#and i still stick to my dedication to make sure those poor girls dont have to work. but
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Mental illness canceled 👍
Unfortunately I have to write a program today :| or at least however much to get my presentation for tomorrow ready.
Ugh
#speculation nation#mental illness canceled bc i have now received enough attention that i am no longer doom refreshing my stats page#i had to force myself into bed to get myself to Stop Doing That. give the ppl time to read! geeze#but yea my presentation is tomorrow and im covering two hours today (today was supposed to be my day OFF)#i covered two hours on sunday too and.i have tomorrow off too but im gonna be coming in to do the tips distribution#aka no true days off for meeeeee (sobbing)#this is just what happens tho. i knew dealing with The Situation at work would suck#and i still stick to my dedication to make sure those poor girls dont have to work. but#ugh. i still hate sacrificing my days off.#at least shorter work days r Basically like days off. if i go in for only 2 hours it's like i havent worked at all!#(there is something wrong with me)#anywaaaays im alive im okay and im.gonna eat. corn fogs#DOGS god. corn dogs.#i remembered i bought some with last groceries. man it sure would be nice if i had clean dishes tho.#i'll figure smth out. im gonna get myself to do them soon.
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Boyfriend! Jaehyun
#5 of Boyfriend! Series
Taeil | Johnny | Taeyong | Yuta | Kun | Doyoung | Ten | Jaehyun | WinWin | Jungwoo | Lucas | Mark | Xiao Jun | Hendery | Renjun | Jeno | Haechan | Jaemin | Yang Yang | Chen Le | Jisung
A/N: I honestly didn’t mean to be biased but i’m so soft because i love jaehyun so much so this boyfriend! would be much longer than the rest. i love all the members but im so sorry i got carried away ㅠㅠ
Word Count: 2,349 Style/ Genre: Headcanon/ very fluffy Date Posted: 7 Sept 2017
omg i'm already soft at the thought of this
i'm just gonna imagine the loml being my real bf now to make things easier and fluffier
so can you imagine jaehyun
THE jung yoonoh being your boyfriend
omg it'd be so adorable and fluffy?
i'll not talk about the confession as i'll leave that for a future series
but after jaehyun confesses to you
he'd be so shy???
like his head would be bowed
arms awkwardly by his side
not knowing what to do with them so he holds onto the ends of his fingertips instead
but when you revealed you like him to and agreed to be in a relationship with him
his head would snap upwards towards you
at first looking really confused
but when your words fully registered into his head
a huge grin would just morph onto his face
that adorable grin that i can never get sick of
and he'll pull you by the wrist and enveloped you into a hug, burying his head into your neck/ shoulder, grin never leaving his face
and both of you would walk out of the venue hand in hand
it was a new but warm and fuzzy feeling
but you liked it
jaehyun would be one of the sweetest and goofiest boyfriends in nct
both of you would still be in high school
and you would go to every of his basketball matches and singing competitions
before every match and competition though he would make sure he meets you
claiming that you were his lucky charm
and that the match or competition wouldn't go well without you
even if it were a mere 5 minutes
he would want to meet you
both of you would be outside the gymnasium/ backstage and he would be taking your hand in his, head looking down and nervously fiddling with your fingers
you would squeeze his hand from time to time to reassure him that he’d do well
and he’ll up at you with those wavering and jittery eyes
omg how precious
and he’ll pull you in for a hug
that hug would give jaehyun all the strength that he needed tbh
he would have felt so energised
he would only reluctantly break away from the hug when it was absolutely time to go
but not forgetting to peck you on your cheeks or your lips before running off
probably leaving you blushing over there
jaehyun would really enjoy bringing you out for dates
i mean he would be a sucker for dates man
from those really simple lunch dates
to those extravagant special surprise dates that he may or may not have spent a few weeks preparing
let’s start with lunch dates
! ! !
honestly, jaehyun would be the type of boyfriend who would be fine with just eating fast food with you
i mean
broke teens
broke young adults
poor souls
ain’t gonna waste money on abalone or some shit on a daily basis
i mean being realistic here right
uall are still high school kids in this scenario
so jaehyun’s gonna be super goofy yet sweet
he would be teasing you with the fries
“(Y/N)~ Ah, here’s your fry~”
//extends his hand out with fry, only to swiftly pop it into his mouth when it was right about to enter mouths//
“Aw (Y/N), don’t be sad~~ I’ll feed you another”
well let’s just say you never got that fry
in fact, jaehyun probably snatched like 80% of your fries
“You’re so cute (Y/N)~ I’m so glad I found you hehe”
and he would pinch your pouting cheeks lovingly, with that sickeningly cute smile on his face
as revenge, you would purposely only buy one ice cream cone
none for jaejae
ey but jaejae is a darejae
omg that was lame
okay but
you may put on a mocking expression as you savoured your ice cream cone, seating opposite jaehyun
looking at jaehyun who had a frown on his face as he eyed your ice cream cone
and also your lips
suddenly he may let out a frustrated sigh and suddenly gets up
reaching over to your side of the table with his body
and suddenly giving you a peck
which became much longer than expected
stunning you in position
before you could react jaehyun had taken a huge swig of your ice cream
eating like half of the ice cream and some of the cone
chuckling as he licked his lips covered with ice cream
and when you finally recovered to your senses you could only realise in dismay and horror that half of your ice cream was gone
rip ice cream
and jaehyun would be sticking his tongue out at you
what a child
but a cute and seriously handsome one
okay now for the more extravagant dates
honestly, i would think that he would have planned something special for your school prom
promposal was probably one of the cutest things
with jaehyun being one of the smartest in the batch he would have come out with a really smart promposal
it happened in math class
and the teacher was going through trigonometry, asking if anybody wanted to volunteer to demonstrate the steps to an exercise question
jaehyun raised his hand, which was kind of shocking because despite being one of the smartest of students, jaehyun might be shy in raising his hands in class
but this time he raised his hand up confidently, causing you to just look at him with amusement
however, you didn’t think too much about it, looking down at your notebook again to work on the same question
when you finally let out an exasperated sigh, giving up on the complicated question
cheers began to erupt and your classmates started clapping loudly
numerous of your classmates started turning their heads to look at you with wide grins on their faces and you’re just like ?????
until you saw the board
jaehyun was standing beside the board
fiddling with his fingers nervously again, a sheepish yet hopeful grin on his face
shy, twinkling eyes looking up at you
beside him, in perfect black marker ink
“(Y/N), girl/boy, you got me SIN(ghing) COS of your beauty. You’re so beautiful inside and out, I’m so glad and blessed we both atTANded this school, because I get to meet you at one point, and I have no regrets. Instead of staying tangent to each other and only crossing at one point, let’s be parallel and never leave each other’s side. Prom, with me?”
i swear you probably would’ve cringed by the time you read that finish
but there would be some tears in your eyes
and your cheeks would hurt from your grin
because that was one of the sweetest and cringiest thing someone had ever done for you, even from Jaehyun
you wouldn’t even realise that the whole class was staring at you anticipating your response
and when you nodded your head, the whole call burst into cheers
even your teacher was clapping gleefully
and jaehyun would walk back to both of your seats, enveloping you in a hug
i mean it was only a promposal but you loved it
since you felt every inch of Jaehyun’s sincerity
but that wasn’t the surprise yet
the surprise comes on the day of prom
both of you would be dressed splendidly ( i mean jAEHYUN IN A TUX IS LIKE WOAHHHHHH)
and both of you would be slow dancing to a song,
when suddenly jaehyun turned back to look at the wall clock, abruptly excusing himself and saying that he would be right back
but he left you stranded, so you just awkwardly stayed in your place, not knowing what to do
suddenly the slow dance song transited into this soft pop ballad instrumental and you could hear the voiceover of a familiar voice
“(Y/N), she was the one that made me feel myself, even at the times i felt like i wasn’t myself. she was the one that understood me the best and stood by me during my difficulties, even when i had trouble trying to handle them myself. she’s more than i could ask for, and this is for her.”
and suddenly jaehyun neatly clad in his tux would step onto the middle of the stage
grabbing the microphone
and starts to sing a self composed song
some of the lyrics were words that Jaehyun and you said to each other
some of them were about the times both of you spent together
some of them were just jaehyun’s pure confession of his feelings for you
but all of them were part of his declaration of love to you
you were entranced in the song
but also in jaehyun’s eyes
he would have his eyes fixated on you throughout the song
as if he was pouring his heartfelt confession to you
but in front of the whole school
as if ascertaining his love for you
as if telling the whole world of his dedication and commitment to you, and to ward off anybody else who wanted to break the both of you apart
but both of you knew that your bond was formidable
it was strong
and everyday when you look at jaehyun with the same expression of adoration and love, you just knew in your heart that both of your feelings were unwavering, and would be for a long time
okay let’s end this mini scenario and get on
jaehyun could be a jerk face boyfriend sometimes since he would love to tease you
but most of the time he would be gentlemanly and really sweet
like even on his most stressed out and busy days, he would make sure he reserved some time for you
maybe just a daily text message conversation, face timing, phone calls, or just a casual trip to your house
tbh he would really care for you
even if you call him at 3am in the morning because of a panic attack or something was troubling you
he would be patient despite being woken up from his slumber
but he wouldn’t be able to go back to sleep knowing that you weren’t feeling great either
so he would talk to you all morning, until both of you were exhausted
and when you finally felt better and more at ease
he would hum you a soft tune as you feel yourself falling deeper
into his love
i’M STAYING UP I DONT WANNA COME DOWN FROM YOUR LOVE
okay ten you had your solo this is jae’s spotlight
i’M SORRY MY DEAR BIAS THE LOML NEEDS TO SHINE
jaehyun would just die for skinship though
hugs! hugs! hugs!!! everywhere!!!!
piggybacks!! arm hooking!!! cuddling!!!!
and kisses everywhere
on your cheeks
lips
forehead
jaw
neck
palm
hand
!!!!!
but not sick okay it’s just a sign of love
handholding almost every time both of you are together
if you’re significantly shorter than him than he’d have a arm slung around your shoulder
if you’re around his height range then he would have a hand gently rested along the curvature of your spine
eep yass!! and uall will have bookshop dates
we all know how jaehyun likes books
he’ll definitely invite you to his favourite bookshops one day
and both of you would find yourself lost in the world of books
he may play games with you in the bookshop
hiding behind books and surprising you
which you would hit his shoulder playfully, chiding him for disturbing the other readers and buyers in the store
he would introduce you to his favourite books
hoping you would come to love them just as much as he does
it’ll just be this really cozy and comfy bookstore date
omg i’d love that tbh like asdfghjkl
and you can totally count on jamming to music with jug jarhyun
jaehyun imitations of the dances would be hilarious
like those on nct night night
and you’d find yourself laughing at how funny yet cute jaehyun was
and now, the part on fights
jaehyun and you probably will fight
it might just be a small misunderstanding or a small difference in personality
or maybe something as small as the change in jaehyun’s or your job shift
jaehyun might express his unhappiness directly most of the times, hoping that maybe you could do something to resolve the cause of his unhappiness
but your stubbornness may get the better of you and rebut jaehyun instead
it might end up in a minor argument
but it would be really seldom or rare that both of you would be involved in a major fight
some of the times though, jaehyun may just conceal his unhappiness, thinking that it would be for the best
for example, when a close guy friend of yours seem to be subtly flirting with you yet you don’t notice
jaehyun may simply grit his teeth and not say a word
because he knew how much you treasured your friendships
especially those with really close friends
but soon you would realise jaehyun was being unusually quiet
and notice how hardened and stiff his jaw was
and you may consult him
a little talk between the both of you would usually resolve any unhappiness or misunderstanding
understanding and trust would play really important roles in your relationship
but tbh, being in a relationship with jaehyun as your boyfriend would be really assuring
jaehyun would love cooking for you from time to time too
i mean his cooking isn’t bad
and he liked experimenting with food too
and he internally thanked his mum for teaching him her recipes
because he got to cook special dishes for you, his special girl
hehe
he might be playful and cocky at times
but he would also be really sweet and caring as a boyfriend
smiles would be something you would never miss on a daily basis
except for when jaehyun was out and not with you :-(
and everyday this cute little boy would just light up your life!!
please continue loving and supporting this cute little boy because i would hehe
i love him
[unedited] it’s midnight here while i’m typing this and my correct grammar doesn’t come out at night so pardon the grammatical errors
#nctwriters#neoculturenet#nct#nct u#nct 127#nct dream#jaehyun#jung jaehyun#jung yoonoh#jaehyun scenario#nctimagery boyfriend! series#nct imagine#nct scenario#nct reaction#nct fanfic#kpop#kpop fanfic#kpop imagine#kpop scenario#kpop reaction#taeil#johnny#yuta#taeyong#doyoung#ten#winwin#renjun#mark#haechan
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Thoughts Into a Void-Art & Depression
This is me... organizing things for myself to get back into the swing of things. It’s a little disjointed, but it.. writing things out like this, reflecting, always helps me. It’s not sad and woe is me like.
Taking any time to share a thought and having the power of the internet to spread that to numerous people is amazing.
There’s a disconnect for me somewhere along the line. The platforms I use, while some are made for stories and comics and others aren’t, there’s just something inherently frustrating about spooling out one large cohesive sum. Not just as a reader, I assure you it’s frustrating as a creator too.
When I first learned people make and share their own comics online I was floored. I’d been writing stories and making doodles with them all my life. Ten years ago I shared my first page to the internet. Here it is.
I love realism with a hint of magic or sci-fi, and maybe you can blame Temix for that, but I realized something about that single page; “Why was it only one?” I asked on the forums how people on that site go about posting to make sure people were keeping up and remembering what was happening between posts. My art was crude (for being a young self taught teen artist), but very well intended; and it took me twelve goddamn hours to complete over the course of a week.
A lot of what people said was to have a schedule, people who like your story/art will stick around and remember. I heard a few people agree that webcomics had more dedicated fans, because you posted once or twice a week they would spend a little more time looking at the available pages.
That didn’t seem.. Right to me. I did the same with real comics and manga. If I liked it, once I was done I’d look back through the art... And how could posting a page at a time be beneficial to anyone? One could show consistency and integrity in a schedule with a several page post once a month or one full chapter every several weeks. It boggled me.
I kept drawing though, because I didn’t have several pages to share at a time. I tried my best to post once a week. I worked 50 hours as a manager at the time, so the ten hours I was spending on these pages was a huge investment. After a year I burned myself out...
Part of it was that I didn’t have the artistic skill to depict the things I wanted to do in that old project. Part of it was that it was gaining steam and had something like 30 people following and anticipating it. Part of it was my lack of planning, and still being a little new to storytelling on the scale the project needed...
So, I didn’t draw for months after I hit that wall. It.. was rough. We’ve all got issues, and mine and my inability to get back on my feet back then made me very volatile to myself.
Temix had just gotten out of art school and tried convincing me to draw a bit. I doodled, because she knew how to approach me about it and make it something I couldn’t back down from.
Sooner than later I dreamt about a zombie apocalypse and Deadgirl & Sue were born. With a lot of help and shaping by Temix.
The mission was ‘fuck art, tell the story.’ And that worked fine for a few months and several pages. I didn’t set deadlines for myself, and I didn’t care when I drew two right hands...
Even though this one haunts me to this day.. Anyway, fall of 2010 became summer 2011 and I was reeling internally about this non-schedule and art and story. So I stopped again. But I didn’t kick myself too hard about it because unlike my first comic, no one was paying attention to DG&Sue.
I’d been writing a lot anyway, and was feeling really good about the growth I was making there. I’m ‘good’ at art, I’m ‘okay’ at singing, but since I floundered on story years prior I learned and felt that that was were I shined. Just putting words on a page. I still mostly agree with those sentiments. Maybe now I’m a ‘little better’ at art, and ‘decent’ at singing, but I’m still a star at storycraft.
It was 2013 when I got back on track to finish that single first chapter of DG&Sue. I’d spent the previous 8 months writing a novel. I had the premise for the story in my mind for a few years so I wrote. I learned a lot and crafted something that.. Is really rough and raw, but it’s something I’m still very proud of..
So that fall I finished the second draft, Edited it all myself (though it still probly has plenty of grammatical and spelling errors) and reread it a hundred times to make sure it was only what it needed to be... And submitted it to several agencies. While waiting for replies I finished the last handful of pages for the first chapter of DG&Sue.
it was done. Not only did I write a 65k novel, I finished a comic. It wasn’t completely over, I left it a little open in case I wanted to bring the characters back. For a while though, Juliet and Sue got to rest in peace.
Meanwhile.. Let me be honest. The agents... Who the fuck am I? I’m a hack that flails against a keyboard screaming endlessly into the void; “NOTICE ME, BUT PLEASE DONT LET ME NOTICE THAT YOU NOTICE ME SO I DONT GET OVERWHELMED.”
All of the agents rejected me.
I wasn’t expecting to wow all of them.. I thought one might want to see the whole novel and tell me it could work if I changed something major about it. But none of them-Some of them in their emails back were offended that I submitted my query to them.
That really fucked me up. See, earlier THAT year I hit rock bottom as an alcoholic. Writing that novel helped me stop drinking. And after all of the months and long nights I spent refining that story the best I could to be rejected... I couldn’t kid myself though. None of my friends would even read it. So, I reiterate; screaming endlessly into the void; “NOTICE ME, BUT PLEASE DONT LET ME NOTI-” And I felt really dry. I couldn’t just not do anything about those feeling, but I couldn’t resort to liquor and video games weren’t taking the edge off...
So, to quote a great book, “I felt like destroying something beautiful.” Created a nice new little OC... And sent her through some good old fashioned Lovecraftian horror to fucking break her the way I felt broken inside. It beats being a no life drunkard, and it’s better then shooting up a school or suicide.. The first draft was a short story outline. And I thought, ‘It might be nice to do this as a comic.. to try using.. photoshop like Temix keeps suggesting. I’ll practice colors while I destroy this poor girl. I’ll become intimate with yellows like I became intimate with tones while drawing DG&Sue. And I’ll make Lovecraft my own like I made Priest, and Way, and Palahnuik my own.’
And this release of my feelings...
I decided to do it right. It was scheduled. And made sure it had an ending I could reach. It was a shining yellow light in deep blotchy darkness, Ink was more well received then I ever imagined it would be.
So, I toyed with expanding it while it was being finished. Picked up the threads I left for DG&Sue hoping.. Thinking that if I were working on a rotating schedule, that I wouldn’t get bored, that a new thing to work on every few months would keep me challenged... That I wouldn’t get overwhelmed... and stop.
I wasn’t wrong.
I haven’t missed an update in close to three years now. Sometimes I forget to post at one place or another, but the pages are available somewhere.
Over those years I expanded to several internet mediums... Swoonsphere of course, The Duck where I first started at, DeviantArt, Imgur, Pixiv, Tapastic, and I was directed to upload on Tumblr too, even though it doesn’t lend itself to webcomics...
Between Imgur, Pixiv, and Tapastic, being the only places I do bulk page uploads, I see terrible, but consistent growth every time I post on Tapastic (the other two there’s views, but not a lot of following). Which brings me back to something someone asked me recently, and what I started this and my webcomic career with.
Why don’t I post batches on Tumblr? On most sites?
I considered it. But everything is generally bite sized and easily consumable on these types of sites. That’s why I’ve been more stressed out lately. I’m not hoping that people will follow my Tumblr, because it’s not my... place. It’s not the right platform for what I do. I can only hope that people will see a fragment of a story, or decent art, or decent colors, or interesting tags and click the links to my website where it’s easier to read. I don’t make money off of Swoonsphere, the ads on it are usually blocked or disabled anyway because there’s no traffic. So.. Is it bad practice to hope someone will open a new tab to take a closer look while they’re scrolling through their Tumblr feed?
You know? Like I said.. screaming endlessly into the void; “NOTICE ME BUT PLE-” I don’t know how to market my comics. I dont expect people to come around for my art streams, and I dont expect people to be wowed by my ‘finished’ art. I just want people to read my stories and want to know what the next step is for the characters, or tell me what they think, or ask me why things went the way they did.
Personally I think my stories are a little cheesy and tropey, but have some unique things, and if nothing else, have characters that you can root for.
But I’m tired.. And feel myself after 30 months burning out. Because like my novel no one’s actually read what I’ve done even though it’s readily available for simple viewing. If it’s something wrong with Swoonsphere, I could direct people to the Duck or Tapastic. I post everywhere, and the sum of readers after all this time is hilariously low.
I’m not stopping yet. But I am frustrated, and disheartened.
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