope with her anger, to release aggression into the text, to pretend that you were writing a script for a new slasher film. And although the flame of hatred for everything and everyone gradually faded away, new lights flared up more and more often, illuminating the path to the darkest corners of Elinor’s consciousness.

Sometimes she wondered what would have happened if they had just run away? Beatrice would gladly accept them, just pack your things and quietly take a bus or taxi at night, or whatever. But parents must somehow react to the escape of their children. Her mother is a lawyer. This is just an iceberg on the way of their Titanic. It would be no problem for her to get her children back for the best benefit of the family, and that was why Elinor hated her so much. She is sure that she has figured out this plan exactly. The minor daughter, for whose custody Beatrice will be suing, is recognized as mentally ill. Someone from the hospital will believe her father's plaintive cry and testify against Elinor, with real papers and all that crap. Sick in the head child will go to a mental hospital, and a kind brother will do everything to ensure that she does not suffer. He will return and become what they wanted him to be. After all, the trial will not affect him, only Elinor, a minor. Such a development of events was not even considered. Wallace has suffered enough, she can't afford to cause him any more trouble.

The long-awaited Halloween has arrived. The day dragged on so unbearably long. Elinor constantly fell asleep for just a few minutes, only to look at the clock and close her eyes again. As the sun approached the treetops, she received a call. It was Wallace. Said he'd be back after Halloween. The girl no longer heard his worried questions about absences and well-being. My head was splitting at the seams. She was so angry about all this. She couldn't believe that he couldn't come back. I didn’t believe in another date change. He definitely ran away. No, it couldn't be that Wallace just ran away. There must be a reason why he can't be here, come home. But there was a reason. Wait, it was true. And it was so obvious and easily solved that I couldn’t even believe it.

Father slept like a rock, but mother always needed sleeping pills. At midnight, the girl gathered her things and went out into the corridor. Taking out her small folding knife from her jacket, the girl crept into her parents' bedroom. She leaned over her mother, looking at her calm face. For the last time, she assessed her actions, and then ran the blade across the woman’s throat. Her chest quickly began to twitch unevenly. Fortunately, the mother did not wake up. It was the most merciful death that her daughter could give her. The girl clutched the knife tighter as she walked around the bed. He’s so kind when he’s not frowning. Father seemed really good as long as people looked at him. It is important for him to be able to behave, he is a doctor after all. Raising the blade, the girl delivered a sharp blow to the man's neck when a heavy hand slammed into his face. She was pushed back by inertia, girl quickly straightened up to see the father rise from the bed, looking at his own child in anger. The heat went from the lip to the cheek. The taste of metal and a slight chill on the chin. He stabbed her with one of his collectible knives.

— Ungrateful monster! He walked toward her with wheezing sounds. Blood was soaking into the collar of his shirt. — How dare you!? The man swung his hand, and she was confused. Blood dripped into the eye from the eyebrow. — Your life is worthless! Do you think this was even worth anything?! Blood filled his mouth. Squeezing her throat with one hand, he wanted to hit Elinor again. The girl moved further and further, covering herself with her hands. — You ruined my family! Destroyed! YOU— She pressed herself against the wall and squeezed her eyes shut when her father raised his hand with a knife above her head. But instead of a blow the body fell face down on the floor. Elinor froze. Breathing heavily, she smiled. Laughter escaped her lips, growing stronger with each passing second as the girl slid to the floor.

Throwing on her jacket, she felt a pack of cigarettes in her pocket and exhaled. What a nice little thing, it’s definitely worth a smoke break after what happened. Before leaving, Elinor wanted to turn off the computer. She noticed a new message and curiosity took over.

[Hey. Do you want to take a walk through abandoned places now? I recognize the photos from your thread, it’s not far from me] [Sure]

The stairs almost killed her when her vision went dark. It had been a long time since Elinor had lost so much blood. Such simple and stupid thoughts were spinning in her head. Walking out the front door, She froze. Can't be.

— Elinor? Wallace stood on the porch with his duffel bag and backpack. All so sunny. He definitely planned to surprise his sister. — Sorry. Somehow I even… Are you real? — Are you serious now? Elinor did not dare to hug him, but when he came up and pressed her to him, she could not restrain herself. — What a grip! What, are you running off to celebrate? — Yes... Yes! Can you cover me? — No problem. The main thing is to be back before morning. Laughing, Wallace released his sister. As Elinor was leaving, he called out to her one last time.

—Happy Halloween, Elinor.

Elinor had no idea what a strong wall her brother was between her and her parents.

This was the only way to repay him for all his care.

Now they are free. Now he will find his happiness.

Afterword

The white light forced her to wake up. Her head was pounding terribly, and her lungs were tingling as she inhaled. Rising somewhere in the forest, the first thing Elinor did was light a cigarette. The black smoke left her body as she exhaled, her skull no longer squeezing her tiny brain in a vice. Last night felt so blurry and unclear. The thick fog around was confusing. Touching the back of her head, she noticed how the darkened hair crunched with dried blood, like a crust on a wound. Cool. It seems like there was a light snowfall last night.

All that remains is to finish smoking and decide where to go first.