#i knew it was gonna happen dont get me wrong
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FINE ill review it DAMN
Review of hellraiser heartbreaker
Playlist:
Murder on the Dancefloor - Sophie Ellis Bextor
Tommy Gun - Royal Republic
Do I Wanna Know - Arctic Monkeys
Tell Me The Truth - Two Feet
Undisclosed Desires - Muse
Jolene - Beyonce
I Wanna Be Yours - Foxy Shazam
Chapter 1.
Yoo lmao young wolvie is like "whats wrong with this guy?" And wades SOOO excited to be beat the shit out of.
"Let my babt boy go >:( you big meanies" ahh wade you silly thing.
Sokay baby boy dawww
Flirty kitty it is
Remeber kiddos introducing two wolverines in a very small area is NOT advised. Young wolvie is like a kitten, his hair going up and growling because hes scared and Logan growling to admit dominance and maturity over him. Jeez lousie.
"Ahahah behave" wade honey I bet logan loves when you defend his place in your life.
Chapter 2.
Oooh what a good start I love how hes sitting here staring at wade because he knows him and logan is NOT having it. He knows what young pups try to do, they try to steal your mate and hes not about to let that happen.
Pfft logan really said "ah hell nah id fuck anything back then im coming too"
THEY FUCKING VAN GOUGHED ME HAS TO BE ONE OF THE BEST LINES EVER
“This is why you’re my favorite.”
Logan tried hard not to smirk at that. He failed.
That right there confirms that wade KNOWS logan is jealous already and is lowkey trying hard not to entice younger wolverine too much because he knows he's gonna kill him.
I should thank Wade then. I should thank him very thoroughly .”
Oh so youve chosen death little one?
"Gotcha you pointy little bitch!" Me at my splinters.
Aww man wade is being so careful with both of them, hes just less careful with you logan cause your younger has a collar on right now thats all.
Did you forget your wade is one of the top mercs there is? He never has NOT gotten a job done, which means handling wolvie with care you stupid old man.
Chapter 3.
Yo he already said no once. Leave it.
He finna kill you, you better start acting right.
“I said no.” There was no hint of playfulness or friendliness there. Just finality. It was enough to make Wolverine back down.
See? I told you. God you little degenerate. You need trained that no means no sheesh.
Yeah those hips are quick but they aint for you
Awwww logan got him rabbits like a good hound dog. Bro really said "man I need to impress my mate lemme go kill some innocent rabbits to eat"
Finding food and showing how reliable he could be to Wade.
“Oh Logan,” that was a new tone from Wade. Affectionate. Directed at Logan. Not at him.
Yes exactly.
Wade brought me home
He sure as fuck did. He might as well collar you with his name on it too. Big strong boy. All jealous of a little inexperienced wolvie. Psshh lets be so for real.
“I don't see a ring, asshole.”
“Don't. Fucking. Touch. Him.”
ALEXA!! PLAY SINGLE LADIES FOR THE EPIC FIGHT THATS ABOUTA HAPPENA
Suddenly, the tip of a katana pushed against Logan’s cheek.
“What did I say about fighting?” Wade panted, his white eyes glaring. There was that seriousness in his voice again. Logan rolled his eyes at him. The katana pushed into Logan’s cheek until a trail of blood came out.
tHIS IS WHAT I KEEP SAYING!! wade does NOT fuck around when it comes to jobs! He was taught and trained to ALWAYS finish the job. Hes terrifying bro I would literally kill myself if I knew this man was after me because id be afraid hed play with me and not kill me fast enough.
Both of you need to settle your shit. I can’t have you guys fucking my mission up
Exhibit B. Do NOT come between an adhd man and his dopamine and his dopamine is finishing missions and getting cash.
Ooh my poor baby though. Like seriously you need a shock collar and maybe neutered bc holy hell no is non existent to you but you just miss your own. Its a shame yours always dies. Its really not fair. But you cant just go stealing other peoples wades either. Hes limited edition baby. If him and his poolcule dont invite you you cant touchy.
Got inspired by PrettyPonyRideToHell’s fic Hellraiser, Heartbreaker
Never knew I needed Worst Wolvie having to deal with his little shit, younger self and with Wade ofc caught in the middle 😌✨
#deadpool and wolverine#poolverine#logan howlett#wade wilson#deadpool#deadpool 3#wolverine#deadclaws#fic review
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Solas: *knows full well that destroying the Veil will release elven gods that he trapped with its creation*
Solas when he sees said elven gods:
#dragon age#dragon age veilguard#dragon age the veilguard#dragon age solas#bioware#dragon age 4#da solas#look dont get me wrong#i like the depth of the terror on his face#inquisition animations could never#but cmon man#you knew this was gonna happen
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google how do i tell my dad that the reason i keep bringing up elon musk's transphobia isn't that i've got gen z political tunnel vision that makes me blind to his "innovation" in electric cars but because i am desperately crying out for you as the father of a trans child to feel just as outraged and angry as i am that that man has so much power
#edit: warning the tags get pretty personal whoops. however tumblr is like a diary to me so. but if discussions of father issues arent for u#it's not anything he's directly said but like. when we talk about it i can tell he's clinging to this like#image of musk as this inventor working for the good of humanity#because he's admired him for a long time and like i get it it's hard to let go of your heroes when it turns out they're trash#but. he's always been trash. is the thing. and i've been saying this.#and it would be nice to feel some solidarity! or support! or empathy idk!#and not like. lectures why tesla is actually progressive or why spacex is the best thing to happen to science since fucking penicillin#and sometimes ppl who push the world towards progress rub people the wrong way#god like. we were in the car the other day talking about it and i mentioned tesla moving to texas bc of the law protecting trans kids#and he mumbled something like well sure yeah he said that but Really... really it's about the taxes......#okay!! who give a shit! that's not the point! the point is that he's got fucking legions of alt right fanboys who hang off his every word#so when he says something that is good for trans people is actually dangerous and bad and hurts kids#and when he openly publicly deadnames and misgenders and LIES about his TRANS DAUGHTER. it's fucking dangerous! and it makes trans people#(IE ME. YOUR CHILD.)#feel unsafe!#it should get you angry! it should make you rethink how you saw him previously! it should make you want to stop supporting him!#idk. i mean my dad has never been like. against me being trans. and he's worked really hard on the pronouns and not deadnaming me#but it's stuff like this where it feels like he doesn't grasp how he's de-prioritizing my perspective as a trans person and.#his Child.#and how his first reaction to me starting t was 'no.. why would you do that :('#it just feels bad. i love him so much but it's shit like this that makes me feel like i don't matter to him or like i'm disappointing him#and then he gets confused when i tell him that i feel that way#wow! sorry for this. i should get serious about finding a therapist i dont think i knew i felt all this until i typed it out#im gonna add a tag at the beginning of this. as a warning. lolololol. lol. anyway#got 2 pick up my t tomorrow and also email my dr for more wellbutrin haha slay! hit the slay button. dispenses ssris.#god i'm so tired sorry i'm delirious actually. also i saw my brother this weekend which was so nice and he's such a weirdo which also#makes me weirder by proxy
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people are really so weird and so fatphobic huh
(and oops most of my commentary is in the tags XD)
#people really out here acting like some chocolate is gonna kill you#idk maybe you should check how stats and data actually work and not just blindly trust things that get it wrong and such#because hate to break it to ya but increased risk does not equal absolute risk#it just increases the risk which is normally only by a small margin and doesnt mean anything in reality because it doesn't mean that it's#absolutely 100% going to happen that's not what risk or increased risk means#anyway this reminds of when a friend of mine took part in a study#and they were like oh yeah you have a 6% chance of a heart attack in the next 10 years#they asked if they lost weight would that decrease by a lot and the person was like uhh by like 1% it's really not the big deal everyone#makes it out to be people are just fatphobic because that's the society we've built that at all times you must be skinny#or you aren't worth anything or worse when people act like you're such a strain on the system#and that you dont deserve to have healthcare like i will scream#everyone needs to stop being so damn weird about it!!!!!!!!!!#it's literally fine it's so literally fine#you know actually thinking about increased risk with alcohol and smoking - to which is totally your choice and up to you btw#i knew someone who smoked like a chimney and drank like a fish and lived to his 70s and died of something completely unrelated#increased risk is just that increased by a certain percentage which is like not a lot in the grand scheme of things to really put it into#perspective when you have like 1 in 100 chance and the increased risk is 100% that just raises it to 2 in 100 which yes is just 1% to 2%#i will scream when people act like food is going to kill you - especially when it gets so bad people act like fruit is bad for you because#of sugar like i will cry i will start sobbing because all of this is why im pretty sure most people have disordered eating#if not full on eating disorders and that's the real concern how our attitudes make people change their behaviours and develop mental health#conditions because society is just so insistent on this one issue that you can't escape it's bad it's so bad and i hope one day#we get past all this and people can just live how they want without others getting on their backs#fatphobic people are the reason why so many people i know think they're worthless and ugly and i just that's so upsetting to me and yes yes#there's the major issues like doctors ignoring symptoms in favour of just lose weight! and then just send people into the world with 0 help#in that oh and oops now they've got an eating disorder when the problem in the first place was not weight <.<#and even if it was (which it rarely ever is) it's like okay where's the help then because there is no help and then study after study is#like oh btw dieting doesnt work lol and then what do you do what do you do im gonna start screaming hdfghsdfg#anyway sorry these tags are long im just so tired and so frustrated at the world and i hope one day people get over themselves
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Well that was... unsettling...
#ariaplays: isat#isat spoilers#bro i was like wondering where it was gonna go wrong at that part after i beat the king cuz i was like: aint no way its over yet?#and i was having such a good time talking to everyone cuz i thought siffrin gonna get killed by a trap after that room or smth#AND THEN! euphrasie just suddenly looked so devastated and the music got so distorted and she knew siffrin's name (how?)#and like oooooohhhh mygod what was that. and now im at act 3 back in the meadow and siffrin ououououghghgh.......#siffrin telling mira a lie bout a silly nightmare like i legit saw that split second timeframe in which he decided to just lie#ouououghghghg painful bro. painful. but the most painful part is that id have to beat the king again orz......#it took me AWHILE to beat that guy. he killed me like TWICE with his hp down to the quarter and i refused to let that count to the loop#cuz i didnt wanna lose my bomb and yea sure tbf i couldve just equipped the memory for it but like-- siffrin's extra hp tho#and if it was possible to kill the king without having to loop and lose the bomb i crafted then id take that chance#it was a terrible experience tho. i had to exit the game itself to reload a save for that. first defeat happened cuz i THOUGHT#he'd only do that deadly attack ONCE and i had the shield on cooldown when he did it the 2nd time and uuuuggghhhh#2nd battle was the worst my rng during then was ASS everyone was in life support cuz the king kept BUFFING HIMSELF#and i couldnt use the shield cuz i cant count the turns. i dont even know how to and even if i could my memory cant keep up#and with the king buffing himself. the tears reducing my team's def. it was the worst possible combination like bro...#and now im in act 3 and gonna have to fight him again ouououuoghhghghghhg..... ill try and level up everyone before that fight then....#everyone was at 50 by the king's fight (except for siff ofc he was at 59 i think?). i know i can get the others at 52 tho
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vegeterian corndogs and sausage on a stick u r my kryptonites
#ik i spelled vegetarianrn wrong but idc#anyways i literally just confirmed my death w the stars n like#I WAS RIGHT ALL ALONGGGGGG I KNEWWW FROM THE GET GO!!!#n ppl tried to make me seem crazy 'ohhh ur fine its not gonna happen to u blahblah ur gonna live forever bc u said u wont haha'a'a#ANUBIS IS LITERALLLLYYYY IN MY 6th HOUSE!!!!!!!! LIKE LITERALLY SITTING RIGHT THERE BETWEEN NEPTUNE AND URANUS LOL#this astrobthc was like 'wooooo be carefulllllll dont go seeking death or else death will seek u everyday ooooooo'#n im like first of all ive been obsessed w finding out my demise for the last 5 years tbh#i already had like a theory in mind ive just been looking for confirmation for a while AND NOW IM P SURE I GOT MY CONFIRMATION#the god of death AKA ANUBIS AKA the asteroid that represents sewerslide is in my 6th house AKA house of health otherwise known as#a literal fucking dumspter fire in my case#i started researching cancer/medical in the chart n am finding mind correlations btwn my sources n my chart#AND ALSOOOOO MY MOM'S CHART!! but even moreso w mine bc my 6th house n its occupants/rulers are so fuckedddd lollzlzkzfnkd#rahu ketu as well..........its not fair why is being a leo rising so beautiful yet so full of suffering huh??#u can shit talk leos all u want like personally i love leos but there is a COMPLETE difference ebtween sun vs asc leos n like#asc leos continuously encounter traumatic experiences from birth to death but are extremely resilient (or at least they appear so outwardly)#its not fair these people who are literally so beautiful n full of life and potential are dragged thru the fckin mud and concrete n for why.#like marilyn monroe has a leo ASC n a 8th house pisces cusp like me lolz#anyways idc wht that tiktok girl said bc its not like i 'went seeking' for answers blindly like ive BEEN SEEKING for years and i KNEW#what i was looking for n when i found it i was just like YOOOO I KNEW IT it was literally just confirmation for something i KNEW ok#anubis can come stalk me all he wants but like bro ur not slick i knew u were coming for me since like 6th grade lmao#anubis is kinda hot tbh maybe we can like fall in love idk probs not bc im ltierally ugly n insane n not his type but like idk#anyways!!!!!! thats enough otuta me lol#i think im gonna go back to therapy JUST so i can talk about my birth chart interpretations w my therapist lolll#astro vents
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CHRIST. Worst way to wake up but I'm glad you escaped your mom's notice 💀💀💀Prior to getting caught up in sending you Bullshit, I wanted to say Yeah Uh. Arakawa's backstory as a whole has got HANDS even for people who've never been there but. At one point my dad and I were supposed to go see a movie as my Peking Duck Moment but my mom flew off the handle at something or another, which escalated into threatening my dad and I with a bladed weapon. So I completely get what you mean with it being hard to sit through. The mocap goes so hard in that scene too... which isn't to say anything (more) on the Horrors Of The Cycle like EXACTLY
But yeah, if nothing else, I'm thankful we've both had people to turn to and that we can have that understanding. It's definitely been less isolating getting to talk to people with similar experiences over the years And While I'm Too Awkward To Do Anything With That... I do feel understood...
Also. It Sure Is Annoying As Hell. To Be Part Of A Wiki. I've been trying to fix this all day like bro what are you on about 😭genuinely 😭 why is the timeline completely fabricated to the point of sounding like it's written by AI😭😭😭
NOOO I WOULDVE ACTUALLY THROWN HANDS THAT SHITS THE WORST i'm so sorry you had to go through that, esp RIGHT before a nice evening (;´༎ຶД༎ຶ`)(;´༎ຶД༎ຶ`) its hard tryin to move on from Events Like That and just in general having a bad mom, but yeah im glad we at least have people to talk to or places to vent bout it, so it's not TOTALLY a suffocatin experience to have. its manageable, at least (❁´◡`❁)
the wiki sure don't sound manageable dawg what IS THIS timeline. it'd be one thing if it was just the date wrong but getting the whole order of events backwards is catastrophic ☠️☠️
#snap chats#i fell asleep again oops sorry for the delay（；´д｀）#god no but real... that sucks so much. like i dont think i need to go on a rant bout how much it sucks#its a terrible feeling and during moments like that you just gonna get violent right. like you SHOULDNT but the urge is there...#in any case. to lighten things up before i go on a tangent. i AM gonna get violent at who's editing this portion of the wiki fjLVKJLAEK#I MEAN THAT DOES REMIND ME ABOUT HOW I DID ONCE ASK/JOKE ABOUT LIKE#'lmao what if the murder happened before ichi got back to the office thered be two murderst that night' BUT#BUT MATE DONT PEN THAT AS WHAT HAPPENED#WHOS IN THERE RN GETTIN THIS OUT OF ORDER kill them !!!!#i need. food. my head hurts and people getting events wrong is not helping#like i aint nooo perfect bitch either We Been Knew but i at least know the order of events of the beginning of the game right 😭😭
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genuinely tho me jumping right into reading volume 9 of trimax and then volume 10 (and then most of the rest of the manga) on the night before i had a presentation at 9:30 am (that was entirely not prepared) was literally one of the most unhinged decisions ive ever made
this is what a hyperfixation does to a person
#speculation nation#like that experience was transcendent. i will NEVER be repeating it again but it sure was something#crying 5 times in a night chugging my monster perusing the wolfwood tag tearfully as i listen to the same sad song on repeat for an hour#struggling to get myself to work on the presentation but continuously going back to the manga bc it was SOOO GOOOD#me being like 'im gonna need a few days to process and heal' after reading volume 10 but then after an hour just. starting reading more.#gettign only 2 hours of sleep bc i was like 'ok i need to recover from crying Five Times and then i will focus entirely on this'#literally what is wrong with me lmfao. this sure was something.#this was literally just last week. i can hardly believe it.#this happened on tuesday/wednesday. i spent wednesday recovering. then on thursday i was like 'ok time to write'#there was hardly ANY wait time before i jumped into my next writing project#bc i had the idea after volume 10 but waited until i finished the manga to see where would be the best time to implement it#& that shit with the plants was the PERFECT time. i knew as soon as it happened that That was what i was gonna use.#wrote chapter 1 within a day (while working) then chapter 2 within a day (while working)#then chapter 3 within 2 days (while working AND doing family stuff)#guys i havent had a proper day off of work in over a week bc i covered on tuesday and came in on wednesday and covered on sunday#uhm. sunday before yesterday. i think my last day off was actually uh. the thursday before? a week and a half ago.#and im not getting a day off until thursday. two whole goddamned weeks. i am having a fucking time for sure.#and what do you know that coincides with The Time. oh i dont think it was even thursday. when the fuck was my last day off#uhmmm. oh haha it was that tuesday. aka the 18th. i havent had a goddamned day off since the 18th.#head in my hands. i am losing my fucking mind.#literally unhinged. and it makes sooo much sense now lmfao.
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...
#looking at the notes ppl in the lab let me on my birthday card. it seems ppl think i should chill the fuck out lmao#a lot were like RELAX!!! and ya kno objectively theyre right but i refuse to listen bc theres something wrong in my head#sigh. i survived the day at least. the timed measurements r done on this experiment. thank christ. and my birthday gathering as so#i dont kno. it was kinda funny and kinda sad i guess. bc i knew it was gonna happen and i didnt want it to but i was like fine. ill meet#at 4. and i expected it to b in the conference room but they set up outside the lab around the corner. so they did kinda surprise me#location wise i guess. i cant imagine what expression i was making. it felt like a pained smile but idk. i had to go back to take#measurements every 4min so i was standing there with a plate full of ice creame cake. kinda away from everyone while they talked. staring#at my phone timer as it ticked down and abruptly leaving when i had to log a measurement. i was basically a non entity while there. which#was kinda idea bc i have too much hurt inside to talk to ppl right now. as evidence by my phone call with my parents when i got home. im#just kinda a bummer to exist around rn. idk maybe i should apologize to my boss bc i kno im not an easy person to do things for#and i really do appreciate the effort. its just hard when i kno how much stress its going to cause me for someone to attempt to do#something they think will b nice. so idk i just feel bad. but its over. and idk what ill do tomorrow. i should do stuff for when i move#like my dad was like: u should prioritize ur future stuff. and hes objectively right. they think i should get a studio apartment which#would b expensive as fuck but i will destroy myself if i have roommates. idk. theres lots still to do bc i have to get a ton of data#processed by the end of the week bc i have 8 days of measurement on another project that needs to get done by may 14th when i leave for#vacation. which my mom was like did u buy ur tickets for next month and i was like. hm how do i ask where im supposed to buy tickets to#without giving away that i dont kno what ur talking abt? bc apparently im going to a wedding? wtf do i wear to a wedding?#idk. i guess im just kinda sad bc this month has been really hard. i made it hard for no reason bc theres something wrong in my head and#that hurt has nowhere to go bc i cant even give anyone an honest account of how awful it was bc its like what r they gonna do abt it?#anything i say is just worrying bc i cant seem to stop myself who whats the point in talking abt it. but idk humans r social creatures so#when im in pain at least part of me wants someone to brush my hair and acknowledge my pain and tell me itll b ok#but idk. the idea of that happening is different from the reality where i seem to opperate at a different frequency to other people. we#just dont seem to properly connect. idk. idk what ill do tomorrow. im afraid to loosen my grip on my schedule bc i might fall to piece#pieces without the pressure. well see. lets home my 26th year is better than my 25th was. bc last year sucked#hope* lets hope that was my low point. bc that was not a fun time and im worry to take account of thr damage done#unrelated
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...so that was awful. anyone wanna rewatch haikyuu with me
#okay but im gonna. word vomit abt the dsmp for a bit in the tagsr#i spent close to two years fixated on it. sometimes it felt like my whole life revolved around it man it was bad#one of my sketchbooks is literally FILLED with dsmp fanart. i didnt even do it on purpose its just that it literally took up every waking#thought i ever had and every time i drew anything it was them#i knew every single little detail about everything that ever happened on that server ever#i still do#but recently ive just been moving away from it#just like. naturally. you have to move on from things eventually no matter how good they were#the one thing that stuck by me tho is the themes in the dsmp#and between the characters dynamics w each other and their environments and their narratives#even after that whole shitshow i still like looking back on all that cuz it was genuienly great. intentional or not#but thats why the ending infuriates me so much#aside from the fact that its jsut cheap and awful and has no regard to the characters theyve spent years crafting and we've spent years#caring about and the fact that it just gave the complete wrong message about abusers and victims#oh and the fact that ccdream is literally awful#it threw all of those themes completely out the window#i am UNINTERESTED in the plot and storyline of the dsmp. it was the themes that i cared about and they couldnt even do THAT justice#it pisses me off#but whatever. i dont wanna look back on this bitterly in the future i rly enjoyed my time in that fandom even if i could never go back#so. ill get over it#dsmp#neg#negativity#discourse#<- jic
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Have you ever been assumed to be romantically attracted to someone and even just the thought of that makes you want to throw up . Anybody
#had someone's husband in my dms going on about how i want this bitch romantically and frankly if i hadn't been so busy crying i would've#actually thrown up . absolutely disgusting idea . vile even . horrid concept#anyway tldr im down a best friend because he didn't tell me anything i was doing was wrong after telling me that everything was okay and#then sent his husband after me to call me a creep that was obsessed with him that also apparently tried to make out w him#the same trip that my best friend of five years told me he hated having me in his hometown to see him graduate.#this was after i found out my cat had been murdered and mutilated and thrown in my granma's garden . that day happened to be my birthday#because my ma was kind enough to drive me and my lil brother down there to go see him graduate bc he was also supposed to move in w us the#month after . and he told me right after i got home that he 'didn't think it would be good for our relationship' and apparently#just didn't know how to tell me until a month before it was supposed to happen . bonkers times over here#anyway i didn't want to make out with him . he cried after i wouldn't have sex w him just last december . which i specifically got high as#shit to avoid . and i dont even have like. actual examples of what i was doing wrong to go off of so now i just get to live in mystery#forever ig. like shocker that the person that's been my best friend for five years would tell his husband to say that to me and not say that#shit to me himself . this is a wild to me . i feel like im going insane . can anybody even hear me what's going on#you know its bad when your mama gets so sick of you crying over a friend that she hugs you for the first time in years#also i cant sleep my head hurts . crying is evil . devils liquid . might watch rpdr or something . still nauseous over the idea of being#into him romantically btw . like still nauseous over that . like what a fucking insult to our entire friendship#does saying that we may as well have been made of the same atoms mean like . nothing . does nothing ive said to or about him not mean anythi#ng if its not romantic in nature . what did i do that wasnt enough for him. i fucking told him he outgrew me and that was fine i just#wanted to know if we were still friends or not and he said we were and i believed him. if he told me the sky was green i would make it so#ripping my hair out . am i being dramatic . am i the only person that wasn't expecting this . am i the only one that didn't know#when i had to tell people who knew about the moving plans that he changed his mind the first fucking thing i was told was “i thought it migh#t happen.“ WELL I FUCKINH DIDN'T . AND NOBODY TOLD ME#this is like . the second most humiliating moment of my life . aside from movinggate because at least nobody irl has to know about this#anyway . this boy could've taken my blood and i'd sit there and smile while he did it because he was my best friend .#i was so glad we got to grow up together. i miss him already. im taking my little brother to school my myself for the first time and all im#gonna wanna do is tell him about it . im tired . i want to sleep . im still so nauseous . did none of it mean anything just because ive#never and will never like him romantically. does that make everything less worthy somehow#i hope he never talks to me again. i dont think i could handle this again. he let is fucking husband say that shit to me. not him.#puppmeo misery
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impulse to become in influencer not for recognition but so that people like me can see someone not feel gross abt themselves for simply existing
#bc WOW have ppl on instagram literally just existing helped me w that#all this talk abt ig ruining peoples body image like.. yall are actually just following the wrong ppl?#i think its So beneficial to follow ppl who you think are a little wierd#bc over time after seeing them more they’ll stop being weird#strange not as a deragetory word but bc theres not rlly a better word for ‘i havent seen x y z enough for it to be in my scope od normal’#being unsure about stuff you dont know anything about is normal but that cant stop u from getting to knowing it#like yeah if i wear wack outfits ppl are gonna look at me bc theyre not used to that. but what if they were#isnt that a better world to be in?#anyway#sometimes the only way to learn is through experience#hashtag man learns what empathy is/j#(like duh i knew before lmao but idk maybe its that my brain is actually developing. like i can feel it happen)#rambles
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lightly defending Toshiro while also fully understanding Laois frustrations. as a bitch who let teachers call me the wrong name all through high school cos it was kinda funny
#toy txt post#i knew it wasnt their fault they just dealt with So Many Names and i couldve corrected them and i used to#but the thing is that it just kept happening w so many teachers??#so i was like fine whatever idc that much. but also they did usually remember my name if there was someone in the class who actually#had the wrong name they usually called me. i think bc it would stick in their heads more since they had to differentiate so instead of#looking at me and going [letter] name......[common name starting with that letter that isnt mine]#theyd look at me and go [letter name].....but theres 2 names in that class with that letter and theyre different and this one is Not the#easy more common one. [gets name correct]#what really would throw me is when theyd try a DIFFERENT but i think still more common name with the same letter and then lile#like*. sorry bud im not used to that one i cant help u there#my favorite was the print production teacher who USUALLY GOT MY NAME RIGHT (i think smaller class size helped?)#who called me the more common one that im not used to and then stared at me in puzzlement and he was like#why did i do that. thats not your name. and i was just like lmao idk bro#anyway. this has been a really annoying way to discuss this event without actually revealing my name but#its not quite a deadname now but like. as far as yall are concerned im Toy. if you know me irl you almost certainly know it tho#and if youve been following me long enough you could probably know it cos i was less careful about it when i was younger#if youre like burningly curious and we're mutuals u can dm me ig and ill tell u just dont call me that lol#oh if u have me on fb u know it for sure unless u forgot and you see me (rare and unlikely on fb) nd youre like who the fuck is that#it probably wouldnt be hard to guess even. but whatever. if u feel the need to guess (why) just do me a favor and do it via#dm or ask or smth lmao#ALSO: uhhh i try not to tag this anymore cos it feels like its not coming across the way its intended and it has a weird vibe to tag these#days but i feel like this post could use the 'Im a white person this experience im referencing is with a layer of white privilege#and i understand that for many ppl of color or ppl with non english names this happens and its less funny#altho i think due to the vastness of human experience there are probably ppl with non english names who have this happen but it doesnt#affect them strongly and they just laugh it off and part of me wonders how much of that has to do with how much you LIKE and Identify with#your given name WHICH i ALSO recognize can be a more nuanced experience for someone with a non english name thats like#got cultural significance ETC. okay THERE. the annoying disclaimer that pisses everyone off bc everyone HATES disclaimers now.#just imagine. i could be writing these disclaimers for a FICTIONAL ROMANCE BOOK IVE WRITTEN. and wouldnt#that piss you off more? new disclaimer to piss you off more: i understand this is my personal blog and im not obligated to provide a#fuck i was gonna do another disclaimer as a bit but i ran out of tags! fuck okay bye. youll have to make up the joke disclaimer
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looking thru old stuff finds like ..ok people lost interest in my stuff & wouldnt engage in it & i expressed my sadness with that & looking thru i realize why i started to dislike it it was cuz like...looking thru old stuff my friends WERE engaged...so i wonder wat happened. like idk what variable changed iti couldve been me or them who knows! time, boredom, being more vague, idk..ill never really know cuz i can only look thru old stuff that i have like (like my server). its just a little sad cuz i kept wondering why i missed these friends but i was like oh i miss them for what they used to be. & whatever reason they changed sucks whether it was my fault or the environment or social reason etc etc. i feel like my delusion probably did not help & at least partly led to the alienation which sux...i already feel rly lonely with whatever i have. not gonna use labels cuz idk what it is. but even when hes with me all the time it can still feel hollow sometimes. & people leave because they dont understand or theyre scared etc etc. it just kinda proves a point that i cant be open about whats happening to me cuz its scary to people. except maybe my partner who lacks a lot of judgment for not only me but for like everyone which i envy a lot i wish i could look at ppl neutrally like that. but i still feel guilt over this stupid thing i cant control & it sux cuz its not as easy as just ..stopping it (which idk how i would even do) i also need to tackle issues around it like how im like if i lose him i will die so like how can i be at a point where if i did theoretically did lose him i wouldnt feel so lost & miserable. im struggling to get back to therapy cuz i lack a lot of the tiime & im kind of in this era where im like if . i just ignore it. i can be normal!!! (my panic attacks have been increasing oops.
#i like..i wish i could go back & read al lthe interactions cuz i want to study the conversations#ermmm average communication studies major#no but rly ii wanna go back & criticize what i said#like omfg i found this screenshot of me where i said “i apologize if i” & i was like NOOOOO. I did the notorious cringe fail apology#IT WAS THIS YEAR TOO#i was like oh my goddh...i thought i knew better#(sick green emoji)#stuff liek that...#i know i said sooo much wrong#omfg. i can be a rly passive aggressive/aggressive bitch!!!#so i like looking back on stuff i did & critiquing it so i know what to do better next time#but it sux when ....i have very little of it#im like i get rreally um..“respectful”?? or i try to be of priavcy to like a kind of compulsive degree#where im like ok i know this is wrong but im not gonna screenshot cuz they deserve their privacy#but now im like ughhh idk what i said or someone said cuz my memory is bad & i dont wanna make up lies in my head about others or myself#i dont wanna be like “well i didnt do this!” if i did! or “they did this” if they didnt i think thats understandable#but bad memory. unfortunately i think i just need to get better about...gathering screenshots. ugh#idk. i feel horrible about. feels like im just building a storage of blackmail & it feels wrong. like i thought they were my friends & we#used to be but even though it was inevitable & slowly happening & it didnt come out of nowhere i dont think i really noticed it was going t#happen until it was too late#oh well....i know i did something wrong ill just have to think about it based on the stuff i have. & i know some unfortunate stuff happened#to me too so i still only have what i have#im not interesting in making this public call out material ii just wanted it for my personal improvement & to use in therapy so ya#GLOOMY.TXT#HOKO.EXE#11/07/2023
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Mental illness canceled 👍
Unfortunately I have to write a program today :| or at least however much to get my presentation for tomorrow ready.
Ugh
#speculation nation#mental illness canceled bc i have now received enough attention that i am no longer doom refreshing my stats page#i had to force myself into bed to get myself to Stop Doing That. give the ppl time to read! geeze#but yea my presentation is tomorrow and im covering two hours today (today was supposed to be my day OFF)#i covered two hours on sunday too and.i have tomorrow off too but im gonna be coming in to do the tips distribution#aka no true days off for meeeeee (sobbing)#this is just what happens tho. i knew dealing with The Situation at work would suck#and i still stick to my dedication to make sure those poor girls dont have to work. but#ugh. i still hate sacrificing my days off.#at least shorter work days r Basically like days off. if i go in for only 2 hours it's like i havent worked at all!#(there is something wrong with me)#anywaaaays im alive im okay and im.gonna eat. corn fogs#DOGS god. corn dogs.#i remembered i bought some with last groceries. man it sure would be nice if i had clean dishes tho.#i'll figure smth out. im gonna get myself to do them soon.
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