#i just wanna be able to do normal shit | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

gayve-strider-man-rider · 22 days

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love paying thousands of dollars so I can sit in a lecture hall and over think my identity instead of maths

#its like. god idk. the more i think about it the more i feel like i have to accept that i am just aroace?#and the more i realise i really dont want that to be true?#it just. feels so fucking lonely #like. god.#all my friends are in relationships and im not. everyone was talking about childhood crushes yesterday and i just couldn't join in. we were #fillimg out these identity chart things and there just. wasnt an option for what i was #relationships are always going to be more important than friendships and that makes sense. i get that. but that also means im always going #to be lesser to someone else #like yes amato/allonormativity is bullshit and i shouldnt listen to it but. fuck its depressing feeling like im just missing a core part of #what makes someone a real person yk. it fucking sucks #like i think im already sensitive to that bc growing up trans and neurodivergent means i already feel like ive missed out on so many #milestones #and now i have this. and im always going to have this. and it fucking sucks #like idk!! i wanna date!! i want someone to care about me in that way!! but ill never be able to do that without feeling like im decieving #them so whats the fucking point yk!!#like im just overexaggerating the few hints of sexuality i have now to at least try to pretend i have one #because at least then i can be included in those conversations and not feel like a lesser person for those few seconds #but then it changes. and im back to feeling like a freak and half of a person !! and i feel like a freak and gross whenever i di exaggerate #my sexualoty at all so yk. no winning there ig #god idk #this got uh. more depressing than i thought #i think i just already feel lowkey like shit constantly so this just makes it worse?#idk. im too tired for this shit #thumbsup #i swear im normal

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arrowpunk · 7 months

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Well I got a job

#ramblings of an arrow #I realize I probably should be celebrating #and this is an objectively good thing #and not the end of the world #I am just kinda still tired and burned out lol and not looking forward to working full time again #especially since last time I worked full time I was usually sneaking out early and not actually being there a full 8 hours #which worked fine because I was the only one in the office #which will not work at all at this job that actually has other ppl around lol #it will probably be good for me to have a routine though #and I Know that having consistent income will do wonders for my mental health #I am just...... like already feeling tired in anticipation lol #the irony #I wont start for 2 weeks #and I wanna get art shit done before then #but I have been washed in a wave of exhaustion and now I dont know if I will be able to #which is not great considering I doubt I will have much time for art at all with a full time job #anyways I am so normal and things are fine and Im not having a mental breakdown about this #this is an objectively good thing #it is #i just also wish ubi was a thing so I didnt have to have extreme financial anxiety and could be unemployed and focus on art without #the financial anxiety in the way #i will live #things will be okay #im in a supportef enough position that if it sucks I Can quit #so like no matter what things will be FINE And I just need to calm the fuck down

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unproduciblesmackdown · 1 month

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billions also comedy gold presenting winston as a scapegoat for abuse culture fans when it's like but hey it can't be actual scapegoating if you Enjoy It or consider it Justified or experience Reassurance from Its Opportunity For A Group Cohesion Substitute For A Cohesion Based On An Inherent Equal Degree Of Belonging, The Absence Of Which Allows For, Encourages, Reinforces, & Rewards Scapegoating

it can't be Bullying if someone's Weird or you Just Don't Personally Like Them or Nobody's Actually Stopping You, Maybe At Least If They Don't See Too Much Of It, Maybe Others Are Supporting It

it can't be Abuse if you're just doing things Normally or are Following Rules or Aren't Feeling Malicious And Aren't Getting Divine Revelations Otherwise and probably it's just that a lot of abnormal people are being whiny &/or unfair &/or the Real malicious ones. kinda just like how that scapegoat is the real person ruining everything and really just forcing you to treat them like this

#might note hardly limited to billions; the series doing bog standard suffocatingly common [Being Normal can't be abusive] replication #nor is their Unaware Replication Of [it can't be ableist if i'm not reacting to ppl who walked up & said Hi I'm Autistic]#well abuse & traumatic treatment can't be Everywhere. like how umm sexism can't be everywhere. neither can white supremacy. ableism. cmon.#oh please not everything can be political. Just Be Normal. which makes it ''apolitical.''#now we all agree abuse can't ever be made palatable; insulated; easy. now ppl doing it never said it wasn't That bad.#if they did they must have been maliciously lying. whereas when i say it can't have been That bad; i mean it :)#and if that person says it was; well they must be lying. or clueless. or a pussy. or scheming to destroy me. Must be. Gotta #& we wouldn't be able to look around & see contexts of imbalance. who's vulnerable. who's life gets smaller. who's supported automatically #who's supported if someone even posits they May have done anything like No; Impossible; now instantly definitely get their ass #you can just go on all day about the ''um i'm just the Realistic Normality vessel'' arguments made boundlessly in bad faith #being like ohh Everyday Interactions / ''Normal'' Semi/Public Situations Can't Be Uncomfortable Imbalanced Dangerous Abusive....#if they are that must be So Rare & created only by Rare Bad Actors with Malicious Mens Rea (itself a great concept to make any act Okay)#something framed as Extreme must be an outlier. could never be part of everyone's everyday life & some much more than others.#could never be what's defined as Normal (associated with Superiority) like how Abuse can't be shit i'd think of as Normal #like how damn if ya don't just wanna kill the autistic coworker and everyone agrees & would clap & cheer if you did And That's Great #you'd have to feel Weird / Abnormal about it! b/c Weirdness & Abnormality is what's bad!#like the autism or the cptsd (the Real abuse can only be: inflicting the existence of a victim's survival skills on Superior Normals)#or whatever else gets pathologized with Polite ABA arguments about how it's not ''social skills'' so hide it or suffer the consequences #winston billions #having that perspective too like oh [our blessed successful conformity] [their barbaric xyz Issues]#if the best you can argue for or against smthing is as Normal or Weird respectively like. no. what's behind that door #the authority figure/s who must be supported lest this all crumble. vs the ruinerrrrrr #billions recognizing winston & tuk the next most shitted on would probably get along & have a mutually supportive friendship #billions also recognizing that mutual support better not be Allowed to get that far. lest this all crumble #like look see we Knew it. we knew the bottom tier ppl who don't really belong in the group who we bully & scapegoat are Always Ruining It.

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opens-up-4-nobody · 9 months

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...

#i was looking through old photos today. they where from wjen i was like 1 and it made me so sad #bc my mum would have been like only a year or 2 older then i am now and she looked so young #and now she has an abdomen full of tumors and blistered hands and feet. theyre prob gonna hsve to remove her bladder #but shes still very pragmatic abt it. but she grew up in a house where no one really cared about her feelings so she made them small #and now her mother calls and doesn't ask how her grandkids are doing and doesn't ask how her daughter is doing. im cursed with terrible #grandparents on both sides but i resent my mothers mother worse. though my dad said i probably wouldnt have survived his upbringing #and hes right. my nana has like zero empathy and cant cook for shit. idk how my parents r so normal but the fact i had a good upbringing is #probably the only reason im still here. and thats the other thing that made me sad abt the old pics. just looking at this little baby with a #fucked up head and thinking: in 25 years that kid is gonna b so broken down their not gonns kno what to do or how to fix it. idk whats wrong #with me. ive always been some stage of miserable but i used to b able to get things done. and now i cant seem to force functionality #and it sucks. bc im home now and i still feel like im cringing around this open wound in my chest. but whatever #as of today ive started taking ab1lify. hopefully it helps in the long term but in the short term it triggers my 0cd. which is not fun #its so frustrating. whatever. i also found out my eyes used to not work together. not enough to have a lazy eye but it was hard for me to #read and apparently my eyes were tracking at like double the speed of a normal person. wtf is wrong with my brain? also also my mum was like #yea i never would have guessed bip0lar but we thought it was something. autism i could see 100% but yea didnt see that coming. ao i guess #i brehave like a bit of an oddball. ans my nana would bother my dad to try to make me participate in church and my dad was like no. she #clearly don't wanna b here lol. ay. they did the best they could which i appreciate #unrelated

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faethfigueroth · 5 months

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#alright these tags are super embarrassing but i needed to rant publicly so uh. you can read this but please don't perceive me too much #it is so fucking exhausting having nobody to share my life with #i have literally zero friends at this point bc ever since my grandpa died i've pretty much stopped trying to keep in touch with my hometown #friends and i cut off my 'friend' group that were racist assholes who treated me like a doormat back in october and haven't really made any #close friends at college since. and i just fucking hate that this is the same way i've felt for so many fucking years like you'd think it #would be bearable at this point and i'd be used to being alone and for a while i honestly was but it just hit me tonight how fucking lonely #i am and how tomorrow i have to keep on just doing the shit i have to do in life without anyone to talk to and share it with #other than my mom who's been pissing me off lately so i've been pushing her away too!#it's so tiring to have to go out and do things and have responsibilities everyday and not being able to share that with anyone idk it makes #it feel almost like i'm carrying the weight of the world on my shoulders which is SO dramatic i know #like today i wanted to talk about the stupid false alarm gas leak thing with my sort of friends in this club i'm in but i didn't get to talk #to anyone at the meeting bc everyone was just talking amongst themselves in their little groups of best friends and it just reminded me that #i don't have that and i've never fucking had that i've only ever pretended i had that #it's like all these years i've been pretending to be a person that has friends and knows how to live life normally but i never have #more than anything i just miss my friends from home bc they're the closest i've ever felt to having friends that are like family but. i #don't know how to talk to them anymore. i didn't tell any of them when my grandpa died and i think they just assumed that i've moved on so #they've probably moved on and i already know that they have their own lives and friends at their schools that are a lot more full than mine #wanna know the worst part about all of this? i just had therapy and basically told her everything's fine #and i won't meet with her again until 3 weeks from now so literally the only person i can talk to about this right now is my mom #which i am absolutely not gonna do bc she's gonna get so scared and worried for me and i can't have that rn #anyways yeah. this isn't even that big of a deal like i haven't had friends for at least the past 6 months it's not like anything's changed #i just feel extra sad about it right now. i need a distraction stat gonna go watch watch some tv goodnight #shut up hanna

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revvywevvy · 5 months

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crawls in here like a little bug. i need to scream abt random scv things dont mind me im gonna just shove my face into the tags and shriek into the void

#cell mumbles #//help i tried to do a legendary souls run in the emulator and got my ass absolutely handed to me immediately by kilik #//IVE FORGOR HOW TO DO EVERYTHING SOBBING PROFUSELY #//im so bad now LMAOOOO... at least before I was able to complete the entire thing (even if it took 90+ minutes)#//but now......................... agony and suffering #//kil(ik if i (playing pyrrha) look at u with my big ol puppy eyes will you let me 3(3)B you off the raft 3 rounds in a row pretty pleaseee #//for me? the little silly? pwetty pwetty pweeeease? im just a little guy! a silly little girlie! a little baby birdie!#//you wouldnt wanna hurt a little birdie would u kil(ik? /silly #//in better news I did an arcade speedrun on my xbox; got 2'19"330 and submitted it pending review #//could u guys imagine it? the ceo of pyrrha? having the pyrrha category arcade world record?#//i can see it now... THE babygirl connoisseur /very big silly #//thooooough the time is very much beatable bc I made many-a-mistake x_x|||#//i feel like matching the general wr time is possible if you had perfect opponent + ai rng #//like. get ae/on; yoshi; zw/ei; then sieg/fried as the randomized opponents; then have them cooperate and get hit by the 3(3)B first try.#//then speed thru beating the shit out of ti/ra and night/mare; maybe even get successful ro's on the latter #//and boom #//like. i dont think u can BEAT the current wr with pyrrha per se bc like. those runs were WILD. but i feel like u could get very close!!#//u just have to get veeeeery lucky #//OH YEAH ALSO I MADE A BUNCH OF CUSTOMS OF PYRRHA AND IMMA DRAW THEM AT SOME POINT #//i already drew 2 and will do more #//can u guys tell im normal :]

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thethingything · 5 months

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so it turns out we have covid again (I think this is the 7th time? despite us not going outside) but we had it in February as well and we feel nowhere near as bad as we did any of the other times we've had it.

like we're on the 4th day of having symptoms and we pretty much feel like when we're getting over a cold and just feel kinda rough from it so I'm hoping we'll feel alright in a few days? maybe?

we got the cough and sore throat on Thursday, and the cough was worst on Friday, then on Friday night we got the fever and joint and skin pain which ended up being worst yesterday, and then today we don't really have the skin and joint pain, the fever's calmed down a lot, and we do have a cough but it's nowhere near as bad, and this is a wild progression of symptoms for us given that having a cold usually completely wipes us out for over a week

#personal #thoughts #🍬 post #I really want to be able to go outside next weekend but I also don't wanna go out if I'm ill especially if it's covid #it's just really fucking shit timing but hey at least we don't seem to be doing as badly as usual #last time we had it we were sleeping all the time and completely fucked up our routine and struggled to function #meanwhile this time we've been able to keep dping most of the stuff we can normally do #but we've been trying to rest more because that seemed like a good idea #it's been very weird and confusing but I'll take that over feeling as bad as last time #I'm just frustrated with getting ill right before something I was looking forward to #like the one fucking time I have something planned that involves going out I get covid like a week beforehand

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skrunksthatwunk · 9 months

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jumpscared by least favorite seasonal chore