#i just want consistent hours and to get paid on time without asking is that too much?

[mushroomgothic]

updated my resume for the first time in like 4 years, certainly didn’t miss this lmao. just so fucking tired of my manager and getting paid late and having unexpected days off due to one problem or another she’s having

[reidmania]

I MISS YOU IM SORRY | spencer reid

good riddance x spencer reid one shot series masterlist!!

summary; Spencer calls after being broken up for a month.

warnings ; fem reader, hopeful/happy ending, angst, exes to lovers, mentions of arguments, breakups, miscommunication, avoidant reader, loving spencer, break up bc reader pushed him away bc of self doubt, pretty tame. i love this i think

an ; RAHH fic twoooooo ehehehe. risk is coming soon i just had to pump out the angst really quick ok bare w me!!

You said, "Forever, " in the end I fought it Please be honest, are we better for it? Thought you'd hate me, but instead you called And said, "I miss you", I caught it. You said, "Forever, " and I almost bought it I miss fightin' in your old apartment. Breakin' dishes when you're disappointed. I still love you, I promise. Nothin' happened in the way I wanted. Every corner of this house is haunted And I know you said that we're not talkin' But I miss you, I'm sorry

The call came as a shock. When you were holding onto the doors of your pantry, leaning back slightly as your eyes skimmed over the contents of it — Which was not a lot. You we’re thinking about that fact you needed to go grocery shopping.

How long could you avoid that?

It started right after you and Spencer broke up, where you refused to go because of the chance that you might see Spencer there. It was right between yours and his apartment so the chances weren’t completely low — and normally you and Spencer did the grocery shopping together.

It would normally consist of you dancing around the store picking up random things and Spencer watching you fondly as he pushed the cart. He would mutter something about what was healthiest and you would hum approvingly then grab the opposite of whatever he suggest because it ‘tasted better’ He would chuckle and press his lips to the top of your head.

You wanted to relive that so bad that the idea of being inside the shops without him seemed so wrong. It felt like doing something behind his back. Like watching an episode of the show you two were watching together without him. It just felt wrong.

So you decided you would go to a different shop, an hour drive away. Just to be safe, but who just had time for that?

Which was how your pantry had gotten near empty.

You still had the big bag of his coffee beans that he left here. The ones you weren’t a fan of buy it didn’t matter because Spencer would compromise and just buy both, or just yours. You had use all of yours and started using the ones he left here.

They left a bitter taste on your tongue and a sweet sensation down the back of your throat, they were strong and kept you awake for hours longer than your normal ones did — but weirdly enough; they felt like home.

The bag was brand-less, and you should’ve memorised what it was you were sure you knew. You just couldn’t remember.

How were you suppose to ask? Call him? Message him? Pop by his house and ask. You were sure if he got any soft of contact from you— about anything, you would be blocked in milliseconds. The feeling that thought provided made your stomach tighten more than you’d like to admit.

You almost stumbled over your own feet when you closed the pantry as your phone started to ring, you saw it light up with a contact but your mind paid little attention as you answered, not even actually looking at your phone, your attention elsewhere.

“Hello?” You muttered as you walked towards the coffee machine you and Spencer had decided to get as an anniversary present. To fuel both your coffee addictions. You shoulder held your phone against your ear as you grabbed the bag of coffee beans — Spencers coffee beans.

You heard a harsh breath on the other side of the phone, “Hey.” The voice. His voice. Tired and groggy as if he had just woken up but you knew him well enough to know he didn’t. You pulled your phone away from your ear as your mind clouded foggy. Your eyes danced over his contact for a moment. He was calling you — He called you. it sent familiar butterflies to your ribcage.

“Spencer?” You exhaled, despite already knowing it was him. You wondered if maybe this was some prank, if he was just calling because he needed something or maybe to call you and degrade you over every mistake you made in the ending of your relationship — you deserved that.

He had every right to hate you for how things ended, he had every right to hate you, period. You had assumed that was how he felt towards you. Hatred. You knew he loved you throughout your relationship, that wasn’t something you had to question but the idea of that still being the case after everything unfolded the way it did.. It didn’t even seem fathomable.

“Hi” He repeated. His voice was low and quiet, you didn’t know what that meant and it was driving you insane. Your feet pattered around the house suddenly feeling cold in the kitchen. Nothing but memories fogging your mind every corner you looked — that didn’t go away as you moved around the house. It was filled by him and it was consuming you whole. 

You let out a heavy breath. “Do you need something?” It didn’t come out how you wanted it to. It wasn’t harsh or anything but your voice weakened half way through your words making embarrassment creep up the back of your neck.

The other side of the phone was silent for a minute, making anxiety pool in your stomach. Your head tilted as you sat on the corner of the couch, wrapping yourself in the blanket on the couch — the one you used more often than you’d like to admit, since some night sleeping in the bed that was suppose to be shared with Spencer felt all too consuming, the way his scent lingered faintly over the sheets and his little nothings covered the window sill, his jacket still hung up in the closet.

“Spence are you okay?” The nickname fell from your lips before you could try to stop it. You heard a muffled sound on the other end of the phone making your stomach twist. Slight worry and confusion filled the wrinkles by your eyes as you squinted slightly.

“Ye- Im.. Im okay” He breathed out his voice heavy and filled with something you couldn’t place if you tried. You were sure it was an emotion you had felt since you felt a sick feeling of familiarity in your abdomen. “I just- Can we talk?” He asked.

Your eyebrows furrowed as your knees pulled to your chest. “Okay. What do you want to talk about?” You asked, in your mind there was a point to this conversation, there was something specific he needed to talk to you about or why else would he call. He wouldn’t, you thought.

“No-Not like that, i just- I just want to talk to you, about anything. Whatever you want I just—” There was a pause, his voice got quiet, almost a whisper, “I miss you.” The words that left his lips buried themselves deep inside your chest, building themselves a home there.

Your head span. He said it so quietly you were scared you might’ve missed it if he said it any quieter. But you didn’t, you caught it. A deep breath left your chest as your hand came to your forehead, your mind was so focused on the fact that, he missed you. He called because he missed you. You almost forgot to answer him. You figured if he said the comment so quietly, maybe he didn’t want a reply on it, so you continued on with the conversation as the words interfered with the rhythmic beating of your heart.

“What coffee beans to do you buy?” You settled on. You heard him chuckle on the other side of the phone before passing a comment asking ‘why? You hated them’ It made your heart flutter uncomfortablely. The two of you continued talking about coffee beans for ten minutes before he muttered about how he had to go, you knew it was probably work related. But god he sounded so sad saying it.

“Spencer?” You asked softly, your voice coming out quieter than what you expected. You heard his soft hum on the other side of the phone. You didn’t want to admit how much you missed him, how your entire being craved him every minute of everyday regardless of what you did — nothing in the world could fill the him-shaped- hole that took up the space of your gut.

“I’m sorry” You apologised and you hoped it was clear you were apologising for everything, for the arguments, for the breakup, for pushing him away for no real good reason beside your own self doubt. It was the sorry you were too proud to mutter out a month ago.

There was a moment on the other side of the phone where you were almost convinced he was going to hang up — you worried you brought up what he didn’t want to talk about.

But instead, “I miss you.” He said louder this time, as if he believed you didn’t hear it the first time. The words made your stomach clench tightly and your muscles both tighten and relax at the same time.

You sigh, you should have shut up. He had to go, you know that but the words came out honestly as “I still love you” You said. You wanted to slap yourself in the face, now you really weren’t gonna be surprised if he hung up and blocked you.

There was a heavy breath, you couldn’t tell if it was good or bad. “Well-“ He huffed, “If you still love me, and- I still love you..” He muttered out intentionally, hoping you caught on to what he was insinuating. Your mind however was captivated by the fact that, he still loved you.

“We should probably talk” He finished when you didn’t, “Please?” It was thrown in there both to use manners and to show how badly he wanted this. You weren’t ever gonna say no in the first place.

“We should. Do you need to go grocery shopping?” You asked, your teeth sinking into your bottom lip as you almost smiled. You could almost imagine his confusion.

“Um— I guess that depends —Do you?” He asked. You huffed out a small laugh, nodding your head absentmindedly as you realised he couldn’t see you. “Do you still go to-“

He cut you off, “No. No i started going to the one across town, about an hour away” He said, honestly. You head tilted slightly as you realised he started going to the one you were going to. The conversation continued as you both ignored — or forgot the fact he needed to go.

“Why?”

“So you didn’t feel uncomfortable if I was there when you were” He said as if it was the most obvious thing in the world. It made your stomach scrunch up and your chest to bruise your ribcage as the beating of your heart only increased.

“Let’s go grocery shopping, at our shop. Then um— you can come here and I can make you coffee?” You suggested slightly awkwardly, as you worried about the chance of rejection and the embarrassment you would feel.

“It’s a date.” He smiled, you could hear it in his voice.

“Okay.” You exhaled out.

[erodasfishtacos]

Digging A Deeper Hole || MLB ||

Prompt: Harry is going through a rough adjustment to his new life. At twenty-one, he was the face of a massive franchise, a father, and a husband with millions watching his every mood. He starts to feel it. Word Count: 7.8k Warnings: Depression, Anxiety, Angst - please keep in mind H is young here so he’s a bit more immature than one shots where he’s older. He’s still figuring stuff out

AUTHORS NOTES:

There is 5 more part to this up on patreon (17k words, a 25.1k fic overall)

I upload a piece of writing every 1-3 days (usually two) consistently// currently updating abo!roommates

All writings are accurately and always added to the organized folders in the collections feature

There are currently 300 + pieces available to read

It only cost $3USD —— thanks for any support and check me out here!

========================= Harry had the weight on the world on his shoulders.

The past year had been the best but most stressful time that he has ever had in his life.

He hadn’t had a break, it was go, go, go.

At the age of twenty-one, it felt like he had responsibilities that most people never had this amount of.

He had expectations from every side, especially from work, though it sounded like a dream to be the new face of Major League Baseball, to be the highest paid rookie to start, or the fact that he was a projected to be one of the best players of all time.

It came at a cost.

A really fucking big cost.

It took Harry a while to realize that he was experiencing some depression, the pressure of his coaches, the team, the public, and on top of that, he was navigating being newly married with a baby.

++

”Styles, get off the phone!” His assistant coach shouted from the field, he should be jogging onto the mound because practice was nearly over, and everyone was ready to head back to the hotels.

“Hold the fuck on!” Harry shouts back without looking up, waiting for the FaceTime call to connect, he had thought he had more time before they started up again.

Harry’s heart leaps when it connects, his perfect baby in the camera view, blowing raspberries between chewing on teether that looked like car keys, “Say ‘hi’ to your daddy!”

Easton is too little to quite comprehend the phone but he blinks in confusion at the screen before blowing another wet raspberry towards his father.

”Hi East, look at how handsome you look,” Harry croons, trying to memorize every little feature because he’s only going to be this small for a little while, “Your daddy misses you so much.”

YN pulls the phone to her face for a moment, “I took him on a walk around Central Park earlier today and he saw a group of pigeons. He squealed so loudly that they all flew away in a flock and he started giggling. I wish I would have gotten it on video.”

”He really does love the pigeons-“ Harry begins but is cut off.

”Styles, final warning. Get off your phone or I’m locking it up! Now,” The other coach yells, starting to actually get pissed, and Harry has to resist the urge to flip them off.

”H,” YN says knowingly, it was pretty common that he was getting yelled at, “Go practice.”

“I want to be home with you,” Harry frowns, he truly means it.

”I know,” YN agrees with kind understanding on her face, “Go kick some ass for us.”

++

He didn’t get to spend the time he wanted at home with his family, the away games caused him to panic, and he was starting to have anxiety attacks as he steps onto the private jet.

Harry was blowing YN’s phone up at any free moment he got, asking to FaceTime to see her and Easton, and YN had noticed how much more he was asking for reassurance, it was frequent.

++

”He’s sleepy. He just fed for almost an hour,” YN murmurs, tired herself and her eyes were heavy, it was undeniable that she had a lot on her plate with taking care of Easton by herself.

YN did see Anne once or twice a week but she was adamant that she did not need help raising her own baby, that she was fully capable of taking care of Easton by herself when Harry wasn’t home.

Easton was ten-months at this point, splayed on his mother’s chest with a milk-drunk little smile as he laid his small fist on her neck, easily starting to drift to sleep.

Harry feels a pang of disgusting, gnarly guilt and disappointment that he’s not there to lay in bed with them, and he felt like a piece of shit for sitting in this swanky hotel room by himself.

”Harry?” YN asks after he doesn’t respond, he was just watching the screen as his wife ran her fingers through Easton’s soft baby curls, silky smooth.

Harry swallows harshly to avoid the tears prickling, “I love you so much. You know that?”

YN smiles at him, soft and warm, “We love you so much. We miss you and cannot wait for you to get home. We both want so many cuddles with you.”

Harry’s jaw clenches, scrunching his nose, and feel the pit in his stomach get deeper, darker, rawer, and it felt overwhelming as he sat alone with his family on the other side of the country.

It felt suffocating that he wanted to go home but he couldn’t because he had a contract, a job, he had to provide, and he worked his whole life to be where he’s at.

He’s in a position that billions would want to be in but all he can think about is being with his family, he would give up everything he’d ever accomplished to cuddle with them every night.

But he couldn’t, deep down, he knew that it was his emotions getting the best of him, and it’s disappointing that he’s not enjoying baseball like he thought he would right now.

“I…I’m sorry,” Harry sniffles, rubbing his eye roughly to catch the tears before they fall any further.

YN’s smile falls which makes him feel even worse, “Baby, what’s wrong? Why are you apologizing?”

”I’m not there to help you,” Harry presses his face into his forearm to try to stop the tears, “I’m just sittin’ here in a hotel room, I’m fuckin’ useless to you.”

”Hey,” YN says firmly, lips going into a straight line, “Harry, you are not useless. How could you think that? You’re providing for us. You make it possible for me to stay at home, in this beautiful home, with everything we’d ever need, and spend every moment with Easton. That’s because of you.”

It makes Harry feel a bit better, that perspective on the situation because he hadn’t looked at it like that, “I’ll always provide for you two.”

”You’re the best provider. We love you so much. We are so proud of you. Easton is going to be so so proud of his daddy and what a good man you are to us,” YN tells him confidently, thter’s no wavering in her voice as she watches Harry’s reaction.

Harry hangs his head, done trying to stop the tears, he didn’t feel good.

He had felt depression a few times in his life, the most when he was going through his struggles with his sexuality, and it was starting to feel like that again.

”Harry,” YN’s voice is soft, careful, “Are you okay, baby? What made you so upset?”

Harry wipes his face with the back of his hand, he didn’t want to worry YN.

She had so much on her plate right now that the last thing she needed to worry about was his mental health because he needed to pull it together and stop being so emotional.

”I just miss you,” Harry tells her, it wasn’t a lie but it really wasn’t the full truth, there was so much more to it than what he was letting on but he could handle it on his own.

Lord knows he had enough time while he was sitting in this hotel room alone or had a flight on the private jet.

++

Harry felt like a car ran him over, twice, and then backed up over him.

He did as good as everyone expected him to do during the games in San Diego, he won all three of the games with too many strikeouts to count, and two home runs to get them scores.

Harry was able to shut his mind off during the games, all he was thinking about was his job, and what he needed to do to make sure that they won the games - that was it.

Afterwards, the creeping feelings that had been haunting him especially hard this past month or so wouldn’t wait very long to pop up again after the games.

He started demanding a flight home the night of the last game, everyone else always waited until the next day because traveling right after playing was near torture with the exhaustion.

Harry felt like death as he landed in New York City, his bones were heavy as if they weighed a thousand pounds each, his arm was sore from how many pitches he had to throw, and he hadn’t been sleeping well when he was away from YN and the baby.

His heart was a bit lighter as he opened the front door to their home, the smell of his favorite brownies hitting his nose, and a peel of bubbly, angelic baby giggles echoed through the hallway.

Harry needed to see them, he dropped his bag and didn’t care that his cologne bottle most likely just shattered inside because of how careless he was being.

No, he was making his way toward the smell and sounds, and when he found what he waas looking for - his stomach untwisted just the slightest and everything didn’t seem so bleak for a moment.

YN turns around, having been alerted to his entrance by his bag dropping, Easton was on her hip and had a spatula in his hand, gnawing on it happily.

”Who is that, East?” YN bounces him up and down, “Is that your daddy?”

Harry wants to cry tears of relief when Easton drops the spatula, letting it clatter onto the tile, and starts to cry.

He was the cutest little thing.

Whenever Harry got home from work, Easton would start to cry because he wanted him, and was sad like he just realized that he had been missing him all day and he was finally home with him.

”Oh my goodness,” YN hums as Easton wiggles, starting to reach out for him with grabbing hands, dramatic tears running down his face as his pouty bottom lip wobbles.

”No tears, bub,” Harry coos as he steps forward, taking Easton out of her arms, and giving him the biggest hug he can manage as he presses kisses to the side of his face, his hair, his nose, “I missed you so much. I hate being away from you, East, miss you every moment.”

YN is watching with a content smile, patiently waiting her turn as he blinks over at her, his voice still soft and raspy, “Hi mama.”

”Hi H,” YN whispers back, stepping forward to cup his jaw and bring their lips together in a kiss, her thumb rubbing the stubble of his jawline and her other squeezing his hip, “I missed you.”

Harry hates that he feels the lump in his throat, “I fuckin’ missed you so much. I can’t explain how much I hate being away from you and him. I am so grateful that you’re so good to me and East. You know that?”

One of YN’s love languages was definitely words of affirmation so to hear such nice compliments really did mean a lot to her because she didn’t always feel the most secure either.

It was a lot to have her husband traveling all the time, where if he wanted, there would be unlimited opportunities for him to make bad choices because there was not a shortage of men and women who would bed him without a second thought.

YN had complete and utter trust in him.

It wasn’t ever a real concern but when Harry was as gorgeous as he was, it was hard not to feel a bit of insecurity when people often let it be known how much they found him attractive.

”Thank you, H,” YN brings him in for another kiss, “Dinner is almost ready. Brownies are also baking in the oven. Easton was my little helper but was trying to get his chunky fingers in the raw batter which he had an attitude about when I told him ‘no’.”

”You better listen to your mama,” Harry hums at his son, munching at his neck until Easton is giggling and pulling at his curls to keep him close, he loved his father so much, “Be nice to mama, Easton Robin.”

YN reaches forward, “Go get a shower. Settle in a little bit.”

Harry passes Easton back but frowns, “Darling, I can take him and manage. You have had him for the last week.”

YN waves him off, “I got him for a few minutes longer. Get showered, dressed, then we can eat dinner, and cuddle. Okay?”

”Sounds like a dream,” Harry replies because it really does, all that he wants is to be able to hold them in his arms, and start filling this hole that starts to eat away at him every time he has to leave.`

++

After Harry showers, he tugs on his briefs, and sits on the edge of the bed.

He doesn’t know how he fell asleep like that but it seemed to happen nearly as soon as he plopped down on the plush of their bed because he hadn’t slept in nearly twenty-four hours, after an exhausting game and seven hours of travel.

The next time he wakes up, it’s completely dark in the bedroom, and he blinks his eyes open to see the alarm clock reading that it was three in the morning.

YN was fast asleep on her side of the bed, baby monitor on the side table, and Easton was sleeping in his nursery on his back with a binky halfway out of his mouth.

Harry squeezes his eyes shut, putting his fists to them for a moment as he grits his teeth, “Fuck fuck fuck.”

He gets out of bed, not wanting to disturb YN, she looked so fucking pretty while she slept and Harry was in disbelief of what a fucking idiot he was.

YN not only watched Easton for the past week, she managed everything else for their household, made Harry dinner and dessert, all for him to fall asleep.

She needs a break from the baby, YN should have gotten one last night after all her hard work, and Harry just went and fell asleep like a bloody teenager with no responsibilities.

He grabs the baby monitor so that YN won’t be woken up, hoping that she will sleep in for as long as possible in the morning, and Harry can take on baby duties.

Harry’s plan was to clean the house, the least he could do as an apology but everything was near spotless thanks to his wife, and when he went into the kitchen to clean the dishes from dinner.

There were none, YN had put all the leftovers away, wrapped the brownies, and cleaned all the pots and pans - as well as all of Easton’s bottles.

”Fuck me,” Harry grunts as he resists the urge to hit something, instead slamming his fists on the countertop, and staring at nothing as he feels the deep hole become bigger, “Such a fuck-up.”

Harry doesn’t even know what he can do to repay her, to make it up to her, and the mixture of his anxiety and depression had to be the gnarliest combination because they were kicking his ass.

His anxiety starts taking over and an intrusive thought starts to pop into his brain and he can’t shake it.

What if she leaves you?

What if she doesn’t think you’re a good enough father?

She does all this for you and you treat her like shit the moment you come home?

You don’t deserve her.

Harry’s throat tightens up, it feels hard to breathe for a few minutes as he tries taking slow, deep inhales before repeating the process to help try to regulate his breathing.

He had to make this up to her.

++

Harry manages Easton by himself, that wasn’t an issue, and he was even able to run out to grab YN’s favorite donuts from a few blocks down before she was up.

Harry was currently in the living room, laying on the floor with Easton as he played with these soft, big blocks, and smiled at his father with only two little teeth showing on his bottom gums.

”Morning, well afternoon,” YN laughs as she looks at the clock on the wall, it was nearly twelve and she was able to catch up on all the sleep she desperately needs, “You didn’t need to let me sleep for that long, H. I appreciate it though, felt super nice to be able to get re-energized.”

”It’s the least I could do,” Harry replies, the enthusiasm that was usually in his voice was missing, and he struggled to meet her eye because he was embarassed.

YN knows something is off as she sits down next to them, scooping Easton up and tucking him under her big shirt where he can excitedly start to nurse - he very begrudgingly used a bottle but it was always a bit more difficult to get him to eat with one.

”Are you sure you’re okay?” YN frowns as she rubs his knee, “You seem down. Did something happen?”

”I’m a piece of shit,” Harry chuckles without humor, throwing his hands up, “Isn’t it obvious? I leave you at home with the baby and then the minute I get home, I fall asleep and don’t do shit to help you. On top of that, you made dinner and I didn’t even eat it.”

YN’s frown turns into more of a scowl, “Harry, what has you talking like this? Did someone say something to you? I don’t like when you talk like that. You were exhausted! You were just away for a week, training and playing, and have so much other than that going on. Do you really think that I’m mad about that?”

“I’m mad about how I acted because it effects you,” Harry grits back, his anxiety and depression had a tendency to make him cranky in a way that he normally wouldn’t be, “It’s no excuse. You get no excuses. I need to do better.”

”You need to stop talking like that,” YN retorts as she stares back at him with a twitch of her brow, “Everything is fine. We are fine. Nothing is wrong. This is how our life looks sometimes and that’s okay. You are doing this to take care of us.”

“It feels pretty fuckin’ selfish right now,” Harry shakes his head, standing up and trying to hide the wince from how achey his muscles were, he should do a cold plunge but he’s not going to take anymore time for himself - he dosn’t deserve it.

“How is it selfish?” YN is getting frustrated, her leg shaking slightly but then she stops when she realizes that it’s jostling Easton and he whines in displeasure.

”I get to get a full night’s sleep in a luxury hotel room, you’re here.”

YN scoffs, licking over her teeth, “Yeah, Harry. It’s a massive hardship, living in a three million dollar home in the middle of the Upper East Side. I think I’ll survive.”

“That’s not the fuckin’ point,” Harry cracks his neck, his anxiety made his heart rate feel like he was constantly running a marathon, it was hard for him to keep his composure.

”Don’t talk to me like that,” YN raises her voice, moving to get up with Easton still suckling away, “This isn’t how you show appreciation, Harry. I’m just trying to have a conversation and you have an attitude.”

Harry knows that he’s just going to continue to dig himself a deeper pit than he’s already in if he keeps talking.

Most of the time, he did not feel like like a twenty-one year old despite his boyish looks but right now, he felt like he was acting his age and it wasn’t a good thing.

”Why don’t you take Easton and see your mom today,” YN offers, her voice is still tight but trying to keep it cordial as she brings Easton out from under her shirt.

He was blinking languidly, his lips smacking in satisfaction as his belly was full, and YN hands him over to Harry to take, “Yeah, I’ll get him ready and go.”

It was a good opportunity to give YN a break but he was honestly a bit surprised that she took him up on it or that she didn’t want to come with because when Harry came home, they tried to stay together as much as possible.

He does know that he’s acting like a complete dickhead which makes sense why she wasn’t dying to spend time with him right night, still it was just odd because it’s unlike her.

”Sounds good,” YN pulls out her phone, looking down and fingers flitting across the screen which was also a bit odd, how she was a distracted by it because it was unlike her just like her letting him go alone.

God, Harry was making a fucking mess, wasn’t he? +++++++++++++++++

It stuck out like a sore thumb when Harry was off.

Normally, he was the most easy-going, bubbly, funny person who stole most of the attention when he wasn’t even trying.

It was how he captured everyone’s interest whether it was his big grin that had his dimples showing deep in the pockets of his cheeks, the way he threw his head back and let out these low raspy chuckles, or just how he nodded attentively when someone else was talking.

So when he wasn’t feeling like himself, all those things that lit up rooms disappeared, and it was hard for him to socialize.

Harry was still beating himself up the entire ride outside of the city to his mother’s house, Easton was napping in the back and this would be a nice sleep before the excitement of Nana’s house.

Harry was replaying everything with YN, from the way he was sharp with her to get short with her when she did absolutely nothing to deserve that from him because she was so fucking good to him - all the time.

YN never complained about anything.

She never complained about being at home with the baby alone.

YN never tied to guilt Harry because he was away during the season so much.

It makes it so much worse that he’s not able to hold his shit together even just for YN, he didn’t want her to worry about his mental health, that’s the last thing she needed on her plate.

He was going to figure this out himself.

It wasn’t that he didn’t feel like he couldn’t talk to her, it was more that he knew she cares so much that it might upset her or make her worry when he’s on the road, all he wants for her is to focus on Easton and herself.

Harry normally loves going up to his mom’s, a little lake house that he had bought her with one of his first paychecks, despite how much she huffed and puffed, he knew that it was a dream of hers to live on the water.

It was the least he could do after she did so much to make his dreams come true.

However, despite Harry getting a decent amount of sleep, he felt bone tired and just drained was the best way to explain it - he felt like all the energy that he normally feels has been sucked clean out of him.

He wanted to turn the car around, go home, crawl into bed with YN and Easton, and not have to interact with anyone else for at least a week but that wasn’t possible with his schedule.

Harry should be enjoying his time right now.

They have an off week which meant that he had nearly two and a half weeks at home because the following week were games at their home stadium so he could be home every night.

Harry just couldn’t wait for this season to be over.

And that thought alone alarmed him because he fucking loved baseball, he loved being the best of the best, he loved all the recognition he got but right now his desire was lower than it’s been in a really long time.

When he pulls down the long driveway, a house sat back off the residential road where she had neighbors but there was a good amount of distance between the them to give privacy and seclusion.

He sees that there are multiple cars in the driveway which makes Harry groan because he didn’t realize that his mom was going to call over friends and family since he was coming to visit.

Anne did that sometimes, when Harry called saying that he’d be up, she would call aunts, uncles, relatives, and close friends to come for a barbecue, and it was the last thing he wanted right now.

He was already a bit peeved that his mother didn’t ask him first because he would have very clearly told her that he wasn’t in the mood to entertain people, to answer questions, and talk about baseball for a good five hours.

When Harry opens the back door, Easton’s already awake and smiling at his father with a gummy smile, his two bottom baby teeth made him look so adorable but he knew that more were going to popping through soon.

”Hi, sweetheart,” Harry hums softly as he unbuckles his baby, bringing him up into his arms and into a hug, kissing his temple, “I love you so much, you know that? M’only away so that you have everythin’ you’d ever want. Miss you every second-“

A smack comes heartily on his back, right on his throwing shoulder where the soreness is radiating like a motherfucker, and he has to grit his teeth to not curse and startle Easton.

”Buddy, how much did this ride cost ya?” His Uncle Chuck, his mom’s brother asks obnoxiously, “Saw these things were going for a hundred and some change?”

Harry takes a deep breath, his patience was wearing thin, and he had barely made it out of the car, “I don’t remember how much it cost.”

“That’s what being rich gets you, huh? Twenty-one with a fat bank account and no responsibilities. I would have loved to have a life like yours,” Chuck chortles as he leans up against said expensive SUV, beer in his hand.

“I have plenty of fuckin’ responsibilities,” Harry bites back, scolding himself for cursing in from of Easton, even if he was too young to understand, he tried not to make it a habit.

“Sure you do, bud,” His uncle laughs, clearly not catching onto Harry’s mood, “Last thing I’d want is a baby with everything that you have going on. Growing up too fast.”

“Luckily, it’s not your life,” Harry brushes him off, picking up Easton’s diaper bag on his free shoulder and hikes him up, “We’ll be in soon. Give us a minute.”

His uncle shrugs before staggering off, a drunken sway in his step as he stumbles back towards the house.

Harry buries his nose in Easton’s downy, fresh smelling wispy curls to steady his breathing, he feels a bit emotional as he talks to his son.

“M’sorry, East. Daddy doesn’t feel good right now,” Harry swallows hard, squeezing his eyes shut, “I just have to pull it together. God, I love you. My baby.”

Harry gives himself another minute of grounding before taking a deep exhale and shutting the door, walking towards the house.

Everyone was on the back patio, sipping on drinks, and cheering when they saw him.

Dread settles heavy in Harry’s stomach as his family members as they start asking him about his games, wanting to recap every play he’s made, his sponsorships and his much he’s getting paid.

Harry’s trying to keep up the conversation but all he can think about is how much he didn’t want to be there, and he should have just taken Easton to the park or something more low-key.

When he bumps into his mom in the kitchen, Anne is prepping a salad and smiles back at her son - unaware of his mood.

“Isn’t this fun, hun?” Anne asks happily, sprinkling in some spices as she hums.

“Why couldn’t it have just been us? I have to be around people all the time and I thought it was just going to be you. Now I have to entertain all of them,” Harry’s tone definitely takes her aback as she puts down the tongs she was using.

“Usually you love when everyone’s here, I don’t understand,” Anne’s smile drops, wiping her hands on the dishrag.

“Does anybody ever consider that I don’t love talking about baseball every second of the day or how much money is in my bank account?” Harry’s tone is venomous and resentful, unfairly harsh on his mom when she hadn’t tried to upset him.

“Harr-“ Anne begins to apologize, albeit, a bit confused.

“Easton’s almost ready for a nap,” He cuts her off as he checks his watch, it didn’t really matter what time it was, he was done.

“My bedroom-“

“No, I’m going home,” Harry shakes his head, turning on his heel. He has the decency to look back and say, “Sorry, mom. I just can’t be here.”

Easton was currently being held by his Aunt Jane, he was starting to fuss because he had a bottle not too long ago and he was starting to get cranky.

“Alright, we’re going to head out. East needs his nap,” Harry announces, hiking on the diaper bag, and starting to walk over.

“Oh, we barely see him! Just a few more minutes with this little one. You can hold off his nap for a little!” His Aunt Jane jokingly holds him tighter for a minute and nothing right now is funny to Harry.

Harry doesn’t get loud but his voice gets steely as he reaches down and scoops Easton up from her lap, “Don’t tell me how to take care of my baby, understood?”

His poor aunt is taken aback, just like his mom, and nods.

Harry storms out without another glance back, ignoring the whispers about how odd he was acting and rude.

When he straps Easton in, the dark bubble in belly subsides for a moment- like sun breaking through storm clouds.

“Daaa,” Easton coos, happy but tired, tucking his binky back between his lips.

“Good job, baby,” Harry sniffles, blinking up towards the sky to keep the tears away, “Fuck, get it together.”

Harry had to pepper at least ten kisses on Easton’s warm, sleepy face before he’s able to close the door and get in the driver’s seat.

Harry presses on the console touch screen, calling YN, and he frowns when it goes straight to voicemail which was very unlike her.

He tries again.

Voicemail.

He pulls out his phone, trying to check her location, and it hasn’t updated in the past hour - it was just unusual for her phone to die, always on standby but he tries not to worry.

YN was probably still very pissed off at him, if he was to bet, she put her phone on ‘do not disturb’ so that she could take a well deserved nap and not be bothered.

Harry squeezes the steering wheel, reminding himself once again, “Pull yourself together.”

But in the back of his mind, an anxious thought pops in, well multiple.

What is YN is leaving you?

What if she’s sick of not having you around as much as other wives have their husbands?

First time you see her in a week and you treat her like shit. You really think she’ll stay?

Harry has never once thought like that, even when they’ve gotten in serious fights but god damn, he couldn’t stop his mind from going a million miles a minute, and it felt like shit.

Nothing was wrong.

Everything felt like it’s crumbling.

[sectumsempraaa]

Being coworkers w/ the Slytherin boys (headcanons)

feat. Draco, Mattheo, Theo, Blaise, Lorenzo

this one’s for the working folks bc you KNOW these guys would make work so much more fun!! :)

Draco:

- extremely punctual

- judges you for how you write emails

- picks you up in his car before your shift every day

- has a kettle plugged in AT his desk for maximum tea drinking

- will often leave you a cup on your desk too without you asking for it

- writes 95% of paperwork by hand

- kisses ass to your boss but vents to you later about how much he hates them

- overdresses even on casual fridays

- takes his lunch break with you every day and has your meals delivered (doesnt even ask what you want, he’s just good at this)

- gets turned on when you sit on his desk and look down at him

Mattheo:

- consistently 5-10 minutes late but everyone’s just kinda used to it

- takes mass transportation bc he keeps failing his drivers test

- stops to get you both coffee before work (thats why he’s late!!)

- will respond to emails you’re too scared to answer

- similarly will pick up the phone when you don’t want to

- office pranks galore with this guy

- calls you from his desk (it’s next to yours) to ask you to meet him somewhere so y’all can makeout

- also calls you when he sees someone he KNOWS you hate trying to talk to you at your desk to get you out of it

- post-shift treat several times a week

- most likely to pleasure you from under your desk 🤭

Theo:

- gets distracted easily and falls behind on work

- is so quiet no one really even knows he’s there

- bribes the office manager into making you his secret santa

- has a private email thread between the two of you that goes on and on all day with complete nonsense and memes

- visits your cubicle and sits there for like an hour at a time

- holds your hand under the table during meetings

- “ugh can we go home now” “theo we haven’t even clocked in yet”

- hacks the system to change the schedule around so you always have the same shifts

- cooks your lunches at home and brings them to work for you

- 100% takes naps under his desk when you’re out sick and he’s alone/bored

Blaise:

- gets along with everyone

- often leads meetings and presentations bc everyone trusts him

- winks at you from across the office several times a day

- has everything in his desk from stain remover to first aid kit to microwaveable ramen

- checks each paycheck (and yours) to make sure y’all get paid RIGHT

- hugs you from behind your chair like 1000 times a day (ft. neck kisses)

- flies paper cranes into your cubicle with cheesey pick up lines

- knows how to get your fav snacks from the vending machine without paying

- will randomly do some of your tasks bc he’s so ahead on his

- LOVES a business trip and gets you two ALL the travel upgrades

Lorenzo:

- does not give a fuck about getting anything done

- but somehow is pretty much always caught up/in good standing

- does the bare minimum but makes up for it by being extremely charming

- faxes you (yes, faxes) memes when he is extra bored

- steals people’s things off their desk if he doesn’t like them

- never abides by the dress code

- lies to your boss to get you out of meetings and leave work early

- convinces you to call out with him so you can spend the day together

- has a keycard that opens every door in the building, don’t ask how he got it

- switches nametags/IDs with you and thinks its the funniest thing in the world

- headphones in 24/7

ALL of them love to say “if you ever leave i have to quit too. i can’t work here without you” and they MEAN it!!

[fuck-customers]

I'm sorry this isn't exactly what this blog is for, but I was hoping it could slide. I have something at work that I'd like the opinions of mods and followers, if possible please.

I was wondering if I should ask for/pursue a promotion to store lead, as several people in my life, including friends, family, and a very persistent (annoying) coworker, have been pressuring me to do so. But I have several cons and pros about it. And since all the people in my life are blindly telling me to apply to be a lead, they won't listen to what my concerns are and say that I'm just being stubborn and difficult without listening to why I'm hesitating. So here's why

Pros:

•it would look good on my resume

•get paid $2 more per hour

•I'd get paid for training. Yay

•it may force me to get better at responsibility, as I'd be in charge of keys and codes

•I'd get slightly more hours per week (more on that below)

•I would get to freely move around the store as I'm doing my tasks vs. being trapped at the register area as I've currently been, which is great for me personally, because I hate being trapped at one station

•I may be able to fix some things around the store that have been driving me nuts as a result of being free to move around (such as changing the godawful music)

•it would probably be a needed confidence booster

•I have several ideas of things we could and should be doing that would greatly improve the store and maybe my manager would actually listen to a lead vs. a regular employee, as she currently refuses to listen to my suggestions (which, for the record, are things like "hey maybe we should put price tags on the products" not only does she refuse to listen, she actively goes out of her way to undo the work I do and tear down price tags/signs)

Cons:

•store leads ≠ full time and current leads get the same amount of hours that I do, give or take 3 hours or so (for example, this current week I have 9 hours, the lead who has been pressuring me to become a lead has 10 hours, and other leads have between 10-15 hours) I would already be a lead if it was a full-time position, but that will not happen. I'd even consider it if there was a significant increase in hours while still being part-time. 1-3 hours more is not an increase in my opinion

•the store is severely understaffed by design and leads have to do several tasks alone at once, such as: run the service department alone, unlock anything customers need throughout the store, fill online orders, backup the cashier when needed (the only other employee in the store) get yelled at by angry customers who demand a manager and do a daily checklist from the store manager that consists of 20 or so tasks to do in a 3 hour shift.

•store leads have nearly all of the responsibilities of the store manager, except they can't hire or fire anyone and they get paid less than half of what the store manager gets paid while having to do all of the same tasks, minus the fun ones (hiring/firing people)

•there are many signs that the company may shut down in the near future, but the company and my store manager are pretending like everything is fine and refuse to discuss it with employees

•leads are also expected to go to the bank for cash deposits for the store/to get change, etc. and I do not have my own car or license (which is not something I want to mention to my manager, as I'm required to have reliable transportation to work there, I just don't have to specify whose transportation it is) and that is a job requirement of a lead that I straight up cannot do. And the public transport in my city is lackluster and taking the bus to and from the bank would easily be an hour long trip or more, when it takes someone with their own car 15-20 minutes.

•I have a very bad memory and I am not confident that I could remember all of the procedures and passcodes that managers are required to remember. I could technically write it down, but I don't want to draw attention to my terrible memory, as I've been successfully hiding it for years. Nor am I confident that I could be responsible for keys and not lose them. And realistically, I'd lose the book/accidentally delete the notes app I made notes on.

•I've been able to hide it for now, since as a regular employee, I am not watched very closely, but I cut a LOT of corners and there are several store policies that I think are extremely stupid and I either straight up don't follow them or have workarounds for them. Obviously as a lead, I'd have to stop doing that, but some of these policies strongly go against my morals. This is just a whining bulletpoint lol

•I'm not great under pressure, and I'm even worse when someone is yelling/swearing at me or talking down to me. I've seen leads get talked to like they're trash by customers and they have been able to successfully stay calm and collected. In situations where I have been yelled at or talked down to, I call a manager to back me up, but that doesn't work if I am the manager. And I don't mean that I'll cry, because in some situations, that may help. No. I mean that my natural response to stress, especially someone yelling at me, is to fight back. I will cuss them out, yell back and I have been known to physically attack. Not at work, obviously, but that's because up until now, I've been able to push aggressive customers off onto my managers. I've also successfully hidden my anger issues from management and coworkers to the point where they think I am always happy and never get mad. It helps to have someone to back me up/deflect off of, but if I am the backup, no one can defend me.

•There are several things wrong with the store that are completely out of the control of any of us employees at the physical location and are the fault of corporate, but customers blame the employees personally and as a lead, I'd have to answer for the fuckups of corporate that I genuinely cannot answer for. (Such as return policies and inventory inaccuracies)

•My manager is very shitty at communicating with her team. I've personally witnessed several incidents that were caused by her not properly communicating with her leads and I don't want to wind up in a position where I'm responsible for resolving the conflict she caused by not communicating. Also

•I have nearly zero respect for my manager. I think she is an absolute moron, but I've been able to hide it as I don't have to work/interact with her very often. As a lead, I'd have to work with her more and it may slip.

•I don't wear a nametag. I very strongly believe that nametags are a great danger to the employees, especially employees like myself who have a very uncommon name with a very uncommon spelling. Yet as a manager, I'd have to "lead by example" and wear a nametag. I would ideally wear a fake name or have several fake nametags to rotate, but my coworkers obviously know my name and would call it out.

•I'd have to double-check on this one, but I think leads, as members of management, are required to watch potential shoplifters and confront/track them down. I'm not sure if this is a requirement of a lead or if the particular leads at my store are going way beyond their job requirements/have been coached incorrectly by the store manager. I know I, as a regular employee, am not required to chase after thieves and I actively refuse to confront/chase thieves for my own safety. But I am not sure if that would change with becoming a lead. My work does not have a security guard.

•I have several ideas of things we could and should do to improve the store, but my manager is very arrogant and refuses to listen to constructive criticism or constructive feedback in any form. It would drive me insane to have to keep doing things the wrong/difficult way just because she won't listen to suggestions. And this isn't just an assumption by me. I have personally suggested things that she blatantly ignored and so have other leads.

Posted by admin Rodney

[am-i-the-asshole-official]

Wibta if I told my friend, upfront, I do not want his toxic partners in my campaign party without specifying why?

Everyone in this is 22+

So I (22NB) have been working on a campaign for at least 3 years now. I used dnd as a base and built off it to make my own world, races, mechanics, massive maps, religions, languages etc. This will be a massive campaign with highlights on religion and dealing with gods as a mortal etc and I've put so many hours into it it isn't even funny. I mean shit, I picked music for different areas depending on if it's day or night.

I made a discord server to house most of the basic info my players would need from table rules to the races and beyond. I mainly had the idea that the party would consist of my dmnpc guide (he doesn't fight or break the game, his only action during fighting is the help action and guide the party. Im not an asshole dm who makes my guide the protagonist. If its important, death doesn't really exist in my campaign due to demi-god race stuff, the party just gets sent back to its last save point with my grumpy man guide saying I told you so.), my partner's character (24f)(she dosent get preferential treatment. We've been together for 8 yrs) and my best bud's character (22tm. Been friends for 8 yrs). I never said I specifically only wanted my partner and friend to be party members but it was implied due to the fact I never invited my friends partners to the discord. I just don't really have many friends and this is the first time I've ever dm-ed period, let alone dming my own homebrew. We're all pretty novice newbie players and I think it'll be fun for us to stumble through the game together in a much less complicated form of DND without seasoned players "um actually-"ing us the whole time.

My partner is excited to try and my friend is ecstatic and about 2 years into development (last November) he asked if I could let his partners join the campaign. There're a few issues with this beyond me not really knowing them and not wanting to run a large party (it's hard for seasoned dms to run a 4+ party, let alone I, a fresh infant of a dm). My friend has 3 partners of his (he has 4 total) he wants to introduce to my campaign, this includes (fake names): Mel(24nb), Sandy (mid 20s f) and Rue (23 tw). I have issues with each individual present and it all stems from me sitting in on a different campaign for a single session. See, my friend has his own campaign (much smaller, follows one story in one town on an island instead of my entire continent) and he tried to run it by those three partners (and 2 friends. Names and genders unnecessary, they were our age) while I quietly sat in the session (it was over a discord call, were all in differnet states except for me and my partner) and watched it run just to see how my friend dmed and how the groups chemistry was. They had a 3 hour session.

It was the most socially awkward, intense and passive aggressive 3 hours of my life. Mel barely paid attention and as a result, had to have things explained to them when they weren't listening. They would then would talk over the person explaining things, pick apart their language and get irritated to the point of telling them (mostly rue) to shut up. Mel was quite litterally looking for a fight constantly. Sandy was relatively quiet but also not paying attention and talking over other players actions. She also would come up with random "icks " and one minute was telling everyone to keep all sexual jokes and comments to themselves because it made her uncomfortable then the next said her character was literally blowing a guy in the back of tavern.(btw this is not a fetish campaign or anything, it was out of left field for everyone and my friend shut it down because of that) Rue was the "uhm actually" type who pointed out inaccuracies, broken rules and lack of realism (it's a pirate fantasy magic campaign. There isn't much to focus on realism). Rue was clearly the most seasoned player but the nicest all things considered. She was mostly just condescending and treated my friend like he was stupid for not having every single detail mapped out. The party also had 2 of his friends but they were just as quiet as me and also either not paying attention or listening to the shit show. The session litterally ended with Sandy and Mel having the tiniest argument, mel pulling a crying running away anime protagonist "I'm sorry for being just a fucking terrible person! Ill leave so you all can have fun!!" Then hanging up all dramatically. Safe to say, their party was literally every red flag I was warned about by dm guide content.

My friend then came to me and said they broke up with Sandy that night but were still friends and I was still in shock from the sheer toxicity. Did I mention I had only met Sandy and the two other friends that night? And had only spoken over the phone to Mel once in a group call and met rue in person 2 times? Safe to say, I do not want litterally any of his partners in my party for various reasons and I feel as if just one of them at my table would make my patience end on sight. I consider myself to be very flexible and want to do my very best to be a fair but strong dm who doesn't get their story absolutely trampled by players intentionally trying to ruin my story and watch me scramble (mel and sandy openly did that). These players would disrespect my table rules for fun. Even my friend said they never respect him and his story as a DM and he won't run a game with them again and he thinks they'll respect my rule? As a baby dm? Nah fam.

He wants to bring rue and Mel into my campaign and I haven't answered him yet. I've mostly dodged the question with "I'm not sure how big of a party I feel comfortable dming for, I'll know later down the line." And he's asked again, still curious. I don't wanna judge my friends relationships because he and Mel have been together for 5 years and rue has been with him for 2 (they were together previously before rue came out and rue tried to control and physically abuse him. Thats another reason I don't want her in my campaign. Fuck abusers) but the toxicity they would bring would probably poison me. If I bring these things up, idk how my friend would react and he can be a bit... Extreme when he gets defensive. Cutting people off permanently at a moments notice then coming back crying or confused. He has BPD which explains it but I don't obviously wanna say " your partners are low-key toxic and abit abusive and I don't want them at my table or in my life for the most part and although I love you bro(/platonic) I do not want living blowfish at my table that you might not even speak to tomorrow.".

Obviously I wouldn't word it like that but mainly I just plan on saying "Ive never dmed before and I'm nervous about the functionality of my campaign so I want to keep my party nice, small and intimate and only between you, me and my partner for now. Maybe we can incorporate them later." Without mentioning all the... Other stuff and side stepping if he's like "but what if just mel/rue?". Me, my partner and him have been friends awhile so it's not like he'll feel like he's third wheeling or anything and I get he wants his partners to take in his interest, I just do not want them at my table and I wanna know if I'm a dick if I dont specify why and avoid the question. I dont wanna rock the boat and hurt my friends feelings but I'm not gonna ruin the first full run of my pet project so a passive aggressive asshole and a know it all almost abuser can participate. He deserves to know why his partners can't join and I'm not technically lieing, even if they were cool, I don't know if I'd want them there. But they definitely aren't cool and that just seals the coffin for me.

(obviously I'm wording this in a comedic way but everything here actually happened and I mostly just wanna focus on supporting my friend despite his choices. I do not have to like his partners to tolerate them but it's my table and my years of work, if i dont want them there, they dont get to be there. I'm just wondering if I'm a dick for kinda lieing kinda not if I don't give the actual reasons for why I don't want them at my table and never plan on allowing them there. I would happily accommodate 1 or 2 more people at my table in this case if they were close to me like my sister or older brother but I dont know his partners well at all and even though they are passive to me, I dont feel safe around people like that. Wibta?)

What are these acronyms?

[ummmlife]

Miserable Salaryman!Nanami Boyfriend

part 2

warnings! : nanami x afab reader ; slight nsfw (still mdni) ; angst (?) ; headcanon ; salaryman!nanami ; if none of this makes sense (spelling and grammatically speaking) i'm sorry but my first language isn't english (lol)

What comes to my mind thinking about Salaryman!Nanami is: misery.

This man lives miserably in a constant depressive state that he isn't even aware of. He lives in a monotone routine that consists of: waking up at 5 a. m., getting ready for work, take the subway when is rush hour, getting at the office at 6:37 and start working at 7 o'clock for 8+ hours, have a casse-croûte for lunch, then leave the office at 1 a. m., get back home for a shower and sleep. Then repeat this over and over again.

The ambience of the city full of other corporative slaves just like him filling every single space of negative energy ends up draining him as well. An endless cycle of stress and tiredness that keeps, slowly but surely, consuming him.

That's how the life of a salaryman is.

Miserable Salaryman!Nanami will always come back home extremely tired, wanting nothing but a glass of whiskey and a migraine pill.

Miserable Salaryman!Nanami would try to pretend that everything is fine when he gets paid every month, just to then feel a knot in his throat after paying every bill.

Miserable Salaryman!Nanami who feels helpless every time he finds you completely asleep on the couch after a failed attempt to try to stay awake to wait for him to get home.

Miserable Salaryman!Nanami will do his best to spend more time with you but that only happens twice a month because he craves to sleep on his free days.

Miserable Salaryman!Nanami who could get sick very often due to overworking himself and, basically, venerates you for taking care of him.

Miserable Salaryman!Nanami who cries himself to sleep silently every night when he's in bed with you while you're sleeping because he feels that he's losing his life in a job that is taking away his best years.

Miserable Salaryman!Nanami who hates himself for not having enough time for you as he had before and fears that he's ruining your relationship.

Miserable Salaryman!Nanami whose libido is lower than 0 and has no energy to even have sex anymore, but begs you to cockwarm him to sleep, because the warm of your pussy hugging his dick brings him comfort. He doesn't just want to cuddle with you, he doesn't just want to hug you, he wants to feel as close as possible.

Miserable Salaryman!Nanami who will cum immediately once his dick is deep inside of you because, honestly, he can't last a minute with you anymore. Of course, he won't pull out, so get ready to sleep with his thick cum filling your womb and wake up with his flaccid dick still inside while his little "gift" from last night keeps leaking from your inside.

Miserable Salaryman!Nanami will shyly ask you to let him sleep with his head on your chest to squeeze your tits and suck your nipples for stress relief.

Miserable Salaryman!Nanami who ends up collapsing in front of you like a little kid and who you end up convincing to leave his job.

After watching your boyfriend have a mental breakdown, which you never thought possible, you had him lean over you on the couch while he calmed down a bit and stopped crying. —"I really don't know what would be of me without you... you are an angel in my life, thank you."

Miserable Salaryman!Nanami that just quit his job and took part of his savings to go on a trip with you to Malaysia, so he can finally rest in peace next to you on a nice beach with no more worries in his life.

shitty concept and shitty headcanons, yes, but i really like miserable (big) men craving comfort from their partners :) that's all ‹𝟹

[jinxedmuse]

secret dating idol!svt — 95z line, & if you guys get caught

authors note: idk this just seemed fun! i wanna release a one shot for another member but i’m stuck between which one ;-; so for now we have this plz enjoy!!!

warnings: uhm reader is famous but it fluctuates between each member (ie: actor, idol, etc)? , should be gender neutral but tbh may (???) come off as fem.

choi seungcheol

probably another idol (+ leader) he liked how you managed your group and definitely gives off the vibe he’d approach first if he was really interested.. which thankfully, he was!

dates (although rare bcs ur both busy taking care of ur children, ie: team members lol) definitely consist of: driving around the very low-key parts of seoul, pre reserved dinners at extremely exclusive restaurants, weekend golf dates at elite and selective country clubs (with matching outfits), and obviously going over his place to sleep in and play w/ kkuma!

surprises you with gifts every time you can meet! or, he’ll just have it directly ordered to your place. definitely have an over flow of couple items like that man is as obvious as can be without completely blowing the lid over??

he wants matching couple rings sooo bad but he knows that svt is known for their pinky rings & people would immediately notice if he had another one that he suspiciously never took off.. hm? so he’d opt for matching sweat suits (ie: hoodie/sweatpants sets/athletic sets/lounge sets etc). he’d buy you the gray ver of his all black adidas sweatsuit and everyone would be like.. wait a min? but also can’t pin point if they’re overthinking it (hint: they’re not ;)

when things get serious, and they most likely will, he’s probably the best long term partner ever.

yes, he’s a man at the end of the day so obviously he’d wanna have fun and we do not know him outside svt content BUT i feel like he already has so much responsibilities to bare and he’s too busy to even be dating but he chose to! with you! because he likes (dare i say loves) you a lot! so why would he wanna waste his precious time that he barely has??

definitely gets matching tattoos with you somewhere down the line. i feel like if you guys were like YEARS into it , parents have met, etc etc then he’d get your initials on his ring finger or somewhere on his back or along his neck :(

at this point, dispatch has a wholeeee book on you guys. definitely planning to expose y’all as the new years couple but you know hybe is swimming in money so they paid them off and saved your asses! aka, you don’t get caught.

lucky you!

yoon jeonghan

probably dating a idol or well known model. either way, you’re both known for your otherworldly visuals! you guys met at a exclusive ysl event/after party and he asked his manager to talk to your manager and boom! things went off.

dates are actually pretty regular. don’t get me wrong, you both have pretty hectic schedules, and yours are pretty random because you never know which city you need to be in next but since you both don’t like doing as much interviews/variety shows as your counterparts, you use that time on dates!

you guys reserve 1- sometimes 2 hour tours at those interactive park places (where you can hold/feel animals etc) and takes lots of pictures for each other (which means matching lovestagram!!!) , you guys go on secretive sauna dates to catch up on your work weeks, and hang out at each other’s apartment while eating your fav food at odd hours lol!

LOVEEE couple items! matching lego sets, pet rocks, any new jewelry he gets, especially if it’s a bracelet, he buys another one for you and you guys wear them 24/7 like seriously it doesn’t come off! would probably even get the cartier love bracelet if he wasn’t so dedicated to ysl…

fans are saurrrrrr suspicious because like.. is he even trying to be subtle or are they just making it up in their head??? svt would be playing the character quiz and you’d come up and his brain would literally malfunction like all he can do is smile and apologize for “getting you wrong” while the rest of the members are trying to (not so) swiftly move on.. yeah!

you guys are definitely the on and off type! nothing toxic just every time you both get genuinely TOO busy you’d cool off from each other and bounce back like nothing happened.

i feel like he’d want something long term but wouldn’t be too set on marriage? idk, if you guys did end it wouldn’t be on a bad note and you’d both just play it off (to the public) as if you were always “just” friends but bffr.. anyway!

you guys wouldn’t necessarily get exposed by dispatch/a news outlet but both your fandoms would like low-key know you had something going on and respect that privacy.

joshua hong

i can see him dating a gorgeous high class actor/actress. you guys meet at an award show and slowly got to know each other before comfortably settling into a relationship.

dates are superrr frequent, even your personal managers are shocked because damnn that devotion? you guys already told them that any free time you have in your bustling scheduals go to each other. very cute.

dates are very spontaneous and depend on where you are. believe it or not most dates are at home and consist of you laying your head in his lap as he makes bracelets and you revising your lines. (as with ll the boys) you get backstage concert privilege with kisses between sets and he visits you on set with coffee trucks for everyone and your fav pick me up snack if you're feeling down during filming.

couple items are very low-key! he's known for his handmade jewelry so he'll give you one or two but anymore will land ya'll in the mouse trap. so the more intimate matching things never see the light of day.

fans start getting suspicious when they realize that all the films or dramas he's been recommending lately have you in it but he just plays it off that he's been getting interested in more films during his down time and you became his favorite actress/tor .. right! also you suddenly keep singing seventeen songs (his parts) in your behind the scenes and they're just like..? okay maybe you just really go into seventeen outta no where.. whatever that means!

you both are very private people by nature so you guys leave 0 trace behind when planning dates etc like everyone is signing NDA's lol! so dispatch (and your fans) may have a feeling, but they have no proof.

does have marriage in mind for the long run but you guys would date for a longgggg time before that like 5+ years. would probably announce it randomly after you guys are satisfied with your career and respected enough to the point people don't throw a fuss but are genuinely happy for you. ya'll end up nicknamed: the nations unexpected but ultimate visual couple, for sure!

───── ⋆⋅☆⋅⋆ ─────

[ghcstao3]

(from this post. i got excited)

It’s an easy job, at the very least.

Show up, have Price assign a location, sell produce for eight hours straight, go home. Repeat the next day, or two days from then, whichever is most convenient to the farmer running the entire operation. Proceed all summer long.

It’s simple, almost too simple, but who is Johnny to complain when he’s getting paid above minimum wage to essentially sit around all season?

At least, Johnny wouldn’t be one to complain if it weren’t for the fellow university student he’s consistently paired up with to work alongside.

It’s not that Simon is rude or unpleasant or anything—in fact, if he was, Johnny thinks it might make things a bit easier—he’s just… quiet. And frustratingly intriguing but so unresponsive to Johnny’s attempts at making the days that seem to stretch on forever just a little more bearable.

At some point Johnny starts to think Simon hates him, with the way he’ll hold longer conversations with customers than with his own coworker. It’s miserable, in all honesty, because Johnny had just hoped to come away from this job with a friend, like most of his past employments—instead he’s been saddled with one-word responses and the barest hint of a cold-shoulder and it’s driving him insane.

But Johnny lets Simon ignore him. He’d prefer mutual company, sure, but he also recognizes when limits are set.

So when they’re trapped under their stand of the day, huddled together as much as two people can be without touching, Johnny still makes no attempt to spark conversation even as the chill of an anomalous late-June near-freezing cold soaks into his bones. He keeps his mouth shut even when he begins shivering uncontrollably, not wanting to disturb Simon and whatever contentedness he feels in his silences and steady gazes.

Though, Johnny nearly whines when Simon gets up and takes his warmth with him after muttering something about getting something from the truck.

Then Simon is returning, and something silver and crinkling is being draped over Johnny’s shoulders with a tentative care before Simon is returning to his spot without a word. Johnny pulls the emergency blanket tighter around himself and finally allows himself a glance at Simon, still composed and unreadable as ever.

Johnny dares break the silence with a soft, “Thank you.”

Simon shrugs a shoulder. His eyes are still firmly set ahead, to the space where imaginary customers stand in the pouring rain.

“Don’t imagine Price would appreciate having to fill out a report if you got hypothermia,” Simon says. 

It’s the most words he’s spoken to Johnny in succession, and it comes at a slight shock. Johnny stares, wide-eyed, incidentally boring holes in the side of Simon’s face. He watches Simon’s jaw work, almost like he’s chewing on the regret of opening a line of communication to Johnny.

“I’m sure he’d find a loophole,” Johnny quips.

Simon huffs. Johnny suspects it’s the closest to a laugh he might ever get.

In the lull that follows, Simon hangs his head, picks at a loose thread on his jeans. There’s almost a bashful quality to the action as he asks, “What do you call a bear in the rain?”

Johnny frowns. The first time Simon ever really talks to him, and he’s… setting up punchlines? But even amidst his confusion, Johnny echoes, “What do you call a bear in the rain?”

Simon looks up at Johnny, brown eyes sparkling with mirth. “A drizzly bear,” he replies in a deadpan.

Johnny snorts before bursting into a fuller laugh, fingers curling tightly around the edges of the blanket as he doubles over at the absurdity of… everything. There must be something in the air. In the God-awful weather.

“That’s horrible,” Johnny laughs, “Just terrible.”

“There’s more where that came from,” Simon tells him, sounding vaguely pleased with himself.

“Well, go on, then.” Johnny grins. His stomach cramps with fading laughter. “Give it your best.”

And Simon sure does.

Johnny isn’t too certain what’s shifted between them to cause this, in this short frame of time. But either way, he’s glad for it.

Now he can only pray it holds up for the rest of the summer, let alone their next shift together. This side of Simon is far better than anything Johnny could have hoped for, in his prior endeavours to be amicable.

How he could listen to Simon telling stupid jokes for the rest of time.

Johnny can't wait to learn more about him.

[rogersideup]

Nice to be Kneaded

Chapter 7

Beautifully Natured

Series Masterlist

Previous part: Sunflower Next Part: The Brewing Storm

Word Count: 5,999

Warnings: My blog is 18+ only. All minors or blogs without an age in bio will be blocked. Minors DNI. Descriptions of injuries, mentions of anxiety, and sexual and domestic abuse. Topics discussed in this chapter could be hard for some people, please be advised.

"So..." You shouted from the inside of your walk in closet to make sure Steve could hear you from his spot, comfortably sprawled out in your bed wearing nothing but your blankets. "I just have to input work hours into payroll and decorate a few cakes for pickup tomorrow. It should only take a few hours, do you want to do something after?"

"Ummmmm yeah" He shouted back, sass laced in his tone. "What am I supposed to do? Say no?"

"Well then sorry I asked!?" You rolled your eyes, happy he couldn't see the stupid smile on your face as you buttoned your jean shorts.

"Are you sure you have to go to work at all?" He asked.

"Oh, I'm sure." You looked through all your tops to try and find one good enough to wear to work.

"But isn't the beauty of being your own boss being able to make your own work hours?"

"Yes, but the downside is needing to make sure all your employees are taken care of. If I don't input payroll today, nobody will get paid next week." You explained, pulling a shirt off a hanger.

A pair of unsuspecting arms wrapped around your bare stomach from behind, and a few kisses were placed at the crown of your head. "I'm sure they have savings?"

You giggled at his attempt. If it were up to him, the two of you would be naked in bed all day. Watching movies, eating food, and getting your daily cardio in through endless romps between the sheets. As lovely as that sounded, you had a whole business that heavily relied on you to keep operating.

"People have kids to feed and rent to pay, baby." You slipped the T-shirt over your head, and he stepped back to give you space to do so.

Once your arms were pulled through the short sleeves, and you tucked just the front into your pants. He reached his hand out to grab your injured one, it was only then you noticed he managed to put some pants on.

"How's your money maker?" He questioned, inspecting the healing gash in your palm.

"Getting better every day." You reassured him. "It's almost gone."

"Feeling better?"

"Doesn't even hurt" You nodded.

"Tough as nails, beautiful." He raised the back of your hand to his lips before kissing it. "And you'll have a really cool scar to show for it."

No matter how much time you've spent with him, or how intimate the two of you have become, you still couldn't help the blush in your cheeks whenever he complemented you.

You just simply weren't used to a guy treating you like this, it was as if Steve worshiped the ground you walked on. He complemented you every chance he got, held open every door, never let your glass vase empty of flowers, and deeply cared about your well-being. You'd never eaten and consumed water on such a consistent basis in your entire life.

The track record of lousy men in your life had you used to busting your ass to make sure their stomachs were full, you fought tooth and nail just for a moment of their attention. You'd spend hours squeezing yourself into uncomfortable shape-ware then into even more uncomfortable outfits after hours of doing your hair and makeup just for a glimmer of hope that they'd tell you they thought you were pretty.

You were used to 24 hour labor just to maintain a career and keep your last ex happy, busting your ass in hopes of validation from him just for your cheek to be met with the back of his hand and his back turned away from yours as you slept at night. You'd sleep with him even if you hated every second just for the chance to feel his arms around you, you'd hoped that maybe you'd get to look into his pretty brown eyes and see a tiny sparkle of lust for you. But you always ended up feeling worse than where you started. Like a toy, a vessel for his white picket fence fantasy.

But Steve? You're pretty sure he'd get on his hands and knees just to kiss your feet if you'd let him. Sometimes you felt guilty. You knew you should enjoy every moment of feeling wanted and worshipped, the altitude in which Steve cared about you is something you thought you could only dream of from a man.

But a lot of the times you had to stop and take a deep breath. Like when he'd rest his hand on your cheek and you'd have to physically restrain yourself from flinching, or when he told you how beautiful he thought you were but all you could get yourself to believe was that he was lying to keep you close and use your body. When he reached for your hands to hold them or give you a hug, your brain always wanted to yank them away before he could have the chance to pull you first.

Of course you knew that's not what was happening here, and you never had any of thought thoughts before sleeping with him. Why they had become so loud and invasive recently was beside you, and completely aggravating.

You wished in moments like these you still had Georgia to talk to. She was the only one who truly knew what you had gone through, and the only one who ever seemed to give you advice you could wholeheartedly trust. Of course you had other friends, but they wouldn't understand like Georgia would. Shit, Georgia wouldn't even understand anymore considering she hated Steve with every bone in her body.

So now it was up to you, and your sort-of clueless fugitive to sort out this jumbled mess of emotions in your head. Quite honestly, you didn't want to subject him to carrying the weight of the hurt in your heart. So.... you were down to just you.

"...did I lose you?" He asked as he gently let go of your hands when he saw a glossy lost look in your eyes.

"No..." You shook your head and forced a smile. "Sorry. What do you want to do later? Do you have anything in mind?"

He nodded shyly. "I have some plans in mind if you're feeling up to it."

"What kind've plans?" You asked, eyebrow raising in suspicion.

"Surprise plans" He shrugged.

"Should I be scared?" You thought out-loud.

"No" he giggled. "It's definitely nothing too crazy."

"Should I change when I get home from work?"

"Nope, what you're wearing is perfect, and I'll come pick you up."

You checked your outfit in the mirror hanging on the closet door just to make sure you looked okay before leaving the house. "A t-shirt and shorts is perfect?"

"You look great" he grinned proudly before kissing your shoulder, looking at you through the mirror.

"Are you sure you want to pick me up? I don't mind meeting you at your place." You questioned.

"Yeah of course!" He said enthusiastically. "Why would I not pick you up?"

"Just seems a little inconvenient for you, that's all." You grinned at his confusion.

"It's not inconvenient" He shook his head. "It would be inconvenient for you to come all the way back here just to meet me at my house then leave again. Plus, even if it was inconvenient for me I wouldn't mind because I'd do pretty much anything just to spent 5 minutes with you."

"You're a puppy dog, Steve." You smiled on the outside but screamed on the inside, just trying to convince yourself you deserved this.

Behind that smile, he could see there was something wrong. Your hesitancy to accept anything he was saying to you at the moment was making him slowly panic and shrink into himself. He was scared he had done something wrong, or maybe you were just starting to remember the gravity of the situation the two of you were in.

No matter what, he couldn't think of a situation in which the pain in your eyes wasn't his fault. It made him swallow hard and think of a low pressure way to ask what he did to make you feel hurt enough to hide it.

He watched your walk to your shoes and slip on a pair of white sneakers, and tie them up in a perfect knot. Leaning against the door frame to wait for you, you popped back up with a little spring in your step.

You approached and put your hands on his waist just to feel his warm bare skin underneath your hands one last time before you had to go, then rocked up on your tippy toes for a kiss. His hands met the small of your back, before one of them traveled upwards to caress the side of your cheek.

Once again, you had to suppress the fight or flight response a hand on your face caused.

"Are you okay?" Steve asked you, slowly moving his hand back down to your spine.

Turns out, you weren't as good at hiding your internal war as you thought you were.

You nodded, "I'm okay."

"Are you sure?" He asked again, his tone was gentle but you could tell he was genuinely concerned.

"Yeah" You tried to convince him, but you really couldn't even convince yourself. "Yes, I'm okay."

That did nothing but raise the anxiety levels in his own mind, and cause his heart to sink into his stomach. But he knew now wasn't the right time to open up a whole can of worms right before you had to go to work, so just for you, he was going to live in the sinking feeling for a little while before he could see you again and talk about it at a better time.

"Okay" He pressed his lips together in a straight line and he looked down to see your face, his long hair forever flopping into his eyes. "I hope you have a good day at work"

You could tell he was worried, but you could tell even more that he thought he was the source of whatever was going on. And although that was partly the truth, it wasn't his fault and it killed you to see him look so down about it.

"How could could it possibly be good if you aren't there?" You questioned rhetorically, earning a genuine smile from him.

"Well I'll be here waiting for you the whole time, that's gotta count for something, right?" He smiled.

"Just like I said, you're a puppy dog." You smiled genuinely this time, and gave him one more kiss. "You can stay here as long as you want by the way, no pressure to leave."

"Okay, I'll see you later, Baby." He gave you another kiss for the road.

"Looking forward to it."

For the entirety of your time in the bakery, you just couldn't stop thinking about it, about him. You really did care about him so much, and you knew how much you meant to him as well. The more your mind spiraled the more guilty you felt.

Then you started thinking about Georgia again. If she really cared about you, why was she so keen on your ex but won't touch Steve with a 10 foot pole? Steve was the one who treated you like a god while the last one was taking advantage of you and playing cat and mouse behind closed doors.

Was it lack of judgment, or perhaps too much judgement? Maybe she was like your mother and would rather you be miserable in a situation that was bad for you just so everyone around you could think you had a loving husband and kids, rather than be happy with Steve who was a little too rough around the edges for Greenwood. Or maybe she was just like you, flinching and cowering at the remembrance of your last love.

You held it together until closing, then when it was just you alone in your cozy (not so) little bakery, a few tears fell and blurred your vision as you piped out the intricate details on the pink princess style cake on the turntable. A good time to take a breather didn't really happen until you finished the third and last cake, and all of them were tagged with the customer invoice and safely stored in the fridge.

You went to the bathroom with the intention of trying to fix yourself up considering Steve would be there at any moment to come get you, and you really didn't want him to see you like this. After managing to get yourself mostly presentable, you made a discovery that accounted for some of the dramatic emotions today, and that was a visit from Aunt Flow herself.

Your period made her monthly debut, and somehow, that made you feel a little bit better but also significantly worse. There was now something to blame for the tears, but also a whole new source of anxiety. For the first time, you'd have to deny Steve sex if that was in his list of plans for the night.

The thought made your hands shake and an uncomfortable stinging reside in your lungs. You really didn't want to find out that he was anything like your ex. If you said no but he still said yes, and insisted his emotions were more important than yours, you weren't sure you could handle that.

You couldn't handle a whole night of hugging yourself to sleep with his back facing you, holding back tears as to not wake him up. You couldn't handle disappointing him, or upsetting him just because of a two letter word slipping off your tongue.

Before you could even get your phone out to text him to reschedule, you could hear footsteps in the store. One last look in the mirror had you taking in one last deep breath before walking out and facing the cold hard truth that maybe you'd be led to uncomfortable disappointment tonight.

"Sunflower!" He smiled when he saw you, quietly walking over.

"Hi Stevie" You greeted, once again putting on your bravest face.

"I saw your cakes in the fridge, they're so pretty!" He complemented.

"Thank you, thank you" You accepted, feeling a little calmer around him. With no more room to let your mind wander, there was no time for imaginary scenarios. "You look very handsome"

You were also comforted by his choice in outfit. Much like you he was wearing shorts, a causal shirt, and some sneakers. There was a hat on his head and his car keys remained in his palm.

"You always say that." He smiled and shook his head.

"Cause I always think that" You rebutdtaled, turning off the lights, getting ready to leave with him. "Soooo what are we doing?"

"Oh! Right!" He lit up. "I thought we could have a picnic and watch the sunset over at the Lakeview Cliffs. Is that okay?"

Another wave of relief washed over you, you could definitely use some fresh air and a sunset to help clear your mind. "That sounds perfect."

After a big hug and a long kiss, he held all the doors open for you, conversation flowed easily, he set up the whole picnic insisting you didn't lift a single finger, and the two of you ate until your bellies were happily full.

With nothing around but grass and trees, and a gorgeous lake below the cliff, the world suddenly felt less suffocating. You loved moments like this were Steven from Greenwood could just be Steve Rogers, and you didn't have to be the neighbor anymore.

You could be you, he could be him, and the two of you could be lovers with nothing to hide from.

As the sun started it's decent, he took his hat off and ran his fingers through his hair a few times before laying down and inviting you to lay down with him.

Settling down side to side on the blanket, his arm was your pillow and his hand was grazing the top of your arm until you reached up to lace your fingers with his.

You could physically feel your heartbeat settling with the sun, and your chest warmed with the hot summer air. The season was coming to an end, every once in a while there would be a cool breeze that reminded you that fall was rapidly approaching so you enjoyed the heat until it was gone.

Not many more words were shared after that. Deep down you both knew that you each had your own thoughts to sort through in your own jumbled up minds. The only difference was that you knew the battle Steve was fighting, but cluing him in on yours felt impossible.

So instead of thinking about it, you thought about nothing but the beauty of the world you lived in. You watched the sun reflect off the calm ripples of the water off in the distance, how softly cushioning the grass was beneath your blanket, the rustles of the tree leaves with every passing breeze, all the chirps of the birds soaring over the water, and the calming breaths and radiating warmth of your favorite boy next to you.

You could've cried right then and there just because of how calm you felt, how beautiful life could be regardless of personal experiences and circumstances.

You couldn't possibly imagine how Mother Nature designed such beautiful colors to paint the sky every night as the sun made its way to light up different parts of the world, or how she came up with the idea of a quick green flash to signify the end of daylight, and most importantly how the light of golden hour made Steve even more beautiful than before.

His calmness made you calm, and his stillness made you still.

Even after the sunset you two continued to lay and watch the stars twinkle. But you rolled to your side and rested your head on his chest, just to hear his heart beat faster when you held him closer.

After about an hour of comfortable silent stargazing, you propped yourself up just to be able to give him a kiss. He happily accepted, but also could tell you were tired, and he knew you were still at an emotional distance away from him, so he knew it was time to get you home.

There were some uncontainable smiles you missed on the car ride home. Steve would take his eyes off the road for just a split second to see you struggling to fight off sleep with your head resting against the passenger window, you also missed more smiles when you took his hand off the gear shift to hold it in both of yours.

It seemed as though the whole neighborhood was asleep by the time he pulled into his driveway, so he felt more than comfortable walking around to get you from the passenger seat. Besides, all of Georgia's lights were off.

"Come on sleepyhead" Steve held out his hand for you to help you out of the car, and you dragged yourself out.

When you were back on your two feet, your calmness was replaced with anxiety again. It had been a rollercoaster of emotions all day, and you were ready to just skip to the part where you could hideaway in bed to deal with the disappointment in Steve's reaction to you denying him what he probably wanted.

"There you go" He closed the car door, and once again promised to take you to get your car from the bakery tomorrow.

“Thanks for everything tonight, I think I really needed that." You admitted.

You could see the concern on his face once more as he pulled you in for a hug. "Anytime. Are you sure you're okay?"

"Yeah, I'm sorry." You nodded, pulling away quickly just in case someone was watching. "Just not really feeling the best today."

You wrapped your arms around yourself in attempts to self sooth, he could tell how uncomfortable you really were.

"What's going on, sweetheart?" He questioned, leaning back against his car.

“I don't really know" You shrugged and sighed. "Just have a lot on my mind."

"Did I do something wrong?" He flat out asked, seeking his own peace of mind.

"No" You immediately shook your head? "God no- it's not your fault. I'm sorry if i made you feel like you did"

"It's okay, I just- I could tell you've been a little weary around me recently and I just really want to make sure it's not something I'm doing to you." He admitted hesitantly.

"No, baby." You stepped closer to him. "It's really not your fault. I'm so sorry."

He wanted to comfort you, his arms ached to hold you close, his lips wanted to kiss you and tell you that whatever was happening would be okay. But he couldn't here in the driveway, not for potential neighbors to see. Not for his sake or yours.

"Do you want to go inside?" He offered, your heart immediately started racing, you felt nauseous like you could throw up at any moment.

"I can't" You shook your head again, holding back tears. Your eyes immediately met the floor, but not before you could see his eyebrows furrow.

"You can't?" He questioned, dripping with worry.

All you could get yourself to do was shake your head.

"What's going on?" He continued to ask.

"Um," you swallowed. "I just started my period."

His posture deflated and his expression softened, "is that why you don't feel good?" Steve asked, causing you genuine confusion.

"What?" You finally looked up at him, blinking back tears.

"You don't feel good and you're about to cry" he stated the obvious. "Is it because of your period?"

"No- it's just that I can't-" A tear finally broke and fell down your cheek, you quickly wiped it away. You felt pathetic, you couldn't even finish your sentence.

"Baby" He pouted. "Are you sure you don't want to come in?"

"No" In a moment of courage, you stood your ground. If you didn't do it now, you never would be able to. "I can't have sex with you tonight, I'm sorry."

The second those words flew out of your mouth, Steve was taken back. Not because of what you had denied, but because he understood now what this was all about. He became overwhelmingly sad for you, but also overwhelmingly angry over the men that trained your brain into such a viscerally traumatic response at the situation at hand.

He didn't know what do or or to say, he didn't know how to reassure you that it wasn't his intention in the first place, or how to calm you down in a way that felt safe for you. He needed a few seconds to formulate an appropriate response with every factor at play.

Unfortunately you took those few seconds as rejection, and it didn't take much for your silent tears to turn into sobs as your legs quickly carried you away from him and toward your own house. "I'm sorry, I'm so sorry."

"Wait, wait, wait!" He called out, but he didn't want to chase you, and he certainly didn't want to hold you back. "That's not what I was expecting from you when I asked if you wanted to come in. I just wanted to talk about what's going on, that's all."

His heart broke for you, there was nothing that could make it better. He knew that, but he also wished he had known about this about 10 minutes sooner so he could've found better words to invite you in. He could've been a bit more sensitive on how he chose to handle the night better, he could've avoided making you feel so uncomfortable in your own mind. He just felt bad.

You stopped in place for a few moments to hear him out, but everything in you mind and body was telling you to run- far and fast to your front door, locking your door and the deadbolt behind you.

As your ears listened for his footsteps walking on the concrete to come catch you and pull you back towards his house, you couldn't comprehend that he was staying put. Leaning against the sleek black car, you weren't a mouse and he certainly wasn't a cat.

He was relieved when you stopped, but terrified the next words out of his mouth would be the wrong ones. "You don't have to spend the night if you don't want to, you never have to do anything you don't want to. I just wanted to make sure you're alright." He reiterated once more. "You can even go home right now if that's what you need to do, but I hope you know I really care about you. And I'm really sorry if I made you feel pressured into that, ever"

Immediate guilt washed over you. Again. Just like it had all day long. You had imposed so many of you passed experiences with shitty men on your Sweet Stevie, and you couldn't believe you let them continue to spoil every attempt at love you've made since you escaped their hands.

Now you were sobbing between driveway 304 and 306 while he kept as much physical distance between the two of you as he could, hugging a car instead of your body.

You so desperately wished you never had to feel like this, all while he was plotting ways to ensure you never had to feel that way again.

It was too overwhelming, the flooding emotions made you dizzy and the floor felt like it wanted to swallow you whole. All you could do was sink down onto your knees, then fall onto your butt when you felt how invasive the concrete was on your skin.

Steve wanted to cry with you, part of him could never understand how you felt, but another part of him knew exactly how you felt. So many people had hurt you in ways you couldn't have ever imagined, and trying to rebuild yourself after being torn down was painful and complicated. He's been there, he was there. Right here, right now, and the only thing that ever made him feel better was you. His warm sunflower, his guiding light in the dark.

Maybe you needed him too, so he approached slowly. When he made it to you, he sat down with enough space to make sure you knew he wasn't making advances towards you.

He rested his hand palm up towards you with his forearm in his lap. You always played with his fingers when you were anxious, so he wanted a low pressure way to offer that to you.

"I'm really sorry, Sunflower." He apologized once more, his voice calm and compassionate. "I had no idea. I never meant to hurt you like this."

You slowly reached out for his hand, all while still being unable to even look at him. It was warm and heavy in your grip, his fingers were silky soft and nimble for you to fidget with.

"You mean so much to me, no matter what we do together all ever I want to do is spend time with you. You aren't just a body to me, you never have been but maybe I got a little to carried away. I just really, really like you." He continued.

You mind slowly calmed as he spoke, and all the times you two have made love came rushing back to you. Not so much the deed itself, but how you felt before and after.

All the times he asked before laying a finger on you, all the times he checked in to make sure you were still feeling okay and on board with the endeavors, when he told you how beautiful you were, how happy you made him, how good you made him feel, the eye contact, how good he made you feel, how he made sure you knew that you were wanted and appreciated, all the times he got you cleaned up, how he always made sure you were warm and comfortable, and how he continued to give you his love and attention when all was said and done. He'd hold you close, make sure you were tucked in just the way you liked, peppered your face, shoulders and arms in kisses.

Even afterwards he still made sure you felt beautiful, wanted and seen. His attention towards you was never transactional or conditional. He wasn't the problem, he was never the problem.

When you felt calm enough, and your brain could finally recognize that there wasn't a threat, you pushed yourself up and onto him. Your arms wrapped around his body nice and snug, and you cried into his shoulder. "It was never you, this isn't your fault. I'm sorry you have to deal with it."

He very hesitantly wrapped his arms around you too. "You don't have to apologize."

"Neither do you. You've always made me feel so good, I don't know why I get like this sometimes. My brain tells me I need to run away, but my heart knows you'd never hurt me. It's just a battle of who's voice is louder."

“I understand what PTSD is like, I know what it's like to have been hurt and betrayed by people you love, but I can't relate to what you've been through. So when you feel like something is wrong, or you need me to change whatever I'm doing, just tell me, okay?" He cradled the back of your head. "I'll never be mad at that."

"Okay" You tearfully agreed. "I'm really sorry"

"It's okay, Baby, you're okay." He comforted you.

"You're so important to me, and I love spending time with you" you reiterated. "I didn't mean to hurt your feelings."

"You didn't hurt my feelings" He pet your hair, "I'm just really angry at whoever made you feel like there should be a consequence to saying no. You never deserved that."

"Thank you for being so understanding." You shoved your face deeper into the crook of his neck.

"Honey, I'm going to say exactly what I mean this time, okay? In the most delicate way possible, I really want to make sure that you're okay, and you're sobbing in the middle of the sidewalk after running away from me for the whole neighborhood to hear and see. Can we please go inside so I can make this better without someone calling the cops? I don't think that would be good for either of us." He reworded his invite into his house.

The way he phrased it actually made you let out a genuine laugh, you had never really thought about how bad it looked or why he actually wanted to get you inside.

"Can we go to my house?" You asked, craving the comfort of your own bed.

"Of course." He agreed. "Hold on tight."

Understanding what he was about to do, you moved your arms to wrap around his neck instead, and he picked you up as you clung to the front of him like a koala. He got you inside safe and sound, and brought you to the couch where he sat down and you remained latched to his front.

He wrapped a blanket around the both of you to make you feel more secure, and rubbed your back and let you cry for as long as you needed. Every once in a while, he'd remind you that you were safe and in good hands.

When your crying came to an end and you were half asleep on Steve, you realized that moments like these were far more intimate than sex ever was for you, and here you were feeling more than content letting him provide his shoulder to cry on.

You reached up to caress the side of his head that was resting on yours, then kissed his temple. He grinned and kissed your forehead before wiping the last of your tears off your face and kissing your lips.

"I think you need a good night of sleep, Darling." He told you, still smoothly running his hands up and down your back. "Can I tuck you in?"

"Actually, will you stay?" You asked.

You couldn't help blushing at his reaction, a goofy lopsided smile. "Really?"

"Yeah" You nodded. "I've found out recently that I get my best sleep when you're next to me, and like you said, I think I need some good sleep."

"I would love to."

You guys dragged your feet up the stairs and he patiently waited for you to shower and get into bed. When you made it to the blanket and pillow wonderland, Steve was propped up on the headboard shirtless and in a pair of sweatpants he always left at your place.

Your arms found each other quickly, and his bare skin comforted you just as much as the heavy comforter he was pulling over your shoulders. Your found his hand under the blankets, and lifted it up to placed in on your cheek.

He immediately used his thumb to rub the gentlest little hearts under your eye as you left your hand cupping the back of his.

All of the parts of you that were once hurt in the hands of a man who claimed he loved you, were now on the journey of being healed by the kindness of a man who didn't even need to say he loved you to prove how much he cared.

You were comfortable, being held snugly and listening to the beat of the kindest heart you've ever met. And for once, your cheek was warm with something other than a residual sting.

Tonight wasn't perfect, and that's okay, because tomorrow the two of you will wake up to the sun returning from the journey it sought after just a few hours ago, and it'll be a whole new start. A whole new chance to get it right. It'll wake you up with a warm glow to bask in, and you'll also bask in the warm glow of somebody who really cares about you for all the right reasons.

That was all you could've ever hoped for, a man who was beautifully natured.

When you did wake the next morning, you were alone in bed but noticed your phone had been plugged in, your water bottle had been refilled, and a little note was on the unoccupied pillows next to your head.

At first your heart sank thinking maybe he got that phone call in the middle of the night, thoughts of never seeing him again filled your mind with dread. But you picked it up and his adorable little handwriting with a heart next to your name in the middle of a folded up piece of paper made you smile regardless of what was inside.

Your fingers quickly unfolded the paper, and out came a $20 bill, with more words jotted down on the light blue lines.

My precious sunflower,

Bucky called and I couldn't find it within my heart to wake you up. I'll be back soon with coffee, breakfast, and more cuddles as soon as he lets me go. (He can talk for hours if I let him, it's currently 6:35...) If you're actually reading this it means he's probably still talking and I'm probably still letting him. Also, while writing this I realized I still had this $20 and if you give it back to me one more time I'm going to be mad!!! >:(

Okay see you soon, Beautiful :) -Steve

You put the note in your bedside drawer to read again on a rainy day before shoving your face in the pillows and covering your head with the blankets with blushing cheeks and a smile on your face. You deserve this.

Next part: The Brewing Storm

Tag list: @patzammit @bemysugarbean @buckymydarlingangel @happinessinthebeing @jaqui-has-a-conspiracy-theory @differenttyphoonwerewolf @themotherof10 @lokislady82 @talesofadragon @spikeluv84 @xxxalicerogersxx @avid-fic-reader-05 @royalwriteroftheuniverse @whiskeytangofoxtrot555 @bitchy-bi-trash @crazyunsexycool @openup-yourmind

[noritoshiikamo]

reassurance [kamisato ayato x reader]

a part of manipulative!ayato series

cw reader is going through insecurity phase, post partum depression post pregnancy, brief mention of needle against skin, penetrative sex, lactation, female receiving, male receiving, spanking, spitting, light body worshipping, reader and ayato both tried to manipulate and rile each other up (failed successfully)

a/n yes this is the last part yes i tried to make ayato a little sweeter but i failed lol yes its not that long i want to retire /j hdjdjsjsj no more longer fics ill probably go for shorter now feel free to hmu would love to hear any ideas we can discuss on side *wink wink*

taglist— @cheolinn @duskamethyst @crashed-wing @cl-0-vr @shadowarchon @tezzy-lovez @ninefuckingoneone @rifran @somemydayy @ryumishou @kokoirne

you’ve changed.

it was just something you had noticed even without staring at the large mirror in the washroom. you felt different. you had never felt like this, you are not the type to get hung over of changes because you adapt a lot. your entire life consist of running away and adapt so you won’t appear to be interesting. hiding behind the title of shrine maiden worked. you blend into the crowd, stay out of trouble by keeping your words and works true and get paid. but shrine maiden was your old life. it wasn’t your shield anymore.

being lady of the commissioner felt like someone had stripped you naked and put you on display.

you carried his name, his family legacy, his child- you centered your existence around him. you felt insecure. your tilted your head, staring at your bare body in front of the foggy mirror. for the first time in your life, you were afraid of your reflection. your shaky fingers ran along the healed scar over your stomach. everyone said you were a strong mother- a warrior. giving birth to a healthy baby girl was like seeing a someone broke a vase and left it for you to clean. you had to pick yourself up and get your shit together. you didn’t understand the cheering as the loud cry of the baby echoed the estate. you felt tired, disgusting but he didn’t left you. you swore you had broken his bones with your grip, with your own cry. when the baby cried, they cheered but when you cried earlier, they told you to man it up and push. and when you failed, you feared the look the healers threw you.

while others tend for the baby, you spend a quiet seconds consoled by him as the needle sew your torn pieces together. you won’t lie that his word went in one ear and out of the other until he told you he loved you.

“w-what?” you asked, as he peppered your skin with kisses.

“i love you and thank you for going through this.”

you couldn’t believe your own mind. listening to the words escaping the commissioner’s mouth. a soft scoff escaped your lips. you felt appreciated despite all the ironic outcome. but it disappeared once the baby reached his arms. unexpectedly, he held the baby silently, tears brimming his eyes and to your own surprise, you did too. you made that with him. even out of a marriage that started out of seed of spite, you made something grew out of love.

but you still lost yourself.

between taking care of a small growing child, the needy father and his family, you felt naked again. the warm bubble burst when you kept being left alone, fending the quiet night holding a child threatening to burst into piercing cries the moment you set her down. you were exhausted. you couldn’t count the night falling asleep on the floor beside the baby crib, alone and waking up on the bed, alone. you rather go through another 20 hours of labour than admit that you miss him. but silence was louder than words anyway, he knew what you think. his love language evolved as you grew. for the time he couldn’t be with you, he made up as best as his could, his way.

it started small. a glass of water on the nightstand to greet you in the morning. warm bath just enough for you ready to step in the morning. baby changed, showered and dressed and ready for you to breastfeed. until your duty was no longer to serve the clan but to devote your entire time for the child’s growth. but how long could it last until you’re an empty shell of your previous life.

the time you wished you could bother him just to drop off a cup of tea became a hassle as the housekeeper ushered you back to your room as the child screamed for attention. you barely had dinner together. you lost the time you had with him to his own child. and now people won’t stop talking.

they’ve changed.

you winced at the words. you know it even without people pointing out. you did change. you cut your hair in a more manageable way, easier for you to manage and away from your curious child’s grip. you put on a little weight as your fingers gripped the excess skin. you looked tired, eye bags accentuated and longed the feeing of the heavy blade in your hand while you stared into his eyes determined to beat him up to his own game. you tried to shake the insecure thoughts out of your mind, startled by the opening and shut of the door. you sat in silence, waiting for a loud cry and such or the pestering yell from the housekeeper for leaving your child alone too long. your breasts ached. maybe the child is hungry, you thought to yourself as you felt the nectar threatening to leak off your bud. the silence was deafening. you hated it. your feet pitter pattered on the floor and before you could slide the door opened, you were greeted by a figure.

“the baby-” you instinctively muttered.

“what baby?” ayato asked back.

you rolled your eyes and pushed your way out and rushed to the crib. your spine chilled. your lips moved but words choked in your throat as you stared at the empty crib. you turned and ran against a cold hard wall, into his chest. he chuckled. “breath, i asked the housekeeper to take her for the night. she’s still sleeping,” your husband reassured, soft hushes while carefully brushing away the stray hair off your face. your shoulder hunched in relief as you lost your balance, his arms quick to hold your weight up. you muttered something out of relief, thanking the archon or some sort as he rocked you against his chest. “my lady,” he chuckled, “since when you are a believer?”

“shut up, ayato.”

he tilted his head that was inching closer and closer to yours, “make me.”

something ignited in you when your lips touched. your mind scrambled to think of the moment that matched and it brought you to the night he took you to the firework festival. it was from far, your growing body inching closer to your due date weren’t meant for long travel so you settled by the ledge of the estate. you remembered the moment so fondly because you didn’t remember the fireworks going on the back but the feeling of his lips pressed against you in the quiet, empty estate. you didn’t dare to look him in the eyes, buried your face in the crook of his neck. “i thought you were busy.”

“you need me. no one is important right now.”

the words echoed in your head. your fingers grabbed the corner of his shirt as he shrugged the jacket off his shoulder. the armory clanked on the floor. “should i ask why is my wife running out of the bathroom bare naked or should i wait for a bit?” he whispered naughtily into your ears. your face warmed up as you suddenly felt so aware of his arms wrapping around your bare waist. “shut up,” you whispered below your breath, but loud enough for him to catch. you stayed in each other arms, something you hadn’t done in a while. you counted the rate of his heartbeat with the palm pressed against his chest. “you’ll catch a cold. i don’t want you to be sick,” he tried again, fingers bare rubbing circles on your back.

“make me warm then.”

his chuckles echoes in your ears. being bold isn’t something he was surprised anymore, but it felt good in his heart to know that he was still needed. you knew, you could feel his heart skipped a beat. “well, i could never say no now that you are served on a pretty silver plate.” he kissed you again, slowly backing away. your feet followed as he led you to your bed. his kiss never broke off, ayato was getting good at this. the undressing was quick. even after months of no intimacy, it was like your brain had been doing this for days. the undoing of his vest and belt and pants came so naturally to you. it felt good when his bare chest rested against your mounds, his toned arm wrapped around your waist with his hand gently holding your neck as he lowered you down on the soft bed.

kamisato ayato had learned how to be soft.

because coming to someone so hard-headed like you with such a hard approach was like fighting fire with fire, immune. to tame a beast takes time and effort, taming you was his biggest achievement. lips mould to his own, the sound you made when he touched you was like a reward worth waiting for. he deserved this and you deserve it. “you know how insane it was,” he panted against your lips, eyes wild as he took his time to take your face in, “i spend months, day and night waiting to touch and kiss you again. i’m selfish. i want this child but i don’t want to share you.”

you smiled, hands cupping his cheeks, “you talk too much.”

“too much?”

you nodded as your hands moved to his shoulder, gently pushing him further down, “way too much.” he took your invitation, venturing down south; not without getting a quick taste of your hard buds. your face warmed up, mouth quick to mutter an apology. but he didn’t stop, even with a slight drip of the pale milk on the corner of his lips he continued his assault on your tits. he found it sweet, like you. the more his tongue swirled around the bud, the more you felt wetter. both on your mound and your core.

your moan echoed the room, as his hips pressed harder against your core. you felt impatient and he could sense it as his lips planted kisses down your belly to the small mound. he was like a child in candy store, eyes glistening in excitement. “c’mere,” he whispered, pulling you closer to the edge as he knelt on the floor. he didn’t take his time, fingers spreading your slit apart, tongue straight on your clit. your body jolted in pleasure, held down by his arms around your thighs. it moved in a random pattern then to a circle; his pointed tongue pressed against your swelling clit as your moans echoed the room.

“i forgot how fucking good you taste, my wife,” he slurred, haze in lust as his thumb replaced his tongue and it went lower. your back arched in pleasure, fingers fisting the sheet underneath. you could feel his tongue, swirling around your throbbing hole, teasing with a little jab in and out slurping loudly as the sweet fluid that kept on gushing out. you stuttered his name, room echoed only with his sloppy noise and your choked up moans. you felt dizzy; spit dribbling down the edge of your lips with your eyes rolled up. he was tongue fucking your cunt with his thumb pressing hard but pleasureful circles on your clit.

you opened your mouth, not a moan but a question.

his tongue stopped. his hair was a mess as he looked up. reality hit you like a brick as you propped yourself up on your elbows, brain raking for an explanation. stringy saliva mess connected his lips and chin to your aching cunt. you looked down on him, unsure if your words had ruined the moment.

would you still love me if i’ve changed too much?

you swallowed the lump in the back of your throat, the hot sweaty moments put past as you suddenly felt that heaviness weighing on your chest. he rested his cheek against your calf, breath tickling as he planted a kiss on your skin, “now why would my love ever think of such odd question?” ayato wondered, fingers lightly brushing against your inner thighs, “is that what has been bothering you?” he planted more kiss. “you think a little skin here and there, your hair or the fact that our child is latched to your breasts more than i’ve ever did is going to change the amount of love i had for you?” his brows jolted as his hands hooked underneath your legs pushing you backward on the bed. you gasped, as he pinned your legs downward, carefully not to hurt your body. his eyes curled into a smile so soft but his lips reflected otherwise. his breath hovered over your aching cunt again. your eyes met briefly.

“it would never.”

you threw your head backward, spine slowly arched as his hoarse tongue ran a long swipe along your folds up to your clit. it was getting harder to control the noise you were making, thighs begging to close on his head, unable to take the constant assault of his tongue pushing you closer and closer to edge but he kept it apart. you will not deny him of this pleasure. the tensed knot in your belly snapped in a second as you gnawed down your fist, muffling your scream from breaking the silence of the night. this is what you’ve been missing. the thigh trembling, cunt numbing from waves of pleasure that he won’t stop assaulting until he got every single drop of your sweet, sweet mess on his tongue. whatever ayato wants, he will get it.

still high from your orgasm, you could feel his lips peppering your sweaty skin with his kisses, mouthing along of how a good wife you were, sending more chills down your spine. his words were drowsy, sending your head spinning. it felt like an out of body experience, watching as he covered every inch of your skin with his kisses. “ayato, lay down,” you muttered, holding him by the chest. his brows shot up in confusion, cock already aligned against your cunt. “why?” he asked nervously.

“that’s not a request, it’s an order,” you muttered, a half of smile plastered on your face.

shrugging, despite a look of protest visible on his face, he followed your request. as you sat between his legs, you couldn’t help to how lucky you were. he rested against the bed post, wandering what was your next move. you could hear his sharp intake of breath as your fingers danced along the inside of his legs. his muscles tensed the closer you were to his crotch. he watched your intensely, clouded with excitement and curiosity. his cock rested against his belly, hard and warm and the moment your cold hand wrapped around the length, it twitched. not that you had any reference, he was your first and to his words, your last. you never had a moment to marvel on his, fingers running curiously along the bumps of vein as more pre cum started to drip along the length. you gave more strokes, eyes glued, head tilted in fascination. running your thumb along the slit, you couldn’t help but wondered how all of it fit.

bending down, you pressed a kiss on the tip, tongue lapping lazily on the slit.

“y/n,” he warned, disliking the idea of being teased.

you looked up, head slightly tilted on the side, no regrets in your mind, “beggars don’t get to choose, they get what they get.” the light roll of his eyes meant something to you. you knew the line at heart, it was his lessons; your punishments. your tongue moved again, slowly around the head before pulling back with a gentle pop. he stared mouth agape, cheeks flushing as strings of fluid connected you to his cock.

you weren’t punishing him. you were just learning about him better.

when you kissed his cock, his body twitched. when you looked up to him hazy, he flushed.

so when you took his entire length down your throat, it was excited to see how his hips bucked upward. you never heard such colourful words escaped melodiously out of his lips, hand quick to grab the base of your neck. “s-slow down,” he chuckled nervously, yet his action spoke the opposite. you held down well, pulling out with your tongue swirling along the length but never enough to pull out. you hummed and bopped, sucking on the tip and making sure that his tip hit the back of your throat every time. it made your cunt squirming, aching when you could taste him.

pulling out for a breather, your hands took the position, making sure that his cock was constantly occupied and ready for you. every stroke made the man swallowed faster, breath hitching when your hand sped up. you caught a glance of him; head back, eyes half opened holding back moans out of his throat. you leaned kissing his neck, jaw until you were looking in his eyes planting kisses on his lips.

“do me a favour?” you mewled.

he was almost breathless, “whatever you want.”

“fuck my throat please?” you batted your eyes, pleading with your eyes always work. he could never say no that, excitedly pushing your head down. you grew to like it, looking up with your glistening eyes as he kept a steady thrust in your mouth. his deep muttering of fucks echoed with the squelching of your throat throughout the room. you kept your fingers tight against his thighs. gagging sound was all he could hear from you, letting out moans of pleasure as a praise. “that’s my good girl, keep it wise.” he knew your limit, he trained you for this. you were so obedient, it made him obsessed. his cock twitched even more when tears started spilling down your cheeks.

“fuck, baby spread your legs a bit. i want to see you touch yourself.”

you did happily. you were more than wet, you could barely rub your clit. your moans only provide more stimulation to his cock every time it hit the back of your throat. it was a blurred sense of reality. both of you couldn’t take it anymore. “fuck, fuck, i’ll fucking cum if you keep doing that, c’mere,” ayato gasped, pulling you off. it was the sense of urgency as you kissed each other, climbing on his laps. his shaky hands welcomed you, while you scrambled to align yourself. you drank of each other’s gazes, swallowing the moans as you sank yourself down on him. you were breathing heavy, it was months ago when you had him deep. even with the amount of wetness you were, adjusting to his length took some time. he peppered kisses all over your face, shushing you, a hand on your waist gripping tight, “slow down, you’ll hurt yourself,” he warned, holding your face, teasing your lips with kisses. you shook your head lightly, his warning fell on deaf ears because all you wanted was all of him in you.

“i want you now.”

he grinned, “i know you do, but if i break you again, i will have to go back to fucking my hand and it’s not that much fun.”

his finger brushed against your cheeks, “go slowly, you’re so fucking tight i can fucking cum right now.” your thigh trembled. you chose to play the teasing game and it was eating you alive. you are aching for the fullness, desperate to be fucked blissed out of your mind. you deserved his entire attention. “for someone who spend the entire marriage begging me to slow down, you surely look disappointed right now,” he teased, biting lightly on your pouting lips, “so desperate for me to fuck your little cunt huh?” you rolled your eyes.

“ayato, your little lessons bore me, are you gonna keep teasing me or are you going to fuck me?”

he was taken aback by your brashness, a small proud smile etched on the corner of his lips. “keep running your mouth like that, i’ll keep you high and dry, my lady,” he warned playfully, jolting his hip upward like a tease with his grip on your jaws left it aching. you obeyed his silent request, cunt pulsing excitedly as he spitted in you, patting your cheek proudly like an obedient dog when you swallowed. he took his sweet time teasing you that you didn’t realise you had him whole all along. you could feel his pelvic against your bundle of nerve, a little wiggle was enough to make your body tingled. “there we go, you need to be a little patient. we do have all night you know?” his hands roamed lower, excited to see the familiar bulge in your tummy where his cock sat. you continued to rock your hips, hands against his chest, grinding against his bone. his hands against the hips helped, occasionally landing a playful hit against the fleshy side. the fullness you crave was aching, you wanted to move.

“please can i move?”

he grinned, rubbing your thighs, “always so eager to please, of course you can,” he leaned forward, warm breath brushing your ear, “but you’ll cum when i say you can.”

he always need some control—as if looking down on you with both hands against the back of his head, leering on your body wasn’t enough. your fingers dug deep against his abs as you moved your hips. as long as you are moving, you were in control. ah the false control you knew but chose to ignore. it felt so lewd to look at him as you selfishly chase for your high, milking him of his own. his tongue licking his lips hungrily as his gaze glued to your bouncing tits. every time you whined and lids moved to close, he clicked his tongue. your cheeks grew warmer.

“keep your eyes on me, y/n-chan.”

your lips trembled, choking on your words only managed to let out a chortled whine. you forced your gaze on him, earning yourself a pretty proud smile. he was red all over, beads of sweat coated his skin and lips apart with every deep thrust you could hear his own whine. his hand moved to brace himself against the headboard, knuckles whiter than the sheet. your body pressed against each other as his lips found its way back to your tits. swirling around the bud, lapping and grazing his fangs against it eliciting more of the sweet, sweet nectar. his fingers dug deep against your back deeper as you lower down as if to push himself deeper, leaving crescent marks and bruising your cervix. he pant, switching from one breast to another. you ran your hand through his luscious lock, eyes crossed path again. knowing all the signs, you pushed his head back, pinning him against the board by the shoulder.

“nu’uh, you’ll cum when i tell you to.”

his laughter echoed the room, “we don’t play that game here.”

you squinted your eyes, shaking your head, “no, we play it fair and square and you are about to cum.”

“so? you think one cum will get me done, baby, i can go all fucking night. i’ll get the second right back in you.” his threats send shivers down your spine but you weren’t about to bow down. he married for your stubbornness, he paid the price. despite the banter, your hips continued to move, pooling more of your mixed arousal down to his thighs. you could feel his body tensing underneath you, your tightened walls started to feel a little too much for his cock. you were doing him a favour by pulling out the moment he could taste the release. the red angry tip now resting against your belly outside. you tried to shove his disappointment down with a kiss, unable to hide your little smile against his lips.

oh, he will play your game.

you thought he thought he won with his hand against your head pushing against the bed with your ass propped up. your giggles didn’t last long the moment he slipped inside you so easily. his pounding were merciless. you bit your tongue, hissing into the bed as he continued to land more spanking against your cheeks until it was sore. you didn’t dare to speak, knowing this is all on you, the one who started it. the stinging pain and his cock rearranging your inside intertwined in such a pleasureful way; all you could muster out of your throat was his name in repeat. like a prayer, like a beggar begging for more. “you could’ve say that you want me to fuck you like a whore, i would’ve bend you over from the start,” his fingers weaved along your hairs yanking your head upward, “since when is my sweet little wife is a big fucking tease?”

you were little fucked in head, he made you like this. you love the time he would make love to you, but a little fucking is nothing compared to that. you craved his harshness.

“does it hurt baby?” he cooed, mocking your weak whimpers with each words emphasized by his cock hitting your sweet spot, “want me to stop? just say the word.”

you shook your head, “h-harder,” you mewled, gripping on the sheet. the hell you’re giving up this opportunity. the different position was a bliss, you could feel his cock against your gummy walls raking, every thrust up to your throat knocking breath out of your lung. every time he pushed your lower back, he hit different little sweet spot you didn’t even know you like. your squeals and curses were his praises. his hand made his home against your throat, pulling you up against his chest. your muffled moans echoed louder around the room as his lips latched against your neck, the other found your throbbing clit. “f-fuck fuck, m’gonna cum,” you cried, clawing on his wrist. he disapprovingly hummed, biting harder against your skin until iron overwhelmed his taste buds. “you can hold it, that’s least you could do after denying mine,” he locked your neck, moving on to where your pulse pounded heavily, lapping the skin above it hungrily.

you were drunk in pleasure, seeing stars in your eyes as his pace grew faster. he didn’t even stop when you were squirting, dripping down the thighs, the resistance made it more fun for him to fuck through. thanks to his hand around your throat, you would’ve slammed your face down. he constantly reminded you that you asked for it, that you can take it. his thumb circled harder against your clit, enjoying the pulsating walls around his cock. you fought to close your thighs together, overwhelmed by the pleasure. your trembling thighs were just a warning that you were closing to the limit. yanking your head backward, he kissed you ferociously. “s’close, does my lady want cum on my cock?” he cooed, happy to see your little nods with tears down your face. you looked so pretty when you cry, but he had to do it. with a pouty lips and a weak apology, you gagged on his heavy fingers on your tongue. he wasn’t planning to wake everyone up this late.

you liked it anyway, he could feel you sucking on the digits.

he focused on his thrusts and palming on your leaking chest. rolling on your hardened buds with his two fingers, you trashed weakly against his arms. he hushed you, reassured you that he would take care of everything. you were getting sore, from his unfaltering thrusts and his skin slapping against your sore ass. your teeth clamping against his fingers didn’t hurt at all, he was high on pleasure and adrenaline. “that’s it, give me all that, lemme see you cum on my cock,” he kissed the back of your ear, another one of your weak spot. your fingers dug into his arms, the knot in your belly tensing and threatening to snap any seconds. you got all blurry, seeing stars; probably tasting some as you rest you head back against his. your words were incoherent slurs of pleas when his free hand moved back to your clit. it didn’t take any longer for your second orgasm to finally hit you like a wave. your head spun in pleasure. he showered you with praise, slapping lightly against your aching cunt. your body jolted, the oversensitiveness from the second orgasm you had for months after giving birth was catching up on you.

ayato wasn’t unfazed, fucking through your orgasm, ignoring your weak whimpers to chase his own high. the pain of your teeth against his skin was apart of his high, listening to his words and whines mixing making more nonsensical noise which was ignored, thrusting desperately into your oversensitive cunt. he was getting rougher and desperate as he rocked you and the bed underneath.

the walls hadn’t heard the loud sloppy sound of his cock jackhammering your cunt in a long time and he couldn’t hold his loud mouth as he felt it coming. the high he was denied was so close he could feel it at the tip of his tongue. a couple more thrusts and he unloaded himself in you, painting the inside full of his cum. he groused and tensed, his own body shaking in pleasure. he was more surprised that he could last longer than you, hips still moving slowly halting into a stop when he was sure he had filled you up of his entirety. filling you up full of his cum was the highlight of his day, something he could never get tired off. maybe this one will stick again, he smiled against your skin. your jaw ached as his fingers left you, replacing with the softest kiss he could muster at the moment. “are you okay?” he asked, brushing away beads of sweat on your forehead, kissing it lightly. you nodded weakly and he spend a few seconds assessing you, laying you down on the cleaner side of the bed. the room was quieter other than the sound of two lovers trying to catch their breath.

he didn’t understand where did the insecurity came from nor did he care but if reassurance was all you need, he would shower it as you needed. he kissed every inch of your skin until all was on your face was a smile. exhaustion left as you found yourself trapped with your legs apart and he was ready to take you again for a second round. holding the base, he scooped the leaking cum. he berated you for being wasteful. you heard it again, those three little words as he buried his face in the crook of your neck. his entrance was a little more smoother and you rolled your eyes in pleasure as he filled you up once more. you asked the same question again. he laughed, kissing your cheeks as he looked down into your glossy, lustful eyes. you couldn’t really focus, not that it mattered if you were listening or not. his words were like a promise; sealed by every thrust against your cervix.

“if i have to fuck you for the whole night just to prove that there’s no one in this world that could replace my scheming little wife, i would. in a heartbeat, in every single universe, the whole tevyat will know who’s name you’ll be screaming. you belong to me.”

© all content belongs to noritoshiikamo. do not modify or repost.

[loudblonde]

Simon "Ghost" Riley x Male!Reader Mafia AU (Chapter 15)

SummarySimon and (Y/N) get close before getting some unfortunate news

Warnings: Oral sex, mentioning of boundaries and people not respecting boundaries.

Author note:

Heyoooooo, it has been a while, things have honestly been mundane here, I just started school and bought Baldurs gate 3 which I have already gotten almost 400 hours in it since august, so sorry for not really posting but I kinda forgot midst school and gaming. I was stuck on where to take this story for a good few weeks, again so sorry. I cant in any way promise consistancy but I will try and post more often.

Thank you so much to the folk who were concerned and all your kind comments that you have left, it truly truly makes my day so much better whenever I read any comment you post.

Word count 1.9K

Ghost awoke feeling the spot in bed cold. He sighed, this was by far a too-common occurrence over these last 4 days, they would be leaving soon. (Y/N) would have Simon fully at his mercy again. Ghost knew he had to fight against it, and so did Simon, yet neither of him wanted to, no matter how much Ghost screamed and yelled that (Y/N) Price was nothing more than a slippery snake with venom-coated fangs, neither Simon nor Ghost was particularly eager to displease this new owner. 

John Price himself had been strict but Simon always knew there was some part of him that regretted what had happened that night, it didn’t take a fool to see just how much he was being shown that he really shouldn’t be shown or seen, even for the bodyguard of John Price. 

Simon opened his eyes as (Y/N) entered the bedroom, he sat up slightly, propped up on only his arms, his back ached from this position, but he wasn’t going to sit up further. “Did we get the go-ahead?” Simon asked, his voice deep and groggy, betraying any calmness he may have hoped to not show. 

(Y/N) slipped into bed, Simon found himself lying down with his head on (Y/N)’s chest, he was far too comfortable in this position, far too exposed but that didn’t matter, this was… well he couldn’t call it safe, but it was nice. 

“Hmm, we leave in the morning, I said goodbye to Arthur, he leaves on a small trip towards the store to stock up on bulk buys. He won’t be there in the morning.” (Y/N) said with a slight sigh. 

“You sound almost sad at that, love,” Simon said.

“He is an old friend. He is my Soap.” (Y/N) said and Simon fully understood that, a bond he couldn’t explain to no other. Not romantic despite desperately trying it. He hoped (Y/N) wouldn’t be another Soap. “I am happy to see him and sad to leave, but we both know we won’t see each other much if at all after this.” (Y/N) said, disappointed. “Maybe at the opposite ends of a gun.” 

“You think he will kill you?” Ghost asked. 

“If he gets paid a lot, maybe, I won’t fault him for that. It’s the business.” (Y/N) said with a slight shrug. He absentmindedly ran a hand through Simon’s hair. “Your hair is getting long, I like it.” 

Simon leaned into his touch, slowly getting lulled to sleep by it. When he awoke again, (Y/N) was sleeping as well. Simon closed his eyes and felt sleep embrace him for a few moments before (Y/N) woke him up.  

Getting back onto the road meant one thing, medical attention. (Y/N) took over as driver and drove up towards northern Europe, (Y/N) took backroads and at times they slept in the car or in shitty cheap cash-only hotels, whatever the route was, they were not hurrying for time. It was almost a week later of this, when they finally arrived in their Swedish cabin, having almost completely blown past Denmark on the way up, only stopping a few moments for his wrist to be checked and taken care of. Simon looked to where (Y/N) was making a fire and yearned for them to get away from this life of running, but they were finally here, fully just alone and for once, without anything or anyone to worry about, a mutually distant place in a mutually distant country. 

The cabin was small and comfortable, though without running water or electronics, they had a generator for their phones and a small camping stow, all they would ever need. Simon laid his head down on the pillow of the queen-sized bed, it was tugged in the corner of the small cabin, only one room, perfect for laying low. 

(Y/N) glanced at him and smiled. Simon sat up as the other walked over, his arms found a way around his waist as he pulled him in. Simon kissed his stomach before looking up at him. “You haven't pushed yourself onto me,” Simon said softly. 

“Why would I?” (Y/N) asked. “You are a person, no one deserves that and if I must cum, well I have a perfectly fine hand that can get me off.” 

Simon chuckled at that, a small smile on his face. “You are making me more confident by the hour, that's a dangerous thing.” 

This time it was (Y/N)’s turn to chuckle. He placed his arms around Simon’s shoulders. “Yeah?” 

“Mhm, once I realise I am a handsome bastard then there is no stopping me,” Simon said. 

“Well, that just means that my Simon will be the fiercest and most dangerous man around.” (Y/N) leaned down and kissed him passionately.

Simon groaned against the kiss. “You want me to be that? To be confident and not just another thing like that König you fucked?” He asked before standing up, his arms still wrapped firmly around (Y/N). 

“Aye, I do. I love a man who knows what he wants and who isn’t afraid to either ask for it or take it.” (Y/N) said with a smirk. 

“My hand is still busted,” Simon said before backing (Y/N) up against the wall, (Y/N)’s back hit it roughly before their lips met. 

(Y/N) groaned lightly but returned the kiss, he didn’t fight this display of confidence that Simon was showing, despite (Y/N) being a power top, this confidence was very attractive and very different from what he had seen so far from Simon. 

Their kiss lasted a while as they let hands roam and map each other's bodies, both seeking comfort in the movements. 

(Y/N) pulled away and bit his lip before looking at Simon. “How far?” 

Simon hesitated before walking over and sitting on the bed, he spread his legs. “I don’t feel comfortable with penetration….” 

(Y/N) walked over and hummed. “Oral?” He knelt down, gently rubbing Simon’s legs. “You on the receiving end.” 

“If I say stop at any point, will you stop?” The confidence washed away to vulnerability. 

(Y/N)’s smile softened. “Of course, Si, if you ever get uncomfortable, even with kissing, tell me and I will stop. Even just holding your hand or touching you in any manner.” 

Simon smiled at that and nodded. “Okay, let's try.” 

(Y/N) reached up and cupped his cheeks before kissing him, his eyes fluttering close as he felt Simon respond to the kiss. He felt him kiss back, their lips parting easily, (Y/N)’s tongue explored Simon’s mouth, Simon didn’t fight against it, his trust in (Y/N) was unwavering. 

(Y/N) pulled away only to kiss down Simon’s neck, leaving behind faint hickeys. They pulled apart for just long enough to discard the shirt and remove the belt. (Y/N) looked up at Simon as he palmed his growing erection, there were no signs of hesitance so far. “You are doing so well for me.” (Y/N) praised, his head tilting slightly before he undid the pants button. With some combined effort they managed to pull the pants and underwear down to Simon’s ankles. (Y/N) situated himself better before grabbing some lube from the bag next to the bed. He coated his hand before giving Simon’s cock a few strokes, getting it erect.

(Y/N) wasted no time before wrapping his lips around the head, he hollowed his cheeks out before slowly going all the way down, his tongue working expertly to hit all the right spots. Simon felt the wet warmth of (Y/N)’s mouth and moaned, his body was growing hotter by the second.

(Y/N) didn’t hold back, he bottomed out expertly, his nose hit Simon’s pubes, causing Simon to moan even louder, he was suddenly glad they were miles away from anyone or anything. 

As (Y/N) moved up and down his tongue massaged every pleasurable part. He removed a hand from Simon’s thigh to fondle his balls, causing Simon to moan even louder. 

Simon was in the clouds, no one had ever just focused on his pleasure, he placed a hand in (Y/N)’s hair, though he didn’t push down in any manner, the pleasure was too good, he was lost, no matter what he wanted to say it never came out. 

Simon felt a familiar knot form in his stomach. He moaned even louder as he struggled to find his words to warn (Y/N).

(Y/N) saw him and hummed in satisfaction, ignoring his own throbbing cock. Simon groaned at that, causing (Y/N) to feel pride in his own ability to please Simon. 

Simon didn’t hold out much longer, the vibrations, the warmth and the way (Y/N)’s tongue moved was pure bliss, he tapped (Y/N)’s head moments before he came. Simon’s salty hot cum sprayed down (Y/N)’s throat, which (Y/N) drank down without a problem. He pulled away and kissed Simon. “You did so well, I am so proud of you.” 

Simon barely registered the words, he was still riding the high from cumming. “You are amazing.” He chuckled cum drunk. 

(Y/N) chuckled and stood up, he helped Simon get dressed again before laying down with him. “Are you feeling less stressed?” 

Simon nodded. “Yes, thank you and thank you for not doing anything I didn’t want.” 

“Si, I would never, I may be an assassin, but I am not a monster.” (Y/N) said.

Simon chuckled and leaned his forehead against his. “You are painfully hard against my thigh, may I?” Simon asked. 

(Y/N) hummed. “Sure, if you want.” 

“I would love nothing more~,” Simon said.

—

The first few days of the cabin were quiet, almost exactly like their initial cabin but this time more intimate, neither man initiated anything sexual beyond those initial blow jobs, they were content with each other's company, and they needed nothing more. At least not for now. They had each other. 

(Y/N) awoke to find his phone blaring the British national anthem. He rolled over, ignoring the way Simon groaned before picking up the phone. He hummed as sleep still had a hold on him. “(Y/N).” 

‘Hey boy, we have this mess cleared up faster than we intended.’ His father's voice would normally have been a welcomed tone, yet it was like ice filled his veins. ‘Are you able to fly home as soon as possible?’ 

His mouth felt impossibly dry. “Yeah, no yeah, that’s good, I will see about booking some tickets home, we shouldn’t have any problems.” He said. 

‘Good, we need to get you up to speed on everything.” Price said before hanging up, undoubtedly very busy despite it being ass o’clock in the morning. Simon wrapped his arms around (Y/N). “Hey?” 

“We have to go home.” 

“Oh.” 

(Y/N) laid down and wrapped his arms around Simon. “I don’t know the situation or how open we can be.” (Y/N) said before placing a hand on Simon’s cheek, his thumb brushed across the scars. 

“No matter what happens, my loyalty is to you,” Simon said, fully just closing his eyes. He had thought there was no other choice but Price, that he wasn’t worthy of living unless he served Price and attempted to work off his debt, yet (Y/N) had branded Simon as his own with the necklace and had shown him more kindness then he had ever experienced before, no matter how much Simon knew that in the end he was simply being used, he was still going to worship the ground (Y/N) walked on, he would burn the world for (Y/N) if asked, fully loyal like a dog to its master. 

(Y/N) smiled at that, he kissed Simon’s forehead. “And I will do anything in my power to protect you, Si. I won’t let my father hurt you.” 

“I love you too,” Simon said softly. 

“Now, let's get some breakfast and catch a plane.” (Y/N) chuckled. “We can handle whatever England throws at us, no matter what, we have survived everything so far, eh?”

Simon chuckled. “Yes, yes we can.” 

Tag list

@rasberry-jupiter

@one-green-frog

[allys-corner]

Synopsis: Bucky accidentally hurts you and feels really guilty about it.

Bucky’s arm was freezing cold. Usually, he kept to your left side, therefore, avoiding you having to be near his metal arm (the insecure idiot), but tonight was different. Bucky had been messing with his arm all day. Tony had just done some repairs on it yesterday and it tended to be sore for a couple days after. So, as you guys sat down to watch a movie, you took the left side of the couch. Bucky threw a quick sceptic look your way before throwing himself on your side of the couch.

It was Bucky’s turn to pick the movie and he threw on some new sci-fi. Honestly, you didn’t think you or Bucky were going to last the whole movie. You’d both been throwing in extra hours at work this week and it was finally time for some rest. You knew Buck’s arm was extra painful when it was cold, so you took it upon yourself to warm the arm. Which brings us to the iceberg in the room which was your boyfriend’s arm. Given that your pjs consisted of a tank top and some sweats meant direct contact with the metal, but love meant sacrifices and by golly you were going to help in any way you could. Warming up Bucky’s arm was the price you paid for getting to wake up to this amazing guy every day.

Bucky really had walked into your life when you needed him the most and he had never let you down since. He had been there when your mom got sick and when you lost your dog. He was even there when you went through your DIY décor phase. You don’t know what you’d do without this man. That’s why you hated the way that he viewed himself. You know that he still thinks of himself as undeserving because of all of the things he has done, but he has been working through it with a new therapist that Bruce recommended. This is why you leaning up against his left side didn’t make Bucky flinch the way it used to.

A half hour passes, and Buck’s arm feels nice and warmed up. Now that your task was out of the way, you could finally focus on snuggling into your boyfriend. This is when the exhaustion from the day finally hits. You had been running on fumes and your body was ready to drop at any second. Plus, it didn’t help that it was so comfortable in this pocket of space between Bucky and the pillows. The drone of blasts from the tv begin to fade to white noise.

You couldn’t contain the small yelp you gave out. Bucky was instantly out of his seat looking around before examining you.

“Are you okay?” Buck askes and he grabs your arm and scans it. It’s then that he spots a medium sized welp on your bicep. Now, don’t ever let it be said that Bucky Barnes is stupid because that boy picks up on things pretty quickly. He instantly lets go with his metal hand and backs up a bit.

“Baby, it’s fine. It’s not a big deal. I think the arm just shocked me.” You were trying to be soothing, but damn that had really hurt. Buck knows that look on your face and you see his walls come up quick. It’s been a while since you’ve seen those.

“I’m going to go get the first aid kit,” and before you could get a word in, he was stomping off to the bathroom. While he’s gone you take a moment to examine your right arm. The mark doesn’t look to bad, but it might leave a small bruise. You heave a small sigh. Bucky is going to be fretting over this one for a bit. The hard part was comforting him as Bucky had been trained on avoidance for years. If he didn’t want to deal with something, he knew the best ways to sneak away and hide. The only reason you didn’t chase after him to the bathroom was the sole fact that you knew Bucky would make sure you were taken care of before retreating. That was the best time to strike.

You hear a door hinge creak as Bucky emerges with the kit. He makes his way to the coffee table and sits, all the while, avoiding eye contact with you. As Buck places the opened box on the table, you softly grab his chin.

“Babe, you know you can’t control accidents, right?” you speak tenderly as you turn his face to look at you. He reluctantly locks eyes with you before he bursts with frustration.

“I know I can’t, but this is why I try to keep the arm as far away from you as possible! I can’t stand the thought of you getting hurt because of me or this stupid thing!” Buck retreats back to the medicine to try to calm himself. Bucky hated screaming in general, but especially at you. He didn’t want a relationship like so many he’d seen before. You fearing him more than loving him.

Before he could retreat too far, you unconsciously snag him by his metal wrist. Bucky tries to pull back, but you won’t let him.

“Buck, loving you means loving every part of you. I want to be there at your lowest so I can help pull you up. I know you would do the same for me without hesitation, so why is it different when it’s about you?”

“Because I’ve killed people! With both my hands, but especially my left. The first arm they took off me had dents on it from people trying to beat me off them, and stains from when the Winter Soldier got tired of that. I’m not meant to be coddled and comforted. That’s not what I deserve, and I’ve accepted it, so why can’t you?”

You are shocked to say the least. Not only that Buck feels that terrible, but also that you hadn’t noticed. You wanted to be there to help Bucky in any way you could, but you had been letting him down. It was time to do better.

You pull the metal palm to your lips and gently kiss the cool surface. Then you begin to travel upwards, leaving a trail of kisses behind as you went.

“I don’t see any dents,” you place a kiss on the inside of his elbow, “or stains,” and another two on his bicep. This is as far as you get before Buck rips his arm away.

“What the hell are you doing? Of course, there’s no dents or stains on this one, it’s new.”

“Exactly like you. Just because you used to be dented and stained doesn’t mean you haven’t become something newer and better. I judge you from how you treat me right now, Bucky Barnes, not how you would have treated me 30 years ago.”

Bucky pauses for a minute before looking up at you. The look he gave you was like someone had given him something he had been missing for a long time: hope. That he could be the man that he wanted to be despite his past. It would still take years for Buck to start accepting himself, but you made sure you were there for him every step of the way.

-Hope you liked it :) Feedback is greatly appreciated-

[mathsbian]

You know what I was thinking about last night?

In the US, we pay into various accounts that are set up by the government to help us out later if/when we need it. These include unemployment insurance (UI), social security retirement benefits, and social security disability benefits (SSDI). These accounts are directly connected to how long you have worked and the amount of money you were paid, and are only for you to access.

We also pay into programs that are for anyone who needs them, no work required to get assistance. These include social welfare programs like SNAP (food stamps) and TANF (cash assistance for families with children so they can buy clothes for their kids and stuff that isn’t covered by SNAP) and SSI, which is another kind of disability insurance but is specifically for poor disabled people who are possibly still working but can’t afford their cost-of-living expenses which are higher than the average person thanks to their disability.

If you want to get money from SNAP or TANF, you have to prove that you need it. The government will be checking if you have a job and how much you get paid, they’ll look at your bank accounts to see how much money you have on hand, you send them copies of bill statements to prove your expenses eat up most or all of your income. Since SSI is a similar program, I can understand why there’s hoops to jump through to get money from that program.

However, if you want money from your UI account or your social security retirement account, you pretty much just have to tell the government you’re in the group that account is for now. For UI, you have to show you’re still looking for new work (at least in my state) but it’s a very lax requirement compared to the requirements for SNAP/TANF. I’m not entirely sure how one goes about collecting their retirement benefits but I assume it involves a similar process of filing with the government that you’ve retired instead of being between jobs, and they’re only check that that admission from you is true.

SSDI, though? You pay into that account your entire career. But then if you suddenly need the money, you have to go through a ridiculously complicated and drawn out process to be approved. UI approval takes a week at most in my state. I assume retirement benefits get approved in under a year at the very most. But getting approved for SSDI when you don’t have one of the limited diagnoses that automatically qualify you (and not even just a diagnosis in the list, a diagnosis with the right stipulations such as mental health conditions having to be present for over two years without much documented improvement despite consistent treatment)? That can take up to TWO YEARS because they can just deny you over and over again and force you to appeal the decision as many as like 5 times, and each appeal has a 6 month waiting period. And on top of that, once you stop working, the account starts counting down to self-destruction. You only have so much time before you lose access to the money entirely. If I am not found disabled on this application (I’m halfway through all the possible appeals), I will not be able to get my SSDI money AT ALL.

It’s fucking bullshit. I paid into that account so I would have money set aside for if I became disabled. I don’t have to prove I need the unemployment money, which I’m no longer qualified to receive, they’ll basically give it to me no questions asked. But when I’m disabled and barely scraping by for years I keep getting told that “actually from our review of your case it seems like you totally can have a desk job, go fuck yourself” despite me constantly including the detail that I cannot sit upright at a desk for more than an hour without needing to lie down completely flat for two hours immediately after. It’s MY MONEY. They’re not saving it for someone else, they’re going to just eat it if I don’t get it, why can’t they just GIVE IT TO ME???

[xoxiu]

first love of late spring - ot7 x reader

chapter five table of contents masterlist join the taglist discord

summary: falling, falling, falling- that's what you shouldn't be doing as a young intern at hybe. falling in love with your supervisor is frowned upon, especially all seven of them. you'll never learn, will you? guess you’ll just have to be their dark secret.

tags/warnings: intern!reader, poly relationships, stockholm syndrome, age regression, spanking, drug use, sugar daddy au, dubcon, body dysmorphia

taglist: @frieschan

"Thank you for joining me, y/n."

You looked up from your tea, giving Jungkook a soft smile. The two of you grew very close recently, often going on little dates to the various small restaurants around Seoul. This one, in particular, was your favorite- it was all cute and pink and had amazing decorations to take photos with. Jimin had introduced you to the small cafe, as it was a favorite of his. 

Sometimes the other members would join the two of you for lunch, but Jungkook was always there. Every Tuesday at 13:00, you'd get a text from him telling you to meet him outside. He would wait for you no matter the weather, and greet you with a small and a side hug. You would never admit it, but you found the way he treated you attractive. How consistent it was, how he would even be slightly dressed up, how he always listened deeply to you and actively engaged in conversations- it was everything you needed. 

Jungkook was a gentleman. 

"I think this should be the last snow of the season," Jungkook remarked as the two of you exited the building. "Spring is coming soon- it's almost April." 

"I hope so," you said, staring up at the snow gracefully falling towards the earth. A small flake landed on the tip of your nose. "I love spring. It feels like new beginnings."

Jungkook's hand brushed yours, and you moved your hand away out of instinct. You looked down at his hand, and then up at his face. He blushed from the bitter cold before meeting your eyes. This time, he grabbed your hand with purpose and continued the walk back as if nothing happened. 

"Jungkook," you quietly protested, but never let go of his hand. "Someone could see."

"Let them."

You kept looking around to see if someone was watching, but everyone around you kept moving along with their day. No one paid the two of you any mind. You looked down at your feet and blushed. 

The comeback was only a week away. Every day felt painfully long and busy, yet time always seemed to fly by. There just weren't enough hours in the day to do everything that you wanted. You sat in the lounge alone, now lovingly dubbed your 'office' by your coworkers because you were the only one to ever be there. They all knew you would be in there, so coworkers were always in and out asking you questions. Of course, you would always answer them and have a quick chat with a smile, but once they left your demeanor would switch. Working a more corporate-type job always left you wondering why some conversations couldn't have just been an email. Human interaction wasn't always necessary. 

The schedule for today had been posted. By 11:00 you needed to upload the teaser music video for BTS' new single from the album. You thanked whoever created the queue feature for most social media sites, allowing you to automatically post something right on time with ease. Having to have all social posts on different sites go up at the same time without it was stressful. 

After queuing everything up to post, you leaned back on the couch, closing your eyes for a moment to just breathe. Your eyes soon grew heavy as you went in and out of consciousness. Namjoon looked down at his phone. He grew more and more concerned and worried as you continued to miss his calls. After the fifth attempt, he began walking to the lounge he knew you were in. 

He could see you through the window as he walked up to the door. You were curled up on the couch in the fetal position. Namjoon could tell you were out cold- completely dead to the world. He quietly opened the door, tiptoeing his way over to you. 

Gently, he shook your shoulder to try to wake you. You groaned in protest before suddenly realizing you fell asleep. Your eyes snapped open and you shot up from the couch. 

"Good morning, sleepyhead."

"Oh my god, what time is it?" You asked, shaking your computer mouse to wake your laptop. The screen lit up with notifications of missed meetings and the current time- 13:32. 

You had missed lunch with Jungkook. 

"Woah, calm down," Namjoon sat down next to you, putting a reassuring arm over your shoulder. You tensed up but eventually relaxed into it. You just needed the grounding the new weight on your shoulders gave you. 

"It's fine. You've done enough work today," Namjoon kept trying to calm you down, your heartbeat slowly going back to normal along with your breaths. 

"I had a meeting with Jungkook at-"

"I know, I know. He's busy with dance practice right now." Namjoon removed his arm and stood up. "I think you should go home and rest. You did well. I'll walk you home."

Namjoon had such a calming presence, you thought to yourself. It was in the tone he spoke in as well as his words. He was much older and wiser than you, and out of anyone you took his advice to heart. While he looked intimidating on the outside, he had the purest heart and wisest soul.

"You work too hard," Namjoon stated as the two of you walked through the building. "With the comeback and all, I think we all need a good rest once it's all done."

"You're one to talk," you said, lightly elbowing Namjoon in the side. "I think you guys are overworked. Once the album comes out, my workload lightens. You seven still have performances, concerts, and a world tour after."

Namjoon chuckled at your statement. He knew it was hard and stressful, especially with the tour coming up in May, but it was nothing they hadn't done before. You, on the other hand, were completely new to this. While school taught you social media marketing, they never taught you just how stressful it would be managing the social media accounts for the most famous idol group in the world. Nothing could have prepared you for this. 

The weather finally seemed to liven up the past few days. The air was no longer bitter cold, snow no longer littered the ground, and you could see the sprouts of future flowers. It smelt fresh outside, and you just felt an overwhelming sense of joy from the changing of the seasons. 

You lead Namjoon down to your basement studio apartment. From the look on his face, he was rather shocked at just how tiny the space was. There was just enough room for the two of you to comfortably stand in the kitchen together. 

"Thank you for walking me home, Joon." You smiled at him as you sat down on your sofa bed. The older man just continued to look around at your barren apartment. 

"You know, you can stay at my place anytime you'd like," he offered, doing a double take when he spotted the molding kitchen counters. "I'm rarely there, and it has a beautiful view of the Han River."

"Oh, thank you," you said and politely declined his offer. You don't know what you would have done with a huge apartment, and you felt like staying in his apartment would just be too kind of him. You had a place to sleep and live, and you were happy. 

"Or just come visit the dorm again- you're always welcome there."

Many nights now you had crashed on their couch, usually after a long night of gaming and drinking. Occasionally you would do something work-related, like film videos or discuss future posting schedules. One time, you had to sit in on a livestream alone to make sure everything went smoothly. You usually had a partner with you, but the late-night, post-show live was a spur-of-the-moment decision. 

Namjoon ruffled your hair before leaving. You smiled at the door after his exit. 

You had been working at HYBE for about six months now. In six months, you managed not to be fired, get a promotion, and make seven amazing friends. How lucky could you be? Namjoon was like a smart and kind older brother. Seokjin and Hoseok were so, so silly yet somehow maintained a level of strictness and authority. You could always rely on Yoongi to give you unbiased opinions as well as just someone to listen to your problems without judgment. Taehyung and Jimin always managed to get you out of your shell whether you liked it or not. And Jungkook, he especially made you feel wanted. 

Jungkook. Whenever you thought of him, something inside you fluttered. He had always quite literally looked at you differently than the others. His eyes never seemed to leave you, and whenever your eyes would meet you'd have to look away with a blush. He knew what he wanted from you, and you think you know as well. 

You all were just friends, of course, but you couldn't help but think deeply about their actions. What exactly were their intentions? You closed your eyes with a sigh. In your mind, you pictured them. Their eyes, mouths, hands. You became intimate with them over the months, kilometers more than what an employee relationship should be. It wasn't your fault you thought so deeply about their every move, wondering if there could be something more. 

A college friend of yours from America had multiple boyfriends while in school, and they were all aware of each other. It was abnormal, but everyone seemed happy and fulfilled in the relationship. Polyamory, she had called it. You couldn't help but picture yourself in her position- seven boyfriends who all loved and cared for you. No matter what you looked like, or what you did, they just wanted you for you.

You wanted to feel wanted.

You wanted their wandering touches, their reassurances, their love. You craved it. Never once had a man looked at you with desire and love, making you feel less than the other girls who had perfect bodies, perfect personalities, and perfect men. Just once, you wanted to feel what unconditional love meant. 

A tear slowly rolled down the side of your face. In your heart and mind, you knew they didn't think of you like that. You were just a staff member to them, a friend at most. 

[diolanza]

@melodysian liked for a starter!

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Cupid whooped from their spot on the edge of Pizi's turntables and hopped down to the stage. The small crowd consisting of their crew and a few others cheered as the bass began blasting through the speakers. The sun had just started going down and the lights on the small stage were a beacon for the rest of the island. Come to town square for a party! Cupid hadn't exactly asked to have a raeve, but they'd paid for everything themselves, even the speakers. They were paying the local barkeep by the hour and Crescendo had even offered to help him. Whoever was in charge of the island might not be too happy, but plenty of its citizens were in the crowd with glow sticks in their hands.

As the song came to the end, Cupid finished the dance they'd been doing and blew a kiss out to the crowd. A few people squealed with joy, clamoring to get closer to the stage to get a better look at the captain. Cupid giggled, waving to the front row with a wide smile. They were waiting for the applause to die down before they spotted something interesting moving just outside edge of town square. Half red, half white hair in a very particular style, an iconic style. Their outfit looked familiar as well, a fashion style that was just as famous as the peppermint hair. No way in hell.

Cupid motioned to Azita, asking the cook to come on stage. She looked confused, quirking an eyebrow as she switched with her captain. Cupid waved their hand, indicating that they just needed a small break. They weren't about to call that person out in front of even a small crowd. She'd be swamped before too long and Cupid didn't want any weird creeps to approach her, even if she was probably used to it. And if Red Haired Shanks was truly her father, she was the last person Cupid wanted to piss off. While everyone was focused on Azita's hula hoop dance routine, Cupid slipped out of the back of the venue.

As soon as they were out, they ran full speed to where they were sure they'd seen the idol. They didn't want to take away from Pizi's first real concert, but having someone more famous at the party would make a name for the Cupid Pirates, especially the first mate. Cupid would be lying if they didn't want to meet her. They hurried to the building they'd seen her walk by, shimmied up the drain pipe, and climbed up to the roof. They darted to the other edge of the building just in time to spot Uta about to go behind an adjacent building.

 ❝ Pst! Hey, Miss Uta! ❞ They weren't sure calling to her from a roof was that great of an idea. They weren't exactly thinking clearly with the rush of party adrenaline still rushing through their veins, ❝ You wanna join our party? Y'don't have to sing or anything. I won't make ya' come or anything, but it's my best friends first concert as a DJ and they really admire you. ❞

It was bold to ask an idol to attend an event without payment, but they could at least try.