#i like my men psychotic
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ME TOO ‼️‼️
I can’t fix him but I could fuck him.
#i’m very delusional but very real#please support my delulu#coriolanus snow x reader#anakin skywalker x reader#void stiles x reader#ethan landry x reader#luke castellan x reader#bucky barnes x reader#jason dean x reader#patrick bateman#jonathan crane#i like my men psychotic
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Realised that I've never posted Hellsing stuff on here, soooo...
#damn its crazy i only seem to like slightly psychotic blond men#hmmmmm#either way these two inhabit a cobwebbed corner of my brain#it's almost like i can't stop thinking of them and their thematic parallels#hellsing#hellsing alucard#hellsing fanart#alucard hellsing#alexander anderson#hellsing art#hellsing anime#alucard#alucard fanart#anderson hellsing#no clue how to tag for this fandom sorry#alucard x anderson#andercard
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Plans for tonight: studying physics and psychology and not being pressed about anybody’s dumbass son ‼️🎀🥂💕
#man who is hot? we don’t care#we stay focused on the goal#saw the 28 year old grad student I had a psychotic crush on for the longest time but he’s licherally none of my business#you know what my business is? bernoulli’s law bitch#i was like 20 and he was 27 at the time of us talking and I’m to this day surprised we talked however brief it was#the daddy issues really shone w this one#guys my age suck too so in conclusion we just avoid men for the time being#instead of having toxic thoughts about looking as hot as possible to get his attention I will instead do these physics questions. bless#p
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what makes me laugh about the trikey fandom is that although years have passed and people come and go, the og's are still active. like yeah this is such a small group of fans we could all fit in a bus, but there will always be like three to four bloggers who will never not get off the fucking bus
#i am one of them - unfortunately for all of u#trikey is like my supernatural ship or mulder scully idk how else to explain it#like even as i am in my big age i still think about these psychotic homicidal old men this ship is my fucking brokeback mountain#trikey#.txt
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RIP Krakoa 🌹 I can’t lie I’ve been kinda behind since midway through Fall of X I’m gonna catch up before my first SDCC this summer but I hear Vulcan didn’t see much action anyway. Anyway my hand slipped and I found myself looking into the eyes of my canonically psychotic son the best Summers brother who’s never done anything wrong in his entire life, (he’s done lotsa wrong things but I love him more for it)
#canonically psychotic = he canonically has psychosis. (not in the ableist way in that hes evil. which he is. lemme enjoy problematic rep)#Gabriel Summers#art by seaweed#words by seaweed#X-Men Red#the Gabriel hate during the Krakoa era pffffft. was 100% from ppl who didnt read the Rise and Fall of the Shi'ar Empire#“he attacked Storm” hes also a genocidal dictator who tortures ppl for catharsis. drunkenly coming at Ororo is the least bad thing he did#“he's a douche” mother of all understatements. now get this man back w his boyfriend who he forced to be his best man under pain of death#Gabriel fans LOVE that Ororo beat his ass. he deserved it. it was a fake discourse made up by a certain segment of goddess!Ororo fans#I say as an Ororo fan! Shes my fav A-list x-man🥰 yes Gabe was at a mental low but Ororo didnt know that. that was Scott's responsibility.#psychotic Emperor Vulcan is what we call a problematic mentally ill villain trope. I love him SO much. (okay lets talk)#we don’t know much about his childhood but we do know he spent 2 years in a fugue state after escaping slavers when he was like ten ):#as an “adult”-ish he's uh “mentally” 15 or sumn according to the calculations claimed to him by his hallucination of his actual child self#and apart from THOSE hallucinations. he’s very paranoid to the point of killing his advisors because he becomes convinced-#that they’re plotting to kill him. they aren't. he relies on Calseye to ground him thru his paranoia. and then of course in the Krakoa era#he believes his energy constructs of Petra and Sway who drink with him till he blacks out every single day are real. he isnt consciously#creating them; but he sees them- and bc he’s a godlike mutant his subconscious makes his hallucinations visible. making everyone uncomfy#Charles tries to use telepathy to FORCIBLY reality check him. which of course triggers his trauma. and GABE is punished for it?#(oh plus our finding out Gabe got brain surgery done on him by some gods outside the universe offpanel. he never does well with tampering)#and now the writers who pushed Hickman out (also RIP Sabretooth & the Exiles. RIP Hellions) want us to be SAD Krakoa is gone?#yes Gabriel is the mentally ill villain trope. but Krakoa never cared for mutants who couldn’t fit in. who were traumatized. disabled. etc#Alex OF ALL PEOPLE should understand that. ALEX should’ve been there for Gabriel. (why wasn't he. did he hold a grudge for past torture.)#Alex also w Murder-Enjoying Disorder but it was actually treated as an illness and those in authority presented as wrong for excluding him#instead of helping him. which v flawed but Hellions was one of the best mental illness comics? like Zeb Wells was conscious of the genre#but Gabriel was just… cast out. for panicking when his prime traumatizer Charles invaded his mind. he deserved help too#and all because his family were annoyed at him for drinking all night and throwing up and passing out on the floor? for being delusional?#And like- all of the summers brothers are nd (Scott's brain damage; Alex's dissociative episodes; Gabriel's psychosis)#I have nothing to say about Adam X ((I highly doubt he's neurotypical and/or mentally healthy)) ((nothing to say abt him tho))#and Gabes paranoia is 100% rooted in his issues of being made to feel like an outsider. like YES the obvious MUTANT identity but also#he thinks his father abandoned him to be a slave. he's not Summers enough for Scott. hes not Shi'ar enough for the Shi'ar
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There's a new novel about Joan of Kent that's coming out in September: Elizabeth Chadwick's The Royal Rebel.
1338: England has declared war on France, and Jeanette of Kent, cousin to King Edward III, says goodbye to her family and travels overseas with the royal court for the first time. Once in Antwerp, she is captivated by talented household knight, Thomas Holland, just as he in turn is powerfully drawn to her.Although both know their romance is forbidden, their love for each other grows stronger than the danger they face, and they marry in secret. But before they can make their tryst known, Thomas has to leave for war, and in his absence, Jeanette is forced into a second marriage and locked away from the world. Then Thomas returns, and the real fight begins. As hostile family members battle to keep Jeanette and Thomas apart, the defiant lovers vow to be reunited - whatever the cost...From the award-winning and bestselling author, Elizabeth Chadwick, comes an epic love story set against the tumultuous backdrop of high chivalry, deadly warfare, devastating plague, and savage rivalry in the twelfth century - the first of two parts telling the remarkable story of a woman who rose from royal rebel to formidable influence.
I have several posts on this and a glitter text gif but let me just say it again: Joan of Kent was born at the earliest in September 1326 and at the latest September 1328 (her birthday was on or shortly before Michaelmas, the year is unclear). In 1338, Joan could only have been 12 years old and quite possibly hadn't yet reached her 12th birthday when she married Holland. Holland was born in 1314 or 1315, i.e. he would have been around twice her age. No wonder her family was "hostile" to the marriage! That "powerful draw" Holland has would see him on a sex offenders registry.
Either Chadwick has aged Joan up like a tacky romance novelist loosely inspired by history, she didn’t bother to work out how old Joan actually was or she’s like “yeah totes fine nothing to see here Margaret Beaufort was the norm” when every serious medievalist will tell you that Margaret Beaufort was not the norm. Please. No more "preteen and early teenage girls could fall in true love with grown ass men in the Middle Ages and it's completely fine, nothing rapey about that."
#if she gets sexually harassed by other men so that we 'know' holland is the right man for her... we riot#(it's happened like. 2 or 3 times? emma campion did it AND gave us psychotic black prince killing puppies when he was 6)#chadwick is supposed to be writing a trio of novels focused on joan and katherine swynford being romantic heroines and girlbosses#merylstreepgroundbreaking.gif#as much as i love them i loathe the basic Romance Heroine™ characterisation both of them get#(also chadwick posted an excerpt on her fb where joan bitches about montagu being so young. he's her age or 1-2 years younger)#oh god we're getting 'actually historians are confused and joan was actually born in 1316 because my psychic said so' aren't we#(chadwick consults psychics for her novels apparently)#text posts#joan of kent#historical fiction venting
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have discovered a new enemy while doing research for the honours essay. why are you pretending to understand psychology and BLATANTLY misinterpreting actual terms and concepts in order to tear down a movie aimed at teenage girls, my good bitch. i'm going to start biting
#you got the WRONG BITCH bc you just hit on two of my biggest interests (zombie movies and psychology) at once#FIRST of all. you dont have the credentials to be talking abt this and it shows bc why dont you know what psychotic means!!#simple shit!! you want to pretend you know psychology dont fuck up psychopathology psychopathy and psychosis! all different things!#you can BARELY conceive of narcissism. a one off joke about how a character recognizes his flaws and wishes he was respected more#is NOT proof to label someone as a fucking narcissist oh my god. id actually argue the complete opposite#you are accusing A Zombie of being abusive based on (checks notes) being scary looking eating brains and /protecting a girl/#bc uhhhhhhh smth smth dark triad smth smth twi/ight#last time i checked thats literally just fucking normal ass zombie shit + him being NICE!!#its not male gaze 'ocular aggression' bestie he cant blink. hes dead.#talking about how the zombie is unrepentantly creepy when he Literally worries about coming off as creepy In The Movie out loud#SECONDLY to circle back why are you so stressed about twilight. thats not even the subject of the chapter#(there are good critiques of those movies but this is not that)#your book came out in 2015 why were you still shitting your pants and crying that girls were having fun 3yrs ago at the EARLIEST#reaching so fucking hard to 'um ackshewally [thing that teenage girls like] bad' im shocked you didnt throw your fuckin back out#your arguments are nonsensical your positions reveal an alarming level of sexism and you should be ashamed#levi.txt#believe it or not im having fun rn. im funny complaining not angry complaining#w@rm b0dies isnt a Good movie but i will go to bat for it actually. let teenage girls have fun garbage#god knows adult men have enough of their own to choose from ESP in this genre#and its a movie that has a lot of interesting shit someone could analyze!! im focusing on it as a representation of changing feminism#but id love to see a reading of its portrayal of zombiehood as disability + its cure narrative#or critiquing how it writes its female characters bc admittedly theyre bad ngl#or on how survival is represented in comparison to films like zomb!e/and (which i also love) where you 'earn' survival with competence!#genuinely there is even smth to be said for the problematic nature of the brain eating element. id be intrigued by that paper#i dont think its much worse than the play the movie is based on? but its not nothing#it Is ultimately a little bit fucked up and i dont think the movie explores it enough#but noooooo we gotta talk about how the zombie is a narcissistic abuser bc of the brain eating. ok
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speaking of tfw2.0 every time i see titkok edits or tfw2.0 discussion posts here with a significant lack of jack in them I just kinda sorta
#*dark knight voice* WHERE IS HE ‼️‼️‼️ WHERE IS HE‼️‼️‼️‼️‼️‼️‼️#spn fans truly do not see tfw2.0 as an actual full unit more than they see it as 3 men and a baby#I’d put my foot up y’alls asses if your heads weren’t already in the way#spn#supernatural#spn edits#team free will 2.0#tfw2.0 edits#even eviltfw2.0 isn’t safe y’all just can’t let go of ur ableist baby notion with jack#HE LITERALLY BECOMES PSYCHOTIC AND UNSTABLE BUT OKAYY WHATEVER#have to do everything myself#jack kline#sam winchester#dean winchester#castiel#so many integral discussions that he is simply not a part of when he simply should be . like the entire cycle of abuse thing. come oonnnnn#urgh#cannot be too bitter when im meeting him tomorrow I suppos .#onto better things#!#spn critical#well it’s more fandom critical than actual show#fandom critical#yea there we go
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people experiencing a delusion can still be skeptical or partially aware that what they believe isn’t accurate / isn’t true
#Like. I’ll be delusional and think the bathroom has invisible men in it waiting to kill me (actual delusion ive experienced)#Doesn’t mean I’m not skeptical that it’s.not true#We as humans are going to question things. Psychotic people are still humans.#Also#don’t take this as “then why are they delusional if they can just deny it and move on” bc that’s. Clearly not what I m#Meant. Like. Just because I’m aware that carrots are healthy#I’ve eaten them in the past and my mom likes carrots#doesn’t mean I can eat carrots. I still will cry and have a meltdown because I think I’m going to die and that all carrots are#Poison. Psychosis is complex#and so are humans#Psychosis#Psychotic#Actually psychotic#Op doesn’t have schizophrenia#Psychosis posting
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saw one of those that’s a body trend tiktoks it’s so delusional it’s so twisted and deranged and the whole debate about male and female friendships and the fact that cishet people can’t fathom the idea of people of the opposite sex having completely platonic but deep and meaningful relationships is fucking hilarious to me
#like i have two insanely close friends both of them are straight men and we’re very affectionate with each other like we slept in the same#bed on numerous occasions and it never crossed my mind to fuck them and it’s completely mutual#and the things listed in the tiktok were like sharing clothes. helping a girl put on her jewelry. paying for a girl’s coffee#like darling dear lovely if you spend enough time with someone you’ll end up doing all of that and also the idea that your significant othe#can’t have any meaningful intimate relationships apart from you is fucking psychotic
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I could fix him but I kinda like him a little murderous and psychotic tho
#he would kill me too#but i don’t mind#love my sexy psychotic men#i don’t care about fixing him lol#can you tell i’m also insane?#i like my men broken#and deranged#and psychotic#with a dash of mommy issues#coriolanus snow x reader#anakin skywalker x reader#void stiles x reader#tom riddle x reader#mattheo riddle x reader#theodore nott x reader#ethan landry x reader#billy hargrove x reader#luke castellan x reader#aaron warner#cardan greenbriar#jonathan crane#patrick bateman#this is so unhealthy of me#also very unhinged#but also so real#this is the last time i’m going to talk about being a fixer upper i promise
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let me drop some drama on y’all — in the last year + 7 days, I:
reconnected with multiple friends from high school at a wedding I legally officiated for two old friends
realized in hindsight that I had liked one of our classmates when we were in school, who had attended the wedding and was now recently divorced
started talking to him very often and, by proxy, the husband I officiated the wedding for
started an on-off flirtation with the divorced friend — [clarification: HE started it, but I was very receptive when I realized what he was doing, it just took me a while]
became the “dump my mental health problems” friend for the husband^ who I’ve said is like a baby brother to me for *checks calendar* 12+ years
was accused by my friend’s wife AND the friend that I was flirting with that I was having an affair with the husband or at least harboring romantic feelings for him
she also accused me of behaving like her abusive mother, when I told her she was out of line for even thinking I would have an affair with (1) her husband (2) who I kept saying was like a baby brother to me
held an intervention for the husband about his ragingly out of control anxiety, where he proceeded to, like, beat the windows of the car and yell and be violent [not at me but around me and I was very triggered and scared] — after which he said he couldn’t trust me anymore because I was projecting my anxiety onto him, and he was fine
fell into an episode of psychosis because I was surrounded by people who didn’t trust me for reasons they’d all made up in their heads, and were all mad at me for ❤️
[while in psychosis] dealt with the guy I was flirting with talking about wanting to sleep with his coworker, and being very on/off + hot/cold with me — which I wrote off as post-divorce emotional problems I just needed to be patient through lmao
[while in psychosis] dealt with the husband’s mental breakdown about never wanting to get married in the first place, dragging my family and the family of the guy I was flirting with into the mess — we got the husband pink slipped and I stopped talking to him and his wife
was told by the friend that had been flirting with me that he’d been leading me on, as he proceeded to ditch me for another friend that I helped him reconnect with — but promised me that we were besties and nothing would change!! (how kind. also? he broke that promise immediately and called me difficult)
dealt with his new girlfriend lying to me about them not being together, because no!! hoes before bros, Alex, I would never date someone who hurt my friend!! but also you need to be personally accountable for feeling hurt!!
there’s more in the way they’ve both treated me since he decided he was done with me, but my therapist and I are still parsing through it
turns out I probably don’t need to be taking Ativan twice a day and sleeping after work + all night bc of the high dosage, I just needed to start cutting out bad friends! my anxiety has never been more managed now that I’ve decided to listen to every other friend that’s told me these ones were all no good for me! I do need the anti-psychotics, though. I heard voices for 2 months and it was NOT a good time.
I didn’t have this much drama in my life ten years ago when we were actual children — the next time I start posting about liking a man, someone remind me that it brings me absolute misery. None of this would have happened if I hadn’t wanted to hop on his dick 🙄🙄🙄
#personal#tumblr is my petty platform and also my journal#but I’m serious about someone needing to remind me that men in a romantic context brings me nothing but trouble#the first time I’d been psychotic was a man’s fault too — I will NOT be happy if I have another episode#you might be wondering what the husband was doing about the affair accusations. the answer? needling me about my relationship to the other#we sat in the ER and I went from him saying sooooooooo you and [name]?#to then being kicked out of the room and the aide being like wow I bet you’re really glad this guy’s marriage is falling apart#also he was having an emotional affair with someone younger in his classes <3 so his wife SHOULDVE been worried#but not because of me who was CLEARLY trying to hop on this stupid emotionally unavailable dick and NOT her husbands#but now he has a girlfriend and doesn’t respond to my messages so what a giant waste of time lmao I didn’t even get to keep a friend in thi#there’s a lot of relief that we never slept together though. I don’t… think he wanted to but I sure did#if we had it would have hurt so much more when he dropped me#silver linings I guess#anyway the actual takeaway here is if you didn’t sustain interaction with them after graduation DONT reconnect#those doors closed for a reason#let them stay shut
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gotta stop infodumping to my mother because she always pulls faces and makes gagging sounds when im actually happy and talkative for once
#harrier's rambles#like okay sorry you cant get with the cool croatian old men in drag but you find it fine to support j*red leto. okay !#turning reblogs off cus the last time i vented about my infodumps being reacted to badly someone made it about them being quirky#ill kill you if you do that on my posts btw never piss off an unmedicated psychotic ogey love you
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—on the topic of psychotic Summers brothers, I only just caught up with six months of X-Men after stopping for six months the topic of Gabriel referring to the tags of my last X-Men post a month ago — but I was happy to see Scott's torture-induced psychosis didn't (definitively) turn out just to be that he'd calculated what others hadn't. Yes, the woman he'd accurately calculated would save him was Dr. Gregor, not Jean, but that doesn't change that he remained unsure if Jean was real (and thought she was alive) while the all-seeing Enigma knew on the contrary that Scott was delusional because Phoenix thus equally (an equivocation which casts further doubt of Scott's fiery visions ever being genuine, as Jean's dying mind had departed Scott well before Mother Righteous sacrificed Jean's dead fragmented self for Dominion, before Scott was tortured) Jean — were so utterly dead that Rachel and Hope had to cancel out death to reverse it. Yet Scott, hyper-vigilant traumatized autistic brain-damaged neurodivergent soldier that he is, seemingly accomplished all these strategic calculations while having a psychotic “break,” which is extremely in character for him—
#I know it still technically coulda been *intended* a shard of jeans unaware consciousness. mayhaps writers lost track with so many threads#but the narrative reads to me like Scotty is psychotic and as usual ignoring non-tactical distractions if they aren't actively impeding him#scott summers#and again- it wouldn't be like chronic psychosis (not just episodes) don't run in the Summers family (see: Gabriel)#it also wouldn't be like TBI doesn't often cause psychosis (“break” word only used by Dr Stasis' duressed psychiatrist anyways)#hence the “ ”. and lets not get it twisted- Scott can -at times- be v paranoid. which doesn't always work out for him#words by seaweed#the mini breakdown he has when he realizes Xavier is living people to the Orchis AIs in exchange for Krakoa *chefs kiss*#Scott is: 1) demonstrably hypervigilant 2) canonically traumatized 3) word-of-god autistic 4) canonically brain damaged#5) canonically neurodivergent bc TBI alone is neurodivergence according to someone I know with TBI#“Jean is the Phoenix and the Phoenix is Jean- now and forever. But they are like planets orbiting—#sometimes close- sometimes far away. In the time of the Phoenix’s birth they are as close as it gets.”#I have been IMMERSED UNDERWATER in x-men for days. im so relieved I caught up. now: reading six months of spidey comics!#I wanna see my overhated boy chasm#don't take this too seriously I know its just an interpretation. but it's one that Fall of the Powers of X left VERY open
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> “Yeah I just didn’t like the way smoking weed made me feel”
> feeling any emotional pain
> “god I wish I had some weed”
#eaii#it’s been months since I quit#I was basically mivrodosing weed and it was not helping the mild psychotic symptoms I was developing#but fuckkkkkkkkk#getting drunk is fine but I get hung over really easily#i need an edibles guy again#I want to Not Feel Like this#and I know that there are some dbt skills or whatever that I could be doing#but nothing beats smoking a fat one jerking offhand then passing out#my fwb message me and I want to go over#but if I do I’m going to start crying when he touches me (for want of human connection right now)#human connection despite literally not even knowing his name#i want to be in a relationship that’s good again#there is 1 viable candidate but itd be kind of weird for a lot of reasons namely that he’s younger than me (not drastically but still) and#we have all of the same friends rn. and like three guys this week professed their love to him and I’m not trying to be number four#my friends and I do the ironically overstating our relationship thing#‘I invited my beautiful husband [name]’#‘can I borrow your pen’ ‘yeah sure’ ‘dude are we about to make out right now’#and for most everyone it’s safely within the bounds of ironic jest#but with him it happens more often and with more sincerity than with anyone else#like he went with me to get smth from my car and on the way out we kept joking about how we were going to go have passionate sex in my car#and then he suggested that we trade clothes before we went back upstairs#you know. to imply that we had passionate sex#for this to work I would need to get over my Thing about dating other trans men#and also for all of our current social circumstances to be different
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the whole "trans men just have sexual trauma" thing absolutely infuriates me, as someone who was practically brainwashed into believing i was raped by conversion therapists as a kid.
i have been an obvious transsexual my entire life. i told everyone i was a boy. i was just told it was normal and nobody wants to be a girl. i told my mom i wanted a dick and balls and she said, "no you dont."
i was put in conversion therapy, diagnosed with autism, despite not having many of the symptoms, and put on Risperdal. an anti psychotic drug that was not meant to be used in children as young as i was, that also "just so happens" to cause out of control breast growth. (it also caused me to become obese and struggle with my weight for years even after i stopped taking it, despite never having weight problems before.)
therapists and my parents would constantly tell me that i was hiding something and try to hypnotize me into remembering it, i had no idea what it was, i was told something horrible happened to me and i had to remember it, i kept telling them i dont remember, and they told me i had memory problems. they kept telling me i had a memory locked away somewhere and i had to recover it, i had no idea what they meant by this.
i have no idea how to describe the way that i felt because of this. the feeling didnt go away when the therapy ended. it stayed with me for YEARS. my entire childhood and most of my teenage years i felt like i had a dark and evil secret that i couldnt even remember. it stuck with me, i didnt even know what it was. they marked me socially and mentally as a "rape victim" without it even happening, without me even understanding what they had done.
i didnt find out until i was a teenager that the therapists were telling my parents i had been raped. based on nothing. you know what happened in these therapy sessions? i played with animal toys and told the therapist i didnt want to go to school and that i wanted to be a boy. i told them i hated my name. and wanted to be called by a different name. they told me i had a deep dark secret i needed to remember and confess to them.
because marking me as someone who had been raped would emasculate me.
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