#an honest conversation between two characters that expresses their emotional investment in each other is what will make me care

[mulders-too-large-shirt]

s5 episode 20 thoughts

last episode of the season!!!

things have seemed… tense lately between my best friends mulder and scully. i hope they can work it out. 

anyway, it says here that there is a boy with psychic powers… another child case. they deal with these so often!!!

but maybe he can unlock the secrets of the x files?? how?? i guess i will have to tune in!

post-episode thoughts: scully, i want to hug you. CSM, count your days. destroying information is a crime in my realm, and it will be punished with banishment. mulder, you need to learn how to talk about your feelings. i am no longer suggesting this politely. it must be done. now. skinner, you are the star on top of my metaphorical christmas tree. spender, my feelings towards you are pretty neutral.

we begin in vancouver, where a chess tournament is going on between a grown man and a child. there is a very large crowd and a guy who seems to be up to no good in the ceiling. 

the kid hears voices in his head as this sniper loads up a bullet… can he figure out what is about to happen?? but the voices just sound like weird noises!!!

noooo, don’t kill this little boy!!! he wins just in time, stands up, and the bullet hits the other guy!!! 

so he knew it was going to happen and won just in time to stand up…

leave this little boy alone!! don’t piss me off!!!

OHHH shortened intro AND new words on the screen today… “THE END” <- now there is a movie coming up shortly so i KNOW this is a lie!!!

i am preparing myself for some sort of cliffhanger….

ohohoho kryek is here today, according to the “guest starting” list…. getting ready for some rat-like activities

CSM is buttoning up his shirt as some people arrive upon his frosty property. they have guns… and his alarms are going off… 

BLAM! he shoots one man dead right then and there!! you really cannot underestimate this guy!!! unless we’re talking about his abilities to write fiction!!!

so he’s running barefoot into the snow??? yowch! bloody feet!

the guy in the mask catches him! OH SHIT! IT’S KRYCEK!! “go on! take your shot, alex” <- HOT DAMN! not the first name usage!

he says he was sent to being CSM back…….. by whomst?

there is a sticky note on mulder’s poster. i can’t tell what it says!

OH mulder has a picture of him and scully pinned to his board🥹that's fine that's super fine and i'm not gonna cry!

it’s skinner poking around their office!!! what is he doing down here??

HE WANTS TO KNOW MULDER’S LONG TERM PLANS?! and mulder says they’re right in his hands, referring to the x files

skinner loves his most special and difficult agents. it's true!

“what do you hope to find? i mean, in the end” (mulder looks at skinner suspiciously) “whatever i hope to find is in here. and maybe i’ll know when i find it”

now what is going on…..? something is afoot. somehow i doubt skinner just got randomly curious and started reading through the x files for the funsies.

skinner has a case for him: the assassination of a russian chess player. and agent spender was put in charge of the case by someone from OUTSIDE the bureau!! oh, that must be what has skinner so freaked out. who tf is just putting people in charge of cases?

(i mean, we, the audience, know the answer to this. but if i were skinner, i would be deeply uncomfy at the thought)

“he was very specific that you be excluded” (mulder smiles) lmaoooo

skinner's messy for that!!! and i giggled!!!

BAHAHA scully is in the room listening to spender debrief, and when mulder walks in, spender looks SO mad!! “please continue”, mulder says, after spender gets so caught off guard by seeing him that he literally cannot finish his sentence

you can try to separate mulder and scully, but the universe will find a way to reunite them. like a bonded pair of kitties. 

mulder asks him to rewind the tape and spender says basically no LMAOOO

“let me get through this, if you have any questions, we can talk later” “i-i don’t have any questions, no, i just think you’re wrong” <- LMAOOOOOO i’m at once giggling and cringing in second hand embarrassment 

mulder hates this dude, i'm crying!!!!

scully asks wtf mulder is doing, and he explains he thinks the killer was aiming for the boy!! spender reluctantly does rewind the tape, and mulder points out that the kid pushes back right before the bullet is fired. 

who is this random lady agreeing with mulder that the kid could sense the bullet coming…? he looks utterly shocked to hear her say this!!

and skinner says rewind it again so we can all see for ourselves LMAO everyone hates this spender mfer

(listen. sorry to this man, but i think it would also piss me off if some random guy got put in charge of an investigation because outside forces decreed it to be so)

sure enough, when spender rewinds the tape, the kid looks right at the camera!!! mulder turns to this random woman again in amazement 

meanwhile, krycek is bringing CSM back to the syndicate on a random side street. OH SHIT!! CSM calls them out right then and there for trying to kill him LMAOOO

that had to be awkward as hell! i'm giggling

CSM moves on from that pretty fast. he seems like the type to hold grudges, so perhaps this is part of his secret plot for revenge.

the well-groomed man (and i know that isn’t his name, but i can’t remember what it actually is, and when i tried to google it last time i got spoilers so: to me, he is WGM) says: the boy is a problem to us!! and i say: leave him alone!! let him play chess!!

CSM offers to kill the kid and well-groomed man says ��dear god”... umm, well y’all were just trying to do that, so why now are we getting squeamish...!!!

this other dude is called “first elder” by the subtitles! good to know

CSM says he’ll do it… and walks off.

so this lady that was sticking up for mulder is named agent fowley, and scully is making polite small talk as mulder drives them... somewhere. she requested reassignment. hmm…

“1991, that’s about when you started work on the x files”, scully points out. “more or less, yeah”, mulder says. and does not elaborate.

(long lingering eye contact between mulder and fowley)

now… is this woman who i think she is……?

the boy (named gibson) is watching the simpsons. OH SHIT!!! “my name is fox… this is dana and diana”

SHE IS WHO I THOUGHT SHE WAS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

oh man. oh man. okay, so i know a tiny bit about this. going bonkers rn.

what i DO know is enough to realize that diana is a controversial topic among the fandom, but i vow to speak my truth. as i always do. and i hope you will treat me with the grace you typically have afforded me.

gibson says he lives in the philippines, that mulder has a dirty mind, and he does NOT want to play any chess. yes, he truly is a psychic.

scully is like wtf is he going on about…. and mulder accuses the boy of being able to read minds

“i know what’s on your mind. i know you’re thinking about one of the girls you brought” (mildly amused scully look) “one of them’s thinking about you”

diana laughs and asks which one… gibson says mulder doesn’t want him to say.

(shakes head) hey! what’s going on?

mulder declares that gibson needs around the clock protection

oh, a canon-typical fight in the hallway between our agents on if this is possible or not… diana is listening in…. “you know what to do, diana”, mulder says before leaving <- hey. i don’t like that. the tone with which he speaks nor the implication of there being some pre-scully lilith-like figure.

“so you two know each other”, scully points out. “it was along time ago” (long lingering scully glance)

OHHHH spender is NOT letting mulder talk to the assassin… “you’re insulting me when you should be taking notes”, he says <- DAMN!!! the ego on this man! he isn't entirely wrong, but there is no humility about him!

he pushes past spender and gets into the cell, where the shooter claims spender hasn’t given him food or water. mulder orders him off to go get some. 

ohhh he’s playing hardball… he tells the dude that he’ll tell spender he fessed up to the kid being psychic… and if he cooperates with him, maybe he can get him into the witness protection program… does mulder hold this kind of influence?

mulder steals the food that was being brought for him. mulder! you're being a dick! on many fronts!

AWWW, scully and gibson are holding hands as she walks him down the hall :( he didn’t like the tests! poor kid! and he says scully’s wondering about “that other girl” and “she’s wondering about you, too” 

hey…. i get the sense we are pitting two bad bitches against each other via this little boy's mind reading. not a narrative choice i am fond of.

now a group of people are testing gibson for psychic abilities by holding up cards only they can see.

diana says she’s seen clairvoyants, but never of this skill level. she says she spent time with mulder is psychiatric hospitals?? scully.exe is not working 

she has to leave because she is weirded tf out…

(i don't blame her, though. i would also be very weirded out if my partner of 5 years had another partner he very evidently has a history with and never bothered to mention until she suddenly materialized. if i were scully, i'd be like hey mulder... remember all those times i tended to your wounds and held your sobbing body and broke the law for you? yeah, that was super cool. i love how we trust each other. anyway, wtf else are you hiding from me?)

((and i'm not saying that is necessarily the RIGHT or RATIONAL thing to feel, but c'mon. you can't look at me and tell me you wouldn't also be equal parts stung and curious))

shooter guy is being handed a note. it’s on a cigarette pack!!! and it says "you’re a dead man"!!! oh brother... not the CSM on the loose! how is he getting into these buildings still?!?!

LMAOOO???? WHAT IS SCULLY DOING WITH FROHIKE?!?!

look at her looking up into his camera system... she is just so PRETTY!!

bro is in his pajamas and has an absurd number of locks on his door. and i'm giggling!

she’s bringing the whole crew scans of gibson’s brain!! “and you want us to what?” “analyze the data. with an eye to the parapsychological” <- OHHH they’re gagged by that... and i am too! scully opening herself up to extreme possibilities?! or simply trying to anticipate and counter mulder's argument in favor of the kid's clairvoyance?

OHHHH.... SHE WANTS TO KNOW WHO TF DIANA IS LMAOOOOO 

i can’t tell if she’s jealous, or nosy, or both. but i can tell you that i love when scully is nosy. 

frohike says she was mulder’s “chickadee” (LMAO, crazy phrasing) out of the academy. she was with him when he discovered the x files. and she has some sort of background in parascience. whatever that means.

NOOOOO scully looks so sad 💔💔💔 MULDER, DON’T HIDE THINGS FROM HER!!! SHE’LL CRY

stop. stop!!!

gibson is watching cartoons while diana watches him. and here comes mulder. OH, she called him fox. don’t like that. i thought he was adamantly anti-being referred to as fox! is that a development from the past 5 years, or does she not care about what he thinks?

“i sense you could have used an ally, though- someone who thinks like you, with some background” HEY. WATCH HOW YOU TALK ABOUT SCULLY!!!

“oh, you mean scully?” now is that defensiveness i see in his eyes? he doesn’t sound like he’s laughing.

“she’s not what i’d call an open mind on the subject” <- well, diana, you don’t even know her!!! and just because you're right doesn't mean you should go around judging her!

he laughs, but it doesn’t feel like he really means it….

(i was trying to psychoanalyze everything in this godforsaken scene and i had NO idea what the vibe actually was LMAOOOO)

“she’s a, uh… she’s a scientist. she just makes me work for everything” <- HEY!!! what happened to her being “rigid, but in a wonderful way”??? defend her honor in her absence!

“yes, but i’m… i’m sure there were times when two like minds on a case would have been advantageous” <- well girl, from what i've heard, it sounds like you left and went to germany!

“i’ve done okay without you” okay. are we setting boundaries now? is this progress?

NO. it does not appear that this is the case. she is grabbing his hand. “hey. i’m on your side” side eye. from me. sounds like she is implying scully is NOT on his side, which i loathe. and please don’t kiss... i don’t want to see all that. 

where is scully going….? OH NO!!! she walked by and saw them holding hands!!

oh my god, she is leaving….. and i don’t blame her!!

the sad music!!!! stop!!!!! look at her sadly getting in her car!!!!! sadly staring at the wheel!!! sadly buckling up!!!! 

she sounds like she’s going to cry as she calls mulder and says she wants to show him something. and she doesn't want to show it to him there.

now why is agent spender rolling up as she heads out?! we have enough problems to deal with at this time that aren’t him!!!

OH SHIT!!! CSM IS TALKING TO HIM!!!! saying he gave him the case!!!!

he’s trying to give him some fatherly advice despite the fact this dude has no idea they are related. “you’re a bright boy” okay… well that is certainly an avuncular thing to say. perhaps uncomfortably so when coming from a guy you literally just met. “know which men to sacrifice and when” <- now that's some standard CSM advice.

OH SHIT!!!!!!! MULDER SEES HIM!! CSM retreats into the shadows. “i was told he was dead”, mulder pants. “well obviously whoever it is, he’s not” spender has literally no idea who tf this guy is………..

(laughing even harder at his response as i edit my notes. spender must think this mulder fellow is the weirdest dude alive)

i’m kinda laughing, because spender has no idea wtf is going on, while mulder’s world just got rocked upside down and inside out. that’s the devil that killed his dad and took his scully and killed scully’s sister!!! he thought the evil was defeated and it is back!!! poor spender is just here to chat with a stranger. he truly doesn't know anything about the situation! it's comical!

scully and mulder and all of spender’s team are in skinner’s office!!! she has the brain test results from gibson… and she is finding the results hard to believe…

something something about him having intense brain activity in the god something or other. maybe he is the next einstein??? well, that would be cool! yeah, get the little boy into nuclear physics!

but mulder thinks that maybe this intense brain activity will allow him to also explain all sorts of unexplained phenomena. 

i guess i can see the correlation between intense brain activity and psychic abilities, but how will it let him explore the jersey devil?

mulder proposes giving the killer immunity to explain wtf is going on, which spender immediately shoots down: “you want to give a murderer a free ride for the secrets to the pyramids?” <- well that is an oversimplification!

ANGRY SCULLY!!! “you mischaracterize what i’ve said” <- GET HIM AGAIN FOR ME!! “this would be quantifiable scientific proof of everything that agent mulder and i have investigated over the past five years”

i don’t really see the correlation from a plot perspective but okay ❤️ yay ❤️

oh diana, i am suspicious of you…. “how do you quantify the spiritual? it can’t be done. you ask for immunity for a killer on that basis, the attorney general’s gonna go off. you’re allowed to investigate the x files as an indulgence. but draw the wrong kind of attention and they’ll close you down”

okay………… rude. but not necessarily wrong. in fact, she seems quite right, at least about the attorney general shutting down the case part. clearly, some levels of spirituality can be quantified if the results show up on brain scans; scully will use science to find a way. scully glances at mulder, who is staring at diana

“put an end to all your work. something i happen to have an interest in myself” WELL NO ONE ASKED???? girl! it isn't your project!!

perhaps i am the one who will need immunity from the attorney general as i bravely ask the question i am thinking: am i bad feminist, or is diana supposed to piss me off?

scully’s watching mulder stare at diana……. skinner says, everyone go take a break. but you may absolutely NOT leave my office, mulder. 

he says that diana is right. if they poke around too much they’ll get shut down- but mulder is willing to risk it!!!!!

“if what agent scully’s found is true- and i have every reason to believe that it is- then the answers i might have spent a lifetime searching for may fall together like a million puzzle pieces” <- OHH!! FAITH IN SCULLY!! FAITH IN SCULLY GIVING HIM THE TRUTH!

“you’d risk the x files?”, asks skinner.

“how soon can you call the attorney general?” 

so, there is your answer.

mulder is always having some sort of power struggle with skinner. hey. can mulder, buddy. can we use a "please" and "thank you" every now and then? your old pal skinner has put up with a LOT of your nonsense!

bro is in his cranky era.

ohhhh, so he goes and tell the shooter that he gave his request for immunity, but the attorney general needs more information before she can make a decision… “i need answers from you” UH OH!! will he have them before CSM breaks in? because we know he is stalking his prey!

he says the kid is a missing link; he’s genetic proof. spender wants to know of what, and this is very convenient, because so do i. so he thinks the kid is part alien….. spender is heckling him for this. but CSM is on the prowl… we don't have time for interpersonal conflict!

(so, maybe he's part alien but distantly? or maybe they made one of the alien hybrids like emily, but this one didn't die? why did emily die, again? because we know there are plenty others of the alien hybrids because they had that whole bit about saving "their mothers" back in... i think it was s3? maybe a bunch of them, like emily, die, but some of them do survive, and gibson is a son of the half alien? so he is a quarter alien? or maybe he is from a different alien race?

everything is a bit foggy when it comes to mytharc, i suppose. i guess it all comes down to the writers wanting to torture my best friend agent scully)

well-groomed man and krycek pull up to heckle CSM, which is an important part of their job description. they’re saying he failed them, but CSM says it’s all part of the plan. take their pieces one by one. 

hey, you’re gonna kill the kid, aren’t you?

at least JFK was a grown man!!!

do you think he bulk ordered the cigarettes from like, the cigarette equivalent of sam’s club, and had them sent to his snowy canadian hideaway? i mean, the number he goes through, it should have raised some red flags for the people trying to find him!

scully is watching the boy watch cartoons. she is pondering. 

“how do you do it?” “i just hear you thinking… like on a radio. and sometimes there are lots of radios, and i want to shut them off and watch some TV” <- you know what, that is entirely understandably.

gibson says that scully doesn’t care what other people think… “except for her. the other one”

is she trying to impress diana…..? has she moved beyond vying for people's approval after the horrors of cancer and emily, or is it manifesting in a new way as she hopes this mysterious figure from mulder's past will approve of her? does she think that if diana likes her, mulder will let her in about his past? does she feel a solidarity despite their differences in belief because of the fact they are both women in a male-dominated field?

the implications... i must explore them.

ah. and in diana comes. 

scully says they’ll talk about that stuff later. queen of knowing the time and place to have a debrief. and he says “they want to kill me” OHHH poor little gibson :( just let him watch cartoons!

scully promises no one will hurt him :( and he says “i know you do" :(

is diana going to kill the kid…..?

(author's note: LMAO!! listen... i thought they were going with the double agent angle for about 2 minutes. in my defense, i'm still shocked from the whole krycek and marita thing, so i'm trying to expect the unexpected. this is not the most wildly incorrect plot point i have guessed!)

the shooter gets another note…  this time it’s an empty cigarette carton, and BAM!!! CSM SHOOTS HIM!!!

well. there goes any possibility of an explanation.

diana fell asleep watching gibson and he’s looking out the window!!! he says there’s a man with a gun!!! and he says he’s aiming at her!!!! and BAM!! she gets shot too!!

hey guys! once again i ask what’s going on.

mulder and scully are pulling in while diana gets taken into an ambulance. and mulder’s grasping her hand while scully just wants to know where tf the kid is!!!!

the shooter was killed!!! skinner shows mulder the cigarette carton!!!!! 

NOOOO!! CSM has the boy and is bringing him to the well-groomed man. gibson called him a liar when he said he won't get hurt.

“you’ve never had the stomach for our business”

“just not for your practices”

“i’m a necessity. the complement to your cowardice” <- omggg……..

the dichotomy between CSM and well-groomed man... were the girls writing old man yaoi back when this aired? because i bet they would if this show dropped now.

(i was about to joke that if we all work really hard now, we can make that ship trend, but how tf can you write romantic fanfiction between two nameless characters? yeesh. that has to be a pain. "the well-groomed man moved in closer towards the cigarette smoking man, inhaling his burnt, acidic scent; he knew he was as bad for him as the cancer coursing through the other man's bloodstream" <- yeah, i didn't enjoy typing that, and it isn't fun to read either)

“your work is done now” SO WHAT ARE THEY GONNA DO TO THE BOY???

“my work is just beginning” nope. do not like that. 

well-groomed man leads gibson into the car driven by krycek, who says he has a nice straight shot at CSM!!! but well-groomed man says not to shoot. you may need him in the future.

krycek is the last man i would trust with a child.

WOAHHHHH mulder is ATTACKING SPENDER saying he will get him PROSECUTED FOR MURDER!!! “you’re wrong, agent mulder, it’s your days that are numbered” <- NOW WHAT DOES *THAT* MEAN??

is he collaborating with daddy to kill mulder or lead him down an incredibly intricate path leading to his peril?!?

NOOOOO, skinner is on the phone with scully in mulder’s apartment 💔 spender is going after mulder and there are talks of reassignment!

his first question when she gets off of the phone is about diana….

NOOO, the justice department wants to close down the x files 💔💔

mulder says this is all part of plan he couldn’t see and walked into

“this time they may have won” NOOOOO💔💔💔💔you have to find some faith!

CSM is in mulder’s office………. looking at the files….. PICKING OUT THE ONE ON SAMANTHA………… WHERE IS HE TAKING IT???

TO SPENDER?!! “who are you?” “i’m your father” <- YOOO, I DIDN’T THINK HE WOULD JUST OUT AND SAY IT??

DID HE LIGHT ALL THE OTHER FILES ON FIRE???

HOLY HELL, HE DID???

mulder is here in his t shirt and scully is here in a lab coat and they find their whole office burnt to a crisp!!!!

she grabs his arms and leans in, putting her head on his chest as he looks around in fury

woah…. woaugh……….

the end.

CSM ruined the work of their whole lives!!!

this is why archivists are so important. because they always keep files saved on at least 3 sources. inshallah the good FBI archivists had them on a bunch of floppy disks. please please please.

(i started to type “on a bunch of flash drives”, but then i realized idk if those were popular, effective, or invented at the time. and a floppy disk really couldn’t hold much. maybe there is a huge cardboard box in one of the back rooms with all of them backed up! i like the ones that were colorful!)

well, now there’s a damn movie i need to watch!!! but first i have to get all of my s5 content sorted out!!!!

i have many questions. i have a terrible feeling that poor boy is gonna end up another sacrificial lamb. and i know that CSM saved the file on samantha to keep the fire burning beneath mulder, just enough so he meets his dastardly plans. damn. this guy really is an evil genius. which does not translate to literary talent.

what is spender going to do? is he going to believe that CSM is his father? will he follow him in dastardly deeds, or will he reject them? i mean, he sure isn't a believer in aliens like mulder is, so learning his father is basically a diplomat to the alien people isn't going to go over well. or is he going to stand up to daddy and save the day, probably nobly sacrificing himself in the process?

what about scully? i just KNOW she blames herself for gibson getting kidnapped because she promised him he would be safe, and she's all torn up about mulder hiding things from her!!! poor scully!

and mulder, what is he going to do about the reappearance of diana and then her sudden death or near-death? will he stop being so cranky anytime soon? it doesn't seem likely, but a girl can hope.

and i wanna know what is going through skinner's mind, too. because he really is like an uncle to me. i remember my earlier posts about not trusting him, and i think that narrative was intentionally cultivated by the writers, but now i'm thinking, man. that's my ride or die. skinner, i should have never doubted you. not only that, i love your little house buddha and desk globes and i wish i could slap mulder across the face for the way he acts towards you!

well, i have a lot of work to do with the s5 wrapups before i can dive into this film, and so work i must. and perhaps i will save the film for next weekend when i can focus appropriate attention.

i also expect that the movie writeup will be VERY LONG. and my writeups are already SO LONG. i tossed around the idea of splitting it up into parts, but i think it will be better to just do it all in one go. unless there is a very clear midpoint spot where i can divide the post in two, which i doubt???

will diana grow on me? will the movie be enjoyable? will scully get a damn break? will CSM and WGM kiss? will krycek continue to be a problematic bisexual?

hmm. well, stay tuned, and share all of your thoughts!

[saintsenara]

What are your guilty pleasure tropes?

thank you for the ask @sarafina-sincerity!

forced proximity of any kind

i've answered specifically about one example of this - marriage law fics - here, but the main trope i'm a slut for is absolutely, one hundred percent, without a doubt anything which requires two people who don't want to have to spend time together having to spend time together. with sexy results.

enemies-to-lovers

let's all be honest, one's emotional investment in one's enemy is often more profound than in one's friend. let's also be honest, people become enemies because they have things in common. combine those similarities with the emotional investment? sexy results.

narrative mirror pairings

unsurprisingly, there's often quite a lot of overlap between this and the above. the harry potter series loves assigning its characters to narrative pairs whose roles in the story are the mirror images of each other, but whose personalities, dreams, desires, experiences, motivations etc. are often very similar. and the narrative mirror pairings which fall under this category are always exceptional: harry potter/tom riddle; draco malfoy/ron weasley (getting slept on because of drarry); sirius black/severus snape and so on... sexy results.

magical worldbuilding which feels magical

a lot of fan-fiction falls into one (or both) of two categories: it deals with considerably darker or drier topics (especially when it comes to thinking about how the wizarding state actually works and/or how it changes after voldemort's death) than the canon series; and it serves as a vehicle for the author to talk about aspects of muggle culture they enjoy (this is particularly the case in marauders fics and it drives me mad - none of those children have heard a single piece of cool music in their lives).

but the canon series feels so magical because the worldbuilding is incredibly whimsical, even in the darker later books. something is lost, i think, when wizarding clothing isn't ostentatious and colourful, or wizarding hobbies aren't exaggerated pastiches of muggle hobbies, or wizarding houses are devoid of eccentric kitchen appliances which talk back to you, or all wizards are immediately familiar with the muggle world. i can't express how much i respect it when authors invent their own radio plays or wizarding bands or children's toys.

and that whimsy can exist with a look at deep topics - indeed, it does frequently in one of my favourite literary genres: golden age detective fiction. in fact, i think it makes the dark themes and how they're being interrogated stand out all the clearer. which brings me to my next point...

allowing the characters to be funny

by this i don't mean crack fics - although crack treated seriously is definitely a trope i adore - but finding space for the fact that almost all of the main characters in the series - all the way along a spectrum from the main trio, to ginny, to sirius, to dumbledore, to snape, to voldemort (he's so camp! lean into it!) - are extremely funny, even when in serious situations or discussing serious things.

unfortunately, it is all too common to find - especially in things dealing with the immediate aftermath of either war - that everyone is in their widow's weeds and speaking like they've swallowed a psychology textbook. but actually, harry and ron aren't going to be sitting down for a deep and meaningful using all sorts of 'i feel' statements. they're going to be chatting shit.

[there's a bit of unsolicited advice here, which can, like all unsolicited advice, of course be ignored: this sort of therapy-speak, every-emotion-is-articulated conversational style is something which immediately gives away an author as american (generally, the sort of emotional openness which, in the usa, indicates authenticity will be read as the opposite in the uk - being very earnest is typically perceived as rude, expressing your emotional reaction to everything as fake). if you're looking for a way to make your writing sound more british, the best thing you can do is read ron, and see - as @whinlatter says in this post about him - that his sense of humour isn't evidence of immaturity or an unwillingness to confront tough topics, but evidence that he's the most emotionally mature of the trio. by quite some distance.]

ron and dumbledore being allowed to be real people

i loathe ron and dumbledore bashing. let my kings live.

and let ron be madly in love with hermione. his final form is wife guy.

redemption

i am a villain enjoyer, and i think there's nothing wrong with liking characters who remain unambiguously, unrepentantly evil.

what i like rather less is the idea that villains don't have traits, emotions, experiences, and motivations which aren't anything other than similar to the good guys.

and what i like least of all is the idea that there are some people who are so divergent from the good guys that they are unworthy of one of the most sincerely magical human abilities: the ability to redeem oneself.

yes, even draco malfoy, even snape, even voldemort. unless all of us are capable of redemption then none of us are. this is an important lesson to learn.

how these people redeem themselves, how redemption is complex and painful, how they atone, how they cope with the unmooring experience of forgiveness, how they take to their second chances, and how they stumble on the way are the topics of some of the best fics i have ever read, and i will never get free of the chokehold.

[beautifulhigh]

I'm so excited for tk's reaction for hurt carlos more than anything else tbh. I honestly feel like TK's character wasn't given the chance to show the depth of his feelings for carlos except for the proposal and I really hope with this carlos got hurt we will be able to see that. Can't wait for season 4

I want to take this ask in the spirit I would like it to have been intended and share in your excitement. I think it's about time that TK was the one stressing over possibly losing the man he loves.

But I am Fandom Old and a former English teacher and the statement made about TK not showing the depth of his feelings for Carlos gives me a chance to break out my meta skills, whether you wanted me to or not.

Season One TK has what some deem an overreaction to the dinner but that's because he's scared. He's had a "nuclear bad" breakup, he isn't ready for anything serious, and there's this guy who is basically offering him everything that the TK from the beginning of 1x01 wanted. A guy who wants to spend time with him, make him dinner, is genuinely interested in him. If TK wasn't emotionally invested why would he be so mad? It would have been an "oops" kind of moment. Anger is a strong emotion and a lot of TK's strong emotions are expressed in anger in season one.

He tells Carlos about his addiction before he tells the 126. The guy he's hooking up with, who he walked out on because Carlos dared to do something nice for him. Lays out everything: the break up, the relapse, all of it. The men and woman that he works alongside every day, the people he trusts his life to? They know nothing until 1x10. But Carlos knew. TK didn't have to tell Carlos but he did. Why would he do that if Carlos wasn't important to TK, if he wasn't someone that TK could trust?

But slowly our feral cat is tamed, and he lets Carlos in. They have the date when they take Paul out and they have the conversation in the juice bar where TK is honest with Carlos about how he feels. He refers to Carlos as his boyfriend - kinda - before he's even discussed that label with Carlos. He takes those steps because he's very much caught the feels and he's letting himself feel them.

Season Two So now we are in full on relationship territory, and he is spending a lot of time at Carlos' place. When Tim is killed and Owen says to "go home", he goes to Carlos. When he is stressing over upsetting Nancy he talks to Carlos. When he's worried about the honeymoon period for his parents, he talks to Carlos. He gets so upset when Carlos doesn't introduces him to his parents as his boyfriend but he realises what this means to Carlos and agrees to wait. They are talking, they are finding middle ground, we see TK turn to Carlos over and over for care and support and a needed kick up the backside when it comes to the divide between Fire and Medical. Love is being there for someone, and it's also telling them to get over themselves.

And then, he does something his dad mentioned right in the pilot, he moves in with his boyfriend. This is the logical next step, not an engagement ring. TK is with this man, they love each other, they're moving in together.

They fight, TK comes home, they make up, make out, and in the fire that threatens them he is calm and focused and helps save both their lives. He reads Carlos like a book and knows he's not OK, reassuring his boyfriend that they're OK. Throughout the whole season Carlos is included in the 126 hangs and we see a few beats where TK is bridging the gap between his work family and his boyfriend - most notably in 2x14 when they're relaying the story of what happened with Mateo's new captain and TK drops in the little beats and explanations he'd need as someone who wasn't there. (I love this moment so much: as viewers we don't recognise the gaps in the retelling as we saw the scene play out, but Carlos wasn't there and TK makes sure that he gets the full picture.)

Seasion Three And then TK blows it all up. Because Carlos buys them a fucking home and TK has got everything he's always wanted and the future he's scared of messing up and he bolts. Because this is the kind of forever love that he never thought he would have, never get to keep. He's completely, terrifyingly, absolutely in love and it scares him because that kind of love is scary.

But when he comes home, he is home. He gets up and stays with Carlos while he's reviewing all the video files (even if he falls asleep). He celebrates his boyfriend solving a kidnapping and reassures him that he's not to blame for a man's death (while making him one of the many meals he apparently eats in a day).

He talks about his meetings, his sponsor, his progress with his sobriety and his feelings about it. He opens up about why he needs people in his life like Cooper and his meetings, while making it clear that Carlos has all of him, that there is nothing he is holding back. TK is all in, every last broken bit of him. But he makes it clear that Carlos can't help those parts of him. He will come home to Carlos.

He still talks to Carlos after the call in which the kid loses his mom and shares his raw and breaking grief with his boyfriend, knowing that he will be taken care of that evening. That he is safe with him.

He recognises that Carlos hates the lizard but loves him enough to deal with it, so he puts Carlos first and Lou is released into the wild.

Then he proposes.

If you think that the proposal is the only moment where TK shows Carlos how much he loves him then you've not being paying attention to all of the other ways that TK has shown Carlos, over and over and over and over, how much he loves him and how much he means to him. Every time TK let Carlos in, every time TK shared himself with Carlos? He was showing him - and us - how much he loves this man.

[darkpoisonouslove]

Tangled: The Series Review

I just watched Tangled: The Series and I finished all three seasons in four days. TL:DR It’s good. It’s really, really good and I definitely recommend. This might be the best thing that has come out of Disney in the last decade or more. Now head under the cut for a more detailed look at the show and my thoughts on it.

Plot

The plot is actually pretty simple and is a direct continuation of the storyline from Tangled: Before Ever After. Granted, there are a lot of elements that answer questions not only from that movie but also from the Tangled movie itself but they are introduced with a lot of time in between that lets you process and even get disengaged at a couple points.

Not gonna lie, the pacing can be pretty slow sometimes and you almost forget what the end goal of the journey is but that allows for a lot of character work to be done (which I will talk about in a sec). It doesn’t seem like it has enough plot for three seasons but they do end up filling it out. Sometimes it’s a little frustrating but it works about 98% of the time.

The finale of season 3 wasn’t overly hyped up by the set up so it didn’t feel anti-climatic like it so often happens when shows just oversell their final showdown in the build-up and then it’s just... eh. Here the emotion and suspense definitely felt proportional to the action you’re getting most of the time.

Characters

The characters were great! They build up on what we’ve seen from Rapunzel, Eugine and Cassandra in the two movies and gave a lot of screen time to side characters as well. Pascal gets two episodes that are centered on him and he gets his own arcs! He’s a chameleon! And you feel for him as an independent character and Rapunzel’s friend, not just her pet. There are a lot of moments where other citizens of Corona that aren’t part of the main focus of the show get attention as well to a point where the kingdom truly feels populated and the world comes alive off the screen. It’s truly moving to watch most of those stories develop.

A little complaint I have would be with Rapunzel’s parents. The focus on them wasn’t bad–not at all–it just wasn’t enough. To be fair, I was actually surprised that they even touched on them but when you truly examine how they did, it just isn’t enough. We get a look at the trauma of losing a child mostly through Rapunzel’s father who definitely got more screen time than her mother but, ultimately, neither of them feels well developed. You are just not sure who they are as people and it feels unsatisfying precisely because the show tried to focus on them. It just didn’t work out fully.

Other than that, most of the characters just work really well. They all get arcs and go through a lot of character development that makes you attached to them and you really get invested in the story which is great. I genuinely cried a couple of times because I was so touched.

Villains

The villains might just be my biggest issue with this series. They have some good minor villains, some cases that are engaging despite the frustration they breed and a couple of villains that are just frustrating in their execution. I’m going to break this down a little to express what I mean.

The main villain of the show is okay but is a little underwhelming. She’s not on screen until season 3 and the thing is that she feels a lot more menacing while she is just a presence that hangs over the main cast rather than she is when she is actually present. (Now this might spoil a little simply because there is no other way to word it) Her servants come off as more menacing than she does. The only time she’s truly pulling her weight is in the finale that I already mentioned was just the right amount of hyped up so that you don’t end up disappointed by it. I was pretty neutral about her and liked her more when she was just an incorporeal tale the heroes were hearing about.

There were several minor villains that worked great. They were the right amount of menacing and the show actually allowed itself to go into pretty dark territory with some of them. Most left lasting consequences for the main cast of heroes and were just all around perfect. The thing that I have an issue with is all (and those are several) the villains that switched over to the good side because it never felt executed correctly. It was either rushed or not well motivated. The writers of the show were making a point about how kindness can touch any kind of person but it still felt forced and not focused on enough. All of these cases would have benefited from a bit more time for the change to happen.

There are two villains in the series that are particularly frustrating when it comes to that because with them changing morality was like flipping a switch. With the first one both the good-to-bad and bad-to-good changes were just not motivated enough and were ramped up to eleven. It just leaves you thinking “You should go to sleep and then you’d calm down” but instead he ended up nearly getting dozens of people killed just because he couldn’t think to count to ten. And in the other case, the switch to the side of evil was definitely motivated in insecurities that were festering over time but the flip-flopping between good and evil was just really annoying and didn’t feel like it was grounded in particular thought or even emotion. It was just happening because the plot demanded it which was extremely jarring after two and a half seasons of a character driven show. And despite the clearly overtaking insecurities, watching this character make some of her choices is unbelievably frustrating because they just don’t make sense. No matter how hurt she is, she is just acting like she either is unable to think or like she doesn’t care about anyone but herself which clashes with the moments in which she is considering going back to the side of good. It is baffling and the worst point of the writing in any aspect.

Relationship Drama

Or rather the lack of anything I would describe as relationship drama aka unfounded jealousy and wild miscommunication that would take half a minute of intelligent conversation to be resolved. I was so pleasantly surprised by the way the relationship between Rapunzel and Eugine was handled. They are both supportive of each other and forgive mistakes. They talk about their feelings and resolve conflict whenever it arises. They trust each other even when it appears that the situation doesn’t warrant that. It is just a healthy relationship that is absolutely heart-warming and adorable to watch.

I am especially thrilled about the fact that they brought up Rapunzel rejecting Eugine’s marriage proposal in Before Ever After and touched on how it would feel to a girl who’s spent her whole life confined to one place to be thinking of settling down (not ideal since in a way it implied that marriage is a trap or at least boring and would cut off your opportunity for adventure but at least they talked about it). And I am especially pleased that they gave the characters time to explore their relationship and also explored the idea of them being in one without being engaged. Really, the message that you can love someone and still not be ready to get engaged is valuable and not something I would expect from a story about a Disney princess.

Some more highlights to talk about and some minor spoilers (don’t read if you don’t want to know more) – they explore how Rapunzel inspires Eugine to be better but it isn’t framed as her being his only salvation. It is framed exactly as what it is – Eugine seeing Rapunzel’s kindness and deciding that he wants to be better for himself and for her, too. I really appreciated that. They also have this episode in which Rapunzel and Eugine have to play parents and I liked the way it was handled. It truly felt like they have the connection between them to support a family and raise children but they are not in a rush and that goes back to the idea that they don’t need to get engaged and married if they don’t feel ready even though they might appear ready.

Lore

I loved the lore of the series. There is a lot more we learn about Corona as well as Rapunzel and the abilities of her hair. There is more information about the world and the surroundings of both the characters and Corona as a kingdom. We get a great expansion of the fantasy element of the world as well as the history and politics of it and I was immersed in the way it made the story and the characters richer. The show is doing its own thing and it is following whatever has already been established about the world and building on it in order to make both the story more compelling and to answer questions that have been raised in the movies without being answered. It’s doing quite well on that front.

Originality

A lot of times I would think that we are going down the route of a certain trope but then they’d put a fresh spin on it or at least a new angle that isn’t usually brought up and made the story that much more engaging. The show dealt with some serious topics that I never would have expected from a Disney princess property. They actually explore Rapunzel grappling with the responsibility that will fall on her shoulders once she’s queen of Corona and it was done in a very realistic and honest–even raw–way. Definitely not something you think you’ll find in the show when you sit down to watch it. There were certainly some cliches and moments that I wish they could have subverted the tropes they were using, but overall, I was often surprised by the way they handled the matter they were writing about.

[probablyobsessingovertv]

My Opinions on Varchie, Bughead, and Barchie’s Chemistry

I know a lot of my fellow Varchie/Bughead shippers strongly dislike Barchie. One of their biggest arguments against the pairing is that they lack development over the past four seasons and that seemingly, this cheating scandal has come out of nowhere with very little warning or sense attached, which I agree with. It does feel like Betty and Archie’s (especially romantic) relationship has been very minimally developed over the last few years, making this seem sudden, unexpected, and in my personal opinion, not logical. Especially considering how good, strong, and healthy Betty and Jughead’s, and Veronica and Archie’s relationships appeared in S4. I didn’t really think that we were headed for infidelity or dishonesty, secrecy or betrayal. Not at all. I understand and respect why, from a drama and entertainment standpoint, it was done, but within the story, to me, it just doesn’t really make much sense. I hope most Varchies/Bugheads/ maybe even some Barchies or “on the fence” Barchies at least, could agree with that.

Another major argument for the anti-Barchies is the lack of chemistry shared between the characters and even more so, the actors, KJ and Lili. Now I don’t totally disagree with this, however, I believe there are different forms of chemistry that actors can display.

(Before I begin, this is entirely my opinion, with my terminology and categorizations, my ideas of where each fits, etc. All me, no actual research done other than looking at scenes of Riverdale to find examples. It is 1000% okay to disagree with me or to think about this differently. This is just my interpretation as a long-time teen drama tv watcher and someone that spends way too much time analyzing fictional characters, actors, and relationships of all kinds. I have no expertise or credibility in this. I’m just doing it for fun. Also, I believe this can be true in all industries and all relationships, not only in entertainment or on a fictional tv show/movie.)

First, there is Working chemistry. As in two people or a group that just make sense when they are together. There is a natural ease and comfortability between actors that makes those scenes flow well and makes the actors’ portrayal of the friendships/relationships their characters have a lot more believable and enjoyable to watch. KJ, Lili, Cami, Cole, Mads, Vanessa, Casey, etc, all possess this chemistry with each other. It’s obvious that they enjoy working with each other. They enjoy each other as people and that comes out on screen very well I think. Their irl close friendships and trust between each other definitely make this a lot easier and more authentic in the show as well as in interviews and promos for sure, which is one of the reasons I’m really drawn to this show. (Examples: Core 4 scenes at Pop’s, group scenes in musical episodes, the family groupings, the romantic pairings, one on one friendships like Betty and Veronica, Archie and Jughead, Kevin and Betty, Cheryl and Veronica, the list goes on.)

Emotional/Relational chemistry is similar to working chemistry, but I think it’s a level deeper. This can occur between short-lived romantic relationships, such as a character’s rebound or fling, along with family members, friends, neighbors, etc. I most commonly associate this kind of chemistry with primarily words and sometimes actions or deeds. Childhood best friends are a really good example of this to me, such as Betty and Archie in my mind. This chemistry means that actors/characters deeply trust each other and this trust has usually been built up and developed over the course of many years. The people involved are usually very comfortable with each other, again, trust one another in scenes, and depend on each other. A huge characteristic of relationships that include emotional chemistry is the ability of these characters to be vulnerable with one another, to have deep, meaningful conversation, know how to comfort one another, and the desire to protect, be there for, support, and look after each other. I like to call these brother-sister relationships sometimes.

Though most serious romances possess a large amount of emotional chemistry, a relationship that contains solely an emotional bond cannot progress further, such as a lasting, healthy romance. In my opinion, this is where Barchie’s relationship can be categorized.

Consequently, I greatly disagree with anyone who says KJ and Lili don’t have any chemistry with each other whatsoever. In nearly all of their scenes since S1, we can see that Betty and Archie care deeply for each other. They really trust each other. They feel safe and comfortable with one another and feel the need to protect the other from any kind of harm or danger. They have been there for each other through some very painful and difficult circumstances and have been constant sources of comfort and safety for each other since they were children. They grew up together. They know so much about one another and have been through so much together. KJ and Lili do a fantastic job with this kind of chemistry. Very emotionally driven scenes, scenes of saying what the other needs to hear, being a shoulder for the other to lean or cry on, giving advice to help each other through the trouble they face in their lives, having a good time together, being emotionally vulnerable and honest, showing up when the other needs them, and occasionally letting their emotions get the better of them and, in Archie and Betty’s case, believing that chemistry is a different kind than it really is. (Ex. Archie helping Betty calm down after the Black Hood and breaking up with Jughead for her in S2, 3x5 Archie’s escape when Betty gets him out of the pipe and hugs him, Betty working with Mary and Sierra on Archie’s case to prove him innocent, the glances out their windows. Look, they have good emotional/relational chemistry is what I’m trying to say.)

However, Betty and Archie have only ever kissed while broken up with or in a fight with the character they are most associated with romantically. (And the plan to help Jughead in S4, but that doesn’t count since it didn’t really have any romantic intention and was purely (at least initially) a ploy to distract everyone from the truth of Jughead being alive.) KJ Apa and Lili Reinhart have amazing emotional chemistry. It’s obvious that they care about and trust each other as real life people as well as their characters. They are clearly close in real life and have a pretty similar relationship to Betty and Archie from my observation. KJ and Cami also have phenomenal emotional chemistry with clearly a very deep trust or at the very least, the front of one, between each other as people and scene partners. Cole and Lili obviously do as well, and I could argue that the majority of actors on Riverdale share this emotional chemistry with many of their costars.

What I believe KJ and Lili, not particularly to fault of either of them, lack, is Physical, Sexual, and/or Romantic chemistry. I believe this is the only kind of chemistry that can’t be forced or faked. Physical chemistry is most often displayed in serious, long-term dating relationships and marriages, but can also show up in various other relationships in some circumstances. This usually comes in handy when actors/characters are kissing, hugging, holding hands, innocently touching like rubbing hands, holding faces or playing with hair. This can also be in the forms of heart eyes, certain smiles or flirty glances, etc. I see this as very intentional and almost second nature to most actors portraying couples. Actors with a lot of physical chemistry have to be incredibly comfortable with and trusting of each other. As has been said on countless occasions, lots of romantic scenes in films and tv are very very staged so making them look authentic, unplanned, attractive, and believable is a whole nother level of talent and trust in my opinion.

Most pairs of physically compatible actors tend to come up with their own ideas and improv some “coupley” gestures or ways of showing affection towards each other’s characters in ways that make sense for the story, those characters’ individual personalities, and the relationships between them. The first couple on Riverdale that I think of with strong romantic/physical chemistry is Archie and Veronica. KJ and Cami being the actors that portray them, of course. They have incredible physical chemistry and Varchie are also often seen as an overall very physical couple, constantly wanting to be near and touch each other. Yes, they also kiss, make out, and even have sex often on the show, but their physical chemistry really shows in the little things if you ask me. The overall show of physical affection displayed towards each other is truly so beautiful and looks so real and believable on screen. It’s especially obvious when actors are so comfortable and so invested in their characters that they come up with their own little moments for their couple that they know fans will enjoy. For KJ and Cami, they seem to find 100 different little ways to hold hands or to be very affectionate by touching each other’s hair and having specific movements or gestures they do every time they kiss that real life couples would definitely have, and overall using pretty simple facial expressions and body language to portray the love and the very believable (to me) relationship between Archie and Veronica.

Cole and Lili’s portrayal of Betty and Jughead is also very physically authentic, such as when Cole kisses Lili’s forehead or how she was laying on him in the season 4 Halloween episode. Vanessa and Mads and Choni have great physical chemistry too, due to how much they trust each other and how comfortable and close they are with each other in real life as best friends. Some of those little moments could be suggested by the director, but I know many of the small things are not scripted or directed. I do believe that genuine, physical chemistry is natural and cannot be fabricated. It sure can be exaggerated or diminished by good actors, but it really can’t be entirely faked without being very obvious in my mind.. All this to say, I believe that Betty and Archie lack that physical/romantic connection and I personally think KJ and Lili just don’t naturally have the same level of that chemistry as they do with Cami and Cole. Again, that is not remotely a diss to either actor. Some pairings just don’t work like others do and that’s not because the actors are incapable or “not talented enough” to portray it.

The casting team struck gold with KJ and Cami’s and Lili and Cole’s chemistry and that is very rare to find, especially for an entire cast to be so authentically compatible with each other. In conclusion, I am not completely against the idea of Betty and Archie as a couple, but I’m just not a huge fan of it because I don’t think it would be as realistic or believable as Varchie and Bughead are, solely based on the natural, romantic chemistry the actors have with each other. Not to mention the story and what makes the most sense in that regard.

TL; DR: I don’t blame you. This is my mind at 2am. Basically, I believe there are three major levels of chemistry between people, especially actors and the characters they portray.

1) Working Chemistry: pretty much people (actors) that genuinely like one another, get along, and make the relationships of their characters believable and enjoyable on screen. (aka the entire cast of Riverdale)

2) Emotional/Relational Chemistry: Kind of similar to working, but a level deeper. I refer to these as “sibling/family-esque” relationships. Usually expressed through words and sometimes actions or deeds. This is where I personally believe Betty/Archie’s relationship is.

3) Physical/Sexual/Romantic Chemistry: Everything from flirty glances to making staged romance scenes look authentic, to coming up with sweet little gestures to show affection. I believe this cannot be faked/forced entirely. Physical chemistry is something I believe Veronica/Archie and Betty/Jughead display incredibly well. In my opinion, this is what Barchie lacks. Both the characters and the actors that play them. Not dissing either of them, they’re obviously phenomenal actors and KJ/Lili have amazing emotional chemistry, I just personally think the romantic chemistry between them isn’t as strong as KJ/Cami, Cole/Lili, Madelaine/Vanessa, etc.

*If you made it this far, you’re also in too deep with this show. I’m kidding, I love you. Thank you for reading all of this. I would absolutely love to hear what you think.*

Also, thank you Freya @loverofthor-2 for proofreading and encouraging me to post my brain dump yet again. ❤️

[skyisover]

ok a lot of this is going to use my own headcanons about their hobbies and such but as promised. silent hill characters and whether or not you should date them, in order of best to worst.

under the cut bc it’s long

Harry Mason: Harry is peak boyfriend & husband material without a doubt. He has some issues with staying in his own lane (always getting involved in other people’s business, even though he usually doesn’t mean to), but that just means you get to gossip together once he’s done working for the day. He’s a little on the sporty side surprisingly enough, but mostly because being an author requires being mostly sedentary. Harry prefers hiking, but he’ll go to the gym if he doesn’t want to/can’t do the drive. He’d be thrilled if you came with him, but equally happy if you looked after Cheryl/Heather so he can have a quick break.

Pros: considerate, respectful of you and your space, always makes time for you.

Cons: has a kid and that’s not a lot of people’s thing, a little airheaded even tho he means well.

Conclusion: You should date Harry Mason (if you’re okay with kids).

Henry Townshend: The shy, creative type of boyfriend. Marriage is a little hefty of a word; you’d have to be together for a long time. Henry doesn’t talk much (though when he does he has a fantastic, dry sense of humor, he’ll have you laughing so hard in public you’ll need to take a moment), but rather expresses himself both through body language and his art. Once you know him well, you’ll be able to recognize each little microexpression he makes and how he’s feeling. It just takes time. Henry will share his photography with you, and once he’s feeling bold, ask to take photos of you.

Pros: generous, kind almost to a fault, has creative outlets he’d bond with you over.

Cons: incredibly spacey especially with dates and times, has difficulty communicating.

Conclusion: You should date Henry Townshend (if you’re okay with sometimes having difficult conversations).

Eileen Galvin: A fun-loving party girlfriend. Marriage, but probably only if you two were a little too drunk. She’d only do it if she loved you enough, and Eileen loves everyone, but she takes serious relationships incredibly seriously. She’ll love all your interests, but you’ll be especially compatible if you’re in the same party scene as her; she wants someone light-hearted that she can have fun with, and Eileen has a very outgoing definition of a good time. But she’ll always be punctual when meeting up with her partner, be it on dates, appointments, shows, etc. She wants to support you in any way she can (and can sometimes be a bit embarrassing about it, in the best way).

Pros: supportive of all your interests, good with time management, deeply treasures your relationship.

Cons: has a tendency to be jealous, always wants to stay out a little longer, even if it’s 4AM.

Conclusion: You should date Eileen Galvin (if you’re okay with being designated driver. A lot).

Alex Shepherd: Alex is probably the most touch starved person on this list lol. He doesn’t really understand relationships, though. Alex is a good boyfriend, but he hasn’t exactly had any healthy role models for being one, so expect arguments when he doesn’t understand what to do or what he’s done wrong. He really does try his best, though; he knows how bad his parents were, and he wants to do better. His favourite thing to do is play sports in the park with his friends, and it’s kind of a dream date for him. If you aren’t sporty, you and Alex will usually grab lunch or ice cream after, depending on the time of day. Feel free to tease him for poor performance on the field. He’ll always laugh it off.

Pros: great sense of humor, high energy, puts hard work into a relationship.

Cons: horrible with emotional communication, stubborn.

Conclusion: You should date Alex Shepherd (if you’re okay with working through bad arguments).

Travis Grady: Travis has no experience with relationships. Period. When he’s not working (which is the majority of the time), he’s usually at home watching TV with a steak dinner. He’d probably meet you through the company he works for, or at the grocery store (both of you reaching for the same item?? Anyone?? Anyone??). That’s pretty much what the majority of your dates will consist of- he’ll occasionally go hunting and always invite you unless he knows it upsets you, but it’s never for sport. Travis is a believer in ethical eating and never eats meats that come from processors or the store. Rest assured he’d be more than willing to cook a fantastic homemade dinner for the two of you (and brag a little once you compliment his cooking).

Pros: laid back, a bit of a romantic, stable.

Cons: usually out-of-town making deliveries, prone to clamming up when frustrated and bringing work home.

Conclusion: You should date Travis Grady (especially if you like homemade meals).

Maria: Maria is an enigma. She doesn’t really do the girlfriend thing, per say; she doesn’t like to be exclusive. If anything, it’s a fear of commitment, but she’ll still take you out on dates. Maria’s fantastic company. Drinks at Heaven’s Night, walks by the lake, 2AM pizza runs, she loves it all. No bowling, though. As long as you don’t take any issue with her line of work, the two of you won’t have any real arguments. You go on dates, you sleep together, you’re free to see other people. If you ever need anything at any time, you can call Maria, and she’ll be there. Either a shoulder for you to cry on, threatening (jokingly, or is she) to kill whoever hurt you, or going out to get your mind off of it. Maria comes through.

Pros: a loyal friend, defends you to the death, always ready to go on an adventure.

Cons: only does open relationships, isn’t... like... real?

Conclusion: You should date Maria (so long as you don’t mind the lack of exclusivity).

Lisa Garland: Lisa is a very busy woman. On top of nursing, she struggles with her own addiction, and the abuse she survived. She loves wholly and incredibly quickly. Lisa would want to go on coffee dates, go out on the lake, watch romance movies together, the whole shebang. She’s a classic romantic. However, Lisa’s addiction isn’t something to be romanticized or taken lightly. She needs help, and she knows that; you’re the only person who supports her recovery, supports her dreams of becoming an actress, you are her best friend, and that’s more important. One day in the future, when Lisa is prepared, a relationship could be had together.

Pros: always willing to use her free time to see you, deeply loving, and always worries for your safety.

Cons: can be clingy, has a tendency to overstep when she’s concerned, but it comes from a good place.

Conclusion: You probably shouldn’t date Lisa Garland (at least until she’s ready).

Murphy Pendleton: Murphy tries his damnedest to be a good boyfriend/husband, but he has a lot on his plate. If this is before Charlie’s death, anything his son needs will always take priority. (He’s a good dad). If this is after, the murder of his son will torment him forever. That, on top of being a prison escapee- even though Anne presumably covered for him as per the good ending, he’s considered a dead man. It wouldn’t be a normal relationship, and it wouldn’t be easy. You can rarely go anywhere with him and you move frequently, putting a strain on your relationship. Murphy would love you, but he may break it off, just to keep you out of harms way.

Pros: honest, loyal to a fault, and passionate about everything he cares for, including you.

Cons: prone to anger, a legally dead felon.

Conclusion: You probably shouldn’t date Murphy Pendleton (unless you prepare yourself for heartbreak).

James Sunderland: James’ marriage lasted for years, so it’s safe to say he understands relationships. That being said.. we all know how that ended. James is miserable. He’s devoted to his partner but keeps to himself; a relationship with James is a relationship with his own desire for punishment. He wants his partner to treat him the way he deserves to be treated. Unless you have extreme patience and are willing to help James (and most likely Laura as well, going by the Leave ending), and even then, it’s not a healthy relationship. James can never move past the guilt of what he’s done.

Pros: gives you all the space you need, physically affectionate in private, emotionally devoted albeit in an unhealthy way.

Cons: trapped by his own guilt, often uses you as a personal therapist or mediator between himself and Laura.

Conclusion: You should not date James Sunderland (unless you like the smell of pillows and getting called Mary in bed)

Vincent Smith: The only person Vincent has ever cared about is himself. This would not be a healthy relationship. He uses you for physical comfort, for sex, for indulging all of his earthly desires that he knows the Order would look down on. Vincent can and will emotionally manipulate you if it benefits him to do so; even if or inevitably when he does grow fond of you, ultimately he won’t risk his position or any advantages for anyone else. He isn’t a bad person to spend time with, generally speaking, and can even be quite funny. Vincent leans on the obnoxious side, but if you aren’t emotionally invested, you likely won’t fall for any of his tricks.

Pros: a physical lover, intelligent, easy to have educated conversations with.

Cons: manipulative, selfish.

Conclusion: You should not date Vincent Smith (but you should hang out with him and give him a hard time).

Walter Sullivan: Walter is a man of obsession. If you were someone he met when he was alive and attending Uni, he was probably a relatively normal, albeit a little strange, boyfriend. He’d be clearly troubled but genuinely seem to care about you, and even is excited every time he sees you. Not in a weird way, but a sweet one. Things change after he dies. He becomes obsessed with bringing you into a better world, showing you to his reborn mother. He stalks you as he completes the 21 Sacraments, watching as you sleep, tracking your every move. All for a better world.

Pros: he literally looks like Brendan Fraser i mean -

Cons: i really don’t think i need to explain this one guys

Conclusion: You absolutely should not date Walter Sullivan. (But honestly, I wouldn’t blame you. He’s hot as fuck).

Anne Cunningham: ok bootlicker

Dahlia Gillespie: don’t.

[caw4brandon]

Love is a Complex Subject

When it comes down to any piece of media, love stories are always my favorite.

There’s something predictable and yet, heartwarming when you notice two persons being oddly close together regardless if its fictional characters or with real people. If you look up on any Fandom’s most popular ships, most of them have wholesome and cute fanfiction/fanart.

Some can be quite...corny, edgy or explicit but its still a part of what makes the media popular. Its an emotional investment ride to make you like the characters, see them grow and watch their relationship blossom to make even the most cold hearted people turn soft for a short moment. That being said, Love is a complex thing. Here are some things I’ve learned about love so far.

- Between The Walls and The Cross -

I will not dive TOO DEEP into my personal life experience but just to put simply. Everything I learned and know about love is either from shows/movies or from the Church. 

In the Church, each type of love is represented with a certain word. Three of which are the most popular and they are, Agape which means selfless love and is strongly associated with God’s Love. Next, we have Philia which is simplified as “brotherly/sisterly love.” and the last one that everyone likes, is Eros which is hot and steamy romantic love.

Outside the walls, I have parents and siblings who enjoys Asian Dramas or Western Shows which also contains romance sub-plots or main plots. I myself, am a big animation/ anime fan and sure enough. Most shows I watch contains romance. 

Regardless if its learning about it from a religious view or from a more worldly perspective, I find the topic about Love to be a fascinating subject. Like most subjects, you’ll hear it differently based on who you ask and which age group you speak to. Despite that, there is this familiar set of emotions and words to express those feelings. One that I am still interested to learn about and yearning to experience someday in real life. 

As for my personal opinion. Love is, in the end of the day. Still love. It involves two souls synchronizing their hearts to the same rhythm becoming one in union. Its an endearing and powerful thing and regardless of whatever form it takes in media, it is a welcoming thing.

- Same Love, Different Preference -

However, there is one other path when it comes to romance in media that is still shun upon (despite it being more accepted today). In my earliest memory, same gendered couples or characters with queer identities have existed every once in a while in live shows, manga/comics and (of course) in animated shows but was strongly advocated and openly displayed in 2014 or so.

In the distant past, queer based shows/ characters is considered as a heavy subject and is wrongfully scandalous. Regardless of which country one is form. Queer identity is strongly hated as it is unnatural to the eyes of The general public.

In their mind, animated shows are for kids and because its for kids. Such relationships are not allowed to be shown. Adding on, most early queer based shows often end in tragedy as it deals with the threat of getting caught, predatory rape, explicit sex and death.

On the other hand, it was warmly welcomed as positive inclusion due to the real life struggles of being queer. 

Being queer in real life is complicated and is often met with prejudice and strong judgement. In some countries, you could even die just for being queer so, to see queer characters being represented in a certain media or to even watch a character learn to come to terms with their preference is a proud thing.

As the conversation keeps going and the development gets growing. Queer characters and ships get better and healthier. Just from an animated show perspective, we’ve witnessed a positive growth from #korrasami to #catradora, #lumity, #bubbline and many more. (To be honest, I have not seen most of these respective shows but I read about it on forums).

In anime, we see a similar change. While it was not a recent development (In fact, its as old as way back in the 90s) We see new Anime/Light Novels/ Manga relying less on typical tropes or destructive tropes found in their respective genres. We see growth and development of portraying semi-accurate real life queer relationships through the likes of Bloom Into You, Yuri on Ice, Banana Fish and more. Its a growing genre, and as it grows...the stories, developments and characters get better year after year.

- Fetish of Romance -

Regardless of which kind of romance you enjoy. I find the subject of love to be far more complicated overtime as I, myself grow older. It is not as simple as “when you love someone, you love them” but rather, its a question on how to perceive and act on love. What we study and understand in books is different when it is being acted out itself and that is the same for something as simple as liking someone.

I can spend years and lifetimes understanding and knowing the meaning of love, no matter what form it takes. But it is different when one tries to act on love. 

We romanticize them in movies/shows, exaggerate and sexualize them with several harmless or harmful tropes because it can only exist in a theater box. Or as a strange paradox, they do exist out there!

Humans like to love or like the idea of love. Its a warm fire in the cold world that we live in. Each of us crave it, some more than others and for several, not at all. Regardless of your choice, your preference, and your understanding and your status, the lesson will still continue.

On a final note, no further updates for me. I will try to follow my schedule, which is now. Every Odin’s Wednesday!

Thanks for Reading

- B -

[kalinara]

"I don’t know that I agree with the idea that Geralt intentionally holds Jaskier at arms’ length. I think that there is definitely a level of guarded wariness to their interaction" Could you please expand more upon why you think that? If you feel like it, that is. :)

I don’t mind!

I should clarify that I don’t think the guarded wariness is something specific to Jaskier.  I think it’s a reflection of the character arc that the show designed for Geralt.

So let me tangent here for a bit:

Lauren Hissrich has done something really interesting with the way that she’s chosen to structure the first season of the show.  We have the three separate storylines, each serving a particular function.

Ciri’s is like the framing story in a short story anthology.  It’s basically the very beginning of Blood of the Elves, keeping us grounded in the stakes and the destination while we follow the other two on their journey.

Yennefer’s storyline can be divided into three parts:  her backstory, which I understand is extrapolated by what is gradually revealed in the novels, two of the short stories that she shares with Geralt (Last Wish and Bounds of Reason), and then splits off into what she was doing during the fall of Cintra.

And then there’s Geralt’s storyline, which is simplest in a way.  Each episode represents one of the short stories from either Last Wish or Sword of Destiny.  It’s very straightforward.  But the catch to Geralt’s storyline is that, because it’s crafted from separate stories, there’s no real character progression.

But it’s not a very satisfying television show if your lead character doesn’t have a character arc, right?  So Hissrich cleverly arranged the short stories to give him one.

So she starts with “Lesser Evil”.  This story is not the first story in the Last Wish anthology.  It’s actually somewhere in the middle (the striga story is first), but here it provides us with a really great starting point.  We can see Geralt as he is at the start of the story: a bit taciturn, but actually quite communicative when approached friendly.  He has substantial conversations with Marilka, Renfri, Roach and even Stregobor.  He is reluctant to get involved of course, but gets invested in Renfri’s well-being anyway.  The parallels between them: treated as monsters for something outside of their control, are established very strongly.  Geralt wants so much to save her.  And then everything goes very badly.  And it breaks him.

Renfri casts a long shadow over the rest of the season.  She’s always somewhere on his mind: in the brooch he fastened to his sword, he dreams of her when injured and delirious.  A princess in danger becomes a loaded issue for him.  

After Renfri’s death, Geralt closes off.  He goes from taciturn to nonverbal.  Wary to downright hostile.  He’s a bristling bundle of stress and nerves and that’s when Jaskier enters the picture.

I’ve seen book fans complain about the contrast.  Geralt and Dandelion are close in the stories and novels.  They’re relaxed and comfortable.  And that might be where they end up in the show too.  But they’re not there yet, because when Jaskier meets Geralt, he’s meeting the walking wounded.  And Jaskier can’t really fix that.

Geralt’s story in season one involves making connections.  It’s easy to joke about how Geralt insists he’s alone and hated, but actually seems to have made cautious allies with elves, picked up a bard, fell in love with a prickly sorceress, earned the goodwill of multiple rulers, recruited by a dragon, and saved by an old merchant.   But his emotional wounds aren’t going to be healed until he meets a princess that he can save, hopefully BEFORE years of torment turn her into a monster.

So tangent completed:

I do think that Geralt and Jaskier’s friendship is genuine, but that Geralt really isn’t at a point in his life where he can be open and honest and expressive.  He can’t relax his guard yet.  But he does value him.  And I’m still of the opinion that his tirade in episode 6 was specifically designed to make sure that Jaskier wouldn’t follow him into a warzone.  (If you look closely, right before Jaskier approaches, Geralt almost looks like he’s counting or bracing for a cue).

I am looking forward to seeing their interaction with season 2, because I do think that we’re going to see Geralt in a bit of a different place.  Of course whether that place is good or bad probably remains to be seen.

[bluetiefling]

Sanditon Season 2 Wish List

Divided between things I think season 2 absolutely needs to reach its potential, and things I don’t 100% need but I would love. Special thanks to @beavesaintmarie and @eleonoraditoledo for all the great discussions we’ve had about this and to whom I attribute many of these ideas!

Most important:

Sidney and Charlotte having at least one torrid make out while he’s still engaged to Eliza. The kind that’s like up against a wall or a tree, and there’s tongue and their hands are just everywhere, and they almost take it too far before one of them pumps the brakes. The culmination of several episodes of unbearable tension before they can’t take it anymore.

Sidney and Charlotte having sex while he’s still engaged to Eliza. I’m realistic about how unlikely this is but I legitimately think this is an important step in their relationship arc, particularly for Charlotte, and it’s not just because I really wanna see them bone under the most dramatic circumstances possible. This would be about Charlotte’s own emotional journey she’s been on since she arrived in Sanditon and came of age - realizing for herself that she wants Sidney, come hell or high water, and she stops being guarded, stops being shy and afraid about the immensity of her feelings, or worrying about what the right and proper and unselfish thing is. It’d be about Charlotte learning how messy love really is, and diving in anyway. Ideally this would be when Charlotte confesses her love and finds the words and bravery to express everything Sidney means to her, which she of course didn’t get the opportunity to do in season 1. And like yeah, their first time on screen will be that much hotter if they don’t know if it’s going to be their only night together or not, and this ship Deserves that intensity.

A DEDICATED ARC ABOUT FIXING SIDNEY AND GEORGIANA’S RELATIONSHIP WHERE THEY GET REAL SCENES OF THEM TALKING THINGS OUT AND THEY CAN GET TO A GOOD PLACE OF TRUST AND AFFECTION AND BE A FAMILY. They have a lot in common now over their romantic woes and that’s a great starting point for them to start fresh and try to bond. And yeah just, give them complete conversations where they can clear all the misunderstandings between them.

A raw and honest confrontation between Sidney and Tom. It’s got to address everything from Tom’s screw ups to how they got to this point where even years after Tom bailed out Sidney, he still feels he’s obligated to throw his lifelong happiness under the bus for Tom’s sake, while Tom is barely perceptive of Sidney’s emotional state on a good day. This can’t be swept under the rug.

Belligerent UST again for Sidney and Charlotte! Let the pain of this separation strain them so much it bubbles over into anger and frustration, and they need to pick fights with each other because it’s become something comfortable for them, and it’s a release from being that sad and tense all the time over not being together. Sidney agonizes over Charlotte’s determination to be stoic around him so he resorts to provoking her to know she still cares. Charlotte snaps at him over something kinda innocuous because she’s so frustrated about everything else. If there’s another guy contending for Charlotte’s heart let Sidney provoke a big argument with her over it, let her be furious with him for not letting her move on while deep down she desperately wants to see this jealousy from him. Etc etc! These two do that kind of snarky tension so well and I’m so into seeing a new, season 2, version of it where feelings are out in the open.

Sidney having agency when the time comes for the dissolution of him and Eliza. I feel it’s important that when the engagement (or marriage? idk how far it’ll get but we’ll see) ends, it’s a hard choice Sidney makes while there’s still potential consequences he would bear, such as being labeled dishonorable or when Tom’s money situation is not secure yet, etc. I think it’s important for Sidney’s own journey of recovering his self-worth and deciding he’s done sacrificing himself. There shouldn’t be external forces, like someone else swooping in with the money Tom needs, that ‘allows’ Sidney to do this easily. If anyone does swoop in to save them all at some point, it shouldn’t be the deciding factor in Sidney’s choice to free himself and his choice to be with Charlotte.

Charlotte being courted by another man in a serious way which helps her realize the depth of her own love for Sidney and that she can’t be content settling for anyone else. There’s a lot you can do with another guy trying to come in and be a contender for Charlotte’s heart, a jealous Sidney being one of those things. I want to see Charlotte put on a brave face and try to find happiness elsewhere only to find she ultimately can’t, because no one compares to what she had with Sidney, and that’s more obvious to her every day she’s around this other guy. Even better is if she and this other guy get engaged or close to it and Charlotte feels more pressured to not hurt this guy’s feelings but she uh… ends up hurting him anyway because sometimes you can’t help but be selfish when it comes to love. And that it doesn’t make her a terrible person.

Things that are not 100% necessary but I would enjoy very much (under the readmore):

A love interest for Georgiana! I’d be happy with Otis returning and him earning redemption in her eyes, but I admit that I’m keener on the idea of a romance for Gigi that we get to see develop from day one. I’m less invested if the couple already fell in love entirely off screen, so I’d love to see a new guy sweep her off her feet. I have a LOT of ideas for what kind of character this guy could be and where he comes from. Currently my favorite one is that they introduce one of Charlotte’s grown up brothers to fall in love with her? It’d be a pretty easy retcon for one of Char’s brothers to be a 20something, and he’s a hunk. Maybe we haven’t seen him yet because he’s been at university or abroad, and he and Char are super close and he decides to go to Sanditon with her. Or Gigi comes to Willingden and the brother is very into her and decides to follow her and Charlotte back to Sanditon or wherever under the guise of looking after his sister but mostly he wants to be around Gigi. Lots of fun ideas to be had and really I just love the notion of Gigi falling for Char’s brother and it leading to all kinds of cute awkwardness for everyone involved (including Sidney lol). (ideal actor to play this role would be Thomas Doherty! someone save him from the CW pls)

AN EPISODE TAKING PLACE AROUND A COUNTRY HOUSE PARTY. BABINGTON’S HOUSE PERHAPS? House party shenanigans are such a fun staple of historical romance and I’d love it if this was season 2’s version of the London episode, where the action shifts to a different location temporarily and it raises the tension and stakes all around. I want Babington to see how unhappy and stressed Sidney is and he and Esther decide to invite a few friends to spend the weekend with them at their estate. Babington deliberately picks a weekend when he knows Eliza is busy. Tells Sidney to get his ass over there to just chill out for a few days. Esther invites Charlotte. Neither Sidney nor Charlotte realize the other is going to be there until IT’S TOO LATE. Cue all kinds of opportunities for them to get stuck alone with each other in and around Babington’s humongous house and expansive gardens or wherever. This could even be the place they finally just give in and sleep together (Sidney’s guest room will conveniently be just down the hall from Charlotte’s of course)

Replace Stringer with a new guy to be Charlotte’s love interest and a rival to Sidney. Like… I know they probably won’t and we’re stuck with him but Stringer just didn’t do it for me at all and I already know that if they make me sit through his bumbling courtship of Charlotte next season it’s gonna be tedious. I don’t want to hear about his class woes or his dad angst or watch him try to conjure up a whole relationship with Charlotte in his head like he did in season 1 again lol. And the jealous Sidney and alternative courtship story line I want for Charlotte next season won’t be as strong as it could be if they rely on Stringer, because I’ll never believe that Sidney is truly threatened by this guy or that Charlotte could ever see it for him. Like I said, we’re 99% for sure stuck with him but ugh… what if…….

IF THEY DID BRING A NEW GUY TO ROMANCE CHARLOTTE have him be an enemy from Sidney’s past! Of all the options for such a character this to me would be the most fun. Have him be rich and attractive as well to make him even more of a threat for Sidney to sweat over. He can be a good guy at heart who sincerely likes Charlotte or he could just be showing interest in her to mess with Sidney – or a bit of both! Maybe this guy’s actually in love with Eliza and this is all a ploy to get to her! Whatever, it’s all good to me. (CAST DAVID OAKES AS THIS DUDE)

Sidney and Eliza have an honest confrontation. Like I want to see Sidney directly challenge Eliza on this idea that they can just recapture what they used to have when it must be so obvious to her by now that it’s impossible. Eliza being forced to face that Sidney will never love her again, even with time, and questioning if what she really wants is another loveless marriage. I’m into Eliza being the bitchy villainess most of the season but it’d be great too if this story ends with her giving up Sidney graciously.

SIDNEY BEING A WRECK. Especially when season 2 opens. He’s drinking and staying out all night. He’s got a beard of sadness growing in. He’s self-destructive. It gets bad enough that his friends and Tom have to say something (maybe this leads to the big blowup with Tom?). Maybe Eliza even gets desperate enough to ask Charlotte to talk to him lol. I just wanna see Sidney Not Able To Deal and trying to drown out the pain.

Sidney and Arthur becoming closer! To me it feels like Arthur and Sidney don’t know each other that well, perhaps because Arthur was a fair bit younger and was off at school while Sidney was already grown up and running off to Antigua and whatnot. Arthur really proved his quality in season 1 and it’d be lovely for them to bond, especially for Sidney to be closer to a brother who doesn’t need or expect him to look after his interests. And for Arthur to get validation and affection from his distant older brother who he cares for a lot but who hasn’t paid much attention to him in turn for a long time.  

Lady Susan whisking Charlotte off to London to cheer her up and introducing her to a bunch of eligible bachelors. I’d love it if this was how the new season began, with Charlotte going to London and not expecting to see Sidney and hoping she doesn’t, but of course she does. And this can be how Charlotte meets the new rival love interest I really want lol. Gigi should be around for this too! Have the two friends reunite at a London party before they eventually return to Sanditon together.

Sidney and Charlotte skinny dipping together! Lmao but seriously! Maybe this can be a scene that happens when the drama is all over and they’re free to be together, like either when they’re engaged or even already married. Maybe it’s the last scene of them in the show, even? It’s poetic, okay!

Edward being a more substantial villain figure and Clara showing up pregnant with his kid! Lol I feel like these two could as easily not return at all next season but if they do, I wanna see Edward level up his villainhood and for Clara to return in a big way, showing you should never count her out. I’d like to see them cause problems for Esther and Babington somehow to give those two something else to grapple with while navigating their first year of marriage together.

LAST BUT NOT LEAST – a backstory twist revealing that Sidney is the illegitimate son of Georgiana’s father, and it’s the real reason why Sidney was entrusted with looking after her! This felt like such an obviously great twist to me all of season 1 and I kept waiting for it to happen. It contextualizes EVERYTHING so perfectly. It would do a lot to explain Sidney’s strained position when it comes to where he stands with the other Parkers. Why he has so little self-worth and feels like he’s gotta do dramatic things like destroy his own happiness for their sake. He’s secretly been a Fake Parker this whole time and so there’s that much more pressure to prove himself to them. It’s a big part of why he went off on Charlotte that night at the ball, when she essentially told him he’s nothing like his two brothers, something that is an inadvertently sensitive subject for him. It explains why Sidney looks nothing like his siblings lol. It could be the reason why he went to Antigua when he was looking for an escape from his Eliza depression years ago. Like he thought maybe he should go meet his real father who he just found out about from his mother, or perhaps Mr. Lambe wrote him a letter revealing the truth, etc. Sidney’s looking for an anchor and tries to connect with him, goes into business with him via the sugar trade against his better judgment, ends up largely regretting the whole experience. Unexpectedly comes away from it with a young half-sister who he is now responsible for and to whom he can’t reveal the truth of their relationship because it’s such a complicated source of shame for him. He probably hasn’t ever told Tom the truth let alone this girl who resents him immediately. He thinks it’s better to just keep Georgiana at arm’s length even though his obligation to her as both guardian and secret older brother makes him want to do better by her, even though he doesn’t really know how yet. I was dying for this to be true because I know it could lead to some deeply poignant scenes between him and Gigi once she found out. I know it’s unlikely now and they probably didn’t put as much thought into this backstory beyond some boring life debt to her father, but I still want it to come true, and there’s no reason it can’t still come to fruition I think. It’d be an amazing revelation to use towards further developing and fixing Sidney and Georgiana’s relationship. They already act like siblings, too, and a twist that reveals they were actual siblings all along would be quite cathartic. I’d really love to see how it would affect Gigi, too, who seemingly has no family left alive and has felt so isolated. MY KIDS DESERVE THIS STORY LINE BASICALLY.  

[jjba-arni-reblog]

Connection

Alright! This is a bit different. This is a special gift from me to @rasasvavda - an incredible artist who I commissioned an amazing piece. This is my part, my appreciation for the author and her work. The story follows DIO and her OC Akali. The artist provided me with quite some information to work with. This small fic reflects on key moments in their relationship as the two of them slowly realize one’s feelings. There are also soulmate themes established at the start of the work.

@rasasvavda there ya go!~~~ I HOPE you’ll like it! It was a pleasure and a challenge to write for such interesting character! I appreciate your work and support and I wish you only the best!

Words: 3K (damn, I got invested)

A world where not only stand users are connected, but also lovers. Soulmates. While the regular people could feel each other’s soulmate’s emotions, for stand users it was quite different. Being connected by the stands, the soulmate connection wasn’t as prominent and could be easily missed. No wonder they are so little stories of two soulmates finding each other. Their emotions affect their soulmate’s stand, changing their attack power, speed and sometimes even appearance. One could only hope to find the connection between a person and one’s stand changing. So, it was rare, yet not impossible. And those who succeed to find one’s soulmate, found the connection between one another even stronger than stand users might feel. All it takes is to realize one’s feelings and show the stand.

~ ~ ~

“Introduce yourself to me, DIO” the man on the throne commanded.

“My name is Akali, in Punjabi it means The follower of the Immortal One“ the woman explained to the man before her.

“That’s quite ironic knowing who is standing before you” he noted.

“Certainly” Akali answered, trying her hardest to not roll her eyes at the ego of the blonde.

“What do you search for? What does one crave?” DIO asked eyeing the woman, trying to find any sight of fear or reluctancy. None were present, which made the lord smirk.

“For now, these is no pain or revenge in my heart, I am a simple follower, searching for the luxuries of life. By serving you one might obtain such privileges” Akali explained, still no fear present in her eyes.

“Then join me, you could be a great addition to my followers. I can give you wealth, power, anything your soul desires” the blonde confidently proclaimed.

“But don’t expect me to kiss your ass, lord DIO” Akali replied, hoping to establish herself early in this working relationship.

“Ho?~ What a sharp tongue you have. One does not refer to me, DIO, in such way, but I’ll let it pass this time as I could see that your sharpness comes from the passion and strength within you. This once, I will ignore such comment. I can’t wait to witness your power and dedication, Akali.”

“Likewise” the woman smirked. It is going to be an interest work.

~ ~ ~

“Tell me about your culture, Akali. I have noticed that you take great pride in it” the man suddenly spoke out one evening.

It seems like the Lord Dio has heard of Kali’s encounter with some of his fewer notable servants, that deemed themselves appropriate enough to try and discourage you from longing for culture. Unfortunately for them, they were quickly shut down by woman’s sharp remarks as she wasn’t too keen on letting some scumbags put stereotypes on her.

“I respect your strong desire for the connection with your culture, in contrast with simple-minded peasants that can only retort to seemingly pointless arguments and even less intelligent opinions” DIO pointed out, unusual praising words leaving his mouth.

“Why such interest, Lord Dio?” Kali raised her eyebrow, not trusting the man before her. After all he was also known for his cruel and sharp words, not mentioning punishments.

“It is a simple interest of mine to educate myself. Learn about other talented individuals as well as simply acquiring knowledge of other cultures” he answered while approaching the cupboard to find a bottle of wine together with two glasses.

“So, the lord Dio thinks of me this highly?” her teasing tone didn’t go unnoticed by the blonde as the man let out a deep chuckle, finding himself in a rather interesting situation.

“Perhaps, who knows?” lord DIO answered, not bothering to elaborate further.

The two of them didn’t need to worry about getting drunk as both had high alcohol tolerance, instead drinking to relax and continue with intellectual conversations. As Akali told DIO about her culture, sometimes even switching to German when needed, the time went on quickly, the pair surprisingly maintained the conversation on equal terms, being respectful and even understanding of each other opinions, even if they didn’t always match.

After some time, the conversation switched to makeup products, in this case – lipsticks.

“May I ask you, lord DIO, about your taste in lip products, since I have witnessed your unique appearance and tastes” Kali asked a bit unsure if the man before her will even consider her question. Yet she had to try her luck.

“You may. I am a man of diverse interests and lip products are one of those things, I have couple of products in my collection, you may have seen me wearing a particular green one around the mansion. Such colour is one of those that I, DIO, tend to prefer” he explained then continuing “But I have also noticed that you seem to share interest in lip products as well, as your usual appearance is complimented by a dark lilac purple lipstick. Frankly saying, such colour choice has also sparked my interest as it is not the usual tone one might wear daily, however…it does suit you” lord DIO has surprised Kali, earning a look of confusion from her as she couldn’t believe his positive words.

“It is the highest praise to hear such words from the Lord DIO” she commented, taking a sip of her wine to cover her smirk. The man mirrored her movements, letting out a chuckle.

“Of course”

~ ~ ~

“Dio……” she almost whispered, shaking at the movements of the bug that has now started crawling towards her, making the woman panic slightly, praying that the bug would change direction. The said man was reading a book while sipping some wine, clearly not present mentally in the situation occurring next to him.

“Mhm?” he simply mumbled, not noticing Kali’s state, not looking up from his book still.

“Fucking kill it!” the woman screamed, jumping on the table to escape the crawling monster.

Being startled by her sudden move, Dio was quick to find the source of Kali’s panic. Spider was slowly but surely crawling to the stand user, making Dio smirk at such bizarre behaviour.

DIO took the small knife situated on the table (for whatever reason it was there) and in the matter of seconds, threw it, instantly killing the bug. Turning to Kali, DIO raised an eyebrow trying his hardest not to chuckle at the woman. Noticing this, she quickly jumped down.

“DON’T” she simply stated, knowing fully that once the man had started, there will be no stopping him from his teasing commentaries.

“What an interesting sight to witness…Perhaps I, DIO, have a luck on my side today, allowing me to see another side of my precious servant” the blonde said, noticing the annoyed yet a bit flustered expression of Kali. He took in her form, hoping to remember every single detail about her embarrassed yet sharp features. This side of her was new to him and DIO was more than happy to discover more.

~ ~ ~

“What is going on?” was the first thing DIO said when finding Kali cuddling with her stand, cigarette in her lips. She was sitting on the couch with the balcony door open, not wanting to smoke indoors but still wanting to enjoy the softness of the couch. A cup of expensive coffee was situated on the cupboard next to the couch, making it easier for the stand user to reach without necessary breaking the hug. However, the bottle of stronger liquor was placed right next to the cup, implying that the last mission might not have been a complete success.

“Nothing really, lord DIO” the voice tried to reassure the man…rather unsuccessfully as DIO could feel that the tone was false, fake. The tone that tried its hardest to lie about being okay, about not needing help, about current situation.

“If I may note, this coping behaviour is unhealthy for one to have, especially in the presence of me, DIO, himself” his words came out strong, perhaps too strong as he could see the woman letting out a deep sight, making her stand disappear and quickly finishing the cigarette.

“I apologize, lord DIO, this won’t happen again” Akali reassured him with an unemotional tone. No snarky remarks, no comebacks. Nothing. As she was about to stand and leave the room, DIO motioned her to stop, instead getting himself a glass of wine then returning to the couch.

“Speak”

“What about?”

“Whatever bothers you. Or anything. Just speak. It is better than drinking your problems away. I do not wish to see my servants in such state, especially one as strong and useful as you, Kali”

“I…” she thought for a minute, trying to come up with any excuse not to reveal her anxieties. Yet the presence of her lord brought her comfort rather than fear. So maybe this once…maybe she’ll allow herself to be honest.

“Alright”

It was the first time DIO called her Kali, yet it wasn’t the last…

~ ~ ~

“Lord DIO, may I request something?” Kali approach the man as he was reading a book, quickly turning his attention to the visitor.

“What is it?” DIO asked, however there wasn’t a sharp edge in his tone. Not when she was around.

“May I request someone to train with me? Someone from your other servants perhaps. My stand requires attention to offence so having a partner to help with improving my attacks would be beneficial to my work” the woman stated, waiting for the answer of her lord.

“That is very thoughtful of you, Kali” the nickname resonated with her soul, making her feel flustered hearing how her name sounded coming from her lord’s mouth. Pleasant and almost hypnotizing.

“Sadly, I recall that no stand users are present today in this mansion, seemingly trying to find more information for me, DIO” The blonde explained then pausing for a moment “However, I, DIO, am willing to help you with the training. After all, I should be aware of any progress or weak sides my servant may have.”

“I….thank you, lord DIO I don-“ Akali excitedly answered before being interrupted by the lord.

“But I won’t reveal my stand. No matter how much I trust you, I furthermost need to take precautions. Practically no one knows about my stand’s ability and I’d rather leave it that way” DIO explained, crossing his arms after finishing.

“I understand. I am thankful for your offer to train with me. Thank you, DIO” she finished, quickly realizing her mistake “I mean LORD DIO, I apologize I-“

“DIO is fine, after all, you are one of the closest servants of mine and I could say that I trust you enough to allow such change” the blonde smirked at the panicked expression “however, one shall refer to me, DIO, only in private as to not let the speculations appear” he finished.

“Of course, DIO. Shall we start?” Kali asked. The man nodded.

Maybe having her use his name isn’t such a bad idea…

~ ~ ~

A pleasant smell could be noticed as DIO walked past the kitchen. Getting curiosity overwhelm him, DIO opened the door, noticing as familiar figure softly singing as they gathered ingredients.

Kal’s hair was now put into a high ponytail, making her appearance even more noticeable to DIO. He continued to stare at her back, not quite knowing what to do in such bizarre situation yet also not wanting to interrupt the singing.

“Is there anything you need, lord DIO?” the voice cut through the song, surprising DIO as he was known for his stealth and quiet, almost silent steps. The woman turned towards him, motioning him to enter the kitchen.

“What is the reason behind this?” straight-forward as usual the lord was.

“I simply decided to cook, to relax and enjoy good food” Akali answered as the matter of fact, not pausing to explain further to DIO, instead getting out other ingredients for the dish, carefully unpacking them. Then she spoke again “Also, since I know that you are not too keen on eating, I got you wine and blood” she motioned to the countertop where the two bottles were situated.

Hearing the reasoning DIO felt something within him clench. Homemade dishes, it was a while since he had them…it was too long ago, memories hidden somewhere within the lord as he never thought to have felt such atmosphere again. Not here, not now.

Yet a small part of him wasn’t complaining as the blonde eyed the figure concentrating on the task before her, not noticing the sharp gaze of her lord. DIO could see the small smile grace her strong feature. It was a rare sign, to see Kali this relaxed, this content with her situation, this…happy.

This familiar feeling…this long forgotten comfort and warmth

~ ~ ~

Not everyone was loyal to the lord DIO and at some point, the traitors reveal themselves. However, one could expect them to team up, trying to overtake the mansion to find all the gold and treasures hidden within it. Trying, that is.

However, the teaming up surely worked in they favor, as they succeeded in surprising the lord and his servant. Akali was quick to get ready into position, fully prepared to protect the man from the attackers. However, as the feeling of annoyance came (due to realizing that another useless group of wannabe killers is needed to be taken care of), the stand wasn’t

“Stop this, immediately” DIO ordered, however the woman didn’t seem to hear anything or didn’t want to.

“You can’t me tell what to do, let me handle it” she responded growling at the attackers.

“It seems like I can” the blonde then said, his voice sounding confused at a sight before him. Her stand, it has changed. Slightly but nonetheless it changed. Der Maister attacked carefully as if not to drain its stand user too much, trying to figure out who to attack first in order to not hurt its user. Der Maister seemed to be slightly anxious despite Akali looking confident, meaning that such emotion had a different source. DIO. This small amount of worry for the woman manifested itself in her stand, using precise movements that DIO was known for. As if reflecting the man need to make sure that his servant is alright, the stand changes its approach accordingly.

Noticing the change and realizing what is happening, DIO couldn’t help but to look at the scene in bewilderment. So that does exist? And the universe was kind enough to allow DIO himself to find his soulmate? As a slight worry came, Kali’s stand started to drain her energy more, prompting DIO to make a crucial decision.

“Kali” the voice called from behind, surprising the woman with the note of happiness that could be heard.

“What-“ she turned around, stopping in her tracks as she saw a new figure next to DIO. His stand. For the first time he let his stand out, in front of others, in front of her. The stand radiated the same powerful energy that the lord had. It suited him. However, something was off. There wasn’t a need to let the stand out, she had the situation under control as her stand quickly took care of the traitors. Yet here it was, standing next to lord DIO, eyeing the woman before him.

“There’s no need, DIO. I could handle this” Akali said, still not believing that she has the luxury to finally witness the strongest stand there is.

“I let it out to observe. Say, Kali, what are your feelings about me, DIO?” came the question.

“What’s this question out of the sudden?” the woman asked confused at the change of topic.

“Just answer me, Kali”

“I am devoted to you, DIO. As a servant and…as a friend, if you’ll allow me to call you such. I look up to you, hoping to protect you from any useless attacks of your enemies. I feel….content being by your side, in one way than another. That’s the truth” Akali said, feeling the slight worry overtake her. Maybe she said too much, revealed too much even though she tried her hardest to act reasonably, to not let personal feelings get a hold of her.

Feeling his stand to get stronger, DIO couldn’t help but to smirk. This has fully confirmed his theory. They have found each other. Letting his stand approach the remaining attackers, DIO continued.

“It seems like the universe has different plans for us, Kali” he let his stand take out the attackers, making sure that the woman’s stand didn’t use too much of its energy.

“My feelings are mutual, Kali. And it seems that our stands’ reactions reveal another interesting aspect…” DIO continued before Akali interrupted him.

“Soulmates…We are soulmates” the realization hit her as she reflected on her stand’s changes as well as DIO’s words “I…” she didn’t know what to say, how to react towards the new acquired information.

“As I said, the feelings are mutual” DIO said now approaching the woman. The attackers were defeated as expected, making the two of them withdraw their stands. Feeling the lord DIO put his hand on her neck, she couldn’t help but to feel slightly nervous yet excited. DIO shared her feelings…

“Kali, do you wish to stay by my side, not as a servant…” he chuckled tracing soft patterns on her neck, waiting for her response.

“I do, if you’ll allow me” she answered with a small smile on her exotic features. Such small beautiful moment wasn’t unnoticed by DIO, who now started to lower his head towards the woman. Even with her wearing high heels, the difference in the height was still present. Kali could feel her cheeks redden slightly, meeting DIO’s strong gaze as she could feel new feelings overtake her. Those feelings that had built with time, with each interaction, small remark and comfortable silence. Those feelings that one could finally reveal not being afraid of rejection.

In the world of soulmates and stand users, the universe isn’t too kind on letting the both aspects meet. Yet there is always a small chance, a small glint of hope in one’s soul longing to find its soulmate. And today, two more were allowed such luxury. Two souls, connected at last.

[stusbunker]

An Olive Branch and a Crossroads

For Better or Worst Series: Chapter Ten

Gif found on Tenor

Featuring: Sam Winchester x Emery Simmons-Winchester (OFC)

Other Characters: Castiel, OC Bandit

Series 14 AU

Word Count: 2196

Summary: Castiel interrupts, Sam questions and Emery reveals.

Series Masterlist

^*^*^

Urgency hung in the air as Castiel roamed through the crowds, his eyes somehow his strongest asset in a search now. Time marched on and he grew older and Heaven’s light waned from his being more rapidly than both, exponentially so. He was anxious because he had been on the West Coast when the news came through and he didn’t want Sam to be subdued again. They couldn’t keep dragging their feet, not with real progress after so long without answers. He was overdressed in the bright sunlight, trench coat earning him glances he was once unaware of but had long since minded. The booths were filled with every local delicacy, smells and voices overwhelming in their temptations. He misheard his name with every cash only vendor and each whisper about finding an ATM.

Eventually, he felt he had lost his chance, having searched through every face in the sea of affluence. Dejected, Cas stepped out of the stream of foot traffic to text on his phone just to be jostled by someone as they collided with his sturdy frame. A canvas bag fell at his feet and he bent to pick it up.

“Uh, here, you dropped—.” His body instantly stopped moving, thoughts rolling in panic.

“Sorry, God, I’m so sorry,” exclaimed a hand covered mouth beneath mischievous eyes. Castiel softened as he saw how worried she was, sensing honest concern in her.

“It’s alright, Emery, no harm no foul.” He shook his head, brushing off the awkwardness, holding her nearly empty bag out genteelly.

She hesitated, before taking the bag and tucking it back onto her shoulder, brow knit in confusion. She crossed her arms, “I’m sorry--- do I know you?”

Cas swallowed, just as he was about to take his turn with apologies, Sam caught up with them. Eyes darting amongst them until the tense moment evolved into a nervous stalemate of confusion and disastrously avoiding setting Sam off.

“Uh, guys?” Sam’s deep voice shattered the bubble of quiet.

“Sam—” Cas began.

              “What’s up? We just bump—” Emery started explaining.

Sam’s eyebrows did the thing where his forehead jumped two more inches, though he leaned in so far, he effectively shrank. “Cas, what are you doing here? Is everything alright?”

Cas focused Sam with his quintessential exasperated expression and sighed, “I don’t know, Sam. Is it? You texted me.”

Emery bit her lip as she watched the men huff at each other and communicate so thoroughly without saying anything of consequence. Sam ran his hand through his hair and the man in the jacket stood impatiently. She was almost concerned, if the whole thing wasn’t so suddenly intense; she found it all funny by sheer bafflement.

“Did you---?” Sam held up his hand waiting to see what had transpired before his arrival.

“No,” Castiel said flatly. “I didn’t say anything, in fact, she ran into me.”

“Well, you did say my name, so that was a bit of a faux paus,” Emery muttered, sneaking in a slight challenge as she raised her eyes at Castiel’s renewed annoyance. Sam bit his lips and slammed his eyes shut.

“Fine, whatever. Emery, this is Castiel. Cas, this is my-- wife,” Sam spat the last word at the angel like it was his fault.

Cas nodded at Emery. “It’s nice to meet you, finally.”

Sam shook his head at Cas’s words, but Emery perked up, holding out her hand for him to shake.

“I don’t understand, I thought--,” Cas smiled despite himself at the warmth in Emery’s eyes.

“Oh, he’s still pissed. But, it’s nothing new for me. Now, how do you know Sam?” Emery leaned in to conspire with Cas as they walked out of the farmers’ market.

“Well, uh, we go way back. You could say we used to work together?” Castiel suggested feebly.

Emery laughed out loud, “No. But, really? I mean, he’s texting you, risking a whole fucking lot, in the process. Who are you?”

“Guys? Maybe we should have this conversation in private?” Sam pinched the bridge of his nose, the telltale headache that Cas’s presence brought flaring up again.

“Sure can! So, Cas? How do you feel about pheasant?” Emery chirped overtly cheeky.

^*^*^

              An hour later, the at odds couple and the persistent angel were seated in the den. Bandit lay, unimpressed, between Emery and Cas on the large sectional. Sam sat on the steps, forearms resting on his knees as he didn’t drink his beer.

              “What do you remember?” Emery shoved the ball into Sam’s court, fierce and frank, cherry bombing them to the crux of the conversation. He inhaled and closed his eyes, “I remember a lot, Emery, but most of it isn’t real. I remember us dating up to proposing on Christmas Eve. I remember you getting the offer to move here. Our whole relationship, before.”

              “Where would all of that come from?!” Emery stared back at Cas, shocked. Before circling back to Sam. “Do you remember the real stuff too? The deal, Naomi, the wedding? Any of it?”

              Sam cleared his throat and stretched his neck, “Yeah, that’s there too. But some of it hurts? Like it’s been buried.”

              “We need to know more about the deal, Emery. Why did Sam have to leave? What exactly are the stakes?” Castiel leaned in, squinting as Emery tried to keep herself calm.

              She nodded, smiling sadly at Sam. “I don’t know what Sam promised, exactly. I just know that neither of us could go back to our old lives, if we went back, even one of us, everything was lost. No do overs or take backs. They bound us together, to keep us accountable. Because we would have already sacrificed ourselves as the means to our ends. Depending on each other kept us each invested. I feel like I’m not being very clear. But, um, so, whatever Sam needed help with was huge, right?”

              Sam and Cas shared a look, but Sam answered with a tight, “you could say that.”

              “Okay, me too. But they knew we wouldn’t stop badgering them--,” Emery gave a knowing look to Sam. “On our own, so to keep us in line, they stuck us together. If I go back or after them, or anything like my old life. Sam could die. If Sam goes back or starts nagging them or whatever his equivalent is, I could. It’s all soul deep stuff, instant repercussions without them having to be here to witness it.”

              “True marriage?” Cas said softly. “A soul bond? That is very old magic.”

              “Can it be undone?” Sam asked Cas, ignoring Emery’s slight intake of breath.

              “Not by any means I know of,” Cas answered with wide, pressing eyes. “If the deal is fulfilled, perhaps, but I don’t know how they did it in the first place.”

              “Hold on!” Emery sat up; arms raised to the men on either side of her. “The deal isn’t the problem, that we both agreed to. The problem is Sam doesn’t remember what’s real. He doesn’t--- we don’t--- we need to sort out what or who is messing with his head. And why.”

              Sam watched Emery as she finished off her wine, setting the empty glass on the coffee table with a tightness in her every move, snapping back into the corner, watching the entire room.

              “Were you a hunter?” Sam’s question landed heavy, deflating their momentum.

              Emery’s eyes dilated, but her voice came out evenly, “No, what does that have to do with anything I just said?”

              Cas watched them, untold emotions warring within each Sam and Emery, and with their untrusted halves.

              Sam shrugged sarcastically. “I was. And I’m not talking Bambi.”

              Emery stabbed her tongue into her cheek and glared at Sam, “I know what you meant, Sam. We’re having drinks with your buddy the renegade angel. I get the whole spectrum of things that go bump in the night, okay? Stop treating me like a victim. You don’t have to ease me into it. I’ve been here.”

              “When did Sam, stop acting like himself?” Cas broke in before they raised their voices. “Did something happen? Did you meet someone new? Have any uninvited guests?”

              “You mean stop acting like an asshole?!” Emery replied tersely. “Because as soon as that spell was set, wooo, let me tell you, he picked up a bottle of Johnny Walker and didn’t look back.”

              “Not exactly,” Cas floundered.

              “It’s okay, let her get it out. Maybe she can remember when I started acting like a love drunk teenager. So demented that I suddenly became—”

              “Kind? A gentleman? Not some bitter slob, who needed to blame everyone but himself. Even Heaven, you know, the ones who were just trying to help?!

              Sam stood up, bracing himself for a thorough verbal onslaught. Emery tisked at Sam’s position as an overreaction and rolled her eyes.

“When, Emery? Don’t worry about him,” Cas pressed, arm out as if to restrain Sam. They bore into her with attention as she looked forward, and unfocused her eyes. Slowly she relaxed and just when she couldn’t seem to place when the shift had occurred; everything fell into place.

“Our anniversary,” Emery spoke into her fingertips, like a kid catching themselves do something wrong. She looked up to Sam, who waited for more, clearly not remembering what she had. “It was one month here, and I didn’t know why, but you remembered. Surprised me with a gift but never mentioned it. From then on, you were different. Nice even.”

              Cas glanced over to Sam, who was visibly swallowing, throat tight. “I don’t remember buying you anything.”

              “What was the surprise, Emery? Where was it?” Cas asked softly, the realization clearly affecting her.

              She looked up at Sam, eyes glistening with tears and attempted to smile. “Perfume.”

              Sam slammed his eyes closed and nodded. “Of course, God, yeah, that’d do it. Fuck!”

^*^*^

              Emery had surrendered their bedroom to a thorough investigation by Sam and Cas before they delved any deeper. Cas promised to have the perfume examined to see if its origin could be established. Finding nothing else sinister, they gave in and humored Emery by sitting down to dinner. Hesitant, yet desperate, Castiel approached Emery’s loyalty to the deal.

              “I know you want to believe they are helping you, but I assure you, Naomi only does something if it benefits her cause,” he warned.

              “Castiel, I know you have your own history with Naomi. But I have to believe this will work. If everyone benefits, why question it?” Emery had the soft forgiveness to her expression that Sam had grown to love and hate in equal measure. Perhaps not hate so much as envy, he longed for her blind faith like a child missed a cherished blanket.

              “Emery, there’s things you need to understand about us,” Sam started.

              “I’ve lost too many brothers and sisters trying to fix Heaven’s injustices,” Cas’s voice was low, yet not quite patronizing. “I will not lose Dean, too, because you refuse to listen to reason.”

              Emery recoiled at the suggested vengeance in Cas’s tone. Sam instinctively rubbed her back, trying to soothe them both. Emery didn’t miss that it was the first time he’d touched her in days. When he realized it, he pulled back in clumsy movements.

              “Cas? Let me explain it to her?” Sam offered, waiting for Cas to understand what he was implying.

              “You want to do that alone,” Cas surmised after a few beats. “Very well. But I’m not going to remain idle.”

              “Nobody is saying you have to, man. As for us, Emery and I—.” Sam looked to his wife trying and failing to see any leeway.

              “We’ll be in touch,” Emery finished. After Cas begrudgingly said goodbye, Sam and Emery sat eating with nothing but a faint playlist to break the silence.

              “I’m going to ask, just because it will gnaw at us both if I don’t--- but, Em, you have to be straight with me,” Sam, who had been speaking at the lazy-Susan, finally met Emery’s curious stare. “Did you have anything to do with the love potion? Do you know anything about where it came from?”

              Emery shook her head at Sam’s questions, eyes locked on his face, open, honest. He wanted to trust her in a way that made him frustrated to be inside his own skin. How could he be so upset and still determined to stick to her side? How long before he could trust himself around her again? Sam licked his lips and nodded, acknowledging her answers without pressing for more.

              “Can you do me a favor while I clean up the kitchen?” Sam stood, stacking their plates.

              “Sure? What’s up?” Emery perked up at the casual direction the conversation took.

              “Mind taking a shower?” Sam requested. “It’s just--- I have a lot to tell you and I want to be sure that I get the reactions you’re having and not the ones I want to see.”

              Though slightly off put by his diligence, she agreed, letting the last traces of the cursed fragrance disappear with a fresh bar of soap and plenty of hot water.

^*^*^

Read On: The Wife She Was Never Meant To Be

[dragon-zena]

all your troubles in my hair

Fandom: Mob Psycho 100

Relationship: Serizawa Katsuya/Reigen Arataka

Characters: Serizawa Katsuya, Reigen Arataka, Kageyama “Mob” Shigeo, Kageyama Ritsu, Kageyama Siblings’ Parents, Dimple

Additional Tags: Hurt/Comfort, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, reigen has horrible coping mechanisms: the fic, Spoilers for Chapter 100, OVA spoilers, Anxiety, Depression, Therapy

Summary: Neither of them are naïve enough to believe that love is meant to solve all of their internalized issues.

Read it on AO3!

Neither of them are naïve enough to believe that love is meant to solve all of their internalized issues.

They both have bad days; it's not something that really comes to a surprise to Katsuya, especially after months of being together.

Katsuya has days where he feels like he's been in a loop, a dream that he'll wake up from, still stuck in his childhood bedroom. Sometimes, he smells the trash, the dirty laundry. He sits up in bed, and there's nothing but white noise under his skin, roaring in his ears. Days where he wants to lock himself in the bathroom, hands shaking.

As time goes on, he has less and less of these days, but even still, sometimes he'll be riding the train with Arataka, towards an apartment that they share more often than not, and he'll look out of the window, admiring just how bright the moon is. And then he'll look at Arataka, leaning into his side with an old newspaper, and he'll watch those long eyelashes flutter as he skims each page, right to left, and there is a small flicker of fear within him—the thought that he might lose experiences like these, again, someday.

And while he's honest about his feelings, sometimes—ironically enough—he just wants to lock them up in a room and throw away the key. When the nights are harder to sleep through, nightmares chasing him into wakefulness, Katsuya almost feels frustrated, angry.

Arataka notices (he always notices), and Katsuya can't ever decide if he wants his boyfriend to ask about whether he wants to talk, or if he would rather be left alone. Whatever he chooses always feels like the wrong answer. He doesn't know if there is a right answer, not after days where he lies in bed feeling awful about a comment made with more snark than usual, or days where he can't make himself speak, at all, days where only the wrong things come out of his mouth. Arataka never takes it personally, but it fills Katsuya with inexplicable vitriol.

He's been working on all of it, having found a therapist that actually understands him after years of having to interact with therapists that he felt never gave a shit about him. He's started to categorize his days, coping by journaling his moods and triggers, what makes him feel this way. What makes him feel better, what feels safe for him. It helps.

Arataka doesn’t have a therapist, doesn’t think that he needs one. It’s something that used to bother Katsuya, the thought that maybe Arataka thought that only certain people needed a therapist—that maybe he thought he was too good for one. But the longer that he experiences loving him, the more he realizes that the man is doing his damnedest to just internalize his issues and move on as though they don't exist. Katsuya thinks that maybe Arataka feels as though if he ignores his problems, he’ll be more credible to the people that need his help. If he ignores his problems, he won’t take up space and resources from people that “deserve it” more than he does.

If he ignores his problems, he’ll still be useful to someone, his accomplishments won’t be stripped away by whatever makes him wake up in cold sweats, whatever makes his face twitch minutely out of its normal placid expression, gone so fast that a stranger might think that they imagined it.

Katsuya is no stranger.

He can see it whenever Arataka gets too caught up in his newspaper on the train home, the way that he tenses up when Katsuya stands to get off, expecting him to follow. The way that Arataka suddenly jumps at the movement, quickly snatching one of Katsuya’s sleeves with wide, faraway eyes. The way that he can’t seem to settle when he’s without something to read, nothing to keep his mind off of the rattling of the train, the screech of the vehicle coming to a stop, the train cabin being thrown into darkness as they pass through a tunnel or under a bridge. The way that he’s always the last person to board the train and the first person off. The way he refuses to fall asleep, even when Katsuya offers him his shoulder.

He sees it in the aftermath of Shigeo’s last explosion. The two of them had waited with Shigeo and Dimple until his parents came to get him. Ritsu had reached them first, of course, and was promptly pulled into a hug by his older brother. The two of them let themselves feel for a few minutes, and Dimple hadn’t been too keen on leaving the two of them alone for a while, settling himself on top of Shigeo’s head like a languid cat. He was looking a little worse for wear, himself, small and a paler green than what he was before he disappeared.

Once the Kageyama parents arrived, Arataka had pushed himself up from his haphazard crouch, using Katsuya as a crutch and biting the inside of his cheek to stifle any pained sounds he made. He smiled genuinely, eyes glassy, and conversed quietly and respectfully with Shigeo’s parents, holding their children so closely. Returned their gratitude for the opportunity to know Shigeo when they had thanked him for looking after their son. Dimple had given Katsuya a significant look over Shigeo’s head when Arataka’s voice cracked, and he had nodded, eyebrows knitting together. When Shigeo had pulled Arataka into a hug before leaving, the man looked prepared to cry, again, and when Katsuya had lifted his young friend into a bear hug, telling him that he was so glad that he was safe, that he had come to a conclusion that made him feel at peace with himself, Shigeo had nodded, clutching him tighter, but he, too, had subtly asked Katsuya to look over his shishou. And Katsuya had nodded again, ruffling his hair and watching as he walked away with his parents.

It left Katsuya and Arataka alone. Not that it mattered, because the moment that the Kageyama car disappeared, Arataka had collapsed to his knees, wheezing in pain. Eyes bleary, he managed a raspy “I can’t afford any hospital bills, right now” before passing out, eyes rolling back into his head. Katsuya only panicked a little, hurriedly bundling him up in his arms and beginning to make his way back from whence the two of them came. With Arataka unconscious, buried in Katsuya’s arms, he had been able to start digesting what happened once he had let the other man walk into Shigeo’s tornado. He thought about how dangerous (and brave, but mainly dangerous) the choice Arataka made was, how quickly he had lost sight of him in the cycle of dusty wind and debris. He thought about what Arataka had planned to leave behind.

The suit jacket. The dress shoes.

They never discuss it fully, not for lack of trying. It’s just, well.

Arataka throws himself into his work, deflecting “personal problems” when they’re working, invested strictly into his mask of professionalism, even when there are no clients. The first time Katsuya tried to push him into talking about his emotions, the man began to talk circles around him, so quickly and with so much anxious fervor that Katsuya ended up at a loss of words, mind swimming. It only occurred to him later that Arataka had told him practically nothing, and he tried not to get frustrated about it. Katsuya subtly asks him about getting help and acknowledging his feelings multiple times, but the only other time that he pressed Arataka led to an argument that lasted for at least a week before they apologized to each other, and by then, it seemed as though the man had developed at least five more different coping mechanisms, none of them even remotely helpful. His sleep schedule has become absolutely ridiculous, and sometimes Katsuya sees his hands twitch for the emergency cigarettes that he keeps in the bottom drawer of his desk. He never goes for it, but he lately seems stressed enough to cave more sooner than later.

Sometimes, Arataka just parks himself next to Katsuya, back straight. He’s not close enough to comfortably reach for, but he’s there.

Tonight is one of those nights. It's Friday, and Katsuya can count on his hands the number of hours of sleep that Arataka has gotten throughout the entire week. Not only that, but something must have been happening to make almost every client that entered Spirits & Such unnecessarily hostile. At some point earlier, his boyfriend had attempted to call Shigeo, ask him if he wanted to come with them for "ramen or something, it’s up to you, really, Mob," but Shigeo had already made other plans. Arataka said that he hadn’t minded, and he probably didn’t, committed to the concept of “not distorting” anyone else with his presence. Even still, his smile seemed a little tighter after hanging up, informing Katsuya that it would just be them, tonight.

Arataka sits stiffly on the other side of the couch, and Katsuya acts like he’s not watching him through his peripheral while working on his math homework. He doesn’t know when he’s going to use this. Remembering Arataka’s frequent complaints about math, he opens his mouth to tell this to him, hoping to make the silence a little less unbearable. But the sight before him makes him pause, words caught in his throat.

His boyfriend is crying silent tears, lips pursed, eyebrows furrowed, nose crinkled. He makes no move to wipe his face, and Katsuya doesn’t think that he notices that he’s been caught until he moves a little closer, making him jump, head swiveling to stare at Katsuya. They both grimace at each other, an understanding passing between them, despite Arataka’s clear embarrassment at being caught crying.

“Arataka,” Katsuya breathes out, scooting a little closer to his boyfriend and cupping his face into his hands, thumbs doing their best to wipe away tears that don’t appear to be stopping anytime soon. “What do you need?”

Arataka curls in on himself, averting his eyes away from Katsuya’s worried face. He sniffs as though trying to suck the tears and snot back up, and Katsuya tries not to wince, heart clenching.

Arms wrapped around himself, Arataka admits, voice quavering, “I think I need help.”

It’s quiet, small and brittle, but it’s there. Katsuya pulls his lover into his arms, presses his head gently into the junction of his shoulder and neck, kisses his temple sweetly. “I’ll help you,” he says. “We can help each other.”

Arataka says nothing, but he presses a little harder into Katsuya. It's not long before the man falls asleep, exhausted. Katsuya kisses the crown of his head, buries his nose into coarse brown strands.

Neither of them are naïve enough to believe that love will solve all of their internalized issues, but Katsuya watches Arataka sleep, and he thinks, warmth blooming in his chest, "Thank god we have each other." It doesn’t take long for him to follow Arataka’s lead.

[therelativist]

Beaujester Is The Best and Here’s Why (an essay by Alpha Ray)

North vs South – Opposites Attract

Beau and Jester aren’t a likely couple. Beau is a standoffish butch who favours melee combat and knows little to nothing of magic. Her weapon of choice is simple – fists, elbows, knees. Quick and brutal. She’s a scrapper who hides her more academic interests behind the veneer of a jock. Meanwhile, Jester is a humorous trickster magic wielder who avoids melee as much as possible. A ‘leetle blue teefling’ who attracts people and befriends them easily. She’s loveable and loving in turn. As happy go lucky as they come. Hey

It feels like an unfortunate trope – the happy, well adjusted one fixes the gruff, standoffish traumatised one. But the second you look beyond the fronts the two characters put forward things seem very different.

Neither of them like to let people in and both utilise a front to prevent that. Jester focuses on others and never lets anyone too close. She takes any chance to deflect the conversation away from her and towards others. Beau takes the opposite approach, which is trying not to let people get close. Both require people to turn a more insightful eye towards them to get behind their barriers. Thankfully, both have high wisdom. Jester is slowly learning that she can express negative emotions without her friends abandoning her for not being the perfect, happy go lucky seed of joy and chaos she puts across whilst Beau is learning that she can be creative and can have friends and love those friends without opening herself up for abandonment. And they’re both teaching each other more healthy coping mechanisms including finding the balance between standing up for yourself and finding your own space, and being welcoming and friendly and creative and investing time in other people.

They bring out the best in each other. They’re different but they look out for each other and complement each other. Beau takes the melee and Jester takes the range when they’re trying to deal with an enemy with the monk doing her best to tank. And maybe they’re both very good liars, but they suck at lying to each other.

Compulsive Liars – How They Support Each Other

Marisha has described Beau as a liar and Jester certainly feels that she herself is one. Again, on surface glance it sounds like a recipe for disaster. And yet the conversation where this all came from came about as a result of them failing badly at lying to each other and responding by being honest. That’s what they bring out in each other.

Jester needs someone who will take her seriously and not dismiss her and her needs. She presents a cheerful demeanour which hides her real thoughts, hurts and feelings. This is something that probably came even from her childhood and feeling pressured to indicate to her mother that she was happy with her living situation as so not to stress her out.  Anyone who can’t read beyond that front runs the risk of encouraging Jester to further disinvest in herself and to focus on the other person. Thankfully, Beau’s demonstrated a determined ability to reach out to Jester and to take her seriously. She’s been the most successful at getting her to admit negative emotions in a way that displays clearly her understanding of Jester. But she doesn’t just encourage the acknowledgement of negative emotions, she encourages Jester to laugh and is willing to go along with her pranks and tricks. Beau takes every aspect of Jester seriously from the ones which are more fun and cheerful to the ones which aren’t necessarily pretty or nice or easy to deal with. Jester needs someone to talk to who will reassure her when needed but also still support her creative outlets and Beau has proven herself willing and able to do that. When travelling to Xhorhas, Beau played along with dramatically reading the smut book and with the jokey worship of Jester to convince the kobolds that she was a god instead of shutting Jester down or dismissing her. And Beau found it fun and laughed right along with her because of their relatively similar senses of humour. That didn’t start later, Beau and Jester have been pulling pranks and having fun since the first time they shared a room and decided to inform the guards that they were naked for no real clear reason beyond that they could and Jester wanted to.

As someone who struggles with her sense of self worth, anyone who isn’t willing or able to wholly appreciate and support Beau is ultimately going to be toxic for her. Thankfully, Jester has been championing the Beauregard Appreciation Squad from the start She’s built up Beau when other members of the party have torn her down, encouraged her to try things and supported her in her success. Jester respects Beau as an equal, and Beau likewise respects Jester. She values her opinion to the point where when Beau’s challenging Dairon about letting people in, Jester is the example she uses and who she talks about the most. Beau’s also learned that the way to get Jester to open up is to open up herself and to allow herself to be vulnerable, thus exposing things about herself that she’s ashamed of or would normally keep to herself. This degree of communication about real feelings and real hurt is unique to Jester.The fact that Jester let Beau expose herself and didn’t mock her but responded in kind is the best way to teach Beau that her friends do care about her and won’t let her down. Jester had the benefit of a loving mother but for Beau, who had parental issues, being able to admit that she loved someone must have been huge. Oh, and also they love each other.

Beau and Jester bring out the best in each other. They both tend to lock their feelings up and put up a front but they’re also both uniquely good at getting the other to admit their feelings and hurt and things that they’re ashamed of. They encourage more a healthy expression of emotions,better coping mechanisms in each other and are both pushing each other to make better life choices. Beau is receiving the support she wants but has never had, someone who believes in her and her abilities. Jester has found someone who doesn’t just love the happy parts of her but loves the angry and the sad and the hurt as well and encourages her to show her true feelings.

Jigsaw Puzzle - Fitting The Pieces Together

Beau and Jester have a surprising amount in common, not least their uncharacteristic willingness to open up to each other. Their senses of humour align, their love of the group and investment in their friends, their love of animals. Hell, they even adopted a dog together.

While they might favour different styles, both are ultimately scrappy fighters and enjoy fighting in arenas and bars, both with and against each other. They both enjoy friendly competition and neither are sore losers, Jester willingly accepting defeat in the Evening Nip and promising that she’d come out victorious next time. Plot twist, she didn’t but neither did Beau and they mostly fought alongside each other not against each other. They’re always willing to throw down and have each others backs.

They also share a love for animals and actually adopted a dog together (though Marisha seems to have forgotten this) to the point where Liam actually coined the ship name Lavorregard. Beau’s attempted care for Professor Thaddeus as well as owl Frumpkin shows an empathetic and emotional side she normally tries to conceal. She and Jester both have this protective instinct when it comes to animals and both crave their judgement free affection. They both were lonely growing up without many friends and as such it makes sense that they’d turn to animals to find that companionship. However, when separated from their animals they both very notably turned to each other and were surprised but relieved to find that same support and same concern shown from other people. They both have a lot of care to give and Beau, when Jester exposed herself, didn’t mock her and instead chose to support her and to show the depth of her care for her.

Most importantly, they have fun together. They find pleasure in each others company. They have similar morals (both prioritise their close circle over society at large but generally try to avoid doing too much harm and prioritize individuals over governments/countries). While Beau feels increasingly large scale social obligation due to being an Expositor-in-training, she has proved herself willing to break individual laws and not tied to any one country. They have both expressed willingness to work with the drow and a desire to understand them without simply dismissing them as evil and display an unwillingness to believe propaganda. However, both were down to fuck up a guy who was threatening Jester’s mother and ultimately put their close circle of friends and those they care about first.

They both find smut entertaining and both enjoy reading, though Beau is reluctant to admit her nerdier interests. They both enjoy pranking others and both have a flair for the dramatic. They also both have more vulnerable sides and both need someone to open up to who will understand and support them. They derive pleasure from each others company as well as being able to have emotionally heavier but vital conversations. They each allow the other to be honest about how they truly feel. They’re both young women who are encountering a milestone in their life and learning about the world. They also both love each other

Team Blue - The End

To conclude, they’re gay and in love and would have a surprisingly strong and healthy relationship based on mutual love and support as well as genuine enjoyment of spending time together. They never mock each other and always try to build the other up. They tend towards healthier coping mechanisms and more honest airings of their feelings when they’re together and bring joy to each other’s lives. They deserve each other in the best possible way.

Thank you for reading and have a nice evening.

[jordan202]

15x10 Review

At your demand, here it is!  Since you guys have flooded my inbox with requests, and I am now going to flood your timeline by replying to each one muahaha.

I have to say, I didn’t have many expectations going into the episode, which turned out to be great, because I was very positively surprised, especially with the finale(s). Let’s go through that.

Ok so, there is an established tendency in Grey’s to center subplots of an episode around the same common theme. For me, this episode was entirely focused on choices.

Catherine dealt with her choice to hide her cancer from her family and loved ones.

Meredith continued with her saga and her unavoidable upcoming choice between DeLuca and DeLink.

Bailey and Webber chose not to allow their mental health issues to dictate who they are.

Glasses chose to be Lenses.

Owen chose Amelia.

And I made my choice too.

 I will explain that better! Click on the expand button and join me on the ride!

The episode picks up in the immediate aftermath of the last installment. Tom is asking for Amelia’s help in coming up with a treatment plan for Catherine’s tumor, but it’s her mind isn’t very focused. She is tearing up, clearly distressed by the (IMO) very mature decision she and Owen just made to give each other time to process what’s going on. It’s not necessarily a breakup, more like a timeout to get your head out of the water and see things in a different perspective.

What I really liked about this scene was how obviously affected Amelia was. None of us like to see her suffering, of course, but it was a remarkable display of affection and longing for the man she loves, and the relationship she is so invested in. I remember last season one of my main criticisms about the way they were writing Amelia was that they gave a lot of focus to the repercussions of her post-tumor status at the workplace, but gave little room to her personal life. We saw how the tumor affected Amelia’s work skills, but we rarely got to see how her emotions were in her journey to figure out who was sans tumor.

This season however we are getting a full plate of Amelia’s feelings and thoughts, and so far I like this feast. I like that her vulnerable side is again at the table, because this is a character we can absolutely relate to.

Meanwhile, we see Teddy pursuing a job, so she of course, went to Bailey. Bailey is someone I used to admire a lot in the first seasons, but have come to quite dislike as the seasons progressed. I have to say though, she absolutely nailed it with her reaction to Teddy’s pregnancy. To me, her body language was saying “Oh, so you got yourself in this complicated situation, moved here at your own will without even bothering to check if you’d be welcome first, and now you’re acting like you’re a victim to your own demise? Yeah, I am not interested in hearing about that. Go find someone else to whine to.”

Bailey walking out of the situation is exactly what I felt like doing when I first learned about this storyline. It just seems excessively contrived, unnecessary, avoidable and absolutely unwelcome. No one needed that drama. No one.

But since the writers apparently weren’t done making Teddy even more of a pity case than she already has become, we had to witness her insulting both Maggie and Karev (probably the two people more like to back Amelia after Owen).

What bothered me about this moment isn’t the fact that Teddy was dumb enough to change her entire life without checking first. It wasn’t even the fact that she quit her job and changed continents to pursue a guy who clearly doesn’t want to be with her, and now acts like she is being demonized because she can’t get what she wants. It’s rather the way she arrogantly puts herself above others and talks down on people she doesn’t even know.

Owen appears and somehow, he looks hot and manly even when wiping his runny nose. Typical Owen to work even when he has the flu (as a pediatric intesivist, I wonder who gave them the flu in the first place?) That’s right, I am looking at you, you daycare virus carrying little monster.

Owen then learns that while Seattle has many hospitals, Teddy has chosen to work at the exact place he is in. Because that won’t make everything even more complicated, right? But apparently, as every other decision that Teddy makes that affects him too, he is not consulted and is the last one to find out. And whereas Owen has no say in where Teddy decides to work or not, her lack of courtesy and consideration for the way her decisions are affecting his life becomes quite highlighted here.

“Do you know that Alex Karev is interim chief?”

Uh, no Teddy, he doesn’t. He’s only been running a department at the hospital for a decade now, but has no idea who is in charge and who he should report to. HEHEHEHE 

Teddy is upset that Owen is angry with her, and she tells him that the only reason why she changed her entire life was FOR HIM. That’s right, FOR HIM. She immediately follows it with a “so that you could be a part of the baby’s life”. And I know this was not intentional, but talk about a Freudian slip. I will explain.

Never since this entire thing began (and this is one of the main reasons why I have a beef with this arc and the hypocrisy of the writers by saying they are not “making a triangle”, “putting woman against woman”, etc) Teddy has never really made it about the child. Instead, this is all about herself. About the sacrifices she’s done, what she wants, what’s better for herself. I didn’t see her making one decision based on what’s best for the baby. Initially, she was worried about how Owen would receive the news, worried that he might “claim her” for the wrong reasons, worried that she might be vilanized, etc. Aside from the first moment we found out she was pregnant, I haven’t seen Teddy expressing joy or taking comfort in the fact she is having a baby, or making it about the baby. By saying she “the entire reason I upended my entire life was for you,” to Owen, she is confirming with words what we’ve seen her doing with actions, which is pursuing Owen despite the fact he was horrible to her in Germany, pretty much ignored her presence ever since she arrived in Seattle, chosen Amelia over her repeatedly, and hasn’t done anything to deserve her consideration. Teddy’s lack of self respect added to her ulterior motives have turned her into someone quite hard to root for.

I mean, she was the one who had a steady job in Germany. According to herself, she had a good social life, a great job, friends, a system that supports mothers. If that was so great, why did she even move? By her description, life in Germany was better for her and for the baby, so how come Owen’s needs and wishes were placed before her own, at the point that she moved to Seattle for him?

Grey’s writers, you are doing a terrible job inspiring people out there who are in similar positions.

Anyway, the conversation ends with Owen pointing out that had Teddy not taken that long to inform him of the consequences of their action (and let me point out that not once Owen has even considered not taking responsibility for them, as he should), things might have not escalated so much. He used the words “Crap Situation.”  It really is a crap situation, because Owen is getting to have something that he has always longed for, but in the worst possible conditions. He’s always wanted a family, but having a baby with someone other than the woman he loves wasn’t what he had in mind and we all know it.  

Amelia shows up just in time to hear the last bit of the conversation, and without the context, she has every reason to be upset, especially considering we’ve seen how much she’s hurting over this. We’ve seen passive aggressive Amelia before, but passive aggressive vulnerable Amelia has got to be a fan favorite.

Casting Teddy aside, Owen is quick on his heels to chase her.

In the following scene, we see Owen trying his best to communicate and apologize, but Amelia is not going to make it easy for him. When I first watched this scene, my first thought was “great, now we’re back to season 13 and Amelia is pushing Owen away and torturing him and we’re gonna have to endure long weeks of that.”Thankfully, that was not the case. Sarcasm can be a real outlet to deal with hurt feelings, but it’s not funny when it’s a character’s (or person’s) only resource.

Tom is quick to meddle in the conversation and while at it, he is quick to pester Owen about his “flu”. “We’re busy. Way too busy to catch whatever it is that you’re losing a fight against, so…” It might seem Tom doesn’t care about what’s going on, but I see it as him taking Amelia’s side and helping her avoid dealing with a situation she is not exactly in a condition to confront right now.

After unsuccessfully trying to get Amelia to talk to him (Owen actually volunteering to talk about his feelings, what a nice change!), Owen accepts that it’s not happening and retreats. I honestly expect to witness many more of these little battles between Tom and Owen in the future, because the dynamics this can potentially have is very exciting.  It’s a nice clash of the Alpha Male versus the Omega Male and it’s a huge turn on. I need more of that in my screen instead of having to put up with Jackson Soy Boy Avery as the representation of masculinity on the show. 

Teddy then resorts to Maggie, but the conversation doesn’t go very well. As the current chief updates her on how the department is run, Teddy’s primary response is to make sure Maggie knew she was responsible for making improvements when she was in charge. Teddy preaches an honest exchange, and the hypocrisy of her claim added to the resentful way she made her remark lead Maggie to (rightfully) question her logic.

And instead of simply admitting that hiding her pregnancy for so long wasn’t right, which would have put an end to the conversation and probably embarrassed Maggie to bring out a personal issue during that professional conversation, Teddy just infuriates us even more by somehow trying to justify herself. 

I mean, I am not saying Teddy owes Maggie any kind of explanation, but she is the one who went to Maggie in the first place. If she wants to be considered as a candidate, and if she wants to work under Maggie, the least she can do is try to make a good impression. But nope, not gonna happen. Teddy might as well just keep playing her victim card.

Meanwhile, Amelia and Tom are still trying to figure out a way to approach Catherine’s tumor and he drops one of the best lines in the episode. “Don’t take your baby daddy drama out on our tumor baby”. Tom is just becoming a fan favorite at this point. My favorite thing about the guy is that, while he is very supportive of Amelia and her feelings, he doesn’t put up with any bullshit and doesn’t care for drama. I really can relate to how practical he is about things, and while the “suck it up”approach  isn’t the best or healthiest motto to live by, there are moments in our lives (and I can personally attest it) where we have to put our feelings aside and just focus on work, because at this job, a poor performance can lead to immeasurable consequences.

Another good sequence comes in, in which Tom asks Amelia where is that neurosurgeon who operated on Nicole Herman’s tumor, to which Amelia replies “that was brain tumor Amelia. Non-Brain Tumor Amelia is a reasonable surgeon, who asks reasonable questions.” I think the situation with Catherine’s tumor and this important, complicated surgery is a perfect moment for Amelia to sort of regain some of her confidence. I disagree that the Amelia who operated on Herman was inconsequent and unreasonable. She was bold, driven, she took a leap of faith. Yes. But we also saw a lot of Amelia questioning herself, overthinking her plan, carefully considering each little detail. That’s why I say this tumor arc was a total retcon, because back on season 11 it was not at all obvious that Amelia had anything pathological going on (unlike for example the moments in the s14 premiere, when she acted like a crazy person who wasn’t considering any risk when she set out to operate on that boy’s face against Jackson’s advice - that was a forced, artificial moment). The Herman arc served to establish her as neurosurgeon just as talented and skilled as Derek (or perhaps even better). It wasn’t out of character and inconsequent at all. 

I think even if this upcoming operation turns out not to save Catherine, there can still be success at some level, or even some kind of breakthrough for Amelia (and Tom). Amelia has always been a brilliant, determined surgeon, but unlike Derek, she always humble. She always respected her enemy (the tumors) and the rules of the game . Right now, even if she takes on a more conservative approach and needs more time to carefully go through everything, it doesn’t mean that her brilliance and resourcefulness went away with the tumor. Impulsiveness has nothing to do with talent and vocation. The tumor was causing the first, not enhancing the latter. And I am glad that they are pointing out the fact Amelia is more reasonable now, not only with words but also with actions.

As Amelia and Jo exchange a conversation about a technology that can potentially help the neurosurgeons in their quest to beat the tumor, Tom steals the scene by making the most hilarious faces. Greg Germann is a gem, and he is so charismatic that his version of Dr. House (also known as Tom Koracick) came out better than the original. I also love how unimpressed Amelia is about Tom’s whoreness. I imagine that she’s had to put up with him acting like that around women a million times while she was studying under him. Just priceless.

At the same time that is going on, Owen is apparently really sick. In reality, it looks like he was just done performing at a Rocky Horror play, but we are meant to buy that he was perfectly healthy the day (or night?) before but then developed some nasty flu symptoms in a spam of a few hours that actually required intravenous rehydration. 

But when Owen got accidentally injected with propofol, I understood the purpose. Sadly, we are not getting to see him sing Touch-a, Touch-a, Touch-a, Touch Me. What a pity. I was getting hyped about this.

When Owen is knocked down and can’t breathe, he is intubated and taken into a room, and that’s where the vomit-inducing part of the episode came, because we had to put up with Teddy acting all wife-y over him.

It doesn’t take long before she points out how much of a victim she is again, this time asking for Owen’s sympathy. Teddy is even bold to say that she didn’t do anything against Amelia, which I absolutely disagree with. She might not have attacked Amelia directly, but by withholding the information she should have disclosed a lot sooner, Teddy invariably brought Amelia into a situation she could have chosen not to be a part of had Teddy spoken sooner.

Teddy says she doesn’t understand why she is the only one who has to sacrifice anything (which she was never asked to do, by anyone), and then suggests that Owen moves to Germany (because again, she doesn’t want to do anything to Amelia lol). Forget Amelia, let’s us be reminded that Owen has Leo, a foster child whose custody he doesn’t have, which means if he leaves to Germany, he’d have to leave Leo behind, alongside Amelia and Betty.

Yeah, Teddy, you’re being such an inspiration.

This nonsense idea ends when Owen suggests that Teddy takes his job and runs the trauma department (because in Grey’s Anatomy, it doesn’t matter if you’re a thoracic surgeon, you can run trauma; and if you are a trauma surgeon, you can run general. I think I’ll quit the Peds ICU and ask for a job in the Ophthalmology department, I heard the hours are good).

What I love about this decision is how zero f***s Owen gives about his job, his status, his position. While Teddy has been whining during the entire episode, complaining about “working under a twenty something”, Owen takes the more practical route and simply offers her the job, if it means so much to her to have a power position. He doesn’t care. Owen is the kind of person who doesn’t need to have a formal position to be a leader. He’s always been one. And while Teddy is running in circles trying to get validation out of a job, he can simply forfeit his because to him, the baby and the people he loves matter a lot more.  In two episodes, Owen has acted a lot more like a parent than Teddy has for 16 weeks, but who’s counting, right?  He is able to acknowledge the sacrifices Teddy has done (even if she hasn’t done them for the right reasons lol) and his motivation isn’t egoistical, he is just trying to make a crap situation a little better to everyone involved. That’s my man!

And to make it even tastier, Owen goes on and makes the best choice of the day. I confess that I expected the show to drag this out a while longer, to toy with the idea of the “triangle”, but I am very glad things got resolved really quickly.

A while ago, I mentioned that Amelia needed to be sure Owen was sure about his decision to carry on with their relationship during this messy situation and I think that last scene was a perfect portrayal of that. It’s the third time Owen looks for her (first in the stairwell, then in the neuro lab, and now outside the hospital) to try to salvage their relationship. He’s determined, he’s not giving up. And more importantly, he is proving what he is saying with his actions.

Owen informs Amelia that he gave Teddy his job. He wants them to stay and the honesty with which he says that really affects Amelia, because she is obviously linking those wishes to Owen having conflicted feelings. But then comes my favorite part of that dialogue (and that was a really hard pick because Owen said wonderful things!): “It’s the truth, Amelia, and I have to be able to tell you the truth. I have to be able to make mistakes, because there is no clear path here.” The only thing Owen knows for sure is that he’s having a baby with Teddy, but the real family he has is with her. Amelia is his family, she has been for a long time. And none of the good things coming his way are going to be that good if she’s not in it with him. Owen misses her and them. He doesn’t need time, he needs her.

And that’s how Amelia is sure Owen is sure.

As if our hearts hadn’t skipped many beats, Amelia gets very emotional. It’s clear on her face that she’s deeply moved by what he says. For a moment, we hold our breaths in fear that she might reject his words, but once her hands run on his chest and they exchange that classic, loving, emotional Omelia glance, I know it even before she drops the line.

That’s the confirmation (to us and to Owen) that she is also on board with this, that she also misses what they have and doesn’t want to give up their relationship. It’s Amelia agreeing that yes, they have to be able to make mistakes and tell each other the truth. It’s perhaps the most important step in their relationship so far, and it’s crowned by the cutest little twirl in the history of the show.

Everything about that scene is absolutely adorable, from the cute looks and the touching, to Amelia sneakily getting inside Owen’s embrace.

And since I roasted Teddy enough, I thought I should say that while I knew she and Tom would hit it off, I was quite surprised by how much I enjoyed watching them together. For the first time, Teddy wasn’t acting all defensive and making wrong decisions, instead she seemed to be taking on what’s coming ahead for her. I sense this is going to be a friendship who will later develop into something more.

Alright, bonus notes about the episode:

1)    Catherine and her tumor: Catherine is someone who I don’t like, can’t relate, feel like is excessively arrogant and standoff-ish. She is very good at patronizing everyone around her while treating everyone’s feelings with disregard, and that’s not being a leader, that’s being a tyrant. Her way of functioning is basically she gets to dictate all the rules (and change them when it suits her), make all the mistakes she wants and disregard the consequences, and when things get bad, she doesn’t need to deal with any of it, because she can simply change her last name or play the cancer card. I don’t care for people like her because she might seem like she’s strong and empowered acting as if she is immune to everything and everyone but in reality, she is weak and very fragile. Deep down, she is terrified of her feelings, can’t deal with them and that’s not at all a sign of strength. A high IQs doesn’t necessarily make up for high emotional intelligence, and walls don’t keep people out, they lock you in. Catherine is the living proof of those. The outcome of her plot is only interesting because Amelia is involved and might play a role in it, but other than that, I have tried really hard but honestly can’t feel any kind of sympathy for her (probably because of the way she treats the people in her life – I would hate being related to her).

2)    DeLuca or DeLink? While I don’t care if Meredith ends up with one, both or none, I confess I enjoyed learning a little more about DeLink’s background. The whole childhood cancer thing felt a little contrived, I admit, but I think it’s a nice explanation to why he sees the glass half full. I like his optimism and how upbeat he is, and I sincerely hope we get more of the guy in the future episodes.

3)    Kid Bailey is officially the worst actor ever. I know I shouldn’t be saying these things because he is a kid and all, but I am.

4)    I was very happy that for once, Omelia’s plot wasn’t about Leo and Betty.

5)    Glasses is that awkward friend we all have that gets inspired by the most unbelievable things, and then goes and embarrasses himself by doing something impulsive or inappropriate. But rarely, very rarely, that leap of faith pays off and when it does, it’s really cool to watch.

6)    I have decided we are not getting enough Jo, or Alex, or Jolex.

7)    Why does Maggie’s life revolved entirely around Jackson now? Did I miss something?

And now a personal bonus. This is entirely un-related to the developments of the characters, but it does involve Grey’s Anatomy and like I said, a choice I made.

To make it short and simple: for a few weeks now I have been getting to know two different guys – one works in the same hospital as me, and the other trains in the same place I do. They are very, very different people. One is a well-bred, delightful, ambitious, sophisticated and funny guy who understands my work hours, is absolutely responsible, driven and cultured, and knows damn well what he wants. The other is a carefree, laidback, family oriented, energetic, boyish business owner who is a hardworker, makes me laugh and thinks the idea of a good time is to dispute who can spit the farthest.

As you can imagine, making a choice between the two guys was incredibly hard, especially because I wasn’t really focusing on relationships at the moment. So I have tried not to place too many expectations on anything and simply took it lightly just to see where things went.

To my surprise, despite us working in the same place, things kind of got cold with the doctor, but the cuckoo head who works down my street makes more time to see me than the other does, and he brings food whenever he comes over. 

Last Thursday, I was coming home from a long, strenuous double shift and all I wanted was to come home and watch the new episodes of Grey’s and Suits before I went to bed. But he called and came over, saying he didn’t mind staying in and watching the episodes with me if I was too tired to go out.

May I point out, this is someone who up until last week thought Grey’s Anatomy and ER were the same show, doesn’t watch anything other than sports competitions, formula 1 races and superhero movies, and asked me if he can come over to my hospital to “pretend he is a doctor and play with my 3D Glasses Simulator” when Tom and Amelia were trying to work up a plan to approach Catherine’s tumor. He was very disappointed when I told him my work does not involve any kind of 3D simulations.

He also stated that “there were more people in the OR gallery than in (his football team’s rival)’s stadium”,  asked me if “Future Medicine Fellow is a fancy name for researcher”, decided on his own that “the skinny blond woman (Teddy) looks more lost than Sandra Bullock with a blindfold on Birdbox” and ultimately, said that “That guy (Tom) is the real hero because he gets to play videogames and chill while everyone else is working”. And to my delighted surprised, he came up on his own with the conclusion that “the guy you like (Owen) made the right choice to go for the brunette because they are the most good looking couple in the show.” Not exactly the reason I would go for, but I agree with it!

The point is that, in an episode about choices, everything worked out as it should. And from there on, there is no more triangle.  Owen made his. I’ve made mine. Even if after looking over my shoulder, he focused on the Super Mario on my screensaver instead of the absolutely adorable things I wrote about him.

So, Owen and Amelia are together. Now what?

I think moving forward, we are going to see these two dealing with things as a couple and navigating this unprecedented situation of having a family, while Owen is going to father someone else’s child. I think the Teddy drama will be put on hold for now, at least while Owen and Amelia deal with their own domestic situation. From the synopsis, we can assume that Betty (and perhaps even Leo) are at a high risk for leaving the show, and I confess I am very interested to see Owen and Amelia dealing with an empty nest if that turns out to happen. It would be a challenging situation for sure, considering that these kids were how they initially got closer again, but aren’t the real reason why they are together. I think there’s a lot of ground to explore there, but since I’ve spent too much time dissecting the events of the past episode, I will leave the speculation to the following posts.

I hope everyone has a lovely week, and thanks for making all the way here! See you soon!

*all uncredited gifs go to @bafy-usy

[waraupiero]

Hello, I'm very interested in your view on Uta/Yomo friendship, what do you think about their dynamics? I don't ship them but would be down with it in canon. Their intimacy is palpable in the manga, and it was portrayed in such subtle, quiet ways up to the newest chapter, that last panel honestly made me #shook even tho it was to be expected eventually :/

hey!!

i agree! if you look at how their friendship is largely depicted, it’s fairly lowkey and understated. sometimes it doesn’t seem like they’re all that close. heck, yomo even avoids admitting outright that they’re friends. however, there are little pockets in the story, in which they’re honest with each other, and it seems like their friendship is fairly significant to the both of them, and so i feel like their dynamic is still going to embody the whole ‘can’t live with you, can’t live without you’ philosophy.

i think the easier place to start when discussing their friendship is probably yomo, since he talks more about his relationship with uta than uta does about his with yomo, and is also more straightforward in his motivations. in the infamous drunk!yomo omake of volume 12, yomo waxes poetic about his friendship with uta and itori. he admits that he cares about them and that their support means a lot to him, and that he wants to talk to them more so they can better understand one another.

so, i feel like mutual understanding is something that yomo’s been hoping to get at with uta (and itori), but he doesn’t quite get the chance because 1. so many things are happening, they’re all understandably busy and occupied with other things, and 2. yomo doesn’t feel confident in his ability to communicate with them. i think that definitely factors into his attitude towards uta in the newest chapter. like many other bloggers have said, it’s sort of an inevitable build up of events, given that the three of them have kind of been operating separately since the clowns started taking the offensive, and none of them have (presumably) communicated their aims and ideology. of course he’s not going to understand. he’s going to be going into this fight as the challenger for this reason – he’s the one asking the questions.

certainly, yomo values his friendship with uta; however, i feel like with the events that have unfolded around yomo, he’s extra sensitive to protecting his family first and foremost. for him, the purpose of his life is to protect his remaining family, and the clowns’ plans definitely do not spare touka, ayato, kaneki, and anyone else in goat/anteiku/:re. i feel like yomo’s only turned a more-or-less blind eye to uta and itori’s membership within the clowns because it hasn’t threatened his family until just about now. so, even if he doesn’t necessarily want to fight his friend, i feel like yomo would definitely do it if it meant keeping his family safe.

uta’s relationship with yomo is a little more complex. i think it’s fundamentally rooted in uta’s fear of loneliness, along with boredom. uta has always been in sort of an ‘outsider’ position – he’s either removed from the action, or he’s so powerful that no one else can challenge him (thus making him also alone). he’s constantly trying to balance between the freedom that being at the fringes affords him, and the loneliness that a position too extreme would bring. his friendship with yomo is a rare thing for him – someone who is around as strong as he is, and also someone who is his age whom he could talk to and form connections with.

yomo pretty much becomes uta’s connection to the twentieth ward, which is kind of where most of the action is centered – that’s important to uta’s projected agenda of ‘being involved’. thanks to yomo, uta is able to observe everything from both perspectives; it gives him information and insight that is not available to anyone else in the series, except perhaps itori, who both collects information as an information broker and also visits yomo at anteiku/:re (though not as visibly frequently as uta does. uta does it so frequently that even nico notes it).

though if yomo offers uta both company as a friend and also connections to other ghouls and the flip side of the conflict, why would uta reject that and ally himself fully with the clown cause instead of dancing along the edges? what is in it for him with the clowns?

frankly, i think he does it just because he can.

in his rooftop conversation with donato in tg:re chapter 116, uta confesses that he’s excited by the idea of unpredictability and pushing someone off an edge. although he’s not technically speaking about yomo in this scene, i feel like it could be applied pretty well to yomo’s situation as well. yomo has been one of the most stable/stagnant characters since the beginning of kaneki’s story. he hasn’t been forced to reevaluate himself or reorient his understanding of something like other characters have been. uta would definitely be interested in pushing yomo just to see what’ll happen. he’s aware that he himself might be injured or killed in the process (re- ‘i myself might vanish’), but he’s willing to gamble just to see what happens, and so he plays along with the clowns.

i think his exchange here with donato is significant. uta tries to relate donato to himself, and it’s true that their roles in this upcoming chapter are very similar: both uta and donato are the ‘bad’ guys who are fighting ‘good’ people close to them. the fandom expects donato’s fight with amon to lead to amon coming to terms with being a ghoul and release his suppressed emotions regarding being a ghoul and also donato (i mean, if ishida doesn’t do this, then what is the point of this conflict); uta is similarly prodding yomo, and even if their fight does not change yomo significantly (i think it will; but all things considered yomo has really firmly rooted personal purpose and philosophy, and is less emotionally vulnerable to uta than amon is to donato) it will change their relationship and perhaps be a deciding factor in which way the clowns’ war will lean.

yet despite their similar roles, donato states that he is not quite like uta. i think this implies that uta is more affected by his loneliness than maybe one would expect. i don’t think anything uta has done thus far suggests any particular sentimentality (if anyone has shown sentimentality about this friendship, it’s drunk!yomo), but donato may be picking up more than others would (i’m willing to scrap this up to him being a priest and being able to read people much better than most). uta’s sentimentality regarding his loneliness would definitely impact the upcoming fight, and i’m inclined to think that he won’t want it to end his friendship with yomo.

he already expressed that he did not want yomo to die, because yomo is his friend. even though it would be better for the clowns to just let yomo die, he doesn’t think according to what best benefits the clowns; uta’s always thinking about what’s gonna be best for himself. having yomo dead is definitely something that would be pretty detrimental to him. i think he’s more invested in keeping this friendship alive than yomo is, and he’s definitely not loyal enough to the clowns to execute their agenda over his own wishes.

(well, as far as we know. we don’t know if there’s more in it for uta in the clowns than he’s let on. but i don’t feel like uta’s the type of guy to have a particular political agenda or leaning. he seems to just follow whatever is the most fun for him, and if it doesn’t suit him anymore, he’ll just leave without a thought about what’ll happen after. he’s certainly done that before, leaving his position as the leader of the fourth ward. i can’t even begin to imagine how much trouble that power vacuum must have incurred)

however important yomo may be to uta, uta’s definitely not all that torn up about fighting his friend, though. uta treats all of this like a game, and he’s excited to finally play for once. i feel like he’s definitely been bored in the past few arcs in tg:re – he hasn’t found a worthy opponent in hirako, juuzou, or mutsuki. he kind of just toys with them instead of fighting them. but with yomo, uta has the opportunity to finally go all out, and scratch that decade-old itch of his.

it must be so exciting to fight yomo. yomo is the pebble who disturbs uta’s pond of autocracy in the fourth ward; no one before yomo has been able to match uta. so yomo is special to uta, first of all as the first person who could possibly beat him. now this possibility is made all the better with the experience that the two of them have built up in ten years, and also their closeness with one another would make for a dangerous fight. throughout the years, yomo has gotten the opportunity to study all of uta’s moves, ticks, patterns (if he has any), and resolve/attitude; and uta has a similar advantage over yomo. a rematch of their fight from the fourth ward would be the most entertaining, so yeah he’s on board!

finally, he gets the chance to either push yomo off the edge, or fall from his own perch. either way it may end poorly for him, but he can’t resist the challenge. he’s only been able to resist the challenge with the promise of something better – he would have loved to fight yomo to the death in the fourth ward, but he stops because friendship seemed a far better option for him. but if yomo’s resolved to fight him … he wouldn’t back down from the offer. though, i think uta has a lot more at stake than yomo does, and that’s always sort of been the case with their friendship. uta has a lot more to lose if he loses yomo; yomo has relatively little to lose if he loses uta. so, i don’t think uta will go as far as to kill yomo.

the greatest hardship of their relationship is that uta and yomo’s natures mix together like water and oil. uta’s tendency towards chaos and self-indulgence is definitely at odds with yomo’s preference towards structure and service. but that’s what makes their interactions so interesting – despite the fact that they’re vastly different people, they’re able to find a friend in the other person. despite everything, they help each other out, care about each other, and support each other. differences do not divide people; you may find meaning and significance in the person you least expect to find it in. it’s quite the compelling narrative.

uta and yomo find it difficult to exist around each other without bumping elbows, but at the same time losing the other person would be a significant hit whether they want to admit it or not. although they can’t perhaps understand the feelings, motivations, or logic of the other person, life without them suddenly becomes difficult. ‘i cannot live with you nor without you’; i think that definitely speaks towards uta’s perspective on his relationship with yomo. itori also describes their friendship as ‘undesirable but inseparable’. i couldn’t find a more suitable way to put it. i can’t wait for more development on yomo-uta-itori friendship in the upcoming chapter.

i think this upcoming fight is going to be a way for yomo and uta to at least work towards some kind of understanding. itori may also be involved; or at least i’m hoping that she will (because i love her). although yomo is not great with words, he channels a lot of his emotions and beliefs into his fighting (and communicates that way), as we can see in the two yomo v. arima fights. i’d actually say that the foundation for yomo and uta’s relationship is kind of built upon the ‘conversation’ they’ve been having through their fights in the fourth ward, and this is kind of a continuation of that old, partially resolved (through the power of friendship!) conflict. although i do love the unusual way that uta and yomo’s friendship just works because they’ve looked past their differences and supported each other unconditionally, forcing them to reexamine their differences will definitely be super exciting and i’m looking forward to some new revelations about the fourth ward trio. the return of the old rival dynamic between yomo and uta – with yomo playing the role of a swooping bird of prey and uta a spider ‘defending’ his own space – is definitely something i’ve been not so secretly looking forward to as well.

[roslinadama-sinequanon]

Though I will not be watching James Duff’s Facebook live tonight because I doubt Sharon will even be mentioned and to be honest at this point just seeing Duff’s face makes me physically ill, there are things that I really wish he would honestly address.

Though I 100% know that he will not answer these questions, this is what I really want to hear from him.

1.       I want him to HONESTLY tell us why he never gave Sharon Raydor any real personal storylines or let Mary McDonnell shine as the leader of his ensemble. I don’t consider Rusty a Sharon personal storyline—that relationship was Rusty’s story. We got a little bit of her bad first marriage but the only real prolonged personal storyline she got was her romance with Andy—and the entire thing was played out off-screen. Why did he waste such an incredible talent—especially with the glimpses we got of that talent this past season?

2.       That brings us to Shandy. I want him to HONESTLY tell us why he never allowed this romance to play out on screen. Why did we never get a kiss? What happened to Andy’s letter, why bother having him write it and then never address it again? Why didn’t they ever have any dates or romantic moments? Why didn’t we have any ‘I love you’s’ except for Sharon’s a couple episodes before she died? Why didn’t we have any conversations between the two of them about their relationship, baggage from their pasts etc? Why was he so squeamish about showing an actual romantic, sexual relationship between two beautiful, mature adults who truly loved each other yet had no problem showing a romantic sexual relationship between two annoying, immature semi-adults whose love—if you can even call it that--- was childish and selfish? Why did he allow these two incredible people to finally find true love and to be the happiest they’ve ever been in their lives and then destroy them so cruelly by killing Sharon off two weeks after their wedding. Why did he even bother with the wedding?

3.       I want him to HONESTLY tell us why, once Shandy became official, that he chose to sideline Andy’s character with health issue after health issue and dropped him as an individual character, only portraying him in his relationship with Sharon—and there wasn’t much of that.

4.       I want him to HONESTLY tell us why everyone else on that show got a happy ending or satisfactory closure EXCEPT for Sharon and Andy, the two people MC fans loved the most and were rooting for. Does anyone really give a damn what happens between Wes and Cami?

5.       I want him to HONESTLY tell us why he changed the entire tone of the show in this sixth season—to the point where it was barely recognizable as Major Crimes.  Why make it so dark and heavy and depressing and so thoroughly unenjoyable?

6.       I want him to HONESTLY tell us why he lied to the fans about having the opportunity to write a satisfactory and gratifying ending for all the loyal fans and instead did the opposite by writing the fans worst nightmare.

7.       I want him to HONESTLY tell us why he thought, given the trauma and turmoil of this past year, that it was a good idea to kill off Sharon Raydor, a strong, intelligent, loving woman who was a role model to so many other women. A woman who had just reached the pinnacle of her career and had finally found true happiness in her personal life. I want to know why he chose to take her out so senselessly, with an illness that most people are able to live with their whole lives when she was a strong and healthy woman who lived a healthy lifestyle and should have been able to control it. I want to know why he took this woman who always put her family before her work and who had such faith and was such a fighter and who had so much to live for and suddenly had her just give up at the first sign of adversity and decide she’d rather die than fight her illness and have many more years with her family? It’s one thing to stop taking chemo because it’s making you so sick and you would rather have a good quality of life for your remaining days, but living with cardiomyopathy is not like that, people live normal lives and keep working etc.  So, why? And I want to know why he had to have her die because she chose to get emotional and vented her anger playing into the supposition that women have to pay a price for doing that kind of thing. What message were we supposed to take from that? Why did he feel the need to kick women while they are down? We already shockingly lost one strong, intelligent female leader with Hillary losing the election, something that many of us are still reeling with, and now we shockingly lose another amazing, strong, female leader. What did he hope for us to take from that? Was it, don’t get too happy ladies, no matter how close you get to that glass ceiling, no matter how happy you are in your lives, the moment you get too emotionally invested, the moment you express your anger some man will swoop in and kill you? Was it, no matter how strong and good you are, no matter how well you take care of yourself, you are a woman and that makes you weak and quick to give up in the face of adversity?  Or was it, you reached your goal in your career, you found a partner to love and share your life with, you found true happiness, your life is complete and now you don’t matter anymore  so it’s time to kill you off? Do women not deserve to find happiness and love and satisfaction their lives? Why James, why? And be HONEST.