#i like music that makes me FEEL EMOTIONS
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What’s your favourite song?
okay ABSOLUTE favourite song is ‘Video Games by The Young Professionals’
BUT i am listing other songs that live in my head rent free because i can
Want Me - Baby Queen
Lemon Drop - Raynes
Baggage - Rare Americans
Wet Dream - Wet Leg
Rainbow Veins - Owl City
Lucid Dream - Owl City
If My Heart Was a House - Owl City
The Diving Bell - The Crane Wives
The Moon Will Sing - The Crane Wives
Counting Sheep - The Crane Wives
Sleeping Giants - The Crane Wives
Bitter Water - The Oh Hellos
FEEL - Delta Heavy
Stay - Delta Heavy
Kaleidoscope - Delta Heavy
All The Best - SIAMES
Grow Up - Simple Plan
No Light, No Light - Florence + The Machine
Cosmic Love - Florence + The Machine
Mountain Sound - Of Monsters and Men
Six Weeks - Of Monsters and Men
Don’t Blame Me - Taylor Swift
Paper Rings - Taylor Swift
Grande Finale - Studio Killers
Dirty Car - Studio Killers
REVIVED - Derivakat
The Fine Print - The Stupendium
Wool Over Our Eyes - The Stupendium
The Most Fashionable Faction - The Stupendium
#ask kandidandi#thatmooncake#sorry i went a bit crazy with the songs there#i wanted to add more#i love music#i like music that makes me FEEL EMOTIONS#STUFF THAT MAKES MY CHEST TIGHT AND MAKES ME SMILE UNCONSCIOUSLY
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girls who go 🧍
#(+ obligatory Fern Pout. i think it's the grumbly noise she makes that really sells it but i still had to draw it)#been thinking about this with melody for a while#& was inspired to throw fern in the mix when i saw her standing there like a telephone pole during her third exam#hunter x hunter#hxh#melody hxh#senritsu#sousou no frieren#fern frieren#(middle right is a manga panel redraw btw)#as much as i love dressing up melody in cute outfits & poses one thing i really love about her in canon is how a lot of the time#she's just kinda standing there in her signature potato sack dress#she wears dresses/feminine clothing but isn't really the “girly” type like bisky or palm#nor a Kickass Fight Girl™ but is still competent enough to participate in the plot#she values things like emotions music healing and protecting people without being “soft uwu Team Heart girl”#and not a mom/sister figure even with kacho or neon where she's in the position of protecting a younger girl#i know this word doesn't really mean anything but to my brain she's just *normal*#a depiction of femininity that i vibe with more than many others i guess#to some extent i feel that with fern too even if she's a bit more. well.#let's just say i spent two minutes in the fern tag and the amount of anime tiddies in there does not surprise me in the least
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okay so since the dbda soundtrack is out now, i can finally be insufferable about the things i've noticed by putting names and timestamps to them rather than just shouting nonsensically about them. this is excellent :D
as i already saw someone else point out, there is a section of running from hell / i'm in love with you beginning at roughly the 3:40 mark that has also played two other times in the show...
first, very quietly, at the end of episode 6 when edwin tried to confess the first time, and...
again in episode 8, when charles and edwin hugged (it's included in esther's origin / a new deal on the soundtrack)
i am Looking At This with very big eyes rn. blake neely and murat selçuk i am in your walls what does this mean
BUT ALSO. there is another section. that drives me just about insane. the only place i can find it in the SOUNDTRACK is in accepting being dead at the 3:10 mark... and it plays over the scene of charles dying/becoming a ghost in charles' flashback to edwin saving him at the start of episode 7. but it actually plays one other time in the show...
over edwin comforting charles and them hugging for the first time at the end of episode 5.
what does it MEANNNNNNNNN
#if anyone has noticed these sound bits anywhere else OR noticed any other neat patterns like this feel free to rb and add them#i am losing my goddamn mind#BOTH these sound bits make me so emotional every time i hear them they're so lovely#ugh if only i could actually include the sound clips im TALKING ABOUT but. idk how to do that#magpie thoughts#magpie watches dbd#dbda#dead boy detectives#dbda soundtrack#music#dead boy detective agency#payneland
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I’m sorry but nothing will ever beat Finn’s drive playlist that he made during s3 filming, with songs like Me and Michael, The Basement, Gay Thoughts and No Woman lmaoooo
#byler#stranger things#in all seriousness#finn has already confirmed he listens to music on the way to set to get in the zone for his character#millie and noah have said when asked that he’s the cast-member most likely to be listening to music on set#do I think every song on there is byler-coded? no#do I think he made it specifically for byler fans to witness and read into? no#but i do think there is a middle ground here#since byler is happening... yeah there are gonna be songs that get him in the zone for byler scenes#and yet there are also probably gonna be songs that he likes rn and wants to use to feel inspo for filming in general#aka plenty of songs just there for the way they sound/the vibes that get him more comfortable getting into character#but then again he also could have made the playlist private to avoid people reading into it#he’s known for years people have seen his playlists and hasn’t made those private either#so I don’t think he cares if ppl read into it#(at least for now...)#but fr that drive playlist still haunts me to this day#i remember when he mentioned listening to music to get in the zone for filming#he specifically mentioned that he listened to it when driving to set and ppl went crazy connecting it to his drive playlist lol#so i mean who knows#maybe he makes the names confusing/random but also sometimes with a hint of truth bc he knows people are gonna deny it or read into it#and he's playing with that possiblity#but i wouldn't die on that hill by any means.#but the drive playlist is why idrc if people read into the STurn one bc i mean....#yeah those songs that sound eerily like mike's emotions in regards to will probably are that way for a reason
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TOUCH in the lord of the rings: a musical tale.
(or: a demonstration of how the watermill's LOTR musical was the claspiest of shows. it's all about the hands!!!)
for the watermill anniversary creative celebration !
#LOTR musical#the lord of the rings: a musical tale#lord of the rings musical#gifs by me#i've included a mix of uh. emotions here#but the MVP is.....#boromir's thumb against aragorn's hand!!!#make some noise for boromir's thumb against aragorn's hand everybody. i am Feeling Things like i was actually losing it a bit#like boromir SIR are you trying to offer a comorting touch while you are Literally Expiring????? im on the floor im weeping and wailing#anyway i did use some audience video i found public on youtube link in the replies if you want to watch#now yes there are moments that i know about that i. could not gif and therefore not include but IYKYK innit
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Ok, the livestream of the Wisdom Saga broke me a little inside. And by a little, I mean a lot. Utterly. Entirely. And once I have all my thoughts together, expect a whole series of rants about every detail I managed to notice beyond the haze of my tears. But one realization I had was about Athena, Odysseus, and Telemachus.
Like many others, I thought it was hilarious that Athena would be up in arms defending Telemachus and openly calling him her friend when she knew Odysseus for much longer and was still in denial about their friendship. I thought there was something about Telemachus that was just more endearing to her, something that Odysseus lacked in character, in attitude, what have you. But with the release of the Wisdom Saga and all the reveals regarding so many of the unfinished little lyric blurbs we’ve heard before, one thing is clear: Athena would not be able to love Telemachus if not for Odysseus. Odysseus is the one who taught her what it is to have a friend. Odysseus is the one who held out his newborn son for her to hold, a privilege I doubt many had.
Without Odysseus, I honestly don’t think she would’ve given Telemachus a second glance. After all, she was searching for a warrior of the mind, and I don’t know that he would’ve lived up to even her prerequisite standards. Not worth the investment of her time, so to say. But because she does know Odysseus, because he showed her what it means to be more than a warrior of the mind, that there is more to life than walking alone, she changes.
She admits it. Odysseus is her friend. He is her friend, and she left him. And that acknowledgment brings her so much guilt she is unable to sleep at night. Guilt is not something she or any of the other Olympians would feel, especially not in relation to mortals. Why should they? Human lives are brief and meaningless. So for Athena to regret is not normal. Yet, she does.
She has learned humanity, and that is what leads her to Telemachus’ side. It is what allows her to cast aside old hurts and face up against Zeus to save Odysseus. It is what causes her to remember holding baby Telemachus in her arms all those years ago, and it is why that memory gives her the strength to persevere against her father’s onslaught.
It is why when she is on the ground, bloody and broken and beat, her last conscious words are used to beg for Odysseus’ freedom.
Her friend.
#tagamemnon#greek mythology#epic the musical#epic the wisdom saga#headcanon#odysseus#athena#telemachus#ok I’m sad now#like sadder than I already was in the wake of this saga#this isn’t a new take I’m sure#but I just thought I’d talk about it cus I’m getting all the feels over these blorbos#sorry for any mistakes#it’s past midnight and I’m so sleepy#but beings who are not accustomed to human emotion learning and growing makes me super soft and gooey inside so#here I am#cry with me
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the expendable child character is a narrative parallel to jinx reconciling her relationship with her sister and younger self. like i get not liking expendable child character but she does have an obvious narrative purpose outside of just being cutesy for sillies and then dying for sads. also she had like a cute hair dye montage and stuff man shit was tragic :( maybe im a braindead enjoyer of media trope slop but have you considered that shit was tragic
spoilersssss under da cut
hey have you considered that throwing a character in a show who barely has any personality or any inner world just for them to die because you KNOW theyre a cute kid that people will get attached to is uuuuuh cheap? like i fully understand why she exists, i get the parallels the show isnt subtle, they LITERALLY dye her hair blue and braid it, and she spends half her screen time being the symbol zaun wants jinx to be. how the fuck am i supposed to register her death as tragic when the writing was on the wall the moment she stepped on screen. how am i supposed to get attached to what is essentially a teddy bear filled with C4.
i dont like her bc the show knows how to write kids- violet, powder and mylo bounced off each other and the adults in their lives in such a natural way (excluding the other boy and ekko bc frankly they dont get enough screen time for me to judge them and the first guy was clearly doing double duty as comedic relief/oh wow another dead kid). i do not like child death as blatant manipulation, i do not like pretending that kid was a real and interesting character whos death i should be invested in, i do not like acting like recognizing what a show is doing is the same as them executing it well in any way. i understand CONCEPTUALLY why jinx likes her, omg the baby is just like me fr, they spell it out by having her look at the camera and go wow you remind me of powder who is who i used to be but then bad shit happened but youre cool, but thats not the same as like. building a bond with them, a rapport, shes just kind of this amusing Thing jinx has around and doesnt really care about outside of "kids dying is bad"
finally, do not do that fucking thing where youre like "oh well maybe i just like shitty poopoo tropes but i thought it was pretty good 🥺" how the fuck am i supposed to respond to that. im not like, upset at arcane for fun i like it when stories are told well and get frustrated when the pieces are there and just never connected. i feel like this show has reached a breaking point with how many people it can take from her without it meaning anything after a certain point. half the time its not even her fault it just kind of happens to her in some greek tragedy twist of fate, shes not allowed to have good things and instead of it being like, a conversation about children of war and how unfair shit is dropped on their heads constantly, jinxs motivations and energy is only tangentially related to zauns sovereignty movement.
theyre so like. fixated on her having this overly unserious attitude about everything around her, and i get its a coping thing to distance herself but it RARELY lets up during pivotal moments. its like a story is happening to her rather than her actively contributing- the people would have been taken to stillwater whether she was at the rally or not- sevika would have figured out a way inside that building with or without jinx, they did not escape stillwater thanks to her ingenuity, but because that guy summoned a big ass zombie werewolf who happened to also be her father. the ONLY reason she goes to that building is bc thats where the baby is, i dont think isha as a symbol of the inner child, was inspiring jinx to be a good person, shes just like, a creature of convenience. i guess while im here i can let you guys out or whatever. and what does it mean when that inner child, the living embodiment of whatever goodness and innocence may still exist in jinxs heart, is ripped away from her in a violent explosion exactly the same way as last time? she did the opposite of what vi did last time and the outcome was identical. is history repeating itself, will jinx change? is there any change that can happen that will negate the absolutely comical amount of bad shit that happens to her? this show does not in any way give me the confidence to believe that will happen
basically i think jinxs development thus far is repetitive and gives very little consideration to her as a character rather than an archetype, and isha suffers greatly for it. why show a relationship when you can simply imply it? why make the child any harder for jinx and the audience to project on? why does she need a history, or goals or any interests that arent a giant blue flag that shes powder 2
#arcane#arcane spoilers#gun to my head#there could have been a very simple scene where jinx catches uuh isha sneaking back in from pretending to be her#and shes doing a bit where she pretends shes gonna be mad like violet but quickly drops it when she sees how upset da baby is#and like. levels with her. hey im not gonna yell at you i know you wanted to help. i will never stop you from trying to help#smash cut to the last episode where. jinx very desperately needs that kid to stop helping#or even just like. jinx talkign with isha post prison break#like hey that kid snuck out and got herself into trouble do you have any reaction to that that isnt like. deadpool dialogue#for me its like#no better when stranger things puts a guy on screen for a new season#and goes awww you like that guy? you like him a lot? hes silly?#and then brutally murder him so everyone screams and wails#bob alexei eddie they had like. an IMPLIED reason to exist. but theyre rather auxiliary and their deaths are so brutal and sudden so the#cast kind of has something to feel bad about but never actually unpack#head in my hands i just think really big emotional pivots for characters shouldnt be done through a minute long over edited musical scene#thats more about making you feel sad then conveying new information#wow those two loved their mom thats craaaaaazy i would have never guessed. fuck their dad tho ig lmao#asks#Anonymous
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MAN I'm seriously so sad about season 2. Bc I wish act 2 had the same emotional impact on me as it appears to have on so many others. But rn I'm just somewhere between unable to care and actively annoyed by some of those writing decisions. Seriously the more I think about it the less I like it.
#act 3 come through please 🙏#I don't think it can salvage some of the things I have contentions with but still... please...#don't ask me about the silco vander flashback with jinxs + vis mom#or the bizzare choice to do so much of the storytelling through this weird music video format they've got going on#completely stripping it of the weight these plot beats could've had if they were... normal scenes#and also missing the point of how the music was used in season 1 and what made it so effective#bc it was complementary to instead of replacing the storytelling#seriously don't ask me about these things I will spontaneously implode on the spot#whyyyyy would they recontextualize season 1 like this with that flashback#to me it kind of ruins the character dynamics and themes in s1. it just makes me so sad you have no idea#also what even are they doing with Jinx rn for real#aaarghhhh just... so many things that are making me scratch my head#also I'm so terribly sorry but I could not care less about Isha sorry lol#like i get that its sad conceptually but she was such a non-character that i struggle to feel impacted at all#same with sky tbh. i thought her role in s1 was alright but there is so much emotional weight put on her now#in terms of her relationship to Viktor but that was barely established so it's weird to have her around#and clearly you're supposed to care but they haven't given me much reason to#isha and sky were non-characters just there to die to further the development of other characters#they didn't really have anything going on on their own and that's just a type of character and plot device that does nothing for me#also i thought the war between zaun and piltover + internal struggles in zaun bc silcos gone would be the main focus#but that stuff seems so sidetracked rn#also sorry i dont like what they did with vander and warwick either. that man should've stayed dead lol#it honestly just makes his death feel less impactful and i dont know what this is supposed to do for the story or the themes???#that just feels like a pointless plotline that is taking up time that could've been spent on other things#i just... i could go on like this for a while like there are so many things that just puzzle me#it's so weird considering how tight and thematically consistent season 1 was#let's see where act 3 goes but... i kinda have a bad feeling about it ngl#obv im glad others are enjoying it and this is just my opinion! also a lot of this are probs just my personal tastes anyway#arcane spoilers
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how did u learn to paint?? like i just cant wrap my head around it
<3 I love answering asks like this!
You will have to bare with me, I don't save many of my studies, and my files aren't that organized so I don't have as many images as I would like.
The studies I've found most helpful for myself personally with painting are various master studies. (This is also, as always, alongside study of fundamentals.) And always follow a study with self-critique (and, if you can get it, outside critique!)
"Master" in this sense means anyone who you want to learn something from.
One way you can do this is by copying an artist's work directly. This is to try and understand some of their stylistic techniques. Leyendecker, Andrew Loomis, and John Singer Sargent are personal favorites of mine! I try to keep these quick, I'm not trying to get an exact copy.
I also get a lot out of copying photos. In this case, I'm not trying to glean some technique, rather, I'm trying to interpret the photo and explore my own stylizations.
(photo credit mountain men of alaska )
I also really enjoy taking a painting or piece that already exists, and making it "mine" by putting my characters in it haha, which is sort of a combination of master studies and photo studies!
(William Bruce Ellis - Covent Garden (1930)) (Barberini Faun)
And then, in my work that's not a study at all, I'm informed by all of these!
What master studies do is help me refine my style and practice my technique, but also I'm communicating with artists of the past through my art! They're teaching me! And I have so much to learn.
And of course... most importantly... I paint.
a lot.
I don't do as much study anymore, not because I feel I've learned all I need to, but because for work I draw 50+ drawings a week. 'Drawing for work' and 'study' occupy the same space in my brain and I need some fun drawing time!
So to sum up, draw a lot, reference constantly, and copy the people you want to draw more like!
(and, of course, when doing a study off of someone else's work, always give them credit. If it's your photos there's no need.)
#I really tried to pare this one down cause it got LONG#as always I am more than happy to delve deeper into any of these particular points!#I'm always always always happy to explain as much of my process as possible#and I'd love to pass off some of my knowledge to others!#I love to see people creating art and want to do anything I can to help empower people to do so more#I love you mwa mwa mwa#asks#edsheerankinnie#art tips#painting tips#I pretty much wear my influences on my sleeve#like I don't care#I honestly get so so so excited about art I'm like shaking a little#like oh my god#we get to MAKE Things#we get to sit down and through the power of our own hands we get to CREATE#and I get to access the knowledge of humanity. throughout history#I get to reach my hand out and have people who are long gone pass their knowledge on to me.#like come on. that's unreal...#at some point you will unlock this feeling if you let yourself#the feeling of connection over centuries#when you hear michelangelo was so shocked by the lifelike nature of his own sculpture he threw his chisel at it to see if it would move#when you see rockwell's love for simple moments between normal people#when you see cave paintings of a woman and you know she was loved.#you get to fucking connect#and feel human#and it's really special#and it's why I think everyone should draw. everyone should draw a LITTLE#music too#augh I'm emotional
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jd is so main chorus of mother mother song explode.
‘when i die (when i die) i’ll let go (i’ll let go) but in my life (in my life) i’ll hold on until there’s nothing left to hold and then, y’know. I’ll just explode.’
THIS IS SO REAL…. i think ive only associated one song with J.D an its Caving In by Kimya Dawson . this song actually makes me crazy i drew ths frantic analysis(?) on march 3rd because i needed to get it out. I have an actual better made analysis i made also on MSPaint but im putting this one here for now :3
AND “CAVING IN” BEING THE TITLE IS SO PERFECT THINKING ABOUT THE JOHN DORY FIC😭😭😭 everything comes bakc to his quick and concise guide to survival…
#Kimya Dawson songs actually make me cray#her music mean the world to me!!!!!!#ths ms paint was just me spouting my john dory thoughts#every lyric in ths song fits SO well#sorry im associating ur emotional song with a trolls character kimya dawson#trolls john dory#john dory#man i feel like i made these drawings sooo long ago and then its just. the beginning of the month#ask
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all the discworld novels i've read thus far "ranked"
#me.txt#discworld#tiers explained from top to bottom:#1. iykyk. novels that rattle around like billiard balls#2. novels that made me experience the full range of human emotion. thoroughly enjoyed all of these#3. two thumbs up! i had a good time! good book!#4. the man was confused. books i had trouble following or came out the other side feeling rather neutral about.#5. this book sure is... interesting#obviously these are not truly ranked- like i loved pyramids and mort but like. did they make me cry like monstrous regiment did? no#if i really had to choose my faves i'd have to say the light fantastic / monstrous regiment / small gods / reaper man / guards guards#honorable mentions sourcery and soul music (and the end of pyramids holy shit)
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The fact that I've listened to Euclid HUNDREDS of times but it can still randomly hit just right and make me cry tho
#its such a gut punch /pos after the absolute journey of the rest of the album and its so pretty#its so optimistic despite some of the dark lyrics in it and it just resonates with me so much#it really feels like the musical equivalent of that point in recovery where you go 'FUCK IT IM GONNA AT LEAST *TRY* TO BE HAPPY'#and that's such a huge step when you've been that low and don't feel like you deserve it#it makes me so emotional bc ive been there and I know how much that step means#that song is probably the entire reason that one of our alters resurfaced as Vessel#sleep token#sleep token tmbte
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i am relistening to the stereo shows and im so obsessed with the dynamic of Dan just saying shit and trying to be insightful while phil does not care at all. like you can hear phil just staring out into the distance thinking about rolling around with a pile of dogs
#dan ‘bi people are allowed to say gay and words don’t need so much meaning and i just think’ Phil (not listening) ‘yeah’#dan has so much to say and phils heard it all#anyways. live gamingmas 🤞#also. i often have very deep emotional connections to sounds/music and i can remember when i was when i first heard that music#or if there was an emotional time going on#so i am listening to these and feel like im sitting on the train going to uni. makes me miss some people from early 2021 :’)
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five stages of grief but it’s five stages of social anxiety
#walk with me#this morning i got a bouquet delivered to me at work randomly out of nowhere#the note basically said that i could count of the person even if for just some words of advice or a gesture that could make me laugh or mad#count on the person**#i immediately knew it’s from one of my coworkers and ngl i have a very charged?? relationship with them#in the sense that it’s very intense and we can be laughing joking and teasing or we can be really angry and pissed with each other#it can have very extreme emotions even if we just chill most of the time#idk why i think this whole year i’ve been leaning on them more?? and we started texting more often too#so we’ve been more properly friends lately#and for one i was SO EMBARRASSED for getting flowers bc my coworkers tease the shit out of everyone myself included and i’m not used to#gestures like that so obviously they were on my ass all day about it#and everyone asked about them and it’s EMBARRASSING to get that much attention#(me: i wanna be a singer / also me: can’t stand to be the center of attention)#anyway the person that sent them avoided me yesterday out of nowhere??? idk if they thought i was mad bc i didn’t reply to their texts all#weekend but i literally never reply to anyone and pms was a bitch and i just wanted to be alone#so they didn’t talk to me on monday i was mostly just working listening to music bc i was still emotional whatever#and today i did talk to my other coworkers bc it’s the day when my favorite coworker comes in and i talk to them a lot so i engaged more#and they were still ignoring me and then the flowers came in and we didn’t say a single word to each other today we just texted#they told me they sent them and that ‘they forgot’ what they sent and that it was just meant to be a nice gesture#and that bc they wanted to ‘surprise’ me and make me feel better bc i said i was sad at one point?? idek#i literally just want to tell them I HAD PMS ITS FINE I FEEL SUICIDAL ALL THE TIME and move on#bc now i’m second guessing everything they’re saying bc i thought we were friends and there’s no reason why friends can’t send each other#flowers or whatever but they’ve been avoiding me and then they keep answering my texts really weirdly and i always misinterpret flirting bc#i’m never outright romantic with anyone?? plus we’re FRIENDS i should have no reason to think that’s changed#but they’re being so weird and why get me FLOWERS??? idk get me a chocolate or a coffee i don’t NEED flowers#and then i said it was random to give me flowers out of nowhere and they’re like no it’s serious bro what’s serious??????#your feelings towards me?? or just your will to cheer me up???#if they don’t reply straight up in their next texts i’m gonna flat out say but it was a platonic gesture right???#so yeah i’m overthink getting flowers bc what’s the social code for that and what is one supposed to do when they get flowers from a friend#delivered to their joint workplace where everyone can see them and think they’re from a partner or something
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"We can get through this by working together, reach out to your friends, community is all we have, a social network will be your security in the world, now is the time to lean on others!"
I do agree, and it's scientifically sound (pretty sure there is data about how people with better social networks live longer and etc) but also....augh..... what about the severe social issues, difficulty to leave the house, physical issues which lead to like zero socialization energy a majority of the time, etc. etc. Social support can be a replacement for structural support, but.. I guess I just wish it didn't have to be. Community is extremely difficult to build, even moreso if you're someone who has issues with social cues or group conversations or even just being around others in the first place. And blah, nuance, of course I'm just complaining or maybe being too negative or maybe misunderstanding, but, I hardly have the energy to brush my hair once every 2 months.. how am I supposed to maintain a wide social network and be active in a Community and Join Groups lol... sometimes it kind of feels like "er.. well if thats my only option then...... ruh roh". It's overwhelming
#Kind of like some post I saw a long time ago talking about how even the meanest shittiest most difficult to get along with#elderly people or whaever still deserve to have some sort of systems in place to support them so they're not just relying on the#grace of relatives or etc. who may not be able to deal with them. Not saying that I'm like mean and cruel or anything#but the fact of the matter is in most social situations either I am compromising or the other person is. Not in like an ~`ouuu im so weirdd#nobody willever understand my quirky swagg hee heee~' way but like a.. Just factually the things that make me happy and comfortable#are often incompatible with people. The way I communicate and process things is different from the way other people do and that#is always a barrier. I cannot have ''easy''' interactions. Even with 'understanding' people there is nearly always a significant#amount of effort. You can't walk into a group of people and then be like ''okay you guys all have to wear#masks and you also cant play music too loud and also we should communicate turns of speaking very clearly so group conversations#arent too stressful. and also i need this and that and we have to do this and that and '' etc. etc. You CAN. And some people will#go along with that. but they will ALWAYS secretly resent you for it. You will be the one person they're relieved to not have to be around.#theyre glad when you dont show up since they can go back to doing things however they want and not masking and all these boring#annoying things. OR you can say none of that and just deal with the loud music and the talking and the unmasked people. but then#YOU'RE compromising. and no matter how nice they are it's exhausting to be around and youre just further alienated#while in the presence of people and uncofmrtoabel the whole time.#Which I'm not saying the only form of community is a group setting specificially but just giving that as an example lol#I just wish there were a better option than ''well learn to socialize normally or just suffer then'' . Which I know is not what people are#saying. I guess I just always feel a bit scared when 'community is the answer'. Since its not like 'oh im just socially anxious and need to#get out of my shell~!' or something thats really that remedy-able. It's like.. my mostly unchangeable physical health issues combined#with the mostly unchangable literal way that my brain processes sensory informationand other things means that interacting with#others in a normal and easy way is incredibly difficult and often exhausting especially to maintain in any longform fashion. So then#when it's like ''the answer to staying safe is to maintain longform social connections!! :3 just reach out!!'' then.. ermm... O_O#also I'm not even one of the cutesy shy emotional hermits that's nervous. I'm the Bad Stereotype emotionless robotic cold seeming#looms in the corner of the room type of thing so people have less pity on you in that way. -_- ANYWAY gghj#I need like.. a designated social representative or something.. When I did work in that bookshop forever ago they gave me a#person who basically was just with me to help communicate with others on my behalf and supervise me and stuff. I need that.. Some#more extraverted person I can latch onto and they can maintain the Social Support Network for me and I can just be their +1 to all#of the Social Things and community. I have helpful skills I can contribute to other people and stuff it's just like.. I cant socialize lol#I cook food or something for you.. then you keep me in contact with Community.. a deal. (but then what about when I'm too sick to#contribute? as is often the case. there's not much place for people like me in communities sometimes i fear.. sigh.) ***
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"This was never gonna last forever." // "But if there's even a chance at bringing her back, then it's worth it, right?"
🎥: @bikinibottomdayz
#the notebook musical#liam oh#justin#fin#i like carson fine... i just miss him#i thought he was pretty great at balancing the comedy and emotional stuff#it's fun that he plays a slightly cocky sassy and protective character and a seemingly naive really dorky and kind-hearted in the same show#side note: why would they keep changing his name?? justin/johnny... whatever-your-name-is#theatreedit#musicaltheatreedit#sigh... why'd they get rid of the good-looking covers for young noah and middle noah? /hj#(idk if he and omar were young and middle noah covers tbh)#thank you to that person who informed me that they changed his name to honor john beasley... i feel like a dick now :(#i especially love the way he delivers ''it has been KILLING him... all this sneaking around''#like he is not just angry at her... he HATES her for making his best friend and brother feel that way and he couldn't help but spit that ou#also no shade to carson but the way he delivers his lines feels less exaggerated and more natural more times than not? idk
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