#i just want to eat a sandwich man

[sombra7567]

*drops stack of notes on your desk* YES I DID, AND I FINISHED A FEW SIDE QUESTS TOO-

I have questions, comments, an issue, and a few random thoughts if you can stand my chaos, good sir...

The question: DID ALFONSO'S DAD ACTUALLY SLEEP WITH CARMEN. I NEED TO KNOW, DANG IT.

The issue: you are making me choose between the Spaniard and the Scotsman for my hubbie and I don't like it-

my list of fictional crushes has only grown since I've gotten into ASMR... the list was already long enough...

The comments:

First off, I really like Alfonso's character. Specifically the fact that he's not already a famed vampire slayer or anything, that he's still low in the ranks of the Guild and he's trying to live up to the memory of his father. I also enjoyed how the confession scene in Episode Five was written. One of my BIGGEST pet peeves with romance tropes is when someone says "I love you!" after TWO DAYS of knowing the other person (I'm looking at you, Disney). But here, it felt like it was taken into account that Alfonso and the Guest hadn't known each other for long and were thrown into a very stressful and emotional situation. So yeah, feelings were probably going to be a result of that, but that doesn't necessarily mean it was "love" to begin with... but it could become that. Saying "I want you" made it feel more honest, I suppose.

Second, loveeeeee how the video was set up (I watched the story compilation btw, probably should've mentioned that). But the way the background shifted with the situation was SO cool. I've noticed that before in your other series, not sure if I've brought it up yet, but it really helps with the immersion as well as giving me a better idea of what the setting is. Also- SOUNDTRACK. THANK YOU AGAIN FOR THE SOUNDTRACK.

Third, I thought it was epic that you did it in English and Spanish. Also neat finding out that you're Spanish, that was cool. My family's Puerto Rican, so I can understand the language (if you speak it at very slow pace and are very patient with me) but I personally can't speak it. I love hearing it, though, and I want to learn it properly lol.

Mmkay, that's enough of sane Nyx, time for my chaos-

"Alfonso, shut up about Carmen, Carmen is my QUEEN, I LOVE HER, she shall be the tía of our children when we get married-"

"This is probably not at all canon but Alfonso looks like Inigo Montoya from Princess Bride in my head- where's the actual design for him-"

*is once again deceased at confession scene raaaaaaaaaaaaaagh*

"Scythe, you did it again, this villain is epic."

"Ok so we have werewolves in here, which probably means that Der Wolfsjäger might be connected...? Possibly? Bro, these mythic transformations do not sound PLEASANT, AUGH-"

"OMG WE GET TO TRAIN TO BE A VAMPIRE SLAYER LET'S GO-"

From the Matador Gothic spinoffs:

In "Proving Yourself to Your Vampire Master", I could literally see it all playing out in my head as an animatic, which makes me furious that I can't draw well.

"Infiltrating a Vampire Nightclub":

"These tight pants reduce my mobility."

Me working on my sweater vest: "Pretty sure you look great from behind, though-"

"And stop looking at my butt!"

*drops crochet hook* "LORD, I PROMISE I'LL BE MORE WHOLESOME, I'M SORRY-"

"OHHHHHHHHHHHHHH BUT WE'RE ENGAGED NOW!?!?!?!?!?!?" *internal squealing intensifies*

"Not in Front of Dinner, Darling"- the tea. Just. All. The tea. I was literally sitting there with one hand covering my mouth listening to everything go down. Like yes, this is very entertaining, I could absolutely just sit here while y'all sort out your relationship- ONE HUNDRED AND SEVENTY- SIR?!?!?!?!? Also, dinner would very much prefer to NOT see any ravaging of ANY sort... thank you...

OH and the Goblin series, decided to watch that before Matador Gothic... listen, I'm all for teaching people about the magic of Christmas and what not, but if I got locked up for a year because of that little imp AND it's wrecking my house when I get home, I'm getting the baseball bat again, I'm sorry. It was a great series, 10/10.

*checks notes* Aaaaaaaaand that's about all I got for tonight. Or today. Take your pick. Bravo, Escaped, I enjoyed this once again... don't know if I want to watch Wolfsjäger yet, I might go for New Jersey Rats, since that's another finished series.

Thanks againnnnnnnn, happy holidays!!!

-🖤🐈‍⬛

Episode three of Matador Gothic:

"How much of that did you hear?" "... Enough to say I hope we get married by the end of this story?"

[r-aindr0p]

Apparently Rollo only eats grapes and two croissants for lunch and i've noticed it MIGHT be une référence à la sainte cène because croissants can kind be compared to bread ig (ils ont bien appelé ça un pain dans le jeu after all même si ct une hérésie de dire ça TOT) and grapes to wine? And yeah idk if that was really supposed to be a reference but i wanted to share my silly little thoughts with u bc u like Rollo and i was curious what you might think abt this

Ok first of, Rollo, dear that's a dogshit lunch. Truly...

Now that this is out, I like both takes ! since Rollo refers to croissants as......Bread (it's a pain for me to even write this ) .... It could totally be wine and bread representation (not necessarily the sainte cène though since this mf eats by himself) as a parallel to og Frollo being super religious. It could've been bread in the twisted world, it coul'd have but I went back to the event in the archives and well..

Azul absolutely describes it like a regular croissant and refers to it as pastry....

So either Azul got it wrong (he'd never dare) or Rollo is one of those guys you would get into an argument about wether a tomato is a fruit or a vegetable. (Or the english translators kept this in and huh ?? hello croissants can be found in many bakeries internationally nowadays surely they know it's a pastry ??? aie aie aie....) Would've loved to see local foods or traditions slightly different because it's in twisted wonderland, Like the harveston clothings had many cultures pieced together !! Sami clothing is incorporated iirc ?? (though croissant being considered bread is truly a sacrilège) And bonne journée/soirée to you both ! :)

[blatantprinterpropaganda]

i love himmmm. he gets a gold star for figuring out the odd jealousy (probably fake) love triangle plot immediately while also right in the middle and with jun right in front of him and, like, actively taking a lighter to some gas

[acidicpenumbra]

two "ultimate" level douchebags

[troutfriend]

Big Man's Big Meal

hungry young mantas in your area... Click here...

[orcelito]

I think that. When you are on 2 hours of sleep. You shouldn't have any other bad experiences. As a rule

I got half frozen on my way home today. And I feel quite significantly awful. Want to just crawl into my bed and shiver away in my blankets. But I have to shower and eat first. I'm warming up, but my fingers are still kind of burning. I feel Not Good.

[today-i-am-thinking-about]

kraft singles

[inkskinned]

she's singing in another room and my dog is asleep at my feet. my grandma asked me why i haven't found a man yet and i laughed. oh, you know. i like my house clean.

my girlfriend is also my man is also "my partner" if i'm in a professional setting. yesterday we went to a ren faire and a man mimed at me - you're together? and at my delighted nod, his baffled, you're gay? made me laugh. a woman with rainbow hair said i love the two of you together. you're both so beautiful it's absurd.

my dad introduced my partner as my "..... friend. or whatever" the other day. he knows we're dating. in the same way, i was never able to get my sister's husband to stop saying that's gay like it's 2008. he still uses the word fa***t, and my sister's defense of him has always been well, he's just kidding.

my lover and i dance to old music in a tiny kitchen. we judge new music together and take food critique very seriously. we watch love is blind before we fall asleep and agree that if they had a queer season, it would be bloody but also make for excellent tv. of fucking course queer people would know someone for only 2 weeks and agree to get married. what are you saying.

at a bar with friends, a man puts his hand on my wrist. got a boyfriend? and yes, i do have a boyfriend, she's amazing. i am texting her while i wander around a gas station named after geese. i am visiting a swing state for a wedding. in the candy aisle i overhear: she's actually like a lesbian it's disgusting. two teenage girls with packaged sandwiches in their hands, giggling. no literally, like. i'm not, like. okay with her being there while we're all, like, naked and changing.

my girlfriend and i tailgate, drink gin and cider out of cups. from the frat group beside us, a man corrects himself with one of his friends: bro, i mean, nonbinary entity, and it makes everyone around him laugh, myself included. he razzes his friend the same way i would have killed for at 19 years old - like nothing happened, he continues: you apply sunscreen like an alien. he does a little sassy (and fairly accurate) dance interpretation of the motion. his friend is laughing so hard they're crying.

i am lucky, i live in a safe neighborhood in a safe state. my masc passenger princess comes up from DC. i drive her for an hour to where all the leaves are a violent arrangement of color. we walk along the trails, letting autumn into our blood. in this part of the state, there's a lot of pickup trucks and trump signs. when we chastely kiss before getting into the car, i accidentally make eye contact with a woman holding her child's wrist. she looks disgusted. she looks fucking pissed.

two hours later my girl and i are eating dinner on a patio, soaking in the last warmth of new england sun before the chill of winter sets in. we are giggling and trying to talk through plastic vampire teeth. at another table, i see a young woman sit up straighter. i watch her watch us. she blushes and takes her partner's hand from across the table. shy, like the taste of evening has just become something deeper.

it's worth it for this moment, i think. my lover is still humming the same song she's been singing for four days straight and i don't want to kill her for it. her guitar is beside my bed. her toothbrush is in my bathroom. in a few moments i will make us lunch. we are lucky enough to have found each other. it is lucky enough to be in love.

[hvcrver]

@teabutmakeitazure @keiriiz @cheesecakethots i need to know that you see this. especially cheese. look at this grownass man sulking over FUCKING PUDDING

// also seeing feitan go "straight up" was horrific. terrifying. i need this to be internalized into every iteration of him. i've seen fei writers compose graphic torture and i've been less affected.

Phantom Troupe Drama CD English Translation-Track 13

CD : HUNTER×HUNTER～Next Episode Scene 3 幻影旅団 (Link)

Track 13 さらわれた団長 "The kidnapped Leader" starts at 47.15.

Disclaimer:

This is a fun bonus content from the 1999 anime that I decided to translate because I want others to enjoy it too (´꒳`)♡ Do note that some of the characters might act in an unusual comedic manner.

Summary:

This scene takes place at the Beitacle hotel after Chrollo got kidnapped by Kurapika. The troupe members decided to talk about their boss's bad habit. Killua and Gon are supposed to be listening to the whole thing too (which makes it funnier).

[Nobunaga] Boss…!

[Machi] This is because you’re..dense.

[Shizuku] That’s right. Boss is unexpectedly dense.

[Pakunoda] Yeah. If I don't bring it to him, he'll definitely miss out on his meals.

[Kortopi] He’s also greedy.

[Machi] Rather than greedy, he’s kind of possessive, isn’t he? That time I accidentally ate his pudding. After that, for two or three days, every time he saw me he said "pudding… my pudding…"

[Shizuku] Ah! The same thing happened to me too.

[Machi] Such a mild stalker, that guy.

[Pakunoda] But that part of him is cute.

[Nobunaga] That’s because you coddle him all the time, Paku. He’s always gonna be like that.

[Kortopi] Discipline is important.

[Pakunoda] Discipline..? He’s not a dog.

[Machi] If he were a dog, he would just come back on his own.

[Shizuku] Way better than boss, huh.

[Pakunoda] No way… Boss doesn’t need to be taken out for walks, nor does he wet himself.

[Nobunaga] Paku, you’re not making him look any better.

[Kortopi] More like dragging him through the mud.

[Shizuku] Ah! They’re here!

[Phinks] Explain the situation.

[Shizuku] In my case, it was almond jelly.

[Phinks] Huh?

[Feitan] What talk about?

[Machi] We’re talking about Paku coddling the boss too much, which makes him become more like a possessive stalker.

[Shalnark] I'm having trouble following all this.

[Nobunaga] In short, it's about how Boss sulks when Machi accidentally ate his pudding, and when Shizuku accidentally ate his almond jelly.

[Feitan] Straight up.

[Phinks] I get what you guys are saying. Back then, I had eaten his Azuki bar, then he stood by my bedside for three days and three nights.

[Machi] You too, Phinks?!

[Shizuku] I see that you have also been victimized by his unexpected side!

[Phinks] Why is the LEADER of the Phantom Troupe that upset over an ice cream in the first place? While he has us at his beck and call at all times.

[Shalnark] Well, that can’t be helped since we're his subordinates, but over an ice cream..? That’s kinda petty.

[Phinks] I know right?

[Pakunoda] Well, Boss is a person who likes ice cream!

[Kortopi] Pudding and Jelly-

[Pakunoda] Those too.

[Machi] That’s why I call him spoiled.

[Nobunaga] He cherry-picks the good stuff after al.

[Feitan] That, I understand. Boss the type to order from the secret menu at a sushi restaurant.

[Shalnark] Now that you mention it, he never eats the crust of a bread, right?

[Machi] That time, he ate only about five centimeters of the middle of a watermelon that had been split in half.

[Kortopi] Who only eats the strawberries on a shortcake?

[Shizuku] Ah. One time he snatched my food that I left out to eat last.

[Pakunoda] That also happened to me…

[Phinks] Not to mention he only ate the burnt rice of a stone-grilled bibimbap.

[Machi] Jeez. Our Boss is really hopeless, huh.

...

[Chrollo] I have no value as a hostage.

════════ End of track ════════

TL Notes & Commentary:

I've seen some people say "Chrollo eats pudding like a pig" which is half true. Kortopi called him 意地汚い, meaning "greedy, gluttonous, and piggy-like." More on how he hogs his food, less on how he eats it.

The almond jelly is 杏仁豆腐. A jellied dessert made of apricot kernel milk, agar, and sugar.

Machi actually says 粘着質ストーカ. 粘着 literally means “sticky”, so he’s really clingy and persistent. I think Machi is so done with danchou, hence the choice of words.

Azuki Bar

[anti-gravity-insanity]

Bro straight up when can I live in that Wall-E future where everything is a milkshake I just spent hours of my night hyping myself up to go get a Delicious Breakfast sandwich only to back out like 15 minutes before the restaurant opens cause I know I won’t be able to eat it and thus would waste my money agghhhgggggggggggh

[jackass-jones]

Had a very bad day Gotta eat gravel

[loverlighted]

Microwaving kool aid has got to be some kind of sin right

[theres-whump-in-that-nebula]

When you love raw fruits and vegetables but they make your throat itchy :(

[contagious-addiction]

Shaking what ever gremlin in my body out of there so I can finally have an appetite back for more than like 2hrs

[rambles-about-minecraft-ocs]

theres something so funny to me when hermits are talking about redstone and theyre like "and then theres an etho hopper clock here-"

like. of course they use etho hopper clocks, itd be weirder if they actively avoided using it, considering its like. a redstone thingy that is very useful and still works even after all this time, and from what i understand it was like. a pretty big deal in terms of useful things you could do with redstone back when he first made it because it opened up ways to do even more things with redstone

and like for the most part theyve probably been referring to that particular thing as an etho hopper clock for longer than theyve even known etho personally, considering the etho hopper clock predates his joining hermitcraft by at least 1-2 years, and several of the other hermits joining hermitcraft by even more. so of course they still call it that

on a related note, most of them likely had at least heard of etho before meeting him, even if they didnt personally watch him (tho i know some did) since he was an old school minecraft youtuber. like his original season 1 of "lets play minecraft" started when minecraft was so new it hadnt been officially released yet. literally back in minecraft alpha. he was a minecraft youtuber OG

so with those two points taken into consideration it completely makes sense that "etho hopper clock" is something ingrained into the terminology of anyone that does stuff with redstone somewhat regularly. theres no reason it wouldnt be

but when you put it into contrast with like. their actual interactions with etho. it kind of cracks me up???

its like. in my head the vibes are this: imagine building something and being like "okay guys, for this machine we need to use an archimedes screw, which is named of course after its inventor archimedes, a man so genius that to this day he is regarded as one of the most brilliant inventors and mathematicians to ever walk this earth" and then like thirty minutes later you go to a restaurant and you see archimedes, of classic antiquity fame, trying to eat a sandwich but the ingredients keep falling out in increasingly comedic manners. so you of course call him pathetic to his face, and then ask if he wants to try out your new totally-not-a-scam product that you carry on you at all times for opportunities like these. and for some reason he doesnt just say yes, but buys two

[heyysteven]

I love, I love, I love

Summary: A bunch of Husband!salesman headcannons

Warnings: Brief mentions of death and Fluff :))

Husband!salesman who just loves to be the little spoon, he absolutely loves the feeling of resting his head on your chest as you caress his hair talking about the details of your day. He didn't mind being the big spoon either. He just loves any reason to be wrapped around you really.

Husband!salesman who could hear you talk for the rest of his hours. Tell him about the book you just finished reading, tell him about the new recipe you wanted to try, tell him about new gossip at work. He would listen patiently and ask questions wherever he got confused.

Husband!salesman who texted you every two hours. Did you reach your office safely? I’m eating the sandwich you packed! Did you have your lunch? Any updates on the new gossip? Will reach home in twenty minutes;)) Do you want anything from the grocery store? Got you donuts just in case.

Husband!salesman who would take pictures of every sunset, every animal, every flower and send them to you because they reminded him of you and how you would have taken pictures if you were with him.

Husband!salesman who would buy you a huge bouquet of flowers before every date night, conveying different messages using the language of flowers. Last time he got home one full of red tulips and sunflowers (because his passion for you ran murderously deep silly!).

Husband!salesman who planned every date night down to the minute. He would book the reservations for that cuisine you once mentioned you wanted to try. He would whistle as soon as you step out the room in your evening dress, twirl you by your hand and ask for the n’th time how he got so lucky (would definitely be disappointed if you wore something without back zips). He would always be the perfect gentleman for you; right from driving you, opening the doors, pulling your chairs, all you had to do was shut your brain and enjoy the evening.

Husband!salesman who always tried matching his tie to the color of your dress.

Husband!salesman who loved holding hands more than life itself. He would love feeling the cold metal of your wedding ring every time you locked your fingers. He would walk around with the most proud smile ever on his face, softly swinging your intertwined fingers with each step.

Husband!salesman who could never say no to you. He was born with a lot of impressive abilities and strategic skills. Murdering someone with a fork? Easy! Selling people the idea of getting rich by playing a bunch of game? A piece of cake! Saying no to his wife? What is that? Shouldn’t it be punishable by law?

Husband!salesman who couldn’t cook to save his life. He somehow ended up burning everything he put on stove, so he just stuck to cleaning instead. It was a silent agreement, you would make the breakfast and dinners and he would wash and dust while you cooked. On days he ran late, he loved being welcomed by the aroma of the dish you were making. It made him feel like that this was the reason he was alive.

Husband!salesman who still got flustered when you kiss his cheek. It had quickly become your power move. On the rare occasion where you disagreed upon something, you would simply kiss his cheek and watch him fumble with his words. It was the most adorable thing ever.

Husband!salesman who would kiss and bite your neck every chance he got. He loved the fact that he could attack your neck any time he wanted.

Husband!salesman who loved when you asked him to pick you up after work. He waited for the moment you would come running and jump to hug him tight.

Husband!salesman who always noticed every single detail. Like the time he caught a man making you uncomfortable while walking. He did exactly what the man deserved; beat him till his teeth were bloody and carved his fingers out from their socket,  for ever daring to make his wife feel unsafe.

Husband!salesman who got jealous easily. He didn’t ask for much, he just wanted every single person with conspicuous intentions towards you to just get hit by a truck on the highway (with him driving the truck preferably).

Husband!salesman who always made sure to support your hobbies! Even if you abandon them after two weeks, he’s proud of you for trying.

Husband!salesman who hated your plushies and teddy bears. He hated how much distance they created between you while sleeping. He would just throw them to the floor when you weren’t looking.

Husband!salesman who doesn’t like getting his shirt bloody because “My wife chose that for me, its rude of you to bleed on my clothes.”

Husband!salesman who says I love you like it’s the air he needs for breathing. He would find every reason to squeeze your hands thrice.