#i live on and for angst please leave me with sadness i am better at writing negative emotions than positive

[madamechrissy]

=͟͟͞♡ Healing Hearts =͟͟͞♡

=͟͟͞♡ Pairings:-Doctor Gojo x Intern F!Reader

=͟͟͞♡ Contents/warnings- MDNI- NSFW- a little light angst hitting here now, it's still decently light hearted, an INTENSE sex scene, we are back at the hospital for most of this chap! Warnings- light violence, there is also some insinuation over overuse of prescription meds, smacking (during sex), rough sex, oral sex (m and f receiving) teasing, prone bone, creampie. Reader, 26, Dr. Gojo 34- Grey's vibes ✨️

=͟͟͞♡ Word Count- this chap- 12k (longest by farrr)

=͟͟͞♡ Summary- You are the top Surgical Doctor intern, along with Maki, Yuta and Toge. You all are exhausted from passing the first month, sixteen plus hour days, days you don't even go home, all to get a top spot with the star Surgeon, Dr. Gojo, your resident doctor and boss. Or as you call him, Dr. Hojo. He's takes nothing serious but his surgeries it seems, and has a reputation for being a player, but he has that top spot, so you want to prove your worth! You just have to ignore those stupid butterflies he gives you, and those pretty blue eyes, along with his interest in you, and focus!

♡ Reblogs and comments appreciated, LONG chap to make up for taking so long ♡

=͟͟͞♡ Part Four =͟͟͞♡ Playlist =͟͟͞♡ Masterlist

Part Five

Maki is snickering into her hand, while you palm your forehead, watching Satoru Gojo, your… boyfriend/lover!?- knock your ex down like he is nothing. Satoru is straddling Mahito, laughing maniacally, pulling back and punching his face with a resounding thwack.

“Oooh! We need snacks, Yuta bring em baby.” Yuta eagerly yanks the chips and dip, they both start munching as you glare at them. “What?”

“My money is on Dr. Gojo.” Yuta says.

“Well duh, no bets here!”

“You guys…”

Toge watches with a small smile, coming to stand next to you now, hands in his pockets. “Are you betting too?”

“No.” He says simply, and Maki and Yuta are munching on the chips, as Satoru is punching Mahito again, who is rolling over and grimacing in pain.

“He wants ‘em both beat up.” Yuta says, Toge lets out a little laugh, surprising you, but it’s hard to focus on your chaotic ass roomies when Mahito is getting the breaks beat off him by your very tall, very strong boyfriend. You’d be lying if you didn’t get this flutter in your tummy from it, from how good he looks, the pure manliness of him.

“You’re simping so hard.” Maki teases.

“Shush!”

“Who the fuck are you… ah shit… fuck…” Mahito pulls out from under Satoru now, getting on top of him for just a minute, and you go to yank him off now, surprising him and making Satoru laugh, knuckles sprinkled with blood.

“Mahito what the fuck are you doing? You’re going to need a doctor if you don’t stop now.” You shove at him, he glares, grabbing your wrist.

“If you’d just talk to me, and stop running like you always do.”

“Ah-ah. Off her now.” Satoru goes to walk up, but you hold your hand up, shaking your head.

“We broke up, what more do you need?” He sighs, putting back on these big sad gray eyes, trying to step closer to you, but you step back.

“Sweetheart we just need to talk is all, I don’t want to give up on us, even if you clearly have a… mistake you’ve made.”

“Mistake!? We’ve been done for months! And he’s not a mistake.”

“He is, you just don’t know better. Just give me a moment and I’ll leave you alone forever-”

“Gaslighter.” Toge grumbles, Satoru, Maki and Yuta all laugh, your living room is pure chaos, now Satoru is eating snacks while shirtless and messy, you notice, shaking your head at the people surrounding you.

“Satoru is my boyfriend now, and it’s none of your business. We are done. Talking alone won’t change it.”

“I can’t believe you’re doing this to me.” He whispers, leaning close, making you tense in disgust.

Fuck you had bad taste didn’t you?

“I am not doing anything to you, you’re the one coming here and punching my boyfriend, uninvited, crashing our party. I need you to leave.”

“Please just…” He grabs your shoulders, the entire room tenses, you wonder if he realizes everyone in here will beat the shit out of him. “Walk me to my car then, and give me just a minute.”

“No way.” Gojo says.

“No fucking way.” Maki says now.

“Fine.”

“What!?” Your friends all shout, even Toge, and you sigh.

“I’ll walk him out and we can get back to Friendsgiving. Okay?” You shake off his touch, walking next to him out of the door, Satoru pauses you, hand on your back.

“You sure?” He murmurs.

“Yes, I’ll be back in a minute.” You kiss his cheek, before stepping out into the evening, seeing your ex coughing just a bit, holding his ribs, you can’t help but feel a little satisfaction. “Listen…”

“No, you listen. I’m willing to forgive all your mistakes, take you back.” You blink at his audacity, while he caresses your cheek, your fingers itch to smack his hand off. “I love you enough to forgive you.”

“Mahito you never loved me, you only love yourself.”

“How can you say that? After all I did, after I stayed with you during all that schooling, during all that interning?”

“You didn’t support me, you just whined and were needy. Don’t even get me started on the rumors of you fucking around too.”

“I never-”

“Enough.” You cut him off again, shaking your head. “I have moved on, I admit I didn’t pay enough attention, but y’know med school is a bitch, and I was exhausted. I needed someone to just… be with me. Not demanding this, or that. I can’t deal with that anymore. Just let it go.”

“You’re such a cold bitch.” You glare then, smacking him right in the face, he glares right back, raising his hand to his cheek, stepping closer.

“Are you serious? No, I’m not cold, and you will not call me a bitch ever again. Literally, I’m done, you’re making a mutual breakup hell.”

“How can you leave me if you loved me?” 

“I… don’t think I did.” You start to let it sink in, what you felt the entire relationship wasn’t like one minute with Satoru, even the moment you met him, not that you can call it love yet, it’s too soon and scary.

But those feelings? Blow anything you’ve had out of the water.

“As I said you’re cold, and a-”

“If you call me a bitch one more time, I will dislocate your jaw and relocate it. You got me?” You ask with a pretty smile, and he steps back, going to his car door now and opening it.

“We’re not done with this conversation.”

“Yes we are.”

He speeds off, peeling tires, you roll your eyes, shaking when you step back into the house, Satoru has one of Yuuta’s shirts on now, it’s clinging to his muscles, way too small on his broad chest. They all look at you, Satoru holds up a glass of wine and you take it gratefully, while he pulls you against his side.

“You okay baby?” You nod, sipping the wine and sighing.

“Are you okay? He hit you.”

“Psh, that? Nah he didn’t do shit.” He taps his abdomen, when the stove starts beeping from the kitchen, you gasp when you see smoke, running over to it now, opening it and seeing the smoking turkey.

“Is it savable? Should I perform CPR?” Maki says worriedly, once the smoke clears however you have an only slightly darkened turkey, turning and grinning at them.

“It’s fine! A little well done.” You’re fanning it, and Satoru’s snorting in laughter.

“Your house is chaotic.” He says then.

Your heart hammers in your chest. Is it too much? He already doesn’t want commitment, and now you have baggage and-

“Love it.” Satoru puts his arms around Yuta and Maki's shoulders now. “I’m cutting the bird, daddy’s home you know.”

“Daddy’s home!?” Maki demands, snorting.

“Gojo I’m not calling you daddy.” He wiggles his brows, letting them go and then grabbing oven mits, helping you pull the turkey up and out, then leaning close after he shuts the oven door.

“Bet you will next time I get you alone.”

*****

Two days later

Friendsgiving turned out fun, but it’s back to work now, you’re getting changed into your scrubs, when your bra gets caught on your sweater. “Shit… Toge, could you help out?”

He’s the only one in there with you that you’re comfy with, but he turns bright red, just staring at your back. He then runs off, slamming his locker, leaving your upper half folded into the sweater, you curse internally, you’re already having a shitty morning. You found a zit on your face, you are a little hungover from too much wine, and you barely got sleep last night.

And now, you’re late, and Gojo hates when one of you is late, for someone so relaxed and late himself to shit, he seems to have no tolerance for it from his interns. You hastily keep trying to get out of your sweater until your arms are trapped, and you hear your name being called out, then a burst of laughter.

“Intern, ya need help?” Comes Satoru's amused voice, you glare into your sweater.

“Oh just do it!” He comes to you, quickly unlatching your bra, you free yourself, hair a mess, exhaling and looking at him, expecting amusement, but he's staring at your exposed breasts, eyes dilated. “Not gonna make fun of me?”

He gulps now, helping get the soft threads from the hooks of your bra strap. “Too pretty.”

You feel the heat on your cheeks from his praise. “Oh?”

“Oh. Turn around.” He clears his throat, you turn and he helps re snap your bra on, fingertips trailing down between your shoulder blades, making you tremble, when Dr. Nanami walks in suddenly, you step away, but Gojo’s fingertips stay.

“Satoru, seriously?” Nanami says. Satoru clears his throat now, looking at you when you turn, throwing the scrub top over your chest.

“Was helping her, she was… stuck.”

“That's what we're calling it?”

“I really was stuck, Doctor Nanami.” He shakes his head and sighs.

“Be more cautious.” He goes to his locker now, taking his jacket and shirt off, when you see him you're enamored for just a moment, earning Satoru standing in front of you.

“Are you checking him out!?”

“What!? No! I swear. No?” Nanami smiles just a bit, you swear you see him smirk, though you’re not sure if it’s your imagination.

“You'll make me jealous.” Satoru pouts and you giggle, looking around before giving him a little kiss.

“I love your body. He's just built like a whole action star, it threw me off. It's ridiculous how jacked he is.” You whisper, Satoru scoffs.

“I heard all of that, you know. You two calm down, get to work.” Nanami says, all dressed now and serious.

“Yes sir!” You both salute him, darting out now.

“You think he's hot!” Satoru huffs.

“Satoru really? Are you getting jealous?” He glares now, stomping away. “Really now?”

“You get to do charts, missy.” Satoru orders minutes later, as Maki and Yuta try to keep their laughter in, handing you stacks of them.

“What, I swear you're so immature!”

“Am not. Your turn for charts. Maki, wanna scrub in?” Maki grins.

“Sorry he's mad at you, but hell yeah.” You glare at the both of them, setting the charts down on the table with a sigh.

“Oh whatever. Go on then.” Satoru leans down over you as you plop down in the seat, breath tickling your ear, lips just a tease.

“You're my girlfriend and my intern.” You pause again, it makes you way too happy when he says it, damn near giddy. “Check him out with your mouth wide open again and I'll never let you out of paperwork.”

“My mouth was not open!” He just smirks and everyone runs off to their assignments.

Sleeping with your boss has the opposite of perks.

*****

Your hands are aching from paperwork, you’re stretching them as Satoru enters the elevator now, still glaring at you, you both are silent as the doors shut. You gently brush the backs of your fingers against his, thinking he’s so mad still he may pull away, but he brushes his back, looking down at you then with those eyes of his, the ones that ruin you.

“Satoru, I was just teasing, I think… well I think you’re the most attractive man I’ve ever seen, okay?” You say softly, he grins then, big wolfy grin.

“Knew it.”

“Oh god.” You roll your eyes, pulling your hand away, he turns and presses you against the wall now, making your breath catch. Your hands slid up his white lab coat, as his lips were just a breath away.

“I was jealous. I only want you looking at me.” He kisses you softly, a brush of his lips now.

“For someone who doesn’t ever want anything serious, you’re very serious about this.” He blinks, pulling back now, and you curse under your breath. “Sorry, I’ve been holding shit in I think.”

“About the no marriage thing? I thought you understood.” He eases back, you sigh, looking down at your shoes then.

“I understand just fine, but it’s nowhere near how I feel about relationships.”

“Are you so old fashioned?” He teases, you shrug, nodding.

“Yeah, I guess. Like I could maybe go without the paper, but I want to live with the person I end up in love with, I want kids.”

He blinks in confusion. “As a doctor?”

“Yes, as a doctor. I want a family of my own, I don’t really have one.” You break off a bit as it’s quiet now. “None of those things have to happen now, but they are things I will want in the future. I absolutely love being with you, but I don’t know if I can sacrifice that.” He blinks once more, opening his mouth and then closing it.

“Are you saying we’re done already?” He whispers, you shake your head then, a hand on his shoulder.

“Not at all. It’s just I don’t know what the future would be for us. I’m overthinking it, I know we’ve only hooked up and had like a couple dates. But…”

“I just can’t change overnight.” He says, breaking you now.

“I know. I don’t expect you to, but I had to get it out there, it’s been eating at me is all. For now, take it one day at a time?” He nods, leaning down and cupping your face, and you feel far too much.

“I respect what you want. Can you respect what I want?”

You nod, and he exhales again, kissing you, as the elevator dings, you both separate just in time, walking side by side, his kiss radiating off your lips. “I am sorry I threw that on you…” You murmur.

“Nah, it’s fine, intern.” He smiles just a bit. “How about another date, you need to make it up to me.”

“I can do that if you take me off chart duty.” He snorts, nodding then. “All right, date where?”

“Do you get motion sickness?” You giggle at the question, curiously shaking your head. “Alright then meet me after your shift.”

“Sounds good, Doctor Gojo.” You ache to kiss him then, you feel awful for having spilled all of that out, but he’s giving you a bright smile, so you hope everything will work itself out.

“Sutures now.”

“Really?” You glare, and he sticks his tongue out. Clearly he’s not done punishing you for the day.

You’re later sitting and stitching up a patient’s shoulder, when Maki walks in, all excited and waving her arms, breathless and excited. “Bitch we decannulated a fucking heart.”

“Oh go on, rub it in.” Yuta grumbles, the patient watches you all with amusement, you smile apologetically.

“Intern things.” You explain, when Toge comes in, glaring at you suddenly. “What are you so mad about?”

He says nothing, sitting down in a seat, as do Yuta and Maki, nibbling on snacks, the shift is finally almost done for the day. “You decannulate a heart and I was stuck on baby duty with Dr. Shoko.”

“Dr. Shoko is awesome though.” You counter, Yuta sighs.

“Sure, but I want to decannulate hearts. Who did you work under, Maki?”

“Dr. Gojo. Thanks for pissing him off babes.” She winks at you, the patient giggles now as you finish up.

“Have you angered your boyfriend?” They ask, you gasp, and Yuta and Maki snicker, but Toge still is glaring. “Or… is he your boyfriend?”

“Toge? No he’s my best friend, or he was. He’s mad at me.”

“Clearly.” The patient agrees, Toge stands then, glaring at you once more, walking right out, Maki and Yuta make an ‘oooh’ sound.

“What’s wrong this time?” You demand, and Yuta sighs, nibbling on his cookie and leaning back.

“You’re with Gojo, it’s got him upset. Plus I heard you got naked right in front of Toge this morning.”

“Whatever, I got stuck in my sweater and he ran. We all get naked, you know, it’s a locker room.” You’re using the antiseptic carefully, bandaging the patient up now. “How are you feeling?”

“The morphine is great.” You three snort in laughter now. “How’d you piss both your boyfriends off?”

“Oh god.” You lean back in your spin chair, yanking off your latex gloves and tossing them in the waste bin then. “I angered the one boyfriend by saying Dr. Nanami was hot.”

“You wanna bang the entire hospital.” Maki earns you throwing a paper cup in her direction. “What? It’s true.”

“Says you. Oh… they’re together, too.” You whisper to the patient, earning both of them blushing.

“No wonder Toge’s mad at you, you’re annoying.” Yuta sticks his tongue out now, and you smirk, wiggling your brows.

“Oh am I? Thought you all loved me!?”

“We do sometimes.” Yuta grins at you.

“Keep pissing him off please.” Maki says, standing and winking.

“Keep pissing who off?” Comes Doctor Gojo’s voice now, as he waltzes right into the room, and the patient gasps.

“Oh, no wonder, I’d date him too.” Gojo snorts, covering his face for a moment, as you’re a blushing mess now.

“Right? I’m the most handsome doctor, hmm?” He grins at the patient, who has to fan themselves then.

“Oh yes.”

“See? Maybe if you agreed you could have decannulated a heart.” Gojo says, and you sigh, standing up now.

“No date.”

“What!?”

You walk right past him, and soon Gojo has chased you down, you glare at him before shutting yourself in one of the bunk rooms, Satoru sneaks right in though, devious smirk still on his handsome face when he presses you against the door. Your breath catches, being alone with him always sets you on fire, the way his big hands slip under your scrub top.

Your body reacts when his hands press into your waist, sliding up the curve of it, thumbs under the swells of your breasts in your lacy bra. Your own hands glide up his chest, resting where his heart is thudding steadily, you see the glint in his pretty eyes, how they’re lidded, lashes casting shadows on his face in the dark little room.

“My intern is kind of a brat.” Gojo’s voice is husky, you giggle then, shaking your head. “Oh no? She’s been really bratty all day.”

“Maybe you should cheer her up a bit?” You tease, he moans softly, kissing you, tongues entwining as his hand slips down your tummy, it trembles when his fingers go under the waistband of your scrubs.

“Cheer you up, like this? Fuck…” He moans when he finds you, soaking wet against your panties, you whine out softly, covering your mouth then, when he rolls his finger in a little circle.

Gojo could say he did not want to date or even do anything but fuck, and you fear your body would go along with it. You’re crying out when you kiss him again, when he bends down and angles his arm just so, rubbing your clit side to side, pinching it with two long fingers. You’re rubbing him over his scrub pants then, feeling him thicken under your touch, he gasps against your neck.

“Fuck you’re so wet, baby. All for me, hmm?” You nod eagerly, as he nips your neck with sharp teeth. “Say it.”

“All f-for you-” Both of your pagers go off then, you curse, overheated, as does he, adjusting himself with a wince. “Dammit.”

“I know.” He cups your face with one hand gently, brushing back your hair gently, sending shivers down your spine at how good you feel when he looks at you. “Tonight, yeah?”

“Yeah.” He kisses you once more, then you both walk out, as an ambulance is waiting out front, carrying a woman on a stretcher, you both run out then together, Gojo starts asking questions as you get a look at her, covered in blood.

“Car accident?” He says, and the EMT nods.

“There is glass everywhere.” He takes his hand off where he’s applied pressure on her chest, you take over, placing your hand where there is blood gushing out, she smiles up at you as if she’s fine.

“You’re pretty.” She says, you smile softly then, as does Satoru.

“She is, isn’t she?” He says with a wink, as you all start walking her into the hospital and through the halls.

“You’re pretty too. Pretty doctors.” She muses with a giggle, you realize she’s so clearly in shock then.

“Right, we have all kinds of pretty doctors here.” You whisper, and now as you get into a room, Satoru starts ordering everyone, from the nurse’s assistant, to the nurses. They start hooking her up to an IV and oxygen, your hand is still pressed firmly against the wound, which is bleeding under your touch.

“Can you tell us your name, love?” Satoru asks, while everyone starts flitting around her, and Satoru is checking her stomach, seeing the wounds on her skin, but he maintains his calm and sweet demeanor, amazing you and everyone that ever watches him.

“Yes, my name is Michelle, pretty Doctor.” He smirks, you smile at her, while she finally looks down at where your hand is pressed.

“Call me Doctor Gojo. Alright Michelle?” 

“Doctor Gojo. And your name?” She repeats it, sighing then. “And you’re keeping me from bleeding out? You’re an angel.”

“She’s no angel.” Gojo teases, she laughs a bit then winces. “I know I’m hilarious but you’re not allowed to laugh, that’s an order.”

“Got it.” She takes a breath as Gojo gently takes your hand off her stomach.

“It stopped bleeding, that’s perfect. Good job intern.”

“I just put pressure, that’s all. Should I wrap her and get her to CT?”

“Perfect. After that give me the results so we can see our next step. Also, Miwa can you pump our lovely patient full of the good stuff?” He asks, earning Michelle’s grin when Miwa hits the button.

“Oh I’m in love with you Doctor.”

“Everyone is.” You roll your eyes and smile as he comes over to you then, leaning close to your ear. “We may be late for our date.”

“We can always rain check you know.” He peeks at his watch, humming to himself then.

“It’ll be too late for what I want to do when we finish, so let’s try tomorrow. Alright get to it, intern.”

You take Michelle to get a CT scan, and soon you’re in Doctor Gojo’s office, you’re so fatigued you can feel the day starting to creep on you, yawning as you hand him scan, he hangs it up on the board, turning on the light. You both stand over it, you feel a little dizzy, barely having eaten all day, like you’ll fall on your feet, but you push through.

 “Can I ask you something, intern?” Satoru’s voice makes you focus.

“Sure Doctor Gojo.”

“You want kids when you’re going on a seventeen hour shift?” He raises a thin white brow, you feel heat creeping up your cheeks at the question.

“I don’t want to stay doing trauma, Doctor Gojo.” Your admission has him confused, clearly.

“No?” He crosses his arms, looking at you curiously.

“No, I ideally would enjoy working for a cardiovascular office, but of course I have a lot to learn and go before I can do that.”

“So you’ll leave me when your internship ends?”

“I didn’t say all that. I think that if I had a family I’d need a more manageable schedule is all. But, why ask? I understand you won’t, and we are far, far from getting to anywhere like that anyway.”

“Did your ex want ‘em? Kids.”

“Yuck.” He snorts then. “Sure he did, but thank god I didn’t go there with him, what I felt for him…”

“Go on.”

“Satoru, we should focus.”

“What you felt for him?”

“It’s nothing like what I feel for you.” He exhales, eyes locking on yours, drifting to your lips. “Not even a tiny bit of what I feel, which is fucking scary.”

“It is scary, isn’t it? But you’re brave hmm?” His voice is like a caress that washes over you, as he steps so close to you, filling your nostrils with his expensive cologne, your body thrumming with want for him.

“I try to be.” Your voice is just a breath, really.

“I think you’re perfect for the trauma ward, I can’t convince you but I think you’d be bored doing anything else. And maybe I’ll convince you that you don’t want a little brat whining.” You glare at him, the spell he’s cast over.

“Satoru, you're the worst.” He’s chuckling now.

“I’ll make you work under Shoko all goddamn month, nothing but whiny babies slobbering all over your scrubs.”

“I love babies, so go for it.” He rolls his pretty blue eyes, shaking his head and pointing to her scan then.

“Sure you do. Alright, now take a look brat.”

“Brat!? You’re the brat here.” You lean forward, evaluating the scan, seeing her tummy then. “No internal bleeding whatsoever.”

“Mmhmm, she got lucky, what else do you see?”

“Aside from the nasty gash she had, just blunt abdominal trauma, of course her face also needs stitches in several areas from the airbag going off. Her spleen is a little swollen though?”

“So the best course of action?”

“Laparotomy.”

“Good girl.” You melt, and he knows it, leaning down and tapping your nose. “Wanna scrub in?”

“Is this our date!? Yes!” He pops a kiss on your nose now, the tension of your earlier conversations fading now.

Soon you’re scrubbing in with Satoru, masks on, he’s got his surgical glasses propped up on his nose as he starts drying his hands with you. “You know what we’re doing here, right?”

“Yes, I will follow your orders Daddy Gojo.” You wink and he snorts in laughter, leaning close to you for a moment.

“You make fun of that but just wait.”

“Mmhmm.”

You follow him into the O.R. which is freezing cold, goosebumps prick along your arms, the lights overhead glaring brightly, Michelle is already out. There are heat packs on her legs and arms when you start prepping her, Gojo’s hand is on your back when you are ready, giving you a gentle push forward, you blink in surprise then, looking at him.

“I’ll guide you through this one.” He murmurs, your heart thuds in your chest, as the surgical nurse starts handing you tools, you’re shaking internally but on the outside you are completely steady, so ready to show him what you can do.

The beeps of the monitors are a steady rhythm as you both work side by side, he is cutting into her skin with a scalpel, the smell of the disinfectant and antiseptic fill the room, but it mixes with Satoru’s scent. Gojo’s voice is calm, guiding you through the process, and you focus intently, not wanting to make a single mistake. This wasn’t a cadaver, it was a person.

Every movement is precise and careful, as you exhale into your mask, pressing down and separating the layer of fat over the spleen. “Perfect, you’re doing great.” He assures you, making the tension in your shoulders ease.

“Thank you Doctor.” Satoru begins to take over his incision, as you pack around it, watching his movements like a hawk, then you notice it, a faint little glimmer in several places on her spleen.

You look up at Gojo, and his eyes are narrowed, he’s frowning now. He leans in closer, looking at the area you’re working on.

“You’ve found something, haven’t you intern?”

“Yeah, I think so.” You whisper, and he takes the scalpel from your hand, making a small cut, and you see it, a tiny piece of glass embedded in the muscle. “A few pieces of glass, they don’t appear to be very big though.”

“Good catch intern. We’ll have to remove it carefully, we don’t want to cause more damage. So I think on this part you should watch me work my magic, hmm?” The nurses in the room sigh in adoration, you smile behind your mask at his overt confidence, but you love it actually.

“Yes of course, I’d love to watch.” You hand him the tools, watching as he works with the precision of a master sculptor, his hands work with effortless grace as he is carefully removing the shards of glass without causing any further harm. “You’re so precise.”

“You have to be, but it comes with practice. There.” The shards of glass make a little tink sound as he puts them in the metal dish.

The surgery continues, and you assist where you can, his hands guiding yours, showing you the right amount of pressure, the right angle to hold the tools. You’re lost in the rhythm of it, the focus so intense it’s almost meditative, it’s so comfortable working side by side with him, you try to absorb everything he’s showing you, hoping it all sinks into your brain.

You can’t even imagine being as good as he is, when he’s stitching her up, the sutures were absolutely perfect, but he gestures for you to come over when he’s stitching her skin. “Now, put those sutures to work, intern.” He teases, standing behind you.

“Is that why you had me on suture duty?” You whisper, taking the needle and thread, gently pulling.

“Nah, I was totally punishing you.” His words in your ear make you heat up, you shake it off, focusing, and as the time ticks by, the surgery is a success, you’re both exhausted but exhilarated. You step back, letting the nurses clean up, and Gojo turns to you, pulling down his mask.

“You did good, Intern.” He says, his voice tired but proud, and you feel a warm glow spread through your chest at his praise.

“Thank you Doctor Gojo.”

It’s only about an hour later than your shift, but your friends have already gone home, as you and Satoru get changed in the locker room. It’s so comfortable with him, everything, surgery, the quiet in the mornings and afternoons, it makes you wonder at the ease it is to just be with him.

He surprises you when you’re taking off your scrub top, his big hands grabbing at your waist, pressing kisses on the nape of your neck. “You know, if you want kids so bad, we could pretend that I’m knocking you up.”

The filthy thoughts he’s putting in your brain wreck you, you shove them down as best as you can. “You’re the worst, Hojo.”

He snorts, as you turn, his fingers caressing up and down your waist, you nervously peek around. “No baby I’m the best.”

You’re aching for him, for his fingers caressing your skin, wanting him so much you can’t stand it. All the memories of the other night fill you, remembering his lips, his touch. His…

“We shouldn’t.”

“Mmm, I know.” He kisses you then, mouth pressing against yours, your lips part in a gasp as his tongue overtakes your mouth, swirling with yours, as he presses your back against the locker. “Could fill you up with so much cum though, huh?”

“Shh.” You’re melting in his arms, as he’s slipping his hands down your hips, your back, gripping your ass over your jeans, your nipples press through your lacy bra against his hard chest, your hands entwining in his silky white locks. You feel your tummy clenching with desire when he pulls you against him.

“Come to my place for a bit.” He eases back as you both hear footsteps, Suguru walks in looking exhausted, smirking at the two of you then.

“The star intern, hmm? How’d the car accident surgery go?” He asks, heading to his locker and easing off his coat, Satoru covers your face then, you giggle.

“Stop it!”

“No I don’t need you ogling him, brat.” Suguru’s chuckle fills the room, you yank down his hand and Satoru’s face is directly in front of yours.

“Am I that attractive that you’re worried about me?” Suguru asks, you turn and slip your sweater on then.

“Sure are baby boy.” Satoru blows Suguru kisses.

“Ugh, you sure you wanna date this guy?” Suguru asks, you turn and find he’s already slipped on a sweatshirt and jeans.

“Of course she does, I’m amazing.” Satoru says, you finish getting your things together as Suguru, you and Satoru leave the hospital, all completely wiped.

“I’ll see you two tomorrow, lovebirds.” He says with a yawn, leaving Satoru and you by your giant old SUV.

“Why do you drive this ancient thing?” You glare at him.

“It’s my baby.”

“It’s hideous.”

“Well, I’m not coming over.”

He presses you against the car door, hands on either side of you. “Yeah you are, I’ll even let you stay the night.”

“You let girls stay the night? Isn’t that too much for a Hojo?” Satoru sighs, easing back just a bit as you take a breath.

“I liked cuddling with you, alright?” Your heart beats fast inside your chest at his soft confession. “You can wear one of my big shirts.”

“It’s sounding better and better… maybe.”

“I’ll make cocoa.”

“Sold. Follow you there?” With another kiss you’re back in your car, nerves hitting as you think of seeing his home, it’s not very far as you drive in the evening, right behind Satoru’s fancy little sports car.

When you pull up it’s about as beautiful as you imagined it would be, if not exceeding your expectations, the house is gorgeous and huge, but nothing as ostentatious as his parents mansion. It was a little more simple and modern, you step out of the car into the chilled air that’s rapidly cooling, making you shiver just a bit when he hops out of his car.

“It’s beautiful here.” You murmur, walking up to the porch now, Satoru unlocks the doors, ushering you in, you don’t know what you expect it to look like inside, but it’s so warm and inviting, the cream colored walls and polished wooden floors. The living room has a giant modern couch and a wall of windows showing the city skyline, black curtains pulled back just so.

“My humble abode.” You both take off your shoes then.

“Humble!? Nothing about you is humble.”

“Sure I am. I like your place too, you know.”

“Mine looks so trash now.”

“Nah, your place is just very lived in.” Your eyes dart around, it’s stupidly clean, aside from papers scattered across the dining room table, his kitchen is huge and has the newest stainless steel appliances, making your old oven and fridge look like shit honestly. But, it’s gorgeous, just like Doctor Gojo.

You eye a large black piano, a baby grand then, you have one of those collecting dust in the attic, it was your dad’s and it hurts too much to look at. But you remember playing next to him as he taught you, you remember loving it so much until he was gone, you wonder if you remember it, how to tap on the keys like you used to.

You realize you’re in a deep memory when his hands on your shoulders jolt you. “Like the piano or something?” He asks, you look away then, and he sees a glimmer in your eyes. “What’s wrong?”

“Just memories, sorry.” You brush your eyes, irritated at the emotions, looking away now.

“Why say sorry? What memories?”

“Just… I used to enjoy the piano. Do you play?” You ask, trying to keep your voice bright.

“A little, but it’s more for the aesthetic. Do you still play?”

“It’s been so long but, I was pretty good at it.” Your fingers run over the keys delicately.

“Would you play for me? I’ll make us that cocoa.” You feel your nerves as you nod, sitting down now.

“Let’s see if I remember anything.” The piano is well cared for, and the keys are smooth under your fingers as you start playing, the melody to a song you’ve had stuck in your head from a long time ago.

Satoru hears the melody then, and he watches you, enamored as he sees the way your fingers dance across the keys. You are clearly being modest because your level of experience seems ridiculous. Your brows go together in concentration, the soft lights overhead dancing across your pretty face, casting little shadows on your delicate features.

Fuck you’re pretty.

Your words earlier hurt him, to think he could lose you before he has even had a chance with you, somehow Satoru already misses you when he’s not in your presence, and it makes him ache. He knows he hurt you when he told you how he is, and that you could likely have anyone, just look at you, beautiful, smart, funny. Talented not just as an intern, but so much more.

He doesn’t know if he’s expressed just how much he cares, just how much he feels so quickly. You are smiling up at him, a little nervous he can tell, he should be making the cocoa but he’s frozen in place, as you don’t even look at the keys, fingers drifting across effortlessly. He’s seen your steady hands at work today, but now they glide perfectly, like you’re made to play.

You slow down then, finishing the melody, one he’s never heard, but it feels sweet and nostalgic somehow to him, it feels a bit like being with you. It was so easy to hold you in his arms, to watch that cute nose scrunch up when he taps it, it was easy to work with you. So easy it scares the fuck out of him.

But when he was inside of you? 

God that made it to where all he can think about is sinking inside your heat again, of burying his face between your thighs, lapping your juices up, and fuck there was so much, you get so wet for him. He’s never felt anything like his cock inside your perfect pussy, like your lips against his, there was nothing like when he’d cum inside you.

But you do want different things, and Satoru couldn’t give you that, could he? He couldn’t give you a ring and a wedding, and he’d never wanted kids. He’d want you to himself, he’d want you two to do anything and everything, and he wants these things insanely fast, a pace that terrifies him.

He gets jealous when men look at you already, and they all do, the beautiful intern with the sweet smile, even Nanami and Suguru had mentioned how pretty and sweet you were in passing. He had been angry before he even got with you, before he even felt you, before he even kissed you, even that day you had walked in for the first time.

He’d tried to ask you out, he honestly thought he’d love to fuck you, he didn’t date really, but you not were just hard to get, you intrigued him, your mind and how it works, the way you feel so passionately. You’re a little insane, you break the rules, you are competitive as fuck, he started admiring that all so much, along with your scent, your looks, your energy.

Satoru has it bad for you, in fact in his almost thirty four years he has never felt like this, he can’t think of anything but you. All the girls he’d messed with previously he’s had to firmly turn down, because just your kisses alone are better than anything they can do for him. You are something else, driving him to think of more, to question more, in the hospital and out of it.

But could you really handle all of him, the parts he has never shown anyone, aside from his best friends, the depression he hides behind jokes and smiles, the vices he has. Things he’d never share in a million fucking years with any woman, but he wants to share them with you, he wants you to know him, but when you really do, on top of your differences?

You’d probably leave him.

“You’re insanely good. How long has it been?” He asks then, your cheeks turn this cute shade, you’re biting your lower lip, hands falling off the keys nervously.

“Years, I guess the muscle memory is still there. Um… I played with my dad.” Satoru sits next to you on the bench then, his eyes on you are so intense it’s like he’s peering into your soul, you blush and look back down, continuing to play, feeling the emotions flow through your fingertips.

“Did he teach you?” Satoru asks softly.

“Yeah, he did. But I don’t think anyone was as good as him, he was a professional for sure. Now it’s gathering dust.” Satoru brushes a lock of your hair behind your ear as you finish and he’s quiet for a moment.

“That was beautiful, how you play.” He says, so softly you almost don’t hear it, but his words warm you up inside, making your heart flutter.

“Thank you, Satoru. Thank you.” You feel emotions hitting when he leans down, kissing you on the piano bench, so soft and sweet, not the hungry passionate kisses that you two have shared. It’s so gentle it breaks your heart, you pull back then, blinking tears back. “I shouldn’t have been so harsh on you, about your opinions. I respect them, I promise I don’t want to change you.”

He gulps then, thumb brushing over your lower lip. “I don’t want to change you either, I want to know you, know all of you.” His hands slip down to your waist now, pressing you against his side as he hugs you, resting his chin on your head. “Every bit, what makes you tick.”

“I want to know you.” You kiss up his throat now, earning a quiet little moan, pecking a trail up his sharp jaw, all the way to his ear. “I want to know what makes you tick, what makes you crazy.”

“You make me fucking crazy.” He lays you down then, right on the piano bench, kissing down your throat, your back arches, his hands slipping up your sweater. “You turn me on by suturing a spleen somehow.”

You giggle, breathless, he hovers over you, soft white hair falling just so, you brush it back as his swirling blue storms drink you in. “You’d turn me on more if I got to see you decannulate a heart.”

Satoru smirks, shaking his head. “You were a bad girl, maybe that will teach you, hmm?”

“Maybe it will. Maybe I need more lessons-ah!” Satoru snatches you up then, your legs are around his narrow hips, arms wrapping his neck, his hands gripping your ass over denim as he carries you through his stunning house, directly into his bedroom, spotless aside from rumpled sheets, he lays you down then, you hastily pull your top off, as he works your jeans.

He’s wiggling them down off your hips, leaving you in your bra and panties, you yank off his shirt, revealing his chiseled frame, the one that makes your pussy clench around nothing. Just looking at his hard body, when he’s down to just his black boxers, laying over you and yanking you by your hips, his hands press into your pelvis as his lips kiss down your tummy.

Satoru’s lapping at the lacy fabric covering your cunt now, tongue slathering the thin material, as he looks up at you, so sexy you can’t really explain, you can’t explain what it’s like to have Satoru Gojo between your thighs. He’s open mouth kissing you through your fabric, teasing you, as your wetness drools down, making your panties sticky and dewy.

“Please, Satoru…” He is looking up at you under his snowy lashes, lips turning up at one corner, toying with your panties now, a finger just barely brushing, your hips jerk, soaking him from a touch.

“Please what, baby?” Satoru asks, feigning innocence.

“Please take them off.” Your voice is hoarse, he kisses back up your tummy, now lavishing your nipples over the lace, your fingers grip his strong shoulders, head falling back in pleasure. “Take that off too.”

“So slutty for me, aren’t you? Desperate, whiny, almost pathetic for me, but not quite enough.” His words fuck you mentally then, you’re sputtering, trying to think of a damn thing to say when he’s biting your nipples over the lace.

“Please! Off, please, please off.” Soft cries echo in his quiet room, Satoru smirks then, leaning on one arm over you, the other rubbing your clit over your panties in little circles. “Satoru t-take em off.”

“Are you going to be a good girl for me?” He cooes, smacking your pussy then, you yelp at it, making you ache, you go to slide them off and he grabs your wrists with one big hand.

“I’ll be good, I’ll be good Satoru. Please.” You look up at him, tears of frustration in your eyes, he moans then, kissing you, slowly unsnapping your bra, tossing it on the floor, staring at your pretty titties hungrily.

“Look at you, fuck.” You’re pulling at him desperately, tugging him closer, until he’s got a thigh between yours, and you’re grinding your cunt on him. “So desperate you’ll hump my thigh?”

“Shh.” Is all you manage, cheeks flushed as you rub up and down, he’s kissing you, chuckling like the cocky asshole he is. “Need you, please.”

He pauses then at your words, leaning up and looking down at you, his expression going feral then, pupils shrunk to pinpoints. “Need me?”

“Need you now.” He groans, finally taking your panties off, but he rips the delicate fabric, shocking you as he reduces it to scraps.

You would complain about the expensive underwear, but he’s bent his head down between your thighs, diving his tongue deep into your tight little hole, spreading your lips wide as he drinks you. His hot wet muscle is fucking your walls, which convulse around it, his nose bumping your engorged clit, you’re jerking, hips rising up, his hands bruising your hips.

“Oh my God, oh my- ah!” Satoru moans against you, watching your every move, each way your body moves, pulling back and slipping two long fingers in you, crooking up just so. “F-fuck!”

“Your anatomy, it’s so perfect, so easy for me.” He whispers, lapping the tip of his tongue against your clit while his fingers curl, your juices flowing down his fingers, loud and sloppy in the room. “That’s it, you’re close aren’t you?”

You nod weakly, Satoru looks at you then, and you’re lost in him, how can he look at you that intensely, like you’re the only one he’s ever looked at. Your nails press into his shoulders when he works you so well, with his tongue, with his fingers, pressing you over and over the edge until you're falling.

You see white hot stars burst behind your eyes as your orgasm wrecks you, to the point you’re drooling while Satoru’s sucking and humming on your clit, body coated in a thin sheen of sweat when he leans up, kissing your tummy. You’re literally jerking as he exhales over your skin, sobbing out at how good every inch of you feels, he’s trailing fingertips up between your breasts, to your nipples.

“T-Toru…” You’re breathless when he’s leaning over you, hand under your chin, gripping it tightly.

“Toru?” His voice is soft, as he kisses your lower lip, teeth indentations from you biting it. “You’re so fucking beautiful.”

“You’re messing my head up, don’t say things like that.” Your voice is hoarse and weak, he frowns then just a bit, eyes assessing your every feature.

“I don’t say things I don’t mean. Let me call you beautiful.” You blink back emotions when you try to gather yourself, he kisses your lips, taking you over now, you taste your honeyed arousal all over his plump lips. “You are.”

“Bet you say it to all the girls.” You tease softly, he shakes his head, leaning back up and tracing your face with his thumb.

“No, I use terms like hot, or pretty, or cute. Beautiful applies to my very annoying little intern in my bed.” You melt fully for him, dragging him down, sighing at how good he feels as you arch your hips.

“Thank you, Satoru.”

“There, was it so hard?”

“It is pretty hard.” You reach down, stroking his length then, he sucks in a breath, pink tingeing his cheeks when you slide down his boxers over his firm ass, hands gripping it as you grin. “You have a bubble butt, Toru.”

“A what now?” He glares, but it doesn’t last long, not when you’re stroking his length from the base to the tip, rolling his pearly precum along the slit, sliding it up to your mouth, kitten licking it. “Fuck.”

At that he’s got your thigh up high, filling you with his cock in one stroke, you scream out, the last two times you all had played, you stayed moderately quiet, but you were all alone, and your cries are echoing in the room as he thrusts his cock in deeper. In just a couple thrusts, he’s shoved all his inches in you, and fuck there are so many, you’re pulsing around his length, whimpering.

“Fucking feel her, gripping me s’tight…” He’s huffing, pulling back, shoving his cock to the hilt, tip smashing your cervix, you’re convulsing around him, cunt drooling all the way down until it’s pooling down your ass, down to the blankets. “Hear your slutty pussy huh?”

“Mmhmm!” Your brain is fucked right along with your body while he pumps his cock inside you, stretching you so deliciously, skin burning now, you’re clinging to him when he flips you suddenly, taking your breath away.

He pulls your hips up, smacking your ass, you gasp at the sensation, when he’s inching back inside you. “Look at you, gonna leave handprints all over your pretty little ass.”

“Please.” Is all you manage, he moans, smacking each cheek again, you’ve never done anything like this, but you’re cumming when he shoves in fully, rolling his hips just so, his drooly tip pressing on your cervix. Your eyes roll back as he smacks your ass again, the stinging making you wetter.

“That’s it, feel you tryna milk me.” Satoru is so fucked out right with you, viewing your ass covered in his hand prints now, he takes your hand, putting one behind your back, gripping your delicate wrist. “This okay?”

“Y-yes, god yes.” You’re moaning into the pillows when he shoves both of  your arms behind your back, big hand holding them, fucking into you harder, each movement making your ass jiggle. “Ah!”

Satoru groans, feeling you pulsate around him, you’ve never been fucked so good, even the first time by him he was just a little easy on you, you almost think you can’t take it but you’re arching your ass back for more. You earn his satisfied groan as he slams into you over and over, grip on your wrists binding you to him, the feeling of him taking you over so addictive.

“Know how crazy y-you drive me, in those little s-scrubs?” He’s stuttering, his rhythm faltering as he lets your hands go, gripping your hips instead, thumbs pressing into the dimples at your back. Your fingers are gripping the satin black sheets of his bed, whining pathetically, shaking your head. “No, ya don’t know, hmm?”

He yanks you up by your hair now, the pull painful but just making your pussy so wet, Satoru in two times has somehow figured out your entire body, things you have never tried or would ever think. You’re cumming on his cock when he’s bending over you, chest against your back, dripping sweat as he works you so good, cock wrecking every sweet spot you have.

“Drive me fucking insane.” His voice is in your ear now, he’s completely bent over you, back bowed, using the hair by the nape of your neck to turn your head toward him, and how he looks at you then?

You’re so fucked.

You desperately kiss him when he slows inside of you, feeling the aftershocks of your orgasm squeezing him relentlessly. You whine into his mouth, he drinks them up, pulling back and then pressing you down on your tummy, prone over you. You’ve never done it like this, the intimacy overtakes you, his fingers entwining with one of your hands as his other braces himself on the bed.

“I’ve w-wanted you since… I first saw you.” You’re blinking back tears, hiccuping when his tip drags on that spongy spot in your gooey walls.

“Wh-what?” You whisper, confusion addling your fucked out brain, he moans then, kissing you deeply, drool falling down between your lips as your body tenses, feeling him thicken in you now.

“Since I saw you, I didn't know you’d feel this good, gripping me like that.” You’re whimpering, mumbling, mouth wide open in a slutty O, as Satoru fucks you so slow, hand wrapped around your throat under your chin, thumb pressing on your pulse point, feeling it flutter. “You’re never fucking anyone else.”

“Y-you’re stupid.” You grumble, earning his chuckle, his white grin and insane blue eyes, taking on some psychotic look he seems to get when he’s close, you can hardly stand to look, eyes fluttering shut.

“Stupid, huh? You know you won’t ever… fuck feel you… ever…” He’s burying his head against the crook of your neck now, squeezing your throat as he starts slamming into you so deep, you feel him in your tummy, feel him everywhere. “Ever be with anyone.”

How can he talk like that?

How can he say shit like that?

You know he doesn’t mean it.

“D-don’t fuck up my head, please. C-can’t handle it. Hurts too much.” He pauses then, his movements halted.

“Open your eyes.” You do as he commands, it’s so easy to follow his every word. “It’ll only be me inside you, got it?”

“Why?”

“Why?” He laughs then, shaking his head, hips jerking just so, thrusting his cock to the hilt as one arm wraps around you, dragging you down his length. “I want you to myself, all to myself.”

You want to say yes, but you pause, lips parting as you struggle to keep eye contact. “M’not gonna f-fuck anyone else.”

“Just me.”

“Just you.” You whisper, and he moans now, moving again, you see the veins of his forearms bulging as he presses against the bed, fucking you once more.

“Gonna fill you up s’good, gonna drip me at work tomorrow.”

“You’re c-crazy- mnh! Cumming!” You’re gasping, head falling back against his strong chest as his tip presses your cervix, then you shatter, feeling his hot gooey cum coating your walls, filling you so much he’s pulsing. You’re both whimpering then, mumbling, kissing each other sloppy.

“F-fuck, perfect pussy, takin’ me so well.” He’s pushing his cum further and further inside you, cock coated in your slick and his white ropes, which are getting pushed out by your muscles as you’re riding out your climax. “Oh my god…”

“Oh my god…” You both say at the same time, he exhales then, breath tickling the nape of your neck, pecking kisses along your shoulder blades.

It’s perfect, too perfect.

And you know it then, what you don’t want to be true.

You’re falling in love with him.

With Doctor Gojo, with Doctor Hojo, with Satoru. Your boss, your mentor, your very new boyfriend you’ve slept with twice. There’s no other explanation for the way his kisses make tears fall from your eyes then, for the way your heart clutches in your chest, as you think to yourself…

This will hurt you.

“Are you okay baby? Too rough? You’re tiny down there… Did I get carried away?” Satoru leaned up, easing out of you and turning you then, concern written all over his beautiful features.

And he’s caring?

He’s perfect aside from…

What future could you have, getting kicked out after a couple nights here and there, no engagement or wedding ever, just a situationship and a perpetual girlfriend? You never wanted that to be your future, but right now you can’t even focus on it, you’re too sucked into his gravity, into the way he’s looking at you, holding you like you’re so precious.

 “No it was perfect, I’m sorry.” You take several breaths, and he watches your face, the tears trailing down your cheeks, clenching his heart.

“Don’t apologize, what is it?” You shake your head, he can tell you’re holding in something, his mind is still reeling from you, from how good you feel, from how beautiful you look, from the intensity of being inside of you. His hands trail down the nip of your waist, the jut of your hips carefully.

“I feel too much too fast.” Your words hit him like a punch to the gut. He doesn’t want to disappoint you, he doesn’t wanna drag you down when you’re so bright and perfect. But to know you feel things like he does, like he has since he first met you?

“What’s wrong with feeling things, intern?” He asks carefully, you sniffle then, while he brushes tears from the apple of your cheek.

“Scary how much I do. It’s overwhelming. I swear I’m not such a crybaby.” He brushed his hand against your cheek again, feeling the softness of your skin under his touch, wondering what goes on in that brain of yours.

“You think I’m not feeling things?” He asks, and you sigh, shaking your head then and burying your face against his chest. “You don’t know me yet, though, what if you don’t like what you find out?” He asks, so vulnerable then it breaks your heart, you lean up on an elbow, cupping his face.

“I want to know you, good or bad. Don’t hold back with me.” His jaw tenses under your delicate touch, you watch him gulp, opening his lips then closing them. “One thing at a time, though.”

“One thing at a time.” He kisses across your forehead gently. “Want a shower, pretty?”

“Yes please. You also owe me cocoa.” He stands up off the bed up then, picking you up in his arms bridal style, you giggle, clinging to him.

“Hot shower then hot cocoa.” He carries you into his bathroom, which is even more lavish than you can imagine, it’s huge with an insane tile and glass shower, bigger than your entire bathroom and then some.

“Holy shit.” You murmur, he sits you down then, heading over to start the hot water, which starts steaming in the bathroom, smiling at you and cupping your face with both hands, pressing you into the sink just a bit as he kisses you again.

“I’ll get towels.” You smile, turning and looking in the mirror, seeing your bright eyes and flushed cheeks, the marks on your throat and chest from Satoru’s fingers and teeth, your lips swollen from his kisses. Your eyes catch all of the orange prescription bottles decorating the sink, then.

It’s not your place to care what he takes, but your eyes dart on multiple anxiety medications, with pretty high doses. Xanax, you narrow your eyes just a bit, it’s 2 mg bars three times a day, next to them are Klonopin, 1 mg two times a day, two benzos you have never seen mixed. He has several other things, Ambien to sleep, 12.5mg at night, and Aderrall, 20 mg twice a day.

It’s a whole fucking cocktail, you don’t even know how he functions and with so much energy, he should be some drooling zombie with this. You touch them tentatively, there’s Zoloft as well, though of course that is something you’re on, but the mix of everything is too much. It’s as if he has something to wake up, to keep himself blissful all day, then something to sleep.

He walks back in with two fluffy towels, you back up, smiling up at him, he brings you against him, naked bodies pressed against each other, kissing you over and over, his lips devouring yours. You have never even seen Satoru have dilated eyes, you think then, did he not take these? Were they just… there?

It’s not your business, right?

“Ready for a shower? I’ll wash your hair and everything. I bet I have way better shampoo than you.” He teases with a big grin.

Satoru Gojo, the happiest dude you’ve ever met, needs a million medications to be that way. What darkness lies behind his blinding grin? You want to know him, all of him, all the facets that compose of him, of the man that you’ve fallen for so quickly, head over fucking heels.

Satoru knows you saw it, but you smile sweetly at him, not mentioning anything, not immediately judging him or saying something. You just lean up on your tiptoes, kissing him softly, he wraps his arms around your bare body, which feels perfect in his embrace, better than any drug could ever make him feel.

There’s not one time of the day or night he’s not on something to function, to alleviate the way his brain runs constantly, to try to keep it calm while also making it run. His own cocktail of perfection, he’s found it, and he knows you saw it, he can feel what you’re holding back, maybe you’re too enamored, as he is.

You’re both under the hot spray when he’s running his hands in your damp hair, lathering it up, it feels too good with you, he wonders how long until he fucks up, how long until you decide you could do better. He’s wanted you since before he officially met you, since he chose you to be his intern based off of stats and scores alone, so curious who this brilliant girl was.

Brilliant, beautiful, sweet.

He didn’t expect to feel this much, for the first time ever. Having had the arranged marriage so young with Utahime, he never got to feel, to be. And when he was done, Satoru has since slept with hundreds of women, easily, mind numbing sex with girls he couldn’t remember their damn name, but nothing has ever come close to how you feel wrapped around him.

You’re addictive, aren’t you? But you don’t seem to know, when you turn and slip your hands up his body, eyes drinking every bit of him in slowly, he gasps when you get on your knees, thinking he must be in some ambien wet dream of you. Your blunt nails press against his slick thighs, as your eyes look up at him and break him, your tongue lapping at his tip.

“Fuck…” He moans, as you look up at him, sucking him deeper into your throat, watching his every reaction, how his muscles flex and tense under your touch, feeling his cock hit your throat, then he shocks you, picking you up right against the tile of the shower wall. “Need you again, baby.”

“I need you again.” You whisper, gasping when he sinks inside of you, and that night you never get hot cocoa, you two can’t stop fucking each other, licking each other, devouring each other. It’s heady and insane.

Satoru is addictive, you’re sure he knows this too.

*****

The next day

“Rough night, babes?” Maki asks, as you wince, lifting off your shirt and throwing on your scrub top. “Holy fuck, hickies!”

“Shush!” You cover her mouth with your hand, she’s laughing against it, lifting your top back up.

“Damn, is he a vampire or some shit?”

“He thinks so.”

“So that’s why you weren’t home last night.” She says, as Toge walks in, glaring at you again. You sigh, walking up to him, sitting on the bench, holding your hand to tug him to sit next to you.

“Toge, I need you to be my friend, stop being so mad at me?” You say softly, he sighs then, looking at you with violet eyes.

“Serious?” He asks, you blink then.

“Serious about Gojo?” He nods. “Yes, I think I am, but it’s only as serious as he’ll get.”

“Not good enough.” Toge says, standing then and leaving, you cover your face and grimace, as Maki sits next to you, hand on your back.

“He just wants what’s best for you. The whole no marriage thing? Kind of opposite of your old fashioned ass. Plus… do we know how serious he is?”

You look at her then. “Thought you wanted me to go for it?”

“I do, but getting head over heels so fast, you worry me. You… babe you have a shit track record with men. Not just Mahito, remember Naoya?”

“Oh fuck don’t remind me. But Gojo is nothing like them.” She hums to herself a bit.

“True, he’s nothing like those two, but you suck at picking men, so be careful is all. I’m not saying get with Toge, I know you’re just friends, but he has a point.” Your mind goes to what you saw that night, what you don’t know just yet. “I’m not trying to kill your buzz, if you’re happy, I’m happy.”

“I love you.” You hug her tightly, when Satoru walks in, Toge and Yuta behind him, he smirks as he takes in your exhausted state, but Satoru looks fresh and bright, like you both hadn’t fucked all night.

“Morning, interns. Come on now, hop to it.” You yawn as you all line up behind him in the halls, he looks at you with a sadistic ass grin. “You tired, intern? Did you get no sleep?”

You just glare at him, Maki is snickering, Yuta is rolling his eyes, Toge is glaring at Satoru. “No sleep unfortunately, but I’ll go get lots of coffee.”

“That works. Maki, Yuta, you’re on Pit duty. Toge, you’re scrubbing in with me for surgery today.” Toge brightens up then. “And you, missy, you’re getting coffee, stat.”

“On it.” You walk by him, Satoru leans close against your ear, his hand just barely brushing your arm.

“Don’t slack on me intern, I won’t take it easy on you in bed or at work.” You scowl now, earning his laughter as you turn away, flicking him off before darting to the cafeteria.

Your pussy is throbbing, your body is sore like you worked out or something, arms like gelatin, and your eyes are trying to close on you. How the fuck even with Adderral can Satoru be that energetic? You try to not let Maki and Toge’s words get you, but you’re distracted when you’re getting coffee, and Suguru is there, saying your name and smiling at you.

“Rough night?” He asks.

“Do I look that bad!?” You peek at one of the windows to gauge your reflection.

“You’re still lovely, but your eye bags are rivalling Shoko’s.”

“Ugh but she can pull them off! Yes, a long night.”

“Uh huh.” You look at him then, as you both walk and sip on your hot cups of coffee.

“You’re Satoru’s best friend, right?”

“I am. He’s annoying as shit though.” You snort at that, he grabs two muffins, handing you one then. “You should eat after a fuck marathon.”

“Oh gosh, Suguru really!” You nibble the muffin though, chewing thoughtfully as you both walk out of the cafeteria and towards the elevators, he presses the buttons, leaving you both alone then. “How is he so energetic?”

Suguru frowns then, looking at his cup, his dark brows lowering over his eyes. “Satoru’s always been pretty annoyingly perky.”

“Yeah, I guess, but he got no sleep.”

“If you’re asking me something personal about him, he’s my best friend and I won’t share things like that. You’ll find out more in time if you’re serious.” You nod, biting your lip, eyes catching his dark violet ones.

“I get it, I don’t mean to pry. There’s a lot we have to learn, but… I already feel so much for him.”

Suguru smiles softly then. “That’s good, because he’s been borderline obsessed since you got here.”

“What!? No way. He’s a Hojo.”

Suguru chuckles once more, the sound warm and inviting, you just feel so comfortable with him all the time. He’s very much like Satoru in that way. “He is indeed a ‘Hojo’. But I’m glad maybe he’ll get someone good for him. He needs that.”

“Hmm. Mysterious, Suguru.”

“I have to keep a certain allure.” Suguru and you both step out now, he tilts his head to you. “So you know, wicked hickey your makeup isn’t covering.”

“Oh god!” He’s left you now with that information, you quickly shove your hair over your neck, as you see Satoru now, who jacks the rest of your muffin and chews on it.

“Tastes yummy.” He says, looking down at your body then.

“I have a hickey that’s not covered all the way!” You whisper.

“Multiple.”

“How are you so perky, hmm?” He blinks a bit then, tilting his head.

“I feel like you kind of know that answer, yeah?” You shake your head. “No clue at all?”

“Suguru says you’re annoyingly perky and hyper.”

“Hmm.”

You don’t want to ruin this, to burst this bubble of happiness, when you just don’t know anything yet, so you try to stop thinking of it, as he walks you further and further across the hospital.

“So, remember what I said yesterday?”

“Are you serious?” You ask later, as you’re standing next to the maternity ward, and Satoru places his hands on your shoulders.

“Give me a week with babies, tell me how you feel.”

“I don’t like you.”

“Mmm, well I really like you.” He tilts your chin up as Shoko comes, smiling at you.

“Ready to learn more than you will with this idiot?” She asks.

“Excuse me!?”

“Ready.” You agree, sticking your tongue out at Satoru.

“You’re both mean, mean women.” Before he leaves he captures your hand in his, kissing you so quick in the nearly empty hall.

“I’ll love it.” You assure him, a challenging look in your eyes.

“We’ll see. You should get sleep tonight by the way, your dark circles-”

“Fuck you, Satoru.” You can practically feel his stupid smirk and blue eyes burning a hole through your back.

“Pissed him off huh? He’s so petty. I hope you’ll love this though.” Shoko says later on, you smile at her.

“No I will love it, I’m eager to learn.”

The maternity ward, huh? You are eager to learn from her, you know she is the best in her field, and something else you want to figure out?

The mystery that is Dr. Gojo.Just who was the man you’re falling for?

A/N- this is OBVIOUSLY heavily inspired by Grey's lol! There is def some angst going on in the future, as hard as reader is falling Satoru and her have some INSANE differences, along with the overall exhaustion of being doctors and some issues they'll both have. I hope you enjoyed the long chap, sorry this one took a few weeks! can't wait to hear what you all think!

If you'd like to be added to the taglist please lmk

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[margeoww]

Hiii, could you maybe write a Toto Wolff fic, where he’s super busy with work and stuff and forgets their anniversary or the reader’s birthday and she is like so close to leaving him, but he like can’t live without her and promises to be better?? Like very angstyyyy but with a happy ending. <333

The Time We Almost Lost

back to my main masterlist

pairing: toto wolff x fem!reader

summary: when Toto Wolff forgets one of the most important days in your relationship, his world begins to crumble as you decide you can’t keep being an afterthought.

warnings: Angst with happy ending!!

a/n: sorry for making this so short 💔

The silence in your shared home had become suffocating, its weight pressing down on you with every passing second. Once, this space had been alive, a sanctuary of shared laughter, quiet moments of intimacy, and conversations that stretched long into the night. Now, it was a hollow reminder of everything that had changed.

Your birthday had come and gone, unacknowledged by the man who once made it his mission to make every moment feel special. The once-vivid memories of his handwritten notes, surprise dinners, and whispered promises had faded into a distant ache. The untouched cake sat on the counter, mocking you with its cheerfulness, its candles still perfectly intact, waiting for a celebration that never came.

You had told yourself you wouldn’t cry. But as you sat alone, your hands clasped tightly around a glass of wine, the dam broke. Silent tears fell, their warmth streaking your cheeks as you stared into the empty room. How had you let it get this far? How had you become invisible in the eyes of the man you loved?

When Toto finally came home, it was well past midnight. You heard the soft jingle of his keys, the door creaking open, and the familiar rhythm of his footsteps in the hallway. A pang of anger shot through you, sharper than the sadness you’d been nursing all night.

He hesitated at the doorway to the bedroom, his tall frame silhouetted by the dim light from the hall. —Liebe? —he called softly, his voice laced with exhaustion.

You sat on the edge of the bed, your robe wrapped tightly around you, the charm bracelet you’d bought yourself resting in your palm. The anger you felt earlier was a simmer now, dull but present.

—I came home as soon as I could. —he started, his tone cautious as if he already sensed the storm brewing. —I know I’ve been…

—Busy? —you interrupted, the bitterness in your voice slicing through the air. You stood, fixing him with a glare that made him stop in his tracks. —Go on. Tell me how you’ve been busy.

Toto sighed, running a hand through his dark hair. —You know how much is going on with the team right now. I don’t want to make excuses, but…

—Then don’t. —you snapped, cutting him off again. —Because I’m tired of hearing excuses, Toto. I’ve been patient. I’ve tried to understand, but last night… Do you even realize what yesterday was?

He stared at you, confusion clouding his features. And then it hit him. His eyes widened, and his shoulders slumped as he whispered. —Scheisse.

Your chest tightened at the confirmation. —That’s it? Scheisse? —You let out a bitter laugh, shaking your head. —You forgot my birthday, Toto. You didn’t call, didn’t text, didn’t even notice when I didn’t say a word all day. Do you even care anymore? Or am I just… someone who happens to live here?

His face crumpled at your words, guilt etched into every line of his features. —Of course, I care. You’re everything to me.

—Am I? —you challenged, your voice trembling. —Because it doesn’t feel like it. I’ve been putting in all the effort, waiting for you to remember I exist, hoping for scraps of your time. But I can’t do it anymore, Toto. I can’t keep feeling this invisible.

He stepped closer, his hands outstretched as if reaching for you would keep you from slipping away. —Please, don’t say that. I know I’ve let you down, but I…

—You’ve let me down for months. —you interrupted, your voice cracking. —This isn’t just about last night. It’s about every night I’ve spent eating dinner alone, every morning I’ve woken up to an empty bed, and every time I’ve wondered if I’m even a priority in your life anymore.

His throat bobbed as he swallowed hard, his usually composed demeanor cracking under the weight of your words. —You are a priority. —he said, his voice breaking. —I’ve been so caught up in work, in trying to keep everything together, that I didn’t see what it was doing to us. To you. But I see it now. And I’ll do whatever it takes to make this right.

You folded your arms across your chest, trying to hold yourself together. —Words aren’t enough, Toto. I’ve heard them before, but nothing ever changes. I need more than promises. I need you to prove that I matter to you.

He nodded, his jaw tightening with determination. —I will. I’ll do whatever it takes. Just… don’t leave me.

The vulnerability in his voice, the raw emotion in his eyes, shook you to your core. You wanted to believe him, wanted to trust that this time would be different. But the wounds he had left weren’t easily healed.

—You’re asking for something I’m not sure I can give. —you whispered. —You’ve broken my heart, Toto. And I don’t know if I can keep putting the pieces back together on my own.

His hands trembled as he reached for yours, his touch tentative. —Then let me help you. Let me be the man you deserve. I know I’ve failed you, but I’ll spend every day proving that you’re the most important part of my life. Just… don’t give up on us.

The silence stretched between you, heavy with unspoken fears and fragile hopes. Finally, you let out a shaky breath, your tears spilling over as you whispered, —I don’t want to give up on us. But I can’t do this alone, Toto.

He pulled you into his arms, holding you as if you might disappear. —You won’t have to. —he murmured. —I promise, you won’t have to.

[sh1nch1r0]

𝕭𝖆𝖇𝖞

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Shinchiro x Reader

Part (2/2)

After u told him u were pregnant Shin immediately goes into Dad Mode,hes also very protective of you and watches every step that u do around the house….both of u can’t wait to meet ur baby

Tw:Child birth,Complications,Angst,Many Pregnancy and Medical Terms,Birth,Shinchiro beeing a Dad😭🥹

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U heard Shins car pulling into the driveway of ur home as u were sitting on the couch reading a Parenting Book that he had bought a couple of weeks ago.It was so sweet watching him go into Dad Mode,he not only buys parenting books,he also read that if u hold up the Belly of a pregnant person that it reliefs their back cause Babys can get heavy.He did that ever time u cooked or bushed ur teeth cause then he could feel ur tense and exhausted body relaxing against his own.

4 Months have passed since u told him and ur belly grew bigger and heavier by the day,u also had less energy and swollen feet that hurt and cramped a lot so on some days u could barely get up from ur shared bed or the Couch.And unfortunately today was one of these Days.

The Door unlocked and u heard Shins voice in the Hall shouting ur Name and that he was home.He expected u to run into his arms but as u didn’t he was concerned,he finished putting of his shoes and getting into his comfy house slippers.He then rushed into the Living Room where u were.

“Hey Honey how was work?” u asked and sat up a bit straighter,only to be met with not only back pain but also a cramp in your leg which made u hiss in pain.

“Is everything alright?” he asks concerned and sits at the end of the couch.

“My feet are killing me and my back to…” u whine and u lay ur head down on the arm rest.Beeing Pregnant was not easy you knew that but being that exhausted and in pain all the time was blowing ur expectations.

“Can i help i any way Love” your Husband asks and leans forward to put a hand on your Belly.

“No but thanks,i did not make dinner today or i couldn’t make any cause i am trapped on this couch” Shin could hear the disappointment in ur Voice,he knew that u thought it was ur duty to clean and cook and do house work cause he was Working his ass of to pay the bills.Never in a million years would he expect anything from you he lived alone before and hey he was still living and thriving he knew how to handle a household on his own.

“Honey i will make us dinner,and please dont feel guilty for not doing anything cause u are already doing so much for me”he says and presses a kiss against ur forehead.

“What am i doing for your right now?” u ask him cause the only thing u did today or since u were on maternity leave was getting dressed,making breakfast when u could and sitting around till ur pain was better and that was never ur were always in pain the last two months.

“U are growing a Human from scratch that is what ur doing Love,u don’t need to do anything around here i will do it okay.U should rest and relax”he says with a serious look on his face.

“But i am your wife i should help my husband out,i mean u pay for everything”you say and look at him with a sad and disappointed expression.

“U are my Wife.Not my mum.My mom cooked for me washed my clothes and stuff okay.And u are my Wife u are the love of my life for gods sake u should not feel forced to do stuff like that i can do it myself,if u want to do these things fine but never do it cause u should as a Wife” this man will be the death of u he was so understanding and sweet all the time that you would marry him again any day.

U gave him a thankful look and he was off to change before he cooked both of u dinner.

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U tought the Days were the worst part and that everything will be better at night u were so wrong.Not only did ur body hurt like shit ur Baby also kicked u every chance he or she got.It hurt but it was also a sign that there was a life growing inside of you but this life could also be a little bit gentle with the person that was living on the outside you tought.

And so u were awake at 3 in the Morning kicking the cover off of u cause u were too hot and the other moment to cold.And to not wake up Shin who had to get up earlier than he usually does cause Mikeys Racing Team needed new bikes and stuff u wandered off into the nursery.

It was painted in neutral colours cause u did not know the gender yet the crib was built and the Chainging table and a Rocking Chair.U smiled at the thought of Ur Husband brining home this Chair u had voiced to him that u wanted a rocking Chair in the Nursery to read Books to ur baby and he got u a beautiful one with a pattern that matches the colours.

In the next weeks both of u would find out the gender of the Baby both of u did bot care about the gender of the baby “at least our Baby is healthy and happy” Shin always said when u asked him if he wanted a Girl or a Boy.But u knew that Shinchiro wanted a Girl just like Draken and Emma.

Emma had told u that she thinks that its a Girl cause “girls steal away their mother beauty” .Which u could not believe cause Emma was Glowing her entire pregnancy and she gave birth to a Girl.But u lost ur glow the past few months which made u a bit self conscious and sad.But ur Sister in Law always reminded u that u were Beautiful and Perfect and that there was a Baby growing under ur heart and that ur Body was working overtime.She also said that the “Pregnancy Glow” faded away after the 4th Month and that some Women just not have it or they experience it at the end of their Journey.

“Just imagine Me ur Dad and you sitting here playing something with you or reading…” u whisper to ur belly and the baby kicked u as if it could understand you.

“I see you agree my little one..” u say and put a hand on your belly and u felt another kick.The kicks always reminded u of the Moment when ur Husband felt the first kick of ur child.

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The Evening was hot and it started to rain when u and ur lover sat down at the couch he was sitting behind u and held ur belly gently.The feeling of his body against urs was a familiar one and one that made ur soul feel at home.

U both just sat there in peace the only sound was ur synchrone Breathing and the Rain from outside.But then u felt a sudden kick it was a light one but u felt it.

« Did u feel that too » he whispers from behind you.

« Yes our baby kicked me »u whisper back.

« Wow….nature is truly a miracle hmm » he humms and kisses ur hairline.

« Thank you Love » he whispers after a bit of silence.

« For what » u ask.

« For giving me the Chance to be a father and have a family,i am so grateful for you i love u »he says and pulls u closer against his chest.

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This was one of the best moments in ur pregnancy so far,u smile to yourself and rub ur belly gently.

„Is the little one keeping u up?“ a deep and sleepy voice asked u and u turned around.

The darkness of ur home revealed ur lover who looked so done with life and sleepy.

„Yes she keeps kicking me“u say.

„She?…do you know something i dont know“he asks with his arms crossed.

„No but i think its a girl…..something in me says its a girl“u say and get closer to him.

„I mean i have nothing against that if its a boy i wouldn’t be disappointed the only thing that matters is that they are healthy“ he pulls u closer to him and kisses ur lips gently.

„Lets get u back to bed okay?“he says sleepily and u agree.

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Back in bed the kicking started again and u were awake another time.

„Hey my little one in there“ Shin whisper to your belly as he notices ur discomfort.

„Ur mom out here is trying her best to grow you, could you please let her sleep“ he continues,and to ur surprise the kicking stops.U moth to him „it works keep going“ and so he does.

„So when u are older one day,Daddy will take u for a ride on his bike and ohh…one day u will have a bike of ur own i have a good one in mind but u can of course choose one yourself love.“a kiss was pressed against ur belly and with Shinchiros voice and the relief ur body experienced now u fell asleep quickly.

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Those five months passed quickly,and things got better ur backpain was not that strong and ur feet were quiet normal.And to ur and Shins luck both of u found out that u are having a little baby girl.

As both of u found out Shin cried happy tears and u did too.And after that nothing could bring the smile from shins face his wife was having a little girl and he will be a girl dad soon.

Both of u decorated the Nursery in different shades of pink to make it look girly,and everything seemed perfect but that exact evening u noticed that ur Backpain was worsening and that u had several abodem pain……

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It was normal ur midwife had told u ur Body was prepping for Birth and u had something called Braxton Hicks which were false contractions that prepped ur body for the extreme pain of labour.But as the days go by ur false contractions seemed to get worse.They came in 1 to 2 hours and they were so painful that u either need to grab on the nearest thing for support or sit down.

„Love,i know its just these false contractions but please lets go to the gynaecologist and let him check if everythings okay“ ur Husband suggested as u were holding onto him for support as u breathed trough a contraction.

„Okay but he will tell u the same thing as the midwife“u tought.

But ur doctor told u that u were indeed in real labour and that u had to be rushed to the hospital.

It was a shock for both of u cause the baby then would be one and a half weeks early which was not good cause the babys development was not fully completed before the 40th week of pregnancy.

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The Sky was foggy and a Storm was building up outside of the Hospital windows.

U were placed in the maternity ward and the doctors did their best to delay the birth cause the risk of ur baby having complications or u having complications while birth were a bit too high to risk.

U felt like u were going insane in this room u hated hospitals,the smell and the vibe were uncomfortable to you.

But ur Room was a bit more colourful and it had a light that was not too bright and the light color was warmer but it still felt like a hospital.

U were placed on an IC with Tocolytics this medication could delay birth and it seemed to be working well.Cause ur abodem pain reduced a bit.And ur Baby girl she was still kicking u but u could not complain cause u were afraid if she did not she may be dead.It hurt but u at least had a sign that she was okay and alive.

And ur Husband he was glued to you he stayed at the hospital with you he was with u the whole two days u were now here,u begged him to go home to shower and get a bit of comfortable sleep but he refused.In the end both of u agreed that one night but only one night he will sleep at home but in that time Emma and Draken will stay with u for a bit so u agreed.

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As she saw you Emma was in tears u looked stressed and tired ur hair was greasy and a mess and the Robe they gave u was very uncomfortable.

So she proposed the idea that she will wash ur hair and help you get dressed while Draken was bringing theier Child to Mikey and his Girlfriend.

And after a proper hairwash and after u changed into leggins and a Shirt from ur Husband u felt a bit more human and a bit more like yourself.

Emma tried to get u away from ur worries.

„Her Birthday was really nice but her amazing aunt was missing“she told u about ur Nieces Birthday,that u sadly missed cause u were already a day in the hospital and u could not leave.

„I am so sorry Emma“ u whisper.

„Heyy no need to be sorry we are talking about ur Babys and ur Life and Health here she will always be your niece and you will always be her aunt“she coos and lays her hand over yours.

„Shin visited us in the late afternoon,he told us about u and that he needed to go back to you before you wake up.“ she tells u.

„He really Loves u dear,i have never seen my half brother so happy“ her smile was soft and her hand was now holding yours.

„Emma i am scared shitless“ u confess and Emma gave u a small laugh.

„No need to be,u will get trough this and ur baby will too you know why?“ u chook ur head in response.

„Cause u are her mother and u are a strong woman“ she answeres you and u give her a exhausted smile.

And with that u drift of into a well needed slumber.

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Ur Baby was not breathing as they handed her over to you.Her face was pale and her Body lacked any kind of heat,ur world crashed in that moment.U screamed out of pain,pain cause u lost the one thing u loved as much as ur Husband.It was all too much for ur body and everything around u went dark.

A Hand was placed on your Arm and two familiar eyes looked into yours.

„Are you okay Love“ ur Husband asks as u wake up from ur Nightmare.It was a Nightmare was it if not u would loose ur mind.

„Am i still pregnant,is she still alive….Shin tell me“ u say as u panicked.

„Hey…u had a bad dream yes,and u are still pregnant and our baby is doing well“ he assures you and he shifts from his Chair at ur bedside to the mattress u were laying on.He took ur hand in his and pressed a kiss to every finger of ur Hand.

„We will get trough this baby“he says in a calm tone.And leans against ur frame,u craved his presence so much right now u just wanted him closer to you to just hold you close and kiss u.But the IV made that Impossible.

„Shin please hold me“u say and u were close to tear,u shifted a bit to the right for him to lay beside you.And like that u drifted off into a peaceful slumber.While he was beside you.

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The Birth was now only two days away from ur calculated day and the risk was lower that something happens to you and the baby so they got u off of the medication and now u needed to wait.Till u were ready to finally give birth.And as the Doctors finally confirmed that it was time u were a bit relieved that ur pregnancy will be over and also a bit sad.

The Birth was going without any complications and Shin was there every second he held ur hand and u almost broke it by squeezing it so hard,and even if u did he couldn’t care less.Shin knew that labour was painful and exhausting and he tought he could handle it well.But hearing u scream for ur life did things to his heart that almost broke it into pieces.But as u pushed a final Time and u heard a loud cry.Both of u we’re relieved she was here ur Baby Girl was finally here.U looked up at Shin and you could see the tears in his eyes.

Ur newborn was placed on your bare chest moments after,she was perfect she has black hair like Shin and beautiful eyes like you she was the perfect mix of both of u.

« I am so proud of u,i am so proud of u of both of u,had to go tough so much »Shin says in a quiet tone to not upset the newborn who was slowly drifting into sleep.He strokes over her head gently and kisses the top of urs.

« Shes perfect Shin » u say exhausted.

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Both of u were glad to be home after such nerv wrecking Days.

And Shin was the best dad ever,he fed the baby when you couldn’t,he changed her diapers,rocked and read her to sleep and what u found the cutest were the talks he had with her before bed.

U were fresh out of the Shower when u got down and u saw ur husband standing in ur living room the front to ceiling windows open so the coolness of the rain could go into your too warm home.He stood there and rocked her too sleep.

“Daddy will always protect u,and ur daddy will always be there when u need him and so will ur mommy”he coos to her and gives her a kiss on the forehead.

“And when ur older u can play with ur Cousins,they are very exited too meet u next week”he continues to whisper to the sleeping newborn in his toned arms.

“U have a very loving Family and they all love u very much but ur Mom and i love u way more than them”and with that he notices u standing behind him.U get closer to him and lean ur head against his shoulder and look down at the Human both of u made out of love for each other.

“Thank you” he says quietly and u lean up to kiss him.The sound of the rain calmed all of u down which was all needed.Ur Future was bright with a Family like that and u could not wait for more moments like this to come.

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Thank your for reading this fic.And i think my Browser now thinks i am pregnant 😀😭

❁•❁•❁•❁•❁•❁•❁•❁•❁•❁•❁•❁

[diamonddaze01]

hi tara! if the prompt already hasnt been asked for, can i request 86 "Please just leave." with mingyu? thank you <3333 reading all the drabbles now hahahah

silence, at its loudest

pairing: mingyu x reader | wc: 1.1k prompt: "Please just leave." au: chef!mingyu | warnings: angst! and tears a/n: TIYA HELLO! thank you for this req it was so sad to write but i hope you love <3

The apartment was suffocatingly quiet for a fight. No music playing in the background, no rain against the windows to soften the edges of your words—just silence, heavy and dense, pressing against your chest, making it hard to breathe. Mingyu stood in the center of the living room, his coat still damp from the storm outside, water dripping from the fabric, leaving a faint puddle at his feet. His tall frame seemed out of place here, as if it didn’t belong in this small space, weighed down by the tension between you both.

You were perched on the couch, arms crossed tightly, a defensive shield you knew wouldn’t protect you from the pain of this conversation. You wanted to retreat into the softness of the cushions, to sink away from him, but you couldn’t move. You couldn’t look away, even as your chest tightened and the cold of the room seeped deeper into your skin.

“I don’t even understand what I did wrong!” His voice cracked, frustration and confusion lacing his words. He ran a hand through his damp hair, as if trying to shake the tension out of his mind. “I—I’m here, aren’t I? Why is that never enough for you?”

Your breath hitched, your heart pounding in your throat, but you didn’t back down. You couldn’t. The words you’d been holding back for so long finally broke free, raw and cutting. “It’s not just about you being here, Mingyu. It’s when you decide to show up. You don’t get to keep ignoring me until I’ve hit my limit, then think you can fix everything by standing in my living room and saying you care.”

He took a step forward, but his eyes were desperate, pleading for some sign that you still cared, that there was something left of the person he used to know. “I don’t understand. I’ve been working—working to build something, something for us! And when I’m finally here, you still—”

“You’re always working, Mingyu!” Your voice cracked under the weight of the frustration that had been building for months, maybe longer. “When was the last time you didn’t have your phone on you? When was the last time you didn’t cancel on me because ‘the restaurant’s short-staffed,’ or you just need to finish one last thing?” Your breath came out in short, shaky bursts. “You didn’t even call me back when you knew it was my birthday. That’s what hurts the most.”

The words hit him like a blow, a quick intake of air following the realization. His expression faltered, the first cracks appearing in his armor. “I... I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to—”

“Yeah, you didn’t mean to,” you interrupted, voice soft but heavy with disappointment. “But it keeps happening, Mingyu. You keep doing it. You keep saying it’s not intentional, and then you walk through the door like everything’s fine, like you haven’t been neglecting me for weeks.”

He froze. The tension between you thickened, hanging in the air like smoke that wouldn’t dissipate. “I wasn’t ignoring you, okay? I was just trying to... I thought you’d understand. I thought you’d—”

“No, you didn’t think, Mingyu. You assumed,” you said, bitterness seeping into every syllable. “You assumed I’d be fine with it. You assumed I’d be okay with the empty promises, the unreturned messages, the way you disappear whenever things get hard. But I’m not fine. And I’m so tired of pretending that I am.”

His hands shook as he stepped toward you again, his voice breaking with a softness you hadn’t heard in months. “I’m sorry. I know I screwed up. But I’m here now. Let me make it right. I’ll... I’ll stay. I’ll be here for you. I’ll make things better.”

You shook your head, stepping back, distancing yourself both physically and emotionally. “That’s the problem, Mingyu. You think that just showing up, just being here in front of me, is enough to make everything better. But it’s not. It’s too late for that. I can’t just pretend like everything’s okay when it’s not.”

His eyes softened, and for a moment, the boy you fell for peeked through the cracks. The one who used to wait outside your office just to walk you home, who stayed up late to hear every mundane detail of your day, who never left you wondering where he was or if he cared. That version of him felt like a distant memory now, buried beneath layers of missed calls, broken promises, and unspoken words.

You could see it in his face—the hurt, the regret—but the distance between you both felt too wide to cross anymore. “Please... Don’t do this,” he whispered, stepping closer, his voice raw with emotion. “I need you. I need us.”

You swallowed, your throat tight with the weight of everything you wanted to say but couldn’t. “I can’t keep waiting for you to care when you decide it’s convenient for you, Mingyu. I can’t keep putting myself through this. I can’t keep pretending that it’s enough just because you’re here when it suits you.”

The silence stretched between you both, suffocating and heavy. His hand reached out, fingers trembling as if he wanted to hold you, to make things right, but he stopped himself. He knew, deep down, that it was too late. That the bridge between you had already collapsed, one small misstep at a time, until there was nothing left to salvage.

“Please just leave,” you said quietly, the words slipping from your lips like they didn’t even belong to you. They were heavy, final, like the last breath of something you once held dear.

His breath hitched, his chest tightening, but you didn’t look away. You couldn’t look away from the wreckage that was left between you both, and you knew that leaving now was the only way to preserve whatever was left of yourself.

He stood frozen, his hand still on the doorknob, his body shaking like he was fighting to say something, anything, to change the course of what was happening. But the words wouldn’t come. There was nothing left to say. The silence stretched until it became deafening.

With one last look, he stepped out, the door closing softly behind him. You stood there, motionless, listening to the sound of his footsteps fade away into the distance, swallowed by the rain and the night.

The apartment was cold now, emptier than it had ever been, the silence louder than any argument. And when you finally exhaled, it was like the breath you’d been holding for so long had escaped—too late, but finally out.

But the ache in your chest remained.

send me an ask for my drabble game!

[lordofthescrolls]

Sweven (Adar x Elf reader)

Rating: Angst | Fluff

Summary: You did Sauron’s bidding because of a promise he made and when he was killed by Adar you were left with nothing… Or so you thought.

You didn’t know how long you had been kept in this prison, but you grew used to the dark, the lack of flames from torches you grew so accustomed to while living in the mountain. Now you were casted to the cold stones beneath Sauron’s chambers all because you had given him what you had promised… Power.

And you waited like any good servant would for his promise in return… One he did not give… Yet. You would constantly remind yourself. He will keep his promise, he will.

“My children told me there was one prisoner who refused to die.” A voice you have heard countless of times since you were taken, “Iston i nîf gîn.” He said. I know your face.

You knew his as well. You would admire him from a far as you both served Sauron in your own ways, never speaking to one another, but always there. You grew curious of the once elf now forged by darkness itself and created into a creature of the shadows.

It was his voice that intrigued you the most as it was the only thing you could truly hold onto here. A gruff and sad voice that you would hear in your dreams sometimes when the nights got too cold or the loneliness settled deep in your bones… Not that you would ever share that secret with anyone.

“I am an elf. Malnourishment does not kill me… You should be aware of that yourself… Elf.” You muttered quietly, your voice scratchy from the lack of use.

“Uruk.” He corrected you.

“Has… Sauron forgiven me?” You whispered brokenly as you blinked up at him, “I—” You coughed, “I did not mean to fail him. I swear. I didn’t have enough… I can try again. I can do better. Please tell him I can do better.” Your pleas were only met by silence and you watched him cautiously as he passed you a mug filled with water.

“Sauron is gone.” He replied, stepping back as he watched you gulf down the water in barely a second.

Your heart fell at his words, “He will come back for me then.” You murmured, shackled to the stone wall, “We have a deal.”

“Will he?” There was amusement in his voice, “It has been months since he had you chained down here.”

Months? Your throat felt dry again and you looked down at the now empty cup in your hands. Had it really been that long? “He could be continuing his plan.” You pressed wanting to believe that your wish will be fulfilled, “Him being gone doesn’t mean anything. He will return.”

“He could be...” He retorted, his gaze trailing over the tattered dress that you had been left in, “Or he could be dead.”

“He is not.” You seethed, your gaze snapping back to his.

“He is.” His grin was barely reckognizable but it was there.

“Your lies do not sway me.” You looked away from him, “Sauron isn’t dead. He can’t be, he is—”

“I killed him myself.” He proclaimed and he watched you lunge at him, the only thing stopping you was your chain.

“You…” Your breath caught in your throat as the first feeling that filled your chest was pure happiness. The joy that your master was finally gone and that you were free to do whatever you wished… To leave even, but then the loss settled in as you realized your wish would never be fulfilled. You would be left yearning for an eternity all because of a stupid elf.

“How could you.” You growled out as you slammed your fist into the ground, “Traitor!” You screamed at him, yelling profanities as he stood by and waited for you to calm down. You fell to your knees and began to weep not for your master, but for yourself. For the loss of a gift you so desperately wanted.

Adar crouched in front of you, looking down at you as if you were some wounded animal, “I have seen you in passing, always at his side. Never spoke a word, never showed emotion, always there… What did you do for him?”

“I healed him… Made him stronger…” You muttered broken as you recalled all those countless nights, brewing herbs in teas, using the magic you possessed to grow his power.

“And what did he offer you?” He asked gently as if trying to coax a wounded doe. That is what he deemed you were, a fragile doe left in a raging storm.

Your lips curled back as a grim expression took your face. Your tears falling freely as you cried in frustration and grief. You worked so very hard to please him and now here you were back to where you started… With nothing.

“I couldn’t…” Your throat tightened as you tried to speak through you cries, “I couldn’t have any… He promised he would fix me if I helped him… He promised and you took that from me!” Your anger grew as you lunged at him again, but he was quick and precise, always was with everything you have seen him do. He grabbed your wrist before you could fully swing at him and you felt yourself break in defeat as you sobbed.

“What did I take from you?” He asked again. His voice was low and gentle, his curiosity now growing.

“A family.” You replied barely above a whisper cursing the vacant womb you were blessed with since you were created, “All I wanted was a family.” Your voice broke.

He allowed you to pull your wrist free from his grasp and watched as you curled yourself into a ball, burying your face in your knees to hide your shame. Adar’s words seem to fail him in that moment as he looked at the broken elf maiden. He expected many answers to slip from your soft lips, but not that… Not when it was so close to the wish that he sought out for. The one that was granted when he was given his children. It was an answer that made him reach for your shackles and setting you free.

Your cries turned into sniffles as you felt the weight of the metal leave your ankles and you peaked up at him with hesitant curiosity.

“Are you hungry?” He asked in a gentle voice that was as rough as the stone you were used to sleeping against.

You didn’t answer with words, but a gentle nod of your head was all the confirmation he needed.

That was how you found yourself sitting at the stone table where Sauron used to dine. It was only on rare occasions that he would allow you to sit with him when he wanted to learn more about the slicers you created. You remember most nights however, you were left hungry because he was uninterested in your health. You were an elf, you only needed little to survive no matter how painful it was. Now the table was filled with orcs as they ate without fear of Sauron’s wrath.

“Why are you doing this?” You whispered sitting on Adar’s right as he sat at the head of the table. You had yet to touch your food and waited on his answer.

“He did not care for your wish as you thought he did. That is why he shackled you in such darkness after you provided no more use for him.” He explained as he took a sip of his wine.

“And you? Do you have use for me? Is that why I am up here?” You asked, accusing him of the same thing that Sauron had done.

“I am not him.” His reply was sharp as he stared at you, “I want nothing of you. You are free to leave now if you wish.”

You took in his words as you looked back to your plate. You could hear your stomach growl once the scent finally registered. You reached for the meat first and took a large bite as you contemplated on Adar’s words.

You were finally able to leave freely and that left excitement billowing in your chest, but it slowly fizzled away when you realized where would you even go? Who would want to take in a follower of Sauron? You thought and now your stomach filled with dread. They would kill you where you stood especially with the mark seared onto the back of your neck.

“Guren *glassui.”

It caught you off guard as you heard your mother language be spoken by the uruk sat across the table from you. It was clear he was speaking to you and everyone else continued with their conversation, everyone except for Adar who watched the interaction silently.

“You speak elvish? How?” You accused as your thoughts were scattered. It had been a long time since you were able to speak to anyone beside Sauron and even then it was only to agree to whatever he said. Your manners seem to evade you now as you pressed, “Thank you for what?” Was I being mocked? You weren’t sure.

This time the feast grew quiet as everyone listened in on your conversation. If uruk’s could blush you would see the poor uruk’s face turn bright red, “I asked Lord Adar to teach me your elvish words of thank you.”

Oh… Your gaze softened as you looked at him, “Why would you want to know my language?” You asked, but this time your tone was gentler.

“I was hurt badly… I would have died if not for your healing magic. That is why I thank you.” He explained, a shy expression overtaking his face.

“Ah…” Your voice trailed off in surprise.

You came to realize over the years you’ve been captive under Sauron’s hand that Uruk’s weren’t evil beings… Just forced to do bad things. This particular uruk, you vaguely remember helping one night while passing by the less then salvageable infirmary…

“You’re welcome.” You nodded towards the uruk, “I am glad that you survived. You did well. You all did well, truly.”

Your words seemed to brighten his and his siblings moods as the celebration continued in full. The dinning room and the rest of the mountain was filled with cheers as they celebrated their victory. Soon enough it was just you and Adar who were left at the table.

Your plate was wiped cleaned as you subtly looked for more food.

He noticed this and pushed his plate towards you, “Here.”

Your face heated up, “I couldn’t, that’s yours.”

“I’m not that hungry. Go ahead and eat before one of my children steal it from you.”

That was all you needed to hear before you were eating the rest of his meal, your stomach finally happy from being filled.

Adar watched you with mild humor and his arms crossed over his chest as he leaned back in his seat, “Have you decided what you will do?”

You wiped your mouth with your sleeve after you drank your wine. You looked towards him a small frown on your lips, “I don’t think I can go anywhere… Not with who I am… What I’ve done… I have nothing left.” You looked at the table, “He took my old life from me.”

“But not your new one.” Adar responded and you waited for him to continue as you leaned back to stare up at the stone ceiling, “You have everything to look forward to and experience.”

“But where? Who would possibly take me in when I have a mark of evil on my neck.” You spoke in frustration.

“I would.”

It was barely a whisper, but it had you sitting up to face him fully, “What?”

“I would take you. As you are. Right now.” He repeated, clear and sure this time.

“Even if I offer nothing to you?” You muttered quietly.

Adar nodded and stood from his seat, “You wouldn’t need to do anything you don’t want to.” He looked down at you with a softness in his gaze, “You could stay with my children and I.” He looked away for a moment.

It was then that he held his hand out for you to take if you wanted too as he continued, “We are not welcome in that world, but when we find our home it can be your home too… If you wish.”

You stared at his outstretched hand for a moment with entirety of emotions swirling in your chest. Fear, gratitude, anxiety… Care… This was the most you felt in a very long time and it was him… The silent brooding elf… Uruk making you feel.

His hand felt warm as you took it, a redness brushing against your cheeks as he pulled you up to stand.

“Thank you.” You whispered quietly as you looked up at him, “For offering me a home.”

“Always.”

It was a year later when you were curled up under Adar’s arm and covered by furs that kept you both warm. You breathed in his scent and listened to his slowed heartbeat as you tried to fall asleep with him, but something felt different tonight. It was only when listening to the laughter of his children that you have grown attached to just outside of your shared tent that you realized in some twisted way Sauron had given you the dream you desired… You finally had a family.

[queen-of-deans-booty]

Finally // beautiful stranger

Pairing: Dean Winchester x Female!Reader

Word Count: ~2.2k (including lyrics)

Warnings: angst, mostly fluff

Summary: You’ve got your heart broken once and you refuse to do it again. When a tall, green-eyed stranger walks into your life, you have to make sure he’s going to stay before letting him in completely.

Square Filled: finally // beautiful stranger by halsey (2020) for @spnsongchallengebingo

Author’s Note: any and all comments are appreciated <3

x

Your eyes, so crisp, so green Sour apple baby, but you taste so sweet You got hips like Jagger and two left feet And I wonder if you'd like to meet

The only twenty-four-hour diner is across town from where you live but you find yourself in it anyway. The place isn’t busy considering it’s nearing one in the morning but you don’t want to go home. If you do, you’ll think about him and you really don’t want to cry yourself to sleep. At last here, you can compose yourself not to cry in front of people.

That, and you’re always hungry after getting your heart broken.

“Let me top your coffee off,” the waitress says and fills your cup again.

“I want another round, please. Bourbon. Neat.”

“Sure.”

When the waitress leaves, you finally notice the two men on the other side of the diner. One has his back to you but the other one is facing toward you and by God, this man is gorgeous. Even from where you’re sitting, you can see his crisp green eyes. Like candy apples. The sight makes you sad. Your ex was just as beautiful, and here you are eating your sorrows away. You look down and take a bite of your pie with a sniffle. The waitress comes back with your Bourbon, and you take a big gulp of it.

The green-eyed man says something to his friend before walking over to you.

“Are you okay?”

You down the rest of the Bourbon even though it burns. “What makes you think I’m not?”

“You’re crying.”

“Yeah, because of pig-headed men. I hate men,” you scoff and take another bite of your pie.

He chuckles not at you but at your comment. “Can I sit?”

“Sure. Want some of my pie? Alcohol fills me up and I won’t be able to eat this all.”

“Don’t mind if I do.” He takes your fork and scoops some pie onto it before eating it. “My name is Dean.”

“I hope you treat your lady better than my man did, Dean.”

“I don’t have a lady but if I did, I would.” You nod and take the fork back for another bite. “Want me to beat him up?”

Maybe it’s your drunken brain or maybe it was genuinely funny, but you laugh at the thought of your ex getting beat by some stranger.

“You might not be able to take him on. He’s pretty big.”

“You clearly have no idea who I am, sweetheart. I’ll get my brother to help.” You giggle and bite your lower lip to stop your grin from spreading too wide. “What a shame.”

“What?”

“I know I shouldn’t be hitting on you but that guy doesn’t know what he gave up.”

“What do you mean?”

“He had a woman with the most gorgeous smile. If you were mine, I’d never want to stop seeing it.”

You smile again, this time, a shy one. It makes you sad because all beautiful men are like this.

Your voice is velvet through a telephone You can come to mine, but both my roommates are home Think I know a bar where they would leave us alone And I wonder if you'd take it slow

You and Dean kept in touch after meeting him half-drunk and crying over another man, and you’re kind of nervous to let him in more. You have a daughter who you love dearly, and bringing in strangers isn’t something you want to do to her. You don’t want her getting to know someone, bond with him, only for him to leave. Her father didn't want her so how can you expect anyone else to stay?

You and Dean hang when you can, when you have someone else to watch her, but finding a sitter is hard enough as it is. You don’t make a lot of money because you depended on your ex-boyfriend for everything. You didn’t have to work when he paid for everything. You’re trying your best even if it doesn’t feel like it.

“It’s been a while since I’ve heard your voice,” Dean says over the phone.

His voice is so velvety smooth that it makes you get butterflies from words alone.

“Sorry, I’ve been a bit busy. It’s been hard to get away.”

“I get it. Look, I have some free time now. I’d like to see you.”

You think of Amelia and how you can’t leave her here alone. She’s only six, she needs someone to watch her.

“I’d love to, Dean, but I have a daughter here that I can’t leave alone. I can’t afford a sitter right now otherwise I’d say yes.”

“Right. Of course, I understand.”

He sounds disappointed. You bite your lower lip in thought. Your sister lives a few houses down from you. If she says yes, you can leave and hang with Dean at a bar or something. You don’t want him coming here. As much as you like him, you’re not ready for Amelia to meet him.

“Let me ask my sister if she can watch her. I’ll text you if I can or not.”

“If you can, I’ll be at Joe’s. I hope to see you there.”

You immediately dial your sister because it’s a lot harder for her to say no to you over the phone rather than text.

“Hey, Y/N.”

“Okay, don’t say no right away. Just listen to me.”

“You want me to watch Amelia?”

“Just for a little bit. Maybe a couple of hours. I met this guy. His name is Dean.” You hear her sigh which makes you pause. You know this sigh. It’s a disappointed sigh. “Jess, it’s not what you think.”

“You just broke up with Trevor how long ago? You already met someone?”

“It’s not like I’m going to marry him. I just… I can’t explain it. He’s nice…”

“Trevor was nice.”

“Jess, please? Just a couple of hours. I’ll pay you if you want.”

“No, you don’t need to do that,” she sighs. “Fine, I’ll watch her only for two hours.”

“You got it. Thank you.”

“I hope you know what you’re doing. I’d hate to see you hurt over yet another guy.”

Trust me, me too. After she comes over, Amelia is happy to see her aunt. Joe’s is only ten minutes from your place, and you text Dean you’ll be right there. He’s in the back playing with darts when you arrive, and you head over with a smile.

“I’m glad you could make it.”

“Yeah, me too.”

“So, you have a daughter?”

“Yeah, her name is Amelia. She’s my pride and joy. My ex was her father, and you know that didn’t end too well. I’d have you come over but I don’t want her meeting someone still so new, you know?”

“Yeah. I get it. Trust me.”

“I like you, Dean. I just need to take it slow.”

“Whatever you need to feel safe.”

Just like that, you fall for him a bit more.

I grab your hand and then we run to the car Singin' in the street and playin' air guitar Stuck between my teeth just like a candy bar And I wonder if it goes too far to say

After two months of dating, you decide it’s best if he gets to meet Amelia. You’re not sure if it’s going to crash and burn or work out but you have to put faith in this decision. Dean has been nothing but good to you, so you’re taking the chance he’ll love your daughter. Amelia knows you’ve been seeing someone. She’s not stupid. She’s a very smart six-year-old--too smart for her own good.

“Dean is almost here.”

“Do you like him, Mommy?”

“I do,” you smile.

Amelia shrugs and goes back to coloring. Dean shows up in his gorgeous Impala that you love riding in. He even let you drive it once which was thrilling. You leave Amelia coloring in the living room to greet Dean at the door. He keeps the kiss short and sweet knowing your daughter is here. You turn to let him in when you see your daughter standing right behind you with her hands on her hips.

“Hi, you must be Amelia. My name is--”

“Are you gonna break my Mommy’s heart like Daddy did?”

You’re taken aback by the question. Dean doesn’t seem scared by her sass, in fact, he encourages it.

“No, I won’t.”

“You better not, mister. I know how to fight.” Dean can’t help but laugh. “You better be a good one.”

“Okay, why don’t you go play in your room.” Amelia leaves without another word, and you close the front door with an apologetic face. “I’m sorry about her. It’s been rough lately.”

“She’s a cute kid. I know we agreed to stay in tonight, but what do you say I take you and Amelia out? Maybe to a zoo? I bet she’d love seeing the animals.”

You look out the window and see his shiny black car. You love his car but it’s not suitable for Amelia.

“You know I love your car, but there are no seatbelts. I am not putting my baby in a car with no seatbelts.”

“Yeah, okay,” he nods.

You two settle on the couch and put a movie on that you both love. Within the first act, he pulls you into him and wraps his arm around you. You should be happy, and you’re trying really hard to be, but Trevor behaved the exact same way. He was so nice and loving in the beginning but he let his true colors show later on. Had you not run when you did, you would have had bruises on your body from him.

Still, through all that fear, you can’t seem to stay away from Dean.

I've never recognized a purer face You stopped me in my tracks and put me right in my place Used to think that lovin' meant a painful chase But you're right here now and I think you'll stay

It’s been a week since Dean promised to take you and Amelia to the zoo. He promised to have a car that is safe enough for your daughter, so you’re not sure if that means upgrading the Impala or getting another car altogether. Dean loves his car so you don’t think he’d give up his precious car for you.

“Amelia, are you ready?”

“Yes!”

“Are you excited?”

“I can’t wait to see the lions, Mama! And the giraffes!”

“If you’re lucky, you might get a kiss from a giraffe.”

Amelia giggles as you help put her shoes on.

“I hope you keep this one. I like him.”

“I like him, too.” Then again, I liked the other one. A car you don’t recognize pulls up to your house, and you take two steps outside to see who it could be. Dean exits and smiles when he sees your confused face. He’s not driving his beloved Impala. He’s driving a new version of a Dodge Ram. “Whose car is that?”

“Mine. I bought it yesterday.”

“Why?”

“It has seatbelts.” Your heart melts a bit. “Now I can take Amelia out without you worrying about her safety. I hear this is a really good car.”

“You’d do that for her?”

“I’d do that for you.”

You want to move toward him and kiss him but you’re stuck. You can’t move. You’re shocked because Trevor would have never done this for you or Amelia. He loved driving sports cars that were never safe for children, and he refused to get a car that could support her.

Dean might be a keeper.

Oh, we're dancin' in my livin' room And up come my fists And I say, I'm only playing, but The truth is this I've never seen a mouth that I would kill to kiss And I'm terrified, but the truth is this I said Beautiful stranger, here you are in my arms and I know That beautiful strangers only come along to do me wrong And I hope Beautiful stranger, here you are in my arms And I think it's finally, finally, finally, finally, finally safe For me to fall

Amelia is sleeping but you and Dean wanted to have date night. Your sister isn’t in town to watch her and you didn’t want to take her to a bar at such a late hour. Dean offered to bring the date to you, which is why you two are slow dancing in your darkened living room. The only source of light is the candles you lit prior to him coming.

Soft rock flows through your speakers at a low tone so as not to wake Amelia, but Dean doesn’t mind. Dean runs his hands down your waist and grips your hips gently, and you lean up to press your lips against his. You’ve never felt this way about anyone, not even Trevor. He says all the right things, does all the right things, and knows exactly how to make your heart flutter.

You’re still terrified but it’s a good terrified. You’re scared of what this could mean, not that he could break your heart.

You pull away from him and stare into his beautiful green eyes.

“Don’t make me regret falling for you,” you whisper.

He leans his forehead on yours.

“I won’t.”

x

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[sourbinnie]

☆ regrets & replacements ☆ (2)

♡ genre ¿? ♡ -> angst with a hopeful ending ♡ pair ¿? ♡ -> hyung line!skz x gn!reader ♡ plot ¿? ♡ -> it's not about making up, it's about owning up to your mistakes. ♡ warnings ¿? ♡ -> swearing ♡ request ¿? ♡ -> yes!

a/n -> BEFORE YOU READ ; if you're expecting an angsty ending, this is not gonna please you but if you expected everything to be happy and good in the end, this isn't for you either. i really did try to write a part where they fully make up and i couldn't do it. i don't even if it's my angsty side kicking in or if it's just instinct where i just don't find it possible for that to happen. i also didn't feel like giving in and making it sad as hell because i got requested to do something happy and i'm sorry if i disappointed that person. i literally couldn't do it:( and i'm really sad with myself about this one, i would say this is a neutral ending and i'm gonna leave it at that.

first part -> hyung line

chan ✉

waking up with no chan next to you was rare. your birthday was gone now but not your feelings and that sucked because that meant you would have to talk to chan about what happened. you didn't feel bad about not explaining it to him, you kinda hoped he already realized his mistake but even if he did it wouldn't change the course of things right now.

as you got up and walked to your living room, you saw the never ending pile of gifts. the flowers, the cake, the different things the boys got you and of course your boyfriend chan. he looked tired as hell, bags under his eyes and just overall the energy he usually had wasn't there. he looked at you and sighed when he saw the the reddish eyes from crying but he still had hope in him.

"you know getting me stuff won't make me forgive you that easily channie." you said and chan nodded as he heard your words. he wasn't doing this to earn your forgiveness, he knew he didn't deserve that in the end. but he still wanted you to have a birthday, even if the day had gone by, you deserved a celebration and he would leave if you asked him to because he just respected you that much.

"this isn't for you to forgive me even if i am so fucking sorry. this is because you deserved a good day yesterday and because your boyfriend's an idiot, he ruined that." he muttered and it was your time to nod as you listened to him. there was no easy way to forgive him really because what he did hurt you so deeply and this was beyond just forgetting.

"why did you do that chan? i mean i don't really expect you to always remember my birthday but i wasn't expecting to find out that you spend it with someone who deeply hates me." you explained and felt like you were going to cry again thinking about it. it wasn't fair to you and chan knew better than that, he didn't want to push it but he did want to fix things. losing you was not in his mind right now, he needed to make things right.

"when soohee called me yesterday i left without a comment because i truly was worried that something happened to her. it turned out she broke up with her boyfriend and whatever, begged me to stay with her and everything just went by so fucking fast. i didn't notice anything and i just-." he had to cut himself off because he knew he was rambling and he was desperate to make things okay but he was feeling so broken. thinking about you being all alone and waiting for him to come back was probably gonna haunt him and that made the tears build up in his eyes. "i know i don't deserve it (y/n) but please let me make it right."

you looked at him as you took in everything. you wanted to believe him because you knew chan and you knew how kind hearted he was when it came to his friends. you saw how he realized that soohee wasn't who he thought she was and it's hard losing a friend, you hated that this was all happening and felt absolutely betrayed but you were not heartless and chan crying always made you feel the worst way.

"channie, i don't know if i'm gonna be able to forgive you right now. but i would really like to spend the day with you because i missed you so much yesterday." you said and he could feel himself crying more but understanding. he was so scared that this was gonna be the end but he was given another chance. you got close to him and as soon as you were next to him, he wrapped his arms around you.

"i'll make it right, i promise." he mumbled through tears and you really hoped he would. drying the tears from his face with your thumb as you gave him a little kiss on the lips and he smiled again. it wasn't quite alright yet but the wound would heal eventually.

minho ✉

you knew it wasn't gonna be easy to go through the night all by yourself. of course you had your friends there but usually having minho by your side made things easier. jisung stayed by your side, disappointed in his friend and sad to witness the falling out but he was rooting for him to show up and make things right. the night was still young and he had been texting minho to come over even if you told him not to. jisung knew better though, he could read you and your eyes were always at the door.

when minho arrived at the place, he sighed deeply and prayed that he could fix this. the boys greeted him but jisung had a look on his face of "make this right" and it was scary. he wasn't the type to be afraid but if he did lose you today, that would be his biggest fear coming true and he didn't know what he would do without you.

he saw you looking as beautiful as ever out on the balcony. he had you all alone, he needed to talk and he needed to choose his words carefully before thinking of the worst.

"minho? i told you not to show up." you said but you didn't sound confident in your words. he could tell there was a mix of anger and sadness in your tone and it was all because of him, this wasn't going to be easy.

"i could not miss my partner's birthday even if i screwed up everything." he said and looked at you. you weren't even looking in his direction but he was captured by your beauty every time he glanced at you and it was beyond your outfit and how you did your hair. he got so lucky with you and knowing that this could be the last night he saw you would kill him slowly. "i can't lose you (y/n) and i know everything's beyond wrong right now but i just need you."

"i didn't feel bad that you forgot or even that you were with her of all people. but you lied to me and we've never had an instance where i felt like things were beyond repair but right now i just don't know what to say minho." you said and you didn't want to cry right now but it was all too much. he felt like crying himself as he saw those spill from your eyes because like you said, there wasn't a situation that you lived before where you guys wouldn't make up and he felt you slipping away from him.

"don't say that, i don't deserve you and i should've remembered in the first place. i choose someone who doesn't understand that i met the love of my life already and that i'm not gonna give up on them. i won't put you second ever again (y/n) and i know you probably won't believe me right now but i truly do mean it." he said confidently and you looked at him, meeting his honest eyes. "i lied i know and i thought i was making things better by keeping soohee away from everyone. i cut her off and i know i should've done it sooner."

you took his hand in yours as you looked down. he knew you did this when you were nervous, when you needed to hold or do something to distract you so he just let you. 

"i can't forgive you even if i want to because all i wanted was for you to show up and explain yourself." you said and it warmed his heart. even if he let you down, you always believed in him and will always wait for him. "minho i love you, would you give me time?"

"all the time you need, i'll be here waiting for you as long as it takes." he responded and even if it hurt that things went so wrong, there was a glimpse of hope in the end. "i love you more (y/n)." he then said and you kissed his cheek as you headed inside. 

changbin ✉

waking up to someone yelling over the phone wasn't really what you had in mind. you went to the living room where all the noise was coming from and you saw changbin looking as tired as he could be. you really didn't expect for him to stay in your apartment and for him to be mad was rare. 

"changbin what's going on?" you asked genuinely concerned because even if all the events from yesterday were on your mind, you cared too much about him to not be there if he needed you. on the other hand, changbin couldn't take that you still were looking at him with caring eyes, he deserved to be yelled at and deserved to be kicked out.

"i'm cutting someone out of my life and they didn't make it easy. as soon as they started insulting you, i had to say some things that were not quite nice but i don't regret it." he responded and you could imagine who he was talking about. it still surprised you that he did that because even if you hated her, you knew that changbin in the end cared about her but from how angry he was you could see there was no going back.

"you didn't have to do that changbin." you muttered and he was so sad to hear that, not because of soohee and cutting off their "friendship" but because you genuinely thought he shouldn't have defended you. "i mean it's not like you didn't go there yesterday and spent all day with her when she needed you."

"stop that right now. first of all, i know what i did and i'm always gonna be fucking sorry about not being here with you, celebrating your day and choosing someone who clearly wanted this to happen all along." changbin said and you were glad he was now finally realizing but you also felt like it was too late. "but i'm not gonna hear you say that you don't want me to defend you because i'm always gonna be choosing you even if you want me to go right now, you will always be the one for me. i'm genuinely serious (y/n), i don't want soohee and i'm never gonna want her because i am in love with you."

"and i'm always gonna be in love with you but it doesn't change the fact that you hurt me." you said and he nodded now getting what you meant and how you felt. there might no be going back from this one and he just wanted to disappear right then and there. 

"tell me what i can do to fix this. i'll do anything you want me to because i swear i can't live without you." he begged basically and you could hear his voice getting higher pitched. it wasn't common for him to cry and if you saw him cry, you would end up crying as well.

"binnie i don't know. this is not the end and i don't want you to leave, can we pretend for a while that yesterday didn't happen?" you said and he looks at you. his eyes filled with tears but he still finds the strength to hold on to you and give you a hug. you felt like you needed to be in his arms, maybe even more so yesterday than today but right now is all you have and your birthday is long gone.

"i will make it up to you, i swear i will." he whispered as he kissed your forehead. you let the tears go, staining his shirt but he didn't care as long as he had you in his arms where you belonged. 

hyunjin ✉

to your dismay and your surprise at the same time, he was knocking at your door an hour later. you knew it was him, he had been spamming your phone ever since you left the building but you couldn't even respond from how disappointed you were. even now you were doubting if you should open the door or leave him knocking all night but you couldn't do that without a neighbor complaining so you decided to head to the entrance and open the door.

"i told you not to come. go back to soohee or whatever you had in mind for today." you said and you wanted to close the door again but he stopped you before you could do it. you looked as he walked into your apartment and took in his appearance. he looked like he almost ripped his hair out and like he had been crying, so pretty much like you did right now.

"i don't even know where to start." he said pacing back and forth and as much as you wanted to hate him, you grabbed his hand and sat down with him before he kept spinning around your apartment. that action alone was enough to calm him down but the glare you were giving him was making him doubt himself all over again. "the only thing i have in mind right now is the fact that i don't want to lose you because i was so fucking stupid."

"you were and i truly don't know how you're gonna get out of this one jinnie. this is beyond it being my birthday just why? why didn't you pick up? why did you show up with her? why didn't you defend me? i feel so stupid." you expressed and the tears were rolling again but so were hyunjin's because he could not stand seeing you cry. you didn't have to feel stupid, he was the stupid one and the one that messed everything up on a special day.

"i didn't pick up because she kept telling me that it was an unknown number calling and hanged it up for me. i showed up with her because she told me she would help me pick up your present at the end of practice and i didn't defend you because i truly wasn't expecting her to say that. i thought she was my friend and i thought she cared about me but i had to kick her out as soon as i saw it all go down." he said in between tears and rambles. you didn't want him to justify himself or his actions but it was nice hearing his side even if you were still very much hurt by everything that happened. 

"hyunjin i always told you how i don't want to interfere in your friendships but she has always hated me and you put her first." you said and he nodded, he was already accepting defeat because he truly did fuck it up this time. you pushed the tears away because you didn't feel like crying anymore and yet they wouldn't stop. 

"i'll leave, you don't deserve to spend the rest of your birthday with someone who did you wrong." he said and even in all this pain, it still hurt when hyunjin didn't fight it anymore. there was a point in all the fights that you've had where he gave up because he could not take in your anger or your sadness, he just wanted to see you smile again. right now he felt like he was holding back what could be a good day for you because it was still your birthday after all and he didn't want to ruin it anymore.

"hyunjin, stay. i can't say that i'm past it yet but i just wanna be with you right now even after all that happened, i just don't see myself going out celebrating if it's not with you by my side." you said, giving him a little smile through all the tears. he got closer to you as he placed a kiss on your lips which you responded to, the most hurtful one you shared yet.

"i'll stay for as long as you want me to and i'll leave if you need me to." he whispered and you nodded because everything was hurting but his words would always find a way to your heart. his hand on your cheek as he caressed it slowly and you met for another kiss.

[k5ashe]

promising forever

I broke up with my boyfriend so time for some angst

She stayed quiet for a while, thinking. Then it hit her, and she sighed

"I can hide. We don't have to break up."

For the first time in a long time, he hesitates.

"Hide? What do you mean? Hide where? How?"

He takes a step closer to her, studying her expression. His gray eyes betray a mixture of frustration and a hint of sadness.

"This is because of those men, right? You think they will come after me." She spoke, looking at him with a nervous expression.

"Of course it's those fucking Dragons!" He snaps, his frustration evident. "If those bastards find out about you, they'll do anything to screw with me using you. I'm not going to let them hurt you." He runs his hand through his hair, sighing deeply as he lowers his eyes. "You don't know what they are capable of. Trust me, please. You don't want to be involved in all of this."

"I'll wait. I'll wait for you." She said, grabbing his coat, pulling him closer to her trembling form. ''I'll wait, so--.. Don't break up with me. Please.''

God-fucking-damnit, he can never say no. He's not strong enough. He looks at you for a long moment, searching for the strength to push you away.

"...I-" his voice catches, the words dying in his throat as he tries to break your hopes, but his arms, moving on his own, wrap around you in a tight embrace."No. You can't. Please. You deserve better than me."

He murmurs as he holds you against his chest, one hand caressing your hair. "You're so sweet and innocent. I am darkness and violence. I live for fighting, for the chase. You deserve someone better than me. Someone who can love you truly. Who can give you a safe life. I can't do that for you. You know I can't."

"I'll die without you". She screamed, voice trembling. "Please don't leave me. I'll wait-.. So please."

There are few things in the world more painful for him than seeing you cry. His heart feels like it's been stabbed as a tight knot forms in his chest. His eyes are also glassy with tears, but he doesn't shed them. Him, being an extremely stoic and closed-off man, would rather cut open his veins than show his tears. It's a weakness he refuses to show.

"Love. Lov-" he whispers, his voice strained, his fingers digging into your waist. He shakes his head, swallowing hard. His heart is breaking, he's unable to see you cry. Unable to hear you beg. He's is losing his composure as the knot in his chest tightens further. He wants to fight it, fight his feelings, but he cannot. His arms tighten around you.

"Alright. Please, please stop crying. I won't." He whispers in a cracked voice, pressing your face against his chest. "I won't break up, my love. I'm here, I-I'm here." His voice falters, barely audible. "I'm so sorry," he whispers, his voice low as he presses a kiss to the top of your head. His fingers press into your skin, needing to feel you close. To have you near.

His eyes are closed, tears welling up and he hates himself for being so weak. "I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry." He can hear his father's disapproving voice in his head, telling him that he shouldn't be crying. That he should be strong. That a man should never cry.

Without a word, she sat beside him and placed a hand on his back. He flinched slightly at the contact but didn’t pull away. She began rubbing slow, soothing circles, waiting for him to speak, but he stayed silent.

“Hey,” she said gently, her voice a soft melody in the silence. “It’s okay. Whatever it is, you don’t have to face it alone.”

He shook his head, his hands dropping to his lap as he wiped at his eyes hastily. “I shouldn’t be like this,” he said, his voice raw and barely audible. She knelt in front of him, her hands gently cupping his tear-streaked face. Her voice trembled, raw with emotion, but her words were steady.

“I’ll wait, okay?” she whispered, pressing a tender kiss to his forehead. Her lips lingered there, as though trying to pour all her strength into him. “For days. Months. Years. I don’t care how long it takes—I'll be here, waiting for you to find your way back.”

She pulled back just enough to look into his eyes, her gaze fierce, unwavering. “But don’t you dare die on me. Don’t even think about it. I swear, if you try to leave me, I’ll follow you. To the ends of the earth, to the edge of whatever comes after this life—I’ll chase you, and I’ll bring you back.” Her voice cracked, but her grip on his face tightened. “You can’t escape me. You don’t get to leave me here, not like this. Not ever.”

[missmonsters2]

Your Touch is My Shelter

Pairing: Natasha Romanoff x Fem!Reader

Summary: 6 months later, Natasha returns from the dead. It's a tightly kept secret as it's unknown how she returned, but everyone claws and fights about who will keep watch over her like savages. You're far down the list of people who should protect her, but you find yourself unable to leave her be.

Warnings/Tags: hurt/comfort. undisclosed trauma. physical and mental signs of trauma. angst. somber assisted bath time. sad hair braiding. emphasis on hurt AND comfort.

Note: This takes place after endgame :-) the dates might be inaccurate idk i did my best 🥲 ha-ha enjoy 👁️👁️

Masterlist || Library Blog || AO3

Reminder there's no taglist but you can follow my library blog for notifications 💘

Count: 5.2k

Please do not copy, repost, or translate my work anywhere else.

⊶⊷⊶⊷⊶⊷⋆⊶⊷⊶⊷⊶⊷

You heard the news through Bruce. 

Well, it was through Bruce telling Pepper, and you just happened to be at the coffee machine getting shitty coffee. The quality drastically dropped since Tony was gone, and you've been putting off telling Pepper she needed to literally buy anything else. 

You didn't really know how long was the appropriate time for someone to grieve before you could ask if they could buy another brand of coffee.

Tony was gone. 

A part of you thinks you keep putting off telling Pepper because then you'd have to face—really face—he was gone. 

Steve was gone. 

What did it matter, really, in the grand scheme of things? Coffee was just coffee, and it'd probably taste fine if you just put a shitload of sugar and creamer in it. 

Vision was gone. 

Honestly, you only really noticed because it was the same brand as whatever was stocked up at the Avengers Compound. 

Natasha was gone. 

But perhaps the coffee always tasted bad at the Compound and it had nothing to do with Tony being gone. Natasha used to bring coffee into the office most days for people, and Clint filled in the other days. 

Maybe Tony Stark just liked shitty coffee, and you were only now just noticing it. 

Natasha was back. 

Your hand faltered at the coffee machine, spilling a little of it on your hand, and the burn stung immediately.

"Are you okay?" Bruce asked as he noticed you inhale a sharp breath.

"Yeah, I'm fine." You smiled awkwardly at him before looking at Pepper. "Morgan's fine. She just has the flu and her fever's gone down. Make sure she gets plenty of rest and fluids. I'm going to set up a humidifier for her and help her settle into bed with a movie and wait for her to fall asleep before I head out."

Pepper let out a heavy breath, putting her hand over her chest in relief. "Oh, perfect. Thank you so much for coming suddenly. I just—Morgan doesn't really like going to the hospital, and suddenly she started throwing up and having a fever—"

"It's fine, Pepper," you waved off her ramblings after you wiped what you spilled on the counter. "You can always call me if you need me."

"Seriously, I think I might just employ you full-time as a live-in doctor if you say that," Pepper joked, and you laughed. 

"I am already your live-in doctor, just for one of your research labs. instead."

⊶⊷⊶⊷⊶⊷⋆⊶⊷⊶⊷⊶⊷

You don't think about Natasha—at least, you try not to. 

You heard things here and there about it through Pepper. Apparently, she's being held in a government facility similar to The Raft, detained like some criminal they needed to study instead of the war hero who sacrificed everything to save the world. 

It made you sick to your stomach. 

But you hear that Clint, Bruce, and Nick Fury have been fighting to get custody of her, so you don't think about it. There were people who knew Natasha far better than you did and were way closer to her than you were. 

She was in good hands. 

So, you continue on with your daily routine to pass your monotonous days, unaware you're waiting for some kind of update.

⊶⊷⊶⊷⊶⊷⋆⊶⊷⊶⊷⊶⊷

The next time you heard about Natasha Romanoff, it was Clint and Bruce cornering you at your lab.

"What?" You panicked, tensing up. "Why me?"

"You're the only person Natasha ever sought out to treat her," Clint answered, and you felt even more lost at the fact he knew. "Natasha allows medical professionals onsite to help her, but there were times she left to go see you. That has to mean something."

But, of course, he knew. He was Natasha's...best friend. And Clint was an incredibly nosy person, even if Natasha didn't tell him. 

"I've only treated her a handful of times—literally only five times. I don't know her that well," you shook your head, trying to walk around them. "I didn't even know she had a sister until you told me."

"Please," Clint begged. "I'm fighting to get her out, and the doctors they have looking after her are shady and callous with her. I can only visit her with Nick's influence, but it's not enough to get her out of there."

"And what do you suppose I can do?"

"You're a renowned cellular biologist," Bruce cut in. "If they're holding her for research, we want someone on our side who will at least treat her like a human being. The faster we get answers, the faster we can get her out."

"Please," Clint begged again. "Natasha needs help. She's...different. And it's only going to get worse if she remains in there. She's not talking, and they won't let her go until they can find some answers."

It felt wrong. 

You don't want to study Natasha Romanoff like an animal. Despite being a scientist with an inquisitive mind, you don't care about how she returned.

But it sounded like Natasha would be researched whether you liked it or not. And if that was the case, you do wonder how the other doctors may be treating her.

"Fine, we're going first thing in the morning," you gritted out, unable to block out the handful of memories of times you've treated her.

⊶⊷⊶⊷⊶⊷⋆⊶⊷⊶⊷⊶⊷

June 2012

"Oo, that looks painful," you hissed in sympathy as a redhead with a busted lip and nasty gash on her temple entered the med bay.

There was a snort that sounded like a half-grunt. "It looks worse than it feels. I hope I'm not intruding, but Tony said I should see you to be treated."

"Natasha, right?" You asked slowly, gesturing to a seat for her to take as you grabbed some medical supplies. 

"Yes," Natasha replied, equally slow with caution.

"Tony talks about you a lot," you tried to reassure her of whatever paranoia she might have. It probably didn't help that Natasha was still in her catsuit and probably would've preferred to be called by her alias.

"Well, don't believe everything he says," Natasha gives a light but somewhat tight smile. 

"Oh, so you aren't a unique woman with high intellect, sneaky, and rightfully smug?" You teased, and it was flattering that you could make a superhero laugh. 

You began treating Natasha's wound carefully. 

"You're pretty good at this, doc," Natasha commented as you blew on her brow, even if it didn't sting. "You're pretty gentle. Must be why Tony says you're his personal doctor."

You chuckled. "I'm actually a cellular biologist. Tony is funding my research and pretty much my lifestyle. With the money he's paying me, he can come crying about his boo-boos anytime. Although, he doesn't really come to me for serious stuff. It's usually if he has something ridiculous like a papercut."

"But you can treat wounds and other medical things?" 

"I was on my way to becoming a medical doctor before I decided to go into research instead."

"Huh," Natasha hummed, raising her brow at you. "Smart cookie."

"I'd like to think so," you finished cleaning Natasha's wound and putting a bandaid over it. "Feel free to come see me if you need any other basic medical aid. For a pretty redhead, it's free of charge."

"And if I come back blonde?"

"We'll cross that bridge when we get to it," you smiled, and Natasha smirked back at you.

"Smart and funny. Tony has it too good."

⊶⊷⊶⊷⊶⊷⋆⊶⊷⊶⊷⊶⊷

April 2014

"This is the worst bandage job I've ever seen. Who did you go to see for this? A grocery clerk?"

Natasha grunted. "Hi, to you too, doc."

You looked at Natasha, noticing how different her hair is now. But it's been about two years since you have seen her. Despite your offer for her to come to you anytime she needed help, she never did. Or she rarely did, you supposed. 

You could only deduce that Natasha was used to caring for her wounds on her own. That, or she didn't trust you. 

"Alright, let's go to my office," you sighed. 

"Am I interrupting?"

"Not really, kind of hit a brick wall."

"Oh, me too."

You looked over at Natasha, who had a straight face, but you noticed the bruise on her temple outside the obvious gun wound on her shoulder.

You pursed your lips. "Will you hate me if I laugh?"

"Not at all. On the contrary, I may like you less if you don't."

⊶⊷⊶⊷⊶⊷⋆⊶⊷⊶⊷⊶⊷

June 2015

"You know, when I told you that you could come for me for basic medical aid, I feel like you didn't understand the meaning of basic."

"Is this too complicated for you?"

"No."

"Then am I unwelcomed?"

You pursed your lips at the redhead, who stared at you with a tiny upward quirk on her lip. "No," you sighed. "Just not sure why you'd want to see me for such serious wounds. There are other more experienced doctors."

You lift Natasha's shirt up, looking at the long gash on the side of her stomach. "We're gonna need to stitch this up. I've been doing research with Dr. Cho, and we have a new machine that can help with cell tissue generation. It would be faster than me manually stitching—"

"It's fine," Natasha declined. "I'd prefer if you manually did it."

You frown lightly at the fact but relent to the redhead's wishes. Another year passes, and Natasha's hair has changed again. 

You worked silently on cleaning Natasha's wound, and she also declined the anesthetic. You focus on stitching up the wound with precision and care.

"I like to go to you for some things because your touch is gentle," Natasha said quietly, but it felt so loud in the silent room. "It makes me feel human when I can feel your touch."

You looked over at her face briefly, but Natasha wasn't looking at you. You don't take any deeper meaning into it. She's someone who's probably felt dehumanized most of her life. The machines that can heal her twice as fast would be fine for life-threatening injuries, but it probably all feels clinical. 

You looked back down at the stitch. "Well, as long as you're a redhead, it's free of charge."

"Don't kid yourself, I would look perfect blonde."

"Yeah, you keep telling yourself that."

⊶⊷⊶⊷⊶⊷⋆⊶⊷⊶⊷⊶⊷

September 2016

"What are you doing here?" You hissed as you pulled Natasha in quickly, peering outside before shutting the door. 

"Why? Am I unwelcomed now?" Natasha's tone sounded a little hurt, and you scan her body. She didn't seem to be bleeding anywhere that required immediate attention, but you did notice crusted blood at the edge of her nostrils. 

"No, but you could get caught here," you shook your head at her. "They're looking for you and the rest of team cap everywhere."

Natasha shrugged. "I highly doubt Tony has your place under surveillance. We don't meet enough for anyone to consider looking for me through you."

You sighed, not sure what to feel about the statement. "I suppose. I don't work for Tony anymore, anyway."

Natasha's brows furrowed.

"Why?"

"I don't agree with what he's doing."

"So you're on Steve's side?"

"No, I think Steve was obstinate too. They're both stupid. Men are stupid."

Natasha laughed before wincing as she held her nose.

"What happened?" You brought her over to your couch before finding your first aid kit.

"I broke my nose," Natasha shrugged. "Can you believe breaking my nose saved millions of girls?"

"With you? Yes." You smirked as you tilted her head to look at the injury closer. "Lucky you. Looks like you don't need surgery. Do you always come here immediately after you save the world?"

"Yep."

"Couldn't even clean your nose before you did?"

"And deprive you of giving me care? I wouldn't dare."

You snorted, carefully cleaning the blood in and around her nose. It was silent again before Natasha spoke up.

"So, what happened with your research stuff now that Tony's not sponsoring your work?"

"Pepper is funding it, even though she knows I won't share anything with Stark Industries at the moment. She doesn't want me to sell my research or provide any data to other companies."

"Smart cookie."

"And a really hot blonde."

"This feels targeted. It's like you know I might dye my hair blonde soon."

"You're still a redhead; I have no idea what you mean. I like your hair, though. Braids look good on you."

⊶⊷⊶⊷⊶⊷⋆⊶⊷⊶⊷⊶⊷

June 2018

Natasha showed up at your front step, holding her rib. There's a look of genuine relief at seeing you.

"You're still here," her voice sounds empty and hollow. "You're still here."

You pulled her inside gently. You're still in shock yourself. You were on a walk when people started disappearing left and right. The sheer panic on the streets was chaos as you were dialing Pepper frantically, almost crying when she picked up the phone. Then there were actual tears when you called other people in your life, and half of them didn't pick up...and they weren't going to. 

"I'm here," you swallowed. "What happened to your rib?"

"I don't know." Natasha looked so lost. There was the look of failure and self-blame all over her face. 

"Does it hurt?"

"I don't know."

You grasp her wrist, carefully moving her hand away from her rib before gently putting your fingertips against them. Your fingers trail up, down, and around. 

Suddenly, Natasha broke into tears. 

"Does it hurt?" You asked, panicked.

"You're still here," was all Natasha choked through her tears.

You didn't know what to do other than treat her wounds more gently than ever before while reassuring her you hadn't disappeared. You were one of the many people on this planet still here. And when she was better, she'd get the rest of them back. 

It was a long and exhausting night, and Natasha fell asleep in your bed, and you made sure she was comfortable before leaving to sleep on the couch.

Natasha's hair has changed again.

"You look good blonde."

That was the last time you saw her. 

⊶⊷⊶⊷⊶⊷⋆⊶⊷⊶⊷⊶⊷

Natasha's hair has changed again. She's gone back to being a redhead with blonde tips. Her hair was a mess, barely brushed, and looked knotted. 

The room was big and had padded walls, a singular bed in one corner, and a toilet and sink in another. There were lights in parts of the cell but also areas of darkness. It looked like a fucking prison cell. 

You were looking through an unbreakable glass window, the middle holding up a microphone you assumed was linked to the speaker in the room.

Natasha stood in the middle of the room under the light in a hospital gown falling off her shoulder. Her hands were covered in scars, and her lips were so chapped, you were sure they'd split even if Natasha breathed the wrong way. 

Natasha was only a few feet away from you, but it felt like she was a million miles away.

They let you see her alone under the guise of privacy as you saw her.

You felt you weren't supposed to see this—see her like this. 

A sense of dread filled you at the blank expression on Natasha's face at what she'd gone through—what she was still going through. 

She was a hero, and this was how they were treating her? This was someone who had fought wars repeatedly for this stupid country and the rest of the world, and they had her locked up like a mental ward patient from the 1600s.

You thought the government had gotten better. There were reforms and peace after people came back from the snap. This wasn't how they were supposed to treat someone who'd given up their life to ensure everyone got theirs. 

It shouldn't matter that she came back; she had still given it up in the first place for them. 

Natasha didn't even seem to recognize you through the glass as you stepped closer to the microphone. She looked past you as if she could tell the exit was somewhere behind you. 

"Natasha?" You said into the mic, and it bellowed into the room.

Nothing. 

"Nat?" 

Natasha's eyes were listless. She was a broken, empty shell that seemed more like an animated corpse than actually being alive.

You swallowed, trying one more time. "You're still a redhead. Looks like it's still free of charge."

Natasha's eyes flickered this time, her head tilts towards you as she blinked with focus. It was just a spark, but it was something, and relief spreads through you. 

"Not completely." You could barely hear her voice, but it was coarse. Cold.

There should've been a joke about some kind of discount, but Natasha didn't make it. You were speechless.

You didn't know what to say. Don't worry, you're trapped in here, but I'm going to help with the research, and hopefully, we'll get you out soon?

It was like prolonging a death sentence. You were horrified.

"Just—wait for me," the words flew out of your mouth so fast but you meant them with every ounce of your being. "You're gonna go home with me today."

Natasha's eyes sparked at the words but just as quick as you saw it, they died out, falling back into listlessness. She turned, stepping into a darkened corner away from your view and prying eyes of the cameras as she said, "No, I'm not."

You realized she's probably spent weeks watching Clint, Bruce, and Fury try to get her out unsuccessfully.

The resignation made something lurch in your throat and eyes sting with desperation and rage. 

⊶⊷⊶⊷⊶⊷⋆⊶⊷⊶⊷⊶⊷

"So, we can send you a contract—"

"You're going to release her to my custody," you cut off some government official. He was old, wearing some kind of toupee that was slicked back to hide his balding head. 

He looked at you in disbelief, almost laughing like you were some stupid, naive young girl. 

He looks at Clint and Bruce, who are also just looking at you in shock.

"As I've told your friends and Nick Fury, this is out of their hands. The Accords are still intact as of right now, therefore—"

"I don't care about the Accords. You will release her into my care. I'm more than qualified and I have the resources to find the inane answers you're looking for while rehabilitating Agent Romanoff," you cut him off again, able to tell that it was irking him. 

"That won't be necessary as you can see we have the resources here," the government official raised his brow at you.

"Your resources can't compete with Stark's resources."

It was no secret that Tony had left a very sizable fortune to you in his will, outside of everything he gave to Pepper and Morgan. And it was also no secret how close you were with the surviving Starks. 

"Doctor," the government official sighed, obviously making it sound like you were a nuisance. "If you're not here to join our research team, I suggest you go on your way and remember the NDA you signed."

You glared at him even more. "I'm not leaving without Agent Romanoff. You will hand her over to me, or you will regret it."

"And exactly how will I regret it?" The government official looked smug, and you smirked back at him.

"I'm still in talks with the government regarding my research, and I will pull out and sell that information outside of this country as I'm free to do so. I know Dr. Cho is in talks between the US and South Korea about her nano-technology. One word from me, and America can fall behind on those advancements as well." You pulled out your cell phone in a threatening manner. "Pepper and I will pull out all of our money from the very same banks and company investments that you're supporting and make you watch as they collapse one after another."

"You'd ruin our entire economy—our country by doing so!" The official was red in the face. "You'd put your entire country into chaos?" He sneered at you.

"I will if you don't give me Agent Romanoff!" You sneered back at him. "It's not like you won't eventually get your research and answers if she's in my custody. It works in both our favor."

The official is staring at you, glaring and seething.

"I imagine your colleagues and superiors will pin the blame on you if this entire economy and country goes into ruin because if I have to do that, I will say that it's the government's fault. The NDA said I can't specifically talk about Natasha and this place, which I won't. But I'm sure some journalist will discover the truth and plaster all over the news what you're doing to a war hero," your voice was so vindictive; you're not sure if you've ever been so cold before. 

"So," your voice was flat, devoid of emotion now. "What will it be?"

⊶⊷⊶⊷⊶⊷⋆⊶⊷⊶⊷⊶⊷

It was agreed that Natasha would stay in a cabin that Pepper owned out in the countryside. You were to provide monthly updates on your research and rehabilitation progress. And while this was in headway, neither you nor Natasha was free to leave the country or this planet. 

Clint initially wanted you and Natasha to stay with him and his family, but you declined. You pointed out that it would be hard for him and his family—his children, especially—to see Natasha like this. 

Pepper had everything prepared while you gingerly collected Natasha.

"We're going home, Natasha," you said softly, shrugging off your jacket to wrap around her shoulders. But Natasha still didn't react, even if she let you take her hand and drag her out of the facility. 

During the car ride, you mentally planned what you needed to do. Natasha needed to eat, take a bath, and rest. 

"Have you eaten yet?" You asked the redhead, sitting stoically in the car, straight as a rod. 

There was no answer. Natasha was peering out the windshield, her hands perfectly on both thighs. Clint looked worried as he looked at you.

"Natasha?" You gently placed her hand over hers. You could feel the bumps of the white scars over her hand. A part of you is too frightened to ask where she got these from. 

Natasha looked down at your hand over hers before looking at you. Her eyes were so empty. Such a dull green like dying grass.

"Did you eat?" 

Natasha nodded once before looking back outside the windshield. 

You looked at Clint, trying to give him a reassuring smile, but deep down, you were afraid you had no idea what the fuck you were doing. 

⊶⊷⊶⊷⊶⊷⋆⊶⊷⊶⊷⊶⊷

"Pepper says you've been here before, but let me know if you need help finding anything," you brought her into the house where Natasha just stood, looking at nothing in particular. 

"Um," you took a shaky breath. "How about a bath? I'm sure it'll be good to get the grime and stale air off of you." 

Natasha didn't move on her own, so you began to lead her up the stairs to the bathroom. 

It was a detached tub near the high window to get plenty of sunlight without anyone being able to peer in. 

"I'll just get this started for you," you offered. Turning on the tap and pouring in a liquid that formed into bubbles. "Just make sure to check the temperature and adjust. Pepper says that sometimes that faucet can be a little finicky."

You turned to Natasha, who stood there, staring at the wall. She was unmoving, making no gesture if she was waiting for you to get out or to start undressing.

"Do you, um, need help?" You asked, but there was no answer. 

Maybe it would wake her up a little once she was in the water. 

"I'm—" you took a long breath in. "I'm gonna help you undress and get into the tub. If you get uncomfortable at any point, let me know and I can stop or do something else."

It wasn't like you've never seen a naked body before. You've seen plenty both in your sex life and field of work. You've even seen parts of Natasha's body when you've treated her. You just never thought you'd see Natasha fully naked. 

You slid your jacket off her shoulders, letting out a puff of breath. You looked past her as you undid the string of her hospital gown. You looked up when you slid down her underwear before guiding her towards the tub. Your gentle guiding seemed to spark Natasha into mechanically climbing into it herself the rest of the way. 

"Okay, cool. Um," you stuttered. "I'm sure you've been through a lot. Once you're done, we can get you into bed and if you're hungry later, I can make you something."

You were getting used to the lack of answers, but it didn't make your stomach drop any less. "Just let me know if you need anything."

You don't wait for a response this time, leaving without shutting the door fully. Down the hall, you leaned against the wall, swallowing harshly. 

It feels like you brought a lifeless shell home. A part of you wonders if Natasha really did return or if this was just some lifeless doll. 

You didn't want to think about it anymore, so you pushed yourself off the wall and into a bedroom with a suitcase and unzipped it open to grab some clothes.

When you were heading back, you heard the water still running and frowned. 

"Natasha?" You called as you opened the door. The tub was overfilling, and you rushed to turn off the faucet, trying to not slip.

Natasha was sitting how you left her, staring ahead at the running water but not really looking at it.

You sighed, relieved that the bathroom floor was designed with wood and curved so that any water would naturally run towards a drain in the floor. 

You go to check the temperature of the water and find that while it was initially fine when you turned it on, Natasha hadn't attempted to adjust it, and the finicky faucet ran nearly scalding water. 

"Jesus, Natasha, you're going to hurt yourself," you yelped. You braced through it and stuck your hand in to drain the tub halfway.

You inwardly sighed, knowing you would have to help Natasha through the entire process. You began to refill the tub, monitoring the temperature and shut it off when it was filled adequately. 

"I'm going to help wash you if that's okay," you muttered. "Just let me know if you prefer to do it yourself at any point."

You grabbed a nearby stool and sat on it before grabbing the loofa. You began with Natasha's shoulders and arms, trying to wash parts of her that were easy to access.

Natasha tensed as you washed her, so you tried to be more slow and careful. 

"It's just me," you said softly, trying to reassure the redhead. "I've always taken care of you."

Natasha said nothing, but her shoulders relaxed slightly as you continued. There wasn't much dirt on her, but the stale air that was surrounding her began to fade away. 

Her knees were propped up, folded to her chest, and you washed down her thighs and legs, trying to not think of anything too much as you did it. You tried not to think about the scars on her hands and feet. 

Readjusting your stool, you went to sit behind her. You used a cup to wet Natasha's hair, trying to detangle some of it gently first. It was then you discovered a shaven spot in the back of her head, where there was a large scar. You realized that was where Natasha's head hit the ground when she—

You swallowed, trying to suppress the anger that they shaved her head to get a look at something so private. 

You squeezed a considerable amount of shampoo in your hands and gently rubbed it into her scalp. Natasha tensed at first before your fingers massaging her scalp made her relax, her body leaning back against the tub and her head into your hands. 

It was quiet as you did this. You shampooed her hair twice before slathering it up in conditioner and finally getting out the rest of the knots. You drained the tub, grabbing the shower head to rinse her down once more before you grabbed a towel and helped her out. 

You helped put a bathrobe around her to help dry her as you didn't think you had the gall to fully dry every part of her by hand. Grabbing her clothes, you led her to her bedroom, setting her down on the bed. 

Natasha sat silently as you towel-dried her hair with gentle hands. Her eyes fell closed as you began to blow dry it. Your soft fingers tousling her hair. 

So delicate. 

When it was dry, you set the blow dryer aside. 

"Hm, your hair is pretty sensitive and might be for the next week. It might be better to braid it so it doesn't tangle and break when you're sleeping," you commented, mostly to yourself. 

You took sections of her hair, delicately beginning to put her hair into a french braid. 

"You've always had beautiful hair, red or blonde," you complimented Natasha as you finished. You moved to sit in front of her to check if you did okay from the front. There wasn't a response, but Natasha opened her eyes. They focused on you, looking at you as they traced over the features of your face. She was studying you apprehensively. 

Natasha lifted a hand, slowly reaching up as her fingers brushed the side of your face. It felt bumpy from the scars, but it made the back of your throat burn. 

"Am I really here?" Natasha mumbled as she then traced your cheek before your lips. "Am I really here with you?"

Your eyes were burning now. You couldn't even answer right away because you were afraid your lips would start trembling. 

You lifted your hand, hesitating at first, before you held her hand against your face. "Yeah, you're really here."

The edges of Natasha's eyes began to brim with tears. 

"When I jumped, I didn't die right away," Natasha whispered. "There was a feeling that something bad was going to happen. It didn't get me yet, but it was going to."

You couldn't help the tears that began to fall over the edge of your eyes when they overfilled. 

"Something bad happened to me," Natasha's lip trembled. "It's still happening to me."

You gripped her hand tighter unintentionally, but it was like it grounded Natasha. 

"I was scared," Natasha admitted. "I was scared that even if you came to me, it wouldn't go away."

Then, Natasha grabbed your hand and placed it against her cheek. It was still warm from the bath and blow dryer. 

"But I can feel your touch," Natasha sighed like it was a relief. "It's gentle and I feel human. I'm scared I'm not really here."

"You are."

Your throat felt clogged with raw emotions, and you didn't know what to do with it. You've only seen Natasha a handful of times, and maybe it's because the more you do, the more emotionally charged you both feel. 

"You're really here," you told Natasha, using your thumb to caress her cheek. You didn't know what else to say. 

All you can do is offer her shelter under your touch.

[toxicanonymity]

Hey Boo,

I've been seeing Joelkemons making the rounds being the best kind of dude to have around when you're crying.

Is Stepdad is having very strong feelings about all of this too? I imagine of Raider (LOML) and NW are being so soft with us, something in stepdad might respond to our hopelessly impotent rage.

I'd love to see how he reacts.

Boy howdy, tho, if I could slip into the brothel and have a big ol' Joel-pile, that shit would fix me all the way.

Thank you so much for everything you do and are.

I hope you're taking care of yourself too.

-- Cupquake <3

black tuesday

JOEL x f!READER | 1000 words

WARNINGS: 18+. Election Night. ANGST. Tears. Fears. This is intended to be a cathartic fic with some comfort but please don't read if it could be traumatic. Allusions to reproductive rights, etc. Reader is angry, esp. at men, takes it out on joel a little. Joel is supportive. Reader dacryphilia, brief smut. STEPDAD AU but you don't need to know it, and the stepcest doesn't come up.

NOTES: Sweet Cupquake, you're welcome and thank you for always being so supportive. Poor stepdad, he's normally the one needing comforting, isn't he? Yes, he has strong feelings about all this. This doesn't fit neatly in the AU timeline just roll with it. My brief post on the election is here. This will most likely be my only fic that overtly acknowledges the u.s. election. DO NOT INTERACT: TRUMP VOTERS, ANTI-CHOICE PEOPLE, MINORS.

You’re sitting on the floor of your apartment watching the news while Joel makes dinner and a huge mess in the kitchen. When the early votes are counted, we’ll see a lot more blue, they said. No, actually. Not really. You turn the volume way down so you can barely hear it. 

“Pasta’s ready,” Joel announces in a weak, sing-song voice. 

You remain on the floor. Your breathing is shallow, and it doesn’t feel real. 

Joel comes into the living room but doesn’t sit down. He stands with his arms crossed. His neck veins are bulging, his biceps are tense, his jaw clenches as he watches the screen. He’s pissed, he’s so angry watching this happen. He’s embarrassed to be a Texan. He thinks about all the women he knows. Embarrassed to be a man. 

He looks back and forth between the tv and you, and he sees your eyes are watery. He brings your glass of water from the kitchen, but you refuse it. He puts it down on the coffee table. Then, he picks up the remote control and turns off the tv. 

“Why’d you do that?” you snap. 

“It’s only makin’ ya sad,” Joel replies. “It’s still early, there’s time.” 

“Sad?? You think I’m sad?” Heat rises to your face. Your chest tightens.  

“Okay,” Joel acknowledges softly. “I can see you’re not just sad.” 

He sits down and tries to put his arm around you but you scoot over to face him. 

“All you men just go around blowing your loads everywhere and we’re the ones who have to deal with it, and you have the nerve to tell us how.” 

“I’d never tell you how to--you know that.”

“--I am so fucking tired of men talking.” 

“Sorry,” he mumbles, and sits quietly next to you for a minute. It’s hard knowing there’s nothing he can do or say, but he’s not going to leave you unless you tell him to. 

He clears his throat and asks softly, “Would anything make ya feel better?”

“Only waking up from this nightmare.”

“Yeah,” he acknowledges. 

“I don’t wanna feel better,” you begin to cry. “I want it to not happen….Like, is this real life?” 

None of it feels real. Months ago, people in stupid red hats were carrying around actual sperm cups. The highest-profile rapist in the country called himself the father of fertility, and crowds of people cheered. He said “mass deportation” and people cheered more. And then half the country voted for these sick, twisted buffoons. 

“You want some space?” Joel asks. 

“No,” you protest tearfully.

He hesitantly brushes the back of your neck with his thumb. This time, you let him put his arm around you. 

You whisper, “I can’t believe this is happening.” 

“Sweetheart, it ain’t over. We got time.” 

You shake your head no, ‘cause you can feel it in your gut. 

Joel sits in silence for a moment, and you can’t see it, but he’s tearing up because he can feel you burning and he’s powerless. 

He holds you and strokes your back while you bury your face in his chest. He discreetly checks his new york times app and tries not to react out loud- it’s only getting worse. 

After a few minutes of silence, he whispers your name, and you respond, “mm?”

“I’m sorry,” he chokes out. 

You look up to see his cheeks wet, his hair messy. Your heart swells with affection. Affection and… gratitude? God, the bar is in hell. But to be fair, you really love him. You’re grateful for the man he is, not the one he isn’t. 

Desire begins to stir in your chest.

Joel presses a kiss onto your forehead, then lifts your chin, and you look at each other. He brushes away a tear from your cheek. With his own cheeks still wet, he swallows, and the emotional bob of his Adam’s apple sends a rush of arousal to your core. You put your hand on the back of his neck and pull him toward you for a kiss. 

Affection and relief floods your body. It’s temporary, of course, but you let yourself have this. You let the nightmare fade into a spicy dream. 

You straddle him and he pulls you close and moans into your mouth. You kiss him desperately and feel him harden under you. He hesitates and mutters, “sorry,” trying to read the room. He pushes your thighs back, trying to put some distance between you and his hard-on. 

“Stop,” you reply, then latch onto his mouth again. He breaks away and says, “Just don’t want ya to feel like I–” 

“Shut up,” you tell him, then scoot yourself closer, your crotch firmly planted on the warm, stiffening shape in his sweatpants. You grind your hips into him. He kisses you back with increased fervor, and moans into your mouth. Kissing passionately, your loins throb warmly together and your hips move in rhythm. 

You reach between the two of you and slide your hand down his sweatpants. You palm his leaking manhood. Pressing it against his tummy, you gently move the skin on his shaft, and  He groans.

“Fuck,” he breathes, and thrusts against your hand. 

You stand up to urgently take off your pj pants. 

His man-guilt is still eating at him. Squeezing his aching hard shaft, he lets out a moan, then weakly offers, “Are you sure you wanna…”

In response, you straddle him, hot and dripping against his bare arousal.  You slide against him, throbbing and ready. Then, as you slide his tip to your entrance, you warn him, “Get it while it’s on the table.” You sink down on him and he shudders. Then he thrusts upward and moans as he bottoms out.  

“My legs’ll be closed for business soon,”  you explain. 

He closes his eyes and breathes deep as your body accommodates his.  “Fair enough,” he answers thoughtfully, then opens his eyes. “Wait. Even if my face is the customer?” 

------

------

-----

NOTES: I actually wrote three Stepdad things, and chronologically, this is no. 2 of 3. The others aren't posted yet. The first one is a standalone pregnancy scare, nothing about the election (would've been before it). And the second one is a post-election talk about contraception.

My brief post on the election is here.

Thank you for reading. Please remember to take care of yourselves <33

[bethelighthalazia]

Terrifying - Part 2

Summary:  Yunho feels horrible for scaring and hurting you, so he apologizes and promises to do everything to show you how important you are to him and how much he loves you.

Genre:  angst, fluff

Pairing: bf!Yunho X fem!reader

Word Count:  1753

Warnings: mentions of wounds/scratches, mentions of hurting, sad Yuyu, mentions of crying, insecure reader

networks: @mirohs-aurora-society

[note: thank you, @ja3hwa for helping me with finding a good ending paragraph <3]

© by bethelighthalazia. Do not repost, copy or translate. Unless stated otherwise, those works are mine and born from my own ideas. I don't have any claim on the mentioned real existing Idols whatsoever.

At the dorms, the others were around you the moment Mingi stepped through the main entrance. San took you out of Mingi´s arms, who then left again to check on Yunho while you were placed on the big sofa. Wooyoung had already grabbed blankets to cuddle up in the living room with you to watch any movie you want. It seems that Yunho had called the others, the second you and Mingi had left the apartment, to tell them what happened. 

“Y/n, could I check on your wounds please?” Seonghwa asked with a gentle voice, a first aid kit in his hand while he sat down on the sofa next to you. You nodded, wiping your face with one hand while holding your other arm out towards him. “Oh, you´re wearing the bracelet we got you!” A smile on Seonghwa´s face, he gently dabbed some disinfectant ointment on the scratches, causing you to wince ever so slightly every time. “Do- do you think he's mad at me now? I- I think I hurt his feelings…” You sniffled quietly, some new tears appearing in your eyes, but before Seonghwa could answer, you´re pulled into a tight hug by Wooyoung who shakes his head no. 

“He's more worried about you being mad at him, y/n.” Jongho said, carrying a bowl with your favorite snacks over to you. “Don´t worry, he loves you, that I am absolutely sure of.” 

When he put down the bowl, the maknae gave you a soft squeeze to the shoulder before then leaving the room, he didn't want you to possibly get overwhelmed with too many people around for now. Hongjoong also came over to the sofa and placed a kiss on top of your head, something he had done almost ever since you met the boys, because he sees you as his sister, and then whispered something to Seonghwa before leaving to go check on Yunho as well, knowing you're in the best hands.

Yeosang just stayed quiet, sitting on the other sofa and turning on the TV for you, knowing well which ones are your favorites to watch. Your head was now resting on Wooyoung´s shoulder, you felt your eyes getting heavy, but you didn't want to fall asleep yet, too scared that nightmares could haunt your dreams. “Woo? Why- why do you all seem so calm?” You asked after a few moments, frowning a bit when you realized that they are too calm for what happened. When Wooyoung exchanges looks with San, Seonghwa and Yeosang, you swallow hard. Is there something they don't want to tell you? A secret that they hide from you?

“Y/n, I think-” “That's something Yunho should tell you himself, y/nnie.” Mingi, who just entered the dorms again, cut off Seonghwa who was trying to answer you, but then the others just nod at Mingi´s words. When you heard his voice, your head perked up, accidentally hitting Wooyoung's chin slightly, your eyes wide. “Mingi, how-” “He is okay, Hongjoong hyung is with him now to help clean up your apartment. He sent me here to see how you feel and if you need anything.” Mingi hummed, coming over to sit on the floor right in front of the sofa. 

“I'm…okay?” With a raised eyebrow, Mingi looked at you, he could always tell if you´re telling the truth or not and often, he even knows better how you feel than you do yourself. With a little sigh, you shrugged, not even sure how exactly you feel. But you weren't in pain anymore, that is something you can say for sure.

“Really Mingi…I am not in pain or anything, I just-” “You´re confused, right?” Nodding, you fully focused on your best friend, Wooyoung laid an arm around you again to calm you down a bit. No one spoke for a while, just letting you relax and hopefully doze off a bit. It indeed almost worked, your eyes heavy while your head rested against Wooyoung´s shoulder and Mingi caressed your hands in a soothing manner, you almost fell asleep.

That is, until a jingle of keys, quiet voices and the sound of a door unlocking is heard. your head jerked up, again hitting Wooyoung´s chin, when you heard your boyfriend´s voice answering to Hongjoong. Mingi got to his feet almost instantly, staring at the entryway, where soon Hongjoong and Yunho appeared. “Hyung, are you-” “Everyone out, except for y/n, Mingi and Yunho.” Hongjoong said and, to everyone's surprise, the room actually cleared. The captain just patted Yunho ́s back gently before leaving as well, but you knew that he’d be just one room further, so he could intervene if needed.

While Mingi just stared at them, Yunho had only eyes for you, an expression like a beaten puppy on his face. You know that he's feeling horrible, knowing that Yunho is not the type of person to hurt others purposefully. Yet, your body flinched slightly when he took a step closer to the sofa, your movement causing him to freeze on the spot. Mingi sat down on the armchair nearby, just in case, but he didn't intervene at all. 

“Y/n, love I-” Yunho started, but then got quiet, not sure what he could say to undo his actions. “I know that nothing I say would make you forget that I hurt you…and I-” He took a deep breath, just standing in the middle of the room, not coming closer to you for now. “I would understand if you'd hate me and never want to see me anymore.” His voice got quieter with every word he spoke, you could see how hard it is to talk while knowing that you probably are scared of him now. “But please…could I try to explain? I won't try to make any excuses, because I know my behavior was absolutely unacceptable and no excuse or apology could undo it.”

With a short glance over to Mingi who gave a reassuring nod, you then nod as well, patting the free space on the sofa next to you. “O- okay…I have a question though…are you still mad at me?” You asked quietly, to which Yunho quickly took a few steps over to you to take your hand, just to then freeze when you flinch. “S- sorry, I didn't mean to scare you again-” He whispered, slowly kneeling down in front of you, taking your hand in his. “But please, y/nnie, my love, my heart, I could never be mad at you. I wasn't even upset with you earlier, but with myself and all the stress I had the last weeks…I tend to bottle it all up and sometimes it just bursts out of me. Usually I would come here and tell Mingi, then we would go to the gym or something, but this time, I didn't…and let it out on you.”

Yunho's voice broke, the thought of hurting you already let him get teary and his heart dropped. “B- before I asked you to be my girlfriend, I swore to myself to never have such an outburst near you…and now I even scarred you because of it-” Pulling his hands away, he sat on the back of his feet, still kneeling in front of you, his head dropped against his chest. He truly looked like a sad puppy and you would love to pull him into a soothing embrace, yet you cannot bring yourself to do so. Even though you knew that he meant every word, and that he would never purposefully hurt you, you cannot shake off the fear and the broken trust between the two of you.

“Yunho-” You whispered, his frame getting smaller as he curled into himself , almost slumping in front of you when you didn't use your usual nickname for him. This was what Yunho always had feared; to hurt you and to push you away from him. “I- I just…I still love you, but…but I also am scared. I trusted you with my life…but now? I don't- I don't know if I can trust you. So-” With another deep breath, you tried to steady your voice, tears again stinging in your eyes. “So please…give me time, okay? I love you…and I still want to be with you, but- but a trust that's broken like this…I don't know how long it might take to rebuild, but…but you will have to show me that I can trust you again…”

Yunho nodded silently, his mind racing. You still wanted to be with him, even though you knew that he would be capable of hurting you? His heart beat faster, with a quick movement, he wiped away his tears before looking up, he had no right to cry when he was the one who had hurt you. “I will do anything, jagiya. Everything to show you that you mean more to me than anything else.” He then said after a few moments of silence, his voice quiet but hopeful. “You are my everything, y/nnie, and I am so…so thankful that you give me this chance.”

You already knew that your heart forgave him the moment he called Mingi to get you out of the danger he might have gotten for you back then, proving already that he never wanted to hurt you in the first place. But, forgiving does not mean to immediately trust him again, both of you knew this. And both of you were ready to be patient. After a short glance around to reassure yourself that Mingi is still in the room with you two, you slowly moved, getting down from the sofa to hug Yunho, who's still kneeling in front of you. The hug felt awkward and you didn't keep this closeness for long, but when you whispered an “I love you, Yuyu” before leaning back, you could feel his heartbeat accelerate and a hopeful expression appeared on Yunho's face. 

“I love you, y/nnie. Thank you for letting me prove myself to you, even if I don't deserve your kindness after I hurt you like this…” You sat there in silence for a moment letting him say sorry over and over again, glancing at Mingi every now and then to make sure everything was okay. You knew this situation wasn't going to go away. And you knew he would stop at nothing to show you that you can trust him again. 

It was going to be a long road and Yunho was willing to travel down it. For you.

taglist: @mingis-mizu, @tinyelfperson, @hotteokkay, @minkilicious, @bunnliix,

@gong-fourz, @yeosangiess, @jayshoneybee, @dinossaurz, @scuzmunkie,

@en-happiness, @kibs-and-bits

(if you want to be added to a taglist, follow the taglist-link in my pinned post)

[wosoragebaiter69]

death is a funny thing

alexia putellas x fem!reader

prompt: alexia angst on 10/10 out of angst scale - for madres bday

A/N: happy birthday madre @greynatomy ! 🥳🥳 you are now stuck at the restaurant

i cried while making this. i dont cry while writing or reading fanfic.

TW: Death, hurt/no comfort, the thought of me not making a part 2 for this

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

2 weeks. That's what the doctor said. 2 weeks until you're dead and you soul is gone from the earth. How does one hold that infomation? How are they supposed to take it? It's not like anyone's alive to really tell you how to cope or react.

So, you sit in silence. Being taken back to the memories of playing football as a child, being in your national team for the first time. Playing for your senior team for the first time. That first kiss with Alexia which was unlike any you'd had before. The first time you'd told her you loved her, and how she immediately said it back.

All of it would come to an end.

You knew you should've been here weeks ago when you first started feeling off, but you weren't one to go a doctor when something felt bad. Just hoped it would go away unless you knew it was an injury that'd affect your career. The only reason you were in the room was because Alexia dragged you there.

What would have happened if she hadn't?

You stare at the wall in front of you, mind without thoughts. Just the shell of someone who used to be there. You feel bad for Alexia, how would she cope? You knew she had plans of proposing, you just didn't know when. That will all be a dream in only a fortnight.

How much will change by then? Will she push you out like she does with most others? Or will she hold you close, thinking that if she did you wouldn't leave her when you both know that won't happen.

When you do look at her, there's tears streaming down her face. Staining her shirt and falling onto the floor. The doctor leads you both out giving a form of all legal action needed before you die. Who to give your money to, how you want to be buried or cremated.

You wonder how they can say such news then proceed to hand papers while being devoid of any emotion. Maybe they've done it too many times to really feel.

- - - - -

Alexia drives home, eyes still leaking with tears. You're not quite sure how she's driving but you both make it home. You watch her mundane and robotic movements, until she's in the living room. That's her breaking point.

You immediately go to her, wrapping your arms around her without saying a word. This makes her sob harder.

"I can't live without you. Please no." Is all you hear over the sound of her breaking down.

"Alexia." You say, but she shakes her head.

"Alexia look at me." Again, it's no use.

"Ale please." She finally listens, looking up shaking as her lip wobbles.

"When I am gone, you will be sad yes but I trust you'll get over me. I trust you will be even better than you are now. You are the greatest woman I've ever met and you are the strongest. I will be with you here until the end and even when I'm not here physically..." You pause and touch her heart with your hand. "I'll always be with you here, remember that. And if heaven or the afterlife is real, I'll watch over you. I promise." You whisper resting your forehead against her own.

She whails into the evening, you cry along with her. Reality and the fear of death finally sinking deep into your bones. You will die. You can't be here forever.

- - - - -

The next day when training is supposed to be on is when you tell everyone at the club, sadness lingers in the air as you hug your friends. The ones who had become a new family for you. The young players like Salma and Vicky whom you'd baiscally 'adopted' when they joined the senior team. You consoled them along with Caroline (your best friend) the most. Those apart from Alexia being the ones you were always with.

It was decided a farewell dinner would be hosted. The last memories and last time to be with you.

- - - - -

Alexia wouldn't leave your side, you didn't want to leave hers either. The weight she'd carry on herself after this is too much for your own failing heart. You wanted to be with her for the rest of your life, and by that you meant grow old. Not die at 27.

The dinner was as much as anyone would expect it to be. Teary eyes and frowns painted on everyones face. The mourning had started before you left, and somehow that was even more painful.

Your will was mainly going to the football club, with no family left to give it to. Part of it went to investment in womens sports and some went to Alexia. You'd asked to be cremated, 1/3 of your ashes in the new Camp Nou, 1/3 of your ashes to be washed away by the heavy winds at the beach you loved so much, and a third to be with Alexia to do as she pleases. Whether to keep or give to people you held so close.

The end is near, it's relieving in a sense. That all this anxiety toward the date will just go. Everything for you will stop. But, you hate being the reason people are upset. All you'll leave is pain and anguish until one by one your friends heal. Alexia heals.

- - - - -

Today was the day, you're not sure how you know but you do. You wait with Alexia, remembering all good times. No words are said, she's trying to remember every detail in your face. Fearing the she'll forget you.

"Alexia." She takes a deep breath, nodding at you to continue.

"I love you, I love you in everyway possible. I love you in every universe. I love you to the moon and saturn. Never forget me, as I'll never forget you." You whisper, breath shaky as you feel yourself drifting away.

"I could never, forget you amor. You're safer wherever you are next. I love you. More than words could ever convey." Her voice breaks.

You don't want to leave her, why did it have to be like this?

She places her lips against yours one last time. Your eyes close, one last time.

—————————————————————————

well... no part 2. reader will not come back from the dead like melanie martinez

but last night i dreamt i kissed taylor swift so theres that

[fayes-fics]

When The World Is Free: Chapter 8 - Je N'en Connais Pas La Fin

MASTERPOST PREV | NEXT

Pairing: Benedict Bridgerton x fem!reader, WW2 AU.

Warnings: tiny dash of spice… making out, hands wandering. Light angst, emotions, late-night confessions.

Word Count: 2.3k

Author’s Note: Multi-chapter fic based on a request by the lovely @amillcitygirl. Please see the masterpost for a synopsis of this story. Please don't be mad at me about this - I could not go with the cliche of wedding night. These idiots just need one more night to get their sh*t together. Sorry, and yes, as penance, Chapter 9 will be posted very soon. Thanks to @colettebronte for beta reading. Enjoy!

Montivilliers (just outside Le Havre), September 1939 

A nervous energy ripples through your limbs as the four others leave, traipsing across the garden to the neighbouring cottage, leaving you and your new husband alone. Still waving awkwardly from the patio as they all disappear from view. A chill passes through you, just noticing how cold the night air is, autumn drawing in and without the warmth of Benedict holding you in some way, as he has been the past few hours. You startle slightly as he interrupts your reverie by chivalrously wrapping the faux fur stole around your shoulders.

“It’s my something borrowed,” you blurt, unsure what else to say.

“Eloise?”

You just nod, too nervous all of a sudden to look up at him.

“Let’s get inside,” he suggests, observing even the extra layer does not halt your shiver, gesturing to the kitchen door.

You walk awkwardly past, catching a whiff of his delicious scent that you woke up to this morning, the involuntary urge to sway into him intense.

You drift to the living room, Benedict wandering to the gramophone, putting on a mellow jazz record before taking a seat; part of you sad he chooses the armchair, not the sofa beside you. 

“Well… that was a day,” he understates in his usual affable manner.

“I don’t know how I can ever thank you,” you respond earnestly, looking down at the simple band on your finger by reflex. “It’s all thanks to you that I have a chance to escape while I still can.”

“You would have done the same for me,” he demures with a quiet certainty that makes you yearn to touch him. 

Instead, you exchange slightly awkward smiles, the mantlepiece clock ticking sounding so loud, even with the music playing.

“And I'm sure you will get home one day,” he assures. “Your family, I'm certain, miss you… and... And your fiancee,” the reluctance in his words evident.

“I’m not sure a married woman can have a fiancé anymore,” you remark; the lash of guilt every time Stanley’s name is invoked lessening with every moment you spend alone with Benedict.

“You can once you are a single woman again, as soon as you are safe,” he counters softly, so altruistic in his manner your throat almost itching with unspent words—a want to yell. No! Fight for me! I want you more than I ever will want him!!

“You yourself said on the train that perhaps there is something better out there for me,” you respond cautiously. “The longer this adventure runs, the more certain I am of that.”

His mien is profound as you finally raise your eyes to his, wanting so much to say more but feeling too tongue-tied and cowardly to be that selfish, to declare he is what you want. 

He shakes himself a little and leans back into the armchair as if resetting himself and the line of conversation. Like he senses the mutual danger lurking there.

“Tomorrow, when we sail… they will likely notice the date on our marriage certificate,” Benedict counsels gently. “That may raise flags about the authenticity of our union.”

“What can we do to assuage them?”

“Come up with a plausible story. Be physically affectionate. They may ask no questions, or they may ask as many as they wish,” he warns, “especially of you. They may ask you about…” Benedict pauses, his face flushing a little, “… intimate matters. They have every right to ask if the marriage has been consummated.”

You feel yourself flashing hot as he says it. “I should lie?” you whisper.

“You should say whatever you think will make them believe we are a real couple,” he obfuscates.

“I’m a terrible liar…” you confess, blushing when you realise your words could be interpreted as an invitation to be intimate. And on this, your wedding night. 

His gaze is heavy. “You can do it y/n. Your freedom and safety may depend on your ability to convince them you love me... And I you.”

I think I might, your mind screams.

“I know… I… think I can do it,” you falter, replaying every kiss you have shared. “We seem to have done a great job convincing Jerome and Marie…”

“They are not looking to see artifice,” he counters. “British soldiers will be.”

“Sh… should we practice?” It’s out of your mouth before you can stop it, champagne again taking your tongue, a deep flush spreading over your skin as you realise it.

“Y… yes, I think maybe we should,” he agrees very quickly. 

He stands somewhat awkward, peeling off his jacket and rolling up his shirt sleeves, leaving his waistcoat. You find yourself again mesmerised by him, as you were that night in Paris, wanting to run your hands over the flex in his arm muscles. In fact, you are so distracted you don’t even realise he is proffering you a hand out of the chair. You spring up to your feet without his help, the idea of touching him right now entirely too distracting, which seems to amuse him briefly before his expression turns sincere.

“We have kissed, but not as lovers, as married people would. We... we may need to do so, casually, of course, within sight of those allowing boarding,” he opines, even as your heart speeds up, realising what he is saying.

“You think we need to… practice more kissing? Now?” you are mildly annoyed by how stupefied you sound.

“Yes,” he confirms, drawing closer, “passionate, real kissing.”

You are looking up into blue eyes and a gorgeous face as fingertips loop around your wrist as if checking your pulse.

“Grab my wrist if you want me to stop,” he tutors softly, so gentlemanly in his approach, even as you fret that he can feel your heart rate hammering hard in your veins.

Once again, time is in slow motion as his lips descend. At first, the kiss is breathtaking but still chaste, like previously. But then there is a noise in the back of his throat that makes the hairs on the nape of your neck stand on end; his lips part yours, a wave of damp heat as the kiss deepens. His tongue swipes yours tentatively, a tease before you mirror his moves. He tastes of champagne and something else that is entirely him, an impulse to bite the inside of his cheek. And then it’s abruptly fervent, wanton - like a dam has broken - his hands gripping the crest of your hip bones, each finger an insistent dig into your flesh.

Finally, given the permission, you don't hold back. Pushing into him, one hand grasping the buckled loop at the back of his waistcoat that cinches it to his slim form, the other winding around his sturdy neck, encouraging him to lean down further, take from you. The kiss seems never-ending, a rolling wave of to and fro, a dance not unlike the one in the square just last night. Those fireworks still explode, but this time, it feels like those ones that are so powerful they knock a punch to your solar plexus, a ricochet you feel physically,

His hands slide up your back, a sensual drag that makes you moan into his mouth, a noise he greedily swallows. But he stops as they reach the faux fur wrapped around your shoulders and reluctantly breaks the kiss.

“Please, take this off,” he implores, “I cannot do this with you wearing my sister's clothing,” he points out with a cringe that creases his face charmingly.

Your responding giggle causes him to break into a lopsided grin, and wordlessly, you untie it as he watches, pupils blown. When you push it back off your shoulders, it hits the rug behind you with a soft whump, and your instinct takes over, rocking onto your tiptoes, one hand sliding into the lush hair at the back of his head and bringing his face back to yours. 

The minute your mouth opens to his, you are heavy and weightless all at once, not unlike that wooden roller coaster on Coney Island that made you see stars. Your nails flex on his scalp as his hands slide over your dress, looping low around your hips, tugging you snugly into his body as your tongues tangle. 

This.

This must be what the girls whisper about—a tart metallic boiling in your blood, a heavy tug deep inside your pelvis that needs relief. A wanting so physical it almost hurts, a hunger that makes you feel reckless, liable to behaviour you could never justify, a pure carnal caprice. But all too soon, he is pulling back, a need to breathe, even as he does so inches from your face, his eyes locked on yours as they flutter open.

“Again,” you murmur, uncaring how gossamer thin your excuse is, just wanting more. 

His eyes are glittering as he complies. Kissing like a wild storm now, hands hot through the thin, cool silk fabric. And you cannot stop the noises you make, shameless and breathy, right into his open, wet, questing mouth. Pressing hard against his body, a solid warmth in his trousers promising things you need so badly you crave to curl around him, open yourself to him. 

You have never felt this before. A tingle under your scalp that vibrates all the way down to your toes. A want to take and be taken. To bite and be bitten. To ride and be ridden. For him to rip your dress from your body and throw you onto the sofa—a yen that feels not entirely human and definitely not civilised.

It's like he senses your thoughts have slid somewhere wild, or perhaps his have too, as when he pulls back, he is panting, and there is a quaking in his entire being like he is crackling with energy.

“Please. Go.” His voice is ragged, deep, almost wrecked. “Please. I… I can’t do this anymore,” his voice cracks a look that is at once hungry, aching, and barely contained restraint.

Please don't be a gentleman now, Benedict. Please. No. God. Not now. Don’t.

“I’m s…sorry,” you stutter, feeling guilty you have pushed it too far but utterly unmoored by the searing passion and the sting of his rejection, albeit reluctant. 

Even you can see the war in his being, physical desire being muzzled by the gentleman he was clearly raised to be. Knowing if you stand here much longer, something will happen that one or both of you will regret. Your wedding ring seems to burn your skin as you turn around and shrink away, leaving the room, not daring to look back, knowing he has also turned away with ragged breaths.

As you climb the stairs, feet feeling leaden, your body in utter turmoil, you hear the discordant scratch of the gramophone being halted. You undress in a daze, swearing you can still feel the heat of his handprints through the silk of your dress. Climbing into the bed approaching numb, champagne swirling unease in your gut with all the rich foods, an oily disquiet that means it takes ages to settle.  

You lay there fitfully for what feels like hours, tossing and turning, picking over the minutiae of every moment with Benedict - tonight and all the nights and days before. Seeing possible signs that make your heart clench. 

Could it be that he is not doing this all for show? 

It's a seizing thought that catalyses your body: it has you up on your feet and rushing down the stairs in your nightgown, breathless and stumbling. But when you round the corner into the living room, all your courage to declare it is sapped by the sight of Benedict sleeping, curled slightly, looking smaller somehow, his back turned to you, face buried into the back cushion of the sofa.

Instead, you back away, padding to the kitchen to take a glass of water, hoping the hydration will stave off the worst of a hangover; the water is a relief to the tumultuous, racing feeling as you stand on the large slab of earthen tile gleaming in the moonlight, cold underfoot. You pour another glass for him without thought.

Tiptoeing back into the living room, careful not to wake him, you crouch beside him to leave the glass of water within easy sight and reach should he stir. But you find yourself unable to leave without saying something. The temptation to confess to his unconscious self is impossible to resist, the grip on your own glass so tight.

“I’ll never be able to repay you,” you murmur to his back, fingers itching to trace over the bare skin of his shoulder blades where they peak out of the blanket. “For this unbelievable act of kindness and generosity. And yet… god, this is so selfish,” you flick your eyes up to the ceiling to stem a tear you feel gathering, “… still I’m greedy. Always wanting more. Wanting…. Wanting to never return to my old life. Wanting to run away. Wanting this… Wanting this to be real.” 

The last phrase is barely audible, but still, you are instantly horrified that you confessed it out loud, even to his unconscious, sleeping frame. And you know you must leave.

God, what is wrong with me? What is this? Temporary insanity? Too much alcohol, a fake wedding and an impending war are not a good recipe…

It’s a silent internal lament as you stand up and withdraw, self-chastisement echoing so loud in your head. And yet, you can't resist a parting sentence from the doorway.

“Goodnight, Benedict, you are truly the very best of men...”

—

What you don’t see as you slowly climb back up the creaking wooden stairs is Benedict’s eyes blazing open, a look of utter astonishment claiming his face as he twists around and stares at the doorway you left by, his chest rising and falling rapidly.

He was never asleep.

And he heard every single word.

Benedict taglist: @foreverlonginguniverse @aintnuthinbutahounddog @severewobblerlightdragon @writergirl-2001 @heeyyyou @enichole445 @enchantedbytomandhenry @ambitionspassionscoffee @chaoticcalzoneranchsports @nikaprincessofkattegat @baebee35 @crowleysqueenofhell @fiction-is-life @lilacbeesworld @broooookiecrisp @queen-of-the-misfit-toys @eleanor-bradstreet @divaanya @musicismyoxygen84 @benedictspaintbrush @miindfucked @sorryallonsy @cayt0123 @hottytoddyhistory @truly-dionysus @fictionalmenloversblog @zinzysstuff @malpalgalz @panhoeofmanyfandoms @kinokomoonshine @causeimissu @delehosies @m-rae23 @last-sheep @kmc1989 @desert-fern @starkeylover @corpseoftrees-queen @magical-spit @bunnyweasley23 @how-many-stars-in-the-sky @amygdtjhddzvb @sya-skies @balladynaaa

[wandanatsbaby]

The Betrayal

Pairing: Wanda Maximoff x reader Warnings: Angst? Not a good ending but there will be a second part

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

You wanted to trust her. You really did. But everytime you looked at her all you saw and thought about was the betrayal.

It was the night of your 15th birthday. Pietro had always been faster then both of you so he went out to go gather some food while wanda did her best to clean up the old little apartment that some lady rent you all. You watched Wanda walk around and mutter to herself as she cleaned various things. You had offered to help her but she declined everytime saying “Its your birthday you need to rest.” 

When Pietro had gotten back he brought more food than you all needed. You questioned it but he brushed it off and you believed him not noticing the sad look the twins gave each other. The night was wonderful and you had the best birthday. Wanda your crush since you were little had even confessed and kissed you. You didnt think things could get any better. 

Later that night wanda dragged you to your shared room and you both made love to each other all night. She held you close and whispered how much she loved you into your ear while silent tears fell down her face.

The next morning when you woke up you were alone. You searched the whole house but couldn’t find the twins anywhere. And when you made it to the kitchen you found a single sticky note stuck to the fridge.

My Detka,

Im so sorry we did this. But me and Pietro had to leave. I am not allowed to tell you where due to reasons but just know were safe. 

We didn’t want to leave you but we had to. You don’t need to be brought into the life were going to be living. 

Last night was the best night of my life. I hope you know I meant it when I said I love you. 

Pietro made sure there was plenty of food in the fridge to last you about a week. And I arranged for someone to bring you food everyweek after. 

You’ll be okay. We are still looking after you. Just stay with the apartment. 

We’ll see each other again

Wanda

You spent the day sobbing as you immediately threw the sticky note away and packed your stuff. You didn’t want to be in this apartment anymore. You felt disgusting and used. 

Once all your stuff was packed you immediately left. You had connections that would help you get out of this city and hopefully this country. 

Thats how you ended up joining the avengers. Your connection had gotten you a flight to America more specifically New York. Natasha Romanoff was the one that had brought you in.

She had caught you attempting to steal from her and when she went to confront you, you punched her. You both spent about 20 minutes fighting each other.

You weren’t sure what she saw in you but she brought you back to the avengers tower and you had quickly found your new home.

The battle of Ultron was when you saw the twins again. They were working with him and had powers. You remembering first seeing Wanda. The way her face went from shocked to angry when seeing you with them.

You were the first one that she used her magic on. She had made you relieve not only the day they left you but the night before and the day the bombs hit. Steve had to carry you onto the quinjet and sat you next to Natasha who was also out of it. 

When the battle was over and Pietro being dead Wanda had joined the avengers team. You stayed away from her as much as possible. She tried talking to you multiple times but you always would just walk away.

You refused the dinners she would make, refused to train with her, and even refused to go on missions with her. 

Thats what lead you here to being trapped up against a corner with Wanda looking angrily down at you. You refused to meet her eyes and instead looked at you hands.

“Y/n look at me!” she yelled as her hand hit the wall beside your head causing you to flinch. Noticing this she took a deep breath to calm herself. “Detka please. I just want to talk.” 

Slowly you moved your head up to look at her. “You left. You and Pietro left me. You left me alone.” You stated quietly as you looked at her. She frowned but nodded.

“I know we did. But we had someone looking after you. Did you not get the food?” She asked worriedly trying not to imagine you starving in that small apartment.

“I left. I couldn’t stay there after you had… I couldnt.” You looked away again not wanting to look at the witch anymore. 

Slowly she brought her hand up to your face and rubbed your cheek.

“Lyubov Im so sorry we left you. We should have stayed. I should have stayed. I will spend the rest of my life making it up to you. But please stop pushing me away.” You look back up at her with tears in your eyes. 

“Please just leave me alone” You begged the girl as the tears ran down your cheeks. “I can’t look at you without remembering that or when you put those memories back into my head. I can’t sleep at night knowing that you were okay with doing that to me. So please. Just leave me alone.” You quickly pushed past her as she was distracted and ran off to your room. You hopped she would listen to you.

Wanda on the other hand was devastated. How could you tell her to leave you alone? She loved you and she wanted to be with you. She knew you loved her to and she was going to do everything in her power to have you back. You were made for each other. She saw it when she touched the scepter. She saw the life you would both live together. You were hers.

[lihhelsing]

I hate you (don't leave me)

Written (belatedly) for the last day of @steddieangstyaugust

Day 31: "I'm not going to beg you to love me." CW: Angst. Unhappy Ending. Post break-up Steddie. Steddie | Angst | T&Up | 700 words

(Listen, I was in a mood of writing something sad for the sake of it and that's what I did. Don't say I didn't warn you)

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Eddie couldn't stay. He knew that. Robin had informed him of that when she told him he could come. 

"You can come. But you absolutely cannot stay," she said on a static filled call at three am. 

Eddie was desperate when he called her. He was at a party and had to find the closest phone. He dialed the only number he knew by heart hoping he would pick up, but he got Robin instead.

It figured, her being there. 

"Thank you," he said to her but she had just hung up on him. 

And now he was here. In Steve's living room, watching him as he tried his hardest not to cry. It made Eddie's insides twist.

"Will you stay?" Steve asked, voice so fucking small it punched a hole in his chest. 

"I..." Eddie started, voice faltering. "I can't stay, Stevie. I'm sorry." 

Steve's face fell and Eddie knew what it came after. The anger. The rage. 

"Fuck you. You can't just show up here whenever and keep breaking my heart," he spitted and Eddie flinched.

"I know. I'm sorry. I just needed to get the rest of my shit so I can leave you alone for good." 

Steve let out a mean laugh. If he had set his things on fire, Eddie wouldn't blame him. 

Leaving Steve had been the hardest thing Eddie had ever done. He didn't want to, but it was his only shot. His chance at finally making it. 

And he needed to make it. He needed to have something that he could call his, otherwise he would just resent him forever. 

And then, they wouldn't make it. 

But he thought... he hoped Steve would understand. Eddie wasn't saying that they would never be together again, just that he needed to do this for him.

Just this one thing.

It was safe to say Steve didn't take it very well. It was a nasty fight. One that ended with Steve throwing Eddie's things on the street, right along with him.

It ended with so much heartbreak Eddie was still recovering. And it ended with them, standing in front of each other with nothing to say. 

"Stevie, I'm really sorry," Eddie said and he could feel the void taking over. He could feel Steve checking out of their conversation because he was done. He was done with Eddie for good.

"You're not. You made a decision and you didn't consult me on that. And that's fine, Eddie. It really is. I don't know how many times I can keep telling you this." 

"It's not fine," Eddie said, trying for something even if he didn't know what. Steve was angry and upset, and it was all Eddie's fault.

"No. It's not. But the time to be sad about it has passed and I'm done being sad about you. But please, stop apologizing just because you want to feel better about yourself." 

Was that what he was trying to do? He was sorry. Maybe he could've handled things a little better. But he couldn't possibly ask Steve to leave his life behind so Eddie could follow a dumb dream. Steve had so many people that counted on him. That loved him. 

"It's ok if you don't believe me," he said, sighing. This was a lost battle, and he knew it. "But I am sorry. The last thing I wanted was to hurt you." 

Steve's eyes sparked with something different and scary and Eddie knew he had crossed a line. 

"Funny you say that. You did hurt me but not because you left. Just because you let me believe you loved me. And I know... Listen, Eddie. I'm not going to beg you to love me. And it's fine that you don't. Just... leave." 

Eddie wanted to argue. He wanted to take Steve's face in his hands and he wanted to tell him just how much he loved him. How that was as far from the problem as it could be. But Steve seemed so fragile right now that Eddie wasn't sure that was the right move. 

In fact, he knew it wasn't. Steve was used to people leaving. And he already accepted Eddie was going to leave because he didn't love him and he knew there was nothing he could do to change that. Not right now. Not without starting a war with Buckley. 

So he nodded, feeling his heart shattering to pieces inside of him as he walked away from Steve. For good. 

[guardarecheluna]

I know you’d never leave me behind, but i am lost this time.

Words: 5K

Warnings: Fluff, Angst (Arguments, miscommunication, anxiety.)

Summary: Harry has never been an anxious person before having his daughter. And bursting through the baby bubble, leaving the safety of home behind was more difficult than expected; way more difficult than expected.

“She’s just over a week old, and you’re insane if you think we’re taking her to see my family. She could get really sick, so tell me, what is it that you don’t understand?”

Harry’s harsh tone was resonating in Y/N’s system as she looked up at him from her place on the sofa. Harry was holding their newborn in his strong arms, her little head perfectly supported in the crook of his arm. And even with his frustration spilling out on Y/N, he was gently swinging side to side, to keep little Elida calm and happy. Y/N swallowed harshly and bit her tongue, not wanting to upset him further or wake up their sleepy baby.

Anne had been terrorising the new family with calls every day since the birth of Elida. She didn’t mean no harm, they knew, but she had been asking to come meet her grandbaby. However, Harry and Y/N were in agreement that they wanted the first week on their own, no visitors unless wanted, just to get settled into being a new family and spend time in the baby bubble. It had now been over a week, and without thinking much about it, Y/N had agreed to travel up to see Anne, from London, without talking to Harry first. She figured it would be fine, they had only discussed a week, Y/N had been feeling better and better since the birth, and Elida was getting used to her life out of the sac nicely. Y/N was also desperate to get out of the house at this point, to see another face, and show off the new family member. Y/N just didn’t expect hell to break loose when she mentioned it to Harry.

“I can’t believe you’re not thinking about Elida, she’s so little, and they’re going to be all over her with their germs. It’s our baby, they can wait for a few more weeks.” Harry continued on, Y/N have barely stuttered a word in response to his words. She had no idea that agreeing to come see Anne the next day would cause such a stir in him.

“Harry, settle down, please, let’s just talk.” Y/N tried carefully, with a gentle tone. She knew that Harry’s baby anxiety had been hitting him hard. Although they both expected to feel some anxiety around their new life as parents, Harry’s been off the charts in the past few days. He looked livid, dark circles under his eyes and some spit up on his ripped Pink Floyd t-shirt.

“No, I will not back down on this, because you obviously don’t understand.” He said, now pacing around between the sofa and their living room windows. That was the final straw for Y/N. She had been understanding, gentle, and comforting with him although she was also feeling all of these new feelings surrounding their baby, plus she had just given birth. She was tired, and she was sore. Y/N stood up with a blank expression, facing him. “I would think very carefully of how you speak to me, don’t act like I’m clueless. Talk to me about what you’re feeling instead of speaking in code. Cause I’m not buying it, I will not allow you to talk to me like that.” She said harshly, a wrinkle between her brows and eyes glazing over. Harry’s face softened for a moment, before hardening up again. “I’m going to have a shower, and you’re going to call your mother and tell her we’re not coming.” Y/N continued, walking towards the stairs, in direction of their bathroom.

She honestly couldn’t tell if she was sad or angry; if she was hurt or offended. But she got in the shower anyway, trying to think of anything, anything but Harry being that angry with her. She just wished that she knew what was going on in Harry’s head.

Harry could feel the anxiety rising in his chest. A nauseous, tight feeling climing up his throat. He knew he messed up the second he saw her eyes become teary. He wasn’t really angry, not at all, and especially not with Y/N. He needed her more than ever, and she, him. However, with all these new feelings, and trying to take care of Elida; constant nappy changes, tummy massages, lullabies and changing of clothes, - he felt himself slipping. All the anxiety he was feeling just came out as anger, and Y/N shouldn’t have to take the heat of it.

The thing is, he is constantly worried for Elida. Has she gotten enough milk? Is she comfortable? Too hot? Too cold? Is her tummy aching? Is she breathing alright?

Harry had spent most of Y/N’s pregnancy on family forums and reading parenting books, trying to learn anything and everything. At the end, it all got too overwhelming, hearing scary stories from other parents of what not to do, and in result, he could barely put Elida down in another room without his head spinning with anxiety.

It was hard. Harry had experienced his fair share of anxiety earlier in his life, but never like what he was feeling right now, having another little soul to love and protect.

Immediately when Y/N had left for her shower, it was like he snapped out of the haze, and all came crashing down. He really needed to talk to her before he completely fell apart.

Harry went after Y/N, up the stairs as he heard her turn the shower on. Elida was sleeping heavy in his arms and against his own will and father-instinct he gently put her down in her little bed-side crib on Y/N’s side of the bed. He brought the monitor next to her and took his phone out so he could keep an eye on her, and went after Y/N. He would be just 6 metres away from her, and keeping an eye on her constantly. It would be okay, he told himself as he put the phone monitor next to the sink and started to strip out of his clothing. Y/N barely glanced at him when he got in, not saying a word. The ball was in his court, he was the asshole this time around, she figured. “I’m sorry, pet, I shouldn’t have taken that tone with you.” Harry tried, as he came up behind her, placing his calloused, shaky hands on her hips. “No, you shouldn’t have.” She replied quietly. It wasn’t that she was trying to act pissed, it was just that she wanted him to take action. “I’ve been meaning to talk to you, about how it’s been the past week, it’s been hard, and I know I haven’t made it easier for you.” Harry continued, gently leaning his forehead to the back of her head. That struck an icy pain through Y/N’s heart. He had made it so much better, and she let him know. “Hey,” Y/N said as she turned around in his embrace. “You have been making it easier for all of us, I know it’s a hard transition, I just…I just want to know what’s going on with you, because you haven’t been yourself lately and it’s worrying me. All I’m asking is that you tell me how you’re doing.” Y/N raised both her arms, and put her hands in Harry’s curls, massaging the back of his head under the hot stream of water. Harry let out a big sigh, trying to relax. “I’ve just, I’ve been so anxious, all the time. I’m worried about her all the time and it’s eating me alive. And you’re the best mama, I’m never worried about her when she’s with you, it’s not that at all, it’s just that I can’t seem to stop worrying. She’s so tiny, and it scares me how far I’d go to know that she’s okay.” He let out, not looking in her eyes, almost like he was ashamed of admitting it. “You know what that tells me?” Y/N then said, and now Harry’s eyes met hers, curious, like a child about what she was going to say next. He shook his head quietly, nudging her to go on. “That you’re the best daddy out there. It’s your job to worry about her, yes, but we can’t possibly do everything. She’s safe with you, she’s safe with us, and we will know what’s best for her. I just think you need to go easy on yourself, tell me how you’re feeling, and we’ll figure it out. We’re a team, and I’m not going anywhere.” Y/N said to him, slowly and with intent, to really make sure that her words got to him.

“Y-Yeah.” Harry replied. “I’m sorry, it’s just overwhelming. I know it’ll get better soon, but she’s just so little I don’t know how-“He interrupted himself, sobs crawling up his throat, his head landing on Y/N’s shoulder. He felt completely vulnerable and safe with her. And for a moment, he thought that he wouldn’t want to do this with another person on the planet.

A few hours later in the day, Y/N got some energy back in her system. The days felt all jumbled together, and the parents could barely tell day from night between the constant cycle of changing Elida, feeding her, naps and keeping her somewhat entertained in her awake window.

Y/N decided that she was going to do some baking, maybe some bread to bring to Anne’s the next day. Harry was laying flat on the couch, having some skin to skin with Elida as she was drooling on his chest, producing those sweet baby noises that Harry loved. He could look at Elida for days, just in awe of what him and the love of his life had created together. She was perfect. Harry could almost feel himself dose off on the sofa, to the soft sound of Y/N’s music coming from the kitchen. He was sure he was in heaven right now.

“Tesoro?” Y/N called to him from the kitchen with a gentle voice, snapping him out of his daydream. “Yes, m’love?” He replied, not letting his gaze drift from Elidas little face. “Do you think your mom would prefer focaccia or baguettes?” Harry’s blood turned cold at the reminder of them going to see his family. They hadn’t really talked about the fact if they were going or not, just why he was feeling the way that he was. The issue now is that he still didn’t want to go, his intuition still telling him that it was too soon. He knows he couldn’t turn to anger like he did last time, so he had to try and be more diplomatic, even though all he wanted was to hide Elida away for another month at least.

“Darling, like i said earlier, I’m not sure we should, can’t we just wait like another week? I feel like it’s all wrong exposing her to new people this early.” Harry said, craning his neck to see Y/N stood leaning against the doorpost to the kitchen. Her face unreadable, straight, as she calmly said, “Call your mom.” Before pushing of the doorframe and continuing her mission in the kitchen. Harry sighed, what was he even supposed to say his own mom whom he didn’t want to see right now? Harry got up from the sofa, stepping into their bedroom and putting the awake Elida on the bed in front of him, pulling his phone out to call his mother.

Let’s just say that Anne put some sense into him. He told her about how hard it had been, how the new parent anxiety was eating him alive, and she understood, of course she did. He should’ve called her earlier. They had come to a compromise that it was just going to be Anne and Gemma, no other friends or family, and that if the new parents didn’t feel comfortable yet, Gemma and Anne would have to be satisfied with just admiring new addition to the family from afar, not yet holding her. That felt okay for Harry, that meant that he and Y/N still had some control over the situation. Harry gulped, once again picking up Elida. “C’mere my little love.” He whispered happily to her, putting her in a sling on his chest. Wrapping her up safely, making sure to tie an extra knot so that she would stay put. Elida let out a big yawn as she settled against Harry’s warm, safe chest. Harry’s lips just about reaching her soft head if he leaned down slightly. Harry felt like a weight had been lifted from his chest after the conversation with Anne. Harry took a deep breath as he ascended the stairs down to their kitchen, hand spreading over Elidas small back to keep him grounded. Y/N turned around and looked at him with expectation in her eyes, a slight, gentle smile on her face. “I talked to mum, we came to a compromise, so…” Harry breathed out. “It’ll be okay, yeah? I’m sorry I’ve been stressing about everything; I feel like I’m going insane sometimes.” He continues. Y/N walked up to Harry, sandwiching Elida between them. Y/N leaned down to out a kiss on Elidas head, and then one on Harry’s lips. “You’re not insane. You’re a good father, I told you earlier. I’m convinced it’ll be okay. What did your mum say?” Y/N reassured him, taking his hand and pulling him over to their dining table to sit down.

Being parent to a newborn is never easy, and nobody has ever claimed it to be. Harry, however, was a natural. And it may have something to do with all those books and forums he consumed during Y/N’s pregnancy, but some things seemed to just come naturally to him, while Y/N sometimes stood on the sidelines, not sure what to do. Harry truly is her rock, and she is his.

They spoke that evening about the next day, dread and excitement filling them at the same time. The couple wanted to have some boundaries, even for family. It made them feel safe, and feeling safe and being careful put their minds at ease while trying to figure things out.

Harry’s eyes were focused on the road with an icy grip on the steering wheel. He was a safe driver before having Elida, but now he was extra safe, not making a single risky turn or change of lane as they made their way to Manchester. Y/N was in the back, strapped in the middle seat, so she could be next to Elida.

They had found out day 2 with Elida that she loved car rides. She would instantly calm down when they drove off from the hospital, despite being uncomfortable in her car seat. They figured it was the whooshing-sound of the wind against the car, and decided there and then to invest in a white noise machine for her.

Y/N looked at Harry through the mirror. He had that little worry-wrinkle between his eyebrows as he focused on the road. Sometimes he’d glance at the pair in the back and his gaze would soften. This time he made eye contact with Y/N. “Penny for your thoughts?” Y/N said to him, leaning forward, her cheek against his bicep as he leaned into her touch slightly. “I’m excited to show her off. But I’m nervous about mum and Gemma not respecting our boundaries.” Harry could feel her nod against his arm, placing a soft kiss where her cheek was as she leaned back in her seat. “I know it’s nervous, but you were really brave telling your mum yesterday about your worries, and I’m sure she’ll respect them, she’s a parent too, you know. And if they don’t remember, we’ll remind them. It’ll be alright.” She said calmly, looking at him though the mirror of the car. Harry hadn’t even thought about that before. His mum is his mum. She was also a new parent once, she’s gone through this exact thing, twice actually. Just the thought of that made Harry feel instantly calmer. “And how are you feeling, lover?” Harry bounced back. Y/N thought for a second, glancing over at Elida and then to Harry. “I’m so proud I could burst. We’ve made a perfect little girl, and I can’t wait to show her off. And I can’t wait to show off my more than capable baby-daddy.” She laughed and squeezed his bicep jokingly. Harry chuckled, nodded. “I’m so proud, too.”

Harry let out a sigh of relief as he parked in his mum’s driveway. They had made it there safe and sound, and with only one pitstop to get some air and a coffee. They had barely opened the door of the car as Anne came towards them on the driveway. “My loves, oh my goodness.” Her eyes were filled with happy tears, taking Y/N instantly in her arms and hugging her tight. “Darling! How are you, are you recovering well? You look stunning, Ah I can’t believe you’re here.” She blabbered as Y/N lightly laughed at her erratic behaviour. “I’m well, Anne, it’s been a lot, but Harry’s been taking care of me.” And at the mention of Harry’s name, Anne turned to him, and with wide stretched arms embraced her son. “Hi mum” Harry said quietly into her hair. Y/N knew he had missed her, he was such a mummy’s boy. “My son, who’s now a father of a little girl. I can’t believe it.” Anne continued, with Harry’s face in her hands, pinching his cheeks and putting his wild hair back in place.

You could tell that Harry was gleaming with pride, constantly between laughter and tears at the rush of emotions. He could barely imagine her reaction when she’d get a look at his daughter.

Harry could see Y/N on the other side of the car, just about to grab the car seat, as he rushed to her side. “Careful, lover, you’re not supposed to carry too heavy, I’ve got her.” He said in a quiet voice, a comforting hand on the small of Y/N’s back. Y/N nodded, instead grabbing the diaper bag from the trunk.

Anne rounded the car after them, looking for the little face buried in the blanket of the car seat. As soon as Anne caught a glimpse of Elida, she gasped. She had seen plenty of pictures, of course, and she’s seen her though facetime, but seeing her grandchild for the first time in front of her made the tears fall from her eyes. She put a hand over her heart. “Oh my goodness, she’s precious. She’s even smaller than I imagined!” Harry held the car seat in front of his mother with a puff of pride in his chest, the anxiety has since long left his body, and Anne seemed to keep her distance, as they’d wished. “Alright mum, let’s head inside, yeah? No crying in the streets.”

Harry was light on his feet as they stepped inside, it was always nice to be home, Anne’s house always warm and welcoming. Elida was starting to move and making unhappy little noises to alert her parents to her discomfort. Harry and Y/N looked at each other. “I’ll take her, H, she probably needs a good feeding as well, go sit down with your mum.” Y/N stepped forward to fish Elida out of her seat. She cooed at her little baby, body scrunching together as she picked her up, then stepped away for a moment to change Elida.

Gemma was supposed to arrive in a little while, so they had some time, just the three of them in the lounge. Harry and Y/N sat next to each other, as Elida was being fed. Anne was on a sofa opposite them. Harry and Y/N could tell Anne was bubbling to get talking, barely being able to keep her eyes off Elida as she fed from Y/N. They had been in constant contact since the birth, but Anne didn’t want to miss a thing; it was her first grandchild after all. Harry felt calm in this setting, with his little family just beside him. The time felt like thick jelly, comforting and warm. He could stay here for a long, long time. Conversation was flowing between new parent struggles, trying to fit in a meal or a nap wherever they could, to laughing about little outfits they wanted to put Elida in when she’s a little older. Elida was now napping in Y/N’s arms, belly full of milk, satisfied little sounds coming through her little mouth.

Then Gemma stormed in through the door. They could hear her throwing her clothes off in the entryway and almost jogging to reach them in the lounge. As Gemma caught sight of them her eyes filled with tears, her hands over her mouth. She hadn’t said a thing yet, as Harry stood up and walked over to her. “Hey Gem.” He said, trying to comfort her tears. “My little brother is a dad.” Was all she could get out, embracing him in a hard hug. Harry laughed, a faint blush on his cheeks. It was still so strange when they said it like that, it would take some getting used to.

Gemma moved past Harry to get to Y/N and Elida. Harry motioned for Y/N to transfer Elida to his arms, so that she could greet Gemma. And Gemma basically threw herself over Y/N. They had become close almost immediately when Harry and Y/N had started seeing each other, like they were lost sisters from another universe. “I’m so proud of you. Are you doing okay, is Harry helping at all? I’ll be sure to give him a whooping if he doesn’t, you just let me know.” Gemma said, still tearful about the fact that two of her favourite people just had a baby together. “Gem, don’t worry. It’s been a lot, I’m so tired I could pass out but I’m so happy, and Harry’s been an angel. But it’s good to know that you’ve got my back.” Y/N laughed brightly, rubbing Gemma’s shoulders in comfort, in hopes that the tears would stop.

Harry suddenly felt brave, he sat down directly next to his mother, putting his knees up so Elida could rest against them. “Come sit down, Gem.” Harry smiled to his sister. Gemma sat down next to her brother, and all three of them looked down at the sleeping baby in Harry’s lap. Admiring her little nose that looked just like Harry’s when he was a newborn, the light dusting of hair on the top of her head, and how her little chest moved quickly with her little breaths. “She’s so small.” Gemma said, almost whisper quiet, as to not alert the sleeping baby. “Yeah.” Harry replied mindlessly, still gazing at Elida. “C-can I touch her?” Gemma almost whispered. Harry looked at Y/N for a second, who was nodding at him. “Y-yeah, just wash your hands first, and no kisses on the face, please.” Harry answered. Anne and Gemma almost threw themselves off the sofa and sprinted to the nearest sink to wash their hands.

“Tesoro.” Y/N said, when Anne and Gemma had left the room. Harry looked up at her. He looked so good, she thought. Even with hair unkempt and tired bags under his eyes. His face was clean shaven and soft, for the sole reason of not upsetting Elidas sensitive babyskin. Damn, she thought, she knew he’d let the mustache grow out otherwise, and she loved it when he did that. “Do you feel alright?” Y/N continued. Harry just nodded, a smile spreading on his face. He felt better than he thought. This all felt like a dream.

Anne and Gemma came back and settled down, one on either side of Harry, as they gently reached out to stroke the baby’s soft head and grabbing her tiny, clenched hands. Y/N pulled out her phone, having to snap a few pictures of this special moment of their family. All three of them smiling and looking down at the sleepy baby. It was the start to something new, a new generation, filling all of their lives with happy laughter, endless diaper changes, tiny shoes and most importantly; love.

The room was thick with emotion, and Y/N looked at the family opposite her, almost not being able to keep her tears at bay, just seeing them together with Elida.

Gemma looked up at Y/N, and reaching her arm out for her in a quiet attempt to get her to join them on the sofa. Y/N rose from the opposite sofa, trailing over to them and sitting down next to Gemma. “She’s like a little doll, I can’t believe she’s here.” Gemma said, as if still in disbelief about the whole situation. “You have no idea how hard it’s been not to storm over to your house and see you, I’ve been worried.” She continued. Harry and Y/N shared a thankful look, knowing that in the midst of the chaos of being new parents, the last thing they wanted was a visitor. “We’ve been doing our best to settle in and enjoy the first week of just the three of us together. I just…I know you wanted to see her and us earlier but at the time it was just another stressor to all of this. It’s got nothing to do with you or mum, it’s just our decision, and we’re really thankful you respected our boundaries when we put them down. It’s a special time and we don’t want to miss a single thing, but she’ll be here for the rest of time so you’ll get to spend time with her until you’re sick of her, don’t worry.” Harry gently explained to his mother and sister. They just smiled to him, giving him a soft squeeze to assure him that they knew. “I know it’s a special time, darlings. I know that after I had you, Gemma, me and Des just wanted to be alone, but people kept dropping by and expecting us to take care of them too, on top of our new baby! It made everything a bit harder, even though I know they meant well.” Anne reminisced.

Y/N could physically see Harry’s shoulders loosen up and relax. She could tell his breathing wasn’t constantly in his throat as it had been the past few days at the mention of leaving their baby bubble. He looked relaxed, like he belonged.

Y/N remembered an evening Y/N and Harry had shared just in the beginning of her pregnancy, where they had felt high on serotonin and adrenaline just thinking about the tiny sprout in Y/N’s belly.

“It just feels like full circle in some way, having our own child. I know mum’s been harassing us about having one, but still I don’t think she’ll fully believe us when we tell her.” Harry said into the night. It was dark out, it had to have been hours since they had retreated to bed. Y/N was laying on Harry’s chest, her nose finding his pulse point, and leg thrown over his hip, close, as close as they could get without crawling inside each other’s skin. Y/N smiled at Harry’s words. “Imagine when we get to show them off for the first time, for our family, our friends. I just know it’s going to be perfect. I feel like that’s one of those situations I’ve been dreaming about ever since knowing I wanted a kid.” Y/N replied lightly. She could tell Harry’s heart was racing, she could hear it through his chest. It was quiet for a moment, Y/N could feel her eyes droop and getting heavier in the arms of her lover. Suddenly Harry spoke up. “What do you think of Rose? Elisabeth Rose?” Y/N’s eyes shot open, removing herself from his neck, looking at him with squinty eyes. “Veto. They’re not a character in pride and prejudice, Tesoro.” Harry chuckled. “I like Samuel. Or Logan, Esther, maybe Levi.” She suggested. “Mhm, I like them…but maybe we’ll have to do some more scouting though.” Harry sounded almost sarcastic, and a flat palm was thrown against his chest. “Ow!” Harry whisper shouted. “Be nice. I’m the pregnant one, I think I have a pretty big say in what name they’ll be getting.” Harry grabbed onto her, shifting them around in the bed so that his arms were completely encapsulating Y/N’s frame. “You’re right, you let me put a baby in you, yeah? And I seem to recall you asking for at least a few more after this one.” He said, placing wet kisses on Y/N’s face; on her cheeks, the side of her mouth, her jaw. “Hmm…” Y/N let out, melting into his hold and his soft kisses. “I love you; I love you for doing this for us, I love you.” Harry sincerely let out, lips grazing hers. “I love you.” Y/N whispered back, sleep catching up to her, safe and warm in her lover’s arms.

And as Harry sat there on the sofa, right beside Elida, Y/N, Gemma and Anne, thinking about all that was, and all that has become, he came to realize that this was his reality. His own little child with the person he loved more than anything on this earth. A whole family circle that showed support, love and respect through thick and thin. Harry had never been more thankful for his life, and the thought of this being his forever made him giddy to get started living the rest of their life. Yeah, he would manage just fine – as long as he had them.