#i know ppl don't mean it in a bad way but it still feels like sonadow is just the butt of the joke here
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Salty rant v2
This is basically me angrily screaming about Ford again (wow what a surprise) to a wall (myself, my rotten brain and my blog) so feel free to skip this
Fuck it I'll bite
Gf fans when you tell them Ford had every right to be mad at Stan for ruining his Project (he saw it as the only chance to prove himself and get accepted in his dream school, and even tho WE know it was an accident, Ford doesn't he thinks it was a purpose sabotage and it really doesn't help that Stan didn't told him which resulted in him making a fool of himself Infront of ppl he wanted to impress and then Stan tried to pass it off as something that didn't matter even tho it mattered so much to Ford, like of course he'd be mad everyone would be mad in his position)
Gf fans when you tell them it's not Ford's fault that Stan got kicked out it's all Filbricks fault (seriously guys, blame the fucking abusive father, not the 17 year old living in an abusive household)
Gf fans when you tell them standing up against an abusive person (especially if they're your parent) is hard to do for yourself let alone for someone else
Gf fans when you tell them Ford wasn't the "golden/favourite child" Filbrick dgaf about him and only wanted to use his intelligence for money and both Ford and Stan were abused just in different ways (seriously find a different dynamic to describe an abusive household than "golden child" and "scapegoat" I say as I put a gun in your head)
Gf fans when you tell them Ford wanting to go to college isn't egotistical
Gf fans when you tell them Ford wanting to make a name for himself doesn't make him egotistical (he literally grew up in an abusive household, and was bullied and treated like an outcast for most of his life, him seeking out validation is a trauma response not egotism)
Gf fans when you tell them if Ford is petty for correcting Stan's grammar then Stan is equally as petty for refusing to hold his hand over a thank you literally seconds ago (of course he had the right to want him to thank him and be mad, but it was the END OF THE WORLD, they are both responsible in that scene)
Gf fans when you tell them Ford isn't ignorant for being manipulated by Bill cuz 1) Bill is a master manipulator who's managed to manipulate and terrorise humanity since forever using lies/flattery/fear 2) despite having a high IQ he has a low EQ and therefore isn't able to tell if someone has ill intentions due to being....an outcast and therefore doesn't have the social skills to be able to tell others true intentions/manipulations which made him an easy victim for Bill (do u guys even know what manipulation means)
Gf fand when you tell them the reason why Ford didn't try to reach out to Stan was because he thought he was doing fine since he had seen an ad of his on tv (he had no way of knowing Stan was still homeless anymore, and you don't usually see homeless people's ads on tv), not because he didn't care
Gf fans when you tell them Ford didn't force Fiddleford to do shit for him, and that he was against the use of the memory gun and wanted him to get rid of it but Fiddleford literally erased his memories of it so he could continue using it. And that therefore Ford isn't to blame for everything that happened with the memory gun just cuz Fiddleford had bad coping mechanisms. (Seriously you all are acting as if he pointed the memory gun on his head and forced him to abandon his family and build him the portal. No!! Fiddleford made those decisions himself he could had left Gravity Falls at any moment and return to his family but no he didn't, he chosed to stay and start a fucking cult. That is on him. Not on Ford)
Gf fans when you tell them the way Ford acted during the time where he was literally being abused, manipulated and isolated by a demon is way more complex and naused than "ego! ego!".. because he was literally being abused and manipulated...
Gf fans when you tell them the reason why Ford called Stan to hide his journals wasn't because he only wanted to use him as a way to fix his mistakes but because he was literally really desperate and feared for the safety of the world and he didn't have anyone else he could trust and that he was hella traumatized due to being literally tortured both physically and phycological and sleep deprived and on the bring of insanity (of fucking course he wasn't gonna act logically and say mean shit he didn't actually mean, he was losing his mind! Stan had also said mean shit to him because he was angry but nobody talks about that)
Gf fans when you tell them Ford being mad at Stan for opening the portal is understandable, because 1) he literally ignored all the warnings that the portal could potentially destroy the whole world and 2) he was literally about to FINALLY killing Bill after 30 years of fighting for his life in the multiverse to try and find a way to
Gf fans when you tell them Ford's trust issues are completely understandable because he was literally betrayed, manipulated and abused by the "person" he trusted the most (Bill). And the other two people he trusted did something that hurt his trust on him (Fiddleford erasing his memories, Stan ruining his project)
Gf fans when you tell them Ford's and Bill's relationship isn't "toxic yaoi/messy divorce!" And that it was incredible abusive and that FORD was a victim ( average gf fan claims they "don't romantize/support the toxic ((call it abusive guys, that's literally what it is)) elements of this ship I just like to explore unhealthy dynamics in fiction:) *proceeds to make 10 posts of "he fucked the triangle!" jokes and gets mad at you if you actually point out the abuse and makes 100 aus where they get back together/stay together*
Gf fans when I tell them that I really don't care about what Alex has said about Ford being "egotistical" or "ignorant" because that's also the same guy who said he didn't intended for Pacifica to come off as a victim of abuse because controlling your child with a bell is total normal parent behaviour guys (/s). (I stopped listening to most of the stuff he said after that, not gonna lie, cuz most of the stuff he says about Ford's "ego" and "ignorance" are flat out victim blaming) ((I mean come on guys, he literally says he based Ford's and Bill's relationship off REAL LIFE toxic relationships he's seen and then he goes and says shit like how it's Ford's own "ego and ignorance" fault that he's ended up in that situation. Don't you guys think that's a bit weird))
#gravity falls#ford pines#stanford pines#okay I'm gonna be brave today and main tag this#I hope I won't regret it later#honestly the only thing I can't really defend him on is all that with dipper#but at the same time. he wasn't trying to separate them. he saw that dipper was like him and wanted to do what he thought was the best for#him.#okay he was projecting a bit with that “isn't it suffocating?” comment but at the same time#my dude's social skills had always been shitty and he literally hasn't interacted with a person in like 30 years#he wasn't fucking trying to manipulate him#something something#the way this fandom treats Stan's trauma vs Ford's trauma is so different and it makes me ick#people tend to sympathise with Stan while tone down the trauma and abuse Ford suffer because they don't see him as a victim#which is like bizarre to me I want to say that it's cuz he's not a perfect victim but neither is stan yet ppl still acknowledge his trauma#and I swear to god it wasn't as bad as this BEFORE tbob#my main theory atm is that it's the result of B1llford shippers wanting to desperately ignore the fact their ship is. in fact. abusive.#by trying to make out Ford to be this terrible selfish egomaniac monster as a way to say “look he's terrible too! they deserve eachother!”#and people acting being stupid enough to believe it (media literacy is dead nowadays)#and then stanley and fiddleford stans also started to desperately wanting to earse them of their own flaws and fucks uo to make them more#sympathetic by blaming everything on ford
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"Don't look up sonic x shadow, you'll regret it." "Imagine the shock of kids looking up the new sonic game and finding sonadow." "Go look up sonic x shadow, I promise you'll find totally normal images >:)"
What is wrong. With all of you. Why is it a gotcha? Why is it a trick to get people to find sonadow fanart? Why is it bad for kids to find art of cartoon hedgehogs gay kissing? It's 2024, have we really not moved on from the "wow aren't sonic fans freaks for gay shipping their little cartoon animals" mindset? Come on. Let's put down the homophobia now
#sorry it's just starting to rub me the wrong way#i know ppl don't mean it in a bad way but it still feels like sonadow is just the butt of the joke here#like ''how could ppl possibly ship this? isn't it weird?'' no actually it's not#sonic#sonic x shadow generations#yes putting this in main tags i am pissed off lmao#vixentalks
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again and again i find myself lamenting that audio roleplay isn't taken more seriously by some people. like yeah, they often have a romantic element, and by nature they usually directly involve/address the listener- and i totally get that those things aren't to everyone's taste. no art or entertainment is universally appealing, and that's okay! but.. it still makes me a lil sad that the "cringe" reputation of asmr/audio rp precedes it. there's a whole lot of talent and creativity being poured into these audios by so many people that i feel goes unrecognized and/or disrespected simply due to the medium that the stories are being told through.
#this post brought to you by: me bingeing Sam & Darlin's entire storyline over the past few days and having a Lot of feelings abt it#asmr#audio roleplay#rp audio stuff#redacted audio#anyways i don't have a conclusion to this post. and i'm not Mad or Upset or anything i'm just thinkin' out loud#and i mean it's not like it doesn't get plenty of praise within its respective audience bc it does. at least for the more popular creators#but i feel it'll still always have the shadow of its cringe reputation looming over it#which makes it hard for some ppl to openly appreciate or share with others that aren't already fans of the medium#like do u know how many comments i've seen along the lines of 'this is great but i'd die if anyone knew i liked this kinda stuff' ?? :(#idk maybe i feel strongly about it bc i'm a self-insert fanfic writer. and i feel like the two have a lot in common. including a bad rep.#like. not every audio will be well-written or produced and neither will every fanfic. but that doesn't mean it's a less legitimate artform#and i'm lucky to have never (yet) received negative comments on my work. but that doesn't mean that it doesn't make me sigh when people-#-say shit like 'this reads like fanfiction' as a way of calling something bad. or other similar sentiments that make the same implication#and i wouldn't be surprised if audio creators feel the same way when they encounter certain comments or statements#like. those YT videos where ppl will 'try bf asmr for the first time' or whatever and it's just 20 mins of cringing and over-reacting? eugh#tbf i haven't watched many bc why do that to myself. so Maybe there's some that are respectful but still. imagine getting roasted like that#and yes yes i know that by posting stuff online you're inadvertently sighing up to be criticized by Anyone but still. man. i dunno#i'm going on a tangent but my point is. i'm grateful for the creators that still make their art in spite of the public's perception of it#bc some of the most impactful emotional experiences i've ever gained from fiction took place in audio rp and i'm so serious abt that.#anyways. this post almost feels like i'm 'making up a person to be mad at' but i promise it's not that serious i'm just yapping. mostly.#certainly not trying to start any kind of debate or anything either i just have a lot of fixation-induced energy and nowhere to put it#this is Eric's fault (/lh) for cooking Sam up in a lab catered exactly to my taste and making Darlin' waaaaay too painfully relatable#but it's also My fault for bingeing the Inversion /and/ the Quinn arc /and/ the Summit all within a couple days. but i can't help myself#feels like i've run an emotional marathon. triathlon. The Emotional Olympics if u will. i'm feeling Everything#who knew that beating the shit out of ur fictional abuser could feel so goddamn cathartic! it's a nice replacement when u can't do it irl#anyways i'm off on a tangent again. thanks for coming to my TED Talk i'm gonna crawl back in my hole now#actually i'm gonna go relisten to a few audios. as Research for my Sam & Darlin' playlist as well as a post i'll be making about it soon#u Know i've got it bad when i not only make a playlist but start Posting on here about the songs that remind me of them. i'm cooked guys.
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I love the vocal nuance in this exchange, but also posting this for my differences posts because this is one of the changes that infuriates me the most. Yuri didn't threaten Ioder, did not threaten him with a weapon, and just said he'd punch him in a lazy, half joking voice (half joking as in, he really doesn't want to hear that - that's just his way of saying so; but that's not the voice of someone who is super angry and threatening).
My other huge grievance is that this is a recurring issue between them in the dub. Yuri is pretty much always vocally rude to Ioder. Ioder has done nothing to wrong him or anyone and has only ever done good for the people where he's able to.
Yet despite Ioder being nothing but sincere, honest and polite with Yuri, in fact even happy to see him here and there, dub Yuri is outright tonally rude to him leading right up this scene where he threatens Ioder in this dark voice. Meanwhile he's actually just supposed to be… lazily telling Ioder he'll punch him in his Yuri Lowell way of saying "I don't want to hear that".
The dub really just wanted to turn Yuri into this dark edgelord and I hate that for my goofy, silly boy.
#GTF Vesperia Clips#honestly JP Yuri talks abt punching ppl often enough that it's like... this should have been an easy tl#and like honestly wtf is with the dub having Yuri at Ioder's absolute THROAT every time they talk#I'm serious when I say dub Yuri genuinely pisses me off sometimes bc he's an asshole for NO reason#it's not cool. I'm not rooting for him. I'm rooting for someone to punch him in the face for being an ass#JP Yuri would love to do it honestly he's always up for punching ppl it's a recurring theme for /him/#I've never wanted to punch JP Yuri in the face. I've wanted to punch dub Yuri in the face multiple times#that's enough for me to recognize that the dub took more than just ''creative liberties'' with the loc#it SUCKS too bc the dub in and of itself isn't bad. I've said this before but#it really is primarily Yuri and his absolute ATTITUDE problem /and/ the way the dub treats Flynn and puts him down constantly#and unfortunately often uses Yuri to do it... when they're not having Flynn himself do it#all always in areas that never even happened originally. they just literally made it up#still not over how they had Flynn basically berate himself by saying ''like a /good knight/'' at Yormgen#the dub very clearly had a /narrative/ bias against imperial figures/knights that wasn't in the original#what was the reason to drop Sodia calling Yuri ''sir'' at Aurnion? there wasn't one!#but Sodia BaD so we can't possibly let anyone see her character development and have to hide it from dub players!#unfortunately for me the dub not being bad in and of itself truly is trumped by#its treatment of Yuri and Flynn as characters and the way the game narratively directs players#for me it really is THAT BAD that it's stronger than the rest of the dub being just fine#and it really truly honestly RUINS the entire dub for me bc I love Yuri and Flynn and hate seeing them treated like that#I mean literally the whole point of me making those text posts is bc of my love for Yuri lol#and it's so sad and hard to see dub players not get the same Yuri experience simply bc... they don't even know#a lot of people didn't even realize how different he was and like... I get loving Troy's acting#but again Troy isn't the problem here. I don't want a dub that treats my favorites the way it does#I WISH Troy could have voiced Yuri the way he really is. in some way for me it feels very lonely#bc like the casual person I pass by who knows Vesp isn't likely to have not played the dub you know??#so it's like... I wanna talk abt Yuri but we aren't even talking abt the same Yuri#nearly outta tags lol but yeah it just... makes me SO sad that they did all this to those two
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i realized how much it scares me that my mind will convince itself of even the ugliest things if i start thinking them often enough and it's... yeah. like i had a good session with my psychiatric rehabilitation therapist i think it was very useful but then at the end i got hit by this feeling of fear... like i'm so scared of myself and how low i can get
#like i convinced myself the only way to deal with my pain and my problems was to attempt suicide so people would know i was suffering#bc i wasn't able to tell them#and i really really for real believed it and i did exactly that and it's very scary to think my mind can get so twisted and believe these#distorted versions of reality or twisted ways to get what i need or all the negative things i think of myself#and like i guess this is just part of working on getting rid of these beliefs. that i'm realising just how deep in them i am and that it#scares me#but it's not a nice feeling. i'm really trying not to judge myself for it that's not useful. i'm still learning how to not judge myself#for every little thing but god it's hard i'm so used to thinking i'm too much or not enough or too emotional or too stupid or inadequate et#just every bad thing under the sun#but even trying my hardest to mantain like a non judgmental view of this issue... the fear is the hardest part rn#it's just... i don't even know who i am? and that's also something we're gonna work on and started to a little#but i don't know who i am and so i just believe abt myself whatever the situation leads me to believe. whatever my bpd leads me to believe#whatever others lead me to believe#and the last one especially is perhaps my biggest issue. i don't know myself and i don't like what “myself” currently is and i live for#other people i live to please others i do things so others will like me or at least not dislike me so i can hate myself less#and really that's no way to live. and this is something this therapist is making me realize and understand#but it's just seriously so.... scary all of this all of this realizing i'm just an empty vessel that i fill up depending on the person i'm#interacting with and that i am.. nothing. like not nothing but like nico is not a formed person. i have molded myself to other ppl's tastes#and needs and if i try to look beyond that there's just this void or at least this question mark#i don't think i have like no personality? but well i do have a personality disorder so that's fucked me up! and it's! aaaa!!#if i think about the things i have convinced myself of by sheer repeating thek to myself all the time in my dark moments...idk#and like it was manageable when the dark moments had reduced and i was relatively okay. but as soon as i got bad again... oh#it started being a constant bombardment of negative talk to myself abt myself and a constant telling myself#well pretty much that there is no worth to be found inside myself. so unless this pain somehow goes away by itself i'll kill myself#that was basically my train of thought every day multiple times a day for months and months#that is scary!!!!!!!! that is so!!!! i'm so#sorry this is a mess. i'm trying not to cry bc i'm at my parents' house and my father's around but. yeah. just lots of feelings#and again it's probably normal i mean talking about these things is good! but feelings are bound to arise and some are hard to deal with#suicide tw#sorry i forgot the tw in my being upset in the moment
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i know aging isn't the end of the world and 24 isn't that old and life isn't a race etc etc etc. however,
#i think a big reason i feel so bad abt being this age is ppl told me this is when things start to get better#and i still feel the same way i did as a teenager so. well. is it really 😐#(being on t probably isn't helping but it's been over 3 years already so... not an excuse i think)#but I'm also physically aging like the reason i barely upload selfies anymore is i see myself getting uglier every day#despite fighting for my life to at least take care of my face and hair...... can't fight the passage of time 😔#+ ofc. my (younger) friends being way more sorted out than i am on every level#again ik life isn't a race but. it can't help but hurt to know I'm still behind literally everyone i know#and my excuses for that aren't even good. bc other disabled ppl my age are also more sorted out than i am#other depressed ppl other borderlines other autistics etc etc. hell these are also my irl friends 😭#and it's dumb. bc feeling like i wasted my life isn't really pushing me to change that now. just makes me want to die even more#(bc i mean what's the point. i will never catch up. I'm still at the starting line AND i move so slow it doesn't even count)#(i don't have a single milestone ppl my age have not even finishing high school which is like. the bare minimum)#(and it sucks bc i also know i have potential i KNOW i can do shit in theory i know I'm smart and got skills. but i can't put it to use)#(and now this is turning into less of a thing abt age and just generally me talking abt how i wasted the last 24 years)#this was more of a stressed rant abt how I'm turning ugly and feeling super old but well. it all boils down to self loathing at the end 👍#vent#negative //#ask to tag#sorry for being so depressing all day oof ik i already said it before but it's been a rough couple of months#(nothing happened my brain just needs to get flushed down the toilet ^_^)#edit: i think. part of my panic about aging. is bc as a kid i was used to being the youngest everywhere#i was the youngest in my class bc i started school a year early. i was the youngest in acting school bc they don't normally accept teenagers#and in addition to that as an adult but before starting t i was always told that i LOOK young too#but now ik i look like I'm in my 20s. and it's killing me that i aged this much in so little#i wonder if shaving my beard will help but i don't wanna get misgendered 😐😐😐 and rn it's the only thing guarding me from that
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this is a very venty post don't mind me :D
that nintendo direct was so horrible.
it was literally like 80 percent remakes and remasters.
never in my life have i seen an announcement video exist just to say "every game you've ever known since the 90s is being remade/remastered, sorry, we ran out of originality".
literally like all the video game market is anymore is remakes and the movie industry is just as bad.
the nso releases are fine because they're not like, remakes taking up full game slots. they're old games that are being made accessible and that's great... but there's no need to remake this many games when they can do that. remakes used to be rare. remember stuff like the wii u shop and stuff? with all the games they had on those things? now it's a tiny selection and everything else is a remake :/
also I feel like a lot of new rpgs are just like... lowkey fe knockoffs now instead of original rpgs.
i'm happy for like... two existing remakes, but one of them is mario rpg which people wanted waaaaAAAAAYYYY before the remake and remaster era, and the other is baten kaitos which im not actually happy about remaster-wise (the updated ui is trash, they took out very specific charms of the original ui), just happy that it will get more recognition/notice from people since it was never popular.
they also completely removed the english voice acting which like okay yeah it wasn't always that great but the voices fit perfectly and it wasn't as bad as fans meme on it for! it just sounded like they were talking through a tube and that was actually the worst part of it lol.
someone suggested to me that they may have just lost the data for it, but idk. i wish they'd just admit that somehow if it was the case, because it bugs me that the english audio is just completely gone when ultimately i really liked it. i wanted the game to be accessible to newer players, sure, but i also wanted the english audio there. ig that's because i grew up with it and i liked it, but it's still such a bummer for me!
paper mario being put on the nso and tyd getting a whole remaster does make me sad tho bc it feels like they're leaving the original in the dust when it was so good. if you're gonna do tyd, at least do them both.
good for innersloth though, i'm sure they never imagined being on a nintendo direct. they're the real winners here.
#DCB Comments#the FE fandom is just as bad too. every single solitary direct that comes up they're like#OMG FE4 REMAKE. like ??? I used to be just annoyed but#now I'm just feeling the “shut the actual fuck up” mood bc it's ALL they care about for FE anymore#nobody wants new FE games. they're just obsessed with the idea of remakes#it's more annoying bc it's all the majority of the FE fandom talks abt anymore#also does anyone even know if games on the NSO ever get a remake or if originals of remakes go onto NSO?#wondering bc I don't think I've seen a game on NSO get a remake or vice versa#like I was always wondering if Mario RPG would be on the NSO but it never was and now it has a remake coming#since FE4 6 and 7 are on the NSO I can't see why they would be if remakes were coming#also if they're in the process of making a new console do y'all still think they'll release Gamecube on the NSO?#idk if they'd release PoR on it since they'd prob remaster that one (I don't want a remake for it but remaster might be nice if they#update the map graphics and stuff) since it would net them way more money to release the game as a standalone but if they#did put it on NSO I'd really love that. I get up I play PoR. I lay down I PoR. I go in the car I play PoR (I don't drive lol)#but anyway yeah I'm just tired of every single Direct having FE fans being annoying as fuck#also ppl were apparently legit like omg the new banner coming means fe4 remake will be on the direct#oh my goooooddddd stfu at this point I just don't want it remade bc i am 💅 p e t t y 💅 bc ppl are so annoying abt this#when a leak for a new game came out (engage) from a very reputable source ppl knocked it and called it ''obviously fake''#(the joke is now not just ON them but IS them) but then when they got a ''leak'' abt an fe4 remake they ate it up#like wow lol. wow. they won't believe anything unless you say fe4 remake then suddenly they believe anything you say abt that alone#it's rly sad that my favorite game has become a cesspool of annoying fe fans#the thing is fe doesn't come out with a whole lot of remakes. it never has#it's just that when gaiden got a remake ppl have NOT shut the fuck up ever since#and I've seen ppl saying every game under the sun should be remade#frankly if they remake anything right now it should be poor fucking shadow dragon (yes. the remake.)#anyway most of y'all know how annoyed i get abt this lol like yeah maybe someday fe4 could get remade but#it's the fact that the modern day fans are SO fucking annoying about it now. back ten or so years ago fe4 fans were just happy TO play it#we were just happy to have it at all even in emulated form and it being an snes game#we loved it as it was and didn't bitch about it bc it wasn't uwu modern enough (and i've played casual mode since new mystery)#now ppl are just like oh i like it but i don't want to play it unless it's remade
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"hey HEY what do you have in your mouth!!! sit SIT. SPIT IT OUT GIVE IT—" but instead of talking to a dog it's me about my parents using the word overstimulated as nothing but another way to make fun of our anxious traumatized dog for doing things they find inconvenient or unreasonable or illogical (and, by extension, everyone who uses the term for legitimate reasons). (WHAT IS WRONG WITH THEM!!!!!!!!!! AND ALSO WHERE THE FUCK DID THEY HEAR IT BECAUSE I DON'T USE IT AROUND THEM On Purpose BECAUSE I KNOW THEY'D BE ANNOYING ABOUT IT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!)
#cannot stress enough that they are ill informed. they do not know what they're talking about and would not accept it if i told them#they're not accomodating to sensory needs and do not fucking know the context of capital o Overstimulation in regards to like. ppl with#sensory difficulties. like. c'mon man. if i told you i was overstimulated you'd tell me it wasn't that bad and i should just sit still and#shut up. but suddenly it's fine when you're making jokes about??? completely unrelated things??? i mean. dogs can probably be#overstimulated. i think everyone can in kind of a general sense. but they act like her getting up from the couch or smth is some frantic#strange action. they're super fucking weird about her actually they'll like. tease(?) her about how needy and pathetic and unloved she is#and how 'traumatized' she is and how that makes her act in ways that bother them in kind of an eye roll-y way which like.#SHE *IS* TRAUMATIZED. WE'VE ESTABLISHED THAT SHE HAS REASON TO ACT LIKE THIS#like 'haha she's soooo afraid we'll abandon her she's so ridiculous' what like how she was ditched as a puppy and lived on the streets for#like a year? you don't think that could've affected her at all#fucking psych major bullshit ass. 'formative experiences actually don't affect you lol' go fuck yourself#im not saying you can't tease your pets but they're treating her like her anxiety and even basic affection seeking is some huge burden#when it's absolutely not. they just want to be mean to her because they don't want her to act that way and don't care about how she feels#because they think they know better and she has no immediate reason to feel that way. god i wonder if THAT has any relevance to how they#raised their children. christ on a cracker man what the fuck#how to create an environment where your children feel safe expressing their problems (a goal they supposedly have):#1) not whatever this shit is. what the fuck is wrong with you#look maybe it doesn't sound that bad but it's been going on for years and it's been pissing me off for years. they're so cruel and for what#it's such a double standard. our other (male) dog seeks affection about as often and they don't ever make fun of him for it#and they've gotten more and more entitled about her showing affection. like it's commanded now. it's gross to me okay i don't like it#she's a sweet and kind and loving girl and i don't get why they feel the need to act like her wanting their love is so horrible when they#literally want that from her and scold her when she doesn't do it#this general attitude that ppl are over exaggerating their trauma or their feelings or their needs/wants/boundaries is so pervasive w them#that complete disregard for/invalidation of how others feel if you can't personally relate to or understand it. the mockery and cruelty#they wouldn't do it if she could understand them. i think they just like having that power over smth small that loves them#so *i* have to be like 'ohhh i love u ur so good!! im so happy ur here' to her to balance it and then thats also seen as ridiculous. wtf#skrunks' parents be considerate and introspective to ppl without risk of rejection if unkind & also don't be ableist challenge (impossible)#they will call low/no empathy ppl frightening monsters and then do this shit. empathy is not necessary for kindness and frankly if that's#your only reason to care about the wellbeing of others i think that's worse. bitch IM low empathy. at least i give a shit#im so glad my mom didnt puruse psychology after her bachelor's she woulda hurt so many people. or maybe she'd be better idk. fucks sake
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#so today i broke down and fully cried over realizing the reality that i probably won't be able to go see Taylor on this tour#and i felt so stupid for it like crying over not getting to see a concert seems so trivial and i mean so many reasons but like#and like i don't cry much anymore like I've been through and am in so much pain and horrible stuff constantly and so much stress and trauma#but I've built up strength to not cry over those things like if i did I'd just be crying nonstop so i channel my emotions into trying to#solve the problems and like still I'm so unbelievably stressed but like also as an empath i feel everything really deeply but usually lately#the things that make me cry are more like sweet animal rescue videos acts of kindness touching stories or really deeply inspirational or#relatable things in books etc but so like I'm like mad at myself for crying over this but#i checked the stubhub like prices for what tix are going for and it's fucking over 500 a pop for nosebleeds i just#it's infuriating the scalping and how many hard core fans are unable to go bc of that but rich ppl who aren't really fans i just. 1000 bucks#for 300 level is just no I'm sorry that's not ever gonna happen and i just#i really thought I'd just find tickets over time closer to the event like that's how I've done several concerts but then i looked and saw#that and I'm like oh my god and that's before fees and then there's the gas to get there the repairs that need to be done to the car to get#there all the other fees involved and in realizing oh my god like I've been overconfident and now i don't see a way and I'm so sad and i#just broke down its i know iy seems stupid but first this feels like something that might not happen again anytime soon if ever the way the#world is going out could be last chance and rep tour was the first time I'd been able to see Taylor to begin with and the experience was SO#amazing it's like the one thing i looked forward to this year that lifted me up in really dark times and again i feel shitty when there's so#many fans who never get to see her international too i just. I'm sorry I'm just like this breaks my heart on levels and like#i hate how money dictates everything i hate that i went to eds last tour tickets in the same venue were 30 DOLLARS and even the Taylor ones#i think were like 75 and now it's so high bc only scalping it's so fucked up and like I'm already in a really bad hole money wise bc of#an emergency issue that happened and I've got some scary medical things going on waiting on tests and having trouble with rent and food and#gas so like i can't even try to be like. you know? like justify trying to save up that much even when i got all this#i just.
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once again can't sleep because I'm out of real weed and alcohol just makes me cry about my ex best friend if im not distracted enough
#and then i cry until im just sober and suicidal#i love it when i have these episodes i like to call 'the world is ending' moments#which is literally just weeks at a time where everything that makes me upset feels apocalyptically intense#like normally when i think ab nick lately it's just 'man i wish things hadn't gone that way' but rn it's like#dear god thinking about him reminds me of every time he was ever kind to me and then i remember every time he was a massive dick to me#and now my chest hurts and 'the world is ending' bc i remembered that time he went with all of his friends to see a movie except me#and it stings bc i remember when the trailers came out we talked ab how bad we both wanted to see it#they wore costumes and everything so i spent a week watching him and our other friend/roommate make outfits for it#and they never once asked if i wanted to go. and i didn't say anything bc they were going with ppl i didn't know very well#and i didn't want to 'invite myself'. in hindsight that was dumb bc we literally lived together and were friends but whatever#and this is like. every night for a week now that i go down a spiral of every reason i should hate him interlaced with every reason i don't#i don't want to think about him anymore i don't understand why i can't just let go. im getting angry at myself atp#like he's irrelevant to my life now there's no reason these things should still bother me this much#and he was like. almost comically harsh towards me when i asked him why he stopped talking to me. like looking back i still feel insulted#and irritated by the way he acted when i literally just told him that i was really upset and didn't understand why he abandoned me#didn't mean to write an essay mb I'm still a bit buzzed
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Hate that my insurance is now not wanting to pay for one of my inhalers bc it's not for emergencies and it's for maintenance like what do you mean
#if you have to v take albuterol more then once a week doctors tell you it means ur athsma is not well managed and you need a maintenance med#and i take that AND the albuterol DAILY STILL#like motherfuckers when i say i cannot breathe well#i mean i contemplate going to the er MULTIPLE TIMES A WEEK#because i cannot fucking breathe#i maybe have 1 or 2 good breathing days#text#insurance ppl make my eyes twitch bc what do you mean i don't need this medication#like ppl with asthma should not be having to have active medical emergencies on a regular basis to be taken seriously#it shouldn't get that far do they not know how harmful that is to the lungs? it will permanently damage the way we breathe#if not treated correctly#not to mention is very harmful and stressful on the heart as well#not having enough oxygen. constantly going into tachycardia because thats what albuterol does.#like WHY#i should be able to climb stairs without feeling like I'm fighting for my life#i should be able to go to the grocery store without feeding like I'm running a 10k marathon#i should he able to go to my family get together and not having to a BUST OUT THE NEBULIZER IN FRONT OF EVERYBODY#I'm getting frustrated#it was so incredibly hard to breathe today my chest was hurting so bad and all i was doing was sitting & talking to ppl#ugh and just a few months ago i was running in the Dallas Airport with my best friend trying to catch our next flight on time#i couldn't fathom that right now. i simply wouldn't be able to do it :(
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Congrats on sending that application!
THANK UUUUUU
#it was to a dominos and my partner is a gm in training at a different branch and i have over a year delivery driving experience#already and know Exactly How Low Their Standards Are so im not worried about getting it‚ mostly just that my brain will still be too mushy#to handle a job again#but i mean since it is just dominos and im only aiming for part time it hopefully shouldn't be too bad#and i do not care if they don't like me bc my resumes already pretty good as is i don't need a glowing review from dominos#esp bc i could just put my bf down as a dominos reference and theyd probably just Assume i worked for him and call him#instead of the store i actually worked at KWNDLABFKSBFJD#which is v good bc having seen a lot of what goes on behind the scenes on the manager side via my bf. i already know i am#going to cause problems LMAO#i have the Transgender Working In Very Liberal Area Right Next To Very Conservative Area Protection Aura#wherein the bosses here are So Very Scared of getting in trouble for bigotry and want to look sososososo woke. that i can get away#with being way more blunt abt when shit sucks lol#bosses don't really know what to do when The One Openly Transgender One directly calls out unfair expectations to their face#and to be clear i do mean liberal as in Liberal we're still very much in the North Idaho Splash Zone so like#open bigotry doesnt happen and the public will be on your side if it does. but boy do they know actually nothing about it#you know the type i mean kwbfksbfkd#like the best example i can think of is a couple ppl at my last job still she/her'd me long after i started passing as male#and me Being A Transgender™ had made the news rounds#and my other coworkers wouldnt correct them and would just he/him and they/them me back#which im fine w bc thats how my pronouns work is just. idk whatever you think‚ if you wanna she me you can just look dumb LMAO#but crucially 99% of my coworkers Didnt know thats how that worked‚ they just knew im A Transgender and look like a man#and that everyone else didn't use she/her for me anymore‚ so like an actually left place would rightly assume#they were doing it deliberately to be shitty and correct them‚ whereas here theyre just like. ah im sure they just havent noticed#since you went by she/her when you started here#and its like no i dont think the beard i grew halfway through working there went unnoticed actually#given that Thats When The Universal He Himming Started#im rambling again sorry for this word avalanche irt a simple congrats i got distracted JEBFKABFKSBFKDBFMD#anyways. tyvm it was stressful and i still dont want to do it but its out of my hands now so i have to follow through and at least give it#a try and i appreciate the encouragement‚ it rlly did make me feel a lot better just seeing the ask#gibberasks
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when i accidentally don't mask in public and feel a little bit less anxious but at the same time i fell kinda judged bc I don't understand people's tones and colocations and without masking i can't hide this fact and then i go back into feeling anxious again
#personal#life stuff#day to day stuff#like i fail to understand something a friend said to me and the second time she straight up said “i know you idiot”#and i know I don't have to feel bad bc at this point i get that ppl say it not in a necessarily mean way but still#i kinda felt like a piece of shit#masking#unmasking
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sometimes I find out ppl I used to follow on this webbed site on my old account are still here too and I'm like 'idk what to do with this information but i feel a way abt it'
#not bad lol these were old mutuals#and when I say old I mean OLD like.... decade ago for some#and it's like idk seeing someone you went to grade school with at the grocery store#anyway it's wild and it's weird but not in a bad way? but I'm also like this is weird that I remember the URLS right?#this is weird that I know this person but I don't cause I know them through the internet only#this is weird that they're still on here and we're all different ppl now but also we aren't and idk I just feel weird rn lmao#like part of me wishes I could like wave from afar like... do you recall me at all? we were kinda internet friendsly#idk just feels very.... strange. esp to think abt how long i've actaully been on here 😔#erin explains it all
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i honestly personally dont care too much about the whole "coparenting" debate but like i do feel like it sets apart people who DID watch the show and actually paid attention to what was on their screens and the people who didnt watch more than S7 or clearly just never retained any information the show gave us because...
Didnt Buck take care of Chris basically the entire time Eddie was in the hospital after the gunshot? am i hallucinating? like didnt we get this dad ass montage of Buck taking care of Christopher while Eddie was in the hospital? So wouldnt that mean that yes he has cooked for chris he has cleaned for chris he took christopher to school he would have to know christophers allergies because he was HIS CARETAKER!
but lets just ignore that part wasn't there a joke where they were at a call and the dad was like "you're always making me the bad cop!" and chim goes "can't you both be the good cop?" and both eddie and buck say "no." Clearly showing that buck isnt just a funtime uncle like yall are saying cus if he was wouldn't he not have to be the bad cop?
Also Eddie wrote him into his WILL! yall can say "oh you guys don't understand how this works and blah blah" all you want but the fact of the matter is he chose that man over his FAMILY... it's not like pepa and isabel were anything like his mother and father and yet he still left Chris to Buck. Buck lost that mans child in a natural disaster and he STILL left him in his care the next day. He even looks that man in the eyes and COMPARES Buck and christophers relationship to his and christophers. like guys please..
i think there is definitely something to be said about how sometimes Buck gets more praise for the things he does with Christopher or ppl almost pushing Eddie to the side of his own family but the way to combat that isnt acting like you can't see what is quite literally in ur face being shown on screen😭
#911 abc#911 fox#eddie diaz#buddie#evan buckley#911#like please that boy is his SON#and yall can try to pull the ppl forget eddie is his REAL dad' card all you want#like okay buck is the stepdad then?#buck isnt a stepdad.. he's the dad who stepped up#but no like do u guys think buck paralelling shannon is just for haha funtimes? NO!
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You know what's sick as hell about the design of the Briar Senates??? It's that their design mirrors the weapon of the Draconias 😭✨
I know they're getting flak rn bcs they feel like "boomers who's against any progress because they value toxic tradition" but i don't really think they're like... entirely evil lol or the root of every bad thing that happened in Malleus'/Lilia's life (though im side eyeing them as one of the perpetrators still lol)
Tbh, removing them would also cause more harm (just some social issues inside the fae society tbh) than good imo, (I know many ppl say this bcs they think removing the Senates would make it possible for the peace between human and faes, but the thing is, the Senates aren't the only group that thinks this way, almost the entirety of Briar Valley does lol so forcibly removing them now would only come off as "Malleus forcing "human ideals" on the faes just because he has spent 4 years with the humans"(plus is the understanding between humans and faes truly achieved if you try to silence one group(even if that group is kinda disagreeable with anything human related lol), plus realistically the faes would trust their fellow faes first rather than some humans,
so for me, Briar Senates doesn't give off the vibe of toxic old people who drags others down in their toxic practices (while that can be an accurate description i feel like it generalizes too much about their behaviour), rather than that, Briar Senates feels more like thorns, like thorns that surrounds Briar Valley, they're not exactly harmful unless you go against them, but ultimately they're still protection for Briar Valley.
Which makes it fitting that their design has a similarity with the Draconia's weapon, they're the thorns that protects the Draconias, even if it means sheltering them.
And, tbh, if the Senates other job is to ensure Draconias lives, they're kinda doing a "decent job"??? If we can assume through Maleficia's (and Malleus' case), since we didnt hear about her leaving the Senate's side, she managed to survive for so long, unlike Meleanor😭 Also could explain why they're so enraged when Lilia arrived with the news that Meleanor died and why they hated the weak bcs what would weakness could protect JJDSJD Kinda wish their hatred against Lilia wasnt that he was a weak bat fae, but rather they doubled down on the fact he failed protecting Meleanor, imagine if Gen. Lilia wasnt as great in magic as the fae nobles were, yet he still managed to earn a position beside the Princess, all that hard work only to fail at the most crucial time, it wouldve make sense in the Senates' side to say, "Meleanor shouldnt have appointed him" (because "he's weak from the start")
oh additionally, this is just my assumption, bcs I felt like the way the Senates recoiled when Lilia hatched the egg was kinda... random?? so this is my made up reason lol Remember, the Senates were adamant that Maleficia should only be the one to hatch the egg because she's a Draconia, but Lilia did it and he's not a Draconia, What if because Lilia hatched the egg, it also affected the development of Malleus?? Like maybe for instance, it affected Malleus' lifespan, maybe he still lives more than one thousand years but he won't live for another thousand years like a pure Draconia because he's been hatched by Lilia as opposed to who they wanted it to be, which is Maleficia, OF COURSE Lilia hatching the egg is heaps better than Malleus dying before being born, but this is just my auto thoughts regarding the random hate reaction the Senates did when Lilia hatched Malleus lol
Interestingly, the placement of the stone of Draconia against the thorns (of the Senates) can also be hinted at their relationship with them??? In Meleanor's case, her stone is on top of the thorns, which may indicate that she's not under the Senate's commands or that its just telling she just lived distantly from the Senates, most importantly her stone is bigger than the thorns which may tell the fact that the Senates worships her because she's powerful and greater than them, and she's not someone who can be trapped/ordered around within the Senates. But, tragically, in Malleus' case, his stone is under the thorns, like its telling that he's under the Senates protection at all cost and his stone is little compared to Meleanor's because he's still young.
I also have a theory that the Senates are part of Briar Valley's land, like its been canonically said that they're the dead faes of Briarland, which makes think that their death is similar to the death of Conall from Maleficent 2, when Conall was buried, his body literally morphed to the land, which makes me think this is how the Senates used to be buried, when they die, they become one with the land, that's why you can't just remove them, when they are literally the Lands of Briar Valley,,,, get it lol
Though this is making me think that if this is the case then Maleficia's city,,, if the Senate's presence are the strongest there bcs that's where they're nearly buried, does that mean around Black Scale Castle is just lowkey a graveyard.... Is that why Halloween is special for Briar Valley bcs they have close ties/respect for the dead and Halloween is essentially about honoring the dead 😭✨
Off topic, but maybe the thorns part of the Draconia's staff may also tell about their age. Notice how Meleanor's staff has 3 twists which may tell that she's atleast 300~ years old, (if each twists signifies a century), while Malleus' staff only has one twist on its thorns which is accurate considering he's only 178 years old (one century).
If this is true, I'm kinda curious about Maleficia's staff... does that mean hers will be convered in thorns (she needs at least 7 twists (7 centuries~ and more) there on her staff 😭✨)
#twst#twisted wonderland#disney twisted wonderland#twistedwonderland#malleus draconia#disney twst#twst malleus#lilia vanrouge#lian notes#twst malleus draconia#twst maleanor#twst maleficia#twst diasomnia#twst headcanons#twst theory#maleficia draconia#meleanor draconia#maleanor draconia#twst meleanor#briar valley senates#twst theories#twst wonderland#i love you bitter old people (senates) they deserve the worst <3#(by worst i mean them experiencing the good side of humanity and reflect about how awful their#generalizing on them have been lol)#overthinking about briar valley politics again at 1am#even though i knowww full well TWST would never expand on the Senates' morality deeply like this lol
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