#i literally can't get her out of my head
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when ya girl is so in love that she can't even function without even thinking about that girl she met once
this is a cry for help
#i literally can't get her out of my head#what is wrong with me#why is being gay so hard#why is being in love terrible#i just want to see her again#help me#aiden talks
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Hi! Please please please, could you tell me more about your coffin chain ideas?/nf
I am obsessed but barely anybody has jumped onto the ship yet and I am VERY new to the fandom so I wanna wait with making it myself until I know more lol. You are lowkey fueling this entire operations and I wanna thank you for that either way.
(rubs my paws together) you have no idea what you've unleashed anon i've been holding onto this ask specifically bc i've been sapping dopamine from it like a little leech waiting until i had time to hastily doodle up a little dynamics timeline for different stages of the ot4
i REALLY hope this makes sense . i feel the need to say this every time i post abt coffinchain but my ideas are rly specific and i've had time for them to infect my brain like mold so i'm defo ready to accept this all being rly niche and really just for me and like 3 other people
buuut if this little peek into my mind speaks to ANY of y'all i absolutely encourage implore and beg you to send me asks and ideas and whatnot about these 4 bastards literally whenever you want!!
TL;DR one half of the trauma bonded couple reaches out and forms an immediate kinship with the big scary guy that no one likes & convinces his petty boyfriend to let him fw them. then he starts bringing his deranged fbi otter around they start double-dating only for it to become a situationship and then the worst polycule ever
#saw#coffinchain#chainshipping#coffinshipping#hoffstrahm#hoffstrahmdonheight#i can't thank you enough btw i literally get so excited that people are actually interested in coffinchain... my beloveds!!! my ot4!!#also i didn't wanna draw more heads and make this post super long but this is w/o even explaining my ideas about the others to y'all#i love perezmanda/puppetshipping so i'm rly into strahm eventually confessing all of this to perez and begging for her to trust him and lik#not get them all arrested. just long enough to hear him out about how he wants to domesticate these poor freaks#and at first she's REALLY skeptical and then amanda won't stop YAPPING girl just wants to get a rise out of her so bad#also i love extended jigsquad casts. logan gets to be there bc i say so. as well as brad and ryan bc i think they're funny#and i love lawrence just inexplicably having goons#okay i'll stop rambling but see just 1 ask and you've already got me feeling insane about my brainrot#HOPEFULLY i'll have some fics soon and i can just actually put a name and fic series to my silly au thing... if y'all would want that#asks#anonymous#cat scratches
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everything is connected in l'amica geniale because ELENA makes it so. she is the one who offers the symbolism we all see to everything these characters do. she is the only one who sees the metaphorical kingdom behind the disgusting and the banal and the violent. she finds wounds in time and turns on a flashlight and suddenly the blood spilling out of it is a different, more vivid colour. lila is right to recognise the underlying disorder behind artificial structures humans build to feel more comfortable and elena engages in the same architectural work of creating boundaries where there aren't any, but she does it so differently from everyone else and that is why lila loves her. the way elena does this exists in direct contrast to the false safety most of the other characters are dependent on because the material elena uses to create her shapes is love stored in attention. it doesn't matter that nino sarratore wasn't actually beautiful. it matters that she saw him as such. it doesn't matter how lila cerullo actually was like. what matters is that elena greco loved her. love is the sole instrument that can shape things in a convincing and tenacious way.
#ily elena.#elena greco 📝#this post is the equivalent of her pulling lila out of the darkness.#l'amica geniale#letters from stephanie*#my mother is a legend. literally we will never know if nino was handsome or not. i can't get this out of my head. it doesn't matter.#it doesn't matter whether he was or wasn't. the love elena had is what matters.#post that would make me from 3 years ago stare in terror at what i've become#ferranteposting
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Young odysseus convincing everyone Ithaca is nothing but a poor island with rocks and goats to avoid any raids/conquerors/so he doesn't get murdered for talking to Helen bc "it's not like he's a real choice"
Young odysseus falling in love with Penelope at the same event: wait. Wait shit I fucked up hold on just hear me out
#the odyssey#Odysseus#Penelope#Pre-canon(?)#odypen#Odypen meet ulgy#When the cute “bumpkin” boy wants to marry you but only brought 3 goats for your cousins gifts#AND you caught him spying on your family#There's like a single line in the odyssey where I think some god is narratoring (not 100% sure)#And they have a well actually interjection moment to explain how Ithaca isn't just one island it actually has a shit ton of land#And is technically richer then every other country#Which honestly just makes it funnier that odysseus was like welp time to beg again with zero issues for 10 years#But it will never not be funny to me that young odysseus really shot himself in the foot with Penelopes family for the start#Like clearly it worked out but I bet Penelope father HATES him#Listen odysseus showed up to Helen's courting for the drama ONLY he never planned on marrying her#Bc he knew her husband would be murdered immediately#My man showed up for the drama and stayed for Penelope#Otp#I love them#And need more of these two being rat bastards to each other and LOVING it#Listen neither one of them has let a single thing go in their whole life and they like that about the other#Odysseus going to buy anything for his wife ever#Penelope: Oh my can we afford that this is just a simple rock island with a few goats#Odysseus: dressed head to toe in very very rich cloth that his wife made#Ithaca with the fastest ships bc ody designed new ones#Penelope: literally dripping with jewels that were MAYBE stolen (shut up you can't prove anything and Penelope likes it when he's a bastard#Odysseus: you're so right my bad that was so irresponsible for getting you a gift. Perhaps your father would like to pay instead?
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I feel like SV girlies haven't seriously considered "codependent mutually obsessive JuliNemo" yet and that's a shame, really. I've seen a lot of wholesome ChampionRank (really cute but a rehash of every wholesome yuri I've ever seen, not much original content here and that's okay) and one-sided obsessive yandere!Nemona ChampionRank (REALLY do not like the villainization of Nemona's neurodivergence but eh, you can do whatever you want forever) but not as much "these two get on like a house on fire. and boy, it's dry season" ChampionRank.
Where is "battle-hungry socially starved trainwrecks who have no one but each other" JuliNemo. Where is "oh god these two exacerbate each others issues into the stratosphere and this can only end in disaster but I can't look away" JuliNemo. Where is "bringing out the worst in each other and scaring the hoes" JuliNemo. Where is "you two are perfect for each other. Never change, just never involve anyone else in any of this" JuliNemo. There's so much potential here. Toxic codependent yuri save me
#pokémon#pokemon sv#championrankshipping#julinemo#babbles#my juliana is such a mess#she does not make friends easily and can't keep relationships for long at all#whenever someone enters her life she aants to make the best impression so she lovebombs them incessantly#and that either comes across as too much too fast or causes people to get too attached.#but she's young. she is very young. and the people who bothered to match her energy had ulterior motives#so now she's too afraid of getting too close to someone#she'll act the part but never show her true self#and at the slightest hint of genuine connection she'll RUN.#this of course clashes horribly with Nemona's own overbearing personality and loneliness#you know how she wants you to be her ideal rival. and you end up becoming exactly that.#yeah to my Juliana this was kind of a nightmare because. as much as this toed her boundaries#she isn't so inept as to not recognize a bit of herself in Nemona. so she decided to ride this out and appease her#and UH OH! she got attached. fear and need for control and validation from feeling wanted mixed in her head#and she started matching Nemona's energy and the two jumped into dating too fast and oops. they're codependent now#they literally can't handle being away from each other for more than two days or they start going feral#i wish i had the energy to write this one because i'm fascinated by this horrible dynamic. i want to study them in a rat maze#edit: i feel like i should clarify that this interpretation relies on Florian existing and being the one to help Penny and Arven#Florian isn't without his issues. he's a huge people pleaser too. but he's more of a doormat who can't say no
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Murder trio
i actually cried seeing this in my inbox i will not lie. like actually fucking cried tears of joy /srs absolutely no words can express just how absolutely thralled i am that you drew this. i'm actually ACTUALLY so so overjoyed and flattered and so happy that someone could manage to encapsulate just how much i love the jk!trio and just how silly they are and how you put your own spin on this and made them just as cute and silly and amazing as i've always wanted to see I'M ACTUALLY CRYING THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR DRAWING THE JK!MTT 😭😭😭
im so sorry for the late answer i have literally had no time to draw but TYSM FOR THIS I DREW MORE JK AU 4 YOU TO THANK YOU❤️❤️💜💜💙💙 ‼️‼️
they just got out of an extreme gaming session at the boardwalk arcade and now the suns setting and killer wants to get ice cream before it sets so they can watch the sunset but as usual she's a bit too excited for horror and dust to keep up and dust is absolutely dying (she gets ZERO excercise and killer is FAST) and horror just wants to take her time and also spare dust from killer's wrathful running speed. its ok though they manage to eat the icecream while watching the sunset even while slowed down (the vibes in this one are immaculate this is what jk fashion au stands for. silly fluffy important friendship bonding memories. i love. it's not full effort because i wanted to get this done quickly so i wouldnt respond late but im UNFORTUNATELY busy and now its been a day,,,,, I STILL LOVE THE ART YOU SENT ME THANM YKJ SO MUCH)
#nobody understands just how much i love this#NOBODY DOES. NOT A SINGLE ONE OF YOU. NONE.#this means so much to me i actually cant even explain#i NEVER expected that someone would ACTUALLY DRAW JK FASHION MTT. I NEVER DID#I JUST MADR JK AU BECAUSE I WAS FEELING LONELY AND BORED AND I LIKED THE CONCEPT#AND SOMEONE COMES OUT HERE AND MAKES ART OF SOMETHING I DIDN'T EVEN PUT THAT MUCH EFFORT INTO#IM ACTUALLY OVERJOYED I CANT BELIEVE THIS#i love art i love expression i love experiencing joy from the kindness of others#i don't even cry that much but this legitimately made me cry. like seriously#and theyre so cute and theyre so happy and sweet and amazing#and the rendering on this is absolutely fucking gorgeous#and i love how horror looks cute but she's giving dirty looks and all that#and killer is JUST SO HAPPY AND GO LUCKY AND STUPID I LOVE HER#DUST MY ANTISOCIAL BABY SHE LOOKS SO EMBARRASSED TO BE HERE#THIS IS SOOOO CUTE I CSNT HELP IM CDRYING IM DYING#how long did this take. i need to know. i can't believe you actually made art of my cheap concept and it looks so good#god now i need to draw more jk!mtt. just knowing that there's someone out there that likes the au so much makes me wanna create#goddamn ink and his joy of creating. he's cheering me on in my head right now#THIS IS LITERALLY THEM. THE MUTED COLOR PALETTES LOOK SO GOOD FOR THE FIRST 2#AND THEN THE BRIGHT PASTEL THIRS ONE??? ITS EXACTLY THE KIND OF GIRLY PASTEL CUTE I LOVE WITH THEM#unrelated but when i saw this in my inbox and it was censored i was expecting to see gore or something. not THIS. christmas came early#i had to whip up a thank you response quick and fast because this is the biggest mkst flattering thing ever. how can i not be thankful#how much art will it take to repay you for your time and effort. i will keep making jk au art until its been repaid#i really wanna use this as my pfp but i dont wanna not credit you so can i pls use it for my pfp.....???? will credit!!!!! PLEASE PLEASE PL#maybe i'll just redraw one of these and use it as my pfp instead if that's ok. i need to change my pfp anyways#ITS STOLEN ART AND I CANT FFIND THR OG ARTIST AND ITS BOTHERING ME I SHOULD CHANG IT#i get all giddy and happy and giggly when i see this it means so much to me. this is the best thing thats happened in ever#tricule asks#tricule art#jk fashion au
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opening the group chat for the first time today and there's like 200 new messages because everyone's Going Through It today it seems but one of my friends dropped 'I'm separating from [terrible boyfriend she's been living with for like eight years] for real this time, I just moved a bunch of stuff to my parents' and I'm losing my mind because y'all the subject changed almost immediately HEY HI EVERYBODY ELSE SHUT THE FUCK UP I WANNA HEAR ABOUT THAT???
#'I moved my stuff and my dog' can't leave the pup behind! 'I had to last winter and it was a big reason I wound up going back' HELLO--#was he holding your fucking dog over your head. I will kill the man?????#I DIDN'T KNOW SHE'S TRIED TO LEAVE HIM BEFORE??#I'm-- so-- okay listen. admittedly I am of course simply nosy. of course I am.#but also I have never liked david Ever. justin and I were LITERALLY talking DAYS ago about Worrying About Her being stuck with him#because she moved TO CALIFORNIA with him and he was being a piece of shit then and she had NOBODY out there#and now they're in denver and like. it's his house it's his money etc etc it's a really... logistically difficult situation#but at least she's made some friends in denver and convinced her parents to move out there so she's not COMPLETELY unsupported#like she was in CA#my point is: I'm nosey but I'm also INVESTED. I fucking hate this guy darling I've wanted you to leave him this entire goddamn time#she's talked *a little* about problems with him before but also we've been around him before and he's just generally awful#and it's. like. I'm so so so fucking glad you're moving in with your parents but also. genuinely are you OKAY--#MAN AND ALSO. EVEN IF IT WASN'T 'I HATE THIS GUY AND I'M WORRIED ABOUT WHAT THE BREAKING POINT WAS--'#THIS IS A SERIOUS LONGTERM RELATIONSHIP? IT ENDING IS A BIG DEAL REGARDLESS?? WHY DID WE CHANGE THE SUBJECT SO FAST HELLO#.... actually I've identified the source of my Wanting More Details#which is: hey babe are you in a phase of this where hearing about how much he fucking sucks shit would be upsetting or affirming.#because I wanna tell you how fucking happy I am that you're leaving him. because he's a piece of shit and you deserve better than that.#ARE YOU IN AN EMOTIONAL SPACE TO HEAR ABOUT HOW I AM SCOOPING YOU INTO MY ARMS LIKE THE CAT SAMURAI MEME.#AND THREATENING THIS MAN WITH A SWORD. BECAUSE HE'S TERRIBLE. CAN I GET A VIBE CHECK THERE. SHOULD I WAIT--
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tbh you are so real for talking about the misogyny targeted to mei & other women in the lmk fandom. in general its like people only value mei as: a: the wingman to some basic mlm ship or b: macaque 2.0. its honestly crazy how so many male side characters overshadow her in the fanbase despite not even having a FRACTION of her screen time. idk chat i feel like the reason people dont care about mei but care about some random male side/background character is less because they're inherently more likeable but because some of you view women as inherently less likable. and everyone is always like "mei is so girlboss pussy cunt slay shes the only reason theyre still alive because she keeps them safe from their silly boy shennanigans shes their ultimate wingman shes so badass shes their lesbian best friend i totally paid attention to her when i watched this show LOL" and even ignoring the obvious misogyny here (ie. how people reduce her to being the male characters babysitter) its like... okay... i know mei is cool & badass already... could you name literally ANY other character trait she has. like people just value her as being "the braincell" who can get red son and mk together or something stupid and its like are we having fun still is this still fun. literally every day i go into the mei tag its like "look at mei shes red sons wifey and shes vaguely in the background of this drawing of red son and mk staring into each others eyes #trafficlighttrio am i right oh look shes macaques niece now this post is about ao lie why is it in the mei tag"
and thats literally JUST talking about mei and it doesnt even begin to cover the other female characters. chang'e constantly gets reduced to being red sons aunt/mom/big sister despite them like. not having any actual interactions in the show. lady bone demon constantly gets overshadowed by her minion who has like 2 seconds of screen time, or she gets made into a cartoonishly abusive madwoman who people call lady bitch demon. just in general people act like shes a horrible person for like. being a villain. liks yeah the trying to destroy everything was bad but also she was an antagonist and thats what antagonists do LOL. spider queen gets completely ignored. princess iron fan gets made into a cartoonishly abusive mother so that way red son can have a poor angsty backstory and some male character (usually nezha, macaque, swk) can take care of him.
(also theres just a great deal of ethnocentrism in the lmk fanbase? like im white so take what İ say here with a grain of salt but so many people will misconstrue aspects of chinese culture for their own personal hcs. people will say male characters are transfem or nonbinary while completely ignoring the time period/culture their from where thats the norm. like yippee youve implied that an east asian man is feminine/emasculine because he has long hair. how do you not see the negative connotations with this. people also turn pif (& lbd to an extent) into a dragon lady which obviously has negative racial connotations lol.)
anyway this is where my unhinged rambling ends have a good day have a good night İ had more to say here but İ reached the text limit. İ dont see a lot of people talk about the misogyny thats prevalent in the lmk fanbase so İm glad youre pointing it out lol.
Yeah, I totally hear you. The lmk fandom has plenty of issues with misogyny and, like you said, ethnocentrism. It's definitely something worth having a discussion about, along with these issues in fandom as a whole.
#you seriously hit the nail on the head anon#(feel free to rant more! I appreciated reading yer thoughts)#tbh I think it's the purity culture like#If LBD and SQ were men. They'd be so popular it's not even funny#But because they're women. And women can't be flawed#(or their flaws are harder to justify- unlike a male character like Wukong. So they're a ''bitch'')#But don't worry! There's one girl character we can girlbossify and ignore all of those pesky flaws and characteristics!!!#I'm so sorry Mei#You're not a support character for spicynoodles to me#you're literally so insane about MK it's not even funny#she's going to become my fav character out of spite on god#when she was like ''what's the point of having power if you won't use it?''#and azure was like ''i did not sacrifice everything to be an idle deity''#And 1x03 was about her using her family sword (her power) to protect her house#And Azure used his sword (his power) to protect the world#And when Mei modeled her sword after Azure's (and now he's dead)#and when- *gets shot*#also Mei doesn't even have the fucking braincell#None of them have the braincell#They're all dummies. They're all scrambling around doing their god damn best#A main theme is the fact that no one knows what they're doing. Like#idk#lmk#lego monkie kid#torment nexus#asks#anon#lmk Mei
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so sorry another oc post
greetings miki andou from a hit ocgram project called linagram. your main motivation as a character is to save your younger sibling from The Horrors and you do not care about what happens to you at all. honestly, if there was a way for you to sacrifice yourself for marito/asahi you most likely would. even though you really do have good intentions, your actions almost always have the worst consequences you can imagine, and even if you forgive people and choose to ignore their flaws, you only end up making them or the lives of other people worse. you're obsessed with saving everyone, guiding them, protecting them, controlling them, you will force other guards to forgive the prisoners you want to be saved if needed and maybe abusing the power you have really is the only way to save people sometimes. at least that's what you believe. prisoners either love you or hate you, some of them see you as their savior, some of them see you as extremely manipulative. you can be called "the goddess of milgram" even, honestly, you probably could become one, if it wasn't for the fact that milgram's real goddess is watching you right now.
now, may i ask you which character from a certain gacha game you kin. to be more specific, that gacha game has a turn-based combat system. to be even more specific, that game has the word "rail" in its title
#yall don't understand i was going through her quotes on linagram wiki and i. needed a moment#“haha that sounds like something [ ] would say- MY FUCKING GOD”#literally almost fell on the floor head in hands. took so much damage from that realization#.. does that mean i should draw miki in his outfit.... probably not...#sometimes i think about how miki wasn't even supposed to exist at first and she was one of the last linagram characters to be added#bc i wanted to “balance things out” with eiji's beta version and i felt like if we had that eiji as the only guard#it'd be too cruel and tasteless. and also i thought the concept of two guards was fun#and how miki was simply based on the concept of the innocent verdict at first#now i literally can't imagine linagram without her. very excited for the ending bc she'll get to go absolutely feral#[ 💚 𝐥𝐢𝐧𝐚 𝐭𝐚𝐥𝐤𝐬 ]#[ 💜 𝐥𝐢𝐧𝐚'𝐬 𝐨𝐜𝐬 ]
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decided to leave my job and i'm gonna fr gonna cryyyyy
#literally can't work with my new boss bc i can't trust her#she went to the head of the department with complaints abt me without ever speaking to me or giving me any indication she was unhappy#and various other reasons im not happy w management and the school in general#HOWEVER#i love the kids sm and im gonna miss them and worry abt them 😭😭😭😭#im literally scared for some of them bc it feels like the other teachers have no empathy for some of my favorite kids#one of them who is so so sweet and when he cries i'm the girst to comfort him bc everyone else thinks he needs to toughen up 😭#also my new boss sucks so so bad and is gonna be such a bad influence on him and all the other kids#and my main co teacher said she's gonna quit if i do so i cant even beg her to look out for my babies and take care of them 😭💔#and it would be unprofessional to mention any concerns to the parents but genuinely some of the kids would be better off elsewhere#like im actually worried about it#i dont want some of the really sweet sensitive kids to lose their sweetness bc they're being treated unkindly#and the worst bullies and spoiled kids are the ones the teachers dote on#so it encourages some of the sweet ones to act out for attention#anyway 💔#i really do need to go tho#and i'm sure i'll love the kids at my new job#but im so sadddd#also its unlikely i can find a well paying job w this age group even tho i love this age group#its basically impossible not to get attached to them at this age and i get to pick them up and hold and cuddle them and stuff#and you cant really do that with the older kids sadly#literally on the verge of tears even seriously thinking abt leaving#things have been p bad for a while due to management but i never seriously considered leaving bc i love the kids so much#but i literally can't see a future here#and my new boss clearly hates me and im worried she's going to try to get me fired#she already made up a bunch of lies about me and its only been three weeks#anyway i only make 15 an hour so hopefully i'll at least get more somewhere else and i know i'll still love the kids#its just really hard#which is why i've stayed this long#i was p unhappy before my new boss even started bc of the way they treated my old boss
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Still haven't messaged my mom back. And I don't think I'm going to.
#you know how they say time makes you look on the past with nostalgia and that's why elderly people think so fondly of past decades? not me#there are moments I look back on with nostalgia sure but the overwhelming feeling of looking back on my childhood is just whatever I do#wherever I go whatever happens that will not be my life again. my memory is long I made a promise to myself I intend to keep I don't forget#support you having your grandkids if their mother is deemed unfit yes. take the older two myself if it comes to it yes. move provinces to#live with you to look after the five of them together where you would be my only adult connection and there's a language barrier and I have#no work history and I'd be between five hours and nine hours away from any other connection I have answer's an absolute fucking no. I've#seen how you are with my sister how you were with my brother. who do you think they call when they've had enough of you? do you not#remember most of the beatings I took was because I was standing between you and my brother? of course not because according to you you#never did beat me but if you think I'm not aware that would turn on me again the second I'm no longer distant and just visiting if you#think you'd find nothing to complain about because you've built up this golden child ideal of me in your head and want to forget how it was#when I was actually in your care you are very very wrong. I remember. I know that inconveniences a lot of people who want to forget#unpleasant things about themselves. me too to be honest I have memories I wish I could erase but I can't especially with regard to my#sister. I defended my brother but not her. not enough. and it's probably why I give so much to her now more than I should because it's#enabling but it is what it is I guess. I won't use my memories against anyone just for the sake of it but I absolutely fucking will#to protect myself or others. you want a redemption arc without admitting to anything? keep being patient and kind towards#your grandchildren even if you end up having to take them and if you can't do it for all five of them then accept that it's better for the#older two to be with me. that's it. those are your options: the older two are with me so you only have to look after the younger three or#you need to buckle down and learn from your past mistakes to look after the five of them and all that is *if it even comes to that* which#as things are it's not in danger of that! it was a regular fucking visit to monitor the situation that's all; they're not getting taken#literally every time she freaks out about something it's a 50/50 chance it's actually something or she's invented a completely#twisted version of events
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i really need to just let it go
#i just don't understand my parents at all#they're not even selfish people#it's just like nothing i could ever need warrants helping me if it's an imposition at all#and it's not just me. i highly doubt they've ever helped out my brother either#and the one time they did help my sister it was for something that arguably benefited them too#and it was just kind of a lucky coincidence for her it didn't really put them out at all#but like what the hell why doesn't my health/quality of life matter to them seemingly at all#i often feel guilty for the way i prioritize my close friends over my family but time and time again theyre the ones who come through for m#idk why im making whiny oversharing posts at 2am but whatever#got a reality check today that i apparently needed#i don't know why i can't get this through my head#as if i wasn't literally dying right under their noses and they didn't care then either#that's literally why i left#but being across the country and only seeing them once a year has a way of making you forget i suppose#im mad at myself for expecting anything tbh like it's 100% on me. I've never done it before and there's no reason to start now#i let myself get carried awsy i guess after my mother expressed some sort of concern for the first time in my entire life
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white man experiences racism for the first time. sad!
#Every time I instinctively select Astarion to lead the party and try to talk to someone and they say I smell like shit and to fuck off#im kinda like. good. put him in his place. this is lae'zel's turf#bg3#aslo when he stands directly in the sunlight he hurts my eyes ALDKJSLGK#Also I have a mod that removes the girls' makeup so that's why my kar and lae look prettier than your games' does#ugh I cowered away from wyll art and sc with horns for so long because i thought it was act iii spoilers#but it turns out it's a good thing that happens five minutes in that usually everyone does because it's good#and I'm the only person on earth who fucked up and lost karlach bc I saved a child from being murdered in cold blood#which started a battle in the grove#so to be in character i had wyll kill karlach because i couldn't recruit her but i found her head in a chest and can't play that save anymo#after starting this second playthrough as astarion and becoming friends with karlach#and how she is so kind and loving and affectionate even though she feels no approval towards astarion#literally the other two are high approval but karlach is stuck firmly at neutral or fair#but she still talks to me like a friend and that makes me cry and i killed her in cold blood before i even knew her and i didn't mean to#sorry i hope i get meds that makes me care about humans as much as i care about characters :(
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Twisted Obsession (The Mad Monkey)
1989
#Miranda Richardson#Jeff Goldblum#Twisted Obsession#The Mad Monkey#1989#my gifs#movies : Drama#mredits#I'm like Kylie Minogue over here#I just can't get this out of my head#Y'All know I had to make a long Version of this one#I've loved Miranda longer than time has had meaning in my life#the way he literally savors her#ooof it's a lot okay#Daniel#Marilyn
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Doctor just told me the most devastating news. No, I'm fine -- I definitely have sleep apnea, and FINALLY, I can do something about it now. That's the good news. The bad news? She wants me to stop staying out late at Karaoke. Specifically, she wants me to have a consistent bedtime between ALL the days of the week, including the weekend. And I work at 7 am on weekdays. I go to bed at 8:00 to 8:30 on weeknights (or at least aim to). She wants me to go to bed at 8:30 or 9:00 on WEEKENDS. Karaoke STARTS at 8 pm.
This is fucking AWFUL for me. Karaoke is what keeps me going through the week. Karaoke is what makes me able to function even when I'm having a bad day. Something horrible happens to me or just in general, and I think, "well, at least I have Karaoke this weekend." And now I can only sing 1-3 songs (IF I follow my doctor's advice, which... we'll see). Like, I'm sure it seems so trivial to anyone else, but Karaoke is my FAVORITE thing to do and when everything else in my life fucking SUCKS it's what I always come back to. Because my friends are busy and tired. Karaoke is at the same time every week. And I get to support a local business when I go to the karaoke bar. The staff and some of the patrons there know me. I'm a regular. Karaoke is one of my main coping mechanisms right now. It's THERE for me. The drinking I can quit and the weight I can lose and a lot of my friends move away because it sucks here. But Karaoke is always there. Where else can I go sing? My apartment isn't big enough to have Karaoke parties anymore. This bar is the only place nearby that does Karaoke on weekends. There is no afternoon Karaoke. There are no other options.
I almost cried in that office. I NEED Karaoke. I don't know how else I'm going to get through the next 4 years. When the rest of my human rights are stripped away and my friends can't have their meds anymore, Karaoke was going to be my solace. I can't get proper medical care if someone rapes me again bevause abortion is illegal with no exceptions in Idaho, and "crossdressing" is going to be a crime, and everyone I know is going to fucking suffer, and so many people are going to die, but at least I could go scream into a microphone at Karaoke. And the whole bar will scream with me if I pick the right songs.
#yeah sex is great but have you ever done karaoke?#i'm so sad#i'm not going to stop going. i know my sleep suffers and the rest of my body suffers. but goddamn if karaoke isn't one bit of joy that i...#...am NOT willing to give up right now. if trump had lost the election then maybe it wouldn't be so gutting. but he did and it is.#also lol apparently when i paid $200 out of pocket for my home sleep test 3 years ago my results showed super clear sleep apnea...#...and i stopped breathing 9-10 times per hour and 63 times total on a very conservative estimate. and i was told that...#...since i only had 'one blip' of sleep apnea that my insurance wouldn't cover treatment and i couldn't get a cpap and i would just have...#...to lose weight. that the rest of my life i'd have terrible sleep and choking rape dreams because i can't get treatment for the...#...sleep apnea that i don't have badly enough to warrant doing anything about it.#my specialist doctor literally put her head in her hands and said she has no idea why i wasn't treated for sleep apnea 3 years ago because..#...i very obviously have it and she doesn't know how this happened other than just 'lack of care'. i'm pissed honestly. but i'll...#...go on THAT rant some other time.#personal#not tagged#rant
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No offence to you ment by this but if your mom wasn't abusive ( or you haven't went through significant trauma) you would not be a system.
SIGHS. I KNOW. AND IT'S NOT OFFENSE FOR YOU TO SAY NWS. And like I've said this to her face- If you didn't abuse me, I wouldn't be a system, and she replied by saying "I don't like you labeling me like that just because of a disorder you have." Ever since my brother moved out, I've had to interact with her more, and I think the gaslighting is really getting to me... Kainé never had issues like this. I don't know why I in particular doubt myself in this area.
#When my brother lived here‚ they would always get into arguments‚ so I guess she'd get her shittiness out that way. But now that it's just#the two of us... I don't know.#She said she loves me. And that she can't be abusive because we went places when I was a kid and I have a roof over my head and she pays for#my medical bills. So I just don't know.#Because like‚ even if I tell myself that she's abusive because I literally ended up as a system‚ then I start thinking well what if I'm#faking all of this and I've just convinced myself and everyone around me and I'm actually delusional.#In any case‚ thank you anon.#⛪️#✉️
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