#i love Jokes

[synthaphone]

unpopular(?) opinion: i think illusen and jhudora are most fun as bitter exes and worry it'd be boring if they made up and got together again

[raddagher]

what do u call a shrimp with no eyes??

Sad (cannot see the special shrimp colors)

(please tell me the punchline)

[itsnixderlol]

if you don't mind me asking ofc /silly

You can ask anything, thats what the ask box is for anyway lol.

[sunshinethena]

me when my partner says they don’t want a drink of my dr pepper

[itsnotreal]

NIKKI NIKKI NIKKI

WHAT DO YOU CALL A PILE OF CATS?

🐈‍⬛️

🐈‍⬛️🐈‍⬛️

🐈‍⬛️🐈‍⬛️🐈‍⬛️

🐈‍⬛️🐈‍⬛️🐈‍⬛️🐈‍⬛️

🐈‍⬛️🐈‍⬛️🐈‍⬛️🐈‍⬛️🐈‍⬛️

🐈‍⬛️🐈‍⬛️🐈‍⬛️🐈‍⬛️🐈‍⬛️🐈‍⬛️

🐈‍⬛️🐈‍⬛️🐈‍⬛️🐈‍⬛️🐈‍⬛️🐈‍⬛️🐈‍⬛️

🐈‍⬛️🐈‍⬛️🐈‍⬛️🐈‍⬛️🐈‍⬛️🐈‍⬛️🐈‍⬛️🐈‍⬛️

🐈‍⬛️🐈‍⬛️🐈‍⬛️🐈‍⬛️🐈‍⬛️🐈‍⬛️🐈‍⬛️🐈‍⬛️🐈‍⬛️

A MEOWTAIN

🐈⛰️🐈‍⬛

[ithappensoffstage]

I am genuinely so worried for all the young horny dykes going into adulthood thinking there's something "problematic" / "wrong" with them for being horny because fucking tiktok lesbians think any horny dyke content is "male gaze fetishistic"

[kensatou]

i'll let phie-san say it:

[inkskinned]

she's singing in another room and my dog is asleep at my feet. my grandma asked me why i haven't found a man yet and i laughed. oh, you know. i like my house clean.

my girlfriend is also my man is also "my partner" if i'm in a professional setting. yesterday we went to a ren faire and a man mimed at me - you're together? and at my delighted nod, his baffled, you're gay? made me laugh. a woman with rainbow hair said i love the two of you together. you're both so beautiful it's absurd.

my dad introduced my partner as my "..... friend. or whatever" the other day. he knows we're dating. in the same way, i was never able to get my sister's husband to stop saying that's gay like it's 2008. he still uses the word fa***t, and my sister's defense of him has always been well, he's just kidding.

my lover and i dance to old music in a tiny kitchen. we judge new music together and take food critique very seriously. we watch love is blind before we fall asleep and agree that if they had a queer season, it would be bloody but also make for excellent tv. of fucking course queer people would know someone for only 2 weeks and agree to get married. what are you saying.

at a bar with friends, a man puts his hand on my wrist. got a boyfriend? and yes, i do have a boyfriend, she's amazing. i am texting her while i wander around a gas station named after geese. i am visiting a swing state for a wedding. in the candy aisle i overhear: she's actually like a lesbian it's disgusting. two teenage girls with packaged sandwiches in their hands, giggling. no literally, like. i'm not, like. okay with her being there while we're all, like, naked and changing.

my girlfriend and i tailgate, drink gin and cider out of cups. from the frat group beside us, a man corrects himself with one of his friends: bro, i mean, nonbinary entity, and it makes everyone around him laugh, myself included. he razzes his friend the same way i would have killed for at 19 years old - like nothing happened, he continues: you apply sunscreen like an alien. he does a little sassy (and fairly accurate) dance interpretation of the motion. his friend is laughing so hard they're crying.

i am lucky, i live in a safe neighborhood in a safe state. my masc passenger princess comes up from DC. i drive her for an hour to where all the leaves are a violent arrangement of color. we walk along the trails, letting autumn into our blood. in this part of the state, there's a lot of pickup trucks and trump signs. when we chastely kiss before getting into the car, i accidentally make eye contact with a woman holding her child's wrist. she looks disgusted. she looks fucking pissed.

two hours later my girl and i are eating dinner on a patio, soaking in the last warmth of new england sun before the chill of winter sets in. we are giggling and trying to talk through plastic vampire teeth. at another table, i see a young woman sit up straighter. i watch her watch us. she blushes and takes her partner's hand from across the table. shy, like the taste of evening has just become something deeper.

it's worth it for this moment, i think. my lover is still humming the same song she's been singing for four days straight and i don't want to kill her for it. her guitar is beside my bed. her toothbrush is in my bathroom. in a few moments i will make us lunch. we are lucky enough to have found each other. it is lucky enough to be in love.

[futurebird]

The "B" is *not* for "buses"

Via mastodon(aka the fediverse)

[peachie-keane]

clair de lune will always go down smooth, claude really did put his whole debussy into this one

[spaceistheplaceart]

more ford and mabel bonding because i said so :)

bonus ford under the cut:

[petrichor-moss-and-lightning]

being a lesbian is so dumb. this girl once sent me a photo of a rat she found in a dumpster and i imagined kissing her in a botanical garden

[sheyfu]

Ofc! I will continue the jokes they won't be original. I can't do that to save my life but I can look one up and share it. Maybe if I gain a little more confidence I'll stop being an anon. How does a cat make a birthday cake? From scratch.

I GIGGLED. LOUDLY. VERY LOUDLY. I LOVE JOKES SM 😭😭😭😭😭😭 AND IT'S OKI IF IT'S NOT ORIGINAL WHAJHDJWJ i won't pressure you into making original jokes 😭😭 AND SAME GOES FOR GOING OF ANONNNNNNN you don't have to stop being an anon <33 i can give you an emoji/nickname if you'd like? HWHWHAJAHA THANK YOU FOR THIS <333

[vaultnewt]

NO MATTER WHERE I HIDE MY DONUT FRYER NICK ALWAYS FINDS IT AND USES IT

I'M SO SICK OF HIM

HOW?!!?!?

NICK. NICK STOP MAKING DONUTS PLEASE NICK WE NEED TO BREAK INTO THE INSTITUTE AND GET MY SON NICK PLEA

~~~

UPDATE: he finally got his donuts :]

[rationales]