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strniohoeee · 11 months

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Dolor Pt. 2

Pairing: Chris Sturniolo X Female Reader

Synopsis: Y/N hasn’t seen Chris in a year and a half, but with the help of her friend she’s surprised by them🤭 Will those feelings still be there for one another?

Warnings⚠️: None, I’m not too sure how I feel about this one, but I had no other idea on how to write it so I hope y’all enjoy 🙃

Song for the imagine: ANGEL- Brent Faiyaz

Read part 1 here🫶🏽

Don’t ever leave my side, baby I’ll die

But from what I know, you’re always here to stay

You’re an angel in disguise

It has been a solid year and half since Chris and I broke up, a solid year and half of never seeing him or his brothers. It was very hard, but it also flew by. I wasn’t sure where a year and half went. It was honestly scary.

We both told each other we’d love to cross paths, and reconnect in a few months to be friends, but life got in the way, and that never happened. I’m honestly glad it didn’t, we were both so busy I believe it helped us move on from one another faster.

We all stood mutuals with each other on instagram and TikTok, but we just didn’t interact with each other. I watched them grow in all aspects, and it was amazing. I thought I’d be there to witness it first hand, but instead I was watching from the sidelines….it hurt me, but it had to be done.

My TikTok was flooded with videos of them from their tour they were just on, and it’s honestly crazy how much people can change in a year and a half. That didn’t even look like Chris. He was much more mature looking, sculpted cheekbones, shorter hair, stubble on his face…..Chris was looking good.

I shook that feeling off because I could not allow myself to fall back in love with Chris. It took me a long time to move on from him. I will always love the kid, but to fall out of love was hard. I hadn’t seen or talked to any other guys since splitting with Chris, and I wasn’t too sure if that was the same with him. Deep down I hoped it was.

I was scrolling on TikTok one day when I saw a clip of the triplets from their recent podcast video, they were doing a Q and A video, and somehow Chris pulled out a question asking about me. I decided to watch the video

“Okay so this person says how’s Y/N, and how have you been since the breakup. I’m currently going through my own break up right now, and I just need some advice” Chris read out

“So uh this is a good question. It’s been a year and a half since I’ve last seen Y/N, and it’s crazy to say it’s been that long, but it has. With the relationship we had and how special it was it took me a full year to finally be able to feel okay, and understand why we split up. It hurt and some part of me still hurts, but we told each other the night we broke up that we both will be okay because we’re strong, and that’s something I’ve been holding on to. I presume that she’s okay, I’ve seen her instagram posts and her TikTok’s, and she looks amazing. I actually really miss the girl. So I hope she’s doing great, and for you going through your break up just know everything happens for a reason and you’ll be okay take your time and work on yourself” he said

Oh god this was making it so hard for me not to call Chris and ask to see him….I missed him so badly

I scrolled some more and another clip popped up

“This person wants to know do you still love Y/N” Nick asked Chris

“Oh 100% that woman is my everything. Like we’ve said in the past we hope to cross paths again” Chris said nodding his head

This has to be a sign? Like this has to be a sign that I have to see him, that Chris and I are meant for each other right? Or am I being delusional……

I wasn’t sure if I wanted to call him, text him or just ignore all this and keep it pushing in life. I felt torn between my decisions

Today I was getting ready to film with Larray and Arrington. I had gotten so close to them within the last year, and we always filmed together. Larray was my biggest supporter in all this, and he was also friends with the triplets which kind of made it hard, but he never got in between anything. Although he hoped and prayed that we’d get back together one day I always told him time will tell.

He had an idea where we all stay in his car for 24 hours with special guests. I wasn’t sure who these guests were, and I wasn’t sure why he wanted us to stay in a car for 24 hours, but I agreed I knew it would be fun.

I had driven over to Larrays house, and let myself in

“YOOOOO” I yelled from the door

“Were in hereeee” Arrington yelled back

Oh god I was the last one here….I hated this, but anyways I walked to Larrays room, and when I walked in my heart sank

“Oh” was all I said as I walked in

“Hiiiii baby” Larray said, causing everybody to turn around with him the triplets face dropping

“What’s? Uh….whats going on” I said looking at Larray

“We’re filming a video, and I brought my friends” he said back

“It’s been so long” Chris said looking at me saddened

“It ummm it has” I said smiling at him

“We have missed you so fucking much….holy shit” Nick said running over and hugging me

“Uhh it’s been so fucking long I missed yall too” I said hugging him

“Matt you look so different now” I said jaw dropping and giving him a hug

“Good different I hope” he said hugging me

“Of course good different” I said laughing at him

I moved to Chris

“You look so different too” I said pulling him in for a hug

“I’ve missed you” he said hugging me tighter

“Missed you too” I said pulling away

After chatting for a bit Larray decided to film his introduction for his channel

“Alright bitches we are filming a 24 hour car video today, and of course I had to bring in my ride or dies Arrington and Y/N” he said and both Arrington and I made an entrance

“And then you know Larray had to stir the pot, so he brought the triplets” Arrington said to the camera causing us to laugh

“As uhhh most of you know there’s uh an elephant in this room between uh two people, but ummm we won’t talk about it” Larray said

And we just laughed at him

“You are so messy” I said to him rolling my eyes playfully

“Alright let’s get to the car bitches” he said and we ran out

I sat in the passenger seat, Chris and Arrington in the back, and then Nick and Matt in the third row

“Alright so right now we’re driving to Target which is 45 minutes away because Larray decided to do this video during rush hour” I said to the camera

“Uh- is that a drag?” He asked me

“It sure is” I said to him

“So Y/N….you said Matt looks different….you already had Chris so will you try another brother” Arrington asked me

I looked back at him jaw on the floor, as Chris and his brothers were laughing

“You weirdo Arrington, I will not fucking get with Matt” I said shaking my head

“Could you believe this kid” I said looking at the camera

“Ouuuu the fans want to know how many boyfriends since Chris” Larray asked me

“Boyfriends plural? Do they think I’m a slut….its only been a year and a half guys, and there’s been zero guys since Chris” I said shrugging my shoulders

“OHHHHHH CHRISSSS” Larray and Arrington yelled at him hyping him up

“She loves me too much to do that” Chris said to the camera

“Uh-“ I said turning around to look at him

“I’m just kidding” he said and touched my face playfully

“SAW THAT” Nick and Matt yelled from the back

We had finally gotten to Target, and Chris and I were paired up to go on the hunt for some things, and we had to vlog it together

“Alright guys I’m here with uh….my ex” I said to the camera

“What a great reunion” he said looking at the camera

“Who would’ve thought a year and a half later we’d be in Target shopping for a video together” I said looking at him

“I honestly thought it would’ve happened sooner, but I mean hey” he said shrugging his shoulders

“Oh whatever” I said rolling my eyes at him

Him and I were doing some shopping and grabbing some stuff, and we had found ourselves in the coloring book aisle

“Look the Disney coloring book, your favorite” he said leaning down to grab it

“You remembered?” I asked him

“Of course I did, and you only get specific coloring pencils cause you’re weird” he said laughing

“Hey don’t be mean” I said laughing at him

“It’s cute” he said smiling at me

“Do you ever think about us?” I asked him

“Pretty often actually” he said looking at me

“Do you think you see a future with me” I asked him

“I’ve thought about this a lot, and every time I picture my future you’re a main character in it” he said looking into my eyes

“This year and a half has been rough, and I so badly wanted nothing more than to cave and call you over, and just hold you tight” I said looking down

“I sat in my room for so many nights wondering if the decision I made was right, and after a while I just became numb to the feeling, but I want this again….I want us” he said

“I think we should start slow first. I want us to truly work out this time no break ups no nothing” I said to him

“I think so too, you should come film with us again we miss you so much, and the fans miss you too” he said

“I’ve seen…all over my tik tok” I said smiling at him

“Yeah they love you and I love you too so much” he said pulling me in for a hug

We finished vlogging some, and headed back to the car with everybody getting back in our original seats

“Okay everybody we are back, we’re going to go eat something and then we’ll be back in the car for the next 24 hours” Larray said

After we ate we went back into Larrays car trying to stick out this challenge and just chatting with each other asking each other questions

“How many girlfriends since Y/N?” Larray asked Chris

“None. I told yall she’s the love of my life” he said looking at the camera

“Awww Chris” I said looking at him

“HEY CITY GIRLS UP. Do not fall for this” Arrington said

“Shut the fuck up” I said laughing at him

“What’s one regret you have” Nick asked us

“I think my biggest regret was completely dropping you guys out of my life. Like no interactions no nothing that hurt the most” I said to them

“We appreciate that” Matt said

“How do you guys feel after seeing each other” Matt asked Chris and I

“Is this a hot seat? What are we doing” Chris said

“Shut the fuck up and answer” Nick said

“I feel at peace, like seeing him was the last piece to my puzzle. I still love Chris of course, and we’re hoping to take things slow, and eventually get together again” I said to them

“Yeah. I love her so much, and seeing her today brought back all those memories. Memories that made my heart flutter, and I knew I couldn’t let her go again” he said looking at me

“Yall cute as shit this has got to stop” Larray said

“So yall heard it here first they are back together” Arrington said to the camera

“WOAH WOAH NO” we both said putting our hands out

“We are taking it slow…we are not dating yet, and trust me you guys will know when we’re back together. It’s a maybe for right now” I said to the camera

“But she will be in our videos again” Chris said

“SHE WILL?” Nick and Matt said

“Yes she will!” He said to them

“FUCK YES FINALLY” Nick said getting excited

We had chatted for a good thirty more minutes before we decided this challenge was not going to happen

“Alright guys we did not make it, but we love you and we’re heading inside now” Larray said

“BYEEEEEE” we all yelled to the camera, Chris pulling me in and kissing my forehead

“Are you guys going to soft launch your comeback before I post this?” Larray asked us

“You know that’s not a bad idea actually” I said looking at Chris

“We could do that. I’d love to do that” he said pulling me in and kissing my cheek

“Yall soft launching but he smoochin on you” Matt said looking at us

“Uhhhh mind your business” Chris said sticking his tongue out at him

“OMG to keep it like private you guys could do like a couples shadow picture” Nick said

“Waittttt I love that let’s do it” I said to Chris

We had snapped the picture, and Chris posted it collabing with me once again so I can post and share it. Nick and Matt also shared it to their story saying the gangs back together and they can’t wait to film with me again. Immediately the love we got was INSANE

❤️nicolassturniolo,matthew.sturniolo,larray, and 450,000 others

christophersturniolo: I told you guys we’d always always find a way back to one another. Although we aren’t dating again we will be thinking about it for our future. I love this girl with my whole fucking heart, and I’m so glad we’re in each others lives again. She was my right person at the wrong time.My number one girl💍. Were back BITCHESSSSS🥳

Sturnioloteam: STFU THEYRE BACK

arringtonallen: mhmmm I was here for this picture so back off everyone

nicolassturniolo: mama and papa🫡

matthew.sturniolo: yall cute or whatever…..

larray: yall can thank me for this reunion MHMM💅🏽

Y/Nusername: my number one guy…love this kid so much💋

sturnioloooooo: I knew mom and dad would find each other again

The immense love we received was insane. Had you told me a year and a half ago today that all that pain would be gone, and we would find each other again I would laugh in your face. I guess I am making it to the end of his story….🥀

The End

I hope you guys liked this one I feel ehhh about it, but I had to have a happy ending🥹 but anywho let me get to writing some more 🖤

-J💅🏽

#sturniolo triplets #sturniolo x reader #sturniolo #sturniolo fanfic #sturniolo triplets imagines #chris sturniolo #chris sturniolo imagine #Spotify

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triplesilverstar · 7 months

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So its a tradition? Weird

Rating: 18+ Minors DNI

Pairing: Vash X F!Reader

CW: P in V Sex, Oral, male receiving, smut, smut in a stream, feather play, cream pie, multiple cream pies, orgasm, multiple orgasms, Fantasy AU, Bad flirting

Word count: Roughly 5.6K

A/N: A follow up to my fic from new years day A so called God on a mountain top? Well, better then freezing to death where I didn't last when I said I was taking a break from writing. So without too much preamble from me.

Following the events on the mountain you find yourself meeting the strange god once more. I wonder if you're in for another round of fun times with the God of spring and new beginnings.

Following your interesting night on the mountain things with the village did change, you were greeted when you left your home as the sun rose with choruses of good morning, and in general, most of the villagers had a friendlier attitude towards you.

The old man who lived at the edge of town, not so much but you didn’t think there was any way to change his mind. He still spat verbal venom about you being there and how it upset the community and how you shouldn’t be sticking your nose in the mountains business.

The man who passed for the village mayor told you to ignore him and you fully intended to.

You also did your best to follow the strange blond man's single request of you on the mountain, to leave it better than you found it. The first day the small bag that held your notepad and camera had been packed to the bursting with garbage and it didn’t seem to put a dent in what you found.

Now you brought a larger garbage bag with you each day and had an alarm set on your watch for the last hour of what you considered your working hours. You were putting a serious dent in some of the trash that had been left behind on the slopes and that seemed to make the villagers even more friendly.

Invited one night to sit with a woman maybe a few years your senior and her family for supper. It was a grand time hearing about life in the village and seeing the woman’s children play while the adults spoke was heartwarming. After said children were put to bed you stayed sitting in their garden with them and speaking more. They had offered you a few drinks which you had turned down and opted for water instead citing you hadn’t had a drink since you arrived and you still needed to work tomorrow.

“Did you both grow up in the village?”

“Of course, though I went away for a few years for school. Yet something kept calling me back.” Her husband answered taking a sip of his own drink.

“You just wanted to make sure you got a chance to have a date with me.” The woman laughed good-naturedly. “Though it would have been easier if you asked me instead of creeping up the mountain after me when I was left at the slab.” That has your attention.

“Oh?”

“You were scary, so showing up after everyone else and professing my love made sense.” He turned towards you as you asked and let out a little chuckle. “It’s how a lot of couples start dating here actually, the man follows the lovely lady up after she’s been selected to be the sacrifice and offered his ah, devotion the best way he can.” You don’t miss the way he says it to hide the double meaning in his words.

“Usually the village mayor leaves a ring somewhere for them to find on their way down the mountain.” This little bit of information has your mind reeling, and you aren’t going to voice how what you were pretty sure was the mountain god showed up for you. If it had been regular sex you might have thought you were having a trick played on you, but those feathers had been too real to be anything else. Well and his stamina.

“Well, I have to ask then. Why did you all drug me to get me up there?” At their looks of concern towards one another, you wonder if maybe you shouldn’t have asked.

“Honestly I’m still pretty ashamed of what we did myself. It was suggested as a way to scare you off from coming back, I’m sure by now you’ve seen how outsiders treat the mountain and we didn’t want someone adding more garbage or bothering the wildlife. It was kind of narrow-minded of us.”

That’s an understatement but you won’t hold it against these people, not when you’ve seen what other visitors have done to the mountain. “Just don’t do it again. Or at least ask me first, I was scared I was going to freeze to death.” You take another sip of your water and you’re glad for the subject change to your research. Talking for a while and trying to get your mind off the new information, but you won’t ask what would have happened if no one had come for you.

Later that night as you head back towards where you’re staying you pause in the center of town as the wind seems to sweep along your skin and under your clothes. Looking up towards the mountain top and an overlook that can see the village you could have sworn you saw a figure wrapped in feathers looking down. Giving your head a shake before you kept walking. Maybe you should have had that drink if you were going to imagine things.

As the weeks passed you often found the hairs on the back of your neck standing on edge when you were on the mountain. Always that sense as if you were being watched and sometimes you felt your body break out in a sweat for no reason, biting your lip when it happened and wondering if it wasn’t Vash playing tricks on you.

So today when your skin felt like it was on fire you stopped what you were doing, almost throwing your shoes off in your haste and your pants following as you wadded out into the stream running down the mountain. Sighing in relief as the slow waters from the ice melt that originated higher among the peak chilled your legs while you looked skyway.

“Perhaps I should have tried that sooner closer to water if I had known that would be your reaction.” That same soothing voice is ringing out around you and you feel the vibration of it in your bones. Keeping your eyes closed as you answer him.

“If I had known this was what you wanted I would have stripped a lot sooner.” You’re in the water up to your knees but already you can feel your core growing damp, wondering if you’ll have a repeat of last time. “Am I leaving the mountain better than I found it?”

A brief chuckle from him and you hear the sloshing of water around his ankles as he joins you, the brush of feathers along your arms before they’re replaced by his hands sweeping over your limbs and the heat of his body pressing into your back. “You were before you threw your shoes and pants in a pile.”

“Does that mean you’re not happy with me?” You try to keep your voice from giving away the fact you’re teasing him, last time you had been tied to a slab and his first concern had been getting you down the mountain. You aren’t sure how he might respond to your teasing this time, even if he is the direct cause of your partial strip.

“I am displeased.” His voice has that low rumble to it that makes you shiver and your pussy throb and clench as the tip of his nose traces along the shell of your ear. His warm breath washes along the sensitive skin as he speaks, feeling his nose move down the cartilage before digging into your neck with his lips nipping at the flesh where neck and shoulder meet. “I wanted your shirt off as well.”

You can’t help but laugh, a sound that seems to echo around the partially enclosed space of the stream that you suspect was formed by the waters slowly eroding the softer rocks on one side. You’re well aware that even if someone else was on the mountain right now the two of you are in a spot tucked out of sight. “Then take it off.” Lifting both of your hands up and behind you so your fingertips can brush against the golden and black locks you remember.

Instead of removing it, you feel his hands slip under the hem one palm gliding across your stomach while the other climbs higher to play with one of your breasts. At the same time, you hear and feel him humming as his mouth keeps dragging along your neck while you’re dragging your fingers along his scalp. Taking note of the different texture you feel, some of his hair is soft like the down of a bird which reminds you of his feathers that are behaving compared to last time. Other sections of his head are covered in coarse dark hair that are rough reminding you of quills almost. At least you’re assuming it’s the darker strands based on memory and the curve of his neck under your fingertips.

It’s fascinating as you keep exploring with your fingers and he seems content to breathe deeply against your neck while exploring your skin. The fingers of his hand are dexterous as they push the fabric covering your chest around to play with the tender flesh covered by your bra under your shirt. Letting out a few hums of your own as you tilt your head to try and look at the man behind you. “I’m curious.” You let the words out slowly, still moving your fingers and glad he doesn’t stop his own exploration as he gives you a louder noise you take to mean to keep talking. “I’ve spoken to the towns folk, it seems like their sacrifice thing is more of a matchmaker game than anything. Why’d you come for me?”

His mouth barely leaves your neck as he answers and his words tumble around your skin in a way that makes your core clench harder. “No one followed you and I didn’t want you to freeze, an attractive young woman like yourself.”

“Oh. So you find me attractive? Kind of funny for a god.”

“Gods are allowed to feel attraction, are there not stories of them taking mortal brides and rearing offspring in some cultures?” While he voices it as a question you don’t miss the laughter coloring his tone while you chuckle.

“Good deflection. Though they are stories and I didn’t bring up offspring.” Hoping you don’t poke him in the eye or anything as you slide one of your hands from his hair to his face. Feeling those same handsome features you’d seen that night.

“All stories carry a grain of truth. To answer your question, I do find you attractive.” Turning his head from your neck and nuzzling into your hand before kissing it. “Very attractive. It’s been difficult to not approach you before now and tell you how I’d like to feel you again.” Grinding into your back you don’t miss his hard cock between your cheeks, your panties forming a thin barrier between the two of you.

You laugh feeling your face warm because of Vash once more, though for a very different reason than why you stripped to get into the water. “Keep talking like that and I’m going to start comparing you to Zeus. I’d prefer not to since him and his dick seemed to cause most of the problems in Greek myths.”

“I have heard of those stories. I’d also prefer if you didn’t compare me to him, however, it doesn’t change the facts you have been on my mind.” Sliding his hands from under your shirt and placing them on your hips, gently guiding you to turn around and face him.

He’s still as breathtaking as before with those bright teal eyes regarding you as something precious. Taking a moment to sweep your eyes over him and enjoy the vision in front of you, his feathers are loose around his body his battered flesh on display and you find him as handsome as the first time you saw him. “Funny, you’ve been on mine too.” Lifting your arms to wrap around his neck, watching as some of his feathers glide away so you’re touching bare skin. Leaning so your chests are touching once more and tilting your head hoping he picks up on the nonverbal cues that you want a kiss.

A quick upturn of a corner of his mouth and he lowers his face to slot his mouth over yours, caressing your lips with his while his hands rise to rub along your back and pull you flush against him. It’s easy to fall into the movements of the kiss as he leads and you’re happy to follow, parting your lips and letting his tongue slide against yours. All the while his cock is trapped against your bodies his heat radiating into you and you aren’t sure if the dampness on your panties is from your own core dripping into the fabric or the precum pooling on his tip before trailing down his length. Or a mixture of both.

As the two of you part you don’t miss the haze of lust in his eyes and you know what you want that’s for damn sure. “I wanna feel you inside me again.” Hearing him groan at your admission as you slide one of your hands down his chest, his muscles flexing and rippling under your touch before wrapping your fingers around his length and pumping him. Not that he needs it but you don’t want the foreplay not this time, but you might as well try to smear his precum along his warm flesh so he’ll feel better inside your walls. “Please Vash.” Nipping at his lips as you wait for him to give you some kind of signal.

“You need prep to take me. I don’t want to hurt you.” His voice is rumbling out of him again, like rocks hitting slides of the mountain as they tumble down it but his cock twitching in your hand tells you far more.

“You won’t Baby, you won’t.” Running your tongue along his bottom lip as you whisper against him. “Please, Vash.”

“Very well then.” That didn’t take much convincing but you’re not going to complain, certain his quick agreement is because he’s just as desperate to be inside of you. It’s awkward but you hook one of your legs over his hip and with one hand shove your panties aside and line him up with your soaked cunt. A short moan as his head presses into you before Vash snaps his hips forward spearing you open on his length, any noises you were about to make were lost as Vash catches your mouth with his.

The hands that had been trailing along your back and now gripping your ass as he hoists you up higher, wrapping your legs around him in response and your hand rejoining the one still around his neck. He wastes no time pumping up into you with his tongue moving the same way in your mouth, lost in the pleasure of his cock dragging against your insides you miss as his feathers move to wrap around your thighs and help him keep you up in the air. The sound of wet skin slapping is lost to the babbling of the stream and with the pace Vash sets it takes no time before you cry out as your first orgasm hits you. Head thrown back as your cunt clenches tight around his dick that has you stretched wide to accommodate him and you feel your sweat dripping down your back.

A hiss from Vash before you’re hoisted higher, mewling at the feeling of being empty while your walls are still spasming and he spurts his release onto the ground. You let out a cry of dismay wishing that he was still inside of you and pumping his come into you. “I didn’t have time to ask.” He’s panting wildly with his head tilted back and you see his nostrils flair as he breathes deeply.

Lifting your fingers to his jaw and trying to move your sluggish body against his to lap at the sweat along his throat. Humming “Baby. Vash. I want you to come in me, take that as permission moving forward.”

Chuckling as his hands knead the meat of your ass. “I have a few errand trickles I can put in you while we recover before the next round.”

“Let me down” you whisper as you get an idea and when your feet touch the ground you’re peeling your shirt off and tossing it to join the rest of your clothes before dropping to your knees in front of him.

“What are you” Groaning without finishing his questions as you grab his cock and lick a hard strip with your tongue flat from where his sac attaches to his dick up to his head. The noise he makes is absolutely sinful and your body is already warming at the thought of having him inside your pussy again. Lapping at the glob of creamy fluid that pools at his tip like it’s an ice cream and you don’t want to miss a drop, humming in delight at the salty taste of it with a hint of something that you can’t place. All you do know is you like how Vash tastes and work to lick him clean and collect what he called a few errand trickles that would have made a puddle the same size as his first release. Above you Vash is groaning softly with both of his hands tangled in your hair as you suck him off, the occasional brush of his feathers along your face making you flush as your panties start to drip with your release soaking them.

Brushing your thighs together as you work as you let out a little moan that has his dick throbbing against your lips, the vibrations running through him down to his heavy balls. The whole time Vash remains hard, just like the first night when you went for several rounds with the mountain god. “If you keep going like that my next release will be down your throat.” His voice has that rumble to it again and a line of lighting races along your spine, you’d much rather have him inside your pussy than your mouth. Sliding off his top with a trail of saliva still connecting you to him that when it breaks lands against your lip and chin, making Vash groan once more.

“Can I ride you?” Last time he was the one to do all the work, and this time you want to be the one on top for a round and curious how different he’ll feel inside you with a new position.

“Ride me?” He sounds a little confused as you stand, finally removing the rest of your clothes and making sure your dripping panties don’t land on any of the other fabric. You still need to go down the mountain later. “Oh, where I am on my back. I wouldn’t mind trying such a position.” He seems to look around for a moment before slipping his hand over yours and grabbing your pile of clothes with a few of his feathers in a bundle.

So much for not getting cum stains on your clothes.

Tugging you along closer to the stream you realize there’s a smaller outcropping from the wall that blends almost seamlessly against it. As you turn with Vash you see why he’s moving the two of you, there tucked away is a decent-sized space with sunlight streaming down from above and an expanse of grass. Far more comfortable than the small pebbles that had lined the edge of the stream which would have dug into both of your skin, your knees already a little tender from your short time pressed against them. Not that you regret it at all.

“This is really pretty.” It sounds almost flat as the words fall from your lips but it is, with the light shining down and the stream off to the side.

“I like to sit here sometimes.” Vash answers, depositing your clothes near the edge of the grass as he takes you more toward the center, pulling you flush against him once more and kissing you. Moaning into your mouth as his tongue traces your teeth, and you can’t help but wonder if he can taste his release. You certainly can and you feel your slick trailing down your thighs as your hands roam his chest.

“Well, today you’re going to lay down.” Nipping at his lips as you look up at him before wrapping your fingers around his twitching cock trapped between you once more. “While I fuck myself stupid riding your dick.”

“I do not like that word but I like the thought of watching as your chest jiggle while you’re on top of me.” Right, he made it pretty clear last time when he kept calling it making love.

“Who’d have thought the God of spring liked boobs.” His gentle laughter as he pulls away from you to lay down in the grass with some of his larger feathers around his form is almost lost in the soft babbling of water over the rocks. You find yourself biting your lip as you watch him, framed by his feather and leaning back on his forearms watching you with his cock at attention holding out a hand for you to take.

“I like your breasts, now come let me fill you up so you can ride me.” Putting emphasis on the ‘you’ part, and it just makes your heart pound a little harder in your chest as you move closer and taking his hand. Careful with your feet as you get into position with your dripping slit hovering over his shiny length, in the short time since you licked him clean his precum is already covering his dick once more.

A few adjustments and his feathers move to help keep you steady until his cock head is nestled against your pussy. “I’m going to enjoy this.” You wink at him before you slowly let gravity drag you down so he’s swallowed by your needy cunt. Letting out a soft throaty little moan as he spreads you, at least before you’re lifting your hips again.

A small whimper from the being under you and his hands are grabbing your hips almost as if he’s desperate to be fully inside of you. “Hang on baby, I wanna watch your face as I go slow.” It surprises you a little how needy he is for being a god, he knows how to have sex and you’re starting to wonder if maybe this is the most affection and sex he’s had in his long life. “I wanna tease you before you splatter deep inside me.” Biting his lip he nods his ascent but he doesn’t move his hands from your sides, his fingers instead kneading your flesh.

As much as you want to just let yourself drop and slam him deep inside your cunt you don’t, moving slowly and each time you move down his length taking more and more of him each time. Twisting your hips at different intervals and squeezing the muscles of your core around him watching him pant, enjoy the way his chest heaves and the feathers that sprout from him flutter when he really enjoys something you do to him.

All the while you play with your breasts, pushing and pulling at them while licking your lips and circling the point of them with your fingers. Vash is a whining panting mess under you, the reins of his control tight but you can see and feel the cracks when his hips jerk or his cock throbs inside of you like an inferno.

When your thighs rest on his and you stop moving you let out a happy little hum, rolling your head atop your shoulders as you feel so full and stuffed with his cock. He’s not as deep as he can be but like this, the curve of his shaft brushes across a cluster of nerves that makes your body jerk, loving the feeling. “You feel so good Baby” sweeping one of your hands down to rub over the bottom of your tummy. “Deep inside of me, splitting me open.” Licking your lips as you see him blinking while you speak, a few of his feathers twitching but otherwise, they haven’t joined in on your little ride. “I can feel you under my fingers, twitching like mad. Tell me my handsome god of the mountain are you ready for me to ride you until I can’t anymore?”

“Yes!” His voice has a new tone as he shouts, like earth-shattering and you smirk enjoying how wrecked he looks.

“Good.” You lean forward making both of you moan in tandem as you catch his lips for a searing kiss, and as you lick against his tongue you start to move. Working your thigh muscles as you start a blistering pace of fucking yourself wildly on his dick, almost fully pulling off him before slamming down once more.

You can’t keep that pace while kissing him like that, leaning back and placing both of your hands on his chest for leverage. Tossing your head as he keeps hitting all the right places inside of you and you start wailing at how good he feels, his own howls of how tight you are joining you while your frenzied movements have his cock plunging in and out of you.

“Close!” Choking the word out between his howls as you keep moving, determined to feel him empty himself inside you.

“Come on Baby, come for me, fill me up sexy.” His hips start to rush up to meet your downward ones and he lets out a hiss, his body going limp as you keep riding him. Sighing at the heat that explodes inside you and the spurts grow weaker the longer you move wanting every drop of this release deep in your cunt. Slowing when it seems like his balls have been drained for this round and leaning over to kiss him again.

“You” He pauses, swallowing hard enough that his whole body shakes from the force of it. “You didn’t find release?”

“Not this time, next round.” Sending him a wink as his hands trail along your side “I’d like to be on top again but you’re free to do whatever else you want if that’s ok with you?” You know you only have one more round before he’ll have to take over because you doubt three will be enough when last time he went all night.

“You may remain on top, but could we change position? I’d like to lick and suck at your breasts while my cock is inside of you.” If he wants to play with your chest you’re down with that.

“Of course.” While he doesn’t need long to recover you shift as his feathers work to adjust both of your bodies so Vash is sitting up almost leaning against them with you held high on his thighs. Like this he’s at the perfect angle to view and play with your chest however he wants and your core tightens around him at the thought.

“My pretty little bride enjoys this I see.” That soft laugh of his is back and you raise an eyebrow at the nickname.

“Bride?” Blinking at the throbbing of his cock deep in your core and you realize he’s ready for the next round.

“You still wear my ring from that morning after our night of lovemaking. That makes you my bride.” He’s grinning wildly now, his fingers roaming your skin again.

It’s an odd conversation to have when the head of his cock is deeper in your core than any of your boyfriends before had ever been. “That’s not how it works. You don’t just have a night of doing what we did and” He laughing hard now and you realize he was joking with you, giving his shoulders a smack. “Very funny Vash.”

“I should not tease you about such.” He grabs your wrist, wrapping his thumb and forefinger around it and turning it to see the ring he made from a leaf still around your finger. Kissing the digit. “But it does please me to see it still adorning your finger.” Giving his hips a roll that has you almost seeing stars. “Now I believe I am ready to have you come on my cock my pretty little bride.” This time you roll your eyes at his obvious teasing and start rolling your hips against his once more.

You know you won’t last long the brief respite from his last release having cooled the fire inside you but his feathers are quick to circle your clit and rub your nipples as you ride him. A slower pace as you rock more against him with the new angle and your hands gripping his shoulders as you move along his length.

“I knew they’d jiggle in a way I liked.” Vash is licking his lips while staring at your chest in a way that almost has you feeling embarrassed. That fades quickly once his head darts forward and latching onto one of your nipples and sucking on it while his feathers coil and twist around the other. He’s desperate to make you come as he sucks harder, almost as if he wants you to catch up to the number of releases he’s had, and with one of his feathers toying with your clit it isn’t long before you’re howling in his embrace as you clamp down on his cock before slumping against him.

Humming low in your throat as Vash starts to move you along his cock himself while your core is still clenching around him. Licking your chest as if he has no intentions to ever stop and picking up speed as he goes, your next orgasm chasing on the heels of the last one, and Vash’s teeth graze your nipple as you cry out. More of Vash’s hot seed spreads in your core as he pumps you full once more.

“Just like you said, I’ll finish inside you from now on.” Slumping against him you just grin and enjoy the post-orgasm haze as his dick fills you to the bursting.

As the sun starts to set your hands wander along his side as you face him, enclosed in his cocoon of feathers once more after several rounds. You learned his favorite position was when you were on your back with your legs pressed to his chest. “I like kissing your womb” had been his simple statement as came from his high after that release.

“So, favorite food?” As his recovery time between rounds has grown the two of you have been speaking and learning more about the other.

“Donuts.” His serious expression takes you by surprise.

“A God who likes donuts? I mean I know you don’t need much food but that’s an odd selection.” Tracing one of the scars along his shoulder as you both relax in his feathers, his cock still buried deep in your core.

He shrugs in response. “There was a vendor from far away once when the village had its festival. I liked them.”

“I’ll make them for you sometime.” You giggle trying to picture Vash eating a donut while his feathers flail around him from pleasure and villagers running in fear.

“Same question.” You answer him honestly, enjoying the closeness as he ghosts the hand not folded under his head like a pillow along your spine.

Biting your lip after you answer and sighing. “I should head down the mountain soon before the villagers start to look for me.” A low whine from Vash followed by a long exhale but he makes no move to separate your bodies or part his feathers.

Tapping his fingers along your back before catching your gaze his eyes serious. “While I was joking about you being my bride I will say, I do enjoy your company a great deal. What would it take for you to remain on the mountain with me?”

“Vash.” You find you have to close your eyes at his expression, his teal eyes pleading with you. “I can’t stay on the mountain, I need a house. Food. Things I get from the village, and I’m here for research. I have to leave eventually.”

“What if I made you a house? I could make a small one here for you, you don’t need to stay forever.” Opening your eyes as you see his pleading get worse and his hand is reaching to encompass yours and pressing his lips to your knuckles. “I’ve been alone for a long time. Even your company for a short time would ease my lonely heart.”

You think about it for a few moments, the idea of spending more time on the mountain is appealing and well the idea of more time with the god is making your core twitch. Something he feels with the grin he’s sending you and the wiggle of his eyebrows. “We’ll talk about it, and actually talk. Not just make love for hours on end, you horny god.”

“Well.” His tone is teasing as his eyebrows keep wiggling like mad. “I am also the God of new beginnings. You might have a reason to stay you aren’t expecting.”

“I swear you are like goddamn Zeus.” Rolling your eyes and smacking his chest while he just roars with laughter again. You make it down the mountain the next morning, exhausted and claiming you fell and hit your head in the stream and woke up that morning. A good excuse to use with your drenched clothes and hope no one notices the faint white stains on your pants and T-shirt.

Damn, horny God.

If you missed the first part it's here

#vash the stampede #smut #vash smut #Trigun Smut #vash the stampede x reader smut #vash x reader smut #trigun vash the stampede #trigun stampede #vash the stampede x reader #tristamp vash x reader #trigun x reader #vash x you #trigun fanfiction #trigun maximum #trimax #alternate universe

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thetriplets3 · 1 year

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hii hru?? can you do “lingering looks, they should have turned away seconds ago” from the prompt list with matt?? thank uu

started with this idea, got carried away and I have no idea if what I wrote makes any sense but enjoy and thank you for your request I loved writing this

⁵⁵⁵ change ⁵⁵⁵

Matt and I are best friends, always have been, probably always will be but he’ll never see me as anything more. I was always closer to Matt than his brothers. He was the first person I’d go to if I needed anything. Sick, upset, happy, hurt, excited, you name it Matt was first to know.

Matt has this ability to make anyone feel safe, welcomed and loved. He has such a warm gentle soul and his presence is always a comfort to me. We’re both very affectionate people, hugs, cuddling, linking arms in crowded spaces, or pats on the back in passing. I haven’t seen Matt and his brothers in about 8 months, other than FaceTime calls since I moved away for school. The semester has come to an end which means I’m back home for the summer.

Wanting to see all my friends, the boys invited me to stay at their home in LA for a few weeks. Arriving to their house I take everything around me in, almost inspecting the place. They moved here about 3 months ago but since I was away at school I haven’t been here yet. My inspection is quickly interrupted by Chris swinging the front door open and squealing my name out, before tackling me in a tight, much needed hug.

“Missed you kid” he says, ruffling my hair as I’m bending down to take my shoes off.

“You’re literally the child here, kid” I joke.

Settling all my stuff into Nick’s room, he and I head to the living room to watch a movie. I’ve made myself comfortable in the corner seat of the couch curled in a ball on my side, resisting the urge to fall asleep.

Hearing what sounded like something falling, my eyes curiously drift in the direction of the noise, stopping briefly on Nick whose clearly used to this type of thing before looking up only to be met with Matt regaining his balance. I smile, taking in his presence and energy. Our eyes meet and it feels like time has stood still. We’ve FaceTimed a bunch over the last 8 months so it’s not like I haven’t seen them at all but seeing him in person after all this time feels different. A good different.

Seeing how much he’s changed makes my heart do backflips. I was worried when I moved away that the boys and I would grow apart but they made sure to let me know it’s gonna take a lot more than me moving to lose them. They look happier, there’s a glow to them. You can tell that they’re at a good place in their life just by looking at them. Matt had this air of confidence around him that he didn’t have when I left. He seems more comfortable with himself and happy, which makes me happy. His style has definitely changed and improved since I saw him last. I’ve always loved his style and now he radiates confidence. My love for him grows seeing him in person after so long. The change of moving from where I grew up with all my friends and family around me to living alone half way across the country scared me to death. But now that I’m standing here in front of him, change doesn’t seem so scary.

“Hi sorry to interrupt this little love reunion going on but there’s a movie playing and this vibe going across the room is interfering with that so do something other than stand there please” Nick exasperates.

To appease him we breaks eye contact and Matt makes his way to me, sitting next to me. Opening his arms, inviting me in for a hug I scoot over with my blanket wrapped around me and melt into his hold. Like 2 pieces of a puzzle. Shifting to bring my knees to my chest, I rest my head on his shoulder awkwardly, not being able to fully reach it.

Sensing my discomfort he gently grabs hold of my legs pulling them to lay atop of his lap. Our eyes flicker to each other with a soft smile. Taking his hint to get comfier I rest my head between his shoulder and neck, wrapping my right arm across his body and letting the other lay in my lap. His left hand lies over my knees and the other securely around my back, his thumb mindlessly rubbing my arm.

My eyes shut for a moment taking this feeling in. This feels different than every other time we’ve cuddled. Usually it’s just a head against a shoulder, head on the chest but this feels like it’s beyond those boundaries. He’s holding me to him like he doesn’t want me to leave, the hands on my leg feels intimate, it’s like he’s trying to tell himself I’m actually here and he’s not imagining it. I’m not complaining. I’ve spent the last 8 months just dying to be back with my people, my safe place.

A tear slips from my eyes. My hand grabs a hold of his shirt, balling it in my fist. Feeling a hitch in my breathing he tightens his hold on me letting me know he’s here. He places a soft kiss on the top of my head.

“I’m here sweet girl, I’m not leaving” he whispers.

Wanting to see his face I shift my head slightly resting my cheek on his shoulder softly smiling up at him. I’ve always admired his perfect bone structure and his stubble makes him look much more mature. My favorite color lies in his eyes. My cheeks tinted pinks, watery eyes, and soft pout on my face causes a small laugh to escape his mouth.

“You’re so beautiful. You seem happier than when you moved, it suits you” his eyes scan over my face landing on my eyes “I missed you life’s not the same without you here” he continues looking at me, taking in every detail, wanting to remember this new version of me. “I love you” he says with a slight chuckle to ease the tension he might have created.

“That’s the first thing I thought when I saw you, you seem more confident and happy, still clumsy but you look at peace with where you are. All I could think about for 8 months was coming back and being here with you. The camera doesn’t do you justice” I say. The words I’ve been wanting to say for so long dance on my tongue, nervous to show themselves. “I love you”. Finally.

Hearing that makes him smile, making me smile. I can’t not smile when he does it’s irresistible. Placing a sweet kiss to my forehead, I nuzzle my head back into the crook of his neck as he holds me closer.

“I wasn’t aware I picked a romance movie, gross” Nick says with disgust and sarcasm dripping from his voice.

Change isn’t always a bad thing, it leads you to exactly what you need in life at the right time.

taglist: @antisocialties @iluvmatt @dwntwn-strnlo @fake-coolbeans @opheliaofficial07 @angelcake-222 @oneirophobic @strniolo

#matt sturniolo #sturniolo triplets #matt sturniolo x reader #readers pov #I need someone to edit for me bc I have no idea if anything I write makes sense #taking beta reader applications

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diaperdaddies27 · 5 months

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Happy Mothers Day Post/ Update

Firstly, the big question I'm sure a lot of you want to know is, am I still going 24/7? Yes. Though, I can't say I haven't had moments of fatigue just from getting in my head as of late. However, I have stuck it through and truly feel all the better for it. Have I started losing control?! Yes, and no. I definitely after six months can say I have been struggling to feel the need to hold it past just when my bladder is full. Like when my brain wants to go, I just do. I don't have the second thought I used to have, or the worry of will my diaper hold it. Because I just have naturally been letting go so much. I definitely would say my control is waning. In the next 6 months at the year mark, I definitely feel I will have experienced some true accidents. I also get a lot of questions on how I can afford diapers regularly on a budget. Having received this a few times, I have started composing a guide to how I buy diapers. I plan to publish tonight or tomorrow for all the littles looking for the info. Quick baby math for you, kiddos. If you get a pack of 10 diapers for $40. That is an average of $4 dollars a diaper. That's a lot of money for just one pamper. Especially when sometimes packs get a bad one or even two. Then you're out $4 dollars and short on supply. Now you buy 80 diapers at $220. That's an average of $2.69 a diaper. Saving you roughly about $1.31. Which adds up. I know bulk seems scary, but the savings plus the amount you get each time. Makes do this system worth while, and affordable.

Next, I want to talk about my Mama. Just today, I told her that words will never do her justice. Because to me, she is truly exceptional and one of a kind. She is a natural nurturer. Not a day passes do I feel I can't talk to her about anything. She is always looking out for me and wondering about how I am. I wake most mornings to her. Good morning, texts. Waking me into the world. She makes me feel confident and safe about my life choices to be a little. Not only that, she wants to care for me just as much as I crave to be in arms. Every day, I grow antsy waiting to be with her irl. Knowing once I am, I will never want to let go. I want to lose myself to my little side fully with her. Letting go of the bigg me and just folding into her embrace. I want to be fed baby food, given naps, diaper checks, and changes no matter the time or place, watch cartoons while babbling around my paci trying to show mama, I want to play with toys at her feet while she reads or decides she needs me to service her, I want to nurse from her multiple times daily, have a bed time, be take to the park and out places, let mamaz dress me up. I want to let go and just be her baby fresh and new. I'm so happy I introduced her to Tumblr. I know so many littles message her and ask to feel cared for. To have babysitter for a change. Sharing Mama is hard, but it makes me happy to know she is so loving to so many. It makes me love her even more. She is truly beautiful body and soul. Happy mothers Day, Mama!! @mommyposts10

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liviavanrouge · 3 months

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Voice Lines about Kioshio

Wriothesley

"Kioshio is such a good kid, when you give him the chance. He reminds me so much of myself growing up and I wanted to give him the chance to find himself instead of being forced to find himself. I hope that one day, he can take my place as Duke of the Fortress, I know that boy will make me so proud."

Lyney

"Kioshio saved me once when I was in some deep trouble with people who thought I stole from them. He came out of nowhere and boxed all of the harassers down, I did him a magic trick as a thank you and his eyes lit up like a young child seeing magic for the first time..although I think that was the case with him. I'm glad I got to show him something magical"

Lynette

"K-Kioshio...what about him...why is my face red. There's no need for me to answer that. He joins me for tea time and was once a special guest on a magic show me and Lyney did. I don't know much else about him aside from rumors I hear but he's kind to children and helps the elderly, so I can say that he's a pretty great guy"

Freminet

"Kioshio....he's nice to me and offers to take care of Pers if I can't take him with me. I came back once to him scowling at anyone who came close to Pers while he was holding him. I thanked him for watching my closest friend and went about my day. The next day I gave him a mini wolf like Pers that he named Perri"

Charlotte

"Kioshio is such a nice guy, he helps me get the latest scoop on things before other reporters! Whenever questioning is going on he always points to me and answers all and any questions I have. I know my boundaries though, he set them with me beforehand when it comes to this. Once you earn his trust and loyalty, he's a forever friend"

Arlecchino

"Kioshio has impressed me with his abilities, I've seen him interacting with kids from the House of Hearth on several occasions. He offers them candy and gives them shoulder rides, even climbing up or down things to get back things they've lost. Nothing but good things come from the kids if I ask them about him. Mason also says great things about Kioshio..maybe one day I should ask him to babysit the kids since they love him so much"

Chevruse

"I've seen Kioshio around, his willpower and kindness towards people is something I've seen on the regular. He's always so soft spoken to the victims of criminals and let's them take their time with explaining things. He holds no mercy for those who hurt the innocent, especially children. Whenever he's doing a criminal chase I toss him my gun and he takes it from there. He's such an amazing kid"

Navia

"Oh sweet Kioshio! He helps me out whenever the wind blows my hat or umbrella away. Me and him work together at times to catch criminals and he has quite the knack for it! Hehe! He calls me his Partner in Catching Crime and it always brings a smile to my face! Phibee also enjoys seeing Kioshio around when he visits. When he becomes the new Duke I hope to be the first to congratulate him!"

Sigewinne

"Kioshio is a nice guy, he doesn't mind helping me tend to patients and holds the more wild ones down so I can perform first aid. He's protective of me too I can tell and I just....I hope one day he becomes the Duke. He deserves it with how hard he works with Wriothesley to change his course in life. Next time I see Kioshio, I'll give him some paper flowers hand made"

Chiori

"Kioshio? Ah yes...he's such a good boy, always comes to check up on me and brings me my favorite food and drink. Whenever there are troublesome customers in the shop, he's just a simple call away and he scares them off while I work. I personally made his outfit as thanks to him for helping me with the latest most troublesome customer. I'll keep quiet on what the boy did, let's just say the customer decided to throw themselves out the window after a threat he made"

Furina

"Kioshio? He's a little scary to me but he's a sweetheart. He's a grouchy one of course despite that and you never see him not wandering around Fontaine. He checks up on any and everybody starting from the children and working up to the elderly. He's even kind to criminals who give themselves up willingly and dare I say to kids his age who got into...trouble with the wrong people. Him stopping that rock slide that day....I can confidently say that Kioshio has found his sense of self and the path he wishes to follow from now on"

Neuvillette

"Kioshio is going to go down in history as someone who saved Fontaine. He was so heroic going to stop the rock slide from destroying some of Fontaine. Who knew what would've happened had he not pieced things together. I know Wriothesley is so proud of him, and I was so happy when he adopted the boy. One day, he's gonna become the greatest Duke anyone has ever seen"

Clorinde

"Kioshio's strong resolve and his loyalty towards others who earn it is something I admire about him. When he wanted to learn how to wield a gun, he learned quite quickly and knew how to use it responsibly. I see much greatness in that child's future, with Wriothesley teaching him, he is going to grow into a strong but gentle adult, I wouldn't be surprised if that boy ended up saving other regions like he did for Fontaine"

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ineffabeatlemindpalace · 7 months

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How Our Flag Means Death impacted my life

It’s been said so many times but the impact this to show has had on me is beyond comprehension. I am still living in the aftermath. Every day, I cannot grasp my luck of finding it and loving it. Hyperfixation or not, it’s been a while so I conclude it is safe to be put as a special interest by now; to care so much about something that makes you feel good and understood, is utterly important to have, I have realised.

My experiences in other, different, fandoms on Twitter as a teenager, have been very different and I guess it has something to do with growing up and learning more about yourself as much as it has to do without approach and handling of it all – we are all here for this show and we are damn grateful for its existence. We do not take it for granted and so we lovingly create more art and thereby put more love into the world. Isn’t this what life is all about? Adding care and love.

Coming back to my point, ever since starting to watch Our Flag Means Death, I have had this inner sense of calm inside of me, which I never had before.

It is hard to explain but I did notice that my sensory issues, especially misophonia, have been less of a problem. And that is huge. There is one noise source in particular, which is the fridge, if you want to know, but it can be triggered by anything, and I have been struggling with this for many years… There only has to be some trigger, such as the wind howling too strongly or any other sound, really, and I feel like the world is going to collapse because every thing gets too loud and too much.

Now, for a few months, it hasn’t been like that. It was almost scary at first due to the unfamiliarity of the absence of, well, mental pain…

Regarding the show’s successful portrayal of queerness – yes, that has been life–changing for me as well.

I have identified as nonbinary as long as I can think. I vividly remember this specific moment from my childhood when I was sitting there, on my own, thinking, I do not feel like a girl, I do not feel like any gender, I just feel like myself. It’s a strange memory to have but it was so vivid that I treasure how it stuck with me.

When I was a teenager, I never had any romantic, God forbid sexual, interest, except for the occasional crush on a boy or girl, which naturally made me conclude that I was bi or pan. As of today, I am still not feeling any of these attractions. However, as I explain in this post, some kind of attractions have been felt. One thing is clear, if I do feel anything beyond, it would be for any gender.

The show basically says, whatever, we’re all queer, and that is so beautiful and validating to me because my family and other surroundings are so heteronormative that I often question my validity and worth.

There have barely ever been other queer people in my immediate surroundings, which means that acceptance or even understanding is not something that I would expect.

In hindsight, this is a big part of why I always struggled with confidence and self-love.

There is a lot I could write about my family history but I will just shorten it to, I did grow up without a father from the age of 7 and my relationship with him is rather torn.

I am so moved by how they decided to give Ed and Stede these backstories regarding their relationship with their fathers and families and portray these issues in such a delicate and serious manner and how they can impact your whole life.

I am thankful for how serious they have taken all of these things.

These are characters that have experienced similar difficult upbringings and are struggling with the consequences into their adulthood.

I have never gotten an official diagnosis but from my childhood experiences and later struggles in life it is safe to say that I am neurodivergent. The relationship with my mother is very difficult as well, which definitely played a part in how I never understood that some of my behaviour and so on was a result of being different in that way instead of deliberate. During my childhood and teenage years, there have been instances of different kinds of abuse, however I will not elaborate further.

These struggles are always individual and personal but I will just say that I do suffer from the fear of being abandoned and yes, it makes maintaining relationships, such as friendships, challenging.

Because you constantly feel like you do not deserve anyone caring about you or enjoying your company. Genuinely, I have never believed this.

Even if I have learned to like myself more and be confident in my abilities. I still feel like a burden whenever I am with someone else. It doesn’t go away. Part of it is due to struggling with social cues as well as the general preference of being alone.

And I do enjoy my own company. But it would be nice to one day find someone I can fully trust and freely share my thoughts with.

Basically, what Ed and Stede have found in each other… and I guess what makes them so different to other ships is not only that they are actually a canon couple but the way they are so natural and gentle with each other?!

They accept each other wholeheartedly.

They see each other in such a genuine way… unconditionally. Not without hardships but always with such a willingness to make it better, to keep fighting, continue to live for the sake of love and love only.

Another serious struggle has been my eating disorder (anorexia) which (along with overexercising) lead me to have secondary amenorrhea for many years, which in turn, was a very blissful thing for me due to gender reasons. A big thing that has happened shortly after discovering the show has been my period coming back. My reaction was denial, then anger, then determination that I would not let this bring me down…

The show did ground me in that emotionally, I have handled it, somehow, and carried on.

I am so thankful for it all and much, much more.

There is so much to say and never enough words to express my gratitude. This show means something different to everyone. Everyone finds bits and pieces in it which make them feel the same kind of appreciation and love and this is just my share.

If you’ve made it to the end, thank you, dear reader. Sending you a warm hug, if that’s alright with you.

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non-binarypal7 · 9 months

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15 people, 15 questions (on the 15th! 😄)

Thank you very much for tagging me in this game @xagan @theflagscene @visualtaehyun @telomeke ❣️ I loved learning about y’all 🥰

1) Are you named after anyone?

My middle name was given to me in honor of my great-grandmother (one of her children was also named after her and kept that name her whole life, so I don’t feel bad about the fact that I’m changing both my first and middle names legally 😁) (even if no one else had been named after her there still wouldn’t be any reason for me to feel bad about changing my name to better suit me) 😁😁😁

2) Last time you cried?

A couple days ago in the lead up to a traumatic experience that I won’t go into but on the whole I don’t mind crying!

3) Do you have kids?

No, and I don’t plan on passing on my genes, but I can see myself potentially raising a kid in the distant future. There’s a very good chance that I’ll never be a parent, and I’m extremely fine with that. I think the ideal parenthood situation involves people who are adamantly certain in their desire to be parents (and who are prepared to respect the autonomy and complete personhood of their children) I have lots of other thoughts on parenthood, but I’m veering away from the question 😄

4) What sports do you play/have you played?

My primary sports are tennis and basketball and I really miss playing them. I played them frequently growing up and now it’s been quite a while since I played either, though the last time I played basketball was almost a year ago and it was a satisfyingly homoerotic experience and I played well under pressure, so at least I have that to sustain me until the next time I can play

5) Do you use sarcasm?

I do, but pretty infrequently, and generally only with people who I’m confident will understand and not be confused or hurt by it

6) What’s the first thing you notice about people?

If it’s an in-person meeting, probably their height, mannerisms, accent, facial expressions if I can see their face; if it’s a text-based meeting, probably their writing/spelling/grammar/punctuation style, use of emojis and/or emoticons, etc. + degree of formality for both in-person and online meetings

7) What’s your eye color?

My eyes are a bit of a kaleidoscope of colors, but the most dominant color is green

8) Scary movies or happy ending?

I don’t watch many scary movies, but I can enjoy a scary movie with a (relative to the plot) happy ending, like The Blue Hour directed by P’Nuchy Anucha Boonyawatana 😄 The Blue Hour isn’t extremely scary, but I’ll take any opportunity to encourage people to watch that film 😁

9) Any talents?

I love to sing ☺️

10) Where were you born?

U.S.

11) What are your hobbies?

Writing (predominately fan fiction and poetry, I’d like to journal and write poetry more often), engaging with Thai media, and learning languages (Spanish, Thai, and Japanese are my primary target languages) are currently my main hobbies

12) Do you have any pets?

Yes 🥰 Luna is a wonderful doggy whom I love very much

13) How tall are you?

163.83 cm (5 feet 4 and a half inches)

14) Favorite subject in school?

Ecology

15) Dream job?

I feel capable of being fulfilled in numerous fields - ideally I’d like to help contribute towards environmental activism and sustainable practices, as well as regulations to hold companies accountable for their environmental and socioeconomic impacts

Tagging @dropthedemiurge @thepancakelady @7nessasaryevils @ablazenqueen @fairlylokai @ullvide @topcatnikki @fandork @springkitten @arisprite @wereflamingo @gaym3bo1 @ragingbyesexual @rares-posts @kornswasianguyswag

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quantumshade · 1 year

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🔥favorite and least favorite doctor who episodes (if you can choose at all lol)

OUGH this is hard... can i do top five and bottom five maybe

bottom five:

let's kill h*tler. do i need to explain this one? i don't think i need to explain this one

spyfall part 2. i don't think i need to explain this one either.

girl in the fireplace. i know that's the one my pfp is from. rose is just so pretty in it. anyway. it's a poorly written episode that gets way too much praise, not to mention just how painfully ooc everyone is. you can really feel how much moffat hates rose in that one. and also it feels so gross when you think about how the real madame de pompadour was groomed from age 6 to be a king's consort and basically allowed no agency in her life whatsoever, coupled with moffat's weird obsession with "someone meets the doctor as a little kid and grows up to be obsessed with him" is so painfully... icky.

kill the moon. outside of being an awful episode with a weirdly anti abortion message, it's the episode that made SO MANY PEOPLE give up on my baby girl twelve. if you stopped watching twelve because of that episode i'm begging you on my knees to give him another shot his era is so so good other than a couple stinkers.

legend of the sea devils. i cannot even begin to express my sheer hatred for this episode. everything about it sucks so so bad and i'm beating it with hammers in my mind 24/7. it's just everything i hate about the chibnall era coalesced into one steaming pile of dogshit.

top five:

heaven sent. sorry to be basic but. heaven sent. i love it so much it's so perfect. and reading it through a classics lens makes it even better. i'm planning on doing the capstone for my degree (partly) on this episode as a modern representation of katabasis. the acting, the music, rachel talalay's directing, g-d. it's so good.

dalek. honestly every single one of nine's episodes fuck so hard and i don't dislike a single one of them. but eccleston really acted his ass off in this one and it's such a wonderful exploration of the doctor's time war trauma. it's the only episode that manages to make daleks scary. rose is amazing in it. "it's not the one pointing a gun at me" and "and what about you, doctor? what the hell are you changing into?" "oh rose. they're all dead" OUGHHHH. the ending hits so fucking hard.

mummy on the orient express. i think i'm legally obligated to put this one on my top five because i have watched it nearly a dozen times this year alone. it's such a good episode. great monster. clara and the doctor both get to be incredibly bisexual. it's the one episode of doctor who in which the phrase "sex machine" exists. what more could you possibly ask for.

the christmas invasion. it's sooooo good it's so good. it's tied with the husbands of river song as my favorite christmas special, but it's higher on my list of Overall Episodes. if that makes sense. again rose is incredible in it. david tennant makes the entrance of all time. they're so in love and so fucking stupid about it. song for ten... well i woke up today... and the world was a restless plaaaace.... it could have been that way for me........

the pilot. bill is gorgeous and perfect and wonderful. twelve being a wacky professor was the best choice anyone has ever made. it's like a crash course in doctor who but also a fun and well made episode with absolutely gorgeous music. i love it i love it i love it. murray gold put the s10 soundtrack on spotify right now.

it's so hard limiting myself to just five... i'm sure i'll think of an episode tomorrow and be like DAMN that should have been on the list... but that's okay <3

#i wanted to put turn left on the top 5 list because i truly love it #but i don't rewatch it as much as the other ones because it makes me sad </3 #doctor who #send me a 🔥 and a topic and i’ll say an unpopular opinion

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petalsonmoon · 2 years

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first love is a little foolish. is dangerous when it is also the last.

(english is not my first language so my sincere apologies. gwen didn’t die and they just broke up. life happens).

"getting married seem scary."

you walk with a slow pace without direction, just enjoying how beautiful the hotel garden is.

“perhaps” he answers.

“i mean they knew each other since high school. we” you gesticulate and he lets out a small laugh “we actually saw their love grow during it. we were there so we know they will last. we know their love is real and true.”

“so you’re saying because we’re old now we won’t have that.”

he looks at you and you take a deep breath as if you were thinking about the answer that was on the tip of your tongue “yeah.”

the lightness in your conversation makes you not want to stop talking “no. i’m just saying that being an adult is just… too serious. i can’t help but feel childish using the word crush to describe someone i like to a friend.”

he tilts his head with a small smile on his face. he haven’t change one bit.

“you may have a point.”

“right???”

“but we can find true love as an adult… and we have the maturity and perception of the world that makes a relationships last.” he points to where the party was happening with his head “they were just lucky. and had time on their favor.”

"wise words.”

“i know you remember i was the top student of our class” you roll your eyes at his words.

a breeze hits you as if it wanted to show that it was listening to your conversation.

“i just really miss the simplicity of high school." the drink in your hand was starting to get hot. you take a sip and feel the alcohol warm you up.

"it's a way to put it."

you lean against the wall outside the hotel. "you don't agree."

"i didn't say that."

"but you have remarks." you see an almost imperceptible smile on his face.

"it was simple because we didn't have to worry about reality so much. but i really don't miss being that emotionally vunerable."

he stops walking in front of you. he looks at the ground like he’s lost in his own head, as if he were thinking about the reason for saying what he said. it’s easy to come to the conclusion that he is the most beautiful man of the party. the most beautiful you've ever seen if you're being honest to yourself.

but like he said, let's not let our emotions speak louder.

"well some of us didn't date the most beautiful girl of the entire school at the time, parker" hearing his laugh takes you directly to 6 years ago, when you both were still in high school. "some of us were actually losers."

"you were not a loser."

"oh i was more than that. i was a nobody."

"that's dramatic." he looks at you with a teasing smile but with a gentle voice. something about this man makes you wanna tell him all your secrets and insecurities because you were sure he would never judge you or your choices. "i saw you."

"did you?"

"of course." he frowns lighly. "your headphones were like a part of you, an organ. you got angry very easily with your loose hair so you always ended up tying it. you had this keychain that always announced when you were getting close, and it was really sweet when you never once forgot to give me a good morning before bending down to your locker bellow mine."

if he had continued you were certain your eyes would have filled with tears.

"but you didn't really see me, did you?" you whisper.

his eyebrows rose lightly and you understood it as a sign of confusion. you would never see him again after today, so why not?

"i was too in love with you, parker."

one thing that haven't changed about him was that peter looked into your eyes while you talked to him. he pays attention to people. he listens.

"when you started skateboarding, i made a promise to myself to learn and buy one just so we could have that in common." you laugh a little, trying to distract yourself from the pressure of being watched intensely. "when you appeared with those bruises and black eyes from god knows what i talked to you. i always tried to distract you so you’d smile at least once during a tough day."

you really wish you had a bottle of champagne on your hand right now.

"i couldn't do much because... you know."

you couldn't look away from his tie but you were able to see him nodding. he was in a relationship for gods sake. a beautiful one.

despite everything, your head being like a hurricane of thoughts your racing heart and warm body, you smile. "you broke my heart peter parker but you also were the reason for it beating faster."

and yet the chocolate brown of his eyes was cozy. it's impossible not to like Peter Parker.

he takes a deep breath. the next few seconds are filled with an indescribable silence and it's almost as if nothing had happened.

in a slow movement he takes his hand to your free one. he takes it gently but doesn't make any more movements, just watches you holding hands.

"saving up to buy a skateboard. such a loser."

"ridiculous."

"and did you learn?"

"a little. but the uncertainty of not knowing if i wouldn’t just fall and die didn't let me learn completely."

he scoffs. "you're unbearably dramatic."

"i'm just saying you can fall from that thing and hit your head on the corner of a table. so dangerous."

you hardly notice his thumb caressing in your hand causing butterflies to fly in your stomach. jesus y/n you're an adult. what is this.

“i see you now.” his voice is so sincere that you can't divert your eyes from his.

“it’s the first time we see each other in 6 years pretty boy.”

you don’t really know why your voices are so low. but it makes you feel like you’re in your own little world.

“and yet” he takes a step forward and a breeze hits you, as if she were encouraging him. “you are childishly blushing right now.”

you lower your head, leaning your forehead on his shoulder. you don’t really know what to say anymore.

“it’s okay to feel nervous around a crush, lovely”

you silently laugh “you’re always so calm.”

“so you’re not hearing my heart going insane over there?”

with his free hand he raises your head until you find his eyes. mesmerizing.

his forehead meets yours. you could feel his thumb caressing your cheek.

so he kisses you. a warm and slow kiss. it has a meaning though you can’t really understand it yet.

you feel a drop of water on your forehead but you take your time to slip up. there’s no rush.

he moves away and hugs you tight. your heart relaxes.

#peter parker #tasm!peter parker x reader #spiderman #andrew garfield #peter parker imagine #peter parker x reader #peter parker x you #tasm!peter parker imagine #spiderman imagine

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will80sbyers · 9 months

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I knew and didn't know at the same time, at first I didn't have the words to describe it and I thought everybody felt that way but then I started to receive the message - I don't know how or from where - that it wasn't something people were supposed to do or like, it was weird and I was already weird enough without adding that to the list, so I was straight because everybody was straight and I was supposed to like boys so I had to put away the extreme jealousy I felt for my first best friend because it was weird and I had to only look at boys... Then I started to learn that it was ok I guess? and "love is love" but being bisexual is just something that people that want attention do and it's mostly because they liked having sex(omg!) with a lot of people and they also only did that because guys found it sexy...! Well, it is but... Um, no, just for boys, I mean... Then growing up I luckily stumbled on feminism 101 and got a few of those bs ideas out of my mind but I had always been straight so there was no point in thinking about it anymore I had found a boy I liked a lot and oh yeah that's love and yeah I do like boys for sure. After the first heartbreak of my life here she comes, the most beautiful girl I've ever seen is in my school but the reason I go and introduce myself in a very extroverted way is not because I knew that I liked her but because "she had good vibes and I felt like I had to introduce myself" cut to a few years later and we are best friends now but I feel so weird around her all the time and I don't know why and sometimes I think I'm having gay thoughts but actually it's just that everybody has weird thoughts like that it's normal and we are both dating guys anyway...I'm not comfortable cuddling with girls because I don't like people touching me anyway unless we are dating that's the only reason... I'm not comfortable changing in front of girls or watching them change because I am not ok with how my body looks and it's just insecurities and wanting privacy.... That's it.

I'm not having weird thoughts when I look. Because sometimes I look.

Cut to the second heartbreak of my life and losing her because I was too depressed to reach out and I let the friendship slowly die and we didn't go to school together anymore and she was dating someone and I wasn't... I was still straight in my mind.

Then things get better and I meet the second boy that I've been in love with and make new friends and start so many tv shows and these shows are... Not straight, and then I join a fandom online and at the same time start meeting a bunch of queer people in my old university but I'm still " straight!!!!" so I feel out of place(I was in the closet and didn't want to think about being queer at all) and don't pursue those friendships and then I end up leaving because it's not the right university (no one will ever be) and then one year later I'm still in love with my boyfriend but I can't deny it anymore and now I'm feeling good about it actually, it's scary but I'm taking a bit of confidence in it and letting myself think and imagine a relationship with a woman and it's nice. I can see myself in it. I'm okay and I'm bisexual and I start telling my friends...

and here we are lots of years after the third heartbreak of my life I'm still bisexual... as I always was 💗💜💙

#bisexuality #Bi tag #Bisexual #The Bi experience lmao #why did I write down all this idk

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weird-dere-writes · 11 months

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@kweenkatsuki-fics this post this is to answer your question about the flowers in the tags on the proposal post! And perhaps give a little insight on me as well :3.

Ichigo got and put those flowers on the sides of that letter both because he simply knew I liked them but also because they have a meaning too! One I taught him about uwu.

Water lilies and lotuses are technically different flowers, but they are essentially the same to me (at least aesthetic wise) uwu. And both have very similar meanings. They are my favorite flowers 🪷🩷 (like how you love sunflowers! 🌻🤎).

Water lilies are often associated with birth and resurrection, purity and majesty, and enlightenment

Lotuses, similarly, symbolize rebirth and purity, with the added meaning of overcoming adversity

As far as lotuses go specifically, I heard something from an art therapist I used to watch a lot (cus i wanted to and perhaps still do want to be one, one day). She learned it from someone else too ofc. But the saying is "No mud, no lotus".

Based on how lotuses (and water lilies) push up out of the mud to bloom into their pretty selves. The adage meant to remind one that you cannot grow into something more beautiful or just more in general without going through something hard that might teach you things.

Idk the idea of rebirth in general is just something so close to me because i am always wanting to grow and evolve into a better version of myself. I want to experience a rebirth of sorts in my body, my character, my style, my intellect and more many many times. Get comfortable with the idea of change so it isn't always as scary when it counts. Its why I want my first tattoo to be an ankh on top of a lotus/waterlily 🫶🏾. Just something really simple n relatively small.

Anyways back to the proposal. Like I said, Ichi got those flowers because he knew I like them. But I think deep down he also wants them to represent two things.

What he feels I've done as his partner and love so far. He feels I've changed him for the better; made him a new man. He feels like his life is different with me; he thinks differently. And perhaps he thinks me to be majestic too~ <3.

What he wants for our relationship to be going forward. He wants our love to be pure and true, and something only we share with one another. He wants us to continue discovering new things about one another and to grow/evolve together (as individuals and when we come together as a couple uwu). And most importantly he wants us to come out of hard times stronger :,))).

also gonna tag @katsukikitten @strawberrystepmom and @burnishedcrown for some more ichidere and also just twyla lore 😚💋💋💋💋

#ichidere

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f1luver-95 · 8 months

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Fate Charles Leclerc Story…

…Chapter 1…

...January 2022...

Today was the day.... the day that I would be walking down the aisle to my future. It's scary to think that at 26 years old I will be someone's wife.

I can't help but smile as I remember the times when I was five years old dressing up in our mothers wedding dresses with my best friend Lucy. We would dream about how our lives would be as we grew up.

We would always say that no matter what or no matter where we were in the world we would always be there for each other through the good, the bad and the ugly. Lucy has always been my person, we were inseparable growing up, and too this day we are still inseparable. She is the only person besides my family that I can count on, she loves me unconditionally.

It's crazy how much has changed since the days when we would dress up in wedding dresses and plan our imaginary weddings.

Looking at myself in the mirror... my blue eyes starring back at me as I took a deep breath.

My long brown hair in a low bun with wisps of hair framing my face. My freckles hidden under the layers of makeup that I never usually wore, I looked unrecognizable.

The nerves of the wedding making me feel nauseous. I felt like the weight of the world was on my shoulders and that I could throw up at any minute.

I could feel a small tear form at the corner of my eye as it slowly rolled down my cheek. I reached up and wiped it away as I contemplated my next move. I had watched enough romantic movies to know, I wasn't supposed to be feeling this way on my wedding day.

Was it cold feet or was it my body telling me that marrying him was not the right decision?

Before I met Jake I was a different person then the one staring back at me today.

But now that I'm staring at my reflection in the mirror, I'm starting to hate the person I have become. I have become someone who lets herself be manipulated, treated like crap and never stands up for herself, because I was scared to rock the boat.

I've become the women who begs to be loved by the person who is treating her horribly.

I have been so focused on making him happy that I have neglected myself, and what I needed to make myself happy.

Growing up my parents made sure that my sister and I always knew how strong and powerful we are. Somewhere along the way I lost that sense of empowerment, and all I wanted was to get that feeling back.

I used to love going on adventures. Lucy and I were constantly going on fun adventures, traveling the world and exploring different countries and cultures.

Heck I even spent my early 20's living in Australia and England, working as a live in nanny.

Working with children is one of the only things that truly made me feel happy and free. Like I can be 100 percent myself.... I feel confident and I'm not afraid of being judged when I am with children.

I could escape from my head, the part of me that is constantly worried about people judging me. So I made it my mission to make working with children my career.

Jake always hated that I chose to work with children as my career. I would always hear 'get a real job,' 'your job is so easy anyone could do it... I could even do it if I wanted too.'

Every single time he would make those comments he made me feel useless and worthless.

Did I really want to marry someone who made me feel this way?

If you asked me six years ago about my wedding day, I would have told you it would have been the best day of my life.

Things at the beginning were perfect, he swept me off my feet and made me feel so loved and like I was his priority.

Sadly things have been different ever since Jake proposed to me. His mom moved in with us when she divorced her fifth husband. The second that she told Jake she was getting a divorce she started making statements that she couldn't be on her own and that she needed her son to take care of her. The next day Jake packed up her stuff and she moved in with us... not that I had much say as I was the one to move in with Jake.

Over time it became evident that he was slowly choosing her over me, canceling our dates so that he could be there for his mom.

I absolutely hated it when I was alone with her because she would make comments like, 'why are you on birth control and using condoms? Your supposed to be giving me grand babies...' meaning that she went through our garbage can in our bedroom.

Every time I would tell Jake what she would say to me he would not believe me. After a while I wouldn't tell him, because what was the point if he wasn't going to believe me anyway.

It was almost like he had only proposed because his mom forced him. He was not interested in any part of the wedding planning and every time I mentioned it to him he would roll his eyes or not even look at me, to busy playing his video game.

Every time he would get mad at me he would tell me he loved me a little bit less each time. He would make comments that I was stupid or dumb when I didn't understand something.

I couldn't help but wonder if I was making the right decision by marrying him.

Did I truly love him, or did I love the idea of getting married and starting a family?

Everything was setup for the wedding. We had booked a hotel venue, that has a gorgeous event room that over looked the Miami waters.

I heard a knock on the door, breaking me from my thoughts.

I turned around in the chair I was sitting in and saw my little sister Katie and Lucy walk into the room, a nervous look on both their faces.

"What's wrong?" I questioned as I quickly jumped up from the seat I was sitting in and rushed over to them. Fearing that something had gone wrong with the venue set up.

Katie was in charge of making sure the tables were set just the way I had envisioned. And Lucy was the person the vendors were supposed to contact if there was something wrong.

"We are so worried about you, you have not seemed happy the couple of years but especially the last 6 months. You are supposed to be so happy leading up to your wedding." Lucy said as she pulled me into a big hug.

"Danielle, please don't be mad at us. We did it because we love you, and you deserve to do the things that make you happy." My little sister Katie said as she walked farther into the room I was occupying holding a small white envelope in her hands.

I looked at her, curious. "What are you talking about?"

"Just read the letter." Lucy said as she looked down, afraid to look me in my eyes.

My eyes glanced down at the letter that was now in my hands. I looked at the address that the letter came from and it came from Monaco, which confused me even more. I didn't know anyone from Monaco. I quickly opened the letter and began to read.

Dear Ms. Danielle Andersen,

Thank you so much for applying for the nanny position.

We are extremely impressed with your resume, and your experience as a live in nanny in both England and Australia. Your previous employers could not say enough good things about you.

We look forward to welcoming you into our home and into our busy lifestyle, we believe you are the perfect fit.

We look forward to getting to know you better,

Kelly Piquet and Max Verstappen

I looked up from the letter shocked, what has just happened? What had I just read?

Max Verstappen... wasn't he the formula 1 racer?

I didn't know much about the sport just that he was consistently winning races.

They wanted ME to be their nanny...

Just the thought of traveling to new places made my heart jump in excitement... Something that I hadn't felt in a while.

"Oh, Katie... Lucy" I started before pausing, trying to find the right words to say as a tear slowly started to roll down my cheek.

My head spinning as a million different thoughts ran though my head.

I thought about the letter I just read, and the marriage I was about to jump headfirst into... the marriage that seemed to be already falling apart at the seams.

"Elle, I have seen you suffering in silence for years. I've seen you slowly lose your light and your beautiful smile." Lucy said as she cupped my face between her hands, using one of her thumbs to gently brush away the tear that was slowly running down my face.

I could see her take a deep breath as Katie started speaking.

"We miss your smile; we miss your adventurous spirit. The moment you met Jake, you have been slowly but surely losing yourself to make him shine and be happy. When has he ever put you first? When has he ever established boundaries with his mom? You spent 4 years in a relationship where all you did was put them first. For gods sake you neglected your own happiness to provide and take care of them."

Katie took another deep breath as she pulled me into her arms for a big hug.

"Last week we were looking for nanny jobs overseas for you, and this one popped up. I quickly called Lucy and we decided that we should apply for you; we hoped you would get it. So, you could leave this place, and start over."

Tears welled in my eyes as I pulled both her and Lucy into a big group hug.

My wedding dress suddenly feeling a little bit tighter than when I put it on 10 minutes prior, as the nerves of what I was about to do started to get the better of me.

"Katie, you're supposed to be the little sister, when did you get so wise?" I said as I gave her a big hug, thankful for the comfort as tears started to roll down my face.

"I'm going to do it. I have been sacrificing my happiness for way too long. Traveling and being a nanny makes me happy. Now I just need to go tell Jake that I don't want to get married anymore."

"I love you big sis! Now go tell Jake, I'll go tell mom and dad that the wedding is cancelled." Katie said as she gave me a big hug. "I'm so proud of you for finally choosing you, for finally doing what is going to make you happy."

"I'll go tell the venue and the vendors that the wedding is cancelled." Added Lucy as she gave me another big hug, before making her way down to the event space.

I picked up the glass of champagne that was sitting of the table beside me and chugged it before making my way out of the room and down the hall was to where Jake was getting ready for our wedding.

'That's odd.' I thought as I noticed a pair of red heels right by the door of the suit, that the hotel wedding venue had given us.

With each step I took I could feel my heart beating faster and faster as I noticed things around the room.

Looking for any sign or signal that something was not right.

Every step I took, I could feel my heart sink as the realization started to sink in.

The further I stepped in the room the more I noticed, there were two glasses of half drank wine sitting beside a box of untouched chocolate covered strawberry, and an opened box of condoms.

'What the fuck?' I questioned. I could feel my body start to shake in anticipation of what I was about to see next.

When I got to the door of bathroom, I could hear the sound of the shower running, as well as the sounds of loud moans echoed through the room.

Instantly my heart dropped, 'how could he do this to me on our wedding day?' I could feel the tears weld up in my blue eyes.

I was not going to let him see me cry, I was not going to give him the satisfaction of letting him see me hurt.

I took a deep breath and mustered up all the courage I could, as I reached for the door handle.

"Elle" screamed Jake as soon as he saw me. Quickly trying to cover up the person he was having an affair with his body.

To my surprise, the person he was having sex was my childhood friend Alexis.

"YOU!" I screamed as I pointed at him, "How could you? And with my friend."

"Elle, let me explain" stuttered Jake as he frantically reached around for a towel as he stepped out of the shower.

I looked over towards Alexis and I could see her smirking at me. Just the sight of her smirking at me made my anger boiling inside of me come to a head.

"Elle, babe. It's not my fault that you couldn't satisfy Jake sexually. I'm only giving him what you couldn't." Alexis said as she twirled soaking wet blond hair around her ring finger, the biggest smirk on her face.

"Alexis, babe" I mimicked " a little word of advice, he's only with you because you made it easy for him. Do yourself a favour and get out now. You don't want to have to deal with him or his mother."

"And YOU, are you fucking kidding me... after everything I have put up with for you. You couldn't do the decent thing and tell me you wanted to end things instead of cheating on me with my friend. I dealt with the constant lies and manipulation from both you and your mother. I had to live with the controlling behaviours, afraid to stand up for myself. I put up with all of that for you because I loved you. I put your happiness before my own. I stopped doing the things I love because of you. I was losing myself to make you happy. And you didn't even notice, you were too busy fucking my best friend."

Quickly I slipped off the engagement ring that had been on my ring finger for the last for two years, throwing it on the ground as I walked out of the room, my head held high so that they did not have the satisfaction of seeing me cry.

When I got into my car the tears ran down my cheeks like a waterfall as I desperately tried to wipe them away.

"Fuck them." I screamed out in frustration as I put my car in dive. 'I deserve better than the way he treated me. I'm going to find someone who treats me better than Jake ever did'

I quickly turned onto the highway and made my way to the apartment I had been living in for the past 3 years.

In record time I packed up my belongings and put them into the trunk of my vehicle. Thankfully I didn't have much things at the apartment.

I drove to my parents house to drop off my belongings, as I only planned on bringing my carryon and one suitcase.

I was going to drive to the airport and hop on the first flight out to Monaco so I could start me new adventure. I was not going to let anything stop me from being myself and happy again.

I could see my parents standing at the door, waiting for me when I pulled into their driveway.

"Oh Elle," my mother said as she pulled me into a big hug as soon as I stepped out of the car. "I'm so proud of you, what you did takes a lot of courage and strength."

"Hey, it's my turn to hug her now." My dad teased as he pulled me from my mothers arms and gave me a big hug. I couldn't help but smile as a tear rolled down my cheek, there is something about a fathers embrace that makes you feel safe and loved. "I'm so proud of the women you are today. I will always be here to support you, no matter what."

"Hey! Is it my turn yet? Elle has a plane to catch" Katie whined as she pulled me into her arms for a big hug. "Love you big sister, amazing things are about to come your way. Please promise me something... If love comes knocking on your door, please don't be afraid to answer it. I have a feeling your person is on his way to you."

"I promise." I said giggling.

"Here's your plane ticket." Dad said as he handed me a plane ticket. "As soon as Katie told us about the job opportunity we booked your flight."

"But how did you know you I was going to take the job?"

"We had faith that you would finally see what we have been seeing for the last three years. You deserve the world Elle. Fight for what you want and don't settle just because your afraid of the unknown." My father said as he pulled me close for another hug.

"If you ever need us, please call and we will be on the first flight to you." My mother added as she gave me one last hug.

I waved goodbye to my sister and parents and hopped into a Uber making my way to the Miami airport to start my new adventure.

Once I got to the airport I thanked the driver and made my way inside the airport my carry one and suitcases wheeled behind me.

There was only a small crowd of people at the airport, so checking into the flight and going through security was effortless.

Before making my way to the gate, I stopped by the Starbucks and got myself a grande ice Carmel macchiato.

I was just about to start walking when I felt something knocking into me, causing the coffee I was holding in my arms to spill all over me.

"Oof" I gasped out, looking down at my now coffee stained white T-shirt.

"oh mon dieu." The handsome stranger said, as he looked down at my now stained t-shirt.

"I'm so sorry, I wasn't paying attention to where I was walking."

His thick French accent catching my attention.

I looked up at the stranger who had bumped into my me and I couldn't help but get lost in his beautiful green eyes.

I could see a faint blush on his cheeks as he was embarrassed about knocking into me.

"Please don't worry, it was an accident. I also wasn't paying attention to where I was going." I said smiling at the stranger hoping to make him feel better about the whole situation.

"Anyways, I kind of like the new look. I know I usually drink my coffee not wearing it, but I think this could be a new fashion trend." I joked trying to make this beautiful stranger laugh.

It was music to my ears when his laugher filled the air.

"Here, please take my sweatshirt. It's the least I can do for ruining your shirt." He said as he pulled the hoodie over his head and held it out for me to take.

"Oh no, really it's okay." I said as I tried to hand back the hoodie that was now in my hands.

"Please." He begged, as he smiled at me.

"Fine," I huffed admitting defeat as I pulled the hoodie over my head, catching a whiff of the cologne he was wearing. Damn he smelled amazing. "Thank you."

"It's the least I could do, it looks better on you anyways." He said as he ran his fingers through his hair smiling. The movement, allowed me to see his bicep muscles that were peaking out from his white t-shirt.

"Calling passengers on flight 130 to Italy. The plane is ready for boarding. Calling all passengers in first class to board first" Rang through the speakers throughout the airport.

"That's me." The stranger sighed as he gave me a small smile. "Have a safe flight."

"You too." I said as I watched him walk towards his gate.

I couldn't help but giggle as I thought about what just happened, as I made my way to my gate. This kind of stuff happens in movies... not to normal people like me.

…Charles's POV…

As I rushed to reach my gate, my mind couldn't help but drift to the beautiful brown hair, blue eyed women.

I couldn't get the pictures of her wearing my hoodie out of my mind, the way it hung loosely on her petite body.

The images of her smiling face engraved into my mind the moment I bumped into her spilling all her coffee on her.

Thankfully she was drinking an ice coffee or the accident would have been more serious.

The sound of her laugh when she joked with me about me spilling her coffee all over her. I could tell that she was trying to make me feel better about the whole situation.

As I reached the gate, slightly out of breath I could see my little brother Arthur standing at the gate waiting for me to board.

"Bro, What took you so long?" He questioned as he saw me rush towards him a big smile on my face. "Dude, why are you smiling like that? And what the hell happened to your sweatshirt?"

"Bro, I think I just ran into my future wife." I sighed as her adorable smile pierced through my mind. "I just wish there was some way, I could find her again."

I quickly told him what happened as i handed the lady at the gate my passport, and boarding pass.

"Bro, if it's meant to be you will run into her again, hopefully not making a fool of your self this time." Arthur teased as we walked towards our seats.

#charles leclerc #charles leclerc fanfic #romance fanfiction #f1 fic #f1 fanfic #charles imagine #f1 imagine #racing fanfic #wattpad #fanfiction

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canonicallyobserving911 · 1 year

Text

Seven Several Sentences Sunday

Fanonwriter2023 on AO3

Where CANON and FANON collide!

FANON speculation for season 7

Tagged by: @spotsandsocks. Thank you for tagging me💕.

___________

I’m sharing seven several sentences from chapter 5 of “I’m still in love with you but... I needed to learn how to love myself too!”

I’m so excited about Chapter 5 for several reasons but mainly because Buck and Eddie finally face their toxic parents so they can talk about things they’ve been avoiding, i.e., Helena’s impulsive need to control her children and the rest of the secret the Buckleys have been hiding about Buck’s conception.

___________

Here are two snippets from chapter 5 since Eddie’s still in El Paso and Buck surprises his parents after he arrives in Hershey.

___________

Eddie argues with Helena

Helena looks down then back up at him. “Maria told us the fire captain who went to Dennis and Patricia’s house offered you a job here in El Paso so why don’t you just accept it and move back home? I can help you with Christopher’s care and you wouldn’t have to travel all the way from Los Angeles every time I want to see you.”

Eddie huffs and furrows his brow. “Mom, there’s a lot of I’s in what you just said and you want me to move back home. We don’t live here anymore… our lives are in L.A.”

Eddie hadn’t realized it until he said the words out loud that his and Chris’ home is not in El Paso anymore but he’s so frustrated with his mom trying to control him that he pushes the words down in a box so he can deal with them later.

Helena scowls at him but he’s undeterred.

Eddie frowns at the look she gives him then in a low voice he asks, “Why are you always trying to control me?”

She snaps back, “When have I ever tried to control you?”

“Well… let’s see… you tried to take my son from me before I moved to L.A. You’re constantly making negative and rude comments in front of everyone about what you think Chris can and can’t do and you make him feel like a baby. He asked me why you always do that and I tried to explain it but the truth is you did the same thing to me when I was growing up.”

She shakes her head no and exasperatedly responds, “When did I… I never did that Eddie, that’s not true.”

“It is true because you had something negative to say about everything I did and every choice I made. You were never satisfied unless I did what you wanted me to do. You belittled Chris’ mother and you’re still doing it but she’s been dead for more than five years.”

Buck’s parents finally tell him the truth

“We had to try Evan; I mean we loved Daniel even though he was…” Phillip trails off, shakes his head then continues. “We couldn’t just sit around and let him die. Now that you know the whole truth, me saying it again won’t change anything but Daniel was our son.”

A horrifying laugh escapes Buck’s lips and it surprises not only his parents but it surprises him too since it sounds terrifyingly scary.

“Well… I’m your son too but you never tried to save me not even once!”

Margaret and Phillip gasp.

Buck keeps looking at them and he doesn’t look away when he says, “A few months ago, you watched me while I was in a coma for days and I almost died… and you��ve known about this my whole life but you didn’t tell me… why?” He shakes his head in disbelief.

When they don’t respond he says, “Mom, I guess your actions explain everything you’ve ever said to me and about me.”

“Evan, what do you… I mean how so?” Margaret asks.

All the memories from his childhood come flooding back and he continues.

“You mean you don’t remember… because I do. You despised me when I was growing up but now… I—I finally know why. You never wanted me in the first place and the reason has always been because of your secret, am I right?”

He can see his mother visibly swallow but he’s undeterred and he keeps talking.

“You literally hated me and that’s why you told dad when I was five years old after I fell off Daniel’s bike, “We live with a reminder every day!” I remember it and now I know that I’m a reminder of what you did and you can’t stand to look at me!”

___________

Summary: Months after Buck and Eddie were hit by the same lightning strike; they’re still struggling with the aftermath of it. But before they make their love confessions, they’ll spend time getting to know themselves as individuals first. Eddie learns to enjoy the simple things in life as he participates in activities on his own and with new friends while Buck learns the rest of the 31-year-old deep dark family secret about his conception and birth. Their journey to forever is still a work in progress but once they finally admit they’re in love with each other, everything that follows their love confessions will be cataclysmic.

__________

Chapter Summaries

Chapter 1 - Eddie makes a new friend while Buck receives devastating news regarding the sperm donation he made for Connor and Kameron.

Chapter 2 - Buck does a lot of research to learn more about the abnormalities found in his red blood cells and Eddie starts a new therapy journey that’s all about him and not the traumas he’s experienced.

Chapter 3 - After more than a month, Buck and Eddie finally spend time together outside of work but it doesn’t end well and they part with a lot of uncertainty regarding their places in each other’s lives.

Chapter 4 - Eddie has a few realizations about his life which causes him to consider moving back to El Paso, TX while Buck continues to be reminded of his past which causes him to take an impromptu road trip across America.

Chapter 5 - Will be posted soon.

__________

I’m enjoying writing this fic because it’s giving me the chance to unravel the mess that was the 6x18 ending for Buck, Eddie and Chris. Also, it’s taking them places the show refuses to go including Buck driving to Hershey, PA to face his parents and Eddie trying to decide if he should accept a job with the EPFD and relocated himself and Chris back to El Paso.

Buddie Multi-Chapter Fanfic - Hiatus Reading

Read chapters 1, 2, 3 & 4 on AO3.

No pressure tagging: @shortsighted-owl

#buddie #eddie diaz #evan buckley #christopher diaz #the buckley diaz family #buckley diaz family #911 fox #911 on fox #911onfox #911 abc #911 on abc #911 fanfic #buddie fanfic #ao3 fanfic #Fanonwriter2023 on AO3 #Hiatus Reading #I'm still in love with you but I needed to learn how to love myself too #911 season 7 speculation #911 season 7

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welcome-to-roomba-fazbender · 11 months

Note

Charlie read us the bee movie script

"FUCK YOU"

"I'M READING THE ENTIRE"

"MY OCTOPUS TEACHER TRANSCRIPT"

WARNING: VERY LONG POST

"A lot of people say that an octopus is like an alien.

But the strange thing is, as you get closer to them,

you realize that we're very similar in a lot of ways.

You're stepping into this completely different world.

Such an incredible feeling.

And you feel you're on the brink of something extraordinary.

But you realize that there's a line that can't be crossed.

It's quite a long time ago now, that day when it all started.

This place on the tip of Africa is known as the Cape of Storms.

My childhood memories are completely dominated

by the rocky shore, the intertidal and the kelp forest.

We had this little wooden bungalow,

literally below the high-water mark.

So when those huge storms used to come in,

the ocean used to smash the doors down and fill up the bottom of the house.

So it was incredibly exciting as a child

to literally live in the force of that giant Atlantic Ocean.

Most of my childhood was spent in the rock pools,

diving in the shallow kelp forest.

That's what I most loved to do.

As an adult, I'd been separated from that.

And that was fine at first.

Until I went to the central Kalahari about 20 years ago.

I was making a film called The Great Dance with my brother.

And then I met these men

who were probably some of the best trackers in the world.

To watch these men...

go into the incredible, subtle signs in nature,

things that my eye couldn't even see,

and then follow them, sometimes for hours,

and find hidden animals in the landscape

was just extraordinary to witness.

I mean, they just were inside of the natural world.

And I could feel I was outside.

And I had this deep longing to be inside that world.

I went through two years of absolute hell.

I had been working hard for a long time,

I'd just worn myself out.

I hadn't slept properly for months.

My family was suffering.

And I was getting sick from all the pressure.

My mind couldn't deal with all that stuff.

And I didn't wanna see a camera or an edit suite ever again.

I couldn't even face that.

Your great purpose in life is now...

just in pieces.

And you've got this young child that's growing up.

Tom.

I just couldn't, in that state, be a good father to my son.

I had to have a radical change.

And I took inspiration from my childhood,

and I took inspiration from these master trackers

I worked with in the Kalahari.

And the only way I knew how to do it was to...

be in this ocean.

In the beginning, it's a hard thing to get in the water.

It's one of the wildest, most scary places to swim on the planet.

The water drops to as low as eight, nine degrees Celsius.

The cold takes your breath away.

And you just have to relax.

And then you'll get this beautiful window of time

for 10, 15 minutes.

Suddenly...

everything feels okay.

The cold upgrades the brain because you're getting this flood of chemicals

every time you immerse in that cold water.

Your whole body comes alive.

And then, as your body adapts, it just becomes easier and easier.

And eventually...

after about a year...

you start to crave the cold.

What's so amazing about this environment

is you're in a three-dimensional forest,

and you can jump off the top and go wherever you want.

You're flying, basically.

You might as well be on another planet.

You naturally just get more relaxed in the water.

You get to be able to hold your breath for longer.

Having a scuba t*nk in a thick kelp forest

is not optimal for me.

I want to be more like an amphibious animal.

Instinctively, I knew not to wear a wet suit.

If you really wanna get close to...

an environment like this,

it helps tremendously to have no barrier to that environment.

And I suddenly realized I've got energy to take images and film again...

and then picked up my camera again

and started doing the thing I love and what I know.

The animals are extremely exotic and strange.

It's, like, much more extreme than our maddest science fiction.

I remember that day when it all started.

I found this very, very special area

that is protected with a big piece of kelp forest,

'cause the forest itself actually dampens the swell.

And the whole forest around there

is absolutely murky, and you can't see a thing.

And in this little 200-meter patch, you can dive

and observe.

And it's an incredible place.

And I remember there was this strange shape to my left

and just going down...

and seeing this really strange thing.

The fish even seemed to be confused.

And then, suddenly...

At the time, I didn't know

I'd witnessed something extraordinary.

I'd come in at the end of a whole drama.

You think, "What on earth is this animal doing?"

And I think she was a little bit afraid of me,

so she lifted this incredibly slippery...

piece of algae that you can hardly hold with your hands

and just wrapped it in this extraordinary cloak around her

and then stared at me out of the little gap.

And then, boom, you know, she was gone.

It's a hard thing to explain,

but sometimes you just get a feeling,

and you know

there's-- there's something to this creature that's very unusual.

There's something to learn here.

There's something special about her.

And then I had this crazy idea.

What happens if I just went every day?

What happens if I... I never missed a day?

And, initially, she was clearly being affected by my presence,

so I thought, "I'll leave the camera there,

and then that will record her going about her business."

She sees this shiny new thing in the forest.

Coming at it with a shield,

just in case it att*cked, and put up the shield.

This is something different. This is interesting.

Touching it, feeling it, tasting it.

If she was in a playful mood, you couldn't leave it there for too long.

She'd just pull the thing over.

It took going in every day to really get to know her environment better.

Initially, it all just seems like much of the same thing.

But then, after a while, you see all the different types of the forest.

You get the old-growth forest.

You get the forest with a lot of different algae growing in the bottom.

You get the misty forest.

As I started to map the environment around her den,

it was shocking to see small caves really close to her,

packed with pyjama sharks.

And they really are her most serious predator.

Their skin is striped. That's why they're called a pyjama shark.

They're not visual predators.

But they have an incredible sense of smell.

And they are particularly aggressive.

They can shove their noses into a small cr*ck.

So they are deadly little octopus predators.

And I was thinking, "Well, how long before something happens with these animals?"

After visiting her more and more and more,

there was a definite moment where...

that fear had subsided tremendously.

She'd see big movement,

and she'd be slightly afraid and then look, "Oh, it's him."

And she'd come out and be very curious.

Very interested, very curious, but not taking stupid chances.

Keeping all the other arms attached to the den

and the suckers in place.

And then it just happens.

I put my hand out a tiny bit.

Something happens when that animal makes contact.

But, at some point, you're gonna have to breathe.

So you've got to very gently

prize off those suckers

without disturbing her,

so that you can actually go up and take a breath.

By far the most powerful

is when it comes out the den

because that's when you know there's full trust.

There's no holding the arms back just in case I have to pull back.

It's like, "I totally trust this human,

and I'm coming out of the den,

and I'm gonna go about my business."

I started to see pretty extraordinary things.

They can look spiky. They can look smooth.

Grow horns on their heads.

They can match color, texture, pattern, skin.

It's beautiful.

Most of the time, she's jetting or crawling or swimming.

But occasionally,

two legs come out.

She walks.

And off she goes, striding away,

walking bipedally.

She puts her body into this strange posture that kind of looks like a rock.

And then two of those arms underneath slowly moving,

so the rock is just slowly moving away.

And then she changes

into this extraordinary, wobbly, flowy old lady in a dress.

Perhaps she's trying to mimic

kelp or algae moving in the swell...

and, at the same time, is slowly moving away.

And this is how she works.

This incredible creativity to deceive.

An octopus is essentially a snail that's lost its shell in evolution.

A very fragile, liquid, soft animal

that relies on tremendous intelligence.

She's got no mother or father to teach her anything. She's alone.

'Cause you've got all these different types of predators, all hunting her.

So, over millions of years, she's had to...

come up with the most incredible methods to deceive them.

And she's got to learn fast because

she's only got just over a year to live.

When you're diving alone, everything about my kit has to be perfect.

And I've gotta be prepared for all eventualities.

I can't be fiddling around. It's gotta be instinctive.

But, at that point, I was making a lot of mistakes.

One day, she was following me.

And that's the most incredible thing, is to be followed by an octopus.

You know, you're just backing away, moving backwards,

and this incredible animal is coming towards you.

And there's not a lot of fear in it at all.

It's curious, and there's trust,

and it's like this fantastic feeling.

And then, bam!

I dropped one of my lenses,

and that thing falling quickly just startles that animal.

And then it turns and rushes, and it's got a huge fright.

And you just... you wanna kick yourself, because it's, you know...

That could have ended in the most incredible interaction and deep trust,

and you've ruined it.

Now, you know, have you ruined it forever?

Uh, is that animal ever gonna trust you?

Has that... has that experience freaked it out too much?

And then I approached her too fast.

And that's when she left the den and got a real fright...

and didn't come back to that den.

And I thought this was over.

She was gone.

I'd had this experience with these incredible San master trackers.

I just thought, "I wonder if anybody could ever track anything underwater?"

This animal has spent millions of years learning to be impossible to find.

I had to learn what octopus tracks looked like.

And that was very frustrating at first, so difficult to discern.

What's the difference between octopus tracks

and heart urchin tracks

and fish tracks...

and worm tracks?

And the predation marks.

The egg casings.

I needed to learn everything.

And then you have to start thinking...

like an octopus.

It's like being a detective.

And you just slowly get all your clues together.

And then I started to...

make breakthroughs.

"Okay, those are the animals she's k*lling."

So I'm looking at kills. I'm looking at little marks, diggings in the sand,

little changes in the algal patterns where she's been moving.

And then knowing, "Okay, this animal is very close now.

It's close. It's within one or two meters."

And then focusing on that small space.

And then, bang!

She's there.

Finally, after looking for her for a week, day after day,

there she was.

It's like a...

a human friend, like, waving and saying, "Hi, I'm excited to see you."

And I could feel it, like from one minute to the next,

"Okay, I trust you. I trust you, human.

And now you can come into my octopus world."

And she's moving towards me.

And my natural instinct is...

to gently back away.

And then I just wanted to keep still, so I held onto a rock.

She just kept coming...

and then covered my whole hand.

I'd been underwater for quite a long time,

so I just gently pushed for the surface, thinking she would move off my hand.

But she didn't. She just rode on my hand right to the surface.

There I was, just staring into the eyes of this incredible creature.

It was difficult to imagine at first

that she was getting anything out of the relationship.

Why would a wild animal, doing its thing,

get anything out of this

strange human creature visiting?

And this is where it gets interesting.

I think quite stimulating for that huge intelligence.

Somehow, she realizes this thing is not dangerous,

so you go and you interact with this human.

And perhaps it does give you some strange octopus level of joy.

When you have that connection with an animal

and have those experiences, it's absolutely mind-blowing.

There's no greater feeling on earth.

The boundaries between her and I seemed to dissolve.

Just the pure magnificence of her.

All I could do at the time was just think of her.

In the water and on land.

I mean, it just became a bit of an obsession.

You just want to visit her every day and see what's going on.

You can't wait to get back in the water.

What goes through her mind? What's she thinking?

Does she dream? If she dreams, what does she dream about?

She just ignited my curiosity in a way that I had not experienced before.

It's very useful to come back home

and try and read as many scientific papers as possible.

She's a common octopus.

Octopus vulgaris is the scientific name.

Two-thirds of her cognition

is actually outside of her brain, in her arms.

Her entire being is thinking, feeling, exploring.

She's got 2,000 suckers, and she's using all of them independently.

How do you do that?

Imagine having 2,000 fingers.

You can compare her intelligence to a cat or a dog

or even to one of the lower primates.

A mollusk shouldn't be this intelligent.

So many times I'd go and search through the scientific papers,

looking for the strange thing I'd seen.

And then you'd just come up absolutely blank. There's nothing.

You're going into a place that's under-studied,

and, almost on a weekly basis, you can find out something new to science.

According to the literature, octopus are supposed to be a nocturnal species.

Now, was she more active at night?

It was a little bit scary in the dark.

These incredible sounds of the humpback whales

coming through the water.

You're on hyperalert.

I couldn't find her. She wasn't in her den.

I'd kind of given up and was going back to the shore.

Something just made me veer slightly to the left.

And there she is...

right in extremely shallow water.

Can't see what she's doing.

These lightning-fast strikes.

Using her arm like this strange w*apon.

Just rolling it up in this fraction of a second.

And I saw her catch three fish like this.

I'd never seen her catching a fish during the day.

Super dangerous out in the deeper forest at night,

so this incredibly clever animal retreats to the shallows,

where it's difficult for these sharks to get to,

and takes advantage of all the wonderful food available there.

The first instinct is to try and scare the sharks away.

But then you realize

that you'd be interfering with the whole process of the forest.

She was out of the den, moving around near the edge of the forest.

I noticed...

the shark.

Body was slightly hunched forward and was following the scent trail.

This is not good.

I think, "Thank God she's safe. She's right under the rock."

These things are coming right into that cr*ck.

And the next minute, the shark is actually clamped down on one of her arms,

doing this terrifying death roll.

And I can clearly see...

her severed arm in its mouth.

You had that terrible feeling in your stomach.

And thank God she managed to get really deep in that cr*ck.

She was moving very badly, slowly, very weak.

She's bleeding. That smell's in the water.

There's quite a distance to the den.

Are these sharks gonna pitch up again?

I thought about helping her back physically to the den.

But, luckily, I didn't need to.

I didn't know...

what was gonna happen to her or if this would make her weak and vulnerable,

and they'd finish her off that night.

And I couldn't help feeling...

had I been responsible for this?

Was she out because I was there?

I felt very vulnerable.

As if somehow what happened to her had happened to me in some strange way.

And then this almost felt, psychologically, like I was...

going through a type of dismembering.

You start thinking about your own death and your own vulnerability,

worried about your family, your child.

I hadn't been a person that was overly sentimental towards animals before.

I realized I was changing.

She was teaching me to become sensitized to the other.

Especially wild creatures.

A scary feeling, going into the water early the next day.

I was very relieved that she was alive, breathing.

She's so weak that she can't make those vibrant colors of a healthy octopus,

and she's just dull and white.

And now I'm worried, "How is she getting food?"

You are crossing a line

when you interfere in the lives of animals.

But I was just too overcome

with my feelings for her.

I don't think it really helped.

And she's right at the back of the den, you know, just not moving much.

I was just checking every day to see if she was okay,

wondering, "Is this the last day? Am I not gonna see her?"

The big relief came a week or so later,

and I could see it had sort of healed over pretty fast.

And then the most amazing thing, to see this...

tiny little miniature, perfect miniature arm...

starting to grow back.

And it gave me a strange sort of confidence

that she can get past this incredible difficulty.

And I felt, in my life, I was getting past the difficulties I had.

In this strange way, our lives were mirroring each other.

My relationship with people, with humans was changing.

My son, at this stage, was very interested in everything underwater.

And every day, I'd tell him the stories.

He'd seen her. He'd met her.

I'd taken him so many times.

The arm becomes pretty functional,

even when it's half grown.

And then, slowly, as the arm grew, she grew her confidence back.

Eventually, about 100 days later, that arm had fully regrown.

An amazing feeling to think that this animal is capable of that

and can withstand such an att*ck and fully recover.

After a while, she was just carrying on with her normal activities,

so I then started a whole new development

of seeing even deeper into her world.

It was a nice, calm, clear day.

She comes around a corner and spots a crab.

The problem when you're a crab,

you're being now hunted by a liquid animal.

She can pour herself through a tiny little cr*ck.

And the crab seems to sense her

and goes and hides underneath a big, poisonous anemone.

And then she waits and hides.

And then the crab thinks, "Okay, everything's all right,"

and makes the mistake of leaving that anemone.

She's quite a messy eater.

Bits going everywhere. The smell's going out.

And then you just look around, and you see these brittle stars,

surprisingly fast, just being drawn to her.

Just a mass of them sort of overwhelm her,

and she doesn't seem sure of what to do or how to deal with them.

So I thought, "Yeah, this is like a real problem now.

She's always gonna have this problem of brittle stars taking all her food."

Not that long in the future,

she's thought, "Okay, brittle stars are stealing my food,"

and has this amazing method of just picking them up with her suckers

and gently just throwing them out the den.

Now she's completely the boss.

She initially adopted the same method to crab hunting with lobster.

You just suddenly see...

lobsters just sh**ting out of the reef.

I'm thinking now, "She's definitely gonna catch this one."

Time and time again, they just evade her.

And then, a couple of weeks later,

watching her coming round the side,

corralling me so that

she can then get between the lobster and myself.

Using me as part of her hunting strategy.

And instead of that messy lunge...

throwing her web over the top.

And then there's nowhere for it to go.

This is an animal that is strategizing

and working out very quickly how best to hunt a very tricky prey.

A lot of her intelligence is built

from the sheer number of prey that she has to catch.

All sorts of animals.

All the mollusks she is capturing, they're quite easy to catch,

but they've got these incredibly hard shells.

Now, how the hell does she k*ll and eat them?

At the base of all those arms,

there's a drill that can drill through hard shell

and then drop venom in there, like a snake,

and see how that mollusk reacts.

But some of these mollusks will only relax

if that drill is precisely in the apex of the shell,

on the abductor muscle.

She basically has to do geometry

to work out exactly the precise spot where she needs to drill that shell

in order to get her food.

This is high-level invertebrate intelligence.

Her ability to learn and remember details.

And it h*t me how she was teaching me so much.

You just can't wait to get up in the morning, 'cause there's so much to do

to understand every little tiny mark,

every little behavior,

every species and what they're doing, how they're interacting.

People ask, "Why are you going to the same place every day?"

But that's when you see the subtle differences.

And that's when you get to know the wild.

So when these thousands of threads going off from the octopus

to all the other animals, predator and prey,

and then this incredible forest,

um, just nurturing all of this.

And now I know how the helmet shell is connected to the urchin

and how the octopus is connected to the helmet shell.

And as I draw all these lines,

all these stories are just being thrown up.

It's almost like the forest mind.

I really could feel it. That big creature.

It was thousands of times more awake and intelligent than I am.

This is like a giant underwater brain operating over millions of years.

And it just keeps everything in balance.

Everything seemed, at this point...

sort of perfect in the forest.

And, of course, you know...

...you've forgotten...

those predators are ever present.

Just have this...

burnt in my memory, this, like, huge shark just suddenly approaching her.

She kept still and tried to hide.

Then you just saw the shark swimming on the periphery, picking up her scent.

And I thought, "Oh, no, this is this whole...

nightmare happening again."

She jets up in the canopy,

and she's wrapping many leaves of kelp tightly around her body

and then just peering out.

All the smell's on the kelp,

so the shark's now biting and snapping at the kelp.

She's sh*t out the back.

She just climbs out over a rock, leaves the water, and I was like...

I just, you know... almost can't believe my eyes.

But the problem is, of course, she's gotta come back.

On the other side, the shark picks up her scent again.

And this crazy chase is on.

And then, I see her,

in a very quick movement,

picking up maybe close to 100 shells and stones...

and then folding her arms

over her vulnerable head.

And in that moment,

I realized, "This is this crazy thing I saw...

so long ago."

Next minute, the shark grabs her.

But I had to breathe.

Rush to the surface as fast as you can.

Straight back down again.

And it's like, "Okay, now, this is too crazy."

Somehow she's managed to maneuver herself into the least dangerous place,

and that's on the shark's back.

The shark tries to shake her off and is swimming away.

Takes a few seconds to figure out,

"What the hell's going on here?"

But you can immediately tell

she's now got the upper hand.

As the shark goes near some of the thick kelp...

she just pushes off the back...

drops the remaining shells

and jets away.

And the shark, it's just been completely outwitted.

The shark comes, does one pass,

but she's completely safe. There's nothing it can do.

And it leaves.

How she can think that quickly and make those life-and-death decisions,

uh, it's just, yeah, pretty, pretty incredible.

I was around for a good 80 percent of her life.

Each moment is so precious because it's so short.

There was this one incredible day.

A big shoal of dream fish.

Fairly shallow water.

Suddenly, she's...

reaching up for the surface like that.

Initially, I thought...

"She's hunting the fish."

Then I was like, "Hold on.

When she hunts, she's strategic, and she's like...

focused.

This behavior doesn't feel predatory to me."

It took a long time to actually, like, process it.

But I couldn't help thinking,

"She's playing with the fish."

You see play often in social animals.

Here's a highly antisocial animal playing with fish.

It takes that animal to a different level.

Oh, then she completely lost interest in the fish,

rushed over...

grabbed hold of me.

And that was the last time we had physical contact.

If I think back,

and I remember it was a very rough day, very turbulent.

Sediment everywhere.

Go down and whoa,

there's another big octopus right next to her.

It's very, very rare to see two octopus close together.

"Oh, my God, what's going on?"

And then seeing that both animals are pretty relaxed

and realizing, "Okay, and then the mating is beginning."

By this stage, I knew quite well the stages of an octopus's life.

So while I was very excited that this mating was beginning,

there was a sort of...

this dread in the bottom of my stomach.

She wasn't coming out of that den.

There was no more feeding, no more hunting.

A huge part of her body is actually given to those eggs.

So she drops in weight, and she loses an enormous amount of strength.

The eggs are laid right in the back, in the dark.

It's impossible to see them.

I just keep going every day and just check.

She's oxygenating the eggs with her siphon, looking after them.

She's just slowly dying

and timing her death exactly for the hatching of those eggs.

I mean, it struck home so hard for me.

Here's an invertebrate, essentially a mollusk,

sacrificing her own life

for her young.

All those eggs hatched.

They're tiny, and they go into the water column.

Hundreds of thousands of them.

And the next thing I saw, she's washed out the den, barely alive.

And the fish, you know, feeding on her.

A lot of the scavengers coming to feed on her.

It was just heartbreaking.

A part of me just wanted to hold her and chase them away.

But I didn't do that.

The next day...

a big shark came...

and just took her away, you know, into the misty forest.

Often, I go to the place of her main den.

And I just float above it and feel her there.

Of course I miss her.

Um...

But, um...

I mean, in some crazy way, it was a relief.

It was a relief, because the intensity of going every day and tracking her, um...

and trying to capture, it was...

It was tough in a way.

I mean, I sort of slept, dreamt...

this animal.

I was... You know, I was...

in my mind, thinking like an octopus.

And... and it was all so taxing, in a way.

Um...

But underneath that,

this incredible pride for this animal

that's been through impossible odds to get to this place.

I mean, an unimaginable life.

One of the most exciting things ever in my life, taking my son,

walking along the shore

and just showing him the... the wonders of nature

and the details

and the intricacies.

I was getting so much from the wild, and I could actually now give.

I had so much energy to give back.

He's like a little marine biologist now. He knows so much.

And very powerful swimmer.

And as he gets older, he seems to want to do it more and more.

To see that develop,

a strong sense of himself...

an incredible confidence,

but the most important thing,

a gentleness.

And I think that's the thing

that thousands of hours in nature can teach a child.

A few months later, after she'd d*ed,

he actually found this tiny little octopus.

It's very rare to see an animal that small.

They have up to half a million young. A handful survive.

So it's a pretty tough road they have to walk.

But that's their strategy, live fast and die young.

We kind of imagined that it might be one of her young.

It was kind of the right size, the right time.

And it was joyous. It was like, "Well, there she is."

She'd made me realize

just how precious wild places are.

You go into that water...

and it's extremely liberating.

All your...

worries and problems and life drama just dissolve.

You slowly start to care about all the animals,

even the tiniest little animals.

You realize that every one is very important.

To sense how vulnerable these wild animals' lives are,

and actually, then how vulnerable all our lives on this planet are.

My relationship with the sea forest and its creatures deepens...

week after month after year after year.

You're in touch with this wild place, and it's speaking to you.

Its language is visible.

I fell in love with her

but also with that amazing wildness that she represented

and... and how that changed me.

What she taught me was to feel...

that you're part of this place, not a visitor.

That's a huge difference."

#charlie the phone guy #charlie the cursed phone guy #dsaf #dayshift at freddy's #classic verse #very long post #long post #this is your fault anon #you wanted him to read a script #YOU GOT THAT WISH #IT JUST AIN'T BEE MOVIE

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