#i keep figuring out cool new things
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Lamie-Senpai noticed Serena
>serena.exe broke
I started reading Bocchi The Rock! recently and was working on this while I was away. Bocchi and Serena are kindred spirits (besides the pink hair 😂) I feel like if Serena met @lamieboo she would be overwhelmed with awe 😂😂
#i just had to redraw that one scene from bocchi#warmup art before i continue on commissions#i keep figuring out cool new things#bocchi is so relatable#hogwarts legacy#hogwarts legacy fanart#hogwarts legacy mc#serena kosmos#lamie boo
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#--/ art#--/ story#ava the dark lord#⬇⬇⬇ context in the tags ⬇⬇⬇#alan becker#animator vs animation#animation vs minecraft#ava the chosen one#it is done !! ok ill give y'all the intro context synopsis now#the story goes that way way way way before Showdown cho and dark used to sneak into abandoned-looking buildings in the city at night#and one such target they stumble upon happens to be a storage room containing artifacts from Minecraft#the most interesting being the beds.#on this particular outing cho and dark were returning from other shenanigans and could use a place to rest. perfect!#dark belly-flops onto the right bed (scooting them out of alignment) and strikes a pose.#while chosen is shoving them back together again... oh. he's already asleep? ...???#!!! the beds draw you in if you get too close!#so what was supposed to be half an hour at most rest turned into the whole night. they skedaddled and forgot about the freaky beds.#until. a certain someone goes and dies :333#you get it now ! ! !#it was dark diesn't ALL ALONG-#yeah and then for extra spice i threw in that the hooded stick King meets with during his episode to buy a command block...#...happens to own that storage room.#thus and so begins more brand new shenanigans with dark interacting with this shady rando. i call em seafoam#i highly extremely doubt there's a tag for seafoam . . . wiki calls them only 'hooded stick figure'#anyhow. behind the scenes this was also a practice of drawing things in 3D... keeping on model... and composition for storytelling#and i learned some things about how Whiteboard works too :o i. didn't know about the fill tool. it is cool#yayaya!! so that's been in my head for a while.#thx for reading <3 <3 ill be posting some close-up shots of this and other things i put on the whiteboard later#Minecraft bed
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The original in the bottom
Plus the picture I mainly drew but decided to draw the rest for funny
#thats not my neighbor#milk man#just tried to draw something in my mind to post along with saying some updates#monday the people are gonna give my grandma the keys to the house! while i have to stay at my aunts place for wifi for school#(online school)#my moms gonna be moving things out of storage into the house! AAAA I CANT WAIT#also little welcome home update#im not sure if i said here? wait nevermind i just remembered while typing (it was that i got barnaby and the pins) AAA silly me#also im making a little julie out of clay (if i wake up and their messed up i am NOT redoing that😭)#the legs are a little messed up because julie was gonna be the size of an hatsune miku figure on accident so i chose to shorten her a bit#only because im not sure if im gonna make the others too AND because theres no way hes gonna be THAT tall😭#also! im making easter art#yes its barnaby and wally again just for fun! but a few changes like keeping their regular outfits because i cant think of anything else!!!#why not the ones in the old easter drawing? welllll a follower said that wallys outfit looked a bit familiar to another not so good thing#it wasnt on purpose just an accident because i hadn't notice BUT im glad i know now so i can be more careful!#im not sureeee if im gonna finish the easter art OR the julie clay thingy but I'd love too! and honestly HOPE to#high chance i will (well maybe the easter art could be late or not)#maaaaaaaaaaaAAAAAA trying to think if theres anything else but cant! ill try posting this hoping my wifi wont hate me...#also i know i said this account was for welcome home posting but i didnt have any cool welcome homey things to put here gahhhhh#ehehehhe once i get my new room and its allllll just me#imma post like crazy (wellll that IS the plan so i hope)#even if its little dumb posts#by the way this post was gonna say on top “i know i said this account is for welcome home posting but TAKE THIS FOR LITTLE UPDATES”#just removed it because i dunnooooo just didded#hehe didded
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I'm sick so I'm sorry if this doesn't make sense, but I've been thinking about the nature of myths recently as I've been exploring hellenic polytheism.
For context: I'm ex-Mormon. I was raised in the church and, because of that, was taught biblical literalism but in, like, a more subtle way than most? I was raised believing that Adam & Eve and Noah's Ark, etc., were literally true, but that the story of Job specifically was not; I also always knew evolution and the Big Bang to be correct, despite there being a verse in the Doctrine & Covenants (a Mormon-specific religious book) where God apparently told Joseph Smith that the world is 6,000 years old- a passage I didn't know existed until my senior year of high school. I didn't realize I had believed in biblical literalism until I'd left the church, actually.
Now that I'm aware of it, it's a mindset I'm actively trying to combat while I explore Hellenic polytheism. It's definitely been a task to separate the nature of the Gods from their myths, as brutal as they often are. And it's something I've noticed within the community, too, which I think is interesting. It makes sense: Christianity, at least, has had a chokehold on much of the world for a long time, and so many of us have experienced literalism as our first interaction with any sort of holy text (though, of course, Greek myths as a whole aren't that) alongside our first experience with divinity as a wrathful God whose flaws are waved away, or ignored, or twisted into positive attributes. This also means that I'm trying to re-approach several deities with an open mind (Zeus, Hera, and Ares in particular, but many of them to some extent) while also trying to un-condition myself. I was already in the process of doing this, of course, but trying to figure out how to interact with a completely different pantheon has made that especially clear.
It extends to things like prayer and offerings, too. Prayers were very formulaic growing up, even though most of the time there wasn't a strict script to follow. There was always something you ask as part of the prayer, even if it's just 'please help me do better tomorrow' (alongside giving thanks, of course), so trying to craft a prayer without adding *everything* I'm used to including in makes it feel incomplete and, therefore, disrespectful. And daily prayer is something I'm resistant to because of prior experiences with it. I don't want to offend any of the gods by asking for something or asking for too much, especially so early on, and there's always a promised offering the few times I *have* asked. Add worries about exact obedience on top of that and it's proving to be a difficult thing to untangle. And I know that the gods are difficult to offend, figuring out how to do this takes trial & error and that's okay, it'll get better the more I do it, etc., etc.; this is more an issue with my own overthinking than anything else (hooray for ✨ mental health issues ✨). I'm not really asking for advice here, necessarily, just thinking out loud because I'm not comfortable talking to people in meat space about it yet.
#also: the whole thing about cleanliness? as someone w/ mental health issues? Rough. very rough. what counts? how individualized is it?#if i cant get my room (where my shrines are/will be) clean does that mean i cant give any offerings?#is just washing my hands and/or veiling actually okay most of the time? even when ive been struggling to shower?#when does something require a change of clothes? or do i have to do that every time i offer something at any point in the day?#including meal/drink (ex steam from tea) offerings? i dont have that many clothes besties#if im pouring out an offering to hermes on my way home from work do i have to somehow wash my hands first b/c i just got off public transit#can i pour it directly from my water bottle or do i have to keep a little separate bottle of water just for libations?#and like. i know logically the answer is 'do whatever you can and you'll figure it out' but it hasnt sunk in yet#it's always...interesting when a new layer of religious trauma tm gets discovered#also. maybe it's just the 'tism but 'just jump in!' and 'go slow at the beginning' seem contradictory to me#like. you cant do both??? i dont think??? 'just jump in' is the answer ive been getting when i do tarot so im trying to do that#also. doubts? not offending a deity??? wild concept. just. the hardest thing to wrap my head around. mormon god's ego is FRAGILE fr#hellenic pagan#helpol#hellenic polytheism#not adding exmo tags b/c i dont have a good enough handle on the community here & im too sick to deal with people being weird about this#my post#coriander says#seeing people get into the theological weeds is cool from the outside (see: that 'can spiderman do superhero stuff on the sabbath' post)#but very stressful when there's not centuries on centuries of detailed information to draw from & everyone's just trying to figure shit out#in a world that's *very* different from the one the information we *do* have was written down in#christianity cw#mormonism cw
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currently captive audience to a knock down drag out fight in my brain between desire to respect the wishes of the creator and not look for anyone redistributing the comic and god i fucking miss wonderlab i miss wonderlab so much you have no idea i want wonderlab back so bad
#project moon#wonderlab#seriously wonderlab was so fucking good that like#the entire time pre-limbus release every time we got news i would get so excited for a potential followup on wonderlab's ending#and the idea of seeing characters like taii#with amazing designs from a comic that already had some absolutely stunning imagery#drawn in a style like the absolutely fucking beautiful painterly style of ruina's character art and cgs#getting to see more of taii and the other survivors of the branch and seeing where their lives would go after that ending#seeing how the loss of so many important people would affect them and how they'd struggle in the aftermath of l corp's collapse#we already had ONE distortion in the ending of wonderlab with catt and that happened BASICALLY MOMENTS AFTER LOBCORP'S ENDING#can you IMAGINE how cool it'd be to see all of these characters#who already have experience with combat and ego and weird anomalous monsters via their work in the branch#react to and potentially figure out and adapt to the distortion phenomenon?#LITERALLY THE WHOLE CONCEPT OF LIMBUS IS GOING INTO FORMER L CORP BRANCHES#THAT'S THE SELLING POINT OF THE GAME! THAT'S WHY WE'RE HERE! OF COURSE I WOULD GET EXCITED ABOUT MORE WONDERLAB STUFF!#BUT NOW WE'LL NEVER GET THAT#WE'LL NEVER SEE TAII AGAIN IN OFFICIAL MEDIA#WE'RE JUST LEFT WITH THE MEMORY OF THAT FINAL PANEL AND TAII GAZING OVER THIS STUNNINGLY BEAUTIFUL SURREAL LANDSCAPE#WITH PROMISES OF A JOURNEY WE'RE NO LONGER ALLOWED TO SEE#FUCK I MISS WONDERLAB#wonderlab was so fucking good that it accidentally became the cornerstone of my entire perspective on project moon's works as a whole#and now that it's gone i can't go back to lobcorp or ruina without feeling its absence like a gaping void in my chest#the only thing left in its place being the knowledge of the shitshow that was the drama surrounding project moon for a while#and the thought that maybe in a different world we would've gotten to see more#FUCK man#no joke i literally made myself cry typing this whole rant out#suddenly learning that wonderlab had been taken down was a fucking wound i have never recovered from#and i've never been able to look at ruina or limbus with the same sense of awe and wonder and curiosity ever since#just the bitter knowledge that yet another formerly beloved story and world has fallen into corporate nightmares and gacha cash grabs#i haven't been able to keep up with project moon much at all since. i don't know if anything else has happened.
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guess whos not going in at all this week, actually
#MY MANAGER EMAILED LIKE 2 HOURS B4 I HAD TO GO IN#she finally changed my schedule (1 day) to the night shift today#(i emailed her to be safe just kinda casually reaffirming im going in at the new time & then asking if any other shifts wanted 2 be changed#bcs that sounds great to me whstever option she goes with#she ignored that question & i get a new email from her asking if i completed a training. lets called it DOC#basically a long time ago she said 'i will send you DOC instructions soon' .. a few days pass and i get three 50 paged packets#one is called NAVIGATING DOC#im like oh ok cool that must be the DOC training shes talking abt bcs the other 2 packets were abt various trainings#NAH BRUH. APPARENTLY THE DAY IM SUPPOSED TO GO IN. SHE MESSAGES ME SOME ENTIRELY ALIEN PROGRAM#and is like 'u completed this right? cus if u didnt u cant come in today.'#LIKE?? MAYBE I WOULDA IF U SENT THE SHIT#but it's also like. dam i shouldve emailed prompting her to send what she said she would n clarifying BUT FUCK#WHY DO I GOTTA?? IM NOT THE MANAGER#she literally told me the name of the program rn thru email so i type it in and see like four hour long modules to complete#mind u i aint never even been informed a WHISPER abt this new program. nothings even labeled DOC TRAINING#but my struggle is. was i notified this?? and i just didnt see??? was i supposed to clarify with her what the DOC training was exactly??#the only thing ive heard abt doc training b4 this is 'i need to send u DOC training soon' in EMAIL. so i expected an alert#abt THE DOC TRAINING... in an EMAIL notification. WHAT THE HELL IS THIS#idk man#i dont even care bro like im busy as hell & the work is just to build clinic hours so i dont care abt the money factor#it's just like. can we get this first day jitters thing over with already?? im so over this bro#yaddayadda i emailed her an apology n ill be on that ASAP shit. but i did let her know i am basically justnnow seeing this site#n if there was any email or notif that couldve/tried to inform me of its existence 2 pls let me know / figure out how to find it#so the issue doesnt occur again & i dont have to keep botherinher which im so srry of bcs med is stress n shes just trying to get by#but still bro im a lil miffed bcs she probably thinks im stupid now and now im wondering if i AM#bcs WDYM ONLINE MODULES. AINT NOBODY SAID SH IT EVEN ABT THE EXISTENCE OF THEM!!! i wouldve pressed harder 4 clarification#if i knew it was an ONLINE MODULE i had to look out for on some randomass site i didnt even know the name of until now#instead of the EMAIL UVE BEEN 'COMMUNICATING' WITH ME ON#ARREGHHHHHHHH IM NOT STUPID. I SWEAR IM NOT STUPID FUCCK MY BAKA LIFE
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I love learning ASL it’s so good. Makes me happy to learn it. I’m so glad my university has classes for it with professors actually steeped in Deaf culture.
#blue chatter#am I good at ASL? hahahahahahaha. no.#ASL and English grammar are incredibly different and even when I remember my vocab I am easily clockable as hearing#but I do have some language capacity now. enough to communicate the basics.#and I just. genuinely really enjoy it. it’s fun to learn and engaging in a way most of my classes just aren’t.#and I can. yanno. communicate respectfully w Deaf ppl. and learn about their culture#which is incredibly important given that I want to go into a field where there is a higher incidence than typical of Deaf people#autistic? you’re more likely to be Deaf!#not to mention the fact that sign language can sometimes be a useful alternative to speech for nonspeaking/nonverbal people#depending on the person obvi; some nonspeaking/nonverbal autistics cannot use sign language and that’s okay#but surely at some point I will encounter either a Deaf client or a nonspeaking/nonverbal client who uses ASL#and when that time comes I should have some idea of how to communicate with them#I also rly like the Deaf church by my parents’ house#their community is really welcoming and their services are really interesting#I think it’s rly cool how they take intentions directly from the congregation#they’ll raise their hands and then sign what their intention is from their pew to the ambo#which is rly neat#it is funny bc every time I go the Deaf ppl I talk to will tell each other ‘go slow she’s hearing’#which is ENTIRELY fair bc. I am hearing. and I do need them to go slower.#but it also makes me laugh bc truly everyone knows within a few minutes.#oh hey the new person? they’re hearing. yeah they’re learning ASL at college. sign slowly for her.#which again makes sense bc a big Deaf culture thing is keeping ppl informed. it’s not gossip it’s getting everyone on the same page.#Deaf ppl do NOT beat around the bush that is like the height of rudeness to them. u say what u mean goshdangit. do not waste their time.#which I appreciate the heck out of bc i don’t have to try and phrase things delicately or w/e#it was also funny bc my mom came w me while I was home for Christmas and they asked her if I was her kid#and she said yes. and the lady running the kid’s craft corner thing was like ‘great you’re doing a craft now’#and I’m sitting there. visibly over 18 years old. amongst several seven year olds. trying desperately to figure out how to say hot glue gun#I made a v pretty pinecone tree it was a lot of fun ^-^
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Terribly sorry for not posting art and animation updates by the way I'm still in the middle of planning out everything and it's beating me into a corner rn.
Also just as a little warning in 10 hours or so I MIGHT become the most annoying person ever about fnaf 2 movie unless it's something boring 🤞
#fnaf#fnaf fandom#who knew having too many projects you are passionate about can like overwhelm you thats crazy#on fnaf 2 movie topic I hope its just some mr literally who english person actor being revealed to be a part of the cast#cuz I legit could care less about actors bro#someone said its related to an animatronic and IF its who I think it is yall are seeing me on the news but in a good way#of course wont spoil cuz thats evil but like you WILL figure out its salvage hoax just by my behavior#personally idgaf about spoilers cuz it usually interests me more depending on how cool or stupid it sounds out of context#but you will not see me literally share or explain things just because I felt like being evil that day#its mostly just twitter but lowkey posting spoilers just to prove “guys see? I am not lying look look!” is childish#my art preparation takes ages so sadly I have to keep up with some stuff to write down ideas and mentally prepare myself to draw some stuff#hello tag reader! ty for wasting your time reading my silly thoughts
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Anyways nothing in the show made me cry till seeing ekko and Mel sitting there alone and it doesn’t even have to do with powder and Jayce it’s the fact that they have to get up the next day its exhausting like there’s so much work to do.
#and sevika to a lesser extent#like it’s less sad for me bc she’s got a support group#like ig it’s bc this is moving up for her#she still has shit to get done but yknow#but for Mel and ekko#she’s gotta deal with being an actual ruler now these new abilities and what they mean#she might be glancing over her shoulder everyday bc what if there’s another black rose#and ekko#man he’s still gotta figure out his tree#and they still have to keep it pushing bc ok fuck playing into the council I hate that sorry#but there’s just so much fucking work to do after 10 minutes of relaxing#and it’s like#idk how to feel about arcane like idk#it feels the same a oitnb to me#commentary on no happy endings but it just so happens the main white characters got theirs#even that jinx lived theory grinds my gears bc it’s like#ofc mel and ekko got the short end of the stick. writing and fandom wise like always#and it’s like the show touches on certain things and can’t follow through bc nobody actually cares about black characters and their stories#but also if this is just expanding into wider lol lore it’s like#having the stories set up or finish in a#I don’t wanna say unsatisfactory but like in a way where it’s real#the ball keeps rolling#that’s cool#but it’s not even that it’s just. more care ig#yeah. I want more care for black characters#I wish whoever fought for cait and vi playing house or saw it as a deserved ending or whatever#someone who decided that mel shouldn’t have finished sitting there alone#that maybe ekko deserved to lay down and sleep even if he cried#like it doesn’t have to be a happy ending. if ekkos last scene was just him sobbing over what he lost it’d feel different#but it’s not in his nature to be that selfish. selfish enough to cry freely. free u my heart. 💔💔💔
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i'm so normal about all the things swimming around in my head right now, i'm chewing on the walls
#born to christen the new sketchbook with cool things#forced to write out backstory#I love DnD I love playing it I love my characters I love character building in a vacuum#BUT#as soon as I have a group and need to be ready in a week I die#inner critic at volume 100 every idea I ever had is bad actually and I keep getting lost in details#'divination wizard that studies divination to figure out how to evade a prophecy' sounds so fun on paper#especially with the added flavor of 'they're from a cult devoted to the god of divination and left them behind for this'#but like#to fill that out#aughhh#is the person that would be harmed in the prophecy a sibling or friend?#are they part of the cult or not?#who are the people in the cult?#what's the family situation actually?#so much to consider#I'm thinking maybe in the cult and really devoted so they don't want to leave and will resent my character for trying to save them#but still sibling or friend?#mh#honestly chances are this will have very minor involvement actually because the campaign is in one city and they hail from a different one#but still#I'm just rambling to the void cause it helps me think lmao#congrats to whoever actually reads my tags#I also haven't even decided if I play a gnome or dragonborn or maybe a tiefling afterall agh#tbf that has little bearing on the character but that's the ISSUE I have nothing to tie in
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weekend melancholy is starting to kick in >~<
#im gonna go and do my food shop etc to keep myself busy and hopefully my 2nd meds will kick in and we'll be able to handle it together#i think i kind of do this so regularly bc my brain is just processing everything bc i dont rly have time during the week#all cool tho im doing good overall def on the up n i feel way more capable of coping emotionally which is nice. i <3 meds#also.. possibly settling on the idea that i might be agender. very tentatively. lots of experiences n thoughts coming together rn#ive been reacting in unexpected ways to a lot of gendered shit atm which has made me reconsider the way i think abt myself#but very difficult to articulate it to myself let alone anyone else. so ive been sitting with it for now until it precipitates#gender stuff has never rly affected me much or ive never been in a place to explore it which is why i havent thought abt it super hard#but im not the sort of person who needs a lot of internal exploration to figure out my identity like im v self aware tbh#and while im wildly indecisive abt most things in my life for some reason i never have been abt stuff like this. i learned abt lesbianism#like idk 9 years ago-ish and straight away was like yeah that makes sense for me. never looked back since#n similarly ive experienced forms of gender dysphoria before n just immediately dealt with it symptomatically n moved on#its never been smth to agonise abt for me like i know what makes me comfortable in my skin so theres no question abt doing it#and ik im privileged to be able to do that. and also it helps that gender for me is mostly divorced from external perceptions#+ that im v autistic so social pressures dont stick to me very well. i mean yeah i was bullied for it as a kid but i was stubborn asf#so yeah from the moment i realised i was genuinely uncomfortable/upset abt it earlier this week i was like okay. lets try this instead#its given me pretty instant relief from any distress i was feeling so far which is nice. rare respite from one of my torture labyrinths#just testing out internally whether it frames things more clearly n makes me feel more myself/at peace before i choose to stick w the idea#but not gonna do a whole coming out fanfare either way. dont think i wanna change how ppl interact w me + im still a dyke#so i dont consider it relevant to anyone else unless they share a similar understanding of gender to me. or if we're v close#ill prolly broach it w other trans friends eventually bc insert philosophers talking image. but to everyone else its business as usual#happy to play my cis-sona at work. + w new queer ppl i meet ive been introducing myself recently w mirrored pronouns instead of any/all#and i think i prefer that. virtually indistinguishable but theres smth nice abt inviting ppl to recognise me the way they do themselves#like translating + localising a non-gendered language into a gendered one... simplifying decisions abt how to perceive me#and ofc ppl are still gonna perceive me however but idc much unless we're actually friends. the rest is all a performance anyway#doubtful anyone on here ever has reason to refer to me but if u do for some reason... im freeloading off ur pronouns now btw <3#but yeahhh. much 2 think abt. i need to read more alien/ai sci fi.. non-human sentience has been such a comforting concept lately#but yea tldr i woke up one morning this week like damn im prolly agender but i have a full time job to go to rn so idc abt that#.diaries#okkkk my dex is kicking in im no longer on the verge of tears lets go get these groceries wooohoooo
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You know its pretty fucked up that ADHD will not only make it hard for you to complete the cool interesting stuff you wanna do but also then make you forget about all the cool interesting stuff you have done as soon as you finish it.
#I wrote the lyrics to a full concept album adaptation of Venom (2018)#I rewrote julius caesar by shakespeare to be about cheerleaders#I memorized the first paragraph or so of the skyrim theme which doesnt sound impressive at first#except it was the dragon language version and i memorized it phonetically by keeping a printed out copy of the lyrics on me at all#I memorized dan bulls creeper rap felt uncomfortable with one of the lyrics changed it and then memorized the new version#i do a ton of art i have a bunch of cool stuff ive made i write great poetry#idk like it is frustrating that a lot of things i do i want to do more with but cant figure out the next steps or how to show it to people#but I do a lot of real cool stuff yknow?#original content
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i think i can say pretty confidently that, unless Life gets in the way, i WILL be streaming “We Love Katamari REROLL+ Royal Reverie” when it comes out in June
#ray streams#i was already planning to stream we love katamari eventually but i figured i'd have to use emulation#pretty cool that i'll be able to just get it on steam!!#might even try to stream it on launch day if i can fit it in my schedule#the problem is that i have no idea what my schedule will be in june#if things work out; i'll be settled into a new home and a new job by then#so yeah i'm anticipating some very major life changes in the coming months & i don't yet know exactly how it's all gonna turn out!!!!#but by god i will do my best to keep playing video games on twitch dot tv. because i like to doing the it <3
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Issues with Writing a Self-Insert #1
In case y'all didn't know, I've been going through a reflective period recently, and I've noticed that fear of what others think has held me back in almost every single aspect of my life, and unfortunately fandom is no exception.
I remember when I was like 14 and I tried to write fanfiction for the first time (I don't remember even what fandom I was writing for). Unfortunately, I could barely type a single paragraph without immediately deleting all that I wrote and being overly critical of my lack of writing ability. Even at that age, in the privacy of my dorm room, I couldn't shake off the fear of failure (and I mean howw?? I wasn't the only 14 year old trying to write Wattpad fanfiction). I remember comparing myself to some of my peers who had an amazing talent for writing. For me, I didn't get jealous, but rather I got intimidated, so intimidated that instead of continuing on with something and being imperfect at it, I'd just drop the entire activity altogether.
Because of this habit, I missed out on a lot of potential opportunities for growth during this time. I guess I saw people who were amazing, assumed that they popped out of the womb like that or something, and just....gave up. If I could go back in time, I would tell young me to embrace the cringe, embrace the mess. So what if people laugh or look at you funny or immediately stop whispering to each other once they see you? It sucks, but you will find your people, and you will survive. Trying to be palatable to everyone just means that you stifle yourself.
Years later, I wanted to get back into fanfiction, but this time with very little creative writing experience. What held me back was the fear that someone would read something that I wrote and ridicule it for being something that only an angsty teen would write, except that I am no longer an angsty teen but an unfortunately angsty adult riddled with insecurity, and that reality would just make that hypothetical comment sting even more (that's another thing about me. I create hypothetical ways for people to roast me in order to talk myself out of doing stuff).
#getting involved in fandom has helped me in some ways overcome this fear by helping me embrace certain aspects of myself that I was previous#fortunately i did start to make strides against this before covid hit.#joining a beginner friendly dance team my freshman year really helped (unfortunately i had to stop since i think it conflicted with my job)#more advice for my younger self:#if you can't click with the people in your dorm literally just hang with the kids you know from anime club and robotics club more#also stay in touch with your friends from home! it will help you keep perspective on what normal teens get up to. and hang out with them mo#listen to your parents less. yeah you heard me. “children obey your parents” but maybe seek out more mentor figures who don't make you feel#so bad about yourself to the point of questioning your social skills. your social skills are fine! yes you're cringe at times but you#literally can't even drive legally yet. relax. yes you're allowed to relax even if you got a C (yes yes I know it's bad “it's not even a B”#on that test. in fact try intentionally having fun with cool people and see how your life improves#cooping up in your room to do The Thing is counterproductive#be. less. hard. on. yourself. “but Sarah can fence and can play 3 instruments”. i don't care.#elaine just chills with her friends and can't run to save her life. should she be hard on herself? no? then the same applies to you#you aren't incapable you just suck at time management. that's because you have adhd. yes you. it's not just the yt boy in elementary school#who threw things at people#that doesn't mean that you suck. there are ways to manage it. bullying yourself into being productive has not helped one bit#remember your childhood friend who is literally on the same campus as you but you somehow never see her? hang out with her more#matter of fact spend specifically the summer of 2018 at her house. it's fine y'all haven't drifted apart at all and you used to hog her#brother's ps3 to play ultimate ninja storm when you were 8.#if you mess up something it's fine. learn and keep moving forward#buy less takeout and spend more on clothes. i know you don't like the dining hall food but just buy laoganma or take shiitor from home#and slather it on everything. i know you're already doing that with sweet soy sauce. at least with shiitor you're adding protein#get someone to cut your hair you look better with shorter hair and we both know it. let mum seethe and cry that you're being “rebellious”#she's been saying that since you were like 10. also it would make taking care of your hair *so* much easier and less stressful#you don't need long hair to prove a point. actually the shorter hair will give you more gender euphoria#your hair needs more tlc that looser curls but c'mon you don't need *all* that product#learn to do fancy styles from the girls who can braid but let's be real you don't wanna spend more than 5 minutes on your hair in the morni#you literally go to school in new england be even more queer. queer-er than that. you don't need to be a “good queer”#also be more assertive about your pronouns. even with authority figures#uchiha-gaeshi ramblings
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every day that goes by it feels more and more likely that I'll get this promotion and I can't believe I'm at a place in my life where that's even a possibility. like last year I had just the absolute worst time with employment and just had a horrible year in general but I feel like I got so lucky finding this job. except they felt lucky to find ME. like the hiring manager told me she was so happy to have multiple candidates and that I was easily the best out of the group (she's had to hire people out of desperation/only having one candidate before and they never worked out bc they weren't good fits at all) and my confidence has skyrocketed since I started working there because my boss and coworkers treat me like an equal even though I'm young and relatively inexperienced. they treat me like they believe I'm capable and competent and it makes me feel capable and competent and it's incredible. the idea that I could be getting a promotion for the first time in my life after only 3 months at this place is insane but I'm so hopeful because nobody acts like it's a far-fetched idea. I'm taken seriously and it gave me the confidence I needed to actually say that I'm interested in that promotion and that I know I'm capable of doing that position. plus the company itself is great honestly, I feel really lucky to work there. even as a part time employee at the lowest level I feel genuinely important and appreciated. I've already met the person who would be my boss if I get promoted and she seems just as respectful as everyone else. are all employee-owned companies like this???
#I even earn commissions on top of my regular pay too like. and I'm allowed to accept tips which you'd be surprised how often that happens#way more frequent than I would've guessed#anyway I might have a post soon that's actually celebrating instead of just rambling about the possibilities#or I might have once about how they hired someone new. it wouldn't really make sense for them to do that but whatever#even if they do there's every likelihood that the new person quits after a month or two and I have the opinion#opportunity* again#I can see them deciding to hire someone with more experience in management. but if they went with me they wouldn't have to hire anyone new#and they also wouldn't have to cut anyone's hours#speaking of which! they were planning to cut my coworker's hours before the new manager quit#like. they were gonna cut the more experienced guy's hours instead of mine??? we both open a lot but they'd rather have me there than him??#which is insane honestly like they totally could've just invented a reason to fire me if they wanted to lay me off and not pay unemployment#so I'm more desirable than him??? which is crazy bc he's good at the job#but yeah if they promoted me then he could keep his hours and they wouldn't need to replace my position at all really#it would all balance out really nicely and probably save the company a lot of money honestly. bc I'd take way less time to train#obviously I can already do register and all the other parts of my job. but I also have a good foundation for the manager's duties too#bc I paid attention when the last manager was being trained. plus I've been trained on a manager thing already which is cool#so yeah I'm just. hopeful. it makes the most sense for them to promote me. but I'm not gonna celebrate prematurely#I won't be devastated if it doesn't happen but it would be the best outcome#plus it would kind of turn 2025 into the year of the promotion for my family lol. my dad is expecting to get promoted in the next few months#his boss just got approved for a home loan so he and his wife are gonna be closing on a house in less than 30 days#and it's in his boss's contract that he has to live on-site so he won't be staying unless he can negotiate a contract change. not that he#wants to stay anyway. he's been trying to find a different job for a while now and doesn't want to still be there for the summer season#so my dad would get promoted to that job which not only would be a huge pay increase plus a move from hourly to salaried#but he'd also get free housing as part of the job! so his expenses will go way down and income way up#the extra duties aren't that much either. he'd just be taking on the administrative duties on top of what he already does#plus being on-call (which is why he'd live on-site) but that really only makes a difference for like 3 months of the year lol#he'd be like doubling his income#which actually. wow if we both got promoted our household would suddenly have a 6-figure annual income. what the hell#I can't even imagine that. wow#wow this tag said something else but I reached tag limit lmao. if you read all that hiiiii let's be friends <3
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Guess who's thinking abt eg au again
#rat rambles#stars posting#eternal gales#so! if you dont know abt the human kids functions (which is incredibly likely) then long story short the whole basis of the story is that#each of them are tied to a functionality of their universe and as such when the universe is under threat theyre all brought to its core as#a sort of defense mechanism ok cool got it? got it.#anyways the party all have their functions albiet not all the ones that the human kids have because theresss not enough of them#also I gave sif one that does not exist in eternal gales proper but thats necessary for the time loop thing to work#but yeah bonnie is tied to the managment and creation of physical matter and the other 3 are all tied to various aspects of data storage#this is mostly used in story as like puzzle solving tools since unlike the canon eg kids they are actually doing shit and have a goal#mira is basically translatong external data into smth that the universe systems can understand#isa is the transferral of data from one part of the system to another#and odile is a mix of the data storage itself and the translation of it into smth more comprehendable by outsiders#she has to be a mush of two existing ones since again not enough characters to fill all of them#but this is relevant because that means that while the party still don't remember the loops at all they do have the tools to tell smth is#up asside from just siffrin acting weird#not enough to like fully figure it out tho since even odile can't just like. google search find the answers to things.#its just that as the loops keep trucking the data storage of course shifts and changes in ways that are noticable#like data storage in certain areas being like. weirdly packed and formatted for example#and due to their inherent tie to said data storage they can also to a very very small degree kind of feel the time that has passed#not in a major way. but like in a 'hm. something feels Weird.' kind of way#bonnie doesn't rly have this tho since physical matter is like The thing that is reset every loop#but yeah think of it more like having a billion tabs open and opening a new one and being able to hear your computer cry#except you dont know abt the previous tabs and as such its very concerning that shit is chugging so bad when as far as you know#yesterday it was running perfectly fine#it Can be excused as an oddity from getting close to the king but its still extremely sudden and jarring#especially combined with the other oddities of the timeloop tumbler#of course odile feels it the hardest which combined with her being odile means she's the first to rly look into it much#but isa also feels it pretty damn hard anytime hes doing his thing because god damn is it a nightmare to work through all that shit#mira feels it less but does still get that experience of interacting with the data systems and having it freak out on her a bit
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