#i literally need to be pretentious about this game it's one of my all time favorites

[lavendorii]

long-term nuclear waste warning messages/subnautica

[caligvlasaqvarivm]

Just wanted to tell you that pitch fefnep is real as fuck and I appreciate you bringing it to my attention.

Are there any other pitch ships you seriously live for?

My big one is Eridan <3< Calliope (#callidan let's make it happen)! There's a lot of karmic stuff linking them together - I'm not going to say it ALL here, but suffice to mention that cherubs are naturally attracted pitch-wise to people who resemble the half they lost in predomination, and Eridan literally made his username "cal" (caligula, so it's even 8 letters, lmao).

Personality-wise, though, fully-character-developed Eridan and Calliope are like a match made in hell. Eridan is violent, obsessed with murder, deliberately likes to style himself as an arrogant, evil despot, says a lot of slurs, is a complete moron who doesn't listen to people but believes in stuff very very strongly anyways, and, assuming he's finished his character arc, somehow still manages to be a force for good. This makes him similar to Caliborn in a lot of ways (Hussie even calls Eridan a sort of proto-Caliborn MULTIPLE times in the book commentary), and Calliope would have a lot to get infuriated by, especially since that last point would give Eridan that "i hate everything about you, BUT..." factor that makes a pitch relationship work.

OTOH, Calliope gets super fucking smug when she starts winning, Eridan would 100% see her as a poser wizard (who needs to load their MAGIC WAND with BULLETS????) as well as a poser troll. She would also definitely adopt a stance of "every life is precious," and already displayed compassion and forgiveness to a dangerous degree wrt Caliborn, and all of this would probably piss Eridan off. Also, Eridan is easy, and the fact that Calliope is actually willing to entertain him in pitch at all is probably enough to get him to date her in blackrom all by itself. LBR, all it really takes to date Eridan is just being willing to date Eridan. This is both a low and high bar to clear.

Given that murdering and genocide-obsessing literally kept his friends alive long enough to play the game, I just can't see Eridan ever becoming a pacifist, or even coming to see murder as a bad thing (even if he'd feel bad about and apologize for murdering his friends specifically).

It'd also be pretty bad if the Hope player (ideals, convictions, faith, and also turning fake stuff real) had wrong beliefs, so Eridan's character arc wouldn't so much see his obsession with murder dropped so much as having it reoriented, his focus becoming "I care about my friends and will do anything to make sure they succeed in creating a better world. I'd kill for them. I will kill for them. I am going to kill for them."

He's still kind of a token evil teammate as a result - the guy who pipes up at every town hall to go, "y'know, murder is on the table. I'm not saying that I want to do it or even that we should, but I'm just reminding you that it's a tool in our arsenal, and something our enemies might resort to" as well as the debbie downer who reminds people that meat comes from animals that used to have families.

Plus, given that his hipster stuff ties in with being a Hope player - the staunch and firm beliefs in there being "better" stuff, the unshakeable conviction and dedication toward being anti-mainstream, and the fact that it's one of his few genuine interests besides magic - that trait actually gets exacerbated in lieu of the fake pro-empire, dualscar-emulating stuff he was doing before.

So, basically, Eridan given the full redemption arc + character development combo would spit out an Eridan that's MORE annoying than he was before? Because, like, not only is he a turbo pretentious hipster now, but he's also the "heartbreaking: the worst person you know just made an excellent point" guy. He's comfortable in his own skin, no longer trying to be something he isn't. Instead, with absolute, non-negotiable, unshakeable faith in himself, he is 100% of what he is.

"What he is," of course, being a neurotic, murder-obsessed, low-empathy lunatic with zero social skills, a pretentious hipster, a cringe-ass wizard who won't shut up about it and has no self-awareness of how cringe he's being, still 100% aggro 100% of the time, and an obsessive simp. In a very leftist/existentialist way, he would fully own up to having done horrible things, and being willing to do them again, should the circumstances call for them. "Shameless" is probably a good word to use, here.

Meanwhile, Calliope is genuinely well-meaning as fuck, even if she doesn't fully grasp things like "humans going trickster mode is bad actually" and that her fascination/obsession with the trolls and kids as "characters" still borders on dehumanizing.

Still, it's clear that she operates from a place of love and admiration, and given a lease on life free from her brother and surrounded by friends, I do genuinely believe Calliope's arc culminates in her being the embodiement of the ideas that we must be good to each other, kind to each other, loving to each other, and trust and care for each other. After all, she has it within her; her alternate self was willing to make the ultimate sacrifice for the good of several universes.

Still, Calliope as this cosmic, karmic force of good - what the comic ultimately exonorates and treats as something worthy of protection and rescue - sets her up against Eridan ideologically really well. Calliope represents "we must do good" in the most optimistic sense - people will be kind back if you are kind to them, and to create a loving society, a caring society, we must care about others, we must believe in others.

Meanwhile, Eridan would represent "we must do good" in the most dark and pessimistic sense - we must be prepared to sacrifice for each other, we hold duties to one another, we must be our best selves because we owe it to each other, we must not accept complacency, we must be ever-vigilant of our worst tendencies, we must take responsibility. No society exists without sacrifice, no revolution is without bloodshed, and nothing is ever worth fighting for that won't eventually need to be fought for - and who will do the fighting? The society that separates its scholars from its warriors will have its thinking done by cowards and its fighting by fools, etc.

Like how pitch FefNep works for me on this axis of pragmatism vs. idealism - Feferi and Nepeta are both fundamentally duking it out over what it means to create and administer a society, with Nepeta representing unbridled freedom, while Feferi brings to the table controlling restraint. Neither is fully correct on their own - Nepeta is anarchic, and so her ideals are inherently unstable, while Feferi is fascistic, which can cause great harm. It's Hegalian dialectics. Thesis, antithesis, and their union/rivalry is the synthesis into a greater nuanced balance between the two.

Callidan works for me in the same way: Calliope and Eridan are both fundamentally aiming to create a world that's good, and Calliope says, we must be kind, while Eridan says, we must be cruel. They're both correct, and both have an ideal that can't stand on its own. Calliope's hardline stance of pure compassion lets bad apples take advantage, while Eridan's hardline stance of sacrifice and personal responsibility leads to misery and unfulfillment. Together, they strike a harmony.

And also they'd be so funny together. Like

UU: i believe that in order to create a kind and beaUtifUl world, we mUst be kind to each other. we mUst believe in each other no matter what. there is no fUtUre if it is not boUnd in love, trUst, and empathy.

CA: yeah fuckin right dont tell me you actually BELIEVVE that codswwallop those ideals sure held up wwhen wwe MURDERED THE EVVER LOVVIN SHIT OUTTA YOUR BROTHER

CA: reality aint so fuckin simple evvery societys got sacrifices need doin evvil bastards need killin and somebodys got to pull the trigger

UU: i swear, speaking with yoU is aboUt as pleasant as a sandpaper facial.

UU: and yet i continUe to do so, and do yoU know why? it's becaUse i do, in fact, believe in what i said, and i will, in fact, continUe to treat yoU with *love and compassion* despite yoUr repeated efforts to throw mine into the bin!!!!!!!!!!!

CA: i nevver asked for your so called lovve and compassion skullhag and i dont bloody need it either

UU: well, that's jUst too bad, isn't it? poor eridan, yoU were treated so poorly on alternia, and now yoU're angry and Upset all the time. my heart aches for yoUr plight!

CA: ill showw you a flippin PLIGHT scumskull meet me at the usual place

UU: <kisses> ~3U

UU's computer exploded!

uranianUmbra [UU] began cheering caligulasAquarium [CA]

UU: STOP DOING THAT.

Also... they're both British... so it's British on British violence... IDK that personally really elevates it for me

[preeningpisces]

Non-curse AU! Choso is a big ol' nerd

A/N: As a big ol' nerd myself I feel passionately about this, so I have way too many thoughts repost bc it wasn't showing in the tag for some reason

Below the cut because I'm a yapper!

♠ Definitely the type to meet his S/O through discord because I think non-curse Choso is much shyer than regular Choso

❥ He wouldn’t be an admin. He’d be the quiet type that’s always there reacting to posts but rarely talks. Has the sickest emotes tho

❥ Prefers smaller discord communities, mostly video game servers

❥ I think he'd like the vaporwave aesthetic and all the RBG setups. Keeps his computer area neat and tidy

❥ Choso fucking loves video games. He'll buy those $300 special edition pre-orders and get the cool figures

❥ HUGE Soulsborne fan. His favorite is Bloodborne (on the nose but I couldn't resist). Also really loves Monster Hunter. Cares a lot about the monster's details, like their eating habits. I think his fave would either be Odogaron, Nargacuga or Zinogre.

❥ Picks the edgiest weapons lmfao. Definitely a longsword user in Monster Hunter. Went blood build in Elden Ring

❥ *Sigh* he does consult reddit for his builds and is a min-maxer. I'm afraid Choso is a reddit user but in a 'I need a thorough understanding of this' kind of way

❥ Function over fashion: he dgaf if that helmet is as ugly as sin, it gives him +2 endurance and he's gonna wear it

❥ Lets you create his character & name them & everything.

❥ If you can't be present for the character creation portion, he'll make his character you! Definitely made you his dream guardian in Baldur's Gate 3 (which in the early access was called the Dream Lover, which is even cuter)

❥ Not pretentious at all about what is/isn't gaming, and plays all sorts of genres

❥ LOVES NINTENDO GAMES. Mario has a special place in his heart. DEFINITELY mains Shy Guy in Mario Kart

❥ Will literally cry and die if you play video games with him. You don't have to be good because he'll happily teach you. Just watching him play and asking about the details will make his day

❥ Definitely would do those cute Animal Crossing museum dates. Loves the relaxing, chill music so much. Despite his min-maxer approach to other games, he's absolutely not a time traveler in Animal Crossing. He's of the mindset that it ruins one of the core features of the game

❥ Stardew Valley? Stardew Valley. Honestly, I can't decide who he romanced first. My heart is telling me Leah, but chat pls advise

❥ Speaking of chat, you just know he's a fan of let's players. Always watching a YouTuber or Twitch Streamer. He's a Markiplier fan. You know it, just accept it

❥ Tbh that's a cute thought: Choso being a fan of the reader that's a small twitch streamer. Should that be a thing?

❥ Really good at singleplayer games. AWFUL at pvp

❥ He'll play something like Fortnite or Overwatch for Yuji, but needs to be hard carried because he only plays when someone asks him to. He can't stand how toxic those communities are, and doesn't want to socialize with strangers just to play a game

❥ He gets HEATED SO EASILY when people are toxic, especially if it's directed at Yuji or someone else he cares about. Definitely the type to step in and check other ppl when they're being toxic. Like those clips where it's a woman in a lobby and the dudes all start being sexist. Choso will not let that shit fly!

❥ Teabag him if you want to see him lose his shit

❥ On the note of Overwatch: the only character he can and will play is Mercy, and he just pockets Yuuji the whole time. Yuji has to beg him to heal/boost their teammates

[epithet-beloved]

hihi um. i love the platonic sylvie imagines here,, could i request autistic sylvie hcs and/or sylvie with a reader his age whos special interest is also psychology…….

AUTISTIC SYLVIE THOUGHTS!

synopsis… Autistic traits Sylvie exhibits, and how he bonded with someone with a similar special interest!

ft. Sylvester “Sylvie” Ashling, Molly Blyndeff (mentioned)

tags… fluff, autism headcanon, i don't know anything about psychology save for basics oops

word count… 728

a/n… uhmmmm hiiii do you guys remember us… being an adult is difficult guys why do we do it. anyway. autism. i am not OFFICIALLY diagnosed myself (to which my friend immediately went "you were stimming so hard at the movie today bffr"), but i suspect i am and i also relate to sylvie so a good bit of this is projection ✧ 🦝

𓆩ꨄ︎𓆪 Lovingly, have you seen this kid?

𓆩ꨄ︎𓆪 It goes without saying that no one in Epithet Erased is neurotypical but we’re not here to discuss that today.

𓆩ꨄ︎𓆪 Sylvie was diagnosed fairly early in life, some amount of time before he jumped a few grades.

𓆩ꨄ︎𓆪 He doesn’t really like acknowledging his diagnosis.  Unfortunately, upon getting diagnosed, the most exposure he had to autism was his uncle, and characters that fit the "genius" stereotype on TV.

𓆩ꨄ︎𓆪 So, of course, Sylvie absorbed the pretentiousness from these sources trying to learn about himself.

𓆩ꨄ︎𓆪 Like, is it not just canon that he uses the “neurodivergent and a minor” excuse to everything online?

“Huh–?”  Molly blinks at Sylvie’s phone screen, opened on social media, but the way he chose to phrase the reply…  “Sylvie, I-I don’t think you should say that sort of thing!” “I’m literally neurodivergent and a minor.  This ‘adult’ is the one arguing with ME!”  Sylvie defends himself with a huff, missing the way Molly gives him a look that’s a mix between disappointment and disbelief. Isn’t Sylvie always the one saying he isn’t a kid?

𓆩ꨄ︎𓆪 Sylvie didn’t really have a lot of friends as a child, considering how he tends to act around others.  Pretentious and defensive – it’s hard to get through to the Sylvie that’s more vulnerable and actually nice.  He’s mostly in environments of predominantly neurotypical people, and he finds himself in conflict of whether he should mask or not.

𓆩ꨄ︎𓆪 He finds his stims embarrassing for example.  His most common ones are fiddling with and pushing up his glasses, pacing, talking to himself, and messing with his hair.  He also flaps his hands when excited but tries to stop himself from doing so, calling it ‘childish.’

𓆩ꨄ︎𓆪 His biggest stim of all?  Playing with his yo-yo.  It’s also a comfort item.  When commuting places or even just needing to do something with his hands, he’ll find himself using his yo-yo.  He tries to say he wouldn’t die without it, but he’s definitely more tense if he can’t use it.

𓆩ꨄ︎𓆪 His special interests include psychology (duh) and epithets.  Things he can study.  However, he has a hyperfixation on card games that comes and goes when it feels like it.  Sylvie can be really distracted by games like Horizontal Pilot Command, so much that he can procrastinate on work, making him feel bad about it afterwards.

𓆩ꨄ︎𓆪 Meltdowns are “shamefully” common for Sylvie, and he needs a lot of time to ground himself.  He usually keeps to his room and uses his sheep to rest on or surround himself with.  The fluff is therapy sometimes.

𓆩ꨄ︎𓆪 So socially, Sylvie struggles, it’s true.  He knows it, but a little worm of denial in his head tries to say it’s because he’s superior to these people, or something like that.  So, meeting someone who's similar to him means the world.

𓆩ꨄ︎𓆪 Sylvie with low empathy, and a friend who has high empathy?  Dynamic duo.  Sylvie can wonder if he’s just a jerk due to his low empathy, and he can seek reassurance for it.  A friend can help him feel less like a terrible person.

𓆩ꨄ︎𓆪 His favourite joke is when someone asks him for something, he goes “no,” while doing exactly as asked.

𓆩ꨄ︎𓆪 Sylvester meeting someone with a psychology special interest?  He’s in literal heaven.  Two little nerds keep talking about things that make even full grown adults feel dizzy listening to.

“Ah, like Pavlov,” you say with a nod when Sylvie finishes his study help suggestion.  The chocolate in hand is an incentive to finish the page you’re scouring through. Sylvie perks up.  “Well, yeah!  Behaviourism is really important in Pavlov’s theory.  The more a behaviour is repeated, the more it affects the mind.” “Mhm!  Although I do like B. F. Skinner’s suggestion too,” comes your reply, and Sylvie feels his jaw fall slack at the fact you even know his name.  “Stimulus first, then response, then reinforce that response.” “Exactly!”  Sylvie sits up, louder than you ever heard him.  The study session was quickly brushed aside in favour for now bringing up the founders of behaviourism.

𓆩ꨄ︎𓆪 Sylvie doesn’t know anyone else his age with his diagnosis, so it really opens his eyes being with you.  And, not to mention, he finally has a friend who really gets him.  Where would he be without you, eh?  Or, so he jokes, but you can tell he’s serious.

[doubledyke]

How do you think would be Edd and Ed's lives in a world where Eddy was never born or they never meet him? Would they indeed be accepted by the other kids, or would they be lonely hermits stuck on their houses (Edd with his experiments and Ed with his sci-fi movies as their only friends respectively)? I bet more on the second option.

oh boy, the question of all time. i guess i'll have to go with the second option to some extent.

ed is unlikely to be truly and wholly accepted by most of the other kids with or without eddy imo. he's smelly and weird, and sarah, who's part of the in-crowd, can't stand him. she's not going to let him join in the reindeer games, and i doubt he'd want to spend more time with her than he already has to, let's be real.

he could very well be perfectly happy with the life of a hermit. like you mentioned, he's got his movies and comics, his models, and a limitless imagination. he doesn't strike me as the type to require much or really any social interaction or validation. he does love being around his friends! edd and eddy that is. he's an extremely sweet person, and very affectionate towards people he cares about. but he could fare just as well being a loner. also, dude can evidently conjure up a tulpa any time he wants (e.g. jib).

he isn't one to hold grudges at all, so if the kids did occasionally need him to effortlessly lift a house or car, he'd happily oblige. that's about the extent of their "acceptance" of ed though. jonny and rolf are the exceptions - i think they'd be buddies with the lump.

it might be a little harder to say for certain with edd, since he puts up so many fronts. i think he may be somewhat accepted - he's clean, smart, and the girls think he's cute. he's good to have around when you need help with homework, or your bike chain slips... or you've got a growth of some sort... but much like big ed, he's pretty strange, on top of being finicky, pretentious, etc.. and he's a buzzkill a lot of the time, which gets old real fast. that being said i think he could easily build a superficial rapport with the kids, though they probably won't be inviting him to any soirees. if i had to choose a kid who might connect most with edd, it'd be jimmy..... so literally exactly what happens in the show.

as far as edd ending up a shut in, i imagine without eddy he probably would spend most of his time on his own, but does venture outdoors. he loves being in nature and looking at bugs, that typa stuff. he'd still do that, just alone i guess. not a farfetched assumption at all. but edd does crave SOME level of social approval and validation. and since he doesn't get it at home, he has to look elsewhere. so without eddy, he would have to manage with a few fair-weather friendships in the neighborhood until he inevitably leaves peach creek and meets people that are more his speed.

there's an argument to be made that despite his need for socialization, he, like ed, would have little to no desire to hang out with the cul-de-sac kids. cuz like, what would they do? it's nearly impossible for me to imagine edd 'playing' with the other kids, since he's 12 going on 45. edd doesn't play, at least not uncritically lmao. he likes to read and do his tinkering and experiments, etc.. at least with ed and eddy he can put those things to some kind of use.

which brings me to my semi-related tangent, and i'll try not to go too far off the rails here, but don't hold your breath.

i feel like this kind of question is prevalent because some people want to imagine that the cul-de-sac would be all sunshine and rainbows if only eddy wasn't around. as if ed and edd are clamoring to hang out with kevin (lol) and the only thing preventing them from being the toasts of the town is eddy? it's really weird seeing as he's basically the main character and there's not a show without their antics. idk what to tell those people except that maybe they need to find another long defunct cartoon to over analyze 😬

not that you're doing this at all anon, but it drives me crazy when people try to absolve edd of wrongdoing and paint him as a trembling victim. i mean, people can do whatever they want, but shitting on eddy is a bit much. plus it strips away a lot of what makes edd interesting.

edd makes a conscious and informed choice every day to hang out with ed and eddy.

i don't personally think it's because he was or necessarily would be outright shunned by the other kids. dare i say, he just likes them lmao.

eddy and edd have a major similarity in their desire to appear more mature than they are:

eddy is shameless in his attempts, whereas edd tries to play it off.

and that's it. that's the show.

kidding, but only a little. essentially, they're both precocious and have probably been exposed to shit that kids shouldn't be exposed to. i think that's the foundation of their friendship, aside from having the same name.

in some ways, eddy IS more "mature" than his peers, in his own greasy way. he's mostly a typical idiot pre-teen, but let's give him some credit here: he knows it's a dog eat dog world and you don't get anywhere in life by whistlin' dixie. he's just trying to get a head start.

edd is complicit and just as culpable as eddy is in their grift. he compulsively voices his disapproval and still not only goes along, but contributes greatly. it appears that a lot of the time his biggest qualm is even that the scams are immoral, but that they're unconvincing.

there could be a few different explanations for that, but "edd is a victim of eddy" simply isn't one of them.

a) edd also wants money, and if that means fleecing people he believes are below him, so be it.

b) edd views these rackets as the preferable, more adult-esque alternative to playing tiddlywinks with his peers.

c) he likes spending time with ed and eddy and that entails running two-bit scams

these aren't mutually exclusive by any means. to me, all three apply at various times in the series.

all that to say, i don't think edd is forced to hang out with ed and eddy because he's just SO outwardly off-putting that the kids wouldn't give him the time of day. that assumes that he even wants their time, y'know. unlike eddy, edd is not "cool-conscious". he doesn't care where he belongs, he's just wants to belong. and he found his sense of belonging with dumb and dumber. it says a lot about him, i think 😂

much like any kid if he really wanted to mesh with the in-crowd, he'd find a way. to act like edd has no other option just comes off as a slight toward the other two eds.

okay anyway, the eds are a package deal. without eddy... there's literally no ed edd n eddy. none of them would develop the way they did if one of them was missing. that's why it's weird to try and guess what would happen if eddy wasn't around. but...

i don't see edd giving ed much of a chance if it weren't for eddy's forcing them to be around each other. he'd get one whiff of the guy and disintegrate into a pile of wood dust. and ed barely understands what edd says, so why would he have ever initiated a conversation if not for eddy standing by to interpret??

of course, edd did a pretty good job at predicting what life would look like for ed and eddy if he ended up as the pretzel legged boy in the sideshow - the sucker quotient does go way down when the signs are misspelled. and as for if it were just edd and eddy, they would've killed each other by the end of season 2.

[marquisegallery]

This took me. So long. To finish. I had hoped to finish it sometime in February, but now here we are. :u

Anyways! Much like the Devil Theory headcanons post I did a long while ago, this is a headcanons post for DOT EXE! All frickin' 8 of them!! Suffice to say this is going to be incredibly long, so keep that in mind before you jump into the Read More. You have been warned!! :P

(Also much like with Devil Theory, some of this might be based on stuff in the game, but a lot of it will just be "I personally think this would be neat!!")

There are going to be very many sections here, so I'm splitting them up to keep things organized and easier to follow. :u

The Overall Crew:

First and foremost, names! Plus heights, because I finally decided on heights for the individual members now :P

2 = Twoson (172 cm / 5’ 8")

4 = Fourside (173 cm / 5’ 8")

5 = Cinco (186 cm / 6’ 1")

8 = 8-ball (192 cm / 6’ 4")

9 = Neun (182 cm / 6’)

10 = Jūrō (178 cm / 5’ 10")

14 = Quatorze (196 cm / 6’ 5")

And then the cue ball member is just… Cueball, lol. He is 190 cm / 6’ 3". I was originally going to make him more-or-less the median height of the crew, but changed my mind later.

I know the 10 and 14 members found in the code aren't "official" members, especially since they seem to be just extra palettes for a potential playable 8-ball. But you know what, I made characters out of them anyways!! :P

Starting off with DOT EXE in general:

As mentioned in the game, they’re a group of full-cyber writers and breakdancers!! They also have a bit of a reputation as hackers, though truthfully it’s only some of them, specifically 8-ball, Neun, and Cinco. They’re the ones who came up with the name too, they just wanted something computer-y. It was originally just the three of them, and the others joined over time. In order, Quatorze and Jūrō were asked by 8-ball to join, then Twoson and Fourside asked to join after they went full-cyber, and then Cueball was the last to join.

Their writer aliases/street names are of course based on the billiard number shown on their screen faces. Which person gets which number was originally based on the actual number of letters in their real given name, but that doesn’t apply to Cueball, Twoson, or Fourside.

They have a reputation of being pretentious and stuck-up assholes (though at least not violent assholes like Devil Theory). They basically look down on most other crews as noobs, about the only writers they respect are DJ Cyber, Felix, and eventually BRC in general after the end of the game.

Of the current big crews in New Amsterdam, they’ve been operating the longest (with varying number of members of course), for about 2 decades at this point! However, them being an actual “big name” crew has only really happened in the past couple of years. They mostly stick to their own territory in Millennium Mall.

On that note! They literally own the mall. All of it. They collect rent from the various stores and companies operating in the mall. They keep the rent super low for local businesses so they can afford to compete with the big brands (especially huge international ones) that set up shop here. Meanwhile, said big brands are charged like five times more in rent. Of course, they’re never actually told that’s the case! Those companies even assume it must be the same for everyone else in the mall. The way DOT EXE spin it to them is along the lines of, “C’mon, don’t you want the prestige of having a store in the one and only Millennium Mall?!” Basically I imagine the Millennium Mall is a huge deal in that way, hence why the big companies don’t suspect anything’s off. :P

So yeah, DOT EXE make money that way. Even after taking out whatever has to be used for proper maintenance of the mall itself, for the most part they end up with a lot more than any of them need (especially since, being full-cyber, they don’t have to worry about food and stuff, just electricity and occasional maintenance/repairs). A lot of the money is saved for emergencies and fun stuff (like hobbies), and then they donate the rest to local charities.

The local businesses are aware of DOT EXE being the owners of the mall, and honestly don’t mind them being writers either! DOT EXE are also more reliable than the police when it comes to asking for help with a problem. In the case of shoplifters in particular, DOT EXE don’t even really punish the thieves, they’ll pay for whatever was stolen and ask if they need additional help (like if they only stole because they didn’t have a job and need help, etc).

The crew hate that the police can intervene at the mall, especially with the helicopters and walking tanks, not to mention the police tube things. They’ve tried to complain to the local government about it, but have been shot down every time. Now they will at the least sabotage the tubes and turrets whenever they can.

The mall is so big that there’s basically a huge solar panel farm on top. Whatever electricity doesn’t get used up by the mall ends up redirected to other parts of New Amsterdam that need it.

There’s also a whole community greenhouse up there! A rather illegal one actually, with New Amsterdam (currently) having some very strict regulations on larger-scale gardens and such (given there’s only one tree in the actual game, and it’s been dug up from Old Amsterdam). DOT EXE do not give a fuck about that clearly, and keep it operational. Especially since it’s a great source of food for a lot of people! DOT EXE managed to hack the local government offices to give the mall’s greenhouse an “official exception”, so the police have to (very begrudgingly) leave it be. Half the crew like the greenhouse since it’s such a great benefit for others, and the other half like it because they know it annoys the cops.

Their hideout is a small part of the mall that’s been sort of sectioned off just for them. Basically behind some pulled-down grates, a bunch of the stores behind said grates have been converted into rooms for them, and is collectively their hideout! There is an actual part of the mall in the game that looks like this, see below:

The rooms of the hideout are as follows: a main meeting/living room area (which also has a disused kitchen, since they don’t need to eat), a main rec area with a ton of custom arcade cabinets and hacked game consoles, a storage room, and then 4 personal rooms for the members, shared between a few of them. One for Cinco and Neun, another for Twoson and Fourside, another for Jūrō and Quatorze, and the last for 8-ball and Cueball. Though since 8-ball was killed, it’s been Cueball’s room by himself.

So yeah, they all live there, whereas pretty much every other crew has their hideout but then individual members (usually) live elsewhere.

They actually aren’t all the same age as the Oldheads, it’s just a cover so people don’t try and figure out any personal info about them. Specific ages/age ranges will be mentioned in individual sections, but really only 8-ball, Neun, and Cinco are around the Oldheads’ ages. Quatorze and Jūrō are actually a good chunk older than them, while Cueball, Twoson, and Fourside are all much younger.

Cueball in particular will always hide his real age, since part of it is related to how he went full-cyber. He will lie to most people and saying he's around the same age as 8-ball, Neun, and Cinco. He hates the pity he gets from people otherwise (more on this later!!).

Twoson and Foruside don't lie about their ages when asked, but would just say they were inspired by 8-ball, Neun, and Cinco to go full-cyber to keep being good dancers and writers. Meanwhile, Quatorze and Jūrō are pretty honest about why they actually did it (again, more on this later!!).

Their voice, outfits, and billiard screens are also covers for their identities!

For the voice, the idea is that there's a "default" voice all the DOT EXE folks use in public, but they still have their own voices based on how they sound from before going full-cyber (Twoson and Fourside are technically exceptions to this, but yeah, more on that later). Their actual voices are only used when they’re going around as “civilians” rather than writers, or otherwise in private at their hideout.

The tracksuits are basically just their costumes, similar to the costumes the other crews wear. So they do wear clothes besides the tracksuits. Sure, they don't really need to, but they like to! Especially when they're not out doing writer stuff, makes it easier for the cops to not suspect something. Each of them has their own personal style, which will be noted in the individual sections!

The screen face can be changed to different images. When they're out and about as "civilians", they tend to change their screens to sort of robotic faces, kinda similar to what non-screen cyberheads have. Those specific faces will be shown in the individual characters’ sections, with their "DOT EXE face" on the left and their individual faces on the right.

Combined with the difference in clothing and voices, it does a good job of actually hiding who they are from the cops!

Note that Cueball is an exception on the voice and screen thing, but I’ll get into that more in his section!

They are all gamers to some degree, otherwise why else would they have a rec room with so many games? They each have their own favorite genres, but overall play a wide variety of them. They’ll play by themselves or with each other depending on the game. The whole crew can get pretty competitive about high scores too, especially on the arcade cabinets!

They also each have their own hobbies outside of gaming, but again, another thing to mention in their own sections.

They all have the capability to communicate wirelessly like computers and phones, i.e. send messages directly to one another instead of to their phones. However, they don’t do that anymore. Mainly because the one time they tried to use it more often, Twoson, Fourside, and Cueball spammed so many memes to Neun that it caused him to crash. Hence why they still rely on text and calls like full-flesh writers, though some of them still do direct wireless messages to one another sometimes. Basically equivalent to whispering to someone so other people don’t hear them.

As full-cyber people, they all have sensors all over their bodies which can act the same as nerves. Detecting damage/pain, temperature, pressure/being touched, and even textures to a degree. The only difference is that these can be turned on or off, or even set to varying “levels” of sensing in between. Usually they turn down the pain/temperature detecting part of the sensors while they’re out (especially while doing writer stuff; basically just detecting damage/temperature without causing actual pain to them). They only turn them fully back on once they’re safe at their hideout.

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8-ball, Cinco, and Neun in general:

They are basically the only ones that went full-cyber to be able to dance better for the most part, though they also did it to be able to get better as writers. None of them were particularly good at either of those before then, though they all clearly wanted to improve at it.

All three of them met and became friends via a transhumanism forum online, hence them going full-cyber together. The actual process is finished up around their 30s or 40s, and they're in their 60s by the time of the game.

Cinco is from Honduras and Neun is from Germany (or so he claims...). Meanwhile 8-ball was born and raised in New Amsterdam, though his father (who he shares with Cueball) had long since moved away to somewhere in the United States.

Both Neun and Cinco did writer stuff in their respective home cities, but 8-ball talked to them a lot about the writer scene in New Amsterdam, especially a lot of the big name writers at the time. That influenced all of them to want to get better at being writers, no matter what.

Once Neun and Cinco moved to New Amsterdam, 8-ball and them formed DOT EXE! They were all full-cyber by then, and practiced together to improve their skills, eventually becoming fairly big names like the other crews.

All three of them act (or acted in 8-ball’s case) as the IT people for the whole mall.

Them getting into hacking and computer stuff mostly started after they all went full-cyber, especially since all their augmentations made it a hell of a lot easier to do.

All three of them love rhythm games, but also have other genres they particularly like. They had rhythm game competitions between the three of them, and even with 8-ball gone, Neun and Cinco still do that from time to time.

On that note, yeah, in my ideas/AU/whatever you want to call it, 8-ball’s death is very much permanent. See this post with some further details on why that is, in particular how, just because his mind’s been digitized, doesn’t mean it’d be any easier to recover.

8-ball specifically:

8-ball refers to Cueball as his bro in the game, and I like to think they’re actual brothers and not just brothers-in-a-friend-way. For my headcanons, they’re actually half-brothers, but refer to each other as brothers anyways. 8-ball is the older of the two!

He’s a bit egotistical. Just a bit.

Kind of a daredevil too, compared to the others. He was like that before going full-cyber, but then after the conversion, being “effectively” invincible just made him more reckless. Dangerous stunts! Tagging more and more high up heaven spots! Getting heat up just to be able to fight the police! So on and so forth.

He is the one who designed the team’s graffiti in-universe, hence why their small tag is more related to him that the team overall. Like I said, bit of an ego on this guy!

He is the one who managed to get ownership of the whole mall, and then just splits the management and collected rent with the others. He actually managed to win ownership of the mall in a (very) risky game of poker. And he didn’t just made that up to sound cool, Cinco and Neun were actually there to witness it!

For his normal fashion style as a civilian, basically he just focuses on looking “cool”, in particular with cool jackets. This usually means jean jackets or leather biker jackets. Also tends to wear jean pants, and shirts with cool designs on them. Which is often stuff like sharks, wolves, dragons, volcanoes, lighting bolts, tornadoes, etc. Also cool shoes of course!

For his personal favorite video game genre, he likes playing shooters, but moreso arcade style shooters and SHMUPs instead of FPSs. Still kinda ironic, given what happened to him…

Real name Frederik Visser. He mainly got into transhumanism just because he thought it was cool, and eventually took it seriously and ended up on the forum where he met Neun and Cinco.

Cinco specifically:

From Cueball’s point of view, he’s the fun uncle!

Fluent in Spanish, speaks it with a Honduran accent. Sometimes uses Spanish words when talking casually, usually terms of endearment for others. Or insults/swears, because he finds it more satisfying to do so in Spanish, lol

Knows a ton of jokes, including puns, in several languages.

A charming guy, very outgoing and friendly with just about everyone!

Also a “he has your back when you need it” kind of pal to DOT EXE in general, but especially 8-ball and Neun. After 8-ball died, he got a bit more protective of Cueball too.

For his fashion style, he likes wearing patterned button-down shirts and sports shorts. For the shirts, of course that includes what’s called Hawaiian shirts, but really anything that has some sort of fancy/detailed patterned will catch his eye. Also tends to wear sandals/flipflops, or crocs.

He really likes racing games, also sports games in general!

Cinco was a bit of a jock type before going full-cyber on that note, playing a lot of sports back then too. He tried to get into various professional sports but never got very far. He’s good at whatever he plays, but evidently just not one of the best for it. Also doesn’t help that he never tried focusing on one particular sport at a time, to the point where he stretched himself thin after a while.

Occasionally plays basketball with the Franks, he’s actually good pals with them because of it!

Likes sports and muscle cars, though mostly driving them and not the maintenance part. He may or may not participate in drag races using stolen cars. Not that it’s hard to steal a car in New Amsterdam, there’s a lot of rich people with “smart” cars who don’t change the default passwords…

Real name César Hugo Raúl Garcia-Flores. On both sides of his family there’s histories of genetic illnesses, and after a certain point he was starting to show some early signs of them. This of course started affecting his health, and with his focus on sports and also wanting to get better as a writer/dancer, he ended up on the transhumanism forum to hopefully find a way to handle all that.

He genuinely didn’t intended to go full-cyber, just wanted to look into “less intensive” cybernetics. However, becoming friends with 8-ball and Neun and going over what they were planning themselves basically led Cinco to decide, “You know what? Might as well go all the way with this myself!”

A note on his full name, if people ask about it: he’ll say his parents couldn’t decide between the two middle names, and just gave him both. Meanwhile, neither parent was backing down about giving him one family name or the other, so they decided to just hyphenate it. But then they had an argument over the order (Garcia-Flores or Flores-Garcia), so they flipped a coin on it… that all being said, Cinco always says this like it’s another joke, so no one’s entirely sure if it’s the real story or not.

He had a boyfriend before going full-cyber. They broke up because of him hiding the fact he was planning to go full-cyber at all. Then again, them breaking up over that was inevitable anyways, because said boyfriend was the type of person to see cybernetics (especially full-cyber stuff) as something unnatural and disgusting. By the time of the game, Cinco has long since gotten over it (for the most part).

May or may not end up dating Escher, hee hee

Neun specifically:

From Cueball’s point of view, he’s basically the stern uncle lol

Has a bit of a “neutral” accent when speaking in his actual voice. It’s clear he’s hiding whatever his “real” accent is supposed to be, but no one knows what he naturally sounds like, not even 8-ball and Cinco. His voice gets shockingly deep when he’s angry, which is very rare.

Fluent in German and Spanish, having grown up speaking both languages. Claims to be from Germany. Though, he’s only ever spoken Spanish with Cinco in private “for some reason”...

… The reason being that he’s actually Argentinian (of German descent, hence him learning that language) and very much has the accent when speaking Spanish. Cinco clocked him as such when listening to him speak Spanish one time. Neun doesn’t want people to know that about him, so he’s sworn Cinco to never speak of it to anyone, even 8-ball. More on why later...

When in public, he basically puts up a front and acts the same kind of “dudebro” kind of way the rest of the members act. Outside of that, overall he’s a very serious and kinda cold guy, but he does genuinely care about his friends (and eventually the rest of the crew, though it took him a while to get there).

Between him, 8-ball, and Cinco, Neun is basically the “friend in charge of the one collective brain cell” kind of guy. It’s also why he’s second-in-command of DOT EXE, becoming the leader once 8-ball is killed.

Also the crew’s accountant, mostly in charge of sorting out collecting rent from the businesses in the mall. He gives a lot of leeway for local businesses if they’re late on rent, but gives no such mercy to the bigger brands in the mall.

Likes to stay organized. He will pick up after the others if they leave a mess, but will also complain and berate them while doing so.

Not exactly a fan of jokes or pranks. He dislikes puns in particular and finds them genuinely annoying (not in a “Damn it, I wish I thought of that myself!!” kind of way). He makes an exception for Cinco’s jokes, but mostly out of politeness as a friend. And even then it’s not like Neun will laugh, he’ll just politely stay quiet and shake his head.

For his normal fashion outside of the tracksuits, well, Neun can be described as looking like a stereotypical nerd. This means collar shirts and khaki pants, lol

Neun likes playing RPGs and strategy games, though he’s very old school and picky about what he plays. If it doesn’t have some sort of hard mode, at the very least a hard mode that can be modded in, he won’t bother with it. Just as an example, he likes playing Pokemon games but only with modded super hard modes and with Smogon-style strategies and team builds.

Claims his real name is Sebastian Jäger. He was originally just on the transhumanism forum out of curiosity, not really taking it seriously. However, at one point he had a mid-life crisis related to mortality, especially after having to deal with a string of family deaths around the same time. With him wanting to be a better writer and breakdancer, at that point he felt like he had limited time to even live at all, let alone enough time to improve at either of those.

Hence why he started being more active on the forum and looking into full-cyber conversion in particular, and that eventually led to him becoming friends with 8-ball and Cinco. He’ll never admit to this though.

He’ll also never admit that he accidentally crossed the wrong people on his journey to both go full-cyber and move to New Amsterdam. He’s convinced they’re still looking for him, even if the chances are incredibly slim. Thus why he’s hiding at least part of his origins...

His actual real name is Sebastián Montero, but again, he’s basically in hiding right now. "Jäger" was apparently the family name of an ancestor of his.

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Quatorze and Jūrō in general:

Quatorze is French, and Jūrō is of Japanese descent, both born and raised in France. Both can of course speak French, with their real speaking voices having a Parisian French accent. Jūrō is also fluent in Japanese.

They were both big time writers in their youth, with stories about them being what inspired 8-ball to become a writer in the first place! Then him talking about them to Cinco and Neun is what collectively pushed all three of them to want to get better at being writers.

They are a married couple and still consider themselves married as wife and husband, even after going full-cyber together (technically they are considered legally dead and thus no longer married, but screw the laws man).

On that note, surprise, Quatorze is actually a woman! Thanks to the default voice for the crew and the tracksuits, everyone just assumes she’s a man without hearing her real voice. That’s intentional, I’ll get into it a bit more in her specific section.

They are very, very loving to each other. Think Gomez and Morticia Addams, just without a morbid humor angle. Jūrō basically praises and is encouraging of everything Quatorze does, and Quatorze love to compliment him for anything he does too. Though sometimes it does get on her nerves, and he apologizes when she asks him to dial it back a bit. But also they have the mushiest pet names for each other.

They are both willing to kill and be killed for the sake of their spouse, but of course each of them would prefer that the other not going that far.

They see 8-ball, Cinco, and Neun as their peers. Meanwhile, both of them dote on Cueball, Twoson, and Fourside like their actual kids/grandkids. Cueball finds it annoying but secretly likes it, meanwhile Twoson and Fourside outright call them Granny and Granpy respectively.

Real names Marie-Madeleine Lucille Perrault, and Maximilien Théodore Perrault, respectively. Their backstory of how they went full-cyber is connected, so I’ll just go over it here: Tragically, in their 70s, Quatorze got cancer at some point, a kind that was unfortunately very hard to treat. She had the option to go full-cyber instead of continuing risky treatment just to potentially die due to being weakened by said treatment. And her husband Jūrō also went full-cyber to be able to stay with her!

Unfortunately, their kids were not happy with that. For some of them, there was confusion about how inheritance would work (eventually finding out that Quatorze and Jūrō would be considered legally dead anyways, so it was “fine”). For others, it’s moreso that they had already accepted that their mom will die, only for her to choose to keep living in the most “selfish” and “unnatural” way possible.

Suffice to say, Quatorze and Jūrō have not spoken to their kids since then, and they haven’t seen their grandkids since then either. They’re more torn up about not seeing their grandkids (they weren’t exactly happy with their kids fighting over inheritance and criticizing their parents’ decision on how to keep living). For the most part they’ve come to accept they’ll never see them again, but Jūrō is secretly holding onto hope they might see their grandkids again someday…

After the two of them went full-cyber, sometime later 8-ball reached out to them, having heard about what happened to them. He was basically like, "Hey you guys were big inspirations to us as writers! Wanna join our new full-cyber crew??" (at that point it was just him, Cinco, and Neun). They responded, "Well, we're not sure how to spend our retirement now, so sure! :)" So by the time of the game’s events, they’re in their 80s.

Quatorze specifically:

She’s basically the team mom! Very caring towards everyone in the crew, but also more than willing to put her foot down to get them to behave when needed.

Before going full-cyber, she was an actress. Her pretending to be a man when out and about as a writer is mainly to hide her identity. She was fairly famous at her peak, so even with her being “legally” dead, she doesn’t want people to find and bother her, especially not any overzealous fans. She does look back on her past work with fondness though, some of her favorite roles was getting to play as hammy, over-the-top villains in cartoons, animated movies, and live action movies.

Though as an actress, her pretending to be a man while in public as DOT EXE (including using the default voice the same as the others) is also just another role for her. She finds it a lot of fun!

She knits, as well as crocheting, weaving, and other crafts involving threads and such. She will knit you a sweater/scarf/hat if you ask politely!

For her civilian fashion, she likes wearing sweaters and long skirts. Sometimes she wears sundresses with a nice sunhat during the summer months, even if it’s not really necessary as a full-cyber person. She has fancier dresses she wears for date nights with Jūrō.

Her favorite kinds of video games are puzzle games and ‘slow’ platformers, mainly things along the lines of Klonoa, Kirby, Mario, and Banjo-Kazooie.

Jūrō specifically:

He’s basically the team dad! Very supportive of his crew mates. He leaves being the “stern parent” to Quatorze though, especially since Jūrō tends to be too soft on someone if they messed up or started issues with the rest of the crew. It was the same when they were full-flesh with their kids and grandkids, he’s mainly just afraid of seeming too “mean”.

Unfortunately he can’t do dad jokes, but at least Cinco has that covered, lol

He worked as an accountant, but didn’t like the work very much. He was able to be a stay-at-home dad once Quartorze’s acting career really took off!

He likes to garden, and he’s the one that works the most on the mall’s greenhouse.

For his civilian fashion, usually wears nice pants (like the kind for suits) + long button-down shirts. Also wears sweater vests that his wife makes for him! He has full suits and waistcoats for date nights with Quatorze.

His favorite kinds of video games are life sim games, such as Animal Crossing and Stardew Valley (“If only growing plants were this easy in real life!”). He also likes idle games, especially ones that don’t demand his attention too much.

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Twoson and Fourside in general:

Yes, their names are references to the Earthbound towns of the same name. They picked out their own billiard numbers to specifically make that reference, lol

Twoson is agender (they/he) and Fourside is nonbinary (also they/he). Note that they were like this long before going full-cyber, since some people may assume it happened because of the transition.

For their voices, they actually only use their real voices when they’re alone together in private, and no one else knows what they “really” sound like. When out as civilians or in private with their crewmates, they use different synthesized voices from the one used for DOT EXE. Their specific synthesized voices will be noted in their individual sections.

For their civilian screen faces, these two will actually change them to express certain emotions, usually with very anime-esque stuff (eye shines, exaggerated evil grins, etc). Other members will just keep their faces static and express themselves through their voice and hand/body movement.

They are both pranksters, they love to cause mischief and mayhem! Not even their own crewmates are safe.

They get along with Cueball in a sort of sibling way. Sometimes getting along great, other times being at each others’ throats (i.e. Cueball vs. Twoson and Fourside, the two of them are deep friends and have never really fought each other).

Jūrō has taught both of them Japanese. He insisted on it after hearing them talk (or rather, trying to talk) in Japanese once, they were really horrible at it before his lessons. They both also know a bit of Spanish from Cinco.

Between the two of them, they have a huge anime and manga collection! I will mention some of their individual favorite genres for that in their respective sections.

They make video games! Just as a hobby, so all the games they make are free. Said games are mostly in the form of super hard ROM Hacks, or weird/eccentric/trippy games (think along the lines of Yume Nikki, OFF, Hylics, Space Funeral, Goblet Grotto, LSD Dream Emulator, etc.). Neither of them can code very well, so they usually convince/force Cueball into helping them with their various projects. What they provide for said projects themselves is mostly the ideas (both of them), music (Twoson specifically), and art assets (Fourside specifically).

Suffice to say, the games they make are not ones that any of the other DOT EXE members normally play. Neun has played some of the ROM hacks they’ve made for RPGs though, mostly because of the ridiculous challenges they put in.

They both have similar tastes in music, usually stuff that is fairly “eccentric” compared to mainstream music. Basically along the lines of Caravan Palace, Will Wood, Lemon Demon, Jack Stauber, GHOST and Pals, Vane, and R.I.P.. Also enjoy a lot of Vocaloid and Synthysizer V songs, especially the more creepy and macabre stuff.

On that note, they’ve definitely hijacked the mall’s sound systems to play their favorite songs as pranks on people more than once.

They both really like horror games. With poorly made ones, they only play them to riff on them and make fun of their game design. They may or may not have a YouTube channel dedicated to this. They may or may not also do streams as vTubers on that note…

Honestly they like horror content in general. Movies, novels, games, anime, manga, comics, TV shows, art… they’d probably get along great with Daishō!

Real names are Beau Driessen and Robin Zaal respectively. Like with Quatorze and Jūrō, Twoson and Fourside’s backstories are connected. Twoson was severely injured in what was ruled an “accident”, to the point of only having two options: go full-cyber, or just stay bedridden for the rest of their life. Meanwhile, Fourside went full-cyber in order to bury their old identity, after having taken care of the people who caused the “accident”. Both of them going full-cyber happened in their late 20s, they're both about 35 now.

They were both writers before going full-cyber, and the “accident” was caused by some rivals they had to deal with. After the conversion, they heard about DOT EXE as a full-cyber crew, and decided to join up with them.

They are very protective of one another. Fourside in particular will get very vicious against anyone who tries to hurt Twoson, even if it’s another DOT EXE member.

They’re also the type to use insults to show affection to each other, “You nerd!”, “You’re such a dork!”, etc. Towards anyone else, it’s genuine insults.

Twoson specifically:

The voice they use when going around as a civilian is an androgynous synthesized voice that’s a bit on the higher side.

Twoson is the nicer of the two, for what it’s worth, but still tends to be obnoxious at times. They also like to be fakely sweet sometimes, especially when trying to get a favor out of someone else.

For fashion, Twoson likes wearing a jean vest covered in a ton of buttons. They also like to wear skirts over cargo capris, tie-dye shirts, chokers/collars, and headbands which have been modified to fit over their head.

They like to do craft stuff sometimes, like origami, needle felting, papercraft, and clay sculptures. They also make the buttons and tie-dye shirts that both themself and Fourside wear.

They make music! The best way to describe it is very weird and also sometimes creepy. Basically ranging from quirky digital/midi music, to dreamy but still unnerving drones and tones, to Silent Hill 1 industrial scary noises.

Besides horror video games, they really like dating sims and visual novels. They have a whole menagerie of what they call their fictional spouses.

Twoson likes the magical girl genre in particular for anime and manga. They actually really hate shows like Puella Magi Madoka Magica that try to subvert the genre or otherwise do an intentionally “edgy” take on it. A lot of magical girl series already have dark themes anyways!

Fourside specifically:

The voice they use when going around as a civilian is an androgynous synthesized voice that’s a bit on the lower side.

Fourside is the meaner of the two, for what it’s worth. They’re more quick to genuinely insult people and use a lot of sarcasm. However, they will be respectful when it counts, usually only for other DOT EXE members.

For fashion, Fourside also likes wearing a jean vest with tons of buttons and tie-dye shirts, like Twoson does. They also wear a skirt over skinny jeans, lots of bracelets, and beanies that Quatorze has made for them.

On that note, Quatorze made some of the thread/string bracelets that Fourside wears, and she showed them how to make bracelets on their own too. So the rest are the ones Fourside made! You can tell which ones were from when they first started out, and which ones are more recent and thus better quality. They’ve also made some of the collars/chokers that Twoson wears.

Fourside does digital art in the form of 3D models and complex MS Paint stuff. They mainly do this just to make weird stuff and put it out their for people to enjoy. A lot of it is very abstract and weird, with a sort of “old-school Internet” vibe a la ENA/Eastern Mind: The Lost Souls of Tong-Nou/Disillusion ST/Hylics/etc.

Besides horror video games, they really love beat ‘em ups and fighting games! Do not challenge them to some of the big ones (Street Fighter, Tekken, Smash Bros, etc.) unless you want to lose.

Fourside has no particular favorite genre for anime/manga, but tends to like series that end up categorized as shōnen. Also really enjoys superhero tokusatsu shows and movies (i.e. stuff like Super Sentai/Power Rangers, Kamen Rider, Ultraman, etc).

Cueball

He’s the lovable goofball basically. Lots of joking around and teasing people, especially his friends! That’s basically how he shows affection a lot of the time.

Though he’s also fiercely loyal to his friends and crew. Mostly because despite being friendly and outgoing, he doesn’t exactly have a lot of friends outside of DOT EXE. Eventually that changes once he joins BRC, but he still cares about and hangs out with his old crewmates.

He’s from the United States, and 8-ball helped him with moving to New Amsterdam.

He loves cats! Before he went full-cyber, he was very allergic to cats and wasn’t allowed to have any because of that. After going full-cyber, he eventually realized he didn’t have to worry about allergies anymore. And so he set out to adopt ALL the cats, lol. It got bad enough to be a hoarding situation, and the rest of DOT EXE at the time (8-ball, Cinco, and Neun, this being before any of the other and Cueball himself joining) had to step in for an intervention. They got the cats rehomed or put in adoption centers/cat shelters, and Cueball decided to just volunteer at those shelters to help out. A much better situation for everyone involved, especially the cats!

Cueball owns a ton of blankets and pillows, and likes to make his own pillow forts and stuff in his room for Extra Comfort. Also sometimes throws them in a clothes dryer to make them warm. With the thing about body sensors for full-cyber people I mentioned earlier, Cueball is of course the one that takes full advantage of the sensors whenever he can!

Quatorze has made whole blankets for Cueball. He doesn’t like to admit it, but he does appreciate those blankets, they’re very comfy.

His favorite kinds of video games are action, action-adventure, and search action (a.k.a “Metroidvania”).

Cueball hates his real voice for the most part, and he’s the only one who will keep using the default DOT EXE voice even when alone with the rest of the crew. They do know what he sounded like before he used that default voice (he only started using it all the time after he joined DOT EXE), but it’s been so long that most of them have forgotten it by now.

When it comes to fashion, Cueball’s “style” is more about comfort than anything else. Hoodies! Sweatpants! Sweaters! Oversized t-shirts! Comfy socks! Super comfy sneakers! Sometimes various winter hats if he can find any that will fit over his head lol. He has a ton of stuff that Quartoze has made for him, though he feels embarrassed to actually wear them outside of the hideout.

As mentioned previously, he doesn’t bother changing his screen face to a different one from his billiards face. Though he will change the red triangle in the middle to different emojis or reaction images/gifs for expressions. Or otherwise to mess with people.

So Cueball is the only one who doesn't bother with the voice changing nor face changing. The only thing different is his clothes. If a cop suspects he's the same Cueball from DOT EXE, he basically goes, "Oh? You think I look like a criminal just because I'm full-cyber too? Prejudice much?!" and that actually gets them to back down most of the time lol

He used to do programming and other computer related tasks (including messing with servers and hardware) as a job after going full-cyber and before eventually joining DOT EXE. He’s still good at those things too! But at least now he keeps up with those more as a hobby, which he honestly prefers. He thus tends to refuse to help with the IT stuff for the mall, he’s sick of doing that kind of thing for work.

He wanted in on the crew mostly because he was sick of feeling “left behind” by everyone else whenever they’d go out to do writer stuff. By the time he joined, Quatorze, Jūrō, Twoson, and Fourside had already become part of the crew.

He’s the only DOT EXE member with no prior experience as a writer (especially before going full-cyber), and so he’s had to put in a lot of practice with the rest of the crew. Due to his lack of skills, he was only really allowed to join because his older brother 8-ball let him join, and even then only after Cueball begged him about it a lot.

On that note, and as mentioned in 8-ball’s section, Cueball and 8-ball are specifically half-brothers. They cared about each other, and 8-ball very much tried to help out his little brother whenever he could. Back when the two of them were still full-flesh, they weren’t too close, but at least kept in touch via email and sometimes actual postcards despite the age difference between them. Mostly 8-ball wanted to be sure Cueball had another adult he could turn to if he was in trouble, because he knows how their dad is.

After moving to New Amsterdam, they did get a little closer as brothers. Cueball has a lot of admiration for his older brother because of his writer activities, though sometimes Cueball would be annoyed or even hate 8-ball for (in his eyes) “babying” him when 8-ball was just trying to keep him safe. Eventually, sometime after 8-ball died, Cueball mostly just regrets not really knowing 8-ball that well in the end.

Cueball starts trying to get into rhythm games after 8-ball’s death, and he even tries to join in on the rhythm game competitions with Cinco and Neun. He’s getting pretty good at it!

He does a lot of pranks with Twoson and Fourside. Also prank wars between the three of them! Neun makes a point to have plans outside of New Amsterdam for the weeks surrounding April Fools Day, while the rest of the crew just roll with it.

Besides Twoson and Fourside, Cueball gets along fairly well with Cinco, Jūrō, and Quatorze. For the last one, he has accidentally called her mom once, and he had her swear to never tell anyone else what happened.

He’s dating Bō! Cueball is really big on physical touch as a show of affection. He is thus incredibly cuddly and big on handholding and hugs! He also cuts back on the jokes and teasing just for Bō (for the most part).

He used to do a lot of cooking and baking before he went full-cyber. Once he started dating Bō, he actually go back into cooking to be able to cook stuff for his boyfriend! He still remembers all of the recipes he tried out, plus reads up on new ones to try. Unfortunately, due to of course having no sense of taste now, he has to either use recipes that don’t need tasting in between steps, stick with recipes that he already knows Bō likes, or otherwise make sure Bō is around for taste-testing.

Bō is the only one who knows what Cueball’s real voice sounds like, and even then Cueball only uses it when they’re alone together in private.

Real name Ernesto Alberto Visser. Cueball got Covid when he was about 15. The resulting long Covid was bad enough that, in his early 20s, he decided to just go full-cyber instead of continuing to suffer. His older brother 8-ball helped him out with that. At first it was just helping him move to New Amsterdam to get better medical treatment (and to get away from their dad and Cueball’s mom for that matter) once Cueball turned 18. Eventually that lead to helping Cueball with going full-cyber once the treatments proved ineffective. He did so sometime after 8-ball, Neun, and Cinco went full-cyber themselves. Cueball is about 43 during the time of the game.

Cueball originally had plans to become a chef or at least a baker, but when he got sick, part of the problems from his Covid infection was that his sense of taste got completely messed up. He was originally going to do programming as a hobby thing. But once he went full-cyber, he did programming as a full time job since he didn’t have anything else going for him, until eventually joining DOT EXE many years later.

Because of why he went full-cyber, he is distrustful of doctors (due to both the quack doctors his parents forced him to see to pretend that his Covid symptoms “weren’t that bad”, and the actual doctors later on who knew how serious his condition was but couldn’t do much for him anyways). He insists on accompanying his full-flesh friends to their doctor appointments to make sure they’re safe!!

[sparklingdemon]

hmmm........ that one ask i got about fallen leaf's thoughts abt other pokepastas got me thinking about cody's opinions of other pokepastas, too………

(ramblings under the cut bc i'm silly)

note: i'm only doing my thoughts on the kanto pokepasta trainers bc those are the most relevant to cody. cody is indifferent to characters like lost silver gold bc they just simply do not care about them as people.

glitchy red: it's probably obvious that cody wants to keep their distance because being in proximity to glitchy red would probably glitch out THEIR sprite as well and they do not want to find out what that feels like, but it's clear that underneath the surface is a vehement dislike for glitchy personally that cody refuses to explain. glitchy would probably be confused because it seems like the two would have a lot they could connect over (a fear of their players, a hate for the modern generations of pokemon, etc.) but cody believes that they are better than glitchy and don't want to be brought down to his level, and they're insulted that he would even compare himself to them. (though if glitchy knew cody's entire history, he'd immediately lose any sense of solidarity with them. cody knows that, which is why they wouldn't want him to know. they'd rather have glitchy feel sorry for them rather than have him actively hate them, bc deep down they Are afraid of what glitchy can do to them if he really wanted to)

fallen leaf: same deal as glitchy but somehow even more weirdly personal - cody considers fallen leaf as indirectly responsible the glitch that caused red/leaf to assimilate. hacker cody and fallen leaf's hacker knew each other, and hacker cody took inspiration from the beliefs of fallen's hacker. they chose not to fix the glitch when you choose leaf because of that, so cody probably vents a lot of that frustration onto fallen leaf even though it's not her fault that hacker cody knew her hacker. fallen feels sorry for cody but ultimately decides that they're a pretentious rude asshole who blames others for their own issues. fallen still holds love and hope for the world of pokemon despite all her trauma and she resents that cody couldn't feel the same way

blue tears: cody's own blue has some (justifiable) motive to want to kill them, so it would barely surprise cody at all if one day their own blue just decided to skip the pokemon battles and go straight to stabbing them w a knife. unfortunately for BT!blue, cody is carrying pokemon to defend themself with and he is not. the MOMENT cody senses murderous intent from blue he's getting a thunderbolt sent his way because cody isn't too shellshocked to react in time like red in blue tears was. and if necessary cody WOULD fistfight blue even if they get cut in the process. cody is too damn scared of death to go down w/o a fight - which might actually surprise BT!blue, who just expected his "rival" to be as unexpressive as ever

steven [strangled red]: on a superficial level, cody hates how similar they look to this guy. (original the character™ with long hair who's wearing red's clothes happens to describe both cody And steven) cody is weirdly meta-aware of the fact that steven is someone's OC and not a canon character to the games, but if they actually met him face to face in-game? they'd be scared shitless of him. cody was lucky that their own charizard was too polite to attack/kill them, but s!3v3n can and Will sic his charizard on anyone he doesn't like - this boy has literally sent his charizard out to strangle his brother to death, and his whole thing in door's open is that he will still kill you whether you win or lose against him, so. cody wants nothing to do with that mess. cody already has enough charizard-related trauma, they don't need any more lol

[netherese-blorb]

"Illusion is my Language": Narrative Comparisons Between Gale, Astarion & The Emperor

When confronting the Emperor about his manipulation of you near the end of act 3, he tells you: “Illusion is my language, just as words are yours.” This is a world of magic and fantasy, after all, illusion is everywhere. Just like words, it’s value-neutral; a tool to be used more or less ethically depending on intention and context. But ultimately, this is just deflection. The player’s discomfort doesn’t just stem from the Emperor changing his face and giving them fun space dreams. He lies. And both the lies and the fantasies he fed the player were for the express purpose of controlling them. 

The difference between illusion and deception is something I think the game is really interested in engaging with. As examples, let’s look at the romance plots for Gale and Astarion and how they compare with interactions you can have with the Emperor: 

Gale is an illusionist. Literally. Like the Emperor, he constructs unreal, dream-like worlds to please the player character. The idea that he is still ‘Gale of Waterdeep’ the arrogant master of the weave is itself something of an illusion. But there is no deception to his magic; no transaction or manipulation in the things he offers. He sees it as his art. Like any insecure artist, he conflates his abilities with his self-worth, but at no point does he use it to get the player to act a certain way or think something that isn’t true. There’s no sense that the things he creates for the player are a service or favor he does in hopes of reciprocation. If anything, the times when we see Gale’s illusion magic are all framed as deeply vulnerable, where he is presenting the player with a truth about himself and worrying if he’ll be accepted for it. Gale speaks this same ‘language of illusion’, but we see over and over that that ‘language’ is just as genuine and self-sacrificing (if a little pretentious) as his words are.

The direct contrast to this is early-game Astarion, whose act 1 relationship with the player character is explicitly deceptive, but not illusory. Yes, he leaves out his vampirism from his introductory backstory, and his initial seduction is a ploy, but Astarion was never portraying anyone but Astarion. He doesn’t hide that he’s a scoundrel with no patience for heroics, despite that certainly working against his plans to win the player’s trust. His charm, flamboyance, and mannerisms all remain even after he starts living more honestly. But, like the Emperor, he lies to manipulate and to hide the truth of his ‘monstrous’ nature. In act 2, Astarion reveals that, despite now having genuine feelings for the player, any sense of intimacy he created at the start was manufactured for his strategic advantage, something the Emperor can also confess to if the player chooses to romance him. The Emperor's actions are deceptive, and that deception exists separately from any illusion he puts on. 

(Tangent: In defense of Astarion, there’s a difference in power dynamic that I think makes his early-game actions more defensible than the Emperor’s. Where the Emperor exploits the power and information he has over the player character to bring them under his control, Astarion sees you as the one in power and tells only what lies he thinks are needed in order to endear himself into your protection.) 

Once the Emperor’s illithid form is revealed, all pretenses of illusion are dropped. No more guardian, no more space dreams, no more kind words. What remains are his attempts at control. He will still do everything he can to steer the player away from things that might reveal information about him or disturb his plans, but now he does so in his own voice. Because truly, it's the language of deception and manipulation that he just can’t stop speaking in. Even at the last possible moment, when all of his facades have been removed and the player has the means to free Orpheus, your benevolent dream guardian, who was revealed to be a mind flayer, who was revealed to be Prince Orpheus’ captor, who was revealed to be Balduran, who was revealed to be the betrayer of his greatest ally Ansur, tries to convince you “I never lied… I’m just like you.”

Sooo fuck that guy, right?

[solar-halos]

spoilers for the ballad of songbirds and snakes movie down below!! but i just need to talk abt this in xtreme detail before i explode

1. i really liked the Baby Snow / Tigris inclusion. i was wondering if they’d include the cannibal scene

2. the beginning was just a straight up thirst trap sorry. like ik in the book snow was freaking out over his shirt but it didn’t rlly occur to me that he’d be butt booty naked. im not complaining bc i said it once and i’ll fucking say it again: i’m not watching someone be manipulative AND ugly for two fucking hours. it was just kinda a jump scare

3. also another concern was that you wouldn’t be able to tell how shitty of a person he was since he’s so outwardly nice but his internal monologue is slimy and ratworthy, so i thought they’d do the things movies do where he’s narrating his thoughts to the audience. yk like “hey persephone! <3. how are you??” and then his voiceover is like “i fucking hate this bitch. cannibalistic weirdo” but maybe that would have been too humorous

4. speaking of humor i actually loved lucky so fucking much. he rlly emulated the whole “what i lack in experience i make up for in personality :)” thing and just he kinda carried the fact that everything abt televising the games was so new. also that scene at the zoo where lucy gray asked him who the fuck he even was and the cameraman started laughing.. funny as fuck. enjoyed that part immensely

5. also she did in fact correct them that her name was lucy gray and not just lucy

6. loved the whole “how come she gets a mender” “MENTOR” part i’m also glad they kept that in

7. let’s go back to the beginning. i LOVE how closely they stuck to the book when it came to the shirt scene “that must be why it reminds me of my maids bathroom” THATS what i’m talking about

8. also clemensia is sooo pretty. one thing that irritated me was how OFTEN she and snow kept glancing over at each other during dean highbottom’s speech. like i know i’m being irrational abt this but most the time she would look over at him and he would NOT look back (or vice versa) instead of them BOTH hitting each other w the “what the fuck?” glance and something abt that did admittedly grind my gears

9. fucking love sejanus’ actor the first movie i saw him in was west side story and he ate here

10. speaking of that… coral fucking ate too every single scene i was on her side she was the victor to ME

11. anyway let’s go back a bit with the proposal gaul had snow (and clemensia) write up. to me, the way the scene unfolded was weird. it was supposed to show a contrast between clemensia mourning and snow not rlly giving a fuck, but clemenisa being the one saying “give me the bullet points” was strange. to me, i feel like the convo should have gone like: “how could gaul expect us to write that proposal i was crying over arcchane all night” “dw i already wrote it” “where did you find the time? i was too busy grieving” “do you want the bullet points or not?” or something. idk i’m not a movie writer

12. why did clemensia stick her hands in there maybe it was the same in the book but at that point she just needed to admit defeat

13. okay one thing i DO remember about the book is that no one at the cornocupia fought each other, reaper was literally the only one ready to fight. that kinda pissed me off bc i feel like they could have made it interesting in a emotional way (like showing how desperate the tributes are to escape in their own ways) instead of an action sort of way (bc GODDAMN where did they learn to brawl like that?? d4 makes sense but some of them were shooting ARROWS katniss everdeen style). but again im not a movie person so “interesting in an emotional way” is just me being pretentious

14. wovey </3. i’m not rlly sure why they had dill drink the water i think having wovey drink it like in the book would have packed more of a punch ESPECIALLY since lucy gray makes a comment abt how she reminds her of maude ivory / that scene where wovey holds her hand. maybe that was in the book too tho i’m not sure i haven’t read it since it came out. one change that i did remember AND tolerated was snow being the one to cause the whole fuck up w the drones “i wasn’t attacking the other tributes—i was just sending her water” VERY good scene, gave more insight to his character imo. like yes i would have loved a d3 moment but i think this tweak not only made sense but made everything much more nice and neat and smooth

15. okay the singing parts. loved the reaping, but lucy gray constantly being like “give me a second, boys” “let’s go, boys” reminded me of that one delaney video

16. “you can kiss my ass!!!!!!” she ate that

17. also oooo the song she sang abt billy taupe that made snow jealousssss. she was so good like ugh. idk something abt the >:( faces she made ignited something in me. which is exactly the point of lucy gray and rachel zegler literally did such a fantastic job playing maria in west side story so tbh what we were expecting if anyone could have played this role it was her

18. and then lawrence whatever saying this was a love story… okay. i’ve always had the opinion that lucy gray genuinely liked snow (like in a stockholm-y way) BUT snow was too blinded by control to actually love her back, so i could see where he was coming from. with that being said, i feel like in the books snow had a lot more moments where he was doing / saying “sweet” things to lucy gray, so the scene where they almost kissed and then her happiness at being reunited with him just seemed so awkward and out of place. like i get it they truly did not spend that much time together but the kiss before the arena was so important idk why they left it out. when they kissed after being reunited and when she was like :D after seeing him in 12 i was like “uhh yall don’t even know each other like that calm down”

19. let’s go back the arena. i like the little nod of lucy gray killing treech w rat poison, even if it was kinda anticlimactic

20. speaking of anticlimatic… the ending? sucked. like it would have been abrupt either way and maybe i’m just misremembering but the lucy gray showdown with treech could have been the action scene that replaced the bloodbath (bc the bloodbath didn’t exist back then!!! that was the whole point!!!). also i don’t remember gaul being so adamant about not wanting a victor at all, but i understand why they did that bc how else would they have incorporated the “get her out” chant

21. there were a lot of scenes that made me go “ohhh i wanna remember this forever that’s so good and clever.” of course i forgot abt most of it by the time the movie was over, but one scene that stuck out to me was when the capitol students got rlly fuckin angry when reaper tore down their flag

22. also i knew what happened to marcus but tell me why i gasped when i saw him hanging there anyway

23. i don’t remember lamina crying in the books??? also don’t understand why snow was against the alliance here i think him being confused abt it in the book was better bc i when i read it i remember being genuinely surprised that he was surprised that lucy gray wanted to team up w someone i was like ummm isn’t that common sense

24. “it isn’t fair i killed all those ppl for nothing.” GOOSEBUMPS

25. again maybe i’m misremembering but didn’t snow beat the shit out of bobbin even after he already knew he was dead?? even if that wasn’t the case and i’m just misremembering i feel like they should have drawn that out more to show snows descent into Psychotic Bitch Mode

26. that scene where billy taupe was pulling at lucy grays skirt and being like “ik u missed me” dragged out for WAY too long, esp since lucy gray kept repeating “get off me, billy taupe. get off me” like WAY too calmly given the context of the situation. again im not a movie person AT ALL, but i think her snapping and kicking billy taupe away could have been a nod to how she bit his hand in the book. then, after she kicked him, snow could have arrived and started being the shit out of him. idk her biting billy taupe was something snow mentioned when he was justifying how he was gonna kill her, so idk. i thought they were gonna do a ranting sequence / flashback scenes with snow remembering how lucy gray was “violent” / “dangerous” that would trigger him (no pun intended) to actually start shooting. like him beating up billy taupe for a longer time than he needed to was also an indicator that he’s in Psychotic Bitch Mode, but i feel like it could have been a 2-in-1. if that makes sense

27. why did billy taupe push mayfair in the TITS. go to hell

28. said it before and i’ll say it again: lucy gray is a fashion icon. i wanna crochet her bathing suit so bad

29. that scene where they were going to the woods and snow was slapping away the mosquito omg. he was PISSED

30. “it’s a mystery. just like me” oh my fucking god i love rachel zeglers portrayal of lucy gray

31. also call me classist but i fucking hate country music but rachel zeglers performances might have converted me. “cant take my paaaaaast” yee yee!

32. okay. so i think a big question was if snow was portrayed as properly slimy and ratworthy to ppl who did NOT read the books. in my opinion, i don’t think so. in the books, you can obviously tell he’s fucking awful. in the movies, he’s obviously shitty too, but i feel like there are moments where he’s portrayed way kinder than he actually is, like when he started crying over sejanus. they kept in a lot of stuff he said sympathizing w the tributes (like the part in the book where he was like “how could they punish marcus for trying to escape from certain death?” BUT they DID leave out parts that made him so intolerable, like when he genuinely convinced himself that lucy gray was more capitol than district / his gross thoughts abt the games and control and possessiveness in general. like remember when he said that having lucy gray locked up in the capitol was a better alternative than her being in d12 bc at least he’d know where she was at all times?? or when he was ready to give up on trying to reunite w her bc it was hot asf and SENJAUS had to be the one to convince him to keep going? wtf

33. ALSO something that bugged the hell out of me is sejanus’ death scene. bc in the book his last words were ma BUT in the movie it sounded so much like he said pa. idk if that was just me tho but it caught me so off guard bc this man has DADDY ISSUES and it would be so different if he said pa. Pa is money and wealth, Ma is comfort and compassion. wanting his dad = he rlly just wanted his dad to bail him out. wanting his ma = wanting comfort and stability. but it sounded a lot more like ma when the jabberjays repeated everything back so maybe i just misheard

34. snow glaring at the rainbow fucking sent me i know his ass was brainstorming (no pun intended) on how to control the fucking weather

35. okay sorry i need to talk more about how snow was portrayed. my sister went w me but i did not know that she didn’t know ANYTHING about the movie, she was just coming w me bc she felt bad that i’d have to wait another week to watch it and decided that she wasn’t even gonna read a summary abt it. like she did not know that coriolanus snow = president snow, but i was still hoping that she knew that he was a bad person. nope. as soon as we left, she told me how much she hated the ending, and i thought it was bc she was pissed no one found out about snow. nope again. in her words, “i thought they’d get married”

my live reaction to that information

to be fair, when i was her age, i thought heathers was a love story, so i had to cut her some slack. after a bit of INTERROGATION, this is what she told me:

1. at least she thought that HE’D move in with HER, and not the other way around

2. what would be his motivation for moving to the districts? cos obviously he hated the capitol

okay me when i write a lucy gray / sejanus fanfiction. but still. if that’s what she got from the portrayal of his character, i think it’s safe to say that they could have done a lot more work to ensure that he was perfectly ratworthy to the audience. like yes she’s young and yes she had no idea what the fuck was going on (in her words: “yeah i was like ‘i’ll just ask u to explain it to me after’”) but i feel like knowing that he’s an awful person who hates the district should be something u make GLARINGLY obvious, even if it would be cheesy. i know that shoving a hot person on screen and downplaying their characters HEINOUS crimes is rlly common when it comes to things like this, but i genuinely don’t think that was (quite) the case here. like he had the potential of being as horrible as he is in the book (not even hesitating to send the jabberyjay recording of sejanus to the capitol, telling sejanus he only said all that shit abt changing the world bc he just wanted to save his own ass) but it just.. felt very half-assed. in my opinion

36. look i know this post is already xtremely long but would u believe me if i said there were more things i wanted to talk abt but can’t remember bc i have goldfish memory?? bc i do. but that’s all i can remmeber for now. goodnight and goodbye

[semi-sketchy]

For an update (mostly) meant to flesh out the Ancients/The End, they still seem not all that memorable or compelling from what little I've seen. They're just as much as plot devices masquerading as (bland) characters as Sage still is. The plot EXPECTS me to care, but I just cannot because the lore/exposition in this game is soooo dull when it's not wholly confusing. And I gotta ask, is any of it gonna matter in future games? Does anyone really approve of this shite whilst still bemoaning how unnecessarily convoluted Shadow's backstory was? That for a supposed big threat, it all still took place on some small-scale remote islands? This stuff should begging for a retcon. Guess that'll be up to me. Hint: Fairy dust made it all seem real to both the heroes and Eggman. And the Kocos are Accidental Antagonists to have put them through all of it because they don't remember their true history on the islands...

The question of which ending is canon is up for debate, but personally I think this one is going to cause more problems long-term. I literally started yelling at the side story when Sage said the Ancients had satellites that are still functional.

Tens of thousands of years old, still orbiting, functional, and NO ONE HAS NOTICED THEM? This is the world that had a SPACE COLONY 50 YEARS AGO and they NEVER asked what these old satellites were?? Like man, if we discovered ancient satellites circling our planet, there would be some paranormal podcasts talking about this "unknown" and obscure fact, but here no one has noticed?

Also extremely disappointed they did nothing to expand on The End. If anything, this is regression from base game because it's missing that pretentious speech. I wanted to know WHY this consumer of worlds was specifically chasing the Ancients. If it's just supposed to be symbolic, then that was completely lost on me.

I'm with you on the not being able to care part. I'm not bonded to these characters and the short cutscenes around the trials doesn't change anything about the pilots. It's just "WE DIED TO CONTAIN THIS THING AND YOU SET IT FREE-- oh you passed my brute strength trial. K guess you're a good guy." Sonic gets some sass with the King Koco, but it also feels...off. It's not his normal disrespect towards authority.

To go on another tangent, the opening cutscene bothers me.

Sonic isn't the person to give a "rally the troops" speech. Although, how this scene was written made that direction the ONLY way it could've gone.

I think of the Last Story cutscene from Heroes. Sonic just listens.

When he says he'll fight Metal Overlord, it's Tails and Knuckles that pop up to say "we're going to help you!" and Shadow that says they'll buy them time.

Sonic doesn't ask anything from anybody, he just graciously accepts their help. Compare how this was written to sticking Sonic in a place where he's the one who has to explain what's going on and tell others what he needs.

It's a case where the plot moves the characters and not the characters moving the plot, which is the perfect storm for OOC moments. That is exactly what happened with Eggman when they decided Sage was a good idea.

Sage just regurgitates random info about rocks and other stuff no one asked about, like there was ONE LINE where she sounded kinda different which made me think it would've been so good if Sage was more like GLaDOS. I want her to have more sick burns. But no, innocent child because Eggman "needs" a daughter and Sonic has to have a reason to help the girl that's been trying to kill him the whole game.

I don't understand how anyone can call this "peak" because it's just so self-important and straight-faced serious, it's at the point of monotony. It breaks what I like about these characters to wrap them up in a "serious story" blanket whilst failing to properly build up the threat.

I hope they reevaluate their choices and this isn't really the standard moving forward because it's so stupid it hurts. And that's just the story/lore.

[iamnotawomanimagod]

Did you finish The Tortured Poet's Department? I'm not a swiftie but I'm seeing a lot of mixed reactions.

I did, finally.

There's parts I liked and parts I really disliked. This is going to be a criticism-heavy review, so please scroll on if you don't want me harshing your vibe

First and foremost: Taylor Swift is one of the most popular singer/songwriters of all time. She's "earned" the right to do whatever she wants (not that anyone should really have to do that.) And there is undue pressure on artists, especially female artists, to reinvent themselves every era and bring something totally new to the table. And it's totally fine that Taylor didn't want to play that game. Any of my criticisms aren't going to take away the fact that she's a literal billionaire, selling out huge stadium shows worldwide, and will go down in history for all the work she's already released and the incredibly passionate fanbase she's gathered.

And I think that confidence, while earned, is a huge core of the problem with this album.

Someone needed to say "no" to her. Someone needed to be like "hey, glad you got that out of your system, maybe it doesn't belong on this album though." I feel there is a good album in here, a cohesive and complete piece of work, but there's about 15 songs too many (spread across both sides of the double album.)

My top three complaints are this:

1 - Too long, too much (this includes the lyrics which I'll touch on in a minute)

2 - Doesn't feel like an "album" but a collection of songs

3 - Too reminiscent of aspects of her previous sounds but not in a good way

Too Long, Too Much

I am a pretty casual fan and was already feeling the Taylor Swift Fatigue before TTPD was even announced, so when I woke up to discover 15 more songs than there was the night before, my heart literally dropped and I just felt exhausted. That feeling carried over into my listening and I found myself making edits to her lyrics like "that line would've been more impactful if it ended there" or "that's a bad metaphor and an unnecessary addition."

Like, she needed an editor. She needed someone to go through and make the lyrics less long-winded, and she needed someone to strike about half the songs. I made it through the whole album but I definitely won't be listening that way ever again. That's in part because...

It Doesn't Feel Like An Album

Walk with me on this one. I will cede the point that not every album has to be a beautifully flowing body of work to be "good." I'm okay with an album that plays with a lot of different genres - I think Halsey's Manic is a great example of that working. And if I squint, I can see the overall "theme" Taylor was going for, even if it feels poorly realized. It's one big poetry reading where everyone is heartbroken and no one knows how to strike unnecessary lines lol. It's clearly meant to be indulgent and pretentious and a little cringeworthy. And if you're a huge Taylor Swift fan and/or a big fan of poetry you're probably having the time of your life right now.

But I truly believe you could have hit shuffle on TTPD and put the tracklist in a different order and it'd feel the same - because right now it feels confusing, disjointed, and a little haphazard.

And I have to admit, I vastly prefer an album that sounds best when played in order. Even Manic has a section that works best when listened to in a row, and it tells a cohesive story. A good, strong album should be able to do both - have great songs that stand alone while also being a complete work when you put them all together.

Cowboy Carter by Beyonce did an incredible job with this - none of those songs sound the same, she plays in all sorts of (primarily country influenced) genres, most of the songs are great to shuffle in a playlist - but they all also flow together so thoughtfully and in such a satisfying way. Each song was placed with intention and care, so when you reach "Amen" you feel like you just went on a journey with a complete beginning, middle and end.

I can't think of a single moment on TTPD where that happened, where I had any "aha! very clever" moment in the production or even the lyricism. It just doesn't feel like it goes together, except under the very loose heading of "poetry reading after heartbreak."

Which is fine, I guess? But that also loops back around to "too much" because at some point it was just like... girl, make your point. Were you trying to make a point?

And maybe she wasn't! But that feels lazy for someone of her prestige, and it definitely makes me like the album a whole lot less.

Sounds Too Similar to Past Works

One of the things that I adore about Halsey's work is that none of her albums sound the same. While you can definitely pick up on certain patterns, it's not usually possible to say "this song sounds like it should have been on [previous album.]" Every album has its own distinct sound, aesthetic, and theme.

Granted, Halsey has had four studio albums, Taylor has had eleven. I'm not asking Taylor to re-invent the wheel. (I'm actually not asking her to do anything at all lmao, just expressing my viewpoint.) At the same time, like....Beyonce has eight studio albums, thirteen if you count her work with Destiny's Child, has been in the game even longer than Taylor, and is STILL finding ways to challenge herself and make her music even better.

Anyway, there were SO many songs on this album where I thought "this could've been on Midnights/Lover/Reputation/Etc." It's starting to really feel like Taylor just keeps repeating herself, especially from a sound/production perspective.

I guess she primarily works with two producers, Jack Antonoff and Aaron Dessner, and I can mostly blame the former for the songs with production that I hate. It'd be cool to see her branch out and work with someone else for her next projects, though. After a nice long break. Because it doesn't feel like there's anything really fresh or novel coming from these pairings anymore.

And again, there doesn't have to be innovation. Taylor's done a lot of innovating in pop music (by standing on the shoulders of giants, but still.) Maybe she's done with that. That does mean that I'm kind of done with her though, lmao. (Somehow, I think she'll survive.)

I really didn't like Midnights. I think there are more songs I like on TTPD, but that's in part because there's 31 songs to choose from lmao. I just personally want something more interesting. I like it when the artists I follow really push themselves and rise to the challenge of finding new ways to express themselves.

This kind of brings me to my fourth big complaint, which is that this album feels like it's going to be the most rewarding to the people who are the most invested in Taylor's personal life. Taylor's always written really diaristic and true-to-life lyrics, but this album in particular felt like it was especially "designed" to be a sort of "figure out which guy THIS one is about" easter egg hunt and like. Yucky.

It probably wasn't actually designed that way, this is more of a fandom issue than a Taylor issue. But like..... is it? Doesn't she make more money, sell more tickets, and remain in the spotlight longer when people obsess about her love life? Doesn't this album invite that obsession by being about nothing BUT her past lovers? Some of my favorite songs by her are the ones that have absolutely nothing to do with love or her love life. I feel like this one really lacked any of those.

And on a petty, catty note - it's embarrassing how many of these songs appear to be about Matty Healy lmfao. Like he must be somethin' else to inspire not only these tracks but many of Halsey's songs on Badlands as well. Tattooed golden retriever, indeed.

AND AND.... the fact that she's still writing songs about Kim Kardashian in the year 2024 is insane. Making it as obvious as she did by capitalizing Kim's name in the title is embarrassing and juvenile. I'm not saying that Kim's part in that whole fiasco wasn't wrong, and I certainly don't like Kim, but goddamn. That shit went down in 2016. Please move on. (Unfortunately it's one of the songs I like, but we'll see how long that remains true every time I see the title and remember who it's about.)

Anyway. Those are my big complaints. Here's the songs I actually enjoyed:

Florida!!!, Who's Afraid of Little Old Me?, I Can Fix Him (No Really I Can), I Can Do It With a Broken Heart, The Smallest Man Who Ever Lived, The Black Dog, I Hate It Here, thanK you aIMee, The Prophecy, Cassandra, and The Bolter.

I don't know how many of these songs will actually stick with me, I think my top three are WAOLOM, ICDIWABH, and The Black Dog.

there are a handful of moments I really liked, some lyrics that I found really good and clever. I might write those up in a separate post at some point. but suffice to say, TTPD is not going to be my album of the year and might not even crack my top five.

Thanks for asking anon! Hope you enjoyed my overly long rant.

[applegameisprollytaken]

Woohoo, another vent post! I get I need therapy! I will get it eventually. Maybe.

On today's episode of "apples says some bullshit about his emotions that nobody gives a shit about" we have:

The shards.

Pretentious name. I know.

But fuck off this is vent post I'm allowed to be edgy and self referential.

Ok so... I have noticed something about my characters every year or so?

They all tend to have to do with me irl, if that makes sense.

Everything is on display if you know where to look.

I know I won't make it. Not anywhere in life, not to old age. I'm going to work minimum wage until, most likely, I take the easy way out.

And I have a character that represents that

I was raised by homophobic and transphobic old farts who don't like change, and want me to pray to a god I'm sure doesn't care for any of us.

But yet I am close friends with trans people, and AM LITERALLY BI (male preference just to hammer the point home)

So I have a character for that

The feeling I am better than everyone mixed with the knowledge I will never accomplish anything people will give a shit about?

See my very first character written.

The fact that I have to hide who I am with those I care about most, out of fear of losing them? The fact that they only care about me because of the perfect facade I keep up?

Both are characters, sworn enemies of each other, despite being the same person.

The fact that my current personality is a mask I had so long I cant take it off anymore?

Oh, well would you look at that! I have a character for that, and it's topical

The fact I escape to a fantasy world that hurts more than helps. The fact that I live in my games more than I do in the real world, because I know that at least in my games, there is a actual rock bottom I can crawl out from.

I have a character for that.

I have a character for everything wrong with me.

My hatred of parts of myself I cannot change nor get rid of. My fear of how much I have lost of myself. My fear of the world taking more from me if I try to leave my special little place.

I have characters for that.

My spite? My hatred? My fear of death? My craving for it? My every last shard?

All for display.

I even was going to make a game about it, once upon a time.

And I have a character for everything else too. What is too broad to be one or two characters, so instead are split between the hundreds.

My ego, a cardboard cutout of falsities and theatrics, hiding what little self worth I really have

My anger, something that defined me for a decade before I could overcome it. A chained beast I keep in its box l, never to be seen again. (Yes, yes, I know it's edgy fuck off)

My anxiety, with defenses upon defenses to protect from anyone who tries to get close. No matter if friend or foe.

My "funny" disabilities. A jester who can't sit still or get a hint but still won't shut up no matter how hard you try.

And of course, the final boss of my issues, my depression. It eclipses all. Happiness weakened, sadness strengthened. Will to live gone the way of the dodo.

[2hoothoots]

First of all, congrats on destroying the BIG TOP! So to speak. (I'd ask if you could give it to me but they haven't invented that technology yet). Secondly, since you asked for Asks, what got you so into Norma as a character? I wanna compare and contrast. :V

hahaha THANK YOU! some day modern medicine will unlock the secret to equivalent exchange… some day

anyway, great ask because i Always have stuff to say about Norma. putting it under the cut for length (although to be fair, if you don’t want to see lengthy impassioned essays about Norma i’m not really sure why you’re following me in the first place)

first of all: i unapologetically like women who kinda suck. listen, okay, listen, i absolutely understand that the line between “fun to dislike” and “just obnoxious” is different for everyone but Norma falls entirely on the fun side for me. from her very first appearance, she’s so unnecessarily petty and snarky and competitive with this ten-year-old she literally just met, and i can’t lie i just find it incredibly entertaining. and also, y’know, i think she sucks but in a way that’s ultimately harmless and also so believable. she’s not a terrible person, she’s just a shitty teenager. i’m a Norma apologist, not in the “she did nothing wrong <3” way but the “yeah she’s mean but that’s what’s interesting about her” way. give me more female characters who are complicated and unlikable and make bad decisions!

secondly: she’s a shitty obnoxious know-it-all teenager, and boy, do i relate! maybe part of this is filling in the gaps and part of it is projection, but i look at her and i see someone with the compulsive need to “win” every conversation and prove they’re the smartest person in the room; someone who clings to their model student status because deep down they’re afraid it’s the only worthwhile trait they have, the single thing that makes them anything more than a useless waste of space with no friends and no redeeming qualities. characters who are jerks or bullies are really interesting to dive into for me, because there’s always something underneath that. Norma’s combination of annoying pretentiousness and deep insecurity is really compelling to me, and a lot of it is because i see my younger self in her. i feel like i really grok her as a character, and because of that i find her interesting to explore and write for!

thirdly, the big thing that drew me to her the same as it did the other interns was, ironically, their lack of screentime. PN2 has one too many ensemble casts, and individual development for some of the characters feels rushed, and i am first in line saying i wish we’d gotten more intern content. but what we did get was just enough to pull me in and hook me on the characters. the game left me wanting more, and honestly that’s what drove me to write so much fic of the intern cast in the first few months after release. they were so charming and felt so underutilised and i was desperate for more from them – and at the same time, because they had fairly little screentime they made a great starting point to develop further with headcanons and filling in the blanks and just turning them over in my head and imagining what could have been. what really gets my creative juices flowing is taking something from canon and building on it with my own stuff (which is also why i’ve gotten so invested in the future AU!), and the interns all have such strong concepts and starting points while also giving a lot of freedom to develop them and flex my own creative muscles.

like, i was thinking about why i never really got into the psychic 7 in the same way, and i think it does just come down to them being more fleshed-out characters in comparison. which feels so funny to say, haha – i love the old people’s club, they’re great, but i never latched onto them like i did the interns, and i think it’s because they don’t have the same fill-in-the-blanks potential. we get to learn about their backstories in pretty great detail, we get to explore 6/7 of their minds, and they all feel very succinctly developed but in a way that ties a bow pretty neatly on most of their characters. we learn so much less about any of the interns in comparison, but those unanswered questions just end up tickling my creative brain that much more. there’s a theory that people engage in transformative fanwork to give them the kind of engagement they didn’t get from the canon, and i think that’s definitely true here! maybe there’s an alternative universe out there where we got way more intern content and i never ended up writing any fics with them in, hahaha

[diezmil10000]

do you have thoughts abt lysinette...

ouughghghhhh many!! many thoughts!!!! i’m still bitter that a lot of good ships didn’t get an A support and lysinette is on par with dorogrid, which is one of my favorite ships in the game. they wrote two girls who are incredibly passionate about magic, love sweets and are younger than most of the other characters, made them fight and make peace about overworking themselves and refused to elaborate. don’t get me wrong, i like their support chain, but—uh. wait.

fe3h spoilers under the cut because we’re talking about lysithea

i just can’t believe they didn’t give annette the opportunity of knowing about lysithea’s crests when she can’t shut up about them in all her other supports. they literally refused to elaborate on why lysithea seems naturally gifted in annette’s eyes, and to me that would have given their fight a better closure that what they chose to end it with. annette should have also been one of those characters who help lysithea remove her second crest if they could end up together, despite her being a teacher and not a researcher in most of her endings.

what i’m saying is that if they can write 3243347 supports of hilda needing help with cleaning and 23789432 supports of sylvain hitting on women who dislike him they could have made a linhardt-lysithea support chain copy with annette. just that, instead of the autistic gay boy with zero empathy (i love him) that wants to study her, lysithea has to deal with the hyperactive girlfail with no filter that wants to study AND kiss her.

i’m just realising i’ve been complaining for a while, but i hope that i don’t sound too negative – i do have other thoughts that aren’t pretentious attempts to Fix The Bad Game. if lysithea developed feelings for annette during the academy phase she would be sooo embarrassed like what do you mean i have a CRUSH? on a GIRL who is a NERD? and her stupid classmates (claude and hilda, maybe leonie) would find out and tease her forever about it. like c’mon lys ask her to dance with you at the ball!! and she does and annette is stupidly oblivious and she just gives up because she doesn’t have time for that.

the reunion post-timeskip would be awkward as fuck for both of them too: annette comes back fully grown and serving cunt while lysithea-- she looks exactly the same tbh but she is 12 whole ass centimeters taller and that’s wild. if they had any prior feelings for each other the timeskip would be like boom! gay reason spell that always crits!! it’s been 5 years and the girl from the other class is now a soldier, and i’m a soldier too and i fight by her side and she’s beautiful, but the war isn’t stopping and no one is stopping me from kissing her either. we’ve grown so much and so differently and i don’t know where to start teaching her the kind of magic i now know about, if she even wants me to. if she even wants me. and goddess do i want her.

anyway. thanks for letting me talk about my brainrot, i’ve been reading a lot of fics about them (something i should have done in 2019 when i first played but hey, better late than never. i’m so thankful for ao3 and all the fanfic writers out there, it’s so rewarding to get back to an old fandom and find all the cool stuff that has been written while you were gone). i hope you have a nice day anon~

[thisaintascenereviews]

Lupe Fiasco - Samurai

I recently reviewed Eminem’s latest album, The Death Of Slim Shady, and to be blunt, it’s a bad album. It’s nothing but a 51-year-old man being a bully and constantly using slurs and offensive language to make himself feel better about never growing up and being as corny as he’s always been. I say all that because the sad reality is that for a lot of people, that’s the only rap album they’ll listen to all year. I’m not going to pretend that I’m a connoisseur of rap, but I listen to some every now and again. An album that caught my attention recently, literally a week or so before Em’s new dumpster fire came out, was the new Lupe Fiasco album, Samurai, and I would recommend this album a thousand times more than The Death Of Slim Shady.

I’ve been a fan of Lupe for a long time now, ever since I listened to him in 2015 when Tetsuo & Youth came out, although he’s been around for much longer than that. His career is weirdly opposite that of Eminem’s, and part of why I wanted to mention his new album, because while Eminem is still really popular, the majority of the underground really doesn’t care about him, whereas the mainstream doesn’t care much about Lupe anymore (not really his doing, though, unfortunately), he thrives in the underground. Lupe Fiasco is an incredibly talented, ambitious, and visionary rapper that can also sing really well, and has a lot of lyrics that are socially aware and/or deeper than you’d expect.

I don’t usually like a lot of pretentious and self-indulgent music, whether it’s rap, rock, or whatever it may be, but Lupe’s music has always been a great mix of unique and accessible. Despite his flows being spitfire, and his lyrics having a lot of meaning behind them, there are some great hooks within the tracks. Samurai is the first time I’ve listened to him since 2017, but this album caught my attention for two key reasons — it’s only a half hour long, and it’s a loose concept album about Amy Winehouse being what she called a “samurai battle rapper.” She said something to her longtime producer in a documentary about her that she was writing music that made her feel like that, and Lupe ran with it, resulting in this.

You don’t necessarily need to know this is a concept album, though, because it’s incredibly loose. What you do need to know, however, is that this album is one of the best albums of the year, and if you listen to one rap album this year, make it this one. This record is a half hour burst of some energetic, catchy, and fun jazz-rap that’s also poignant and well-written. It just shows yet again that Lupe is one of the most talented and versatile rappers, even almost 20 years after his debut. It may not change the game in any way, shape, or form, but not all albums need to. If anything, this just cements his status as a legend, and he isn’t relying on a tired and dated shtick to remain relevant.

At only a half hour, it breezes by, but I want to listen to it again as soon as it’s over, because of its replay factor. Songs like the title track, “Cake,” and “No. 1 Headband” are so much fun, and show off his voice nicely. Lupe’s the first rapper I think of who can “rap fast,” but also be good, as well as refrain from being pretentious and self-indulgent. He also just showcases his lyrical dexterity, too; he can switch his flow at a moment’s notice, whether it’s to another style or a sung hook, and he sounds great. The hooks on here shouldn’t be understated, they’re really good. His sense of melody hasn’t been lost, either, but his knack for being accessible and catchy, just as much as being able to rap in a spitfire way, is just as important.

This record is easily in my top five of the year; I’ll find a handful of records every year that I can’t stop listening to, and this is one of them. It’s just been on rotation constantly, but it’s so catchy, fun, and energetic. There’s just so much to love within this record, and I can’t get enough of it. Like I said, if you listen to one rap album this year, make it this one. Samurai is a killer album, despite its crazy concept, but the concept doesn’t quite matter, since it doesn’t directly tie into the album, anyway, so you can listen to it without knowing anything about it. It still holds up, regardless, but it’s absolutely fantastic in every single way.

[rmd-writes]

a harder ask:

you're on a cursed work retreat at a very vague place of work which i have not decided. as part of the retreat, you have to do team-building exercises. one of these exercises is an outdoor scavenger hunt. you're picked last (sorry) so you get to join whichever pair you want to. whoever wins gets a really good prize. pick the pair you'd be most likely to want to join, and the pair you'd least likely want to join:

TK and Carlos who are just married and literally cannot be detached from each other.

Alex Claremont-Diaz and Hunter Huntington III.

Henry Fox and Queen Mary.

Owen Strand and Pez Okonjo.

Roland Schitt and Sebastien Raine.

Paul Strickland and Moira Rose.

Marjan Marwani and the hopeless boyfriend from LS that got stuck in the flying porta-loo.

Mateo Chavez and David Rose.

Johnny Rose and Stevie Budd.

Jonah (as a baby) and Alexis Rose.

Then rank them in order of placings.

This was so much fun and took me way longer than it should have 😅

Would join: Marjan and the boyfriend (Caleb), because Marjan would kick ass and I think the boyfriend would be scared enough of her that her just do what he’s told.

Would absolutely fucking never join: Roland Schitt and Sebastien Raine - I do not have the patience to deal with Roland, and Sebastien is a shit human being

Rankings

1. Marjan and Caleb - as I said, Caleb would likely be scared enough of Marjan to just do what he’s told and would be less of an impediment than, say, Moira. Marjan is good enough to do everything on her own anyway

2. Alex Claremont-Diaz and Hunter Huntington III - ACD’s competitive streak is too strong, plus he’s scrappy and fast. Hunter, while a pretentious wanker, won’t want to be shown up so he will keep up with Alex, while simultaneously driving him mad. They’re slowed down slightly by Alex’s need to rant at and about Hunter periodically. If there are water ways involved, they’ll place lower in the rankings because Alex will push Hunter in.

3. Paul Strickland and Moira Rose - Moira is absolutely a hindrance to Paul, but she is charmed by him and he’s able to get her to cooperate. And if all else fails, he can just throw her over his shoulder. This slows him down just enough (because he tries to get Moira to cooperate for too long before just literally carrying her) that Alex and Hunter finish before he does, but only just.

4. Mateo Chavez and David Rose - okay first, the idea of David having to cope with Mateo is hugely amusing to me. There would be much eye rolling at Mateo’s enthusiasm and many “I don’t know what that means” in response to any and all superhero references. But the thing is, Mateo’s enthusiasm will go a long way, plus he’s a competent fire fighter who is capable of taking charge. And David, for all his protests, is the man who once shot a turkey and also carried his boyfriend up a mountain. If Mateo can give him some direction, I think they’re dark horses

5. Johnny Rose and Stevie Budd - they’ll be slow starters due to Stevie’s general lack of enthusiasm and Johnny bumbling some clues, but much like Steve Bradbury, due to the failure of some teams to complete the game, they finish higher in the rankings than anyone expects - even after Alexis convinces them to join forces so that Johnny can help with Jonah

6. Henry Fox-Mountchristen-Windsor & Queen Mary - poor Henry, as athletic and clever as he is, he’s hampered by the sense of duty and obligation to his family that no amount of time living as Alex’s partner can erase. In this scenario, Mary is nothing but dead weight who will inevitably slow Henry down.

7. Alexis Rose and baby Jonah - assuming that Alexis cannot simply foist Jonah off on an unsuspecting spectator, my fave girl is very resourceful but I do not think she could cope with an infant. Like, at all. Ew.

8. Roland Schitt and Sebastien Raine - does this need an explanation? Roland would misinterpret the clues and Sebastien wouldn’t even try. Roland finishes the game, but hours late.

9. Owen Strand & Pez Okonojo - they start strong but Owen gets distracted by a side quest (does he hear a crime being committed? See a hot blonde he absolutely has no business dating? Could be anything) and once he’s wandered off, Pez finds more leisurely pursuits. They DNF

10. TK & Carlos lose because they don’t complete the game. They get ✨distracted ✨

I feel like almost everyone else you’re sending these too is going to have a much simpler job because they’re not choosing between characters from three fandoms lol