#i love fleabag with all my heart
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fleabag better than me, because if someone responded with “it’ll pass” after i told them i loved them, i would simply have to drop dead on the spot like no joke
#mutuals#dark academia#fleabag#phoebe waller bridge#hot priest#i love fleabag with all my heart#mitski#femcel#coquette#tvedit#i love you it’ll pass#angst#quotation#tv quotes
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Better to Have Loved and Lost (Vidshow)
A vidshow for all the loves that were never meant to last (and maybe a few that shouldn't have even started to begin with). Made for VidUKon 2024.
Bad Blood (Never Ever), a Multi-Fandom fanvid by Fiercynn & Scribe We are never, ever, ever getting back together (like, ever).
Hate Me, an Interview with the Vampire fanvid by Killabeez I hate me for loving you.
Bottom of the River, a Due South fanvid by Scribe Hold my hand, ooh baby, it's a long way down to the bottom of the river.
Rolling in the Deep, an X-Men fanvid by Arefadedaway I can't help thinking, we could've had it all.
(I'm Not Calling You a) Liar, a Steven Universe fanvid by Butterfly I love you so much I'm gonna let you kill me.
The Lost Sky, a Xena: Warrior Princess fanvid by Ohvienna Why would you say those words to me if you could not follow through?
This Is Everything, a Star Trek fanvid by Morrigan291 No, I'm not aware of how I could possibly love you without aching.
When We're Dancing, an 11.22.63 fanvid by Periru3 Let's pretend this song won't end, and we never have to go home.
La Noyée, a Portrait of a Lady on Fire fanvid by Tafadhali Running along the shore, I call to you to come back.
Personal Jesus, a Fleabag fanvid by Findmeinthealps & Teyla Someone to hear your prayers, someone who cares.
No Children, a Community fanvid by Xandra You are coming down with me, hand in unlovable hand.
Lucky Me, a Buffy the Vampire Slayer fanvid by Milly And you're sad, and you're sorry. Let it all out. What are you waiting for?
Till the World Ends, a Titanic fanvid by Rhoboat If you feel it, let it happen, keep on dancing til the world ends.
Thank U, Next, a Crazy Ex-Girlfriend fanvid by Ultraviolet Catastrophe I'm so fucking grateful for my ex.
Would've Been You, a Multi-Fandom fanvid by BeatriceEagle You know the greatest loves of all time are over now.
A whole bunch of bonus vids - cut for time, or for duplicate songs, vidders, or fandoms:
Dante's Prayer, a Titanic fanvid by Thevetia & Morgandawn
Destroying Angels, a Yellowjackets fanvid by Tafadhali
Everything Stops, a Star Trek fanvid by BeatriceEagle
Exile, a Xena: Warrior Princess/Multi-Fandom fanvid by Ultraviolet Catastrophe
Let Me Live, a Multi-Fandom fanvid by BeatriceEagle
Mowgli's Road, a Brideshead Revisited fanvid by Obsessive24
Some Fantastic, a Buffy the Vampire Slayer fanvid by Laura Shapiro
Something Just Like This, a Game of Thrones fanvid by Sisabet
The World You Thought You Lived In, a Multi-Fandom fanvid by BeatriceEagle
This Is Everything, a Torchwood/Doctor Who fanvid by 24SE
Where Did You Sleep Last Night, a Yellowjackets fanvid by Ohvienna
Writing Notes, a Buffy the Vampire Slayer fanvid by Here's Luck
#fanvid#vid#vids#fanvids#vidshow#vidshows#iwtv#due south#x-men#cherik#taylor swift#cxgf#fleabag#steven universe#btvs#buffy#community#star trek#I could've made this entire damn vidshow using just BeatriceEagle's vids#or just Taylor Swift vids#DEVESTATED not to have been able to fit any of Sisabet's Jamie/Brienne vids in here#they're all wonderful#and that's one of my big Loved and Lost ships#but the vids I wanted to include were long#and just didn't end up fitting nicely in any of my various drafts of the show#but in my heart Something Just Like this is in the show#vid recs
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i wonder what having fleabag as my comfort show and succession as my favourite show says about me.
#i love fleabag so fucking much#ive watched it over 20 times easily#i love succession with all my heart but God if i re-watched it id probably kill myself#it makes me feel horrendous things#succession#fleabag
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Fleabag
"it will pass... i love you, too... ok"
#personal post#then again i forced myself through finishing Fleabag season 2. Less painful than the first one with my sex repulsion.#yet. more hurting in the deep and bigger skeme of things. mostly about love and how hard it is#she of course is a constant reminding of them. about they struggles. they problems. they caos and drama they life is#i resonate. of course. with the Priest (with a mix up of Harry still) and it hurts#same as the first one; the last episode is packed with a explosion of events that could be seen little in comparison of the first season#but the pain is more deep. less inmediate. as we practically knew. since the start. that was going to end bad for her but not like that#similar to them and me. we reach the same conclusion. basically#i still have things to say. and in order to not let it root and melt my insides i am speaking them up#some of them here. some of them in a personal way.#i want this pain. this confusion. this feelings that i can not control. this desperation. this burning heart. this remindful mind#this HHHHHHHHHHH... this love to pass#and with that. one day. we might be friends. we might be in each other life without hurting the other. we might be able to talk and have fu#we might be happy to see the other happy once again. even if not together anymore. and that will be alright#i have hope. we are weird afterall. for once i do not want to be right and that we can. in fact be friends even after all our history#but if this is the total end. the need for us to cut all connection. that would be fine too. probably for the best of us#i just. want to have hope for a better future for now. let me have that at least#vent post#tw vent
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the event (1) ❖ nanami kento
this part → part 2 (soon) | mdni! | the nile is a river in egypt 👍
summary: after struggling for so long with the feelings you had for nanami, your colleague and closest friend, you finally decide to put an end to your misery and confess to him. little did you know there was no misery left for you to wallow in that night — none at all. alternatively: nanami was a gentleman, but holy hell, given the context, there weren't many ways he could misunderstand the phrase "I want you".
tags: jujutsu kaisen, sorcerer!f!reader, colleagues in the field, 18+, alcohol, explicit! smut (oral f!receiving, piv, squirting), 1/3 plot 2/3 filth ratio, it’s romance guys, nanami x reader, reader is emotionally stunted, they're clearly in love, angst, fluff, hurt and comfort, basically a book chapter, no beta my inner demons proofread this.
wc: 8k
notes, etc.: if i have to rewrite this one more time i will commit a felony. inspo → just like you do (carly simon) and sonnet (the verve). saved by smooth operator (sade). the bit "love is something brave people do" is inspired by fleabag's last episode. appetizers for this fic are the shorties “would you let me die?” and “where does your mind drift”.
❖ collection of stories: "jujutsu partners au" → masterlist
this is big but very worth it, i promise.
Today, you were determined to finally utter those three words and put an end to your own personal brand of misery.
Ever since you and Nanami kind of discussed if getting involved would be a bad idea — he said it would, but you had your doubts — you just couldn't stop thinking about it. He knew you had feelings for him. Maybe. He mentioned that he believed you thought about him.
But the thing was… nothing was actually said. It was all implied. Implied into oblivion.
You two had been working together for a good while now, and you didn't fail to notice that, in the most recent encounters you've had, be it on missions or just having a drink at your favorite bar, your heart would involuntarily throb whenever you gazed at him for too long.
Not only that, but you were finally able to admit to yourself that your gratitude towards the sorcerer, who saved your life years ago, had become love. You were, without a shred of a doubt, in love with him, and the fact that he clearly stated that getting involved would be ill-advised — his words, not yours — was a special type of torture.
So be it — you were confessing your feelings for him today, at least to have a definitive answer. It would be better to get shot down than keep doing this little tip-toe dance around the unsaid. You just couldn't do this anymore.
Thing was… You were terrible with feelings. And words. And putting feelings into words. And also just feeling your feelings, in general.
So you decided to invite him to a bar — like you always did —, and chat the night away — again, like you always did — to try easing yourself into this conversation in a comfortable, known setting. Your drinks were downed until the middle of the night like you were filling up a Jeep tank, trying to fuel yourself with liquor-bought courage.
Eventually you slowed down, because certainly throwing up would be less than ideal. Better to be sober and chicken out than drunk and vomiting.
You were so in your own head, though, that you failed to realize Nanami was accompanying you in the "getting completely hammered" department until about a few hours prior, partially regaining his sobriety, with a lot of things swirling around in his own mind.
Mostly, he still thought about the non-conversation you both had about thinking of each other. More specifically, the fact that you inquired, right at the end, if it would really be such a bad idea.
Would it?
Could he dare to dream of a life beyond killing curses and hoping not to die every time he stepped his foot into a mission?
He wasn't sure about it anymore, and could feel his usual negative stance about getting romantically involved with someone while still being a jujutsu sorcerer wavering — an absolute first for him. He was hardly someone to be swayed on his stances in life.
But this time, just maybe, you were able to do that without even realizing.
He caught himself gazing at you more frequently than usual, and wondering what would be the texture of your flower-scented hair tangled in between his fingers.
Today, your hair smelled like jasmine flowers.
Unlike you, however, Nanami was unsure if he'd touch upon the subject that night, specifically, in case he ever decided to do so. He’d prefer to talk about it in an appropriate setting — dinner at a restaurant, maybe? No, you weren't someone who'd like that. Perhaps at a picnic, she does enjoy nature...
He tried shaking those thoughts away along with his feelings, but it didn’t work.
The conversation was very pleasant, and you two were reminiscing about his mission at your hometown where you both met years ago.
”Do you remember when I tried cooking breakfast? Oh, that was a good one,” you jested, chuckling.
Nanami nodded, resting the edge of his whiskey cup on his bottom lip.
“I’d say that was a terrible one. You nearly set your entire kitchen on fire trying to fry eggs,” he noted, letting a smile take over his lips.
You laughed in response.
”Yeah, you’re probably right. But at least you rescued me and made one of the best tamagoyaki I’ve ever eaten.”
He put his glass down on the counter, looking at you with those adoring, beautiful, brown honeyed eyes.
"One of?"
You chuckled, trying not to stare too much.
Good God, he's looking gorgeous tonight.
“Oh, come on. According to you, I can barely taste my food the way I eat, mixing everything up in my plate,” you joked, “I don’t have the same particular taste buds of yours.”
Nanami sighed, rolling his eyes at your teasing, taking a sip of his whiskey.
The ice had melted a little, and he felt the watery coat on the drink with displeasure, grimacing a little.
Somehow, Nanami failed to see the irony in that.
You noticed, and laughed a little before continuing.
"The other amazing tamagoyaki I had was when you rescued me from starving during my first week here. But I don't think I'd really regret burning Jujutsu High down, even if it was an accident."
Nanami shook his head lightly, the smile still on his face betraying his half-hearted chide.
Then, after the banter evaporated in the air, that moment finally came.
The absolute silence.
Arguably the perfect opportunity to say these types of things… So you began.
"Nanami, I…" words gagged. "I wanted to tell you something."
His body visibly tensed up a little, but he probably didn't realize it.
He knew, of course.
Nanami noticed all the recent instances you'd stare at him, and ever since pulling you in for a not-so innocent hug when you were both stranded on the road after a mission together, he felt dangerously close to crossing this boundary.
Nanami's words were easily controlled, always so neatly put together with mathematical precision to express his thoughts. However, ever since he crossed the line of physical contact beyond pure platonic affection, it had been difficult keeping his hands to himself.
Right now, he wanted to cup your face with his palms and brush his thumbs against your cheeks.
Perhaps even press his lips against you- stop that, you’re not a teenager anymore.
This comfort zone of avoiding the discussion about the feelings you both had for each other was becoming increasingly uncomfortable.
"What?"
You gulped, and took a few more sips of beer.
"I…"
Your voice got stuck in your throat.
Your syllable had stretched long enough for this to have become a little awkward.
"I wanted to thank you," you blurted out, more for your benefit than his.
Nanami was equal parts relieved, disappointed, and surprised.
Did he actually want you to tell him you had feelings for him?
"Thanks for welcoming me to Jujutsu High, for shepherding me all this time, and for being a reliable, good friend. I was ready to face hell here, but it was… much better than I had anticipated. So, thank you, Nanami."
He looked at you, and both held each other's gaze for a moment. His hazel brown eyes were always something that lured you in, and you surely enjoyed how he'd always remove his green shades to talk to you.
Seeing them felt strangely — and endearingly — intimate.
"You're welcome," he offered in a kind note.
"Last call!" the bartender stated loudly, as you and Nanami looked at each other, feeling somewhat disappointed that the night was about to be over.
Stepping outside after paying, you both realized it was raining — something neither had noticed from inside the bar.
With half a mind to do something, definitely inebriated, and still with a declaration stuck in your throat, you absentmindedly made a question to Nanami.
"Can I wait the rain out at your place?"
He did live close by, in any case.
For a second, you realized you were probably butting in his rest hours, and felt a little embarrassed.
"Yes," he replied immediately, also absentmindedly, before you could retreat your request.
***
It was actually the first time you ever visited his apartment, and it was interesting to see his place. To no one's surprise, Nanami's pristine apartment, with his collections of books and CD's — he still had an actual stereo CD player — felt as every bit put together as Nanami himself did.
His kitchen drawers alone were surely more organized than your income tax return.
You sat on the counter and had your drenched hair haphazardly covered with a blue towel as Nanami fixed something to eat for the both of you.
The smell of cooked rice and eggs filled the air, hugging your senses, as you watched, still halfway drunk, how he skillfully walked back and forth, being somewhat inebriated himself, making way more than instant noodles, your first choice after proposing you both ate something to ease the alcohol out.
You stared at his back while he cooked, trying to push the thought of telling him how you felt to the back of your mind, at least for a while, just so you could enjoy the following moments without the sensation of impending doom.
As he finished plating the food, you were nothing short of impressed — the man mustered up the skill to cook omurice while inebriated, a feat you couldn't do sober even in one of your best days.
"This is incredible, you're such a badass," you remarked as Nanami gave you a plate with a pair of chopsticks.
"It's a simple recipe," he replied, getting his own and taking a bite out of it as he leaned against the sink counter, facing you.
"Oh, it surely is,” you remarked, ironically.
You were getting ready to eat as Nanami interrupted you.
"Don't desecrate it," he chided, referencing the way you'd usually stir up your food on your plate until it became an unidentifiable goo before eating, "try to taste your food at least this once."
You chuckled a little, acquiescing.
"Okay. This is too beautiful to get vandalized, anyway."
Nanami huffed, the faintest ghost of a smile on his lips, before he took another bite.
"I am so going to regret this entire thing tomorrow," you stated, taking the first piece out of your plate, “I drank like a sailor.”
It was absolutely delicious, of course. It was Nanami's food, after all.
He swallowed before proceeding.
"Me too, most likely. I hadn't drunk this heavily since… ever."
"Hah, me neither."
You both resumed eating peacefully, partaking in a comfortable and cozy silence for the next few minutes. During that time, he looked at you without you noticing, and realized just how much he wanted this small sliver of peace — sharing a good meal with you in his kitchen after a remarkably pleasant night — to keep going for eternity.
You were looking so adorable with his blue towel over your drenched hair.
As you were finished, he took both plates and put them inside the sink, going back to his original position. Nanami had already removed his tie, his weapon holster and opened the top of his blue buttoned shirt by this point, both of his sleeves rolled up for him to cook.
It was becoming increasingly hard not to stare.
"Thank you, Nanami," you said, smiling at him.
"It's no trouble," he answered, softly smiling back at you.
His smile was much sweeter than usual, and it sent your heart throbbing against your chest.
The urge came again, to finally tell him.
However, when you actually spoke, something entirely unexpected came out of your mouth.
"Why did you come back to Jujutsu High after years of working a regular job?"
Nanami was surprised, to say the least, and pondered for a while before resuming his answer.
He had left the jujutsu world shortly after the mission where he met you and ‘failed you’ — that last part solely according to him — so, needless to say, this was a sensitive topic.
"Well, I had known the jujutsu world, and after entering the corporate one, I realized both were idiotic. So-"
"No, not that speech," you interjected, "I want to know exactly what happened for you to come back. I mean, when we ran into each other years ago, you seemed pretty resolute in trying your retired-by-40 and moving to Malaysia plan, and from what I gathered, not long after that, you just came back, out of nowhere."
Nanami was silent, because he remembered vividly what had transpired, and that you had something to do with it.
"Well," he began, "a few days after we had that conversation, I went into a bakery to buy breakfast. It was always the same person at the cash register, and she had a small fly head curse on her shoulders for a while. It began affecting her sleep, given her complaints. I had avoided doing something about it, but our conversation kept ringing in my head."
Nanami averted his gaze, as if remembering the moment in its details before proceeding.
"After I exorcised it, her shoulder pain subsided, and she thanked me. That was it."
You remembered well how you chided him, telling Nanami to go back into sorcery because the world of jujutsu needed people who truly cared, such as himself. You just didn’t think it would have such a direct connection to the reasons he came back.
"So... you realized the importance of the job we do?" you inquired, with a half-smile pulled on your cheek.
He sighed. "Something like that."
"Oh, Mr. Nanami 'I'm just doing my job' Kento... you have finally understood that meaning is something relevant to you, it seems," you remarked, light-spirited.
He smiled, looking the other way, somewhat appreciating the fact that he had just been read like a book by you.
"But... don't say I had something to do with you coming back," you stated, "I might feel responsible if something happens to you."
Even as a joke, this snapped at your heart a little. The mere thought of losing him felt terrifying.
Nanami sighed, smile vanishing, looking back at you.
"You always see things from a perspective of assigning responsibility and guilt... It is a perspective that usually warrants unnecessary suffering."
You scoffed, still wearing your mid-smirk on your face.
"Oh, and looking at everything from a protective perspective is any different? I mean, both boil down to us thinking we're responsible for other people's fates."
He was slightly taken aback, before smiling discreetly and crossing his arms in front of his chest.
"I guess you're right."
Nanami looked at you, and seemed to be staring at your cheek. Under the dim light from the stove hood, you could make out the contours of his face — his sharp jaw, his chiseled cheekbones, and his now exposed forearms with taut, sculpted muscles, right under the rolled up sleeves of his blue shirt.
If pupil dilation could be felt, you would have definitely felt it at that moment.
The urge came up again, but by this point, you were already feeling defeated enough at your pathetic inability of confessing your feelings, so you just let your mouth roll with whatever came out of it.
"I really admire you, Nanami."
You surprised even yourself.
His eyes then met yours.
"Do you?"
Pondering on your words, you nodded, thinking a little about it.
"You're such a calm, collected and responsible person. You seem to always know exactly what you're doing, meanwhile I'm usually just guessing around. No wonder Ino and Yuuji look up to you."
Even under the soft lighting, you could swear you saw Nanami's face blush a little.
"Thank you," he stated, bowing his head slightly towards your direction.
You smiled at him and sighed right after.
"Most times, I don't think I'm someone people would call admirable or actually look up to."
This was something you hadn't anticipated you'd say. You had never told that to anyone.
But, well, this was him. This was Nanami.
"Why do you say that?" he inquired in earnest.
"Because... Because I'm often hanging by a thread, just trying to survive. I'm not doing great things. I'm barely existing, sometimes."
He mulled his thoughts over for a second before answering you.
"You have a good capacity for adapting, taking whatever life hands you and doing the best you can with it," he noted, "and you keep going even if you feel like you're guessing. Even when you don't know where you're going. That takes bravery, and I find it to be admirable."
Now you were the one surprised, and you could feel your entire face burning the moment he finished uttering those words. You were never one to take compliments easily, but this was a whole other level.
You stood there, mouth slightly agape, faltering without any words.
His eyes had returned to your cheek, and in a swift movement, you heard him say excuse me as he stepped into your direction, rubbing his thumb on it to take off some food you hadn't realized that was still stuck on your face.
Nanami barely registered that the thoughts looping around his mind the entire night about touching you had finally taken the best of him.
Before he could remove his hand, though, you held it in place, lifting your eyes to meet him.
His palm felt warm against your skin, his digits rough, and perfect. Just like he was.
Nanami's expression was unreadable as he gazed back at you, and you began hearing your heartbeats against your ears, muffling the sound of the tapping rain on the window.
Words failed him too, and he was guided by his body once again.
Nanami lowered his face and softly pressed his lips over yours, still tasting like whiskey and Demi-glace, which sent waves — that you couldn't quite discern if were hot or cold, perhaps both — all throughout your body.
It was a quick kiss, though, because shortly after, Nanami backed out, still with his eyes closed, and had something resembling a frown on his face.
"I apologize, that was inappropriate," he mumbled, beginning to pull his hand out from your cheek. You, however, held it in place, and that got him to open his eyes and look at you.
He seemed taken by trepidation under his usual collected demeanor, and his lower lip had the slightest twitch to it as his eyes flickered quickly between your mouth and your eyes.
For a moment, you felt like you were looking into the eyes of the Nanami you once knew — the bangs, the uniform, the seventeen-year-old version of him.
Little did you know that your corresponding younger version was looking right back at him with the same bated breath, just like the teens-becoming-adults in the most traumatic ways you two once were.
"Stop apologizing and kiss me," you pleaded, edging your face closer to his, pulling his towel off your head.
You could feel his breath exhaling against your skin, as Nanami approached his body to yours, putting himself in between your knees, and cupped your face in his hands. His body was incredibly warm, just like his hand, and his woody, musky scent sent your senses spiraling when he finally descended his lips to yours, determined on taking his time — after all, this was a kiss ten years in the making.
His mouth felt velvety and supple, and you both melted into each other while exploring the way his head tilted against yours, how your nails would eventually find their way up the nape of his neck, how your breath would hitch every time he pressed his mouth against yours more intently. Your lips slid wetly over each other with a newfound ease none of you expected.
You were both dipping your toes in the ocean and testing the temperature before committing to dive into deeper waters, taking all the time into familiarizing with the feeling of each other's bodies.
Nanami's hands descended to your waist, leaving a trail of heat on the way, and you let out a soft moan into his mouth when he pressed them against you. He groaned lowly, a sound reverberating from the depths of his chest, as he parted his lips from yours and put some distance in between your faces with his eyes closed.
You didn't understand, but before you could ask anything, he began speaking.
"I don't mean to assume," he stated, letting his forehead rest on yours.
"Hm... What do you mean?"
"I... What I mean is we can stop, in case you don’t... We're both still somewhat under the influence. You are," Nanami replied, opening his eyes to look into yours. The faltering restraint dwelling in them was palpable.
In the back of your mind, you wondered if there was any way of loving him more than you already did. Even now, he was so mindful and careful with you.
"I want this," you replied, resolute, "I want you. I've wanted it all for a very long time. It's not a drunken decision, I mean it."
His gaze softened in a way you had never seen before, one of his hands ascending to brush his thumb over your cheek. Nanami snuggled his nose against yours and sighed, seemingly fluttering.
"Are you sure?"
"Yes. I'm sure. I want you," you repeated, incisively.
He let out a huff of air against your mouth, and you could smell his breath, mingled with the scent emanating from him and his clothes. Intoxicating wasn't a strong enough word — you were completely enthralled, entranced and overwhelmed by him. Every sound got muted, but the sound of his breathing. Every smell disappeared, but his. And there was no other temperature in the room other than the warmth of his body.
You had entered tunnel vision mode, and at the end of it, he was your light.
Closing the remaining inches that separated the both of you, he brushed his lips against yours, whispering, "then have me. Have all of me."
Still cupping the side of your face, Nanami tilted it, finally fitting your lips against his again, like lovely little puzzle pieces getting more and more accustomed to each other by the second. He felt around your contours, pressing the tip of his tongue softly over the seam of your mouth, and you warmly welcomed him in, his true taste lingering just under the drinks and sauces being enough to knock the air out of your lungs.
He was salty, fresh, and a breeze of cool air by the seashore.
There were a few times you wondered what he'd be like, but your fantasies were quick to pale in comparison to the reality of him.
Nanami’s broken restraint was completely done for, and just this once, he wanted to let it come tumbling down like a house of cards, as he parted to gaze at your disheveled hair, your flustered face, your slightly puffy lips.
His chest swelled full and content at that sight.
He met you once again, and the ruffling from the fall was sounding better than he could have ever hoped for, insistent heart beat pushing against his ears, encompassing your breathless kissing like a sonnet.
Nanami's hands, however, didn't dare explore beyond your waist, and all this intense make out session was starting to make your panties feel uncomfortable against your pooling arousal. You were starting to feel antsy, and your body was nearly twitching at the aching desire. You needed some kind of relief, or you'd go insane.
Nanami was a gentleman, but holy hell, given the context, there weren't many ways he could misunderstand the phrase I want you.
You put your hands over his and slip them down to cup your ass, parting from his lips for a moment.
"Stop keeping your hands to yourself. Touch me," you pleaded, with some type of simmering desperation to your voice that you hadn't yet heard — never, actually.
He looked at you, and seemed equally desperate in an unfathomable way. He pulled you in, kneading his fingers fiercely against your skin while moaning into your mouth, and pressed your bodies hard enough for you to feel him pulsating through multiple layers of fabric.
Oh, my.
You knew he was strong, but this was something else.
Instinctively, you wrapped your legs around his hips, and drew the tips of your fingernails down his back, while grinding over his growing erection with your clothed core. Nanami let out a muffled groan on your skin and began kissing your neck intently with messy, open-mouthed kisses.
He put his hands under your thighs and whispered in your ear, "hold on to me."
That caught your attention from your hazy brain.
"I... My hair is still wet. My clothes are a little damp, too. I'm kind of a mess right now," you told him, chuckling sheepishly.
This man's apartment was the most immaculate place you had ever been in your life, and the last thing you wanted to do was to dirty it around with dripping water from the rain. In his bed, of all places.
Nanami immediately pulled himself back and held your face, locking eyes with you.
"You are beautiful right now," he remarked, not giving you enough time for an answer, as he pressed another kiss on your lips — this time, more urgent, a little sloppy, but just as passionate, if not more. You gasped into his mouth, letting your body take control.
In an instant, your arms were draped over his shoulders, your legs tightened firmly around his body, and his strong hands held the back of your thighs, as Nanami lifted you from that counter like you weighed nothing.
You squeaked in surprise, and he uttered a soft, deep chuckle before planting a quick peck on your lips.
After walking you both into his room, he calmly descended towards the mattress, laying you down delicately and climbing his way on top of you.
When he approached his face to yours, you smiled at him, and he smiled back, sharing a tender moment of silent closeness.
This was probably your favorite shared quietude yet.
“I should get out of these wet clothes,” you stated, giggling softly, before tugging your shirt over your head.
He huffed a soft smiling hum in return, as his palms found their way towards the sides of your hips. Their warmth clashed a stark contrast against your still dampened, cold skin, and his touch was electric, making you involuntarily sigh.
"Help me take these pants off," you cooed, relaxing your legs around his body.
Nanami didn’t need to be told twice, and swiftly slid his hands down to unzip you and pull your damp pants off while you unclasped your bra.
After he was done, his eyes lingered over the drenched patch on your underwear, a realization that definitely riled him up, as his breath got caught midway out his nostrils for a second.
Nanami’s fingers swirled around your bra straps, but before he removed it, you began unbuttoning his shirt, finishing off unclenching his belt and unzipping his pants.
"It would be unfair for me to be the only one exposed here," you remarked, light spirited, while smiling tenderly at him.
He smiled back very much the same way, and pulled his shirt off, downing his pants, letting it all become a wrinkled puddle on the floor. Nanami caged you in between his arms, and pressed a quick kiss on your lips, asking, "do you ever stop?"
"Why don't you try to find out?" you slyly replied.
Nanami wasn't usually one to appreciate being teased. This was especially true when it came to Gojo annoying the hell out of him, and he could — and would — also get annoyed at your snarky teasing from time to time.
But it felt different with you. He wasn't nearly as irritated as he would've been with anybody else.
Perhaps because you teased him with love.
Your hands pulled your bra off and tossed it aside, and for some seconds, he was speechless, contouring his eyes all over your body. With butterflies on his chest, he finally cupped your face in his hands again before kissing you once more, and you couldn’t help but notice he really liked holding you like that when he kissed you — and you'd let him, every time he wanted to.
It was lovely to be held so preciously under such an adoring touch.
Letting go of your lips, Nanami began planting kisses under your jaw, descending towards your neck, and nesting his face in between your breasts, inhaling your scent with his face laid over your skin. With your encouraging hand tangling in his hair, he began kissing and licking his way around, kneading on your breasts with his palms. Your hips instantly bucked up against him, at the same time you let out a needy moan.
He noticed it, very pleased, and gave you the tiny mercy of removing your panties.
Still with his mouth plastered on your skin, Nanami descended one hand towards your folds, and groaned the second his fingers touched over your wetness, cock twitching inside his underwear.
You were drenched.
He sounded so satisfied, you couldn’t help but blush a little in between your moans and mewls, wanting to brat out just a little.
“Hah-- I did say- a-ah… that I wanted you,” you half jested, trying to fend off your fleeting embarrassment, “w-what did you… hah-- expect?”
He stopped briefly, and lifted his face to look at you, sighing with his classic I could be eye rolling at you right now expression.
You smiled mischievously, fully aware he noticed the teasing.
Nanami brushed his fingers above your clit softly, not breaking eye contact, and you thrust your hips up again, mewling mindlessly. Huffing, you tried saying something, but he pressed his fingers a little more intently, having your words turn into incoherent moaning tumbling down past your lips.
At that moment, you just knew…
You stood defeated.
“Finally, you relentless little devil,” he mumbled, kissing his way down your body, as you huffed a few chuckles in between your pleasured sounds.
If he was so hellbent on shutting down your antics like that, you’d probably try to keep them going all night long. Perhaps you could even break his composure completely.
The idea was enticing.
However, he was the one about to break you apart completely, as you realized when his wet, hot tongue got seared-flat against your clit, and stroked on your glistened folds with the ravenous dedication of a starving man.
Nanami was delighted to have finally shut down your quick-wit tease mouth completely, especially like this.
In the back of his mind, he realized he’d gladly do it every time you got on his nerves.
Being a pretty tactile person, with heightened senses overall, Nanami was sure that tasting you would feel amazing, but this was otherworldly.
Completely enthralled, he began dipping his tongue inside you to drink you in, having your walls clenching immediately around it.
The sounds you made — your moaning and begging, as your thighs rubbed against his cheeks and fingers tugged on his hair — would be etched in his brain for eternity, he was sure of it.
The moment his hands pressed harder on your thighs, pulling them against his shoulders, and you let out a mixture of a squeal and a moan, something inside him snapped, sending his mouth into a feral quest against your cunt.
Groaning and panting into you, he lapped relentlessly on your folds, nuzzling your clit so intently it nearly sent you crawling over the walls. Your vision was white, starry, black, and then white again, and you wondered for a minute if this was all pleasure or if the light of the room was actually flickering.
Mouth agape, your moans bounced off the walls, and your back arched desperately, while your entire body tightened with the tell-tale signs of an intense orgasm. Your toes were curling, your ears were ringing, and your face contorted in desperate need for release.
“D-don’t stop- don’t… Hah-- I-m… I-I… Hah---!“
Upon hearing your pleas, Nanami latched his lips on your clit and sucked on it so powerfully you didn’t get tipped over the edge, but was effectively thrown from it with no parachute or lifeline.
Your entire body tensed and jolted. You came with a desperate cry, tightening your grip on his hair with bruising force. He let out a loud moan, trying to hold himself together as you fell apart on his mouth, and started to lick you softly to wean you off your high.
For a few seconds, your entire body stopped answering any voluntary movement signals from your brain, and you could’ve sworn you forgot your name.
You were sent to heaven and returned unscathed.
Coming back to Earth, your grip on him loosened, and Nanami brought his mouth up to one of your thighs, pressing gentle kisses over it.
When your vision wasn’t all abstract colors anymore, you looked down to see Nanami with hooded eyes, resting his chin over your mound, gazing at you like you were the most beautiful creature in existence.
Given what had just transpired, you found it to be incredibly absurd that this — him gazing at you — was what had you blushing violently.
But here you were, hiding your face under the back of your hand, as you chuckled sheepishly solely from the way he looked at you.
This beautiful, adoring man.
The urge to tell him how much you loved him came back, but even like this, so unclad and vulnerable, it was incredibly hard.
Nanami was barely blinking, wondering how he had allowed — or better, forced — himself to live without this, without you, for so long.
“I’m starting to feel embarrassed,” you said, equal parts joking and genuine, as you finally managed to meet his glance again.
He blinked a few times, being pulled from his thoughts, whispering a half-hearted apology as he crawled his way back to you.
His hair was a mess, his lips were rosy and puffy, and his eyes…
His eyes.
Trying to keep yourself from becoming a fluttering chaos all over again, you shook your head lightly as you resumed speaking.
“There’s nothing to apologize for,” you cooed, sliding your fingers down his face, pressing your lips to his. Nanami pushed his tongue inside your mouth, and you moaned in response, tasting your essence mixed in with his own flavor.
God, you could kiss him and taste this for hours on end.
His mouth and tongue flowed and veered softly, with no rush other than to imprint your flavor in him. Nanami clearly was a kisser — a very good one —, and was delighted to keep exploring you like that for as long as you’d let him.
Suddenly, you had a little wicked idea creeping up on you, as you made some effort to finally part your lips from his and uttered, “you know what, I’m sorry.”
Nanami was puzzled.
“What do you m-“
With your strength back, you locked your legs on the sides of Nanami’s waist and rolled his body over, landing on top of him.
His breath was caught for a moment before he smiled at you. Smiling back, you straddled yourself back, diving your fingers on the edges of his boxers to slide them down.
Nanami helped you by raising his body, and the moment you removed the piece of clothing, his cock sprang out, bearing a flushed, bulbous, red tip that mutely slapped against his belly. It was bigger than you anticipated, thicker too, and you wondered if you could fit it all in your mouth.
Probably not.
You also didn’t fail to notice the very evident damp patch on his underwear from his pre-cum alone.
He must be desperate right now, you thought to yourself, enticingly amused.
However, the moment you were about to wrap your fingers around him and descend, Nanami held your hand and sat up. He seemed slightly… Embarrassed?
“Hm… what is it?” you asked, pressing against his hand.
He cleared his throat.
“I’m… very wound up. Could we…” Nanami mumbled, words dying on their way out.
Truth was, ever since the moment you were grinding your clothed cunt against him, his mind was boiling to the thought of burying himself inside you to the hilt.
There was no sugar-coating it.
“Oh…” you let out, “so… you want me too?” you asked, a hint of amusement to your voice.
You weren’t the only one needy tonight.
He sighed from the depths of his soul.
“Stop teasing.”
His voice came out raspy, more of a plea than an actual chide.
The man was crumbling down, and it was delightful to watch The Nanami Kento, always so unflappable, falling apart like this.
You chuckled and planted a quick kiss on his lips.
“I’m sorry,” you offered in earnest.
He exhaled gently, gaze towards you softening as he did.
You blushed a little before proceeding.
“Where is the…”
“First drawer.”
Everything happened quickly. You snatched the condom from his nightstand and opened it. Nanami took it from your hands and slid it down his length. A soft sigh escaped his lips as the rubber snapped at the end.
Softly crawling your way towards him, you put both hands on his shoulders to straddle on his lap. Nanami locked his gaze on you, not breaking eye contact even for a second, right up until you both finally kissed again.
His hands began making their way down your back, and then…
You felt it.
The tip of Nanami’s fingers pressed against the scar you had right over your spine, and you gasped in pain as it hit the bundle of tangled nerves bumping over your skin. You instantly backed your face away with an aching grimace.
Nanami had witnessed how you got that scar in the fateful mission in which you two met years ago.
The sound of the blade piercing through your skin and flesh still lingered on in his nightmares.
His hand retreated so quickly you barely felt it leaving your body.
Following the aftershock, you opened your eyes to see him with his own eyes sealed shut, and Nanami appeared to be crawling his way back into his mind. His expression, usually so calm and collected, was replaced by a pained frown of his brows.
“I apologize, I… I’m…” he muttered, and you realized this wasn’t an apology for what just happened.
He still blamed himself for what had taken place then.
It broke your heart to shambles to see him like that, knowing full well nothing that transpired that night was his fault.
You cupped his jaw in your palms, and pressed your forehead to his.
"Hey, stop it. Stop apologizing, you haven't failed me. You never failed me."
Nanami's eyes were still very much sealed, and he seemed to be pulling even further away from you as the memories swirled around in his mind.
"Please, look at me," you pleaded, nuzzling against his face.
After a sigh, he answered, "I… I can't."
And he truly couldn't, still feeling the shame eating away at his chest like a parasite.
You scrambled your mind after something that might help, and finally realized the only thing you could say to pull him back.
Shit.
You were still terrified, and your entire body tensed up.
This is it. Now. I have to tell him now.
According to Nanami, you were brave.
And love, apparently, is something brave people do.
Still cupping his jaw, you sighed before letting the words come out of your mouth.
"Nanami Kento, I love you."
Your voice didn’t falter or stutter. Your declaration smoothly left your lips as naturally as breathing — the same way loving him came to you.
His breath caught halfway out, and he finally opened his eyes, soft and bare, gazing into yours.
"I love you, I have loved you for so long, I…" you repeated, sighing greatly, "I love you."
Nanami opened his mouth, but for a second, nothing — not even a huff of air — would pass. Knotting away in his throat, the words also struggled to form.
Should he? Could he? How deep in trouble would this launch the both of you?
Surpassing his worries, eventually, the words finally came out.
"I love you too."
The guilt and trauma had taken a backseat in his mind, at least for now.
When you heard Nanami’s words — heard him say that he loved you too —, your heart immediately began fluttering, and you could've sworn there was a ringing sound around the both of you.
There wasn't, though, just as much as the honeyed dewy warm rain that prickled over your entire skin was a manifestation of your love ridden excited imagination.
Smiling, you pulled him in for a kiss, and he intently pressed his lips against yours, no exploration left to be done — your tongues, by this point of the night, had met and familiarized themselves with every inch of each other's mouths, breaths, and moans.
Mindlessly, his hands plastered themselves back into your body, and brushed up from your hips, to your waist, over your back all the way to your shoulder blades.
Nanami brought you even closer, and kept kneading his hands against you, almost as if he was trying to touch your entirety all at once.
His fingertips ghosted softly around your scar accidentally again, and your breath hitched for a second. You pulled your mouth from his, just long enough to say, "lay me down."
Nanami understood it, and acquiesced. Swiftly, he supported you from your shoulders and hips, laying you down like a porcelain treasure, and caged you in with one hand to each side of your head.
You both took a few moments to admire each other.
Nanami was a tall and broad man, but from underneath, he seemed even more mountainous. His angular face, his wide shoulders and muscular arms, everything about him was just grand.
In a second, though, interrupting your gazing, his hand pulled a pillow from the top of the bed, and he gently lifted your head to put it underneath.
That was it.
In the end, you knew that his kindness, just as grand as he was, was what stole your heart.
Nanami slowly descended over you, and supported himself with his forearm to the side of your head, using his free hand to part the slightly sweaty hair on your forehead and press a fleeting, soft kiss in between your brows. Your heart skipped a beat, and his mouth came down pecking at your face in the most delicate fashion, until it rested on one of your cheeks.
You guided your hand down and positioned his tip towards your entrance, noticing Nanami shuddering with the sensation of your fingers clasping around him. His hand got down to the side of your hip, and Nanami let out a soft huff as he began to slowly push his length inside. He could feel himself gliding along your slick folds, and scrunched his eyes shut as the tip got past the resistance of your ring, eyelashes brushing over your skin with a feathery lingerance.
To say he was savoring this down to the last infinitesimal tactile sensation would be a gross understatement.
You dragged the tips of your fingers down the muscles of his abdomen, seeing how he deliciously flexed himself inside you, as you savored this in your own way too.
Sinking inch by inch, you could feel all the muscle stretches while his girth accommodated inside your walls, widening and filling you as he slipped in further. Your mouth opened in a muted moan, and with a hazy mind, you turned your face towards his, having the tip of his nose brushing over until your noses bumped against each other.
You captured his lips haphazardly, and Nanami stroked his tongue over your mouth, groaning the moment he bottomed out inside you.
You felt him almost kissing your cervix with the tip of his cock, and your mind was sent spiraling with the shivers that shot up from your lower abdomen to your entire body. It got you fluttering around his shaft, and Nanami's grip on your hip suddenly tightened, as a strained groan fell from his lips.
It took you a second to realize exactly what was going on.
"I-I… need… a second,” he mustered up to say in a cracked, coarse voice. His length was throbbing strongly inside you, and his expression looked almost pained. You noticed his fist beside your head was strongly clenched around the bedsheet.
Nanami wasn't lying when he said he was very wound up.
You planted a small, loving peck over his cheek and drew your hands to the back of his head, gently brushing your thumbs against his hair until you felt Nanami’s body relaxing, and his pulse inside you evening out to something calmer. He eventually let go of the bedsheet and drew his hand closer, tangling his fingers in your hair.
In an easy, gradual pace, Nanami began dragging his length out from you, and did so completely, pushing back inside the same way, robbing you of a gasp the moment he bottomed out again. His hips began in a steady, calm rhythm, and from your mouth, came out what he could only say were the best sounds he had ever heard.
“Fuck-- y-you feel… so good…” you purred for him, sending pleasured shivers all over his body. You were both completely covered in sweat right now, and your bodies slapped against each other, sounds only covered by your begging whimpers.
However, as good as it was, you needed more. Greedily, you felt the increasing need of being completely taken apart, and this slow love making was not doing it for you.
“Harder…” you pleaded, and Nanami picked up the pace as soon as he heard you, thrusts becoming more intense. It was better, no doubt about it, but you still wanted more.
Your hungry desire had become something indescribable, and all you could do was mumble softly in between mewls, pleading him to go even harder.
Nanami was also feeling himself grow more and more intent on satisfying your pleas, and realized this might not be the best position to do so.
He stopped for a second, and you muttered in complaint.
However, your disquiet was short-lived, as he propped himself up, manhandling your hips to accompany him and pulled one of your legs straight, letting your ankle rest on his shoulder, supporting your leg with his arm's length and hand cupping your ass. Your other leg kept hooked around him, and this shift sent his cock even deeper.
“Harder?” Nanami asked, almost as a dare, with his disheveled hair falling over his forehead, a few golden strands tangling with sweat. There was something remotely playful in his eyes, and it sent your heart pounding inside your chest to see him in a way you had never seen before.
Oh, how you coveted to freeze this moment in time.
In answer to his question, you nodded, half-lidded eyes and an anticipation smile, only to be surprised with a thumb making its way to your bottom lip, softly asking its way in.
You obliged, and put your lips around it, sucking on his thumb, basking in the view of this boulder of a man completely shuddering to the sight and sensation of that.
Nanami pulled his hand back, resting his digit over your clit.
“Hold on to something, darling” he warned, having a cheeky smile pulling on his face.
In sweet anticipation, you pressed your hands against the wall on which the bed rested, and locked eyes with Nanami, just to see him admiring you for a moment before he made a complete mess out of you.
In a sharp motion, he thrust his cock into you so intensely his tip bumped fully against your cervix, trembling the bed on its foundations. Your head launched on the pillow, your mouth falling open to let out the loudest moan — if that sound even be called a moan — you had ever uttered in your entire life.
Not sparing you a moment to recover, he retreated and plunged again and again inside your cunt, sending wet plap sounds bouncing over the walls. Nanami began rutting into you, kissing you deeper and deeper with every thrust, and you were nearly yelling from the pleasurable pain with which he had you finally crumbling down.
“Fuck,” he let out, “is this-- hah- hard enough--?” Nanami asked half in jest, knowing full well he didn’t need an answer. The way your back began arching so deliciously as you yelled and mumbled incoherently was enough of a response.
Every time he’d thrust, your body would tense up, and your walls would suck him in. It was sending his mind into a wild spiral.
Nanami was mesmerized by your face, and had the faintest feeling that he might cum from it alone. You looked and sounded like you were having the most delicious, toe-curling, gut-wrenching, blissful-stupor inducing sex of your life.
And well, up until at that moment, you actually were.
Dear God, he could die right now, and he’d die the happiest man alive.
You were having shock waves of stupor-filled pleasure shooting through your body, and Nanami began circling his thumb over your throbbing, sensitive clit. Oh boy, did he have you seeing the entire Milky Way in a split second behind your eyelids. Your mind distantly registered the noise of dragging wood and your fingers starting to struggle reaching support behind your head.
Is the bed pushing away from the wall? Are we literally rocking the bed? Holy shit.
A heat you rarely felt began to burn like incandescent molten lava in your belly, and you looked at him wide eyed, holding out onto some kind of desperation.
Nanami barely registered that you were looking at him like that when he felt the warm spurts, getting his entire crotch completely greased. You squirted so intensely that for a second you felt like you actually fell unconscious, before coming back to the second wave — the continuum of earth-shattering, convulsing orgasms that always followed it.
He wasn’t ready to have you squirt all over his cock so fervently, letting out the most heavenly, luscious, indecent and pornographic sounds he had ever heard.
He could never be prepared for that.
The sheer scent alone sent shivers throughout his entire body. Your scent was completely smeared over him, slowly dripping down his thighs.
With your walls tightening around his cock, his own peak took him by surprise, as much as he had tried to hold it away. The most animalistic and ferocious groan came out of his mouth as thick strands of white cum filled up the condom. Nanami's entire body jerked, making it incredibly difficult to keep pumping himself into you without risking pulling out too much by mistake, so he just let the convulsing waves finish washing down his body before collapsing on the bed by your side.
You both took a moment to breathe, then two, then three, still panting like you had just run a marathon.
Hell, you were probably panting even harder than that.
"I'm… I’m s-sorry about… the mess," you apologized, huffing and puffing, face blushing as you rolled your eyes back, still recovering from the aftershock.
Nanami instantly turned your face to his, mouth agape and gaze locked onto your lips, as he, without uttering a word, thrust his tongue inside your mouth in an open-mouthed, wet, sloppy kiss. All while still panting heavily.
Pulling back, you smiled, asking, “nothing to apologize for?”
He huffed, smiling back at you, “nothing.”
You both felt like you'd have the best night of sleep of your lives.
Nanami would not, however, as the thoughts he shoved away to the back of his mind earlier that night were about to take him into unwanted nightmares.
End notes:
I can’t reread this again. I just can’t. Hope I got all the typos out, lol. Old version of this fic is here. When I read it a few weeks ago, I came to the conclusion that I didn’t quite like it, so I decided to give it a go on rewriting it. Three rewrites later, here it is, hope you guys enjoyed it.
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Tag list (for this fic + current AU tags):
@jadedjane @senseifupa @nikos-a-clown @fairy-corno @ldrcvlt
@magical-girl-b @montyrokz @hexrts-anatomy @g-kleran @otomesass
@redlikerozez @yammy-yammy-yama
#jjk#jujutsu kaisen#nanami kento#jjk fanfic#jjk nanami#jujutsu kaisen nanami#nanami smut#jujutsu nanami#nanami kento smut#kento nanami x reader#nanami kento x reader#nanami kento x y/n#kento x y/n#nanami kento x you#kento x you#kento x reader#kento nanami x y/n#kento nanami x you#nanami x y/n#nanami x you#nanami x reader#kento nanami#jjk x reader fluff#jjk x reader smut#jjk x y/n#jjk x you#jjk x reader#Fuku writes#jujutsu partners au#tsukimefuku
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AAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHH
*eats your words*
no but seriously, your writing has me kicking my feet when I’m supposed to be typing an essay 😞‼️ I was wondering if you could do some headcanons for the companions x monk! Tav who, when being confessed to, Tav responds with “it’ll pass”?
basically fleabag inspired 😍‼️ please and thank you! stay safe n warm 🔫
OH GOD HEARTBREAKING i tried to make it have a happy ending tho!!! enjoy! and I'm so glad that you enjoy my writing! (mild nsfw mentions)
writing as if you're saying this because you think you wouldn't be the best option for their future, one way or another, and want to try and soften the blow for them by replying like this. you only want them to be happy and you're scared it can't be with you.
Astarion
you cup his face, and the look in your eyes is so, so sad.
you think perhaps your simple nomadic lifestyle will not be enough for him. you love him, you do, but he needs someone more modern. more cosmopolitan.
when you tell him it will pass you see a myriad of expressions cross his face: sadness, confusion, anger... but finally, resolve.
he takes your hand in his, firmly.
"my heart. I know when things will pass, and when they won't. my love for you is not some trifle, a fashion to be abandoned like it would go out of style. I mean it. I can make my own decisions, and I have decided where I want to be. It's with you."
he reaches out to embrace you. you're surprised, but let him do it anyway, and you bury your face into his neck to hide your emotions.
maybe, just maybe, you were wrong.
you hold him tighter than ever that night.
Gale
you're worried he is too smart for you. that he will get bored of you, and the idea breaks your heart.
you tell him "it'll pass" when he confesses because you're scared.
seems actually offended that you'd tell him his love for you might be fleeting.
"there are things which will span the ages. stories, gods, heroes. my love for you is one of them. I do not confess that lightly. you are a beacon of hope in my life, love... and that will never fade."
goes on for some time afterwards about how committed he is and how much he loves you, until eventually you accept that he's not going anywhere.
bloody wizards, so good with their words...
fall asleep that night after having the most intimate lovemaking session, all about feeling each other's breath and heartbeats.
he is here to stay, forever.
Wyll
wyll deserves someone amazing. someone who could handle his life if he became duke, and you're scared you'll let him down.
when you tell him 'it'll pass' he is hurt, and leaves the conversation for a moment. you think perhaps it is for the best. you don't need this to cause any more pain.
but later he comes to find you and asks if he can have a private moment. you find out he wasn't hiding from you but preparing: he has a little intimate picnic set up where you can sit and be alone.
when you're comfortable he tells you about how deep his love is, how fate has thrown you together.
"there is nothing about how i feel about you that could pass. nothing."
to prove his point, he slips to his knee, and that is when he proposes.
you're overcome with emotion. you have to accept how committed to you he is, and work out if you deserve something as fierce as his love.
there are tears in your eyes when you accept. you never think his love will pass again.
Karlach
probably the hardest one to say this too. together, your future is so uncertain. it will be easier to break it off here rather than maim both of you.
gets angry. in fact, goes into a rage. tears up the surroundings, and for a moment you're taken aback--
but then she turns and she's sobbing, stuck at the midpoint between being apoplectic and brokenhearted.
"you don't get to decide that for me! you don't! you're the first person i've loved... I've touched... I've felt anything for, for a fucking decade! when i feel this, it doesn't fade! how dare you think about yourself like that? as if you're some sort of phase?"
eventually she calms down enough but bursts into tears instead. you go to hold her and she embraces you so tightly that the wind is knocked from your body.
"i love you. i won't leave you. don't leave me." her voice is tiny.
how could you ever say no? how could you ever doubt her?
when the two of you are in Avernus, you're reminded of this moment, and so glad she fought against it. you'd trade this away for nothing.
Lae'zel
would she want someone like you? long term? she's so brave, so fierce. what if you're not good enough? what if your relationship develops only for you to let her down?
she gets angry too, but quieter.
is furious that you would question her affection.
"githyanki do not give their devotion lightly. the fact that you think my love for you could pass makes me wonder how well you know me."
it turns into an argument where you try and explain your side, and she's angry at you for thinking this way.
eventually it descends into angrily making out. some fierce lovemaking. her saying how much she loves you, possesses you, between every bite and kiss.
you lie in the afterglow. she says she will not leave, and pretty much tells you that you won't either. you agree, and tangle your hand with hers.
Shadowheart
tries to hide how hurt she is.
yes, Shar is the lady of loss, but the idea of losing you... of not having you in her life? unthinkable.
you only tried to tell her it will pass so that, if she wishes to become a dark justiciar, she will have no lingering attachment to you after.
and yet...
it is blasphemy for her, but she refuses to let you go.
"no. i won't allow it. i can't believe this will fade between us. you are the most precious thing to me. stay."
you're weak for her, end up tumbling into bed, reconfirming your love for each other.
you never quite believe that this is forever until she changes her hair, embraces selune. then your heart is full of joy. and it is full of Shadowheart.
#shadowheart x tav#shadowheart x reader#lae'zel x tav#lae'zel x reader#karlach x tav#karlach x reader#astarion x tav#astarion x reader#wyll x tav#wyll x reader#wyll ravengard x tav#wyll ravengard x reader#gale x reader#gale x tav#gale of waterdeep x reader#gale of waterdeep x tav#my writing#request
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random merlin episodes I wish we had:
a stuck in the same day over and over episode — where someone, obviously merlin, is somehow magically stuck living the same day again and again but only he knows that. we missed so many opportunities. so many magic reveals and so many different reactions to it, specially from arthur and perhaps the knights too.
a halloween special — with a much darker and scarier mood, with less comic relief and more horror. we have a few dark scenes along the show, a whole episode of it would be so cool
a merlin x doctor who crossover — I have this inside joke with a friend that the diamair (that alien looking creature that helps gwaine in the first two episodes of season five) was BBC's way of pushing doctor who into the show, and it would be so nice if it was true. it didn't even have to be a merlin episode, it could be a doctor who episode where the doctor and the companion (I don't remember exactly which ones would be, I guess the 11th?) get back to save the diamair and they help them find a better place to live. and then we see the doctor hiding away from gwaine and percy, and then merlin and arthur and morgana (and all the guards and all) until they can finally talk to the diamair alone. and along the episode we see the characters going as the episodes in merlin canonically did, but in the doctor's pov.
a breaking the fourth wall episode — fleabag style. maybe merlin is the only one who can break the fourth wall, but I like to imagine everyone can, but no one else knows that's a thing everyone could do it. I don't know how this would be explained in cannon, but it would be fun
a green knight episode — where we follow (merlin follows) gwaine in a cheaper version of the tale of the green knight where the writers would obviously time compress a whole year into a few days, give cheap and lazy explanations and the green knight would probably be some random morgana's ally but I would love it anyway
a knights episode — actually I would have loved a spinoff of the knights with two seasons minimum, but at least one whole episode following their pov would be so much fun. maybe something happens and now we watch each of them along their day in flashbacks or something like that, until said thing happens and they have to collect all the puzzle pieces and try to understand what is going on and what happened and why and how to solve it. bonus points if merlin solves it all off screen and they all think that they did it, so now they are all proud of themselves. merlin obviously lets them take the credit for it, but this time he doesn't feel bad about not getting the credit he's due for saving the day once again. he feels happy to see his friends all happy and proud.
an animated episode — I am a huge lover of animation and just thinking about all the characters in an animated style version of themselves makes my heart warm. I love it so much, it would have been soooooo fun and so cute. it could have been an special, didn't even have to be an actual episode. like a christmas special maybe? I don't celebrate christmas so I don't know what would happen, just that it would be animated.
one or some of the characters turn into children — I think it would so fun and so cute to have merlin, gwen, gaius and maybe leon taking care of baby/child arthur. bonus points if uther is still alive and they have to hide baby arthur from him. or worse, all the knights turn into different aged children, leon is a teenager, gwaine has around 11/12, elyan has 7 and percival has 2, and merlin is going insane trying to keep up with them at the same time he tries to solve this mess as soon as possible. I would love the absolute chaos.
a merlin's birthday episode — nothing bad happens, we just get to watch everyone doing their best to come up with a good gift for merlin. and he is so confused as to why everyone is acting so strange around him (but they think they're being stealth and doing a good job). in the end they get the date all wrong and merlin's birthday is like, in six months or something.
that's all I can think of right now, and I know most of them (maybe all of them) don't even make much sense and wouldn't be possible to make in canon, but hey I can dream.
if I ever think of something else I'll do a part 2
#this is so random i don't even know how to tag#merlin#bbc merlin#merlin bbc#the adventures of merlin#merlin au#maybe?#idk
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“In the sky, after drifting in power for a few seconds, Chuuya lost the black wings on his back and drifted down gently. Dazai caught his body.”
for more soukoku webweaves
creds:
joan tierney// art by @pleucas// rabbit heart - florence+the machine//a farewell to arms - ernest hemingway// art by @lotus-pear// salvage - hedgie choi// salt in the wound - boygenius// triple dog dare - lucy dacus// fleabag - phoebe waller-bridge// art by @lotus-pear// poison & wine - the civil wars// sue zhao// art by @pleucas// wishbone - richard siken// i am the antichrist to you - kishi bashi// we’re in love - boygenius// sue zhao// art by @kamapon// fleabag - phoebe waller-bridge// the view between villages - noah kahan// moon song - phoebe bridgers// curses - the crane wives// art by @shrimpkini// unknown// art by @lotus-pear// alone with you in the ether - olivie blake// american teenager - ethel cain// favor - julien baker// little beast - richard siken// art by @pleucas// lessons on expulsion - erika l. sànchez// true blue - boygenius// sedated - hozier// the trials of apollo: the hidden oracle - rick riordan// art by @lotus-pear// deathless - catherynne m. valente// art by @seukorei// the slaughterhouse - yves olade//
edit: I know one of the fanarts has do not repost on it, which is why I asked the artist beforehand if it would be okay for me to repost with credit. I’ve posted a picture of the messages just go under my #izzie rambles tag so do not worry it’s all good no need to send me hate on anon
tags (comment or send a message if you want to be added/removed):
@philzokman @dinosaur-mayonnaise @vivid-vices @pendragonstar @vinylbiohazard @fixation-central @sommmee @lotus-reblogs @galaxitic @gorotic @dazaisbbgrill @thesunshinebard @underthetree845 @whiteapplesandblackblood @pe4rl-diver @autistic-ranpo @the-gayest-sky-kid @ricelover888 @sskk-brainrot @liyv @hypotheticallyhaunted @sigskk @oatmilkbasic @sempieternall @pastel-paramour @thornedarrow @springkitten @sproutingstars @ghostsinacoat @shroombunnies @megaroniandcheez @http-bluewerry
also please tell me if me tagging you actually worked because I’ve been having some issues with tagging other users
#bsd#soukoku#skk#dazai osamu#nakahara chuuya#izzie posts#bungou stray dogs#dazai chuuya age fifteen#bsd stormbringer#bsd fifteen#bsd chapter 113#bsd chuuya#bsd skk#bungo stray dogs#bsd dazai#skk fluff#skk angst#soukoku fluff#soukoku angst#chuuya nakahara#bsd double black#bsd memes#web weaving#if this flops i will cry#this is a threat
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BiAsBuck’s ficrec Fridays
We're so back baby! Happy weekend everyone, apologies for the delay whilst I've been away travelling. I HAVE been reading lots on my trains however, so here's another round of the fic I've been reading this fortnight whilst not actively flailing over the glorious new episodes. As always you can find previous rec lists here. Some light spoilers for new episodes.
6 October 2024
still the bone remembers, still it wants by @eddiebabygirldiaz in which 'Eddie goes to therapy and learns how to want. Buck helps.' Ohhh I absolutely adored following along on this ride as a wip and now it's complete in all its glory! From his childhood responsibilities looking after his sisters, through the events of season 4 and 5, Eddie struggles with identifying what he wants in life, and Frank gives him homework to make a list of simple desires for just himself. What follows is a beautiful journey of unpacking what's in his heart, with the most gorgeously in love and enamoured Buddie. The imagery in this fic melted me, from the orange tree to dancing and more. Indulgent in the best possible way. I'm still swooning from how much they love and laugh together!
tell you my sins (sharpen your knife) by @sonofatoasterwaffle from sweetness to....Hot Priest Smut! (And yet somehow, still sweet?!) This is gloriously fun and filthy and a little tongue in cheek crack treated seriously, in which Eddie deals with his recognition of his feelings for Buck by fucking a Priest about it....and makes Fleabag eat her heart out. It's 'for anyone who dreams about reclaiming pieces of the religion that hurt them in a fun and sexy way.' Featuring incredibly funny Bobby along the way. Poor guy.
oh what a terrible honor it's been (to learn that my blessings are things you call sins) by @capseycartwright on the other end of the Catholic Guilt explorations comes this 'Hey God, it's me, Eddie. I hope you don’t mind that I’m sitting in your house thinking gay thoughts.' In which Eddie seeks various methods of support in dealing with the fallout from season 7, from therapy to a veterans group to reexamining his childhood and his relationship with God. Really beautifully achey and cathartic and uplifting.
Take My Oxygen (This Plane is Going Down) by @letmetellyouaboutmyfeels ahhh I had so much fun reading this! Buck is a succubus, and the firefam a mix of fae and humans in the know about the magical world. Eddie is a new recruit, and he can't help but find Buck mesmerising as they become best friends. But Buck has been coping with his inadvertently fatal (to his partners) natural state through a series of unhealthy mechanisms and it's taking its toll. When we say Eddie would step over the body to help support Buck...this is this fic! And yet it's also so supportive and sexy and a weaves in canon in such surprisingly effective ways!
the moon don't hang quite as high by @glorious-spoon in which 'after Bobby and Chris leave, Buck breaks up with his boyfriend, tries not to punch his new boss, and worries about Eddie.' I am so incredibly obsessed with the dialogue in this fic, it captures Buck and Eddie's voices and idiosyncrasies so well and the patter of their banter and friendly bickering, particularly how weird they are about their own and each others relationships (affectionate.)
The Write Way To Love by @spotsandsocks this was such a cute AU, in which Buck is an anxious children's fantasy author and Chris (and Eddie) are some of his biggest fans. Running an art competition for children to submit their drawings to be printed in his next book, the elusive E. Buckley makes a rare public appearance and bumps into single Dad Eddie, where sparks fly. Can Buck get over the voice in his head self sabotaging his path to happiness? This fic hit very close to home and I had so much fun reading it, and loved Christopher's voice in it so much!
a sweetheart (to hold when i'm alone) by @clusterbuck at all times on my Give That Man A Cat agenda, directly following on from the zoom call in 8x01, Eddie finds a stray in his back yard, adopts her and falls in love. Things might not be healed with Chris but perhaps they can take tentative steps forward. Eddie holding on to the mask even as it fractures, and yet not giving up, finding inner strength and outlets for all the love he holds in his heart.
cool dry place by @gayeddieagenda 'After a long summer, Buck and Eddie try to figure out if this is the right time.' Another which just nailed the voices so well, I love the patience of this fic, a really lovely look at restraint and allowing grace time to heal and feel surety, without punishing characters for needing time, and with a beautiful sense of precipice for a new relationship.
And finally two tumblr fics from @hotshotsxyz, the taste of iron a powerful alternate ending following 8x01 (what if Buck hadn't tackled Gerrard) with a brilliantly effective mirroring of the shooting arc, and a hilarious Brad Torrence POV fic from 8x02 this method acting (might pay our bills) in which we hear his inner monologue whilst riding in the back of the stolen fire engine with Bobby and Buck. Perfection!
That's it for this week, bee seeing you soon after Athena and Jem land this plane!
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-Puppy Love-
-Trigger Warnings: Dub-Con, Sexual Content, Animalistic Behavior, Slight Gore, Mentions of Blood/Claws, Pouncing on reader, Violence, Monster, knotting
-Pairing: Male Werewolf x gn Vampire!reader
INTRO:
His hot breath fans across my face. His heavy body lays atop me, warming my cold skin. His eyes look at me as if I'm his prey, entirely forgetting about the mangled corpse that lies just a few feet away. This look is one of a man that has been starved for years and has just caught sight of his favorite treat. It runs chills across my spine and I can almost feel my once pumping heart skipping a beat. This is wrong, so very wrong, it wasn't meant to be like this but how hard it is to refuse him when he begs me so earnestly with those puppy dog eyes.
The night was a full moon, the perfect time for a hunt, though the human that had caught my eye seemed to think otherwise. Instead it decided to make this way harder with running from me. ‘Great.’ I cursed with annoyance but before I could even go after the blood bag, a ball of dark brown fur barreled in front of me towards the panicking human. The human could barely get even 10 more feet away till it was caught in the teeth of the fury creature.
To say I was pissed is an understatement. This mangy mutt just stole my meal right from under me. “Hey! That was my catch!” He didn't even bother to look up from what was supposed to be my drink for the night, instead he just kept ripping apart pieces of flesh and eating with no care for cleanliness, like some damn rabid animal.
I couldn't hold back my anger any longer from this insolent bastard. I walked up to him and with all my strength I ripped him off the mangled flesh, pinning him to a tree so we are chest to chest or more like my face to his chest. He was tall to say the least, I had to crank my neck back to meet his eyes.
I bared my fangs at him, hissing in a warning as he snarled a low grumble. “Get. Off. Me.”
His growled words did not faze me in my blinded rage. “That was MY catch, you damned fleabag!” I shouted at him, unable to comprehend my own anger and annoyance, “You were too slow.” He smirked, baring his canines at me “That's your excuse!” This guy was pushing my patience.
“Food is food, I don't need an excuse to eat, angel.” I paused, the word of endearment he had called me caught me off guard as I stared wide eyed at him in silence, a warmth spreading across my face, most of me disgusted at what he had called me and the other half kinda lik- I quickly shook my head as I noticed him still staring at me with that stupid ass smirk. “Just! stay out of my way you mangy mutt!” “Anything for you angel” He winked at me as I let him go, shoving him a bit as I did so. Then he left, without a single glance back at the once living prey he had stolen, nor at me.
—----------------------------------------------------
A month had passed since that annoying encounter and instead of staying out of my way, he seemed to be popping up even more. Always to intercept or disturbed my meals and always with that. Same. Stupid. Smirk. “Having a nice meal angel?” “To slow, again angel” “Fancy seeing you hear angel.” He's a pest that's what he is, a pest that I can't get rid of.
I was once again back on another hunt that had thankfully turned out successful. I feel a sense of satisfaction as I stood there in the midst of the dark forest with my fangs deep in the neck of an unsuspecting human girl. Drops of blood ran down my chin as I drank my fill, humming with delight of finally getting something to drink after days of writhing in thirst because of that pesky mutt.
Sadly my peace was quickly cut short at the sound of rapid footsteps approaching and the heavy scent of musk filling my senses to the point that it made my head spin and my mind turn foggy. I was brought out of my haze by the feeling of my back hitting the cold forest ground. A large frame was above me, laying all its wait on my body, pinning me between the ground and its warm body. Its pants brushed over my face with a scent of iron on its breath.
As I looked up I was pissed to see the one and only smug ass fleabag laying on top of me. Though It took me a bit to notice that instead of having his usual smirk, he looked at me with a flushed face and begging eyes. It was disgusting how that cocky bastard could revert to such a state with no shame, has he no self respect?
That thought was further solidified as he started to grind against me and to my horror, his length was already hard and prodding at my clothed entrance. He whined and whimpered into my ear. “Please, please, Please~” He begged over and over again. A blush now starting to arise on my cheeks without my wanting. The scent of him started to make ressisting become even harder as it clouded my mind. This was wrong, this was SO wrong. Our kinds are enemies, we would become outcasts if anyone ever found out but no matter how wrong it was, it just felt. So. Very. Right. So in my foggy state my resistance faltered and I said “Yes.”
He wasted no time in ripping off every piece of clothing that was separating our bodies from each other. After throwing the tattered pisces somewhere behind him, he put his body flush against mine once again. His fur was softer than I had imagined and the scent of him seemed to be embedded into every strand of brown fur. He rubbed himself against me, scenting my body and providing stimulation to his weeping cock that hung between us, hard and much larger than anything I could imagine. “That's not going to fit!” I cried to him, he responded with licks to my face, cleaning off the blood from my chin. If this was his way of trying to comfort me it definitely was not working.My mind panicked, knowing that this was going to hurt.
He positioned himself between my legs and with his clawed hands, pulled my feet to rest on his shoulders, bending me to better angle his head to my quivering hole. I had thought maybe some side of him was still rational and he would at least take it slow but I guess I underestimated his animalistic side, because within a few seconds he slammed into me with a forceful thrust, sheathing his whole cock inside of me with one movement. His hands held my hips to keep me in place, which further intensified the feeling of his length filling every inch inside of me.
My mouth had fallen agape in a silent scream. My back arching off the ground as he continued to thrust into me, not giving my body a single second to adjust to his size. My hands clambered for something to hold on to, finding the soft fur of his back and griping the fur with all my strength, pulling every so often, making a low groan come from the whimpering beast above me.
He sped up his movements, thrusting into my depths like an animal in heat. I look down to where his cock is spreading to me only to see a bump from right above my pelvis every time he enters me. Just the sight pulls a moan from my throat.
I throw my head back when he angles himself that hits a spot inside of me, immediately drawing me to an orgasam that leaves my body trembling with pleasure. My hole grips around his length as he continues to thrusts. I start to feel the base of his cock grow, stretching me even more and with one last thrust deep inside of me, he releases his seed with a loud moan, collapsing on top of me.
Pants are all that are heard in the dark forest, his body rests on me as we come down from our highs. The knot at the base of his cock connects us and makes it impossible to detach from each other without something being damaged. After a few minutes he raises his head to look at me, a smirk back on his face. He moves to pick me up from the ground, my legs dropping to wrap around his waist. As he holds me to be level with his smug face. He says one thing that makes my whole body both turn frigid and go completely hot. “My Mate.” Shit.
#gore#werewolf#male werewolf#werewolf x vampire#vampire reader#gn reader#werewolf x gn reader#werewolf x reader#dub con#dark romance#forbidden romance#smut#monster#monster smut#fanfic#monster writing#monster fucker#monster fanfic#monster stories#dark smut#monster oneshot#oneshots#oc x reader#x reader#nb reader#divider by cafekitsune
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Cut the Shit-Delusion, Sweetheart | Cillian Murphy x fem!reader
summary: A young actress confesses her feelings to Cillian Murphy, this is how he responds.
warning: This is a much different story than I usually write but I think it's one that we all need in moments of pain and loneliness; to allow ourselves to feel sad and disappointment and hurt. We use people like Cillian to comfort ourselves and give ourselves reasons to be happy and sometimes we need moments to be sad. I was inspired by Fleabag (of course) and an AI edit I saw of Cillian where he turns someone down and its really sweet even though it breaks my heart lol. Age-diff, 1 noncon kiss, talk of infidelity.
word count: 1791+k
Blue Light- Mazzy Star 🎶
Don't interact if you're a Yvonne-hater, please and thanks <3
She hesitated before she knocked on the side-door of Cillian’s trailer. This desperate feeling overwhelmed her and she knew that she couldn’t sleep unless she went to him and confessed how she felt. She’d been plagued by dreams of them together, these beautiful, perfect dreams that poisoned her sleep like melatonin. She loved him and whether or not he felt the same way, she needed to tell him. She exhaled shakily as she dropped her arm back to her side. She was wearing her normal clothes, out of costume finally after a long day of shooting. She lost her sense of security behind the battlements of her gowns and numerous frilly things. She couldn’t hide her feelings behind her character anymore.
The door opened and Cillian leaned against the doorframe in a casual greeting.
“Don’t tell me we have a late night call time tonight, I’m fucking exhausted.” He smiled with his lopsided grin, his wide lips framing his teeth.
“No, but there is some business I need to attend to. May I come in?” She returned his smile and mirrored his posture.
“Sure, come on.” He stepped aside and raised his arm in a welcoming gesture for her to pass through the door. She nodded in silent thanks and stood awkwardly in his trailer which was simple and quaint. Except for the unmade bed, the trailer was neat and orderly.
“Oh fuck I’m sorry, were you asleep when I knocked?” She blushed and squeezed her palms together in an anxious gesture.
“Nah, I was just reading the script for a movie my agent wants me to do next.”
“Oh,” she nodded and turned her attention to the rack of costumes his character wore, “is it any good?”
“It's definitely interesting but I don’t think it’s t’e right film for me.” He sighed and sat on the edge of his bed. Cillian was wearing a plain t-shirt and pajama pants, and seeing the innocent-intimate side of his life made her want so desperately to kiss him. She sat on the small couch he had in the trailer and tried to smile.
“That’s too bad. Is it anything I’d like?” She joked and he nodded seriously.
“Actually, yeh. I’ll send it over once I’m through. I’ve been re-reading it.” He moved his hands through the air as he spoke, so unlike his characters. She almost laughed and he smiled.
“So, what can I do for you? You said you had some business to attend to. Sounds serious. Should I be worried?” He raised his eyebrow and crossed his legs, his hands cupped around the edge of the mattress. She tried to speak and immediately failed. Frustrated and embarrassed tears filled her eyes and she hid them by looking up at the ceiling. Cillian furrowed his brow, concerned.
“What’s wrong?” He leaned forward on the bed and she shook her head, laughing lightly at herself.
“I feel so incredibly stupid now for coming here.” She looked away and the bed squeaked softly as Cillian stood and joined her on the couch. She scooted over to give him some room and picked at the skin on her hands.
“You can always come to me. Whatever it is.” He said softly and the air around them stilled with anticipation.
“Oh don’t say that, Cillian. You’re so kind…” she started to cry and tried to hide her face.
“Fuck, I hate tears, please don’t cry! Did somet’ing happen?” He raised his hands helplessly, holding them over her without being sure what to do with them. She nodded her head slowly and hiccuped pitifully.
“You’ll have to forgive me for my comforting abilities. I’ve never been good on t’at front and I have boys so I’m better at comforting members of the male species.” He shrugged and smiled, trying to lighten the mood. She laughed despite herself and wiped her eyes. She stood and paced the front of the trailer, knowing that it was now or never.
“Cillian, this is such a horrible way to end your nice evening but I can’t continue on set without getting this off my chest. I hope you’ll forgive me.” She dared herself to look at him and he met her eyes, holding her eye-contact with mature resolve.
“Of course.” He nodded softly, wrinkling his forehead, now more concerned with what his costar was going to tell him. He was naive. He assumed she was going to tell him that she couldn’t work with him anymore or that something had happened in their scenes that had made her uncomfortable. He shifted uneasily on the couch, watching her. She tried to speak a few times but exhaled and shook her head. Cillian stood and met her where she was standing. He was a good few feet taller than her and so much older, but having him there beside her made the feelings she wanted to tell him about so much stronger.
“Cillian, this isn’t easy to say,” she looked down at her hands and then up into his clear blue eyes. “I have feelings for you, more than our professional relationship can offer. Working with you on set all this time has… it’s made my feelings so much harder to ignore, Cillian.”
He froze and remembered to breathe, drawing in a startled breath.
“T’at wasn’t what I was expecting you to say.” He ran his hand over his mouth and looked away, his blue eyes moving through his hidden thoughts.
“I know you probably don’t feel the same but I just… it’s driving me mad, Cillian. It’s becoming a form of method acting that isn’t fun anymore.” She tried to laugh lightly but grimaced and put the backs of her hands against her burning cheeks.
“Yeh…” he nodded and sighed, his eyes wide.
She groaned and returned to the couch, sitting on her sweaty hands.
“I can go, Cillian. I can leave if you don’t want me here anymore.” She whispered, tears pooling in her eyes.
“No, no. We need to talk t’rough this.” He said calmly, slowly, and covered his mouth with his freckled hand.
“Oh God, I’ve gone and fucked everything up. I’m sorry Cillian. I knew you didn’t feel the same but I still let myself go to you.” She leaned back against the couch and pulled her hands through her hair and pulled the skin back from her face.
“Stop it. Don’t say t'at.” Cillian snapped not unkindly but sternly and took a deep breath. “See, we need to talk about t’is so we can still work together, eh?” He ran a hand through his own dark hair and looked at her for a moment, thinking.
“How, Cillian? If you knew how I felt about you… it’s maddening. I can’t sleep, Cillian. You’re all I think about as pathetic as it sounds,” she took a deep breath, “I love you. And now you’ll hate me.” She continued and moved her hands, clasped together between her knees.
Cillian sighed and moved abruptly to her side on the couch, opening his body towards her.
“Don’t talk for me, eh? Look, I understand. It’s hard to not develop certain er… feelings when we do what we do, right?” He cocked his head to the side and licked his lips awkwardly.
“I know I’m childish, Cillian, but I can’t help it. I’m suffering without you… without more from you, more than we can do on set.” She whined and rubbed her shoulders as if she were cold. “Can you indulge me? Do you feel even a little of what I do?” She whispered, looking deeply into his eyes. He said nothing for a second before running his hands up and down his face, exhaling loudly into his palms. He put his hands down and leaned towards her on his elbows.
“I’m married, sweetheart. Yvonne is my wife and I love her.” He whispered softly, his hands splitting the space between them.
“But I love you.” She whispered back and leaned in to kiss him. He allowed her to kiss him once and when she pulled away, dejected, he took her chin gently.
“Cut the shit-delusion, sweetheart. You’re young… far too young for me. You may t’ink you love me but you don’t know me.”
He took her face in his hands and smiled sadly as tears rolled down her pink cheeks.
“I know you’ll find someone who truly loves you. You’re a beautiful young woman who has her entire life ahead of her. I’m flattered t'at you feel t’at way about me but we can’t, I can’t. If the roles were reversed and we were married and Yvonne approached me, wouldn’t you want me to stop t’ings before t’ey went too far?” He supported her head as she dropped it slightly to the side. She felt empty of words and so he continued.
“You’re a darling girl but you know we can’t do t’is.” He stroked her cheek with his thumb and wiped away her tears. “You need a boy your age who knows how to love you in the way you need to be loved. I only know how to love my wife… and she’s the only one who knows how to love me.”
“I could have loved you in whatever way you needed.” She whispered weakly and he smiled softly. “I know, sweetheart,” he soothed her like a father, “but you wouldn’t have been happy wit' me. You’re out of my league and you would have gotten bored of me.” He joked lightly and she allowed a pained smile to form on her lips.
“I’m sorry, Cillian. I feel like such a fool.” She closed her eyes and he hugged her close.
“Nah, you’re still a kid. You’re many t’ings but foolish is not one of ’em.” He squeezed her tightly and kissed her head affectionately. “You’re a good kid and a great actress. We’ll be fine, the two of us, eh?” He pulled away and she wiped her eyes dry.
“I’ll try.”
She kissed him briefly on the cheek and rose to her feet. She walked to the door and looked back at the actor with a small smile, the door open in front of her.
“Goodnight, Cillian.”
He nodded from the couch.
“Y/N?”
“Yes?”
Cillian stood and shoved his hands into the pockets of his pajama pants, shrugging his shoulders up to his ears.
“You weren’t the only one.... That is, you weren’t the only one who felt…” he broke off and cleared his throat, “but it's better t’is way, yeh?.... It’ll pass, love. It’ll pass.”
He met her eyes one last time and she nodded sadly yet full of a completeness found in their mutual understanding.
“Goodnight, Cillian.” She said again and closed the door behind her and left the trailer, walking with her back to the wind. Cillian collapsed back on the couch and looked at his watch, wondering if Yvonne was awake. She always answered his calls. She put up with everything, God bless her. She was everything and more than he deserved. He rang her up and she answered after the second ring, her voice ringed with sleepiness.
"Heya, love." He whispered with a smile, "No, everyt'ing's fine. I just wanted to call you. I miss you, girl. Yeah, yeah. Put them on."
#cillian x fem!reader#cillian murphy#cillian murphy x reader#cillian x reader#cillian x y/n#cillian fluff#oppenheimer#cillian fic#cillian fanfic#fanfiction
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Fuck it I love you | part III
pairing: sam carpenter x fem!reader
summary: when paired with Tara Carpenter for a project you were expecting a B or maybe even an A. Not falling in love with Tara's older sister, Sam
series masterlist
words: 1.642k
warnings: bad writing
authors note: a short one but next chap will be much longer :)
You let out a shaky sigh as you grab yet another tissue soaking in the tears rolling down your cheeks at an alarming rate.
Your heart feels as if it was cracking at the borderline cruel words that were said; the word 'why?' in your mind the entire time.
A ring from your phone distracted you from your heart momentarily, sniffling as you grabbed it and answered the phone.
"Hey Y/n, did I leave my watch on the coffee table?" Melanie asks you in a rushed voice as your eyes glanced over the coffee table to see the watch that Melanie owns.
"Yeah it's here." You croak out in a broken voice making Melanie's eyes widen dramatically.
"Y/n? What's wrong? I'll leave this party right now if you need me." She says seriously in a more hushed tone.
You shake your head as a watery chuckle escapes your lips. "No, no it's fine, stay." You insisted as your eyes glanced at the TV screen.
"Why're you crying?" Melanie asks you worriedly, fearing the absolute worst possible thing has happened to you.
And it has. The fucking worst thing.
"I just finished Fleabag again." You inform her as more tears started swarming in instantly at the mention of the show.
Melanie groans loudly. "Fucking hell, Y/n, I thought something actually happened!"
"Something has happened, Melanie. He told her 'it'll pass' that it'll fucking pass!" You sob again as you grab more tissues, your heart cracking even more at the still raw memory.
"You've watched that show so many times how the fuck does the ending still make you cry?" She asks you with a laugh now clearly finding your heart break hilarious.
"She said 'I love you' and he said 'it'll pass.' before saying he loves her too! How could I not cry?" You defended not finding your heartbreak over a TV show humour.
She laughs again. "You and your shows. Chads coming over with shots, I'm off. Toodles."
"Toodles." You sniffle making her let out another laugh before hanging up the call.
You glance at your phone and roll your eyes at the low battery. Typical.
Yeah, it's a Saturday night and here you are, alone in your apartment finishing Fleabag and experiencing the heartbreak that hurts just as much as it did the first time.
Some might say depressing, you say it's the way to live.
With an exaggerated sigh you turn the TV off with the small remote before standing up, heading towards your bedroom to charge your phone.
You reach your desk where the plug is at but frown when you don't see that your charger isn't plugged in.
Where else can it be-
Fuck sakes you forgot it Tara's apartment.
Groaning you grab your phone which only has 3% and shoot the girl a quick message.
Me (20:47pm): hey tar, is it cool if i come over quickly? i forgot my charger there 🙄🙄
Tara🙃 (20:52pm): yeah ofc but-
Before you can see the rest of the text message your phone shuts off to a completely blank screen.
With an annoyed huff you stuff your phone into the pocket of your joggers and go to look for your shoes near the front of the apartment.
At least you saw the permission text you think as you shove your feet into your dirty, broken trainers that you refuse to throw out since shoes are so expensive.
The walk to Carpenter's apartment is only twenty minutes and since the sun hasn't fully set outside you decide a walk won't do any harm.
You're a bit annoyed that you can't listen to any music on the walk so you decide to do the second best thing, think about Sam.
She's just so gorgeous and so sweet with her friends and Tara, how could anyone not constantly think about her?
You've seen Sam a handful of times since the gym, all of them being at their apartment as you and Tara worked on your project.
Tara and you have actually gotten through most of the project so unfortunately you only need to head over there around three more times till the two of you have completed the project.
You can't help but feel relieved to be able to actually finish a project in time before the due date, but there's also a deep pit of disappointment lingering in you too.
What if you never see Sam again after it? There'll be no excuses to come over there anymore unless Tara would invite you over.
Wow, that quickly spiralled into just not happy Sam thoughts.
Thankfully you stop yourself from thinking the worst case scenarios as you've arrived at the apartment complex.
Like routine you head up the stupidly long stairs since the elevator is still broken and after what feels like an eternity you reach their floor.
Knocking on the door three times you patiently wait for Tara to come open the door for you but to your joy it's Sam, looking as annoyed as ever; your heart swoons at the sight.
"What." She grumbled as her eyes travel you up and down, furrowing her brows at your shirt. "What the fuck is your shirt?" She questions before you even get a chance to answer her first question.
You look down at your shirt and giggle not remembering what shirt you're wearing. It's a yellow shirt with a pineapple in the middle wearing a pink thong, under it is the simple word 'Slut'. A shirt you got after your third re-watch of Brooklyn Nine Nine.
"It's from a show, you don't like it? It's actually really soft." You tell her with a smile instinctively feeling your waist to feel the soft texture. "Seriously, for around fifteen dollars and free packing this was a bargain."
Sam hums as she stares at your shirt questioningly before raising her eyes to meet with yours. "And you decided to wear a shirt saying 'slut' in public?"
You nod your head proudly. "Why wouldn't I?"
"People will clearly judge you. Stare." Sam answers speedily as if she already knew what she was going to say.
You shrug your shoulders, a weak laugh escaping your lips. "People who are complete strangers? People who I'll never see again?" You say with a soft smile. "People will always judge, it's our instinct to judge whatever we come across. But you can't let that control your life and stop you from being you; stop that from letting you wear what you want or even like what you like. At the end of the day they're people who I'll never see again."
Sam doesn't say anything for a moment as if she's digesting your words, her eyes never leaving yours for a second. You don't say anything as you gaze back into Sam's cold eyes lovingly.
She leans against the doorframe as she runs a hand through her hair. "Why're you here, Y/n? Tara's not even in."
Your eyes widen as you mentally groan, that was probably the rest of the text message she sent but you couldn't see.
"Shit I'm sorry I didn't know. I sent Tar a message asking if I can come over to get my charger but when she texted back I only saw part of the message of her saying I can come over before my phone died."
Sam sighs as she nods her head weakly stepping back into her apartment as she walks over to her couch, you take this as her letting you to which you do ever so gracefully, shutting the door behind you.
Your eyes avert to Sam's figure sitting on the couch as her back faces you with the TV playing on a low volume, one of your favourite movies playing on the screen.
"I love Little Miss Sunshine." You express with a smile walking towards Sam, resting your hands on top of the couch as you stare at the screen. "It absolutely changed my life, and the first movie I actually loved. Like fully loved."
"It's okay." Sam says with a small smile on her lips as she watches the movie from below you. "I hated it in the beginning but I guess it's sorta growing on me."
"There's a thin line between love and hate." You express your attention only focused on the movie playing on the screen.
Sam tilts her head up as she gazes at your side profile. "I wouldn't say I love it but I definitely like it."
You chuckle at her words, your eyes lighting up in the reflection of the movie that Sam couldn't help but focus on.
"It's growing, right? Give it time and you'll love it like there's no tomorrow." Sam hums very swallowing her eyes and focuses no longer on the movie.
"Did you love it right from the start?" She asks you. Finally you look away from the screen to look into her eyes, a gentle smile grazing your lips.
"Pretty much. You'll love it soon too, I bet you will." You tell her, thinking you're still talking about the movie.
But Sam isn't, Sam isn't thinking of the movie at all.
"But I still don't like some parts of it or even understand it, how're you so sure I'll love it?" Sam tries again, blinking slowly.
You shrug your shoulders before moving around the couch to sit next to her, your thighs touching as you smile at her.
"Give it a chance, this is your first time watching it right?" Sam nods her head. "Then give it a chance, you might surprise yourself and actually really like it in the end."
"Go on a date with me." Sam abruptly asks, barely giving you time to finish your sentence. Her eyes gazed into yours as a small smile nervously appeared on her lips.
Holy fucking shit.
#sam carpenter x reader#sam carpenter x female reader#sam carpenter x fem!reader#sam carpenter fluff#sam carpenter x you#sam carpenter x y/n#my fanficiton#my writing#melissa barrera x reader#scream six#fluff
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fic recs
aka, i read too much fic and need to share my favorites
gorging myself on you, still can't get enough (insatiable) - sobsicles
i love this so much. casual confessions from dean. insanely horny and conflicted cas. grocery store confessions <3
rating: M
how we're stuck in entropy - shineforthee
unfinished as of now, but worth it imo. sam makes a deal for cas' life and dean has to grapple with grief and mourning. amazing commentary on grief and dean's mindset, and great destiel
rating: E
don't stop, don't slow - hedderstheowl
trans cas and cas being so surprised by how good sex is with someone he loves
rating: E
love's such an old fashioned word. - hedderstheowl
same author as above bc i cant get enough of their fics. i LOVED this concept and characterization of cas. cas gets revived but doesnt believe hes out of the empty, and treats the world around him accordingly.
rating: E
ignite your bones - ilovehowyouletmefall
such powerful storytelling and writing. loved this front to cover. dean kills sam to get the world back- the remaining of tfw 2.0 grapple with the after effects. dean deals with grief, homophobia, and cas' confession.
rating: E
this whole trilogy but namely sam winchester, ally at law - alittleduck, amidsizedfrog
sam wants to be an ally soooo bad but dean refuses to be an acceptable queer. love this characterization so much
rating: T
the cheapest room in the house - biggaybenny
dean downloads grindr for cas to meet guys and gets jealous when cas talks to guys. angst with a happy ending
rating: E
psalm 40:2 - unicornpoe
cas time travels to meet dean pre-hell. pre and early seasons dean my beloved <3
rating: E
benedictions - kalmialatifolia
priest cas and writer dean. unfinished but i think about this fic at least 3x a week. if you enjoy fleabag, youll enjoy this fic. if you enjoy priest porn, youll enjoy this fic. cannot recommend this enough
rating: E
everyone knows the year doesnt stop until april- fleeceframe
first of all, go check out this author right now i love ALL their fics, but this one stuck with me. early seasons destiel. cas has so much love he doesnt know what to do with it. case fic
rating: M
gold in the edges of our vision - sewingnatural
i fucking love this so much. absolutely amazing religious imagery and symbolism. dean and cas share peaches on a roadtrip and are in love about it. fic that convinced me to go on a roadtrip this summer
rating: T
juxtaposition - rhinestoneangels
this fic is short and amazing. interesting prose, dean in hell, religious imagery. mwah love it
rating: G
where the heart is - goldenraeofsun
claire fic of all time if i do say so myself. claire time travels to s7 and hunts with dean before making her way home. i adore this one so much
rating: M
here, bullet, here - a_good_soldier
dean and his relationship with violence. contains pre series dean and post-canon destiel. named from a poem, this one hits you right in the heart
rating: T
use cinderblocks to build a stairway - pollutedstar
dean, sex work, ptsd, and self worth. heed the tags!! heavy fic but thoroughly enjoyable
rating: M
the soul burns brighter than the sun - wow_thisiswheremylifeis
post-canon fix it. cas escapes the empty and effectively breaks it, while telling everyone but dean that hes alive. they grapple with their relationship and fixing the empty. love it!!!
rating: E
let's take a drive - sobsicles
another sobsicles fic because theyre all 10s. jack reverts to baby age, cas is protective, dean and cas have a complicated relationship. amazing fic with amazing feels. best tag ever: maybe we're all a little scared and that's okay
rating: E
the eye is a mouth. - zeke21
dean, sex work, god, a study on the relationship between all three. fucking amazing fic, really nailed chuck's presence in this. go check out this authors other works too, they're all mind blowing
rating: E
asterism of an f-series ford pick up - disabled_dean
altered my brain chemistry a little bit i think. cas and dean go on a roadtrip and dean is exceptionally horny about it. dean is not normal about love and thats okay
rating: M
maybe i like pleasure pain - tothewillofthepeople
another one that wrecked me entirely. one of the best cas centric fics out there, this fic focuses on cas' recovery post-empty. lovely dialogue and imagery, just amazing all around
rating: M
wyoming, january 1996 - luulapants
THEE dean 17th birthday case. fucking amazing storytelling, takes johns journal entry and runs with it.
rating: T
between sex and death and trying to keep the kitchen clean - ftmsteverogers
jupernatural, kid jack, post-canon fix it with empty confession misunderstanding <3 love it so much, this author is so talented :)
rating: E
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. 𖦹˙— She’s so bad it’s dangerous..
pairing chishiya x fem!reader
synopsis in which chishiya slowly realizes he is falling for arisu’s twin sister in the most non romantic spot every; a apocalyptic wasteland.
warnings usage of yn. implied twin sister. pretty short kinda a blurb but🤷♀️. THIS IS OLDD, 3rd person. fluff if you squint. freak-shiya. he’s such a weirdo..
authors note i’ve had this in my notes for so long HELPP, i was in japan recently and omw back i became actually obsessed with chishiya, sanji, basically just one piece and aib again..I ACTUALLY WENT TO THE 7 OF HEARTS GAME AND OMG it’s gorgeous, japan was so nice it made me fall in love with writing stories again
“so. how do i know i could trust you?” yn leaned on a wall arms crossed near her stomach, her eyes bright big boba like though that was contradictory to her demeanor.
chishiya whom yawned scratched his head titling it to the side, “you don’t trust me?” a sarcastic pout formed his chapped lips, rolling your eyes you licked your bottom lip while pressing them together. “i don’t owe you a reason chishiya, i just want to get out of here with my brother.”
“i’m trustworthy enough for you and your brother join kuina and i!…and usagi can join too sure” chishiya maintained your eye contact sticking his hand out for you to shake it. you looked at his hand glancing back to his eyes giving him an annoyed look. “i don’t trust you once again so no. but since you saved my brother,” you heaved a sigh “i’ll join.” you shook his hand before pulling it away giving him a flat smile.
arisu seemed nervous yet ecstatic he didn’t know how much longer he could last at this so called beach, usagi just wanted to go home no surprise. “i guess.. we’ll meet you at your room tomorrow and discuss plans” usagi smiled at kuina and chishiya before turning around on her heels walking closer to you.
kuina and chishiya watched as the three of you walked away, telling from your body language it’ll take him a lot more to earn you and your trust. he liked that for some reason, what kind of issues did you have? why did he like that? something is definitely wrong with him.
“well that went whats the word..Fabulous!” kuina empathized the Fab in a sarcastic tone. chishiya stuffed his hands in his pockets giving small nods. “i’m going to play a game tonight, i’m running low on time.” he walked ahead of kuina, kuina furrowed hee brows in confusion he just did a game yesterday..
⊱☆⊰
that game was dreadful annoying and muscle inducing. for a spades game that felt like so much work—the card you guys already had so it was pointless. frustrated you harshly run your hands through your hair groaning outloud, god you just wanted to leave this damn hell hole. “you know what my little ladybug!” a low cheery voice rumbled the empty lobby.
rolling your eyes you had already knew who it was and you didn’t even want to deal with him right now, just the cherry on top of a beautiful ice cream sundae, “what do you want fleabag.”
“i think you put up this whole facade.” his hands were stuffed in his pocket. the hood of his hoodie rested on his head as his hair rested out, an earnest scoff left your lips. the scoffed turned into a laugh.
chishiya felt his stomach do a little tingle, it felt like butterflies were flying all over the place, how could he find a laugh so attractive? “you’ve never been so wrong in your life fleabag. i don’t put on no facade.” your voice was a sweet but harshly bitter,
chishiya just had a lipped smirk. he knew he somewhat got under your skin and it was kinda hot. “this ‘facade’ you say i’m having is just me, it’s me only caring for my brother and i getting out of this jail.” you put your fingers up in air quotes.
“so if you excuse me i would enjoy my rest before i have to deal with those stupid speeches you executives have to tell us.” you finally took a deep breath, you turned on your heels to leave but you let a huff escape your dry lips facing back towards the hooded man.
you had almost forgot about the card in your hand, 5 of spades. it was useless, “i forgot i had this. here, your stupid card” you gave him the crumbled up card. huffing you walked back to your empty room.
chishiya had been smiling like a mad man, he doesn’t think you realized. well he didn’t care. his heart was thumping, he felt his ears get hot. the slightest touch from you sent his body into this trance, and hell it wasn’t even a hug it was graze of the fingertips because she was mad and handed him the card.
it’s safe to say chishiya went to kuina’s room to tell her and recap the whole conversation with you, if you could even call it a conversation. his ears were still tainted red. maybe he was into you.
#w.riting ‹𝟹 scripts#— prim’s ☆ wildest dreams!#chishiya x reader#chishiya fanfic#aib chishiya#chishiya imagine#chishiya alice in borderland#chishiya shuntaro#chishiya#chishiya smau
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hey queen do you have any joel fic recs? can be au or canon long or short im just desperate for some joel fics lol
oh ho HO anon HELLO yes of course I do :,) I'll give you a variety of flavors so you've got some options. thank you so much for the opportunity to gush about some fics I love :,) these are in no particular order and I am 100% gonna miss brilliant ones because I have a terrible memory I'm so sorry
okay, let's start with SERIES!
I'll Never Get Out of This World Alive by Kiwicane on ao3 (ongoing series)
universe: canon universe, jackson!joel
flavor: ANGST holy fuck. also, incredible action sequences? like actually jaw dropping. and some... enemies to lovers? that's all I'll say!!!!
I actually cannot overstate how much this fic has me pinned to the fucking ground literally anytime I get a notification it's updated on ao3 I fucking RUN okay I run. it's so fucking good. THE TWISTS AND TURNS? you're not ready (you are please read it, it deserves so much fucking love)
Futureproof by @luxurychristmaspudding on tumblr (ongoing series)
universe: modern!au, actor!joel
flavor: girldad!famous joel starstruck by badass rockstar reader? yes I'll take 20.
the prologue for this just came out and FUCK I'm hooked. seriously, just buckle in. the vibes are immaculate, the world building's insane, and joel gets BOTH THIS DAUGHTERS??? I could cry.
Maintenance Request by @burntheedges on tumblr & ao3 (series complete)
universe: modern!au, hotconstructionguy!joel
flavor: fluff & FILTH just... trust me on this one. giddy rom-com feelings and absolute filth. but filth with love. AH
I literally rec this fic to anyone who gives me 0.2 seconds to talk about joel listen it's just. chef's kiss. the rom-com of my dreams.
Halcyon by @justagalwhowrites on tumblr & ao3 (ongoing series)
universe: modern!au, girldad!joel
flavor: childhood best-friends to lovers and s l o w b u r n PINING. so much fucking pining (my kryptonite)
this fic actually broke my brain I think. it is at once so sweet and tender and fucking heart wrenching. strap in for a slowburn but WOOF it's so worth it.
take me back to eden by skyspacelunar on ao3 (series complete)
universe: canon universe post-outbreak, smuggler/pre-jackson!joel
flavor: ANGST, enemies to lovers, TEARS
listen. listen. don't let the OC tag spook you away, this is so fucking good. delicious forced proximity, hate sex, then HEART EYES. there's violence, action, spice, LOVE, and goddamn tragedy. do it!
now... ONE SHOTS!
looking for the light by @sixhours on tumblr & ao3
universe: pre-outbreak!, brandnewdad!joel
flavor: angst with a happy ending, tiny baby 23 year old joel being a newly single dad to baby sarah
okay don't let the word count fool you, this one fuckin WRECKED ME (and put me back together? oh my god) my heart. I wanna hug him so fuckin bad. READ IT AND WEEP (but not in a vengeful way, in an angsty way)
until then by @studioghibelli on tumblr
universe: no-outbreak, priest!joel
flavor: ANGST angst angst. if you like fleabag.... wink!
bell wrote this for my angst challenge and it fuckin ruined me. ha ha HA it's so good. holy fuck. get ready for tears
hungry, lonely, violent by @dontloooknow on tumblr & ao3
universe: canon universe post-outbreak, jackson!joel
flavor: angst and fluff and smut. you get it all!
this is a BEEFY one shot (22k hell yeah) that has pretty much all you could ask for from sweet ol jackson!joel. the tenderness in this? off the charts. I do need him! biblically!
this has made me realize I need to read more joel one shots... oof! time to get through my tbr.
aaand I'm guessin since you're sending this you may already know about my joel fics, but just in case, I've got 3 ongoing series (one almost complete!) & 1 one shot
cover me up: jackson!joel (angst and smut and tenderness)
see you at three: no-outbreak au, young!joel (rom-comish, fluff and angst and eventual smut)
lock the gate: bostonqz!joel (angst, bitter allies to lovers, eventual smut)
I also have a bookshelf on my blog with shelves divided by characters, so you can also check out the joel miller shelf there (will include fics on my tbr list as well as ones I've read) this was so much fun. sorry it's long, but I hope you enjoy these!!
xx freya
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We are lucky to be alive in the age of Andrew Scott, an actor of extraordinary breadth, skill and sensitivity, who can terrify as Jim Moriarty in Sherlock, make us fall in love (inappropriately) as the hot priest in Fleabag and cry in All of Us Strangers. He can also astonish, last year playing eight parts in a stage adaptation of Chekhov’s Uncle Vanya. He recently became the first actor to win the UK Critics’ Circle awards for best actor on stage and screen in the same year. And his latest project, Ripley, is a beautiful and chilling adaptation of the Patricia Highsmith novel The Talented Mr Ripley, with Scott playing the lead, dominating all eight one-hour episodes. It’s been a wild, crowning year for the 47-year-old Irish actor. But in March his mother, Nora, died of a sudden illness; she is who Scott has credited as being his foremost creative inspiration. His grief is fresh and intense and for the first half of the interview it seems to swim just beneath the surface of our conversation.
“We go through so many different types of emotional weather all the time,” he says. “And even on the saddest day of your life you might be hungry or have a laugh. Life just continues.” We are in a meeting room in his management company’s offices, talking about his ability, in his work, to modulate between emotions, to go from happy to sad, confused to scared, all within a matter of seconds. How does he do it? Scott laughs. “I would say that I have quite a scrutable face — is scrutable a word? — which is good or bad depending on what you are trying to achieve. But my job is to be as truthful as possible in the way that we are, and I don’t think that human beings are just one thing at any particular time. It is rare that we have one pure emotion.”
It’s an approach that is particularly appropriate for the playing of Tom Ripley, an acquisitive chameleon who inveigles his way into the lives of others (in this case Johnny Flynn, as the careless and wealthy Dickie Greenleaf, and his on-off girlfriend Marge, played by Dakota Fanning). “Ripley is witty, he is very talented. That’s gripping, to watch talent. I can’t call him evil — it is very easy to call people who do terrible things evil monsters, but they are not monsters, they are humans who do terrible things. Part of what she [Highsmith] is talking about is that if you dismiss a certain faction of society it has repercussions, and Ripley is someone who is completely unseen, he lives literally among the rats, and then there are these people who are gorgeous and not particularly talented and have the world at their feet but are not able to see the beauty that he can see.”
The show was written and directed by Steven Zaillian, the screenwriter of Schindler’s List. It’s set in Sixties New York and Italy, and filmed entirely in black-and-white, its chiaroscuro aesthetic evoking films of the Sixties — particularly those of Federico Fellini — while also offering an alternative to Anthony Minghella’s saturated late-Nineties iteration that starred Matt Damon and Jude Law. This has a darker flavour. “I found it challenging,” Scott says, “in the sense that he’s a solitary figure and ideologically we are very different. So you have to remove your judgment and try to find something that is vulnerable.”
It was a tough shoot, taking a year and filmed during lockdown. Scott was exhausted at the end of it and had intended to take a three-month break, but delays meant that he went straight from Ripley into All of Us Strangers. “Even though I was genuinely exhausted, it was energising because I was back in London, I was getting the Tube to work, there was sunshine,” he says. “I found it incredibly heartful, that film, there were so many different versions of love … I feel that all stories are love stories.”
All of Us Strangers, directed by Andrew Haigh, is about a screenwriter examining memories of his parents who died when he was 12. In it Scott’s character, Adam, returns to his family home, where his parents are still alive and as they were back in the Eighties. Adam is able to walk into the memory and to come out to his parents, finding the words that were unavailable to him as a boy. Some of it was filmed in Haigh’s childhood home, and there was a strong biographical element for him and his lead. Homosexuality was illegal in the Republic of Ireland until 1993, when Scott was 16. He did not come out to his parents until he was in his early twenties. I ask if he was working with his own childhood experiences in the film. “Of course, so in a sense it was painful, to a degree, but it was cathartic because you are doing it with people that you absolutely love and trust. I felt that it was going to be of use to people and I was right, it has been. The reaction to the movie has been genuinely extraordinary — it makes people feel and see things, and that isn’t an easy thing to achieve.”
The film is also a tender and erotic love story between Scott’s character and Harry, played by the Irish actor Paul Mescal. The two found a real-life kinship that made them a delight to watch on screen and off it, as a double act on the awards circuit. “I adore Paul, he’s so, so … continues to be …” Scott pauses. “Obviously it’s been a tough time recently and he just continues to be a wonderful friend. It’s everything. The more I work in the industry, I realise, you make some stuff that people love and you make some stuff that people don’t like, and all really that you are left with is the relationships that you make. I love him dearly.”
Scott and Mescal were also both notable on the red carpet for being extraordinarily well dressed. Scott loves fashion and has a big, well-organised wardrobe that he admits is in need of a cull. “I don’t like having too much stuff. I really believe that everything we have is borrowed — our stuff, our houses, we are borrowing it for a time. So I am trying to think of people who are the same size as me so I can give some of it away, and that’s a great thing to be able to do.” One of his favourite labels is Simone Rocha. “I love a bit of Simone Rocha. What a kind, glorious person she is. I just went to her show.” Fashion, he says, is in his DNA. “My mother was an art teacher, she was obsessed with all sorts of design. She loved jewellery and jewellery design. Anything that is visual, tactile, painting, drawing, is a big passion of mine, so I have tremendous respect for the creativity of designers.”
Today Scott is wearing Louis Vuitton trousers and a cropped Prada jacket, dressed up because he is collecting his Critics’ Circle award for best stage actor for Vanya. I ask how it feels to have won the double, a historic achievement. “Ah …” he says, looking at the table, going silent, having just been so voluble. “I’m sorry …” His voice cracks a little. “It’s bittersweet.”
At the ceremony Scott dedicated the award to his mother, saying of her “she was the source of practically every joyful thing in my life”. Is it difficult for him to carry on working in the circumstances, I wonder. “Well, you know, you have to — life goes on, you manage it day by day. It’s very recent, but I certainly can say that so much of it is surprising and unique, and there is so much that I will be able to speak about at some point.”
He is looking forward, he says, once promotion for Ripley is over, to taking some time off, going on holiday, going back to Ireland for a bit. He has homes in London and Dublin. To relax he walks his dog, a Boston terrier, dressed down in jeans and a hoodie “like a 12-year-old, skulking around the city” or goes to art galleries on the South Bank — he was considering a career as an artist until he was 17 and got a part in the Irish film Korea. He goes to the gym every day, “not, you know, to get …” he says, flexing his biceps. “More that it’s good for the head.” He is social, likes friends, likes a party. When I ask if he gave up drinking while doing Vanya, which required him to be on stage, alone, every night for almost two hours, he looks horrified. “Oh God, no! Easy tiger! Jesus … Although I didn’t drink much, I did have to look after myself. But we had a room downstairs in the theatre, a little buzzy bar, because otherwise I wouldn’t see anybody, so I was delighted to have people come down.”
Scott was formerly in a relationship with the screenwriter and playwright Stephen Beresford and is currently single, although this is not the sort of thing he likes to talk about. He is protective of his privacy, not wanting to reveal where he lives in London, or indeed the name of his dog — but he swerves such questions with a gentle good humour.
He is famous on set for being friendly and welcoming, for looking after other people. “The product is very important, but most of my time is spent in the process, so I want that to be as pleasant and kind as possible. I feel like it is possible to do that, that it is an honourable goal.” He is comfortable around people, with an easy charm — no one I have interviewed before has said my name so many times. And although when we talk he sometimes seems reflective or so very sad, there are also moments when he is exuberant, silly, putting on accents. “I feel like, as a person, I am quite near my emotions. I cry easily and I laugh easily, and there is nothing more pleasurable to me than laughing.”
Scott was raised a Catholic and is no longer practising, but says his view about religion is “ever changing — I definitely have a faith in things that cannot be proved”. When he was younger and felt overwhelmed, just before or after an audition, he would go to the Quaker Meeting House in central London and sit in silence, something that made its way into the second series of Fleabag, in which Scott’s priest takes Waller-Bridge’s character to that same meeting house. “It’s just around here,” he says, standing up, looking out of the window at Charing Cross Road. “When Phoebe and I first talked, we met at the Soho Theatre. We talked about love and religion, we walked all around here. And I said, ‘This is a place I go,’ so we called in and there was no one there, so we sat in there and we talked. It was a really magical day.”
Scott says he sees all the different characters that he has played as versions of himself. “It’s like, ‘What would this version of me look like?’ rather than, ‘Oh, I’m going to be somebody else.’ You filter it through you, and you discover more about yourself. I think that is a very lucky thing to be able to do, to find out more about yourself in the short time that we are here.”
#Andrew Scott#Ripley#Nora Scott#Critics Circle#Vanya#Chekhov#West End#All of Us Strangers#Paul Mescal#Hot Priest#Fleabag#Phoebe Waller-Bridge#Jim Moriarty#Sherlock#Patricia Highsmith#The Talented Mr Ripley#Dickie Greenleaf#Marge Sherwood#Dakota Fanning#Johnny Flynn#Steven Zaillian#Matt Damon#Jude Law#Anthony Minghella#Simone Rocha#Louis Vuitton#Andrew Haigh#Korea#Stephen Beresford
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