#i know im guilty of not drawing him a lot myself
Explore tagged Tumblr posts
ariespetal · 4 months ago
Text
Tumblr media
made this for myself and the other ryota fans out there
1K notes · View notes
attyrocious · 10 months ago
Text
Tumblr media
cross posting yesterday's rambling thread for posterity and because tumblr lets me edit things. anyway this is a sorta long thing and i might add things i forgot to mention in the twt thread
i tend to draw on-model canon because im a coward + just personal preferences. but the way i convert the canon designs into my artstyle is that i take the distinct features oda gives them and then combine it with personal headcanons to complete what should look like a unique human. Starting with Trafalgar Law, who is unfortunately a bland-ass conventionally pretty boy
Tumblr media
someone commented a while ago the law hat drawing tutorial i made a while ago didn't make much sense and i realize its bc of the specific way i draw law's face: heart shaped (ba-dum-tss). That meaning, a narrow chin widening into a mild defined jaw, wide cheekbones, and up to his know-it-all brain dome.
given that, the pudgy guitar pick shape of his head i mentioned here should make a lot more sense.
Tumblr media
i don't think this design point is unique to me, as most conventional pretty anime boy gets given jaws like this. a lot of law artists tend to veer into this head shape. just how life be sometimes. other points: flat, thick eyebrows is bc im a hairy gal and i need to feel better about myself.
Tumblr media
Killer gets to be more interesting, because he shouldn't be considered conventionally attractive. my idea behind killer's is that those individual features is smth he would be insecure with enough to hide himself in a helmet but i draw him with all the love in the world actually. i'd like to think its how kid sees him or yknow, law, bc he's my kin assigned blorbo and maybe you ship lawkill as a guilty pleasure too i mentioned before (and ruined people's days) when i said whenever i draw killer he looks like griffith before i put on his goatee. the upper half of his face is distinctly feminine, with the lower half kinda over compensating. other than that uhh...idk. stan killer
Tumblr media
Kidd is the bane of my existence, i feel like i can never draw his face consistently. yet at the same time he's so damn fun to draw everyone gotta try it.
my problem with kidd is that this mf does have eyelids. most kidd painters out there interpret this as him having deep set eyes (think Matt Smith or jeffrey star) . and yeh skill issue on me i should practice that. other notes, i try to make him younger than canon makes him look. he is my babygirl and he deserves to look cuddly. my band au kidd version has the honor of being allowed some chubs. he's just tries to look older and more menacing with edgy makeup. also i try to give him dimples when i can because, well i can.
Tumblr media
Rosinante last bc i lost steam after kidd. the thing abt cora is that aside from not having eyebrows, everything is structured with the generic one piece man template. which means i gotta do everything myself doffy is there bc the way to figure out how to draw these two is to give them minor differences from each other, that being doffy gets slightly sharper features. in canon, these two are also rly wide boys (more of an oda style feat tbh) but i make them long. though bigger brained donquixote artists know that of these two brothers, doffy should be the wiry-er built. anyway that's it. in conclusion, i need to draw more girls actually i feel like im becoming misogynistic by osmosis from oda's style and now i draw girls all looking the same too.
359 notes · View notes
signanothername · 6 months ago
Note
obsessed with how u do killer btw. like im SO unwell about him you get it ok
Thank you thank you, Ive been obsessed with this beautiful boi since 2019 and the amazing wonderful no self preservation idiot just has a special little place in my heart, I really love his canon character, and especially in a fandom that prefers fanon, I kinda take it upon myself to keep him as canon as i can (not to say i hate fanon interpretations, I’m guilty of drawing fanon Kills myself) and i really love how silly Killer can be, but his silly side is just one side of him and i just wish to see a lot more than just his silly side sometimes hdhdhdhd
Let my traumatized multilayered killer boi be a traumatized multilayered killer boi <333
And since you’re a Killer enthusiast just like i am here are four sketches that i haven’t really finished and literally don’t know if i’ll ever do so why not share them already
Here you have my lil headcanon that Killer hates looking at mirrors cause he hates to see who’d he become
Tumblr media
Here you have the canon fact that Killer avoids food that reminds him of his past, and what’s worse than being served the very food that his brother (that he killed himself) was obsessed with
Tumblr media
And these are just two sketches of him being a super silly girl™
Tumblr media Tumblr media
Lil headcanon that Nightmare bans Killer from guns and especially machine guns cause then all hell breaks loose
72 notes · View notes
sadstrever · 2 months ago
Text
cw: 116lbs
gw: 106lbs
hw: 150lbs
hi. so my last account got banned so i realize now i should be a little more careful of what i say cuz i guess i concerned some of you. or this will just be my last post because i need to vent.
wanna hear how i started my day? i chew and spit my food into plastic bottles(i know i’m disgusting no one should ever do this) and i was opening it and it exploded fucking everywhere and the smell was putrid and it was all over me and my bedroom. and i was hungover. and it was 7am. and i threw up immediately after. anyways, i haven’t e@ten in weeks. lol. almost a month, which isn’t the longest i’ve gone so don’t worry this is not that bad lol. ALSO NO I WILL NOT BE GIVING TIPS. ever since my brother moved away it’s been pretty easy to st@rve. the hard part now is knowing where to draw the line. my best friend has broken down a lot recently because of me. i’m an awful person lol. i let them get too close and now they know too much about the disgusting things i do. i needed space because seeing him just makes me feel guilty for putting him through this with me. i tried to end the friendship 2 nights ago over a bottle of v0dka. it did not work out very well. i said some really hurtful things to him that i didn’t mean in an effort to push him away. once the alc wore off i made him a cake to apologize which now that i say it out loud, it does not feel like much of an apology at all. he somehow easily forgave me which makes me feel even shittier. he said it was because he knows im sick. i don’t know what i’m doing. the derealization has gotten worse. i tried going half sober which didn’t help. i’ve developed a laxative problem too which also doesn’t help. it’s not as bad as others though, i was just taking 3 a day for a minute(a few months)but that’s so fucking bad for you and it really made my stomach problems worse. i took 3 today for the first time after not taking them for weeks and there was really no reason. just a desperate attempt to make myself feel better. when that didn’t help, i tried to smoke but i got too high because i only smoke every other day now which lowered my tolerance. when THAT didn’t work i went to the gym and burned 460 calories and then THAT didnt work so i walked around and burned 240 more. none of it made me feel less empty. i’m so sick of it. why is it all so fucked. nothing feels right. i want to try and recover but i don’t remember the person i was before all of this. my brain just fucking can’t figure it out. i don’t feel like a real person man. i want to recover and not because i’m giving up. starving is the easiest part of my life. it’s all that seems to make me feel a little better. eating always makes me so depressed and in a worse way. it makes me aware of reality in a way that fucking kills me. i need to do it if i want to feel human, if i want to be a good friend, daughter, sister. i’m gonna wait until i’m underweight which is once i’m 109lbs. 7lbs away lol. it’ll probably take a week or two so i guess i’ll update on how i’m trying to recover. fuck i really don’t want to man. pls give me tips because i can’t die and just be a sad fucking story to everyone i love. or just fucking report me like u guys did last time, not having any safe place with people who relate will totally help too!!!
28 notes · View notes
egtotaldramatakes · 13 days ago
Note
Long ass text about Geoff’s character, and what I wish could have been done . Also, skip to the bottom, which is the pink text if you don’t feel like reading the yap I gave
I wish geoff could have a bigger role throughout seasons 2-3 then 8 , the writers couldve done something more with him i guess
I know its just a cartoon/kids show, therefore not needing so much lore any kid can’t understand
. . but i like to imagine that TDA geoff didn’t actually revert back to being a wild party guy - rather continued his behaviour onto later seasons and sort of went crazy to the point he realises hes not himself anymore too
Geoffs the kinda guy to enjoy fame . Im projecting myself onto him now and its possible for him to become so obsessed with his attention and pride to the point he entirely changes
I’m an artist, I guess so. I’m not saying i’m famous, but for a while i feel like i did feel famous - and during my lovely era, i guess i did change how i acted towards others. i was getting more into drawing, less of playing and hanging out for the sake of seeing more likes and views
Crazy how fame changes you, its common . anyway, my point is, if the writers did correctly use the time he had for aftermath - they couldve made aftermath a little more interesting by making him tweak out more often and a much more relatable person for anyone whos been affected by. fame changing issues and stuff (Perhaps addiction too. I kind of see geoff having an addiction to pleasing others and fame)
I hope you get what i mean . Just, imagine TDA Geoff that’s a little more crazy and terrible but you can understand why he does it. He just wants fame. That’s what the little guy just wants, just the world to look at him, thats part of his talents which is to become popular and known, and he wants to make the best of it
Anyway back onto why i wish he didn’t revert to a wild party guy..
He could keep his party traits but just .. Damn!! write him a little more mature ! ! He’s at 19, he should be somewhat smarter.. But right now, his RR self to me is just a dumb guy. I like dumb guys, but RR geoff is a LOT dumber than TDI geoff. To me, he should be a little more grown up i suppose . He’s awesome, chill and still my favourite, but he feels like he’s another one of those characters that turned 1-dimensional..,,
What if RR geoff was more mature, and slightly anxious about how people viewed him? Like what i mentioned, i stopped hanging out often to focus on my art and to grow views on my account.
That didn’t end well, some of my friends ghosted me in return. Some of my friends felt like i treated them like shit because of the dry replies i gave. Yes, I’m sadly admitting that while I didn’t hang out as much, I also gave shitty messages and texts just to easily brush them off and to go back to my drawings
So, considering that, geoff must have also had friends that started seeing him a lot more different . and began to sort of dislike him - i think bridgette, at some point didn’t recognise who he was as well. i know a lot of people notice this too . It’s a common effect of being driven by fame and changing yourself
And, i feel like in the process of growing up from when he was 17 and to 19, he must have thought at some point, had he not been obsessed with fame - people wouldnt dislike him.
geoff obviously doesn’t want anyone to dislike him, he wants to be chill with everyone . possibly, zero tension. But, then, he knows that he can’t undo things, therefore that impression of himself by his friends that used to like him will always remain
Following up on that, it greatly affects him in the future with how people think of him .. he becomes extremely guilty of his actions, and naturally stressed with first-time impressions than he was with people before. He supposedly should feel more laid-back when talking to others for the first time, but now he feels that he should tone down on his excitement and appears a little more awkward .
This seems like a lame boring text, but in summary,
I wish the time Geoff was knocked with some sense impacted the audience more. Dragging out the climax of him changing differently due to fame and then shattering him completely by making him realise himself that he’s began to lose complete control over himself .
Not by an electric chair, literally, just himself alone after possibly losing everything and then finally . . realising he was the one that was being shitty to others. Then, when he grows up, the incident he had brought upon himself actually affects him and he no longer ends up being all that fun and out going, maybe more mature and careful about others around him.
His guilt haunts him in RR, and I wish the writers wrote things that made him remember how he acted in TDA, and that just deeply hurts him during the races which also in a way, distracts him from competing properly . His bud Brody has a better role, to try and help Geoff realise he’s changed for the better
Last thing. I doubt anyone would read into Geoff’s character, most of the people I see in this fandom barely cares about him.. But for those who atleast want to look into him more..!!!
.
14 notes · View notes
pmpwbrrs · 6 months ago
Note
I'm pretty much in love with your off string au could you ramble more abt it .,. I'd be extremely happy to read it
Im glad you like it and thank you for reminding me that I wrote this, and giving a reason to ramble <3!! Sadly i don't have anything to really add? But I'll say what i kept to myself i guess!
I keep remembering about one of the things ghostlycoze said.
Tumblr media
I actually REALLY like this idea. I don't think ALL iterators are gonna have this problem, because not all iterators, i like to think, associate themselves with their puppet? And they are all different. But i love thinking about how some of them look up at the sky, and see endless heavy clouds produced by their still giant, powerful colleagues(family? friends?), while they are here, small, and so vulnerable. I like to think that that the longer they stare at the bottomless, grey sky, the more they can't tear the eyes away. How they feel their new heart beating faster now, and it makes them nauseated and more stuck in this moment – because this heart is beating like a mouse's. So fast, they can feel it, they can hear it, in their neck, in their chest. And it's foreign. The sky is foreign. The choking dampness of the air is foreign, the wet cold soil is foreign. THEY are foreign. Can they be even considered an iterator? How? They are not even the same person, how can they still call themselves an iterator?
What have they done to themselves?
I don't think some iterators even manage to handle this. I think some of them, with no way of returning to a previous live, take an easy way out. Or at least risk it – after all, they don't know what the Cycle thinks of not only iterators, but of an abomination like them.
For some of them this is not freedom. For some of them, freedom is impossible to obtain, even when they have risked it all and threw away everything that made them who they were.
Or maybe, for some of them, at some point – standing in the cold, wet soil, becomes a sort of relieve. Perhaps, for some of them, the damp air and the now rumbling, endless sky, become more welcome. Maybe it's better for them, than what they were before. Maybe they'll get used to this, even if it's so hard it makes their head heavy, and their breath quickened, and even when they are not what they were, and never will be. Maybe as they breath in, they'll be reminded that they are no longer stuck because they've been given no other choice, but they are stuck on their own accord. Maybe that makes them ecstatic. Or, yet again, scared, or regretful. Or guilty. It depends on an individual. But overall, it's hard for all of them. And not all of them can or wants to deal with this.
–––
I also remember I was thinking about «what if Pebbles is saved only in Saint's era?». But the more I thought about it, the more sad and existential I became, and I never got around to drawing anything, because the idea of slowly losing yourself and all your memories terrifies me.
I think, if Pebbles is saved in Saint's time, there is no way to bring him the way as he once was. It's just NO WAY, i can't believe it. His whole body had fucking giant TEARS in it, there wasn't a single place left of him, his neurons are now squashed by 574020 kms of rot, 30942 kms of metal and dead organic and his flesh, and 2933892 kms of snow, he's a home for fauna and flora now. He will never come back. MAYBE some neurons will help?? But i don't think they will, or that they should help as much as they helped Moon.
Pebbles cannot recover fully. Of course, care and patience and not being in his corpse will help, slowly, but still not a whole lot.
I wonder how Moon would feel about him. How everyone would feel. And mainly, how Pebbles would feel.
I already somewhat explored the idea of Pebbles losing his memories. It was an animatic about his life flashing before his eyes, but wrong and twisted, and he can't remember the names of the people he cared about, but he feels guilt and shame, and in the end he gets ascended (right now animatic is abandoned).
But... If he's off string....
Imagine how painful it is to look in the eyes of a person and know that you did something horrible to them, but you can't remember what it was, and you can barely even remember who this person is. All you know is that you love them, and that you have hurt them. How would their forgiveness feel? Would Pebbles feel weird relief? Confusion? Grief? Will it even help?
Will he feel anger and an inexplicable sting of pain when they look at him with pity? How would he feel if he saw people's hope when they think he might remember something, but he just can't?
I already said that "iterator off string is not even the same person", but in the case of Five Pebbles in Saint's time, I think it applies to him even more. He's not the same person even before he gets out.
How would he feel being so small and fragile, but being aware of it, now? How aware is he, really? Has he even agreed to go off string? Could he agree? How would HE feel about the stuff I said earlier? The sky, the snow under his feet, the freezing, biting wind?
I don't like making things all dark and gloomy and no hope FOREVER only SUFFERING though. I think there are ways to help Pebbles and to heal. For all of them, really. Sure, as I said, I like to think there's not much you can do to help FP, but there are ways. And in the end, even though he doesn't have his memories, and he's scared and confused, and he's weak and small, and he's in pain, and he feels cold – he's with people he loves, and who love him. I think it's beautiful. And I think it's an improvement on rotting away in the snow and listening to the same tune until the end of time. And now he gets warm much more often.
–––
That's pretty much it? I didn't think about off string that much. I GUESS there are also some fanfiction i wrote, but ehh + I'm shy about my writing + it's russian and needs translation + it doesn't focus the on a dread of being off-string and all that, so I'm not gonna show that.
A lot of people left really interesting thoughts in tags on this post with nsh though, so I recommend you to check them out, they are lovely <3
20 notes · View notes
sittinginthewoodsrn · 14 days ago
Text
OBLIGATORY INTRODUCTION POST!
~°~°~°~°~°~°~°~°~°~°~°~°~°~°~°~°~°~°~°~°~
Very important:
🌱 I'm Eben! Im pre-T (hopefully starting soon), and pre top surgery.
🌱 Minors DNI and don't follow! I'm a whole grown ass man, and I will reblog or even post some nsft stuff.
🌱 Please use he/him pronouns! I'm not into being misgendered :( You can refer to me as the following for sure: bro, dude, mate, bloke, man, guy, good boy, puppy, pup, cute, handsome, pretty.
(Also, I'm a real life DILF so please don't call me daddy, it will definitely be weird).
🌱 I'm really awkward/shy irl, but I wanna make friends so let's be mutuals! You'll probably have to reach out first though, since im so shy :(
🌱 My asks/dms are open, but please don't be too weird (weird ≠ horny) and please be nice!
🌱 I get online crushes really fast, so don't be alarmed if I immediately become "obsessed" with you - it's not real obsession, im not literally in love or anything, im just a bit pathetic and prone to infatuation :')
🌱 check the "sittinginthewoodsrn posts" tag for posts by me, and the "sittinginthewoodsrn asks" for ask responses! you can find the tags under this very post ↓
🌱 I apologise for not having a very aesthetic tumblr, i post from my phone!
~°~°~°~°~°~°~°~°~°~°~°~°~°~°~°~°~°~°~°~°~
TAKEN ANON EMOJIS: 💿, 🌱
~°~°~°~°~°~°~°~°~°~°~°~°~°~°~°~°~°~°~°~°~
l will block anyone I feel necessary. This is my space, I will not feel guilty for keeping it clean.
~°~°~°~°~°~°~°~°~°~°~°~°~°~°~°~°~°~°~°~°~
OTHER INFO INCLUDING INTERESTS AND 18+ STUFF:
🌱 I'm big into:
- art (I do all sorts of art, primarily fictional cartography, and furry art. If we're friends I might draw your fursona for fun!)
- music (I'll listen to pretty much anything but if anyone asks, I'm a metalhead of some kind. I also really enjoy singing)
- paganism and witchcraft. im a polytheistic pagan. I read tarot for personal reasons usually (and never for money), and I obsessively collect trinkets, rocks, feathers, bones, shells, and vintage books.
- artsy horror, some classic horror. Films, books, art, whatever.
- writing. (I write romance, fantasy and poetry predominantly).
🌱 I'm also a gamer, these are my favourite video games:
- The Sims 4
- Animal Crossing New Horizons
- Stardew Valley
- Skyrim
- Dragon Age II
- Dragon Age Inquisition
- Fire Emblem Three Houses.
Feel free to talk to me about any of these games, or just any other cozy and simulation games!
~°~°~°~°~°~°~°~°~°~°~°~°~°~°~°~°~°~°~°~°~
18+ stuff:
🌱 switch/verse. mostly sub, but also an affectionate/caring/needy dom. I'm placiosexual (meaning im more than happy to please a partner, but less keen on being pleased myself).
🌱 I have only a few kinks, mostly around praise and affection. I know that's a fairly wholesome kind of kink - but i just really crave words of affirmation and being useful.
🌱 My expressive love languages are physical touch and acts of service, and my receptive love languages are words of affection, and quality time.
🌱 Also I'm new to puppy play and just starting to explore it! (If you're going to interact with me in this way please no degradation, intoxicated cnc beyond just weed, violence, any of that basically, im too soft)
🌱 I'm just here to have fun and be part of a community. I'm single, but not really looking for an IRL handler or boyfriend. But feel free to flirt/be horny in my dms or asks, that's what I'm here for!
><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><
VERY IMPORTANT: im a DV survivor and i can't handle a lot of the heavier aspects of puppy play and kink. I'm mostly interested in praise and affection stuff for a reason, and this here is the reason.
- please, no heavy/abusive themed humiliation or degradation aimed at me either.
⛔DNI⛔
Again, minors be gone!! I really don't mess with age players, detrans kink blogs, TERFs, MAPs, zoos, general bigots.
~°~°~°~°~°~°~°~°~°~°~°~°~°~°~°~°~°~°~°~°~
Thanks for reading, and welcome to my tumblr! 💚
If you're still reading this, you might as well follow me c:
7 notes · View notes
cloudstongue · 5 months ago
Text
here are some EVIL DOODLES MUAHHA complete with EVIL CAPTIONS!!! with the rise of evil blogs…uhm. also the evil doodles are all globe minus like 3 aces and 1 rapier whoops sorry. oh yeah and mostly of them are REALLY OLD. okay so tagging @zeeposting @ryuatewater @desklamper @t0azty @millylostintheosc
first of all i isolated myself because im a loser (closeups below ig)
Tumblr media
WOW!!!! LOOK AT ALL THESE GLOBES!!!!!
Tumblr media
closeup 1
Tumblr media
do you feel, like we do? /lyr /ref
Tumblr media
oh yeah your face, its outta pl—
Tumblr media Tumblr media
some embarrassed and mildly guilty globes
Tumblr media
from when i came back after making that warning post 😍😍😍 exaggeration is a lie apparently???? i exaggerate a lot so uhm i guess im a liar
Tumblr media
idk i just wanted to draw her in a skirt. also shes short and has void eyes
Tumblr media
all of the prior drawings are old but i feel like clarifying this one is from,, the talk. he has to put up with grenades bullshit IM STILL THE FAN FAVORITES FAVORITE FAN THOUGH GUYS I THINK…
Tumblr media
ewww a human we came here for objects what!!!!! yeah i hate how i draw humans too i just. yeah. anyway this isnt my persona or anything, or atleasy i dont consider him to be, hes just some guy i draw. really only doodle him when im somewhat bored and i make him feel whatever im feeling. still wouldnt call him a persona though. you know whats more rare than showing this guy? giving him a shirt that isnt plain. i decided weezer because UHM,,,…why not
Tumblr media
evil globe! i actually like how this one turned out tbh. oh yeah funfact i was gonna draw a human with a circle head (rare) and it was most probably actually going to be humanized briefcase but i was like “um on second thought no hell no qhag was i thinking that would look so bad”
Tumblr media Tumblr media
i was in an acey mood
Tumblr media
inhale GAAAAAYYYY. anyway ifnore how bad this is i suck at drawing them sorry,,, :(
Tumblr media Tumblr media Tumblr media
oh and hell yeah guy globe. he is a twink
12 notes · View notes
autisticempathydaemon · 3 months ago
Note
sorry if this is a lil long ( ̄□ ̄;)!!
What song are you fixated on at the moment? What lyric or verse, and why?
there are a few albums (igor, damn., songs) ive been listening to on loop for a few weeks now, but if i were to narrow it down to one song it would be “forwards beckon rebound” by adrianne lenker ^_^. i liked it when i first listened to the album in full but then found out my boyfriend liked it, so i LOVE it now. 
What is your Enneagram type?
INFP-T, 4w3
Do you love gargantuan Youtube video essays, and if so, which is your favorite and why?
i LOVE them!! i really enjoy jacob geller’s video essays, specifically his video “how can we bear to throw anything away?”. i think its SUPER cool and very poetically justifies my hoarding. though for GARGANTUAN, i like flawed peacock’s 7 hour and 42 minute video on “who’s lila”, which i still havent finished.
Tell me about your childhood imaginary friend.
when i was around 9 i used to be called “daffodil” when teased so i turned daffodil into my alter ego and spoke to her with pure hatred
What is your go-to way to fall asleep?
most of the time i scroll and scroll and scroll until im about to pass out from exhaustion, but when im NOT doing that, either put on music or a sleep aid audio n stare at my ceiling til i fall asleep.
If you had to change your name, what would it be, and why? (In tandem, if you have changed your name, why did you pick that one?)
im trans and have been out to my friends for around 3-4 years now, and i changed my name to my current one due to dissatisfaction with my previous name choice and my fixation on the character i named myself after.
What is your favorite of Redacted’s audios, and why?
ashers 2021 hbs. its so sweet and silly and full of love <3 i love asher and i love fluff :3
What Redacted boy holds no appeal to you, and why? Like, not the one you hate but the one who you don’t get the hype for. (I won’t judge, I promise.)
guy. hes alright but i just dont see the appeal character-wise. hes kind of just erik’s self-insert or low-effort character which is great for him but not that interesting for me.
Tell me about that one book/movie/tv show you know all the words to.
book + movie: the perks of being a wallflower, and tv show: brooklyn 99. i was DEEPLY into tpobaw a few months ago and finished the book (with annotations) in 4 days. charlie kelmeckis is me!! as for b99, its my comfort show and i’ve rewatched it at least 6 times in full.
Which Redacted boy are you platonically attracted to? Like- forget dating, which dude do you want to be your best friend?
caelum :3 i need to hug him asap!! need to bake with him!!
Do you have a go-to thing you ramble about when you’re tired, and if so, what is it? (For example, my boyfriend knows I’m ready to sleep when I start talking about space.)
no specific topic, but ill start talking about how much i love something or someone. tired me is very loving. according to my best friend i talk a lot about my boyfriend when im sleepy.
Tell me your go-to gas station and drink combo.
diet coke and ice cream ^_^ 
Tell me about your favorite playlist at the moment. 
there are a few, but my top three are a playlist containing every alex g song i like, a playlist full of love songs of all different genres and artists, and a playlist i made in 2022 when i was into more obscure rock ^_^. but mostly i listen to adrianne lenker or kendrick lamar on shuffle.
What’s your guilty pleasure media, and why?
video essays talking about drake vs kendrick. i swear ive watched over a hundred videos related to that drama, mostly cause i love kendrick so much and have been a drake hater since 2015. 
And whatever else you think tells me about who you are!
im a big lover of the arts!! both visual (i draw both traditionally and digitally, and have tried painting) and musical (big music fan + very amateur singer and guitarist). i really like movies, but i like movie analysis youtube videos more! in that same vein, i love horror media but am too scared most of the time to actually consume it, so i watch a lot of horror explanation or analysis videos.
im an extremely awkward person to talk to, like severely. also i like minecraft a lot, avid hermitcraft watcher.
Tumblr media
Type Fours are so lovely, so internally complex and magnificent and creative despite and perhaps in conjunction with their introversion. I think a fellow introvert would especially appreciate that about you- Anton, specifically.
Another reason I like y’all together is this enneagram type (and MBTI) tends to be very feelings based, very pathos motivated, and that would contrast from Anton whose life and job are so technical, so logos-y. You bring so much light and verve into his life; whenever he sees art, he thinks of you and how it would make you feel. You make him think more about how he feels, you know? The art you create and the way you experience art, the way you enjoy things, makes him marvel.
And you do love to enjoy things with him, to show new things and movies and shows, because his marvel in turn makes things even more fun for you! Anton strikes me as the type of guy who knows nothing about pop culture if left alone, so you get to show him everything. He likes Brooklyn Nine Nine a lot more than he thought. (Terry is his favorite; he also likes yogurt and wants to be a girl dad.) He doesn’t give a single shit about the Kendrick/Drake beef but you’re so animated when you talk about it, he listens raptly. He doesn’t really enjoy horror, but it doesn’t scare him either so he’s a comforting presence whenever you decide to try watching some.
Song:
A volcano erupted/ And the stars fell one by one/ And finally I'm done right/ And it's a kite trapped in my mind/ But I don't mind/ I think of your hands on my body/ And they feel nice/ Just one more night
(Thank you again, Spotify Artist Radios, because I don’t listen to a lot of folk! This is a new song for me!) I chose this one for you and Anton because of the phrase “velvet kind of mood”, because it makes me think of how Anton’s love would tactile-y feel- warm, plush, heavy like a weighted blanket and just as comforting. The lyric “just one more night” also made me think of Anton holding onto you the night before he leaves, so I could not resist.
Runner-ups:
Geordi is the first runner-up that came to mind because he strikes me as the most… artistically inept of the redacted bois if you will- thus, he would feel the most awe and reverence and your prowess. Plus, I like to headcanon him as trans, and we love a t4t couple. Asher is my favorite runner up for you though, but I can’t quite word why. I think it’s something about his extrovert energy against yours.
Read this post and send me an ask if you’d like a match-up of your own! 💌
11 notes · View notes
stellas-starry-sillies13 · 5 months ago
Note
okay hi stella!! this is for the matchup reqs
so for gender boy pls <3
probably blue lock for the fandom (pjsk will probably get a lot of attention and i'm highly obsessed with bllk rn if you couldn't tell lmao)
for my personality i can be rlly shy and awkward when you first meet me, but once you get close to me i'll start acting how i usually do, being friendly and silly (insane and bouncing off the walls) i am definitely an introvert but i can be extroverted to people i'm close with. i'm super insecure sometimes and i get stressed, anxious, and overwhelmed easily
good personality traits are: kind, caring, selfless, good listener, funny
bad personality traits are: too selfless (i stop caring about what i want and only listen to what other people want), annoying (sometimes), when i'm tired i get very lazy
my love language is 100% physical touch, and i like to receive words of affirmation and physical touch
i'm very sensitive to being excluded, disappointing or letting people down, and i feel guilty when people worry about me
hobbies are drawing, reading, playing violin, playing games and watching tv (anime)
some talents i have are writing, playing my violin, and i'm a pretty fast runner! ^^
i'm a-okay with any age range as long as they're a minor! (bc i'm a minor)
so i'm assuming the only characters from bllk i can be matched up with are the ones you could write for from your previous blog (which off the top of my head was isagi, bachira, chigiri, nagi, reo, and rin???) so out of those 6 i wouldn't want to be matched up with isagi or nagi
what i don't want in a partner would be them telling me off or getting mad at me over small things, or just being an ass in general
what i would want in a partner would be them being really kind and willing to help me with whatever i need, and also someone that loves me for me ^^; and will help me feel better about myself
OKAYYYY that's all ty Stella!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Tumblr media
` . < Bluelock Matchup No.1~! > . '
A/N: HIIII WA ER BO LE.girl. in case you didnt know, someone who is introverted around strangers/acquiantances but extroverted around friends is called an ambivert LOL. Like me :p also im sensitive to being excluded too you have no idea. We kin each other. I kin all my moots. Anyway hop you like this ! !!!!! Thank you for requesting :3
For the grand reveal, I match you up with....
Tumblr media
` . < Bachira Meguru~! > . '
A/N: he is literally PERFECT for you.physical affectin? ✔ words of affirmation? ✔ loves yuforo you? ✔ Helps you wuth every single thing to exist? ✔ like wow. Anyway hope you like this
Tumblr media
Loves how energetic you are
You guys can bounce off the walls together
You guys are actually probably high on sugar
He loves that youre selfless but he definitely stops you if you go too far
Imagine someones trying to take advantage of your kindess and hes just. Staring. at them. With that huge smile. And those scribble eyes.
Yeah he'll just scare them off
His giving love language probably physical touch so like. No worries. Hes a cuddlebug. He'd also definitely be very affirming with words. He compliments your everything.
You guys probably have races all the time just because you say youre fast. He probably introduces you to chigiri
Also he will always include if youre in a group.
Though lets be honest, you dont need anyone but him anyway
Tumblr media
10 notes · View notes
livingfictional · 5 months ago
Note
Hello! Can I have a rdr2 matchup, please? Im sorry if the info will be too much!
I'm 18 soon to be 19 (29/07) I do like (legal) age gaps tho! :)
Female, she/her, ExFJ 2w3, Leo Full typology: ExFJ 2w3 269 sp/so SLUAI FELV
I prefer villians and overall evil characters however I have a soft spot for kind, sweet big men :3 I prefer men in fiction
Personality:
I am pretty social, however I prefer to spend time alone! I care about others a lot… To an unhealthy amount honestly but I'm working on it! I love to help others and make them smile, but I do wish I would get something for being so nice in return, yeah it might sound greedy but I want to be appreciated! And get something nice haha, like just a compliment or something, when my helping and kindness gets unnoticed I might get upset because of how tired I am and I just want to be appreciated like I said before 😭 I wanted to be noticed and not ignored! I care too much about what others feel and think and it's tiring, I just want to be selfish sometimes and care about myself even if it sounds mean. I also love being mentioned/involved in things, it makes me feel liked <3
People call me funny! Well it all depends because everyone has a different sense of humor! But I am most of the time unserious and I love to joke around, serious situations are stressful so I prefer to be joyful, but I do like talking about serious topics (sometimes) Like I said before I love to make people smile and laugh with my jokes and overall with make them happy with presence. It's my job to make others happy <3
My humor is definitely not for everyone, it's mostly the humor of a 12 y/o kid which can be annoying to some people lmao (sometimes it's funny how people are annoyed by it) and some other things depending on how I feel. When it comes to annoyance I also like to annoy people <3 it's so fun! But I never want to make them really feel bad! Often I act like an asshole but this is just for jokes! (but sometimes I wanna be a real asshole lmao) Like I said I don't want them to actually feel bad, if I do, I will feel very guilty! When it comes to it I apologize A LOT, I apologize so much that it might too annoying but I always feel a sense of guilt inside of me. I'm also VERY sensitive and worry about everything. Ah and I'm pretty dumb and I am not trying to insult myself I am just silly hehe and I'm okay with that. Oh and Im clumsy 😭😭
People know that I am horny 24/7, like I said earlier I have a humor of a 12 y/o so there are a lot of sex jokes. I am very interested in nsfw things, kinks etc, I am the "horny" friend
Likes/Dislikes:
I LOVE LOVE horror and scary things, I can't imagine my life without it, its just a such interesting genre that makes me happy and intrigued! I adore horror games and I'm mostly interested in them, however most of the time I am scared of playing them so I just watch gameplays and stuff like that haha. You can say I am obssesed with horror! (its funny because its easy to scare me haha)
I love to eat food <3 especially sweet things
I also love cute things! Plushies, pink, clothes and other cute things! I just love it so much <3
I like games very much (I suck at them), art, anime, drawing and psychology! When it comes to music I love energetic ones!
I dislike slow music but there can be some exceptions.
I dislike cooking (I love when someone knows to cook however I suck at it
Appearance:
Around 156 cm height
Chubby
brown eyes
chin length hair with bangs
round glasses
Thank you and I hope you will have a wonderful day/night!
I hoe you enjoy, you sound like a lovely person 🎀
Tumblr media
I match you up with… Sean!
Tumblr media
Throws sex jokes right back at you, a horny bastard.
He’s the show off type, so he will make a big deal of how much he loves you, how amazing you are, how cute you are.
So you’ll never have an issue with feeling unappreciated around him.
Has to have his hands on you 24/7, even in public. He’s not the shy type, PDA al the way. Unless you’re not a fan, of course.
In private he will hold on to you, calloused hands rubbing over your soft skin.
He’s more of an oblivious type, loud and a bit dumb. But he always tries his best, making sure you feel loved.
3 notes · View notes
firstdivisiongirl · 6 months ago
Note
Hello, Can I have a matchup please? From One piece! If not, that's totally fine!
Female, she/her, ExFJ 2w3, Leo I would prefer a guy!
I am pretty social however I prefer to spend time alone! I care about others a lot… To an unhealthy amount honestly but Im working on it! I love to help others and make them smile! :3 But I do wish I would get something for being so nice in return, yeah it might sounds greedy but I want to be appreciated! And get something nice haha, like just a compliement or something, when my helping and kindess gets unnoticed I might get upset because of how much tired I am and I just want to be a appreciated like I said before 😭 I wanted to be noticed and not ignored! I care too much what others feel and think and its tiring, I just want to be selfish sometimes and care about myself even if its sounds mean.
People call me funny! Well it all depends because everyone has different sense of humor! But I am most of the time unserious and I love to joke around, serious situations are stressful so I prefer to be joyfull, but I do like talking about serious topics (sometimes) Like I said before I love to make people smile and laugh with my jokes and overall with make them happy with presence. Its my job to make others happy <3 My humor is definitely not for everyone, its mostly humor of a 12 y/o kid which can be annoying to some people lmao (sometimes its funny how people are annoyed by it) and some other things depends on how I feel. When it comes to annoyence I also like to annoy people <3 its so fun! But I never want to make them really feel bad! Often I act like an asshole but this is just for jokes! (but sometimes I wanna be a real asshole lmao) Like I said I dont want them to actually feel bad, if I do, I will feel very guilty! When it comes to it I apologize A LOT, I apologize so much that it might too annoying but I always feel a sense of guilt inside of me. I'm also VERY sensitve and worry about everything. Ah and I'm pretty dumb and I am not trying to insult myself I am just silly hehe and I'm okay with that. Oh and Im clumsy 😭😭
I LOVE LOVE horror and scary things, I can't imagine my life without it, its just a such interesting genre that makes me happy and intrigued! I adore horror games and I'm mostly interested in them, however most of the time I am scared of playing them so I just watch gameplays and stuff like that haha. You can say I am obssesed with horror! (its funny because its easy to scare me haha) I also love cute things! Plushies, pink, clothes and other cute things! I just love it so much <3 I like games very much (I suck at them), art, anime, drawing and psychology! When it comes to music I love energetic ones! I dislike slow music but there can be some exceptions.
I dislike cooking (I love when someone knows to cook however I suck at it </3), stressful and serious situations (I stress a lot)
When it comes to looks I am around 156cm height, chin length hair with bangs, brown color eyes and I'm chubby!
Thank you so much and have a wonderful day!
Hello. Thank you for the matchup request. This one was a no brainer. There was really only one perfect match. I hope you like it!
You Got...
Monkey D Luffy!!!!!
Tumblr media
You both have a great sense of humor and I think he would enjoy that he can laugh and joke with you.
He would be happy that you care about him and the rest of the crew. You may think it's too much, but he would think it is perfect.
He may not be able to cook, but he will get Sanji to do it for both of you.
Will insure you that you are awesome and that you don't need to apologize for anything.
Would dance with you to energetic music.
Every day with this boy would be fun!
I think he would enjoy horror movies and games. Would he be scared? No because he doesn't really understand it, but he would enjoy it.
Would want you to make drawing for on the ship. He would make you drawings too. They won't be the best, but it's the thought that counts right?
Overall, he will make you feel loved and will do anything that you enjoy. He wants to see you smile and laugh
Tumblr media
Please do not copy, modify, translate or repost my writing on other platforms. Comments, reblogs and likes are highly appreciated!
3 notes · View notes
goremet-chef · 1 year ago
Text
guhh im so bothered rnn (vent/rant)
so... i? idk. ive been out as trans in my house since 2020. my mom doesnt call me dom (sometimes she does if my sibling encourages her to, but she defaults back to my deadname anyways) and ive learned to accept it. i dont think she ever will and its sad for me, the reality that once i start my transition, ill need to just.. leave a lot of my family behind. they think its some rebellious choice like i hate all of them but im more worried about them hating me
my mom says shes supportive but is actively right wing, shes having an inner battle with her ideologies, i know that. i can tell by how she talks about homeless people vs how she talks about us being queer
so. whatever. thats my mom i guess. but for a long time, i wasnt out to my moms husband. i despise him and ive never intentionally started a conversation with him, let alone come out. ive started to not care about what he thinks. i know what he thinks, he thinks gays should die, said it straight to my gay siblings face. okay, cool. doesnt concern me, moms bf is absolutely fucking nothing to me.
to remedy this sort of like... we didnt wanna DEAL with what he might say if he heard both my siblings calling me dom, cuz both of them do, so whenever theyre around they would just refer to my deadname, but i saw it made them cringe, so now everyone calls me 'that one child'
that one, other one, etc etc
no one even calls me my name anymore
it makes me feel so hopeless. ive EXPRESSED it makes me upset but my younger sibling doesnt care (the one most guilty of it), because they dont understand why it upsets me, i guess thats enough reason to keep going
its so dehumanizing to be reduced to actually nothing. i ALREADY have heaps and heaps and HEAPS of identity issues. sometimes it gets so bad i start having crazy ass delusions, sometimes im not even present and its a different part of my mind in my body
its hard enough as is!!! now my family wont call me anything at all
it makes me feel less bad about leaving, but i dont think ill ever leave at this rate
need to start T, change my name, get a job, all in that order. starting T seems impossible at this rate. i.. dont know what to do. i cant keep LIVING like this, because im not living at all
i never leave my house because im too ashamed in how i look, i cant BEAR the thought of anyone else perceiving me as female, i cant fucking do it!!! im so tired. my house is like a prison for me, genuinely.
and my family dont get it, obviously. they think its my choice, im some kind of hermit who doesnt care about being outside because i have internet. they are so fucking wrong. i miss going out, i miss being around people, i miss existing like everyone else, but i just cant do it man. not like this
so it becomes a waiting game, when am i gonna bring up starting it? how do i even move forward once i do? what if she says no? id have to do it on my own but i cant.. i cant even order things for myself without freezing like shutting up will get me out of there, i cant fucking do it
she doesnt even know!! we were in the car together and she was like yknow theres people who cant even make a doctors appointment. what losers.
IM losers, would she have said that if she knew? does she know and decided to say it anyways? i dont know, but its just.. everything seems so hopeless at this point. i want to just give up, accept im not gonna be who i truly am, but man i cant stand being any more miserable
it makes me wanna cry, the only time i get to feel myself how i think i should be is either if i draw something fictitious, or if i spend hours in the mirror making sure i look masculine, my mustache is convincing, etc. AND FOR WHAT? literally for fucking WHAT, because i dont leave the house anyways!!!!! dolled up like i have somewhere to be, like my appearance will get me what i want, when im stuck at home! i got nothing to prove to them, they think what they think
its fucking dreadful. im so scared of my life passing me by, and here i am wasting away in my bedroom for the last 3 years. no progress, nothing. at first, i was scared about even starting T because theres a higher risk of heart disease, but. i dont fucking care if it KILLS me. i dont care!!! if it kills me i dont fucking care im not living the life i want to live anyways. the risk of death is worth it at this point, i mean that so seriously
idk. im just tired, is all. i wish everyone could perceive me the way i dream they would. only time that happens is online, or when im not with my family at all and instead with my friends. but we only hang out like. once in a blue moon
and yknow what? im not even safe then. i remember we were at my friends house for halloween last year (we always meet up). i had my full leatherface costume one, my face was touched up to make it look like the mask. and still. dressed that way, when my friends mom asked me what my name was, i said dom and she was immediately like. "oh, dominique?" no. my name is fucking DOMINIC.
i didnt say anything besides correcting her, but it was such a blow, man. the only time ill be happy is if im closely monitoring every single thing i do, to make sure i dont appear feminine at all. no matter how i look, now matter how deep my voice is. miserable. why would anyone think that id choose this
10 notes · View notes
feathersketchcreations · 11 months ago
Text
Tumblr media
so the glowing blitz silhouette from the look my way MV inspired me to draw Remi in the same pose because I.. see so much of myself in Blitz. I know I spend alot of my time doing silly goofy meme art as well as oc x Blitz polyamory shipart and while some see it as me being some Blitz fangirl or cringy simp, sure. I guess people can judge me for the gushy self insert characters x blitz shipart. but I don't do this because I'm a Blitz Fangirl. there is a reason I obsess and hyperfocus on Blitz so much and it's because I connect so deeply to him that it's kinda super personal. I know that seems silly.. but I also DO know I'm not the only one that feels the same way. I've seen other blitz fans who kin him and feel the same way I do.
I'm not gonna sugar coat this when I say blitz has a LOT to work on. thats fact. He deals with self hate, he genuinely thinks he doesn't even deserve love or affection, but he feels SO lonely. hes afraid hes going to DIE alone. and he also blames himself for things that were accident, showing he has a pretty bad guilt complex that has made him feel SUPER guilty about his childhood tent fire accident. he also has individuals who hate him as we've seen throughout the series (Verosika, Fizz, his own sister barbie, ect, though we already saw him and fizz make up. which is awesome! ^^) and well.. yea..
theres just.. SO much Blitz goes through as a character.. and me personally, I've been through each and EVERY Single thing he's going through. and yes. it HITS hard...
I know what it's like to self hate. I've been dealing with self hate my entire life. growing up I did a piss poor job building up the self love and seeing my worth. even to this day I still deal with self hate. yea, I know that I have people who tell me my arts good, or that im a good friend, or that I've inspired them, and truthfully yea I know my arts good, and I know I inspire others cause that's always been my goal is to inspire people, and if it works yay! but I am working on myself still. it's a rough road of getting out of the pit of self hate. self love is SUPER hard. my boyfriend even sees how hard it can be and how damaging self hate can be to me. but he still believes in me. just like I know all of my friends in this fandom believe in me. and I think that alone is what helps me try. and seeing Blitz go through this definitely makes me connect and idk. it speaks to me..
I know what it's like to feel like I'm unloveable.. before I met my boyfriend Christian, I had such a hard time with relationships. people used me. cheated on me, abused me. yknow the gist. back in 2015 I was SO close to giving up because I thought I was worthless and unlovable.. I was so fucking hopeless. I felt so unloved, and unwanted and blamed myself... anyone I'd have feelings for, I would get friendzoned, or shot down. I just felt super hopeless until I met christian. we.. admittedly had a rocky start and ups and downs.. but here we are 8 years later, moved in together, and still holding on to one another. I love him to death, and would do anything for him.. and obviously in Blitz's case in the show, after seeing the episode truth seekers, and ozzies, I felt so bad for him. truthfully this is why i made remi. I had MADE remi to ship with blitz to make comfort art of him in HAPPY art pieces because it pained me to see him go through all this stuff in the show. and I seriously can't wait to finally see him SUPER happy with Stolas when they finally get together canonically of course! <3 it's gonna be amazing <3
I know what it's like to suffer from a really bad guilt complex.. I've done and said things I didn't mean in the past.. I'm not gonna sugar coat it, I was AWFUL, but I'm learning from my mistakes.. and I'll be real, I still feel guilty over the things I've said and done because yea. I feel horrible. dispite people I've wronged, forgiving me, and me bettring meself, years later I still feel horrible and have my moments where I'll just sit at my table, stare off and then cry, having an emotional break down. so seeing blitz HATE himself AND beat himself up, and being guilty for the circus fire even though it was an accident.. man it hurts and hits me really hard cause that shit is so relatable...
so.. Idk.. I don't just "simp" or "fangirl" for blitz (I mean I wont deny it I do simp, and fangirl to the extreme lol) I just.. relate to him so much on a personal level it's insane..
so it makes me happy seeing him happy. cause all the poor dude seems to get is big fat F yous in the show left and right, and I draw him shipped with My ocs Remi and Tiziri because both Remi AND tiziri are representation of me somewhat, and because I used to go through what hes going through, It comforts me drawing shipart. dispite what the haters think, Even after stolas x blitz becomes canon, yes, I'm STILL gonna ship my ocs with blitz in my lil AU..
but know I also cannot wait to see stolas and blitz happy.
agh.. I know this is alot. sorry. <XD
I'm kinda emotional rn..
anyway. er. yea. this is my peice. hopefully people kinda understand a little bit of why I stick to oc x blitz ships so much.. and if not hey, thats okay. I get it.
thank you for reading.
artwork was inspired off of the blitz silhouette from the look my way music video
Art (c) me Remi (c) mine helluva boss (c) vivziepop
5 notes · View notes
shrug-em0ji · 2 years ago
Text
had not intended to readmorepost but this is long and rambly and has some sensitive stuff i think?
i mentioned to my coworkers the other day that my mom was a pathological liar (it was relevant, i promise) and neither of them dug for further details but i got caught in this loop of wanting to explain and justify it, probably because its a thing that i used to do a LOT and have only recently gotten better about. but i was thinking about like. why people lie. and my mom and i in particular. and about how when you are hurt profoundly, especially over a prolonged period of time, in ways that people cant see and often dont acknowledge as being worthy of consideration, it becomes really easy to just. fudge the details a little bit. add in an extra pinch of violence. make it sound just a little worse so that when people react their response is proportional to how you felt rather than to what happened.
i have a story that i have often used as an example of the things that happened a lot when i was growing up - i was supposed to be cleaning my room, but i was a kid, and i was bored and overwhelmed by the mess, so i sat down on the floor, on a pile of clothes, and spent 45 minutes daydreaming about my toys coming to life and helping me. when my dad came upstairs to check on me and saw that i hadnt cleaned at all, he got really angry and picked up a little armchair that i had in my room and threw it at my wall hard enough to leave a decently big hole.
for a long time, when i told this story, i said that he threw the chair at me and missed, that i didnt hear him come in, that i had been working and he just wasnt happy with how far id gotten. and i used to get really angry at myself for lying about it - obviously, if im lying to make it sound worse it must not have been that bad, im making a huge deal out of nothing, theres no reason for this to even be a thing that i tell anyone ever. but it was the opposite. i was on the floor, in the only place that i felt safe or like i had any modicum of control over, and someone who was supposed to care for me came in, towered over me, made me feel small and helpless, and then intentionally picked up a large heavy object and threw it across the room because he knew it would scare me. he wanted me to be very very aware at all times how big and strong and angry he was, and how helpless i was to stop him. "even in this safe quiet space that is yours i can break your stuff and hurt you, you are not really safe here at all, i am always in control"
but like!!! i was a kid!!! i didnt understand the concept of subtext! now, when i tell people that my dad threw stuff a lot when i was a kid, im usually talking to people who understand that throwing things is inherently threatening. it is a thing that abusive people do to scare you and let you know that they want to hurt you and they can hurt you if you make them. but when i was growing up this was very much not the case! if i told an adult my dad threw stuff their response would be "well you didnt get hurt so you're fine, nothing to complain about"
so i lied about it, because i was terrified of him and needed people to believe that he was terrifying.
i was reading a book recently - one of the big abuse books that everyone recommends, though i dont recall precisely which - and i got to a bit about incest and immediately felt so unbelievably guilty. i never accused anyone in my family of sexual abuse but i wanted to so badly, and i never understood why. i just felt like id been taken advantage of, like my body didnt belong to me, like i was tainted and ruined somehow, but no one had ever really done anything so i had no reason to feel that way.
and then i kept reading and the author specifically started drawing attention to specific behaviors - not illegal behaviors, not behaviors that get you barred from having custody of your kids, just... weird stuff. a parent drawing attention to their kids body, making sexual innuendos about them, commenting on their imagined sexual activity. stuff my dad did. "you'll probably be really good at sex someday, just make sure you dont end up a whore like your mom" "i miss when you were a little kid, now youre ready to start popping out babies" "people will say anything to make me look bad, i bet theyre spreading rumors about us sleeping together" "youre almost like a wife, theres just a few really important things you cant do"
it made me feel....... gross. and i didnt know why. i didnt understand it. i wanted very badly to not feel that way, but not as much as i wanted someone to understand that i felt that way.
i stopped showering regularly in middle school, when i moved back in with my dad, because i didnt want to be naked in the same house as him and my brothers (for related reasons) but i could never explain it to anyone. i spent a lot of time in the guidance counselors office being questioned about what the problem was and utterly unable to find the words, or really understand it myself. so it got chalked up to being lazy. and i just spent several years absolutely hating myself and not understanding why i felt the way that i did. i wanted to lie to explain it and could never quite get there. and then the other thing happened and gave me a plausible explanation so i ran with it, and have continued running with it for years now, despite the fact that the worst symptoms predate it by 3 years.
im not.... entirely certain why i wrote this out. i think its just been stuck in my head for a while now? and i wanted to say it. i wanted to be able to say "here is a real thing that happened to me and here is how i felt and feel about it and actually i dont care if you think my feelings arent proportional to the events, i need to be able to accept this as a thing that happened if im ever gonna get over it"
so fuck it.
6 notes · View notes
voidselfshipp · 1 month ago
Text
Emotional over Martin and Jon.
Poly! Jon×me×Martin headcanons.
>only mutuals allowed to reblog.
Jon being the black cat,and me the scary dog.
Jon going to Grab his tea alone and the cashier asks "Where's the missus?"
Jon coming from behind whilst I make breakfast,nuzzling my neck and speaking with such a raspy,pretty voice. "Good mornin' ". Hes cozy like a cat because the sunlight is warming up his clothes.
Jon feeling his heart swell when I sass him back,and harder than his original quip.
Jon getting possesive/jealous and hugging my arm and almost hissing at whoever is talking to me.
Jon being able to show off his academia knowledge, his ego growing as he sees the heart eyes im making as I praise his smarts and how handsome he looks whilst giving this impromptu lecture.
S1! Jon with his short hair,frustrated but absolutely flustered when I mess with his hair. We aint even together but oh..he loves it.
S2! Jon when his paranoia spikes but he knows he can trust me. He falls asleep on me when he gets little rest,hes calm in my presence.
Post! Eyepocalypse Jon who turns to be a teacher. Delighted to see his students flabbergasted when I come over to hand him lunch. How did the grumpy teach got such a cute,sweet partner?
On that note,imagine his sudent's surprise when martin comes over. He has 2 partners now?
On that note pt2. When I come by dressed all punk,his classes just derail. Uptight,academia,classic Jonathan and his punk spouse. Yeah,the srudents are not letting this one go. "hOW ARE YOU TWO TOGETHER???"
If anyone asks how he pulled me,he just shrugs and go "I wish I knew".
Avatar! Jon who ignores any and all information the eye gives him when it pertains to some surprise me and Martin want to give him.
Post! Eyepocalypse Jon,who needs a lot of rest as he gets used to being human again. He falls asleep a lot, and its always in odd spots. I always drape blankets and prop him up on pillows. Or move him to the bed if its a very uncomfy spot.
Jon who uses my clothes to work/his uni job. He wears oversized hoodies with big,eyecatching prints. Some I made myself,others I bought. The hoodies are all manner of colors, but he likes the yellow,green and black ones since those are my fave colors.
It always brings attention to him but he doesnt mind,he loves that it smells like me and it keeps him grounded.
Jon using my hoodies and everyone can already tell hes going to be less grumpy. (His students take full advantage of It)
Avatar! Jon who is worried Martin and I Will see him as a monster. We dont, we love him so,so,so much!.
Avatar Jon who feels guilty for having to feed statements to the eye. But me (n martin) reassure Him that we understand. Hes between a rock and a hard place.
Eyepocalypse era! Where we travel through the ruined world, together, we still love eachother thoroughly and we Will see this through.
Post eyepocalypse! Where Jon,martin and I spend a solid week just sleeping it all off. Cuddled in our bed,all snuggled up.
S1! Martin who is happy to have another friend (me). Mid season he realizes he might feel a lot more than he thought.
S2! Martin who begs me to help him get through to Jon in his paranoia.
S4! Martin who no matter how hard he tries,he could never isolate himself from me. He loves me so,so much.
Martin who lends me his jackets and hoodies,that opens Doors for me,takes care of me.
Martin who slowly learns to be cared for back.
Hours spent showing off our poetry and writing to eachother. Finally,he has somebody to share this with.
Him and i roping the whole of the archives into a tea making competition. In the end,its a draw. (Though Tim certainly preffers my cups of tea).
Martin and I who goof off in our breaks,telling silly stories with silly voices.
Martin who Will not hesitate to deck a bitch to defend my honor.
Martin who Will lie Straight to Elias' face when I decided to just take the day off. "Oh,theyre a bit sick" n just saying it right to that Mans face without even an eye twitch to give him away.
Martin who Will just scoop me up and away when I need a break no matter how hard I try to fight him on it.
Martin who Will one up my stubborness. This Man is winning this argument.
Martin who is quite good at home renovation being my perfect twin for my DYI Ass.
Martin and I spending the whole afternoon making a matching punk vest for him. He wears It almost every day.
Martin loving my tiny ass poodle (Anita!!) And spoiling her so,so much. This is his daughter now!!!
Martin, who gets fed up with jons attitude (before we all got together) and takes a page out of my book and arms the courage to just begin talking back. He can be sassy too,just watch.
Poly headcannons:
So heres the thing: Jon and I Cook, Martin washes the dishes, I put away the dishes and I do the groceries. We all Keep the house as clean as we are able.
Martin who knows his way around a car and often time fixes it (I help! I was [sort of] raised by a mechanic!!! And im a great conversationalist)
The three of us watching football when Argentina plays. They abide by my superstitions and they even have Argentina Jerseys!!.
On that note: they pick up my culture quite quickly. Drinking mate,some of the snacks I like, going absolutely crazy for dulce de leche,and they pick up so. Much. Slang.
They begin saying hi with a kiss on the cheek as Argentines often do,bit of a culture clash for those that dont know but hey, theyll learn.
Us picking up Jons culture too: traditions, festivities,superstitions, food stuffs,even humor and inside jokes.
Martin has two non-white partners,and hes learning A LOT. (I at least hc martin as white). He keeps a Journal with everything he knows.
Us celebrating Argentina's independence day,and other things like honoring the soldiers Fallen on the Malvinas war, the 50 Years of democracy from the last dictatorship. Its nice to have people to share this with when im so far away from my home.
Martin and Jon have become quite fond of Argentina's slang and creativity with insults. (Its fun to watch them speak Argentine spanish with their accent)
On a wild change of topic: Jon and I helping Martin dye his white strands of hair bcs of the whole lonely thing.
Jon and I advertising Martin's poetry books (n being the beta readers of course. He involves us a lot on his desicion making)
Martin who gets surprised in his little Office space in our home. We bring him tea and make sure he doesnt burnt out.
Martin asking me to make the cover art and to Jon to be his second editor and synopsis writer. Hes quite eloquent.
Overall,we love eachother so much,wether on our individual bonds or the Bond of the three as a whole. We're inseparable. Forever and always!.
1 note · View note