#i know they didn't mean half of it to be so relevant it just was

[lucreziaces]

thinking about the dark side of cesare fanning the flames-- or at the very least just not doing anything to stop them-- of the unholy love/desire he and lucrezia felt for each other when he just playfully chased her around the garden after discovering she was watching him fuck another woman, or when he planted the idea that he'd be the only one to care for her heart, or when he implied the love between them was comparable to the love of God, calling it "as all-consuming and pure as the love of God"....an idea she later reflects in season 3 when she says "one touch of your hand and God comes rushing back" (also in the same scene "whatever it is, it overwhelms".) like, yes, okay I do believe lucrezia is probably the one that shifted their relationship into sexual terrority (not on purpose though!!), but cesare is older by a few years. he would've understood it to be wrong before she did, and he could've sat her down at any point in season 1 or 2 and told her "hey, this isn't how brothers and sisters are supposed to feel about each other. we can't lean into whatever this is, okay?" and then made an actual effort to let her go instead of just half-assing it before then immediately beginning the build up of the already thick sexual tension between them until it was unbearable and she was left thinking her husband didn't care about her because he wouldn't sleep with her, so she climbed into cesare's bed and convinced him they should just get it on because no one else could understand them and people already it whisper about them anyway, so "why deny ourselves the pleasure?" very sick and twisted of him. I kinda hate him for it actually. because if he hadn't gone and created this "ideal lover" in lucrezia's head that only he could fit the mold of, she might've found actual happiness with someone else!! 😡 😡

[reiderwriter]

Isn't She Pretty, Daddy?

Pairing: Spencer Reid x Teacher f!Reader

Summary: You're a little bit worried about one of your brightest students recently, so you call her Dad to come in for a meeting. Her absolutely adorable - and single - Dad.

Warnings: the birds and the bees as explained by a kindergardener. Some angst about being a single parent.

A/N: Here's another entry for @imagining-in-the-margins Kid Fic Challenge! Dad Spencer has my heart, and I've been in a really fluff forward mood this weekend, evidently! I think I have one more Kid Fic left to go before the end of the challenge, but we'll see what the will of the fanfiction gods is...

Masterlist

If you were to be asked what the hardest part of being a teacher was, you would, without question or even a second to think, have an answer. Parents. The worst part of teaching is talking to parents. 

Little kids were easy to talk to. They asked questions if they didn't understand things clearly, and they didn't typically say things they didn't mean. Adults were the opposite, and it just so happened that all of your kids' parents were adults. 

Including your most recent problem  child. 

You were used to the kids in your class having some behavior issues - for one, they were kids, it was to be expected that their little bodies couldn't quite handle all of the emotions they were feeling at once. But you were doubly struck by your school area being close to Quantico, meaning half the kids in your care had families with law enforcement backgrounds. 

Absent parents plus growing bodies plus normal kid stress equalled attachment issues, and your problem child Harper Reid was one of your more worrying cases. 

You really hoped everything was okay in the Reid household, so you'd called the little girls parents. She was lovely - honest to god - one of the sweetest little kids you'd ever met. 

Every day she came to school with some older kids and their mom, carpooling on the way in, so you had yet to meet her parents, but you thought that anyone who could produce something that sweet and cute and brilliant couldn't possibly be a bad person. 

You didn't know what to expect, so when her little pigtails peaked around the corner and she came running in, you were momentarily filled with anxiety. 

“MOMMY!” The little girl yelled, launching herself into your arms as soon as she spotted you behind your desk. 

“Hi, Harper! Hi, you must be, Mr. Reid-”

“Doctor, actually, um, but that doesn't really matter. I'm so sorry about this, Harper doesn't usually tackle people.” 

The 3ft tall ball of energy had managed to crawl into your lap and wrap her arms around your neck, so you had to pick her up when you stood to greet her dad. 

“Will your wife be joining us for the meeting today?” You asked, already used to Harper's hugs and general closeness. 

“Oh, no. No, she's not coming. She, uh, doesn't exist. Single father.” 

“Oh my god, I'm sorry, I didn't mean to assume, it's just not on my files-” 

“It's okay, it's a …bit complicated.” 

You took your seat at the desk and gestured to the man to do the same. Finally, looking at him for the first time now that some of your anxiety had died down, you couldn't help but think that Doctor Reid was incredibly attractive. It wasn't one part of his face that stuck out to you as being particularly pretty, just the entire ensemble of it together that took your breath away. Either that of Harper was gripping you so tight she was restricting your ability to breathe, and considering a five year old is not a boa constrictor, this was all dad's fault. 

“So, you said on the phone Harper's been having some problems at school?” 

You snapped your attention back to the issue at hand, searching for the relevant files and pictures you wanted to show the man. Harper turned herself around in your lap and looped her arms around your arm, pulling it in close to use as a pillow. 

“Isn't Miss Y/N so pretty, Daddy?” You froze and flushed in an instant, suddenly so aware of the man's eyes on you. You weren't sure if you were thankful or even more embarrassed that Harper's dad seemed to be even more flushed than you. 

“Daddy? Isn't she pretty?” Harper insisted, and you realized that you both weren't going to get out of this without him answering. 

“Yes, angel. Miss Y/N is very pretty.” The little girl smiled in triumph and nuzzled into your arm even more, happily curled up into your lap like a cat. 

“Hey, Harper. We got a new puzzle delivered yesterday. It's got My Melody and Cinnamaroll on it. They're your favorites, right?” 

The little girl nodded in glee, eyes shining as she hung on your every word. 

“How about you go over to the play area and get it started, and then me and your daddy will come over and help you finish it?” 

In a flash, she'd hopped up out of your lap and wriggled away, shouting a quick “You promised, right?” behind her as she went. 

“I'm so sorry about that, I don't know what's gotten into her, she's usually very shy and-”

“Doctor Reid, it's fine. That's just why I called you in today. Teachers and parents are a team, right, we work together to make sure the kids grow up well, you don't need to apologize to me for that.” 

The man seemed to take a deep breath and nod, to regain his wits about him for a second. 

“Is she… this attached in her regular classes?” 

“Well honestly, she was a bit like that at the beginning of the semester, but she grew out of it after a while. In the last week or so, she fell back into it, and now she's calling me ‘Mommy,’ too. I was wondering if anything happened recently at home that could've led her in this direction, or…”

The man looked a little bashful, but there was a twinge of sadness in his expression that you recognised all too well. 

“Harper, uh, doesn't have a Mom. I adopted her, and it's a long story, but... She's been asking me to get her one recently, because she doesn't really understand all that well? I'm sorry, I didn't know she'd do something like this. I should've done a better job at home-” 

“Doctor Reid, raising a child is hard. It's so hard that humans usually do it in communities, or at least in couples. You're doing it alone, and Harper is already one of the smartest and most empathetic little girls I know. You're doing your job as Dad just fine.” 

The man smiled at you and looked down, quickly wiping away a tear as you gave him a moment of privacy. 

“So. If nothing at home set Harper off, we should probably go and ask her why she's calling me mommy, right?” 

You stood, and he stood with you, leaving his satchel next to his chair and unbuttoning his jacket. 

“Great. Sure, let's go see.”

Walking to the back of the room, you both smiled quietly, looking at the small girl. The 100 piece puzzle you'd guided her to was neatly arranged on the desk, pieces split into edges and centre pieces as she slowly looked at each one with a quietly focused face. Each time she found the piece she was looking for, her smile was bright as she connected it to the small part she was working on. 

“Mommy! Daddy! I can't find the melody's face, can you help me?” 

“Sure, Harper, we'll help you.” You moved to sit beside her at the tiny desks, giggling when the older Reid on Harper's other side struggled to fit himself in the toddler sized chairs. 

Harper assigned you roles, and you all started quietly doing your jobs, waiting for Harper to focus again so you could ask her questions without agitating her. 

“Harper, can you tell your Daddy why you call me Mommy?” 

“Sure! You're Mommy because I want you to marry with Daddy.” 

If you weren't already still flushed from her earlier comments, you certainly were lightheaded with embarrassment now. 

“Harper, that's not how it works-” 

“Yes, it is, Daddy! Henry said so. He said his mommy and daddy were sad one day, but then they were together again and they had a big party called a wedding and now they're happy, and that's why we have Michael.” You didn't quite follow from all the names and the story events, but it was evident that Reid did, so you waited quietly for his explanation. 

“My friend. Her son was at her wedding a few years back. They have another son who is a couple years older than Harper, they come to school together?” 

Your mouth made a small ‘o’ as you slowly filled in the blanks. 

“Harper, you want daddy to have a wedding so he isn't sad anymore?” 

The little girl gave a big nod and a smile, like she was so happy that she was finally being understood. 

“Miss Y/N should marry daddy because he thinks she's pretty. Henry said that was important for a wedding, your mommy has to look beautiful.” You made eye contact with Doctor Reid awkwardly as she spoke, both of you looking away for fear of seeing the embarrassment on each others faces. 

“And Miss Y/N wants a baby. So I will be Miss Y/N's baby, so everyone can be happy!” Harper's kid logic was a little hard to find fault with, but you still had to push back a little. 

“Harper, why do you think I want a baby?” 

“Angie asked you, and you said," the girl pouted, almost frustrated woth habing to answer all these silly questions.

"She asked you why you don't have a baby, and you said that you can only have a baby if you're married and that you wanted to have a baby when you were married. So marry my dad, and I'll be your baby!” 

Harper's smile was so happy and content that you really didn't want to spoil her dream just yet. You continued putting the puzzle together for a few minutes in silence, the full picture nearly being complete now. Harper seemed to fidget a little in her seat next to you, pushing closer and closer to you before tugging on your sleeve. 

You leaned down and she whispered in your ear - though you didn't doubt that her dad heard every word. 

“If you really want, I'm sure we can get another baby like Henry got Michael. I'll ask my dad, but I think it's allowed.” 

The poor man on the other side of the desk had to cover his face with his hands to stop the blush from showing, devolving to just straight up resting his head on the desk when his daughter kept going. 

“A boy is okay, but my dad doesn't really know about boy stuff. Uncle Derek says that my daddy is just a pretty boy with a book brain. We should get another girl, so daddy can be not worry.” 

The more you listened to Harper's adorable family plan, the more you just wanted to squeeze her tight and say yes and give her everything she wanted. 

“Miss Y/N, once again, I'm so sorry for everything, I'll talk with Harper at home about this.” 

“It's okay, I actually find it all very sweet,” you laughed a little and smiled back at him. 

“No, I'm sure your boyfriend would be so uncomfortable if he knew that she was trying to marry you off-” 

“Doctor Reid, are you trying to ask me if I'm single?” 

The small grin that quirked his lips up was nothing if not unfair. He really was a very pretty boy. 

“It was that obvious?” 

“Yep.” You made sure the ‘p’ popped a lot as you both shared a small laugh. Harper looked up between you and smiled, too. 

“So, can you get married now? Henry said you can do it really quickly, like in Grandpa Rossi's garden, and then you can go and do the secret part at home while Auntie Penny looks after me.” 

“Secret part?” 

“To make the other baby, silly!” 

[pluckyredhead]

I read an interesting meta post about Kon's time in Smallville the other day and it got me thinking about how all the non-Steel Supers have three identities: superhero (Super), secret identity (Kent, usually), and Kryptonian (El). But they don't all identify with those identities in the same way.

Clark, in his heart, is human. Yes, obviously he isn't literally human, but he was raised his entire conscious life on Earth, by humans, surrounded by humans. He married a human. His two closest friends are humans. Until puberty, he thought he was human. It's not that Superman is a disguise, exactly, but as Lois and Clark put it so beautifully: "Superman is what I can do. Clark Kent is who I am." And Clark Kent is human.

(Same with Jon, if not moreso. Jon was born on Earth and didn't know he was half alien until he was ten. Jon is also human in his heart.)

Kara, meanwhile, is Kryptonian. Kara lived on Krypton until she was sixteen. It shaped her beliefs and her values. I don't think this necessarily means she's forever alienated, it's just a different experience of life than Clark has. And I think it's telling that she's had so many identities on Earth: Linda Lee, Linda Danvers, Kara Kent, Linda Lang, Kara Danvers, probably some others I'm forgetting about. None of them are as foundationally real to her as "Kara Zor-El," or as "Clark Kent" is to Clark. Supergirl is what she can do, but Kara Zor-El is who she is. And Kara Zor-El is Kryptonian.

But Kon? Kon was created to be Superman. Kon didn't have a name besides "Superboy" or "SB" or "Kid" for years. Even after Clark offered him the Kon-El name (and don't get me wrong, that was an incredibly meaningful moment for Kon), he didn't develop it as a separate identity. For the first ten years Kon existed in canon, he had no secret identity whatsoever. He was an extremely public hero, he loved being a public hero, and he had absolutely no desire to live any other way. When he was given the name "Conner Kent" and the secret identity that came with it, it wasn't something he wanted, and it took literally dying and coming back to life for him to see any value in it at all. He had to pretend to be something he wasn't, but hey, at least he wasn't dead! Even as recently as his current miniseries, Kon has chosen to "find himself" by leaving Earth and going on a mission in space where neither the Kon nor Conner identities are in use or at all relevant.

In other words, at the end of the day, Clark identifies as human and Kara identifies as Kryptonian. But, in a way that's half inspiring for what it says about his heart, and half tragic, like a grown-up child actor who has no idea how to interact with ordinary people, Kon identifies as a superhero.

[theminecraftbee]

task: answer the following question. do you believe in curses? respond as completely with relevant information as possible.

Grian: Well, that's a lie. This isn't a task. I know it's not a task, I set the things up! Not sure why we're getting a question as pointless as this one, but sure, mysterious scroll, I'll answer. There's no such thing as curses, unless you're Timmy, in which case it's funny, yeah? Besides, I didn't actually kill Etho. Even if that did count, self-fulfilling prophecies aren't the same thing as curses, and I know which one I fall under.

Joel: Do I believe in bloody curses what kind of question is that? Do I really get hearts just for answering this? This feels like a prank or something... well, whatever. There are no such thing as curses, except the Boogeyman curse, which I sort of had today, but it wasn't actually the same at all. A lot of the bloodlust, sure, but a lot more... Etho had to be the one to do it, huh? And it's not the same. Not comforting. That's a stupid thing to say actually. Take it out of wherever you're putting this. Cut it out of the recording. Comforting. Please. As if it were ever... Yeah, I'm done actually. Don't have a good answer. Go away.

Scott: What, other than Jimmy? Bless that man, he may not have died first, but he sure tried his best. Sure, I'll believe Jimmy is cursed. I mean, mostly he's just kind of stupid. Lovingly so. I mean, despite him being stupid, I put up with him, right? That seems like a complete answer to this question. Jimmy's an omen but we put up with him anyway. That's all.

Mumbo: NO RESPONSE GIVEN.

Pearl: Oh, I mean, I'm probably cursed. That's what everyone liked to say at one point. I think... I mean, I think this time I have good friends, which is nice. They don't think I'm cursed. And it's not like I--I mean, it's surprisingly fun, acting cursed! And I am just acting. Acting scary, blowing up dance floors, all of that. And I don't really have to this time, so... Maybe I'm not cursed? And since it's acting, it's not real? This is a weird question.

Etho: Oh, man, that's a question. Um, do I have to answer? Because I feel like if I say no, that's really just asking for it, but if I say yes, I have to explain myself. Uh, I think I'm abstaining, unless the zombie thing from earlier counts. That was scary and I hated it. Curses are scary and I hate them in general, but apparently I'm good at them, if you ask everyone else. Um, it's not the only thing I find scary that apparently I'm good at.

Scar: Why, of course I believe in curses! Look at poor, poor... Timbert? Timmy? Jim? Gosh, sorry, I'm very tired right now. That's more proof of curses, by the way! That I'm tired. I've been tired straight since the desert, let me tell you what. And that, my friends, is a curse like no other. What a terrible beast, loneliness is. Wish me luck breaking it, because it's not happening this season!

Cleo: Oh, you mean the thing people like to blame instead of their own actions? Nah. My soulbond was kind of a curse, I guess, but even that's at least half just... bad people. Bad relationships. Good ones, too. We're all just doing what you can, you know? No script, no curses, no characters, just... Oh, I hope everything turns out tomorrow. Sorry, that's unrelated. It's just nicer to hope than to preemptively blame things on curses that don't exist.

Impulse: Well, I mean, I didn't until you just asked me that, but now I feel like I should. Wouldn't that be nice? Being cursed instead of just sort of unlovable? Sorry, no, that's mean to Gem. I shouldn't say that about Gem, she's been good this season. Super, super cursed, mind you, in the like, game mechanic sense? But she's been good, no backstabbing or inability to get love involved. Um, and I guess that's not fair to Bdubs, kind of, except it also totally is and I haven't forgiven him. So I guess if they ask I said I believed in curses, and that's why my life keeps circling clocks? Don't put any of that other stuff down, I'm trying to work on that.

Lizzie: NO RESPONSE GIVEN.

Gem: I was just cursed for a task, but that probably isn't what you're asking about, right? I'm new, so I don't know! A task is a concrete thing to believe in, like bloodshed or victory or fun and games. You don't have to believe in those to know they're real, either! They just are, whether you like it or not. I understand that much!

Tango: Gah, don't talk to me about... Deep breaths. Look, I don't care if it's a curse, or if it's just me being really bad, or what, I'm not going out pointlessly this time. Jimmy managed not to die first, I can manage to not go out to a stray arrow or my own bomb or a misstep this time, right? Is that so much to ask?

Skizz: Huh? Curses? I mean, I don't think so, and to be totally honest I think it's kind of mean the way people sometimes rag on people about them. Everyone's got so many good things about them! Why do people like to focus on the unfortunate luck, huh?

Bdubs: Hah! Curses! Let me tell you about curses. When I see curses, I eat them for breakfast. I don't got curses, I've got better things to do! I've got my buddies with the Mounders, and I've got-well, I'd say keeping Etho safe, but he's being weird at me again this season. Not that it matters. It never matters. Etho and I, we're... The point is, that doesn't matter anyway, because I have the Mounders, and they're the ones who matter here. And because I'm a strong, independent Bdubs, who doesn't need anyone but my bow and my perfect, flawless fighting prowess! Sorry, what was the question? I've been thinking so much lately that it's just sort of made everything else pop out of my head, so it's hard to keep track. I'm sure I answered it flawlessly, though.

Martyn: Of course there are curses. That's half the fun for you lot, isn't it? Putting your little curses on us and watching us rail against them. Bet you think it's real cute to ask us what we think of the things, too. "Oh, what do you think of curses," like we have any control over them. Please. If I had any control over curses, Jimmy--or, well, no, I guess that one was technically broken, wasn't it? Sure doesn't feel like it. Point is, curses are bad, and they're definitely real, and I hate you for them, got it?

BigB: Look, man, if you're trying to get me to write my character out for you, just say so! I won't tell anyone. We can come up with a hole thing about holes and red tasks and the Backrooms together! It'll be fun! After all, you probably don't know what kind of curse to say I have, right? Haha, just kidding. I have no idea what I'm talking about. Luckily, neither does anyone else, so I think that evens out between the lot of us.

Jimmy: NO RESPONSE GIVEN.

[azrakaban]

I love the Smiths - Mattheo Riddle

A/N: It's short. I know. I'm just in shock. #4 in jkrowling?! HELLO? TYSM I LOVE YOU AAAALL

Summary: Mattheo finds a non depressing person who listens to the same depressing music as him

Music suggestions: Back to the old house (2011 remaster) - The Smiths, There Is A Light That Never Goes Out - The Smith

Warnings: Mentions of drug use (not Mattheo or reader), cursing, fluff

DISCLAIMER: I DO NOT DO DRUGS. I never have and never intend to, all descriptions of the effects of weed are brought to you from compulsory PSHE lessons (That's all I'm basing it off of so may be inaccurate) :) 

Pronouns mentioned: The reader has she/her pronouns, but feel free to change it in ur mind, it's not plot relevant xxx

...

Mattheo's POV

Sometimes all you need at the end of the bad day is rain and a smiths vinyl.

And fortunately for a certain younger Riddle son, that's exactly what he had. Well, that and a pack of cigarettes. 

He lit one as he sat back against the cracking stone bricks of the tower walls, just as A There Is Light That Never Goes Out came on. He exhaled the smoke, feeling partially guilty about the health effects he'd been so dubiously warned about by the posters plastered across the school walls. 

It's not like professor sprout didn't mean well by growing medicinal cannabis for some students, it's just that some slightly more raucous Ravenclaws and Gryffindors saw it as a personal invitation to get high. 

Not Mattheo though - he didn't like the stuff, knew it fucked with your head in the worst way possible, so he steered clear of it. He stuck to depressing 80s music to keep him happy. Ironic really. 

He looked up at the stars, trying to spot patterns before drifting off into his mind. 

'Because it's not my home, it's their home

and I'm welcome no more...'

"I love the smiths." Came a voice from the doorway, and Mattheo spun sharply. "What?" He said quietly. 

"I said I love the smiths." Came the voice again, and this time it registered with him that it belonged to a gorgeous girl standing in the doorway.

He grinned, returning the nervous smile on your face. "Yeah?? Well, you've got good taste then." He said, taking a puff of his cig. You flicked it from his hand with a small smile. He looked up at you, confused. 

"Why-?" He said, raising an eyebrow. 

"I heard you complaining about it in transfiguration earlier. At least, I think it was you. Sounded like your voice. It was a deep voice, whining something like 'Theo I wanna quit but you keep putting them on my bedside so I caaaaaan't.'" You imitated him perfectly, and Mattheo laughed. 

"Yeah, sounds about right." He said, smirking to himself. 

You laughed with him. "I imagined you looking at him the way a toddler looks at you before asking if you have games on your phone." You admit, smiling as you sit beside him. 

Mattheo stifled a laugh. "Really? I think I was more looking at him like how a kid looks at their parent before they ask them to watch them do something really bad, like a backflip that turns into an A&E trip." He replied, trying to light another cigarette. You flicked that one off the tower. 

He nodded, mouthing a quick thanks. You laughed. "I'll take those." You stole the cigarettes from his pocket, leaning across Mattheo. Instinctually, he sniffed, smelling your shampoo. You pulled back, looking confused.

"Did you just sniff my hair?" You said, half laughing. He flushed. "It was right there! What was I gonna do? Smelt good though." He acknowledged. "Some kind of spice?" He guessed. 

"Cinnamon." You replied, smiling. He ah'ed in acknowledgement, before he looked up at the stars. You mirrored him. 

"Look. Taurus." You pointed up at a cluster of stars. Mattheo looked up, not seeing anything. "Is it really?" He replied, raising an eyebrow. You giggled. "No idea, but it could be. Why, did it make me seem smart?" You replied, looking over at him.

"Will you push me off of here if I say no?" He laughed. You gently pushed him. "Debating it. If I push you I can steal your vinyl and player." You smirked. 

"Ah, but without me, you'd have no-one to listen to them with." He gently shoved you back. 

You nodded, agreeing with him. "True that."

He smiled, and you sat in silence for a while, before he broke it. "So, what brings you up here at midnight?" He queried, looking at you with a strange expression. 

"Friends. They're driving me insane." You replied, laughing a little. He nodded with you. "Same here." He sighed. 

You looked at him. "What did yours do?" He laughed. 

"Nothing much... they have good intentions it's just..." He grimaced.  "They're trying to set me up with this girl I've never met. She sounds great it's just... I want to know someone before I ask them out, you know? God that sounds corny." He groaned, and your mouth quirked, eyes seeing the stars but not registering them.

"No, I agree. Blind dates are awkward." You shuddered. "Have much experience?" He teased. You shook your head, smiling. "I'm going off of several cheesy rom coms." You shrugged.

"A romance girl hmm?" He smirked. You shoved him. "Loud and proud, tease me all you want, at least my standards aren't the bare minimum." He looked surprised. "It's not a bad thing you know. In my cheesy romance movies, the romance book girls tend to be the best love interests." He shoved you back gently as you gasped. 

"You watch romance movies?" You said quietly. "Don't give me that look, Blaise's mum loved them and I spent summers with them. You learn to tolerate them." He chuckled. You smiled.

"Do you have a favourite?" He gave you a look. "Don't be ridiculous."

You gave him puppy eyes and he relented. "10 Things I hate About you." You smiled happily. "Good choice." 

And then something hit you. "Did you call me a love interest?" He looked confused. "What?" 

"You said the romance book girls are the best love interests are the romance book girls directly after i said it. Do you see me as a love interest, Mr Riddle?" You teased, and he flushed again. 

"You know who I am?" He said quietly. You nodded. "Then why for Salazar's sake are you still here?" He raised an eyebrow. 

"You didn't ask me to leave, so why would I go?" You looked confused. He shook his head. "If you know who I am you've probably heard the rumours about what I'm like. That I'm like... him." You got the implication. 

"Well, you haven't tried to kill me, and you've had plenty of opportunities to push me off the tower, so I'd say you're pretty good in my books." You smiled. He gave you a weak one, clearly still processing. 

"So, do you see me as a love interest?" You repeated, smiling as he blushed slightly again.

"Maybe I do." He murmured. You smiled. "You're cute when you blush." You kissed his cheek before you stood. "Where are you going?" He said, looking crestfallen.

"I prefer to get to know people before I cast them as my love interest." You replied, smiling. 

"See you in transfiguration." And with that, you made your dramatic exit. 

He smiled to himself as you left, and sat there for a few moments in contemplation. What in the fever dream?

...

Mattheo was just leaving charms as he saw a head of (y/h/c) hair leave the history of magic classroom. He looked closer, spotting your gorgeous eyes that he'd been lost in the previous night. And then, in horrifying mortification, he realised he didn't know your name. 

"HEY! SMITHS GIRL!" He yelled, pushing past people to catch up with you, you span around, smiling. 

"Hi." He said a little breathlessly, and you giggled. "We umm, only listened to Side A of my vinyl last night, you wanna do Side B tonight?" He asked, crossing his fingers in his robes. You nodded, smiling, as his friends caught up. 

"I'd love to. But i don't want to keep you from your friends. Hey Theo." You waved to the guy standing behind Mattheo. Mattheo froze as Theo smirked. "Hi n/n. Mattheo, this is the girl I was telling you about. Y/n, Mattheo, Mattheo, Y/n. Though it seems you two are already aquainted?" He raised an eyebrow. 

You flushed. "A little." You murmured. Mattheo nodded sheepishly. "See you tonight, Smiths Girl." He smirked. 

"I have a name!" You called as he left with his friends. "SEE YOU TONIGHT Y/N!" He yelled back, laughing. Theo smirked at him. 

"Don't."

...

Over the next few weeks, you two grew incredibly close. Yapping about people, buried trauma... everything and anything that came up under the moonlight. 

"I love the moon." You said after a particularly deep talk, which had Mattheo nearly on the verge of the tears for the first time in he couldn't remember how long. He turned to you, giving you a sad smile.

"Why's that?" He murmured, watching your features illuminated by the light. 

"It's known you your whole life, through every bad fringe, through every cringy Twilight era, and still loves you. It still doesn't go away, except during the day, which is when the sun watches you. You don't need it then. But as soon as you do, it's there. It only goes when it has to, not because it wants to." You said thoughtfully. Mattheo chuckled slightly.

"Sure you're not over personifying it there?" He whispered, gently nudging you. You shook your head. 

"Look at that and tell me you don't think it can feel." Mattheo looked. And this time he saw. 

He saw what you saw in the moon. He saw what it represented in you. And he decided in that moment, he would stay. He would be your moon, if you would be his sun. But how could he tell you that? He couldn't, god no. 

So he just let his hand inch closer to yours, getting close, so unbearably close and then moving away, like magnets. 

"Y/n?" He murmured. You turned to look at him. "Yeah?" You whispered. 

He swallowed the words he wanted to say, instead opting for something that wouldn't probably make you turn and run away from him. 

"Thank you for telling me about you. And thank you for hearing about me." He said, giving you a small smile. 

"Don't thank me for something I'd willingly do whenever." You replied, watching the stars, and Mattheo wasn't sure if something inside him healed or broke. 

"You'll be the death of me." He chuckled lowly. You smiled. 

"I'd rather be the life of you." You replied, giggling before standing and going to leave. He reacted on instinct, grabbing your hand and pulling you back. 

"Stay? Please." He murmured, pulling you back down. You let him pull you, and found yourself sat between his legs, back against his chest, watching the stars. 

Another song came on, and you smiled. "I love this one!" You said, and stood again. For a moment, Mattheo panicked, before you held out a hand for him. 

"Dance with me?" You whispered, eyes sparkling in the moonlight. Well, to Mattheo, your eyes sparkled all the time, but more under the starlight. 

He stood, smiling as he took your hand and fake bowed, wiggling his eyebrows as he gently rested his hands on your hips, pulling you a little closer. 

You smiled, dancing  in silence for a while before he spoke. "It's a little cold." He said, and you nodded, shivering a little. "Mhm." You said. Damn, you should have brought a jumper. He noticed you shivering. "Come here, y/n." He murmured, outstretching his arms for you. 

You hesitated, and he worried that he'd pushed you too far, before you conceded, moving into his arms. He rested his chin on your head, happy to be a source of warmth if it kept you happy. You snuggled into him and Mattheo physically felt his heart ache, like it wanted out of his chest and into yours. 

"Honestly, fuck you." He said, groaning. You looked up, seeming surprised. "What?" 

"You come up here, where I was fine alone, and share all these things, and  that make me share things that I haven't told anyone before, and what's fucking more, you don't make me feel bad about it, you help me, and suddenly I'm not fine alone, and I need you."

"And I don't like needing people, it just gets you hurt, but you're not like other people, and I'm okay with needing you, because everytime I see you, you heal some tiny part of me, and fuck you because I am so hopelessly, desperately, in love with you." He said, walking back and forth infront of you as you tried to process. 

"I'm sorry." You whispered, smiling. He groaned. "And now you're apologising for it, and you look so fucking pretty and all I can think about it how much I want to kiss you." He exhaled, running a hand through his hair, damp from the rain, and a raindrop fell down his face like a tear. 

"You should. Kiss me I mean. I'd like that." You whispered, and you were barely through with your sentence before his lips were on yours, and you were kissing him, and his one of his hands was cupping your face and another one held your waist.

Mattheo kissed like a man starved, but oh god was it amazing. He kissed you, because you were his oxygen, his everything. 

When he finally broke apart from you, he grinned, then laughed softly, and so did you. 

"Merlin, I love The Smiths." He exhaled, still laughing quietly. You giggled. "Me too. But they share my heart with this one guy, can't think who." 

He laughed at that too. "Can't imagine who you'd be talking about." 

You smiled. "Yeah, it's this stranger I met on the astronomy tower, who likes the same music as me, and is super nice when you get to know him, and who i think loves me too. Oh, and he's also really cute." You added as an afterthought. 

"He's definitely in love with you, given he's usually a little shit to everyone else, including his best friends. OH SHIT. Theo. He's going to be so smug. We CANNOT tell him. I'm begging you." Mattheo fell to his knees, pleading with you in  mocking way. 

"Tell him what?" You smiled innocently, and Mattheo rolled his eyes. 

"That I am yours, Y/N, if you want me, and you are mine if you want that." He replied. 

You nodded. "I want that."

Mattheo kissed you at that, and before you left the astronomy tower, and before he said goodnight to you.

...

The next day, Mattheo saw you outside his charms class, and you shot him a smile. He gave up at that, walking over and giving you a short kiss, smiling into it when you kissed back before the two of you pulled apart. 

"What happened to staying secret?" You murmured, giggling at the surprised expressions of your friends and the surrounding students. He shrugged. "I love my smiths girl." There was a cough behind you, and you turned to see Theo smirking. 

"HA." Theo coughed loudly, his smirk growing more cocky by the second. 

"DON'T." Mattheo glared. 

"Okay, I won't, jeez." Theo put his hands up in mock surrender. 

Mattheo relaxed. 

"Just call me cupid." 

"SON OF A-"

A/N: WOAH. Azra uploaded twice within a month, is she okay? NO GUYS. I have a new crush. YIPPEE. Anyway, hope you enjoyed this crack fic and didn't cringe too much reading it. xxxx

REQUESTS STILL OPEN FOR ALL CHARACTERS <333

K THX BYEEEE

[elodieunderglass]

I am absolutely wild and feral over HDM (legit like, daemons fit SO well. I'm watching dunmeshi wondering where Laios' dog went) and super curious if you do plan a sequel or other fics following this AU??

(In reference to the His Dark Materials / Dungeon Meshi fusion fic)

thank you so much for this question I love this question god!!!! Thank you thank you thank you

God sorry about HDM being delayed, I’m going through hell over it at the moment. It’s meant to end a little after the dragon, then a timeskip epilogue, with special coding so that you can read it two different ways, depending on whether you want spoilers for the manga/season 2. (My idea is that you’ll click a button to reveal/hide it, and the spoiler-free epilogue will be like found poetry.)

Firstly, if you or anyone else would like to take the concepts/characters in His Delicious Materials forward for themselves, you must do this. You don’t need my permission (but I’d love a link! so I can read, scream, reblog, comment, link to it, etc. there is also the “inspired by” setting on ao3 so we can link works directly to HDM, forming a collection for anyone who reads one and wants more.) I don’t own any of it! We are all just having fun! YOU can be the sequel you want to see in the world! If your heart feels a way forward, then follow your heart!! A daemon AU is really about revealing character and I find them really inspiring, like adding a whole engine to a story idea.

If I were to write something to follow up, I do know what the sequel WOULD be! It would be a sort of Discworld novel about the slow social revolution occurring in the half-foots as a chain reaction to Bee settling as a weasel, all occurring behind Chilchuck’s oblivious and unhelpful back. Pushed into a sort of bottleneck of sparrow- and mouse-souls, and marginalised to the very edges of society, half-foots are precarious and endangered. Chilchuck is mostly eating a ham sandwich unhelpfully in the foreground, and at the end of the story looks back and sees to his bewilderment that his people have found a way forward (they don’t have a Shire or a Chosen One, but they do have a goddamn functional worker’s union and their own collective dignity.) kind of Discworld-commentary-comedy, kind of a loving argument with Tolkien, kind of Sharpe hostile-and-awkward-protagonist-POV-doesn’t-know-and-wouldn’t-believe-that-his-men-genuinely-love-him, kind of about the experience of parenting, and kind of gently warmly political BUT FUNNY so it would be ok. but feel it would be too much of a stretch of people’s patience and the original materials’s intentions to call it fanfic. Too many OCs needed to carry the weight, too little reference to the other Dungeon Meshi characters, almost too little “payoff” for what would be a full 70k word work. So maybe to let the story breathe, it would be better worked up as original fiction?

(Plus, that is actually an actual novel: if people write their own novels and manga about orc coffeeshops and dnd parties, I could just write my own too: wait but how do you know if you should?)

Anyway, that is an entirely separate kettle of weasels and my own cross to bear! If your heart cries out for a sequel the best way to manifest it in the world is to write it!

If you feel that A Weasel Heart In Defiance feels like it would scratch that itch, here is a bit that is mildly relevant to Dungeon Meshi, which is Chilchuck and Bee starting to work away from home while the girls were still small. You’ll probably see what I mean from it.

About seven of the village children, including his own three, had a snake in a wooden bucket. They didn't look up.

The reappearance of a random guy who functioned mostly as a postal service and occasionally shouted at them about bedtime - in a way that could be easily blanked out if something more interesting was happening - simply could not be expected to compete for attention with a snake in a bucket.

Chilchuck could recognise this on some level, but as his own children ignored him, he felt very hot and angry, in a way that he had never wanted to feel about children, especially his.

Bee, also rigidly pissed off, growled, "Easy, boss."

This was where Chilchuck did the only thing so far that he was proud of, in this day. He did not start shouting, even though his temper was going something like What the fuck, kids, but worse. He stopped, took a minute, and remembered he'd had this whole thing where he'd wanted his kids to love him. He rubbed his nose, said, "Remind me," and his daemon reminded him: "What do we want them to actually do?"

And he said, "The bare minimum fucking acknowledgement would be nice."

And Bee said, "Have we explained that to them? Do they know?"

So Chilchuck and Bee, hot and tired and cross and still on the job apparently, sat down on the ground with the kids and looked in the bucket. The snake, poor bastard, looked very limp and tired. Chilchuck could relate.

After a while, Chilchuck said, "Girls?"

Or more accurately, something like, "Girls! Girls. Meifleurpatti-I mean Puck-PUCK. Listen up. Mei! Fleur, I'm talking - thanks Fleur - Puck. (Ryeland, stop the baby.) PUCK. Mei, Fleur, Puck - PUCK, eyes on me - thanks, Ryeland - PUCK. EYES," which condensed in parent-speak to a single roar of "Girls!"

When he had them more or less listening, he remembered to set his voice to the more singsong cadence one used for children, instead off the deeper version of his natural voice that he used for shouting at the top of his abilities at tall people; making the choice to be patient and gentle, or at least pretend to be someone who was; and in this manner he said reasonably, "Now, your dad's been away for a very long time and missed you all very much. What do you say? What do you say when your dad comes home?"

Six children stared at him blankly, and the baby toppled gently into the bucket. He fished it out, stuck it sideways under his arm, allowed the snake to escape in the confusion, acknowledged someone's grievously injured finger, stopped Fleur from pinching, took out his pocket handkerchief and wiped Puck's nose in essentially one continuous motion.

To be completely fair, now that he'd let go of the initial anger, he could see that the kids had absolutely no idea what he'd wanted of them. Kids had practically no social instincts at the best of times. Chilchuck coming home was remarkable, sure, but beyond their influence; how were they supposed to react? What do you say to a comet? What do you say to a hailstorm? What do you say when daddy comes home?

He repeated the question, as the children had universally drawn blanks and devolved into staring vacantly.

"Good morning, Daddy!" A child chirped helpfully, setting off the rest in an automatic drone of "good morning, Daddy," in the strangely universal dreary tone of all children saying that.

"So close, Fernwise! Is it morning? What else do we think?"

Bee, fighting for order among the kit-daemons, was simultaneously washing Fleurtom's daemon, Pantoufle's, face; receiving a long rambling report of a grievance from three incoherent witnesses; and minding the baby's chick-daemon; up to her ears in parenting. She said, around a mouthful of Pan, "Speed it up, boss, you're losing them."

"Where are your spots, Daddy?" Pan asked him. He was in the form of a young ferret and scrabbled against his mother's grip on his scruff.

"My what?"

"Your freckles," Bee said grimly, and seeing he'd been temporarily disarmed - and being a valiant beast in her way - charged in to her human's defense, "Is that nice, Pan? We don't want to make people feel bad about their looks, do we?"

"Yes we do," said Fleur.

"Fleur! We've just - we haven't seen much of the sun, that's all," said Bee, taking charge, the best and most loyal soul a man could have. "They'll come back, and they're not spots."

"Mei has spots."

"Freckles."

"Grimbob has spots."

"Yes, and you shouldn't notice," Bee said. "Think of Grimbob's feelings."

"I do, I think he feels spotty."

"I'm thirsty," Puck said flatly.

"Stick to the point, kids," Chilchuck said, recovering from the fact that his usual face was apparently indistinguishable to children from Grimbob's, who had been taking puberty hard. This was surprisingly difficult to do.

Ryeland, a mildly bright spark who was older than the Chils girls, connected two dots and suddenly roared "WELCOME HOME DADDY," so six children all repeated that automatically, and Fleur added sunnily, "I missed you Daddy!"

And just as a very small piece of Chilchuck's heart was finally allowed to melt, she added, equally sunnily, "Mei didn't."

"I did a little," Meijack said vaguely.

"That's great kids, well done, we got there in the end," Chilchuck said. "Remember it for next time, okay? It makes Daddy feel better about his stupid life. Now, next time, let's remember that it's traditional to do a hug."

He realised his mistake instantly, as six children and their daemons all bore him - and the baby he'd forgotten he was holding - to the ground.

___________

[uriekukistan]

AITA for trying to make my son try to kill his half brother? 

i (1000+X) tried to make my eldest son (150M) kill his half brother (15M) and now they both want to kill me. 

i’m a sorcerer, but i’m a bit of a mad scientist as a side hustle, and i like to perform experiments for fun, especially on other sorcerers. 150 years ago, i created 9 cursed spirit-human hybrids. up until a few months ago, they were all kept in tubes in a high school basement.

in the mean time, 16 years ago, i discovered that the soul of my old frenemy's (1000+M) twin brother that he consumed in the womb was reincarnated, so i had a kid with him too, my youngest son.

this year, my youngest son ate a few of my frenemy's preserved fingers, so my frenemy was living inside him, in a sense. in an effort to make contact with my frenemy for a new experiment which i cannot reveal at this time, i stole three of my older sons from the high school basement and let them out.

my youngest came into a conflict with the younger two of the three sons i released, and he and his friend (15F) killed them. my eldest seemed really upset, even thought it didn't seem like that big of a big deal to me. later on, i lost the need for my frenemy's help, so i told my eldest he could kill my youngest to avenge his brothers.

somehow, when they were fighting to the death, my eldest realized that my youngest was his half brother. he ended up having some kind of mental breakdown and didn't kill my youngest. now he's mad that i tried to make him kill his brother, which i don't really see how that's relevant to the situation.

every time i've seen either one of them since they fought, they've tried to kill me. i don't really know what i did wrong. i'm just investigating the nature of sorcery, my life's passion. honestly, i wish they would show more respect for me as their parent and not jump me every time they see me. AITA?

[libraryofgage]

Mermaid/Pirate Steddie Part Three

Part One | Part Two

I got side-lined by the Modern Steve in 80s Hawkins fic for a hot minute (that big boi is at, like, 73k; he hefty), but here's the next part!

As always, if you see any typos, no you didn't ;P

In the port city of Socotra, past the first big plaza and down a few side streets, is a small two-story shop with a sign that reads "C. C. Elixirs and Solutions." The shop is owned by a very nice young witch named Chrissy Cunningham who, currently, is doing her absolute best to not laugh in Eddie's face as he spins his tale of accidentally entering into courtship with a merman.

"Anyway," Eddie says, pacing in front of the counter with his hands splayed and his hair a mess, "I was wondering if you'd have anything that could help me."

Chrissy covers her mouth, swallowing down the bursts of laughter threatening to bubble up her throat. After a moment, she asks, "With what, exactly?"

Eddie turns to look at her, gesturing to the shop as a whole. "C’mon, Chrissy, you gotta have something here for me, right? Like, I don't know, a fucking manual or whatever."

"Of course I don't have a...," Chrissy trails off, frowning slightly as she looks at the storeroom door behind her. She's getting a very familiar feeling. It settles at the top of her spine like a shiver that's just waiting and waiting to happen but never does. Usually, this means something.

"Give me a second," she says, barely hearing Eddie's agreement before she heads into the back.

Her storeroom is a chaotic mess that only makes sense to Chrissy. Precarious stacks of books are randomly scattered across the floor, some of them holding plants or knickknacks on top. A few tables are filled with potion ingredients, magical artifacts that still need cataloging, half-filled notebooks, and dozens of pens. A few bookcases line the walls, and Chrissy wanders over to one of them.

She scans the spines, passing over books about fae marriage customs, common selkie family traditions, and in-depth essays analyzing Phoenix mating dances. Finally, her gaze lands on a thin, unassuming book. Its cover is made of sea-foam green leather, with waves etched into the spine instead of words. When Chrissy pulls it off the shelf, the front cover is blank. She doesn't remember getting this book, but this can happen in magic shops. Sometimes items just appear where they know they'll be needed.

Chrissy flips the book open, landing on the front page and grinning at the dedication that reads, "To all the hapless fools in love with a sea dragon's descendant. Here's to hoping you don't royally fuck it up."

Yeah, that's perfect.

She heads back to the front of the shop, immediately noticing that Eddie has placed trinkets and rocks on the counter. She recognizes a few of her protection charms (made of genuine silver, she'd like to add), some quartz of varying colors, and a ring set with a prismatic shard. Chrissy stares at the items before looking up at Eddie with a raised eyebrow.

"Stevie would love all of these," Eddie says, shrugging with absolutely no remorse or shame as he drops a coin purse onto the counter.

Chrissy sighs and digs a few coins out, ensuring they're all gold and all real by biting them before nodding. "You know, land-based magical items don't actually work on merfolk," she says, pushing the purse back to Eddie as she places the book on the counter as well. "So those protection charms and that prismatic ring won't do anything for him."

"Yeah, but they're pretty. He'll like them," Eddie insists. He then notices the book, and his eyes light up hopefully. "Did you find something?"

"Yep, seems to be exactly what you need," she says, sliding it closer to him and watching as he opens it to a random page.

"A common practice among merfolk is to collect trinkets during their pod's travels. Some trinkets won't be personally interesting to the merperson, but can be later used as courting gifts if they're relevant to the intended mate's interests or likes," Eddie reads, tilting his head slightly with a genuine interest that Chrissy usually only sees when he discusses new songs he's learned during his travels.

"Consider that one on the house. But I expect to meet this merman once you've finished your honeymoon phase," Chrissy says, pulling out a small velvet bag and placing the other items inside.

She gives it to Eddie, smiling once more when he nods, digs into his pockets, and drops another small pouch onto the counter. "Almost forgot. Here's some of that 500 year old ginseng you mentioned before," he says.

Chrissy blinks, staring at the pouch. Before she can say anything (like, for example, demanding to know how Eddie got his hands on so much of such a rare ingredient that only the most qualified of practitioners can even dream about seeing), Eddie has gathered his things and practically run out of the shop with a hurried goodbye thrown over his shoulder.

Excerpt from "The Lovelorn Fool's Guide to Merfolk Courtship"

The most important thing to know about courting merfolk is the levels of courtship, of which there are three. In order, they are:

Gift-giving: merfolk collect various trinkets throughout their life, including items they personally do not find interesting. Upon finding a potential mate, they will go through their collection and gift items they think the potential mate will like. To learn more about trinket collection, refer to Part II.

Harmonizing: unsurprisingly, singing is important to merfolk. In addition to being an enjoyable pastime, singing is another mode of communication. The ability to harmonize with a potential mate is vital, as it proves the two are well-matched. To learn more about song types, refer to Part III.

Pod Introduction: the final stage of merfolk courtship, pod introduction is the most important. Pods are sacred, and introducing a potential mate to the pod is an incredible show of trust and commitment. To learn more about pods and their structure, refer to Part IV.

Of these levels, gift-giving often takes the longest. Some merfolk give hundreds of gifts before moving to harmonizing, and others give one. Be patient and try to return each gift you receive.

While these are the levels of courtship, the actual establishment of mateship (consider this the merfolk equivalent of marriage, only it's far more permanent), involves the gifting of scales.

You can find more on this in Part V.

----

Steve stares longingly at the small window in Eddie's cabin, tracking the clouds and lingering on birds that soar by. He knows he can't be on the deck when they've docked, but scales, he's bored.

Are his guppies bored, too? Do they still play games, or are they too worried about Steve to sweep through the waters? Has Robin lost a few scales from exhaustion and stress? How quickly after hugging him is she going to kill him for being away for so long?

With a sigh, Steve drags his eyes away from the window and looks at his tail. Kelp is still wrapped around the wound, but he knows it's almost healed. He can flick his fins without hurting, and the wound has mostly scabbed over, fresh scales beginning to creep over the cut. Maybe a few more nights, and Steve will be ready to jump back into the ocean and find his pod and guppies again.

But that would mean leaving Eddie behind, and...Steve really doesn't want to do that. Because Eddie is the closest Steve has ever actually come to finding a potential mate.

He starts to sink into the water to submerge his head beneath the surface so his disgruntled and stressed air bubbles can rise from his gills. Before he can fully slide under the surface, though, Steve hears the familiar sound of Eddie's excited, hurried footsteps.

Steve perks up, gripping the edge of the tub as Eddie slams into the door, cursing at the pain as he opens it and stumbles inside. He looks at Steve immediately, his cheeks flushed and his eyes wide and a grin tugging at his lips to reveal dimples. He's carrying a small pouch in one hand and a book with a sea-foam green cover in the other.

"Stevie!" he says, kicking the door closed and walking over to the tub, "I got you stuff."

With that, Eddie crouches in front of the tub and holds the pouch out to Steve. He doesn't seem to notice how Steve's gills flutter, air pushing out in an excited, flustered pattern that would have made Robin tease him. Eddie doesn't know that, though, so Steve tries to ignore his gills and takes the pouch.

He opens it carefully, his gaze immediately caught on a ring set with a rainbow-colored stone. Steve's eyes widen, his mind swirling around the pretty color and how well it matches his tail and how it looks to be the perfect size and how it would still glitter even when Steve is deeper than the sun can reach.

He pulls the ring out, turning it over a few times before sliding it onto his left ring finger. He was right; it fits perfectly. It has a strange but ultimately harmless magic attached to it. Steve grins brightly, a small, barely noticeable hum bubbling from his throat as he looks back into the bag.

He pulls out each rock, studies them intently, and approves of their color and shimmer. With a nod, Steve places them carefully in the tub, clustering them on the left side of his tail, the side further from the door, for protection.

Finally, Steve pulls out a few of the protection charms. They're small and made of a material Steve immediately recognizes as something that tarnishes in water. He really likes them, though, and it would be a shame to not use them for something.

"Eddie," he says, looking up to see Eddie staring at him, his excited smile turning dopey.

"Yeah, sweetheart?" he asks, leaning forward and resting his arms on the tub.

Steve leans forward, taking a lock of Eddie's hair and studying it carefully. After a few seconds, he decides it's good enough. "Turn around?" he asks, his gills fluttering again when Eddie does so without question. After taking a second to calm himself, Steve asks, "Can I do your hair?"

Eddie hums, leaning his neck on the rim of the tub, giving Steve full access to his hair, the ends of which are dipping into the water. "Of course, Stevie. Whatcha wanna do?" he asks.

"It's a surprise," Steve tells him, moving some until he's partially sitting on his tail so he can properly face Eddie's hair. He places the pouch on the edge of the tub, letting it precariously balance, before running his fingers through Eddie's hair.

He's done this enough times for Max to know how to fix tangles without pulling. As he works, Steve relaxes, falling into a familiar rhythm, and starts to hum softly. It's a lullaby, one that he doesn't get to sing the guppies to sleep with anymore, but they tolerate it when he's caring for wounds or helping them scrub their tails or braiding their hair.

Steve divides Eddie's hair into sections and starts braiding. Every other inch, Steve takes one of the charms from the pouch and braids it into Eddie's hair. By the time he's done, the braid is decorated with silver charms, standing out nicely against Eddie's brown hair.

"Okay," he says, using a thin piece of kelp to tie off the braid, "It looks good."

Eddie hums, reaching back and carefully running his fingers over the braid. Steve watches, suppressing the urge to grab Eddie's hand. "Did you not like them?" Eddie asks, dropping his hand and turning around. The charms clink against each other, creating a quiet song that makes Steve's heart light and happy.

"I liked them," Steve says, pushing the pouch on the edge of the tub into Eddie's lap. "They tarnish in water, though. And their magic felt too strange. They look better on you."

"So, you gave me a gift?" Eddie asks, his smile hopeful and his eyes bright. Steve can't help returning the smile with a nod. In response, Eddie leans forward even further, like he's acting on impulse more than anything else, and presses his lips to Steve's cheek.

Steve's eyes widen, his gills burst, and his ear fins flare in response. To the untrained (human) eye, his reaction is similar to a cat puffing and bristling when faced with a threat. To the trained eye (Robin. And other merfolk, but mostly Robin), Steve's reaction is entirely common for especially flustered merfolk.

It's never happened to Steve before, and that just makes him feel more flustered. He doesn't want Eddie to see his flared fins, so he does the first thing he thinks of; Steve pushes forward and wraps his arms around Eddie's shoulders, hugging him tightly so he can't pull away. "Thanks," he mumbles, "for the gifts, I mean."

He hears Eddie laugh and feels Eddie's hands slide across his side and to his back to return the hug. "Of course, Stevie," Eddie replies, his breath warm against Steve's gills and sending a subtle shiver down Steve's spine. "I'm glad you like them."

Steve is gone. He can't imagine being away from Eddie. He can already see Eddie and the guppies meeting, and he can see Robin fucking with Eddie just to see how he reacts. Steve can see Eddie in the water with him, grinning as his hair floats around them. Steve can see Eddie and him lying together on a beach, warm on the sand and basking in the sun.

Most of all, Steve can imagine giving Eddie a necklace or bracelet of his scales. Maybe that should scare or worry him, but all Steve can feel is excited and warm, and he's more than happy to bask in that feeling for a while.

----

Tag List (the tag list is full! I wasn't able to fit everyone, so if you aren't on here, I'd suggest following #high seas steddie. I think you should still get updates on your dash if you do)

@mugloversonly, @raisedbylibrarians, @thegirlwiththelibrarybag, @savory-babby, @vankaar, @beckkthewreck, @itcanbepalped, @imfinereallyy, @finntheehumaneater, @mightbeasleep, @weekend-dreamer7

@whenindoubtb72, @troublemaker2azz, @just-a-tiny-void, @upallnightogetloki, @mxmakessense, @ellietheasexylibrarian, @haelreadsshit, @y4r3luv, @starman-jpg, @littlewildflowerkitten, @estrellami-1, @stevieschrodinger, @gaelicblue, @they-reap-what-we-sow

@5ammi90, @noodle-shenaniganery, @acrolius, @hallelujahimatheist, @rainbow-freckle, @desidrarry-wolfstarshipper, @goodolefashionedloverboi, @79chevyimpala, @aliea82, @hopefulcookieoperatorpersona, @sani-86, @queenie-ofthe-void, @goosesister, @hello-fellow-nerds, @luthienstormblessed, @xtkxkrzrizir, @potato-of-the-lord, @geekymagicalpotato, @child-of-cthulhu, @aizawa-emma, @m-owo-n, @newtstabber, @cartercaptainofthemoon, @spectrum-spectre, @a-little-unsteddie

[tangents-within-tangents]

As much as I love sweet headcanons and found family fics about the Batch accepting Echo and supporting him through his adjustment and PTSD/trauma, gotta remember that what we were actually given in canon is this:

Hunter: Me and the boys will tag along anyway, if only to say I told you so. Crosshair: I would have left him for dead too. Besides, he's just another reg. (his rescue was just a mission for them, wouldn't have done it otherwise)

Tech: To be blunt his mind belonged to the Separatists until we unplugged him. We don't really know where his loyalties lie. Rex: Yeah? Well I know. Hunter: Alright Echo what are you trying to pull? Tech: How do we know that's what you're really going to do? Hunter: Well I guess you actually are on our side. (They openly doubt his loyalty even though they saw what he went through, and he already fought alongside them on Skako. Feels kinda victim-blamey to me, and it's odd that it goes straight from this to him joining them, like he had to prove himself worthy first? It's just the opposite of fanon which usually has the Batch be immediately sympathetic/protective and assume the regs would distrust him)

Tech: You are more machine than man, percentage wise at least. Echo, a triple amputee: *sigh* lucky me...

Palpatine: ...the attempt on my life has left me scarred and deformed Wrecker: You can say that again! Echo, a physically disabled person:

Echo, who was medically experimented on: *injured and having a panic attack in the medbay* The Batch: *off somewhere joking/betting about if he’s dead*

Tech: -from the Citadel rescue when you... how shall I put this? Wrecker: Blew up!! :D Crosshair: And turned into that Echo: *sigh* yes

Random stranger: *mistakes Echofor a droid* Hunter: *smiles and goes along with it for the credits* Echo, who was SOLD and dehumanized as a pow: *visibly uncomfortable* Hunter: Echo, go to your new owner.

Echo, who was treated like property by the Techno Union: *explains why slavery is wrong* And we are gonna stop it from happening to that kid. Tech: As well as earn a decent amount of credits once the job is complete. Echo: (bitterly) yeah, that too *leaves the room*

Tech: The client being a Separatist is not relevant. Echo, who was imprisoned and tortured by Separatists for over a year: It is to me! Hunter: Forget politics! We're here to do a job.

Tech: This squad existed before Echo was a part of it, and it will exist after.

For the record, yes people can and do joke about their trauma and disabilities

But look at Echo’s reactions/tone/body language in these scenes. It’s downcast sighs and discomfort, while the others are smiling, sneering, or dismissive. And because it's animated that means that every facial expression was intentionally designed.

What really clinches it for me is this moment:

Omega, a child who he just met, comforts him and helps him through his panic attack. But when the Batch, his squad who he's been living with for at least ~6 months, comes into the room he visibly closes himself off and hides his vulnerability :(

There are good moments too (though tbh i can't think of many)

I don't wanna discount that, but that doesn't discount this either. And it's just really weird when you think about it. Like half of these were in the first episode, which is the first time we are actually seeing how these characters interact together as a squad. And this is coming from the "defective" clones who supposedly know what it's like to not fit in? Who offered Echo a place with them specifically because they thought he wouldn't be accepted by others?

As with anything, there are ways we can read into or explain these moments (like honestly 'selling' your brother or betting that your brother died by lunch tray is very accurate sibling energy (And my personal headcanon (to reconcile it for myself bc the show didn't) is that Wrecker was worried about Echo so Crosshair jokingly exaggerated that he was dead and turned it into an argument/bet to distract him (which is also why I think he turns battles into a game/competition with Wrecker)) but Echo is very traumatized and there's a complete lack of consideration there). But that doesn't excuse it nor does it change the fact that this is what was presented to us in the writing. Characters aren't actually people (shocking I know lol), so any of their 'choices' are actually made by a real-life writer. And whether the implications of these moments were fully considered/intended or not, it still portrays the characters and their attitudes/relationships in a certain way.

[fictionandescapism]

Reasons why TUA S4 is not canon to me

(spoilers obviously)

You're telling me that Lila held on to her resentment for so long in her marriage without saying a word?? She would have told Diego a long long time ago about the behaviour that was bothering her.

She does make fun of him sure, but never in front of people and she definitely doesn't allow other people to make fun of him ( remember when she called Ben a shitty little squid because he was mean to her boyfriend) so honestly what was up with all those fat jokes???

I've seen other people mention this too but like despite having three children, it really seemed like they only cared about Grace, I never even knew they had twins till it was actually mentioned on screen.

The five and Lila thing was just so weird??? Like I get the whole only people on the planet thing but honestly there was zero romantic chemistry between them ever and now suddenly because they're alone, they're hooking up?? Not to mention, later five acts like he's in love with her??? Like what was that??? He was literally acting like a lovestruck teenager which he never did even when he was stuck in an actual teenage hormonal body.

Again this has been mentioned before by other fans but like five's deal has always been about protecting his family and now he's just chill with leaving them behind and starting a life with Lila?? He's always butted heads with Diego but there was never a doubt that he genuinely cared about him like he cared about all his siblings and now he's ready to fight him over a girl??? You're telling me that makes sense?

Not to mention neither of them looked particularly remorseful about what they had done. Even towards the end, none of this actually got resolved, the insane love triangle still existed, at some point it felt like Lila was never in love with her husband at all, Diego never actually said goodbye to his kids, Claire and Allison were the only ones who got some kind of closure, Klaus was on bizzare side quests the entire time, the whole plot of luther and Diego finding out the CIA boss was involved also kind of didn't really matter in the end?? Like it was some half ass attempt to make them relevant to the plot, even him deciding that he would rather spend time with his kids didn't matter because he lost them like idk three hours later? Don't even get me started on the numerous glaring plot holes in that ending because I wouldn't even know where to begin.

TUA S4 was truly character assassination at it's finest.

[am-i-the-asshole-official]

Am I the Asshole for Taking my Neighbor's Dog Out For a Fun Day?

I rent a small house and there's a really short fence between my neighbor's yards and mine. I can see right over it. I think it's something to do with our HOA but I don't actually go to the meetings or read the statements they put out so I wouldn't know.

Anyway, the relevant thing about the fence is that it means I can see my neighbor's dog all the time. He's a little brown short haired weiner dog, and he always looks sad when I see him. The neighbor feeds him, he has plenty of toys, and she takes him on walks almost every day, so I wouldn't say he's neglected, but he spends a lot of time just hanging out in his yard, and I spend a lot of time hanging out in mine, so I see him out there a lot. Especially when she's at work.

I sometimes call him over to the fence and pet him when he's looking especially glum, but a few weeks ago I got a wild hare up my ass and decided to do something a little more extreme. I picked him up, and brought him over to my house. He had a great time sniffing around for about half an hour, and then I decided to drive him to the Petco nearby and let him pick out a treat. After he ate his treat, I brought him back and put him back in his yard, knowing that my little dog bro would be a little less lonely for the day.

My sister came over to visit this weekend, and I told her about our little escapade, thinking it was a funny little anecdote. She said that I'm insane for doing that and I could go to jail for stealing someone's dog (like I didn't put him back, and like the owner even noticed). But I think that because it was just a harmless little dog hangout that it's perfectly fine. AITA?

What are these acronyms?

[accirax]

DRDT Chapter 2 Recap Analysis

Heyyyyy everybody :D

I'm sure that, by now, everyone has heard the exciting news: DRDT will be back on Friday, September 6, at 7 PM EST! That's so awesome!!! I can't wait to finally see the end of the Chapter, and hopefully for the DRDT community to come back in full force, even if only for a little while. I missed you all :)

So, to get back in the swing of Chapter 2 theorizing (and recap what's just happened for everyone including myself), I've decided to run a bit of analysis on the return announcement itself, specifically the recap that occurs at the end. I believe that anything an author says about their works can hold clues as to how they view their story. And, in this case, what does and doesn't make the recap and how certain events are phrased can give us some last-minute clues as to what we should be keeping our eyes on going into the second half of the Trial.

I'm going to try to keep this as facts-focused and non-partisan as possible, but in a "theory" like this, confirmation bias is basically impossible to fully ignore. It's inherent that I'll be more likely to pick up on "clues" that work with my beliefs than ones that work against it. So, please remember that I am not attacking anyone who believes any of the things that I "disprove" in this analysis, and I'm also not saying that you're already 100% wrong about them at this point in time. I'm literally going to "shoot down," so to speak, some of my own theories, but I'm not taking this analysis as reason enough to abandon them just yet. We can't know if anything is true or false until the Chapter is finished, so it would be silly to call something completely wrong when the Chapter hasn't even restarted yet.

With that out of the way, let's recap that recap, and drain every bit of information out of it that we possibly can!

I think that the most efficient way to see what is and isn't present is to list out the "scenes" that occur throughout Chapter 2, and see what DRDTdev had to say about each of them. With that in mind, our first "event" is...

Eden Makes Breakfast

Notably, all mention of Levi helping Eden make breakfast is omitted from this recap. This includes in the visuals of the clip played.

In some instances, I'm going to write how DRDTdev could have phrased things if he wanted to highlight certain elements in an indented paragraph, just to prove that it was possible to convey the information differently. Like this!

"Chapter 2 starts with Levi helping Eden make breakfast for everyone."

Distributing the Motive

This part seems pretty all-inclusive to what I remember happening in this scene. The only thing I particularly have to note is the finality of "Arturo received J's secret"-- which really makes it sound like that secret was assigned correctly-- but I don't think literally anyone was trying to claim that Arturo was lying about J having that secret.

Investigating the Second Floor

Obviously, DRDTdev didn't go into detail about any of these interactions-- no notes on Whit's theory that the killing game was catered to them, about Levi really wanting to make things up with Ace, or Nico's struggles with socialization. It means that those details are probably less important to the end of the Trial specifically, but I don't think that's much of a surprise.

Caulking the Bathroom

A lot of detail is omitted from what Teruko and MonoTV were actually talking about in the bathroom. Most notably, however, is that the Monocredits are not included in the recap. This may mean that Teruko's second Monocredit will not be redeemed this chapter, but at some later time.

A Chat With Charles

Once again, the use of Monocredits are ignored, as well as the fact that Charles gave Teruko the secret he received in case of emergencies. Therefore, it's possible that the letter (which should contain Eden's secret) won't come up again in the end of the Trial, and that this scene was more relevant to Charles' plot of opening up to Teruko than anything directly related to the secrets themselves.

"Afterwards, Teruko goes to talk with Charles, who hands her his motive secret in case of emergencies. Flustered by Charles' trust in her, Teruko uses her first Monocredit to have MonoTV make Charles go away."

Eden Retrieves Teruko

A couple of things here! Firstly, DRDTdev draws attention to the fact that Teruko was removed from the group for a day. I don't know if this could factor into murder plans at all, given that it's a whole three days before Arei turns up dead, but it could be relevant. Secondly, any mention of Eden's blackmail AND any mention of Eden's philosophy are omitted from the recap. Given that that's both one piece of information that makes Eden seem more guilty AND one piece that makes her seem more innocent, I imagine that was probably just to keep things neutral/brief. Unlike some of the other text boxes that I showed could have been written differently, that descriptor was already pretty long.

Commotion in the Cafeteria

No comment on who was the one tasked to help each of those pairs (Eden, Veronika, Teruko) or Charles and Whit choosing to sit out, but none of those additions seemed incredibly relevant to the overall plot.

David Suggests Secret Sharing

In this case, "secret" is put in quotations, which strongly suggests that having a family history of depression, whether true or not, is not what David's secret actually was. But, the board basically confirmed that already. Far more wildly, no mention is made of Charles learning of Elliot's existence at all. This is particularly crazy to me given that the last video on the DRDT channel prior to this was the Yoidoreshirazu MV. It definitely implies to me that Charles' secret will not be relevant in wrapping up Chapter 2.

Arei's Breakdown

The use of "rebuffs" as opposed to "bullies" or "demeans" is interesting to me, as it's a relatively chill word to describe what Arei did. We also lost Eden slipping up and telling Teruko that the secret she has belonged to someone with he/him pronouns, but that was likely excluded because we've (most likely) already solved that mystery.

Rose's Secret

No detail about Rose's backstory, but we don't have all day. Far more interesting to me is that DRDTdev draws attention to Nico asking Rose to teach them to paint in a sentence that could have easily been cut. My guess is to highlight the importance of this in relation to Ace's "murder."

Nico Threatens Ace

Nothing of note here; this seems pretty standard.

Nico's Secret

The phrasing "David has Nico reveal their secret" is really cool for how non-partisan it is. It doesn't say "David FORCES Nico" or "David MAKES Nico," but it also doesn't just say "Nico reveals their secret," either. It points out how David pushed things in this direction, but did so in a way where it was still technically up to Nico. Anyways, we also lost Hu telling us about the origin of her name. This is a bit strange, given that it's the main scene we have (in Chapter 2 at least) of Hu and David working together and being on good terms before David's reveal. Perhaps this implies that any relevance this scene has on the Trial has already passed.

Teruko Threatens J

Honestly, the weirdest part of this to me is that it was important enough to make the recap at all. But, it did have a CG and everything. Actually, I wonder if this could have been included to help us remember that Teruko is actively carrying a knife on her at all times.

Ace Nearly Dies

DRDTdev directly phrases this as "Nico attempting to murder Ace," which really sounds like a soft confirmation that Nico was the one who tried to kill Ace, and therefore they were not framed for this crime.

"Late at night, Teruko and Eden spot Nico running away from Ace's nearly dead body in the Gym."

We also lose a lot of detail when it comes to Teruko and Eden investigating the initial scene of the crime, Ace chasing down Nico to kill them on the spot, and Levi offering his aid before being rejected and growing angry. It could indicate that the details of what happened after Ace "died" won't be relevant to the end of the Chapter.

Hu Defends Nico

This scene, in which Ace tries to expose what Nico did and Hu argues that Ace must have the wrong idea, is entirely missing from the recap. I bring this up because, very notably, this is the scene where Arei is last seen, not speaking. Arei's weirdly quiet breakfast is not highlighted in the recap at all, which may mean that it won't be relevant to the Trial.

Teruko and Rose Check Out the Gym

We once again call particular attention to the fact that Rose can't do a pullup because the grippy tape went missing from the Gym at some point around the time of the murder, although no focus is put on the fact that the Gym was closed in between when Teruko and Eden were there and when Teruko returned with Rose. This may suggest that the lockdown logic of how the tape went missing may be relevant to the remainder of the chapter.

A Chat With Charles and Whit

Once again, absolutely no mention is made of Ellie or Charles' childhood amnesia, despite that being the main point of this conversation. Weird.

"Teruko stops by the Computer Lab and talks with Charles and Whit about Charles' memories of a forgotten older brother."

Horror Movies in the Gym

Beyond the lack of detail regarding Veronika's philosophy, I'm quite surprised that Teruko's plan to end the killing game wasn't at all mentioned in the recap. I guess that'll be saved for a further chapter!

Motive Reveal Time

I don't think there's anything particularly important going on here, besides possibly drawing attention back to David being the one to point out that Arei was missing. It's possible that could still be relevant if the specifics of the BDA come up in the Trial.

Discovering Arei's Body

A couple of points on word choice in this one-- first of all, the text says "find her body," which, according to what was said on the slide before this one ("points out that Arei is missing"), should imply that they found Arei's body. However, the way that this slide is phrased allows for the very sneaky "Everyone goes to search for [Arei]. Teruko, Eden, and Whit find [J's] body hanging in the playground." Therefore, in my opinion, this part of the recap doesn't disprove swap theory, at least.

Secondly, the word DRDTdev chose was "find," not "discover." And, in this game, the BDA rule is phrased as "The Body Discovery Announcement will play when three or more people who did not witness the murder discover the body." Thus, by not directly saying that Teruko, Eden, or Whit was discovering the body here, this part of the recap also doesn't disprove the idea that Eden or Whit (or Teruko) could have done something to falsify the BDA. In fact, the BDA itself isn't mentioned at all.

"Everyone goes to search for her. Teruko, Eden, and Whit discover her body hanging in the playground, and trigger the Body Discovery Announcement."

Investigation

Absolutely nothing from the investigation makes it into the recap, likely because the investigation is an entire episode long on its own, and DRDTdev was trying to keep it quick. Not to mention, pointing out particular pieces of evidence here would really highlight what's going to be important in the Trial to come, and DRDTdev may be lowkey trying to further nudge people towards rewatching the entire investigation for themselves anyways. I think that the reconstruction of the note is probably the thing that I'm most surprised to see missing from the recap? I'll also point out that the video clips chosen for the "Investigating the Second Floor" section include Teruko and MonoTV looking up at the Gym's ceiling fans, which could be a sneaky way of drawing further attention to that setup.

Assigning Secrets

We have to go a bit later into the recap to hear about the motive secrets, and what we get is, predictably, very vague. Saying, "currently, the state of the motive secrets is like this" puts the full burden of proof onto the students to assign them correctly, with DRDTdev giving no indication here as to which are correct. Even the most highly contested assignment-- that Xander has the "the killing game is all your fault" secret as opposed to Teruko-- is still treated like fact here. Again, not a surprise, but not much to be gained.

Possibility of Suicide

The specifics of the blackened being the "most mastermind-y" person involved in the case are not included in the recap. This could imply that this rule may not be important to the outcome of this Trial.

Eden and Arturo

"Eden had Arturo's secret" also feels like a soft confirmation that that is Arturo's secret, and we won't reveal later down the line that Arturo actually had a different secret. I feel like this segment is also phrased like fact, therefore implying that Eden wasn't lying about this confrontation happening. We also get no indication as to Eden's feelings on Arei's vow, or whether them becoming friends actually happened.

"In the Trial, Eden claimed to have Arturo's secret, and that he attacked her when she revealed it. When Arei came to save her, the two of them forged a friendship."

What Ace Overheard

While not as plainly put as "it is revealed that," the phrasing "Ace reveals that" seems to support that Ace was telling the truth about overhearing this conversation, although the date on which it happened isn't reaffirmed here. Similarly, "David's secret is revealed" strongly implies that David does have the manipulator secret.

"Ace then claimed to overhear Arei and David talking about [David's] secret, and declared that David's secret was being a manipulator."

The David Reveal

(I'm going to write these ones out instead of having a screenshot because I ran out of images :,( And I'm too lazy to compress them... )

"In response, David acts aggressively and admits to being Arei's killer. Everyone nearly votes for David, but Teruko and a few others believe that David is lying. Then, Charles interrupts and reveals that he has some yet-unknown information that changes the Trial..."

To be honest, I didn't realize that "a few others" were siding with Teruko. Like, Charles for sure, and possibly Ace, given he still thinks Nico did it...? That phrase could be a hint that we'll hear more about other students who don't think that David is the blackened quickly after the plot resumes. Maybe my prediction that we're about to head into a scrum debate for 7:30 AM vs 7:30 PM will turn out to be correct...!

And, that's pretty much all I had to say... 30 images later. Look, a lot of it is images, so there wasn't actually that much analysis involved! Besides, now is the third-best time to be hyped and rambling about DRDT Chapter 2-- the top two being while the chapter is airing and just after it's finished, obviously-- so I can say as much as I want! And so can you!

If there are any particular phrasings within the recap that struck you as interesting, feel free to talk about them in the comments or a reblog! I'd love to see what other people think about this, and add my two cents (if desired).

From what it seems, the DRDT community seems to be just as excited for the return of DRDT as I am, which makes me very happy. I hope you enjoyed reading this analysis, and once again, please remember that I'm not trying to shame anyone for believing in anything that may be "disproved" by what DRDTdev said, or to fully convince them out of it before the Chapter begins. If I were DRDTdev, I would be trying to phrase things in the most vague and misleading ways possible to throw off nosy people like myself. It's also definitely possible that I read into things too far in my excitement. That's what this practice round is for, before we dive back in to the real meat of the mystery on September 6th!

Oh my god... we're actually going to dive back in to the real meat of the mystery on September 6th...

See you then!!!

[theother-will-grayson]

Well the class is over and I doubt a few years after wrap anyone is still under NDA so let me finally tell this story.

I just finished a stage combat SPT class (bear with me I'm about to drop a few fun facts but all of this is relevant info I promise) -- I was getting my certification in smallsword which for anyone not in the know is the smaller, faster, fancier son of the rapier -- the weapon of choice for dueling among nobility and the predecessor to modern day sport fencing. It was used around the time of the golden age of piracy. Think the Jack/Will fight in Pirates of the Caribbean.

Well if you hear that description, you might be like me and think "Oh like Our Flag Means Death" as well. (You have to also have a scene around the fight to get your SPT because they judge your acting as well as your technique.) So on the day we pitched scenes, I walked in and told my instructors I wanted to do the Izzy/Stede scene in Our Flag Means Death.

Instructor A gets this goofy little smirk on his face and turns to Instructor B and goes "I suppose you'll be coaching them on that one, then." (NOT a direct quote but it was something like that).

I go "Why."

A goes, "Oh because he worked on that scene."

WHAT

I never got full clarification whether he actually choreographed it or if he was just the style/technique coach but apparently he worked with Con O'neill for approximately 5 hours on smallsword technique and with Rhys Darby approximately 2 hours (because apparently Stede didn't need to be super good at it which is HORRIBLE practice for safety reasons. Like...the actor still needs to be good at it lmfao). He says he told Con that he's gonna teach him to wield a smallsword but they would undoubtedly give him a rapier because it's very common for Hollywood to just merge the two. He was like "I guess they'll explain it as he was trained in smallsword but the rapier would be whatever they could find laying around on a pirate ship which doesn't make sense because he's supposed to be this super skilled swordsman...I don't know." From what I can gather fight directors are generally perpetually tired.

Let me tell you as a fan that 5 hours SHOWS because Con definitely looks like a skilled swordsman. But half of that has to be Con himself because 5 hours is also in the grand scheme of things NOT THAT MUCH TIME especially for what I can attest to be a very difficult weapon. And also the additions this gives to Izzy's lore because he's so skilled a dueling with that weapon specifically...

Anyways if I ever get my hands on the video of me doing the scene I'll post it. Also this is not a homestuck cop story. I live in Los Angeles and all of my professors have been industry professionals. If I wasn't afraid of doxxing the guy I'd post proof. But the way my mind blew in that moment.

[bugs1nmybrain]

Random Aizawa x Reader Headcanons

Minors Don't Interact

Warning: nsfw, age gap headcanons but not every reader has to have one, implied fem reader, typos

He's actually chill

Like yes around his students he's stern but he has no reason to be with you. He's still kind of stand off-ish and grumpy but he's kind of funny

Enjoys stay in dates

Busy af but he'll figure out how to make time for you even if it's not all the time

Coffee dates, cat cafe dates, maybe a walk around the neighborhood. He enjoys those if you're going out. Nothing flashy or fancy.

He'll bond with you almost instantly if you love cats. It's a green flag for him. You will have a cat together at some point

He's actually not really rushing for any kind of marriage or major commitment. He's not a cheater and he definitely could spend years with you, it's just not in the forefront of his mine.

Isn't extremely affectionate physically but can be if you really initiate it

He actually somewhat likes watching tv shows with you but always starts dozing off. It's funny to see him trying to fight the zzzs

Doesn't have a lot of relationship experience though he's had maybe 3 or 4 serious partners

Age Gap Entry (not relevent for other headcanons)

When I say age gap I mostly mean early 20s and even up to 27ish. 18 and 19 can count.

He's a little worried of the relationship being inappropriate

But he has a good connection with you. A lot of intellectual and emotional understanding

Gets frustrated when you make irrational and naive decisions

Isn't too keen on the daddy kink thing but he is a little protective of you in that he offers common sense and wisdom.

Can get a little overstimulated by your energy but that's not entirely because of age. He's just a naturally. Is lethargic person when he isn't fighting people

You make him feel hip

Nsfw

Kind of lame 😭

Vanilla af and whenever you have sex he tends to end up tired quick

He's not that horny honestly though he does get urges. And when he manages to have sex he enjoys it a lot

Loves that feeling of release when he cums

Doesn't take him that long but sometimes it can be a bit. His average stamina is maybe 7-9 minutes.

His dick is big. About 6 and a half inches and decently thick. A bit of a shower. 4 inch flaccid.

Idk if I want to talk about balls right now but he's got them for sure

Does not shave but if you have an issue at any point he'll consider cutting down

Bondage is surely a fetish but he doesn't indulge in it that often. Likes using binding cloth but he tends to use the ones he uses least often (he has more than one)

Would be hesitant to do anal. He knows he's big. If you're male he'll kind of loosen up cuz it's sometimes a given but he'd be very realistic about it and make sure your prepped right and won't be uncomfortable

Enjoys blowjobs

Isn't a boobs or an ass guy tbh he's just a whatever looks good in the moment guy. Isn't too picky on body types. Whether you're thin or have curves or are heavier he'll appreciate you and want you

Can only cum once a day typically

He does watch porn sometimes. Especially if he's single

Lost his virginity at 20 or so

His fingers are calloused and you'll be able to tell if he fingers you. The roughness actually helps the friction between them and your clit

Rough most of the time but not in the aggressive way. He always has a habit of starting slow and deep but he ends up picking up quite a bit but it feels good

He's good at sex. It's the Scorpio in him

You're so tight for him. His girth and length make it hard for you not to be. Definitely get some needed foreplay in there cuz you'll need to be moist

Despite not liking the daddy kink, it has happened. He let it happen, too. In that moment, he didn't really care, and it was a little hot if he'll admit. But he usually cringes at it and the idea of it.

Uses condoms always unless you're using birth control such as the pill or IUD and in a long term relationship

He's so good it's unbearable. Such a hottie

[splitster]

answering ASKS

she probably needs some help from the captain on how to use a lot of things, and scrunchies are no exception...

↓ more asks under the cut!! ↓

UHH i mean... i guess it's always had a bit of darkness at the corners? pom is a monster in this au. she's a wraith. she was not born with empathy or kindness.

also, if you've been following this blog for a while, you'd know that i'm not one to shy away from topics like death or trauma or whatever. i'm not constantly shoving angsty things in the narratives i make but i'll sprinkle a little in there for fun teehee

i use "human" as a generic catch-all term for all of the alien species, like hocotatians, koppaites, giyans, whatever. mostly because i'm lazy 😭 and because actual humans or humanity will almost guaranteed never be relevant in any of the art or stories i make

i do! if anyone wants to talk to me on discord feel free to send a dm. although, and i mean this in the nicest way possible, i'm an adult and i'm only gonna share my discord with other adults

UHH i hadn't really thought about it. i'm often in that PIMIN discord server, and i got a little pom wraith section in there so i guess that'd count

if a wraith wants to eat you, it'd be a mercy for it to kill you first. being alive and having your flesh, tissue, muscles and bones fizzled away into biomass is an agonizing process. you are being eaten alive after all. hopefully the pain knocks you unconscious quickly...

AHH thank you!! you'll have to love her from a distance, because if you get too close she'll just eat you

HELP I DON'T REMEMBER WHAT THIS ASK IS IN RELATION TO AHHHH

you're welcome💖

corbin didn't have to eat anyone! he's half human, so he naturally develops a human "disguise". he visually takes after dingo quite a lot lol

please don't send me asks like this. i love ships in general and i'm a big fan of dinyon, but i dont support putting down other ships for any reason. if you really want dinyon that bad, you can wait until i draw and post some at my leisure, wait until i'm taking requests, or ask a different artist

purbl...

thanks for reading this far, and thank you everyone for the asks!!💖💖

[sseniita]

breaking generational trauma*

*pls give me a better name for this, im going insane

“She’s like me.” 

The villain stared at the child bouncing in the hero’s arms. The hero’s expression wasn’t unlike one she had when she begged for mercy on behalf of a civilian. Simpler, it was similar to when she had begged the villain to take care of her dog while she was away on a mission or when she wanted the last slice of pizza. Overall, the helplessly hopeful demeanor on the hero's face was one villain had become not only familiar with, but also weak against. 

“Hero, where did that come from? Put it back.” urged the villain, gesturing towards the bundle of blankets in her arms. 

“I can’t! I won’t!” The hero held the child closer, protectively, as if the villain was the one being irresponsible here. 

“Like you?” The villain asked, intrigued. “There is no one like you, Hero.” 

The hero readjusted the child on her hip, freeing one arm to grab paperwork rolled up in her back pocket. “That’s what I thought! Look!” She hastily handed over the crumpled up letters to the villain. It didn’t take more than reading the title for everything to click. 

“Experiment 02? You mean-?” 

“She’s from the same tests! We came from the same lab! They were going to do exactly what they did to me- to her-”

“Because of the success you were. I get it.” There was a pause between them for a second. 

The hero was godlike in some ways and machine-like in less important ways. A literal biological weapon, forged since birth. It was an experiment, you could go so far as to call it an accident. Purposeful or not, the hero was the result of a successful lab sourced super-power. It had taken many years for the hero to come to terms with how she became the hero she was, and even longer to investigate and ultimately discover who was behind all of it. Evidently, she had. 

“I can’t let them do it again.” She whispered, holding the child closely to her chest.

It was six months into knowing each other that hero confessed she didn't like being a hero. It was eight months later the villain found out why.

The villain sighed, motioning for her to walk into his apartment. Once they were comfortable on the villain’s couch, he began to ask a million questions. 

Where? A hidden lab. Why? She couldn't leave her there. Her answers we stable and much too clear of mind considering the hero had just stolen a child.

“How old is it?” He finally asked, skimming through the lab documents. 

“It's her. And about 4 months, I think. I just don’t get why they’re starting now. I never found any evidence to show they were doing anything before.” She restlessly bounced the baby. “I just don’t get it.”  

The villain raised a brow at her, she raised one back. “What do you know?” she scooted closer to the villain. 

“Superheroes are either decommissioned or retire around 50. But most lose relevance and popularity by 30. Whether it be they can’t keep their figure, or a newer, shinier thing comes around.” He scoffed. “Never ceases to amaze me” he said half-heartedly, staring down at the documents. The hero’s mouth dropped. 

“I just celebrated my 25th birthday?! You’re saying I’m old and ugly?!” The villain rolled their eyes. 

“Don’t be ridiculous, you’re perfect and probably always will be." He realized what he had just said, he quickly interrupted the hero as she was about to open her mouth. "It’s just how it goes. Once you reach 30, people aren’t as interested. It’s fucked.” The hero quickly caught on. 

“So, she’s my replacement?” 

“Seems like it. Nova, she’ll be called once she turns 15. Thankfully, tests hadn't started on her. They had her on weird ass diet to prepare her, though. You caught her in time.”

The hero was sitting close enough that the villain could peek at the baby’s sleeping face. She was so serene and had no idea what had already been laid out for her, all the pain and suffering, in the name of good. She’ll have no choice. Just like the hero. The villain often stared at the hero in the domestic settings they sometimes found themselves in. He’d imagine her on a lunch break from some normal, boring office job when they got late night coffees during the hero’s night shifts. Or at a dinner party whenever they teamed up and went undercover at some fancy party. God- he would have given anything to save his hero from the fate that was chosen for her.  The little girl had chubby cheeks and looked so dreadfully soft. Just like the hero.

Shit. The villain thought, looking at the baby. I have a chance to save you. 

  The villain sighed and leaned back, done reading the crumpled pages, discarding the documents on the coffee table, defeated, just like that. It only took 10 minutes. Maybe he had gone soft.

“Eloise. Her name is Eloise.” He exasperated.  It was heart wrenching to hear the hero start to coo at the baby. “No living family.” He hammered the last nail on his coffin. 

“Hello, little Lulu. Is that your name? Lulu? You’re so cute! Don’t worry, I’ll take care of you” She baby-talked, pecking kisses all over Eloise's forehead, evidently disturbing her sleep. “Oh sorry- sorry!” she whispered to the baby. 

She turned to the villain, eyes twinkling with hope. “I can keep her? Right?” The villain crossed his arms. 

“Hero, I’m not going to tell you what to do.” 

“Haha- that’s your way of saying you unconditionally support me.” She said as she cuddled the baby even closer. 

“Please let that child breathe, hero. You can’t hold her too close.” He reached a hand to push the baby a little further away from the hero’s chest. She beamed. “You’d be a great dad! Already keeping me in line!”

Please don’t start. 

 Despite himself, he looked for the best way to act disinterested and yet not fully close the window on that chance. 

“No hero. I know how much this means to you, but I’m not taking care of a baby. I’m not sure if you’ve forgotten- I’m a villain. This is no environment for a child- even if I wanted one. You have my approval if that’s what you’re looking for, but that’s it.” 

The hero ignored that, making a show of looking around the villain’s extremely cosy and expensive flat. Dark green wallpaper with flowers, a white brick fireplace with old books on the mantel. The place was decorated with the plushiest of carpets, and liveliest of plants. Each curtain hid a beautifully ornate window overlooking one of the safest areas in the inner city. The hero could see the hero offices which she resided in from here. Finally, her stare landed on the large spare bedroom where not only did the hero have a drawer of her things but had also spent countless nights in, recovering and playing patient to a medically trained villain. She raised her eyebrows at the villain. 

“No.” 

“Please.” 

“Hero. You are always the one saying you wanted a family. This might be your only chance- ok, I get it. But she can’t stay here. 

“I live in the dorms of the Hero Offices with 20 other heroes! I don’t and can’t have my own place! I’ll be found out for sure! There are probably a million people looking for her right now!”

“Hero-” 

“Villain please. I can’t let them find her. I need you.” She placed a hand on his thigh, seemingly not noticing the villain’s twitch. 

“Hero. I’m not a good person, you seem to forget. You cannot have that much trust in me-” 

“You are the only person I can trust. Please.” She begged. 

Perhaps the villain wasn’t the only one to blame, perhaps both of them had let this get too far. It started off normally, the fights, the one-liners, and bruises. And out of nowhere, the subtle flirting, the late night talks, the absolutely vulgar displays of emotions they’d never shared with anyone else, hit them like a brick. The hero had changed the villain’s life for the better. He no longer felt unbearably lonely and burdened, haunted by the constant terror and forcefulness of his occupation.

Villain had fallen in love months ago. And he had gotten far in distancing himself and learning to un-love. Now he had to take care of a baby with her that just happened to look like a perfect combination of both of them? His dark hair and tanned skin, her warm brown eyes and button nose. Just perfect. 

“Fine.” He squeezed his eyes shut as the hero leaned against him, setting her head right under his neck, thankfully she didn’t hurl the baby to give him a hug. Maybe I deserve kisses on my forehead for Gods’ sake. He quickly hurled that thought away. 

“Thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you!” She beamed, kicking her feet. “This means so much, you have no idea!” 

“Hero, this is temporary. If anyone finds out about this-” 

“Ya, ya, I know. Don’t worry. Everything will be ok! I’ll make sure of it!” 

The villain’s only hope was believing her. She was an atom bomb inside a 25 year old woman after all. Maybe he shouldn’t underestimate her. As she moved in towards the guestroom with Eloise, the villain watched intently, she set her down for a nap on the bed, and once she finally came out she looked determined and extremely excited. She plopped down on the couch making sure they were touching side by side so the villain could look at what she was seeing on her phone. Her fingers scrolled down a website titled ‘what to buy when you're expecting’ the villain groaned.

After an hour of the hero paraphrasing a multitude of blogs and villain jotting down notes, they had completed a list of things they needed to raise a child. The hero deflated when she mentioned how they’d have to skimp out on baby toys and clothes, but she quickly recovered after the villain reassured her money wouldn’t be an issue. Apparently villainy had its perks. 

“So what are you going to do about the corporation? Can you really make sure this won’t happen again?” The villain asked the hero from the entrance way. The hero walked over, baby in arms, the villain helped the hero get her coat back on. 

“Uh well. I maybe, sort of, accidentally, may have burned the place down…? Timidly she made eye contact with the villain who only chuckled. 

“I may have also stolen any hard drive I could have found and threw it in the river.” The villain’s laugh only continued as he put a hand on the small of her back and led her out the door. 

As they were walking to get a car seat- the first of many things on their list- the hero had asked the villain to hold Eloise while she used the lady’s room. She had been asleep when the villain got her but quickly after, she woke up. The villain immediately felt a panic and he feared she might start crying, he held her close, bouncing and hushing her to get her back to sleep. Eloise stared up at the villain for a long time before breaking into giggles, reaching her tiny arms up to touch his nose, getting the attention of the shoppers who started cooing at the handsome man rocking the baby with the loudest giggles ever.  

Right then and there, as he felt the tiniest, softest hands grab his nose, the villain knew he was completely and utterly wrapped around, not only the hero’s finger, but of these tiny fingers as well.

pt 2