#i just want to stop working for like 2 weeks and nor have to burn through every ounce of PTO I have

[celenewashere]

I have so little patience today

I've flat out just told my coworker "You have to act like the camp counselor to a hoard of rude goth cats."

I know the only reason I have any good relationship to them is because I know how to word stuff so it isn't passive aggressive OR angry sounding.

[mazikeenhyde]

Oh Baby, Pain is Pleasure - PART 2

POLY JUDGMENT DAY X READER (WRESTLER) 

Y/W/N – Your Wrestling Name 

Y/W/N/F – Your Wrestling Name Finisher

WARNING – SMUT,  POLY RELATIONSHIPS, BDSM, SPANKING, VIOLENT REFRENCES, BLOOD, INJURY, ABUSE (CONSENTUAL) 

I’m going to apologise to you all now, and pre-warn you in advance, this is an absolute rollercoaster of a storyline! Shits about to get REAL REAL REAL messy! 

Oh Baby…Pain is Pleasure - Part Two

2 WEEKS BEFORE WRESTLEMANIA – 

The speakers inside our home gym were so loud it felt like the walls were shaking, Rhea & Finn had spent a long time creating the perfect set up! It was truly a masterpiece of absolute Hell. From weight racks, dumbbells, treadmills, resistance machines and more, this room had caused some serious pain & suffering to us all. But we loved it. In the middle stood a large wrestling ring in which I had spent a lot of time with everyone practicing over and over and over again. 

We were two weeks out from WrestleMania, I was nervous, but I had worked so hard to earn my chance at the Women’s World Championship title and neither I nor any of Judgment Day were going to let this opportunity pass me by! Finn had said I would be training with him today with the boxing pads in the ring, so I knew I was in for it, I’d made sure to wrap my wrists up tight. 

Damian and Rhea had gone out grocery shopping while Finn and I hit our workout hard, we had planned on enjoying a big family BBQ cook out for our last night at our home before we all hit the road. Dom, who had been asked by Damian to clean up the kitchen had completely ignored the request and was upstairs instead gaming. That boy was a glutton for punishment I swear, I’m convinced he secretly likes being put over Damian’s knee. He’s there more often than not after all! Though I came in at a close second with Finn. Although we both knew if we ever overstepped the mark too far it would be Rhea that we would have to answer to. Mami doesn’t like to be tested. 

“AGAIN! 1-2. AGAIN 1-2.” Finn shouted as the music continued to blast through the room, he held up the pads with a swift punch followed on from me at each demand. 

“AGAIN! 1-2-3. HARDER, STOP PUSSY FOOTING AROUND Y/N! AGAIN 1-2” Finn shouted again, the sweat dripped down his forehead as he maneuvered his way around the ring shirtless, his footwork light as ever and his manhood bouncing in time to the beat of the stereo. He’d worn those black shorts on purpose, I just knew it. 

 “Y/N! FOCUS! 1-2… 1-2-3… 1-2….AGAIN!” 

I swear...my sweat was sweating at this point, we had been going for what felt like hours. I could barely feel my legs, it was like walking on jelly. My heart pounded, my shoulders were shaking, and my arms felt so weak, yet somehow, I was still going. The determination powering me on. 

But that… that bounce. That shape in his shorts. So full and prominent… it was so fucking distracting.  It wasn’t just my face that was wet at this point, in between my legs that devilish pulse grew every stronger. My inner thighs were like a slip and slide on a hot summers day as I tried my best to continue training, the room felt like it was 101 degrees and… 

SMACK.

Finn went down, shit. Id missed the pad completely and instead of hitting the second-round I had completely taken out our Prince, Our lord and savior, the man I so desperately wanted to spread me out across this mat and destroy me.

 I was in for it. I was fucked. 

Raising my hand to cover my mouth for a second, I panicked before moving forward to assist Finn, but he had other ideas. Instead, leaning back onto his shoulders he leapt up to his feet and rushed over pushing me into the ropes, towering over my head and leaning down so I could feel his sweat drip onto my chest as he spat through gritted teeth. 

“THE FUCK…. do you think your playing at lass…. Hmm.” Finn’s eyes looked down on me, what felt like burning a hole into my soul was also still majorly turning me on. 

“I..I..urr…I” I stuttered, unable to fully ground myself in the situation. Between the music still blaring into the room, my heart beating at an uncontrollable pace and one drop dead gorgeous man looming over head, well I was lost in it all. 

Finn launched the boxing pads off his hands in one strong flinging motion before grabbing my hair and hips and throwing me into the corner ring post. He followed over swiftly grabbing one of my legs and tucking it behind the middle rope while still holding a fistful of my hair with the other. 

“Distractions Y/N…Distractions are expensive.” He muttered sternly under his voice as he lent into my ear. 

“Distractions cost titles.” Finn’s breath in my ear sent shivers down my spine. Christ my inner core was melting at the accent that rolled off his Irish tounge. How I would have begged to put that tongue to work in between my legs, id of choked out the dominant prick and drowned him in my orgasm given half a chance. 

Finn ran his hand slowly from my ankle up my leg, stopping at the hem of the mini gym shorts I had borrowed from Rhea. The slogan ‘MAMI’ painted across my backside in bold font was hard to miss. 

“Distractions…” Finn’s voice was husky, heavy and deep. Slightly out of breath and yet completely in control. 

“Lead to temptations…” He ran his hand over the soaked core in between my legs causing me to tense as his hand, for just a moment his hand touched my clit and I swear it was like the devil had sent this man to toy with what was left of my sanity. We had barely begun, and I could have finished on the spot.

Finn leaned back and rested his forehead on mine for a moment before pulling me in, so our lips were millimeters from touching. 

“Those temptations will be granted… After you win that title.” And with that he stepped away, turning his back on me, and retrieving the boxing pads ready to start training again. 

I didn’t move.

My body was stuck, it was frozen in the desperation to be fucked in this ring. It had been weeks, weeks since any of them would take me to bed. Christ it didn’t even need to be a bed, Id of let Finn, Dom or Damien bend me over and fuck me down the alleyway behind the WWE performance Centre if it had meant I could have gotten some release.

Finn stood glaring at me, “Down…now.” I still didn’t move, I thought if I was a brat then he would have to react. Teach me a lesson. 

Taking my leg off the ropes I stood opposite him only a few feet away, initiating the stare down. I was never going to win mind you, but it was fun to press Finn’s buttons. How my inner goddess ached to lay across his lap, to bury that beard between my thighs, to feel his manhood at the back of my throat. Desperate times call for desperate measures. 

“Don’t test me little girl…” Finn’s voice was harsh now, that sexy playful tinge he usually had was gone. A part of me wasn’t so sure this was a good idea, but then again, it was this or back to training. And I knew which workout I would have preferred.

The Naked one. 

I stuck to my guns, I didn’t move, I didn’t blink, I didn’t break eye contact. 

“Y/N… Raise. Your. Hands” Finn’s words were cold. 

I stayed still. The devil on my shoulder was going for it now. Fuck the prince it said... Literally.

He took his fighting stance and lifted the pads, still I didn’t move. 

“Last Chance…” he warned, seconds before throwing a 1-2 punch in my direction, closing the gap between us. 

I was quick to raise my fists and defend his every attempt. 

1-2, 1-2-3, 1, 1, 1-2, 1, 1-2-3. 

It was relentless, I realized then this was how he would punish me. I was never going to get what I wanted. Instead, he was going to force me to fight, otherwise Id of left this training session with bruises from head to toe. And not the fun kinky kind. 

He carried on, forcing me around the ring in circles, my breath heaving, music still going as the volume seemed to increase, the sweat now dripping from every inch of my body as his jabs kept coming, and coming, and coming. 

Suddenly, the gym door smashed open, and Dominik fell through it tumbling to the floor, closely followed by a rather furious Damian and unimpressed Rhea. Neither had seemed too pleased to come home and find the kitchen still a mess from breakfast while Dom Dom had elected to level up on WWE2K instead. 

I turned my head for a split second at the noise and… well… BAM. 

The pain ran through my head like electricity from a lighting bolt. As if reality had come in that moment, silence fell. Slamming down on the map I grasped at my eye, my vision half blurred and teary as I curled myself up onto my knees with my head in my lap. 

“OW! THE FUCK!” I shouted in Finn’s direction; he knelt down next to me pulling my hand away to view an already blue bruise forming around my left eye. I could barely see him properly, but even in silhouette form he was gorgeous. A complete twat who had just given me a black eye 2 weeks before my big WrestleMania match, but still gorgeous. 

“Told ya lass..” Finn chuckled, “Distractions cost titles!” With that he stood up and pulled the pads off his hands before grabbing a towel from the side and throwing it over to me. 

From the other side of the room Damian towered over Dom, grabbing him by the scruff of his shirt. 

“Upstairs. NOW.” His voice was hash and honestly, I think poor Dom knew he had made a mistake. But I was still  jealous, I would have traded spots with him in a heartbeat just so Damian could have broken me apart instead. There may be 206 bones in the human body, but Id let Damian make it 207, EVERY. DAY.

Dom scrambled to his feet and sped off upstairs with Damian following close behind him. Rhea laughed and walked over switching off the sound system before heading to a little mini fridge, she grabbed a quick snap ice pack and wrapped it in a blue paper towel before hopping up onto the side of the ring. 

I scooted my way over and climbed under the bottom rope taking a seat next to her. Tears still in my eyes and with the Ice pack in hand she held it up to my face brushing the loose hair away that had escaped my messy bun. 

I looked longingly into her eyes, hoping she would see the desperate need I had for her. Not even just in the bedroom, just to be held. I felt tired, broken and now thanks to Finn...sore. I was nervous for this upcoming match, truth be told I was absolutely terrified and I just needed to feel loved. 

Rhea smiled at me, gently kissed my cheek and hopped off the ring apron, heading for the door. One hand on the frame she stopped for a moment and looked back over her shoulder at me and smiled. 

“Sorry Bunny, rules are rules. No distractions.” Rhea said before closing the gym door behind her. 

I don’t know why I felt so hurt in that moment, they weren’t being cruel. It was standard with anyone, 100% focus on the upcoming championship. 

Win the belt. Win the belt. Win the belt, become a champion. 

Reality bought me back to earth when my phone buzzed on the gym floor, I looked down to where I had discarded it, prior to stepping in the ring with Finn. Tossing it around like it didn’t cost thousands, typical gym behavior. 

Jumping down off the apron, I sat on the floor with my back to the ring, I could hear the faint mumbled sounds of Damian upstairs and wondered for a second just how much trouble Dom had gotten himself into. Honestly boy, just load the dishwasher. It isn’t that hard. 

Shaking my head and smiling I attempted to unlock my phone screen with facial recognition but the ice pack put a stop to that plan. Instead tugging with my teeth at the sweat soaked hand wraps I was wearing I managed to get them off and using my Pin I unlocked the screen. 

Time Stopped. 

It stood still. 

Shit. 

Two messages. 

One from an unknown number i didn't recgonise, and one from a very well-known number I needed to forget.

KNOWN NUMBER – ‘Nothing makes us as lonely, as our secrets Y/N. You know where to find me…’ 

UNKNOWN NUMBER –  ‘Locker Witnesses’

[kattythingz]

YJ x FMA Pt. 8

SIKE! BETCHU THOUGHT YOU SAW THE LAST OF THIS STUPID CROSSOVER FROM ME. However, y'all underestimate the power of 1) the edling brainrot, 2) the edward elric brainrot, and 3) ed & m'gann (and kaldur).

Yeah, I have a favorite trio. What are you gonna do, stab me? >:D

Anyway, Crown is sufficiently threatening to fry my brain again, so here's 2.4k right out the gate.

🧡 Pt. 1 💛 Pt. 2 🤍Pt. 3 🩵 Pt. 4 💙 Pt. 5 🧡 Pt. 6 💛 Pt. 7 🤍

The early sun had risen by the time home was finally in distant sight. Superboy squinted against the light glaring straight into his eyes, feeling like he really was about to develop heat vision from the burn. Bialya’s heat hadn’t disappeared from the exhausted corners of his eyes yet (nor had it from anyone else’s, he noted with a glance at his friends), so, really, he was just baking on the inside and outside now. The sand still clinging to his skin didn’t help matters.

He practically shoved his way past his friends as soon as Bioship landed, Sphere following loudly (excitedly) after him. The blast of cool air from the ventilated space swept through his overheated lungs, and he heaved out a reflexive sigh.

M’gann’s giggle from behind warmed Superboy’s ears again, and he twisted toward her with a scowl, where she and Wally were helping Kaldur walk out of Bioship. “Jeez, Superboy,” she said. “Was it really that hot without a shirt?”

His face further warmed at the reminder. After everything he’d accidentally seen of M’gann’s true form during her mind battle with Psimon, he was hyperaware of her… everything. There was much more to her than unfathomable kindness, suddenly, and he—wanted to understand all of it now.

“I thought Kryptonians weren’t bothered by extreme heat,” Wally snorted. “You sure didn’t seem it when you attacked Artemis and—”

“Wally, stairs.”

“Right, right.”

Superboy rolled his eyes at Wally’s complete one-eighty for M’gann. The only reason he’d rushed to help her with Kaldur definitely wasn’t for Kaldur himself. Robin and Artemis pulled similar faces next to Superboy, Artemis’s more annoyed than usual, and they descended the stairs in brief silence, sans Sphere’s “rambling” as she took in the new space.

As soon as Kaldur was steady on floor level, he stood taller in M’gann and Wally’s holds, starting, “I believe I can—”

“You’re still way too overcooked,” Robin interrupted him with a rare sternness. “You look like you’re seconds from passing out. Just let us carry you, dude.”

“Oh, sure, ‘us’. When I’m doing all the work—”

“Uh, I’m here too, Wally,” M’gann said.

“Megan and I! Megan and I are doing all the—”

“God, shut up already,” Artemis scoffed and stalked ahead.

Wally spluttered after her back as the rest of them followed her wordlessly. “Okay, seriously, what is your deal with me suddenly—?” 

“Just walk, kid idiot,” Robin snickered.

The Cave had been silent upon arrival, but their voices eventually began to echo through the halls in a familiarity that Superboy had to admit was a little comforting. As much as he’d hated those initial weeks getting used to the place, the Cave had become home, at some point. He didn’t need super senses to tell his friends felt the same around him.

They paused shortly at the debriefing room when they found it empty like the rest of the Cave. Sphere made a questioning noise at the stop.

“That’s weird,” M’gann frowned at the unlit training circle. “I thought Red Tornado would be waiting for us, at least. We contacted the League as soon as we had radio again.”

“Maybe they’re giving us time to unwind?” Artemis said. “We were gone for twenty-four whole hours.”

“Maybe. I still feel like we’re forgetting something, though…”

Kaldur’s salt water pool was located in the same living area as M’gann and Superboy’s bedrooms, which were just past the kitchen. It was then that they got their first sign of light, from the kitchen lights pooling from the other end of the hall.

Two new heartbeats reached Superboy’s ears as well.

“Wait,” he said gruffly, bringing his friends to a stop. He strained his ears for some sign of familiarity, but nothing rang a bell, and his frown deepened. “I can hear two heartbeats, not from us.”

“What?” Robin tensed. 

“Is it the League, maybe?” M’gann whispered anxiously. “They can want snacks too—”

“Instead of waiting for us in the debriefing hall? No way.” Robin shook his head and, without preamble, drifted a hand to his belt. He signaled for them to take position—M’gann retreating with Kaldur to the back, and the rest distributing against the wall. Robin led them cautiously forward, keeping to the wall adjacent to the heartbeats. 

He risked the barest peek into the living room when he was close enough before nodding to Wally across him.

Superboy heard more than saw the following sequence.

Robin sprung out, birdarang in hand. Wally burst after, ready to zip across to the threat—

And the birdarang flew out of Robin’s hand. 

Wally’s high-pitched yelp sounded right after, and Artemis didn’t wait before shooting out of her spot with an arrow drawn.

“OKAY, THAT’S—!”

“ARTEMIS, WAIT! DON’T SHOOT!”

Superboy stumbled where he, too, had frozen from joining, Sphere bumping his back—and it took him a long, bewildered pause to realize what had disarmed Robin and pinned Wally to the wall in one motion.

A sword.

A familiar sword. Like—

“Ling?!” Robin spluttered. 

Sitting up from the couch, true to Robin’s utter bewilderment, Ling had his arm extended from throwing his sword. Superboy almost didn’t recognize him despite eye contact, because, for a split second, those weren’t the eyes of a friend. But a threat. A chilling one, that hadn’t hesitated at all.

The look cleared in a blink, and Ling was furrowing his brows to say, “Robin?”

M’gann and Kaldur perked up in the corner of Superboy’s vision at Ling’s voice. “Oh, hello, Megan!” she laughed eagerly. “I knew we were still forgetting something!”

“What the hell, man?” Wally cried. “Your first instinct when waking up is to toss your sword at people?! You nearly took off my head!”

Ling’s answering grin came unnervingly easy despite his sword still lodged in Wally’s uniform. “Good thing I didn’t, then! I’d hate for us to have waited for nothing.”

“‘Waited’?” Artemis blinked.

“‘Us’?” Robin said. “Who’s—?”

He paused with the rest of them when Ling shifted wordlessly to reveal the object he’d previously been shielding. The object, that was fast asleep.

Ed. Unbothered by the ruckus, and… tucked close into Ling’s side.

Robin and Artemis must’ve seen something Superboy didn’t, because Robin suddenly chuckled, and Artemis was staring at Ling with a new, solemn emotion.

“Okay, that was kinda cool.” Robin smirked.

“The hell it was! Get this sword off me already—!”

“Oh, quit complaining, you big baby—”

“Mmmmmmhg… Greed? F’ck off alr’dy…”

The rest, joined by M’gann and Kaldur, were distracted by Wally’s soap opera in the corner, so Superboy was alone in watching as Ling’s expression spontaneously wavered with a sad smile.

“Wrong one, sunshine,” Ling murmured, brushing a hand along Ed’s face. 

Superboy frowned at the strange words, but he didn’t get to linger on them before Wally was dramatically released from the sword with a great inhale.

Ling’s gaze flicked to them, like remembering their presence, and whatever tone had burdened him earlier was replaced with a warmer one as he tapped Ed’s cheek gently, crooning louder this time, “Ed, wake up.” He grinned when Ed shifted, annoyed. Without anywhere to escape, however, Ed only bumped into the back of the couch and grumbled, eyes fluttering.

Ling raised a hand to laugh behind. “Láiba… nǐ háizimen zài zhèlǐ. Yáng’eeeeer…”

Robin snapped his head toward those words, a scowl pinching his brow. “Hey! Who said anything about—”

He was cut off by Ed’s eyes peeling open at last.

“Wha’zzat?” he mumbled, touched by the faintest twang. He sat up slowly, loose hair a mess in every direction and red hoodie rumpled. He let out a tiger yawn before blinking first at Ling, and then at the team with a nudge of Ling’s finger.

M’gann was outright beaming as Ed took them all in.

He blinked once, then twice.

“… Wow. Y’all look like shit.”

Superboy was only surprised, then, that it had taken M’gann so long. Ed got no warning before M’gann was flying off her feet and launching toward Ed with an overdue laugh. Artemis caught Kaldur’s weight smoothly, smirking to herself as Ed was abruptly lifted off the ground in a floating hug with a startled yelp.

“ED! I’m so glad to remember you again! I knew I was still forgetting something important, and we were—!”

Ed squeaked, kicking legs in open air, “Uh, th-that’s great, M’gann, but could you—do this maybe on the ground—!” 

Ling let out a laugh at his fiance’s plight, and that sound was familiar, at least. Superboy wasn’t as close to Ling as the rest of the team had gotten during his initial month with them, but he still liked Ling, he guessed. Ling was fun enough to laugh with Robin and Wally, but he also knew to mind his own business. 

Maybe that was why he’d intended for Superboy to overhear Ed’s words before.

“I hope Superboy’s had a chance to punch his asshole dad yet. If he hasn’t, he should get one.”

“Wait, you guys weren’t actually waiting for us here, were you?” Wally’s bewildered question tore Superboy’s attention back to the living room. M’gann had finally set Ed down to his feet, looking sheepish, but, judging by Ed’s smile and pat on her arm, he didn’t mind the lift that much. “I mean, that’d be pretty ridiculous. Considering how long we’ve been gone…”

He trailed off at Ed and Ling’s matching impassive and amused expressions respectively. Wally gawked.

“Seriously?! That’s, like—twenty-four hours!”

“Well, naturally, we didn’t sit here the entire day,” Ling said. “But, even if we had, why is that so strange?”

It was strange, Superboy thought, because they’d clearly fallen asleep waiting for them. Unless it was Batman needing a report from them, nobody had ever done that for them before. Waited.

The realization clearly echoed across his friends’ faces, as they looked surprised between each other. 

“I mean…” Robin started slowly, “it’s not like we never have our missions handled. You should know that by now, at least, Ling.”

“Did he say you didn’t?”

Robin paused at Ed’s unimpressed interjection.

“Nobody said you didn’t have it handled. Ling’s already talked my ear off with your crazy missions.” Ed rolled his eyes toward Ling, who smiled back innocently. “Though, they’re not nearly as crazy as mine, I gotta say. Seriously, only two blown-up buildings in the span of months? You can do better than that.”

“Ed.” Ling’s laugh bubbled out of him much different than before. Easier, now, with Ed around. “You’re hardly the best influence to speak on this matter.”

“Sure, I am. I got shit done, didn’t I?”

“Extremely violently,” Ling agreed.

Superboy’s eyebrows shot up. “So… what? You want us to go around exploding more buildings? Piss of the League even more than we already have?”

“The ‘league’ can suck my metal dick. Why should you care what they think?” Ed deadpanned—causing Wally to choke on his speed-acquired orange juice. Robin made a noise like a laugh and a wheeze into his fist, where M’gann let out a squeak.

“U-Um—!”

Ed blinked at their collective reactions, before tipping back his head with a groan. “Oh, come on. You can’t actually worship them that much. Listen, they’re a buncha adults that refuse to treat you like fellow adults while still having adult expectations of you. That’s hardly—”

Kaldur was beginning to smile now, as was Artemis. 

Ling chortled into his fist, sidling up to Ed’s scowling side. “E-Ed, that’s not—that’s not what shocked them. I’m certain they’re already aware of what you’re saying.”

“Indeed,” Kaldur chuckled. Maybe it was just the amusement in his voice, but he seemed to be breathing easier. Rasping less, to Superboy’s ears. “We are quite aware of that, Ed. Thank you for caring enough to remind us, however.”

Ed opened his mouth to respond to that, before his eyes fell behind Superboy. 

Sphere had reminded them of her presence again with a cheery beep. Superboy heard the surprised skip of Ed’s heart before he blurted, “What the fuck is that thing?”

Superboy perked up without thinking, and Wally snickered, “Oh, you’re gonna love this. Get this: Her name is Sphere.”

Ed was still staring intently at Sphere, too distracted to push off Wally’s elbow from his shoulder, but Ling’s eyebrows shot up.

Superboy’s face warmed, and he scowled. “It’s a perfectly normal name!” he snapped at Wally’s face. “Besides, she doesn’t seem to mind it.”

“Yeah, ‘cause ‘she’s’ a machine—”

“Holy shit,” Ed suddenly interrupted, eyes going wide. “You’re telling me that thing’s alive too?”

“Well, kind of—WOAH, HEY!”

Wally’s yelp went yet again ignored as Ed surged forward, leaving him to crash. Robin and Artemis burst out laughing at him while Ed already had his hands on Sphere.

Superboy’s scowl wavered when Sphere leaned into Ed’s groping with a chirp.

“Holy shit, you are,” Ed breathed. A wide grin split his face. “How is that possible? Are you like Ship? You don’t feel the same, though—you kind of feel like all that stuff from that shitty lab, actually—oh! You kind of have a heart there, don’t you? Hey, Ling, get over here!”

Sphere was downright preening under Ed’s awe, and he was apparently right about her having a “heart”, because she beeped an affirmative too.

“She just feels like cold metal to me, Ed,” Ling laughed when Ed dragged his hand to Sphere’s surface. “I don’t think I can—”

“That’s not what I’m checking, shut up!”

Ling closed his mouth with a grin—expression infinitely softening as Ed’s sharp eyes flicked between Sphere and Ling’s hand. Eventually, he brightened.

“I knew it!” Ed beamed. “That is a heart—kind of. It feels way too close to your pulse to not be one.”

M’gann floated over from where she’d only been watching before. “I thought the same thing!” she exclaimed. “She doesn’t feel quite like Ship, but—”

“She’s definitely still something,” Ed finished eagerly for her.

Wally and Artemis were looking incredulously between Ed and M’gann (that was right, they hadn’t overheard the two bonding in the kitchen), but Kaldur just seemed astounded at their conclusions. He walked over, curious himself now, and Ed scooted out of the way for Kaldur to get a feel of his own.

He waited for a consenting noise from Sphere before lowering his hand.

“You can feel it, right?” M’gann asked, leaning toward him eagerly with Ed.

Superboy smirked as Kaldur visibly considered his next words. “I… can definitely feel something under my hand. Although, I would hesitate to call it a heartbeat, per se…”

“Good enough,” Ed decided. “And, speaking of, why do you look the worst-off between everyone? You’re pale as shit.”

“That is… a rather long story, that I still do not have a full recollection of yet.” Kaldur grimaced. “Perhaps we can tell it after we have all cleaned-up?”

“That’s an excellent idea!” Ling bounced to Ed’s side, sneaking an arm around his fiance. “While you’re doing that, Ed can finally brush his teeth!”

“Oh, because your breath smells so much better—!”

Ling was all smiles as he led himself and Ed to their bedroom, quipping back something that had Ed’s brow ticking. M’gann giggled at the crude reply that echoed, standing to a hover next to Superboy.

“It’s great to be home, huh?” she said to him.

Superboy’s answering smile had nothing to do with Ed.

“Yeah,” he said, eyes stuck on her profile. “Great.”

<- prev ◆ next ->

[Láiba… nǐ háizimen zài zhèlǐ — come on... your kids are here]

[aebi12]

"Resentment" - Chapter 22 [AemondxRhaena]

Summary

He is the cause of her sufferings. He took her dragon, her betrothed, and her father. Now, he will also take away her future by having to marry him.

With so much history and bad blood between Rhaena and Aemond, their forced union has everything to fail, except that the proximity will make them discover that perhaps they have more in common than it seems.

AU - the Greens win the war.

Chapter 1 - Chapter 2 - Chapter 3 - Chapter 4 - Chapter 5 - Chapter 6 - Chapter 7 - Chapter 8 - Chapter 9 - Chapter 10 - Chapter 11 - Chapter 12 - Chapter 13 - Chapter 14 - Chapter 15 - Chapter 16 - Chapter 17 - Chapter 18 - Chapter 19 - Chapter 20 - Chapter 21

Masterlist of my other works.

Read on AO3

Tags: enemies to lovers, slow burn, romance, angst, drama, eventual smut, hurt/comfort

Please remember that english is not my first language, so I'm sorry for the mistakes...

+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

“The king has summoned you to his chambers, Your Grace.”

The young queen’s heart began to pound at the words her maid had just told her.

What could her husband want with her right now? He had not bothered to visit her – not that she would blame him considering he was bedridden – nor send a message after the baby situation. He had not asked her to see him when, surely, he had been informed that she could already take care of herself. So why call now? Just when she was on her way to the royal hall for the banquet after the wedding. Surely, he couldn’t want her to share his bed. Or could he? Not at this hour… not that that would have stopped him before, but… there was no reason for him to look for her anymore. She could not have children anymore, the maester and the midwives had said that the damage had been greater than they initially thought and she hadn’t stopped bleeding for weeks…

Ellyn clears her throat and closes her eyes for a moment to push those memories away. It is not worth thinking about. Not now. Not ever.

Taking one last look at the mirror and finding her proper appearance, she leaves her room and walks the few meters that separate her from her royal husband's. The guards greet her with a bow and open the doors, announcing her.

“Ah, there you are!”

To the queen's surprise, her husband is sitting on his wooden litter, wearing royal robes and his crown of Valyrian steel and rubies on his head.

“Your Grace,” she greets, approaching him, heart still beating strongly and trying not to make eye contact with Aegon. She does not know if she will like what she will find in them, “You sent for me.”

“Yes, I thought it best that we both enter the banquet together.”

“Will you go to the banquet?”

She cannot help but look up at the surprise she feels at the news.

“Did you not hear me?” the ever-present tone of exasperation in the king’s voice reaches her. His violet eyes scan her with an expression that is half frustration and half amusement, as if he does not know exactly what to make of her, “Of course I will go to the feast. It is my brother’s wedding.”

Ellyn does not answer, she simply nods.

“Were you in the Great Sept?”

“No, I felt a little under the weather this morning,” she lies. She does not like septs, the smell of incense, or the sermons of the religious. She’d had enough of them during her convalescence, she’d heard the repetitive words of comfort and resignation and she was sick of them.

“Of course,” Aegon grimaces, “Come on, then.”

The king gives an order and four guards take charge of lifting the litter. Ellyn stands beside him, walking at the same pace as them and trying to mentally prepare herself for what awaits her.

Her first time facing the court after the loss of the baby.

It is no coincidence that she chose this ceremony where, she hopes, all eyes will be focused only on the Lady Rhaena and Prince Aemond. Where she hopes to remain as unnoticed as a queen can be. It is a foolish idea, perhaps, but she cannot extend her absence from royal engagements any further, not unless she wants more rumors to start or to simply be relegated to being another figurehead in the Keep.

As if you weren’t already.

Ellyn sighs and raises her head as the double doors of the hall open, moving forward without looking at anyone in particular as they make their way to the head table. The bride and groom have not arrived yet, though the dowager queen is already in her place, as is Prince Daeron. Against her better judgment, her eyes meet those of her brother-in-law, who seems as surprised as everyone else to see her, though a smile spreads across his handsome face.

The young queen quickly looks away, and sits down in her assigned place next to her husband, who promptly orders wine. Ellyn sips from her goblet as well, and is thankful that it is not too long before the doors open again and the newlyweds enter the hall, walking close to each other but not touching.

Rhaena Targaryen is, the queen thinks, exactly as she imagined her. Slender and beautiful, with that Valyrian charm she knows well, and that seems to draw everyone in the hall. The court erupts in cheers as the newlywed couple walks to the center table to greet the king and queen.

“Cousin Rhaena,” Aegon smirks, “We finally meet again!”

Rhaena’s expression is one of calculated kindness and serenity, as Ellyn can tell.

“Cousin,” she greets, “It’s been a while, but I am glad to find you in good health and spirits.”

Ellyn raises her eyebrows at her, and if she notices, she says nothing, her gaze focused somewhere between the ground and the king.

“So… you are now husband and wife,” Aegon laughs and sips from his goblet, “The hope of the realm! I expect for you two to have better luck than my dear queen and I in that regard.”

Aegon pats his wife’s shoulder carelessly, pointing at her, and the gazes of the new princes focus on her, though Ellyn ignores them, trying to remain composed.

“Thank you for your good wishes, Your Grace,” Rhaena replies.

“Show your gratitude having a son to be my heir,” Aegon points out, adding sarcastically, “Since my wife was unable to do so.”

Do not let his words affect you, do not let his…

“Maybe you should stop drinking so much and watch your words, brother.”

It is not Aemond who speaks, but Daeron. His voice, lacking its usual gentle tone, leaves them all at a loss for words for a moment. Ellyn does not dare look at him, though she feels her brother-in-law’s gaze on her.

“Enough,” the dowager queen interjects, “Aemond, Rhaena, sit down, our guests surely wish to congratulate you. Daeron, you…”

Ellyn does not hear what the dowager queen says to her son, she only notices that, a few moments later, Daeron stands up and walks off somewhere.

Nobles begin to arrive like flies drawn to honey, reciting polite words to the kings before turning their full attention to Rhaena and Aemond. Mostly Rhaena.

“Aren’t they going to dance?” she asks Aegon when the greeting line finally ends, and the couple is still at the table.

The king lets out a mocking chuckle, “Have you ever seen Aemond dance?”

No. Of course not. Although she had thought that, since it was his wedding, the prince would make an exception.

Nonsense.

Illusions, like the ones she had had when her father had decided to marry her to the king. Foolish illusions that she had harbored in her heart because, arrogant as she was, she had believed herself superior to her sisters because she was going to get married. Because she would be queen. Because her children would sit on the Iron Throne while they remained single.

Stupid girl.

She had arrived in the capital and, although her husband bore the scars of dragonfire, she had found him handsome enough that she had not been disgusted on their wedding night. Besides, Aegon had been patient and, over time, she had even come to find a certain comfort at his side. He was not a terrible husband, he expected nothing more from her than an heir and he did not subject her to his presence continually. So, Ellyn had enjoyed her freedom and delighted in making the Red Keep her entertainment center, filling the nights with dancing, gatherings, puppet shows, and music. She was the queen, after all. She was young, beautiful, and entitled to enjoy her new position.

It hadn't lasted long. The novelty had worn off, and after losing her first baby, she had taken out her frustration on her ladies, forcing them to compete with each other for her attention, for her favors, alienating those who said something she didn't like or who were simply not worthy enough of her time.

It all seemed so ridiculous now. She had been so frivolous, so foolish... and what had she gotten out of it? Nothing but the false affection of the courtiers. Affection that had vanished when it became clear that she was now nothing more than a queen for show, with nothing to contribute or anything to benefit them. Would that happen to Rhaena too? Her blue eyes travel to those of the new princess, who delicately eats from the plate in front of her. The queen watches her for a few more seconds before turning her gaze to the rest of the room. Several nobles are already dancing in the center, including Lady Marianne Westerling and Daeron.

“They have my approval.”

Her husband’s voice makes her look away, “What?”

“My brother and the Westerling girl. They have my approval to marry,” he explains.

“Oh,” Ellyn tries to ignore the hollow feeling in her stomach that the news brings, “I did not know Prince Daeron had an interest in Lady Marianne.”

Liar.

“It is convenient, don’t you think?”

“Of course. A young, noble lady is just what your brother deserves,” she nods, looking away.

A noble lady. Untethered. Unblemished and unbroken.

The complete opposite of her.

The thought makes her heart ache and her eyes sting, but she forces herself to keep watching them dance because the next wedding she attends will probably be theirs.

And there is nothing she can do about it.

~~~

Rhaena doesn’t really know what to do.

If this were any other banquet, she’d probably be dancing already.

But this is her wedding celebration. And since arriving from the Sept, she’s done nothing but sit at the center table next to Aemond.

Her husband.

The thought still sends shivers down her spine, as if she hasn’t grasped what it means. And, really, she hasn’t. Not yet.

“I think I’ll go say hello to Marianne.”

Aemond meets her eyes for an instant before they drift to one of the nearby tables, where her friend is deep in conversation with Daeron.

“Are you looking forward to interrupting the happy couple?” he asks, raising his eyebrows and adding, “Or do you wish to get away from your husband’s presence already?”

Despite his question, there is a hint of amusement in his voice and Rhaena notices that the corners of his lips are turned up, as if he is struggling not to smile.

“Perhaps,” she replies, offering him a half-smile before standing up and walking around the table so she can reach her friend. Only, as she does so, she is interrupted by Alyn Velaryon.

“Cousin,” she can’t contain the look of exasperation she gives him, what could he possibly want now? But it’s not like she can just ignore him, such rudeness wouldn’t go unnoticed and she doesn’t want to give rise to any potential rumors or malicious comments.

“I know you are probably sick of seeing me already,” the man says, “But I was hoping you could dance with me considering I am leaving for Driftmark in the morrow.”

“You are leaving? So soon?” the amazement is clear in her voice.

“I’ve done what I needed to do here,” he nods, “The island needs me now. I will be leaving shortly for the Free Cities, and there are many details to sort out.”

“Following in our grandsire’s footsteps?” she asks as she takes his hand and leads him over to where the other guests are dancing.

“Not at all,” Alyn smiles, “It is purely a trade trip. With winter approaching, we need to stock up on supplies.”

“A most sensible plan,” Rhaena bows and they begin to dance.

“Rhaena I… uh…” Alyn clears his throat, “I have a message from Baela. She… asked me to remind you of the last conversation you two had, especially about her… recommendation and the directions she gave you for after your wedding night.”

The girl feels her cheeks heat up, “Do not worry, cousin, I remember my sister’s words well. Please let her know that I will act as I see fit.”

There are a few seconds of awkward silence until Alyn sighs, “I am sorry, Rhaena, please don’t be angry with Baela. Or with me. Your sister only wants the best for you, I know this situation is difficult, but we are both trying to protect you.”

“Oh is that so?” Rhaena raises her eyebrows at him, “I am sorry, cousin, it is just that all this sudden worrying takes me by surprise.”

“I made a promise to our grandsire, I swore to take care of you two.”

“You certainly took good care of Baela,” she points out, “As for me… I was clearly not your priority considering you left me as a guest in the Vale, exiled from the only family I had left in the world.”

 “Rhaena…”

“No, no, it’s fine,” she raises her hand to silence him, but he cuts her off.

“I tried, I really did,” he assures her, “I wanted to bring you back, but you should know that it was much more convenient for them to keep you apart, it was easier that way. Besides, I was in no position to make demands.”

Alyn is right. She knows that his reasons are justifiable, as a young lord of questionable origin, he did not have much influence at court even though he had been accepted by Lord Corlys, yet…

“It does not matter, really,” she answers, trying to calm herself, “You are going to return to Driftmark and I’ll be here, with my new husband. And besides, it is not that bad. He is not that bad, I know he doesn’t give that impression, but… I’ll be fine. I think I can be…”

She doesn’t finish the sentence, she just makes a vague gesture with her hand, and holds her cousin’s gaze. “Now I understand why Baela seemed so alarmed when she mentioned your feelings for the prince.”

“I have no feelings for the prince.”

Alyn sighs, and for some reason, that gesture irritates her.

“Just keep in mind that he is not a good man. He is not honorable and you cannot trust him. Aemond Targaryen will always look out for his own benefit, not yours. He will not support you or protect you if the… pieces on the board change. His priority will always be his family and you are not part of it, Rhaena. You are just a means to an end, that is how they all see you,” his gaze takes in the high table, “At the end of the day, remember that your true allies are Baela and I. Your true family.”

Her words cause his heart to sink and a bitter feeling to creep through her body.

“From your words, I see that my sister has clearly made you a party to her foolish expectations of a… resurgence of our side or whatever. Do not encourage her. If you love her as you truly claim to do, then put those crazy ideas out of her mind. We are not at war. We do not need war. Leave all that behind and just live in peace. I would not like to lose my sister because of her desire to pursue a utopia”

“You won’t,” he assures her, “And it is not a utopia. Just…remember our words. Don’t trust the prince, trust only yourself. It won’t be too long until you can be free of him, and when that happens, I truly hope that you can then find someone who will give you as much joy as Baela and I feel.”

As Baela and I feel.

The words echo in her mind, and far from cheering her up or relieving her, they only make her resent her cousin and sister more.

“Goodbye, cousin, I wish you a safe journey home.”

Without waiting for Alyn to respond, she turns her back and walks toward the central table.

Aemond meets her gaze as she climbs the stone steps, his expression quickly letting her know that he knows something has upset her.

“What is it?” he asks quietly when she reaches him.

“I’m just tired,” she shakes her head.

“Mmm,” the prince studies her for a few more seconds before turning to the king and his mother, “Rhaena and I will retire.”

“Good! We can begin the bedding ceremony,” Aegon chuckles.

Rhaena feels the color drain from her body and her hands begin to tremble slightly. She hasn’t thought about that part of the wedding. Was she going to have to endure the nobles stripping her and carrying her to the Tower of the Hand? The thought alone makes her gag.

“My wife and I will go alone to our chambers.”

Aemond doesn’t need to raise his voice for his words to have the desired effect and for his brother to give up on the subject. Relief spreads through her and Rhaena manages to breathe normally again.

***

Despite what Aemond says, they are not alone on their way to the Tower.

Guards, maids, pages, and noble ladies – Marianne among them – follow them.

Upon reaching the prince’s chambers, Aemond gives her a quick glance before entering them. Rhaena, meanwhile, is led down a different corridor to new rooms that will be for her use only.

“This is nice,” Marianne comments after examining the chamber

The girl nods. The rooms are spacious and she even has her own private room. Her eyes quickly search for her dragon, finding her sleeping near the fireplace, as is her custom. Morning’s presence eases her heart, so she goes to her and briefly strokes her scales, delighting in the warmth the creature gives off.

“We should not keep the prince waiting, my lady.”

Rhaena raises her face to a middle-aged woman she doesn’t recognize, “Are you my new maid?”

“Yes, my lady, I will assist you in whatever you need.”

“What is your name?”

“I am Nelly, ma’am.”

“Nelly,” Rhaena nods and stands up, approaching her new maid, who looks at Morning with a mix of fear and distrust, “Do not worry, you will not be tending her. I will personally take care of my dragon.”

The maid lowers her gaze and Rhaena enters the room, sitting in front of the dressing table and letting the women begin to work on removing the tiara from her head while others remove her heavy dress and help her cool down, as well as placing rose oil on her skin and hair before putting an ivory silk nightgown over her head that is quite a bit more revealing than what she usually wears at night.

When Rhaena looks at her reflection in the mirror, her hands begin to shake again and her expression must be one of terror, because Marianne rushes to get the maids out of the room.

“Out, all of you.”

Once they are alone, Rhaena turns to her friend, “Am I supposed to go to his chambers wearing this?”

“It is… different, but pretty,” Marianne bites her lip and sighs, “I guess it is normal for a married woman to wear this kind of attire.”

Rhaena gulps. Married woman. About to go on her wedding night. That’s just what she is.

“I can’t do it,” she says quietly, terrified, “I don’t think… I don’t think I can do… what I’m supposed to do.”

“Can we run away?” her lady’s proposal sounds more like a question, “The Keep is huge, we could try.”

Rhaena hugs her friend, allowing her closeness to reassure her. As scared as she is, she knows she will have to face what comes next.

It is just one night. Nothing more. How bad can it be?

She prefers not to think about it.

The knocks of the guards on the door separate them and one of them announces that he must take her to Aemond’s room.

“Rhaena”

“I will be fine,” she says, trying to sound convincing, “Everything will be fine.”

“Call for me if you need me. Any time. I will be here.”

“I know,” she assures her, and hugs Marianne’s one last time before following the guards.

The halls of the Tower of the Hand are narrow, cold, and unfamiliar to Rhaena. Her heart pounds as the man stops in front of a massive door and, without knocking, opens it for her to enter.

The guards say nothing more, just close the door behind her, and Rhaena stands by the door, motionless. Or perhaps waiting for Aemond to say something to her. But there is only silence.

“Aemond?” she dares to call out in a shaky voice.

She receives no answer.

He is not there. Or, at least, not yet.

Feeling calmer for having those few minutes of solitude, Rhaena walks deeper into the room. The fireplace is the only source of light, though she can see several details such as the massive stone walls filled with shelves of books and scrolls. Rhaena looks up at the vaulted ceiling that seems to be decorated with patterns that the dim lighting doesn't allow her to make out. There's also a huge tapestry on one of the walls that looks like a map, though she doesn't linger on it too long as she walks to the windows, marveling at the view of the Blackwater. Would the ones in her room have a similar view?

Her ramblings stop when the door opens and closes an instant later.

Rhaena swallows.

She doesn't have to turn around to know who it is.

Besides, she doesn't want to turn around.

The prince doesn't say anything, but it's not long before she can hear his footsteps approaching, stopping right behind her, his presence very close, so close that she can smell his perfume. Rhaena closes her eyes and breathes in his scent, trying to calm the violent beating of her heart and the nerves she feels at being alone with him.

Your husband.

The thought makes her shudder.

“Are you afraid?” Aemond’s voice is almost a whisper, but it sounds so close to her ear that she shudders again.

“No,” she lies, “Should I be?”

“Mmm,” the prince’s hands move up from her elbows to her bare shoulders, “Only if you have something to hide.”

Rhaena takes the implication in his words. Suddenly annoyed, she turns and faces him, glaring, “I have nothing to hide,” she retorts fiercely, “I am still a maiden.”

“I suppose I’m about to find out.”

Aemond shifts his gaze to Rhaena’s lips and lowers his face to hers, ready to kiss her. Rhaena places a hand on his chest and pulls back, “No. Not unless I get from you what you ask of me.”

Clearly her refusal irritates the prince, but she holds his gaze and takes a few steps back, moving away from his proximity.

“It was never serious,” he finally says, “I don’t even know her name. She was just some… distraction.”

“Yet you only visited her.”

It is not until she says it out loud and hears the reproach in her voice that Rhaena understands how much it really affects her to think that, perhaps, she will have to share the prince with this woman.

“I am selfish, I don’t like to share,” he replies, echoing her own thoughts from just seconds ago.

“Well, neither do I.”

A half-smile appears on Aemond’s face and Rhaena feels her cheeks flush. Still, it’s not enough. Not yet. “No more distractions from today.”

Just me.

For a moment, she thinks he won’t accept what her words imply.

After long seconds, he finally nods, “No more distractions.”

“Good”

“Good”

They both look at each other and, she doesn’t know who advances first, but they close the distance between them.

Rhaena feels Aemond place his hands on either side of her cheeks before his lips rest on hers. Closing her eyes instinctively, she feels the prince's mouth move over hers fiercely and determinedly, with a kind of hunger that she also feels and that leads her to move her hands and caress Aemond's torso, moving up to his shoulders and the back of his neck, tangling them in his silky platinum hair.

The prince breaks the kiss, but Rhaena doesn't dare open her eyes, she just lets him take her by the waist and lift her up, moving towards some part of the room that ends up being his bed. When she is finally lying on the soft bed, she dares to open her eyes, meeting Aemond's gaze. Meeting his blue eye that now seems almost black with desire. He doesn't give her time to say anything because he's kissing her again and any coherent thoughts leave her head when his lips move down her jaw to her neck, leaving a trail of wet kisses that only ignite the fire she feels inside her.

“Aemond,” his name slips from her lips as the prince’s hands caress her breasts over the fabric of her nightgown, circling her nipples as if playing with them, causing them to harden. His skilled fingers are quick to untie the knot of the garment, exposing them to his gaze. Rhaena tries to cover herself with one of her hands, embarrassed by her nakedness, but Aemond stops her by holding her arms above her head before bringing his lips to her nipples, licking them delicately and causing a renewed feeling of heat to begin to form between her legs.

Rhaena gasps his name again and Aemond lets go of her arms, bringing his free hand up to slip it under her gown, lifting it and moving up to reach her thighs, caressing the soft skin of her legs. Aemond suppresses a sound of satisfaction when his fingers move up to reach that wet place between her legs.

“No… I don’t think you should…”

Rhaena’s refusal is cut off as he strokes her intimacy, his long fingers working their way through her folds. What are these sensations she is experiencing? This kind of desire that builds as Aemond’s fingers move over her womanhood. Something seems to be building inside her, a kind of pleasure that builds up and threatens to explode.

“Aemond… no… I…”

A sigh of pleasure leaves her lips as the sensation reaches its peak, and she closes her eyes, breathing raggedly as she grips the sheets.

The prince moves away from her side and, fearfully, Rhaena watches him remove his pants until he is bare from the waist down. Although she tries not to, her eyes stray to his manhood, finding it large and terrifying.

“Rhaena”

There is something different about the way he calls her name. She watches him stroke his hand over his member as he stares at her, lying on the bed, her chest rising and falling rapidly and her lips swollen from his kisses. Reveling in her presence in his bed, he moves his hand up and down his length, before moving back to the bed and approaching her, this time placing his hands on her knees, gently parting them.

Rhaena swallows hard, but lets him position himself over her, feeling the heat of his body on hers.

“Finally,” Aemond whispers as he lifts the nightgown to align their bodies.

Rhaena closes her eyes as she feels the tip of his member brushing against her intimacy, biting her bottom lip to keep from letting out the sounds that struggle to escape her.

“Let me hear you,” the prince says, releasing her lip with his fingers.

The girl gasps and, unable to help herself, she kisses him, seeking contact with his lips, trying to let herself be carried away by his caresses, by his hands squeezing her breasts and his tongue exploring her mouth, by the way the heat of his body overwhelms her, by the wave of pleasure she feels when he brushes all her intimacy with his member.

Moans fill the room and, when he finally begins to enter her, a sharp pain runs through her interior. Aemond kisses her harder and stops, remaining still inside her until the expression of pain leaves Rhaena's face.

“I'm fine,” she assures with a gasp, “Just…”

Aemond nods and begins to move once more.

Her hands grip at his sides as she tries to move in time with him, trying to meet his thrusts, needing his touch. Aemond buries his face in her neck, nibbling at it, his thrusts becoming frantic. Their pleasure builds until finally, the climax overwhelms her again, causing her to arch off the bed as she feels Aemond still on top of her, repeating her name like a prayer.

For a few moments they stay like that, motionless, he still inside her, breathing raggedly. When the weight of his body on hers begins to become painful, the prince moves and slowly pulls out of her before dropping to the other side of the bed.

Silence falls between them and Rhaena, unable to say anything or even look at him, wonders what she should do. Will they spend the night together? Will he ask her to go back to her chambers?

In the end, they just stay like that, close to each other, although not touching or speaking, until Aemond's hand finds Rhaena's and intertwines their fingers, the gesture causing the beginnings of a smile to appear on the girl's lips.

***

Rhaena is alone in the room when she wakes up.

Confused and not quite recognizing the place, she sits up in bed and is aware of the burning between her legs.

Then she remembers the night before and, even though she is alone, she feels ashamed.

She had slept next to Aemond. Next to her husband. She had survived the dreaded wedding night and, if she was honest with herself, it had been better than she expected.

Still…

Waking up alone left a bad taste in her mouth.

“He probably had other obligations to fulfill,” she says quietly as she gets out of bed, trying to walk slowly despite the discomfort and pain.

Rhaena orders one of the guards to call her maid, and a short while later, the woman has a bath ready for her.

“Thank you, you may go,” she says before stepping into the tub.

The hot water relaxes her muscles, and Rhaena washes herself slowly, removing the sweat and traces of dried blood between her thighs.

As she finishes drying herself, there is a knock at the door and a maid – a different one than the ones who have served her so far – appears with a cup of tea.

“Your tea, ma’am.”

“I did not ask for an infusion,” she says, confused.

“It is from your sister,” the young woman hands her the cup.

There are a few seconds of hesitation on her part before she receives the cup. Rhaena sniffs the contents and grimaces.

“You should drink it as soon as possible, ma’am,” the young woman dares to say.

Rhaena nods, but still, she doesn't.

The maid looks at her expectantly, clearly not intending to leave, and Rhaena is starting to get impatient. Had her sister ordered her to make sure she actually drink the tea?

“Thank you, you may go.”

“Madam, the tea…”

“Go.”

Her commanding voice leaves no room for rebuttal. The maid, suddenly frightened, lowers her head and leaves.

Once alone, she looks at the cup again and wonders if she should drink its contents.

Baela seemed to think that she should do so. Baela simply assumed that she shouldn't give Aemond a child, not only because of her senseless plans, but because of the whole history of pain and death between them.

And she was right, wasn't she?

Sighing, she brings the cup to her lips and manages to take two sips before feeling she will throw up.

No.

She can't do it.

Without thinking too much, she stands up and throws the contents of the cup into the fireplace.

++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

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[f1-05-writer]

Blurb: Redbull racing welcomes a new doctor to the medical team but she the boss daughter and has caught the eye of max verstappen…

So this is the first part of my story hopefully you like it! It will be a bit of a slow burn!

Part 2 posted!

Length: 1145 words

I brace my knee braced on top of the hard plastic and give an almighty pull of the zipper and yet it still doesn’t budge. The sheer amount of clothes I’ve crammed in are refusing to be contained. “Come on you can do this!” I mutter, trying desperately to psych myself up. With a final burst of brute strength, the zipper eeks closed. “Fuck yes!!” I shout triumphantly settling down on top of the conquered suitcase. I survey my surrounding and settle further into my new position, realising that this is the last thing I have to do. My apartment is now fully packed up. However, the tranquillity of this moment is quickly interrupted by the sweat on my forehead making it's presence known, I grimace as the hem of my shirt comes up wet after swiping it across - Brisbane humidity is not something I will miss. After being here for five years for my medical degree, I'm ready to leave. To do something new. The first stop of that is heading to Bahrain –for the first Grand Prix of the year. Just as I'm about to stand and start wrangling this stupid suitcase out the door of my flat I hear the ear-piercing ring of my phone. Muttering out a curse at the stupid tone and swipe to answer not bothering to look at the name – I already know who it is based on the fucking ringtone.

“Hi Dad, what are you calling for” I query

“Y/N/N,” he starts with, using the shortened version of my name, “I can’t wait to see you again only a few more hours till you are in Bahrain with me! The start of many races together. I was just calling to check that you’re all sorted for the plane – it will be on the tarmac waiting for y-”

I do a double take at that comment and “Wait what! I've already booked my flight you didn’t need to send the plane down – I’ve told you it will make people look at me differently if they see me coming in on the company plane – they will think I only got the position because of you!” I screech, running my hand through my hair, this however, does nothing to sooth my frustration as my fingers get tangles in my mess of curls. Whilst my battle rages with my curls dad continues unperturbed, “Darling, you know that’s not true I had nothing to do with the selection process for Dr Trome.” I finally freed I continue exasperated “I know that dad, but other people don’t! it already hard enough people think I get handouts for being a girl and now people will say I only got it cause I'm RedBull’s Team principles daughter”

My father, Christian Horner sighs “I'm sorry darling, I just wanted to make your day easier – will you at least take the car from Bahrain airport to the track?”

I mull my options over – an Uber on Grand Prix week will cost me and arm and a leg, I know shit about Bahrain public transport and nor do I particularly want to wrangle my luggage around on it. Knowing my options are slim to none I agree to the car picking me up. Pleased with my answer my father finishes the call with a rushed I love you. `

 

I look down at my phone and my heart drops “FUCK” I scream. Frantically I grab everything do a curtesy sweep of my flat – it was really nothing to write home about – despite my very wealthy parents I am determined to make my own way – I want my successes to be mine, that everything I have earned in life is due to my own hard work not my last name, not my parents’ money but my skill. Jumping into a Taxi without a second to spare if I want to make my flight on time, I tell the driver to head to the terminal. An excruciating  25-minute drive later I arrive. With barely enough time to breath, I make it in time to check in. Finally, I have a chance to breath once seated on the plane – I'm always on edge in airports, the sheer mass if people, the lack of control it all sets me on edge. Checking my emails for the details of my position with Dr Trome.

 

Dear Y/N,

 

I hope you are traveling safe and once again congratulations on securing the position

Now that you are on your way, I just want to reaffirm what the expectation and the duties that this position involves –  you are my one of back up team doctors you will be mainly responsible for the wellbeing of your assigned driver – this has yet to be determined but you will be informed once you have arrived in Bahrain.

This includes a whole multitude of aspects but as this is merely an internship with RedBull Racing’s Medical team you will NOT be responsible for making decision merely informing me of your proposed medical plan and talk through the rational with me, we will then decide the course of treatment – this experience is meant to challenge you showing you what life as a team doctor is like – the taxing pace of travel, athletes in their peak physical health and give your hands on training.

When you land at 4pm please come straight to conference room 140E for the run-down of operations.

Once again Congratulations and welcome to RedBull Racing

 

Kind Regards,

Dr Trome

MD, BSc

 

Unable to contain my excitement a wide, slow smile spreads across my face. This is it. The start of a dream. Heading into medical school I was unsure of where I wanted to end up hospital rotations left me feeling drained and unfulfilled – I yearned for travel and excitement. My view of hospitals was probably warped due to the pandemic, but I was desperate not to suffer through that now. When the medical faculty at university had posted about an internship at RedBull racing I just couldn’t pass up, I dared not speak a word to my family about this – I knew my father would inject himself into the situation despite my protests and the obvious ethical violations. So, I quietly applied, not telling anyone and then 3 months ago after the whole interview process was complete, I got the internship. And that’s why I now find myself seated on a plane headed for Bahrain. I look out the window imagine the exciting possibilities that await me when this plane lands

 

Good evening, ladies and gentlemen, the current time in Brisbane is 6pm the flight time to Bahrain is approximately 18hours and 45 minutes so settle back, get comfortable and enjoy your flight. We thank you for flying with us.

 

I settle into my seat and get ready for the start of my new life.

[twistedpink]

Here is my Isekai'd ranking based on personalities, interests and traits.... I'm doing all 22 NRC students ranked cause why not! I'm trying to be realistic here and involve our personalities in this. My rating isn't based on tier but on each person's ability to vibe with me in general outside of tiers.

3rd Tier (does not mesh no matter how much I try, at least I can be in denial)

Floyd: No, run. -1O0/10

Ace: The overly cocky attitude with lack of wisdom to back it up just...rubs me wrong. Along with the bold flirtations. 4/10 for his loyalty and caring side.

Epel: Very kind beneath all the preening to appear more than he is. I get why, he has alot to live up to and doesn't like being seen as feminine by his peers, but something about his rash behavior just makes me less likely to spend time with him. 5/10 cause sharing apples from his family's orchard would be a thing we do while chatting about Harveston.

Sebek: yelling, screaming, obsessive and very judgemental to a negative degree. Especially towards humans? I'm okay, I think. I would try but I don't think I'd get far with his prejudices and would rather he be comfortable than force friendship. 2/10 cause I have hope.

Ruggie: He's very... Well Ruggie, and while I love his humor. I don't have much in commen with him, nor would the conversation go very far. I can see is talking about his home but that's about all. Kindah sad about this one 3/10. I genuinely love his character but I know we wouldn't interact well, it would be clunky.

Jamil: . He is rather rude when he's being truthful (his monologues when stressed and his true self when revealed show this) and I have a feeling he'd view me as someone to be wary of simply because I'm observant and able to pick up on things he thought he'd hidden well, like HIM. I think he'd dislike me based on this alone out of self preservation as he doesn't have the pride in the same way Leona or Azul would have to play with fire and see if they get burned, he's cautious. While we WOULD get along very well if he could get past that wall, I don't see him doing so. We have a lot on common (mental, emotional, hard working and mothering tendencies, ability to read a room, etc.) and could even dance together if he would stop being so snakey. 5/10 simply because we'd be dancing around each other from curiosity but no one making a move or blinking first. Everyone at NRC would find this amusing to witness this dance we do around each other. (The "just kiss" meme being a regular factor Ace would add to chat groups as a dig)

Cater: This man I feel for but I'm not in love with the social media hype. I don't like being photographed nor do I love how he teases. 2/10 with hope for the future.

Lillia: This man is all kinds of things and sometimes he makes me want to pull my hair out, but then laugh and discuss the ages past with him near the Diasmonia fireplace. 6/10 for his charm.

2nd Tier (friendly but not friends. Acquaintances I don't want to rip my hair out at.)

Leona: He's only here cause of his communication style which is rather...confusing to someone like me *cough Autistic/anxious attachment cough*. I think we'd get along VERY WELL (1st Tier possibility) if he could stand the first week of my fumbling like an idiot to get his hot and cold language straight (No means yes and all that jazz) cause I would work hard to do so, so I'm inclined to say yes based off his like to see others rise to their full potential and assist in that. He would make me work for it but I'd be able to. Probably play chess and read a lot together, our banter and convos would be sooooooo stimulating and fun for both parties. Definitely would introvert hard and just let each other exist in the same space while not talking period. He's the one I'd seek out when needing space or safety and I know he'd be fine with that since I'd ignore him while being there. Definitely would bring him lunch if Ruggie asked. 10/10 on a day he isn't grouchy and a jerk with his words. Which when is he not 😂 8/10 on all the other days.

Jade: Another I could see having conversations and pleasent conversations at that with. We both enjoy hiking and have a love for flora, especially mushrooms lol. Why he's here? He unnerves me and I don't want friends that unnerve me. Which I think he's fine with cause he likes knowing he makes people a bit uncomfortable.... 6/10. He's happy here.

Azul: We would probably have a amicable aquantenceship and if he could get past wanting to trap me in a deal constantly, I could see us moving to tier one. Once a week talks over some drinks as friends that find engaging chats with the other would be delightful, maybe some light banter (even encouragment) and learn about the other's worlds too. I'm good with cleaning so I could also help at the lounge, though he wouldn't want me on food or drink making. I could waitress I suppose if he and the tweels had patience. 7/10.

Idia: My gamer history (aka my brother being Idia incarnate) makes him easy for me to vibe with and even game with. We'd have a good time. While I wouldn't consider him a friend, not enough stimulation or trust there for me. I can definitely see late night phone calls to discuss a world ending anxiety thing happening. We'd bounce between friend and acquaintance based on the sun and moon and how hard the winds blowing, but we'd always have the others back. 6/10 when we're both the cats in the relationship. 9/10 when the tide is high lol.

Silver: Hello sleepy man. I don't know much about him, but what I do know of him it's nice so 6/10 for lack of knowledge and not knowing much.

1st Tier (My ride or Die, probably one sided...maybe not? *Hopeful delusion*)

Riddle: Yes, yes he is the rule enforcer, but, after watching play throughs, to me he wasnt so bad before the overblot because I to desire some level of stability and being looked after has always apeeled to my gremlin brain. We would enjoy tea and lots of talks on literature and classes, going over notes and studying together I could see being a normal thing. Emotionally or spiritually I think I wouldn't be happy, but being with someone who is respectful and accommodating (especially after overblot) and growing in himself would make for a good friendship. 9/10 would be an encourager and get encouragement back.

Vil: The queen, no I'm not delusional here. Looking at our personalities and interests, even clothing choices and interactions with others... Vil and I would be more than acquaintances, not that he'd ever admit it. This compatibility with Vil did surprise me, I'm still shook as I dissect it. Our personalities compliment each other and we're able to meet the others needs for mental, emotional, physical and spiritual with ease. He wants to do a dorm spa day, I am there. He wants to chat about how my daily work out can be improved? he read my mind. He wants to banter? Sir, You have my attention. Diet? Sign me up I wanna be healthy and live a good life, here's what I'm already doing. We need to talk about my mental health? Yes Mr. therapist let's do it I've been needing this and thought the same thing. My clothing is fussed? So is yours let me help you, help me sir. Oh, he's a bit onrey today? Say no more, he gets space and a cup of his favorite tea delivered by Rook and a handwritten letter of what our friendship means. We just click like puzzle pieces. Even his desire to be recognized for what he can do *cough Leona cough*, is something I can relate to, the stubborness to. It would be so easy with him and I could possibly see more than friends happening if he was interested in that and he managed to escape the friend zone. +20/10

Jack: Tsundre with a heart of gold. 10/10 would get along and he'd been my motivation to push through hurdles around my health to get to where I want to go safely with his type of encouragement. We could talk about anything and we'd support each other in the process of rough topics and disappointments well.

Rook: ah yes, the hunter and archer with a heavy dash of obsession and observation. Funny enough I'm not bothered by his idiosyncrasies. Infact I think my brain would be delighted to learn from his observations as well as intrigued by how he sees me. His heart for his dorm and other students is ammicable and he's very loyal. He keeps secrets about himself very well to. 9/10 cause this would be another easy boy to get along with for me.

Ortho: Another that I would get along with cause I would be hard not to. He loves his friends and his family, dedicated and all around a good boy. 9/10 easy with some hesitation on the extroversion excursions he always is wanting to go on lol.

Malleus: Another surprising one that I didn't expect to end up here. Why? Cause I'm in denial😎. Malleus and I would get along like Yuu and him do honestly. Curious and lots of funny moments in between. There's a sense of peace, safety and comradery there I don't get with anyone else besides Leona. His aloof nature and never showing up doesn't bother me, nor does his naivety. 8/10 cause I'm still in denial over this friendship happening.

Deuce: His loyalty and chivalry make him an easy 7/10. Even his delinquent side doesn't bother me too much. Definitely someone I'd hang out with and go to town with or Sam's store to stock up on stuff with.

Kalim: easily a 9/10 just cause he requires no brain cells of mine to operate. I can just exist and he'll be more than happy to chat and take me on carpet ride, to the oasis and show me everything as I listen and smile quite pleased with his sunshine personality. He's generous and I know I would be eyeing the Scarabia fresh spices and fruits, which would probably intrigued him as to why I value that over gold or fine materials. We'd probably have picnics and poor Jamil would be forced to spend time with me. At least Kalim is happily distracted by my mindless engagement 😁

Trey: I know this guy is level headed and quite put together (at least so far in the game). I think we would have a great time chatting in the kitchen or even after a long day at the fire place in Heartstanbyl. He's kind and loyal, has a sense of what is too much or too little and gets excited in a understated way. Very calming presence. 7/10 simply because his love language is gift giving and I don't eat majority of what he makes and I think he'd take that personally, but we'd still be friends.

Love the effort!!!!! Would’ve done this if I wasn’t jellyboned,,

[icedhazelnutfrappe]

Tips and tricks from your friend Hazel!

I do not promote nor condone extremely unhealthy habits, tips or more. However, this is never going to be completely healthy, and people worry, so here’s how to hide it, stop b1ng1ng and more!

The most important thing first. Do not share your following or likes! I know this sucks as we want to share each other’s post and such, however if someone gets reported and termed, said person who did this can spam report all the followed accounts and liked posts first! Meaning everyone gets termed, try keep things private <3

1. Only open food, touch and consume food within the radius of friends, family or other, this way they will see you eating ‘a lot’ and ‘often’, and will be less likely to suspect.

2. Constantly bake around family, friends and other, serve them slices, plates and take a portion for yourself, make sure it’s low-cal! This will yet again trick them into believing you eat more than you do., they might ask you to do it more often, meaning it’s easier to keep track of what you consume and know what’s in your food!

3. Mention eating ‘cleaner’, and dieting, make sure you eat healthy around them, and go to the gym (if possible,) or workout at home. If they begin to question, just mention how it’s a trend on social media, ‘new year, new me’, or how you want to be more thoughtful with your health. This way, they won’t question you cooking for yourself, nor weight loss or constant working out and will look at it in a new light.

4. Play with your food, I understand this is always been a thing you’re taught NOT to do, however, I don’t mean push it around your plate into a pile of mush, I mean spend time preparing it, decorating it, and spending a long time actually making the food, before you consume it. This lengthens time before eating and or breaking a fast.

5. Volume eating. If you’re like myself and struggle more with portion sizes, and the need to fill in emotions such as boredom and sadness by consuming everything in sight, volume eating is for you. Making a notes entry, diary or journal with written down ingredients that contain low cal’s, nutrients and protein that you enjoy, you can track ingredients that you can shove into a huge bowl and eat to your hearts content!

6. Stay away from the kitchen. Usually, I find myself perfectly fine all day, and would continue to stay that way too if I didn’t walk into my kitchen. I find myself grabbing a quick snack out of instinct and it turns into a whole mountain of wrappers! Only enter at designated times, and stay focused on what you need, discipline yourself!

7. I know this isn’t possible for most, however, if it is, try it! Buying meals on the day. Instead of stocking up on food and having ingredients, snacks and such that you can constantly have access too, buy meals and snacks on the day or time you consume them, this way when you’re at home, you don’t have access to any and have to leave the house to get them. This way, even if you leave the house to get them and eat more, you’ll still burn some cals there and back.

8. Ditch transportation. If it’s walkable, walk it, rain or shine, walk it. Do not use transportation such as trains, buses or cars if you can easily walk it, this not only helps the planet, can slow down climate change and pollution, but help you lose weight! I know it sucks and may feel like a lot of exercise if you pair this with shopping daily not weekly, however you’ll learn to enjoy it, such as I do!

Hi hi! Sorry for my disappearance, I’ve been keeping busy so I don’t b1ng3 but I’m back now, I hope y’all enjoy my post :) (some tips are from previous posts, but hey! They’re good tips! Will be adding to later, again, no excuse this time)

—> Favourite Quotes/Lyrics <3

“Nothing tastes as good as skinny feels,”

“The difference between your body this week and next week, is what you choose to do between the next seven days,”

“I got a thing for skinny girls with pretty waists,”

“Suck it up and one day, you won’t have to suck in,”

“Summer bodies are made in winter,”

“What you eat in private, you wear in public,”

“Fat lasts longer than flavour,”

“Your desire to change must be greater than your desire to stay the same,”

“You’re not hungry, you’re just bored,”

[ooooshetriesss]

Announcement/Update Cat parents of MALE CATS SPECIFICALLY! If their under 8 &/or u’ve yet to learn about ‘the possibility of obstruction (something that CAN & WILL happen to certain genetically predisposed cats; swap them to wet food for their safety & PLEASE READ)

Hey guys💔 Todays rope had to be canceled. I had to rush one of my boys to ER. It was pretty serious, pretty scary & after 2 days I was finally able to bring him home but, I’m gonna have to keep an eye on him.Because of his size & the meds he needed; they hit him heavy so, he needs help going to the bathroom & using the water bowl.

Thank you to everyone whose reached out via IG as this was going down; if I didn’t get back to you, my apologies; it’s been a bit hectic but Im sincerely grateful for everyone’s concern.

IF U HAVE MALE CATS; SWAP THEM TO WET FOOD FOR THEIR SAFETY if u wanna spare a 1k vet bill,

(I was so shocked to hear both the vet & a lot of my fellow cat owners say “yeah it’s common, most ppl just don’t find out their cats intolerant till the worst happens; & because cats mask so well; at that point, it can truly be serious…)

I know Miami is densely populated but not everyone is 10 mins away from a vet. Also times are tough; I cannot stomach the idea of someone losing their cat cause they didn’t have 1000$ on standby (which who the fk has that these days)

I want to make this last part exceptionally clear..,

I am someone who has had a job since before I was legally allowed to obtain one… I’m one of millions of Americans who couldn’t afford college nor qualify for financial aid… I have worked to the BONE In everything from service industry, to blue collar, to maintenance(both in terms of house keeping & even assembling & maintenance of salt water aquariums..was even a groutsmith) like most Americans, I’ve never had insurance & lived paycheck to paycheck + have made just enough to get by since I was 15.

I didn’t have ‘luxurious purchases’ I had medical bills I couldn’t even afford a regular minimum payment on… I didn’t save for ‘exuberant trips’ … I saved to get a weeks worth of groceries…

I never bought a car..: but some days I spent just as much as I made just to get to work ..(& while the men were praised for riding their bikes & showing “that type of initiative…” I was berated for showing up to work “in such a condition” “It doesn’t matter u come in early /before we open to “fix urself up”

When YOU WALK IN THRU THAT DOOR, U WALK/TALK/COME IN LIKE UR ALREADY ON THE CLOCK… U SHOULD BE COMING IN EARLY ANYWAY (just for them to yell at u for actually coming in early)

The ONLY REASON, I (someone who would literally run into a burning building & d*e for their animals; for animals who weren’t even mine) someone who would miss meals so they could eat THE best food…someone who LOVES & is DEDICATED to their creatures, who would do ANYTHING for them, & MOST importantly..

Someone who was DUMB/NAIVE ENOUGH to be ‘the hardest worker in the room for souless companies/selfish ppl for 30+ yrs was ONLY CAPABLE of getting my baby THAT care NOT because of a “traditional (what yall call ‘honest days work’) IT WAS BECAUSE OF WHAT IS CONSIDERED SW. full fucking stop.

& because I had a women who had both a virtually non interest credit card AND my back♥️ (I’ve told u once, I’ll say it again; Grandmas a gangster)

I know SM likes to frame SW as an option for women who “don’t feel like working/ want expensive luxuries things & are looking for a free ride..”

What we’re lookin for is a career that allows us to still man the ship the way we need to, we’ve been expected to..

It allows us not just means for survival, but the capacity to do so WHILE we continue to be the caretakers of our family & (for some particularly exceptional women) the caretakers of our community…

I wanna make it SO clear this is NOT A DIG to ANYONE, ESPECIALLY the vet& staff that helped us & are appreciated SOOO DEEPLY. These are ppl who are overwhelmed, burnt out like the rest of us, expect unlike nurses, they usually aren’t given a 1/4 of the respect other medical professionals are. PLEASE be kind to them. (I know it’s difficult when emotions are high)

But while this was not my regular content, I know ALOT animal lovers on here… times are tough, there only gonnna get tougher… information is invaluable..

1 week before this happened; 1 woman made a video sharing how she JUST lost her MALE CAT (due to this)

Because of THAT video, I was aware this could even happen…

Because of a incredible vet & her team who TRUSTED me when I said “I will figure out the money, u have my WORD” my boy is safe & while expensive; they made it as affordable as possible…

And because of another woman who had my back w/a piece of plastic at the drop of a hat, I was able to bring him home.

And because of some incredible supporters & community like yall who like my content & share it, push it into the algo, find me on other platforms s & interact, even if they can’t financially contribute.. because of being lucky enough to be supported; I was able to make that happen for my boy. Every single variable is what came together to keep him here today & my heart… can’t even think of how to properly thank you all.

The community looked out for me.. & while this post may be all I have to give back ATM.. it’s what I got..

MALE CATS=WET FOOD TO BE SAFE!!!

(Also, CONSTANT FRESH WATER SOURCE BOTH BY & away from their food ; by their food so they have some to access while eating & some away so it stays fresh & can help them pass more easily.)

Love u guys xoxoxo.

We’ll be resuming to our regular scheduled content next week lol

Till then, xoxoox - hummingbird + ‘Fil’ @ooooshetriesss

[pickles-24]

All Eyes on You (Felix)

1- Orientation

Author's note: This is my first fic In a while please be patient. ( Daisy Lyn is the Musian name - this is not real-)

PAIRING: College Felix!! x Musician fem reader!!

GENRES: social media au, smut, fluff, angst, mystery, drama, enemies to lovers, college au, celebrity au, non-idol au.

WARNINGS: cursing, slow-burn, alcohol/drug consumption, addiction, sexual jokes/ sexual content, toxic relationships, mental health disorders, trauma, mentions of abuse, offense jokes (NOT RACIST NOR ANYTHING LIKE THAT), Felix and MC have a small age gap (He's older by 2 1/2 years) THIS IS NOT IN ANY WAY LINKED TO THE REAL DEALS!

SUMMARY: You're an up-and-coming musician with a decent platform. You and a Friend of Felix's get close eventually leading you to meet Him. Liking each other at first, wasn't in the cards due to several misunderstandings. Throughout the year You start gaining attention from more than just your fans. All eyes are on you.

You knew moving out was the right idea. Daisy Lyn was now becoming a name and You were also approaching the first week of college. Your phone rings, it's your best friend. "It's 5 in the fucking morning Soojin." Seo Soojin, one of your best friends since middle school had a bad habit of calling you at absurd hours. "It rang once why are you still awake Y/N?" She had an idea but you know she wanted you to answer. "Pulled an all-nighter." You left out the fact that you hadn't actually slept in days. Soojin sighs, "What time are we going to the orientation?" You stopped to think.

"Wanna say 7? 7:30? Why not call Minnie?" Soojin's girlfriend, also Your best friend since middle school. Granted you knew her first. "No, she's sleeping." You sighed, "I could've been sleeping." She laughed at that, and you rolled your eyes. You both knew that wasn't ever the case. "I'll look on the campus website and I'll let you know in a bit," You said already typing away at your computer. Soojin thanked you and hung up, not long after she sent you the time for the orientation.

You rolled you're eyes at one of the many memes Soojin had stolen from you throughout the years. You checked the time and the clock read 5:15 am. Since you didn't have to leave til around 8:15 you decided to take a break from working on your first-ever song and watch some well-needed TikTok. You normally scrolled on a secret account you had since you had a decent-sized platform on your main account, but today you decided to go to your main to interact with people.

It wasn't long before you got bored and decided to text one of your group chats. You had one just between Soojin, Minnie, and Yourself and you had another one with two of your other friends. Jeongseob and Soojin were cousins and you two had met when you were sophomores. Sunoo and you had become friends your junior year because you both shared a very boring English class. Eventually, you introduced Sunoo to the rest of the group and they accepted him.

Jeongseob and Sunoo were both starting their junior year the following week and it was their first year without the girls. You had told them that you were always willing to help them with school and all that. Just because you guys were starting college didn't mean that you would forget them. Eventually, 7:00 rolled around and you got up from your mini music studio and got your ass in the shower. You couldn't help but be nervous as the first day of college was approaching. Yeah of course you were excited but this is the first time since 6th grade that you didn't share classes with your friends.

And honestly, that worried you. As you rinse the shampoo out of your hair you could hear your phone chiming. It was probably the group chat and you told yourself you would check later. Your shower ended and you waltzed back out to your room with your phone in hand. Soojin and Minnie were spamming the group chat.

You sighed knowing for your dream to become reality you had to work for it. And even though you were putting in the work to grow your platform so you could begin releasing music. Now you had to work even harder to actually produce your music. Eventually, the time came around for you to pick up your friends. So you grabbed your car keys, phone, and purse and headed out of your apartment.

You parked in front of Soojin and Minnie's shared apartment and gave 2 loud honks. After that, you sat in your car as Smack That by Akon played in the background. Not too long later the two lovely ladies appeared Minnie hopped in the front seat as Soojin opened the door to the backseat. The clock on the car said 8:49 am, You back out of the driveway and make your way to campus. It really wasn't a far drive but you were a punctual person and you wanted a good parking spot.

"You sure you can handle ten classes a week?" Minnie asked concerned for your well-being. You were overworked at it was and you had been that way since you were 16. You nodded as you focused on the road, "It's nothing I can't handle." You tried to reassure but you saw the look she gave her girlfriend in the back seat. They nodded silently as the music filled the silence in the car. 15 minutes later you were turning into the parking lot. It was slightly emptier than you expected and you managed to find a good spot.

You all left the car making your way into one of the school's many auditoriums. The place was already pretty packed but you found a small section of 3 seats next to a guy who was sitting on his phone. "Hi... Is anyone sitting here?" You ask as Soojin and Minnie stood behind you. The guy looked up at you, "No you can sit," He took a pause, "You guys freshman?" He asked you as you took your seat next to him. "Yeah we are, are you?" You ask him to be polite.

He shook his head, "Nah I'm a sophomore but I'm transferring in." He explained with a smile. "I should introduce myself, I'm Y/N and these are my friends Soojin and Minnie." You say as Minnie nudged Soojin to say hello and waved. "Nice to meet you, My name’s Jeongin, but you can call me I.N."

taglist: @seungseung-minmin

[severusforsnape]

Defense against the dark Assistant part 2

*slow burn* Severus Snape X Reader

Part 2 

“I adore you in all aspects, You are the most beautiful creature I have ever seen.” The words fell out of his mouth like vomit. He stood up and covered his mouth with his palm. Why would he say that? His face turned beet red, his long black hair clung to his now sweating forehead. Helpless in his embarrassment he swiftly walked out of the classroom and darted out the door. You stood in disbelief and felt the broom fall from your hands onto the floor. You never would have imagined that he would have real feelings for you or any feeling at all. He was always hiding behind that desk, cloaked and expressionless, brows furrowed. 

        Severus sat in his chambers with his head in his hands. He had told the truth, but at what cost? He knew he’d ruined whatever professional relationship he had with you. What was he supposed to do now? Say sorry? Tell Dumbledore he wants you off his service? 

       The next day you walked slowly to the professor's classroom. Every step you took your heart beat faster, not knowing what you would say or do once you got there. As you approached the door you stopped and waited. You held your hand to your chest almost as if to stop your heart from escaping. You needed a plan. “I can hear you breathing out there...” You suppose a plan is out of the question now. As you quietly step into the classroom, the professor doesn't even look up.’ He's just going to ignore me?’ You think. You walk over to the front row of desks and grab your papers to grade for the day. “Severus, about yesterday I-” “I Think it's best we don't speak today y/n” he said, still not even looking at you. Your chest felt heavy. You wished you had never slipped him the serum. 

        The next two weeks were agony. Severus didn’t speak to you at all, nor you to him. You just graded papers, cleaned, filled out paperwork, and left. One day you decided you'd had enough. You needed to confide in someone. Minerva was the one teacher you were closest with. She was kind and understanding with a hint of humor. You made her promise to keep the situation to herself. 

“Did he really say that?” she asked. “I'm surprised at him. I wish he would just let himself be happy. Do you feel the same way for him?”

 “I'm not sure” you said “I feel something but I don't know what it is because he wont open up to me.”

“Well, I've known him for a long time and he has always closed himself off. I have a feeling he has taken a liking to you but won't let himself show it. You need to talk to him”

            Minerva’s words ran through your head as you walked back to snape's classroom. “I brought you some tea.” You sat the cup in front of him and returned to your grading. 

“Thank you y/n”

He looked you in the eye. You felt his gaze over your whole body. 

“I'm sorry for what I said before…” He immediately looked down and resumed his work.

There went your heart again. 

“Please don't apologize…I-... I want you to know I’m very fond of you.”

He looked up at you again and nodded. 

Things felt better between the two of you. Yet your heart still ached for some reason.

[stellafrin]

It's New Year's Eve and I'm now a year older.

Right, now's the time to talk about future plans? Resolutions? Boastings? Whatever you wanna call it.

I guess I'll start with a retrospective sorta thing tho.

This past year for me feels like nothing and everything has happened.

I didn't end up getting any real progress done on my personal projects past March.

I also ended up starting another extended hiatus after finishing ISaT. I did end up popping back in for October to stream Mouthwashing and Slay the Princess but have since gone back on hiatus for the time being.

Related to why that first hiatus started, I finally got myself a therapist and am also now properly medicated for my ADHD again so I'm able to focus for the first time in ages. But I've been far too focused on IRL stuff to work on any of my projects.

I have atleast been trying to be better at relaxing and not over working myself, neither with my projects nor from DD. (The reason I stopped working on anything in March may or may not be related to the fact that I accidentally burned myself out again... oops.)

Speaking of IRL(ish), back in March I caught myself calling myself by something and a few weeks later decided to start testing it out with friends, about a month ago I decided I'm gonna stick with it for real and started the process to get my name changed!

Unrelated to any of that, for a while I've been watching some shows with friends in a server. We'd have some long running show going once a week (we finished Adventure Time towards the beginning of the year, started DragonBall, around Sep/Oct finished it up and moved onto Z) and people were open to watch some shorter shows whenever.

Back in May, the show that my friend Mizzy decided to share was Madoka Magica, and over those 4 weeks of slowly watching threw this show, I unlocked an ancient love for this series including 2 OCs I had completely and utterly forgotten about. (I need to write down these girls' story at some point, would be a good excuse to try and start drawing again too.)

In the midst of finishing Madoka, my family came back to town for a Con and while here my older sister decided to watch Dungeon Meshi with me and our 2 younger siblings.

After finishing both shows, I needed to watch more...

I decided to go looking to see what anime I had been putting off that could be accessed easily and found that Bocchi the Rock was completely free on Crunchyroll and ended up bingeing the whole show.

Next was Frieren... which I caved and subbed to CR when I realized only the first 3 EN episodes were free (which I had already watched) and I needed more.

I remembered a show that an anime YouTuber I watch recommended earlier in the year so I went to check it out. It was interesting, wouldn't recommended it to anyone without a million caveats tho. (No I won't share it's name, if you already know then you know.)

Around this point was the beginning of the new anime season and I ended up getting into Mayonaka Punch and VTuber Legend at around episode 3, keeping up with them as they aired. (I think the last time I was keeping up with anime live was early pandemic when I was still watching MHA before I dropped it because I was bored.)

I desperately needed to find people who were talking about these shows because the conversation was essentially dead back on twitter, and thus, I got dragged back into using this godforsaken site consistently again for the first time in ages. (The tag system is just so good at keeping track of things and doesn't actively take up space in a post like on twitter, it's perfect for fandom)

It is now too late, I've gotten back into anime/manga. There is no going back.

...

Uh

This was supposed to be a retrospective wasn't it?

Like 2/3 of it is anime talk

Fuck

There's gonna be so much shit I need to cut for the bluesky version, fuck

......

Anyway

Future Plans! Resolutions!!! BOASTING!!!!!!

I WILL FINISH MY LOWPOLY 3D MODEL!!!!!!

I have so many cool VTubing mutuals I want to get to know more and possibly be friends with. I will attempt to reach out to people more (crippling social anxiety be damned)

By July I want to be back to streaming atleast once a week and keep it up for atleast 3 months.

I want to stop just being an observer on the sidelines like I have been for ages. I will make something! Wether it be,

Editing down my voice work from the ISaT streams or doing some more voice work for some other characters I think might be fun,

Writing out either my VTubing lore, my pmmm OCs info and story, the Frieren OC I ended up creating after finishing the show, or something related to ancient AU ideas for random fandoms I used to be active on the sidelines of eons ago,

Attempt to start drawing again,

Or even write, script, and edit at least one single video!

...I can't think of anything else... welp time to schedule this and pass the fuck out. I'll figure out how I'll chop this up for bluesky after I'm done working.

[hollowthatfollowssme]

✩｡:*•.❁ Welcome To My Blog❁.•*:｡✩

About Me Height: 5’2” HW: 182-lbs

CW:126.6-lbs

UGW: 105-lbs

I am 26 y/o college graduate who works full-time. Was recovered for a while but relapsed in 2021 after hitting HW. I got married April 2024 to the love of my life. I am Gluten Intolerant and have a very sensitive stomach. I love K-pop, fashion, kitting, early 2000s TV, cooking, fitness, smoking weed, and anything related to online tea. Absolutely obsessed with trying new diet soda flavors. I have been disordered since the age of 15 and have gone through ana, mia, and BED over the years Proudly Self Harm free since 2018!

What's the Point of This Blog?

When I relapsed in 2021, I discovered pro-ana forums for the first time and I learned that there is a sub-section of proana that is actually pro-harm reduction. I resonated with it because I am not ready for help nor is it an option without losing my job and everything I worked hard for. I feel like I have no choice but to manage my symptoms and reduce the harm to my health the best I can on my own, and I am FAR from being the only person with an ED who feels like this. Many of us have a lot to lose if we seek treatment and that very fact prevents us from seeking help. The next best thing we can do for ourselves is change how we see and interact with disordered thoughts. Instead of starving yourself because you want to disappear, what if you tried to slowly and steadily lose weight so that you can do something you always denied yourself, something that you always told yourself you weigh too much to do? I know from experience, that losing weight quick and dirty only makes you feel worse and DOESN'T LAST once you start to eat "normally" again. Sustainable lifestyle changes are the only way to prevent loose skin, stay on track with a bingeing problem, and keep your metabolism and hormones from going out of wack, (reducing the negative symptoms and long-term health effects of ED.) If you don't believe it's possible, I have lost over 60+lbs while struggling with Bingeing over the course 18 months and have maintained that loss for about 1 year with absolutely no period regain. I went from a US dress size 14 to a size 6 and in the last year that I have stayed 120lbs, I now fit into a size 4 from body recomposition.

How Did You Do It?

1. Address negative thoughts when you can, when you say sweeping statements like "I always mess up" or "Everyone hates me" Challenge those thoughts with facts. Is that really true or does it just feel that way in the moment? Be honest with yourself. Motivation is always coming and going and you can't rely on self-hate to keep you on your diet, people who hate themselves rarely take good care of themselves and stay on track.

2. You don't have to eat low res to lose weight, instead create a proper and sustainable calorie deficit. Use this link to find your BMR and look at the activity level to see how many calories you really burn in a day, most anas underestimate this number. Whatever that BMR number is, subtract 500 calories, this will give you the amount you can eat and still lose 1 lb per week! 3500cals of deficit = 1 lb of loss. 1 lb per week sounds slow but having consistent loss week after week is so healing for someone who has alot of ups and downs emotionally from weight fluxs. If that sounds like you, give slower loss a shot! 3. Stop punishing yourself and find things that you enjoy instead. If you are taking away food to punish yourself or using increased exercise to punish yourself, you are actively sabotaging the only things that help you with weight loss. If you use those things as punishments, you are less likely to want to do them AT ALL. It's so important to find an enjoyable exercise that you look forward to and that relieves stress. Exercise is there to help you maintain your health/weight and using it as a punishment takes all the joy away from it and makes it into a chore you dread and avoid. Instead of taking away food, focus on buying higher quality food in smaller portions, you will find it tastes better and you look forward to planning your meals around those ingredients. 4. Eat high volume low calorie whole foods. Alot of packaged "health" food is just as bad as junk food, they just put a trendy-looking design on the package and the word "natural" slapped on it. before you buy or eat anything you need to be looking at the label on the back. If you want to feel more satisfied with your meals, try to get at least 60g of protein a day and avoid food that is calorically dense especially when you don't have access to a food scale. Try to eat more foods that contain one ingredient and when eating a full meal, try to fill your plate with 2 large servings of vegetables, one serving of protein, and one small serving of a grain or starchy vegetable. This ratio of food helps you feel full and keeps the calories low! If you have any more questions feel free to use my inbox! If you need help to reduce harm and feel like you are beyond helping yourself, please get help from a trusted loved one. Your well-being is worth more than what ever trouble you might get in asking for help. Nothing you did could ever warrant or make you deserve to not live. You are worthy of love and good health and I hope this helps you get a step closer to that.

[recurring-polynya]

Writing/Art Update 2.27.2024

I met all three of my goals for last week, which is good, I guess. Number one was to stop being manic about my stupid fanfic, which I did, but I half-regret, because maybe I would be done by now, if I had just shot the anxiety curl, but that's neither here nor there, I suppose. I did finish Chapter 9a, and sent Chapters 7 and 8 to the beta, which were the other things I said I wanted to do. I, in fact, managed to make a dent in Chapter 9c, as well (Chapter 9b is like a little interlude thing, which may or may not get subsumed into Chapter 9c, depending on how long it comes out)

I am so close to being done, and I feel like it ought to be easy to push it over the finish line, but it hasn't. I've been feeling pretty down on it for the last few days. I'm not super-happy with the way the last few chapters have been turning out, but on the other hand, I'm not sure I have any way to make them better. I think a lot of it may just be that I have been working on this fanfic for so long that I'm kinda sick of it. :\

I took a little bit of a break today--I finished a book I was reading, and I made sort of a rough draft version of a banner, mostly because I'm still trying to nail down the title from a couple of different variations, and I was hoping that seeing it visually would be helpful. Based on that, the current frontrunner is Damage History (the other two options are Past Damage and Prior Damage, please feel free to tell me if you have any opinions).

I just did the math and apparently I crossed the six figure mark this week: the thing currently stands at 100,731 words (+7,004 for last week...really? How did I manage that???) I have two and a half scenes left to go, one of which is supposed to be short and one of which is the epilogue. There's also at least one scene that I'll probably try to rewrite a bit, I dunno. I guess the goal for next week is to finish the thing??? All of this feels extremely unreal.

Anyway, you've all been incredibly patient with me, so here's another preview. This is from one of the flashbacks in Chapter 2, and if it seems vaguely familiar, it's because it's one of the parts that got spun out of the old Renji-breaks-an-arm story.

---

Much like Kitajima himself, the shop had looked a lot better the last time Renji had seen it. There was dust and cobwebs everywhere. Most of the shelves were half-empty. 

"Take off your shirt," Kitajima instructed, dragging out a stool for Renji to sit on. 

"All the damage is below the elbow," Renji said quietly.

"Oh, look who's a medic now," the old man burbled.

Renji took off his shirt.

Kitajima pressed one of his clammy hands in the space between Renji's shoulder blades. A cold, nasty feeling bled down Renji's arm. He wanted to vomit. After a few moments, Kitajima felt his way down Renji's arm, squeezing at his flesh and shooting painful little sparks into his nerves. When the old rat snake got past the elbow, his fingers pressed against the end of the broken bone and Renji nearly passed out. 

"Hey! You're hurting him!" Rukia barked, bracing her entire weight against Renji's shoulder in an attempt to keep him upright.

Kitajima ignored her.

It wasn't pain, not exactly. Well. It was painful, but it was more like Renji's body was burning through all of his energy as quickly as possible. It felt like dying.

Kitajima finished his palpitations, then fetched something from one of his dusty jars. "Eat this," he said, pressing it into Renji's hand.

Renji remembered these things all too well. He'd eaten a lot of them during the period when he was working for Kitajima. It was a pill made up of mashed rice and various dried roots and seeds. They weren't the tastiest thing in the world, but they packed a lot of energy and they lasted forever. He bit into it gingerly.

“As I told you the last time you were here,” the old man growled, “you have the demon magic in you. The shinigami use it to cast spells, but also to push their bodies past what is normally possible. Like a fool, you have done this without proper training. You have broken and healed yourself simultaneously, but with no skill, and you have made a hash of it.”

“I wasn’t trying,” Renji excused. 

“Can you repair it?” Rukia pressed.

“I can rebreak it,” Kitajima replied.

[disco-elysium-via-polls]

2. A sprig of fresh mint.

MEDICINAL PURPOSES OF THE PALE - Next, you'll need to combine the base ingredient with an appropriate vehicle.

3. Mash it into a paste with some aloe vera extract.

MEDICINAL PURPOSES OF THE PALE - Lastly, is there anything else you'd like to add?

A few pomegranate seeds.

MEDICINAL PURPOSES OF THE PALE - The mint and aloe vera make this poultice ideal for soothing inflammation and minor burns. It won't do anything for your hangover, though.

+5 XP

ENDURANCE [Medium: Success] - Be that as it may, it might have been useful to have such a thing for the trials you'll soon be facing. It's a shame you can't get your hands on these ingredients.

MEDICINAL PURPOSES OF THE PALE - Would you like to try again?

Yeah, let's try again.

No, this stuff is all a bunch of hooey anyway. (Close the book.)

MEDICINAL PURPOSES OF THE PALE - Very well. First, choose a base ingredient.

Ginger root.

MEDICINAL PURPOSES OF THE PALE - Next, you'll need to combine the base ingredient with an appropriate vehicle.

2. Boil it with a tea made from birch bark.

MEDICINAL PURPOSES OF THE PALE - Lastly, is there anything else you'd like to add?

3. Some wild ginseng root.

MEDICINAL PURPOSES OF THE PALE - The ginger root will help with the nausea and the birch bark tea will help you flush out the toxins. The ginseng should give you more energy, as a nice bonus.

CONCEPTUALIZATION [Medium: Success] - The very thought of this tea causes your muscles to relax and your mind to clear. You're more present and in control than you were a moment ago.

+1 Morale

Mmmm. (Savour the feeling a moment longer.)

Alright, time to get back to work. (Close the book.)

MEDICINAL PURPOSES OF THE PALE - A tingle rushes down your spine and you feel your toes uncurl. If only it could always be like this.

2. I think I just want some general health advice.

MEDICINAL PURPOSES OF THE PALE - Have you taken any walks through the pale recently?

Yes, twice a week.

Maybe?

MEDICINAL PURPOSES OF THE PALE - And on your walks, do you stop to meditate on the nature of your being?

Totally. Every time.

No, I don't.

MEDICINAL PURPOSES OF THE PALE - You need to do that. It's important for opening up your agiogenous zones.

At the Remote Viewers Division we're trained to keep our agiogenous zones maximally dilated.

What are agiogenous zones?

Okay, that's enough. (Close the book.)

MEDICINAL PURPOSES OF THE PALE - Remote Viewers Division? What kind of woo-woo shit is that?

This book contains serious ancient wisdom, not whacko conspiracy theories. If you don't respect it, it will never reveal its secrets.

2. What are agiogenous zones?

MEDICINAL PURPOSES OF THE PALE - They're a series of psychic nodes located throughout your body. Unfortunately, the stresses of modern life often cause us to close off our agiogenous zones, which can result in all manner of physical and psychic ailments...

Regular meditation in the pale, however, can help to open up these zones, permitting the freeflow of psychic energy throughout the body.

Oh… then I do, very much so. I meditate *all the time*.

That's just ridiculous. (Close the book.)

MEDICINAL PURPOSES OF THE PALE - Good. And when you meditate, are you in the nude?

Oh, yeah. Buck naked.

What? No.

MEDICINAL PURPOSES OF THE PALE - Nudity is the most important part. Of the many ways modern society prevents our true selves from manifesting, clothing may be the most repressive...

You probably can't even take off your pants, can you?

AUTHORITY [Easy: Success] - Nor should you. Nudity is *shameful*. No officer of the law should ever be caught *sans pantalones*.

Oh god, you're right. I *can't* take my pants off!

I could, I just don't feel like it.

I could, but Kim's here.

MEDICINAL PURPOSES OF THE PALE - Your partner is even more repressed than you are. It would do you both a world of good to spend a little more time getting in touch with your bodies.

KIM KITSURAGI - You glance over at the lieutenant, who is standing, as usual, with his hands neatly folded behind his back. What he's thinking about, if he's thinking about anything at all, is absolutely opaque to you.

3. [Put the book away.]

Alright. Now there really *is* nothing left for us to do but go to the island.

ROO A72 MOTOR SKIFF - A skiff with a small steering engine in the back floats on the calm mirror of the sea. Its two seats are empty.

PERCEPTION (SIGHT) [Legendary: Success] - The boat's belly is a shiny yellow colour, industrial paint over fresh tar. You see it reflect off the water, along with the factory number: A72.

INLAND EMPIRE [Trivial: Success] - Once you get in, that's it -- one pull of the starter handle and you're off into the bay. A strange trepidation comes over you: are you sure you want to go *now*?

SAVOIR FAIRE [Easy: Success] - Have you made all the necessary preparations? Closed all your accounts?

LOGIC [Trivial: Success] - Remember what the Net Picker said: It's a small tank. You won't be going back and forth on this.

We're ready.

"You take the engine, Kim. I'll hold the boombox."

Get in and ride to the island.

(I'm not ready yet.) [Leave.]

KIM KITSURAGI - "What?"

"What 'what'? How else do we blast *Sad FM* on our way to the island?"

"You heard me. Don't make me repeat myself."

Say nothing.

KIM KITSURAGI - "Fine." He gives you resigned shrug. "Let's *blast* Sad FM then."

ENCYCLOPEDIA [Easy: Success] - Sad FM is a radio station specializing in sad, slow rock songs. You seem to know its frequency by heart.

2. Get in and ride to the island.

🎵 Burn, Baby, Burn

ROO A72 MOTOR SKIFF - The boat comes to a slow stop. You turn the engine off -- then there's silence.

PERCEPTION (HEARING) [Medium: Success] - In the silence -- a sputter of wings. A flock of quails takes off in the distance...

SHIVERS [Challenging: Success] - There is very little wind here today. The ghost is standing still. You look at your arms, then the cliffs above you...

KIM KITSURAGI - "Let's go." He whispers.

Task complete: Go to the island

+10 XP

[Climb out.]

🎵 Sea Fort

A makeshift bridge. The bombs were powerful enough to break the foundation.

The rusted chain trails off into the ocean...

INTERFACING - The chain trails off into the ocean, connecting the island to the supply depot on the coast.

(Point to it.) "This leads to the depot in Land's End."

[Finish thought.]

KIM KITSURAGI - The lieutenant looks at the mechanism overhead. "Ah, yes... so it seems."

"What do you think it was used for?"

KIM KITSURAGI - "For bringing munitions to the island, maybe? And supplies. You could also *lock* the bay, when you raise the chain."

VISUAL CALCULUS [Easy: Success] - As a defensive measure locking off that side of the bay.

3. "Lock it from whom?"

KIM KITSURAGI - "From enemies." He looks up ahead. "Enemies of the Commune of Revachol. This seafort was a revolutionary fortification, I believe..."

+5 XP

4. [Finish thought.]

These tyres are falling apart. They're at least 50 years old.

That's as far as we can get this way. Let's go up the stairs.

These stairs feel ancient... soldiers' feet ran up them long ago.

There's a lingering trace of mazut in the air.

"ATTENTION - INFLAMMABLE"

Some fuel has leaked out of the barrel. Black, viscous.

PERCEPTION (HEARING) - The dry grass crackles under your feet as you stop. Far away birds' wings touch the still surface of the sea...

What is that flutter?

[Stop listening.]

PERCEPTION (HEARING) - The flock of quail departs; now more than a hundred metres away... a hundred and two... a hundred and five...

Underneath the flutter...

PERCEPTION (HEARING) - On the islet? There is almost no wind, just snow quietly falling on the reeds. Bulrushes swaying on the waterline, long dried leaves chafing against each other.

CONCEPTUALIZATION [Medium: Success] - Like a silent orchestra tuning -- at the beginning of some major work.

SHIVERS [Medium: Success] - Of great importance to the few who attend.

To the west...

To the east...

Beyond that... further north...

"Kim..."

[Open your eyes, stop listening.]

PERCEPTION (HEARING) - A silent hiss, sea air moving through the needles of a pine tree.

2. To the east...

PERCEPTION (HEARING) - The far away roar of the city, distant like today's dream. Before it, the sound of sand. The low tide filtered through its grains... a bird tending to its feathers.

Snow falls on the water, melting away without even a whisper.

3. Ahead…

PERCEPTION (HEARING) - A low hum. The air slowly moves through a concrete box -- through its ancient slits and cracks. Resonating. Hollow. A big building.

4. Beyond that… further north…

PERCEPTION (HEARING) - Air flows out of a pillbox window. There is very little there. The air cossets flowers on a meadow? Absolute silence. Reeds motionless. Bulrushes motionless.

A flake of snow falls on an extinguished camp-fire. Hiss…

5. Below the silence?

PERCEPTION (HEARING) - Col Do Ma Ma Daqua.

+5 XP

INLAND EMPIRE [Easy: Success] - We are way out now... Way out in the West.

LOGIC [Medium: Success] - No, it's just your imagination. You can't hear such things.

6. "Kim..."

KIM KITSURAGI - "Yes?"

"It's pretty silent on this island."

"Have you noticed how quiet it is?"

"It's really fucking silent on this island."

KIM KITSURAGI - "I have -- is that why we're stopping?"

"Sorry. Let's move." [Leave.]

"Mhm. Wait. I have to listen to one more thing."

Warm air -- from the inside of the building. It's warmer there than out here.

This barrel says: ICM. You see a star with little specks on it.

No way to get up there. The stairs are gone.

The little birch from the coin operated viewer. Still holding on.

Only way forward is into the fort.

🔊 Low Drone

This was once an armament rest.

Twin cannons were attached here. Medium distance, large calibre.

Careful. These stairs have collapsed.

Books. Mostly *fantastique* and historical fiction.

Dishes stained with sauce and fire. A survivor's kitchen.

You see candles planted on a broken rangefinder.

A moth-bitten bed sheet keeps the wind out.

FALN "ARROWER" SHIRT

+1 Hand/Eye Coordination: Sleeveless aim

This FALN training shirt has seen one wash too many. It retains its unusual design -- one sleeve short, the other long -- but little of its original colours. A giant 'F' swooshes across its chest, now in grey.

Hey, that's the full FALN set. Let's put it on.

COMPOSURE - O glorious Falnier! You wear the full set like a true-born hero. The *ULTIMATE PERFORMANCE* of FALN flows in you.

I feel... so *dynamic*.

I look so *futuristic*.

It's like I can do anything. *ANYTHING*!

COMPOSURE - You are the most *Ultra* of men. Peak performance!

Go on! The fucking sunset awaits, FALN rider!

ARMY SURPLUS WINTER SCARF

+2 Empathy: Plight of the underclass -1 Composure: Sucks to be poor

This towy old scarf itches when wrapped around the neck. It has *humanitarian aid* written all over it. Yet you know that thousands all over the isola are suffering the same fate as you -- the fate of uncomfortable army surplus scarves.

READING MATERIALS - Books and magazines lie scattered on the floor and on a makeshift cupboard. They are not particularly well organized.

Sift through them.

[Leave.]

READING MATERIALS - Most are softcovers: serialized *fantastique* and detective stories from the Twenties and Thirties. This disparate digest includes the classic 'Animal Adventures'.

ENCYCLOPEDIA [Medium: Success] - Popular depictions of man-versus-nature by amateur naturalists T. and T. Harpin (husband and wife). Widely read by people from all walks of life. Who doesn't like nature? Who doesn't want to *survive*?

READING MATERIALS - Among what is mostly commercial fiction and serialized stories, you find a 'Magazine Cathodique' for electrical engineering. Then it's back to pulp: light erotica, an international thriller about circuit benders...

KIM KITSURAGI - "Someone's made themselves a home." The lieutenant inspects a softcover.

[Conceptualization - Heroic 15] Does anything stand out as unusual?

[Leave.]

+1 All things communist.

CONCEPTUALIZATION [Heroic: Failure] - Not that you can tell. This is a digest of someone who's dead bored. Most of it is for entertainment purposes, fittingly right next to the *radiola* on the floor.

Nothing? Nothing out of the ordinary?

Okay.

CONCEPTUALIZATION - Maybe it's a little old-fashioned? There's a nude mag? More than that, you can't say.

VISUAL CALCULUS [Medium: Success] - Hmm... the print in some of these is pretty small though. This person has good eyesight.

Damn, and our Conceptualization is maxed out, so we can't try again. ...maybe I can get more bonuses?

RHETORIC - This hat is so soft, so warm. It wraps around your head... and your mind tingles with all manner of socio-economic theory.

This is an *ushanka*, right? (Pat the hat.)

Oops, it's a fashion faux pas! [Discard the thought -- and the hat.]

RHETORIC - Kras Mazov would have worn this ushanka. Mazov knew where to cook those thoughts, that's why it bears a Mazovian logo.

Glory to the Revolution, comrade! Whether you like it or not, wearing this hat has made you more communist.

+1 Communism

[Conceptualization - Heroic 15] Does anything stand out as unusual?

+1 All things communist. +2 Dresscode: Winter revolutionary.

CONCEPTUALIZATION [Heroic: Success] - Oh yes. Under the bed, there is a rather extensive collection of *critical theory* -- that is: dour, life-non-affirming left wing literature -- published by small imprints such as Abattoir Firm and Ousia. It's not exactly light reading.

[underforeversgrace]

the walls you hide behind (I saw the truth inside the real you) - 2

title: the walls you hide behind (I saw the truth inside the real you)

words: 1,729

Story Summary: Jazz is tired of the ghosts, tired of her parents not doing enough, tired of Phantom's recklessness and her brother's persistent exhaustion. When she yells all of her frustration at her parents after nearly getting killed by a ghost, she gets sent to Vlad's mansion in Wisconsin for the weekend - where she's offered a chance. She could have the ability to fight back, protect her brother and her town. Jazz leaps at the prospect. When she returns to Amity Park at the end of the weekend, it's with abilities and strength of her own, and she's fueled by anger and disdain. And she's got her eyes, first, on Danny Phantom.

Chapter 2 of 10: Taking All My Will Just to Run Alone

AO3

Tumblr Chapter One

Tumblr Chapter Three

Jazz wasn’t sure how long she cried, only that she’d long since run out of tears. Her eyes burned, her throat felt like she’d swallowed glass, her whole body throbbed with a dull ache as a headache pounded in her skull. The ever present chill made her shiver.

And the whole time, no one came to check on her.

She’d long since stopped crying when there was a knock at her door and her mom poked her head in. “Sweetheart, can we talk?”

Jazz just rolled over, facing the wall and putting her back to her mother. She knew she was behaving like a petulant teenager, but at this point, she didn’t care.

Maddie sighed and made her way to Jazz, sitting down beside her, the mattress sinking under her weight.

“I understand why you’re upset,” Maddie said. “Our work isn’t very traditional, nor are our methods. But we are passionate about it. That’s what I wanted out of life - to spend everyday doing something I loved. But, that’s also what I want you to have. And that just… isn’t possible in Amity Park anymore.”

Jazz sat up, staring at her. “Why does it sound like you’re sending me away?”

“We’re not!” Maddie quickly said. “But we did call Vlad. If you want a few days of normal, you can go up there for the weekend. It isn’t a permanent solution, but until we figure something else out…” she paused, looking at the floor. “It’s the best we could come up with. Give you some reprieve from the ghosts. This weekend is a long weekend, so it’s a good time.”

Jazz arched an eyebrow at her mother. She’d only met Vlad - the man for whom her middle name was a homage to - a few weeks ago, during the reunion where Jack had gotten possessed. Vlad had reassured them nothing like that had ever happened in his mansion before, it was probably a ghost following them from Amity to get them while they didn’t have the ‘home field advantage.’

“I’ll go,” Jazz said, laying back down. She wondered if she could convince Vlad to just adopt her and Danny, he surely had the money to, and enough lawyers to railroad her parents for a few years. She couldn’t leave Danny, but she also couldn’t keep living like this.

Her mother stared at her then pressed her lips into a thin line. If she’d been expecting Jazz to argue or apologize, she was going to be sorely disappointed.

The next day found Jazz packing a weekend bag and waiting for Vlad’s limo to arrive.

“Jazz!” Danny yelled from the front door, running to her. “Mom and Dad just told me! You can’t go to Vlad’s!”

The urgency in his voice surprised her. “Why?”

“Because he’s ev- uh, because his house is haunted! And that ghost nearly hurt Dad when we were there.”

Jazz shrugged. “Amity Park is haunted, too, and I have been hurt here. It’s just for the weekend. I’ll be back.”

Danny looked like he was about to argue but was interrupted as a sleek black limo pulled up in front of FentonWorks. Jazz waved at the driver, picking her bag up and tossing it over her shoulder. She grabbed Danny, pulling him into a tight hug.

“Jazz, don’t go,” he pleaded, grabbing her hand when she pulled away.

“Come with me,” Jazz answered. “We can get out of this town, we can get out of danger, we can get away from our parents and ghosts. Come with me.”

Danny shook his head. “I can’t, I…” Danny trailed off, unsure how to finish the sentence.

The driver honked his horn impatiently.

“Please be careful, Jazz,” Danny said, finally relinquishing her hand.

“It’s just Vlad’s. It’s safer than Amity.”

“If only,” Danny muttered under his breath. “I’ll see you when you come home, then?”

“Of course,” Jazz said, pulling him into a quick one armed hug as the driver honked again. “I’ll see you later!”

Jazz waved to her brother and hurried to the limo. “Hi! I’m Jazz!” She introduced herself, settling into the back seat. The driver - who looked a little too pale, he really needed more sun - just grunted in acknowledgment.

Realizing she wasn’t going to get more than that, Jazz pulled one of the several books she’d brought and got comfortable, letting herself get engrossed.

When was the last time she’d managed to sit and just read for this long without being interrupted by a ghost attacking or her parents blowing something up?

In no time at all, the driver was pulling in front of Vlad’s mansion. Jazz looked at her watch in confusion. Huh, she thought this drive would take at least three hours longer than it did. She wouldn’t complain!

Vlad was waiting for her in front of the door, a welcoming smile on his face. “Jasmine! It is good to see you again.”

“Hi, Uncle Vlad!” She said, handing off her bag to the servant who asked for it. He was too pale as well. Did these people just have an aversion to the sun?

“Please, just call me Vlad, none of this uncle nonsense,” he said, pushing the door open and gesturing for her to go first.

“Then call me Jazz,” she answered. He followed behind her, closing the door with a heavy thud.

“Certainly, Jazz,” he said smoothly.

“Thanks for letting me stay here for a few days, Vlad.” Jazz said, Vlad leading her to what looked like a sitting room and gesturing for her to sit on a plump couch. She sat down and determined she’d never sat on anything more comfortable than this.

“Not a problem, my dear! Maddie said you needed some time away and here seemed a perfect choice. May I ask, however, what it was that led to this little vacation?” He asked, sitting opposite her.

“Ghosts,” she answered, rolling her eyes at the ridiculousness. “I just… the ghosts are too much and my parents do nothing to actually stop it! We’re getting attacked constantly.”

“Don’t you have that one ghost… ah, Inviso-bill, I believe he’s called?” Vlad asked, motioning to a servant to bring some tea.

“He changed his name to Phantom a few months back,” Jazz corrected. “Went straight up to a reporter talking about an event happening, and told everyone his name was Danny Phantom.”

“Really? He even gave a first name?” Vlad said, a look of idle surprise on his face.

“Yep. And of course it’s my brother’s name!” Jazz said, suddenly angry again as she remembered the arguments her parents had had about trying to find the ghost’s human identity. She was interrupted from ranting further when the servant reappeared, teacup and saucer in either hand. He handed one off to Vlad before giving Jazz hers.

“It’s jasmine. The tea, I mean. I couldn’t resist,” Vlad chuckled.

“You’re just as bad as my brother,” she said with a groan and a smile.

“Anyway, my dear. Your story?”

Jazz blew gently on the steaming tea. “That was pretty much it. I’m tired of the ghosts. I’m tired of my parents. I’m tired of seeing Danny so afraid all the time. And then Phantom’s stupid dog stepped on my car and crushed it… I could’ve died and my parents didn’t care.” She squeezed her eyes shut but tears still escaped.

“Ah,” Vlad said, sounding very much like a bachelor in his forties who didn’t know how to handle a crying teenage girl. “Well, you’re, ah, safe here?”

“Thank you,” Jazz said, wiping the tears from her cheeks. “I just… I wish there was more I could do, y’know? To stop the ghosts, stop Phantom, stop all of it.” She fixed her gaze on him. “Could you adopt us? I need to get Danny out of that house.”

“Jasmine, as much as I hate to admit it, your parents are technically competent. Besides, Daniel has… made it quite clear he wouldn’t live here. He is not entirely fond of me.”

Jazz frowned, remembering the way Danny had nearly begged her to stay. “Why doesn’t he like you? He was really adamant that I not come here, now that you mention it…”

“Ah, he may have… learned a secret of mine and taken it rather personally.” Vlad answered, smiling apologetically.

“May I ask what that secret was?” Jazz asked, both curious and worried.

Vlad sighed. “He will likely tell you himself at some point anyway - teenage boys are not known for keeping secrets. But, please, Jasmine, you can’t tell anyone, it could ruin me, and my friendship with your parents.” Genuine distress was on his face and he was fidgeting more than he had been.

“Uh… okay. Your secret is safe with me.” Jazz said.

“Thank you, Jasmine. Uh, Jazz,” he corrected. “The truth is… I never gave up ghosts like your parents thought I did. I just… preferred doing it on my own, especially after the accident Jack caused.”

Jazz’s heart sank. She’d tried to run away from the ghosts, not towards more. “You, too?” She whispered, staring into her tea in defeat. Normalcy, that was all she wanted. Tears burned in her eyes again.

“I… I may have an idea, for you.” Vlad said hesitantly. “I know Daniel will never move here, and that your parents would never leave Amity or their portal. But… what if you could fight back?”

Jazz scoffed. “I can’t hit a ghost, Vlad.”

“What if you could?” He pressed. 

She paused, chewing on her lip while she thought. What would she do? She couldn’t disable the portal. She couldn’t force her parents to see sense. Honestly, if she could fight ghosts, she’d have to keep that knowledge from her parents. They’d be insufferable otherwise. She took a sip of her tea.

A phantom pain slid up her back from where she’d been slammed into a car by another phantom when she swallowed.

“I’d fight.” She finally answered. “Protect the city from my family’s mistakes, protect Danny especially. Teach the ghosts to stay away or suffer the consequences. Stop Phantom and any other specter who got too close.”

Vlad sent her a weary smile. “I have an idea, then. It… it isn’t ideal, but it’s something.”

“What’s the idea?”

“Follow me,” he said, setting his empty teacup down on the table. Jazz placed her half full one next to it.

[ocean-anchored]

Dear Future Self... June 13, 2023

I’ve been procrastinating hard.  I don’t know why, it’s not like life hasn’t been good, I think I’ve just been on a high and go go go the last several months that I don’t spend too much time sitting and thinking. Allowing myself to fully feel out my thoughts, to process or anything. I have these quick thoughts that come in and pass through. I think of things that I want to make note of and write for my update but it’s like a sentence, it’s not an emotion. It’s not deep, it’s just as though I’m writing out an event or something that happened rather than the emotion behind how I felt.  Anywhoo. Vegas won tonight! I watched the game and they absolutely destroyed. What an amazing team and season, they totally deserved it and I’m so stoked for them. Work has been going well. It’s been slow and not busy with Danny’s side, I haven’t been working too much honestly but I’m trying to now with some extra time to accumulate hours and keep the income. I paid my taxes for last year which was just under $3K which wasn’t too bad. I created a Business Number today and now have to figure out how to get a GST number next. Work with Ed has been great still. Learning a lot and things are always changing which keeps me on my toes. The direction is endless, there’s so many ways and routes and channels he’s going but I still thoroughly enjoy it and am really blessed to be working for him. I want to spend a little more time in listening and understanding the things he’s teaching. Our last friday training lunch was about Self, Other and Context as well as the OD/Work Culture ring he designed about where to fit in, internally or externally. Understanding more on looking at Self, Other and Context to become a better assistant to him and relieve more from his plate. Everything else is going pretty good. Still had been spending a lot of time (most my nights) with Zack. I’m trying to remember the last update I gave.. I don’t know if I really did one much. Amber and Naythan met Zack two weeks ago and then Amber & I went to Jeremiahs for his birthday cocktail night which was fun. Met Daniel another australian that was hilarious. Gray’s birthday party was that sunday which I can’t believe he’s going to be 2 soon. He’s growing up so fast, I made a 2 shape out of cupcakes in a race car track theme which turned out well. Went to the driving range with Abigail last week to practice more golf, Nova turned 5 last Thursday as well. I can’t believe it, she’s my whole world. I spoiled her but she deserved it. Zack was gone that night to Sask, went paddleboarding with Amanda which was nice. It’s been good to spend time with her. We’ve been talking about going to Silverwood theme park. I really want to but part of me also doesn’t, idk why. Zack will probably be gone then anyways because his work is picking up so I won’t see him as much but I just don’t want to have to arrange and pay for Nova care, and even though she said they would “pay” for the hotel etc I don’t want to feel that burden and like I owe them. I know they wouldn’t ever make me feel that way but idk, feels too hard with my work schedule being gone 3 days and having to work nights to catch up. We’ll see, haven’t fully made a decision yet. Last weekend Zack & I helped Amber & Naythan rip down their fence, we also had Senior’s pizza which was absolutely delicious. Saw the new spiderman movie with Steven, amanda and Cloude which was really good. I’ve been getting this weird reaction or allergy to something I’m still trying to source out. I had thought it was syasilic acid face oil but I backed off that, then I thought it was my mascara, now I’m thinking its the SPF bb cream so I stopped using that. Frustrating but the last day has been a bit better and my eyes aren’t fully burning anymore. I haven’t been eating very good lately, nor have I been watching my spendings either. I also just bought a portable cooler humidifier cause its been brutally hot lately and almost unbearable to sleep. Zack and I have just been going out too much, enjoying time together. We’ve spent a lot of time together but we’re at the comfortable point of not feeling like we have to entertain each other, just want to be in the presence of the other which is nice. He really does love me and I can tell. It’s really cute how he can get jealous though, reminds me how much he cares. I still fully trust him. He’s never given me any reason or any red flag to not trust him... like legit he’s so honest and is basically me in a man with values and the importance of honesty and communication etc. Like we’ve had two instances so far with miscommunication. One was when he (oh my side tangent of how I really hate that he got back into smoking.. hope that one dies out soon. we both know he can quit but yuck) had bought cigars for us before canmore and I had made a joke which turned out to not be funny I later realized, about how he should have a lighter for all his cigarettes. He didn’t like that one and I didn’t realize thats what it was about because it was an honest joke and I wasn’t mad. He was silent on that walk, I definitely knew and felt we were off. Came back home and had tried to get him to talked. I remember the feeling, I felt gross. It was literally 2 weeks into us seeing each other just before we went to canmore and I felt miserable, I really thought he hit a switch of not wanting to be with me or something, he was so distant. I finally got him to talk cause we went outside (I get it that he felt uncomfortable with Bob in the other room & wanted privacy) and then we easily just talked about it that it was a trigger and he thought I was mad at him for some reason and my “joke” wasn’t funny which we so easily communicated after to clear things up. It was actually right after that.. I remember exactly, we were about to walk back inside and he hugged me and said he was worried about his past, he was worried that I would think of him differently and hold something against him in a way? I said “who you were before I met you is a past version of yourself, I’ve fallen for who you are today, who you are right now” and he looked at me and said I love you. Precious. Ill remember that moment forever. Anyways, second “miscommunication” was a few weeks after that (I make it sound like its far a part but we’ve literally only been together for like 6-7 weeks. A month and like a week or whatever). He was going to come over, he was super tired from work an said it would be a little bit and I said to let me know & that I was going to Newcastle to watch the Knights game till he was ready to come. Anyways, turned out that he kept pushing coming over and then said he was too tired, we didn’t really go to bed the best way, neither of us slept much and when we talked about it the day after he thought that was me saying that I wanted the night away from him by going to the pub, he didn’t know i went alone haha, but he thought I went with Cody and wanted time away from him as well as being anxious about work and stressed. We talked it through just as easy. Past that there’s been no communication issues. He’s just straight up. It’s honestly so different than Richardt.. or even anyone for that matter. Like the other week when he was away and I stayed up super late for his facetime but he never did, I admit i sent a slightly passive aggressive text at 3am when I woke up and his morning text was saying he thought I fell asleep because he called me and I didn’t answer. He even showed me after that he did try to call so idk why it didn’t come through then and he made a point that he’ll text next time. I didnt even have to ask that which is stupid and basic but just really refreshing how honest he is and how much he does try and put in effort. Hes been gone since yesterday morning and he’s made efforts to text and facetime me. He won’t be back till friday or saturday I think which sucks man. I miss him a lot. He always makes me feel so damn special though. Tells me every day how pretty I am and makes me feel like I’m the only one. He’s so easy to talk to. Like easy to feel that he can be that best friend, that kind of relationship you always want. He always makes me laugh, we have such a playful side but we still have serious conversations. Ive met a few of his friends and his coworker now. It’s actually funny how many people have told him how lucky he is to have me and how he needs to hold onto me. Like legit there must be at least 10-12 people so far, half being total strangers that we’ve talked to that have told him that, which is great for me lol. Solidifies my confidence. Man I miss him so much and it’s been not even 48 hours. Sure there’s some things that I wish like his craving for smoking again and hes very aware of how much he drinks and how much is too much but I know he enjoys drinking, I’ve enjoyed it too and I always enjoy our time out, though I’m thankful for how aware he is about all of that. Like honestly his self awareness with most things is just so attractive. It’s so refreshing and really makes for that extra layer of relationship. He hit it off with Amber and Naythan so well too, which I knew because he’s just like Naythan but it’s funny how much he talks around them which is great. We’re so on point with goals and our future too which just keeps making me question or wondering if what he’s saying is true. How much he wants to travel which is such a big part of who I am and what I desire. How important family is but understanding all aspects of what having kids entails. Like with Travis all he cared or said was he wanted kids and a family. Even when we just barley were getting by on bills and life, no savings, nothing that would support or create a healthy life and future for kids, nor even any regard for understanding the intensity and responsibility of having kids. More of the “lets just have them and figure it out” sense but Zack is so different, obviously because he has a daughter of his own so that’s a massive understanding but to be on the same page of understanding is just so nice. And his love for Nova just warms my heart, its almost like he loves her as much as I do, but he also has made comments about how he can see how much I love her and care for her which is nice. He does notice the details and the little things. Again such a huge difference especially from Richardt. Like what Zack knows about me and who I am and what I’ve come from is literal night and day to Richardt, who I was seeing for friggin what, almost 5 months? I’ve been seeing Zack for just over a month and he knows me 100x better and deeper and has put in 100x more effort. He lives in Airdrie and yet still makes continuous points to ensure that we’re both equal and that I’m still doing things I want to do, he’s always asking me what I want. Anyways, I’m getting tired and I need to text Zack to tell him how much I miss him now before bed. I do keep saying but I wanted to get better at writing and not missing all the little things. Writing more emotion in my posts of reflecting. I know I posted a note a few weeks ago probably before my last update which was from that night of when I went to Newcastle and Zack didn’t end up coming over and our miscommunication and it’s still good to write that out. I was in fear and I was feeling so vulnerable and it’s ok. What’s different from that versus what and how I used to write these posts about Richardt or even Travis was the mere fact that what I was writing was red flags. I was silently acknowledging the issues and hoping that they would resolve over time rather than seeing it was a flag that hey this isn’t a good thing and won’t necessarily change. Whereas with Zack it’s my fear of loosing him and being vulnerable and hurt again. I don’t actually believe he would hurt me and I trust him 100.  More to come... as well as getting back into shadow work... also really want to pick that back up again. Catch ya in a week.. or two.