#i lack words to express the amount off feelings i get when thinking about them

[nothatsmi]

I don't know what I miss more, having free time to draw or these fellas

The raven cycle!!!!

Oh I love these guys. Everything about these books, I want to draw them soooo much more (I probably will)!!

Guys I'm back-

It has been a nightmare lately this is the only thing I managed to draw in weeks? Finals and uni stuff that's taking all of my time and energy, slowly turning me into a cafeinated slug (worst part is caffeine doesn't even have an effect on me? I only drink coffee for the TASTE can you imagine). Anyway the rush won't be over until end of January but hopefully I'll be able to ignore the stress and draw anyway :)

[dreadfutures]

regarding sept 19:

This needs to be clarified because misunderstanding has resulted in some usually very nice people getting incredibly nasty and bullying others.

This past week, many people - press, and content creators - were allowed a hands-on experience of the new Dragon Age game. They played for about 6 hours. The attendees of this event are under an NDA until Sept 19.

After September 19th, the people who played the game are allowed to speak about it in some amount of detail. The press embargo is lifted, so to speak.

No one who attended this event has come out, twirled their mustache, and said they're going to spoil major game stuff without warning.

If you think you're about to tell me that yes, someone did - no she didn't. I know it's too much to hope for but someday you must learn to not hear every tweet and text as if the other person was personally intending to harm you. Few people really are so malicious. If you approach text neutrally you can tell when people are, or not. Really.

They have instead warned that there will be info shared from this event, probably tagged and warned about (hopefully), but the reporting, sharing, reposting, etc., of that info will be - like all things in fandom - a mess dependent on individual fans. If you care about spoilers at all, get your filters and blocks ready for that. For sure!

But again, it only seems like they had 6 hours or so to play. I doubt the people who attended will be malicious or rubbing stuff in our faces. I doubt the people who attended will even be spilling every single deet. Most people who we know & are connected to the fandom that were in attendance have said they themselves avoided main game stuff, because they didn't want to be spoiled either.

So that is the real information, as best we know it, without fear mongering about a flood of spoilers - and do with that what you will!

A lot of people are starting to wholly block all of the new game's tags because they don't want to see anything else until it drops! This is definitely the time to start. Maybe you do need to go dark and hop off the internet to keep your boundaries, or maybe you feel confident in your dashboard, your friends, and your filtered content, that you won't be seeing untagged spoilers being shared. (I'm in the latter category; nothing has appeared on my dash without being filtered, for months.)

Control your space with the tools you have, but cruelty should not be one of them.

A lot of people (on twitter, love DA twitter, where the worst aspects of all your friends' personalities come out 😒) have been incredibly, viciously belligerent to those who attended this event. They have used really terrible language to bully them as individuals and make personal attacks against them. The dog-piling has been amplified by certain people who were not invited to that event, and by the wording of others who are giving "warnings" about spoilers running rampant, floodgates opening, mayday, everyone is going to be rubbing spoilers in your face after Sept 19.

Whatever you think about the marketing about this game - whatever you think about what EA thinks are spoilers - whatever your personal stance on what you want to know going into the game (or not):

Content creators and press, their job is to talk about the game. In detail. It's their job! Ideally they do it as (is typically done! as many of them have already been doing!) with warnings/tags/whatever when something spoilery might come up.

Harassing them and wishing them harm or calling them terrible things and slandering their character is just an expression of your own frustration, lack of control, whatever - and it's not a good look.

[mirrorcatcreditcard]

ALNST analysis about Luka's "Drowing Bloom" Patreon post and his page

The following analysis is formulated in response to this query from a mutual of mine. The post states as follows:

I just read the new, free Patreon post and. huh. what do you mean "LUKA has never felt insecure in his life" lmao. isn't it official information that he used to have low self-esteem? how does "had low self-esteem" and "has never felt insecure in his life" go together. unless it's another definition of "insecure" that's being used here? I'm somewhat confused but also that's a funny sentence tbh

I'm here to talk about that, though I'll mainly be dissecting the new Patreon content.

The following content will contain discussions of Luka, Hyuna, Hyun Woo, HyunLuka, child abuse, unconventionally/potentially uncomfortable love and relationship, bullying, and social isolation.

To begin this discussion, I will clarify any doubts that may be had about the exact wording. (I haven't been able to find any translation analysis/translators who can clarify because Patreon posts are already translated, so you'll have to excuse my limited capabilities.)

In the post, Luka's "insecure" mentioned above is related to the word "uneasy" of the first sentence; but when I put it through a translator to get each word separately, they were all spelled differently while having mostly similar/related characters. The words originally came out as "unstable" when the sentences were together. When I translated them on their own, I obtained three different results.

불안합니다 "He is anxious/I am anxious."

것입니다 "feeling anxious"

불안하다는 "I feel anxious"

After wasting about an hour and writing an unnecessary amount of analysis I ended up scrapping, I come to the conclusion that they are all synonymous and simply changed for grammar reasons or clarity.

(If you care, here's a list of English equivalents for the different groupings: uneasy, anxious, insecure, unstable, nervousness, trepidation. Someone who knows Korean can correct me if I'm wrong about anything.)

Next in line, I will analyze the overall picture of Hyuna and Luka's relationship through the years. (Read also, we finally get HyunLuka analysis through the flowers + Hyun Woo mentions.)

Hyuna and Luka were intimately close as children. With the addition of Hyun Woo, the three are almost always depicted together, like inseparable friends. Hyuna consistently allowed Luka to engage in behaviors other humans saw as off-putting or disgusting around her. Lacking expressions and engagement in interaction, disregarding others' presence and emotions to the point of being physically hurtful, and constantly sucking on or biting objects and Hyuna herself—she accepted it all and even showed that she did not consider it queer/unnatural. Luka repeatedly expressed his "love" for her as possession and desires for control. He has been conditioned to believe that care/love is obsession and obedience. He is not able to force the girl he loves (physically and mentally) but wants her near him and subordinate to him so she can never have to worry again and he can control everything around her. This is in direct relation to the fact that he has no worries for his future because his path had already been set out for him since the concept of "Luka" existed.

But don't forget Hyuna's side of this relationship. Hyuna, who originally had her precious brother with her and led both Hyun Woo and Luka in playing together. Hyuna loved Luka so much that she would let him do anything he wanted, really. One of her canonical regrets is how permissive she allowed herself to be with him. People think that Hyuna doesn't love Luka anymore or simply cut it all off when her brother died. That's simply not true. The fandom has labeled them as "tragic heteros," and I think that's a fitting title. They're beautiful opposites. From the start, Hyuna has always been seen as the extroversion to Luka's introversion. She jumps into situations, and he follows.

Luka's love is insecure (translated flower-wise as anxious) because of their past and conflicting ideals. It says in the Patreon post that "LUKA thought the whole time he was away from HYUNA. About what he should have done, and how on earth he could be more connected to his loved ones than blood." I'd like to point out that loved ones is plural. Luka has loved more than just Hyuna in his life. And the loved ones he had either had someone who was blood related who he felt was closer than him (jealousy) or shedding blood seemed like the only way to have those people close to him (obsessive behavior).

Hyuna loves so strongly that the flower used means that her love is "without measure." Hyuna doesn't look back yet still holds affection and care inside, locked away because addressing the love means addressing the trauma. Her "love" also connects to the revolution and freedom. She has an emptiness inside of her, and she makes the steps to fill it with her own two hands. She will not drown in grief and let the two ones she loved most being removed from her life make her stop reaching out for her love of freedom. She was a girl with no idea what she was doing when she escaped, but she has grown into a woman who is determined to live her life for herself.

The contrast and similarity is striking.

Luka's description makes him sound weak, the image of lying down and feeling water flow over your hand comes to me. The acceptance and surety of fate and letting life be is the behavior I struggle to find a word for that isn't complacency. He feels inactive, only pondering how he could have changed things but never doing anything.

Hyuna's description sounds desperate and bold. We know from "All-In" that she still gets vivid flashbacks even when soaked in noise and distractions. She is a person who works impulsively and passionately, putting her whole heart into something. Littered with regrets—she has to push on to survive.

Yet, these two are so similar.

They held the love inside of them deep down, never speaking of it aloud except in the only ways that they know how to show themselves—song. Their flowers are both colorful because of their individual beauties that they show in their own way. It is Hyuna who was insinuated to have influenced Luka in seeing the stage as a place where he can be in control.

They are both empty due to loss, both coping by leaving the past behind and physically unaddressed (despite different mentalities behind the actions). While Hyuna doesn't look back and distracts herself, Luka wears a mask and deludes himself, and they both pretend the world is going to work out the way they need because they are in control in their own minds. They're simultaneously trapped in their ideologies, and this conflict is the reason they are the "tragic heteros" of the narrative.

Moving on, I will talk about the page whose image I will provide below. (ID in alt text, English only)

As much as I consider Herperu the lowest of low, I cannot discredit his words and say he knows nothing of Luka. He made it his personal mission to know every detail of his finest creation. Luka was tailor-made after all, with many fans theorizing that he was created in a lab/test tube-like container. While I cannot give you canon facts for something unstated, I can give you a handful of theories concerning why Heperu claims Luka has low self-esteem.

Luka may have had confidence issues from his ostracization in Anakt Garden. (He was ignored by his peers and, in an official comic, shown to be treated like he didn't exist/wasn't significant. Assuming this was normal behavior given to him in his days at Anakt Garden, there is good reason to believe that when Hyuna left/grew distanced after Hyun Woo's death, so did his only hold on interaction with a fellow human.)

Luka is conditioned to believe everything Heperu tells him unconditionally and holds onto the sentiment of how he will be no good if he isn't "talented enough" as well as his mandatory duty to be the god among men of idols. (He must always be in perfect shape in order to present himself. There can never be a flaw. His autonomy does not exist. He is a good for others to take from. He must be a model pet.)

Luka's only confidence came from his performance and acting, he had no real confidence in himself as a person, away from cameras, or off-stage. (He seems to have adopted Hyuna's philosophy of singing giving a person freedom to express how they are, seeing as he is more expressive on-stage and masks everywhere else.)

Herperu's words could be what is a common case of "assuming you know what a creature wants/is feeling from researching instead of asking directly." (Segyein see humans like humans see animals. If an animal shows certain behaviors, we consult resources in order to know how to view and approach the situation. If research told Heperu that Luka had low self-esteem, then he would believe that rather than ask his pet how he feels.)

Heperu could be gaslighting Luka into thinking he has low self-esteem or gaslighting the press into thinking Luka is "humble" or whatever.

I, personally, don't have full trust of segyein's descriptions of humans because it's obvious that they very rarely (if ever) ask the human how they're feeling or neglect to even do simple analysis of humanity. (Also, Heperu is incredibly selfish and manipulative, without a single thought or consideration being about Luka's comfort, happiness, or healthy living. Honestly, I hate that alien. I hope his dick-shaped head-body snaps in two.)

To wrap this analysis up, my conclusion is simple. It is up to a fan's interpretation to figure out whether they think Luka has low self-esteem, is in a constant state of surety, used to have low self-esteem and has now changed that state of mind, or exists as a mixture of multiple states in multiple areas. Canon's conflict stems from information we cannot fully be sure on, and the creators remark about the complexity of Luka's emotions and the inability for almost anyone. "We don't know if anyone will ever know LUKA's heart..." They admit that there is a limit and that he is a difficult creature to understand.

Extra: my personal theories

Personally, I believe that Luka has low self-esteem due to his view of himself as worthless without his trained skills and inferior to segyein by existence. I believe he has never been insecure because he has never tried to drift from the path that was paved for him. I believe he still knows that the love between him and Hyuna is insecure because of the instinct that the Patreon post mentions; it would be more accurate to use the synonyms "uneasy/unstable." He is stable/secure in his livelihood so long as he follows the life that he knows no alternative from; his relationship is unstable/insecure due to the trauma on Hyuna's end and his forceful nature; he had low self-esteem either from his peers' isolation or from Heperu's reminders that he is only worth something as long as Heperu deems it so.

Thanks for reading.

[littlemissstel]

Hi! Your Shiu pieces are so lovely - he doesn’t get enough fluff or, ya know, stories in general.

May I please request a story of him attempting to quit smoking because the woman he is into doesn’t want to date a smoker?

Feel free to ignore this, if the idea is not interesting to you 🫶🏻

Lollipops and Smoke- Shiu Kong

Helloo!! Thank you for the kind words<3

IKRR the amount (well lack of) of Shiu media is actually outrageous, he's the reason i started this blog😭Hopefully this is on par with what you were thinking of Xx

Pre-relationship, swearing, uses of the names "bastard", "minx", "Doll", "Sweetheart", "Darling", no uses of (Y/n),mentions of drug use

It is past midnight now and you were in Shiu's car as he drove you home after a long day of dealing with clients. The two of you have engaged in what seems like a thousand different conversations on the way there, but he's not quite sure how you landed in this one...

"You're really not going to tell me?"

"I'm not sure what you mean Doll. There is nothing to tell."

"Shiu. Let's be honest for a second here. There's no way you've only done cigarettes throughout your life. With the things you've told me about your youth, you had to of been high at least once."

Shiu holds in a chuckle, shaking his head with a wide smile at your deadpan expression.

The truth is you were right. He was a seasoned connoisseur in the field of substances thanks to his party days and he does conveniently forget to tell you the part were he puffed, sniffed or drank in his stories of nostalgia. When he first started out in the job, he had to entertain clients by sharing a drink/drag or two, though that was never something he found enjoyable and has since promoted out of it.

It's not that Shiu was regretful about his past experiences, no, He just wasn't proud of them either. He had great times which made for great memories but he knows what kind of impression they can give off and for someone like you- for someone he is trying to impress- he believes some memories are better left unsaid.

"I'm really not as old as you think i am. This is my youth-"

"Yeah right-"

"Enough about me. You're real fuckin' nosey you know that? What drugs have you done, Sweetheart?" He sends you a playful glare through the mirror.

"Paracetamol and Ibuprofen."

This earns a deep laugh out of Shiu, something that has become more frequent during your time with him yet you still take the moment to properly intake the resonant sound.

"I did have a boyfriend who was into a few things though. It didn't last very long."

"Was he trouble?"

"No, he was sweet, but i just don't think i could be with someone who does anything, you know..."

"Nothing at all?"

"Nothing. No vapes or cigs. Nothing that lingers."

What you said lingered in Shiu's mind. Long, long after the fact. He was somewhat surprised, you never seemed to have a problem when he smoked around you - then again he tried to limit the amount of times that happened. Then again he might be wrong and you just don't like him back.

But he liked you.

He liked you enough to go against his better judgement of pursuing you- no matter how selfish it may have been, and so he liked you enough to finally start his mid-year resolution to put down the cigarettes. That night he laid covert in the darkness of his bedroom, scrolling through an endless amount of forums from ex-smokers and ordering an unjustifiable amount of lollipops, gum and nicotine patches.

Shiu had always been the number one user of the saying, "I can quit when i want" and part of that was true...he could quit when he wanted. It didn't mean he wanted to struggle when he did though. His job was stressful and the only method of relaxation he could find that fit into his busy schedule was smoking. Now he just had to experiment...

Throughout the next few weeks you noticed a few changes in Shiu.

First, he seemed irritable.

Not to you- to you he was just quieter than usual- but Toji had been the one informing you that Shiu had "A stick shoved up his ass for the entire week", though this was after discussing how they were going to split the shares of his commission which meant the statement was untrustworthy.

Secondly, he was less focused and increasingly restless, which drew the most concern from you because Shiu was always well managed. It was one of the first things you learnt about him and he hasn't faltered since so when he started to zone out and tap against the steering wheel to an inconsistent beat you only became more skeptical.

But your last and final straw...was his sweet tooth.

The ravenette was a chronic enjoyer of savoury foods. You had seen him nursing a lolli' in his mouth consistently for the past few days, sure. But when a multi-pack of 300 lollipops sat discarded in the backseat of his car you knew something was up.

"What is going on?"

"What do you mean?"

"What's going on with you?"

His brows furrowed as he spared you a quick glance.

"What do you mean, darling? I've been fine."

"You've been acting weird...First toji says you've been irritated all week but now you've got a sweet tooth and a thousand lollipops in your backseat. I know you don't have a kid Shiu. Unless you're about to tell me you're going to kidnap one."

"I am not going to kidnap anyone."

"Then are you okay?"

The car stops at the red light and Shiu sighs weakly, meeting your eyes with an unreadable expression.

"I've quit smoking. Trying to replace it with something better. I like lollipops."

Your mouth droops into an "o" expression. Well that makes sense, you hadn't thought about it but why would you? It seems a bit abrupt, no? Most people ease out of smoking and you haven't seen him hold a cigarette in...well...a long time.

"Why- i mean, no congratulations- but- how long has it been since you stopped?"

"Three weeks give or take"

"Oh..."

The car filled with a thick silence only disturbed with the low rumbles of the engine. You're not quite sure what to say. What is there to say? He sounds pretty decided and you fully support his decision but- oh...You can't help the feeling of guilt that washes over you.

"It isn't to do with what i said is it?..." Shiu's hand grips the wheel harder for a quarter of a second as he turns to you to speak- but you noticed, and you felt your stomach twist for the second time in a minute.

"Shiu- you know i didn't mean that about you, i really didn't mean to offend-"

"-You didn't offend me doll, now calm down before you work yourself up, hm?"He says, a smirk creeping up on his face and you take his advice, settling back down in your chair waiting expectantly.

"I've been meaning to quit for a while now`, just never had a good enough reason to do it. Now i know you prefer the company of non-smokers, i finally got the motivation to."

What does that mean?

"I didn't mind your company before you know."

"Oh trust me, i know." His smirk now fully progressed as his attention undividedly turned on you. The most focused he's been in weeks. His dark hazelnut eyes bore into yours leaving you feeling exposed- so exposed. You believed him. His confidence, true or not, left little room for doubt and now you wondered what else he knew.

Don't embarrass yourself.

You leaned in, trying to keep a hold of what little control you had as he matched your stance.

"You're back to being a smug bastard aren't you."

"Never stopped."

"Then why don't you enlighten me on what else you know?"

Shiu's breath hitched before letting out a short, incredulous laugh, leaning back in his chair with his head tossed back.

"Green light, minx." He says finally.

After all, Shiu Kong believes some things are better left unsaid.

banner by user030419 on pinterest

divider by @saradika-graphics

I am open to constructive criticism but be nice because I'm sensitive asf 💀 Thank you for sending this request in, i really enjoyed it

please feel free to leave any ideas/recommendations

[ddarker-dreams]

Yan Chrollo x F Reader.

Companion piece to Idée Fixe.

(A journal entry that will never see the light of day, for it is meant to rot in darkness. Even the amoral owner is bound to agree with this).

Warnings: Yandere themes, unhealthy relationships, Chrollo is creepy hooooly shit (he needs a hobby), and religious imagery. Word count: 1k.

I have become hopelessly smitten with a woman who is, for lack of a better word, strange. 

She tells me she’s “probably agnostic, because that word sounds cooler than atheist”, while often exemplifying the religious doctrine she grew up in. She condemns herself for qualities she’d pardon in others. She’ll get excited over the most mundane things, such as pigeons, or when her rewards add up enough to get her favorite drink for free. I’m allowed to steal a certain amount before she stares at me, not quite comfortable enough to express her dissatisfaction verbally, yet undoubtedly pondering the perfect string of words to avoid offending me. 

The extent of her consideration for others is perplexing. There is no advantage to be gained by placating strangers, though her insistence on the matter would almost convince you otherwise. She never says “you’re welcome”, it’s always “of course”, as if the act of going so far out of her way is expected of her. If not that phrase, she’ll say “it’s no problem”, on the off chance the individual may think they burdened her. 

She’s strange, yes, but we’re alike in many ways, so I wonder what that’d make me. 

I’ve taken on innumerable roles throughout the years. I know how to judge the weight of my every word. My motivation for doing so is self-serving in nature. People, to me, are locks that require the right combination to crack. From what I can tell, she’s come to realize this too. Instead of pursuing this advantage, she shies away from it. Originally, I thought it was nothing more than people-pleasing, but it goes beyond that. She loves humanity, the same humanity I deem worthless. It’d be easier for me to understand if there was an ulterior motive. Alas, that'd be doing her a major injustice.

My initial intrigue in her was nothing more than a passing fancy. I had time to pass, and she just happened to be in the vicinity, reading a book I’m partial to. I thought I’d give her a few minutes of my time and then be on my way. Presently, however, If I believed in fate, I’d go so far as to say our paths were destined to cross. She is every part of myself that has died a slow death. Optimism, empathy, passion… they mix together to form the essence of her being. 

I didn’t intend to give her so much of my time. She became indispensable to me before I realized what was happening. In retrospect, perhaps I knew deep down that this was the type of person I’d been looking for. Someone I’d struggle between wanting to ruin or preserve. I erred toward the former at first. If I didn’t wake her from her naïve reverie, another would inevitably come down the line and do it themselves. The mere concept was unforgivable. 

As time passed, it became clear she wasn’t living in a dreamlike state, but was perfectly aware of her surroundings and the people who inhabit them. This left me at an impasse. How do you destroy someone who has already annihilated and rebuilt themselves? There are ways, yes, yet no longer did the idea appeal to me. I wanted something new from her, though the specifics alluded me. What I did know, however, was that this strange woman would touch many lives for the better. 

This was a constant torment. I’d have to go about my business, knowing full well she’s making others smile, laugh, and otherwise brightening their day elsewhere. My chest would become impossibly tight whenever I fixated on this. She holds qualities people are inevitably drawn to. She is radiance incarnate, so easy to adore. A light like that is visible far and wide.

When I pressed back against her dearly held beliefs, instead of fading, she burned ever brighter.

I know she feels it too — this invisible rope that binds us. She’ll happily talk to me for hours, even when I forgo superficial charm and express slivers of my depravity. She sees it, acknowledges it, and seeks me out all the same. I find myself talking more than I meant to when she’s around. She challenges me, interestingly enough. Her arguments often have holes and aren’t by any means polished, but she cuts to the heart of things. 

She is my personal torment. I want every inch of her for myself. Her unique mind, heart, soul… would it be enough? Could I stop there? Or would I keep going, taking more and more, until we were essentially one flesh? 

It’s by her recommendation I’m writing any of this down. She said “I am in desperate need of intensive therapy” and sent some links to her recommendations. I’m inclined to give in to her requests since she asks for so little, but that might be the one I have to refuse. I cannot recall the last time I met someone this amusing, if ever. The inner workings of her pretty little head are a mystery I long to unravel.

Displeased as I am to admit it, a day will pass when she no longer looks at me the way she does now. My true identity can’t go unknown forever, the revelation is inevitable. Still, I won’t let her go. My grip will only grow tighter. If her ire is my penance for possessing her entirely, then I’ll accept the sentence and chip away at it over time. Emotions are transient. With the right encouragement, I can guide her back to my arms, even if she considers the embrace a scourge. 

When we first met, she said something that has taken permanent residence in my mind. 

“So long as I can say I helped one person, that’s good enough for me.” 

This was always bound to be my benediction and her condemnation. 

From that moment onward, her life was mine to do with as I please. There are many far more worthy of her than I, which is why I’ll never give them the chance. I’ll deprive the world of her vibrancy. It could become engulfed in eternal darkness, and still, I’d happily refuse to give her back. Let them lament, weep, and gnash their teeth.

In my youth, I set out to be the greatest villain. Never have I been more willing to carry out the actions befitting such a lofty title. 

This is the curse of a wicked man’s love, [First] [Last]. Revisit your religion and pray fervently. For only a god could save you from the future I’ve planned for us. 

[jooillusion]

SO.. I saw a vid of Junhan in a Fan signing event and op was asking him if he would have “episodes” while being DRUNK. And boy was I shocked with his response… He said that since he doesn’t do skinship normally, he does it while being drunk TO THE PERSON NEXT TO HIM. But he also said that he hasn’t drank with the members that much yet. Pretty please, drunk Junhan??? 🥺🥺

okay first off…240519 junhan. if you know you know.

LIKE given that he’s tall, nonverbal most of the time, and he has like the blankest expression i feel like hyeongjun is so intimidating in real life…after a few shots it’d surprise you that he’d open up to you like a book </3.

so imagine meeting him at a nightclub. your friends bought a booth where he’s just been chilling this whole time and you tried to talk to him not once, not twice, but three times in an attempt to get him to open up. yeah, he’d agree to take shots and toast with you, but his short one answer responses would definitely lead you into thinking that you were annoying him. the drinks however piled up and within the next hour you were on the dance floor, a thin sheen of sweat beading onto your body due to the lack of space in the club along with the amount of bodies inside, the thought of hyeongjun fading in your mind.

you stumble back to the booth to catch your breath, settling next to hyeongjun who just stared off into space. you shrug at him, only focusing on kicking off your heels to tend to your sore feet, cursing at yourself for wearing them knowing damn well they would’ve left your feet burning by the end of the night. once you finally kicked them off under the table, you lean back into the leather cushioning of the booth, closing your eyes as your head spins with delight due to the after effects of the liquor in your system.

your just about to doze off, the loud music fading away until there’s the sudden pressure on your right shoulder that kicks you out of dreamland. you turn to see hyeongjun on your shoulder.

“you’re so warm,” he mumbles, his words slightly slurring. “can we stay like this for a second?”

you look at the empty glasses on the table that were in front of him when it finally clicked. he’d just been drinking by himself this whole time.

“hyeongjun, why didn’t you dance with us?”

he groans. “dunno. i dunno how to dance.”

you nod even though he can’t see you, shifting so that he can lie his head down more comfortably on your shoulder.

AHHHHHH and then he’d wrap his arms around you when he feels like you’re moving too much. he’d mumble about how pretty you looked tonight and how shy he was to talk to you which is why he’s so misunderstood :(. you stayed there, for the rest of the night, hyeongjun drunkenly talking to you about what ever come first to his mind. at the point when it’s time to go, he’s sobered up a little and offers his phone for you to put his number in.

the morning after your phone is filled with texts of hyeongjun apologizing for touching you and he’s surprised to hear that you were comfortable with it all, his ears turning red when you say you found it cute the whole time.

[queerian]

in response to the call for discussion on stone identities

prompted by last week's stream with @drdemonprince and @testdevice

this post is about sex and it's very personal! feel free to ignore if very personal essays about sex from your internet friends or strangers is not your idea of a good time

What does sex look like for you, and what brings you the most pleasure or gratification from it?

It starts with a sensory warmup. My partner touches me gently and slowly in a way that wakes my body up to pleasure. I do not get aroused without either being touched this way or thinking about some extremely specific niche freak kink shit. I tend to be nonverbal during sex, unless I need to break "scene" and communicate something specific purposefully, but sometimes it's hard for me to find my words again. Even without speaking I am very expressive. My partner can tell from my reactions when an escalation would be enjoyable. They use their hands and toys. They are very good with their hands, and we have a LOT of toys and other paraphernalia. I had never had an orgasm, at all, in my life, til we did things this way. It is an intense physical pleasure extended to far longer than I can manage by myself during solo activities, sometimes for hours. It allows me to stop my over-analytical thinking brain for a while and sink into sensation and feeling and being in my body, which most of the time I feel disconnected from (thanks alexithymia!) or troubled by. I do think of it as a somewhat meditative state. This kind of sex is also extremely collaborative and intimate. There is a huge amount of trust and being "in tune" with each other.

Is your stone identity related to sensory issues, neurodivergence, or trauma?

All three! I was never coerced into sex by individual partners, but "sex positive" culture (if you were with me you'd see the face I make while doing the scare quotes) has been coercive enough to traumatize me into believing that I am a bad person if I don't "give as good as I get" and that I'm a terrible person if I don't want to reciprocate stimulation in sex. I've been working on this one for years. It still has its claws in me.

Sensory issues make certain sex activities unpleasant or not enjoyable for me, and I appreciate now being able to choose to not do them. For example open mouth kissing. I like kissing skin in some body places, I like having some of my body parts kissed, but I do not like sharing saliva or breath. I've always been very picky about what goes in my mouth for sensory reasons, and that's not just a sex thing. On the other hand, other kinds of sensory stimulation in sex can be extremely pleasurable for me. I also tend to keep my eyes closed the entire time (I avoid eye contact at the best of times but in sex it's uhhhhhh even more Too Intense) and this lets me sink into other sensory experiences more intensely.

The neurodivergence bit I think is pretty clear from everything else I've said in this piece of writing.

How did you figure out you were stone?

I once turned to aceness as a way of trying to validate myself at the same time as problematizing my own lack of "appropriate" desire. "It is it wrong of me to not want to touch someone's genitals, whatever they may be, to not want to get them off, to not even let them get themselves off using my body, and it's wrong of me to not desire them carnally, to not be obsessed with and fulfilled by them romantically. Thus, I must be ace and aro, because that means it's okay to not want all that sometimes or all the time."

I've come to call myself a "stone bottom" in a deliberate effort of self-acceptance and self-validation. I was long aware of the idea of a stone top, a touch-me-not, someone who derives pleasure and gratification from getting her/their partners off but does not want to be fucked or gotten off. I don't recall seeing anyone else identify as a stone bottom, but as a mirror image of a stone top it makes perfect sense to me: someone who derives pleasure and gratification from being gotten off, from being touched or fucked, but does not want to get their partners off. I think I've only ever seen that called "selfish" unless it was in a power exchange scenario and part of dominance and submission.

Are you a gay man who identifies as stone, or a stone bottom, or some other identity that's less often talked about?

I'm non-binary/agender and generally perceived by society as a woman. I have a vagina. I've only ever had sex with people who have penises. I feel like it's pretty unusual for me to be a person with a vagina having sex with a person who has a penis and the penis is not involved at all in the sex. With previous partners, it's not just that it was expected that at some point they would be sticking it in me, it's that I never got to opt out of someone else using me, even gently, lovingly, and with attention to my pleasure. See aforementioned cultural trauma, lol. Reciprocation simply was not something I could abstain from without being a Grade A Asshole. Back then, I didn't even "actively want to not reciprocate". I wanted to be "good, giving, and game", like Dan Savage wrote you should be in his column that I read in my hunger to know more about sex and be having it a "correct, right" way. I wasn't yearning to be a stone bottom. I didn't know that was even an option. I didn't know it was possible to be a pillow princess and to have a partner that enjoyed this kind of sex, for it not to be a chore or imposition on them, and for this kind of sex to be a mutual sharing of intimacy.

Plenty of people buck the stereotypical straight cis sex scenario of "man (penis haver) does a little "foreplay" for the woman (vagina haver) to get her ready for the main event (penis in vagina), which they do til he ejaculates, and if she's lucky he'll eat her out or rub her clit and she might also get an orgasm." There's a thriving counter-culture where "reciprocal sexual gratification" is emphasized, all sorts of books and guides and tips and porn showing how important it is that "she comes first" or whatever, but most of it still centres around the point that "reciprocity is essential to not being an asshole". If he's an asshole for not appropriately tending to her pleasure, surely she would be, too, for ignoring his. And I really, really strongly internalized the belief that if I am not reciprocating, I am an unforgivable asshole. There's something, too, about the lack of "balance" that has long made me feel morally incorrect. (Points again at the neurodivergence.)

Is it a struggle to get partners to respect it?

I have not dated much, and I have not fucked much, mostly because I did not want to do either of those things enough to do less interesting or more tiresome things in order to achieve sex or dating. I also rarely experience what I'll call "sufficiently motivating attraction". I currently identify as nebulously "somewhere" on the asexual and aromantic spectra, and this is inseparable from the stone bottom/pillow princess situation. All of this is also wrapped up in my one ongoing relationship with my partner. I honestly don't know how differently things would be with another partner. I suspect I have facets that come out in different contexts, in response to different people and my feelings about them. What I do know with confidence is that my partner respects me, understands me quite well, and we communicate openly and frequently about things. I trust that if they have an issue with the current situation, they'll bring it up and we can talk about it and work on things. I trust that every time we have sex, they're initiating because they want to just as I can decline if and when I want to. I particularly appreciate the fact that I don't have to be an object of desire. That they can enjoy making me feel good, and it's not about "having" me. The very fact that someone just wants to make me feel good, over and over again, is pretty mind-blowing.

[viktorrights]

hello! i want to start off with thanking you for sharing coming home (but not to you) with us!

i was hesitant to read it at first, just because it’s not finished yet, but ofc i ended up giving in. best decision i’ve made :’))

aaaaaaaaaaa im in love with how you wrote them. gosh, the angst hits amazingly, i immediately ran to my friend to share it and told them to read this now!!! i’m a sucker for professors au (we’re lacking in it /sobs), slow-burn, angst, yearning, friends to rivals to friends to lovers again and your fic matches all those! and to top it off, your writing is amazing!

LOVER BOY JAYCE, MY FAVOURITE FLAVOUR OF HIM!!! fawk i just want to give him a hug and a pat on the back /becomes ximena for a bit to just do that/ lmao

and viktor huhuhu holy fuck how do i even describe what i feel for him? i think the best way to express it is /takes off mask/ i am jayce—jk dbdbdjd but yeah i love viktor a lot and i feel so much for him idk how to form the words😭 he’s my favourite and i love love love the way you write him! i love how you were able to balance his confidence and insecurities so well i just want to squish him dhdhdhd i think at some point i was praying he stops being stubborn and let jayce apologize, but honestly it’s hard and i understand why he was very firm. gods the tender moments between him and jayce huhuhu i want to bawl my eyes—i love jayvik so much.

the highlights for me were the catnapping (love this scene), viktor’s mentorship with jinx (my two faves😭🩷), the sisters’ reunion, ximena (omg i love her so much, i want to be her child and get smothered by her love), and ofc, the apology scene😭🩷🩷🩷

this was supposed to be just a small thank you and then get to my questions, but i ended up gushing a bit ^^; i should have probably taken this to ao3 comments instead dbdhdhd

so moving on to my questions, please know you don’t have to answer them if you’re not comfortable! i’m just interested in knowing some of the process authors’ go through when writing fics! and the way they choose to interpret the characters and their relationships.

- what made you watch arcane and fall for jayvik?

- were there any troublesome scenes/parts to write?

- which dynamics were you excited to write and explore in cmbnty?

- were there scenes that you wanted to incorporate, but didn’t end up adding?

- and lastly, other than arcane and jayvik, what are some of your interests?

that’s all!! and once again, please free to ignore the questions if you’d like!

p.s i laughed so hard on your author’s note about jayce not driving a cybertruck😭

thank you so much again for sharing cmbnty!

<3

HOLY MOLY THIS IS SO SWEET AND THOUGHTFUL!!!! I LOVE QUESTIONS!! I'm going to take some time to answer this one so here. Also, I do get into the current chapter a little (no spoilers, obviously, but maybe some lil hints/teasers, so I hope that's cool)

thank you so much for your thoughts on my viktor and jayce! I've worked so hard on trying to make them just the right amount of difficult and flawed so I love it when people see that and says it hits <3

the catnapping scene was so fun to write - and I adore jinx - so I'm glad those two things also hit fo you <3

i first watched arcane when it came out in 2021 because I saw gifs of it on tumblr and was so thrown by how beautiful the animation was. (I wont lie, controversially, I almost gave up on it because the music was so..... choice to me). i loved jayvik at the time. i was really hoping caitvi was going to hit harder (another reason I got into it is I heard lesbians) but I didn't really connect with the enforcer elements of caitlyn's story (I love her but yeah I found it all a bit questionable and I'm very very sick of lesbian cops in media)

i was obsessed. but not 'its time to engage with the fandom' obsessed. for some reason the first season just didn't hit as hard then as it did on my re-watch.

fast forward to 2024 and sorry this is so personal - but I'm between hyperfixations and am very depressed (lethal combo DKSLFJHSD) and it was the perfect storm for me to get re-immersed in arcane after I saw the first trailer on my twitter feed.

jayvik itself hits a lot of buttons for me I just adore. they're both genuinely kind characters who are flawed but want to do good. they have a natural chemistry and I just love stories about people who hold certain gifts that may be isolating and then they find each other and it means that they become the only people who can really understand each other?

I'm also OBSESSED with scientist characters. something about the beauty of discovery. the passion. the way its so easy to create something with good intentions that winds up causing harm. i have close family in stem and did a lot of stem stuff in undergrad and idk. i just really love scientists. my ideal woman is some hot woman in stem DKFLJSHf.

viktor being disabled (which i also am) also added a layer to this for sure. and just. the immediate stakes of saving someone's life. connecting over a dream - that Jayce is just so graciously and immediately willing to share after like. a few hours alone together lmao. it all feels so intense and loving.

2. troublesome scenes to write

so many dfkljh.

the flashback in chapter 3 came kind of out of nowhere for me. i did not expect it to get so emotionally charged- and to feel so much when I was writing it. i left this note in chapter four - but I was sitting on the chapter for days and afraid to publish because I was so surprised by it. it wasn't so much troublesome to write as it was troublesome to edit/reflect on. i got really in my head. i was like this is fanfiction about league of legends characters. why did I write this? DLKFJSHD.

the flashback of their big fight in chapter 5

this one, I'm so glad I wrote this before getting eyes because I fear I would have been very tempted to sanitize it and make it less mean. even now I've gotten a few comments being like. :( jayce would never do that :(

in my opinion... he would lol and I stand by it. everybody is capable of being really ugly and horrible when pushed into the right corner/circumstances. and jayce very much did manufacture weapons on the show despite viktor's wishes - so its something I was really wanting to explore in a modern context.

its just something i had to think a lot about. how far did I want it to go? how could I make it get really nasty while keeping some sort of empathy alive for both sides, especially jayce. how to I make sure viktor doesn't become this innocent victim in it all? how do I make sure that mel, despite being a catalyst, isn't portrayed as like a villain who ruined everything and instead as someone with her own unique motivations and concerns that happened to deliver crucial information? i hope I did all of it well. I'm personally as happy with the scene as I'll get with anything.

out of all the scenes I wrote, this is the one that gets the most pushback, specifically relating to jayce. i knew that would happen going into it, because I think the fandom has an over-romanticized view of jayce's arc and actions in season 1. but oddly I'm almost happy with that? I'm glad that it challenges people. one of the things I find most compelling and beautiful about jayce is redemption. and redemption can't happen unless you do something that requires it - so I hate that people ignore how much fucked up shit he does in season 1 lmao.

mel and viktor's slay-off on the balcony

the end of chapter 11 where mel and viktor talk I just knew was going to be incredibly important. it was one of those moments I was leading up to the whole time, because I knew it would be very relevant in future chapters (wink wink) and because its such a culmination of everything that's happened so far.

on my first write of it, i think because I was afraid of it, I focused way more on the logistics of what was happening with noxus and the board etc etc. it took me a while to find a balance between plot and emotion I was comfortable with.

for some reason the entire time i knew they were going to wind up laughing together. that was very emotionally important to me. but getting there was uhh... hard. again. I'm not saying I did this (or the above scenes) perfectly like good god. but yeah this one was a hard journey.

very important/high-stakes scene in chapter 13

there is a very big scene that I've had planned the whole time that, after season 2, I found important to take in a slightly darker and more dramatic direction. a lot of reasons I was torn on this - 1 - allowing season 2 to influence my writing is something I'm hesitant about. but also this is FANFIC so I decided that's kind of the point.

but its very much been a very delicate balance of a few things - 1. how do I not get preachy and let my anger at the particular storyline in season 2 affect how I write this? 2. this deals with jayce and viktor being witnesses to other characters struggles vs being at the center of it themselves? so I have to deal with how much they can actually be present. (this was also a struggle I had when Vi and Jinx reunited) how much they would logically witness before it feels like they're only present so I can continue telling the story. 3. because its such a dramatic scene, how do I make the dialogue feel real? how do I not let a particular character speak their feelings too much while also giving people a good window into their psyche? 4. how high the stakes should be. (this I will elaborate on once its out)

i am incredibly nervous for this scene. more so than anything else I've written in this fic. I'm still working on my first draft of the chapter and am going to spend so so much time in the next drafts on it. it's going to be really hard to land this one - and I really wanna do it right.

the final scene :)

i still dont have my final scene. i know where its happening, what thematically I want of it, how we get there, and I know I'm writing it today.

there was a moment where I almost went in a direction I think people would like- but have decided against ultimately. it felt too... cliche and a bit unearned.

additionally, with characters like viktor, who really struggle with saying what's on their mind, I have to play a very careful game of giving him bits of dialogue that land and feel like growth, without feeling unearned or unnatural.

3. which dynamics were you excited to write and explore in cmbnty?

aside from the obvious, jinx and viktor (honestly after season 2, i wish i explored jayce and ekko more), mel and viktor, cait and jayce.

4. were there scenes that you wanted to incorporate, but didn’t end up adding?

there's nothing huge that jumps out at me. honestly, I think there are probably some things I could have condensed more looking at the word count. i think the only thing is I had an idea for a flashback last chapter that dealt with jayce in the aftermath of viktor leaving, but I couldn't find a way to make it relevant, and it ultimately felt very overindulgent and melodramatic in the outline in a way I really didn't fuck with.

and lastly, other than arcane and jayvik, what are some of your interests?

:) i'm really into film. i'm a bit of a film bro lmao. i like video games (huge bg3 fan). true to my ao3 name i love cats and animals in general. I'm fascinated with outer space, physics, astrobiology. I'm also a huge history nerd, especially "weird" and unheard of history.

my whole life is writing really. in a way that's probably not super healthy lmao but it is what it is.

I am so sorry for the insane yap session I just went on. hopefully it doesn't come off overindulgent or like self involved. i just love chit chatting haha and happen to be fully on a break from work for a few weeks so I have a ton of time on my hands dfklasjdf

[taintedtort]

prompt ✧ you don’t say i love you back

characters ✧ albedo, kazuha, aether

warnings ✧ gn!reader, aether calls you honey

a/n ✧ this is a pt 2… albedo as promised (and yes i used kazuha‘s bday haiku, im unoriginal and hate poetry)

ALBEDO

✧ confused

the two of you were walking back to his cave in the snow, hands intertwined together with them both stuffed into one of albedos pockets. he insists he doesn’t need lots of layers, having been used to the cold for quite some time, but you force him to put on a coat anyway. he secretly thinks it’s endearing how you dote on him though.

you weren’t in a hurry. the wind was calm and there weren’t any monsters on this path, it was peaceful. the snow crunched under your shoes as you walked, the sound a harsh contrast to that of the quiet mountain.

you were lost in your thoughts until you saw albedo point past your head. you turned, expecting a monster, but instead found a pretty flower. you quickly recognized it as the flower albedo needed for one of his experiments.

you made a sound of enthusiastic surprise before pulling away from him to retrieve it. you stepped over sticks and rocks to reach it, carefully pulling at the stem.

once you got it, you stumbled your way back over to albedo, a huge smile on your face. you proudly presented the item, making a cheesy comment about you getting him flowers.

it was moments like these that made his heart swell with adoration towards you, and he couldn’t help but tell you just how he felt.

"i love you very much, you make me feel things i’ve never experienced before. thank you."

his words completely caught you off guard, making your cheeks heat up. you almost responded on instinct, but remembered your joke you’ve been wanting to try. you’ve been waiting for days, you couldn’t pass this opportunity to prank him!

you weren’t so heartless as to simply nod at his words, so you flashed a smile and pecked his cold cheek. you turned to keep walking and he followed, not saying anything else. if you could see his face, you’d see the confused furrow in his brow.

once arrived back to his warm cave, you sat on the bed. the walk into mondstadt was too long, your feet ached from the excessive walking as well as the cold.

while you lay with your eyes closed, you could feel albedo staring. you knew he most likely caught on to your joke and was trying to find the most likely scenario to your lack of response.

he doesn’t say it often, so he knows when he does it’s more special, that’s why you always make an effort to say it back. were you upset? no… there’s no indication youre angry with him. did you just not feel like it? maybe you didn’t feel the same amount of love for him in that moment that he did for you.

he tried to brush it off but couldn’t, he doesn’t like not knowing things. that reason was why he walked over and joined you on the bed instead of using the flower you picked for him to finish his project. when you felt him sink down next to you, you were a bit surprised. he doesn’t usually break from his experiments, especially after finally getting the last thing he needed after looking for so long.

he turned on his side and propped his head up with his hand, letting his other run through your hair. the action brought a content smile to your face. you let yourself relax for a moment before he spoke up.

"are you alright?"

you knew his words had another meaning, but you didn’t give in just yet. you told him you were great besides your feet hurting a little.

"…are you sure?"

his tone was quiet and cautious, not wanting to make you angry at him for pushing. obviously you would never get upset over something like that, but he was being careful.

when you looked at him he was staring at your face, his eyes filled with pure love, but his lips were bent down. his expression made your heart sink, you knew your little joke might upset him but it still made you feel terrible.

you instantly apologized and told him you loved him, turning on your side to face him before wrapping your arms around his torso, your face buried in his chest. you felt him exhale as he returned the embrace.

"were you just teasing me again?"

when he felt you nod he swore he felt ten times lighter. he was seriously worried for a second. he was sort of disappointed in himself for not catching on though, usually he could read you like a book.

"ah, i see. you got me."

KAZUHA

✧ instantly knew

you stood looking over the edge of the ship, staring at the seemingly endless ocean. the crew was bustling behind you, but you were used to the noise so it didn’t bother you.

you felt hands sneak around your waist and a chin rest on your shoulder, a calm voice muttering in your ear. instantly knowing it was kazuha, you turned in his embrace. greeting him with a smile and a quiet 'hi.'

"hi back. i was looking for you."

you smiled at the look on his face. totally smitten. he knew he looked like a lovesick idiot, but he didn’t care. you brought your hands up to his cheeks and smooshed them a little, asking what he needed you for.

"i want you to listen to my haiku, please."

you teased him a little, asking if it was about you, to which he responded with a nod. once you agreed, like always, his voice dropped into a smooth, quiet tone while he recited.

"sun and moon rejoice

birds of dawn sing songs anew

far from home, with you"

he smiled sheepishly when he finished, stating he knows he’s not very good but he tried anyway, like he always says. you shook your head and planted a kiss to his cheek, telling him you loved it and that it was beautiful.

"well thank you, i love you."

he punctuated his words with a firm kiss to your lips. when you parted and didn’t say anything back, he stared at you, scanning your face and waiting.

you tried to keep a straight face, not wanting to give yourself away. but when his staring became too much for you, you let out a huffy laugh, disguising it as a confused one as you furrowed your brow and asked him what was wrong.

he squinted at you accusingly, letting his arms let go of your waist and instead grab onto the side of the ship behind you, trapping you between them. he leaned closer to you, slowly. your heart sped up as you felt his breath on your lips. when he stopped short, hovering over your mouth and not connecting your lips to his, you decided to take the initiative. however, when you leaned forward, he leaned away.

your eyes, which were not all the way closed, opened fully as you huffed at his teasing. you leaned away from him and put your hands on his shoulders. he chuckled at your annoyed face, knowing you hated when he tricked you out of a kiss.

"i’ll let you kiss me if you just say it back."

you knew he knew you were messing with him, that’s why he had to tease you back. it was fair— but that didn’t mean you disliked it any less. with a sigh you apologized and repeated the phrase back to him.

he quickly leaned forward and captured your lips in his, kissing you passionately.

"see? that wasn’t so hard."

AETHER

✧ thought you were upset

you two were doing commissions together like normal. it wasn’t a hard one, aether doesn’t let you go with him on ones he deems too dangerous. you don’t blame him, he’s just a bit paranoid and protective after losing his sister. honestly, if anything it makes you feel safe and loved, knowing he cares about you. but then again you care about him just as much, you wanna be there to help him if he’s hurt! whenever you bring up that argument though, paimon pipes up, claiming she‘ll watch over your long haired boyfriend for you.

but one of those instances is not today. it was peaceful and calm. the commission itself was to find a specific location and take some photos for an old artist who couldn’t make the trip himself. easy stuff, just follow the directions and— oh, there’s a mountain.

"what— oh no. we don’t have to climb that do we?"

aether groaned, flipping frantically back through the directions, making sure you weren’t just supposed to go around it. he sighed and let the paper fall to his side as he realized that yes— you did have to climb the entire mountain, because the location was at the very top. the commissioner failed to mention that part.

you assured him that it’d be fine, saying that the reward you’ll get after will be worth it. which all in all… it really won’t be. it was severely underpaid for the height of the mountain.

"you’re sure you’ll be fine? you won’t fall, right?"

you heard the anxious tone in his voice and reassured him with a firm nod and a kiss on the cheek. he made you pinkie promise to him that you will not fall, and that if you feel yourself getting tired you’ll tell him so he can help.

after taking a deep breath, you both scaled up the mountain. you both had done this many times before, so you weren’t too worried. however, the sheer size of the structure was a bit unsettling.

to say you were relieved when coming to realize there were some cliffs to sit on for a break would be an understatement. you counted 4 total cliff sides that seemed to stick out enough to fit your body, so that’s how you paced yourself.

aether naturally noticed the same thing and followed your lead, hauling himself up onto each ledge and waiting for a few moments before continuing.

he was letting you lead, staying a little ways below you so he could react if you fell. he knew you’d be fine, you’d never fallen before and he didn’t think you would any time soon, but he still couldn’t help but worry just a little.

once you finally reached the top, you turned to pull aether the rest of the way up. but you failed to notice the steep hill that went downwards a few feet away from the ledge.

when you pulled him up, you took a couple steps back to ensure he didn’t fall back over the edge, causing you to lose your footing and tumble down the hill. you heard your lover shout out your name in concern while he tried to grab onto your arm, but he was a second too late.

leafs and sticks were pilled up, making it hard to find your footing. you continued sliding till you reached the bottom, covered in dirt and a few leafs. you heard aether running down after you, yelling out your name and asking if you were okay.

once he reached you, he knelt down, the panic clear in his eyes. his hand instinctively reached for your arm, gently holding it while doing a once over of your body.

"are you alright? i’m so sorry i let you fall! you didn’t break anything did you?"

you started laughing at yourself, kind of embarrassed that he just saw you roll down a hill. he didn’t find it funny though, not a trace of a smile making its way to his face. you had to reassure him that you were completely fine, and he still made sure to check every one of your limbs for broken bones, and even pulled your shirt up to examine your back for scratches.

once he was sure you weren’t seriously injured, he helped you up and took the leafs out of your hair and off your clothes, dusting the dirt off you in the process. after you were relatively cleaned off, he placed a firm kiss to your lips.

"archons… you scared me, i love you."

you flashed him a smile and replied with a simple 'yeah!' before moving around him to keep walking. you heard his hurried footsteps as he caught up to you, intertwining your fingers with his and pulling you to a stop.

"woah woah, what’s wrong? are you okay? seriously."

his expression was that of a kicked puppy, making your heart melt. his lips were turned downward and his eyebrows were drawn together, making his eyes look even softer than usual. you nodded at his questioning, telling him you were completely alright and that he didn’t need to worry about you.

he assumed you thought he meant if you were okay physically, so he quickly clarified with a defeated tone.

"i know you’re fine physically. but you didn’t say it back, is something the matter, honey?"

the nickname mixed with his hand tightly clutching yours was too much, you couldn’t take it. you pulled him into a tight hug and told him you were just teasing him. you said that you loved him more than anyone in the whole world and that he meant everything to you.

you followed up your words with a loving kiss to his lips, leaving him stunned. you noticed his ears reddening, but he quickly recovered and gripped your hand even tighter, moving in front of you to pull you along behind him.

"just teasing huh? i’ll get you back for that later."

[atrophiedemotion]

okay doc *lies down on the therapy couch* tell me about aspd Ivan

(you don’t have to obviously I’m just curious)(love you)

hello valued patient, i will very gladly tell you about aspd ivan. (love you too tysm for the question)

before i start this i just want to add a disclaimer that i do not have aspd. if anyone with aspd says i'm wrong on this definitely believe them before me, this is just a personal headcanon. (i have discussed this with a friend w aspd who agrees with me and im in a similar wheelhouse to aspd, so i have a good amount of knowledge due to that and a lot of research, which is where the headcanon stems from)

okay, so to fully speak about how and why i see ivan with aspd i'm going to also mention the other pd i headcanon ivan with because i want to fully express my perception of him. i personally interpret ivan as having an aspd/npd combination (aspd im more sure of). i see aspd as something ivan was born with a predisposition for (reduced gray matter in the brain, less MAO-A, etc) that got solidified in his very early childhood growing up in the slums and going through the whole 'hung off the top of a building and threatened with death if he didn't make the cut' thing. genetics and trauma, the usual causes. npd is something i imagine him developing later on in life ofc, slowly over time. his chosen survival method being creating a fake persona others admire and his nonexistent self worth & horrible self loathing lead to him developing it (kind of as a subconscious coping mechanism).

okay, with that out of the way, why do i think ivan has aspd?

well. there are a lot of reasons. for one, vivinos and qmeng themselves say that ivan doesn't experience emotions in the same way others do, that he has a 'twisted' personality, he manipulated others to 'play with their feelings', that there was 'something off' about him, etc. while the way these are worded are a little,, derogatory,, it's all very important to ivan's character.

ivan's emotions are muted and dulled compared to others', he literally physically cannot experience them in the same way neurotypicals (in terms of pds) can. from that and other examples in alnst (setting up the wagyein incident w mizi & till, his reaction to his win in r3, his lack of care when it comes to lying & manipulation, etc) it can be pretty safely assumed that ivan doesn't really experience empathy. that's why he learns from other's visible emotions and mirrors them, because he doesn't feel them and instead adopts other people's reactions so he can react/act accordingly/'normally' (specifying here that not having empathy does not mean someone cannot feel sympathy or care about anyone. empathy is being able to feel/pick up on someone else's emotions it does NOT mean someone is uncaring okay thanks moving on).

ivan's tendency to manipulate and lie isn't really explicitly shown much in alnst but the implications are there and very telling imo. before i get into this i want to also specify that 'manipulate' is not the big scary evil word most people think it is and literally everyone does it. to manipulate is to try to have control over a situation, to influence someone/something to get your ideal outcome/get your needs met. many people with cluster b pds learn to manipulate from a young age as a survival mechanism because it is the only way to get the things they need. in ivan's case, his entire fake persona for the aliens and his placations and straight up lying to his peers/teachers/fans etc about his feelings and personality is all manipulation to paint himself in a more favorable light so he has a higher chance of survival. i also wouldn't put it past him to casually manipulate other students at anakt when he was younger so he could learn/observe more things (which was shown with the wagyein incident but i imagine that wasn't the only occasion). i've talked about ivan using subterfuge and disguising his actual intentions behind his odd behaviors which, yk, is manipulation.

when it comes to violence, ivan really doesn't seem to be outwardly violent unless provoked, but when he is he's uncaring about the pain he's causing the other (till lmao) and more focused on what he gets out of the exchange (till's attention & expressions and, imo, a physical stress release). i wasn't sure i was going to bring it up bc i wasn't going to get into the whole pwaspd are violent thing (i dont think it's true for everyone. thoughts and urges are different than actions) but i wanted to talk about ivan's lack of awareness when it comes to it. he impulsively fights back, doesn't pull his punches, and revels in it.

there's also his apparent lack of remorse for his actions (stepping on the flower crown, fighting till, leading mizi and till into danger, all that) and impulsivity when he's not masking (though i consider ivan to be a more calculating individual, a lot of his interactions with till show him doing things impulsively). his difficulty in forming intimate emotional connections with others, his lack of self worth and general lack of care for his own wellbeing, his fatalistic world view.

all of these are symptoms of aspd. im not going to pull out the dsm-5 (ew) because i hate the way it words things (love stigma against mentally ill folks), but all of the things i talked about go along with aspd, which is why i personally think ivan has it. a genetic predisposition, a fuckton of trauma in early childhood (qmeng refers to his time in the slums as a 'dark past') and onward through anakt and beyond, and his lack of emotional understanding. all of it lends itself to aspd. i think this adds a whole new level of understanding to ivan and his reasons for things and just. why he is the way he is. and figuring this out for myself made me love ivan all the more. all of the alnst characters are just traumatized kids who never learned how to live and be human and ivan having an even different baseline than most others put him even more at a disadvantage.

i just want to, like. give this guy therapy or at least make sure he knows that it’s not his fault that his mind works the way it does and there’s nothing wrong with it. and with that, i shall end it here LMAO. tysm rock for the ask ik i asked if you were okay with an essay but this is longer than i anticipated skxjsn i hope you liked it!! and if anyone has any other questions about aspd or npd ivan lmk personality disorders are one of my special interests i love talking about this stuff ajxnsn

[queserasora]

Nanami Kento | JJK Series: Part 2 of Love Kills | Fem! Reader, She/Her Previous WORD COUNT: 6k and honestly it would have been more if I wasn’t yelling at myself CONTENT: NSFW / public nudity because y/n doesn’t own clothes apparently, oral male giving female receiving, shower shenanigans with more fluff than you would imagine actually, profanity, fingering, vaginal penetration, cervix fucking? Kisses? Whatever the kids are calling it these days, and some moderate amount of creampie  A BAD SUMMARY: The one where Nanami and Y/N get a hotel room to prepare for the mission and to wash off the sweat, the rental car is still on fire, Nanami learns a thing or two about curly hair care, and there is absolutely no smoking allowed in the presidential suite

the rental is still on fire when you begin to walk away, barefoot in only your underwear and too tight black blazer. Nanami walks beside you, mostly dressed save for the jacket he left in the car. you try not to scowl, it wouldn’t be fair to him, after all he had offered you his shoes.

you had declined, not keen on looking further like a clown. 

your pride took precedence in that moment, and it was something you would come quickly to regret.

the asphalt under your bare feet was hot, so you walked with light steps; almost dancing. you could feel Nanami’s eyes on you and he’d occasionally pull you by the elbow away from traffic, doing his best to hide you with his larger body from the passing cars.

this was a ridiculous situation, but even in the face of it, nanami kento never forgot to be a gentleman. the jury was still out on whether you liked that or not.

Luckily, your legs hadn’t given out by the time you reached the hotel, although you almost wish they had. You hesitate entering–dressed as you are, with nothing but your panties and blazer. Nanami stops you before you lose what’s left of your pride, and asks you to wait outside. You decide to hide back by the dumpster after several glances and whispers while you stand near the lobby entrance steal your courage.

Now that the heat of nanami’s mouth was no longer clouding your senses, you realize just how stupid you had been. You had sworn to yourself, every night that you dared to think of him, that you would never allow this to happen; that some fantasies should remain as only that. You had sworn to never clash your mouth against his, never allow yourself to explore the hardened edges of his body. You knew the risks outweigh the benefits of such encounters.

Nanami Kento was too reliable, almost normal. It would be too easy to fall into the trap of dreams and make believe. It would be too easy to end up believing in happily ever afters.

There was no way you could allow that to happen.

He comes out at last, and disrupts your thoughts–casting them askew on the dirty parking lot. 

“I was looking for you,” he says, brows raised. If you hadn’t known him, observed him as obsessively as you did, his annoyance wouldn’t be so evident. Nanami Kento was very good at keeping his expression emotionless. He liked structure, and rules. He adhered to his schedule, and constantly looked at his watch. It was something that had bothered you at first and you felt like a hypocrite. How could you call him rude when you were the very epitome of mannerless?It didn’t help that your questionable alliance with Gojo Satoru only furthered your lack of proper social etiquette.

“It was a little unsettling standing there like this,” you gesture quickly at your mostly naked body, before slipping your arms back over your breasts. You weren’t covering anything up with your arms, you were aware, but keeping them folded in front of you somehow gave you a false sense of security. At this point you would take all the crumbs your greedy little hands could grab on to.

There’s a ghost of a smile that flickers across his lips. It fades quickly, barely a memory. He distracts you by gesturing back towards the hotel entrance. “Then let’s make a quick entrance. I got us a room.”

Your legs move before your brain can click the words together. It isn’t until he urges you into the elevator and the doors shut that you realize what he had said. He didn't misspoke. You heard correctly. A room. Singular.

���Did you get double beds?” You ask him, absolutely sure that he had. Nanami Kento wasn’t Gojo Satoru. He had no reason to play little games; however, he doesn’t answer you. His attention is on the glowing dots above the elevator doors and you watch them in silence along with him; one lighting up after the other.

It is quiet in the elevator and you detest it. Silence was never your friend. Your thoughts were always too loud, too quick to speak up one after the other, barely finishing their sentences before they were onto their next tangent. It was always like this with Nanami. The silences between you filled you with anxiety. You wondered how quickly you would annoy him this time, how badly would you fuck up that he’d never want to work with you again?

You were afraid to be without a partner. That’s what you told yourself, at least. The idea of Nanami, of all people, turning their back on you filled you with dread but why wasn’t it enough to stop you from breaking every rule? Why didn’t it stop you from ignoring him during missions when he would ask you to stand back, to think before you act, to allow him to help you?

Why couldn’t you just get it fucking together for once?

A ding snaps you from your reverie and the elevator doors open. You take a deep breath, and Nanami moves before you, stepping into the corridor. He stops, turning his face slightly. Your breath hitches in your chest, and you curse at yourself. What was that about? Maybe you were due for a health examination.

His shoulders tense; hesitation holding him down. He thinks perhaps he shouldn’t have been so impulsive. He should have pushed a little more at the counter, demanded a room with two beds but they had offered a free upgrade for his troubles at the sight of the black card being held in his fingers.

Nanami hated doing overtime, and he loved saving money. How was he supposed to turn it down?

He swallows the apology he wanted to give, and resumes his walk, assuming you will follow him. He stills for a fraction of a second and continues walking once he feels your presence slowly coming up behind him. It wasn’t like you to stick close when he wanted you to. You were unpredictable, and untameable. God knows he had tried, multiple times. You fought him tooth and nail over everything, and skittered around conversations that didn’t involve you asking him to buy you some instant ramen, or a cup of coffee. On occasion, on particularly hard missions when the mini bar of the hotel was very tempting, you’d reveal little jagged pieces of yourself with flushed cheeks and glassy eyes. He held on to those, tucking them in the inside pocket of his blazer.

Still, the only time you ever cooperated with him was to agree with him that Gojo Satoru was the bane of both of your existences. 

That’s why it had surprised him how compliant you had become in the car, of course, before it all blew up in your faces.

He tries to push you out of his thoughts as he opens the door to the room. Your body heat makes it intolerable to be near so he quickly side steps away from you once inside. You are too busy taking in the suite, the expansive floor to ceiling windows, to notice the way his hands fall on his hips, the way his mouth gapes for air once your back is turned.

Perhaps he over estimated himself. He was a gentleman, he tells himself. He could survive the night without touching you, he tries to convince himself as his eyes wander down the length of your legs, eyes resting on the muscular meatiness of your calves. 

Thoughts of how your skin would taste on his tongue prickle the back of his mind, and he counters them by pointing at the bathrobes hanging by the bathroom door. “You should shower first,” he tells you, breathing harshly through his nose. He battles the images of you writhing under his touch. 

You don’t respond quick enough for his liking, so he walks hurriedly towards the bathrobes. He grabs one, almost bringing down the hook rack from the door. When he turns to fling it at you, in a hope of keeping you away from him and his pent up lust, he sees you standing there in nothing but a blazer, and your panties, pressed up against the glass like a kid at a candy shop.

Your hands are flush against the glass, eyes bright as they take in the ocean across the street. You turn your face and smile at him, cheeks pink like the sky being kissed by the sinking sun.

“The sunset is beautiful, Nanamin,” you say, voice dyed with awe. He swallows a hard lump, and clenches his hands into fists. “You should come look.”

He nods, and stays rooted to where he is, feet refusing to follow his commands. “I can see it from here,” he breathes out, voice low and grating. The sunset is indeed beautiful, he notices, when he tears his eyes away from you long enough to take it in. He blinks, trying to capture the image of you against the glass, the ocean and the pastel sky in his mind.

This would haunt him, he knew. He should try harder to forget. He should try harder to resist the urge to press you against the glass wall, just so that he can see you painted under his hands in front of the watercolor sky

“I’m sorry,” he murmurs as he steps towards you, hand outstretched. Heart beating against his ears, he makes his move. “I was being rude. Let me have a look.” You feel a warmth slip under your blazer as his hand presses against the small of your back. As you turn to meet him, surprised by his sudden appearance he grasps your wrists in his, forcing you against the glass.

“Nanami,” you squeak in surprise, wiggling your fingers as he holds your wrists over your head. The cool glass against your skin sends shivers down your spine. At least, that’s what you’re telling yourself.

“Kento,” he reminds you with narrowed eyes, looking down at his nose. “Don’t move, please. I’m trying to watch the view you were talking about.” One of his thighs slips between your legs, and you find yourself holding your breath. You’re not sure of the reason except that it feels urgent; as if you’d fall if you didn’t. He leans into you, pressing his chest against you. The difference in heights places your face against his clavicle. You tilt your head up into his neck instead, trying to get away from the scent of sweat and cologne clinging to his skin.

It doesn’t work. It was a terrible attempt. He floods your senses, aching hot, pulsing through your body. He doesn’t seem to care, in your opinion, as he peers out the window with his chin on the top of your head.

“You should really take a shower,” his voice is gravely, almost a growl. It freezes you, and thaws you immediately; a terrible contradiction–one that could prove fatal if you didn’t get away fast enough. With your hands over your head, his fingers gripping your wrists tightly, you become irritated at his request. How did he expect you to do anything in this situation, especially with his thigh pressing against the heat between your legs? His mouth brushes against your fingers, and you barely contain their twitching. He nips at your knuckles, drops a kiss on the back of one hand.

“I-I–I would love to take a shower,” you say at last, ashamed of your stuttering. “But it seems like your mouth says one thing, and your body has another idea.”

That was bold of you. You are well aware. You’re wondering if this would be enough to shake him to his senses, to remind him of who he was; Nanami Kento the man just outside of your reach.

He is distraught. Your fingers captivate him, as he continues to brush his lips lightly against them. There is a carnal urge to plop each and every one into his mouth; to suck on them with leisure, not a care of the ticking clock on the wall.

Tick. Tock. He licks the inside of one wrist. Tick. Tock. Tick. Tock. He presses his open mouth against it, and sucks loudly. 

Tick. Tock. Tick.

You jolt out from under him, almost stumbling towards the bathroom. He follows you, picking up the discarded bathrobe he had dropped on the ground; the one he had meant to give you before he was wholly distracted by your brown skin set aglow by the sunset. 

“Go on then,” he instructs, pointing his head in the direction of the bathroom. You walk backwards, feeling like a corralled prey. There is a sense of danger, a need to escape. Typically when it came to fight or flight your response was always fight; an innate need to put your life at risk. You had contemplated why that was before, and did not reach any conclusions you liked. Perhaps you didn’t find your life that valuable after all.

Yet somehow, today, it seemed imperative that you survived. 

You did not wish to question it further. Your ass bumps into the door, and you bounce slightly. Nanami smirks at the sight, humming darkly as he tilts his head. 

“Nice cushion,” he jokes as he approaches you. Your heart is hammering away, rattling the bars of your ribs. There is a whooshing sound, deafening, in your ears. He is close enough again that you smell the sweat and dirt off of him. His hand reaches out and you feel yourself falling backwards at the creak of the door.

His reflexes never disappoint. He is quick to grab you by the waist, moving you backwards. Your legs feel heavy, and useless. All you seem capable of doing is watching him. His gaze never leaves your face. You feel it floating over your lips, the bit of exposed cleavage through the blazer. Underneath the fabric, your nipples harden, shaming you some more.

“Is this necessary?” You hiss, face feeling hot. In your embarrassment you found the last dregs of your pride. You cling on to them with sharpened nails. “I can shower by myself, thank you very much.”

“Can you?” he asks with another tilt of his head. He hasn’t removed his arm where it was wrapped around your waist. Once again, you are trapped between him and glass–this time the glass of the shower. He keeps you there, as irritation grows. His thigh was too good at finding its home between your legs. He presses it up against your crotch eliciting a gasp. You’re too afraid to move even as he pulls on the door handle of the clear shower door with one hand.

His other hand undoes the singular button keeping  your blazer from exposing your breasts.

You curse his nimble fingers, and the way your breasts react to the cool air of the room. If your nipples weren't hard before, they surely were now. He looks down at them, his eyes darkening. You slap his hand away, thinking that if you shove your nose in the air high enough it’ll bring back some of your dignity.

It does not, and he laughs at you, slipping the blazer off your shoulders.

“Why are you upset?” he asks you, leaning down to drop a kiss on each shoulder. You shiver and turn around, not wanting to look at him as you hook your thumb under the elastic of your underwear.

“I’m not upset,” you deny. You feel your nostrils flare, a tell tale sign. You’re thankful you’re not facing him but there’s a light reflection on one of the glass panels of the shower. You see him smirk as you bend over slightly to lower your panties over your knees. You stand up right, shimmy until they’re at your ankles. Your leg swings out and you kick them somewhere far, not really caring where.

He laughs again as you get in the shower, fumbling with the knobs. You hear him ask if that means then that you’re embarrassed. The water comes pouring down, quieting his laughter. You stand directly under the shower with your eyes closed, ignoring his question.

He is doing his best, goddammit. He is a gentleman, but he was also a sinner.

He removes his clothes quickly, before he does something stupid like jump in fully clothed. The packed travel bag had been left in the flaming vehicle. He couldn’t really afford to have wet clothes at the moment.

When he joins you in the shower, you are completely soaked. Your curls are now wet wavy tendrils stuck to your neck and your back. He takes in a sharp breath, feeling his cock react at the sight of you; the way drops of water cling to your thighs. He takes residency at the back of the shower, and watches you as you glance at him sideways. Water clings to your lashes, it pours over your breasts, arching over erect nipples.

If he moved from his spot, you would never make it out of this shower without him attached.

You try to ignore him. You had made the mistake of glancing his way while searching for the little bar of hotel soap. The sight of his erection, pink tip calling out to you was enough to make you aroused. You curse at your libido, thinking it its own form of curse. As far as curses went, this one was useless. It would not help you in battle.

You choose to focus your emotions instead, and choose anger. You are angry at the cheap hotel shampoo, and you shake the tiny bottle in Nanami’s direction. “This…crap,” you say, standing under the shower, water pelting your skin. “Does nothing but dry out my curls.” You watch him even as water pours down your face, his figure fluid and moving. 

He humors you, anything to keep from reaching out. “I’m sorry,” he says on behalf of the hotel franchise–if that would please you, he’d repeat it again. “They really should consider some research.” He watches you flip open the lid. An urge flutters in his chest. His hands move before he can chastise them. He takes the bottle from you, and pours some on the crook of his palm. “Allow me.”

You’re too taken aback to put up a fight. He is standing in front of you, naked, with water splattering against his chest. He pulls you gently with one hand away from the shower. You watch him, feeling your cheeks catch fire. His fingers are in your hair, rubbing your scalp. He uses enough pressure to massage and lather. Your eyes close before you can think to fight it. It feels so good, you don’t want him to stop. Your hands find his chest, and you rest them there, feeling his muscles move slightly under your palms.

“Is that good?” he asks you. There is amusement weaved in his words. He watches your face, calm and serene, as he continues to massage your scalp. He liked your fiery mouth that never knew how to shut up even at the cost of his peace; but he liked this side of you as well.

Just as gently as before, he moves you both under the water. His hands move softly through your hair, rinsing the shampoo off. You open your eyes, a little peek–you tell yourself, and it was your mistake. Your heart skips a beat at the sight of him; cheeks tinted pink, his hair plastered on his forehead, water running down the tip of his nose, pouring off his bottom lip.

“Kento,” you breathe out, hands still on his chest. He frowns as he runs his fingers through your hair, gently untangling as best as he can. 

“Don’t say my name like that,” his words sound almost like a whine. Your heart beats even faster as you contemplate that. Why was there a distant sadness behind his eyes? Before you can investigate further, he pulls his gaze away from you, and buries his face on your neck. Instinct wins, and you tilt your head back, giving him more access. His tongue is hot in contrast with the almost cold temperature of the shower. 

Your hands slide from his chest, over his shoulders, where you wrap them around his neck keeping him close to you.

“Why not?” You ask him, fingers tangling in his wet hair. “I thought you wanted me to call you Kento.”

He nips at your neck, mumbling something you don’t catch. His lips move to your ear. “You should finish with your hair first. Don’t you need to untangle it?’

You hum wondering when Nanami Kento became verse in anything to do with your curly hair. Your eyes wander around the shower, trying to find what you need but Nanami keeps cutting into your view, his mouth now hungrily leaving kisses on your jawline.

“I saw a comb,” he mumbles against the corner of your mouth. You turn your face to catch his lips but he avoids you, brushing his nose against yours instead. “By the sink.”

You figured you might as well wash your body in that case, and turn away from him, feeling embarrassed at the idea. You quickly lather your body, feeling Nanami’s eyes on you. Unable to take it anymore, you shove the bar of soap at him.

“Don’t just stare at me,” you say, sounding like a petulant child even to your own ears. He only smiles, and it is evident to you that he is holding back from laughing; again.

As he lathers, you try your best to pretend to be completely busy with conditioning your hair. Your fingers work at your wet curls, massaging, and ensuring your ends are coated enough. Meanwhile, your eyes take the absolute work of art in front of you. You are enraptured by the way bubbles form over his tan skin, how lather slinks lazily down the edges of his abs, and down his meaty thighs.

You swallow harshly, at the sight of his hardened cock, partially concealed by his dark blond fuzz and foamy white bubbles. A sigh escapes your mouth. You turn quickly to rinse off some of the excess conditioner before you can see the smirk form on Nanami’s mouth.

You don’t announce your departure and simply exit the shower before he can stop you. You feel like a newborn fawn, stumbling towards the sink. 

“It’s right there,” he says, stepping out from the shower after shutting off the water. He slips into a bathrobe, and walks towards you. You grasp the comb as he places the robe over your wet body. You slip your arms through the sleeves. Words form in your throat but you forget them, when he gently takes one of your hands in his, and leads you out of the bathroom.

“Kento,” you say his name again, a breathy prayer. Why was he doing this to you? Your heart had just started to slow down, and it continued its desperate race again; anything to get away from its natural enemy. 

“Hmm?” he hums, as he pushes you down to sit on the edge of the bed. His fingers pluck the comb from your hand. “Please let me.”

He had dreamed of you, too often. He had learned to become ashamed of it. The dreams were sometimes so vastly different from each other he couldn’t understand his own feelings. At first he was convinced it was nothing but lust. He was depriving himself of release. Having reached that conclusion, he had tried beating it out of himself, moaning in bed as he tried not to think of you, his hand furiously pumping his pulsing cock.

But he always thought of you when he did, and it never worked at keeping you away.

He had dreamed of your voice moaning his name. He dreamed of kissing your skin, every inch until he had memorized the way you tasted. He had dreamed of holding you against him in bed, burying his face in your hair until the smell of your shampoo lulled him to sleep. 

Maybe it was lust. Maybe it was something a little bit different.

You don’t stop him. You never do. He glides the comb through your hair delicately. You can tell he’s trying his best not to hurt you. You bite back a smile.

“You need to be a little more forceful if you’re going to do that, Kento,” you tell him, turning your head slightly. His face is just out of sight, but you think you see his brows knit together. He grasps your hair, and starts combing the ends when you prompt him. You praise him when he manages to untangle half your hair, and hold back the urge to slap him when he gets the comb stuck in a knot. 

“Sorry sorry,” he mumbles at the top of your head, and drops a kiss that stills you. You feel it travel down your spine, electrifying your toes and fingers. He finishes quickly after, and palms the hair that has fallen out. “You shed…” he says and you fix him with an impatient look. He smiles. “It’s the size of a fat hamster. You want to keep it?”

You take it silently from his hand and throw it at the bin, missing it entirely. 

“Let’s not worry about that right now,” you tell him, turning to face him. You run your fingers through your hair, fluffing up your curls. Eagerly, he joins you, hands brushing against yours. You laugh at his fascination. “What is with you and my hair?”

There is a sheepish smile on his face; one that looks out of place. It takes your breath away.

“I just..” he stops to pull his hands away from your hair, but they find your face instead. His eyes are on your mouth, and you feel as if he is sucking the breath out of your lungs through them. “You never tell me about yourself. I want to know.”

You feel guilty. He was right, of course. You had done that on purpose. It was your modus operandi; your act of self preservation.

“Why?” you ask him, and wish you hadn’t. You didn’t want to know. You shouldn’t know. You want to take it back.

“I don’t know,” he says quietly, a whispered confession only meant for you. “I don’t know but I want to find out. Won’t you let me?”

It is too late to take it back. His truth is something you can’t erase. The words burn your skin. Smoke clouds your senses; the aftermath of your scorched soul. You feel like death; like falling.

His mouth is on yours, pulling you to his reality. In your mind you know you should put up a fight, claw at his face and run away. In your mind you know this will only end in tragedy; an avoidable disaster. You know this, and more, but you open your mouth to let him in. You moan against him when he sucks on your tongue and pushes the robe off your shoulders.

His kisses are blistering against your skin, his hands travel over your body unannounced with no apparent plan. He pushes you back on the bed, and straddles you. He stops only to take off his robe before he pounces on you again, desperate to taste all of your mouth. His tongue is invasive, and demanding, kisses growing more sloppy the longer he savors you. You feel his hardened cock against your soft belly, precum smearing against your skin.

You can’t wait any longer. Your fingers reach between your bodies to wrap around the base of his cock. Slowly, you stroke up and down, brushing your thumb against the slit. He moans against your neck, as he moves his hips against you, desperately wanting you to continue. He kisses you like he had dreamed about, every inch of your neck, down the middle of your breasts. He kisses your hips, the top of your knees. He presses his lips against the inside of one thigh, takes a deep breath of your skin; the mundane scent of hotel soap quickly becomes intoxicating.

Your back arches as he moves upwards, opening his mouth to take as much as your wet cunt he could into his mouth. His tongue laps at your folds, eyes rolling to the back of his head at the slight salty taste. He uses his hands to part your lips, and he drags his tongue against the slot of your pussy, before slipping his tongue inside you.

You shout his name, fingers clutching strands of dirty blond hair. He barely hears you. His blood pumps loudly in his ears, he feels like a man possessed, devouring your cunt as if this would be the one thing to grant him salvation. He teases your swollen bud with his tongue, flicking and sucking in turns.

When he hears you cry out his name again, he slips a finger inside you, then two.

“There you go again,” he pants against your thigh before he bites down. You cry out in a mixture of pain and pleasure. “You keep saying my name like that and expect me to act with reason.”

He was a reasonable man. A goddamn gentleman, but if you kept saying his name as if you were offering yourself up as sacrifice what was a man supposed to do except accept?

Fuck reason, he thinks viciously, as he pulls himself up from between your legs. He kneels on the bed, and pulls you by the hips to him. With one hand, he adjusts the tip of his throbbing cock against your wet opening. He grabs one of your legs stretched out in the air and holds it against him.

Your hands falter, they find his abdomen. Fingers dance across his muscles. You feel a plea trying to find its way out but no matter how you push it won’t go. You want to ask him to be gentle; maybe ask him to reconsider. You think, if Nanami Kento fucks you, you’ll never be the same again.

He doesn’t give you that privilege.

He slams his hips against yours, bottoming out inside you in one stroke. A groan that lifts your back off the bed is cut off as you run out of breath. You take in a loud gasp as you try to adjust around him, feeling your pussy clench around his thick length. 

“Oh, Kento,” you pant, hands desperately pushing at his pelvis. “You’re in too deep.”

He grits his teeth as he looks down at you. His chest moves quickly as his breaths come in ragged. His jaw is tense, shoulders unmoving.

“I’m doing my fucking best here,” he says, trying to keep his voice steady and low. He doesn’t mean to come off mean, but you were being unreasonable. “Just relax.”

You think of cussing him out, and running for your life. Once again, he denies you that privilege. He leans over you, your leg still in his possession. You bend your knee, ankle now over his shoulder. You whine, and bite your bottom lip, try your best to glare at him.

“I’m not that bendy,” you spit through clenched teeth. He watches you for a second, and seems to choose to ignore you. You pull on his hair but he is on your breasts, sucking on your nipples with newfound greed. You moan, feeling yourself become even wetter. His hips are moving, very slowly; a new kind of torture.

“Kento, what are you–” You’re cut off by him hissing, bringing his annoyed face close to yours.

“What do you want?” he asks you, face riddled with frustration. “Tell me. And I'll give it to you.” The truth was you didn’t know what you wanted. He sees your lack of response as an unnecessary delay. He only had so much time with you, why were you taking it up with useless hesitations?

“You are a nuisance sometimes,” he says against your breast, taking his time to wrap his tongue against your nipples. You shiver, and whimper, fingers rolling over the muscles of his back. “You don’t have to fight me over everything.”

He was right. He was often right. You close your eyes and loosen your hold on him. Your body relaxes under his touch, his hands gripping your breasts as he nips at your sensitive parts.

“Just let go,” he asks you, pulling away to look down at you. His hair is a mess, his face is flushed as he adjusts your legs again, folding your knees against your chest. You moan, feeling him move deeper.

His hips begin to move again, picking up speed. He thrusts in you, as he falls over you, keeping his mouth next to one of your ears. Even through his pants, and low moans, you hear the squelching of your pussy every time he pushes inside you. You bite down on your lip, desperately trying to keep quiet. It wasn’t that you wanted to deprive him of anything; he kept asking you to say his name but you were selfish. You enjoyed the lewd sounds of your soaking wet pussy being pounded by his cock; loved to hear the sound of his balls slapping against your ass.

“You’re being mean,” he growls against your neck, his fingers digging into the flesh of your hips; hard enough to bruise. “Why can’t you give me what I want?”

You whimper. “It’s not that,” you breathe out, a yelp flying past your teeth as he changes the angle of his hips slightly. Your thoughts are scattered as the tip of his cock begins hitting your cervix.

“Then what?” he hisses through his teeth. His eyes want to close at the pleasure but he doesn’t want to miss the way you squirm underneath him. He can’t believe how wet you are; how it feels like you keep sucking him back in. He picks up the pace even more, thrusts becoming sloppy and merciless.

You become unbound. He holds you tightly as you try to get away from him, your cries urging him on.

“See? It wasn’t so hard,” he says with a small smile. You barely see it through your tears, your moans become unintelligible noises. You lick your lips, feeling drool fall down the corner of your mouth. Kento licks up your chin, taking care of it for you. It was just as well, you felt like collapsing. Your muscles ached, and your pussy felt puffy and overstimulated. You could feel yourself so close. You try to tell him, try to urge him on but no words come out.

He slips his hands under your head, holds you up so he can watch your face; watch how it contorts every time he pushes inside you. He smiles softly before he presses his forehead against yours. “That’s my girl,” he says, chest full.

He chases his high the more you cry. The way your pussy milks him when you cum isn’t something he is used to. He loses the battle and spills inside you. He watches with mild awe the way his cum seeps out between his cock from your pussy, milky white against the soaked bed sheets. His hips roll gently against yours, still feeling high from ecstasy.

You kiss his cheeks as your fingers dance over his jawline. He chuckles, nipping at them. “You, and your little fingers,” he mumbles against them, taking an index finger into his mouth for a suck. 

You hum as he does, chest burning. “I think I need a smoke.”

He releases your finger with a pop, and glares down at you. “This is a non-smoking room.”

“Oh, come on,” you say with a crooked grin, doing your best to roll a strand of his hair around one finger tip. “I’m sure you can think of some excuse if they ask.”

“Am I joke to you?”

[mj-102009]

Million to One (Colby Brock x oc)

Summary: After rising through the youtube ranks of a paranormal investigator, Avery Denim meets Colby Brock and quickly gets what the hype was about.

Warnings: Cheesy, alcohol, ghostes?

Words: 5363

Masterlist

-----------------------------------

I watched the video again with a shaky breath in and out.

Andee looked around the room, her eyes brave but her body betrayed her fear. “Is anyone here?”

I didn’t glance up from the spirit box in her hands, keeping lazer focus on the device.

By my side, Eve had the camera trained on my face, she reached out and tapped my arm. “You good?”

I nodded. “Yeah, I just…I feel off.”

On the floor across the rem pod, Callum raised an eyebrow. “Avery with an off feeling is never good.”

Andee asked one more question. “How did you die?”

My feeling expanded in my chest and forced its way out my throat into words. “Polio.”

Everyone sucked in a breath and no one moved an inch. 

“She’s right.”

The crack of the spirit box had everyone jumping to their feet and yelling.

The clip ended with my “not surprised but very much dizzy” expression.

The video had been posted to tiktok over a week ago and had received over 57 million views and 5 million likes; shooting our 800,000 subscribers on youtube to nearly two million. Most of the comments circled around “Avery is so psychic” or “faaaake asf” (Although I’ve been too afraid to go through it too much).

“Well,” I announced to my phone, the instagram live was filled with more viewers than normal. “What do we think?”

Most of the comments were good, the bad drained out by enthusiastic greetings. I had the phone propped up on the water bottle as Eve and I struggled to make dinner.

“Where’s the ramen?” I asked, she leaned over and poured the noodles into the sauce.

“Avery, someone wants to know when the full video will be out.”

I hummed and thought. “Hopefully next week– unless I get busy.” She set out bowls and we sat at the table. “Wanna tell em’ where we’re going next?” I asked

“Not particularly,” She mused with a wry smirk. “I have to finalize shit before we can announce it.”

I sighed and shook my head at the live. “I tried.”

She chuckled and looked through the chat. “Is Avery okay?”

I spread my arms wide and did a mini twirl. “I’m vibin’”

“Yeah, guy, that video was filmed a few weeks ago,” Eve told them. “We’re at the very end of editing before we can put it out.”

“Hopefully,” I crossed my fingers. “Andee and Callum wanted to go out while we’re here– tonight I think.”

Eve bobbed her head. “Oh we’re definitely going out while we’re in Vegas.”

I put my hands up and danced in my seat. “Paaaarty!”

“GET IN LOSERS WE’RE GOING OUT!” I shouted out the window of my car, Eve whooped and waved in the passenger side.

Andee walked out in all her glory with Callum on her arm; she had on a knitted shirt over a black crop top with a mini skirt; he was wearing jeans and a black long sleeve shirt; Eve was in a yellow crop top and a white skirt; and I had on a black mini dress and navy heels. The three of us girls had on various amounts of makeup and different hair styles– I had my hair curled (courtesy of Eve’s skills) with lip gloss.

Eve whistled slowly and got out to open the door for them. “Got everything?”

She nodded and they buckled, I put in the GPS and left their airbnb. “Is Cal driving home?”

“Yup,” He nodded. “I’m going on water the whole time,” He ended that with a heavy sigh.

We laughed at him and Andee peppered his check with kisses (but still giggled). “Where are we going again?” She asked.

“It’s called Mandy’s,” Eve said over her shoulder. “It sounded pretty chill.”

I huff a breathy laugh. “Your lack of information is so very reassuring.”

“It’s not,” Callum chimed in over his phone.

“It’s not,” I agree.

We watched as Eve had her torso thrown drunkenly over the counter to talk to the bartender. Andee was shaking her head while I cackled and filmed her to show her later.

“Should we stop her?” I mused once I had my blackmail.

Callum shrugged. “We’ll watch her.”

I shot them finger guns and stood up to go to the bar– opposite to where my idiot friend was. “Hey!” I shouted to the bartender over the loud ass music, the woman came over and leaned towards me. “Can I have another one of these?” I showed her my empty whiteclaw, she nodded and reached under the counter for the fridge.

I turned to walk back to my table and my head knocked right into someone’s collarbone.

Now listen.

I’ve never tried to be tall– because I’m not (5’4 gang can we get a whoop). But the split second before I was ashamed, I was trembling under this tree of a man.

“Shit!” I exclaimed, jerking back. And in slow motion I felt my foot catch on the bar stool and I began to slip.

The man yelped as well and quickly caught my shoulders to keep me up. “Holy shit, I’m so sorry!”

I straightened myself and waved my hands quickly. “You’re fine, my fault– completely.”

When I looked up to see what walking muscle man I’d stumbled upon, I was rendered speechless. “Oh my gods– you’re Colby Brock.”

For a moment something akin to panic flickered across his face before he rubbed the back of his neck and nodded. A smile on his face that didn’t seem to reach his eyes. “Hi, yeah, nice to meet you.”

“My friend is such a huge fan,” I told him. “She’s definitely out of commission right now but she’ll cry when I tell her about this tomorrow.”

He laughed and studied me with a smile that had slowly turned genuine. I moved out of the way so he could lean on the counter beside me. “You look so familiar.”

For a moment I was flattered then I remembered the video and common sense reminded me: ‘Well no shit the paranormal investigators have seen the viral video about the paranormal.’

“Oh I do some investigating with my friends,” I vaguely point to our booth, cracking open my can. “If we weren’t in a fuckin’ bar I’d talk shop but I don’t want to ruin your ni-”

“No no no,” He waved his hands in dismissal. “You can’t leave until I can remember where I know you from.”

I burst into bubbles of laughter. “Okay, do you want a hint?”

He shook his head and narrowed his eyes at me. “Shit it’s so close– what’s your first name?”

“Avery,” I answered amused.

“Fuck!” He exclaimed, smacking the counter lightly . “From Miracle Chasers– Sam was talking about you the other day.”

I blinked and grinned. “Seriously? That’s wicked.”

He was still pouting. “I should have gotten that sooner, I’ve been tagged in your video a billion times.”

“It still makes my head spin,” I take a long sip of my drink. “But you guys are crazy awesome, Eve takes so much inspo from your editing style,” I gushed. “But you did give her the idea of the Conjuring house.”

He fake winced and told me. “Sensitive subject, man. I think it’s intense but definitely worth it,” Then he added on. “Just don’t go more than once– then it gets not worth it.”

I laughed and shook my head. “I’ll send her with y’all on your next trip there.”

“I’m sure we could all do something,” He suggested. “We hear you’re a bit of a psychic.”

“Oh we could totally do something soon,” I agree. “I’m not so sure about my abilities,” I chuckle. “I have zero control over when they come.”

He huffed a laugh. “How about I go introduce you to Sam and we can exchange socials?”

“Sure,” I nod and glance at our booth where Andee and Callum were gawking at me, I shrug and give them a ‘wait there’ gesture.

He ordered a whiteclaw and we made a playful argument over the superior flavor until we were in front of a booth with a few people in it.

Sam looked up and saw Colby first. “What took so long, brother? I almost called you,” he laughed before looking at me.

“Well I ran into a new friend,” He introduced me to the table. “This is Celina, Kris, and Sam.”

I waved and smiled. “Hey, nice to meet you, I'm Avery.”

Sam had to do a triple take. “Well I know who you are,” He shook his head in shock. “Sit down,” He insisted. “This is so crazy I was literally just talking to Celina about your channel.”

I slid into the booth beside Kris and Colby sat beside me. “We were just passing through before heading to California.”

Celina laughed. “What a small world.”

“I was talking about maybe doing an investigation with her and maybe her team one of these days,” Colby told them. “Maybe two for both channels.”

I nodded. “We’d be down for sure.”

Kris sighed. “One of these days it’ll be Sam, Colby, Kris, and Celina on that youtube title,” She shook her fist ruefully.

We all chatted and joked around for a while before Callum came over to grab me. “Hey, we’ve gotta dip before Eve jumps the bartender’s bones,” He said to me, trying not to fanboy.

I laugh and rub my forehead. “Oh my gods of course she is.”

Colby stood up and let me get out. “It was nice to meet you.”

“You too!” I smiled at him then the rest of the table. “Text me when you want to do something.”

Sam gave me the thumbs up and said goodbye.

I walked out with a shitfaced Eve on my shoulders. “Let's go out to the car before I give you the good news.”

Eve stayed quiet. “Repeat that again,” She said in an eerily hushed tone.

“I met Sam and Colby yesterday,” I said skeptically. “While you were drooling over the bartender.”

She looked off into the distance with a dead expression. “Did they see me?”

I shook my head. “Nah, I made sure of it.”

“I might cry,” She whispered as she started to cry. 

Callum was wheezing. “They traded socials.”

The tears that were streaming down her stoic face were almost comical. “You met Colby fucking Brock and got his number?”

“And Sam,” I added under my breath.

She brought her hands to her face and whimpered. “Oh my god.”

Andee sheepishly rubbed her back. “We can still investigate?”

“It's no use,” She whined. “How am I gonna become Eve Brock if he saw hot stuff over here before me?”

I facepalmed and shook my head slowly. “Girl-”

“Do not fraternize with the enemy,” Callum said in a faux military voice. “Sam and Colby are one of the leading channels centering on paranormal activity; do not let the nice abs lead you astray.”

Andee saluted and I looked at Eve. “Don’t worry, I’m not gonna take your crush.”

“Long time no see,” I said into the camera.

Eve shifted the camera to show the two of us. “Welcome to the Miracle Chasers with Avery and I. Today I'm overjoyed to welcome Sam and Colby!”

The two boys jumped out on either side of us and started yelling enthusiastic greetings. “WHAT’S UP GUYS.”

We burst into laughter and they hooked their arms around my neck. Eve put the camera on the tripod to get all of us in the shot.

“We have been trying for weeks to make this happen,” Colby said, shaking my shoulders.

I threw up my hands. “Every time we were in America y'all were in Europe.”

Eve was standing with her weight on one hip. “This is our first time meeting,” She looked at the camera. “They met Ave at first but we’ve only talked over the phone.”

“But we’ve made time and now we’re in one of the most haunted museums in America,” I exclaimed.

We cut the cameras and began to pull out equipment while chatting and discussing plans for the summer. 

I sat on a bench with Colby as Eve spoke with the tour guide, with a deep breath I asked for my water.

“You good?” He asked, passing the bottle.

Clearing my throat, I nodded and said: “It's just so stuffy in here,” my eyes flicked over to Sam who was filming this. “I feel like there’s hundreds of people when it's just us– it's giving me a headache.”

“I have motrin in the car if you need it,” He told me as Eve walked over.

“We have like 10 minutes til they start the tour,” She said, tossing us our passes.

As we walked down the hall I looked at Colby’s shirt. “Is that our merch?”

“Yeah,” He affirmed, showing it off. “We bought it as soon as it came out.”

Eve beamed. “Avery designed this line.”

“Oh shit,” Sam said, checking out the print again. “Might have to pay you to do ours.”

I flush and wave away the compliments. “Thanks, but at the rate that you move around it will never reach you.”

“So this is a rem pod,” Eve explained to the camera before handing it off to Sam. “Anything within a two-ish foot radius will make it go off,” She tossed me and Colby a few cat balls to put around. “Cat balls– literally just cat toys Avery ordered off amazon,” She pulled out the ovilus. “This is our Ovilus, it takes words being spoken by spirits and spits it out for us,” She waved her hand at me. “And Avery but she’s just weird.”

I smack her on the back of the head. “Am not.”

Colby rested his elbow on my head. “Nah she’s right.”

“Shuddup,” I laugh, turning to help set up for the investigation.

And to hide the deep blush that had crawled up my cheeks.

Sam handed me an emf reader and we moved to the office to sit in a half circle. 

“1…2,” Eve sets up the camera and settles back into her spot. “...3– Now we have migrated into the office where the earliest owner of this hotel passed away due to unknown reasons.”

Colby poked my shoulder. “Unless Avery can figure it out tonight.”

I huffed a laugh. “No promises, my ‘abilities’ tend to come and go as they please.”

“And there’s not really any sort of training for psychics, is there?” Sam asks.

“Nope,” I shake my head. “I mean, I meditate and push myself when we go to these places; but there’s not much else we can really do.”

Eve turned on the rem pod and we took turns asking questions all went without answer.

“Was someone with you when you died?” I asked, rapping my fingers on the cold floor. “Your wife-?”

The rem pod lit up and beeped for a few seconds.

All three of my friends stare at me to which I shrug. 

“Did she kill you?” Eve asked.

The rem pod remained quiet.

“Anything?” Colby whispered to me.

I leaned back to whisper in his ear, and the smell of his cologne surrounded me. “I don’t think he wants to talk about what specifically happened.”

The rem pod beeped once and I groaned. 

Eve kicked my foot and stood up. “Should we try the hallway?”

“Suuuure,” I said, hopping to my feet and scooping up the rem pod. “Oh stop it,” I mumbled to the angry beeping and I walked into the hallway and set down the rem pod. I stepped back with the intention of grabbing something in the other room but noticed that the beeping hadn’t stopped. “Uhhhh guys?” Colby poked his head out and I pointed. “That’s not you.”

“That’s not me,” I agreed. “Get the camera.”

The moment Eve walked over with the camera, it stopped. I pursed my lips and shooed her back into the room.

It started up again,

She walked over and it stopped.

“It's messing with us,” Sam muses, kneeling next to the device to reset it.

I drop a few cat balls on the ground before rubbing my hands together and cackling dramatically. “Let's really start this investigation.”

“Yes I’ll have a large fry and a medium sprite– Eve get that shit out of my face–” I giggle, pushing the camera away. “Then two flurries and a 4 count meal.”

Colby elbowed me and whispered. “And a coke.”

I repeated this and confirmed the order. “McDonalds at 3am is not it for me,” I complained.

“Sam is asleep,” Eve whispered. “Be quiet.”

“I will honk this fucking horn,” I threaten jokingly. “Send me that video, I’mma post it on tiktok.” She hums and clicks away at her phone.

Colby yawns and puts his hand in my face, I giggle and push it away. “We’re staying at your place right?” He asks.

I nod. “Yeah Eve lives with a friend of ours and I’ve got a house,” She kicks the back of my seat and I snicker.

We pulled into the driveway of my house and Eve stretched. “Alright, that's my car,” She nodded to the jeep by the end of my driveway, before hopping out of my truck and getting her stuff from the back.

“Goodnight,” I told her, giving her a hug. “Tell Andee I’m still pissed she took my blanket home.”

She rolled her eyes and waved to Colby and also Sam but he was still barely awake.

“I have the last two rooms down the hall set up with new sheets,” I whisper quietly to Colby as I get my backpack and Sam’s bag. 

“Okay,” He says walking up the porch steps. I softly call out his name and toss him the keys as I walk over to Sam and poke him until he wakes up.

He groans and mumbles: “Are we at the hotel?”

I chuckle. “No we’re at my house, c’mon a bed has to be more comfortable than the seat.”

“I dunno, these seats are nice,” He stands up and follows me to the house.

 “There should be enough blankets,” I tell them. “The hall closet has a fuck ton if you get cold.”

Sam thanks me quietly before closing the door and seemingly going straight to sleep. Colby thanked me and took a blanket from the closet. “Are you sure you don’t want your bed?” He asks for the third time.

I shake my head. “Nah man, I usually fall asleep on the couch after investigations anyway.”

“But I feel bad,” He half whines.

“I’ll wake you up if I can’t sleep,” I tell him. “Good night.”

He sighed in amusement and waves slightly. “Goodnight Avery.”

I went to bed that night thinking about how I was going to break the news to Eve that I had a wee itty bitty crush on the guy she’s been dreaming of for months.

That morning I popped a tray of cinnamon rolls in the oven and began moving our camera footage to my laptop.

“G’morning,” An extremely tired voice grumbled.

“Morning,” I chirped to Colby, tapping away with my coffee in hand.

He walked into the kitchen. “Coffee?”

I nodded and pointed to the coffee maker. “There's creamer in the fridge.”

“Mmm,” He sighed, taking a deep sip of his coffee. “Whatcha doing?”

“Sending footage to Eve,” I tell him, using the back of my hand to push up my glasses. “Where are y’all going today?”

He shrugged and sat beside me. “I don’t think either of us want to do much today.”

My alexa starts going off with an alarm and I snatch up a kitchen towel to take out the hot pan. “Do you– shit!” I exclaim, dropping the pan on the countertop and shaking my hand frantically.

“Fuck did you burn yourself?” He asks, walking over to the freezer and walking back with an ice pack.

“Yeah, thanks,” I reply, looking at the angry red spot.

“Lemme see,” He says softly.

Without hesitation, I give him my hand to which he studies the quarter sized burn on my hand. We both go quiet as he cups my hand and squints at the mark. Once I had realized that he was holding the back of my hand oh-so gently, my breath stuttered and my ears burned with a flush.

“Does it still hurt?”

“Little bit,” I say softly. “Not as bad.”

He hums and lets go. “Do you need anything for it?”

“I don’t think so,” I chuckle. “I haven’t gotten burnt in awhile.”

Colby looks at the cinnamon rolls and shoos me back to my seat much to my protests. I watch– still reeling– as he opens a few drawers until he finds the silverware and grabs the knife for the glaze.

“No no,” I bat his hand away from it and drop it in the microwave. “15 seconds.”

“Why?” He asks, baffled.

“My mama always did it this way,” I explained. “I guess it just works better.”

He squints at me. “Are you from the south?”

I flush and laugh. “How did you know?”

“You said ‘mama’ with an accent,” He teases.

I amp up my accent and drawl. “Hey, pretty thang.”

“Pfft-”

“Don’t laugh,” I say through laughter.

“You’re laughing too!” He argues playfully, also laughing.

I trail off into a giggle. “You’re cute,” I commented offhandedly, turning to the microwave and taking out the glaze. 

From behind me, he looks away after a few seconds and clears his throat. “What time is it?” He asks, tapping my phone. “I’m gonna wake up Sam.”

“Okie dokie.”

“What are you doing awake?” I ask Colby at 10pm, feeling like a parent who just caught their child sneaking out of bed.

He shrugs and plops down beside me. “Can’t sleep.”

“Imagine how I feel,” I laugh under my breath. 

“Yeah,” He rubs his face. “We’re investigating a haunted hotel tomorrow and I can’t stop thinking about one of us getting hurt one of these days.”

I hum and nudge his arm with a warm smile. “I get it, I really do, after tonight I did have a serious thought of quitting,” I admit. “But then I thought of all the places I haven’t been to and all of the people who watch me for thrills like that. And it might not be the same for you as it is for me– but that’s what’s been keeping me on this course.”

He stares at me in what I thought was deep thought but instead- “God, you’re amazing.”

I flush furiously and stammer. “What?”

“I mean-”

“Thank you,” I amended quickly. “You’re amazing too.”

“Thank you,” He says quietly.

We sat in silence until I turned to him. “You don’t have a girlfriend right?”

He chokes on air and turns to me. “What?”

I immediately regret asking and backing up quickly. “Uhhhh-”

A gentle hand slides around my cheek and holds my head softly, I stiffen in surprise as I’m turned to look Colby in the eyes. “I don’t,” He answers me in a frail whisper. “Can I kiss you?”

“Yeah,” I whisper back.

The first kiss was feather light on my lips, just a soft brush that had me exhaling slowly and melting into his hand. I moved one of my hands to the one that was cupping my cheek, the other quickly found its place resting on his neck as I leaned forward for another one. The second one was more sure, confident, it brought butterflies into my stomach and shivers up my spine. He sighs happily and uses his other hand to angle my head to where he wanted it to be. I smiled into the kiss and softly twisted my fingers into the curl of his hair on the nape of his neck.

“Wow,” He comments softly as we break apart.

“Yeah,” I echo his surprise. “You’re so pretty,” I murmured, pressing a kiss to his cheek.

He chuckles and rubs my face slowly with his thumb. “You ready for bed?”

I hum and slide off the couch to the pullout loveseat beside it. “C’mere,” I demand softly.

“Okay,” He agrees with zero hesitation.

And we fell asleep like that, not caring that Sam had an alarm set long before either of us were going to wake up. That is until he started sending the photos into the group chat with Eve.

I nibbled on the thumb anxiously and waited. “Hello?” A sleepy voice grumbled into the phone.

“Andee,” I sighed. “I kissed Colby.”

“Pfffft- you what?” She exclaimed, suddenly wide awake.

I groaned and dropped my head into the hand that didn’t have my phone. “Dude, what am I gonna tell Eve?”

“Don’t?” She responded helplessly.

“Can’t, Sam send a photo into our group chat,” I tell her. “She hasn’t said anything.”

Andee was momentarily speechless. “Are you two dating now?”

I sighed. “I don’t know, he just left with Sam for an investigation.”

“If you want to date him I say go for it,” She tells me. “Just because Eve likes him– its a celebrity crush by the way, she’ll live– but if she does care then fuck her.”

“Andee!”

“I’m serious,” She insists. “Dude, I love you both but if Eve is so caught up in her feelings that she can’t be happy for you then just don’t give a shit.”

I listen quietly and stare at my counter. “I really like him,” I say softly. 

“Then date him.”

“Hey how was it?” I ask, stirring a pot of soup.

Sam enters the house and promptly runs to the bathroom making me look at the door for Colby. He strolls in and sets down a duffel bag of equipment on the table.

“It was good,” He shrugs. “Honestly a little bit boring but better than nothing.”

I shrug. “Could have been worse.”

“Mhm,” He walks over to me and peeks over my shoulder. “Broccoli cheddar?”

My cheeks burn as he rests his head on my shoulder. “Yup.”

“Yum,” He said lowly, still staying in the same spot.

We stand silently until I ask a question. “What is this?”

“What’s what?” He looks around looking for the product of my inquiry.

I turn to him and gesture between us. “This.”

“What do you want it to be?” He asks.

“I-I don’t do flings,” I say carefully.

“Neither do it.”

“I like you a lot.”

“So do I.”

We both stay silent.

“I want to be your boyfriend,” He says simply, playing with my fingers at our side. “I know I have a lot of wild fans, and that we’ve both got a lot of shit going on all the time. But I really like you and I think this could work.”

I watch his eyes shift over my face as they search for a reaction. I smile. “Okay,” I whisper.

“Okay,” He agrees. “Can I-”

I curl my fingers into the front of his shirt and yank him towards my lips into a kiss.

“Hey, what are we doing for- Holy shit,” Sam deadpanned from the hallway, we broke apart and I peek over Colby’s shoulder. “In the kitchen, seriously?”

“It’s my house, I can kiss my boyfriend wherever I want,” I joke with a silly voice. 

Sam sits at the counter and plugs his camera into his laptop. “Finally, you two have been flirting in the group chat for months.”

“Hardy har,” I laugh. “Dinner’s ready.”

Colby and Sam walk to the stove to make bowls while I grab my phone from off its charger.

Evie Jelly Beanie: hey I saw the picture and Andee told me you were worried about me being upset and I just wanted you to know that no matter what you and him decide I’m totally chill with it I’m your sister not your mom I don't care who you date

Me: omg lol tysm we legit js made it official

Evie Jelly Beanie: yw ave be happy with ur bf

That night I tell Colby about Eve’s little crush on him. “But this was all before we had more than like 10,000 subscribers,” I assure. “She doesn’t care anymore.”

He chuckles and kisses the back of my hand. “That’s good, the next investigation we do together would have been real awkward if she did.”

I laughed and curled into his side. “Shit, Colby, to think this all happened because we were both in the same place at the same time. What are the odds?”

hey its me your friendly neighborhood fanfiction writer i dont be a ton of sam and colby fics so i dont do a taglist but I fs take requests plus check out my masterlist for more tell me what you thought!

[stardusthuntress]

Triggered

TBB x female!reader (pronouns only) 

Word Count: ~3.5k 

Summary: Tech accidentally triggers your body dysmorphia. The Bad Batch team up to prove to you that they all love you dearly. Angsty comfort fic. 

TW: This actively talks about body dysmorphia. Tried not to be too specific so it would be more generic and just comforting, but it does start with a kinda mean comment from Tech, he means well tho. No smut or nothing, but since it is potentially triggering for those with body dysmorphia, I am gonna label this as 18+. 

A/N: Just felt like this needed to be written. Based on my own personal struggles, but also inspired by a conversation with someone on here who might also struggle with this. Hope this helps at least one person out there. 

hyperspace dividers my own, tbb dividers by @/djarrex

Sitting in the cockpit, working on a project, Tech continues what is, to him, a normal conversation with the woman sitting next to him. 

“I have noticed you are shaped differently than most women.” 

He turns towards the copilot seat where she was sitting to find the seat spinning and vacant. He turns towards the door, only to see her exiting the ship. 

Echo appears in the doorway, a flash of anger on his face. “What did you do? Why was she so unhappy?” 

“I did not do anything,” Tech blinks at him in confusion. 

Hunter appears next to Echo. “He told her she’s ‘shaped differently than other women’.” Of course he heard the whole thing from the other end of the ship, but Tech notices his tone implies that he, Tech, should not have said that. 

“To us, ‘different’ is a positive character trait. Why did she leave the ship?” Tech asks, perplexed. 

Echo sighs searching for words, but it’s Crosshair who answers, “to nat borns, being too different is bad,” is all he says. 

Echo scratches the back of his neck and explains, “Most of them don’t like that ‘different’ is negative, but it takes a lot more work than you think to get rid of an idea that is so deeply ingrained in a culture.” He looks at Hunter and glances towards the open ship door. 

Hunter returns the look and nods towards the door, “Go talk to her, we got him,” He gestures at Tech. 

Tech blinks at them confused as Echo jogs out of the ship after her. Tech looks at Hunter then Wrecker, awaiting the usual explanation that followed his lack of emotional intellect. But they both seemed hesitant to start. 

Over the comms they could hear Crosshair’s voice telling Echo where to find her. Cross was in his favorite quiet place, sitting atop the ship watching their comings and goings like a vulture. 

Echo finds her hugging one knee and staring off into the distance atop a rock, overlooking the ocean. 

“He didn’t mean—“ 

“—I know” she cuts him off. “But that doesn't mean I can always control how I react to it. I don’t want to feel this way, but my experience has taught my subconscious to react like this. I wish I could make it stop too, but that takes a lot of practice and a ridiculous amount of time. I’ll get there eventually,” she sighs. 

He scoots next to her on the rock and just watches her. She glances at him, wishing he wouldn’t, starting to feel nervous about the way he’s looking at her, turning away to hide her face. That is, until he starts to talk again. 

“Has anyone ever told you how beautiful your eyes look when you’re lost in thought?” 

She huffs out a small laugh. “Even when they’re starting to get puffy and red?” 

“Yes,” the confidence in his voice is unmistakable. “Has anyone ever told you that?” 

“Not that meant it,” she mumbles into her knee. 

He pulls her into a tight hug, and they sit there in silence for a while. 

Echo’s not sure what to say exactly, all he knows is that there’s a lot more that has to be said before either of them are willing to return to the ship. 

Echo pauses briefly as he passes her sleeping form curled in a chair. 

Tech watches as Echo’s expression softens, and he just looks at her for a moment. Tech tilts his head to one side, like a tooka trying to see if the world makes more sense from a different angle (Tech finds it amusing to take these things literally and figuratively). As he watches, Echo leans down and presses a gentle kiss to the top of her head, and whispers something in her ear. She stirs slightly but doesn't wake. Echo stays put, brushing a hair out of her face, tucking it behind her ear and petting her head until he’s sure she’s back out. 

Tech feels a pang as he watches. Then his vitals monitor beeps at him. He looks down at his datapad, eyes scanning quickly, looking for the results from the algorithm he wrote to help him connect the way his body reacts to the emotions he struggles with. Sure enough, at the bottom of the screen, his “most likely emotion” algorithm flashes a single word at him: Jealousy. 

When she’s settled back down, Echo continues walking to the cockpit doorway where Tech stands. 

Echo, “I think we got lucky she was willing to come back onto the ship.” 

“She’s not really back,” Crosshair’s voice snakes it ways into their minds, voicing the one thing they’re all worried about and prompting them all to look at her, curled into a tight ball, her head slipping onto her knees. 

“She is sad,” Tech analyses. “I did not realize what I said would affect her this much, nor this negatively.” 

“I think it brought up old stuff for her. She’s kinda like you, Tech. She needs evidence in order to believe something is true,” Echo notes. 

“You are suggesting that I have to prove to her that being different is a good thing?” Tech asks. “I have ample evidence that she already knows that, but I do not understand why she did not take my statement in that way.”  

Again, Echo sighs, “When I went after her, she told me… she’s spent most of her life just wanting to be as normal, as pretty, as the other girls, and all she ever got was a lifetime of evidence proving that she wasn’t.” Echo’s voice was quiet. He didn’t like saying it any more than they liked hearing it. 

There’s silence as they all take this in. Crosshair had joined them, leaning in the doorway, still watching her sleeping form as they talked. 

“But,” Tech is confused, he has a datapad full of evidence to the contrary, “we all react to her in ways that show how we feel about her. Do you mean to say she is incapable of seeing that?” 

Echo chuckles darkly, gaze drifting to the floor as he scratches the back of his neck. He wouldn’t have put it quite so bluntly. He searches for a nicer way to explain it to Tech’s analytical mind. 

“Yes,” Crosshair got tired of waiting for someone else to answer, “Nat born women are conditioned to doubt.” 

Tech opens his mouth to protest, he wants to know what she is doubting, specifically. 

But Echo starts talking first, “Nat borns don’t get a choice in the cultural conditioning that plagues them any more than we get a say in how the Kaminoans’ conditioned us. It’s up to us to prove to her that she just isn’t seeing the full picture.” 

Tech blinks at the two of them, hoping someone will explain exactly how to do so and what exactly she is conditioned to think, but they don’t. To their surprise, Wrecker, who had been napping in the cockpit, is the one who answers. 

“Don’t hide anythin’.” His voice is surprisingly quiet, his expression soft. They don’t often get a chance to see Wrecker this gentle. 

They all look to Echo, he has more experience with women than any of them (except maybe Cross, but it’s not like he’s going to explain it to them unless he is forced to), not to mention more experience with the emotions of their brothers and the trauma of his own. Echo nods in agreement, “every glance, every time you want to brush her hair out of her face, or pull her into a hug just to feel her close to you. Don’t hold back. She needs to see it. But for now let’s let her sleep. Hopefully that will help a little.” 

Tech finally gets a chance to talk to her the next morning. He had been hoping a fresh day would wash it all away, but it looks like today might be harder than he anticipated. She’s just laying in her bunk, curled into a tight ball on her side, hugging a pillow to her chest, staring off into the distance, a lost expression on her face. As he sits down on the bed by her feet she hides her face behind the pillow. 

“I only meant……….” He sighs “To us, being different is good. I didn’t know nat borns don’t see it that way. I apologize.”

It’s quiet for a few minutes. 

“I have never experienced sexual attraction to a being until I met you.” 

She is still quiet. 

He’s racking his brain for some way to comfort her. He’s no good at this part, usually emotional reactions were Wrecker’s department. So what would Wrecker do? His mind travels back to when they were cadets and he had yet to get his emotions under control. There were more than a few nights when he cried himself to sleep on Wrecker’s shoulder. Wrecker used to rub his back and tell him he’d never let the Kaminoan’s hurt Tech. Unfortunately, the damage had already been done, so telling her he wouldn’t let anyone hurt her wasn’t an option. He felt like he already had. 

Touch! That was it! She usually responded well to the everyday touches from Wrecker, Hunter, and Echo. So he reaches out and gently places a hand on her knee. She’s wearing sleep shorts, and had tossed the covers off, so Tech’s hand sits directly on her skin. He didn’t usually go for touches like this, because he didn’t understand them, but this one felt like the right thing to do, so he went with it, starting to rub, slowly, up and down on her calf. She didn’t react, but she also didn’t push his hand away. 

“Is this okay?” He asks, tentatively. 

“Yeah,” she mumbles into the pillow. 

He sighs and slumps a bit as he relaxes a little. 

They sit there in silence for a few moments, just his hand running up and down her leg. 

Tech sits up a little straighter, a look of eureka on his face. 

“I can prove it,” he offers. 

Finally, she begins to peek out from behind the pillow, and he knows this crease on her brow is curiosity. 

“I can prove that I find you sexually attractive.” He clarifies. She just looks at him, curiosity piqued, though not like he’s used to seeing when she’s found something she’s excited to learn more about. Those are his favorite moments with her. When she’s excited to learn something new, and they can talk about the possibilities and implications that has on their day to day life, rapid fire. Learning more about the universe together. He vows to find a way to bring those moments back as soon as possible. They both need it. 

He pulls his datapad out and brings up some data. “This data shows my vitals from the moment we met, overlaid on the footage I was recording so you can see the implications of visual stimulation on my vitals.” He sends it to her. 

Her datapad lights up, it sits next to her head beneath the pillow that still hides him from view. Tech can see the light from under the pillow and watches as the pillow shifts a bit as she picks it up and looks at it. 

After a while the pillow shifts again and the light goes away as she puts the datapad back down. She peers at him over the top of the pillow. She doesn’t have words to say anything. He takes that as a sign that he’s the only one who needs to keep talking right now. 

“It took me a while to figure out what I was feeling. You know that I do feel emotions, but I struggle to understand them. But I compared it to the data I have of how my brother’s reacted to you and asked them about what they were feeling and how they could tell. I discovered that we have all become rather smitten with you, myself included.” 

“That’s bound to happen considering I’m the only woman you’ve been around for months, and probably the only one you’ve been around for an extended period as grown men,” she mumbles. 

“But that would take several months to begin to show an effect, yes?” 

“Yeah…?” 

“I can prove that our feelings began during our first mission with you. I can pinpoint the exact moment for most of us. I am always monitoring our vitals, so any spike in heart rate, or hormone levels I have recorded.” 

He sends her his documentation, where he was attempting to understand what they were feeling. Complete with notes about ‘Echo explained that this is common during human attraction’ and ‘Hunter tells me this is a normal reaction to seeing a beautiful woman’ and even ‘Crosshair has indicated that I should talk to her about this’. 

“You now have access to the file so whenever it is updated, you will be notified. I tend to update that one quite often. I hope this is a sufficient way to apologize. I am not sure how else to do so.” 

“I’m sorry, Tech,” her voice is timid and quiet. 

“Why are you apologizing?” Tech asks, nose scrunched, he does not understand. 

“I’m sorry I walked out on you without saying anything.” 

“I have come to the realization that when topics may be triggering, it is often easier to simply leave the room. I surmise that is why you left?” 

“Yes.” 

He didn’t want to force her to tell him more, so he just stayed quiet, hoping she might volunteer more information if she felt comfortable doing so. 

“I never wanted to be this different,” is all she says. 

“I like your ‘different’,” Tech volunteers. 

“Is that you talking, or your brothers? What did they tell you to say to me? How much pity did they recommend you bring to the table?” Her tone of voice suggests she is getting mad again. 

Tech’s eyes widen and he shakes his head rapidly. “No! Echo said to never pity someone. He said pity only hurts people. He made us all swear never to pity you for anything. I did not mean to imply that. I like your different, I mean that.” 

“Sorry,” she whispers, sinking into the pillows again. 

Again his mind reaches for something to help comfort her. He doesn’t like how she seems to be conditioned to apologize so often for things that are his mistake and not hers. Again, touch finds its way to the forefront of his mind. So he reaches out physically this time, for the hand resting on top of the pillow she still clutches. 

His hand gently slides underneath her own, threading his fingers through hers. He’s struck with the urge to kiss her hand. He’s not sure why. He’s never felt this before. He tries to hold back. 

Until Echo and Wrecker’s words surface amidst the confusion in his mind again, ‘don’t hold back’… ‘don’t hold back’… ‘don’t hold back’… 

So he stops trying to hold back and lets go, and leaning forward, lifting her hand slightly, to press a soft kiss to the back of her hand. He doesn’t mean to let it linger, but he’s never felt this way before and he wants to remember it forever. 

She looks at him with surprise. And then smiles a little. His heart skips a beat. Again, his vitals chart blinks at him, drawing his attention from her eyes. He laughs softly when he sees the new “most likely emotion” blinking at the bottom of the screen, so he shows it to her. 

‘Adoration’, the blinking word reads. This time the smile doesn’t leave her face. It still hasn’t quite reached her eyes, but it’s starting to get there. As she stares in disbelief at the word on his screen, a new message from Echo pops up at the top of the screen. 

Tech feels it buzz, but doesn’t take the datapad back, knowing now how important that one word is to her. 

Her brow scrunches when her gaze drifts to the message from Echo. 

She raises a finger to tap on it, but stops, realizing it’s not her datapad. 

“You may open it, if you wish,” Tech offers. “I wish to show you I trust you.” 

She smiles, the turbulence inside her beginning to settle again as she taps on the message from Echo. 

As the message opens, she begins to shift. Moving the pillow around so she can sit up. As she settles, her hip presses into his own. He does not protest. He likes this touch. He moves to hold the datapad between them so they can both see it. It’s a photo of a beautiful waterfall sent to the group chat with the caption, “you guys would love this place”. He and Hunter were out scouting the camp site while they await their next set of orders. 

From the increase in noise just outside the ship it seems that Wrecker is excited to go exploring. 

“Would you like to go on a walk?” Tech asks. 

She nods, squeezing his arm to her side briefly, whispering a quick “thank you” into his ear. He looks up at her happily as she stands up, letting his gaze linger on her as she bounces to find some civilian clothes to change into. She spots his look and pauses for a moment, confusion on her face. 

“I like your happy, too,” he tells her. “You know we pride ourselves on being different. It was meant to be a compliment. I did not understand how sentient beings could be considered attractive until you joined us.” 

She smiles at the floor, tucking her hair behind her ear. 

“I like your shy, as well,” he adds. 

She giggles. 

…‘Don’t hold back’… he’s learning what that means. And this time he wants to hug her. So he stands up and opens his arms to her, a question on his brow. 

She beams and throws herself into his arms. He wasn’t quite prepared for her enthusiasm. It sends them both back a few steps, until his legs hit the bunk and his hand reaches for the one above to stabilize them. 

Today might be okay after all. 

When the two of them arrive outside they find the commotion was Wrecker putting together a picnic. Crosshair pretends he didn’t help. They all know he did, but they let him think they believe him. Donning the packs Wrecker holds out, the four of them hike their way out to the coordinates Hunter sent them. 

After they’ve eaten, as they are enjoying the sunlight and time off, Crosshair stops her for a moment, tilting her chin up to look deep into her eyes. Where confusion paints hers, his show only confidence and lustful smirk. In a split second the moment is over, he places a kiss on her forehead and walks away like nothing happened. His brothers pretend they didn’t see. Moments later, her datapad lights up with an update from a document of Tech’s. It’s the document he sent her earlier, the one filled with all his evidence that they all adore her. The newest entry is a snippet of a video of her and Crosshair from just a moment ago. She glances at Tech and nods a shy ‘thank you’. 

That evening, Tech exits the cockpit to find her laying with her head in Echo’s lap as he pets her hair and they both study their datapads. Again, Tech feels a pang of jealousy, and it is once again confirmed by the flashing word at the bottom of his screen. 

He sits down by her feet, pretending to be enraptured by something on his datapad too. She looks over at him and smiles, he returns his signature half smile, with half lidded eyes. 

Hesitantly, she stretches out a foot and places it in his lap, biting her lip as she looks at him to ask if this is okay. 

Tech holds her gaze and places his hand on her leg, stroking it just like he did before in answer to her question, and letting the hand holding his datapad rest on her ankle. Tech has never been so intimately close to a woman’s ankle before. He’s seen her’s plenty of times, she likes wearing shorter things that let her ankles breathe from time to time, but he’s never had a chance to really memorize every curve of them before, no matter how archaic a fascination with ankles may seem, it’s new to him, and he enjoys it. 

Echo glances over, to exchange ‘told you so’ looks with Tech, but Tech is still looking at her, fascinated by the studious look on her face as she goes back to reading something on her datapad, still biting her lip as her mind returns to her work. 

Instead Echo exchanges one with Hunter, who has just entered the ship, brushing rain from his ruggishly handsome locks. 

Hunter stands in the doorway for a moment, before stepping forward and placing a kiss to her shoulder, then heading to the fresher to find a towel for his hair. 

In Echo’s lap, he can feel her cheeks warming as she tries to suppress a small smile. This is new to her too, but who would say no to 5 sweet, handsome men doting on them? 

Please don’t steal my work! I pour my heart into these so if you like it please reblog to share instead of reposting it!

[adiluv-moved]

❥ PHOTOGRAPHER + SLEEP HCS ꒰MINI꒱. ˚⊹꒷

🌷୧・꒰word count꒱ 710.

💮୧・꒰warnings꒱ none!

🌸୧・꒰adi moment꒱ i initially drafted this when i was about to pass out, and i figured that i might as well turn it into a post since i'd wanted to put something up today. very happy about men with long nails! hope you enjoy! ꒰*ˊᗜˋ꒱ ♡

꒰⚔️꒱・First thing first, Joseph is both a late sleeper and a late riser. Sure, his title may not hold any real weight within the confines of Oletus Manor, but he’s quite literally an aristocrat—he needs his beauty sleep! The hecticness of the manor occasionally has him playing in matches for a majority of the day, oftentimes returning with pockets worth of photos that need to be developed. This process takes him well into the night, and it certainly doesn’t help that most of the photos are of random parts of the maps that he plays in—considering that he tends to use whatever camera is closest to him in order to save time. All things considered, don’t be too surprised when you suddenly feel an extra weight sliding beneath your covers at some ungodly hour. He does his best to be quiet, at least.

꒰⚔️꒱・Despite his own questionable habits, Joseph will absolutely get on your back if you have a bad sleep schedule—using your eyebags ꒰assuming you have them꒱ as a form of evidence… despite the small ones that have formed beneath his own eyes. Should you attempt to bring up this fact at all, he’ll simply counter by mentioning that this ‘intervention’ is meant to be about you, not him. After all, while a lack of sleep has a terrible impact on your health, it also puts you at a heavy disadvantage during your own matches. He loves you, and he realizes that the steaks are oftentimes higher for survivors than they are for his fellow hunters—so why should you risk making a bad call, getting yourself hurt, or even losing the match when you could just..! Go. To. Bed! 

꒰⚔️꒱・Attempting to use early matches as an excuse for your sleep deprivation would have him to writing to Miss Nightingale in an attempt to get her to move your matches to the afternoon. He, alongside some other hunters, have had the same arrangement made for them—he doesn’t see why she couldn’t make an exception for you, as well. As he continuously attempts to reiterate to you—the proper amount of sleep is crucial ꒰plus some extra, in your case, due to your sleep debt꒱—even while stuck in the manor. And assuming that Nightingale caves, you’ll lose your excuse to leave his embrace so early in the morning.

꒰⚔️꒱・If he enters your bedroom after developing a day’s worth of photos to find you still awake—he will lure you away from whatever it is that you’re working on. Whether that be with the temptations of cuddles, kisses, or perhaps a massage to your scalp, Joseph has quite the knack of luring you away from your desk. However, if all else fails, he’ll simply end up dragging  your chair over to the bed and pulling  you beneath the covers. You’d called his bluff when he’d first threatened you with the concept, and the completely deadpan expression on his face as he actually did it was a bit hilarious. Or, at least it was to you, in your exhausted state. 

꒰⚔️꒱・Speaking of scalp massages, Joseph makes very good use of his long nails whenever he gives them. If you tie your hair tightly, or if you’re prone to headaches and migraines, he’ll often attempt to soothe the discomfort by pulling you onto his lap and weaving his fingers through your hair. He makes the same offer if he notices that you’re having trouble falling asleep, the gesture being calming enough to allow the Sandman to whisk you away and to your dreams. He thinks you look absolutely adorable whenever you drift off like that, and he’ll often take photos of you to keep with his room.

꒰⚔️꒱・His hair is incredibly soft, and he usually prefers to sleep with it down. Combined with his love of cuddling and sleeping as close to you as possible, there have been multiple instances where you’ve woken up during the night to find some of it in your face and mouth. He’s quite appreciative if you ever offer to reciprocate his own massages, as getting hit on the head with palettes does tend to hurt him quite a bit. Sometimes, you’ll tie your hair with his ribbon while giving one to him. He’ll... also be needing a photo of that.

i have a taglist, which you can sign up for here!

[creepy-friday]

Hi!!! I saw your fem! Proxy post and I was wondering if you could write a NSFW scenario/oneshot with a fem! Proxy with Hoodie? It just really got me thinking and the way you write the characters really intrigues me!

If not it's completely ok!!! I don't know if your requests are open or if you write NSFW but if you don't then feel free to ignore this!

The only specific thing I ask is if Y/N was a bit in the sweeter and innocent side when it comes to her personality, since i think the contrast between her human and naive natures contrasts with Hoodie's perveted one is really interesting, that's the only thing really.

I love your writing and hcs and remember that you don't have to write this if you don't want to!!

💗💗💗

Hii!! Thank you so much! I'm glad you enjoyed it! 💞 💞💞

NSFW|Hoodie x Female Proxy|

Warnings: heavy NSFW,hair pulling,orgasm denial,violence,blood and abuse mentions

Two years.It took you two years of working under a faceless creature to finally give in the loneliness almost every creep of the mansion drowned into

It was noticed by Brian who waited patiently for you to say the word that would bring the nights he spent jerking himself off to you to reality

On the occasions you were free to wander around, Brian followed you a couple of times. At first it was just his job,to make sure you aren't plotting to escape and to report to Slenderman if you would be on the run

To be honest he wouldn't have rat you out even if you thought you could escape the forest,but he would've blackmail you into various "services" to keep quiet. He isn't the most innocent after years of having blood on his hands

Missions with you along with Masky and Hoodie were going two ways. It was either Maksy smashing someone's brain across the room while you're distracted or having you knock out someone while the white masked man bitches about it.

It was funny to him,really,altough the hood's expression captures sadness he's finding himself smirking to how much you try to leave a scene with the least amount of blood possible

It was a dirty thought,but he was getting hard of the amount of fear or disgust your face portrayed whenever his teammate did something grotesque

He noticed how you reacted to the cruel things he did as well

Sometimes he wonderes if you would have the same expression if he would put a pistol to your head while pounding into you,or if the sweet girl he thinks you are would enjoy it

Of course he never tried to make a move on you or to harass you like Masky did.He was simply waiting for an opportunity to fuck you,one like today

There were feelings he wasn't aware of,but he never gave them much thought because a relationship between the two of you would be candalous

The dynamic among the proxies would be destroyed,but he wouldn't mind to be honest,the word "shame" is out of his vocabulary after all the time spent here

Today was one of the days you had a breakdown and needed to be out for a while,deep in the forest to the usual spot

"You keep on coming here." he approached you with slow steps,leaning on a tree while pulling his hood upwards.There was clear tension between the two of you from the mission last night

"Oh,yeah.. " you simply responded while rubbing your hands together.

"It was a nice thing." he mentioned from last night,when you soothed Toby who was on the verge of exploding into another violent outburst to Masky's constant bullying towards him.

You gave him a nod while playing with the crushed leaves on the ground

"I know how it was at first,in these woods." Brian stated while taking a few more steps towards you."You don't have to hide there.Confess to me." he demanded."Why you do it?"

You looked at him with a puzzled expression,deep bags under your eyes from the lack of sleep due to the stress from all the worked days

"I don't know." and you told him the truth,but to be honest,at this point you were exhausted.You kept on thinking about your life..before you ended up here.

The loneliness combined with the way of how hot his body felt right next to you made you make the first move to finally give Brian the start he longed for.

You looked up to him and he leaned in.You kissed him and he followed by with a deeper passionate approach while his hands traveled from your waist to your ass and finally to your pants

As you tried to get some air as well as some distance you gently pushed him by the chest. "We shouldn't do this."

"Why not?"

"I...I don't.." it felt guilty to be out with your teammate like this.It felt like a betrayal of some sort for some reason.

"You don't what?" he smirked while closing the distance yet again "you're a virgin? That's alright,I won't bite." Brian whispered while giving wet kisses to the crook of your neck "or maybe you aren't into this kind of stuff?"

His right hand traveled to your clothed sex after giving your ass a rough squeeze.He continued to rub your cunt while his left hand went up your shirt,pulling it upwards with your bra

The way your legs opened up,giving room for his hand to toy with your covered heat and the way his tongue circled your nipple made you moan in response

After giving your puffy nipples a final squeeze he grabbed you by the back of your neck and throwed you face down on the log he was previously sitting on making you yelp in surprise

Hoodie moved his hand from your neck to your hair,grabbing a fistful of it while undoing his pants and pushing your legs apart for more room

"You're not saying anything,huh?Use your voice for a bit',I might do it more often" he whispered as he lowered his body onto you

"I..I don't know what to-" you were interrupted by the cold wind biting at your skin as he pulled your pants to your ankles in a rush

"That's okay.I'll fuck the words out of you." he whispered as he plunged two fingers into your wet hole

He kept on hurrying the pace as you were driven closer and closer to the edge then suddenly went slower

"Please don't stop" you begged for him,your mind long gone into a hazy cloud as he gently lifted your head by the hair

He entered in without much effort as you arched your back followed by his grunts

He continued to slowly trace circles on your clit,patiently waiting for you to ask for more

A few squirms and your body was rocking against his hand,the nonverbal response made the intention clear and he followed suit

The sound of flesh on flesh combined with the muffled moans were enough to make your face red,further hurting your cheek in the rough surface of the log he previously sat on

"Are you disgusted with yourself?" he smirked while continuing to pound into you "of being with someone like me?" getting closer to your face he jerked your head upwards and licked your cheek "maybe you're getting off of that"

Making the pace slower again he hissed "respond."

"N-No!I'm not!"

"Atta girl"

The whole situation driven you drunk with lust as you tightened around him

After a minute of heavy breathing you both regained yourselves from the high.As Brian caressed your hair a wet pop was heard before as he stood up straight to adjust his clothes back on. "You alright?"

"Y-yeah.." you breathed out while hurrying to pull your pants back on,still shaken from the whole experience.

"Want some help with that?" you immediately responded with a quiet "no"  while ignoring any sort of eye contact with him.

"Aight'" Brian smiled to himself as he sat down on the same log,still watching you take deep breaths in and out while leaning on the tree next to him.

The faint sound of a click was heard as he lightened up a cigarette. "Take a break." Brian whispered with a different tone now,the teasing and mischievous one being long gone at this point. "You'll need it for tomorrow."

You finally looked in his direction, eyes fixated on yours as a soft smile appeared on his face

"Maybe you'll get lonely again.I'll be there"

[madara-fate]

You know I have to realise that one of the reasons why SasuSaku's dynamic is interpreted wrong is not only because of the unnecessary Sakura hate but also the lack of understanding for Sasuke's character, more specifically, his love language. It's easier to understand that Sakura cared for Sasuke, she's extremely expressive of her emotions. But with Sasuke, it's a different story. He's not good at expressing his emotions or verbalising them (which is understandable bc of his trauma), his love language is primarily ‘acts of service’. For example, what Sasuke SAID was Naruto is a ‘loser’ and ‘scaredy cat’ but what he DID was immediately risking his life when Haku was about to attack Naruto. think this is something which fans tend to forget about him often. He's a VERY show-dont-tell person. Sakura, in contrast, is good at expressing her feelings. Her love language also includes physical touch and words of affirmation. She can easily tell Sasuke she's in love with him or hug her when he wakes up from a coma. Which is probs majorly why so many fans feel their relationship is ‘one sided’ because of the clear difference between their love language.

I think THIS is exactly one of the main reasons why I saw SS becoming endgame. While Sasuke isn't fond of physical touch, he felt comfortable enough with Sakura to calm down at her touch, let her hug him, carve for her hand in the FOD, hold her, poke her forehead etc. Similarly, he's not the best at verbalising his feelings in words but he tried, again, the thank yous, the apology, cheering her up before the exam. This is something he doesn't do with anyone else. While I am sure Sasuke fell in love with her only after ch. 699, it's pretty clear he had a soft spot for her before leaving the village, which was evident from the way he had been with her, (which eventually turned into love after his redemption journey).

Yeah I agree, Sasuke's definitely the most misunderstood character in the story, and even in the few instances when he does actually verbalise his affection, they're always just glossed over by the fans. The amount of times that I've heard people say...

That he hates Sakura (despite never saying or implying that).

That he doesn't give a damn about her (despite indicating that she is one of his most precious people on multiple occasions).

That he constantly insulted her (despite never insulting her once).

That he was forced and guilt tripped into being in a relationship with her (as if anyone could ever force him to do something that he doesn't want to do).

That he allows himself to be in a loveless marriage (despite how canonically important love is to the Uchiha).

I honestly just don't think he was that difficult to read, especially when you give the Curse of Hatred the significance that it deserves.

While I am sure Sasuke fell in love with her only after ch. 699, it's pretty clear he had a soft spot for her before leaving the village

💯

Yep, Sasuke wasn't in love with Sakura during the main story, nor did he need to be, but the fact that he nonetheless held her (and Naruto) very close to his heart is undeniable.

He described her as a dear comrade.

He was ready to risk his life fending off Gaara so that Naruto could get her to safety.

He thought of her and Naruto when Kakashi referenced his precious companions.

He was reminded of her and the rest of Team 7 when Taka were sacrificing themselves for his sake.

He revealed how he saw the shadow of his family within her and the rest of Team 7. And when considering just how precious Sasuke's family was to him, those are big words indeed.

Your point about how he only tends to show direct verbal affection towards Sakura is also a significant one. One could say how he also apologised to Karin, but the difference between them is very clear.