#i know im assuming a lot but like
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You know I loved the idea of Dorian and Orym becoming the new leaders of the Silken Squall but.. I don't want it to happen because of this :(
#critical role#cr spoilers#dorym#i know im assuming a lot but like#i can see orym joining dorian after this is all over.....#oh god#the weight of responsibility though.#it should be his choice not forced#also btw i am NOT watching live im just gathering info from livebloggers
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the thing is that they're so fascinated by sex, they love sex, they can't imagine a world without sex - they need sex to sell things, they need sex to be part of their personality, they need sex to prove their power - but they hate sex. they are disgusted by it.
sex is the only thing that holds their attention, and it is also the thing that can never be discussed directly.
you can't tell a child the normal names for parts of their body, that's sexual in nature, because the body isn't a body, it's a vessel of sex. it doesn't matter that it's been proven in studies (over and over) that kids need to know the names of their genitals; that they internalize sexual shame at a very young age and know it's 'dirty' to have a body; that it overwhelmingly protects children for them to have the correct words to communicate with. what matters is that they're sexual organs. what matters is that it freaks them out to think about kids having body parts - which only exist in the context of sex.
it's gross to talk about a period or how to check for cancer in a testicle or breast. that is nasty, illicit. there will be no pain meds for harsh medical procedures, just because they feature a cervix.
but they will put out an ad of you scantily-clad. you will sell their cars for them, because you have abs, a body. you will drip sex. you will ooze it, like a goo. like you were put on this planet to secrete wealth into their open palms.
they will hit you with that same palm. it will be disgusting that you like leather or leashes, but they will put their movie characters in leather and latex. it will be wrong of you to want sexual freedom, but they will mark their success in the number of people they bed.
they will crow that it's inappropriate for children so there will be no lessons on how to properly apply a condom, even to teens. it's teaching them the wrong things. no lessons on the diversity of sexual organ growth, none on how to obtain consent properly, none on how to recognize when you feel unsafe in your body. if you are a teenager, you have probably already been sexualized at some point in your life. you will have seen someone also-your-age who is splashed across a tv screen or a magazine or married to someone three times your age. you will watch people pull their hair into pigtails so they look like you. so that they can be sexy because of youth. one of the most common pornography searches involves newly-18 young women. girls. the words "barely legal," a hiss of glass sand over your skin.
barely legal. there are bills in place that will not allow people to feel safe in their own bodies. there are people working so hard to punish any person for having sex in a way that isn't god-fearing and submissive. heteronormative. the sex has to be at their feet, on your knees, your eyes wet. when was the first time you saw another person crying in pornography and thought - okay but for real. she looks super unhappy. later, when you are unhappy, you will close your eyes and ignore the feeling and act the role you have been taught to keep playing. they will punish the sex workers, remove the places they can practice their trade safely. they will then make casual jokes about how they sexually harass their nanny.
and they love sex but they hate that you're having sex. you need to have their ornamental, perfunctory, dispassionate sex. so you can't kiss your girlfriend in the bible belt because it is gross to have sex with someone of the same gender. so you can't get your tubes tied in new england because you might change your mind. so you can't admit you were sexually assaulted because real men don't get hurt, you should be grateful. you cannot handle your own body, you cannot handle the risks involved, let other people decide that for you. you aren't ready yet.
but they need you to have sex because you need to have kids. at 15, you are old enough to parent. you are not old enough to hear the word fuck too many times on television.
they are horrified by sex and they never stop talking about it, thinking about it, making everything unnecessarily preverted. the saying - a thief thinks everyone steals. they stand up at their podiums and they look out at the crowd and they sign a bill into place that makes sexwork even more unsafe and they stand up and smile and sign a bill that makes gender-affirming care illegal and they get up and they shrug their shoulders and write don't say gay and they get up, and they make the world about sex, but this horrible, plastic vision of it that they have. this wretched, emotionless thing that holds so much weight it's staggering. they put their whole spine behind it and they push and they say it's normal!
this horrible world they live in. disgusted and also obsessed.
#this shifts gender so much bc it actually affects everyone#yes it's a gendered phenomenon. i have written a LOT about how different genders experience it. that's for a different post.#writeblr#ps my comments about seeing someone cry -- this is not to shame any person#and on this blog we support workers.#at the same time it's a really hard experience to see someone that looks like you. clearly in agony. and have them forced to keep going.#when you're young it doesn't necessarily look like acting. it looks scary. and that's what this is about - the fact that teens#have likely already been exposed to that definition of things. because the internet exists#and without the context of healthy education. THAT is the image burned into their minds about what it looks like.#it's also just one of those personal nuanced biases -#at 19 i thought it was normal to be in pain. to cry. to not-like-it. that it should be perfunctory.#it was what i had seen.#and it didn't help that my religious upbringing was like . 'yeah that's what you get for premarital. but also for the reference#we do think you should never actually enjoy it lol'#so like the point im making is that ppl get exposed to that stuff without the context of something more tender#and assume .... 'oh. so it's fine i am not enjoying myself'. and i know they do because I DID.#he was my first boyfriend. how was i supposed to know any different#i didn't even have the mental wherewithal to realize im a lesbian . like THAT used to suffering.
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horrible truth bomb dropped on my head 20 min ago
#I DIDNT KNOW I DIDNT KNOWWWWW#when i say damn thats crazy its bc i DO think its crazy i think a lot of things are crazy. like how birds have cloacas#or the way ppl draw a five pointed star in different ways and everyone assumes their way of doing it is how everyone does it#my brother is not letting me live this down btw he literally shouted at me like HOW DID YOU LIVE THIS LONG AND NOT PICK UP ON THAT#IDK!!! IDK I THOUGHT SOMETIMES IT COULD BE USED TO EXPRESS GENUINE SHOCK??????#he says its my delivery that makes it sound insincere bc i say it in a monotonous voice which when i think abt it YEAH....#THAT DOES MAKE IT LOOK KINDA BAD IN HINDSIGHT.....#and then i told him i keep a list of phrases that tickle my brain so i can remember to use them in conversation and apparently#most ppl dont do that bc he was like ???? stop doing that??? just let the conversation flow naturally it sounds fake>????#idk man i feel like if i did that and blurted out 'i forgot people find stuff like underwear arousing for some reason' instead of#smth like 'i wonder what kind of ppl find this kind of stuff the bees knees' like i normally do. it would. not go so well.#ALSO THE FLOW CHARTS ARENT NORMAL? i make flow charts before i call the bank or smth so i know what to say#its not just to blend in its also so i dont waste ppls time going uhhhhh as i think of how i put smth into words#its called stalling for time and i dont care if i have to say smth like thats just how the cookie crumbles if it gives me#5 more seconds to process whatever the fuck someone said without letting them think im not paying attention#doodles#diary#sona#puppysona#comics
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most people watch the x files because they either want to see aliens or watch mulder and scully kiss. coincidentally the x files is a show that is well known for avoiding showing us aliens at all costs and also not letting mulder and scully kiss.
#cricket.chatterbox#im only on like s4 so if either of these things actually DO start to really happen on screen then don't sue me !#but im pretty sure mulder and scully aren't OFFICIALLY together until the movies. so.#ALSO#i know a lot of the trippy alien stuff with it being like ''oh the aliens are among us but we don't get to see them tho'' is bc of budget#or at least i assume its bc of budget. but like i do think it's funny that for a show about aliens there are very few direct aliens in it#so far at least
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Therapy Humans
After being in a war for millions of years transformers gotta be really fucked up. So I imagine with humans being nice and soft and having therapists that we'll be therapy dog humans.
#transformers#humans are cats#humans are space cats#transformers x human#not really but eh#bumblebee would love sam holding his face on his lap#Optimus has tranquil conversations over tea/energon with cade#mirage seems like the type of bot to love physical contact to relax#so platonic cuddling!#or not 😏#mirage x noah#barn husbands#idk sam ships name with bee#sams and bee are like the same age right? well in their species#im no longer some 15 year old who uses questionable stuff to cope because I didn't know any better#i got standards#I'm assuming he's like 17#once again i don't know a lot about of tf outside of fics#and bee is like 16-18
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I think that the party's communication issues can be summed up as "man, is it awkward to tell someone that you want to spend the rest of your life with them if you've only know them for a few months? Probably."
#isat#isat spoilers#in stars and time#listen they will kill for each other but also its such a short time???? like??? thats part of the tragedy tbh#like!!! yeah theyll go back to their previous lives bc who in their right minds throw out everything they were doing before for people youv#only known for a few months and it turns out all of them do bc theyre insane for each other but!!!! like!!!! thats still a big ask!!!!!#yeah lets throw out everything we've ever know to be together lets fucking go and then they do in the end!!!! but!!!#thats because theyre all are ride or die to the extreme for each other!!!!!! far more than siffrin thinks anyone will ever be for him!!!!#anyway I have a lot of feelings about the party and just how bonkers (affectionate) they are#yeah no siffrin I too would not expect people to put aside their previous lives especially if its clear they have other plans#'yeah im gonna invite myself over to your house to live here lol' yeah no I would not assume that!!!!!!!#the issue is more that issue doesnt communicate what he really wants because if they do and his family says no then... being together truly#will end so he doesnt ask so they never will get a no so it never has to end (and has his reason to keep going)#this is turning into an essay in the tags but like. God its a wild set of circumstances so#tbh Siffrin not thinking the party wants to travel together is not wild to me neither is family not communicating#them wanting to be together ALL OF THEM wanting it is... unbelivable in these circumstances#but they do bc theyre all insane and ride or die but the extent of which is a mystery to all of them#anyway thats my essay in the tags#just read the no loops fic where the adults minus siffrin all offer to bring bonnie to bambouche and had FEELINGS about it#my posts
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so there's this post that talks about how people call jason's curved knife a kris but it's not a kris 'cuz why would he have a southeast asian knife? and op's tags say if you're gonna give him an 'exotic' weapon at least make him malay or something. a later reblog adds a filipino kris as an example, and then i was like, 'omg, jason in a barong tho.' SO i tried designing a bat-barong inspired by his hood logo, for a filipino jason haha. and now here we are! 😊✨️🇵🇭
#jason todd#red hood#batfamily#batfamily fanart#dc#dc fanart#i love barongs SO MUCH i used to think they were just a boy thing but my mom and i found a barong dress for me to wear for graduation ✨️✨️#i was so happy lol#i am posting a lot of lil doodles rn cuz i finished some big involved pieces for the zines im in and this is all the energy i have left rn#anyways i made him white-passing bc comics but like.#it should track that he looks a lil asian too cuz he thinks lady shiva might be his mom right??? so he could feasibly be half... 🤷🏻♀️#i like thinking he's a lil filipino but only cuz im all the way filipino (except for all the ways im not hashtag immigrant kid life)#I DIGRESS#here's another extremely niche jason todd post from yours truly 😌✌️✨️#sorry if the knife isnt to scale it's only occuring to me now that i just *assumed* it'd be longer than a man's forearm oops#ugh barongs are so pretty. idve tried designing more if i had the patience to do the detail work rn 🥲 mb in the future who knows#he's wearing a sando underneath!!!!
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I keep seeing people bitching about "uwu when I say 'from the river to the sea' people say I'm calling for geeenocide! They say I'm antisemitic!" and like.
Maybe. instead of clinging to a phrase that a bunch of white leftists have co-opted because they think it sounds nice. And digging your little immature heels in. You should LISTEN when people tell you that yes. The phrase's FUCKING ORIGIN was a call for the eradication of Jews from the area known as Israel and Palestine. That NO, you cannot divorce it from those roots. YES, it IS still used to mean that TO THIS DAMN DAY.
And look. Maybe you DON'T think that Israelis should all be killed and/or exiled from Israel and Palestine. Maybe you DON'T think that the genocide of an entire people is the solution. Maybe you DON'T hate Jews and want all of us dead. And if that's the case? Great!
But how the FUCK are we supposed to tell the difference when you are using the EXACT same phrase as countless people who DO want those things. People who DO hate Jews, who ARE supportive of organizations that want to commit violence, people who SUPPORT what happened on October 7th?
When people tell you "hey, this phrase means something else, it has ALWAYS come from those roots, and using it is NOT OKAY because it is STILL used as a rallying cry for violence against Israelis and Jews worldwide", the way to react? Is NOT to fucking double down and use it.
Because that? DOES make you an antisemite. And if I see you using that phrase? Then I MUST assume that at best, you do not know what it means and have SOMEHOW avoided the countless Jews and non-Jews I have seen talking about it, or at WORST you actively hate me and want me and every single one of my people dead.
And frankly? You are not worth that risk to interact with.
Stop saying it. There are SO many ways to support Palestine, the Palestinian people, and their fight for rights, that do not involve spouting genocidal, antisemitic rhetoric. it is NOT HARD.
But apparently, some of y'all are insistent on being racist.
#antisemitism#i/p#the phrase cannot be divorced from its roots#and if I see anyone complaining about it#I am just going to assume that you're a racist antisemite now#it's been long enough#saw someone bitching about not being allowed to have it up at work#and people railing the OTW for not allowing it and im like#ah so if I showed up with a 1488 patch and I got told I couldn't wear that#like#that's actually a GREAT comparison#because a LOT of people have no idea was 1488 means and think it's just a number#but the people who know what it stands for will take you using it as support for them#and btw it's a white supremacist and Nazi symbol#so when someone says hey you know that number isn't JUST a number#it has a lot of racist and violent connotations#the response is not to INSIST that you be allowed to use that damn number#it should be to go oh shit and ditch it#because YOU DON'T WANT FUCKING WHITE SUPREMACISTS THINKING YOU AGREE WITH THEM
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dont mean this in any disrespectful way when you posted that i did go through your account and saw you had posted about gaza back in oct 13, i think in the current climate where so many zionist weaponize anti-semitism to silence people trying to stop the genocide i was also worried when you posted that and had seen no posts about palestine on your twt i did go down farther and saw that that was not the case and its just not easily apparent i do feel like you are aware of this though and it feels a little exploitative to post that knowing people would be sensitive to the language you used and your lack of public sentiment around palestine and unfollow you thinking you were a zionist i dont think your a zionist but your immediate outrage at people unfollowing you for that post is ignoring the context in which your posting in. please remember people are dying before our eyes everyday from people who use the language of anti-semitism to fuel that death i implore that you act with compassion towards people and not bad intentions
(for reference to others, this is about this post I then shared on my twitter as well.) Me commenting about people unfollowing me for sharing support for my community is not outrage, it's an observation on how I can't support fellow Jews without it being connected to Zionism. I said a very positive message to support others who have been dealing with things IN DIASPORA like I have and get messages like yours and this.
It is not exploitative for me to express love for MY COMMUNITY (NOT ISRAEL) after experiencing multiple actually antisemitic incidents IRL recently and saying the words I needed to hear for others. I need to hear that people care. My synagogue got bomb threats and I've been called a kike and harassed in real life multiple times. I didn't even post about most of the stuff I've dealt with to be sensitive to others and the online environment lately. Yet here I am being called exploitative and that I should be more sensitive to others for supporting my community. I have never once called anyone on here or anywhere else an antisemite or weaponized antisemitism so please don't project on me.
#hyde replied#:l#jumblr#anitsemitism#tw antisemitism#cw antisemitism#im tagging this because of my experiences i mentioned#k slur#long text#for reference anon I'm not upset with you. I'm just so tired of projection#and being villainized#and hatred. I should be able to support my community who's been dealing with a lot#without people assuming im a zionist and digging through my blog and harassing me#“it feels a little exploitative to post that knowing people would be sensitive to the language you used” when the words I used were#“Jewish friends I love you.”#“you deserve mutual respect and care”#Honestly makes me feel like I'm in another dimension where I said something horrifying and not those words ???#I even said I wasnt mad about losing followers.. I dont consider it a loss to lose people who project on me. but somehow I am outraged?
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rody has such a low self esteem. of course, right?
"why would a criminal like me be worth getting hurt over"
"truth is, i'm pretty lame"
"look, i'm a worthless delinquent, deku. i can't take on the world, much less save it. i'm not a hero like you."
i know that last one was said while he was feigning compliance with flect, but i don't think he was lying when he said that. i do think there was truth to his words, the way he viewed himself. it makes deku telling him that he did great, that he's amazing all the more meaningful.
...that said, he still thinks pretty lowly of himself. this is evident in the team-up mission. in a small way, sure, but still something worth noting.
"i feel like i've done nothing but put [roro and lala] through hard times"
this line right here is indicative of it. rody was doing what he could to provide for his siblings and yet he feels like he's responsible for putting them through a rough period...
i also wanna address this:
(as a side note, i wanna say good on deku for asking both jirou and shouji to accompany them since they have recon quirks and are going around a big city with two little kids)
rody is doing a good job of raising his siblings!! when roro and lala wanted to buy those pilot goggles, they made sure to ask the heroes! they made sure that they were not alone! he taught them how to be safe!
but... notice what rody assumed when he saw that roro and lala weren't there?
"i told them not to walk off with strangers"
he immediately assumes that they disregarded what he said. this is a reasonable assumption for sure, but the reason why i bring it up in my argument is because rody does have a level of trust in his siblings. in whm, he knew that he could leave them alone, that they would remain at home, and that they would make dinner and take care of themselves if he was out for an extended period of time.
this assumption of his paired with him feeling like he's done nothing but put them through hard times... it tells me that rody doesn't feel like he's doing a good job of raising his siblings.
#cosmic chatter#bnha#rody soul#blorbo tag#undescribed#hello i'm here to talk abt him again#i have so many things i can talk abt regarding him#i was thinking abt this a lot yesterday it's just ouhhhh :[#another thing too. and i might make this its own post#but do you ever think abt how rody probably forgets that hes just a kid too#like hes 16-17 but having to raise two kids and work with adults. he doesnt have anyone his own age he like#talks to regularly? asides from deku id assume. probably through email. i know a lot of ppl hc that he gets a phone and i agree#but i think like. after whm they talked via email bcuz rody is not shown to have a phone in whm#with the amnt of books they have im sure rody regularly visits the library#anyways. yeah
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something thats always been on my mind about the eah destiny system is that a lot of the time i dont think the book actually needs to play a factor ... especially w regards to briar — sure she can opt out, can say No Thank you to the curse but i dont see how that stops anything ? the original sleeping beauty didnt consent to be cursed to sleep , we know the stories change and just have to keep the essense of the fairytale ? so whats actually stopping faybelle cursing her anyway . . . just trust ? hope ??
#💬#ever after high#bribelle#so what im really saying here is lovers to enemies toxic doomed yuri bribelle where faybelle curses her and waits out the 100 years by (..)#her side even knowing she will never be able to offer an apology thats enough .#faybelle respecting briars choice not to follow her destiny would also be neat but ..... i have to assume faybelle is going to be under#a LOT of pressure to follow through w it anyway ....#side topic its odd to me personally that faybelle was never considered as a raven replacement <— unless she was and i forgot#evil queen dark fairy .... very similar ..... it seems like that could fit the same niche as the huntsman or the charmings#but i suppose snow white is a MAJOR story in the eahverse#i dont knowwwwwwwwww ... !
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stars finally aligned for me to watch castlevania: nocturne and oh, i like it so much more than i expected to. i was dragging my feet because i gotta be in the correct Mood for dark and violent shows and i'm not familiar with the games and don't know any of the characters etc etc etc.
anyway. i don't usually have a lot of interest in vampires as monster in and of itself, the whole blood sucking thing just holds no interest to me - the one aspect i DO find very interesting is vampires as immortal former humans. what i like about the castlevania cartoons is that they have vampires from many different eras and cultures, which is Exactly what i want from vampire stories, so i'm sold. what i like about nocturne specifically is that they have made the allegory explicit - vampires as the oppressor class, nobility and slave owners, and set the series during the french revolution. that's so tasty. that's so good. placing a vampire slaying series in a historical context, and a world where vampires are Known entities and not secret monsters is so delightful. i am so glad i'm finally watching this
#i also like the characters a lot!!!!!!#i still haven't finished the season i just need to shout into the void#taking a much needed cartoon watching weekend instead of crying over my laptop trying to write my thesis#i think the first castlevania series did this stuff too. it's been a while since i saw it. i just love that it's leaning so hard into it#as i said im not familiar with the games so i don't know how much is changed in the adaptatiok#but judging from the ethnicities of the videogame counter parts i assume Some Have Been Made#addendum: finished the season. kicking my feets with excitement#gonna rewatch the 2017 cartoon now. and oh wow that's Much gorier than nocturne#nocturne was very chill to watch in comparison
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Hey question. Has anyone ever like. Been territorial over media (source especially if fictionfolk) and found a way to get over it. If you have I'd really, really like advice. Even if you haven't but have things to say I'd appreciate it. Thanks. Elaboration in tags, I suppose.
#for being territorial i mean like. having extreme opinions on a lot of things within a fandom#such as how certain things make me overjoyed but others make me lethargic with anxiety#and for the fictionfolk part especially how do i like. get over things that feel more personal ?#such as seeing ships of people from source youre close to#or someone close being a “double”#man im sorry this blog has had so many miserable personal posts recently i just need. help#and to get it out#i know it's my blog so it aint a big deal but. i assume most people followed me for my kin stuff. not me asking for help into the void#batim kin#fictionkin#otherkin#nonhuman#fictionfolk#alterhuman#introject#fictionkind#fictives#fictive#kin help#help#advice#heeellllpppp help meee or something... ooh
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learning abt friendship decay and "not reaching out to your friends for months at a time unprompted is not neurotypical behaviour" has me feeling a certain way
#experiencing some BIG FEELINGS OVER THIS REVELATION#listen i have never ever been bothered abt not seeing someone in a while or making time to talk to them bc in my mind its like not thst muc#time has passed. i mean it with every fibre of my being that when im like 'oh its ok even though we havent talked in a while and have our#own things going on it doesnt mean we're not friends anymore since we left things on a good note 8 months ago' i sincerely believe that#and for the longest time i just thought everybody makes peace with it at some point and not automatically assuming the other person doesnt#wanna talk to me anymore or smth. my longest lasting friendships are with ppl who work the same way i just thouhght that was normal#whatever organ everybody has that makes them reach out to their friends and plan hang outs i probably dont have it#i was already hesitant to ask out Alex bc i spend almost every waking hour doing smth that isnt talking to ppl unless they happen to be in#the vicinity. and at first it was bc i planned on making sure i had everything set up so i dont get stressed out and do it one at a time#but then i find out theres a friendship decay mechanic? and after dating and marrying someone you lose -10 friendship points for every#day u dont talk to them?? actually ive probably been losing friendship points this whole time without knowing bc of this?????#and i notice a lot of my own habits are also reflected in how i play bc ive been avoiding getting close to pierre and marnie since its more#of a professional relationship. like i know theyre npcs but im approaching it the way i would in real life its fucking nuts#i think its a little relieving im playing /as/ a character than myself bc as im playing im just making up little interactions in my head#than approaching things the way i would myself so it takes a bit of the stress off trying to put myself in there as a spectator. but well#being in a relationship demands a certain amount of energy even more so when theyre things that already take up energy on its own#like making time to talk to your partner and make sure they know theyre loved. i dont always have energy to put all my mental focus into it#and this is true for real life so im not really bothered by not dating anyone. but when its a game and i want my character to be with someo#and i know its fully optional and i know i could just apply the same logic to this i dont /want/ to. sometimes i want to experience#the same things other people do at least to a certain degree without the same emotional andmental stakes#no offense krobus#yapping#stardew#stardew valley#puppy plays sdv#sdv#this game has me by the ankles man
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Make you vile, Make you a spectacle.
They need to calm down from hitting each other with pipes
#bart#limbus company#ishmael limbus company#ishmael lcb#ahab limbus company#Ahab lcb#i think about ahab more than i let on and thats all y'all will know#the prequod is a sort of...idk podium to stand upon and confess yourself to your fullest onto#it talks a lot about faith and keeping it despite the depths but the second you falter the second you step out of the self assumed light#you'll get straight up swallowed whole#idk herman wrote some wild shit in there and some folks know i do backflips just to avoid Christianity#obviously the white whale is a sort of trial by mockery of faith but like idkkk#WHATEVER BACK TO CAPTOTE (did not spell that correctly) ishmael and how violently horrid it is with ahab#that ego is a sort of play on ishmael taking everything just to guide the others out of the pit they find themselves in#she bloodies herself and makes her flesh unrecognizable to the most keen of eyes just to find a way through#to put a blind bull through the thing that denounces other authorities and claims it is above all#ahab is that sort of red that ishmael endlessly chases after like a wheel#no matter how many harpoons are buried deep in ishmaels flesh she will still move forward if not die with a hand reaching in front#eh im not gonna explain too much in the tags because I'm ill
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Lol
#theres nothing quite like your mother saying Well maybe you shouldve been more careful because now your boss might think youve been flirting#with this male coworker (whom i like splendidly as a friend) and now maybe she thinks youre not trustworthy#and maybe she regrets hiring you because you said you feel like youre making a lot of mistakes this week and she might assume thats because#your head is filled with this boy.#so dont make her regret hiring you.#MA'AM I TOLD YOU I WAS ALREADY ANXIOUS BECAUSE I MADE SO MANY MISTAKES TODAY WHY ARE YOU MAKING ME ASHAMED#OF SOMETHING THAT I HONESTLY HAD NO CLUE I OUGHT TO BE ANXIOUS ABOUT AT MY FIRST NEW JOB AFTER IVE GRADUATED????#anyway going to bed i cant take this anymore LOL she said it so lightly and im like. well i never even considered#being afraid of making my boss regret hiring me somehow because of some kind of behaviour that i had no idea was sending some kind of signal#anywaysssss 😭😭😭😭😭😭😭#and then she was like why are you crying?? 💀💀💀💀💀💀💀💀#not to be like this is partly why i didnt want to move home but confound it all why are things like this#can i not simply confide in my mother my anxieties and worriws#worries#and not also have to worry about her potentially being like Well have you considered you ARE right and it IS your fault?#idk man something something firstborn child eldest daughter can i have some room to breathe. please#also not to whine but Not my father walking in on me eating dinner at 10pm because i was holed up#in my room in a semi depressive state after so many gong shows in a work day and straight up having no appetite#but deciding my body needs the food anyway its better late than never.....walking in and then saying#you know if you eat this late you'll gain weight. SIR??????????????????#sorry to complain and rant again i simply cannot in this house and whats more am doing my best to honour my parents#but why is it so hard out here and how can they say stuff like that with a smile!!!!!!!#also i DO have an inner critic who is always like Its your fault you are the worst you should be ashamed always........why do my parents#not understand after knowing me for so long and watching me grow up#that i can make myself so ashamed of the smallest thing so easily and that what they say drives me to shame almost as easily?#ANYWAY LOL WHAT A DAY#you guys!!! i am working so hard i promise i PROMISE I am!!! it is my first full time job ever and i am working so so hard#i am doing my absolute best and no one sees it and that is FINE i just wish my parents would see that i AM trying!!#i come back home so dead every single day because i put in 120%! this is literally my first job after graduation#and my parents KNOW this has been the most exhausting taxing and soul crushing year ive had in my very short life so far
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