#i kinda wanted to post this but then i didn't like it anymore so i'm gonna clean it up at some point and THEN i'll post it | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

narmothewraith · 5 months ago

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How I imagine myself (aka want to be)

Vent in the tags (sorry in advance)

#Honestly almost cried while sketching this #I feel so stupid #Like why did I agree to wait until i'm 25 to transition #Oh wait I know #Because I love my parents to much and they only really support me if I a) am 25 or b) my mental health is really really bad #Also it's that part of my mind that's doubting everything. That it's just a phase. That i'm not actually transmasc #Also the psychologist I used to go to supported the idea to wait till 25 and was talking about some whos she knew #And how that girl wanted to be a boy but she got a boyfriend and she didn't want to anymore #Or that boy who wanted to be a girl but later found his identity and was secure in his agab #And she kept saying/asking; “Would you be able to accept to be just a manly woman??” And similar questions #And I know it's stupid but because of it I just keep questioning myself over and over #Because now i'm especially scared it's something I grow out off #But I just want to look in a mirror and be happy #And while I do like my clothing. I want other stuff but I feel goddam dysphoric in that #Only things I can change about me is piercings and my hair but even that is something my parents aren't really keen of #Atleast the length is something they are okay with but if it's kinda more a “”man's style“” and I hear only “oh my god it's so manly"#Honestly I just hate that i'm to scared to do anything about it #All the while I suffer #cause I just cant get out of the house without a binder. Always checking how my profile looks like. Crying when its not how I want it to be #Or almost crying when my mom says “that size is better for a girl like you because other wise it looks boyish” even when I confided in her #transmasc #transgender #trans artwork #Trans #Artists on tumbr #Lgbt #my art <3 #my own post

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itz-pandora · 2 months ago

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Huh. If my life was a quote, it'd be "one of those sad ones with a deceptively happy tune"

#quote from MLP:FIW #sorryyyy been kinda angry about my step family all day #sorry but im so tired of my Stepmom acting like she raised decent kids #my step brother is like 25 and living in my dads home. hes unironically an andrew tate fan and treats his very disabled girlfriend like shit #step sister always got compred to my sister who's the same age and put step sis in the light every time EVEN THO MY SIS WAS LITERALLY BETTER #<- like grades n shit #also both step sibs are gross. never cleans up ever. step brother and his gf are banned from the basement #step bro went to juvy when he was 16 and step sis had a trial last year and almost went to jail #also step sis has mono and would rather die than cover her mouth #i feel bad for SB's girlfriend because she has no other support system and sometimes it feels like SB or SS is trying to kill her?????#my dad threatened to kick out the adults if the house is dirty (adults being SB. SBG. SS. My sister. Aunt.)#My sister does SO MUCH HOUSEWORK and nobody cares and im mad #also bullshit rules recently have made my potential eating disorder worse #i don't think its healthy to rather starve than wash a dish but i actually have cried several times over this #not to mention how much i accidentally starve myself #also our food has been less and less because I don't know what I'm allowed to eat anymore because of my step family #also i have to share the smallest room with my sister. its okay tho ilh and i wouldn't want to get rid of her #sometimes it feels like my stepmom doesn't like me or my sisters because we're “weird”. childish interests and artistic #she lectured me about having missing assignments and I started crying #i said i just forgot to turn in some before the deadline and she called me lazy #<- Oops! so close. its actually THE MENTAL ILLNESS #my sisters and i feel like shit #i feel like my safe space is with my oldest sister.#and you all too! i love you guys #i just feel trapped. trapped by my step family. trapped by my own mind.#i was just starting to feel free from the burden of school and she just made me feel more stressed.#i didn't want to study because she killed the little motivation I had #Spanish exam is now “Fuck it we ball”#sorry for the personal post

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halogalopaghost · 10 days ago

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#today I am disabled #fr I slept all day and I'm about to sleep again #my feet and legs hurt so much last night that I dreamed someone was cutting them off to replace them with better ones #I'm falling back into that 'working and recovering from working' routine again and I hate it #I don't want to live like this #I can't really eat tomatoes anymore. no pizza sauce no pasta sauce no tomato based soups #it just hurts #the overwhelming fatigue and pain. typing feels like lifting weights #and there's this heavy thing in my chest that says it will never get better than this #I just want someone to hug me and tell me it will be okay #even tho it kinda wont #I wish I could get disability...#maybe I should ask my parents for help with it tbh.#I didn't used to be like this...#I used to work twelve and fourteen hour shifts. I used to go places just for fun #fuck #delete later #vent post

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vilevampire · 10 months ago

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I'm hyperfixating on viewtiful joe again btw

#I forgot to make this statement sooner #y'know. just to keep it registered. so I can look back on it in the future #I think it's been a week or two since I've been hyperfixating officially #realistically it's probably been a bit longer but I didn't REALIZE that I was hyperfixating again yet #my theory is that the viewtiful joe side of my brain saw that qsmp surpassed its record #for media I spent the most time hyperfixated on #and it was just like #naaurrr #and it forced a vj resurgence on me #I'm not really SURPRISED . I've already accepted that my obsession w/ viewtiful joe is like a lifetime thing #but I'm just kinda like 'fucking god damn it not again'#anyway yeah ummmm dunno what this means for me bc like #I do not want to go back to the sad life that I lived when I was really into viewtiful joe #and I would spend hours making art just to post it and get 2 likes from my friends #so I dunno what I'm gonna do #I'll probably still be in the qsmp fandom tbh #or rather. I'm in the tazercraft fandom at this point #for the qsmp as a whole I guess I'm not that into it anymore #still love tazercraft thou :3 #lucasings

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ruvviks · 3 months ago

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rikki sketch wip btw

#personal #nuclearwips #i kinda wanted to post this but then i didn't like it anymore so i'm gonna clean it up at some point and THEN i'll post it #rikki is the youngest of the valentines :] becca is the oldest and aubrey and james are twins and then harlowe and rikki are #the same age but i'm 99% sure harlowe was born earlier in the year #(harlowe is adopted and rikki has a different dad fyi)#she's leader of santa madre which is a small gang that used to be a valentinos branch but they decided to go their own way #more focused on just. basically stealing from rich corpos and giving it back to communities #without the whole like. territory stuff and additional things the valentinos got going on if that makes sense

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keeps-ache · 2 days ago

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good morning and merry christmas !! aesthetic photo of my cookies be upon ye

#just me hi #i put them on the plate and then the little devil and my shoulder said Hey what if we spent the next 20+ minutes editing it #and they were right that was fun lmfvshgh #Except for looking for a glitter brush on ibis! why are all the thumbnails so blurry it hurts my eyes Ghfksfjvk #yea the phone is working out good :) i'm gonna be taking pictures of everything now ehehehgh #also forgot to eat these for the 20+ minutes i was playing w/ the pictures #my breakfastttt: (went to go count but i have eaten some now. ouh) ✋10 🤚 christmas cookies :3 #they're little ones- oh hey these pretzel one are kinda salty! yaaay #i like the swirly/horseshoe ones the most though. nyum #/we have pozole my mom made last night but i think that has to be warmed up hfhsvh #we got back from christmas midnight mass and everyone- Everyone (crazy) went to bed as soon as we got home lmfhvshg #i don't think that's ever happened. usually a couple are still awake until dawn and Then they go to sleep lol #yea but we didn't even get to try to the pozole last night <//3 helped to strain it last night though :D it smelled kinda sweet+spicy so ou #//we're waiting til i think friday or saturday for presents this year because of the Events so noo wrapping cleaning today 🎉💥 kfsvh #and i've been asked what i wanted. see i don't have that trouble of suddenly not having a want in the world: i just kinda don't have that #already for some reason lmao ?? so yea default state. do you think i'll get socks kfshvfh #//do love having to go back into my tags and add the topic slash bc every topic is related All the time Forever lmfsh #//hey but i DO need socks HEY i'm not joking anymore. don't want any with patterns though they will bother me lol #cuz unless i like the patterns i am not going to wear them :/ that is unless i think they're silly then they pass #are they holiday-themed? i'll prolly still wear them during the fourth of july so we can guarantee 1 whole day of use lhfshvjg #however during the warmer days (anything above 55 degrees) i wear chanclas w/o socks. so maybe not so much guaranteed #and also if i can't find it's match i will just never wear it again. truly tragic #i'm painstakingly matching my plain white socks i can Not handle patterned socks again #/wait was this post about cookies. dude how did we get here Lmfjvskfhvahfhvj #//Okay i'm gonna ummm #Ummmmmmmm #uuuuhm. draw :3 Toodles !! merry christmas !! <3

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spacephrasing · 3 months ago

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hello sorry if this is really long and tmi but besties i need some advice

#so this isnt what i usually post but #i really need advice bc i genuinely don't know how to go about this #my mom has a track record for saying really offhand things about trans people and their bodies #and at this point with the way she reacts I've learned to just... not say anything #it doesn't matter how gently I try word it I always get the 'i'm an ally and i'm trying and you *know* that i'm doing my best' response #so this weekend she said something about my cousin being 'biologically male' (they're nonbinary) and kinda shut down in the car and didn't #really say anything #she called me the day after to find out what was wrong #and i told her that she was being disrespectful about trans/nonbinary people and that this is an ongoing issue #and she took it very hard and ended the call very abruptly #she then proceeded to text me paragraphs about how good of an ally she is and how i needed to 'cut her more slack' even tho i've been doing #so for years #and she tried to call twice #and i had to set the boundary twice now of 'please don't reach out i'm not ready to talk and i want us to both step back from this and come #back to it later'#and now i'm putting the convo off because #it feels like theres nothing i can say to her that she'll understand/won't get super defensive about #at this point it feels like i've tried to address this problem as best/gently as i can and it's still isn't enough for her #i think she wants me to just forget about it but i don't want to anymore #sorry this was really long lmao #but please #any tips from my queer friends would be sick thank u #it me

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melien · 3 months ago

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A lil update: Electromagnets will be back soon (maybe even tomorrow as I'm sick at home) and the GC story will probably follow suit as I ✨went on an inspirational autumn walk✨ and finally figured out some parts of it that weren't clicking before and now I'm super happy with how it goes!

#text post #what can I say autumn is the lennias season #no but genuinely I want to show them and write about them properly so much instead of just doing photoshoots #they're everything to me #but I never properly wrote about them on this blog #well there was a story where their “friendship” originated but it was in 2017 and a cringefest (but I do appreciate it as their origins)#and a short story in 2021 since deleted because it followed the very old outdated canon #the irony is that I did write a lot about tobias and his old spouse a lot back in the heyday but eventually I stopped vibing with them #and the story kind of shifted to the music band stuff and lennias just made so much more sense #and they're like. I dunno. like tobias with his old spouse were more for the followers and were often fanservice #but lennias are for me and my soul. like it just felt so right immediately especially within the new context #they're kinda like what I wanted that ship to be but improved and multiplied #but yeah by the point they became an item I didn't write on simblr as much anymore even though I did a lot about them privately #but I'm happy they're getting to shine now. the development has been through some hurdles but is finally fully clicking

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rotisseries · 2 years ago

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I do think it's slightly funny that some of you will (rightfully) complain about how byler tumblr only reads and recommends fics from the same 5 authors, and yet @byierficrecs, who has the highest author variation I've seen for this fandom's fic recs, and has amazing graphics to go with it, never seems to crack 20 notes on their posts🤨

#like I've kinda stopped reading byler fics lately so I'm not really reading the recs anymore but I still reblog all the graphics!!#bc they're just so cool!!#and like. I understand not reblogging every single one bc maybe the fic it's recommending doesn't appeal to you. but c'mon #they have so many different fics! there's gotta be something you like #and again!! really wide variety of authors due to it being submission based!!#even for bylerficrecweek‚ which was meant to show off less recommended authors #even for that I haven't seen a single one of those posts that didn't include one of the Big 5™#i'm the no.1 byierficrecs fan and defender here btw #anyway. hm. idk.#do what you want ig #stranger things #byler

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scoliosisgoblin · 8 months ago

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just got someone asking to collaborate on a Rick x reader on wattpad. I thought it seemed pretty cute (wasn't gonna say yes though), quickly checked their account and it's all pedo and incest shit between Rick and the reader. wtf.

#okay so on my OLD account I had very problematic stuff like that on there #BUT I DONT ASSOCIATE WITH IT ANYMORE #I'VE REALIZED IT WAS ALL TERRIBLE STUFF. SAID I REALIZED IT ON MY NEW ACCOUNT AND SAID I DIDN'T WANT TO ASSOCIATE WITH IT #the reason why I can't take it down is because of the old account's gmail and password being corrupted I'm pretty sure so I can't log in #which is why I made the new one #ALSO MY NEW ACCOUNT CLEARLY SAYS “PROSHIPPERS DNI” SO CLEARLY THEY CANT FUCKING READ #NOR CAN THEY READ THE MANY INSTANCES OF ME SAYING I DONT LIKE MY OLD STORIES AT ALL #there's some good in them. SURE #but there's sm I did wrong and portrayed so poorly yk? AND THAT'S NOT EVEN TALKING ABOUT THE ACTUAL PROBLEMATIC STUFF IN THISE STORIES #wattpad #rick and morty #rick and morty fandom #rick sanchez #it was kinda crazy tbh. I'd post screenshots but idk their age nor do I wanna send hate their way yk?

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metalsylvester · 9 months ago

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Realizing I may have been wrong about my sexual identity a second time is really annoying.

#my post #personal #I know I love men #I identified as bi before realizing I was a dude #and when I initially realized I was trans I really wanted to be as far away from femininity as possible #and I just didn't feel attracted to women at all anymore #and I leaned very heavily into the gay man mlm of it all #cause that's what felt right #but like...#BUT IDK #it's difficult to figure out #cause women are beautiful. obviously. and I can appreciate a good ✨cunt serve✨ as a queer dude #and I don't have like any specific women or female characters that I'm like super attracted to??#well...maybe there's one -kinda- but it's pretty embarrassing tbh lol #but if I just imagine being intimate with a woman in the abstract like...yea it's good #BUT I often have to imagine myself as a cis dude to make that work #SO IDK MAN #IDK WHERE THAT LEAVES ME #cause if I dial it way down and just make it kissing that's still good.#and I don't have to give myself an imaginary bio-penis #BUT does that really make me -attracted to women- ????????

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kuromi-hoemie · 1 year ago

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me: weird, I’m not able to reblog anymore? If I click reblog nothing pops up. I notice ublock origin’s counter keeps going up, what gives?

tumblr:

why the fuck is a wordpress pixel preventing me from reblogging you loser ass website. I’m not on wordpress, this breakage shouldn’t be happening.

Tbf, if I open a new tab or refresh the page I’m able to reblog again - but if I’m deep in the dash that’s obviously not the ideal move to make. I’m assuming this has something to do with the new UI Tumblr’s using because this hasn’t happened before.

Also, having refreshed the page and basically JUST making this post - can you fucking not??

Maybe it’s because I have the logger open so it’s not refreshing things but uhhh yeah this is dumb, whatever’s happening here.

On top of my heart kinda racing (bad) by just using the new UI because it feels like I’m on twitter again I’m just so annoyed with everything @staff is doing >.> STOP IT god dammit

#if your website breaks because I'm using ublock origin - I'm not using your website #thankfully the app is there and it Seems I can refresh the page desktop to reblog again but god....#why r y'all so hellbent on making me hate it here lol. I keep trying to say I love the community then tumblr throws another curveball #like hey!! do you want a new shitty update you didn't ask for?? here 🤲#the twitterfication of tumblr includes finding unique ways to make you at least little angry or annoyed every day >.>#uhhhh on top of twitter going to hell and twitter ppl joining tumblr. I Can Tell bc there's def a lot more discourse posts floating around #the past couple of weeks. It's too late for the rent lowering gunshots huh?#like the ecosystem here improved significantly when the reddit folk came over then twitter implemented a post view limit and #almost immediately twitter ppl came over and kinda offset the reddit ppl 😭 idk things r p chill over at cohost #i gotta work on building out my circles over there and finding more ppl because it's a genuinely fun place and as time goes on feels #more and more like tumblr than fucking tumblr itself does. I'm still here bc i'm invested in my mutuals and the artists I follow.#I wouldn't be surprised if at some point I just plug an API and stream posts from artists somewhere else so I don't #even have to be on here anymore.

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run-down-that-dream · 1 year ago

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