#i like what ive come up with but in a narrative sense not a personal 'mm ya this is my aesthetic' way

[i-heart-hxh]

hello! i have a question, but i dont quite know how to word it….

i like listening to people’s thoughts on hxh, because sometimes its difficult to collect my own thoughts and hearing others articulate it helps me form my own analysis. usually it clears up confusions on narrative choices, however this thing still confuses me because ive seen lots of meta which sometimes conflict with each other or infos from the show. maybe i missed something?

i dont want to link anybody because i dont want to “call them out” but its a frequent opinion ive come across, so not one person. but what i hear sometimes goes along the lines of: gon vowed to sacrifice everything to defeat pitou -> killua arrives -> despite going through with his jajanken, killua’s presence causes gon to realize he doesnt actually want at all to sacrifice everything and the vow is broken (causing him to lose his nen when he recovers from the physical toll)

i really love this reading. the scene where gon turns to killua right before the screen goes white has always been impactful and seemed important to me for reasons i cant explain. but i’m reluctant to adopt it because the way i understood the nen vow was that it was actually a condition—that gon would only use this power to kill pitou, and then per the “rules” he would lose everything as equivalent exchange when pitou was defeated. and that the reason why his nen was lost was because nanika healed him as he was—which was nen-lost. but the show mentions vows and conditions in conjunction so much sometimes the difference gets muddled in my brain, so i suppose im confused about that as well.

i guess im just asking your thoughts on killua and gon’s love for him potentially being the thing to cause gon’s vow/condition to break. i think its a really sweet idea but im not sure if the mechanics of what exactly gon did to kill pitou support it

sorry for the long ask. please have a nice day!!!!!

Hello! Great question!

So, my way of understanding it is that Gon traded all of his nen potential (meaning all of his nen he had at that time and all of the nen he would have ever had in the future) in order to achieve his adult form and have enough power to kill Pitou. By the time he had achieved that form, he was already doomed to have no nen once he used up the massive but finite amount he had, which was his whole lifetime worth. Like taking out a loan on the full amount of money you'll ever make in your lifetime and then burning it all, but more abstract because it's not money.

It very well may have killed him as well, if not for Killua arriving. Think of the cost to his body to unnaturally achieve that form and use that much nen, which is what Killua recoils at realizing when he sees Gon in that form. I'm sure this is why he ended up as such a withered husk afterwards.

Killua showing up definitely saved him, however, both because he helped him dodge Pitou's Terpsichora and in a more far-reaching emotional sense as well. I think when Killua arrived and called his name that final time, it made Gon realize that he wasn't just giving up his own future--he was giving up his future with Killua as well, and by giving up his life it was going to destroy Killua and leave him alone. Gon had steeled himself to die prior to this, but looking back at Killua's face, his expression entirely changes, softens. As a result, I think Gon holds back a bit with his final Rock and preserves himself just enough to keep his body going. Then Nanika heals Gon's body, but this doesn't undo the nen contract he made--even though his body fully recovers, he did still give up all his nen potential, after all.

(I'm very sorry for posting these pages, know that it breaks my heart to look at them.)

So, the way I see the scene, it's less about the mechanics of it, as that's relatively straightforward. Gon losing his nen was already set when he decided he wanted to give it all up in order to be strong enough to defeat Pitou. It's more about how Killua reaching Gon impacted him emotionally and made him hold back to the degree he could at the very end. Because at that final moment Killua was able to reach him at last--by saying his name, an echo of other scenes in the arc with Meruem and Komugi.

I absolutely think the intent of that scene is that Killua has become Gon's light and saved him--by showing Gon that he wasn't alone, that there was someone else worth living for, that Killua cares about him and doesn't want to lose him. Gon lost sight of that previously amid his trauma and guilt, but in that final moment, he truly sees Killua's horror and pain at what he's doing, and Gon realizes he doesn't want to leave Killua behind forever. Gon manages to barely survive as a result.

[dekarios]

what is your onion of the taash questline if you are comfortable sharing?

ok so ive found out i actually havent finished the ENTIRE questline. just the main part of it, i think ? i finished up to taash's mother dying .

so... i

i rate it poorly. i need like more time.. to digest it . i also.. have a very hard time with this because while i am nonbinary i am just a white british person . i dont have a mixed heritage or culture . i am just white british and not even a cool british like gaelic i am English ...... as plain boring white bread as u can get.

so commentin on the heritage vs culture choice u are given is hard for me beyond that it makes me feel uncomfortable to have to pick for someone. that is not my place. it feels very wrong of me to have this power over someone . when i first was given a choice i said embrace being multicultural. cuz like that feels.. obvious. its beautiful to come from multiple cultures and being pieces of them . thats so cool and awesome to me. and then being forced to pick was so not cool and very not awesome.

in terms of the nonbinary stuff ... the more it got mentioned and brought up the more i disliked it. i don't know how much people will agree with me here so bare with me. it felt very on the nose, unnatural, even the word nonbinary didnt seem like it fit. i feel like they were lazy. i feel like they should have made a new word , maybe even a new concept , to work within the dragon age setting. that maybe was specific to rivaini culture that taash heard from another lord of fortune and it felt right . idk. they could have integrated it better to the world of thedas. i felt.. pandered to . i felt like they were saying hey look, hey. hey thats you right. doesnt this make u feel seen and happy . please ignore the weird racism and focus on this

i could have loved taash i think. but i don't. i barely like taash. i feel like taash is a scapegoat. a mouthpiece. that sometimes taash says and does things that don't feel natural to the character cuz taash isnt talking, bioware is. this gets even worse when you take into account lord of fortune things like selling back cultural artifacts to the people they belong to and bioware going "dw its ethical and ok! trust us!" but they have taash say it and it feels wrong, off and weird. like.. out of character? idk it's strange.

taash is a strange character. i dont think bioware actually respected them as much ... i think they used bioware to push this weird anti qunari narrative and to pander to queer people while being weird and racist and idk. idkdidkdikdksoldfgjzsdlff

i need someone who isnt white and who is smarter than me and better at articulating than me to write a think piece on this. while i am the right person for the nonbinary stuff. theres pieces here i am not the right person for. and i dont wanna speak over anyone. or be the voice for anyone when i shouldnt be. but i will say ...

if i can see how gross this shit comes across , how on earth are the people of colour who are actually effected by this bullshit feeling? they shouldnt be exposed to this bullshit . bioware should do better. hire some diverse writers man . get ur shit checked and looked over by poc before u push it out. ur game shouldnt be hurting minorities . they deserve better than this shit STILL happening . ive got too many friends and mutuals pained over taashs story and angry about it. that aint right. it just aint right man

and yeah like i said i havent 100% finished it, it seems, but i dont see the majority of this changing or any of it . i am uhh "burnt" as it were, i do not think bioware can fix this feeling inside of me

this got rambly i hope it makes sense

[catastrophicdisasters]

alright i need to ramble abt TUA s4 somewhere that isn't at someone who doesn't care lmao

putting it under a see more bc a lot of it is based on stuff that's been said in the recent cast interviews and could definitely be considered spoilers

tl;dr: a theory post about who, if anyone, i think is going to die this season (and why, ranked by how narratively coherent i think their death would be, and how it would - or wouldn't - round off their character arc)

emphasis on the "i think", as obviously this is my opinion on what i think would make a satisfying narrative

so, in one of the interviews from today, Robert is asked how he feels about the "kind of sacrifice" at the end of the story, and his response is "yeah there's a kind of death that happens" and to then wax philosophical about physical death vs the kind of death that happens when the memory or the person is gone, and how there's a "kind of passing that happens"

and like, most people are convinced that someone's going to die by the end of the season, myself included, but i've just had another idea Robert really talked AROUND the word death, saying "a kind of death" and "a passing", and with him talking about that 'do you die when you physically die or when nobody alive can remember you' style thing, I'm thinking that maybe someone gets themselves erased from the timelines

so they still EXIST, as theyre not physically dead, but because nobody can remember them, it's still a kind of death (exactly like Robert said)

whether or not that person retains their memories is kind of irrelevant, though them keeping them does make for a more tragically satisfying arc - they gave up their existence to keep their family safe/save the world, and yet none of them will ever look at them with recognition or love again, and will never truly know just what they did for them. i think that could be done really well, as there's a special kind of beauty in a character who is happy to accept their own end in order to protect those they love (also, if i wanted to get super analytical of that, i could draw parallels between that idea and the trailer's choice of song - The End; the opening song of The Black Parade album, the funeral song that kicks off the narrative album with themes such as the life that comes after death-)

~

now, with that said, i want to go off about who my top choices for death/erasure actually are:

well, first i want to say who i don't think it's going to be, and that's Diego and Lila. and that is because they've set up this little family arc for them via Lila's pregnancy, and right from ep1 it was established that Diego was the most attached to Grace - his mother figure - highlighting the importance of the parental figure in his life. both of them have a strong sense of detachment and independence / not needing anyone else, while actually longing to be part of something, to have a family unit. so with the two of them now being married and having a child together, especially given what Ritu said in an article - that "they are not really communicating and are snapping at each other" - it sets up the perfect arc for them to find their place, together, and forging the family dynamic they both so clearly want.

I could talk more about them (i.e, Diego having multiple instances that make reference to his desire to prove himself to his father, vs Lila collapsing post s2 because she just wanted to know if The Handler - if her mother - ever really loved her), but that's not the point of this post

so working backwards from who i think is least likely (and why, obviously):

Viktor:

- originally i had a big question mark over Viktor, bc ive always kind of struggled to pick up the threads of his arc, but even then i still don't think that death/sacrifice would be narratively satisfying for him? is it possible that he sacrifices himself to save his family? i mean… i guess? he's always been more passive and less confrontational than the others, so even if the opportunity presented itself i feel like someone else would probably beat him to the punch

- BUT, that's still not actually the reason i think it won't be him - it's because i think a more satisfying ending for him would be for him to have everything he was denied in childhood. with him coming out, they've set themselves up really nicely to push an ending for Viktor that has him finding himself, understanding himself, and finally being happy with himself. whether he ends up keeping and accepting his powers or not makes no odds as long as HE makes that choice for himself! let him be surrounded by family/people who love him for who he is, let him choose to live for himself and be happy!

Allison:

- i have a similar problem with Allison that i have with Viktor, in that i don't really know where her arc is going, at least as far as the Hargreeves are concerned. Allison's been pretty clear that her priority is her daughter, getting back to her daughter, protecting her daughter. and now she has her back. and she even has Ray back!

- i've never reeeeally been a fan of redemption through death (though there are exceptions), so the thought of her being the one to die/sacrifice herself to save the rest of the Hargreeves just… doesn't sit right with me. particularly because i'm also fairly sure i read somewhere that Emmy said that Allison is kind of "done" with the Umbrella Academy family stuff, and that she's all about being a mother again, which brings me to my next point;

- Allison dying would actually have more of an emotional impact on Claire and Ray than it would to any of the Umbrellas. and, as nice as Ray is and I'm sure Claire will be, they are not the major characters in this show. they are not the ones we have spent three seasons connecting and sympathizing with. would her death still have impact? of course! but i think that there's too much to resolve (such as the events of s3, the fact that she already feels done with them all) to make her death be tragic and satisfying, and to still wrap up everyone else's arcs and the story as a whole

- her finding a way to accept and love her Umbrella family instead of constantly trying to distance herself from them, and learning to balance the family of herself, Ray, and Claire, with her family within the Umbrellas feels like it would be more satisfying for her than sacrificing herself to save the Umbrellas / the world

- could she still end up sacrificing herself to save Ray/Claire, and that in turn leads to someone else dying? yes, absolutely! or something happens to Claire and she no longers cares about living because she can't lose her daughter again? also yes, but that feels a bit... too dark, even for tua

Klaus:

- i feel a little controversial, putting him so far down the list (he's still placed fourth out of eight, though), but the thing is - with his powers back, he is functionally immortal. at that point, the only way he's dying is if he chooses to die. which could still lead to a satisfying end!! the boy who was scared of the ghosts he saw, who became scared of dying, becoming the man who chooses to die? very tasty potential, there. contrasts very nicely with the fact that he kept bringing himself back to life without even realising

- buuuut, that would conflict with what we've heard so far about Klaus's storyline this season; Klaus becoming a scared-of-everything germaphobe, having to learn "how not to be scared of life", falling back into addiction, and learning new aspects of his powers. i don't really see how all of that would lean into a storyline of him accepting death, ya know? it's a lot to do, with not a lot of time to do it well

- i will say, though, that i do love the idea of him somehow finding Dave in the afterlife, and that being part of helping him to accept death - that he can be reunited with the love of his life (this falls apart, however, when you realise that Dave's actor isn't currently credited for any episodes on imdb. still doesn't mean that he won't be, but... makes it less likely)

Luther:

- i genuinely debated with myself about who gets third slot between Luther and Five, but ultimately decided on Luther (which i'll further explain during Five's section)

- Luther literally has no purpose outside of the Umbrella Academy. in s1, he was defined by his being the only 'true' remaining member of the Academy, and having been sent to the moon for a seemingly pointless mission (and even though we now know that he was sent there to protect Abigail - she's alive now, so that doesn't really need revisting). s2 also had him at a loose end - he was fighting simply because that's all he thought he was good at, he tried to give his relationship with Allison another go once he realised she was alive, only for it to turn out that she's married, and then he was a (frankly, terrible) spotter for Five during the paradox psychosis fiasco. s3 literally had him get kidnapped by the Sparrows without anyone really noticing, and although he did eventual fall in love and gett married to Sloane, she vanished with the resetting of the universe. Sloane, incidentally, also doesn't have her actor listed on imdb as returning for s4

- he doesn't really have a multi-season arc to finish off; in fact, the only consistent facet of his personality is his desire to protect his family and 'do the right thing', whatever that might be

- i feel like for him, a good arc to send him on would be him becoming comfortable in his gorilla-body and maturing into the confident leader that would be expected of a "Number One". but, given the way his character has evolved (or devolved) through the series so far, i don't really see them doing that

- in fact, i think it's much more likely that they kill him simply because they don't know what else to do with him. which, ya know, kind of sucks

- HOWEVER, i do think there is good potential in having the first major leader-like decision that Luther makes - free from the influence of others - being to sacrifice himself to save his family. the one time he stands up and says "no, i've made my decision, and it's time for you all to respect that" while also tying it back to his overwhelming desire to love and protect his family? oh yeah, that'd be some good shit right there

Five:

- my god please just let the old man rest

- so, i think Five is less likely to flat out die than Luther is, but i do think some kind of timeline fuckery is much more likely where Five is concerned

- considering what Adian has already said about Five's arc this season

- "He doesn’t know what his place is in the universe. When he goes on this emotional arc with Lila, for the first time, he feels there is a reason for living." - i honestly think killing him would be an incredibly shitty thing to do. having him finally, finally, find his place in the universe, after getting stuck in the apocalypse at THIRTEEN, where he finds his entire family dead, proceeds to then spend 40 years alone, trying to get back to his family, before being picked up by the Temps, turned into a killer, finally getting back to his family, only to end up stuck back in his teenage body AND having to deal with three weeks of constant apocalypses, to then kill him???? jesus christ that would SUCK. like, i'm aware i have bias because Five is one of my favourites and i think his arc has some insane narrative potential, but i cannot be the only one thinking that if they kill him after all of that it's just going to leave a bitter taste?

- THAT SAID!! that said, i do think that it's likely that he would be the one that ends up getting erased from various timelines in order to save his family

- his whole thing has been about getting back to his family to save them from the apocalypse - to have him find his ultimate purpose being to do exactly that? it makes sense!

- in erasing himself from this timeline in order to save it, his purpose also then becomes founding the Temps Commission, with the intention of preserving the new main timeline that he literally 'died' to create and protect (and considering that they technically exist outside of the timeline, who is to say this isn't all part of Commission Founder Five's master plan anyway? hell, given that the Commission resides in the year 1955, he can go play guitar with Marty McFly and bitch about the perils of time travel while he's there)

- it would also solve the awkward elephant in the room; the fact that as of s4 he looks 18 but is actually in his 60s. he can erase himself from the main timeline, putting himself back into his old man body, and retire in peace knowing he's successfully saved his family and given them a future by also saving the world

- it's so deliciously tragic

Ben:

- oh god okay here we go

- i adore Ben and don't really want him to die, but i'd be lying if i said that his death wouldn't be incredibly satisfying, in the way only a true tragedy can be

- we all know this season is going to be focused on him and how he is going to be the one to cause the apocalypse this time, so it ending with him would make sense

- Blackman (the showrunner) has also said that he "wanted to come full circle with the family relationship". what is the FIRST thing we know about Ben? he's dead

- for the first two seasons, he haunts the narrative in a literal sense by being a ghost that only Klaus can see and so still sort of interacting with things, but considering we don't yet know what the Jennifer Incident is and how it actually affected the Umbrellas moving forwards, it could turn out that he has also been actually haunting the narrative - he's dead but so much has been driven by the nature of his death

- i also just really love the idea that the first thing we learn about Ben is that he's dead, and that also ends up being the last thing we learn about him

- taking it a step further, given that the Ben in the recap was definitely Sparrow Ben, it would be disgustingly, delightfully tragic for the final fate of Sparrow Ben to be the same as that of Umbrella Ben - that nothing any of them did actually mattered, because in the end, Ben was always going to die (can you tell i like a good tragedy)

- also, going far too deep into it (to the point that this isn't so much evidence that Ben is the most likely to die, but just a nice little tie in), parts of Ben's arc very much tie into the narrative of The Black Parade. you know, the MCR album that the song they used in the official trailer came from. The Black Parade, as an album, opens with a funeral song (just like the show opened with a funeral) and then continues to go over The Patient's life after death, the experiences from the afterlife, and even reflecting back on his life. quite fitting for Ben, in a way

- ANYWAY! Sparrow Ben also spent a good chunk of his time in s3 desperately wanting to be part of the Umbrellas, but having no idea how to go about it. the thought of him sharing the fate of Umbrella Ben and therefore becoming just like him, becoming Umbrella Ben? poetic

- there is also my sort-of half-theory, that the reason Ben is being overloaded with the Marigold is that he's actually somehow channeling both versions of Ben, so has twice the amount he should have, thereby destabilising him in some way, and one of the Bens needs to die. but, that doesn't really tie into Jennifer in any way, because that wouldn't have happened in the original/main timeline

- Ben is also the only character to have actually existed as multiple versions of himself in the two timelines - again, it is a perfect tragedy for him to die in both of them. maybe this time they save him from the Jennifer Incident, only for him to choose to sacrifice himself to save them all. ergo, it didn't matter, it didn't matter, he was always going to die

- i really like a well executed tragedy, okay? i also feel like it's one of the few satisfying ways to successfully kill off a character. still hurts like a bitch, but at least it was worth something

~

okay well, this got sufficiently away from me! kudos to you if you read the whole way through, and i do not blame you in the slightest if you skipped through lmao i also probably missed a few things, and maybe got a few things wrong so uh, whoops on that

tl;dr: probably won't die: Diego, Lila unlikely to die, but possible: Allison, Viktor wouldn't surprise me if they died: Klaus, Luther probably won't die, but might end up erased from the main timeline: Five most likely to die (and would be beautifully tragic): Ben

again again - purely my opinion!! and also what i'd like to see, based on what i personally feel can make a good narrative!

good luck for the 8th brellies <3

[dragonitepaw]

Hi! I love your super paper Mario AU, could you tell us more about it?

Waaaah Im glad you like it 🥹 i havent got too much on it as of right now but I have plans to develop it more once ive finished my uni project !!

as right now though here are some of the details/character roles:

Mario - Kirby Luigi - Bandee Bowser - Dedede Peach - either Tiff/Fumu (from the anime) or potentially Adeleine I haven't decided on that yet, originally i went straight for Fumu but i got a comment saying Adeleine would be a great fit too !! it all depends on whether i wanna include anime characters or not

Count Bleck - Meta Knight Tippi/Timpani - Galacta Knight (its their love story bc metagala forever 🫶) Nastasia - Sailor Dee O'chunks - Mace Knight Mimi - Javelin (the other meta-knights would be present too but have less of a role in the story as those 3)

Dimentio - Marx ^^^ originally i was gonna have vul as dimentio as i wanted all of count bleck's minions to be the meta-knights, but it also makes sense for the one non meta-knight character to be the one to betray them and marx just fits perfectly thematically >:)

as a little extra Merlon would be Morpho Knight which is my explanation for why Galacta Knight appears as a pixl butterfly, Morpho having the butterfly motif is my justification for the sense around galacta being their own butterfly that isnt just the morpho butterfly :)

okay now with characters done with,, the general narrative is the same destroying the world after galacta/tippi is "gone" but more fit around the ancients and heroes of yore lore being the driving point for meta and galacta meeting and forming a bond which then leads to the events of the game:

Meta's family (the tribe of darkness) were responsible for trying to end the world before using the dark prophecy (to make their own world and have the power to govern it) - meta being younger at this time had no say in what happened, Nightmare is the head of the family and the one who attempting to end the world (but thats not too important as nightmare plays no role in the main story anyways its just context).

The heroes of Yore (which includes Galacta as the hero of heart going off of my own personal hcs) were the ones to stop the family and strike some sort of deal that prevented them from using the dark prognosticus, saying if they were to try such a thing again then the heroes would be less merciful and banish the entire tribe away, knowing the heroes were more than powerful enough to live up to their threat the nightmare gave in, and the dark prognosticus was hidden away by the heroes to prevent the dark prophecy from being initiated once again.

Years down the line (much like in the original story) meta ends up getting injured and galacta comes across him, nursing him back to health. Meta didnt know about the heroes of yore and their threat to the family so wasnt aware of who galacta was, vice verca with galacta they werent aware meta was part of the tribe of darkness at the time. the two bond and eventually fall in love <3

Eventually nightmare finds out about and becomes enraged about his son and the enemy in such a relationship. He scolds meta and tells him not to go near Galacta again as the heroes 'ruined everything for them' and 'befriending them will only ever bring trouble to their family' in attempt to protect his son from them. however, meta doesn't listen as he's head over heels in love with Galacta at this point. In retaliation, Nightmare uses all of his magic to produce a strong spell to seal Galacta away in a crystal, in a far off dimension so Galacta and meta cannot meet again, as a way of protecting Meta and stopping any trouble from coming to their family.

Like in the original, Meta becomes devastated but enraged by the loss of Galacta, thinking they're dead and not seeing worth in a world without them. finding minions through the meta-knights and tracking down the dark prognosticus, Meta decides to bring about the dark prophecy and spawn the void, starting the beginning of the end.

Morpho comes across the crystal with galacta sealed within it. The amount of power needed to unseal them is a lot, and so Morpho not being powerful enough by themself, inwardly uses galactas life force alongside their own magical ability to unseal them, though this results in galacta becoming very weak and in order to save them, Morpho turns them into a pixl, and like tippi in the original story galacta loses all memory of who they were before being a pixl.

--

thats the main stuff i have for now which when looking over it,, is quite a bit 😅 there are still some aspects i need to adjust/change, the main one being the formation of the chaos heart bc if i have tiff/adeleine in peach's role i am not having them get forcefully married to king dedede 💀 for obvious reasons

^^ my initial thoughts are just having the chaos heart form from meta's pain and emotions, we will see i will be developing and thinking about it more once i have the free time :)

Thank you for the ask and I hope this was interesting to read :00

[officialgleamstar]

okay, here's a long post talking about my thoughts on dungeons and daddies, s2ep45, hell or high father. obvious spoiler warning, im gonna be talking about the events of the episode, but this is going to be more outside the fourth wall focused/thinking about what the pacing says about the narrative, rather than actually talking about what happened in this episode!! also ive only listened to the episode once so if i missed anything, feel free to say so

to start immediately: i loved this episode, but i was also disappointed that ron, terry, and scary didn't get a full episode. but i was thinking about why that would be the case, and that lead me to the two reasons im speculating:

Beth felt that Scary's arc didn't necessitate a big ending and that it came to a clean closing with that scene

This episode shows the narrative divide between the Stampler family and the Close family

the first reason is mostly a timing thing. they included taylor in this episode as well because scary's conclusion didn't need the full run time, or maybe even lincoln's episode was longer than they wanted it to be and scary was supposed to be in that arc as well. the pacing was just a result of the past few episodes: scary has already confronted that she regrets how she treated terry, we've seen that a million times. ever since his death, she's confronted that fact again and again, and i think it makes sense that this episode would resolve that in a much quieter way than it could've. the stamplers have always been the family to resolve things 'the right way' - they show up for each other, they love each other unconditionally, they finish their arcs by holding one another in forgiveness. even if i wouldve loved a longer memory (though holy shit, WE SAW THE BETRAYAL ON SCREEN-- sorry not the point of this post), and i really hope we get some more with them in upcoming episodes, i did like how it was so sweetly resolved!!

and that sweetness leads into the bulk of my thoughts here: scary and taylor shared an episode because of how differently their memories went.

as soon as nicky went "i have a memory you weren't around for", i knew we were in for a fucking ROLLERCOASTER, and holy shit. the entire played out montage of glenn failing to be there for nicky, failing to be there for taylor, and in turn, taylor finally tells nicky to his face that he wasn't there for taylor either. taylor's fixation on the idea of redoing it all with time travel, because there is no other way, in his mind, to solve the rift in their relationship. "there's no fixing this." there's too much baggage, there's too much thats already been fucked up, and theres no way for them to come back from that. nicky is a grown adult. taylor is already in his teen years. they can form a relationship with their dad now, but no matter how well that goes, its never going to fix the childhood behind them that was already ruined. they do love each other, they're friends, but being friends doesnt equal a true good relationship. being friends doesnt mean you succeeded in parenting.

and now we contrast that with the stamplers. both terry junior and scary go into their relationship with their stepdads seeing him as an inferior replacement, as someone who could never truly be their dad. terry junior loved his biological dad, is literally named after him. scary's dad was so absent in her life that she doesnt know how to handle someone actually being there. they both refuse to take the replacement, until eventually, they learn that their stepdad's strength is that hes a new man. not a replacement, but his own full person, a person who loves them. ron put his life on the line for terry, time and time again, because he didnt want to be his own dad. terry showed up to all of scarys soccer matches, even when she refused to even acknowledge him, because he didnt want to be her bio dad. "you showed up." even though terry's memory is literally him using ron, it ends with ron forgiving him without a second thought. when scary apologizes to terry, terry takes her into his arms with a moment's hesitation.

the stamplers have a happy ending because even with how badly they've fucked up, they always showed up for their kids. the closes don't have a happy ending because they weren't in their kids' lives and they think being friends now fixes that. and that's why scary and taylor shared their episode, really. because it drives home the crucial difference between the two families

[timextoxhajima]

Sonder: Part I

Parts: I II III IV V

member: enhypen heeseung! x oc! woo ki yeom [3rd person pov]

genre: coming of age, slice of life, angst, romance

w/c: 5k

warnings: topics on religion, distressed relationships, mental health (I want to leave an a/n here that I grew up with my maternal family being Buddhists so what I've written is based off what I researched online and the way her family practised Buddhism. I'm personally a free-tinker and this narrative is not in any way meant to offend nor support any particular religion.)

synopsis: after being kicked out of her home, Woo Ki Yeom is forced to live life on her own. struggling to find herself in the midst of her chaotic life, she meets lee heeseung, who, like her, can't give any more fucks to life than she does.

"n. the realization that each random passerby is living a life as vivid and complex as your own."

That word. That keeps coming out on Instagram pages and TikTok videos.

It's a strange feeling to know that everybody else in here was living their own lives. Maybe they were going through a breakup, or someone in their family had just passed away. Perhaps their pet ran from home or a trip just got cancelled because their travel buddy fell sick.

It's fascinating at first - but you get bored by it after some time. And even if you didn't, Woo Ki Yeom did.

It's not like it was difficult to figure out how to vacuum your room or do your own hair. Nor was it difficult to figure out how this washing machine operated, though Ki Yeom must admit that it took her a couple of minutes to get it down. But now, all she does is give it a good smack to the side when it doesn't start up.

"wo gen ni jiang (I'm telling you), one day you're going to smack it until it's spoilt!" The owner of the laundromat nags from the payment counter. He's a man in his 50s - Ki Yeom likes to think Mr Hsien is an alternate-dimension version of Eve from the film, Everything, Everywhere, All At Once. He clearly hates this life, and the only time Ki Yeom has seen his wife was when he was sick and couldn't run the place himself.

Mrs Hsien is just about ten times sweeter than he is - which Ki Yeom recalls - she didn't respond that well to.

She must think Ki Yeom is an asshole.

Then again, Ki Yeom knows for a fact that she is one.

"Then you'll finally come around to your senses and get it changed. I just found a coin from the 1930s the other day in my load."

"Do you know change washing machine how expensive?" Mr Hsien rambles on, looking through his glasses that were so far down his nose bridge, Ki Yeom thinks it might just slide right off. In his hands were dollar bills. "shi yi ge yue de qian (It's a month's worth of money)! From everybody that comes here."

She doesn't bother responding - no need to, unless she wants to start a debate.

"All day gloomy," Mr Hsien mumbles under his breath. She dumps herself in the row of chairs right out the door as he aligns the dollar bills and goes to unlock the door. "My wife say gloomy not good. tai duo yin (too much yin)."

His voice is slightly muffled, since his entire body is hidden behind the counter as he hides his money. After a few moments, his hand comes to grip the edge of the counter as he pulls himself up to stand, then he takes a deep breath and sighs as if it took him a bountiful amount of energy to get up. But he looks outwards at Ki Yeom and wiggles a finger at her.

"Are you listening to me?" He shakes his head, processing Ki Yeom just looking down at her phone.

Yes.

"You know, Chinese people always think young people who don't respond are very rude. If you were my daughter, wo yi jing hui ma si ni ah (I would've already scolded you to death)."

He grumbles as he pushes himself out the little door by his counter and waddles for the storage door.

"You shout for me if anything weird happen outside. I'm going to da bian (poop)."

Ki Yeom connects the bluetooth headphones to her phone and adjusts it over her head as the door swings shut.

It was a quiet Wednesday night.

Ki Yeom liked to do her laundry in the middle of the week because there aren't many people around, and she didn't have to wait for strangers to come clear the washing machines before she could use them. She didn't have to talk to strangers - which came as a surprise to her when she first moved here. She never understood why people would just randomly strike up conversations.

What was the point of knowing so much about someone's life when you're probably never going to see this person again?

But it's ironic that Ki Yeom has found comfort in a familiar place, enough to fall asleep. Even if Mr Hsien were to walk right out that storage door and finds her nodding off in her awkward sitting upright position, she knew he wouldn't wake her up. She knows, because it's not the first time she's passed out from a day's work.

Sometimes, Ki Yeom gets her inspiration from her dreams. One would be surprised how much she dreamt - because that meant that she could wake up feeling like she never slept. At some point, Ki Yeom was convinced that she was part of a cult by blood, because strange symbols, shapes, and creatures kept appearing in her dreams. She would draw them out and then go to the library to find anything on them, but to no avail.

Sometimes she blames this on her family.

But this 'gift' does her well at work, especially when the clientele of the tattoo parlour she works at are avid fans of the rare and uncommon.

Because of the number of clients who have grown fond of her artistry, she's been requested more than the average tattoo artist at the parlour she works at. Ki Yeom had been advised not to bite off more than she can chew, but it's not like she has any financial help or alot of money in the first place, so why not?

At least, not after she was kicked out of her own home.

In her busiest week, she spent four nights sleeping in the parlour, and had licorice and coffee for breakfast, a chicken salad for lunch and instant noodles for dinner on one of those days. And that wasn't even the worst meal combination she's had.

Some of her colleagues are kind - the ones who leave her blankets and buy her coffee and bread in the morning when they clock in. Others? Not so much.

"Too young." "Inexperienced." "Greedy." "Hard-up."

She's heard those too many times to feel a thing. It's also because she knows they're true. But it's not her fault she's greedy.

What's wrong with it?

Greed usually comes hand-in-hand with desperation, even if it weren't for a good cause. Greed comes with knowing how it feels when you lack something. Ki Yeom's greed stems from her lack of money, and is that her fault?

No.

She finally jerks awake from her evening nap when a loud thud manages to get past her headphones. Blurry vision still taking some time to clear, she's able to make out Mr Hsien frantically grabbing a rag and cleaning off the counter top. Tea was dripping off the edge.

Just by the movement of his mouth, she can tell he's rambling off about being such a clumsy old man.

She sits up and stretches her neck, feeling the ache when she pulls it the opposite way she was dosing off in. A slight frown, and then in the corner of her eye, she notices someone had taken a seat on the other end of the five-seater row of seats.

It was someone probably her age, maybe younger. But she returns her attention to Mr Hsien finishing the rest of his tea and walking round the counter, grabbing some dry tissues to clean up the remaining on the floor.

Then she catches the stranger glancing in her direction, as if wanting to say something - and then she realises that her music isn't playing. 

She fumbles her lap for her phone, then finds it on the floor right under the seat. The stranger seems to sit with ease now that she's picked it up. She almost finds it embarrassing when she tries to reconnect her bluetooth, but is interrupted by the washing machine she was using finally beeping to indicate that it was done. 

Ki Yeom clears her throat and gets up to the washing machine, yanking the worn-out door open. Gathering the damp clothes in her arms she tosses it into a dryer. She instinctively feels around her pockets to find the token she had paid in exchange for it, but her mood is slightly ruined when she can't find it. 

Mr Hsien is no longer in the counter, so she assumes he had gone to the back, berating himself for being clumsy, so she looks around the floor. Perhaps she might find a stray one sitting somewhere. 

She returns to the dryer, defeated. No, actually, she's too tired to be annoyed. Sliding the headphones off her head, Ki Yeom sighs to herself and rolls her eyes. 

But a soft 'tick' rings quickly across the surface of the dryer, and she looks up to see the stranger turning his back on her. The token sits on the white-turned-grey surface of the dryer next to the one she was throwing her mental tantrum at. 

Ki Yeom builds up the care to speak.

"It's fine but I'll just wait for him to come back out." 

He sits anyway, leaning back coyly and looking at her with a lack of expression. "I'm trying to collect karma points, so don't take it personally. Maybe another day if we see each other."

As if I'm going to see you another day. 

But Ki Yeom is not someone who rejects something when she needs it. 

"Thanks," The word is almost reluctant to come out. Without hesitation, she chucks it into the coin slit of the dryer and it tumbles down into a bed of tokens. She hunches over the dryer and jabs the buttons - sometimes they don't work very well either.

Ki Yeom hadn't always been like this. In fact, she was one of those kids who could plug in her earpieces over dinner and watch her favourite shows and her parents wouldn't say anything about it, because she knew to take them out when the food came.

Sometimes, her parents would join in on the fun of watching whatever show it was she was watching.

But what truly set her family apart from the average family was that her parents were devoted Buddhists. Karma, Liberation, Meditation... Honestly, Ki Yeom never understood what it truly meant until she hit her teenage years, and even then, her understanding of it didn't last very long.

It was a unique, and an admittable forceful, way of which Ki Yeom fell out with her family. As individuals who believed so much in karma, they had the tradition of donating large sums of money to the temple they frequented. They went vegetarian, prayed, kept a kind heart to whomever it was they met - and then her father was left jobless when the company he was working for got involved in an embezzling scandal.

Ki Yeom, at the age of sixteen, had witnessed her father go from the proud family man he was, to someone who stayed in bed all day, afraid to go out, in fear that he would have to open his empty wallet.

The anxiety became crippling and her father had developed depression upon the rippling news that he couldn't be accepted into other jobs because of his niche and limited experience and that he was too old.

At sixteen, when you've spent most of your life trying to understand and believe the ways of which your family has led their lives by, you'd be confused. Why was this happening? Have we not done enough?

What was once a home filled with laughter, comfort and encouragement, turned into a home that scrimped and saved every penny - even spending some nights without any electricity and relying purely on candles.

There was a gradual build-up of resentment on Ki Yeom's heart.

She had gone three years living off the meagre five dollars a day - and when you're in school with friends who find going to Starbucks and getting bubble tea an enjoyable past time, it's difficult. Even if they were understanding and chose not to go to either of those options, it was inevitable that Ki Yeom felt like it was her fault they couldn't go.

Just where in the world did all that money go? All the good karma points they were trying to accumulate? What happened to my God?

Ki Yeom had just graduated from pre-u. She wonders how she even managed to graduate, in the midst of all that falling apart at home, when it happened.

She had reached home after a day's work at the restaurant. As a waitress, she's grown numb to all the ridiculous comments and issues that customers bring up to her, if she were even paying attention.

So, all Ki Yeom wished was for a quiet dinner, a quiet evening and a quiet night to herself. She could crawl in bed and hug her pillows and scroll on her phone until she passed out, and then her day would start from scratch again.

But upon reaching home, she's not given enough time to respond - Especially when the things in her room seemed to be in the midst of removal. By strangers.

"What's going on?"

Her mother follows them out of the room as the movers trudge past her - and out of the house. "Ki, I'm sorry, we'll have to make do-"

"With... what? The floor?"

"You know how hard it's been, we just had to do this for the extra cash."

"How long is this 'cash' going to last us?" Ki Yeom puts her tote down, pushing past her mother and looking into the room. What used to be a cozy room with a bed, a desk, a standing lamp and even a beanbag was now a mattress, a makeshift table and a table lamp.

Ki Yeom turns around, at a complete loss of words. "You literally sold my room."

The elder stands, facing the door because she cannot face her daughter.

Ki Yeom gulps, feeling this intense heat coming up from within her. It feels like she's about to cry, but also wants to vomit and scream at the same time. "How much is selling my room going to make?"

"Ki-"

"How. Much?"

A pause. There's some knocking and rustling outside as they wrap the furniture in bubble wrap. Someone yells at someone else to hand her the money.

"Enough for a couple of weeks."

Ki Yeom sighs heavily, not knowing she was even holding her breath. Then, she coughs and almost hyperventilates. A scoff. Then, a strangled growl, like she was about to throw herself out the window, and the tears start to clog her eyesight.

She watches as her mother receives the thin stack of fifty dollar bills, and the man doesn't give them one last look before leaving.

There's a painful silence in the house when Ki Yeom squats. And when her feet become numb, she drops to the floor with her back hitting the wall.

"I'm sorry, Ki," Her mother turns and sniffles, shoving the fifty dollar bills into her backpocket. She squats, trying to look at Ki Yeom. But her daughter's head is hung low, for she has taken her final sanctuary.

"I don't understand... how this was an option. I'm working. And aren't you and dad trying to find jobs? Aren't you working?"

"I know... and we are... we just... we have nothing."

"What about grandpa? Hasn't he offered to help? At this stage... you want me to believe he hasn't offered any type of help?"

Her mother goes quiet, only taking a deep breath and sitting on her rear as well.

"What? What does that mean?" Ki Yeom frowns, tears finally dribbling down her cheeks as she struggles to understand. "Is he so heartless... that he cannot give us some to get by until something... better comes along?"

"Ki, we've been like this for years..."

"Which makes me wonder why he hasn't helped?"

Silence.

Ki Yeom frowns. "Does he even know?"

Her mother looks up at her through disheveled hair.

"How could he not know?"

"Ki, he knows. We just... you know the rules we live by."

Ki Yeom audibly gasps and chokes in horror. Her stomach drops in disbelief. "Rules? We are sleeping on the floor, our lights are candles and the table lamps are on the floor... we eat instant food two out of three meals and you're telling me... that out of filial piety... you did not accept his help?!"

Silence.

There's an eerie quietness in the home. Of course, atop the screaming in Ki Yeom's head and the traffic outside her home. Her vision is blurring from the tears, but she looks around her dark home, once brightly lit, and her vision ends on the orange-red glow eminating from the altar right next to the front door of her house. It's wide open, so the wind coming through was making the little flames on the candles flicker.

It's been untouched, only routinely cleaned and the oils thrown and replaced. Ki Yeom clenches her jaw, trying for a moment to resist the urge.

But to everyone's devastating shock and surprice, Ki Yeom harshly swipes her entire arm across the reachable counter top, spilling the cups of oil holding the candles and the incense sticks out of their packets.

Her mother quite literally screams and rushes over, yanking her away from the mess.

Smack!

The ringing is sharp in Ki Yeom's right ear as she processses the sting on her cheek, jaw and head. In the corner of her eye, she can see her mother is more surprised than she was. But this surprise is quickly replaced with anger and intense disapproval, so much to the point that her mother pushes past her and squats to pick up the items.

Ki Yeom's heart shatters.

She gulps, thinking if she should help. But her mother shoves her off, as if scared to be touched by her.

"Mom."

The clatter on the floor is gentle and quiet, and her mother is careful not to touch any of the shattered glass. Ki Yeom grimly squats by her and reaches for it, but rejection shoves her backwards on her rear when her mother pushes her away. She loses her balance and falls backwards, hands on the floor and her tears dribbling down her cheek.

Her mother's face is like rock - expressionless, tired. Helpless. Speechless.

Ki Yeom's face was starting to burn up.

"Mom-"

"Get out," She stops her cleaning and stares at the floor.

Honk.

"What?"

"You want so badly to do things your own way... and cannot agree with what we believe in... so pack your things and get out."

She resumes her cleaning up, taking the smaller, shattered pieces and placing them on the altar. While Ki Yeom remains on the floor, her mother squats, picks up whatever her hands can carry, and returns them to the altar. Again, and again.

"Mom, I- Please. How can you live like this?!"

The weight in Ki Yeom's knees start to shake her thighs when she kneels, dragging herself to her mother's feet. She hangs her head low, vision blurry and her head in a whirl. "We prayed to a God for years... my entire life... and we believed in everything we studied... Why were we not returned with the karma we always thought we've been collecting? Why did we pray and pray and yet nothing came along to help?"

Ki Yeom looks up, hair in her mouth and in her eyes as she manages to make out her mother placing the shattered cups back into position.

"Do not speak of Him that way," She whispers under her breath, opening a drawer and pulling out a lighter for the incense sticks. "He is always watching us... and He will help when the time is right."

Ki Yeom finally breaks apart in her own demeanour, sobbing and releasing her mother's clothes.

How can she choose a God, a deity... over her own daughter?

Her mother bows thrice, and sticks the incense stick in the incense pot. "I didn't sell your luggage. You can use that."

Ki Yeom looks up from the floor again, in disbelief those exact words came out of her mouth.

"I expect you gone by tomorrow morning," She turns and walks away, but stops and turns around for a second. "Nobody in my house will disrespect Him."

Ki Yeom had completely blocked out whatever her client was talking about - something to do with work. Her colleagues. Ki Yeom couldn't give any more fucks.

But she sits up to stretch her neck and back and notices in the reflection in one of the mirrors in her workspace a familiar back and a bald head.

She finishes up quickly, not bothering to acknowledge anything that her client has said. "Jun Yeol, can you help me tape her? I- yeah."

Instantly, the pink-haired boy turns around to look out the window. "Go. I got it from here."

"Chargeable list is on my desk. Thanks."

The bell on the door rings as she pushes her way out. She sucks in a deep breath, thinking of what to say again when their eyes finally meet. But out comes a rude and unnecessary: "What are you doing here? I told you not to look for me here."

For a moment, she feels bad. But her grandfather's retort is a reminder that she inherited her attitude from someone.

"I go wherever I want to!" He struggles to get up from the chair they've placed outside the tattoo shop for when there was a queue.

"Sit down!" Ki Yeom rushes over and pushes him back down by his shoulders, making sure to take a seat next to him so he didn't need to stand up again.

"I figured out how to make your mum's soup. The melon wolfberry one."

Ki Yeom looks down as he hands her the cotton bag that perfectly fits a thermal flask.

"You don't like cooking."

"I don't. It gets everywhere and there's a ton of pots and bowls and spoons to wash."

He shoves it into her lap, and huffs while wiping the sweat off his forehead.

"Let me call you a cab."

"Cabs are expensive, don't you dare."

"I'd rather have someone send you home safe than have you pass out on the way back."

"And if I'm destined to die today, I will pass out anyway, won't I?"

The harshness and brutality of his words summon a glare from her. She wants to berate him for being so careless with his thoughts - afterall, she did grow up around the theory of manifestation of karma. And she knows for a fact her grumpy old grandfather might not have that much good karma left.

"Are you earning enough? For yourself? For your rent?"

She sighs and hugs the thermal flask to her stomach. The doorbell rings and her client walks out, turning to say thanks and goodbye.

"I'm fine. Don't worry about me."

"Is it safe? Where you're staying?"

"We've been through this. There's a security guard on the first floor and you can't go up without a keycard."

"People out there nowadays are terrifying, have you seen? All these gadgets and hidden cameras!"

"I know, I know, but the estate is safe. Don't worry about me," Ki Yeom rubs her eye. Both of them go quiet for a minute. She's listening to the grumble of the asphalt as the cars go by, and she knows her grandfather is thinking about the other questions he had prepared before coming out to meet her. 

"If you're wondering whether they've reached out... they haven't. And I'm not planning on doing it first."

"I didn't ask you to, and I know you wouldn't."

They go silent once more, but the silence is broken by the bell hanging on the front door of the tattoo parlour. 

"Ki, a client called and said she's on the way but she's early for an appointment."

She looks down at her phone for the time. "Yeah, she's supposed come in at 4pm."

"Aight, call me if you need anything," Soo Min smiles at the elderly man, who seems awkward when he tries to return the acknowledgement. The bell rings again when she returns back into the parlour.

"Thanks," Ki Yeom waits for her to go back in before she smiles to herself. "You can just say 'hi'. She's a nice person."

"Her short hair scares me abit. Reminds me of the gangsters and hooligans that run around on the street and in back alleys back in my time," He pauses, realising Ki Yeom's disapproving looks. He clears his throat. "Do the people here treat you well? The last time you told me some of them aren't fond of you."

"Well, it's still the same. It's not like I'm going to try and change their minds about me. I earn my share and they earn theirs."

Grandfather nods and hums in acknowledgement. "You know... sometimes I think you're meant to come out and live your life on your own. I believe you were made for the streets - in a good way - and that you learn and meet so many new people outside of a comfort zone. It's something that the rich and wealthy don't get to have."

There's a gentle gush of wind that rushes through the corridor. The rows of shop along this road were in their not-so-busy afternoon period, but Ki Yeom could still make out that barista who got her order wrong a couple of days ago cleaning up the table along the corridor. And that hair stylist who supposedly cut someone's hair too short and almost got sued.

"Right," She responds first. "But I wasn't given a choice. Would've loved to have one."

Ki Yeom turns back to look at her grandfather. His wrinkles have gotten deeper, longer. She knows he won't be around much longer to be the parent that she lost. Unlocking her phone, she opens the taxi cab.

"Oi!"

Since her 4pm client had come early and Ki Yeom had gotten the job done early, she'd decided that she no longer had the mental capacity to stay anymore - besides, she works on appointment-only basis now anyway.

So amidst all the skanky, judgy looks she gets from the other tattoo artists who don't get as many requests as she does, she bids Jun Yeol and Soo Min goodbye. The evening sun greets her as the evening crowd begins to fill the surrounding cafes, coffee shops and other places that people go to.

She walks by the coffee cafe, and catches the eye of that barista who fucked up her order. She waves.

The barista, of course.

But Ki Yeom feels obligated to at least offer a smile, so she does, and proceeds on her way.

Finally in the comfort of her home, she drops her bag and opens her fridge, eyeing the half-eaten packet of frozen dumplings, miso paste and frozen udon. Ever since she's moved out, she had the freedom to test out whatever stupid recipes TikTok and Instagram had to offer that required three ingredients.

Well, provided she had the equipment - which was a pot, a pan, a mini rice cooker and an air-fryer that the tattoo parlour wanted to get rid of. Honestly, she hasn't used it because she's been afraid it would explode if she did, but it just seemed like a waste if she let them throw it away.

She prepares the miso soup while waiting for the dumplings and udon to defrost first - then the unusual happens.

Knock knock.

Ki Yeom frowns to herself, and mentally checks through all the bills and finances she has to settle. Rent? Not due in another three weeks. Credit card? Haven't touched it. Delivery? Haven't ordered anything.

Knock knock knock.

She turns the stove off and goes for the door, looking through the peephole.

It's the kid from the laundromat.

Perhaps he came to even out the debt.

Ki Yeom opens the door.

"Oh," He seems surprised. "It's you."

"If you're here for the token, I don't have any extra to return. I can pay you a couple of cents or a dollar for it if you're insistent."

"Uh," Gently shaking his head, he simply lifts a hand, and in it, there was an envelope. "This came in my mail. I think they wrote the address wrongly."

She looks at the envelope, and sees her name but with the unit 07-33 instead of hers, 07-38.

"I figured eight just seemed the most similar to three, so. Are you... Woo Ki Yeom?"

"Yeah, thanks," She blinks and reaches out for it.

"Mail's not that common nowadays," He nods towards the envelope. "They don't have your number or email?"

There's an attempt to chuckle, or make a joke. But Ki Yeom doesn't bother responding, only tearing it open and pulling the letter out.

"Yeah, they don't have my number or my email."

The boy clears his throat out of awkwardness. "Oh."

Ki Yeom straightens out the letter right infront of him. As much as she wants to forget that her parents ever existed, she knows she can't. She's been trying - which is why she changed her emails, her phone number, and didn't provide their names to the building's management for "allowed visitors".

Futile efforts - that's what they were. She might be able to change the way she thought but her heart can't forget. Her father used to tell her that the heart always knows what's right, but what he didn't tell her was how to deal with it when she doesn't want to.

Dear Ki,

I'm writing to share that I've gotten a job.

Instantly, she folds the letter back up and shoves it back in the envelope. Her blood boils.

Why did it matter if her father got a job now? It doesn't change what her mother said to her or what happened. It doesn't change-

"Um. You... alright?"

Ki Yeom looks up, remembering that this stranger was still infront of her. Vision blur, she clears her throat and shoves the letter back in his hands.

"It's not mine."

He looks down at the shredded envelope and haphazardly-returned letter. Her eyes are red, so he's not dumb enough to believe it's not hers.

"Are... you sure?"

"Yeah, I'm sure," Ki Yeom closes her eyes and rubs them over her lids. "Sorry, I was just busy making dinner. I have to go."

"Right," He clutches the envelope to his side and nods subtly.

With pursed lips, she looks at him one more time for acknowledgement. He's quiet, and careful, as he takes a step back and turns to leave. Ki Yeom gently swings the door shut, feeling her nose sour all over again.

Sucking in a deep breath, she looks over in her mini kitchen and stares at the slightly-cooled soup sittin on the stove. Then her eyes travel over to where she had dumped her bag, and remembers the thermal flask.

She walks over to it and picks it up, opening it and carefully sipping the warm soup.

PART II

[transhawks]

sorry for the cringe ask pls ignore if you want but with these chapters of the todofam do yuo think it is like "wrong" to not see anything poetic/pretty/anything like that about the family and mostly touya and endeavor situation? ive seen all these texts (not here though) abt how touya loves his father and is a Liar™ while also ignoring most of what he went through and his feelings of anger and bitterness i mean... sure there is/was love behind the hurt but i feel like i read the story wrongly

Okay, let's break down your ask a bit because it's not that I think you read the story wrong, it's that there's a missing component that I see a lot of people miss when it comes to stories like this:

you can love your abuser.

you can love your abuser.

most of us love our abusers.

Now, and I think this is something I believe that uhh I've argued with my friends over - I don't know how much parents who abuse their kids "love" them. It's complicated and a case-by-case basis, but I want to say that often it's love for what they want the child to be, not the child themselves. I've said it a few times over the years: out of the all the Todoroki children, the only child that got Enji as an actual father from the start was Touya. Toddler Shouto is scared of him, Enji seemingly didn't interact much with Natsuo as a baby or toddler, maybe to avoid the issue he had with Touya. And, well, bluntly, Fuyumi was essentially a baby sister for Touya's sake. Add to that the Japanese tradition of male primogeniture, and you get a very, very strong reason for why Touya loves his father and hates him at the same time, especially since this is met with apathy from Enji's end (as Touya thinks). As @pikahlua said recently, the opposite of love isn't hate, it's indifference. The actions and desperations of Todoroki Touya to be seen by the man he loves, no matter if the man in question doesn't deserve this adoration, are signs of a child yearning to be loved by his father, not ignored. Now, let's break down your ask: "Poetic/pretty"

Abuse isn't poetic or pretty. It's abuse. It's messy, and it creates rifts and broken, messy people who don't make sense and move through the world breaking things further. I know that's quite a harsh thing to say about other victims like this, but I'm not going to candy-coat it - victimhood is not virtuous. Being abused and victimized doesn't automatically make you good person or a better person, and you are not a better person for having struggled. In fact, honestly, trying to do good will be that much harder. And this is exactly why cycles of abuse are replicated.

Touya is both a liar and he isn't - because he's abused and that creates irrational feelings about the abuser and what happened. His lies are mostly to himself. That's how you get Touya maniacally making a video decrying all of hero society propping up abusers while trying to murder his younger brother in sheer jealousy that he wasn't abused the way he was.

I'm going to use the same words I use for Hawks: when are you people going to understand people who are fucked in the head are fucked in the head?

To me it makes sense that Touya has conflicting thoughts and feelings because people, especially mentally people who got there due to abuse, have conflicting thoughts and feelings. That's what you go to therapy to fix. (no one in BNHA goes to therapy) So, where does that leave you, anon? I think it's again about a greater question of what kind of stories you want to read. I will always agree we need more stories where child abuse victims walk away from their families and get to be happy about it. I get that the reconciliation stories like Encanto have their place, but for so long that's been such a big narrative in why people like me have to continue to have ties with people who hurt us. But BNHA isn't bucking that formula.

Horikoshi's own experiences and perspectives on abuse want wish fulfillment. And in his wishes, he wants the abuser to say sorry. Most abusers never get to where Enji has gotten. However, a good chunk of people don't want Enji to even say "I'm sorry" in the first place, and that's where I feel the story was just not written with them in mind. So, if you read the story wrong, it's because you wanted something different from it. You wanted a different type of narrative of abuse. Neither Horikoshi or you are wrong in wanting or writing this sort of story, it's just that the story is not for you. And accepting that will make you a happier person in the long run. Sometimes stories just aren't for you. I keep beating this like a dead horse; a large amount of the fandom, especially among my fellow villain-stans, didn't heed my warnings that the story wasn't going to end with what they wanted and they'd end up frustrated and angry at spending so much time for something that feels flat to them because they couldn't adjust their expectations. Lo and behold, it's too late now and now people are in their feelings about something they could have simply dropped or accepted. I'm sorry the story isn't for you and I hope you find a manga that suits you better in the future.

[bonefall]

now these are bones opinions and ive only seen like 3 episodes of naruto before i got bored but i gotta say: it IS weird that the show puts SO much emphasis on naruto coming from nothing and then makes his dad like, the ninja-president cause it feels like naruto is only impoverished bc the narrative needs to LOOK like it's important that he's in poverty

Smarter, more Naruto-centric blogs have discussed this odd retcon than I, but Nonny... let me just give you a sampler of how weird the retcon was.

(ALL of this is a retcon btw. We learn nearly everything about Naruto's lineage in one fell swoop.)

We find out that Naruto is actually the son of Kushina Uzumaki and Minato Namikaze.

Kushina Uzumaki is one of the last known members of a super powerful bloodline who was renowed for being special vessels of "Tailed Beasts."

Not only are Uzumakis powerful and renowed, Kushina being a survivor of the collapse of a nation, but any other Vessel who lets lose a tailed beast out of their body typically dies. (Unless you're gaara, then ur protected by being a main character)

She was known as the newest vessel of the Nine-Tailed Fox, which is basically like Konoha's very important nuclear warhead. Having a nuclear warhead is a major political consideration for ALL nations as a deterrant against invasion.

Minato, meanwhile, was the Hokage. President Dictator of Konoha.

These Are Both Well Known People. These Are Political Figureheads.

And also Kushina and Sasuke's mother were personal friends. Sasuke's mom was aware her friend was pregnant.

But when a Vessel gives birth is apparently becomes a moment of weakness during which the Tailed Beast can pop out. They take precautions, but You Can't Thwart Stage One

Nine-Tailed Fox kills a bunch of people in its rampage and Minato seals the beastie into a baby before dying (this part is not a retcon this is established from like the 1st chapter)

But it turns out that actually Minato and Kushina did it together and put the beastie into THEIR OWN baby.

But this makes NO sense in hindsight... like, at all.

His last name is Uzumaki and NO ONE KNEW?

He NEVER LEARNED what an Uzumaki is?

He looks JUST like Minato, too, spitting image. And no one knows.

THE PREVIOUS DICTATOR PRESIDENT

In spite of it being KNOWN that Minato was married to the previous Nuclear Warhead Holder.

This one shows up with a Nuclear Warhead of his own and no one puts two and two together

Sasuke's Mom also never approaches the very obvious child of her friend. Only person in the whole village with her last name. Born around the same time that her pregnant friend vanished.

Making Tailed Beasts into Nuclear Warheads was also a mistake because why the hell is no one trying to kidnap this unwanted WEAPON if having and using them is a major political consideration???

But no we gotta make Naruto the specialist boy to have ever been born and he's so amazing and perfect and always destined for greatness because of his birth. Who cares how little sense it actually makes.

It's like Kishimoto wanted to have his cake and eat it too; have Naruto both come from poverty and humble beginnings, but also have been the chosen one all along who was always going to become the big damn hero. Frustrating.

[yakool-foolio]

see maybe this is just me, but As A Character Designer Myself i think the rain code designs are some of komatzuzaki's best work yet. they're weird and campy and yet they work so well. i do think the characters' personalities shine through on first and second glances. I don't even usually like neon colors but I think the combo of bright neons with understated neutrals is so fascinating and memorable. no one else does it like this. a lot of the small details on the designs are actually packed with symbolic meaning (esp. yakou's - I'd love to see you unpack all that) and the overabundance of logos is evocative of the corpo-cyber-future setting. the rain code designs feel much more cohesive in terms of that setting than the DR designs do - which makes sense bc DR is more about disparate people being united by their circumstances - dialed to 11 in v3 where the designs are at their wackiest. but this ain't about her this is about rain code.

I love that characters you wouldn't expect (zange, fubuki, priest...) have weird facial piercings and tattoos. I love that the animal ears are never explained. I love desuhiko's tboy swag and yeah, the golden yellow and the dirty blonde and the neon yellow accents don't look great together - and I think the clashing colors work wonders to establish his personality. this kid dressed himself and thought it would make him look cool. you idiot. aphex's hat is stupid. zilch's ears are stupid. vivia's bandages-instead-of-clothes are stupid - and yet reading into that choice is very insightful. (he puts on a lazy air but if he was really lazy he'd just put on an oversized emo band tee instead of wrapping himself up like a mummy every day. he actually does care about how he comes across to people.)

there's a few videos about fashion YouTubers judging the DR fits, and at one point they brought in Yuma and shinigami and they hated yuma's outfit so much because it's dorky and they wouldn't wear it. but like!!! that's the whole point is that it's dorky!!!! his little trainee shorts. his stupid fkin bowl cut making him look like a little boy whose mom still cuts his hair. (which of course turns out to be a meaningful deception. his haircut influences how the audience and other characters see him to great effect.) and yet he has the coolest fkin shoes ever and when he puts his hat and cape on he's got such an iconic silhouette. teru teru bozu lookin ass /pos.

anyway yeah. i wasnt a fan of komatzuzaki's designs in the beginning but over the years ive come around. I'm a firm designer that a character design doesn't necessarily have to look good to be a good character design. I like it when they aren't afraid to make the characters look cringe - I love cringe. I eat it up. thanks for coming to my Ted talk.

Even more perspectives! I think your take of 'bad-looking designs can be good actually' is a great way to look at Rain Code's characters. To put it simply, it's unique! 'Nobody does it like Komatsuzaki'-kind of campiness. Honestly, Rain Code's designs remind me a lot of Danganronpa 2's designs in terms of color. That cast is full of much brighter colors compared to the lesser saturation of DR1 n V3's cast colors. And it makes sense cause it's a brighter game overall in terms of setting and upping the ridiculousness of the killing game in every way! Rain Code sorta follows that with its own designs by crankin' up the neons to really ride the idea home that this game is wacky right from the get-go and it's a Resident Evil game in disguise! And y'know what Resident Evil loves to indulge in? Campiness! Rain Code wears its inspirations on its sleeve, and that's totally chill.

As a sidenote to your sidenote regarding Yakou's clothing details, I have actually written a bit about how he might perceive them, but I haven't yet written about what they could truly mean in terms of how they relate to him narratively. The meaning of the phoenix patterns are painfully obvious though heh. And I also greatly appreciate the recognition that Vivia really does care about his appearance despite his 'laziness'. His hedonistic lifestyle includes his own attire, wearing whatever he pleases no matter the effort! Like I've preached before, Vivia has the energy, he just prefers to use it only when necessary.

Thank you for the TED talk *golf claps*

[mysterycitrus]

this isn’t a specific character for the hc game but! i have a meta look behind the curtain question — i’m curious how many of these hcs you had locked and loaded, ready to go, part of your own personal character bibles vs how many you had to sit and think of in the moment

either way holy shit they’re all so so good, i’m still v new to dc but your understanding of the characters is my favorite i’ve seen of any fan creators, respectful and knowledgeable about the canon but also so fleshed out and given so much heart and depth and nuance that dc can really lack sometimes

that is really very lovely to say and i really appreciate it

idk how to describe it exactly — wrt my personal creative process, once ive read enough of a character it just gets really easy to make logical jumps about how to add characterisation that’s internally consistent. i kinda just…. vibe it out? even for characters i don’t necessarily like, it’s very quick to patch stuff together for them provided ive consumed and thought about enough canon material. most of the headcanons ive been writing is just stuff im coming up with as i go through

for example, for donna i knew i wanted to incorporate robbie in some way, so — she holds someone else’s baby -> wally has a new baby -> wally’s new baby probably has red hair, like robbie -> this is naturally upsetting -> rinse, repeat. likewise for her photography as a motif for her lost memories -> she remembers many different lives -> she’s a photographer -> she’d use her photography to capture concrete moments in her life, etc. idk if that makes sense

same deal with persephone… none of those character interactions are planned. i just started writing them and the characters did what they wanted to do. i basically just judged which characters would affect dickie’s tenuous mental state in ways that would best suit the narrative. there are specific books i read to try and monitor accuracy but other than that…… it’s all just vibes. vibes and logical conclusions and trusting that im being true to the character’s intent tehehehe

good luck with ur dc journey! try to avoid anything published this decade 🌝

[rynnthefangirl]

I'm glad you understood a little better what some fans of Aegon III and Viserys II feel, basically in my point of view the fandom expects them to sacrifice and suffer the mistakes of others, and being called usurpers when all they would do is claim something that belongs to them, it is frustrating, I've never seen anyone, except maybe one person, say that the one who had to step aside was Jace, since truly the right was Aegon's and he knew it because he was perfectly aware that he was illegitimate hence his visceral reactions when he was told so. But the responsibility always falls on Aegon or Viserys, they are the bad brothers who have to be white cloaks or maesters, or be studs for some lady of Westeros like their father was when that is not their place for the sake of his half-brother . They are always destined to be the bad guys in this fandom, Rhaenyra can fight the usurper, but Aegon and Viserys do not have the same right, because yes, Rhaenyra, to cover up her mistake, was depriving her legitimate children with Daemon of what was theirs. George makes Rhaenyra look very bad with this, a gigantic hypocrisy. And they will tell me it is not Jace, Lucerys and Joffrey's fault for being bastards, well, it is not Aegon and Viserys's either 🤷🏼‍♀️ that is my point. Some will say that kings choose their heir and Rhaenyra chose Jace, wanting to make a parallel between Viserys and Rhaenyra, but Jace was not eligible as an heir, if he were a legitimized bastard he could have been one although it would also be highly frowned upon if he headed the line of succession, but that was not the case. In short, long live Aegon III, whose existence is the salvation of House Targaryen.

I mean that all makes sense, but I guess to me it still seems like an extreme response to what amounts to only a hypothetical. Like Jace very much didn’t take the throne from anyone because never sat it. And he didn’t sit it because he died for his baby brother before he got the chance. Aegon III becomes king, and Viserys II as well, and they never had to fight Jace for it. And from what we see of their characters, they never actually wanted it anyway, and would far prefer having their family back. So pitting then against Jace feels unnecessary and contradictory to what I see as a point of their characters and their most admirable qualities (being two kings who, after the destructive greed of the Dance, truly care for the good of the realm above all and wear the crown out of duty and not desire).

But that is from more a strictly source material perspective, and fandom does change things. For instance, I probably would rather like Aegon II as a character if left to my own devices, but then the fandom goes and treats him like a poor victim who had no choice but to steal the throne, and it just makes me despise him wholeheartedly. Compare to Aegon IV, who is as despicable as any Targ, but I love his character because I think he’s fun and interesting. Two Targs that are awful people but compelling characters, yet the fandom response make me appreciate one while having nothing but contempt for the other.

All that is to say, there isn’t any fandom behavior that I myself have experienced that would make me resent the Velaryon boys despite the lack of conflict between them and Aegon III in the narrative. But I can’t discount that others might have different experiences, and seeing them shunted aside or demonized for the sake of their half brothers would be very aggravating. Particularly given how their characters have effectively been erased from HOTD (which I am still fuming about, why are they still toddlers when the Gullet is mere moments away😤), so show-only fans would be more like to dismiss their characters as irrelevant (ugh, even writing that raises my hackles). Again, not really an issue I come across, but I think we all underestimate to what extent our personal fandom experiences are not universal.

[ms-all-sunday]

w7 robin is creepy. most creepy thing about her is how she refuses to react to any of it. like the most creepy reveal ive ever seen in anything is that robin doesnt even need to be put in seastone handcuffs to listen to the government. shes either completely nonreacting in a way that makes you feel intensely uncomfortable or reacting like she's seen a monster right in front of her that you cant see but shes convinced is there.

when i call robin creepy in water 7 im doing it with the knowledge shes coming off as creepy because she has personality disorders and ptsd, and shes in a triggering situation for her that is partially her fault and partially the governments, (like i genuinely think w7 is the best possible representation of being triggered ive ever seen, i really do fucking intensely relate to robin.)

i think the reason i feel so comfortable in calling her creepy on this blog despite the fact i have never been comfortable doing so in reference to any other character with that level of trauma is that the reason she's creepy in water 7 is not from a point of alienation?

i always used to think "having a mentally ill person be bad means they get nagito komaedaed" and what i meant by that is they get alienated from the narrative. its a thought i had specifically after seeing persona 5s akechi play out (that game should on paper be way more sympathetic and not alienating towards akechi than it is) and it was the best representation ive seen of someone being bad and mentally ill that i had seen up until that point, but he still gets nagito komaedaed.

as in, i feel he gets alienated from the audiences perspective and you are supposed to view him as a horror monster rather than a character. akechi is kind of like progressive nagito komaeda.

so when i call robin creepy, i mean that in the sense i don't think her perspective gets alienated from the audience. (in the nagito komaeda way) i think you're supposed to always view her as a friend and someone close to you. which i think is where the good horror comes from in regards to how she acts in water 7. you fundamentally couldn't have the horror of her situation impact you as much as it does in w7, without the understanding extended to her.

the story water 7 is about a lot of things, but most of them can be captured in "when mentally ill people do bad things because they're mentally ill" and i struggle really bad when i'm perceived as creepy or monstrous because of how i act in regards to my mental illness, being able to conceptualize someone seeing me as creepy even when they love me and are close to me or even because of it helps with that a lot. and there's naunce to it too, because in canon robin also has people perceiving her as a literal demon child and that from other people is coming from a horrible place.

this also leads me into how great of a title "demon child" is for her, because she allows herself to be defined by that trauma for the majority of her life and the title reflects that. both how she lets other people define her by it and herself.

[daydreamycrustacean]

you cant just threaten me with narrative parallels to big boss and not deliver. i need this

AHEHEHEE....( •̀ ω •́ )✧ Ive spent all noon going insane over char and ive listened 3 times to beyond the time, so you chose the perfect time for this.... Okay. so basically,

meme comic aside, here's a more structured and elaborated version of these points, taken from something that I wrote in my notes app at 2 am, plus some other points. Sorry if this doesn't make sense. Im not good at putting my thoughts into words.

----------------------

-they are both soldiers who end up being idolized and turned into a symbol. this idolization makes people want them to be in a position of leadership.

-being better known for their nom de guerre, "the red comet/char aznable" (which also counts as this, since it's a fake name tied to his identity in the one-year war) and "big boss", adds to this idealization, and with it also comes depersonalization, as their identity becomes just an image of a war hero that exists in peoples heads. a legend, rather than a real person.

-the artificiality of this legend is brought home in the way that it is taken, replicated, and put into other people, showing that anyone can be "the red comet" or "big boss". that's right baby. clones! Be it The Patriots making supersoldier clones of big boss for war purposes or Sunrise making Char after Char for anime purposes. But Char does also have actual in-universe clones???

-And also phantoms... the much clearer example of the artificiality of these legends/identities. I don't know anything abt Gundam Unicorn and so the only things I know abt Full Frontal are from the wiki. but he's just Venom Snake. Hey, what if we took this random guy and altered his appearance and mind to be the red comet/big boss?

-Okay its time to talk about The Boss and Zeon Deikun. Their deaths turn them both into symbols that represent the ideals that they preached. Ideals that everyone else takes and misinterprets for their own purposes. Their deaths also kickstart Big Boss and Char´s...everything. In a way, both Big Boss and Char dedicate their lives fighting for the ideals that their mother/father represented. Are they any good at this? Or are they yet another person taking these ideals and twisting them beyond recognition? Let´s say that´s up for debate.

-"So both Char and Big Boss ended up being idolized just like The Boss and Zeon Deikun? Even though it's something that they did not want and tried to avoid?" YES! Unavoidable fate. Repeating mistakes of the past...Sins of the Father... one of the key themes of Metal Gear. THE theme of metal gear. Big Boss more consciously tried to avoid the fate of The Boss by leaving the US military and hated being seen as a hero/called Big Boss because of The Boss. Char never outright states that the reason he does not want leadership is because he does not want to suffer his father´s fate...but his choice of accepting leadership is tied into his father´s fate nonetheless, with "Maybe human sacrifices run in your family" and Char casting himself as that human sacrifice in Char´s Counterattack. Is the reason as to why thinking about Char makes me so insane because his narrative of not being able to escape his father´s shadow taps into one of Metal Gears main themes? who knows...

-I said that Char´s "The Boss" figure is Zeon Deikun...but I think Lalah is the emotional aspect of this. She is the more clear Mother Figure whose death scars and haunts Char the way The Boss haunts Big Boss. Yes, Char also lost his real mom when young but shes not as important as Lalah.

-They just miss their mom bro :(

-cue millions of jokes about Oedipus complexes (more prevalent in the gundam fandom. for some reason.)...not gonna comment on this but they are there. and I can't ignore it if I'm talking abt comparisons between them.

-Okay, mothers/fathers talk aside. Their relationship to war and conflict. Not much else to say that I didn't say in the image. Its all they know and and all they think themselves capable of. Though thinking about their similarities on this did remind me of something that Beltorchika said in Zeta about Char, about how she thinks he's someone who is incapable of living without war and how definitely similar things are directly said about big boss in metal gear. there's more to this and about whether this is true and why...but my eyes are starting to hurt. I need to finish this.

-Lets go back to leadership. despite the fact that they both do not initially want this position of power, they do eventually give into it to help soldiers/Spacenoids respectively. Big Boss wants soldiers to not be used by governments like he was used (but he does end up using them nonetheless. oops) and Char wants Spacenoid independence from the Federation, although Char´s motivations in cca are more complex than just this, I do believe part of him does genuinely see helping spacenoids as his "duty" and something he needs to sacrifice himself for.Okay that was my last big point. finally this is done. more stuff:

-the_man_who_sold_the_world.mp3

-I don't know. all war criminals know these days is be bisexual and lie. <- all there is to say abt their heavy homoerotic subtext. which yes they also both individually have. although big boss´ is stronger bc he's in metal gear. I also can't ignore it. It's still a character aspect.

-forgot abt Quess...use of child soldiers ig. awesome.

[omegalomania]

ive got a one free sincere poetical diatribe coupon that expires this week so im cashing it in on waxing lyrical about my favorite band for a minute cause im stupidly sleep deprived and its gonna be a long night so

the thing is this.

the thing is that maybe there isnt quite magic in this world but theres something to be said for the pure unfettered serendipity of a million little things conspiring to have certain peoples paths cross and the way this can change entire worlds. maybe i dont believe in magic but i believe in the unshakable fucking certainty that a 17 year old joe trohman had when he met a 17 year old patrick stump in a bookstore by sheer chance and listened to his demos and Knowing that he should sing despite patrick not being a singer and not particularly wanting to sing. i believe in the stone cold rock solid belief this kid had in this other kids voice to the point where he dragged his buddy over to his house to prove he had the pipes they needed. i believe in pete wentz hearing patrick stump sing in person for the first time and realizing wait, yeah, actually hes our golden fucking ticket. i believe in the last second just before patrick was about to get on the kit to record the drums for take this to your grave, andy hurley comes swinging in fresh from recording an ep with another band and knocking out every drum part damn near flawlessly. i believe in a band of scrappy dumb punk kids who grew up in the suburbs of the midwest and took over the world and didnt plan for any of it to get as big as it did. i believe in this weird fucking band with their weird fucking idiosyncrasies, this band of four guys who dont look like they should be friends let alone making music together: a heavily tattooed vegan straightedge beefcake drummer, the ambitious visionary bassist with the 50-megawatt grin, the tattoo-sleeved lanky guitarist with an inescapable rock 'n roll bent, the pixie-pale and painfully anxious frontman with the voice of a soul singer.

i believe theres a special kind of chemistry that only makes sense with the four of them, together. its the guy with the visuals and the words, this bassist who was supposed to be a lawyer or a star soccer player but instead crafts stories from the narratives he crafts in his head. its this guitarist with his love for the interleaving of sounds and ability to seamlessly jump from front-facing to incredibly restrained and his indelible blues-rock momentum. its this singer who never intended to sing but whose soaring, clear tenor is so utterly distinct that he quickly became one of the most iconic and versatile vocalists in the genre, if not in the world of music in general. its this hardcore drummer who pulls everything together and forms the throbbing heartbeat of the band, whose grit-edged metalcore backbone not even the poppiest of all pop choruses can truly file away.

i believe in this: andy hurley's unshakable faith that the band would reform during the hiatus, despite all evidence to the contrary. patrick stump writing the song that would become "miss missing you" for his solo record but then setting it aside because it didnt feel like it was for him, again, despite every indication that for all anyone knew, fall out boy was done for good. pete wentz, moved by a miserable blog post from his split-up bands singer, reaching out and sparking what was unheard of, especially for bands like them - a renaissance, a successful resurgence, and one of the best comebacks any musical act can say theyve had in decades. joe trohman picking up the phone and preparing to tell patrick stump that he wasn't ready to go back and do the band again if he wasn't going to be writing music, only for patrick to take the words out of his mouth and insist that he should be writing more and he was too talented a writer for them not to allow him space for that.

i believe in the little things. i believe in a band that was never expected to last a summer but has become an indelible part of music history, naysayers be damned. i believe in the unique chemistry of four guys who have no monetary or logistical reason to continue doing this thing aside from the fact that they love it so - they love the process of creating with one another, and they love the car crash hearts whose hearts beat in sync with theirs. i believe in joe listening to the first pass of "fake out" exactly once, picking up an acoustic guitar, and walking into record the instrumentation that ultimately pulled the entire song together in one take without thinking twice about it. i believe in andy simply knowing that "heaven, iowa" would make the final cut of the record despite patricks reticence and his not knowing how to make the song something he could say he was proud of. i believe in pete pouring some of his most vulnerable feelings into his, fearful of how well they will be accepted but making that leap nonetheless, only for the crowds to sing every single word back to him.

maybe theres no such thing as magic or fate and maybe theres no point. but i think of stardust. i think of four guys who poured so much love and time into this record and named it for stardust and i think of them as this: fistfuls of cosmic dust who all sprang from the same etiology. i think of them and its a romantic fucking notion but i allow myself this, i entertain the thought that when the cosmos formed and the detonation of planets and the dissolution of comets created that far-flung scatter of so much (for) stardust, that starry residue liberally dotting the broad span of the black, the four of them all came from the same origin point and like magnets ended up snapping together and thats the way theyve stayed. for years. for decades.

what i guess im trying to say is this: when the universe formed we all came from stardust and we will all return to stardust and i cant help but wonder if those four guys all came from the same stardust too.

like i said. its a romantic fucking notion. i believe in the little things though. and you know what they say about believers (never die).

[eddiediazismyhusband]

I enjoy clowning—it’s fun, I’ve been having fun this hiatus—but after 7B, season 8 is a make or break season. Either it’s going to go well, or it’s going to go so bad. Personally I’m on the fence about actually watching S8 after 7B, and I’m inclined to hover and wait for spoilers before actually watching, but I’m not sticking around (with the actual show, I’ll still be in the fandom) past it on a “they might finally do it!” possibility if it doesn’t happen in S8. I’ve been down that road before and I’m too old to be investing my time into shows that aren’t actually making me happy anymore.

see to me some instances of clowning is fun but other instances veer too close to “convincing myself this is actually going to happen” territory bc like:

the theories make sense. the in depth analyses make sense. no one is wrong in saying everything is in fact (seemingly) pointing to buddie, and it would be stupid of them not to commit to it.

yet (as ive mentioned before) we have been in this position countless times, and every time they’ve taken a sharp left turn away from the natural path, just to avoid actually giving us buddie.

because once they do, they lose their bait chip… they can’t rely on “ohhh but what if buddie happens!!!” to cover up the decline in general writing quality once they actually commit, which means they’d have to work extra hard to actually keep people invested because people will start to see the cracks aside from the buddie of it all and will stop watching

it’s why i wish more fans would be more vocal about how we aren’t going to just let them keep dragging us along rather than staying on this hamster wheel of “i can feel it, it’s gonna happen this time, i just know it” only for it to inevitably not happen bc they flipped the script (literally) in the eleventh hour, and all that buildup is watered down to nothing (the well, the gunshot/will arc, the breakdown arc, the lightning strike, bi buck, eddisol breakup) like they keep giving themselves prime opportunity to actually do something, yet they keep pushing this narrative of “oh well if the story goes there naturally”

well, hate to break it to ya guys but it has gone there naturally multiple times and yall just swerved around it.

i could go on about how buck’s bisexuality could have been introduced in a slightly different way, launching eddie’s crisis in s7 so that we could have gotten both of them coming out in s7 (if not buddie canon) and then s8a could focus on them getting together.

but instead we got eddie saying shannon’s the love of his life snd we got buck dating a racist who is dismissive and boring.

anyway, i’m just not gonna involve myself with s8 until we get something and no, i’m not forcing myself to watch them just torture eddie again and again bc they’ve chosen him to be their punching bag character in the writer’s room even though tim claims to “love” ryan yet keeps putting his character through the same fucking ringer every season to the point where even ryan was like “he’s moved on from his wife like a hundred times by now”

[ripplestitchskein]

Brace yourselves Stolitz fans, I think it’s gonna get bumpy. We kind of already knew that but I think it might go longer than we hoped?

So last night I shared my Stolitz pic with my DnD group, I’m doing art for their characters and we have an art space in our game discord and a few of them watch Hazbin and HB. An IRL friend who is also an HB fan asked about the OC in the pic and I shared it was based on the rumor that Stolas is getting a new boyfriend, they could be a parrot potentially voiced by Harvey Guillen but that this was not confirmed or anything. He said “HMMMM that jives with what her assistant told us.”

I’m like “What! Tell me. “

I guess while waiting in line for her to sign for the person in front of them at Mega they were chatting with an assistant and said they loved Look My Way and were interested in where the Stolas and Blitzø story was going. The assistant said they had seen the rest of Season 2 and “You may not love the way it goes if you like the coupling”.

I spiraled immediately, like full on upset. Bitch I cried. I’ve spent hours analyzing this cartoon and that broke me a bit. I’m not necessarily concerned with my ships being “endgame”, I’ve shipped lots of couples that rarely interact just for interesting dynamics. Or couples where one half is literally dead in canon, where they are mortal enemies and not in an enemies to lovers way etc. It just seemed so final and is contradictory to everything the show has setup so far and what I’ve been enjoying about the show and it really fucked me up if I’m honest. I also have a really bad brain though and I know this. I’m not equipped to rationally think about it.

I hesitated to even share what was said because I dislike bumming anyone out but as a speculation and spoiler goblin I’d also like people to share with me so I can prepare myself?

Ive had some time to sit and process and cope a bit “is that information really that different than what we have already?” And the short answer is no, not really. It’s also like their job to tease fans. It was also one sentence I didn’t even actually hear with my own ears lol. My brain just did what it does and took it to the worst place. I took it as “they are killing it completely” and are about to destroy the only reason I enjoy this show so much. Which maaaaay have been an over reaction but I can’t like, help that.

I just honestly cannot fathom how they could so sharply pivot at this point and have it make sense? I can’t fathom why they even would. I don’t even know what role Stolas could possibly have in that scenario. I think that was what upset me the most, Stolas is my favorite and his entire character within the world of the show is completely dependent on his ties to Blitzø to be part of the narrative because he has no ties to IMP outside of it. The idea of him being shelved, even temporarily, is upsetting to me. The show so far is not setup to view characters lives outside of Blitzø and IMP so I can’t see them having Stolas go off and do his own thing without removing him from the narrative completely.

I’m just sad about it and I think I’m putting too much thought into it. Maybe they just meant what we’ve thought all along and that we wouldn’t be happy because of the boyfriend character, and as I’ve said before the split up absolutely has to happen for them to reconcile and come back together. It is actually a good thing story wise for that to happen but the phrasing (though second hand) just depressed the fuck out of me so I wanted to vent a bit and maybe get some outside perspective from people who’s brains work better than mine. It’s possible this is a situation where i know a thing “Stolas is getting a new boyfriend” because I am terminally online and gobble up every like react and ambiguous emoji and assign meaning to it, and the assistant was just talking about that same information assuming my friend didn’t know that (he didn’t) but because I already knew it I’m assigning new meaning to it as if it’s additional different information. That’s a distinct possibility.

Even if it’s the worst case scenario, I’m not a hate watcher, if I don’t like the direction something is going I bitch a bit in mourning and then remove myself completely. So I’ll see how it plays out and see if it makes sense narratively. Maybe I’ll love the direction, who knows. If it what’s we originally speculated based on the narrative setup so far, the boyfriend character is a catalyst to help Blitzø reconcile his feelings and to let Stolas do his own healing and character development but it all that leads to the completion of the story they’ve been telling up to this point that’s perfect. If it leads to less Stolas and a completely different direction than what we’ve spent 1.5 seasons on so far, I don’t know how I would feel about that. I want it clear though I wouldn’t be mad at the creators, it’s their story they can do what they want, and I’m sure others will enjoy whatever they offer up but I personally would just quietly move on to something else.

I’m interested in how others view the response. Just a tease about the boyfriend, and thinking we’ll be unhappy because of that but ultimately it’s going how its been setup? Or should I break out my violin and start up “Nearer, my God, to thee”. I just really need some better brains to give me some perspective,