#i live for hurting my own feelings

[cottoncandytomu]

Wish I Were Her~

Ellie Williams x F!Reader x Dina (love triangle but like Ellie’s in the middle) 

THIS IS ANGSTY BABES~

My content is always 18+ so Minors and Ageless blogs DO NOT INTERACT!!

Based off of Heather by Conan Gray.

Summary: The reader is hopelessly in love with Ellie but Ellie’s heart is already with someone else, Dina. The reader can’t help but feel guilty considering Dina is such a likable person, so all she can do is sit and watch her crush with another. 

In this world, Abby and her friends are now your friends. Joel and Jerry are still kicking and there's no beef of any kind (well maybe Abby slightly dislikes Ellie cz of u kshkajh), also they’re all in Jackson hehe~. 

Wanted to make some angsty Ellie shit, so here we GO!! I guess warnings shall be angst and cursing, mentions of depression/sadness etc.… seems about it, enjoy~ (I also gave Ellie zero rizz in her beginning interactions with Dina dksjhjshg) 

(Semi-proofread so sorry for mistakes 😫😫)

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ 

You couldn’t help but stare, watching as her arm drapes around Dina’s shoulder. The way she longingly looks at her, you can see how mesmerized she is. How in love they are, it almost makes you sick, almost. The pang of guilt starts to hit, Dina has never done anything wrong for you to hate her. Well except taking the one woman you love the most. But could you really blame that on her? You never told Ellie how you really felt about her, by the time you gained the confidence to tell her it was already too late. Her and Dina have already established their likes for one another, it didn’t matter anyway. You saw how Ellie looked at Dina, even when it was just you two hanging out her eyes always wondered, with the hopes of seeing the one woman she wanted the most. 

Dina’s pinky reaches out to find Ellie’s, Ellie is quick to latch onto her hand intertwining their fingers together. You fumed in rage, the envy flowing off of you like waves of heat, so hot to the touch it felt ice cold. Maybe you do wish she were dead. You shook your head trying to rid the thought, it fucking sucked. Ellie’s lips touch Dina’s temple, giving her a light tender kiss. She then drops her head onto Dina’s shoulder inhaling her lover's scent. Fuck. You were so busy thinking about their interactions that you didn’t realize Dina was wearing the sweater. 

 The sweater that Ellie let you wear constantly, you’ll never forget when she asked for it back. You knew why but you didn’t want to believe it, your mind couldn’t help but think back on the memory. 

You and Ellie were sitting against a tree, knees touching, just outside of Jackson. Finding a little spot you both could chill out on patrol was a hard task but you managed. The cold air of December prickling your skin as you both sat in silence. Ellie showed up at your door sweater in hand, knowing you’d want to wear it, it was tradition. You opened the door with a wide smile welcoming her in. Grabbing the sweater you slipped it on, wrapping your arms around yourself you let out a content sigh. 

“I love this sweater.” 

“I’m aware.” Ellie chuckles. “Alright, you ready?” 

You nod as you grab your pack and follow her out the door, locking it. Making your way to the stables you guys grabbed your horses and gear heading towards the gate. On the way there Maria had to talk to you both about something important, while Maria talked to you both you saw dark hair go past your vision. Looking over at Ellie her eyes were already on the retreating figure, she stared at Dina in awe as she walked past. The pang in your heart hit you hard, whatever Maria was saying to you was now was long forgotten. Your mind now cluttered with the thought of Ellie’s love struck face when she saw her, wishing, dreaming that it was you she was looking at instead. Maria finished what she had to say and wished you both luck on your patrol, you both got on your horses and set off to the gate. Before they could open it up Dina came running up to you both, wishing you guys luck. You mutter out a thank you and Ellie is a blushing mess as she stutters out her thank you. You take the lead, guiding your horse through the now open gates not bothering to wait up for Ellie. 

Now you both are next to each other against the tall sturdy tree, previous moments long forgotten. Your mind hyper focused on the fact that your knees are touching each other. You’ve both been on patrol for hours now, Ellie told you about a spot she discovered and wanted to take you there. You almost choked when she told you, she wanted to take you to her special place?

Now you both sit, Ellie sketching away in her journal and you’re reading up on one of your romance books you just discovered the other day. There’s no awkwardness, just a peaceful silence between you two. This occurred often, you both found comfort in one another, not needing to converse. You started to shiver, the crisp air really starting to hit you, Ellie noticed. 

“You gettin’ too cold? Are you ready to leave now?” 

You didn’t want this moment to end, wanting to cherish being in her presence with her, alone. But the cold was really starting to get to you, plus the horses needed to get back to eat. 

“I guess your sweater wasn’t that helpful this time.” You tease. 

Ellie laughs, “Yeah you say that but if I didn’t give it to you I’d hear your whining about how cold you are.” 

“Maybe…” 

Ellie shakes her head, she puts her journal away into her pack and helps you up. You can’t help the tingle in your stomach when your fingers touch hers. You then dust the snow off of you and also put your things away, the both of you going back to the horses to head home. While riding home Ellie starts up a conversation. 

“I know you really like that sweater, I might as well give it to you.” 

“Really?!” 

Ellie chuckles, “Well you wear it more than me so, might as well.”

“Ahh~ Thank you!!”

“It looks better on you than me anyway.” 

You felt the butterflies in your stomach, did she really just say that? This day couldn’t get any better. She gave you her sweater, that’s gotta mean something right?  

When you make it back through the gates you get off the horses to give them back to the workers at the stables. Both of you walk at a slow pace next to each other, talking about what happened on patrol. You were just about to ask her if she wanted to come over and watch a movie tonight until Dina came up to you both. 

“Hey Y/N, hey Ellie!” She greets, “How was the patrol?” 

You answered before Ellie, salty that she interrupted your plans. “It was good, we were able to take some time for ourselves.” 

Ellie whipped her head towards you then looked back at Dina, did she not like you saying that? “Y-yeah just regular patrol shit, you know the routine.” She lets out an awkward laugh.

She definitely didn’t like you saying that. You roll your eyes at her words, shifting your feet you wait for the conversation to end.

“Well I’m glad you both made it back safely!” Dina smiles at you then at Ellie her eyes trailing around her face. 

Guilt filled your gut. 

Ellie blushed for what felt like that thousandth time at Dina’s words, muttering out a thank you her eyes also trailed Dina’s features. You felt like you were gonna puke watching them silently check each other out, envy. 

Dina starts to speak again, “So Ellie, since you’re back, I wanted to know if you wanted to catch dinner at the tipsy bison later today?” 

Your heart sunk to the floor, there is no way in hell she just asked that while you were right there. Not when you were going to make plans with Ellie before, what the fuck. You clenched your fists, not knowing what to do but watch the two. 

Ellie smiled brightly, “Hell yeah I do!” 

Dina returned the smile, asking her what time she would want to go. Her words turned to just white noise to you as you felt your head buzz, your hands started to clam up. You couldn’t take anymore, not even bothering to say a word you walked away. Trying to keep your tears from flowing you clenched your jaw, wanting to get home as soon as possible. 

When you burst through the door you threw your pack off of you, leaning back against the door to close it you slid down. Not being able to contain it anymore the tears flowed down your cheeks. The hot streaks feel like fire on your skin. You wanted nothing else than to lay on your bed and be swallowed by sadness and anger.

Tonight was supposed to be you and Ellie, you already started the day off with each other it was supposed to finish that way too. You heard a knock at your door, jumping up from the floor and quickly wipe your tears. You didn’t want to face her yet, maybe if you don’t answer she’ll go away. The knocks happen again, louder than before. You still don’t answer, slowly stepping back you try to escape from the door trying to not make a sound. Once again the knocks sound, more impatient this time. Before you can bolt to your room, you hear the jingle of keys. 

It then clicks, Ellie doesn’t have the keys to your place. The door opens to reveal Abby, obviously annoyed she starts. 

“What the fuck Y/N, I saw you enter your house. I know you’re here-” 

Her eyes find yours, she sees your disheveled state, concern washes over her face. 

“Oh my god, what happened?” 

Immediately she’s close to you, grabbing your shoulders in concern. Your lip trembled not being able to stop the flood of tears that started to pour down, again. Abby pulls you into her strong arms, holding you tight. You grab onto her shirt, clenching it and rest your head on her sturdy chest. Her hands soothingly run circles on your back, patiently waiting for you to calm down. It takes a couple of minutes before you can pull back and face her. Her eyes full of concern, her hand comes up and wipes the tears off your face. 

She waits patiently for you to tell her what's wrong, “I’m sorry you have to deal with me right now…” You start. 

   “Fuck off.” She scoffs, “Don’t apologize, you will never be a bother to me. Now tell me what’s going on? Who do I have to take care of?” 

You let out a dry laugh, she was always protective of you. She’s been a close friend of yours for over 6 years now. You’ve both been through a lot together, your fathers being close. She was there for you especially when you lost your dad to raiders 4 years ago. Jerry taking you in as his own, you were forever grateful for them. Abby knew all about your feelings for Ellie, she understood how it felt to see someone you love in love with someone else. She experienced the same with Owen and Mel, now having to live with it everyday. You were also there for her during those times, knowing it's still a scar in her heart to this day. You two were inseparable, well until your feelings for Ellie really started to develop. It was then that you wanted to do nothing but be around the auburn haired woman. 

You took a shaky breath, finally getting control of yourself, “It’s Ellie.” You croak. 

Abby’s eyes go dark for a moment, she never really trusted Ellie. She saw how much you cared for her but she also saw the way Ellie melted around Dina and how much it hurt your heart. She couldn’t take seeing you like this. But she pushes her negative thoughts aside, listening to what you have to say. 

You continue on, “We went on patrol, it was so good Abby. I’m still wearing her sweater, see? She even ended up giving it to me!” You pull back to show off the fabric, “We sat under a tree at a special spot she took me too, basking in each other's presence. Fuck it was going so well. But when we came back I was going to ask her to come over later so we could watch a movie together but before I could even get it out, Dina came over.” 

You could see Abby cringe. 

“She talked to the both of us for a bit before her and Ellie got lost with each other, it’s like I wasn’t even there. When they’re together I don't even exist. I hate it.”

You felt Abby’s fingers clench the sides of your waist. 

“That’s not even the worst part.” You looked down fiddling with Abby’s shirt, “Dina then asked her if she wanted to go to the tipsy bison tonight to get dinner. The look on Ellie’s face is all I’ve been replaying in my head, Abby she looked so happy. It made me sick.” 

You could feel the tears start back up, Abby pulled you in again, stroking the back of your head now. 

“I’m so sorry pumpkin.” Abby cooed, a nickname she gave you.

“Okay, let it all out. But once you’re done we’re going to mine, my dad told me to bring you over for dinner.”

You smiled in her hold, you always loved going over to their place, it made you forget all your worries. 

“We can watch a movie instead, fuck Ellie. Sorry.”

“No you’re not.”

“You’re right…” 

Later that night after you and Abby finished the movie she walked you back to your place, she wanted you to stay but you wanted to go home and think about everything that happened today. AKA wallow in your depression. 

As you got closer to your place you saw a figure outside your door, Abby was quick to put you behind her, walking towards the figure in front of you now. The closer you got it was then you realized who it was, Ellie Fucking Williams. 

“God, what is she doing here?” Abby questions. 

Ellie must’ve heard her because she turned around almost immediately after, she looked off. Uncomfortable even, you couldn’t put your finger on it. Abby begins to call out to Ellie but you grab her arm stopping her, her face looking at you with concern. You tell her it’s alright, that you can handle this and you hug her goodbye. She’s hesitant at first but she trusts you, she leaves the both of you heading home. You step towards Ellie in front of your door now.

“It’s late, what are you doing here?” You swallow the lump in your throat. 

Ellie scratches the back of her neck, “Yeah I know it’s late but you ran off earlier just wanted to check that you’re fine.” 

“Well you see I’m alright, is that all?” 

“Actually no…”

You stay silent waiting for her to continue.

“I was wondering if I could get my sweater back.”

Did you just hear what you think you heard, your jaw went slack, eyes wide. 

“Is this a joke? Cause I’m not laughing Ellie.”

“No.”

“You just gave me the sweater, what do you mean you want it back.”

“I know, I know but I wasn’t thinking. I actually do want it.” 

You grab the side of your face in disbelief, there’s no damn way she’s asking for this back. 

“But you barely wear it, you said so yourself.”

“Well I’m going to start wearing it.”

“Pft, yeah right.”

“I’m serious!” Ellie whined. 

You took a step back looking at her, seeing if she has any humor on her features. She’s messed with you before, but this time seems different. 

“Why?” You ask.

“Already told you, I wanna wear it now.” 

“Fine. Hold on.” 

You roll your eyes and get your keys going into your home, walking to the bed you pick up the sweater from when you threw it there. You come back outside and toss the sweater at Ellie, almost missing she catches it. She mutters a thanks but you don’t bother to acknowledge it, you close the door in her face. Leaving her to groan and turn around walking back to her place. The day was really starting to pile on you now, the energy gone and the tears starting again. How could she give you something so precious then rip it away because she now wants to wear it. After you’ve been sporting it for months now, it was annoying. You went to flop onto your bed, mentally drained from everything. As the tears fell and you felt your eyes get heavier you ignored the thought of her wanting the sweater back for that one reason, Dina.

The memory faded from your mind when you felt a hand touch your arm, looking over you see Abby with a small smile on her lips. You returned it, then moved over in the booth letting her climb in. 

“I got you a drink.” She takes a sip of her own. 

“Thanks.” Your eyes go right back to the two. 

Abby’s eyes follow yours and she winces. 

“You’re gonna hurt yourself watching them like that.” 

“Too late.” You let out a dry laugh. “You see what Dina’s wearing?” 

“Yeah…” 

“So much for her wanting to wear it herself again.” 

There was a sudden slam on the table making you jump, Manny leaned over laughing. 

“Got ya!” 

“Ha ha very funny Manny.” You say.

“I know I am hilarious, so what are you two doing sitting down, it’s time to party.” He does a little dance and you can’t help but laugh.

“Y/N here is sulking.” 

“And why is that?” 

Abby motions over to where you guys were previously looking, Manny turns his head to look and immediately understands.

“Oh.”

“Yeah, not the best situation to be in.” 

You let out a sigh, “Can we just go? I don’t know if I can handle it anymore.” 

Abby wants to convince you to stay but she knows how hard it is for you, she’s ready to get up and bring you home but Manny interjects. 

“Hell no, at least finish your drink with us. Come on, it's been a minute since we all had open time to hang out. Plus Nora is on her way now.” 

“I haven’t seen Nora in days now.” You bite your lip, “Fine, I’ll stay for a bit.” 

Abby squeezes your arm, “Are you sure?” 

Her eyes search yours and you nod. She doesn’t let up until you say it.

“I'm sure.” 

Manny joins you both at the table and soon after Nora comes to join you three. For a bit you were able to forget about Ellie and Dina, having fun with your friends and being able to relax. You were all yelling and laughing at Manny and Abby’s patrol stories. 

You told them you’ll be back, that you’re going to get the table another round of drinks. Getting up you walk over to the bar, as you’re ordering you don’t realize the figure that comes up next to you. 

“You guys sound like you’re having fun.”

The voice made you jump, you turned to be face to face with Ellie. You froze in place, was she jealous?

You turn back to the bar, “We are, haven’t seen Nora in a while so we’re all catching up.” 

“Cool, how’ve you been?”

She had to be messing with you at this point, it’s been months since the sweater incident. You two have barely talked since then, you don’t even go on patrols together anymore. You begged Maria to put you on with Abby or Manny, anyone else for that matter. You even went on patrol with Owen once to avoid her, as unbearable as that was. And now she’s talking to you like nothing? Like you both haven’t said more than two words to each other since December. 

It was known now that Dina and Ellie were an item, they were always together. It pained you every time you saw it but you couldn’t really escape it, you just did your best to avoid it. 

“Good, thanks for asking. You?” 

You really didn’t wanna know you were just being nice. 

“Good as well, Dina and I just got back from a busy patrol today.” 

“Oh, really?” 

She kept on telling you about all the infected they ran into on their patrol, you tuned it out. Your drinks couldn’t take any longer, these few minutes felt like an eternity. As if it was a gift from the heavens up above you saw Seth come over with your drinks. She was still talking when you started to grab your drinks. She then stopped what she was saying. 

“Do you need any help?” She asks. 

“No I’m alright, thank you. Listen, it was nice catching up but I gotta get back to my friends.” 

Before you could leave Ellie grabbed your arm, almost making you spill the drinks. You looked at her dumbfounded, she then took the drinks out of your hand and set them on the table. 

“What are you doing-”

“I need to talk to you, it’s been months and you haven’t said more than two words to me. You even switched patrols.” 

“Are you seriously doing this right now Ellie?” 

“Yes I am, since this is the only chance I’ve gotten.” 

“You really want to know why? Do you not remember coming to my house to take back the one thing of yours that you gave me.” 

“Are you seriously not speaking to me because of a sweater-” 

You interrupted her, your voice raising slightly. “God it’s not just because of a sweater, how could you be so unaware.” You couldn’t hold it back anymore, “I like you Ellie, I like you so much it hurts! I’ve liked you since I saw you, we spent every moment together. You gave me something I cherished, not only because I liked the way it looked. I cherished it because it was yours, it was from you and anything from you meant everything to me. But you couldn’t realize it because your mind was clouded with Dina, it was always her and I can never compete with her. I’m not even half as pretty! It hurts me everyday to see you two together, the guilt eats me alive but I can’t help it! So please when you hear me now say leave me alone, I mean it. Leave me alone, please!”

You sucked in a breath, not expecting to let all that out. She stood in shock, not knowing what to say. Before she had a chance to even say anything you turned around and walked over to your friends. The tears welling in your eyes, Abby immediately knew something was wrong. 

“I’m sorry you guys, I had a lot of fun tonight. Thank you for this. But I have to g-go” You couldn’t help the voice crack that came out. 

You pushed out the doors walking into the night, not bothering to look back. The tears really started to fall now, the familiar sting bringing you back to the 3rd of December. You try to bring comfort to yourself and wrap your arms around your body. 

“Pumpkin!” You hear Abby call out. 

You slow down slightly, letting her catch up. As soon as she reaches you she grabs you and pulls you into her chest, her heart breaking when she hears the sobs fall from your lips. She rubs your back, telling you to let it all out, you do. She’s always there for you and you’re eternally grateful.

She hated the way Ellie made you feel but she knew how you felt about her. It was a messed up situation but she knew it all too well. 

Through your sobs you started talking, “She asked me why I haven’t talked to her. She wasn’t even aware of what she’s done, she’s so infatuated with her. Nothing else matters to her. She likes her better, I w-wish I were Dina.” 

You clenched her shirt crying more, Abby felt her heart drop at your words. Her blood boiled, she didn’t want to see you like this anymore. But what else could she do but be there for you at this moment, she knew you would say this was enough. She didn’t think it was, this needed to stop. She would make sure of it. 

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ 

HOLY RATS! This is my longest fic to date. As I’m writing this end note idek if Ima proof read it so if I didn't I'm sorry for the mistakes D: 

But I hope you lovelies enjoyed~ As always, feedback is always welcome. Just realized that this is MY FIRST ELLIE FIC AHHHHHHHHHH!! Let me know what y’all think hehe~ 

Have a good night/day lovelies! 

I’m about to go pass out bc I have work in 4 hours 🤠

=^.^=~ 

[arthursfuckinghat]

"I was gonna say you're like a son to me.. but you're more than that."

"It ain't that complicated!"

How quickly that shoulder pat of comfort turned into a condescending one.

[sysig]

“It could be that the loss of her children drove the Queen deeper into her darker desires...but, I don’t believe she was fighting against them that hard before that particular tragedy. No monster does.” (Patreon)

Bonus:

Hmm, wonder what he could cover those holes with :3c

[lunarharp]

What led to this (orufrey comic, cw an uncomfortable/creepy scene)

[clownsuu]

Small detour of what I usually post, but I absolutely wish (other) clown the best of luck during these confusing and almost hopeless times- nobody knows how to deal with such amount of attention in such short amount of time- a blessing and a curse to behold

[shalomniscient]

thhtis might just be a big pet peeve to me but i hate when people write kjsr as someone cold or possessive, i always viewed her character as someone who is actually so soft when it comes to love. i cant see her saying anything awful with intention to her s/o and just prob cherishes each moment and intimacy.

yeah, sara is the victim of some INSANE mischaracterisation... i was informed that some people thought of sara as a karen, of all fucking things, and the psychic damage i took from that statement was unfathomable. it was so horrendously insulting i had to put my phone down and breathe for a solid minute, because sara? being a karen? the peak of entitlement? be so fr. sara struggles to even accept her place within the kujou clan, despite being its golden child. she doesn't know how to be entitled to even love, let alone anything else.

there is a quote, i forget by who, which goes "(s)he had the awkward tenderness of someone who has never been loved, and is forced to improvise", and i think it describes her so well. sara was raised to be takayuki's perfect weapon first, and a person second. for sara, to be a 'kujou' is to be the untouchable general, the prodigal child, the crowfeather kaburaya which heralds nothing but victory for the kujou clan. her place in her 'family' is intrinsically tied to what she can give to them, not who she is as a person. her image of her own worth is so entangled with being needed that she doesn't know how to be anything else. she explicitly states that she has never given any thought to her personal aspirations. never. that's so insane and heartbreaking to me like... my love, you are more than what you can give. so i agree with you on the part that sara would be so, so tender when it comes to love. this is uncharted territory, and she's learning as she goes, but you could never be unloved by her. she knows what that's like, and she could never hurt you the same way.

anyway, live laugh love kujou sara. i've been in the kjsr camp for 3 fucking years and i'll continue to be here until the day i die

[mechieonu]

something about the togachako fight feels so PARTICULARLY vulnerable. the violence, the gore, the spitting, screaming honesty, the grief, oh my gosh, the GRIEF. toga realizing that jin is fading away at the same time ochako hugs her close has done horrible things to my brain. i just want to grab hori by the shoulders and shake and ask what the FUCK was the inspo for them

[chirpsythismorning]

The way fans on the st sub are almost all in agreement Nancy ending up with neither Jon nor Steve wouldn’t be the worst thing in the world, and how they can even come up with a sleuth of reasons as to why, honestly pretty valid and fair reasons, but then are absolutely gobsmacked when fans merely speculate something along those lines for El is, quite something.

[katyspersonal]

Lrb dear god, this reminded me of that time when Alfred-chan got sooooo mad at my post explaining why fans should respect bisexual headcanons for Maria and Malenia instead of pretending like they're canonically lesbians and that they get oppressed and erased by mxf ships with them. They kept vagueing that post for like a MONTH in their blog including in tags under reblogs of Maria fanart, passively-aggressively changed their url to character+sexuality to "spite" me and then even made a sockpuppet account to start shit with me in the comments.

They deactivated when me and Val completely obliterated their "you cultivate lesbiphobic following by telling people why they should respect all sexuality headcanons instead of acting cultish or assuming their experiences and stereotypes equal canon confirmation" garbage with actual facts and logic tho but I screenshotted everything fjthfgfj (I learned to document everything the hard way after they've changed the she/they pronouns to they/they pronouns ONLY to accuse me of misgendering, so thank you for making me wiser I guess 😎). Even more vile, as they, a white person, larped as an Arab in that sockpuppet to hold even MORE "privilege" against me in discussion gjtjfh Because for them race, gender or sexuality are just badges of honor and dishonor, they don't see these as traits of actual human beings. And Dr Eugene X, who worked with them and weaponized her race to accuse everyone who disagreed with her of racism, didn't bat an eye at such a terrible act too?? As usual, rules are not for their friends, lol

It is not even the worst thing Alfred did, and yet all of this just, just, JUST because I wrote a point on why bisexual headcanon people did nothing wrong and there is no ground to claim something is canon when it isn't. 🤦‍♂️ Like, they were soooo convinced that I hated lesbian headcanons and that I'd feel angry if they called Lady Maria a lesbian, when what I was angry at is this exact toxic behavior in the fandom. No matter how much you like a headcanon, don't be a bitch about it. Maria doesn't """belong""" to any gender or sexuality, she belongs to anyone who likes her and is invested in her complexity as a character!!!

Yet, apparently, common Malenia simps / Finlay shippers are no better than common Maria simps / Mariadeline shippers. Just, wild how after shit like this, many people have the guts to claim that it is "sexist redditbros" who are the biggest problem of creators in the fandom. 🤦‍♂️ They'd actually blush if they encountered what such self-proclaimed "feminists" do to their own (!!!) over headcanons. 🤦‍♂️🤦‍♂️🤦‍♂️

[poopiefart420]

Pls tell me more abt your divorced dad AU Ozai!! And his relationship with Ursa and his kids and how it all went down etc.! If you wanna :'D!

I’ll be completely honest I don’t have a full grasp on it I just apply my experiences with my dad and plaster ozai on it 😭 but I’ll try just for u PLS ADD IF YALL THINK ANYONES OOC OR LIKE ANY IDEAS YALL HAVE BC I SUCK AT WRITING

I ALSO HAVENT READ THE SEARCH SO BARE WITH ME

incoming yap sesh 🎉🎉

How Ursa and Ozai met and divorced (and Ozais side of things post divorce)

Ozai was in a completely different major to Ursa the fact they even saw each other in the cafe was a rare occurrence but Ursa caught Ozais eye

Being the kind of guy he is he would linger and watch her because he is cooked in terms of romance

Ursa made the first approach

Seeing Ozai and Ursa interact made Ikem uneasy because of the weird energy Ozai had but he let it slide after Ursa reassured him Ozai was normal (WATCH OUT IKEM HES MR STEAL UR GIRL)

Eventually, it came down to Ozai and Ursa becoming closer and Ozai finally growing some balls and asking her out (“Go out with me” “what”)

Since Ikem and Ursa still weren’t official but they had something Ursa asked Ozai to give her time and she chose to distance herself from Ikem and go out with Ozai ( NOOOOO URSA RUN)

it eventually became an official relationship with the whole meeting parents and family fun stuff (Ursa's family thought Ozai was ominous asf but they accepted their daughter's choices with a couple of complaints)

Ursa and Ozai's years before kids were pretty good until after they got married and Azulon started to pressure Ozai into his business (politics or whatever y’all want it to be) and the pressure to have kids

Ursa could see the way it was affecting Ozai but she made no comment because Ozai was impossible to get to talk about his emotions

When they finally had Zuko it changed them both Ursa looked at Zuko with love; Ozai looked at him looking for potential (despite the fact Ozai told Ursa he wouldn't be like his father)

On Ozai's part his mental health was lowkey in the gutter (but he never acknowledged that mental health is for losers not alphas like him) and he continued to compete for Azulons position in the company with Iroh

Iroh could give less of a shit btw he’s chilling with his kid

Ozai picked up smoking/vaping but he never did it in front of Ursa because he knew she would throw a hissy fit (in his eyes)

If anything by now Ozai and Ursa were drifting but Ursa decided to have another kid to see if that would bring them together and they could be a happy family

So when Zuko was 2 they had Azula and Zuko loved his new baby sister. As the kids grew up Ozai put pressure on them regarding school, martial arts, etc…

This made them grow distant and Ursa was becoming nervous because not only were her kids constantly fighting but her husband encouraged it

She tried to give Zuko as much love as she could to combat the harsh words he would get from Ozai and Azula, but in doing that she was losing Azula

She realized the source of the issue was Azulon and Ozai. She considered maybe killing Azulon but nowadays there’s forensic science so she just filed for divorce in hopes her kids can grow up without having Ozais influence

Ozai was sure she was divorcing him because she was cheating on him with Ikem. He signed the papers but the days leading up to the divorce were him arguing and trying to make her more miserable as “revenge”

Azula was angry with Ursa because she thought she was trying to take her away from her dad and she would ignore Ursa and latch onto Ozai (Zuko would latch onto Ursa but he was still hurt that they were going to leave Ozai because that's still his dad)

When they finally divorced Ursa took her kids to live in her parent's home and Ozai would drunkenly call her yelling abt how she’s Ikem's bitch and this and that

Eventually, things calmed down as time passed and Ursa was able to kindle some sort of relationship with Azula but Zuko was a mommas boy through and through

OH I FORGOT the whole Azulon dying thing doesn't really happen bro just dies of like falling down some stairs without his cane IDK LMAOOO and Iroh recently lost Lu Ten to a car crash so he just gave Ozai the company

Ozai's side of things post divorce

Ozai continued to live in the original families house but he would pick up Zuko and Azula on weekends.

He fought for weekend custody because like hell was Ursa gonna strip him of his company heirs

His nicotine habits worsened but when the kids came he would only smoke in the car (nicotine patches inside the home)

He continued to nurture the rivalry between his kids and let them do whatever they wanted as long as they didn't burn down the house (unlimited access to everything i wonder how bad that could go)

By the time the kids reached their tween/teen years Ozai just stopped picking them up as much; Zuko would feel so much relief when Ozai would call saying he was busy that weekend (also disappointment he wanted to prove himself to daddy dearest)

Zuko gaining his scar from Ozai was more of a Ozai going into a angry fit from being talked back to while he was by a source of fire (idk a candle i rlly dont know how a hand print would appear without magic fire powers)

When Ursa found out she immediately reported Ozai to CPS but as usual CPS lets Ozai off because he is a successful man (hush money...)

Ozai isn't allowed to have either kids over at his house because Ursa does not trust him in the slightest, but Azula still asks Ozai to pick her up for the weekends (she argues with her mom on this because in her eyes Ursa is trying to isolate her)

He stays awake at night wondering what he could’ve done better but then argues with himself that he was the best Ursa was ever gonna get (pov when your insecure but full of yourself at the same time)

I have nothing more to say sooo YEA sorry if its not like peak writing but ive never written a fic i just pace around my room and half of this stuff was made up on the spot

[safety-pin-punk]

Not very punk to be antifeminist and deny male privilege and the fact that women are allowed to criticize their oppressors! But that's to be expected from the "be gay do crime🤪" heterosexual fujoshis who'd call the cops on women protesting abortion rights lmfao

Ohhh no 😱 the TERFs found my ‘I hate TERFs’ post. Tragic. Im so hurt. Im so offended. Im gonna go cry in a corner.

Bitch its not that I dont understand how systematic oppression works, I just have enough braincells to recognize that (1) hating people because of the genitals they were born with is as idiotic as hating someone because of the color of their skin and (2) feminism is based on the idea of equality, not flipping which group is oppressed. That would make you a dick, not a feminist

[wickmitz]

How do you think about Frepper? I'm neutral about this ship, but the fans Frepper attitude towards confuses me, Ivy and Freckle have only been dating for a week and know each other superficially, but everyone already thinks that by the end of the comic they will get married, I think differently, I think that in the end they will break up with each other because they are too different personalities, I literally can't imagine that both of them will be happy with each other in marriage, Ivy is assertive and active, on the other hand Freckle is passive and just agrees with Ivy, this is not a guarantee of a healthy relationship where a partner completely dominates the other, plus to all that, I will not forget how their relationship started, Ivy just decided that they were dating, and without asking Freckle's permission, she just KISSED him, again without his permission, Frepper fans think that it's cute, but when I saw it, I thought "what the hell did I just see?", in general, it's strange for me that Frepper fans are okay with such things, of course later Freckle shows attraction to Ivy, showing that he likes her in some way too, but I still won't forget how their relationship started and how Freckle used to try to escape from Ivy when she squeezed his hand tightly and forced him to her …

I'm not against Frepper, but I don't understand his fans who don't see these issues and who treat other points of view on their relationship (like mine) as … um, as nonconformity? Fans from reddit are just obsessed with Frepper, I don't know about other networks but that's how it is on reddit, I think there are people who have my opinion but are afraid to say it because of fans, of course, I met Frepper fans there who normally accept such an opinion, but still there is a feeling that such a opinion cannot be told

Simply put, Ivy and Freckle are a couple that will eventually break up with each other unless there's an event between them in the comic that changes my opinion of this couple, but that's how I feel about Freckle for now. I didn't plan to express my opinion, but it happened that way, I hope you don't mind it

first and foremost, i don’t mind seeing someone express their opinion in my inbox! you and anyone else are free to do so, even if i may disagree. this blog’s entire existence was made for me to share my opinions ( and love! ) for lackadaisy, as well as engaging with other fans, because what else is the point of a fandom blog? and as far as i’m aware, this is unpopular opinion central! most of my thoughts aren’t exactly the ones with the most voice behind them i’ve found, so i welcome all manner of different views. every fan is entitled to their own perspectives and opinions, and should be allowed to share them as they please! but with that disclaimer out of the way, i’m more than willing to discuss frepper in its entirety.

for me, there’s little confusion i carry where it concerns this ship’s popularity amongst the fandom. freckle and ivy, if we are to strip them down to their bare essentials, are a rather stereotypically ‘cute’ relationship : people enjoy opposites ( see zibwick or vikdecai for example ) and there’s an endearing quality found in puppy love dynamics. seeing ivy wear the pants and drag a shy freckle around by his ankle makes for quality content in a way! think the ‘excuse me, but he asked for no pickles!’ meme … ivy and freckle very much fit that sort of mold, and it helps that most fans are too scared to ship them with other characters in the cast too, due to what they perceive to be a lack of options. thus, frepper is an extremely ‘safe’ ship! you cannot get in trouble for enjoying something that is not only canon, but is relatively adorable ; and so i don’t believe a lot of the fans are actually thinking too deeply about the likely endgame of it all. most don’t! it’s fun to ship, and that’s all they really need i think. it’s also very easy to dismiss ivy’s forwardness as a quirk of being a young girl who’s of her temperament, recklessly boycrazy although still carrying sweet intent. this behavior is easier to hand wave when neither ivy or freckle are experienced at the dating scene as well … freckle due to his extremely religious upbringing and hermit nature, and ivy because of viktor’s constant meddling, which would hold her back more than you’d think. with that said, i don’t think any of this is excessively complicated. some shippers are rather simple minded and do not care for details and characterization all too deeply. enjoying dynamics is, at its core, supposed to be fun -- which makes simple ships like frepper prime targets for a very vocal and tight knit fanbase. there are other things i could speculate about why these two may hit so pleasantly for others, like how there’s an underlying queer theme to it ( what with ivy being the pursuer and freckle the shy, blushing flower ) or that it’s tropey enough to hit the right spots for others … though it all boils back to mere speculation. perhaps they still have time to escape this gangster lifestyle and live happily ever after? and that appeals to the lackadaisy fans who still want some sort of happy ending? it’s all a combination of frepper being easy, i think, and containing two young cats who still haven’t done anything particularly ‘unforgivable’ yet action wise. this is a ship you can root for without an ounce of worry in your heart, and so on and so forth.

but although i understand why others are so vocal about them, i don’t exactly agree with fanon’s views either! while i heavily enjoy frepper, i enjoy them as they are, and that includes their looming flaws and inevitable tragedy. they are bound to break each other’s hearts a lot on their current path ; even if they were entirely perfect for one another, this lifestyle isn’t kind to anyone, meaning if they don’t separate, they could always be forced apart via bullets and such anyway. they are young and woefully inexperienced in a manner of things, the last thing they need is the stress of a rumrunner life driving their every action, you know? i know people see them getting out together, and that is likely on the table! i do see that in many ways, but i’m also of the opinion that ivy and freckle will diverge onto different paths at some point and temporarily call it quits. from where the comic currently stands and given my view on ivy’s arc, i see her growing disillusioned with where she is and the honor and fun she saw within it as a royal spectator will fade ; she will become wary, fearful, and her resilience will die … meanwhile freckle will embrace it, similar to his cousin, fully understanding what it is and what he’s getting into ( like rocky, again ) but being unable to leave his refuge. i know lots of people think freckle will leave the lackadaisy first, but given his old concepts and former title as one of mitzi’s ‘trouble boys’, i think he will become lost in the sauce for a myriad of reasons. frankly i enjoy that twist on their relationship! since i believe ivy’s character development will revolve around maturing, changing as time stretches forward, because her character is ever growing, what with her entire schtick being the fact she’s everything a 1920s girl was during those times. she embodies that unladylike youth and manipulative sweetness, so i’d imagine a lot of her path is falling from such naive thrill seeking and stumbling upon a harsh reality. she will mature, and the very thing that should make their relationship stronger will be what divides them indefinitely. everything they have is founded on this bloody, varnished soaked ground after all … they are young adults who are experiencing what closeness feels like outside of family or platonic friends for the first time, so naturally they will overindulge in their own amateur games ; find respite in the boogie and kiss like couples do on the silver screen, laugh about it, talk about everything and nothing at all … relish in each other’s warmth and stupidly loyal protection. i’m sure frepper will grow closer before any falling out, because as it stands, it’s one of the few things they have in such a scary situation that feels comforting and kind. they will impact each other in the fundamental ways first relationships do and, to move towards your biggest gripe, do things they’ll regret or allow things to happen to them that they’re not entirely okay with.

ivy is very forceful with freckle initially, albeit in her typical saturated way ; and i can see why that would be hard to parse! especially when freckle spends a majority of their first scenes together squirming away and hiding, trying to duck her affections and bolt for it. there is a lot of boundary crossing between them! but not in a necessarily malicious way … like most things with frepper, this circles back to their mutual inexperience and how, in a lot of ways, this is their first ‘serious’ romantic relationship ever. and it’s rather common for such firsts to involve gray areas, since neither party is entirely sure of what their own boundaries are just yet! while freckle did appear frightened by ivy at first, it’s important to note that tracy’s mentioned him having a flight response whenever girls flirt with him … he is prone to run away instinctively, which if you consider his extremely religious upbringing, isn’t exactly a surprise. nina would no doubt look down upon freckle engaging with girls his age due to what most girls his age are currently doing in the roaring 20s they’re living in. sneaking out and engaging in illegal activities, dancing in a way that would disgust most of the more traditional and older generation, casually engaging in any manner of sexual activity before marriage, etc etc. and this isn’t even listing freckle’s cagey nature due to an incident we know was bad enough to send rocky packing for years, and fundamentally changed freckle himself at such a young and impressionable age. he is … very troubled! and rather scared of himself and the world around him … at this stage in life, freckle is perpetually unable to make any progress towards anything he may want, and so i have little problem myself with ivy mostly taking the lead. when left to his own devices and allowed to choose outside of influence, freckle did in fact sneak out of his mother’s house to go to the lackadaisy, surely well aware that ivy’s intention had been romantically inclined. so, to me, he has always liked her ; perhaps found her cute, in a shallow way, saw her eccentric behavior as endearing and frightening in equal measure, and while he’s still wading into this whirlwind pool unsteady and shaken, he -- wouldn’t mind it if ivy pushed a little more, or moved him around to her ( and what she perceives to be, their ) liking. perhaps this dynamic is familiar enough to him that it becomes comforting, since rocky was very much the same way in their adolescence. tugging freckle around and pulling his tail for whatever rocky wanted them to do, with little care for whatever his baby cousin desired at the time, ignoring his protests and chasing him ; nobody’s at fault here either, kids are extremely self absorbed and this is a flaw they’ll usually mature past, and while ivy and freckle are adults during the comic, i don’t think ivy’s outgrown this linear view on things just yet. she is extremely entitled! she is used to being the apple of everyone’s eye at the speakeasy due to her jazz baby status as atlas may’s goddaughter, and this gangster connection excites and awes the ladies she attends classes with at her university too. ivy pepper is used to getting her way and this has only fueled her determined attitude, her ‘pull it up by the bootstraps’ mindset, and in many ways, this is something of a flaw for her. it’s not bad to be confident and headstrong, although when you add that into a dangerous mix of rumrunning and gunslinging, it may become a problem rather quickly. but i digress! point is, ivy and freckle are hardly at fault for the awkward way they handled the start of their relationship, when it’s so new and fresh to them both.

neither of them have boundaries at this moment, as they either have no clue what those are or simply haven’t realized they should set them. so, in turn, there are things that the other may do that could cause their partner discomfort … and it’s mostly done out of obliviousness and good intentions and your classic dose of intense affection. doesn’t mean it isn’t messed up to a degree, but i think it’s rather realistic, and is a hard truth that comes with many first relationships of that sort. sometimes you don’t know how to say ‘no,’ or you agree and regret agreeing later, or perhaps you simply don’t understand there’s certain things you aren’t ready for or genuinely just don’t like. again, it’s a very muddied area, and the two of them are vaguely navigating what is mostly foreign to them. they’re bound to mess up! so i ivy some slack here, and applaud tracy on the realistic writing more than anything usually. young love also happens to be a great device to use for inexperienced characters finding themselves, through the good and bad of their relationship, and frepper is all about that. maybe freckle will inevitably bring up how he feels like he would’ve preferred it had ivy asked him out properly, or gave him time to court her in a traditional fashion … and she will be surprised ( and a little wounded ) by this, since she had never considered it before … too used to her way of things to realize there’s another path they could take. i think this aspect of the relationship is important, and i can understand wishing that more frepper shippers would view it as such, or comment on it's morally gray nature without just calling it ‘cute’ and leaving it at that.

tldr : they will most certainly break up at some point, maybe even multiple times! tracy has said before that they both have some serious maturing to do if their relationship is to be long lasting, and i doubt that maturing will happen to them both at once … since they have different things to work on emotionally. but they will probably strongarm some major personal development within each other, as well as love one another with a fierceless abandon that most kids do. i could see them getting married, i could see them not, but i agree that if they were to be wed happily, they’d have significant hurdles to overcome. but personally, frepper is something i adore mostly due to the impact they’re bound to cause each other, and even if they are to separate and find someone new and more fitting, they’ll always remember one another -- perhaps fondly, and sadly, and with some anger. a time they’d like to forget, but a person they’d like to remember … which is my cup of tea overall! they much more interest me as they presently are anyway, where i can fiddle around with their budding romance and friendship bonding. and as lackadaisy grows in popularity, i do hope there’s more frepper fans who see their complexity and flaws and explore them with all of it in mind.

anyway! i hope this was coherent, and that it was obvious that i agreed with you for the most part. i haven’t really talked about frepper before with anyone so many of these thoughts sort of burst out of me! and i feel like i have more to elaborate upon, but for the sake of simplicity i kept this short. oh well! surely this is enjoyable and informative regardless.

[zorosdimples]

knowing i should take a step back from tumblr for my own wellbeing vs. being emotionally attached to this app and the people on it

[astralhope]

Rank 52: The final duel!!

[jeanmoreaux]

do you guys ever think about how the story starts with andrew acting quickly slamming a random racquet into neil's stomach to keep him from running away and ends with andrew acting quickly breaking riko's arm with his racquet and then using it as a shield to protect neil. because i think about it all the time.

[rebellum]

I feel like... Perhaps... Arguing that transphobia is defined by murder and that anything other than murder doesn't even matter... May NOT be conducive to fighting for trans rights.

Like... people want the right to exist as they are. They want to have access to hrt and surgeries and prosthetics. People want access to clothes that fit them and reflect how they want to be seen. People want access to medical care (eg. Getting screened and treated for sex-based forms of cancer can be impossible if you have the "wrong" sex listed to receive those tests). People want to be respected and treated well. People want to not be sexually assaulted and beaten and abused. People want to have access to housing and jobs, and the protection to not lose those things for being trans. People want access to shelters for homeless people or survivors of domestic abuse. People want name changes.

Acting like all of those things don't matter because at least they weren't murderered by an individual (and instead die of suicide or state violence, or survive and suffer) isn't okay.