#i kin him a lil too hard

[brnwynkl]

I am currently surviving on 0 hours of sleep, sertraline, a smoothie, and a whole lot of metalcore music. I'm going to fight god.

[rottingskunk]

Me finding this post/ positive and also the analysis do be hittin home😭😭😭

Sk8 the Infinity & how Reki Kyan is written to be human

SO 👏 if you kept reading past the opening line welcome back to some more thoughts I have had about Sk8. In the show, I think Reki is the most humanly written character in the show. This is due to his personality, but more-so his actions and internal dialogue. 

We open the show with narration from Reki explaining skating and what he loves about it, before seeing him lose the beef with Shadow, and be forced to watch as his board burns. We see straight away that, for all his passions, Reki is punished and given consequences for being too over-indulgent and confident in winning. He loves skating, but it can hurt sometimes. 

One of my favourite scenes with Reki, is him in school before Langa. It’s short, but he is sat doodling away new skateboarding designs and parts. The second someone shows interest and asks what he is doing, he eagerly asks if they want to talk about it, to which he is immediately rejected for his eagerness. His passions being met with disinterest.

Then we have Reki meeting Langa. He doesn’t pay him much attention in class, but when meeting him outside of Cherry’s studio, we get to see Reki’s goofy side come out more. Asking him if he was interested in skating, if he’d want to learn. Then getting shot down once again for his eagerness, only to end up with Langa as a co-worker instead thanks to Oka. As Reki teaches Langa to skate, we het to see Reki shine in his knowledge. he never gives up, even if something seems impossible. He slowly encourages and pushes Langa until he can finally nail that first trick, having fun the whole time and making their friendship all the brighter. It is honest and genuine, even if a little battered and bruised sometimes.

Skipping forward a bit, we see how Reki reacts to other skaters like Miya. Up until this point, we know that Reki is an average skater compared to most, and Miya being the child prodigy, shows Reki up and makes him land face in dirt more than once. There is jealousy of his skill, but also a playful rivalry. Miya is just a kid, similar in age to Rekis younger sister, so he can’t hold a grudge against him for too long. He quickly jumps in to defend Miyas honor, showing that despite everything, he is his friend above any rivalry or squabbles. 

SO. When Reki races against Adam, we see a side of Reki we don’t see much. He is dejected. He tries to joke and laugh, but anyone can see that he is bitter about losing. The people he is surrounded by are spectacular, and he is just regular. He wants to get better, but for now he needs to recover. 

I love the beach episode SO MUCH and for one reason I don’t see people mention often is the scene between Joe and Reki. Reki confides in Joe, and Joe does what he can to comfort him. It’s a rare heart-to-heart we don’t get much of in the show, but when we do it tends to be between the two. They are very similar in my eyes, Joe seeing himself in Reki, and wanting him to not make the same mistakes he did. Reki admits that he doesn’t want to fall behind, and while he has the drive, it doesn’t mean he has the skill to.

As the episodes pass and Langa QUICKLY improves, he gets left behind like he expected. He hates it, he doesn’t want to just be ‘the one that hangs around the GOOD skaters’ he wants people to know his name and acknowledge his skills. 

The turning point for Reki’s character is when Langa goes against his promise. Reki is a man of his word, and expects everyone else to keep the same ideals. Once a promise is made, you shouldn’t break it. Knowing Reki was the one to teach Langa everything, seeing him exceed his own skills, and then not keep his promise made Reki break. To him, that was him being left behind. No matter how hard he tried, he couldn’t reach the same stars that Langa could. As much as this era of the show hurts, Reki is written so realistically. He knows that he shOULDN’T be so upset about this, seeing and supporting his friends improvement used to bring him joy, but now he was left behind without so much as a thank you, he can’t help but close off and run away. How I see it, Reki has the ideals of Someone who wants others to put the same energy into their friendship as he does, and when that doesn’t happen, he gets crushed.

Reki at his lowest is when he gets beaten up by his old skating friends, and Oka finds Reki wallowing in self pity. He feels as though he deserved to be beaten up for feeling this way, that his feelings are selfish and he should just be happy. Oka’s advice that sometimes people are just cut out to watch and cheer them on gives Reki the energy to go and watch a race, but even with cheering Langa on, he doesn’t WANT to watch. He wants to be there, skating alongside his friends and having FUN! What fun is there in just sitting there? 

The small scene between Reki and Tadashi has always been interesting regarding Reki’s character. In the depths of his moping, it takes someone who (as he sees it) completely missing the point of skating to knock him out of it. He loves skating, he loves skating with langa, it’s all meant to be FUN! saying it aloud to someone else seemed to be the wakeup call he needed, even if tears were shed.

Once Reki and Langa finally makeup, with Reki having had more time to think things over, we can finally see Reki be given the acknowledgement from Langa that he IS amazing. And of course, Reki blushes. As much as he wants to be recognized for what he can do, being bombarded by compliments makes him nervous and a little embarrassed, and as I read it, feel like all his moping was useless if Langa thought that about him the entire time. It’s sweet and a genuine moment between the two. 

NOW. this post is already really long but I absolutely adore how the skating between him and Adam is done the second time. Reki knows what to expect this time, and just has to endure it until the time comes for him to shine. He might not be the best skater, but he knows everything about the boards themselves, and gets to show off his knowledge once the rain comes. Seeing him win and get that big hug from everyone once it’s over feels like a reunion that I didn’t know I needed. For once everyone is on Reki’s side and supporting him vocally and physically.

As we reach the end of the show, we get to see Reki watch Langa skate almost to his death before their reunion and Langas victory. I think Langas leap of a hug into Reki is the culmination of 12 episodes of friendship- ups and downs all culminating in a fun and loving embrace. A thank you for showing Langa how fun living in Okinawa could turn out to be.

Their duo skate at the end is, as I see it, the start of something new, and the end of Reki’s arc. He has learnt so much, and ended up with a best friend and a newfound love for skating alongside people who truly cherish him. Reki is NOT a perfect person. He gets jealous, and pouts when he gets teased, and makes awful jokes and does some goofy things that sometimes puts him in weird positions, but he is a character who just wants to have FUN as hard as that can seem sometimes.

[queers-gambit]

History of Clocks

prompt: Carmy asks you out, Carmy thinks it's platonic. Carmy and Claire go on a date, Carmy forgets to cancel. how strong - or brittle - is your friendship?

pairing: Carmen 'Carmy' Berzatto x female!bestie!reader

fandom masterlist: FX's The Bear

collection masterlist: Nights Like This

word count: 10.8k+

note: strap in, this is a doozy. a masterpiece, but i digress.

warnings: humiliation / being stood up in public, i guess miscommunication trope, Carmy's a dumb fucking boy (and a lil bit of a dick), emotions are hard, angst, this Barbie copes through writing, girls being girls over fashion, love confessions, unrequited love, drawing boundaries, depiction of anxiety, nicknamed!reader has a dog, Cicero's niece reader 'cause why not! alcohol consumption (reader's a wine girlie)! and brief depiction of smoking! use of literary devices*, hurt no comfort!

*literary device warnings: a lot of repetition and too many idioms - some flow, others are kinda forced. please roll with it.

If someone asked Carmen Berzatto who his best friend was, he'd have zero hesitation to list your name. If someone asked who understood him the best, he'd say you did. If someone asked who supports him most outside his family, he'd shout your name first, declare your love as unconditional. If someone asked who or what inspired him, he'd insist it was you. But if you asked Carmy who he took romantic interest in, he'd answer Claire.

If anyone asked you ANY of the aforementioned questions, each response would be the same: Carmen Anthony Berzatto.

The two of you had been friends well over a decade by now, enduring his tenancy in Copenhagen and his residency in New York; plus anywhere in between. Sure, of course, it was frustrating having him gone, you missed him in abundance - but your pride outweighed everything. To see him chase and achieve such dreams brought you unparalleled joy; so much so, it didn't matter your pain of missing him. In turn, Carmy genuinely contributed much of his success to you, claiming your friendship is the central pillar that kept him upright; your blind encouragement what propelled him forward; and how a single phone call, hearing your voice, was like audible Xanax that quelled anxiety and self-doubt.

You had a tailored way of speaking to him; a way that never pressured him, but tried to show a different perspective to soothe his overactive thoughts. He describes you as optimistic, which, in his mind, was refreshing because of his violent pessimism. So, he attributed you as someone who kept him in balance.

A partner in crime. Another pea in his pod. Each other's missing half. A best friend.

For a while, this was enough.

You knew Claire was back around, but didn't put much stock in it because Carmy never did. Foolishly, you thought it was because of you - that maybe he harbored some feelings for you as you did him, and that's why he was uninterested in Claire. Through his transition being back home, Carmy had relied on you heavily, especially in the wake of Mikey; sharing intimate moments of emotional turmoil, doubts, fears, hopes, worries, dreams. Something in you both shifted; thinking perhaps you had aged past petty, fleeting flings and could focus on farming meaningful, real, lasting, supportive relationships. You foolishly thought you and Carmy were seeing one another through rose tinted glasses at the same time; that his were finally on.

You had been in the back office, wrapping up necessary paperwork for The Bear's operation when Carmy suddenly appeared in the doorway. "Hey, Honey, you got a sec?" He asked, wiping his hands on a dish towel; broad shoulder supporting his weight on the doorframe.

"Sure, whatcha need, Bear?" You glanced away from your paperwork to smile at him.

"What're you doing Friday night?"

"Uh, probably laundry? Why?"

Carmy chuckled and asked, "Wanna go out with me to this new marketplace? They have this place that does a fusion menu I've been wanting to try."

"Oh, I don't know, babes, I'm kinda out of clean underwear," you joked, both snorting identically.

"C'mon, pretty girl, go out with me. I'll even pay."

Apparently, in Carmy's mind, the phrasing 'go out with me' was purely platonic whereas to your ears, it was being asked out on an actual date. A miscommunication - or misunderstanding - that would position you both towards pain and difficulties.

"Oh, then I guess I can make it work. Where and what time do you wanna meet, Bear?"

"There's my girl," he smiled so prettily.

Carmy set the time. Carmy set the location. Carmy sought you out. Carmy asked you to go out with him. So, you didn't think to specifically clarify this meant Carmy was seriously committing because it sounded like a secure plan.

You should have.

Apparently, after parting ways with you, Claire contacted Carmy later in the night and made arrangements for their own date - on the same night, at the same time as his date with you. Carmy was so over the moon about going out with Claire, though, that he completely "forgot" to cancel on you, let alone tell you. Which felt very deliberate, considering the pair of you were so close, you were in the room post his appendix surgery - and if you've ever been there when someone's coming out of anesthesia, you know it can get kinda... intimate. So the fact that he never "thought" to tell you about Claire was a malicious blow - even if he did it unknowingly by being hyperfocused on where he'd take his lifelong crush, what he'd wear, even practicing certain topics of interest that would help him keep conversations flowing. The determination to make this date with Claire prove himself worthy of being loved, of being a priority in someone's life, mirrored your own desire - but specifically with Carmy.

You're not even sure how long you've harbored these feelings. Was it since high school? Maybe after? Was it before he left Chicago? Or when he was in Copenhagen, calling you when he got off work to chat on his walk 'home'? Maybe it was after he came back stateside and gifted you a leather-bound parchment journal where each page had a different dried, pressed, preserved floral. He labeled each bloom, dated the pages, and detailed where he was when he found each flower in silky ink from a fountain pen. The script truly looked poetic on the 'aged' pages.

"Oh, my God, Carmy - oh, wow! Look at this!" You gasped when presented the gift, gingerly leafing through the journal. "This is so - who thinks of something like this, wow, oh, look! Carm, I-I-I don't have the words, babes, this is just so beautiful, I'm blown away right now."

He shrugged sheepishly, hands in his pockets, "I picked any flower that reminded me of you." You'd come to read later that each page had an inked explanation of why these flowers made him think of you.

You beamed, clutching the journal to your chest, "Thank you so much, Carmy, I-I love it. No, really, I do!" You insisted when you saw his expression morph, "It's honestly the most thoughtful gift I've ever gotten, thank you so much."

"It's nothing," he eased, but the tips of his ears and apples of his cheeks were glowing bright. "I just didn't want to bring you home some novelty bullshit, like a 'I heart Copenhagen' mug; you deserved something better, more personal. You're a huge part of why I even went... Even bigger reason why I came back."

It was arduous to keep a level, pessimistic attitude; to gaslight yourself into believing your best friend didn't have feelings for you, that he was just being nice. Soon, it felt like wherever you turned, you had reason to suspect his feelings had changed; so upon being asked out, you abandoned logic and allowed yourself to flood with optimistic euphoria.

On Friday, you showed up at the agreed upon location; excited to take your taste buds on a culinary world tour without ever leaving Chicago with a real worldly chef. You thought you looked nice; carefully selected fashionable clothes (that ensured didn't look like you tried 'too hard') with chunky heels; your hair styled, make-up so perfect it could've been the featured look of a YouTube tutorial. Not wanting to wait on the sidewalk for safety reasons, you stepped into the fusion restaurant. After checking in with the hostess and earning a compliment from her on your fit, you were lead to a two-person table draped in navy linen with a contemporary floating candle centerpiece.

"Are you expecting company this evening?" She asked kindly, handing you a menu.

"Yeah, I'm just a little early. We're - yeah, no, I guess it's a date? He, um, he should be here soon," you rushed, flushing when you mentally scolded yourself that she didn't care and you needed to stop oversharing.

"Oh, no wonder you look so stylish!" She gushed. "He's gonna love it, you look beautiful - but not as much as I love your purse. I've always wanted one like it, but maybe in burgundy." You told her the store you got yours at, explaining it was a discount-department store buy, but the designer was sold at other easily accessible stores. It was nice to have a friendly, normal conversation; just two girlies, exchanging fashion tips which helped you feel all the calmer. The hostess who's badge read Laura nodded with a smile, "Is it okay to leave his menu here, then? I can take it back with me, if you wanna share?"

"No, no, you can leave it - I didn't bring my reading glasses," you tried to joke, wincing at the awkwardness.

"No problem," she set it down. "Can I get you anything in the meantime, honey?"

You almost laughed, instead smiling, "Oh, uh, water would be great, thank you."

The dining hall was relatively moderately full; several tables empty, waitstaff in matching navy uniforms dotted around, the lighting low to create a warm (or romantic) ambiance. You nervously checked the gold bracelet-watch inherited from your grandmother, clocking the time as 6:24.

There was no need to stress yet, so you studied the menu and made mental notes of what sounded good, what dish paired with what. A person could only look over menu options so many times, however, so you answered a few emails and texts before mindlessly scrolling through social medias to kill awkward time.

Around 7:05, your chest felt warm with something that made your intuition catch flame.

You texted Carmy: hey are you running late? you haven't texted me you're on the way yet 🤨

While to some, saying 'you haven't texted me yet' might sound a little overbearing, crazy, or pushy - maybe even spoiled - you did so because you knew how scatter brained Carmy was. He had an incredibly unpredictable, stressful, and chaotic job, which meant he sometimes lost track of time and needed reminders of other responsibilities / obligations outside The Beef, soon-to-be The Bear. You two had a friendship built on trust, fully able (and encouraged) to be yourselves and send borderline crazy messages to each other. You said it in person, why not over text?

The sweating glass of water was refilled, invisible timer ticking inconspicuously in the background, bread basket missing several sticks, the dining room now about 75% full.

Glancing around, you felt nauseated when you noted several couples enjoying romantic dinners; others with easy smiles and jovial laughter, happy to partake in the good tidings of loved ones. All around you, there was a smorgasbord of buzzing conversation you couldn't decipher. You had nothing else to do but focus on random moments of clarity, deducing some patrons were meeting for business; others were on dates, one table was celebrating their friend's new promotion, another, a birthday.

Yet here you sat, alone in the middle of a popular, high-trafficked restaurant; silent, isolated, feeling as if you were some zoo exhibit. Your plaque would read: Behold! The Stood-Up Single Woman!

While irrational, you felt other patron's beady eyes glazing over you - as if everyone could just tell what was happening. Their eyes made you sweat, feeling perceptive and heated, heavy and hateful. They watched you in your exhibit as if to affirm their situations could never be so bad because at least they weren't like you: stood-up, outcast, and humiliated. Their pity reeked. Their muttered words of prediction filled the stuffy space.

The invisible timer ticked louder, faster.

Tapping your phone screen set on the table, the time now glared as 7:33. So, you sent another text: uh, hello? Carmen! i thought we agreed to meet at 6:30? what's wrong?

Your message delivered, but there was no response.

Anxiety filled your heart, mind, and soul; being pumped through your veins to absorb in your bones - which created a sort of ripple effect within your chest and abdomen. Hair stood on the back of your neck. Stomach torqued in fear. Lungs deflated. Esophagus twisted. Chest hollowed and sunk. Right leg bounced at Olympic speed. Fingers twitched nervously, picking at cuticle, teeth chewing the skin off raw lips; eyes drawn to the entrance just in case Carmy showed up... In case anyone showed up. Skin burned and sizzled under the long, pitiful stares of patrons and employees alike. Heat flushed your body with embarrassment as if under Broadway stage lights; making you feel clammy and uncomfortable.

At 7:36, you double texted: Carmy?

Why wouldn't he answer you? Why wasn't his location updating? You worried something happened, he always messaged you when running late - so why not this time? Was something wrong? Did something happen? Wouldn't Sugar or Richie or one of the nine fucking Faks have called you?

The invisible timer ticked louder, faster.

At 7:45, Laura returned to your table, asking, "Would you like to see our drinks menu again?"

"Oh, uh, no, thank you, it's not necessary. Could I do another glass of Moscato, please?"

"Of course. Could I interest you in the bottle, you think?"

"At this point, yes ma'am," you chuckled at yourself.

"Any appetizers? Or more bread?" Laura asked sweetly.

You ordered multiple somethings to keep appearances, feeling bad you had sat there without ordering for so long; but also figuring if you were here, might as well enjoy trying something new, right? As the pretty young thing with a slicked back bun walked away, you were left to stare at the other undisturbed menu across from you, the candle wax dribbling into the water it floated on. Snatching your phone in hand, you glared at your message thread with Carmy, sending another: what the FUCK, Carm? answer your phone!

The invisible timer ticked louder, faster.

By 8:24, you had called him a total of 15 times.

The dining room was packed and poppin' by now, making shame cloud your shoulders from taking up precious optimal space on a popular date night. In truth, you didn't notice just how busy the dining room had gotten, but you know what they say? "Time flies when you're having fun," but it fucking trudges by in a mocking, lazy taunt when being actively humiliated.

At 8:32, your bottle of wine was polished off and you finally texted Richie: hey Cousin, is Carmy with you?

He answered within a fucking minute: no he left over a while ago for a date with Claire Bear

A record scratched in your brain, rapidly typing: what??? what does that mean???

Richie replied: damn, Cuzzo, you should know what a date is or has it been that long? 😂

Your throat swelled shut, nodding sadly and locking your phone; rolling your lips between your teeth to prevent yourself from having a very public, very emotional breakdown.

The invisible timer ticked slower, quieter.

With a sharp sniffle, you flagged Laura down, pointed at the menu, asking for your meal to-go and the check. She could hear the warble in your voice, so when she returned with your to-go order and check, Laura had snuck a couple extra things in your bag without charging you. And she only charged you for a glass of wine, not the bottle.

Laura earned herself a generous gratuitous tip as well as all the cash in your wallet, being a little over $150.

Returning home around 9:03, you could identify the dreadful feelings of rejection; how forgotten, taken for granted, disappointed, abandoned, replaced you felt. Unloading the food on the counter, you made yourself a plate and looked at your phone one last time. There was still nothing from Carmy, but Richie had texted you again: you good, Cuzzo? what you need Carmy for?

Changed into a set of cozy clothes, you curled up on the couch with your food and another glass of wine; faithful, loyal, loving dog(go) hopping up beside you. Switching something on the TV, you answered Richie with one hand while fending off the pup: nothing important anymore, Cuzzo. we can talk tomorrow!

It was a strange sensation; that blatant sting of betrayal and rejection from someone who was never supposed to hurt you. If Carmy didn't return your affection, that was okay! That was perfectly fine! That was ideal, even, because you never wanted to jeopardize losing him from your life so even if you couldn't be with him, you'd rather be his friend than nothing at all. But what isn't okay, is standing you up. Forgetting you. Neglecting you. Unjustly shaming you. Publicly humiliate you. Disrespecting you. After over a decade of friendship, didn't you deserve better than that? Of course, you did - so why did Carmy subject you to such degradation? Was Claire so hypnotizing, enchanting, bewitching, she successfully managed to block all your Carmy sensors? Or were you just that forgettable?

There were too many overwhelming emotions pinballing around your heart, mind, and soul to even begin processing. So, you cuddle your most loyal companion who would never betray or abandon you, ate what you could, polished off any wine, set several alarms on your phone, and laid down on your couch to be lulled into restlessness by the sounds of whatever comfort show was left on.

After getting up early to shower off the previous night, you got ready for work and made the trek through the city. While your couch was comfortable, you didn't sleep well; eyes heavy from their sting, second cup of coffee already in your travel mug, movements sluggish. You would've called out, but today was one of those days you had to go over some legal and logistical shit with your Uncle Cicero.

So here you were.

"Yo, Cuzzo! Hey-hey, good mornin', sweetheart!"

With a tired sigh, you spied Richie outside The Beef, smoking, watching you with a smirk. "Mornin', Richie-Rich," you tried to sound as if you hadn't been awake all night.

"Well, don't you look fuckin' peachy?"

"Fuck off, I'm not in the mood."

He held a hand out to prevent you from passing him, asking, "Yo... Hold on, what's good with you? And don't feed me no bullshit, I know something's wrong. You look like shit - but I mean that in concern, Cuzzo."

You decided not to comment, answering instead, "I just didn't sleep last night."

"Uh-huh... And?"

"And what?"

"That's it?"

You shrugged, "Nothing else worth dwelling over."

Richie cocked his head, "The fuck does that mean? Here," he offered his cigarette, which you accepted.

"Nothing's wrong, can we just - "

"Fuck all the way off," he scoffed, "you know the sooner you tell me, the sooner I stop askin'."

"It's... It's really stupid, Cousin."

"Don't make no difference to me; if it's bothering you, tell me."

You dropped the butt of the cigarette to the sidewalk, squashing it under your heel before leaning back into the wall with a long sigh. "I should preface this all by admitting, I might have feelings for Carmy - "

"Yeah, no fucking shit," Richie laughed, seeing your deadpanned expression. "Dude, holy shit, everyone can see it except you two idiots, it was high time someone admitted it. Tina and Mikey used to have a bet going about y'all ending up together."

Your frown deepened. "Right, well, glad everyone's so entertained and well-versed on my doomed love life," your eyes rolled.

"'Doomed'?" Richie chuckled, stopping when your expression turned crestfallen, rushing, "Woah, hey, I'm just teasin' you. C'mon, Honey, tell me how you're doomed?"

You were quiet, staring at your sneakers as you tried to build the courage to verbalize the situation. See, once you said it out loud (and to anyone), it becomes tangible, public, and undeniably real. You didn't want this to be real.

Just as Richie was opening his mouth to question (or nag) you, you admitted, "Carmy and I had plans to go to dinner last night..."

Richie paused, then asked, "But he was with Claire?"

"Exactly."

"I... Don't think I follow, Cuzzo?"

You huffed, "Cousin, Carm asked me to dinner, right?" Richie nodded. "He picked the time and place, then apparently, made plans with Claire but didn't tell the other. So, I got there last night, right? I waited for two hours, Cousin, but Carmy never showed, never answered my messages. He stood me up. He chose Claire."

"Are you fucking serious?"

"Unfortunately."

"Wait, lemme get this straight. So, he asked you out?"

"Yes."

"And made a legit plan? To link up? Time, place, whole thing?"

"Yeah."

Richie readjusted his stance, his anger flaring - reminding you of the diagram Lilo drew for Stitch to show how full of 'bad' he was. "And you're saying, you got there, waited for him for hours - fuckin' plural - and he didn't show up? No text, no call, no nothing?"

"Correct. I called and texted plenty, though. No answer."

"Right, but he didn't cancel your date when Claire came in the picture? Or vice versa, what-the-fuck-ever?"

"Nah."

"Just left you there? Alone?"

"Yep."

"Hold up, hold up. Homie made a date with Claire Bear before or after he made one with you?"

"Now that, I don't know. But does it matter which date came first, he still stood me up for someone else."

Richie blinked a few times, nodding silently with pursed lips. Then he snarled and tried to surge past you for the door, "Oh, I'll fuckin' kill him - "

"Yo, yo, yo, hang on! Wait, hold up! Leave it be, Cousin, it's not worth the hassle - "

"Nah, nah, nah! He doesn't get off scot-free! Nobody puts Baby in a corner and nobody fucks with Honey!" The two of you tussled on the sidewalk, you refusing to let him pass but him being stronger. It was quite the sight.

"No more Dirty Dancing references!"

"Hater! Lemme go, Honey!"

"Listen to me! Please, for fuck's sake! I don't want this to be anything bigger than it already is! Listen to me, I just want to get some work done with Cicero and go home. Okay? Okay? Goddamnit, Richie! It's not the time for this! Leave it alone for today! I just want peace!"

Richie eventually calmed down enough to let you push him back a couple feet. It took two more cigarettes, but you managed to pacify Richie enough for you to enter The-under-construction-Beef together, discovering most employees already present. Yet, in a rare and odd occurrence, Carmy wasn't; which would've normally confused or worried you, but now, only relieved you. As project manager, you worked intimately with Carmy on a daily basis - which poses as an obstacle if you were trying to avoid him - but without him, you could focus on getting work done and not dodging him.

"Behave," you reminded Richie in a lower register. He swatted at you, picking at a donut Marcus created.

"Mornin', Miss Mamas," Tina greeted, glancing over her shoulder to flash you a warm smile - requiring a double take. "Oh, baby, you look exhausted."

"I feel exhausted," you cleared your throat, greeting her with a quick peck to her cheek.

"Oh! So she can say it and it's fine? But when I do it, it's an issue? This is hypocrisy! Double standard bullshit!" Richie barked with laughter, shuffling past with a swift peck to your temple. Tina pushed at his belly as he passed, making him grunt and flinch dramatically.

You asked Tina, "Is Cicero here yet?"

"In the back with Sugar, baby."

"Thank you, Chef."

Richie watched you walk away from Tina only for Marcus to stop you, then Ibrahim needed something and it looked like everyone was gearing up to bring some kind of problem to your plate. Like a good cousin, Richie swooped in to place a donut in your hand, "All right, all right, back off, you jagoffs, let the lady breathe." He shooed you onward, feeling protective enough to intercept anyone to give you the space you needed after last night. You told him you wanted to work and go home, so he was going to do what he could to give that to you. The moment you disappeared into the office, Richie hissed to any surrounding employees, "Get the fuck over here!"

"The fuck, Richie?" Tina snipped, "We got work t'do, baby."

"I know," he rushed, glancing over his shoulder, then back at the others, "but I want everyone to go. Fuckin'. Easy. On Y/N today. Okay? Got it? She's got some shit to do with Cicero and then she's gonna go home - so, let's make sure that happens, no exceptions."

"What happened? What's wrong? Is she okay?" Marcus asked in concern, his frown deep enough to lower his brows.

"Yeah, Richie, you can't say that and then not explain," Syd tacked on. "I'll talk to her. -"

With grit teeth, Richie scooted in front of Syd and warned, "Hey. She's my fuckin' family, right? I'll protect her from anything - including you jagoffs, so leave her alone today. Okay? That's all I'm asking - Leave. Her. Alone." He glanced around and lowered his voice as the others all dipped inward to hear him, "Fuckin' Carmy asked her onna date last night then stood her up and went out with Claire instead."

This caused an angry ripple to emit from the huddle. You were none the wiser; in the office, sat at the desk to go over what Sugar had prepared for your review. Cicero leaned on the desk beside your chair, arms crossed, just watching you as if a bug under a magnifying glass. He pushed his glasses up by one finger to the noseband, glancing at Sugar and asking, "You all right, doll?" There was a pause, then a hand nudged your shoulder, "Honey? You hear me?"

"Hmm?" You looked up, "Oh, wait, sorry, were you talkin' to me, Unc?"

"Yeah, darling. I mean, you look pretty tired, just asking if you're all right?"

"Wow, I come into work as my most beautiful, natural self and all anyone can say is I look tired?" You laughed, trying to lighten the mood, "Maybe I do need make-up."

"You're also in joggers."

"I didn't feel like putting jeans on this morning, sue me."

"And you're quiet as hell."

"So? Usually you're telling me to shut up."

"You have a college degree in yapping," Cicero chuckled, "so when you go silent, I know something's wrong."

"I'd have multiple PhD's if yapping was a real major," you joked. "But I promise, Unc, I'm all right. I didn't sleep last night, so, after we get this shit done, I'm gonna head out."

"Are you sure?"

"Positive, Unc. Tell you what, you can even drive me home when we're done."

Cicero nodded, "Good deal. Then, let's get crackin'."

It was the worst timing in the History of Clocks.

Pete called Sugar several times, so she finally answered when Cicero needed to run to the restroom; leaving you alone and defenseless in the office as Richie was out back for a smoke break. Carmen apparently arrived just in time, all but bolting into the office when he didn't immediately clock you in the kitchen.

The invisible timer began to tick.

"There you are!" Carmy gasped, startling you enough for your knees to bang up into the desk. "Ohhh, shit," he blinked when you grunted and rubbed your legs, "I'm so sorry, Honey, that was my fault, I should've called or something as I came in."

"It's fine, Carmen. Look, uh," you gestured to the paperwork before you, "we're almost done here, do you need something or can it wait? Kinda your restaurant on the clock..."

"I mean, it can wait, but are you busy, like, right now-right now? 'Cause, lookit, I gotta tell you, I had the best fucking night. I'm so serious, Honey. I went out with Claire - you remember Claire, right? - and it was, wow, just wow - I mean, this girl is the whole package, you know?" You bristled when he took a seat on the edge of your workspace and realized he was carefully avoiding usual pet names. He continued to ramble on about his incredible date with the incredible Claire, missing your lips pursed in patient annoyance as you listened to him without reaction; staring emotionlessly at the laptop screen. "Hey," Carmy waved a hand in front of you, causing you to flinch and automatically look towards him - albeit in annoyance. "Where are you right now? You're not here, in the present with me. You all right?"

You couldn't help but bite, "Mhm. Where's your phone?"

The invisible timer ticked louder, faster.

"What?"

"Your phone, Carmy, the thing you pay a monthly bill for so people can get in touch with you, or you with them. Ring any bells? Where's your phone, it'll play bells for you."

"Woah, hey," his hands went up in defense, "what's with the hostility? I left my phone somewhere here last night, Honey."

"Oh, sure. How convenient - "

"No, look, I'm serious - look, look around the fuckin' desk!"

You glared at him before shuffling the few papers and files, ready to snarl at him when you found his phone. "Why's it here?" You asked stiffly, handing over the shut-off device.

"I forgot it, I was in a bit of a rush."

"There a reason for your rushing?"

"Yeah, to get to my date with Claire - see, you weren't even listening to me, were you?" He let a twinge of frustration taint his tone, "You wanna bite my fuckin' head off about my fuckin' phone that I forgot at work, fine; but you're so mad about it that you didn't even listen to me? Jesus, fuck, who are you, my mother?"

You swear you heard 'oooohs' coming from outside the office.

"Oh, fuck you, Carmen! How about you check your messages before trying to come at me, you fuckin' bitch," you snapped, slapping your laptop closed and starting to pack up the desk.

"What the fuck are you so pissed off for? 'Cause I didn't text you 'goodnight' or 'good morning'? Grow the fuck up - "

"Hey!" Cicero charged into the office, interrupting the argument. "I don't know what the fuck is happening, but we're busy in here, Carmy - "

"No, actually... Actually, we're done for the day, Unc, I can do everything else at home."

"No, Honey, hang on - "

You stood abruptly to gather the last files from the desk, "No, it's fine, I'm exhausted anyway. I got stood up last night waiting for this jackass, so as you can imagine, I just want to go home, away from any and all others right now."

"Woah, hang on," Carmy pleaded, checking his repeatedly dinging phone he managed to turn on, "wait, what the fuck is this? Why did you call me - holy shit, seventeen times?!"

"Could you drop me at home, Uncle?" You pleaded softly.

"Of course, princess, but what the fuck is going on?"

You could only manage a fake, sad smile, "Carmy's the jackass who stood me up last night."

"No fuckin' shit!" Cicero gasped, looking between you. "Uh, yeah, yeah, Honey, sure, I can take you home, c'mon, let's go."

"I left these for Sugar, they're all filled out if she can just file them - the rest I can do from home," you tapped the files left behind, leading the way out of the office; Carmy stood to the side in shock as he caught up on his messages. "Think we could grab something to eat on the way?" You asked, desperate for distraction.

"Whatever you want, doll, of course," Cicero agreed easily, following you at a close range. The others scattered like roaches, pretending they weren't listening, but... C'mon... You know?

The invisible timer ticked louder, faster.

"Wait! Wait, Honey! Please, hang on," Carmy called after you, repeatedly shouting your name. "Wait, please, wait, wait, wait, hang on!" He pleaded in a race against time to clear the kitchen and reach you before you could walk away from him for good. His hand wrapped around your upper arm in a desperate attempt to stop you, but it only made you flinch.

"Carmen," Cicero spat in warning.

"It's okay, Unc. It's okay, we should probably hash this out, you know? I can - I'll meet you out front," you promised softly, patting his arm raised to protect you from Carmy's grab.

The invisible timer ticked louder, faster.

Cicero gave a 'harrumph' and pushed his glasses back up the bridge of his nose, glaring at Carm before taking his leave. You huffed and crossed your arms, turning to face your best friend, sneering, "What could you possibly have to say to me? You said enough last night."

"The fuck does that mean, we didn't even talk!"

You snapped, "Your silence was really fucking informative, Carmen!"

"That's what you're not fucking explaining to me! I don't even know what you're mad about!"

There was satirical amusement donning your expression as you gave a gruff chortle of disbelief. So, you broke it down, "By you not canceling the second you and Claire made plans or remembered you made plans with her first, by not answering me all night and humiliating me, leaving me there, alone, so you could go out with Claire said all I needed to hear. It was all you had to say. You were so fucking loud, it's a miracle I haven't burst an eardrum!"

"Honey," he sighed like you were a child throwing a tantrum, "it was an honest mistake. I don't get why you're blowing this up? We've literally forgotten about plans before, just help me understand why this one is so different? I want to fix this, tell me what the fuck is going on!"

Speaking of bursting an eardrum, the invisible timer ticked louder, faster.

Tears broke your waterline, "You've always been my best friend, Carm."

"You're mine, too - "

"But at some point, things changed for me. I get it's a personal problem, so I kept quiet because I loved being your friend, being in your life - I tried not to be greedy, but now I see we were just racing this inevitable clock. When you and I went through everything with Mikey, I thought it made us closer, stronger - "

"It did!"

" - but I also thought that maybe you weren't seeing me as before, as some kid, but as I am now - a woman."

"Honey..."

"Let me finish," you bit off, tears dripping down both your cheeks. "I still never said anything, I never wanted to pressure you, and truthfully, I always knew you had a thing for Claire, I knew one day someone would come around and replace me, but I still loved you. Despite everything with my family, with yours, I loved you. Despite any of my own reservations, my own fear about ruining what we have because it's better than losing you completely, I loved you. Despite the physical distance and all of your emotional distance, I loved you. And then, you come up to me, out of nowhere, and you asked me to go out with you. Twice, you phrased it that way, Carm."

"Honey, baby, please - "

"You asked me to go out with you, you set the time and place, I agreed. I showed up... I sat there as people came and went through the night, Carmen. It was humiliating an-and degrading and mortifying. Only to find out within seconds from Richie that you had left for a date with Claire - when there I was, alone, waiting for you, too. Like I said, I always knew you had a thing for her, and I knew one day someone would replace me, but holy fucking shit, Carm, I thought you had a little more decency, more respect than that after years of friendship - "

"How could you say that to me?" Carmy snapped with tears racing down both your cheeks, mindful of the distance as to not crowd you. "Knowing you're my best friend, the only person - "

"How could you leave me there, Carmen!?" You cried, making him freeze. "That was downright cruel and so fucking hurtful. So much so, in fact... I-It makes me feel we shouldn't talk for a while."

"What?"

"I'm so sorry, Carm, but I just - I don't think it's fair to anyone involved, nor those around us, to remain friends right now. So, we just... Need a break, or something. Being your friend is too fucking hard and so exhausting, it's been at my expense... We just need a break."

"No, hey, h-h-hang on a second, baby, wait, please," he halted you from turning away. "Listen to me, please, I'm so sorry. I really am, sweetheart, I'm so fucking sorry. Okay? I-I'm so sorry I forgot my phone and didn't see your calls or texts - "

You let your hand wave as if to physically pause the conversation, breathing, "That's what you think I'm upset about?"

"Well, yeah, and I'm sorry I couldn't call you, but you saw, you found it - I forgot my phone!"

"No... No, you didn't forget your phone, Carmen. Jesus Christ, you forgot me," you whispered, taking two steps back so he couldn't touch you even if he tried. "I really don't think we should talk anymore, okay? What you did was really fucked up, what you made me feel was even worse. I'll still help with the restaurant, I promised I would, and unlike you, I can be taken for my word because it means something. But I don't think you and I should work together, you make me so fucking uncomfortable - "

"No, hey, wait, baby, please, listen, listen, listen - I made one mistake," he pleaded, trying to step towards you but you reared back another three. "W-Why're you punishing me - punishing us - for one mistake? Please, Honey, I know I fucked up, but let me fix this!"

"Well, a stitch in time saves nine."

"The fuck?" Carmy chided, eyes narrowed.

"It means by doing proper the first time, you avoid problem later - but you don't have a lick of accountability, do you? No forethought, no comprehension to how your actions will affect others! It's not just 'one mistake', it's not just you standing me up, Carmy! Jesus, fuck, it's everything! I just poured my fucking heart out and you can't even say you love me back, can you?" You gave no time to answer, "No, of course not, because it's Claire - it's always gonna be Claire! It's always gonna be someone! So, I-I can't play second fiddle anymore, I won't - I can't be in love with you while you're in love with someone else, Carm. You've kept me on your back burner for too long, you forgot me, so you're not allowed to be surprised the kettle still whistles. I just can't do this, Carm, it's complicated and it hurts, it's not fair to either of us. So, I'll remove myself, no problem and work from home, but if I have to be here, please, limit our interactions best you can. For my sake, I'm begging you, give me fucking space."

"You're just gonna throw us away? I fuck up once, and that's it? Just like that?" Carmy begged, sounding earnestly confused. He looked like a kicked puppy. It broke your heart in a way last night couldn't. "I made one mistake, Honey, okay, yes, I take full responsibility! Please, let me try to fix this, okay? Please? I'm so sorry, I know that doesn't cover it, but lemme try to make all of this up to you. C'mon, baby, please, don't let me be the reason we both lose - just - okay, just let me fix this, please!"

"No, you know what? I'm not throwing anything away, I never did, Carm, you did when you chose Claire over me," you shrugged, tears strangling you once more. "Now, I need space... Can you give that to me or is that too much to ask for?"

"Why're you talkin' t'me like that? I-I'll give you whatever you ask for, Honey, you know that," Carmen sniffled, eyes reddening by the minute; hands going from hips to hair to forehead and back, unsure what to do.

You managed to get out, "I don't even know you anymore, it seems," before fleeing the kitchen, lungs choking on nothing. You couldn't get air in. You couldn't push any out, it was all so choppy and violent. With a hollow chest, you escaped out the front door; hating that you had to ignore Sugar and Richie calling after you, stumbling on the sidewalk and into Cicero's idling car.

"All right, let it out, you're all right, Honey. You're safe with Uncle Cicero," he soothed, rubbing your back as he pulled into traffic. "I know, I know... We all know, I'm so sorry this happened. What a fuckin' jagoff - you want me to pull my money from this restaurant? I'll do it - I'll do whatever - "

"No, no, no," you whimpered, sniffling and wiping your cheeks. "While I appreciate your ready and willingness to defend me, I don't want it at Carm's expense. I'll just work from home, it's not a big deal, and then... Maybe if I have to come in, I know Richie will be there to be a buffer, but maybe you could - "

"I'll be there whenever you ask, princess, you know that."

"Thank you," you squeaked as he drove past your usual street. "Oh, uh, I'm down South - "

"I thought we could make a run to the store, make sure you have all your comfort snacks so you don't have to go back out. Or do you wanna go straight home? You tell me, princess."

You gave a watery smile, a new wave of emotion choking your words, "Snacks would be really nice, thank you."

"You have dinner?"

"I don't know - "

"We'll get you some," he comforted, patting your knee as you just needed a safe space to cry. And for now, that was the front seat of your Uncle Cicero's 6-figure car.

You knew it was a formal invitation the moment you caught sight of it at your doorstep, indicating it was hand-delivered and not sent through the mail. It sent a flurry of unknown emotion through your veins; angry by its arrival, yet excited by what it meant. With a glance up and down the hall of your apartment landing, you found yourself alone; bending to pluck up the envelope and enter your home. Keys to the bowl, shoes left at the door in the foyer, coat hung up, purse deposited to the available end table; phone being pocketed as you turned for the kitchen to drop all mail on the counter.

You didn't open anything.

Instead, you got on with your evening after working your usual 9-5. After a steaming-hot shower, you smeared on a facemask to hydrate your tired skin; then shimmied into soft loungewear and fixed your hair for the night. In the living room, you turned on Netflix for background noise before scouring your kitchen for an appropriate dinner that would hopefully nourish you after such a busy day. You debated a glass of wine, thinking you didn't need it, but then pouring one as the glittering envelope taunted you from where you left it. You drank, glaring at the little piece of stationary as you cooked a simple stir fry concoction. Carmy taught you to clean while you cook, so, once your meal was dished up and whatever could've been stored in the dishwasher was, you poured yet another glass of wine, snatched the invitation, then nestled in the living room with your meal.

You still didn't open it.

The coffee table was larger than others; big enough to double as a work desk; the perfect height for you to still access while lounged back on the sofa. You had all kinds of documents spread, most pertaining to The Bear - which was finally set to open in about a week. It would've been an exhilarating time of celebration... Should you have been able to feel anything other than outright heartache.

For weeks now, you hadn't spoken to Carmy, the longest you've gone in your lives. You simply weren't ready to face the other side of rejection; spending this time building yourself up as an independent woman who didn't need no man, even if that man was your best friend. The idea that there was no place for you in Carmy's life or room for him in yours felt farfetched and illegal in some manner, as if it were taboo. You had a lot of navigating to do, and much farther to go, but for now, you were still in the adjustment phase. Never had you been without each other, it was weird to think this was it, there wasn't any going back; at least, not from you, yet, after such a putrid display of disrespect.

While you were stood up in just one restaurant, you avoided the entire marketplace as a whole out of sheer embarrassment. Granted, it wasn't a place you frequented, but it was still a hotspot some other friends had discovered and wanted to meet at for your weekly hang-outs. You couldn't tell them how triggered you felt because you didn't want to limit places to go, so, you figured bailing on them was the better option. It's not like you lied when you said you couldn't see them because of work - which was typically really crazy - but you could still make time if you wanted to; you had before. That's how much Carmy's hurt debilitated you, though.

Your plate was left to the side, dog sniffing around in the hopes of licking up whatever scraps you might've dropped; one hand holding the glass of wine, the other pinching the envelope by the corner. Deciding it was now or never, you ripped open the seal and retrieved the contents with delicate fingers, as if it would burn you.

The invisible timer started to tick.

You ignored the use of parchment paper. You ignored the perfume slightly wafting from it. You ignored the familiar script in silky ink. You ignored the certain choices you remember picking out, now used officially on the friends and family opening night invite.

You smiled sadly, letting the parchment card fall to the envelope left on the coffee table's corner. You took a long breath in, jaw wriggling; tears slowly forming, but not falling. For weeks, you had avoided any direct reminder of what happened; knowing you still worked as project manager, but able to sort of schedule your emotions around deadlines and necessary interactions. This particular piece of mail was impending, but unexpected today; where being invited to see the completed restaurant you helped design and erect was all but expected - just not today, per se. While every fiber of your being wanted to attend, nothing felt right about accepting when you knew you'd more than likely run into Claire and would have to interact with the others.

It felt too soon.

You had no right to go around any of them anymore.

What would you say?

Sniffling your emotion with a deep sigh, you leaned back to your back couch cushion with the last of your wine tipping to your mouth. While petting your pooch fondly, you wrestled mentally pros and cons, different logistics, like: who did you message your rejection or acceptance to? Did you bring a date? Did you go with Cicero? Were you supposed to wait after the crowd cleared to mingle with your friends? Were they still your friends? What did you wear? Should you make legit plans with other people so you had plenty of distraction that evening? So you had a solid alibi? Would anyone even question your absence?

Your dog whined when your phone vibrated violently in a phone call from another cushion. With a sigh, you leaned forward to set your wine glass down and snatch the offending object, answering, "Hey, Unc."

"Hey, princess. You busy? This a bad time?"

"No, no, I just finished dinner and am trying to will myself to finish the dishes. What're you up to?"

"Gettin' ready for bed - just wanted to check in on you..."

"Ohhh, I get it - so, you got a pretty little invite in the mail, too, huh?"

"I got something, yeah. I think it looks pretty nice, don't you think? Definitely Sugar's design."

You held back your sarcastic quip about how you had all but designed the invites, so, you answered instead, "Yeah, real nice, Unc, yeah, she's got real talent. You goin'?"

"Uh-huh, no beating 'round the bush with you, is there?" He sighed, making you smirk broadly, "I am, I'm goin', gotta visit my money, you know? Well, I was wonderin' if you wanted to go with me?"

"Oh, Unc - "

"I know, I know, but it could be nice. Just us! Or we could double date? My treat - I'm paying - "

"I don't know if I can go yet, I haven't checked my schedule. I got home, made dinner, ate, answered your call."

"Oh, shit," he laughed. "Well, you think about it and let me know, Honey, okay? Okay, seriously, it'll be nice, we can go together, or separate - you know, don't let me cramp your style."

You laughed, "Nah, you kinda up my game."

"As I should. All right, pumpkin, well, I should run - but you think about it, let me know what you think, okay?"

"Okay, Unc, sounds good. We'll talk soon, I love you. Goodnight."

"Love you, too, doll, goodnight."

The invisible timer ticked louder.

The invitation was the only thing clipped to the front of your fridge. It taunted you at every passing moment. For days, it demanded your attention - succeeding only because you knew you had to RSVP to someone. Friday loomed closer and closer, Cicero had sent you two reminder texts, and try as you might, the fracture to your heart wasn't easily plastered.

There was nothing but heavy pain each time you thought about attending, so, on Wednesday night, you texted Sugar: hey babe! love that F&F is happening! sadly i have some work shit to do so i can't be there ☹️💔 but the invites are gorgeous! congrats on everything, i can't wait to see it! thanks for thinking of me for the guest list! good luck on Friday! 😘

Then you texted Cicero you couldn't make it, and while he understood, Sugar replied: Thank you, my love. Fak was so proud to show us how to work Canva for those invites 😂 Sure there isn't anything I can do to change your mind? We'd all love to see you there!

You answered: no way, this looks like real handwriting! technology's going too far. and yeah babes, i'm sure, i got work shit so unless you yell at my boss, i'm kinda stuck 😂

Curiously, Sugar requested a photo of your invite; but without curiosity, she also requested your boss' phone number. After you sent the image, she replied: Oh wow! I guess Carmy went rogue and gave you a fancy handwritten invite. What a jerk. Is he still a jerk? I can't remember, we haven't talked about what happened! 🥲

You promised: nothing to talk about now, Sugar Mama. all good! i gotta run but i love you congrats again, gooooooooodnight! ❤️

You hated avoidance; the dejection, festering unworthiness, self-imposed punishment and isolation. Yet it was all you had now, rationalizing you were protecting yourself and this was a necessary defense for your newly instated peace. Sometimes, you had to do things like miss events because you're healing - and that should always take precedence because you were nobody's priority but your own.

You put a red line on your calendar through the words 'THE BEAR', nodding as if in assurance of your decision, then yanked the invitation from your fridge. Yet you hovered over the trash can, fingering the lettering and remembering Sugar's text: Carmy went rogue and gave you a fancy handwritten invite.

The trash can lid slammed shut.

The invisible timer ticked slower, quieter.

In your bedroom, you pulled a handheld trunk from your closet and knelt to the floor. Inside the trunk, you had placed all triggering Carmy centric mementos and memorabilia; dropping the invite to the towering piles. You carefully pushed some letters out of the way to pick up the journal he gifted from Denmark; flipping it open to any random page for study. Then you compared it to your invite and let a small, fond smile tug on yours lips; confirming it was Carmy's script, that he had, indeed, gone rogue.

When the trunk shut, so did the lid of your feelings.

Opening night had been something of a disaster, but the staff was ready to handle whatever obstacle. Granted, the head chef getting locked in the walk-in freezer wasn't on anyone's bingo card, Sydney was still a fucking superstar and commanded the kitchen in a gorgeously fluid and respectful manner. Richie stepped up and proved he was a newly-appointed expert in hospitality. Fak could take... some... direction. All in all, while not ideal or what was expected, it was an incredibly successful opening night! The staff was all rightfully proud of themselves, riding euphoric adrenaline highs.

The invisible timer began ticking.

Despite knowing Carmy had been freed from the freezer, nobody could locate him. Some theorized he went home to blow off steam, others teased maybe he went home with Claire - missing the way she left in tears earlier. However, when Tina, Fak, Syd, and Richie left the kitchen, they paused and let their proud smiles drop upon discovery of Carmy sitting, alone, in a back booth of his restaurant.

A dim, yet unmistakable comparison to what he did to you months ago.

There was temptation to leave him there; the entirety of the staff pissed off to the point they were giving Carm the cold shoulder for what he did to you. They credited you with damn near everything "The Bear" was, because while not your idea, not your dream, you gave it life and brought this place into fruition. Not to mention, you had taken on work as project manager for free - paid in the value of knowing you were helping such a good cause. A good family. It was a repeating fact; your everlasting endearment and compulsive support for anything and everything 'Berzatto'.

Yet despite their own simpering feelings, it was all dwarfed on examination of Carmy's decidedly pathetic statue. Syd felt a level of guilt the entire night, feeling it increase on sight of her technical boss; but to Fak, Richie, and Tina, who took Carm's slight against you personally, this was a heart-melting sight. There was a strange, mutual desire where the group went from wanting to kick Carmy's ass to just wanting to give him a hug and help the poor emotionally-inept dumbass.

"Go," Tina snarled quietly, pinching Richie's under arm.

"Me!?" He spat in shock, "Man, hell nah, fuck that guy!"

"Fuck you, too, Richie, c'mon," Sydney chided, pushing past them to lead the way up to Carmy. "Uh... Heeey, Chef?" She greeted in an unsure, sing-song voice.

"Chefs," he nodded meekly, immediately looking back to his anxiously twiddling fingers.

"Hey, Carm," Fak smiled warmly. "Whatcha doin' here, bud? Why're you all alone? In the dark? That's kinda creepy, dude."

"Nah, nothin'. Just, uh... Just waitin'."

"For what?" Fak asked, Richie smacking his arm. The tattooed man with a mustache flinched and cried, "What!? Now I can't ask my friends questions!? He's the one sitting in the dark like the Undertaker! Jesus!"

"Dude, just pause, be quiet," Richie scolded, shaking his head to silence the confused Fak. At Carmy, Richie directed, "Yo, Cousin, c'mon, let's just - let's all go home. C'mon, man, let's go. It's closing time."

"Yeah, yeah, uh," Carmy sniffled, "you guys go 'head, I'm gonna wait up for a bit."

"Carmy, it's late," Syd tried, "we aren't just gonna leave you here. So, come with us."

"Yeah, baby, c'mon," Tina tacked on in sympathy, "it's been a helluva night, we should all get some rest."

Fak and Syd and Tina all tried to encourage him with them, but Richie remained silent; just surveying the Chef. When a natural lull came after Carmy insisted again they go on without him, Richie scoffed, "Dude, c'mon... You know she's not comin'."

The invisible timer ticked louder, faster.

"Richie," Tina hissed.

"What?" He barked with his hand raised, glaring at Carm. "C'mon, man, it's late, she knew what time this was - and she told Sugar she couldn't make it 'cause of work. That's pretty definite. So... So, c'mon, let's go, dude, she's not comin'."

Before anyone could intervene again, Carmy snapped, "You don't know her like I do, Cousin."

"Know what? Fine," Richie laughed sardonically, "fucking fine, rot here for all I care, man - "

"No, c'mon, Richie! Hey! Don't be like that!" Tina called after him, sighing in defeat. "Sorry, Chef, I gotta run - " She leaned into the booth to peck Carmy's cheek before rushing her farewells to the others, then running out the door, calling, "Richie! Wait, baby, hold on!"

Sydney and Fak awkwardly stood around, not knowing what to do or say, so Carmy insisted they go home, too; he was gonna wait just a little longer for you then head out. They believed him, or at least, enough to listen to their bodies and go home for some form of rest. Carmy twisted the locks on all doors after them, leaving only the front undone with his seat facing directly forward.

The invisible timer ticked louder, faster.

He waited with his elbows on bouncing knees. He waited and devised his nonnegotiable list. He waited with his feet in the booth. He waited while rearranging his ideal table setting. He waited and redid the tape in the walk-in. He waited on the sidewalk, chain smoking. He waited while scrubbing the kitchen, top-to-bottom. He waited and took liquor inventory.

He waited, replaying the events of your fight in his mind. He hated what he said, how he behaved, the expression on your face; praying you'd accept his olive branch - thinking a handwritten invitation was enough. Carmy just assumed you'd remember he was better at talking rather than writing or texting - hoping his script was enough for you to know he wanted to see you in person, not just send messages of apology. He wanted you to have space, he thought a couple of months was enough; so, hopefully you were still fluent in the words he never spoke or wrote.

This inspired Carmy to call Richie's phone to leave a voicemail of apology and love after reminiscing their own fight. It also made him want to call you, too - but this urge was resisted when the image of your heartbroken expression shot to mind.

The invisible timer ticked louder, faster.

Eventually, Carmy settled in the corner booth; arms crossed, feet up, still watching the door. He noted the sun was rising and the city waking up; cars buzzing by, commuters starting to crowd the sidewalk. His eyes burned with the yearn for sleep, yet his mind would not quell; unable to forget your tears, the devastation you showed, how he was the sole cause of it all.

Carmy repeated he was a failure, he let you down and betrayed any and all trust the pair of you had in one another. He should've told you the truth; that he could see himself loving you romantically, he just never thought it was an option, so it purely wasn't on his radar. In Carmy's mind, even trying to cross such an important friendzone could make you feel unsafe if you didn't feel the same way; so it was something he wrote off long ago. It was part of why Claire was so tempting to him, but he needed you - like a fish needed water.

He was able to comprehend (now) that his actions weighed on more than himself, but you, too; that given proximity, you were forever doomed - or destined - to be his collateral damage. Carmy also understood this wasn't a lease you could continue to cosign for any longer when he desecrated the house and home your friendship lived in. So, it was his job to prove he could be the man you fell in love with, that he could deserve you; all he needed was a chance, and it was better late than never.

Understandably, Carmy felt pitiful, purely ridiculous that this is what it took for him to realize nobody mattered to him more than you; nobody could ever compare, there would never be a competition. That he didn't care for Claire's thoughts, opinions, nor ideas like yours; how he found himself wanting to impress you, not her; hating when his phone rang with her ID and not yours. You had given Carmen exactly what he wanted, and yet, it was everything he hated and nothing he needed. Carmy prayed to an unspecified deity that your decade+ friendship was strong enough to withstand - or recover from - his insolence.

Yet when the front door opened, it revealed only Richie; a delight unto itself, but not the ray of sunshine the mournful Chef desired.

The invisible timer ticked louder, faster.

Carmy deflated with definitive defeat into the booth, tears falling in rapid finality. His lips parted just a fraction to let his breath escape in easier huffs, a buzzing whine filling his ears as icy realization washed over him: your friendship was truly well and over.

"Cooked," as the kids say. Your friendship was cooked.

Richie paused in the walkway, sighing deeply before slowly moseying over. He silently placed a twin cup of coffee to the table and dropped to the booth across from Carmy, both silent and stewing. Richie peaked up first, finding Carmen's attention locked on the door like a golden retriever; but the flooding tears halted any derisive comment he instinctively wanted to hurl. Richie asked before taking a sip of coffee, "She didn't show, did she?"

The invisible timer ticked louder, faster.

"Nah, she didn't," Carmy whispered, the tears flowing faster, "'cause I really fucked up this time, Cousin. She's really fuckin' done with me. Not that I blame her, but... But holy shit..." Carmy dissolved into lung-stuttering tears, bowing his head in shame as he obviously attempted to get a handle on his emotions; only ever used to having them freely around you.

Richie sighed and leaned over the table to clap his hand to Carm's shoulder, muttering, "Hey, hey... For what it's worth, I'm really fuckin' sorry, Carmen... I am, I know you love her." His lips rolled between his teeth, letting Carm have his (several, long) moments before trying to sound lighter, "Look, of course, Honey didn't show up to open, but she doesn't have a malicious bone in her body. You haven't shown her you're sorry! She's still pissed off and worse, she's hurt, Cousin! Know what I mean?

"I know," Carmy whispered in despair.

The invisible timer ticked louder, faster.

"So, cut the fuckin' shit, man, time is of the essence! Maybe if you, like, stopped fuckin' cryin' and actually try fuckin' apologizin', Honey'll soften up - you know, like, feel safe enough to come around sometimes. Maybe be a li'l more receptive to you not being so much of a dickhead?"

This made Carmen perk up slowly, pinching the bridge of his nose, questioning, "The fuck are you talkin' 'bout?"

"The fuck did I just say? Get off your ass and apologize to that girl who's so sweet, she's literally called Honey. She's human, she just wants your remorse, dude, you owe it to her; so apologize and leave her be, and when she's ready, she'll let us know, maybe even come back 'round."

The invisible timer ticked slower, quieter.

After a pause, Carmy asked, "Think she'll come back?"

"Only time will tell. Apologize first, you inconsiderate jagoff."

"Way to kick a man."

"We're in this 'cause of you, you fuckin' pussy!"

"Oh, real nice, fuckin' jackass," Carm scoffed, wiping his cheeks and finally accepting the coffee.

"Now you sound like her," Richie smirked, sharing a secret snicker. The pair fell into contented silence, just mulling over each other's nights; either displaying signs of anxiety; where Richie bounced his leg, Carm picked at his fingers wrapped around the cup of coffee.

The invisible timer ticked slower, quieter.

After several too-long minutes, Richie started snickering.

"What're you laughing at?" Carm mumbled.

Richie had to control his giggles, wiping a finger in the corner of his eye, "Something that can only be explained later."

"What's that?"

"...Mikey would've owed Tina about $6k right now."

"The fuck - ?"

"I said later!"

requesting rules and masterlist

The Bear masterlist

-> no part two planned!

[gamblersdoll]

i have a fic ideaa!

so it’s sundress season and reader is looking cute in her lil dress so she goes out with hakari. hakari keeps getting annoyed with how much people keep staring at reader’s body so he snatches her into the bathroom and lets them know 🤭

cw: 18+, public sex, praise. ive been scrolling in my feed for hours tryna find this when i couldve just gone into my inbox. im a dummy.

“kin?” you ask, holding his hand under the table. both of you were at some lousy burger joint he wanted to go to, since he had a bad craving for meat.

“mm.” he grunted.

“whats wrong witchu’?” you ask, squeezing his hand for a quick second. you leaned into him, rubbing his back. “does your food not taste good? ill call them over–“

“thats not it, babydoll.” he said flatly, bouncing his knee. his eyes darted all over the place, scanning for something.

“then whats up?” you ask, frowning at this point. he stands up and tugs at your hand, signaling you.

“lets go.”

and it was a quick drive off.

you had more errands to run, heading into wallyworld and you briefly got the groceries that you needed for the house.

you felt like you were being watched, like you had millions of eyes on you. was it something in your hair? on your face? you didnt know. hakari hadnt said anything, so it couldnt be that. but he was upset about something.

“leave the buggy there. and follow me.” he said, taking you into the family bathroom swiftly.

“kin–“

“do you want to know why im pissed, and why everyone is staring at you?” he says, trapping you into the bigger stall on the end and sucking on your ear. you moaned out, nodding your head. “it’s your damn sundress. you look too fucken good.” he mumbled, now nibbling at the flesh.

“thats what it was?–“ you ask, before his large hand is on your throat, kissing you deeply until you pulled away for air. your dress was pulled up, and this pissed him off more.

“and no fuckin’ wonder— you had no draws on!” he growled out, shrinking to his knees and licking up at your clit. your hand immediately flew to your mouth, and your hips bucked into his mouth.

“m sorry- i didn’t realize–“ you muffle out, hakari making quick work of his jeans and taking his cock out. you were instantly flipped around, hips pulled to his.

“i bet you didn’t, not your fault though.. just gotta let ‘em know..” he whispered into your ear as he strategically slipped himself inside you, covering your mouth as you moaned from the intrusion.

his hips snapped into you quickly, never faltering. even if someone came in, he didnt slow nor fastened, he just kept going. “you like this, ‘ma?” he asked, close to your ear. you nodded, and him chuckling. “yeah? how much? tell papa how much you like it.” you squeeze around him, and he grips at your hips and thrusts into your cervix vigorously.

“kin baby–“ you softly moan out, hands firmly pressed against the wall and a creamy white ring forms at the base of his cock.

“thats it.. keep creamin’ on this dick.” he says, sucking at your earlobe again. “say my fuckin’ name babydoll.” he groaned.

“kinji— shiit!” you cry out, legs becoming wobbly. he groaned, spilling his load into your pussy, gripping harder at your hips as he shuddered.

“remind me to massage your hips later, i kinda gripped too hard.. sorry mama.” he says apologetically, kissing at your neck the cheek. you nodded.

once you came out the family bathroom after your little clean up, you continued shopping for whatever else you needed.

yet, you were banned from that wallyworld for approximately six months.

oh well, it wasnt the main one you went to, since your main was only ten minutes away, as the one you went to today was forty minutes away.

[sky-kiss]

Raphael/Tav (Reader): Indulgence

A/N: I dunno. Had an urge. Here's a lil nothing.

Shall he be honest, mouse?

Sex is not one of those concepts upon which he lingers. It is an all too human urge, sated by demons, indulged only by the more indolent of devil-kin. Raphael recognizes its power, of course—he is neither ignorant nor blind.

But oh, there are sweeter delights. The sort of things mortals could only dream of, akin to colors outside their limited perspective. What was sex compared to a star’s light going out after dimming over a thousand years? What was sex beside a deal well negotiated? A kingdom falling? The screams of thousands as they begged for deliverance, only for the gods to turn a deaf ear? 

The answer, sweetling: it was nothing at all. 

It does not keep him from taking his pleasure with Haarlep. 

Or with you.

And there is a renewed thrill in having you, pet. Lacking the grace, finesse, and breadth of knowledge of his incubus, but better for the novelty. You scream so prettily when he bites your shoulder, hissing and clawing at him with no pretense. You still yelp when he pushes into your body, biting down on your lip hard enough to draw blood. You thrash and lose your rhythm—so blessedly undone, all by his hand. 

So weak. So mortal. 

You don’t taste like sweet poison when he kisses you. No, sweetling, you are decaying leaves and the passage of time. You are a guttering candle, piteous and small beside his flame. You are such a little, little thing. So low—so beneath him. 

Raphael hitches your legs higher around his hips, head tipped back, groaning into the overheated air. Sweat glistening on your skin, belly, and breasts, a patchwork of kiss-sucked bruises. You are spent beyond the telling of it, must be, but…

You rock your hips against him, inviting him to continue, eyes still lit with the challenge. More, it says. You can survive more. 

It’s the challenge he likes, Raphael supposes. The indomitable beauty of the mortal spirit: rising to meet adversity and its betters. 

He will break you, must break you. He is better, and he must. 

You scream for him, clinging, his name rapturous on your tongue.

But you are not broken. No, not yet. You're still staring up at him that damnable look. Bloodied but not broken. Spent, but not obedient.

It will not do.

It is a simplistic battle, yes. But Raphael will not rest until he might call himself victorious.

[temporarily-your-saint]

Dull Blades

sneak preview of a benjicot blackwood x targaryen oc fanfic ~

word count: 469

tropes: slow burn, angst, daddy issues (lots of family issues in general tbh), forbidden lovers, marriage pact,

warnings: none for this right now! later on it will most certainly have mature themes ~

Helpless. She felt utterly helpless. It was hard to feel anything else in that moment aside from one other: rage. Rhaelana’s amethyst eyes clouded over into a blank stare as an echo rang in her ears.

“Rhaelana?”

She looked up to where the voice was speaking from. Nodding slowly, she walked around her father to pass through her chambers, into the hallway, and then down the cold stone stairs.

It couldn’t be true. They wouldn’t risk that. No, Otto wouldn’t risk that. It’s absolute barmy.

The princess turned down another hallway, scurrying to find her queen mother.

“Mother?” she called out, her voice echoing back to her in the empty halls. “Mothe–“ but before she could finish, a voice interrupted behind her.

“She’s gone. Your mother left on Syrax,” Daemon answered quickly. His eyes bore into hers as she turned around, searching for her thoughts. He recognized those eyes for they were her mother’s. She held that same lost but intense gaze moments ago before coming to tell his daughter of the heartbreaking news.

His shoulders dropped as he took in her appearance. She may have taken after her mother in beauty but his daughter truly carried his rage.

“Well, we must do something, anything,” the princess’s face shifted from anger to desperation as she plead with the king consort.

“That’s not my call to make, Rhaelana. At least not yet. For now, we must wait,” Daemon’s words were firm yet she could tell that he too was frustrated, aching for action. For now, they were to stay put and obey their queen. Though, there were no orders as of yet. But it’s all they had to work with for the time being and Rhaelana hated it.

Her eyes swelled with tears at his words. How was she supposed to wait? Her mother was now gone and her sweet, baby brother slain by their own kin. Their deceitful, wicked kin. Preposterous.

How had it come to this?

Yes, there had been ongoing tension when the family came together while her grandfather, King Viserys, had been alive. But this? To kill a boy. A young, boy. A messenger! She knew her brother had not gone looking for a fight. Oh, how her uncles had stooped so low…

The back of her hand found her cheeks as she wiped the burning tears that began to fall from her eyes.

She took a step forward as a harsh whisper erupted from her throat while the princess spoke, “I will end Aemond. It will come one day that I am to face him and you will not stop me. Nor mother.”

With those final words, Rhaelana strode past Daemon and back to her chambers. Seconds later he heard the old wooden door of her room slam.

Certainly, my daughter, he thought to himself.

══ ══ ══ ══ ══ ══ ══ ══ ══ ══

Hi, hello! I’ve been cooking something up while watching the second season. MAAAJOORRR brainrot mode. What started out as a little one-shot blerb in my brain has taken over completely, soooo here’s a little teaser for it. The two parts of Dull Blades will be incorporated into the fic but will have little tweaks! I’m planning on posting Part 3 of it but then that will be it until the actual fic ~

Anyways, I have been having so much fun writing Rhaelana and Daemon’s complicated father-daughter relationship and couldn’t wait soooo here you go—a lil offering before the season finale and before I post Part 3 and then the actual fic. 🤲

[torturedblue]

It’s the middle of the week, have some dancing turtles

Spoilers below as I gush about my Mutant Mayhem Monday experience 🤗 please feel free to gush with me I wanna hear other people’s thoughts too!

First off… When Seth wanted to put the teenager in TMNT he meant it. Like, all the versions act like teenagers, but like Nickelodeon PG stereotypical teens. MM turtles were the realest PG-13 outta pocket 21st century teenagers I’ve ever seen and I love that shit because it’s the first time I actually felt like I was around the kids in middle school and high school again with the way they talk. Kinda appreciate Superfly cussing too? Like idk it’s Ice Cube and this villain goes hard tryna kill some teenage turtles he formally saw as his lil cousins, let the grown mutant cuss

Also uh, was not expecting to be sad so early in the movie? Like I could tell from the trailers it was gon be an emotional rollercoaster but shit like ten minutes in and these turtles are fuckin depressed. And to see it really hit me because in every other version (except for Bayverse) the turtles literally never let not being part of the human world get to them. In the shows especially they’re so well adjusted and never bothered by sticking to the shadows. Then there’s Rise where they pretty much go out whenever they want and indulge in most of the human world stuff they want to. For these guys to be so stunted and desperate to have more freedom was so heart wrenching. Especially when Splinter grounds them for a whole month and the reality sinks in of how much they know the life they want isn’t an option for them

Wasn’t expecting any kind of ship or romance but that crush Leo has on April hit me like truck because…… holy crap the Leo-April pair has never been a thing? On top of that this is only the second on screen black April we’ve seen and I’ve been a Leo kinnie across the board since day one so to see this combo of my favorite character liking a black girl is making me lose my mind 🥲 and like it got me thinking of several of my favorite shows and the single characters I kin in those and if they’ve ever had black love interests and it’s just still not a common normalized thing honestly.

I’m sure a lot of people aren’t excited for the prospect of ships coming back (especially after 2012 scarred us) but as a Leo lover and black girl it got me so excited to see something like this. I’m just hopeful and optimistic they won’t mess it up like a lot of shows do. The “this is just as friends line” already makes me a little worried bc that trope never has a good history but I have faith they’ll handle things tastefully and not make it toxic or messy

MURDER THE SHREKS!

“I assume you’d wanna be on camera. ‘Cause you have, like a very camera ready look…” OKAY SMOOOOOTH LEONARDOOOOOO 👏🏽

Could not stop laughing while he was shooting his shot my face was literally donnie’s restraining myself from bursting out laughing

Just a couple of my favorite questions that April wrote down for them:

“Do you carry salmonella?” Look I still don’t know wtf salmonella is but it’s the second time a TMNT iteration has joked about it so I’m starting to think it has something specifically to do with turtles 👀

“Have you caught covid?” Oml covid exists in this world

“Are you the source of covid?” OUT OF LINE 💀

“How many people has the red bandana turtle stabbed? Does he need therapy?” Yes.

“Does sunlight cause you to burst into flames?” They’re- they’re not vampires? 😂

Leon Ardo deserves the world and whatever he wants in it give him everything 😭

I will never understand what made Donnie laugh so hard at the name Nardo other than it being because it’s his sibling and that it bothers Leo lmao

All imma say about the puke scene is that I’m glad I heard an “out of context” spoiler about it bc I knew exactly when to look away and I’m glad I did bc the scene lasted for so long??? 😀❓But hey at least I had Unwritten to listen too while I was sparing my eyes 😂

The sequence of them going around and shaking down those gangs and Superfly’s connections. BAD. ASS. And each of them got their own moments to shine? Loved it. Like they each even got to take point and have their moments where they got to kick in the door lol. And the fight scenes were just, muah. Chef’s kiss, they all looked amazing taking grown ass adults down together

Okay Splinter definitely gets the best dad award for putting together that little surprise party, with all the celebrity Chris’s and pretending to wait on them 🥺 so pure. It did make me sad the guys immediately left and you can just see such a sad dejected look on Splinter’s face, knowing he can’t provide what his kids really want or make them happy enough without it 🥲 At the very least they say thanks and that they appreciate but I would’ve at least stayed for a lil bit and gone along with it, Splinter just looked so excited about it and it was so sweet 😭

And he doesn’t even get upset though he knows they’re hiding something, he just says he’ll help them if they’ve gotten into trouble, which is something I’m sure almost every kid has wanted instead of having the kind of relationship where they’re more scared of telling their parents they messed up instead of handling it on their own

I love how musical Superfly’s family is 😂 Ray Filet just starts sing-introducing his name and Mondo and the other couple mutants when they drive with in the car trying to find music they could all sing to together 🥹 not to mention the musical references Superfly makes later that I’ll get to. “Kinda don’t wanna murder everyone on Earth, I just kinda wanna sing” Me too bruh.

Raph immediately going “goochi goochi goo” and playing peekaboo with Genghis frog is so underrated that boy has such a soft side he’s not even that afraid of showing at times, and maybe it’s continuing the trope of Raph having a soft spot for pets/animals? Who knows 😌

Yo I was kinda shook when that government guy knocked Leo out and he just fell unconscious on the ground 😶 Like we’re used to seeing the authorities be brutal especially in movies like this but that’s a whole teenager? You just assaulted a minor? 🙂 Crazy

Also I know it’s sad they got captured and drained painfully but Mikey in that scene was hilarious 😂 like even the way he was dramatically crying and Leo was just started to cry with him like “iM sO sOrRy mIkEeEeEy! 😭” gold. When one of his children is hurting Leo hurts too. One of my favorite moments 🤣

They literally started singing BTS while being tortured they’re so unserious but like in a serious way to them and I love it. Also the fact that they did it just to make Donnie feel better? So pure. Like Raph of all turtles offered to sing while being drained of blood (bc I refuse to use the m word 💀)

The way Splinter snuck in and soloed literal government soldiers single handedly? Badass. Never loved seeing a Splinter save his sons so much 🥹

“But it’s the only way we’ll be accepted.”

“No! We accept you!”

“You can come live with us! We accept you!”

“WE VIBE!”

Oml they’re so puuuuure 😭 I really thought this was gonna be a moment where the guys invite them all to come live with them and Splinter was gonna be like ‘aha 😬 whoa slow down there’ but damn nah he was just as enthusiastic as them inviting all those mutants to come live in their home forever “The more the merrier!” Like ugh he just loves finding family like Baxter Stockman and we see where the guys got their loving nature from 🥹

The amount of his soul Mikey put into that BROSEEEPH was so real like I’ve never heard the name broseph be said in any other way, I’m so glad they put that moment in there

“New York, New York!” “I’m the king of New York!”

Oml superfly’s a Broadway baby 🤗 he’s a big bad villain marching through time square and talking about King Kong but he’s fill gonna nerd out and make his musical theatre references 😂

“For once in your life you didn’t sound lame. You actually started to sound like a leader”

“That was really heartfelt Raph”

I love the Leo Raph dynamic in this movie. Like they don’t always agree or understand each other but they will show love towards one another and show mutual appreciation

Something about any of the turtles shells cracking always gets to me for some reason like those are some serious permanent injuries so I want to see if they do anything special with that in the sequel or show maybe 🤔 And I couldn’t tell if all of theirs cracked or just one, and if so which turtle it was. I think Leo or Raph. I feel like it was Leo but Raph’s are also starting to have a trend of getting cracks in their shells so 🤷🏽‍♀️

Also I do not want to judge what other people like to wear but why are Raph and Donnie the only normal dressed ones 😭 like Mikey looks like he’s going on vacation and Leo looks like he’s going to clock in at Best Buy 😂 tell me it’s because they have limited resources for clothes lmao. HE’S LITERALLY WEARING A LANYARD

Them taking off the masks was crazy honestly… like them deciding not to wear them made my brain pause until I realize they’re kids going to school now and not being ninjas all the time… they don’t need them anymore. I’m just so pleased with the fact that this movie was willing to do what all other iterations weren’t. I see why they’re getting a sequel and show already, these guys and the plot development deserve so much more exploration

Maybe I missed something in the beginning but I’m wondering where Stockman went. Like is he still in custody? Did he die? Because not seeing him again that’s what I assumed but we only saw him get arrested or whatever, so if anything I don’t get why Superfly and the others wouldn’t try to break him out 🤔 I was surprised they didn’t make him a villain though, but I’m pretty happy about him getting to be a more optimistic kind character tho

SHREDDER HAD ME SHOOK LIKE THE ARMOR ALREADY LOOKED SO COOL AND I WAS NOT EXPECTING THEM TO GET THE BIG BAD INVOLVED AHHHH I’M SO READY TO SEE THEM REACT TO THIS ANGRY GIANT TIN CAN

Although I do wonder if Shredder’s gonna have some personal gripe with them since they have a different backstory he doesn’t seem to be a part of. And shit now that they’re public and in school it’s gonna be so much easier for him to go after them 😅 pluses and minuses…

The soundtrack: golden. Cultured. Nothing but range. Goes from a 90’s rap song to Natasha Bedingfield’s soulful 2000’s song. Most movies only ever have all pop mainstream songs or only rap songs because they think they can’t mix but MM does it effortlessly. The turtles are so versatile not just with music genres but they make old and new references ‘cause they’re well rounded kings 💪🏽 Between rizz, Adele, broski, Hey Arnold, K-Pop, Ferris Bueller, etc… I mean Donnie’s literally doing the sprinkler and the funky chicken in that gif up top 😂 they’re born in 2008 I doubt any kids today know about those dances anymore

Clearly I have all the thoughts and feelings about these boys and the movie, but I think this is probably my favorite TMNT movie? I’ve loved all of them but I think this one definitely brings me the most comfort fr

[relatableblorbopoll]

Round 1 of preliminaries, group 6

The first two places get a place on the bracket

Little reminder: there will be 2 more rounds of preliminaries, the losing blorbos of this poll still have 2 chances of getting in the official bracket

propaganda under the cut

Jesper Fahey (Six of Crows)

No Propaganda

Crowley (Good Omens)

"He's gender. He's been in love with one guy for literally 6000 years and then royally fucks up his entire confession. He yells at his plants. He drapes himself over every fucking surface he sits on. He walks like *that*. He just fuckin makes sounds sometimes. He's me fr."

Dave Strider (Homestuck)

"everything that can be said about Dave's relatability will probably sound redundant, clichéd, or overdone if you are at all familiar with tumblrs sort of blorbo culture. this is exactly why he should be in this tournament.

stop me if you think that you've heard this one before: he hides his genuine emotions behind a persona, deflects sincerity with jokes, but also has a deep desire for validation and connection, so that his persona has many cracks where little bits of his true self slip through. deeply insecure, compares himself to others. a defeatist streak, avoids responsibility. does not wish to be troubled by The Horrors. he just wants to hang out and do his lil creative hobbies (making music and drawing comics). talks a lot to the point of being pretty awkward, rambling, and accidentally saying stuff he shouldnt.

all these things I think tend to resonate deeply with a lot of people, especially on Tumblr - that "person who is insecure and struggles with emotional openness so copes by making jokes" sort of trope, it's just like kin bait (affectionate). he also has a complicated relationship with gender which I know many find relatable (shout out to the "Dave homestuck was my trans awakening" homies) but whether it's about figuring out gender or sexuality or trauma or the apocalypse or anything else, Dave comes at it with an initial, learned, fear and reluctance that I think a lot of people have experienced, because it's very human and very much a part of many readers experiences (we live in a society). but he's always good, and likeable and that makes for a very important sort of relatable character. very comforting. even if he's a mess and he's an idiot you can believe he can get to something better, and you can watch him develop and grow.

also, I think he's extremely relatable because he never really knows what's going on in the comic either. I mean, that's gonna be relatable to most people Vis a vis homestuck. he's confused and he just wants to vibe and make his friends laugh. WHO AMONG US cannot relate?? I do not believe you if you say no.

I wrote too much and got way too weird about it. I'm sorry it's late I'd edit down but I really don't have the brain capacity.. which is very Dave core of me actually"

Junior (Total Drama Presents: The Ridonculous Race)

"i relate to him a lot because his whole character is being embarrassed of his dad who tries too hard to be cool, but still loves him anyways. that is literally me"

Kim Dokja (Omnicient Reader's Viewpoint)

"kim dokja. oh kim dokja. so, without going into spoilers too much, kim dokja is very much a character you are expected to relate to and it makes the novel DEVASTATING. here's just a few things about him: - he is obsessed with a particular piece of media, and finds comfort in it when real life doesn't give him any. he's constantly thinking about it and defending it and trying to recommend it to other people (even though no one else bothers reading it, because it is an objectively bad 3000-chapter webnovel). even beyond that one novel, he's been using fiction as an escape for just about his entire life, something that rings true for a lot of people, especially in the modern world. - he struggles with socializing with other people. the first chapter alone gave me so much second hand embarrassment. it's so real but god it's So bad. he has zero friends and has that sort of loneliness where you're miserable but you can't really bring yourself to feel anything but resigned to it. in general he is just very Resigned to his unfortunate life and can't fully understand or accept it when it finally does get better - he has a complicated relationship with his mother. it's the kind of relationship where the parent genuinely does love their child, but they fail to give them what they need & have to accept that they hurt their kid and that they cannot be the most important person in their life. it's certainly not a universal experience but those sorts of parent-child relationships are woefully common but scarcely acknowledged -the insecurity. god there is so much insecurity in that man. it's hard to even completely tell it's there at first, because it's so ingrained in how he thinks that you don't question it until you know more about his character and suddenly it's all too apparent. he cannot believe that he can be loved (or, if that he can be, that they certainly would not be able to love all of him, only what he chooses to show them), and is selfless but like. the literal meaning of the word, where he will throw away all of his being for the people he loves. in general there is a lot of sacrifice as a love language which like. while i'm not off around throwing myself in front of magic death beams for people or anything i sure would give up everything i could if it meant helping the people i love - ok enough of that. here's some funny things i can relate to. the guy meets his favorite fictional blorbo and instead of worshipping him instead he bullies him constantly and internally complains about how unbearable he is both in the book and in real life. it's like a "i love my blorbo. i would not last 2 seconds in a room with him." You know. he gets so caught up in his fanon characterizations and biases about characters that he completely mischaracterizes them like constantly. he literally kills a guy half because he was his least favorite character. -this is a poll about blorbo relatability. therefore i must mention that kim dokja too related to his blorbo (or at least attempted to) and what is more relatable than that. anyways. kdj made me realize far too much about myself and is by far the most i have ever related to a character (and i Hate it). and tumblr would definitely relate to him too so :thumbs-up:"

"(SPOILERS) He is literally all of us. Reader. Just some guy. And then insane tragic backstory. But he’s also just some guy. He’s special and also just a guy. He’s also god. He can be shipped w anyone. He has versatility and interests and motivations. He also never tells anyone anything ever. He is so me."

"He reads a trashy, long-ass novel as a coping mechanism and doesn't think he's capable of being loved. Bro dissociates when he's emoting too much."

"I'm a homestuck fan, a Dave Strider fan even Never heard of Omnicient Reader's before Voted for the kim fellow because judging by the propaganda it looks like he himself would be a homestuck reader therefore making him more relatable than the homsetuck character himself"

"This guy’s been my companion since I was 11, I’ve grown up with Omniscient Reader’s Viewpoint and I think that’s pretty funny since he grew up with Ways of Survival (the 3149 chapter novel) and therefore I’m straight up mirroring him. I, too, scare everyone off by being too enthusiastic whenever the webnovel is brought up! His insecurities are severe but I do see myself in some parts of him (which is worrying but whatever.) He is absolutely The Guy Ever. Utterly pathetic wet cat of a man. I love him. He represents the crazy fandom tumblrina in all of us."

Donutella (Tokidoki)

"she's made of donuts basically like me at this point"

[zomvom]

Zom’s ososan headcanons! :3

Just kinda stream of consciousness style, any may be subject to change, feel free to talk to me about your own hcs! :3c

This is a repost of my twt thread, I’ll list what I have down already, any new hcs or changes to previous ones I’ll just put in reblogs

These are all my personal headcanons! I kin ichimatsu so many of hcs for him are based off myself! This is just for fun but if you don’t agree with or like them that’s perfectly fine! Feel free to block or ignore me!

———

First things first I hc all 6 of the matsus as autistic and trans in some kind of way!

I think oso, kara, choro, ichi, and jyushi are all transmasc and todo is transfem! Transfem choro is also cute tho

Either way tho, none of them are neurotypical or cis!

Oso: He/Him trans man. Is currently on T. Prefers a binder over transtape cuz it’s less work but only wears it like half the time cuz he’ll often forget to put it on when getting dressed and it’s too much work to take his shirt off, put on his binder n put his shirt back on lol also he’s bi with a preference for women!

Kara: He/They trans man. Pansexual. Currently on T. Has gotten top surgery! Wants to get cool tattoos over his scars but is a wuss lol he also still gets a lil nervous bout shot day after all this time but puts on a brave face

Choro: He/She transmasc bigender. Omnisexual. Low dose T. Doesn’t bind all the time but prefers transtape over a binder when she does cuz it’s not as hot since he’s often wearing an undershirt anyway

Ichi: He/Him transmasc agender. Gay oriented aroace. Has gotten top surgery! Was on T for a good while but stopped for various reasons. Also prob has some kinda cat themed neopronouns just for funsies haha

Jyushi: He/Him trans man. Is on T. Who needs to bind or get top surgery when you can just hella work out? lol I don’t think he cares about labels but he’s def some kind of multisexual, maybe bi? Maybe pan?

Todo: She/Her and Fae/Faer trans woman. Is on estrogen. Bi with a preference for women

_______

Eyesight from worst to best!

Choro: very nearsighted! usually wears contacts nowadays but will occasionally wear his square/rectangle glasses to give her eyes a break. Still has his old round glasses from hs as back up tho

Kara: his vision isn’t as bad as choromatsus but it’s still not great! Farsighted. He refuses to wear normal glasses cuz he thinks it’ll make him look lame so his sunglasses are prescription instead, nobody knows that tho! Also has some form of strabismus, one of his eyes tend to move slightly inward.

Oso and Ichi: they’re both nearsighted and are at about the same level of vision. Neither of them are nearly as bad as choro and kara tho! Still, they would probably both benefit from glasses but choose to just live their lives a bit blurry lol Also ichi has visual snow! And while ichi is aware his vision isn’t the best, oso is oblivious and thinks it’s completely normal

Jyushi: also has strabismus! His is more noticeable and tends to move outward! but aside from that his vision is actually relatively good!

Todo: is the only one with 20/20 vision lol I feel like she would sometimes wear glasses just for fashion and choro hates it haha

———

Ichi has chronic fatigue, chronic pain, and pnes! (Psychogenic Non Epileptic Seizures)

I’m not sure if I want him to have exactly what I have in regards to his chronic pain condition, which for me is fibromyalgia, but I’ll prob end up going in that direction anyway since I project onto him so much anyway ya know?

His conditions affect p much his whole life as is the thing with being disabled haha but in particular it affects his sleep. He’s usually a p light sleeper and has a hard time falling and staying asleep unless he’s feeling completely exhausted from either his pain, or the aftermath of a seizure or whatever else, in which case he’ll knock the fuck out, and will sometimes sleep for so long and deeply he’ll scare his family into thinking his dead haha

His condition also often affects his ability to walk, so when he’s struggling he will use a cane

Unlike me tho, he doesn’t need it like all day everyday, only sometimes

Choro also uses a cane sometimes! He has a bad knee and poor balance which causes her to trip and fall a lot! His cane is his same color of green and while he does prefer the clean and sleek look, she does have a couple of little idol charms on the handle!

Ichi’s cane is either black or purple and is covered in various cat themed stickers with a couple lil things attached to the handle that he will use to play with neighborhood kitties!

Oso and jyushi will sometimes steal choro and ichis canes when not in use and sword fight with them lol

I can imagine when either ichi or choro first got their canes, oso in particular would playfully tease them and would use their cane to pretend to be an old man. The other matsus would also join in on the heckling such as todo calling either choro or ichi old men haha

Kinda going back,, when ichi had his first seizure, the others definitely freaked the fuck out. I imagine some of them prob would still panic when it happens at times but not as much. When it happens while they’re all trying to sleep, Kara will quietly help ichi n look over him till it stops, making sure he’s on his side n all that. I also imagine Kara would the most consistently remind ichi to breathe during a seizure and since ichi doesn’t like to make a big deal out of his seizures, Kara wouldn’t mention it to the others unless ichi brought it up first. (Ichi is thankful but doesn’t really verbally thank him often). Same goes for most of the other matsus if they’re alone with ichi during a seizure except for maybe jyushi who would blurt it out and sometimes oso unless explicitly told not to mention it. And prob right after the first seizure, todo researched what to do during a seizure and taught the others what to do so everyone was better prepared for next time.

Going back to ichis chronic fatigue/ poor sleep,

He either sleeps like 2 hours or 15, no in between lol

Oso doesn’t have chronic fatigue but he is really bad at maintaining a consistent sleep schedule so he and ichi (and sometimes the others) will often hang out and go on late night adventures, resulting in them both sleeping in way too late n getting scolded by either choro or matsuyo

———

More general sleep based stuff:

Ichi is a side sleeper n likes to be super curled up, he is shrimply kitty, he cannot change this. Kara is a back sleeper mostly, cant stand being too warm and prefers cooler or thinner blankets. Todo flip flops between back and side, is a pretty quiet, peaceful sleeper. Oso is kinda all over the place, flip flops between back, side, and belly a lot and likes to either be spread out or cuddling smth. Choro also flip flops between back and side, doesn’t take up a lot of space. Jyushi is a back sleeper and always very spread out

I can see them all snoring at least a lil bit except for maybe choro. I think it’d be cute if todo had like a baby snore and ichi had that classic cat snore. I can def see oso being loud tho

Poor choro being sandwiched between the two that take up the most space, move the most, and prob the loudest lol

———

Jyushi is usually very intense when he stims, lots of physical/moving stims! Definitely hand flapping, rocking, sometimes spinning, etc. I think he does his bat swinging, and mimicking of baseball terms n such as special interest centric stims. Plus his “HUSTLE HUSTLE MUSCLE MUSCLE!”

I think he also really likes deep pressure! Likes to be wrapped up n buried with blankets, and clothes n such (+ the warmth is nice since he doesn’t have great temperature regulation)

He would love a weighted blanket haha, and I think, while he’s not really a huge hugger most the time, he would sometimes ask for tight hugs from his family, or just have them like lean or straight up just lay on top of him haha

Also likes to chew! Seeing as how he’s often chewing on his brothers heads lol he would prefer a really hard/tough toy to chew on. Any thing softer, he chews straight through em

Kara loves anything shiny/sparkly and colorful! He also likes the texture sparkly things/ things with sequins often have,

I also think he would like space and ocean themed things cuz blue and pretty haha

I think he would have jewelry he would play with like rings or necklaces, such as running his fingers along his necklace chains or maybe a spinner ring or something small with intricate details/ rougher textures he could stim with

I imagine something metal/ silver maybe in the shape of a skull! Not sure what tho.. maybe a keychain? A necklace? Just something he keeps in his pocket?

Choro loves like cool lights/glowy stuff esp if it’s related to his special interest(s) ie idols! I think she also really likes clicky noises like a keyboard or switches! I think he would def carry around at least one fidget to help with anxiety but I feel like she would maybe be torn between his toys being colorful/related to her interests or being like subtle and “adult” looking ya know? I also think he’d get kinda self conscious about doing raptor arms or just feel like “what do I do with my hands” n developed a habit of putting her hands on his hips instead haha, I also think choro has a picking habit and uses picky pads to try to avoid picking at his skin and while it’s not as bad, Kara also still feels the urge to pick sometimes from when he had bad acne so choro turned him on to picky pads n she will use the beads to make kandi! But also sometimes she’ll get so caught up in just wanting to pick out and organize all the beads, hell get too focused on a pad and won’t have one for when she actually has the urge to skin pick. Also choro would love a busy board with all the flashing lights n clicky switches haha

Todo is a big visual stimmer! A bit too self conscious most the time to more openly stim in front of most ppl so she watches a lot of like stim boards and “satisfying” videos on her phone and maybe like very specific asmr videos. Her physical stims are a bit more “subtle” like very light rocking, kicking her feet, tapping her foot, using her face roller, playing with her hair, etc. I think she also chews but she doesn’t think it’s cute enough so she tries not to do it and will kinda gently chew on the inside of her lip or tongue or use gum or smth. Definitely prefers much softer chews than jyushi! Also think she likes to do the pop sound with her mouth sometimes

Ichi loves soft fuzzy textures and likes to pet and rub them whether it’s a cat or an inanimate object! He also really likes somewhat squishy things, think like paw pads, that he can squish in his hands! If it’s something bigger like a soft blanket or pillow or smth he likes to kinda knead it. He also likes pain seeking stims esp when hes having sh thoughts and will use things that are sharp and pokey but can’t do any actual harm like acupuncture rings or smth n he will keep like a mini squishy or acupuncture ring in his hoodie pocket to mess with. He also likes bubble wrap n pop fidgets! He likes the sound and the feel of em. I also think he has a bit of a picking issue too and will steal Kara’s like half done picky pads and then leave the beads for choro in places he knows he will find them like a cat leaving “presents” haha, sometimes choro will literally wake up with a lil baggie of beads on her and he’s very confused by it, she has no idea where these lil baggies keep coming from lol. I also think ichi uses his finger as like a worry stone of sorts and will rub his thumb on the side of his finger between the knuckles sometimes just cuz, sometimes to calm himself! Also purring! He likes to purr! He’s so kitty brained haha

Also also he likes to mess with lil bits a trash like paper clips, straw wrappers, bread ties, etc. with like straw wrappers he’ll turn them into like lil stick figures n stuff

Oso doesn’t really notice for himself when he stims! At least when it comes to his physical stims. His lil nose rub thing for example! N Unless hes like actively doing something, if he’s still for like 5 seconds, he’ll just start swaying or rocking back n forth whether he’s sitting or standing. He also likes to be upside down sometimes, just doing that weird upside down sit he does n will like sit on the couch upside down. Also he finds anything that goes really fast or spinny or like colorful flashing lights really captivating, reminds him of pachinko n the races haha

I think when has the urge to like fidget he will steal his siblings stuff instead of just getting his own. I can see todo or somebody buying one of those pop it games n oso stealing it n playing it way more than whoever bought it in the first place haha ichi would also use it sometimes but would prefer the sound effects off

Also I think oso is a big vocal stimmer! Lots of weird lil noises, mimicking of words/phrases, humming, etc. when somebody points it out or asks him to stop he likes to fuck with them n act dumb like “huh? What? What noise? I didn’t say anything. Are you hearing things? ……………… *does it again*” lol I also think when todo does her lil pop sound oso will do it back and things like that will sometimes spread to the others and even matsuyo and matsuzo occasionally n then they’re all just mimicking the same thing, flock of seagulls from Nemo typa behavior lol. Oso also sometimes mimics peoples hand gestures n body posture while they’re talking, sometimes on purpose, sometimes he doesn’t even realize till they point it out, either way it annoys the fuck outta ppl n he finds that funny haha. Oh I forgot but oso also has an oral fixation but uses food instead of toys or gum, bro is snackin all the time haha

———

Couple quick lil ichi hcs: ichi wasn’t really a fan of bugs for a long time (didn’t hate them but was still grossed out by them) but then he started noticing how cute and cat like some can be and now he’s a big bug lover! Moths and spiders are his favs! Cuz “fluffy” and cute mostly lol and when I say spiders I’m mostly thinking jumping spiders but I think he’d also like bigger and “scarier” spiders too) also also! 2nd quick ichi hc! He’s very light on his feet and will often scare ppl (usually by accident) by just kinda appearing by them and his family gets mad at him for “sneaking up on them” and will yell at him to wear a bell in like a half joking way but then eventually ichi does start actually wearing a lil bell (maybe a bracelet?) either of his own volition or bc his siblings made him lol Either way, it doesn’t bother him much to wear it cuz it makes him more kitty like and if he wants to be quiet he could just take it off lol

[sunny-starshine]

what are your thoughts/headcanons/etc for lil pastor spam (if you wanna share any)

IM GLAD YOU ASKED!! I LOVE GETTING QUESTIONS/ REQUESTS/ SILLY STUFF TO REPLY TO!!! [I have new art for this question]

So This version of Spamton is inspired mainly by my oc and the game Faith the Unholy Trinity... maybe some Moral Orel... I like the idea he became a pastor cause he once cared about his faith but started doing it for his ego... then gained a god complex and everything went downhill from there... I mainly made this though cause I kin him HARD

The other Addisons I plan on keeping somewhat the same... I only think spamton should be different in this au type of idea idk... I'm also working on planning his talking situation.... he would probably randomly quote verses but I'm not too sure yet how to do it...

gosh, there's a lot a lot I can say... but for now, I'll give yall that... but I can tell you now I'm gonna draw a lot of story and art for this idea...

Probably a lot of Angst content... I just think this idea is really cool and I don't see it often with spamton...

[justsomeoneintoomanyfandoms]

Yippie! A wild Tokyo Debunker matchup writer! Anyway, hi. 🍊here. If it's not too much trouble, I'd like a romantic matchup pls. And maybe who'd be besties with me for ✨flavour✨

My MBTI + Enneagram: ENFP 9w1

My star sign is Gemini

Appearance: I am South Asian with straight black hair and tan skin. I usually tie into a low braid because I think it looks cute, and I don't like the feeling of hair on the back of my neck. I am 160 cm tall and pretty scrawny

Personality: I like to say I'm a pretty cheerful and upbeat person. I try my best to smile through tough situations, though it can be hard sometimes. I also like to say I'm a family person, and I will do anything to protect them, and my friends. I am perfectionistic, but sadly I am a bit scatterbrained, much to the dismay of my parents and older sister. Hell, I almost burned the eggs I was making for the first time. I have been working on my organizational skills though, and I’m happy to say that I’ve come a pretty long way. I can be quite petty too. If someone wrongs me, I tell them either bad puns or horrifying facts for a period of time as revenge. I'm also good at math, so my friends come to me for help with that. Also, in almost every friend group I'm in, I somehow become a therapist friend. Lemme tell you, THAT really takes a toll on me. I also have a soft spot for unabridged fairytales (they high-key have me in a chokehold).

Some more lil' factoids about me: I wear my hair in a low braid because I don't like the feeling of hair on the back of my neck. My friends and family often told me my hands get pretty animated when I talk. I can also handle spicy food pretty well, which surprises a lot of my friends. I like to learn about my friends' interests so I can connect better with them. Also, I kin Paulina from the Thea Sisters.

Likes: Anime, drawing comics, video games, unabridged fairytales, sweets (my favourite dessert is caramel pudding) and spending time with my older sister and friends

Dislikes: Cruelty, confrontation (I will kick butt if I need to, literally or figuratively), anyone who dares to threaten my friends or family, arrogance when it gets out of hand, black tea or coffee (I cannot drink it unless it is sweetened or if I have it with a LOT of milk), but I do enjoy dark chocolate once in a blue moon.

Hi 🍊Anon! Thank you for your request! Sorry it took so long. I hope you like your matchups!

In Tokyo Debunker, I match you with...

You and Haru are both very family oriented and I think this is what would initially draw you to each other. You get how important family is to each other and want to be part of each other's families.

I think he would like being around you since you’re so upbeat. He’s pretty cheerful but if surrounded by people who aren’t (like Ren). You’re a nice change of pace.

Please read your favourite unabridged fairy tales to him and Peekabook! He might have to cover the creature’s ears once in a while since those old stories can be a bit graphic at times but they both really love it.

Haru definitely understands your dislike of people who threaten your family and friends. He knows how protective he gets over Peekaboo whenever Taiga comes around. At least now you can fend him off together.

He loves spending time with his family and friends as well and since you definitely fall into that category for him, you’re included in that quality time.

In Tokyo Debunker, I platonically match you with...

I think you and Sho would get along great as friends. Sure, he might tease you for talking with your hands but you can return the favour since I see him as someone who’s quite expressive when talking about something he’s passionate about as well.

He’s also going to tease you for being so scatterbrained but will help you out if you forget things. Just don’t expect him to ever say anything about it or take credit for you having everything you need when you know you forgot something in your room.

I can see you two playing video games together a lot. He doesn’t usually play them himself but is happy to be player two if you need one.

Since you don’t like confrontation, if you ever have a problem with someone, he’s more than willing to stand up and defend you. That’s his best friend they’re talking about! He’s not about to let any nasty comments slide.

Oh, he really can’t get away from spicy food enjoyers can he. As long as you don’t add hot sauce on everything though, he’s fine with it.

[catsmakingheadmates]

Hi! Can you make a pack for a headmate who is a songative of the song "The whole being dead thing" from the broadway show Beetlejuice. However I'd prefer if they're not Beetlejuice. The rest is up to you.

HEADMATE PACK ! ! ! 

AHHHH I HAD SO MUCH FUN WITH THIS !!!

| Name[s] ~ 

Beatrice Monroe

| Nicknames ~  

Bea (mostly uses this name)

| Pronouns ~ 

She/Her, They/Them, He/Him, Sh3/H3r, H3/H1m, It/Its, Ze/Zem, Dead/Deads, Die/Dies, Corpse/Corpses, Happy/Happys, !!/!!’s, !?/!?’s, Yip/Yips, Yippee/Yippees, Yay/Yays, YAY/YAYS, Zomb/Zombz, Z/Z’s, Joy/Joys, Weird/Weirds, Weirdo/Weirdos, Freak/Freaks, Freakazoid/Freakazoid, XD/XDs, X3/X3s, :D/:Ds, :3/:3s, Host/Hosts, 🎉/🎉’s, 🍾/🍾’s, 🪩/🪩’s, 🎺/🎺’s

| Age ~ 

Died at 19, has been dead for over 60 years now

| Gender/orient ~ 

Blurgender, Chaosgender (Xenogender), Happygender (Xenogender), SourCandyBlastic (Xenogender), >:3gender (Xenogender), Evilgender (Xenogender), :3thing (Xenogender), Sillything (Xenogender), Sillyfungender (Xenogender), Evilgender (Xenogender), Hypergender (Xenogender), Gothgender (Xenogender), Darkgender(Xenogender), Devillishcat Gender (Xenogender)

| Sexuality ~ 

Aromantic Homoflexible-Lesbian

| Personality 

Traits ~ Very Energetic, Generally Positive, Enjoys Dark Aesthetics In A Silly Way, Darker Humour, Considers Themselves A Silly Lil Guy, A Lil Chaotic, Has A Hard Time Taking Things Seriously, Excitable

| Relations ~ 

Had a Mother and Father in life, who they tend to miss

| Species ~ 

Demon/Ghost, Previously a human

| Physical Traits ~ 

Black Hair, Sharp Teeth, White Skin, Green/Pink Gradient Eyes, A Younger Looking Body (May be described as having a “baby face”), Short, Skinny, Tired Looking

| Background/Lore ~ 

Died in the 1950s, Considered taken from life too early, Ended up in hell, and was summoned to help multiple humans over time.

| Role ~ 

Intrusive Thoughts Holder, Joy Holder, Soother, Protector, Songtive

| Source ~ 

Beetlejuice - The Whole 'Being Dead' Thing

| Extra ~ 

Otherkin, Specifically- Chaoskin (Conceptkin), TV Show Host Kin (Otherkin), Magiciankin (Otherkin), Dietykin (Otherkin), Gremlinkin (Otherkin).

Speaks like a show host ! 

Enjoys dressing up in stripes, prefers button up shirts or dressing formal. 

Favourite colour is neon green.

Image Credits

! ! ! Feel free to change any details as needed ! ! !

[saintmurd0ck]

reverie

masterlist

pairing: michael kinsella x (mentions of) f!reader

summary: michael wakes up hard and frustrated after a lucid dream

warnings: wet dream/cum, male masturbation, michael being a dirty lil freak (affectionate)

a/n: oooooooooh boy i've had this one in the bank for a while and let's just say i am driven by lust after seeing each new ep of kin. honestly i cant keep up send help

It’s not the first time Michael has woken up hard and frustrated, courtesy of a lucid dream, but he can't say this happens very often.

“Shit,” he swears, placing a hand on his lower stomach, wincing as it comes away sticky. He can feel it too, between his thighs, splattered on the sheet underneath, long since pulled away from the corners of his mattress. 

Groaning, Michael sits up in bed, contemplating what to do next. The obvious answer would be to clean himself up, but his blood thrums, head pounding with the kind of hollowness he knows only you could fill. 

He shuffles towards his bedside table for a tissue, suppressing the urge to recall the dream as he cleans himself up. 

But his resolve is weak, and reliving the dream is just as indulgent as he hopes it would be. 

“M-mikey,” you whimper, wrapping your legs around his waist tighter.

“Mikey,” you say again, your voice hoarse, dangerously close to taking him over the edge with you. Using the wall as an anchor, he uses the leverage of this position to drive further into you, as deep as he can go. He sends himself into a frenzy, wild and lost in your warmth and in your wetness, begging for release…

Shuddering, Michael glances at his phone, biting his lip as he feels himself harden again. His self-control is a tidal wave ready to break, because of the overwhelming urge to send you a text, to call—to do anything to get you over here, into his bed and onto his cock. He grits his jaw, swearing at the mental image of you—writhing on top of him, squirming beneath, gripping his headboard as he fucks you from behind.

The devil on his shoulder, one that looks a little too much like you, grins. C’mon, Michael. You know you want to.

Michael shakes his head, his face becoming vacant. Does she even want t’see me?

That thing—you—on his shoulder winks, turning Michael’s cheeks pink. There’s only one way to find out…

Rubbing his jaw, Michael reaches for his phone, swiping through his contacts to find your number. He taps on the little icon next to your name, which displays his favourite picture of you. As his cock twitches against his stomach, he realises that somehow, your smile makes him even more aroused.

Yeah, he thinks, thrusting into his hand. I should call her.

[ithseem]

The court of darkness tag is looking lonely. Who’s your favorite consort and why?

If I had to pick my absolute favourites, they would have to be:

#3: Toa Maybe it's because I kin Toa, but I also have a soft spot for soft-hearted people. I'll admit he was a bit intimidating at first, but as we get to know him he's shown to be a pretty great person, and a lot more wholesome than I had expected. Take for his example his sweet tooth and his love for animals. Him being an older brother/single father to Knight is really cute to me too. He goes out of his way to protect the wellbeing of his closest friends and I respect that. His book 1 was a fun read and I like how he grew as a person. He got to truly stand up for himself against Guy and to his family in his own way. Also his love for animals is so endearing to me. Him being done with all the bullshit around him is a mood.

#2: Rio I also have a soft spot for himbos and he was actually the first character I fell in love with. He's like a more reserved version of Ash Ketchum in XYZ. Even if his magic truly kicked in later in life than most, he still does his best to protect the ones he cherishes, with or without magic. He's basically the academy's therapy dog. His family is lovely too, so that's nice to see. And don't even get me started on his endearingly jealous side.

#1: Aquia I think anyone's who's been following for me a long time knows that I absolutely adore this lil' goober. He's shy and understated and has a good heart. He's just a lil' guy who loves his flowers and his family. He sees the good in almost everyone and everything. To me, he's quite similar to Neville Longbottom: shy, a little bit anxious, good with plants, and can technically do magic but can't because of some sort of trauma iirc. I also headcanon he has some abandonment issues. Spoilers for his book 1 btw: we know from Guy's path that he tends to the flowers in the castle gardens, but he has a secret garden of his own on a hidden balcony, and my heart melted at this scene. Probably my favourite part about him is that he's willing to go out of his way to care for the vulnerable. Hell, he even managed to convince Guy to heal his hamster familiar, Mel, when he found her laying in a bush on the brink of death. How he ended up so sweet despite his cold and distant dad, bitchass mom, and bitchass grandpa is a real feat. Also, this expression nearly made me yeet my phone across the room

This is for the people having a hard time believing Guy ang Aquia are brothers

Honourable mentions: everyone in the main and supporting cast except for J*sper.

[bthebeachboi]

Forgive my northern attitude (Oh, I was raised out in the cold) [Alaska/Califronia]

Alaska might have been born cold. He doesn't actually know, since Gov would mention that states aren't exactly born.

(He remembered Russia, he remembered people and cold. Maybe that was enough.)

The point is, he was never warm, no matter how much sun he felt or under how much fur he slept, he wasn't warm. Just wasn't made for it, really. His character was usually off-putting to most, he kept his distance, he stayed what he always wanted to be - a mystery to others.

And then he got closer to California.

The man was like a sun as a person, even if Florida fought for that tittle like a small rabid dog. Of course, if you'll ask anyone else, they'll can start talking and not stop about how annoying he is, how he's such a know-it-all.

All Alaska can think about is that when he held his face in his hands, California's eyes were squinted in a way that showed his happiness with ease that Alaska could never even imagine. He thought about the way California would then hide his face in his embrace, mumbling something about being embarrassed, but all he could hear was his own heartbeat, hitting hard and fast.

"Cal" he asked him to call him once. "In private or not."

And if the man would be fully honest with himself, he knew that he would scream it from the fucking roof.

"Cal" he tasted how it sounded, he moved it around on his tongue and decided it belonged. "My Cal."

And looking at the shine in those golden eyes, looking at the way his lover's lip quivered, he was right.

"Yours."

And maybe Alaska was born cold for a reason, since the warmth he felt drowned him, pulled him under until his vision was blurry and his breath was hitched.

Maybe California was made for him, destined to make him feel the warmth. That thought just pulled him in deeper, a breathless, heartfelt chuckle leaving him.

Made for him, warm as a sun just to melt the ice, as he was made for him to stand in it and never burn, but bask.

Looking at the state of him in front of him, the smile and tears, the shaky breathing and loving eyes, maybe he wasn't alone with that thoughts.

Slowly, he reached for Cal and brought him closer, hugging him and letting himself feel the warmth. Cold will come back, he knew, yet now that he felt the warmness, how could he ever not come back to it?

///

Today I bring two grown men crying their eyes out because the love and feeling of belonging grabbed them by the throat <3

Hope yall ain't too mad for all the breaks, but rn am digging my nails into Mimir n Kratos, so sue me (HYPERFIXATION BE HELPFUL FOR ONCE CHALLENGE???)

This short is a lil messy, so lemme explain:

What's happening in the past: the face holding

What's happening right now: the talk and tears

also kinning Northern Attitude by Noah Kahan hard rn (thats where I took the uhhh name from <3)

Apparantly some part of Alaska is in the north uhh east?? or smth, idk

it was him or NY so :D

[eartheats]

[a rotomblr live pops up from ren's account! it seems very intentionally set up, though the first shot you get is a closeup of ren's face]

🔆: --Ohh, it's working! [ren steps back, flashing a peace sign at the camera; the background is overlooking the cascarrafa gym arena, and ren's rotom phone is quick on the draw of blurring out any of the faces in the crowd besides ren's own, and kofu's in the background] So, um, just double checking--you're still okay with this, right Mr. Kofu?

[kofu responds with a warm laugh, clapping his hands delightedly]

🦀: 'Course I am, kid! Thanks fer bein' such a good sport either way, but I kin say I don't got any problem with goin' on the big screen!

[ren turns around to kofu, bowing their head and then jumping up and pumping their fists]

🔆: Thank you so so so much! I appreciate it a lot, sir! It's been a long time since me and my partner has battled like this...but we're gonna do our very best! Ain't we, Lulu?

🪱: Orth!!

[Lulu pops up easily into the shot, smiling into the camera before taking his place onto the field; Kofu's Veluza follows soon after, and the battle begins!]

🔆: Alright, Lulu! Let's show 'em all we got! [...ignore how ren keeps fidgetting with their sleeve, they are SO nervous--] Go for Heavy Slam, to start!

[Lulu's off like a shot once the battle begins in earnest, and Kofu's Veluza responds in kind; Lulu slams his whole body into the Veluza as hard as he can, but the fish still holds strong!]

🦀: Not a bad start! Veluza, give 'im a servin' of Aqua Cutter fer his trouble!

[It doesn't take long for the Veluza to fire back, sending sharp, watery slashes Lulu's way; it manages to knock him back, but if the loud roar that Lulu gives is any indication, he's enthusiastic for a fight!]

🔆: Keep holdin' steady Lulu--let's give him an Earthquake!

[Lulu rushes into action at that, leaping into the air to slam the Veluza to the ground, leaving a rather impressive impact on the ground--and a fainted Veluza in it's wake.]

🔆: Yeah!! [Ren's fists pump in the air] Let's go Lulu, you show 'em!

🦀: Not bad, not bad! I kin see you raised this feller to be quite strong! Let's see if ya can keep it up--Wugtrio, yer up next!

[kofu sends out his next Pokemon easily, and ren's almost ready to start giving the order again--but something happens in the background, something that startles everyone, and the camera focuses in on a very enthusiastic roselia attempting to step in--]

🦀: Well now, who's this?

🔆: Bouton!! What are you doin'?! [ren rushes over to the roselia, who seems none too perturbed as the camera focuses on him] Come on, buddy, you can't just come out willy-nilly here. I thought I told ya that.

🌹: Roselia!

[bouton seems none too perturbed even still, and looks out to the battlefield and to lulu for a moment--before walking right up to and past lulu, using one of his roses to push him out of the way. ineffectively, of course, but still prompting surprise from the orthworm--]

🪱: Orth??

🔆: --I'm with Lulu here, what? [ren looks over at the roselia, who stands resolute on the battlefield] You can't be serious, you can't just waltz into battle, that's not--I don't--

[as if on cue, kofu's laughter breaks through the rather anxiety inducing situation on ren's end, prompting them to look over to him]

🦀: Well, ain't this a feisty little fella! You think you can handle what ol' Kofu's cookin'?

[bouton looks over, past ren and to kofu, and responds with an affirmative nod--he's ready! he was born ready for this! ...okay not quite, but he's got the spirit--]

🦀: Well? What say you, kid? [kofu looks to ren, who seems a little concerned] I think yer lil friend here wants to show you what he's made of. Why not give 'im a chance?

[ren seems to contemplate this for a moment, considering...they look to the determined gaze that bouton gives them. there's a fire in his eyes they've never seen...and well...]

🔆: ...Alright, Bouton. You win--but if things start gettin' hairy, you gotta get out, okay? Promise?

🌹: Rose, rose! [bouton jumps up a bit, cheerily, before lulu slinks back and lets bouton take the stage]

🔆: Alright, Bouton! Let's show 'em what for!

[bouton seems to be born ready for this; kofu laughs, and he starts the battle off by commanding wugtrio to use mud slap--an attack that gets bouton dirty more than anything, but he seems content to take the battle in his own hands while ren fidgets with their pokedex and tries to find what moves bouton knows, he seems to...multiply? ren's eyes widen in seeming recognition]

🔆: When'd ya learn Double Team you lil'...?! [ren pauses a bit, shaking their head--they watch as wugtrio starts missing and missing those mud slaps as bouton continues to use the same move, more surprised than anything. bouton's holding his own surprisingly well] --Alright, I got it! Bouton--hope I got this right, but--use Magical Leaf!

[bouton looks to ren, getting hit with a mud slap in the process and getting knocked to the ground--before ren can worry, though, beautiful looking leaves come out of bouton's roses, and they fly at wugtrio with precision and ease. enough so that the wugtrio faints immediately, shocking everyone in attendance]

🔆: You've just been gettin' stronger when I haven't been lookin'...!

[as if on cue, kofu laughs a bit, heartily and proudly]

🦀: That was amazin'! Yer lil buddy really showed his stuff, huh? [kofu brings out his last poke ball, though, and his tera orb comes soon after] But you better be prepared--the tide's comin' in, and yer gonna get swept up if you ain't careful!

[bouton looks up at that, seeming a little more uncertain about this now--it's then that ren smiles, whistling for him to come back. lulu even gives bouton a high five as they swap positions, and he looks so proud]

🔆: Alright, you did real darn good, Bouton. But it's time for you to rest--'cause I'm not goin' down without a fight!

[kofu chuckles, sending out crabominable to the field in an instant--lulu in kind takes the field, and it's not too long before kofu and ren both terastalize their pokemon. crabominable turns into a water type, and lulu goes ghost, and the two clash in a flurry of crabhammers and heavy slams--both of them are quite lumbering, but lulu's more than tough enough to take all of crabominable's hits, and crabominable takes the blows well in kind. in a tense standoff of a moment, two of their blows clash harshly on the field--they struggle, seeing who breaks their focus first...

while it seems like lulu is the first to break it, it's a fake out--one that leaves crabominable wide open.]

🔆: Now, Lulu, finish it! Earthquake!

[and in an instant, lulu winds up taking crabominable's arm--and with a startling amount of ease, lulu grabs his opponent by one of his arms, briefly lifting the other pokemon into the air by the arm and swinging it around--

before slamming it into the ground, crabominable fainting in defeat.

there's a brief moment of quiet, a brief moment where the camera focuses on ren's face--before they start to cry tears of joy, and the crowd roars with cheers aplenty. kofu's voice eventually joins the cheers, and the rotomblr live ends.

THANKS FOR WATCHING.]