#i literally started actually hockey posting like in may? i think

[cornerihaunt]

one year of me being into hockey!!!

[https-immotmari]

❝ Crush na crush na crush kita! ❞ ─── pjsk boys!

WRITER'S START IN BEING DELULU!

Just from the title, y'all should have a thought of where I come from lmao ＜（＾－＾）＞! Anyways, third request came in and I hope you don't mind the reader's gender being neutral, thank you!~

fandom! .project sekai character(s) used! .akito shinonome, toya aoyagi, tsukasa tenma and rui kamishiro gender of reader! .gn!reader however, implied fem!reader implied in toya's and tsukasa's sections head start! .reader, in both akito's and toya's, is a senior, reader in toya's section is tsukasa's older (by one minute) twin sibling, light angst in toya's section, rui's reader is a foregnier and doesn't understand nor speak japanese very well however, they can understand english

. . .akito shinonome!

❝ Di mo ba nadarama? (Don't you feel?) ❞

what in the H E double hockey sticks is he feeling?!

he doesn't know why his heart goes crazy just the mere sight of you he doesn't know why he suddenly stutters his words when talking to you, he just doesn't understand why his mind wants to see you every day.

well, to everyone, it's no surprised you've captured the hearts of majority of the student population in kamiyama high. you're literally the IT girl/boy/person of kamiyama and you aren't even aware of it.

you're even a great senior! he met you through toya, who was trying to find tsukasa since he wanted to confirm something and they found him talking to you, and he was instantly whipped! though, he denies it.

toya lightly teases him that he acts like a mess when you're around him and akito just barks back with lies, just to save his pride.

"I'm telling the truth, toya. I don't act weird whenever (last name)-san is around." akito denied his best friend's, toya, accusation. him? having a crush on the school's heartthrob? that's stupid. he would never-

"excuse me?" akito suddenly froze on the spot as toya twirled his head only to see you carrying a bunch of test papers. "oh? toya? and uhm.." you squinted your eyes, trying to recall the name of the frozen ginger beside toya, "oh right! akito, right? you're ena's cute little brother, hm?" you tilt your head forward a bit, smiling in his way.

in the end, toya had the last laugh as he watches his best friend being completely different around their senior, "I told you so." as akito clutches his chest, where his heart is at.

just innocently dropping hints to toya that he 'needs' help with a difficult math problem, that's probably a year above them level, and that he needs a reliable and amazing senior to help him.

he ends up having tsukasa and sometimes rui, it's rare having you to 'help' him since you're quite busy as well.

but, that doesn't stop him! he often has toya delivers his little gifts, after a long time convincing toya that it was his older sister's, ena, request to deliver 'her' gifts, to your desk when you're not around, some students may have thought that toya has a crush on you.

his little gifts consist of key chains of (favorite things), sometimes flowers and pins with your favorite series/anime/manga/etc.

how he knew this? he actually got information from one of ena's conversation with you and your post from your social medias, in which he secretly hearts everything on an alternative account.

he turns into a lovesick puppy the moment you walk in, if he were a puppy, his tail would be going crazy all the while his face would be a hot mess.

during the sport event, you were one of the mc's and it made akito's motivation in winning increased TO THE MAX!

he was running faster than ever, even ena was suprised to see her little brother like that, poor tsukasa who was on his back, tsukasa was holding onto akito's shoulders for dear life.

"shinonome-san is running as fast as ever! it seems like he's eager to win, don'tcha think, partner?" the other mc look at you, waiting for your commentary.

you chuckled, smiling as you watch the intense match between your juniors, mizuki and akito. "I couldn't agree more, partner! even poor tenma-san is holding on for dear life~" both you and your partner snickered.

after he won that match, he was congratulated by you over the mic and no one can image the furious blush appearing on his cheeks, like, YOU, out of all people, were to congratulate him first before toya can?????

he was on cloud nine that even toya had a difficult time in getting him back to his senses till they were in their band practice, an hand to shake him back to life.

he denies this for a long time but, on valentine's day, instead of the classic chocolates and flower, he actually got you special and that he's proud of but, never admit it was him.

he got the valentine's day special chocolate pancake with (favorite fruit) on the side from the place where he usually buys his pancakes, he bought it using his hard-earned money. he also made oragami flowers, bouquet of flowers actually, the flowers being all of your favorite kinds. he actually spent a lot of time and dedication on the oragami flowers and learned them from a lot of youtube videos.

of course, he remained anonymously.

out all the gifts you've received that day, his gift stand out the most due to his effort in making it perfect. you gushed about it to your friends and one of them was ena. she had a gut feeling that it was her little brother, akito, but never got confirmation.

he doesn't know why his heart goes crazy just the mere sight of you, he doesn't know why he suddenly stutters his words when talking to you, he just doesn't understand why his mind wants to see you everyday. Don't you feel it?

. . .toya aoyagi!

❝ Crush mo rin kaya ako? (Do you have a crush on me too?) ❞

you're actually tsukasa's older, by one-minute, twin sibling so, he's known you very well.

though, he wasn't able to have a lot of conversation with you back then since you were more focused on your youngest sibling's, saki, health and was always in the hospital, in which he couldn't go, fearing that it upset his father.

despite not often having to chat with you, toya can see you as the loving and caring older tenma sibling, within the three tenma siblings, you're the matured and calm one, one of the reasons why toya and you got along pretty well.

him crushing on you came when you caught him tearing up a bit after an argument he had with his father, he was a little kid at the time, and instead of degrading him for crying, you sat beside him and comforted him, whispering nothing but sweet things to him as he cried in your shoulder. you comforted him like how you comforted tsukasa whenever he has his episode due to him thinking he wasn't a great enough brother for saki.

after comforting him, you gave him a small smile and encouraged him to go after what he loves the most, and at that moment, the thing, or person, he loves the most at the moment, till now, is you. he just doesn't realize it till his unitmates told him he was, in fact, has a crush on you.

he felt the warm and loving aura coming out of you that you always give to your family, especially to your younger siblings. something he had craved from his father ever since he was born and yet he never received.

after that day, this little kid was always following you around like a little duckling, except in the hospital, in which you find it to be amusing and adorable since you've ever known toya to be the quiet yet blunt stoic kid and seeing him following you around whenever him and you are inside your house.

toya, at the time, didn't know why his cheeks felt warm and his heart going slightly faster than before whenever he encounters you. it makes him space out sometimes.

one time, he made a claw machine empty because he wanted to give you plushies like he gives to saki, through tsukasa, as well! you were surprised to see a lot of stuff toys in your room when you got back home from the hospital.

it made your face brighten up and as a thank you, you gave toya one of your beloved books in which you cherished the most so, image the shock expression he had once tsukasa told him that it was one of your cherished books you held dearly, and you gave it to HIM??

upon knowing that fact, the book you gave to him now has its very own section in his bedroom shelf, it even has its own clear protection case to keep the dust away if he's not reading it at the moment.

nobody is allowed to touch the book besides him and you.

now that you two, alongside tsukasa and saki, have grown into teenagers, you two have more screen time with each other now that saki is finally out of the hospital!

since you and tsukasa are the same age, meaning when toya was a freshman in kamiyama, you were a senior at miyamasuzaka, the same all-girls school saki is in.

despite being in different schools, you two interacted a lot! especially when all four of you hangout after school!

his feelings for you were rather obvious, at least to tsukasa and saki, he was so different from his quiet and stoic self.

whenever you're around, he smiles more often all the while talking to you, toya can't help it! you're just a beautiful scenery, it's a crime to not admire you. saki even called him out-

"(n/n) sure does look beautiful, right, toya-kun?" saki innocently teased the blue haired individual, who was admiring her older sibling as they baked a bunch of cookies for the four of them.

toya immediately snapped out of his daydreaming upon being called out, "o-oh.. yes, of course they are." he shyly nodded, feeling his cheeks warming up. saki simply chuckles, knowing damn well that she'll be the matchmaker alongside her older brother.

when vivid bad squad was formed, he immediately rushed to you and told you about it, you smiled at him, he was finally doing what he wanted and not what his father wanted, and you were proud of him.

whenever he's at band practice, he often unconsciously rambles about you to his bandmates, an and akito teases him about it, telling him that they didn't know toya has a crush.

that's when he furrows his brows, crush?

due to his oblivious self, an and akito, mostly an, explained to him that he has a crush on you, and he was like "oh...oh!"

now with this newfound information, he felt even more nervous around you, sometimes stuttering his words as if he's malfunctioning robot.

his heart just goes crazy and with the way you acted around him these couple of years, thanks to an explaining how most women acted when they have a crush on you, he wonders if you also have a crush on him too?

. . .tsukasa tenma!

❝ Cross my heart, P.S. I love you ❞

he met you first in phoenix wonderland, you were a guest invited by one of your friends.

he, alongside his troupe members, was greeting the guests ever-so loudly and cheerfully and when his orange-yellow eyes set on you, his world just stopped right there and then.

your (h/c) was shining, complimenting your sparkling eyes and dazzling sweet smile, he felt his heart was racing, racing fast.

he was so stunned that when you and your friends came up to him and his troupe members, he was fumbling with his words all the while his troupe members cheerfully, mostly emu, greeted you and your friends. tsukasa's eyes were mostly on you, though he did try to act normal and tried to look at your friends as well but, his eyes kept glancing over you.

rui, who noticed this, teased him after you and your friends went away. tsukasa denied it, saying you look 'familiar' to him though, rui didn't seem convinced.

over the time your there, his eyes were trying to find you again, wanting to see if he was daydreaming that time but yet every time he sees you, he malfunctions again.

on the other hand, you caught him spying you from afar and whenever he quickly hides, you find it amusing.

he didn't know why he wanted to find out more about you, though you were a random guest, you can be EVERYWHERE!

but, I guess lady luck blessed him after a couple of weeks, he was in front of saki's school, miyamasuzaka, and while waiting, he saw you again! alongside your friends.

his eyes went wide, and my dude just stood there like 🧍‍♂️

once he and saki were back at home, he immediately bombarded her with a lot of questions about you.

"hey, saki, do you perhaps know somebody in your school with (h/c) hair and (uniform style/details about your uniform)?"

"oh, well there a lot of people with (h/c) hair in my school but, with the way you describe certain details uniform, I think you're referring to (last name)-san!"

that's where he learned about you as he watched saki talking about you gleefully, you were an assistant and close friend to the MORE MORE JUMP! members, no wonder why saki seems happier to talk about you to her older brother.

and no wonder he recognized you, he once saw you in shizuku's social media, in which he follows since they are good acquaintance with each other.

he thought about messaging you since shizuku tagged you in that one post. he wanted to formally apologize for weirding you out on that day.

and that's how you basically meet the blonde weirdo yet cutie from the theme park you visited a few weeks ago again. he firstly messaged you by introducing himself before apologizing for his behavior a couple of weeks ago, you honestly find it amusing and adorable. you two chatted with each other all day, and then the next day, and the next day-

after that, he invited you to hangout after school whenever your free, sometimes he brings along saki and toya, since you two bonded within the private messages you two have been sending each other.

honestly, he hasn't moved on from your first encounter, he still acts like a silly idiot around you. tsukasa doesn't even know why like, you're like everyone else, average yet has a certain charm around you making tsukasa even more invested into you.

whenever he's around you, he feels like very different that has him questioning himself about it. like, why does he feel funny around you but not to others? why does he feel the urge to impress you more with his charms and talents? why does he stutter his words out like a fool whenever it's you? WHY DOES HIS HEART YEARNS FOR YOU?!

I feel like he's seen a various of romance theaters, movies, dramas, etc (thanks to saki) so, he caught up with what's happening to him, it went like this;

"I'm in love..." the blonde muttered, finally knowing the reasons why he's acting differently to a certain someone. he had finally solved the mystery of his strange behavior whenever you're around!

"I'M IN LOVE- HAHHHHHHHHHH?!" tsukasa immediately stops himself upon seeing in the corner of his eyes, his troupe members all can be seen in the doorway, spying on their leader while rui was recording it with his signature smug cat-like smile plastered on his face.

in the end, let's just say rui, maybe emu and nene, got their blackmail for tsukasa.

he was quite shy at first but, he warms up since in his thoughts, he NEEDS to impress his crush, aka you, because the only way your crush is gonna notice you and wants to talk to you is to impress them! (tsukasa's words, not mine)

expects him to be a very, very, VERY gentleman towards you such as carrying your things, bringing you little snacks, escorting you to your house to your school along with saki, and many more that I can't possibly list down.

when he heard you were a fan of phenny-kun, he just has to impress you with his voice imitation of phenny-kun, he just had to. I mean, it IS his job, alongside his troupe members, to make people smile. his day brightens up whenever you enjoy his imitation of phenny-kun! doesn't he love you too much?

he probably made a play dedicated to you and have scenarios where you, the main character, and he as the love interest, he's too busy daydreaming he didn't notice that one of rui's inventions is coming straight to him-

he became a simp, your simp to be exact.

doesn't he love you so much? Cross his heart, he'll love you wholeheartedly that's for sure!

. . .rui kamishiro!

❝ 'Di ko alam ang nangyayari (I don't know what's happening) ❞

he honestly didn't expect himself to be having a crush on somebody, especially when his crush is oblivious foreigner such as yourself.

you were the infamous transfer student he had heard about from the juniors; it was quite obvious due to your appearance alone, so you stick out like a sore thumb. if that wasn't bad enough, you also had a hard time understanding and speaking their language. you usually kept quiet as you feared that you might sound like an idiot when speaking japanese.

so now, picture this, a transfer student from (country) that has a hard time understanding and speaking japanese in a japanese high school, seated next to the well-known troublemaker of kamiyama high, now surely it won't be chaotic? spoilers, it did.

rui honestly finds you amusing, he would chuckle whenever he would ask for something to you, and you would completely give him another thing instead what he asks for.

it was another day in class in this new high school of yours, if the lectures make your head dizzy because it's difficult in understanding the teachers a bit, the purple head boy next to you makes it more difficult.

"psst.. mind letting me borrow your eraser for a moment?" he whispered to you, not wanting to get caught by the teacher. rui watched as you confusedly scanning your desk, trying to understand what he wanted from you.

'okay, he clearly wanted to borrow something... but, what??' you were thinking a bit too hard that the lecture from the teacher is mentally blocked from your head, now focusing on the given task by your seat mate.

"um.. t..t..this?" you tried pronouncing the said word in japanese but, it only sounded broken a bit, all the while showing rui a sharpener.

and that moment, rui kamishiro knew, he'll be going to enjoy this year.

you being shy reminds him a lot about nene but, in your reason, you were afraid of sounding stupid while speaking his country's language. though, he'll give you the benefit of the doubt since you were learning how to speak the language.

he teases you even though you mostly don't understand all he just said, which amused him more while you were determined to learn about the language more to know what rui is saying to you most of the time.

eventually, it was one of your daily routines to have rui tease you every day, even though you don't understand half of it but, hey! you're at least getting better with your japanese.

and with that, rui and your friendship began to develop as time went by, the purplenette introduced his unitmates to you and you were thankful that they introduced themselves in english. p.s rui rambles about you to them.

sometimes rui say english words to help you understand what he or other people are saying. though, if someone was mocking or insulting you, rui wouldn't even try to tell you what they are saying instead, he just guides you away from them by wrapping one of his arms around your shoulder and distracts you, though you had a gut feeling that the person was saying bad stuffs to you, you pick up some of their words and understand soe.

I think rui having a crush will take a long time since he's more on focusing on his inventions and his performances with his unitmates so, catching his attention in you, romantically, it's going to be a long ride. though, if you did, in which is going to happen, congratulations then.

though, he did start to feel whenever your around as the days goes by, and honestly, dude was confused. I feel like he has no grasp of like love and crushes since he's probably more focus on his works and his unit's performances that he doesn't have the time to think about anything else like love.

so yeah, it took him a long time to solve this difficult equation on why he feels weird whenever you are around/mentioned. he doesn't know what's happening to him.

with that, he went to nene and intentionally drop a topic like "what if somebody feels weird whenever somebody's around them, like something's making your heart beats faster?" and nene just look at him with a blank expression of hers, already knowing what's up with her childhood (best) friend however, she won't say it just for fun.

even with his newfound feelings, he acted the same but, once you come closer to his chest area where his heart is at, you'll hear his heartbeat. his teasing is still the same though he increased it to the max, anything for you<3

within school/lunch breaks, he'll teach you japanese words and how you pronounce them while you teach him english/(native language) words and how you pronounce it. though, that doesn't mean he'll stop teasing you just because him and you are teaching each other different languages, from time to time, he says to you compliments in japanese and when you try to pronounce it, his smug cat-like smile widens even more.

but, he'll only get scolded by you after you search about the phrases back at home, he'll do it again and again even if he's going to get scolded by you and he'll probably get the silent treatment by you<3

although jokes asides, he'll calm you down whenever you're feeling really anxious about speaking japanese, especially in front of the class whenever a teacher calls you out for recitation. he's one good listener and advice giver, so any problems you have, please go to him and he'll make it better, especially for you.

fast forward to summer holidays and school was ending, with all the moments and days you've spent with rui, you finally made a decision, something you'll feel embarrassed about but, hey! rui someone that is dear to you. as rui finished packing

up his things and mostly every one of your classmates were outside now, you approach rui very differently unlike the way you've approached him before this.

"rui.." you muttered out, loud enough for the said person to hear and make his head turn towards you.

"hmm, yes?" his eyes went immediately towards you, seeing a letter in your hands, your gaze shyer than ever, and some sort of red tint in your cheeks.

"I.. uhm.. I.." you stuttered out, trying to find the words you wanted to say to him. rui, noticing it, gives you a pat on the head as a sign of encouragement as what he always did to you whenever you feel nervous/anxious.

eventually, you finally did as what you have planned the day before, "I.. just want-ted.. togiveyouthis..!" you quickly finished yourself, saying it all in japanese, while handing the letter to him before quickly rushing out, leaving rui with a dumbfounded with a letter in his hand.

the mad sciencetist, I mean, the purplenette boy stared at the letter the rest of the time as he walks home, wondering what you wrote in this. though once he had opened and read it, he lets out a smile, not his usual smug cat-like smile but, a genuine and gleeful smile.

with his heart beating crazily as he only thought about what you wrote in that letter, his thoughts filled to the brim with you, he honestly doesn't know what's happening right now.

WRITER'S END IN BEING DELULU!

Apologies for the long wait! school just recently started and this january I'm filled to the brim with projects and performance task ＞︿＜!

and also, I had writer's block with rui's section though special thanks to one of my lomls @liqis-postoffice for the ideas &lt;3

rules! + masterlist!

[starsstuddedsky]

Tangled in Love

vernon x reader

summary: there's nothing in the world that vernon loves more than cats. at least, that's what you think

genre: fluff, tiny bit of angst, non-idol!au, uni au, f2L, idiots to lovers, fake dating if you squint, technically university au

warnings: none!

wc: 3.8k

a/n: started this a WHILE ago and finished it like a month ago but i wanted to let it sit lol,,, may or may not have been the other option for the poll i put out and then i may or may not have forgotten to post.... anyways i am working for literally the whole summer until school starts again so i can't promise i'll be writing a whole bunch </3 so basically: enjoy bc idk when anything else will come lol (not going on official hiatus though!! just like... limbo) pls pls feel free to drop in anytime and chat!! also requests are open but again,, i'll write when i write lol

tldr: adulting sucks, i love you all, none of this has to do with the actual story lol

Vernon’s car sits in your driveway. The sight of his little red sedan evokes a strong sense of familiarity, almost as if it’s yours. It’s survived high school and his first three years of college, up till now, though the engine sometimes shakes the car a little too much and the air conditioning chooses to work less often than you would prefer. Still, the one time Vernon mentioned getting a new car, you nearly cried, so you don’t let yourself complain too much. 

He waits for you, keys in hand, as you tug on your shoes and sprint out the door with a shout of goodbye to your parents. Your shoes nearly slip off because you didn’t put them on all the way and they’re still untied when you make it to the front seat, slamming the door shut behind you and pulling on your seatbelt. 

“You didn’t have to rush,” Vernon says, barely sparing a glance at you. You do a supreme job pretending it doesn’t bother you. 

“Yeah, but my dad is watching hockey,” you say. Though it’s been years since Vernon has been to your house for a “play date,” you know the memory of your father yelling at the television as if the players can hear him isn’t one that Vernon (or anyone for that matter) can forget easily. 

“You know if you move out, you don’t have to hear them,” he says, finally glancing at you before turning his head to watch the road as he backs down the driveway. 

“If I move out, I also have to pay my bills on my own,” you say. 

“You have three job offers and you haven’t even graduated yet,” Vernon says. “Of all our friends, you are the most financially stable, so don’t you dare try that argument on me.” This debate has been going on ever since Vernon announced he was moving out; two years in the dorms on campus proved more than enough for him. 

You don’t understand why he’s so insistent about you moving out. Sure you complain about your parents occasionally but not enough to really matter, and he knows how grateful you are that they’ve let you stay in your childhood room and rarely let you pay for anything. 

So why? You set your eyes on him, with his annoyingly perfect features that you’ve known most of your life. He studies the road, indifferent to your glare and undistracted. 

That’s the Vernon you know: focused on the moment, and never noticing you. You know how pitiful you sound, pining for someone for so long who has never once spared you a second look. Still, before everything else, he’s your friend, your best friend. You won’t ruin that just because you caught feelings. 

“Why are we going an hour away again?” You ask, resting your back against the cushioned seats and turning your head to the window to watch the scenery pass by. It’s easier to avoid thinking about those feelings when you aren’t staring at him. 

“Because the people running the rescue needed a volunteer to pick up the kittens.” 

“And why am I here?” 

“So I don’t get kidnapped or murdered,” Vernon says nonchalantly. 

“How am I going to prevent you from getting kidnapped or murdered?” 

“Strength in numbers?” He takes his eyes off the road for half a second to flash a smile at you. 

You rolled your eyes, plugging your phone into the aux. “You should have asked Jihoon. Between his gym obsession and unbridled rage, the nonexistent potential kidnappers-murderers would never stand a chance.” 

“And he has good taste in music. Bump,” he says, bracing his arm in front of you as he hit a particularly large pothole. He drops his arm as soon as the car stops shaking and you ignore the urge to catch his hand in yours. 

“He does not, and you better not be implying I have bad taste!” You dig through your playlists, trying to find the Vernon-approved one. 

“I was implying but now I’ll outright say it.” 

“His playlist is just Bruno Mars and Harry Styles and one random Ariana Grande song.” You hold up the shared playlist for good measure. Vernon ignores you, refusing to take his eyes off the road. 

“Okay, not good taste, but better than yours.” 

“What is wrong with my taste in music?” 

“No comment.” 

“How have we been friends this long?” You ask. You can’t quite say it with a straight face; the idea of not having Vernon in your life is an absurdity you can’t imagine. 

“By the way, you need to give directions,” Vernon says. “I sent you the address last week.” 

You shake your head but dig through the messages to find the address, putting Jihoon’s playlist on to prove your point. Vernon pretends not to care, singing along to “Leave the Door Open,” as if he didn’t make fun of Jihoon a week ago because he played the song on repeat during his four hour shift at the cafe. 

When you’re being honest with yourself, you know you want more than riding in Vernon’s front seat and making pointless jokes. More than once, you’ve imagined what it’s like to go home with him and stay there, to wake up in his bed because you share it with him, instead of the times you drank too much and he slept on the couch (because of course Vernon is the type of person to give up his bed for his friend). Moments like that make it harder to remember that he doesn’t feel the same way. 

You were doing a great job of paying attention until the second half hour, when you got stuck in standstill traffic. In your mind, only a few minutes pass, but suddenly Vernon shakes your shoulder and your heart shoots bolts of adrenaline into your veins to wake you up. 

“We’re here,” he says softly. He holds your phone with the directions still open. The engine shakes the car; he must have literally just stopped. It takes a couple moments to remember that he drove you into the middle of nowhere to pick up some kittens to foster them (another bullet point in the ever growing list of why you love Vernon: he does absolutely insane things for what he loves. What would it be like to be the person he loves?). He stares at you for a moment and for some godforsaken reason, you think he’s going to kiss you. 

He points to the corner of your lips. “You drooled.” He laughs at your groan, turning in his seat and cutting the engine, tossing your phone into your lap. 

The door creaks when you pull on the handle but it swings open. You are extra careful when you swing it shut, being as gentle as possible. Vernon raises his eyebrows but doesn’t comment on it. You stretch until your back finally pops, jogging to catch up with Vernon who didn’t wait for you, striding up the smooth driveway. 

Warm pastel yellow greets you, a cute door that matches the array of flowers on the front porch perfectly. Vernon sneezes and presses the doorbell, stepping back to wait, shoulder pressing against yours. Even though his jean jacket and your cotton t-shirt separate you from really touching him, you feel a different sort of warm, a tingly feeling that spreads from your insides and makes you feel giddy. 

After a couple minutes, the door opens, revealing a smiling woman and a child that can’t be more than five clinging to her leg. “You must be the fosters! Sorry, it’s a little hectic today, but come on in!” She ushers you in, picking up the child. 

Some psychopath. You glance at Vernon but he turns his back on you, following the woman down the hall to a closed door. Whatever, it’s not like he needs to see you to know the jokes you make. 

“We’ve been keeping them away from the rest of the house since it gets so chaotic,” she says. “I’d love to keep them but we’ve got two toddlers and a hyperactive dog.” She sounds genuinely regretful, which you understand as soon as you step over the baby gate and into the room. It looks like it was a spare bedroom (you can’t help but think it’s for the children when they get too big to share a room), but the bed has been stripped and there isn’t any other furniture. In the middle of the room, in a nest of blankets, a grown cat sits and licks tiny balls of fur that mewl softly in protest. The black cat pauses in her grooming, studying you and Vernon while the woman and her child watch from the door. 

“Do you want to tell the lovely couple what we named them?” She asks the child. 

You freeze. Did she just call you a couple? “We’re not–” Vernon stops you with a hand on your arm, sitting cross legged on the ground and facing the woman and her child. 

“The momma is Pinky,” the child mumbles, barely audible. “‘Cause she has really pink feet.” 

You smile at her, though you’re still reeling from Vernon’s hand, which slips from your arm to interlace his fingers with yours. “Did you name her?” 

The child grins. “Yeah! But my brother named the babies.” She pouts. 

“I think Pinky is a great name,” you say. Vernon grunts in agreement. Pinky stands and wanders slowly toward Vernon’s hand (the one not holding yours), which he holds outstretched while looking away. Looking at you. You get to see the exact moment Pinky brushes her head against his fingers, watch the corners of his mouth creep up in satisfaction, watch his eyes slip away from yours as he strokes her head. She lets off a low rumble as she purrs, brushing her whole body against his foot before leaving him to study you. 

You’ve never thought of yourself as a cat-person or a dog-person (you love them all the same), but a life-time as Vernon’s best friend (and an abundance of cat cafes) have trained you in how to get cat’s to befriend you. You let Pinky move however she wants, hyper aware of Vernon’s hand squeezing yours once before letting go. 

He shifts to look at the kittens, earning a wary glance from Pinky. She watches him for a moment before turning back to you, brushing against your hand and eventually turning her back on you, purring like the engine of Vernon’s car the entire time. 

“What’s this one called?” Vernon asks, pointing to the orange colored kitten. 

“That’s Muffin, Momma named her,” the child explains. She stands at the baby gate alone, her mother off somewhere getting all of their supplies so that you and Vernon can leave with them. Her little fingers curl around the metal. “The black one is Fried and the white one is Egg. That’s what my brother named them.” 

Vernon nods, smiling over the tiny kittens. Pinky finally decides she doesn’t want him quite so close, leaving your side to place herself between him and the kittens. He laughs, sliding back to sit next to you. 

“There’s no way you don’t end up adopting at least one of them,” you whisper. 

“I have self-control.” 

“Wanna bet?” 

Vernon turns to look at you except he’s much too close, nose just barely brushing against yours. It takes all of your willpower not to glance at his lips, infinitely harder when you realize you can feel his breath on your lips. Would he kiss you back? You push that fantasy away immediately: it’s Vernon. He’d push you away and call you weird, or do that judgy-eyebrow-wiggle-thing that he reserves only for special occasions (most recently used when Soonyoung was talking about a hookup gone wrong). You’ve always been the one he looks at when someone does something weird; what would he do if it was you being weird? Your stomach turns, the butterflies eating each other alive. You can’t do that to him, no matter how perfect his lips are. 

You jump at the sound of someone clearing their throat. You turn back to the door to see the woman holding a cat carrier doing her best not to smile. 

“Not trying to rush you two, but the sooner they settle into a nice loving home, the better,” she says, winking at ‘loving.’ You really should correct her. Actually, Vernon should correct her. He always does, the very few times that you have been mistaken as a couple. He never hesitates, so why isn’t he doing it now? Does he really not realize what she’s implying? 

He stands up, turning to face you and extending his hands to pull you up. You roll your eyes but take them anyway, ignoring the way your heart sinks when he lets go this time. He takes the carrier and gently picks up the kittens, blankets and all, and tucks them inside. Pinky follows immediately after, as if she couldn’t bear to be away from her children for more than a second. 

“I have a box ready by the door with their food, and toys, and other supplies, and I know you said you have a litter box and you’re ready, but I just wanted to make sure that they settle in nice, and I added a blanket in case they’re homesick, and–” She pauses, peering at the dark holes of the carrier as if she can see the little kittens inside. She takes a deep breath, picking up her child again, stepping to the side so that you and Vernon can leave the room. “I know you two will take good care of them, I do, I just– I’m going to miss them.” 

“Me too,” her child says, clinging to her mother’s neck. 

The woman smiles. “But we said our goodbyes already, and they’re going to be so happy with these two, right?” 

“Of course,” you say when Vernon doesn’t answer. “He’s been obsessed with cats since he was smaller than you!” You wink at the child, who giggles. 

You pick up the box at the door, grunting at the heaviness. 

“We can switch,” Vernon says softly but you shake your head. 

“It’s just to the car, it’s fine.” Vernon looks like he’s going to argue more, but finally he steps onto the front porch, moving as gently as possible, trying to disturb the precious cargo as little as possible. 

“Thank you so much again,” the woman says, setting her child down. “We really do wish we could keep them, but it makes me happy knowing that someone capable will be taking care of them, especially an adorable couple like the two of you. Do keep me updated on their adoptions.” 

You force a smile and choke out a “thank you,” following Vernon mindlessly down the driveway after she closes the door.

Adorable couple, were her exact words and Vernon said nothing. Why? The word hangs on your tongue, threatening to spill out if you so much as open your mouth. You watch as Vernon sets the carrier in the backseat, then takes the box out of your arms and places it on the floor. You force yourself to move to the passenger side when he raises his eyebrows at you, but once you’re sitting down and the seatbelt is across your chest, you’re frozen again. 

Vernon takes your phone when you don’t move, putting in your passcode (the sum of his birthday and yours). He pulls up his own playlist, a collection of hyperpop and indie artists that you normally enjoy listening to. Today it takes all your concentration not to burst. 

You almost make it the whole drive, all the way to his block, the apartment building he’s spent the last year and a half in that’s become far too familiar to you. How much time have you wasted away on the floor of his living room, drinking, doing classwork, listening to him talk about the future, rambling to him about the midnight thoughts that threaten your heart? He knows everything about you, except what you need him to know the most. 

When the question begins to burn in your heart, you can’t hold it anymore. Vernon pulls into his parking spot and it falls from your lips before you realize it. “Why?” 

He has the audacity to feign ignorance, blinking at you before finally asking, “Why what?” 

“Why did you let her think we are a couple?” 

One of the kittens mewls in the silence, a soft cry for help, sounding pitifully like your own heart. 

Vernon stares ahead of him at the concrete wall, the fading red number 19 that designates this spot as his. Just say something, your heart begs him. Stop giving me hope where there is none. His shoulders rise in the tiniest shrug. “I guess I was just curious.” 

“Of what?” 

He swallows, Adam’s apple bobbing up and down. He glances at you, just once. “What it would be like.” He sighs. “This really isn’t the time for this conversation.” 

Your grip on the door handle is so tight your knuckles are white. So desperately, you want to believe he’s trying to say what you think he’s saying but you refuse to give yourself hope unless it’s real. “What conversation?” 

“Okay, for the record, I did think this through,” he says, “a lot. Like, for months. This isn’t coming out of nowhere, I really did try to figure out if it’s just a passing thing because the last thing I want is for things between us to be weird because you’re my best friend and I tried to imagine my life without you and that was worse than anything, so I decided I wouldn’t ruin anything except I can’t stop thinking about–”

“Vernon.” 

He pauses, turning to face you again and this time he doesn’t look away. You’ve never felt self-conscious under his gaze, not when he’s seen every awkward stage of your life and stuck with you anyways. His eyes have always been familiar to you, an oasis of comfort that you always find yourself drifting toward. But the longer he stares at you, the more you want to run away, hide from the heartbreak you see in his eyes. 

“I think I like you,” he says. “No. I do. Like, as in more than a friend. God, none of these words are working.” 

You stare at him. He’s saying everything you want him to say. He’s saying he likes you. Why can’t you move? 

Vernon runs a hand through his hair, and sighs. “Like I said, I don’t want to ruin things between us, you're still my best friend first. But I’m also sure about how I feel and I don’t want to keep it from you any longer. I can’t stay in this limbo of holding onto something that doesn’t exist, so, I’m really sorry.” 

“Sorry?” You repeat, frowning. “Why are you sorry?” 

“Because… I like you. And that ruins… this.” He gestures between you and him and that’s when you finally realize that he doesn’t know. 

“You dumbass,” you say, “I like you, too.” 

Vernon frowns, mouth hanging open a little, and you have to wonder if you looked this goofy when he was talking. Your heart swells when you realize you’re the reason for it. “You do?” 

“Yes,” you say, grabbing his hand. Your cheeks ache a little, and you realize that you’re smiling wider than you ever have before. You’ve never been this happy, not when you graduated high school, not when you and Vernon found out you got into the same college, not when you got a perfect score on that notoriously impossible chemistry final. “Vernon, I am an idiot that always thought you didn’t feel the way I did so I did everything I could to hide it. But I like you, I really, really do, and I’m sorry I never let it show.” There’s another word for how you feel, but you aren’t quite brave enough to use it yet, even if it’s what you really mean to say. 

Vernon leans closer, pressing his forehead against yours. “We really are dumb, huh?” 

“I can already hear Jihoon’s gloating.”

“He’s been nagging you too?” Vernon groans softly but the smile never leaves his lips. “He’s going to be insufferable.” 

You’ve grown used to silences with Vernon. Sometimes they are painful, like when he tells a joke and only you laugh. Usually they’re peaceful, comfortable silences that can only exist between two people that have nothing left to say but stay together anyways. But this silence is heavy, a weight on your shoulders pushing you to do something, move closer. You’ve known him your whole life but this is foreign territory. 

His breath kisses your lips again and this time you have the bravery to lean forward, just a little. His lips are soft, bottom lip chapped a little more than the top but it is warm and it feels like a first and thousandth at the same time, like unlocking the door to a house you know you’ll spend the rest of your life in. Your mind floats farther and farther away, in some place of impossible happiness that can’t quite believe that this is real. 

A soft cry from somewhere to your left brings you back to earth. You pull away at the same time he does, glancing at the backseat. Right. The kittens. You glance at Vernon, whose mouth is still a little open, eyes wide and flustered. It makes you want to kiss him all over again but you settle for laughing. 

“I guess we should go inside,” he says, leaning away from you though he doesn’t turn his back yet. 

“We should get them settled,” you say, glancing at the carrier again. 

Vernon nods, opening his door and grabbing the heavy box, pausing by the entrance to the building to wait for you to grab the carrier. Silence falls again as you ride the elevator up but you’re more than familiar with it. 

It doesn’t take long to settle Pinky and the kittens, not when Vernon already had a room set up for them. He figures there’s been enough stress for the day and they should get some peace and space to relax, so you stretch out on the couch, taking your usual corner. Vernon sits next to you, the inch of space separating you feeling like a mile. 

Vernon glances at you, chewing on his lip before asking, “You’ll stay?” 

“Always.” 

The grin that splits his face has you swooning all over again, so when he throws an arm over your shoulder, leaning into your side, your brain fully stops functioning. You have to will thoughts into existence, which is silly because it’s Vernon and he’s done this a million times. But when you tuck your head onto his shoulder and he kisses the top of this head, you know everything is different. And exactly how you want it. 

“You’re definitely going to adopt Fried,” you say. 

His laughter bounces you. “No way.” 

“It’s Fried or Muffin. You can’t handle their cuteness, I saw you baby talking at them.” 

“I'll stay strong.” 

“What if I want a kitten?” 

Vernon doesn’t hesitate. “Egg is pretty cute.” 

“Sucker.” 

“Only for you.” 

thank you for reading <3

[thenhlteaissuperhot]

nykki (martin necas' girlfriend) just posted some sort of q&a on her youtube channel and from the translation of the title, she should be talking about the nhl too, could you perhaps watch it and translate the interesting bits for us since its in czech?

This video was actually really interesting.

I have said it in the past already, but Nykki is genuinely one of the most sensible, down-to-earth, and level-headed WAGs I have seen on social media, so her answers were impressive and definitely worth hearing:

She answered the question about how she and Martin met:

Said that it is the most-asked question she gets - "My theory is that some of the people, who are asking me that, probably want to date a hockey player and they don't know how to do that. Personally, I wouldn't go for a hockey player." (she is so real laughing her ass off during that last part)

She would really want to have some sort of romantic story, but they literally started dating because he was constantly liking her photos, then DMed her on Instagram, they started texting and FaceTiming for several months before they actually saw each other in real life and started dating like two months after.

Talked about what it is like living as a (European) WAG, who moved to the US because of her boyfriend:

The players are away for half of the month during the season, so they don't see each other as often as people may think.

It was really hard for her to make friends among the other WAGs in the first year.

Overall, she expressed that she really struggled the first year and even thought that she wouldn't be able to live like that, wanting to go back home.

She also found it really hard to understand the "NHL lifestyle" (said that the term alone seems silly to her to this day) - "It is an extremely particular group of people. Even among the girls, in the room where we meet during the games, there are so many unspoken rules. I am an open book, I like to share my thoughts, and I hate small shallow talks, but I understood quite quickly that it doesn't work like that here and you can't trust everyone. It is everywhere like that - when you come to a room where there are twenty-five girls, at the end of the day, you only get along with a few of them, and I didn't understand that in the beginning. I kinda burned myself."

She can't have a work permit in the US and neither can all the European WAGs because their visas are officially under their partners - said that it is extremely hard for everyone to get a work permit in the US, but for them, it is practically impossible. A lot of other WAGs have tried, they poured a lot of money into the lawyers, and no one, she knows, has so far succeeded.

Where it is possible for the WAGs to obtain work permits, is in Canada - during this part, she also joked that Martin doesn't have a contract for the next year, so maybe they could move there.

Because of this whole work permit issue, she started doing social media, producing music, and writing scripts for some sort of company (the last two I understood are jobs in the Czech Republic, which she does online), making her own money.

She also said that life in Raleigh, North Carolina is quite uneventful compared to Prague, where she is from - however, she is also aware of the fact, that Raleigh is a quite safe place to live and that she can be glad for it because it's not like that everywhere in the States (as she knows from the experiences of other WAGs).

She also answered money-related questions as many people think that her boyfriend pays for everything in her life:

It is crazy for her that some people think that she is dating him only for the money - said that she didn't move across the Atlantic, away from her family and friends, and the established life she had in the Czech Republic, because of designer bags.

Said that all the WAGs (not just hockey ones) always showcase their life on social media to people who follow them in a manner that makes it seem better than it actually is - posting how they go to the games, how they all have their hair done, designer handbags...

She emphasized that they do have it really easy in a lot of things, and that it actually bothers her (personally she wouldn't be able to bear being financially dependent on her boyfriend - at least that's what I think she meant), but that there are also a lot of disadvantages, for example, if she is going to have kids one day in the States, their grandparents aren't going to see them because they are on the other side of the Atlantic.

At the end of the NHL-related segment, she brought up the question "what would you do if you broke up?"

She emphasized that she is one of the lucky ones because she has managed to find a way how to make a living on her own so this question doesn't really worry her because her life would simply continue, just back in Prague, not in the USA, but that many of the girls are studying in the States or just living there with their boyfriends and solely because of their boyfriends, and that once they break up, it is extremely difficult for them.

[three-headed-monster]

brandt/luke: a primer

i'm gonna be super honest, there's nothing that's prompting this. it's quite literally self-indulgent for me to archive their interactions before i forget them all!

so hello ! welcome ! if you're here, i presume you're clicking because you're like 'what the fuck is this, luke hughes and who now?' and yeah that would be me too if i didn't know the background information

but it exists!!! and it has spiralled far beyond my wildest dreams and become an actual Thing that i would consider one of the ships i ride the HARDEST for!!!!!! that i have somehow convinced my closest friends to also ride for, which is the biggest accomplishment for a ship, as we all know

here's who the ship consists of:

luke hughes!

(sorry he looks cursed but this is not a post about how attractive he is)

he was the 4th overall pick in the 2021 draft or smth, no big deal, just comes from an extremely talented hockey family and plays with his brother in new jersey now. used to play at the university of michigan, which unfortunately is an important setting for many, many rarepair ships. don't know if there are really any fun facts about him but he used to model for american eagle and got made fun of for that

anyways here's the second person in the ship, brandt clarke !

(did i choose a significantly better looking photo of him for this than with luke? yes, absolutely, because it's important that you think he's attractive)

8th overall pick to the la kings, former don mills flyer with shane wright and brennan othmann, former barrie colts captain, friends with jack quinn, etc etc. you may actually know him from that time he tried to jump the glass and fight a fan in the stands, i think that video went p viral on hockey twitter. the most important thing you know though is that he has more attitude and swagger in his pinky finger than the majority of people have in their whole BODY

so let's venture back to 2022, and how this all started, with a conversation between me and @fifthovertime about the greater toronto area and its hockey connections

toronto, as many might know, is considered a hockey hotbed, due to its abundance of minor hockey teams. it's where a lot of nhl players come from, and where a lot of players call home and return to in the summers.

luke, prior to moving to michigan with his parents and brothers so quinn could play with the ntdp, used to live in toronto while his dad worked for the leafs. at this time, there were a lot of other young budding stars in the area, brandt clarke included. he'd moved down from ottawa to play on a minor midget team in toronto, the don mills flyers, which was rival minor hockey team to luke's. however, since the toronto hockey scene was so tight (and because brandt's older brother was playing with luke's on the same team), they would periodically see each other and play pond hockey together. as kids do.

don't believe me? hear it from brandt himself. timestamp from about 2:55 of the video to about 3:55.

this is what i like to call interaction #1. of course, it's really just brandt retelling a story, but it's the first time i heard about any sort of friendship between the hughes brothers and the clarkes. very wholesome, you can tell brandt really has a hero complex for luke and jack, it's frankly adorable.

and if you go back, you can even see that brandt was a really supportive friend! he commented on luke’s commitment post to umich and luke liked the comment, at the time

but they’re not friends. no, i’d call them far from that. because slowly....you can start to see that hatred is building........because brandt starts to know he's good enough to go fourth overall. and he would love to go to a team with his brother on it.....but there's another brother standing in the way of that.

he doesn't speak about luke in particular in this interview, but he definitely talks about njd as if he doesn't think it's a realistic option for him

at this point then, the narrative is pretty clear. it was once a friendship, that slipped away from both of them because of distance, and although brandt once had reverence for it, he’s soured on the idea. he wishes he could be good enough to play with his brother too. he hates that luke hughes is good enough at hockey to do it. luke to him is less so an extension of his brothers, but an obstacle for brandt to overcome, an obstacle that stands in the way of everything he wants.

but so far it’s been pretty one sided…right? it’s all kind of just been brandt’s feelings toward luke, right?

behold, the glorious moment that lives entirely rent free in my mind, every. single. day.

i soooo wish i had the video for this (screw tsn for wiping their archives so often) BUT TRUST WHEN I WATCHED IT FOR THE FIRST TIME I AUDIBLY GASPED.

he said it with so much fucking snark, and an EYE ROLL. the inflappable luke hughes, who has seemingly never let an opponent get in the way of him and his friends having fun and kicking ass at the same time, is bothered by a dig from brandt clarke. that didn't even mention him directly! that was more about techniques of the game than it was about the usa players! "he can say what he wants", but he didn't even say anything about YOU

genuinely, i will thank mark masters for bringing this up with luke forever, he's so valid for that, he knew we needed this narrative.

what's even better is that THE NEXT DAY during the semi-final? guess who scores the game-winning goal. and guess who just happens to be flopping like a fish on the ice during it, trying to prevent it from going in.

and thus brandt/luke is born! as taylor describes it as, it is bitch ass cunt (luke) for cunt ass bitch (brandt). they are each other's equals and opposites. they're both cocky and sure of themselves and can give it as good as it gets, and what they like about each other is what happens when that is stripped away. they are undoubtedly MY favourite luke hughes narrative, and the only one i feel truly captures his narrative essence, away from his brothers. sure, others are cute and i can see where people are coming from, but nothing gets luke as much as this gets luke.

this is luke, unfiltered, and it's only brandt that can bring it out of him.

[thedissociatives]

Heeeyyyy, I'm so so intrigued by your hockey posting. I'd love to know more about Fedorov, like what's the lore, what makes him special? Have a nice day/ night <333

good morning/afternoon/evening anon! since you asked so nicely i'll try my best but i do tend to forget everything i know when i have to actually explain it. there is a lot of lore tho so i'm not gonna go over all of it (mainly the bits that interest me the most + some other stuff). i guess what really makes him special (at least to me) is the fact that we don't get players like this anymore. and i'm not talking playing style here (the impact of euro hockey players of the 90s on the nhl today is still so obviously there). a lot of his early career was directly impacted by cold war politics, and since those circumstances haven't existed for a while now, we don't get this insane type of backstories and lore anymore. i should also make it clear that i'm a massive nerd who sat in classrooms for years learning abt soviet stuff which i think definitely has an impact on who My Guys are

seriously there is a lot under the cut so be warned because i did get carried away with myself A Lot (i literally wrote over 1k words on this. sorry in advance)

ok so. sergei started playing "pro" hockey in the soviet union in the mid 80s (i don't think this is the place to explain whether these players were pro or amateur so will leave it like that), first in minsk (only for a year) before being picked up by cska moscow- the central army team. these guys made up most of the national team, which can probably be explained by the fact that their head coach also coached the national team (god that's a bit of a mouthful, but incredibly relevant). he wasn't the only rookie on the team that season; another kid (i think they were both like 16 at the time ?) called alex mogilny had also just arrived in moscow. they would become good friends. sergei would play three seasons for cska before being called up for the national team- he was going to the 1989 world championship. alex would be there, too, having already played on the team before. naturally, the ussr won gold (as they did almost every year). but that doesn't mean everything was good with the players. not long too after the tournament, some of the older players would finally get permission to play in the nhl, but for the younger guys it was looking like they had no way of getting out any time soon. in the days between the end of the championship and the soviet team's flight home, mogilny apparently approached fedorov and asked him to go to america with him- sergei said no, worried about what would happen to his family. alex would go anyway, disappearing for a few days before popping up in buffalo ready to join the sabres. (this might seem irrelevant right now but it's actually really not- i'm getting there now)

that same summer, sergei would be drafted in the fourth round by detroit. this choice may or may not have been influenced by steve yzerman telling them sergei was better than him. after a bit of back and forth, they got him to defect after cska played a series of games in north america. it literally sounds like the type of shit they write in spy films it was fucking mental. this made him only the second soviet to defect in order to play in the nhl i'm pretty sure (defo the second in like 18 months- funnily enough it was his bestie who was the first one. what a coincidence), but they weren't the first two from the other side of the iron curtain to do that. might be wrong but i think that honour goes to the stastny brothers. anyway. when sergei got to detroit he wore 91 because he wanted to "be like stevie" or some insane shit like that. which i literally think about all the time. like seriously what was that about sergei.

okok can't not talk about the russian five so doing that now. since idk how much you know about hockey i'll do a better job on this bit. after sergei arrived in detroit, management must've figured they could get more russians. over the next couple of years they got vladimir konstantinov (who was drafted the same year as sergei) and slava kozlov to make the jump to the states. since i'm mainly talking about sergei i won't go into how they got those two but it's just as unbelievable as you'd expect. after the 1994-95 lockout, the wings traded for another russian- slava fetisov. if you ever want to learn about soviet hockey you'll hear a lot about this guy, and for good reason too. he won two olympic gold medals and seven world championships with the soviet union, and captained most of those teams. obviously adding a guy with that much experience winning was a smart choice imo, even if he hadn't won anything in the nhl yet. by now the wings had four russian players- why not add a fifth ? in 1994 the wings were embarrassed in the playoffs, losing to san jose. it just happened that sj happened to have two of the older soviets who had fought for the right to play in north america. one of them was igor larionov- probably the smartest guy to ever play hockey. it was his tactics (and refusal to change his style of play) that led to his team's success in the first round. and i guess detroit didn't ever want to deal with that again because they ended up trading for the guy in the first part of the 1995-96 season. the russian five first played together in calgary, where they played that style of soviet hockey that nhlers could never really wrap their heads around at the time. they walked all over the flames in their own building, and would continue to do the same to the rest of the league. the five would be a key part of the 1997 stanley cup-winning team, which was the first wings team to lift the cup in over forty years.

sergei stayed to win a few more cups, and then left the city. he signed w the ducks in anaheim, bleached his hair and moved out to california (i think we can all resonate with wanting to change our appearance and move thousands of miles away from where we've spent over a decade building out lives amiright). from what i can tell, this move was Not Liked by detroit's owners (honestly i can't see any other reason his number hasn't been retired there). he'd bounce around a couple more nhl teams before going back to russia to play on the same team as his brother, eventually retiring in 2012.

jumping to 2015, that year's hockey hall of fame inductees included sergei (and nick lidstrom, one of his detroit teammates and one of the best defencemen to every play the game). it was basically a 90s wings reunion. in sergei's induction speech, he did like everyone else and thanked a bunch of people who helped him out throughout his career. and, you know, it was all the expected stuff (hockey guys can be so predictable sometimes), but "to my captain, steve yzerman" still fucking gets me. it had been twelve years since he'd worn a wings jersey. my captain. i think you get my point but i'm gonna have to stop there because i can't carry on and be remotely normal about it.

oh and in 2021, after spending a few years bouncing around random jobs for the team, cska announced that fedorov would be taking over as head coach. he went back to the team where all this started. now i don't know how exactly he is with his team but i sure hope he learned enough from his days there as a player under tikhonov on exactly how not to treat your players. cska won back to back gagarin cups (the trophy awarded to the khl team who wins the playoffs) in sergei'd first two seasons behind the bench, and they're probably looking to make it a threepeat with the playoffs starting today (?)

[inchidentally]

driver move talk below cut! (I've had to censor some anons bc phew I do not want that heat babes)

posting this one first bc these are precisely my sentiments <3 I think Lando might be in Vietnam as well ?? Martin is there and Lando was supposed to visit there and it would crack me up if Oscar was on his run and Lando's on the other side of the planet but neither of them care bc this news is just so insane.

gotta focus on the fun stuff bc I don't think I've fully processed today at all babe!!

I STILL CANNOT FATHOM HOW THIS IS HAPPENING OR WHAT IT WILL LOOK LIKE ANON I JUST CAN'T

and why announce this now ?? all I can think is that it was so close to being scooped by an outlet that they had to get ahead of it bc absolutely none of this was planned well at all

B A B E even if you're not a Carlos fan don't do him like that by comparing him to Otmar !!

and all Oscar is gonna think abt this is 'ahhhh chrisd, fahckin Soainz is gonna be eyven more of a damn dohg afteuh theis malahkee'

I'm sorry to censor you anon and I respect you have your own opinion but I'll get the grief for posting it !!

daaaaaaamn, so this is what Ferrari does huh?

like I am so glad I started out sports fandom in hockey bc the trades could be absolutely brutal sometimes and you could never bother getting too attached to a friendship since one of them could literally be sent across the country - even in the middle of a game.

I was trying to give them the benefit of the doubt that maybe someone was threatening to scoop the story but if they were fine treating Vettel like that... yikes

I can totally see the schadenfreude abt the former principal omg - but I doubt Carlos had much to do w forcing Seb out apart from jumping at the chance to drive for Ferrari. I get that this is prob mostly jokes but I feel like the common enemy of Ferrari needs to remain the target !

anon how can Mark be having a good day when Prize Twink Jenson declares his crush on Fernando - Mark is grinding his teeth, breaking a Sky Sports tablet in his big hands and ... yea probably also plotting Oscar's career ascent

yeaaaaaa anon I'm sorry but I'll never buy into the 'charlos is pure PR stuff' these are real businesses and if driver bromances were so important then they wouldn't do what they've done today lol. charlos is on par w carlando for corporate-condoned publicity appeal so if it was nothing but PR then they'd have arranged a joint video/joint statement video by now and made sure to hang onto those fans the way McLaren did w Carlos and Daniel.

and like, to imagine that Carlos and Charles are such good actors all this time is hysterical. I'm not being mean here anon I just truly can't accept that even half of their chemistry is wholly planned and contrived.

listen, everyone except Oscar (bless his innocent unpretending little heart) recognizes that their relationships to other drivers play a worthwhile role in their own image and PR and that bromances = publicity. Carlos and Lando aren't even as close as Lando and Max V but carlando took off and stayed so popular that they'd be idiots to not keep bringing it up and capitalizing on things like Singapore and the driver parades. they are absolutely great friends! all of the easy friendliness you see is legit! but the fake gay flirting and the over the top bantering is solely for the benefit of us fans lol. it's the exact same dynamic with Lando and Daniel. they're very much friends, but they do exactly the same banter and handsy stuff as carlando. it's nothing sinister or calculating.*

so do Carlos and Charles do the same thing for the benefit of fan engagement and their own brands as drivers? oh hell yes they do lol. does it mean they aren't actually friends or that they have no real chemistry or it's all some ice cold arrangement involving Ferrari? alfgaslgflafg NO. if anything the fact that they've stayed so naturally warm and friendly in all their publicity work despite what their own ahem social circles may be stirring up online and in the media is proof that they aren't having to work at their chemistry very hard.

and like... Ferrari of all teams ?? does not need a charlos bromance - or any bromance - for shit. the biggest legacy team in F1 - and an Italian team at that - couldn't give a fuck if their two drivers are friends or what they get up to when they're not in the car as long as it's not flagrantly illegal. they want points, then wins, then championships. the name Ferrari alone is their PR.

and it is totally everyone's right to feel how they want to about drivers but for me personally I just do not engage in stanning or pretending that any F1 driver is pure as driven snow when it comes to forwarding their own career. it's as cutthroat as you can get out there and they've all tested the track limits of what's technically fair or above board in their search for a WDC.

*are McLaren PR and media teams clearly less interested in Oscar than Carlos or Daniel bc Oscar won't ham himself up and is so singularly incapable of faking it around Lando that he often just stands/sits there sometimes and watches Lando with his mouth open? yes. do I hope they realize that we find his dynamic w Lando charming and sweet even without the bromance stuff? yes.

[myloveforhergoeson]

man at this point idc what the btr boys are doing lmaoo im so invested in how roxy & dak are gonna go. do we ever see roxy's pool date with jo & camille? i wanna know what they think about this whole roxy dak mess he's putting her through....

hello! i wanted to respond to this rq bc i've literally been thinking about it all day

thank you for being interested in dak and roxy i was so scared people would stop reading after i introduced that little plot line! all i've gotta say is... roxy writes based off life experience or scenarios she creates in her head... so... yeah... hahahaha

i did not originally intend to show roxy's pool date with jo and camille but i will write it tomorrow after i get off work and post it asap! i've been writing the season one finale for literal weeks at this point and i'm starting to go crazy over it so itll be nice to get into a different little one shot for a bit. i'll post it in a reblog of this question so we can all find it :)

more under the cut !!!!

right now i will give you a little sneak peek about how EVERYONE feels about the roxy-dak mess because i'm generous like that, and i don't really get to show everyones feelings on it in the story bc we only get inside her head... there's a bit in chapter 13 where we see a little bit of how the guys feel about it, but i didn't want to make it a whole thing and then it kinda turned into a whole thing 🤷‍♀️

anyway: how my characters view love and roxy's relationship through some cannon events and my own personal beliefs

jo: takes absolutely no shit when it comes to love, we see this when kendall has his thing with lucy... she grew up listening to boy bands and has a standard for how men should treat her <3 plus i think she's been in one non-serious "we went on a few dates so i guess he's my boyfriend" relationship from back home so she has a little experience. she thinks dak isn't worth any more of her time after he stood her up but she is afraid to voice this to her bestie...

camille: is a hopeless romantic and would go nearly to the ends of the earth for the ones she loves. she's a "if it's meant to be, it's meant to be" kinda gal and at age 16 fully believes logan is the love of her life. i think he's her first partner! she wants roxy to be as in love as she is and thinks that, while shitty, the whole standing her up thing is just a bump in the road on their way to everlasting love

carlos: pre-established to have never been in a relationship but he's like a silly jock so i'm sure he's been on at least a few dates! he has older sisters in my story (because he feels like he was written by a woman (me. i'm that woman.)) so you know he knows the proper way to show a date a good time! he thought roxy looked so pretty on her first date and he just wants her to have a good time and be happy. if dak makes her happy, he's happy! and he was actually kind of okay with the stand up thing because they got to hang out and dance together <3

kendall: captain (?? i don't think i made this up... this is in the show right?) of the hockey team in a midwestern high school. he's had a few partners and i know his mother whooped his ass (metaphorically) into shape after she found out he goofed around too hard and hurt someone he went out with on accident... as for the roxy and dak affair, he may or may not have picked up on the fact one of his good buddies may or may not like her... he's not a fan but will not say anything bc he isn't in the business of telling her what to do (she will hit him with her songbook very hard)

logan: while a believer in his love science, he's yet to find a way to quantify how he feels about camille after the party in chapter 10 :) he dated a bit his first few years in high school (mostly double dates with james? i also think is a fact from the show), and has had a few non-serious partners but he's never felt this way about anyone else! in his love science-y world, he can tell that dak does not feel the same way about roxy as she feels about him. if he did, he would've come to the party. simple love science!

james: good lord! he has dated anyone who is someone at mountain aire high school and it's always been to elevate or retain his own social status. so when he's normally a flirt for fun, or because it makes his boring little small town feel less boring, it's always been a game to him. except somewhere along the way of flirting out of habit with his new friend, he might have started to actually mean some of the things he's said. he thinks dak's a douche for standing her up and he's trying to make that clear to her the only way he knows how: vague hints and comments here and there. another established james fact is he's never been dumped, so i imagine this brings up a little bit of fear of rejection in him as well. he has trouble voicing his own feelings as well, since he's always trying to come across as perfect.

whoo boy that was way more than i though it was gonna be lol. if you make it this far, you deserve a medal. thanks for the suggestion! i'm excited to write the pool date... we haven't had enough roxy/jo/camille in the fic lately

[lilalbatross]

5, 10, 15, 16, 19, 27, 29, 30 for the ao3 ask meme <33

oh boy okay here we go

5. What work of yours got more feedback than you expected?

definitely Anything for you, my Shoresy fic. teeny tiny fandom for a weird niche canadian hockey comedy, but the response i got was really lovely and it's somehow in my top 5 for kudos, comments, and bookmarks. that was the first thing i posted after a couple brutal months for mental health and writers block, so those comments and stuff are really special to me

and then a special mention to chapters 6 and 7 of Austin Alone because people came fucking flying out of the woodwork to scream at us within the first couple hours of posting lmao i don't think i'll ever see anything like that ever again

10. What work was the quickest to write?

oh hands down it's What the fuck is with the spatula?, which i wrote in a single 4ish-hour sitting and a lot of that time was spent rewatching the Are You The One? ep they're watching so i could get the sequence of events right lmao. look, i just have a lot of feelings about drunk idiots brute forcing their way through complex probability with a spatula, and i needed to project that onto my otp

15. What WIP are you taking into next year with you?

dragging the carcasses of so many half-written fics, but trying to actively work on Acesodyne, which is a billy x owen post-1x07 multichap canon divergence about injury and music and grief and healing and i’m trying not to let it spiral out of control and it may not ever get posted even if i do finish it but hey we’ll give it a shot.

also determined to actually finish Downpour, which literally started as just “i bet if they stood in the rain Billy’s hair would get in his face and it would be cute and Owen would kiss him about it” and somehow turned into a bit of a trauma and body worship thing??? idk don’t ask me i don’t have any answers but i do have a 2.5k partial draft that i should put some hours into

16. What’s your most common “Additional Tags” tag?

lol it's "Established Relationship" from all my billy x owen oneshots where they're together at the start and i'm not giving you all the fucking backstory for how that happened, just jump in and we're off.

(...but also you and i know that the "how that happened" is usually Austin Alone if people know what details to look for lmao)

19. What’s one pairing you want to explore next year?

i don’t see myself drifting away from billy x owen any time soon, so definitely gonna keep thinking about those bastards more than literally anybody else in this fandom (except you lol). i also want to do more Shoresy/Goody. i wrote the one oneshot, but i have a multichap outline that needs some massaging and i think could be interesting. and i get to slam more canadiana into fic, which i really can’t do when all my other shit takes place in texas lmao

and then i’m sure i’ll get surprised by a pairing and end up spitting out something isn’t even on my radar yet. who knows, maybe i’ll finally find a Ted Lasso pairing that i want to write about. Colin and...[insert name here idk we’ll see but if i write about anyone it’ll probably be Colin]

27. What do you listen to while writing?

*gestures vaguely at my entire spotify wrapped* no but seriously. depends on the fic but i’ll generally have a playlist, album, or even song that i loop for each fic. sitting there long after midnight had a very angsty playlist. touch the sky and bite the asphalt was Maneskin’s album Teatro d’ira hence the fic title. i’m pretty sure with a gift for burning was Let Me Drown by Orville Peck. Acesodyne’s playlist is heavier on acoustic guitar/pop-punk because it’s a lot of songs that i know how to play on guitar so i can connect a physicality to what i’m trying to write

29. Favorite line/passage you wrote this year?

gonna resist every bone in my body that wants to be self-deprecating and couch this with all the weaknesses i see etc etc. big fan of this paragraph from with a gift for burning:

So many voices he wants to hear tonight. Numbers he knows by heart, burned into his muscle memory and connected to nothing. Harkes’ line had stayed in service the longest. Nobody canceled his contract, and it rang to voicemail for months before the unpaid bills piled up and his line was cut off. Billy called, again and again on bad nights, until his mouth shaped the words in time with Harkes’ rhythm. “Yo, it’s Jake. Leave a message if you want, but you should have just texted.” The last time he called, a confused teenage girl picked up and Billy threw his phone against the wall.

I was a little drunk when i wrote it, and then when i reread it i immediately had a moment of “oh :(” and then i knew i was onto some shit and it helped me break the direction the rest of the fic was gonna go lol

30. Biggest surprise while writing this year?

I did not expect my stuff to steer so hard into angst quite as much as it does???

but also in some ways biggest surprise was just that i...can... (don’t look at me)

send me ao3 wrapped questions if you want

[abschaumno1]

On fandom, shipping and boundaries

Since I have seen a lot of talk about boundaries and shipping over the last couple days, and because that has led to me doing a lot of thinking on it/ I just wanted to share my few cents on the topic.

For those who haven’t seen me talk about this before I should probably mention that I’ve been in fandom for over ten years and in RPF spaces for six years now. So that’s the background that informs my opinions.

So let’s get into this.

Most of the arguments I see center around the opinion that we as fans need consent from content creators to essentially do anything in fandom. Which is right where it starts for me to be honest.

Fandom is and has always been a subculture where fans of a thing meet and exchange their ideas and create art and fic and all sorts of other transformative works for each other. Emphasis on “for each other”.

As a fan I am in fandom spaces to talk to other people who like the same things I do, and I am in fandom spaces to share with other fans what I create based on the things we like (fanfic in my personal case).

Over the past ten years I have watched the increasing shift towards where fandom is more out in the open, and where fans apparently feel like they can and should approach creators with the things they used to share in fandom circles. Obviously some creators have made it clear that they don’t have a problem with that, have actively encouraged it, or admitted to seeking it out to some extend. I think the most famous example for this is probably Bryan Fuller and his enthusiasm about Hannibal fandom in general and Hannigram fanworks in particular, or Mads Mikkelsen, who to my knowledge has publicly admitted to reading (and liking) explicit Hannigram fic. They made that decision for themselves and I think that’s great for them.

Now here’s also the heart of the issue for me. Because I am a very strong believer in the fourth wall, meaning that there is fandom and then there is the spaces where we get to interact with the creators (cons, more recently social media accounts), and yes, sometimes those things intersect, but that does not mean the fourth wall is and should be disregarded.

Shipping especially (since that’s the reason I am writing this post) is a subset of fandom. Not everyone in fandom ships; not everyone in fandom wants to ship. And that’s completely fine. We’re all here to have fun and we all look for different things from what we do in fandom. But at no point does that entitle any of us to demand others to cater to what we personally want from fandom. And at no point does any of this mean we should feel like we have to ask for permission to do the things we do.

Fandom is not just transformative, it is transgressive. Modern fandom, especially modern slash fandom got popularised by women writing queer content about Star Trek in the 1970s (the first published slash story was published in a zine in 1974). And yes, there are cases where I would argue for being publicly transgressive, but I do not think that this should apply to fandom, and being transgressive means that I can and will do things without regard to what any creator wants me to do.

And this is where we go back to the fourth wall and the question of boundaries. I have seen a trend in Hermitcraft fandom specifically where people approach content creators to ask them what their boundaries are and compile lists of who is fine with what. And that in itself crosses a boundary for me.

See one of the most important things I learned in fandom in general, and in Hockey RPF specifically is that the fourth wall is one of the most important boundaries we have in fandom. Shipping is for us. Not for the creators or the professionals involved. And I will be honest with you, none of the shippers I know in Hermitcraft fandom actively share their shippy stuff with creators. In fact, a lot of them feel uncomfortable at the mere suggestion that any of the Hermits could read or see their shipping content.

Asking the Hermits (and other content creators) what they think about shipping and whether they are okay with it is crossing that boundary, and in my personal opinion it shows a disregard for the content creators these “fans” presumably care about. If you actually want to respect them, just keep that stuff away from them. They are adults, if they happen to find it they can decide to ignore it. And if they decide not to ignore it then that is their own decision. A decision they can make for themselves, because once again, they are adults.

But people will use even ambiguous statements or non-statements and twist them to mean what they think they should mean and then go and harass people who kept this content to their own circles and sharing it with others who want to see it and try to tell them what they can and cannot do. They will tell you “I don’t speak for them” and then tell you that the only way to read a statement is their way. The moment you take an ambiguous statement or a statement that has never been made and say "this means that" without letting the person in question clarify, you are attempting to speak for them. And no, this does not mean I want people to ask the Hermits for clarification. I want people to not bring this up with the Hermits at all

And I have seen the concept of consent being brought up in this context and I am just going to say it: The concept of consent does not apply here.

The concept of consent as used by anti-shippers and yes, also shippers insistent on respecting these boundaries, whether they are correctly interpreted or not, is the concept of consent we apply to s*xual encounters. And that concept does not apply here. At all.

Consent as applied to s*xual encounters is a legal tool used to determine whether an encounter was unconsensual and thus breaking the law, or not.

I have seen an analogy being thrown around where creating shipping content without being told by the person you create it about that they are okay with it is the same as walking up to a stranger and holding their hand without asking if they are okay with it.

This analogy is false.

A more fitting analogy would be this: You see a stranger and you would like to hold their hand. You walk up to them to ask if you can, potentially making them feel uncomfortable. This is what people asking Hermits about whether they are okay with shipping are doing.

Or you could quietly draw art of yourself holding the stranger's hands or write about it, and not show it to them, meaning they will never know, which has literally no effect on them whatsoever. This is what shippers are already doing.

We all have fantasies. It's human to have fantasies. There is nothing wrong with that. The moment this becomes an issue is when we ignore the boundaries of the objects of our fantasies and tell them about them unsolicited.

Another thing I want to make abundantly clear here is the following: The Hermits are not your friends.

They may be accessible online and they may even talk to fans online, but they are not our friends. We know as much as they are willing to share publicly. Nothing more and nothing less. What we know about and of them is a public persona. And yes, that persona may or may not include aspects of their real personalities, but at the end of the day they are effectively strangers.

Accessibility online does not mean we are entitled to cross boundaries we would not cross in real life either. And someone talking to you about something unrelated does not make you entitled to ask them frankly invasive questions about things they might not have encountered or put much thought into without you asking those questions.

Furthermore, I would like us all to remember what happened when ZombieCleo came out and told anti-shippers that they should stop harassing shippers. This fandom has a history and considering that history, I am not surprised when Hermits give ambiguous statements or try to avoid saying anything, even ignoring for a moment that it's invasive. If I had witnessed people bully my friend and that same community is now asking me to state my opinion on the same issue I would think twice about how to reply. Especially if I rely on that same community for part of my income.

This is a lot of text already and I could probably find more to say but I'll wrap it up here. If you have any concerns or want to discuss points further my ask box is open. Just don't be an asshole.

[jankwritten]

percy jackson check please crossover AU where Georgia seeks out and recruits Percy out of New York (ignoring the fact that I don't know At All how that kind of stuff works) during Jack's second season, and Percy goes and lives with him.

the actual AU starts during what would be Percy's third season when he's out on a run in a rival city and bumps into his love interest (who i will not be naming because I Will Be Bullied) who then, for some reason, he continues to see ALL OVER THE PLACE. There's a hockey charity event in New York - Love Interest is randomly there. They have a game in Las Vegas - LOVE INTEREST. They play against the team from the first city they met in (and Percy beats the living hell out of one of the opposing team's d-men for calling Nico a slur) and OPE THERE'S THE LOVE INTEREST!!! also percy's nickname is Seas. Because I say so.

There IS a rumor that Jack and Percy are dating or have hooked up despite the fact that Jack is happily married. Jack and Percy and Bitty think it's pretty fun to actively engage with the rumors and post pictures to make the rumor look more plausible (Jack says it's healing from when he and Kent used to hide every SLIVER of their relationship from the media). The rumor might or might not be true regardless - they will never say.

also Nico is the Falcs backup goalie in this AU. Yes he is still short. No I don't care that most NHL goalies are enormous dudes. Nico di Angelo was drafted to the Falcs in the first round at 18. Nico's nickname is "Angel" because "god above that kid becomes something holy in the net. OH SHIT HOLY LIKE HOLES IN THE NET HAHA-" (somebody throws a shoe at Percy's head)

Jason Grace is also there, he is a hockey prodigy was literally abandoned on the steps of an ice skating rink when he was a baby by his Olympic Gold Medalist Figure Skater mommy Beryl Grace just a year after her final run in the Olympics where she didn't even place for a medal. Jason Grace who has been predicted to be the next Jack Zimmermann since pretty much the day he entered the hockey spotlight. Jason Grace who, yes, has a LOT OF anxiety. Jason is more part of Nico's story than Percy's Because I Said So. Kent Parson met Jason at a training camp once and instantly adopted him and has been swearing that he WILL get Jason drafted to the Aces as SOON AS POSSIBLE (as if he has that power) and Jason is just reluctantly BFFs with him. Reluctantly mentored by him. Reluctant In General.

(Jason and Nico also meet at a training camp but Nico is blindfolded at the time because I dunno hockey drills or something and Jason instantly falls in love because how did this blindfolded goalie just actually block his shots how is that possible kid is a wizard and Jason Is In Love)

Anyway Percy and Bitty are best friends but Percy and Jack are INSEPARABLE the team jokes that Jack is like Percy's dad but oh if they only knew. Also Snowy instantly adopted Nico because "that kid is a recipe for disaster WAITING to happen".

Percy and Lardo? Best friends. Lardo despised him when they first met because he was being a dick about her name and her friends and basically just being A Dick but then Jack kept bringing him around to Haus parties and Bitty kept telling her that Percy really isn't like that all the time, he was just concussed (which to be fair he was concussed) she slowly realized that nah, mans is pretty chill. Shitty and Percy aren't the best of friends or anything but they definitely get along well. Percy hates Holster but only within the frame of the actual story because Holster freaks the hell out of his Love Interest. Percy likes Ransom because Ransom is generally more chill than Holster and Ransom was, shockingly enough, the first person of the Haus group to treat him like a human (rather than as Jack's friend or as A Famous Hockey Guy even though he wasn't really all that famous yet).

I may or may not have an entire roster for the Falcs drawn up specifically for this AU. I also may or may not have an entire timeline drawn up for this AU.

[beetlegoose01]

Frostbite (Casetello)

AN: do these two have a ship name? Caseytello? eh whatever it’s casey x donnie and they’re gay

special thanks to cal for reading this for me and saying i should post it <3

There were quite a lot of things Casey Jones loved. Hockey, pizza, riding his motorcycle, video games, beating the crap out of his opponents. Normal teenage stuff. Lately he had been doing the latter, ever since he and April officially joined the 'Unofficial Turtles Team' , helping alongside the teen mutants on patrol. Goofing off with Mikey and Raph were the highlights, but he couldn't deny spending extra time with April was also a benefit. Even if they barely got a single word out- too busy fighting off random mutants scattering the city, it was still nice.

But what wasn't nice, downright unpleasant about patrol...was Donatello. There was an unspoken, mutual loathing that the pair shared that even quick glances at each other led to glaring and arguing. Leaving them together in the same room was never a good idea. Casey hasn't understood why the purple genius was so hostile towards him at first. But the reasons became obvious the first time he caught him staring helplessly at April, fumbling his words and blushing profusely. Not that Casey didn't feel similarly, heck, that was the problem. Both were attracted to April. Obviously Casey had the upper hand, being human. A turtle and a human girl in a relationship was built for disaster.

But their hatred didn't stop there. It wasn't just about April.  Eventually, everything about Donatello annoyed him. His whiny voice, his love for using complicated words to sound superior, soon every little thing bugged him.

Things were easier if the two stayed as far apart as possible.

Of course, fate seemed to work in mysterious ways.

It was starting to get late, the moonlight illuminating the sky. The group stopped on a rooftop, perched by the edge. Leo halted them silently, then turned around.

"Why'd you stop, Fearless?" Raph asked.

"I think we should split up. We'll cover more ground. If you see any sign of trouble, use your T-Phones." said Leo.

"No way dudes!" Mikey squeaked. "I saw this scary movie last night where the team split up! And then..." He paused for dramatic effect. "They all got taken out one by one. Starting with the cute funny one!" He trembled, hiding behind Donnie, who rolled his eyes.

Raph smirked, always prepared for a sassy remark. "Which means, you'll be just fine since you're neither of those."

"Hey!"

"And you'll be in pairs." Leo crossed his arms. "I've got it all planned out. Raph and April. Mikey and me."

"Mikey and I." Donnie corrected under his breath. Casey fought the urge to whack the smart aleck turtle with his hockey stick.

Leo ignored him. "Donnie and Casey-"

Casey involuntary let out a loud groan. Just his luck.

Leo narrowed his blue eyes, unamused. "Something wrong, Jones?"

"Er..." His eyes darted to Donatello, who seemed stoic, but equally frustrated with this predicament. On one hand, he wanted to argue and beg to be with literally anyone else. On the other, he didn't want to deal with the leader in blue getting annoyed with him.  "Nah Leo, that's fine by me. Right, D?"

Donnie huffed. "Yeah, that's alright."

"I think this will be good for you both." April grinned.

"Of course, April." Donnie agreed.

"No problem at all." Casey smiled through gritted teeth. When she turned away, they both shared an equally menacing glare.

"I knew I could count on you two." April smiled softly, though even she didn't look entirely convinced.

This was going to be a long night.

~•~

Turns out, Casey had underestimated the scrawny (ugh, svelte) turtle. In what Donnie lacked in muscle, he gained with his speed, mobility and of course, his mind. It was practically impossible to keep up once Donatello had leaped from the first building, tumbling and landing with ease, while Casey was coughing his lungs out as he ran desperately after the brainy terrapin.

"Okay, now you're just showing off." He panted irritably, nearly collapsing once he finally caught up with him.

"Are you coming or not?" Donnie gave his trademark gap tooth grin as he turned, slowing down.

"I am! You're just moving too fast!" Casey complained. "I thought turtles were supposed to be slow! I didn't even have time to get my grappling hook."

Donnie shrugged, ending the conversation with one simple movement.

They walked side by side, neither wanting to say anything. They both knew it would only end in arguing.

"Can I just say-" Casey started.

"No, you can't."

"I didn't say anything!"

"Exactly."

"Listen, Gap Tooth, I don't like this either!" He flicked a stone off the roof with his shoe. "But we have to ..." He swallowed. "work together, right?"

Donnie said nothing. He looked deep in thought.

"Is it because of April? Because it's not my fault she...y'know likes me more."

At the mention of April, Donnie turned away, eyes flashed with hurt, which only filled Casey with that annoying feeling of guilt.

"It isn't about her."

"Alright." Silence. "Sorry, let's just-" He cleared his throat. "Let's just work together, we don't need to be friends. Just get through the mission. After that, we can go back to hating each other."

"That was...surprisingly mature, Jones. Glad we can agree on something." Donnie quipped. "And for once, you're right. This mission is more important than our petty squabbles. No matter how insufferable you may be."

"Now you're just making up words."

Donnie fought the urge to roll his eyes. "So, that's two more hours of this."

Casey scoffed, but couldn't help but chuckle. Quietly of course. Last thing he wanted was for Donnie to think he was actually amusing.

"So...deal?"

"Deal." Donnie said, then added: "Cave Mouth." Which made Casey shove him lightly.

For a brief moment, they seemed to share a mutual understanding. The silence that followed wasn't awkward or forced, it was comfortable. Well, as comfortable as they could possibly be.

Donnie paused, startled by something. Lifting his bō carefully, he tried to follow whatever the sound was.

"What the-" Casey raised an eyebrow.

"Shh!" He hissed. "Do you hear that?"

"No?" Casey scrunched his nose, listening closely. It sounded like a...buzzing noise? Like a fly or mosquito. Irritating, but not dangerous. "Chill Don, it's just a bug or something."

"No, listen!" The turtle looked frantic and alert.

The buzzing became louder. Then, it was followed by the sound of snapping wood. Deliberate and exact. Casey gulped, taking his own weapon.

A massive shadow flew over their heads and landed in front of them. Donnie yelped in surprise, stumbling forward.

"Ah, shell." He swore, lifting his head to face the hideous insectoid mutant with acid green eyes. Scumbug spread his deformed wings, antenayes raised, prepared to strike.

"Well, I was right. That definitely is a bug. Scumbug! Wicked! This'll be fun!" Casey sneered.

"Which makes no sense, considering stag beetles aren't even bugs! They're insects!" Donnie spun his staff like a propeller, hitting the mutant face on.

"Not the time!" Casey tackled Scumbug, who roared, jostling him aside like a ragdoll. He smacked the floor with a sickening thud, directly on his arm. He fought back a scream of agony.  "Do you- gah- seriously have to be such a know it all, all the time?" He looked at his arm, which currently looked seriously messed up.

Donnie looked affronted. "I am not a know it all!"

"Yes you are!" Another whack of his trusty hockey stick, followed by a knock to the ground, face first. He wiped his mouth from the metallic taste of blood.

"No I'm not!"

"Yes you- Donnie, look out!" Casey shrieked, sounding less manly than he intended.

Scumbug, now furious, had efficiently used his enemies' bickering to his advantage. Before he could turn around, a spider web twirled from its appendages binding Donatello to the ground, who kicked and struggled furiously.

The mutant now crouched over the captured turtle, prepared to strike with his signature acid spit.

"Hang on, D! Casey Jones is here to save the day! GOONGALA!" He bellowed, racing towards Scumbug and latching onto him like a demented parasite. It was hardly the most graceful of moves, but it distracted him briefly.

He raised his hockey stick, poking him hard in the eye in an attempt to gouge them. Eyes were sensitive- he remembered Splinter telling him that.

With the extra time, Donnie reached for his bō, ripping the web apart with the extended naginata blade.

Scumbug, now looking more disheveled and horrifically disfigured than normal, retreated blindly into the misty air.

"I didn't need your help." Donnie said bitterly.

"Aw, is that any way to say thank you?" Casey retorted. "I just saved your shell." He poked his plastron roughly. "I think I deserve a little appreciation for my heroism."

"I had it handled."

"Did you? Because you looked just about ready to be eaten by Scumbug."

Donatello scowled, moving closer. "And he got away. So your heroism didn't exactly work, did it?"

"Would you rather have acid stuck to your face?" Casey growled. "You'd look even freakier than you do now. Next time you're a little 'turtle in distress' don't expect me to come save your-"

"I didn't need saving." Their foreheads pressed together, any moment ready to face each other on.

Casey gritted his teeth. "Sure, whatever you say. I didn't help because I actually cared about you or anything."

"Then why did you?" Donnie snapped, pulling away. "You could have left me."

"Because I- you- argh!" Casey felt his temper rising. "Because I'm not a monster, alright? We're a team, and we help each other. That's the deal." He wiped his chapped lips again, the disgusting taste of blood still lingering. He winced, clutching his arm.

"I can patch you up at the lair." Donnie said softly. "It just looks sprained."

"Mm." Casey grumbled, still pissed. Stubbornness was taking over any injury he had. He'd rather have his arm stay at this awkward angle than admit he was hurt in front of his rival. "I'll just wrap it up at home. I'll be fine."

Donnie sighed, raising his palm to his face. "Don't be so stubborn, I can help you."

Casey didn't look convinced.

"To repay the favor?" His warm brown eyes looked surprisingly sincere. "You did help me, after all. I'd probably be toast if you didn't."

Casey snorted. "You got that right."

A beat. Donnie looked unsure, as if he wanted to say something else. But whatever it was, it was holding him back.

"So...we should go back to the lair then?" Casey suggested, easing the awkwardness.

"Huh? Yes, of course. Totally. " Donnie nodded. "Naturally."

"Alright then."

"Jones?"

Casey turned, raising an eyebrow. "Yeah?"

"I just wanted to say...thanks."

"Hey, no problem. But don't tell anyone I saved your ass."

"Deal."

~•~

Casey never expected to be sitting in Donnie's lab table, in between Timothy the blob-organ filled mutant and several bunsen burners, but life tended to be weird that way. He also didn’t expect to be pouting on said table like he was at some freaky doctor’s office. The rest of the team returned shortly after them, and seemed surprised that Donnie was actually willing to fix Casey's arm- and not begrudgingly.

Donnie returned with a first aid kit, setting it on the table. He hummed a familiar tune to himself, as if to fill the empty air of any more awkwardness.

"I've seen these before." Casey said, poking the bunsen burner tap, immediately then swatted away by Donatello. "At my school's science lab."

Donnie nodded, rolling up Casey's sleeve to examine his bare arm. Casey flinched, not comfortable with the random act of touching. "Hey don't!"

"Do you want your arm fixed or not?"

"...yeah."

"Then let me work my magic."

Casey frowned, staring at the bottle the turtle was holding. "Your magic looks like antibiotics and advil."

Donnie's lip twitched.

After his arm was treated somewhat, Donnie wrapped him up gently with a clean bandage. The slow movement made his heart race increase every time Donnie's fingertips brushed his arm, but he ignored it.

Don't be weird, Jones.

"That should be good. Don't put any pressure on it." said Donnie, passing him the advil. "And take this, it'll soothe the pain."

Casey pretended to look offended. "Here I thought you were gonna kiss it better."

Donnie rolled his eyes up to the ceiling. "Don't push it, Jones. We aren't there yet."

Casey laughed. "Yet. Thanks for fixin' my arm, D. You...aren't so bad, I guess. But let's go back to hating each other, alright?"

Donnie smirked. "Whatever you say."

[kittydemon9000]

Alright so I know Literally Nobody asked for this but the idea of leaguers having differnt armor types, speeds, and strengths is so fascinating to me so here’s an entire post about my headcanons about it, staring the Main 7 since they’re the ones we see most and have the most evidence for. 

Also, please keep in mind that this is completely made based on memory alone and it’s been a bit since I last saw the show. If I missed something or remembered something wrong feel free to correct me or add your own thoughts.

Also also, I made a chart (the chart is based on the strongest for the leaguer, not out of all of them, ex: Top Joy’s strongest is different from GZ’s strongest)

First off, the leader of Silver Castle himself, Magnum Ace, a Baseball Leaguer. Right off the bat(hah puns) I immediately knew his arms would be the strongest points. He seems to have been created with him being a pitcher in mind and his 44 Sonic has clearly been shown to posses a lot of power which he would need the strength to handle. There’s also how he was shown to be a decent hitter in Gold Arm’s flashback, sending every ball into the outfield. As for his weakest points, they were also pretty easy. The joints are a bit of a constant with all of the leaguers I showed, but the fins are because they seem to be rather thin and probably can’t hold up very well under pressure. There’s also the shoulder joints, which I wasn’t able to put on the diagram, since as shown during the end of the series, if Magnum repeatedly pitches his 44 Sonic without rest the stress on his shoulders start to cause them to break down, to the point where he was forced to sit out for the next few days for repairs. Speed wise Magnum is nothing special and in my eyes pretty average amongst the team.

Next up, we have Mach Windy, a Soccer Leaguer. Similar to Magnum, I knew almost immediately his strongest point would be his legs since, y’know, soccer. Everything(physical) we see coming from Windy is almost always centered around his leg strength and speed. This is outright said when Silver Castle is resting after some baseball training and Magnum tells Windy(I shit you not) “We believe in your leg.” There’s also his Mach Spin which depends entirely on his ability to kick to ball at an extremely high speed. There’s also a scene when trying to help Gold Foot during the Forced Retirement Arc where his kicks a ball of solid rock without any issues. The scene also brings me to why his head is a strong point. Heading is also something Windy has been shown to be able to do, and referencing the Forced Retirement Arc again where he head butts the aforementioned ball of rock. For speed, as mentioned before, when it comes to running Windy seems to be the fastest amongst Silver Castle. The weakness I feel is pretty self explanatory since soccer doesn’t really require use of your arms unless you’re a goalie. There’s also how in the Jet Setter episode Bull sees Windy loose an arm wrestle almost immediatly with Ryuuken, but that might just be since Ryuuken is ridiculously powerful. As for durability, he seems to be not very strong, instead having lighter armor for more speed.

Speaking of Ryuuken, let’s talk about the Karate Leaguer. As you can see, his strongest part is his armor, aka almost all of him. As a karate leaguer, Ryuuken was probably created with the intent of being able to take a lot of hits. There’s also the running joke of a member of another team attacking him with all their power and him not budging and saying something along the lines of “I feel nothing.” Strength wise, we get a taste of his crazy power is during his first spotlight episode where he was practicing kicking with Windy, to which he accidentally broke the stone wall surrounding the field. He then unlocks more of his power when rescuing Ruri from the factory, but we don’t see his real power until the Forced Retirment arc. There we got to see when going to rescue Magnum, Windy, and the Gold Bros how he opened a literal chasm into the ground with a single punch, though I can’t remember if it was rock, metal, or both, but that’s still pretty impressive, and that was before he unlocked his Heart Kit in the Death Football Arc which only increased his power. And then during the OVA when the Fighter Brothers try to fight Windy’s new team and they use their pitch, a pitch that nobody had been able to hit before, Ryuuken straight up punches it with seemingly no backlash and getting a home run all because they made him mad.….maybe it’s a good thing Ryuuken is so innocent and calm. Speed wise, Ryuuken seems to be on the slower side of the team, however I do think Ryuuken(alongside Juurouta) would have the best reflexes. This one is completely headcanon and I don’t have much proof, it just makes sense to me.

Next up, we have Bull Armor, a Football Leaguer. His armor and helmet are easily his strongest parts, for mostly obvious reasons. Multiple times throughout the series he is seen tanking blows that would normally knock another leaguer to the ground, most notably when he’s Silver Castle’s goalkeeper in soccer and catcher in baseball. However, his durability seems to be different from Ryuuken’s since he is still moved by the attacks but can bounce back from more. His durability seems to be pretty tied to his strength too since he is one of the only leaguers who has been shown to catch Magnum’s 44 Sonic. There’s also how when he was first introduced he stopped and lifted a truck much larger than himself with relative ease in order to stop it from hitting a young boy. His speed however is admittedly a bit harder to figure out. He seems to be much larger and heavier, however as shown when he lost control in his past he still has the ability to charge down opponents at a speed in which they can’t properly evade, though it’s up for debate whether they were trying to properly evade or trying to reason with him.

Juurouta, a Kendo Leaguer, is next. His durability is more basic compared to the others, mostly focusing around his Armor Armor(no that was not a typo). Said Armor Armor also seems to be protecting the joints which may or may not be intentional, but I’m going with it. His fins share the same logic with Magnum, as do his joints with everyone else. His strength mostly seems to be localized in his arms, which makes sense since he is a kendo leaguer. His strength was first shown in comparison to the others when he was the first person to hit Gold Arm’s Genocide Screw with a hit(discounting Bull since he technically kicked it). There’s also how in the Arctic he was able to cut down the  blizzard machine, however that spent all his energy. Speed wise I think he’s in a similar i boat to Ryuuken: slow overall, but incredible reflexes.

Now, Top Joy, a Basketball Leaguer, was a fun one to do for no reason more than I like the character. Strength wise, nothing very impressive, he show much. Durability though….it’s not the best. The only points that seemed to be able to hold up were his arms(sort of) and feet, and they’re less based on actual proof and more on logical thinking but I digress. Hand and arms because he’ll need to be able to catch balls thrown his way, but they’re still relatively weak compared to other members of Silver Castle. I highlighted his feet because they would probably be needed to make they don’t break once Top Joy lands after jumping high. If they were weak the repeated slamming into the ground would cause them to break and then Top Joy(and any other basketball leaguer) would be relatively stuck. But where I think Top Joy shines is his speed and maneuverability. As he has demonstrated many times throughout baseball and soccer games alike, his spring legs can be used in a variety of situations, from avoiding attacking players to catching balls that would normally be too far out of reach. And there’s also the possibility of using the force from the spring to propel himself faster when running, thought it’s unclear if he does this already. However, they are not without weakness. As shown in the episode with Gebara, they are easily damaged when seemingly a single coil is damaged and prevents him from walking without assistance from his teammates. There’s also his recording equipment and speakers which, while functional, seem like they would also be damaged rather easily since as someone who has worked with recording/video equipment, I am all too aware of how fragile it can be. Also another note, Top Joy also seems to have an incredibly high pain tolerance. When the members of Section X give him a warning shock with the shock circuit, he pleads with them and says how he “doesn’t like punishment,” implying this has happened before. There’s also his questionable relationship with his past team and much later in the Death Football Arc when he flat out says “I’m used to pain,” which in concerning to say the least.

And finally, last but most certainly not least, we have GZ, a Hockey Leaguer. Similar to Ryuuken, GZ has been shown to be incredibly powerful and being able to take a lot. There are three times where his power is shown. First is barely a day after he joins their team when he defends his teammates from attacks that would normally knock them off their feet(sans Ryuuken). The second time is when he’s babysitting the kids and survives an avalanche that took out another group of hockey(?) leaguers with barely a scratch. And then in the OVA where he’s able to deflect almost all of Garret’s dive bomb attacks without took much trouble. This is undoubtedly a combination of some hockey leaguers being incredibly defensive(like Thunderbolt) and his reformatting which led him to be a mercenary. We don’t seem too much from GZ in terms of strength, so I’m going to say he’s just a little weaker than Magnum. Speed though, that one was a bit hard to figure out. Main because of his boosters. His boosters give him an enormous speed boost, fast enough to get ahead of Garret who was literally flying and dive bombing, and on the ice without as much friction it only increases his speed. However, the few times we see him running, he seems to be slower than the other Silver Castle members, likely because of his weight and how he was meant for ice, not land. 

TL:DR, From most to least

Durability: GZ, Ryuuken, Bull Armor, Juurouta, Magnum, Windy, Top Joy

Strength: Ryuuken, Bull Armor, Juurouta, Magnum, GZ, Top Joy, Windy

Speed: GZ(with boosters/on ice), Windy, Top Joy, Magnum, Bull Armor, Ryuuken, Juurouta, GZ(running), but Juurouta and Ryuuken have the best reflexes

[deelooc]

Happy Valentine's day everyone!! So for this occasion i decided to come up with some hcs on how the Jujutsu Kaisen boys would spend Valentine's day with their s/o, having not written some jjk for a while.

Since i wanted to post this on time, i only managed to do Gojo, Nanami, Fushiguro, Itadori, and Inumaki.

Regardless, i hope you enjoy <3

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Jujutsu Kaisen Valentine's Day Headcanons              

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❥ To Gojo, Valentine's day must be celebrated. Since the man's got money money, he will not hesitate to buy you the most expensive gifts just because. Watch him show up to your room with a giant teddy bear, several boxes of chocolates (mostly for him to eat), a really pretty necklace he thought would suit you as well as a short tight dress of his choice, and last but not least, a cliché bouquet of your favorite flowers.

❥ "See babe, I am such a good boyfriend. Bet no one else would do this for you, am I right?"

❥ You would then proceed to throw a pillow at him, already used to his cockiness.

❥ After things had settled down, the both of you would be splayed across the bed, munching on the different types of chocolate Gojo had brought home. However, the dumb mf had forgotten to remove a certain note off of one of the boxes. It was your typical Valentine's day cliché note. When he noticed the sour look on your face he proceeded, faking oblivion, "What, is something wrong with the chocolates?"

❥ He would then confess to you that all of these different boxes of chocolates were actually gifts from his fangirls. "I was nice enough to share them with you babe, you don't have to be mad."

❥ Now let's be honest, Gojo is a busy man, being the strongest jujutsu sorcerer and all. So of course, you are going to end up getting dragged to watch him exorcise a curse. "Come on babe, cheer me on!" You would then awkwardly cheer him on, making sure to take note of this situation to get back at him later.

❥ At the end of the day, to make things better in his opinion, Gojo would take you to the most expensive restaurant he could find in order for him to make it up to you. Though according to him, he bought the dress just for this part of the night. Everything ends up going well (i mean, as well as they could go with Gojo of all people).

❥ Expect him to be horny after coming back home. Actually, the alcohol he had back at the restaurant got to his head easily so as soon as you noticed, you made sure to get going since your boyfriend has no shame and would literally grope you in front of a whole audience.

❥ As it may seem, Nanami isn't a huge fan of this whole Valentine's day thing. In his opinion, people who use this specific day to show their love are simply "foolish", as he likes to put it.

❥ However, when he sees the dull look on your face after hearing what he said, he takes a little mind note that he should actually put in some effort to make this day sort of special.

❥ Throughout the day, you would give him the cold shoulder, trying to make him feel guilty for what he did and rethink his choice. But what you didn't know was that Nanami already gave in to planning a little something for the both of you. It wasn't much, but it was all he could come up with at the last minute.

❥ You had already planned to not go to work that day just so you could spend time with your lover. However, you did end up going in order for you to get your mind off things. Nanami saw this as a great opportunity to start off with this plan.

❥ He went out and bought your favorite scented candle, a new fuzzy blanket, some wine, and a special something he had been planning to do for a while.

❥ When you got back home, you were surprised to see the fireplace lit up, two glasses of wine set out on the table, dimmed lights, and a scented candle set in the middle of your small coffee table near the fireplace. There were cushions on the ground, indicating that this was where you were supposed to sit.

❥ Nanami suddenly popped out of nowhere, blushing like crazy since this was his first time doing something like this (you being his first s/o and all). You were confused about this whole situation but your thoughts were interrupted as your lover gently took your hand and lead you to the cushions placed on the ground.

❥ The both of you ended up drinking wine, wrapped up in a fuzzy blanket, and cuddling by the fireplace. At the end of the night, Nanami took the opportunity to reveal the "special something" he had bought you earlier. Surprise surprise, it was an engagement ring. He ended up proposing to you right then and there. Leave it to Nanami to be unintentionally cheesy while mocking others for it.

❥ Being with Fushiguro, everything in your relationship has always been more reserved for as long as you could remember. So, Valentine's day wasn't any different for the both of you and you were okay with it.

❥ You being the more outgoing one in the relationship, decided to take the first step and showed up to your boyfriend's dorm in the morning with some ginger muffins you had baked earlier.

❥ He was pretty groggy and seemed annoyed (having just woken up). However, he pulled you in for a hug to show you his appreciation. Fushiguro then lets you in to his dorm room and you end up having the muffins for breakfast while spending the day indoors.

❥ You had planned a little self-care day for the both of you, wanting to do something lowkey and not really lovey dovey. You had to tie your boyfriend's messy hair into a little bun in order for you to spread the face mask on his face. Thinking that you were too focused on the task at hand, Fushiguro would be staring at your "concentration face" with a look of pure adoration on his face. Once you notice this you would go ahead and say, "What's wrong 'gumi, anything on my face?", just to make him more flustered.

❥ He would instantly look away, trying to hide the intense blush that was starting to show on his face. You also had previously taken notice that his ears turn especially red when he's embarrassed (adorable).

❥ Since he's never done something like this before, when it's his turn to apply the face mask on your face, he becomes a bit agitated not knowing what to do next. So to make things easier for him, you propped yourself up on the bathroom counter and taught him how to properly apply the product. He was a bit slow, but props to him for at least trying.

❥ The day ended with the both of you cuddling on his bed, with cups of tea you had made after rinsing the face masks off. (he may or may not have brought out his divine dog since you love it so much)

❥ With this ray of sunshine, not a day goes by where you feel your relationship is lacking from any aspect. So for Valentine's day, Itadori had planned a little arcade/karaoke date for the both of you to enjoy.

❥ The day had started off with your overly excited boyfriend giving you your part of the matching rings he bought. (It's a pretty cheesy idea, but the boy is trying his best okay😩) This results in you hugging him until he can't breathe anymore, appreciating the fact that he was considerate enough to think of something like this.

❥ You then end up getting dragged to the arcade, which was your first stop of the day. The both of you were usually pretty competitive, so this time wasn't going to be any different. You ended up trying every game available, from air hockey to dance dance revolution, trying desperately to beat one another.

❥ To your surprise, Itadori was actually really good at dance dance revolution, this obviously meaning that he won the round. However, you ended up beating him at basketball which shocked him since he never knew you could score this much. To make things more interesting, he decided to suggest, "The winner gets the loser to do anything they want, kay?". This of course fired you up even more, determined on getting your boyfriend to do whatever you had in mind.

❥ You ended up winning, causing Itadori to whine like a child. Your request was simple; earlier, you had spotted an axolotl plushie in one of the claw machines and you were motivated to get it since it reminded you of your very own boyfriend. "Don't worry, Yuuji. My request is pretty simple actually. Let's see if you can get me that axolotl plushie, deal?"

❥ He was pretty relieved to hear that you weren't going to make him do something crazy, so he concentrated very hard on trying to get you that plushie. After several tries and almost going broke over this one machine, your boyfriend ended up grabbing the prize for you. You ended up naming it Yuuji, of course.

❥ When night time came around, the both of you ended up at a karaoke place. Itadori had of course picked out "Body" by Megan Thee Stallion. He nailed it of course. You bet that Gojo would be somewhere amongst the crowd, filming this moment to send it on the group chat. The night ended with ordering a pizza and somehow ending up at the beach playing tag??

❥ A Valentine's date with Inumaki would be like any other, yet it's special to you since you don't go out very often; your dates usually consist of staying at home and watching movies together.

❥ So in order for him to make it up to you, your boyfriend had planned a simple day out; grabbing some ice cream and watching the sunset. He avoided you the whole day since he was kind of nervous (that's an understatement) about what he had planned, unsure if you were going to like it or not.

❥ You were furious with your boyfriend for ignoring you today of all days. However, once he showed up at your dorm room with a small panda plushie and your favorite drink, you instantly forgot what he had done.

❥ "Toge~ why would you ignore me for the whole day? You can't expect me to forgive you right after show-"

❥ He ended up cutting you off with a kiss and a small "bonito flakes", scared that he would somehow hurt you with his cursed speech ability. Though that was enough for you to know that he was apologizing sincerely.

❥ Inumaki ended up dragging you to a small ice cream parlor you've never been to by the beach. You both ended up getting your favorite ice cream flavors and walking over to the sandy shore, making sure to take your shoes off before getting them filled with sand. Your boyfriend had brought a cute picnic blanket with him that had little onigiri all over it.

❥ You both ended up spending the rest of your time together with your head on his shoulder and his head on yours, all the while gazing at the beautiful sunset displayed in front of you. Few words were exchanged, but that's what you both preferred; it showed how sincere the words you would rarely speak were.

❥ Little did you both know, Panda, Maki, and Fushiguro were all watching you and Inumaki, making sure to catch some photos of you to embarrass you with later.

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[batarangsoundsdumb]

hae interrogationes multae respondeant quia demens .

if you read this entire ask post you deserve a gold star and financial recompensation

Um, Obviously because when you’re adopted by a white guy you automatically become white duhhh

this is about this post lmao and yeah youre absolutely right, you have to hand your poc card in when you get adopted by a white guy.

Do you think Cass would listen to Yanni, the YouTube channel epic symphonic rock, or some other stuff? There's some cool mashups but idk if that's up your alley, I kinda feel like I'm pushing it with my weird taste of music by recommending an orchestra cover of metal, but i just love that sort of thing and mashups :P @harvestyourcherries 

i haven’t heard of that? but in my personal (correct) opinion steph listens to classical music, and then both modern and older, and then also stuff like black sabbath, iron maiden, but also hardrock and hardcore. i like the idea of cass just liking the most extreme screaming songs full of noise and then also listen to pachelbel’s 370th sonata yanno? THANK YOU for the rec tho

speaking of ur cass playlist hc...reminds of the time (yesterday) i found 2 playlists randomly on spotify from the same user. one was abt 3 hours of instrumental/classical "dark" & "nostalgic" music. the other almost 11 hours of nothing but hardcore bass/synth/electronic music. just an incredible tightrope act to put on in public. the synth one was also called like "psalms for synth sluts" which is Also incredible

tbh i LOVE synth SO MUCH like for no reason at all but then also cannot handle a poppy electronic beat lmao. but this seems like the kinda thing i’d do but just in one (1) playlist bc i just sort songs by vibe instead of genre? that’s how i end up with britney spears and billy ray cyrus in the same playlist. 

Oh, I want Kate Kane playlist next! It would be amazing if you could do one when you have time and will 🙏

how rude would it be of me to just say no? like sorry kate but idk you and also you seem way too keen on the us military for an institution that homophobically targeted you? (and also commits war crimes) but let’s unpack the fact that the institution that caused the death of your mom and sister and also got you blacklisted for being gay is still one you align with???

'yes i am' 'no you're not' 'yes i am' 'no you're not' 'yes i am' 'no you're not' 'yes i am' 'no you're not' 'yes i am' 'no you're not' 'yes i am' 'no you're not' --- when i tell you i fucking screamed LOL!!!!!!! i can imagine the cameraman not knowing if he should cut to commercial or keep it on these two weirdos fighting on stage (bruce definitely ruffled dick's hair/noogied him right?? 

about this post but yeah lmao. this cameraman just turns to like the audience to get a reaction and it’s just multiple moments of CLEAR shock.

you are the only funny person on this hellsite

how egotistical is it for me to say that i get this ask multiple times a month? bc it literally happens so often it’s hilarious to me.

Wish there was more john/Bruce content 😔😔😔 was so hungry I actually looked at canon media 😔😔😔 (Justice League Dark babeeeyyyyyy)

check out batman: damned for some mediocre content but at least it’s john/bruce (also very interesting story and stuff, just got very >:( over this weird part where harley quinn tried to r*pe bruce or something? it’s not for everyone)

dick grayson but he's nicki minaj

his anaconda don’t want none,,, unless...... 

Dick Grayson was never a cop, he played Marshall on Paw Patrol

you are SO right. also paw patrol is a fucking good show idc. that shit could’ve been the new steven universe on this hellsite.

https://www.instagram.com/p/CS1lI0bLI7-/?utm_medium=copy_link

...

why do people keep reposting my CONTENT. if you are not funny yourself don’t just grab shit off of tumblr and post it on insta,,, get a life. sidenote: should i start an insta and get all these ppl to take my content down that would be funny as hell.

Might I suggest for a Gotham City Meme: something about the true crime fandom thirsting for the rogues gallery

ok can i just say something slightly controversial?? no? i don’t find true crime ppl who are into criminals funny, that shits disturbing irl im not gonna bring that into my very chill universe.

i may have never seen a 'jason cleaning guns in sink' fic but i do know he WOULD

THANK YOU

bestie im sorry to say this to you but while you can, and people do wash their guns in the sink, that is a lot of lead in a very vital part of the kitchen.

people tend to do it in the bathtub.

WHY???? like damn why do you even have guns

i dont think i read many gun sink fics exactly but i have read lots of fics where jason cleanes his guns in the living room. usualy dissembles them and cleans them with a rag i think

lmao fair enough, like i think that’s a large part of what i remember as well.

if you say you've seen/read gun sink fics I believe you. I think those of us who didn't see them are lucky or maybe didn't search for fics by tags or something idk

i mean ive never sought them out but i HAVE seen them,, like definitely i know almost for certain.

saw your tags and I'm interested in Steph/Kara now. They would be the most chaotic couple <3

literally thoooo, i have a wip where they get together in a zombie apocalypse and like UGGGHhhh i am so in love with them.

I am the Breece anon. Thanks for the recommendation; am reading now. I’ve always been a hardcore Superman fan because I love my pure himbo farm boy. My logic is, if one Bruce is a Broose, then multiple Broose are a herd of Breece. And this is a hill upon which I will perish.

fair enough,,,, like moose, meese, goose, geese, bruce, breece. i get your logic and i stand by it as well. (glad you enjoyed the comic recs!!!!)

It's a beautiful day in Gotham, and you are a group of horrible Breece

OH my god dude lmao

there only being 42 fics on ao3 for tim and bernard is honestly so sad i need more

it’s like twice that now!!! we did it lads. (tho very sad that my fic isnt number one but like number 4 :((((  )

i'm too late you already did the poll lol but may i suggest bethy (bernard + timothy)

shit dude that wouldve been so fucking funnyyyyy. think ppl have just stuck to timber tho, tim/bernard kinda died down recently and i think it’s too bad, they’re a great couple and i love them.

Wait, hear me out

Bernothy @redlightofdawn

great recommendation (lmao this ask is from like a month ago) but very sorry to announce that NARDTH is the superior shipname

Wait, we know that bernard likes milfs (Tim's step-mom) but what about dilfs? gilfs?

Wait no, I regret sending that ask

these were two seperate asks and they’re HILARIOUS. in my personal opinion tho,,, milfs, gilfs, dilfs are just about vibes and bernard is just attracted to sexy ppl who may sometimes be milfs, dilfs, or EVEN gilfs.

crime in bludhaven would drop to half if nightwing had a boob window. in this essay i will-

WHERE’S THE ESSAY ANON, WHERE’S THE FUCKING ESSAY

Wait if Barbra and Tim r at opposite ends at all times what happened to Barbra once everyone’s Tim’s ever love before started dying lol

she won a lottery ticket and spent 2 weeks on a resort in the bahamas before returning home and finding out that the joker was arrested for tax evasion and then spent a month staying at her big tiddie goth girlfriend’s house before conner came back to life and she broke her pinkie playing table hockey.

Why is the opposite end thing so funny and compelling to me. Tim comes back from his depression quest for Bruce and Babs is now a literal god

lmao when tim loses his spleen barbara reaches nirvana.

Are you still taking music recs because I have three songs that remind me of Jason that I think you'd like

send to me or lose a toe

🌸 ⭐ put this star into the inbox of your favorite blogs. it’s time to spread positivity! ⭐🌸😋

thanks, i wont tho on account of i wont.

https://vm.tiktok.com/ZMduBy3Sr/

⬆️

This is the whole of Blüdhaven and everyone anywhere.

Nightwings ass alone saves more people in a calendar year and does more for so society than most heroes do their whole career.Also u are one of the funniest tumblr pages out there. The vibes are unmatched and the memes and tags ✨send me✨.Thank u and goodnight @julia-flow 

fanksss also lmao.

That's going to be a little bit difficult to explain, but

There's some music that you listen to and you think, "oh my gosh, I can perfectly imagine Dick Grayson singing this song, with the same voice as the singer because that voice matches with Dick Grayson"?

oh yeah totally lmao. i have a lot of songs that i think are just entirely dick grayson yanno? kind of all of my playlists have that vibe, but i really find bleachers to fit with dick? idk.

"Lois lane/Superman" fics this, "Lois lane/Clark Kent" fics that, (/lh) let's get into the real good stuff. Some people ship Lois, Clark, and Superman as a throuple. Most popular fic tag for sure

yes totally, i think they’d be absolutely killer on ao3 and clark gets so fucking embarassed about it.

I miss your post, hope you’re doing okay!!

haha this was like 2 months ago, but i was doing fine then too! just didn’t have a lot of inspiration in terms of content.

Doot doot!

noot noot

I’m confused. What did DC do now? Like with nightwing? And another sibling? Please spoil everything for me

lmao they gave him a secret sister plotline where they had his dad cheat on his mom with tony zucco’s wife, bc dick’s life wasn’t traumatic enough yet.

sorry but it's so funny that batman is called "the dark knight" when the gotham city baseball team is called the gotham knights. it'd be like if a vigilante was running around new york called like "the scary yankee"

lmaooo no. but like yankee comes from dutch names or something so wouldnt it be HILARIOUS if gotham knights came from like german names and bruce would be running around called the dark KLAUS UND NIEK @graysonnightwing 

(not a batcest shipper) it’s so funny to me that the responses are “i’m a batcest shipper because i can differentiate fiction from reality and and it doesn’t bother me personally, but i understand why you oils think it’s weird” to “i wish all batcest shippers a very fucking die”

yeah lmaoo. i personally basically flipped my entire stance around to ‘i dont care please leave me and everybody else alone’ bc i think there’s really no point in starting a moral dillema over some fucking fandom bullshit. Please just,,, go home,,, log off, find a nice forest to have a little walk in and remember that somewhere in history, somebody probably died in the place you’re standing. and you will also die someday, and somebody will have to look at your internet usage and see you fighting multiple people anonymously while being named ‘nightwingsbuttchin200186′ like... calm down, we’re all gonna die this is not the thing to worry about.

so since like "wards" don't really exist in modern society almost all the batkids are foster kids, right? i used to work in the system and imagine: monthly visits from social workers and guardian ad litems, bruce having to get permission to take the boys anywhere out of state, calling their social worker at like 8 a.m. like "yeah dick broke his arm again... a gymnastics accident this time...." their poor social worker. bruce send her a huge bouquet and box of chocolates every month to stay on her good side

i imagine the social worker just getting into the case like ‘yeah let’s get this kid a good guardian’ and then ending up having to work with 22 y/o bruce wayne and his 50 y/o dad. and so this social worker is like ‘okay we can work with this, this is the best home i can find’ and then like it ends up landing on its feet and then the kid gets adopted and then they get a call a year later like ‘uhm so hi, this kid tried to steal my tyres can i adopt him?’ and like 3 years later. ‘okay so basically, my neighbours’ kid imprinted on me and now they’re dead, can i keep him?’ two years later it’s like ‘okay so this assassin child-’

ever since I saw that one post of yours, the meme that's something like "I know that abba's backup dancer got me" with a picture of discowing, I've been haunted. Every once in a while I'll be minding my own business then the image of abba's backup dancer dick grayson aka nightwing aka discowing will flash in my mind and I'll be frozen in place. Today at work I was in the middle of folding clothes and suddenly once again discowing entered my mind and I suddenly lost the ability to see anything except He. Thank you.

wow. the IMPACT.

Braver than any US marine man props to you🤝

this shit is about the time i wrote an article on batcest, like man,,, the fact that i didn’t get cancelled is MIRACULOUS. also like,,, uh if anybody on here did gossip on me,, send screenshots i’d love to see it.

Hello, just wanted to say your article was great. Thank you for taking the time to provide an unbaised answer. It should provide people with nuances they couldn't possibly conjure on their own.

May I ask where your username originates from?

yes you may (also thanks!!!) i thought it up when i was trying to find an original username bc i didnt want to be called like ‘timdrakes something something’ or ‘jason todd something smoething’ or ‘dick grayson something something’ yanno? so i thought batarangs, they sound so dumb and that’s my username story... now it’s my whole entire brand lmao.

yno that bit in kick ass where red mist asks kick ass if he wants a hit of his blunt, was that the inspo for stoner tim

no? it’s bc i think stoners are hilarious and drugs are great. (dont do drugs tho) 

How would u feel if someone actually wore one of those bruce or ollie pride shirts u edited

fenomenal next question.

Dick as lil huddy and Jason as James gave me radiation poisoning and now I’m screaming crying throwing up so thx for that

(Rico suave as Tim is perfect tho literally no changes needed)

i was so funny for that shit wasn’t i??? lmao i loved those weird ass fancasts

You're doing the Lord's work by providing us with all these Gotham/Metropolis citizens memes, thank you for being so relentlessly funny @nellethiel-aranel

you’re welcome!! i really enjoy making memes, but getting validation for my content and my memes is REALLY nice.

Bruce is such a slut in your memes and honestly i love that for him @rhodey-rhudert-rhodes-main 

he’s that much of a slut irl too dw.

Bruce and Alfred have an emergency pride flag for the batkids. Oliver Queen printed an emergency "I love my gay son" t-shirt and as soon as Roy told him he was dating Jason, Oliver started wearing that shirt everyday and Roy always cringes when he sees it. Oliver also has an emergency "I love my lesbian daughter" shirt just in case for Cissie.

lmao YES i had a post like this bc like all of their kids/family members are so gayy

stop bringing back batfam fancasts it is not real it is not real it is not- 😀😀😀😀😀😀😀😀😀😀😀😀😀

oh yes it is my darling.

did discowing burn down the notredam because he hates the bees? @allulily

no he did it bc fuck the french.

im gonna beg for 1 thing and 1 thing only. please please please put physical by olivia newton john on dick's playlist

okay then beg. bc i wont. physical reminds me too much of glee and that hurts me mentally.

your playlist is sorely missing some Madonna. Specifically Into the Groove, Like a Prayer, and Vogue

i’m scared of madonna that’s why she’s not on there. she haunts me in my dreams.

suggestion: son of batman by aaron dews for dick’s playlist🤩

sorry, i listened to it and the vibe didn’t agree with me.

Hear me out, metropolis citizens sending rare pair fics of Clark Kent x Superman fics to Lois to edit

yes, absolutely hilarious. even more funny if they send like physical copies, no address attached and lois sends it back marked with red ink, SOMEHOW

Imagine all the smut Clark must of read editing the fics

clark reads smut confirmeeed

NOT LOIS READING SUPERBAT PORN AND EDITING IT A 2AM 

NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO

hc that alfred is a meta that boosts healing factor of the people around him. if the bats are injured as much as they seem to be they would be doing bat stuff MAYBE half the year. no one including alfred knows about this. whenever the kids move out they inexplicably dont recover from injuries as fast and feel better whenever they visit the manor they just chalk it up to homesickness. bruce just thinks he heals really fast. alfred thinks everyone doesnt take care of themselves properly @finchcollector

that’s actually such a great idea, but i think that alfred would find out and learn how to concentrate it better so he can help more people, bc he’s great and i love him.

One of your dickfast posts reminded me of that tweet that goes: 'so you've had sex how many times? Yeah technically that's not a bromance' lol that's dickwally or dickroy

literally tho. like that’s all of dick’s friendships. once it gets past a certain time dick is like ‘wow i wonder what it would be like to make out with wally, wally come make out with me’ and wally’s like ‘we’ve done this like 40 times, dick, you know what it’s like’ and dick is like ‘sorry are you complaining?’ and they just make out.

superfam and batfam associations??

-batman and superman

-dick/barabara and supergirl?

-conner and tim

-jon and damian

pls enlighten me I am confused

nope,,, uhm batman and superman, but dick and superman as well, and then conner and tim, jon and damian and steph + babs with supergirl

I came across a fic in which Wonder Woman calls Batman "Stella" (like Stellaluna, the children's book) and I can imagine the batkids hop on the trend and maybe copies of the book appear at random places (aka, everywhere Bruce frequents)

sorry can’t reciprocate that was the name of my high school chemistry teacher and it gives me nightmares to think about.

good human what are your pronouns?

wouldn’t you like to know?

I need me some gothamites preferring harley over joker memes

everyone prefers harley over joker youre just very fucked up if you dont

don't understand why people try to add like veteran policy to the batfamily

dick pulling out his veteran batfam member card so he can eat first: step aside, peasants

Do you know the song Simmer by Haley Williams? It (the first verse anyways) reminds me of Jason? It's about rage.

damn yeah i LOVE HAYLEY!!!! youre right thoo

Okay so I like listen to your stoner Tim Drake playlist 24/7 but would he listen to skegss? Also I keep adding songs mentally it’s killing me 😩✋🏼 Anyways,, I literally love and worship your playlist 😃🤞🏼 And uh yeah have a good day ✨

stoner tim drake playlist is lyfeeee. also dont know who skeggs is? i’m stupid? have a good day!!

All the Robins (and Batgirl) decide to trade costumes for one night just to fuck with Batman and all the villains in Gotham. @subspacecadet 

batman knows it’s them youknow but like,,, what does he call them? he’s like ‘red hood?’ and 3 people answer and he’s not about to compromise some identities so he’s just Pissed.

I aspire to treat cops the way my dad treats them. This man is a 45 year old Asian immigrant to the US and the treats them like his pets. He talks about them like unruly children. Sometimes he pays off local cops to shut up and stop acting racist. And usually it works. I don’t know why but I can see Oliver Queen doing this

vibes... and also yes? oliver queen handing a local cop a donut to shut the fuck up lmao. but yanno i commit enough crimes to not really want to ever see a cop ever, so they kinda scare the everloving fuck out of me.

seeing as tim hasn't aged in years, that means he was 17 at peak emo tumblr era. im back on my emo tim bullshit and im not letting it go

emo tim had a wattpad account send tweet

People seem to think that batman is so dark and serious when the rainbow batsuit is right there. He wore it with no shame.

dude the 60s were a DIFFERENT TIME

dick grew up in a circus, jason grew up on the streets, and tim was probably raised by the internet

all of them cuss every other word and you cannot tell me otherwise

bitch i KNOW but dc has to change to an 18+ rating if they want to sell comix with swear words in them so we gotta deal with imagining the swear words in ourselves

thoughts on teen titans and young justice

haven’t seen teen titans on account of havent seen it and young justice was LITERALLY my favourite thing ever, tho i do gotta admit it’s not at all similar to the young justice comics unfortunately. i really wouldve liked to see timmy bart kon cassie and cissie animated on tv!!

ew ew ew how to delete batcest shippers I genuinely digust them

log off tumblr?

Okay as poc who was called racist for calling an Italian pastabrain: in the batfam are Italians bit Damian just yells various insults about the others being Italian. Just him yelling “What are you doing you moronic spaghettihead!” At steph etc

huh? i meant real italians. homeboy is telling steph he hopes she chokes on her fucking garlic.

I think it's dumb as hell to pull the batman is the best fighter in the batfam argument because like it's just irresponsible of Bruce to let his kids fight when they couldn't possibly be on his league or something

fair enough, but also like who cares they could all kill you just sit down and take a beating.

lady shiva, thalia al ghul and Selina Kyle are all milfs @notanothertimburtonenthusiastugh 

unfortunately, i have to admit,,, you’re right

why tf didn't someone give joker a death sentence already? like he's a mass murderer...give him the electric chair treatment wtf

idk i think plenty of people would have tried to murder him already (boring answer is: he is a popular character so they can’t kill him off bc he brings in lots of money)

There’s no such thing as “ copaganda”.

all american media is propaganda. happy to clear this up for you

is it bad that I find lady shiva owa owa

no. find her as owa owa as you want.

aight I'm guessing the order of your favs in batfam:

1. tim

2. Steph

3. dick

4. Duke

5. the rest

you’re wrong but it’s cute that you tried, i generally don’t have favourites, but i have a special place in my heart for steph, tim, dick and cass. bc they were like my introduction to batfam. but damian, jason, duke, bruce, babs and alfred are NOT FORGOTTEN OR UNLOVED

oh my god i was literally just readily willing to believe that italians werent white ty for clarifying it was a joke im so dumb sdkvjskdfs

i mean some italians aren’t white? italian is a nationality as well as an ethnicity, so like ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

since I saw so many people doing headcanons about the nationalities of batboys, I see Dick as an Italian.

dont know if youre serious or not, but sure.

super random but

jason 🤝 damian

old english

lmao fair enough.

tim absolutely has 1 gay uncle and his parents shit talk said uncle all the time so after bruce adopts him he specifically reaches out to this uncle to be like "heyyyy just so you know you majorly influenced my life yes i know i havent seen you since i was 5 and at the family reunion yes i know you dont remember my name idc thank you im gay too" and then they never talk again.

yuppp lmao that’s definitely something that could happen. i can also consider tim having no family members, like none. until he does like a dna test and he realises he has like an aunt living barely 2 miles away from him who’s like some illegitimate child of his grandpa.

I dare you one of them sends clark superman/clark fic and clark corrects the shit out of it and then goes like ps his dick is not that big, just telling as someone who has seen it. internet either explodes or goes who tf did he not fuck at this point.

i think everybody would call clark a buzzkill and try to cancel him over that.

so you're telling me Tim Drake wouldn't buy Starbucks?

no. dunkin donuts all the way

One of my favorite things is imagining people finding out jason came back from the dead and being like "oh no does he have magic powers now?!?!?" and he just pulls out a gun and tries to shoot joker

now he doesn’t even have the gun :) lmao

my favorite batfamily fanfictions are the ones where they use their shitty codenames, unironically, in any context

bruce gets codename ‘ugh’ everytime. he hates it.

crazy that tim being a 17 y/o ceo and a stoner who does brand deals are all actual canon things written in detective comics comics and not made up for shits and giggles by you, tumblr user batarangsoundsdumb @rowdeyclown

SO CRAZY HUH?

batman au where everything is the same but his utility belt is bright pink

absolutely, but i raise you, his boots light up like sketchers when he kicks people.

unbeknownst to the superhero fandom writers in the dcuniverse, clark and BRUCE are one of the most prolific fanfic writers in the superhero rpf tag on ao3. clark writes the best lois x superman angst, full of unhappy endings and scenes that are a so detailed you'd think you were in the middle of a superhero beatdown. bruce made an ao3 account to fuel "the do the butts match" thing, and makes batman/bruce fics from time to time. he wrote a superbat fic as a joke but ended up making it REAL porny. @concrastinator

dude they’re WAY too busy for that. Oliver Queen and Hal Jordan on the other hand are the most prolific fanfic writers in the superhero rpf tag writing what is Mostly porn.

When the dining table topic gets to politics, Steph says "eat the rich" as the solution

bruce just silently takes away her fork and knife while she’s talking.

[ur-typical-nerd]

I’ve finally decided to post some my Club Penguin OCs! Since I have far too many to put in one post, I’m gonna start out with my main three (who, by the way, are gonna be the protags of a story I’m working on!) and one of my favorite villains!

MARCY

-Pink Penguin with red, curly hair. Generally wears comfy, slightly sporty clothes

-Feral Chaotic Good

-Pansexual

-Ace Agent and bane of Herbert’s existence

-Has ADHD. She’s rather impulsive and as a hard time focusing.

-Dating EPF medic Penny

-Raised by her mom, dad left them when she was young. This left her with Daddy Issues™

-(She eventually gets a better father figure in Gary)

-Is actually Roofhowse’s half sister on their father’s side! Neither of them are aware of this yet.

-Perfectly willing to bite. Herbert learned this the hard way

-Owns two puffles named Charcoal (black) and Snowball (white) whom she considers her babies

-Banned from having coffee ever

-Loves cheese. A lot. Like, a lot. She often gets banned from using the Pizzatron 3000 because she eats the cheese straight out of the bin.

-Shortest and youngest of the agents

PENNY

-Yellow penguin with fluffy brown hair. Tends to wear cottagecore clothing

-Lesbian

-EPF Medic

-Dating Ace Agent Marcie

-Has two fathers, one of whom is a doctor

-Autistic, with a special interest in medicine! She used to read her dad’s medical textbooks whenever she got her flippers on them.

-Literally the sweetest thing ever

-Will help you with anything you need if you ask (or forcibly help you if you’re too stubborn/shy to ask)

-One time she and Marcie were brought to Herbert’s base by a panicked Klutzy because they were worried for a sick Herbert. When Herbert tried to be evil, Penny straight up went “nope, we‘re not doing this today, you’re too sick. Now drink your tea and get some rest.”

-Sews plushies in her free time

-Doesn’t own any puffles yet, but she does foster!

-The brain cell for Marcie and Avalanche

-Also, I like to think she and Penny Gwen (one of @fullmoonfireball ’s aces) would be friends. They could be Same-Name buddies!

AVALANCHE (Real name Elliot)

-Light blue penguin with messy black hair. Practically lives in his hockey jersey

-Gay

-Tactical Agent

-Muscular himbo

-Has two moms, one being a retired flipperball player and the other a referee

-Has ADHD and mild dyslexia

-Hates it when people consider/call him dumb because of this

-Carries his friends when they’re too tired to walk

-Owns a Rainbow Puffle named Morris. However, his full title is Morris, Prince of The Gays

-Avalanche himself is the semi-official King of The Gays

-Got his nickname from a teammate he may or may not have had a crush on

-Can lift, like, half his coworkers

DEVON

-Arctic fox

-Smug little jerk

-Actually a teenager! The EPF and Herbert don’t know this

-Less “national threat” and more “local troublemaker who occasionally causes major problems”

-Questioning his sexuality

-Washed up on the beach and decided to cause exclusively problems

-Mostly pranks and harasses penguins, with some vandalism and larceny thrown in the mix

-Herbert hates this kid. Devon knows this, and that’s why the bear is one of his favorite targets for pranks.

-Regularly breaks into igloos to steal snacks and set up pranks

-He tried to do this to Herbert once. He ended up getting chased out.

-Terrifyingly stealthy and quick

-The EPF doesn’t really see him as a major threat

-Would probably get along with Bijou (The EPF’s Recycling Bin’s collective OC) to some degree