#i just think showers are like a sensory nightmare

[anarchafemme]

can someone invent dry shampoo that can actually clean and exfoliate your scalp, and control dandruff, and also remove hairspray, and also never have any buildup? thanks in advance

[lucimaaie]

ellie as spiderwoman hcs ✧.* au

a/n- honestly was just an excuse for me to watch spiderman again and i took it, kind of switch between would’ve and did idk babes im just having fun atp

playlist | spidey masterlist

she'd have lost her mom at a young age and been placed with joel, who she never gets along with at first, thinking he's just a bil ol meanie who wanted an extra check every month.

that was until he showed he cared, not through hugs and affection in the traditional sense, but making sure she did her homework, picking her up everyday, getting her out of her room, checking on her when she'd been too quiet. "you okay, kiddo?" and "i heard talking helps." he'd say as he leaned on the door frame. eventually, she couldn't help but love him.

absolutely a nerd. though, when she got teased, she didn't exactly back down as expected which landed her in the detention a few times and some talking-to's. but she won and defended herself. no one could be mad at her for that. still, she was smart. she was going to be an astronaut after all. though that dream died in middle school.

high school came and she tried to straighten up. no more fighting bullies, even if they deserved it. she was better than that. she would get an internship, the internship that would line everything up, get her a scholarship so she could study aerospace engineering, get rich and get joel out of the old house on a patch of land with however many sheep he wanted. the same internship that got her bitten by a radioactive spider and shooting webs out her wrists.

words could not describe how much she worried joel when she woke up the day after, crushing her alarm clock, breaking the sink, the shower rack, everything. she skipped that day, hanging out on the rooftop of the house while joel was away stuck between having a panic attack from the sensory overload and telling someone, anyone. she decided on testing them out which earned her quite a few bruises joel luckily chalked up to another fight. "we gotta talk about this fighting thing sometime." she'd roll her eyes, saying something snarky before limping up the stairs. "say what you want but i win," "i heard that!"

also sidebar: ellie as a new yorker...whew. honestly ellie as anything- anyway.

hours or research ensue on cross-species genetics, spiderbites, different types of spiders, everything that made her feel disgusting. she slammed her laptop closed, crushing the poor thing.

it felt like there were a million things to do with her newfound powers but the only two on her mind was impress dina and swing from the rooftops. c’mon, she was 16 with the powers of a freaking spider. who said saving people would the first thing on her mind? she felt powerful, even weirder than she already felt but still powerful.

it was terrible, watching joel get more and more disappointed in her as she got distracted. “i’m a good kid! i just got distracted, gimmie a break.” “i have given you plenty. more than i should’ve. and that’s on me. that's my mistake to make you think that coming home late and fighting and blowing me off is okay.”

“i can't help how i turned out! don't blame me for being a shitty dad.” she yelled before slamming the door and stalking off into who knows where. she didn't even mean it, she was just stressed, she never meant any of it. hours later, she’d wish those words never came out her mouth.

she'd hoped she was having some cruel nightmare when she saw joel laid out on the pavement. "some help me! c-call an ambulance. don't just fucking stand there-" her voice was raw as she screamed out. "c'mon, don't die on me. y-you can't. i'm sorry? is that what you wanna hear? i'm sorry."

she hated the looks of pity, everyone's soft voices. people who never once talked to her suddenly caring. it was all fake. they didn't know her and they sure and hell didn't know joel.

she became another person for a while. quieter, more closed off. sometimes snappy. laser focused on finding the low-life took joel from her. that's when she started wearing the mask. the basic concept of it anyway and it caught on with the people, more than she imagined. ellie scoffed at the name spider-woman at first, thinking it was ridiculous. she wasn't some circus performer, she was just trying to find the killer.

dina as her mj, reaching out to her after joel’s death, inviting her over for dinner, talking to her in class, all of it. it wasn’t the same disingenuous pity she hated, she could feel she cared. so she allowed her feelings to fester. being with her actually helped. it was one more thing to balance with school and the internship and her mission, but it was more person in her life. she needed that.

one day ellie went running towards the trouble. not because joel's killer was there or cause of some adrenaline rush, but because she needed to do something. to not be helpless for once. she wasn't helpless. she hadn't felt completely in control of her body as she webbed a whole bridge back together and pulled cars back onto the surface, but in the end it was a like a high. it still ached to see kids running to their parents and everyone running to their families, but they were all safe. she did that. and that felt better than getting revenge and letting it suck the life out of her. so she'd wear the spandex and the mask and go by the stupid name. only cause it meant something now.

thank you for reading!

[guillotine-drop]

Rating POSTAL Dudes by how good they smell:

POSTAL - 9/10: I think his habitual reclusion and distrust of the world would probably mean he’s showering constantly, moreso than any other Dude, especially if he thinks there’s a ‘Hate Plague’ going on. I think he smells basic; very simple routine, just enough to make sure he feels clean, so at most he’ll smell like some generic 3-in-1 body wash and shampoo/conditioner, maybe something slightly nicer just for himself (some decent $15 aftershave for that menthol scent and cooling relief).

POSTAL Redux - 3/10: Exact opposite of his original incarnation, this greasy son of a bitch isn’t scared of shit he just wants to throw explosives at ostriches and parades. Barely showers, constantly stinks of stale sweat, old blood, cheap leather and cheaper cologne, punctuated with the scent of burnt gunpowder. Borderline noxious.

POSTAL 2 - 4/10: Smells just as bad as Redux Dude but gets the edge here because every now and then he goes outside and uses the neighbor’s hose to blast himself. Shockingly uses deodorant, still not enough to be perpetually leather and denim clad in the great state of Arizona. Almost constantly reeks of sweat and has the recognizable yet faint scent of stale piss wafting off of him, accompanied by the scent of even staler crack and pungent fast food. Almost pungent enough to drown the rest out. Almost.

POSTAL 3 - 2/10: If you were to raid the wash cart after a double overtime football game, steal every jockstrap in the place, wring the sweat into a bucket, and then bring it all to a boil, you’d have somewhere in the realm of what a clean P3 Dude smells like. On average, however, this man has managed to combine the overwhelming sensory nightmares of cat piss and cheap spray deodorant into an almost lethal concoction, ONLY made breathable by the strange and overpowering smell of gasoline that seems to seep from his pores. Approach with caution and for the love of god: do not bring bleach or matches near this freak.

POSTAL 4: No Regerts - 5/10: Despite looking like he crawled out of a dumpster after a bad divorce or a fantastic honeymoon, P4 Dude is shockingly passable in terms of being able to stand next to him for a prolonged period without gagging or killing him. Having learned the efficacy of not being encased in leather in the desert, he’s managed to bring his pungency down several notches. Still reeks of sweat most of the time, and the smell of burger grease and pepperoni follows him like a specter of death, but the piss scent stopped clinging on as hard. He’s also upgraded from hose showers with no supplies to sink baths with tiny gas station travel soaps. It’s an improvement, trust me.

Brain Damaged - 2/10: Take a look at his living space in the title screen, then watch the game’s cutscenes. Just soak it all in. Now that you’ve done that, you can understand that his rank ass smells exactly as bad as you might think it does. If it can come out of his body, it’s probably soaking some part of him. If you think any of the clothes on him have been washed, you’re wrong. This man smells like if someone firebombed an outhouse and pissed on it to put it out. The best thing for him would be getting blasted with a firehouse and a box of laundry detergent. Please.

The Other Dude - 1-10/10: Entirely depends on how the BD Dude would imagine he smells depending on the situation.

POOSTALL Dude - 6/10: Despite the name, this one actually smells pretty decent. The clearly larger coat with the rolled sleeves implies some level of understanding about how not to smell like swamp ass and sweat soaked leather, and truthfully, he looks like he bathes semi-regularly, a rarity amongst these guys.

POSTAL Doe - 9/10: I admit fully and entirely to my lack of impartiality to this one, but I’m willing to stand by it even if I lose my Stink Judge License: first of all, sleeveless leather trench coat AND a crop top mean less overheat which means less sweat. Second of all, visually cleaner than pretty much any of the dudes which implies some kind of self care regimen. Third, and most importantly, girlstink counts positive. I will not be turning in my badge or my gun.

Movie Dude - 8/10: This may be controversial, but despite the squalor he lives in and the fact that hems a cuckold and that his life sucks and that he can’t get a job and that he’s a loser- I digress. I think Movie Dude is in the top echelons of Dude Stink solely because I think he’d have a breakdown if he smelled bad. This man uses Dr. Teals. He stinks like a mix of eucalyptus and peppermint. If ever there was a Dude who had a skin routine, he still wouldn’t, but he’d definitely think about it one day. I think by the end he gets an extra point just because he gets a little hotter the more deranged he is. Overall very pleasant but I still wouldn’t give him $4.

John Murray - 2/10: Hasselridge seems to have a very… interesting relationship with what is and isn’t normal, so unsurprisingly, Johnny Boy would probably smell pretty rough. Considering how dingy, run down and shitty everything in that town appears to be, I can’t imagine anyone else is smelling like roses either. Just avoid the entire place, not least of all because of the zombie thing.

Shtopor - 0/10: Bad.

Nottem Portant - 5/10: Despite the misanthropy, dollar store Nathan Explosion thing and the absolutely abysmal gameplay, Mr. Hatred is actually extremely middle of the road on stink. Sure, he doesn’t smell great, but shockingly he washes his ass despite the whole ‘death to humanity’ thing. He does get point deduction for not washing his hair though, grease mop motherfucker.

[am-i-the-asshole-official]

aita for asking my partner to shower?

So my partner has adhd and some other stuff going on (the other stuff is as yet unknown to me, they see a psychiatrist regularly but I don't pry because if they want to tell me anything about that then they will of their own volition). anyways they've opened up to me in the past about having issues with hygiene which is fine, I think everyone struggles with aspects of that to some degree and there's no shame in it especially if there's mental health stuff in the mix. But showering in particular is very hard for them, it's a sensory nightmare and I respect that. We've even talked about how best to adapt the shower to their needs, what things can we do to make it less of a pain and less debilitating on them, and I've been pretty enthusiastic, I think, about adding things to the bathroom to make it a better experience. Especially because I don't want them to think I don't care or am not willing to adapt with them.

Yet this seems to go nowhere because they will go months without bathing. To the point they have an obvious smell to them. I try to be as gentle as possible when I tell them hey, you may want to shower but every single time they treat me like I'm a major bitch about it. I've tried different approaches, tried encouraging them to make use of the adaptability things we've added to the bathroom for them, offered to shower with them (as like a comfort thing if that would make them feel better) but they always go stone cold silent and get this mean look on their face before walking out and I hear the bathroom door slam. Then we don't talk for a while after they come out of the shower.

I genuinely don't think I'm being mean or unaccommodating, I do everything I can think of to not be that way yet they always act like I just said the rudest things possible to them when I've never and will never do that because I really do care about them with all my heart. But at the same time I've kind of given up, after our latest argument about the showering. They said I'm insensitive and pushy, maybe I am and I'm just not seeing it. Am I being pushy because they said they're a grown adult and don't need to be parented by me and that they'll shower when they're ready and I'm just being a nag. But a part of me doesn't believe that because it wouldn't go on for so long and reach a point of obvious smell if they were planning on showering.

So am I being more of a parent than a partner and also an asshole without meaning to be?

What are these acronyms?

[michael-the-candybar]

Hey hey! I saw your Barty headcanons and thought they were SUPERB! Do you happen to have any Evan ones as well??

omg thank you! and oh i have so many i think i actually have like 3 separate posts on him but ill do another cause why not!

• if evan was an animagus(i think thats how you spell it) he’d either be a ferret or a possum but i dont hate the fennec fox idea either.

• ironically, he’s terrified of snakes and unfortunately learns this when barty adds a new addition to the dorms

• he and barty have matching rings on necklaces

• the dorm room is litered with his taxidermy projects

• yk how everyone has a crush on monty when they meet him? i feel like evan had that, but on barty’s dad before learning all the shit about him (barty was mortified when he found out)

• breaks spaghetti, he hates that it doesn’t fit into the pot when raw so he just snaps it. barty never allowed him back into the kitchen

• lowkey a germaphobe, but like he refuses to eat something if he saw someone lick a utensil and put it back in the dish

•huge sensory issues when it comes to clothing, if barty’s wear a shirt that bothers him and its touching him, he forces barty to either take the shirt off or change

• this ones sad but ace evan who is so repulsed by sex that he threw up after the first time he tried to be intimate with someone

• when he’s stressed he’ll rearrange the dorm but than it stresses him out even more and eventually he just shuts down

• freezing cold showers in the morning kinda guy

• he has glasses but no one knows cause he just wears contacts

• i love the hc of pandora as a seer and cause i see them as twins, i think evan would have a similar gift except it would come in the forms of vague nightmares that he always forgets when he wakes up

[stimmingandstruggling]

it’s such a simple thing but i am so proud of myself for brushing my teeth.

i never built up the habit. it was sensory hell as a little kid and i very quickly learned to avoid it, which then created a sort of irrational fear of it. fast forward years and i still struggle. it isn’t such a nightmare anymore, but my gums are sick and sensitive and painful, and i just. don’t have the habit. and routine changes are scary.

there were times i’d be like okay, i’m finally going to commit to it, twice a day every day, and then slip up in less than a week and feel like shit and go back to avoiding it all. but then my dentist said something that literally changed the game. “don’t just go full throttle, you won’t stick with it. pick a couple days a week and be consistent with those.”

so i started keeping my toothbrush and paste and floss in my shower bucket. and for the past few months, i have brushed my teeth EVERY time i have showered. this is fucking HUGE for me! it’s not ideal, but once every two days or so?? I HAVE NOT BRUSHED MY TEETH THIS MUCH SINCE MT PARENTS LITERALLY DID IT FOR ME. and it HURTS less! my gums don’t bleed anymore! i looked in the mirror today and they were mostly PINK. PINK!!!!! i cannot remember a time when my gums were not red and puffy but they’re pink and they don’t bleed and they don’t hurt!

i’m thinking of ways to make a transition to every day smoother. and i WANT to now. i actually WANT to! routine changes are hard but i WANT this to become a part of my routine because i actually FEEL BETTER. woah

[barzfrommarz]

do you have any physical disability headcanons for c!wilbur? if not, how about mental? :0

- harlan

(the c!wilbur fictive of the watchers' vault collective)

YES I DO

-Needs a cane for stability after revival. He noticed the pain starting in late pogtopia but he died before he could address it

-Has been slowly loosing his hearing due to the explosions during L'manburg and on the 16th and eventually from the trains in Limbo. When he comes back his hearing is so fucked he will sometimes completely ignore people without realizing

-Sensory issues make it hard for him to shower because he hates the feeling of water on his skin. His depression also plays a role in his lack of showering

-Intrusive thoughts make it hard for him to function most days. Some days he will spend hours locked up in his house/van constantly checking every lock over and over until he feels better (he gets right back to it a few minutes later)

-His brain is so rattled he will sometimes have absent seizures and no one realizes it. They just think he's spacing out because they dont last long

-arthritis in his wrists makes it hard for him to write, cook, clean etc and he really hates it because he feels like he's weak for not being able to do basic things

-really bad insomnia. Used to take sleep medications but stopped when they started to give him bad nightmares. Now most of the time the longest he sleeps is about 2-5 hours a night. It once got so bad he collapsed and Quackity was the one to find him face down in the sand

-Fibromyalgia causes him to have really bad migraines and some days he cant even get out of bed because of it

-POTS can cause him to completely faint when stands up sometimes but he brushes it off as him not eating enough

-Executive dysfunction hits him hard most days. Sometimes he will just sit there for hours telling himself to get up and then he gets mad at himself for being "lazy"

-HE HAS TOURETTES BECAUSE I HAVE TOURETTES. He hides his tics from others because he fears it makes him look crazy and he knows his reputation is already fucked and he doesn't want to make it worst. This can lead to tic attacks that last a while (and hurt alot)

-His eyesight has gotten progressively worse over the years and he now has cataracts

-His sensory issues make it hard for him to be out in places like las nevadas or sometimes even at a family dinner. He also is really particular about clothes and food

-flashbacks from his c-pstd can cause him to completely shut down for hours and they usually pop up out of nowhere. Some Days he can handle it and others he cant

[allisluv]

Lucy gray comforting autistic reader when melting down

pairing: lucy gray x fem!autistic!reader

content warnings: meltdowns and harmful stimming (scratching). mentions of being overstimulated. other than that, this is really just hurt/comfort.

authors note: this is based off my personal experience as an autistic person having a meltdown. every meltdown will look different and that's important to remember!

word count: a little under 600

You could almost always tell when a meltdown was bubbling on the surface. Today is no exception.

First, you had ran out of your safe foods and then when you ventured down to the market with Lucy Gray to see if they had any left, they'd broke the news that fresh stock would not be arriving for at least one more week.

You had begrudgingly force-fed yourself a bowl of cereal, and tried to wash it down with a glass of orange juice, only to remember that you had finished the carton off yesterday.

It was relatively warm, too, which normally wouldn't bother you, but today it's a sensory nightmare. You strip down into nothing but a pair of underwear and your bra, but your body temperature is still too hot for your liking.

Your bra strap is digging into your skin and the lacy pair of panties that you usually wear feel too constricting.

You don't have meltdowns often, but when you do, boy, do you know about it. It might seem silly to a neurotypical person if they found out that you lost control because of a few things going wrong in your day, but to you, it was a big deal and far too much for you to process.

As Lucy Gray hangs up clean clothes in your shared wardrobe, she softly suggests having a shower to see if it'll help you cool down. While you know she’s only trying to help, it’s the final straw that sends you toppling headfirst over the edge.

You start to sob and rock back and forth on your bed, hands flapping as you try to regulate your emotions. Lucy Gray turns around and in a split second, she's kneeling in front of you, asking what she can do to help.

Lucy Gray has been with you for long enough to understand that your needs differ from each and every meltdown. Sometimes you need to be held, and other times, you don't want to be touched at all.

She takes it upon herself to close the blinds. She has a feeling your head is starting to hurt right about now. She’s back by your side in an instant, whispering. “Tell me what I can do to help, sugar.”

It takes a minute for you to get the words out. “Can— can you hold me? Tightly?”

Lucy Gray nods and gestures for you to sit on the wooden floorboards with her. She pulls you close and wraps her arms tightly around your middle. She rocks the both of you back and forth, all the while whispering reassuring words into your hairline and pressing soft kisses to your forehead.

When your sobs have dulled to quiet whimpers and you've stopped scratching at the skin of your arms, you whisper a quiet, "I'm sorry," into her blouse.

Lucy Gray tuts and cradles your head with the back of her hand. "You don't have to apologise. Not to me, sweet girl. Are you feeling any better?" You shake your head no, and she hums in understanding. "That's alright, darlin'. I think a nap might be in order, what do you think?"

[cedarxwing]

Scent Freak Hannibal (Holes in the Floor of the Mind)

Hannibal is 10x more freakish about smells in the books, and it manifests in some subtle ways in the show.

Hannibal's characterization as a lovable serial killer is a brilliant literary feat. Part of what makes him so likable is how receptive he is to sensation. He's almost childlike in how he experiences the world. His narration is so vivid with description that it makes him seem more alive, more human, than the other characters, whose inner voices are dull and flat by comparison. He is powerfully influenced by sights, sounds, textures, and especially smells, all leading to memory. It's very Proustian and psychological.

Warning: long post below.

Red Dragon

Aside from the iconic aftershave dig, Hannibal uses scent to decide to get Will's home address. This is the very first peek into Hannibal's POV we get in the series:

First mention of Hannibal's nemesis: the toilet (more on that later). They cleaned his toilet with Clorox -> bleach -> semen -> irritating man scent -> Will Graham

Will smells like teaweed, which grows in the southeast US -> Hannibal is thinking about where Will might live (Florida). (Like how Hannibal smells pine on Will in the show.)

Hannibal can smell Will's thoughts which are warm and brassy

Will's warm, brass thoughts are incorporated in the show! Will's silver pendulum, as it was described in the book, was changed to yellow. In season 1, whenever we enter his crime scene reconstruction POV, the lighting completely changes and there's a warm filter:

(I also like to interpret the shift in warmth as Will feeling more alive when he's closer to a killer's thoughts, but that's just me)

The Stool Pit

One thing the show didn't explore was Hannibal's worst sensory nightmare: feces. For him, stool is closely linked to both prison ("watching the diaper cart go by") and the horrific death of his sister. In Hannibal, the scent of a soiled diaper on a airplane gives him a traumatic flashback dream about Mischa:

The "holes in the floor" of Hannibal's memory palace are oubliettes, dungeons where he stores all his bad memories to forget about them:

Even though Hannibal probably didn't see Mischa's teeth in the stool pit in the show (since his backstory was changed), it's alluded to with Alana's threat to take his toilet (his entire toilet, not just the seat like in the book).

This line is mostly a quote from The Silence of the Lambs, except for "the company of the dead" addition. It leads straight into one of Hannibal's flashbacks about Abigail. Based on how the lights black out, I can only assume Hannibal's memories about Abigail are negative. Is he falling down the rank oubliettes of his mind when he thinks of her? Does he regret killing her at all? We can only guess.

Knowing this, the proximity of the toilet to his prison bed is crazy. They had a huge room to put his bed anywhere, and they chose to put it right next to the toilet? Lol.

Cleanliness

Clean smells are Hannibal's favorite thing, hands down. They are in direct opposition to the stool pit, and a metaphor for innocence, purity, washing away sins, etc. The first thing we see him do after killing Abigail is take a shower, washing blood from his skin, washing away the past...

He loves the soap and lotion store in Florence (the Farmacia di Santa Maria Novella), "one of the best-smelling places on Earth," because it takes him away from bad memories.

The copper bathtub from season 3 is based on Hannibal's memories of washing Mischa:

Clean smells are Hannibal's conscious avenue to his obsession with Clarice Starling:

Clarice has her own Proustian association with clean smells, since her mother was a cleaning lady at a motel. Matching childhood olfactory associations--cute!

It's subtle in the show, but Will is associated with cleanliness as well:

Absolute Freak Behavior

Now I just want to show how extreme the scent thing is, for anyone who hasn't read the books... like...

Trying to smell Clarice from a hundred yards away:

After sniffing the handle of Clarice's car door and not getting anything, he breaks in and has a religious experience in the driver's seat:

In conclusion, Hannibal from the novels is a straight-up cross between Ratatouille and an A/B/O universe transplant. You can't tell me that this man doesn't have the biggest scent kink in the world. His partner walks out of the shower smelling like his favorite soap and it's game over.

[gender-thief2]

random death note headcanons part two (except it isn’t just sleep ones this time wowie):

light gets migraines from staring at screens for too long, and takes advil religiously, he never complains about being in pain though because he hates admitting weakness. L finds this all very amusing, and decides to take his advil and watch light search for it with growing franticness, while saying the most cheeky shit like “is something wrong light??” and light KNOWS he took it but refuses to say anything so he just sits there with a headache all night, and eventually has to turn in early because he doesn’t feel well. L decides to slip the advil back into his bag because he “doesn’t want this to interfere with the case”, and “can’t have light not being on his A game”, totally not because he feels bad or anything though because L does NOT feel things no sir.

light is very surprised to find out that L actually doesn’t like coffee, because he himself definitely finds himself needing it for working all these long hours. L actually drinks tea (being british of course), and is able to stay up for as long as he can because he is genuinely just built different (he’s extremely paranoid and can’t sleep unless his body just shuts down). Light is annoyed by this because, in his eyes, its just one more thing that L is better at than him.

L doesn’t actually clean himself in the shower, he just stands there because he’s used to his life sized washing machine (look it up), and this annoys Light to no end because he is an extreme neat freak.

L is chronically freezing, and Light is very warm.

L bites his nails when he thinks and Light tells him to stop, this eventually causes him to break the habit all together.

L has all of his shirts specially made with no tags on them, and all of his clothes and sheets are made with fabric he hand picked to be a pleasant sensory (he is autism (he is visible in your children, and if he can help it, invisible to you-))

in my last post i mentioned Light having nightmares, he has nightmares about being in solitary confinement, because being alone like that for such a long time is bound to effect you in some way. he also has nightmares about weird black notebooks and death gods…but who knows what that’s about!

his nightmares grow fewer and farther between as he starts feeling safer with L, and safer in this new environment.

i might make more of these this is fun

[half-oz-eddie]

Tw for PTSD, thoughts of suicide, self harm

God I feel like if Billy survived his PTSD would be so horrible.

He would probably feel like things were crawling inside his skin for a long time. The way he would scratch his arms until they bled would leave nasty scars everywhere.

He’d be afraid to go out into the sun, thinking it would burn him. He’d probably become agoraphobic and never want to go outside, because the last time he was out in a crowd, he panicked. He just can’t do it again. He can’t be around people anymore.

He would hear voices. dark whispers calling his name, and he’d cover his ears, crying for them to shut the fuck up.

And the nightmares? Oh, the nightmares would be dreadful. Fuck sleep, he’d never get any of that again. All he would remember is the people he hurt, the people he got killed in all of this.

He’d remember how he almost died, and still feel the pain of being pierced by the mind flayer’s tentacles.

He would have heightened senses, or think he does, or maybe he experiences sensory overload now. Everything’s brighter, Everything’s louder. Even a dog barking outside makes him jumpy. And he can always smell things. What is that? The smell of something rotting? He smells it all the time. He would think it’s coming from his own body, but it isn’t.

Billy would shower—constantly. The water would always be cold, because…he likes it cold. That’s all he would be able to remember. He’d be used to it.

Anytime someone would come over to visit, the house would be dark, freezing and all the curtains would be closed. He’d probably give someone a key to enter, because he’d never come to the door. He would always stay in bed, or in a corner. He couldn’t even stand eye contact with anyone. Partly because of shame and guilt, partly because he was afraid to hurt someone.

Steve was the only one who dared to get close enough. “You need some sunlight in here, buddy.” He’d say as he would try to open the curtain, only to be tackled to the ground by a panicked Billy.

“You can’t stay in here like this! You’re gonna kill yourself!” Steve would shout through the struggle.

“Yeah, well maybe I should!” Billy would shout back.

The sudden admission would be met with silence, and for the first time in months, Billy would make eye contact with someone. He would quickly let Steve go, and turn away from him.

“Get out.”

And Steve would refuse.

“This isn’t a way to live. You’ve gotta let a little sunlight in. It’ll feel like it’s still alive if you keep it so dark and cold in here.”

Eventually, he’d let a little sunlight in. Maybe he’d let Steve in too. But it would take time. A really long time.

[palepinkgoat]

* Wednesday Tag Game*

I've been tagged by so many sweeties! @heymacy @energievie @deedala @suzy-queued @jrooc

name: karen

age: * D E E P S I G H*

location: dirty south

what is your DJ name?  Olde Antipsychotic 💊

if you were a genre of music, what would it be? Whatever genre the B-52s are.

what would you title your biography? I Thought I'd Be Better at This

what are the first three things you'd do if you were invisible? Sneak into places! Fancy plays for example? Can I eat something? Then fancy restaurants. I don't know. Maybe the Oscars. I feel like I should say The White House but I don't give a shit.

what subject do you wish was taught in every school? personal finance, but make it fun.

when was the last time you tried something for the first time and what was it? I honestly can only think about crawfish and that was a few years ago at a low country boil party. I did not enjoy it.

what is the most underrated city you have ever visited? Fargo, North Dakota.

what day in your life would you like to relive? The day I graduated high school. I hated school (and was "bad" at it but mostly because I had a bunch of undiagnosed disabilities) and was bullied a lot my whole school career. It was one of the best days of my life to know I'd never need to do that again, or see any of those stupid fucks again. I was free.

if you could eliminate one thing from your daily routine, what would it be and why? showering. I feel like it's such a waste of time. I hate being damp so it's a sensory nightmare when I get out. But sometimes in there it's nice. But it's not my favorite.

how long would you last in a zombie apocalypse? maybe a month but the second i run out of my meds i’m screwed! <--- @heymacy said it best

what would be the most surprising scientific discovery imaginable? I saw a conspiracy theory-esque tv show about how mermaids are real - they are just way down deep and look terrifying and alien. There was footage and I still hope it was real. Basically learning what lurks at the very bottom of the ocean would make all our brains explode I'm pretty sure.

if you could have any view out your office window, what would you choose? I'm scared of the water, but a lake sounds nice. It would be cool to have chickens again, so maybe like 10 of those pecking around and pooping on everything. Because sadly that's mostly what chickens do. Destroy gardens and poop everywhere. But they are still pretty wonderful. tagging @gallawitchxx @samantitheos @mybrainismelted @francesrose3 @michellemisfit @wehangout @transmurderbug

@blue-disco-lights

[mosscreeper-ao3]

October 2024 writing challenges directory

Flufftober (prompts from @flufftober)

Pairings are in green. Please be mindful of the difference between "/" (romantic or sexual) and "&" (platonic) pairings

Lost pet meet cute-Kaidan & Rocky (his dog from my main mShenko series)

"Left, other left!"-mShenko

Favorite scent-Kaidan & the Normandy crew

Market day-MFE friendship

Acorn, pinecone, chestnut-Jaith

Mistaken identity-Keith & Shiro (Broganes)

Hoodie weather-Jaith

Chopping and piling wood-mShenko

"Don't do that." "but-Jaith

Bet, game, contest-Jaith, Veraxca, MFE friendship

Ingredients and spells-Paladin friendship

"This is spooky." "Really?"-Klance

Attic, cellar, hidden room-solo Keith

Fantasy AU/Mundane AU-Jaith

"What are you wearing?" "It's laundry day."-Jaith

Yes, no, maybe-Jaith

Rainy Day (alt prompt)-Jaith

Bewitched-Jaith

Yarn-mShenko

Paw-Keith & Kosmo

Bonfire-mShenko

Heirloom-solo James Griffin

Stormy night-Jaith

Comfort food-MFE friendship

Haunted house-Klance

"I can't find it."-mShenko

Afternoon stroll-mShenko

Lucky charm-MFE friendship, Jaith

Time capsule-Paladin Friendship

"Forever?"-Jaith

"Make a wish."-Jaith

Whumptober (prompts from @whumptober)

This one is mostly split into two fics with each prompt being a chapter. One exploring James' emotional state after Keith leaves and the other exploring Keith being captured during a BoM mission.

A few prompts are turned into one shots and drabble collections.

Keith's fic (Dear Agony) covers the following prompts

Day 1-race against the clock/search party

Day 3-set up for failure/wrongfully arrested

Day 4-hallucination/sensory deprivation

Day 7-only for emergencies/unconventional weapons

Day 8-sleep deprivation/forced to stay awake

Day 12-starvation/"just a little more"

Day 16-necrosis/wound cleaning

Day 21-body horror/spirit possession

Day 22-bleeding through the bandages/reopening wounds

Day 24-radiation poisoning/equipment failure

Day 26-nightmares/parting words regret

Day 29-fatigue/"who said you could rest?"

James' fic (Terms and Conditions) will cover the following prompts

Day 2-trust issues/role reversal

Day 5-sunburn/heatstroke

Day 6-not realizing they're injured/unhealthy coping mechanism

Day 9-obsession/broken window

Day 11-seeing double/loneliness

Day 13-team as family/"death will do us part

Day 14-left for dead/“Because I want you to know what it feels like to be haunted”

Day 18-revenge/loss of identity

Day 23-forced choice/broken pedestal

Day 28-denial/CCTV

Day 31-asking for help/"I'm alive, I'm just not well"

Jaith drabble +ficlet collection (Twin Skeletons)

Day 10-blow to the head/"I can't think straight"

Day 15-childhood trauma/"I did good, right?"

Day 17-nowhere else to go/"we had a good run"

Shiro drabble collection (I've Grown Tired of This Body)

Day 25-surgery/"it's for your own good", solo Shiro

Day 27-voiceless/muzzled, solo Shiro

Day 30-recovery/"what have I done", solo Shiro

One shots

Day 19-blood trail/"is there anybody out there?", Paladins

Day 20-emotional angst/"it's not your fault, Shiro & Keith (broganes)

Kinktober below the cut

Kinktober (prompts from @my-secret-shame-but-fanfiction)

Pairings are in green.

Edging-Jaith

Love bites-Jaith

Breath play-Shiro/Curtis

First time-Allurance (all Allurance will have trans Lance)

Nipple play-Allurance

Mirror sex-Jaith

Secret reltionships-mShenko

Fingering-Romelle/Allura

Sex pollen-Jaith

Scissoring-Allurance

Threesome-Kallurance

Kneeling-Jaith

Shower-Klance

Begging-mShenko

Surrender-mShenko

Public-mShenko

Praise kink-Jaith

Psychic bonds-femShep/Liara

Fuck or die-Jaith

Whipping-Shiro/Curtis

Bondage-Shiro/Curtis

Shotgunning-Jaith (college AU)

Blindfold-Allurance

On the desk-Jaith

Sleepy sex-Shiro/Curtis

Marking-Jaith

Body worship-mShenko

Face sitting-Romelle/Allura

Hair pulling-mShenko

Afternoon delight-Shiro/Curtis

Free space, swimming-Jaith

[starlightdreamboy]

Showering

I don't shower much. In fact today is the first time I showered in over a week. I do other things to make sure I don't smell or anything but my sensory issues make showering very difficult at times. I know for most neurotypical people this isn't an issue, its just get in and get out. For many autistic people that isn't the case. It's more like every step of doing it is it's own things. Get motivated, get undressed, turn the shower on, get in the shower, etc. Instead of being a two step process its like 20 steps combined with the sensory nightmare that is getting wet. There is also the trans issue. I don't like the way my body looks because it's too feminine, showering is hard because of that since I have to see my body to be able to shower. So I often have to choose between showering and the repercussions of dysphoria.

This used to be something I was embarrassed to admit but I don't really think like that anymore. Yes some people will say that I'm gross for it but if the person I'm talking to thinks like that and isn't willing to understand then they probably aren't someone I want to be talking to anyway.

[enbycrip]

Reminded today of when I was a little kid and was a nightmare to keep in the bath long enough to get hair washed etc (sensory issues).

My Dad once did a full-on performance of the nursery rhyme Soldier, Soldier Won’t You Marry Me? with full improv level of towel cloak, shower cap boots, plastic bucket usually-used-to-hold-bottles-and-bath-toys hat etc to keep me engaged in between lathering and *careful* rinsing (I also couldn’t stand water being poured over my head) etc instead of streaking off buck naked and soapy-headed into the wilderness (okay, my bedroom) 😁

I think about this a lot every time I read things about gentle parenting and how much awful authoritarian BS parents are routinely pushed to inflict on their kids by teachers, therapists, doctors etc, especially when those kids are clearly neurodivergent and having real issues coping with whatever the issue is.

I know now my parents had to deal with this too - more on my little brother, as I wasn’t diagnosed, but on me too, especially by teachers. My mum, in the late 1980s and early 1990s, still caught the end of the *horrendous* “autism in kids is caused by ’refrigerator mothers’” bullshit from the 1950s from elderly doctors, which still makes me furious. But it didn’t stop them from engaging with us like smol actual people with genuine needs, like anyone else.

Just generally reminding folk dealing with this crap about their kids that they’ll never forget all the times you were there for *them* and treated them like a person. Even when you catch crap for it now ❤️

[d3ard3ughter]

Dumping some OMORI he's! First up, Sunny!

- Sunny is pretty delayed mentally due to reverting to childhood as such as a coping mechanism as well as the delay of being home for four years after Mari's death when he was 12 just sleeping and doing the bare minimum to care for himself alongside the neglect from his mother so alongside physical growth he is mentally stunted. mentally for a while, he is 12

- Kel is usually the one being told he stinks/hj but you know it bad when Kel is shoving Sunny to shower or something because of how long he's neglected himself people don't wanna talk about how long you neglect themselves with depression and stuff and how bad it is I think he rarely bathed during those four years and the trauma heightened everything too so that near drowning experience before made him just not wanna be in water too and just some sensory related issues with water

- he has very sensitive hearing and tons of sensory issues He gets overstimulated easily and it is a whole mess because he can't express himself well

- he's autistic and selectively mute adhd too

- he uses sign language alongside just physical contact and stuff and or communication cards and just writing stuff

- Sunny goes non-verbal even if it's not stressful but it's just a big thing and all or a stressor he reverts

- still childish due to the lack of aging mentally and just trying to keep it the way it was before per se And is also on the late developmental spectrum of autism

- he said his first words p late at 3-4 and it was "Mari" but Sunny had a bit of a speech impediment so speech therapy and it was "mawi" for ages

- he's Japanese & Korean English he speaks both but he had difficulties in learning someKorean was mainly at home and English outside but

- yk the raw steak and all thing? That is no longer his favorite food it makes him sick

- Sunny used to wear Mari's clothes a lot whether or not they were old He likes skirts in general a lot The cotton flowy ones because they aren't restricting

- Sunny's voice is developed well due to lack of speech so it hurts to speak at times and it's just raspy and all his baby face does not go with the deep quiet voice he has

- Sunny's bi and he had a crush on Aubrey as implied in canon and also Basil

- he has a collection of stuffed animals and blankets that he's piled on his bed the only thing is it's not messy like you'd expect it's meticulously organized was his side of the room and Mari's was a "mess" but she knew where everything was

- Sunny tends to mimic people a lot especially those he is close with like Mari for example

- After the good ending, Sunny grows his hair out to be like Mari's. Unlike before when he hadn't realized how long it'd grown in the past and had to cut it from sheer panic

- artistic v much so that he likes to draw and write shit but most of it will never see the light of day despite the horrifyingly good detailed nightmare fuel he wants hero to hang up on the fridge

- Mari and Hero's nickname for him is "Sunshine"

- Mari named Sunny because he straight up was a nameless baby for ages and she called him Sunny and he stuck

- Sunny sounds sarcastic and dry and all in everything even when he isn't and it's almost Mirroring Mari's issues in sounding rude and not genuine so they both have to overcompensate

- Sunny has RSD.

- severe separation anxiety

- I think he is still kinda religious he believes in god but that's about it especially because it kinda got shoved down his and Mari's throats as kids he stuck to it but Mari drifted away really

- Sunny is just really dense romantically to for any of the ships the others just have to yank him and say it straight up for him to realize hey, something there

- He doesn't register any flirting or sarcasm

- v sensitive but he just wasn't raised to think it safe to cry or put it out there he was very emotional when he was little and it was overwhelming with no outlet

- high sympathy autistic actually and it a probably meanwhile Maris low empathy autistic

- Sunny becomes a tattoo artist as an adult in the good ending

- Sunny doesn't register flirting or is good at it but he can be kinda bold about things without thinking about it and he catches everyone off guard

- Sunny is very clumsy

- he's anemic so that and being a klutz result in so many Hero questions about him and he's like?? I don't know where that bruise is from

- he was a preemie (born prematurely) so more stunted growth too

- v sick kid all of the time

- woo pulmonary fibrosis

- iron deficiency squad member/HJ

- Sunny is very sarcastic as a person and he doesn't even realize it either but at the same time he is somewhat aware he will get punched if you allow him to say what he wants most of the time He says something so out of pocket and promptly stops verbalizing anything

- Sunny's knife is his emotional support, he snatched it from Hero & Kel's kitchen so when Kel takes it from him he realizes that was the missing knife and is like?? "Why do you have our knife???"

- Mari & Hero would always Kiss injuries better for the younger kid and Sunny is convinced it still worked so Basil does it for Sunny's eye when sunny stabbed Aubrey he tried to do that to apologize and Aubrey was like "WHAT THE FUCK??"

- Sunny has a scar where his eye was stabbed He goes between just with his eye/socket or just an eyepatch too

- has to wear sunscreen just to go outside or else he will just be burned. (It's good to protect yourself anyway) but Sunny is just so pale and sensitive skin and Mari always ingrained it into him to lather sunscreen to go outside

- Sunny is hard of hearing

- he narrates himself whenever he's stressed

- so sunny isn't good at expressing himself and he got it from mimicking how Mari handles herself So when he can't verbalize his feelings and all and she isn't getting any the hints no matter what he resorted to throwing and breaking the violin as the I'm fed up to get her attention and it backfired because before she's find out the problem becomes she understood breaking things as a means id expressing because I see her having the issue as a kid and just she realizes it's not socially acceptable so its put more like Squeezing things and nails in her hands type thing but she just assumes sunny was doing it to make her made rather rhan expressing jt

The autistic to autistic communication is not communicating and Sunny wanted to verbalize it and react to the overwhelming emotions without hurting himself or someone else so he acted out on the violin but Mari, his safe space, getting so angry and for a skittish kid and sensitive one he felt threatened and was scared so it resulted in the shove

- He particularly mimics Mari a lot in general so they share a lot of habits and all because of the mimicking and just being family and close but she is his go-to if he has to mimic and he doesn't even realize he's doing it

Mari and everyone thought it was cute at first until Mari realized oh he's doing what I do

- I also think Mari & Sunny's parents weren't particularly good about dealing with Sunny selective mutism and also his neutral expression that was only ever changed when he cried or something and Sunny attempted to poorly