#i just went yolo and started ''painting'' | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

uwua3 · 4 years ago

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i stumbled across your blog and i adore your writing!! if it’s not too much to ask, can i get some fluffy cafe date hcs w/ kazu?

YES!!!!!!!!! kazunari Best Boy ever ♡_♡ but thank you so much for the support!!! i hope you’ll adore this piece as well~

summary: you’re kazunari’s greatest gift of them all this christmas

author’s note: i know it’s summer, but this is a christmas! kazunari who is spontaneous and loves the holiday spirit ♡ i miss christmas so much even though i don’t celebrate. enjoy the puns~

word count: 1,771

music: chocolady – akdong musicians (akmu)

i like you a latte!

🌻🎨 miyoshi kazunari

kazunari regretted procrastinating on his big final project of the school year before winter break

he couldn’t help it! he said he’d start soon, but scrolling through his entire timeline took hours! liking posts and making his own creative trends was basically a requirement in his career as a social media influencer!

one thing led to another, and by the time kazunari looked up from his screen, he was surrounded by supplies and only less than half a week to finish a project he got assigned two months ago

no need to panic, just got to do everything right! kazunari went pale like the snowflakes outside and groaned, already stressed as he rubbed his face. this was not going to end well at all... he would need to pull all–nighters just to pass!

kazu⭐️ posted an update! : gonna be offline for a bit~ ♪ don’t miss me too much!!! rip my procastination (^з^)-☆

just a hour after he posted his stresses to the internet, his ears perked up at the custom ring tone he set for you blaring through his room. he took the phone out of his apron pocket and put it to his ear, still mapping out his design as he tried to hide his tiredness

(he hated worrying you, he’d rather have your attention when he was at his best over his exhausted, procrastinative state)

“yolo~! what’s up?” kazunari loudly asked, affectionately calling out your pet name as you laughed on the other end. kazunari could hear you put something on and the jingle of keys. coat? keys? where were you going at this time of night? kazunari pouted, looking at his work, he wished he could go out, too!

kazunari glanced out at his window, seeing it was dark outside. he was about to ask what you were doing before he heard your door close, his facetime screen popped up as he quickly pressed accept, wanting to see your face to motivate him to make some progress

you were walking down your sidewalk in the cold, wearing clothes that were too put–together at this time of night. your cheeks and nose were red from the frost as you grinned at him with all the energy in the world

“i saw your post! i know you’re tired, come on, let’s go get coffee!” you offered, and kazunari felt all his energy come back as he immediately nodded without considering staying behind to focus on his work. he needed you, his energy boost!

“whoa~ why are you so cute?! you know i love coffee! (and you)” kazunari complimented, pushing himself up and heard the crack of his bones. his neck was sore and his clothes were already stained, but he just wanted to see you as he shoved his feet in his shoes and left the studio he was renting

nothing could get between kazunari and his much needed picker–upper (you and caffeine, of course)!

you guys didn’t even have to say which café it was, you two went to the same place as always. it was the 24/7 café that felt like it always stuck in the holiday spirit. the colorful lights were up, there was a jukebox playing christmas classics, and kazunari felt like he was home when he stepped into the warm atmostphere

(like the social butterfly he was, kazunari animatedly exclaimed his greetings and held a small–talk conversation with the exhausted barista at the register. how he remembered the barista’s name was beyond him, and the employee just tried to stay awake as he moved to the back to take a nap. kazunari shrugged, you can’t win everybody, he’ll just try again at a better time)

when kazunari saw you at your usual table by the window with his favorite order and cookies, kazunari rushed over and pulled you into a hug, giving you a big kiss like always did when he wanted to express how much he loved you but couldn’t do it in words

you two were the only ones in the café since it was so late. chocolady by akmu was over the radio this time as the guitar strum made kazunari feel his worries melt away

how could he be stressed when his partner and favorite foods were right in front of him? kazunari slid into the seat next to you, wanting to be as close as possible as he laid his head on your shoulder with a sigh

(it was rare for him to be so clingy without wanting to be the big spoon, so it was nice to have your best boy in your arms because he wanted your love & support)

he was so tired but you always let him rest, it was comforting to know you were here with him and knew coffee would fix him right away

“thank you~ you know i love you, right?” kazunari hummed, taking your hand as he sipped his coffee with the other. it was sugary sweet, just how he liked it. this time, there was peppermint to signify the upcoming holidays

“words cannot espresso how much you bean to me! we’re seriously the perfect blend~” kazunari joked, holding up his marshmallow cup like it was a toast when you two were the only one awake at this hour

you laughed again, patting his head and gently massaging his temples as kazunari cuddled into your side. you always knew how to make him feel better, you were his caffeine dose of the day but like, everyday

“i love you too, kazu. even if your coffee puns are terrible (hey! kazunari took offense), school must be hard on you if you had to go offline for a while!” you comforted him as he nodded, closing his eyes when you pressed a kiss to his forehead. he loved you so much, every act of affection felt like an energy boost even though he felt sleepy in the dim lighting

“s’ my fault anyways, i was busy online.” kazunari murmured, trying to keep his eyes open but your body was so warm. he was in his pajamas too since he didn’t change, and it felt like he was cuddling you back in bed. this was tortue! how could he stay awake when you were super adorable like this?!

kazunari blinked, pushing himself off you as he stood up to stretch, appreciating the quiet music and the stillness of the city at night. suddenly, the song faded and shifted into a christmas song he knew you loved. when you were about to mention it, kazunari placed his drink down and held his hand out with a flourish of a bow

“m’lady~ you are brew–ti–ful, where have you bean all my life?” kazunari asked as you took his hand without a doubt and let him whisk you to your feet. you giggled, trying to not be so loud as you two slow–danced in the public café. anyone walking could see you two dancing through the window, any of the employees could have walked out, but it felt like you two were the only people in the world

you rarely got to witness a tired, more mellow kazunari (even though this meant he was more prone to make insufferable puns). so when you got to see his quiet, more vulnerable side, you always enjoyed his contemplative nature and ability to make anything a special memory. he was tired, but his smile was wide as he attempted to sing along to the lyrics

(he was off–tune on purpose, but you thought you fell in love all over again at the sight of his paint–stained pj’s and his blonde hair illuminated by the warm yellow lighting)

“kazu, stop!” you tried to pull away to avoid being too public with your pda, but he whined as he held you closer, swaying back and forth

“i like dancing with you,” kazunari said, pretending to brush a lock of your hair behind your ear before he put his foot behind your heel, causing you to fall back as he held you in a dip. “do i sweep you off your feet, or do i keep you... grounded?”

kazunari winked and you couldn’t help but laugh at his spontaneous quirks, wanting to retort with something just as punny before you looked past his face and noticed something hanging from the ceiling. oh, mistletoe

without warning, you leaned forward and caught him in a kiss, surprising him to the point where he almost let you go (you would’ve absolutely pushed him out into the snow to freeze forever). but, kazunari quickly tightened his grip as he kissed you back like it was the first

(that was one of your favorite things about kazunari. how it felt like you would never get bored and how his love was new everyday)

he tasted like the mocha peppermint latte you ordered for him and the chocolate cookie he just ate. he was sweet like christmas and all things nice, like he came straight out of a gingerbread house

when you two seperated due to the very awkward cough of the underpaid employee at the front desk, you laughed with no shame as kazunari casually apologized with his instant charisma (he even addressed the barista by name, how’d he even know?)

you two took your time to leave, returning back to your seats to talk more about your plans for the holidays and what to do next before you headed out into the cold

kazunari tossed his empty cup into the trash, noticing the label written as he turned towards you, practically glowing underneath the christmas lights decorating the sidewalk

before you could even say anything, kazunari gave you a peck on the lips and smiled

“thank you, really,”

kazunari pressed another quick kiss even though your face was red (and not just from the winter air)

“i like you a latte, hot stuff! ♪”

(you definitely pushed him into the snow this time)

(you had to give him your jacket when his pajamas were all soaking wet)

because of your coffee date, kazunari always came to the café after school to get his quick dose of nostalgic memories with the same peppermint mocha latte as always

(he always posted a pic, tagging you and affectionately tagging it with every heart emoji to show he was thinking of you)

(he’d remember how amazing you looked when you danced with him, and officially deemed christmas the best holiday ever)

kazunari managed to pass his project in on time and made it to winter break! after all, how could he spend christmas with you if he failed his classes?

#miyoshi kazunari #kazunari miyoshi #a3! act! addict! actors!#a3!#act! addict! actors!#a3! actor training game #a3! headcanons #act! addict! actors! headcanons #mankai a3!#mankai company #a3! x reader #a3 x reader #kazunari x reader #a3! kazunari #a3 kazunari

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evie568 · 4 years ago

Text

Work in progress

♫ ♪ Spotify playlist : Ella changed the Name — Previously named : Cut ; by eviewivi

Date of creation : December 2017 — 3h6m

Let’s start from the beginning.

— —

· Who am I?

My name is Evie.

It was not my given name. I chose it myself. I always wanted a long name, like “Isabella” or “Elisabeth”, but I was given Eve. So I decided to add another letter to it to make it longer (age 4/5).

Some of my diplomas say “Evie”, and others say “Eve”. My passport says “Eve” whereas my social insurance card says “Evie”.

It’s a bit of a mess.

— —

I was born in 1995, in London and moved to the South of France with my family (age 8).

My parents are both English (although they enjoy saying they’re French since they have duel nationality now). I have 2 older sisters and 1 older brother.

At the age of 8, I remember that I could count up to 30 in French and say “Bonjour”. That was about it. I was put in a French school straight away and it was scary at first.

— —

Learning to speak French came naturally as I was young. The grammar was a little harder, and I still have difficulty with it today.

I actually have difficulty in English too. I often make mistakes.

Being born in one country and moving to another can sometimes be confusing.

“Are you French?” Not really…

“English?” Neither…

“So what are you?” Good question.

You often get asked the same questions.

“Do you think in English or French?”

“Do you dream in English or French?”

“Do you prefer England or France?”

I don’t mind it though, they find it interesting.

— —

· What happed?

This is a difficult question. I’m not too sure as I am still discovering things everyday.

I am not writing this, cured from my mental illness. I am writing this, still going through tough times, trying to get better everyday.

I am writing this as a sort of therapy, to help myself and maybe others.

To understand myself better, for family and friends to understand me better and maybe for people to relate to.

Writing has never been my strong point but whether you are good at it or not, I do find it helps. You get to express yourself freely, like dancing, or painting or creating music… any form of art really.

— —

So back to the question : what happened?

In 2018, I was diagnosed with a mental illness I had never heard of before in my life : Borderline Personality Disorder.

— —

· How did this all start?

After finishing a Sound Engineering course back in 2015 (Montpellier, FR), I went back home to my parents house to look for a job in the music industry.

It was very hard to find a job with no work experience at all. It was a catch 22 situation : I needed a job to gain experience but couldn’t get a job without any prior experience.

I would end up playing The Sims everyday in my one piece pajamas. Drinking Desperados in the evening while dreaming of moving to Sydney.

My parents quickly noticed I was not being very productive, and gave me a speech.

I would often check Facebook and see my best friend at the time, having the time of her life as an Au Pair in London.

I was jealous.

— —

In October 2015, I took a plane to London to become an Au Pair.

I was an Au Pair for about 2 years in London, and it was so much fun.

I made friends with other Au Pairs from all over the world that were so lovely. We would go out to bars, concerts, parks, museums, festivals and so much more.

— —

Then I met Julien.

This part is difficult to write about as it is still very painful and I have forgotten a lot.

My therapist told me it’s hard to remember what hurt you so much. I find that to be true in this situation, but I’ll try my best.

— —

I’ve never had a boyfriend in my life. And I was 22 years old.

My brother created an online profile for me on a website called OKCupid. He told me that it wasn’t just for dating, but you could also make friends.

I met Julien on OKCupid. His username was “JulienB26” (his last name started with a B and he was 26… I know, very creative…). Mine was “BurnTogether” (the name of a music album I was OBSESSED with at the time)

He was not my type at all, but sent me the sweetest, most personal message I had ever received, so I thought “why not?”

We met in a rock bar in Camden Town called The Worlds End, and it was fun. We got on straight away and it was my best first date ever.

Long story short we ended up dating.

After only about a month, I left my Au Pair family and moved in with him in Notting Hill. He met my family and I met his.

My parents adored him! He seemed so perfect. He was cultured, dressed nicely, polite, had a good job, a nice and tidy apartment…

He wasn’t that perfect though.

— —

He smoked a lot of weed, was addicted to online video games and extremely jealous.

I remember one time when I was typing to my friend at the time, he snatched my phone out of my hands to see what I was writing. It was quite aggressive and I did not like it at all.

— —

My Au Pair friend Pri invited me one day to spend time with her and our new Au Pair friend to go out to pubs near London Bridge.

I refused, as Julien didn’t want me to go. He didn’t like Pri.

We (Julien and I) went to the rock bar we first met at instead. It was not fun. We didn’t have much left in common.

I felt the relationship slowly dying and there was a lot about him I did not like anymore. But breaking up with him was not an option.

I got drunk. I often drank. I liked it so much and would drink too much, too often.

The following day I saw about 5 to 10 messages from my friend Pri.

There was a terrorist attack that very same night at London Bridge.

She managed to escape but unfortunately our Au Pair friend, did not.

— —

Pri asked me to spend the day with her, the day we found out that our friend had passed away and, of course, I went.

We drank wine together and cried.

She didn’t want to spend the night alone and asked me if I could stay with her.

I agreed and asked Julien if it was okay with him. But it was not.

It was a problem for him and he refused.

I left.

— —

Julien had been acting strange for a couple of days.

I didn’t really know what to do and didn’t want to be egocentric and assume it was because of me, but I did.

Maybe he was thinking about his father who passed away?

I didn’t know, and he wasn’t telling me anything.

— —

One day, as I came home from babysitting, and had enough. I needed to know what was wrong.

He put down his joint, told his online friends on Discord that he needed to leave and turned around from his computer to face me.

— —

This part is very hard to remember.

He told me I didn’t deserve his love as he couldn’t love me to the fullest.

He wasn’t sure whether or not he wanted to end things and needed some time to think.

Our age difference was a problem for him. He thought we were in two different phases of our life.

— —

I didn’t sleep that night.

I watched Netflix and cried until I saw the sun rise.

The next following days were difficult. It was the same pattern everyday.

I woke up sad, left for work angry, came back confused and went to sleep sad.

I didn’t deserve this.

No one deserves being with someone who isn’t sure they love them and needs time to think.

So I decided to leave.

I took a train to Paris and never came back.

— —

My brother who studied art in Paris, decided to spend a year of his education in Bergen, Norway. So he had an un-used flat in Paris for a year.

I asked my parents if I could stay in the flat while looking for a job in Paris.

They agreed.

— —

I felt fresh, like a new chapter of my life was starting. I didn’t know anyone (besides my brothers friends, Julie and Yolo).

I bought healthy, organic, vegan food and bought a membership to a gym that I would go to everyday for an hour.

Things were looking good. I felt positive.

— —

I quickly found a part-time job as a receptionist for a company involved in cryptocurrency.

It was so much fun.

I loved saying hello to all the staff that walked passed my desk in the morning.

My life was good, and it got even better.

— —

I went to the company’s seminar in a grand chateau outside of Paris.

One evening, we had special places to sit for dinner. It was a way of mixing all different employees from different services to connect.

I was sat at a table with one of the Vice Presidents of the company.

He was very kind and asked me what I do outside of work and what I would like to do in the future.

I had a couple of Desperados and told him that I originally wanted to join a company in the music industry and work my way up, but since working for the company, I had fallen in love with the it and would actually like to work my way up in this company.

This was not a sneaky plan or anything. I’m not that smart.

Fortunately though, the President of the company heard my tipsy conversation and called me over.

He asked me if what I said was true. I was astonished he knew my name!

— —

About two weeks after the seminar, the Vice President of Sales approached me asking if we could have a chat.

He had heard from the President that I wanted to join the company and offered me a position in the Sales department.

I had no experience whatsoever in sales, but accepted with great pleasure.

— —

My personal life on the other hand was not going so well.

I was drinking a lot and started cutting myself with broken glass as a punishment for drinking.

But I didn’t tell anyone or do anything about it as I felt in control of the situation.

I was on OKCupid again but comparing every profile to Julien.

In the spring of whatever year it was (2018 maybe?), I went back to London to see Julien as he had some of my belongings to give back to me.

We talked and walked in Hyde Park for about two hours. I wore his favorite dress.

I told him about my amazing new job and friends I had made. I was subtly bragging about my life. I wanted him to regret letting me go. And he did. He cried so much and felt very regretful. I felt happy even though I was suffering inside.

Towards the end of the walk he told me he was seeing someone new.

I did not expect that. I was shocked.

— —

I remember taking the underground back, and crying like I have never cried before while listening to Taylor Swift.

I felt that something inside of me had changed. Something bad.

— —

After returning back to Paris things got worse. I was drinking more and cutting deeper and more often.

Julien was still texting me at the time and I was not responding as I wanted to cut the cord with him.

He didn’t understand why and I remember telling him that I had never felt this bad in my life. I had never hated myself so much and needed space.

He told me that I needed to seek professional help.

I said goodbye and blocked him.

— —

On the day of Gay Pride 2018 in Paris.

I was drinking alone.

I didn’t eat anything that day and drank a bottle of white wine alone in my flat.

I remember grabbing a glass and smashing it on the floor, collecting the sharpest piece of glass I could find and cutting and cutting and cutting.

My friend Yolo came over and saw the pieces if glass all over the kitchen floor and saw me on the floor crying and bleeding.

She called an Uber and took me to a psychiatric hospital.

I was so desperate for help that I would have gone anywhere she took me.

We had to stop the Uber half way there so I could throw up and then continue on our route.

— —

Once there I remember talking to a professional, crying, about suicidal thoughts I had.

I remember doing a lot of research at the time and discovered a website.

It had all the information I was looking for on it.

I spent a night at the hospital Saint Anne to sober up.

The following day, they let me go.

— —

Even though things were bad, I still felt 100% in control of the situation.

I would self harm and drink almost daily.

I continued doing research about suicide and the sharpest object known to man.

One day I decided to order a pack of scalpels off of Amazon. They arrived quickly.

I was so eager to try them but had to go to work that day. So I just did a small cut on my arm and wow.

I didn’t press hard at all but bled. It was so satisfying at the time.

— —

On my friend Julie’s birthday I remember coming home from work, going to the closest shop to my flat and buying two 50cl cans of Desperados. I could tell the cashier was judging me, but I did not care much.

I put on a stand up comedy show on Netflix and proceeded to drink the beer.

Then I remembered the scalpels in my bedside draw.

I had promised myself not to self-harm anymore before the summer holidays as I would be around my family in t-shirts and shorts.

But I wanted to so badly. So I did.

I said to myself that it would be just one cut on my thigh. But it had to be satisfying enough.

So I cut my thigh.

— —

I forgot that it was a scalpel and in my mind it was just a piece of broken glass.

Big mistake.

I cut too deep.

I remember seeing the white fat through the cut in my thigh.

It didn’t hurt though.

Then the blood started to flow. There was so much.

I tried to close the cut with my hands, but blood got everywhere.

I panicked.

I didn’t want to disturbed Julie on her birthday so I phoned her boyfriend (who was also my work colleague).

He calmed me down and phoned the emergencies who arrived very quickly.

— —

I went to the hospital and had to have ten stitches in my thigh.

They also made me speak to a therapist there who told me I could go home.

So I went home.

— —

I was seeing a psychiatrist for a while (since the Gay Pride event)

That told me after the 10 stitches incident that I was depressed.

I still remember the feeling of her telling me I was depressed. I was shocked and didn’t want to believe her.

I had everything under control!

She suggested I take antidepressants and I accepted. Paroxetine 10mg

— —

I worked for the company for about a year.

It was amazing.

I traveled to Berlin and London. I also attended a “Blockchain Cruise” from Barcelona to Monaco to Ibiza.

I could bring whomever I wanted from the company.

I chose Jacques.

He seemed nice.

— —

On the cruise, there was a party going on and of course, we both attended it. I was a little bit tipsy and kissed a guy on the dance floor.

I remember seeing Jacques really angry and went over to talk to him.

We were talking near the main bar on the boat.

He seemed very drunk.

He tried to kiss me but I pushed him away.

He tried again and I had to push harder.

Someone felt the need to intervene and asked me if I needed help.

I told them that everything was okay and walked Jacques back to the room.

— —

After the trip I wanted to forget that side I saw of Jacques.

So I did.

I wanted to be his friend and he wanted to be mine.

— —

One evening we were having drinks with work colleagues in a whiskey bar.

I asked Jacques, as a friend, if he wanted to spend the night at my flat.

I felt very lonely and was a bit tipsy.

I didn’t want anything to happen between us, but I understand now how he thought differently.

— —

As we were going to bed, he tried again, like on the cruise to kiss me.

I pushed him away but he was stronger.

He then proceeded to take my pajama trousers off.

I pulled them back up. He pulled them back down.

I remember his fingers inside of me. I tried pushing him off of me but he grabbed my wrists.

He then, finally, saw that I was not happy.

So thankfully, he stopped.

I pulled my trousers back up and stayed in a foetus position until I fell asleep.

— —

The next morning we walked to work together.

I didn’t feel right. Something about that night felt wrong.

I phoned Julie and told her what had happened. She was in Greece at the time.

I sent an email to my boss telling him that I didn’t feel well and asking him if I could have the day off.

He accepted and I left with my friend Yolo who met me at work.

— —

We had a lovely day. We went to the cinema, went and got massages, and later on that evening, we were at a café and my friend Julie appeared out of nowhere!

She had taken an early plane back from Greece to come and see me.

I was so happy to see her!

— —

The next week, at the end of the day at work, round 7pm, my boss asked if he could talk to me.

He told me that the President of the company had heard that I slept with a married colleague.

This has never happened and I has shocked and embarrassed.

I told him this information was not true and he believed me.

He told me to tell him if anything ever happens between me and a colleague.

I felt the need to tell him that Jacques took advantage to me. And I did.

My voice was shacking. He was angry.

After our chat, I left and went home.

— —

I don’t remember this part very well but I remember going to see my therapist very drunk with a bottle in my hand to my appointment.

She called the emergencies and they took me to a psychiatric hospital, La Maison Blanche.

— —

It was very strange at first seeing all different kinds of patients, with all different mental illnesses.

(the person is drinking water from a puddle, not praying)

— —

I stayed for about 15 days there and made some friends.

It wasn’t as bad as it first seemed.

— —

My siblings were aware of what was going on with me. But once again, I still felt under control of what was happening.

They didn’t think so, and they were right to think that.

One day I ran away of the hospital and drank cans of beer in the side walk.

That is when my siblings decided to tell my parents what was going on.

After going back inside the hospital, one of the nurses told me that my mother was on her way to see me, she took a 4h train to come.

She had no idea what was going on before. It must have been a terrible shock for her.

I felt so scared and embarrassed for her to see me in this blue outfit they had given me but they refused to give me back my clothes.

— —

It was extremely difficult to balance my work and personal mental health.

I was coming to terms with my depression and accepting that I was, in fact, never in control of anything that was happening to me.

— —

After leaving the hospital, I went back to work.

It was very awkward at first.

The President of the company asked to speak with me about my long absence.

I didn’t want to go into details, so I just mentioned that I was at the hospital without saying why, or what kind of hospital…

Later that same day, someone from human resources also asked to speak to me.

She was asking is everything was okay and I told her what my therapist had told me to say, that I had a really sore throat.

Now looking back at it, I know that she knew exactly where I was. In a psychiatric hospital.

The papers the hospital were giving to my company to cover my absence, had the address on them.

So she knew…

— —

One day, my boss got fired out of the blue. He was such an amazing person and work colleague. He didn’t deserve this.

Later that month, my other Sales colleague, also got fired.

Cryptocurrency was not doing as well as it was before, and the company was slowly dying.

I was next to get fired.

It was the day before my birthday.

I remember my new, less cool boss, asked me to have a word with him and a person from HR.

I honestly thought at the time that I was getting a raise. Lol.

The conversation was very awkward, it lasted about 15 minutes. I don’t remember much of what was said.

They told me to leave straight away and not mention to anyone that I got fired.

I told my friend/colleague on Slack before leaving the building.

He was worried he was next to get fired.

So I sent him a brief message saying “turns out you were right about the Sales team getting fired. I have to leave now. Please don’t tell anyone.”

I left and went home.

— —

As I got home I lay on the sofa staring into oblivion.

I wanted to cry. I said to myself that this is a situation most people would cry.

But it was so hard to shed a tear.

I felt numb.

— —

I phoned my mother and told her what had happened. She was worried I would do something bad.

I invited my friend, Alienor, that I made from the hospital over, and we drank beer and took cocaine.

My father phoned me.

He could hear by my voice that I had drank.

My parents contacted Yolo to come pick me up and take me back to the hospital by Uber.

I felt obliged to go with her, so I went and Alienor left.

I only stayed one night or maybe two. I don’t really remember.

— —

I continued living in Paris for a couple of months, without a job.

I would drink everyday. Cans of Heineken beer.

I would wake up and drink straight away, while watching BoJack Horseman.

Then I would fall asleep around 6pm.

Everyday was the same pattern. Beer and BoJack.

— —

I had stopped self harming, as I had promised myself since the 10 stitches to never start again. But suicide was still a big subject in my mind.

The website I had discovered, has the most common methods of suicide in order of success rate. And hanging myself seemed like an okay technique.

I wanted to test it out without actually killing myself.

I know it sounds weird.

I wanted to try and see if it was doable without actually doing it all the way.

——

I took the cotton belt off from my work trousers. I thought to myself that I wouldn’t need it anymore, as I don’t have a job anymore.

I tied a knot around my clothes hanger in my wardrobe, and tied the other side around my neck.

Then, I very gently bent my legs (as I could touch the floor).

The next thing I remember is waking up with the belt around my neck, in my wardrobe.

Saliva was all over my mouth. Snot was dripping from my nose.

It scared me.

I couldn’t undo the tight knot around my neck so cut it off with a pair of kitchen scissors.

I threw the belt in the bin and laid in my bed in a state of shock.

I phoned a friend at the time, and told him what just happened to me.

He came over and we talked about it.

— —

I liked him, he promised not to tell anyone and let me drink.

Yolo and Julie where more worried and protective. They would judge how much I would drink, and I didn’t really like that.

— —

One day, a colleague/friend of mine was organizing a small party at his house with about 8 people.

Julie, her boyfriend, Yolo and I all went along with other ex-work colleagues.

I got drunk quickly. And when I drank, I would talk too much.

I told a friend/ex-work colleague that I tried to hang myself the other day just to try it out but ended up fainting.

— —

Later that evening, I went home to my flat and fell asleep.

Around 3 in the morning, my door bell rang.

I didn’t know who it was, but opened the door all tired.

It was Julie, Yolo and another friend.

They were really worried about me.

What I had said at that party has gotten out, and everyone knew about it.

They told me I needed to go back to the hospital.

So I did the very next morning.

— —

I went back to The Maison Blanche, and stayed there for 12 nights.

One of the male nurses saw me and asked why I was back, again.

I told him what had happened and he was very nice. He gave me advice and listened to me.

He mentioned that we should go out for drinks once I get out of the hospital. I agreed and gave him my number.

— —

We texted that night, while I was in my hospital bed.

Our text messages were very flirtatious.

The next following days we had sexual relations in my hospital room, and in the storage room.

— —

Once I left La Maison Blanche, I invited Alienor over to drink and take cocaine.

And I told her about my romantic affair I had at the hospital.

She didn’t seem surprised. She told me that another female patient had sexual relations with a nurse there too, and she wondered if it was the same nurse. So did I.

We sent a message to the girl in question and asked her to describe the male nurse she had relations with.

It was him. Paul. And she was 17.

— —

This suddenly felt wrong and I had to tell someone. So I told my mother about Paul and also Jacques.

She was really angry. More so about Paul the nurse than Jacques. But I felt the opposite.

I didn’t feel taken advantage of by Paul. But Jaques really hurt me.

My mother wanted me to report both of them to the police, so I did.

— —

My parents didn’t trust me living alone in such a big city so far away. I needed help.

In May 2019 I want to Rehab for alcohol and cocaine addiction.

I spent one month there. It was much nicer than the hospital. They had a ping-ping table, a chess set and many more activities.

I spent a month in Rehab and it was really nice to be away from alcohol.

Alcohol affected me in bad ways.

I would say so many things I regret. I would hurt myself and make bad decisions.

I drank so much that when I didn’t, I would uncontrollably shake and feel faintish.

Rehab made me want to stop forever.

— —

My mother would visit me often and it was lovely to see her. She was very supportive.

After leaving Rehab, it was time for me to leave Paris forever and move back in with my parents down South of France.

I needed to not be alone. I needed help.

— —

I moved back into my old bedroom with my vinyls and The White Stripes posters. It was comforting.

I was now taking more medication : Paroxetine (20mg) and Abilify (5mg).

And it was making me feel better.

My mother wanted me to see one of the best therapists in France.

So I started seeing a new psychiatrist in Bordeaux, FR (1h away by train) every two weeks.

At first we did not get along.

I wanted him to help me forget about my ex, but he explained that it was not possible to forget the past, you must accept it as part of you, like a scar.

He wanted me start writing about my feelings in a journal. I was not good at it and did not enjoy it. But I did it anyway.

— —

A few months later, I was starting to feel much better and stronger.

My therapist was really helping me, and so was my family.

I decided it was time to find a job near my parents house.

In October 2019, I found a job as an Exhibition Assistant for a company in events.

I was saving up to move to Sydney, Australia. To start a new life far away. To a place I’ve always wanted to go to.

I’ve never been to Australia but didn’t care.

— —

Working for this company was not fun, and a lot of pressure. They wanted to me make a minimum of 200 phone calls a day. And I hated being on the phone.

I told my therapist about my job being very pressurizing and he told me to quite and move to Sydney sooner.

That sounded like a great plan! I was so happy about this decision.

I went home and bought myself a Working Holiday Visa.

— —

My psychiatrist decided it was time to stop my medication as I was doing really well.

So I stopped them gradually.

The withdraw effects were a nightmare.

I was sweating, felt nauseous, had diarrhea, felt extremely emotional…

But that only lasted for about 2 weeks.

I was so happy that I wasn’t taking any medication anymore!

I felt on top of the world.

— —

For New Years Eve, I decided to go see my old friends from when I was doing my Sound Engineering course.

I told them about what had happened to me, and I could see it made them sad. They told me that I was such a happy person before. That I didn’t deserve this.

I told them I was fine now and that it was in the past.

I didn’t drink on NYE and they respected that. But I felt odd. I felt numb for some reason. They loved me so much and expressed it. But I didn’t seem to feel the same way. I used to. But not anymore. I didn’t feel love for anyone and that worried me. I felt like a ghost.

— —

My mother picked me up and could tell that I was different.

I went to work the following day and did not feel well at all.

I could feel it all coming back. I was so scared and ashamed of relapsing. But I knew I was.

I told my boss that I wasn’t feeling well and she let me go home.

I got back home and told my parents : I think I’m depressed again…

— —

I saw my therapist again and every session he would read what I wrote.

This was the last time I wrote in my diary.

He closed my black book and called my mother in.

He told me I needed to go back to a psychiatric hospital.

— —

My parents drove me back home from Bordeaux after that session and we packed a suitcase and went to the nearest psychiatric hospital. La Candelie in Agen.

I remember hearing my therapist on the phone to the hospital telling them I have Borderline Personality Disorder. I had no idea what that was.

— —

I arrived at La Candelie and spent 7 weeks there.

I was not in a good state of mind.

I tried hanging myself multiple times there in the shower but couldn’t let go of all of my weight by bending my legs. I just couldn’t.

I cut myself often and managed to bring in Vodka.

It was a mess.

— —

They put me in the isolation room for one night.

The isolation room was horrific.

They gave me paper pajamas that would rip with the slightest movement.

The door was locked and I had a bucket to pee in.

I was not allowed a pillow or a blanket. It was so cold and my pajamas were ripped everywhere.

The next morning, I saw a psychiatrist from the hospital and told him that I was fine and just being dramatic. I did not want to go back there.

— —

After 7 long weeks I was finally allowed out.

It was a long time.

I was now on even more medication : Paroxetine, Abilify, Tercian, Alprazolam and Mirtazapine.

I felt so numb. Better, but numb.

Australia was not an option anymore. Not for a while anyway.

— —

Once I left the hospital, I was obliged to have a nurse come to my parents house every morning and evening to make sure that I take all my medication properly.

I also had to go a psychological-medical center once a week.

I got tired of explaining what happened when, where and why. It was hard to remember. So I decided to write all the bullet points down on a piece of paper.

— —

· Where am I now?

Today is the 13th of May 2021. I still suffer from my mental illness even though I wish it was all in the past.

I’m currently taking Mirtazapine, Abilify and Alprazolam and only see a nurse once a week to restock on medication.

My therapist appointments have been elongated to once a month.

I haven’t self harmed in about a year.

I do however still have episodes with suicidal thoughts, but they are less severe.

My therapist from Paris once told me that you will have ups and downs, but with time the ups will be less up and the downs less down.

It’s starting to make sense now.

I currently live in a small city called Agen (30m drive from my parents house) with my boyfriend Yann. He’s the best.

We met through an old friend of mine that I reconnected with last year.

I still don’t have many friends where I live, as they are all over the place (Montpellier, London and Paris)

— —

My mother took an online course about Borderline Personality Disorder, which I really appreciate. I feel like maybe she understands a part of me more.

— —

Julie left Paris and moved to Montpellier to become a Yoga instructor. She and her boyfriend are still together, building their new life in the South of France.

— —

Yolo is still in Paris, she recently got a job as a video editor for a cool company. She’s doing great.

— —

Pri is still in London, not as an Au Pair anymore but as a chef by day, and an Art Salon organizer by night. She’s always been very productive and I admire that.

— —

Alienor unfortunately is back in the hospital in Paris, La Maison Blanche, as she tried to commit suicide by jumping off of a bridge above train rails. She lost both of her legs and one arm, but thankfully survived.

— —

The criminal cases concerning Jacques and Paul the nurse, are still going on. It’s been a very long process but I hope it ends soon.

— —

I don’t have any news at all regarding Julien and do not plan on having any.

— —

· Why am I writing this?

Like I wrote at the beginning of this, longer than expected text, about my mental health, I am writing this for me, my family and friends and hopefully others who may relate to it and seek help if they need it.

I often mentioned that I felt under control of the situation, but I was wrong. So maybe someone reading this might make the decision to seek help.

I have no words to describe how thankful I am to the people who helped me.

This is not a suicide note, it’s the opposite. It’s a “life” note.

A note to remind me that some days can be nice and happy, but others can be very, very hard. But you must go on. You must keep on fighting. It might seem like an endless battle but it gets better.

Sometimes that’s hard to see. But I see it now.

#borderline life #borderline personality traits #bpd #borderline personality disorder #mental health #mental illness #addiction #love #love story

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lilaclovestowrite · 5 years ago

Text

Arcade Chaos (Katsuki x Cheerful!Reader)

“ Bakugo oneshot with cheerful!reader at arcade plz? ”

Type: Request from Quotev

Words: 2556

Fandom: My Hero Academia

Pairing: Katsuki x Reader

Genre: Hint of fluff, lots of Katsuki rage lol, and mainly humor

Summary: Somehow, you’re able to drag your crush, Katsuki Bakugou, to an arcade for the day. Of course, this creates chaos, since the Bakusquad happens to be there as well. But maybe, after all the chaos, you’ll finally be able to confess your true feelings to him!

Warnings:

None

💥💥💥

“Why the heck are we in this lame place!?” questioned an irritated Katsuki.

“Cuz arcades are fun!” I answered, leading him in by the hand. He was very resistant—but he was no match for my nonexistent strength.

“Fun? This place is for nerds who live in their mom’s basement. Just like stupid—”

“Deku, yeah, yeah,” I finished for him with a blasé attitude. “I’ve heard it all before. Why don’t you just focus on something else besides Midoriya?”

“Pfft, like what?”

“Uh, something that actually matters. Video games, obviously.”

“I’m leaving.” Just as he tried to escape, I pulled him back.

“Get yer hands off me!” He flicked his wrist away from me, and huffed as he scanned the arcade’s interior.

“Come on, please stay with me for just an hour? PLEEEEEAAAASSSEEEEEE~!?” I forcefully smiled, holding my hands together in a purposely pathetic pose.

“Well, you already kidnapped me so—whatever. And what’s the difference between these games and the ones on my phone? Only geeks play these chunky, 8-bit fossils.”

“Trust me. You’ll see,” I vaguely left as an answer.

After I dragged Katsuki around the building, I asked him if anything caught his eye. “So, do you know what game you wanna play?”

“’Nuke the Zombies’ didn’t look too trashy, I guess.”

I blinked once. “Uhh, how about something more child-friendly?”

“Fine. How about ’Blow up the Bunny’ then?”

Why did I ever think this was a good idea?

“Let’s not.”

But what we didn’t know, is that our other friends happened to be here as well! Eijiro, Denki, Hanta, and Mina approached us all at once.

“Wow! Hey, guys! Nice to see you here,” Eijiro greeted.

Hanta laughed. “Didn’t really expect to see you two here. . .specifically, together.”

“The heck you mean by that!?” Katsuki nearly erupted, but I held him back.

“Oh, y’know—just figured you’d be at home plotting your revenge for Midoriya or something.”

His response only earned him a snarl from Katsuki. But Mina, on the other hand, decided to push all of Katsuki’s buttons without thinking.

“Maybe they’re on a date!!” she gasped. “WAIT, ARE YOU—”

“SHUT YOUR MOUTH!! This isn’t a heckin’ date!” Katsuki debunked. “She bugged me nonstop about coming to this trash hole, and finally got on my nerves, so I came.”

By the smug look on my friend’s faces—they were obviously not buying it. Truthfully, I wouldn’t have minded it if were a date. Considering I’ve always had a thing for Katsuki. People may have thought I was crazy for liking someone so spastic with anger management issues—but there was more to him than just his atrocious personality. He had a lot of admirable qualities like uh, well, I’ll think of some later.

“Alright then~” Mina giggled.

“Guys, when can we play some games?” asked Denki.

“Right now!” Eijiro made an immediate beeline for Whac-A-Mole. “Bakugou, you gotta try out this game! I used to play it when I was younger, and it’s so much fun.”

“The heck is it?”

Katsuki stormed over and studied the attributes of the vintage game, while Eijiro explained the rules of it to him.

“And when the mole thing rises up, you just hit it with this mallet!”

“Pfft, sounds like a baby game. Pass.”

“Aw, c’mon!” I joined in, trying to convince him to try it out.

Hanta agreed, “Yeah! Don’t be such a wet blanket, man.”

After all our nagging, he eventually gave in and reluctantly picked up the game mallet. “Gross, a thousand brats probably got their diseased germs all over this thing.”

“They’re not as diseased as your attitude, that’s for sure—”

“COME AGAIN, KNOCK-OFF PIKACHU!?!”

“Hey, hey,” Eijiro tried calming. “Just try one round at least!”

“Ugh, fine.”

Once the game started, the plastic moles slowly rose up from their holes, and each one was hammered by Katsuki. He displayed his obvious boredom through stance and expression.

“This game is about as fun as watching paint dry.”

“Oh, it gets harder,” I snickered.

“This is about as hard as using Deku as a football.”

But he was soon showed otherwise—as the game’s difficulty increased. The moles now only stayed up for half a second now, and even Katsuki was having a hard time keeping up.

“C’mon, dude! Whack them!” Eijiro cheered.

“THIS STUPID MALLET ISN’T WORKING!!!” he screeched, causing the rest of the people around us to stare. It was a bit embarrassing. But that’s my penalty for going out in public with Katsuki. “DIE, RATS, DIEEEEEE!!!!” So, he dropped the mallet, and just started exploding the moles with his hands.

And of course, the result was he melted the arcade machine. All the moles were now nothing but liquefied plastic, which was totally uncalled for compared to the games standards.

I walked back to my friend’s table with Katsuki by my side.

“Alright, I just called Katsuki’s therapist and he was able to, er—scream out his issues. So, I think we’re good!” I informed with a thumbs up.

“My therapist can bite rocks.”

I let out a sigh of disappointment at his rude response.

“Hey, (Y/N)! Did you see any games that caught your eye?” Hanta wondered.

I answered with, “Hmm. . .well, I did wanna play Whac-A-Mole. But now it’s melted into the flooring, so. . .”

“It wasn’t even fun,” Katsuki downplayed. “I have more fun beating Deku. Wait—they should make a game called Whac-A-Deku. Now, I’d play that.”

We only stared at our friend, mildly disturbed.

Hanta said, “Pac-Man it is, then.”

After playing a few more games, we headed to the eating area. We ordered some pizza and soda, so we just chatted as we ate.

“You guys, what do you think is better? Pac-Man or Ms. Pac-Man?” asked Mina.

“They’re the same thing, Raccoon Eyes.”

“NO, PAC-MAN IS A MAN, AND MS. PAC-MAN IS A WOMAN.”

I awkwardly nibbled on my pizza, watching the conversation between them take a nosedive for the worst.

“Guys, is butter a carb?” Katsuki asked us.

Denki replied, “I don’t know—I don’t watch Gordon Ramsey.”

“Whatever, I’m getting cheese fries.” He launched his pizza in the trash can (which he carelessly missed), and headed back to the ordering station.

Just as Katsuki got out of earshot, Mina immediately began interrogating me.

“So. . .ya sure you two weren’t on a date~?”

I went red with total shock and embarrassment. “What? No way! He doesn’t like me like that.”

Hanta chuckled. “He liked you enough for you to literally drag him here. That’s like, a deathwish for most people.”

I knew he had a point.

Eijiro said, “Plus, he needs a girlfriend. He needs someone to keep him fairly sane.”

All their talking had me blushing. Yes, I liked Katsuki a lot—but I never thought it’d go any further than that. However, you never know about these kind of things.

“So. . .should I ask him out or something?” I hesitantly questioned.

“Go ahead! I mean, there’s not a line of girls trying to date him, that’s for sure.”

I took it into consideration. Maybe today, I should try to make a move. I mean, YOLO, amirite?

“Alright, I’ll try next time I see him,” I gulped.

They all smiled uncontrollably, but instinctively stopped once Katsuki returned to the table.

“Why’re you idiots all staring at me like a bunch of idiots?”

“Oh, uh—well. . .” I mentally prepared myself for rejection. I knew all my friends were bursting at the seams, waiting for me to confess my feelings to Katsuki. But it was just so awkward. So, I chickened out. “I uh, wanted to know if you were gonna share your cheese fries with me.”

“What does share mean?”

I could hear Eijiro facepalm. So, I ended the awkwardness with, “Nothing! Just eat your fries—”

Later, we all continued searching for what else to play.

So, I cleared my throat to get everyone’s attention. “Ahem. How about we do something that’s multiplayer?”

“You mean like a competition?” Katsuki wondered, a psychotic smile forming on his face once the idea of winning first place entered his mind. Now, we were all scared.

“Uh, you’re smiling like a psycho again—I MEAN, uh, yeah! We just need to find a game that allows two players. . .and one that isn’t taken.” As I examined the room and every one of its consoles, I found one that caught my eye.

Dance Dance Revolution (DDR).

“Hmm, I know! That one!” I excitedly pointed to the one I was referring to.

“OMG, that one is so cool! I used to play it when I was younger!” Mina beamed.

“Oh, great. Dancing? I thought you’d pick something that would actually hold my interest. Like no-scoping zombies or something.”

I crossed my arms and said the thing I knew would make him do what I wanted. “What? You think you can’t beat me? Think I’m gonna win instead~?”

“Pfft, in your dreams. I’d beat you at any game at any time of the week. You’re a lame gamer.”

“You think so, eh? Well, let’s just find out!” I skipped over to the DDR machine and patiently waited for the two children to finish up their round. However, patience wasn’t an idea Katsuki could process in his arrogant brain.

“Hit the road, punks! I’ve got a game to win!” He shoved the two kids off, and cleared the platforms for both of us. I tried mouthing an apology to the two schoolboys, but they had already escaped to find their parents.

Katsuki extended his arms and stretched out his fingers. Eijiro and Hanta approached me, asking if I was sure this was a good idea. I knew Katsuki was unhealthily obsessed with winning, but that only made it more fun being his opponent, at least in my opinion! (Plus, seeing him fail was ten-times funnier).

“Go easy on her, dude,” Denki tried helping out.

“No way, Calamari. I’m not a braindead loser like you.” Finishing up his mini exercise, he stepped onto the dance platform. “What’re you waiting for, girly?” Katsuki snarked at me with a confident smirk.

I stepped on mine as well, and scrolled through the list of songs to perform. “We could start with easy mode,” I offered.

“No way. Go for the hardest mode you can find.”

Someone was going to break their legs, and it wasn’t going to be Midoriya this time around.

“Oh. . .well, uh—alright!” I landed my finger on this Vocaloid song called The Disappearance of Hatsune Miku, which was apparently the most challenging one on this menu. “Alright, there’s the modes: Beginner, Intermediate, Pro, Master, and uh, Death.”

“Choose Death then.”

With a cloud of anxiousness looming over my figure, I pressed that option. I didn’t know what to expect—but I was scared.

“How bad can it be?” chuckled Eijiro.

Oh, but it was pain. It was the most torture I’ve ever experienced in my entire life.

When the gameplay started, it wasn’t too hard in the intro of the song. But when the fast part came, it was like we were dancing to save our lives. People in the building came to spectate us and our anguish—but our friends cheered us on the entire time.

“REEEEEEEEE, END MEEEEEEEEEE!!!” Katsuki screeched as he barely managed to touch the flashing tiles on his platform.

I felt as if I was jumping across a room full of nails sticking straight up. I could barely keep up with the beat of the song, and I was already exhausted. But we weren’t even halfway into it.

“BEATING ALL FOR ONE IS EASIER THAN THIS TORTURE MACHINE!” roared Katsuki.

“You’re almost to the beat break!” Hanta reassured.

Finally, the first verse of the song ended. So, our legs could take a break for a few seconds. Katsuki and I were desperately trying to regain oxygen, since it was such a rush. When we looked at our current scores—I saw that I was luckily five points higher than Katsuki.

“WHAT THE HECK!? HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE!?” he raged.

“HA.”

Everyone cheered for me at the moment, but Katsuki wasn’t having it. He was more than determined to beat me now.

When the gameplay resumed, we continued to push ourselves to dance on the correct tiles. Our scores were nearing closer together, and it was only a matter of time before one of us passed each other for good and won.

“ALMOST THERE,” Katsuki spoke to himself, as he glimpsed at his own score.

But just the moment before it was all over, Denki accidentally activated his Quirk due to the hype building up in his system—and it shot out at the DDR machine, causing it to short-circuit and die.

“NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!” Katsuki bellowed out, as he fell on his knees and placed his hands on the now black screen. “I’M GONNA KILL YOU, STUPID PIKACHU!!!”

However, it was pointless because Denki already fried his brain and went dumb. “Wheyyyy~”

Eijiro couldn’t help but laugh hysterically, along with Hanta and Mina. It only made Katsuki’s blood boil—and frankly, I couldn’t help but giggle too.

“I’VE HAD ENOUGH OF THIS PAIN.” Katsuki stood up and stalked out of the arcade. Of course, I followed him.

“Katsuki! Don’t be upset. It’s only a game.”

“I WAS SO CLOSE TO WINNING!” he fumed. “I COULD HAVE BROKEN THE STUPID RECORD—”

“Shh, just relax! They’ll probably fix it, and we can always come back later.” I placed a comforting hand on his shoulder, which he surprisingly didn’t flick off.

“Hmph. I’m never playing that demon game ever again.”

I laughed softly. “Well, there’s plenty of other games. But other than the fact Denki shut off the game—did you have fun?”

He turned his head to me, and for I moment, I swear I saw his eyes soften by a fraction. “Maybe a little—but not that much.”

I’ll take that as a yes, coming from him.

But now that we were together with no other distractions, I decided to take a risk and slide my hand into his. He widened his eyes—since affection was probably a concept far removed from his unfriendly mentality.

I looked down at the floor and smiled, saying, “I was thinking, Katsuki. Would you uh, would you consider being my Player Two?”

I didn’t even care how cheesy I was being at this point.

“The heck does that mean?”

Our friends screamed from a distance, “SHE’S ASKING YOU OUT, GENIUS!”

Katsuki stiffened up, since he was struggling to find a riposte to throw back in my face. But it was relentless. Instead, he let out a sigh and told me, “That’s the sappiest and most idiotic thing I’ve ever heard—but sure. You’re not as annoying as the others.”

I strained my cheeks from smiling so much, and I threw my arms gleefully around Katsuki. The others were probably afraid he’d blow up or something, but thankfully, he didn’t. Instead, he returned the favor by awkwardly rubbing my head.

“They’re so cute together~” sighed Mina.

“Yeah, Bakugou better not screw it up,” Eijiro added with a smile.

“It’s Bakugou, he screws everything up.”

“True.”

Maybe coming to this place was a good idea after all~

104 notes · View notes

fioress · 4 years ago

Text

chicago’s very own fiore gattuso has been spotted on madison avenue driving a 2020 bentley continental gt v8 in red , welcome ! your resemblance to lorenzo zurzolo is unreal . according to tmz , you just had your twenty first birthday bash . your chance of surviving new york is uncertain because you’re impatient , but being cunning might help you . i think being a libra explains that . 3 things that would paint a better picture of you would be bloodshot baby blue eyes, long drives without a specific destination, getting high by the beach. ( i have been conning money out of older women and men ever since my parents disowned me ) & ( cismale + he/him )

tw : abuse, homophobia

full name : fiore emiliano luca gattuso ( first name pronounced fee-oh-reh, also see here! )

nicknames : fifi, emmy ( by people who know his middle name ), some people might say... flower boy ( fiore literally means flower in italian ) 😳

gender : cismale

height : 5 ′ 8

age : 21

birthday : october 14 , 1998

zodiac : libra ( leo moon, aquarius ascendant )

right handed or left handed : left handed

eye color : baby blue

hair color : basically dark blonde / light brown

piercing & tattoos : the libra symbol on his left wrist, a cartilage piercing on his right ear

languages spoken : italian ( native tongue ), english, spanish, sicilian ( after many summers spent in his parents’ summer house in sicily )

sexuality : bisexual

place of birth : napoli, italia ( naples, italy in english )

last 3 songs listened to : dimmi che mi ami by dj matrix ( a full on fucking italian boy tbh ), talk is cheap by chet faker, west coast by lana del rey

character inspo : maxxie oliver from skins u.k , adam groff from sex education ( think season 2 adam ), alyssa foley from the end of the fucking world, david rose from schitt’s creek, michael kelso from that 70′s show, a mix of nick miller & winston bishop from new girl, maeby funke from arrested development

♡ so fiore was born to an american mother named lindsey harrison & a fully italian father named gian gattuso. his mother is a very well known politician & his father is heir of a very popular gas company, literally named gattuso gas ( yikes lol ). besides that, he is also a preacher. without saying much, his parents are very well off

♡ fiore grew up with anything he’s ever wanted ( materialistically, of course ). besides that, his parents genuinely weren’t the best of people. his mother stole millions from the so called campaigns she ran & was a generally very corrupt politician, his father treated his employees like shit & was a pretty hateful person altogether

♡ they were people who expected a lot out of their only son, which made fiore feel an insane amount of pressure from the very start. at a very young age, he showed characteristics lots of boys his age didn’t show. he did things like peeing while sitting down instead of standing up, preferred to play with dolls instead of ‘boy toys’, favored the color pink, got along better with girls, preferred to watch shows that were considered ‘girly’, etc etc.

♡ they were very harmless things honestly, things that most parents would laugh about & turn a blind eye. however, fiore really wasn’t that lucky when it came to his parents. any time he would do anything his parents claimed a ‘normal boy wouldn’t do’, he would get a huge lecture & a beating to go with it. needless to say, he learned to hide a lot of who he really was from a very young age

♡ he did a lot of things to seek the approval of his parents. he wasn’t smart academically ( dumb boi 101 tbh ), but he tried to make them happy in other ways. fiore was never fond of sports at all, but he started playing tennis at seven years old, because it made his parents happy. truth be told, he hated tennis with every fiber of his being, but again, he did this, simply because it satisfied his parents

♡ fiore grew up trying to be the perfect son, considering the fact his parents were very much in the public eye of everyone. it was all smiles for the pictures, but behind closed doors, he really wasn’t the happiest boy ever

♡ simply put, he has always known that he likes boys. he likes girls too, don’t get him wrong, but he knew, literally since he could remember, that he also had a thing for guys too. of course, he knew this wouldn’t settle well at all with his extremely strict & religious parents, so he buried his feelings incredibly deep

♡ he has a lot of charm & wit & found himself getting into relationships quicker than most of his friends. he briefly dated a girl when he was fourteen, but it was when he was sixteen that things really began getting, dare i say, spicy?

♡ there was an american boy new to his very #elite school & if you guessed it, they began to date! yup, his first boyfriend at sixteen years old. fiore was basically living two lives at this point. at school, he was himself, loud & proud, but when he got home, the facade began. the way he would switch up as soon as he entered the front door to his house was honestly shockingly scary

♡ he really felt himself falling in love with this boy even though they were both fairly young. they snuck around forever. when no one was home, he would sneak him into his room to have sex, sneak out of his house when his parents were asleep, all that fun stuff. their relationship was forbidden ( at least to fiore’s parents ). this is where it gets juicy af tho, hear me out

♡ so one day, fiore & him get really really drunk & honestly? video record themselves having sex! 😊 they didn’t do this to post it anywhere or show anyone or anything, they really just did it for themselves. they made a few copies & kept it for themselves ( stupid boys, i know! ), but they really felt like they would get married & all that gooey lovey dovey shit so they did it because yolo i guess? this is where it gets peak #juicy

♡ so fiore & him are walking back from practice. this is a time where fiore knows no one is home & no one is coming home for a while, so when they get to his house & see his father’s car parked outside, he lowkey panics a little. of course he makes the guy leave & goes inside to see what’s going on

♡ his father asks him to come upstairs & surprisingly, leads him into his room. he says something along the lines of ‘i just want to show you this so i can hear your explanation on what the fuck this is’ & this is when fiore’s entire life practically takes a 360. his father turns on his tv & legit starts playing his sex tape with his boyfriend. just picture this though; your extremely religious & hateful father & you sitting on your bed, watching your gay sex tape with your boyfriend

♡ obviously, this news isn’t well taken by his father. to make a long story short, he gets his ass beat. like, literally almost dies type shit. when this happened, he was seventeen, almost eighteen. he knew if that was ever discovered by his parents, it wouldn’t go well, but he really didn’t think them discovering his sexuality would be that brutal

♡ his parents basically disown him at that moment. they bought him a ticket to chicago & told him they never wanna see him again. it’s sad, but he packed his things & left in two days to go live with his cousin in chicago. citizenship wasn’t a problem because he had dual citizenship due to his mother being american

♡ it doesn’t really take an expert to figure out that fiore did not take this move well at all. for months, he was really depressed. he wouldn’t go out & would just lay in bed for the longest time. he was really hurt by everything that happened & it took him a while to recover. he has also lived in italy his whole life & wasn’t really used to life in america at all, but after like the fourth month of just feeling sorry for himself, it was his cousin who snapped him back to reality

♡ slowly but surely, he began putting himself out there. his english honestly #sucked when he first got to america, but it’s gotten a lot better since then ( he still has a pretty deep italian accent though ). at first, he began working at a pizza place, but fiore slowly began to realize how much he despised working. his entire life, he received everything on a silver plater with pure golden spoons, so this? he was for sure not used to it at all. again, his life completely did a 360. he went from living in a three story mansion in the most prestigious part of rome to living in a very shitty part of chicago, broke almost always, & working a job he hated with everything he had, splitting rent with his cousin

♡ fiore did not want this at all for himself. it wasn’t until he went out clubbing ( fake id & all ), that one his friends showed him the wonders of conning people. they walked into the bar with twenty bucks and left with four thousand dollars

♡ quickly, fiore began to learn his friends’ ways. his looks, personality & his thick italian accent helped him tremendously; it was like people literally couldn’t get enough of him. soon enough, he was conning & finessing the fuck out of older men & women for their money. he once walked into a casino with five dollars and walked out with over twelve thousand, & it was only because he stayed for like an hour only

♡ finessing people became a huge hobby of his. it was with all this money that he bought himself a luxury car & jump started his model & influencer career. it was also with this money that him & his cousin ditched chicago & moved into a much better apartment in new york. with his looks & persona, he gained followers like crazy & posted videos on youtube as well, getting sponsorships & recognition easier than he expected. he was literally living off his looks & his personality & honestly? he was here for it!

♡ there is still a part of fiore that has a lot of issues & trauma. honestly mommy & daddy issues af, but he doesn’t talk about this at all. no one really knows how he came up or where his family is & he keeps it this way, dodging questions about his personal life as much as he can

♡ in a way, he is kind of relieved with everything that happened with his parents because now, he’s completely free to be himself & do whatever the fuck he wants, knowing very well they can’t really touch him now. of course, it still left a mark that he’s never going to be able to erase or forget ( both in his heart & on his body too ), but he feels free for once in his life & he’s honestly kind of happier now

♡ relationship wise, he really doesn’t commit to anyone. after practically being forced to leave his now ex boyfriend at almost 18, he kind of feels like he doesn’t deserve love? it’s really fucked up but he’s genuinely convinced that no one is ever going to genuinely love him or want to be with him so he just avoids any romantic relationship of any kind, usually just hooking up with people & then leaving as soon as it’s over. the truth is that he really does want to be loved, accepted & cared for by someone he loves, accepts & cares for as well, but will it ever happen if he continues pushing people away? probably not tbh

♡ he is a fucking drinker & hella pot smoker!! legit give him some alcohol & weed he’s happy. he always has either one on him, or both tbh

♡ this is all that’s coming to mind rn but underneath is his bio!!

fiore was born to lindsey and gian gattuso in naples, italy. from a very young age, he showed characteristics most boys his age didn’t show. he would pee sitting down, every time he would visit his cousins, he would rather play dolls with them instead of ‘boy toys’, favored the color pink, watched things that were considered ‘girly’, etc. of course, this never settled well with his extremely religious parents, and every time he would do something even remotely different than a ‘regular’ boy would do, he would get a huge lecture, and a beating to go with it. that being said, fiore was quick to learn to hide a lot of who he really was. he absolutely despised tennis, but he played it anyways, and he did it, simply because it made his parents happy. the gattuso’s had a ton of money, so he played tennis in nearly all of europe. he has always known that he likes boys, maybe even a little bit more than he likes girls. literally since he’s had a sense of judgement, he’s just known. of course, he kept this a secret, practically living a double life, being himself at school and someone completely different at home. it didn’t take long for him to get a boyfriend, and soon, he found himself slowly falling in love. secretly sneaking him into the house when his parents weren’t home to have quickies, holding hands with him down the school hallways, and even lying to his parents and telling them he was going going to tennis practice just to hang out with him. however, one mistake costed him, well, everything.

they were drunk and goofing around, and decided to record themselves having sex. it was innocent and pure, both of them just making love to each other in the rawest, loveliest form. the two boys made copies of it, and fiore kept one for himself. one day, when he was trying to sneak his boyfriend into the house, he saw his dad’s car parked outside, which was odd because he was never home around that time. his boyfriend left, and he went to go investigate. his father was beyond calm, and bought him up to his room. his room. fiore was confused as his father told him to sit down on the bed, and soon, his worst nightmare became a reality. his father began playing his damn sex tape on his dvd player, and to say he was mortified was an understatement. he was humiliated, and most of all, afraid. it came without much warning, but soon, his father was throwing punches to his face, his stomach, everywhere, dragging him down the stairs just for it to continue. all he saw was blood. for the first time in forever, fiore truly felt like he had hit rock bottom. they took away his cellphone, any type of technology he had to communicate with was gone, and before he knew it, he was being shipped off to america, completely cut off by his parents.

fiore definitely didn’t take the move so well. he was a depressed mess. he wouldn’t eat, wouldn’t sleep, and over all, just felt out of place. it took him a pretty long time, but eventually, he began adjusting. of course he was still super hurt over everything that had happened, his parents cutting him off, him being away from his now ex boyfriend, his first true love, but time luckily healed most of his pain, and soon, he found himself bettering his english, making friends, and fitting right in. at least he didn’t have to play tennis here. living with his cousin wasn’t so bad either. they constantly smoked, drank like there was no tomorrow, and he even managed to land him a job at a pizza delivery place. fiore hated this job though, but after a night our with friends, he found himself learning the art of conning and finessing older men and women. he does this like there’s no tomorrow, the money he made from all these schemes helping him jumpstart his career as an influencer and model, which bought him back to his typical luxurious lifestyle. fiore is just trying to get by, one day at a time.

extra spice:

#wealthyhq:intro #i rlly am a clown tbh LMFAOO

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windwardstar · 5 years ago

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Tag Game: out of context tag

Tagged by: @kespada

I’m supposed to do out of context lines but I’m just gonna do out of context facts because I couldn’t think of any lines themselves that worked.

Out of context star verse facts:

Gambling with possessed dice isn’t cheating.

If you want to start a war, just suggest playing poker.

Northern: Peace is Inanimate. Southern: EXCUSE YOU PEACE IS ANIMATE.

Idk if you can paint with all the colors of the wind, but can you sing with all the voices of the mountains? because the mountains are singing. so is the rest of the planet. You just can’t hear it, unless it changes, then you can.

Weather Forecast: Windy

The Eyes of the Wolves do not Blink

Sky Whale Fall

The bit where the universe went “oh fuck we gotta make this frog a person now.”

The ocean poked someone’s eye out and felt bad.

There’s an island full of zombies and people are just chilling bc life goes on

YOLO except when you don’t

There’s dinosaurs in the water now

Salt + Plant = New Name for Imperial Sea Flora

Califfffuck

Poop probably glows sometimes.

#star verse shit post #tag games #someone tagged me

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lucahqs-blog · 5 years ago

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❛ ✶ — did you see LUCA MARTÍNEZ walking around campus earlier ? i hear a lot of people talking about the TWENTY-ONE year old JUNIOR . from what i know , they are studying HUMAN PHYSIOLOGY while minoring in ILLUSTRATION and are a part of PHI KAPPA DELTA . they come across as + DIPLOMATIC but also - NON-CONFRONTATIONAL , which makes since because on their instagram ( LMHQS ) it says they are a LIBRA . when i see them , i think of LONG 2AM ROOFTOP CHATS, 100% GREEK & DEAD POETS SOCIETY CHAOTIC ENERGY, MESSY ROOM COVERED IN ART & PROJECTS, DOG-EARED TEXTBOOKS, CIGARETTE SMOKE. the most interesting thing i’ve heard about them though , is the fact that [ REDACTED ] , but don’t tell anyone i told you that .

hello, loves !! this bean goes by rue ( she / her pronouns ), and i’ll be playing this Mess™, luca ( with fc by froy gutierrez ). below you can find his bio, enjoy ! + disclaimer: there are mentions of mental health and cancer, so please read at your own discretion.

biography

When someone hears the name Martínez, they automatically think of words like prestigious, wealthy, and perfect. And who wouldn’t? With the father being a State’s Attorney and mother owning her own real estate business, you had to think like that. In the public eye the Martínez family was flawless. Diana was the always supporting wife who thrived in raising money for fundraisers and showing off her cooking skills and David was being a husband who brought home piles of money and was devoted to his family. Everyone wanted what they had. Luca Martínez was born into a world where perfection was of the utmost importance. The Martínez family are one of those prestigious families that has always been full of wealthy and high-class snobs, and Luca’s parents were no exception. He grew up learning how to be charming and handsome, and aware of his superiority over those of inferior to him. Luca’s childhood years consisted of him sitting restless at various fancy parties and dinners, while his father kept him from all the treats so that he would grow up to be fit and strong. Luca’s father was always cold and emotionally isolated from him; only after a perfect son to show off to the world.

He has brother, who is three years younger than him, named Nathaniel. His relationship with his brother, however, is a bit estranged just like with their father. As much as he loves his brother and wishes they could see eye-to-eye, sometimes they tend to butt heads often. Whether that might mean your typical sibling arguments or full-on blown out fights, they just cannot seem to see get along.

As a young, restless little child, Luca sought escape from his shallow, chilly life in the form of a friend. His friend taught him that there was such thing as warmth and friendliness, told him lots of stories of Greek mythology, and he learned that his father had been lying about “tactless individuals” being horrible people. However, when his father found out about his associations with his friend, within a week, the boy mysteriously disappeared. Since then, Luca kept all his unapproved-of friends to himself. Unfortunately, as time went on, Luca grew up to become a lot colder and more isolated like his father—leaving the feeling of pure joy of meeting that friend he met long ago, had vanished. With his family situation being completely dysfunctional and rottenly horrible, he never experienced what being happy was all about.

Sometimes calling someone selfish is a gross exaggeration, but in Luca’s case its right on-point. Eventually in his early teens he became distracted, always preoccupied with his own affairs and matters of interest. Whether it was schoolwork, his multiple and usually explosive relationships, or his many existential crises, Luca was one for waving people away and turning the conversation back on himself. This was not necessary out of narcissism or some hidden agenda: Luca genuinely does not know who he is. Perpetually fidgeting and restless, it is not uncommon to see him rapidly flicking a cigarette lighter, or playing with his hair, or bouncing on the balls of his feet. In high school he was brilliant: it was that simple. He was the golden boy. Prone to spilling into intellectual spiels - and labelled a know-it-all - he internalized everything, memorizing tiny details, eyes skipping here and there. His intelligence is among his most useful traits and is by far the thing he values most about himself. Much of his ego is built around the confidence that he is effortlessly smarter than almost anybody he encounters. Knowledge is power, and he weaponizes his superior intellect, using his brains more than brawn to protect himself and intimidate the people he does not care for.

Although his parents were the bane of his experience 100% of the time, his mother was not all that insufferable when she had her moments away from his father and not trying to be this pristine ‘perfect’ woman beside her husband. In fact, throughout his childhood she often encouraged Luca’s belief in extraordinary things and hoped he had carried it throughout his life growing up. His mother had always made him promise to have courage and be kind to others, for—as she explained to him—kindness has power, and that she would see him through all the trials that life could offer, in life and death.

Cancer/mental illness TW—when he was thirteen, his mother had been diagnosed with cervical cancer. Upon hearing the news, Luca’s whole world clasped. Not only was he at a pivotal stage in his life where everything was changing and becoming more stressful ( becoming a teenager, starting high school, going through puberty ), the only important person who had actually showed him any kind of love in his life had be claimed by the deadly disease altogether. So many thoughts and feelings were going through his mind at the time, that he ran himself physically sick and had experienced his first panic attack. He has since been medically diagnosed with panic disorder. Thankfully, the cells on his mother’s cervix were diagnosed at precancerous stage and the doctors were able to treat it because it developed and spread. However, that didn’t and doesn’t stop Luca from being in a constantly state of panic every time his mother so much as feels pain or coughs due to irrelevant reasons. The entire year had changed him and his family for a while.

He is now attending Beaumont University currently in his Junior year studying Human Physiology and minoring in Illustration. The university is his parents’ alma mater and he joined his father’s former fraternity after he was convinced it would be a ‘father-son bonding experience’ to have shared the same Greek house. Not to mention, his family has pretty decent ties at Beaumont, making Luca pretty well known become his parents. Sure, his family is wealthy, well known in the socialite community, and has basically grown up with this sort of life from an exceedingly small age, but to say he actually cares about all that crap is an overstatement. He is nothing like some of the spoiled and entitled students at his school and rather vibe with himself than gossip about the latest trend.

Despite issues with his own family, Luca has a lot of personal of his own he deals with. He is capable of enduing tremendous hardship. Though he may not handle difficulty in the healthiest or best way, often repressing emotion, he mostly like emerges on the other side. He does not know how to express his emotions in a put together way, but rather fumbles it all up and starts to ramble. Rarely opens up because of this. He usually distracts himself from his insufferable emotions with hobbies such as playing the piano, painting, and reading some of his favorite classics. After he moved out the house at eighteen to pursue college and became more independent, he started to come into his own style with his wardrobe. To put it simple, he is like a hippie dippy child of the universe.

No joke. No seriously, his place at home and his dorm is full of sensual shit and art. It is getting out of hand and somebody needs stop him soon. Catch him rocking the Greek philosopher and Dead Poets Society aesthetic around campus. He strongly believes that art is an umbrella term that relates to expressing of oneself—not just through photography and painting—and that everyone has the freedom to express themselves however they please. Because of his beliefs, he chooses to break gender roles like bread and wears whatever the fuck he wants because yolo. His appearance pretty much represents his hippie dippy lifestyle with him wearing all sorts of hipster shit. His clothes can be very flowy like, but don’t let that fool you. He doesn’t miss the opportunity to represent his upper class within his style, so he does dress to impress, let me tell you. His hair color changes sometimes too depending on his mood but it’s generally never too eccentric.

#bu.intro

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fratboyvivimatthews · 6 years ago

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through a lens - jack hughes

summary: lol i don’t even know man. vlogs that’s all

warnings: vlogging, swearing, babies

word count: [2,595]

Your head rested back on Jack’s chest as you laid in between his legs. Holding your phone above your head so both you and Jack could watch the LaBrant Fam vlog. “I want a kid so we can do fun stuff like this,” you said tilting your head back to see Jack’s reaction. The smile that was on his face only grew after hearing your comment. “Don’t worry, I know we’re too young to have a kid,” you huffed quoting him from a couple of night ago.

“Don’t make me the bad guy in this, I want a kid with you as much as you do, but we’re eighteen Y/n/n. Just gotta wait until you’re out of college, and I’m established in the NHL, then we can start our family.” Your heart was practically beating out of your chest as you listened to his words, and you could assume your cheeks matched the color of the sweatshirt you were wearing. “Looks like I felt you speechless, huh?”

A laugh fell from your lips as you tried to nodded your head yes. Your eyes then looked back up to the YouTube video that was playing, watching as Cole and Everleigh went down the waterslide together. Then it hit you, and if you had to say so, this was probably the best idea you’ve ever had. “Hey Jack, we should make a vlog.”

This time it was Jack who was laughing, “Babe you wanna start a vlog? Why - I mean what would we even do? People probably wouldn’t even watch it.” Frowning you sat up from laying on top of him, so you could face him. “Y/n/n come on, what would we even do? It’s not like people want to see what our lives are like.”

“You know that’s not true J, of course people wanna see what your life is like. Plus it would be so fun, we can do all sorts of stuff,” you explained shifting so you were now straddling his waist. Jack’s arms crossed over his chest, “Okay how about this, we just make one - try it out, and if you don’t like it we won’t make one. But if you like it, we make a channel and vlogs, deal?”

Jack sighed before nodding his head, “Okay deal.”

“Great, now let’s go make a vlog.”

“Jack you’re supposed to turn here,” you instructed as your boyfriend missed the turn.

“Well why didn’t you tell me that sooner. Now where am I going to turn?” He asked quick glancing over at you, as you looked at the directions to Best Buy.

“Take a right at the next stop light,” you said before looking down at your phone camera. “Hey guys, so we’re new at this, and Jack doesn’t want even do thi-”

“I just don’t see how people will enjoy us doing random stuff,” he cut in shrugging his shoulders, “it’s not like we’re that interesting of people.” He looked over at you, then to the phone which you were now holding up so he’d be in the frame.

“We’re not the interesting of people,” you moaked. “Says the going to be first overall pick of the NHL draft.” Jack’s eyes rolled as he turned on to the next road, “Anyways, we’re on our way to Best Buy to get a camera to vlog with since phones aren’t ideal. Oh, keep going straight and it should be on the left.”

Jack nodded his head before putting his blinker on to merge into the turn lane, “Why are we going to buy a camera when we don’t even know if we’re going to make another one of these?” Your face stilled hoping he didn’t catch on to your plan. “Y/n, we made a deal!” He whined looking over at you again while waiting for the cars to pass by. “You can’t just back out of our deal babe.”

Your shoulders shrugged as you smiled over at the brunette, “Don’t worry about it J.” His eyes rolled as he pulled into the parking lot, “Come on you’re gonna have fun babe, I know I’m having fun.” You looked back to the camera winking, knowing you were slowly winning him over. “Plus now people can see all the stupid stuff we do when we’re with each other.”

He stayed quiet as he pulled into a parking spot, thinking over if this whole vlog thing would work. Sighing he looked over at you with a smile, “Give me your phone, we have a vlog to film.”

You squealed before leaning over the middle consul to throw your arms around him. “I knew you’d cave Jackie! You’re gonna love it, I promise. Shoot we didn’t even introduce ourselves.”

“Hi guys I’m Y/n, and that beaut in the seat next to me is Jack, and today we’re just trying this whole thing out. Jack why don’t you tell them where we are,” you boyfriend chimed with a cheeky smile.

Your e/c eyes rolled before opening the Jeep door to get out. “Well Jack, we’re at Best Buy to buy a camera to film with, but I already said that earlier so why don’t we get a move on.”

“You were supposed to go with my joke Y/n/n, it was funny,” he whined walking around to your side of the Jeep, “I’m the funny one on this channel.” You hummed choosing to ignore his statement knowing it wasn’t true. If people were going to laugh it would be because of you.

You grabbed the phone from Jack’s hand to the camera was now focused on you, “And let the Best Buy montage being.” Throwing up a thumbs you ended the video knowing you’d have to go through and edit it later. “Okay so I have no idea what kind of camera we’re looking for, so who knows how long we’re gonna be here for.”

“Well that’s a problem, but I have an idea. Get a video for the vlog of this,” Jack instructed as he took off running towards the building. Doing as told you watched as he jumped up to finish the run with that heel click jump. “Did you get it?” He questioned as you shoved the camera in his out of breath face.

“Of course I got it, but are you okay? For someone who’s supposed to be a fit hockey player that little sprint killed you J,” you teased running your hand through his hair as he leaned over trying to regain his breathing.

Standing up he nodded his head. “I’m good, and for your information I am in shape it’s just the air is dry so it’s hard to run in,” he lied walking through the doors and into the store.

“Yep I’m sure that’s what it is,” you replied eyebrows raising as you walked past him and towards the direction of cameras.

“I hate you,” he mumbled knocking his shoulder against yours. “I actually don’t hate her,” he tried whispering only to the phone, “I love her very much. But she’s mean sometimes.”

“I am not!” you exclaimed slapping his shoulder, causing Jack to stare right at your phone while nodding towards you. “It’s not my fault you’re a baby about stuff - oh my god a baby!”

Your attention was pulled away from your phone and boyfriend, to the small human sitting in a cart being pushed by her mother. “Look how cute she is!” you gushed turning the phone so the camera was on the baby instead of you and Jack. “Jack I want a baby,” you added turning the camera so it was back on the two of you, in order to get his reaction.

He shook his head causing his curls to fall on to his forehead, “Babe we’ve talked about this. Not until after college.” A frown painted your face, “Don’t be like that Y/n/n, it’s only four years away.”

“Four too many,” you huffed walking away from him. Jack came running up to you seconds later making sure he didn’t lose you in the store, “Okay but on a serious note, we need to find a camera. So Best Buy camera montage officially starting, now.”

The next thirty minutes were spent wandering around the isles looking for a camera that made the most sense for you guys to get, and one that wasn’t too expensive.Not only that, but stupid things of you guys filming while messing around. “Okay what about this one?” You asked holding up a camera and getting Jack’s attention.

He stared down at the information before nodding, “I think we just found our camera. Now we just need a stand thingy.” A laugh escaped your mouth causing Jack’s eyes to widen, “What? It’s what I said isn’t it?”

Nodding your head you smiled, “It almost always is babe. Now let’s go find one of those stand thingys.” Jack’s eyes rolled, but it didn’t stop him from wrapping his arms around your waist and pressing a long kiss to your cheek.

“You know you’re lucky that I love you, I always let you make fun of me,” Jack complained tightening his arms around your waist. “Any time I do something I swear you started to make fun of me.”

You scoffed, “And you don’t make fun of me?” You felt as he shrugged his shoulders, “Okay so we both make fun of each other, can we just agree on that? “ He muttered a yeah satisfying you, “Good because we still need to find the stand, and then I want food. I’m hungry.”

“You’re always hungry,” Jack remarked with a cheeky smile, “but I guess we can get food after, I’m kinda hungry too.” He pulled away from you, reaching over to grab the stand, “And look we found it, so let’s go check out, and get some food.”

You smiled over at him, “Can we go to Chick Fli A?”

His hand reached over to pinch your cheek, “I can’t say no to that face now can I?” You shook your head no, as Jack started to cringe. “If Trevor watches these we’re gonna get so much sh- crap.”

“Nice save.”

“Thank you, I tried really hard,” Jack beamed a smile growing on his face showing he was proud of his accomplishment. “Now let’s go check out, god the cashier is going to think we’re crazy for filming,” he added while looking back to the phone. You shrugged your shoulders smiling back at him, “Yolo right?”

Laughter bubbled up from your chest causing your to stop in your tracks, and almost drop the box the camera was in. “J- J are you trying to kill me?” You wheezed holding your abdomen, “God it hurts so bad, please never ever say that again,” you begged trying hard to stand up straight, but that didn’t look like it was going to happen anytime soon.

“It wasn’t even funny, I don’t get why you’re laughing so hard over this,” he groaned grabbing the phone so the camera could see what you looked like. “We used to say ‘yolo’ all the time when it was a thing, if I remember correctly you had a shirt that said it.”

Your cheeks burned red as you quickly stood up straight and started walking towards the checkouts again. “You didn’t have to bring that up Jack,” you mumbled embarrassment taking over your body. “That was in like fifth grade,” you added not daring to turn around and face his shit eating grin.

“So? The people need to know,” Jack stated as if it was plain as day, “I just give them what they want.” You turned to look over your shoulder to see he wore a cocky smirk while he sauntered over to you.

Rolling your eyes you stole your phone back from him while standing in line, “He think he’s some hot shot now. Boy is he in a for a rude awakening.” After getting a weird look from the cashier your stuff was all paid for, and your boyfriend was asked for a picture.

So being the good girlfriend that you are you snapped the picture before handing the teenager her phone back. As soon as he was back at your side Jack slid his hand into yours, “So how about that food?”

Sighing you rubbed your hands up and down your face, “I didn’t realize it would be this hard to edit a video.” Jack looked up from his phone and over to you with a neutral expression. “Thank you Jack, you’re such a help. I love you so much,” you added sarcasm dripping from every word.

“You know I aim to please,” he countered with a smirk, “oh and I love you too.” Frustrated you turned back around in the chair clicking on random clips trying to arrange them for the video.

“Welcome to B-b-b-b-b-est Buy!” Jack cheered with a lopsided grin causing your eyes to roll, but you still couldn’t help but laugh at your dorky boyfriend.

You felt Jack’s hand on your shoulder as he peered over you to his MacBook to see what you were doing. “If that doesn’t make the video I quit. That’s comedic gold.” Your fingers moved to drag the clip the one right after you teasing Jack about being out of shape.

Jack’s hand trailed down your arm and hit the play button, letting the ten minute long video play off of his laptop. “Oh, we need to make an intro, but that can be for the next video,” you informed looking back up at him. He nodded his head with a smile too wrapped up in the video to care about a thing you were saying.

“Okay but on a serious note, we need to find a camera. So Best Buy camera montage officially starting, now,” you said before the video cut to you and Jack picking up different cameras on display.

Jack held one up to his eye, “Let me take your picture.” Your laughter mixed together, and strangers could be seen in the background giving the both of you concerned looks. The two of your shared a look before laughing more.

Jack fast forward the video to the end causing you to smile.

“You know I gotta admit I actually like this,” Jack confessed causing you to spit out your pop all over the Hughes’ dining room table. “I hope you know you’re the one that’s gonna clean that up,” he added with a cheek smile.

Rolling your eyes you nodded. “So you actually like vlogging?”

“Yeah I’m happy you decided we should do it Y/n/n. Gives us something to do you know?”

“Good, I told you J, I told you that you’d have fun,” you teased before leaning across the table to peck his lips.

The video then jumped to you and Jack sitting on his bed, “So that’s our first vlog! We’re happy to say that there are definitely going to be more in the future, and that we both really enjoyed doing this.”

“Yeah it was different, the looks we got from people were funny, but overall I had a really good time. And this way you all get to see what a handful Y/n actually is,” Jack added with a cheeky smile as he glanced over at you.

Your eyes rolled before you faced the camera again, “Anyways I’m Jack.”

“And I’m Y/n.”

“And we’ll see you next time.” The both of you both started laughing as the video faded out.

#jack hughes imagine #jack hughes x reader #j.hughes #vlogging #usa ntdp #fratboyvivimatthews masterlist #jack #hughes

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missguomeiyun · 5 years ago

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Homecookings [March ed.]

How was everyone’s March 2020??!

Here’s mine: Started off the month with staycation, which I didn’t get a lot done (nowhere close to what I had planned) but at the same time, I got quite a lot done. I’m referring to a newly self-taught skill, which is ink painting. I busted out my ink block FINALLY. Those ones where you gotta swirl & melt it in a water reservoir. It’s super old-school & it’s how oriental ink painting is supposed to be done (the liquid ink bottles are modern-style). The ink block has been around for so long; & for the longest time, I didn’t want to start using it bcos I didn’t wanna ruin it lol I wanted to “save” it. But you know what? LET’S GET IT!!!! Every day, I worked on a painting, & I actually ended up with 10 in total. It wasn’t as hard as I thought; I tried different styles, & after 10, I think I have a good grasp of the technique!

^ Just sharing one :)

I rarely talk about current events on this blog bcos it’s a place for me to document my food adventures as well as travel-related (but mostly food-related) topics, with the rare appearance of Kpop/Kdrama talk. But things have been CRAZY in Alberta! With the COVID-19 ‘formally’ entering the province early March, & ppl hoarding things, to school closures & online classes.. . now semi-lockdown, where only essential service is open, etc.. . The province has, is, & will be going through a lot of changes, as a whole.

To say the ‘official entry’ hasn’t impacted me/my life at all is a lie, however, the impact has been very minimal. Since starting mid-March, there has been daily updates regarding the cases by our Chief Medical Officer of Health, Dr. Hinshaw. *My personal view only* Everyone’s situation is different, & I fortunately, am able to keep my lifestyle pretty much the same at this point. I’m a pretty big home-body to begin with, & as much as I love seeing my friends, I don’t see them that often anyway due to shift work *shrugs* so in terms of the practice of social distancing to my social life, in all honesty, not much impact.

Well, what about my work?! Am I sent home to work???! No. Don’t wanna go into too much detail here, but I will share a little. As a medical laboratory technologist, PPE at work + hand-washing practice is “normal”, as in, there’s nothing to change about it. I may wash my hands more, but ppl that hang out with me know I sanitize/wash hands often anyway so. .. I’m still going to work as a regular full time, doing the things I do; we are an essential service & we gotta be open no matter what! The company has adopted some recommended guidelines put forth by Public Health, such as, “sick leaves” (+ follow up) have now expanded in definition, & staff gets mandatory temperature check at the entrance before we enter the facility. The biggest change at work has been the change in work volume - we are so used to busy, busy, busyyy & now it’s like “let me pick up the next phone call pls!”

Anyway, didn’t mean to start off with such a loooooong update ... Let’s start the real deal: homecookings this month!

Hmmm .. . what do you think I did with this?

^ KitKat-covered wafer rolls. I find milk chocolate reallllyyyy sweet so I melted some tiramisu KitKat with some brewed coffee (1. to de-sweeten, & 2. to make the mixture more runny). I crushed majority of the KitKat but I aimed to keep some wafers as large-ish pieces to fulfill texture-building. Then I poured the mixture on top, let cool, then cut into individual pieces.

^ I then up’ed my game, & nearly tripled the amount of coffee that I used the 1st time. The resulting melted KitKat + coffee mixture was very bitter - just the way I liked it. I didn’t use as much wafer rolls this time bcos I couldn’t; that’s all I had left in the house. But I had some chocolate mix left; thus I just scooped some over Oreo thins.

PS: Oreo thins wins!

PPS: For both experiments, I used half of the large KitKat bar! mmm.. coffee amount was pretty much YOLO-’d.

^ Kimchi + chicken mini tacos. Stir-fried up some chicken breast & cut up kimchi, & scooped on top of soft corn flour + wheat tortilla tacos. Added some mozza shreds & green onion after.

^ Another fusion soft taco, consisting of Costco fries & basa fish fillet that’s been cooked in pasta sauce. Decided to add some bacon ranch dressing as well. This was surprisingly a success! I’m not a huuuuge fan of fish, in general. I’ve never tried basa with tomato + herb pasta sauce. I was gonna eat the basa on its own like that, but then I thought, let’s fish taco-it! Got a nice crunch & softness of the basa in 1 bite :D

^ Beef + cabbage with flat rice vermicelli noodles. This is like my home-made bun bo hue but with a looooooot of cabbage bcos I love cabbage! I used the canned pho soup (diluted it with water), some fish sauce, & fire chicken sauce! Doesn’t look like much, but it was spicy!

^ baked salmon - used coarse sea salt, fresh ground black pepper, furikake, & white truffle olive oil. YUM!

^ another baked salmon. I know this probably sounds stupid, but I’m 100% transparent about it haha I have a foil sheet on my toaster oven tray, & I’m not a fan of changing it out every single time, so I’ve come to a consensus with myself that I’ll bake, but use some other dish as a vessel, instead of “baking” on a tray or pan. The last salmon, I used a white dish - it was SO hard to wash afterwards. So this time, I used one of these stainless steel dishes my mom has (& uses for steaming). It was less of a mess!

Anyway, what flavour is the salmon here? Salt, fresh ground pepper, garlic, & honey!

^ cheese tortellini with pan-seared chicken breast. I made the sauce using: milk, butter, salt, dried parsley, & 2 slices of Kraft mozza singles. Topped with more dried parsley & fresh ground black pepper. (Don’t worry! I had steamed broccoli on the side for my “greens” portion.)

^ Vegetarian bibimbap. The fried tofu was store-bought, but I cooked it in Korean soy sauce + sugar, so kind of like braised tofu. Mixed salad greens at the bottom, then rice, then the tofu; lastly, some sesame seeds + bibimbap paste.

^ Ramyeon with mixed greens + chicken breast. Gotta keep it healthy! haha you might find that this is weird - to put salad greens in soup. But let me tell you, use a small amount & try this the next time you buy these veggies. Like just try! If it fails & you don’t like it, you won’t waste too much of it. When you pour soup over it, the greens start to “cook” & decrease in size significantly. With these salad greens, this ‘sorta cooked but not cooked’ texture is another way I personally enjoy them.

A glass of milk.. . the base for dalgona “hot chocolate”. Do you think it worked or not?

I used 2 tbsp hot chocolate powder with 1.5 tbsp sugar & also 1.5 tbsp of warm water. I manually whisked for a loooooong time, but it didn’t really froth. It became more dense if anything. But anyhow, I ended up with a somewhat heavy product, but was able to *feel* there was some air in it. I went for it.. . scooped it on top of the milk.. . And.....

This happened! It did not build up on top, but settled nicely at the bottom lol. You try with hot chocolate powder & let me know if it worked for you or not! :P

^ Post-night shift brunch =] I try to eat somewhat cleaner when I’m on nights by doing less meat compared to my usual diet. I don’t know what it is. .. I just crave more vegetables + non-meats. So I made braised tofu (just soy sauce & sugar) & cabbage soup (seasoned with gochujang & salt, so it’s a little spicy). It looks really red but it’s actually very mild.

All in all, pls stay home if you can during this time. If the sacrifice isn’t done now, the result will be much more devastating later down the road.

Talk to you later~

#homemade #homecooking #cooking #food #healthy #eat healthy #stay safe

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marinahqs · 5 years ago

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❀ *ﾟ hey, isn’t that marina porter? i think that the twenty-one year old from virginia beach, virginia works as a full-time college student and part-time paid intern at shark reef aquarium at mandalay bay, but outside of that they spend a lot of time at university of nevada, las vegas. i hear they are unconventional + reckless, but they are also known to be free spirited + compassionate. consider giving them a visit at their home in buffalo mountain road apartments and get to know why they’re called the halcyon. her birthday is on october 31st.

whaddup, angels ?? this tiny bean goes by the name rue ( she/her pronouns ) and i’ll be playing Wild Child Flower Girl™, marina porter. if you would like to hmu for plots / scream at me about connections all day long, please give this a BIG ‘OLE like and i’ll come wiggling into your dms shortly after. under the cut, you’ll find a brief summary about marina’s life. also all my connections are listed over here if you want to check them out as well !! can’t wait to start interacting with your babies !!

+ disclaimer: below are a couple triggers such as cancer and mental illness. please read at your own discretion, thank you.

○ ┋ so this is my baby girl, marina porter aka lil red and i love her sm ?? she usually goes by marina, but on occasion people call him either mar, mari or rina. but she doesn’t care what people call her as long as it’s kind.

○ ┋ marina was born in washington state to both loving and supportive parents named jeremiah and gabriela. she lived there until she was six years old when her family moved to virginia because her parents, who are both marine biologists, were located for work.

○┋ her parents had her when they were both young and she was also born out of wedlock.

○┋ her love of the ocean had come from her parents taking her and her little brother out with them to work and letting them explore oceanic life up close. she loves anything to do with the sea and ocean which is why her favorite hobby is to run along the coast in the mornings. she even has an ocean wave tattoo on her side upper rib cage.

○┋ her name literally means “of the sea”, how cool is that? you can’t tell her that her love of the ocean and that her name meaning ‘of the sea’ that she wasn’t a mermaid in her last life.

○ ┋ growing up, she had and still does, have a great relationship with her parents. with her childhood consisting nothing more than love and devotion from her parents, marina had nothing to complain about. her parents loved her dearly, whose pure heart and open-mindedness they helped to cultivate. they encouraged marina belief in extraordinary things and hoped she had carried it throughout her life growing up. his parents had always made her promise to have courage and be kind to others, for—as they explained to her—kindness has power, and that they would see her through all the trials that life could offer, in life and death.

○ ┋ cancer/mental illness tw: when she was thirteen, her mother had been diagnosed with cervical cancer. upon hearing the news, marina’s whole world clasped. not only was she at a pivotal stage in her life where everything was changing and becoming more stressful ( becoming a teenager, starting high school, going through puberty ), one of the most important people in her life had be claimed by the deadly disease altogether. so many thoughts and feelings were going through her mind at the time, that she ran himself physically sick and had experienced her first panic attack. she has since been medically diagnosed with panic disorder. thankfully the cells on her mother’s cervix were diagnosed at a precancerous stage and the doctors were able to treat it before it developed and spread. however, that didn’t and doesn’t stop marina from being in a constantly state of panic every time her mother so much as feels pain or coughs due to irrelevant reasons. the entire year had changed her and her family for a while.

○ ┋ she has brother, who is three years younger than her, named tomás. her relationship with her brother, however, is a bit estranged. as much as she loves her brother and wishes they could see eye-to-eye, sometimes they have a tendency to butt heads often. whether that might mean your typical sibling arguments or full-on blown out fights, they just can’t seem to see get along.

○ ┋ most people would describe marina as the benevolent and the halcyon. despite being in a world where there’s hatred and suffering, marina declares herself independent and strong-willed by remaining kind-hearted and self-loving, not allowing the bitterness surrounding her life to overtake her and morph her into someone as cruel as the world seems to be every day. she makes the most of her life by remaining optimistic of the possibilities of a brighter future. but besides that, she’s also witty, free-spirited, and sarcastic. she is unafraid to stand up for herself when he feels she’s in the right–or at least, attempt to do so.

○ ┋ just like her hair, she’s a fiery risk-taker and loves a spontaneous adventure. and although she strives to contain her optimism aura, she can fall into fits of frustration and annoyance quite often.

○ ┋ marina is capable of enduing tremendous hardship. though she may not handle difficulty in the healthiest or best way, often repressing emotion, she most likely emerges on the other side. she doesn’t know how to express her emotions in a diplomatic way, but rather fumbles it all up and starts to ramble. rarely opens up because of this.

○ ┋ to put it plan and simple marina is an art ho. marina always loved anything artistic. even when she was little, she would go around with her disposable camera and take pictures of everything and then take to paper to draw of all the things she had taken pictures of as well.

○ ┋ she’s like a hippie dippy child of the universe. no joke. no seriously, her place at home is full of sensual shit and art. it’s getting out of hand and somebody needs stop her soon. she’s like a mock up of topanga from boy meets world.

○ ┋ when she graduated high school 18 years old, she immediately went off to college to pursue a degree in animal biology and from there she moved to primm, nevada to go to college at university of nevada, las vegas. she’s in her junior year while also interning (paid) at the shark reef aquarium at mandalay bay.

○ ┋ she strongly believes that art is an umbrella term that relates to expressing of oneself ( not just through photography and painting ) and that everyone has the freedom to express themselves however they please. because of her beliefs, she chooses to break gender roles like bread and wears whatever the fuck she wants because yolo.

○ ┋ her appearance pretty much represents her hippie dippy lifestyle with her wearing all sorts of cute hipster shit. her clothes are v flow-y but don’t let that fool you. she doesn’t miss the opportunity to represent her upper-middle class within her style, so she does dress to impress, let me tell you ( she’s a fashion ho too ). her hair color changes sometimes too depending on his mood but it’s generally never too eccentric because she’ll always be lil red.

#primmintro #mental illness //#cancer //

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