#i know it's new year and not christmas but for GODS SAKE THIS SONG FITS PERFECTLY

[deadlycupid]

all I’ve been dreaming of - taod modern au

a little heads up this is just a silly little idea I had in 2021 it’s in no way canon and just for the sake of this au and for the laughs

Tommy sat on his canopy bed, with one hand he was patting his black cat and with the other he scrolled through social media. His head bounced to the beat of the music. All in all he was very content with how the day played out. Later his boyfriend would visit him and they most likely would watch some movies until midnight and then Tommy would convince him to stay over for the night. So he couldn’t be happier.

That was until he heard the knocking on his door.

“Young Master, your mother awaits you in the dining room.”, George, David’s dad and housekeeper of Tommy’s family, said through the door. “Someone on the phone would like to talk to you.”

That was most likely his grandma. She usually called on the weekend to tell them “important information”.

That important information was usually how the weather was, what her neighbours did all week long and asking Tommy about his “little sweetheart”.

Who was also known as Nico, his boyfriend, who was anything but a little sweetheart. Yes, he was shorter than Tommy, but he was fierce. So little devil would have fitted him better but Tommy couldn’t tell that his grandma. Also Tommy highly doubted that she would call Nico a little devil. Though he had to admit that it would be funny.

“Thank you, George.”, Tommy answered and scratched Toska behind his ear once more, the place he liked it the most. Toska purred blissfully and rolled onto his back to straighten his legs. Then he sleepily yawned. Toska looked so cute, it almost made Tommy’s heart burst.

“I’ll be cuddling you even more when I’m back my cute monster bat.”, Tommy promised and got off of his bed. When he reached the door Toska meowed as if he was asking where Tommy was going.

“Don’t be sad. I’ll be back as soon as possible.”

In the dining room Tommy’s mother sat on the gigantic mahagoni table and listened to the person on the other side of the phone. Tommy cleared his throat to signal his mother that he was present. She looked up, her lips curled into a soft smile.

“Oh, Grace! Tommy just came down. I’m sure you want to talk to him”, Roxana said and held the phone in Tommy’s direction.

That was when Tommy realized who had called. It was his distant aunt from England, who Tommy had visited some years ago. His mood peaked immediately.

Aunt Grace was cool. She might be a Lady but she was also the kind of person to listen to Christmas songs in august, talk to her plants and watch anime until 1 am. She had taught Tommy a lot of things in that one year and showed him all the best places in England.

“Hello, Aunt Grace.”, Tommy said immediately switching to a British accent. That was one of the things he had learned or rather he had copied.

“Oh, Tommy! My boy, how are you doing? Are you still together with Nico? And how is David? You have to tell me everything?”

Tommy couldn’t help but laugh.

“Always one thing at the time. I’m fine. Yes, Nico and I are still together. We are actually meeting today. And David is doing fine, too.”, Tommy answered.

“That’s good to hear. I just talked with your mom about boring stuff. You know how she is. A lovely woman but always so concerned about everything.”

Tommy nodded his head even though Aunt Grace couldn’t see him. That might not have been the exact words he would use to describe his mother, but it was true.

For her the world could end any second. But Roxana was more than that and Tommy got to see those rare moments, thankfully. He wondered if being a lawyer made her this paranoid. Or if it was simply his mom’s personality.

“Anyway, we were just talking about you and if you would like to visit me this summer. How does that sound? I already told Roxana that you would love to come!“

“Oh my god! Are you joking? Of course I would like to visit you!” Tommy had never heard any better news. This day just kept getting better.

His mother smiled as she got up from the chair. “I’ll leave you two alone then,” she excused herself and left the room, probably going back to her office, looking over some of her case files.

It didn’t really matter because Tommy was already caught up in the wild stories his aunt told him. Half of the time he wasn’t sure if the things she told him actually happened but then again he didn’t care. It was always a lot of fun listening to the stories she told, so who cared if they weren’t real.

Time flew by so fast that he only got reminded that he had other plans when George knocked on the door and opened it.

“Young Master,” George informed him. “Nico has arrived.”

Nico slowly entered the room. He wore a black t-shirt with skulls over a red shirt and his long black hair was pulled back under a cap that he wore backwards. He shyly waved and Tommy couldn’t help but smile.

“Uhm aunt grace, Nico just arrived.” Nico’s eyes wides when he heard Tommy speak. “I’ll call back later, okay?”

Tommy’s British accent crumbled. Suddenly he was super aware of his voice.

“Oh, marvellous! Oh, I know, you can bring Nico with you this summer. I would love to meet your lover boy”, Aunt Grace exclaimed excitedly.

“Eh, yes, I’ll make sure to ask him.”

Tommy shrugged his shoulder in a what he hope apologizing way towards Nico, who just shook his head.

“I’m waiting in your room,” Nico mouthed and left the room. The big smile on his face didn’t escape Tommy. And he couldn’t stop wondering what made Nico so happy.

“We could order pizza and act like vampires on the phone. Oh, oh I know a location where I have to take you two! Nico will love it.“

Was she already planning their summer together?

“Sure. Uhm but I have to ask Nico first.“

This was already Tommy’s second attempt to politely end the phone call, but it seemed like his aunt didn’t understand the hint.

“Of course! Oh young love! What a bittersweet feeling! Take good care of it. You can lose it so easily. I once was in love with this-”

“I know, you told me that story already. You fell in love with this beautiful woman, who left you for a man and her duties.“

Tommy had to reach for drastic manners, his mother would be outraged if she knew how Tommy spoke to his aunt.

“Ah, I’m stopping you from snogging with your boy, aren’t I? Then go, Tommy. But don’t forget to ask him and call me back.“

Tommy’s cheeks burned up upon hearing what Garde said.

“Yeah, I will. Goodbye.”

“Bye, Tommy! Love you!”

He said love you back but all he could hear from the speakers were the steady tut tut.

He laid the phone back down on the table and took a few deep breaths. Then he hurried through the corridors and stairwells back to his room.

When he opened the door his eyes instantly spotted Nico and Toska curled up next to each other on his bed cuddling.

“So you found someone else to cuddle with, huh”, Tommy said, not sure who his comment was meant for. Because honestly he wasn’t sure of whom he was more jealous right now.

Nico looked up and his cap fell off his head and onto the bed. His hair was a mess but all Tommy wanted to do was to mess it up even more, to run his hands through Nico’s hair and to curl it around his fingers.

“So uhm when were you going to tell me that you can speak with a British accent?” Nico asked with a smirk on his face.

Tommy frowned.

“Never,” he stated but even he could tell that it sounded more like a question.

Tommy wasn’t sure if Nico liked the accent or if he was going to make fun of him. He couldn’t read his body language, not like he usual could and that made him cautious.

“God, Tommy! You’re going to be the death of me!”

“I’d rather not have you die on me.”

Nico breathed in and shook his head.

“Just come here, before I lose my composure.”

Nico patted the space next to him on the bed as if it was his own. Cautiously Tommy crawled onto his bed and laid next to Nico. The later gently placed a hand on his arm and patted it lightly. Their heads laid next to each other and Tommy tuned to his side to face Nico. For a while neither of them said anything. They both embraced the comfortable and reassuring silence.

Eventually Toska would get up, disappointed that he wasn’t given any attention anymore, and lay down on the window sill where the sun tickled through the clouds and heated up the ground.

Nico moved his hand from Tommy’s arm to his face and in return Tommy placed his hand on Nico’s waist. It wasn’t Nico who initiated the kiss but he was the one who started trailing kisses along Tommy’s jaw up to his ear.

“You sound so hot when you speak with an accent,” Nico whispered into his ears. And Tommy swore that he had die then and there.

“Oh my! Nico! Stop, this is embarrassing!”

Tommy’s face was burning when he shoved Nico away from him but still held onto his shoulders.

“I’m sorry”, Nico softly spoke.

“But I think you should know, that it’s the truth.”

“I just can’t believe you just said that!”

“And I can’t believe that you kept that secret from me for so long! I can’t believe I was imagining you talking to me with a British accent when I could have had the original talk with one all the time. You were being really unfair.”

“Wait, you imagined me speaking to you with a British accent?” Tommy smirked, switching to his accent: “Was it turning you on, darling?”

Now it was Nico’s face that glowed bright red.

Oh, how the tables have turned.

Nico couldn’t escape Tommy’s eyes so he just stared back.

“And if it was so?”

Tommy rose his eyebrows and smirked. When he leaned back up to kiss Nico’s jaw, soft giggles escaped Nico’s lips. It was a sound so unusual and free that Tommy’s heart melted.

Nico rolled onto his back and pulled Tommy with him.

Tommy slowly worked his way up, kissed Nico’s cheek, every single one of his freckles and then lastly the tip of his nose.

“Stop, you’re literally going to kill me if you continue being so soft with me.” Nico hummed, his hand running through Tommy’s curls.

“Not going to happen.” Tommy said and kissed his boyfriend on the lips once more, softly and with all his love. Then he pulled away and laid back down again.

His hand found its way back to Nico’s waist where he traced mindless patterns into the fabric of his shirt.

“Would you like to come with me to England this summer?” Tommy asked, then focused onto Nico’s black eyes. They widened slightly when he mentioned England.

“Before you freak out, my aunt invited you. She really wants to meet you.”

Nico closed his eyes shortly and smiled.

“I would love to, Tommy. I really do.”

“But?”

“No, but. I’m just imagining you talking with your British accent all summer long.”

Tommy couldn’t help but laugh at that. “Oh, would you shut up about it already.”

Then suddenly Nico got up on his elbow, face close to Tommy’s, his long hair tickling his cheek. Nico bit his lip, a habit to hide his smile, that Tommy hated, but somehow still adored.

“Never.” Nico whispered, then he kissed him again.

taglist

@writerfae @writing-is-a-martial-art @conundruminprogress @dontcrywrite @sleepy-night-child @bluehourskyeli @dragon-with-a-pen @avian-writes @starlightwhisper @poetinprose

[pastorsperspective]

A Quick Lesson on Rest

Welcome to the New Year! We’ve had a little break from the blog and now we’re back! This week’s sermon was titled: The Emotions of Life: Tiredness. If you weren’t with us, you can watch it here: https://fb.watch/i1BGhN9sRM/

I was really excited about this sermon series when I saw what was coming up. How appropriate for the end of the hectic Christmas season! I’d like to start with a thought that was shared with me from an online viewer. This person expressed that we hear the sermon about how God was made flesh through His son, Jesus, over and over again, but no one ever expands on that to the extent of expressing that, yes, Jesus got tired. He got sad, happy, probably overwhelmed, even angry. We have examples of them everywhere in the Bible and yet, though it’s better than in generations past, society still frowns on taking the time to rest. Another congregation member expressed to me that they left the service knowing that it is OK to be tired and take a rest. I think that’s really important that we internalize and know that. What are some other examples of Jesus resting in the Bible?

The one I think of is Jesus resting in the boat with the disciples during the storm. Again, we see Jesus resting while those around him aren't. I LOVE it! When Jesus needs to rest, he rests!

I think the goal for most Christians is to be as much like Jesus as we can realistically be. Often, we say in jest that we want to be like Jesus and hang out with sinners, tax collectors, and prostitutes. It’s a common Christian joke that just really means that we don’t want to turn people away, we want to build relationships and love on them where they are. A new one that I’ve seen in the last couple of years gaining some traction is the phrase, “Be like Jesus, Take naps.” We hear that and we chuckle and then keep running the race at breakneck speeds. Why do you think we can't convince ourselves to slow down when we need to?

I think society has a LOT to with this. When our definition of success is to fit in all that we can for as long as we can! So resting is counterproductive and unsuccessful in that regard.

How do we help to change the view of society at large that it’s selfish, or lazy, to take time to rest and to even enjoy your down time?

I think we lift up the importance of rest and how much rest means to us and does for us. The more we can advocate that rest is good, and we actually get more done rested than working on empty, the best chance we have. But at the end of the day its personal, it’s not about changing the worlds’ view but changing our view in spite of what the world believes or says is right. It’s about making a conscious decision for me in my life and taking care of myself and whatever the rest of the world wants to do is their choice. 

I think that’s an excellent mindset! And in the spirit of that, here is where this blog ends! It has been a long week and I am choosing to forgo a lengthier discussion for the sake of getting home to rest! Have a wonderful weekend, readers. I leave you with this, a favorite poem from a book of poetry given to me by my grandmother.

Hymn 47

Retirement

By William Cowper

Far from the World, O Lord I flee,

From strife, and tumult far,

From scenes, where Satan wages still

His most successful war.

The calm retreat, the silent shade,

With prayer, and praise agree;

And seem, by thy sweet bounty made,

For those, who follow Thee.

There, if thy Spirit touch the Soul,

And grace her mean abode;

O with what peace, and joy, and love,

She communes with her God!

There, like the Nightingale she pours

Her solitary lays;

Nor asks a witness of her song,

Nor thirsts, for human praise.

Author, and Guardian of my life,

Sweet fount of light Divine!

And all endearing names, in One,

My Saviour I am thine!

What thanks I owe thee, and what love,

A boundless, endless store;

Shall echo thro’ the realms above,

When time shall be no more.

[crispyimagines17]

New Year Imagine:

A bunch of friends invited you over for a New Year party, completely assuring you your ex, Sebastian, wouldn’t be there. However, isn’t much of a surprise when you arrive and, an hour later, he joins the celebration. Though, he didn’t expect you’d come with someone else; so he wasted no time in introducing himself to your new partner, believing he’d threaten him and push him away from you. Yet, Tom mocked at his face for still having hope when you couldn’t be less available cause you were already engaged. 

[coldsandfluff]

Evergreen Dream (F/M, Original, Illness Care-Taking Fluff)

Here's another one of my original fic previously posted on the forum. It's a Christmas story, so it's kind of fitting for the season!

It's about a singer-songwriter from Seattle who works for a Christmas tree lot company every winter to make some extra cash. This year, she gets shipped off to Wisconsin to replace a manager who left. Since she's not quite used to the brutal weather, she ends up catching a customer's cold... and also getting to know said customer a little better.

Evergreen Dream

“Don’t we have more spruces in the storage lot?” asked Lily Morris, pen hovering over an inventory sheet. She looked around the darkened parking lot that she’d been calling “home” for the past three weeks, now a maze of pines and firs waiting to be picked up by a family looking for the perfect Christmas tree.

Aiden shook his head and peered at the sheet. “Looks like you’ve got the wrong list. This one is from November 19.” The college student pointed at the mangled date in the top corner, scribbled with difficulty by Lily’s gloved hand two weeks ago.

“Shit.” Lily slapped her hand on her mouth and looked around, making sure no one was within earshot. Thankfully, customers seemed too busy wrangling their excited children and examining trees to have heard her. 

Aiden flashed a mischievous grin. “You really have to watch your mouth, Ms. Morris.”

“Pot calling the kettle black, kid.” She tucked the pen behind her ear and started walking back to the checkout stand. “And stop calling me Ms. Morris, for god’s sake! I’m only 30!”

“Only when you stop calling me ‘kid’!”

Lily chuckled. When Evergreen Dream Ltd. had contacted her to ask if she would take up the managing position at a lot in Wisconsin, she’d scoffed at the idea. She’d been working at a Seattle lot for five years now, in a location only a few blocks away from her apartment. The thought of spending winter in the cold Midwest, especially without friends or family, was unthinkable. But they’d sweetened the deal with quite a bit of cash, and Lily hadn’t been able to resist. The job was seasonal after all. What was two months out of the entire year?

The first few days had been brutal. The humid cold seeped into her North-Westerned-raised bones like the icy breath of death, and her colleagues had turned out to be a bunch of college kids already friends with each other. Lily had instantly missed her Seattle lot and its many familiar faces.

Thankfully, the crew quickly warmed up to Lily, and now treated her like an aunt. Not that she particularly enjoyed feeling like an aunt, but she’d already grown fond of what she called “the kids,” even though they were less than ten years younger than her. There was something uplifting and inspiring about working with a group of young adults looking forward to the endless sea of possibilities ahead of them.

But the cold. Ugh. Nothing could make her love the weather.

Lily reached the checkout stand, relieved to feel the heating lamp’s glow on her frozen nose. She bent down under the counter and ruffled through a pile of inventory forms looking for the latest one. Her mind raced as she wondered exactly how long she’d been using the wrong sheet, and how many trees they actually had left. She’d need to order a new shipment as soon as possible. The busiest time of the year was already upon them.

“You have a lovely voice,” said a man from the other side of the counter.

Lily stood up, confused. A customer in his late 30s smiled at her. He had the looks of a Hallmark movie star: a nice-looking “guy next door” with a warm smile and a rugged, nonchalant style. His nose looked quite red and chapped, and he wore a thick green knitted scarf around his neck.

He pointed at the old speaker attached to a lamp post behind Lily. The thing was blaring “The Christmas Song” with great difficulty. “I was referring to your singing. You know? ‘Chestnut roasting on an open fire...’” he tried to sing, but his hoarse voice couldn’t carry the tune.

Finally, a light bulb went off in Lily’s brain, easing her furrowed brow into a look of understanding. “I was singing out loud against my will again, wasn’t I?”

The man laughed. “I’m afraid so. But don’t worry, you sounded great. You should really be a singer.”

“I kind of already am, actually,” Lily said with a smile. “This is just my seasonal job. You know, the one that actually pays the bills?”

“Now it all makes sense. But what happened to Mrs… What’s-Her-Name?”

“Oh, apparently she retired. They shipped me here from the West Coast because she waited until the last minute to tell the company, and they couldn’t find anyone to replace her on such short notice.”

“’Company’? You mean to tell me this isn’t owned by a lovely local family and passed down from generation to generation?” the man said with a tinge of sarcasm.

“Oh no, Evergreen Dream Lot #124 is totally a family-owned business built with love and Christmas magic,” Lily shot back with a grin. “I’m Lily Morris, by the way.”

She extended her hand towards the customer, but he shook his head. “I’m just getting over a cold and I wouldn’t want to make your job even harder in this weather,” he apologized. “My name is Ezra Norton. I co-own Honey & Cream, a café downtown. I’m actually here to buy a tree to display in our store.”

Lily’s smile widened. “I’ve actually been to Honey & Cream once! Great cranberry muffins.” She turned to grab a paper cup and filled it with hot chocolate from the insulated dispenser. “I’m sorry you’re feeling under the weather, but hopefully this will keep you warm while you browse. I’ll get Aiden to help you pick a tree.” She handed the cup to Ezra and used her walkie-talkie to page Aiden.

Before entering the maze of evergreens, Ezra turned back to Lily and said, “By the way, I’m glad you’re replacing Mrs. Grinch. I’m pretty sure she took pleasure in sucking the Christmas spirit out of everyone.”

Lily laughed, pouring herself a cup of hot chocolate. “So I’ve heard,” she said, glancing towards Aiden emerging from the trees.

“That’s an unnecessarily nice way to put it, Mr. Norton,” said Aiden, gesturing for Ezra to follow him.

Lily heard Ezra’s faint voice as he disappeared behind a huge fir. “Oh come on Aiden, since when do you call me ‘Mr. Norton’?”

When Ezra came back to pay for his massive 10 feet scotch pine, one of the best in the lot, he and Lily chatted a bit more about the town and the weather. While Ezra looked through his wallet for his credit card, Lily took a sip of hot chocolate, eager to warm up.

As she put down the cup, Ezra gasped. His face paled as he looked at the cup with wide eyes.

“What? What’s wrong?” Lily said, panic rising in her chest.

“I’m afraid this was my cup,” he said, pointing at the hot chocolate.

Sure enough, Lily noticed her own cup waiting for her behind the counter.

“Oh no, I’m so sorry! I can give you another one!” she said, scrambling for a new cup.

“No, no, that’s not it! I’m just worried you’ll catch my cold.”

Lily stopped in her track and laughed. “That’s why you made that face? I thought you’d seen a ghost!”

Ezra chuckled. “Well, I’d feel terrible if I passed this on to you,” he said, pointing at his nose.

“I’m the one who hijacked your beverage, so it’s absolutely not your fault! But don’t worry, I’ve got an amazing immune system. I’ll be fine.”

“I hope so,” Ezra said, a look of uncertainty in his eyes.

“Guys, look!” interrupted Aiden a few feet from them. He was still wrapping Ezra’s tree in mesh netting, but had stopped midway and was now staring at the night sky. “The first snow! Finally!”

Lily looked up. Sure enough, a few puffy snowflakes floated lazily in the glow of the Christmas lights hanging between the lamp posts. A groaned escaped her lips. She wasn’t ready for snow. But then again, when would she ever be?

*****

The snow didn’t let up for a full 24 hours, forcing Lily and the crew to move all the trees on the show lot about four times during the day so that the snowplow could clear the ground. And of course, snow meant a dramatic uptick in customers, who finally felt in the mood to decorate for the holidays. Nothing quite as magical as picking a noble fir while big cottony snowflakes danced in the air around. But for Lily, it only meant a grueling day of shoveling the stuff whenever she had a free moment. Definitely no magic in that.

She’d also gotten up early that morning to schedule a delivery, and had had to call her bosses to explain her mistake so that they would approve a rush charge from the supplier. Needless to say, they were not happy with her. Lily worried that it would affect her position in Seattle next year. This temp job was the only thing keeping her afloat on her meager singing gigs salary. She occasionally took up other jobs as necessary, but the Christmas tree lot was by far the most lucrative, especially since she’d been promoted to a manager last year.

When it was finally time to close up shop at 10 pm, Lily grabbed her shovel, repressing a sigh. Aiden offered to help, but she refused. “Don’t you have finals soon?”

Aiden shrugged. “Yeah, but I’m majoring in History and I have an excellent memory. My finals are 95% memorization, 5% critical thinking, so…”

“Oh yeah?” Lily huffed as she pushed the shovel through a pile of snow. “Who was the president of the United States in 1943?”

Aiden rolled his eyes. “Easy. Roosevelt.”

“OK. When did Canada declare independence?”

“1931.”

Lily stopped shoveling, concentrating on finding another question. “Hmmm…” Her head was pounding, making it even more difficult to think straight. It also didn’t help that she knew very few historical facts. “How long was Al Capone’s prison sentence?”

Aiden’s victorious smile turned into a frown. “Uhh…”

“Ha-AH! See? You obviously need to hit the books. Go!” She used the shovel to shoo him away towards the parking lot.

“Wait, so how long was his prison sentence?” asked Aiden, defeated.

Lily shrugged. “Do you really think I would know that?”

“Did you even know any of the other answers?”

“No.”

Aiden shook his head, laughing. “I’ve been tricked. Fine, I’ll go home and brush up on the Prohibition era. New York in the 1920s is one of the coolest eras anyway.”

Lily resumed shoveling. “I’ll take your word for it. Now go prosper and all that, and get out of my sight.” As she finished her sentence, a tickle bloomed deep within her sinuses, forcing her to drop her shovelful of snow and burry her nose in her scarf.

“Hhh—iih—sheeew!”

“Bless you Mrs. Morris!” said Aiden with a laugh, a reaction Lily was used to by now. No matter how hard she tried to control the sound of her sneezes, she had never been able to suppress what could only be described as a high-pitch voice crack before the release. People either found it adorable or hilarious.

“Good night, Aiden,” Lily said in a stern voice, shooing him away once again with the shovel.

After Aiden’s car turned the corner, silence fell upon the Christmas tree lot. Snow still tumbled out of the sky, but at a slower rate. Lily resumed shoveling, the flat blade occasionally grating against the asphalt underneath, filling the air with a loud rustling. Now that everybody was gone, Lily found the activity quite calming.

When she was finally done, her cheeks red and frozen, her fingers numb, she headed towards the RV rented for her by the company. It definitely lacked the comfort of an hotel room, but she didn’t mind it too much. It allowed her to be around whenever the kids needed her, even on her days off. But it wasn’t exactly the best place to sleep in the middle of winter. She longed for a deep, hot bath instead of the lukewarm dribble her shower provided.

As she unlocked the door, another tickle formed at the back of her nose, freezing her in place. It developed slowly this time, torturing her as she tried to inhale cold air to set it off. Finally, she turned to her side and sneezed openly towards the ground.

“Iih—sheeew!”

The sound echoed in the dead of night, as if mocking her.

*****

“Unfortunately, we don’t have any of those in stock at the moment, but let me show you a few better options.”

Lily bit her bottom lip as she heard Tommy try the new canned response that she’d taught the kids that morning. It was now late afternoon, and she’d heard the line a thousand times, cringing inwardly every time.

“Any news?” asked Aiden as he passed by the checkout counter carrying netting.

Lily shook her head. “Still nothing.”

Two days had passed since Lily had rush-ordered a new shipment of trees. It had been scheduled to be delivered the previous morning, but bad weather had pushed the delivery window to this morning. However, the truck had never shown up, and no one could get a hold of the driver.

In the meantime, business had flourished and the supply was dwindling fast. They barely had enough trees to satisfy the demand for the next four days. But worse than that, they had run out of the most popular types, and some customers were leaving empty-handed and unhappy.

Lily could barely function, checking her phone every two minutes and feeling too frazzled to focus on a task.

“Iih—tsheeeew!”

“Bless you,” shouted Aiden as he kept walking. “You should take something for that.”

“For what?” she shouted back distractedly as Aiden disappeared in the show lot, but he didn’t reply.

Lily tried calling the truck driver for the hundredth time, no longer caring whether or not all the missed calls would make her look like a psycho stalker. When he didn’t pick up, Lily felt the same mix of emotions as all the other times she’d called: worry that something had happened to the driver, and anger because he probably just had had too much to drink the night before and was sleeping off a hangover. There were no other options in Lily’s mind; it had to be one or the other.

“I’m back for more,” said a voice Lily didn’t recognize at first. She lifted her head to see Ezra standing once again in front of the counter, only this time, his nose no longer looked chapped and his voice sounded deep and strong.

Lily tried to rally herself and managed to pull off a natural smile. “Welcome back! Addicted to Christmas trees, I see?”

“Guilty. But this time, I’d like one for my house. So… a little smaller.”

“As long as you don’t want a douglas fir or a blue spruce or a scotch pine, I’m sure we can find something.” Lily regretted her sarcastic words as soon as she heard them coming out of her mouth. This wasn’t very professional, and not at all what she’d taught the boys to say. But she had this odd feeling of familiarity with Ezra, and it had fooled her into being too frank.

“I don’t know what any of this means, but as long as it has branches to hang ornaments on and smells like sap, I’ll take it,” said Ezra, laughing. “Has business been a little too good to you?”

“Well, yes and no. It’s mostly my mistake. I ordered a new shipment too late, so we’re running out of trees. But it’s all good, the truck should be here today. Hopefully. Except the driver disappeared.” She grabbed her walkie-talkie and shoved it in front of her mouth to stop the deluge of honesty from spewing out. “Aiden, could you help Ezra pick a tree please?”

Ezra gave her a sympathetic look. “That sounds awful, I’m sorry. Hopefully he’s just sleeping off a hangover and he’ll show up soon.”

“That’s exactly what I was thinking!” said Lily with a little too much enthusiasm. “It must be that, right? The guy had to stop for the night, went to a local bar and got smashed. That’s all.” She really did not want to think of the alternative.

Ezra nodded. “Must be it!”

“I just can—can’t belie— hhh… Hold—“ Lily’s breath hitched as a tickle nestled itself deep within her nose. She turned to her side and muffled a sneeze in the crook of her puffy coat-covered elbow.

“Iih—sheeew!”

“Bless you!” said Ezra with an endeared smile.

But Lily wasn’t done. She immediately launched forward with another one of her signature sneezes and barely enough time to draw breath.

“Iih—tsheeew!”

“Oh, bless you again!” Ezra’s smile faltered and a frown appeared on his face. “I hope I didn’t get you sick after all?”

Lily sniffed. “No, no, don’t worry. It’s just…” she gestured around her. “I must be allergic to snow.”

“Hey there!” interrupted Aiden, shaking Ezra’s hand. “Did Melinda send you for another tree?���

Lily’s ears perked up at the mention of “Melinda.” Who was Melinda?

“Yeah, she’s been wanting one for a while but we’ve been busy at the café. She says the house is gloomy without it.”

Lily felt a wave of disappointment hit her, which left her puzzled. Of course, Ezra was cute, but she hadn’t been consciously aware that she found him attractive enough to be disappointed that he was taken. She raised an eyebrow. This was definitely a first.

A buzz on her phone reminded her that she had more important things to worry about. Sadly, the text was from a friend back in Seattle, not from the supplier.

Before following Aiden back on the show lot, Ezra turned to Lily once more. “Listen, I was wondering if you were free tomorrow night?”

Lily looked at him with a blank face, confused.

“Oh I… I should explain,” said Ezra, his cheeks flaming red. “We’re having our traditional Christmas Evening at Honey & Cream, and we usually just play some Christmas radio station over the speakers, but I thought it would be nice to have live music.”

Now understanding where this was going, it was Lily’s turn to get red-cheeked.

“We’d love to hire you for the event if you’re available,” continued Ezra. “And if you sing Christmas songs at all.”

“Of course! I know all the classics, and I even have my guitar with me. I’d love to sing for you guys!”

Ezra beamed. “That’s great. Let me pick out a tree and we can discuss the details.”

As she watched Ezra walk towards the trees, Lily couldn’t help but smile. Landing gigs always made her happy, and she hadn’t expected to get any job offers in the middle of Wisconsin. For a blissful moment, she even forgot about her predicament.

Until she heard Tommy in the background: “Unfortunately we don’t have any scotch pines in stock at the moment, but let me show you a few better options.”

Lily resisted the urge to smack her head on the counter, and decided to count that as a victory.

*****

“I just don’t know what I’m going to do, El,” whined Lily as she prepared the cash register for the day, her cellphone tucked between her ear and the faux fur of her hood.

It was the next morning, early enough that none of the college kids on schedule that day had made it to the lot yet. A cold wind rustled through the remaining trees, the sun shining brightly on the blanket of snow. Too brightly for Lily’s eyes, which were oddly sensitive, exacerbating the low-level headache she’d been putting up with for the past two days. Stress always affected her like that.

“So let me get this straight…” said Ella at the other end of the line. She was one of Lily’s dearest friends and a very opinionated woman, which made her the perfect person to call when things went wrong. Lily found it cathartic. “This idiot drove his truck into a ditch, damaged all your trees, didn’t get hurt but took an entire day to remember to call someone?”

“Yep. Apparently he thought he could ‘fix it.’ I guess he was scared to call his boss and admit that he messed up.”

“I bet that sucker was driving too fast. Or drunk.”

“God I hope not,” said Lily, closing the cash drawer with a satisfying clang. “I’m glad no one got hurt, but what am I supposed to do? The supplier is sending another shipment, but it’ll take too long to get here. I’m running out of trees! And that’s the only thing we sell here. I can’t exactly be like, ‘Oh sorry, we don’t have any trees in stock, but can I interest you in a nice roll of mesh netting? Or a flocking machine?’” She stopped and raised an eyebrow. “Wait, what if I offered flocking services?”

Ella laughed. “You’re joking.”

“I mean… I’m really desperate here. I’ll flock anything for cash. I can flock a mailbox, I can flock a car, I’d even flock a damn turkey.”

“Lily, this is me virtually shaking you by the shoulders right now. Get a grip, and for the love of all that is holy, stop saying ‘flock.’ It’s way too early for that. You know it’s 7 am here, right?”

“I’m ju—just… Ho—hhh—hold on,” said Lily, fighting against her hitching breath. She barely had time to pull the phone away from her ear before she bent forward with two harsh sneezes. “Iih—tsheeew! Iih—TSHEEEW!”

“Bless. This is the second time you’ve sneezed since you’ve called.”

Lily sniffed wetly. “So?”

“Are you coming down with something?”

“No, Mama Bear, I’m fine. It’s just much colder here than back home. It’s constantly below freezing. Can you imagine?”

“Yeah, I can imagine that it would get you sick pretty easily. Listen, don’t get your tinsel in a bunch about this whole thing. You’ll run yourself ragged, I know you. It’s not your fault if the trees didn’t show up. Just call your bosses and tell them what happened. I’m sure they have a few tricks up their sleeves.”

“I don’t know,” said Lily, sniffing again and briefly pinching her nose. The sneezes hadn’t gotten rid of the tickle. She could still feel a light, feathery tingle in the back of her sinuses. “If I hadn’t made a mistake with the inventory, this would have never happened. I need to fix it on my own, otherwise I might not get my job back in Seattle next year.”

Ella groaned. “You realize you’re doing exactly what that stupid driver did, right?”

Lily shrugged, waving to Tommy has he drove by on his way to the parking area, the beat of rap music vibrating the ground under her feet. “I guess he had the right idea, he just didn’t execute it correctly. Listen, I gotta go, we’re opening soon.”

As Lily lowered her phone to end the call, she heard Ella’s faint voice muttering her disapproval. But that was the thing with strongly opinionated people: One could always ignore their advice and chalk it up to their passionate dispositions.

The tickle suddenly surged like a gust of wind, reducing Lily to a hitching, gasping mess as she fought the sneeze—and lost.

“Hhh—iih—tsheeew!”

*****

Lily spent most of the day on the phone, calling every tree farms in the area to secure a new shipment. But because she was so late in the season and couldn’t promise a long-term deal, no one was willing to quote her a reasonable price.

Time was running out, and so was Lily’s hope to resolve the matter by herself. She slumped on the stool near the cash register, sighing heavily.

“Still nothing?” asked Aiden, his eyes fixed on his phone.

“Nothing good at least. Bunch of Scrooges. No one is willing to give me a good price.”

Aiden scoffed. “Maybe from their perspective, you’re the Scrooge. Making them work so close to Christmas for mere pennies. I’m sure they have a family to feed and kids to take care of.”

“You’re the worst devil’s advocate ever,” said Lily, shaking her head. The motion woke up her nagging headache, making her wince.

“No one likes to hear the truth,” said Aiden, shrugging.

Lily rolled her eyes and went back to looking for more farms to call, widening her search area even more. The idea of explaining her situation to yet another farmer and begging for help made her feel completely exhausted. Plus, her throat had begun to hurt from talking all day; not a good thing considering she was scheduled to sing later that night.

Her mind drifted off to Seattle and her cozy apartment. She missed going out for a beer after work with Ella. By this time, their group of friends would no doubt be organizing Christmas gatherings and activities, and Lily was missing out on all of them. Is the extra money really worth all of this? she wondered.

Her thoughts were interrupted by a fierce tickle deep within her sinuses. She scrunched up her nose and sniffled wetly, which did nothing to abate the tickle. It kept on expanding, forcing her to shut her eyes and tilt her head back. She waved a gloved hand in front of her face, her breath hitching for what felt like an eternity. Finally, she launched forward with a harsh sneeze.

“Iih—TSHEEEEW!”

“You’ve been doing a lot of that today,” said Aiden absentmindedly, still occupied by god-knew-what on his phone.

“Doing what?” said Lily as a shiver wracked her body. Damn this cold weather, she thought, and glanced at the heating lamp, wondering if it had a higher setting.

“Sneezing.”

Lily laughed. “Have you been counting my sneezes?”

“Not really, but I should have.” He gestured towards the almost empty lot. “It’s not like I’ve been really busy today.”

“Yeah w—well… hhh… May—Maybe you… Iih—sheeeew!”

“That’s two. I’m starting right now,” said Aiden with a smirk.

“You know, Aiden, if we don’t have trees to sell, that means I have to cut your hours, which means no salary for you.” Lily sniffed, waiting for the full effect of what she’d said to erase the smirk on Aiden’s face. When it did, she smiled sweetly and said, “So how about you use all your free paid time to help me locate a tree farm instead?”

“Yes, ma’am. I’m on it!”

“Iihh—TSHEEEEW!” Lily quickly lifted her head after the third sneeze, shooting a warning glance towards Aiden. “I swear to god, if you—“

“Shhh! I’m busy looking for trees online,” said Aiden, repressing a laugh.

*****

An hour before she was due to sing at the Honey & Cream, Lily stood in front of the cold medicine aisle of a grocery store.

It had taken her that long to realize that all of her symptoms were indicative of a burgeoning cold. The headache, the shivers, the sore throat… and the sneezes. But it was only when her nose had started to run that the veil of denial had fallen. And here she was now, holding a crumpled tissue to her nose while looking for the perfect syrup that would allow her to survive the night.

She didn’t want to cancel; the singing gig was the only good thing happening to her at the moment. Even though she felt under the weather, she knew singing would bring back some much-needed happiness into her heart. She could do it, too. She’d sung with worse than a cold before and knew all the tricks to avoid damaging her vocal cords. But medicine always helped.

She grabbed a bottle of generic cold medicine and headed for the tea aisle for some throat coat, when a familiar voice called her name behind her.

It was Ezra.

Lily instinctively hid the cold medicine behind her back when she turned around, not wanting him to know she was sick. Partly because he’d given her this cold and she didn’t want him to feel bad, but mostly because she was worried he’d cancel the show tonight.

She cleared her throat and hoped for the best. “Hey Ezra! Fancy seeing you here!”

Ezra chuckled, pushing a cart full of a variety of drinks towards her. “We severely underestimated the number of people coming this year, and we’re already running out of drinks.”

“Keep them happy; it makes my job easier!” said Lily, aware of how awkward and overly joyous she sounded. That was the only way she knew to compensate for her lack of energy.

They both stood in silence for a few seconds too long, not knowing what to say. An old Nat King Cole Christmas song played in the background above the hum of the refrigerated displays next to them. Lily wondered just how sickly and pale she looked in the sad, yellowish light of the grocery store, standing right next to a wall of raw meat. Lovely. She tried to think of a way to end the conversation and extricate herself from this situation, but her mind was blank.

And of course, that’s when her nose decided to start tickling.

“Everyone is very excited to hear you sing,” said Ezra, breaking the silence. Unlike Lily, he sounded completely comfortable and relaxed. “I’ve already gotten a few requests.”

Water rose in Lily’s eyes as the tickle grew more intense. “I can’t wait!” she squeaked, trying to control her breathing.

“Oh, do you need a lift to the coffee shop? I’m ready to checkout, so if you want to, you could come with me right now and have a drink before the show. We’ll have plenty of options,” he added, pointing at his cart.

Unable to think straight because of the itch, Lily nodded vigorously, which only made matters worse. “That’d b—be great… Hhh….” She gestured towards the exit in a ‘lead the way’ motion.

Ezra nodded and turned the cart around. As soon as he had his back to her, Lily ducked to the side and stifled a quick double in the crook of her elbow.

“Hhh—Iih—chxshh! Iih—chxxshh!”

Ezra turned around. “What was that?”

Lily stood up straight and stopped moving, as if caught red handed. “What was what?”

Ezra’s eyes scanned the area around Lily. “I heard a weird noise. I thought you’d drop something.” He smiled and turned back around, resuming his walk to the checkout line.

Lily exhaled and sniffed, quickly swiping her used tissue under her nose before hiding it back in her pocket. When she was sure Ezra wouldn’t turn around again, she shoved the box of cold medicine on a shelf, knowing there would be no way to purchase it without Ezra seeing it. She shot the box a longing look as she walked away, promising herself that she’d be back for it the next day.

As they were pulling out of the grocery store’s parking lot, Lily regained enough brain power to remember her guitar. ���Crap, do you mind stopping by the RV? I’ll need my guitar.”

“No problem. It’s only a few blocks away anyway.” He put on the heat at full blast, glancing at a shivering Lily. “Who’s in charge of the lot while you’re out?”

“One of the kids,” said Lily, warming her hands over the vent. “They should be fine though… Not many trees to be in charge of at the moment anyway.”

“Are you still waiting for that lost shipment?”

Lily sighed. “That shipment is lost forever. I’m waiting for a replacement. I’d love to find a local supplier to get a small shipment until then but…” She shrugged and shook her head. “I won’t bore you with the details. I’ll figure something out.”

As soon as she moved her hands away from the vent, a blast of hot air blew in her face, which felt nice on her frozen nose, but also triggered another annoying tickle. Lily quickly adjusted the vent away from her face and pinched her nostrils to squash the impending sneeze.

“I’m sure you’ll—“ Ezra glanced at her and stopped mid-sentence, amused. “You OK there?”

Lily lowered her hand and nodded, then quickly shook her head no as her mouth slacked open and her eyelids fluttered. “Go—Gonna sn… sneeze—Iihh… Iih—tsheeew!”

“Bless you! If you need tissues, there’s a packet in the glove compartment.”

“Thanks,” said Lily, fetching the packet and plucking a tissue out. She dabbed at her nose gingerly, not wanting to blow and make a disgusting sound that would give her away.

Ezra glanced once again at her. “Are you feeling alright?”

She smiled. “Yep! It’s the snow…”

“Ah yes. Allergic to snow, right?” said Ezra with a chuckle. He turned into the Evergreen Dream’s lot and stopped in front of Lily’s RV. “Here you are!”

*****

As Ezra and Lily walked to the back door of Honey & Cream, their hands full with bags of clinking glass bottles, muffled sounds of laughter, conversation and Christmas music saturated the night air. Butterflies rose in Lily’s stomach, anticipating the moment she’d be on stage in front of this cheery crowd. She couldn’t help but smile.

“After you,” said Ezra, holding the door with his elbow and moving his bags out of the way.

Lily walked into a dark and narrow hallway, a wave of comforting heat enveloping her. At the other end of the corridor, she could see people chatting, and the orange glow of a fireplace. Images of Christmas when she was a child instantly filled her head. Her grandpa’s living room with the giant brick fireplace. The entire extended family gathered in one room, laughing and talking animatedly. Tables filled with food and desserts. Comfort, warmth and happiness.

“Sounds like quite the crowd in there,” said Lily as she neared the end of the hallway.

“Yep,” said Ezra proudly. “The party gets bigger every year.”

When Lily reached the main room, she couldn’t believe her eyes. She remembered the café being quite spacious and cozy when she’d visited a few weeks ago, but it had been completely transformed from a modern, minimalist space to a Christmas wonderland. A fire roared in the huge stone hearth on the right side of the room. Pine garlands scalloped the entire length of the walls, peppered with holly and ornaments. A huge chandelier made of thousands of dangling crystals in the shape of snowflakes glittered in the dimmed lights.

A few hundred people had gathered at the Honey & Cream in their best attire, with people sitting at the decorated tables or standing in small groups, crowded together for a lack of space. The chorus of voices sounded cheerful and relaxed, which immediately put Lily at ease. She noted a small area in the left corner of the room with a stool and a mic, and behind it, a huge Christmas tree beautifully decorated—the 10 feet scotch pine she’d sold Ezra a few days ago. This would be her spot for the night, and Lily couldn’t have been happier.

Ezra guided her towards a double swivel door behind the counter. “Can you drop off the bottles in the kitchen? I’ll go grab your guitar real quick.” He set down his own bags near the door and darted back towards the hallway.

When Lily pushed the double doors, the smell of glazed ham, pepper gravy and green bean casserole welcomed her despite her congestion. The small professional kitchen was a mess of dirty dishes and flour, forcing Lily to stack a few mixing bowls to make room for the alcohol she was carrying.

Behind her, the double door swung again, and Lily turned around to come face to face with a tall blonde carrying a tray of empty mugs.

“Oh!” the woman said, a warm smile illuminating her face. “You must be Lily! I’m Melinda. I’d shake your hand but…” she nodded towards her tray and swept passed Lily. “Sorry it’s such a mess in here. I hope my brother told you it’s not always like this. Please don’t call the health inspector on us!”

“Brother…? Oh, Ezra? You’re Ezra’s sister?”

Melinda stopped in front of the sink and started unloading the mugs. “Yep! Sister, roommate, co-owner… All of those things. And we’re not even twins.” Once done, she swiveled and started grabbing clean mugs from a shelf and placing them on her tray. “When he told me he’d found someone to sing at our Christmas party, I was ecstatic. Live music is really the only thing that was missing, but we hadn’t realized it. Do you know ‘Christmas Time’s a-Comin’ by Emmylou Harris? It’s not a well-known song but my mom loved it and played it on a loop every Christmas at home. I’ve always wanted to hear it live. If you don’t know it, it’s fine too!” She hurried around the counter and placed the tray on a stack of clean plates, then started filling the mugs with hot chocolate from a thermos dispenser. “Oh shoot, we’re running out.”

Lily watched her flutter around the kitchen, unable to place a word as Melinda chatted animatedly, seemingly more to herself than to Lily. Lily tried to keep up, but her mind still clung to the fact that Melinda was Ezra’s sister, not lover. It felt like such a silly trope that only happened in romcoms, and yet it had just happened to her.

“… and he said you had the voice of an angel. That’s a huge compliment coming from Ezra. He doesn’t like any of the singers on the radio these days. I keep telling him he’s just too old to get it.”

Lily turned her attention back to Melinda just in time to hear the compliment, and her heart swelled. She blushed and sniffled, feeling her nose running a little. Unfortunately, as it often happened to her when she had a cold, sniffling sparked a torturous tickle that nothing could stop. She scrunched up her nose and tried to pinch her nostrils shut anyway, but when her breath started hitching, she knew there was no way out.

“…seem to be having fun, but you never know for sure. What do you think?”

Suddenly, Melinda stopped filling the mugs on her tray and looked at Lily expectantly.

“I… Hhh… I uh… Ehh…” Not only did Lily not know what the question was, but she was also fighting off the sneeze with all her might, embarrassed at the fact that Melinda was just staring at her.

“Are you alright?” said Melinda with a frown.

Lily lifted her index finger and quickly swiveled towards the door, her head tilting back as she took in a big breath. She covered her nose and mouth in her scarf and launched forward with two itchy, irritated sneezes.

“Iihh—tsheeeew!... Hhh—Iiih—tsheeeew!”

“Bless you, my dear!” said Melinda with a chuckle before busying herself piling mini marshmallows and crushed candy canes in each mug. “Boy do I wish I had a cute sneeze like that. Mine sounds like a tornado warning, and then comes the tornado, if you know what I mean. Yours is like a kitten sneeze. It’s so cute.”

And just like that, Melinda was back to a whirlwind of chatter, hurrying around the kitchen to prepare the drinks. Behind Lily, the double doors swung, revealing Ezra, guitar case in hand.

“Ezra!” said Melinda, briefly looking towards her brother before focusing back on her task. “We were just talking about you!”

Ezra chuckled. “I bet you were doing most of the talking, as always.” He turned to Lily and handed her the guitar. “Can I get you something to drink before the show?”

Lily hesitated. Her throat felt a bit raw and she could really use a coat throat, but didn’t want to admit being sick. She wanted to ask for chamomile tea with a lot of honey, but that seemed like a dead giveaway.

“A glass of water would be great.” She clenched her teeth as soon as she heard her own voice. Heavy congestion had settled after the sneezes, and she really needed to blow her nose. “Also, is there anywhere I could go to warm up my voice?” And blow my nose in peace, she thought.

“Yeah sure! You can use my office.” Ezra headed back out of the kitchen. “Follow me.”

*****

Lily spent half an hour doing vocal warmups while walking around Ezra’s office. In-between “hums” and “aahs,” she admired the cleanliness of the room. She hadn’t pegged Ezra as being so orderly. Everything had its place, from the piles of papers neatly arranged in stacked trays to the three pens of different colors aligned next to a notebook.

Lily scrunched up her nose and sniffled, annoyed at the returning tickle. The inside of her nose permanently felt on fire. She grabbed a tissue from a nearby box and folded it over her nose. Her eyes closed as the tickle etched deeper and deeper into her sinuses, sending a little shiver down her back. Her head shook lightly as she drew a breath and sneezed into the tissue.

“Hhh—iihh—sheeeew! Ugh…”

She knew the squeak wasn’t good for her voice, but she couldn’t help it. At least she didn’t feel too sick. Sure, her head was heavy and achy, her throat was irritated and her sinuses were on fire, but she didn’t feel feverish or exhausted. Not only that, but after warming up her voice, Lily felt confident that she could pull off her set. She sang a little deeper than normal, but didn’t crack at all. If she played this right, nobody would notice anything.

A knock on the door interrupted her thoughts. “Come in!”

Ezra’s head peeked in from a crack in the door. “Are you ready to go? I think the Christmas cheer has reached maximum capacity out there.”

Lily smiled. The butterflies hummed with excitement in her stomach. “Let’s give them something to cheer about.”

*****

“Alright everyone,” said Ezra in the mic, tapping it a few times to test it. “This year, I’ve had the pleasure of meeting a wonderful singer with a beautiful voice who agreed to perform Christmas songs for us tonight. So please be nice to her, and maybe she’ll come back next year.”

Lily smiled when Ezra looked towards her with pleading eyes. She quieted the voice in her head whispering that she’d be back in Seattle next year, maybe without a job. Stay in the moment, she told herself. You’re about to go sing. Her heart pounded with nerves, but her smile grew bigger.

“Put your hands together for Lily Morris!”

Lily walked to the stool and sat down, adjusting her guitar strap. When the clapping died down, she leaned towards the mic. “Hey everyone, I’m the one who sold most of you a Christmas tree this year,” she said, then pointed over her shoulder. “Including this monster right there.” The crowd laughed, and Lily felt her nerves melt away, leaving only excitement. “How about we sing some Christmas songs?”

She started with “Chestnut Roasting on an Open Fire,” one of her favorites. As she strung the first notes on her guitar, she remembered that this was the song she accidentally sang when she met Ezra for the first time. She glanced at him and saw that he was grinning from ear to ear, as if he was remembering the same thing.

A split second before she was meant to start singing, worry bubbled in her chest. She couldn’t help but fear that her voice wouldn’t cooperate. Thankfully, the words came out effortlessly, smooth and clear. A smile grew on her lips as she relaxed into the song.

Lily lost herself in the music during the first half hour, going from jazzy classics to upbeat carols. The crowd was so into it, clapping and singing along, that Lily forgot all about her cold and overdid it a little bit. She belted out “All I Want for Christmas Is You,” doing her usual runs. When she finished the song, people cheered and applauded while she took a big gulp of water, feeling the wrath of her irritated throat flaring up.

“Alright folks, how about a slow one?” she said, her voice sounding a little rough. “Anyone here knows ‘Where Are You Christmas’?” People cheered and nodded.

Lily took another sip of water. “Not that we need to ask ourselves where Christmas is, because it’s obviously here. All of it,” she said, making people laugh again. Lily giggled, but it turned into a small cough. She leaned away from the mic and cleared her throat, catching Ezra’s worried gaze on her. She smiled reassuringly at him.

Lily starting singing, closing her eyes. She always loved doing “Where Are You Christmas.” It was such a beautiful song with a powerful build. Sure, it wasn’t the most cheerful, but it resonated with Lily. After moving to Seattle, away from her family, Christmas hadn’t been the same. Her family had stopped organizing huge gatherings because of a petty fight between her aunts and uncles, and Lily had eventually stopped going home for Christmas altogether because of her new job at Evergreen Dream. Her parents understood that she had to make ends meet, but it still felt bittersweet every year to be spending the holidays selling Christmas trees to happy families, while she had no family of her own to celebrate with on December 24th.

“Where are you Christmas, why can't I find you, why have you gone away,” Lily sang, looking at the crowd in front of her. Some people were putting their heads on their neighbor’s shoulders, or holding hands. They all looked like a big, giant family, and Lily still had trouble wrapping her head around the fact that this city had such a tight-knit community. It was incredibly touching.

Lily concentrated on the vibration of her guitar against her body, trying not to choke up. Emotion rose in her chest and fizzed in her nose as she tried not to cry. But something worse than tears happened: The tickle returned.

At first, she kept singing, hoping adrenaline would take care of it. But it didn’t. The tickle grew to a persistent prickling sensation buzzing slowly down her nostrils. In between verses, she tried to wiggle her nose, which didn’t do any good.

“Where are y���you Christ—hh…mas, do you… hhh...—member, the one you used— tohhh…”

Her lips parted, her eyes closed. She kept strumming, but could no longer sing. She fought her hitching breath once, twice, until it was too much. She turned her head in time, but the mic still picked up her sneezes perfectly, down to the little gasp.

“Iihh—tsheeew! Hhh—ihh—tsheeeew!”

A chorus of bless you and giggles burst from the audience. Lily couldn’t help but laugh, too. “I’m so sorry guys,” she said, her face hot with embarrassment. “I tried so hard, but I couldn’t fight these off.” She kept on strumming the same notes in a loop, trying to recover from the situation. “Although I must say, I’ve never been blessed by so many people at once. I feel really… well… blessed actually.” The crowd erupted in laughter again.

Lily managed to finish the song and play a few more, but she could feel her voice weakening. It even cracked during a folksy version of “Jingle Bells,” but thankfully no one heard it because the crowd was singing louder than her.

She ended with a very simple rendition of “Silent Night,” and was surprised to discover that it sounded better with her raspy, lower voice. As soon as she finished the last note, the crowd whistled and applauded for a full minute, leaving Lily speechless and incredibly touched. She had never sung for such an enthusiastic crowd before. Most of her gigs involved small gatherings, or bars where customers still chatted loudly with each other as if she didn’t exist.

A few people even came up to welcome her to the city and tell her how much they loved her voice. Ezra waited for everyone to disperse before he walked up to her.

“You were wonderful,” he said with such honesty and admiration that Lily felt her insides melt.

“I had a blast!” Her voice sounded deeper and rough around the edge. She cleared her throat. “You’ve got such an amazing group here. I can’t believe how many people turned up.”

“This town is crazy about Christmas,” Ezra said, turning around to gaze upon the mingling crowd like a proud father. “There are tons of other activities organized in town and in neighboring cities. Next week, the old drive-in is even going to reopen for a Christmas movie marathon. Everyone will build their own bonfire and cuddle up with blankets and hot cocoa. Should be fun.” He looked at her sideways. “You should join us.”

Lily smiled. Was that an invitation? “I’d love to.”

But her smiled faltered as a tickle came out of nowhere. She barely had time to muffle the sneezes in her elbow, her head bobbing down with each release.

“Hhh—iihh—sheeew! Iiih—sheeew!”

“Bless you,” said Ezra, his tone more serious. He paused for a moment, surveying her. “Are you sure you’re feeling alright?”

Lily sniffled and nodded with a smile. “Yeah. Just tired. I’m still trying to figure out my little ‘problem’ at work and—“

Ezra snapped his fingers, his eyes lighting up as if he’d just thought of a cure for world hunger. “OH! That reminds me! I think I can help you with your Christmas tree problem.”

Lily raised her eyebrows. “Seriously? What do you have in mind?”

“Well, I haven’t worked it out fully yet but—“

“Ezra?” called out Melinda from the counter, her panicked voice rising above the chatter. “Little help please?”

Poor Melinda was struggling to serve drinks and desserts to the crowd that had formed around the counter, ready for something sweet after the show. Lily could understand their excitement. If the dessert was as tasty as the cranberry muffin she’d had last time, she’d be dying to get a piece of it herself.

“Shoot,” said Ezra, already moving towards Melinda. “Listen, are you free tomorrow morning? I can come by and tell you all about it then.”

Lily nodded. “Sure, we’ll talk tomorrow.”

“Thanks again for the show,” Ezra said, his smile warming up the room. “Have a hot chocolate and enjoy yourself.”

Lily smiled back. A hot chocolate sounds heavenly right about now, she thought, shivering in spite of the ambient heat. And with any luck, this cold will be gone after a good night’s rest.

*****

The night brought anything but good rest to Lily. She spent it tossing and turning on her cheap mattress, shivering under the blankets and sneezing her poor little nose off. By the morning, her bed was littered with used tissues, and she’d only managed to doze off a few hours, at best.

She stood outside in the light of dawn, coffee mug in hand, surveying what was left of the Christmas tree lot. Steam from her coffee rose in the chilly air, mixing with the mist of her breath. She sniffled wetly, bringing a crumpled tissue to her nose. Her nostrils were chapped beyond repair, and she knew nothing could be done to make herself look presentable before Ezra’s arrival.

She walked between the few trees still available on the show lot, her boots crunching in the snow. Worry wrapped around her chest like a corset bound too tightly. If Ezra’s solution didn’t work out, she’d have to call the bosses and admit her fault. Not only had she messed up in the first place, but now she’d lost a good two days of sales trying to fix it by herself. She’d made it worse.

No wonder this lot is so important to them, Lily thought. It had been incredibly popular since the start of the season for such a small city. After talking with Ezra the night before, Lily understood why. Evergreen Dream had found the perfect gem: A series of small towns and cities with deep-rooted Christmas traditions, and no other Christmas tree lots to compete. The stakes were higher than she had thought.

Lily shivered in the relentless cold, and scrunched up her nose as a tickle formed. She fished for her tissue in her coat pocket, covering her nose just in time.

“Hhh—iihh—sheeeew! Ugh… Iihh—sheeew! Iiih—TSHEEEW!”

Behind her, she heard a car make its way into the lot, most likely Ezra’s. She turned around, still clutching the tissue to her nose with one hand, and holding her coffee in the other. A black truck with a trailer attached slowed down near the entrance. It wasn’t Ezra’s Toyota, but the windows were so frosted that Lily couldn’t tell who was sitting in the driver’s seat.

The door opened and Ezra came out. Lily’s heart flipped at the sight of him. She watched him walked to her RV, not knowing that she stood ten feet away on the show lot.

“I’m right here,” she called, except her voice didn’t cooperate. What came out was a pitiful squeak, only hitting a few syllables in full voice, the rest lost in a whisper. She put her hand to her throat, surprised. Had she lost her voice?

Thankfully, it had been enough to catch Ezra’s attention. “Hey,” he called out as he headed towards her. “I was afraid you’d still be sleeping.”

“Your text said 6 am,” she squeaked, her raspy voice still not able to form full words.

Ezra walked up to her with a pained expression. “Oof, you really don’t sound good.” His eyes scanned her face, stopping at her bright-red nose. “I got you sick, didn’t I?” he said softly, his tone full of guilt.

“I think this weather is what did me in,” Lily said, pointing at the gray skies above threatening to unleash a fresh coat of snow. “I’m alright though.”

Ezra looked at her, unconvinced. “You sure you’re up for this? I can come back tomorrow and let you rest.”

Lily shook her head. “If you’ve got a solution, we need to do it now.” She looked at the trees around her. “We’re losing money becau—because of… hhh…”

Lily felt the sneezes coming, hard and fast, the tingle catching fire in her irritated sinuses. But she couldn’t locate her tissue. She put her coffee mug on a crate nearby to free her hands, then checked her coat pockets, her jeans pockets… to no avail. Understanding what was happening, Ezra dug into his own pockets, and came up with a travel packet of tissues, managing to get one out and handing it to Lily just in time.

“Iiih—tsheeew! Hhh—iihh—tsheeeew!”

“Bless you,” Ezra said, his voice warm and soft. “At least let’s get you into the warmth of my truck. I had the heat on full blast. It should still be toasty in there.” He guided her to the passenger side and opened the door for her, closing it behind her.

Lily welcomed the heat with relief, blowing her nose while Ezra circled the truck to get to the driver seat.

“There, this should be better,” he said as he sat down and started the truck, reviving the heating vents. Forced air rushed out with a loud wooshing sound. Ezra turned the heat down to quiet them. “I had a hunch you were under the weather yesterday, but I didn’t dare to ask,” he said, sheepish. “It was a bit selfish of me. I really wanted to hear you sing.”

Lily smiled. “Don’t feel bad. I didn’t tell you because I was afraid you’d cancel the gig.” She grimaced at the sound of her voice. “I sound worse than I feel. And it was totally worth it.”

Ezra nodded. “Alright then, let’s go get you some trees. That’s at least one problem I can fix.”

He put the truck into gear and started turning around in the parking lot, but Lily put her hand on his arm. “Wait, you haven’t told me how we’re going to get the trees yet!”

“Oh, you’re right!” Ezra laughed. “Sorry, my mind has been all over the place these past few days.” He stopped the car. “I’ve got a friend whose cousin owns a tree farm about two hours from here. I explained the situation and he got his cousin to give you a good deal on the trees. At least I hope it’s a good deal,” he said, suddenly unsure. “I’m not exactly in the tree-buying business, but my friend assured me it was a wholesale price.”

Lily beamed. “At this point, I’m willing to pay more if it means getting trees on the lot. How many can we fit in your truck?”

“I brought lots of rope so I’m hoping we can stack them fairly high. Maybe 40 of them with the trailer?”

Lily calculated in her head, her mouth forming the numbers silently. “I think that would be perfect. It should tide us over to the scheduled delivery, and maybe recoup some of the losses.”

Although her voice still sounded hoarse and raspy, it was gaining strength as she used it more, waking up her vocal cords from the difficult night she’d had.

“Thank you so much for doing this, Ezra,” Lily said, putting her hand on his arm once again. “Not only did you get me a singing gig, but now this? You must be a Christmas angel or something.”

Ezra laughed. “It’s the least I could do for passing on that awful cold to you.”

“Hey, I’m the one who stole your hot chocolate, remember?”

“Fair enough,” said Ezra, easing off the brake pedal and maneuvering the truck around. “But I’m still partly responsible and—“

“Hhh—iihh—sheeeew!”

“—bless you—and nobody should be without a tree on Christmas anyway.”

“Ihh—sheeeew!”

Ezra glanced at her sympathetically. “Bless you again.”

Lily dabbed at her nose. “You’re going to run out of ‘bless you’s at this rate.”

“I’m sure we can find a supplier for more of those, too.”

*****

They drove for about half an hour, making light conversation at first. As the warmth of the car settled, easing Lily’s shivering, the conversation took on a more warm, familiar tone.

 “I really like this city,” Lily said with a longing sigh.

Ezra glanced at her. “Oh yeah? You don’t hear that often from West Coast people.” He chuckled. “But I can’t imagine a Christmas without snow.”

“I grew up in a small country town, although it rarely snowed there. I just miss the community. The fresh air. I miss knowing your neighbors and stopping by for a visit.” She looked outside at the snow-covered fields, her eyes following the few lonely trees in the distance as the car rushed passed. “And I guess snow does look really nice.”

“And now that we know you’re not allergic to it…”

Lily laughed and playfully pushed him on the shoulder. “I rarely get sick, so there’s still a case to be made about the snow and the weather doing… this to me.” She motioned towards her throat and sinuses, grimacing. “Seattle is fine. We do get a bit of snow every year but it doesn’t last and it’s just chaotic. Some streets in my neighborhood are steep, which is a total nightmare when it gets icy.”

“I’ve actually never been to Seattle before,” said Ezra. “Or much of anywhere to be honest.”

Lily looked at him in surprise. “Were you born here?”

“Yep! Born and raised… and anchored, apparently.” He fiddled with the heating knob, increasing it a little. “My parents bought the Honey & Cream when they were in their 20s. That wasn’t its original name though. They called it ‘Expresso.’ It drove Melinda crazy. She’s a coffee nerd.”

Lily could easily imagine Melinda ranting about the term “Expresso” to no one in particular, averaging 30 words per second without losing her breath. She made a mental note to ask Melinda about it next time she visited the coffee shop.

“So how did you both become the owners?”

“My parents retired early. My dad’s heart wasn’t doing so great. I don’t think he was cut out to be a business owner. Now they live in Florida, his heart is doing much better, and my sister and I are co-owners. The first thing we did is change the name, of course.”

“I really like ‘Honey & Cream,’” mused Lily, scrunching up her nose. “It’s modern, but also soft and soothing in a way.” She picked up a tissue from the travel packet Ezra had given her, feeling another sneeze coming on.

“It was Melinda’s idea. She’s the baker and coffee addict. I take care of the business side of it. That’s what I studied in college, knowing my parents were thinking of selling the coffee shop. I didn’t want it to leave the family, and I’m—“

Ezra stopped talking when he heard a little gasp coming from Lily, warning him of an impending sneeze. He glanced at her with a sad smile. “That tickle won’t leave you alone, huh?”

Lily shook her head, her eyes half-closed, her lips parted, struggling with a torturous buildup. She wiggled her nose again, which seemed to do the trick. Her head titled back, and she bent forward under the force of the sneeze, burying her nose in the tissue.

“Hhhh—ihhh—TSHEEEEW!” She remained bent over her lap, the tissue still secured around her nose and mouth, knowing another sneeze was coming. “Hhhh—iiihh—tsheeeew!”

“Bless you!” said Ezra, surprised at the force of the sneezes. He slowed down the truck, turning into a gas station. “I think we need some supplies. Let me get you something warm for your throat. Any preference?”

Lily dabbed at her chapped nose and sniffled. “Coffee.”

Ezra raised his eyebrows. “Not to go all ‘doctor’ on you, but wouldn’t tea be better in your condition?”

“You’re right,” said Lily, relenting. “Throat coat would be great, but if they don’t have it, chamomile with honey should work.”

“Throat coat…,” he repeated, committing it to memory. “I’m on it!”

He opened the door and got out as quickly as possible to avoid letting too much cold air in, but a burst of icy wind still made its way to Lily. She shivered and readjusted her scarf around her neck, fluffing it up. Reaching for her purse, she checked her phone to see if Aiden was doing alright back at the lot. She’d left him in charge again while she was gone.

Lily: Everything OK over there?

Aiden: Yep. I’m telling people to come back this afternoon. They don’t seem too mad.

Lily: Good. Thank you!

Aiden: How’s it going with Ezra?

Lily: What do you mean?

Aiden: I mean you’re spending half a day on a road trip with the hottest bachelor in town, surely you won’t waste this opportunity?

Lily: Aiden!! Seriously?!

Aiden: Sorry Ms. Morris :P

Lily repressed a laugh. Maybe her growing attraction to Ezra had been apparent to everyone but herself. But this was a professional work trip, and she was in no condition to put on the charm anyway. She would be lucky if Ezra ever thought she looked attractive after seeing her like this.

She put down her phone, realizing that she was alone and could finally blow her nose properly. She had been dabbing at it, too embarrassed to blow in front of Ezra. The process took multiple tissues, but it relieved a lot of pressure in Lily’s sinuses, easing her headache. She managed to take a couple of breath through her nose before another tickle took hold.

She reached for the packet of tissues, but realized she’d used the last one. As Lily battled the oncoming sneeze, Ezra came back, sending another rush of cold air into the car and flaming the tickle in Lily’s nose.

“I got you a—oh!” Ezra noticed the empty packet and Lily pinching her nose, her breath hitching. He put down the two cups of hot liquid in the cup holders and rummaged in the plastic bag, but Lily could no longer hold the sneeze in. She covered her nose with her scarf.

“Ihh—tsheeeew!”

Ezra fished out a box of tissues from the bag and ripped it open, passing Lily a bunch of them. She took them gratefully, her eyes still shut as the tickle triggered another sneeze. She buried her nose in the thick, soft fabric.

“Hhh—ihh—tsheeew! Iihh—tsheeew!”

“Bless you!” Ezra said, moving the bag out of his seat so that he could sit down and close the door. “Poor thing, you sound so sick. Hopefully this will help.” He took out a box of cold medicine and a box of throat coat tea. “I got you a cup of hot water for the tea. The lady at the counter looked at me weird when I asked for ‘throat coat.’ I think she thought it was some kind of sex thing.”

Lily burst out laughing, her nose still buried in the tissues. Ezra joined in.

“I’m just glad I found it so I could show her what it is,” he said, picking up the box to read the text on it. “What even is this? What’s in it?”

“Slippery elm,” said Lily, sniffling wetly and removing the lid from the cup of hot water. “It coats your throat and makes it feel less raw and tickly. Too bad they don’t make it for your nose, too,” she mumbled.

Ezra fetched a tea bag from the box and sniffed it. Grimacing, he gave it to Lily. “What does it taste like?”

Lily dumped it in her cup. “Mostly like a sweeter, more subtle version of licorice. It’s not bad if you don’t hate licorice.”

“Oh, I hate licorice,” said Ezra. “Thankfully I’ve got the perfect chaser right here.” He produced two packets of tree-shaped Reese’s Peanut Butter Cups from the bag.

Lily beamed. “I loooove Reese’s! Especially the trees—“

“Because they have more peanut butter, right?” said Ezra, grinning.

“Yes, that’s it!”

“I always stock up after Christmas and Easter. They’re the best.” He opened one packet and took a bite of the chocolate tree. “I’m sure your tea won’t taste as bad if you eat one of these with it.”

Lily laughed. “It’s OK, I’m used to it. I always drink it when my throat is irritated before a show. It’s a singer’s best tool.”

Ezra was pensive for a moment. “You were really wonderful yesterday. I can’t believe you sang like that with a cold.”

“To be fair, I didn’t feel as bad as I do today. I could not sing with this voice,” she said, pointing at her throat.

“You definitely need some rest today.”

They sat in the car in silence for a few minutes, Ezra sipping coffee and eating Reese’s, Lily drinking her tea. Ezra stole a glance at her. “Did you always want to be a singer?”

Lily shook her head, blowing on her tea. “No, I actually wanted to be a hockey player.”

“Really?”

“Yep. I played from when I was five years old all through high school. I quit when I went to college to study music.”

“Do you still skate sometimes?” Ezra put down his coffee and started up the car, turning on the heat.

“I haven’t been in a few years, but I do miss it.”

“Me and my buddies play on a frozen pond in the park during winter. You should come sometimes.”

Lily smiled, feeling the butterflies waking up. “I’d love to.”

Ezra put the truck in reverse, turning his body around to see where he was going. “I’m a pretty good goalie though, so don’t get your hopes up. No puck gets through me.” He glanced at her with a mischievous grin.

“We’ll see,” she said, returning the grin.

*****

Lily soon fell asleep, unable to keep her eyes open in the warmth of the car and the lull of the tires on the snow-covered streets. Ezra woke her up gently once they reached their destination.

“Sorry,” he said after whispering her name and tapping her on the shoulder. “I would let you sleep but you have to sign and pay.”

Lily fought to stay awake, rubbing her eyes and stretching. “No, no, it’s perfect.” Her voice had gone back to a pitiful squeak, which earned a frown from Ezra. “I’m sorry, I’m the worst road trip buddy in the world.”

Ezra laughed. “It’s alright. You needed it.”

Lily met with the owner of the tree farm and agreed to the wholesale price. It was more than Evergreen Dream usually paid, but much lower than the quotes Lily had been getting on the phone. Once she saw the stack of trees ready to go near a warehouse in the back, she felt instant relief. This was really happening! Her problem had been solved, thanks to Ezra.

She looked on as Ezra and two employees discussed how they would load the trees on his truck and trailer. Now that she no longer had to worry about work, she couldn’t help but turn her full attention to Ezra. She gazed at his warm smile as he laughed with the employees, at his strong arms when he lifted up a tree. There was an undeniable attraction, but was it really a good idea to pursue it? She’d be back in Seattle at the end of the season, which was fast approaching.

Her phone rang, interrupting her thoughts. She checked the caller ID and saw Ella’s photo, probably calling for a little ‘I told you so’ reminder. Lily looked back at Ezra and figured it would take a while to load all the trees, so she had time for a quick chat.

“Hey El,” she said, her voice beyond hoarse.

“Oh my god, Lily. You sound absolutely terrible.”

“I know, I know.” Lily walked a few steps away from the warehouse. “Turns out you were right about everything. The cold, the boss… everything.”

Ella sighed at the other end of the line. “You know I usually like to hear you say I’m right, but this time, I’m just worried.”

“Don’t, I’m currently fixing it. Well, actually, Ezra is fixing it for me as we speak.”

“Ezra? The cute guy who offered you a singing gig?”

“Yep, the same one!” Lily looked back at Ezra. He was still hauling trees into the bed of the truck.

Ella laughed. “Girl, I can hear the dreamy tone even with your voice all fucked up. Are you guys hitting it up?”

“El! Come on! We’ve just met, and I’m not like that. You know me.”

“Lily, I’ve been telling you this for years. Have some fun, for christ’s sake. At least take the guy on a date or two while you’re there. What’s the harm?”

Lily rubbed her nose with her gloved hand. “What if I want more?”

“Then you can call me and we’ll figure it out. You already took a chance with this job, why not embrace it fully and live a little?”

“I just—hhh… Da—damnit… I hhaave to… sn—“

She moved the phone away from her face, covering her nose with her scarf.

“Hhh—iihh—sheeeew! Iihh—tsheeew! Hhh… G—god… Hhh—iih—TSHEEEW!”

“Bless you,” said Ezra not too far behind her.

Lily jumped and turned around. Ezra was walking towards her with a deep frown on his face. She brought the phone back to her ear long enough to blurt out, “I gotta go.” She could hear Ella’s faint voice yelling at her to “get some rest, for Pete’s sake.”

“Sorry, I didn’t mean to interrupt,” said Ezra, examining her with soft eyes. “It’s just… It’s really cold out here and… I noticed that you were shivering.”

Lily hadn’t even noticed, but he was right. Her whole body was shaking, and she realized just how cold she was. The humid wind blew right through her, chilling her to the bone.

“Why don’t you go wait in the truck?” he added gently. “I don’t want you to get worse.”

Thirty minutes later, Ezra and Lily drove off with the forty Christmas trees secured in the truck bed and on the trailer. Lily felt giddy with relief. She couldn’t wait to see the happy faces of customers coming in to buy the tree they actually wanted, instead of seeing their disappointed look as they left empty-handed. She never knew a Christmas tree lot could become so depressing, and she never wanted to experience it again.

“I don’t even know how to repay you,” said Lily.

“It was nothing, really. I enjoyed this little road trip.” Ezra kept his eyes on the road, as if stricken by shyness.

Lily remembered Ella’s advice on the phone, and before her brain could even catch on, she heard herself say, “How about we test your goalie skills tomorrow night?”

Ezra turned his head to look at her, his smile so warm it threatened to catch fire. “That sounds great!” He thought for a moment and added, “But are you sure you’ll be better by then?”

Lily nodded, confident. “For sure. I’m never sick more than one or two days. I already feel better!” It was a little lie, but she knew that with her anxiety gone, she’d be able to sleep and would be as good as new in the morning.

“Tomorrow night it is, then!”

*****

“Just go back to bed,” said Aiden, leaning back on the counter, watching Lily down cold medicine tablets with a sip of coffee. “You’re obviously not better.”

It was the next day, well into the afternoon, and the lot was as busy as ever. But Lily hadn’t woken up as good as new, as she’d expected. In fact, she definitely felt worse.

“I’m fine,” she squeaked.

“That is definitely not the sound of a ‘fine’ person,” mocked Aiden.

Lily turned around quickly, grabbing tissues from a box nearby. “Iihh—tsheeeew!”

“Also not a ‘fine’ sound. Just FYI.”

Lily glared at him over her tissues. She did not have the energy to banter with Aiden. Her throat hurt, her head throbbed, her sinuses felt heavy and hot. She had on about four layers of clothes, but couldn’t seem to get warm. However, since they’d brought in more trees, they were dealing with an uptick in customers, and Lily couldn’t afford to stay back. Especially since Tommy had called in sick and nobody else that wasn’t already working today was available.

“Suit yourself,” said Aiden, raising his hands in capitulation.

Since her voice was too hoarse to try to sell trees, and she didn’t want to risk infecting customers by handling their money, Lily had decided to take on the job of wrapping the Christmas trees in mesh and resupplying the lot when trees sold. It was a grueling, physical job that drained her already limited energy, but it was the most logical decision. She managed to take a few breaks during the day, sleeping in the RV whenever she could, but she still worked on the lot from opening ‘til close.

When 10 pm rolled around and the lot had finally closed, she sat down on a stool, exhausted, while Aiden counted the money.

“Now you can finally go to sleep,” said Aiden, writing down the amount on an inventory sheet.

Lily shook her head. “Can’t.”

“What? Why not? Don’t tell me you’re going to clean up the lot, I swear to god…”

Lily laughed, which caused her to cough a little. “No, it’s not that. I’ve got a… thing.”

Aiden gave her a knowing smile. “A thing, huh? With who?” He shook his head. “Actually you know what? It doesn’t matter who. You should definitely cancel.”

Lily had debated canceling all day, but she really wanted to go. She had already taken another dose of cold medicine and knew it would kick in long enough for her to enjoy her date. Since Ezra was picking her up at 10:30, she figured they would play hockey for an hour or two and call it a night. After a day of dragging trees around, ice skating sounded like a lovely, relaxing time.

And she really wanted to see Ezra.

“I’m not going to cancel. He’s already seen me sick anyway.”

Aiden squinted his eyes. “Wait… Is it Ezra? It’s Ezra, isn’t it?” He started laughing. “You’ve got a date with Ezra. I knew it!”

“Oh shush,” said Lily, wiping her nose for the millionth time. “We’re just going to hang out for a couple of hours. It’s not really a date per se.”

“I think you guys look cute together,” mocked Aiden, batting his eyes. He zipped the cash pouch and handed it to Lily. “Have fun on your *cough* date *cough*.” He gasped, overplaying an expression of surprise. “Oh no, I think you got me sick!”

Lily smacked his arm with the envelope, and Aiden fake-coughed as he walked to his car. “I might have to call in sick tomorrow like Tommy *cough* *cough*.”

“Wait, is he not actually sick?”

Aiden turned around and shrugged, still walking backward towards the parking lot. “I promised I wouldn’t say anything,” he shouted as he reached his car. “Feel better!”

Lily shook her head, trying not to get mad at Tommy. She breathed out and headed to her trailer to freshen up. Of course, Ezra had seen her sick the day before, but this was an actual date—no matter how much she’d downplayed it to Aiden.

She splashed cold water on her face from the small kitchen sink, and managed to put on enough makeup to look presentable. She kept on her layers of clothing, dreading even the idea or removing them and feeling the cold on her skin. Thankfully, the pills had started to take effect and her headache eased. Her nose also wasn’t as runny. It’ll be fine, she thought. Just as she finished up, she heard Ezra’s car driving into the lot and went outside to meet him.

Ezra waved to Lily as he got out of the car. Lily waved back, but a prickle hit deep in her sinuses, forcing her to divert all of her attention to it. She murmured a quick “oh!” and brought her hand to her face, ready to catch the sneezes.

“Hhh—iihh—tsheeeew! Iih—tsheeeew! Iihh—TSHEEEEW!”

“Oh no,” said Ezra as he reached her. “I was going to ask if you’re feeling better, but I guess I have my answer.”

Lily sniffled, reaching for tissues stashed in her coat pocket. “I’m fine,” she said. “Still getting over this cold but I really want to play hockey.”

Ezra hesitated, surveying her face, as if for any signs that she wasn’t well enough. “Are you sure you’re up for it?”

Lily nodded with big, hopeful eyes as she dabbed at her nose.

“It’s hard to resist that look,” said Ezra, chuckling. “Let’s go.”

*****

Snow had started falling by the time they arrived at the location. It was a small natural preserve with hiking trails snaking through a dense wooded area. The place was quiet and the path well lit, creating a magical atmosphere with the puffy snowflakes dancing in the light. They walked beneath tall and narrow trees, the sound of their boots crunching in the snow filling the air.

“The pond is about two minutes that way,” said Ezra, pointing forward. He was carrying two pairs of ice skates slung on his shoulder, their blades occasionally clinking together.

“It’s so quiet,” murmured Lily. “Whenever it snows at night, it always feels like I’m in a monastery. Like I should keep my voice down and pay my respect to Mother Nature.”

“I know what you mean,” said Ezra. “All the sounds are muffled. It feels like we’re walking into a tunnel, and we’re about to step into outerspace at any moment.”

They kept walking in silence for a bit, until the wind picked up and sent a flurry of sharp ice flakes on Lily’s face. Somehow, a few of them hit her sensitive nostrils, and she gasped as a wave of prickles assaulted her nose. “Oh no,” she whispered, before bending away from Ezra to sneeze.

“Hhh—iihh—sheeew! Iihh—TSHEEEW!”

The last sneeze had been particularly loud, and it echoed in the forest around them. Ezra cracked up, managing a “bless you” in between laughs. “So much for the monastery peacefulness,” he said, and Lily burst out laughing as well.

When they finally reached the pond, Lily gasped in admiration. It was a small patch of ice in the middle of a clearing, surrounded by the same lanky trees from the trail. Warm Christmas lights had been strung on their naked branches, creating an intimate, breathtaking ambience.

Ezra guided Lily to a large horizontal trunk on the side of the pond that people had been using as a bench. As they both sat to tie their skates on, snow stopped falling and the clouds started clearing, letting in a bit of moonlight.

“Do you think skating is like riding a bike?” Ezra asked as he bent behind the trunk to retrieve two well-used hockey sticks and a puck.

“I hope so,” Lily said before standing up and awkwardly walking to the ice. She put her first skate on the ice, apprehensive, and then the other. The first few kicks were a bit wobbly, and Ezra stayed by her side just in case, but Lily soon got her bearings and glided around the ice like it was second nature. It felt great to be back.

They circled the pond a few times, Lily reacquainting herself with the techniques and trying a few things like skating backward and pivoting.

“How does it feel?” asked Ezra, watching her with a delighted smile.

“Amazing,” said Lily, feeling the rush of adrenaline as she picked up speed.

Ezra handed her a hockey stick when she skated by him. She grabbed it and started playing with the puck.

“Where’s the goal?” she said, sniffling.

“We usually use branches. Here,” Ezra said, skating to the edge and hopping in the snow to gather a few branches. He placed them on the ice in the shape of a two-dimensional goal.

Lily laughed. “Did you guys run out of money after buying all the lights?”

“Did I mention we were unofficially playing hockey?” said Ezra, chuckling. “But I meant what I said about being a good goalie. Show me what you’ve got.”

They played for a good twenty minutes, Lily scoring goal after goal as Ezra tried to keep his branches from sliding away. They both laughed so hard that soon, none of them could even hold up the hockey sticks.

“How about a break?” asked Ezra, out of breath.

Lily nodded. Fatigue hit her like a ton of bricks, her energy finally reaching the “Empty” gage and sputtering. She wondered if the medicine had stopped working early, too, because all of her symptoms were back. It didn’t matter, though. She felt happy.

She sniffed, trying to keep her nose from running, but instead caused cold air to hit too deep. She felt a burning sensation that turned into another irritating prickle. She let go of the hockey stick, which clattered on the ice at her feet, and dug for tissues from her coat pocket.

“Everything OK?” asked Ezra, sitting on the ice near his goal.

Lily nodded. “Just—hhh got… gotta—hhh… Iihh—TSHEEEEW!”

The sneeze overpowered her small frame, and she bent forward under the force of it, losing footing. Her reflex was to counterbalance and straighten her back, only causing her to slip further and fall flat on her butt.

Ezra shot up to his feet, rushing to her side. “Are you OK?!”

Lily laid all the way back on the ice, laughing. “This is ridiculous,” she said, giggling and coughing a little. “I’m such a mess, I can’t believe you even agreed to this.” She brought the tissues back up to her nose to wipe it.

Ezra laid next to her on the ice. “You’re not a mess,” he said with a smile. “You’re adorable.”

Lily stopped laughing and blushed, her eyes fixed on the sky. Clouds had completely cleared, uncovering a night full of stars, so many stars that Lily couldn’t take them all in.

“I forgot about the stars,” she said, breathless.

“It’s the best part.”

Lily turned her head towards Ezra. “I’m glad I came here.”

“Me too,” said Ezra, looking into Lily’s eyes.

They both inched closer to each other, their lips almost touching. “What about my cold?” whispered Lily.

“The one I gave you?” Ezra whispered back, a hint of a smile on his lips, and all Lily wanted was to taste it.

Their lips touched in a shy and delicate kiss, until Ezra removed his gloves to cradle Lily’s face in his hands. Their kissed instantly took a passionate turn... That is until Lily gasped and moved her head away. Her breath hitched as they were still inches apart. She quickly brought her scarf over her nose and ducked away from Ezra.

“Iihh—tsheeew! Hhh—Ihh—sheeeew!”

“Bless you—“

“Iihh—thseeew—Iihh—TSHEEEW! Hhh—ihh—TSHEEEW!”

“Oh, Lily… bless you,” said Ezra, frowning. “You’re so sick.”

They both sat up, and Lily brought out more tissues to wipe her irritated nose. “Sorry about this,” she said, embarrassed.

“Don’t be. I just…” he looked at her closely, and his concern only seemed to deepen. He put his hand on her forehead, gently. “I figured. You have a fever, sweetheart. Let’s get you home.”

*****

Ezra held the door to the RV open for Lily, and followed her in.

“Do you need anything?” he asked as she removed her beanie and her gloves.

“No, I should be alright. I still have some of the medicine you bought.”

Ezra looked around with a shocked expression that made Lily wonder if she’d left something scandalous out in the open. But then again, she didn’t exactly have anything scandalous to leave out.

“Is this really where you’ve been sleeping since you’ve arrived?” asked Ezra in disbelief.

“Yes…” said Lily, not following. It wasn’t exactly luxury, but it was tidy enough.

“It’s incredibly drafty,” he said, pushing on the door and putting his hand around the frame to feel for cold air. “No wonder you got sick.” He moved to the window in the kitchen area and checked there too. “And no wonder you never got better.”

Lily shrugged. “I spend most of my time out there near the heating lamp. In here, I just sleep under a bunch of blankets.”

“That’s not enough if you’re sick,” said Ezra, worried. “Why don’t you come sleep at my place?” And then, as if he realized that what he’d said sounded lewd, he added quickly. “I’ve got a guest room, of course.”

Lily laughed. “I think you’re overreacting a little bit.”

“I just hate the thought of leaving you here with a fever,” he said, looking so sad that it almost broke Lily’s heart. “I’ve got a fireplace. And hot food.”

Lily imagined sitting in front of a fireplace, and suddenly, the RV felt as freezing as a dead cold heart. And if she was honest with herself, she knew she didn’t have the energy to spend the entire night battling a fever in the RV. She would probably sleep in her winter coat to avoid the dreaded feeling of slipping into a cold bed.

She nodded. “A fireplace sounds very nice.”

*****

The thermometer beeped, and Ezra took it out of Lily’s mouth. He frowned and touched her forehead again, then her cheek. “You feel much warmer than it says,” he murmured. “Is this thing broken?”

They sat on Ezra’s couch in front of the beautiful stone fireplace of his small chalet-style home. A huge window covered the front wall of the house, reaching up to the second floor, and Lily couldn’t stop gazing out at the tall snowy pines swaying in the wind, enthralled by the gorgeous winter view.

“Your hands are still cold from being outside,” said Lily, smiling. “It’s not that bad, don’t worry.” She put her hand on Ezra’s arm, hoping to ease the worry lines etched on his forehead. “I promise.”

Ezra gave her a sad smile. “You’ve been saying that since the start, but you just get worse.”

Lily gestured around the cozy living room. “How can I not get better now that I’m here?” She resisted the urge to say ‘with you,’ wondering if it was a bit too cheesy, even though she meant it. “I still can’t believe you live here.” The other Christmas tree she’d sold to Ezra stood next to the roaring fire, elegant and sparsely decorated, which let the natural branches shine.

Ezra chuckled. “I’m used to it by now, I guess. It was our parents’ home after Melinda and I both moved out. I bought it from them when they retired, and Melinda has been staying here for now.” He put the thermometer back on the coffee table and readjusted the blanket on Lily’s shoulders. “Relationship troubles,” he whispered, even though Melinda was fast asleep in her bedroom upstairs.

“It’s like living in a vacation chalet all year-long,” she mused. Her breath caught in her throat as the persistent feathery tickle at the back of her nose flared again. She bent down to retrieve a few tissues from the coffee table and let her breath hitch, no longer having the energy to fight them.

“Hhh… Hhh—ihh—tsheeeew!” Lily covered her nose with the tissues, jerking forward with the force of the irritated, exhausted sneezes. “Ihh—tsheeeew!” She gasped, expecting a third sneeze that didn’t materialize. She felt Ezra's hand on her back rubbing in circles as she waited, her nose itching furiously, her head titled back and her mouth parted slightly. “G—god… Hhh… Ihh—TSHEEEEW! Ihh—TSHEEEEEW!”

“Bless you.” Ezra shook his head, still rubbing Lily’s back. He gazed into her watery, feverish eyes. “It’s killing me how sick you look. I just want to hug you and make it all go away.”

Lily wiped her nose and groaned, melting into Ezra’s hand on her back. He shifted closer to her and opened his arms. She gratefully put her head on his chest as he embraced her tenderly and kissed the top of her head. “I have to say, you are the most adorable sick person I have ever met in my life,” he said, chuckling. “Down to your cute squeaky sneeze.”

Lily laughed, which turned into a small cough.

“Sorry,” whispered Ezra, rubbing her back again. “I shouldn’t make you laugh.”

“Isn’t laughter the best medicine?” asked Lily, getting sleepier by the minute.

“Rest is the best medicine,” said Ezra. “You should get some sleep. You need to get better so that you can taste my delicious turkey on Christmas Eve.”

Lily smiled, imagining spending Christmas in the chalet with Ezra. She drifted off to sleep with a contented sigh, listening to the crackle of the fire.

She awoke early the next morning in the guest bedroom, still fully clothed but underneath the covers. She got up, shivering, her head still full of cold, her throat still hurting, but her spirits high. She tiptoed downstairs to the kitchen/living room area. Nobody else was awake yet. She stood in front of the large window, in awe. Huge snowflakes fell from the sky like strands of silk, covering her entire field of vision. The only thing she could see through the white blanket was the pines, strong and proud, their green branches peeking through as if nothing could defeat them.

She wiggled her nose, feeling a sneeze brewing. She cupped her hand over her mouth and nose, hoping to stifle as to not wake anyone up. She hitched a few times until the sneezes tumbled out of her.

“Hhh—ihhh—NNGXXShh! Ihh—NNGXShheew! Iihh—NNGXXXShh!”

“Bless you,” said a voice at the top of the stairs.

Lily turned around to see Ezra in a t-shirt and flannel pants coming down the stairs, looking sleepy and gorgeous. Her heart flipped in her chest.

“You should still be in bed,” he said with a warm smile, as if he were glad that she wasn’t. “Are you feeling OK?” He didn’t wait for her answer, and put his lips near her temple. “You don’t feel too warm. That’s good,” he murmured.

Lily smiled and embraced him, nuzzling her head in his chest. Ezra put his arms around her, and she felt instantly safe. “I was just thinking,” she said, glancing back at the window. “I think I love snow after all.”

Ezra chuckled. “I’m glad you do.”

They stood there in the early morning light, watching the snow fall.

“I could get used to this,” said Lily.

There was a small moment of silence, as if Ezra was holding his breath.

“I hope you do,” he finally said, and Lily could hear the warmth of his smile filling his voice.

And she decided it was all the warmth she would ever need.

THE END

[monkey-network]

Why Klaus IS Christmas Kino

Klaus isn’t flawless, let’s get this out the way. My love for this film won’t deny that it bears a couple nits that can distract the experience. Jesper and Alva’s relationship felt like an eye-rolling inevitability, notable cliches here & there, a notable song felt both fitting and out of place, and while enjoyable, I’m not as big a fan of the climax as I thought. But in spite of it all, I love this film and it is one of the best modern animated Christmas films, period? Follow me here. I could go on about its wonderful animation cuz yeah, it’s unlike any other film. But a philosophy of mine is that the best animation enhances the writing and I can say Klaus is that surprisingly well written and has become an all time Christmas fave

*deep breath in* So let’s do this...

I mention that Klaus has its cliches, but you gotta know that it’s smarter than expected. Believe me when I say if the writers didn’t care, this could’ve actually been so much worse. Jesper could’ve been more manipulative towards everyone for his goals, Klaus would’ve given up entirely after knowing the truth about Jesper, we could’ve had an argument between Jesper and his dad about upholding business, the townsfolk could’ve reverted back to their old ways, plenty writing moments where this could’ve been Emoji Movie levels of insulting to your intellect. BUT, they don’t. The film never really turns back on itself, it keeps moving where, as the notable quote goes, an act of good will sparks another as it starts with Jesper’s father.

Even if nepotism was responsible for Jesper getting the job in the first place, he clearly sees his son be more spoiled than he’s worth so is like, “Ma boi, I will send you to the ends of the earth or leave you to the streets if you don’t do something with yourself.” He never cared about his son representing the postal company, or ruining his top class image, he was only tired of Jesper taking advantage of his fortune while not having any ambition of his own. Can’t help but say Jesper’s dad is a very respectable character because the sole reason the whole plot happened in the first place was because he just wanted his son to do better. It’s that act of genuine consideration that pushes Jesper to his wake up call as he reaches Smeerensburg.

People have compared this movie to Emperor’s New Groove through Jesper’s character and I say yes, but this film takes that next step and put Jesper in the pit of pits way early. Reminds me more of Ratatouille’s beginning where Remy’s lowest point is around the same time as Jesper’s. The harsh atmosphere of the island is treated very blunt in how this is our mailman’s nightmare come true. With his situation, our guy is truly at his lowest. Gives up now, he’ll be cut off his inheritance and probably will have worse. Everyone hates him and each other, his post office itself is in shambles, symbolic of how communication is practically thin outside conflict, and the teacher turned fish seller Alva is that path Jesper could notably be if he didn’t try. Everything is literally grey for this guy, but like Ratatouille, when you’re at your lowest there’s no where else to go but up. That’s where Klaus comes in...

This is genuinely the most clever interpretation of Santa I know, hands down. A well established woodsman, a crafter both of living, for him and the birds that reside in his woods, and recreation with the toys he made himself not just for kids, but specifically the kids he and his wife wanted but couldn’t have. Klaus feels like a real person, not just another take on the mythical man. You’re with him and Jesper as he, after familiar winds provide him a letter, a small spark to do something good, soon opens up and gets reminded of what’s kept him going all these years. It is no wonder he sees his wife in Jesper, it’s thanks to him that he could refurbish his dashed dream into a new one. He didn’t just want to do it for the children of the island, but for himself. That is another thing about this film: communication. I mention before how it’s practically thin at first due to a long going feud that isn’t even aware of why it’s still going. The joy in hate is only for hatred’s sake, and they make it very clear how miserable it all feels. That is where Jesper comes in. They don’t take shortcuts with how he gets the ball rolling, both accidentally and purposefully, he boots up to get things done, pushes himself to go to Klaus to make things happen. This is all in part by the youth, what really ties the plot together...

As I mentioned before (again), life in Smeerensburg is noticeably miserable but thanks to Klaus, by extension Jesper, the kids are enticed to do what it takes to get some genuine joy in their lives through the toys they’re able to get. They’ll make them letters, and if they can’t write, they’ll go to Alva for teachings, and if they act naughty, they’ll try to do good which in turn pushes the adults to do good for the sake of their kids. It really would’ve been one thing to sure enough make the kids spoiled because of the toy giving, focusing more on the extrinsic value of Klaus’s kindness but no. The children are very grateful for these gifts enough to feel compelled to do good, and it makes them feel good as much as it soon makes the adults more convinced to stop fighting. It helps that this all takes place in older times cuz I believe this would’ve been far different, possibly worse, if this took place in modern times. That or just kinda rip off Arthur Christmas, it’s my guess. As such, it gradually becomes an amazing Christmas film because it isn’t just the presents, the Santa Claus myth, the festive style of it all that makes this holiday special to me. It’s the warmth... of togetherness.

My favorite detail about Klaus is how it transitions from cold to warm with its atmosphere. We start out with the emptiest, harshest environment, enough fog to choke your eyes, and then we get to this moment with a brighter, clearer sight of the more united town as the Christmas spirit builds in the film, even when it isn’t even that day yet in-universe, so too does the warmhearted feeling that can come from celebrating it appear more and more. This film fleshes out more of what the Grinch taught me, what A Charlie Brown Christmas taught me, what I’ve come to appreciate about Christmas as I grew up in this materialistic world. I can say everyday can have the Holiday spirit, but Christmas is the time where I feel compelled to be grateful of what I’ve made and got and give back when honestly, I don’t care about getting the most expensive stuff anymore like I used to when I was way younger. This film is so sincere in what it wants to say, and you know this is indeed the same guy that made Minions. Yeah, not kidding and I’ll let you sit with that if you’re reading this as I continue because we have to talk about that moment...

Yeah, I don’t like being the Nostalgia Critic, but I too don’t take kindly to the ‘liar reveal’ trope myself and this could’ve been a point where the film lost me a little. Though you know what? It still works. See, with that trope, what sucks is that it can tend to unravel the plot to where you know as soon as they break apart, they’ll get back together regardless of the deed done. This is why I don’t like A Bug’s Life, don’t @ me. But I’m not saying it can’t done right, like in Over the Hedge. The breakup between Jesper and the others is painful, but it is necessary to give us a couple great character moments. One is with Jesper and his dad, who came back personally to see that Jesper has indeed built something for himself. We get no dialogue between them but it’s clear that even when Jesper’s unintentionally successful thanks to Yzma and Bubba, he can tell his son wasn’t happy leaving everything behind, so he lets him stay since that was what he truly wanted this whole time. Again, give that man some credit for amazing dad. Another moment comes before the big reveal where not only do we see Jesper come to understand his own guilt surrounding his original intentions, but in the end they never hated him for coming back, especially due to him inadvertently stopping the enemy feud all together. Lastly, without that moment, we probably wouldn’t have got this smile. When Margu, purest character ever that I could make a whole segment about but I don’t wanna keep you too long, started to tear up after calling for Jesper thinking he left for good but she then sees our guy never really left and we get this teary smile:

I felt that. Almost more than anything else in this film.

Cliched as it can appear, the execution excels in those more memorable emotions for this film. It’s been a year since I watched this again and I remember so much about these characters. And my god, I haven’t even gotten to the animation which... my god.

Klaus is indeed the most beautiful upon beautiful films I’ve seen, and what makes it better is that it all enhances the story. I mention before of its transitional visual from cold to warm sights, but goddamn, the character designs, the environments, the expressiveness, the textures all amount to style perfect for this alone. I think it would’ve as well received if it had a more flat look, but they seriously went higher for a traditional appealing story that compliments the unique children’s storybook look of it all. This honestly is better than most of modern Disney films that I’ve seen, ironic since it feels like if you took Tangled the Series and made it 3D with more fluid character animation. And if I’m comparing something to the continuous mindblower that’s Tangled the Series, you’ve most certainly got on my best side.

Sergio Pablos and his team really pulled no punches in making this a great movie. A great Christmas movie, one worth seeing if not at least once but every Holiday season for tradition’s sake. Klaus gave me a good time, made me cry, and above all showed me to never stop having a good heart because doing good can indeed go far, thankless as it can be. Heck, my heart felt more rejuvenated than before in making this critique, that’s a testament to how much good this film means to me personally. What else is there to say?

It's The Best

[gravelyhumerus]

“just like a folk song (our love will be passed on)”

Fandom: Criminal Minds

Relationship: Jemily

Summary: Pregnant? Off a one-night hookup that convinced her that the relationship wouldn’t go anywhere? Impossible. Improbable. Unlikely.

Word count: 3,086

Read it on AO3 

Chapter One, Chapter Two

Content warning: mentions of Emily’s abortion and discussions of some canon typical violence.

Sitting at the edge of Emily’s large, porcelain bathtub, JJ wrung her hands. She hadn’t planned to take the pregnancy test that morning, but she had barely slept the night before. Her anxious thoughts kept her tossing and turning, wondering if she was pregnant or not. 

What would she even do if she was pregnant? What would she say to Emily?

It was their first weekend off in over a month, and instead of relaxing with her girlfriend, JJ was more stressed than she was when she was actively chasing down the worst of humanity. An unsub holding a gun to her head was not nearly as terrifying as this moment, as JJ sat and waited for the little plus or minus to tell her whether she was going to have a baby. 

The test rested on the tub next to her. JJ kept her eyes away from it, watching the two minute timer tick down on her phone. 

Emily spoke from just outside of the bathroom: “Hey, are you struggling with the shower again? I know it’s annoying, I can turn it on for you.”

JJ stiffened, realizing that she hadn’t turned the water on yet. She had told Emily she was showering as a cover for taking the test, then she hadn’t done the one thing that would hide the truth. 

She hated keeping all of this from Emily. Even when they were just friends, JJ found herself telling Emily everything. But, she still wasn’t sure how on earth she would tell Emily about the situation, either way. 

The profiler knocked again and said: “JJ?”

JJ tried to speak but let out a strangled noise, her voice unexpectedly thick with emotion.

“Are you ok?” Emily asked. “Are you still not feeling well?” 

The door opened a crack.

“Can I come in?” Her voice was soft, caring. The sound of it felt like a hug. 

“Yeah,” JJ managed. 

Emily stood in the doorframe, taking in the scene in front of her, her eyes filled with concern. She looked JJ up and down, then flicked around the room until they rested on the pregnancy test. 

“Oh,” Emily said. 

JJ could see the thoughts racing through Emily’s mind. The brunette’s brow furrowed as she processed the information. Then, Emily seemed to make up her mind, walking towards JJ and sitting on the toilet seat lid. She took JJ’s hand in hers.

“Is it mine?” Emily asked as a hint of a smile pulled on her lips. 

JJ  let out a sigh of relief at how calm Emily was with being confronted by her maybe-pregnant girlfriend in her bathroom. 

The timer went off on her phone. Emily squeezed JJ’s hands tightly. It was time to look.

“I’m pregnant.” 

———

Three tests later JJ was very much pregnant, and Emily was not quite sure what to say. They had just started to date, and she had no idea what this meant for them. 

When Emily asked how this all came to be, JJ explained that she had only spent one night with Will, back when she and Emily had just been friends. It was a relief to hear, especially when fearing the worst, but it didn’t make the whole situation any less complicated. 

Emily was forcing herself to tuck all her feelings away to be there for JJ through this, even if only as a friend. She would be whatever JJ needed. 

As the frenzy of the tests subsided, the two women sat in silence eating the scrambled eggs that Emily had managed to make for lunch. She wasn’t a good cook, but she felt the need to keep busy and keep her whirlwind of a brain at bay. JJ had a panicked look in her eyes. She was almost vibrating with anxiety, so Emily tried to keep her calm if only with her presence.

But there was only so much she could do before the questions came tumbling out of her mouth. 

Emily decided to give JJ an out. A free, no hard feelings free pass out of the relationship. JJ was pregnant for God's sake, she wouldn’t want to stay with Emily. She just needed to let JJ go. Their relationship was new, barely started. It would be a clean break. 

“You should call him,” Emily said, her voice calm, measured. “Tell him about it.”

JJ’s eyes shot up, and she squinted at Emily in confusion.

“Why? I’d rather talk about what this means for us.”

“What do you mean by us?”

JJ set her fork down on her plate and reached across Emily’s wooden kitchen table. 

“You’re my girlfriend, Emily,” JJ said. 

Emily blinked. They weren’t over after all. 

“Oh my god, Emily, no,” JJ said, standing up and walking over to her. Her hands grasped Emily’s face to pull her into a kiss. “Did you think–”

“I thought that you wouldn’t want...” Emily gestured vaguely, “Me, I guess.”

“You can’t get rid of me that easily,” JJ said, kissing Emily’s forehead.

JJ pulled away, wrapping her arms around Emily’s neck. In exchange, Emily rested her hands on JJ’s hips. 

“I just,” JJ said, her voice almost a whisper, “I don't really know what to do. This is a lot. For me, for us.”

“Think about it,” Emily suggested. “You don’t need to make any decisions when the information is fresh. You’re probably still in shock.”

An unspoken understanding passed between them. Emily knew exactly what JJ was going through. But instead of being a struggling sixteen year old in Rome, she was a 27 year old FBI agent with a stable job, a home and a girlfriend. Still, Emily knew that fear and uncertainty intimately. No matter the circumstances, it was absolutely terrifying. 

 “You’re right,” JJ said. 

JJ pressed a soft kiss onto her girlfriend’s forehead. Emily’s eyes flickered closed as she leaned into the gesture. 

“Thank you for being you, Emily.”

———

That night, both agents lay awake late into the night. The only light came from the streetlights below them, illuminating the room in a dim warm glow. The familiar sounds of the busy Washington, DC streets were faintly audible. It was peaceful, yet the weight of the day’s events was heavy on their minds.  

JJ’s blonde hair tickled Emily’s nose as she buried her face in her golden locks. Her arms wrapped around her girlfriend's smaller frame, their bodies fit together perfectly. While JJ’s breath came evenly, Emily could tell that she was still awake. 

Emily’s fingers were intertwined with JJ’s, and the media liaison rubbed her thumb along the back of Emily’s hand. The gesture was subtle, but let her know that JJ wanted her there, wanted her to stay close. 

The whole day brought back memories for Emily. Hard memories. But it wasn’t about her, it was about JJ. She needed to keep it together. 

JJ wasn’t some lost teenager like Emily was. They would be okay, no matter what. At least, that was how Emily reassured herself. 

Emily didn’t regret her abortion at all. She was able to live her full life because of it. She wouldn’t have made it to where she was now, without her friend Matthew. When she closed her eyes, she could almost picture him with his floppy hair and earnest eyes, squeezing her hand, telling her it was all going to be okay. That was the beginning of the end of her drought relationship with religion, because she knew people like her weren’t welcome there. 

She knew JJ hadn’t grown up with the same religious upbringing that she had. Sure, the Jareaus went to church on Easter and Christmas, but Emily knew she wasn’t raised in the same strict Catholic environment like she experienced with Elizabeth Prentiss, especially when they lived in Rome. Not that that made the decision any easier, but at least the weight on JJ’s shoulders wouldn’t be as heavy. 

Maybe JJ would choose not to have the baby. It was an accident, after all. And with their relationship still in its infancy, there was a lot that could go wrong. That didn’t even factor in that they were FBI agents who fly across the country every few weeks. 

Keeping it was a whole other issue. Emily had thought of having children, had always wanted to. With every case involving an orphaned child or one in foster care, something inside of Emily yearned to just take the child in her arms and protect it from the world. 

“I think it's a good idea, though,” JJ had said to her on the jet.

“What's that?” Emily asked, looking across at the blonde.

“You. Kids. I can see it.”

The comment made something in Emily’s stomach flutter.

“Yeah?”

JJ nodded. Emily looked out the window, deep in thought. At the time, she wouldn’t let herself imagine that with JJ, it seemed so far fetched. So impossible. 

Now, with JJ in her arms. Emily could see it too.  

“Either way, no matter what,” Emily found herself whispering before she even planned what she was going to say. “Just know that I’m not going anywhere.”

Emily squeezed JJ tightly, kissing her shoulder and smiling. She meant it. There was something about their relationship, albeit newly established, that felt so right. 

JJ didn’t react at first, and for a moment, Emily wondered if she had fallen asleep. Then, she heard JJ swallow before speaking. 

“I’ve always wanted to be a mom,” she replied, her voice barely above a whisper. 

Emily pulled her closer.

[timextoxhajima]

Grounded: Level 6

Level 5 | Level 7

Member: Minho (Lee Know)

Genre: idol minho x idol trainee reader, angst cause is it a dana fic if there is no angst

Taglist: @jaehyvnsvalentine @licorice526​ @lolwhatameme @felixn-recs @yunapixie ​

[J U N E 2 0 2 0]

“COOKIN’ LIKE A CHEF I’M A FIVE STAR 미슐랭 "미"의 정점을 찍고 눈에 보여 ILLUSION!” 

“Jesus Christ!” Ju Rin screams at all of you, yelling at the top of your lungs as you follow the lyrics and fanchant of the song. “The Hell’s wrong with you people?!”

Minjung giggles until she’s sobbing and rolling on the floor, So Eun and Gahyun take turns singing the lines of the different members while you get to your feet and stretch. 

You’re about to head out the studio to the bathroom when Ju Rin calls out to you, casually jogging over to you by the door. 

“Before I forget, Bang PD said he wanted to see you in his office tonight.”

The new information strikes an uncomfortable chord in you.

“What? Why? Did I do something-”

“No,” Ju Rin quickly shakes her head, hand coming to rest on your lower arm. “It’s time to make a decision. A real one,” She looks behind her shoulder and at the bunch of girls who were all younger than the both of you before turning back to you. “One that would be forged in your signature and last for the next 7 years.”

Ju Rin’s eyes hold worlds of both caution and wander. This is no longer just a game of “let me see how long more I can train before I think I’m ready”. It has become a fact that the company believes you’re ready, and now they’ll be presenting you with an opportunity of a lifetime. Something that you wouldn’t be able to reverse once you’ve agreed to it. 

“He said that if you can’t give him an answer tonight, he’ll understand, but you still need to make a decision after all... So,” She pauses and rubs your upper arms. “Think carefully, and make your decision wisely. I don’t want you to walk into something you’d want to walk out of.”

You’re in the pantry of the floor where it was quieter than normal - TXT had a schedule that day and wouldn’t be spending the day in the studio. The chance of a lifetime’s sitting in the heart of your palms now, all you have to do is to pick up a pen and write your name down before the next 7 years of your life would be planned out for you.

You weren’t sure if you needed someone’s motivation or encouragement to well your bravery for tonight, but you knew for sure you just needed to know someone would be there for you. 

You: Hey, call me when you’re free? I just... thought I should tell you something. 

Sucking in a deep breath, you hit send and drop the phone back into your pocket. The ceramic mugs by the coffee machine calls out to you, and you run one under the tap when you feel the vibration in your pocket. A smile stretches across your face, pleasantly surprised at the speed of reaction now.

“That was quick,” You flick the mug, water droplets hurling back into the sink. 

“What is it? Better be worth it, IN-ie just brought back some fried chicken and any longer I’ll- YAH! DON’T TOUCH MY SHARE!”

A sharp ring echoes through your right ear canal as you pull the phone away from your ear, “My God-”

“Yes,” The man returns to the line. “What was it you needed to tell me about?”

“Are you sure this is a good time?” You place your mug under the coffee machine nozzle and press the cappucino button. “I can call you back later-”

“No, no, it’s fine. We’re having our lunch break anyway. What’s wrong? You sound stressed.”

The steady stream of water, then coffee and milk creates a layer of foam in your mug. 

“Ah... Let me guess - It’s the contract.”

“Mm,” The hum might’ve been overwhelmed by the sudden cough and whir of the machine, but it goes back to it’s gentle chittering as the stream slows to a few droplets. 

“What are you worried about? You’ve already spent so much time training, not to mention building that bond with your members... Are you the only one that has yet to sign the contract?”

“No, they’re going by position and age. Ju Rin’s the only person who’s signed it and the rest don’t know yet.”

“Strange that you guys didn’t have the signing together.”

“Knowing Ju Rin, she probably wouldn’t have wanted that,” A pause as you process the thought of her being your leader. There was nobody else better to be it than her. “She wouldn’t have wanted anybody to sign it under pressure, so she probably suggested the individual signing to Bang PD instead.”

“Fair,” He pauses. “So, what now?”

“I don’t know.”

“’I don’t know’ doesn’t sound like a great response at this point of time.”

“I know... I just... What if... What if I’m not good enough, you know? What if I mess up along the way and Ju Rin or BigHit’s gotta clean up my shit?”

“Everybody messes up at some point or another. You’re gonna be under constant scrutiny, possibly apologise for things you don’t have to apologise for, but that’s just a small cost you need to pay for pursuing your dreams. You don’t get to paradise without riding the worst storms.”

You wrap your fingers around the ceramic of the cup, carefully pulling a sip of the foam onto your tongue. 

“I can hear you, you know.”

“Sorry,” Licking the foam off your upper lip, you snicker to yourself and turn to the door of the pantry, the metallic frame of the doors showing you a version of yourself that you wouldn’t have recognised four years ago. 

“Anyway, we both know you’ve already made your decision when you decided to stay for so long, and meet all your members. You’re only hesitating now because you’re afraid of mistakes, so if it makes you feel any better - which I know probably won’t - you will mess up, but it will be okay.”

“Great pep-talk,” You sneer into the receiver end of the phone. Minho’s laughter echoes through the line, and you can already picture his eyes turning into thick, dark lines as he smiles. 

“I always be here, alright? Nothing to fear.”

[N O V E M B E R 2 0 2 0]

“I’m not joking when I say I think Gahyun has a crush on Beom,” The drifting dried leaves on the floor crunch under your shoes as Minho turns to you, flicking a small twig out of your now blue-dyed hair. You just had your pre-debut photoshoot, and they were set to be released sometime in 2021. 

“Should you be telling me this information?” Minho readjusts his beret, making it fit better on his head while he leads you around the corner and up the stairs to some secret back door.

“Repeating this information to a bunch of girls who already know this information gets boring. Don’t you guys have crushes on like - TWICE or ITZY or something?”

“Oh, that’s a deep grave to dig,” He pushes the door open without hesitation, the scent of grilled chicken and wine hitting you straight in the face. 

“Aw, come on!” The whine is cut short when a waiter comes by to tend to you. It wasn’t a surprise when the waiter recognised him, even with all that disguise on. The restaurant was two floors worth, but only the first was open to the public. The second - specially reserved for idols. 

Man, the things Dispatch would do to know this place exists and the people idols bring here.

“We’re serving the Christmas specials today because we know a lot of companies are letting idols go for an advanced holiday,” The waiter pulls out two menus from under the desk where you’ve stopped, turning around and gesturing for you to follow him. “I’ll be your waiter for today, so just call for me if you need me.”

“Alright, thank you.”

You offered the waiter a smile, forgetting that the mask was hiding it. The waiter bows and leaves the two of you alone in the corner of the room, allowing Minho to finally feel comfortable enough to remove his mask.

A gasp gets sucked through your throat when you remove your mask, eyes glued to the menu. “Tangerine grilled chicken and steak!”

Minho doesn’t bother to stifle the yawn that was coming out from his lungs, eyes halving into long lines.

“Are you allowed to drink?” You notice the drinks menu, nearly the entire page covered with some kind of beer, soju, wine or sake. 

“I mean, I’m technically off work, and all those news sites don’t know this place exists so- as long as I’m not drunk, why not?”

“Very nice,” Scanning the list of alcohol, you decided Minho needed some outlet of release before he goes back to work - also known as being stressed 24/7.

Minho helped place your orders, and instead of the two glasses of wine you had initially wanted to order, he calls for an entire bottle of 1940 Chateau.

The waiter doesn’t seem at all bothered that the young idol was ordering a three-hundred-dollar bottle of alcohol, only focused on noting the food that was spewing off Minho’s tongue. The waiter then thanks the two of you, promising to return with the wine first before he leaves.

Leaning forwards across the table, your eyes frown at him. “Are you nuts? There’s no way we’re going to be able to finish that.”

Minho interlocks his fingers and rests his chin on them with his elbows perched on the surface of the table. “You underestimate me.”

An eyeroll finds you, snorting in exasperation before leaning back in your seat.

“I’m sorry for being busy recently. Pre-debut’s pretty tough.”

“I love how it took you three years before you understood that.”

You roll your eyes again.

“Anyway, how’s work? How are your members?”

“Ah- I bring you out for a nice meal and you repay me by asking me about how much money I earn? Eish-”

“Wha-” Hurling a pack of that alcohol wipes across the table, he snickered when it hits him and lands on the floor. “You’re really full of shit.”

Minho grins that gummy smile of his, pulling off his cap and ruffling his hair after picking up the pack of alcohol wipes. “Work’s fine. Mr Park Jin Young, however, suggested we do a 2PM cover during the SBS Gayo Daejeon festival at the end of the year.”

“2PM? Aren’t their concepts kinda... mature?” The utensils on the table garner your attention as Minho scans the message that popped up on his phone.

“Yeah, so guess what song we’re covering?”

You look up at the hint of pride in his voice, and his cheeks were cupped in his own hands, cutely staring at you.

A disgusted sneer finds your face and you pull one of his arms out from under him to stop the horrid sight. "Let me guess... Again and Again?"

"Wow, you're really good-"

"Aw, thanks-"

"At guessing the wrong answers.”

He flinches when you almost lunge forwards, fork in your grip.

"Why do I put up with you?"

"Because you love me too much to stop," His eyes are filled with playfulness, the kinds that you'd be able to recognise just by looking at his gaze.

"Ew," You don't take into consideration his choice of vocabulary, sitting back down in your seat when the bottle of wine comes. "Don't get too ahead of yourself."

Minho bites on his bottom lip to control the giggle that’s about to explode from his mouth, nodding subtly at the waiter so that he could get the bottle of wine open.

“Anyway, he suggested My House.”

Minho watched intently as your eyes double their original size, with the gentle gurgle of the wine being poured into the two glasses being the closest source of noise. He knows you’re about to burst out into some manic laughter, so he already has his lips tutted and and eyeroll ready to give himself a headache.

“My House?” You can feel your brows going so far up your forehead, it feels like you’re stretching the skin. “Park Jin Young wants a bunch of kids dancing to that song that’s about bringing a girl home and smashing? Ha!”

“Do you have nothing nice to say?”

“Says the one who just dissed me for giving wrong answers,” The waiter closes the wine bottle and places it into the ice bucket on the tray next to the table. Minho thanks the waiter, shaking his head as you take the glass and swirl the alcohol.

“I’ll let you win this one round,” He takes a sip from the wine. “So, I heard about the finalised line-up about your group.”

“Oh, that was a blast,” You offer a hearty laugh, memory unable to wipe away the visual of So Eun being crowned the ‘Centre’ of the group. Everyone had expected Gahyun, the Visual, to be the centre, and frankly, she hated it. So, it was all glitter and fireworks when it was announced Ga Eun be the center, essentially making her vice-Visual. You push your phone across the table, an unofficial and unpublished version of the BigHit website rolled up on the screen. 

“Wang Ju Rin, Leader, Lead Vocalist, Sub-Rapper. l/n y/n, Main Dancer, Lead-Rapper, Sub-Vocalist. Choi Ga Hyun, Lead Vocalist, Lead Rapper, Lead Dancer, Visual,” He pauses. “Ga Hyun sounds like a Han Jisung.”

“I see he’s your favourite member today.”

Glaring at you, he takes his time to return to the screen. “Kang So Eun, Main Rapper, Lead Dancer, Sub-Vocalist, Center. Gwang Min Jung, Main Vocalist, Lead Rapper, maknae,” He slides the phone back to you. “Remind me how old the rest are again, besides you and Ju Rin?”

“Gahyun and So Eun are 2001 liners but Min Jung is a 2003 liner.”

“Lovely age gap,” He shakes his head. “Then again IN debuted when he was 16 so I guess...”

“Funny how I was 16 when I was scouted,” You place the fork down, suddenly pulling the atmosphere down with you. 

“You talk about this as if you can erase that signature on that contract.”

“No, don’t get me wrong, I know I don’t regret it. I just-” A pause to collect your thoughts. “What else would I be doing other than this, you know? University? Working in some shoddy cafe?”

“What are you- writing a narrative for yourself now?”

“Jesus Christ, will you shut up for once in your life and let me finish my piece-”

[D E C E M B E R 2 0 2 0]

The manager for Stray Kids was busy sheltering you and a few other guests that the members themselves had chosen to be invited to the Gayo Daejeon Festival before the year ended. 

TXT was already in the building rehearsing and your trainee-members would be coming later nearer to their performance. 

Rain peltering against the black umbrella, the staff struggles to keep you and the other guests out of sight, though you've already been warned by the person who invited you to come in sunglasses and a mask. (Not that it was legal to walk around without one now anyway).

You've met the members’ siblings before, so the situation inside the vehicles were more than comfortable. The staff at SBS hands all of you visitor passes, with your name and the name of the person who invited you printed on the tag. The manager brings the group of you into the studio where the stage was set up, just in time to watch Stray Kids perform a practice round - this time, a cover of 2pm's My House.

"Wah!" Seungmin's sister exclaims and covers her mouth (as if her mask wasn't already doing the job), her free hand landing on your shoulder. "What is Lee Know even wearing?"

It hasn't even caught your attention, because you were so preoccupied with their voice checks. But you heed her advice and search for Minho on stage, eyes falling on someone back-facing you with a half-assed view of his back covered with a miserable layer of net.

"Someone’s stylist felt cheeky today," Laughing under your breath, Seungmin's sister gently nudges you as a response. Minho was fixing his earpiece when his eyes start wandering, and even in the bad lighting off the stage, he could still spot you.

He's waving like he hasn't seen you in months, though you just met him a few weeks ago when his CEO had given them an advanced Christmas weekend vacation.

“Okay, take a fifteen minute break! Can I get I*ZONE, THE BOYZ, Jessi to get ready?”

The members bow and thank the camera men and the director of the event, most of them waving to their guests standing around you. Minho looks to you and waves subtly, sweat sticking his brown hair to his forehead as his breathing calms.

Right now, Minho was doing nothing besides making snot-faces at the camera with that stupid inner-netting piece he’s got that exposes his back.

Sickening, but he knows it works in his favour.

“Everyone in places! We’re filming your fancams for this one too but keep your eyes on the main cameras!”

The members yell out scattered “yes”es and return to their positions, fingers fixing their fits and microphones. The music starts, and you decide you’ll probably never ever get sick of how the whole group is able to snap into professionalism. But of course, your eyes still naturally gravitate to Minho.

He told you over test that he had been given the chorus -- something that his CEO has never really considered. (Minho wasn’t a great vocal; he was more commendable in his dance techniques but he’ll never improve if he’s never given the chance, right?)

You suck your lips between your teeth when you notice his anxiety gets the better of him, and he messes up in the chorus choreography just as he sings “10분 뒤에 저 앞에서.”

He’s definitely going to get annoyed over this mistake later.

Changbin's sister cannot contain the scream that emits out from her when you are let into the Stray Kids’ dressing room. Jeongin rushes to his little brother, hoping to pull him into a headlock. One of the stylists was busy helping Minho remove his blazer belt when he notices you standing behind him in the mirror.

But before he can greet you, Seungmin rushes to your side along with his sister, who drags you away to look at some special edition Stray Kids merchandise sitting in the corner of the room. You shoot Minho a slightly apologetic look, allowing Seungmin's sister to pull you across the room to study the albums and photocards you would probably receive by the end of the year anyway.

Seungmin's sister gushes about the design of the albums, Christmas themed and all with a rather recent and unseen group photoshoot of the group. So it doesn't take long before she's completely occupied in staring at Chan's picture in the album, and Jisung takes the opportunity to strike up a conversation with you.

“Hey! I finally got to meet you properly, I’m sorry I couldn’t greet you well back when you visited with Yeonjun hyung.”

“Oh, no,” You place the album back to the table and turn to Jisung. “It’s fine. I hope the fruit basket was good.”

“It was great, actually. Chan made a fruit salad out of it,” Jisung shoves his hands into his pockets. Your eyes can’t help but glance around the room, and you catch Minho’s eyes flitting away from you and Jisung in the reflection of the mirror he’s staring at. 

“So, how are the shots? Pretty cool, huh?”

Your eyes follow his hands that reach for the albums that are still sitting comfortably on the surface. “Yeah, of course. Was it shot in a pre-made studio or was the lounge already set up like that? Colors are pretty.”

“It was a lounge, actually. Downtown in Gimpo. They had a cafe nearby too, and the food’s great. I was wondering if you’d like to-”

"Yah," Throwing his arm around Jisung’s shoulders, Minho was now changed out into a loose, black tank top. Your eyes gravitate down to where his skin is usually covered, but Jisung's sly smirk at you forces you to roll your eyes away instead.

"Oh, yes, Lino hyung?" Jisung has the widest grin on his face as he happily pulls Minho into a hug, even resting his head on Minho's shoulder. It's a strange sight, seeing Jisung suck his lips between his teeth. Better yet, Minho had the most confused look on his face just seconds before he shoved Jisung off him.

“You’re an absolute disgrace,” Minho shakes his head and winces in disgust. “There are better ways to ask someone out, and the first step is to ask the right person out.”

[lucas-koh]

Stitches - Bryce Lahela x MC X

Parts 1-9 linked in bio

Not entirely canon compliant but elements of canon - FWB.

Song: Electric Love - BØRNS

Rating: M, implied sex, sexual language, swearing

Word Count: 3677

Taglist: @lahellacute @lahamseiroshoe @anotherbeingsworld @fuseboxmusebox @choicesficwriterscreations @bubblelaureno @bratzlahela @eleanorbloom @bryceslahela @thegreentwin @kelseaaa || please let me know if you would like to be added to or removed from this list

Chapter Ten: New Year, Same Situation

It turned out, in a blessing to Suki’s guilt, that Bryce had picked up extra shifts on Christmas. He didn’t seem fussed about it, so she guessed he just wasn’t the Christmas type. She’d caved and texted him back asking about his plans, and he’d told her. Apparently it brought a lot of the patients joy to have ‘such an incredibly handsome surgeon helping out’ (his words). There was still that regret that she hadn’t offered, though. And also a small part of her that just wishes he’d been there for the sake of being there.

She couldn’t stop thinking about that kiss. Every aspect was jumbling about in her brain like the numbers in a lottery machine. The way he’d held her in all her layers against his bare skin, the steady, savouring movements of their lips against one another. The familiar yet brand new sensation, each nerve wired with the electricity spreading between them. It was intense. She was waiting for her number to be called to find out if she’d won: but what was the prize? Bryce..? She already knew him. But… more kisses? Honestly, thinking about it was giving her a headache.

The look on Bryce’s face. Narcotised, dumbfounded. She couldn’t stop seeing that face in her head, and every time she did her heart stopped and she wanted to kiss him like that again just to see it.

She wondered if Bryce had felt the same way about it, or if it had been only her. Because yeah, it had been a good kiss, he’d said as such afterwards. But had it been as earth-shattering for him as it had been for her? Had he felt that nagging sensation in the pit of his stomach and the ringing in his ears and the thrum of his heart? Was he thinking fuck the whole time? Or unable to think of anything beside her lips?

And it felt like now there was something pulling them together, she wanted him there any time she had a bad day to cradle her in his big arms and reassure her, she wanted him there to kiss her until she could barely speak or do anything else.

On Boxing Day, Elijah and Suki were serving themselves leftovers while Jackie sat on the sofa groaning through her fifth mimosa. Suki was wearing Bryce’s reindeer hoodie, because her own Christmas jumpers were ugly and tasteless, she told herself. Of course, no one else knew it was Bryce’s. Unless they knew his scent as well as she did. Suki didn’t even realise she was smiling until Elijah spoke.

“I’m glad you’re doing better,” Elijah smiled.

“What do you mean?”

“Oh- I mean, nothing. You just seem less stressed.”

Suki squinted her eyes. That wasn’t it. “Spill.”

“God, fine. I’m terrible at keeping things. Back in September, that night we watched movies? I talked to Bryce earlier that day and he told me to keep an eye on you, that you might’ve been needing a little extra love.”

So that was why Elijah was being like that. Bless him.

“That little-“

“He didn’t want you to think he was being weird and overbearing! That’s why he asked me. He barely knew us back then.”

Well, not exactly true. By that point we’d kissed in a supply closet.

“Did he say anything else?” Suki asked, suddenly worried about Bryce sharing their little secret. Then again, it had been months, and Elijah was terrible at keeping things. He wouldn’t have been able to go so long unnoticed. Suki had noticed his concerned looks at her, she just hadn’t known the meaning behind them.

“Um. No? I don’t remember.”

Well, it couldn’t have been that Bryce had told him, then.

“Okay.”

“But he was right. I don’t know how he noticed, but you were a little off for a time.” Elijah placed down the clippers he’d been using to serve himself some roast potatoes.

I mean, he noticed because he found me crying in the supply closet but we’ll leave that bit out.

“Yeah. Being a doctor is hard.”

“You got that right.”

—-

When New Year rolled around, all the roommates had returned to the apartment and were discussing their NYE plans.

“I don’t want to throw another party. Not after the last one.”

“It was fine! Farley didn’t even find out.”

“It got out of hand and it was stressful, can’t someone else throw a party?”

“Or we could go to Donahue’s…” Jackie suggested.

“No,” the others chorused.

“Fine, fine.”

“Donahue‘s is great but I’m not ringing in the new year there.”

“We spent Halloween there.”

“That’s different.”

“Is anyone working?”

Suki’s head was starting to hurt from the questions and overlap of voices. She wasn’t even fussed about having a big New Year celebration, she just wanted to be with her friends.

“Let’s just spend the new year by ourselves,” Suki breathed out after a while.

Jackie shrugged, seeming okay with the idea.

“But… what about our other friends?” Asked Elijah.

“Like who?” Said Aurora, “we don’t have other friends.”

“Not true! There’s that sweet paramedic Rafael who talks to me when he’s bringing patients in,”

“Sienna I don’t think that’s-”

“And I made friends with one of my patients, she’s called Kyra.” Elijah added.

“Have you all forgotten about Bryce? He’s annoying as fuck but he’s technically part of the group.”

“Gia from across the hall! She’s so lovely.”

“Gia has a kid, she won’t come.”

“What about that Landry kid who came to Donahue’s with us?”

“No. No.” Jackie made a gagging motion.

“It’s sounding like you guys want a party. Does anyone actually want a party?” Aurora asked.

The rest of them groaned uneasily. No one wanted a party.

“Fine, how about everyone has a plus one. Sienna, that way you can invite Rafael, Elijah can invite Kyra, Jackie can invite Bryce...” Aurora said calmly.

“Ew,” Jackie retorted.

“I kind of wanted to invite Danny…” Sienna trailed off.

“He can be my plus one,” Aurora offered.

“I’m not having Bryce as my plus one,” Jackie made a face of disgust.

“It’s not like having a plus one means anything. They’re not going to be handcuffed to you or something weird,” Aurora said.

“I don’t care. Suki can have him.”

“Why me?” She realised the rush and speed of her reply may have not been the most natural thing.

“Did you have any other options?”

“…no.”

“Sorted. I’ll invite that nice girl from down the hall as my plus one.”

“Huh?”

“Phoebe. The one you have a crush on,” Jackie directed her gaze to Elijah.

“…what??” Elijah looked completely taken aback. His mouth was agape and his eyes were wide.

So the group got to refining their plans, including the type of alcohol they’d buy, any decorations, timings, entertainment.

—-

For the first time, Suki was nervous about texting Bryce. After their kiss, she didn’t want to make things weird. Plus, he’d never replied to her when she’d asked him about New Years the week before.

Santa Fe: you free on ny?

Scalpel Jockey: depends why you’re asking

Santa Fe: we’re doing some kind of gathering at the apartment

Santa Fe: the others wanted you here

Scalpel Jockey: the others but not you? ouch

Santa Fe: 🙄you know what I meant

Santa Fe: are you free or not?

Scalpel Jockey: sure i’ll be there

—-

Everyone worked most of the time in the couple of days leading up to their get-together, so anything that was done in preparation was done in short bursts. On the 30th, Bryce texted again.

Scalpel Jockey: what’s this about handcuffs?😏

Santa Fe: what???

Scalpel Jockey: jackie said something about handcuffs and i for one am not complaining

Scalpel Jockey: i bumped into her at the hospital earlier and she was complaining to me about myself

Huh, must’ve been what Aurora had said about the plus ones not meaning anything. Of course his ears only perked up when it could be interpreted as kinky.

Santa Fe: there’s no handcuffs

Scalpel Jockey: after that christmas lingerie? colour me doubtful

Santa Fe: correction, *there’s no handcuffs for you at a new years celebration while everyone else is around

Scalpel Jockey: i’ll take it😏

—-

Then in no time it was 6:00pm on the 31st and everyone was getting ready for the others to turn up.

Suki was wearing a sparkly black jumpsuit with sheer sleeves and gold eyeshadow on her eyes. It felt the right palette for the occasion. The others were also dressed to the nines and they laughed and hung out until the first guest arrived.

Suki began to get nervous waiting for Bryce to arrive. God, what’s going on here? I thought we were over this?

Each new arrival sent a jolt through Suki’s stomach and she held her breath for a moment. And then there was a mix of relief and disappointment each time it wasn’t him.

When he finally swaggered through the door holding two bottles of red wine, cheering with his usual cockiness, she hung back while the others greeted him. He was dressed up, and lord did he look good.

Blue slacks, blue jacket, floral light blue shirt. Right down to the shiny black shoes. Suddenly Suki couldn’t stop looking at how those clothes fit him, suited him so well. Shit. And then how they would look on her bedroom floor.

“Suki,” he finally breathed out his greeting after saying hello to everyone else.

“Hi,” she gave him a nod and a smile which came out higher pitched than she’d intended and already knew her face was heating up.

Calm. The. Fuck. Down. It was just a kiss. We do it all the time.

Bryce moved closer as though about to say something else, when Jackie slapped a hand on his back and led him to the kitchen.

“We need to get that wine in a glass…”

The new year squad drank and discussed for a while before eventually Sienna started off the games for the evening.

“We’re going to play charades!” Sienna enthused.

“I call dibs on Suki,” Bryce said almost immediately.

“You don’t even know if I’m any good.”

“Oh, I know you’re good,” he winked. She rolled her eyes playfully, and the rest of the group paired up: Elijah and Phoebe, Sienna and Danny, Jackie and Raf, Aurora and Kyra.

Bryce and Suki got off to a Rocky start. The card she picked was an obscure one. She was standing, moving a fist in circles beside her mouth.

“Uhhh washing your face? Applying mascara? Smelling flowers? …whiskers? I- um, churning… butter? Conducting! No? Um…”

Suki was violently shaking her head at each ridiculous guess. She scowled and controlled her hand a little, opening her mouth like a fish.

“Oh! Eating!”

She nodded and grinned, waiting for him to get the rest.

“Oatmeal? Cereal? Ice cream? Oh! SOUP!?”

“Yes!” She jumped up finally and the two high-fived.

Elijah and Phoebe were surprisingly good, Sienna and Danny pretty terrible because they couldn’t stop laughing, and both Team Aurora and Team Jackie’s competitive sides were coming out. Most of the charades were funny, but Kyra’s were hilarious.

After a few rounds everyone was cutting it close aside from Sienna and Danny. It was Bryce’s turn.

He was mimicking riding a bike, which was hilarious. He had one foot to the ground and was circling the other one while he held his hands out in front of him. What a dork. But Suki guessed it quickly enough, pulling them ahead in points.

They reached the bottom of the pile of cards, Bryce and Suki winning by one point.

“We make quite the pair, don’t we Sukes?” He grinned, nudging her with his shoulder.

“I- are you-“

“You think I didn’t notice that little nickname you gave me? You can’t hog all the fun.”

Ah. So he hadn’t missed it then.

—-

As the night continued on they played a few board games (Monopoly, Scrabble), before an interesting game of Twister.

Suki somehow ended up in an odd human pretzel with Rafael, Sienna, and not at all to her surprise, Bryce. The universe had an agenda, alright.

“No don’t put your hand on that one I’ll fall over!” Sienna shouted at Raf. But it was too late and they fell into a big pile in the middle of the sheet. Somehow Jackie remained composed to the side of them.

“I won!”

“Can you help?” Struggled Suki, who was stuck at the bottom of the pile. The other half of the group worked to help each person off the pile. Bryce was winking down at her, their faces close and his body fitting into every part of hers. For fucks sake. She was trying super hard not to think about kissing the shit out of those lips right now.

To her relief, but also disappointment - which seemed to be much of a theme that night - Phoebe and Danny helped to pull Bryce up and she was left freed.

And then Kyra insisted on a game of Truth or Dare.

“Aren’t we a bit old for that?” Aurora asked.

“You’re never told old for fun!” Kyra replied, “I want to get to know you guys better.”

Phoebe had to kiss the person she fancied the most, which brought on many cheers and whoops when it turned out to be Elijah (definitely a leading question on Kyra’s part). The two couldn’t stop smiling at each other after that. Elijah told everyone about his biggest fantasy, Aurora showed off her hidden talent (burping the ABC’s), Danny read out his most recent text (an ‘I love you’ to his dad), Sienna was dared to take a mystery shot of Jackie’s creation – which looked like included pickle juice and Tabasco sauce. Rafael talked about his worst date, and Kyra had to give the person to her right a foot massage – which was Jackie. She didn’t seem to mind much.

Bryce picked dare, of course.

“I dare you to give everyone in the circle a lap dance!” Rafael said.

“You just want one, don’t you?” Bryce winked to the other man, who laughed and shrugged. Jackie looked horrified at the idea, and Elijah started to play Pony – Ginuwine through the speakers. So Bryce got about moving to the music like he was in Magic Mike. Slowly, each item of clothing was lost. Until he was left in only his boxers. Incredibly cringey, but also… pretty hot. He went around the circle, giving each person their own little performance. Danny pretended to fling dollar bills at him. Jackie made a lot of gagging noises and screeches.

When he at last got to Suki, she was nervous. He gave her that look she could read right through, and began to grind his ass just above her lap. When he turned to face her and began to wind his body above her, she knew she was visibly flustered. And so did he. Not to mention, he knew what she liked.

He grabbed her chin and brought it towards his sensually as he mockingly sang along with the song. This was such a game for him, and she was an unwitting pawn.

“You’re… not supposed to touch me,” she tried to laugh it out, but it was awkward and meek. He removed his hand with a flourish and an insolent shoulder shrug.

She was so alarmed, but eventually began to screech laughter. By that point everyone was in fits. It was almost impossible to take a lap dance seriously, and definitely impossible to take a lap dance from Bryce seriously.

“Okay, I think that concludes that,” Raf laughed. Bryce shot Suki a signature wink before pushing himself up to standing. He finished off his dance with a rather impressive body roll-into-worm movement. He then began to re-clothe himself.

After cooling down a bit, Suki chose truth, always the safer option. Or so she thought.

“Ok then. When did you last get laid?” Phoebe asked. Jump right to it, why don’t you?

Easy to lie, of course. But her expression and squirming was a dead giveaway that she was nervous to answer the question. And Suki was a terrible liar.

“The day before Christmas Eve,” she choked out, deliberately avoiding eye contact with Bryce because she could already tell the expression he had at that moment. Smug. Smug as shit. There’s no way he’s not thinking about the Christmas themed lingerie if nothing else.

“What? Who?” Jackie asked, not sly about the way her eyes fell on Suki’s neck again.

“Random tinder guy. It was nothing.”

From the corner of her eye Suki thought she could see Bryce’s face crinkle momentarily, but he was normal when she fully looked at him.

They played a couple more rounds, Suki was sure to pick dare that time (try to lick your elbow, thanks Sienna).

When the group took a little break Suki escaped and grabbed some more drinks from her bedroom, only to go to return and find Bryce leaning on her doorway. Draped on the frame like the prettiest chandelier in the vintage furniture store. Because vintage had character, beauty, stories, secrets. Looking ever so casual in his shirt, rolled up to his elbows, and slacks. His jacket was long discarded. Okay, this is the first time we’ll really have spoken since the kiss.

“Hey,” he said, as though they hadn’t spoken before that evening. Which, she supposed, they hadn’t. Not as ‘Bryce and Suki’.

Was he thinking about that kiss too? Was he consumed by the desire to rush over and kiss her slowly, every moment as much bliss as it was torture as though the moment were crafted as deliberately Dionysian? Hard to tell.

“Hey, what are you doing?” She was holding two bottles of sparkling wine in each hand, ready to have taken them out to the others. Unfortunately that meant she couldn’t expel nervous energy through drumming her fingers on her thighs.

“Just checking up on you. Making sure you’re not causing any trouble.”

“Riiiight.”

“Um,” he was flustered, something Suki never believed she would see in a million years. He scratched at the back of his head. “So tonight… after… are we- am I staying?”

“Ah, I see. This is a preemptive booty call.”

“No, well- I-“

Suki laughed, it was so odd to see him like this. Also odd that his first reaction to ‘is this a booty call’ was ‘no’?? What the hell has him so creepily bashful?

“Of course you can stay if you want. You don’t even have to leave early I’ll just throw you out on the couch and blame it on the alcohol.” As soon as the words left her mouth Suki regretted them. She’d pretty explicitly just invited him to stay the night. Like, the actual night. Rule number fucking two Suki. No. Staying. The. Night.

Not a matter of convenience, not a courtesy as thanks, just… because.

That mischievous part of her didn’t want to correct herself, or make it clear that he couldn’t stay. She wanted him to want to stay.

Fuck.

But she couldn’t listen to that little voice. She couldn’t. She knew she’d only screw herself over.

“You know what I mean, right? Like, after sex I’ll send you to the sofa…”

“Yeah. Sweet. Cool. Nice.”

Oh my god. What is going on? Why is he acting so weird? Is it the alcohol?

Suki was feeling clammy and stressed and she knew she had to change the subject.

“So, why didn’t you tell me the other day what your New Years plans were?”

“What do you mean?”

“When I came to yours…” now it was Suki’s turn to feel flustered, kiss brain alert kiss brain alert “I asked you about New Years and you ignored it.”

“Oh? I don’t know. I can’t remember,” he grinned and normal Bryce was back. “Come on, pass me a bottle and let’s get this night cracking on.”

And so they did, more laughing and dancing and games and talking. At one point, Bryce was dancing in a mockingly seductive way with Phoebe and Elijah, prompting Sienna to sidle up to Suki.

“So that lap dance Bryce did… did you notice he spent waaay longer on you than anyone else?”

“I think he just knew I’m easily embarrassed. It’s difficult to hide.”

“I don’t know Suki, I think he might fancy you,” she whispered, excitement and scandal in her voice and on her face.

How do I tell Sienna it’s just because we’re sleeping together without telling Sienna we’re sleeping together?

“Incredibly doubtful. He just wanted a rise out of me.”

When it reached around 11:45pm, the group lounged around on the couches to watch the ball drop in New York on the TV.

The obvious couples of the evening – Sienna and Danny; Elijah and Phoebe – were antsy and sat beside each other, waiting for their midnight kiss.

“I’m going to kiss each and every one of you,” Kyra grinned.

And Suki was in an awkward positing sat beside Bryce and wondering if she should kiss into the new year with him. It was only tradition, right? But felt important information to know.

Which she absolutely didn’t know.

But they couldn’t, they were surrounded by people.

As the countdown began, Suki’s tension rose. He wouldn’t kiss her, would he? Not here, not now.

“HAPPY NEW YEAR!” Everyone shouted at once when the clock hit zero and the ball dropped in Times Square. Bryce reached over to give Suki’s hand a quick squeeze, but no kiss.

Instead, Kyra gave Suki a prolonged ‘mwah!’, and she had to sit watching Danny and Sienna, and Elijah and Phoebe getting into it. At least everyone else was single. The singles all stood to hug each other, a few kisses too, celebrating a whole new calendar year.

Suki bitterly wished that Bryce had kissed her. And she was mentally kicking herself for it. But, when he embraced her he whispered:

“We’ll ring the new year in properly later.”

[gracedpersassonality]

The Best Present - A Little Christmas Story

I wish we were kissing under mistletoe

The stars on the sky just can't match your glow

Now I can't wait 'til you're by my side

We'll be warm by the fire all night, oh

I wanna hold you while the bells are all ringing

Want you to be here while the angel's singing

Days are perfect when I got you near

My only wish is you here

Christmas Without You - Ava Max

The snow was slowly falling in big white flakes to the ground and covered everything with a beautiful thick coat. The streets were empty and everything was peaceful silent. Percy was shivering from the cold and pulled his scarf a bit tighter. He was running late as usual. Leo invited all of them for Christmas eve to his home like he did every year. He loved the tradition. And the food. And the decorations. And the fact that mostly everyone of their friends was able to come. It was far too seldom that all of them saw each other.

Percy went a bit faster which wasn't easy because the floor was icy and slippery and he was carrying his Secret Santa present for Annabeth in both hands and balanced the blue homemade chocolate chip cookies from his mother on top of it.  

He almost made it safe to Leo's front door. Almost. On the path to the house was ice under the snow and Percy slipped, pressing the gift and the cookies to his chest, trying to catch himself. "Woah! Watch out!" Jason shouted before he grabbed him in the last second and made him standing still again. "Gotcha" he chuckled.  

"Oh gods thank you. You saved me and the cookies." Percy said breathless.

"For the sake of the cookies look where you're going the next time." Jason joked.

"Yes... You're right. The next time I just fly to the door. No big deal." Percy replied sarcastically looking into Jason's bright blue eyes. They sparkled in the Christmas lights and reflected all the different colours. Percy can't help it and a goofy grin spread over his face which Jason mirrored. The snowflakes has covered Jason's blond hair, which made it look white and his cheeks where light red from the cold. This was one of these moments Percy got totally lost. He just want to take a picture and framed it that's how beautiful Jason looks in these light.

He was shaking his head to clear his mind, he was getting creepy again. He really had fallen for Jason in the last year. There were these moments when they looked at each other a second too long or when they touched accidentally. But it never happend more than this. They never cross the line that would end their friendship. Percy still waited for the perfect moment to confess his love. He was to afraid that he just interpreted too much in their interactions. Maybe Jason was just too dense to get the hints Percy dropped time by time. Maybe Percy was just wishing that Jason always seemed to making excuses to touch him or be in his near.

Jason cleared his throat. "Maybe we should go inside."

It took it's time till Percy realised what Jason said. " Yeah I guess so." But both didn't move. They still locked their eyes, smiling like idiots and no one want to look away first. It hit him like a sudden and blinding realization and it dawned to him. This moment seemed to be perfect. "Uhm, Jason? I have to tell you something." Suddenly he was getting really nervous. What if Jason didn't feel the same? Would he believe him? What if he even laugh at him? What if Percy was about to destroy their friendship right now? Maybe he should wait with it after the party. Then he wouldn't ruin it by make it awkward at least. He felt like a coward. He just was searching for excuses.

"What now? Say what's on your mind." Jason face turned serious.

He got an urgent feeling of throwing up. "It's freaking cold and I'm freezing. Let's go inside. Why doesn't the cold bother you too?" He said laughing. Hopefully Jason didn't hear that it was forced. Yep, he definitely was a coward.

They knocked at the with ornaments decorated door and Hazel opened it. The smell of pine, cinnamon and hot chocolate filled the cold evening air and Christmas songs are played in the background. "Ah there you are, we're finally complete. You two are late. What happened?"

"Nothing" Percy said a little bit too fast as he entered the house, hoping that everyone attributed his red face to the change from the cold outside to the warm inside.

"Percy's just being clumsy not more", Jason laughed and entered the house as well.

Both took off their thick coats and scarfs and hang them on the wardrobe. "Nice sweater Percy" Jason teased him.

"I can only give that back." Two years ago Jason had Percy as his secret santa and he got the ugliest sweater Percy could found. It was baby blue with lighting bolts on it which actually can blink. The next year Percy got his payback. Jason bought him a green sweater with tiny waves on it. There were also a button which caused an awful sung christmas song when it was pressed. Percy secretly loved it.

Hazel led them to living room. They were welcomed by 'Merry Christmas Everyone' that was blasted by Leo's sound system. Percy couldn't stop to be surprised how much efford Leo put in the decorations every year. And he tops himself year by year. There was a huge christmas tree with every kind of decoration you could put on. The whole room had it's own christmas themed light installation and Percy really become worried that all of this would end in a short circuit.

The whole crew was spread out in the room. Frank, Reyna and Piper were sitting on the couch chatting and eating from the with sweets filled plates in front of them. Leo and Annabeth standing in the corner bowed over some cables and it seems like he was explaining how he managed the power distribution. Grover, Will and Rachel were standing in front of the music system singing along. Only Thalia wasn't there. She was on the other side of the country and didn't make it this year.

Jason and Percy put their presents under the tree while Hazel took the cookies and put them in the kitchen. As she came back she shoved Nico in the room with the words "You can't stay in there forever." "But there I don't have to deal with all these happy people." He mumbled, but everyone knows that Nico secretly was enjoying the Christmas Partys.

"I'm going to grab us some hot chocolate" Jason declared and vanished in the kitchen. He came back with two steaming cups. Percy has joined their friends on the couch and so did Jason. As he recognized that there were only blue marshmallows in his cup, a smile stole on his face again. He was always smiling when Jason was around.

And so the time passed away with a lot of laughter, crooked sung songs and many happy faces. Even Nico smiled from time to time and everyone was filled with love for their friends.

After everyone had handed over the presents, Percy just leaned back and enjoyed the scene which was chaotic as usual. Annabeth already has started to read in one of the books Percy got her, while Leo was leaning over her shoulder and pointed at something in the book. His socks he got from Grover were flashing like a Christmas tree. Frank with his new purple sweater from Reyna was about to put a necklace around Hazel's neck. Jason gave Nico a new necklace as well and Rachel got a new sketchbook set from Piper and was about to draw her sitting under the Christmas tree. She was reading the voucher she got from Will and Reyna got a new pair of dog leashes and collars from Annabeth. Will was presenting his new shirt from Hazel which fits the one Nico was wearing. Rachel's gift for Grover was a new pair of shoes she has customized. Leo tried to get Thalia home for Christmas but it wasn't possible so he organized a video call for Jason as a compromise solution. And Percy has to keep himself from starring at Jason who was laughing with his sister. Little tears of joy in the corner of his eyes. He himself received new gloves and a matching scarf from Nico.

He was so happy that he can count so many people as his friends. No they were more than friends. This was his second family. And he knew that everyone was feeling the same.

After some time has passed, Jason ended the call and looked a bit sad for a moment, but quickly recovered. His sister was the only one left from his family and it was the first time he was supposed to be alone on Christmas and new year. Percy leaned over to Jason and whispered: "Don't tell anyone but remember me to give you your Christmas gift when we are leaving." Maybe it was against the rules of Secret Santa but he couldn't stop himself to get Jason a present as well.

"That's not fair! I haven't a present for you." He whispered back.

"Nah it's fine. It didn't cost anything so it's totally okay"

"So you made it by yourself? Now I want to know what it is."

"You will see." Percy made his troublemaker smile and looked into Jason prying eyes.

"Hey you two lovebirds, " Reyna interrupted their eye contact with a snap and both turned their heads towards her, "I've asked if you want to play charade with us but you seem to be busy."

"No no. I would love to play! What about you Jase?"

"I'm in!"

Laughter filled the house and in the end nobody knew who won.

It was late. Very very late. Well past midnight. Maybe Percy fall asleep once or twice, he wasn't really sure by himself. "Maybe I should go home soon", he declared with a yawn, his head resting on Jason's shoulder.

"Yeah me too." Jason shifted a bit, so he can look in Percy's tired eyes. "I drive you home. It's cold and dark outside and I don't accept a 'No'."

Percy knew he didn't have a chance to deny. Jason could be very stubborn when it come to situations like this. So he didn't resist and as a bonus he has time to give Jason his gift. After a lot of hugs they were driving to Percy's.

"So the present I was talking about... You still alone on Christmas?" Percy asked softly.

"Yeah but it doesn't matter I'm fine, just having myself a little Merry Christmas you know" Everybody would believe him but not Percy. Jason's voice was a tiny bit rougher than normal.

He could feel his heart nervously beating in his chest. "You can stay with us. I asked mom already and she said she would be very happy if you would join us."

"No I can't." Percy felt his heart stutter. He planned this since he knew that Thalia wouldn't make it. Nobody should be alone. Especially not Jason.

"Why not?"

"It's your family and I don't have any presents. I can't crash Christmas without presents."

Percy let out a released laugh. "That's what you are worried about? Well than you can come with me. I bought too many gifts anyways. We just change the tags. And for me it's really enough when you celebrate with us. How about that?"

A defeated smile stole on Jason's face. "Only if I can give you your money back."

"Alright. If you want to drive home first, you need to pack your things, you can stay at my home. It's already late and so you can't oversleep. " in the joy of Jason saying Yes he invited him spontaneously but regretted it right after saying it. He didn't want to overdo it so hopefully it wasn't a big deal for Jason.

"Unlike you I never oversleep but I would love to stay at your's"

Percy looked with a wide smile outside the car window. This was one was on it's best way to be the best Christmas ever.

As they were finally parking by Percy's mom it's started to snow again. Luckily they didn't have to drive anymore. His house wasn't decorated like Leo's but at least there were Christmas lights and one look at Jason was enough to be reminded of earlier this day. His eyes, it were always his eyes that made Percy fall in love with him a little more. And the way he was smiling at this moment brightened his heart. “You know this is one of the best presents I ever could get? I thought I would be lonely on Christmas." There were tears in his eyes and without thinking Percy hugged him.

"Nobody deserves to be alone if they doesn't want to. And I am so happy you are here with me."

"Thank you." Jason voice cracked and he cleard his throat. Percy let go and before he could start a second try to confess his love he pulled out his key awkwardly and said: "You don't have to thank me. But I'm freezing, let's get inside." At which point in his life he turned in this little coward? The problem was Jason was way too important for him and he didn't want to lose him.

"I guess my family already fall asleep, so we have to be silent." Percy whispered as he opened the door. They entered the house and walked as quiet as possible through the hallway till Jason suddenly stopped.

"You okay?" Percy turned around an looked at him. He seemed to be a bit nervous. Maybe he was afraid what his family could say.

After not answering his question Percy tried to calm Jason. "Hey, you don't have to be afraid or something. My family knows that you are coming with me. And especially Estelle is glad to see you."

"Yeah I know, that's not the problem."

"Then what is it?" Percy started to getting nervous too. What if Jason didn't want to be here and was just too polite to deny and now he regretted it? But Jason seemed so happy to be here a few seconds ago. So what was making him so nervous?

"Look up." He didn't suspect this reply at all and look at the ceiling in confusion.

A mistletoe. There was a mistletoe above him and while Percy still was wondering why it was there, because his mom never hung up one, Jason take a step towards Percy. Percy slowly look back to Jason. He could feel his heart beating in his chest. Jason was starring on his lips. He couldn´t breathe. He couldn´t think. With a glance in his eyes Jason made sure if Percy was okay with this and finally overcome the last few centimeters. Cross the line of their friendship. 

And then he kissed him. 

Once, twice and then a third time. They couldn´t stop and soon it happend that Jsaon was pressing Percy against the wall. It taste like Christmas and chocolate and it felt like finally coming home. 

They only broke away from each other to catch a breath. Jason leaned his forehead against Percy's, while their hearts were racing, both with a big smile on their face and a little bit of disbelive in their eyes. Like this was a wonderful dream. "Merry Christmas, Percy." Jason whispered.

Percy was way too overwhelmed to reply but one glance was enough to know this wasn't just a kiss under the mistletoe. This kiss was the certainty that his feelings wasn't one-sided. This kiss was all he ever wanted. And this kiss was the best present he ever could get for Christmas.

[thekillerssluts]

DIY Magazine, October 2020.

Interview TALKING ‘BOUT MY GENERATION: WILL BUTLER

Talking to Will Butler is a bit like trying to have a conversation with a human magpie. Hugely enthusiastic and with a constant giggle on the go (“I have a nervous laugh, so I laugh at more things than I should…”), the 37-year-old has a tendency to veer off down strange tangents, taking your original point but then getting distracted or excited by some other new, shiny train of thought in a different direction.

You can tell he’s smart - not just booksmart, but the kind of smart where you can practically see the cogs turning at 100mph. “I love knowledge for its own sake,” he professes at one point. “I believe in it to a fault. I think it’s worth knowing all this shit, for no other reason than just knowing that it’s true.” And it’s this attitude that’s filled the three years since ‘Everything Now’ - he and his Arcade Fire bandmates’ society-skewering fifth LP.

In that time, amid world tours and festival headlines, Will has had two more children - twins - and went to Harvard to study a masters in public policy. He also found time to record ‘Generations’ - a second solo effort that takes the brilliantly all-over-the-place nature of 2015’s ‘Policy’ and hones it into something that’s more pointed, though still clearly fuelled by the same curious mind. Or as he puts it: “The first [album] it’s like, ‘I’m at the market! There’s some eggplants! Oh there’s a nice sausage guy! And OK cool I’ll get some of those and these!’ But then ‘Generations’ was much more like, ‘I’ve been storing these bones in my freezer for two years and now we’re gonna boil this down to make the pure essence of the beast’.”

Like most debuts from artists splintering off from their main projects, ‘Policy’ had been born from accumulating a collection of material that didn’t fit with his band. Unlike most, Will had just been nominated for an Oscar (for his soundtrack to Joaquin Phoenix film Her) before its release, “so that was a confidence boost,” he notes amiably. Conversely, the essence of ‘Generations’’ particular beast seems a far more targeted one - one intrinsically linked with the intense political conversations the musician had found himself wrangling with during his recent studies.

“I always want whatever I’m making to emerge out of what I’m living and for it to help me understand how I’m living better, so going to policy school was certainly part of that artistic project as well as the ‘what do we fucking do?’ project,” he explains. “I jokingly say that I was radicalised at Harvard, which is basically true. I was in a mid-career programme, so there were 25-year-old geniuses but also people in their middle age who’d worked in the UN in Pakistan or the government in Mexico. They had this whole perspective of how fucked everything is across the whole globe so it was… educational.

As such, his second brims with a sense of palpable unease for a society that’s not only crumbling before our eyes right now, but has been doing so intermittently for decades and centuries. The twinkling, finger-clicking patter of ‘Close My Eyes’ belies the all-too-timely despair beneath it (“The photograph is new / But I seen that same headline, and I got to dance to keep from crying”), Randy Newman-esque closer ‘Fine’ digs right back to “George Washington and all his slaves,” while ‘Not Gonna Die’, he explains, was written in direct response to the November 2015 Bataclan shootings.“All these things hit different people in different ways, but that was so close to home,” he says. “It was Christmas after that and I was shopping in Manhattan; I walked into Sephora and it was super crowded and I thought, there’s a lot of people in here, where would I go [if something like that happened]? And I got so mad. It fucking worked. You made me scared. I’m not gonna die in Sephora on 5th Avenue but you made me think about it, you fucking pieces of shit.“Mike Pence was writing about it before he was running for Vice President, like, ‘We need to make sure we don’t have any immigrants come in because the immigrants can do this to us here’. And it’s like, I’m not gonna be killed by a woman fleeing violence in Guatemala!! The terrorists and the people saying ‘Be afraid!’: what you’re doing is working, and I AM afraid, and fuck you.”

Perhaps most interestingly, however, ‘Generations’ doesn’t just point the finger outwards, it also poses questions of the singer’s own inherent part in it all. “A big chunk of this record is asking: What’s my place in American history? What’s my place in America’s present?” he explained in a previous statement about the album. “Both in general, but also extremely particularly: me as Will Butler, rich person, white person, Mormon, Yankee, parent, musician. What do I do? What can I do?”

“It’s basically like, ‘My God, how did we get here?’ - that Talking Heads line,” he continues now. “The record is at times literally a conversation with people arguing back and forth, and there’s a lot of questions raised and the answers aren’t answers - you just end the conversation in a different spot. There’s something to that process of discussing and coming to some sort of revelation only to find out what’s lacking there, and then you move onto the next conversation and find out what’s lacking there. I was pleased that the material felt cyclical and of a piece, and you feel like you’re in a different spot than you were at the beginning.”

Because yes, his latest might not provide all the answers - “This is a musical work and I don’t know what the end notes are,” he admits - but ‘Generations’ does emphasise the importance of asking the questions and having the conversations, both with the world and with yourself. And if you can have them over an album of musically explorative, rich and often perversely funny new offerings? All the better.

Next, he’ll return to the fold to begin work on Arcade Fire’s sixth opus. Writing for that had originally started in New Orleans before the pandemic hit, but the band “don’t have the file management down to really do it at a distance,” he chuckles. “Win and Régine are always demoing and working, and I’ve done a little. We always work on a record for about a year and a half and we’re not off that pace yet, we’re still weirdly on track…”

You can bet by the time that record lands, he’ll have chalked up a handful of other accomplishments to his name, too; lord only knows the political battleground of the coming weeks will give him enough food for thought. And in the inquisitive mind of Will Butler, thought and curiosity are clearly the most nourishing tools of all. “You can write a love song that’s super true, but can you write a history song that also is? And if it comes out right and there’s some value in it, then what does that mean?” he muses. “It’s about just trying different angles to express something true.”

‘Generations’ is out now via Merge.

Butler’s Bits

‘Generations’ is undoubtedly an album rooted in politics and society - this much we know. But it’s also a record that digs into the musician’s relationship with other parts of the human experience…

HUMOUR “It’s a coping mechanism and it’s also a worldview. There’s not exactly a cabaret scene in New York but the comedy here is quite musical and there’s a lot of comedians that interact with people in interesting ways. They’re a bit younger than me - I’m the oldest millennial - but there’s something in that spirit that feels relevant.”

RELIGION “I grew up Mormon and I’m still ethnically Mormon. It’s like The Smiths song, ‘Meet Me At The Cemetery Gates’ - ‘Keats and Yeats are on your side, and Wilde is on mine’, you lose, haha. I’m sure Yeats is such a fucking asshole but that’s my heritage. The classic lineage of the Western canon is how I grew up.”

ADULTHOOD “I have three kids now, and it doesn’t make me worry about the future so much as it’s made me learn so much about humanity watching them - watching how it all goes into the ‘this is what humans are’ mill. On ‘Policy’, the protagonists are a motley crew of rag-tag whatevers, whereas this is much more a coming of age novel - not like a teenager becoming an adult, but an adult becoming a worse adult…”

As featured in the October 2020 issue of DIY, out now.

[pinkhairedlily]

i'll be with you (but it'll be a different kind)

pairing: yoonkook/yoonjin | rating: G | ao3 read here

a short study on moving on

Yoongi broke the vinyl like he would a plate, a quaint awareness of a disaster but the quick denial of letting it fall – on the floor, in pieces. He swept each shard, vacuumed, and threw them in the bin. He crushed his music sheets and notes, thought better of it, and lit them with a scented candle.

Well, for fuck’s sake, the candle was his gift too.

So Yoongi walked to the collection area at three thirty in the morning, against the gusts of cold November wind, carrying all the evidence of the killer and the remains of its victim. He stood in front of the stack with an impulse to do something. Say a prayer? Curse them? Curse himself and bring them back to his apartment?

Ah, he wasn’t that stupid.

He truly wasn’t.

His stupidity was drained when he decided to fall in love with his roommate and friend that couldn’t be his in this lifetime.

So he came back to his home rid of everything Kim Seokjin owned and touched. Yes, even the bedsheets he washed yesterday.

“The couch it is.” He plopped down to its uncomfortable mattress and was immediately lulled not by the comfort of sleep but by the escape it offered.

He lost track of time in the next days… or probably weeks because the next time he went out for a walk to the mart, he was greeted by imposing Christmas decorations and too tall synthetic trees that wouldn’t look good in apartments that only housed one.

He came back, still alone, but at least joined now with ingredients for proper homemade food. He won’t be lonely on Christmas, not with two bottles of wine, a variety of seafood (which Namjoon hated the most, and Yoongi would order in the largest serving just to spite him), and his good old comfy socks.

He switched on the television to watch Melancholia, a fitting holiday movie in his honest opinion, and turned it up to the highest volume to tune out the looping Christmas carols outside his window and across the hallway where other occupants have rooms over to tide away the lonesome.

It was two thirty and two disaster films later that he heard the ghost of his broken heart.

It was one of the songs he wrote for Jin, the notes not at all the same, but the melody line was correctly embodied. He started up from his drunken stupor on the floor and trudged towards his kitchen sink where he dabbled his face in water.

It wasn’t the alcohol. So it certainly must be the crazy in him… well, until he realized the notes were coming from next door. The walls were thin anyway.

He nonchalantly knocked on the door of his neighbor, not caring at all if it was the devil’s hour, not when the tenant itself did not care about public disturbance.

It opened a crack wide enough for Yoongi to sweep the whole place up in seconds. Tidy floor, unmade bed, three monitors on a desk, neon lights, a christmas tree unabashedly decorated with the most frivolous pieces beside the dining table, and a guitar on top of it.

“Did I wake you?” He was taller than Yoongi, buffer, and very decorated like his Christmas tree. Daith, lobe, and eyebrow piercings, sleeve tattoos on his right arm, and shoulder-length electric blue hair tied in half-ponytail. But what caught his attention the most was the doe eyes that seemed too innocent, but Yoongi was familiar with the pretension that hovered on the surface. This boy knew pain enough to effectively cover it.

“That was my song,” Yoongi said in his usual deadpan delivery. He couldn’t get any cheerier than this.

John Doe perked up (if it could be any more possible). “Ah so you’re the one!” Then his expression immediately shifted to wariness. “Oh wait, you might be offended. I should apologize – “

“Some notes were mismatched, yes. Couldn’t be helped when you learned it by ear.” Yoongi looked at him for confirmation, and John Doe nodded enthusiastically. “But it’s all right. You played the piece so beautifully for someone who did not know it was a love letter.”

The way John Doe changed his smile to a thin line Yoongi knew at once that this was a person who simultaneously wore their heart on a sleeve but chained it before it could truly fall.

“Is it safe to assume the letter’s non-reciprocation when you haven’t played those songs for a month?”

“What else could there be?”

The neighbor bit the inside of his cheeks before answering, “Maybe you just didn’t need love letters anymore?”

Yoongi sighed. “Just keep it down. It’s three in the morning.”

“But it’s Christmas?” John Doe’s eyes suddenly widened. “Oh my manners! Merry Christmas Sir!”

“I don’t believe in Santa Claus. Or Jesus. Or capitalist splurges.” Yoongi shoved his hands into his sweatpants. “I have marinara surplus. Do you want a plate?”

-----------------

When New Year rolled again, Yoongi knocked on his neighbor’s door. He slept with headphones in full volume, god be damned his hearing, on newly bought bedsheets that did not smell of Jin and pillows that did not have a strand of his hair. He really couldn’t turn down John Doe’s question of whether he could still play the cursed song or maybe he was two-bottles-of-wine-disoriented enough to put up a rather good argument why he shouldn’t.

“So will you cover your ears when you go to sleep?” John Doe asked after his second slurping of seafood marinara.

“Why should I?” Meanwhile, Yoongi surfed Netflix for his disaster anxiety fix.

“Try Seeking a Friend for the End of the World.” John Doe finished his plate clean. He let out a burp with an apologetic smile to his temporary Christmas host. “Well, I was wondering if I could still play the song. It’s yours anyway so you have all the rights.”

Yoongi’s eyes glazed over the first few seconds of the film, slightly amused at the insurance agent selling an apocalyptic package. “When music is released to the public, it never becomes the composer’s alone. It is also owned by the listener…and whatever they deem the music to be.”

“I’m Jeon Jungkook.”

“I just let you eat my food.”

“I’ll be your friend for the end of the world.”

A beat. “Fine. Min Yoongi.”

But it was a week of listening to ragged notes and misplaced sharps, and his (still) perfectionist ass wanted to right it.

“It’s open,” Jungkook yelled from what Yoongi presumed was his computer chair.

He sauntered inside with measured caution and watched his neighbor tick away in codes on three different screens. Yoongi silently slid the music sheets on a small free space on Jungkook’s desk.

“Software developer?”

“Not really. I’m a solutions specialist, the yes-boy,” Jungkook replied with a smug grin. He hit enter and the lines start to jumble together as he swiveled to face Yoongi. “You re-wrote your notes. You must be a producer or something.”

Yoongi clucks. “Close. A film composer.”

“Do you go to Hollywood?”

“I’m not made for performative limelight. The shadows are bright enough.”

“Cool. I want to make a film someday.”

“You have a day job.”

“Can’t a man have two dreams?”

“Touche. One can never have too many.”

“What’s yours then, Yoongi?”

“Just one but it won’t be mine.”

-----------------

March. Spring coming alive, and for the first time in months, Yoongi genuinely thought he was getting better and over him. Jeon Doe (maybe he’ll always call him this) was a light companion – not imposing, a bit fluttery, but steady in his essence. Perhaps it was the continuous wonder that ebb in his eyes or the utterly soft disregard of pain for something nonchalant.

On the eve of March 1st, he stroked again the keys of his piano, and Jungkook came into his unit and accompanied him with a guitar. It was an improvisation of chaotic notes in Yoongi’s head and by magic, Jungkook floated with that tornado. The contrast and the blend gave way to an unlikely partnership of melody and rhythm.

And on March 1st, Yoongi felt butterflies again when Jungkook joined him on the bench and giddily watched his fingers dance on white and black.

But on the second day of the month, the butterflies were replaced with quicksand.

Kim Seokjin called and wanted to meet. It was funny how in a moment of hesitancy, it was his heart who doubled and his feet that led. Their favorite bar, whiskey on the rocks for Jin, dry scotch for him, and an expanse of silence of between them.

“He’s too busy with production at the moment.” Jin downed his drink in one gulp. Yoongi didn’t even need to ask.

And I’m the only one who’s available. “At the moment is how many months?”

“For three months now.”

“You should break up.” An unsolicited advice Yoongi gave more than twice with not much success.

“If I was a music company, maybe he would do me,” Jin jested, holding the empty glass in his hand. “Should I buy one?”

“Buy his affections as well and monopolize them.” It was a banter Jin was used too and maybe by now, he should have known that Yoongi hid half-truths in them.

“They’re too intense for me alone. He’s always destined for the world.”

What could Yoongi do but surrender at the unspoken request of comfort. “There’s someone who treats you like you’re his whole world.”

“I wish I did too.”

Yoongi never had a sip of his scotch, but Jin’s languid kiss was enough to get drunk on. He lost the flutter and the lightness, and dove headfirst in heavy, steely waters. Yoongi missed the suffocating pressure and the sensation of bursting at the seams. If his heart would burst at this moment, it would shatter a hundred times more for the many touches and whispers to follow. He would gladly die in this misshapen illusion.

-----------------

“Your door was always locked,” Jungkook greeted a month after, carrying a big tub of fermented kimchi. “My dad dropped by to give me spares.”

Two weeks before this, Jin left in a hurry to go to the airport, saying Namjoon had been in an accident, and two weeks after, Yoongi never heard back from him.

He accepted the side dish from his neighbor, but nothing went past Jungkook. Realization was plain in his face, but he chose not to comment on it.

“Yoongi.”

“Hmm.” It was danger meeting Jungkook’s eyes so Yoongi kept his downcast.

“I told you before.”

“What?”

“That I’ll be your friend for the end of the world.”

Yoongi didn’t respond, and Jungkook took the cue to leave.

He repeated that same line later that night when he heard Yoongi trash his place, his bare arm catching the brunt of a baseball bat just before it landed on the piano keys.

“Why would you go so far?” Yoongi sneered, anger seeping through his controlled demeanor.

“Why would you go so far?” Jungkook cradled his arm like he cradled his pain. Like it was nothing. “It’s the end of the world.”

“I need a friend.”

-----------------

It was easier being with Jungkook – lighter, happier, with no care in the world. He was also honest in a straightforward, unassuming, and endearing way especially when those doe eyes of his were used to an advantage.

When he told Yoongi in the middle of Battle Royale, out of the blue, with no precedence whatsoever that “I don’t want to be just your friend”, it knocked the air out of the latter. And when Jungkook followed it with “You can use me, however you want”, Yoongi knew he had to get things sorted.

Lest he wants Jungkook trapped inside the vortex of unresolved feelings.

So Yoongi didn’t give him a tangible response. He just skidded closer to him on the couch and Jeon Doe took the cue to lay his head on the crook of his neck as another student was slashed to their death on the screen.

When credits rolled in, Yoongi dipped his head and found Jungkook already waiting with bated breath.

-----------------

“Ah, you found me.”

Jin was back in his penthouse in Seoul, alone with no Namjoon in tow.

“Am I a week early?” Yoongi asked.

“I just got in today.” True enough, unopened suitcases littered his living room. Too many suitcases for a vacation. “I’m relocating back. Is there such a thing?”

Yoongi went to one luggage and punched in the password Jin used when Namjoon and him got together, it did not open, so he tried another combination. Ah, only his birthdate. Yoongi packed the first of his clothes to cabinets he was all too familiar with. He went on with this rudimentary task with Jin at the kitchen, cooking up something for the two of them.

In a parallel universe, Yoongi would have been happily contented with this.

Tidied up, folded, and free, the two went through a simple steak and pasta dinner.

“We broke up.” He twirled his fork endlessly. “It hit me when I saw him go to an award show. I could never keep up with him, Yoongi, not when I’m taking a backseat while his dreams sit in the front.”

“Don’t be silly.”

Jin stared at him like he was betrayed.

“Don’t be silly,” Yoongi repeated, drawling each word. “Namjoon and his goals sit in another sports car while you drive a rundown secondhand.”

That made Jin laugh. “You’re merciless.” And then he grimaced. “I never felt this neglected. It was never this way when I was with you.”

“We’ve never had anything, Jin. You didn’t let me have anything,” Yoongi finished clean his pasta. He folded his napkin like a good guest and waited for Jin’s retort.

But he just sighed, defeated. “I destroyed what good we had. I’m afraid I also lost the friendship.”

“You know I can’t go back again to you.” Yoongi didn’t know if he threw a question or a statement.

“I saw it the instant you came through that door.” Jin put down his fork and trained his eyes on his best friend. “Happiness looks good on you.”

“You would have known already if you had just looked at me.”

Jin gave him a sad smile. “And it would have been the best sight had I tried harder.” He picked up again his fork, his lips pursed, his eyes brimming with tears. It was a foreign scene, Jin coming undone in front of him, not because of Namjoon, because of him. “So who is this guy?”

“I call him Jeon Doe.”

Jin kept brushing the side of his eyes while he twirled strands of noodles in his fork. When he opened his mouth to eat, tears brushed down his cheeks, breaking in rivulets as he chewed. “That’s a stupid name.”

Yoongi noticed the upwelling – the comeuppance of what was lost trying to mask itself as the crescent emotions. He knew it when Jungkook kissed him back that night, that he could never go back to this uncertainty. “And stupidly in love with me too.”

Jin continued to chew with salty tears. “I’m sorry, Yoongi.”

His hands clenched at the name that left his lips. “I got tired of being your placeholder. You couldn’t just leave and expect me to stay in one place. I also crack every time you touch me, and I shatter every time you go. I broke, Jin. I got torn apart, and I wasn’t sure whether I could still handle your overspilling love for someone else when I couldn’t even hold any for me.” Yoongi’s fingers stretched to touch the dam that escaped his friend’s eyes. “You must understand.”

“I’m sorry, Yoongi,” Jin repeated. “And I understand it. I get it now. I see it. It’s just overwhelming – this mountain of regrets and what-ifs and utter disregard I made for my own happiness.”

“I got in the crossfire.”

“A victim willing.”

“But not anymore.”

Jin shook his head. “No, not anymore.” He intertwined his fingers with Yoongi. “I hope it works out for you and Jeon Doe.”

Not a minute longer, Yoongi pulled away from Jin’s touch. “I hope you heal.”

-----------------

Jin saw them on the same piano bench, playing a duet in the middle of a wedding reception, hands flying about, touches fleeting but enthralling, releasing captivating, fluttery sounds – almost akin to freedom.

He was seeing now in full high-definition panorama the gravity of his consequences. He let go of his two great loves, one he loved with no fail, the other he took to fail.

And so he welcomed the splendor of pain. He had two great loves, and regardless of how they ended, they deserved a thorough journey of grief. He could only hope that at the end of it was what he saw in Yoongi.

Freedom.

[minervahopebeyond]

Blood Petals.

Hello!! I hope you like this one! I’m sorry that I couldn’t respond to you comments in the last chapter, I was really busy... but I loved reading them!!

Enjoy!!

Ps. Sorry if you find grammatical or vocabulary errors in this one!

Chapter 18: God save the Queen.

Draco corroborated his theory about how all things nice seemed to be at Grimmauld Place, when Sirius gave him all his vinyls for Christmas.

He honestly couldn’t understand how he lived so long only listening to the Weird Sisters, when something like Led Zeppelin even existed. The muggleborns must’ve think that wizards just had awful taste in music.

There were a lot, Draco couldn’t listen to all of them... He chose what he was going to listen to without even looking at the box, he closed his eyes, took one vinyl out and put it on. Randomly: he found Queen.

It was a Saturday, there were a few more days until New Years. The four of them were drinking some hot chocolate near the fireplace. He asked if it was alright to put some music and everyone agreed.

Draco got up from the couch and crossed the room to get to the record player. The box was right next to it; the blond boy closed his eyes and chose one. He opened his eyes. ‘Queen. A day at the Races.’ Draco looked at the cover, curious. There were animals surrounding a Q with a crown in the middle. He took out the vinyl and put it on the record player.

The blond boy also chose the song that he wanted to hear randomly. He would look at the grooves on the vinyl and chose the one he wanted, and it was a rule that he could not look at the titles of the songs. Potter teased him for it, said that he was the most weird person ever; Draco tended to ignore his comments on the matter.

He chose the groove and placed the needle on it. Suddenly, a man’s voice with the sound of a piano filled the room. Mr. Potter gasped.

“Listen to this,Padfoot. I feel sixteen again.” The man said with a bright smile.

They had been having this moments, Potter and him noticed them (which was a big thing because scarhead never noticed anything). The green-eyed boy looked at them, Draco could swear that he was smiling a little. Mr. Potter stood up and offered his hands at Sirius.

“Dance with me. We haven’t dance in so long.”

His cousin widened his eyes and turned to look at the two boys sitting next to him. Draco extended his arm and pushed him off the couch, as Sirius glared at him.

Mr. Potter took his hands; and placed one on his shoulder, while the other kept being intertwined with his. Then, Potter’s father put his other hand on Sirius’s waist.

Draco could see that his cousin was nervous... Sirius kept looking at Potter, who was still sitting on the couch. The green- eyed boy raised his mug up in the air like saying ‘cheers’ before taking another sip.

Ooh let me feel your heartbeat (grow faster, faster)

Ooh ooh can you feel my love heat, ooh

Come on and sit on my hot-seat of love

And tell me how do you feel right after-all

I'd like for you and I to go romancing

Say the word, your wish is my command

They started to dance. Given the fact that Potter was a horrible dancer, the blond boy was rather surprised when Mr. Potter began to move his feet marvelously. Sirius followed him, there was this complicity... He could tell that it really wasn’t the first time that they had danced like this.

Draco loved it all. The smile on both of their faces, how they mouthed the lyrics the whole time... From that day on: he adored listening to Queen.

The following day he discovered ‘A night at the Opera’ and cried while he listened to ‘Love of my life’. Potter found him out right sobbing on the couch, as he stepped out of the floo, when he returned from the Weasleys.

“Malfoy...? Do you want me to call someone?” The blond boy shook his head. “You are crying... a lot.” And Draco just snorted, trying to clean his tears with the back of his sleeve.

“It’s just this bloody song.” He took a deep breath and ended up coughing (again), petals falling on his lap (again). “Fuck.” He took his wand and vanished them. He looked at the boy standing in front of him... Potter had a worried face on. Draco sighed. “You asked me what does it feel. It feels like this song, the lyrics, the music... It feels just like this.” He said as a tear coursed down his cheek.

Potter sat next to him, and rested his head on the back of the couch, looking at him. His eyes were so green, so beautiful. Draco looked away.

“I know I’m pathetic-“

“You are not.” The boy interrupted him. “It’s special. I don’t think that everyone loves like you do. I wish I could love someone that way, someday at least.” He said with a soft smile on his face.

“Believe me, Potter, you don’t want this.” And he got up before he started to have a coughing fit next to the boy.

————————

Given the fact that Potter had spent Christmas’s Eve with the Weasleys, Ron was spending New Year’s Eve with them. This was really good news, because Draco missed him immensely.

Weasley arrived to Grimmauld Place on the morning of New Year’s Eve. Mr. Potter must’ve greeted him and guided him to the kitchen, because Sirius and Potter were still sleeping, which wasn’t new, they always slept in.

Draco was baking a cake, he had asked at the begging of the break if he could be in charge making the desserts for the holidays. ‘Killer Queen’ had just began, when the weasel found him in the kitchen; singing while he cooked.

She keeps her Moet et Chandon

In her pretty cabinet

"Let them eat cake", she says

Just like Marie Antoinette

A built-in remedy

For Khrushchev and Kennedy

At anytime an invitation

You can't decline

This song always reminded him of Pansy. Since the last days he had listened to Queen non-stop, he almost knew all the lyrics to every song he liked.

”Extraordinarily nice...

She's a Killer Queen”Draco sang as he turned around to look for a clean bowl. That’s when he saw Weasley standing there, smug smile on his face. The blond boy put a hand on his chest. “For Salazar’s sake, weasel! Announce yourself, you almost gave me a heart attack.” He hissed.

“Harry told me that you were spending all your time listening to some muggle band, I thought he was having me on.” Draco grabbed the bowl as he responded.

“They are amazing. I only have the albums from before Sirius moved with the Potters; but maybe when Mr. Potter can claim his old house again, I could listen to the rest of them.”

They talked for a while. Ron told him that he wrote to Granger a few times, they still were a little mad with each other but still, it was progress.

Draco was finishing the cake when Potter and Sirius entered the kitchen. Tired and narrowed green eyes were looking at them. Potter was still on his pajamas, his hair was more of a mess than usual. He heard him mumble something like ‘coffee’ as he sat in front of Ron. He clearly wasn’t a morning person, Draco huffed.

“First you should say hi, Potter, that’s your best friend.” Said the blond boy as he passed him and Sirius their mugs and the jar of coffee.

Sirius poured himself some coffee and asked were Kreacher was. Draco explained to him that he needed the kitchen so he was probably cleaning upstairs.

“Isn’t a little too early to be listening to this?” Potter said and the blond boy snorted.

“It’s eleven a.m, Potty.”

——————-

Remus came to have dinner with them too. They spent the entire time laughing, The Marauders told them some of the pranks that they did at school, and even though Draco already had heard some of them, he enjoyed listening.

Potter seemed happy and that was enough to make him feel happy too. The daffodils were making him ticklish, but in a good way, which was a relief because he was fucking tired of coughing petals.

They got to that awkward conversation about Draco’s situation, because Remus knew little about it. The blond boy was hoping they would stop talking; this days, it seemed like it was the only thing he talked about. The questions were always the same ones. ‘How can you be sure?’ ‘Does he know?’ ‘Is he from school?’ He was half listening to the conversation when Weasley spoke to him.

“What about Parkinson’s comment the other day?” They looked at Draco, expecting an answer. He arched his eyebrow.

“What comment, weasel?” His friend pulled a smug smile.

“The one about your Prince Charming, ferret.” The blond boy tried to fight the blush on his cheeks. If Mr. Potter or Sirius saw him like this they would tease infinitely. He rolled his eyes in annoyance.

“Are you blushing, little cousin?” The man asked in an amused voice. Then, he looked at Ron and Potter. “Who is it??”

Potter crossed his arms and huffed before answering.

“It’s no one. Ron is just being an idiot.”

“Are you kidding me?? You thought it was Blaise! My theory makes much more sense.”

Draco frowned at that. Theory? Oh for fuck’s sake. He groaned at his friend.

“Is this what you write in that stupid notebook? Candidates?”

He was so mad he could curse him. He didn’t need to be fucking saved by anyone.

“Well, yeah, you won’t tell us and I want to help. Sue me.” The redhead responded.

“We are still waiting to know who this Prince Charming is.” Said Remus as he ate a pice of the cake that Draco baked.

“Ron is talking about Nott but I think it’s bullshit.” Said Potter in an annoyed tone. Sirius raised his eyebrows and Mr. Potter smiled.

“The one that woke you up!” Said Potter’s father and Draco passed his hands over his face; tired.

“It’s like no one listens to me. He didn’t do anything to wake me up, I just did .” And then he turned to look at Weasley. “It’s not fucking Theodore! I don’t even know why you thought that.”

“See??” Said Potter. “Cross him off that stupid list.”

But Weasley didn’t drop the subject.

“For a bunch of reasons!” And Draco wished to die when the weasel started to list them. “You are close to him, you defend him; I’m sorry but if he didn’t do anything and you woke up that just proves my point, and also...” He saw the doubt in Weasley’s eyes. Draco new he wouldn’t like to hear the rest. “Well, you did put him on your list with the highest score (10/10)... and you wrote straight and then put questions marks right next to it.”

His face was on fire. He wanted to kill Weasley right there. This was probably the most embarrassing moment of his life. The Marauders were looking at him, trying to restrain their amused smiles, because they saw that the blond boy was angry. Weasley was still looking at him, waiting for him to answer. Draco looked at Potter just for a moment; the green-eyed boy was looking at him, disappointed.

The daffodils got upset really fast and Draco couldn’t contain the coughs. He covered his mouth with his hand to prevent the petals from falling on the table. He vanished the daffodils and looked up. Now, Potter had this disgusted pained look on his eyes.

“Bloody hell, I’m right! It’s Nott!” Said Weasley, with a triumphant laugh. Draco was about to call him a clueless idiot, but Potter spoke first.”

“How is that a good thing? Are you stupid?” The green-eyed boy was livid. Then he turned to look at Draco. “What the fuck do you see in him?” And he just couldn’t find the words, his emotions were too mixed up... He was angry at Ron, amused by his stupid theory, happy that Potter defended him. The flowers were like crazy; he couldn’t stop them, he coughed again.

Potter excused himself and left the room. Weasley sighed.

“Don’t worry, ferret. We are going to help you with this. He’ll come around.”

He just kept looking at the door... worried. Then, he heard Remus talk.

“I think you might have a chance with this. I remember you two being the little terrors on my class, partners in crime.” Then he turned to look at Sirius and Mr. Potter. “They reminded me a little bit of you two... but in a Slytherin version.”

Draco couldn’t understand how everyone had come to the wrong conclusion

[what-is-your-plan-today]

CSI:Rogers and Barnes- The Serious Serial Cereal Killer

Episode 2- A Sequins Of Unfortunate Events

Co written with @icanfeelastormbrewing

Episode Summary: Contains some sequins and a dumbass Steve as we flash back to THAT night (which is why most of it is in italics) and we see the real reason Katie’s a little pissed at him! Fasten your belts, this is a long one but we think it’s worth it. Episode Warnings: Bad Language words. SMUT (in an elevator and then in a bedroom) NSFW and no under 18s. A bit of angst and feelings and…yeah, stooped with two os. LONG episode but necessary cos, well, when is smut not needed???

Episode Pairings:  Steve Rogers x OFC Katie Stark (yeah she likes his ass in this episode but only because it’s mostly a flashback…and we challenge anyone not to want to shake him hard at the end!)

Song for Episode:  Slow Hands by Niall Horan 

A/N: This entire series contains dark humour (CSI + Brooklyn 99=CSI Steeb) Avengers and Stark Spangled Banner Easter Eggs and jokes. You don’t need to have read the SSB series to understand or enjoy this, but we’ve used the Universe to spin this off from so somethings might puzzle a few of you if you ain’t, but feel free to ask.

Also, our knowledge of American Policing and Brooklyn is limited, so bear with us if we slip up, but at the end of the day this is a fiction so we’ll claim any mistakes as creative license!!

Oh and I just wanna give some BIG recognition for my lovely co-writer…she’s written most of this Episode. (I just provided the smut and some editing coz I’m a ho!) And it’s beautiful and clever and she deserves some praise especially as English isn’t her first language!!

As always we live for re-blogs and comments  

CSI Rogers and Barnes Master List

“Hey Cap…” Thor nodded to Steve as he approached the bar where most of his team were stood, chatting.

“Hi fellas…can I get any of you a drink?”

They all nodded and thanked him, stating their orders. Steve turned to pay and at that point he heard Thor give a low whistle

“Holy shit…” he mumbled at the same time Clint also cursed.

“Damned…she looks good!”

“Oh for fucks sake come on guys…” Tony let out a sigh “That’s my little sister! Epically not cool.” Steve took a breath and turned to glance at Katie, his eyes widening. He couldn’t argue with Clint or Thor, she looked good. Better than good actually, stunning even. She was dressed in a tight, long sleeved green sequinned dress that was pretty damned short now he studied it. Not that he was complaining, particularly when she turned to speak to someone and he got a glimpse of how it curved over her shapely ass perfectly, leaving her toned legs on display, which looked even longer thanks to the patent black high-heel courts she was wearing. She continued her path into the room, her two-toned (“It’s called balayage, Stevie, you idiot!”) honey and dark brown hair cascaded over her shoulders in wave after wave of shiny, brunette locks which bounced as she walked, and he could see all the way from where he was that her eyes were lidded with some kind of gold sparkle and her lips were a dark, blood red.

Fuck! It was enough to make his pants feel tight. Really tight in fact. Steve thought she was pretty anyway, he’d be blind not to notice, and he’d seen her dolled up on so many occasions but tonight…well, tonight was something else.

She stopped, smiling and grinned, giving Romanoff a hug and the two women headed over to a table to the right.

“You’re catching flies…” Sam’s voice whispered in Steve’s ear. Steve turned instantly to look at him.

“No, that’s…I wasn’t…”

“You don’t have to pretend to me, man.” Sam grinned, taking the beer that Steve passed him as he dished the drinks out. “Pretty obvious you got feelings for the girl that go beyond friendship.”

Steve sighed and looked at Sam, preparing some kind of denial but he didn’t get the chance.

“You know she feels the same way, right?” Sam asked, “I can tell by the way she eye fucks you every time you’re in the same room.” “Sam.” Steve nearly choked on his bottle “Stop.”

“I’m just saying…” Sam grinned, “Tis the season for giving after all, if you get my drift…”

“Jesus…” Steve mumbled as Sam winked, turning to talk to Tony.

Steve fell into a conversation with Bruce, Clint and Thor about their plans for the holidays. Clint and his family were heading over to Minnesota to his in-laws, Thor was going to his Girlfriends seeing as this was the first Christmas his brother would spend behind bars, something that Steve could tell the man was a little bit upset about.

“You gotta admit.” Bruce looked at Thor, “Your brother…man, he’s not all there. His brain is a bag of cats.” “He’s still my brother.”

“Man, he killed 18 people in 2 days.” Clint looked at him.

“He’s adopted.” Thor shrugged.

“Did you forget the rest of your clothes or…” Steve heard Tony’ quip and turned round to see Katie stood in front of her brother. “I can see what you had for breakfast young lady.”

“Piss off Tony.” she shot back, and he quirked an eyebrow, looking at Sam.

“Rude.” he mumbled.

“I think you look great.” Sam said, “Doesn’t she Steve?”

Steve shot Sam a filthy look before he turned to his best friend, smiling “Stunning, as always.” “Smooth Rogers.” she grinned at him, making a deal of looking him up and down “Looking pretty fly yourself!”

He glanced down at the light blue button down he was wearing underneath a tweed blazer, coupled with dark Diesel Jeans and brown brogue boots before looking at her, grinning cheekily “Well my best friend is also my self-appointed stylist and she knows her stuff, what can I say?”

“You can thank her by buying her a drink.” Katie winked back and Steve laughed, turning to order her a martini.  “Gin…” “Not vodka, yeah I know…” he finished for her as she bumped her hip against his. She curled and arm round his waist and he found his dropping round her shoulder, giving her a friendly squeeze before they released one another.

As always happens at parties, everyone started to drift off to speak to people they knew and take the time to catch up. Katie and Steve remained at the bar and the party was in full swing by the time Katie finished her drink and Steve drained his second beer. She ordered them another round as Steve took a quick look around. The hip, rooftop bar they were in, The Westlight, was located in the William Vale, a 5 star hotel in the heart of the City, and it was crammed with people celebrating. This year the local authorities of New York had decided to indulge Brooklyn security forces and had decided to throw an over the top Christmas party for both 99th and 101st units of NYPD and the Brooklyn section of New York's Fire Department and had hired the entire bar. Katie had joked about getting a room in the hotel simply so she could pretend she was a right high-roller for a night and a day but had soon balked at the fact they were over $300. Mind you, Steve had to give it to them. The views the place offered of the New York Sky Line was something else.

 It almost made up for the obscene prices at the bar. Almost.

With a thanks he took the beer that was slid his way and they resumed their conversation, talk between the pair of them easy as always, and they launched into a discussion about Steve’s new car which he had collected earlier that day.

“So you drove?” Katie looked at him and he shrugged “Dude, it’s the Christmas party…” “Yeah and I can leave it here if I decide to.” Steve shrugged “It’ll be safe enough with the valet...” “Why didn’t you just get a cab?” “Hey, look, I’ve been waiting 12 weeks for that baby.” he said, looking at her “I wanted to drive it.” “You know, your obsession with cars is kinda a little bit sad” she grinned.

“I could say the same thing about you and shoes.” “Hey, at least my obsession fits in a wardrobe…”

“Yeah, they also fit in my hand when I end up carrying them, and you, home from a night out when you can’t walk in them anymore…” he looked at her.

She narrowed her eyes playfully and was about to quip something back when they were interrupted.

"Having fun Kiddo?" Tony asked and Katie turned to her brother as he made a gesture to her with his hand "Just roll with me." he mouthed.

Katie smiled and raised an eyebrow at him. "What's up with you, Tone?" she asked amused, sharing a side glance with Steve who was now also smiling at Tony's awkward face. 

"Shhh, trying to get rid of..." he was about to explain but was interrupted by an overexcited Peter Parker.

"Whooooa, this party is pretty awesome Mr. Stark! Don't you think?" he piped. "I mean, this is... Look at all those people, they are... there are hundreds of them, and the place is just..." he continued babbling while grabbing Tony by his arm and looking all around him.

"Yeah, you're very articulate, aren't you?" Tony deadpanned.

Katie giggled softly "Glad you're having fun Peter." 

Peter, who hadn't noticed that Tony stood beside Katie and Steve by the bar, turned to her and couldn't help but check her out in awe "Oh my God! Katie, I mean, Miss Stark, you look hot!" 

Katie started laughing like crazy after Peter's remark and Steve shook his head at him with a grin.

“Ok Underoos, time to shut up that squealing mouth of yours before I stick a coaster down your throat." Tony said glaring at him, picking up a bar mat from the surface and waving it threateningly in Peter’s direction.

Peter, who was now blushing fiercely, tried to come up with an apology "Oh, I'm sorry Miss Stark, you're not hot…”

Katie was looking at Peter with a raised eyebrow and an amused expression on her face, she had a soft spot for the boy. Tony was now getting annoyed and rolled his eyes "Oh, come on...." 

"Sorry, that's not what I meant, I mean yeah you look hot,... Oh, God... I mean, you look great tonight Miss Stark...." he stuttered and turned to Steve who now gave him a wide smile.

"Peter." he greeted the kid.

"Cap…Captain" he greeted back a mixture of shyness at his boss and embarrassment for the ongoing conversation he was trying to get back on the right track much to Tony's dismay.

“Just Steve outside the station Peter…” Steve smiled at him.

It was then that Sam approached the group, bottle of beer in his hand and moving his head to the beat of the music which was blasting from the speakers all over the club. 

"Is he misbehaving?" he asked Tony, Katie and Steve with a fake serious face."Are you misbehaving, kid?" he turned to Peter now patting him on the back. "You know you get cranky when you don't get your juice box."

"Yeah, kid's on a sugar rush." Tony quipped.

"Ok, let's get you some hot cocoa short stack." Sam offered.

"I'm not a kid Mr Wilson, you know I'm 21..." Peter started rambling again as Sam took him by his arm and both disappeared among the sea of people.

"If you excuse me, gentlemen, I'm going to greet some people" Katie said to Tony and Steve as she also started to make her way towards a group of people who were perched on a table by the large windows which looked out over the City.

Steve waved her goodbye "See you, later". And turned to Tony who was now ordering his third tumbler of Scotch and one for Bruce who joined them moments later. Steve found himself trying to pay attention to what the two men were telling him, but although he was nodding and humming in agreement with Tony's bragging and Bruce’s slightly more modest chat, he didn't have a clue to what either man was saying. 

He couldn't keep his eyes off Katie. He had tried but failed spectacularly. He was continuously gazing in her direction where she was now talking to her former friends from the 99th. Peralta, Diaz, Boyle and Jeffers welcomed her immediately, Jeffers standing up to give her a huge hug before he she slid onto the bench seat next to him, joining in the conversation. A few moments later, Boone from the NYFD sauntered over and the table greeted him and he made to sit down and join them, which was quite funny to Steve as he knew from Katie’s tales that Peralta and him had a long history of confrontations.

But what wasn’t funny to Steve was the next man that joined them. Steve hadn't seen him before so he presumed the guy was from the Fire Department, which seemed to be confirmed when he reached over, shaking Boone’s hand before Boone proceeded to gesture around the table. Mystery man then shook everyone’s hand in turn, but when it came to Katie he saw the man’s entire body language change and he kissed the back of her hand before gesturing to the seat next to her. She nodded, smiling and moved up slightly to allow him to sit down.

Steve watched as they struck up a conversation and the sight of the tall, well-built, really quite handsome man leaning over to say something into her ear was enough to send Steve to a place he had never been before, certainly not when it came to his best friend. Was it protectiveness, annoyance at the memory of shitweasel Ward? Was it concern about her safety, after all she didn’t know the guy did she? Was it exasperation at the guy's bold mannerisms as his arm curled round the back of the bench she was sat on, his entire body angled towards her? Was it uneasiness due to the fact that she actually seemed to be pretty comfortable around the guy and looked like she was enjoying the attention? Was it....?

Oh God, it was, wasn't it? It suddenly struck him like lightning.

"Are you Ok, Cap?" he heard Tony ask him. "You're staring blankly at us and clenching you jaw. I mean, I know the gadgets Brucey and I have put together are pretty awesome, but still..."

Steve swallowed thickly before he composed himself. "Excuse me Tony, Bruce…need to find the restroom."

With that he started walking away from the men, heading to the door that led to the outside roof terrace, not looking back. He pushed the door open, the cold December air hitting him like a sledge hammer, but he hardly noticed. He was too busy trying to make sense of the million and one thoughts which were careering through his brain, but no matter how much he tried to tell himself otherwise, it was no use. He knew exactly what that feeling that had swept over him when he’d watched Katie was.

He was jealous.

If he was being perfectly honest, it wasn’t the fact that he was jealous that had him so distressed, it was the realization that all those feelings he had been harbouring for Katie over the last ten years had hit him right between the eyes when he least expected them. 

Steve leaned his arms on the railing of the balcony and ducked his head between them, letting out a oft groan. His mind was wandering back and forth in time, searching a rational explanation for what he was feeling. But what can be explained rationally when it comes to feelings? He closed his eyes and sighed. Feelings developed slowly, didn't they? They didn't just hit you all at once in a bar in Brooklyn just because a pretty girl made one hell of an entrance in a tight sequined number.

He straightened himself and gazed into the beautifully lit skyline of the city, his analytical mind working at full speed, roaming through all those years he had known Katie. Ten years. Ten years they had been friends, best friends even. So close that everyone laughed at the fact that they seemed just like a married couple.

And now that he came to think of it there were those small things that would likely have given him away in the eyes of others all through that time. How he hated Ward for starters, he had never trusted him. How he would look away whenever he kissed her or even hugged her. Katie had teased him about PDAs making him uncomfortable but it wasn’t that. It was because those particular ones did.

He had never been uncomfortable around Katie, in fact he had quite liked all those funny little feelings he got when she laughed or teased him, flirted with him slightly in the way she always did. He smiled remembering how he had flushed whenever she behaved like that with him, it was a warming feeling that had made his cheeks red every now and then that he had simply put down to awkwardness or embarrassment. But it was nothing of the sort, it was just him having feelings for Katie, and those feelings had been there for some time now.

Almost ten years in fact. So, when he thought about it, it had been a pretty slow burn after all.

"Fuck"  he whispered at the realization Sam had hit the nail on the head.

What now? How did he act on those feelings? That is if he should act on them in the first place. What was that Sam had said? Did she have feelings for him too? Did he want to know? Too many questions and the only thing he knew for sure was that he wasn't gonna get an answer to any of them out there. He decided to get himself together, go back inside and play it cool. As cool as he could manage that is, considering that the scrawny Brooklyn kid he once was usually liked to make an appearance in situations like this.

He could do this…he could do this… get it together Rogers.

He pushed himself back from the railing and turned round

"Let's see how it goes" he whispered to himself before opening the door that led back to the bar.

He needed a drink was the first thing he thought while he made his way through the people, greeting some colleagues and acquaintances alongside. Yup, some Dutch courage…even if he still had no idea to what purpose.

He found Bruce, Thor and James Rhodes, or Rhodey as they called him, Head of Relations with the Press, by the bar. When he reached the three men, he ordered another beer from the barman gesturing with his hand.

"Gentlemen." Steve greeted them. "Enjoying yourselves?"

"Yeah, some more than others." Rhodey pointed with his head to Thor who had now his left arm and head slumped on the bar counter.

Bruce, who was looking at a certain redhead dancing the night away in the middle of the dance floor with Wanda, Rosa, Gina and Amy from the 99, turned to see what Rhodey was talking about and asked "Is he sleeping?"

"No, I'm pretty sure he's dead." Rhodey deadpanned.

And with that Thor snored and woke himself up, stumbling on the stool he was half seated. Steve scoffed and swept his eyes around the club searching for Katie only to find her still seated chatting with the fancy fireman. He turned around to face the counter and grab his beer in an attempt to calm himself and steady his hands. He saw Thor's now empty glass there, in an almost reflex action he took one of the ice cubes that still hadn't melt and put it in his mouth, munching it instantly, the crunch satisfying.

Bruce looked at him at the sound of his teeth and jaws grinding ice and with a raised eyebrow asked "What's with you and ice?"

"Childhood trauma." he said sharply.

"Yeah, I get it. I still have issues with green veggies." Bruce said shyly. "They still make me angry." 

"You seem quite a calm guy" Steve said now smiling at Bruce.

"No, that's my secret Cap, I'm always angry." Bruce retorted.

They suddenly heard a loud thud and looked down finding Thor, who had slipped from the stool, sprawled on the floor. 

"Now, he's dead." Rhodey said laughing while Steve, Bruce and Sam, who had come to the rescue, helped the big man up. 

"I'm good. I'm good." Thor said and started dancing to the music and singing loudly, and out of tune, to the song that was playing while giving a thumbs up to the DJ in the cabin.

"What's that awful noise?" Tony who had now joined the small group asked.

"Blondie here, murdering song after song." Rodney replied.

"Thor! Thor!" Tony called. "Thor, for fuck sake, will you please stop squealing? You think you're a full tilt diva but your voice is hitting on my head like a hammer!"

Thor stopped singing but continued moving his arms and head and stomping his feet to the rhythm of the music. Steve laughed softly at the clumsy ways of such a big man and when he looked up he smiled at the vision of Clint approaching them the team ladies in tow. 

"Heads up, everybody" Clint yelled impersonating some kind of MC, "Let's have a toast for the 101st."

"Sure thing" Tony said gesturing to the barman and ordering a drink for everybody to toast.

Steve tensed up when he felt Katie by his side, her arm brushing against the fabric of his shirt. 

"Having fun, Cap?" she asked with a playful smile.

"Not as much as you." he replied face-palming himself internally at his own reply. 

He saw Katie look at him with a frown and her mouth wide open. She was about to ask him something, probably what had come over him, but she couldn't as at that very moment Tony came back with a tray full of champagne flutes for everyone.

"Ok, raise your glasses everyone and let's hear it for the Brooklyn 101" Clint yelled.

"For the Brooklyn 101" everybody yell back clinking glasses and sipping from them. 

They all turned at the loud sound of a glass breaking and saw Thor grinning as he looked at the shards on the floor, before he glanced up and with a huge bellow shouted "Another!"

The staff of the club, however, weren't that willing to laugh at Thor's shenanigans as they came to gather the broken glass to avoid someone being badly cut. Clint, Sam and Rhodey took Thor outside to breath some fresh air. Natasha dragged Wanda and Bruce back to the dance floor. And Tony went to the restroom or as he put it, to take a leak.

Now that they were alone Katie pulled on Steve's hand and headed for a more secluded table at the far end of the club. He let her tug him along and settled onto the bench besides her.

"Ok, what was that about?" she shot at him.

"What was what?"  Steve asked trying to avoid giving her a straight answer, allowing him a moment to think about how he was going to play his cards. Was he going to play them? His mind was in turmoil. He felt a bit dizzy, he had had too many beers, he knew. Luckily, that nutrition programme he took part in during college had gifted him some sort of increased metabolism which prevented him from getting overly drunk, well, Thor scale of drunk anyway, that was unless he hit the hard stuff.

"You know what I mean Steve, don't play dumb with me." Katie was raising her voice now.

"I only said you seemed to be enjoying the company." Steve shrugged trying to appear relaxed.

"Of course I was! It's been a while since I'd been able to catch up with the boys." she said. "I was having a great time watching Peralta and Boone roast each other." She laughed. "See what I did there." She winked. 

Steve merely raised an eyebrow and crossed his arms over his chest.

"Oh! Wait.." Katie smiled amused. "You're talking about.... Yes, you are, aren't you?"

Steve didn't answer, he continued looking at her, not sure if he wanted to know more about the mystery fancy fireman.

"He's a friend Steve, well sort of, we hadn't actually met before tonight." Katie said softly like she was talking to an angry child.

Steve frowned, not understanding how one can be friends with someone and have never actually met.

"His brother in law is friends with Tony, freak scientists stuff..." Katie explained now. "You must have heard about him, Reed.... Reed Richards?"

Steve stared blankly at her, trying to match a face with that name in his mind.

“He developed a lot of the forensics awareness training new officers do.” she said.

“Ah, yeah…vaguely…” Steve nodded, the image of a tall, dark haired man crossed his mind.

"Johnny is a fireman, he works under Boone’s chain." Katie continued while stirring her drink with the straw. "He seems nice, we've only been chatting..." she suddenly stopped and looked up at Steve. "Hang on! Why am I explaining myself to you anyway?" she asked squinting her eyes at Steve.

Steve hesitated for a few seconds and was about to provide her with a feasible answer that would soothe her when he felt someone slap him on his back.

"Hey, Cap" Tony squealed and turned to face his sister.

"Been talking to Fury, kiddo. The Pirate says you're considering DC after all." he said looking at Katie trying to keep his legs steady and leaning on her shoulder. "Warn a brother next time, will you? You made me look like a fool." he slurred and turned to the dance floor trying to focus his sight.

"Hey, Bruce, good moves..." he said now leaving the friends sat there, walking off to join his team mates on the dancefloor, moving his arms suggestively over his head.

"What was that?" Steve snapped. "About DC? You've made your mind up?"

"I'd be stupid not to go. But hey, nothing's set up in stone. I'm just considering it" she answered trying to lighten up the mood.

"I didn't think you'd be serious about the role." Steve demeanour was getting bleaker.

"Why?" Katie asked frowning at him. "Of course, I'm serious, Steve. You told me there's no Sergeant vacancy in the unit, not as a Detective and I don't wanna go back to uniform."

"I know. It's just I didn't think they would actually offer it to you." he said now trying to sound as convincing as possible.

He wasn't prepared to let her go. To let her leave him. Not now. What if? What if history repeats? Peggy left him for the chance of pursuing higher ranks at the force. She had broken him and now he wasn't sure if he would be able to cope with Katie leaving him as well. He had known Katie way more years than he had known Peggy after all.

"You didn’t think they’d offer it to me? Why’s that, Steve?" Katie was getting visibly annoyed now. "Because I'm not good enough?"

"No! That's not what I meant!" Steve couldn't help but yell back.

"That’s the second time you spoken to me out of turn tonight" she said, her nostrils flaring. "I'm done."

Katie stood up and pushed between him and the table, grabbing her purse and stalking over the room heading for the door.  

Steve fumbled a bit and watched her go away. "Shit" he yelled behind gritted teeth. Slamming his beer back onto the table he jumped up and started to walk towards the door, needing to catch her before it was too late. 

On his way across the dance floor, well a straight line is always the fastest way to your target, he heard Tony say "Uh-oh, Kiddo rant scale currently at 7..." while Natasha turned to Clint and deadpanned "They need to bone and get it out of their system."

Just what he needed to hear now. Damned his better than normal hearing. Steve emerged into the entrance hall of the bar floor but there was no trace of Katie. He looked up and saw the light of the elevator signalling it was going down. With no time to spare he opened the door that lead to the stairs and rushed down two steps at a time.

When he reached the ground floor he was panting as he burst through the door into the lobby of the hotel and stopped in his tracks as he spotted Katie putting on her coat by the reception desk. Thank God, her stop at the cloakroom had provided him with a few precious minutes.

He walked to the reception trying to make up his mind on what to say. When he caught up with her, he heard her ask for a cab to the receptionist.

"Cancel that." he said to the receptionist.

"Don't you dare." she looked at the receptionist.

"Cancel it!" he said again, his voice this time stern.

“Grrr!” with an angry growl she turned and glared at him "Fuck off, Steve." she snarled and started to walk to the main door "You're an asshole." she said before stepping out and slamming the door, not caring if she nearly clipped Steve's face.

Steve followed her and grabbed her arm. "Come here." he said taking her away from the brightly lit area by the main entrance to the hotel to a more intimate spot a bit further along that was slightly dimmer.

Katie flinched slightly at the strength of his grip and Steve noticed and let her loose. "I'm sorry." he said raising his palms. "I'm sorry, doll" he said again. "Just talk to me, right?"

"Why don't you support me? I thought of all the people you'd be the most thrilled about me having this opportunity, Steve." she said wrapping her coat around her chest, a hurt look in her eyes.

"Of course, I support you." Steve said quietly. "You're an amazing Detective. It's not that..." he hesitated, not knowing how to carry on.

"Then, what is it? Explain it to me because you've been acting weird all night" she said her green eyes pleading him.

He was well damned fucked. Point of no return.

"When I told you about that opportunity last month, you were all for it so I applied, so what changed?" she continued trying to make her point seeing as he wasn't saying anything.

Steve closed his eyes for a few seconds and then opened them again.

"You" he simply said.

"Me? I've changed?" Katie asked not understanding what he was trying to say.

"No. Not you..." he paused before continuing. "God, this is messy..." he rubbed the back of his neck. "The way I see you." he finally said looking directly into those beautiful green eyes. “That’s changed.”

"Oh" Katie managed to mutter. She was suddenly silent, searching into his blue eyes. After a moment, which seemed an eternity to Steve, she stepped forward and whispered.

"Say it." 

"Say what?" Steve asked still looking into her eyes.

"Use your words, Stevie. Tell me what you mean." she softly encouraged him.

Oh God, that damned pet name…

"Can I ask you a question?" he said, licking his lips nervously.

"You just did, but I'll give you another go." she smiled.

He rolled his eyes but smiled back at her before saying "Sam told me before... that you have..." he paused. 

"That I have what?" she asked.

"That you have feelings for me." he finished.

"Oh" she simply said, her eyes wide. Her cheeks flushed and she bit her lower lip. "Did he? Are those gonna be his last words?" she said with a shy smile not losing contact with his eyes.

"Is it true?" he asked, a tinge of hope in his words, bolstered by the fact she hadn’t denied it. "Do you feel it too? I mean, when we're hanging around, when we spend time together? Because it feels more to me, like we’re more than just friends…"

"I feel it when you're not around, Stevie." she said gently, cutting him off. Her eyes still locked onto his.

Steve breath hitched at her admission, a shy smile spread across his face.

"Steve, I..." she started to say but fell into silence, her face was now really flushed and so was her neck, in the way it always did when she was feeling slightly awkward or embarrassed or excited.

"Use your words, doll." he said softly, smiling at her. His attempt to ease the tension worked and she giggled and looked down, tucking her hair behind both her ears before she glanced back up at him, desire now sparkling in her eyes.

"Steve, I've liked you since the day we met. I think you're the most amazing person in the world. You're gorgeous inside and out..." she breathed deeply before continuing "After everything, well you make me feel safe like.... like I'm home…I just never thought in a million years that a guy like you would ever look at me like that.”

Now it was Steve who fell deadly silent. He pondered Katie's words for a moment and gave her a shy side smile. “You have no idea how beautiful you are do you?”

She gave a soft chuckle, shaking her head as she looked down muttering the word “Charmer.” as he reached out and gently tipped her head up so she was looking at him. His eyes bounced across both of hers for a second or so before he gently tilted her face up, angling her head. The distance between them closed…until she was knocked sideways, stumbling a little. He caught her and turned to glare at the culprit.

“Heyyyy!” Boyle smiled, swinging his arms out to the side “Didn’t see you there…” “He’s drunk…” Peralta apologised, “And so am I…we’re gonna get food…” Katie nodded at them both and with the hand that was curled around her waist, Steve gently squeezed her hip.

“NINE NINE!” Peralta yelled, punching the air as he left, Boyle whooping and repeating the chant as he tripped slightly before they rounded the corner. As they disappeared from sight Steve bent over and softly spoke into her ear.

“Shall I take you home, Doll?”

“Thought you were never gonna ask…” she said, not looking at him. He squeezed her hip again and together they strode back towards the valet, reaching into his wallet for the ticket, neither of them saying a word.

As soon as she was in the car she kicked off her shoes and let out a groan. “My feet are killing me…” she said, placing her feet up in front of her. She looked around the inside of the car, not actually having been inside it yet seeing as he had only picked it up that afternoon and gave a hum of appreciation.

“It’s nice…not as sexy as your mustang but I like it.” she said.

“Sweetheart, I haven’t had that mustang in years” he chuckled.

“Yeah I know.” she sighed “I liked that car, I still can’t believe you got rid of it.”

“Thought it was time I grew up a little…” he shrugged, looking at her.

“You’ll be driving around in a Prius soon, like Brian off Family Guy…” “Piss off…” he laughed as she let out a chuckle, flexing her dainty painted toes as they rest on the leather of the dash.

“Where did you this one from again?”

“It was imported from Germany, now get your feet off the dash.” She looked at him, a coy smirk on her face and moved her long legs one by one, placing her feet in the foot well. How the fuck she made such a simple movement as much of a turn on as she did, he had no idea. Had she always been such a teasing minx?

The rest of the car drive was spent in a comfortable silence. Well, as comfortable as it can be with a semi-lob on. His fingers were impatiently tapping on the arm rest between them and Katie reached out and pulled his hand onto her lap, gently running her finger tips over his knuckles as his palm lay against the bare, warm skin of her thigh. His jeans began to feel even tighter and it was all he could do to stop his hand wandering further up her skirt as he drove. Every so often she’d shoot him a knowing look, her eyes sparkling, and he’d simply grin back, or try and ignore her, keeping his eyes on the road.

Thankfully her place was nearer than his so he found a spare space outside her block and climbed out, opening the passenger side for her.

“Thanks.” she said, her voice quiet but oh so loaded and fuck, it made his trouser predicament even worse. He walked behind her, up the few steps into her building where she unlocked the door and dropped her keys into her pocket. His arm once more around her waist, they waited impatiently for the elevator.

No sooner had the elevator doors shut than Steve's final tendril of self-control snapped and he spun, pushing Katie back by her shoulders. She let out a soft squeak of surprise as his hand slid up to the back of her head, fingers winding into her hair, holding her face steady. There was a split second where she gazed up at him, her eyes bright with a lust he had never seen before, and then she bit her bottom lip and he was done for. Their lips met and God it was everything he had imagined it to be, and more. His lips massaged against hers, softly at first but then he felt her hands sliding up round his neck as she pulled him to her harder, and Steve couldn't help the soft groan that left his mouth. He felt her lips curve into a smirk and he took the chance, tongue sweeping across her bottom lip. Obligingly she gave him what he wanted, and depend the kiss even more, her mouth opening to grant him access. She tasted slightly sweet, the remnants of her last drink invaded his senses as his tongue fought hers for dominance and holy fucking shit he didn’t ever think he'd ever been kissed like this before in his life.

Pressing into her more he moved his hands to gently grab at her hips, hands dropping to her ass where he hauled her up, pressing her back into the elevator wall. Her legs wrapped around his waist as he pushed up against her, hands gently creeping up the hem of her dress, fingers softly caressing the outside of her thighs and his lips moved from hers to the pulse point of her neck and she gave a soft, sultry sigh. Steve knew he was an absolute gonner and he couldn’t help but react to her noises and movements by pushing against her and the noise she made as his denim clad crotch rubbed up against the fabric of her underwear was fucking sinful. His cock twitched and somewhere in his brain his logical mind desperately fought for a shard of restraint because they were still in fucking elevator after all... But it was her that stopped, quite suddenly too. Steve felt her tap him lightly on his shoulder and he moved from where he had been softly nipping at her neck to look at her, questioningly, wondering if she was having second thoughts. She bit her lip and nodded behind him which made him turn, and he saw the elevator door had opened and a small, blonde woman was looking at the pair of them, eyebrow raised, mouth dropped in slightly shock. "Shit." Steve mumbled as Katie gave a very un-ladylike snort as he set her on her feet. He bent down to retrieve her purse for her as she straightened out her dress. She took the purse in one hand and reached for his with her other, lacing her fingers between his. As they passed she nodded to the woman and said her name, but all too late Steve realised he hadn't heard it as his brain was still trying to catch up. Not wanting to be rude he nodded to the woman "Neighbour..." "Have a good evening..." she replied, not even bothering to hide the smirk from her face. "Did you seriously just say neighbour?" Katie snorted as she crossed the hall towards her door. "Well I don't know her name..." he said as she turned to face him.

"What?" She blinked, shaking her head. "Sharon! I literally said it like 3 seconds ago!" "And you think I was listening?" He said, arching an eyebrow as he placed both hands on the door, palms flat at either side of her head, caging her with his strong arms. His face was inches from hers again and she grinned "You gonna give me a chance to find my keys or just kick my door in?" With an arch of his eyebrow his left hand slid into the right pocket of her coat, and he pulled them out, hanging them in front of her face. Not taking her eyes off his she reached out to take them, before turning around to slip the key in the lock. Steve gently swept her hair off her neck and trailed hot kisses up towards her ear. With a sigh she rolled her head to the side as his mouth grazed a path to her jaw line before he placed a soft kiss at the side of her mouth.

“Open the door sweetheart” he said, his voice low and she jerked back into action, turning the key. Steve leaned over, pushing the door open and she stepped inside, Steve following. The door opened into the hallway which was dimly lit by a lamp on the table to the side of the door. Katie tossed her keys onto it, along with her purse as Steve clicked the door shut, leaning back on it as he watched her turn to him, eyes heavy as she looked up at him. There was a moment’s pause before he stepped forwards, hands creeping up to cradle her face as he gently pressed his lips to hers, the kiss a stark contrast to the urgent ones they’d shared moments before. Soft, sensual, his large hands caressing the side of her cheeks and neck as she leaned up into him eagerly. The kiss broke and he ran his nose against hers, pulling back slightly.

“You sure?” he said, his voice a whisper, needing to know she still wanted to go through with this, cross that final line. Without a word she turned, tugging on his hand, leading him to the right down the hall towards her room. As the reached the doorway he pulled her back towards him, spinning her round making her giggle as she fell into his chest, his arms wrapping around her as he bent to kiss her again, the pair of them blindly stumbling into the room, which is when Steve felt a searing pain in his shin as it collided pain fully with the wooden doorframe.

“Mother fucker…” he cursed, releasing Katie as he bent to rub at his shin, hopping on one leg into the room as Katie laughed whilst a plethora of curses that would make a sailor blush tumbled from his lips.

“Awww want me to kiss it better?” she teased as she undid her coat and tossed it over the back of the chair that sat in front of her vanity unit.

“Oh, you’re gonna kiss summink…” he snarked back as he kicked the door to the room shut, smirking at the look on her face as she arched an eyebrow.

“Very presumptuous of you Captain.” she teased.

“Think we’re a bit past the presuming stage don’t you?” he said, closing the distance between them again, on arm snaking round her waist as he pulled her back to him. Her hands ran up his chest to the lapels on his jacket as she pushed it back off his shoulders and Steve moved his arms allowing it to fall to the floor. Next she was working at his shirt, tugging the bottom of it out of his jeans as his mouth claimed hers again, hungrily. He felt the soft brush of her fingers as she worked the buttons undone, pushing it open and her warm hands slid over the planes of his stomach, travelling slightly downward towards the buckle of his jeans.

“ah ah…” he said, breaking the kiss and grabbing at her hands. “Your turn…”

“But I’m only wearing one thing…” she pouted, looking up at him. “You’re like…”

“You have an argument for everything…” he said, his hands sliding up the back of her dress, feeling for the zip.

“Do not.” she shot back and he sighed in exasperation.

“Argumentative brat, as always…look, does this thing even have a zip?”

She laughed, “No…”

He reached down to grab the hem, her breath catching slightly as his fingers brushed against her thighs but he didn’t argue as she held her arms up to allow him to pull the dress over her head. Steve gently reached out to brush her tousled, long waves back off her face before he glanced down, swallowing at the sight of her stood before him in heels and a matching black lace lingerie set.

“Fuck…” he mumbled, his hands reaching down to her hips, pulling her back flush to his body, kissing her again. This time when her hands fell to his belt buckle and undid it he didn’t object. He kicked off his boots as she worked his jeans open, her fingers grazing the skin just below his waist band and he bucked at her touch.

“So sensitive for such a big, tough guy…” she teased into his kiss and he gave a chuckle.

“You know I’m a big softie really…” he said

“Nothing soft about this…” she remarked, her hand reaching into her boxers and grasping his painfully hard cock, causing him to buck violently in response.

“Jesus Doll, give a guy some warning…” he stuttered out between his grit teeth.

“Where’s the fun in that?” she shot back.

Unable to take it anymore he moved, stepping out of his jeans and backed her to the bed, hands reaching round to unhook the clasp of her bra. As it fell away he gave another moan at her now bare chest in front to him, perfect pink skin on display.

“God you’re beautiful.” he said, eyes locking onto hers.

“Bet you say that to all the girls…” she teased back.

He snorted “They’re not exactly lining up sweetheart.” “More fool them…” she said, leaning up to kiss him again, her hands snaking round his neck. They both fell back onto the bed with a soft thud, and he moved her gently so she was led under him. She pulled away pushing on his shoulders and looked up at him as she propped herself up on her elbows.

“Socks.” “What?” he frowned.

“Take them off.”

“Katie, I-” “Steven, I’m not having sex with a guy who leaves his socks on.” Katie said, shaking her head “That’s just fucking weird.”

“You’re killing me doll, you know that?” he groaned. He sat up, shaking his head and pulled the offending garments off before he crawled back over the top of her. “Ok now?” “Yeah…” she nodded, grinning.

With a roll of his eyes he dropped his lips back to hers and kissed her again, hands gently tangling in her hair as he held her face still, lips moving from her lips to her jaw line to that spot on the neck he had noticed she’d appreciated him lavishing affection on before. She gave a soft moan, and her hips bucked upwards slightly, drawing a soft growl from his throat at the feeling as she pushed against him. His mouth moved downwards, lips and tongue circling the swell of her breast before he gently took a nipple into his mouth, listening to her soft keens as he teased her, his other hand sliding down over the curve of her hip, fingers brushing the skin just above her panty line. Without a word he slipped his fingers down, over her mound and she groaned again, arching her back.

“Fuck…” she mumbled, “Steve…”

He didn’t waste any time. His deft fingers began to play, coaxing more and more wetness from her as he went. He glanced up to see her head was thrown back against her pillow, eyes shut in utter bliss as she bit her lip.

“Look at me…” he said softly, moving so that his face was hovering over hers again, fingers still working. She opened those emeralds he felt he could drown in and her pupils were blown with desire. His fingers picked up their pace and he slid one, then two inside her, curling against her spot over and over again. He watched as her jaw slackened as her back arched and she let out a low keen.

“Stevie…” she panted “I..”  her words trailed into a low gasp which turned into a groan as her back arched, her eyes fluttered shut and she convulsed underneath him, and he felt her tighten around him. Eventually she relaxed and her breathing evened out slightly and she looked up at him, a soft smile on her face before her hand slid up into his hair, bringing his face down so she could kiss him again.

Then it was a fast scramble to get both of them out of the last remaining, thin barriers of clothing before Steve nestled into the v of her legs, mouth nipping at her collar bone.

“Need you…” she purred into his hear and fuck, did he need her too.

“Need a…” he said, pulling back, fully intending to retrieve that little foil packet he always kept in his wallet, not that it ever saw the light of day mind, but she stopped him and shook her head.

“I’m ok, covered…that’s if…” “Yeah, I’m good…” he nodded, settling back over her. Her hand reached down between them, and she gently guided him towards where she wanted and as he looked up at her, a bit too quickly, his forehead collided with hers.

“Ow!” she spluttered out a giggle and he gave a groan. How was it that she’d managed to reduce him right back to that dumbass little kid from Brooklyn.

“Sorry…” he muttered, but she simply laughed again and pressed her lips to his.

“Don’t keep me waiting…” she said softly.

And Steve, never one for refusing to help a lady out, was happy to oblige. He worked into her with a steady, gently movement which made him shudder, dropping to his elbows over her as she gave a soft moan.

“Ok?” “Yeah…I’m good…” she said as he began to move, his thrusts slow and gently at first, hips rocking against hers. His lips met hers again in a sloppy kiss as she raked her hands down his back, nails digging into the skin, the bite of pain was like a hot wire to his groin and he gave a groan, picking up the pace slightly, her body moving with him with each thrust, skin sliding against skin, the soft sounds of sex and groans and whimpers filled the air and half the time Steve couldn’t tell whether it was her or him.

“More…” she begged softly, and he hooked his hand under her knee, wrapping her leg up round his waist allowing him to drive deeper and she gave a loud mewl underneath him as her nails dug into his shoulders as he moved faster, reading the signs she was giving him, his hips snapping back and forth with a needy desire, the carnal want he had for this woman consumed him and he knew he wasn’t going to last much longer.

“Come on baby…” he said, his breath ragged on her ear as he gently sucked at that spot again, feeling her writhing underneath him. “I got you, let go…”

His breath caught slightly as she tipped her head to press her lips to his, the kiss heated and he swallowed the loud groan she made before her head fell back her hands gripping to his back as if her life depended on it.

“Stevie…I’m…gonna…” she managed to stutter before her mouth once more slackened and her sultry lament made Steve shudder as her body spasmed underneath him, her leg twitching as he gripped it tight round his waist. Her tight heat gripped him, tightening again and again and he felt the burning deep in the pit of his stomach, the surge of his own orgasm felt like it was rising from his very toes as he drove into her once more.

“Fuck, Doll…” he mumbled, before a guttural rumble erupted from his throat as his hips stuttered slightly before he made another few shallow thrusts until he collapsed forward, burying his head in her neck as the afterglow consumed him.

He had no idea how long passed before he managed to muster enough about himself to raise his head. She still had her eyes closed but there was a satisfied smile playing on her lips, one he couldn’t help but mirror. As he watched her face, the tip of his nose gently resting against hers, her eyelids flickered open and he smiled down at her, gently pressing their foreheads together.

“Ok?”

“Yeah…” her voice was raspy and she swallowed “That was more than ok…” He chuckled as he met her lips in a soft kiss, before he gently rolled off her, laying on his back and reaching down for the duvet which was tangled around their legs. After a short wrestle with it and a bit more giggling they both settled down, Katie’s head on his chest as he lay on his back, his hand softly carding through her hair…

Steve blinked, the sun creeping into his hotel room through the crack in the blinds was warm on his face as he roused into consciousness. Despite knowing he’d simply been lost in a memory he glanced to the side and found the bed cold and empty…just like she had done the morning after that night.

He rolled onto his back, blinking up at the ceiling. Two more rounds they’d gone after that. Once when she’d risen to get a drink, bringing back half a small bottle of water which he’d gratefully drained before she’d taken the empty off him, tossed it to the floor and then kissed him with all the ferocity of a woman in need, a need he’d been happy to once again satisfy. And then again when he’d nipped to the bathroom and climbed back in besides her, pulling her into him, her face gently pressing to his chest. She’d nuzzled her nose up along his sternum to his neck, then across his jawline where her teeth gently skated at his beard. He’d been rock solid again in seconds and as she’d pushed him onto his back, gently straddling him and lowering himself down he remembered thinking it would never get better than it was right then and there…

Steve gave a groan as his head pushed back onto the pale blue pillows of his hotel bed. He was rock solid now as well, the memories consuming him totally. It had been the best night of his life, and then he’d gone and ruined it all…

It was still dark when he woke, Katie’s soft body pressed into his chest, arms wrapped around her from behind, nose buried into her soft hair. Blinking he recovered his senses, shifting slightly as he felt her move a little. She settled almost immediately and he swallowed thickly.

Oh shit, what had he done?

He’d never thought confessing his feelings would get this far! No, actually, he hadn’t thought at all. He should have just ignored it like he had been doing for 10 fucking years. He was her boss…this was bad, really bad. Whilst there were no rules, per-se about relationships between colleagues, hell half the force was married to one another if you thought about it, but getting involved with someone in your command chain was a big no-no.

The more he lay there, the worse it got. If they carried on seeing one another, someone was going to have to move out of the department, and he knew that realistically would be her as it was easier to move a detective than a captain.

And then when you threw the DC opportunity she’d been offered into the mix…if she went, what then? It would end just like it had with Peggy. She’d find someone else, someone there…

No, this was Katie…she was different. He’d talk to her, yeah, that was it. They’d always been honest with one another, so as soon as she woke up he’d talk to her, explain that he did care about her, did want to be with her but they needed to think about how they worked it and … fuck, who was he kidding? This was a mess, a huge mess.

He had to go, had to get out. This was too much to process.

Gently he untangled himself from around her and ran his hands over his face, before he moved as quietly as he could around the bedroom, gathering his discarded clothes. He dressed quickly and efficiently before, with one last glance over his shoulder at her as she lay in the bed still sound asleep, he left.

Steve felt like crying. He should have stayed, should have talked, told her his concerns. Bucky was right, they probably could have worked things out, even with her going to DC. Katie wasn’t Peggy after all. But no, instead he’d done the one thing he swore he would never do, hurt her. He’d left her before she woke, and then ghosted her for days, been cruel and effectively made her think that he’d only been after one thing.

And now, the damage was done. He’d lost his best friend and he only had himself to blame. With a loud, angry curse he swung his legs off the bed was making his way to the shower when there was a knock on his door. He padded over the carpet, glanced through the spy hole and seeing who it was, turned and hurriedly grabbed the pair of sweats that were tossed over the chair in the corner. Pulling them on he swung the door open and Bucky sauntered into the room behind him, paper bag in his hand.

“Morning.” he said, as Steve turned to face him. The Captain still looked half asleep, even if he was, erm, standing to attention, so to speak.

“Good dream was it?” Bucky said, nodding to Steve’s crotch and the Captain glanced down and gave a low groan. He’d hoped that the sweatpants he had pulled on would hide that particular predicament. Clearly not

“Did you want something?” “Wasn’t sure what time we agreed to leave.” Bucky said, offering Steve the paper back. “And I was on my way past back to my room so thought I’d check in…”

“You know breakfast is included in the room rate.” Steve said, declining the offer with a shake of his head “No need to go fruit foraging.” “I like plums what can I say.” Bucky shrugged.

“And to answer your question we’ll leave in half an hour, so if you don’t mind I need to shower and sort myself out…” “You can say that again…” Bucky sniggered, nodding again towards Steve’s trousers. Steve rolled his eyes and headed towards the bathroom. “Oh, Steve…”

The Captain stopped and turned to face his friend.

“Just so you know, water is not a good lubricant. Now shower gel on the other hand is, as long as it ain’t that mint tingly shit.”

Steve blinked, and shook his head “What the fuck, man? “Hey I’m just stating facts” Bucky said. “I got that stuff on my balls once…not good. Felt like someone had dunked them in chilli powder. Was burning for hours.”

Steve groaned and looked at the ceiling, shaking his head as he turned and walked through the door leading to the bathroom, slamming it behind him.

“Backed up…” Bucky snorted, as he left the room, grinning to himself as he ate his plum.

@the-omni-princess  @momobaby227 @geekofmanythings16 @angelofhell-666 @thewackywriter @marvelfansworld  @cobalt-gear  @asgardlover75 @jennmurawski13  @jtargaryen18 @saiyanprincessswanie  @navispalace @patzammit  @joannaliceevans-fanficblog  @djeniiscorner​  @ayamenimthiriel​  @coldmuffinbanditshoe​  @disneylovingal​ @madzmilllz​  @sgtjaamesbaarnes​ @sweater-daddiesdumbdork​  @southerngracela​ @goldenfightergir​ @kellymat​ @official-and-unstable-satan​

[lovenliterature]

evermore thoughts

willow

I wasn’t sold on this on first listen but I really liked it on second listen with more attention to lyrics

video is also really lovely, big fan of that

really really like the difference in melody for the diff appearances of “life was a willow and it bent right to your wind”

favourite lyric: “I come back stronger than a 90s trend” - the look she does at the camera cemented this as my fave line even more

champagne problems

down as one of my faves from the start

love love love the narrative

proper late night with cider, melancholy vibe

kind of like a grown up/worse feeling august in terms of vibes?? as in like the experience described feels like a more intense heartbreaking august in a way

really like the conclusion too

favourite lyric: I really struggled to pick here but: “you booked the night train for a reason/so you could sit there in this hurt” for sheer visceral emotion, “dom perignon you brought it” for the way its sung, “How evergreen, our group of friends/Don't think we'll say that word again” and “she’ll patch up your tapestry that I shred” for lyricism

gold rush

again, one i wasn’t super sold on the first listen, music and the vibe didn’t really interest me

first notes made me think of epiphany

but then i listened to it watching the lyric video and holy shit

now v appreciative of the melody and bass and the pace of the lyrics

really really like her embracing talking about jealousy

love love love the ending and beginning being the same holy shit

favourite lyrics: “at dinner parties, I call you out on your contrarian shit” and the way she sings “with your hair falling into place like dominoes”

‘tis the damn season

again preferred on second listen, wasn’t on the list of early faves

the best xmas late night walks vibe, walking through frosty streets at home between houses, embracing the only time you get to think, losing yourself in music and nighttime with freezing hands and cloudy breath

would’ve fit my 2019 xmas vibe too

melancholy and nostalgia

favourite lyrics: “sleep in half the day/just for old time’s sake” and “and the heart I know I’m breakin’ is my own”

tolerate it

god girl you deserve better

kinda like a sad last great american dynasty in terms of searching for approval

naive innocence taken advantage of

drunk in my garden walking round to try and forget my life kinda vibe

favourite lyrics: “i know my love should be celebrated/but you tolerate it” and “now I’m begging for footnotes in the story of your life” 

no body no crime

holy shit did i sleep on this at first but oh my god its so good

start gives me show of hands vibes which is great

her husbands acting different and it smells like infidelity - just the way she sings this is so so fucking good

this is the easiest song to listen to and holy shit its just great

favourite lyric: “she said “that ain’t my merlot on his mouth/that ain’t my jewellery on our joint account”

happiness

“all the years I’ve given/is just shit we’re dividin’ up” - v v true, you have to rebuild your life after every relationship and taking it all apart is so much more sudden than building it up

like an alternative to the 1 which I LOVE

but also some parallels to this is me trying: “I hope she’ll be a beautiful fool..... sorry I didn’t mean that” vs “my words shoot to kill when I’m mad”

the whole bridge is iconic - “I can’t make it go away by making you a villain” - in the short term, anger at an ex can help, but eventually you have to move on, and its easier to accept that there was good in the relationship after a while, and it makes looking back on it better

“no one teaches you what to do/when a good man hurts you/and you know you hurt him too” - blame on both sides is much harder to take and grieve and its hard to know how to cope with that. it also makes advice more complicated because there isn’t much you can say to help

favourite lyric: “both of these things can be true” - always love duality and nuance in literature and its nice to hear it acknowledged in a climate of binary oppositions and no shades of grey

dorothea

nostalgia for the future

now prob my most listened, gets stuck in my head and one of the few i do listen to in isolation - like august

Reminds me so much of Ella - each other’s history, not each other’s whole future but in there somewhere

again sapphic vibes, real strong esp because of the ella vibes its the whole in between romantic and platonic affection

“hey dorothea, do you ever stop and think about me” - that’s the way I think of people I love esp ella and people from that era of my life, and anyone where its kinda open ended or just grown apart

favourite lyric: “and damn dorothea, they all wanna be ya”

coney island

instant fave - marked down from first listen and probably still one i actively look forward to 

much like with exile, the male vocals GOT me

“did I shatter you” that line broke my goddamn heart

favourite lyrics: both for the sheer feelings of the vocals and the lyricism “were you standing in the hallway/with a big cake, happy birthday/did I paint your skies the darkest grey” and “and when I got into the accident/the sight that flashed before me was your face”

ivy

the way she sings goddamn could be the whole fucking song its so beautiful

“my pain fits in the palm of your freezing hand/taking mine, but it’s promised to another” - the passive here is great

“he wants what’s only yours”

the trilogy of these lyrics “what would he do if he found us out?”, “he’s gonna burn this house to the ground”, “and drink my husband’s wine”, the recklessness, the drinking his wine like a secret defiance

“my house of stone/your ivy grows/and now i’m covered in you” - fucking hell this is the best imagery - even with the strongest walls and foundations, the love crept through and grew inside her til she was covered in it

favourite lyric: quite literally just the words “oh, goddamn”

cowboy like me

“dancin’ is a dangerous game” - hell yeah I get so many feelings from this, it just reminds me of the intimacy of dancing and the feeling of swaying in someone’s arms

“and the skeletons in both our closets/plotted hard to fuck this up” - both like active interference of exes or just simply trauma, unresolved issues

“forever is the sweetest con” - believing hurts and everything ends but its worth it for the time you have

favourite lyrics: “now you hang from my lips/like the gardens of Babylon”

long story short

first notes make me think of between the saltmarsh and the sea even though its SO different but also a bit like august idk why

“if the shoe fits walk in it/til your high heels break” - i just love the imagery of this line

“fell down the rabbit hole” - living for this line and the wonderland vibe

“but if someone comes at us, this time i’m ready” - the vibe of like not looking for a fight but defending what you love

favourite lyric: “past me/I wanna tell you not to get lost in these petty things” - YES BITCH also the energy I give to past me and future me gives to me now or “long story short I survived”

marjorie

another song I come back to on its own

this is the exact wistful vibe i look for in calm ish songs, can be sad, can be happy depending on a mood and this is perfect

the video is incredible and marjorie providing the backing vocals made me cry also it being in the same place on the record as epiphany was on folklore

“never be so polite/you forget your power/never wield such power/you forget to be polite” - love the use of wield, it also feels like the medium women try to find between being a “bad bitch” and being ladylike, but not a medium society will accept bc fuck that, the exact way THEY wanna do it instead

really the song i needed after the year of so much grief, and i know it’s gonna bring me comfort when grandma goes, especially the line “what died didn’t stay dead”

favourite lyric: “watched as you signed your name: marjorie” - the way this is sung will literally stay with me forever, its like a legacy in one line

closure

again, instant fave

the vibe of you don’t owe someone shit just bc they feel guilty is so good

“yes I got your letter/yes I’m doing better” “I know that it’s over” - I’ve moved on and I don’t need your permission for that or your well wishes thanks

Moving on doesn’t mean forgiveness

I just love the melody so much and its such a good song agh

favourite lyric: “I know I’m just a wrinkle in your new life/staying friends would iron it out so nice”

evermore

“grey november/I’ve been down since July” - most explicit pandemicy vibes i get, I was home and it was almost possible to just regard it as a normalish summer, looking after the dog and living at home and now its coming up to Christmas and I’m living away from home, our family is split across 5 homes in 4 cities and its fucking hard (not even sure if its that type of down but that’s how it made me feel)

“writing letters/addressed to the fire” - literally just picked up on this lyric and has kinda a dual meaning for me. 1 -feeling shit about things you create, putting in effort, just to throw it away. 2 - tactic for tackling anxiety, just getting rid of thoughts and releasing them from my brain

“Cannot think of all the cost/And the things that will be lost/Oh, can we just get a pause?” - again, v pandemicy and so relevant to the fam’s 2018-2019, we just needed a pause, we had to keep going and not process what we’d lost or we’d never carry on

such a good depression song

favourite lyric: “staring out an open window/catching my death”

[raywritesthings]

All’s Fair

My Writing Fandom: Arrow Characters: Laurel Lance, Nyssa al Ghul Pairing: Laurel Lance/Nyssa al Ghul Summary: Laurel helps Nyssa celebrate her first New Year’s and complete her first Resolution. Notes: No “Eleven-Fifty-Nine” and no Crisis *Can be read on my AO3 or FFN, links in my bio*

“What are these ridiculous glasses?”

Laurel turned back around in the aisle, her basket hanging from an arm, to find Nyssa by the New Year’s display. She was holding a pair of floppy, glossy paper frames shaped into the numbers 2020.

“It’s for New Year’s.”

“New Year’s?”

Laurel stopped, then walked over to her friend. “Nyssa, you’re not telling me you don’t know—”

“I realize we are leaving one year behind for another,” Nyssa quickly stated. Laurel bit her lip to hide a smile. The way her friend tended to get embarrassed over not knowing things about everyday life outside of the League was endlessly cute. But Laurel didn’t know what Nyssa might say if she realized Laurel found her cute.

“Okay, well, it’s tradition to sort of celebrate. Ring in the new.”

“With silly glasses?”

Laurel nodded. “And hats and noise-makers and watching a big disco ball drop in the middle of Times Square. I haven’t done any of that in years.” It was strange to think about how many years she had let just pass by for one reason or another.

As she watched Nyssa eyeing the display with curiosity, she made a snap decision. Laurel scooped up two hats, noisemakers and another pair of the glasses, dropping them into her basket.

“Let’s do it, okay? Let’s celebrate New Year’s.”

Nyssa’s lips quirked in a bemused sort of way, and she dropped the glasses she was holding into the basket as well.

She grabbed some more things while they were out at the store, then returned home to work on putting it all together. Nyssa offered to help, but she told her to sit back and relax since this was her first ever New Year’s party. Though it wouldn’t be much of a party since their friends would all be out that night on patrol. Laurel sent Thea a text to let her know she and Nyssa would be taking the night off for themselves.

She was mixing a punch together when Thea’s reply came back. Have fun! Get a New Year’s kiss for me ;)

Laurel licked her lips and tucked the phone away. That was one aspect of the tradition she wasn’t planning to bring up with Nyssa any time soon.

It was just so unfair. Nyssa had been staying with her for a few months now, ever since she, Thea and Roy had returned from destroying the Lazarus Pits around the world. She had Thea’s old room, since Thea and Roy had gotten their own place. And rooming with Nyssa had been nice… yet endlessly frustrating.

Nyssa had certain habits, like lounging about in a towel while she let her hair air dry. Her very long, full head of hair. Her rosemary perfume tended to cling to things like the couch cushions, and she hand-washed and hang-dried everything. Including her underwear. Needless to say, Laurel’s imagination had taken her on many a trip to fantasy-land featuring rosemary and the swell of Nyssa’s breasts barely hidden under deep purple lingerie that Laurel knew for a fact her friend owned.

And it just wasn’t fair because Nyssa was off-limits. Not only was Nyssa her friend, but she was Sara’s ex — which Nyssa had only recently come to terms with after the last time Sara visited and told Laurel all about her new girlfriend, Ava. So, despite what Sara had done regarding Laurel’s boyfriend what felt a lifetime ago, Laurel knew that making any kind of move would be awkward at best and judged harshly at worst.

Never mind the fact she still hadn’t gotten around to telling anyone she might like girls.

It just never felt like the right time. She could hear the voices of her friends in her head even now: Laurel, you really have to stop trying to be your sister. It wasn’t like she’d made a conscious decision to like girls. It was mostly just little stuff, like that Mari was so strong and skilled or that Felicity was kind of adorable a lot of the time or that Nyssa was stunning and sweet and brilliant but refreshingly naive about so many things and she was everything.

God, she really was pathetic about this. But when she fell, she always fell deep.

Laurel ordered some Chinese, which was always a careful affair as Nyssa had very lofty standards where American Chinese cuisine was concerned. But Laurel hadn’t wanted to put her out by asking her to cook when Nyssa was supposed to be enjoying her first New Year’s. They turned the TV on to the channel playing the Times Square party, but kept the volume down in order to be able to hear the delivery man’s arrival.

“An interesting selection of songs so far,” Nyssa remarked. Interesting was her word for something she wasn’t quite sure she liked.

Laurel shrugged. “It’s a mix of new stuff with some classics. And some Christmas, because we didn’t get enough of it the rest of the month, apparently.” She passed her friend a glass of punch, grinning at the sight of the bright and glittery hat perched on Nyssa’s perfect hair.

“Thank you, my dearest.” Nyssa had taken to saying that a lot recently. The first time, it had been said as ‘my dearest friend’, but it had since become shortened for convenience's sake. “Mm, I like this.” Nyssa smacked her lips and licked them, which so didn’t help Laurel from openly staring at them. “How else do people celebrate the end of the year?”

“Well,” Laurel said, pausing to take a breath to collect herself. “A lot of people will make resolutions that they plan to uphold in the New Year. Like losing weight or quitting smoking or doing one random act of kindness a day. Stuff like that.”

“And do they uphold them?”

“Not usually,” Laurel admitted.

“Should we make them anyway?”

“If you want to.”

Nyssa nodded. “I do.”

“Okay, then.” Laurel heard the knock at the door and went to get their food. She returned with takeout containers she set on the coffee table, then went into her kitchen for the paper plates and utensils.

They spent the next several minutes eating silently as the night wore on. Laurel searched her brain for some kind of resolution she could say she was making. She liked where she was with her training and physical fitness right now, so that was out. Her sobriety was still intact. And she figured her vigilantism counted as random acts of good for the people of their city in a way. So that was most of the big categories.

Laurel knew that some people made romance a part of their resolution. But Laurel’s wheels were pretty much stuck in the mud when it came to relationships. She was going nowhere fast.

“Oh, it’s close to midnight,” Laurel realized, setting the remains of her Kung Pao Chicken aside and washing it down with the last of her punch.

“Very good. I have made my resolution,” Nyssa announced.

“Great.” Laurel bent down to fish the noisemakers out of her bag. “Did you want to tell me what it was?”

“Yes, as it rather involves you.”

Laurel lifted her head. “It does?”

“Yes, my dearest.” Nyssa set her own glass aside and slid closer on the couch they were sharing. “My resolution is to stop, as you Americans say it, beating around the bush.”

“Beating around the bush about what?”

“Us, of course. You hardly believe I would parade myself around as a feast for the eyes for just anyone, would you? Or allow you to glimpse my unmentionables? Not even my short-lived husband has ever seen them, and he would not be alive if he had,” Nyssa added with a wicked smirk.

Laurel was too busy gaping at her friend to really process the veiled threat towards Oliver. “I- you were doing all that on purpose? But I didn’t think—”

“Laurel, ever since I met your family, my life was changed. But you, dearest, have changed me. Perhaps more than you will ever know. How could I not hold you in my heart when at last I made room for it?”

Like most of Nyssa’s declarations, this one was nearly overwhelming in its intensity. Oddly enough, Laurel felt herself comforted by the wet sheen she could see in Nyssa’s eyes. Knowing she was just as affected as Laurel stoked something warm in her chest. “I thought I was wrong or taking advantage of you staying here. I didn’t think you could ever see me as someone to be with.”

Nyssa’s actions hadn’t been unintentional at all. She had been trying to let Laurel know that it was okay, that she was interested. That they could have this.

“To be with you as a friend and in this home has already been my greatest privilege. To be with you in every sense is now my greatest desire.”

Laurel couldn’t help a shiver. It had been so long since someone had even looked at her with something like want. To hear it laid so bare like that was doing things to her, reawakening feelings and sensations she’d thought she couldn’t have anymore. 

Nyssa slid even closer, so that their knees brushed and she laid one hand on Laurel’s thigh. The touch seemed to burn through the thin cotton of the pajama bottoms she had on. “I have done some reading on this holiday while you were preparing our celebration. I understand that revelers exchange a kiss at midnight.”

Laurel nodded, not really trusting her voice.

“I would very much like to participate in that tradition.”

This required perhaps more than a nod, so Laurel just barely managed an, “Okay.”

Her friend smiled, a genuine one that was rare and thus all the more beautiful, before she leaned in. Laurel’s hand rose to cup Nyssa’s jaw, then stroke her cheek as their lips met in a tentative exploration.

Nyssa’s lips were softer than she could have expected, and warm against her own. Laurel couldn’t resist capturing the bottom one between her teeth for a moment, earning a surprised but happy hum.

They parted to breathe, foreheads leaned together, and Laurel smiled as a thought came to her. “Nyssa?”

“Yes, dearest?”

Laurel reached down and snagged one of the noise makers, blowing into it for a short, shrill burst.

Nyssa sat back, blinking in shock. “What on Earth—”

“Happy New Year.”

Nyssa let out a breath and shook her head. “Your country is ridiculous.”

Laurel laughed as Nyssa snagged the noisemaker and tossed it aside, then happily resumed their previous activity. The television flashed with fireworks as the crowds in New York City cheered. Laurel closed her eyes to all of that, too happy to surrender her lips and her mouth and her body to Nyssa’s touch. Her friend, her trainer and now so much more.

Maybe life was fair, sometimes.

[dorky-thor]

Tagged by @generationblip thank you! ❤️❤️

Zodiac sign: I’m a cancer meaning that my birthday is coming up which is nice I guess

Height: oh god I’m so short. I’m 4’10 and I will forever be bitter at my dad for not passing on his height to me

Last movie I saw: The Vow. This movie made me so mad but it’s good nonetheless

Last thing I googled: pictures of saltwater fish

Favorite musician: I really like Tommee Profitt. His music just fits the theme I like when listening to songs

Song stuck in my head: Bring On The Monsters from The Lightning Theif Musical. I have no idea why considering that I haven’t listened to the musical lately but I can’t complain

Other blogs: I have 3 others, all of which or linked in my description. @spiderdweeb is just for the spider-man posts I reblog @powerfulasasword is my pjo blog that’s fairly new thanks to the adaptation announcement and @notyournightsky is just where all the random stuff goes

Following: 37 as of now. I really need to follow more blogs

Followers: 211 which baffles me because I mostly just reblog and hardly post anything myself

Do I get asks: only involving ask games as of now

Amount of sleep I get: as of now I would say 9-10 hours but that’s because it’s summer. During the school year I get around 5-6 hours of sleep

Lucky numbers: wouldn’t necessarily say I have one but I guess 27 mostly because that’s my birthdate. It’s weird, it just seems fitting

Dream job: I’m not sure yet. All I know is that I’m thinking of going into a STEM major for college and I’ll probably find a job revolving around some science

Dream trip: I would love to go to Italy and visit Rome. The architecture is just so pretty there and I would love to take pictures of the area! Plus I’m half Italian so I would love to eat some real Italian food

Favorite food: don’t really have a favorite but I enjoy buttered noodles with cheese and seasoning

Instruments: I got a ukulele for Christmas but I have yet to attempt to learn how to play it. I keep telling myself that I’ll learn but I have no musical talent whatsoever

Languages: just English. I probably should have taken a language at school but having to talk for a grade is way past my comfort zone

Favorite songs: I’m so indecisive I can never choose a favorite but for the sake of answering I’ll say For the Glory by All Good Things

Tagging: @valiantlydangeroustriumph and @howfarethestars and anyone who wants to participate