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shall-we-die · 11 months ago

Note

I need something angsty about OM character's reactions to MC's death...

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{"Open your eyes...!"}

What are their reactions after MC's death in human world by an accident?

☰[Main list]•⊰ Obey me!

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[Lucifer]

The thought of losing his beloved to an accident in the human world would be a devastating blow to Lucifer. He would be deeply saddened and utterly heartbroken, feeling empty and lost. He would also be filled with grief and guilt, blaming himself for not being able to prevent the tragedy and thinking he should have done more to protect them. Lucifer would be grief-stricken and consumed by sadness, feeling as if he lost his own light and hope. However, Lucifer would never give up on the idea of seeing his beloved again and would fight for a way to bring them back, no matter what it takes. When Lucifer hugs MC's dead body, he would be filled with sorrow, grief, and regret. He would sob and weep, his tears falling upon the body of his beloved. Lucifer would mourn deeply and not want to let go, wanting to stay by their side forever. He would whisper words of love, comfort, and apology, apologizing for not having done enough to protect them. "MC... I'll love you forever... no matter what, I'll find you again..." "sorry for always being grumpy and cruel with you... I'm sorry... I'm sorry..." Lucifer's love for his beloved is eternal and will never fade away, so the thought of saying goodbye forever would be too painful for him and he would do everything in his power to find a way to bring MC back.

[Mammon]

If MC were to die in the human world due to an accidental incident, the news would no doubt hit Mammon hard. He would be in shock and disbelief, unable to accept the truth. Once he finally processed the truth, he'd be filled with grief and sadness. He might lash out in anger and denial, blaming the world and himself for allowing this to happen. He might even feel like he's to blame, believing he could have prevented the accident if he had only been there. Eventually, he would come to terms with MC's death, but his grief would always remain. If Mammon were to embrace MC's dead body, he would likely be overcome with grief and tears. He might cry out in despair and frustration, cursing the universe for taking away his precious love. He might also ask for forgiveness and beg for the ability to turn back time. Mammon would likely cling to the body, not wanting to let go of the only thing remaining of MC. He might whisper sweet nothings into MC's ear, or even try to wake them up, hoping that it's just a nightmare and that MC isn't really gone. He would whisper their names, saying things like, " MC... MC... please wake up... don't leave me... please..." (OK, this dude hurts for the second time because of MC's death and it's sad...)

[Leviathan]

Leviathan would be absolutely devastated if MC died in the human world. he would be in denial that it was true and search for months on end to find a way to bring them back. he would be unable to cope with their death and would become distant and quiet. he would struggle to carry on with his duties in the devildom and would struggle to focus on anything else. it would shatter his world in a way that he would never recover from, and he would never forgive himself for letting such a tragic thing happen. Leviathan would likely be hugging MC's dead body tightly, not wanting to let them go. he would cry and mourn their death. he would say things like "no, no, it's not fair. it can't be real" and "why did you leave me alone?" and if MC's death was caused by an accident, he would likely blame himself and say things such as "I should've been careful. I should've done more." and "I'm sorry, I didn't mean for things to end this way." he would be in utter disbelief and despair, as he struggles to cope with the loss.

[Satan]

Satan's reaction to the death of MC would be one of grief and sorrow. He would be deeply affected by the loss and would likely mourn intensely. He would be filled with sadness and guilt, wondering if there was anything he could have done to prevent it. He would also feel a deep sense of loneliness and emptiness, as a part of himself would be gone with MC. He would likely blame himself for not doing enough to protect them and would be haunted by the thought of having lost someone so precious to him. When Satan finds himself hugging the dead body of MC, he would likely be filled with intense grief. He would cling tightly to MC's body, wanting to take comfort in them even though they are no longer alive. He may also speak to the dead body, expressing his sorrow and anguish. He would probably say things like "I'm so sorry" or "Please come back." He might even cry and wail in grief, unable to come to terms with the fact that MC is gone. He would likely be unable to think of anything else, consumed by sadness and pain.

[Asmodeus]

The news of MC's death would hit Asmodeus hard. He would be devastated and inconsolable, as the love of his life was taken away from him without any warning. He would be filled with so much grief and regret, that MC had to die such a horrible death, when they were supposed to be happy and together. He would likely shut himself from everyone, as he couldn't handle the pain or talking to anyone. He'd just stay in his room and sob, remembering all the happy memories he shared with them and wishing they'd be able to create even more. Asmodeus would hug MC's dead body tightly and desperately while crying and sobbing, refusing to believe that they're gone. He would say things along the line of "No, this can't be happening.. please.. Don't leave me.. I need you..." and even ask for MC to wake up and answer him, as he can't believe that they're really dead. He'd try to talk to MC's dead body, wishing that it'd answer and come back to him, while hugging them tighter and refusing to let go.

[Beelzebub]

Beelzebub would be absolutely devastated by MC's death. He would be in shock, denial, and disbelief all at the same time. He would blame himself for not protecting MC and for not being with them at the time of their demise. He would grieve deeply and mourn their loss. He would feel empty without MC in his life and would be haunted by memories of their time together. He would try to hold it together and stay strong, but the grief would be too much for him. He would eventually try to find a way to revive MC, no matter the cost. Beelzebub would cling tightly to MC's body, unwilling to let go even in death. He would cry and sob, regretting all the times they fought and wishing he had appreciated their time together more. He would beg for MC to come back to him and would plead with every deity he knows to revive MC. He would swear to give up anything if it meant having MC back with him. As he gazes down at MC's body, he would recall all their happy memories together. The time they met, their first kiss, and all the special moments they had shared would flood his mind.

[Belphegor]

If MC passed away in the human world, Belphegor would be absolutely devastated and heartbroken. They would be overcome with grief, guilt, and regret, wondering if there was more they could have done to prevent this from happening. They would feel completely and utterly lost. They would be unable to comprehend how someone so precious to them could suddenly be taken away from them. As time passes, Belphegor may learn to cope with the loss, but the pain of missing MC would never fade or go away completely. Belphegor would be in shock and denial when they find MC's dead body. They would refuse to believe that it's happening and would beg and plead for them to wake up, to come back to them. When reality finally sets in, Belphegor would be stricken with grief and sorrow. They would hold MC closely, crying and sobbing, whispering apologies and expressions of love. They would want nothing more than to go back in time and save them, but they would also know that nothing could make it better. They would feel lost and empty, empty of love and of hope.

[Diavolo]

Diavolo would be absolutely devastated by MC's death and would struggle to find words to describe how much pain and sorrow he is filling. He would blame himself and be overcome by guilt and regret, tormenting himself over what he could have done differently. He might even shut himself off and distance himself from everyone else as he tries to process the devastating loss of MC, and might even become depressed and hopeless, thinking nothing matters anymore. He would most likely consider following them after death, as he sees no point to living in a world without MC's warmth and light. When hugging MC's dead body, Diavolo would most likely cry profusely, sobbing and clinging to them as he is overcome with unbearable sorrow and agony. He might even be shaking and trembling for a while, completely at a loss for words and unable to function properly. He could say things like "No, no, it's not true, it can't be. You can't be gone, I can't be without you," or "Why did this have to happen? I tried so hard to save you, I should have been more careful, this is all my fault."

[Barbatos]

When the news of MC's death in the human world reached Barbatos, he would drop everything he was doing and flew as fast as he could to see for himself that it was a mistake. He would spend hours looking for MC, checking around and in the most unexpected places, hoping it was all a mistake or a lie. Even if there were any signs that the news was true, the demon would deny it and hold to the hope that everything was a lie. He would not believe MC is dead until he himself saw MC lying still with his own eyes. Barbatos, when standing before MC's lifeless body, would break down completely. His wings tucked themselves underneath his clothing as he took in the sight that was burned into his mind. He would blame himself because he had the power to see the future, BUT he didn't use that damn power... He refused to believe that MC was dead, holding on to their body and clinging onto it as if trying one last time to bring them back to life. He'd kiss their forehead and whisper words of comfort. The demon would stay like that for an eternity, sobbing and hugging MC's body before accepting the truth.

[Simeon]

Upon learning about MC's death, Simeon would be deeply saddened and grief-stricken. He would likely be overcome with regret and guilt, and blame himself for not being able to save them. Simeon would grieve deeply for MC and have trouble coming to terms with the loss. He would also feel lonely and empty without MC, and would likely question the meaning of life without them. He would struggle to cope with the loss and would need time to heal and to move on. When Simeon first finds out about MC's death, he would likely be in shock and disbelief. He would rush to MC's side, hoping against all hope that it was a mistake or that they were still alive. Upon seeing their lifeless body and realizing that it was true, Simeon would be overwhelmed with grief. He would spend time hugging MC's body and refusing to let go, trying in vain to bring them back to life. He would likely say things like, "No, it can't be. This can't be happening. Please wake up, my love. Please." And finally, he has to break the news to Luke. But he will be so sad and upset that he can't comfort Luke either.

[Solomon]

If MC were to pass away in the human world due to an accident, Solomon would be utterly heartbroken and devastated. His grief and sadness would be immense and all-consuming. Solomon would be overwhelmed with a sense of helplessness and regret, as he would likely blame himself for not being able to protect MC, or for not being there at that moment. He might feel a sense of guilt and longing, and mourn the loss of the love, the future, and life that they were meant to have together. His mourning process would be long and difficult, and it might even bring him to the point of despair. Upon meeting MC's lifeless body, Solomon would likely be filled with shock, disbelief, and overwhelming grief. He would embrace their body and cradle them closely, not wanting to let them go. He would likely say things like: "This can't be happening...this can't be true...please, wake up..." "How could this happen? I...I should have been there...I should have protected you...." "Please, don't leave me, my love...not like this..." "You...you can't leave me alone...Please, I can't survive without you..."

#𝙰𝚛𝚒𝚊'𝚜 𝙼𝚊𝚒𝚕𝚋𝚘𝚡–[📮]#𝚂𝚞𝚋𝚖𝚒𝚜𝚜𝚒𝚘𝚗𝚜–[📩]#𝙰𝚗𝚐𝚜𝚝𝚢 𝚝𝚒𝚖𝚎–[❣]#obey me x reader #obey me x mc #bsd x reader #obey me hcs #obey me angst #obey me lucifer x reader #obey me mammon x reader #obey me leviathan x reader #obey me satan x reader #obey me asmodeus x reader #obey me beelzebub x reader #obey me belphegor x reader #obey me diavolo x reader #obey me barbatos x reader #obey me simeon x reader #obey me solomon x reader

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slexenskee · 4 months ago

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Sorry if this question is awkward for you, but I was wondering if you were OK sharing roughly what you had planned out for the ending/characters in Crawlersout and/or Saltkin?

Sure! Sorry this is gonna be a long one haha

*LOL I read this wrong and thought it was asking for Grandloves not Crawlersout 🤦‍♀️* sorry to scare everyone haha

honestly, the original plan was Harry dies, which ended up being too sad even for me which is partially why I have no idea how to finish it. Or maybe she just takes the kid and leaves? Acknowledges it was a totally fucked up/toxic relationship in a lot of ways even if his feelings were sincere and distances herself? And Voldemort is too soft on her to ever hurt her, and too proud to ever grovel for her back, so he just accepts it and becomes a miserable old man who realizes how worthless life is without love and kind of loses all interest in life/the war because of it? But he's also too stubborn to just die, so idk, he takes all the power because that's been his life's work but it's a hollow victory. He doesn't turn good or anything, but I see him becoming like a cryptid dictator that kind of lets society battle shit out in the courts without him and no longer takes any real interest in society. But he does put a moratorium on 'spilling magical blood of any kind' which does include muggleborns, so there's at least.

Anyway 10+ years later and Hermione has been getting shit done bc idk I love the dynamic of her being everything Voldemort 'hates' in society but also everything he appreciates in a person and so he kind of hates her but also gives her carte blanche to do whatever she wants which pisses his followers off bc she's obviously the favorite but there's nothing they can do about it, and society has kind of gotten 'better' under her trailblazing political career. For a given definition of better, but in any case it's enough for Harry - wherever she is - to agree to have Flynn attend Hogwarts.

Meanwhile, Voldemort's primary position in the magical world has become being the Headmaster of Hogwarts. He's still a cryptid who holes up with his hoarded knowledge 99% of the time and leaves most of the running of the school to Mcgonagall and Snape, but he does the opening ceremonies and other things like that, so it's a kick in the teeth to hear the hat call out the name Cepheus Potter.

Voldemort finds increasingly awkward and bizarre ways to be around his estranged son - to the despair of the teachers and confusion of the students, Flynn especially, who has no idea who this weirdo is. Like, he learns Flynn really likes herbology, so he convinces Sprout to take a much-needed vacation just so he can teach Flynn's class for the week. Or pretends to be the caretaker just to loiter around in the halls for the perfect opportunity to run into him and answer any questions he has. Or lingers in the library and literally shoves Madame Pince out of it to act as his guide for book recommendations, and subsequently fucks up all her book-keeping bc while he's hanging around there just waiting for Flynn to come up to him with questions he also has to be the one checking out books and accepting returns and he completely just fucks that up.

The professors can't do anything about it obviously, and the students just think he's a weird staff member they see on the school grounds enough to feel he's harmless, and ignore it. At this point in public for his dictator Voldemort appearances he has his snake-like face and pulls a Darth Sidious and has a creepy cloak and all that - and when he's not doing that he looks like Tom Riddle so they think he's just an eccentric dude.

Anyway so in the ending where Harry is dead it's very bittersweet and Voldemort spends the rest of his life full of sorrow and regret (bc idk how but Harry dies and it's his fault somehow) but does reconcile with his son.

The ending where she's alive is much happier. He still reconciles with Flynn and kind of gets the courage from him to reach out to her again since Flynn is just a ball of sunshine who genuinely seems to like him. And he and Harry are still pretty toxic bc let's be real the whole horcrux involuntary/soulmate thing is never not going to be toxic, but whatever it's genuine. It also feels like a more balanced relationship now that Harry is older and has experienced life without him and all that.

Saltkin:

Book 3:

Harry goes through her shounen-protgaonist arc and becomes the Master of Death. Idk what that is really but she's basically OP as hell and spends most of her time conquering hell or whatever dimension I decide on for the afterlife. Cue the montage of this badass girl kicking the shit out of Dark Soul -esque monsters.

Meanwhile Voldemort is off on his quest to become dictator of England and is scheming/starting his war like he does in canon. He's smarter about it since he's not the insane version that came out of a cauldron but he's still an arrogant jerk who hates his own feelings and has shipped Harry off to the Malfoy's to not have to look at her. She's still the most important person in his life and he worries about her constantly, but he absolutely cannot every acknowledge that in any capacity.

There's a big ball wherein Harry is introduced to pureblood society, and the malfoy's begin to get a flood of marriage proposals. They obviously take these to Voldemort, who has a bit of a crisis over them. Ultimately, he denies all of them outright and refuses to even consider the prospect of handing Harry over to anyone. The Malfoy's take this is a tentatively good sign that Draco might end up with her, if the Dark Lord intends to keep her close.

Harry is heartbroken when the entire year passes and she doesn't receive a single word from Tom. Not even a reply when she writes him for his birthday. At the ball, he ignores her entirely.

She uses her anguish as fuel to become stronger, and tells herself it doesn't matter anyway. Nothing matters to her but death.

She defeats Envy, though not without cost. She's grievously injured, to the point Voldemort can feel it. But because the battle takes place in the Lands in Between, by the time she's alive again nothing seems to be amiss. Still, it shakes Voldemort, who remembers the time he'd thought her dead.

Book 4:

Harry's still on her quest to become the Very Best There Ever Was (cue pokemon theme) traveling across the Twilight Lands and amassing an army of monsters.

The next Sin resides deep in the many fragmented dimensions that make up the Twilight Lands/Lands in Between, and is incredibly strong, so she's kind of distracted all year. She could give less of a fuck about the Triwizard tournament, that Voldemort still enacts not to resurrect himself but to gain followers and international attention in secret. Unlike canon she's not picked, so she basically gets a free pass for the year to do fuck all while everyone else is distracted.

This entire plot was greatly influenced by from-software games so in homage to that she spends a lot of time 'dead' in a realm that looks an awful lot like Yharnam and is full of twisted beasts.

Meanwhile, Barty Crouch Jr is still polyjuiced as Madeye and is meant to keep an eye on the proceedings of the tournament and also Harry, although he's not told why. He's also not sure what the hell he's supposed to be looking for, so he just writes to his lord about her life and health - which is poor all around. He says she exhibits no energy in classes or friends, and walks the halls like a ghost. Voldemort prods about her health - Barty can't exactly sneak into the slytherin girl's dorm and watch her sleep, but he can say she barely eats during meals. Voldemort is deeply frustrated, as he can't just command her to eat and take care of herself like he used to when he was Tom, and due to their strained relationship now, can't do it as Voldemort either.

While she's off slaying yet another Sin in an epic battle of life and death, Voldemort is sealing deals and courting worthy followers.

He's become increasingly (but quietly) concerned over Harry all year.

Things reach a fever pitch when he feels like his heart is torn from his chest in the middle of an important meeting, and despite the magnitude of the alliance he leaves in the middle of it and races to Malfoy Manor. The Malfoy's are confused - Harry is fine, she is upstairs resting after dinner. The house elves concur that she is there.

But when he reaches her room, he finds her decidedly dead.

It's chaos all around, as the Malfoy's insist they have no idea what's going on. Voldemort rages at them then collapses at Harry's side. In his turmoil, he begs and makes promises within his head. He cannot lose her, he'll do anything to keep her by his side, he loves her so - finally, Harry wakes.

Its an impossible miracle that confounds everyone. Voldemort is the first to take in it stride; after all, Harry had cheated death before.

His relief quickly burns into anger. At her for recklessly endangering her health, himself for not being strong enough to bear her presence, the Malfoy's for being such terrible guardians.

Harry is confused to see him by her side, but whatever joy she felt dissolves into resentment as he yells at her. Voldemort is insisting she'll stay with him once more, but now she prefers her freedom. In his fury, he says quite a few things he can't take back.

By the end of it, Harry decides she hates him more than she loves him, and that she'll grow stronger to one day destroy him.

idk I have other plans for this fic, like I want Harry crafting an OP weapon called the Sword of Blasphemy that she makes my basically sacrificing her heart/love for Voldemort as a catalyst for more power, Voldemort of course finding out that she's the Master of Death , Harry eventually having to choose between Living and Death, the role reversal of Voldemort finally being the one who realizes the importance of love while Harry throws it away for more power, etc etc.

#fic saltkin #fic grandloves

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yourladystar · 2 years ago

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Ok, so the new trailer for Engage has given me a lot to be excited about (there are so many hot men in the trailer, oh my f*ck) so you better believe I'll be preordering this b*tch the first chance I get. But the thing I'm most anticipating is Alear himself.

Now, I don't hate Alear's design like 95% of fans do. I do think it's a bit silly, but it's not the eyesore everyone makes it out to be, especially since the entire cast has out-there designs, so it's clearly the aesthetic this game is going for. But that's not what's got me hooked; it's his story potential.

We've had divine dragons as side characters, so having one as the protagonist is already a nice change of pace, but the new trailer has given me a theory of what his story might be.

I think Alear might be the villain. Or rather, he was.

I know that might sound like a huge leap, but let me explain my reasoning.

The first red flag for me was when Alear asked Marth what he was like in the past. Mart hesitates when saying he was kind with a clear sad expression on his face and immediately changes the subject and tells him he doesn't need to remember everything at once. But, why would he do that? Why the hesitation and sorrowful look? Why use the wording "you were kind, as you are now"? Why follow up by telling him not to rush in remembering the past? The only reason I can come to is that there are certain things in Alear's past that Marth doesn't want him to remember.

Another I found on rewatch is when Alear's mother tells him "when your scattered memories return to you, you must fight on with the utmost divinity" and his response of "I'll do whatever you want." Maybe I'm just reading into this too hard, but the wording of these two sentences just doesn't feel right. Why would his lost memories affect his conviction to fight and shake his faith, unless there was something terrible he did? And why does his response carry the tone of "I'll do this because you told me to" instead of "I'll do this for you", especially since he's talking to his mother?

But the most damning red flag is at the end of the trailer when we see Alear standing on a burning battlefield, illuminated in a red hue, with a clear dark expression on his face. Now yes, this scene follows Marth being corrupted so this could just be a vision Alear's receiving as a result of their bond. But it could also potentially be a memory resurfacing because of a familiar situation.

All of this is starting to make me think that there's a reason why Alear doesn't remember his past and why he was put into a 1000-year-long slumber. That there's a reason why Marth doesn't want him to focus on the past and his missing memories. That there's a reason why his mother told him to stay strong when his lost memories return to him. Alear has done something, something that others either don't want him to remember or don't want to let change him. Something that might've started the events of this game.

Again, this is all speculation. Maybe I am just reading too hard into this, but it wouldn't be that farfetched. Fire Emblem has established that dragons have it rough, losing themselves to insanity and bloodlust due to their longer lifespans and greater power. And given that Alear has an older body compared to other divine dragons throughout the series, it's reasonable to assume that he's older than them. And when you can live for several millenniums, you're bound to make some f*ck ups now and then.

I have no way of knowing if any of this will be true; unfortunately, I haven't perfected my prophet skills. I just wanted to ramble because this game has me in a damn vice grip and I need to preorder this thing asap!

Thanks for coming to my game theory bye!

#fire emblem engage #alear #fe alear #speculation #theory #god i want this game

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autopotion · 2 years ago

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Ok inarticulate Transistor post about Red incoming.

I've half-jokingly given Red a lot of flack for her decision at the end of the game (to integrate herself into the Transistor to be with Mr. Nobody instead of using her godlike powers to restore the city) but tbh I do really like that character choice. Red is an interesting protagonist to me because, while we empathize with and are rooting for her, she is very selfishly motivated and afraid of rocking the boat. Doesn't seem that way at first because she's fairly assertive and is, uh, on a revenge quest, but she's seeking vengeance specifically because the things she loved about her old life--her voice, her partner--were taken from her. Totally understandable reason for a revenge quest IMO but while she expresses a lot of genuine sorrow and anger over the state of Cloudbank, she's not doing this for Cloudbank. She's doing this for herself and Mr. Nobody.

If you pay attention to her backstory & her actions during the game, Red is actually incredibly leery of change; she feels passionately about a lot of things, but she doesn't often give her ideas air because of the reactions they incite in other folks. After a fight broke out at a concert of hers because of an inflammatory song, instead of leaning into the power of her voice, she shied away from it and became reclusive. If you watch her formulate her forum replies in the OVC terminals, her first draft is always accusatory and impassioned, but she ends up censoring her true thoughts and feelings in the final post.

Idk I think this character flaw makes her interesting, three-dimensional, and ultimately incredibly sympathetic. Too often I feel like female protagonists in video games have to be the epitome of benevolence and self-sacrifice; even the grimdark edgy sadgirls aren't free of expectations of martyrdom and sacrificing their own desires for the greater good. While Red technically does "sacrifice" herself at the end, she doesn't do that for anyone but herself. She turns her back on whatever obligations she might have to Cloudbank and humanity, and chooses the only thing she wanted from the beginning, which is to be with her partner. There's no point in remaking this world if she can't be with the person she loves, etc

Also I think this makes her the perfect person to be at odds with the Camerata, who are all about change. Red's single-minded approach to what she wants makes the entire premise of the Camerata more sympathetic to the player I feel. Like she expresses a lot of pain and sadness about the loss of Cloudbank, whereas some of the Camerata (I'm thinking Royce specifically) are much less remorseful, but at the end of the day they would actually go the necessary lengths to restore the city, whereas Red wouldn't. Idk I just think that's a fascinating relationship for the protagonist to have with the antagonists. (I have an entire "Royce is Red's foil and they're incredibly alike" post in my head but I will spare everyone this.)

Look. The game opens with Red losing her voice. Her voice is her most inflammatory, change-inspiring trait, and she spends the entire game without it. She was never going to enact serious, lasting change to the city of Cloudbank. Her fate was sealed the moment she first appeared on screen.

Anyway I know I talk about the boys a lot but I really like Red. I love female characters in general who have this incredible power (whether physically/magically or because of their social station or both) but are hesitant to use it, to the point of making ambiguously immoral decisions just to avoid the consequences of their own power. It's more interesting to me than the #girlboss thing. Love the devastating sin of sloth, especially in characters who are otherwise assertive.

#transistor blogging #other posts swirling around in my head that i probably won't make:#sin of sloth characters i love (red ovelia aerith YES SHE IS)#royce as red's foil #mr nobody is the empathetic heart of transistor who cares more about the state of the city than red does

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space-lynn · 3 years ago

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Posting this here because I didn’t know what else to do. This is a rough and messy fic snippet. Not my best work, but I elongated and revised it into a proper fic. You guys could check it out here:

https://archiveofourown.org/works/33451993

Enjoy reading!

(Trigger Warning: Major Character Death, Blood)

Everyone is born with a soulmate identifying mark, one full sentence written on a certain part of their body. It was, of course, what helped a person recognize someone as their partner in life. But, it had one little... fucked up catch. These weren't the first words they spoke to you, these were the last words they'll ever say to you.

How would they know this? you might ask. Well, those words only ever sent sharp tingling sensations along where they were inscribed after their promised one's final breath, only when they've heard them say those words, of course. Not everyone who found their soulmates felt it, though, for they are the ones who die after hearing their loved one for the last time. It was an unfair ordeal, but that didn't mean someone couldn't fall in love with a person who isn't their soulmate. After all, couples who aren't soulmates comprise 78% of successful life-long relationships.

People around the world have tried coming up with tips and advices to find your soulmate, and only one had a 22% success rate (the highest) of actually finding your true partner: trusting your gut and your heart.

Folks destined to have more than one soulmate had a harder time finding them. Polyamory is a normal thing, especially among people with multiple marks, but not everyone got to live or meet each of them.

So when Anne was born with two marks, it had been quite a problem. One was written across her shoulders and the other on the small of her back.

Anne had hoped, truly hoped that the number 1 advice would work. She'd trusted her gut and her heart when she'd stayed close friends with Sasha and Marcy, since they, too, had two marks of their own. But after all the betrayal and heartache she endured, she started to think it wasn't them, and it only grew worse when Marcy said, "I'm sorry... For everything," before collapsing. Those words didn't match either mark.

Months after that, she'd lost and gained more hope. Lost in that she's had a hard time believing Sasha to be her other soulmate, gained in that Marcy was still alive. She was happy, ecstatic even, of the news Yunnan had given them, that she was tempted to jump on Joe Sparrow and fly there immediately. But she was stopped by Sasha, the rebellion leader saying she was the one who would rescue Marcy instead. Anne was pissed. Who did Sasha think she was? A commander who developed a martyr complex just because she'd fucked everything up before??

The two devolved into a fight after, in Sasha's tent after everybody else had left after Yunnan's news. Anne had ended it with a shout of, "UGH! I don't want to have to do anything with you anymore!"

Sasha laughed bitterly, replying coldly and sadly, "Don't worry, because soon you won't be dealing with me any longer."

Anne marched out of the tent, furious. If Sasha meant what she think she meant, then good, because after the war they wouldn't have to be friends anymore.

-----

A few hours after their argument, Anne was preparing her armor and sword when a sensation shot up her spine from the small of her back, sharp and tingly. It made her drop her sword's scabbard, and rub her back when she realized what she was touching. Her mark. That... That can't be right. The last words any human had told her came from--

She paled. Dashing into the Plantar household and into the bathroom. Her back faced the mirror as she lifted her shirt, reading the words scribbled on her skin. After years of practice, she'd become an expert at reading mirrored words. What was there confirmed her fear.

Don't worry, because soon you won't be dealing with me any longer.

Anne gasped. Running out of the house, she burst into Sasha's tent. Empty. No armor, no swords, no Sasha. Just a bed, with furs and clothes on top. Shit.

She hurriedly walked outside, to the forest looking for a giant bird, only to find a peg in the ground. Fuck! She took Minerva, the giant owl she'd tamed during the war. Goddamn owls and their fucking silent wings.

Anne yelled in frustration and she ran towards Joe Sparrow, startling the poor bird as she angrily swiped her sword and scabbard and clipped it to her belt.

"Anne! What's going on?" Hop Pop yelled, hearing the commotion.

She clambered onto Joe's back, replying, "Sasha's gone."

"What!?" It was Grime who exclaimed.

"She took Minerva with her. I know where she is. I'll bring her back. Alone."

"But Anne," Sprig said.

"Alone Sprig. I'll be fine."

"Promise us you'll come back."

"I will, HP."

"Bring her home, Anne," Grime huffed.

She nodded, steering Joe in the direction of Andrias' flying castle. Only to find it on the ground with no power. They carefully landed on one of the spires, cautious of guards or robots, but there was none.

"Stay here," she whispered to Joe, the surrounding quiet unsettling them both.

She slipped into the silent castle, using her powers to quickly check each room, finding destroyed or shut down robots. She found Minerva upon entering the throne, the bird feasting on the corpse of the king, his own flaming sword pierced through his chest. The bird looked at her, hooting as she acknowledged the human.

"Hello, Minerva," Anne whispered. "Where's your rider?"

The owl looked to a hole in a wall, stairs leading down to its depths. Minerva hooted again before continuing her meal.

Anne teleported down the stairs to the basement. Smashing the door open and freezing at the sight before her, her mind going blank.

Marcy, dressed in a wetsuit with numerous lines, was kneeling, back towards her. In front of the raven-haired girl was Sasha, lying on the ground, eyes closed with her blood pooling around her.

"You're too late," Marcy rasped. "She's long gone."

"I know. I felt it." "It was supposed to be the three of us, huh? Together forever, like we promised one another. Look how well that aged."

A bitter laugh escaped Marcy. She leaned forward, pressing a kiss to the fallen warrior's forehead.

Anne knelt beside her, looking at Sasha. "We should take her back."

"Ok."

-----

Anne stared at Sasha, stripped down to just her undershort and chest binder. A blanket lay over her, covering her legs and the hole in her stomach.

The brunette's eyes traced her dead soulmate's marks, one on her right bicep and another across her collarbone. Sasha was one of those who's never felt that soulmate-recognizing sensation, she was one of those who died first.

Her first mark, the one on her bicep, was simple. Just three little words, filled with anguish, sorrow and regret.

I'm so sorry.

And her second mark, wasn't. Eleven words filled with malice, disgust and hate.

I don't want to have to do anything with you anymore!

It made Anne feel a lot of things. Sadness at the loss. Anguish at the memory of pushing her away. Anger at the unfairness of it all. Nauseous as she watch one of the toads pull the sheet over their dead commander.

She left the tent, bitterly wondering, "Just what kind of fucked up love story do we have?"

-----

I... am not proud of this. It’s messy as hell, but I still hope you guys enjoyed reading. Until next time!

#amphibia #amphibia fanfic #anne boonchuy #marcy wu #sasha waybright #hop pop plantar #sprig plantar #captain grime #sashannarcy #fanfic snippet #read the revised version in ao3 #it is much better than this #Final Words Spoken draft

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fabdante · 4 years ago

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Not to keep on with this but right so I made a post about Vergil and Bernini and in that post I mentioned what art works and pieces I think represent the other parts of the DmC trio, Kat and Dante. And I just wanted to follow up on that with more focused posts because yall have no idea, I’m very into this whole thing.

First up: Dante

So Dante I go into a good deal in the Baroque essay already so some of this is a rehashing but I just wanted to go more in depth about Dante and Caravaggio’s Davids.

(David and Goliath, 1599)

(David with the Head of Goliath, 1607)

(David with the Head of Goliath, 1610)

More about Dante, Caravaggio, and especially that last David under the cut! This one got a little long.

Ok so first things first, like discussed in the Baroque essay, Dante is Baroque and the game is based around Caravaggio’s Baroque to a point where many of his paintings are directly referenced. That last David in particular is referenced directly in the game. See below:

so I’m not really saying anything the game hasn’t really done itself here. Dante is the main character, he is represented by Baroque and Caravaggio. That’s his vibe, that’s the parallel. And it’s a very intentional one I mean in Talexi’s art book he discusses picking Caravaggio as an influence and the overlap between Dante’s whole deal and Caravaggio’s own. But I’m like really into Caravaggio’s David’s and want to talk about that and the neat way this plays with Dante’s whole deal so, let’s do it.

To quickly summarize Caravaggio and the background of his last David: Caravaggio was an angry guy who worked in Rome during the Baroque period until he killed a guy for Reasons (probably a bet, possibly a woman, possibly a tennis match or something, probably the bet). He gets kicked out of Rome, does some stuff (joins a knighthood? at some point then leaves the knighthood?), gets word that the pope wants to pardon him. He goes back to Rome with some art but dies on the way at the ripe age of 38. One of the paintings with him that makes it on this trip is the last David.

What I like about Caravaggio’s David’s is how different they are then other David’s that come up in the art history canon. Just for comparison I’ll share the famous David but also Bernini’s David from the same time period.

(The David, Michelangelo)

(David, Benini. Pain to get a photo of s2g)

The first key difference is I mean, all three of Caravaggio’s David’s are wearing clothes which I think is neat in that I imagine he would be wearing those given the situation. But beyond that, what strikes me about Caravaggio’s David’s is their youth. In the biblical story, David is more the age Caravaggio consistently depicts him at. Which is about approximately preteen or teenage. The second thing that strikes me is the confidence and power displayed in Bernini and Michelangelo’s David’s evoke. But Caravaggio’s are not confident, not the way these one’s are. And especially that last one.

Caravaggio’s David is unsure. He’s just done this thing, killed this man, but he doesn’t seem to have quite processed it in the first two. But in the third, he is processing it. And he’s not processing it well. This is a David who is unsure. This is a David who seems to pity the man who’s head he now holds by the hair. This is a David who is not strong and unwavering and confident and elegant, this is a child who just killed a man. This echo’s in the games interpretation of the scene, that same worry echoing in Dante’s brow that’s in Caravaggio’s. It’s a sympathetic David in that he seems to be unsure if this choice was worth the personal toll but also in the sense that the viewer is sympathetic to him, they feel bad for this child who has just been forced to make this choice.

Reboot Dante’s life is not one about choice, it’s not really something he seems to be able to do often. Sparda put him into the orphanage and the orphanage put Dante into the foster care system. And ever since then Dante has had to fight. Not by choice, but by necessity. It show’s in his combat style, in his clearly untrained movements focused on power and strength rather then tactics. Vergil, if you watch him fight, he’s much more elegant, his style reflecting practice and technique. Dante, though, throws everything into his movements to kill as fast as possible. That if he just swings hard enough, this’ll all be over faster. He even stumbles in his combat because he’s put so much power into his swings, it’s my favorite little detail.

In the game, it’s mentioned that Dante’s first recorded demon kill was when he was eight years old. It was one of the ‘caretakers’ at the facility he was in. I often wonder if that’s the moment that they were trying to depict in this image, the moment after that. I'm not really sold that he looks eight here but I mean you be the judge of that but bare with me. It’s the mood, that moment right after he’s been forced to enter his new reality for the first time. That he is going to have to fight like this the rest of his life. That bewilderment and regret and just general disbelief that he’s done this, that he’s just killed something. That sorrow for the Dante he was before, like that sorrow that David must be feeling for who he was before as well.

But there’s a second layer here I haven’t gotten to yet. And that’s how Caravaggio’s David is also thought to be a self portrait. No, he’s not David. Caravaggio has painted himself as Goliath. A portrait of Caravaggio for reference:

(Caravaggio as depicted by Ottavio Leoni in 1621)

Usually this is read as a tongue and cheek thing to the pope, like Caravaggio is offering himself in the ultimate repentance for his crimes. He’s sorry, here’s his head on a platter. But there’s something about it being a self portrait coupled with David’s pity for this Goliath that feels kinda...sad in a way.

Further context to this is Caravaggio, on the run or not, did not have a studio. He was a solo artist, which is a bit odd for the period at his level. He did not take students, so his techniques died with him. No one else worked on his paintings, they’re all by his hand. This in particular David was not commissioned either, it was done as a gift. So this was a deliberate thing entirely thought through by him, painting himself as Golith, painting David so full of pity and grief.

It’s sort of this idea of pity for the monster when you yourself are the monster as well as a sort of self hatred. Which reboot Dante is familiar with. Either Dante, preboot or reboot, kind of has this arc about trying to cope with being half demon while hating being half demon. It’s not a part of himself that he likes. The reboot goes further with this though because he doesn’t even have the solace of being half human, he’s also half angel. Reboot Dante goes from seeing himself as a human being to being told no, your not, your the things that you hate and it’s your job to protect people anyway. You are both the out of control monster and a threat, but also their protector.

In either reboot or preboot this isn’t like the most explicit character beat, though it does come up. In the reboot we see it peak through in moments like Dante’s interactions with Phineas. The ‘my father was a demon and I’m nothing like him’ mentality. The reboot makes this more pressing to in that like, the reboot makes it clear that demons are not a hive mind. While they seem to vary in intelligence and free will and all that, the game does not imply that Phineas and Sparda are alone in their grievances where as the preboot paints demons like Sparda and Trish as complete oddities. But part of either Dante’s rejection of Sparda is always rooted in ‘Sparda is a demon, and I’m nothing like the demons.’

This is interesting in the reboot because, unlike Vergil, reboot Dante is always visually contrasted with demon imagery. His world is very red. His color is red. The colors on him, even the blacks and grays, are warm tones. His devil trigger is designed in such a way that the abundance of reds in it are even more prominent then his initial design. The only time he’s not is the scene with the graffiti where he’s positioned on the side with the angels. But visually it’s still made clear. Dante is the demonic twin, Vergil more angelic. On top of that, characters in the reboot love to point out how Dante reminds them of Sparda. Phineas does it and Mundus really does it (the ‘just like your father, too big for your fucking boots’ line). Which further puts Dante at odds with his identity. As much as he thinks he is nothing like Sparda, he’s his fathers son. He’s the demon half of this twin relationship.

I think to like Caravaggio’s David’s just...they don’t want to do this. They’re just kids. They don’t want to kill their Goliaths. But they have to. Which is the spot we see reboot Dante in. He doesn’t want to save the world. He doesn’t want to fight for his life as often as he does. He doesn’t want this. But he has to do it. He might say he doesn’t give a shit, but what’s his choice? When has he ever had a choice? He’s the unwilling savior.

This runs through the game to. Dante doesn’t really want to be here. He makes that clear a lot. And his bravado is constantly a cover to keep him from being too vulnerable, too exposed. But it’s that last fight with Vergil where it all falls apart. He did this because Vergil asked him to, and Vergil didn’t even tell him the truth. And just like everything else, Dante doesn’t want to kill Vergil. He doesn’t want to fight him. But he’s provoked him anyway and got himself in this fight and he can’t let Vergil take the throne. David can’t just let Goliath go.

It’s the end of the game where we finally have Dante completely free of his walls and completely bare and entirely unaware of who he is and what he’s supposed to do next. It’s the same sort of vulnerability that I feel is abundant in that last David. Who is he now after all of this? Does he like this person? What’s he to do now that he knows what he’s capable of, knows what he’s done?

What makes him any different then this head in his hands?

#dmc devil may cry #dmc reboot #devil may cry reboot #dmc reboot dante #devil may cry reboot dante #reboot dante #fab talks meta

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wysteriaisapenguin · 2 years ago

Photo

So I finally finished playing Klonoa: Phantasy Reverie Series!

Klonoa’s been one of my favorite childhood games, so seeing it get revived got me so excited. I was so ready to replay it as an adult and it’s just as charming as I remember. When I finished playing both and got to these screens, I was like, “Oh god, it’s like this game remembers me or something...” I know that sounds cheesy but there’s something about the game addressing the player as if they were an old friend...

Anyways I have a lot of thoughts about both ‘Door to Phantomile’ and ‘Lunatea’s Veil’ so feel free to read below. (Spoilers included!)

Ok so first off, the first game: Door to Phantomile. It’s a classic platformer and getting through each stage was quick and simple. I always loved how aesthetically pleasing the design for the environments were. It was so vibrant and fitting for each element per kingdom. (Especially the Moon Kingdom!!!) I know they mostly borrowed some aspects from the wii remake, but they still included so much of the charm from the original PS1 game. This included the original dialogue, music, and designs of the characters and I’m glad they stuck with that. If it isn’t broken, don’t fix it! (I’ll never stop being be salty about Huepow hogging the dialogue in the wii remake.)

Also I never realized how much of a babey Klonoa originally was haha

That being said, the ending didn’t leave much of an impact for me than when I first saw it in the original. Maybe it’s because they tried to remake it with the wii remake’s graphics and models, which ended up being lukewarm...but I remember seeing that high quality cutscene where Lephise sings her beautiful song, but Klonoa is desperate to stay and Huepow doesn’t want him to go. It made child me cry so hard and I couldn’t get over it because these two friends were separated after all the adventuring they’ve done together. And I didn’t feel that at all in the remake’s ending...but at least the strong voice acting for the scene made up for it.

Also, I still dislike Huepow for what he did; in my opinion, placing false memories to your supposed ‘friend’, pretending to be their closest friend, and telling them the truth at the very last minute is a more insidious betrayal than what I’ve seen from most twist villains. But he had no ill intentions and he deeply regretted doing all of that because he genuinely got attached to Klonoa and wanted him to stay. Even if many players, including myself, would not forgive Huepow, Klonoa would probably still forgive him because he would still see him as a friend. Even if it’s not his reality, he still wanted it to be. So I won’t be too harsh on Huepow for that.

Now for the second game, Lunatea’s Veil! Like the first game, all of the original graphics, dialogue, and gameplay were there and I appreciate that too. I also love how varied the environments and music were for each kingdom and that made the whole journey a lot more engaging to me.

Honestly I always preferred the second game than the first and replaying it made me remember why. Storywise, there was a lot more going on and the cast was a lot more interesting. I also really like how the kingdoms of Lunatea represented different emotions, but sorrow was cast out from the rest since people would rather forget about being sad. I think that sentiment hit a bit close to home, especially because I usually resort to escapism when I’m feeling upset. Plus, seeing how isolated all the kingdoms are from each other made me think that it’s not always a good thing to feel one emotion only. There needs to be a balance within your emotions and it’s ok to embrace your own sorrow too.

I also started to appreciate Lolo. When I was a kid, I didn’t think much of her but now I see her as a great friend for Klonoa. In fact, she’s a better friend than Huepow ever was. She was insecure about not being good enough and she relied on Klonoa’s power to reach her own goals. But she was not manipulating him in the slightest and seeing her doubt herself because she thought she was just made me feel sad. Yes, she needed Klonoa’s help to gain her title as a priestess, but Klonoa also needed her help to fight back. They work together really well, which makes their friendship really warranted. And I loved seeing that so much. (I’m also a little salty that she got reduced to a helpless damsel in distress in later games. She’s much more than that.)

Maybe that’s why I started to tear up a bit towards the ending. Lolo knows that Klonoa needs to leave now that the world is saved. So she gave up her title and is determined to try again on her own. Despite that, she still doesn’t want Klonoa to leave and he tells her the same thing Huepow did before they were separated: “We’ll always be together.” It’s bittersweet because you know that these two work so well together but now they’ll never see each other again. Their friendship was a lot more meaningful, just like the whole story for this game.

Phew, that’s all the thoughts I have now! I’ll probably write more if I have anything else, but long story short: I love both Klonoa games and I’m really happy to play them again. I really hope that there will be more Klonoa content in the future, especially because the remake is doing so well. But who knows?

#wysty's thoughts #klonoa #Klonoa Phantasy Reverie #Klonoa Door to Phantomile #klonoa lunatea's veil #klonoa spoilers

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transmasc-wizard · 3 years ago

Note

well now you're to give me an analysis on that calm down juliet song in relation to hope /lighthearted and you don't have to do it if you don't want to

THANK U VERY MUCH FOR ASKING THIS (i wanted to make the post but am fairly sure i've made too many of those unprompted already)

So the song is Calm Down Juliet (What A Drama Queen) by SycAmour, and it's a 'backstory' song. Important context: depending on the song, I either picture the character saying it or having it said to them. With this one, it's important to understand that it's both, depending on the line.

The first lines: hello lovely, I'm Corruption / I just noticed that you seemed a little down / just sign right here, on this line and / I can change your life. These are said to Hope, by other gods. (Specifically, one.) They make a terrible decision, in regards to the rules.

this is a blind shot in the dark / I don't think what you need is love: the god is making a risky choice, and she's not going to baby Hope through this--she'll use any means necessary.

We'll sell your soul like it's gold / like it's gold / like it's gold / like it's gold / sell your soul. It's... exactly what it sounds like, ok? The true moral of Hope's story isn't ~self love~ or ~acceptance~ or ~kindness~, pfft. it's "read your damn contracts more than once".

well I gotta get away from this place / cigarettes and cheap lipstick and get away from all this plastic love and i gotta get the fuck out: Hope's current situation at the time. They're bored and tired and don't fit in--they're one of the newest gods, after all. And then she comes around, giving them a chance to go.

hello darling, name's Seduction / why don't you find something comfortable? / let me take your coat / don't be reluctant, oh. This is the god again, after Hope has signed away everything but before they realized how bad a mistake it was. Hope is living the life, perfect and wonderful, if now obliged to do some Bad Things.

leave all your sorrow at the door / the dead don't need it anymore: wouldn't it be easy? Easy to forget your pain, your sadness? Everyone's gone, anyway.

I told you / I told you / I told you. It was right in the contract; Hope can't leave. She told them, didn't she?

"can I be something? / other than a Sistine wet dream / i'm not a fucking fix for a fiend / what's more, i didn't sign up to be a..." / yes you did. Hope has realized the Shit they've landed in, and that they're still out of place, they're still not wanted, they still don't matter. They want to leave, but... they can't. Because as the god says in the last line: yes, they did sign up for this.

The bridge is by the god: perfume and parliaments to pacify my clientele / we're all mad here, that's why we're living in hell / the desperate, the broken, the homeless / i go and take what i want and i want it now. She's gone mask off; she uses people, tricks them and destroys their lives, for her own gain.

then, again: get out, i gotta get out / get out, i gotta get out and get the fuck out / get the fuck out / get the fuck out. Hope needs out, and they take the only way they know... the people they escaped from. But there is punishment for fucking up, and so they are stripped of their power and prestige, thrown to the earth with barely a note.

But at least they got out.

#asks #MIKA!#moo sick #hope #wip gfs #yeah hope's whole line is a lot about not fitting in or having a place in the world #and ALSO about how we do not have a good system for people who fucked up or were manipulated; we just cast them aside #both of those. especially not fitting in though that's a BIG one #anyway yeah!! this is a VERY good Hope song!!#very backstoryish!!

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jamrockshuffle · 4 years ago

Text

does apocalypse refer to the state of the world being swallowed by the pale? or your particular modus operandi of leaving chaos in your wake?

spotify / youtube

harry du bois playlist; annotations, tracklist, and details under the cut

updated 12/8/2022 - please note; the youtube version updates slower than the spotify one

This playlist is all over the place genre wise, and a bit of a mess- which if you really think about is pretty in character. I’ll add my thoughts to some of the tracks, and will continue to add to the playlist most likely. Also, this playlist isn’t in any sort of “character arc/chronological order” because I’m adding as I go. It would be too much to always shuffle the tracks around.

- Helluva Life / FrankJavCee

Somebody save me I'm fucking crazy You know I did it to myself And now I'm all alone

- Synthetic Symphonies / Fujiya & Miyagi

- The Vagabond / Air

Like a vagabond in the distance Looking for a song to sing A song that'll last all night And for the rest of our lives

- Hand Me My Shovel, I’m Going In! / Will Wood and the Tapeworms

My name was soiled by a last call spill With a backwash swill and the blackout killed me Sober on impact from a fall from grace

- Addvice / Days N Daze

We poison ourselves and don't think twice About the consequence when the crutches feel so nice When we put band aids on our bullet wounds we Subtract good add vice

- Want To Be Free / British Sea Power

On the nose? Yes. Fuck you, I’m including it. Sad FM for life

- Out of This World / Michal Menert

- Alcohol / Sisyphus

- Some Thing’s Coming / I Monster

This song just reminds me of the chaos that seems to surround Harry, and how he drags everyone around him into the madness. Not necessarily in a bad way, though

- Vide Noir / Lord Huron

Many nights have I heard her voice Whisper my name without making a noise Calling out from a pure, black void Tears of sorrow or tears of joy Drops in my cup as my mind is destroyed Staring into a pure, black void

- I Don’t Do Drugs, I Just Sweat A Lot / Bicurious

God, the title of this, the artist name. It’s Harry-core. Also, the weird frantic energy. It’s perfect don’t @ me

- SIMMER DOWN / ionnalee

This one is a little out there mood wise and not super “obvious” like a lot of other songs on this list. The overall message of the song is the artist subverting people’s preconceived notions of her, and what she is “supposed” to do. It’s her going off brand, and freeing herself

- Finally / The Correspondents

Finally, I've grown back the ability to Stop the demons coming in, face the night alone again I'll never feel the cold again as far as I can know

- Problems / Mother Mother

I've got problems Not just ones that are little It's those people problems That's something to consider When you come to dinner at my place

- When I Was Done Dying / Dan Deacon

It’s a drug trip. Not much more to say, other than Inland Empire and Electrochemistry had sex and went batshit on this one

- Kid Midnight / IRONTOM

Oh my god, I fell off the wagon Oh my god, after decking the captain Oh my god, I put myself through hell A little too, a little too, a little too well

- Future Starts Slow / The Kills

- Dark Speed / Failure

(Note: This song has been removed off of spotify) You did it right when you tried to forget it all You did it right when you said it was all your fault Don't change your mind when it's already over Can't change your mind when it's already gone

- Fatherlight / Faded Paper Figures

Hear the city call With faster highways and with alcohol Can we synchronize With time so different, generation-wise?

- Contagious / Night Riots

- Sometimes (Phonovisions Symphonic Version) / Wax Tailor

Songs with a lot of samples like this, sort of interconnected and chaotic in their own way always reminds me of the pale.

- OK / 8 Graves

But in spite of my trying, I feel like I'm dying And I can't hear a word you say All of the drinking and lying, the games that I play Nothing seems to make me feel okay

- Loving the Animal / Superet

Very Dora Ingerlund :(

- Vacant Lot / The Growlers

In the land of the brave And running out of vain Waiting for a guy, silver-eyed Like a bullet train Kinda wishes that he wouldn't show up Cause it's all become a stain Of the terra cotta mud

- Dead Men’s Cigarettes / I Am Kloot

Don’t ask me why, but Harry & Jean vibes (Harry/Jean even, for the discerning gentleman)

- A Northern Soul / The Verve

- Sing Sing / The Bones of J.R. Jones

And wash, you better wash your hands Grab the soap, use your frying pan Cause you've been digging down, burying dead Grass grows tall on the things that you wish that you'd forget

Unrelated, but I love when lyrics don’t rhyme but have like... the same “vowel sound” if that makes sense? Hands, Pan and Dead, Forget. It’s good lol

- Lovecraft in Brooklyn / The Mountain Goats

oh man. where do I begin with this one. cross out Brooklyn and put Jamrock and you’ve got a certifiable disco elysium goldmine of a song

When the sun goes down the armies of the voiceless Several hundred-thousand strong Come out without their bandages Their voices raised in song When the street lights sputter out They make this awful sizzling sound I cast my gaze towards the pavement Too many blood stains on the ground

This part in particular reminds me of the ghosts of the revolution still lingering in Martinaise, and how the city couldn’t seem to forget or be healed from it. you could still see where people were lined up and executed.

Woke up afraid of my own shadow Like, genuinely afraid Headed for the pawnshop To buy myself a switchblade Someday something's coming From way out beyond the stars To kill us while we stand here It'll store our brains in mason jars

cop of the apocalypse at his finest

- Too Far Gone / Sir Sly

Am I too far gone For you to save me, save me How couldn't you see that I was crazy? Can we start from the beginning now? It feels like I'm really living now Maybe, maybe everyone's a little bit jaded Can we start from the beginning now? It feels like I'm really living now

post martinaise harry trying to make amends got me feeling some kinda way. also, I just. feel like this could be directed at Kim, honestly I feel as though Harry probably wouldn’t have climbed out of his hole without him

- Someone Else / Rezz, Grabbitz

This whole song really reminds me of how Harry views Dora. Yes I know a lot of my songs on this playlist is very “sad divorce man” - trust me, I love Harry/Kim why do I keep putting sad divorce man moods in this playlist I wake up in the bed you made The one where you're supposed to lay with me I smell you on the pillowcase But don't see your face, and that's okay with me I never thought I'd see the day (See the day) I'd see you as somebody I could hate I guess that's just the price I pay For the blood-red flags that I walked past every day Who are you when I'm not looking? You're like an angel sent from hell Despite those eyes that hooked me When I'm not looking, you are someone else

- Mine Forever / Lord Huron

Je ne t'oublierai pas Je te laisserai dans la lumière déclinante Puis-tu vivre jusqu'à ta mort Je te verrai dans une autre vie Je te verrai dans une autre vie

(I will not forget you I’ll leave you in the fading light May you live until you die I will see you in another life I will see you in another life)

- Trying / Molotov Jukebox

As the morning begins I begin to pack my things I get my knickers in a twist and I wish and I wish for a short back and sides and a shirt and a tie So I can fit in Put some wind in my sails but I just can't breathe To young to feel this old and old enough to know the weight I'm carrying Obsessed restless mind I wish I knew the right way to fill out my time But I let the alcohol flow and I put on a show but you know

- Stuck In My Id / Reptar

So I've now discovered something lying dormant in my brain I will never let it go, yeah I will never be the same I'm in the middle of a bottomless id Gonna make it with another and another and again There's no hope, no future, no more of these ties to you And when I wake up in the morning My breakfast laid out on my bed Some kind of memory without you, girl She lives and spins inside my head

- Dread Sovereign / Shearwater

- Whispers of the Waves (feat. Gord Downie) / Buck 65

They curse your name... Whisper please, please, please People can be so mean... They call you the drowning machine

- Somebody That I Used To Know / Gotye, Kimbra

- Metal Fingers / Electric President

Stand and move and walk across the water Peel the cover from the city Watch its insides twitch and smoke and rotate endlessly Sinking. Moving deep beneath the water Lots of other worlds exist Soon enough we'll tear them open Soon enough we'll break them too

- The Grey King and the Silver Flame Attunement / The Mountain Goats

I'm hardcore but I'm not that hardcore I'm pretty hardcore but I'm not that hardcore

I think we all know why I put this in

- Bad Habits / Johnny Polygon

Say I'm gon' change Next day I'm back at But I'm still a good person I just got some bad habits

- Restless / UNKLE, Josh Homme

Well I've gone restless, but I don't care I got fifteen bucks worth of savoir faire You wanna step in my way you won't step again I just break it, I just bend, and I resend

- Good Morning / Two Door Cinema Club

Think I already know It's out of my control Found no solution but to let the pieces fall where they fall Even with nothing left, I've got more than you know I wanna let you in and we'll begin

- Terrifyer / AJJ

Then it got personal, I saw my rage I just wanted to rage, but all I got was tired I tried to walk to the building, but the beauty, it brittled me I tried to talk to the waiter, but the beauty gentled me I ran away from the security guard because security guards dishearten me I said goodbye to my dignity, said goodbye to my dignity

- People in the City / Air

- Medicine / Broken Bells

You think hurting gives you license To do anything at all But you gotta take your medicine Allow your hands to lose their grip and let it fall

- avec mes mecs / Humans

- Train Electronic / Younger Brother

Some of the more instrument oriented parts of this song is really reminiscent of the soundtrack :)

- All Your Love / Sir Sly

Clutch until my knuckles white Show my teeth, but never bite Acting like I'm innocent Pushing daisies in a dream Letting out a silent scream

- In the Shade of the Sun / Kapitan Korsakov

Another song that just really fits the soundtrack vibe, can’t really elaborate more than that. It’s just good :)

- Whiskey Fever / Dorothy

- Ce n’est Rien / Nothing But Thieves

There's a hole in the sky And it don't fucking matter Make any sound that you like The crueler the better, it don't fucking matter A mammoth of sound (It don't fucking matter) Volcano of sound (It don't fucking matter) A mammoth of sound

#disco elysium #harry du bois #thanks for coming to my ted talk #fanmix

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prettieparker86 · 4 years ago

Text

The Ghost of You is Close to Me

Pairing: Tommy Shelby x Reader

Warning: Sadness? set pre-WWI

Note: I’ve been trying to find my writer’s voice again. It’s felt lost and so far away from me. I still don’t feel it’s back per say. My previous characters still feel foreign to me. But when I feel the urge to write now, I try to listen. Not quite sure what this is. Watched a WWI movie the other night and this sort of rushed out of me like a flood, so I let it pour. For this I really tried to imagine what Tommy was like before the war based on the little pieces we've gotten from the show. And I wanted to explore the idea that she sensed he'd never come back, which in a way he didn't. His body did, but not the Tommy from before.

I’m not super well versed in the Romani culture and what knowledge I gained in the past feels mostly lost, I apologize. I was trying to find the word for horse, Grast was the closest I could. As with cozonac. I’m not sure if it’s really a traditional food. My research said it was. I’m trying my best. My intention is not to offend. Feedback is always appreciated. Thanks

Don’t know what I’m suppose to do, haunted by the ghost of you.

It only takes the sight of him to send you running. As fast as your horse can take you, holding tight to the notion that as long as you never stop running then he never leaves. You hide away to the place you would always run to as children. Back when Tommy's mum would drag the whole Shelby brood up into the hills, running away from her pitiful life in the city and Arthur Sr.

Its a grove of trees overlooking a deep fertile valley, the spot where you use to steal away as children. Long before you knew adults could run away from their grief as easily as little ones, and there was no mistaking it, you were running. You secure your horse to a tree branch where she can nibble away on the overgrown grass encircling the base of trunk, and settled atop a rock that's yours as much as it is the earth's. A rock that has only grown smaller over the years as you've grown bigger. Your family comes to this hills nearly every spring. As a child it never seemed different, now all you see is the changes.

Everything changes, this you know, but you swear if you just sit there long enough this change won't find you. It wont be so. Tommy wont leave. You're oldest companion. Your dearest friend. Gazing out at the valley blanketed in a tapestry of green hues, shadow and light, as the overcast sky moves above you - you tell yourself he isn't leaving. Even though the steady ache in your heart makes it feel like he's already gone. You miss him, before he's even left. You miss him... The words echo through you in shuddered vibrations that sting at your eyes, even worse at your heart, as a rogue tear manages to break free and make a run down your cheek before you briskly swipe at it.

You can't imagine him not being there. Being unreachable to you. You cant imagine not listening to Tommy's thoughts, his sparks of creativity, or the way he can make you laugh. You cant imagine him not being there. The hole he will leave, the one already opening up inside you feels unbearable, sickening, and you just want it to go away. Who will be there when you need someone most? Who will convince you things will turn out ok or you should keep fighting even when neither feel true? Who will know you? Who will see you? Really see you and genuinely care? You never felt you took his friendship for granted, never mistakenly felt there were others who could fill such big shoes, and yet now, as the chill of a breeze sweeps by you, sending goosebumps to prickle on the flesh of your arms, you wonder if you cherished that gift enough. You wonder if it meant the same to him and if he will miss you as deeply once you're gone.

You try not to think about it. You've been trying not to think about it since you received word Tommy had enlisted. You've kept yourself busy, both in mind and your hands. Filling the moments whenever he would start to creep in. But in the end its pointless. Because the more you try not to think of him, try not to miss him... The more you do. Its like trying to stop the rain by shaking your fist at the heavens. Futile and maddening. You see him when you're with the horses, whispering and enchanting them the way only his tongue and heart can do. You see him in the glow of a campfire where he'd often gets lost in his thoughts, scribbling them down or creating a loose sketch. You see him in the charming smirk of a young man, or a joke he once told you. He's everywhere. Inside you. A part of you. And denying that never made it less true.

And the thought of living without him feels terribly sad and lonely in a way your heart feels pathetic to admit and yet hopeless to reconcile. It isn't any place you want to be and yet you also have the sense to understand you have no say in that. You feel immersed in the overwhelming ache of your heart, the one that's been plaguing you for days now, when you suddenly hear the stir of your horse behind you. You glance back and watch as she pawns happily at the earth beneath her hoofs, snooting and pawing at the ground as Tommy appears nearby. She loves him. They all love him. You've often teased he's more horse than man and no one notices that more then the horses.

Tommy meets her joy with firm pats along her neck and gentles strokes to her mane and nose. "Hey girl" He greets.

Seeing him standing there both fills your heart with joy and deeper sorrow. Lean and strong, his hair tousled from his ride over, with those piercing sapphire eyes that cut you like a knife and see right through you at a glance. The sight of him like an old beloved quilt, comforting and well known, now tattered and tore as he rips from your life.

"Little bird", he says as your eyes meet. A name he gave you so long ago you cant even remember how it came to be.

"Grast", you answer back.

"How did you know I would be here?" You ask as you look away, not wanting him to see the turmoil brewing in your eyes the way you know he will.

Tommy shrugs easily, "Just knew." Just knew because he knows you, in a way most will never get to know you. Same way you trust in the way you know him and the ways he's shares himself with you.

When Tommy comes to sit beside you, it takes every ounce of willpower not to hug him desperately, beg him to change his mind, beg him not to go, but you don't, because you're sure it won't change anything.

"You heard," Tommy says, the grit of his breath stressing the weight of his words.

"You're a damn fool, Thomas Shelby. What did the crown ever do for us?"

He chuckles lightly to the fire on your breath, the bite in your words and you can see in his eyes he knows they only come from a place of love and concern for him.

"They need fighting men to win a war. " He tells you, as he pulls a cigarette from his breast pocket and strikes a match. Telling you things you both already know. As if it were that simple. As if the need for more men didn't come from the loss of the ones they have.

"Well then I oughta sign up. I can fight." You carry on as you snatch the cigarette hanging from his lip. Allowing yourself to feel the anger this situation ignites inside you, because anger feels far more powerful and safe than heartache and fear.

"ey, god help any man that stands between you and your cozonac." Tommy teases you, the crook of his mouth curling as he await your reprisal. Knowing your tales of blunder and greatest mishaps better then anyone. Your stories are his stories, your journeys connected.

You gasp in mock offense. "He would have eaten it all! Fistin’ it down like the whole roll was his!"

"A good stab of your fork put an end to that, didn' it?"

"He shouldn't have been so greedy." You feign defense and tug hotly at the cigarette, fighting back the smile pulling at the corners of your mouth to match Tommy's devilish grin. A battle you quickly lose as he elbows your side and snatches back his smoke before you jab him back. And just like that you aren't mad anymore. That's something only Tommy can do, make you laugh when you want to cry. Because he knows you... your dearest friend. The keeper of your secrets, biggest fears, and dreams. It's a gift to be known. An even bigger gift to be known and cherished for who you are. You never thought it wasn't, but you didn't realize how much you needed that gift until it was being taken away.

You both grow quiet against the steady decent of the sun at your backs. The low crinkle of burning paper fills and hovers in the space around you both as his cigarette burns down, subtle like the smoke dancing in swirls past his lips. Its the quiet moments that haunt you now. The hours and space he once filled in your life. The echoing loneliness that you know will only expand and grow in his absence. Those hours eat at you, devour you. Gnawing away until you feel raw and desperate to make them stop, because you swear you can't take another moment in that place. Only this time you know it wont stop. There will be no reprieve, no mercy, your best friend is leaving and you can't stop him. And when he's gone, this- This torturous way of existence, with its crawling of time, absence of joy, and echoing loneliness, it will fill the space his light once illuminated in your life. Like thick dark clouds rolling in over the backcountry hills to settle in around you and call you there home.

Tommy has his reasons, none more then Greta you suspect but you cant help but feel he's choosing the war over you, that he's abandoning you, as preposterous as you know that notion is. But there's nothing logical about missing someone. You can't reason it away with facts and rationality. And it doesn't care that it feels like it's killing some part of you. Nobody tells you missing someone is a physical sensation, a state of being above all else - like an empty or upset stomach, like a punch to the chest or falling off a horse that leaves you winded. It's not merely a thought and it's more than an emotion. You feel it in your bones, the tight hollows inside you, the vibrating ache of longing, the chill that settles in under your skin.

Sitting quietly side by side, you rest your head upon his shoulder. All the girls love Tommy, they always have. With his charming smile, deep set eyes that reach into the soul with a glance, and his devilish humor, its easy to see why so many would be drawn to him. And there was a time even you were too, but there was always too many things in the way and what you've built instead is deeper and more intimate because its not bound to the fickle confines of romance.

Closing your eyes, you can see it all so clearly in your mind. Replaying like a reel at the pictures... Wading in knee high murky pond water and reeds in search of frogs to catch. Covered in filth from head to toe as you battled on rain soaked mud hills with John to see who would be crowned king of the mountain. Sneaking off with mum's herbs and spices into the woods to craft witches brew and cast magic. Building campfires from dried old birch tree branches by the moonlight, to bathe in the scent of it, and tell old spine-chilling tales. Gazing up at the stars on warm summer night, seeing who could count the most. Lying awake late at night by candle light trying to read each other's mind. Hiding in the haystack to terrorize Arthur and any unlucky girl he tried to steal away with for a moment alone. Dragging you off to your first pub in Birmingham and knocking some bloke on his ass when he tried to get handsy. Trying to teach you to drive on slick muddy streets, as you swore at him like a sailor when he wouldn't stop laughing. The keeper of your deepest secrets as you are of his. The person who tried to offer you hope in your darkest moments and celebrated you greatest success. Who genuinely listened to you and sought out your thoughts on matters. The person you trusted most with the innerworkings of your heart and mind. The one you trusted would be there.

All of it feels like yesterday. The memories still fresh and vivid. The thought there wont be more to make constricts your windpipe, tightens your heart, as tears you couldn't possibly hold back any longer fill dangerously to the brim of your eyes... You don't know how to do this. You don't know how to live this. You don't know how to say goodbye to him. To let him go. Watch him disappear from your life. And the truth is... You don't wanna know. You don't want to say goodbye. And a part of you feels hurt this seems so easy for him, though you don't actually know it is. And the part of you that knows Tommy's heart, suspects it isn't so easy for him to say goodbye to you either.

The thought you might never speak to him again leaves a frantic feeling trying to rip free from your chest. How do you find peace when you long for someone still there but just beyond your reach, drifting further out to sea by the moment? How do you let them go when everything inside you screams to pull them back in? The tears feel warm as they fall down your chilled cheeks onto the shoulder of his jacket. He can't see your tears, but you swear he can feel them as he pats at your knee in an old comforting gesture you've grown to trust will be there. As Tommy pulls away, you fight with the urge to rapidly wipe away your tears and keep your pride. But as your eyes meet, you realize there's no room for pride here. Staring into his eyes you fear the silence that's already invading the space he holds.

But then he touches your face and you remember to breathe. Though his hands are rough from work, the pad of his thumb feels soft, full, and steady against your skin as he gently wipes away at the tears fallen on your face.

"I'm coming back." Tommy promises you, and you want to believe that more then you've ever wanted to believe in anything. That he will return to you. But you've heard the news of the war, the dyer news that continues to abound. And something deep and sharp within you whispers it isn't true. He isn't coming back, and that quiet piercing whisper radiates more loudly within you then the words on his lips.

"Let's make a fire," Tommy suggests as he gives your knee a final pat. You can see in his eyes he's trying to mend your heart, soften the blow. A solemn smile of acknowledgment creeping around the corners of his mouth, as if anything in the world can be solved by a stiff drink or roaring campfire.

You nod in agreement, there's nothing the dancing flames, glowing embers, crackling branches, and heady smoky aroma can't clear from your mind. Nothing like bathing in a campfire to wash your mind and soul clean.

You rise from the rock in slow unison. You gaze across the rich fertile valley below as it slowly descends into darkness all around you. Vibrant greens from early now turning to deeper winter tones as night begins to envelope all that you see. This place you know. This man you know. As you turn back to Tommy, watching as he moves past the horses.

Your eyes fall closed for a moment as you call to him. You pray he can hear you. The way he use to when you were children lying awake late at night, pretending there was magic between you. "Dearest friend... I love you and perhaps I always will. I see you're headed on a road, and I don't know where it leads, but you will take a part of me with you. It's been yours a long time. I hope you remember its there, I hope you protect it and treasure it. But I won't stand in your way, because that's what it means to love someone more then yourself." You whisper to him, not with your lips but from that place in your heart that already belongs to him. The one he gets to keep. You embrace the truth that your world will never feel the way it did before. You will never feel like you did before. That a part of you dies with him as he slips away. You acknowledge this new reality for what it is, whether you know how to live it or not, whether you even want to.

You take a deep breath and slowly open your eyes.

He's gone.

#tommy shelby #thomas shelby #thomas shelby imagine #thomas shelby fanfic #tommy shelby imagine #tommy shelby fanfic #peaky blinders imagine #I'm trying my best

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salenakingston · 4 years ago

Text

Mystery March Day 29 - Character

(It’s time for another gift fic for this prompt. This time it’s for @unbridled-trash’s guardian AU. Tbh, this prompt was a little hard, because I didn’t want to go for the obvious, so I went with the ‘judge of character’ approach, and this au was perfect for this. I hope you like it <3)

He was so sure of this, getting his revenge on the one that so unjustly wronged him. It was perfect. Track him down, recreate the very same cave, then allow that former friend to suffer the same fate he had. He’d made the conscious decision to carry out this plan, to release the blond over the same pit of spikes he had once turned his gaze on. The second to last thing to see before his life was cut short.

But the longer he watched, the more he began to regret his actions. It was as if time slowed, everything around them was in slow motion, his mind racing. Why did Arthur sound so surprised to see him? Had he not recognized him prior to this point? No.. it couldn’t have just been that. He’d seen it at the last second, a glint of metal that clung to his arm before being dropped. He never had that before. Where had it come from? His left arm? Wait.. that’s the one that pushed him.

Speaking of the release, the blonde didn’t even make any attempt to continue clinging to his limb. His fingers could have curled into the fabric of his suit, yet they slipped just as easily. It was almost as if he had done it on purpose. Was the shock too much?

Greater than all those factors was the aftermath. Arthur was falling, but rather than seeing a revenge plot carried out, all he could see was his screaming face, falling again as he had all those months again. There was something missing here, and this was not the way to do it. The locket faded far greater than before, multiple cracks racing along the surface. Anger was vanquished, and the ghost dove for his friend.

Arthur was caught by the arms, inches away from death. The illusion faded, both men planting their feet down on metal rather than stone. The blonde broke out of his spell, somehow finding a smile appearing over his face. Hands found their way to his chest, doubt filling his mind as his friend spoke, “Lewis, it’s you! I-”

Tears were falling down from his face. This just further proved that there was more to this story… but what was he supposed to say? The flames making his hair fell over his eyes as his skull turned down, as if he was now ashamed of everything he had done prior to this point. It didn’t stop the blonde from talking, “I missed you so much!”

A strange feeling washed over him… what was that?

“Arthur…”

His tears wouldn’t cease, “God Lew, I’ve been looking for you for months. I almost thought I wouldn’t-”

He’d been looking for him? Did he not remember what he had done in the first place? If that was the case, then how unjust would it be to bring the blonde his death for a cause he couldn’t understand? He would be no better than the one he believed to be his murderer. He couldn’t do this anymore.

“Arthur.”

“Sorry! What is it?”

Their hands were gripped together. He couldn’t look his friend in the eyes. He didn’t deserve it, not after what he had just attempted. There was another wave of that strange feeling washing over him. His eyes fell on his arm, a terrifying observation made. It was subtle, but he could see the shine of the metal floor on the other side of it. He was disappearing. Oh…

“Arthur, I’m so sorry-”

“About the whole ‘trying to kill me’ thing? Lewis it’s fine-”

Why did he have to make this so hard? He swore he could feel the cracks along his locket deepen, “Arthur, I can’t stay.”

Confusion appeared on his friend’s face, “What?”

Another glance at his arm showed the pace of his fading. It wouldn’t be long until he was gone, and the blonde would not have to worry about the threat on his life anyone… his search all being in vain… He didn’t want to go, but what choice was there? Fade with his anger gone, or continue to linger on trying to kill? Even if he chose the latter, it would all come to an end at one point, or their relationship would be so damaged that there would be nothing to save.

“I’m not angry anymore, there’s nothing keeping me here. I haven’t got much time left-”

As if some higher being heard him, the whole of his form became see through, “I’m not ready Artie. I don’t want to go.” He could feel tears form in his sockets, falling along his skull as his eyes finally fell back down on Arthur.

Fear crossed his friend’s face, his own tears coming back in full force. The smile he once held was quick to fall. His voice rose, terror at knowing what this meant striking his very being, “Then stay!! You can’t just leave, not now!! I’ve only just found you!!!”

His voice fell again, replaced with a plea, “Please!”

He pulled the blonde into a tight embrace, his skull hanging over his shoulder. He felt Arthur’s own arms move around his back, clinging to him as if holding onto him would keep him from disappearing. How much he wished his friend had that kind of power. He could only accept this outcome, holding his friend just as tightly before he would be gone, “Arthur, I’m so sorry.”

Arthur’s cries and begging rang through the truck, “No no no no, Lewis please. Not this. No no no.”

Both were in tears, seconds away from his fate. Arthur was still chanting, growing louder and more desperate, “No no no no! Please! No no!”

He heard one finally attempt before he fully faded, “No no no no! Please god no!”

----

Darkness.

It was the only thing he was aware of. He couldn’t really make too much sense of it. Should there be nothing? He was no longer with his friends, unable to keep the hate grown inside his heart. He faded. All his regret rolled around in his head. Why hadn’t he thought to seek out the truth rather than jump straight into revenge? Why did he fight so hard to end his best friend’s life? Why didn’t he see all the signs? Why did he have to leave? Why couldn’t he still be there for Arthur. His friend needed him, and now he was left without a choice. He could still picture the blonde, suffocating in sorrow.

His best friend had been searching for him for so long, only to lose him forever. Why couldn’t he have found a way to get back to him?

“Young one, what ails you?”

A voice? Had he imagined that? He wasn’t sure what to believe. When he first met death, he wouldn’t ever expect he would return as a ghost, the one thing their group was always hunting down. Why should he be surprised now? Really, it didn’t matter. Was this some kind of punishment? To sit here and wallow in his regrets for his afterlife? So long as he was going to be here, why ignore this voice? It held no malice, and it was a small distraction from his racing thought, if only to be something that could ground him rather than drive him insane.

“I didn’t want to leave him. He needs me.”

“Who does?”

“Arthur.”

“What does this ‘Arthur’ mean to you?”

What did Arthur mean to him? Everything. He didn’t deserve to have this success snatched away from him. He still would have his uncle, Vivi, Mystery, and even Galahad, but his imagination went wild. What would he do now? If he’d spent so much time looking for Lewis, then what would happen to him now that he was gone? He didn’t like what his mind came up with. He only wanted to be back with him, “He’s my best friend. We parted on such terrible terms. I want nothing more than to be with him again.”

“Terrible terms?”

“I…” He lost his voice. Why was it this question that made his curiosity on who he was speaking to return? It didn’t deter him for long, “I was so angry with him. I chased him down, I tried to kill him the same way he killed me. I hated him.”

“But you are here.”

“I was wrong! I didn’t see it before because I was so angry! There was more to it, but no time. He was so sad. I can’t leave him there alone. Not after all that.”

“What would you give to be returned to his side?”

What would he give? There was only one answer to that, “Anything.”

“Then you need only open your eyes, young one.”

----

Lewis opened his eyes, gaze meeting the flesh of his hands. Hands? This was impossible. How? He looked along the rest of himself, the same attire he wore in life. He would have believed he’d somehow come back to life until he caught sight of the wings sprouting from his back. Their colors reminded him of the night sky, hints of sparkling like the stars in the sky. His head turned up to see the edge of the halo.

Oh, so he was still dead, but no longer bound by the vengeful grip of his ghost look.

“Oh god Lewis! No!”

A broken voice wailed behind him. There was Arthur. It was as if no time had passed between his disappearance and his unexplained reappearance. Excitement welled inside of him. He’d gotten his wish. Arthur wouldn’t have to be without him anymore. A large smile moved over his face, “Arthur?!”

The blonde must not have heard him, but that didn’t stop him from advancing towards his friend. One arm was stretched out towards him, sobs filling the air. He had to calm the blonde down, “Artie! It’s ok. I’m right-”

He nearly froze when he saw his hand phase through Arthur’s back, “here…”

“Please come back!”

But he did! He was right here! He pulled his hand back, staring down at it. He’d gotten his wish, but he was invisible to the one person who needed him the most. Had he still had his heart, it probably would have been racing. Instead, sadness gripped at him. He was here for Arthur, but at what cost?

“We grant you your wish young one, but your misdeeds can not go unpunished. You shall be his guardian angel, helping him, watching over him, but never seen. Perhaps in time your debt will be paid. Until then, make every use of this chance you have been given.”

#MysteryMarch2021 #mystery skulls animated #msa au #my writing #my submission #day 30 coming soon #It will be done before I go to bed

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marireadshellblazer · 4 years ago

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Hellblazer Issue #9

Beinveneu, Power Bottoms!

The issue starts off once again hammering home the kind of world John lives in. Glimpses like this of what everyday life is like in John's world are so important for world building. We aren't simply being told the place is bad, we are seeing example after example of problems that are inescapable in his environment. Homelessness, prostitution, domestic violence, murder, etc in all it’s gory and disturbing glory. John walks by all this, not getting involved, meaning that this is at least somewhat normal for him. Yet, it still disturbs him; he isn't really numb to all the chaos and darkness around him. He isn't some hardened "badass" who fears nothing. He understands perfectly well that this isn't ok, but good or bad this is still normal in his world. And I think that he feels powerless to do anything about it.

It could also be that seeing these things all around him has to do with his depressive state. That is, the bad parts of society are so obvious to him because that is what he is choosing to focus on. He sees himself as down in the gutter with this dark side of society. I’m not saying this is all in his head or anything, but I think that his feeling that the world is coming down around him inside is reflective of how he is looking at the outside world. In issues like this one John is largely in his own head. Therefore, the world around him naturally reflects his perspective as opposed to what it is/might be like in reality. When you’re sad the world can feel like it’s rushing on around you, happy and oblivious to sorrow, which gives a heightened sense of loneliness. When you’re worried or anxious, time may seem to be either too fast or too slow, and over sensitivity may make the people around you seem rude, or again oblivious, to the problem even if it’s so obvious to you personally. In John’s case, his guilt and feelings of uselessness and failure cause him to hyper focus on the things that degrade the world around him; the literal destruction in the world around him. This destruction and darkness just keeps pulling him in further, victimizing him the way he victimized the people in his life. The humanoid figures chasing him and the oil trying to claw at him are manifestations of how his mind is further falling into depression and self-loathing. His attention keeps going back to the wreaking ball taking out chunks of a brick building nearby, which reflects how the stress and anguish he feels is taking out chunks of him inside. The pain is eroding his hard outer shell that allows for him to keep it together in the face of danger and madness.

In my opinion, issues where John is our narrator, waxing poetic, are some of the best ones. I just love it. But for the life of me, I’m not able to really explain exactly why.

Happy birthday, indeed.

One thing that, according to what I have read, makes Hellblazer stand out as a comic is that it doesn't really engage in "comic book time"; that is, unlike most comics or shows like Pokémon, the main character isn't 10 years old the entire series. John actually ages in real time. In this chapter, he turns 35, and a few issues later, 5 years after this issue came out, John turned 40. By the end of the series he is getting up close to 60. So, fun little trivia piece there.

All the stress, guilt, and just the everyday gloom have caught up to John on what I imagine is not a happy holiday for him. Poor John.

Beautiful, John. Just lovely.

Be careful what you wish for, hun.

As far as I can tell, I think the D.T. the man is referring to is delirium tremens, which is a symptom of alcohol withdrawal. I agree, not something you want.

I love that in John’s periods of overwhelming self-pity and self-loathing he becomes quite the poet. Honestly, this issue as a whole is really well written.

Also, he manages to light himself on fire. Oh John…

I’m pretty sure this is a reference to a novel by Richard Fariña.

The scene where John pulls himself back together is just awesome. It’s like that hard outer shell is shaking him like “get it together!!” I just love it.

Something that stood out to me is that the wreaking ball comes in and destroys the couch he had been sitting on after his conversation with himself. He leaves the spot where he was ready to just give in and it’s taken out by the wreaking ball that had been serving as a metaphor for his self-hate the whole issue. He destroys the idea of giving up and just letting things go. Things like this are a great reminder of why I love comics. Imagery like this, even though it can be done through written word, hits different when the imagery is presented through art.

Oh man…Zed. Back in the fold. John really does represent freedom for her. I just feel so bad for her. Her situation is terrible, and she knows that running away will only make things worse and, in the end, unless she’s dead there’s no escape. Cults are scary. I’m glad that they have this understanding despite her insistence on staying. There is a kind of love and trust there. Which John then promptly betrays. I do like their relationship and I wish she could have been around a bit longer.

Their scene together is really a beautiful moment. There’s sadness, there’s passion, and it ends with John realizing that he’s once again gone through with yet another betrayal.

Swamp Thing showing up totally changes the tone. Just wham! And now for something completely different!

Dick move taking over his ciggs. Like dude, those are expensive.

I love this issue. All around good time.

I’m feeling this on a spiritual level rn

#Issue 9 #reading #thoughts #Hellblazer

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icecreamkink · 4 years ago

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so i watched cobra kai all in two days and i have so many -

this show has so many cool and smart angles to it, but the same time.... its so stupid oh my god everyone is so dumb literally mr miyagi held all of the braincells in this whole universe

like i am but at the same time i am not surprised it was made like this, bc in hindsight of course there were hordes of ppl simping over johnny lawrence .... but it still amuses me that this is like... an Actual Official Thing

ok this will get long so cut it is

how much fun this cast has is super visible and i love it

i rly enjoy how the world was expanded ! i did grow up watching the karate kid movies, so watching how they progressed the world of the movies so organically was pretty cool. it rly feels like its the same universe

i fucking LOVE stories that are largely about a Thing. dancing ,skating, sports its just so thrilling to experience this all consuming relationship people can have with this type of activity? and martial arts are just that much more intense, so yeah, grown ass men kicking each other around at the lightest provocation and a war veteran caring so much abt teen karate is Ridiculous.... but i love it all because thats the intensity i find so thrilling

was kinda surprised with how much im missing mr. miyagi. first because, like everyone is so unhinged jesus christo, it just really throws into relief how much his character grounded the narrative of the movies. but also hes just a really great character

and on that note it rly Gets Me that the show itself aknowledges that and plays that into daniels angst and all the little ways they sorta weave myiagisms into the whole show........ im not getting emotional over this dumb karate dads show OK

related - i really miss hearing ‘daniel-san’ 🥺🥺

ACE DEGENERATE oh god oh no

they really went down the down and out johnny lawrence route huh. like i was always kinda bummed we see kreese choking him and then we never see him again in the movies, and while i love dumpster fire problematic trash himbo ck johnny, its like......................... actually really sad that his life turned out like this fjngn

everytime i hear ‘babes’ and ‘pussy’ i die a little inside. i know thats the point but i am a v cringe easy person, have mercy (ehe)

loved the way they are constantly drawing parallels between johnny and mr. myiagi of all people. hes the handy man of his building that has a bullied kid asking for help and eventually steps up to teach them karate, beats up a bunch of bullies for him, creates a friendship with said kid, estranged from family, drinks his sorrows away, surprisingly one of the least quick to anger characters (which says more about everyone else really but.... Well.), no schemes or ulterior motives hes just tryna vibe here.... oh and ofc magically heals miguel of is asthma apparently. the true disciple.. meanwhile daniel is his usual messy petty self even tho he wants to be mr myiagi so bad

also interesting about that is how miguels character is a parallel of both johnny and daniel at the same time

overall the parallels in ck are done really well, drawing comparisons and also subverting them constantly. theyre well thought out

THE PARALELOGRAMS

fr tho, the angle being explicitly the cycle of trauma and its effects and how trumatized adults in turn traumatize kids, maliciously or not, is so interesting

but! on the flip side of that, it feels like the writers are getting in their own way @ letting the characters grow. especially this last season. theres only so many times you can do "johnny and daniel are getting along but 5mins later they are (literally) fighting over some dumbass random issue" or "johnny puts in 20% of effort with robby and then gives up" before it gets on your nerves yknow?

i see daniel no longer talks like macchio ingested 15 shots of espresso before every take and idk how to feel about that tbh

interesting tension in daniel, as in, in tkk mr miyagi was there and daniel was frankly, kind of a lil shit, this messy petty spitfire hot tempered sassy kid,(johnny lawrence voice: just... stop being so annoying) but now hes the adult, and he wants to be mr. miyagi... but hes just not, and never will be to his very core and it shakes him and in a way hes trying to find who he is now that he sees himself in a position to be a not! cobra kai figure. i kinda really like that

plus how that relates to his cobra kai trauma. idk if the writers thought abt it Like That, i think so, but in any case, its interesting bc it seems like daniel has told everyone whod listen about johnny lawrence his Pretty Boy Karate Rival and high school and 84 cobra kai... But. no one seems to know what went on in 85 (or 86? idk) which was just so much worse

like ye og cobras were shitheads, but tkk iii is just two hours of daniel being emotionally and physically tortured.

like, the third movie is.............chaotic, to put it nicely, and many people ignore it, but the writers clearly didnt. daniels actions are, in a way, responding so much more to the events of tkk iii than to the first movie ie. johnny himself, AND. daniel doesnt rly seem to have dealt with that trauma? he never told sam? doesnt feel like hes ever told amanda? he doesnt even say terrys name out loud? freaks Out over kreese ? the way he reacts to robbys deceit? his FACE when he walks past the new "fear does not exist in this dojo" paint or kreeses photo? hmMm i sense Pain

his fashion tho........... disappointing. where are the flower shirts daniel huh we had one (1) shirt what a tragedy STOP WEARING SUITS ALL THE TIME . also the band ts/grunge bi are a look for johnny but part of me longs for the preppy lovable 80s bully chic johnny lawrence getups

weird that they never used that last moment of karate kid where johnny kinda... snaps out of his anger and hands daniel the trophy almost in tears. like “youre alright larusso, good match” “thanks a lot” that being their last direct interection seems like itd be perfect fruit for cobra kai but... they just dont. weird.

especially when, the FIRST SCENE they see each other, suposedly in 30+ years, the first thing to come out of daniels mouth is QUOTE "u still got those golden locks huh?" WHO SAYS SHIT LIKE THAT DANIEL FUCKING SAN

also amandas immediate reaction "your pretty boy rival?" like. can we talk about the fact that daniel had to have imparted to his wife the very important information that his high school bully/karate rival was like Really Cute and Fucking Hot Actually

the writers Knew exactly what they were doing and honestly.............. power to them

tkk director voice: and billy was just so cute

also I was thinking that daniel sounded strangely fond in that first scene, and i wonder if he developed a weird affection for johnny on the grounds that of all of his Karate Rivals johnny was actually the only one who didn’t actively tried to literally kill him

i was actually delightedly surprised with how great the chemistry between them is, like from the get go i am Invested. their rl friendship totally bleeds through and its fantastic

. granted, idiots enemies to lovers friends is my Thing so i am biased

johnny lawrence: i am down in the dumps, i fucked up my whole life and my sons probably, largely in light of the trauma that the father figure sensei and the philosophy of my karate inflicted on me and all my friends. u know what i should do, as a traumatized, unreliable mess of an adult? teach that same philosophy to some other kids! what could go wrong!

but really i enjoy the setup of it. i kinda like that i watched it late because, season 1 was johnny setting himself up for failure in a way and it was exciting to watch it all go to shit sjfn

Like. his heart might be in the right place, but theres just.... not a way to teach something like ‘strike hard, no mercy’ and not have it fuck up a kid

case and point: aisha, miguel and hawk become annoying as all hell over that bullshit in the end of s1, even before shit gets truly fucked up

billys subtle panicked eyes when he sees hawk and miguel fighting dirty in the all valley was SO GOOD especially in parallel with the panic that is so visible in his face in the movie when kreese tells bobby to injure daniel and in the sweep the leg scene

seen people question wether kreese should have returned and i absolutely think he needed to. johnny needed to realize that cobra kais fundamentals are flawed, at the root, beyond kreese himself being a toxic piece of shit

also who are we kidding? we are here to see the tkk characters play on new playgrounds!

i get what they're doing abt kreeses backstory, ( also. cobra kai. pq eles caem nas cobras djjs sorry) but did it need to take up that much time? feels like they couldve done it in half the run time and developed some other stories better

martin kove has such an evil eye. i love it

love that we get a good follow up to kreese breaks johnnys trophy and tries to CHOKE HIM in the parking lot, which happened in the movie and then....................... was never mentioned again

“the gang is all back together again” aaaa u piece of SHIT

also. terry silver is definetely appearing ha ha ha PAIN i cant wait

seen ppl say kreese was too much of a cartoon villain like..........................oh......... sweetie........... u dont even Know

interested how johnny will fit into that bc kreese was simping rly hard for johnny here. like i did not expect him to be so adamant to have him with cobra kai ... under his control, sure, but he really wants johnny by his side despite already having control of the dojo and how will terry silver self appointed jon kreeses forever simp going to feel abt that?

like bitchs dropping by every episode like ‘joooooohnny ..... come bacc to me joooonny......... this ur last warning! for real this time johnny! i wont say it again! watch me ! im leaving johnny! im rly leaving ! im dragging a chair” and johnny is just like. dont let the door hit ya bitch it was so funny pls

and on that subject oof, johnny! doesnt! Know! he doesnt get that side of daniels cobra kai trauma. and i kind of.............. cannot wait for ck 2021 johnny lawrence to meet terry silver like. what a shit show i need a front row seat and popcorn (imagine terry tries some greasy charm and johnny just roundhouse kicks him in the teeth bc he just doest Not Have the Patience for This. glorious)

feels like we, as a society, should acknowledge that cobra kai will never die................ bc their sense of design is just chefs kiss. their name is COBRA KAI. they have sexie sleeveless black gis. theyve sneks. colorful leather jackets with embroided naja insignia, the get ppl thru the aesthetics. evil geniuses

the flashback cuts : masterpiece behavior

the other takes!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! of the movie!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! the differente angles!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! of the FIGHT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! THE CLOSE UP ON JOHNNYS FACE AT THE KICK

that scene of daniel and johnny vibing to 80s music in the car. just. oh my god. the fan wish fullfilment. no thoughts head empty.

the new characters! theyre .... good. but. idk. i really like miguel (save for the annoying phase mid s1 - end s2) and amanda, who is a damn riot and has some functioning braincells, but everyone else is

like dont get me wrong, i dont hate anyone,its not a jane and rafael from jtv situation, and i am interested and invested in their arcs, but i wouldnt say i like Like them, as in, personality wise

like, sams grappling with ptsd was rly gutting and i enjoyed that plus her slight rage issues,

which nicely parallel torys rage issues. torys background is all over the place tho so im pretty on the fence abt her so far

robby deserves better in every way, and i like how smart and cunning and surprisingly sweet he is

hawk............... is there i guess,

demetri is annoying in the best way possible,

carmen is sweet but. i just feel like her character is blunted to make the johnny relationship easier. like when shes furious with him after miguels injury but then forgives him like an episode later? and then convinces him to fight for the tournament bc she had a karate epiphany off screen even tho she was always against it? meh. feels like with the plot thiccening she was swallowed and now shes like a crutch for johnny mora than anything, which is disappointing.

aisha was cool and im kinda mad she wasnt in s3, especially bc a storyline with her tory and sam was like RIGHT THERE , but also... cant say i was super super fond of her... doesnt feel like we ever spent enough time on her

moon the bi icon,

overall its a good cast but the main draw for me remains the og cast

the tory/sam miguel/robby Thing. enjoy how theyre Narrative Foils and i like how their stories were so dramatically entangled but oh god give me a break with the teenage love square for the love of god. if u gonna put us through that at least have the decency to not make it so straight

and honestly some sam/tory miguel/robby romantic tension would even make more sense. just saying!

also im not sure how i feel abt the cobra kai: red miyagi do: blue theyre going with since some of daniels most iconic looks in tkk are also red. like it was a color they (johnny and him) sorta shared. i get it, opposite but complementary but idk... a little too fire nation and water tribe for me .

and like the cobra kai kids are so funny abt it bc their outifts grow progressively more ridiculously coordinated. its like do they group chat every morning before leaving their houses?

robby still sticks out like that tho. he went thru an athleisure/daniel san tsleeves phase and now hes back in the bandts grunge, but his color scheme doesnt fully blend with the other cobra kais. hmmmm.

LOVED LOVED LOVED both the okinawa episode and the cobra kais easy rider episode just such good good heart aching fun

bobby is an icon. he was in tkk and he is now ck hope appears more and more

tommy is like the most iconic background character. all his lines, freaking gold then and now. sigh :(

the framing in the okinawa trip was so good everything was so good

i stand by the fact that kumiko was the love interest daniel had the most chemistry with and shes is overall such a joy to watch, loved to see her again, idola, fashion icon

also tkk ii is good u guys are just mean

also really enjoyed chozens role in the episode, his evolution; i love that they introduced the pressure points (ty lee the blueprint) and! the honk + karate! cousins! absolutely iconic

when kumiko reads mr miyagis letters........ oh my god, my eyes FILLED with tears, it was so heart wrenching :(( tamlyns delivery was so emotional and lovely and its so obvious everyone involved in ck has so much love and respect for pat morita and mr miyagi as character, and i adore that it exists like this electric current through the show

when we were watching i told my sister i thought that ali would be miguels big shot surgeon and ngl i am so disappointed that didnt happen. hire me cobra kai writers

also the johnny ali daniel amanda chemistry? off the charts

AND the sassy retconning of daniel and alis breakup! LMAO ‘I HOPE U DIDNT TELL MR MIYAGI IT WAS MY FAULT’ HFDJJGNKFKSD

i am preeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeetty sure back injuries dont work like that but oke

daniel and johnny are so good together whenever, like they never actually help the kids or get shit done and end up fighting anyway but its just so much fun when theyre hanging

JOHNNY LAWRENCE AND DANIEL LARUSSO FIGHTING TOGETHER

daniels “plan” on how to get robby to juvie was so stupid. literally were u TRYING to make him hate you. dumbass

parents at those hearing rly brave for ppl that did not do ANYTHING as their kids got involved in a karate gang war until now

“bullshit i heard u were the real bully!” i mightve screeched

this s3 ending was SO DRAMATIC omg

everyone is such a MESS go to THERAPY u unhinged motherfckers

also im sorry but uh. a richass neighborhood in california doesnt have some type of neighborhood watch? the larussos rly dont have any security at all? neighbors wont hear the sound of a damn karate brawl happening next door??? also wasnt tory all like ooo i cant go to juvie, my mom yada yada yet shes always running around town getting into fights even at the rich girls house she was kicked out of school for fighting?? ? ?? ?? ? ? ? ?? ? ? girl??

stop destroying the larussos house, its so pretty :((((

sam finding her center looking at mr miyagis picture... uwu maybe

robby yelling ‘U ARE WEAAK’@ johnny \as he is easily blocking him is like.... so funny and so sad to me. sweetheart.

also i know it was meant as ‘oh johnny pushes him and HURTS HIM’ but it just looks like robby runs himself into the lockers and IM SO SORRY I FEEL SO BAD BUT IT WAS SO FUNNY

i like that he and tory are the cobra kai kids now. we need ppl we care abt there to not revert to a good vs evil schtick, and this is the most engaging it could be... tho it hurts that these kids cant catch a break

ah yes "lets bet some real shit on the result of this teen karate tournament bc that is always a great idea" is BACK

so daniel saves johnny from kreese..... maybe johnny will save him from terry 🧐

and dojos unite ohohoho. lets SEE how that’ll work out

miguels face of Despair when the ck defectors and the md kids are bickering like 'this is never gonna work' : gold

also. Johnny Lawrence is gonna learn some myiagi-do karate AHAAHSJAKDFH

ive been waiting for this moment all my lifeeee oh lawrd

final thoughts! there are def things i hope the writers will improve on the next season, but i am very excited for it either way AND i feel like it has made me enjoy the movies even more and that is a win for a reboot/sequel to me!!

#m.#did i procrastinate watching this since it came out and only watched it now bc my sister nagged me to when i said we should #watch karate kid over the holidays?#and then binged the whole thing in two days??#mayhaps and what abt it #cobra kai #the karate kid #its funn #y bc like karate kid is a Childhood movie but i wouldnt say #it was like particularly special for me?#like i wasnt in a fandom or anything #but now.#i might be invested #maybe #talvez

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lia-jones · 3 years ago

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Growing Together - Chapter Twenty- One - Ghostlight

To my grandmother Mina, who inspired this character. Thank you for never leaving me alone. I am who I am because of you.

The next morning was not an ordinary morning. It was a morning heavy with doubts and despair. For how can a parent endure the threat of having their own child ripped from their arms? How can someone deal with such a loss?

Victor, however, was characteristically proficient in setting his feelings aside, focusing only on the solution. He would have to find a way to keep his son safe, and he would have to find it fast, as he couldn’t bear to see his wife like this, riddled with worry. As soon as he felt her breath become even and deep, the exhaustion of the day winning over fear, he decided he would use the quiet of the dark to think of a solution. He spent the night on his leather sofa, whiskey in hand, surrounded by every legal book he owned, in search of an epiphany. He wouldn’t be able to sleep anyway. He would sleep later, enjoying the glow of his happy wife, when they had solved the matter at hand.

As the sunbeams started to touch the wooden floors of the spacious living room, Victor rose his eyes from the pages filled with legal terms, sighing both in exhaustion and frustration. The lawyers would know better than him, anyway. At that moment, his most pressing matter was waking up his family and feeding them properly, but not before texting his assistant to schedule a meeting with his personal legal team at the earliest opening.

He was surprised to find the bed empty and neatly made. He entered the bathroom only to find it untouched, no fog from a hot shower, no towels used. In fact, the bathroom smelled like it had just been cleaned.

“Andy?” He called again, hearing some noise from the other side of the hall.

The laundry room was warm compared to the rest of the apartment, a strong scent of fabric softener lingering in the air. Victor was surprised to see several baskets filled with folded freshly clean laundry on the laundry room’s counter.

“You did all this? How long have you been here?”

“Owen needs his soccer gear clean by tomorrow.” She answered from behind the dryer’s door.

“You didn’t need to do all this. You could have asked the housekeeper.” He helped her hold it, taking a few steps back to stretch it.

“I couldn’t sleep and you weren’t there.” Andrea focused on folding one of Owen’s t-shirts. “And there is no use thinking about that woman, there is nothing I can do about her. This, I can do.”

“Ok, forget about the laundry. Come here.” Victor took her hand gently.

“I mean, I can’t make him stay, but I can do his laundry, right?” Her voice faltered slightly.”At least I can do that. I get to be his mom for now.”

Victor slowly wrapped his arms around his wife, enveloping her in a soothing embrace.

“We will solve this, there is nothing to be worried about.” He held her tightly, whispering into her hair.

“She’s his grandmother, his blood. No judge will refuse her custody.” She spoke into his chest, and he could feel her tears staining his sweater. “There’s nothing we can do.”

“There is plenty we can do. We’ll talk to the legal team today.”

He swayed gently, almost lulling her to calmness. It was evident that this was extremely painful for her, her last shot at motherhood, and still they were struggling. After a while, he felt her relax a little. He gently took her chin and lifted it, making her look at him.

“Go take a shower and get dressed. I’ll prepare a nice breakfast for us and get Owen ready, ok?” He kissed her temple, as his hand guided her by the small of her back towards their bedroom.

Andrea entered the bedroom and stepped into the shower, hearing his husband turn on the mixer in the kitchen. She couldn’t care less about breakfast, she wasn’t even sure she would be able to eat. Part of her was angry at Victor for being so calm while she felt like the faintest breeze would make her fall apart. She understood what he was doing, he was being strong for her. He was putting aside his own feelings for her benefit, he was ignoring his own fear to deal with hers, but that was not what she wanted. Part of her wanted him to cry with her, so she wouldn’t feel so unhinged. So… alone.

With a sigh, she turned on the hot water, letting it slide gently over her body, washing away the tension and the tears. Victor was in fight mode, that’s what it was. He would not let that woman take their son, and Andrea would fight for him too, with all her might, but… She wasn’t sure they should. Pamela was Owen’s family, the family he didn’t know he had. If he was at the orphanage and she showed up, it would be a reason for joy, not sorrow. Who were they to take him from his biological family, under the pretense that they got to him first? What if Pamela really had turned her life around, and wanted to give a good life to Owen? With his grandmother, he would learn more about his mother, about his past, about his culture. He would know where he got his red curls from or his sweet brown eyes. Although Andrea and Victor could provide him a good future, all they had from his past was some old pictures and his mother’s suicide letter, which she probably wrote in desperation. Maybe Rebecca would have forgiven her mother if she was in a better place mentally.

On another hand, although she hated to admit it, she felt exhausted. She let herself believe that she could be a mother, only to fail miserably. Her body was the first to betray her, with a bleeding womb and lifeless eggs, and now society was failing her as well, taking away her adoptive son. Maybe she should accept the fact that it would never happen, and stop trying altogether. She made herself sick for feeling this way, but she couldn’t help it. She had gone through so much hurt, fought so hard already. Laying down the sword and relinquishing the battle seemed like the only feasible option now. Maybe the wise choice would be to let go of Owen and just embrace her fate.

Her heart shrunk with guilt as she walked into the kitchen to find Victor and Owen happily bantering, preparing breakfast together. They were so happy. If there was a higher power, how could it not want them to have that?

“Mom! Mom! Look what I did for you!” Owen showed her a plate of pancakes, bananas, and pecans carefully placed on top of the stack, resembling a smiley face. “Dad made the pancakes, but I cut the fruit.”

“Good morning, my little Bug!” She held him tight, fighting away tears. “That looks amazing!”

“You weren’t feeling well last night, so I wanted to surprise you!” The boy smiled widely at her. “Are you feeling better today?”

Andrea mustered all her strength, wanting to keep that smile on that sweet little boy’s face. Now, more than ever, she didn’t want him to see her sad.

“I’m feeling so much better just looking at you.” She pulled him to her, giving her son the tightest hug. “I’m starving, I could eat you and your pancakes.” She pretended to bite him, Owen laughing loudly as he tried to evade his mother’s attack.

It was a morning heavy with doubts and despair, but they would try to fill it with happiness and love. For that boy, the parents decided to put their own anguish aside and live in that happy moment, jesting and laughing, discussing whatever childish topics he wanted to talk about.

Victor and Andrea looked at each other, both catching the other’s worried gaze. With a smile, they held hands, fingers locking together in reassurance. Whatever battle they had ahead, they would do it together, for the sake of their happiness. For the sake of their son. For that brief moment, they allowed themselves to hope. They weren’t alone. They had each other.

The lawyers were already waiting for them in LFG’s conference room, as instructed. Andrea sat on the chair beside him as Victor observed her carefully, trying to remember if he ever saw her this defeated, eyes sunken and sad, a tired expression, like she was carrying the weight of the world on her shoulders. Victor’s stomach shrank with worry, but he swiftly used the feeling to feed his fury instead.

“Did you see the documents I sent you this morning? What is your insight?” He asked the lawyers, unwilling to waste any more time.

“We still need to study the adoption laws more thoroughly, but so far we found no inconsistencies.” One of the lawyers spoke carefully. “According to the law, the grandmother has parental rights, she is the child’s next of kin.”

Victor grew agitated, as that was not the answer he was hoping for. In his mind, there shouldn’t be a law that would allow anyone to remove a child from his family like that, adoptive or not. He fought the temptation to rub his temples, wanting to look strong in front of his wife.

“In that case, what can be done?”

“As I said, we will analyze it in more detail, but so far, all indicates that the judge will decide in her favor.” The lawyer explained. “We need a good strategy in court, evidence that the child’s best interest is to remain with the adoptive family, instead of a blood relative. That letter you sent us may win us the case.”

“What letter?” He heard his wife ask. He chose to ignore her question.

“Let me know when you have something else.” He got up from his chair. “We are done for now.”

The lawyers quickly followed his lead, all leaving the room. Andrea, however, sat in place, eyes gazing at him coldly.

“Is it the suicide letter Rebecca left?” She insisted.

Victor sat down again with a sigh, taking his wife’s hand.

“You don’t need to worry about this.” He gave her a reassuring look. “Leave it all to me.”

“You are going to use the suicide letter that Owen’s biological mother wrote right before her death?” She sounded disgusted. “Do you realize Owen will probably be in the room when they read it?”

“As a last resort.” He was adamant in his decision. “Hopefully it won’t come to that.”

“Will you really use such a hurtful event for Owen just to win?” She removed her hand from his, not looking him in the eyes. “Do you know what that will do to our son?”

“I will do whatever it takes to keep him with us, where he belongs.” He declared coldly. “I thought you wanted that too.”

“So you’ll scar him forever just to win? What if he doesn’t belong to us? No matter how hard it is for us, he found his family. He has a grandmother.”

“Yes, he has a selfish and abusive grandmother, whom his mother tried hard to keep away from him!” Victor got up, feeling his blood start to boil. “Is that the person you think our son should be with? Is that the family you think he should have? The same person that scarred his mother so deeply she felt no choice but to end her life?”

“She turned her life around, she wants to do well by her grandson.” Andrea replied. “She made a mistake, she paid dearly for it, she lost her daughter, her own family, and she will have to live with that pain. Who are we to say she doesn’t deserve a second chance?”

“You are defending her?” Victor asked, incredulous. Andrea confirmed it with her silence. “You are a fool to believe a single word that comes from that woman’s mouth.” He shot back bitterly.

“And you are selfish to think you are entitled to decide important things about other people’s lives for them. Victor!” Her eyes were pleading. “I am not defending anyone, if anything I’m defending Owen! I love that boy, I would give my life for him, but I can’t just decide he’s better off with me! I have to think about what’s better for him, even if it hurts me. I have to consider what he needs!”

“What he needs?!?” Victor almost yelled. “It’s incredible how gullible you can be! She walks into your office, tells you some pathetic sob story, and you fall for it? You should have fought for our son right then, put her in her place, instead of holding her hand and showing sympathy!”

Andrea paused, eyes wide in disbelief.

“You blame me for this?”

“I’ve seen you challenge adversity with a strength I could never find in another woman. I’ve seen you turn your life around, fight for what you want, face your abuser with commendable determination.” Victor spoke softly. “I don’t understand why you won’t be as strong for your son. For us.”

Victor had never touched a woman in anger, and he would never lay a hand on the person that he devoted his entire life to. However, at that moment, looking into her eyes, he felt like he had slapped his wife hard, so much that he could almost feel his hand sting. Still, he couldn’t feel sorry for what he had said. Her apathy was infuriating. She didn’t even fight back, try and prove him wrong. She simply blinked away a few tears and turned to the door.

“You know, you say I always see the best in things. Wishful thinking, you call it.” She spoke in a hoarse voice.

“Andy…”

“I can’t see anything good now.”

She wasn’t quite sure how she left that conference room, she felt like floating out of her own body, legs moving on their own accord. She arrived at LCG, hoping no one would notice she had been crying. Entering her office, she sat at her desk, her mind way too busy to work.

This had happened before, she could remember, this conflict of ideas. Victor was adamant in what he considered to be the right thing and left very little leeway for other options. He would easily mistake Andrea’s inertia for lack of interest, not considering that she wasn’t so quick to assume she knew what was right, she needed the time to consider the feelings of everyone involved.

In Andrea’s eyes, Victor’s inflexibility didn’t make him a bad man. She actually loved that her husband had such solid values that he expected people to follow, especially himself. He was a steady pillar in her life, doing whatever it took to keep her safe, and although sometimes it would lead to arguments, Andrea was thankful for that. It was one of the things that made her love him, how selfless and loving he could be.

But this time, things had gone too far. His determination was blinding him, and he was lashing out in the ugliest of ways: he was blaming her. It was so unfair, she stood up for him so many times, how could he tell her she never fought for him? It was like Victor couldn’t see her efforts, would not acknowledge her love, unless they were provided in his own terms. Again, like she did before their wedding, Andrea wondered if she was the right person for him, if they belonged together. She almost wanted to punch him for being so oblivious. How could he not see that she would go to the moon and back while bleeding herself dry for him?

“Is everything ok?” Diane asked as she walked into her office, interrupting her thoughts. “Henry called asking for you, says he saw you leaving the conference room crying.”

Andrea felt his eyes water once again.

“We had a fight.” She confessed.

“How bad was it?”

Andrea’s heart tightened in her chest.

“The worst ever.”

Diane sat on the chair facing Andrea’s desk with a sigh.

“Look, you and Victor are in a lot of stress right now, with that bitch wanting to take Owen.” Diane spoke calmly. “Emotions run high, people say things they don’t mean.”

“He blames me for it.” Andrea declared bitterly. “He says I didn’t fight hard enough.”

“Damn.” Diane whispered.

“Yeah.”

“Goldman says he canceled all his meetings and asked to be left alone. He’s not even taking calls.” Diane’s statement only made Andrea feel worse. “He’s probably beating himself up for it. You know he doesn’t believe that.”

“Maybe not.” Andrea shook her head. “It doesn’t matter anyway.”

“I think the best you can do is give you both time to calm down and reflect. Focus on work, maybe, let him cool off. You can talk to him later.” Her friend advised.

Andrea stared at her phone, considering her friend’s words. She should call him, talk things through. Even if he believed she should have been harsher with Pamela, even if he thought she wasn’t fighting hard enough, he would never hurt her like this willingly. He loved her, she knew that much. They could sort things out, with a cooler head, and everything would be ok. She would be able to show him her perspective, and she would listen to his, and they would make a compromise. They had to. Their marriage was at stake. However, it was probably wiser to wait for the dust to settle.

In the meantime, she would try her best to focus on work, although her mind kept wandering back to the CEO on the top floor. She couldn’t help but glance at her phone, hoping it would ring, his face appearing in the called ID. However, a watched kettle never boils, and for Andrea, the kettle was her phone that kept stubbornly silent. Eventually, the clock on her computer signaled lunchtime, and on a normal day, her husband would call her to see if they could have lunch together. However, her phone didn’t budge.

It was overwhelming. She was at risk of losing her son and her marriage was hanging by a thread. She felt like she had no place to fall on. She was losing her footing, her ground, her pillar. Tears came without her realizing, and she released them with loud sobs that she stifled with her sleeve. She was exhausted, she couldn’t do it anymore. She needed her husband. She didn't care for an apology, she just needed to hold him; she needed them to be well again, at least as well as they could.

She got up and took her purse, decided to go to LFG and invite her husband for lunch. She had no idea how that would go, but she would take a chance. The moment she closed the door to her office, her phone rang.

Several floors up, Victor was in a debate with himself. He missed her, he was worried about her, but the guilt and the shame were freezing him in place. He had acted imperiously, making all the decisions by himself, disregarding everyone around him. Andrea could be at fault, but he was at fault too. She didn’t deserve the things he had told her.

He recalled their moment in the laundry that morning. It was clear that Andrea’s reticence wasn’t because she didn’t love her son. She loved him deeply, he was sure of that. She simply wanted him to be happy, even if she was unhappy. Victor wanted to win, while Andrea wanted Owen not to lose. Because he had lost so much already. This was her dream, to have a family, and she would willingly give it up so Owen had the family he needed. That’s how selfless she really was.

He couldn’t help but clench his hands in anger, what an idiot he had been. Now, more than ever, it was important that they were in this together. She needed him and he needed her. It didn’t matter who folded, he didn’t care if he took the first step, there should be no place for ego or pride in their relationship. He almost lost her once, he couldn’t lose her now. He wouldn’t. He took his phone, ready to call her. But before he could, he heard a knock at the door.

“What now?” He replied, frustrated.

It was her. Her eyes were swollen, her nose red. She had been crying.

“Andrea…” He wanted to go to her, to hold her, but for some reason… He didn’t.

She let out a loud sob, like someone had stabbed her in the heart, tears falling freely. That was enough to make Victor jump from his chair. He didn’t want to make her cry like that.

“Please don’t cry.” He hugged her tightly. “I hate to see you cry.”

“Victor.” She looked up at him, her lip trembling. “Your aunt called.”

Victor stared at his wife, confused. What did his aunt have to do with anything?

“She said…” Andrea trailed off, her throat too tight to speak. “Mina passed away this morning.”

He felt the floor sway under him, taking all the strength he had not to fall apart there and then. And despite their argument, despite all the hurt there was between them, she held on tight to him and kept him steady, giving him solace as emotion took over reason, giving him strength as his body shook. That’s when I knew I had kept my promise.

Life is like a play, I read somewhere. We are the characters that God created, and although we don’t have a script, we do have a role. Mine was to love that little boy. Even though he wasn’t mine, he was the thing I had of mine the most. And the scene I replayed the most in my head, during the whole play that was my life, was the one of a lonely boy leaning on my kitchen counter, after seeing his mother leave the house to live in another country.

“Everybody leaves me, Mina.” He said in a very low voice, almost like he was ashamed to admit it.

“That’s not true, Hummingbird.” I caressed his raven hair. “Your mother isn’t gone forever, and you can visit her whenever you want.”

“Why can’t I go with her?” He asked bitterly. “It’s not like he cares about me. She was the only one who cared. And now she’s leaving.”

“You shouldn’t fill that little heart of yours with the worries of adults.” I smiled, although my heart was breaking for that little boy. “And hey, I know I may not be much, but I’m here. I care.”

“I care for you too.” He looked at me with honest eyes. “You are my best friend, Mina. Without you, I would be alone.”

“My sweet hummingbird.” I hugged him as tight as I could. “Hey, let’s make a deal. I promise I will always be here for you, so you’ll never have to be alone. For your whole life, Victor, whenever you feel alone, you can come to me, just like you do now.”

“You won’t be here my entire life.” His eyes were sad. “You will die, eventually.”

“Then I promise I will only die when I know you’ll have someone else that will never leave you alone.”

“You can’t promise that. You won’t be able to keep it.” He challenged me.

“I can and I am. You’ll see.”

As I watched her caress his cheek, his hair, whispering comforting words, I knew my boy would be ok. Even in the darkest of times, my Hummingbird would be safe, because he had his light.

As for me, I was just a ghostlight, shining on the stage of this Universe, waiting for another play to come.

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