#i just wanna say how amazing and important that they had this lighter scene in this restaurant

[colourme-feral]

Love in the Big City IRL (2/??)

Love in the Big City: Young and Gyu Ho have lunch together after visiting the pharmacy, where Young buys 'anti-viral drugs for HIV"

IRL: Cabbages & Condoms, 6 10 Suk Chai Alley, Khwaeng Khlong Toei, Khlong Toei, Bangkok 10110, Thailand

The owner of the restaurant, Mechai Viravaidya, an economist, chose to open it to promote family planning and population polities through this restaurant, which aims to destigmatise condoms and promote their use. Believing that condoms should be as common as cabbages, he chose to use that for his restaurant's name. The restaurant is run as a non-profit and above the restaurant that is visited in LITBC, is an abortion clinic. There are some other Cabbages & Condoms restaurants around Thailand as well. (more info here)

It is important that Young's voiceover that takes place in this restaurant, about how Kylie has changed his life, takes place after he visits a pharmacy, where he buys 'anti-viral drugs for HIV' and has sex with Gyu Ho without a condom for the first and last time.

Credit

[darkficsyouneveraskedfor]

Wasted 12

Warnings: drug dealing/use, violence, noncon, and the usual. Proceed with caution.

Feedback is always welcome. Love you and thanks for the wonderful responses so far.♥♥♥

The other girl (snickerdoodle) in this one is from Black Light

Part of The Club AU

Steve walks you home. He’s such a gentleman. You’re not used to that and it still makes you a bit leery. Still, the night leaves you feeling lighter. It was fun and it should keep that dealer idiot off your back. Not to mention his end of the bargain; rent is square. 

You check your phone as you settle down on your lumpy mattress. Your happy Steve isn’t bold enough to want to come up. The apartment is barely worth what you pay for it. Small and shitty but it gets the job done. Only Snick has been up there and she’s not spiteful enough to judge anyone. You think she might like Steve. 

Well, they won’t ever meet. As much as you enjoyed the date, you can’t keep him strung along. You’ll let him down easy at least. He may have had a chance with that lumbering drug mule hanging around. 

You sigh. The first nice guy you’ve known and you won’t ever look at him without thinking of the nastiest piece of shit you’ve encountered. Besides, you’re you. You’re too rough around the edges for a guy like Steve. 

You can’t help but smile as you think of the picture he drew of you. He made you look much more beautiful than real life. Yep, it could never work. You would only disappoint him. 

You squint at your phone. You haven’t heard from Snick in days. You open up the chat and send yet another ‘hey, sup? Everything ok?’ Is she even seeing these? Maybe she came to her senses too. You’re just as mismatched. She’s young and bright-eyed and wonderful and you weathered and weary and bitter. 

You give it twenty minutes before you shut off the light. You’re exhausted. As you close your eyes, a flush heats your body. Without meaning to, you think of Steve and his soft lips. At first sight, you wouldn’t be so enamoured but something about him is special. You know you don’t deserve that. 

Sleep comes quickly. Dreams of the bus terminal and the restaurant and the flashing lights of the club intermingle in a distorted panoply of senseless scenes. You wake with the usual knot in your temple that can only be cured with coffee. 

You brew it in the dingy percolator as you scroll your phone. Snickerdoodle still hasn’t answered. You’re going to go check on her. If this is over, you would like to know. You’re not even mad, she deserves friends who aren’t trashy. 

And Steve deserves to know. You cringe at his good morning text. ‘I had a great time last night. Maybe we can do it again?’ 

How do you say it? You should do it in person but you’re not risking another run in with his buddy. You hate doing stuff like this; not turning men down, you’re a pro, no, you hate texting important shit. 

You tap the call button. Maybe it’s too early but you can’t type out what needs to be said. It’s not just for you, but for him. He would be hurt if he ever found out about Bucky. 

He picks up on the first ring, before you’re ready. Why didn’t you have your coffee first? You hold your forehead as he greets you with a boisterous, ‘good morning’. 

“Hey, Steve,” you counter evenly, “I just got your text. Last night was... really great.” 

“Yeah, it was,” he agrees in a smoky tone. 

“I just figured I’d do the courtesy of saying it to you, not texting it but uh, I don’t think this is going to work out. I have a lot going on right now and I’m not looking to date,” you push out the words as a stolid silence grows on the other end, “I’m sorry, Steve.” 

“B-but...” he croaks, “we had such a good time. We... we kissed.” 

“I know, and it was amazing, you’re a good kisser. The next girl is going to be so lucky but Steve...” you sit up and inhale, “I’m really not the type you wanna hang out with.” 

He sniffs and you hear him moving around, “it’s ‘cause of him.” 

“Who?” 

“Bucky. I’m not stupid. You know him somehow. You don’t like him.” 

You sigh, “yeah. I don’t and he’s your friend so I can’t.” 

He’s quiet again, “you two slept together. I don’t care” 

“Steve, it’s... not just that.” 

“It’s not fair,” he sneers. 

“Steve, I’m doing you a favour. Really. I sell bus tickets, I live in a fricking slum, I am saving us both a lot of disappointment,” you insist. “So, thank you for last night. That’s the best date I’ve ever had. Truly. I hope you find someone who can give you what you need.” 

“But you--” 

You hang up. It hurts more than you expect. Wow. 

You tap over to your chat with Snickerdoodle. You text again. Call. No answer. You’re starting to get really worried. 

You put the phone down and pour yourself a cup of coffee. It’s Sunday and you have the day off. You have to figure out what to do. If you stay here, you’ll only stew in your isolation. Maybe a walk. 

You finish your coffee as you pull out some clothes. A loose tank and denim shorts. Perfect for a day out in the city. Looks like it’s going to be sunny to. You finish your morning dose of caffeine and wash up. You’re not looking to draw attention, you don’t need any makeup. 

You grab your purse and head downstairs, stretching as you step out into the bright daylight. Maybe you’ll find your way through Snickerdoodle’s neighbourhood. It’s only three connections on the bus. You would know. 

Your name stops you short. You turn to the deep voice calling you. Steve marches down the sidewalk, scarily intense despite his stature. 

“Hey, can we talk?” He strides up and stops, only a step away.  

You’re too stunned to answer. You really didn’t expect this. How did he even get here so fast? 

“We talked, Steve,” you breathe at last. 

“You talked. I didn’t,” his blue eyes bore into you, “let me buy you a coffee. Let me make my case.” 

“Steve, please, let’s not make this messy--” 

“You led me on,” he accuses. 

“We had a nice date, alright?” You use your customer service tone to soothe him, “didn’t we? So let’s leave it at that.” 

“Why won’t you listen?” He hisses. 

“Steve, you’re not listening,” you shoot back. “You can do better than me..” 

“No, I can’t,” he snips, “and I don’t want to.” 

You push your lips together and nod, “I’m saying no. Alright? No.” You shake your head a look away, deflated, “I didn’t think you were like him, I thought you knew what that meant.” 

He says your name and you sidestep him, “wait,” he tries to grab your arm and you shrug him off, “I’m sorry, just give me another chance.” 

“Leave me alone,” your voice breaks crisply, “I don’t want to make a scene.” 

To your relief, he does. You hear his soles slap the pavement as he stops short and you strut off without looking back. You’re disappointed. Even if you never meant to see him again, you had some hope he wasn’t like other men.

Nope, they’re all the same. They never listen. 

[ghostbustermelanieking]

some thoughts on mag 200

i’ve been having trouble articulating this, but i wanted to get some thoughts down on mag 200, and the ending of tma as a whole, now that i’ve heard the finale twice and had some time to process it all. putting this under a cut in case people don’t wanna see it -- there’s gonna be a lot of praise here, but also some legit criticism. this is a way to sort through my feelings more than anything else.

first off, relistening to the finale, and sitting on it for a while, has made me feel a hell of a lot better about the whole thing. the episode comes off a lot better when you’re not vibrating with fear and anticipation, in my opinion. the final statement was very fitting and cool -- not my favorite ever, but i can appreciate it a lot as a final closing for the fears. and i don’t have an ear for soundscaping but the sound in that statement was cool as hell. the jonah magnus gets fucking murdered scene is incredibly satisfying. a lot of other people have said this, but i love that jon finally got his revenge, and was able to lash out against jonah for all the years of manipulation and beng used, and for tim and sasha and everything else. that was perfect. i genuinely thought we might not get a scene like this after 193 but i am so glad we did. incredibly satisfying. the girls made it out!! i am very glad that they’re ok and moving on and seem to be leaning on each other. (By God I Will Wring Found Family Out Of This Podcast If It Kills Me.) and the admiral’s okay. love that

and the jonmartin ending. oh my god. while i was never the biggest fan of the possibility of martin having to kill jon, the way it went down was so painful and good. i loved that final scene. i love the ambiguity -- that they might have died but maybe they didn’t, maybe they’re all right and happy and we can decide for ourselves -- i love that i got exactly what i wanted, that i get to have my cake and eat it too, all the angst of a jmart death and still the possibility of happiness... i am going buckwild. i love it. the longer i spend with this ending, the happier i am with it. i really really loved it

on another note... i do have some reservations about the finale and the season as a whole. i understand peoples’ irritations with the finale, and while i’m trying to focus on the things i did like, i definitely have some irritations. for one, i definitely wish the finale had been longer. i would’ve loved to see more of what wtgfs and basira were doing, and the actual lighting of the archives, etc. and while i completely understand why the scene at the panopticon went as quickly as it did -- it comes off very much as wild, frantic impulse in the heat of the moment where they’re in danger and trying to protect each other -- i do wish it had gone a little slower. 

in my mind, the biggest issue in season 5 ended up being pacing. and this might be a personal preference thing -- there’s a lot of things within the show that i don’t personally vibe with, but i don’t necessarily think they’re badly written. but i do think season 5 was slow. and while slow things can certainly work in a certain context (season 4 comes off wildly slow til you listen to 160), i wish more of what actually happened in season 5 had been baked into the end game. the season felt like it had a lot of filler, which drives me mildly crazy, because the end game feels rushed and i don’t think it NEEDED to be. i liked a lot of what season 5 did -- there’s some impeccable episodes, the character interactions are weirdly lighter and softer than they have been in previous seasons, and i wouldn’t trade a lot of the things that it’s given us (all the jonmartin interactions, jon and georgie briefly rebuilding their friendship, martin and melanie friendship, wtgfs scenes and intimacy, backstory, lore, etc) for anything. but i do think it could’ve been structured and paced a little differently. i also think it could’ve given some more screentime to the character stuff we got from episodes like 161, 170, 186, 190, 191, 192, 199... i absolutely love both martin centric monologue episodes, but i hate that we didn’t get anything like that for jon. (or for melanie or georgie or basira...) the best episodes of the season, imo, are the ones that broke from traditional form of domain statement domain, and the ones that focused in hard on backstory, lore, character introspection, character interaction... i wish we had more of this. 

when it comes to the jonmartin arc... i know this has been a point of contention with a lot of people, but i don’t hate it at all. maybe it’s just because i relistened to the majority of the season back in january, but a lot of the more grating moments that seemed large week to week (martin pressuring jon to smite people, the disagreements they had earlier in the season, jon using martin as bait in 176, etc etc) come off a lot more minor when you’re binging. personally, relistening to act i made those interactions come off as things they were struggling with through continued support and reassurance. there were absolutely things i wanted addressed, especially with the “kill bill arc” -- the disagreements early in the season, and how it seemed to turn on its head in the argument they have in 194. (i didn’t like martin blaming jon for the kill bill arc and i was hoping it would get brought up.) i also wanted to see a discussion of martin going with annabelle in 194 -- i wasn’t really ever mad at martin for doing it, but i did want to see them talk it out. 

but! after relistening to 200, i think i have a better handle on why that couldn’t have happened. martin goes behind jon’s back to go with annabelle and they don’t talk about it; jon goes behind martin’s back to sabotage the plan everyone agrees on in order to prevent the fears from spreading. if they’d had a big talk about trust, and working through martin going off with annabelle, and then jon turned around and did the same thing, more or less... it would’ve completely soured that discussion. jon and martin needed to be in a place of discourse for this ending to work. 

honestly, the more i’ve thought about this final JM arc, the better i feel about it. sure, jon and martin are in a bad place, and they’ve gone behind each other’s backs and been somewhat selfish, but i don’t think this ruins their relationship. for one, martin’s break in trust comes from a place of wanting to save jon and the world. and for another, jon genuinely feels he is doing the right thing, making a decision he can live with. (i have my own opinions as to how ethical jon’s decision was, but that’s another post. and i think the muddy ethics of this ending are on purpose -- it’s horror, a genre that often doesn’t offer ethical decisions.) their final decisions and final moments come from a place of love and protectiveness, and they change their decisions for the other. they still love each other, through all of it. i don’t think these late stage betrayals equivalate jonmartin necessarily being doomed as a couple (not that anyone has said that, but it’s worth saying). and i think it’s important to remember that this is still a relatively new relationship. it existed for approximately three weeks before the literal apocalypse, and it’s been under an immense amount of stress, as well as the constant fear that one or both of them would die. (which they did.) i’m not saying that excuses certain things they’ve said or done, but i am saying i don’t think the relationship is doomed. i think, if jon and martin have survived, they’ll need to work through things. they’ll need to talk it all out. and they’ll be able to! they’ll heal from this one way or another. the tragedy isn’t that jonmartin is doomed, or toxic. it’s that these moments of betrayal are what dooms them. and the beautiful undercurrent of it all is that they still manage to come together, and make decisions that mean they stay together. and that wherever they are, they’re still together. 

all in all, i don’t think season 5 has been perfect, and i can make my peace with that. (tma’s worst is a hell of a lot better than most shows’ best.) (i also think it might be worth considering how covid could have affected certain aspects of how the season was written -- pandemics are stressful, and i can’t imagine what it’s like to finish an enormous, in the works for years project like this in the middle of that. personally, i’m impressed they’ve managed to finish the show through all of this and keep it to a similar quality.) i think critiques are valuable and worth discussing. and i think plot aspects aside, there are several other critique related things that could be brought up about this season that people have articulated much better than i ever could. but i also, personally, want to walk away from the show feeling satisfied. i tend to be weirdly positive about things i love (the x files finale was horrendous, but i managed to get to a place where i was happy with it, for example), and i think that applies here -- even more so because i really did love so many aspects of that finale. i don’t necessarily want to linger in my own mind over what i disliked, especially considering the show is over. although i did want to air out my thoughts. 

i still love this show. i loved a lot of episodes this season, frustrations aside. season 5 will forever be my only live tma experience, and it got me through one of the worst years of my life, and i am very grateful for this. i genuinely did just want to air out my thoughts and get them all down on paper. these are just my opinions -- i don’t want to criticize anyone who feels differently about the finale, or the season as a whole. everyone’s opinion is their own. 

i feel a lot, lot better about mag 200, to the point of genuinely loving it. i hope my appreciation only grows as i get further from that frenzied first day and have more time to sit with it. and i can’t wait to see all the art and read all of the amazing fics that are going to come out of this ending (and write some of my own). it’s been a wild ride. i’m glad i was here for it.

[levis-wings]

needed a little break in between reading summer rain and silent storms by @astridthevalkyrie to process the first book's ending. i thought going straight into silent storms would literally break me (like actually murder me lol)

yet, i was rendered pleasantly surprised.

i began reading silent storms during my commute to work. and lemme tell you, i haven't been wanting to go to work for a while now because it's been HECTIC (new ehr system is driving us all NUTS). i was also expecting to hold my tears in public (in fear of the angst of the ending of summer rain to bleed into silent storms' beginning). however, i spent like thirty minutes trying not to squeal with happiness and adoration, instead. it also just so happened that when i reached the first smut scene, i was still on my commute (fairly easy to hide my blush behind a mask though, thank god LOL). and by the time my commute to work finished, i was so energized by what i'd read, that i felt excited?? to walk into work??? like levi and oc's romance??? literally rejuvenated me LOL

the overall feel of silent storms, for me at least, was much lighter, fluffier than what summer rain was. don't get me wrong. it was a still massive fucking idiots to lovers, but the idiocy was adorable and tolerable. (mainly because i got to see what was going on in levi's head, which was an AMAZING touch.) i didn't wanna rip out my heart and cry at any point of the story; instead, i wanted to scream and dance with joy 99.9% of the time. i cannot emphasize HOW WELL the emotions, the feelings, the butterflies are written. i feel like i'm feeling love for the first time reading what the characters are going through and not many pieces of media can actually make me feel something

it's the way in which the thoughts are written so... realistically. you hear the characters' doubts, their wishes, their fears. you see what they hide from the other, what they pick and choose to share. you see what they secretly struggle with and what the other assumes of them. and every single one of their reactions/thoughts feels organic to me. also very true to character

[spoilers]

i think this was in chapter one. but this fucking quote:

"The tea is just as bad as last time, if not worse, but he dutifully drinks it all, as she makes herself at home in his office and starts talking his ear off about the many unhealthy effects of insomnia and why does she care why is she looking at him like that what's the matter with her why doesn't she just shut the fuck up for once why is she so pretty—"

the moment i read the latter part, my heart flew out of my chest. it's fucking adorable the way he can barely have a linear thought because he's so whipped for her. i can't even explain with words how HAPPY i was to see how he had felt through all of this

let's also talk about the fucking character development. oc out there pulling uno reverse cards. i think she's the kind of person who grows and learns from others. she takes each person's word to account AND she is aware of this (also the reason she tries to avoid telling levi about important life choices she knows he'll try to talk her out of). sometimes, her inner demons get the best of her. she's complex. (i had an inkling of this is summer rain but more of her childhood was explained in silent storms and the puzzle pieces just fit.) she likes to think that she lives for herself. degrades herself into thinking she's selfish (though honestly, there's nothing wrong with looking out for yourself). but i think it's natural for her to also look out for the people she cares for. her way of caring is listening. and taking in the information they tell her. it's just the cherry on top of her already lovable character. anyways, after understanding her character better, for a while, i suspected she'd somehow(?) try to join the scouts. i was very surprised (and supportive) of her decision to do so as well!

in summer rain, i thought she wasn't ready to be a scout yet. but clearly, she's had quite a few epiphanies and they'd led her to believe in herself. she's totally ready now

i still can't believe i went in thinking i'd fall for levi more and came out falling for the female lead help??

levi's sweet moments sprinkled throughout?? the fic?? killed me.

" 'I'm glad,' he confesses to her, 'I'm happy you didn't join the Scouts. I ... want you to be safe.' "

there are moments like this where he speaks his truth... but it's so tender, so sweet that it's just almost out of pocket. but at this point, he should just fucking say the opposite of what he wants for oc because she'll do the thing he doesn't want her to do, anyways

and listen when he said:

" 'Your mother didn't do her best,' he says honestly, 'you did.' "

i very much did cry inside. and the fact that this left oc speechless. like same, babe, same. it's these rare moments of sweetness that leave me feeling giddy. i don't expect it at all, so when it just comes out, i get so caught off guard LOL

my favorites scenes HAD to be when they had a full-on verbal fight in front of oc's date LMAO, when levi initiated their second kiss, when petra convinced oc to join the special operations squad, when levi and oc finally fucking decided to make something fucking official and then he proceeds to pull out a list of rules from nowhere. hilarious

their constant bickering and dialogue is just *chef's kiss.* never exactly read a couple with better chemistry. i'm also the type of person to like the chase but loathe the aftermath of a couple finally getting together. but fucking goddammit, with these two, i know it'll never get boring. it's also because they tend to banter a lot and i'm that bitch who ships dramione and zutara so you know i like the drama

ALSO?? ERWIN?? when i was watching aot, my friend told me she thought erwin was a 'bad' character. i asked her why she felt that way. she told me because he had no depth to his character—that he was plain. i disagreed. i think erwin (along with levi and eren) is arguably one of the most complex characters in aot, and this fic just brings it out sooooo well! there's just?? something in me?? that makes me believe erwin is SUS of levi and oc. also the fact that he remains a mystery to oc too. she's always questioning the relationship erwin has with levi and even that in it itself makes the man 10 times more enigmatic. i absolutely love it

and the smut. goodbye. i only expected one scene. i was given like... i can't even count because i can't do math when i'm excited lol. but it was much more than what i expected and i was LIVING for it. something about levi letting go of control????????? please. didn't think subby levi would be my cup of tea but i guess i was proven wrong. i'm not even mad

i forgot to say in my last review. but listen. oc liking milk makes me feel so validated. like i literally do not know a single fucking real-life person who likes drinking plain milk like me. and yes, people have poked fun at my habit. BUT SEEING OC DRINKING HER PLAIN MILK SO UNAPOLOGETICALLY. GODDAMN. plain milk drinkers rise 😩😩

but i also need levi to teach oc how to make good tea tho. like girly, you add hot water and a good amount of tea leaves 🤨 what are you getting wrong?

anyways, i've said way too much again. but i can't help but get excited when i come across such a great work of art. though i admit i'm terrified going into warmth. i don't think i'm ready to see the show's events unfolding... because when petra dies i will fucking cry. it's funny because when i first watched aot, i didn't even know who petra fucking was until AFTER she got squashed... yikes. but the more i learn about her character (in aot and in this particular setting), the more i like her

i always end up having some sort of stupid side character syndrome. in aot, i focused on levi/hange/erwin and sasha/connie/jean. and now even in a whole ass fanfiction ABOUT levi, i'm fantasizing about petra and erwin??? huh???

i hope things go well for levi and oc in the future. i'm not ready to see the shit go down in warmth though 😭

[easierlftv]

You Made It

Gif is mine, please do not use without giving me credit.

pairing: poly!cashton x reader

warnings: none I don’t think??? 

word count: 1.1k

a/n: this is a v self serving fic since I’m graduating from college this semester and I’m not really celebrating until August, when my walking ceremony is. So this is just a fic for me, and for the class of 2020. Congratulations guys! You made it through, whether is be college or high school I’m proud of you! Also this is a special thank you to my babies @kingcals​ and @ashisonthefloor​ for motivating me to write again. I love you guys!

Closing your laptop, it felt like the weight of the world had been lifted off your shoulders. You’d finally submitted your last report, and your bachelor’s degree was officially complete. It had been a long four years, full of ups and downs but it was finally all over. Though you hadn’t expected to graduate in the midst of a pandemic, you were grateful to finally be done. 

Rubbing your eyes, you let out a soft yawn. It was nearly four in the morning now, and you were dying to crawl into bed with your boys. You practically had to force them to leave you behind a few hours before, though Ashton insisted they would stay awake with you, you could already see both he and Calum were nodding off on the couch.  Plus, you knew that they needed to catch up on sleep after a few weeks of doing album promos at varying hours. 

Standing from your chair you made your way back the hallway to your bedroom, smiling softly as the scene before you as you entered. Calum was tucked carefully into Ashton’s arms, with Duke curled up at his feet. The scene rugged at your heartstrings and you wished you could’ve taken a photo without disturbing them. Instead, you made a mental note of the moment and headed to the bathroom to get changed. Careful to be quiet, you changed quickly and slipped into bed. Just as you settled, Ashton turned over and tugged you close.

“Paper?” He mumbled, and you couldn’t help but smile at his tired question. 

“‘M all done honey, go back to sleep.” You lightly placed a kiss on his shoulder and cuddled into his chest. The sound his breathing soon evened out, and you found yourself drifting off not far behind. 

A groan left your lips as a gentle hand caressed your cheek. 

“Mornin’ sleepyhead...” Calum whispered, gently combing through hair with his hand. “C’mon love, gotta get up its nearly noon.” 

Peaking one of your eyes open, you whined at the brightness of the room and were quick to pull the sheets over your eyes. “Don’t wanna...”

“Wipe that pout off your lip and come on love,” He chuckles, “Ash made brunch and I’d hate to eat all of it before you get the chance to come downstairs.”

“Ash made brunch?” Slowly you brought down the blanket and peeked at him, “Did he made the special fluffy pancakes?” 

“Sure did.”

“With strawberries and blueberries?” 

“Those very ones.” Giving you a smirk he tugs the blankets down even further as you sit up. “Get into some comfy clothes and come downstairs, we’ve got a surprise for you.”

A look of confusion crosses your face as he quickly pecks your lips. 

“A surprise? For what?” 

“Guess you’ll have to come downstairs and find out.” He winked and headed downstairs, shouting something to Ash that you could quite make out. You headed to the bathroom and began to clean yourself up a bit, combing through your hair and brushing your teeth. But, the entire time your mind flicked from one date to the next, trying to figure out if you’d missed an important date or maybe an anniversary. But you knew that nothing of the sort was coming up soon, and you were left even more confused about the boys surprise.

“Sweetheart! You ready yet?” Ash shouted from the bottom of the stairs. Rolling your eyes you could help but smile, you knew he was always so impatient when it came to surprises. 

“I’m coming, you can’t rush perfection.” You teased, making your way downstairs into his waiting arms. “So, are you my surprise this morning? 

He chuckled softly and kissed your forehead. “Sorry petal, but not today. There’s a different little surprise.” 

“There won’t be any surprise if you don’t come help me!” Calum yelled from the kitchen, and you could practically hear the frustration in his voice. 

“Gotta do everything myself around here,” Ash smiled and gave you a wink, “Stay right here, and when it’s ready we will call you into the kitchen.”

Laughing lightly you pushed him along as he rushed to help Calum. You listened as the two of them bickered quietly over something before they fell silent. Soon enough the soft flicking of a lighter could be heard, just before the boys voice called out to you. 

Stepping through the doorway your eyes lit up at the sight of the room. Streams and balloons in your university colors were scattered around the room. Large balloons in the numbers of 2020 loomed over the kitchen table, where a small lopsided cake sat with lighted mismatched candles. 

“Surprise!” Ashton yelled, bringing the cake over to you carefully, so the candles didn’t blow out. Across the top was a messily done message saying “We love our 2020 grad.” 

“Oh boys,” you sniffled, wiping away a stray tear that fell as Calum came to your side and pressed kiss to your cheek.

“Go on sweetheart, blow out your candles.” He whispered, running his hand your back. Smiling softly, you leaned into his arms and blew out your candles. 

“Thank you, guys...” Wrapping your arms around Calum you squeezed him tightly, and it was only a few moments before Ashton wrapped his arms around the two of you as well. “I-I didn’t think we would celebrate until my graduation ceremony...”

“We are so proud of you sweetheart, of course we had to celebrate now. You just worked your ass off for four years, and we are so amazed by everything you’ve done.” Ash said, placing a gentle kiss against your shoulder. Calum nodded quietly before joining in. 

“Especially with everything going on right now, princess. You’ve overcome so much these past few years and we just wanted to show you how much we love you.” 

Wiping away your tears, you pressed a kiss to Calum’s lips before turning and doing the same to Ashton’s.

“You’re both so amazing, I love you both so much.” 

“And we love you too sweetheart,” Cal smiled, wiping away another tear, “Now, enough tears, we’ve got a cake to eat. Ash and I slaved over that thing all morning.” 

“More like I slaved over it!” Ash laughed, moving to grab plates for the three of you. “All you did was the icing.”

“It was your idea! I wanted to have one made, but you insisted. That’s why the cakes practically caving in on itself.” He teased.

“Hey! It’s the thought that counts, even if it is crooked.” Ash sighed, a pout crossing his lip. Pulling Ashton into your chest, you wrapped your arms around him protectively as he nuzzled into your embrace. 

“It’s perfect bub, no matter what Cal says, he’s just being a meanie because he can’t bake anything without burning it.” You teased, a smile crossing your face as Ash let out a little laugh at Calum’s faux hurt expression. “Now come on, I’m dying for a piece of cake.” 

“Coming right up!” 

tagslist: @haikucal​

[author-archive]

Author Interview: awickedplacethisis

Name: Simon

Tumblr: @awickedplacethisis​

Where else you can find them: ao3

What is the main pairing you write for?

Harringrove - Billy Hargrove/Steve Harrington from Stranger Things

What inspired you to start writing for them?

The obvious tension between them in the show, and all the queer subtext I could see in Billy’s character! Plus, of course, all the amazing creators I found in the fandom. I wanted to contribute too!

Do you remember the first fic you ever wrote?

The first fic I ever wrote was definitely something Harry Potter related. The first fic I SHARED was a Simon vs. fic I wrote when the book came out, when that fandom was even smaller than it still is.

What fic/scene has been the hardest for you to write and why?

Billy’s relationship with his dad is always a challenge for me to write. Because we saw so little of it, and the little we saw was a mess. There’s a lot that hits close to home, whenever I write Billy in general. When I look back to the first time I ever wrote their relationship, I just want to go back and change it all. It’s a struggle, to capture something real, there.

What inspires you?

When I write, I get a lot of inspiration from thoughts running around in my own head, true events or just random things that COULD happen, to me. To someone LIKE me. But also, a lot of the beautiful fanart in the fandom give me real good ideas for fics. Just generally in life, my inspiration comes from fiction, I think. I’ve always read a lot, and that feeling of seeing something on paper that could happen to you, or would never ever happen, having that grip you and keep you in a whole different world, that feeling means a lot to me. Literature plays a big part in all aspects of my life, in the end.

Do you have a writing process? If so, what's it like?

Oh... I don’t think I even know my own process, really. I try to always have something at hand, a phone or computer or notebook, so I can write down ideas as soon as inspiration hits. That’s probably the only consistent thing, I write down all my ideas, big ones or small ones, because I know I forget them within the minute if I don’t. And from there, I usually try to find the “eye of the storm” first. What does the whole fic revolve around? How does it come to that place? Why does it change? Honestly, my projects are messes right until they’re done. Snippets of dialogue here, some author notes to myself there, delusional 2 am writing hidden away in a corner.

How would you describe your writing style?

My writing style is... messy. But that’s why I like it. It’s filled with cut off thoughts and italics, ‘cause that’s how I think. And that’s how I’d like to imagine those characters think. It’s also slightly influenced by the poetry I read, and just other literature in general. All though I try to be careful when it comes to that, ‘cause I’d rather something be plain when it comes to wording, than to be all fancy in a way the characters would never think. My writing style is like mundane poetry, if that makes sense.

Is there anyone that influences your style?

Not really, at least not consciously. I definitely take up tips from other writers, both in fandom and published authors. I see things I like in someone else’s writing and remember it for the next time I write. Something I think influences me a little is “The book of disquiet” by Fernando Pessoa.

What's your favourite line that you've written? This was a tough one, really. Probably this one, from my fic “the first time I saw the ocean (it was in your eyes)”

“to find darker blue in the lighter, specs of green so vivid that it’s weird he’s never seen them before. Maybe he’s never really looked , before.”

It’s really not a deep line or anything, but it really just captures Steve’s unknowing longing. The way he wants but he doesn’t know what. The way he sees so much that he’s never seen before, doesn’t really know what to do with that.

What do you find to be the easiest part of writing?

I don’t know if it counts, but nsfw content is definitely the easiest and non challenging stuff for me to write. ‘Cause just on a base level, it doesn’t really hold any depth. It can, depending on what you do with it, how you write the characters inner turmoil and everythin’. Other than that, I feel like it’s easy for me to write dialogue, all sorts of it. As a theatre kid, scripts have always had a big appeal, I guess.

What's the hardest?

The hardest is definitely getting to the point. I’ll spend too many words on building up a backstory, and then the actual plot just never happens. Backstory can be nice, but some fics call for that “being plunged right into the chaos”, from the start.

Why do you write?

I write ‘cause I’ve learnt no one else is going to give me the fiction I want. No ones gonna write characters like me if I do nothing. Sure, it’s starting, the whole diversity thing. But I won’t sit around and hope someone will write a book or script a movie with characters I can see myself in. I’ll write it myself. Of course, writing is a passion of mine. It’s not just that I wanna see myself on a page or a screen. The way we have languages, ways of creating stories and immortalize them, it’s so amazing to me. And I love it.

Why do you share your work?

I share my work in hope to make someone feel something. I want people to read words I’ve put together and feel things, feel pain or happiness or sadness or hope. Anything. ‘Cause it’s so baffling to me that words can DO that. I also want other people to be able to see themselves in something. A lot of people turn to fanfiction to find some kinda story they can see themselves in, and if I make even one person feel like they belong thanks to my work, I’ve succeeded.

Is there anything you’d like to share from a current WIP?

I’ve got quite a few of ‘em, and too little organization to finish them. Here’s an excerpt from my fic “the first time you said sorry (you used all the wrong words)” - part 2 of my “a series of firsts (in a way)”

“Nothing changes, except Steve can’t stop thinking about it. And he’s great at not thinking about it, but blue eyes and rough hands and deft fingers keep following him. That feeling, too. The one that gripped him, locked him in place. It choked him, left him heaving. Maybe it’s ‘cause it was Hargrove. He’d find some way of hurting him, even if he didn’t pound his face in. Maybe it’s the queer thing. The thing he’s never, ever thought about. The thing he locked away, kept away. Maybe it’s a sign that he’s not, that it’s so wrong that his body protested against it, locked itself in.”

(Italics got removed, but you can imagine I overuse the hell outta them)

Question from an anon: as a gay man, how do you feel about straight women who enjoy m/m fanfiction?

Now, this is quite the heated subject. And I do have a lot of feelings about that. Both as a gay man, and as a fanfiction writer. First, and most importantly, if what you enjoy is not harmful to you or anyone else, it’s okay to enjoy it. I’m all for enjoying things. As a content provider, my whole goal is for people to enjoy themselves. And I’d never restrict my content to one group of people, ‘cause everyone has the right to consume free media, and I want to share my work with everyone.

Straight women have the same right to enjoy content as any other person. Whatever floats your boat, do that. But, one thing needs to be clear. Enjoying m/m fanfiction in itself is nothing more than that. It doesn’t make you an ally of the community, and it doesn’t make you apart of it. Honestly, its just fetishizing. If you consume gay porn, it’s ‘cause it gets you going. If a straight woman consciously searches out gay porn or m/m fan fiction, its fetishizing.

And the extreme fetishizing of gay men in media is a problem. We’ve been given breadcrumbs of representation only to now be used as bait for straight girls who think it’s just sooo cute to see Timothée Chalamet get fucked on screen. And I get angry about that. I get angry that the representation we need is redirected to other people, people who really don’t care about the community as a whole further than their cute gay (and cis, and white) couples. I hate that. But i can’t sit and pretend like I have some sort of moral high ground. ‘Cause I make content that feeds into that. But it’s different, with fanfiction. I make content for MYSELF, and then whoever sees it, good for them. If all of my readers were straight women, I’d be fine with that. As long as they know that all they do is enjoy porn that fits their fetish. Or, if its not the smut, its still to an extent that. Fetishizing or romanticizing a group of people. And you do you, as long as you know that’s all you do.

Enjoy the harmless content you want to enjoy. And fanfiction is harmless. Just, this is the important part, don’t act like you’re doing more than that. You’re not a gay icon or an ally or super woke for reading about two fictional characters who interacted once fuck. You’re enjoying yourself, and thats fine. But in the end, its nothing more than that.  We’re a community, and you gotta stick up for everyone if you think you’re even close to an ‘ally’. Queer folk stick together. And when i say i don’t mind straight women reading my work, I gotta make one thing clear:

My work is to LGBT+ people, from someone in the community. I write because we deserve to see authentic people like us in fiction. And I’m doing my part to make at least one person feel like they can see a character and think “this is me”.

[its-jijii]

i’m scared of tanizaki junichirou

welcome to me theorizing and questioning the tanizaki siblings cause they honestly kinda scare me. everything im talking about has already been animated in s3 but warning for spoilers if u haven’t seen it yet.

hi okay well i’ll start off with the eyes. harukawa has explained this so i’m sure most people know of it, but if you don’t, eyes = danger/morality. characters with darker eyes are more dangerous or “evil”, and characters with light eyes are more innocent. i personally think something is off with naomi’s eyes. also if you wanna skip reading about eyes go ahead

in comparison to mafia members or ex-mafia members, naomi doesn’t stand out that much. it’s true that her pupil isn’t large and dark, like kyouka or kenji, and her eyes don’t have any kind of shading or rings.

however, if you were to only look at ADA members with more narrowed eyes, naomi’s starts to stand out. her iris has thicker lining and touches the bottom of her eye (ranpos also do but hes squinting 24/7). her pupil is bigger than others, too. without harukawa’s stated stylistic choices, her eyes being like this wouldn’t have much significance. 

buuut i wouldn’t be talking about it if it were normal. considering naomi’s role, her eyes are uncomfortably dark. she’s supposedly a student and part time office worker. fukuzawa worked as a government assassin in the past. kunikida isn’t evil, but he is physically capable and dangerous. even her brother has lighter eyes. why are naomi’s eyes darker, indicative of evil or danger, than that of other dangerous ADA members? she has no ability from our knowledge.

for a nonviolent, non-combative character, naomi’s eyes pretty dark. i can’t help but think she is hiding something. 

beyond naomi’s unusually dark eyes, there’s the subject matter of the sibling’s relationship. not the incest part. something is clearly off between them- their willingness to do anything for each other is what is off-putting. naomi jumping in front of her brother to save him? not unusual. tanizaki willing to commit murder for his sister’s sake? woah there, hold on a sec

there is normally a line you would draw in what you would do for your sibling(s). for someone who is supposedly on the good side, that’s an extreme measure to take. and unfortunately it isn’t just tanizaki threatening to hurt people who hurt naomi- he has literally attempted to kill people to protect her or get revenge. 

first there was him choking higuchi, where if akutagawa hadn’t interrupted him, he probably would’ve killed her. secondly, when rescuing naomi and haruno from the guild, he intentionally used his ability to attempt to kill the guild members by getting them hit by a truck.

i’m led to believe that this love and dedication between them is mutual. naomi is protective of her brother and frequently follows him around. if she had any combative skills or ability, she would likely be using them to protect tanizaki. assuming this is the case, i wonder what caused their relationship to escalate to this point. for both of them to be so close that they would commit murder, throw away all morals and self preservation- i can’t see a normal sibling relationship getting to that point. technically they’re not that normal but you get the point.

aside from their actions proving their dedication to each other, there’s what they’ve said about the relationship. particularly, what tanizaki said about what naomi means to him during his conflict with the guild.

sorry for low quality screenshots. they’re from chapter 22

well, here we go. for starters, eyes again- tanizaki normally has pretty light eyes. however, when he speaks seriously about naomi in these panels, his eyes are always considerably darker. he is more dangerous, and as he said, willing to throw away all morals.

then there’s the god thing. he says that he can’t compare his love or willingness for naomi with anything. the example he uses is that “nobody would compare god with anything, right?” the way this is phrased strongly suggests that to him, naomi is akin to a god. highly revered, dutifully loved and willing to do anything, and that she can’t be compared to anything. she can’t be compared to other people, or concepts, or anything- to him, naomi is godlike and her importance is unquestionable.

lastly, there’s him saying that he would gladly reduce the world to ashes for naomi. at this point, there’s little doubt in the reader’s mind that he means this. he is very, very serious in what he would do for naomi. this kind of obsession and worship must have stemmed from somewhere or something. something must have happened for tanizaki in particular to act this way. but alas asagiri hasn’t given me jack shit so i have no idea what

tanizaki is scary beyond his loyalty to his sister, though. his ability, and what he said in chapter three. he doesn’t have a flashy or amazing ability, and it isn’t used in combat. this is true. of course there are other creative ways tanizaki has utilized his ability, but it is limited. in another post i discussed ability classifications in bsd. light snow falls under the non-combative category.

tanizaki’s ability itself cannot hurt people. his ability can affect himself, others, and his surroundings, but making illusions can’t hurt people. so, given this fact and the fact that he said that he is non-combative, i find his actions strange. other ADA members have either training in combat (kuni, fuku) or their ability  gives them a strength boost (atsu, kenji, kyouka, etc).

he hasn’t shown any knowledge of martial arts, and his ability is one of the few that can’t injure other people. so,,,, how did this man stand up to the three black lizard commanders on his own? he nearly successfully killed mori. he nearly killed higuchi. and though he physically didn’t do much, he did incapacitate two formidable guild members.

it’s true that most of these involved using his ability to disguise himself or his surroundings. however, he seems very, very adept at using his ability in these unconventional ways. maybe he’s just creative and good at thinking up tactics. buuut given that most of these instances involve him attempting murder, i have to wonder how he is so used to using his ability to assassinate or trick others. for a non-combative person, he seems preetttty violent

bonus that in most of these scenes, his eyes are very dark. sometimes they revolve around protecting naomi, and sometimes they revolve around infiltrating and assassinating the boss of the port mafia.

in conclusion i’m scared of tanizaki junichirou. naomi is suspicious and lowkey shady af, but i have not seen her act as drastically and terrifyingly as tanizaki has. thanks for coming to my ted talk i’ve been writing this for like three hours and now its four am. bye thanks for reading, i hope you enjoyed

[thewritewolf]

Eating Habits Chapter 13: Bliss

The semester is passing by quickly as Adrien and Marinette live happily together, supporting each other in everything they do. 

1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 11 12 13 14 15 16 17 18 19 20 (Final)

Enjoy!

Read on Ao3

Her feet aching from the long week of classes fresh out of winter break, Marinette shambled up the stairs and blearily stood in front of the door to her shared home. Her faint hope that it would open on its own extinguished. A few long moments passed before she worked up the energy to open the door, slowly lifting her tired arms as if every centimeter of movement was an absolute chore.

As she stepped into the apartment, she was vaguely aware of the meat and vegetables sitting out on the kitchen counter, but much more important was the mop of blonde hair and the strong back poking out from behind the couch. At the sound of the door closing, Adrien looked behind him with an expression that started off curious before lighting up with a bright smile.

“Bugaboo! Amazing timing as usual, I was just about to get up and-” He was cut off as she plopped onto the couch, resting her head on his lap as she curled up into a more comfortable position, “-and make dinner, but I guess we can sit here for a little while.” Picking up the remote, he turned down the volume of the show on the television. “Wanna talk about it?”

She groaned and reached out her hand, groping around until she found his. Dragging her prize, she dropped his hand onto the back of her head.

Adrien laughed, a sound that was already soothing her aching muscles. His hands began playing with her hair and she sighed in satisfaction. “Poor tired bug. I can’t imagine just sewing and studying all day make you this tuckered out. Did you go to the gym after classes too? I keep telling you that you have to start smaller.”

Marinette was too tired to contribute much to the conversation, but just having him there, listening to him, feeling his touch on her, was doing wonders for her. It was just as heavy a burden she was carrying as last semester. But with him here? It felt so much lighter. She didn’t feel as though she were falling apart at the seams any more.

----------------

Adrien turned off the television and ran his fingers through his hair. His shift at the bakery had ended hours ago, leaving him waiting for Marinette to get back from school. The grumbling of his stomach got louder as he glanced back at the untouched selection of ingredients he’d assembled on the kitchen counter. He didn’t really want to start cooking until she got back.

After all, the time she got home each day was pretty arbitrary. Weeks into the semester and he still struggled to keep track of all her commitments, between student organizations, classes, study groups, and extra design work time. Yet another skill his coddled early years had deprived him of.

He sighed and opened the door to their balcony. The chill of winter was receding fast and the late March night was surprisingly warm. Leaning against the railing, he took a deep breath of the fresh air and stared out into the glimmering lights of the Parisian night.

“Beautiful, isn’t it?”

Adrien jolted, but quickly relaxed when Ladybug landed beside him. His sly smirk was undercut by the soft blush he could already feel spreading across his cheeks. “Yes, you are.” He took her hand and kissed it. “I didn’t know the great hero Ladybug made house calls?”

“She’s been known to make an exception for her favorite civilians.” She smiled teasingly as she closed the distance between them, their faces centimeters apart. “Or at least, the particularly handsome ones.”

“Don’t let Chat Noir hear that,” he whispered into her ear. “I hear he’s the jealous type.” His arms wrapped around her, pulling her flush against him.

“Somehow, I don’t think he’ll mind what I’ve got planned for you tonight,” she said, pressing a chaste kiss against his lips.

“And what do you have planned, hm?”

“You’re about to find out.” Suddenly, she had one arm wrapped around him and with the other pulled out her yo-yo. Before he knew it, he was sailing over Paris and latching onto her. Despite the speed and the heights, he wasn’t afraid. Not just because he’d done this plenty of times as Chat before, but because he had absolute faith in her. She would never let him down - literally, in this case.

Before long, they had landed on the rooftop of a building that stood a story taller than the ones around it. Still holding onto his tiny, superpowered girlfriend, he looked around. His eyes widened when he saw the candlelit dinner with boxed chinese food, a single rose in a vase completing the scene.

His heart melted, but a thought caused him to fall into a giggle fit.

“What’s so funny, oh handsome civilian who is on the fast track to the couch tonight?”

He bit down on his lower lip and looked at her with eyes that glimmered with mirth. “I was just thinking… if I told fourteen year old Adrien that this was happening - that Ladybug made a romantic dinner just for us - I know that either his heart would explode from happiness or he just wouldn’t believe me.”

The annoyance in her eyes melted away, replaced with gentle love. She rocked forward on her toes to press a kiss against his cheek.

“Better believe it, sunshine. You aren’t the only one that knows their way around romance. And I’m definitely not going anywhere.”

He took her hand and held it between his. There were so many things that he wanted to say to her, but he just couldn’t find the words. Instead, he simply whispered, “I know.”

She seemed to understand as she slowly walked away and towards the dinner she had set. She pulled out his seat for him. Laughing, he sat down.

“Such a gentleman!”

She rolled her eyes with a smile and took the seat opposite him. They chatted while they ate, filling each other in on what they’d been doing that day. The food was wonderful and even if he hadn’t seen the logo on the boxes, he would have known it just from the taste. The Chinese restaurant was a favorite of theirs when they went on casual dates. Marinette’s mom was friends with the owners, and they’d all gone as a family plenty of times during the years he’d dated Marinette.

Adrien trailed off in the middle of explaining one customer’s particularly strange order when he heard music filtering up from the building below them. He glanced back at Ladybug, who was smugly watching him.

“...Are we above a symphony’s practice studio?”

“Mhm,” she hummed in confirmation.

Deciding she was being far too smug for her own good, he stood up, offering her his hand as he rose from a bow. “Would you do me the honor of a dance, my lady?”

Her pupils shrunk to pinpricks and she flailed her arms around her face. “Adrien, you know I can’t-”

He grabbed her hand and pulled her to her feet. His other hand found its familiar spot on her lower back as he held her close to himself. He smiled down at her as she looked up at him, stunned for a moment. He decided in that moment, as he had many times before, that love was a good look on her.

As they settled into their dance, Adrien nuzzled against the top of her head as they twirled in gentle circles across the rooftop. He breathed deep, letting her scent - strawberries and cookies and a hundred other sweet things - fill him and bring peace to his weary spirit.

-----------------

Adrien finished his story and took a sip of his coffee, made exactly how he liked it. The cafe they’d chosen was quickly becoming a favorite and not only because it was right between their current living spaces.

Nino chuckled and shook his head. “Geez, dude. You two are made for each other, no doubt about it.”

“Jealous of our romance, bro?”

“Not a chance. Me and Alya are doing just fine with our chill love. But you two? With your over the top declarations of love? You two got each other to save everyone else from the sickeningly sick vibes and plots.”

“Hm…” Adrien put his chin in his hand, propped up on the table. Tapping his cheek he gave it some thought before nodding. “Definitely jealous then.” Nino scoffed. “Hey, you should have said something sooner! I’m sure Marinette wouldn’t mind if I brought you up to a rooftop for a candlelit dinner. Just so you could see what it’s like.”

Nino covered his face in his hands, but couldn’t hide the laughter bubbling out of him. “Yeah sure, dude. I’m just saying - you two tend to go crazy with romance, so it works out nice that you ended up with each other.”

“It’s way better than nice, man.” Adrien smiled with what he knew was a dopey grin - knew, but didn’t care. “Being with her - living with her - is a dream come true.”

“I figured it would be. I’m psyched for you guys - both of you are loads better when you’re not by yourselves, so it makes a ton of sense for you to move in.”

“What about you and Alya?”

Nino laughed. “After years of being stuck in crowded apartments with tons of siblings, we’re actually enjoying the space apart. But,” he said, grinning at his coffee, “after seeing what you and M have, I’m starting to like the idea more and more.” He made a dismissive gesture and leaned back in his chair, one arm over the back. “But that’s a while down the road. We’re supes happy with our set up right now.”

“I’m happy for you, man,” Adrien said softly. He took another long sip of drink, letting his mind wander. “Things are looking up, aren’t they?”

“They sure are, my bro.” Nino raised his coffee toward Adrien and they clinked their cups in a toast. “They sure are.” Nino took a quick gulp and leaned forward. “What else has been going down? I bet you’ve got a lotta sappy stories now that you two are together every day, so spill.”

They talked for another hour, exchanging stories about their girlfriends, about working with Jagged Stone, about the crazy customers the bakery had seen. He was glad they had managed to sneak in this time to hang out together, despite how busy both of them were. Adrien would always treasure Nino’s friendship, the first real friend he had made at school - his first, and his best.

----------------

Marinette stretched, reaching her hands far above her head as she worked out the aches from sitting still for so long. The dress in front of her was almost finished, but she needed to take a break before she could continue. If Adrien weren’t working at the bakery for the weekend, he’d have approved.

Her stretch brought her to her feet and then her toes, which then turned into wiggling her hips vaguely in time with the music that was filling the apartment. It felt liberating, dancing in her spotted pajamas in an old black t-shirt she’d stolen from Adrien years ago, hair hanging free. She was making great progress with that commission and she knew it. The dress could wait a few minutes while she had a little fun.

Sure, it was already the middle of April and the spring show was getting closer, but even that didn’t bother her. Speaking of, she was supposed to get a letter soon concerning how many front row tickets she’d be reserving for friends and family. After giving it a moment’s consideration, she opted to just head down to the mail room as she was. Who cares if someone saw her in her pajamas?

The song stayed in her head and she hummed along to it as she quickly went down the stairs. She grabbed the mail and started leafing through it as she returned the way she came. Her eyes widened just as she reached the door, hand hesitating at the door knob when she recognized the writing on one of the letters.

The surprise evaporated under a withering tide of anger. She knew what she’d read if she opened the letter - excuses, protests, and blame directed at Adrien. Of all the limited talents that Gabriel possesed, self-reflection was not among them.

She shoved it roughly in the basket with the rest of his letters, only barely resisting tossing it in the trash. As she changed her playlist to something a little more energetic to help her blow off steam, she decided that Adrien didn’t need to know he had gotten any mail at all today.

And everyone would be happier for it.

[lsobelevans]

Hiya! First off I just wanted to say your rnm palette ask sets are just utter perfection! They're legit so gorgeous I keep staring at them! And I was wondering if you had a tutorial or tips/tricks on how you made the Isobel+alien girls set with the mixed colours? Keep up the amazing work!!!

hey!! firstly thank you so much!! ❤️❤️

i tried to do a tutorial, i apologize in advance for any english mistakes and if i’m not good at explaining or you’ve got any questions, don’t hesitate to hmu :))

this will be a tutorial to make gifs in the style of this. i won’t go too much into the practical how to make a palette part. 

there’s probably a lot of other better tutorials out there for this, but that’s my way of doing it:

(If you want a very quick summary of all this + just tips i put them at the end, because this is gonna be a long walk through.)

(edit: if you use this pls send me your stuff i wanna see it lol)

Detailed tutorial: 

So one important thing is to choose the right kind of scene and to know what you’re going to be able to do with it. For example it’s easier to color a well lit scene but if it’s too bright it might also be annoying, it also depends on the colors you’ll be going for. Your life is going to be a lot easier if there isn’t too much movement. If it moves a lot, it can still work well if the background is a solid color, by using the selective color adjustment layer. Also sometimes you just have to try to see if it works!!

Since there isn’t a strict rule on how to do it i’m gonna walk you through how i make it personally. 

for this i’ve chosen this palette 

I like it because it’s bright and there’s a colors that are gonna be nice to use with the scene I picked.

Once you’ve made your gif and you’ve cut it/sharpened it how you please (for this kind of gifsets I like a smooth sharpening but it’s really your choice) we can start to bring do the light and then the colors.

This step is like, to each their own. I usually go with curve first, then light/contrast, levels, exposure, then the selective colors layer for the blacks, and vibrancy.

(i’m putting the settings i used here for reference but it really depends on the scene, i don’t always use the light/contrast, exposure, either.)

(sorry it’s in french but it’s the exact same thing in english, and they’re in order) 

I added another curve because i thought it was too dark and now i’ve got this. 

Now we’re gonna start with the selective colors:

(I add another selective color layer because to me it doesn’t have the same use as the one I put before.)

technically you can start with the blacks and go up (blacks, greys, whites, magentas, blues…) here i didn’t change the blacks because i already did that layer before or the greys because it changes the picture globally and here i didn’t see the point to do that at this stage, but on some gifs it can be helpful. 

i like to take off some yellow in the whites and add some blue. 

then for magenta i do this: 

it works because there isn’t that much magenta in the picture but it’s also something that you have to see case by case for the different colors.

same for blue and cyan:

don’t really care about the greens, on this particular picture it doesn’t change much.

then i took off some yellow and did this with the red. my goal with this is to have her skin not be yellow. for now i don’t worry about her hair, just worrying about her skin.

then i added a color balance adjustment layer 

i also added another curve bc it was still too dark in my taste and at this stage i’ve got this: 

so now we’re gonna start to try and color specific elements, it’s like imagining the gif as blocks of colors that i gotta get from one color to another.

i start with her lips. they’re pink and i want them to be more red to match the red in the color palette. so i use a hue/saturation layer.

basically i change it so it matches the palette, less pink and more red.

i also changed the yellow a bit so her skin looks closer to the color i’m aiming for, and i made it lighter. 

then i’m gonna start on the background.

i’m gonna try to make it blue like the blue in the palette.

for this we’re gonna add a new transparent layer and we’re gonna paint on it with a soft brush. that’s what we’re gonna do for the rest of the “color blocks” (background, hair, jacket). since she doesn’t move a lot in the frame, i decided to (roughly) select her silhouette and then color the outside of the selection.

then i changed the blending mode of this layer to “color” (it doesn’t have to be color, i usually try a few different blending modes until i find the one that works). and since it still doesn’t look very good on the edges, i duplicated it and went to filter, gaussian blur, at  about 4,5, to smooth it up. 

it doesn’t have to be perfect in my opinion, i think it works pretty well.

now moving on to the hair: i want them to be yellow to match the yellow of the palette. i add a new transparent layer, repeat. 

here i didn’t select them, i painted directly with the soft brush. i changed this layer to “soft light” because it’s the one that works the best. i also added a hue/saturation layer where i made the yellow a little more vibrant.

then i still think her face is a little bit too yellow so i added a selective color layer where i removed some yellow, i put it under the first transparent layer and then i erased it on the layer mask on the places that aren’t her skin so that it doesn’t have an effect there.

then it’s great because her jacket is already kinda green and there’s green on the palette!

so i do the same thing with a transparent layer and i color it with the green of the palette. changed this one to color and added a hue/saturation layer to make it brighter and worked on the mask so that it only has an effect on the jacket.

and you’ve got your result!!

you can still make your adjustments but i’m gonna stop there for this one :D

now since it was very long and some of you already know how to do all of this

general tips: 

- pick the right scene. 

- see the different parts of the gif as “blocks of colors” 

- use the drafts on tumblr. to see what the gif looks like on its own, to see what it looks like compared to the others, post it as a draft, look at it, change it, change it again, change it again. 

- if you wanna match a palette open the palette in ps and go back to it all the time lol. i’m bad at this but it’s what you should do!!

quick summary if you don’t feel like reading my blabbering:  

pick the right scene

make your normal gif

do the light first

do what you can with the general colors of the gif, think of the skin. selective colors is your friend.

paint the different blocks of colors, change the blending modes, use selection if you have to

final adjustments!!

once again, if you’ve got any question i’ll try my best to answer them. hope this helps somewhat!

[insomnihan]

han’s Entire Thoughts and Feelings on Dreamcatcher’s “Deja Vu”

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA

MY TIME HAS COME 2.0!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! FULL INSOMNIA MODE DONT. LOOK. AT. ME.

there are no read mores here so ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

ALRIGHT SO-

THE SONG OKAY LETS JUMP RIGHT INTO IT i wasnt expecting something lowkey sad BUT im not mad at it!!!!!!!!!! i had conflicting emotions when i desperately wanted to cry but also headbang?????? HOWEVER thanks to force and air the tears in my eyes were drying as i headbanged- LIKE this song really PUT ME THROUGH IT like that chorus didnt have tO DO ME LIKE THAT™!!!!!!!!!!!!! BUT THEN THE VERSES AND THE PRE-CHORUSES WERE SLOW (and the bridge but bridges be like that in nearly all songs) WHICH IM ACTUALLY REALLY INTO it was like being in a roller coaster with the verses being the slow hill and the chorus was the fall THAT PIANO GOES HARD...................... but like in a soft way????? DONT ASK ME WHAT IM SAYING IS IM A HOE™ FOR PIANO THOSE DRUMS DURING THE CHORUS STOP IT I CANNOT I FELT THEM VIBRATE THROUGH MY BONES

like i DEADASS have nothing to criticize or change about this song its PERFECTLY FINE AS IT IS (except for like more gahyeon and dami????? pls??????)

siyeon starting the song.......................... thank you.............. I STILL STAND BY SAYING I WOULD LISTEN TO HER VOICE FOR LITERALLY FOREVER HER VOICE DURING THE CHORUS QUEEN OF SINGING CHORUSES OH BUT THEN THAT HIGH NOTE ARE YOU KIDDING ME??????? SHE DIDNT HAVE TO KILL ME LIKE THIS BUT THANK YOU SO MUCH I- and now....... im in the deja vu P L E A S E

gaaaaaaaahhhyeeeeeooonnnn her voice is so pretty!!!!!!!!!!! BUT I WANT MORE!!!!!!!!!! HOWEVER youre the second one to sing with this beautiful gentleness of a part and to be honest this part paired with siyeon starting it really eases you into the song and its quite the blessing to hear thanks- and then yknow this part right after handong........................... Heaven™

SPEAKING OF HANDONG LISTEN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! THE AMOUNT OF LINES SHE HAS MAKES ME WANNA CRY OKAY THIS PART RIGHT HERE............................. PLS.............. (i think its just me but theres a smaller voice singing like right under her voice????) HER PRE-CHORUS PARTS ARE LITERALLY THE BEST PARTS IN THE WHOLE SONG TO LISTEN TO pls believe me when i say this its NOT bc shes my ultimate bias like i genuinely like her parts the most

sua pls i was already prepared for softer vocals and you really gave that to me and then this is absolute perfection they were beautiful and amazing OF COURSE got me feeling like i was floating on actually clouds god TAHNK YOU AND THEN YOU JUST HAD TO HIT ME WITH YOUR PART RIGHT HERE???? i understand its just the chorus but I Felt That™ okay!!!!!!

JIU!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! i stand by saying how your voice be powerful as hell still even during these lines VERY short but VERY effective and very good leading into the chorus i love- and then your bridge....................... B I C T H really put me in my feelings but i welcome it with EVERY FIBER OF MY BEING and with open arms.......................

YOOHYEON AKA THE OTHER QUEEN OF SINGING CHORUSES I MEAN..................................... I LITERALLY DUNNO WHAT TO SAY!!!!!!!!!!! LIKE THEIR BEAUTIFUL SOUNDING HER VOICE GOES WELL WITH THEM like i really like the parts she sings after siyeon like................. Y O O F if a feather became a voice-

i need more dami too..................... P L E A S E like obviously with their other songs i was expecting dami to be in the second verse and with a smooth rap section and the former was correct HOWEVER to my pleasant surprise SHE SANG!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! her singing voice suited this SO MUCH and im actually glad there wasnt a rap part at all in this song especially that SECOND PART.................. Heaven™ 2x

my favorite lyrics (x): i know i said handongs were my favorite to listen to but i like these lines dont hurt me

난 이 숨결이 허락되는 날까지 As long as I can breathe 다신 너를 놓을 수 없어 I can’t let go of you again 우린 모든 순간 함께 할 테니 We’ll be together for every moment 내 곁에서 beside me

THE DANCE OKAY IM GONNA DO SOMETHING DIFFERENT ill be referring to THIS PERFORMANCE can we pls talk about how loud the fanchant is im crying and really take it in and all of their talented glory ANYWAY OF COURSE the choreography F UKCING SLAPS just so many different position changes and just alwaYS SO IN SYNC WITH EACH OTHER ITS INSANE ill just list them briefly and keep the points short this is long enough:

THE BEGINNING AND THE END BEING THE SAME...................... CERTAINLY DEJA VU-

SIYEONS TUTTING THING THANKS

handongs majestic spin

this and this with how the formation changes and how their arms swing AND the kick

ALSO in those parts in the last bullet i dunno why but i like that move jiu does when she sings IT HITS

i recall sua spoiling literally the first move of the chorus dance in that vlive THE CHORUS DANCE ALL THOSE FORMATION CHANGES LITERALLY MESS ME UP and THIS most important move in the entire choreography and they line up and its SO COOL to look at

when they lie on each other doing yoohyeons lines

handongs part again when theyre in the line and how satisfying it is to watch

THE ENTIRE BRIDGE

LITERALLY THE ENTIRE DANCE FROM START TO FINISH

QUEENS OF STABILITY

sidenote: can we talk about how handong and dami?????? literally spin during their parts????? and they sounded super clear??????

THE VISUALS SO.......................... if you had asked me two days ago (maybe a little bit of yesterday) about how i felt about this video.................. i wouldve mentioned some unpopular opinions regarding the videos look............ i mentioned to gwen @loonapunk that i wasnt TOO into it............ BUT- after finally sitting down to do this long ass post i dont hate it!!!!!!!!!!!! i think bc i have to remind myself that this song (album???? well song-) is for that kings raid game and all the visuals AND story are based off that????? i dunno BUT WHAT I DO KNOW IS I LIKE TO WATCH IT

IM TOO BIG STUPID™ TO COMPREHEND THIS STORYLINE AND COME UP WITH MY OWN THEORIES EVEN NOW AND I WOULD L O V E TO EXPLAIN IT TO YOU BUT THIS IS LONG ENOUGH AS IT IS SO ILL REDIRECT YOU TO THEORY POSTS (TWO (2) FROM MY GALAXY BRAIN MOOTS) THAT I LIKED:

@highsomnia NITAS POST WHICH I PERSONALLY FOUND ENJOYABLE TO READ SO IF YOU COULD READ THIS YOU SHOULD ALSO READ THAT

@in-somnias ELENAS POST WHICH WAS ALSO AN INTERESTING READ RIGHT HERE

AND THEN THIS ONE THAT WAS ORIGINALLY FROM TWITTER i dont follow her so im not gonna @

AIIGHT IMMA GO CRAZY WITH THESE SHOTS (with only small one/two sentence captions this is LONG ENOUGH):

BICTH I SAW THIS AND KNEW I WAS GONNA GET GOT™ like its just super duper INCREDIBLY PRETTY TO LOOK AT

THIS WILL BE FOREVER ICONIC™ DONT ARGUE WITH ME

this is what the calm before the storm looks like

went back to the mv film making video and turns out they got slippers on under that table love that for them

how in the hell am i supposed to interpret this exchange

okay longer section i think im supposed to interpret this more as a sister bond than a romantic one?????? i remember being taken aback and believed this to be something gay BUT 99.9% OF INSOMNIAS say its gay subtext so ill just put it like that i dunno but like i just wanna say they have beautiful smiles and im love them!!!

a youtuber reacting to this mv saying it just looks like theyre shading each other.................... anyway-

i CANNOT i repeat I CANNOT EXPRESS TO YOU how Shook™ i was when i saw this for the first time i basically jumped out of my chair i couldnt i-

this mv really led me to believe jiu was the evil one.............................

POETIC. CINEMA.

THE WOMAN. THE MYTH. THE LEGEND. THE FIREBENDER. THE WOLF. LEE SIYEON. pls light me up

Symbolism™................ SYMBOLISM I CANNOT COMPREHEND GO TO THE THEORIES

MORE SYMBOLISM GO TO THE THEORIES

T H E M

NOT ONLY IS THIS VIDEO SUPER AESTHETIC™ BUT THE SEVEN (7) MOST BEAUTIFUL WOMEN IN THE WORLD BLESSING US ONCE AGAIN WITH THEIR PRESENCE AND ALLOWED THEIR ROYALTY VIBES SHOOT INTO THE MESOSPHERE INTO REAL LIFE KILLING ALL OF US

THE DANCING SCENES WITH THE TEASER OUTFITS...................................... AT EASE.....................

LITERALLY NO COMPLAINTS MOVING ON:

JIU

L I S T E N KIM MINJI YOURE A FULL PRINCESS this pink fluffy dress with the flower crown in this picture............................ i may have cried- like a lot of people were trying this look to persephone and im HERE for that concept for her and like the white outfit AND black outfit is probably super symbolic again im too Big Stupid™ anyway when i saw that black outfit in the teaser........................... i was attacked jiu with a sword is just EVERYTHING i wanted and more

SUA

LITERALLY I CANNOT- her hair being wavy looks SO GOOD on her THIS BLACK DRESS WITH THE FLOWERS she is always a Serve™ WE KNOW THAT but her visuals just HIT DIFFERENT this time lighter colored hair really suits her and then of course she looks FAN-FREAKING-TASTIC in the dance scenes in the white and the black that low pony tail pls

SIYEON

purple on this woman just shoulders and collarbones out being Beautiful™ ALL THE WHILE staying ON BRAND with herself and was wearing pants good for her G O D i just love the way her hair looks in the white and gold outfits like it just LOOKS PRETTY to me i dunno how to describe it also her with a pony tail WHAT ARE YOU SO PRETTY FOR-

HANDONG

i just................... want closer shots of this.................. CLOSER SHOTS IN GENERAL OF HER ACTUALLY like LOOK HOW BEAUTIFUL™ SHE LOOKS HERE I WANNA SEE MORE OF IT??????? PLS??????? nothing gets me weaker than her hair being styled exactly like in the picture i just love that her royalty and regal vibes and looks were FINALLY realized and WAS BROUGHT TO THE FOREFRONT

YOOHYEON

THIS MV MUST CONVINCE ME SHE IS EVIL BY SHOWING HER FOREHEAD first of all the first outfit turning her into an Actual Entire Princess™/Queen™ that red one i dont really understand SHE MAKES IT WORK THO THEN THAT BLACK OUTFIT LISTEN yo it was like getting hit by a whole truck full speed i wasnt ready and i just wanna admire that yoohyeon and gray colored hair is an actual match made in heaven i just have to say-

DAMI

i love this suit and the patten on it so much this outfits color (what is that teal????) and her hair color is such a GOOD PAIRING and on her SHE JUST KILLED ME WITH HER SOLO SCENES i wish i had more to say about her and her outfits but what else can i say other than that she is INSANELY ATTRACTIVE AND I WANT HER TO STEP ON ME???????

GAHYEON

she really broke my neck when i saw her the first time LIKE DEADASS LOOK AT THIS PICTURE i had fallen for her and i cannot get up when i saw this outfit in the other shots like the black top and the see through sleeves but her skirt is like different colors she really Served™ in this outfit bangs usually look cute but in her solo parts she was coming for my heart like miss lee gahyeon pls-

BONUS TIME: B-SIDE TRACKS (just short thoughts and point out specific parts i liked lmao)

Intro:

their intros always slap are you kidding me-

The curse of the Spider

i wasnt ready for this bop to slap me in the face on my spotify that chorus didnt have to do that to me THAT GUITAR DIDNT HAVE TO DO THAT TO ME i love the way dami and handong sound in this song i mean wrow-

favorite lyrics (x):

소름이 끼칠 만큼 It’s chilling 도망치고 싶어질 it makes me want to run away 그런 두려움일 테니 such is this fear

Silent Night

B I H C T i knew when i heard this in the highlight it was going to be my favorite one IT REALLY WOKE SOMETHING IN ME these lyrics i cant- gahyeon and handong hurted me with their lower registers Y AL L YOU KNOW WHAT ELSE HURTED ME THAT D R O P DID

favorite lyrics (x):

겨눈 칼 끝은 a blade directed at someone 결국 돌아오게 돼 eventually returns 더 다가오지 마 don’t come closer

Polaris

this song is as if i was wrapped in the thickest blanket i got and im resting on the softest bed in the world with a fireplace going nearby and i could finally rest peacefully bc the lord knows i need it- i really cried a little bit listening to this pls leave me be i legit cant pick a specific member i liked the most for this song i just love it and everything it got

favorite lyrics (x):

그게 너라서 행복해 I’m happy that it’s you 그 많은 인연 속에 Among those numerous connections 수많은 사람 중에 Among those numerous people

LIKE im so completely satisfied with every song on this album and im completely in love with it!!!!!!!!!! the only ‘issue’ i really had was with the mv visually but as you read i warmed up to it lmao LIKE IM JUST SO PROUD OF THESE WOMEN AND HOW TALENTED AND HARDWORKING THEY ARE like i have to say the japanese release?????? and this????? being so close to each other????? you telling me they learned TWO (2) different choreographies one after the other???? i absolutely love this album and i desperately desperately DESPERATELY want so much more success for them bc ITS WHAT THEY DESERVE!!!!!!!!!!!!! this is supposed to be just about the overall mv and deja vu but i might as well just type what i feel lmao

IN CONCLUSION: MY INSOMNIA ASS IS BOTH ALIVE AND DEAD BUT MOSTLY ALIVE I LOVE THIS IM STREAMING

i have to bring this back its relevant again:

[dpargyle]

Thoughts on the Last Jedi

OMGs so many spoilers!!!!! Also it gets a lil NSFW and super dweeby at the end…. (proceed at your own risk)

So I just got back from The Last Jedi and -

I have so many EMOTIONS!!!

Lemme at least attempt to go through this chronologically…

“The First Order reigns.”  I got goosebumps from that opening sentence of the opening crawl.  It was like, yup – pretty much the feeling in the real world rn too hahahaha *sobs*

That whole opening space battle scene – ahhhh!!!!  I loved so much about it – I especially loved how quickly Rian Johnson (the writer/director) was able to establish Paige Tico’s character – make the audience care about her and then boom she’s gone and I knew she was a goner as soon as they introduced her at Celebration but still it hit me right in the feels – like damn the sacrifices the Resistance is forced to make

At long last we got back to Rey and Luke on Ahch-To and I love how he doesn’t even say anything – he just flips the lightsaber over his shoulder like “thanks, I hate this!”

And then Rey follows him around like an adorable lost puppy for days and days and days and I was like awwww!

Speaking of which – I really liked how Daisy Ridley played Rey this time around – not so naïve (although I loved happy go-lucky, plucky Rey from the Force Awakens) – but she’s grown now – she’s seen some shit – and so as a result her character is a little more galaxy-wise and wary – which I think fits – though we see some of that lighter Rey sprinkled throughout the narrative – the “reach out” moment which I thought was pretty damn hilarious…

As for the new characters – oh my – how I love Rose.  She’s this fan girl who’s suddenly grieving and then one of her heroes shows up and she’s all ready to fangirl but then he severely disappoints her but she doesn’t even hesitate – she stuns him – like yeah, she’s excitable and incredibly sad but she’s still gonna do her damn job and I loved it.  And we see her grow and mature throughout the film and learn to trust Finn again – and the end where she saves him and then she says “we can’t fight what we hate – we have to save what we love” and then she snogs him and I was like HELLLS YES!  What a bad. Ass. Character.. I love her.  #protec I already liked the sorts of things Kelly Marie Tran was saying from the press tour – but she brought this character to life and now I have EMOTIONS.  

So yeah, I’m totally on the FinnRose ship now since Disney are cowards and Stormpilot is never gonna be a thing ☹ (though I did appreciate when Finn and Poe finally meet up again Finn literally squirts on Finn lmao (I’m sorry I have a dirty mind!)  so I think that’s the closest we’re ever gonna get hahaha)

I loved how Canto Bight really illustrated this incredible gap between rich and poor – so similar in our own world right now – and Rose’s rage at this injustice – “I just wanna punch straight through this beautiful, ugly terrible town.”  (First off – what a line.  Second off that sounds like something Leslie Knope might say hahahaha) Rose was given some of the best and most poignant lines.  

Also – the focus on the little children slaves – fuck, that was crushing.  And the Fathiers – how their coats were bleeding from the whips and the lashes – damn all so heartbreaking.  I’ll get back to the little slave boy at the end – as I think there’s so much going on in that final scene.

Back to the Force montage on Ahch-To with Luke & Rey – damn I love how Johnson elaborated on the Force – showing us what Rey was seeing – such beauty.  Such resonance.  Kinda reminded me of those BBC nature documentaries (The Planet, etc…) – the beauty and savagery of nature – personified in the Force – ughh so frikken powerful.

As for Luke – his scene with Artoo was the best.  Artoo shows him young Leia pleading for Obi-Wan and Luke’s all like “you’re not playing fair” and Artoo basically gives him this shit eating grin and oh gods so good – this is why Artoo continues to be my fave. Character.  He is the best.  Doesn’t even have to say anything.  Like yes!  Damn! Ughhh!

Then Luke’s scene with Yoda’s force ghost!!! As soon as you saw that little profile and the ears I was internally going like !@@!#$%&^%!@#$%%@$ and then he just blows up the tree like HaShem in Exodus and you’re like lmao – and he literally tells Luke “Rey has all the knowledge from the Jedi Texts with her already” – then if you fast forward all the way to the very end of the movie when everyone is on the Falcon – Finn is rummaging through a bunch of drawers and if you blinked you missed them – but the texts were in there!  Rey up and stole them hahaha – amazing!  And Yoda knew too!  Ugghhhhhhh I love these characters!

Alright.  Now on to the really big stuff.

Holy crap. Snoke is dead.  HAHAHAHA!  Ren turned out to be the BIG BAD of this trilogy.  I guess I shoulda seen that coming, but tbh I was absolutely gut-wrenched. I thought he and Rey would join forces and become gray force users and have babies and it would be beautiful, but it was not to be.  When they were fighting Snoke’s red guards I thought that would happen but then Ren is so full of hate and greed he can’t see anything else – he’s dead inside.  He can’t see a path to redemption.  He doesn’t even ask for forgiveness.

Yes, I know – for the last several months I have been a Reylo.  I really wanted them to get together.  And when they were force-touching hands I really thought they would – but then this asshole goes and

Decides to tell Rey she’s nothing????  Like what? No.  No, no, no.  You don’t tell someone they’re trash but they mean everything to you.  Like I sorta get what he’s trying to say but he’s being super manipulative.  Is that what gaslighting is?  

Like fine you murdered Han Solo.  You blew up Akbar.  AKBAR! But you will not insult Rey.  No.  That is crossing a line.  Maybe he wasn’t even consciously doing it – maybe he thought he was praising her – but really he was just trying to convince her she’s nothing without him.  He allowed his rage to rule him.  

I’m sorry people who still might see them together – but I no longer do.  Rey doesn’t need Kylo’s bullshit.  She gave him a chance at redemption and he denied her.  She realized she can’t save him – and I think that’s an incredibly valuable lesson to teach young girls.

I’m sorry if that offends some people on the Tumblrs – and you’re totally entitled to your opinion – I’m not gonna be a dick about it (it’s not my way) – but respect that I’ve changed my mind.  

As a side note – I think it’s kind of hilarious how whoever the hell Snoke was and who Rey’s parents were don’t even matter!  All those theories!  All the mental anguish we put into discovering how everything connects to older characters!  But it doesn’t.  Ha!  We deserve it!

Luke made a mistake trying to take out Kylo, no doubt, but Kylo has to be responsible for his own actions.  I think that’s what Johnson was trying to say – sure he might have been neglected, abused, and then manipulated by Snoke – but ultimately he had the power to choose – and like so many young men in this day and age – Ben has chosen hate.  Rey has chosen hope.

And I choose Rey’s path.  

The darkness might reign right now.  But the light is strong.  And it can burn in us all, if only we allow it to ignite within us.    

Sure, the Jedi have a legacy of failure.  But as Yoda said, “Failure is the best teacher.”  Don’t I know it.  Failure is painful.  Failure sucks.  But that doesn’t mean we burn it all down.  We can rebuild.  We can grow. We can make new the old.

The Jedi can live again.

And that gives me great hope, kids.  

Great Hope.      

And now, Luke and Leia.  

I….

I can’t even…

This woulda been emotional enough with Carrie Fisher still with us – but now that she’s gone…

“Nobody’s really gone.” – Luke.  That last conversation – just the two of them – Oh man, I’m not a crier but sometimes I wish I was.  So powerful. So important.  So cathartic.  Funny. Sad.  Bittersweet reconciliation.  Imperfect people, imperfect goodbye – but a perfect scene.

I feel like we all needed that.  Or I did anyway.  

And then….Luke dies.

Luke dies?

Luke Skywalker. Is gone.

What?  No!  How?

Feels like I’ve known him my whole life – cuz I have.  Like he’s a real person and the myth he became all at once.  Who was one of the ones who taught us the power of forgiveness.  To let go of hate.

And now he’s gone?

I know, I know, I sound ridiculous – he’s not a real person and it’s just a movie and you’re probably all rolling your eyes and saying “bundles you’re being such a dweeb rn” but damn it! stories matter.  Characters matter.  Words matter. Words have power.  

Star Wars is a great myth of our time.  The saga of the Skywalkers is our Arthuriana.  From Anakin to Rey – this is our Trojan War.  Luke is our Achilles.  

And now he’s gone? When he disappeared watching those two setting suns (gods what great cinematography) it was like a gut punch.  Like fuuuuuuuuuuuuck what now?  

How do we go on?

I think Johnson gives us an answer – look to the past – look to the future – to the balance – to the cycle –

Which brings me to that final poignant scene -

The slave boy on Canto Bight.  As with Anakin Skywalker all those years ago – he’s a force user (pulling that broom to his hand ala Mickey Mouse in Fantasia) and he’s staring up at the stars and dreaming….he embodies, with his phoenix-inspired Rebel insignia ring – the rebirth of hope – of the rebellion – of the resistance – of the beautiful broken dream that were the Jedi – he is Johnson.  He is all of us.  From Anakin all the way to this slave boy.  And the story repeats.  The cycle continues.  

The myth lives on. Hope lives on.  And if the myth lives on, well then so does Luke – “nobody’s really gone…”

I love Star Wars.

I love stories.

[its2019lol]

Kingsman: The Golden Circle (Review)

I felt the need to write this because I have a lot to say about it.

Needless to say........SPOILERS AHEAD AND DON'T READ IF YOU HAVEN'T SEEN THE FILM AND DON’T WANNA BE SPOILED!

Okay so this isn't gonna be in any proper format, so there's that.

I had been waiting for this movie for a while and I'm truly indifferent of whether of not it lived up to my expectations.

The first sequence with Eggsy and Charlie fighting was so rushed and really random to me. I think it was just used as a sequence to possibly wake the audience up lol

Merlin’s character development and extra screen time was so rewarding.

Tilde is a cute and good gf protect her tbh. Her smoking the joint while refusing to text Eggsy back was the most relatable content in this movie.

Although this movie had its flaws, I will give it this. THE COMEDY WAS GOLD. So many endless clever sequences such as the bit where Eggsy has dinner with Tilde's parents and the bits with Elton John. I laughed so hard at some points that my sides were hurting.

This film confirmed all my headcannons about dating Eggsy and I'm gonna be forever in my feelings about it.

I like that even though Eggsy's status has changed and even though now he is a bonafide spy, he never lost sight of what's truly important and stayed close to his original friends. The scene where he's having a drink and hanging out with Tilde and his friends was so cute :(

BUT THE FUCKERY THAT FOLLOWED HOLY SHIT

They brought the new friend in for like 0.005 seconds just to kill him AND JB. The first of many heartbreaks this film gave me.

ROXY'S DEATH WAS THE MOST UNNECESSARY THING ON THE FACE OF THIS EARTH

At least the last thing Eggsy said to her was call her his best friend </3

Eggsy and Merlin getting drunk off the whiskey in the safe and it took them until they reached the end of the bottle to realize what it said: big mood.

And they went to America LOL

I’m sorry but Channing Tatum and Jeff Bridges’ characters were......irrelevant. However, I still enjoyed them and Tequila’s first meeting with Eggsy and Merlin was HILARIOUS. 

Now.......Poppy..... See.....

I liked how ruthlessly insane they made her, but I disliked how easily they were able to kill her. Valentine was such a braw to the death and then with this.......Eggsy just stabbed her in the neck and she died......if anything, Charlie was more of a strong villain in the movie than Poppy was. I guess they used the trope of a villain who has all their henchmen do shit for them, but I just thought the way she was killed off was way too easy. 

BUT OMG I love the aesthetics of all of Poppy Land tbh

Speaking of Poppy and Poppy Land, gotta love them unnecessary cannibalism like......??? Thanks we get it shock value 

The gadgets of the statesman were bomb af I was proud of that

GINGER ALE AND WHISKEY OK 

I love them both

Ginger Ale was so intelligent and an amazing character over all 

IM SO HAPPY SHE’S A FIELD AGENT NOW

I hope they add more amazing statesman like her in the future, especially woc

#JUSTICEFORWHISKEY because the whole part about him being a double agent and turning against them was bullshit

You’re gonna kill off the only brown man in the movie and demonize him in the process?? Sorry that just doesn’t sit well with me.  

It’s not like he didn’t have a reason to do what he did?????

His high school sweetheart got caught in the cross fire between meth heads at a ....I think he said ...convenience store?? But regardless, experiencing that would definitely scar him and make him have a different attitudes about drug users so....? wtf

I did truly enjoy Harry’s storyline in this, it surprised me. I like the whole element that the statesmen can bring people back to life from a head shot, like FUCK IT UP

Harry’s butterfly spacing out moments was hilarious 

EGGSY HELPING HIM REGAIN HIS MEMORY WITH MR. PICKLES WAS SO SMART ILY EGG

The blue vein thing freaked me out and every i see a vein pop up on my skin I’m gonna be paranoid now thanks 

Action sequences/car chases bore me in general so tbh I didn’t pay attention to those.......sorry.......

and last..........but CERTAINLY not least....

MERLIN.

WHAT THE FUCK. 

HOW DID THEY FUCKING KILL OF MERLIN 

I legit sobbed for 15-20 minutes in the theater after it happened

I’m not joking

My friend can testify to this

And the way he died was so emotional, how he sacrificed himself for eggsy and harry :(

I’m rly pissed about this bc the three ppl that were killed in this movie were a woman, a brown man and the only canonically gay character in this franchise. 

UMMMMM?? NO.

But on a lighter note, Eggsy’s wedding with Tilde was sweet and I’m glad her and his other friend were able to be saved. 

He’s legit a prince now and he’s also a spy. Goddamn. 

In conclusion, I did enjoy the film overall, I just feel like too many things were done for shock value and it made the plot lack. But again, this is just my opinion so!

[littlespoonevan]

27 and 28

27. best review you ever got

ok shoutout to @smores100 for destroying my heart ten million times over with their comments. literally every one left me speechless but we’ll go with this one on chapter 7 of TLDITM:

OH MY GOD *hangs head between knees and whispers softly* oh my god. You know that scene where Isak gets that text from his mom, and he’s just sitting there in bed looking at his phone crying, and then holds it to his chest and sighs and cries some more? LITERALLY ME from the second Isak started singing. All this time I thought Even would be the one serenading Isak, didn’t see this coming! I thought it was so sweet of him and such a loving idea to try and sing him to sleep, overcoming his embarrassment and doing whatever it takes to help him. But taking advantage of the opportunity to confess his love by song, just like Even had talked about? And singing THAT song??? It’s one of my favorite songs ever, the second he started singing is the second I started crying istg. He’s so brave and has the most beautiful soul. This whole scene with him holding Even tightly, carding his fingers through his hair, singing him to sleep while also confessing his love…LISTEN, I’ve told you a million times what an amazing writer you are and how much I love everything you write, but you just took this to a whole new level. This is honestly one of the most beautiful most moving scenes I’ve ever read in my life. idk how you did it, but you just hit me RIGHT IN THE FEELS with this part. If this is the scene that inspired this story and the one you’ve been most nervous about writing, then know you have NOTHING to be nervous about because you did it justice, and then some

I know you said we can yell at you for this, and I see people already have lol, but I’m actually perfectly ok with where you left things because I just feel so happy and content? Isak finally found the courage to confess his love and is feeling lighter for it, Even obviously heard him and understood what he was trying to say (he went completely still, his breath hitched and he cuddled even closer! c'mon y'all, ofc he heard and knows!), and most importantly, Even felt soothed and comforted enough that he was able to fall asleep. Even getting a good night sleep has always been one of the most important things to me, I honestly got so emotional when I realized he fell asleep (I’m such a mess bc of you that even “Goodnight, Even” made me cry) that I ain’t even mad. Let the boy sleep, they’ll talk things over (and kiss! THEY’RE GONNA KISS RIGHT???) in the morning

A few other things I loved, tho honestly it’s this entire chapter:- Isak during this whole chapter. How lovingly he took care of Even, letting him know he wouldn’t have been a burden (“I would’ve done it for you” stab me), holding and cuddling him to sleep (“I’m not the usually the one being held” “Feels nice, doesn’t it?” you already started killing me here thanks), staying home with him (“I think this is the kind of day off we deserve right now” this is so soft welp), making him smile, nuzzling his nose (!!!), giving him his best pillow (he did that a few chapters ago and I totally forgot to comment on it, but I noticed and I cooed!!!), waiting for him after class and keeping him company…just literally everything he does in this chapter is soft and pure and caring. THERE’S SO MUCH LOVE IN THAT GRUMPY TEENAGE BODY OF HIS, I love him *cries*- LITTLE SPOON EVEN!!! so much little spoon Even!!! Just when you think all the cuddling couldn’t get any better, you give me little spoon Even. So lovely, so important.- “I took your hoodie because I liked the smell. It kind of felt like you were with me when I was at my parents’ house.” He knew he’d miss him and he wanted something to remind him of him bc it comforts him, meanwhile Isak’s over here sniffing his pillow and bed sheets like a junkie *ded*- Supportive and loving Eskild and boy squad, they love Isak so much, it’s so relatable, bless them

I’m probably missing stuff but asjshadjsk rereading the chapter wasn’t the best idea because now I’m too busy crying again to think of what else I want to tell you so just tl;dr this was the most beautiful chapter yet, and you continue to write them and their relationship so perfectly and beautifully. I can’t wait for the next and last chapter, even though it’s going to be so bittersweet because I don’t want this to end. Go on and take my breath away, I’m ready

28. worst review you ever got

i don’t really wanna link bc i don’t wanna read it again but it’s on chapter 5 of cut and rewind if you wanna look it up. basically the person very much Didn’t like that i diverged from canon and told me my editing was “weak” and that they didn’t like even making a scene (which he wasn’t) and that he wouldn’t condone kicking out the balloon squad (which isn’t what happened but anyway) and that it didn’t make sense for even to let isak’s “clueless friends” see him when he was having a panic attack (even though he’s been friends with them for 6 months) 

that comment honestly really got to me because that chapter is probably the one i’m most proud of in the whole fic, particularly that final scene because i’d worked so incredibly hard on it, so to have someone kind of tear it down like that without even trying to understand what was happening really hurt. but what can you do! ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

send me a number!!!

[lia-nikiforov]

Weekly Anime Ra...mblings?

Once upon a time, in a faraway land, I decided to finally start using a Tumblr account I’d created ages ago just so tumblr would let me look at more Free gifs. And the reason I decided to give actual use to this long abandoned account was that I wanted a space to talk about and discuss and engage about the seasonal anime I’m watching, hence why I had this little feature very unoriginally called “Weekly Anime Ranking”, basically listing my favorite and least favorite episodes of the week.

After a few seasons I realized it wasn’t very feasible to write a little paragraph of all 14-20 shows I was watching on a weekly basis, not to mention that I felt I wasn’t really enjoying the episodes because I was constantly thinking of what I’d say in the review and trying to find a good screenshot to use etc etc. Besides, I wasn’t getting a lot of engagement/discussion out of them, ‘cept for that one time the typemoonies got mad at me for hating rape-enabler Archer :’D.

So recently I thought doing a lighter format with just randomly commenting on moments from this week’s episodes that stood out to me instead of forcing myself to find something to say about every single episode could be more fun and this week I had a lot of thoughts that I wanted to vent! So let’s get it started and see how this feels

The first thing I kinda want to talk about is Centaur no Nayami which is one of the most tonally bizarre shows I’ve watched in a while. It’s oddly political but in a noncommitant, fait accompli manner that I find quite strange because it’s not really clear what they’re trying to say at this point.

But what I want to talk about for this episode is this group lesbian vaginal examination because I am so confused.

For context, Hime is commenting on how one time a boy made fun of her asking her if her vagina looked like a cow’s udder, so her two friends agree to show her their vaginas and look at hers to appease her insecurities –due to her centaur anatomy, she has no way of looking herself- and hence this scene.

On the one hand the show’s been pretty upfront about its lesbian characters so far, but I’m so puzzled as to why we had to dedicate 10 minutes of the show to girls looking at each others’ vaginas. In concept it sounds grossly fetishistic, but in execution it’s weirdly non-sexual so I’m… not sure what to make of it??? Is it being critical of how society fabricates reasons to make girls feel self-conscious about their bodies? Is it just trying to be kinky? What is your deal, show?

I think we’ll never know so let’s move on to another strange thing:

So… why is anime getting it on with my lord and savior Quetzalcóatl?

For those who don’t know, Quetzalcóatl is a nahuan (not exclusively Aztec, the Aztecs –which are more properly called Mexica but I digress- were one of many Nahuan peoples) god also known as the Feathered Serpent and is one of –if not the most- important deities in the Nahuan pantheon. Prehispanic Mexican deities pretty much never get portrayed in anime beyond a swashbuckler mixture of sorta Aztec sorta Mayan imagery and “human sacrifices” anecdotes, but in the past half year I’ve seen two references to Quetzalcóatl –as a dragon in MaiDragon and now in Centaur both in mention and also appearing as a new character that shares his name. There’s been some hints at a mystery surrounding the Antartican snakes sprinkled over the show and I’m just like… what are they gonna do with this I’m so confused.

And continuing with the theme of weird Mexico representation, now I kind of wanna bring up the episode everyone’s talking about because it is such a glorious disaster I don’t even know what to say? I think this screencap says it all tbh

Vatican Miracle Examiner was one of my most anticipated shows of the season so it is a little disappointing that it’s becoming the meme of the season and that it deserves it to boot. What started as a potentially interesting -if unoriginal- mystery somehow became a clusterfuck of “exotic” catholicism/satanism that peaked with the revelation that the real life Gestapo official Heinrich Müller somehow smuggled Hitler’s cryogenized corpse into the Mexican jungle and used Hitler’s cryogenized sperm to inseminate two women in the hopes of bringing the second coming of the Fuhrer. There was also some satanic seances and drug-cult-child-sexual-abuse going on in the sidelines (probably the closest thing to actual Catholic church procedures all things considered) and it all culminates with our heroes defeating Hitler’s demonic son by burning him alive and setting him on fire through holy water...

Or was it?

This is so hilarious I can’t find the words. Am I supposed to interpret this as “catholic priests have so little faith in their own religion they carry sulfuric acid because they know holy water wouldn’t work for shit”?

By the way I’m very upset they didn’t do St. Catherine’s martyrdom right. I really wanted to see some dude shredded by a spiky wheel. The Saw franchise’s got nothing on them pre-millenial Catholics

On to less joyous things, Ballroom continues its merciless quest of not living up to its potential to the point I’m starting to believe Amazon’s exhaustive ad campaign and aggressive hype fabrication has actually hurt the show because people expected it to be so much more and it just... isn’t.

We also gotta talk about the animation... or lack thereof. Episode 4 ruined what was supposed to be an incredibly intense tango scene, not only by abusing still shots which is par for the course at this point, but also by committing the grievous sin of telling instead of showing. On my first watch I was so bothered by it that I timed it (loosely): out of a 4:13 minute long dancing scene, two minutes are spent on the actual dancing (and that’s counting the still frames, without them the actual animated dance is barely 50 seconds), whilst the remaining 2:13 minues (half of the scene!!!) are wasted on audience pans and commentary telling us how amazing Hyodo’s dance is. If it’s so amazing let me fucking see it

We also gotta talk about this fucking jerk:

Jerk guy that is actually not a jerk are a commonplace genre staple of shonen anime. THe problem here is that Sengoku has so far shown to be 100% a jerk with zero redeeming qualities and his jerkness crosses the line repeatedly. In particular the way he treats Shizuku is gross. He basically disrespects her in every possible way and never owns up to it and fucking calls her a skank for being reasonably upset and petty because no one talks to her and they treat her like decoration rather than the talented dancer she is and this fucker comes and slutshames her and it’s framed as a fucking joke. 

Actually all the men treat Shizuku like a trophy rather than a person and I hope they all die, none of them are worthy of her.

The last thing I want to talk about is Re:Creators because this week was yet another episode of Meteora talking for 25 minutes straight with some bonus “look at us, LN writers, we’re so great, we’re the bestest ever”. It’s kind of a less industry-insider Bakuman.  

Something I didn’t mention in my WonFes breakdown was that they showed photos of the Meteora Nendoroid as well as announced a scale which made me wonder because there is no indication any other character of the series is getting any figure treatment: is Meteora the Rem of this show? And most importantly: WHY. She’s literally the exposition mouthpiece and little more and if it were on me she would literally never talk again.

The only thing I got from Re:C this week was this:

English must be stopped 

Immediately.

[redspaceangst]

Hidden Angel

Aaah there’s like fifty fucking million trigger warnings in the beginning of this?? It was self indulgent angst-fluff, okay.

Title; Hidden Angel

Word count; 1298

Warnings: Graphic depictions of violence, allusions to past abuse, language

Rated; R. It’s technically angst-fluff but because of the dark shit it includes in the beginning, I’m rating it R.

Fandom; Voltron. Because that’s my current hyperfixiation. Send help.

Description; Another fight. Another screaming match gone too far. You find yourself wading in nothing but pain until your long-time s/o comes and finds you laying in the grass.

Aaah I kinda wanna make this into a series now? But like the rest is pure fluff.

IMMA TAG; @gizmocracy and I wanna tag Kor but my laptop won’t let me.

Another fight. Another screaming match. You’ve lost count of the times you’ve tried to calm them all down just to get dragged in- always during the worst of the fight. They’d turn on you, they’d start screaming at you, just like he did- oh god they’re just like him just likehim himhim him-

Hands shaking, you reached to your belt. You’d been given a knife- after much protest -to protect yourself with. At least, you had always said that was the plan. Originally. It was cold and heavy in your hands, an obvious weight almost… begging to be used. It just motivated you to pull up your shorts forcefully, ripping some of the seams slightly in your haste.

The blade was still stark and cold against your skin, it’s black colour shining back up at you, just causing you to push harder, deeper- as you lifted up the blade, blood bubbled up, beading gently until it started to drip.

You hadn’t done this in years. You almost forgot how good it felt in the moment. The second time you lowered the blade, you pushed lighter, your leg already in pain, stinging- god, it stung so much. But you couldn’t seem to stop yourself.

You’re useless.

All you do is drag this team down.

They don’t even need me, all I do is sit there and look ugly.

You’re a moron-

There was a soft curse behind you, causing you to jump up, knife now at the ready. Black eyes stared back at you, filled with worry.

He doesn’t actually fucking care, you idiot.

    The voice haunted your steps- your words. The voice was yours, and you almost sobbed. All you wanted was to be loved, but it never did work out that way, did it?-

    “What are you doing? I thought you would come to me if-”

    “What do you mean, you thought?” you sneered, anger creeping into your voice.

It was happening again. No, no no nononononono not again not again-

    “You never really cared in the first place,” your voice was still venomous as you continued, clutching the knife tightly as blood dripped down your leg, “I could see it in your eyes. You pity me. That’s why you guys keep me around, I’m useless. I’m fucking useless but you pity me.”

    “What? No, I-”

    “I don’t want to fucking hear it. Leave.” you were quick to shut him down, your vision too clouded by the demons to see the look of true sadness and despair in his eyes. The blood streaked down your leg as you forcefully whipped it, leaving an angry red streak to stand out on your pale skin.

    You stared in confusion and mock disgust as he just stepped closer, grabbing your arm with his mechanical hand. He meant business, you could tell as his eyes darkened and he tugged you close, a few warm droplets landing on your hand that rested in between you both, his grip tight but not painful. It grounded you to something more than the pain- he probably remembered. You were close enough to breathe in the smell of his suit, the strange smell of strange planets and a rich, almost pine tree like musk clinging to it. Tears gathered in your eyes and you fall forward, almost crumpling under his grip. He was quick to catch you, arms easily snaking around your waist to keep you up. You don’t notice the blood that’s rubbed into his armor when you give up, your entire body shaking.

    “I’m so fucking sorry, Takashi,” you breathe out, voice weak and stuttering, “I’m so sorry I wasn’t strong enough again-”

    He’s tucking you to his chest tighter, and you stop. You don’t need to say anything more. He forgives you.

    “This is a hard disorder to live with. I understand that. It doesn’t help that those two are always fighting. You can come to me, alright? It’s only fair since I come to you.” he’s whispering softly, but you can still feel the truth in his words, and it makes you cry harder. You didn’t want to burden him-

    “And don’t even think for a second you’re burdening me. When we went on that date all those years ago, it meant you have a meaning. A meaning more important than any of the little stresses in my life, okay? We look out for each other. That’s the way we work. If you need help, we’re all here to help,” he pauses, pressing a soft, barely there kiss to your head, “When we decided to make you a part of the team, we knew we had a use for you. Your use to is to be our friend. If it wasn’t for you, we’d be struggling even more right now. It’s not fair for you to take on this burden, but you’re always so willing to help, to feel useful in some way- and I want to tell you that you are.

God, you are so fucking useful that I really don’t think I could live my life without you. You’ve been with me for, well, who knows how long now? I know since I was a kid. I’ve lost count. You’ve been with me since before I even went on that mission. You stayed loyal to me all the time that I was gone. And even now, you stay loyal to me.

I’m still trying to understand how you even came into my life, how I ended up so lucky to find you. You’re amazing. You’re patient. You’re kind. You’re beautiful. You’re everything. I know you can’t see it, but I hope you trust me enough to know that at least in my eyes, you’re perfect. Even with all the scars and bruises on your body, you’re perfect. Even when you force your anger to hide your weakness, you’re perfect. You’re everything I could’ve dreamed of and more.”

    Sobs wrack your body by the time he’s finished, whispering “thank you” repeatedly under your breath. You were asking yourself now, too, how you had managed to end up so lucky, to be in such an amazing man’s arms as he whispered sweet things into your ear, for once finally not jumping back from a touch to your arms, now reveling in it. You finally felt comfortable. He’d lived through so much, his hands were so rough, his body was so different from then- but under all that, was a hidden angel.

You hear a few footsteps, a little bickering, and you know at least two of the other team members are walking up behind you two. The man in front of you takes the moment he can and presses a soft kiss to your lips, hand now reaching down to help your body hinder the blood flow. The sudden reminder of the sting has you gasping softly, face crunching up into a slight grimace. His hands caused goosebumps to rise on your skin, his hand like a sheet of ice against your originally warm thigh.

    The bickering behind the two of you falls silent as they take in the scene, probably reading it to be a bit more obscene than it is.

    “What the fuck…?” the shorter of the two newcomers whispers, eyebrows scrunching up as he elbowed the taller one next to him. He gives a loud exclamation and the two adults laugh, just shaking their heads. The exclamation has the last two running over, their helmets still on their heads due to them training. The tallest of the group tries to pull his off, but the one in blue has to reach up and help him, causing him to fall over. The entire group laughs.

    “How did I ever get so lucky to be a part of this team?”

[mitjo-deactivated]

Dean is an Abuser - Analysis

(tw: abuse, parental abuse, father abuse)

Note: Before anyone is like “Jenna u hav no idea wht ur talking abt” I am victim of parental, in this case fatherly, abuse. I just don’t want people to think I don’t know what I’m talking about and think I’m flinging the word “abuse” all around willy nilly. So LETS GO

I love! Long Exposure! So much! Mars is AMAZING at storytelling, pacing, and her characters are so easy to love? I love them? She’s amazing, please go tell her that!!

And now while all of us Love Mitch, Jonas, Sid, etc there is the Other spectrum with characters like Dean and Neil that we’re SUPPOSED to hate! And Mars is doing a spectacular job showing how the audience is Not supposed to side with them.

But, from an outsider perspective that doesn’t know subtle signs of abuse, I can understand why it doesn’t click right away that Dean is supposed to be an abuser. While there are those who dislike him, I sense some hesitancy calling Dean a downright abuser, and well STRAP IN because he is.

ALSO DIDN’T PROOF READ IT CAUSE I’M LAZY

Warning for some spoilers too if you haven’t caught up to the comic.

I’m aware that people may have “expectations” when hearing the word abuse. Furthermore, parental abuse, and usually, it’s associated with Physical Abuse. Which yes! It is a type of abuse that some children, unfortunately, go through. But there is more than just one type of abuse which branches off into Dean’s abuse, which is emotional, psychological, and verbal.

I’m gonna state this right now- Abuse isn’t a competition. Just because there are “much more worse cases” of abuse, that doesn’t mean anything. No victim should be seen as less just because someone else “had it worse.” The fact that abuse happens at all is terrible and it shouldn’t turn into a game of “but my experience was worse than this.”

So with that in mind, let’s talk about Dean, his need to be in control, and his verbal/emotional/psychological abuse. Lets go to when we first are introduced to him

Our first real appearance of Dean takes place in the morning, after. Dean repeatedly calls for Jonas but gets no answer in return, in that way, Jonas is not complying and answering to Dean.

He is not being compliant and then we get this scene. Dean shoves Jonas to get his attention, then continuously berates him. I think it’s a scene a lot of us forget about because it’s one of the first few pages.

“Did you hear me calling you? Or were you just too lazy to answer?” - the significance of this line shows a lot of Dean’s personality already. He wants to be answered to, he doesn’t like when people aren’t obedient around him. He doesn’t outright say Jonas is lazy but he plants the idea in his head that he is. He’s angry that Jonas didn’t answer him, which means Dean lost control for a moment but he regains it by verbally berating Jonas. Basically stating “you listen to me.” WHICH, IS NOT GOOD PARENTING.

“After all I’ve done for you and your sister? You think it’s easy?” - ohh man here comes to guilt trip. Dean is being manipulative with this line. He’s playing the “I’ve done so much for you and this is how you treat me?” card. He is making Jonas feel guilty, talking down at him, silently calling him ungrateful while also putting himself on a higher pedestal. It’s not rash to translate his words to “I’ve done everything for you and your sister and you’re being a selfish ungrateful brat. It’s so hard doing this but I do it anyways so you give me respect.” Manipulative, guilt tripping, and berating, all signs of abuse.

“Answer me when I’m talking to you.” - while outside perspectives may not see this as a threat, people that have a grasp of abuse signs do see it as one. It’s a demand, and it has an underlying tone of being threatening.

There’s also the body language and artistic choice of clearly making Dean seem taller, bigger, a powerful presence that disturbs the atmosphere, while Jonas is weak, doesn’t look Dean in the eye, overall submissive and it’s a very unhealthy dynamic between father and son.

So our first page with Dean we already know; he’s a dick. Lets look further.

At the end of Chapter 1, Jonas receives a text message from Dean which makes him leave hastily.

Why is this so important?

Maybe I’m reading too much into it but this really resonated with me. The artistic choice of the panels spoke louder than words.

The beginning panel displays a message that Jonas is getting, but it’s very close up, it shows significance. Something abrupt, a disturbance.

Then the second panel, honestly, it could have done without it but the fact that it’s there is another big shot in the chest. We get Jonas’s expression, worried when before he was angry, so the shift in mood is prevalent and important. But it also arises a question, what made Jonas go from angry to instantly worried, and upset.

The third panel displays the message. “home. NOW.” And as someone with an abusive parent, those messages are Terrifying. It is a demand, no other questions asking of your well being or where you are, it is a demand to make you come home. It inflicts fear on the victim, telling them to immediately get out of there before it gets worse.

And the obliviousness of Mitch is particular painful because usually, outsiders don’t know what kind of fear your abusive parent has flooded you with in less than three words. But it’s equally gorgeous storytelling, and very beautiful showing how Dean is clearly in control and superior to Jonas.

While brief, I still like this panel a lot because it shows another element to Dean. Sure, sometimes kids go out and are in places where they shouldn’t be without their parents knowledge.

And yes, this does allow room for some kind of punishment I don’t like how unsettling this is. Jonas was off with Mitch, yes, they were breaking into a research facility HOWEVER, no one else knew that. It was supposed to be a “gathering information for a science project” kinda deal.

He wasn’t at some wild party, or doing stupid shit (besides trespassing and hopping a fence but no one knew that) But still, if you don’t tell Dean where you are, even if it’s to do a project, he’ll inflict fear and most likely punish you for not doing so.

AKA a huge dick.

So we already have signs of him verbally abusing Jonas by manipulating him, subtly calling him lazy, and giving him commands like “answer me if i’m talking to you” and “home. NOW.”

But lets be real.

We really wanna get into Chapter 3, where the abuse is so clear it’s painful. And I’m not talking about the dinner just yet.

RING THE ALARMS!!!

This!! IS EXTREMELY IMPORTANT!!! Jonas is actually talking about Dean in a negative light, he acknowledges that he isn’t the best dad but I love how he talks about him. He downplays Dean’s actions.

He starts off strong, “I know what it’s like to have a crappy dad” but quickly redacts it with uncertainty. He’s not taking back the statement but he’s also unsure about this opinion, undecided that Dean is a crappy dad, or if he’s normal and just so happens to be “pretty harsh.”

And this line, “He adopted me when nobody else wanted me though, so maybe I owe him.” THAT FOLKS, IS THE CAUSE OF DEAN’S MANIPULATION, PSYCHOLOGICAL ABUSE, AND GOAL AT IT’S FINEST.

We’ve seen from the beginning pages how Dean plays the “I’ve done so much for you” card and makes Jonas out to be the bad guy. Dean always compliments HIMSELF,  making him out to be such a great person who was there to father Jonas, and Jonas is the one being ungrateful. He’s psychologically conditioning Jonas to think Dean is superior and he is inferior and should respect him. 

Jonas believes he Owes Dean and WOOP, THAT’S NOT HOW PARENTING WORKS!! The child never owes the parent for BEING a parent, but Dean has conditioned him to believe that he should!

Moving on,

YYYYIIKKEESSS

What I adore here the most is how BRILLIANT mars executed Mitch meeting Dean for the very first time!!

The atmosphere changes DRASTICALLY. The page before was a bit more lighthearted, lighter shades of grey, and a background, but upon Dean entering, everything changes.

The children that were all mulling about having fun stop and look at Dean. Jonas and Mitch doing the same. They’re all turning to the one who is Superior. Dean is showing dominance, he is the control freak that changes the mood wherever he goes because he demands it.

And in the second panel it displays that even MORE with the dark colors, lack of background, and the intense gaze Dean shows. He is big, unapproachable, and clearly evil. Maybe a stretch but still, it’s an amazing introduction to a bad guy.

This part breaks my heart a lot because Dean doesn’t have to say Anything to make Jonas start talking.

Victims of abuse tend to try to explain themselves, A Lot. They try to explain their actions, why somethings the way it is, who they’re with, they ramble off immediately with their abuser not even having to say a word, instead just give them a look that has them panicked.

Jonas is starting to panic, he’s fearful of Dean, he doesn’t want to upset him and he wants to make sure if He’s okay with it.

What Dean is saying doesn’t sound... Threatening if you got it out of context.

It could be a genuine question from a curious parent but the way Dean is saying it, showing it, and expresses it, is very negative. But still, it’s a very causal question that Jonas feels the need to ramble about it Again.

Victims of abuse feel the need to explain themselves always, I can’t stress this enough.

It’s never “Oh yeah, we’re doing a project on the flood.” or “Yup, we were assigned as partners, that’s how the teacher does it.” Jonas has to go into detail, explaining what the project is, where he was, and why he was there, it can’t ever be a simple answer because Dean won’t condone that;.

Not to mention how jittery Jonas’s speech is, stuttering and the “uh” and ellipsis. He’s clearly nervous around Dean, especially with company.

This situation gradually gets worse with...

RED ALARMS RED ALARMS RED ALARMS

- Parental figure subtly insulting your weight

- Parental figure making a jab at your weight by insulting your eating habits

- Parental figure insinuating that because of you, you’re grossing people out due to your eating habits

- Parental figure being extremely subtle in wanting to control your eating habits by insulting and berating you in front of others, using said others as an excuse to humiliate you

People of all ages, this is emotional and subtle verbal abuse.

Not only that, but Jonas feels the need to Apologize for his behavior that didn’t need an apology! He’s so quick to believe Dean, thinking that what he’s saying is right and what he’s doing is wrong! It’s conditioning caused by psychological abuse!!!

You start to believe someone when they say it repeatedly to you because it becomes ingrained!!!

- HOMOPHOBIC!!!!!!!!!!! SHAMING JONAS!!!!! SHAMING BOTH JONAS AND MITCH AT THE IDEA THEY MIGHT BE MISTAKEN AS A COUPLE!!!!!!!!!!

I love how this is ALSO disguised as a “I know better than you” shtick because it’s something abusive parents use all the time.

“I just want you to be safe! People are gonna think something’s up!” Making Jonas believe that Dean wants what’s best for him but that’s not the case. He’s being abusive, taking control, and trying to make Jonas who he wants to be.

Dean says it himself, hiding his insults, demands, and being a TOTAL DICK behind this idea of “looking out for Jonas”

Again, he’s trying to make it seem like his word is superior, it should be followed, respected. He makes himself out to be Good which is some of the most Scariest abusers out there.

They seem so... Nice. So normal, and regular, they seem like true genuine parents that are looking out for their kids. You don’t notice his need for control and wanting to make others inferior because he hides it behind this message of being a good father.

Thankfully, Mitch doesn’t buy into it cause he’s seen this all before with his own abusive stepdad!!

When Mitch calls Dean out he has just disrupted the equilibrium of an abuser.

Dean who everyone’s looked up, respected out of fear of judgement, followed his every word, and was silent when he was talking has just been talked back to and he doesn’t know how to handle it.

Everyone looks at Mitch in shock because NO ONE has ever had the guts to talk back to Dean, the one who is in power. He is in control, and it’s painfully obvious so Mitch disrupting this balance is unsettling.

.... WHEW

Lets start with... The victims of Dean’s abusive behavior.

Jonas and Sue.

Jonas immediately tries to change subjects then goes so far as the grab Mitch and take him to his room. Sue tries to calm down Dean by calling him “dear.” Why? In this case, Mitch... Even though said very harshly, is in the right.

But the Victims are terrified of the abuser when he gets angry. They try to diffuse the situation because they don’t want outsiders getting to see the man that is Dean.

Either believing they “won’t understand’ are so conditioned and psychologically abused to believe they must not let anyone see their abuser being abusive, making apologies and excuses for them and trying to leave the scene.

I’VE BEEN WANTING TO TALK ABOUT THIS FOR 5 YEARS OKAY!!!

After Dean walks in on Mitch and Jonas, Dean doesn’t say Anything. He looks at them with a shocked face and then slams the door shut.

Let’s think of this scene in a different light. A parent walks in on their kid and their “friend” in a compromising position. In a fit of embarrassment for all parties, the parent slams the door shut because OH MY GOSH I JUST DID THAT!!!

Well, that doesn’t fit the bill for this because Jonas reacts with Fear.

Jonas very quickly is thrown in a panic. Dean didn’t even have to say ANYTHING but Jonas knows hes in trouble and he’s gonna suffer the consequences. He wants Mitch to leave as soon as possible not because he’s angry with Mitch but because he’s Scared of what Dean might do to him.

This may seem weird but often times.... Victims of abuse don’t really... Want outside help in the heat of a moment.

They don’t want to make anyone experience the wrath of their abusive parent. It’s a need to protect others for not witnessing what the victim goes through every day and a lot of the times, a victim feels Embarrassed by their parents actions and want to hide them away, deal with it themselves. He makes Mitch leave because of this.

.... HITS HOME.

This page, hurts a whole Lot.

The silence, tension, fear of having to approach your abuser and explain yourself. Dean only has to stand there and looking menacing and it’s enough to make Jonas panic.

Again, Dean doesn’t have to start a conversation, Jonas does, trying to desperately explain himself. He is being submissive, inferior, and weak to his abuser and it’s crushing.

NEED I SAY ANY WORDS???

DEAN IS A PSYCHOLOGICAL, EMOTIONAL, AND VERBALLY ABUSIVE ASSHAT!!!!!!!!! DO NOT CONDONE HIS ACTIONS OR BELIEVE HE IS IN THE RIGHT!!!!

DEAN WAGNER IS AN ABUSER